#the only guy out there who could pull off the “i'm a feminist so I beat up women too��� LMFAO

[ultimate-snek]

ignoring transfem vancehebi yuri for now. i think either way vance would definitely be 'one of the girls' if he was friends w anyone yk? if he's actually loyal to you he's super trustworthy & stuff. idk man he just seems like the guy to try and give you his jacket to keep you warm (dude it's basically a vest full of holes i don't think it'd help) & try to ensure yr privacy and stuff. when he's not being an angry asshole I think he would be a very decent guy.

[thequeenofthedisneyverse]

can we have villain kenji dating headcanons please😞🙏

Oh boy...well, I can try

Villain! Kenji x Fem reader

Mentions of blood, fighting (not with you), and death/character death (not you), you being morally grey...and Kenji being a simp.

He's a complete sweetheart to you and WORSHIPS the ground you walk on. Ever heard of a feminist nut-case? It's him. He respects you wholeheartedly and sees you for you because his mama raised him right.

Super gentle and a soft-talker with you. You're...actually the ONLY person he's like this around. To everyone else, arrogant prick x10 on a regular basis.

He likes to cuddle you after a long day and whisper sweet-nothings into your ear. "I missed you so much" "I love you so much, baby" "stay with me, please" cue the cutest goo goo eyes you've ever seen. How could you say no to him?

This man doesn't know when to stop gifting so whenever he even THINKS about something you would like you better prepare for there to be a box of whatever product it is on your doorstep.

Gamer girl? New gaming equipment in your favorite color. Book girl? New books on your doorstep. Baker, artist, crafter? All of it on your doorstep.

You ask for something? Consider it done. You LOOK at something in the mall? It's yours.

If he thinks a certain outfit would look good on you or he finds a certain candy, you like? All yours...just please don't leave him.

Ken lets you ride on his motorcycle from time to time. He prefers you in the back with your arms wrapped around him because it's a comforting feeling, not to mention safe. But if you want, he'll let you sit in the front but it's rare.

A guy cat-called you once while Kenji was there with you. Yeah uh...that guy was sent to the hospital. It was the first time you've ever seen him so...angry. You've heard rumors of Kenji's temper but seeing as he was so sweet to you, you just thought the rumors were just...rumors.

That was until you literally had to pull him off the guy so he wouldn't kill him. Seriously, he was strangling him after punching him in the face 10 times.

It was...kind of hot to be fair.

Kenji's hair was disheveled, his nose bleeding, and a fiery look in his eyes. And you found his act of rage a little sweet. If he was willing to strangle a guy for just catcalling you, what would he do if a guy touched you?

You then realized you found a good guy who's willing to stand up for you! Albeit a bit crazy, but still a good guy.

After his anger went away, the soft side of him came back and apologized to you profusely.

"I- I'm so sorry baby, p- please don't leave! Y- You were never supposed to see that side of me, shit! I'm a good guy I promise I am! He...he just, he deserved it! He shouldn't have been talking to you like that! You're a princess to me baby, a queen! And you deserve to be treated like one...please don't leave me..."

He meant every word of it girl...every. last. word. Especially the "don't leave me" parts.

Before you came along, Kenji was alone. So utterly alone. His beloved mother was dead. His father....ugh (don't even get him started on that). No friends or relatives to talk to or come by. One-night stands didn't do anything except a couple seconds of bliss.

So, like I said, so completely and utterly alone.

But when you came along...you changed that. An angel from the heavens that chose him to spend their time with.

This man would let the world burn if it meant to save your life. He doesn't like people very much anyway.

He introduced you to Lillith, his black IBM female boa. Let's pretend you like snakes.

Snake ahead, TRIGGER WARNING

You find her absolutely adorable and sweet. She likes you a lot too! You let her hang around your neck or arm when Kenji brings her too your dates or when you hang out at his house.

Kenji loves that his two favorite girls are getting along. He has many pictures of you two chilling in his phone and looks at them from time to time to actually feel something other than anger or nothing while he's out.

You brought back a light in him that he thought had died a long time ago. A reason to live...well, apart from baseball, killing Kaiju's, and ruining his father's legacy of course.

Fancy dining places are a must. You can't blame the man for want to wine and dine you...and showing you off to the press a little bit.

Hmmm...you found it odd that the guy that cat-called you hasn't pressed charges or uttered a peep about what ken did to him. You understood why the news hadn't caught footage of the incident tho.

It happened late at night when you and Kenji were coming out of a bar. It had been raining that night and most of the lights went out due to the water getting to the electricity.

So, it would be hard for the cameras to pick up faces very well due to the darkness and most of them circuiting out too.

But it was so strange...nothing from him.

You got your answer when you turned the news on though.

The guy that cat-called you was found dead in a trash bin next to the EXACT same bar you had your date with Kenji. Ishima Agama was his name.

He seemed to have suffered horrible lacerations, burns, severed limbs, and much other nasty things.

His death...didn't bother you though. You figured Kenji must've done it. I mean...who else would've done it? It only happened two weeks after Kenji pummeled him, and it was in the exact same place it beat his ass.

You always trusted your gut and your gut says it's Kenji. But instead of seeing this as a red flag, you saw it as a green one!

He killed for you just because of a cat-calling degenerate. That's the nicest thing a guy has ever done for you!

After dating for about a year or so, he told you that he was Ultraman! Which...is the coolest freaking thing ever!

He saved Japan from Kaiju's countless of times! So, what if his methods were a little violent? The Kaiju's were too. That's how violent animals were supposed to be treated right? Either with sedatives or brute force.

He was so confused as to why you were so cool with it but as you explained your reasons...he knew you were a keeper.

After that little adventure he introduced you to the idea of Kaiju meat. Something Kenji has tailored to him and a few other rich people (let's pretend Kaiju's don't have radiation). Turns out the KDF also sells a few cutlets of meat to a few rich folks who want a taste of a rare "delicacy" meat.

It's actually quite good when it's cooked and served right, better that wagyu.

Sooo, yeah, you two lovebirds get along great!

His anger issues, arrogance, or murderous tendencies to affect you because you love him for who he is...and for the fact that he never acts that way toward you.

That's all I've got, if you guys want anything more specific, lmk!

[shomixremix]

Hiii! >~< could you make march 8th head canons (what genshin men do on womens day as ur bf!) fluff! sorry English isn’t my first language but I looove your work! This is my first request I’m so nervous ^_^ !! 🌸🌸🌸

If you have time to do this could you add Kaveh, Xiao , Wanderer and Diluc? Thank you in advance <333

International women's day with them ♡︎

hii anon!! don't be nervous, you can always request anything, lovely ♡︎ thank you sm for your request!!

and english isn't my first language too hehe

also i'm so sorry if this doesn't sound like him, i'm not really used to writing for wanderer😭😭

tags: kaveh, xiao, wanderer, diluc, female!reader, fluff, implied smut (yet nothing described), kissing, international women's day, feministic themes

-> of course, your boyfriend should treat you like a goddess everyday, yet there's that one special day every march where he shows his favorite woman a special kind of treatment.

reqs open ♡︎

-> kaveh

"hi, my love!" your blonde lover chirped as you blinked your eyes open. where were you? what's happening?

"mh.. kaveh?" you ask sleepily, rubbing your eyes while you yawn, still half asleep. you can't even think before a bouquet of sumeru roses is shoved in your face.

"happy 8th of march, baby! flowers for my beautiful flower~" he teased cheesily, and you softly laugh. your arms drape around his neck, bringing him closer.

"you're so corny," you chuckle again, eyelids half-open, "but thank you"

"heh, you still love me" he smiles wide, pressing a warm peck on the tip of your nose. "c'mon now, get up, baby. we're going out today"

your eyes flutter wide open, your mouth a little agape. "out? but, don't you have work? you've spent all week complaining about that client.."

"i can take a day off" he mumbles, kissing you again. "it's been so long since I last took you on a date, anyway. now's the perfect time, hm? so come on, get up! we got a whole day's worth of dates!"

he pulls the covers of your shared bed impatiently, trying to get you to get up as fast as possible. the architect grabs your legs, dragging you out from the soft bed.

"noo, kaveh..", you try to protest, "what kinda guy are you if you don't wanna let me sleep on women's day?!"

"the kinda guy who loves his girlfriend and wants to spend time with her! now, c'mon!"

-> xiao

as an adeptus, xiao has lived long and has seen many things change over the years. one of those things are different holidays and celebrations amongs the mortals.

do not get him wrong - he absolutely agrees that all different genders should have equal rights, why wouldn't they? he's a big supporter, he even participated in marches and fights himself! he just didn't get the whole deal with flowers and chocolates.

weren't those kinds of things reserved for another confusing mortal ritual, called "valentine's day" or something?

however, all that changed once he started dating you. suddenly, he realized that kind of attention was important to you and he wanted to give it to you. he wanted you to feel loved and wanted and seen, no matter how much he didn't understand human customs.

"xiao?" you ask a little stunned as the adeptus appears before you with a Qingxin flower in his hand. "what's.. what's going on?"

"for you", he simply regards, giving you the beautiful flower, "i wish you a very joyous women's freedom day"

"aww, xiao, thank you, you shouldn't have!" you press a soft kiss on his cheek, and you could practically feel him blush.

"i simply wanted to express my gratitude and sympathy for you" he slowly continues, clearing his throat.

"this day is a celebration of the female gender, is it not? it's only right i celebrate the most important important woman in my life"

you simply melt at his words, throwing your arms around him in a warm hug. he was the most important man in your life, too.

-> wanderer

"here" he muttered, hiding his face away from you as he shoved some hand-picked flowers in your face.

"what's.. this? are you okay, hon?"

he blushed furiously as the petname rolls of your tounge, getting more and more embaressed by the second. he so badly wanted to yell at you not to call him that, yet he swallowed his words for the ocassion.

"i'm fine" he coldly said, his gaze still away from you.

"and those are flowers. flowers, for you."

"for me?" you repeat back in shock, unsure how to react to your boyfriend's sudden display of affection. he never before did something like this, so your confusion was more than understandable.

"for women's day" his usually cold voice had a slightly embaressed tone in it, which cought you off guard. "and you are a woman, so it was only logical. if you don't want them-"

"no, no!" you protest immediately, taking the flowers from his hand eagerly.

"i love them! they are so beautiful! thank you.."

you softly kiss his cheek, making him blush. he says nothing, yet he silently tangles his fingers with yours, holding your hand as the two of you stroll away.

-> diluc

"diluc? love, aren't you going to angel's share? what are you still doing home?"

you softly ask your fiancé as you decend down the stairs of the dawn winery. you're still in your nightgown, hair a little dishvelled, eyes still a little puffy. he smiles at the image of his beautiful future wife, in disbelief that he was the one to put that shiny ring on your finger.

"no, not today, my dear. i took today off to spend time with you. it is a special ocassion, after all"

"oh? a special ocasion? what are we celebrating?"

he smiles softly, looking at you with pure adoration: "it's women's day, darling. it's only right to spend my day with a woman important to me. and who could be more important than my future wife?"

your eyes lit up in excitement as you make your way down, taking his hand he held out for you. "really? we get the whole day for ourselves?"

"mhm", he hummed in agreement, grabbing you closer.

"well, i have presents first, but yeah. i thought we could go for a walk along the starfell lake... if you're not up for that, you know i don't mind staying home all day"

"presents? you really shouldn't have, diluc.." you softly chuckle in awe as you look around the large living room, noticing the many flowers and a few boxes of what looks like jewelery and sweets.

"what can i say? i love spoiling my future wife"

[sofipitch]

I finished Iron Widow and have too many opinions to put in one storygraph reviews so I'm dumping it all here:

I feel very conflicted upon finishing this one. It honestly haunted me before I read it bc I like the author as a YouTuber and I'd seen such conflicting views. I just had to know. But now that I've read it I get why there was a mixed bag. So the best I can do is is a pro con list

Cons:

-Extremely didactic with a level of unsubtlety heretofore unknown

-This didactic-ness comes from a protagonist where we never learn how she got those beliefs, when even she acknowledges that the patriarchy can also make women misogynistic. She also doesn't interact meaningfully with many women, she is mostly in conflict with them, no actual female friends

-So this is sold as a retelling of irl Wu Zetian 's but she has very little in common with her other than starting off a concubine and rising to power. One interesting thing about irl Zetian is her father paid to have her educated, which is what helped her become empress, she wasn't just naturally smarter, she had a dad who invested more in her than was expected at the time, and likely loved her. While in this book Zetian 's dad is like a charicature of a misogynist. Irl Zetian was also not an ultra feminist, she stepped on a lot of women to get where she did, one common historian belief being she killed her own infant daughter so she could accuse another woman of killing her to get that lady out of her way. The Zetian in this book has been flattened of a lot of the complexity compared to the real deal. This is the second "girlboss historical figure but in sff" I've read very recently and I can't help but wonder why say you are basing your character off these ppl when there is so little of them there? Idk it feels a bit like the further extension of the Greek myth retelling trend, where the girlboss character shares barely little in common with the OG. Like fudging the historical timeline I'm fine with, it's more just the complete remodel that has me wondering why not just let it be an OC. So she's lightly inspired by the first empress of China, it's barely her

-Not very sympathetic to those with alcoholism even though it's clear the author thinks it is. The MC has a paradigm shift and is much nicer to a character after realizing they were forced to drink. Which might be an opioid wars metaphor but either way it's kind of shitty the character has to be the perfect victim to receive sympathy. I feel like the moment it was revealed he wasn't a "self-inflicted alcoholic" it really pulled me out of the story. Like damn what does this imply about people who are?

Pros:

-Extremely self-indulgent in a way I just fuck with. I think more authors should put whatever they want in books regardless of whether they think it'll sell well. This book has a ton of moments or details that are just so over the top it's cringe but also I respect the willingness to not reign it in. For example just one of the two love interests is simultaneously:

1.So dangerous he needs to be muzzled and leashed

2. A poor little helpless guy who struggled to see without his big glasses (Some Like It Hot, anyone?)

3. A sickly boy detoxing from alcohol and needs to be fed soup

4. One of the world's only feminists, he needs to be taught nothing about feminism has internalized none of the toxic culture around him

Like isn't what I just listed insane? I kind of like when I feel like I'm peaking into an author's head. But it amused and compelled me. 

-I really enjoyed the inclusion of Chinese culture into the universe. I feel like a lot of current and queer sff authors are trying to include POC in their universes, but they often do so without any culture added, like you'll have a cast of racially diverse characters but no actual difference in culture or values or even speech patterns they are like fully assimilated in a way that doesn't actually feel diverse (cough cough Murderbot). So this was refreshing and was kind of seamless and not over-explained (Imperial Radch, love this series but there are like 3 cultural details, TEA, and they are repeated sooooo often. And I am not a LOTR/Sanderson give me every detail of your universe kind of reader)

-I did get the feeling while listening that teenage me would have really liked this, especially the over dramatic shit like "Welcome to your nightmare!" What can I say, at the end of the day I love over the top. Since this is a young adult novel some stuff like the didactic nature is part of the genre which I am no longer the target audience, but the younger me would have appreciated it

-I listened to this during finals week because it was an easy read, I was catching up on a lot of procrastinated neurobio textbook reading at the same time, so if you need something entertaining but low cognitive effort, this is for you

Overall 3/5 for being a mixed bag

[heatwa-ves]

Hi Tia how r u doing. I have a long ass drive today that I'm not looking forward to... tell me about your jojos

yayyy gonna talk about hot pants because she's been on my mind lately. first of all yeah her name is hot pants from the james brown song it's deeply unserious but also I kinda respect it like she chose it herself as an alias and you gotta be a certain type of person to pull off being called hot pants. i have my own theories as to what her actual name is (helena pucci you are so dear to me) but she's only ever referred to as hot pants in canon.

so the whole plot of part 7 is that there's a load of people doing a pan continental horse race from san diego to new york in 1890 and along the way the main characters find part of a corpse and it gives them stands basically and so we have four or five groups trying to find all these corpse parts for their own goals johnny the main character is trying to find them because he thinks the corpse could help him regain the ability to walk after he was injured pre canon the president wants it because he sucks and loves america and jesus (the corpse is jesus btw) and thinks all these other backwards nations don't deserve the corpse of jesus christ diego is going after it for shits and giggles tbh hes vaguely working for the president but tbh hes just here to get paid

and hot pants she's a nun of the vatican and she's here on behalf of the vatican to find the corpse and take it back to the pope where it belongs I guess. except she's actually trying to get it because she's desperate for salvation and she thinks the corpse will save her from her sins

what sins, you may be asking. well when she was younger she and her little brother were in the woods for whatever reason I think they were picking berries idk and they were attacked by a bear and she survived and her brother didn't. she says that she killed him she pushed him towards the bear in order to escape herself but it's unclear how much of her own recollection of stuff is clouded by self hatred and time she's at least ten years older now than she was then probably more tbh . I imagine it was something like they were running and got separated and he fell behind and she couldn't go back for him or she would've died too she turned back and saw the bear kill him and had to just keep running despite his screams or something like that idk you could extrapolate a lot from here but I don't think she deliberately killed him I think that's something she's internalised and can't move on from. so she returns home and everyone is really sympathetic about the accident and the loss of her brother but because she blames herself so heavily she can't bring herself to be around all these people who love her she feels she doesn't deserve it and so she becomes a nun to get away from her family and try to atone for her sins. at some point she ends up moving to the vatican and then joins the race (at 23!!! she should be at the club!!)

so yeah shes in the race and she's a pretty important supporting character in her first appearance she rides up to johnny and gyro and is like hi im gonna fucking kill you because you killed my cow. she had a cow I guess . I don't really know why. yeah they didn't kill her cow but she's violence first questions later type of guy and so she does nearly kill them with her stand which is uhh. it's an aerosol and it shoots flesh out 👍 she does some pretty cool stuff with it tbh but that's not the point here anyway gyro thinks she's a man at this point which good for her I respect the gender game she's playing. anyway then the three of them get stuck in a timeloop and she passed out and johnny is like omg she's a woman that's cool and doesn't tell gyro because gyro hates women and johnny is the world's first feminist and them they steal her sandwiches and leave. thinking about this arc I missed out a lot because its mostly a gyro arc hp is just there it's her first appearance but she doesn't do that much

she shows up again later when the two of them are like 30 seconds away from death fixes them up with her flesh spray and steals all the corpse parts they had collected by this point she does some more stuff etc implicates herself so now she's wanted by the government and then my fav arc begins it's mostly about johnny and it's brilliant but hp is also here. they end up at a church and hp is there but she's in her nun clothes idr what it's called and gyro doesn't recognise her because he's incapable of being normal about women and he just fucks off to do whatever meanwhile johnny is talking to her and there's this scene which im soooooooooooooo obsessed with

in my beautiful world they fall in love post canon but . well. I'll get to that later and she doesn't answer him she says they're all about to die she's being taken over by this stand ability called civil war which is really really interesting it's basically like. anything the person it's targeting feels grief over comes back to haunt them and idrk how to explain what that's like ill just show u but it's pretty on the nose symbolism about hps whole character and offers pretty interesting insights onto johnny and gyro too

actually forget that im gonna talk about her and johnny they make me sick and somehow no one else sees how good their relationship is. they're really similar they both blame themselves for the deaths of their brothers but while hps family loved her so much she couldn't bear it and ran away johnnys dad said to his face yeah the wrong son died which is like. insane. hello. to your son's face. anyway they're both driven by this desire for something to save them it's like uh yk that post that goes "I hope one day they do a test on me and find out im deficient in some type of vitamin and I'm put on vitamin supplements and that solves every problem ive ever had" it's like that they want this corpse to save them but it CANT because nothing can save them but themselves johnny thinks if he's able to walk again his life will go back to how it was and a) it won't because this journey has irreparably changed him and b) he cant regain the ability to walk he can't and the problem is he can't accept that he's driven by this faith in something that can't save him and the same for hot pants she thinks of she can find the corpse it will save her from her sins but she has to be the one to move past her sins no one else can heal her theres not a switch that when flipped will fix her

she will always carry this grief with her always always and she has to learn to live with that but she's so deep in her own self loathing that all she's thought about in years is how she's a sinner in need of a saviour she has to be her own saviour she has to move on and she CANT she's been static all these years the grief is as raw as it was ten years ago arfghghhlgkfgkaglalgw however unfortunately for us all araki is incapable of writing a good ending to her (and johnnys) arcs because he regains the ability to walk magically thanks to the corpse of jesus christ and she dies in pursuit of salvation which is pointless because thats what she WANTS!!!!!

she'd rather die a martyr than live a sinner and by killing her off (pointlessly and pretty much off screen. Btw ) it ruins what her whole arc was building up toooooo god I'm so mad about this. it's fine in my beautiful world she survives and reunites with johnny after the events of canon and they travel to italy together and johnny is still disabled and they get close and grow as people and he becomes the first person she's let herself really be close to and they Get eachother and have a level of mutual respect from when they first meet and every subsequent meeting adds to that and they need another slower journey where they're not fighting for their lives all the time to address what they've been through and who they are and who they will be aghhjhj this needs to be a longfic so bad if I wasn't the worlds slowest and least motivated writer

I was gonna talk about the rest of civil war arc and her relationship with diego but it's 11:30 pm I have work in the morning and I've talked more than enough goodbye I hope this was understandable

[liskantope]

Three not-so-great takes I've heard since the bombshell of Biden dropping the nomination that I want to grumble about here and may as well roll into a single post.

The first one was in the wake of the breaking news on Sunday, within literally the first minute of Cenk Uygur's immediate comments:

I will say this: as the self-appointed leader within the rebel forces of the Democratic party to oust Joe Biden, I declare victory.

Okay, Cenk, I get it: you ran for president in the Democratic primaries (sort of, and you would have had to win some court cases even to be deemed eligible due to your national status) explicitly to get Joe Biden off the ticket. But this isn't about you or your tendency to talk as though your role in the national discourse and political battleground is more central than it is. This is a product mainly of prominent Democrats pressuring Biden to quit and donors pulling out, not your crusade that ended a good while back and barely seemed to garner attention anyway.

(Sorry, but this is the guy who -- to take just one example I recall from 4+ years ago back when I used to watch The Young Turks all the time -- reacted to Bernie Sanders making the old "Republicans believe in small government only until it's something intimate like your own body" point that I'd been hearing since high school with "Oh my God, he must have been listening to our channel, because that's the exact point that I was the one making recently!")

I'm probably being uncharitable toward Uygur, as he may have been speaking a bit tongue-in-cheek. But still, can you think of a far more prominent figure in current politics who loves making himself sound like the center of every new movement or idea, but might be speaking trollishly or tongue-in-cheek?

The second take, which I'm much more bothered by, is one I heard in person a few hours later, by a mother to her 13-year-old son, in a confident tone: "We're still going to lose with Kamala Harris, because there are a lot of racists in this country and a lot of people in this country who think a woman shouldn't be president."

I don't think she was entirely wrong about racism and sexism giving Harris certain disadvantages (although that's ignoring that her race and gender will directly work to her advantage as well among a different set of potential voters, and I'm not sure it won't cancel out). But, casting aside racism for a moment, this whole "America still isn't ready for a woman president" thing I hear from time to time from feminists is really frustrating, and in my opinion it's not the greatest thing to children (especially not to girls, arguably, but not to any children). I find it both defeatist and reductive in a way that doesn't reflect evidence coming from reality. Hillary Clinton basically did win the presidency eight years ago, in that she got several million more votes than her opponent and would have probably won the electoral college if something James Comey announcement something something. In fact, I bet that if Hillary had won the Democratic primary eight years before that, in 2008, she could have beaten John McCain given the circumstances and current unpopularity of neoconservatism, even if she couldn't have won as handily as Obama did. And while I personally suspect that a lot of the anti-Hillary hatred that seeped through too many of the voters has to do with misogynistic biases that warp people's perceptions, there's a difference between acknowledging that and making out like some major portion of the country doesn't believe that women should be presidents (I would explain sexism the latter way to a 6-year-old maybe, but not to a bright 13-year-old).

(Of course, the "America isn't ready for a woman president" thing is an uprightly feminist thing to say until it's said by Bernie Sanders, and then it's obviously sexist.)

As far as I'm concerned, Harris has at least a substantial, if less than 50%, chance of winning, and a lot will be up to chance circumstances that tip things one way or the other over the next three months.

And the final take I want to gripe about this evening is this fairly popular Tumblr post. Note particularly:

If you continue to argue for anyone other than Kamala, you want Trump to win.

My tentative position on the spectrum of ways of dealing with picking our nominee is that I think there should be some sort of actual contest (at least on the level of open debate) but that I think Democrats should have the nominee picked out (who in turn will have a VP pick) by the time of the convention. I definitely not down for decreeing within a couple of days of Biden's dropping out that, okay, there's only one viable candidate, there is because I say so, we must all fall in line with total unity immediately, anyone who disagrees with me is not only declared wrong by my own authority but declared to be in league with the enemy. Why do so many people struggle so much with theory of mind to not understand (or performatively appear not to understand?) that "those people are in favor of X, which is a thing that I believe will lead to undesirable outcome Y" does not imply "those people are in favor of Y"? I'm pretty sure I've ranted about this before, when it came to rhetoric surrounding a much more contentious cluster of issues, but it applies to a very wide variety of struggles.

[hamstermastersamster]

10 fandoms 10 characters!

Tagged by @talkingsoup <3

(Man I'm definitely not IN 10 fandoms so most of these are just Blorbos from my Shows/Books/Games)

April O'Neil from TMNT is very special to me. Just a normal gal swept up in absolute cartoon nonsense and accidentally adopting 4 idiot mutant turtle sons/little brothers and you know what, she's just Rolling With It. She's smart, warm, resilient and wholesome. I love her a whole lot. Check out my tmnt sideblog @hamsterandturtlesoup if you really want to know how much xD

Squall from Final Fantasy VIII is a definite son blorbo. As a kid, I naturally thought his icy edgelord emo personality and black leather get-up was simply cool, and when I replayed it again as an adult I was just "oh you poor thing you". He's a child soldier, lost his found-family but can't remember that so just has persistent feelings of abandonment and severe social avoidance, struggles to express emotion, has Friends forced upon him against his will and starts to Feel Things . . . Aaaa ;A; You get to choose certain responses in the game and I like to have him warm up slowly over time to his friends. That character progression is just so wholesome to see. I still have a significant FFVIII fanfic WIP that explores his character development floating around . . . maybe someday I'll finish it x'D

Rung from Transformers MTMTE is a prime of example of me falliing in love with 'minor' characters who then go on to have the shittiest time ever. At this point I'm fairly sure I do this TO them by warping reality when I decide I like them a lot. But I love it when characters I love suffer, so >_>; Rung is just a soft caring psychologist without flashy function or alt mode or combat capability! LEAVE HIM ALOOOOONE-

Lara Croft from Tomb Raider - no, not the modern reboot that gave her extreme daddy issues, or the reboot before THAT that gave her mommy issues and unnecessary friends calling her in the middle of isolated ruin exploration and worries about the blood on her hands. NO, I'm talking about the OG ruthless queen trapped in an aristocratic life who lost her fiance and old life in a plane crash that only she survived, but found herself in that survival and was effectively reborn. Her family cut ties with her and she simply said 'fine, fuck off' and worked alone for the thrill of it and made her own fortune and killed what she had to with a smile. She avoided any kind of love interest until Angel of Darkness and even then it was implicit enough to be completely ignored. She was a fucking badass. Child!hamster wanted to be her. Stripping away the visual and marketing sexualisation of her, she was such an important piece of feminist history in video games. I took archaeology at AS level because of her lmao.

Thalric from the Shadows of the Apt book series (just kidding lol, SotA doesn't have a visible fandom! I AM THE FANDOM-). SotA is a really unique and interesting insect-based fantasy world that I will sing praises for forever. I could talk about a bunch of characters in it <3 However, Thalric is, bluntly, a complicated Wasp villain who has done a lot of Bad Things but starts to feel conflicted over the shitty stuff his empire is doing and making him do. His full conversion to Sort-Of-Good-Guy happens over a looong time and is one of my favourite moral turnabouts I've ever seen. He's just so interesting as an example of a soldier brainwashed by his toxic state and trying to undo that, and at various points you really feel for him even though he's done absolutely terrible things. Only a great writer and compelling character can pull that off.

Raz from Psychonauts is a special little boy and only the first psychic on my list! :D What is not to love about a little psychic boy raised in a circus cursed to die in water with the gumption to sneak into a summer camp for psychic kids. His design, his voice acting, his character writing are just so good and I want to protect him ;A; When Psychonauts 2 unravelled the truth of his family history it just about murdered me in my seat. Since he actually gets recruited, does that make him another child soldier? . . . 2 on my list so far xD

Steven from Steven Universe is just a good soft kind boy with trauma. You know I love a good soft kind boy with trauma. (He also fights in a war, technically? Child soldier number 3!)

Lessa from the Dragonriders of Pern book series is a tiny undernourished woman filled with raw psychic power, vengeance, pride and spite and I respect that. She avoids the massacre of her entire family by pretending to be a filthy servant for a decade, and then manipulates the invading murderer into a duel to the death with a dragonrider whom she also manipulates so that she can reclaim her ancestral home, but instead decides to go one better and become the forerunning Queen dragonrider, so basically rules the world instead for her lifetime. She is a queen from all angles.

Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist is I guess child soldier no 4! What can I say, he's just a spirited, talented idiot boy wrapped up in tragedy and disability and angst. This is, of course, everything I could hope for in a character because suffering is delicious to me. But suffering with a happy ending is even better, and I love FMA's ending for him :3

Samuel Vimes from Discworld is one of my favourite characters ever. He's so flawed, but with a hellish bent for justice and a heart of gold, and I just love seeing things through his eyes? A compelling character with his own layers of angst and tragedy who has always felt very real to me. RIP pterry you are always missed.

Most of these are boys, my god. Too many beautiful (pathetic loser) boys. I have a weakness. Clearly I need to open my heart to more pathetic women in media.

Tagging . . . everyone xD I have a personal rule of not tagging individuals in these things as I don't want to pressure anyone! But go for it if you feel the inclination, I would love to read your takes and blorbos :3

[frostyreturns]

Frosty Ruins Glass Onion

It's a fairly recent movie so I avoided spoilers best I could but I recommend just not seeing this movie altogether because it was cancerously bad.

Now I'm not advocating we forget what happened in 2020 at all, I think we need to remember what they did to us,how retarded it was and how insane people behaved…however I don't want my entertainment to begin with reminders. This came out December of 2022 we've barely just gotten past this shit... I'm more sick of hearing about covid than I ever was from covid…so when something that's supposed to be entertainment begins with someone covering their face because a package is delivered to their door it fills me with rage and I already hate this movie. We went 2 years without a movie where everyone was wearing face masks why the fuck are we starting this horseshit now? Then for it to immediately cut to a CNN segment where the character is ranting about climate change I'd already be asking for my money back if I paid for this.

5 minutes in and we've already hit covid, climate change and feminism and I can already tell this is a Rian Johnson movie. I have no idea what's going on, who anyone is, why I'm supposed to care and the dialogue is weird and unnatural.

I get the sense the director is trying to be funny but I'm not sure because there's no actual jokes. Like there's a group of old people playing among us and the one guy is in a bath and someone asks him if he's in the bath again and he says no…get it because he is. It has the cadence and delivery of a joke but it's just nonsense.

I don't know if Batista is just the worlds shittiest actor or if Rian Johnson was just too much of a human vagina to ask him to redo a single line because there is better acting on a 90's cable access show. When he's playing a socially retarded alien its not as noticeable but when he's just playing a guy you notice how bad he sucks. Also his character is there to just be a caricature of what they call mens rights but based on how they portray him he's a caricature of just anyone who has a male audience because they don't actively shit on men and denounce masculinity. So from the acting to the heavy handed and out of place feminist strawmanning I hated this character. Makes me wonder if Rian Johnson has ever had a single miligram of testosterone in his body.

There was a moment that implies there was an easy covid cure that they only gave to a few small elites and friends. Now was this a moment of honesty masquerading as fiction from hollywood…or was it just a stupid plot device to reconcile that he decided to make the plot happen during covid without having the actors wearing masks the whole time. It really would have overshadowed everything else.Remember how insane people were about covid in 2020 and then imagine those people found out there wasa simple one dose cure...they thought thisshit was killing billions of people nobody would have given a shit about anything else. You're telling me the social media influence, the politician and the scientist just had no interest in a cure for covid in 2020. Either way Rian should have all his cameras and pens taken away from him forever.

Also what the hell happened to Edward Norton? Maybe it really is just Rian Johnson…because in this Norton sounds and looks like he's never been filmed before. I think of Edward Norton as making goofy movies he's in better and more professional, like he made the second iteration of Hulk watchable but here he looks like a lesbian they just pulled off the street, threw him into the movie and did all his lines in one take. He was terrible and when a good actor is terrible you have to look at the script and the director.

Nortons character goes on this rant about disrupting the system and calls everyone at this murder mystery thing a disrupter. A mainstream celebrity, a typical politician, a social media influencer, and a tech billionaire…these are all people he's saying disrupted the system? No these people are the system, these people are the system, getting fat on the system. He even says none of them want to disrupt the system…but then says right after that they are all disrupters of the system. It's the kind of pretentious, contradictory self congratulatory bloviating I'd expect from this douchebag directors dialogue.

The movie is so hard to watch because all the drama is contrived and irritating because none of the people are interesting or likeable. Not to mention that its a murder mystery movie where it takes an hour into the fucking thing for somebody to die and there's already been an annoying Rian Johnson "subversion of expectations" which is ironic because at this point nobody is expecting there to not be some gay twists.

This movie combines everything I hate about the director with everything I don't like about murder mysteries. They make the plots convoluted and use misdirects to keep you from guessing the outcome to the point that the outcome loses believability and it's sense of a cohesive plot. Writers go out of their way to ensure everyone is in some way a suspect and then the premise is made ridiculous. If you host a party of all your closest friends and someone tries to kill you there's no world where every single one of your closest friends is a suspect with evidence and a motive against them. It ruins my suspension of disbelief and comes across as contrived sloppy writing. Rian Johnson takes this weakness in the genre and amplifies it by a hundred because even in other genres he likes to throw reason and comprehensive writing to the wind for the sake of tricking the audience. Ironically knowing this going in I knew who the killer was going to end up being the whole time, so congrats Rian you wanted to be so unpredictible that you're predictible.

He does things like has the investigator say "only you can give me the last piece of the puzzle" right before that character is shot…but the audience is not given any of the information the character is supposed to have. The entire story is one big web of deus ex machina And delivered with the ham fist of paroxysms like a character shouting "What is reality!" after a reveal that the audience was already privy to. More wooden half asses attempts at infusing this train wreck with the semblance of comedy.

And after the reveal they somehow let the killer get close enough to destroy the only evidence they had. There's no way... they had to use a camera trick to make it more believable that someone they thought was a killer could close the gap quick enough and destroy the evidence that quickly because its just another impossible thing done for story convenience.

Also the story resolution was so stupid… nobody will testify for the murders for plot convenience but at the end they all suddenly change their mind for absolutely no reason…except that now is the time the director wants story resolution. He comes up with this convoluted way to get the murderer their just desserts but nobody thinks that they're just now casually rubbing elbows with someone they just all watched proved to be a murderer, nobody grabs a weapon nobody thinks oh they might try to kill again now that they were found out…they just carry on like they're all about to move on since they can't prove anything to the law... even though every single one is an eyewitness. Then instead of the next rational step being a violent solution nobody even thinks of it. What they did do was a crime anyway choosing to assassinate a reputation…which only might happen theoretically, just like them being found innocent in court is theoretical. Nobody behaves rationally, everything is contrived everything is stupid… this movie was fucking terrible. Rian Johnson is the worse director in the world.

0 stars

[papirouge]

Muslims will defend stoning girls and women and all the horrible abuse because they’re convinced she did something to deserve it. Something terrible like murder when reality is that most of the men who execute women do it because they just want to kill off women for being female.

In their holy scripture, women are punished by angels for refusing to sleep with her husband. As if angels are weapons for men to use to punish women with and not holy messengers of God. You can beat your wife but if it leaves a mark on her face then it’s suddenly bad. So she can be crippled by getting beat by her husband, wear a long dress and have a clean face and it’s all good. And if she tries to protect herself, she’s blamed for being a bad wife. They’ll force hair coverings on girls, blame murdered and raped women for not covering their hair then say to the world that the hijab is a choice. Threatening girls with rape and murder to wear a stupid veil isn’t a choice, it’s coercion by force. This a true incel religion and to see women defend it, is embarrassing

What grosses me out when I see muslims say the Mohammed will marry Mary, that Jesus and Abraham are muslim. That our beliefs are an evolution and Islam is the “perfect” belief for being the “last one” There’s something eerie about that

That Muslim debater came back with a side a blog pulling out the stalest take about how the Bible is oppressive to women.....when the only thing she could find in the Bible was stuff about......slaves(??)💀 (oh and she also pulled out crooked quote from the Bible, in a typical deceptive Muslim fashion lol)

She's obsessed. But she's very typical of Muslim who are very defensive of their religion, because it's pretty undefendable when you're looking into it.

If anything, she's only proven Muslim have nothing on Christians and are just grasping at straws to try to pass Islam as something progressive and feminist. The stuff I found out about the Quran was horrible to see, and it only reinforced me the idea that Mohamed was the spawn of satan. It's crazy to me that people, who have no problem upholding such views, have the audacity to bother Christians for....compelling women to wear a veil....in the assembly. Homegirl literally dragged Eve in that discourse💀. Like- bestie 1)Eve didn't get beat to a pulp for disobeying God and 2) both she and Adam got their fair share of curse. People acting like she was the real/only victim of the Fall are either feminist or liars (let's never forget Eve was the one who encouraged Adam to eat the forbidden fruit ok? I get you guys are butthurt about a woman doing *gasp* bad actions, but that's what it is. If it can make you feel better, Lot's daughters raped him to bear his children, and got away scot-free ¯_(ツ)_/¯ )

When we talk about the mistreatment of Muslim women, it's not only about women from centuries or millennia ago - it's women SUFFERING NOW. But Muslims, they literally have to drag biblical women from thousands of years ago to nitpick "problems" with Christianism - as if the fruits of "Christian culture" weren't more than obvious TODAY: better men/women relationship, condemnation of polygamy (which is now a worldwide standard, geez I wonder why), no child marriage... None of these achievements came out of a vacuum.... I'm gonna be honest ; if despite the insanity advocated in the Quran, Muslim societies would eventually come around and became more egalitarian, less violent, etc I think not that much people would have an issue with Islam. But the thing is, Muslim cultures DO MATCH the content of their religious book (which is logic) that's why Islamic culture can legitimately be seen as a threat

The thing with Muslim is that instead of honesty reflecting the criticism addressed about the content of THEIR OWN BOOK, they systematically try to find an equivalence in the Bible and be like "see? CHRISTIANS DO THAT, TOO" (when it actually not we all know how hard they try to act like the Christian veil was the same the Muslim one - when no Christian women is stoned for not veiling anywhere in the world....) as if it balanced out the content of their book. They have such an obvious inferiority complex with Christian that to defend themselves they immediately resort to the Bible. That's one of the weirdest stuff ever. Many times I got challenged about my Christian faith, and not a single time it would occur to me to talk about Islam to deflect from the criticism addressed towards Christianism.

It also explains why Muslims are much more uncomfortable to debate with atheists/agnostic critics of Islam because they can't pull out the "it's in the Bible too!!' card, because those non atheists/agnostics probably have the same criticism about the same (lol) So Muslims eventually have to directly address the content of their book and....it usually doesn't end well...

Yeah, Muslims shoe horning Islam into the Bible is infuriating Like... NO MY GOD wouldn't allow child marriage or stoning women - we don't have the same God. Also Jesus didn't announce Mohamed, and the angel Mohammed has seen was lucifer. The part about Mohamad marrying Mary does PISS OFF Catholics, particularly lol

The other day I was listening to a Muslim rebuking a video of a Christian talking about Muslim heaven with the 70 virgins ; he said that the Christian heaven looked boring, and that we would just be wandering aimlessly. Which is false, bc Jesus explicitly says we will have houses (so i guess heaven is like having a place to live with neighbours, etc), crowns, and that we will glorify God. We won't be just *there*. His arguments were very eyes opening because Muslim men cannot handle the idea of a heaven without sex, and that any form of Heaven is "boring" or lacklustre therefore not realist. Islam grooms men into thinking that sex is he ultimate reward for this earthly life, they can't conceptualize the idea of a heaven without sex. With such idea of heaven, there's no wonder Muslim men have a very awkward relationship with sexuality : extremely prudish while having the goal of landing in a heaven with 70 houris to have endless celestial sex with... It's the perfect breeding ground for sexual frustration and explains the hypocrisy of Muslim between female and male sexuality.

Their excuse about men (and men only) being allowed to have several spouses, is to avoid cheating - oh, so women don't cheat? 🤔 That's the same flimsy argument for the 2 wives/70 houris for men in heaven (Muslim also fail to explain the necessity of sex/procreation in Heaven btw lol)...women? they are nonexistent in Muslim paradise (lest they are those "wives" attributed to Muslim men in heaven - but if there is at least one woman for a man, aren't some women separated from their husband while on earth? 🤔) - however the Quran states the majority of people in hell are women 🙃

The Prophet said, "I looked at Paradise and found poor people forming the majority of its inhabitants; and I looked at Hell and saw that the majority of its inhabitants were women."

🙃🙃🙃

[your-sweet-cookies]

"Is that so? Then I guess I'll have to come here more often to check out what music you make, and decide for myself whether or not it's good." For a brief moment there's a slight faint smile there, only for her stoic rested bitch face to come back. "But I'll warn you, I'm rather picky when it comes to my music taste... You could even say that I am a very harsh critic!" Maybe she wasn't easily impressed or fond towards strangers and making new connections, but this guy wasn't so bad... So far he hadn't made her want to punch him in the face, at least not yet.

She nods. "Yes, you won't catch me dead putting any alcohol in my mouth, no matter what other's might say or think about me. Frankly, I don't give a fuck about other's opinion of me or what you call the so called 'peer pressure'. I do my thing and only adhere to my own set of rules and values." Kukki shrugs her shoulders and takes another sip of the orange juice. "Yup, I'm the 'mama goose' for the night. Kind of boring and annoying, but it helps me sleep better at night knowing those wild lassies will end up safe in bed by the end of the night." Then, Fuji's comment about him being popular amongst the gay population of the bar makes her laugh. "Really? Then why don't you go try and charm one of the clearly single dudes eyeing you up from here? That one with the red hair and bangs covering his right eye over there seems to fancy you. I bet it'd be more interesting than spending your time here, with a boring nerdy girl that only drinks orange juice and disses you at every move." So she had a sense of humor too... Kukki was a figure for sure! But as she mentioned the male fancying Fuji, she was subtly watching the vampire from the corner of her eye, trying to see what his reaction or next move be.

A nod of approval followed. "Touché, I guess I do have to give you some credit then! I do respect men that know the value of women and treat them rightfully." While at first she assumed that he only said that to impress her and seem like a feminist to earn points, Kukki decided that she should take Fuji's words at face value because he really seemed to be serious about it. "So your family owns this place?" She thought that by clan, the man must've been talking about his family and relatives. "Lucky me then... To have one of the owners of this establishment entertain me for the night and protect me from any creeps! Good thing you didn't catch me in a bad mood, cause I sure would have regretted throwing my orange juice in your face then!" Kukki didn't even bathe an eye when Fuji literally mentioned he'd kill another man if he tried pulling something dirty on a female customer.

The more he spoke, it was clear that the older male was slowly starting to earn the silver haired woman's interest and slight respect. He didn't seem to only be saying stuff for the sake of coming off as macho or to impress her, but he was genuinely talking from his heart. That was something that Kukki could definitely respect and appreciate in someone, since it wasn't so often she came across a guy looking like that who was actually a decent human being and great company to be around. "Well, in that case, if he does end up doing something messed up, I'll join you in beating his ass up." She chuckled again and leant back against the counter. "You are definitely not too bad of a company. You might stay with me for the rest of the evening if you will please." Kukki rolls her eyes trying to seem bored and uninterested, acting as if she's doing him a favor by allowing him to stay with her.

"Then I guess we do come from two completely different worlds then... Too bad, and here I thought I could ask you out to a knitting tournament night and eating cookies, while chatting and having tea!" Kukki snorts, trying to imagine the intimidating tattooed man bundled up in a cardigan, drinking tea and showing off his knitting skills. She eventually finishes the juice and turns around to order a round of peanuts to munch on. The night was still young and it seemed like she wasn't going to be leaving too soon. "This night is starting to be interesting, so maybe you were right in the end."

[@anemia-rp]

'The best nights are the ones you never plan.' (from Fuji)

more tumblr quote prompts pt. 2

The party life was never Kukki's cup of tea so to speak, she was more of a house body, who enjoys spending time by herself in the company of her cat and a good book instead of partying and drinking away god knows where, in a loud and noisy club. And neither was she a fan of socializing, being an introvert by nature who got easily drained by social interactions, yet here she was, in a night club on a late Saturday evening, having been dragged along by a friend to act as their chaperon. Since Kukki never drank and she was a very serious person, her friends often used her to keep an eye out for them in case there where creeps lurking around or they got too drunk.

"Huh?" The silver haired raised her eyes to meet those of the person, whom the voice from earlier belonged to. 'The best night are the ones you never plan'... The words echoed in her mind, making her snort. "Maybe, but so far this is far from what I would normally call 'a great night'. This place is soo packed and loud I feel I could end up losing myself in this sea of people if I get up from here." Kukki replied and took a sip from her nonalcoholic orange juice. She never drank alcohol, given that her tolerance was very low and she could easily get drunk.

Eyeing the man sat next to her, a tall, intimidating looking guy with long hair and tattoos, Kukki took some quick mental notes on him, making an analysis of what she thought his personality might've been like. So far, he didn't struck her as dangerous or sleazy, so she could tolerate him. "What about you? Having a good night so far?"

[221bshrlocked]

Show Me Your True Colors

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Fem!Reader

Words: 14092 (I swear this was supposed to be a short oneshot but it got out of hand. I'm so so sorry.)

Warnings: 28% smut, 72% plot. Penetrative, unprotected sex (wrap the shlong before you king kong my dudes). Oral (male and female receiving). Fingering and Squirting due to overstimulation. Some dom/sub elements but not full-on. Creampie. Rough handling (e.g. hair-pulling, spanking, hand-binding, some more hair-pulling). I think that's all?!

Inspired by these posts [x] [x] and by this lovely artist. Thanks @danniburgh for humoring me with my thots.

A/N: I came back from my temporary hiatus to post this because I couldn't wait. And now I shall return to my little corner again. Sorry guys these school/administrative issues are taking longer to deal with so I'm for the most part still away. This is not beta'd. Let me know how I'm doing in the comments please and reblogs are always appreciated. Enjoy. And you can add yourself to the taglist here.

It’s such a different atmosphere, from what he remembers at least. It’s been so long since he stepped foot on a university campus, and he can’t help but smile at the spectrum of personalities all around him. While some students lounge underneath the trees and on the grass, others ran hastily to their courses. Those were probably freshmen.

As he makes his way through the campus, he has to look at his phone numerous times to figure out where exactly he was going. That’s definitely one thing he didn’t miss about being in school, the fact that he was shit in directions and how he almost always got lost during the beginning of each semester.

When he does finally find the art history department, he silences his phone and heads to the first office he can find.

“Good afternoon, my name is Nicola. How can I help you?”

“Hi Nicola, I’m here to see Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. I was wondering if you could direct me to her office please?” Marcus smiles as he unbuttons his suit jacket, not realizing that his FBI tag was now visible to the world.

“She’s currently in one of her lectures, you could-” Marcus follows Nicola’s line of sight when she grows quiet and groans when he sees that she noticed his FBI tag.

“Please, she’s not in trouble. I am part of the FBI Art Crime Team, and I’m actually coming to ask if we could get her professional opinion on an artifact. Just need her to consult on something.” He smiles at Nicola and waits for her expression to relax before he continues.

“Do you mind telling me which lecture hall she’s in?”

“Y-yes, she’s in H140. Make a right at the door and it’s the hall all the way at the end.”

“Thank you Nicola, have a good day.” Marcus nods at her before he buttons his jacket again to avoid any suspicious, terrified looks as he makes his way to the lecture hall. He walks quietly, avoiding the students walking past him as they exit the rooms. When he reaches the door, he turns the knob slowly to not make any noise, hoping that he wasn’t being too disruptive once he walks in. As he shuts it behind him and looks around, his eyes almost fall out of their sockets.

There are at least 250, maybe 300 students filling the seats of the room. He awkwardly smiles when some students look to the side and see him standing at the foot of the door. He quickly takes a seat and says nothing as the students return their attention to the large projected screen. Marcus hears what he assumes is your voice through the large speakers but he can’t place your position. As he looks at the projected images, he finally catches you through his peripheral vision as you step off the railing near the exit doors at the front of the room.

“Because of this association with the gods, many amulets used to ward off the evil eye include depictions of mythological figures and deities who are almost, if not always, female. To the Greeks and Romans, the most common fascinations with an evil eye were women in any shape or form. They were thought to have the most powerful and harmful gaze that might kill if eye contact was established. That’s basically me telling you to never look me in the eye or else I will curse the cow of your second cousin twice removed.” Laughter reverberates off the walls at your joke and only grows louder when you whisper, “just kidding...or am I?” Marcus can’t help but smile at your jokes, watching with fascination as you move up and down the stairs of one side of the lecture hall once you continue to speak.

“Now, I know what some of you are thinking...isn’t that a bit sexist? Well, to the ancients, no. And to us, it’s kind of a meh thing. I know that doesn’t sound very feminist of me but it all comes down to the culture and the ancient practices that carried over. Just remember that it wasn’t because they were women, it was because they were thought to be powerful...a glass half-full kinda thing.” Marcus watches you closely as you maintain your focus on the students before you switch the slide and stand in the middle of the stairway with your back towards the projector.

“So, we find goddesses such as Erinnyes or the Furies associated with the evil eye because of their avenging nature. Their heads were covered in serpents and their eyes were always bloodshot and one of the Furies by the name of Megaera was considered in late antiquity as the personification of envy and whose eyes were the most envious and deadly of all the Furies. She was described by poets as baskanon omma pherousa...bearing the evil eye. Naturally, many children in late antiquity constantly wore amulets of stone galactite to protect them from the eyes of Megaera, and sometimes even wore necklaces with her face on it to counteract the evil eye of someone else and have her curse the ones who tried to harm them. Basically, the ancients were playing a game of tag with the evil eye.” You descend the stairs and walk to the other side of the hall, and Marcus feels his chest tighten with how much confidence you exude, not just through your words but with how you carry yourself as well.

“Perhaps the most famous of these dangerous women is Medusa who was one of the Gorgones in Greek mythology. The Gorgones were one of many female beings such as the Harpies, the Erinnyes, the Graiae, and the Keres, who were said to be grim-faced, and who held horrible looks. Briefly, the story tells of how she was one of the most beautiful women to ever walk the earth and later became hateful-looking by Athena as punishment for being raped by Poseidon in the middle of the huntress’ temple. Her hair became serpents and she was so furious that anyone who would look at her would turn into stone...at least that is the version you will hear from the “all-knowing” male scholars within this field. But, and I know I’m going on a rant here, if you’re like me, you’re more likely to argue that Athena pretended to hate Medusa. The serpents were no punishment! The goddess looked at the poor woman and gave her a weapon to use against men because unfortunately, she couldn’t do anything to avenge her...not only because she didn’t get along with Poseidon but also because he was a god as well. Anyway, back to Medusa’s amazing power which I would love to have so I could use it whenever I’m talking to some professors in this department...don’t quote me on that.” Again, Marcus chuckles at your side commentary and notices how calm and enjoyable the atmosphere of the lecture is. If only he had professors like you when he was in university.

“Even after she was decapitated by Perseus, her powers were very much alive and it is said that Athena placed Medusa’s image on her shield, once Perseus returned it, in order to use it when she hunted. This suggests that depictions of her severed head held apotropaic power and like earlier, one could use a creature who held the power of the evil eye against another being who is said to use the evil eye. Following this principle of similia similibus, it is not surprising that most of the amulets found in Greece and Rome contained illustrations of Medusa’s decapitated head on them. What was once the possessor of the evil eye became a protective symbol against the very same thing.” Just as you are about to continue with the next image, an alarm goes off and Marcus frowns in shock at how inconsiderate it was that phones weren’t silenced. But his surprise only heightens when he sees you running down the steps to your desk and picking up the phone sitting in the middle of the table.

“Ahhhh man, we were just about to get to the cavalier. That’s okay. Remember, the second response is due first thing on Friday. If you can’t turn it in during class, shoot me an email and we can work something out with my TAs. Go forth my clever spawns!” Marcus stands up and glues himself to the wall when he sees students emptying the lecture hall, his eyes on your form at the front of the class. He hopes you don’t leave out of the front exit and begins to make his way to you through the multitude of undergrads leaving. When he reaches your desk, he stands to the side until you finish chatting with one of the students and begins to collect your work.

“Dr. Y/L/N?”

“Please, it’s just Y/N. Who are you and how can I help you today?” You almost do a double take when you look up from your bag and see the man standing in front of you. To say that you were starstruck by the man in front of you would have been the understatement of the century.

“I’m Special Agent Marcus Pike,” he holds out his FBI tag for you and watches as you raise an eyebrow at him before you swing your bag across your shoulders and motion for him to follow you out of the hall.

“I would like to put it on record that I do not, in fact, wish to turn any of my colleagues to stone.” You joke, and Marcus senses that you are perhaps nervous at seeing his tag.

“Believe me, I would like to do that to some of mine as well...but no, not why I’m here.” Marcus clips the tag below his jacket as he walks with you.

“May I ask what I have done that caught the FBI’s attention?” You walk ahead of him, and ask him if it was okay for him to head over to your office with you.

“I’m with the FBI Art Crime Team and I’m here on a request. We would like to consult you on an open investigation and I came here to ask what your availability is.” Marcus follows you up the stairs, barely forcing his eyes to remain on your feet instead of elsewhere.

“Oh, me? That’s...wow. Of all the things I thought I would accomplish in my life, that’s definitely not one of them. May I ask what it is you need my opinion on?” You push open the doorway of the staircase and point at your office across the quiet hall.

“Unfortunately, there is a lot of paperwork you need to fill out before we get to work so I can’t disclose anything about the case until you sign in.” Marcus steps into the office behind you and watches as you set your things down before you move to your desk. He can’t help but feel his muscles loosen at the sight of the bookshelves across your room.

“This is probably the most exciting thing to happen to me all year long so yes, hundred percent. I’m available for the rest of the day today as well as tomorrow and Friday after lecture which ends at the same time as today’s.” You beam up at him as you take two books out of your bag and replace them with a folder that was sitting in the middle of your desk. Marcus looks at you quizzically, marveling at how much easier this was going. He genuinely thought he was going to meet with someone who was probably a bit proud and perhaps as much of an asshole as his previous professors but you were so much different than anyone he’s ever met within this field.

“Are you sure? I understand if you need to take a week or two-”

“No please, you’ll be saving me from faculty lunches and two seminars by colleagues that I genuinely cannot fucking stand- oh, sorry. Sorry, didn’t mean to-” You swing your leather bag around your shoulder again and shut the blinds of the windows before you walk to the door.

“Please, you don’t have to worry about that with me.” Marcus chuckles at the excitement rolling off of you and bites his lower lip when he watches you quickly fix your hair.

“I might need to have lunch on the way to your office though if that’s okay?” You take a plastic container out of your bag and smile sheepishly at him as you lock your door.

“Wow...is your bag bigger on the inside or something? And, yeah fine by me.” He pushes his hands into his pockets again and walks next to you, a little corner in his heart gradually filling with hope letting him know that he should be cautious. He didn’t want a repeat of last time.

You both chat briefly on your way to headquarters and Marcus apologizes every time he looks over and sees you struggling with your food. By the time you make it to the building, Marcus can tell you are a bit nervous and he assures you once more that this was merely a consultation.

“Wait how did you even find me?” You take your jacket off along with everything in your pockets, laying them down near your bag as they go through the scanner. Marcus passes through with his badge and waits for you on the other side, picking up your things as you put your jacket back on.

“I made some calls and a friend suggested to get in touch with you because of your expertise.”

“Oh now we’re getting somewhere. You have a Greek artifact don’t you?” Marcus halts in his steps and looks over to you as he shuts his eyes in irritation. He should have watched what he said.

“S-sorry I couldn’t help it. I’ll stop until I fill out whatever paperwork you have for me.” You take your things from him and walk quietly as he leads you to the elevators.

“I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s not personal, it’s just-”

“Business I know. I know. I’m so used to watching this kind of stuff in movies that I tend to forget it’s all fake and you’re...the real deal.” You hope he doesn’t see the way your eyes trail over his taller form, silently cursing yourself when you meet his eyes and notice how he’s already staring at you with a smile.

“Sorry.” You apologize again and look straight ahead, hands tightening around the leather strap when you realize that he’s still looking at you.

Marcus fists the hands in his pockets to prevent himself from saying anything else that might make you uncomfortable, and he looks at the increasing numbers as they reach his floor. A loud ring signals your arrival and Marcus stretches out his hand so you could walk ahead of him. You wait until he tells you where to go and say nothing when he stops for a second and whispers something to another agent.

When you arrive at his office, you stand to the side and wait for him to tell you what to do.

“What’re you doing all the way over there? Come here.” Marcus calls you over to his desk and smiles, hoping to put you a little at ease. You step towards him and set your stuff on the floor as you sit opposite him on one of the two chairs. He pulls out a couple of files and sets them in front of you in four different piles.

“That’s a lot of paperwork.” You chuckle nervously as you take out a pen from your bag.

“I know, I’m sorry. But that’s why I’m here. These are the building rules and your signature is basically you telling us you’ll abide by all of them.”

“I don’t know any of them.” You respond immediately, and rub harshly at the pen between your fingers.

“I’ll be with you at all times so you don’t have to worry about that.” His smile throws you off guard and you nod before you sign the highlighted areas.

“And these are you swearing that you will tell no one of whatever you see, hear, do, etc. within the building.” You nod and sign through the stapled paperwork before sliding them his way.

“We’re almost done. These two are like the second pile but they have to do with this case specifically. And they extend to outside the premises, meaning that if I or another agent on the case tells you anything that has to do with your work here today while we’re grabbing coffee from across the street, you can’t say it to a living soul.” Marcus points at the four highlighted boxes and tells you to sign the date next to them as well.

“So I can say it to my dead cousin?” You ask as you sign the two papers and hand them to him, unable to hold your laughter when he shakes his head as he pushes the last pile towards you.

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

“Can’t help it.”

“And finally, these are you swearing that whatever you tell us today, be it an opinion, a fact, or anything else, is the absolute truth. Basically, you’re not fucking with us.” You raise an eyebrow at his choice in words and he shrugs his shoulders as he motions for the empty spaces again. When you’re done, Marcus collects all the files and places them in a folder before he unlocks his desk and pushes them inside.

“I don’t ever want to see my signature again.” You whisper as he leads you out of the office towards a conference room. He holds the door for you and nods ahead, waiting for you to step in before he shuts the door behind him and turns around. You try to ignore the hand pushing on your lower back as you walk in and spot three gentlemen and one woman standing towards the end of the long table.

“Wow, that was quick.” The female agent is first to speak and you say nothing as Marcus introduces you to them.

“Thank you for coming on such a short notice.”

“Of course. This is very exciting for me so I’m happy to help in any way.” You shake her hand and stand to the side as Marcus motions for you to sit down.

“This is Lydia, Ethan, Henry, and Noah.” Marcus points to each member of his team as he pulls out a chair next to you and sits down.

“It’s nice to meet you.” You nod towards them and look at the folder that Lydia hands to you. Marcus says something as you flip open the folder but you can’t respond, eyes almost falling out of their sockets as you take in the large image on the page. You look up at Marcus and everyone else before you return your attention to the picture.

“You recognize what this is then?” Ethan breaks the silence and watches as you move through the pages quickly.

“Umm, that seems like an oversimplification but yes.” You continue to study the images in front of you for another few minutes before you set them down and look up at Marcus.

“Some explanation would really help me out right now.” You tap softly on the papers, and your mind conjures up the wildest possible stories behind the images currently displayed in front of you.

“Oh right yes. We received a tip from the Smithsonian’s acquisitions department about a man trying to sell them this artifact for three million dollars,” Marcus notices your eyes widen but he continues, “but they’re not sure if it’s stolen or not. And he refuses to cooperate.”

“Which is where you come in. Have you seen anything like this before and if so, where?” Lydia stares at you as you return your attention to the pictures again.

“And the Smithsonian can’t confirm this?”

“Far from it. Marcus here is just afraid they’ll eventually get greedy and do anything to get their hands on it.” You look next to you and watch a faint blush take over the agent’s handsome features.

“I mean I don’t blame you. There are a bunch of real assholes in this field.” You laugh when he gives Lydia a ‘told you’ look.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to help you if I don’t see the actual pendant.” You shut the folder and push it away from you.

“That might be a problem.” Henry takes his glasses off and proceeds to clean them as he looks at his co-workers.

“Why? Do you not have it anymore?” Your heart skips a beat at the prospect of the FBI losing such an object.

“Oh no we have it. Our guy is afraid we’ll switch it out with a fake so he refuses to hand it to us unless he’s in the same room.”

“That’s funny. Is there a rule that says I can’t look at it while this man is in the room?” You ask Marcus and he can’t help but notice how giddy you’re being all of a sudden. Your excitement is almost palpable and he wills himself to focus on the question and not how you bite your lower lip as you wait for him.

“I mean…”

“You’re all going to be in the room aren’t you?” You cut him off before he says anything and when they all nod, you turn to Marcus once more and wait for his response.

“I guess it’s fine.” Marcus reluctantly answers before he asks Ethan and Noah to bring the man from the interrogation room he’s been in for the past couple of hours. Lydia and Henry let you in on more details and Marcus watches as you furrow your eyebrows in focus, occasionally cutting them off to ask them a question.

Fifteen minutes later and a knock on the door breaks you out of your haze. You look up just as Ethan and Noah walk in with a man in front of them. You say nothing as they bring him to your side of the room and set him down across from you.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I didn’t steal it. I found it!” Your ears perk at his comment but you say nothing as he crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at you.

“May I see it?” You ask before anyone else says anything and the man continues to stare at you before he ignores your question.

“Please, I’m just here to confirm your story. I know for a fact there isn’t a museum out there that has this.” You notice the hardened expression on Henry’s face but he says nothing. A few long moments pass by and the man shifts to take something out of the inside his jacket. You inhale deeply and watch as he unwraps the cloth before he places the small pendant on the table in front of you.

“May I?” You ask again and if Marcus didn’t know any better, he’d think that you’re just trying to put the man at ease. If you were nervous around five FBI agents and you did nothing wrong, then his little thief must have been scared shitless.

When the man nods, you bring out a pair of gloves from your handbag and put them on, forcing yourself to remain calm as you pick up the pendant.

“What a beautiful work of art you are baby. Red jasper, my favorite!” Your excited words break the silence and you look up at the man in front of you with a smile, feeling your hands sweat when he slowly returns the expression.

Got you.

“Greek is marvelous...crystal clear, grammatically correct, unique placement.” It’s as silent as a cemetery and Marcus watches you closely as you narrow your eyes and adjust the stone under the light. If he wasn’t dealing with a criminal and a potentially stolen artifact, he would have told you how beautiful you looked when you were deep in the middle of a task.

“Hmm, what is this 6th century-ish spell? Oh my bad, no no no, I tend to mix them up sometimes. It’s definitely a 7th century formula.” You make an awkward face and watch as Lydia shakes her head at your little mix up.

“Now, let’s see what you got on the other side sweetheart.” You carefully turn the amulet around in the palm of your hand and barely hold back from gasping dramatically.

“My god...what a goddamn sight...oh oops sorry, that was probably blasphemous. A perfectly etched crucifixion...cross with 4 sides, with a plaque at the top...and of course, can’t forget the clothed Christ. The detail on this is truly unlike anything I’ve ever seen, down to the ‘Iesous Xristos Theou Yios Sotare’ around the figure. Where did you say you found it again?” You casually ask as you continue to inspect the stone, almost laughing when the man responds immediately to your question.

“Mount Athos.” Marcus turns to his team in shock. You’d managed to get the information out of him so easily while they spent an entire day trying to get him to say anything. It was a little funny how at ease the man seemed now, leaning forward towards you as you flipped the stone around.

“Ohh the hub of Eastern monasteries. Boy is this the most valuable artifact I’ve ever had the pleasure of looking at then.” You set it down on the cloth and wrap it up before taking your gloves off and leaning back on the chair.

“See, told you its one of a kind. No one’s ever found anything like it before.” The man beams at you before he takes the object and puts it back in his jacket.

“Oh yeah it’s one of a kind alright...because it’s the most fake amulet I’ve ever had the misfortune of examining. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been this disappointed in my life. And here I thought another one of these was out there. Did you even bother to do any research on this?” You frown at him and cross your arms in irritation, completely missing Marcus’ reaction and how he turns to Lydia to confirm that yes, you just said that it was a fake artifact.

“W-what?”

“I’d love to know where you got the red jasper because you could have fooled me with that. Let’s break this down shall we? The Greek is perfect, too perfect if I’m being honest. You never have grammatically correct syntax etched on a magical amulet, let alone proper diction. Oh and you should have probably used Classical Greek instead of modern Greek, like were you even trying? Really bad move to use a 7th century formula with a non-altered 6th century spell. The formula didn’t even exist yet!” You tilt your head to the side and watch as the man in front of you begins to fidget. His smile is replaced with a shocked expression and you watch as it slowly becomes angry.

Marcus was speechless. He never saw this coming and was looking at you with a mixture of awe and surprise at the turn of events. He could only stare at you as he took in your energy, the same confidence and intelligence he saw earlier in the day when he walked into your lecture.

“As for the back, you never get 4-sided crosses with these, only three, and the head of Christ makes up the fourth which you don’t actually see because of his head. No plaque, too detailed and non-existent in protection spells. Christ is always nude on magical amulets by the way...yes it’s weird, but it’s a fucking amulet and he was just some extra deity. And finally, never, ever, write out ‘Iesous Xristos Theou Yios Sotare.’ You write the acronym IXOYE.” You flip open the folder that was in front of you and grab a sharpie from Marcus’ file, circling the first letter of each Greek word and holding it up as if he was one of your students and you were trying to lecture him.

“Don’t even get me started on your provenance. Mount Athos? I mean for fuck’s sake, Constanza would have been a better option. At least we actually found amulets out there. How much was he asking for this?” You turn to Marcus and completely miss the starstruck eyes he’s giving you. When you raise an eyebrow at him, he finally realizes that you asked him a question.

“Uhhh 3 mil.”

“Oh boy...yeah, this is worth jack shit. Wouldn’t even do it’s intended job if you actually wore it as a protection pendant.” You watch as the man’s expression changes from anger to outrage and you barely have any time to push away your chair and hide behind Marcus before the man tries to jump on top of the table towards you. It takes Ethan and Noah approximately five seconds to tackle him down before they take him out of the room. You watch as they reach for the amulet in his pocket and give it to Henry just as they push him out.

You’re still coming down from the adrenaline rush when Marcus turns around and asks you if you are alright. As soon as you see the gun in his hands, your hold on his jacket tightens and you gulp nervously when you meet his eyes. He apologizes quickly once he sees where you’re looking and quickly puts the gun back in its holster.

“You okay?” Marcus holds your wrist and rubs his thumb over your pulse point until you begin to relax. You fix your jacket and take a deep breath before you meet his eyes, almost gasping when you see how dark and oddly calming they are.

“Didn’t think a consultation would get this exciting but uhh, yeah I’m good. I think.” You try to laugh it off but looking at the object in Henry’s hand makes you realize that the last five minutes did really happen and you actually managed to piss off someone to the point where he tried to attack you.

“And we were worried it was stolen…” Lydia shakes her head when she takes the amulet and swirls it around in her hand.

“I might be wrong but I think you should try to find out who made it, especially because of the red jasper. This came real close to a fake. And you should also try to date it as well...there might be more of these out there.” You smile when Lydia agrees and collects the folders on the table, thanking you on her way out.

“My pleasure...apart from that last bit.” You laugh it off and watch as she exits the conference room with Henry.

“So…” You turn to Marcus and whisper a quick thank you when he hands you your bag.

“So, this definitely wasn’t what I had in mind when I asked you to consult on this case. I- I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that this happened. It’s not always like this, I promise. The exciting stuff usually happens when we find guys like him in abandoned warehouses.” Marcus continues to word vomit as he leads you back to his office.

“It’s okay really. My advisor always warned me about this.”

“About working with the FBI?”

“No no, about rambling so much that I piss off someone to the point where they try to kill me.” You’re taken aback by Marcus’ laugh and can’t help but giggle along with him as he leans back in his chair and continues to laugh.

“I hope that doesn’t mean you won’t work with us again?” There’s something in his voice that doesn’t ease the butterflies in your stomach and you place your hand on your chest dramatically as you bat your eyes at him.

“Why Agent Pike, are you trying to recruit me to the FBI?” You ask sarcastically and watch as he shrugs his shoulders before shutting off his computer and standing up.

“Just a consult here and there, should we meet another Greco-Roman artifact? Or...a fake one I guess.” You swallow the lump in your throat when you see the way he’s looking at you and hope that you’re not misreading any signs.

“Can I take you out to dinner? As a thank you and an apology for putting your life in danger?” Marcus is reluctant to ask but he takes the leap of faith and hopes that you wouldn’t reject him.

“I- actually...in all honesty, I don’t think I’ll do well in public after that whole thing.” You gesture towards the outside offices, and Marcus nods in disappointment and contemplates on whether he should ask you to dinner some other time. You never give him a chance to follow-up though.

“How about take-out at my place?” You stand up and smile when you see his eyes beam with excitement as he fixes his tie and motions towards the door.

“Lead the way doctor.” You flush under the title and walk ahead so he doesn’t notice the obvious effect he’s having on you. You glance at Marcus every now and then as you make your way out of the building and towards his car.

You chat about random things as he drives through the busy streets, and you feel your heart skip a beat when he says something scandalous about your favorite Impressionist artwork, not because of the comment but because of the way he winks at you as he slides his hand to your thighs and nudges them to let you know he was just joking. You hope that Marcus asks for your number by the end of the night, maybe even invite you to dinner again, because if you’re being honest, it’s been a while since you met a decent guy and he’s been checking all of your boxes all day long.

Kind. Intelligent. Hard-working. Funny. And of course, attractive. There was something about the way he smiles and you kept on replaying the moment he hid you behind him and continued to ask if you were alright.

“What do you mean you don’t like Bal du moulin de la Galette? It’s one of the most magnificent paintings out there. Best of Renoir’s if you ask me.” You unlock the door and switch on the lights, throwing your coat and bag on the wall before telling Marcus to make himself at him. He takes his jacket off and hangs it as well, turning around to continue his argument.

“Listen, I’m just not a crowd kind of guy. I’m more of a Paris Street, Rainy Day man okay so-”

“Why am I not surprised by that?” You laugh as you bring him a cup of water, hoping you were being subtle as you continued to check out the gun resting in his holster. Shaking your head, you take your phone out again and tell him that it’ll take you a few minutes to order pizza since neither of you can make up your mind.

Marcus looks around when you walk away to place the order, his eyes taking in the three bookshelves behind your couch. It’s almost as if the office space wasn’t enough so you had to make more room for all of your textbooks and novels. Maybe it was the other way around…

He takes a sip of water and glances to the side, instantly choking on the liquid when his eyes zero in on the three watercolor paintings hanging above your television. Marcus blinks rapidly and rubs his eyes to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things. He approaches the wall and looks between the three artworks, unable to tear his gaze away. He notices new details every time he focuses on a different corner of each painting, and his pants suddenly feel uncomfortable when he shifts closer.

“Pizza will be here in thirty-ish minutes and-” You almost drop the phone when Marcus jumps back and almost trips over his own feet. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” When you walk closer and see the blush creeping down his neck, you can’t help but giggle and glance at your paintings, almost as if you were taunting him into commenting on your choice in decoration.

“These are...interesting.” Marcus avoids looking at them when you stand next to him, merely pointing to the side as he looks at you.

“Oh no...here we go. I know what that means. You don’t like them?” You tilt your head to the side and hold back from smiling when he takes a long sip of water before he sets down the glass.

“N-no no, that’s not...I didn’t mean- I just...it’s a bold choice.” His stutter makes you laugh even harder and you apologize when his blush deepens. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. It’s always really funny when people come over because I get all kinds of reactions but you’re definitely the first guy that doesn’t call me a slut because I have pornographic paintings hanging in my living room.”

“Why not? The Dutch lords and the Italian merchants did it, why can’t you?” Marcus is almost offended by the remark and he forgets all about the awkwardness of the paintings when he sees you nod aggressively in agreement.

“Exactly!? Why is a guy allowed to hang an Odalisque in his home but I can’t hang some BDSM scenes?” You take the glass from the table and ask him if he wants more. Marcus shakes his head and quickly attempts to fix himself through his pants before you return.

“So you like them then?” You lounge on one chair and wait for Marcus to sit on the couch before you ask him.

“It’s a different aesthetic I think, and it somehow goes well with your bookshelves. Something about textbooks and nude paintings depicting sex just goes together...can’t explain how. And kudos to the artist too! The brushstrokes, the layering, the complementary colors...the scenes and positions are so natural. They’re perfect combinations. Did you pick them or did you commission them?”

“Oh I commissioned two of them. The third was just too good to not order. I’ll ask you this then, which ones do you think I commissioned?” Marcus glances to the canvases again and grows quiet for a few moments, his eyes switching from one painting to another before he meets your gaze.

“I think you commissioned the two on the left.”

“Why?” You try to hide how impressed you are by how he correctly figured you out, almost cringing when the question leaves your mouth before you could stop yourself. As much as you enjoy where this conversation was going, you really hope this wouldn’t lead to some misogynistic response on his part. Just as Marcus is about to respond, the doorbell rings and you tell him you’ll be right back.

Marcus thanks the heavens that the pizza arrives because he isn’t sure how he could respond to that question without accidentally giving his train of thoughts away. When you come back with plates and napkins, Marcus thanks you and proceeds to separate the pizza slices.

“It was the closest I could get to owning something that resembled the area I study.” You say through chewing and Marcus furrows his eyebrows, silently asking you to elaborate on your comment.

“Nudity I mean. I can’t afford sculptures so I settled with these.”

“They are beautiful. And the positions are-” Marcus stops abruptly when he realizes that his inner monologue just rolled off of his tongue.

“Go on, what were you going to say?”

“I- uh, I just think that the positions are intimate. And they become more intimate the longer you look at them.” He chews faster when you nod and take another slice of pizza.

“You have a favorite?” You ask and pretend you aren’t paying attention to every single word he says. You get the sense that he has a lot to say about the paintings but is choosing to hold back so you don’t get the wrong idea about why he is having dinner with you in your apartment after only knowing you for a few hours.

“Definitely the middle one.” His answer surprises you, especially because the one on the right has handcuffs and you genuinely thought he’d be into that because of his line of work.

“Really? Why?”

“Oh...I- this might sound weird but I think the scene is intense and- and close? Private? I’m not sure what it is I’m trying to say but the fact that she’s completely nude except for the panties around her thighs while he’s fully clothed and is focusing on her pleasure is- it’s intimate. And the hand on her back is a mixture of dominance and care, like he’s letting her know that she has his undivided attention but she has to behave for him.” You’re not sure when exactly you stopped eating and you clear your throat when you realize that Marcus was looking at you to gauge your reaction.

“Y-yeah that...ahuh.” Something about the way he says the word ‘behave’ twists your insides and you immediately stand up and head to the kitchen, whispering something about needing to wash down the food with something. Marcus eats quietly and hopes he hasn’t just made things even more awkward. When you come back and hand him a glass of red wine, Marcus relaxes and continues to eat.

“Have you ever drawn something like this?” You shake your head as you take a sip of the wine, laying against the back of the couch and crossing your legs.

“I wish. Human anatomy is so fascinating I think. I sometimes get this adrenaline rush when I look at the far right one and I tell myself that I’ll sketch all the risque and open positions I can think of but then I remember how long it would take me to finish one piece and I- I don’t have time for that sadly.”

“You can always start out with simpler ones? Maybe solo pieces, and move up from there.” Marcus mirrors you and sits back with the wine glass in his hand.

“Yeah, but I just love this kind of genre so much. It needs to be passionate, and sexy and out there you know.” Marcus smiles at the energetic response, feeling much more relaxed now that he’s had a cup of wine and found chatting about your choice in decoration less awkward.

“I get you. It’s why that lifestyle is interesting to so many people. The whole dynamic, whether we’re talking about the figures in the scene or actual partners, is based on that trust. You- you have to create that sense of trust and comfort for the scene to be enjoyable...pleasurable. It’s not as easy as some think it to be. As a Dom, you have to be aware of your partner at all times and the effect you have on them. And the same goes for a Sub too. You need to ensure that your Dom knows how much trust you put in them and the level of dedication that’s going into the scene. Both parties are depending on each other and it’s- it’s amazing.” Marcus smiles when he notices the intensity swimming in your eyes and he gives you a few seconds to collect your bearings before he asks his next question.

“Would you draw something as intimate as that?” He breaks the silence and watches your train of thought come and go.

“Would you?” You throw the question right back at him, holding in a breath when you see him lean forward with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“I would...but only if I have the right model.” Marcus doesn’t know where all of this is coming from but he can’t find it in himself to break whatever bubble the two of you found yourselves in. You’re silent for a few moments, long enough for Marcus to think that maybe, just maybe, he’s crossed the line.

But then you’re smiling at him mischievously, chugging down the rest of the wine before standing up and heading towards the hallway.

“I have an easel and some 16x20 papers lying around...I hope you don’t mind working with chalk.” You throw back at him before you walk down the hallway and Marcus has to give himself a quick pep talk before he follows you. He slowly makes his way into your bedroom and stands at the doorstep until you allow him to come in.

“I think the lighting is best in this corner but you’ll be the one working so sit wherever you prefer.” You bring over a chair and set it in front of the easel before you grab the large box of supplies and pull out all the chalk sticks that you have. Marcus nods in silence as he pushes the easel closer to your bed and begins to choose which of the chalk sticks he wants. There is a variety of shapes and sizes, and he’s not sure if he should start out bold or if he should ease himself into this. It’s been a while since he’s drawn a model and he really doesn’t want to screw up, especially because it is you.

Marcus is so busy preparing his workstation that he doesn’t notice you stripping off your clothes. You keep your eyes on him and find the little scrunch he does with his eyebrows when he focuses on something endearing. Taking a deep breath, you take off your bra and panties before laying on the bed and getting in a comfortable position. Your movements are minimal, and you stretch out your legs in wait for him. You fight the part of you that’s yelling at you to cover yourself and keep your focus on him to gauge his reaction.

“Pose however you want and we can work on the postures once we-” The words die in his throat as soon as he looks up from the easel and sees your state of dress, or lack thereof. The thick chalk stick he’s holding between his fingers snaps in half and breaks the blanket of silence that fell on the room. He visibly gulps and doesn’t try to hide the way his eyes trail down your form slowly before they return to look into your dilated ones. Marcus knows for a fact that the image of your heaving chest and hardened nipples will forever be etched in his mind.

“I- uhh, are you...c-comfortable?” He hates how much he’s stuttering and you smile at him when you notice how he is focusing on the wall behind you and not you.

You look around for a few moments, grabbing a couple of pillows and placing them behind your back before you stretch out one leg and bend the other one to your chest. Marcus almost chokes on his breath when he sees how open you are being with him but he says nothing and turns his attention to the blank piece of paper underneath his hand.

“I’m ready.” Your voice brings him out of his stupor and he nods briefly as he tries to reason with himself. He cannot draw you unless he looks at you. But he is well aware of the hardening predicament he’s currently suffering from and he’s sure you probably noticed by now the effect you were having on him.

“I won’t tell you how to do your job Agent, but artists usually have to look at the models they’re drawing to...you know, draw them.” Marcus rolls his eyes at the teasing remark, briefly glancing at you with a raised eyebrow before he begins to softly outline the shape of your shoulders. His cock twitches in his pants and he tries his hardest to not squirm too much in his seat. But every time his eyes move towards your nude form laying not five feet away from him, he silently curses himself and pretends he’s fine and that he isn’t imagining pushing you down and shoving his tongue deep into your wet cunt.

“Are you usually this quiet when you’re sketching, Agent Pike?” Something about the way you’re addressing him makes him clench his jaw tightly and he unintentionally whispers a little louder than he intends in response.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

Your giggles let him know that you heard his remark and he is sure his face is growing a deeper shade of red but he shrugs his shoulders and ignores your obvious amusement. Marcus swallows the lump in his throat as he shifts his focus below your neck, parting his lips when he notices the tilt of your head from his peripheral vision as he ceases all movement and continues to stare at your chest.

“Oh sorry, is my arm in the way,” you lower your arms and move them behind you to support your weight, never breaking eye contact with him as you rock your bent leg back and forth and give him a full view of your most intimate parts.

Marcus is almost shaking in his seat at the sight of your breasts, unaware that he’s harshly rubbing the chalk stick with his thumb the more your leg sways to the side and reveals the outer folds of your pussy.

“P-perfect, thank you.” He whispers and returns to the sheet in front of him, biting into his lower lip as he rolls the chalk across and sketches the curves of your breasts. For a moment, he forgets what he is doing and narrows his eyes at the shapes in front of him before he smudges the black material across to shade in the skin. He looks back and forth for a couple of minutes until he’s happy with the shading of your body.

You marvel at how he’s managing to keep it together for this long when all you can think about is begging for him to fuck you into the mattress. You thought it would be easy for him to break but ever the gentleman, he takes the task seriously and tries his hardest to not dwell on your skin for longer than necessary.

A thought comes through your mind and you smile to yourself as you shift your bent leg to the side and move the other one until it falls from the side of the bed. You stare at him and hope this is what finally does the trick. And you don’t have to wait for too long because the next time Marcus looks at you, he takes a double-take and doesn’t bother to hide how he’s only focusing on the skin between your thighs.

“I thought it would be easier for you, you know. Easier access and everything.” You’re not sure what you’re going on about but you can tell that it’s taking every ounce of control in his body to not pounce on you. You hold your breath when Marcus stands up and meets your eyes, and you think this is it. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

But then he’s freeing the paper from the easel and moving towards you, his expression never once giving his plan away. You gulp when he kneels at the foot of your bed and sets the paper between your thighs.

“You’re right, easier access,” Marcus says as he brings the chalk down on the paper and sketches your thighs, not bothering for propriety as his eyes zero in on your slit. You know you’re wet and you can feel slick easing down your folds but you don’t move a muscle, watching him as he expertly outlines your skin before he rubs the chalk with his thumb to shade the area again.

“It’s not quite how I want it…” His remark makes you shiver and you’re about to beg him to forgo the sketch when he leans forward and nudges your legs apart, perhaps a little carelessly, before he collects your arousal with his middle finger and swipes it across your folds. You’re shocked by the turn of events and barely hold back from moaning as he dips the clean finger into your pussy and rubs your walls for a few more seconds, his soft brown eyes turning dangerous as pushes his finger a little deeper and bites his lower lip when he feels you clenching around him. Marcus turns his attention back to you, his jaw tensing when he sees sheer bliss etched on your expression. Your little gasps are music to his ears and just as he feels your hips moving against him, he pulls his hand away.

You watch him like a hawk as he inspects his finger, gasping when he smudges at the chalk on the sketch to create darker shades around your center.

“Hmm, that’s more like it.” Marcus turns to you and smirks when he sees your parted lips turn into a frown.

“Do you not like it?” He feigns ignorance and raises an eyebrow when your frown deepens as you move back into your pillows. You lean back but continue to hold his gaze as you part your thighs and lazily stroke your cunt. Marcus slowly puts down the paper and chalk onto the floor and stands up just as you begin to pinch your nipples.

“Please…” Your whispered plea shoots straight to his cock and he laughs when it turns into a whine once he makes his way to the bathroom in your room. He says nothing as he quickly washes his hands and dries them before moving back and standing next to your bed.

You don’t stop touching yourself, hoping the needy sight of you is all the push he needs to take what he wants.

“What’s your safeword doctor?” Marcus keeps his hands in his pockets as he trails his eyes down your shivering body. He’s itching to touch you but he remains still and waits for confirmation that you do, in fact, want this as much as him. A part of him knows that the two of you should probably slow down and perhaps discuss whatever this is before you go any further. But it feels right being here with you. And he doesn’t want to give it up just yet.

“J-Jasper.” Your voice breaks when you see the hunger swimming in his eyes and you shift to the center of your bed as Marcus kicks off his shoes before taking off his socks.

“Hmm.” Marcus hums as he takes off the holster from his belt and quietly places the gun on your nightstand. When he turns back and sees you watching the gun and increasing your movements, he groans down at you before walking around the bed.

“Maybe another time baby...when you and I are a little more acquainted with each other.” You flush at the implications behind his words and nod at him. You watch as he begins to roll up his sleeves and your anticipation grows with each inch of skin he reveals.

“You look so pretty sweetheart, all needy and desperate for my touch. Do you want to cum baby?” Marcus asks teasingly and you nod frantically as you begin to push two fingers into your cunt.

“Nuh uh, use your words. I’ll let it go this time but from now on, you use your words if you want something from me.” His tone is less gentle and your inner walls spasm at the thought of hearing that same commanding voice telling you to get on your knees for him.

“S-sorry yes...yes please. I- I want to cum, please.” Marcus smiles in amusement as he steps closer to the bed until his knees touch the mattress.

“Good girl. Now, if you really want to cum, then you better come here and suck me off. Be a good girl for me and show me what that sweet fucking mouth of yours can do.” His chest puffs out proudly when he sees how quickly you’re moving to please him. You lay on your stomach and palm him through his pants, moaning along with him when you find him hard and ready for you.

“May I undress you?”

“Go on sweetheart, take what you want.” Marcus caresses your cheek as you excitedly unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He doesn’t dare look away as you shove his pants down his thighs before leaning forward and nuzzling your nose into the bulge of his boxer briefs.

“Fuck baby, are you trying to kill me?” You giggle and shake your head in response, purposely rubbing his length with your nose just before you feel his fingers combing through your hair and tugging on it.

“Remember sweetheart...bad girls don’t get to cum. Stop your teasing before I shove my cock down your throat.” Marcus pulls on your hair harshly and groans when he sees you smiling up at him.

“Is that a promise Agent Pike?” You know you’re pushing his buttons and don’t hold back from gasping his name as he rolls you onto your back and aggressively pushes his boxer briefs down far enough to free his cock. He’s not really a vain man but seeing you lick your lips and inch closer to him as you stare at his hard dick makes him just a little cocky.

“Go on baby, open your mouth. Part those pretty fucking lips for me.” Marcus pats your lips softly and shivers when you respond to him right before you shut your eyes and wait for him to give you his cock.

“Yes sir.”

His knees buckle for a second the moment you take his tip into your mouth and suck on it. Marcus is torn between throwing his head back to enjoy the softness of your mouth and keeping his eyes on you as you suck on his cock. He leans forward and bites his cheek when you relax your throat and take more of his cock down your throat.

“P-part your legs for me baby please. Let me- oh fuck, your mouth is made of magic sweetheart. Let me- let me see how wet that pretty cunt is.” Marcus is already breathing heavily and he furrows his eyebrows in focus, not wanting to end this night early. You swallow around him a few times and hum when you feel his hand cupping your breasts while the other rests around your throat.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you try to take him down as deep as possible just as you part your thighs and begin to play with your pussy. Marcus groans and swears above you as you work him expertly and he can’t hold back from pushing the palm of his hand a little harder on your throat. He can feel his cock passing across your pharynx and moans your name over and over again when he looks down and sees drool rolling down your cheeks.

“Ahh fuck oh god, s-sweetheart you’re a fucking dream. W-where have you been all my life?” Marcus continues to kneed at your tits, but when he gets a little irritated when he sees your fingers rubbing your clit. Without warning, he leans forward as far as he can and slaps your hand away, replacing it with his own and biting his cheek when he finds you soaking.

“Shit baby, you’re so wet. Is this all for me?” You hum around him and twitch in surprise when you feel two of his thick fingers pushing past your wet folds and into your cunt. You’re already so close to coming from his teasing and you whimper when he nudges your thighs apart aggressively.

“Keep those legs open for me baby. Shit, the smell of you is fucking intoxicating. Fuck, that it’s, get on your hands and knees for me.” Marcus moves away and silences you with one look when you start to whine and reach for his cock.

“Unless you want to call it a night, you’ll get on your fucking hands and knees for me. Shit baby I’ve wanted to shove my tongue in that pussy as soon as you stripped for me.” He never breaks eye contact as he kicks away his pants and briefs before he makes quick work of his shirt. You quickly turn around and bite into your wrist as you get on all fours and try to look at him through your elbow. You reach down and ease two fingers into your cunt as you take in his broad shoulders and lean form. You swear his muscles flex the longer you stare at him and when you finally look at him, you’re a little embarrassed at being caught openly ogling him.

“Look at you, like a bitch in heat.” Regret rolls off of him as soon as he registers what he just said. An apology is on the tip of his tongue but then you’re arching your back and shifting closer to him, giving him a show as you curve your knuckles to try and hit that sweet spot inside of you.

“Oh aren’t you the prettiest sweetheart in the world.” You moan his name when he caresses your back and kneels behind you, laying soft kisses across your back as he palms and lightly smacks your ass. Marcus removes your hand away slowly but not before licking your fingers and humming around them as the taste of you fills his mouth.

“Marcus please...I- I need you inside me.”

“What do you need from me? You want my tongue and fingers? Or do you think this cunt is ready to take my cock?” Marcus nips at your skin and pushes a hand on your lower back when you try and move away from him.

“W-whatever you want...just- need to feel you inside me. I don’t care, please. Oh fuck...please.” You squeal when Marcus spreads your cheeks apart and spits on your slit right before licking across your cunt. You fist your hands into the sheets and bite down on your wrist when you feel his nose nudge at your entrance as his tongue flicks your engorged clit.

“Good answer sweetheart,” you hear him whisper just as he kisses across your folds and dips his tongue into your core. You’re already shaking with need and rock back against him, hoping he’d end your agony and give you his fingers as well. Marcus is losing his mind and he tries his hardest to focus on pleasuring you. But it’s so hard to hold back when you’re whimpering at his touch and shoving your pussy in his face to get more friction.

“Stop moving,” Marcus growls against you, and you cry out his name when his palms land on your ass cheeks three consecutive times before he rubs the reddening skin.

“Oh god, your tongue feels so good Marcus. D-don’t stop, please. I want to cum, l-let me cum. You’re so fucking- ahh s-shit.” You think you feel him smile against you as he pushes two fingers into your pussy but you can’t be sure because you suddenly feel full. Fuck, and it’s only his fingers.

“Jesus Christ sweetheart, you’re so fucking tight. Can’t wait to feel you around my cock.” He slowly parts you with his fingers and groans when he feels you squeezing his fingers. When you try to move against him again, Marcus slithers his hand across your back and grabs your neck, pushing your face into the bed as he leans over to whisper in your ears.

“You’re being such a bad girl tonight. I won’t give you another warning baby. Move again and I won’t fuck you.” You shiver when you hear his hoarse voice on your ears, grasping the pillows as hard as you can when he pushes his fingers as deep as possible and curls his knuckles.

“N-no please...I’m s-sorry- ahh gahd I’ll stop. I’ll stop.” Marcus is pleased with the effect he’s clearly having on you and almost gives in. But he wants you to cum before he takes you. From the looks of it, you aren’t looking for anything gentle, and with how hard he is, has been for the entire day, he doesn’t have the self-control to be anything but rough.

“Good girl...sweet fucking girl.” You force yourself to remain immobile as you feel him reaching deeper and applying more pressure on your spongy walls. The hand on your neck moves to your back and massages your heated skin. It takes you a while to realize that he’s reenacting the paintings in your living room and the thought shakes you to your core. Before you can even warn him, you feel a familiar pressure growing in the depths of your stomach and your heart hammers in your chest as you lose yourself to the sudden swelling sensation. You gasp his name over and over again as you cum around his fingers, and Marcus fists his hand in your hair when he feels you shuddering beneath him.

He’s shocked at how quickly you unravel at his ministrations and he doesn’t look away as he brushes his thumb against your clit and watches your body fight to not move away from him.

“M-Marcus wait- I...too much.” You can barely form a coherent sentence, let alone a thought, and you bite into the sheets when you feel his scruff scratch your skin deliciously as he licks off your juices.

“Use your safeword sweetheart and I’ll stop. But you came without asking so now I have to punish you...fuck, you taste as good as you smell baby, shit, maybe even better.” Marcus slows down but continues to move his digits across your tightening walls and when you say nothing, he sits up and twists his hand, waiting for your breathing to slow down before he begins to fuck you with his fingers.

“Oh oh f-fuck I- Marcus M-Marcus oh god...yes please fuck ahh I- I’m…” You try to warn him but he doesn’t slow down once, continuing his assault on your abused cunt until he feels you tightening around him again.

“Beg!”

“Can I- oh god, can I cum? Please fuck, I- I can’t s-stah ahh fuck.” You reach around and dig your nails into the hand fisting in your hair. You try to warn him again of what’s about to happen but he doesn’t give you a chance, picking up the pace just as he curves his digits and rubs at your sensitive spot.

“Drench me baby.” It’s all you need to fall over the edge again and your vision whites out as you convulse around him. Marcus smiles proudly when you listen to his command but his expression changes to one of awe when he feels you gush around his hand and wet his arm and thighs. He doesn’t stop once, completely captivated by the sight of your juices flowing around him so easily. When you try to move up the bed, Marcus lets go of your neck and pushes down on your lower back to keep you still. The damp spot beneath you is growing and something primal takes over Marcus. He wants nothing more than to soak the entire bed.

But he snaps out of his haze when you cry out his name and beg him to slow down. He looks at you as he gradually comes to a halt but keeps his fingers in your pussy. Marcus massages your muscles as he eases his wet fingers out of you and carefully maneuvers you until you’re laying on your back. You hiss at the sudden feeling of emptiness and almost jump away when you feel his tongue passing across the skin of your thighs. When you finally have enough mind to look at him, you’re taken aback by the sheer bliss written on his face as he closes his eyes and cleans you up. Your eyes widen in horror and embarrassment when you look at his glistening skin and you call for him shyly to grab his attention.

“I-I’m so sorry...I- I’ve never-”

“Don’t you dare apologize. That was the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen and the fact that I’m the first to make you squirt...best feedback I’ve ever gotten.” Marcus cuts you off as he licks at his forearm and fingers before he sits up behind you. You find his gaze much more intense than before and you hide behind your arm to avoid it.

“Marcus, stop.” He laughs at your sudden shyness and leans over to pull your arms away from your face.

“Please baby, don’t hide from me. Please.” You feel exposed underneath him and it’s a stupid thought considering what the two of you have been doing so far. But something about the way he’s staring at you with those deep, brown, soulful eyes makes you want to hide under the sheets. But instead, you take his hand and pull him close until he’s flush against you.

“K-kiss me.” You watch as his expression intensifies just as he leans forward and molds his lips with yours. You expected him to be rough but the way he parts his lips and allows you access to his mouth leaves you breathless. His scruff and mustache heighten the sensation and you instantly shove your tongue in his mouth when he melts against you. You hum when you finally taste yourself on his tongue and Marcus growls as the kiss grows more desperate. Just as you run out of breath, Marcus pulls away and holds back from smiling when you chase after him.

“Sweetheart, c-can I have you?” You’re amazed by how he’s still asking you if you want to do this even after the events of the past hour or so.

“Yes, please.” You respond as you push him off to resume your previous position again. Marcus feels his cock harden at the sight of you on your knees for him. But the moment shatters into a million pieces when he looks down and realizes that he doesn’t have any condoms.

“Fuck.” He hisses and begins to move away when he feels your hands reach for his thighs to stop him.

“What? What is it?”

“I- I didn’t think this would...I don’t have any condoms baby.” You stare at him for a few seconds before you break the silence and hope he doesn’t think any less of you. “I was tested after the last time and I’m clear. A-are you?” Marcus pins you with his eyes as he nods along. “I’m clean too...and, it’s been a while.” He hates to admit that last bit but he wants you to know that this, whatever it is, is serious.

“Same.” Your answer surprises him and he’s about to ask how that’s possible but forgets the question when you shift closer to him and dig your nails into his thighs to grab his attention.

“Fuck me.” The vulgar request sounds so pure rolling off of your tongue and Marcus pushes your knees wide open and settles between them. You continue to stare at him with hunger in your eyes as he strokes his cock a few times before he slides it across your wet slit. You’re already so sensitive from earlier but you can’t care less because you’ve only wanted to feel him inside you for the better half of the day. Marcus bites his lower lip and grasps your hips with one hand as he positions himself against your entrance and slowly pushes past your wet folds. He feels your walls already clenching around him and he hesitates for a moment as he moves his hands across your back to try and get you to loosen up.

“F-fuck...relax sweetheart. Relax for me please. I- I don’t- oh god, h-how are you this tight?” Your walls flutter around him when his hoarse, almost pained voice sounds through the room. “You’re doing so good baby, taking my cock in that pretty little cunt. Fuck, that’s it. Let me in sweetheart...could make you feel so good. Shit, that’s it.” Marcus cooes above you as he feels you slowly sucking him in. You sigh heavily when he finally sheathes himself completely inside you and it’s not until a few moments later that you realize he hasn’t moved a muscle.

“Marcus, m-move. Fuck, just- move.” Your impatient groans make him twitch inside you and the two of you hiss when his hips jut forward at your gasped requests. His hands hold onto you a little harshly, squeezing the skin of your hips and making you giddy at the thought of seeing those bruises the following day.

“Just wait...please baby I- I don’t want to hurt you. You feel so fucking good around me and- and I...oh fuck, f-fuck...squeezing the shit out of me. Please I-”

“Fuck. Me.” You turn your head around enough to look at him and find the sight of his sweaty forehead and furrowed eyebrows intoxicating. He can sense your eyes on him and reluctantly looks down at you when you pronounce those two words, watching as you pierce him with a harsh gaze as you roll your hips against him.

“I- are you…”

“Fucking please...take what you want.” The desperate tone of your voice breaks him and he pulls away until the tip of his cock is nudged in between your folds before he snaps his hips forward aggressively.

You shut your eyes and cry into your pillows as Marcus lets go and pounds into you. He’s no longer trying to hold back and you feel proud of the effect you have on him. Thinking back to the past hour, you realize that Marcus was going out of his way to control himself and not hurt you. But with every brush of his cock against your inner walls, with every groaned swear word and whispered affirmation, you can’t help but beg for him to fuck you harder. To take you like a crazed man. Because now that you’ve had a taste of what he’s capable of, you don’t want him to ease up on you.

“Shit baby, you’re perfect. Fucking perfect. Your cunt is begging for my cock sweetheart. Can you feel how deep I am? How deep this tight pussy is sucking me in?” Marcus nudges your knees a little farther apart as he plunges into you over and over again. You’re a moaning mess beneath him and as you try to reach back to hold onto his hands, Marcus lets go of your hips and grabs your wrists, using them as leverage to fuck you deeper.

You scream his name as his thrusts become relentless, the resonating sound of skin against skin reminding you of how sore you were going to feel for the rest of the week. You can’t really pay attention to what he’s saying anymore, choosing to focus on the way his dick fills you up completely and hits your special spot with precision. The thought of knowing that you’re at this man’s mercy and that he’s using you like he owns you makes you shudder and Marcus doesn’t realize you’re coming around him until he feels a pressure push out of you. He looks down and watches your cunt gushes on his cock and thighs again, the sight somehow even prettier the second time than the first.

He waits until you’re no longer convulsing in his arms before he thrusts his cock back into your pussy. Marcus leans down and wraps his arms around your front to bring you flush against his chest. Marcus brushes your hair aside and nuzzles into your neck as he begins to roll his hips against your ass, trying to drive his cock into you even further without hurting you. You reach around and pull on his hair when he bites on the juncture of your neck.

“You’re amazing, sweetheart.” The confession feels more intimate than anything he’s said to you thus far and you throw your head back and smile when his hands roam your front and settle on your navel.

“Marcus...please.”

“What do you need, baby? I’ll give you anything. Tell me...oh god, I- I’m so close.” Marcus kisses across your shoulder as one hand cups your breasts while the other descends to your clit. He feels you convulse around him but he doesn’t move his hand away, wanting to feel you cum one last time around his cock.

“I- I need you to cum for me...cum inside me. Fill me up baby...wanna feel you so deep inside me. Make a mess of my cunt. Please.”

“C-can you give me another?” He’s breathless, his pace faltering when he feels your walls squeeze around him tightly with every pass of his cock against your heated core.

‘I- I don’t think I can...too much baby.”

“Please, for me. Cum for me o-one last time...oh god, I’m close sweetheart. B-but I wanna cum with you. Please oh fuck- oh god, I- I’m fucking coming.” He growls into the crook of your neck as he rubs at your clit harshly, crying your name like a prayer as he feels you milk him dry. His thrusts are desperate and you pull on his hair harder than you intend when you feel his cum fill you up. Marcus can barely breathe as he shoots his seed deep in your pussy and feels you pulse around him. He continues to buck against you, the caveman mindset telling him to breed you and fill you up until you can’t take it anymore.

He stays motionless for a few minutes before he finally registers that you probably need to rest. As carefully as possible, Marcus pulls out and cradles your body against him as he lays you on your back. He looks down at you and smiles when he sees the mess he’s made between your thighs. He tries to get off the bed to bring you a cup of water and grab a wet towel when you reach out and pull him by his wrist.

“I need to clean you up sweetheart.” He tries to reason with you but you shake your head and pull harder on his hand so he could sit next to you.

“No just- come here. I need you. Please.” Marcus doesn’t have to be told twice. He lays down next to you and kisses your forehead when you cuddle into his arms. He draws circles on your shoulder and back when he feels your fingers play with his chest hair.

“Are you alright baby?” Marcus asks and pulls his head back when you hum a soft ‘yes.’ He searches your expression for any sign of discomfort, and when he finds none, he rests his head back again and lets you explore his skin.

“Hmm...did you know that hair was used in some ancient spells to ensure that the desired outcome occurred?” You break the silence after a while and Marcus furrows his eyebrows at you when you look up from his chest and meet his face.

“Uhh should I be worried Y/N?” He asks almost immediately and laughs when you panic and try to retract what you just said.

“Oh god sorry that- I didn’t mean...Jesus, I still need to work on my bedside manner.”

“I was kidding sweetheart. I actually enjoy listening to people talking about their interests, it’s a little calming. And no, I didn’t know that. What kind of spells are we talking about here?” You’re surprised by his response but say nothing and continue to follow the soft trail of hairs down his chest.

“Well, there are lots of curses that didn’t need hair but it was better if they were added...for efficacy and such. But the most common spells that required little curls like these were love spells, which technically are also curses but it sounds better when you say that it’s just a spell.”

“Are you trying to tell me something doctor?” Marcus can’t help but tease you again and he snorts when you sit up on your elbow and try to justify what you just said. He pulls you back into his arms and brushes your hair aside to take a better look at you.

“Oh no no, I just- I tend to think about this stuff at random times. Sorry. I swear I’m too much of a wimp to actually try anything. You never know if the desired outcome has any side effects...”

“No need to apologize baby. Besides, I don’t think you’ll ever need love magic with me.” The admission is out before he can stop himself and he cringes at himself, hoping that you don’t misunderstand him.

“Oh yeah, and why is that Agent Pike?” The hint of amusement in your tone lets him know that you didn’t mind teasing him back and he blinks a few times at the ceiling before he turns to gaze into your eyes.

“Well, you’re doing fine on your own being this amazing human being. You’re mesmerizing when you’re lecturing, you’re confident in your skills and knowledge, your intelligence is- I’m sure I’ve only scratched the surface with the case today. And you’re the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen...we could work a bit on your art choices but-”

“Hey!” You slap his shoulder and try to slither away from him but he’s too quick and wraps his arms around you before you can get off the bed.

“I’m kidding, I'm kidding...your art choices are the cherry on top.” Marcus nudges your nose with his and leans down to kiss you. He smiles when you moan beneath him. But the kiss is cut short when you push him away suddenly and narrow your eyes at him.

“You never told me how you knew which ones I commissioned.”

“Ugh no please, you’re going to think I’m a pervert.” Marcus falls back on the bed and tries to hide behind his arms.

“Oh yeah?” You slowly trail your hand down his stomach and wrap it around his cock. It’s all Marcus needs to lower his arm and look down to where you’re touching him. He shuts his eyes and lets his head fall back when you lean forward and nip at his jaw.

“B-baby fuck...oh god, please. I- I need a few more minutes and-”

“Tell me, please.” You cut him off with a bite to the shoulder, giggling when he thrusts up into your loose hold to get more friction.

“I- I was picturing the two of us...fuck, re-reenacting those scenes and those two jumped out more...more than the third.” He can barely speak through the haze you’ve put him in, and moans your name when you reach down and fondle his balls just as you whisper in his ears.

“How scandalous of you Agent Pike!”

“Sweetheart, please.” Marcus whines for you, the arm around your back pulling you flush to him and giving him perfect access to your breasts. He wraps his lips around one nipple and softly sucks on it as you continue to stroke his cock.

“Hmm, I like the sound of you begging...baby. Tell me, do you by any chance have your handcuffs on you?” The question catches him off guard, and he pulls away to look at you, finding a different kind of fire dancing behind your eyes.

“Fuck…I- uhh, they’re in the car. W-wait where are you going?” Marcus regrets his answer as soon as you let go of him and jump off of the bed. He watches as you run to the bathroom without answering him, only to return a few seconds later with bright red handcuffs clanking between your fingers.

“To get my own set Agent. Like you said, you and I need to get acquainted.” You unlock them as you walk back to the bed and straddle his thighs. Marcus looks at you with adoration and softly nods at you when you silently ask him if you could cuff him to the headboard of your bed.

“I’m yours sweetheart, take what you want.”

Taglist (some aren't working):

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[ilyasorokinn]

WAVES , erik johnson (chapter thirteen)

note, this is part of the waves series which is part of the heartbreak season series. here's the masterlist if you're interested. kat and erik's relationship is heavily based on jo and alex's relationship from grey's anatomy. just if anyone's curious. pair, erik johnson x oc (kat foley) summary, the epic love story of kat foley and erik johnson. warnings, character death (of a side character), talks of domestic abuse (both physical and mental) word count, 2188 words

(gif not mine)

Kat and Erik were sitting in hospital chairs while Aurora, Mel, and Gabe talked to Dr. Lola Coleman about Adam's injuries, "In the most simple terms, he has a concussion. A very severe one, and a few cracked ribs."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Just a lot of cuts from the glass." She explained.

Aurora looked over at Kat, whose face displayed emotions even she couldn't read, "What's your relation to Mr. Bradley?" Lola asked.

"He's..." Aurora hesitated, "He's Kat's soon-to-be ex-husband."

"Oh." Lola nodded, "Well if I get any new updates, I'll be sure to let you guys know." She flashed them a warm smile and walked away.

Aurora bent down in front of Erik and Kat, "So...?"

"We didn't do it," Erik stated immediately.

"Oh, we know you didn't. Convincing our friendly neighborhood men in blue might be a different story."

"They're not friendly," Kat muttered.

"I'm not sure you guys should be here, or even in the country," Gabe commented.

"We didn't do it, Gabriel." Kat spat.

"We know, and we believe you." Mel elbowed him in the stomach.

"I still think you can make it out of the country by lunch," Gabe muttered.

"We believe you," Aurora brought Kat's attention back to her, "We're just not sure the police will."

Erik glanced up and spotted Alison talking with a few cops, "Well, there might some other possibility." He nodded his head up in Alison's direction.

They followed his line of sight, and Kat let out a quiet gasp, "Oh, my God, Alison. You saw how terrified she was when she left the bar yesterday. I told her it would only get worse. She did this because of me."

"I think you guys should talk to a lawyer, just in case," Mel told them. Kat looked back up, and locked eyes with Alison. When they made eye contact, a look of recognition crossed Alison's face.

"I have to talk to her." Kat went to stand up.

"No, you can't." Erik grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the chair, "It doesn't matter who did and didn't do it. We look like we're conspiring over here."

-

Kat was sitting in a hospital chair while Erik grabbed some cups of coffee. Alison approached her as Erik came back, "Can I talk to you?" She asked.

"She really shouldn't be talking to you," Erik stated.

"It'll only be a second," Alison told him.

"It's all right." Kat took the cup from him and nodded reassuringly. Erik looked in her eyes, trying to decipher if she really was all right. Once he reassured himself she was okay, he walked away towards where Gabe and Mel were sitting.

"I just want you to know I didn't tell the police anything at all," Alison told her.

"What do you mean?" Kat asked, her brows furrowing together in confusion.

"I didn't tell them it was you. But thank you, thank you so much." Alison looked relieved more than anything.

-

Kat led Alison down the hall towards an empty hallway so they could have more privacy to talk, "Wait," Alison looked just as confused as Kat, "I was at the hotel. He got mad and went for a walk and told me to stay put--it wasn't you?"

"I swear to God it wasn't." Kat raised her hands in surrender.

"Who do you think it was?"

"An angel?" Kat scoffed.

"I'm sorry." Alison apologized.

"No, you don't have to-" Kat began to shake her head.

"I do." Alison cut her off, "I really thought I was better than you. I believed everything he told me about you. God, I'm smart. I'm a doctor, I'm a feminist, I never thought I would end in something like this."

"It happened so slow. I stop talking to my friends, my co-workers, people he didn't like. Then my family didn't understand, and they got worried. So I just brushed them off, and then stopped talking to them, too, until my circle got smaller and smaller until he was the only person left."

"And then I stopped believing myself. Things I had seen and things I had heard, things I knew were true, because he told me I was crazy, and I just believed him. He knows me so well, he can zero in on an insecurity, and make a whole argument come back on me, and now it's my fault all over again. I'm always the one that's wrong."

Kat stood with Alison as she paced and ranted, just listening to the story that sounded all too familiar to her because Adam did the same thing to her.

He isolated her from her friends, her family, Aurora and manipulated her into thinking she was crazy.

"When he started hitting me, it was just barely a surprise." Alison scoffed a little, "And he told me it was my fault, and I actually believed him. Until you talked to me yesterday, I actually believed him." Kat nodded, "How did I believe him?"

"Because he was good to you in the beginning. Alison, we're not stupid. We didn't fall for someone who beat us, we fell for someone who made us laugh and feel wanted and loved and seen."

"Adam is brilliant and charming and persuasive and so manipulative, and the good outweighed the bad until it didn't," Kat told her.

Alison listened to her and nodded. Kat nodded, reaching over and grabbing Alison's hand, giving it a squeeze.

-

Alison walked into Adam's room, who was now awake. He saw Alison and scoffed when he saw that Kat's hand was interlaced with Alison's. Following behind them were Aurora and Lola.

"Why are you with Emily?" He asked. The whole left side of his face was covered with blood and scrapes.

"Cause she doesn't want to be alone with you." Kat spat, ignoring him calling her the wrong name.

He chuckled, "Why am I not surprised? You tried to poison her when I'm not able to defend myself?" He shook his head, "Alison, get my stuff. I'm not staying here." He sat up, pulled out wires, and pushed himself off the bed.

"No," Alison stated, standing her ground.

"Babe. I'm really trying here, but you got to meet me halfway." He scoffed once again, "I know I'm not perfect. You are way closer to that than I am. But, please, can we just leave this place and not look back? We have a wedding to plan." He exhaled.

Alison removed her hand from Kat's and took a step closer to Adam, "You should probably call your office and let them know you're gonna be gone for a few days."

"That's my girl," Adam smirked.

"Or, like, ten to twenty years." She corrected.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm gonna talk to the police, Adam. I'm gonna tell them every time you ever hurt me. - Every kick, every slap." She took a breath, "You put your hands around my throat last night, so that's not just domestic violence. That's attempted murder." She turned around to Kat, "Will you testify?"

"Absolutely." Kat nodded.

"You sound crazy," Adam told her.

"No, I don't."

"No, she doesn't."

"Not at all."

"Not even a little." All four girls responded at the same time.

"Alison, I'm the well-known spokesperson, and you're... nobody. All you're gonna do is throw your career in the garbage. No one's gonna hire someone they don't trust."

"No, I'm not gonna let you scare me into backing down again." She shook her head.

"Scare you? I'm the one who should be scared. You're threatening me in a hospital bed. I-I'm defenseless. Please. Can we just talk?" He begged, trying to manipulate her.

"Some very broken part of me still loves you, Adam, but let me be very clear... I am never speaking to you again unless it's from a witness stand." Alison told him, her voice soft.

"You stupid bitch." Adam cursed, his angry side quickly coming through, "You're not going to the police! You're not walking out on me!" He spat, attempting to jump out of the bed.

Alison and Kat gasped. Kat grabbed Alison and pulled her out of the way while Aurora and Lola stepped in and stood protectively in front of Kat and Alison.

Adam's foot got stuck in the blankets and he tripped, hitting his head on the edge of the bed. He crashed on the ground, unconscious. Lola cautiously took a step forward while Aurora kept her place in front of Kat and Alison.

"His pulse is thready, and he's not breathing. We should get a crash cart in here." Lola announced.

-

Kat and Alison were standing outside of Adam's room with Aurora, who was consoling Kat, and Erik, "What does "second-impact syndrome" mean?" Alison asked Lola.

Aurora looked down and noticed Kat messing with the skin on her arm, pinching it. She reached down and placed her hand on top of Kat's, effectively stopping the harm Kat was doing to herself.

"It means he got a second concussion before the first one healed, and his brain herniated." She explained.

The neurosurgeon walked out of his room, "Is he brain-dead?" Kat asked.

"We can't say with certainty for a few more hours, but it appears that way. I'm... I'm very... I'm sorry." The woman explained, "Are you comfortable talking to her about her options?" She looked over to her colleague.

"Yes." Lola nodded.

"What does she mean by "options"?" Alison asked.

"Well, she means you have to decide if you want to withdraw his life support." Lola told her, then looked over to Kat, "But, it's not up to Alison."

"Oh, my God." Kat gasped, "It's me. I'm still legally his wife." She stated, then burst into hysterical laughter. Like, the laugh you would let when someone would tell an amazingly funny joke.

Aurora knew the stress and everything were hitting her at that very moment and knew at any second, Kat would break down.

"Oh, my God." Kat was gasping for air as everyone stood and watched her break down, "I'm so sorry. Crap, I'm so sorry." She covered her mouth as her laughter stopped and soon turned into crying.

Aurora wrapped her arms around Kat as she cried, rubbing her hand up and down Kat's back. Aurora closed her eyes, feeling tears form in her own.

It was all too similar to when Kat first showed up on Aurora's doorstep, finally revealing everything Adam had done to her.

-

Erik stood outside of Adam's room. Kat and Alison were watching Adam as they asked Lola questions. Although Kat got the final say, she wanted Alison to have a say too.

Aurora walked up to him, a smile on her face, "It was a drunk driver." She told him.

"What?!" Erik asked.

"They found the guy who hit Adam. It was a drunk driver. So nobody has to go to Canada." He chuckled, "She's free." Aurora smiled, crossing her arms as she watched Kat and Alison.

"What happens if we leave him plugged in?" Alison asked Lola.

"His organs will shut down. He won't last for long." Lola answered.

"I wanted him to rot in jail." Alison stated, "I wanted to stand up and tell the whole world what he did. I wanted to stand up in court and humiliate him the way he humiliated me."

Kat looked down at the man she once feared, but now, all she felt was pity. Adam Bradley ruined her. He found her broken, sad, and wanting to be loved and manipulated that want.

He squeezed everything good out of her and replaced it with doubt, worry, and pain.

"When I was with him, he didn't smoke or drink. Is that still true?" Kat asked.

"Yeah. He jogs five miles a day. No red meat. Why?" Alison asked.

"Because I know what to do." Kat looked up at Lola, who looked at her curiously.

-

A few hours later, Kat was sitting back in the same hospital seat, flipping through the files Lola had given her, "Is this allowed?" Alison chuckled.

"I was given permission by the chief of the hospital." Kat shrugged. She smiled as she came across a specific file, "This is a good one. His kidney's going to a little girl in Billings." She pointed.

In the end, instead of deciding to just leave him plugged in or un-plugging him, Kat decided to donate his organs to people who really needed them.

"Do you think he's evil?" Alison asked, causing Kat to look up at her, "I mean, I'm a teacher, and I think I'm an atheist. But there's a little part of me that's worried that the girl in Billings is getting an evil kidney." She chuckled.

Kat nodded, "I don't believe anyone is just evil. If people were just one thing, life would be so much simpler. Adam Bradley was awful in this life, but now, in death, he gets to do all this good."

While she was speaking, Alison was ripping the engagement ring off her finger, "So there's light and darkness, and they both coexist. And sometimes it's really beautiful." Kat smiled over at Alison, who smiled back.

-

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[screamxqueenx94]

So, just for the fun of it, I'm going to do my own casting of The Batfam and who I would like to see play these particular characters in a movie (yes, I know some are already portrayed in Titans or other onscreen adaptions, but again, just for fun lol) if you guys agree with my picks or have your own opinions, feel free to comment or reblog, just no reposts please! [I don't own any of the gifs, so shout out to the creators]

Batman/Bruce Wayne- Josh Hartnett

Hear me out! So many bigger stars have played Batman and if I'm being honest, only one of them was actually good at it (looking at you, Michael Keaton) Josh isn't as big as some of them and is such an underrated actor. He has range! And he's very handsome. He could easily play the Caped Crusader and would really be dedicated to the role. He was offered the role in Batman Begins years ago, but turned it down due to fear of being pigeonholed, but has actively said he regrets that, so I feel if he was given the chance, he'd absolutely nail it! And he wouldn't have to change his voice too much since he has a naturally deep voice!

Nightwing/Dick Grayson-Dylan O'Brien

Now here's another actor with range! Not only that, but he has proven on many occasions that he can do action scenes despite suffering from Osgood–Schlatter disease. He and Josh have the perfect age gap to match Bruce and Dick perfectly. He also has a very similar build to Dick Grayson and has done enough comedic work that he could pull off Dick's more laid back persona versus the others. Dylan is also a huge comic book fan with his favorites being Spiderman and Batman, that he would know how his character would react naturally to different situations. Plus, Dick Grayson has the best booty in comics and Dylan has the best booty in real life. You can't just let stuff like that slide!

Red Hood/Jason Todd- Matthew Daddario

Okay, so I know that technically he's a couple years older than Dylan, but Matthew would be a great Jason Todd post Lazarus Pit, think about it. Jason died as a teen, but was reintroduced as an adult (22 years old) and was suddenly ripped and shit. Matthew fits that to a tee. Admittedly, I don't know much of his acting besides a few episodes of Shadowhunters and in Delivery Man, but I enjoyed his work in both, and now know he can do action. I do believe he could play a dark and brooding character such as Jason Todd if given the opportunity.

Red Robin/Tim Drake- Lance Lim

[Couldn't find any gifs of Lance Lim]

Some of you might find this one surprising, but it totally makes sense if you think about it. Let's start off with stature; Lance is 5 ft. 4in., Tim is the smallest built of all the Robins (apart from Damien who is a literal child). He's also on the more slender side, which, again, makes him physically perfect for Tim. While Tim can throw down, he was always more brains than anything and I think Lance could really bring that to life. Next, Lance is also not as well known, but has the potential and the time to grow as an actor and playing Tim Drake would really do that for him since he is not utilized in media as much as Jason or Dick. Hopefully he's also comfortable playing a bisexual character since Tim Drake has been confirmed as bisexual.

Oracle/Barbara Gordan- Emma Stone

I noticed she is a fan favorite, but I really do think she would be perfect. I talked about range a few times, and she's another actor who has that. Barbra is a very smart, sassy feminist type of woman and Emma just gives off those vibes to me. She fits the physical look too. Lean, redheaded, blue/green eyes and is literally only an inch taller than what Barbara is in the comics. She's also close enough in age with Dylan for Babs and Dick's canon relationship to either be current, or part of their past. Her playing Babs would be semi different for her. She did play Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spiderman, but to be an actual hero rather than just a love interest, I really think would be a huge step up for her. Plus, like I said before, she's a fan favorite and I think that also says a lot.

Catwoman/Selina Kyle- Dania Ramirez

Dania is very familiar with the superhero world due to her being in Heroes and X-MEN 3: The Last Stand. She, like four of the other actors I mentioned, has range. She can be a hero or a villain and that's perfect for Catwoman since she is, in fact, an antihero. Also, I'd like to mention that she has a great body for a catsuit! Since she has done action before, she would have no problem getting into the roll and being dedicated to said roll.

Huntress/Helena Bertinelli- Vanessa Morgan

Tbh, I don't really have an explanation for this one. I just really wanna see her in the roll. I think it could really help skyrocket her into stardom.

Batgirl/Cassandra Cain- Lana Condor

Okay, I know most people want her to come back as Jubilee again, and rightfully so. But I think getting to play Cassandra would be perfect for her. First of all, she's the one who's the most familiar with action and superheroes out of everyone on the list so far with her work in X-MEN: Apocalypse, Deadly Class and Alita: Battle Angel. Cassandra is a character who's a little rough around the edges, but is determined to be a good person and do the right thing considering she was raised around assassins and was trained to be one, with how much there is to unload there, I think Lana's got this in the bag.

Spoiler/Stephanie Brown- Chloë Grace Moretz

I swear this girl was born to play action roles! She literally trained with Jackie Chan and his crew to play Hit Girl, and still keeps up with it. She's also close enough in age to match with Lance for a canon relationship. Stephanie wouldn't be all that different from Hit Girl, but she would be playing someone with a more positive outlook on life and I definitely think she could pull it off.

The Signal/Duke Thomas- Chosen Jacobs

Okay, so I've only seen him in the It franchise, but I feel like with him being so young, not only could he pull off the roll, it'll also give him a chance to really widen his range as an actor. He still looks young enough to play Duke as well.

I think I'm going to make a part two, but tell me what you guys think! Again, feel free to comment and share and like to let me know what you think of my casting choices!

[astralaffairs]

think of it as like an au or something, but I'm just curious to see how president thom would react to seeing someone forcing themselves on mc at like a state dinner if they're not together, i feel like he'd try to stand up for her but also it'd be kinda sus of the president standing up for some press figure who's been talking shit abt him

i love this concept omg. i got an ask similar to this a while back, so i’ve been sitting on a lot of ideas for it. tbh thomas would hardly be able to restrain himself from fucking throttling whoever’s harassing mc, but he isn’t gonna refrain from stepping in. anyway, his standing up for her then makes the media hail him as a feminist icon for like the next 3 weeks

this broke my heart to write tho lowkey </3

-----

"You're… you're Y/N L/N, aren't you? With the Washington Post?"

Y/N had been sour all night. Her feet were cramping in her heels, the tag on her dress was starting to itch, and worst of all, her editor had forced her to take the invite Alex had extended her to the state dinner. She’d had no plans of interacting with the Jefferson administration — in fact, her plan had been to stay as far from them as possible so that she could focus on work, but she mentioned the state dinner offhandedly to a coworker, another had overheard, and the next thing she knew, her boss had found out.

Moreover, she was fairly certain that Thom– no, President Jefferson had only invited Alex to antagonize him, so it was no wonder he didn’t want to go. However, when he gave her the invite, she protested that, since it wasn’t addressed to her, she couldn’t go, and she certainly couldn’t go without him, but both Alex and her editor had insisted it’d be fine. There would be enough people present that she’d slip under the radar, so what was the harm?

And slip under the radar she did. As Vice President and Second Lady, James and Dolley were unattainable company for the evening; they were busy with the heads of PACs, with senators, with members of the State Department. The latter group included Lafayette — he’d been promoted not long after President Jefferson took office, which ruled him, too, out of her options for who she could hang out with. He was off wooing foreign diplomats.

So, there she was, standing alone at the side of the room with her expensive champagne (there was an open bar, thank god) and the small-but-growing pile of business cards she’d collected throughout the night.

At least, she was alone until the anonymous man in question approached her. She turned to him with her eyebrows raised.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m Y/N,” she said, surprised that she’d been recognized. “I’m not with the Post, anymore, though.”

“Of course. My mistake,” he apologized, and when he extended to her a hand to shake, she stuffed her newly-acquired business cards back into her purse “I’m Richard Lestrade. I work in the Department of Defense.”

“Nice to meet you.” She had little interest in chatting with him, but she politely shook his hand. “What can I do for you?”

He laughed softly, but it made Y/N raise an eyebrow. “I don’t have some kind of agenda. I just recognized you from your time as a news analyst and thought I’d come introduce myself.”

“Of course.”

She only responded so as to placate him, and she thought that how curt her reply was would deter him from trying to strike up a conversation. She met his eyes with an expectant eyebrow raised as she took another sip from her champagne.

“So how’d you get an invite here tonight?” he asked after a moment. “I mean, I was invited because I work for him, working on naval strategy and all, so it’s just a perk of the job, but I’m surprised to see you. With how much you’ve done to keep President Jefferson from being elected, I wouldn’t think you’d end up on the guest list for state dinners.”

She shrugged. “Alexander Hamilton invited me, actually.”

“Secretary Hamilton was invited? Really?” At that, the disbelief in Richard’s expression was almost patronizing. “Wow, I didn’t hear that he and President Jefferson had buried the hatchet. I always thought they were rivals, or even enemies.”

“Oh, make no mistake, they hate each other,” she said coolly.

“So why would Secretary Hamilton be invited?”

“So Jefferson could rub it in his face that he won the election.” She shrugged, turning back to face the room before them, but Richard seemed surprised.

“No, no, he wouldn’t be that petty,” he scoffed, but his tone was condescending, as though her theory had absolutely no foundation. “He’s the president. I think he has higher priorities than antagonizing someone who’s old news.”

Y/N resisted rolling her eyes at his calling Alex ‘old news,’ as though Richard was somehow a higher calibre of invitee to the state dinner. “You underestimate how catty politicians are. Jefferson included.”

“President Jefferson,” he corrected her, and she gave him a sidelong glance, eyeing him warily.

“Sure.”

“But anyway, I suppose I’m glad President Jefferson invited Hamilton, if it means you’re here, too.”  Richard raised his glass to her as though in tribute, and she was sure the smile she offered him came off as more of a grimace. She had little appreciation for his heavy-handed advance.

“That’s nice of you to say,” she replied mildly before draining the remainder of her glass. She turned to him with a nonchalant, nearly-blank expression. “And as great as it’s been to meet you, I think I have to run. I’m heading out soon and need to say a few goodbyes.” Truthfully, she had no intention of leaving. Her editor would have her head if he found out she cut bait so early in the night, and if she fled before Jefferson addressed the entire room, she wouldn’t be able to provide her boss with the synopsis of the presidential address. She only wanted to leave that conversation.

“You’re leaving so early? Why’s that?”

She shrugged. “I suppose the Jefferson Administration isn’t really my scene. I’ll see you around, Mr. Lestrade.”

“Please, it’s Richard,” he corrected her. “But you should stay longer. If you leave now, you’ll miss President Jefferson’s address.”

What was it with this guy and using Jefferson’s full title? “Please, consider for a moment that missing it may be entirely the point,” she said dryly, and Richard gave a light laugh.

“Oh, please. I’m sure that even a democrat like you can appreciate a good speech.” ‘Even a democrat like her’? What was that supposed to mean? “As a journalist, this should be right up your alley.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to find the transcript online in a few hours. I’ll survive.”

“It’ll have a much greater impact in person,” he countered, and she sighed. “So, please, stay. Can I get you a drink? What are you drinking?”

“Thanks, but I’m okay,” she said. As though she was about to let a man she’d met only minutes before handle her drink. That would be a recipe for disaster. “I really should get going.”

“No, wait,” he protested, and when she began walking away from him anyway, he caught her by the arm, pulled her back. She turned back to him with an expectant expression, trying to quell the anger building in her chest. “You can’t leave yet; dinner hasn’t even been served.”

“I can fend for myself on that front,” she assured him, and although her teeth were clenched, she plastered on a smile. “So if you’d kindly let go of my arm, I’m going to be on my way.”

“I was hoping to get to know you, actually.” He released her, but her immediately marching off toward the center of the room caught him off guard. “No, wait!” She stifled a groan when she heard him hurrying after her, and as he came to a stop in front of her, blocking her path, she narrowed her eyes. “Come on, Y/N. Come sit down with me and some of my friends; it’ll be a nice time, okay? I’m a nice guy.” He wore a hopeful smile, apparently convinced of his words as she folded her arms.

“I’m sure you are, but I need to get back to my table to retrieve my coat,” she said apologetically. Her anger didn’t show on her face, thankfully. “So I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Oh, sure you can; you’re just being stubborn,” he insisted. He took a step forward toward Y/N, and she took a step back. “Now, I know we’re from opposite parties, and all, but I’ve been a fan of your reporting for a long time, and I’d really appreciate it if you just came and sat down with us for a few minutes. You and I have a lot in common. I have a feeling we’d hit it off.”

The coy smile he wore made her want to grimace, and when he added a wink, she did grimace, visibly. “This is nice and all, but I’m not really interested.”

“Sure, because you don’t know me yet,” Richard countered, and he took another step toward her, grabbing her by the elbow as he came to stand next to her. Y/N could feel her heart pounding as he forcibly turned her, pointed out his table. “Let’s go. We’re sitting right over there.”

“No, really, I’d rather not,” she repeated, and as she tried to pull her arm away from his grip, he pulled her toward him with an arm around her waist — it was then she realized she couldn’t do nearly anything about it without making a scene. And given her history, a scene was the last thing she wanted. “Please let go of me.”

“You don’t have to stay long; I’m not asking much.” It was then that he began leading her toward the table, and as she stumbled alongside him, panic was rising in her chest. She was looking around for some way out, some familiar face — Dolley, Lafayette, someone — but nobody appeared. “Just have a seat. Let me get you a drink.”

And there he was, repeating his offer. No matter who it was, the insistence on drinking with her would make her wary, but this man already had worry building in her throat, so the feeling only compounded with his words. “I don’t want to come with you. Get your hands off of me.” He didn’t stop, though, and she finally had to dig in her heels, trying to pull back from him. She knew he was stronger than her, but her resistance to him dragging her along certainly grabbed his attention. Richard frowned.

“Oh, come on, don’t be such a–”

“‘M fairly sure I heard her tellin’ you to let go of her.” The voice was stern, and it made both her and Richard freeze, and for entirely different reasons. Y/N would’ve been able to recognize it anywhere, the southern drawl, the lazy enunciation, and her pulse was then spiking for an entirely different reason. Richard turned immediately toward the sound, releasing her, but Y/N stayed put.

“Mr. President,” Richard said breathlessly, his eyes wide. “It’s an honor to meet you; I–”

“What’s your name?”

“Richard Lestrade, sir.” He sounded excited to have courted Jefferson’s attention, apparently oblivious to the undertone of anger in his voice. Y/N recognized it clearly, though, too clearly, and it made her sick to her stomach. She resented the familiarity.

“D’you work here, Mr. Lestrade?”

“I work for the Department of Defense, sir. I’m a naval strategist. Graduated top of my class from the US Naval Academy; I actually helped plan the–”

“I don’t remember askin’ for your resume.” Then, the annoyance Jefferson exuded was clear, unmistakable in his snarky interjection. Y/N had to purse her lips to keep herself from laughing, especially as she glanced over at Richard and found him pale as a ghost.

“Of course not, sir. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think I’m the one you should be apologizin’ to, now,” Jefferson said frankly, and Y/N didn’t see him watching her until she reluctantly turned, glancing between him and Lestrade. “Ms. Y/N L/N, correct?” he asked, and she nearly winced.

“Yes, that’s me.” Her strained smile was fooling nobody, but when he saw it, Jefferson’s composure didn’t waver.

“Did I hear you tellin’ Mr. Lestrade not to touch you?”

When he addressed her, she forced herself to shake her nerves, he jumbled emotions, off for the time being, and she pushed her shoulders back, presenting a front of confidence.

“You did, as a matter of fact.” She looked up tentatively to meet his eyes — and she immediately wished she hadn’t. While his expression exuded nonchalance, his casual authority over the situation, she knew him well enough to recognize the concern in his eyes: his forehead was creased almost imperceptibly, one eyebrow was quirked up, and one corner of his mouth twitched down. Her jaw tensed as she swallowed her heartache.

She was grateful that he then turned back to Richard. “Care to explain yourself, Mr. Lestrade?”

The interaction had stirred a bit of a crowd around them by then; the others in their immediate vicinity had ended their conversations at once upon hearing the confrontation, but the hush seemed to be spreading further across the room, and Richard was glancing left and right as he gaped at Jefferson. “Oh, no, it was just a misunderstanding. Look–”

“I’m not sure it was,” Jefferson cut him off, and his tone was biting. “Forgive me if this is too presumptuous, but I don’t think there’s anything unclear about a woman tellin’ you to take your hands off of her.”

“We were just chatting.”

“That wasn’t what it looked like,” Jefferson said, folding his arms. “From where I was standin’, it seemed like you grabbed a woman against her will, and you refused to let go. ‘S that accurate, Ms. L/N?”

She wished desperately that he’d stop addressing her. Her throat went dry as he all but admitted he’d been watching her, and she could only nod, unable to find her voice. Thankfully, he took that as enough of an answer.

“I never meant to hurt Y/N, sir. Honestly, I’m so sorry if I did–” Richard turned to Y/N. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you, but my intention wasn’t–”

“You blatantly ignored me telling you to stop,” she said. His speaking to Y/N once again made her blood boil, and she couldn’t help but snap at him, despite how lightly she felt herself to be treading in present company. “Don’t pretend like this was some unfortunate accident.”

Lestrade went from gaping at Jefferson to gaping at her, then. “I… I’m sorry, again, but come on, you know I was just trying to be friendly,” he defended, and she rolled her eyes, getting tired of his excuse. The edge of aggression in his tone made her take a wary step away from him, though. “I invited you to–”

“You said you work for the Department of Defense, correct?” Jefferson cut him off, diverting his attention from Y/N, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, silently thanking him for bailing her out.

“Yes, sir.” Lestrade offered a weak smile, but his fear was obvious in how he was holding himself. Jefferson regarded him with an air of disgust, looking him up and down.

“Well, you don’t anymore.” Y/N’s eyes widened at the declaration, but President Jefferson paid her no mind. “ I’ll be in touch with your supervisor to have you dismissed.”

“What?” Lestrade asked, “but, sir, that’s my job. I need to–”

“Not anymore, it isn’t.” President Jefferson’s words were firm. “Now, please, I’d like to ask you to leave now so it isn’t necessary for me to have you shown out with a security detail.”

Lestrade froze, and for a moment, Y/N expected him to protest, but when he saw all the people around them watching him, anticipating his next move, he turned on his heel, flushing bright red, and started toward the exit. Y/N and Jefferson were both scowling as they watched him leave.

However, it wasn’t long before Jefferson turned to Y/N, although she hadn’t turned back to face him.

“Are you alright, Ms. L/N?” he asked mildly, and she was sure her surprise pertaining to the whole situation was written across her face when she met his gaze. She nodded hesitantly. “I’d appreciate hearin’ you say it.”

“I’m just fine,” she assured him, voice shaky, and his tense shoulders relaxed, although he didn’t look fully convinced. “But thanks for your concern, really, Thom– sorry, Secretary– I mean, President Jefferson.”

She saw the corners of his lips twitch up when she almost called him Thomas.

"Of course. Let me know if there's anything I can do." His words were wary, careful not to cross any lines or to impose upon her, but she smiled.

"I think that firing Mr. Lestrade on sight was quite enough," she said, and when a grin split Thomas’s– President Jefferson's worried expression, her stomach turned; her smile was strained. Everything about him felt too familiar, painfully familiar.

"Fair enough,” he acquiesced. At how ill-at-ease she appeared, though, his smile wavered. “Hope I didn't go overboard."

She shrugged. "He deserved it."

Thomas Jefferson laughed, and the sound was as warm as she remembered it being. She hadn’t heard it in person in nearly three years, and for her to have come across him so suddenly, it was jarring. She was quite sure she was going to be sick.

“I s’pose you’re right.” By then, those around them had begun to disperse, so after glancing left and right, he took a step closer to her, furrowed his brow, and every muscle in her body tensed. Yet, she didn’t move away. His voice was soft, gentle when he asked. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, swallowing hard. “Don’t you have some politicians to get back to?”

He pursed his lips, and she was sure the tense grief in her expression wasn’t hidden as well as she’d have liked it to be. “I guess so,” he finally said, but he didn’t move, looking her over, and his voice was quiet when he said, “‘S good to see you, though. You look good.”

“Yeah, you too,” was all she could manage in response. He gave her a sad smile, nodded, and the silence between them stretched on Just as she thought he was about to turn, head back to where he’d been previously, he stopped himself.

“Will I see you around?”

The hope in his voice made her throat tighten, and she took a deep, shaky breath. She shook her head, and her voice nearly broke when she answered, “I don’t think you will.”

[ukaiknowsbest]

I did read the naginata meta, but I don't see why this means that she can beat up the main character guys (who are very strong) in comedic arcs and struggles with the bad guys (even the minor ones) in serious arcs. I don't think she's written consistently in that way.

bad guys in serious arcs huh. Okay I'll review

Lesson 1 - first chapter birthing pains? tbf she did punch one of the loansharks but there were too many for her and also shinpachi could n't do a thing yet.. also like she was scared too.

Yagyuu - ...she wasnt captured and she didnt want to leave

4 Devas - she beat them up

Ryugujou - she allowed herself to be led to the villain though. THat was the only way she could face off with Otohime and find an answer to Katsura and Gintoki's ageing problem. And also so what if she's ready to die anyway. She didn't even care about dying and still spat at the captor. That's gutsy imo and shows a different kind of mental strength.

Farewell Shinsengumi - she was up against the shogun and the commander in chief though? like..would you as a commoner defy that kind of arrest after insulting the SHOGUN? anything she'd do against them would hurt the cabaret girls too. Even Gintoki let himself be captured after beating up the Shogun, ready to die for both otae and hijikaa. And she also stared the shogun down herself, not afraid to die. LIke I said she's pretty nuts for having the balls to do that. Where's the weakness in staring down a captor at the face of death?

Silver Soul Arc - Got captured at the start but didnt move a muscle coz she was watching the yorozuya office get destroyed. Being captured was the least of her priorities when the building that she'd been faithfully watching over for weeks was being obliterated into dust. Also she threw off the captor later when Yorozuya appeared. So it checks out.

Siege of Kabukichou - she wasnt even paying attention at her surroundings and were more focused on letting the girls escape. How would she have known that an amanto would pull her by the hair when she was still making sure her friends got through the window? Also as a naginata/polearm user, the moment an opponent gets past one's blade and into striking range, they're toast.

Same with the Shinra capture too. She wasnt paying attention of their backs while listening to Tsukuyo's feminist speech. The real question is that why wasn't anyone on the lookout anyway? The Shinra already pegged her as the leader and was able to approach her stealthily (their specialty btw) and subdue. I mean technically there's no way she could escape that, weapon or not, special judo techniques or not. She was captured from behind while standing at the edge of a roof oi.

Final Arc - opening salvo. She held her own though?? That was proper use of her polearm. The fact that she could block two Amanto bigger than her is already impressive. I mean she did slice down the other opponents before those two. And like I said, she and shinpachi helped each other in the upper floors. It just wasn't drawn nor animated.

comedy arcs

about her being able to hurt the mcs... i don't remember any of them capturing her from behind (with the intent to kill) like the rest of supposed bad guys. IN comedy arcs where she beats them up.. she's aware and alert and is usually the one who's on attack/defensive offense. (esp when she punishes gintoki or kondou or knocks over madao).

Also I think Gintoki is just letting her do with him as he please. So does Kondou, Hijikata, Madao. I'm open to that interpretation too. These guys won't hit woman even if it's a gorilla like Otae.

also maybe we're both fools for expecting logic in gintama of all things. im trying to not get caught in that trap myself. An example that was recently brought up was her surviving the fall in Roach Motel and yet possibly dying when she was pushed off the roof in SSA.

I do not deny that she is weak in some aspects. She isn't trained militia. She isn't used to battle. She's a cabaret girl. She gave up her training for work, she let a stampede of girls knock her over in dekobokko, she used kagura to clear up the line for valentines, etc. etc. She's multifaceted. She uses her strength sometimes and also she doesn't and instead screams for help. Sometimes she's better at mindgames and spitting at captors and sometimes she's an airhead boke with a singular focus that gets to the point of her being captured. It's consistent coz it happens multiple times in the course of 704 chapters and a movie. I'm fine with that.

:D

[revchainsaw]

Bumblebee (2018)

Good Evening worshippers, and welcome! Today the Cult of Cult goes a little more mainstream than usual. It's been a while since i've tackled a big Hollywood superhero film. But I do believe that these sorts of films will be remembered fondly my small groups of people in the future, especially the smaller films that are being overshadowed by the big bad MCU, films like 2018s Bumblebee.

The Messsage

Bumblebee was originally released as a prequel to the Transformers franchise that had started all the way back in 2007. However, reboots had really hit the market as a way to breath new life into struggling franchises, and the Transformers series had already gone to just about every absurd extreme you could imagine. No changes were made to the movie as it was released, but with it's more childish and heartfelt tone, and a new aesthetic that was softer, smoother, and all around just generally more pleasing to the eye, I think it was a wise choice to rebrand Bumblebee as a new beginning.

Our story is of two friends from two very different worlds and how they came together. Our first character is Bumblebee, then known as B- number sign/it doesn't really matter. Not yet Bumblebee is a soldier set with securing a safe location for the Autobots to regroup and make their home as they suffer a pretty serious defeat on cybertron at the hands of the tyrannical Decepticons. Optimus Prime, here again voiced by Peter Cullen and looking so much more like himself, assigns this task to Bumblebee promising him that they will meet him there when the time comes. Then Optimus fucks off for the rest of the run time making way for our little hero.

Bumblebee lands on Earth and is immediately set upon by John Cena and his military goon squad. It probably would have been wise for Bumblebee to avoid John Cena but in his defense, he couldn't see him. Hardy har har. In his attempt to flee his voice box is damaged, he seeks sanctuary by taking the form of a run down little VW bug, and suffers from amnesia.

Then we have Charlie. Charlie is not like other girls. She likes cars, all the retro music, which wasn't retro when the movie takes place, so I'm supposed to just think she's a rocker but it kinda seems like she'll listen to just about anything. I think in 2018 liking Motorhead and The Smiths (who are used ad nauseum in this movie) is perfectly common, but I feel like in the 80s that was a much different and much older attitude to take.

Anyway Charlie's poor family lives in a super fucking nice house and are poor because the dialogue keeps insisting they are so it must be true despite all the shit they have that actually poor people would sell blood and teeth to attain, but hell, this is Hollywood and Hollywood poor is like regular people upper middle class. Charlies family is so poor that instead of giving her a one time graduation/birthday present to buy a part for a car she already has, they just give her a moped, She also spends all her time at a pull apart where the manager (who might be her uncle that wasn't super clear) is willing to just give her a Volkswagen so I don't understand why she didn't already have the project car up and running. Whatever, it's a plot contrivance. All you need to know is that Charlie is tenacious and hard around the edges cuz her dad is dead and she's not yet mature enough to process that in a healthy way. Maybe her character arch will teach her to let others in, we'll have to find out.

There's also a wacky nerd named Memo, and some bad guys, and John Cena. They are all also pretty archetypal and contrived and don't really do anything of note that isn't just filling a beat that this kind of movie needs to walk. Charlie starts Bumblebee up, discovers he's a robot and the two begin to bond. Charlie learns to make a friend, and bumblebee is learning about himself. They get into hijinks and get revenge on a bully girl who makes Regina George look like a saint, she pretty much only picks on Charlie exclusively for having a dead dad.

The moment Bumblebee is woken back up, some technology goof em up that both he and Charlie are unaware of brings two Decepticon baddies into the picture. I don't remember their names, but since I love The Venture Brothers let's say they can be "Jet Boy and Jet Girl". Jet Boy and Jet Girl are sometimes cars, sometimes various flying military vehicles, and they make friends with the deep state and plan to get all the adrenochrome from all the orphans, or just to go find Bumblebee and beat his ass good cuz their bad guys. Let me tell y'all though, Jet Boy and Jet Girl are so bad that they don't even care that the government is listening when they reveal that they are planning on bringing a Decepticon Invasion and after they rough up Bumblebee real good they are going to destroy all life on this planet. So they start by killing a military scientist.

John Cena is after Bumblebee and he's homies with Jet Boy and Jet Girl until the military scientist butt dials him and he hears the evil plan. John Cena goes from heel to face and helps Bumblebee and Charlie save the day. It's a giant CG clusterfuck climax a la any superhero film in the last 10 years and I basically stopped watching. BumbleBee pulls a Hellraiser on Jet Boy, and then he hits Jet Girl with a freaking boat. Charlie uses her diving skills do dive down and save him, but he's a Giant Robot and he was okay and it was literally pointless for her to to except as a way to show that her character has completed her arch by doing the thing that was representative of her connection with her lost father.

Bumblebee turns into the Camaro from the first movie, meets up with Optimus prime, and the stage is set for this prequel to squeeze more prequels out. So it wasn't very creative, but was it bad? Let's find out.

Please Stand to receive the Benediction.

Best Aspect: Transform the Franchise

Bumblebee was directed by Travis Knight of Laika fame and it shows. This movie marks a stylistic change in the transformers franchise, as in it doesn't look like utter dog shit, but it also represents in many ways a tonal shift. It does hold on to a lot of gross sleaze that has unfortunately been forcibly jammed into the DNA of the franchise but it also attempts to be a more heartfelt entry. The characters of Bumblebee might all be sort of a waste of time, but at least they are doing something with emotions, even if the emotions of the characters are only explored as deeply as a children's cartoon I'm glad they are there. In the previous installments the only thing the characters did between running from action piece to seizure inducing action piece was drool over underage girls like a bunch of chimpanzees at the facility where they test experimental E.D. meds. It was nice to see that at least somewhat tampered. This transformers movie feels more like it's for kids and young teenagers, and strangely that more friendly tone makes for a much less juvenile product.

Worst Aspect: Remember I Love the 80s from the 2000s

I hope you really like Stranger Things. I do, but because Stranger Things was so successful it' s going to be everywhere. Not true Stranger Things just 80s nostalgia porn. This 80s nostalgia is going to be forced on you whether you like it or not, and it's not going to be fun. It's gonna be in your shows, in your music, in your Sunday like Bacon in 2010. It's that or Marvel Franchise Brand Whedonisms. Bumblebee is that brave movie that says, "Why not both?" It would seem fitting that a property as quintessentially 80s as Transformers should feel completely comfortable doing a period piece set in the 80's but it's so fucking half hearted it's depressing. It wasn't done to appreciate the roots of the IP, it was done to cash in on a trend and it feels it. All they did was throw up a date and insufferably force an 80s soundtrack down your throat as if that was enough to convince you that this movie needed to be set during this time. Other than that you could have told me this film was set in 2007 and I couldn't tell you any different.

Best Character: Charlie's an Angel

I liked Charlie. Sure her Arc is predictable, her taste is dumb, and she isn't exactly a master of her own destiny to any degree. But at least she is a woman in a transformers movie who's got something going on. Sure she's defined entirely by grief, but that sure is better than pretending that being able to work on cars is a feminist character trait instead of a weird fetish thing. They certainly do that thing with Charlie, but at least it's not the only thing they throw at the wall. Bumblebee is by no means out of the woods in this department, but it garners a lot of goodwill for trying. Like a racist uncle who just started his journey out of ignorance, but hasn't yet realized he has to stop asking mortifying questions to the barista at Starbucks. Okay, maybe that's an extreme metaphor. I'm saying that perhaps Charlie is not a great character but she's a great character for a Transfomers movie.

Worst Character: It's JOOOOHHHNNNN CEEEENA!!!!

Why is John Cena in this movie? I don't hate the guy, but his character seems pointless. You could remove him from the movie completely and replace him with any one of the random military goons at any point and it changes nothing. What was with that dumb salute at the end? It seems like they put him in this movie in post and it was just to pump up cast list. I wish he was given anything to work with. I can't remember his characters name, and it's not like John Cena did a bad job, I was just annoyed every time they kept giving him hero shots. I felt like I was watching a trailer for a different movie.

Best Actor: Optimal Primo!

Every time Peter Cullen speaks I want to listen. There's a reason they haven't had Chris Pratt or somebody with a bigger name come in and take over the role at this point. He's why the audience keep coming back. Peter Cullen IS Optimus Prime, and there's no changing that. He also wins twice. He's the best actor in the movie AND he's barely in the movie. Good call Peter.

Worst Actor: Mean Girls 2, Meaner and Girlier

I don't want to be cruel so I'm not going to go into to much detail, but there's an actress in this film who's performance is so mustache twirlingly evil and stupid that it ruined my suspension of disbelief when i knew going in that i was about to endure a 2 hour toy commercial about robots that turn into cars. Beldar Conehead was a more convincing human being than Tina.

Best Effect: Goo Be Gone

I really appreciated when the bad guys shot the government nerd into a blast of snot. That was pretty fun for me. Best part of the movie hands down.

Worst Effect: Live Action?

Bumblebee is a cartoon. It's a great looking cartoon but it doesn't sell itself that way. If we were doing a Roger Rabbit thing I'd have no gripes. However, I think CG is just getting worse. I'm criticizing this and it's still lightyears better than the previous entry's on the franchise. No transformation or fight sequence in Bumble Bee had me straining to make sense of what I was looking at. I think it was a great idea to start using some basic shapes and outlines to these characters, and return somewhat to their 80s designs. But at certain points, especially when there were no humans in the shot, i was pretty convinced I was watching Clone Wars. There may not be anyway around this, as the Transformers concept might not be able to be pulled off in any more effective manner. It's a minor gripe, but I just didn't think it looked like anything other than a very expensive cartoon, and in this franchise that's a compliment, because it least it looked like SOMETHING!

Best Scene: Space Opera

I am not a Transformers fan. I missed the boat on the cartoon as a kid. I would sometimes catch it at friends houses but I was more into Batman, Star Wars, and Ninja Turtles. By the time I came onto the scene the world had moved on to Beast Wars. I did one day arbitrarily decide that my favorite Transformer was Sound Wave. He looked great in this. I am a big fan of the return to form with a lot of the character designs in this. They really did keep the things that worked from the other adaptations, and they are steadily removing the things that didn't. For this reason, the scenes on Cybertron, particularly the battle with Soundwave (i prefer for personal reasons) looked great and were exciting to watch. I remember thinking Cybertron used to look like a Marilyn Manson shot a music video from inside to dumpster. This is so much better.

Worst Scene: Blocking the Box

There's a scene in Bumblebee where Charlie's family decides the best way to save their daughter was to cause a pile up of vehicles in an intersection, and it's pure contrived writing that saved any character in that sequence from being killed in a horrific traffic accident. It was stupid, played for laughs, and it wasn't exciting as much as it was anxiety inducing. I also thought that there was no reason the covert military group covering up extraterrestrial life wouldn't just disappear this family of fucking morons in their little piece of shit car. The logic of the scene was just so childish like, "No they won't hit me, I'm a good person."

Summary

Bumblebee may be remembered fondly in a decade. I think especially if the Transformers franchise were to end here. It didn't get the publicity of the other films, and that really is a shame. For my money, this was the best Transformers movie so far. I was very tempted to give Bumblebee a C, it does just enough to right what was wrong from the other movies to make me appreciate all that work. This movie has heart, and if you are at all into Transformers then l think you should see it. It's still pretty stupid, and pretty basic. It's not offering anything new to the genre, and it feels like a commercial for more movies. I really wish we could just get movies that want to tell a story. I thought it over and decided that it wasn't fair not to grade Bumblebee on it's own merits. Bumblebee is substantially better than the films that preceded it, but that's not saying a lot, when the films that preceded it are joyless exercises in self abuse.

Overall Grade: D