#the only disappointing thing is that they have buzz cuts imo

[dr-jem-nutcase]

MvA: The M Files, take-a-peek, pt. 5

Chapter 6:

Dr C's origin story video was a 20-second one-take recording of his accident, so there's little to no room for any deviation from the movie. Still, may this NOT disappoint

Gotta love alliterations but carnage means "widespread murder". And I don't think this sort of kids' book would be willing to show a bloodbath

I just realized, where are the stairs leading to those massive doors?

A pin-up in the audience, wth? Even the guy to her left is saying the same thing

Genetic teleportation device. Makes sense cuz teleportation was the topic of scientific research & experimentation in both Fly movies but this time the bug mutation is intentional. The video game only talks about the genetic part: recombinant DNA (fact: this term wasn't coined until the 70s, so Dr C was ahead of his time). Thanks, M Files, for a better elaboration beyond just a scientific machine

Is it just me or have the illustrators eventually said, "heck with it! let's just get this done & over with!" and got lazy? Taking a look at the last two chapters/the last post, I'm beginning to wonder

Ok, we get a better visual of Dr C's hairstyle. I put this pic in a grayscale filter and his hair in the movie was definitely darker than this ash brown-blond color (I like to think it's dark brown)

That shirt & tie. So much for that turtleneck. But from what I've gathered, the illustrators for a number of kids' books about the movie were given art references (besides the concept art) from DW months before the movie came out. Dr C's swap from the tie to the turtleneck didn't happen until later in the making of the movie; pretty much all the concept art of him show a shirt & tie. I don't know about you but I wanna see that reference art, every piece of it! As a fan of this glorious franchise, may my prayers be answered!

Whozits. Lol

Srsly? Portable phones, or phones that didn't require a cord, were a thing of dreams in the 60s. And what kind of haircut are you guaranteed? A trim? A buzz cut? And chocolate tastes AWFUL after you brush your teeth, and the average adult doesn't drink hot chocolate on a regular basis. It's coffee, if anything. Or even more realistic in the early 60s: a phone that lights a cigarette. You ever watch mid-century period dramas like Mad Men or Call The Midwife? Every other person smoked back then--anytime, anywhere! But this is a kids' book, again. Smoking/tobacco use is nowadays a reason for something not to be rated G. Istg, my inner historian has been doubled over & screaming in pain since this chapter began! Ok, enough whining

The fat guy's constant *ahem* cracks me up tho

Was this presentations of scientific discoveries or a glorified science fair? Dr C had discovery in mind while the fat guy had fair in mind. Imo, that genetic teleportation device was way more practical than a phone with hygiene & hot chocolate powers, not just super scientific

Unsurprisingly, Doc had his own fanbase on a university campus

Say "they called me crazy but I'll show them" without saying "they called me crazy but I'll show them"

Ok, is it just me or did the color pallet change on this page?

Didn't think that the machine was red. Also, the shirt is now black

"Whoops! I made a mistake!" "Just keep going, Jim. We've got a deadline."

So, he's just going with it without actually testing it on something else? That IS mad

I wish we saw more of his face in this instead of the back of his head

Dr C foretold Neil Armstrong's famous landing-on-the-moon quote

O...m...g. You can tell the illustrators had the hardest (or laziest) time with this chapter. I can barely look

A PhD in dance, mind you. A PhD in anything doesn't make you a faultless god

Oh! And go back inside if you want peace & quiet. And if you must, lock the door

Now both the tie and shirt is a different color

Reclining in the trash can, lol

I'm honestly the university campus hasn't been entirely vacated at this point

Welp, if climate change doesn't work, we know where to go...wait this was the 60s. Never mind

So, you've got a washing machine, an oil barrel, two tires, a traffic cone, maybe a bike chain and...what else?

That day, the middle of September 1962, a distinguishable sound that would haunt a secret prison facility for generations to come was born. This lines up with my h/c that being partially human mentally on top of the trauma of the accident brought on some amount of insanity

That tie must be magic. It changed colors again

Omg! Just call that slipper out for what it is!

"Hey, Jim? What's that shoe thing people wear in the morning?" "I forget. In this panel, it's in a junkyard, so just call it an 'ugh'."

In the movie... "Ooh! An old ugh...I mean, slipper!"

That is one heck of a net for that tiny fishing pole

The antennae sticking out of the net

Ooh, Monger's a major now, but how'd he know about Dr C?

But srsly. Is this chapter perfect? No. But I like it for giving "human" Dr C a bit more time than just a 10-second camera footage of a hottie in a lab coat getting into a giant cylinder. I don't know about anyone else, but it gives me more of a comprehension that Dr C's a human being with a cockroach head and tendencies, not just a strange anthropomorphic bug person

Epilogue

The End! Oh, wait!

So the jetpack has a flamethrower? Hot dang...literally

Link lifting a weight with his tail, lol

Blue-eyed Dr C with a gold tie pulling out...what is that? A bra? The illustrators must hate his guts

Poor private Grime. And what are the monsters supposed to do with potatoes? I think B.O.B. & maybe Insecto are the only ones who would eat potatoes, and Dr C might try potato battery experiments. But why so many? Did Monger stop by local gleaners or a food bank/pantry? Was this a donation of charity? Did he accidentally go over the top with potato crops at his farm? I don't get it! But quoting Samwise Gamgee, "Po-Tay-Toes! Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew!" There's probably a thousand and one things you could make with potatoes. Like vodka--oh, wait! Kids' book

Grime must've been like one soldier online who said he could cook minute-rice in 58 seconds. Still, I feel bad for the guy. Do you know how hard peeling potatoes can be on your hands after a while? Ow, ow, owie...

Overall, not a bad book. Disappointing every now and then, but hey! Kids' book. It was kinda expected. The watered-down, non-violent breakaways from the movie had its ups and downs. Like providing some explanation of details of the origin stories in the movie, like why the tomato and dessert topping. Or the idea that luring a monster into a trap is the ultimate way to capture one, MUCH more scaled out and less violent than fighting them until you get the upper hand and force them into submission and/or tranquilizing them, like tranquilizing Susan and then tying her down when she became too drowsy to fight and eventually consciousness in the movie instead of luring her into a trap (like, how would you lure a confused, scared 50-foot bride into a trap when all she can think of was her fiance's safety and why people were wrapping a rope around her arm?). If you thought this book was a disappointment through and through, I read the graphic novelization, and it is a bigger disappointment than anything in this book. More watered down, the illustration was terrible, and some of the rewritten scenes didn't add up with the events of the movie, like wth. I think I threw it out

I hope you enjoyed this take-a-peek series as much as I did. And maybe I can share the second half of the entire book, a story called Brain Pain, a silly entertaining story about the four monsters (BOB, Dr C, Link, & Insecto) in the facility some time before Susan showed up. Maybe :)

Again, none of this belongs to me, as much as I wish it did

[calumhoodgoss]

AHHHHH I’m so happy you’re back girl!!! I missed you 😘

Mullet Cal being back wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card but I’m a sucker for a good mullet so I’m fully thriving. Honestly my favourite Cal hairstyle? (Other than blue buzzcut 🥵 and blonde buzzcut 🥵) also side note buzzcut Luke… wasn’t expecting it but he looks so fucking hot. It’s so unfair that he looks that good with any haircut.

Onto FOF, I’m also Australian so the politics over there have always baffled me. I really have no clue either. So if any other anons wanna clarify that would be great, but I’m pretty sure Albo is in full support of Israel too, which obviously sucks and it’s only getting worse with more of the Middle East being invaded. But I’m hoping people are donating if they can and educating themselves.

Also another small side note, been hearing rumblings that the self-titled merch is running small. So that’s fun. Mine finally shipped a month after the estimated shipping date so if it gets here and I can’t even wear it, I’m going to be so upset 😭

To fully shift gears once again, with the confirmation from the amh’s video (even though we been knew for MONTHS) break up music is definitely on the way. I’m actually so excited for it, like the last time I went through a break up the same time as one of the boys was like 2017/18 so I’m looking for a song to cry to the way I cried to Lie to Me and Ghost of You. Although, its most definitely at least a year away so whether or not I actually relate then will be interesting 🤔

Missed you girlie!!

- ⚡️ Lighter anon ⚡️ xx 😘

hiiiii girl!!!

ok mullet cal is 100% my favourite; cal however, the fact we're both Australian and havw an affinity for mullets cant be overlooked 😂 i think it might be bread into us hahaha

bitch what i wouldnt give to see that man with a dusty cut 🥵🥵🥵🥵 (ferral footy trash haircut i know but it DOES THINGS TO ME and i don't even follow footy)

buzz cut luke is also a SOLID 10. i love a ratbag haircut can you tell lollll

i dont mean to skip over the political aspect of this but i dont entirely remember the context of the last post im so sorry. but aslo im absolutely not shocked albo is pro Israel. i have no faith in any leadership, its so disappointing to be from a country with such flimsy leaders with such little spine

the way luke just confirmed the next 5sos album when im answering this (not like we didnt know but still)!!! oh itd BETTER be riddled with breakup music cause im ready to cry 😈

sad fact, this year was the first year without 5sos on my spotify wrapped. but if we get a new album next year you just know theyll be up there again hehe. luke was my 5th artist though so it still kinda counts imo 🤫

how are you girl?? i hope youve been well! tell me your spotify wrapped if you want, i love hearing them!

[rapuvdayear]

2000: “Ghetto Qu’ran (Forgive Me)” 50 Cent (Trackmaster Ent./Columbia)

It’s been over a year since I teased the idea of doing a post about my favorite 50 Cent tracks, so I guess now is as good a time as ever to get around to it! 

With the exception of maybe Kanye, I can’t think of another rapper with more raw talent whose career has been more disappointing. Obviously both Ye and Fiddy have been monstrously successful, but IMO they either burned brightly before descending into white supremacy apologia (Kanye) or never achieved their best possible trajectory (50). It’s not an accident to put them together in this way, either; just 12 years ago next month they faced off in what turned out to be a very underwhelming battle over whose album would sell better (this was back when album sales, not streaming numbers, still meant something). In many ways, it was a crossroads for each artist: Kanye dropped what I believe was his magnum opus, then followed it up with his fourth-best album, third-best album, and second-best album, before dropping off a cliff, while 50′s release basically removed him from the conversation about who was relevant in rap (“My Gun Go Off” and “I Get Money” are honorable mentions for the list below, but otherwise Curtis is entirely forgettable). 

These days, 50 has gone the Ice Cube route and is probably more recognizable as an actor than as a rapper. So, it’s hard to remember that once upon a time he was the savior of gangsta rap and (co-)author of one of the 25 greatest albums of all time. He beat the odds to survive a shooting, link up with the two heaviest hitters (at the time) in the rap game, and even be included on some GOAT lists. He also essentially established the “flood the streets with mixtapes before your album drops” strategy of self-promotion that Gucci, Weezy, and even Drake would follow in the days before Soundcloud was the go-to resource for building a rep. He singlehandedly destroyed a rival’s career, launched a clothing line, video game, and music label, and made a halfway-decent biopic. And then... he just sort of petered out. 

But! 50 is also responsible for some of my all-time favorite raps, which is why it’s so frustrating to me that he never lived up to the buzz surrounding him back in 2003. These are my five favorites, listed chronologically, with some commentary:

1) “Ghetto Qu’ran (Forgive Me)” (2000) Before the G-Unit days and before Eminem and Dre helped launch him to superstardom, Curtis Jackson was an up and coming rapper from Queens who had attracted the attention of another rap legend, Run-DMC’s Jam Master Jay. A mutual friend introduced 19 year-old 50 to Jay back in 1996, and the veteran producer/DJ gave him a crash course in how to write songs and signed him to his fledgling label. The business relationship didn’t work out, but it helped lead 50 to Columbia Records’ Trackmasters imprint where he recorded Power of the Dollar in 1999. However, this debut album would never see the light of day after 50 was shot nine times while sitting in a friend’s car and subsequently dropped by Columbia. In the wake of the shooting--and then later, after 50 blew the fuck up in 2003--it became a sort of “lost cult classic” among rap fans. “How To Rob” got the most attention at the time, a funny-yet-vicious song demonstrating 50′s hunger through fantasies about sticking up famous rappers and R&B stars (the song was also clearly an homage to Biggie’s unreleased “Dreams,” and provoked an oblique diss from Ghostface). But “Ghetto Qu’ran” has had a more lasting impact, primarily because of how it was rumored to be the source of 50′s shooting, Jam Master Jay’s murder, and the Ja Rule/Murder Inc. beef. While all of that intrigue is important to rap lore, it distracts from the fact that it’s a near perfect rap song from a technical perspective: a catchy hook, a fantastic beat and sample, an effortless flow, and a well-crafted story that is equal parts celebration of the Queens underworld and subtle shots at street legends. Seriously, this is akin to what traveling bards used to do in medieval Europe, what poets in Ancient Greece wrote, what west African griots did/do, and what narcocorrido artists do now. If you want to learn about the Supreme Team, Pappy Mason, the Corley Family, and the Rich Porter/Alpo crew in Harlem, then this is a good place to start; as 50 puts it, “consider this the first chapter of the ghetto’s Qu’ran.” The secondary title to this track--“Forgive Me”--has a double meaning now. It was initially a plea to forgive 50 for the pain he caused in his criminal life but in retrospect an appeal to the figures whose names he drops. Also, it’s interesting to listen to this first and then compare 50′s voice with the next four tracks: this was recorded before the shooting, which left a bullet fragment lodged in his tongue that affected his speech and gave him his now-distinctive flow.    

2) “Heat” (2003) There are several standouts on Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (“Many Men,” “Back Down,” “What Up Gangsta,” “Patiently Waiting,” and “Poor Lil’ Rich” spring to mind, and I will always love “21 Questions” for the “I love you like a fat kid loves cake” line alone) but this one has always been my fave. It’s a perfect distillation of the image that 50 was trying to project when he burst onto the scene: a hood-hardened gangster who wouldn’t hesitate to do his enemies harm. And given his recent history, you could believe him, too! There’s really nothing about this song that should be praised in any way, but I’ve been thinking about the gravity of the following line a lot in the past month or so: “The summertime is a killing season/ It’s hot out this bitch, that’s a good enough reason.” Also, 50′s boast “the DA can play this motherfucking tape in court” *has* to be one of the inspirations behind this great Key & Peele sketch, right? 

3) “A Baltimore Love Thing” (2005) The Massacre was incredibly disappointing on the whole. I can remember clearly sitting around with my friends in a dorm room at the Shoreland listening to it all the way through the day that it dropped, wanting to love it but slowly realizing that it wasn’t going to live up to our expectations. “Ski Mask Way” could be an honorable mention on this list, and “Piggy Bank” is kind of funny, but otherwise it’s a steaming pile of shit. “Baltimore Love Thing,” though, is a masterpiece. It’s incredibly dark, rapped from the perspective of heroin itself (sort of like what Nas’s “I Gave You Power” does for guns) in order to detail the destruction that addiction--and, by extension, drug trafficking--leaves in its wake. Even more fucked up, 50-as-heroin voices an abusive partner addressing a woman, threatening her should she ever try to leave him. For my money, “You broke my heart, you dirty bitch, I won’t forget what you did/ If you give birth, I’ll already be in love with your kids” is one of the coldest lines in the annals of rap, full stop. In the second verse, he switches to the flip side of an abuser’s mindset: “I never steer you wrong, if you hyper I make you calm/ I’ll be your incentive, your reason for you to move forward.” All in all, it’s a great concept song that shows off 50′s range as a rapper... and is a testament to what he could have been.

4) “Hustler’s Ambition” (2005) Goddamn, I fucking love everything about this song! The beat is fantastic (great sample, btw), prefiguring the sound on a future great mixtape from the G-Unit crew. 50′s flow here is flawless, arguably the best, smoothest he’s ever been. This was basically the “theme” for 2005′s Get Rich or Die Tryin’ film, and tells the story of his come up in the drug game (or, at least, 50′s version of his carefully constructed hagiography). The lyrics are the true gems here, so I’ll just let a few of the standouts speak for themselves:

“Check my logic: fiends don’t like seeds in they weed, shit/ Send me them seeds, I’ll grow ‘em what they need”

“I sell anything, I’m a hustler, I know how to grind/ Step on grapes, put it in water, and tell you it’s wine”

“I made plans to make it, a prisoner of the state/ Now I can invite your ass out to my estate”

“Pour Cristal in the blender, make a protein shake”

and finally

“The feds watch me, icy, they can’t stop me/ Racists pointing at me, ‘Look at *****race’: Hello!”   

5) “Ghetto Like A Motherfucker” (2011) I remember first encountering this track on a Tumblr compilation (I think?) called Don’t Fuck This Up, Curtis! and allowing myself to get excited that the old 50 was back! As the compilation’s name implies, around that time 50 had been releasing a string of online-only singles that were better than anything he’d put out in five or so years, and so there was some hope that he’d soon be making a triumphant return to the rap game. Sadly, this was not to be. But I still bang this track every month or so. The idea here was that 50 had written something, set it to a very sparse, stripped-down beat, and posted it online as an invitation for DIY rap producers to play with it and layer their own compositions on top of it. In that sense, it represented a melange of rap’s earliest roots--dudes spitting over vinyl cuts in basements and parks, just fucking around and having fun--and the possibilities afforded by the digital age and rap’s embrace of online platforms for mixing and remixing material (on a side note, I like to think of this as part of 21st century rap’s “punk rock” aesthetic, and would argue that this genre has done it better than any other). As with “Hustler’s Ambition,” “Baltimore Love Thing,” and “Ghetto Qu’ran,” this track gives 50 a chance to really showcase his talents as a writer and a rapper. The lyrics are as grimy as the beat, painting a picture of urban poverty and pre-fame 50, and 50 switches up his flow at multiple points throughout. Here are some of my favorite lines:

“Slim chance I’ma go back to killing roaches/ Be quiet, you can hear the rats in the wall/ Make you wanna pump crack ‘til you stack racks”

“Dice game, shake ‘em up, praying’ for a 6/ The wolves out there hungry, they lookin’ for a lick”

“****** pissed on the staircase, in the elevator/ Now I’m pissed cuz I’m starting to smell like piss, player”

and

“All a ***** need is a block and a connect/ And a box of 9 MMs to load in the TEC.”

50′s last two studio albums--Before I Self Destruct and Animal Ambition--honestly weren’t half-bad; I would venture so far as to say that they were both better than The Massacre and Curtis. But for 50 it was too little, too late, really. Too many rappers had come along since then doing what he did, only better and fresher. This is a Migos world now; we’re just living in it. And so, I’m left to ponder what could have been. 

[evenstevensranked]

#22: Season 3, Episode 17 - “Snow Job”

In order to get out of an Algebra midterm, Louis fakes a snow day outside of Principal Wexler's house and gets himself suspended from school. Meanwhile, Ren has one week to master Pole Vaulting after accidentally injuring LJH’s best athlete. Phyllis Diller guest stars!

This one opens with the gang in Mr. Lopez’s algebra class. We’ve never seen or heard of Mr. Lopez before, but he seems pretty cool imo. Like one of those teachers who genuinely cares about his students. I really like his character. This first scene is a montage of Twitty, Tawny and Louis up at the board. Twitty and Tawny are solving their equations at the speed of light, whereas Louis is constantly getting tripped up. I’m already relating to Louis so bad. When it’s time for them to share their answers, Twitty and Tawny seem like Einstein’s spawn in comparison to Louis, who drew a map of Utah:

Louis attempts to explain how he worked out the equation, but obviously.. he has no idea. He glances at the clock and sees there’s only, like.. 30 seconds until the bell rings. So he stalls in the most glorious way possible: “I got 2x + 7x to the 5th times Y........ to which I say.... why not? Why do fools fall in love? These are all very big questions.” I love this quote so much. Of course, the bell rings and he successfully dodges answering. 

Mr. Lopez knows that Louis is struggling and really wants him to ask for help on his own. He subtly extends that invitation by asking if anyone has any questions because “the only stupid questions are the ones you ask yourself on the bus ride home” -- Which is incredibly true and another quote I really like. Louis seems as if he’s genuinely gonna ask a question but then says “...If a chicken had lips, could it whistle? I’ll ask myself on the bus ride home.” -- It’s funny, but also really really upsetting. Mr. Lopez is super disappointed and so am I. There’s also this girl in the classroom who really hates Louis or something. She dramatically shakes her head all annoyed and complains to the kid behind her whenever Louis says anything. It’s actually a little distracting, lol. Keep an eye out for her next time you watch this episode.

The disappointment is palpable. 

Then it cuts to the subplot where Ren is interviewing some of LJH’s athletes for the Wombat Report. Including some girl Olga who’s “the best 9th grade pole vaulter in Sacramento” -- Which confirms that Lawrence Jr. High goes up to 9th grade!! I think that’s the only time in the entire series they actually say the words “ninth grade”! Ren also calls the upcoming competition they’re preparing for “the big meet.” I’m sure Louis would object to this. 

Ren interviews the fantastic Artie Ryan, who makes an appearance as a shot putter lol. He’s apathetic and deadpan as usual (”Buzz off, I’m training.”) which is great. Ren gets the bright idea to try heaving the ball herself... and breaks Olga’s foot. Ouch. Phyllis Diller makes her brilliant cameo as Coach Corns here! Something that always annoyed me is that IMDb lists the character’s last name as “Korns” but the inscription on her jacket is “Corns” lol. I’m assuming the jacket is the legit spelling. I also saw on Twitter a while ago that Phyllis’ cameo happened because Jim Wise was absent and working at MADTV at the time. Anyway, Ren decides to fill in for Olga at the competition even though she has no idea how to pole vault. Coach Corns is skeptical but says “if you’re anything like your brother Donnie, maybe you can learn by Friday!” Donnie is seriously the be-all end-all in the Even Stevens-verse. 

We get few scattered scenes throughout the episode of Ren practicing pole vaulting over and over again, failing at making it over the bar every time. Including one where “Coach Corns” demonstrates how it’s done, which is hilarious and obviously a stunt double of course. 

Much like last week’s episode, they put zero effort into trying to avoid showing the face of the stunt double lol. It honestly makes it funnier. 

After countless failed attempts, Artie walks over and says “You know that you’re supposed to go over the bar, right?” And Ren bites back sarcastically “Really, Artie?! Thanks for that helpful hint.” I can’t help but laugh every time. Ren insists she’ll be ready for competition and Artie mumbles to himself “Yeah, and I’ll be the king of Norway.” It’s so good. 

Louis’ plot continues with this scene, which I love:

It’s not included in this set, but in between the second and third photos Twitty says “And like, she was not a very good babysitter...” LOL. Yeah, I doubt she’d have stellar reviews on Care.com today. 

Twitty and Tawny go on to talk about how Mr. Lopez’s class is so fun and he makes learning algebra so easy and they’re totally gonna ace the midterm!! YAY! ....You just know Louis is feeling like an outsider right about now. Tawny tries to set up a study session, but Louis bails to work incredibly hard on a way to not take the test. We’ve been over this before. If Louis spent a fraction of the amount of time and effort he spends on avoiding schoolwork, he would be an honors student. It’s ridiculous because half of the inventions he comes up with must involve some serious math skills! He’s putting in the work where it doesn’t count lol. And he really goes to extremes this time. He gets Beans to help him with this super elaborate prank to fake a snow day... in Sacramento California... outside of Principal Wexler’s house. He even did that thing where you can override a vacant radio station and recited a whole fake news story on the historic “blizzard.” The craziest part about this, is that he was 99% successful! Wexler totally bought that the storm was legit. And I don’t blame him:

Imagine not wanting to take a midterm that bad. 

There’s some great miscommunication here when Wexler calls LJH to cancel school. The secretary is all “may I ask why?” lol. Seriously. Gotta love miscommunication. Louis almost sorta gets away with everything, until Ren jogs by the house and starts yelling at him and Wexler hears it through the radio. I never used to understand why Ren was out jogging though? It always felt like a biiiit of a forced plot device to me. I used to think “She’d already be at school or at home getting ready!” ...but today, I just realized -- she’s preparing for pole vaulting. Oh my god. I’m such an idiot. It’s funny because I thought I was catching onto some bad writing.. but no. Even Stevens is actually that good. 

This “snow scam” leads to Principal Wexler suspending Louis from school. I love how it’s only a one week suspension, yet Wexler acts like Louis is leaving forever and has his locker cleaned out as if it’s a gateway to The Upside Down: 

Eileen takes off work to homeschool Louis for the week, which is really nice to see. We get a montage of them covering just about every subject and Louis is breezing through the day with flying colors! They even did Theater, where Louis played both Romeo and Juliet. The one-man show costume is a sight to behold:

“It’s very constraining and I’d like to change now.”

Everything’s going well until Eileen drops the bomb “Okay! We’ve covered everything but Algebra!” and the dramatic, dark orchestra kicks in. Louis tries to get out it, but Eileen’s not letting him off the hook. She writes out an equation on the board and leaves him alone for awhile to complete it. When she returns, he’s asleep:

I RELATE TO THIS MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW. Louis is literally falling asleep during homework to avoid doing it. I did this so many times throughout my academic career and I doubt I’m the only one. It was always with math, too! It was so overwhelming for my little brain... I’d just drift off to sleep and think “Well, if I fall asleep... that’s an excuse for not finishing it!” lol. And I bet you anything that was Louis’ thought process as well. Eileen gives Louis an ultimatum (finish his homework or be grounded for the weekend) to motivate him to finish the equation, so he attempts to do it and pretty much pulls an answer out of his butt. I did this all the time. You sort of convince yourself that you got it right, even though deep down you know it’s totally wrong. “You got it, baby!!” Louis compliments himself. And right about then, Ren enters the room and verbalizes what Louis most likely already knows: “You got it totally wrong, Louis.” This leads to a really nice brother/sister moment. 

Ren wants to know why he put so much effort into skipping one day of school, and he confesses that it’s because he doesn’t understand Algebra. “I’ll try to understand it, but I can’t. I’m the only kid in the class who doesn’t know what’s going on.” I’ve said those exact sentences a million times growing up. This whole scene is honestly so heart-wrenching imo. It further develops Louis’ character and adds to his endearingness. (Don’t even know if that’s a word, but I’m using it.) Ren can’t understand why he doesn’t just go to Mr. Lopez for help. “What’s the worst that could happen?” she asks, and Louis imagines a life of ridicule: 

This is too real. You really do feel like you’ll be a total idiot if you ask for help during class. Even though the chances of your teacher and principal publicly mocking you are zero... you still feel like everyone will be secretly judging you. 

I just can’t stress enough how much I relate to Louis here. His attitude towards struggling with academics is exactly how I felt. Like, no matter how hard you try... You're still the dumbest kid in class. He snaps out of his daydream and tells her “No, I can’t do it. People are gonna think I’m stupid.” And Ren says “Stupid? You may do some really stupid things sometimes but that doesn’t mean that YOU are stupid.” THIS IS SO FREAKING NICE I WANNA CRY LOL. She then empathizes with him by sharing her struggle with pole vaulting. It’s sweet. 

When Louis returns to school, he’s determined to pay extra attention in Algebra class and really focus. But the second Mr. Lopez starts explaining, all Louis can hear is “blah, blah, blah... blah, blah..... blah, blah, blah.................. blah.” It’s hilarious because it’s TRUE. Mr. Lopez opens up the floor for any questions, and I swear to god. I get so emotional every time here. Louis raises his hand and takes a few seconds to muster up the confidence to say “I don’t understand.” .....*sheds a single tear.* Mr. Lopez says to catch up with him after school and Louis is so proud of himself for asking. Ahhhhhh!

Look at dat content face. Awww. Shia’s so great. 

After school, Mr. Lopez explains that there’s usually a gap in the knowledge somewhere when it comes to struggling with Math. This is very accurate. I’ve learned that missing just one little building block of information (with anything in life) can mess you up entirely. So we get a montage of them working for what seems like hours on the basics (1 + 1 = 2) all the way through to Algebra and Louis does soooo well. It’s one of the sweetest, most self-reflecting moments in the series. Louis takes a look at all of the equations he successfully completed and mutters “Good job, Buddy” to himself and I just wanna weep. On top of that.. Mr. Lopez is super nice, calling Louis a genius and such. I just love it. It’s kinda funny how they tried to make the scene look all trippy like the equations were floating all around him just by writing on glass with a marker though, haha: 

I also have to gif this because it reminds me of the confused math lady meme:

Seriously, can we make “Shia LaBeouf doing Algebra” a thing? Even Stevens is ripe with memes that never see the light of day. 

Meanwhile, Ren is at the pole vaulting competition and, well... failing miserably. Just then Louis, Eileen and Steve show up and start running next to her during her very last try. Louis is gushing about being able to do Algebra and Eileen and Steve are just cheering her on haha. Louis shouts the advice “You might wanna put the stick thingy in the ground, Ren!” and then she miraculously makes it over the bar. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THIS??? Um, where else could she have been putting it this whole time? And it’s not like that alone would help her get over the bar. 

Clearly, the pole is meant to go in the metal space (”ground”)! You’re telling me she’s been practicing for a week and never put it there?!?! Come on. 

Anyway, everyone celebrates and it’s a happy moment. Coach Corns also snatches her own wig and Louis puts it on: 

Even Stevens was seriously ahead of the meme trend. Wigs were flyin’ on Disney Channel in 2002. 

The episode ends with one of the greatest “last minute” bits ever. Ren made it over the bar... So, Artie Ryan becomes the king of Norway:

“I AM THE KING!” -- This show’s humor is unparalleled. 

And that’s it! This is just an awesome episode. Obviously, I love this Louis plot. It’s seriously so great and one of the most relatable topics ever. (Well, for me at least.) Like I said, I feel like this episode is a really great one for Louis Stevens and his character development. Ren’s plot is pretty similar actually. Both plots work together in a “conceive it, achieve it” sort of way. I just really love it. Mr. Lopez is cool. Phyllis Diller is great. Artie Ryan is the best. It’s just good all around ok. This is definitely one of my personal favorites, but I objectively feel like there are some stronger episodes. So, #22 is where it sits. 

Thanks for reading!

Twitter | Facebook | Instagram

[pleasespellchimerical]

Poetry

ME:A spoilers below the cut

I kinda feel those colonists who, after waking from a 600 year stasis, say they wanna go right back to sleep.

Anyway. Against all odds, my Ryder turned out really fucking cute. I gotta share pics of her later. But I so wish we could customize our twin’s name, and if I’d known we couldn’t, things might’ve turned out differently. Cos now I have Priti Ryder, and her brother, Scott. 

...ok then.

Blah blah, first mission, blah. Nice not to lose one of our actual squad mates. Jump jet is the best. I’m vaguely addicted to scanning shit. I wanna know everything about this new galaxy. Cora and Liam are cute. I don’t really dig Liam’s trigger happy (trigger happy isn’t usually a bad character trait imo, but in a new world where by all means we are the colonizers, I take a dim view of it).

Altho it’s rlly convenient that first contact in Andromeda is with a species that just shoots firsts and doesn’t ask questions later. No messy diplomacy, or even a chance to find out about each other. Just shooty shooty. Even more convenient that they seem to be colonizers as well. 

Things got a lot more fun once we got to the Nexus. ;D

I dig all this political wrangling and crises. These are my fave kind of plots to explore. Everybody’s going to get along in the end if Priti Ryder has anything to say about it.

I am thoroughly in love with Kesh. First Krogan we meet is a badass lady single-handedly holding the station together. Squee’d when I found out that Tiran Kandros is related to my girlfriend Nyreen. The krogan and turians with Andromeda Initiative face markings are SO FUCKING CUTE (the political implications are even cuter--that instead of bringing old politics and baggage, they’re declaring themselves to be of Andromeda first, over anything else). 

Guys. Let’s be real. The only reason I came to Andromeda is to make new friends. That is all that counts. 

Yeah, some of it’s a bit janky. Less the facial animations that bother me, when a lot of the standing and idling positions seem really stilted. When talking to Kandros, I’m pretty sure my eyes look buzzed because he wiggles back and forth all over the screen (maybe he’s just a wiggler. Who knows). I’m slightly disappoint that salarians don’t blink up like they ought to. It’s easy enough to overlook tho.

Playtime: 2 hours