#the only DC I would ever feel compelled to write is scene where they have sex but it’s fucking really bad

[eyesontheskyline]

i’m a bit curious to know what you think about emily leaving for london if hotchniss actually happened in cm. Like idk if this makes sense but i feel like in the last scene of episode 7 we see emily looking at her friends dancing, kind of like being outside looking in, we see everyone dancing/ sureounded by their partners and she is alone. I feel like it was a believable thing that she chose to move. But i cant help but think that if Hotchniss happened and if someone noticed her struggling and actually done something about it, she wouldn’t have to go away to heal. I feel like if she had aaron/ a relationship/ a purpose maybe?!? (not to say that a relationship gives you purpose in life, but i mean it more of like a future), i feel like emily would have stayed. I think that not having a future in her actual life made her look elsewhere, because she could only see the hurt in the place that she once called home. Idk what im trying to say with this, im just delulu and i believe that hotchniss should’ve happened so i guess im just curious to see your take on it

Yeah so this is what I'm building towards with the S7 fic I'm writing (I'm sorry if you're the same anon I keep linking this same fic to lol, it's hard to tell with anons!)

I think she felt like she didn't have a place. Like she didn't feel like she could fit back into her old life, but she also hadn't built anything new. I think a relationship between them could've been a Something New that made staying worth it, despite the pain and discomfort of rebuilding.

I think Emily defaults to running away and starting over when things get messy or difficult. It started with her parents moving her around as a kid, then she did the kind of work where you get pulled out and erase that whole identity... Then quitting when Strauss asked her to spy was what won her Hotch’s trust, then being sent to Paris saved her life, then walking away from Paris to come back to DC... Running and starting over is what she does. She does it again to come back to the BAU in S12, and nearly does it again to protect the team from Barnes in S13. I understand that in the context of writing Paget out, the writers did their best to sell it as necessary for her growth this time, but it wasn't.

Each time we see someone ask her outright to stay, she stays. She wants to know someone is fighting for her the same way she fights for everyone else.

So yeah. I don't think it was ever going to happen in canon because of the limitations of the writers and the format and whatever. But I think you can make a compelling argument (and I plan to loool) in fic that London was not inevitable - she can see that job offer on the table and make the choice to stay in DC, and that can be a healthy choice for her.

[a-student-out-of-time]

Honestly, from chapter 3 and onward it really feels like Linuj started prioritizing shock value over the logistics of what's actually happening. Chapter 6 is the biggest example of that, it was done so much that it doesn't even feel like a coherently storyline, just a collection of scenes being held together by the remnants of what could have been a great story

//I completely agree. Chapter 3 was really where SDRA2 drops the ball hardest, but I feel like Chapter 6 gets overlooked in that regard. I won’t deny that it has good moments, but emphasis on the word moments.

//The whole thing is so dense with exposition, which apparently couldn’t be organically inserted into the story beforehand, and character ultimately suffers as a result. Like, the first time, it’s pretty cool. The second or third time around, it just feels bloated and strung together with narrative floss.

//And yeah, the shock value as well. If there’s one thing I could compare it to, it would be DC’s New 52 Initiative from 2011 (which can barely be called a reboot, but that’s a story for another time), where they tried to relaunch the entire universe, but make it darker and edgier

//And it all fell apart in less than five years. Most of it was a miserable slog, where they retold the same stories, but not nearly as good. Everything was not just darker and edgier, but full of brooding, unnecessary conflict that’s quickly resolved, and nostalgia for the worst aspects of the Dark Age of Comics.

//Because of this misconception that dark stories are inherently more “mature.” I absolutely despise this view for one simple reason: throwing adult elements into your story that you are unprepared to address or explore makes you look childish at best and like a total asshole at worst.

//Dark and mature elements work best when they’re handled carefully, the elements in them are addressed and explored, and they have lasting impact on the characters. You do not, under any circumstance, throw random dark and disturbing content into the story for the sake of having it, and then ignore all of that. You should not do something like that, ever.

//And yet that’s exactly what LINUJ does. It’s like he felt the need to one-up himself in terms of darkness, and then go back and specify that certain characters are just inherently bad people.

//Everything with Kanade and Hibiki, Kokoro in Chapter 0, Nikei going full double-traitor, Teruya deciding to try and emulate Tsurugi, Yuki trying to off himself, not to mention argument after argument after argument. The latter chapters of the game are genuinely unpleasant to go through because of it.

//And most of it doesn’t even amount to anything. It’s just there to be shocking and horrific. If you remember it, that’s the only reason why. This is why I prefer DRA, because the darkness and shocking moments were not only done in more appropriate ways, but actually served a purpose in the story.

//Compelling drama is the product of good and attentive writing, not cheap shock value and dark elements being thrown haphazardly into the story for the sake of having them.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[htmlerror]

☕ + wfa

i do not like wfa with ham, i do not like it, sam i am.

I have a lot of problems with Wayne Family Adventures. The idea for it is solid enough, but the execution is. bad. I've put my thoughts below the cut because this got long, so I hope you don't mind me going in depth on my feelings.

Duke Thomas as a POV character - I'm plagerizing heavily from my convo with @phamtai about this. Def check them out for more info and better insights than mine into the character. Duke is extremely well established in canon despite only having been around for a decade or so. Remarkably, it's taken until WFA to butcher his character. Duke in this series is too polite. He's too clueless. He's been presented as the Relatable Kid archetype that he doesn't fit. In canon, Duke has never not been self-assured. He's a relatable character, yes, but not because he doesn't know what's going on. He has experience as a hero long before the batfam became involved. And since then, he's bonded with them. WFA doesn't show his connection with Cass, his dynamic with Bruce or Jason, and completely ignores his conflicts with the family. In a supposedly family-focused product, those are damn near cardinal sins. He may as well be a totally new character. Duke has been watered down so much for the sake of this series. WFA could be a vessel to explore so many things about him that we don't see a lot of on the regular page. We could see a dive into the parallels between him and Bruce, the full psychological impact of losing his parents, epecially in contrast to Jason, how his world view and morals differ from Batman's, the daily consequences of his powers, or the fallout of his mourning independently for the friends he's lost. But those would be interesting angles WFA doesn't seem eager to explore. If you can't imagine a version Duke punching a cop just because they're a fucking cop, you're doing it wrong. Another issue is, unfortunately, Duke's role as the only Black batman member. I shouldn't need to explain why it's problematic to be showing his as constantly less knowledgeable and presumably skilled as the other bats. (No, it doesn't matter that Dick and Damian are drawn with dark skin. Dick has been written as a white man for nearly his entire existence. The person who retconned that is notoriously racist and has spent years defending her inclusion of sexual assault in her writing. I have no issue with Dick being Romani, but just changing the color of his skin is not the way to do it.) DC has recently had a push towards inclusion, on the page an behind the scenes. This is good, of course. Though if they really are committed to representation and inclusion, it needs to be an effort seen across the board. Faux pas like this paint a pretty obvious picture.

The Webtoon format is shit - Webtoon is a great platform for indie writers and artists. It's not my style of content, but I get the appeal. IMO, it's ridiculous to accept a professional comic publisher shitting out 12 page fluff pieces. Yes, the weekly comic format has been phased out for a reason. Yes, halving the workload is a possible way around that restriction. But there just isn't a good enough reason to do it. It's a pretty obvious ploy to seem "hip" and "get in with kids these days." It's lazy and frankly kind of embarrassing. For anyone who doesn't know, a standard comic book is usually 24-28 pages. This isn't an arbitrary number, it's part of the format for the art form. That length allows for necessary plot developments in a serial story line while also giving the characters, themes, and artwork time to breathe. Furthermore, it's what most comic readers have come to expect over the decades. Halving that wouldn't necessarily be a problem, there are plenty of examples of well made shorts out there, but coupling that WFA's love affair with single panels and splash pages is a major issue. Say you make a 12 page comic with 4-6 panels per page. You have 48-72 panels to work with. You can sit a compelling story into that, with or without heavy dialogue. But bring that down to 12-24 panels, and you have one of two options: either 1) ultra-compress your narrative or 2) reduce the plot to compensate. Ignoring the formatting choices, WFA is a convenient reason for DC to keep the worst of the status quo in the bat titles. There's no need to acknowledge criticism of Bruce's treatment of his family when they can simply point and say "Jason's throat hasn't been sliced open here! And look, Damian hasn't been left with the crushing guilt of his grandfather's death! We even let Tim exist as his own character!" WFA doesn't change anything, it shows that DC is aware of its problems but would rather outsource them than put in the work to fix it. There's a special kind of rejected feeling that comes with being told "I hear you, I just don't care.

Fandom isn't bad, but - Everyone is familiar with the incorrect quotes format by now. Sometimes they're funny, most of the time they tend to over-saturate. WFA is like if a incorrect batfam quotes blog was a comic. It's a steady supply of one-liners and references, sure, but it lacks any real substance. If that's what you like, I can't fault you for it, but it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. The way the batfandom has piled onto the "this is the best thing ever" bandwagon is concerning to me. There has been good batfam content in canon, you just need to know where to look for it. The lack of critical analysis of the project and dismissal of critiques is always an alarming pattern, but the way WFA has come to be the odd face of the fandom is just bizarre. It's everywhere, as you know if you've ever tried avoiding it. Thinking about WFA being the default interpretation of these characters makes me nervous. They lack the depth their canon counterparts. I don't care if you enjoy WFA, I do understand the appeal of it, but for the love of the gods, take it down from it's pedestal.

WFA is... fine. It's yet to commit any sins too egregious, but, like all DC properties, it's a ticking timebomb. I won't be surprised when it goes off, and I can't say I'll be sad to see it go. Ao3 has better content, anyway

[captainlordauditor]

On the topic of Catalina, DC will take any opportunity to make WOC villainous. Also the hypocrisy of all the Talía stans as if she didn’t do terrible things to the BatFam.

Has anyone gone through and made a count of all the woc in DC who have been written as rapists? Because off the top of my head I can think of four - Shado, Talia, Mirage, and Catalina. Perhaps we could have a conversation about Bana Mighdall (without everyone trying to tell me they’re Greek, thanks - they’re not immortal and have been interbreeding with local Egyptian humans for centuries). I’m sure there’s more.

I will say with regards to Talia - her raping Bruce was sort of kind of a retcon? But in both her and Catalina’s cases, the writers who wrote said scenes have since apologized and said they regret it. Meanwhile I’ve found nothing on Wolfman ever apologizing for Mirage, and he had a habit (in Titans, and also in general, eg, Terra, Liu, Terry Long, Kori’s backstory....) of writing things with questionable at best consent........

I could write multiple posts on Wolfman’s fuckery, he’s so bad.

I find it especially galling with Catalina, because like.... aside from that (or, depending on your preferred reading, even including that scene), she’s........a compelling character? I honestly find her at least as compelling as Talia, though part of that is the number of times Talia gets written as Bruce being the centre of the universe. I’ve talked before about what I find interesting about her, as well as how bullshit fandom’s treatment of her is - just look at Deathstroke! - and I stand by it.

 If you look at the bare facts about her as a character she’d make a very compelling foil to Red Hood - similar backgrounds, similar anger, but Jason’s is personal, Jason has more compassion, Catalina is more self absorbed, they even have similar murder habits, with most of Catalina’s kills being in self defense or against people she had reason to think would never be convicted. 

The thing is.... you don’t even have to make her nonvillainous? Just let women (especially women of color) be complicated*. If Deathstroke of all fucking people can get his own solo run and be seen as even somewhat sympathetic, why the fuck can’t we extend that to Catalina even a little bit?

I’m not just talking about DC here, I’m primarily talking about fandom. We have a habit of lending nuance to white male characters even when it might not necessarily be there, and ignoring it with women and characters of color. And for some reason, Catalina in particular, I suspect because she was primarily written by a woman who recieved backlash both from DC and fandom simply for existing, we especially lose it. You say the word “Tarantula” and it’s like everyone’s braincells drain out of their ears and all they have is hate. It’s especially telling how much discussion there is about Grayson and Tarantula in comparison to Wolfman and Mirage (ie a hell of a lot more).

Like, guys........ the rape is not the point of her character. She’s not a stalker**, she’s not obsessed or whatever she’s............she’s a villain. Who goes against Nightwing because he’s there and because he won’t help her. Chill. Maybe read some other issues she’s in - not even comics, other issues, because it seems the only thing people have read is Nightwing 93 without even looking at the follow up issues 94 and 95 and they talk out of their ass about that arc. I

.............I absolutely DO have a lot of thoughts on how to make her less villainous though, I’ll either write posts or fic or something eventually.

*All the ladies, especially the villains, suffer from this, even Talia, whom you mentioned - a heck of the lot of the time I feel like she gets reduced to “woman torn between family and lover!!!” (if we’re being sympathetic) or “foreign conniving seductress” (if we’re not), by both canon and fandom. Which, uh, yikes on both accounts folks.

**I don’t say this as a defense of her, to be clear, I mean there is genuinely no canon evidence for this claim and I don’t know where people get it from

[silver-wield]

tbh after playing the remake, I get the appeal of CA, because it's a familiar manic pixie dream girlfriend type love story. It even plays into the tragic boy loses girl trope which helps frame it as some grand romantic story. and yeah they're cute, and they definitely have a special connection. I think I could ship it if not for the whole rest of the story. It's a relationship that has the potential to become romantic, but it doesn't exist in a vacuum. 1/5

The remake is doing a great job on untangling a lot of the ambiguity the OG left us with. Yes, Cloud could develop feelings for Aerith and vice versa, but the remake is planting so many seeds that confirm he currently has feelings for Tifa (which she reciprocates) and I don't think it's possible for any feelings he might develop for Aerith to overcome these feelings he has harboured since childhood. 2/5

Unfortunately those feelings are something he cannot fully understand because of his comprimised mental state. But you can clearly see that his deep affections for Tifa and desire to protect her stay with him despite that (as can Aerith). The problem with the OG (other than having to potray this incredibly complex subversive nuanced story through text and polygons) is that the LS scene recontextualize so much of who Cloud is, but by that time people had already made their conclusions. 3/5

With the remake you can see them trying to fix this by having a constant thread of romantic undertones to all of cloti's interactions. The CA relationship meanwhile is potrayed with these moments that play into romantic tropes and expectations. The bridge scene is flashy and grand and draws the attention, but it doesn't carry the substance that a single hand-clech does. 4/5

It's meant to be a smokescreen to the real story - just as Cloud is not the hero you think he is, the love story is also not the one you think it is. And that's what makes FF7 so great. It's all about the subversions of what you expect - it's about the truth underneath these grand and compelling illusions that is complicated and real but still just as beautiful. 5/5

Okay, first off I don’t see how anyone can play Remake with Cloud being biggest mood around Aerith and find that appealing. Personally I think it’s the most toxic and harmful behaviour in the entire game when he’s alone with her and she’s literally trying to force him to act like her dead boyfriend. There is zero appeal in that and it’s not cute how she behaves, it’s arrogant and self serving. Like I said in a different post (or maybe a tweet) both Sephiroth and Aerith use Cloud to fulfill their own selfish desires. Sephiroth needs Cloud to destroy the planet by getting him the black materia, and Aerith wants Cloud to emulate Zack so she can fool herself into believing he didn’t die. In both cases what Cloud wants doesn’t even factor into things. That harmful dynamic doesn’t give them a special relationship. It mirrors Cloud’s relationship with Sephiroth in that it hurts him. Aerith and Sephiroth are two sides of a coin and the whole isn’t anything that benefits Cloud. Even after they’re both dead they continue to harm him through their obsession with him. It’s only at the end of AC when they’re both truly gone from his life completely that he’s able to smile and be at peace. He has no stalkers in DC and that’s why he’s so cheerful. He gets to live happily with Tifa and not worry about ghosts coming after him. It has zero potential to become anything because to make that a thing, you need to totally destroy everything else about the story and characters themselves. You have to take away Zack being Cloud’s best friend and saviour, at which point he’s just dead. You have to take away Tifa being his motivation to become a soldier, at which point he’s dead cause Sephiroth still comes to Nibelheim and burns it. Point is, there is no way that dumdum dinghy is possible without removing Cloud and most of his personality from FF7, at which point he’s just a pretty face, so people should just go write AU fanfiction and admit they wanna bang the pretty boy and not deal with his canon personality and story. 

There wasn’t any ambiguity in OG because 7R is FF7 and the devs have said multiple times the story is the same as before. The problem back then was a poor translation, bad advertising and people refusing to follow the narrative to its proper conclusion. Cloud at no point in OG or any of the compilation could develop feelings because it’s shown in the entire compilation that he has always and will always love Tifa. Before Crisis he loves Tifa. Crisis Core he loves Tifa. OG he loves Tifa. AC he loves Tifa. DC he loves Tifa and Remake he loves Tifa. There’s zero room for anything with Aerith because his entire character arc is consumed with his desire for Tifa. It’s literally shown in the damn game that he’s in love with her. So, no, there never was any chance for Aerith, and I’m tired of people trying to entertain one by saying “if she lived”. Sorry, not sorry, if she lived Cloud is still in love with Tifa, so he never would, could or want to develop any feelings for Aerith. 

Cloud loves Tifa. It’s the goddamn plot. 

There isn’t any problem with the lifestream scene being the big reveal at that point in that game. The problem, again, is that people refused to follow the narrative to its logical conclusion and got hung up on their dumbass headcanon about Aerith. The entire premise of the game is built on illusion vs reality and yet some people still refuse to wake up and see reality. The game spells it out for everyone. They got so triggered over her dying that they acted like the game ended at that point instead of it carrying on and reaching the actual true culminating arc where we find out Cloud wasn’t himself this entire time. People seem to think Aerith dying is the plot and that she’s the main character or something. It’s Cloud’s game. The plot revolves around him. That’s why the lifestream scene is the apex of it. 

It’s Cloud’s story, not Aerith’s. 

I’ve pointed out several times how Aerith’s optional scenes in Remake show that Cloud is barely even a fixture. Her language of flowers you barely have Cloud in shot while she’s doing all that talking. She’s basically talking to the player. Her optional dress scenes show the illusion for what it is. That bridge is tiny and yet in the red dress is looks like this massive structure. I laughed my ass off when I spotted it. The pink dresses perspective shortens drastically for each one, with the funeral dress having Cloud standing nearest to Aerith, so that one’s probably closer to reality than that ott scene with random fireworks and fans popping up from nowhere. Not to mention the fact Aerith’s entire figure is padded out to fill that dress and she’s got hair extensions in and a ton of make up and the ost is actually called a mess of makeup or something like that and not a certain gaudiness. I mean, Madam M tried to turn Aerith into Tifa to win the bride contest and beat Sam. The game makes things very clear that the illusion is Aerith and the reality is Tifa, and players can’t turn Aerith into Tifa to make Cloud notice her no matter how hard they wanna believe they can. Her resolution literally has her repeating her OG lines from the GS about how Cloud isn’t himself, but she also arrogantly assumes he fell in love with her or would because she’s arrogant. It’s a character trait that again mirrors Sephiroth’s arrogance. It’s what gets them both killed in the end. Aerith underestimates Sephiroth and Sephiroth underestimates Cloud. 

And we already saw what Cloud had to say about her declaration cause he only ever refers to her as a friend and didn’t show any romantic behaviour when he rescued her. Unless “Yep” is the height of romance now. It’s not that the romance isn’t the one you think it is. It’s that it’s the one you ignored and acted like wasn’t important because you hate the heroine. Tifa and Cloud are together from start to finish, but because people decided the pink girl was more important they acted like Tifa had no right to what was hers from the beginning. She didn’t get between Cloud and Aerith. There never was any Cloud and Aerith. It was always Tifa. She just took what was always hers and kept it. 

Anyone who doesn’t understand that should try playing the game cause it’s clear they didn’t.

[genderless-consul]

Top 5 Glee characters

Ooh, this is tricky, because it can fluctuate so wildly depending on who’s writing and what season it is, but if I’m judging based on a combination of their best material and how much the actors elevated their worst material, this is probably what I’ve got.

1): Santana - her early seasons arc was arguably the best thing to come out of Glee, period. And even when her character lost some coherency late in the game it was transparently because the writers were using the same “Naya’s our best actor, just use her for everything even if it doesn’t make sense” strategy that they once reserved for Jane Lynch. And the fact that she got married on screen, whatever else you can say about The Wedding as an episode, is one of the few genuine bright spots of what were an otherwise pretty mean-spirited final couple seasons. Oh, and the best voice on the show, easy. Valerie, Songbird, and Mine are all Hall-of-Fame solos, and any character that got to have a duet with her was having a great episode by default .

2): Kurt - another early Glee character arc that genuinely mattered in a way that far outstrips the rest of the show, and the fact that Chris Colfer was able to steal the show like he did at 19 will always blow my mind. He’s one of the best actors ever to only have one major credit, and even in Season 6 when the writers are treating him with complete contempt and he has every reason to be checked out, he’s still giving it 150%. He had so many different compelling relationships and elevated all of them- the magical romance (and later jaded cohabitation) with Blaine, becoming a family with Finn, the friendship with Rachel that developed over nearly all 121 episodes - and of course any scene with Kurt and Burt was a guaranteed tearjerker. And yes, having a countertenor in the main cast made the music so much more interesting and is one of my favorite things about the entire show - I still can’t believe the Glee versions of I Want to Hold Your Hand, For Good, and Not the Boy Next Door exist but I’m so glad they do.  

3): Quinn -multiple times the victim of some of the absolute worst writing in all of Glee, which is saying something, but when it was good, it was great. Basically carried all of Season 1 on her back in a really heavy storyline that shouldn’t work nearly as well as it does (I still don’t know they managed to make that Bohemian Rhapsody work, but they did). But Season 2 Quinn is probably my favorite stretch of any Glee character, because when she got the chance to be in control of a scene, Dianna Agron could knock “bittersweet Glee about teenagers who know this might be it” out of the park like nobody else. She was butchered in the Season 3 Shelby arc, she never got a proper ending in the later seasons, and the final shot of On My Way still shows up in my nightmares sometimes, but all of that only hurts so much because we saw what could have been. Oh, and I Feel Pretty/Unpretty is the best mashup.

4): Brittany - yes, the entire Unholy Trinity made it on here. Like Kurt and Santana, another case of the writers realizing “wait a minute, this person is ridiculously talented, let’s do something with that.” Probably the best manifestation of Glee’s deeply strange tonal tightrope, which would so often tip over into too saccharine or too acidic in other characters, and Heather Morris was the master at delivering the Ian Brennan one-liners that were actually funny (to be clear, Jane Lynch had plenty of those too, but she also got a few too many of the ones that were unfunny to outright offensive). And what makes it work for me was really that Brittany still got to have a character with legitimate development and sincere emotional reactions - some of my favorite line deliveries on the entire show (”aren’t you paying? ‘cause I ordered shrimp,” “clearly you don’t love you as much as I do or you would put the shirt on and you would dance with me,”  “can I hug?”) are Brittany lines without really being Brittany-isms at all. Oh, and as much as Heather’s dancing speaks for itself, I’ll also go to bat for I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) as a seriously underrated, all time great vocal performance.

5): Sebastian - Glee was always hurting for non-Sue Sylvester villains who could present more personal challenges to the kids, and while Season 1 Jesse was arguably the most successful version of that, Season 3 Seb will always be the best for me; Grant Gustin knew exactly what kind of show he was in and he absolutely radiates screen presence the whole time. His sheer level of petty dickishness is a great corrective to the slightly unreal nature of Dalton as a tolerance paradise in Season 2, and the rock-salt slushie is rivaled only by the Jesse St. James egg scene as the greatest “OH, YOU BASTARD!” moment in Glee history. He was kneecapped by an inexplicable face turn, and sadly had to be unceremoniously written out so Grant could go on to co-headline a generation defining adaptation of the DC Universe with Melissa Benoist (which, by the way - who saw THAT coming when Marley Rose was introduced in the fall of 2012?), but when he was here, Glee was an absolute joy to watch. The use of A Boy Like That as his de facto villain song is my favorite use of editing in the entire show, and of course it all built to Smooth Criminal, where Grant matching Naya’s energy produced the number that would probably win a ranked-choice straw poll for the best Glee song of all time. 

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Rewatching Snyderverse Part 2 - Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Before this movie came out, I was unimaginably excited. I am a 90′s kid, so I grew up watching BTAS and STAS and then Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. So watching Batman and Superman interact on screen for the first time was something I was so ready for. Plus, on top of that we had Wonder Woman in the movie as well. There was no way this movie could be less than awesome. I hadn’t loved Man of Steel, but I thought it was decent enough that Snyder could build on it if he kept his worst impulses a bit more restrained. Unfortunately what happened was that he just doubled down on a lot of things that I had a problem with in MoS and introduced a host of new issues as well. When I had initially walked out of the theatrical edition, I was desperately trying to convince myself that I liked the movie. It took a couple of more rewatched to get over my denial that I really didn’t like it much at all. I watched the UE much later and while its an improvement, it doesn’t convert it into a good movie.

Firstly the good parts, Ben Affleck essentially carries the film. When he was cast, I was indifferent because I hadn’t seen enough of him to have an opinion either way. But he was really good. He’s not quite Christian Bale, but Bale had the benefit of better writing. But he really delivers as the bitter and hardened Bruce Wayne/Batman. He carries off the charismatic womenizing business man side as well as the brutal Batman side of the character with equal ease. Jeremy Irons is also an excellent Alfred. I quite enjoyed how Snyder made the Bruce/Alfred dynamic more of two colleagues working together compared to the more father/son relationship of the Nolan movies, Irons really delivers the only bits of humor in the movie. Gal Gadot as WW was a surprise bit of casting. I didn’t think much of her as an actress from the F&F movies and sometimes her dialogue delivery is still a little suspect but she was quite a badass as Diana/WW. And her appearances and scenes, especially alongside Affleck, are pretty good. The visual aspect of this scene is impeccable. There are some glorious shots accompanied perfectly by the score. The shot of Superman saving the girl from a burning building and the people treating him like a god, the Superman memorial sequence, its all very well shot and composed. The entire opening sequence is glorious and you truly get the weight of the horror that regular people would have experienced when the battle of Metropolis happened. You can never make complaints of Zack Snyder as a visual director. The action is superb. The Batman warehouse scene might be the most badass superhero fight sequence I have ever seen, rivalled only by the Spider-man 2 train sequence and TWS highway fight. The Batman and Superman titular fight is also well done as is the final fight sequence. There are interesting ideas planted in this movie. The idea of a world grappling with the existence of Superman and how he fits within our society is genuinely fascinating.

But unfortunately, Snyder does a lot more wrong in this movie than he does right. Firstly, I just felt embarrassed for Henry Cavill in this movie. Any charisma and warmth he showed in MoS is just sucked dry by the layers of misery the film just piles on. Cavill spends the entire movie just scowling and grimacing and I don’t even feel I can blame him because that’s what Snyder has him do. Its just a royal waste of an actor who looks like he is the perfect casting for the role. Amy Adams has a reasonably substantial role and Lois and she’s fine, but it feels throughout that the film is trying to find a way to keep her relevant because they have committed to the idea of her being the key. There is an entire sequence where she throws away the Kryptonite spear, then has to retrieve it, and then almost drowns in the process. That’s where the film feels like its trying way too hard to give Lois Lane something to do. Like with MoS, I just don’t buy the Cavill and Adams chemistry and therefore its all the more difficult to accept the idea that she’s the key to Superman. Jesse Eisenberg is pretty terrible as Lex Luthor. I don’t know what Snyder was thinking. Again, I kind of have difficulty laying blame on Eisenberg because he gives a very Eisenberg performance, which is what Snyder must have been going for. It just doesn’t work at all. He just comes off as an unstable person right from the beginning. There are one or two scenes where he hits the right note, but otherwise its a very cringey performances and it really affects the film negatively. There is a whole host of talented actors who are wasted like Holly Hunter, Laurence Fishburne, and Diane Lane. 

The film is just so over plotted. Its like 3 movies fighting for space in one movie and it works against each movie. There is a compelling Batman movie in here, along with a pretty dull Superman movie, along with a Justice League setup film. The theatrical edition had some terrible editing and there were subplots that just didn’t make sense. The UE is definitely a more coherent movie as it makes the africa plot make more sense and gives some of the scenes more room to breathe, but the truth is that I was bored for about 2 hours of the UE. So much of it is just dull conversation and posturing between characters. The only parts where the film comes to life is when Affleck and Irons are on screen. I have no problem with an action lite superhero movie, but then the dialogue and the situations need to be compelling and not so monotonous. The film also just does not have enough time to suitably come up with a reason why Batman and Superman would want to fight. I mean, I really liked Affleck but the justifications he comes up with to want to straight up murder Superman make no sense. He’s a bit of an idiot and gets manipulated by Lex way too easily. If you really pick apart the Lex Luthor plot, it would unravel so easily because it relied on some many things that were beyond his control. Superman’s reason to be against Batman has a bit more in the UE, but its still not enough. Then there is the completely ham handed Justice League setup. I mean, someone who has no idea of Injustice or deep DC mythology would have no clue what the Knightmare sequence was and what the Flash cameo meant. I now have more context having read what Snyder planned to do, but at the time it didn’t make any sense. We still have no clue why Bruce is having these future memory flashes/dreams. Not to mention the ridiculous JL setup videos, set with logos for all the heroes. The idea that someone at Lexcorp spent the time to come up with the superhero logos for WW, Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg was just too funny. Its just the most lazy way to do a JL setup. Of course there is the infamous Martha scene which is a ridiculous scene no matter how you choose to explain it. I know what the point was. Doesn’t make the execution an less silly. Then on top of that we get thrown into a Doomsday/death of Superman story in the last half hour. Doomsday basically looks like a big mutated turtle. I recognize that Doomsday is not the most nuanced character, even in the comics, but surely he deserves better than this. There have been animated films and cartoons that have adapted Doomsday much better. Like with MoS, this film also ends with an three back to back action sequences with no room to breathe, though I admit that I enjoyed the action sequences here more than in MoS.

Anyways, the film ended up a big disappointment for me and a lot of my issues stem with decisions that Snyder clearly made with the characters and with the story. The UE was definitely better but not by a huge amount. The theatrical edition was a 3/10, and the UE was about a 4-4.5/10 for me. I have heard that ZSJL is the best of his DC movies. Hopefully that turns out to be the case.

[fyrapartnersearch]

|| 𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖑𝖊 𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖊𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖞𝖊𝖗𝖘 ||

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𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝑒 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎…

𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒶 𝓁𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝑒𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉…


haha ^^


To all the curious ladies and gents out here, you may call me Imp.

Short, sweet and straight to the point. ;)


I am a lady in her twenties, with a strong penchant for roleplaying, writing, and drawing. The Holy Trinity if you will. I am a huge nerd and aesthetic lover boy - plain and simple. One of my main passions being video-games, illustrations, comics, live-action films, series and anime/cartoon shows, elements that shaped me during my years of growing up.



It’s been a while since I’ve posted my first ever ad on any website, and I was very much positively surprised by the amazing people that have reached out to me.

And since I am a greedy little mf, I wanted to fish for more partners. I’ve been roleplaying for a few years now and gradually gathered a good amount of experience throughout the years, but it’s always fun to meet and learn something new.




Name: Imp



Age: 27 years



Experience: 11 years



Preferences: 1:1 Roleplaying



Partner: Should be at least [18+], but I rather much prefer my counterpart to be 21 years or older 



EMAIL: impish.and.angelic@gmail.com

I am a very creative sort of individual with hundreds of ideas constantly occupying my little impish head. And I am very spontaneous too, so I can always adjust to a new setting, depending on how good and compelling the concept is.

Inspirations come from various sources and origins, be it a fandom (an already existing universe) or an original storyline. Please read through these paragraphs carefully before you decide to contact me! It’s important to avoid any misunderstanding later! And I would less likely respond to a message with the title ‘Hey, wanna rp?’, since I hadn’t had any good experiences with these said messages.  Thank you. 


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Communication: It’s certainly chill. You can talk to me about whatever occupies your mind since I am very open and always happy to listen to others. I also tend to be chatty, sharing a meme or a joke every now and to loosen up the mood. If you consider choosing me as your roleplaying partner, be sure to maintain a certain consistency. I have nothing against going on a longer break or even a hiatus, but the whole `ghosting stick´ is something I have no patience for. So if you’re unsure of upholding a stable, long term partnership, feel free to skim past this ad. 

 Plotting: Also very important to note! I am fairly quick when it comes to building new characters, concepts, premises, storylines, backstories, etc… This means there is certain flexibility available which allows me to adjust. Even though it is a hobby, I am still extremely passionate about good storytelling and interesting character arcs. I hope to meet someone who is just as enthusiastic and willing to put in the same amount of effort as I am. If it’s only me who’s pulling all the weight, I will lose interest fast, just to get it out there. Aside from that, I love going a little crazy with the possibilities and push things to their absolute limits. Of course within the boundaries of the given setting.

 Pairing & Romance: Okay, right off the bat, I am a hopeless romantic through and through. I enjoy good and strong chemistry between characters just as much as the next, and this will be no exception. I prefer the good ol’ MxF pairing because I have more experience with this. But I also like playing a FxF dynamic or MxM. Everyone is welcome! When it comes to pairing itself, I want to make sure our creations are compatible, for I hate forcing characters into a romantic relationship for the sake of progression. A natural flow is what I am aiming for. ;)

 Mature? Yes, very much so:  Adult and taboo topics are absolute. There’s no way around it because, in my stories, it is a running theme. The adult world is not easy to handle, but it’s definitely interesting to explore. That includes violence, cursing, shocking content, and all that dark stuff. My limits are few, safe for a couple of minor pet peeves that I have, I am pretty much open to some experimentation. When it comes to action-heavy scenes (be it an intimate situation between two characters or something on a cataclysmic scale), I won’t fade to black since I am not a huge fan of censoring. However, I will not force or push my partner into something they are not comfortable with. If you want to know the extent to how far I am willing to go, what sort of content or how detailed my writing will be, you can ask me directly. As for smut or lemons, whatever you call it, it will never be the focus of any of my roleplays, but I enjoy a good erotic scene with a lot of tension (if they are good). 

 Boundaries: Not a big fan of things like pedophilia, necrophilia, scat, bestiality, or those dreaded ‘futas’.

Inspirations and interests: There’s a pretty broad spectrum of what I deem interesting and inspirational. From fallen angels and demon/monster hunters, mages, criminal masterminds, cybernetically enhanced characters to futuristic dystopian settings, ancient kingdoms who have fallen against the test of time. All of it causes my heart to skip a beat. For original content, I’ll just give a brief list of bullet points of the general themes that fall in line with my current interests. 

Writing: My texts are lengthy, detailed, and elaborate. Third-person is usually my preferred way of playing my character unless there’s a special case where an exception can be made. Word count usually fluctuates, though I have a standard form of 400-500+ words per response. It also highly depends on the given situation. I don’t want to set anything in stone… just to give you a basic idea of what you’re in for. I also expect my partner to have an at least adequate, if not decent grasp on basic grammar and punctuation. 

 Doubling: Yes, absolutely! If you are prone to doubling, chances are I might accept you as my partner straight away! Although I have nothing against the simple form of roleplaying, doubling is something I’ve done since my first time joining. 

 Characters: Very character-driven with the main focus being on interaction. I take my time writing characters and love nothing more than well-structured sheets that illustrate the vision of their creator. (But!) There’s no need to write 10-20 pages worth of character information, but I wouldn’t want to limit you either. As for the depiction of the given character, I won’t be as presumptuous as to tell you what sort of medium you can and cannot use. Face claims such as photos of real models, illustrations, 3D models, drawings or descriptions are all okay. As long as it gets its point across, I am happy.

 Aversions: A few minor things that irritate me, or let’s say, aren’t really my style are one-liners, low effort responses and out of character behaviors in canon characters. We all have different takes on characters, which is totally fine by me since I basically do the same. Though if the character acts and behaves unlike their personality dictates, it will break the immersion. I hope to stay true to my own words when saying this. If it happens on my side, just let me know! Another pet peeve of mine is that one plot that has been done time and time again…. and I’ve grown quite jaded towards it, which is ‘supernaturals trying to fit into human society’ thing… I mean, I’m not opposed to borrowing from this idea, but for me, it grew old pretty fast. Speaking from experience.

 Passione: My wish is to find a partner whom I can have a good time with and develop some chemistry. After all it is a fun hobby. We both should have fun with what we’re writing. Brainstorming among other things is one of my favorite things to do. To see how things unfold and how the characters react to the given situation is the highlight of any story.

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FANDOM:



I love roleplaying fandoms just as much as I have a blast with building something original universes. Worldbuilding is my preferred cup of tea… but if we opt for something more fandom inspired, I highly welcome in on expanding on the given universe and add some original lore too!

Hellsing: Haven’t done that one before and I am curious as to how things play out, especially in such a dark and mystifying universe like Hellsing. There’s a lot of subject matter that we can delve into, plus I am a big fan of powerful vampire characters!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: I would love you for this. No, seriously, I would. This fandom has sucked me into a downward spiral and there’s no possible chance of escaping this inescapable void. The absolute insanity of this franchise had me hooked from the second I laid eyes on it and I would be forever ecstatic if you’d message me on behalf of roleplaying Jojo. I have plenty of ideas for this one, just you wait.

Full Metal Alchemist: One of my favorite mangas and animes ever made. Recently I’ve begun rewatching FMA Brotherhood and felt a small hint of nostalgia swelling inside my blackened heart. I’d be open to play it, though it is not one of my top cravings at the moment.

Justice League / Young Justice / Justice League Dark: Huge DC fan, though I much prefer the animations and comics over the live-action cinematic. Let’s just say, I like the expansive and dynamic set of possibilities and deep, well-written cast. For instance Hellblazer Constantine or Raven.  

Bayonetta: Need I say more? Let’s dance boys!

APH Hetalia: That includes the 2P version ;)

The Boys: Well.. the 2nd season came out. And I am simply stoked.



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ORIGINAL: 



Supernatural: From angels to demons, from gods to monsters, I’ve seen it all and I absolutely love it. There can be any sort of creature or being involved, ranging from vampires to sirens to elves, you have it. However, I’ve never done something quite relating to angelic beings and their offspring before. I’ve read up on Nephilim and angels and found it rather fascinating, and it’s a different approach from the usual vampire vs werewolf cliche. 


Crime and intrigue: I never stray too far from the supernatural path, but hell, there’s nothing better than some good old gritty mafia inspired stories with a complex cast of characters and a solid storyline.

Sci-fi and urban fantasy: So this could be basically anything from genetically engineered superhuman (superheroes / - villains) with a dark take on the human psyche, dismantling the idea of heroism and villainy. Or a world where mankind began their interstellar journey to colonize neighboring planets, galaxies before transcending their own humanity by merging themselves with deadly technology. I have a few plans for this…

Historical and mysterious setting: So one of my favorite eras is the Victorian time period, 30s - 40s - 80s, Renaissance or Ancient times during the rise of the Egyptian / Roman / Sumerian Empire. During these times, a dark discovery was made by man, learning that they were not alone in this world. In fact, they weren’t even the supreme race that destined themselves to dominate the world, for another race of humanoids have lied dormant deep beneath the earth, slumbering through the millennia only to be re-awakened by a cataclysmic event. These ancient humanoids are gods among men, superior in every way imaginable, and they have made it their mission to reclaim their right to rule. But their nature is not what most people think it is…

The idea: I have an idea for a plot, in which I can give you if you ask for it. It is however merely a suggestion for what we could write - not a mandatory thing. If you don’t like the idea, we can always figure stuff out and keep on home-brewing till we find something we both can enjoy. There’s no need to immediately end things if the first thing doesn’t really fire you up.



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If you’re still here and haven’t fallen asleep reading through my loooong paragraphs, then I would like to thank you for bearing with me this far. I am looking forward to your messages. 

Have a wonderful day!

[shewantedtobeasecretgirl]

10. Bathroom wall a.k.a. a queen bee, Prince in the shower and a backup Casanova (Part Two)

Finally, that Donna Summer song is over… Although disco is not my favorite genre, I have nothing against her generally but now… the part in which she’s repeating “Hot-hot-hot-hot stuuuuff” reminded me of the sound of the rototiller which would break down in every single winter and my grandpa would always have to try for hours and hours to breathe life into it in spring. And the music was also way too loud in comparison to the fact the clientele of this place consists mostly of exhausted truck drivers who only want to chill to Chris Rhea’s Road to Hell. If they wanted noise, they would go to a strip club to see Miss North Carolina ’86 dropping her clothes to something from AC/DC. Probably Highway to Hell. Variations on a theme. But probably this little dump doesn’t even have a proper strip club.

Luckily, this shabby roadhouse has a separate room for pool tables; it’s pretty hidden and easily approachable without being noticed. Not that I don’t like hanging out with the guys��� okay, that’s also a part of it, we’ve been basically locked in a tour bus, concert venues and hotel rooms since last September. We’re each other’s company all the time, the only place where I can spend a few hours by myself is basically the ever-changing setting of my incoherent dreams. Only mentally, of course, since basically there’s always someone snoring around. And of course, they also keep showing up in random scenarios and with people they don’t even know but that’s the point of dreams, your brain forces you to put jigsaw puzzle pieces together that don’t match. Or they do, you just don’t know about it… Long story short, there’s no way to get rid of these dudes… Okay, it sounds as if they annoyed me… shit, they do annoy me more and more often and I hate this feeling. We’re basically friends; we wouldn’t be able to play in the same band if we didn’t get on well. But before we started touring, we’d all had our own circles including friends and colleagues, different hobbies, natural habitat… and music and the band had been only the intersection of them. We met when we had to do something as a band, we spent time together to write songs, rehearse, record… and in the remaining time, everybody lived their own life. That we don’t have anymore.

Usually, I try to not see only the dark side of this situation but now, I’m not feeling able to put on a smiley face. Maybe the fact that my whole digestive system is burning doesn’t help either… I bought a cola at the gas station next to the bar and smuggled it in under my jacket. That’s the only piece of advice of the doctor that is also useful under tour circumstances. I mean, I can’t just drop everything and lie down when the pains are coming, I can’t spend my evening sitting on the loo when I have to play a gig and who cares about diet when you can’t even eat or sleep on a regular basis? But cola is always there, no matter where I am. It’s the only thing that eases my nausea effectively and isn’t very conspicuous at the same time. And this one is as cold as ice, it feels good to press the bottle to my stomach as I’m crouching in fetal position in this armchair. Although the doctor probably wouldn’t approve, I spiked it with a few drops of rum. To be honest, they were bigger drops but I finally wanted to empty my flask. I decided to give up drinking spirits, beer makes me unpredictable enough and mixing drinks only fucks my digestion up too.

“Here you are, finally! I knew you were somewhere here too!”

So much for hiding…

“Hi, Karrie…”

“Man, you’re missing the best parts… some local chicks started courting the guys, they even got them to dance…”

“Awesome…”

“Mike, can you hear what I’m telling you? I said the guys were made to dance… I mean, the guys such as Jeff, Dave and Stone… and dance, like, moving the body rhythmically to the music… Although the girl who picked Stone had a difficult job…”

“Let me guess: she failed.” I remark in a bored voice and shake the bottle in small circles not to waste a drop of my drink.

“Mike? Is something wrong with you? Normally, you would basically drop everything and rush there to see the end of the scene but… yes, something’s wrong with you...” she answers her own question with a concerned face sinking down slowly onto the other armchair.

“I’m fine…” I mumble as I embrace my knees and lean my chin against them.

“Mike, I haven’t known you for a long time but I’m pretty sure that sitting alone curled up like a hedgehog is not your normal state. The pains, again, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t like being taken for an idiot. Ninety percent of my job basically consists of watching every move of yours and trying to figure out your needs before you would even think about them. Do you think I haven’t noticed you’re suffering?”

I should have known. She usually stays in the background, doesn’t meddle in the business of the others but she’s all ears and eyes… she knows everything about us.

“All I know is that it must be something with your stomach or intestines… I don’t know exactly how serious it might be but it seems to be serious enough to be treated…” she goes on ignoring my stubborn silence. “Have you already seen a doctor? Have you already been diagnosed?”

I’ve seen several ones. I have a diagnosis. But I doubt she wants to hear the detailed description of my medical history, in particular the analysis of that delightful feeling when objects are being put up into your butthole.

“Do the others know about it?”

Oh, sure… like the inexhaustible source of Stone’s stupid anal jokes needed any feeding…No, thanks. And enlightening the others about the fact that pissing in the corner and running around naked aren’t the only sorts of accidents happening with me from time to time isn’t one of my top priorities either.

“Look, Mike, you’re an adult. Legally, leastways. I can’t tell you what to do and I’m finished with the heart-to-heart, I promise but… come on, all I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to feel ashamed and you can live a quality life whatever your problem is, for example Effie…”

“Effie?” I try not to sound like a maniac but I almost kick the table over as I jump back in regular sitting position. “You mean she…?”

“Hasn’t Judy mentioned it?”

“What?” I ask so far as I’m able to speak at all due to the lump in my throat that grew out of nothing of the mere mention of her name.

“She’s been waiting for new kidneys, or at least one new kidney for months. It’s pretty difficult to find a suitable donor for her… but she’s optimistic, as always. And also angry a bit but it only helped her move on.”

“May I ask… what happened to her? I mean, I understand if it’s not public or…” I try to form coherent sentences, which is not that easy at all after this shock therapy.

“It’s not a secret, it’s the result of medical mistakes.” she starts telling the whole story. The chain of her ordeals is more than simple misfortune, and honestly, as I’m trying to recall that compelling but still playful voice, it’s difficult to believe her life depends on permanent medical help. “…and that’s where we are now.” she finishes with a deeps sigh.

“Poor girl…”

“She’d cut your throat if she heard you. She hates being pitied and tries to keep her life in the normal track very hard, limits and obstacles have always annoyed her… but she’s not that kind of girl to whom you can explain that life can be complete without sky diving, rock climbing or space travel too.” she shrugs with a bittersweet smile.

“Does that mean she keeps going on with her studies and…”

“That’s the problem. She’s suspended her studies, gave up her student jobs but she’s already regretted it. And Annie, I mean, her mom is overconcerned and wants her to rest and stick around until the transplantation will have been carried out. And that’s one of the reasons why I recommended Judy as my replacement…”

“They need money…”

“Yup. But the point of my coming up with Effie’s case is to make you understand you’re not alone, having an illness is not a shame but I hate clichés so I rather shut up. I don’t want to lecture you, I would just feel guilty if I didn’t even try to talk about it with you.”

“I have already heard so much about her… do you have a picture of her or something? I’m curious… I mean, it’d be nice if I could connect a face to all those awesome stories…” I hear myself talking. Gaah, I don’t want seem to be pushy or a psycho stalker but I need to see her face.

“Uhmm, I used to keep a few family photos in my wallet, if you’re lucky I still have them…” she begins to rummage in her purse. “Ah, here it is. But no, that’s an old one.” she puts the picture back before I could take a look at it.

“NO, I WANT TO SEE IT.” I grab her forearm. “Please…?” I soften my voice seeing her puzzled expression. So much for avoiding deranged behavior.

“She was like seventeen when it was taken, it’s the yearbook photo from her senior year I guess.” she hands it to me.

I don’t know what I was expecting or if I was expecting anything at all but one thing I know: I wasn’t prepared for THIS. Judy mentioned she was blond and had blue eyes and normally, I would pair this combo with a Barbie-type girl in my imagination. But she’s everything but a Barbie-doll, her clear, shining, honest eyes stare into the camera with some cautiousness but if you examine her face carefully enough, you can discover hints of impishness playing around her lips and those tiny freckles around her nose and her skin that was still wearing the last kiss of late summer sun when the picture was taken… Jesus ‘Cready, you’re not a poet, you’re not even sane. Yes, I must have lost my mind, I’m hearing music in my head… “Drea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream…”

“Mike… Mike… Miiiike…” I find myself in the reality again when Karrie snaps a couple times with her fingers in front of my face. And I realize I didn’t grow a DJ in my mind, the song of Everly Brothers is actually playing in the bar.

“I take this now back, I found another one.” Karrie has to basically disentangle my clenched, grabby fingers from the photo but my eyes are still glued to the face in it, greedily collecting the tiniest details until it disappears in the wallet. “Here.” she pushes the other picture in front of me. “It’s from last year, I think, her hair is curlier here but that’s her natural look, she doesn’t have it straightened too often.”

The second photo gives that human tornado, that young woman clearly back whom I’ve imagined so many times since that very phone call and of whom now I know that she’s officially out of my league. It’s definitively confirmed, not that I had any chance to meet her in real life or at least talk to her again…

“You know what? You should consider talking with her about it. I think she’d understand it better than any of us.” Karrie remarks casually while sliding the pictures back into their place.

Oh. Yes. Sure. Why not call this angel to tell her I’m a disgusting pig who doesn’t have the slightest control over his metabolism, lets out disgusting sounds involuntarily and shits in his pants at least once in a week. Yes, that’s something I would totally chat with her about…

“It’s just an idea, I’m sure Judy would help you find a way to get in contact with her… of course, only if you want to…”

“Houston, we have a problem… Karrie… there’s a situation… we need you…” Scully basically falls into the room breathlessly.

“Jesus, what happened?” she jumps up terrified.

“It’s Judy… you should go after her…” he gasps pressing his hand against his right side. “I’ll tell you on the way…”

“Sorry Mike, we’ll talk about it later…” she shouts back on leaving.

At least my interrogation is over and I can spend some time alone since the others seem to be busy with that “situation”, whatever it is… Maybe I could practice pool tricks, I still haven’t given up my goal to beat Stone at least once in this lifetime. Even if we aren’t playing against each other, he keeps bothering me with his sarcastic comments and doesn’t let me try things in my own way, I can’t really improve my pool skills when he’s around.

After playing a few rounds against myself and winning, of course, I realize the pains have almost gone… It’s so weird, you immediately notice discomfort but you’re always unaware of the lack of it for a while, especially if you manage to direct your thoughts on something else. I guess I should look for the others, I hope Judy’s okay…

“Sorry” an unknown female voice addresses me with a short cough “have you got light?”

***

„So… what’s the plan?” Dave asks leaning on the counter with his elbows facing towards the tables.

“What plan?” I ask back positioning myself in the same way to be able to take a look around.

“For the evening… with the ladies.” he winks meaningfully.

“I don’t know… I guess we’re just hanging out. But why are you asking me? It is you and Jeff who are allowed to have any plans with any ladies… I have a beautiful girlfriend at home, remember…” I answer and I feel my lips pulling in a wide grin; I can’t help, I’ve developed this instant reaction that occurs whenever my gorgeous blondie is on my mind.

“How could I forget… you’d never miss an opportunity to rub this fact in our face. Anyway, Jeff doesn’t seem to be interested in them either, for obvious reasons…”

I squint at the pinball machine where the two second fiddles whose names I’m simply unable to recall are trying to break their personal records. I don’t really get why they think screaming helps them keep the ball on the play field but at least they prevent Jeff from falling asleep; he’s suppressing one yawn after another while stealing glances alternately at the basketball match on the TV screen and the table around which Scully, the slightly deranged leader of the girl bunch and our pocket-sized roadie are having an apparently deep conversation.

“He shouldn’t torture himself, his obvious reason doesn’t give a fuck about his awkward performance.”

“You can never know. Maybe she ignores intentionally that he’s ignoring her intentionally. But I guess you’re happy about it, the super professional band leader who’s against within-band hook-ups…”

“You know my opinion…” I shrug. “Just think about Fleetwood Mac and what happened to them.”

“Uhm, they became a world-famous top rock band?”

“You’re right! Come with me in the restroom, NOW!”

We both burst out in a dirty, tipsy laughter and it takes a few minutes until we calm down enough to be able to speak again.

“So, what are your plans?” I nudge him still shaking of warm-down snorts from time to time.

“I guess if the dynamics don’t change very quickly in the opposite direction, Jeff will vanish in less than ten minutes… and I’ll have to sacrifice myself and keep both chick entertained in the rest of the evening. But I don’t mind, they’re both cute.” Dave takes a sip of his beer wiggling his eyebrows satisfied.

“Both chick? What about… Caledonia?” I nod towards the black-haired alpha female of the trio.

“Her name is Claudia, geez man, you’re hopeless… but no, thanks, her behavior reminds me of that psycho woman in Fatal Attraction too much.” he frowns. “Stoney, be a man and do what you gotta do.”

“…which is…? Jesus, I’m not interested in any random girl I encounter and as you said, she’s totally insane, while we were dancing…”

“… while she was dancing…”

“… I felt as if I had been caught by a boa constrictor that was squeezing me tighter and tighter and I swear, it must have been an extended, super long version of Hot Stuff, I thought it would never end, like, it was at least three minutes longer than usual…” I go on since I’m not willing to react to his undisguised reference to my dance talent.

“Just go back to her, have a polite chat with her and say bye in half an hour… maybe I can keep Jeff here and you can use each other as excuse for leaving. I’ll be here and keep an eye on you and in case she gets out of control, I call the local herpers to catch her.” Dave presents his concept about the strategy I should follow.

“Herpers against herpes, it sounds like the name of some non-profit organization... Okay, approved but if I start yelling “red code”, you launch the rescue operation, that’s the signal.”

“Just go finally, the sooner you begin, the earlier you can get out of here.”

I grab my beer and walk to the small company around the table but as soon as I arrive, all its members fall suddenly silent.

“What’s up, Scully? Hi Claudia.” I greet them and get a dark look from the third person whom I’m trying to ignore to get away with the situation as simply as possible.

“Scully… what kind of name is that at all?” Claudia mutters listlessly; for some unknown reason her energetic behavior has gone; she’s playing with her hair bored leaning her face against her palm.

“There are some who call me… Tim.” Scully uses the occasion to crack a Monty Python joke.

“Tim the Enchanter.” I finish the quote basically swallowing the last syllable since I hear the other girl uttering the same words simultaneously.

“Is that some inside joke of yours?” Claudia mumbles unwillingly.

“Kind of.” I answer in the same style. “But his real name is Timothy, that’s the truth.”

“Anyway, these weird nicknames are pretty common in your crew. Scully… Stone… I wonder how you got this one.” she goes on in a monotonous voice. It’s strange, she doesn’t sound like someone who feels like having a conversation at all. Maybe she’s that depressed type of drunk.

“Guess what: from his parents.” the annoying little smartass answers instead of me raising one eyebrow.

“Oh, really? Your name is almost as bizarre as you.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. I don’t mind if she spares me an uncomfortable talk and leaves me alone before I would ditch her but why is this turnaround?

“Judy, you promised you were going to play foosball with me! Come, the tables are finally free!” Scully jumps to his feet pulling his colleague by her hand.

“What? I didn’t promise anything, I…”

“Come on, you have a mind like a sieve, of course you did! We could invite the others too and you could teach us those mind-blowing tricks!” he drags her enthusiastically in the direction of the foosball tables; she seemingly protests a little but finally gives in and follows him reluctantly.

“Uhm… I hate to admit but she’s a first-class player.” I speak up with a sentence I didn’t want to say at all but the urge to break the awkward silence was strong enough that my mind forgot to look for better topics.

“Wow.”

Gosh, I’ll need anti-depressants, if she goes on like this.

“I everything okay?” I try to look in her eyes. “I mean… you seemed to have fun when you came over, you even danced… but now… I mean, if it’s a private thing, you don’t have to answer…”

“Stone… you are a really nice guy and all, handsome, actually funny but… I don’t think we would match.”

Thank God. But something I can’t explain makes me ask for the reason instead of confessing I’m not available anyway.

“Oh. I see. And… what makes you think we’re too different?”

“I don’t know… there are just so many antagonistic characteristics… For example, I don’t like animals. I mean, I just can’t get on well with them, I don’t even like watching documentaries on them.”

“I love them, I have a cat called Red and I love dogs too, my family has always had dogs. But I know there are people who feel strange when animals are around, I’m okay with that… what else?” I inquire; the suspicious feeling keeps telling me something’s not okay here, something’s FUCKIN’ not okay here. Maybe if I ask further questions, I get closer to the reason of her behavior.

“I don’t eat red meat at all.”

“Haha, then we have something in common. I have vegetarian phases from time to time and I’m right in the middle of one. I have nothing against meat but I only consume them at special occasions.”

“But that’s the point, I hate these special occasions!” she blurts out passionately. “And I loathe even the smell of beef, let alone touching it.”

“I repeat, I can live without it.” I laugh. “And… your concern about differences is really sweet but I have to tell you something: I have a girlfriend at home, we’ve been together for months so…”

“I know! And you’re so lucky to have someone who accepts you the way you are, even if your taste is everything but ordinary and…”

Let’s wait for a second… how does she know about Amber? And what’s this babbling about my quirky style? And what was this madness about animals and meat? My mind switches to replay mode and I try to recall the moments of the evening double-time… I see ourselves arriving, them coming to our table, us dancing to the fast-forward version of Hot Stuff, them disappearing in the restroom, them getting back from the restroom and joining Scully and J…STOP! Her. That. Little. Shit. It could be only her. She must have said something about me, something crazy shit, because that’s what she’s doing all the time, she tries to turn everybody against me and ruin my reputation and… Okay, first I have to get rid of Claudia, it’s not her fault, after all.

“Thanks for saying that, it’s very nice from you. And I’m sure, sooner or later you’ll find a guy who really fits you. I hope I didn’t hurt you but I don’t really like to talk about my private life. But I guess my friends enlightened you about the details to avoid misunderstandings…” I squint at her playing the gentle refusal routine. If my presumption is correct, it’ll turn out here and now.

“Oh yes!” she jumps on my words immediately. “Judy told me everything. She cares about you a lot, she’s such a good friend!”

“She is.” A good friend of cheap tricks and pretended innocence. But she’ll pay for this. “Her problems are usually similar to mine so we are pretty much on the same wavelength.” Whatever it is, I throw the shit back at that viper. “But this is so awkward and I don’t want to waste your time so… I wish you all the best and good luck with guys!” I stand up already thinking about medieval methods of torment I would gladly try on that two-faced dwarf.

“Thanks… and be happy with that lucky girl!” she sends a saddish smile and I feel guilty for a second for leaving her alone right when she stopped playing the role of the tempting seductress. But while I’m walking to the foosball tables, my thoughts are going back to my unfinished business with that hypocrite, mean…

“No, Scully, the point is in the right angle, look, I don’t shoot the ball until… hey, Scully, you’re not even watching… oh.” she suddenly falls silent and flushes as she follows the gaze of the pale, petrified guitar tech in my direction as I arrive to them. He was obviously trying to save her ass but I don’t blame him, he hates fights, he probably feels being between two fires.

“You know what? I’m also dying to learn more about your little tricks.” I stop at the foosball table with folded arms.

“Oh my God, I love tricks.” Claudia’s enthusiastic friend chirps from the other side of the table. “What? I do love them!” she whines not decoding the strict face the third member of their bunch sends at her after nudging her to finally shut up.

“S-sure, I gladly show them to you too…” the manipulative little beast stutters.

“Face-to-face.” I cut her off in my coldest voice and I can basically hear how hard she just swallowed.

“Ugh… let’s look for Jeff and Dave.” Scully steers the two confused, reluctant friends of Claudia out of range basically tossing them towards the bar counter.

“So, what do you want to know?” she asks almost cheerfully; what an acting performance.

“Oh, I want to know a lot of things… if aliens exist… where the other half of my favorite pair of socks might be… what’s the equivalent of blushing at chameleons… why Claudia suddenly started treating me as if I was a leper…”

“They do. Probably in Jeff’s suitcase. You can’t embarrass a reptile. Maybe she has finally seen the light…” she lists her answers shrugging nonchalantly. “But I guess it’s a relief for you, so we’re happy now, huh?”

“It depends. I wonder if someone helped her out with some useful information about me…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about… not that it matters as for the result…” she starts spinning the sticks in the table for no reason, since no one else is around, it’s probably just a pathetic excuse for avoiding eye contact.

“You know, I like to decide on my own with whom I want to spend my time.”

“Do you absolutely exclude the possibility of other people feeling the same way? What if she just didn’t enjoy your company?”

“That’s not impossible but the marvelous change in her behavior makes me think something happened either in the restroom or at the table… and guess what? You were there the whole time too.”

“Are you stalking me? Jesus, should I have reported what I was doing at the loo? And I’m even sitting at tables, holy shit, that’s a federal crime.”

“She herself told you on. I haven’t figured out yet what you told her but I know Scully like the back of my hand; he’s obviously trying to cover for you but keeping secret and acting aren’t his strengths. Sooo… you can play dumb but it’ll take me less than two minutes to get everything out of him.”

Her hands stop fidgeting in the second she realizes there’s no point in denying.

“If you’re convinced that much, then why are you asking me? Just execute me here and now…” she stretches out her arms playing the role of the innocent, targeted victim.

“Nah, you can’t get away with it so easily. I wanna know why you did what you did.” I stand in her way since I can see her eyes mapping the possible escapes.

“Why do you want to know why I did what you think I did?” she asks back still keeping the poker face. She still thinks she can win, unbelievable.

“Well… it’s just interesting. Jeff and Dave danced with those girls too but as far as I can see, their popularity hasn’t decreased, I wonder why…” I turn around for a second and nod towards our table where the guys are laughing hard at something with Scully and Claudia’s friends, Claudia seems to have been vanished in the meantime, though.

“Because they don’t have girlfriends...” she remarks earnestly staring at them, not even noticing she broke the character.

“So that’s it? That’s why you did it? You think I can’t even look at other girls since I’m not single?”

“You just shouldn’t. I mean, you found a girl who meets your special needs, you wouldn’t have such luck once again in this lifetime.” she sits back on the high horse again.

“What special needs?” I ask eagerly hoping I can finally put the whole picture together.

“I don’t know, four boobs, tiny brain, large bed, I guess…” she goes on with the bullshit.

“That’s you theory about my needs? Wonderful… So you think I would have cheated on my girlfriend without your machination?” I raise my voice.

“I didn’t say that…”

“Did I kiss her?”

“You didn’t but…”

“Did I hug her?”

“You didn’t but…”

“Did I grope her?”

“You didn’t but…”

“Then what the fuck did I do that bothered your sensitive soul so much that you dared intervene in my business?” I lean over her making her back away.

“You laughed and…”

“What?” I scream. “You think me laughing with someone wearing skirt makes you entitled for shit-talking? You’re insane. You know what? You can play the self-proclaimed moral police of the crew or Seattle or the whole fuckin’ universe, I don’t give a fuck. Just leave. Me. Alone. Mind your own love life. Oh, wait? You don’t have one? Maybe that’s the problem?” I cover my mouth with my palm pretending shock.

“Screw you, Gossard.” she whispers hoarsely and tosses me away with her shoulder rushing past me.

***

I catch her at the entrance, in front of the building. Scully was right, she seems to be pretty upset.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!!!” she shouts emphasizing the last “shit” by kicking at full strength in the dumpster standing on the side of the road. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” she bounces with painful groans on one leg until she almost loses her balance and limps back to plop down onto the curb.

“I heard that Converse was planning to launch steel toe sneakers, first I thought the brand managers were tripping on something but seeing you it totally makes sense.” I remark as I take place next to her with the moves and in the pace of a seventy-year-old woman; this position is anything but comfortable for my permanently aching knee.

“Ha, very funny. I should have kicked him in the balls. With steel toe boots…” she mumbles taking her foot in her lap. “I hope I didn’t break my big toe.” she tries to make a diagnosis by palpation.

“If I’m not wrong, you’re talking about the genitalia of Stone Carpenter Gossard.”

To my biggest surprise, it’s not the anatomical term that catches her attention.

“What? Carpenter?” she asks snickering but she also wipes out an involuntary teardrop with the back of her hand from the corner of her eye in the meantime. Whatever happened, it must have actually hurt.

“Yes, that’s his middle name. But: you didn’t hear it from me. And, I know the temptation is huge but try to keep this information until you can use it with cool head.”

“I’m as cold as an icicle.” she sniffles bitterly.

“As a melting icicle.” I stop a next teardrop rolling down on her face with my thumb. “Come on, what happened?”

“Nothing. I’m just so sick of it. So sick of him.”

“What has he done?”

“You mean apart from getting addicted to oxygen twenty-something years ago?”

“Did he say something?” I ignore her sarcastic response.

She laces her arms around her knees and begins to examine her shoes.

“Did he do something?”

She insists on remaining silent and resists my interrogation pretending the patterns on her socks require all her attention.

“Or didn’t he say or do something? That’s the problem? Look, I don’t have to care about your childish quarrel. I just wanted to check if you’re okay since Scully was worried about you. But frankly, maybe too many people are already busy with trying to keep your war over sandbox toys under control.”

“You could finally decide on whose side you are…”

“Obviously on Stone’s. But it has practical reasons, Mike mentioned once he had drunk expired beer during a gig with his previous band and he’d vomited in the amplifier…” I try to ease the tension. “But Jesus, Judy, joke aside, I’m on nobody’s side, of course. I’m just trying to help but if I don’t know what happened, I can’t. And I’m helpless since believe or not, I know he’s a really great guy and I also know you’re an awesome chick and honestly, I have no clue why your arrival has turned him completely inside out.”

“So it’s my fault.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I’m just… so sick of him.”

“You’ve already said that.” I fish a tissue out of my pocket and hand her so that she doesn’t use her forearm to clean her nose.

“You know… he’s not the first smug prick I have to deal with, I met enough of them at Juilliard… but usually, I just ignored them.”

“Then why don’t you ignore him too?” I ask although I know there are several reasons that make this idea extremely difficult.

“I’m not in the position in which I could pretend he’s invisible. And inaudible. I mean, letting it slide sounds like a way that could be even effective, maybe he would get tired of torturing me after a while… but it’s not like high school bullying, I don’t have years to get rid of him, at least you have a glimmer of hope every year there that maybe the bullies find a new victim in the freshman class… But… despite what this whole situation looks like, this is the adult world. This is my job, the management is my employer and if the band is not satisfied with me, I’m going to be fired.”

“But they are satisfied with you…”

Her disbelieving expression makes me correct my sentence.

“They are not dissatisfied with you…”

“Stone is. And he’s the leader and main songwriter of the band so if it came to a dealbreaker… guess who would draw the short straw.”

“Who talks about a dealbreaker? At this point, you’re my trainee. You’re under my protection.”

“And you know what’s the most irritating part? That I’m trying, I’m really trying… I do everything to fulfil his wishes…”

“…which are often ridiculous, let’s be honest. I mean, he’s an immensely talented musician but he… all of them have to learn that being loud and raw isn’t the most important thing…”

“Exactly… I just want to turn up the volume until his monitor box explodes and then just shrug, like “you wanted this, fucker”.“ we both giggle recalling the awkward moments and the looks we exchanged at sound checks. “But what’s your strategy? How can you convince him?”

“Well… I don’t try to convince him with explicit arguments… somehow I learned how to make him believe that my suggestion was originally his idea.”

“Clever… but ah, I couldn’t make it… he disagrees with everything I come up with… it’s like an innate reflex at him.”

“Aaand you’ve just caught the point!” I snap with my fingers.

“…which is… that it’s a reflex and he can’t help it?” she frowns.

“No, the other thing you said… he disagrees with everything that comes from you.”

“…aaand…?” her hands circling around each other urge me for getting straight to the point. “Yes, I’m the problem, I know, there’s nothing new in that.”

“NO! And actually… I’d rather keep you in the dark about it. Namely, we’ve got a plan.”

Two plans actually, in case plan A doesn’t work…

“We? You and…?”

“Schmitty, Brett and Scully. None of them is particularly good at keeping secret but this time they are holding on, I’m very proud of them. But as far as I know you, you’d ruin everything if you knew the details.”

“I can’t wait… if it doesn’t involve a pair of dirty, stinky socks getting stuffed into Stone’s mouth, I’m not interested in it, anyway… whatever… sorry for being skeptical, the guy is smart, he smells plans and tricks from miles… and even if he doesn’t, he ruins your self-esteem and drives you into series of mistakes and then” she claps suddenly making me start ”he gets you and makes fun of you.”

“You don’t need to exaggerate, he’s not Satan itself…”

“Are you sure?” she narrows her eyes meaningfully. “I had finally gained some confidence by the time I graduated from Juilliard, I mean, I finally believed that being admitted and receiving a degree there meant I could really… achieve something… and now... I feel like I’m at the start again.”

“The situation is certainly out of your comfort zone… but you came from a different world… and his world is strange for you too and…”

“If it was only about this!” she cuts me off. “He’s mocking me permanently, at everything. Everything. Like in elementary school, he makes remarks about my look, my dresses…”

“But you mock him back!”

“… my love… life…” she goes on in a thinner voice. “Or… rather the lack of it. Rude remarks.”

Whoa, that’s new. Obviously, I’ve heard him cracking jokes about her innocent look and Jeff’s admiration for her that he rather disapproved than encouraged, by the way… but he hadn’t humiliated her publicly only for being single… I need a context.

“What did he say exactly?”

“He told me not to put my nose into other people’s business… and that I should to stay away from his private life and insulted me by saying I didn’t even have a love interest…” she recalls in a bored voice like she was reciting a textbook.

“That doesn’t make any sense… what happened before?” I inquire. Something tells me that’s only the second half of the story…

“We had sort of a… disagreement.”

“You don’t say…” I squint at her. “Come on, don’t make me pull everything out of you word by word!”

“Can I have a cigarette?” she asks out of the blue.

“But you don’t even smoke!” I protest.

“Do you want me to go on or not? Just give me a cigarette, please.”

“Oookaaay…” I hand her the pack with my lighter in it.

“So… there were those girls who showed up in the bar… they sat down to the guys’ table…” she begins as she hits the pack with her index finger a few times to set a cigarette free.

“Yes, I saw them, they even danced with them, it was hilarious!” I giggle. Honestly, not only the recall of the scene cracks me up, her fumbling with the lighter is hysterical too.

“One of them… Claudia… she hit on him. I mean, on Stone.” she utters with disgust as she succeeds in lighting the cigarette for about the sixteenth attempt.

“Oh yeah… she seemed pretty pushy.”

“Pushy is not the right term, she was just shameless! I encountered her in the restroom, she started asking questions about him, you know, if he’s single, what kind of girls he liked, stuff like that. And I… ahem… I told… ahem-ahem… I told her… ahem… I told he had a girlfriend ahem-ahem-ahem-ahem…”

Even the first drag drives her on the verge of choking.

“Are you sure you want to smoke it?”

“Yes, I am… ahem… I’m okay… I’m just… ahem. Okay. I think it’s over.” her breathing calms down finally. “So” she takes another drag, a perceptibly more cautious one “long story short, she didn’t even care… and that asshole didn’t even resist.”

“I didn’t see him reciprocating her approach… What should he have resisted?”

“Everything? OUCH!!!”

Due to her outraged hand moves, she managed to drop the ash onto her forearm.

“Okay, you give that to me…” I grab her by the wrist and take the cigarette between my own middle and index finger. “When you’re smoking, you have to ash it regularly to avoid accidents like this. It also burns while you’re talking, just sayin’…”

“Damn… but it’d feel really good to hold a cigarette in my hand while I’m flailing…” she whines still rubbing her forearm.”

“Here. But don’t even try to light it. We can pretend you’re smoking it. Go on.” I hand her a fresh cigarette and begin to puff the one I confiscated.

“And I got just… so angry! I mean, how can one be such a slut?” she gestures on with wider moves.

“Well, a lot of girls just want to have fun and…”

“No, I’m talking about him! He’s got a girlfriend… who must be beautiful and smart and perfect and… “

“Wait, you don’t know anything about her…”

“That’s true but guys like him obviously wouldn’t date any girl…”

I’m dying to know what she means by “guys like him” but maybe this is not the right moment to ask it straightforwardly…

“But he didn’t do anything particular with that girl…” I try to defend him effortlessly.

“Were you there too? Because I was. And trust me, without my intervention, a lot more would have happened…”

“Wait, your intervention?” I perk my head but receive no response. “Judy??? What did you do?”

“I… I might have said her a few things… about Stone…” she confesses with burning cheeks.

“Things like…???” I claim a detailed explanation. Maybe she’s not as innocent this time as I thought…

“I told her things about… what he likes…” she answers reluctantly.

“Like beer or dogs or disco music or what the hell? Tell me the whole fuckin’ story or I leave, I swear!” I flare out at her.

“Things… he likes in… bed…”

Oh. The idea of Judy disclosing Stone’s bedroom secrets sounds dangerous enough to make me choose my words wisely.

“But you… you don’t know what kind of sex he likes… do you?”

“Jesus, of course I don’t, I don’t even want to think about the fact that that freak has sex at all! Jesus… not even in my worst nightmares…” she rolls her eyes staring in front of her.

“But then… how did you know…”

“I… used my… imagination…” she sums up with a brief shrug.

I’ve never heard a more euphemistic synonym for lying. “I used my imagination…” Wicked woman.

“Oh my… and what was your intention with that?”

“To make her reconsider her choice… and to defend Stone from her… you know, I wanted to help him getting out of this situation, guys just never have the strength... I basically did him a favor!”

Of course, Judy helping Stone. I could even imagine it but strictly only after the arrival of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

“Thinking back about the beginning of our conversation, he couldn’t be particularly grateful for the helping hand…”

“Well, the thing is that the nature of our relationship sort of… influenced my word usage…”

“Judy, I’ve known you since your birth, you don’t need to use vague sentences… just tell what you told her finally!”

“I told her he liked watching animals, I might have mentioned mating animals. For example, watching David Attenborough video tapes before he…”

“I get it, I get it… but that’s not that extreme, thank God you didn’t say he liked animal porn in which people do it with animals…”

“Maybe I mentioned further preferences too… maybe I said something about him liking eating from the girl’s body…”

“That can even be hot, a lot of people are into it, that’s not that bad at all, Judy…” I snicker.

“…unusual food… like bloody steak with Worcestershire sauce… with knife and fork…”

I immediately stop giggling and freeze because I have the sinister feeling she still has something to confess.

“Uhm… I thought you were talking about potentially erotic food like strawberry and whipped cream but in case the girl likes steak too…”

“…and it’s possible I said things about his… performance too…”

“Oh, no.”

“I remember mentioning… he needs, uhm, special actions to become… motivated.” she fidgets with her shoelaces absent-mindedly, wrapping them around her index fingers.

“Okay, whatever, go ahead, I’m prepared.” I cover my eyes with my hands as if they could prevent me from visualizing her bizarre ideas.

“As far as I can recall… I claimed his main turn-on was watching the girl doing her business…”

“You mean doing the business? Like… pleasing… herself?” I ask back since don’t want to believe what I heard.

“I said doing her business… on the toilet…” she repeats with a miserably groan, reddening and avoiding my gaze.

“Judy… you know I’m always ready to defend you from anything or anybody but… it’s no wonder Stone attacked you again.”

“No wonder? He deserved it! After all that bitching…”

“He deserved it? Helping hand, of course… you basically humiliated him in front of a girl!” I scold her trying to keep a serious face, which is not easy at all.

“Do you think I went too far?” she asks innocently with sincere concern. For a second, she turns back into the ten-year-old version of herself who was scared of everything and everyone and it costs me a lot of restraint not to hug her. “Anyway… thinking back… it was so funny, you should have seen the girl’s face.”

I admit, this is the most hilarious shit I’ve heard in the last few years and Stone does deserve some payback from time to time but I don’t want to confirm her behavior. I’m sticking on my plan about getting them to make up or at least to normalize their relationship.

“Judy…” I begin with a deep sigh “Most guys are very sensitive as for their masculinity and sexual abilities, even if they are not typical machos. When they are joking about themselves – that’s okay, a guy with a healthy amount of self-irony is usually considered funny or even attractive. If another guy teases them with sexual topics – they just fire back, with words or their fist. But if it’s a girl who makes fun of their performance – they just freak out, they can’t hit you, they can’t assert they are sex gods either, their only way to defend themselves is attacking back verbally and they try to be at least as rude as you were. Or even ruder.”

“Oh, please, Karrie, I don’t need to be lectured on the psychology of men. He didn’t even know what I said exactly, he wasn’t there of course.”

“But it was you who said he’s smart, he probably figured out the point of it, the chick didn’t seem to be a rocket scientist and she probably didn’t even realize she got in the middle of your death match…”

“Or he was just taking shots in the dark and had luck. Scully was there and Stone was about to torment him so that he would tell him everything word by word… poor dude… So everything will turn out, anyway. By the way, Stone immediately thinking that I’m the potential reason of him being refused by a girl is insulting but also flattering at the same time…”

“Judy, I’ve never denied that it’s pretty difficult to bear Stone’s remarks without saying a word. But getting a taste of his own medicine only gets him fired up all the more, he always wants to have the last word, he’s simply just like that. And if you want to be the quicker one and make his jaw really drop, you have to get your shit together. But to be honest, I’d be happier if you’d keep your quarrels on the level of innocent teasing…”

“It was already everything but innocent in that very moment he heard my name for the first time. It didn’t depend on me, it’s all his fault and he has to face the music at least once his lifetime!” she declares determined.

I better activate plan A as fast as possible before someone gets killed.

***

I can’t wait this terrible day finally come to an end. I just want to take a shower and have some sleep… but I don’t even know how I could get myself to close my eyes, this place is a mess. What if cockroaches come out of their hideouts in the second I turn off the lights? But I’m so tired… what if I asked the driver to open the tour bus for me? Sleeping in the bunk bed sounds definitely safer… but what if he’s already sleeping? I don’t even know his room number and the reception desk was empty too; I don’t feel like looking for the staff in this haunted house. I better start with a shower, it always helps clear my mind. I’m so busy with my own thoughts that I basically bump into Beth in the hallway who’s walking sleepily towards their room; she must be coming from the shower judging from her wet hair.

“Already back here? It wasn’t a long evening…” she mutters in a tired voice.

“I’ve had enough of it. Is everything okay?” I examine her resigned face.

“Yes… uhm… Ed was typing lyrics the whole evening and then he passed out… so I had a shower and I’m about to go to bed too.” she rubs her eyes. “Carefully with the water tap, I almost scalded myself due to that crap. It’s better to wait at least thirty seconds before standing under the water and be careful when you try to change the temperature, there’s not much transition between ice cold and scalding hot, I had to mess around a lot until I could find the optimal level.”

“If I can’t work it out, I’ll just shower with cold water, that wouldn’t be the first time.” I wave.

“Ugh, if you’re a masochist…”

“It’s not the most pleasant thing I can imagine but at least it’s not dangerous either. It can be even refreshing sometimes.”

“Oookay… as you want... And there are no hooks in the shower either, by the way. But no bugs there so far either… Good night!” she pats my shoulder with almost closed eyes and totters to their door.

As I unlock the door of our room, I reach in with one arm to turn on the light and wait for a few seconds before entering; I don’t want to see my little roommates running in the corners. I lift the blanket on my bed only to realize the bedclothes aren’t the cleanest and there’s no towel prepared for the guests. Thank goodness I didn’t listen to Effie when she tried to dissuade me from bringing my own one; she claimed hotels always offer towels and travel-size personal care products… So much for Effie’s assumptions. Of course I also brought my toiletry bag decorated with treble keys and musical notes containing small bottles of shower gel, body lotion, a tiny tube of toothpaste and… due to the foresight of Effie, my “emergency package” now includes also gratuitous amount of condoms that stare at me accusingly every time I unzip it. I decide to leave my clothes in the room since I don’t like when there’s no place where I could arrange them properly, I don’t want my sleeping shirt and boxers to get wet either. There’s no living soul here, no one would see me walking a few meters only wearing a towel…

But when I pull it out of my backpack, I realize there’s one thing I didn’t take into account: I brought a smaller towel to spare place for other clothes. As I wrap it around my body, I have to trick for a while until I can arrange it in a way that it covers both my chest and my backside at the same time. Since it’s not only narrow but also short, I can forget the ordinary method of walking, I can basically only waddle pressing both arms tight to my body without exposing anything. I try to exercise this ridiculous way of moving pacing back and forth between the two sides of the room a few times and I end up sitting back on the bed hesitating if I should dress up again. I’m at a public place, after all. But fuck it, I’m tired, I had tequila and this day can’t get any worse, anyway. I peek out to the hallway to make sure I won’t get unexpected company and I set off to cover the longest twenty meters in my life. In duckwalk. But my bravery pays off, I encounter no one so on entering the shower, I finally allow myself to relax.

I put the toiletry bag on the classroom chair in front of the sinks in the forefront and fish out the shower gel bottle. I leave my glasses on the bag and head towards the innermost compartments. I decide to hang my towel on the wall separating the opposite compartments and after turning on the water, immediately jump backwards to safe distance. Beth’s advice on the adjustment proves to be useful and a few minutes later, I’m already enjoying the pleasant, warm water. Of course I brought my favorite, rough sponge too, it always helps refresh my blood circulation.

I catch myself rubbing my body stronger and stronger as I involuntarily recall tonight’s events. What a prick. Of course he deserved everything, I don’t have to feel ashamed about anything. It was him who looked for trouble. His girlfriend would have felt terrible, if she’d seen that disgusting scene so I did the right thing. His huge ego just can’t accept, this time someone was smarter than him. It’s so pathetic when a man needs this cheap kind of confirmation to feel his masculinity ensured. But come on, Stone Gossard’s name referred in connection with manliness and masculinity is the most ridiculous idea in the world, he’s got the body and mind of a thirteen-year-old.

I turn off the water and spill a few drops of shower gel into my palm but as soon I touch my shoulder with it, I hear a noise. A squeaky noise. A squeaky noise of an opening door. Oh no. No, no, no. The smacking sound of slippers on the tiled floor leaves no doubts that I have a visitor and the lazy, shuffling steps are approaching. I pull in the corner and don’t even dare breathe, I’m shivering but not only of cold, shit, what if it’s a stranger? What if it’s a man? What if I make some noise only with my mere existence? I got trapped here naked and… The sound of steps ceases and the water starts running right in the shower cubicle next to mine. Luckily, the wall is high enough to hide me although I can’t check the other person without revealing my presence either. A few seconds have gone by when humming gets mixed into the sound of water… Oh shit, it’s a male voice. The humming slowly turns into singing and my blood runs cold when I realize: I know this nasal bleat.

“If you didn’t come to party, don’t bother knockin’ on my door…”

[bigskydreaming]

This is random but based on your last meta about NTT 55 and the abuse. I wonder if that punch Bruce gives Dick is the beginning of the Batman writers upping his violence onto the kids (Dick, Jason, Tim) and just never addressing it. So like beside sparing and moments of being drug/hallucinating has Bruce shown so much physical violence and anger to them before that issue/moment. Is that the beginning of Batman writers thinking an angry/aggressive/violent Bruce/Batman is popular and creates fans.

Technically speaking, I know it wasn’t the first time but to my knowledge all the prior instances were treated as like….y’know, either a product of being written fifty years ago and nobody thinking twice about Bruce smacking his ‘ward’ or else due to various mind control scenarios, etc. 

To be honest, my knowledge of early Batman and Robin stuff is more sporadic….I got into comics when I was ten, around ‘94, and Dick was one of my instant favorites who I latched onto immediately and had to know everything about….but my introduction to him was as Nightwing, and in his new solo series and the Titans books so everything else I kinda caught up on just to have more stories with him. And since it was him as Nightwing that I was drawn to specifically, there’s a lot of early stuff when he was still Robin that I never really dove into in depth. 

I mean, new content that was being produced at the time and just was a flashback look at him as Robin, I ate all of that up (lol nostalgia does have a lot to do with my fondness for R:YO and Annual that did my preferred retelling of his origin). But yeah, its not accurate to say he didn’t interest me as Robin, per se, more just that like….there’s only so far back I could go before the earlier written stories just weren’t quite what I was looking for.

So for specifics on any earlier instances, I would look to @northoftheroad or @internal-ethics for that, as their knowledge of Dick and Bruce’s pre-Crisis days far exceeds my own.

But no, to the best of my knowledge, there was nothing before that which came even close to being like it in tone or scope.

I think its more this was symptomatic of the writers shifting to a more grim and gritty Batman, rather than that developing in the aftermath of scenes like this one. Like I mean, I don’t think that scene created a turning point in how writers depicted Bruce’s dynamics, so much as it was the result of writers in the aftermath of that turning point having already been reached. 

It was the zeitgeist, you know? Personally, I blame Frank Miller for a lot, as he spawned a ton of imitators who saw what a hit he produced with his take on Bruce and I think a lot of writers just hoped that a similar take would net them a similar reception. But to be fair, its not like it was just him, since the only reason he even was a huge hit in the first place is that his Batman resonated with what a lot of people were looking for at the time.

Like, Tim still living at home and then with his dad still being alive for a decade after he first appeared…it wasn’t an accidental divergence from the first two Robins being orphans that Bruce took in and made family….it was part of the point of Tim. There is a tendency IMO (and I’m guilty of it too) to get so focused on the in-universe dynamics and character choices that we forget at times that none of these characters do anything other than what the writers write with intent, and Tim’s origin was a product of that. 

He wasn’t written as initially having more of a strict partnership or mentor/protégé relationship with Bruce as opposed to the familial structured ones Dick and Jason had, like…..I just mean….that wasn’t the result of Bruce keeping him at arm’s length at first because of his grief after Jason’s death. Its more the other way around. That character choice, for Bruce to keep him at arm’s length, and Tim having an origin that allowed for Bruce to do that as Tim didn’t live with him or need to be around him as often as Dick and Jason had….all of that was the product of DC and the writers wanting a less familial relationship between them, initially. Because it was all part and parcel of the whole “I don’t do family, I have allies and that’s it, I am grim and brooding and alone and I like it that way except also I don’t like anything, how’s that for a riddle, Nygma.” *waves hand at the previous* Y’know. That bullshit.

Like….a huge part of why Jason was so insular to the Batman franchise and had so few friends among the superhero community and made so few appearances in other titles like Titans….you can explain that any number of ways in-universe, but ultimately that goes back to the fact that DC didn’t want to ‘lose’ another Robin to another book the way Dick eventually migrated over to being more associated with the Titans in the 80s than with Batman. Again, its not like that wasn’t an editorial choice too….they’re the reason Dick was kept away from the Bat titles, its more like….

Here, let me lay it out like this. Basically, as far as I’ve ever understood and interpreted it, it goes like this:

Dick and his group of Titans become successful in their own right, making the Titans a new separate and successful franchise in and of itself, independent of their mentors….and being the face of the Titans, DC wants Dick more strongly associated with the Titans so they create in-story reasons for Dick to stop being Robin and to come up with a new identity that’s more associated with Dick Grayson: leader of the Titans than with Dick Grayson: ward and partner of the Batman. 

And initially, there was no real conflict between Bruce and Dick about this, they were on good terms, Dick gave Robin to Jason himself….because Dick’s departure wasn’t the inevitable result of character conflicts or some narrative reason that he had to be limited just to the Titans instead of still being a steady presence in Batman’s book….rather, it was all just made to allow for DC to keep two of their franchises separate and distinct from each other, because they didn’t want to cross-pollinate and make the success of each franchise linked to or even dependent on the other one.

And Jason was just as much a product of these decisions. Jason didn’t have a lot of ties to other books because Bruce kept him so decisively by his side, nor did he and Dick not appear together a lot because they disliked each other or didn’t have a relationship….rather, all of that IMO was an end result of the DC editorial decision to have a Robin who was almost exclusively linked to Batman in readers’ minds, with no clear, visible ties to other books or franchises that would result in him being anything other than one half of the Dynamic Duo.

(And personally, I’ve always thought this is where they really screwed up with Jason and his stories. DC claimed to want to kill Jason off because readers didn’t like him, which isn’t quite as factual a claim as has been indicated at times….but regardless….DC failed to factor in that perhaps why Jason wasn’t as popular as Dick or found as compelling by readers at the time was that DC didn’t prioritize…..giving Jason his own distinct identity and presence aside from just being Bruce’s sidekick. 

Its like, DC wanted to make another Robin because Dick was so well-received, but Dick’s popularity meant eventually there was reader demand for him beyond what Batman’s book could allow for while still be focused on Batman, ergo Dick was moved elsewhere and Batman got a new Robin……who DC accidentally sabotaged from day one by deciding they wanted a Robin whose purpose was to be part of Batman’s narrative….failing to recognize that a character without a clear narrative of his own….is never going to be as interesting or compelling as others who are allowed to exist independently of their mentor).

And THEN came the zeitgeist shift. The gradual, tonal shift of reader priorities and interests (or at least, as DC interpreted them), with DC shifting their own priorities around in order to better capitalize on what they felt would be most profitable in the newer social climate. As far as they seemed to think, what readers really wanted were brooding, violent anti-heroes who were solitary and needed no one….which doesn’t really fit either Bruce Wayne: Family Man, or Bruce Wayne: Has Strong Ties to Others Outside his Franchise which Makes Them Strong Allies.

Hence, the retcon of Dick being fired from Robin instead of moving onto another identity by his own choice…..so that Dick’s reasons for not being present in the Bat franchise would be more due to emotional estrangement, thus validating the image that Bruce was (mostly) on his own, and that was the way he preferred or thought he needed it. 

And then when Crisis allowed for a ton of possibilities in changing character backstories and even natures, DC made huge changes to Jason’s character….making him the grim, gritty ‘darker’ sidekick that was a better tonal fit for the darker Dark Knight they wanted to promote, and simultaneously doubling down on Dick’s own estrangement by compounding Bruce’s errors with him, as he gave Robin to Jason without asking and gave Dick all the more reason to feel he didn’t have a place there and to stay away.

And herein lies the danger of allowing your audience (or your perception of your audience and their wants) dictate your story-telling, rather than just letting your writers tell their damn stories without you constantly trying to make it a paint by numbers scenario and get more bang for your buck.

Because only a year or so after making huge changes to Jason’s character and basically re-envisioning him from the ground up, DC still felt that Robin wasn’t as well liked or as popular with readers as they wanted him to be….shockingly, I mean considering that if you think your readers only want dark heroes oozing over with violence and barely suppressed wrath, I don’t know how you convinced yourselves Robin was ever going to fit into that paradigm without re-envisioning Robin, rather than Jason himself.

Like, you can make the sidekick of your would-be dark, gloomy antihero as angry and violent as you want….but if at the end of the day, he’s still decked out in a costume that’s meant to be cheerful and fun, with no change from the iconic look that for decades now has been associated with a playful, mischievous counter-balance to the Dark Knight’s dourness….

Basically, no one’s going to go home happy is all I’m saying. DC was never going to get the success they wanted from that, because they shot themselves in the foot from the get go by wanting it both ways. The name and image recognition and built-in audience that comes from a reputation and public awareness that took literally decades to establish…..at the exact same time they wanted that very same character to be popular with the =readers they thought didn’t want the kind of content largely associated with Robin..

(IMO they could have actually gotten closer to what they wanted and killed two birds with one stone by like….building up Jason with his own distinct identity and narratives….which in turn could have led into Jason deciding Robin wasn’t the right fit for his own mission and reasons for being at Batman’s side, and thus building his own persona and mantle distinct to him just like Robin was distinct to Dick….but for the time being, still being Batman’s sidekick. If DC weren’t so insistent on it being Batman and Robin or nothing….they could have had Batman and someone else…whose new name and mantle could have been more along the lines of whatever they felt better conveyed the grittiness they wanted to sell via the Bat franchise.)

But anyway, so then Jason is killed off, with the in-story reasons really just being the cause and effect mapping of DC’s actual editorial direction to make Bruce fit the idea they’d built up in their own heads of what people really wanted Batman to be….

And yet bizarrely, they still didn’t wind up happy with the results. Apparently, Robin itself wasn’t the issue, just as Jason himself had never really been the issue. And once again, barely a year or two later….

They created Tim, but they still weren’t giving up on their obsession with this lonely, brooding Bruce who needed no one and coincidentally had no one…so they made sure to keep clear boundaries in place, initially. This is Bruce’s student, not his son, they were insistent. Just so everyone’s clear. See? He has his own dad. He even hires an actor to play his uncle when his dad is in a coma, just to keep CPS off his back because he knows Bruce would just take him in himself if that happened, and that’s not what Tim wants see, because Tim has his own dad, he doesn’t want Bruce to be his dad, ergo there is no danger of Bruce being paternal and affectionate and having *gulp* feelings. Of the positive variety.

And incidentally, well, not incidentally at all, since my whole point is all of this is always the result of clear, deliberate writing choices made to match editorial directives……regardless of the in-story explanations of Tim being so much more independent and operating solo so much more than his predecessors, like….because Bruce spent so much time brooding and being unapproachable and Tim needed more stimuli, what’s a bored superhero in-training to do, y’know….

Well, aside from all that, there’s also the factor that Tim was so much more independent than his predecessors had been while Robin because a) DC at least had learned from their mistake in not allowing Jason to have much of an identity of his own, b) the rapid expansion of both Marvel and DC in the early nineties, following what they called a speculators’ boom (basically both companies convinced themselves comics were about to be worth their weight in gold because a bunch of speculators had taken to buying up issues they thought would be worth a ton in the future, all pretty much due to the fact that some guy managed to sell a rare, first edition of X-Men #1 for a shit ton of money. Comic book companies are stupid. Have I expressed that enough in this one single post? LOL).

Anyway, so b) due to the rapid expansion of both the Big Two, DC was pumping out a ton more books than they had previously, which meant they had room for both a Nightwing solo book and a Robin solo book, so a huge part of the perception of Tim’s independence stems completely from the fact that he had a book to showcase these independent adventures in, without Batman or another team like the Titans being present (and still the priority).

(Which again, like. I’m always insisting that just because we didn’t see much of Dick and Jason bonding or hanging out on page before Jason died, didn’t mean it didn’t happen - just that there was no place to put scenes like this that didn’t involve either Batman or the other Titans, given that those were the only two titles they appeared in. Similarly, there’s no reason to assume Dick and Jason didn’t both go off on their own at times between issues and have adventures on their own or investigate stuff at their schools or any of the stuff Tim did in his solo title…..its literally just that before there was a solo Robin title to show Robin having solo adventures……the only place for these things to happen was…..off the page).

Bottom line, everything about Tim was constructed from the get go to be as unthreatening to the idea of a dark, repressed, brooding Batman as it was possible to get while still being Robin.

And yet…..even that didn’t last, weirdly. As over time, editors and writers desperately seeking the secret ingredient that would make this franchise really gel with readers the way they so desperately wanted it too…..over time, various someones stumbled into getting away with scenes where Alfred, Bruce, Dick and Tim still managed to be warm and familial with each other regardless of all that…

And shockingly, someone at some point figured out: Eureka! Readers love this!

So they doubled down, as they usually do, the second there’s profit in the air because yay capitalism…..

And thus its again, regardless of in-story justifications….

Not remotely a coincidence that Dick’s adoption, Cassandra’s creation and clear trajectory to being included in the Batfamily either officially or unofficially, Bruce’s initial offer of adoption to Tim even though Tim wouldn’t actually accept until years later, our time…..

Like, there’s a reason that all of these things happened in basically a five year period, real time…..even though prior to this, new additions to the Batfam, let alone official inductions, were more like a once every ten years kinda thing.

For a brief window, DC figured out the magic formula for writing a family is writing them as a family, and hark, ‘twas a blessed sight indeed.

And then someone was like, hey, y’know what’s missing? What if we bring Jason back?!

…….and then DC managed to pretty much wreck every progress they’d made towards having a brain, as they fucked that up in the most spectacular fashion possible by completely missing the point of why or in what ways readers most likely would want the missing and dead member of this family to show up alive and well.

*headdesk*

And over the years since then, the kids’ various official statuses have shifted left or right without rhyme or reason, following the whims of every new writer or editor to think: Eureka! I’ve done it! I’ve cracked the code! With frequent reversions to Bruce the Brooding Billionaire Bastard, loads of Not Good Parenting and downright abusive behavior, and a shit load of confusing contradictions.

Meanwhile, me, sitting here:

“Hey DC, maybe the problem is that you just can’t shove something like “adopted a gaggle of gremlins” into the bottle after uncorking that and letting readers see that its out there and a possibility…..so what if you just fucking committed to the one and only thing that’s managed to net you a positive reception every time you do this same dumb song and dance routine: actual family acting like actual family, actually.”

Anyway, how’s that for yet another 

“How did Kalen’s Post Get From Point A to Side Tangent Z, Section 4f, Sub-Paragraph D13?”

[dapperkobold]

Rate the Monsters: Alien Bestiary

Why yes, I already reviewed this, but I wasn’t happy with the review. I’ve thought about it, and I’ve concluded why: no one buys monster books for the BOOK. They buy them for the MONSTERS.

So, here’s a different take: I’m going to be rating the monsters based on how they’re presented in the book, on a few different measurements:

Presentation: The image and description of the monster, to make sure everyone knows what it actually IS. You laugh, but we’ve had trouble with that before.

Mechanics: Less intended to be a measure of how balanced the numbers are, more intended to be a measure of how the monster’s abilities will affect an encounter.

Lore: Lore is a measure of the writing about the monster. Note that this is limited to the writing in this particular work! If this book doesn’t really present a monster compellingly, that’s a problem. Especially if the monster is more intriguing in other works!

Roleplay: If you want something more complex than a good fight, something where the players need to talk their way through the situation, this is where you’re going to look. This is going to be related to Lore and Mechanics, but can be more complex depending on the monster’s precise nature. This is also the least impactful one if it gets a low grade: not every monster should be able to disassemble you philosophically before it disassembles you physically. Sure, mindless undead will all score Fs here, but this isn’t what mindless undead are used for. This is counting not only direct interactions with players, but possible impact on campaigns just from the raw mechanics and fluff presented.

This is inspired by Esper the Bard’s Monster Ranking videos for 5e, credit where it’s due. This kind of analysis is a really good way to measure the basic usefulness of monsters, specifically as they’re presented in specific material.

A few notes before I continue:

1. I don’t give points for historical significance, good intentions, or supplementary material. This is a rating of these monsters as presented in this book, nothing more, nothing less. Some of these monsters date back to olden D&D, some of them have been done wonderfully other places. I’m not rating those; I’m rating these monsters as they are here, in this book.

2. Anyone can make something interesting if they’re creative enough. This is less a full measure of the potential of the monsters, and more a measure of the potential of the monsters as they’re presented. A clever enough DM can make anything compelling, but for less lateral thinkers out there, the writing in the books are what they have to work with.

And since there so darn many aliens in this book, for now we’ll just do A.

Aballonian

Ohhh... this is not a good start...

Presentation: The description and image are both pretty generic. A copper robot with multiple legs? Okay. Nothing to imply their special abilities or stand out at all. Grade F

Mechanics: Okay! There’s a lot of special abilities here! A weakness... a limiter on the weakness... communication ability with a very minor upside... a special attack that doesn’t have any damage or effect listed? Defensive ability that has potential but doesn’t clarify the wording... and one variable effect. This is just a mess, I get that it’s supposed to be flexible (including the ability to change abilities with a full-round action) but this set of mechanics doesn’t really suggest any kind of interaction or particular play style. GRADE F

Lore: There’s no lore listed!

Which is dumb, because I know the lore! These are supposed to be the native life form to Albion in the Pathfinder setting! Why didn’t they at least TRY to explain it? GRADE! F!

Roleplay: IT HAS NO LORE LISTED, HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO ROLEPLAY IT? GRADE F F F F F this is making me seriously reconsider my analysis of this book’s capabilities!

Aboleth

Presentation: While the Description is fine, the picture is lackluster. Grade C

Mechanics: Using a mix of manipulative spell-like abilities and surprisingly powerful attacks an Aboleth has potential to be a fairly tough encounter. Charm monster can make it an ally, followed by doing solid damage with normal attacks and the occasional spell level 2 mind thrust. However! I had to calculate that mind thrust is cast as a second-level spell, it’s not stated. The main limiter is that with univeral environment suits, the threats of aboleths forcing you to breathe water or gooping your skin is far less immediate. Still, might have potential if there’s some way to break that armor! Grade B-

Lore: A description of Aboleths scouting, conquering, and then leaving planets to rot? It’s the grimdark realization of the quiet horror that we always knew Aboleths could be! Grade A-!

Roleplay: With a spell list made for interaction (at will detect lies, for instance!), good mental stats, and the lore touching on their psychology, society, and motivations, there isn’t much more you could ask for in Roleplaying opportunities. Grade A.

Aboleth, Veiled Master

It’s a CR 14 Aboleth. GET IN.

Presentation: Has no dedicated picture, and the text description really doesn’t sell me on what kind of emotions seeing it is supposed to illicit. Grade D+.

Mehcanics: Yes, it’s an upscaled Aboleth, but it’s upscaled in a creative way. Suggestion, illusion spells, dominate person bolstered by a special ability, 3rd-leve mind thrust at will and a bite attack that lets it READ MINDS. This thing wants an entourage, to mind control the party heavy, and then blow people’s heads apart with mind thrust, with support from illusions and some suggestion to keep things interesting. Also, it shapeshifts. Grade B+

Lore: It’s an Aboleth that disguises itself as a person to manipulate events in the world. Repeat, it’s a CR 14 Aboleth whose entire job is to manipulate a society without said society ever knowing it. It even touches on their place in Aboleth society. Grade A.

Roleplay: It’s an aboleth, with +25 bluff, sense motive +30, and the ability to shapeshift into any small or medium form. If that doesn’t immediately make the players among you shudder in fear and the DMs among you cackle internally, I don’t know what will. Grade A+. Excellent big bad potential, just like Aboleths were always meant to be.

Achaierai

Presentation: The Achaierai has a really bad case of presentation separation. The pictures look derpy, the description tries to be intimidating, and both massively undersell the fact that the thing is constantly oozing acidic smoke. Grade C.

Mechanics: The Achaierai is a fairly straightforward fighter, with solid melee attacks, a passable ranged attack, a breath weapon with some unique rules and an aura of black smoke. The breath weapon not only damages but confuses the target, with a DC 13 save to end that could in theory last indefinitely. The aura itself is a basic damage aura, tied to the low save of DC 13. While it has solid ideas, I’m not sure its powers stand out all that well: DC 13 is in line with the proper DC for a CR 5 monster using abilities that need saves, but all the same a DC13 save is pretty negligible and even rolling every round the penalty for failure isn’t all that high. The breath weapon is a 40 foot cone, but anyone making the DC 13 ref save takes no damage. It doesn’t have enough to be an interesting encounter in and of itself, and even as part of a greater encounter if the dice don’t favor it its unique aspects might be entirely ignored. Grade C.

Lore: The Achaierai’s lore confuses me. Sure, the core idea is cool: A four legged bird monster thing that emits acid smoke. The thing that gets me? It’s an outsider. A native to hell. Why? It would work fine as a magical beast. As a native to hell, it’s immediately near the bottom of the respect pole as a monster that does acid damage in a place where a lot of creatures are resistant to acid damage. I guess I should be happy that it’s more than just another strange magical beast monster but… I’m not. I really feel it would have made more sense as a magical beast. Grade C.

Roleplay: It’s got Wis +2, Cha +3, and speaks infernal. With that said, the lore doesn’t at all list anything that it might want to talk about, or any kind of social structure other than that it has packs. Grade D.

Adamantine Wasp Swarm

Presentation: Wasps made of metal? Cool. The problem is that while it’s a swarm of fine creatures, the flavor text says that each wasp is 1 foot long several times. I assume this is a misprint, and it’s supposed to be one inch long. Other than that, nothing all that incredible. Grade D.

Mechanics: Not all that much. It’s mainly just swarm immunity plus construct immunity plus a special venom on its attacks. The venom is interesting, it turns the target into ice, but that in and of itself isn’t explained in the lore nor condusive of an entertaining, interactive fight scene. They don’t even have DR like would be typical of things made of Adamantine. Grade C-.

Lore: The lore uses a lot to not say a lot. It mentions that they’re made to guard areas, like all constructs, and then goes on at length about how they’re wasps. Grade D.

Roleplaying: To no one’s surprise, there’s no reason to try and talk to the wasps. No, not every monster needs to provide good roleplay opportunities, but all the same it’s worth noting when they’re not present. However, mindless monsters… there’s no reason to expect them to have roleplay opportunities. So for those I’ll waive the grade.

Adherer

What’s up with adherers? Seriously? Why? I feel like back when there was one monster book they would have been a good old skool joke enemy. You know, the kind of thing where the joke punishes predictable adventuring habits and is immediately lethal. But why are they treated as a classic enemy? Flumphs have more lore and mechanics than adherers do!

Presentation: Eh? The picture is nice, but adherers always look stupid. Always. Grade D.

Mechanics: It’s a basic grapple brute. You know the type, attack, free grapple, beat the tar out of the grappled enemy. Adherers have the perk of being able to grapple on the enemy’s turn, but it’s not really going to cause a more complex series of interactions. Ranged attacks with beat them. Magic will beat them. Even melee combat can beat them if they take enough fire damage on a consistent basis! Grade D. Adherers are literally a joke. Making a memorable combat encounter using adherers is indicative of amazing GM skill, not anything innate to the monster’s mechanics.

Lore: Grade F. It’s the kind of token lore that raises more questions than answers.

Roleplaying: Grade D-. It has an int of -3, somehow speaks Aklo, and has no complex motivations nor society to speak of.

Aetherwarped

Presentation: An interesting picture and the visual elements of the templates description are effective enough. Grade B.

Mechanics: As a template, it must be kept in mind that these mechanics are in addition to other things. As thus, a blindsense variant, a strange mobility power, and a basic ranged attack aren’t all that solid of a foundation. They’re interesting by all means, but it doesn’t give the altered creature a new or definite spin on their combat style. Grade C.

Lore: It’s fine. Exposure to aether radition over time, a reliance on it, appreciation for music, it’s a bit token but not objectionable. Grade C.

Roleplaying: As a template… it doesn’t really add any roleplaying potential. The reliance on radiation might, but it also take a fair amount away. Grade D.

Akata

It’s not as good as the variant in the Alien Archive 2.

Presentation: Fine? Eh. Grade B.

Mechanics: A basic brute with a minor disease, it lacks the depth of mechanics that the official version has. Has an Alpha Akata that’s just a CR2 version. Grade D.

Lore: The most predictable variation of the parent trope, they’re alien animals that want to reproduce parasitically and make zombies as an in-between step. The problem is that they don’t have the cunning of the original alien, and at CR 1 they’re not really the most dangerous creatures. The lore says that outbreaks of Akatas can become big problems, but CR 1 or 2 monsters that reproduce through a special ability with a fort save of 10? Seriously, the local law enforcement or monster hunters need to be weak and incompetent to not take these things on. If they were CR 5, that would be one thing. But here, they’re CR 1. Grade C-.

Roleplaying: They’re dumb animals. As in, literally, they’re at int -4 putting them at animalistic intelligence, but they also don’t have any kind of social structure and no sense of self-preservation. So, not only are they animals, they’re particularly stupid ones. Grade F.

Akata Host

It has the same grades as the Akata. It’s just the zombie stage between the infection and the chest-bursting. They can do some strength damage, and on a CR ½ monster that is worth note. Just not enough to make a difference. Seriously, chryssalids are scary. These things? They’re just weak.

Alchemical Ooze Swarm

Here’s a CR 1 monster worth remembering!

Presentation: Though the image is a bit confusing, the description of a riotous mass of bubblelike oozes is very well done. It even has a consistent description of the size of the component parts. Grade B.

Mechanics: Making good use of the swarm type, the Viscous and Chemical Slime abilities add both mechanics and flavor to the swarm. Enemies hit by the swarm’s attacks can be entagled, and then start to suffer additional effects based on the chemical compounds in the oozes. It’s a very interesting idea, and though I feel the DC is way too low at 10 or 11 it has potential to be a memorable dungeon hazard or a part of a greater encounter. In addition, what secondary effect the swarm has also affects the swarm’s weaknesses and resistances. This means that the monster can be used multiple times without being too easy for the players to cheese, while still following an internal logic that the players might be able to learn and use. If anything, I feel it’s a shame this is wasted on a CR 1 monster! I’m definitely going to upscale this at some point. Grade A+!

Lore: It’s a basic ecological aesop, but the idea itself is worth some respect. The explanation to why there’s four different variants works well enough, and it gives the entire thing a feeling of slightly comical menace. If you play even a little loose with the lore, there’s lots of ways this swarm can be used in stories. Grade B.

Roleplay: Mindless.

Allip

Presentation: My response to the picture and description is a deadpan ‘ok.’ It’s not really the most evocative of description in any case, but it works. C-.

Mechanics: Babble plus touch of madness isn’t a bad setup. Definitely more made to seriously inconvenience the party than actually be a solid threat, could be better as part of a larger encounter or as rescource-stucking filler. Certainly unique, and the Madness ability is a nice fluffy addition. B.

Lore: Coming back from the dead for vengeance isn’t really a compelling story in D&D/Pathfinder/Starfinder. Half the undead want vengeance, and Allips are no exception. This is honestly just ‘exists’ lore: It opens no awkward questions, but it also doesn’t answer any interesting questions. C-.

Roleplay: It has Int +1 and Cha +4, but its entire thing is that its crazy. It’s not technically a mindless undead, but in some ways it might as well be. D-.

Amalgamite Swarm

It’s like grey goo, but big enough to punch.

Presentation: Pretty solid. Nothing to really send home about, but hey. B.

Mechanics: Interesting. A little ranged attack, a stealth ability, and a common combat feat adapted to work for a swarm. There’s clearly thought put in here, and it should all result in a very interesting back-and-forth. A.

Lore: Eh, it’s not quite generic. A little bit of extra thought put in. Nothing amazing, but I appreciate the effort. B.

Roleplay: Mindless.

Amerta

This is another monster I think is an original, made to go with the specific Aetheria setting.

Presentation: Neat. Gives an idea of the thing’s scale and has fair detail even if the design itself is a little simplistic. B.

Mechanics: It’s a Colossal CR 18 monster with a mix of melee damage, a breath weapon, and some utility-focused spell like abilities. There’s some creativity here, but nothing that really makes me jump. B.

Lore: It mentions details specific to the setting, but the basic idea isn’t hard to get. I will say that I think it leans on historical significance more than current-day significance, which can make it difficult to integrate into campaigns in interesting ways. B.

Roleplay: It has telepathy and can talk to plants, and there’s a seed of it in the Lore, but nothing that really grabs me. C+.

Amoeba

This entry is the giant amoeba and the amoeba swarm, but I’ll rate them together to save us all time.

Presentation: Eh? Not much to see, not much to say. Not ugly. C-.

Mechanics: These two creatures are basically two versions of the same one, one’s a generic swarm and the other is a generic small ooze. Literally, I can’t find anything special about them. Also, the giant amoeba references the ‘constrict’ universal rule, but at the time of this writing (before Alien Archive 3 comes out) there is no such rule! F.

Lore: None of note. Seriously, I’m impressed how little is communicated here. F.

Roleplay: It’s a mindless ooze.

Animated Object

I feel like this entry is unfitting as either the original idea of the animated object, a Starfinder implementation for the animated object, or the implementation for the enemies actually presented in the book.

Presentation: The description is meh, and the image is amazing up until you realize it’s out of scale with the sizes in the state blocks. And one of the things has no image or personalized description at all. D+

Mechanics: Presented here in the Animated Object blurb is not generic stat blocks usable for various animated objects, but instead two specific animated objects that could have worked perfectly well as robots. And they’re both boring. One has con damage attached to its grappling, the other has trample. D-.

Lore: No fluff text. F.

Roleplay: Mindless.

Ankheg

Presentation: The description is a little generic, and the image is derpy-looking. D.

Mechanics: The idea is that it’s a bite n’ grab monster, with a bite attack that also does acid damage. However, it has an area attack that disables the bite attack’s acid damage when used. Sound interesting enough? Yeah, it doesn’t work as written. The damage is listed as “P & A,” so even parts piercing and acid. The deactivation clause in the Spit Acid ability says that it loses out on the “additional acid damage”, which leaves it unclear how much the damage is reduced. Is it halved after rolling? This could work, but it’s not made clear in the text: when I read that I expected to see something like “+1d8 A”, clearly differentiating the additional damage. Also, the bite attack has the burn critical effect, which reflects things bursting into flames. Even if you replace that with the corrode effect, the rules text doesn’t say to remove it with the acid spit. The monster simply does not operate as intended and needs another pass. F.

Lore: The lore text is effective enough, but has some mechanical notes in it that don’t fit in the fluff text well. They really should either be included in the stat block somewhere or left vague, how they make their tunnels doesn’t matter as long as it happens off-camera, right? C-.

Roleplaying: Normally, as a non-social monster, I’d just flub it. However! It’s specifically mentioned that it could be used as a mount, and its temperament as a mount, meaning it could indirectly affect another role play encounter in an interesting manner. C-.

Aoandon

Presentation: The description and picture are interesting. There’s enough flourishes and detail to intrigue, with a little bit of artistic flair. Hm! A.

Mechanics: It’s got touch of madness, a suite of nasty spell-like abilities, constant true seeing, and it’s incorporeal. Intriguing, no? Not the most outstanding of mechanics, but could still pose a reasonable threat. C+.

Lore: So, it looks like a hologram, it has a touch of madness, and it casts spell like abilities. Just what is… the Aoandon? I’m gonna read it!

“An aoandon is an incorporeal outsider formed from the spirit of a woman who died pursuing some ill-fated relationship.”

...what?

Dead people don’t form outsiders! They form undead! Why isn’t it undead? Native outsiders are a wonky bunch in any case, but this is literally an undead blurb! It doesn’t discuss her combat style at all, it’s literally just the undead hatred against those who wronged her! F!

Roleplaying: I don’t care that it speaks 5 languages and it has Int and Cha +4. It’s just another undead that hates stuff. D-.

Asquenti

Presentation: The description is good enough, but the image really doesn’t sell the ‘Tauric crustacean’ idea. To the point that I don’t think the artist knew what it meant. C-.

Mechanics: Seem effective enough. The ability descriptions could have used another pass to better clarify the abilities and fit to the standard style of monster entries. A skilled editor was really needed here. C-.

Lore: Eh, nothing amazing, nothing bad. Just enough to keep it from feeling hollow, but nothing really that stands out. C.

Roleplaying: There’s certainly potential here, but we don’t get into their culture enough to really spark the imagination. C.

Assassin Vine

Presentation: The picture doesn’t mesh with the description at all. D.

Mechanics: Nothing too startling, though I’m not sure how the entangling plants aura is supposed to work. I’m also unsure if keeping the resistances from the original was a good idea; in Starfinder, it’s possible that a party could have no physical damage at all (if unlikely) making energy resistance/immunity more powerful. C-.

Lore: Eh? It’s fine. C.

Roleplaying: Mindless.

Asteroid Worm

Presentation: A full splash page illustration and a description that causes me to feel actual emotions. A+.

Mechanics: The worm’s gimmick is effectively that it’s a larger than colossal enemy, and whoever wrote this entry sells it really well. The abilities are straightforward enough and still do what they set out to do, while giving the DM amazing chances for description. I’m unsure how well this monster would work as a straight fight, but it would make a wonderful set piece. A+.

Lore: It’s got it. It’s effective enough, if not really riveting. C+.

Roleplaying: Mindless. There’s a lot of these in this book, huh?

Atoth

Presentation: Both description and image are sufficiently spectacular. A+.

Mechanics: Well… this is very interesting. The idea is that when someone uses teleportation or the like, this monster shunts the target into a pocket dimension where it uses a mix of melee attacks with Con drain and some basic spell-like abilities to murder them. It’s the kind of thing that a good chunk of a campaign can be based around, especially since the range is one million miles. How far is that? Easily enough to cover one planet and its moons, but not enough to cover multiple planets (I checked). The fight looks interesting, and part of me wishes it was slightly lower CR so I might be able to run it sometime. A.

Lore: Hm, some points docked for the hungry undead trope, but it has a unique enough situation that connects to a different monster in the book. It’s pretty okay, but I would have liked to see more about how it operates. B.

Roleplaying: The primary appeal here is not as roleplay with it, but instead to roleplay around it. Imagine a world terrified to use teleportation because then the Atoth will get you. I definitely think there’s potential there! C+.

Aurumvorax

Presentation: Good picture, and the description isn’t bad. B+.

Mechanics: Very durable, and the setup is one I recognize from Pathfinder monsters: Natural attack with Grab, into Rake. The problem is that Starfinder doesn’t have Rake as a universal monster rule, and instead of adding it in manually the creator didn’t give them anything. This neuters the entire setup, the Aurumvorax can still do more bites to keep the grapple but it doesn’t get that sweet bonus Rake damage. C.

Lore: It’s the same as usual. An angry, heavy, badger-like thing that chews gold and fools. A few interesting notes. A-.

Roleplaying: A nice little mention that they can be trained if they’re picked up young, giving them a little bit of potential. D+.

Azaka

Another group that I’m going to all lump together, but this one is new. To me, at least.

Presentation: There’s a definite shared theme, good art, fair descriptions. A-.

Mechanics: The Hive Mind is an interesting take on the mechanic of the hive mind, and the mechanics of the creatures themselves seem effective enough. The Thoughtseeker is a caster, and the Warrior is a combatant, and both have fitting abilities. A-.

Lore: Hm, interesting enough, but very connected to the specific setting they’re made for. No real context on why and when they interact with the rest of the universe. B.

Roleplay: The hive mind is smart, but they’re just angry zerg-like creatures that want to enslave others and eat radioactive rocks. Not a lot to really RP with. D-.

Final Thoughts

This has been a trip. Some great examples, some absolute failures, a few great endgame monsters, a great CR1 monster, and this is only the first letter of the alphabet. Hit and miss, by all means, and an unusual amount of mindless creatures, but not really a super good claim toward or away from buying the book. This is a mixed bag, and for some people the good will be enough to make it worth it.

[seriousfic]

Elseworlds

Well, Tumblr isn’t dead yet and the CW-DC just did a big crossover, so I think it’s time to make fun of the CW........ for the last time.

Did you know Tim Allen actually ended Home Improvement after season 8 because he knew the show couldn’t maintain its level of quality and was on the way downhill? Tim Allen has more creative integrity than anyone involved in the making of Supernatural. Think about that.

Anyhoo, lots to digest! Largely, this crossover felt to me weirdly lackluster and obligatory, like the whole thing was just a trailer for the oncoming Crisis on Infinite Earths crossover. It just felt unambitious, which is the last thing an ‘event’ like this should feel like. In fact, it felt a little like I imagine the result would be of filming a bunch of people playing DC Universe Online. We visit Smallville and see Lois Lane! We go to Gotham and meet Batman...’s cousin, and fight a breakout at Arkham Asylum, complete with Mr. Freeze...’s gun and the Scarecrow...’s fear gas. Then, we wrap the whole thing up with an Evil Superman, because God knows, DC never gets bored of that.

-Petty nitpick department: Batwoman just standing around on rooftops looks weird. Not only does it give the odd impression that she’s spent the entire time between episodes just, uh, standing, but c’mon--you’re supposed to crouch. Or at least hunch. Everybody knows that!

-Weirdly missed opportunity to have Ollie do the Flash narration, considering all the other opening narrations are futzed with.

-The whole thing is pretty much a glorified body swap--Stephen Amell is playing Barry Allen and vice versa. I can see how TPTB would be too pressed for time to explain a whole ‘nother continuity where Barry Allen became Green Arrow and Oliver Queen became the Flash, but still, it’s not as much fun.

-They also wholeheartedly borrow the thing of Ollie having to be happy to use Barry’s powers and Barry having to be mad to use Ollie’s ‘powers’ from the episode of Teen Titans where Raven and Starfire switched bodies. So, I guess, congratulations on making the central plot point of your crossover the same as a half-hour episode of a children’s cartoon.

-Remember that time Barry was too happy and too confident in his abilities, so his dad died?  

-They got a good actress to play the Lois Lane to this Clark Kent, considering they both just look kinda awkward? His chin looks like he had a face transplant done and her nose looks like someone is constantly Photoshopping it.

NHHHA, He-Man!!

-Don’t do a callback to Smallville, show. Oliver Queen has now spent more time in costume as the Flash than Tom Welling did as Superman.

-Direct fucking hit when Oliver said that Barry couldn’t take a crap without getting a peptalk from his team, but on the other hand, Oliver can’t take a crap without Felicity wondering what it means for their relationship. “Oliver didn’t tell me he needed to go to the bathroom! Why wouldn’t he trust me?”

-I’m just saying, last season on Agents of SHIELD, pretty much every character was in a relationship--there was not so much damn drama. It’s a fucking body-swap plotline, guys. You don’t need to treat it like it could lead to someone’s divorce! Really, at this point, if you’re in a relationship with a crazy superhero, you should be used to it. 

-(Although I suppose I’m a little hard to please here, since over on Legends of Tomorrow they suddenly expect us to care about Constantine rescuing the love of his life when we’ve seen their relationship for all of four seconds. But hey, like I said, Agents of SHIELD manages a happy medium and finds time for Ghost Rider to show up.)

-For the post-apocalyptic hellscape they make Gotham out to be, the police respond awfully fast to disturbances.

-”We’re on the corner of Burton and Nolan!” Groooooan.

-Ruby Rose, everyone: the Less Convincing Michelle Rodriguez. It’d probably a bad sign for how compelling Kate Kane is as a character that everyone would rather talk about where Batman is and why Batman would leave. And, speaking as someone who both watched Birds of Prey and The Dark Knight Rises--Rocky, that ‘Batman Retires’ plot point never works!

-(Is Batwoman even that popular a character to get her own spin-off? I suppose she’s ‘TV show’ popular, but still--I think she’s one of those Batfamily members that is somewhere behind Alfred but ahead of Ace, right next to Azrael. And I do think it’s hilarious that TPTB were insistent on casting a real, authentic lesbian!!!--and then immediately got complaints that they didn’t cast a Jew. Oh, Ziggy, will you ever win?)

-I don’t want to be too hard on Ruby Rose here. Yes, she doesn’t showcase anything other than one mode: Snide And Slightly Pouty (Stephen Amell ain’t winning no Oscars, but he can differentiate between Ollie As A Civilian and Ollie In A Halloween Costume). But the writing does her no favors in making a case for this character as being deserving of any amount of screentime, besides the fact that she dresses like Batman, the guy we really care about. She’s a heroine, as are featured variously in every Arrowverse show. She’s queer, as is Alex Danvers, Sara Lance, John Constantine, et al. She’s rich to the point of having unlimited resources, as are (sometimes) Oliver Queen, Barry Allen, Kara through her billionaire friends. She lives in a crime-ridden hellhole, as Ollie has done for several seasons. What makes any of this compelling? The Gotham setting? Arrow has already turned itself into an effective facsimile of that, to the point of having Ra’s al Ghul show up to make Queen into his son-in-law. Arkham Asylum seems completely generic, as does Wayne Tower. It’s all just a different part of Vancouver; who cares?

-Likewise, Supergirl, speaking to you as a TV show--you really should either be adamant that Kara is heterosexual or give her a weirdly flirtatious scene with Batwoman, but not both. I know you need, need, need to let the audience know Batwoman is a lesbian...

Pictured: The CW subtly letting you know about a character’s minority status.

But c’mon. We’ve been over this.

-Speaking of minority status, maybe it’s not the best idea to let slip that John Diggle is an AU John Stewart. Yes, there’s ten brothas in the DC Universe, and four of them are actually the other six. There are so few Negros on Earth-1 that they had to make Barack Obama into a superhero. The Batfamily has two black folks and they’re both related to Lucius Fox. There’s so few black people in Metropolis that Black Lightning knows who his father is!

Folks, the DC Universe is so white, the Black Lanterns are all dead. The DC Universe is so white, they don’t even have black Kryptonite. The DC Universe is so white, even Black Condor is a honky. The DC Universe is so white, they don’t even need a Justice League of Africa, they just have a Batman of Africa! The DC Universe is so white, the blackest guy on the Justice League is a refrigerator with one-half of a brother’s face on top of it. The DC Universe is so white, they named the black woman on the Teen Titans after a bug that’s half yellow! Now Milestone, the Milestone Universe is black. It’s so black, Aquaman is the most powerful superhero there, because he’s the only one who can swim!

(-I’m planning on being chased off of Tumblr like Indiana Jones after he snags an ancient artifact.)

-Would it be that hard for them to go to Arkham and run into the Ventriloquist or Orca or someone memorable, so long as they have access to the Batman toy chest? We got, uhh, Lady Who Can Pick Up Gun and Psycho Pirate I Guess? Like I said, unambitious. Wouldn’t it be so much cooler if they got someone from Gotham to film just one little cameo? 

-Also, considering the sex scandal these shows have had, maybe it’s not the best idea to joke about their EPs being depraved maniacs? (Was Guggenheim the one who actually got MeToo’d? Because if so, Dude--Not Funny)

-The show had to character-shill Batwoman so hard that Ollie and Barry stopped being fear-gassed just to reiterate that she is too an interesting character in her own right! (If the characters have all heard of Batman, wouldn’t they have heard of Batwoman too if she’s been an active vigilante more recently?)

-But who cares about four unstoppable superheroes teaming up when we can find out how Felicity feels about her relationship? Just a thought--if you fight with your SO all the time about nearly everything, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship. 

-Long story short, Doctor Destiny rewrites reality again to make Barry, Oliver, and Kara into supervillains in a world where he’s the hero. He also makes the other characters into pointless cameos, and weirdly gets criticized by Kara for... not giving himself a sex-change operation by becoming Superman instead of Supergirl? He doesn’t have gender dysphoria, Supergirl. I thought she was all about trans issues this season?

-Like, I don’t know, if a woman used a magic lamp to wish herself President, would anyone criticize her making herself a lady President instead of a man President?

-I guess it wouldn’t be Supergirl unless they crowbarred in an extremely awkward girlpower message where Superman and Lois agree that Supergirl/women in general are more useful than men, despite the fact that all Supergirl did was the exact same thing as Barry, while Superman and Oliver fought Dr. Destiny, and all Lois did was call in a bunch of men as reinforcements and then need to be rescued.

-But like I said about being unambitious--wouldn’t it be fun to see our heroes be forced to team up with a few supervillains to save the day? Instead, we just have Cisco playing a villain (something he’s done numerous times before). They get his help, have a weirdly poor showing in a fight against Jimmy Olsen, get Superman’s help again, yadda yadda. 

-We also get Superman proposing to Lois Lane. Yeah, considering they’ve been in a relationship at least since Supergirl Season 1, she’s carrying his child, and they’re planning to move to an alien world together, yeah, I should think so? I know Superman probably isn’t a Republican, but does anyone think he’d be so blase about putting a ring on it? Hell, if nothing else, he should want to tie the knot before Ma or Pa bite it. Couldn’t they have just made it that he wants to renew his vows with Lois in a Kryptonian ceremony or some such? 

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

1 3 and 10 c:

Ahh, thank you for the ask! c:

1. What is your favorite DC movie and why? And least favorite?

Justice League vs. Teen Titans! Because I’m simply biased as hell.

To ALL of its elements! Azarath! In a MOVIE! Arella’s story got RECOGNIZEd– even ANIMATED! It gave Raven’s gem a BACKSTORY! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted out of a Teen Titans animation.

(Azarath being animated in a movie fulfilled my SOUL, you have NO fucking idea. It was AMAZING. And so well animated too? So pretty? So peaceful? So nice to look at? Holy god, I want ten thousand hours of documentaries on that place??? legitimate tears in my eyes when we saw it. honestly, it was just… it was so good.)

Not to mention, while the production value was Kinda Eh, the writing was really clever and the Moments (silly, fun, heartfelt, freaky, dramatic) were all really well done. It captured the “Heart” of those feelings, emotive and raw and honest. I actually enjoyed the fun moments. Myself. And wasn’t just “distantly admiring people being happy”. Do you know how much of an ACCOMPLISHMENT that is?

The music was really cool. Not to reveal my Immortal Inner Emo Kid. But “Down to Nothing” is a really good song. (One of my only problems with this movie is that it was shoddily edited in the scene, and it’s a shame, because it really is a good song… {lD it was kinda my anthem for a long, long time after this movie. “Help me: believe in something, cuz I am: broken, I’m down to nothing. And it’s just so hard to be this way, but it’s just as hard to change. So: help me, believe in sooomethiiing….”)

(Because it’s in this movie, I grin a bit whenever Ciaran randomly shuffles it up. But also because I just really like the song itself.)

Also really cool: Trigon was an abusive asshole. Ultra mega props for that element; not just making him a Bad Guy because he’s Powerful and Wants to Rule the World, but legitimately showing that he was a BAD “GUY” *and* a Bad Parent.

Also nice, Damian felt less shoehorned in than Certain Other Really Recent Robins were in the comics…. (The reason for that may have been glossed over and a touch cliche, but it worked for the movie. It did what it needed to, nothing more and nothing less.)

Good thing too, because Damian being A Kid was really nice to see. (Raven too, let’s be real. Those kids need more “fun” in their lives.) Bond the children! BOND THEM, GODDAMN IT. That’s what any good Teen Titans story really needs; friends who are a FAMILY. They love each other, even if it’s hard-earned and hard-kept.

Focused on the PEOPLE, and their WELL-BEING, just as much as (if not MORESO!) than “ohshit, Big Bad Guy to deal with here”.

(the rest is under a cut, because godDAMN. I got rambly once I started talking about Raven.)

And perhaps most important of all to me: Raven’s characterization was amazing. Truly a masterpiece. Any time you’ve got a comic character with 7 different tones and 3-4 Literal Deaths and like 28 different writers having handled her: It takes a LOT of work to pick and choose what you want to do with them. It takes a lot of WISDOM and even prowess to triangulate your Own Characterization between such dramatic differences. Raven has been cold and distant; warm and soft; sharp and bitter; lost and clueless; wise and knowledgeable; she’s a very LAYERED and COMPLEX character even in each individual VERSION.

And the movie portrayed so many of her key characteristics so wonderfully. It’s a very “complete” picture of my absolutely Iconic Favorite Character, it encompasses so much of my Favorite Parts of her throughout her entire history, and it was just such a delight to experience. I, in my unpopular opinion (at least among my contemporary Cartoon-First Generation of Teen Titans Fans), actually really liked her voice actress, too? So subtle. So snarky. So soft, even with its edge of attitude. It was such a good fit for such a good incarnation!

And then there’s the fact that they included Jaime (who does well on his own, but honestly always seemed like a natural fit to the team), Kori (a Key Titan, let’s be honest), and even Gar (because his playfulness is a key part of Whole-Team Characterization too honestly; it wouldn’t be the same without him). It was a good setup, even with the comics this continuity’s based on being totally cracked.

And Cyborg showed up. Despite working “in the big Leagues” now. Thanks for throwing us that bone, at least. lD

And Damian? They did a great job of giving him character developement. Much needed. Good shit. If he can’t be with Dick!Bats in this verse (and I deeply prefer Dick as Nightwing anyways), that’s a really good fit for him. Learning to be human. Getting comfortable with Some Normalcy. Good and relateable.

That movie was just. Ahhh. SO Good. X3 As a Teen Titans fan especially, but also just as a person who likes a good Team Becoming Family story.

I love it. It has its caveats, but none of them dampen my obnoxiously heartfelt love for this thing.

*

(…yikes .after THAT essay, the rest of my answers are going to feel so shallow.)

All that bias aside though, my other favorite DC movie is definitely Wonder Woman. Hands down. Undoubtedly, no contest, no holds bar. It was a phenomenally well-told story with a lot of wit and compelling characters that used absolutely MASTERFUL rising action, and felt GENUINE. It was told from the heart as well as the camera, and it was told beautifully. Smoothly. It felt godly and human all at once. I can’t explain it very well, but it was genuinely one of the best movies I have ever seen.

I never got very into Wonder Woman, but from what I know of the 80’s and the Really Recent comics: It also captured her backstory, her personality, and her Style of Heroism really well. But even without being very familiar with her as a character? It’s a gorgeously well-done movie.

( Note: I still haven’t seen Justice League yet, but from what I’ve heard, I’ll probably end up liking that one too.)

*

Least favorite? I don’t know, honestly.

(My least favorite superhero movie is that one Marvel one with Vision, because I literally fell asleep while watching it. That’s the first time in my entire life I’ve fallen asleep while watching ANYTHING.)

But for DC, even the silly obnoxiously-radioactive-colored Batman and Robin has its place in history.

Can I just say, maybe… “the Injustice: Gods Among Us cutscenes”?- raven’s voice really grates my nerves, and not even in a Fun Creepy Way.- Whose idea was it to have SUPERMAN go evil? Like? ?? Who thought that was in any way a reasonable idea. - the story in that game felt really cobbled together. The comics are a lot more interesting, fun, and though there’s a lot of, like, Random Occurrences that seem to happen Exclusively For The Drama, in the game there are a lot of ill-explained things and general Random Chaos. Not my kinda story.

*

3. Which DC character should be introduced in movies/shows? Or have a movie/show of their own?

I mean. My automatic response is “Raven”, but I only ever want to see that if it’s being done right. The way CW wanted to do it kinda ripped the heart of everything I know/love about her to shreds. (”Relateable normal teen girl sudden has powers”? What? What??? That’s literally NONE of Raven’s backstory, shoo. Begone. Good riddance.)

That aside, I’d honestly probably watch the HELL out of a Nightwing show. Or movie. Just LET DICK BE HIMSELF. Without being attached at the history AND HIP to Bruce!

Or Death? or Sandman? I don’t know how well they’d translate to TV; Nightwing would certainly be the safer bet. Neil Gaiman’s writing is half as great as it is because of the WRITING. The style. The narrations… But, I mean: Coraline was just wonderful~ So why not a Sandman movie, too? Given the right director, and the right special effects team…?

(Constantine would’ve been next on my list, for a better movie anyway. but he’s already getting some decent recognition. So whoop whoop. Good shit. Nice Decision, DC. I Approve.)

10. Which DC character portrayal do you think is better in the comics than in the movies?

Batman. By far.

I’m just sick of all this manpain and gritty, utterly-unyielding violence, and… politics? Where’s the humanity?

Aren’t these writers forgetting that he’s someone who has suffered, and is doing all this, not just to beat up bad guys and look cool, but to save others from what theyd do? To HELP PEOPLE, not to growl like a man-tiger and punch things?

You can be badass and still have a heart, you know. Comics!Bruce does. (Most of the time.) And that’s a big part of why I like reading Batman comics so much.

And on that note, the conspicuous lack of Robins in (most) movies is an insult to comic history. Batman’s family-seeking and protect-the-children tendancies make for a much more interesting franchise, honestly. Give us a colorful cast! (Literally!) Give us diversity! Give us more stories with more characters so it has more facets than just “some guy wants to kill people; can’t have that”!)

As a sidenote: what I’ve seen of Gotham, it’s doing a really good job of encapsulating his Heroic Tendencies as well as his “sense of Duty” to Gotham and its people, while keeping him human AND super cool. That’s an important balance.

[scrawnydutchman]

Why “Justice League” is One of the Best Shows Ever Made

Let’s talk about one of the hottest topics of the week . . . the Justice League. What is perhaps the most exciting and mindblowing crossover superhero team in comic book history, the idea of DC comic legends like Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash and many others coming together to fight off the baddest villains in the DC multiverse is an idea too good and too profitable to pass up. The team has seen many incarnations across many mediums over the years. Many are heartfelt and memorable, others we’d like to forget. But Today I‘m talking about my introduction to the team; Bruce Timms animated run on the JL and the rise of the larger expanded DC animated universe, also known as the “Timm-verse“. After all, what better time to talk about this show than it’s 16th anniversary?

Oh, also the JL movies out I guess. Yeah, cool.

Premiering on November 16th, 2001, the Justice League animated series was an in-canon spinoff of the previous highly praised series Batman TAS and Superman TAS, both also produced by Bruce Timm. It offered everything it’s predecessors offered and more with tighter, more concise animation with fewer errors, faster paced action, thicker plots and schemes and best of all an unforgettable dynamic between the main cast. For all these reasons, It is easily my all time favorite TV show, and it gets even better with Unlimited. I’ve been thinking a lot about just how amazing this show is and watching some episodes in retrospect, it hasn’t gotten old in the slightest. Here are just some of the reasons why Justice League and Justice League Unlimited kick so much ass.

1. A strong showcase of multiple DC characters

When writing a long format piece like a film or television show, juggling multiple main characters is no easy task. It’s a great challenge to make each character involved feel real, distinct and like there really is crucial difference between them and the rest of the cast. Without doing this, there’s no real reason for an audience member to pick their favorite outside of who is the most physically powerful (hence Power Rangers). The best way to go about it without resorting to clichés too often is to make a central theme of the show all about interaction; express each characters personality in how they react and perceive each other. This show gets it, and as a result has excellently portrayed DC icons really show their chops in a way where everyone can pick a favorite based on their personal preference. It’s hilarious to watch the stern, cynical, no-nonsense Batman work off of the lighthearted, goofball Flash, and it feels extra sweet when in spite of their comedic banter they really express that they have nothing but respect for each other. The Flash is made all the more goofy by Batman and Batman is made all the more bruiting by Flash. Then of course you also have the noble boyscout Superman, the proud but compassionate Wonder Woman, the militant authoritative marine Green Lantern, the spunky and hard hitting Hawkgirl, and finally, the stoic and softspoken Martian Manhunter. All of them become lovable for different reasons and bring their own signature charm to the show. Not only do they work well off of each other, they each get a healthy dosage of screentime to do something silly, something badass, something sad, something touching. This show perfectly balances these heroes to really make them seem like a team and it becomes a fun discussion to talk about who in the group is your favorite. Not like a lot of other DC properties where they constantly insist Batman should be your favorite because he can beat anyone, solve anything by himself and really, if not for him the rest of the characters would apparently be incompetent assholes. Here he’s WAY more interesting because he still has badass moments but he‘s allowed to need help every once in a while. It also helps that the show has SUPREME acting talent like Kevin Conroy, Phil Lamarr, Clancy Brown and George Newbern.

This element of the show only gets better in Unlimited by the way. the team expands to lesser known characters like Green Arrow, Vigilante, Vixen and so on, and each one of them gets their fair share of badass likeable moments and nobody ever feels like they ever get too much or too little exposure. Except the Question and Star Girl. the Question should have been on screen way more often because he’s the best part of Unlimited and Star Girl was the worst part of it because everytime she appeared she was a snarky condescending bitch who ended up getting her ass kicked more than anyone else. 

2. Great Action (and Animation in General)

*this show has more than a few bitchslap moments and I love it for that*

Now, I’ve mentioned before and still hold onto the opinion that Justice League is the best work of Bruce Timm’s. I know many people hold Batman TAS to that stature for it’s intense drama and theming, and I certainly agree it is groundbreaking, but JL and ESPECIALLY JLU perfected what Batman TAS established. Batman TAS was the first look into what would become the DCAU and it very clearly shows that the show writers and animators were still trying to find their voice. If you watch the Batman TAS (especially earlier episodes) with a trained eye for animation you’ll notice more than a few consistency errors, with awkward stills and elements of character designs dropping out of frame here and there. JL and JLU is consistently more crisp and the errors are MUCH farther and fewer between. Not to mention the action and pacing are just better. I LOVE Batman TAS, I never want to make the impression that I don’t, but it DID have a tendency to move a touch too slowly at times, especially for what were supposed to be intense action scenes. In justice League the fighting is dynamic, it’s snappy, it‘s crackling with energy and creativity. Every punch, every kick, every spit in the eye really feels painful due to how quickly and smoothly it happens; you feel the weight of all of it. Each and every fight has a genius setup and plays further into enhancing how badass every character is. Not to mention the stakes are always high, be it on a physical level of how many people could die in the process or what the fight represents in who is in the right and who is in the wrong. One of the best examples is the fight between Superman and Captain Marvel. The context is Superman thinks Luthor is hiding a sinister motive because he can’t find it in himself to trust him, while Captain Marvel is defending Luthor by saying he believes in the merit of giving people the benefit of the doubt. The physical fight really came down to a difference in ideology and Superman losing sight of who he was. The fights are never random; they always serve the theme of the show greatly and the outcome of them further instills the drama of the subject matter. Going along the same example, Captain Marvel delivers a chilling and biding speech at the end of the episode that gives the conflict a bitter sweet resolution. I love it.

Oh, did I mention it’s all in GLORIOUS frame by frame? Yeah, this is right up there with Avatar: The Last Airbender as some of the most glorious and high quality animation to ever hit the airwaves. The easing, the anticipation, the reaction, the timing, it’s all on point.

3. Great plots, better execution

This show has TONS of iconic episodes and plots, whether they be wholly original or inspired by a comic book plot of the same name (like “The Man Who Has Everything”, the only Alan Moore adaptation approved by the man himself). The conspiracy about Superman murdering president Luthor, the invasion of Darkseid, the dark heart, the hijacking of the annihilator armor, both fights with the android Amazo. I honestly can’t think of a single bad episode of this show. I think the reason this shows stories are so strong are largely due to the reasons I already listed above. They play largely into character interaction which usually perpetuates some sort of central theme of the episode (and in some cases we get a showcase of a one time appearing DC character like Captain Marvel or Deadman). They also showcase well choreographed, well animated action that perfectly compliments the conflict and feels very deliberate. This shows greatest tool however, is how it uses escalating stakes. when making an action oriented show or movie, in order to keep the action truly compelling, you have to make it feel like there is something being lost as a consequence of the action. The reason why so many people don’t like Superman is because they don‘t see the drama in it if they feel like he can never lose. But this show ALWAYS makes sure there is something to be lost like mass destruction, the health of our heroes, sometimes straight up death. Or sometimes the fight results in a greater lesson being learned. The point is, the fights are never inconsequential. Something changes as a result of what has transpired. This seems so blatantly obvious but You’d be surprised how much media just throws a bunch of mindless shit at the wall and thinks it’s engaging because there’s a lot of shit going on and that‘s the only thought you have to give to it. This doesn't just apply to the physical fighting either. Everything that goes on is governed by character decision making, NOT by coincidence or happenstance. It’s such an easy trap to fall into to just have shit happen to people out of nowhere and on any other given day it would have never transpired, but real compelling storytelling happens as a result of who is in control of the situation, not nobody having it. So much of new fiction has an issue of “this guy robbed a bank JUST as Spidey was swinging around one day“ or “they were in a bad trap but luckily Batman had JUST the right gadget for the occasion” and other deus ex machina shit where the only reason the day is saved is basically because the heroes got lucky, but here each and every hero involved actually influences something in this show. It also helps that they made the DCAU more balanced physical wise so that more characters are actually a presentable threat to Superman. Also, though not completely necessary, this show will often reference previous episodes as justification for characters actions which makes for great continuity.

Conclusion:

Justice League and Justice League Unlimited is fantastic for all the same reasons many shows out there are fantastic. It gracefully juggles attention between a diverse set of characters, it perfects the Bruce Timm animation style with crisp and consistent animation and it has high stakes manifested by the characters being in control of the conflict. It certainly isn’t the first to accomplish any of these things, but it IS one of the very few shows ever put out to pull it off just so darn effectively. For those reasons among many others, Justice League is EASILY my personal favorite show of all time. Bruce Timm Himself once said it’s his favorite of his productions because it’s the only one he can go back to and still wholly enjoy every time, and I wholeheartedly agree.

[mercerislandbooks]

Girls With Bright Futures: A Conversation

You’ll be seeing a book on the Island Books new paperback fiction table February 2nd, if you haven’t already spied it on several most anticipated releases of 2021 lists, including Newsweek, Refinery29 and Popsugar. With an eye catching cover, a local setting and an instantly intriguing premise, Girls With Bright Futures is the book everyone is going to be talking about. Taking place in Seattle at the fictional Elliott Bay Academy, and told from three alternating points of view, we get an inside look into the cutthroat world of college admissions and the unrelenting pressure on both the kids applying for college and the parents trying to ensure their success.

I was hooked from the very first page, plunged into the high stakes of vying for the last early admission spot at Stanford, and thankful that my college application days are now in the distant past! Seattle residents and co-authors, Tracy Dobmeier and Wendy Katzman, were kind enough to answer a few of my questions about their book and the writing process. And be sure to check out the details for their book launch at Island Books at the end of the blog!

Welcome Tracy and Wendy! How did you two decide to write a book together?

We’ve been friends for more than 20 years. In fact, Wendy’s husband and Tracy first met when they were right out of college living in Washington, DC. We all ended up in Seattle in the mid-1990s and connected when our oldest kids were toddlers, and the two of us became instant friends. Over the years, we’ve supported each other through careers, motherhood, community volunteer work, and many life events—some wonderful, others terrifying. Throughout it all, we bonded over our deep reliance on humor and our tremendous mutual respect. It’s not an exaggeration to say that we always felt a collaboration on something was inevitable. But for years, the perfect idea eluded us. On long, angsty walks, we batted around book ideas (always non-fiction in those early days), business ideas, and even an idea for a board game. But at the bottom of it all was a desire to better understand the culture of motherhood today—all its rewards and privileges, and on the flip side, the judgment and toxic self-doubt that plague so many of us.

Finally, just when we were starting to launch our kids from the nest, we read two books that really set us off on this path, but for very different reasons. The first was Modern Romance which was a collaboration between the comedian Aziz Anzari and Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist from Columbia, in which they looked at how romance and courtship rituals have evolved over the last 100 years or so. Something about that the way that book took on a culturally relevant topic, combining humor and research really resonated with us and got us thinking about whether we could do something similar with modern motherhood and friendship. But we quickly realized we were neither stand-up comedians nor sociologists, so we were still casting about for an idea.

And then we read another amazing book—Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. We were so inspired. For years, we’d been telling our kids that it’s OK to try new stuff even if it means failing sometimes, and yet we’d been unwilling to take that kind of risk ourselves. And so we thought: If we were going to “go big” and really risk being vulnerable, what would we do? All of the sudden we realized we wanted to write fiction (and please believe us: writing a novel and sharing it with the world is an excruciating exercise in vulnerability!). We wanted to create something, to be free to dream up characters and stories and worlds. The only flaw in this plan was that neither of us had ever written a word of fiction. If only we could figure out how to write a novel, we believed our work ethic and willingness to hold ourselves accountable to each other would get us the rest of the way there. So what did we do? We kid you not...we pulled out our computers and googled: “How do you write a novel?” That was at the end of February, 2016—and the rest is history!

What was the inspiration for Girls With Bright Futures?

Because our book is launching in the wake of the Operation Varsity Blues college admissions scandal, most people assume that salacious news story was our inspiration, but that’s actually not the case. In fact, prior to Girls with Bright Futures, we had already written an entire manuscript featuring college admissions mania as a major theme, but that manuscript was submitted to publishers in 2018 without success. Forced to go back to the drawing board, we ultimately conceived of Girls with Bright Futures in late 2018 and had not only plotted out the entire book but had nearly completed our first draft when the scandal first broke in March 2019!

As far as why we chose this topic in particular, it's kind of a long story! But in a nutshell, when our older boys were in the midst of the college admissions process, each of our husbands suffered a life-threatening health crisis. Thankfully (knock on wood), our guys are alright, but it was such a bizarre coincidence that we both experienced such intense brushes with mortality during the high anxiety of the college admissions process—it felt like a sign we couldn’t ignore. Initially, our writing was more therapy than anything, enabling us to try to make sense of all our feelings. At the same time, we became fascinated by what seemed to be an increasingly competitive and anxiety provoking college admissions process for our kids. We wanted to explore the impacts of all this on families, friendships, students, and school communities.  

The pacing is so good in your narrative, what was your writing process like to make that happen?

Well first, thank you for saying that! We’re staring at each other over Zoom right now trying to remember how it all came together! Before we start writing, we work out every scene—e.g., whose point of view, where the scene starts and ends, and what we need to accomplish. Every scene has a specific purpose to keep the plot unfolding. In addition, we really wanted our story to illustrate and mirror the real-life phenomenon of how an anxiety-fueled action by one character can provoke escalating responses in others. Some of our pacing derives from this tension. Finally, we intentionally juxtaposed humorous or satirical scenes against more serious ones, and dialogue-heavy scenes with more expository-laden scenes. After all, variety is the spice of life (ugh—and cliches are the bane of a writer’s existence!).

How did you decide what kind of representation you wanted in your characters?

Our overarching goal was to write a compelling (even shocking!) fictional depiction of the toxicity of the college admissions process for parents, families, friendships, and communities. There were many different approaches we could have taken and we considered all of these, including race, ethnicity, and income/class. As two white women, we were conscious of not wanting to misappropriate any stories, but we did want to find a way to show how racism rears its head in this setting. We decided to make our three main characters white women of varying socioeconomic levels while incorporating plot twists (no spoilers here) and a whole roster of women whose races and ethnicities are intentionally ambiguous to expose some common racist assumptions in many high school communities. Telling this story through a lens of extreme income inequality allowed us to shine a light on the role of that particular trend as a major driver of anxiety and bad behavior in many school communities. Our hope is that we’ve constructed a story that will stimulate discussion on a range of social justice issues.

What was surprising to you about writing your first book?

Writing and publishing a book are two totally different endeavors. On the writing front, we had no idea how little time we’d spend actually writing our book versus planning it on the front end and revising/editing it on the back end. In terms of publishing, we were initially surprised to learn how much marketing is involved and that the majority of that marketing involves social media (even more so now because we’re launching in a pandemic). As neither of us were remotely active on social media before our publishing journey, we had to push ourselves to overcome our discomfort and there has also been a (very) steep learning curve (like what the heck is an Instagram story for and why do we have to do it?). We’ve been fortunate to have digital natives (i.e., our children) who owe us big-time for all the years we spent raising them. Check out our social media game on Instagram @katzndobs.

What are you working on now?

While we can no longer sit side-by-side at Tracy’s house, we’ve continued working together over Zoom. Our next novel isn’t a sequel to Girls with Bright Futures, but it’s set in a similar world with more parents behaving badly. That’s about all we can say right now!!

And last but not least, at Island Books the staff is always asked about what we’re reading. What are the two of you reading and recommending now?

Tracy: My favorite read over the holidays was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, and I am currently reading Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour.

Wendy: Eliza Starts a Rumor by Jane Rosen was my favorite read over the holidays, and His Only Wife by Peace Adzo Medie is my current read.

Photo by  @KristenSycamorePhotography

Tracy and Wendy will be at Island Books on Saturday, February 6th from 10am to 2:30 pm for a Covid-era signing of Girls With Bright Futures. A free custom Hello Robin cookie is their special gift to you with purchase of their book, while supplies last! So put on your mask and stop by to support these lovely debut authors and their fantastic book. Hope to see you there! 

-- Lori