#the older she gets the less she's willing to deal with people SHE WANTS PEACE

[rescuefield-arch1]

thinking about her ( claire in the line at 7/11, pretending not to know people who call out for her name )

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

⭐star⭐ Yorick and Rhaenyra's relationship and the turning point at Ella's wedding.

God, their relationship is so much. I'm gonna try to be coherent about it but you of all people know I have a hard time being articulate in a linear manner if I have many feelings

So, at the very, very base & in the beginning of the story it is just a pretty basic friendship between kids who are the same age range. They'd see each other every so often, they liked each other, they had fun, they liked a lot of the same games & how they wanted to play often overlapped or Yorick would be happy to go along with what Rhaenyra wanted to do. However, there was the fact that, until Yorick was living in King's Landing, they only saw each other a few times a year. Sad as it is to say, their friendship kind of works/worked best when they weren't around each other all the time. Rhaenyra is a lot more implacable & stubborn than Ella, so she wasn't going to be compromising with Yorick as easily. There's also the issue of her not really being able to place blame on Viserys (even when its his fault) or being willing to do a whole lot of introspection. That leads to their early friendship being really hot-and-cold whenever there's some kind of difficulty or issue where the easiest solution will be pushing the issue onto Yorick & blaming him until she cools off. And because he's 1) a peace-keeper & 2) desperate not to lose one of his few connections he likes, Yorick just kind of spends his whole friendship (during their childhood at least) trying to keep Rhaenyra satisfied & go along with her & keep himself a bit in her shadow. He's very much her accessory when they're younger & he doesn't fight it because that's the easiest thing for him to do.

You have to remember, because it only makes sense when you do, that Yorick is a deeply lonely child when he's in King's Landing. The Red Keep is isolating. It's just him & 3 of his cousins & Alicent, everyone else is a good bit older than him or tween!Larys or even just a full-blown adult who's either supposed to be taking care of him & failing on some level or aren't really supposed to be taking care of him but are trying to fill in the gaps anyway (the Velaryons & the Strongs coming in clutch there). There's not a gigantic variety of people at Runestone, but it's just less...oppressive? than The Red Keep. Plus he was actually being taken care of by a loving parent at Runestone & his best friend he was maybe a little codependent with/his twin sister was there! Friendship & interaction was also a lot more consistent at Runestone, he wasn't getting Rhaenyra's issues with Viserys pushed onto him & being iced out because of it; he had more of a voice there (even if he was still perfectly content to go along with what Ella wanted to do). It was a lot more "friendship among equals" than "Rhaenyra is always in charge because she's a princess & she can change her mind on how she feels about me at any given moment." He wasn't having to bend over backwards or swallow his tongue or chase after any friends at Runestone, all things he was doing in some capacity in King's Landing.

The big rub there is that Rhaenyra kind of never moves on from how things were when they were kids. Yorick starts spending more time at Runestone as he gets older because Daemon is getting exiled, he's going through puberty & developing a bit of a Teen 'Tude, he's getting tired of swallowing his emotions & his voice. He's ready to move on & grow up & come into his own, he's the heir to Runestone coming into his position & everything that means, he's dealing with nearly half a decade of building rage issues that he's finally getting the space to let out (healthy or not). Rhaenyra kind of just...doesn't want him to do any of that. She wants Yorick to stay her accessory that she just drags around & does whatever she wants & let's her be in charge. He can have the voice he's growing into & be angry, but only if he points it in a direction that will never effect her. Because if it effects her then Yorick isn't the replacement for the brother who just keeps not being born & her kind of...unnoficial but defacto betrothed in lieu of the brother ("because even if said brother gets born now I'll be 30 by the time he can get married").

And none of this is because she has romantic feelings for Yorick, it's just sort of..."there needs to have been a point for my dad acting like Yorick is his son." And, well, when you're a Targaryen & also entitled (which, really, those things go hand-in-hand), the point gets really fucky because no relationships can be wholly platonic when you come into the world with the expectation you'll marry a sibling placed on you. It's a sense of "I deserve a Valyrian malewife" & "I own my cousins" for Rhaenyra. She's graciously sharing Yorick (& Ella) with Alicent & the Velaryon siblings, but no one can be more important to them than her because as soon as that visibly happens it isn't fair & she's going to ice at least one person out. It's why she gets so weird & territorial around Shireen, & goes full delusion about how she is even though, up until the point that the betrothal was announced, she did like Shireen. There were zero issues until she took something (Yorick) that belonged to her & threatened her position as Being Really Important To Yorick.

To Rhaenyra, Shireen was a direct threat because she dared to know Yorick better than she did, because she allowed for his growth & his voice & his wants & his anger where Rhaenyra just wanted him to keep being her lapdog who does whatever he can to court her good graces because he's so desperate for a connection. And she couldn't talk to her about this, because how do you explain to someone "yeah, I feel entitled to your betrothed because I own him. Sort of like a sentient purse with legs that I am entitled to because he's basically the brother I was supposed to marry." You don't explain that, because even if what she said was considered normal in circles outside of House Targaryen she'd get looked at funny due that being more the "Targaryen man feeling entitled to Targaryen woman" mentality. So she just built BBG up into BBEG who was poisoning her Accessory Malewife Attack/Lapdog against her. And then it boiled over at Ella's wedding because she was forced to confront her feelings, which Rhaenyra is kind of bad at doing & dealing with.

And when it all boiled over the "unthinkable" happened, where literally no one was on her side. So she had to apologize, even if she kind of wasn't feeling it. And her trying to guilt trip everyone into forgiving her & turning it into a woe-is-me-but-also-love-me-choose-me-pick-me didn't really work, because Shireen is just as stubborn as her & she'll accept the apology but she won't forgive Rhaenyra for being so shitty & saying awful things to her. And there it gets kind of complicated, because Rhaenyra is married to one of Yorick's best friends. Laenor is his boy. And he kind of can't fully let go of how they were as kids, because somewhere deep in there is still the lonely 7/8-year-old boy who just wanted his cousin to like him & stay his friend even though her dad was being weird about him. Like, Yorick stands by his wife & her decision & he picks her because she's right in her feelings & you can't really totally move on from "hey, you called my wife a cunt & said she stole me from you?????" but at this point he's still willing to have some kind of relationship with his cousin. They have definitely crossed a threshold & they'll never be close friends again, but they're both still kind of trying to put in some semblance of maintenance. There's just noticeably less of it, particularly on Yorick's side.

They haven't totally moved on from how close they were, because that was years of friendship, but they're drifting & it's only going to get worse.

[the-sage-libriomancer]

i've had dysfunctional Honda family on the brain lately, and i got to thinking about Katsuya's sister—better known as Tohru's bitchy aunt who had no respect for Tohru's boundries and treated her like shit. she and Tohru's cousins are set up as an inconsequential first boss, out of Tohru's life and the story halfway through the first act, and then she's barely in the series ever again. canon-wise there's not really much to be said about her: she's a shrill, selfish woman who's basically a Japanese Karen. there isn't anything more to her character, and in the context of the story there doesn't need to be.

but i just got to thinking—what was she like as a kid? what was it like for her growing up, when she had a strict and uncompromising father, a mother who died when she was a teen/young adult, and an older brother who grew up frustrated and repressed?

Tohru's grandfather said that he and Katsuya were always struggling, with Katsuya striving to meet his father's unfair expectations and Tohru's grandfather (who henceforth is going to be called Toshiro bc i can't keep typing out "Tohru's grandfather") unwilling to accept that his son wasn't the person Toshiro wanted him to be. imagine having to live in a house where your older brother and your father are always fighting, where your brother slowly becomes a different person over the years and your father won't stop pointing out everything that's "wrong" with your brother.

(i think it's also important to note that the story takes place approximately from 1999-2001, which means Toshiro is very firmly from the war generation. that almost certainly influenced his values and approach to life, from the sharp focus on education to how he expected "good etiquette" from his children. and i dunno—not to drag a far bigger can of worms into the mix, but i think there is something to be said about how horrific worldwide cruelty deflates into systematic national cruelty which trickles down into mundane societal cruelty that somehow becomes "just the way things are", which feeds nicely into the series' themes of generational trauma and how people come to normalize abuse.)

we don't know much about the Hondas' domestic life, but we do know this: Toshiro was unhappy with his kids and his kids were unhappy with their father. then the mother died and Toshiro lost what was probably his strongest connection to both of them. Katsuya and Toshiro didn't really get along until after Kyoko came into their lives, which was probably a good several years later. meanwhile, we don't know anything about Toshiro's relationship with his daughter, but clearly there isn't the same kind of bad blood between them as there was Katsuya and Toshiro.

and it's just. Katsuya's sister. his younger sister, the one who grew up beside him. a woman who married a faceless (but respectable) man, who has enough money to take vacations and hire private detectives and completely renovate houses, who looks down on Kyoko and can't stop judging her own brother's child for being raised by an ex-delinquent.

do you ever think about it? how the unnamed sister spent her formulative years in a house that was never at peace. her father was proud and stubborn, clearly not willing to deal with anything other than what HE thought was right. her mother likely tried to play peacekeeper, because that's often what the wife is reduced to in a fight between family members, and who knows what her relationships with her kids were like in the face of that. her brother started out as someone like Tohru, but slowly became a different person as their father's expectations pressured him into walling off entire parts of himself. she constantly heard her father talk derisively about Katsuya for being less than his ideal (maybe even to Katsuya's face). and she clearly comes from a high-status family who have no qualms with being assholes toward "unsavory" family members, if the flashbacks to Katsuya's funeral are anything to go by. every time she met with family—aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, in-laws, what have you—she was reminded that you had to marry the right sort of person or you would be openly sneered at, receive no help or support, and be virtually disowned.

do you ever think about how she probably absorbed her father's ideas of an acceptable life because that's all she ever learned to value? how she took cues from her other family members and crafted a respectable persona that they would all approve of? that she possibly dotes on her family and supports her son's dream because she never got any of that love and acceptance for herself? her life is one of a stereotypical upper-middle-class suburban housewife, the kind who's obsessed with status and appearances to the point of becoming a shallow, cruel miniboss in a story about far worse cruelties and far less shallow motivations.

listen. listen. Tohru's aunt is an annoying person but also one that's easy to read. she felt "uneasy" around Kyoko. she wanted her son to succeed in life. she judged Tohru—a sweet girl who had literally never done anything of suspicion in her entire life—solely because of Tohru's parentage. she loved her father. she thought her father would support her in deriding the "distasteful" member of the family and she was wrong. she lost her mother at a young age. she refused to see Kyoko as worthy of respect. she thought Tohru was a delinquent like Kyoko who was shacking up with three strange men, but she still called to inform Tohru of Toshiro's illness and offered to go to the parent-teacher's conference with Tohru. her own father called her and her children "nasty by nature." she is a product of her childhood and also a deeply unpleasant person because she never chooses to extend compassion or kindness to others, much less any inklings of good faith.

and it all drives me a little nuts because Tohru's aunt is decidedly a minor character, and i don't think much thought was put into her characterization or backstory—she's the shitty judgmental family member who's there to be a roadblock for Tohru, and that's it. but the nuggets of information we get on Katsuya's past also creates a path for his sister's backstory, one that points to a quietly dysfunctional family, high pressure to be an acceptable member of society, and other unfortunate circumstances that led her aunt to becoming such a shallow, hardhearted person.

anyway. dysfunctional Honda family is very interesting.

[twstedstoryshop]

Congratulations on the 700 Shopkeep!🎉🎉

For the event, how about Mafia AU with Leona, Malleus, and Azul. How would they react when their Fem s/o was the princess of their rival group?

-🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[wheezes because I really need to limit myself in headcanons but I can't help it] -Shopkeep

Leona, Malleus, and Azul as Mafia Leaders with an Female S/O from a Rival Gang

Leona had an operation that worked under the shadow of his family’s name. While his older brother was the shining face, keeping the public happy with his humanitarian work and aiding those of the lower class, Leona made sure to keep the Kingscholar name powerful in the underworld.

After all, you can’t always act like a peace-keeping good guy from smiling and shaking hands. Sometimes you have to nip the bad thorns in your side by getting your hands dirty. It was a thankless job sadly as a number of uppercrust people looked down on Leona for his blood-stained hands. As if he wasn’t the one to make sure they were safe in their penthouses from vengeful rival families.

He could care less though as he had his own people to look out for rather than pleasing unworthy people. He has right-hand man Ruggie and a new, but promising underling Jack who was quickly rising up the ranks due to his loyalty and strength. Then of course, there’s his current flame…

It was a chance encounter, not the most stellar of first impressions with him being drunk and half-asleep at a high-end bar and club. A pretty face joined beside him, sipping away at her drink, and she checked on Leona to make sure he wasn’t dead.

Since he was drunk under the table, Leona ended up throwing some blunt, half-assed flirts her way. Along the lines of “Damn, you’re really pretty” or “Your partner’s really lucky to have you.” -Now normally any sane person would have left the guy staggering in his seat. Yet this lady didn’t, finding his drunk behavior amusing, and not finding a lick of danger in him. Which was quite surprising for him, even while inebriated.

She was kind enough to use his phone to call up Ruggie and have him be picked up. The next morning, in the fog of his hangover, he sees a new contact and a note from his new friend. An invitation to contact her whenever he wanted.

From there the rest was history. Meet-ups to hang out grew more frequent and longer and eventually, there’d be nights where neither one was willing to go home for the night. Their relationship was something without a label but there was a deep fondness even Leona’s brother and his gang could see.

He knew he was a goner when he would feel his lover would trace his scars from past clashes. Especially the one over his eye. “Do you ever wonder where these come from?” “Should I be?” “Hmph, you either must be really brave or really dumb when it comes to danger.” “I think my danger sense went out the window the moment I was willing to crawl into bed with a lion.”

She was willing to always come to him, see him as a second home, and to be looked upon without fear or disgust, he reveled in it. He sought her out as much as she did with him. So… What the hell was he looking at now?

He had caught wind that a rival gang was trying to put a stop to his hits, picking off his men one by one. A particular clash had Ruggie and Jack calling for his help. He was armed with a gun, leading Jack with an injured Ruggie on his back. A shadow crosses his path, a gun is cocked, but no shot. Only a shocked look.

Two hunters stare each other down with unreadable expressions. Fate had dealt them a cruel hand. What’s the use of fearing danger when you’re so used to it every day…?

A modern day prince, one might call him. An esteemed bloodline, power at his fingertips, and riches one could only ever dream of. Yet with the power Malleus wielded, heavy were the burdens that came with it.

The Draconia family’s influence and power wasn’t born out of nothing. Dark dealings, shady connections, and even certain family members being pushed beyond their limits to have unearthly skills. Malleus was at the peak of it all and was to inherit all of it in due time. But for now, he was still under the wing of his grandmother, the matriarch.

Malleus really couldn’t have a day to himself to be completely alone outside his room. If he stepped one foot of his dark and dreary mansion, he had to be flanked by his personal bodyguards Sebek and Silver or his grandmother’s aid, Lilia. He knew it was for the sake of his protection, but a man could only deal with so much company!

Over time, Malleus mastered the art of giving his guards the slip and he could finally walk among the streets like a normal guy. Somewhat normal. Okay, maybe he still had to dodge open areas and could only stay in secluded areas, but it was better over having eyes on him constantly.

He had found a particular area to escape to. An abandoned garden that grew wild over the remains of an eerie, dilapidated house. While it may have looked like something straight out of a horror film, Malleus enjoyed the calm it brought.

One day, he had noticed that he wasn’t the only one who enjoyed the peace of the ruined house. In the distance he saw the form of a woman pacing worriedly by one of the still standing walls of the house. She kept eyeing the fogged window and called out, “Grim, you get down from there right now! Bad boy! How did you even get in there!?”

Malleus would see that in the window a little gray cat with a white patch on his chest meowing from inside the house. Malleus, being the gentleman he was, made himself known. The woman was surprised by his sudden appearance but was calmed down by Malleus' offer to get her pet cat back.

Like magic, Malleus worked with amazing grace and skill to capture the mischievous cat without a single scratch on him or Grim. The woman thanked him profusely and asked if there was anything he would like as a reward. Malleus said he didn’t need it, but she insisted. Malleus decided then, “May I trouble to see you again here at a later date?”

The woman was taken aback. Did he just ask for a date without realizing it. Amused, she accepted though she was curious of who he was. Malleus decided against using his real name as he was unsure if his name alone would scare her. So he thought for amusement’s sake, why not have code names or one another?

She decided to call him Dragon, since he had this air of mystery and power. Following her lead, he decided to call her Fair Lady. The Fair Lady and the Dragon. Since then, the two always kept meeting each other. Sometimes they had picnics in the overgrown garden, talked about anything under the sun, and vented about their similarly overbearing lives.

Things led to another and a mutual, shy love grew between Malleus and his Lady. It was his first love actually, having never had the opportunity to really date or nurture affections ever in his life. It was innocent at first, but grew like a blaze in his heart. Passion formed from sincere love.

Yet love wasn’t something easy, especially when you were in a powerful family. His grandmother called him in one day and talked of a rival clan that threatened their position. She warned him of their heir, a woman with a promising future to help her family grow stronger. That woman was his Lady…

Despair filled him and he knew he couldn’t play this charade with Fairy Lady any longer. Not if it meant he would hurt her. It was their last meeting it seemed, a cool summer night with fireflies dancing all around them. He makes his confession on who he truly is, what he’s supposed to do as a son of Draconia.

He expects her to be angry, to be betrayed, but she isn’t. She is sorrowful and looks up to him with teary eyes. “Do you hate me then…? Should we stop seeing each other?”

Malleus feels his resolve crumble into dust. He was at a crossroad. To continue down his path for the legacy he was trained for? Or to give it all up in the name of love? Well, that’s another story for another time…

-Azul wasn’t actually born into the shady gang business. He just happened to work rather well with money, building a business by himself, and somehow the universe decided his two best friends right-hand men were the sons of said shady gang.

It was natural for the Leech family to take interest in Azul’s prowess with Jade and Floyd constantly hanging around him. It was only a matter of time before Mr. Leech came to Azul’s establishment with a job offer in his family business.

Azul had to double-check with his boys to make sure if this was alright with them. Floyd was definitely not one to take up the mantle and Jade found this a much more interesting turn of events to stop Azul. So lo and behold, Azul found himself as the protegee to Mr. Leech.

Azul took to the gang business like, well, a fish to water. He had the drive, wit, and ambition to be a gang boss. He achieved much in such little time that it had the rest of the Leech family shocked. Plus it made quite the show for the Tweels to see their more annoying family members gob smacked.

In due time, Azul rose to power with grace and poise. He was advised though that in the years that passed, he had to think of getting married to keep face among other crime lords. Being a man rooted in strategy, there was no way he was going to leave it up to chance for love to hit him. So, marriage interviews were the way to go.

Looking over potential bachelorettes around his status and age, Azul came across one interesting profile. Definitely had the looks, the status, and apparently wasn’t keen on associating with her own family. Rather wanted to make a name for herself due to her own power.

Azul could respect that and hey, as long as she didn’t ask too many questions about his true business, they could cooperate. It was a really formal affair, the two met, both seemed charmed by the other, paperwork and ceremony took place, and boom, they were hitched.

Both thought it would just be a beneficial cooperation… That is until inevitably, feelings were caught. Mr. and Mrs. Ashengrotto, though married already, were dealing with deepening affections they didn’t want any part of. But both were idiots and the two realized they were more serious about this than they realized.

It made for quite the dramatic show for Tweels and they were laughing at every moment the two were stumbling over each other. It would have been a lovely, funny relationship… If both of their secrets didn’t catch up to them in due time.

Azul was notified that a rival gang suddenly declared that they had a bone to pick with him personally. Azul was confused, unsure of what they wanted from him exactly as he never had problems with this gang. Until he got the information that the heiress to the gang had run off from them.

He turned to his wife who guiltily looked away from him. The pieces lined up. A runaway gang heiress and here she was, landed as his wife. It was by mere chance that he chose her out of all the choices and yet… Azul wasn’t mad about it. Sure it was going to be one hell of a mess to clean up, but he’d be damned to not let his wife go.

They signed the contract together, they made a deal, now it’s time to pay what’s due, but Azul was sure he was going to come out of this with the upperhand.

[shyficwriter]

You're Not Broken, Ya Hear Me?

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Yondu x Reader, guest starring Peter and other Ravagers

Summary: Based off a prompt from my friend @giulscomix where Reader is coming up on a rite of passage involving having her first sexual experience and is very nervous because she doesn't wish to partake, because she's just not interested in sex at all. (i.e: Reader is Ace or Demi) She opens up to Yondu about it after he finds her hidden away and crying about it and he helps her with her problem, making her realize she isn't broken. Inspired by and using lines from this scene in Netflix's Sex Education series.

Author’s Note: Fic is SFW. Sex is talked about (obviously), but no sexual scenes occur. This also takes place in an AU where Yondu never broke the code (yet still has Peter, make that make sense lol) and therefore was never exiled from the other Ravager clans. Also, this is a long one, probably should have broken it into chapters, but here we go lol

Word Count: 10,189

The nervousness inside you grew with every passing day. You were almost seventeen- you should be happy about this! Not filled with dread about what turning that particular year would mean. You glanced at the calendar from your bed. Only three days left.

There was a rite of passage that every young man had taken before you, and would take long after you. They all whooted for joy when their time came, but you couldn't find the enthusiasm to do so, although you did your best to fake it. And as the day grew closer, the more you had to fake it.

Maybe it was because you were the only female Ravager on Yondu's team? Or maybe that had nothing to do with it. Maybe you were just... broken? Why couldn't you just be excited about this like everyone else? That thought made your chest ache as you pulled on your boots.

You didn't want to do it, this stupid rite of passage. No, it wasn't exactly like you'd be forced into a room until you "did the deed," However, you knew to refuse would be to cement your reputation as a lame prude who wouldn't know fun if it crawled up her ass. But still, you really didn't want to.

After all, who would want their first time to just be some random fuck for the sole purpose of "Becoming a man/woman" and an "official part of the crew."? Yes, you wanted more than anything to be accepted, like Peter or the others, but you wanted your first time to be with someone you loved and cared for. Now, this isn't to say that you weren't currently a respected member of the crew, but things were just... different. You knew things would change if the others knew you didn't want to go through with it. You'd be less "one of the guys" and more "the chick with the stick up her butt." You didn't want that.

You stood and took a deep breath, readying your facade before leaving your quarters to make your way down to breakfast.

As always, there were many other Ravagers also making their way from the crew quarters down to the mess hall. And, just how it had started happening the closer it got to that dreaded date, you'd encounter someone looking to congratulate you with a clap on the back, saying things like, "Ayy! How many days is it now? Bet ya can't wait, huh?" or more often, high-fives and fist bumps as your crew mates cheered you on for your upcoming "big day."

You took it all in stride, just like every other day. Big smiles, return the high-five, maybe throw in some finger guns, toss in an affirmative and that you "couldn't wait."

But each time you died just a bit inside. How long could you put on this charade? You knew you wouldn't be able to go through with it. What was going to happen then? What would the rest of the crew say when they found out? Normally it wouldn't be such a big deal for so long, when other guys came of age it was usually forgotten by the others after a few days. However, you were going to come of age the very day of the next scheduled shore leave, which was going to happen in just a few days, and for some reason this just bred excitement among your peers and they wouldn't drop it.

You tried to put these thoughts out of your head as you entered the Mess Hall and got your breakfast.

Today you got to eat in relative peace, the attention being taken up by the story Narblik was telling about his last job on an icy planet and how he hadn't been sure he'd make it back when the blizzard hit. It was when you got up to turn in your tray and leave when a few other's started back up again.

Scrote whooped when he saw you stand, crying out a "Get 'em!" at you and someone else shouted back that you were "Gonna be a man!" until someone shouted back at them "She's a girl!" earning an apology and a correction that you were "Gonna be a woman!" that earned some laughter from the others. You knew the laughter wasn't directed at you, they weren't insulting your looks. Some species on the ship just had a hard time getting genders right because the concept of gender just wasn't a thing on their homeworlds.

You passed Horuz and a young green man named Rahi who high-fived you with an "Ayyy!" as was becoming the custom greeting for anyone wanting to congratulate you on it being almost your big day. You returned the greeting. He had just turned 17 three days before along with another young man he often ran around with, and you heard him talking with some others (There were about 5 or 6 of you all either about to turn the big 17 or who recently had since the last shore leave 3 months ago. It was an abnormally large amount of young people coming of age this time around, which you suspected was further reason why some were making such a bigger deal about this upcoming shore leave.) about being excited for shore leave, as that's when they'd be able to 'become men,' aka, would be able to find a whore to screw. Younger crew often had more of the cleaning jobs aboard the Eclector, and unless assigned with an older crew mate, didn't get to go on many away missions where they could try and woo a willing partner, and even then, Yondu liked quick turnarounds on jobs so there wasn't a whole lot off "goof off" time without being reprimanded. There was no real rule about screwing crew mates either, but most avoided it just in case things got weird after. Easier to just bang someone random on shore leave and then get back to work. No muss no fuss.

Horuz teasingly asked if you had any studs picked out yet and you just laughed and said "Ha, one of these lot? You're joking!" as you put your tray away.

You heard Yondu playfully scold the two from a couple tables over, telling them, "Oh, leave the poor girl alone, yer embarrassin' her!" as he laughed. Horuz just shouted back, "Aw now, I didn't even get to tell her about Oblo here's first time!" This was met with Oblo, who was sitting nearby, choking out a "Hey!" and punching Horuz in the arm.

Kraglin laughed now, "I think she's already heard that one! Let's not ruin anyone's meal now."

You shivered. You had heard the story before. It involved a broken member and many stitches. You weren't looking forward to hearing it again. "I'm out!" you say, looking for a way out of this conversation. "Got work to do." With that you turned and started to leave the mess hall.

"That's what I like to hear!" Yondu laughed from behind you. "Some of you lazy gits should start acting like her, don't wanna work unless yer told to." He knew you were just escaping having to hear the story again, but he wasn't going to miss an opportunity to razz up some of his crew.

You finally make your way out of the mess hall and allow your grin to fall. You run a hand over your face, making your way toward the laundry where you had been assigned to repair one of the machines. You were grateful it was both early in the week as well as early in the day as you entered the room. Most of the crew waited until they were completely out of clean clothes to do their washings, which typically resulted in most of the crew crowding the laundry at the end of the week, so you were sure to have at least an hour or three alone to yourself.

You made your way to the back left-hand corner of the room towards the broken machine. It should be an easy fix, the complaint was that it wasn't draining properly, so you figured it was just a clogged drain hose.

Upon opening up the machine you found you were right. it was just a clog. You retrieved a plumbing snake from a nearby supplies trunk and got to work fishing it out. Unfortunately this menial task gave you enough time to dwell on your problems rather than engaging your brain enough to force them into the back of your mind.

You kept thinking the word "broken" over and over. You couldn't get it out of your head how you couldn't bring yourself to just be excited over something everyone else seemed to love.

Your chest tightened. "Broken.. Loser..." Why couldn't you get over it? Why didn't you have these feelings like all the others?

You latched onto the clog and worked to pull it out. "

Broken..." Why was this so hard? "Broken... Stupid... Wrong..." What was wrong with you? "Stupid... Broken..." Why couldn't you just be like everyone else?!

With that last thought you pulled the clog out with an audible "Pop!" that almost made you fly backwards. You looked at it in disgust and dropped it into the nearby trashcan before re-attaching the hose and sliding down to the floor. No one was going to show up to the laundry this early, might as well take advantage of this time to wallow in your own misery.

That's what you told yourself at least. In truth you could feel tears burning your eyes and didn't want anyone to see you cry. Better to let it happen alone than risk another crew mate seeing you and thinking you were weak.

What you didn't know was that Yondu was also well aware of his Ravager crew's laundry habits, and took advantage of the empty communal laundry room at the beginning of the week to wash his own laundry undisturbed. He made his way down after breakfast, actually having forgotten he had assigned you to fix one of the machines, and was therefore quite surprised to walk in on you sat in the corner crying.

"What d'we have here?" he asked, more puzzled than anything. He never once seen you cry, which now that he thought about it was rather surprising. He saw grown men cry at least twice a week, most of them Peter, but still. He tried to cover up any concern with humor. "Did Halfnut leave his dirty drawers in the machine again? Smell's bad enough to make anyone cry."

You had been startled when he first walked in and you were currently trying to quickly straighten yourself up. "Nothing. Sorry Captain." you said, not looking him in the eye as you bent down to pick up the plumbing snake. "Nearly done here." you say, unable to hide a sniffle.

Yondu plopped his laundry basket on one of the long steel tables running up the middle of the room and sighed, turning to walk towards the door.

You look up in surprise as you heard the lock engage.

He looked at you, arms crossed, and said, "Ya really think I'm gonna buy that? Yer not leaving here until ya spill it. Now what's wrong? Somebody bein' mean to ya? Yer feminine-ly cycle -or whatever it's called- hurtin' ya again?"

You blushed and gave him a sharp look before placing the plumbing snake back where you found it.

Yondu rolled his eyes as he moved his basket over to a machine and tossed his clothes in. "Fine, be that way. But I meant what I said. Ya ain't leavin' til we sort it out. Might as well talk or it's gonna get mighty borin' in here." He turned on the machine and hoisted himself up to sit on the table, patting the space beside him.

You begrudgingly approach, not meeting his eyes, and lifted yourself up to sit down on the table.

"Now what's wrong?" he said again.

You fix your gaze on your lap and sigh. "You're just gonna make fun of me." You say sadly.

Yondu smirks. "Maybe. Still wanna hear it though." Upon seeing your face fall further he elbowed you and said, "I'm jus' kiddin'! What's the long face?"

Your eyes remain down and you quietly say, "I... don't wanna do it."

Yondu raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"I don't wanna do it." you repeat.

"Ya dun wanna do... what?" he asks in confusion. He at first assumed maybe you didn't want to do your assigned morning task of fixing the machine, but it seemed like you had already finished it, so he had no idea what you could possibly mean to even begin to be angry for any disobeyed orders. Also, he doubted he found you crying over something as silly as not wanting to fix a washing machine.

"It," you say, "You know, IT." you make a crude gesture with your fingers, forming a circle in one hand with your thumb and index finger and inserting the index finger of your other hand in and out of it, to hopefully get the point across.

Yondu's eyes widen a bit. "Oh!" he says in surprise, before continuing in confusion, "I don't get it? Ya seemed just as excited as could be a bit ago?"

"I've been faking it. Don't want the others to make fun of me."

"Come now! They won't ma-"

He's cut off by you giving him another sharp look. He looks forward again and nods, sighing, "Yeah, yer right. They will."

The two of you were quiet for a couple moments before Yondu awkwardly broke the silence. "Ya mind if I ask why? Like are ya scared or somethin'?" he looks at you with a raised eyebrow, slight concern painting his features.

He remembered his first time. As a battle-slave he didn't exactly see much action; the Kree weren't exactly fond of the idea of their battle-slaves reproducing or having any fun; and by the time Stakar freed him he was in his twenties. It was shortly after when with some other young Ravagers that the subject came up and he admitted he had never done it, only for his mates to excitedly cheer that they were taking him with them on shore leave so he could "become a man." He had been nervous, though he never expressed it out loud, not wanting to appear weak. He knew they meant well, but screwing a random whore just to fit-in and say he had wasn't something he had exactly been looking forward to, however peer pressure had encouraged him to go through with it. It wasn't too bad, he realized, but even knowing that he himself had come to enjoy the act, he always remembered the knot in his stomach leading up to his first time, and hearing you say that you might be scared of doing it made a similar knot form, only higher in his chest and feeling more like... pity? No, that wasn't quite it. Empathy? Yes, that was probably more accurate. Damn sentiment.

"It's not anything like that... it's just... I don't feel anything like that. I'm not even sure I'd know what that feeling is. It's just not there. I'm not scared, or even disgusted, I just feel... nothing."

"I'm not sure I follow..." Yondu said honestly. He supposed you feeling nothing was better than you being scared, but he still didn't quite understand.

"Ok, like, imagine you're surrounded by a feast, with everything you could ever want to eat, but you're not hungry. That's how I feel. I just don't want any of it," you said. Your voice cracked as you continued, "...and it's just so frustrating. Everyone else gets to be normal, while I just don't feel... anything. I don't want to do it-with anyone. When I think about it I feel nothing- it's like I'm broken." You covered your mouth, still not meeting Yondu's gaze as you tried to hold back frustrated tears.

Hearing you say that you thought you were broken tore at Yondu's heart. He wrapped an arm around you tightly and said in a firm voice, "Ya listen here. Yer not broken. I don't wanna hear that again. Look here."

You reluctantly do as he asks.

"Yer not broken," he said again, his face stern. "Sex doesn't make a person whole, so how could ya ever be broken, girl?"

You inhaled sharply as fresh tears pricked at your eyes. You hadn't realized until then that that was exactly what you needed to hear. You quickly wrap your arms around him, burying your face in his chest to hide your tears.

Taken aback at he sudden gesture, Yondu patted you on the back comfortingly and returned the hug. Good thing he locked the door. He doubted that any of his crew would be bothered to wash their clothes this early, but still, it would halt the possibility of new rumors that he was "going soft on the Terrans." He honestly wasn't sure he'd sleep tonight if he had to scold you for crying to save face with his crew right now.

You pulled back almost as soon as you went in, straightening up and quickly wiping your eyes.

"Feel better?"

You nodded.

Yondu sighed, "What to do now..." he said thoughtfully. "Ya know, I never actually liked this whole 'rite of passage' thing, to be fully honest. Crew just gets too wound up. Yer not the first to have reservations 'bout it. Handful of lads have come to me over the years, confiding that they were nervous, but scared of being bullied by the rest of the crew if they didn't go through with it. I suspect there might have been more, but were too scared of lookin' weak to tell their captain. I guess I can understand that."

Surprised by this honesty, you asked, "What did they do?"

"Faked it. They'd go on shore leave, pay a whore to put on a good loud show, yelling and banging on the walls 'n stuff, then lap up the congratulations of the rest of the crew for 'becoming a man.'"

You were further surprised that any of the the crew would have been that open with their captain to admit faking it. "Really?" you ask. "They told you about it after?"

"Who d'ya think told 'em to do it?" Yondu said, huffing a laugh out his nose.

That makes you smile, though you aren't quite sure why. After a moment of thought you say, "If you don't like the whole thing, why don't you stop it?"

Yondu sighed. "I don't think I could if I tried. It's widespread over all 100 Ravager factions. Doubt it do well to tell one faction they couldn't participate. Enough of them look forward to it they'd probably riot." Yondu laughed sardonically. "Not that I haven't thought about trying to steer the culture around it in a different direction. I can tell some of my older crew have the same thoughts, even if they won't admit it."

"How do you know if they never said?" you asked.

"The way they keep passing off horror stories as funny tales to the younger crew. Or did ya miss the story about how Vorker-"

"Nope! Heard it!" you cut him off suddenly. "I remember! I don't need to hear it again, please!" You held up your hands almost as if defending yourself from hearing it again, eyes wide. You most definitely did not need to hear a retelling of the time Vorker caught something very nasty off a girl he met on a job and the details that came with it. There were some rumors that it was how he really lost his eye, but you weren't sure of the truth behind those claims.

Yondu chuckled, patting you on the back. His expression changed when he said. "That's prob'ly what ya should do."

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"Fake it, I mean." he clarified. "Ya should wait til ya want to do it, with someone ya want, if that should ever happen. Not just go through with it to fulfill some dumbass rite of passage." He stared off into the space in front of him. "I can't really see another way to go 'bout it." he admitted. "If I called out for a change among the crew now they'd no doubt see the connection, think I was going soft 'cause yer the only girl here, and then it'd blowback on you. I ain't gonna let that happen." He gave you a look that you understood without him having to explain further. He actually cared about you, in a way similar to how he cared for Peter. He didn't want to see you hurt or bullied over something stupid like this.

You nodded in understanding, returning your gaze to the floor.

"Next shore leave is in a few days. I'll take care of it." Yondu said, his words surprising you.

"What?"

"Consider it a gift." he said, lightly punching you in the arm as he said, "Don't say I never gave ya anythin'."

"I don't understand?" you say, lightly laughing in confusion.

Yondu dramatically rolled his eyes and said, "Guess I gotta spell it out fer ya... I'll arrange for a "fake visit" from a nice whore-bot for ya. It actually costs more for them to fake it, if ya can believe it."

You stared at him, speechless. "I- thank you?" you finally say, blushing. You give him another quick hug.

"Ya, don't get used to it." he replied in his usual gruff fashion when you released him, but you knew better. The old softie.

Just then the machine buzzed, alerting that Yondu's clothes were finished washing. He stood from the table to switch them into a nearby dryer. Once done he turned back to face you. "Well, ya probably got other duties ya need to get to. Better get on 'em."

You smiled, giving him a mock-reluctant, "Yeah," before following him to the door.

You weren't expecting what happened next.

Yondu opened the door and exited, you following out behind. The hallway was no longer empty, and you heard the same young man from earlier, Rahi, call out from a group of two other Ravagers, "Ow Ow! Looks like she finally lost it to the Captain!"

No doubt he thought he was being funny, but he really, really, shouldn't have done that.

Yondu's whistle pierced the air, his arrow quickly finding its way to rest against Rahi's throat. "Ya wanna try that again?" Yondu growled.

Rahi couldn't find any words, just babbled out incoherent nonsense as he nearly shit his pants. The other two Ravagers in the group weren't laughing, just cowering with their friend afraid they'd be next once Yondu finished with him. Other crew mates standing within the hall also stopped to stare in stunned silence.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't run my arrow through ya for speakin' to yer captain like that? Even worse offense for implying I'd screw around with a child." Yondu's eyes were dark and full of rage. Even you were a bit frightened, enough to almost let the child comment slide, and you weren't even the target.

"Dude! He's so old! Ew!" you shout over to the terrified young Ravager, hoping to help the situation by making it clear that nothing like that was ever going to be a thing. And, if you were to be honest, slight payback for Yondu calling you a child.

Yondu whipped his head around to you, and you caught a momentary expression of "You little shit!" before he said, "And don't ya forget it!"

He turned back to Rahi. "I'm waiting." he said, still glowering and crossing his arms expectantly.

Rahi was still busy freaking out. It looked like he was about to cry. He eventually managed to squeak out a, "I'm sorry!" among his pleas for Yondu not to kill him.

Yondu called back his arrow. "That's what I thought. For yer smart mouth you and the other two there are gonna wash the outside of the Eclector, and yer all gonna keep at it until the whole ship's clean." With a smug smile he added. "Guess yer all gonna miss out on shore leave."

This obviously didn't go over well with Rahi's friends, who were now glaring and smacking him at the back of his green head. The next shore leave after the upcoming one wouldn't happen for another 3 months.

"Ya heard me. Git going. And yer still all responsible fer yer other duties too." Yondu added.

The three young men begrudgingly started making their way past when Yondu stopped them again with an, "Ah, Ah, Ah." making them turn back, dreading what else he might have to add.

"I think ya better apologize to this young lady too, for thinking she'd want her first time to be with someone so old." He looked at you pointedly as he said this and you squinted back at him, a nervous giggle escaping your throat as you rubbed the back of your head. Shouldn't have spoke up and called your captain old, now he was going to have to make an example of you as well for mouthing off. "Yer gonna be cleaning out the brig for that one, missy." he said, loud enough for everyone else to hear. Had to make it look good, after all.

Rahi muttered out an apology before scurrying away with his now very irritated mates, but not before Yondu cried out after him with a, "I'm startin' to think some of ya are gettin' a lil' too wound up about this lil' rite of passage among ya young-ins. It'd sure be a shame if you were the reason I decided to put an end to it." He said this with a thick veil of warning. It was a threat, and one you hadn't expected to hear after the conversation you just had with him.

It was clear that no one else in hallway had expected to hear this from their captain either. Looks of shock were exchanged among the Ravagers in the hallway. Rahi and his buddies' eyes all widened in shock when his words finally sunk in and their scurry turned into a sprint to get away before they could make things even worse. That comment Rahi made had apparently pissed the captain off bad.

"What the rest of ya staring at?" Yondu said, startling the rest of the hallway dwelling crew into motion. "I know ya'll got shit to do, get on it!" He looked at you and cocked his head as if to say "Get moving." and you obeyed, making your way toward the brig to complete your extra cleaning duties.

Yondu did his best to hide a smirk as he made his way down to his quarters. He knew rumors would start spreading like wildfire about Rahi nearly causing Yondu to put an end to the rite of passage after that display. It was bound to piss more than a few of the younger crew off. He didn't care much for the lazy shit anyway, so it was better the crew think he was the reason for any upcoming changes rather than you, and if it succeeded in helping him end the whole culture around that particular thing, even better. They really did get too wound up about it.

***

The morning of shore leave came and you were nervous as hell. Yondu had pulled you aside the night before to let you know he had taken care of what he promised, and described the whore-bot he paid to help you fake it so you would know which one to accept. Still, even knowing it was taken care of you couldn't help the growing pit of nervousness in your stomach, though you did your best to hide it.

Since clearly the Eclector couldn't dock on the planet, being about a mile and a half long and all, Ravagers on shore leave would pool together on M-ships for the journey to and back, kind of like a funny buddy-system.

As per usual, you pooled in a ship with Yondu, Kraglin, and Peter along with Tullk, Oblo, and Horuz. Yondu and Kraglin sat up front to pilot, Tullk, Oblo and Horuz filled in the middle, while you and Peter got put in the back, as always.

While the older men laughed and carried on in front of you, you felt Peter nudge you in the arm. You looked over to see him looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "You ok?" he asked, having noticed how you were unusually quiet and fidgety.

"Yeah, I'm great." you lied, "Never better."

Peter rolled his eyes with a knowing smile. "Don't give me that. Are ya nervous?" he asked, obviously knowing full well what everyone expected you'd be doing on this shore leave. "You can tell me. I won't tell anyone."

You gave him a look, saying, "No!" before coming clean with a, "Fine. A little." as you turned your gaze down into your lap to fidget with your watch some more.

"It'll be ok," he assured, "I was a little nervous my first time, too," he admitted. Peter was a few years older than you at 20, and it was hard for you to picture him having been nervous about it, seeing as he now seemed to be trying to work his way through every cute girl in the galaxy.

"Really?" you asked, eyeing him skeptically.

"Yeah. I mean, I was still super excited, but I was a little nervous too. Those horror stories the older guys tell us really get to you."

You giggled with him, remembering what Yondu had told you the other day.

Peter continued, "But anyway, you're gonna be fine. But I did want to give you this." He pulled something out of his jacket pocket and handed it to you. It was a condom.

"Peter!" you whisper-shouted, blushing.

"Hey, if you're gonna do it, I wanna know you're being smart about it. Always use protection. Even with the Love-bots. Can't ever be too careful." He held his hand out more insistently.

You blushed harder and accepted the gift, even though you knew you wouldn't be needing it. "Thanks."

"Come on now, don't get all frowny on me. I'm just looking out for you." Peter teased, aiming a few pokes at your ribs, knowing it always got a good giggle or two out of you.

It worked. Giggles escaped your throat as you twisted in your seat and swatted at his hand, "Quit it!" you squeaked, but his mission was accomplished anyway, you were smiling now.

"There we go!" he teased, grinning at you.

"Shush!" you replied, sticking your tongue out at your friend and laughing when he flicked you in the arm for it. Soon enough the two of you were in a slap battle. You weren't really fighting, and neither of you struck with the intent to hurt (well, not much anyway) it was just how the two of you played sometimes. This carried on until you heard Yondu announce that you all had made it to your destination, and then the nervousness started to creep back into your belly.

Peter and you were the last off the ship. Yondu and the other men headed off, leaving the two of you to your own devices with calls to behave yourselves, but "not too much" *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

You almost wished he had stuck around longer, but you knew he had already done his part. It would look weird if he stuck around to hold your hand, so to speak. You look to Peter, wanting to stall just a bit longer. "So, ya hungry?"

"Figured you'd want to get right to business," he teased. He knew you were probably stalling, but decided to go along with it anyway rather than abandon you straight away. You had been here before, but he knew this time was different. This time there was a pressure to do something new, and you had already admitted you were nervous about it.

"Uh, can't do it on an empty stomach," you say, forcing a smile.

He ruffled your hair. "Good point. I'm starving." He suggested you two grab some fries at the nearby bar inside the brothel (the whole place was the brothel, let's be honest) and you followed him.

When you both had finished you tried to think of something else to stall, maybe play some pool? However, you never got the chance, for a whore-bot with green hair and looking to be around your age came over to your table to greet you. It was the one Yondu told you to look for, and it asked if it could "show you a good time." You looked nervously at Peter who shot you a thumbs up while trying not to laugh. You glanced back at the bot and tentatively nodded, which Peter took as a sign to high-tail it out of there, leaving you alone. The bot asked for your ID, as you knew it would, and part of you wished you "forgot" it back on the ship, knowing that the bots were programed to refuse service to anyone under the age of 17 and required ID of younger-looking patrons to prove it.

After scanning your ID, the bot took you by the hand and flirtatiously led you across the room to a set of stairs. You began to hear some cheers as you ascended the stairs behind the bot and you were blushing too hard to even attempt to ham it up for their benefit.

Once in the room the bot turned to you. "I understand this isn't meant to be an ordinary engagement. Mr. Udonta left instructions to only perform counterfeit coitus, correct?"

You blushed and nodded, taken aback by the professionalism of the sex-bot, before wondering if you were being rude by assuming otherwise.

"Have you done this before?"

You shook your head, still blushing.

"It's alright. There's plenty of time to figure it out. I've been booked for three hours."

You sputtered. "Excuse me?!" you cried, trying not to be too loud. "Three-? What are we supp-"

The bot gave a laugh and held up its hand. "Do not worry, Miss. I was paid extra to deliver that joke. Mr. Udonta felt it would be very funny. I've only actually been booked for an hour, the standard amount of time."

You let a sigh of relief. You still felt that an hour was going to drag on, but at least it wasn't flarkin' three. "So, what do we do?"

The bot took your hand again and led you to the large bed in the center of the room. "Lie down here." You looked at the bot nervously and it clarified. "The noises will be more realistic if both our weights are on the bed."

You did as the bot instructed and it climbed over you. "I understand this may be awkward, but I'll ask that you trust the process. I will do this," the bot began to rhythmically rock its body back and forth, each rock ending in its hands hitting the headboard and making it knock into the wall behind it. "and then you can start making moaning sounds, you can repeat after me." The bot then started moan, encouraging you with a gesture of its hand when you were too busy blushing to follow the lead. You did your best to mimic the sounds. "We shall continue like this for 10 minutes, and then rest." the bot instructed, ushering you again with more hand gestures when you paused to give it a puzzled look.

After several minutes the bot prompted you to get louder, and then louder again still a few moments after. You realized it was coaching you to simulate you approaching the climax and you got nervous again, not knowing what to do when "that moment" was meant to happen. The bot read your face and told you to relax, just follow it's lead as it thumped against the wall faster and it moaned louder.

You followed its lead until it told you to make a last few loud "Oh's!" and then it began to slow its thumping before coming to a stop.

Whoops and laughter could be heard from the bar outside the door shortly after, and you blushed harder as the bot crawled off of you. "We will now have a few minutes of rest before beginning another simulation."

You sat up. "So we'll just keep repeating like this until the time's up?" you asked.

"Not quite," answered the bot. "We'll change things up a bit, different positions, different sounds, helps to keep it interesting."

"This seems like a lot of work?" you say.

"Yes, well we're paid to put on a show here. Might as well ensure it's convincing," the bot answered with a shrug and a smile.

You winced as you realized you could hear similar noises you had just faked coming from the rooms next to yours and then more whooping and cheering once they, too, stopped. "The walls are kinda thin in here, huh?" you say awkwardly.

The bot smiled sympathetically, "It seems that way, but not really. Only the louder noises make it out. Normal conversation levels are typically left unheard from outside the rooms, so you're clear to speak freely if that was a concern."

"Good to know," you say. You honestly had been a little concerned about that. "So, do we just sit around then?"

"I could give you a massage, if you'd like."

"That... actually sounds really nice. Sure, thank you." You accept the offer, realizing you could use a little stress reliever. "What's your name, by the way?" you ask, feeling a bit guilty for not having asked the bot's name before then and wondering if you should feel silly about that or not.

"You may call me Finn," the bot answered, not seeming fazed in the slightest. "Would you prefer to remove your clothes or leave them on?" The bot- Finn- motioned for you to turn around to give it access to your back.

"Um, clothes on, please?" you say, reaching for your zipper. "But I'll take off my jacket."

"Alright." The bot said, it's tone not caring in the slightest, and you supposed it very likely didn't care one way or another. It went straight to work, starting slow by gathering your hair and pulling it back and up almost as if it were going to tie your hair in a ponytail, but instead of securing an elastic it just repeated this motion a few more times. It was actually very relaxing, and it made you wish you had someone around to play with your hair more often.

With a final gentle tug the bot moved one hand to your forehead while the other worked at the back of your neck, kneading where the nape of your neck met your skull, making you close your eyes and sigh deeply.

To your delight the bot then threaded its fingers through your hair, scratching gently at your scalp. A soft hum escapes you as you stopped yourself from leaning into to touch out of shyness, and you almost let out a whine when the scratching stopped. However, you were soon soothed by the bot beginning to knead into your neck and shoulders.

You had just barely stopped yourself from moaning once when the bot then pressed into another spot that made it impossible to not make a sound, though you tried. Finn speaks up. "Let yourself relax fully," the bot encouraged. "It's alright to allow yourself to be noisy here, may even work to your benefit under the circumstances."

You giggled slightly and blushed. Finn was right, after all. If there were any time to just let go and relax it would technically be here and now. Before you could think much further Finn had dragged the knuckles of each thumb up each side of your spine with just the right amount of pressure to coax a genuine moan out of you, surprising you as it happened. You had never really realized before just how much stress your work as a Ravager took out on your back. You began to wonder if these Love-bots were also designed to be professional masseuses, because Finn seemed to know exactly what they were doing, and it was amazing.

Finn ended the massage a bit later by working back up your back and working their fingertips back into your hair for a last bit scalp massage.

You were almost disappointed when it ended, but when it was over you turned to look at the Love-bot. "Thank you, that was really nice." you say.

"Anytime." Finn smiled. "We still have twenty minutes left, shall we begin another simulation?"

You sighed. "I suppose. He paid for an hour, might as well act like I'm using it." You smiled, not feeling quite as bitter about the situation anymore after the massage. Finn really did have magic fingers. Or state of the art massage programing. Probably the latter.

"Indeed." Finn answered. "After all, there are no refunds."

You let out a slight chuckle at the bot's bluntness. "Alright, so what now?"

The next simulation involved you both standing on the edge of the bed with the wall to hold your balance as you bounced slightly up and down to make the bed squeak. The bot encouraged your to make similar noises as before, but to also throw out some curses, like, "Oh! Fuck!" It even did the same, occasionally calling out a "Yes! Right there! Oh, yes!" that made you raise an eyebrow. You had to fight from giggling the whole time at the situation. It was pretty funny after all. You were both jumping on the bed like children.

When that simulation had finished you sat down on the bed and looked at Finn. "Do you guys... er...-bots?... feel anything?" you asked, referring to the language the bot had used earlier. "Or are you just supposed to say stuff like that as an act?"

"We don't have nerve endings, and therefore we don't really 'feel things' like you might, but there are certain sensors that can be activated during a session with a client and prompt a correct response. However, as this session is only a simulation, I suppose you can call my dialogue 'acting.'"

You half-grinned when the realization of the bot's words hit you. "Are you saying... you're like a 'sexy' arcade game?" you say, trying not to giggle, before becoming suddenly afraid that might have been offensive. "I mean- obviously you're not a toy- I mean- I didn't mean to offend you."

The bot chuckled. "There's no need to worry. There are certain similarities, one could see how you might draw that conclusion."

You blushed again and attempted to change the subject. "So... what are we going to do with the last simulation?"

"You have a couple options. We can simulate against the door, or we can simulate bending over the bed. We could also simulate oral, but the noises you made during the massage more or less already worked in its favor."

You blushed at that. You already knew the door was out of the question, as you had an admittedly irrational fear that it might pop open as you were faking the deed. "We can try over the bed."

"Very well. This one will require less movement of you, you may remain seated there." Finn said as they stood up and moved to stand with their legs between your own. "This one may also be a bit awkward," the bot warned, "as it requires thrusting into the bed on my part. Ready?"

You nodded hesitantly and the bot began a steady rhythm of motion against the bed, making it creak.

The bot was right. This was more awkward, and you were grateful when it was finally over with about five minutes to spare.

You stood from bed and grabbed your jacket. "Thanks. This wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be." you said truthfully. In fact, you really almost thought you'd come back if for no other reason than to get another back rub.

"You still have five more minutes, is there anything else I can do for you today?"

You smiled shyly and said, "Well, I won't argue if you play with my hair again..."

***

You were of course greeted with congratulatory cheers and high-fives when you exited the room along with the other few crew mates who had recently come of age... and had still been allowed to attend shore leave that is. R.I.P Rahi and his friends. (They hadn't died, but you can bet they were probably really regretting pissing Yondu off.)

A few fellow Ravagers bought you some congratulatory drinks and the rest of the night seemed to fly by.

Eventually you caught back up with Peter and shortly after that Yondu announced it was time to head back, which of course received some disappointed grumbling among the crew. However, nobody argued, knowing it might cost them their next shore leave if they got "fussy like toddlers" as Yondu would say.

You and Peter got back to the ship to find Tullk and Oblo already there waiting. Horuz showed up just after and sighed to see Yondu and Kraglin weren't there yet. Yondu and Kraglin were the only ones with keys to Yondu's M-ship, so you all had to stand outside and converse among yourselves as he took his sweet time getting there.

He was probably just paying the Sneeper woman who owned the place and would be there any minute, but 'any minute' still felt like forever when it was cold.

Eventually he and Kraglin did show up and unlock the ship so you could all get in.

Once inside the ship and mostly everyone had strapped in Kraglin called back to you from the co-pilots seat with tipsy laughter in his voice. "So d'ya have fun? Feel any different? Any horror stories to add to the list?" He looked teasingly at Oblo and Oblo flipped him the bird.

Yondu swatted at him, saying, "Aw, leave the girl alone," but there was also laughter in his scolding, so he wasn't that serious.

You answered anyway. "Ya. Had a blast, Kraglin. Smooth sailing. Just a little sleepy."

This made the other men chuckle, though you weren't entirely sure why, although you could guess.

Yondu piped up. "If she falls asleep Quill's gotta carry her in."

Peter scoffed with a laugh. "Why do I gotta?" he said, before turning to you to add. "You better not fall asleep then."

"Well if you fall asleep I ain't carrying you in! Probably break my back if I tried. You can just stay sleeping in the ship." you laughed back.

"Why you little!" Peter cried out with a grin, aiming to poke you in the ribs, but you dodged him, returning a swat of your own to his arm. And, like on the way over, the two of you were engrossed in another slap battle. The others just let you two carry on, busy with their own conversations and laughing amongst themselves.

Eventually you and Peter did tire yourselves out and Yondu chuckled to the other men when after docking the ship he noticed you had both fallen asleep, curled up in your respective seats. Oblo snapped a picture, cooing, "Aw look! Ain't that precious!"

"Send that to me." Yondu said with a grin. "Might blow it up, hang it in the Mess Hall." This earned a laugh from the others. He looked at Tullk with a grin before exiting the ship. "Ya better wake 'em. I'm sure as hell not carryin' them to bed."

***

The next morning Yondu was alone in his quarters when he decided to call up Stakar.

After a few rings Stakar's face comes up on the screen, and the two men give a Ravager salute in greeting before Stakar asks what's brought Yondu to call him.

"I wanna talk to ya about that whole coming of age and having sex thing."

Stakar raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"

"Younger crew just get too wound up about it. It ain't healthy." Yondu responded.

Stakar still looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Ya know what I mean." Yondu said firmly. "They get all wound up like it's the most important thing in the world, and it's because everyone makes a big old deal outta something silly like that."

"It hasn't been a problem before?" Stakar said thoughtfully. "What's changed? It's that Terran girl isn't it? Of course. She just came of age." Stakar shook his head. "I don't care what you say, you're soft on her and Peter. You can't get attached and let them influence your judgement like that, Yondu."

"No, it ain't like that," Yondu said, trying to cover his ass and continuing before Stakar can interrupt him. "It's got nothin' to do with them. I just can't have my crew bullying their mates just cause they don't wanna fuck yet or lettin' the whole thing get to their heads makin' them all disrespectful-like. Almost had to keel-haul a few boys who suddenly thought they were big enough to start disrespecting their captain over it."

Stakar looked at him suspiciously. "No, we can't have that... What do you propose then? It's not like we can stop them. You tell young people they can't do something, they're only gonna do it more."

"I know that- Look. I'm not sayin' we do away with it entirely. I could care less what they do on shore-leave. But we can maybe make them realize it's not such a big damn deal. Ya know, slow-like. Maybe they'd stop getting so wound-up about it." Yondu said, quickly adding, "If they're less focused on that maybe they'd work harder."

Stakar thought for a bit. Yondu was right, he thought. He had noticed the younger crowd getting a bit wound up about it, and sometimes they did let the excitement get ahead of their duties... "Maybe you're right," he conceded. "If it's affecting their jobs maybe we should try and change the culture around it... I'll talk with some of the other captains and get back to you."

Yondu grinned and nodded. "All I ask."

***

You felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. It was the day after shore-leave and no one had brought up how you "Became a woman" at all. It was as if the previous week's excitement had been completely forgotten, and you couldn't be happier.

You did notice in the following days that Rahi seemed to be getting a bit of flack. He hadn't been particularly well liked before, always trying to push his duties off on other crew mates or blaming others for things he had broken, but now he was practically a pariah. Even his buddies didn't seem to want much to do with him, though that could be because they were still mad that they had been dragged under into his punishment despite not having done anything to deserve it other than be with him at the time.

You almost felt bad for him until Peter explained that along with the 'written' rule that Ravagers don't deal in kids; harming or forming inappropriate relationships with children and teens (i.e: having sexual relations with younger crew) was also a HUGE no-no. Even worse if the offender is someone high-ranking. Rahi, though he just thought he was being funny, had more or less unwittingly falsely accused Yondu of breaking that part of the code with the joke he made, hence why Yondu had been so offended and pissed. Peter was honestly surprised Yondu had let him live after that.

He also added that no one wants to be around someone who thinks it's funny to make those particular jokes. Real accusations of that nature are taken very seriously among Ravager Clans, so if someone is found to just be flippantly saying crap like that, the general feel is that it makes it harder for real victims to be heard, so the crew will tend to shun the offender to make it clear that behavior isn't acceptable. And well, if the offender didn't learn their lesson pretty quick and get back into the good graces of their captain and crew, they'd quickly find themselves to be cannon fodder.

Even Ravagers know there's a line between raunchy and unacceptable.

There may have also been the matter that when Yondu had said "I'm startin' to think some of ya are gettin' a lil' too wound up about this lil' rite of passage among ya young-ins. It'd sure be a shame if you were the reason I decided to put an end to it." much of the crew, after the rumor had gotten twisted up a bit via game of telephone, had taken it to mean that Rahi had almost gotten shore-leave taken away from everyone- forever. And well, that just didn't sit right with a lot of folks. It was a final nail in the coffin, if you will.

However, what you didn't know was about Yondu's conversation with Stakar.

Stakar did go talk to the other captains, and more than a few did finally admit similar instances among their younger ranks after having heard through the grapevines about a giant stink a lad called Rahi had caused on Udonta's ship. They admitted to instances of bullying, pressure, and disrespect occurring and directly related to the particular rite of passage and collectively agreed with Yondu that a change surrounding the culture could be beneficial, much to Yondu's surprise, and also his relief.

He never did tell you about his conversation with Stakar, though he was sure you may start to suspect if everything went well and things started changing regarding that particular aspect of life. As long as no one else had to feel like he saw you feeling that night in the laundry, he'd be happy.

You had come to his quarters the day after the visit to Contraxia, knocking almost as soon as he had hung up with Stakar. You had wanted to thank him him for helping you, both with the advice and with the Love-Bot. You told him how you felt so much better after having that talk with him, and how you no longer felt broken.

He'd never say, because screw sentiment, but it warmed his heart to know he helped you realize there was nothing wrong with you, that you had never been damaged. You two parted with a hug and he let you know to not be afraid if you needed to come to him about stuff like that in the future, just not to make a habit of telling the others lest they accuse him of going soft.

You were his little girl, something else he never intended to say out loud, because again, screw sentiment. He felt a responsibility for your well-being, even if you could be a little shit like Peter sometimes.

Ah, fuck sentiment. He knew you two were his kids, and he was damn proud.

***

About a week after shore leave you and Peter happened across Yondu outside the Mess Hall doors as you were heading in for supper.

"Hey, look! It's Terran One and Terran two!" Yondu said, oddly loudly.

"Um, hi?" You gave him an odd look. "What's up?"

"Now why would ya think somethin's up? Can't a captain greet his crew outside the Mess Hall before dinner?"

'Something's definitely up.' you thought, sharing a glance with Peter who was clearly thinking the same thing. "Are we in trouble? Did we do something?" Peter chuckled nervously. He didn't know about you, but he had maybe definitely rigged a supply closet in the control room with some firecrackers, and he wasn't sure if some poor soul (probably Kraglin) had already fell victim to it, meaning he was about to be in hot water.

You were also grinning nervously. You didn't know about Peter's firecrackers, but you had also maybe definitely hidden some poppers under the cushion of Yondu's desk chair that morning when he was busy on the other side of the ship, but you weren't going to just turn yourself in without more information, now were you?

"I dunno, you tell me." Yondu said, smirking. "Are you in trouble? Ya'll got a guilty conscience?"

You and Peter shared a nervous glance. You both knew you both were most definitely guilty of something, however you two had a code. Never turn yourself in, and never turn your buddy in. You looked back at Yondu, suppressing a nervous giggle. "No? I don't think so?"

Kraglin then came outside the Mess Hall doors to stand with Yondu. Kraglin had a big shit eating grin on his face, almost as if he were trying not to laugh when he saw you and Peter there.

Yondu threw him a glance which Kraglin returned with a nod. You noticed this and you exchanged another look with Peter. Something was definitely up. This felt like a trap.

"Well, what're ya waiting for? Get in there and grab some supper!" Yondu ordered, grinning strangely. He opened the door for you- oh shit something was absolutely up here.

You and Peter eyed him suspiciously but obeyed, entering the Mess hall without a word.

Once inside you noticed the rest of the crew inside were all oddly quiet, all staring at the two of you with grins and some suppressing giggles behind their hands. You heard the doors shut behind you and turned to see Yondu and Kraglin standing in front of them, both donning the biggest shit eating grins of all time.

"Cap'n has a surprise for you guys, d'ya- do ya like it?" Kraglin asked, trying to suppress his own giggles.

You heard Peter exclaim a, "Oh hell no!" and you turned to see what had caught his attention, noticing the crew had finally broke out into loud raucous laughter around you.

Hanging high on the wall about 10 feet to the right of the Mess Hall entrance doors was a humongous blown up photo of you and Peter. It was the photo you guys didn't know Oblo had snapped when you returned from Contraxia. It showed the two of you each curled up asleep in your respective seats of Yondu's M-ship. Peter was sucking his thumb. You were cuddling one of Yondu's softer dash toys.

You both paled as you stared up at the giant poster hung high on the wall. Hung conveniently high enough that neither of you would be able to reach it to rip it down, although Peter made a few good attempts.

Your eyes narrowed at your captain as he approached you, his laughter matching that of the crew. He pulled you towards him and ruffled your hair as he asked. "What's the matter? Ya don't like yer surprise?"

You glared up at him as Peter was now climbing up on a chair in a vain attempt to reach and pull the photo down. "This so means war, blue man!"

"Don't pick fights ya can't win, pipsqueak." Yondu laughed. "Consider this payback for those poppers in my chair, and ya can tell Peter this is for those firecrackers in the supply closet."

You sighed and punched him in the arm, but he only laughed and pulled you in close to ruffle your hair again, "Oh lighten up! Ya don't really expect me to just let my kids have all the fun, huh?"

You jerked your head towards him with a surprised expression, and it seemed it was only then he realized what he had said. Grateful that no one else would have heard it over his noisy crew he attempted to backtrack. "Uh, don't read too much into it." he said, clapping you on the back and announcing to Kraglin that he was going to grab some food. Kraglin, who was busy laughing at Peter, who had seemingly given up his attempts to rip down the photo in favor of walking dejectedly back over to you, nodded and joined his Captain in obtaining some supper.

Peter and you turned to face the photo again, the laughter from the crew still not having died down. Peter spoke first. "This means war, right?"

"Definitely. I had already set up a dye pack in Yondu's shower earlier. He'll be a weird shade of purple by morning," you affirmed with a grin.

"Nice. We gotta get one on Kraglin too."

"Absolutely," you reply. "After supper?"

"Yeah. After supper." Peter agreed.

The two of you made your way to get your supper, ignoring the laughs and teases of the other Ravagers along the way and discussing further options of getting Yondu and Kraglin back for this.

He may be like a father to you two, but that didn't mean he'd get off easy.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

The Sacrifice Part 6: Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader

synopsis: you have to give to get. But are you willing to do what it takes?

wc: 1.5k

tw: none

masterlist

You’re sitting across from the Rain God, his face stern and unmoving.

“Geto, I assume you have brought me here to discuss the reason why I have withheld rain from this woman’s village.”

“Yes,” Geto begins, bringing the noodles to his mouth. “That, and I need you to explain to her how to renew your favor with them.”

“Making love to a human can breed ill-effects,” Yuta murmurs, his lips connecting with his cup, but his eyes never leave your face. “You know this as well as I do, your Holiness.” Your head turns towards Geto, but the strange words from the god are not explained to you. Instead, Geto laces his fingers together and nods.

“Indeed, your Graciousness, but I am asking you to give y/n some insight, that is all.” Yuta runs his tongue over his teeth, then scoots his chair back.

“Why do you care so much about the people who tried to have you murdered, y/n?” he wonders, and you hang your head slightly.

“I’m not so heartless that I would wish everyone dead because of one person’s actions, your Graciousness.” Yuta huffs out a laugh, then leans forward on his knees, eyeing you carefully.

“One person’s actions can cause a whirlwind of consequences. Your General Commissioner has done quite a lot for a man his age.” You sigh, pushing your hair back behind your ears as you feel deep disgust for the elder’s crimes. First, he killed the Dragon God’s sister. Then, he angered Yuta somehow. What else had he done?

“Tell me, what did he do, and what must I do to make it right?” Yuta skillfully dodges your question, waving it away with his hand and sighing.

“Unfortunately, Gakuganji made a pact with the God of Death long ago, before he enraged me or Geto. What would make it right could very well endanger your own life. And I’m sure the Dragon God will not allow anything of the sort, will he?” The man’s eyes slide to Geto, who is clenching the armrest with a white-knuckle grip. “It’s either that or…” Yuta places his head on a propped-up fist. “You can give her to me for a week.”

“A week?” You stand, shaking from outrage. “No.” Geto sits still, eyes cast downward. “No!”

“Only a week?” Geto wonders, still not looking at either you or Yuta.

“Just a week. Compared to eternity, it’s nothing.”

“You’re seriously considering this?” you ask Geto, and he finally looks up at you, his black eyes full of worry.

“It’s better than going against Toji. I trust Yuta will be nothing but honorable while you are with him.” You flinch at this admission, and back out of the room slowly, unsure of what to say other than a string of curses you wouldn’t be able to take back. Yuta’s dark blue eyes follow you, a smirk playing across his face as you turn around, marching off to your room in silence.

_____________________________________________________________

“Y/n, you have to listen to me.”

Clymenestra is staring at your face in the mirror, the tears scrubbed away from your appearance before she had the nerve to enter the room. “If I had to choose between Toji or Yuta, I would choose Yuta in a heartbeat. Facing the wrath of Toji could be the end for you. Either way, he’d get what he wanted, which is more souls to reap and bargains made.” You shake your head, hoping there’s another way for you to save your city and get rid of Gakuganji without having to deal with any other gods.

“Toji has the upper hand,” you note, fiddling with your fingers. “What good will staying with Yuta for a week do?”

“Yuta is one of the older gods,” Helen murmurs, and you look over to her in confusion. “Compared to Geto, he looks younger, but he’s eons older than him. And he might have some insight into what you can do to help get rid of Gakuganji.”

“Why haven’t any of you wanted to stop the General Commissioner?” you wonder, turning around in your seat, and the girls look away with varying levels of sheepishness.

“I was so thankful to be free from that place that I never once considered saving a single soul from there.” Cly offers, shrugging. “And I couldn’t save them now even if I wanted to.”

“But what about next year? We’ll have another girl torn from her family and brought here, where she may never be able to rejoin them, even in death.” None of the girls respond, and when you realize they’re just as selfish as Gakuganji, you push back your chair with force. “Have none of you thought of anyone but yourselves?” you yell, just as the door to the room swings open, revealing Geto and Yuta.

“Clymenestra, pack y/n a few things. She’ll be coming with me to the Realm of Rain,” Yuta announces, but you shake your head.

“There has to be another way to get some answers.”

“There isn’t,” Geto states, looking at you sternly. “If you want to save your people, then you’ll go with him.” Everything in you wants to rebel against his words, but then you consider the alternative.

Toji Fushiguro was not just feared by you, but every single immortal being in the room - except Yuta. If Yuta could give you a way to make things right without having to make a bargain with Toji… wouldn’t a week be the least of your problems? Silently, you give in. There were only two options, and by the looks of it, you would be less ashamed if you took the one Yuta offered.

As you walk towards Geto, he holds his hand out, then takes yours and presses a soft kiss to it. “If I leave with you, I will never depart from your side,” he whispers, and you nod twice. “It won’t be long. Just a few nights is all he’s asking for. I'll be here waiting for you when you return, my love." He pulls you in for a deep, loving embrace and kisses you with just as much desire as the night before.

Cly reappears with your things, and Yuta clasps his hands together, which makes you pull away from Geto abruptly.

“Perfect, we should make it just in time for lunch.”

_____________________________________________________________

You arrive on a solid cloud - unlike the ones from the night before - to the Realm of Rain, with Yuta holding his hand up to help you down. You take it graciously and step onto the mirror-like water below, your footsteps barely making the surface move. “Up ahead is my palace. I will have the attendants prepare your room while I give you a tour. Then, your lessons will begin.”

As if previously hidden by a mirage of nothingness, a massive, five-story high palace looms in front of you both. The beige-colored brick is covered with greenery: vines, grasses, and a singular tree at the top of the palace. It appears to be hovering slightly above the water, its presence overwhelming but alluring all the same. You can see little birds flitting to and from the palace windows, and flowers of various colors dotting the greasy knolls on the roofs of lower levels. It all seemed so beautiful and peaceful, but appearances could always be deceiving.

“What lessons will you give me?” you ask him as the castle draws near, and he hums thoughtfully.

“First, you need to know what happened between Gakuganji and me. Then, you’ll need to learn how to avoid Toji in order to kill Gakuganji once and for all.”

“Wait,” you halt. “Kill Gakuganji?” Yuta turns back to you, his dark blue eyes mischievous but unyielding.

“Oh, yes,” he smiles, jerking his chin at you. “And then you’ll deliver his soul to me. That’s how you can make things right.”

“Why can’t you kill him?” you wonder. “Why can’t Geto kill him?”

“Because every immortal is bound by the pacts given by the God of Death. He’s one of the eldest gods, and his bargains are binding forever. They cannot be rewritten or undone by anyone outside of the two parties.”

“So, if I get Gakuganji to break his bargain, then I can kill him?”

“Yes and no,” Yuta begins, looking over at you as he steps under the archway that leads to the entrance. “You can get Gakuganji to break his bargain and he will die, but Toji will come and collect his soul immediately. You need to get him to break his bargain, but somewhere where Toji has no domain.”

“The God of Death has domain everywhere,” you whisper, and Yuta shakes his head.

“Yes and no, again,” he replies, pushing open the door. It’s only then that Yuta turns around to face you fully, hands spread wide. “If you get him to become a sacrifice, then Toji has no domain over Geto’s property. That would effectively break the bargain and aid you in delivering his soul to me. Think you’re up to the task?” You raise a brow, then smirk at the god with confidence.

“Of course.”

_____________________________________________________________ TAGLIST: @sunfloweroranges @jibe-gajima @jotazinha @brownskinnedgirll @leanne-tamashi @vabybizzle @amaris9 @fuegy-fuegy @ambiguous-something @kontentious@missbonekitty @fyotituti @honouredsatoru @sandyscastle @flare-on @sasahime @ggotgame @just4readingfics

[bamf-jaskier]

Who the Fuck is Eskel?

If you have ever gone on The Witcher tag on Tumblr, I’m sure you’ve seen dozens of blogs dedicated to this guy named Eskel and for people who have just seen the show you might be wondering - who the fuck is this guy? 

Hi, I’m Aaliyah, and this is Part 5 of my WTF Series - a crash course in subjects from The Witcher Books. 

Post under the cut

Let’s jump in by talking about what books Eskel is in. He’s only mentioned in one line in The Last Wish, The Tower of Swallows and The Time of Contempt. He has a flashback scene in Lady of the Lake and the only book where he plays a heavy role in is Blood of Elves. 

For all you Eskel Stans out there, this is good news, because it looks like S2 of the show is going to be taking some cues from Blood of Elves and we do know Eskel is going to be appearing so these scenes might be showing up in some form or another in the show. 

We first meet Eskel in Blood of Elves when Geralt is first bringing Ciri to the keep:

“Who comes?” Ciri heard a menacing, metallic voice which sounded like a dog’s bark. “Geralt?”

“Yes, Eskel. It’s me.”

“Come in.”

The witcher dismounted, took Ciri from the saddle, stood her on the ground and pressed a bundle into her little hands which she grabbed tightly, only regretting that it was too small for her to hide behind completely.

“Wait here with Eskel,” he said. “I’ll take Roach to the stables.”

“Come into the light, laddie,” growled the man called Eskel. “Don’t lurk in the dark.”

Ciri looked up into his face and barely restrained her frightened scream. He wasn’t human. Although he stood on two legs, although he smelled of sweat and smoke, although he wore ordinary human clothes, he was not human. No human can have a face like that, she thought.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” repeated Eskel.

She didn’t move. In the darkness she heard the clatter of Roach’s horseshoes grow fainter. Something soft and squeaking ran over her foot. She jumped. “Don’t loiter in the dark, or the rats will eat your boots.”

Still clinging to her bundle Ciri moved briskly towards the light. The rats bolted out from beneath her feet with a squeak. Eskel leaned over, took the package from her and pulled back her hood.

“A plague on it,” he muttered. “A girl. That’s all we need.”

She glanced at him, frightened. Eskel was smiling. She saw that he was human after all, that he had an entirely human face, deformed by a long, ugly, semi-circular scar running from the corner of his mouth across the length of his cheek up to the ear.

“Since you’re here, welcome to Kaer Morhen,” he said. “What do they call you?”

“Ciri,” Geralt replied for her, silently emerging from the darkness. Eskel turned around. Suddenly, quickly, wordlessly, the witchers fell into each other’s arms and wound their shoulders around each other tight and hard. For one brief moment.

“Wolf, you’re alive.”

“I am.”

“All right.” Eskel took a torch from its bracket. “Come on. I’m closing the inner gates to stop the heat escaping.”

Couple things here. First, for all the game fans out there, Eskel’s scar in the books is VERY different. It’s not the lightening-like claw marks that go over his eye but instead it goes from the corner of his mouth to his ear. This is interesting because it really parallels in my mind Ciri’s scar she gets later on that extends from under her eye to her ear. 

Also, the little reunion between Geralt and Eskel, so sweet. The line about Eskel in Last Wish establishes that they were close friends so here is the snippet just to give more backstory to the two of them: 

“Once, years ago, when a little snot-faced brat following his studies in Kaer Morhen, the Witchers’ Settlement, he and a friend, Eskel, had captured a huge forest bumblebee and tied it to a jug with a thread. They were in fits of laughter watching the antics of the tied bumblebee, until Vesemir, their tutor, caught them at it and tanned their hides with a leather strap.”

Childhood friends and brothers is just so damn great. Actually, speaking of brothers, it is stated in Blood of Elves that Geralt and Eskel actually look very similar and are often mistaken for brothers such as in this scene from Triss’s POV. 

Eskel stood next to Geralt, resembling the Wolf like a brother apart from the colour of his hair and the long scar which disfigured his cheek. And the youngest of the Kaer Morhen witchers, Lambert, was there with his usual ugly, mocking expression. Vesemir was not there.

“Welcome and come in,” said Eskel. “It is as cold and blustery as if someone has hung themselves. Ciri, where are you off to? The invitation does not apply to you. The sun is still high, even if it is obscured. You can still train.”

“Hey.” The Enchantress tossed her hair. “Politeness comes cheap in Witchers’ Keep now, I see. Ciri was the first to greet me, and brought me to the castle. She ought to keep me company—”

This really interests me because Ciri is very young child when she meets Eskel and she is very terrified of him and intimidated. Which makes sense, she is very traumatized. But, when Triss meets Eskel she only makes a short note of his scar and focuses more on his resemblance to Geralt and commenting on the lack of politeness. It just goes to show how different characters perceive people differently. A child’s perspective of a warrior is not going to be the same as a Mage’s. 

“You didn’t even know.” She nodded in what was now a calm, concerned and gentle reproach. “You’re pathetic guardians. She’s ashamed to tell you because she was taught not to mention such complaints to men. And she’s ashamed of the weakness, the pain and the fact that she is less fit. Has any one of you thought about that? Taken any interest in it? Or tried to guess what might be the matter with her? Maybe her very first bleed happened here, in Kaer Morhen? And she cried to herself at night, unable to find any sympathy, consolation or even understanding from anyone? Has any one of you given it any thought whatsoever?”

“Stop it, Triss,” moaned Geralt quietly. “That’s enough. You’ve achieved what you wanted. And maybe even more.”

“The devil take it,” cursed Coën. “We’ve turned out to be right idiots, there’s no two ways about it, eh, Vesemir, and you—”

“Silence,” growled the old witcher. “Not a word.”

It was Eskel’s behaviour which was most unlikely; he got up, approached the enchantress, bent down low, took her hand and kissed it respectfully. She swiftly withdrew her hand. Not so as to demonstrate her anger and annoyance but to break the pleasant, piercing vibration triggered by the witcher’s touch. Eskel emanated powerfully. More powerfully than Geralt.

“Triss,” he said, rubbing the hideous scar on his cheek with embarrassment, “help us. We ask you. Help us, Triss.”

Now, if you can’t tell, Triss’ favorite is Eskel. This scene is also implies that Eskel is more magically powerful than Geralt which Is very interesting. But Triss is an Eskel stan, in fact a couple lines later Triss thinks to herself: 

Vesemir hawked again. But Eskel, dear Eskel, kept his head and once more behaved as was fitting.

“Of course,” he said casually, smiling. “We understand and clearly we will postpone your exercises until your indisposition has passed. We will also cut the theory short and, if you feel unwell, we will put it aside for the time being, too. If you need any medication or—”

Eskel definitely has the older sibling energy where he ends up in charge sometimes and knows how to keep a cool head. He’s also the most aware of societal norms of behavior which is why Triss likes his so much. She really respects people who know how to move in society. 

There’s also this scene in Blood of Elves where Eskel is drinking and offers Triss some:

“White Seagull.”

“What?”

“A mild remedy,” Eskel smiled, “for pleasant dreams.”

“Damn it! A witcher hallucinogenic? That’s why your eyes shine like that in the evenings!”

“White Seagull is very gentle. It’s Black Seagull that is hallucinogenic.”

“If there’s magic in this liquid I’m not allowed to take it!”

“Exclusively natural ingredients,” Geralt reassured her but he looked, she noticed, disconcerted. He was clearly afraid she would question them about the elixir’s ingredients. “And diluted with a great deal of water. We would not offer you anything that could harm you.”

I think it’s very funny how secret The Witcher keeps all their potions and elixirs. Whether it’s mushrooms or potions, they gotta keep those secret drugs locked down tight. Also the fact that Eskel is the fantasy equivalent of high every night? Love that for him.  

Eskel really is the peace-maker of the group. He’s not a push-over by any means but he is definitely more willing to play along that any of the others. When Triss is talking at night, Eskel is really the only one listening and engaging, even if it’s very half-hearted. 

In the evenings, consistently and determinedly, Triss guided the long conversations held in the dark hall, lit only by the bursts of flames in the great hearth, towards politics. The witchers’ reactions were always the same. Geralt, a hand on his forehead, did not say a word. 

Vesemir nodded, from time to time throwing in comments which amounted to little more than that “in his day” everything had been better, more logical, more honest and healthier. 

Eskel pretended to be polite, and neither smiled nor made eye contact, and even managed, very occasionally, to be interested in some issue or question of little importance. Coën yawned openly and looked at the ceiling, and Lambert did nothing to hide his disdain.

And he is really the only sort-of listener to Triss’ stories and retellings of events: 

This time it was Triss who began to yawn and stare at the ceiling. This time she was the one who remained silent – until Eskel turned to her with a question. A question which she had anticipated.

“And what is it really like in the south, on the Yaruga? Is it worth going there? We wouldn’t like to find ourselves in the middle of any trouble.”

“What do you mean by trouble?”

“Well, you know…” he stammered, “you keep telling us about the possibility of a new war… About constant fighting on the borders, about rebellions in the lands invaded by Nilfgaard. You said they’re saying the Nilfgaardians might cross the Yaruga again—”

“So what?” said Lambert. “They’ve been hitting, killing and striking against each other constantly for hundreds of years. It’s nothing to worry about. I’ve already decided – I’m going to the far South, to Sodden, Mahakam and Angren. It’s well known that monsters abound wherever armies have passed. The most money is always made in places like that.”

“True,” Coën acknowledged. “The neighbourhood grows deserted, only women who can’t fend for themselves remain in the villages… scores of children with no home or care, roaming around… Easy prey attracts monsters.”

“And the lord barons and village elders,” added Eskel, “have their heads full of the war and don’t have the time to defend their subjects. They have to hire us. It’s true. But from what Triss has been telling us all these evenings, it seems the conflict with Nilfgaard is more serious than that, not just some local little war. Is that right, Triss?”

Once more, Eskel is the peace-maker of the conversation and he brings it back around to what Triss originally said and also points to her expertise. Basically, Eskel is not really a fan of verbal conflict. 

This is actually the last line we see Eskel in a scene outside of the flashback in Lady of the Lake. After this, Triss, Geralt and Ciri head off. It is important to note that near the end of Blood of Elves Ciri says this about Yennefer:

The lady magician knew a surprising amount about a witcher’s sword and “dance.” She knew a great deal about the secrets of Kaer Morhen; there was no doubt she had visited the Keep. She knew Vesemir and Eskel. Although not Lambert and Coën.

Yennefer used to visit Kaer Morhen. Ciri guessed why – when they spoke of the Keep – the eyes of the enchantress grew warm, lost their angry gleam and their cold, indifferent, wise depth. If the words had befitted Yennefer’s person, Ciri would have called her dreamy, lost in memories.

So clearly Yennefer is also friendly with Eskel and knows him. I love the idea that Yennefer regularly visited Kaer Morhen before Ciri came into Geralt’s care and I would literally cry if they did a flashback sequence in S2 of Yennefer visiting Geralt in Kaer Morhen. 

The flashback sequence in Lady of the Lake with Eskel goes like this: 

The fire in the huge fireplace went out. A gust of wind from the mountains whistled through the crevices of the walls and screamed through the improperly closed shutters of Kaer Morhen, Home of the Witchers.

“Damn it!” Eskel said, standing up and going to the cupboard. “Seagull or vodka?”

“Vodka,” Geralt and Coen said with one voice.

“Sure,” interjected Vesemir, hidden in the shadows, “Yes, of course! Drown your stupidity in vodka. Damn fools!”

“It was an accident…” muttered Lambert. “She had already mastered the comb…”

“Shut your big mouth, you idiot! I don’t want to hear any more! I warned you, if something happened to that little girl…”

“Enough,” Coen interrupted him, softly. “She sleeps peacefully. Deep and healthy. She will wake up a bit sore, but that’s it. About the trance, and what happened, she will not even remember it.”

“As long as you remember,” said Vesemir, panting angrily. “Cabbage heads! Pour for me too, Eskel.”

They were silent for a long time, listening intently to the howling gale.

“We will need to call someone,” Eskel finally said. “We will need to bring a sorcerer here. What is happening to the girl, it is not normal.”

Eskel is one of The Witcher who really pushes to call Triss in order to help with Ciri’s trances. Also, once again this guy is hitting the drinks. 

So yeah! That’s Eskel in the books. Based on how in the non-canon wedding short Asaps wrote where he ended up having Triss and Eskel get together, I think his hints of them having a connection in the books is very intentional and if The Witcher wasn’t such a god damn tragedy and Triss wasn’t mooning over Geralt, I’m willing to bet they would have gotten together at some point. 

Eskel is the peace-maker of the family and is the best at recognizing the norms of “polite society” (or at least noble society) and while Ciri might have been scared of his appearance, it isn’t enough to phase Triss who is considered rather vain. In fact, she seems to respect Eskel the most out of the Witchers. Just imagine a dark-haired, scarred Geralt and BOOM, you got yourself an Eskel. 

[maliciouslycreative]

How I played damage control to an anti in a small anime fandom and may have led to her ultimate downfall

I know I had a really nice write up of this at one point but oh well. I’ll spill more of the tea in this one because honestly the tea was so hot.

There are a few things that I have to give context to first. Gaia online was like THE mega forum of the 2000s, you made a little avatar and through posting and doing other activities on the forum you made money to buy clothes for your avatar. There were forums for everything but the fannish portions were really what drew in most of the people. The anime I was into was Beyblade. It was a shonen anime about fighting with tops that were possessed by the spirits of magical creatures. The story was honestly pretty average but the characters were fantastic and the fandom is to this day still one of my favourites. The series had a primarily male cast and didn’t even have a female lead until the second season. This led to the fanfic for the English fandom being about 70% canon/OC, 10 % canon m/f, and 20% slash. The most popular character in the English fandom was by far Kai Hiwatari, the loner badboy of the team.

Also before we get started I would like to add that one of my best friends was neck deep in this and the two of us were more or less fandom married. This is the same friend that I fake dated, had feelings for, and she nearly got me into kpop in 2011 so like if you haven’t read that story please read it too because it will give you a good idea of how stupid I am and how much of a fanfic I have truly lived. 

To set the stage I was 16, soon to be 17 when I joined the fandom and it was 2004. In September of that year I wrote a humour longfic that became an absolute smash hit and I found myself somehow fandom famous. It was around this time that I joined Gaia online. I made my little avatar and immediately went looking for the beyblade thread so that I could make new friends. I found the main thread, made my little introduction and at the end of it mentioned that I was a slash writer but I supported all ships. This is where I met C. She had declared herself the authority on Beyblade in these parts and I had just committed the crime of mentioning slash which was very obviously not canon and we did not discuss in this thread because we only discussed canon things. I was like well that’s a bit severe but like sure whatever I just want to hang out and have fun. 

Oh boy did I have no idea what I was in for. 

C was a year older than me and unfortunately that made her older than the majority of the fans at the time. Her favourite character was Kai, and she was not shy about talking about this fact. She stanned Kai above all other characters, and often at their expense. She was also a fanfic writer of a popular canon/OC series. Actually, she was so full of herself that she didn’t even call herself a fanfic writer, no her stories were in fact novels and were apparently very good. I never read them. But more on that later. 

Eventually the slash fans got tired of her being rude to us in the general thread so we made a Beyblade slash thread. There was a core of like 8 or so of us and we honestly had sooo much fun. When C would be too unbearable in the main thread the people from there used to come over to our thread and we’d chat with them about non slash stuff because we were honestly all multishippers and just wanted to have fun. We’d get comments like “wow, I’ve had more pleasant canon het ship discussions in the slash thread than the regular thread”. We never worried about C coming over and getting upset about comments like this because she refused to be associated with anything related with slash lmao. 

I tried my best to keep the peace between C, myself, and the rest of the fandom because ultimately I hate being in fandom drama. I just want everyone to have a good time. I’m a people pleaser. Unfortunately my newfound fame put me in the awkward position of being the most fandom popular person in our small community aside from C. Virtually every fan that read fanfics that came into our thread knew one of us or the other by reputation and C HATED this. Especially because people would come in to the thread, recognise me and go “oh my goodness I love your fanfics!” and I’d be super sweet with them and it’d lead into “I can’t believe how nice you are, I love you” which would lead to us crying at each other. This was not the kind of fan interaction that C got, no her fans were more kind that were there to praise her and worship her like a deity that had blessed them with some gift. Rarely did they tell her how kind she was. 

Back in the mid 2000s there were really commonly those commercials (usually by Christian organisations) asking people to sponsor say children in Africa or to help build schools or provide drinking water. You all probably know the ones; know the language that they used in those commercials. My fandom wife, who I suppose I shall call wifey because yes we were THAT couple back then, once said that C described her fics like those people described donating money to save the lives of Children in Africa. So we used to joke that her fics were so good they’d save lives in Africa. Looking back at it all, she almost had a very fundamentalist Christian approach to bringing people into her fanfics. She of course tried to get all the slash people into reading it. None of us read canon/oc fic mostly due to our poor treatment at the hands of their fans and creators. Getting fed up I one day told her that if she would read any one of my fanfics that I would read the entirety of her novels. Yes, I was willing to commit to read a couple 100k of canon/oc fanfic that I’d never touch normally if she would even read one of my 1k 1 shots. Heck, I had a fic even that shipped 2 minor characters so she didn’t even have to sully herself reading about one of the main characters. It was honestly a good deal in her favour. I kept this up until the day we all left the fandom. Sometimes I do wonder if her fics were even ¼ as good as she claimed, but I will never know because she refused to read my fics. 

She wasn’t all bad and a tyrant all the time. As long as people kept the conversations on track and didn’t come in to the thread saying things like “KAI IS SO HOT ND T3H BEST N I AM GUN 2 MARRY HIM” she stayed mostly civil. It was always hilarious watching InuYahsa or Naruto fans try to come in and bad mouth Beyblade because they’d unleash the dragon and C was great at chasing off undesirables in the thread. 

The real apex of goings on though on Gaia was the guild drama. So guilds were like exclusive themed mini forums within Gaia. Anyone could buy one and run it however they want, as long as it still adhered to Gaia’s ToS. C of course was the owner of the only Beyblade guild. The fandom wasn’t really big enough to support 2 guilds so we just kind of let it go. Technically she allowed people to post slash fanfics but like everything had to be explicitly tagged and there was absolutely no slash RP. Wifey and I controlled a handful of minor characters together in the forum RP and definitely used to try to push the boundaries a little bit. Some ambiguous flirting here, a stray comment there. It was such a fragile balance though because C was heavy on the ban button. The active portion of the guild was just people that were in the cult of C and worshipped her writing. 

Understandably the other slash fans and myself were getting disheartened by this. So we pooled our funds together and decided that we’d open a second guild that though it was run by slash fans we would welcome anyone into our ranks. We just wanted to have a fun place for everyone to hang out, and to hopefully run a few events out of. In hindsight, we should have seen what would happen. When we opened the guild, with me as the guild leader, it was like somebody blew up the whole dam protecting the delicate ecosystem we had cultivated. Every single person in the Gaia fandom that was not a zealous follower of C applied to be in our guild and left her guild. We of course figured that we’d attract some of the gen population but we did not expect to accidentally poach all of it. All of the moderators were getting messages from people thanking us for giving them a place where they could say whatever they wanted without fear of getting their faces ripped off or banned. 

C lost her shit. She was so mad that we went behind her back to ruin her guild. We literally had to show her posts in the very public slash thread that we had been planning this in public and that it was not to ruin her life. We just wanted a place where we could freely post slash. The two of us had some spicy comments back and forth and then she dropped an absolute bombshell on me. Since Gaia’s mail system is terrible I unfortunately no longer have exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of “Ok, you win. I’m going to close my guild.”. Us slash fans had never been doing this to win anything. We had never been competing. We just wanted a safe space to be ourselves. 

C never joined our guild. The fandom slowly faded out within the next year anyway. We weren’t getting new content so naturally people just drifted into other fandoms. C kept up with the main Beyblade thread for a lot longer than most of us but eventually that eventually faded into obscurity too. 

I learned a lot about fandom bullies from those days. But honestly the thing that stuck with me the most out of everything was that if you provide a positive safe space for people they will flock to it. It may seem like there are so many hostile people out there, but there really aren't. They're the minority but they just make sure that their voice is the loudest. The best way is to ignore them and just do your own thing. The bullies just want attention and if you don’t give it to them and prove to them that their opinion doesn’t matter to you then they’ll move in and find something else to yell at. 

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: A Child’s Imagination (Female!Reader x Aro Volturi)

WARNING: Character death mentions!

"What do you think? A boy or a girl?" You asked, trailing your fingers over the small bump that was your stomach, leaning back in your seat for better access. Aro leaned against the arm of the seat, smiling fondly at your stomach. "I can't say I know, Cara Mia." "Come on!" You pressed with a playful smile. "Pick one. You'll love them just as much either way." "I am inclined to say a son for reasons I was raised with that are significantly unnecessary and outdated as of this time. Although a daughter would be just as lovely." You smiled lovingly at Aro. "You'd spoil her rotten, you spoiled the twins after all." Aro smirked. "Isn't every child spoiled after several centuries of gifts?" You paused. "That's true. Although you know exactly what I'm talking about. I think that if our baby were to be a girl or a boy. You'd spoil them just as you did the twins." You said. "It's not always a bad thing." Aro smiled slightly. "And your answer, my dear?" You hummed. "A girl. I can only imagine all the battles i’d lose if it were you and our son against me. The men of our large family." You grinned and Aro chuckled. "We only do what's best." He responded before kissing the top of his head. "What would you name them?" You asked him, in sudden deep thought. "Aro, please don't tell me you're going to insist we name our baby some name that's older than dinosaurs." Your eyes widened in dread. "I need to be able to say the name!" Aro chuckled. "Well why don't you give me a name and we'll compare?" You paused. "Nate for a boy? Aiden?" "No, it looks like I'll be naming our son because those names are terrible. For a girl?" You hummed. "Charlotte? Evelyn? I'm trying to go a bit more classic for you." You giggled. "Those two are...decent." Aro said with no enthusiasm. "Meaning you aren't too fond of those either." You laughed. "Alright, what about you then? Girl and boy names." "Cleisthenes-" "I'm sorry, what?" Your tracing stopped as an incredulous look moved across your face. "I don't even know how to say what you just said never mind spell that." "It means Glory and Strength. See names in my era actually had meaning." Aro smiled slyly. "So does my era." You laughed. "We just care less about the meaning and more about if we can spell it and if we can say it. Pick again." You continued to giggle as Aro rolled his eyes. "Heliodoros." You said nothing but pressed him further. "Two girl names?" "Artemisia or... Eumelia." Aro responded. "...It appears we'll be having a lot of discussions for baby names." You giggled to yourself. 

Somehow the two of you made a deal. If a girl, you'd choose two baby names that the two of you would pick which was preferred. The same going if the baby was a boy. Then Aro would pick two names for you both to reach a decision on. When the birth arrived, the baby was a boy and Aro made the decision alone on the boys name. However it wasn't the two names he had first said. "Archelaus." Aro had told his brothers. "The people's ruler'." Caius responded with an eyebrow raised. He seemed almost impressed. "How fitting." Marcus drawled.

"Aro, it's time. You need to decide." Caius said as he hovered over you. Aro tore his eyes away from the baby, yet to be cleaned, but bundled in a towel. He looked at his son momentarily, a flash of doubt in his eyes. Yet he said nothing. Caius stared Aro down as Aro looked at you. You were seconds away from your heart stopping altogether. 

Finally Aro shook his head. Caius nodded and Aro left the room, with his newborn son in his arms. There was a sickening crack as Caius mumbled to a guard about ensuring you wouldn't suffer any longer. It was as of Caius considered that a gift. Your heart stopped and perhaps by coincidence, your son began to cry in Aro's arms. "Mio figlio." Aro cooed in a soft voice. "Everything is alright." 

Aro moved into the next room, Renata already waiting for Aro's next instruction, as always. She had always been the most rigid of the Volturi and in a constant state of internal stress whilst her face appeared void of emotion. Then again, that's what made her a good guard and one Aro trusted with his life. She was constantly on the look out for danger. "Might I ask you get him cleaned up, my dear?" Aro asked lightly and Renata nodded immediately moving forward to take the baby from Aro as gently as she could. 

When Renata moved into the closest bathroom, Aro left the room and returned to the room you had given birth in. "They didn't feel it." Caius assured Aro, who nodded in thanks. Caius stepped back, giving Aro some more room with you. Aro ran his fingers through your hair. "Thank you, my dear. Our son will be remarkable, I assure you. I have no doubt you would have been wonderful." Aro leaned in closer towards you, his head hovering over yours. "I'm sorry, my dear." Aro kissed your forehead and closed your eyes with his hand. This hadn't been the first time he had decided to sacrifice those he loved for his goals and no one really knew if it could have been the last. 

Your son didn't seem very affected by your passing. Aro figured it was that he really didn't know you when it came down to it. Although that thought was sad, you had loved your son in the end of the universe. 

Aro saw you curled up in a blanket, running your fingers along your stomach. You had always got little nudges in return. Your stomach softly nudging back at you. You had looked at your bump adoringly the whole time you were showing and when alone, always telling your unborn son how much you loved him. "I'll always love you." 

You did it more so when there was chances you wouldn't survive. So therefore it was no longer just bonding with your unborn child, it was telling him and loving him for every moment you had, in case any of those would be the last. You had hoped he'd remember you if the worst came to be- if you didn't survive the birth. 

There was a pang of sorrow in Aro’s chest. Sorrow for you and sorrow for his son. Aro had really loved you. He had no doubt and he loved his son too, appreciated the gift you had given him. The greatest gift he had ever received. Although he had planned that gift for himself. He had plans for himself, the Volturi and his son. Gaining more power, it was always the plan. Your son was a part of that plan. However you were not and in the end, whilst his love for you was strong, it wasn't enough to discard centuries of plans, reputation and centuries of work. So he let you die, but he made you were comfortable. He had Alec numb your senses, you wouldn't have known when you slipped away and you wouldn't have felt a thing. A peaceful end. Your legacy beginning as you departed from the world with Aro's love and gratitude. 

 Aro kneeled down to Klaus' level faced with answering his son just where his mother had gone. "Such matters are very difficult to tell children- to relay in words that they understand." Aro said softly as he held his son's hands in his own. "Your mother passed away and she's not coming back. She left this world with so much love for you, little one. The last thing she wanted was to say goodbye to you. However these things happen sometimes." Aro paused, searching his son's thoughts, trying to piece together if perhaps Klaus understood even a little bit. "Archelaus..." Aro said quieter, looking into his son's eyes. "Your mother isn't coming home." Aro let go of his son's hands. "She'll always be in here, with you." Aro patted his son's chest lightly, just where his heart sat beating a little faster than before. Klaus, barely looking two years old, looked away from Aro putting his thumb near his mouth as he looked around the room. Although Aro's heart would have shattered if it hadn't already stopped so very long ago. Tears ran down his son's face, his eyes moving back to his father. There was no sound, nothing. Aro couldn't bring himself to say anything, simply watching his son. He wasn't sure what exactly made his son think about you but he seemed to be growing aware of his surroundings, so much so that he is noticing people who are missing from what he remembered. Vampires couldn't cry. No tears could ever fall but to see tears run down his son's face reminded him that his son wasn't just half vampire. He was half human, half you. The human in him cried for the loss of his mother. Aro couldn't help but wonder if you'd have cried too, seeing your son try to understand why he couldn't hear his mother's voice anymore. The moment was brief and ended as quickly as it had began. He had never wondered about his mother before that day and he didn't after that day either. Almost as though Archelaus had forgotten and Aro figured that perhaps it would have been better that way. 

Aro was hoping that Archelaus would meet Renesmee Cullen and when the opportunity arose, he jumped on it. It worked well, checking in on Renesmee's progress, effort to rekindle his friendship with Carlisle and his son meets someone like him who's close to his age.  "Some friends of ours are coming for a brief visit since they're passing by." Aro said fixing Klaus' collar. "They have a little girl who is like you, half human and half vampire." Klaus looked up at his father before nodding. "Would you be willing to keep her company while she's here? I believe she'd be a wonderful friend." Aro asked. Klaus nodded. "Yes, father." 

The two children had ended up in Klaus' room. Klaus having his toy train in hand whilst Renesmee flicked a switch repeatedly to change the lanes. Whilst Klaus knew Renesmee's name, he had yet to introduce himself, giving off the impression he was a rather quiet boy who more than likely kept to himself. Then again, Aro couldn't help but consider perhaps it was due to being around someone who was close to his age. Renesmee was older but it wasn't noticeable in the childrens appearance. "When I get older, I want to travel on a train just like this one!" Renesmee said brightly. "Like the ones in Europe!" "Where would you go?" Klaus asked almost absentmindedly. "I don't know. I just like the thought of getting on a train to anywhere, going wherever I want at the time. So I promised myself that one day I would." "By yourself?" "Yeah!" She grinned. "Unless Jacob says he has to go too. He doesn't like the thought of me going anywhere alone." She looked almost disheartened and Klaus picked up on it. "I know the feeling. I overheard my father and uncles saying I may never get to leave here. At least not alone.” "Would you want to?" Renesmee tilted her head in curiosity. Klaus shrugged. "Maybe. I'd like to see what's out there, I think." Renesmee gasped. "You should come with me! When we're older! We should go together! Wherever we like!" Klaus was surprised. "Really?" "Yeah!" She grinned. "You should tell me your name if we're going to be friends!" "Friends?" Klaus repeated, surprised at how quickly the conversation had escalated. "Of course!" "My name is...a little strange." Klaus admitted. Even he knew his name was a mouthful bit then again, so was 'Renesmee'. "They like to give us strange names, don't they?" Renesmee cracked a smile. "My name was two names mashed together." She said almost bashfully. "Although, I'm mostly called Nessie." "Nessie? As in...?" Klaus tilted his head, trailing off and Renesmee nodded. "...like the monster. Although it wasn't intend as an insult." "My name is Archelaus. It means 'the people's ruler'...but in the human world and some call me Klaus for short." He responded. "What would you prefer I called you?" Renesmee asked. He lightly shrugged. "Klaus is fine." "Nice to meet you Klaus." "Likewise...Renesmee." "I don't mind if you call me Nessie." She smiled and Klaus' mouth twisted. "I'm sorry but I really can't call you that." Renesmee giggled. "That's okay."  "Can I ask you something?" Klaus asked. "Sure!" Renesmee smiled brightly. "Do your parents call you that? " She giggled at the thought. "No! My mum hates it, my dad doesn't like it but my uncle's think it's pretty funny." She paused momentarily. "Does your dad call you by your full name?" Klaus nodded. "Yes. As do my uncle's. Most of the guard call me Klaus though...unless my father and uncles are around." 

After another moment of silence, Klaus spoke up. "My father says you're gifted." Renesmee nodded. "Wanna see?" "How?" He asked. "Like this!" Renesmee cupped a hand to his cheek and he went rigid, startled by her sudden movement. 

Flashes of images rushed through his mind and he began to realise that this was Renesmee's story, showing others her abilities before himself. "Woah..." He said quietly. "Do you have a gift?" She asked. Klaus shrugged looking down. "Don't you ask your mum and dad?" "I think my father would have told me if I did but...my mother died when I was born. I can't ask her." "Oh...I'm sorry." Renesmee said sadly with a sympathetic expression. "It's okay. You know the feeling. I saw it. Your mother nearly died too." Renesmee nodded. "Yes. She was lucky. At least that's what my dad says." Klaus lightly shrugged but nodded. "Do you miss her?" Renesmee asked. "No...I mean, sometimes I do but I just think about how much I love her and that she loves me the same." 

Klaus looked up hearing the door open to be met with Jane. Klaus simply looked back down at his toy train absentmindedly. “Hello, I heard you talking about your mother.” Jane moved to stand in front of him.Klaus paused.  “Would you tell me about her?” Jane asked. "I think I see her sometimes." Klaus quietly and Jane joined him on the floor. Klaus continued to play with his toy train. "Not all the time, only when I miss her the most." Klaus added with a small smile. However Jane could see his sad eyes and understood it. Children like Klaus, children like herself and her brother, they should never have such sad eyes. Yet they did. "Would you tell me about it?" She asked. "Well, I think it's her. I look her at her and somehow I just know that it's my mother. She's always happy to see me. She has a pretty smile." Klaus added, quickly glancing at Jane who smiled slightly in response. "She does?" Klaus nodded. "I talk to her sometimes. She doesn't say much back but that's okay. I asked her once, if I could keep her." "Oh? Did she answer?" Jane asked softly. "She said I could. That she'd always be with me, even when I can't see her." Klaus was completely unaware of the sadness Jane had begun to feel. When Jane's mother died, she wasn't able to face it, being a newborn and learning to trust Aro. After a couple of years, Jane began to think about her mothers death. It reinforced how alone she was and how alone she had always been. Although now she had lost someone, making her life even more empty than it had ever been before. 

It had been Athenodora who comforted Jane and Alec as best as she could. Although all she could say was that their mother would have been relieved to know her children had survived and were safe. Klaus didn't get this same conversation, yet it seemed as though he didn't need it. He had found a way to cope on his own. Or at least, that's all Jane could hope. She couldn't help but wonder if Klaus didn't hear you say much was because he didn't really know you. It was clear ghosts didn't exist. Yet he had created someone in his head that he assumed was you and would respond in his interpretation of what you would have said rather than what you actually would have said. Perhaps that silence he received by his imaginary friend was Klaus not knowing what his mother would say and so no response would be given. "Does it make you sad sometimes?" She asked. "Not really." Klaus looked up at Jane again with a slight smile. "I know my mother loves me and that's all that matters really." 

When Caius entered the room, he entered a war zone. For once, Marcus was mentally and physically present in the room. He was angry. Not only that, angry and arguing with Aro. Both Marcus, and Aro had pitch black eyes and it didn't take long to recognise just what they were arguing about. "I don't need to sympathize to you!" Marcus snapped. "You chose this! You did this to yourself, you did it to her and you did it to your son! You decided she wouldn't be changed so I won't have any sympathy for you because I know I sure as hell did not choose my loss!" "Everything I have ever done, was for this coven!" Aro seethed through a clenched jaw. "(Y/N) would have been apart of that. Spare me your words Aro. You let her die because she didn't fit your goals. You never even consulted us, this decision, and rightly so, was on you. You knew for months where this was going and you made your choice!" Aro scoffed. "You make it sound so easy. Then again, when have you ever made a difficult decision in your life Marcus?" Aro responded icily. "I loved (Y/N) with everything I had and my decision to let her go was not easy. If you cared so much then you wouldn't have sat there for all those months knowing she'd die!" Marcus was immediately on his feet, standing feet away from Aro. "I watched that girl die. You should have been where I was standing. I told her she had a healthy son and my face was the last thing she saw and it should have been you! Furthermore, I was by her side as she gave birth because you weren't there!" Aro snarled before Caius intervened. "Enough!" Caius snapped, stepping in between the two men. "We all knew this would happen. What we didn't know was that Aro would grow attached. Now let me make myself quite clear." Caius began coldly. "(Y/N) died loved and appreciated by Aro and held many of the guards hearts. She was wonderful and she died. We all know that many women have died in childbirth in our time. She brought Archelaus into this world and passed away. Before she could suffer, I killed her. She felt nothing and wasn't alone! We cannot and will not destroy ourselves with the 'what ifs'. We all did what we did and now we live with it because that boy needs it. He is what matters now!" The situation de-escalated greatly after this but Caius continued. "Aro, I understand you are in pain and Marcus is the only one here that knows that pain. So why don't you be help one another with that pain and not use it to tear each other apart?" Marcus and Aro stared at each other before they both back down in unison. "Make me the mediator one more time and I kill you both." Caius growled. "Honestly...see the gift (Y/N) gave you both. Memories, a son and a nephew. Could you even fathom what she'd be thinking right now seeing you both like this!?" 

When night had fallen, Archelaus was taken to bed with his usual nightly routine. Renata was the one who took him to bed this particular night. The guard took turns and later Aro himself would check in on him. As usual Aro received a good report that Archelaus was in bed which left Aro a couple of free hours before he checked in. He spent those hours properly patching things up with Marcus, the two understanding each other by the time he was done. Thankfully the two were able and willing to overlook the incident. 

Aro couldn't help but frown slightly. It was in the middle of the night, the lights were off in many of the rooms down the wing where Klaus stayed. It was to help him sleep, even the lights for the hall were off. It helped the illusion that everyone was asleep at the same time he was. Even though it wasn't necessary, Aro figured it may appeal to his human side. 

However, instead of sleeping he wasn't even in that wing. Aro found his son on the floor below his room in one of the many rooms that had a TV in it. Aro figured his son was sneaking in some TV time or playing when regardless he should have been asleep in bed. However Aro stopped, before reaching the doorway, hiding in the shadows and out of sight. 

His son giggled again, arms stretched out at nothing and grinning up at something Aro couldn't see.  A excited squeal escaped his son and Aro blinked. Suddenly, his son was no longer alone. Someone lifted him into the air, spinning him before setting him down before spinning with him. That someone looking an awful lot like you. "I'll always love you." Aro heard your voice whisper with an echo. Aro blinked again and suddenly you were gone, his sons giggling dying down. It seemed he could no longer see you either, hands dropping to his sides. 

Aro moved closer unable to really pinpoint an emotion, many swirling and battling for the spotlight. His son turned to look at Aro and fully expected to get a scolding at the very least, however it never came. Aro slowly entered the room, barely making a sound and sparing a glance to the empty space you were previously in. Aro looked down at him with a soft expression. "Was that your mother?" He asked quietly. Klaus looked nervous, looking down at his hands. "It's alright Archelaus, I saw it too." Aro explained. "I miss her sometimes." Klaus finally spoke. "When I think of her, after a while, she comes to see me." "Oh?" Aro tilted his head. Klaus continued. "I mean, I know it's not really her. I like to pretend she's here and if I'm patient, she's comes to see me." "Can you show me?" Aro asked holding out his hand. 

Klaus slowly put his hand in Aro's. He was right, this wasn't the first time. He remembered what you looked like, his imagination doing the rest of the work. Whenever he found himself thinking of her, longing for her presence. She'd come to see her son. Of course it became very apparent this was simply his impression of her, Klaus' imagination building the pieces to replicate his mother as best as he could along with what he hoped she'd be like. 

"I'm sorry I got out of bed, father." Klaus said quietly. "That's alright little one." Aro said, unable to punish his son after discovering his son's gift. "We'll take you back to bed." Before leading his son away, he pulled his son into him, bending ever so slightly to hold his son closer. 

Aro had always wondered how his son dealt with topic of his mother although could never bring himself to venture into his son's thoughts for you. However, he held comfort in knowing that his son had found peace and comfort to cope with your passing. He had no doubt that his son would have questions about why you weren't saved when he grew up but he could live with that. He could live with the spare time, your son had unknowingly given him.

[lynn-writes-things]

Birthday’s

“For a prompt, maybe a Hunter and reader fic where the bad batch help celebrate the reader's birthday? Maybe some fluff or smut?“

Thank you so much for the request, and thank you SO so much for the donation!! I appreciate it more than words can say!

Word count: 2470

-

*takes place pre-Echo

Birthday’s weren’t really a big deal in the GAR, seeing as though the Jedi were taught to remove any attachment to the day of their births; the clones didn’t even have birthdays that they knew of; and any civilian officer was likely too busy to remember, let alone to celebrate. It just wasn’t something that you did often. Of course, you knew your birthday – knew the exact date and time, because as a child, you had asked your mother about it every single year until you memorized the time to the last minute.

At one point in your life, your birthday had been your favorite day of the year. More so than Life Day, even. You had always loved the festivities – the focus on you; people showing how much they care about you; not to mention the gifts and the celebrating. You’ll never forget the year you became legal to drink, and your friends had taken you out for fun. It had been a night to forget – though the events leading up to the drinking were fond ones that you will treasure forever.

That time of year was drawing near again, and you couldn’t help but talk about it to the boys – who you’d been on assignment with for the past several months – in fact, it had almost been a year. You figured they wouldn’t like you talking about your birthdays of the past much, considering that they’d never really experienced a birthday, but to your surprise they all encouraged you to keep talking.

“When I was really little, my parents filled my entire bedroom with balloons, so that it would surprise me when I woke up – only I woke up too early, and I sat alone in my bedroom for hours just playing with the balloons. When my parents came to check on me, they couldn’t stop laughing.” You explained with a little laugh. It was early, and you all were drinking cups of caff. You swirled yours around, letting the swirl entrance you deeper into your memories.

“Then, when I was a teenager,” You smile, this memory a particularly pleasant one. “Me and some friends went out to this bakery with her parents – they had money, like they had mad credits. They took me cake-tasting to decide which kind I liked best for my cake, they told me that was my present from them. I wasn’t going to complain- free cake!” You laugh. “Anyways, I tried this one kind, (your favorite cake here), and it literally change my life- I’ve never had any cake that was as good as that. It’s kind of hard to find, but there’s a really nice bakery on Naboo that has it for a lot cheaper than the fancy place did.” You explain, considering making a special trip just for some cake, then immediately telling yourself that it’s a stupid idea.

“What about when you were an adult?” Crosshair asks. “Surely it gets more boring.”

“Oh, it does,” You laugh. “It gets so kriffing boring after a while. But, certain ages grant you certain milestones. Like, when you turn twenty, they let you drink. My twentieth birthday was insane- my friends made me go out to this bar with them – they were all older than me – and they ordered this drink for me, it tasted like starcherries and Mandalorian oranges – it was so good.” You exclaim, missing the taste of your first (legal) drink. “Anyways, they called it a Sailor’s Sunset, I think? But, it was a super fun night, we danced for hours, and I met this really cute guy, and… Well…” You laugh, cheeks heating up at the memory. “Anyways!” You exclaim, clearing your throat. “It was a really fun night. I also learned that I could shoot Corellian whiskey better than any of my friends.”

“Bet you can’t shoot it better than us.” Hunter teased.

“You’re probably right,” You laugh. “But I’d be willing to give it a shot.” You joke, and there’s a chorus of groans at your terrible pun that you couldn’t help but to make.

“So, when is your birthday, anyways?” Tech asks, ready to mark it in his holopad.

“It’s next week, on the second.” You explain. Not that you’d been keeping track of the days when you thought it might be close – not at all. That most definitely was not the case.

-

The night of the first, when you fell asleep, the boys all got up and got down to business.

“Okay boys,” Hunter began. “This has to be special. We want her to feel like she’s one of us, right?” He asks, and they all respond “Right!”.

“Crosshair, you’ve got the whiskey?” He asks.

“And the mixers.” He says. He didn’t know how to make a Sailor’s Sunset, but he was willing to give it a try, for your sake.

“Wrecker, you’ve got the balloons?”

“Yep! I might’ve gotten too many, though.” He says.

“No such thing- this is Y/N we’re talking about.” Hunter replies. “Tech, you’ve got the cake?”

“Took it out of the freezer yesterday, it should be defrosted by morning.” He replies. Getting the cake from Naboo without you figuring out what they were doing had been a challenge, but they had just barely managed to pull it off while you were in the refresher.

“Alright,” Hunter said, satisfied. “Bad Batch, let’s throw Y/N a birthday to remember.” He says with a smile, and they all get down to work. They all start blowing up balloons, with a goal to fill the barracks with the blown up latex. Wrecker had gotten different types- colorful ones; black and white ones; he even had found some that when blown up would read “happy naming day!” which was as close to “happy birthday” as he could find. They meant the same thing, more or less. He just hoped you didn’t get offended by the slight difference.

It took hours to blow all of the balloons up, but once it was done, there was a thick layer covering the floor, as well as a few smuggled into your bunk with you – but just a few, so you likely wouldn’t pop any and scare yourself awake. Though, Crosshair thought that would’ve been kriffing hilarious. Mean, but hilarious. He figured if it happened, you’d end up laughing once the initial fear wore off – he knew your sense of humor pretty well. But, still, Hunter refused to let him risk it.

“Wait,” Tech began. “Does anyone know how to make her caff?”

“I do,” Hunter answered. “She likes it the same way I do. She told me that before.”

“We’ll have to wake up before she does.” Crosshair says.

“That won’t be too hard,” Hunter answers. “Her alarm is always set for 0700, we just have to wake up before then.”

“How do you know that?” Tech asks.

“We usually wake up at the same time. You catch on to things like that after a while.” He replies with a shrug. He was used to waking up with you, the two of you would often talk over your morning cups of caff before the others woke up. It was the one time of day where there was no stress- just peace between the two of you. It was easy to forget about the war in times like those, which meant everything to you both. Neither of you would ever miss a morning, both cherishing your morning caff-sessions more than either of you would admit. During these early-morning moments, the two of you had gotten very close with each other, and shared very intimate conversations. Secrets were shared, as well as light-hearted compliments. You had a feeling the long-haired Sergeant liked you, which was good, because you liked him as well, though neither of you would confess. The early mornings weren’t a time for heavy confessions like that. But your birthday? Oh, your birthday might be, Hunter thought, mentally preparing himself for that night.

The boys had picked out a planet that they knew had a lake that was safe to swim in, with little risks for attack. Just private enough to take the night off and celebrate over drinks, cake, and swimming. Tech had put in the coordinates, and you were currently on your way there.

-

When you woke up, it wasn’t to your alarm blaring- it was to the smell of caff, and the boys saying, “Happy birthday!”. You smiled and groggily rubbed your tired eyes, looking up at them all with looks of adoration.

“You guys didn’t have to— Balloons!!” You cut yourself off, getting excited about seeing all the multicolored latex bulbs all over the ground, and all over your bunk. “Did you guys really-?”

“We did.” Hunter says. You sit up and he hands you the cup of caff. You take a sip and smile; it’s exactly how you’d make it for yourself. You can’t help but sway back and forth in happiness.

“Maker, you guys are my everything.” You say, taking a sip. “Thank you.”

“Oh, we’re not done yet.” Tech says. You get out of your bunk, and follow them out to the main area, where you see balloons strung up on the wall messily that say: “Happy naming day!” and your smile is so wide that it hurts your cheeks. Then you see the cake box, and you gasp.

“You didn’t-!”

“We did.”

“When?!” Your voice had jumped several octaves in your excitement, and you felt bad for Hunter, though he was smiling at your excitement. He didn’t give a damn that you were yelling, or how high your voice had gotten. He was just happy that you were happy.

“When we went to Naboo last,” Tech answers. “It’s been in the freezer.”

“How didn’t I notice anything—”

“That’s sort of what we’re known for, Y/N.” Hunter smiles.

“Yeah, but—” You can’t help the tears of happiness that well in your eyes, your heart swelling in your chest. You can’t believe that they’d go through all of this just for you. Crosshair puts a hand on your shoulder, and you quickly turn to just hug him. It catches him off guard, but he smiles regardless, holding you in return.

“Thank you guys.” You sob. “I love you all so much.”

“We love you too, Y/N.” Hunter says, preparing to say something slightly different later. But that could wait for now.

“Looks like we’re approaching,” Tech says, checking the navigation. You would’ve asked which planet, though you knew he wouldn’t tell you – Tech always made you guess where you were going. Always. You weren’t complaining, though, it was always a fun game, not to mention a good way to boost your memorization of the planets.

-

Once you were landed, you stepped out and realized that you were staring at a lake. Not a grimy pond, but a real, actual lake. The water was so clear that you could see to the bottom – it didn’t look too terribly deep, either. A long time ago you had told the boys that you loved swimming, you were surprised that they even remembered the comment.

You decide to all swim in your blacks to avoid any awkwardness with you being the only naked female around, which you’re thankful for. Though of course, the boys take their shirts off at least. You do your best not to stare at Hunter or his impressively toned muscles—You absolutely do not get caught by Crosshair, who laughs at you, but promises to keep your secret. You swim around for what feels like hours. You’re in and out of the water until the sun starts to go down, and you suggest drinks. You all climb out and start trying to dry off. Tech gets the cake cut, and Crosshair pours a round of shots for everyone. You take yours and grimace at the taste- it had been awhile since you had Corellian whiskey. It had been a long while.

“What’s that face for?” Hunter teases. “Thought you said you could out-drink us.”

“I said I might be able to.” You laugh. “If you’re looking for a challenge, Sarge, you’re on.”

“You don’t want to do that,” He laughs.

“Trust him, you don’t.” Wrecker tacks on, clapping his brother on the back. “He can even drink me under the table.”

“How—”

“Here, try this,” Crosshair says, thrusting a glass filled with a peachy-pink drink in it at you.

“What is it?” You ask.

“It should be a Sailor’s Sunset.” He sighs. You giggle – the color’s all wrong. But you try it regardless, and it’s shockingly just as good as you remember. You hum in appreciation.

“It’s really good,” You smile at him. “But it could use a smidge more cherry.” Crosshair smiles, pleased with himself for guessing the drink correctly.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Hunter speaks up, nodding away from the others, towards the tree-line. You follow him over, and he down the shot in his hand before continuing.

“I figured now’s a good time to tell you,” He says, and pauses. You know where he’s going with this before he even starts, and you can’t help the smile that takes over your face. “I—”

“I like you too, Hunter.” You say, cutting him off.

“I don’t think you understand how much,” He says. “I’d do anything for you, Y/N.”

“Trust me, I understand.” You gently caress his cheek with your free hand. He leans into your touch, looking at you with a softness in his eyes that was usually reserved for your early morning chats. You don’t need to say more- neither of you do. He leans forward and kisses you, your lips connecting in a slow, passionate dance. You only break apart when you hear cheering from behind you, where the boys are watching with smiles on their faces.

“I love you, Hunter.” You say quietly, your nose brushing against his; his forehead against yours.

“I love you too, Y/N.” He smiles.

After several shorter kisses, you all go back to the ship and enjoy some cake. It’s just as good as you remember it being all those years ago, and you thank them ten-fold for it. For everything. You cry again as you thank them, and Hunter wraps an arm around you. Wrecker is on your other side, and he wraps an arm around both you and Hunter. Hunter gestures for Tech and Crosshair to come over, you all move to the floor. Crosshair leans against Wrecker, and Tech settles between your legs, leaning back against you as your arms wrap around him.

“I love you boys.”

“We love you too.” They all reply, and it doesn’t take long for you all to fall asleep like that. It’s heaven, you think. This was just simply heaven.

[sepublic]

Luz’s Online Experience?

           Talking a lot with @sterling-jay over the subject and discussing this; I noticed that Luz can be particularly persuasive and a powerful debater, specifically at the end of The First Day where she mercilessly gives Bump a peace of her mind until he finally concedes her genuine point. Coupled with her mentioning “Jerks online who want to debate” as one of her primary fears, and… I have to wonder if she honed her argumentative, debating skills from having to deal with those kinds of people as a kid, usually in online forums that she’d go to talk about her hyperfixation with other like-minded kids; Especially since the internet tends to be a place of solace for neurodivergent kids who can’t find others like them in their area.

           I’d see Luz as being SO passionate and into her argument as she brings up a bunch of brilliant points, and then she just gets shut down by a cruel remark (like some internet edgelord calling her “nerd”) and it HURTS so much, because Luz invested so much energy and effort, and yet clearly others don’t feel the same, despite apparently inviting her into discussion. Luz really seems like the type of kid who practiced her arguments and speech and really deliberately stewed over them during class and meals, getting distracted as she thought of the perfect rebuttal, usually within the shower; Because for someone like her, she just CAN’T let it go, because her hyperfixation is being trashed and she has to defend this, etc.

           And I think Luz was the kind of kid who easily fell for the kind of taunts and trolling that older people online would do, targeting neurodivergent kids who take things at face-value and are too literal and innocent to realize what’s up. I can imagine Luz getting into flame wars online, because some trolls deliberately aggravate Luz by trashing on her interests and saying dumb things, forcing Luz to go on the defensive as they mercilessly criticize what she likes in order to ruin the fun for her- And eventually Luz realized those people weren’t actually interested in debating her, just making Luz second-guess and doubt herself. So she learned not to bother engaging with those people and just shut them out- Hence why she defeats her fear by recognizing such people as not coming from a place of intellectual honesty, that they aren’t worth her time trying to convince because of this.

           That’s why it’s one of her primary fears, “Jerks online who want to debate”, because there’s always that one person on an internet forum who has to be “Um, actually” and deliberately try to ruin Luz’s fun and disprove her headcanons, all while acting so much smarter than Luz, all condescending and pretentious; Probably defaulting to that “Why are you so EMOTIONAL/triggered” response that’s frustrating and invalidating to Luz. And you know someone with a good heart like hers would NOT stand for that kind of talk on principle; And as the daughter of a nurse, she’d go into a spiel about how triggers are an actual medical term, only for Luz to be accused of “taking things too seriously” or “ruining jokes”.

          This kind of frustrating, constantly-being-egged-on harassment from others online- It could’ve really soured Luz’s experiences, making her feel even more lonely and unsupported… And it could’ve led to Luz explaining that it’s not worth one’s time trying to engage into argument and conflict, which she explains to King at the beginning of Once Upon a Swap- She’s been there, Luz knows how it feels, and she knows that it never ends well and is just playing into the aggressor’s game. And when Boscha bullies and harasses Willow during Wing it like Witches, it strikes a particular nerve with Luz, causing her to challenge Boscha; And for a less drastic example, this kind of unpleasant experience influences Luz to challenge Amity at the Covention, for King’s honor.

           It’s because Luz IS curious and genuinely thoughtful and willing to hear others out in a meaningfully critical sort of way, so she just HATES people who act like that, who come from a position of bad faith and aren’t interested in actually evaluating arguments. So she’s so passionately against the type of ableist trolls who make fun of people for being so invested into their hobbies and interests (because that’s “not a personality”). And it just culminates in Luz being somewhat cautious whenever people approach her online or in real life, because she’s not sure if they’re being genuine or not, if they’ll ever take her seriously, so what’s the point in being able to argue on her and others’ behalf?

          For a while, Luz could’ve been the kind of kid who has a brilliant argument, but it’s just… SO HARD for her emotions to not get riled up, to be made fun of as her voice wavers and her eyes water- Which means getting dismissed as unreasonable, ‘too emotional’, all that sorts of stuff. And so despite setting this situation up, Luz’s bullies manage to make it look like LUZ is the aggressor, that she’s the one throwing the first punch, when they were deliberately trying to emotionally trigger her into doing so. And as @sterling-jay suggested, that just leads to the word “Trigger” becoming an ACTUAL trigger for Luz, because of the way it was cruelly and inaccurately used against her in the past- And sometimes when people use it like that, it can launch Luz into a whole spiel about how that’s super-disrespectful to people with actual disorders and PTSD, only to be mocked for being so ‘emotional’.

           That means Luz having to learn to regulate her emotions, pretending to not actually care, to be more mature… Before she realizes that no, that’s also playing by their game, who cares what those trolls think? So Luz just blocks them out, ignores them, and continues to be who she is unapologetically, blocking anyone who tries to intrude on her fun without remorse. But what happened still happened, so Luz has a bunch of clever debating skills and rhetoric left over from those days when jerks online would drag her into flame wars for their own amusement. But on the Boiling Isles, especially Hexside… Luz might find an actual, genuine debate club in the Bard Track or someplace similar.

          She’d have an environment where people DO debate and argue on good faith, from a place of intellectual honesty- A place where people genuinely, critically think and reflect on their own and others’ takes! So Luz has this powerful, persuasive energy and debating skills that she’s built up over the years, but never had a chance to properly utilize in an environment where it would be taken and evaluated seriously; So like a lot of her passion and interests, curiosity and energy- Luz finds the opportunity to indulge and explore it in the Boiling Isles, channeling that skillset and ability into something good and productive… Like convincing a local principal to provide multi-track learning options for students, and not bend a knee to a corrupt system!

          And Luz’s fiery, righteous rage against injustice can come into play during a revolution against Belos’ dictatorship; Because she knows firsthand what it’s like to be frustrated by people who claim to argue on superior, academic merits, but are only really interested in just shutting you and your ideas down… Because no, Luz KNOWS that her and others’ ideas are worth listening to, and hearing out- And it’s just so validating to see people like Eda actually listen to Luz… To actually change their minds, or else explain their own thought processes in earnest, instead of just shutting the girl down because they said so.

          It’s this ability to really critically question things and evaluate if people are coming from a place of good, intellectual faith, that makes Luz ready to challenge all sorts of things, while mentoring and encouraging those who are in a similar spot to her childhood, but didn’t have any support- Until now. That yes, what you say IS valid, and if people can’t be bothered to explain themselves properly and/or take your argument into account- Then you shouldn’t have to listen to them, and at times; Just remove yourself from the situation entirely! Prioritize your own comfort and health, and don’t bother trying to play by the rules established by others who are trying to drag you down onto ‘their level’. Challenge the system, break its rules, and don’t bother vying for some kind of moral approval from others who don’t actually care about that kind of thing; And always remember, your emotions, your anger and grief, ARE valid…!

          ‘Calmness’ doesn’t necessarily indicate objectivity, it can be apathy operating from the comfortable status quo that is being upheld. And don’t fall for the trap of lowering yourself to their playing field, by assuming both sides have a point, because chances are; Both of you are operating from very disparate positions already. What others say may be coming from such bad faith, that they are not entitled to your ‘respect’, nor an actual platform to validate their terrible ideas. And don’t let yourself be blamed for making things ‘more contentious than they need to be’ when you lash out in self-defense; Because a lot of the times, the status quo that’s being disrupted is unjust and NEEDS to be changed, and it’s the one causing conflict by hurting people in the first place.

[sxfik]

and when the seasons change (will you stand by me?)

read on ao3 • main masterlist • law school masterlist

summary: when kang sol's mother has to work late, she has to take care of byeol. it's just her luck that she has an exam the next day, one for professor yang of all people. joon hwi, being the kind classmate he is, offers to study with her.

or: byeol is solhwi mastermind, and she's says everything we wanted to say to the two dummies.

request by anon: hiya! saw that you do solhwi prompts so I was thinking that Sol A has to babysit byeol but there's a big test the next day so she calls joon hwi over to help her w studying. meanwhile byeol(being iconic) tries to set them up in true shipper fashion.

a/n: this is based on a request i got on tumblr, pictured above! i have around 5 (ish) fics that will go out over the week so stay tuned for those lmao! uh yeah, i don't really know what else to say other than im really sad law school ended so i've just been sad and mopey, but still writing to fill that hole. as always, enjoy <333

Although Joon Hwi was the 'star' student of Hankuk Law School, he was never much for studying. It's not because everything came to him that easily, but because finding the strength to concentrate and study when he could be hanging out with his friends or doing anything better with his time was insanely tempting. Finding the effort to get to the library, and read up on his textbooks was arduous and he always found it easier to study by himself, no distractions around. This was, of course, until Kang Sol came along. For Joon Hwi, everything in his life was turned on its axis when she came into his life.

When he first met her, in Professor Yang's class, she was just the poor girl being grilled by the professor. His heart went out to her, watching her pull her hair out of the bun to avoid the question. He didn’t know what possessed him to answer for her, but he assumed it to be a one time thing. But from the moment she crashed into him yelling "Second Round Judicial Exam, save me!", he was stuck on her.

Slowly, she was everywhere in his life, from the study group to the legal clinic to a majority of his classes. Unlike so many of his classmates, who were by the book and generally clinical in personality, she was a fireball of energy and passion. In class, despite not being the best student, she would argue with so much passion and energy that it was impossible to win against her. It was fascinating, watching her connect and jump from case to case. She would throw herself into everything she believed in, which included defending him from the school and his uncle.

Joon Hwi has liked girls before, but he's never been so captivated and head-over-heels for anyone in his life. Love and dating seemed secondary, and he preferred to keep it out of his life until he reached his goals. You could call him selfish but he prefers to call it being focused on his goals. He's always had one goal in life, and it was to work with the law, whether as a judge or working as police or as a prosecutor.

Yet, if Kang Sol was in the room, his eyes were on her. Whether she was frustrated at him or teasing him or gleeful with him, he couldn't help but smile at her. If she was around, he was right by her side, making her laugh or cringe or annoyed.

So there he was, studying in the school library with Kang Sol. Professor Yang’s exam was right around the corner and unlike last time, he cannot miss the comma in the given case. Plus, he doesn’t even have the excuse of being accused of a murder this time, so both Sol and Joon Hwi were hunched over their books, pouring into the texts when Kang Sol’s phone blared loudly from her bag, startling them both.

Sol cringed as she dug around in her cloth bag, the classic dirty looks tossed her way by the sleep deprived students as she stood to leave the library and take the call. He buried himself back into the textbook, but the concentration was lost and he was more interested in the call she’d gotten than ins and outs of defamation laws.

Around 10 minutes later, Sol was speeding back to her chair, the phone clutched firmly in her hand. But Joon hwi could see her frustration from a mile away. Her face held that pout, her eyebrows furrowed and grumbling under her breath. It was adorable.

But he was worried, considering it was the day before the exam, Sol couldn’t afford to be distracted from her studies. He wasn’t blind to her struggles in school, but Joon Hwi never considered her lesser than him for not being able to pick up the concepts with speed.

Unlike him, and a majority of his classmates, she had passion and a heart when dealing with clients. He could see it in her mannerisms with clients in the legal clinic, patiently explaining the clause or the issues they might face to the client. She’s sympathetic to the max, always hearing out the client’s grievances before making a judgement on what they had done. She was exactly what the world needed: a sympathetic, patient lawyer that was willing to fight for the client, someone that they can cling to. He and every professor in the school knew it, but it seemed Sol was the only one who never realized how essential she was.

Suddenly, he felt himself getting up to gather his materials with her without a second thought, despite the confused look Sol shot him. He wasn’t sure what exactly possessed him to do it, but he knew that if she wasn’t there, he didn’t want to study at the library either. Grinning at her, he walked out, side by side until they were outside the quiet library. She paused in her tracks all of a sudden, taking him by surprise and he paused too, looking back at her, tilting his head in confusion.

"My mom needs to work late today, so I need to rush home and take care of Byeol," she looked up at him finally, her face apologetic. "I'm sorry, Joon hwi but I don't think I'll be able to study for the exam with you," she started to walk away, but he couldn't let her go that easily.

"I'll come with you," he offered, surprising himself, "I'll study with you. Plus, it'll be easier to take care of Byeol with two people than one, right?"

She paused, looking back at him, conflicted. Sighing, Joon Hwi stepped closer to her. "Come on, let's not keep her waiting. Shall we?" He was determined to keep her company, especially since she’d have less time to study since she’d have to take care of Byeol. It was easier this way, and I’d do this for any friend he told himself.

The ride there was slow and quiet, but not an uncomfortable one. They both walked in tandem, with their backpacks filled with everything they'd possibly need to study, and even the bus ride was peaceful, the two of them staring out the window, watching the scenery pass by them. Joon hwi sat beside her, rather than across from her like last time, just to save space on the bus. On the very empty bus they were riding together.

Days like this, where the air was heavy and humid, the earth preparing for a heavy rain, were the most comforting types of days. The air was still warm and humid, making Sol’s hair poof out slightly, her naturally wavy hair frizzing out of her bun. The feeling of her beside him, as if this was a regular ritual for both of them, brought a sense of content in his heart. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, whether it was the girl beside him or the past year’s chaos, but watching the trees and the traffic pass by them brought more peace to his life than ever.

The two made their way into the alleyway, where Joon hwi had once stood guard of when Lee Man Ho once lived, threatening her family. He's standing in front of Kang Sol's house behind her, holding her backpack in hand as she struggles with the keys.

Finally, finally, she gets the door open, and a figure zips by, crashing into Sol. Byeol’s arms wrapped Sol's waist, like the adorable sister she is. Sol stumbled back into him slightly at the sudden weight thrown onto her, but nonetheless, crouched to envelop her sister in a bone-crushing hug. Joon hwi couldn’t help but smile at the two sisters, their love for each other enveloping him

"Unnie!" she grinned up at her, "Did you bring him with you?" Her eyes were serious and wide as Sol opened her mouth to answer.

"Byeol-ah!" Joon hwi yelled out from behind Sol, peaking out to see the 8-year old grinning at him, much wider than she did at Sol. Ha!

"Joonhwi-oppa!" the girl squealed out, leaving Sol's grip to run to him. As she ran to him, he picked her up and twirled her in the air, the girl's giggles echoing through the small alleyway as the two greeted each other.

Sol, standing by the door, smiled faintly before calling out, "Come in, before either of you catch a cold!" Both of them filed in, incessantly chattering as if they hadn't seen each other in months, even though it had only been two weeks since Joon hwi had been by to take the two sisters out to the park.

"Oppa! Why did you come with Unnie?" Byeol asked, finally being set down inside the house, looking up at him curiously as Sol

"Ah, we have an exam tomorrow, so I'm here to study with her," Joon hwi replied.

"Good," the girl jumped onto the couch. "Unnie needs a lot of help," the girl quipped back, nodding her head solemnly, making her look a lot older than 8 years.

"Yah Kang Byeol!" Sol exclaimed, indignantly. Joon hwi chuckled at the two as Sol turned to him. "Here, we can work in the dining room," she moved to grab her backpack from him, stepping towards the dining room.

"NO!" Byeol yelled out at the both of them, her hand flying out to stop the two of them, "Unnie, you should work in your room instead! You know I'll be watching TV and obviously, it'd be too loud for you to focus," the girl rushed out, her doe-eyes a bit too wide, her voice a little too innocent. She is definitely plotting something, Joon hwi narrowed his eyes at her but she avoided the look, choosing to jump off the couch and walk towards them instead.

Before either of them could protest, the girl pushed the both of them towards, presumably, Kang Sol's bedroom. Sol awkwardly laughed at him, Joon hwi shooting her an amused look. They awkwardly stood in her room, Joon hwi avoiding her gaze and choosing to look at the walls instead. Her room here looked similar to the one she had back on campus. Her desk was stacked to the max, sticky notes lining the walls with old reminders and little notes of encouragement. It was neat, but brightly colored, which suited Sol so very well.

“Let’s get started shall we?” Sol finally said, clearing her throat, gesturing for him to set down his books. He obliged, sitting at her desk while she chose her bed. They both set up all their materials, the awkward silence shifting into a peaceful one, the two working themselves into a comfortable rhythm.

It had been almost an hour of straight studying, both of them regurgitating criminal codes and case precedents from memory. Joon hwi was sure that by this point that his mind was complete mush, and Sol was starting to wither, her eyes almost glazed over while she started into one of her casefiles. Her hair was a lot puffier than it was when they started. Turns out, Sol had a habit of ruffling her hair with her pencil each time she was confused or working herself too hard, which was often.

“Let’s take a break shall we? I’m going to get a glass of water,” he said, standing up and stretching his arms out, trying to put the two out of their misery. He yawned, the stiffness in his muscles finally noticeable when he stretched out. She nodded back to him, yawning and stretching out in her chair, before she picked up her phone to check some messages.

He walked out of her room and back to the living room, where byeol was still glued to her seat, her eyes on the TV playing some cartoon. Heading over to the dining table, he poured himself a glass of water with the pitcher, before heading back to check on Byeol.

“What’s this show called?” he asked her, taking a sip of the water while watching the show with her.

“Hm?” Byeol turned to him, “Oh, it’s this show about two kids who set out to find a treasure mapped out by their parents,” she explained, gesturing towards him to take a seat beside him. He obliged, opting to sit beside the girl, both their eyes glued to the screen. A few moments passed by, before the little girl turned towards him.

“You know, my sister’s favorite color is dark green. Not like emerald green, but forest green tinted with some dark blue,” Byeol said nonchalantly. Joon Hwi’s eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why the girl is telling this to him. “And, her favorite ice cream is this nutella infused one that you get down the street, closer to the town square. It’s been her favorite since she was little,” she continued, not giving his confusion any heed. The girl rapidly started telling him facts about her dear sister, all the while confusion took over his features.

“Joonhwi-oppa,” she squinted at him, pausing as her face grew serious, “You like my sister, don’t you?” He sputtered, choking and coughing out the water. “I knew it!” she excitedly squealed.

“Byeol, byeol, shh, you can’t let your sister know okay,” he brought a finger to his lips, his eyes alarmed. For an 8 year old, Byeol was surprisingly cunning and observant. She had managed to figure out what he had been struggling with for the past year after just a few short visits. They shared a look of understanding between the two, before the girl turned her attention to the show, leaving Joon Hwi walking back to Sol’s room. The Kang Sisters,  he shook his head, laughing as he thought, what a perfect duo.

bonus

It had been almost 3 hours of studying together before Kang Sol realized that the sun had set outside, and all of a sudden, they were in a rush to clean up. Joon hwi had to leave before the dorms closed entrance and because of their studying, the two of them had their head buried in books since the time they got to her house.

She was glad to have him over though. Despite her hesitation at the school and fears of inconveniencing him, having Joon hwi made the process a lot smoother. With his careful and gentle help, she had a much easier time understanding the concepts and she was eternally grateful, considering Professor Yang’s exams were always some of the toughest.

They were rushing out of the house, his backpack in her hand as he hurriedly put on his shoes and stepped outside the house. But before Joon hwi could turn with a hurried goodbye, she called out to him, her breath suddenly lodged in her throat.

“Thank you,” she quietly told him, the prospect of looking into his eyes as he leaned over her doorstep daunting. “Thank you for helping me, Joon hwi, it was really kind of you,” she beamed at him, trying to convey her gratitude and more in the only way she knew possible.

They both paused, looking at each other as the air got thicker between them, as if a string was drawing him closer to her. She watched as he swallowed slightly, his adam’s apple moving slightly before he let out a soft “You’re welcome,” and a classic smile, before he rushed out, trying to catch his bus.

She sighed, watching him as he rushed off, capturing the bus. Soon, she thought, Soon, I’ll tell him how I feel. She reassured herself, turning around only to find Byeol hiding behind a pillar.

“Byeol? What are you doing, weren’t you watching a show?” she questioned her sister, but Byeol made no response. Suddenly her sister frowned at her, muttering something about how can she possibly be a lawyer and she’s so blind, leaving her in utter confusion at the front steps.

[theaggresivepacifist]

Feel free to ignore me but I'm here to ask you about YOON SE-WON. You could tell me anything you were thinking about him tbh but okay: where do we go from here? When do you think he leaves prison? Can he forgive himself? Will he work again? Can Si-mok and he ever be a team again? (I feel like if Yeo-jin was even slightly less good at making good choices for herself and her life she would take him in. Or is that a good choice?) Idk I just love him and want to know if you have thoughts about any/all these things!

Hi friend! <3 And omg, thank you so much for the ask! I've only recently started thinking in depth about Yoon Se-won and just how tragic and interesting a character he is...and you can probably tell I love to ramble when I'm thinking :D To answer kind of out of order...

When do I think he leaves prison? That is a super interesting question and I don't know enough about sentencing laws in South Korea to answer, so all I have to compare it to is the fact that Kang Jin-seob got sentenced to 22 years for Park Moo-sung's supposed robbery-murder while (the judge thought) lying about it and unrepentant. On the one hand, what Mr. Yoon did was way more violent and calculated, plus he kind of hit several cops at the airport (though I could see Yeo-jin pressing for those charges to be dropped)...therefore I could see it being a much, much longer sentence. On the other hand, I could see him receiving a slightly lighter sentence because he admitted it openly and also clearly had a lot of regret already pre-trial (if him crying in front of Kyung-wan is any indication). Either way, I think he'll certainly be in prison for close to twenty years at minimum. (But if you're looking for fic in which he gets let out earlier, @ohyangchon aka leechangjoon on AO3 has great fic in which he's been released from prison on a special initiative!)

Will he work again? Well, definitely not as a prosecutor, but I could see Kim Jung-bon or another civil righter helping him find some sort of redeeming work after prison - much like Kim Su-hang working in the elderly care home in S2. I don't think Yeo-jin would get involved with that directly, but I see her checking in on him, making sure he's making enough money to pay his rent and keep food on the table, etc.

Can Si-mok and he ever be a team again? I don't think a team, but then again, even in the course of two short years post-meeting Yeo-jin Si-mok became so much more empathetic and genuinely concerned for others, as well as getting shaken up to the point that he realizes no one, not even he and Yeo-jin, are safe from committing corrupt actions under the "right" circumstances. And that dream at the end of S2, that he pictures Mr. Yoon as his colleague, happy and healthy and working as a prosecutor...I think when we last saw him Si-mok is dealing with what Yeo-jin was in S1E16, finally starting to process the hurt and lingering disbelief of Mr. Yoon's betrayal and bad choices. (I say *starting* because he's still detached enough to not think reallll deeply about the fairly obvious implications of Mr. Yoon going away with LCJ in the dream.) I somehow don't see him visiting Se-won in prison, but I picture them a few decades down the line, much older and softened somehow, taking a walk around a lake together and finally having a conversation about what happened, what LCJ meant to them, and putting old grievances to rest. (Ow, this hurts???)

Also, v. curious at what point exactly Si-mok found out that Mr. Yoon was at Anyang Prison and that Yeo-jin had gone to visit him. Did he know all along? What would be his reaction to finding out? I think they'll process all of this differently, and I think there'll always still be an element of distance between Yeo-jin/Si-mok and Se-won. Yeo-jin in particular, while she now knows what he did does not define him, is still able to hold in mind how horrific his crimes were, and maybe there'll never be enough trust to work with him. (I think Si-mok would think working with him is just straight out off the table.) But they *will* reach out often enough to show that they're there for him and they care.

Can he forgive himself? Oooooof that's a difficult one. I think he's going to carry it with him for the rest of his life, and I think it'll always be complicated and compounded by the loss of his son, which I hope he eventually finds peace about. If Park Kyung-wan does come visit him, I think that will help, even though that guilt will never fully be absolved by either of them. But I do think he will realize that he can have a purpose and a mission in the world beyond the short-term one LCJ saw in him, the one that he was willing to plan and accept out of pain and grief. Maybe he will always feel guilt over what he did, but he will also arrive at a place where it doesn't stop him from moving forward and doing his best to live an empathetic and generous life.

Where do we go from here? Season 3 when??? I think it would be a neat completion of the arc that developed through S2, with Yeo-jin and Si-mok and the world around them finally processing the events of S1 more fully, to have Si-mok reach some kind of peace with Se-won. I see Se-won suffering intensely for the next few years but hanging on, just barely, because of people like Yeo-jin and Kyung-wan (and all the people I'm imagining Yeo-jin is going to recruit to visit Se-won) and maybe Si-mok who still care for him and see something worthwhile in him. And when that passes...I hope happiness and peace.

Wow, that was SO MANY more thoughts than I even thought I had XD My apologies for the ramble and I am so grateful for the ask!!! I would love to know your thoughts on these questions too <3

[thestarkerisobvious]

White

inspired by the incredible artwork of

@cutepandaprincess​

“White.  So white.  I’ve never seen anyone that shines so white.”

Tony only trusted her because everyone trusted her, including Fury.  Well… that wasn’t entirely true.  Nat trusted her, and while Tony Stark never thought he would give a second glance to anyone claiming to “see auras,” still Nat’s word carried a lot with him.

Round and soft and cheery and freckled and grey, she didn’t seem like a witch (although supposedly she had been lean and ravenhaired and darkeyed in her day.  Or so she claimed.  But then she got older “and wiser” and gave it all up as too much effort.)  In any case her ability to see into the future was invaluable in bringing in that last souped-up badguy with the ridiculous name, and so Tony had invited her to the New Year’s Eve party along with the rest of the team.  And if he sidled up to her at said party and tried to subtly get some relationship advice, well, no one had to know.

And if that entire party was just an excuse to get Peter in his arms on New Year’s Eve? 

Well, no one needed to know that either.

And there was the boy now, standing by a window surrounded by the best scientific minds at the Avengers compound, laughing and joking and looking entirely edible.  That crystal glass wasn’t even holding alcohol… even though the kid was well within drinking age.  But when Tony finally got the witch to realize who he was trying to describe (he couldn’t exactly describe him as “the most delectable piece over by the window”) she said the exact opposite of what he wanted to hear.

“Oh, oh.  So white, Tony.  I’ve never seen anyone that shines so white.  It’s like clouds… like flowers… like stars…”

…but then she only got distracted describing the gentleman on Peter’s left who was responsible for adapting some nanotechnology but was apparently having marital troubles.  It wasn’t easy, keeping the witch on topic.  But Tony poured her another glass of Champaign and did his level best.

“And what does it mean… a white aura… exactly?”

“White means purity and virginity, and peace.  Red auras are usually determination and passion… that’s you darling.  That’s you through and through.  The pink is friendship and unconditional love.   The green aura is often the peacemaker, or else someone at harmony with themselves, but more often that not one who can help others harmonize with each other.  Not the purple aura, of course that is one who is far too independent…”

And that was it for the rest of the evening.

He didn’t make his move. Even though he had been planning his move since the moment he realized the boy wanted him to make it.  Even though he had been planning this entire party ever since that moment.  Even though the point of the party was to have Peter there on New Years Eve when the countdown came. 

Even though Peter Parker cornered him when the countdown started.  Even though, at midnight, he suddenly had an armful of Peter and a New Year’s Kiss right on the corner of his mouth.  Even though Peter had held himself there for a moment, just waiting for Tony to move his head a fraction of an inch and close the distance.  Tony could feel the boy waiting.

Could feel the boy’s disappointment when it never came.

He didn’t make his move. Even though Peter must have laid awake all night in the guest-room waiting for him.  Peter had been invited to stay the night on the premise that, after the party, he wouldn’t be safe to drive.  Peter hadn’t had a drop to drink that night, but played along with the premise.

But he played along alone.

Tony wasn’t going to make a move.

How could he, when the witch had laid it out for him so plainly?

Peter was white. Peter was pure.  Peter was virginal.  Peter was unsullied.  

How could Tony possibly be responsible for corrupting that?

                                                     * * *

And so Tony resigned to live in utter misery.  Resigned to never accept that beautiful gift that Peter was making it clear that he was willing to give – a gift that Tony was entirely unworthy to receive.

For years he lived with that misery (okay he was being a drama-queen.  It was six months.)

By day Ironman and Spider-Man still worked together with perfect precision, taking down badguys with a witty quip or clever badinage or  a droll rejoinder, until villain and minion alike raised a flag in surrender.  At night they worked side-by-side or back-to-back in the lab, finishing each other’s thoughts with eerie precision and perfecting technology at lightning speed. Late-night lab sessions often ended with Peter sleeping in the ‘guest room’ rather than webslinging his way home in the early hours of the day.  

Tony still steadfastly called it the ‘guest room’ even though it was very quickly becoming ‘Peter’s room.’  Steadfastly called it the ‘guest room’ even though Peter once joked that more of his clothes were there than in his dorm.  Tony steadfastly referred to it as the “guest room” for the same reason he steadfastly refused to visit the “guest room” no matter how many times Peter slept there.  No matter how many Avengers joked that they were practically living together… no matter how many suspected that they were already a couple.  Tony was steadfast.  Because Peter was too pure for him.  The witch had said so.

He even asked her… once… when she was brought in to consult on a terrorist-cell case that they were considering.  She guessed his name wrong twice, then asked him delicately why he wasn’t with “that beautiful boy” she had met at the party.  “I thought that was your night… he certainly thought it was.”

“Did you see us together? See our auras?”  Tony asked cautiously, daring, for a moment, to hope.

“That lovely, angelic-white aura?  Oh yes sir.  Well, I saw many futures for him, so very very many.  He has such a storied future, that boy.  But I saw the two of you together… oh just for a fleeting moment I caught a glimpse…”

“And it changed, didn’t it,” Tony said, his voice dropping.  His head dropping.  His hopes dropping.  Why did he bother to ask?  He already knew the answer.  Had reminded himself of it night after night after lonely night.

“Oh yes, certainly. You’re very red, Mr. Stark. Very red.  Painfully red.  I knew it the instant I saw it… when I saw you together… together you had become so pink… not subtly pink... vibrantly pink...”

                                                         * * *

In times of weakness, Tony reminded himself of that conversation.  Of a witch who, when she looked at Peter in a roomful of people, saw a white aura so blinding that it took her breath away.  Virgin.  Pure. Unsullied.  And if Tony came anywhere near it he would taint it, like blood on white silk.  

He started trying to avoid the boy, he honestly did.  Stopped scheduling time together in the lab.  Stopped laying awake longing for the boy in the ‘guest room.’  But crime refused to acknowledge Tony’s resolution, and criminals kept throwing them together in the most ridiculous situations.  Alien sex pollen made things so awkward as to be almost unbearable.    Pretending that Peter was his sex-slave when they went undercover to get info on the Mob Boss?  Tony Stark suddenly had the patience of a monk.  When they traveled to Sokovia to investigate the arms deal?  There might only be one bed, but Tony had plenty of floor to sleep on. And when his head injury left Peter with amnesia?  Well the less said about that the better.

Whenever Tony even considered giving into temptation, not for his own sake but for Peter’s (the boy who was making his desires crystal-clear) Tony remembered.  The witch’s words.  White.  Pure.  Tony could only sully him.  Like blood on white silk.

                                                            * * *

Peter graduated early, because of course he did, and Tony gladly accepted the boy’s invitation to his combo-graduation-party-dash-housewarming-soiree in his brand new small apartment that he had rented across the street from Stark Tower.  Was he surprised, when he arrived with wine and a dozen roses, to find he was the only one invited?  Maybe he was. Or maybe he realized it was too late.

Too late to tell the boy “no” when he melted into Peter’s kiss.  When he gave in to those powerful arms and let Peter mold their bodies together. When he obediently let Peter lead him to the couch and sat, pushing the cream cushions aside so Peter could climb into his lap.

“But you have to tell me the truth,” he whispered between kisses.  Whispered as best he could.  “I know you’re a virgin…”  He didn’t whisper how he knew.  How he had been on the phone with a certain woman with a crystal ball the day before he bought the white roses…

“Um, sorry?” Peter said, pulling up, blinking.  Then he grinned. “Tony… no.  Nope.  You missed that boat a while ago.  Sorry.”

He giggled a little at Tony’s expression, then kissed the slack mouth with a chuckle low in his throat.  “Dude… you worry way too much.”

Underneath Peter’s gentle hands, Tony couldn’t deny that it was true.  His worries melted like snow under Peter’s warmth.  Under Peter’s knowing kiss.  They moved together in each other’s arms just as confidently as they fought in the clouds, Tony moving underneath Peter in sure, knowing strokes.  Peter peeled off his shirt and pressed his pale skin to Tony’s mouth, moaning his name.  Holding each other close they moved like moonlight on the water, breathing sighs as soft as feathers as they came in each other’s arms.

And that freezing fear? That chilling panic that always came when the sex was over, that always made Tony cover himself up and pretend to hibernate, all to avoid looking his partner in the face?  That fear melted just like snow in white sunlight.   Tony opened his eyes and looked up into Peter’s own, shining like stars.

“I should have known you would make it easy,” Tony breathed.  He wasn’t sure if his words made any sense, but Peter seemed to understand.  He stroked Tony’s cheek and smiled a knowing smile.

“I told you, you worry too much.”

“Agreed,” Tony chuckled drunkenly (even though that hadn’t touched the chardonnay) and nuzzled his nose into Peter’s hair.  Honey curls tickled his nose, and he was oddly reminded of dandelion fluff, the kind he used to blow away as a child when he made a wish.  He blew now.  He wished now.

“I love you Tony Stark,” Peter whispered, holding him close.  “I wanted to tell you at Christmas.  I wanted to tell you New Year’s Eve.”

“Oh I know, angel,” he said, and when he felt Peter relax in his arms he had no doubt.  

“I’ve always known it,” he murmured as he moved them off the sofa and down to the floor.  “I’ve always known,” he whispered, laying Peter’s back to the floor and bowing his head to lick up the milky-white droplets still clinging to Peter’s stomach.  “Mio angelo, il mio paradiso. I’ve always known.”  He pressed a kiss to the pale skin in the center of Peter’s chest.  What he was thinking should have alarmed him then, but it seemed so simple now.  An hour ago he had been reminding himself of the words of the silver-haired woman, now all he could think about were young men and diamond rings.  

“I love you Peter Parker,” he whispered.  It came so easily…

…and only then did he realize.  Only then did he understand.

“Pure, and virginal.” the witch had told him that night.  “White means purity, and virginity…

                                                 “…and peace.”

                                                      * * *

“Why are you calling me you ridiculous man?” she scolded when Peter was snug in bed in Tony’s bed, even as the white light of dawn lit up the penthouse.  “Listen to your lover.  You worry too much.”

“So you know,” Tony said, even as he struggled to explain why he had dialed her number in the first place.  She was supposed to be advising the Avengers on criminal activity, not relationship advice.

“I’m going to burn white sage over every inch of your domicile.  I’m going to strap a quartz crystal to your forehead,” she groused.  “I’m going to stop toasting to WORLD-peace and start toasting to TONY-peace.”

“But you told me, that night, you told me that when you saw us together you saw stained-white…”

“No, I told you I saw vibrant pink.  Who in heaven’s name thinks of pink as stained-white?  You’re absurd.”

“But you… you never told me what pink meant.”

“Oh for gods’ sake man… pink means friendship.”  She spoke more patiently, as if explaining it to a child.  “That’s why I thought you were so lovely together, that’s why I always thought it.  Because you had been friends for so long…”

“But you said something else that night, I just didn’t remember…”

“…I said several things that night silly man.  I told you I had seen so many futures for him, and one of them was with you.  And that was rose-colored loveliness, if that’s what you wanted to know.  

“And rose is friendship. Friendship.  And unconditional love.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Mio angelo, il mio paradiso = “My angel, my heaven.”  

with many thanks to @mrstarksbaby​

[cowboisadness]

Found You {Arthur Morgan x F!reader}

Summery: She was there for Arthur through everything, being more than good friends but less than partners. They support eachother through the good and bad times, it’s not love tho, no, it’s not love at all.

Rating: M. Basically porn with plot. More plot than i planned i really got carried away with this. I’m mean to Mary i’m sorry. Includes angst, heartbreak and all that painful shit.

—–

Chapter 2 - Lost

He's piss drunk, I can smell it in the air and he's nursing an almost empty bottle of aged pirate rum. The strong stuff. He doesn't say a word as I sit beside him, not too close to invade his space, just far enough for him to know I'm here if he needs me.

I've never seen him this broken, his eyes puffy and unable to concentrate on anything around him. He tries, tries to concentrate on the flames ahead of him, they illuminate his face in a bright orange hue, dancing across his saddened features. I want nothing more than to embrace him at that moment, hold him tight and tell him he's going to be okay, that it's going to be better, that the pain will diminish with time, that I will be here for him through it all.

He lets out a shaken sigh as he takes in a breath, not looking to me before he speaks.

“She doesn't want me no more.” It’s barely above a whisper and I can't tell if he's saying it to me or himself. My body is screaming, my heart aching, remembering the promise I made to myself almost two years ago when we first started getting closer, that I would do everything in my power to protect him from any suffering. I instinctively moved towards him with haste, pulling him close and enveloping him in my arms. At first, I thought he would refuse and push me away but he didn’t, he leaned into my embrace, accepting the blanket of support I could give him, that I always gave him.

He hadn't eaten or drank properly for days, and after much persistence from him, I finally got him to eat something, saying I wasn't going to stop until he did. Urging him to drink my water instead of booze, knowing he would thank me tomorrow. When exhaustion finally took over, we retired into his tent, holding each other close but not going further than that. Fucking was how we used to manage our emotions, but this situation demanded something more delicate, I just hoped being here would help him. As he quickly fell into what I hoped would be a peaceful sleep, I tightened my grip around his waist and whispered: “You don't know what you mean to me.”

He wouldn't come back with me the next morning, saying he needed a few more days and promised to return soon. He did of course, then resuming to get back to business with jobs and helping the camp, seemingly pushing his feelings to the bottom of his heart and into the depths of his brain.

He seemed to get better over the months, us both flinging ourselves into jobs and robberies. It was almost like the good old days, his spark was back, he wasn't hurting or worrying anymore.

That was until he received a letter from a woman I never heard of, telling him of his son he now has. He explained it all to me, how he had met a beautiful young waitress on the night I had left him. He said he wasn't thinking straight, that his emotions made him confused, the alcohol making him desperate to feel something other than the pain.

He tried his best to be there for them when he could, sending money and visiting every couple of months. He would tell me how Isaac was doing, that he taught him how to fish and planned on teaching him to ride when he was a bit older. He was proud of his son but it pained him that he couldn't do more for them, the gang always had to come first. I was there for all the stories and even helped him choose gifts for Isaacs birthdays, giving whatever advice I could give on raising a child, not that I knew much. After a few years disaster struck, Eliza and Isaac were murdered for the little money that they owned. Arthur didn't know till he saw the two crosses by the cabin, their names etched into the dark wood. I thought he was broken when Mary left him, but this, losing something so pure and innocent, it ruined him. He changed dramatically, keeping to himself, closing himself off to everyone else. No matter how much I tried to get him to open up he would dismiss me with harsh words, no longer willing to accept mine or anyone else's support. I refused to break the promise I made to myself years ago and whether he knew it or not, I'd still support and look out for him whenever I could, even though it would be at a distance. Dutch and Hosea tried to help, they knew the pain of losing a loved one. Hosea suffered the most after Bessie passed, he turned to the bottle for a full year, losing himself and almost his mind. The ever-loving father figure didn't want the same to happen to someone he saw as his son. The five of us, including John and Tilly, would talk about his decline, how he seemed to close off his heart and become cold. We tried to distract him, help him to forget or cope in ways that would stop him becoming the shell of the man he once was.

The gang had grown a great deal within a couple of years. You would believe having a supportive family around you would assist in not feeling alone and prevent you from hitting rock-bottom. But when someone relentlessly denies any and all support from those around them, they can't be helped. Not until they realise they need it. I lost the Arthur I fell for years ago - No - I don't have those sort of feelings for him, never have.

Over the next few years the gang ran into the worst trouble we have ever gotten ourselves into, we had to flee into the harsh mountains and leave the west behind us before heading back down south when it was safer. We lost people, good people, lost a lot of money and supplies, basically starting from scratch once we made camp in Horseshoe Overlook, hiding from the law, large bounties over a few of our heads.

It was here Arthur received a letter from Mary asking for help. It brought back many hard memories for Arthur, unearthing his old emotions from the depths. He bent to her will of course, but after he visited her to help with whatever she wanted he found nothing would become of them again, a small part of him hoped there was a chance.

He was suffering again, confused again.

Mary was using him, using his still evident feelings for her to her advantage. Did she know how this was affecting him? Did she care? Seeing him being drawn back to her despite knowing it wouldn't work out, well, it enraged me, more than it probably should have. He had pushed me away not long after the loss of Eliza and Isaac, no longer was I able to be the one he could confide in but by God, I wasn't going to stand on the sidelines and watch him get hurt by her again.

I loved him too much to see that happen. I made a promise.

[invisibleinorange]

Swelter Weather  | 7/?

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: M Warnings: None at this point. Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Marina Thompson/Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane, Kate Sheffield/Anthony Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Hastings Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Phillip Crane, Benedict Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin

Summary: Colin Bridgerton is weary from travel and decides to spend the summer at the Aubrey Hall. While his initial plans were to avoid his perfect family, he ends up sharing the house with Eloise and Penelope. This is a Modern AU!

If it weren’t for the fact it would have disturbed the warm, soft body curled into to him, Colin wouldn’t have hesitated to get up and shut the curtains to stop the sun from filling his room.  He had zero interest in leaving his room or her though.

It was the strangest thing.  He’d never really craved someone’s company as much as hers. There had been people who had inspired less than gentlemanly thoughts in him.  There were many times he’d considered giving into those desires but not once had he wanted more than those things with those other women.

He wanted everything with Penelope and that was why he’d forced himself to take a step back, to make sure that he was doing things the right way with her.  He couldn’t possibly be happier than he was to hold her tight or listen to the little sounds she made in her sleep.

He’d always thought she was beautiful but seeing her at peace, lost in dreams only made him think her more beautiful. He dare say she was the most beautiful person in the world and she was his.  The novelty of the thought of it hadn’t worn off nor did he think that it ever would.

He was admittedly a little nervous about how Eloise might react to the news that they were together but he knew things would be okay. Eloise would come around. She always did.

He pushed all thoughts of his sister from his mind as he buried his face into Penelope’s messy red curls, closing his eyes as if to push away the morning and extend this bliss a little longer.

He smiled when he saw her eyes flicker open and her own tired smile form across her face.  Penelope wasn’t shy about snuggling into him all the more.  It was funny how intimate they could be despite the fact he hadn’t let them complete intimacy.

“Do you think Eloise would buy me still feeling ill and us needing to stay in here all day?” she murmured quietly.

“Not a chance,” he told her with a laugh.  Eloise definitely wouldn’t just leave them be unless she was explicitly told to.

Neither of them were any particular hurry to get up.  Colin knew his stomach would eventually betray him and demand breakfast would strike but for now, he just wanted to savor the moment.

In fact, he was pretty sure he could smell bacon permeating from the kitchen. Normally that would have sent him wandering down to try and get first dibs but times were changing.  His desire to keep cuddling Penelope trumped any food craving.

“I can’t believe she’s already up,” Penelope murmured, apparently smelling the bacon too. She sighed at the thought they were probably going to have to get up and show their face downstairs. “She’s not even a morning person.”

“I could always go down and make a big plate,” Colin said after a moment.  “Breakfast in bed?... All day in bed with me.”

“I’d be crazy to say no to that,”  she murmured leaning to steal a kiss before he could get up, which honestly made him not want to get up. He pushed himself up and out from under the comforter with a sigh.

Eloise was going to have to deal with him coming down in pajama bottoms and no shirt.  This was as dressed as he was going to get.

“You just stay right there,” he said with a grin. “I’ll deal with Eloise.”

--

Colin fully intended to grab a plate of food and tell Eloise to find something else to do today.  He had the whole thing prepared in his head, carefully crafted to deal and then escape back to his blissful little bubble.

His mind went blank when he made it down the kitchen and didn’t just fine his sister.  His eyes widened slightly at the sight of Phillip helping her make breakfast.

He watched for a long moment, trying to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating things. Phillip was a little bit too comfortable for his liking and the protective older brother in him debated whether he ought to punch his friend or start asking questions.

He cleared his throat loudly, an act he hoped to split up whatever was happening.  Eloise didn’t even have the modesty to look embarrassed by this whole thing though.

“How’s Pen?” she asked a little too casually. “Still feeling under the weather?”

The mention of Penelope did bring his mission back to mind. He was supposed to be grabbing plates and heading back up stairs.  His mind was flailing trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to be doing at this point.

“- I was coming to get her a plate,”  Colin said, eyeing Eloise and Phillip suspiciously.  “Clearly it was too late last night and you offered Phillip one of the other guest rooms.”

“Not exactly,”  Eloise said sheepishly.

Colin knew that look. He’d seen it on their older brothers plenty of times after they’d brought random girls back in the past.  He clenched his fist. He was going to murder Phillip Crane.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked despite the fact he had zero business doing it.

“Well, you could say that he was ill and I took care of him,” Eloise said crossing her arms. She definitely knew that Penelope hadn’t been ill and she definitely knew Penelope was in his bed at the moment.

“I didn’t -  we literally slept,” Colin said defensive over his own actions.

“I really should get going,” Phillip said clearly not wanting to get in the middle of family drama.  “It seems like you two have things to talk about.”

Both Bridgerton heads turned and said ‘no’ in unison. This really did have to stop becoming a thing.  They didn’t wait to see that he was staying though as they were busy squaring off.

“You invited him to distract me so you could fuck my best friend,” Eloise said in an accusatory voice.

“I’m still here,” Phillip felt a need to interject.

“Oh dear,” a fourth voice said from the doorway. Penelope had apparently heard the voices and decided to come mediate. She raised an eyebrow at the presence of Phillip.  That was a turn.

She moved closer to Phillip and shook her head, giving a consolatory smile.  “There is really no getting in the middle of these things. You just have to let them fight it out. You’ll learn.”

“I didn’t fuck her,” Colin argued. “We are together though, no thanks to you and your constant need to get in the middle.”

“You’re a liar and a hypocrite,” Eloise said right back.

“I’m neither. But you have no business sleeping with people that you don’t even know, especially not when you’re –“

“I wasn’t,”  Eloise said shaking her head. “I’m not a child.  I have just as much right as you do to invite whoever I want here. I like Phillip.”

“He’s literally years older than you and he has kids,” Colin argued.

Phillip wasn’t sure whether he should be offended or not but Penelope gave him a sympathetic glance,  reached to grab a filled plate handing him one so they could at least eat breakfast while watching and making sure blood wasn’t drawn in this fight.

“You’re a few years older than Penelope,” Eloise argued.

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“Because I love her,” he said talking with his hands. “I’ve literally been in denial for years and you’re really going to falsely equate hooking up with some guy you’ve known all of two seconds to me wanting to be with Penelope.”

“You what?” Penelope interjected, nearly choking on her bacon. Phillip had to give her a pat on the back to stop the coughing.

“I thought you said we weren’t to interject,” Phillip murmured.

“Well when people say they love you get to interject,” Penelope murmured.

Eloise shook her head, narrowed her eyes.  “I don’t need to travel the world to figure out what I want,” she said pointedly.  “Don’t try to get in the middle of it with this big brother nonsense and I’ll get out of your way.”

“Really?” Colin asked after a long moment, slightly unsure whether he’d won this argument or not, especially since Eloise was going to let him be with Penelope without trying to stop it, if he got out of her way.

“I mean, she’s still my best friend and I will hurt you if you hurt her but she’s also an adult and clearly she is a willing victim.”

“I wouldn’t really go with victim,” Colin said after a moment, remembering there was food now that things were at least semi-decided. His gaze finally moved over to where Penelope and Phillip had been standing, eating and watching.  He offered a small smile. “Girlfriend is the term we’re going with these days. Speaking of which, we’re going back upstairs.”

Eloise made a face at that.

“At least me and Phillip will be able to keep our breakfast down,” she said to their retreating backs as they disappeared just as easily as they’d interrupted her morning.