#the ogre demon boss thing DID NOT want me to get up

[danceswithdarkspawn]

Hadley is having a fun time in the Fade (lies and slander)

[maonuis]

[ENG] Prison Breakers - Chapter 02

Proofreader: moricchiichan and ciel 

Original Writer: 西岡麻衣子 (Nishioka Maiko)

Season: Autumn

Characters: Yuuki Makoto, Oogami Koga, Himemiya Tori.

“Had it not been for the laws of this land, I could have you beheaded as punishment! You ogre! Demon! Human-faced dog!“

Tori: Glug, glug... Gaaah! What was I thinking, coming to a place like this… I just figured I could drink a lot of water to fill my tummy!

Nngh… It smells soooo good in here. Instead of getting full, I'm getting even hungrier~...

Why do I have to do this… I feel like I’m gonna cry… (sob)

Aah…! No, no, I can’t give up now! I’ll show Yuzuru who’s boss!

Leeet’s see… Lemme put today’s share in my piggy bank…

… (shakes piggy bank to make some noise)

Aah… I’m barely saving any money… Even though I’m working so hard~!

Hm? Did someone call me just now…?

No way, am I so hungry that I’m hearing things? Am I dying?!

Makoto: He~y, Himemiya-kun~

Tori: Hm? So I didn’t imagine it? Um, who’s calling me…?

Yuuki-senpai? And also… Yaaay ♪ Anzu is here too!

What is it, what is it?? Did you call for me, Anzu? Yuuki-senpai too I guess, since you’re also here.

Koga: ‘Sup, pipsqueak.

Tori: Ugh! Oogami… senpai is also here!

Koga: Did’ja just “ugh” at my face? Ya wanna be smacked into place again like I did during your circus training, huh?

Tori: No way, no way! I have already had enough of stuff like that!

Besides, my “ugh” didn’t mean anything bad! It was an acronym, see? “It’s Unexpectedly Good to meet you Here!” It’s all the rage to use acronyms right now!

Koga: Don’t try saving yer ass with an obvious lie. The hell ya mean with abbreviations, ya think everything’s a light novel now? [1]

Tori: Unini?! Don’t mess up my hair! I have it meticulously done every morning~!

Eugh~... How dare you go against me, I’m one of the most powerful people in this academy! Had it not been for the laws of this land, I could have you beheaded as punishment! You ogre! Demon! Human-faced dog!

Koga: Hey. No way in hell I’m accepting you calling me a dog! Correct yourself right now. I’m a werewolf!

Makoto: Ahaha, of course that’s what you focus on…

Tori: Aaah geez, shut up, shut up, shut uuuuuuuup!

Usually I wouldn’t even have time to be here dealing with you losers. I’m a very busy person, you know?

And even so I still went through the trouble of coming to talk to you. You should be grateful!

So? Why did you call me?

Makoto: Ah, we’re just having lunch all together, do you want to join us?

Tori: Eh? Me?

Hmm~... Well, I won't eat anything, but can I still sit here? Would that still be okay?

I feel bad taking a seat without having a proper lunch when this place is so full of people.

Makoto: That’s okay, but uuuuhm…? You aren’t having lunch? Is this some kind of riddle?

Tori: Nope, it's exactly what it sounds like. I’m not eating… Or maybe, I can’t eat would be more accurate?

You see, I’m trying to save money so I’m cutting down on some stuff~. That’s why I’m not having lunch.

But of course I still get hungry~. So I came here to get some water.

Makoto: Eh, Himemiya-kun, you’re saving money? Oh, so that’s why you’re carrying a piggy bank around.

Tori: Yup. I’ve been slowly saving up some money. But it’s still not anywhere close to enough.

Koga: What’s up with this. You’re short on cash too? 

Tori: From how you said that, I guess you’re in the same boat, Oogami-senpai? Huh, so that’s why you’re having such a sorry-looking meal.

Koga: Huh? It’s way less sorry than your pitiful attempt to fill your stomach with water.

Makoto: Come on, don’t fight…. But it really is a coincidence that you two are trying to save money at the same time.

Himemiya-kun, your family is super rich. I always figured you could get whatever you want by asking your parents to buy it for you.

Tori: Well… Yeah, that’s true, but still…

Makoto: Besides, you both have proper jobs, don’t you? So it’s not like you are going to run out of money anytime soon.

Koga: …Well, I got some stuff goin' on, is all. I wanna be able to get this money on my own instead of relying on UNDEAD.

Tori: Same here. It’s meaningless if I don’t do it by myself. That’s why I can’t rely on Papa and Mama.

Koga: Heh, you managed to say something cool for once. Even tho you’re just a pipsqueak. 

Tori: Hm. I’m kinda like, putting my pride as a man on the line here.

I bet that unlike my noble purpose, you are doing this for something dumb, right?

Koga: You pickin’ a fight with me? Huh?!

Tori: You’re the one who started it.

Makoto: Uwaah, at this rate they will really end up getting into a fist fight…! Anzu-chan, I'm leaving Himemiya-kun to you!

Come on, you’re both just hungry, so it’s making you go berserkl.

Look, Anzu-chan and I will share our food with you, so calm down! ...Hey!

Koga: Besides, a pipsqueak like you shouldn’t—hmph!?

Tori: Says you, Oogami-senpai—munch!

Koga: (munch munch) …. ♪

Tori: (munch munch) Tastyyy~ ♪

Makoto: Wow, amazing. They both calmed down immediately. It worked better than I expected….! Like Momotaro taming his animal companions with kibidango [2]… You really were hungry.

Tori: (gulp)

Hey, this is karaage, right? Has karaage always been so tasty?! This is the tastiest karaage I’ve ever had in my life!

Hm? What’s wrong Anzu?

Eh? You’ll share with me if I promise I won’t fight anymore?! 

Makoto: You two can have mine, too. Food tastes better when you share it.

Tori: I promise! I won’t fight anymore! I really mean it!

Koga: Tch. Guess there’s no choice. Ya boy here also knows how to keep his word.

Makoto: Ahaha, It’s almost like Anzu and I are taming wild anim—whoops.

Koga: ? Taming wild... what? Go on. Say it.

Makoto: N, nope! It’s nothing! Come on, shouldn’t you be eating? Let’s dig in~!

(That was waaay too close. I was about to say that it was almost like we were taming some wild animals.)

(But it was easier to calm them down than I expected. If I say that though, I bet they’ll get angry. It’d be better if I stay quiet…)

[1] In the original, Tori says “geh” when seeing Koga, which he later tries to save by saying “Genki desu ka?”, Koga replies “are you a pro wrestler now?!” to that. The reference is to either a certain wrestling event by the same name in Japan  or the catchphrase by politician and retired pro wrestler Antonio Inoki. All the translators and proofreaders I talked about this to were confused, so for the sake of better reading flow, we decided to adapt it somehow.

[2] From Wikipedia:  Kibi dango (黍団子, きびだんご, "millet dumpling") is Japanese dumpling made from the meal or flour of the kibi (proso millet) grain. The treat was used by folktale-hero Momotarō (the Peach Boy) to recruit his three beastly retainers, in the commonly known version of the tale.

Previous Chapter | ☆ | Next Chapter

[starkeaton]

the adventure zone: graduation character list

Well, i accidentally deleted the original graduation character list post, so here i am making another one. Oops. And as always, if anyone has important details i should add then feel free to suggest them!

Here are all the characters introduced in episodes 1-25. Named characters only!

Also i can’t hide spoilers! So, um..... I can’t put spoilers on this one. If you need the version with spoilers try this version of the post that i made on the adventure zone subreddit but youre not missing out on much.

# -EPISODE 1- (19 characters)

Hieronymous Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Hero/Villain school. at least 400 years old. wears shining blue armor with gold accents. also an elf. according to Tomas, he led the charge at the "battle of blood valley", brought the Kingdoms of Rickart and Dawnbreak to a peace treaty, and founded the school. a little boastful, a little prideful, [SPOILERS OMITTED], and overall a pretty good dude.

Higglemas Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Sidekick/Henchperson annex, cranky old elf. has a dog named hero who shows no signs of anything strange at all, ever. 

Gary (he/him): friendly room gargoyle. pseudo-hivemind.

Groundsy (he/him): the groundskeeper. a pretty nice fellow. don't go in his shed.

Hernandez (he/him): beautiful centaur professor of animal handling.

Jimson (he/him): human battlegrounds trainer for sidekicks/henchpeople, world famous featherweight champion, wields a staff. married to crushman.

Crushman (he/him): silver dragonborn with a sickle, and self-described beefy boy! heavyweight blood champion married to jimson. never lost a match for 8 years. full name Frostus Crushman.

Rolandus Fontaine (he/him): former prince, son of deposed king, kind of an asshole, maybe. wears a cape (important detail)

Zana (she/her): "terrifying" tiefling villain sorcerer, friend of rolandus. barkept the test tavern in ep2

Rhodes (she/her): hero ranger, friend of rolandus.

Buckminster Eden (he/him): hero guy. son of "The Iron Lord". their dad is stronger than rolandus's dad. his wiki page says rogue so i think hes a rogue? i never caught that and ive listened more times than i wish i did

Leon (he/him): softspoken buff, bald "fighter" (although i dont remember any clarification on how exactly he fights), sidekick of buckminster, around 28. anyone else keep forgetting he's bald? i keep forgetting it. >!gets sorta-drafted into becoming a falcon for higglemas and so far hasn't done much else.!<

Rainer Michelle (she/her): cheerful villainous necromancer with a floating chair. also, her name is pronounced "rainier" despite not being confirmed as such? travis ships her with fitzroy.

Tomas (he/him): human man with "kind eyes" and a good (psychic???) memory. guidance counselor.

Stewart LeBoeuf (he/him): brawny human man. serves food. there is no joke here, i promise

Mulligan (he/him): teaches potions. mentioned but doesn't appear yet. and we're like 25 episodes in. maybe we'll see him someday

Germaine, Victoria, Rattles (he/him,she/her,???/???): Skeleton crew. They live in the training room i guess, and as a result can never die, because "no one dies in the training room!" (note: someone now HAS to die in the training room). also their races are never explicitly stated but i guess they're probably human? in episode 3 travis brings up something about how many bones are in "the human body" and at this point i think i'm looking too deep into this so i'll just forget about it and you probably should too.

# -EPISODE 2- (9 characters)

Riveau (he/him): halfling, blame-taking teacher.

Mimi (they/them): gnome sidekick who builds cool robot prosthetics

Bartholemus (he/him): owl aarakocra accountant teacher, known for being the best accountant in the land and having a face some might describe as "smoochable". very pro capitalist :’( hope he gets better

Ramos (she/her): goliath teacher of shieldwork. *

Dip (she/her): sidekick, half-orc twin of pip

Pip (she/her): hero, half-orc twin of dip

Festo (they/them): fairy with "beautiful gossamer wings", independent study teacher of magic, loves to party

Snippers (he/him?): Let me tell you my story about Snippers the magic crab. When Travis gave the list of animals that Griffin could choose as Fitzroy's familiar's current form, he listed crab near the start, and this gave me excitement. Now i knew that crab was pretty unlikely but god i hoped that he would choose it. When the list went on- Bat, Cat, Crab, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Owl, Poisonous Snake, Fish, Rat, Raven, Seahorse, Spider or Weasel- I nearly lost hope. I was hoping so hard that Griffin would choose the crab, but i was ready to accept a non-crab familiar. It was just buried in that list. It wasn't the most useful animal and it was an obscure pick. And as Travis informed him that it didn't have to keep the form for the whole campaign, Griffin said those five words i wanted to hear so, so badly. "Well then it's a crab." Folks, I do not often react physically when something happens in media. But in that moment, i remember very clearly, i fist-pumped and yelled, "YES!!!!!!"

so anyway, Fitzroy has a crab.

Jackle (he/him): kenku teacher of sneakery. creepy dude. apparently knows something about argo? also his name is not spelled "jackal" for some reason. Also in later episodes theyve started calling him "The Jackle" for some reason??? *

# -EPISODE 3- (1 character)

Dakota (they/them): tavern instructor, clad in black/red leather. no race stated? probably human. *

# -EPISODE 4- (6 characters)

Gerry & Tom (she/her, he/him): shopkeepers at barns and nobles who seem to have very bad names. also constantly competing for customers? these guys got dropped faster than the heathcliff quests, which is honestly just sad.

Barb (she/her): the bartender. runs Springs Eternal in Last Hope. has a sweet seeing-eye hawk familiar. 

Jaryd Reginald (he/him): owner of Reginald Ore. Wants the workers to be held responsible for the damage caused by the xorn. (fun fact: originally i wrote down "Jerrod" because i wanted it to sound like a fantasy name, then realized it was probably "Jared" because theyre named after listeners, but i was pleased to find it confirmed that it's actually "Jaryd")

Candice (she/her): A Miner. thought those werent allowed in bars but, i guess not. Wants the mine owner to be held responsible for the xorn's damage.

Jade Johnson Esq. (she/her): lawyer.

# -EPISODE 5- (1 character)

Xorn: a big hungry gem eating guy from the plane of earth Low-Down Deep with 3 arms and 3 legs. why did travis just say "multi-armed" instead of specifying it was 3? who knows! Anyway it leaves

# -EPISODE 6- (3 characters)

Osric (he/him): the man, the myth, the bursar. finally shows up after being mentioned in episodes 2 and 4. he's an elf. 

breeze through the willows (she/her): Pegasus attacked by demons, lost her parents. introduced in ep1 but gets a name here so fuck it. also in ep>!16!< we find out shes a "white arabian pegasus" and i dont think thats a spoiler bc we shouldve really known it from the beginning

Sabor (he/him): Librarian/research teacher. also a TORTLE. Really good at recalling stuff, i guess. kinda reminds me of Tomas's memory thing but i'm sure that's just a coincidence... *

# -EPISODE 7- (1 character)

Mosh (he/him): The goliath blacksmith who welcomes argo into the unbroken chain. Also, and this is specific to the tumblr version of this post, all the characters with an * at the end of their descriptions are also members of the unbroken chain. if someone knows how to do spoilers on tumblr please tell me

# -EPISODE 8-

:)

# -EPISODE 9- (2 characters)

Eeiïäá#æ&éñn (pronounced like "Ian") (he/him?): an imp but without a shitty voice. also happens to not be violent. what a coincidence?

Terence (he/him): a chain devil with a real demonic name. minor boss of the imps. very convincing and very threatening. has the frightening ability to make you zone out during his fight

# -EPISODE 10- (2 characters)

Althea Song (she/her): elf with autumn-orange hair. representative from heroic oversight guild. i'd like to personally thank travis for spelling her name out.

Crabtree (she/her): Artificing teacher. Long gray hair with a long grey beard. no mentioned race, one might guess dwarf but that would be an assumption i suppose. also unbroken chain member, presumably the dwarf argo didn't recognize in episode 7.

# -EPISODE 11- (3 characters)

Marie (she/her): Grey-haired elf woman. She's the school's physician, i guess. Member of the unbroken chain.

Dendra Maplecourt (she/her): Fitzroy's mom. Has hot mint gum, i guess. She was mentioned earlier but i wasn't convinced she was a real person until this episode

Cool Gary (he/him): AYY ITS ME GARYR

# -EPISODE 12-

no new characters again!

# -EPISODE 13- (7 characters hhhyyyuu)

Kale (???/???): Head of the Placement Department, in charge of real world assignments. First mentioned in Ep4 but i missed that the last few times bc it is so brief. Gives exposition about missions i guess????? is that the only reason this chara cter exists

satyr thief (unnamed) (he/him): tries to rob thundermen, dies instantly

Ogre (he/him): teamed up with the satyr. his name is ogre.

Moon (he/him): A Sidekick. small pale sullen guy. no mentioned race. Why is there another FUCKING sidekick WE HAD ENOUGH hhhyuuuuuu

Deanna (she/her): A bigoted centaur with an obnoxious voice. Malwin the Strong's second in command.

Malwin the Strong (she/her): Leader of the centaurs of the scarlet woods. Wants to appease the spirit of the scarlet woods so that thecentaurs of the scarlet woods will be protected in the scarlet woods. Had a relationship with Arturas in the past but their clashes are currently known to get pretty heated.

Arturas (he/him): Leader of the Centaurs of the Valley, i guess. Had a relationship with Malwin. Centaur. Did i mention centaur? i cant think of anything else about this character

# -EPISODE 14- (2 characters)

Calhain (he/him): Human wizard, Malwin's magical advisor. Kind of an amateur wizard in a job high above his skill level. Graduated Wigginstaff's as a hero.

Spirit of the Scarlet Woods: A spirit who requires sacrifice in order to keep Malwin's herd safe and prosperous. Not keen on dubiously canonical combos, i guess. i wouldnt be either. also apparently the sacrifice depends on personal value, not how much value it has to the spirit.

# -EPISODE 15- (2 characters)

Sylvia Nite (she/her): Fitzroy's magic theory teacher at knight night school, who he turned into a catfish by accident. oops!

Chaos (they/them, maybe more): Presumably a deity, gave Fitz his powers and wants him to give in to his chaotic desires. (physical desc: 9 foot tall, iridescent 'mother of pearl' skin, pure white eyes, fine burgundy cloak with gold/onyx lining. their physical form beyond that seems to change every time they show up.)

# -EPISODE 16-

none -w-

# -EPISODE 17-

some demins happened. the big dudes are called "Pit Fiends" and the armored demon ladies are called "Erinyes", by the way. that was incredibly hard for me to figure out the first time, especially without headphones, i thought travis was saying "pig feet" and i just could not discern what the other things were

# -EPISODE 18- (6 characters)

snow on the mountain: shire horse pegasus

storm at sea: peruvian paso pegasus, vehement defender of The Guardian. doesn't have a goofy voice.. but he could have....

thaw of the spring: a winged horse

night of no clouds: a winged hhorse

The Guardian: "An ancient and powerful being that guards the unknown forest." Has protected the flock from demons for many many years. apparently is the voice that was talking to our firbolg in episode 1?

Grey, the Demon Prince (he/him): wants to cause a war, originally wanted to kill hiero and higgs, forces the heroes to build an army to fight his. As "Fauxronimous", he has skin the *color and pattern of* (but not necessarily made of) slate splashed with liquid, pointed ears, sharp teeth, shining eyes, horns of unspecified shape. 12 fucking feet tall. wonder if the slate-looking skin is related to garys. plot twist detected? Also i recently looked at the episode descriptions and found out his name is spelled "Gray", but really does it truly matter?

# -EPISODE 19- (2 characters)

Shabree Keene (she/her): Argo's mom, killed on the Mariah, possibly by the Commodore. Long auburn hair, green eyes. Mentioned earlier but described here, so fuck it.

**Thomas** (he/him): Argo's first mate on the Mariah, as the Kraken, in his chaos-dream. may or may not actually exist.

# -EPISODE 20- (1 character)

The Commodore (he/him): Reknowned hero of the seas, military regalia, great naval hero, presumably responsible for the death of Shabree Keene. No mentioned race. Seriously, they never mention this guy's race. The only thing described about him is how he's dressed and his evil smile. Does that mean he's human? Elf? Dwarf??? Who knows! maybe it just doesnt matter. 

# -EPISODE 21-

none

# -EPISODE 22-

not any of them. not any.

# -EPISODE 23- (1 character)

Ozymondelius (sp???) (it/its): A warforged teacher who just so happens to like war or something? i guess its in the name. only mentioned in this episode, doesnt show up yet.

# -EPISODE 24-

they have a fight in the training room but nobody dies :\\ maybe next time. also no new characters. pog

# -EPISODE 25- (4 characters)

Gherkin (he/him): Tall lankier skeleton, has a scimitar and a merkin, which is a pubic wig... and he wears a jerkin? which i guess is a kind of coat? also i think hes mute 

Tibia (she/her?) : Shorter skeleton with gold teeth, and long canines. i think both of the skeletons are mute actually.

The Lich King aka Gordy (he/him): Rainer's dad. Commands armies of the undead. lives in The Crypt. described as a hooded, skull-faced man with intricate black lines on his face, but changes to a shaved-head man with dark skin and vetiligo. Abandoned as a babby, raised by traveling parents, had necromancy powers, took Rainier in. Not actually very scary at all i don't know why he did the creepy laugh. Kind of a warm fatherly figure actually. hm. also people are speculating Gordy might be short for Gordita and his parents are maybe supposed to be lup and barry but THAT S JUST A THEORY.

our firbolg's father (he/him): A firbolg who lived by the code and was there when our firbolg was banished. Came to respect our firbolg's interest in a new way of life, in his final moments.

TOTAL: 72 NPCS! (well, including 2 extra PCs, i guess.)

Average: 2.88 NPCs per episode.

i was gonna not include the bone-PCs and have it be 69 but our firbolg's dad was just too important to not respect with a spot on the list.

anyway as always make sure to smack me with a blunt object if i forgot any characters!!!!!

[alynnl]

FF VI Rambling Notes 9/?

So picking up where I was before, I was headed to the town of Mobliz.  I took my level up squad (who are honestly only 2 levels behind) of Setzer, Sabin, Gau and Cyan.  I wanted to approach Terra again because she said that she needed more time.

When I arrive in Mobliz, I noticed that Terra, Duane and Katarin are absent from the underground.  The kids mention how Duane and Katarin aren’t really happy now because Katarin is pregnant.  My first playthrough, I didn’t really process what this meant, and my second playthrough I sort of laughed off the drama. (I was trying to hard to be edgy at the time, I’ll admit.)

 But during my third playthrough, gosh.  I can’t imagine what it’d be like to know that you’re bringing a child into a place like FF VI’s World of Ruin.  I’d be scared too.

After a cutscene behind the abandoned relics shop, your party faces off against the scary green ogre that you had to chase off before, that Terra couldn’t fight against.  For a while, I was holding my own as long as I kept up the heal spells, attacks, etc.  Gau’s Stray Cat rage was a great help since it does so much physical damage.  You fight on, and the ogre uses Sneeze to blow away two of your party members.

Terra fills in one of the spaces, and she stays morphed the whole battle.  Driven by her love and desires to protect the orphans, she does incredible amounts of damage with Fire 2 and ends the battle in no time flat.  There is a nice little cutscene where she talks to the kids, Duane and Katarin with her esper form before she decides to join you, for real this time!

So I have my second magical powerhouse back in my party!  

And I have to say that I really like how her arc played out.  Terra wanted to help the orphans the same way her friends helped her, when her memory was gone and she didn’t really have anyone else.  She was paying it forward, and felt like her fight to defeat Kefka was a way of bringing these kids a future.  

Terra even promises to go back to Mobliz, which couldn’t be a better place for her.  There, she’s not tied to her past where she was a Magitek soldier, nor does anyone care about her unusual heritage.  They just love and cherish her as a person.  As much as younger me used to ship her with Edgar, I realize that she’d be unhappy to leave Mobliz and the sort of family that she’s formed there for a strict life in the castle.  ... Then again, Edgar’s technical expertise could help them rebuild it into a place suitable for the kids to grow up in and they’d have a sort of long-distance relationship that becomes closer... okay, I’m heading into theory territory!  On to the actual gameplay!

I fly around to get Terra the best equipment from the weapon and armor shops, and then I go to the next town that has clues about one of our companions.  The snooty town of Jidoor is the next stop.  The NPCs mention an artist (sound familiar) and how she’s doing a painting for the guy who owns the biggest house in town.

I go inside the mansion and it’s straight out of survival horror all the sudden.  The lights are out, and monsters are running about the mansion’s basement.  Luckily they’re all weak against fire and all my people know Fire 2 at this point, plus Sabin’s Fire Dance as essential for outright cheesing this basement dungeon.

I saved Terra’s Morph skill for the actual boss, and spammed fire commands or cure commands.  The only annoying thing about the painting demon is that it has huge amounts of HP and MP and then does a seize/slip attack when it gets close to dying.  But I still did it my first try, so you have to give me credit for it!

Relm joins the party after the hideous painting demon is defeated, and our airship is looking a lot more lively!  I also got the Starlet esper, which has all the cure magic.  Cure 3 only has a x1 multiplier but I will learn it eventually...

I took a small detour to Narshe, which has now become a spooky ghost town.  Since some of the building are locked and I need Locke’s... skills to get inside,  I went to the almost empty Moogle Cave to recruit Mog and get his Moogle Charm. Then I talked to the esper Tritoch with Terra so that I could possibly learn Bolt 3, Ice 3 and Fire 3.  These also have a x1 multiplier so Terra is going to hold on to Tritoch for a while.  I was going to step into Umaro’s dungeon but I found the monsters’ levels to be a bit overwhelming, so I warped out of there with Mog and Tritoch in tow.

I remembered where to go next from the other two times I played, but there was a also a clue from an NPC in Figaro Castle that said people who were brainwashed by the cult of Kefka would wake up if they heard the voice of a loved one.  I bring Relm along so she can snap Strago out of his trance at the Fanatic’s Tower.  They have a pretty touching reunion, and then he also takes a ride on the Falcon!

I can’t remember if there are in-game clues to it, but I am off to the Phoenix Cave next.  When it doubt, just use a map to find it!  A certain treasure hunter is waiting and so is the Phoenix esper.  The whole gang is almost together, and then some!  Just make sure you have 8 amulets for your two four-person teams: you’ll need them if you want to resist the poison attacks.

That is all for now, until next time!

[dappercritter]

You have been granted the oppurtunity to recast your favorite animated movie! The only catch is that each of the characters in said movie are animated characters from different shows/movies (X from show/movie is Bob, X from show/movie is Larry, ect.)

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boi. You have no idea what you’ve just unleashed, my friend!

Once long ago, before the Cringe Ages, I loved recasting my favourite and sometimes least favourite movies with characters from my favourite shows. But then I started taking storytelling more seriously and sentimentally and… art-y, and I started acting as if I was above the stuff somehow. To this day, I still don’t know whether to blame the masses or my own hubris.

But now! Now, the floodgates of my childish, innocent mind are open once more! And I have just the idea: The Nightmare Before Christmas but with Villainous and Batman* characters! (With a few CN villains on the side.) So, I guess you could call it…

The Villainous Nightmare Before Batman! 

(No, wait. Uhhhhh…)

The Dark Knight Before Villainous!

Ok, yeah, that should do.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Dapper Critter, what are you doing this? Sure, Batman meets Villainous could work, but why are you bringing The Nightmare Before Christmas into this? It’s not even Halloween or Christmas! What are you thinking?!” Well, first of all, Christmas and Halloween aren’t just holidays, they’re states-of-mind. Second, I think it’s time you guys learned something important: I’m a big ol’ lowkey goth baby, baby! If it’s spooky or gothic, I’ll soak it up like a sponge in sink full of soapy water. And nothing says gothic like the hero of a city literally called “Gotham,” a show with a grotesque monster hiding behind the guise of a well-dressed man, and the classic story of Jack Skellington himself! What’s more, all three of these hold a special place in my heart, as they all played a huge part in helping me develop and realize my interest in gothic culture. Lastly, I can see the worlds of these three stories coming together quite easily. Behold, this plot pitch I just made!

“Another Halloween has come and gone in CN City, and another cheerful Christmas is on its way. Black Hat, unofficial master of all that is dark and evil, is thoroughly disgusted that the multiverse will soon be returning to it’s obnoxiously cheerful and wholesome state. He morosely tears a hole through time and space to talk a walk through reality, miserable that he’s stuck living in such a wonderful place. That is until he stumbles upon the city of Gotham, where no matter what time of year it is, the streets are filled with misery and malicious mayhem. Delighted, he sets out to celebrate Christmas his own way: by taking a certain caped-crusader out of the picture and making Gotham his very own holiday vacation home! Little does he know, there’s one special girl who thinks he can celebrate right where he is, as well as a certain clown who’s got his own sinister Christmas party in mind…”

So now that I’ve convinced you, I think it’s time we got down to the actual recasting! Let’s begin, my darling children of the Hot Topic night…

Black Hat as Jack Skellington: This couldn’t have been easier—they’re both creepy gentlemen with excellent taste in fashion. Yes, I know Black Hat is a lot less nice than our dear Pumpkin King, but let’s just say this story takes the odd liberty here and there. Not to mention, Black Hat could easily match Jack’s enthusiasm, intelligence, style, and obsessive inquisitions. Plus, he could totally pull off an evil Santa suit. (Though to be honest, I’m not sure if his snarling, slimy, cockney-accented voice could match Danny Elfman’s melodious singing.)

Demencia as Sally: A devoted, mildly ghoulish, and totally cute fangirl who’s always pining after their darling idol, and who may or may not have been made in a lab? It’s like this fancast is writing itself! Demencia might be a bit more proactive—and scary—in the plot, but I can see her a lot Sally’s dilemma in her as she tries to get Black Hat to notice her and not to abandon them in pursuit of a crazy dream. (Well, that I’m filthy Lizardhat trash.)

Dr. Flug as Dr. Finklestein: Flug, being the only mad scientist who’s employed by Black Hat, as well as the only to survive this, seems like a good pick. Sure, he’s not in a wheelchair and, no, he’s not as creepy as the bugger, but he could still work as our horrid hero’s right-hand man. Plus, since a big part of his canon character is putting up with Demencia’s BS (tell my family that means “baloney-sandwich”), he’d also do great as the one trying to keep the free-spirited love interest under control. Only here, it would be because he’s trying to keep Dem out of trouble so she doesn’t make his boss mad and try to kill him, as opposed to… whatever Finklestein’s problem is. And of course, he can still be menacing if need be. (Just watch the Lost Cases of Townsville and The Tree House…)

5.0.5. as Zero: A cute animal sidekick is a cute animal sidekick, I always say! And 5.0.5. was basically designed to be the ultimate cutesy animal sidekick. Therefore, he can be basically do anything Zero did. Try to cheer up Black Hat? Check. Pull Black Hate’s sleigh? Why couldn’t he? Yeah, he can’t be a flying ghost dog with a glowing nose, but I could just throw bedsheet on him (it was just after Halloween after all) and maybe say he swallowed that anti-gravity device.

Batman as Santa Claus: For Santa Clause, I needed someone who could be the absolute good guy in a world filled with bad guys and weirdos, much like Santa was in the movie. Likewise, since Jack kidnapped Santa to take over Christmas, Black Hat would need to kidnap the guy in charge of Gotham in order to take it for himself. So, of course he’s going to go after it’s #1 protector. I can also see Batman being the voice of reason in this madcap story. Not to mention that he could pull off a Santa suit even better than Black Hat! (In fact…)

The Joker as Oogie Boogie: This one I had some trouble with. I kept asking myself stuff like, “who would be brave enough to usurp Black Hat?,” “who could match Oogie’s siz—er, presence?” or “who would want to kidnap Santa Claus?,” and “Who would be into gambling and crazy funhouse stuff?” And then it came to me: The Joker. I mean, he’s got charisma, a sense of menace, he’s a cutthroat who loves to play with his enemies, and almost always has a big ol’ amusement park deathtrap on hand. Sure, he wouldn’t have the creepy demise like Oogie, but he could get a good beating and traumatizing from Black Hat and/or Demencia (who’d really hate being a damsel in distress, I imagine).

The Delightful Children from Down the Lane as Lock, Shock, and Barrel: At first, I thought of using other Batman villains or Shannon, Darrell, and Ernesto from OK K.O.!, but then I thought it would make more sense to have child villains from a CN show who could do bad things for slime-balls like Black Hat and Joker with pleasure. I instantly thought of these scheming, little monsters from Codename: Kids Next Door (an old favourite of mine). Although they’re usually talk and act in unison, they could have some comical bickering now and then. (After all, “Lenny is an idiot.”) Likewise, I can see Black Hat using Batman’s affinity for young people to get him while his guard’s down. They could make for great trick r’ treaters as well!

Lord Boxman as The Mayor: The mayor wasn’t a very important character, but he was definitely a memorable one, and the first character I thought of who could match his dual personality was Lord Boxman from OK K.O.! They both act like leaders but are really terrible at their jobs, suck up to better villains, and throw a whimpering tantrum like nobody else. (Also, I get to imagine Jim Cummings singing lines from The Nightmare Before Christmas songs, so that’s nice.)

Various CN Villains as The Citizens of Halloween Town: Like with The Mayor and the Trick R’ Treaters, I like to think that the various CN villains who cameoed in the Villainous Orientation series would show up as the denizens of the seedier side of CN City which—as you probably guessed—would be standing in for Halloween Town. Unfortunately, I do not have an encylcopediac knowledge of either Halloween Town residents, nor CN villains, so I’ll just list the ones I can remember and am the most proud of without offering any real justification.

Nohyas as Mr. Hyde: I couldn’t think of anyone besides Black Hat with a fancy hat or smaller versions of himself. Nohyas just so happens to have a suitable villain’s hat, and Handre (his hand puppet) could work in place of tiny clones living under his hats. (And yes, I like Mighty Magiswords. Deal with it.)

Zombozo as Clown with the Tear-Away Face: I don’t believe all creepy clowns look the same, but a ghoulish clown could easily stand in for another. Plus, I used to be a big Ben 10 fan, so I thought I ought to work something in.

Donny as Behemoth: This grass ogre from Adventure Time was more of an outright jerk than Behemoth, but he has a softer side so that would make him a great candidate for a resident gentle giant.

Loony Toons’ Dracula, Billy and Mandy’s Dracula, and Count Spankula as The Vampire Brothers: Do I really need to explain this one?

The Red Guy as Devil: I sure don’t need to elaborate on this one.

The Gangreen Gang as the Zombie Band: The Gangreens were basically based off edgy bands of the late 90’s, and thanks to Gorillaz, we know Ace can play the bass like a boss. Also, I can totally hear Ace saying, “Nice work, bone-daddy.”

Earl (AKA Dopey Black Hat) as Igor: Earl doesn’t get enough to do, inside or outside of Villainous canon.

The Beast as The Hanging Tree: Yeah, I know, I’m messed-up.

HIM as Harlequin Demon: Seriously, this one cast itself!

The Queen of the Black Puddle as Undersea Gal: I don’t watch Courage the Cowardly Dog much, but I remember seeing this villainess once before and I instantly thought she’d be a dead-ringer!

Morbidia and Gateaux as The Witches: Another natural casting derived from my soft spot for Mighty Magiswords. Although Gateaux is a male and a tall one at that, he’s perfect for being a huge suck-up. (I originally considered Miss Endive from Chowder and Duchess from Fosters’ Home for Imaginary Friends, but then I remembered that no matter what they dressed-up as, they’d be unlikeable.)

Monstrous Black Hat as The Monster Under the Bed: Like Earl and the other Black Hat clones, he doesn’t get enough love. (Though this may be a good thing, since he seems too nasty to receive or return it…)

Rob as The Melting Man: There aren’t a lot of CN villains who are melting, per se, but I figured this poor bad guy from Amazing World of Gumball and his unique media-mixed malformity could work.

Biowolf as The Wolfman: Because they’re both well designed wolfmen and I refuse to forget Generator Rex.

The Robins, Batgirl, and Alfred as the Elves: If Batman’s going to be Santa, then his support staff/family might as well be his helpers. Not to mention, they’d look great in cute little elf outfits happily working on Batman’s gadgets in preparation for the big Christmas crime wave.

The Justice League as The Army: Someone needs to show up to shoot-down Black Hat and his idea of Christmas at the end, and since he’s kidnapped Batman, I think it only makes sense that the Justice League would retaliate and come to clean up Black Hat’s mess. He’d also get a reminder that he isn’t just in Gotham City, he’s in the DC universe.

Unikitty as The Easter Bunny: I have my reasons. Them being, Unikitty is good at being sweet and innocent, the episode “Batkitty,” and her world is one of the few Black Hat has interacted with so far. I like to think that’s because he’s too repulsed by her cuteness to touch it. So imagine his reaction when the Delightful Children bring him to her by accident while she’s cosplaying as LEGO Batman or something.

And there you have it! I had a lot of fun making this recast. It was a great way to step out of my comfort zone and to have some fun. Not to mention, I had an excuse to listen to the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack early. I sincerely hope you like it as much as I do, @good-guy-is-alive!

Now I just need to make sure Black Hat himself doesn’t see this, or else he might find me and—

Oh no.

No, please, Mister Black Hat, sir, you don’t understand. I just was doing this for fun. I wasn’t trying to make you look—

OH NO.

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOjglkajgflkjdshGH;LJF’W abfklghlfuGFARGTADS!!!#%RQ#@!

…

…

…

*Since DC changes their Batman shows like people change their socks, we’ll just say that this is your standard DCAU/Bruce Timmverse Batman.

[talenlee]

Wizards of the Coast Employees, this article is going to feature custom card designs.

Goodness me, this project took some time. The opening documents you’ve read so far have all been done, weeks, no, almost months in advance, but as I sit here and pen this, it’s only two weeks before it goes up – and my goodness it has been a time to get this project finished.

First, let’s introduce you to the cards, and then we’ll talk some afterwards.

The Full Spoiler

Presented here is a full gallery of this set.

White cards

Blue Cards

Black Cards

Red Cards

Green Cards

Hybrid Cards

Colorless and Lands

Staying The Same

There’s a lot you might notice is just a straight up port from Kamigawa. I tried, as much as I could, to make every single card as similar to its earlier incarnation as I could, and in many cases that meant a straight up copy. With more and more cards coming from their earlier incarnations, that meant they slowly filled out slots. Eventually all I was doing was printing existing cards with less onerous mana costs, or spreading them into two colours where they were pretty decent versions in each colour. Oyobi, for example, was a perfectly acceptable Big Awkward Flier, that in red plays into a spell theme and in white plays into an army theme.

Old Kamigawa was a draft set of your old school, with the same third-set problem most sets had. White was built around a 1/2 defensive flier and a 2/2 offensive flier, and that meant that the second and third set had to introduce more fliers like that, when really they just wanted you to have more chances to draft [mtg_card]Mothrider Samurai[/mtg_card]. The same was true of green, where there were just too many big dumb idiots designed to hold the ground, and two or three cards that wanted to try and fill the role of [mtg_card]Kami of the Hunt[/mtg_card].

Cycle Maintenance

It wasn’t all frustrating recognitions of my own limits. There were also opportunities to make some cycles feel more lined up.

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The Epic spells previously had three cards that cared about what’s in a library, and two that didn’t. These new versions don’t have the keyword any more, and there’s some formatting oddness on Undying Flames (hey, it’s an open-source program), but I really like these designs.

Another cycle that I was able to change in a way I find more aesthetically pleasant is the Onna:

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In this case, they have an increasing mana cost – 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 – and a consistant body size. I really like this cycle, especially with the new flavour for the Kemuri-Onna – a woman who would lure people into the fog where they’d get lost.

What Didn’t Fit

There are a few themes and cycles that I couldn’t make work here, in the time frame and limitations I had. I was also building to try and leave space for a second set, the Champions of Kamigawa, to

The Maros! There’s a cycle from Saviors of Kamigawa of cards that have power and toughness equal to the cards in your hand, and they do extra stuff that express their colours. I really like them, and they’d probably be costed differently if printed today. They might get to appear in the next set.

The Patrons! Since the tribes are mono-colour, their spirit patrons would want to be as well.

Toshiro Umezawa! Here’s a big one – I simply couldn’t find the space to put Toshiro in without binning an existing black card that I feel is just as important to the story as Toshiro. Kiku and Marrow-Gnawer are both important hyozan reckoners, and Kiku is there to work with her Shadow. Still, Maga was necessary for the Heartbeat deck.

It’s not so bad though because Toshiro is an easy auto-include in the next set, and a total dick so it isn’t like you miss much without him.

All the demons! Yeah, demons are red and black, so they don’t really fit in the hybrid black-white and green-black spaces, which meant the ogres that care about demons all had to be shifted to the next set.

Then as for the cards that could be made to represent underserved characters? Almost none of them got in. Uyo – who is one of the most important characters in the novels – and the bulk of the actual characters from the novels. No Kubo! The Hyozan Reckoners themselves! Boss Uramon!

Changes From The Design

One perk that I almost ran with was that the shift to multicolor as our Kami trigger meant some cards could be rethemed as hybrid, and I almost did that with the Shrines. In the end the only card that got this treatment proper was [mtg_card]Promise of Bunrei[/mtg_card], but you could definitely hybrid pair the shrines with this design idea. The reason I kept them as they were is because hybrid shrines require slightly different effects.

The Planeswalkers are both all total fabrications, and the part of the design I think have the most room to give. If I was handing this set over to development I’d happily tell them to change the planeswalkers to be whatever the colours needed, since they’re all basically queer-signalling mythic figures from Japanese myth, chosen because they were what Genzoman had done art of.

There’s not a lot of flavour text! Some cards that were Very Busy got less busy, and I’m just not big on writing new flavour text. Especially since in this case, the flavour would want things like haiku – I tried writing one and it’s not very good so we move on.

Also, some cards just can’t work under the design needs I had. Without changing names, creature types, or art, there are some oddball cards that really shouldn’t be there but it’s kind of hard to do them any other way. Seizan, Perverter of Truth is used here to show a kami that feasts on corpses in a poisoned swamp, giving tainted knowledge, for example, so the name doesn’t quite work any more, and Sire of the Storms just shouldn’t be a no-strings flier. If I had art of that Sire on the ground, I might make it hexproof or something else. The Kodama of the North Tree also suffered – I couldn’t bring myself to make it a straight rip of its original 6/4 form with hexproof, because that’s very efficient beef. Hopefully the lost point of toughness makes it more fragile and means blue has to more aggressively protect it.

What Comes Next

My plan for the next set would be to produce an ally paired set; this lets you dig into more familiar ground, enable mono-colour spirit decks (as they can draw from both ally and enemy colour pairings), and make more staple spirits than oddball spirits. You could also include O-Kagachi in this set, and add the protector spirits (the Maros and the Kamigawa death-trigger dragons).

But that’s more of a thought exercise – not one I’m going to do. I mean jesus christ look at this.

MTG: Kamigawa Revamp, Part 5: Betrayers of Kamigawa Wizards of the Coast Employees, this article is going to feature custom card designs. Goodness me, this project took some time.

[thuashdore]

a super rough timeline that is here up until i write the detailed, nicer-looking timeline: warcraft edition

...because five expansions have passed since i wrote my original biography for beau, and people need to know what is going on.

my about section currently covers Vanilla WoW and The Burning Crusade. that’s the easy part out of the way. the following are events that have occurred that Beau has actively been involved in, in one way or another. brief descriptions only; the actual timeline (which is coming) will be a lot more detailed - mostly for those folks who are not in the Warcraft universe... but hey.

this is going to be a long read. you’ll probably see why it’s taking me a while to do the full version. the descriptions are, rightly so, memey. you’ve been warned.

there are also a few things in here that are purely explanation. again, for those who are NOT familiar with the Warcraft universe: i got you babe. <3

oh and for all of those who know Warcraft like the back of their hand: tl;dr the player character story line (paladin edition), but without faction-specific events. you’ll be surprised how many of those exist. <3

WRATH OF THE LICH KING - a.k.a. lets go kill the dead guy who made the undead guys and wants to end the world.

2nd scourge invasion and zombie infestation begins - Beau learns about the Argent Crusade (a happy group who all want to be friends together and forget about the red vs blue fight) and joins their ranks

Alliance + Horde (read: blue and red, respectively) declare war on the Lich King (glorified necromancer with a big sword), and all able-bodied individuals venture to Northrend (read: cold continent).

Naxxramas happens (tl;dr they kill a lot of dead people, including a cat and the Lich King’s best pal).

The Nexus War happens (tl;dr they kill a bunch of blue dragons - including the boss blue dragon) - Beau is involved largely due to her affiliations with the dragonflights; the Bronze in particular, though the Netherwing are involved too. 

The Halls of Stone and Lightning are found and unveiled. Ulduar happens soon after (uh... titan’s constructs think we’re bad. we punch them and they realise the tentacle guy underneath ulduar is the real bad guy. the world nearly ends, but through the power of friendship and good punching we stop that from happening. some red-haired mage gives a speech about it). 

THE CALL OF THE CRUSADE - including the Argent Tournament, the Trial of the Champion and the Trial of the Crusader/Grand Crusader (tl;dr the leader of the Argent Crusade - Tirion - thought it’d be good to decide who gets to go kill the Lich King by having us all fight each other, and whoever survived would go. a big bug was underneath us and we squished it). 

Assault on Icecrown Citadel - including the Forge of Souls (cool music btw), the Pit of Saron (go save Red + Blue people) and the Halls of Reflection (we found his big sword and he got angry at us so we had to run). Beau probably did this with Jaina... though I mean she wouldn’t say no to either her or Sylvanas asking. Jaina makes the most sense to me however. 

Icecrown Citadel (tl;dr it happens not long after the above and we go kill the Lich King and his friends and also his pet dragon... but he nearly kills us all first until Tirion takes our kill and Lich King’s dead dad resurrects us but in the good way).

Ruby Sanctum (tl;dr strange things happen with the dragons so we say we’ll take a look at it, and then...)

CATACLYSM - a.k.a. let’s go kill the angry black dragon who wants to end the world.

The Shattering / Elemental Unrest (the angry black dragon was cooking under the world for a long while and has now come out... so the world is on fire).

Beau spends most of her time with the Dragonflights again (given it directly involves them) and works on bringing peace to the elements... so involves going to the Throne of the Four Winds, Hyjal, Bastion of Twilight (and Blackwing Descent) and, of course, Firelands. One for each element (and also killing the bad dragons’ kids and wife!!).

The Hour of Twilight (read: the End of the World), which includes the End Time instance (basically “if you don’t stop bad dragon he’ll die anyway but so will everyone else so”) the Hour of Twilight (the Archbishop was the bad guy the whole time!!) and Dragon Soul (Green Orc Jesus gets the killing blow this time, but we do kill the bad dragon and a bunch of tentacle things - remember Ulduar? those, but Less).

MISTS OF PANDARIA - a.k.a. lets go meet the pandas who have been hiding for millenia and then kill the Orc who wants to end the world (but only for anyone that isn't an Orc just like him... JUST like him).

Lil Prequel here wow first time but Beau spends her time with the Dragonflights, who are now not immortal. I know I didn’t mention that before, but now it’s irrelevant - they’re not immortal now. Most people don’t get that. Or agree with it. But i’m just saying either way they’re Tired after the fight with their bad brother, immortal or not, so this is what she does for a bit.

Garrosh Hellscream, Big Orc Leader of the Horde, decides to bomb Theramore (cute city that did not deserve it). The first time that something like this has ever happened. Pretty much everyone is shocked except for the people who knew about it... which is a few people. Jaina Proudmoore (read: ruler of Theramore and someone you don’t want to piss off) is pissed off; very hurt and distraught by the destruction of her home. Red and Blue are at each other’s throats because of it.

Pandaria is discovered (read: the land covered in the mist?? yeah that one. it has pandas on it... and other things), and Beau travels there with, surprise, the Bronze Dragonflight.

Pandaria is a lot of Personal Growth for Beau, because of the Sha (read: bad emotions made manifest that feed off of people experiencing said negative emotions). she faces a lot of her innermost demons and is forced to conquer them in order to be able to properly help the people of Azeroth. there’ll be a big post on this someday, but for a good portion of the expansion she assists the Pandaren in dealing with the Sha presence.

Isle of Thunder is discovered, and the Throne of Thunder raid happens (tl;dr Lightning Man wants to rule the world; fails). Beau has limited involvement in the former (its primarily dominated by blood elves/reds and the Kirin Tor Offensive/blues), but is involved in the latter.

Then the Horde (specifically, the trolls - big boy troll leader Vol’jin) begins their revolution against their Warchief, Big Bad Orc Garrosh Hellscream. Beau assists with the rebels, as do the Alliance and most of the current Horde. Garrosh unleashes the Sha of Pride (read: worst one) and destroys the nicest place on Pandaria. Everyone is angry.

Siege of Orgrimmar (read: Horde capital city) happens - we kill Big Bad Garrosh’s friends but he somehow evades our kills, because player characters don’t get killing blows in this game until WoD. Vol’jin becomes the Warchief, and him and Varian (read: king of the blues) end the war! No more Alliance vs. Horde! For like two expansions!!!!

Garrosh is put on Trial... and escapes, with a Bronze Dragon (who’s actually an Infinite dragon... who are Bronze dragons that don’t agree with keeping to the destined timeways so they do what they like). they travel back in time, and we have to follow them.

WARLORDS OF DRAENOR - a.k.a. the expansion no one talks about... that ends with a bunch of guys wanting to end the world.

Prelude!!! Garrosh goes back in time, finds his dad, and they make a New Horde (the Iron Horde), and they make the current Dark Portal (read: big demon portal thing) bigger and more red, and plan to invade Azeroth! again! this has happened before!

Iron Horde invade Azeroth - we stop them, but also decide to go through the Portal to the ALTERNATIVE Draenor (read: it was this place called Outland... which is where we were in The Burning Crusade, but before Outland became Outland, it was Draenor. work with me please). 

Khadgar (uh... powerful mage; little eccentric; looks old but is actually like 10 yrs older than Beau but got made to look old bc of magic; Father of the Institute for Fallout fans - but nicer than Father is) thinks it’s a good idea to free Gul’dan (green warlock; bad; smelly) because he’s the guy powering the portal. We’ll regret that later, but right now it does stop the Iron Horde from invading Azeroth.

Beau, being a Neutral(tm), spends most of her time with Khadgar in his tower. Assists with liberating Shattrath (read: important light city), helps find and kill Garrosh (but Green Jesus Thrall actually kills him) and also participates in Highmaul (kill a bunch of ogres) and Blackrock Foundry (kill the orc making the weapons for the Iron Horde). Khadgar also starts making a ring of immense power, to give us an edge. He also kills us a few times - accidentally.

The Iron Horde crumbles after killing Blackhand (weapon orc we killed in the Foundry) and Gul’dan (here comes the regret) makes the remaining orcs drink the green goop that comes from a big demon (Garrosh wanted to stop this, but we killed him so...). the orcs turn green just like they are in reality, but now we have to fight Demon Orcs... oh, and Gul’dan summons Archimonde (big demon overlord who’s one of Sargeras’ - leader of the demons - best friends).

Surprise surprise, now we go and kill Archimonde and all of the other people who are now a part of the Burning Legion (Sargeras’ army of demons and other races... but mostly demons). We manage, but Gul’dan is transported to Azeroth by Archimonde and he finds Illidan (uh... there’s no easy way to explain Illidan so we’ll just say he’s a big winged elf-demon man, but a kind of okay one???), who’s trapped in a crystal. 

The end of Warlords is that we’re all friends, we have a cool powerful ring, and we’ve killed Archimonde - but... Gul’dan is free, has Illidan, and is going to summon all the demons to Azeroth.

LEGION - a.k.a. the demons, and Sargeras, really really want to end the world.

Prelude: I won’t lie, I honestly forget how we got back to Azeroth after traveling to an alternate timeline. Warlords was a fever dream to most people, but either way we did it... and when we get home there’s green fire everywhere and demons are upon every known orifice of Azeroth.

The whole of Azeroth fight the demons for a bit, because while there’s a lot it’s kind of like “mm, we can handle this actually”

The Battle for Broken Shore happens, and as it turns out we underestimated how many demons were here. Alliance and Horde thought a “small squadron” would suffice... but no. The Literal Entire Legion is here and MORE are coming. Tirion who got the killing blow on Lich King dies. Vol’jin Warchief of the Horde dies. Varian king of the blues dies. It’s a huge mess and everyone has to retreat.

Dalaran (read: a floating magic city) is moved from where it is now (Northrend, and then Karazhan - a tower... we’ll leave it at that) is moved to the Broken Shore and we declare war against the Legion.

Beau is chosen by Tirion to succeed him as Highlord of the Silver Hand (basically, she’s in charge of the paladins and makes sure they eat their vegetables before battle). She gets shiny weapons because of this, that grow in power the more you feed them... not literally, but figuratively. Don’t ask.

We find the Pillars of Creation (read: titan artifacts) to help us fight Sargeras, and along the way we also liberate an ancient city and also push back the Emerald Nightmare (read: uh... corruption of the world? its bad, alright, so we kill it). 

Oh, we also kill Gul’dan (and save Illidan!).

...but he’s already summoned his main hoe: Kil’jaeden (read: Archimonde’s best bro), so now we’ve got to go and defeat him too - preferably before he gets to Azeroth.

We take back the Broken Shore and infiltrate the Tomb of Sargeras (which is where the demons are coming from) and because we’ve got all the Pillars of Creation and the cool weapons we’re able to do it. Huzzah!

We do almost nearly die in space but Illidan uses a stone to teleport us to safety, however he also brings a demon-infested planet along with us.

We hate that at first, but Velen (read: the non-corrupted trio of the once Golden Trio: Archimonde, Kil’jaeden and Velen) decides we should end the Legion while we have the advantage, so makes us a little golden dingy spaceship to travel to the demon planet and... well, defeat and destroy the Legion.

We fight on Argus (read: the demon planet) for a long time and invade Antorus, the Burning Throne - the main operating hub for the Legion. We kill everyone there and fight a literal corrupt titan!! twice!! and then with the power of the non-corrupt titans, they’re able to bind Sargeras to his former seat on the pantheon (read: a literal stage with thrones on it, one for each Titan), which does end the reign of the Legion.

...Sargeras is pissed because he REALLY wanted Azeroth to die, so before he’s bound to his chair forever like a big baby he takes his flame sword and stabs Azeroth with it.

...oh this is also a good time to mention that Azeroth is actually alive and a Titan, but like... a not born one yet. Azeroth the planet is an egg for Azeroth, the titan. anyway.

We go back to Azeroth and the planet is bleeding, and Teams Red and Blue go crazy over whatever gunk is oozing out of the wound Sargeras’ sword has left behind. So they start fighting over it. Which brings us to...

BATTLE FOR AZEROTH - a.k.a. blizzard are telling us it’s a Red vs. Blue expansion when really it’ll end up being something like “the old gods want to end the world”.

this is where we are now. Red and Blue have a new leader on each side... and the whole Azerite (the name given to the gunk oozing out of the wound left by Sargeras’ flame sword) thing is pretty much causing each side to declare war. Beau, being neutral, is... worried, to say the least; she still doesn’t have a home of her own and being neutral during a faction war is... Difficult. she’s hoping her status as Highlord will help. her focus is mainly on providing aid to those who need it, and figuring out a way to mend Azeroth’s wounds and stop Her from getting too damaged.

...and that is all I can say, for now.

[prismatranslates-cue]

Yuzuha [Forever Friends] Part 2

Previously: Part 1.

Yuzuha: The show...is definitely going to get stopped...

Yuuki: Please, tell us what you mean.

Yuzuha: Outside...I saw my Papa outside the venue...

Airi: Eh? Your Papa?

Yuzuha: He was wearing this awful disguise... Some weird hat on his head and a fake moustache on his face.

Yuzuha: Does he really think he’s fooling anyone with that?

Yuuki: Well, he sure sounds like your dad.

Airi: But why does your dad being here mean the show’s getting stopped...?

Manager: Is he not here to cheer for you?

Chisa: I’m sure he just wants to watch his daughter shining bright onstage.

Yuzuha: You’re wrong! That’s not how he is at all!

Airi: What do you mean...?

Yuzuha: Papa never liked the idea of me becoming a seiyuu.

Yuuki: You did mention that before, but...

Yuzuha: Recently, I’ve been getting a bunch of messages from him. Probably wants me to go to court again.

Airi: Go to court...?

Chisa: Think she means to say a courtship meeting. [1]

Yuuki: Your dad asks you to go to courtship meetings?

Yuzuha: It’s less ‘asking’ and more, hm, how do you say it? Like, he really pushes it on me...

Chisa: He forces you to go.

Yuzuha: Yeah! That’s it, I think!

Airi: A courtship meeting...like with the prince you were talking about earlier?

Yuuki: A prince?! There are still princes in this day and age?

Manager: Of course. They don’t usually meddle in the affairs of commoners like us though.

Airi: It sounds like he’s a prince from an oil-producing country.

Chisa: Oil?!

Yuuki: What, so he’s like a child who grew up on a gas station?

Chisa: More like the big boss of every gas station. I bet he’s suuuuuuper rich.

Yuuki: Wow...

Yuzuha: There is nothing “wow” about it!

Airi: Yuzuha-chan...

Yuzuha: I don’t want money. I want to be free.

Chisa: But if you really don’t want to, can’t you just tell him so?

Yuzuha: You guys don’t know my Papa.

Chisa: I..suppose not...

Yuzuha: Thing is, he can be real frightening when he wants to be. Even demons and ogres would run away from him.

Airi: That sounds scary...

Yuzuha: Once he’s decided he wants something, there’s no stopping him. Whatever you try, he’ll stop at nothing to get his way.

Yuzuha: He’s probably real angry right now. Like a vengeful god come to tear this live show asunder.

Yuuki: Manager, what do you make of all this?

Chisa: Should we call the police?

Manager: That seems a little much...

Yuzuha: Call them if you want, it won’t do anything. I’m sure he’s got them in his pocket anyway.

Airi: You mean, he bribed them...?

Yuzuha: Once when I was in grade school, I went to an amusement park with my boyfriend. Turns out, everyone else there was a paid extra.

Airi: How do you mean...?

Yuzuha: Papa bribed the people in charge at that amusement park, then he hired a bunch of extras to be there and keep watch over me for the entire day.

Yuzuha: The park staff, the other visitors, all of them were people he paid to be there.

Chisa: Are you for real...?

Yuuki: I mean, you were just a grade schooler back then, right...?

Yuzuha: I’m his only daughter, so he’s really protective of me. Tries to keep me locked up like a princess in a cage.

Chisa: You mean a princess in a tower? Oh, or did you combine it with a bird in a cage?

Airi: Your dad’s something else...

Yuzuha: Another time when I was in middle school, I got fed up with him, so I ran away from home. What do you think happened next?

Yuuki: What...?

Yuzuha: They closed the train station down, and he had twenty helicopters flying around the area looking for me, with searchlights and everything. It was like I was public enemy number one.

Chisa: Wow...

Yuzuha: That’s why I was so relieved to find a place that let me live in a dorm while working towards my dream of being a seiyuu. It was like a miracle.

Manager: We haven’t heard anything from him, I don’t think...

Yuzuha: Normally he’d just go straight to bribing the company.

Manager: Ehh?!

Yuzuha: But yes, I haven’t heard much from him either, aside from a few phone calls.

Airi: I see...

Yuzuha: So then, how come he’s here now? I’m sure he’s looking to ruin things somehow.

Yuuki: Manager...

Manager: I’m pretty sure it’ll be fine... But, well, I’ll call the President over.

Yuuki: Please and thank you.

Yuzuha: I don’t want to cause trouble for everyone... If it’s come to this, I have to do something...

Airi: What are you planning on doing...?

Yuzuha: Don’t worry. Nothing stops our ship of steam, right?

Chisa: You mean our ship of dreams...?

To be continued...in Part 3.

Notes

[1]: The formal term is "omiai", a Japanese custom of meeting a prospective spouse, which Yuzuha originally mixes up with "omimai", visiting the sick.

[leesungjongg]

Untitled

so here is my fic for anyone who wants to see it. thank u for liking my post, i appreciate it. 

Basic summary: OT7, Fantasy, A world where magical beings rule - alternatively, a world where humans are at the bottom of the society. Totally looked down upon for not having magical powers. This is based off an AU my friend Sami made a long time ago, and when she showed me, I was inspired to create this. Thank you, Sami, for coming up with this phenomenal AU and allowing me to write something based off of it. <3

In this world, magic is universal. Mythical creatures exist, except they’re not called mythical creatures, they’re called neighbors, friends, and family. Elves, dragons, nymphs, unicorns, demons, anything anyone can even think of, including uncategorized beings, ones who haven’t been identified in this realm. 

And of course, everyone in this world is born with a certain ability. Someone might have the ability to duplicate themselves, sense malicious forthcoming, or travel through different dimensions. That’s what Sunggyu can do.

He’s been to the human realm a few times before, just to see what it’s like. He can hop from different dimensions, and he’s been to over 340 of them so far. It takes up a lot of his energy though, so he does it whenever he has enough. That’s kind of the thing with magic - it’s a limited amount, and everyone has to recharge themselves after using it. 

It’s also probably why no one really fights with magic anymore. It’s not worth wasting energy on someone else when you could use it for something useful. That’s what the Council of Elders have told Sunggyu, at least. He’s been getting skeptical of the Council lately. Some things just don’t add up. 

As he’s thinking and walking across the cobbled streets, Sunggyu passes by a floating orb, which tells him there will be a talent show tomorrow night on the corner of Charmed and Dove. He’s never heard of Charmed and Dove, but he takes the orb and puts it in his coat pocket for later. 

Just when Sunggyu is about to turn around and head back to a friend’s place, he sees a young boy, no older than 17, pushed out onto the street by the store owner. The owner has a boar’s head and patchy skin, with a bit of drool dripping down from his mouth.

“And stay out, you useless scum,” the ogre snarls. He slams the wooden door behind him, and even Sunggyu has a chill run down his spine. He knows never to mess with those types of ogres, especially after getting caught by one during his dimension hops. 

When Sunggyu looks back at the boy, he seems to be hurt. Probably scraped his leg or twisted his ankle and fell. He’s gathering up his clothes to put into the suitcase the store owner threw at him. 

Not knowing the situation, Sunggyu walks over to the boy, gently touching his shoulder. The boy flinches and then looks up at him. 

Sunggyu pulls out a blue vial and hands it over to him. 

“Oh, what- what is this?”

“It’s a healing potion. Take it, you look like you hurt yourself.”

“Ahh, thank you, but I can’t take that,” he says, nervously darting his eyes around. He goes back to picking up his clothes and stuffing it in his suitcase.

“Take it, I have plenty more I can make,” Sunggyu encourages him.

Before he knows it, he can hear the heavy breathing of the hog-headed creature behind him. “Don’t bother with him, sir. He’s a weakling,” he says in a gravelly voice. “A human.” He says the last word as if it’s the lowest, most despicable thing he’s ever said. 

At that, the young boy flinches again, and this time, Sunggyu can see the little reddish purple marks scattered across his body. 

“Did you do this?” Sunggyu says defensively, still looking over the boy’s bruises. Human or not, no one deserves to be punished for who they are.

“Trash like him deserve it,” the ogre scoffs. Sunggyu clenches his teeth and takes a good look at the creature behind him.

“If you mean to say that this is the behavior you have towards your employees, I’ll have to bring this issue up to the Council of Elders.” As Sunggyu says this, the ogre’s eyes widen and for a second, he looks completely dumbfounded. Everyone knows that Sunggyu has ties to the Council of Elders. It doesn’t mean he agrees with every word that comes out of their mouths, though. Then the ogre regains his composure.

“Why you-!” he snarls.

“Run,” Sunggyu tells the boy, and he grabs his hand and they sprint away from the hog-headed creature. 

They duck into a nearby alleyway, and Sunggyu covers his cape over the young boy and himself and they find themselves on a different street. Sure, Sunggyu can dimension hop, but he can also hop to places in his own world. It’s more energy efficient, plus he’s lazy. 

Sunggyu sighs in relief. They’re safe for now, thankfully. He uncovers his cape to tell the boy this, but he gets a punch up the nose instead. The boy runs away, but before he can turn the corner, he floats up into the air. 

“Wait! Wai- wait,” Sunggyu gasps, clutching his nose and stomach. That kid sure is fast. 

Around the corner comes Sungyeol, a mischievous fairy that Sunggyu also encountered during one of his dimension hops. 

“You know,” Sunggyu says, waving his finger and trying to catch his breath, “you’re always here at the right time, Sungyeol. Have you been keeping tabs on me?”

“‘Course not, boss. I can just sense when you need my assistance. Which is like, everyday,” Sungyeol smirks.

“Don’t make me regret bringing you here,” Sunggyu warns, biting back a smile. He’ll never admit it, but he’s forever grateful for Sungyeol. 

“Who’s the kid?” the fairy says, bringing their attention back to the human in midair. 

“I don’t know his name. Let’s bring him down - but keep him at a distance,” Sunggyu says, rubbing his nose. “He packs a pretty hard punch.”

~~~~~~

Sungjong is the kid’s name. He’s 17, as Sunggyu suspected, and he’s trying to find jobs here and there just to make a living. He keeps his identity secret, which clearly doesn’t last long. 

Sungjong is skinny. The last proper meal he had was when his mother made him chicken soup and left him on the streets, unable to care for him anymore. “It makes sense,” Sungjong reasons. “I mean, there’s not a lot of food here that I can eat anyway. I just made things harder for her.”

“Who was your mother?” Sungyeol asks, disbelief drawn all over his face. “Like shit, I know my parents weren’t that great, but who leaves their kid- ” 

One glare from Sunggyu and Sungyeol shuts up immediately.

“So, how have you been surviving since then?”

Sungjong hesitates. “I just… have,” he says softly, looking down at his hands. 

“So what can you eat?” Sungyeol asks. Sunggyu elbows him, and the fairy makes a face at him.

“Um… there’s a few things. Like carrots and strawberries. And chicken. Potatoes. And bread, I love bread.” There’s a hint of a smile on Sungjong’s face, but it vanishes as quickly as it appeared. “There’s not much to find around here though. Charmed and Dove is mostly where we get-” Sungjong stops, frozen. “I mean, where I get um. I get uh-”

“Charmed and Dove?” Sunggyu asks. It sounds familiar. Then he remembers the orb in his pocket. He takes it out, and holds it for Sungjong to see.

“You mean this place? They’re holding a talent show tomorrow night.”

The human’s eyes widen. “How did you get this? It’s only for the-” He covers his mouth with his hands.

He says something but it’s muffled, and Sungyeol doesn’t have the time for this, so he tugs Sungjong's hands down and onto the table. “Spit it out, already. Otherwise I’ll blast you up in the air again.”

Sungjong gulps. 

“Promise you won’t hurt me and I’ll tell you,” Sungjong says. Sunggyu and Sungyeol both nod at him to continue.

Sungjong explains how there’s an underground organization of humans roaming around, and most of them stick together since, well, everybody hates them, so they only have each other to support and take care of. They occasionally meet up at Charmed and Dove to exchange goods and provide any type of new information about humans. They also have a talent show every few months where they perform on stage, which is concealed with Mist. No sound can come out or in, and any being who walks towards it forgets why they came there in the first place and backs away - which keeps the humans safe from harm.

“You won’t hurt them, though, right?” Sungjong asks, desperation lacing his voice. He looks at Sunggyu with his big, innocent bunny eyes. His trembling hands don’t go unnoticed. Sunggyu nods, and he sees the young one relax his shoulders the slightest bit. 

“Hey, Sungyeol, can you see if we have any edible food for our guest? I’m sure he’s hungry,” Sunggyu says. 

“Sure.” Sungyeol brings back a plate filled with food for Sungjong, and he starts eating it almost immediately after it’s set down on the table. 

After a while, Sungjong falls asleep on the couch in Sunggyu’s living room. 

“So… what do we do now, boss?” 

Before Sunggyu can say anything, there’s a dinging sound and a screen pops up in the kitchen above the sink. A garbled voice comes out, and Sunggyu instantly winces. 

“I forgot I was meeting up with Howon today,” he says, clicking his tongue. Howon could potentially kill Sunggyu for ditching him again today. He walks over to the screen and sees a wet haired naiad glaring at him with his dark blue eyes. 

“Howon! It’s great to see you again!” Sungyeol crows, not making the situation any better. Sunggyu almost elbows him again but gets splashed through the screen. Oh, right. Sunggyu forgot Howon could do that. 

“I can’t believe you flaked on me again, Sunggyu. This is the third time in a row already,” Howon huffs. 

“Sorry! I got caught up with something so I couldn’t make it to our little date,” Sunggyu says, wiping his face with his sleeves. “Forgive me?”

“Do it one more time and I’ll send the sea urchins after you,” Howon glares. Then he furrows his brows a little. “Hey… is there someone with you?”

“Uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s just the two of us,” Sungyeol says, standing closer beside Sunggyu. 

“I’m not a dumbass, Sungyeol, there’s someone clearly sleeping on your couch,” Howon scoffs. He comes through the screen, water dripping everywhere, and sloshes over to where Sungjong is lying down. 

“Howon, don’t bother him, he’s sleeping,” Sunggyu says. He can’t touch Howon right now, otherwise he’ll make a huge puddle on his living room floor. This is Howon’s virtual version, Sunggyu’s learned. He can make video calls from where he lives and come right in through the screen, but if anyone even grazes him, he falls apart. Face to face, it could never happen though, and he’s more powerful that way, which is why Howon prefers to meet up in person. 

“Who is he? I’ve never seen him before,” he garbles, tilting his head. He turns to Sunggyu. “What’s his power?”

Sunggyu hesitates. Sungyeol starts coughing and walks away. 

“He… doesn’t have one, does he?” Sunggyu sighs, shaking his head. “You do realize you’re basically fu-”

“I know, I know… it’s just. This ogre pissed me off,” Sunggyu blurts out. Howon rolls his eyes, looking angry.

 “Hey, both of you, come over here. I don’t want the kid to hear us,” Sungyeol says. They move over to the kitchen and speak in hushed voices.

“You’re not normally one to defy the Council of Elders, Sunggyu, what’s changed? Humans are practically worthless here, and you’ve never cared for them until now,” Howon whispers, an edge to his tone. Sunggyu purses his lips. 

“And you,” Howon points a finger at Sungyeol, “you just follow his orders like a minion? Let the human stay here, for - for what? I thought fairies were solely concerned for their own well being?”

“Howon, stop it,” Sunggyu grits his teeth.

“Am I wrong? What’s going on with you two? You know harboring a human is illegal, right? Or do I have to read you the document again?”

“Why are you getting so worked up about this?” Sungyeol hisses. “It’s not your responsibility, if anything, it’s ours, and if we get in trouble, we get in trouble.”

“That’s why I’m worried! If you get in trouble, who knows what’ll happen to you both!” Even through Howon’s garbled voice, Sunggyu can hear the tension behind it.

“Look,” Sunggyu sighs, being careful not to touch Howon’s shoulder, “There’s an event going on tomorrow and we’re going to drop him off there and leave, okay?”

“We are?” Sungyeol asks.

“Yes. He’s most likely terrified being here with us, especially since we have powers and he doesn’t. I also don’t want to make him feel even more uncomfortable.”

“All right,” Howon says, crossing his arms. He looks back at the boy, and he feels the tiniest swirl around his heart. Turning back, he says, “I’ll be going then. Expect a jelly in a few minutes. I need to gather my thoughts.” He splashes back into the screen above the sink and disappears, turning off the call. 

“What’s a jelly?” Sungyeol asks. 

“Jellyfish. Like a text, but water nymph style,” Sunggyu replies.

Sure enough, in the next ten minutes or so, they both receive a jelly, saying, “I mean well. I apologize for getting upset earlier and for saying what I said. But, let’s just keep the humans at a distance. Please. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

P.S. Sungyeol you owe me tokens for the arcade. I’m still waiting for the rematch with the mermaids who stole them from you.”

“You went to an arcade without me?” Sunggyu says, offended.

“You said you were busy! I thought that meant you were in a different universe!”

Sunggyu scoffs, “Wow… I can’t believe this.”

“You didn’t miss out on much, the tokens got stolen anyway,” Sungyeol groans, remembering those seductive mermaids. 

“You deserved it,” Sunggyu pouts. “I wanted to play, too.”

“What a baby,” Sungyeol says, laughing. “I can’t believe you’re older than me!”

“Shut up,” Sunggyu pouted even more. Sungyeol gave him a hug. 

“I’ll give you some more healing potions in exchange for your smile…” Sungyeol sings. Sunggyu rolls his eyes, but can’t help but grin just the slightest bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re here,” Sungjong says, opening up a curtain of leaves. Inside, they can see a wooden stage with torches lit up around it. Round tables with white cloths on top of them are placed in front of the stage, with children giggling and chasing each other, weaving through them. There’s people chatting with each other at almost every table, and it seems like a family gathering rather than a talent show. 

“Are you sure we can go here?” Sungyeol asks, practically hiding behind Sungjong. 

“Come in and I’ll introduce you to one of my friends,” Sungjong says. “He’s kind of like you guys.”

He walks in and immediately the three of them are greeted by a number of people. Eventually, they make their way in to a table where two middle aged humans are sitting. 

“Meet my quote unquote adoptive parents,” Sungjong introduces them. The woman is short and round, with a long black bob and a radiant smile. The man standing next to her is tall and straight, with some chin stubble and squinted eyes. The woman reaches out her hand first. Sunggyu takes it, his palms sweating from nervousness.

“Hi, I’m Mina. Nice to meet you…?”

“Ah, I’m Sunggyu,” he says, hoping his smile doesn’t come off too big. The man seems to be judging him, but Sunggyu can’t tell if he is, or if he’s just trying to make out Sunggyu’s face. He pulls out his small glasses and places it on the bridge of his nose. 

“Jaehyun,” the man says, extending his hand. He has a faded tattoo on the inside of his wrist, a little symbol of some sort - Sunggyu can’t make it out. He takes his hand and shakes it. 

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun,” Sunggyu chuckles nervously. He has a strong grip, and Sunggyu really wants him to let go quickly so he can wipe his sweaty hands on his pants. 

Sungyeol says his greetings as well, and Sunggyu can see him perspiring as he nods his head and smiles. At least he’s not the only one.

“JJONGIEEEEEE!” Someone yells. Sungjong turns around and finds one of his friends, and introduces him to Sunggyu and Sungyeol. 

“Meet my friend, Dongwoo,” Sungjong smiles, eager to see him. “He’s actually going to be performing tonight.” 

“Performing what?” Sungyeol asks. Sunggyu is honestly wondering the same thing. Ever since he heard that the talent show was for humans, he wondered what kinds of talents they had that were different from the magic surrounding them. 

Sunggyu felt his hairs stand on end. The air had a different feel than when Dongwoo came. “Curiosity killed the cat,” a figure behind Dongwoo said. Someone peeked from behind and gave a dimpled smile. “Or so they say,” he adds on. “Stay for the show and you’ll see. I’m Myungsoo, by the way.”

“He’s actually the biological son of my parents. Except he’s also able to cast spells. Myungsoo’s the one I told you guys about earlier. He’s one of the few that has human parents and magical powers too.” Sunggyu and Sungyeol both immediately relax after hearing that. Sungjong then leans in and whispers, “he’s an odd one.” 

“Hey! I heard you,” Myungsoo pouts. He mutters something about insecurity and then Sungjong says, “don’t worry, Myungsoo, they’re like you too.” At this, the witch’s eyes light up, and actually start glowing a warm yellow. 

Dongwoo gasps, then says, “Wait, does that mean you have human paren- ” 

“ANYWAYS, I heard the show is starting soon. Dongwoo, you should get ready to go on stage, you’re the first performer,” Sungjong says, practically saving the two magical beings. He shoos Dongwoo and Myungsoo both away, and leaves Sunggyu and Sungyeol at the table with his parents.

Everyone begins to settle into their seats, but Sunggyu can still hear some chattering amongst the humans. 

There’s a lot of them, he notices. Sunggyu didn’t even know how many humans were in this world but ever since they walked in, it seemed like there were a little over a hundred. Sungjong also mentioned that a lot of them weren’t able to make it because they lived far away or had other responsibilities to tend. 

The lights dim and a spotlight comes on a short man holding a microphone in his hands. He’s wearing a circus ringleader outfit so Sunggyu assumes he’s the one who will introduce all the acts.

“Welcome all! Do we have a sight to see tonight… Keep your eyes open, folks, otherwise you’ll miss some of our great performers! Ahh, and I see some new faces in the crowd today! I hope you enjoy the show. Now, let’s get started. The first performer will be Jang Dongwoo. Come on up, Dongwoo! Show ‘em what you’ve got!” The ringleader walks down the steps and Dongwoo comes out on stage.

His performance is poetry. He talks about how sometimes he feels like magical beings should cut humans some slack, because they can’t really do anything. Instead, maybe put the ones who treat them unfairly behind bars, they don’t need the kids to see them behave that way. Well, Dongwoo says it in a much better way, but that was the gist of it. 

By the time he finishes, everyone is standing up and giving him an applause. Sunggyu realizes he’s never heard the humans’ side of the story, only what the Council of Elders and other magical beings have told him. 

As every act comes up, Sunggyu learns something new about the humans. Some of them are funny, telling jokes and making expressions. Some of them can bend their bodies into really weird shapes and still smile after that’s done. There are dancers, even actual magicians who bring out doves from a single hat (Sunggyu has seen that plenty of times but a human doing that? Incredible). 

And then comes a new, dangerous act. The ringleader even falters a little when he introduces Nam Woohyun, who will be performing with sharp knives.

Woohyun comes out onto the stage, wheeling in a cart filled with different objects, including knives and swords. The ringleader puts down his mic and speaks to Woohyun in a hushed tone. He whispers something back, a grin on his face when he pulls away. The ringleader nods and gives the stage to Woohyun.

He starts off by showing the audience a long sword. Woohyun doesn’t say anything, and then he opens his mouth.

And puts the sword in his throat.

There’s gasps from all over the audience, people standing up so quickly from their seats that their chairs fall over, Sunggyu being one of them. He’s gaping at the man on stage. How is this possible? Not even the blacksmiths he knows dare to do this. 

And to make it even worse, Woohyun puts another sword down his throat. He doesn’t seem hurt at all, though, which Sunggyu takes as a good sign. Soon after, Woohyun carefully takes the swords out of his mouth, and everyone takes a sigh of relief. There’s applause all around, and Woohyun nods in acknowledgement. 

“Now for the next part, I’ll need a volunteer,” Woohyun says, scanning the crowd. His eyes land on Sunggyu, who’s still standing up.

“Why thank you! You in the cloak, please come on up!” Woohyun grins.

“Looks like you’re up, Sunggyu,” Sungyeol says, patting his back. “Good luck.”

Sunggyu doesn’t realize he’s walked to the stage until he’s on it and Woohyun is walking towards him with some black ribbon.

There’s a wooden circle board, as big as Sunggyu himself. He backs up to it as Woohyun comes even closer. 

“Right, just like that,” he smiles, and Sunggyu forgets to breathe. The human’s hair falls across his face as he looks down, and Sunggyu thinks the human is oddly beautiful. But as Woohyun ties his hands to the board, Sunggyu tenses up. 

As if sensing this, Woohyun says, “Relax. I’ve done this dozens of times. I won’t hurt you,” looking up at Sunggyu and silently telling him to trust him. Then he comes close, too close, and whispers, “maybe just a little.” Woohyun gives Sunggyu a wink as he steps away, looking back at the audience again.

He says something but it’s muffled, and Sunggyu thinks it’s probably the blood rushing to his head. Breathe, just breathe, it’ll be over soon. As soon as Woohyun turns around and pulls back his arm, Sunggyu closes his eyes. He hears three quick bursts of air and then suddenly everyone’s clapping again. Is he dead? Did he enter the afterlife? Is that why he hears the applause?

“You can open your eyes now,” a voice says, untying the cloth around his wrists. Sunggyu blinks back to life and sees two soft brown eyes looking back at him. “Sorry if I scared you.” 

Letting out a shaky breath, Sunggyu says, “That… was amazing.”

The human lets out a short laugh. “Thanks. We better get off stage for the next act. I’ll talk to you more after, though. What’s your name?”

“Sunggyu,” he says, staring at Woohyun in awe. 

“Nice. I’ll see you later then, Sunggyu,” the human gives him a short salute and pushes the cart backstage. 

When Sunggyu returns to his seat, Sungyeol waves a hand in front of his face.

“Yo, are you like… okay? You look like you’re in a trance.” He gasps. “Is he a witch too? Did he cast a spell on you? Hey Sung-”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Sunggyu says, pushing Sungyeol away. Honestly, he did feel a little entranced by Woohyun, but he shakes off the thought. 

Falling for a human? Pfft. As if.

~~~~~~

[raudskegg]

Ooghie, Honorary Dwarf

Quick note: This is not my work, but from a 4chan greentext on Reddit, but I thought it was too perfect to not be shared.

Let me regale you with the tale of my parties beloved Oohgie, Honorary Dwarf.

Our party consisted of good friends that had known each other, a reformed That Guy, and Lucas the veteran. We had a pretty decent group, consisting of a Dwarf Warrior, Human Paladin, Human Warlock, Tiefling Rogue, me playing a Half-Elf Ranger, and a Human Mage.

We were in the relatively early stages of an epic campaign, and had been greeted by a sudden surge of slightly stronger enemies. What made these enemies slightly sturdier? Well, according to our DM, they had been gifted with what could only be described as ‘slap-dash metal riveted together by clumsy hands’. This led us to a few leads in town that culminated in hearing of an Ogre that had taken up residence in an abandoned forge and begun crafting rudimentary armor and weapons for the local minions, and of course this led to our first quest; Kill the Ogre, stop the attacks.

After what felt like an hour of minion stomping and quest cruisin’, we found the forge, and killed a few of the outlying minions to prevent an unwelcome intrusion with the upcoming boss fight. We prepared ourselves (No cleric, had to be especially careful with potion rations, added some fun to the game), and had the Tiefling sneak in and make sure we could sneak up without any trouble, or annoying traps going off. She gave us the all clear, and we shuffled inside, praying our sneak checks held up.

Inside the large forge, we followed the sound of clanging metal and deep grunts. Lucas took the lead, preparing to call in a few favors from Bahamut, with Raj the Dwarf following closely behind him. When we turned the corner, the DM informed us we saw the large shape moving around the anvil and smelter, which we all knew meant the Ogre. I asked to roll for initiative, to sneak in a shot and perhaps swing the battle to our favor, but Lucas had another plan.

Lucas rolls for a diplomacy check, and takes the lead by speaking with the Ogre.

“Why are you making armor for evil?”

The Ogre stopped and turned around in surprise. The DM apparently was surprised we didn’t flat out attack, and he asked us for a moment to pen something down. After his pen stopped, he cleared his throat.

“Make armor here. Ogre’s no like make armor, so make armor for gob-gobs. They like.”

The Ogre then went on to tell us about how he discovered a book about crafting, and decided to try making some himself. Judging from the simplicity of the story, our DM hadn’t expected us to be diplomatic and just threw together something to explain why an Ogre would want to spend his time with a hammer and anvil instead of hunting adventurers and eating goats.

As the story dragged on, and we learned that the Ogre had been kicked out for finding a book from another culture, we slowly kinda silently agreed to avoid killing him, since the image of this 9 foot tall Ogre tinkering away at an anvil to make small-medium sized armor was too funny to pass up. When the Ogre got to the part where he revealed he couldn’t read the book (which was a Dwarven guide apparently) and was just following the pictures, Lucas decided to chime in.

“Why don’t you come with us? We have a Dwarf who can translate the book for you, and you can learn to make better armor.”

The DM looked a little confused, but decided that the Ogre would be allowed to be a friendly NPC in the party if we all allowed it.

And thus we were joined by Oohgie the Crafting Ogre.

First thing we did once we went into town was calm the mob that had appeared and attempted to kill Oohgie. Five diplomacy checks, a bluff check, and almost a third of my gold later, the town relents and lets us stay with him for the night. Oohgie was really excited by this prospect and asked if he could visit the blacksmith, which Lucas had to explain was probably not a good idea. Since there wasn’t a room in town big enough to hold him, we told Oohgie to sleep in the stables.

“Oohgie understand. Oohgie try not make hummies mad.”

That night, before ending the session, we joked about how silly this all was, taking in an Ogre that didn’t want to fight. We told some jokes, made a few jabs at how we thought the Ogre was going to bite the dust, and called it a session.

Next session, we woke up, paid for food until the next town, and left the inn, picking up Oohgie from the stables on the way out.

During the journey, Oohgie kept bothering Raj, the Dwarf, and asking about 'Crafty-Smiths’ and 'Clang-clang tools’. Now, Raj is my Dude-bro I’ve known for years, and even though this is obviously bothering him answering every question, he at least tries to be nice to the insistent pestering. In hindsight, this was probably our DM’s attempt to leave Oohgie behind so he could get back to the focus, but we managed to persist and kept him with us to the next town.

This time, deciding that we cannot afford to argue Oohgie into town every and spend half our income. Being a ranger, I offer to set up a camp just outside the town’s borders that we can keep Oohgie and hunt some pelts for extra income. Raj offers to stay in camp with me and Oohgie, with Lucas heading into town for the temple and the Rogue, Wizard and Warlock will search for quests.

As we set up the tents, I ask if it’s possible to use Oohgie as a deterrent against mobs in the local area. The DM allows a roll, and with a 17, says that Oohgie’s natural 'musk’ alerts the other monsters in the area to stay away. Raj stayed behind as I pick off some local wildlife for our dinner.

While I hunted, Oohgie asked Raj more questions about the book.

“How Oohgie make?”

“You can’t. That needs a bar of iron and a forge.”

“Oohgie make forge?”

“I, uh, don’t think there’s enough materials around here to do that.”

The Wizard returned to our camp, letting the Rogue and Warlock threaten a local mayor for a better reward. The Wizard proposed he make a temporary forge for Oohgie using some spells and his fire magic. As for iron, the group has a bag of holding full of old weapons we had earned from defeating a minor demon. Oohgie, who was ecstatic at the idea, asked if he could make armor for his 'Dwarfy friend who read Oohgie book’. Not seeing the harm in such an idea, we agreed and Oohgie set to work.

In the morning, when we had awoken, Lucas, the Rogue, and the Warlock had also returned to camp. After we explained the plan for the newest quest, we gathered up our things and decided to wake Oohgie. Turns out the poor bastard had spent half the night banging away at the old pile of scrap and made a chest-piece, aptly titled by the DM as 'Oohgies Chess Peace o’ Protect’, which was described as a hodge-podge of metal sheets roughly slapped together. Raj, being such a Dude-bro, offered to wear it despite it having one less protection point against slash. As the DM described Oohgie’s dumb smiling face, I felt a pang of guilt for making fun of him.

Many quests continued on with Oohgie the Crafting Ogre, who had the neat ability to craft a priece of armor or weapon every 1d4 nights, and the DM would use 2d20’s to determine the item he crafted. About two months of in game time passed, and Oohgie had made us some slightly less than useful items, with no sign of improving. Sometimes we’d sell the things he made, other-times we wore them for Oohgie, just to make him happy. By the fifth quest, I had an 'Oohgie’s Wristy Gerd Gloves’.

When we finally located one of the main storyline quests, we also happened to pass by a temple of Moradin, which had two dozen forges surrounding it for his followers to craft weapons for Paladins. It was like trying to hold a 9 foot tall child back from a toy-store.

“Oohgie see Crafty-Smiths! Maybe one teach Oohgie make better armor!”

“Best not rush them, Oohgie,” Raj said, rolling for a diplomacy check to calm Oohgie down.

“But Oohgie want make better armor for friends.”

That hit us hard, and Lucas, being the de facto head, took the lead.

“Oohgie, you can’t enter the forges. They’re only for Moradin’s craftsmen.”

“What mean?”

“Only Dwarves are allowed in.”

Oohgie seemed a little confused, before whimpering like a hurt animal. We decided to drag him back to a tent outside town and let him calm down there, but not before he made a decision looking at those forges.

“Oohgie will become Dwarf.”

The next few sessions were filled with a mix of heartache and heartwarming. Oohgie tried extra hard to make better armor, and Raj now found a full time hobby teaching Oohgie to read Dwarvish script. Every now and again, Oohgie’s efforts paid off, and his armor would be as good if not slightly above what we were wearing, but it still was terribly built and barely held together. Just a result of something so big not having the dexterity to make the fine tuning of professionally crafted armor. Every now and then, Oohgie would ask the group, specifically Raj, how he was doing.

“Oohgie Dwarf now?”

“Not yet, I don’t think. Maybe if you try harder.”

“Oohgie can do.”

Oohgie seemed to become more determined every day, clanging away at his magic forge, combining what little scrap we found for him to throw together. He also began asking Lucas for help with contacting Moradin to become a Dwarf. We tried doing what we could in our spare time, but we also had to focus on the BBEG of the setting, since we didn’t want to derail the whole thing for our DM who had been a pretty chill dude up to this point about the whole thing.

We told Oohgie that we had to fight a big bad guy, and that we needed to focus on saving the world. Oohgie seemed to understand, and asked for a little bit of metal, promising to stop asking if we got it for him. We relented, and turned over the last pieces of metal for him in exchange for him helping us on the quests. The DM told us that Oohgie isn’t designed for the combat levels we were at by this point, but he could help a little if we were careful. Worst case scenario, we pull him back, Lucas performs Lay On Hands, and we’re good.

We slowly uncovered a conspiracy that ties to an ancient forgotten god, one who was worshiped as the god of destruction and undoing. Pretty sweet stuff as we kept getting closer and closer. The armor from Oohgie stopped showing up, but it was okay, we found cheap armor. We made an effort to save the pieces that Oohgie had crafted for us, out of loyalty to our curious, big Crafty-Smith friend. Oohgie never seemed to ask for metal anymore, but we heard him clanging away every night before we would fall asleep.

The lessons continued, with Raj teaching Oohgie more and more about Moradin, but he couldn’t answer the most spiritual of them, only being a warrior who happened to be a Dwarf. For the questions about the gods methods, Lucas was there to answer his questions.

“How Oohgie talk to Moradin?”

“You pray, and ask for guidance.”

“Moradin show Oohgie how make better armor?”

“If he sees fit to, he shall guide you.”

“How Oohgie know?”

“You won’t, but you have to believe.”

“Oohgie believe.”

After awhile, Oohgie began splitting the time between speaking with Lucas about Moradin, which he thought was the quickest way to becoming a Dwarf, and practicing his rudimentary Dwarvish, which he used to read his first book. He faded more and more into our groups 'project’, a background character. We still cared for him, but we just couldn’t afford to baby-sit him as we leveled up. He also insisted on having Lucas ask Moradin if he was a Dwarf yet.

“Moradin make Oohgie Dwarf now?”

“That is not my place to tell, Oohgie.”

“Oohgie pray but Moradin not talking. Did Oohgie do it wrong?”

“It is not my place to tell, but I believe the gods work in mysterious ways.”

“Oohgie understand. Make better armor soon for friends.”

As we cleared out more and more dungeons, we started to realize that we had made a mistake dragging Oohgie along. He just couldn’t keep up to our leveling, and he couldn’t get any useful perks. He started to become a hassle. By the time we were at the final stretch of the quest, facing the ancient cult summoning the god, we had a silent agreement to leave Oohgie behind, lest he get hurt.

We executed the play perfectly. The last town before the invasion, we told Oohgie to stay with the magic forge and practice alone for a few days, and that we were going to get him more metal to work with. Oh course the big lug agreed, and after casting a spell to keep the fires going for a week, we set out, Oohgie clanging away happily. We didn’t look back. But you can be damned sure we didn’t leave with a smile.

Two hours into the dungeon, and we knew we had messed up.

First off, we failed one too many sneaks and bluffs, and that meant the cultists had finished their mission in summoning the god of undoing. He was essentially an Orcus without the secrecy. Pragmatic as hell, he immediately begins to cast a bunch of seals and spells that trap us in the room, and then debuffs our armor to the point it’s unraveling back into scrap.

Our Warlock was protecting our Wizard with a low level demon, our Rogue was stealthily trying to pickpocket the dead cultists for anything that might help, Raj and Lucas led the attack, and I was firing a volley every chance I got, rolling for anything that might break his ungodly armor. We were using everything, and had run out of potions. Lucas had no more Lay On Hands available thanks to a dozen cultists cutting off his prayers to Bahamut. It was only now that we regretted not having a cleric.

The god approached Lucas and Raj, and without a hint of a monologue, proceeds to wreck their shit. He breaks Raj’s armor, shatters the divine shield Lucas was using, and then readies his next round of spells.

And then, the DM rolled for initiative..

From behind me, a large metal sphere flew out and thumped the god. Not enough to hurt him, but it was a high enough roll to disrupt his spell.

“Oohgie done crafting.”

From behind us, standing in the large doorway, stood an Ogre, clad in a terribly mismatched set of armor emblazoned with a hammer of Moradin on it’s chest piece. In his right hand, an enormous hammer the size of a stone column and made of the same dented metal. Suddenly, all the nights of clanging made sense. Oohgie wanted to help, and we just thought he was a burden.

Oohgie charged forward, rolling a 17 on his first roll, and with the god suffering from 'stupefication’ because of his entrance, landed his first hit. It was the most damaging hit we had done to the god, and it had been dealt by an Ogre that was wearing what looked like the rejected arts and crafts project of a preschooler.

We sat there for a moment in stunned silence, as the DM described the armor and hammer he carried, calling it a crude mimicry of the holy hammers and suits of armor worn by paladins of Moradin.

“You no hurt-”

Clang

“Ohgie’s friends!”

Clang

“No more!”

Clang

hree hits, each one doing a little less than the last, but still doing something. During this affair, the Rogue finally hit a natural 20, and found the cultist leaders emergency reagents to shut the whole spell down on his corpse. She rolled for the toss to Lucas, who had enough armor to take another hit if he needed to get close. Oohgie roared and attempted a grapple, using his natural modifiers to hold him, a god of destruction, for a brief moment.

“Oohgie palydin now, too! Help Moradin, help Lucas! Like real Dwarf!”

We felt a pang of guilt .

We had left this guy behind so he couldn’t bother us with his quest to becoming a Dwarf, but here he was, wearing that stupid smile, wearing that stupid armor, and pulling that stupid move. Lucas sighed heavily and we all rolled for our respective abilities. There was a brief moment where we thought that we had this thing down, until Lucas and our Warlock stopped and realized the flaw in the plan.

“Oohgie still isn’t high level.”

With that, our turn ended, and the DM rolled for the god’s attack versus Ooghies grapple.

I wish I could say Ooghie had a natural 20. I wish I could say that his modifier gave him just enough to hold the god down. But I can’t.

The god rolled 14

Ooghie rolled 5

The DM then informed us that not only did the god break the grapple, but now had stunned Ooghie long enough to cast a spell of 'Destruction’.

Point blank at Ooghie’s chest.

As I said before, very rarely did Oohgie craft armor that matched the level stats of armor we bought in town.

He was wearing armor that was almost 2 levels below his current level. And his current level was lower than any of us.

Oohgie collapsed in a heap, and the god turned to face us.

For those that don’t know, our Warlock was once That Guy. He had a major falling out with the DM and Lucas, and reformed himself. He never got along with Lucas, but he was willing to not be a jerk as long as Lucas didn’t call him out on stuff again.

This was the only time I saw our Warlock look across the table and ask Lucas for help.

“I need a favor. And I need it now.”

Lucas moved to cover the Warlock, who charged forward with a series of demons in tow. Our Warlock may have been a jerk a tad, but he was a jerk with a good amount of demons on call for favors.

He called every single one of them in.

The DM, knowing what this meant to us, didn’t bother to ask for our rolls. Every demon snuck in a hit, and with a Dwarf at his heels, a Wizard freezing his balls, and a ranger firing arrows into every square inch of flesh exposed on his hide, it was no wonder the god never saw our rogue behind him with the sealing amulet and scroll of desolation from the cultist leader.

Before the god even returned to the astral plane, we rushed to Oohgie, who was managing to hang on by the merest thread of life possible. Lay on Hands was next to useless, and with no potions, we all knew what we were watching. We were watching Ooghie die, and even after we had killed a god, conquered dungeons, and leveled evil kingdoms, we couldn’t even save our friend.

“Oohgie sorry he got in way.”

“You didn’t, you did great-”

“Oohgie sorry he not make good armor like Dwarf.”

“We love your armor, big guy, don’t think like that.”

I had never seen Lucas try so hard to call in a favor from Bahamut, or roll so desperately for a miracle. Even the Warlock was searching his sheets for a demon who might help without too hefty a price, no no avail.

Oohgie know why Moradin no talk to Oohgie. Oohgie hands too big n’ clumsy, so Oohgie not make small armor nice and pretty.”

“It’s fine Oohgie, just hang on, we’re going to save you.”

“Oohgie knew he not good Crafty-smith when he saw Dwarf temple, and Crafty-smiths look at him funny, but Oohgie try anyways.”

I’m a touchy-feely guy, and I know Oohgie was a figment of our imagination, but when you see Lucas, a veteran who lost his left leg to a bomb before he was twenty five, holding back tears, you know it wasn’t just me being blubbery when I say that we were tearing up.

“Oohgie not good Crafty-smith with armor and weapons, but Oohgie good crafty-smith at something. Oohgie can make good story.”

At this point, our Rogue hid behind her screen, and the Warlock just stared down at his sheet, having stopped searching for his demon to deal with.

“Oohgie think Dwarves make good armor and stories, which why Oohgie wanted be Dwarf, but Oohgie understand he not Dwarf, and he not be Dwarf ever.”

Oohgie’s breathing began to slow, and Raj grabbed his hand, holding it as best he could

“You could be a Dwarf, Oohgie. You could be the best Ogre Dwarf in the land.”

Oohgie closed his eyes and smiled

“Oohgie like that. He go sleep now.”

And like that, our party lost Oohgie the Crafty-smith, and we all think a little something died with him inside all of us.

We looted the dungeon, killed the remaining cultists, and made our way back to the nearest village, one that happened to have a temple and forge for followers of Moradin. When we entered the town, we all took notice that the forges were louder than ever, and half the town seemed to be gathered around the temple. Naturally curious, we moved closer.

At first, we were rolling to push through, until Lucas used a favor from Bahamut to project a holy shout and clear the path. We got closer and closer to the entrance, we saw more and more Dwarves, some wearing the emblem of Moradin, others in the attire of his sacred blacksmiths. As we reached the entrance, knowing we weren’t allowed in, we asked a priest if he could tell us what the fuss was. The priest asked us if we had been involved with the destruction of a god of undoing.

Of course we were, so he led us inside. Deep inside the mountain, past the pillars, and past the gorgeously carved hallways and stone arches, and into the deepest parts of the forge’s sanctums. We witnessed dozens of Dwarves mill around, throwing around orders and commands in ancient Dwarvish. The priest pointed to what had been causing the ruckus.

“We received divine word that Moradin the Creator has ordered a statue to be erected to honor the fall of the god.”

The Dwarves tugged out a large, metal and marble stature from a crafting vault.

“And the appointment of a new Apprentice to his mighty forges in the halls of his domain.”

There, crafted by the finest Dwarven artisans, was an enormous, thirty foot tall statue of Oohgie, complete with a golden hammer, a silver book of Dwarven crafting, and a beard befitting a Dwarf.

'Oohgie Good-Crafter, Honorary Dwarf of Moradin and Crafty-smith of the Forge.’

That was the first time I cried playing D&D.

After a year of sessions in D&D, I elected to have my hero, the Half-Elven Ranger, retire into God-hood as a Deity of Honorable Hunting. Upon ascension, I asked for a favor. As great as my weapons were in the mortal realms, the fact was that I needed something more suited for godly duties, so they needed to be reworked. And I knew exactly who I wanted to remake them.

Moradin welcomed me into his forges, obviously happy to have his apprentices practice with their skills in crafting weapons fit for gods. When I asked if it would be possible to have someone specific work on it, he knew exactly who I wanted, and led me to a grand hall where dozens of Dwarves were gathered around a large figure clanging away happily at an anvil.

There, wearing his iconic slap-dash armor over an enormously enlarged Dwarf robe, was Oohgie, wearing the biggest, dumbest smile you could ever imagine. He looked up, smiled, and picked me up, laughing and hugging as I tried not to cry. When he finally put me down, I showed him what I had wanted to show him ever since he left our group. I held up my hands, and showed him what I was wearing for celestial armor.

There, on my hands, were 'Oohgie’s Wristy Gerd Gloves’, battered from years of use and adventures, and raised to the level of a god’s armor.

And that is the story of Oohgie the Honorary Dwarf, and Crafty-smith of the Forge.

[mamepwrites]

My thoughts on Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin

Warning, some spoilers for the game’s story are below.

Dark Souls II was the first Souls game I really decided to sit through and play. I’d touched DS1 when the craze reached my ears, and when it came on Steam as the Prepare to Die edition. I probably would have kept playing if it wasn’t running on Games for Windows Live. I didn’t really do much past the Taurus Demon. Considering that, when Dark Souls II was released, I got it instantly. I didn’t even know it was coming out. I hooked up my 360 controller and had a grand time in the tutorial. When I got to Majula, I was so lost. I found my way to Heide’s Tower of Flame and I ended up learning the basics of gameplay from the first Old Knight there. I didn’t even know about the area’s first bonfire. And then I stopped playing the game. When I learned of Bloodborne, I watched the Game Grumps playthrough of it and I wanted to feel that. I still had DS2 in my steam library, so I decided to stick with it. And I beat it! Granted, I wasn’t good at rolling, and I protected myself with a shield most of the time. But I was pretty okay by the end. I then got a PS4 and Bloodborne the summer after, and my experience in Souls helped me play through it with ease. I love hunting, even to this day. Then I got DS3 on release, and played the heck out of that. And then I decided it was time to play through DS1, and I did, defeating all of the bosses except for Priscilla, because so ~moe~. But with DS2 being my first real Souls game, I always wanted to play it again. I’ll put the cutoff here, because this’ll be a long post.

So, the Scholar of the First Sin edition was on sale on PSN a few weeks ago. I got it and I played the HECK out of it. But when Scholar of the First Sin was first announced, I believe it was advertised as being much harder than the base game, considering changes in enemy placement. But having played it, I really can’t say they did much to that end. Maybe it was just easy for me because I’m an experienced Souls player now. But let’s talk a little bit about the changes to difficulty.

The tutorial Things Betwixt has its entire third section blocked off, and for a fair reason. It seems the devs wanted players to not farm on the Ogres that were in that section. So they blocked it off with a statue that you’re able to unpetrify later in the game, and they make the Ogres non-respawning. Sheesh. However, the first real level of the game, Forest of Fallen Giants, has its first available enemy an Ogre. I thought that was unreasonable, so I skipped it entirely. Sadly, later in the level, the Heide Knight was missing, so no lightning sword. The rest of the level was fairly unchanged. I was playing it with a friend, and so we took down the Pursuer fairly easily. It would have been a little tough doing it solo, but I love playing Souls with friends in any case. Anyways, I found that the Scholar edition featured updated item descriptions, particularly in the text for the Soul of the Last Giant. It pretty much said it was formerly the Giant Lord, a boss you fight much later in the game through enjoyable time travel.

The next area, Heide’s Tower of Flame, suffered a terrible change in enemy placement in my opinion. The original DS2 featured Heide Knights as docile-until-attacked non-respawning tough enemies you would find around the world, and they would drop their weapons or armor. But in the Scholar update, practically all of them are in Heide’s Tower of Flame, and they respawn, which is fair for farming their item drops because they’re no longer guaranteed. But once you beat the area’s main boss, all of the Heide Knights are no longer docile and they actively run up and attack you. Coupled with the Old Knights that are still in the area, traversing around is tough. You don’t have to fight them, though, unless you want to fight the level’s other boss, who is optional. But it’s a fun fight, so why should I say no?

Anyways, No Man’s Wharf wasn’t as scary as I remembered, but it seems that they never really fixed the durability issue in the game. Basically, the original game ran at 30 FPS on consoles, and at 60 FPS on PC and in its Scholar edition, but a bug in the game made weapons and armor degrade twice as fast when playing the game at 60 FPS. Considering No Man’s Wharf has no bonfires except the one at the beginning, this was annoying.

Sinner’s Rise is the stage of the Lost Sinner boss. Dark Souls games tend to have a “Big Four” set of bosses relevant to the overarching plot of the game, and the Lost Sinner is often the first in DS2 that players fight. The fight is cool in the way that it’s fought in near pitch darkness, unless the player has the foresight to find a key in a side-branch earlier in the previous level. With the  key, the player can light lamps in the boss room beforehand, so they can fight it more comfortably. I did that. But the stage itself was underwhelming. In the original DS2, many enemies called ‘Enhanced Undeads’ were available to fight. They were big green masses of flesh vaguely resembling dragons, and they were beefy. But in this Scholar edition, they were all replaced by a single weakened Flexile Sentry, which was the boss of No Man’s Wharf. While it made getting to the boss a lot easier, I felt sad that they didn’t even leave even one Enhanced Undead. 

The next area, Huntsman’s Copse, is one of my dreaded areas. Mostly because of the six Torturers that lie in ambush before the bridge to Undead Purgatory. In my first DS2 playthrough, I depleted their respawns. This time I just killed them one by one and went to Undead Purgatory and bam done with the stage. The Skeleton Lords boss of Huntsman’s Copse proper was also much easier than I remembered. The next level, Harvest Valley, was also decreased and increased in difficulty. There aren’t as many Undead Steelworkers (big greed dudes with big hammers), but there is an increase in the Desert Sorceresses encountered. However, I had more trouble with the Old Iron King boss battle this time around. Fricking lava hole. 

I also hate the Gutter and Black Gulch with a fervent passion. There’s a respawning NPC invader. Some forest child or whatever. Screw him. 

I enjoyed how Dark Souls II flips Dark Souls I’s structure on its head. DS1 had you fight a bunch of bosses (while ringing two big bells) until you get to Anor Londo and retrieve the Lordvessel, at which point you go to kill four bosses to acquire their Lord Souls. The bosses are Gravelord Nito, the Bed of Chaos, Seath the Scaleless, and the Four Kings of New Londo. The former two (the Bed of Chaos being the Witch of Izalith) were holders of full Lord Souls, and the closest allies to Lord Gwyn, who also held a full Lord Soul. Seath the Scaleless and the Four Kings all have shards of a Lord Soul, though they still count towards satiating the Lordvessel. This allows access to the final area of the game, the Kiln of the First Flame, and the last boss, Gwyn, Lord of Cinders.

However acquiring ‘the souls of four’ is the player’s first objective in DS2, aside from being told that they may become the next monarch of Drangleic (a plot goal). Upon meeting the Emerald Herald, the effective Fire Keeper of Majula, she instructs the player to seek greater souls, to seek the Old Ones. Embracing these souls allow the player to reach Drangleic Castle, where they expect to encounter King Vendrick, former monarch of Drangleic. After playing the first game, the player may assume that Vendrick is the final boss as Gwyn was in the first game, but the game does a nice subversion in this. Vendrick isn’t at Drangleic Castle. Nor is he the final boss. Nor is he a mandatory boss, for that matter. Instead of Vendrick you find Nashandra, his queen, apparently ruling what remains of Drangleic in his stead. She charges you to find Vendrick. And so from Drangleic Castle we go to the Shrine of Amana (a terrible area by the way, it’s so long and open but filled with pits you can barely see because of the water agh) and from here we gain entry to the Undead Crypt. It is in the Undead Crypt that we discover Vendrick himself, having long gone hollow.

(If you’re unfamiliar with Dark Souls lore, many people are afflicted with the curse of the undead, and continually revive upon death, until they die so many times, losing sight of their goals and becoming a mindless zombo. This is a hollow.)

We don’t have to fight Vendrick at this point in time, and it’s even recommended against doing so, as he has absurdly high defenses. The only thing we need from here is the King’s Ring, a ‘symbol of the king’. This grants us access to Aldia’s Keep (note that Aldia was Vendrick’s sciencey brother), then the Dragon Aerie and Dragon Shrine. They changed up Dragon Shrine a lot. There’s two main types of enemies in Dragon Shrine, the Dragon Knights and the Drakekeepers. The Drakekeepers are practically suped up versions of the Old Knights in Heide’s Tower, so they’re easy. In the original DS2, the ultra challenging Dragon Knights only appeared in the latter half of the level, where you’re climbing a grand staircase. So color me surprised when I start Dragon Shrine and see at least two Dragon Knights standing beside the first Drakekeeper. Turns out they don’t attack you as long as you only attack the Drakekeepers, and you fight the sole Dragon Knight (colored gold instead of black) who attacks you on the stairs. This one’s like a challenge to see if you’re worthy of meeting the one awaiting you at the very end, the Ancient Dragon. So far, the ‘dragons’ you see in Dragon Aerie are all actually wyverns. Fortunately so, because in DS1′s backstory, the dragon population dwindled. However, this Ancient Dragon is a true dragon, at least in appearance. *snicker* 

It gives you the Ashen Mist Heart, which allows you to traverse memories of certain beings. 

You’re meant to use this item to access the memories of the four Giant corpses found throughout the Forest of Fallen Giants. Though, instead of perusing their memories, you’re whisked away body and all, far into the past where you find yourself fighting the very Giants that razed Drangleic in an infernal fury. As it turns out, you end up fighting and defeating the Giant Lord, who becomes the Last Giant in the present time that you fight in the beginning of the game, that itself attacks you in rage. It’s so GOOD. Anyways, the defeat of the Giant Lord awards you a non-physical item called the Giant’s Kinship, or the Resonance with Giants in the Japanese version. This item intrigues me to this very day.

Its description reads: "Each king has his rightful throne. And when he sits upon it, he sees what he chooses to see. Or perhaps, it is the throne, which shows the king only what he wants. The flames roar, but will soon begin to fade, and only a worthy heir might burnish their light. What is it, truly, a claimant of the throne could desire?"

The whole story of Vendrick (the backstory of the whole game, really) is something I find much more compelling than the story of Gwyn in the first game. From what I can make out (with help from VaatiVidya’s interpretation), Vendrick was once like us in that he vanquished old ones and acquired their Great Souls, and with their power he built his new kingdom of Drangleic. He became seduced by a woman named Nashandra, who convinced him that the Giants to the north were a threat, and so he crossed the sea and raided their lands. To please his now wife and queen, he stole something of great importance from the Giants, which is presumably the power to manipulate souls to power golems, which he used to build his Drangleic Castle. It appears it was built above the Kiln of the First Flame, becoming known as the Throne of Want. However, the curse of the undead appears in Drangleic, and Vendrick and his brother Aldia search for a cure to the curse. Aldia made his manor in the east, close to the Dragon Aerie. As dragons were immortal, Aldia may have assumed their properties could help in curing the curse of undeath. Yet, the dragons are long dead, so Aldia made his own, with a soul of a Giant. This is the Ancient Dragon you meet in the Dragon Shrine. And from Aldia and this false dragon, the Emerald Herald Shanalotte is made. They appear to have not found and made use of any answers in time, as the curse reached even Vendrick. He also realized that his wife Nashandra was in truth a shard of Manus, progenitor of the Abyss, the darkness in humankind, and that she lusted for power, lusted for the First Flame, the kiln of which was deep below the castle. However, the pathway to the Kiln (or, the Throne of Want, as it became known) could only be opened by Vendrick. And so he sealed himself away in the Undead Crypt, guarded by his knights, left to rot in the curse’s grip. Long after this, it is the player that finds him completely hollowed, mostly naked aside from his crown, a loincloth, and a massive sword he lugs around. The player is only able to reasonably fight the towering hollow by possessing Souls of Giants, which lower his defenses. I forget where I heard this from, but what this is meant to represent is that while Vendrick is unfathomably strong (having vanquished four Old Ones while still totally human, and therefore with the risk of a very permanent death), the Giant Souls radiate the hate that was borne for Vendrick in stealing...whatever it was he stole, even long after the Giants have died, and by their hate they can weaken Vendrick, or strengthen the player enough to be a match for this king.

SO. With the King’s Ring, the Ashen Mist Heart, and the Giant’s Kinship, the player returns to Drangleic Castle. They venture deep below to the Throne of Want, where they do battle with its last line of defense that Vendrick installed, the Throne Watcher and the Throne Defender. Then, they fight Nashandra, who has cast off her veil and revealed herself as a grotesque figure, of deep black flesh and a skeletal face. She wanted the player to get rid of the Throne’s (and the First Flame’s) defenses so she could sit it herself. 

It’s a nice plot for a Souls game, in my opinion. 

What I particularly like about DS2 in comparison to DS1 is that the player character has their own intial and personal motivations. In DS1 the player is freed from their cell in the Undead Asylum and are told by Oscar of Astora to ring the two Bells of Awakening. They do so, and find that they may be the Chosen Undead, one who would link the First Flame to their very soul, bolstering its blaze and stretching the gods’ Age of Fire once more, as Gwyn did. DS2′s protagonist simply wants to be rid of the curse, to find a cure for it, and are then told that others come to Drangleic seeking the same, and that to find it they must acquire the four Great Souls, they must become the next monarch. DS1′s character is driven by the plot, while DS2′s character’s motivation goes hand in hand with the plot. 

Another thing I like about Dark Souls II is the relation between the player character, and Vendrick and Aldia. They both sought answers to curing the undead curse. Vendrick peered into the very essence of the soul, and Aldia was a scholar of the First Sin, which is Gwyn linking the flame to his soul while he should have let it die out. While upon completion of the DLC, a still-sentient version of Vendrick (encountered in a memory-past through the Ashen Mist Heart) awards the player with a means to stave off the effects of the curse upon completion of the DLC trilogy, a power in crowns, the symbol of a monarch. While wearing one of the kings’ crowns, the player can die indefinitely with no risk of hollowing. However, this is no true cure, but a treatment for symptoms. But still, it’s something. (Helps a lot in the final boss battle against Nashandra, too.) Vendrick tells the player to seek adversities, to seek strength. He tells the player that by letting the flame die, humankind will become part of the Dark again, as is their true nature. This is clearly the choice between linking the First Flame to one’s soul and extending its time, and letting the flame die out to cast the world in an Age of Dark, an Age of Man. However, Vendrick questions whether this is our only choice, whether these are our only options. We learn that to link the fire and to let it die are effectively the same choice, as it is in a cycle. Let the flame die and eventually it will spark again. Link the flame and another Undead will eventually rise to make their choice. What of this third option Vendrick alludes to?

Aldia styles the player character ‘conqueror of adversities’, and if a certain ending is chosen, accompanies the player in their path to find a way to break the wheel, to shatter this cycle of endless linkings and snuffings of the First Flame.

I dunno I really like Dark Souls II.

Oh right this is supposed to be on my thoughts.

I think Scholar of the First Sin could have done more to fiddle with the game’s difficulty, but there’s a point to that that shouldn’t be crossed. Change too much and you don’t have Dark Souls II anymore. Some changes in the Scholar edition were good, some were bad, but I enjoyed my time. 

I may replay Dark Souls III again. I can’t wait for The Ringed City DLC to come out.

[undeadimpulsereviews]

For Honor

Now before we begin I will need to clarify something; I did not own this game long. I no longer have For Honor, and I have my reasons; though with that said I would say that I’m not the most qualified for this review. You can read the review and choose how you feel about the game, you can stop here and never read this again, you can do an endless combination of things with my review; however, this is what the game left me feeling. I contemplated a lot on this game and thought for a while on how I should do this; this is why the review will be released so late at night and I’m sorry about that. Allow me to start this and I’ll show you all why I’m not the best qualified.

For Honor is a new IP from developer Ubisoft, the makers of Assassin’s creed and the Tom Clancy games. For Honor is a multiplayer oriented action arena game where players go head to head with one another to win battles for their faction. From it’s reveal the game has been both well received and highly anticipated; though the game finally came out and the anticipation has come to it’s end. I was one of many who really liked what I saw when Ubisoft first presented the game; as time went on and I heard more about the game and saw people online playing the game, I to really wanted this game in front of me as soon as possible. However, the fun I had with the game was severely overshadowed by my anger; it was a short run, but I ended up selling the game due to what I played.I didn’t have the patience or the will to wait for a patch to hopefully make the game more bearable. Due to this I never played the story mode of For Honor; instead just recently I watched the story mode on my computer. I felt I should at least see it, but given that that is the case I will talk about the story, but it won’t weigh to much on my grade on the game.My experience, and this review, will mostly be on the gameplay and characters of the game; the character segment will be divided into two segments, one for story development and the other for how characters played in game. For now though, as always we start with the story.

Our story starts in the land of Ashfield; long has the land been in peace after an order of knights won and ended a war between three factions of warriors. These factions are the Vikings, the Samurai, and the Knights themselves; One such knight and her legion of warriors does not abide by this new age. Apollyon, leader of the Blackstone Legion, plans to bring about a new age of war; she wishes, as she puts it, to separate the sheep from the wolves. Basically she wants to kill off the weak remains that call themselves warriors and bring about the true soldiers. Play through three chapters, one for each faction, as they are influenced by Apollyon’s will, and try to put a stop to her evil schemes to end this peace.

I found the story for For Honor to be incredibly boring; I feel part of this reason is due to the fact that it was basically me watching cutscenes for a good hour and a half rather than actually playing, but at the same time there were plot holes, misuse of terms, and an all around unoriginal overused story all together. For me my favorite story was the Knights, their story was coherent, and the characters were either enjoyable or bearable; except for Apollyon of course. I hate Apollyon, and not in a good way; Ubisoft made her so boring and aggravating to deal with, Her character is extremely stale; most of the time she talks in a cryptic way and never stops saying something that involves Wolves. Not to mention terrible cliche lines like “War, I am War”. Though again it wasn’t all bad; I love the main character of the knights, the warden’s character is really well done, but this isn’t the character section so we’ll get back to that.

Next came the Vikings; I hate the Vikings story for many reasons. If the story was a different faction all together then it would be a great story, but it had to be the vikings. History lesson time; the vikings have always been depicted as a very barbaric group of people. They would raid from others, stealing their treasures and killing whoever was in their path. So the whole idea of them just sitting ideally by in a time of peace is the dumbest idea I’ve heard of in a while; now don’t get me wrong, I know it’s been done before. A manga by the name of Vinland Saga has something like this; it’s not uncalled for, not every viking will be a killer. Yet you expect me to believe that after a loss to the Knights every viking will just up and say “yep let’s call it quits; no more raids, we don’t need to fight”. The whole idea of a viking is glory in battle so that you may one day rise to Valhalla. One other thing that bothered me is the use of tools that these factions would never of had access to; in the viking story they have propelled grappling hooks. You can find collectables in the story that explains that the vikings made advances in technology; stuff like siege weapons, flares, and grappling hooks. This just seems like a poor excuse to add something in the game, but it’s not even in the game. I wouldn’t have a problem if the flares or grappling hooks could be used in multiplayer and this was a means to add new elements, but instead you don’t get these items to use. They’re just in the story for who knows what reason; the flare wasn’t even a thing until the 1800′s. The Vikings and the Knights would have never used them; only the samurai had access to flares. There should have been no problem making this game fit together with the three factions; you can tell me it’s a what if story, but all three factions overlapped at some point in actual history at one point. Then you can argue that this isn’t earth, but a what if land; however, this is proven to be earth when the Valkyrie of the Vikings says “I don’t speak Japanese” after killing a samurai and conversing with a comrade. This means Japan is a thing, and the earth along with it; you can’t tell me this is some alternate land with a random place that just so happens to be Japan.

Lastly came the Samurai; They were my least favorite of the three; their story is extremely bland and their characters along with it. This story has poorly delivered acting and/or bad text to voice work, misuse of terms, and some plot holes as well. The most believable thing about the samurai is that they would more than likely grow weak after this age of peace; the samurai have usually been depicted as looking for peace. Take the legend known as Tokugawa Ieyasu; Ieyasu was the man who led japan into the Edo period and an age of peace. Peace is not a small subject of the Japanese people; however, this is honestly the only thing that I was fine with. Basically their story was let’s pull ourselves back together and kill Apollyon; that’s it, nothing amused me or kept my invested. I was ready to just stop right there, I saw my fill, but I have to be fair. Usually each story you will either play or see the four characters from the faction that are playable in multiplayer; for samurai that is no different though you’ll mostly play as the Orochi who is pictured above. Now this story was the biggest problem with misused terms; hell the faction itself has a record of it. In the story they really like to use the term Daimyo; Daimyo is the term used for great lords who were vassals to the Shogun in Feudal Japan. At the beginning of the story this term is used by Ubisoft to describe Soldiers rather than lords; the first person to say “my Daimyo” is the main character Orochi. This would insinuate that he is the Shogun, but that’s false; near the end of the story the term starts to sound more like it’s intended meaning, but hearing it over and over gets really annoying. The characters themselves are also misused terms, or at least one of them is. Kensei, Shugoki, and Nobushi are all names given to warriors; for example Shugoki is a combination of the words Guard and Demon or Ogre. However, Orochi is not a name given to a soldier; Orochi, basically speaking, translates to big snake. Orochi is usually associated with the famous Japanese demon Yamata-no-orochi, who happens to be a huge snake demon. Plus this isn’t the first time media of some sort has given a human the name Orochi. The King of Fighters series has a famous final boss by this name; however, this is because the Orochi of KOF is literally Yamata-no-Orochi. Why is a random samurai given the name Orochi like some rank, was it so hard to call him a Ronin? Especially the main character of the samurai, he has no lord after some events happen in the game thereby making him a Ronin. As for poorly delivered acting, it only happens in one scene, but the Kensei is trying to stop fights from breaking out and the Shugoki comes in to tell them that Vikings are attacking; the line is written as “uhhh.... Vikings!”, but the Shugoki says it like he’s confused almost like he’s questioning if there are really vikings. Lastly for the plot hole, near the end of the story the Orochi sees a band of Knights ; these knights happen to be deserters of Blackstone who didn’t agree with Apollyon. Though one deserter doesn’t make sense; a story integral character left Apollyon’s knights, but in the story not only is he told the entire plan, he agrees with the plan. He never shows a single sign of doubt towards Apollyon, but there he is in chapter three. You never see him leave Blackstone, it’s just one moment he’s there the next he isn’t. Overall the story is bland, it’s a tired over told tale that leaves little to nothing in terms of enjoyment. The characters faired a little better, but not by much.

For Honor’s story cast is not very enjoyable; there are a few diamonds in the rough, but not many. You heard my piece on Apollyon, and in my opinion she’s the worst of them all. For the characters my ordering from favorite to least is a little different from how I ordered the stories. The samurai still hold last, but the Vikings are my favorite. Though that’s as a group; for individual characters, my favorite was the main character of the Knights which was the warden. The Warden develops extremely well throughout the story; at first he welcomes the idea of joining the Blackstone Legion, but as time goes on he starts to question the ethics of this group. His final scene in the knight campaign is really well done and all together beautiful in terms of the portrayal. As for groups, the reason I like the Vikings the most is because of how charismatic they are throughout their story. The only one I don’t care for is the Valkyrie; she remains stale throughout the whole viking story and hardly changes. The rest of the group is lively and fun; the berserker is comedic in how he acts, he’s not all that smart and tends to do the first thing that comes to mind. The Jarl is your classic viking; he’s all about fighting, drinking, and saying random things only a Norse man would say. One last character in the viking story is this female berserker named Siv; she feels extremely forced, most of the time you see her she’s screaming raider at the top of her lungs. It sounds terrible and tends to be more aggravating to listen to than exhilarating in any way. Then last comes the Samurai; for me they do nothing that makes them stand out. All of them feel really boring and out of place in the story as a whole. They don’t do anything to make me out right hate them, but at the same time they don’t bring anything to the table to make me want to watch either. Not much can be said about them; the Shugoki was the only one I had voice delivery problems with, the rest of the cast sounded fine and performed fine as well. Yet that’s just it, it was just fine. Overall the cast had it’s ups and downs; there were some that developed and developed well. While others just stood still and never really made an effort to become something, or in Apollyon’s case they became to much of something. Though now with the story out of the way; how do these characters fair in multiplayer gameplay.

As specified before, For Honor has three factions; in the three factions there are a total of four playable characters. Each factions has a all-rounder, a defender, an assassin, and a hybrid fighter. All-rounders are as you expect; they’re not the best killers or tanks, but they can manage a bit of everything; defenders are your more defense oriented fighters while assassin’s are the damage dealers, and then lastly the hybrids who excel with their reach. For me I played the viking assassin, which was the berserker, and the knight defender known as the conqueror. I was slowly trying to learn the Valkyrie, but I stopped playing before really getting into her play style. Now usually you’d think it would be best not to do to much of one thing, but that would be wrong in terms of this game. Most of my experience in this game was against teams that only played as assassins; and not a spread of the three, but a team full of only Orochi. Orochi is one of the most played characters I’ve seen and when I see a full team of them it really puts a damper on things. Not to mention that a lot of people were already prestiged in their character countless times. This was one of the main reasons I quit the game; it’s not fun fighting a team of one character, especially when that character feels broken to fight. Many people I talk to say that it’s all about finding a counter to said character, and I took that argument for some time; however, that doesn’t work when there are four orochis at a high level. Not only will they have better gear that does more, but they will also have all their perks. So if they’re in a party they can just build their orochi around any character making my efforts useless. That aside, one thing I learned is don’t try to play every character; test them at first, but not every character is for everyone. I love the berserker because they prioritize attack over defense, but when I tried other characters I found myself having trouble. It took me some time to get the hang of conqueror, but when I touched other defenders I found I just couldn’t play them. There is definitely a learning curve to this game, and I do believe that a fair amount of skill is needed to play the game; though as it stands I feel there is some bad balancing as well. In a recent update my two characters got tweaked while characters like the orochi were untouched; do I think it was unfair to change the two I play, no, but I feel there are more pressing characters in need of a respec. The game just launched recently so of course there are problems that will need to be fixed, but I just wasn’t satisfied with the game anymore and I don’t have the patience to wait for patches when I’m getting little satisfaction in return. Don’t get me wrong, I like the characters in many ways and not all the problems lie with the characters alone, but they play a big role. We’ll get to those problems in due time, but first how does the game look and sound?

I may have a lot of problems with For Honor, but I can agree that the game is visually stunning. Sadly I can’t really get to much visuals of the game because I would be using footage from let’s players off youtube; the best I can get is this gameplay footage from IGN.

Where should I start with the game; the animations of the characters look amazing to say the least. From a single swipe of their weapon to the gruesome executions. Each hit feels like you’re hitting them with the force you desire; if the game can run smooth so to do the visuals. Then there’s the scenery; as you play the game each stage will change based on who currently owns the land. One day you could be fighting in a castle with samurai decal, while the next day the vikings could have moved in. This also influences the weather dynamics of the game; whoever owns the land will also in turn change the weather. It could be snowing like in the video above, and then the next day on the same stage it might be clear or rainy. Even small details like your characters weapon and armor; the design you wish to wear, and even what tattoo you might want on your arm. A lot of work went into making this game look beautiful and it doesn’t fall short. As for the games music; it’s good, but nothing special. Chances are you’ll be to focused on the gameplay to really stop and hear the music. I myself never remember a single music track playing during PVP; I know there was some in the story mode, but that’s it. Though there are some good selections among the soundtrack; one of my favorites being the main theme you’ll hear a lot as you play. Here is that and a few others I thought stood out among the rest.

For Honor looks stunning, and though it’s soundtrack isn’t as apparent in PVP; it none the less has an amazing OST. Lastly and most importantly comes the gameplay; I gave a little bit of my opinion back in the characters segment, but there’s more that needs to be discussed.

For Honor is a great game in practice; what I mean by this is that what Ubisoft advertised looks great in terms of gameplay, but what we got wasn’t just what was advertised. Instead of a game where you got head to head with other players, most of the time it’s one against many. To explain this lets first look at the game modes. There are Duels which are a 1v1 elimination match; then there is Brawl, essentially the same as duel but instead it’s 2v2. After this comes Domination, Skirmish, and Elimination; all three of these modes are 4v4. In domination you battle for control of three points; Skirmish is team deathmatch, and elimination is last team standing wins. I loved duels and brawls; duel was everything I wanted from the game, an honorable one on one fight. Brawls were basically the same; if a person died there was usually an honor system between players where there was no interference during fights. As for the other three modes there was way to much that made those modes unplayable for me. For Honor’s community isn’t the greatest; that’s not to say they are aggressive or that they use vulgar,language like other communities. Instead it’s in the way they play; IGN’s video I put above actually shows this. In the 4v4 game modes you’ll more than likely never have an honest honorable fight; most games will have players ganging up on some unlucky person making it impossible to counter or fight back. Though if that doesn’t happen then you might get thrown off an edge; a lot of my battles didn’t end with someone dying by a weapon, but instead ended in someone, usually me, getting pushed off an edge. I’m not saying these aren’t viable tactics, but I didn’t buy this game to just sit and die because four people decided to pool together, or because people just want to thrown people off ledges or into traps, and there spawns another problem with the game.For Honor is terrible in letting players know about how to do things, as well as the hazards each stage holds.

This isn’t the exact image that shows, but when a map loads you’ll get an image of said map like the one above and some conditions the map has like the current weather; however each of these loading screens forgets to include potential hazards to avoid. In one stage there are geysers all throughout the map and stepping in a geyser right when it’s going to erupt with instantly kill you. I didn’t know this, but my friends told me that the story tells you this. Another instance of this comes from basic mechanics of the game; while on a ladder you can slide down the ladder or grab someone above you. The game’s starting tutorial never tells you how to do this so I never did it, but countless people did it to me. Can you guess where the introduction to this was? In the story of course; I don’t mind there being tutorials in the story, but for a game that is advertised as a multiplayer oriented game I expect less tutorials in the story and more tutorials and warnings at the start of the game, or during the loading screen as tips.Lastly is Ubisoft themselves; the company is extremely stingy in how their game operates. Currently For Honor is running on a player to player server system instead of dedicated servers; this causes a lot of problems. For me games ran pretty smoothly most of the time, but there were moments where the game would kick all players, or lag would occur. This also doesn’t help the gameplay as a whole; on the current system you might experience problems with your timing on guards, parries, or basically anything that involves timing which for this game is a lot. The only real pro to this system was that no one had host advantage, but that’s if you could stay in a game. Aside from all this though, the gameplay, or what was intended is really fun. If I could have an honorable battle to myself there was no problem; I had fun in duel and brawl, but playing only two game modes will get boring. The game is advertised as For Honor, Honor being a key word, but the game has some of the most dishonorable moments that it just drains you of the will to continue.This was the main reason I left the game; I thought why play a game that’s going to anger me when I can play something I know I’ll enjoy, and thus the final nail in the coffin.

Overall I give For Honor a 5 out of 10, it’s just average to me; I debated doing two scores for the game considering the game as it was advertised and how it is actually played, but that just seems wrong. I don’t want to hate the game, but at the same time I don’t wish to hold it high. So it sits in the middle for me. I feel like if I played the story this would have ranked lower than a 5 but I have no right to review something I have not played; I may have watched the story all the way through, but that’s always been my stance of things. The story was terrible in my opinion and the characters not much better; there are some balancing and fixes that need to be done as well as some changes that Ubisoft will need to both come to terms with and utilizes to make this worth every penny. Though for me I don’t see this game in my future, at least not for quite some time.

Next week will be the review for Demi-chan, sorry for the long review, but I had a lot that I needed to get off my plate; until then however, have a nice day.

[ciathyzareposts]

Sorcerer’s Bane: Won! (with Summary and Rating)

“. . . office,” I think this was supposed to end.

            Sorcerer’s Bane

United States

Wood Software Development (developer and publisher)

Released in 1992 for DOS

Date Started: 27 January 2019

Date Ended: 4 February 2019

Total Hours: 8

Difficulty: Medium-Hard (3.5/5)

Final Rating: (to come later)

Ranking at Time of Posting: (to come later)

Summary:

Sorcerer’s Bane is a shareware roguelike. The player controls a fighter, magic-user, or bard who must descend 30 levels of a former magicians’ academy called Mogadore, find four pieces of a slain sorcerer’s staff, and use it to defeat an evil wizard named Lodi. There are some sacrifices in typical roguelike mechanics: encounters pop up randomly; you cannot see monsters on the screen; dungeon levels are very basic; there are no complex interactions among inventory items; and there’s no food system. However, these losses are balanced by some interesting encounters, an intuitive interface, an excellent “help” system, innovative ideas in item effects and encounter options, and a more interesting backstory than the typical roguelike. Length and difficulty are both set at optimum levels.       

*****

The game wrapped up in a satisfying manner. It perhaps lasted a smidgen too long, but the problem was less “real” length than a certain amount of angst after I crossed Level 20 without finding the dragons or the evil necromancer Lodi. I then started to wonder how long the developer was going to stretch things. Fifty levels? A hundred? It turned out that the answer was 30, and if I’d known that at the outset, I probably wouldn’t have minded.

          I found all the dragons’ lairs (D) on Level 29.

         After level 10, you’ve left the town so far behind that you probably won’t go back. It turns out that the game never develops a method for fast travel to the town. Instead, you have to rely on the rare wandering cleric and wandering trader, or–more likely–your growing inventory of wands, rings, and potions.

By Level 20, I had found pretty much every item in the game. Rings never run out of magic, so you only need to find one of each. Wands do deplete, so it makes sense to carry as many useful ones as you can. By Level 20, I had also found enough books, potions, and wishes that my attributes were all at the maximum of 21.

            My late-game inventory has just about every type of ring and wand.

            Enemies get a lot harder as you descend. You meet advanced undead like wraiths, specters, and vampires, different types of elementals, advanced were-creatures, spellcasters, demons, giants, and of course (ultimately) dragons. Most of these creatures have special attacks that can paralyze, poison, disease, damage your inventory, and so forth. Fighting them becomes a game of swapping inventory the moment combat starts. For instance, you want to put on a Ring of Clear Mind the moment you meet a vampire or he’ll charm you and then kill you, but you switch that to a Ring of Disease Resistance if you run into a troll. A fire elemental requires an immediate donning of a Firecloak. 

A weirdly large number of enemies–including demons and most undead–die immediately if you have a Ring of Disenchantment equipped when you meet them. It’s cool but it seems too easy.

             That was a freebie.

         All the swapping gets a little tiresome, and I admit I adopted a policy of fleeing from most encounters with certain enemies (especially disease- and lycanthropy-causing enemies) and saved fighting for the tough brutes with no special abilities, such as giants and ogres. There are a small number of enemies–particularly ghouls, harpies, and thieves–whom it makes no sense to fight at all because they teleport away if you get close to killing them.

            Harpies not only teleport away before they die; they take your items with them!

          It took me a while, after my disastrous encounter with a Deck of Many Things, to restore my inventory. In particular, it took a long time to find a magic weapon, and some creatures are only damaged by magic weapons. I finally gave up and used a wish to get one, choosing the “Haphestus-Made Sword” (I think the developer meant “Hephaestus”), which I think is the most powerful weapon in the game except for the “Bazerker Sword,” which comes with the usual curse on that item–that is, you automatically attack everyone, including friendly NPCs.

Later, I used another wish on grizzly bear and dream wolf companions, which was pretty cool, but they didn’t last long, and they can only damage creatures that don’t require a magical weapon.

                My grizzly bear and dream wolf help me against a cockatrice.

            There are some unfortunate bugs in the game. At least, I think they’re bugs. Basically, some magic items simply stop working even though you still have them equipped. Usually, un-equipping them and re-equipping them solves the problem, but not always. Regeneration was particularly troublesome. I could never get a handle on how to make it work consistently. Whether I was wearing a Ring of Regeneration, wielding my magic flute, and singing the healing song–or only some of these things, or none–sometimes I’d regenerate 10 hit points per round, sometimes one, sometimes none. Sometimes I’d only regenerate outside of combat, and sometimes only in combat. 

I used these problems as an excuse to not strictly accede to permadeath. I backed up the game every couple of dungeon levels and restored when I died. I ultimately restored five or six times, but I think except for the last two (when I faced Lodi), I could have prevented the deaths with a little more care.

The dragons–white, red, gold, and phase–were all on Level 29. Each encounter was preceded by a text screen:

           Gotta get what I came for.

         I tried talking to the first dragon I encountered, the gold dragon. He congratulated me for my bravery and gave me his piece of the staff after taking all of my gold (which had utterly lost any other utility by then anyway).

             An alternate way to solve this part of the quest.

          The other dragons weren’t as nice, and I had to fight them with the appropriate magic items to protect against their special attacks. I mostly killed them with Wands of Magic Missile and Fireball, which do about 10 times the damage of my weapon. Red was supposed to be “easiest” (as a unicorn had previously told me), but he was immune to any magic, so in that sense, he was harder. I had to use a wish to restore my hit points after he nearly killed me, finally killing him after a few dozen rounds.

The backstory had made it seem like there would be some puzzle associated with assembling the staff. Instead, it simply assembled itself once I had four pieces. It then spoke to me telepathically, introducing itself as “Gilcrest.”

The staff filled in the rest of the backstory. Apparently, when Sabee and Lodi created the Staffs of Power, they made them so powerful that the staffs “started polarizing the very forces of good and evil.” Gilcrest became aspected to good, while his counterpart Moshannon took on an aspect of evil, ultimately corrupting Lodi, its wielder. (Gilcrest and Moshannon are both place names; who knows what they mean to the developer. Come to think of it, so is Lodi.) Gilcrest said that I’d find Lodi on the next level, and that he (Gilcrest) would take care of neutralizing Moshannon.

         The Staff of Power is chatty.

           Level 30 was a bit different than the others. Instead of a large open space with a few rooms, it consistent entirely of interlocking rooms. 

              A very different look than the first 29 levels.

           Still, it wasn’t long before I met Lodi. In a bit of exposition, we both drew out staves, but the staves decided to take their fight elsewhere and disappeared. Lodi, enraged at the loss of his staff, rejected my peace overtures and attacked.

            Might as well preserve all these text screens for posterity.

           Like the red dragon, he was immune to magic. He had his own magical attacks and managed to hit me with a melee weapon almost every round. I didn’t last long against him on my first attempt.

On my second, I used a wish to conjure a grizzly bear companion (leaving me with one more) and equipped a Ring of Disenchantment and a Ring of Regeneration. These things helped. He was unable to hit me with spells, and the grizzly distracted him and took his attacks some of the rounds. The “monster info” dialogue told me that he had 120 hit points, so I kept track of how much damage I was doing round after round. When he got me down to about 20 hit points, I used a wish to restore my hit points and kept fighting. But he still killed me when he had about 30 hit points remaining.

            With my grizzly bear to take some of the heat, I did better against Lodi.

          After reloading, I spent about 15 minutes fighting random creatures on the lower levels and opening chests until I ran into a djinn who granted me a third wish. This time, with two wishes in reserve, I was able to defeat Lodi. 

            I guess Lodi was a load-bearing boss.

         The endgame text revealed that I was the titular “Sorcerer’s Bane.” Lodi’s death caused the dungeon to collapse, but the goddess Kiera appeared to teleport me to the surface. The god Allyn appeared to congratulate me and gave me a weak answer when I asked why he didn’t just deal with Lodi himself: “As game master, I must expand most of my energy on maintaining the balance of good and evil in the realms.”

         I don’t know if I want to live in a world where God is named “Allyn.”

         After a final plea to register the game and tells other about it (oddly truncated), I was returned to the DOS prompt.

I spent some time with the other character classes, and it’s worth noting that the three classes face very different games. The choice is far more consequential here than in the typical roguelike, where a wizard can essentially become a fighter with the right equipment and attributes. Here, the “hidden” statistics–to hit, to damage, to avoid damage, alertness, and magic resistance among them–are far more dependent on class and level than attributes. A fighter with 18 strength and dexterity hits far more often in combat, and does far more damage, than a bard with the same attributes.

I won with a bard, who only ever gets three bard songs, and you almost always want to leave it on the one that heals. The spells afforded to magic users add a completely different dimension to the game. You seem to get a fixed number of slots per dungeon level, and they reset upon transitioning levels. Unfortunately, there’s no in-game documentation on the spells. I only got to see a couple of levels’ worth. If anyone wants to try this game as a magic-user, I’d be interested in what some of the upper-level spells do and how your experience differs from mine as a bard.

In a GIMLET, I would give it:

           3 points for the game world. It’s not an epic backstory, but it’s better than the typical roguelike offers (at least, to this point).

4 points for character creation and development. I really like how the choice of class matters. For 2/3 of the game, character development is steady and rewarding, both in the improvement of statistics and the leveling of the character.

3 points for NPC interaction. That’s also a relatively high score for a roguelike. Some monsters are effectively “NPCs” and give you hints if you talk with them, and there are more explicit NPCs roaming the dungeon as healers, traders, and gamblers. The gambler with the Deck of Many Things is a particularly fun addition.

          A creature gives me a hint.

         5 points for encounters and foes. The monsters are fantasy boilerplate, but the developer did a superb job programming in the various special abilities and resistances and then offering them to the player in the “monster info” screen. Other encounters, as documented, are fun and unusual for a roguelike.

        The game’s assessment of the red dragon.

         4 points for magic and combat. That’s a compromise between what I imagine I’d give it as magic user (5) and what I experienced as a bard (3). You don’t have quite the same number of tactics as the typical roguelike, and success mostly comes down to equipping the right stuff to counter the enemy’s special attacks.

           I trade blows with a vampire, with my Ring of Clear Mind protecting me from his attempts to charm.

         5 points for equipment. Great variety, easy to assess. 

2 points for the economy. It’s useful at the outset, but gold becomes superfluous very fast. It would have been nice if the wandering trader had sold magic items.

2 points for a main quest with no choices or branches.

4 points for graphics, sound, and interface. The graphics are sparse, as is typical for a roguelike, and the only sound (aside from error beeps) is a relentless blooping riff on Beethoven that you’ll want to turn off immediately. The interface is superb, brilliantly anticipating all of the ways that a player might want to interact with the controls. Most commercial developers could learn something from this kid.

5 points for gameplay, doing well in replayability (with the different classes), length, and difficulty. 

              That gives us a final score of 37, a decent figure for a shareware title. Even though it lacks many roguelike elements, I enjoyed it more than the typical roguelike. 

In the first entry, I said I thought I had found the right Chuck Wood, and that he would have been 18 when the game was published. After some additional research, I believe I’m wrong and that the correct Mr. Wood was closer to 28. From what I can tell, he remained in the software business (at least part-time) but doesn’t seem to have worked on any other games. I send an e-mail to some possible candidates but haven’t received any responses yet. Chuck, if you find your way here, I owe you $19.95.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/sorcerers-bane-won-with-summary-and-rating/

[mechefbear]

Policing and Poltergeists

The world is constantly moving, constantly changing. It evolves, and as it evolves so do its inhabitants. A long time ago, the world was the gateway to any and all life forms. It was filled with beings and creatures of fantastic origins. Dwarfs, elves, faeries and trolls, angels and demons, just about anything you can think of. But times have changed; the world is a different place now. Time moved on and the world moved with it.

  My name is Grok, and I am an Orc. Thousands of years ago our peoples, orcs and humans, were at war. Had I been born then, I would have been born a warrior, fighting with my brethren on the bloody battlefields. Hundreds of years ago, my people were slaves to yours. If I were born then, I would have been born into captivity, forced to work against my will. Now? Well now, it’s business as usual, and now I’m a police officer.

  Ok, so maybe that’s not a fair explanation. I’m a detective sergeant for the London Metropolitan Police and I work out of the D&D Division. That’s the Dungeons and Dragons division. It’s the organisation, directed by the government, to police and assist with all criminal situations involving creatures or persons of fantastical origin. Well, at least that’s what it says in the welcome pack. The D&D Division is just what it sounds like, a police department that deals with all the crimes that the regular cops won’t touch.  We used to be called the SS Division (The Swords and Sorcery Division) but the Nazi Party connotations did not sit well with Human Resources, or the political correctness brigade.

  We deal with everything that no one else wants. From children-stealing faeries to ogre serial killers, drunk and disorderly deities to drug dealing harpies. You get the picture, if it sounds magical or mystical in anyway it usually gets shunted over to us, which is why I found myself on a rainy Friday night, chasing a bloody gnome across town.

‘Suspect is heading up Charing Cross road, towards Leicester Square’ I barked into my radio.

I was losing him. He had a distinct advantage, as he could quite literally run between the legs of anyone in his way. I, however, had to repeatedly yell ‘Police!’ to get the crowds of commuters and revellers to move out of my way.

‘Why do they always run?’ I wheezed to myself, as I followed him across an intersection.

  But why was he running, what had he seen? I wondered. Whilst attending a crime scene down by the train station, I’d noticed the gnome watching the forensics team, but when I approached him to ask if he had witnessed anything, he took off at a sprint down the road. And let me tell you, those little bastards can really fly. I’m a big guy, I’m about 300lbs and I’m not really made for speed. Marathons maybe, sprinting definitely not.

  Something was not right about this, about the whole situation. We’d had an anonymous call telling us that there was a body in an alley next to Charing Cross train station, forensics had quickly turned the case over to us when they’d identified that the body was a vampire, being that there wasn’t a body at all, just a forlorn looking pile of ash inside a designer suit. I’d left my own forensics team to determine who the corpse used to be, whilst I chased the suspect. But I still didn’t understand why the gnome was fleeing, there wasn’t a chance that he’d have been able to off the vamp. Something was wrong. The gnome must have seen something.

‘Where are you Boss?’ Somebody squawked into my earpiece

‘Coming up to the tube station, where the hell are you Nex?’ I shouted into the radio, and receiving a squeal of feedback in return.

I could just see the gnome up ahead, dashing across the intersection by the tube station entrance. I was losing sight of him in the thick crowds of people waiting for the lights to change.

‘Police!’ I bellowed again, as I barrelled into a group of Japanese tourists, scattering them and probably bruising them severely.

 I dashed into the road, following him across to the other side but I already knew he was gone. I’d lost him, and with so many different directions he could take, I’d have no chance of catching him now.

  There was crack of thunder and a cloud of thick green smoke appeared in front of me. Before I’d even had a chance to react, a dark figure came charging through the haze and crashed straight in to me. We went down in a tangle of limbs and swear words.

‘Get off me you flaming idiot!’

‘Ow! My Hair!’

‘Nex! I said get off! It’s me!’

‘Oh…’

‘Off!’

‘Sorry Sarge’

 I picked myself up and hoisted Nex to his feet. He brushed himself off, while I looked around to see if there was any clue as to where the gnome had headed. He didn’t look like much; standing in at just under 6 foot and only 120lbs, with his thick glasses, green trench coat and curly shoulder length hair. But Nex was a wizard, and while he wasn’t great (to be perfectly honest, he was pretty awful at it), he was my partner and my friend and we’d been through a lot together.

‘I don’t suppose you saw anything as you ‘ported in did you?’ I asked, turning back to Nex

‘Nope, just the usual spinney-vortex stuff’ He replied cheerfully

I didn’t want to seem defeated in front of him, but we’d almost definitely lost the gnome now. I turned to look around the intersection again, and as I did, I noticed the entire Japanese tourist party I had crashed into were running towards me. One grabbed my sleeve just as I was about to radio in to dispatch to tell them about the gnome’s escape. They all started shouting at me, I literally had no clue what was going on. They were grabbing me and pointing at me, and babbling away in Japanese. I don’t understand Japanese, I have a hard enough time with English.

‘I’m sorry!’ I protested, ‘I hope none of you are hurt, I was just trying to catch a suspect’

‘They keep saying the same thing Sarge’

‘Well I’m trying to apologise!’

‘I don’t think it’s that sir, I think… Wait, my Japanese is a bit rusty.’ Nex turned to one of the tourists and indicated they should tell him instead.

‘She says, Small something Go something something. No wait… Tiny something Go That Way.

I suddenly understood, I spun the tourist to face me and growled,

‘Which way?’

She pointed to the entrance to Leicester Square Underground station. I quickly released her and run towards the stairs.

 Moving around an Underground station is never easy, but it’s almost impossible on a Friday night, its even worse on a rainy Friday night. Hundreds of people were milling about, trying to decide which line to take or which exit to leave at.

‘It’s useless Sarge, he could be anywhere by now. He’s had enough time to get on a train and leave’ Nex voiced, from just behind me.

 I didn’t answer because I thought he was right, but I wasn’t sure either. I pressed forward towards the barriers and looked up at the monitor displaying what was happening at platform level. It was fruitless really; the platform was as packed as the rest of the station. I was about to give up the hunt when I noticed movement on the camera. Something blurred for a second around a woman’s legs. There it was again further down the platform around a man’s legs.

‘Gotcha!’ I growled triumphantly

I pushed through the throng at the barriers and vaulted one of the gates, I heard Nex crash to the floor behind me after attempting the same thing, I flipped my badge to the Guard and sprinted to the escalators.

 Now I know I said it before but I am a big guy. I’m a lot wider and taller than your average human being, all orcs are. So as I careened down the escalator, people didn’t so much make way for me, as hold on to the rails for dear life as I barrelled past them at top speed hoping not to send anyone plummeting downwards. As I hit the ground again, I skidded on the wet floor and just managed to avoid crashing to the floor by slamming painfully into the wall. I turned the rest of the corner to the platform entrance, to find it blocked by a wall of people.

‘Police!’ I bellowed at the top of my voice

The crowd parted as best it could and as I squeezed through I heard somebody scream further down the platform. I turned to the noise and rushed forward, just in time to see the Gnome disappearing down the tunnel.

‘Bugger! He’s down on the tracks!’ I moaned

‘We’ve lost him Sarge’

‘Balls to that!’ I shouted jumping down to the track ‘He knows something!’

I turned to Nex, who had enough common sense to not follow me down.

‘Get on the radio to dispatch, get them to stop the trains coming in to here’ I ordered

Nex nodded and I ran off in pursuit of the gnome. Dispatch wouldn’t be able to stop the trains; D&D didn’t have enough pull for that. I just had to hope I could catch the gnome before the next southbound Piccadilly train flattened me.

  The gnome had a head start but I was angry now and my adrenaline was really pumping. I could even hear the little bastard further down the tunnel struggling in the suffocating darkness. My vision however, was almost as good in the dark as it is in the light and after a few more seconds I could even see the small figure ahead. I was closing in on him, and that was when things went from bad to worse. The tunnel started to rumble, just a little at first but the vibration was steadily increasing. I saw the gnome stumble as the vibration increased enough to knock him off his feet. I sprinted forward and scooped him up.

‘You’re nicked son!’ I growled as I held him up to my face.

‘Piss off Copper!’ He spat, and he actually did spit right in my face.

 I didn’t get the chance to retort, the vibrations had increased ten fold and there was a strong wind coming down the tunnel. I could even hear the train now. I spun round and raced down the tunnel, still keeping my fist clamped down on the gnome who was battling futilely to free himself from my grip. All the while the rumbling increased and the noise grew louder. Suddenly I tripped over something on the track and tumbled head first to the floor, somehow I managed to keep a hold on the gnome as I fell. Two beams of light raced towards me on the floor as I pulled myself up. I turned to see the train barrelling towards me, the driver hadn’t noticed me stand up. Well, I thought, if this is how I go out then I’ll I go out properly, I lifted the gnome back up to eye level.

‘You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used as evidence against you in a court of law’ I recited

The gnome stared wide eyed back at me, then we both turned to look at the train. The driver had finally spotted us on the track and was pulling down hard on the brakes. It wouldn’t make a blind bit of difference to us now but the thought was there.

 I suddenly felt a sharp tug on my coat and there was a loud crack and I all I could see was green. Once the haze if green smoke had cleared I could see I was back on street level with Nex who was attempting to explain to me that dispatch had told him that he had two hopes of getting the trains stopped. I was attempting to listen but I couldn’t shake the image of the train literally inches from my face. I could still feel the rumble in my legs and the wind on my face.

‘What a night boss, eh?’ Nex was asking

I still couldn’t respond but I managed to grunt in the affirmative. The gnome seemed to be coming back around quicker than me, because he was once again battling to get free of my hand. Nex was looking at me in a sort of worried way, he led me to a nearby bench and sat me down while he radioed in for a lift back to the station. A moment later he came back and was pushing a warm cup into my free hand. I drank the tea in silence and by the time the car had turned up, I was feeling distinctly more myself.

 The ride back was silent, the driver was annoyed that he’d been left to do escort duty for D&D and, Nex and I were too caught up in our thoughts to even attempt civilised conversation. We pulled up outside the D&D headquarters, it was a small grey office building directly opposite the main police station, it had once been the head office of a taxidermist and as such we’d never been able to rid the place of the smell of formaldehyde. Behind the front desk was a young elven officer I’d not met before, she smiled brightly as we approached.

‘Good Evening Sergeant, Constable’ She greeted us

‘Evening’ I responded trying to convey a brightness I didn’t actually feel

‘Good Evening Elsati’ Nex responded with a bright smile of his own

‘Right, we need to book this guy in for a night’s stay and I need to get him into interrogation as well’ I barked, trying to break the awkwardness I was feeling

‘Um…’ She paused, ‘Well you’re actually wanted upstairs Sergeant Grok, Chief Inspector Stonejaw told me to send you up as soon as you walked in…’

I groaned as I realised I was probably due an ear-bashing for this evenings events, I turned to Nex and asked,

‘Can you get this sorted and get him waiting in Interrogation for me as soon as I’ve finished with the boss?’

He nodded and I walked away thinking of how I could spin the story of tonight’s mishaps into something more plausible than, ‘He ran so I chased him across town, into the Underground, down into the tunnels and nearly got flattened by a train’. The problem was it wasn’t plausible, there was no reason I should have chased him like that across the city, it was just policeman’s instinct. Somebody running away from you, usually means they’ve done something wrong. I stood in the elevator heading up to the top floor, 5th (I told you it was a small building), brooding on everything that had so far happened. The doors opened on 3rd and a selection of D&D officers walked in; a couple of witches I knew by sight alone, a trio of goblins who worked in accounting and unfortunately for all of us, an Ogre named Travis squeezed himself in as well. It’s quite hard to be introspective when you’re face is squashed against an elevator wall, but I did try. The lift announced that it had reached the 5th floor and we all bundled out.

‘BAGGINS!’ An unseen voice bellowed,

I looked over to where the noise had originated, Chief Inspector Stonejaw’s door was wide open and he was apparently yelling from within.

‘BAGGINS!’ He roared again, this time though he came to stand in the doorway.

  He still cut an impressive figure even though he was reaching near to the 500-year mark, around retirement age for a dwarf. Although his long hair and impressive beard were mostly grey, those were the only external signs of age, he was still relatively fit and agile, and he still commanded an amazing amount of respect from everyone at D&D.

‘Where the hell is that Hobbit!? Always vanishing at the worst times!’ He complained

Unfortunately for me, he suddenly noticed my appearance and all thoughts of the vanishing hobbit were forgotten.

‘Ah Grok. My Office. Now.’

I followed him into his office and took a seat on the other side of his desk, he didn’t talk, just continued to stare at me. He opened a pack of tablets, plonked a couple into a glass of water where they joyfully began to fizz away whilst his eyes bore holes into my face.

‘So.’ He finally began,

‘Look Chief I-‘

‘Don’t you Look Chief Me! Do you have any idea the trouble you caused?’

‘Yes sir’

‘You do? Then why don’t you tell me Sergeant?’

‘I knocked over a group of tourists in Leicester Square?’ I offered

‘No.’

‘There may have been a part of my pursuit which was inside the Underground tunnels, and I may or may not have requested the trains be stopped and I also may or may not have been nearly flattened by a tube train…’ I added,

‘That would be what I wanted to discuss with you, yes’

‘Chief, I was chasing a suspect in a murder, he was fleeing the scene!’ I explained,

‘He ran down on into the underground tunnels Grok! You should have let him flee! You didn’t just risk your life, you endangered your partner and you put the lives of the people on the train, that you so narrowly missed, in danger too!’ He exclaimed

I paused; I didn’t have an argument for that. He was right, I had been reckless. As usual. I looked away from him and heard him finally drink the water, when I looked back up he was again staring daggers at me.

‘Last chance Grok, you get one last lifeline, so this witness better be worth it or you just put your job on the line for nothing…’ He let the last sentence hang in the air between us

‘I’m sorry sir’

‘Don’t be. Just get in line and do your damned job!’

I nodded and left the room, my head awash with a multitude of different thoughts and emotions. I was still pondering the evening’s events when I finally found the interrogation suite the gnome had been placed in. Nex was waiting by the door for me.

‘Still not talking Sarge’ He responded as I approached

I grunted in acknowledgement, and as I was about to enter the room Nex’s phone went off. He pulled it from his coat pocket and looked down at the screen.

‘That’s forensics; they’ve got the results from the scene. I’ll go get them and bring them back here boss?’

I just grunted again and entered the room, shutting Nex out. The grey dilapidated room had nothing but a table, a recorder and two chairs in it. I took a seat opposite the gnome, whose chair was actually upon the table. I picked up the dictaphone and pressed record, this was made slightly more difficult by the size of my fingers to the buttons. I looked down at the notes left for me by Nex and then back up to gnome.

‘It’s 22:23 on Friday the 9th of March 2012. This is our first Interview with –‘ I paused and looked back down at the notes given to me,

‘It says here you have refused to give your name? I asked the gnome, in response he just stared blankly towards me

‘Let the record show that the suspect is refusing to answer. This interview is being conducted by myself; Detective Sergeant Grok and Detective Constable Nex Tate, who shall be joining us shortly. So…’ I paused, staring at the gnome and deciding what I wanted to know first ‘You are aware that you have been arrested for resisting arrest and refusing to cooperate with a police investigation? And that furthermore you are now a chief suspect in an ongoing murder investigation? Why don’t you make this a lot easier for me and a lot easier on yourself by telling me what the hell you saw, and why the hell you ran?’ I stopped and looked at the gnome, he was fidgeting now, not nearly as defiant as before.

‘I want to know what made you run from me, from a violent crime scene, halfway across town and into the underground, just to avoid talking to me. What the hell are you hiding?’ I continued, ‘If you don’t talk, the investigation will have to continue and I can promise you that by the end of it you will be begging me to talk, begging me to let you tell me what you know, so listen to me mate. We can do this the hard way or the easy way, and the decision is completely yours…’

I left the threat hanging in the air between us and waited for the gnome to make up his mind. The silence dragged on between us and I knew now that the gnome wasn’t going to talk. The door opened and Nex let himself in.

‘Sarge, you need to see this’ He said brandishing the test results

‘One second Constable,’ I said in my most officious voice for the benefit of the dictaphone, then I clicked the dictaphone off and turned back to the gnome.

‘Listen here you little shit, I need to know what you saw. I need to know what the hell happened in that alleyway. I’ve got a dead body on my heads and right now you’re gonna go down for it if you don’t help me out here…’

‘But Sarge, really you need to see this…’ Nex interrupted

‘What is it?’ I snapped at him, annoyed at his interruption.

‘They’ve managed to identify the ashes boss. It’s Tony Vialli...’ Nex paused, looking at me to gauge my reaction.

Shit. The shit had well and truly hit the fan now. Tony Vialli was the eldest son of Count Vialli, the head of one of the biggest crime syndicates in Europe. An entire Vampire Mafioso, I’d had dealings with them before but they were pretty much untouchable in terms of arrests, they had the best lawyers and the best protection.

‘It gets worse Boss,’ Nex added

‘How the hell can it get any worse? When the Count finds out that somebody offed his eldest son, all hell is gonna break loose!’ I exclaimed

‘They found some unidentified hairs on his suit, they’ve been identified as Wolf hairs Sarge…’

The bottom dropped out of my stomach, I looked at the gnome and realised now why he had run. He’d seen a Werewolf and a Vampire go at it and he was probably the sole witness of the crime. This was bad though, worse than just a murder of a high profile gangster’s son. This was war; or rather this would start a war. The vamps and the wolves had never gotten along, the werewolves had their own wolf-only criminal empire and the two were in constant competition with one another. There’d been turf disputes and battles for centuries but for the past few hundred years there had been relative peace between the two clans. Now though if it got out that the werewolves had killed Tony Vialli there would be all out gang war on the streets. Regular civilians fantasy or otherwise would be caught in the crossfire. As would we, the D&D. I had to stop it, I had to solve the case and find out what the hell was really going on and I had to be quick before the news got out and the war really began. The gnome looked up at me and with an almost wild fear in his eyes just said;

‘Now you know why I was keeping schtum guv!’