#the number of time where I was a child and that I considered killing myself before entering the earthling exam

[justin-peudeau-reblog]

I would have loved Jesus in his enterity if he didn't bring the eternal suffering in Hell stuff into his story. It just feels soooo tyrannical and imposing. If it wasn't for that, unironically, I would have follow him way more easily.

[scenteddelusion5]

Could you write a Vox x Alastor’s Child? Wherein reader views their fights as a “bonding activity” because it relieves stress for the both of them because they’re not willing to kill each other due to not wanting to hurt reader and they’ll be civil when they need to be. A large chunk of their rivalry being due to Alastor seeing Vox as trying to steal his child from him (making them his partner both romantically & business wise, them becoming an actor) and Vox seeing it the same way with Alastor trying to drag them on random outings when they’re supposed to film or have time together. - @am-i-interrupting

"Two households, both unalike in dignity, In our unsightly hell, where we lay our scene," PART 1

Vox x gn reader (Alastor's child)

Note: At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this one, especially because i had already written a daughter character, already have a daughter oc myself and then would have this child. But then I had this Romeo and Juliet inspo in mind and now I wanted to do it.

!!!!! NOTE ABOUT REQUEST !!!!!

So I really liked the idea of this Vox and Alastor dynamic but I can't write short stories so instead I'm doing a 2 or 3 parter about how they got into this dynamic. So they aren't like how you requested yet.

Word count: 3436

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

"Two households, both unalike in dignity, In our unsightly hell, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where denizen blood makes denizen teeth unclean, From forth the innovation of these two foes, A pair of star-crossed lovers arise,"

Y/n sat on the balcony of their father's mansion. Nothing but trees, or at least hell's version of trees, could be seen from there. The bustling city was ways away from the territory most denizens were too afraid of to enter. The book they were reading was written a small auteur in hell, it was obvious that he had taken great inspiration from a much more famous work. An old-fashioned, cannibal and a modern man, with more savoury tastes, falling in love, their families hate each other yada yada yada. Nothing they hadn't read before.

The demon, whom resembled a deer, put their book down and started messing with the knobs on their older radio. It sprung alive with the voice of their father; Alastor the Radio Demon, feared all throughout hell. On his broadcast played a catchy jazz song that, every once in a while, got interrupted by agonizing screams.

"That was an amazing number." The Radio glowed green as he spoke. "It brings me all the way back to the nights I spend in the speakeasies. Let's continue on-"

Everyday Alastor would broadcast the news and gossip of the week at exactly 10 a.m. and Y/n would always tune in.

"- Oh, and make sure to stay clear of the Carmine mansion this evening. The overlords are having a little get-together. So if you don't want to be served for dinner, I recommend you go home early tonight."

Right, Camilla Carmine was holding a party to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Carmine industries. Y/n was so excited. Normally their father wouldn't let them go to parties, but considering he would be there, he allowed them to go this time.

"Lastly I have a personal message to my favourite fan. I couldn't have wished for a better fawn. I hope you liked the breakfast I cooked especially for you, that demon was a struggle to catch. Hahaha," he laughed, "see you after the broadcast. Let's put on (song), it's not really my style but considering it's your favourite, I can make an exception." Their song slowly came on while Alastor's voice faded.

Y/n hadn't made friends outside of cannibal town. They had to admit they were a bit nervous...

The day went by faster and faster as the night grew closer. Y/n had put on their green gown/suit. It was beautiful; adorned with black lace, a pattern of turns and roses sewn into it.

"What do you think?" Y/n asked while turning around.

Alastor, whose suit didn't look all THAT different from his usual one, studied them up and down. "You look delightful, fawn. Every single demon in that building will see green from jealousy."

"Thanks dad."

Despite the fact that cars were already owned by most citizens in the time Alastor was alive, he preferred to walk, even to such an important event as this. So, when the two off them arrived, they stepped in through a side door instead of the big red carpet where the limousines dropped off guests.

"Remember Y/n, don't talk to people you don't know and if something goes wrong, find me or Rosie." Alastor's antlers started to grow and static filled the air. "I'll destroy however dares to hurt you."

"Don't worry, dad. I'm an adult, I can take care of myself." They laughed off their dad's threatening stature. "But if something happens I can't handle, I'll go to you."

The ballroom was decorated with black gold and white. All kinds of denizens were roaming around, from high standing overlords to imp servants. There were no familiar faces. The only other overlord Y/n had ever met besides Alastor was Rosie. Even so they had immediately split up from Alastor in favour of exploring the buffet table.

After picking up a plate, they started picking the tastiest little snacks. There was even a few dishes with demon in them provided for the cannibals.

Vox had spent four hours making himself presentable in a fancy blue suit and a new screen protector. the other Vees had matched his style. So when the three stepped out of their high-tech car and got bombarded with paparazzi, it was clear that the three belonged together.

It isn't often that they had the chance to converse with other demons of their status. It was the perfect chance to make new connections.

Vox had gotten the chance with a few other demons before it happened. His eyes landed on the most beautiful person Vox had ever seen. Their looks hypnotized the tv-demon... Which was supposed to be HIS power.

"Hey Voxie, you never guess who I saw~... Voxie? Vox... VOX!" No matter how hard Valentino tried, he wasn't able to capture Vox's attention. "What are you looking at?..." Following his colleague's line of sight, Val's eyes landed on them too. "Oooohhh, I see~ Should I go talk to them for you, maybe I can convince them to stay the night in our bed."

Vox slightly buffered. "What! NO! I'm going myself, yeah, I can handle this myself."

Y/n was enjoying a lovely tea sandwich with raw, demon heart on it, when a person they didn't recognize came up to them.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." The man with a tv for a head grabbed their hand and placed a kiss on their hand. "I'm Vox, and you are?"

"Y/n, and it's a pleasure to meet you too," they introduced themselves before shoving another tea sandwich in their mouth.

"You must really like those sandwiches."

Y/n aggressively nodded her head. "YES! Here try one!" they shoved one of them in Vox's face who reluctantly eat it.

"Wow, that's... an unique flavour."

"Yeah, heart does taste very peculiar but I like it."

It put Vox off that the demon had spoken so casually about cannibalism, however, he was even more put off that he was just fed ACTUAL DEMON. So, when they weren't looking, he drank an entire glass of champagne in one go, hoping to wash off the taste.

"Anyway... I was hoping to dance with you." Vox offered out his hand but pulled it away again when he saw the dissapointment in their face.

"I would love too but I don't think my father would be happy to see me dancing with anyone. I'm sorry."

He thought about it for a few seconds. "Y'know I'm quite familiar with this place, there is a smaller ballroom a few doors down. If you want to, you could take me up on the offer there." The overlord suggested.

Normally, Y/n would've never said yes. Going to an empty room with a stranger who must have quite a lot of power. Only an idiot would follow him... Maybe they were a bit of an idiot but Y/n was intrigued by the man, so much so that they decided to go.

"Alright."

Hours went by while the two of them danced, talked and drank in the empty ballroom. Y/n felt themself falling deeper and deeper in love with the handsome stranger. The confident way he spoke, the way he buffered and glitched whenever he got flustered, the way he would get angry when they hurt his pride by laughing at his attempts to woo them. He was perfect.

"Now, tell me Vox. Who exactly are you? Like, I know you your name but you must have been invited for a reason, so...??" Y/n asked.

"You mean you really don't recognize me?" Vox asked flabbergasted. "I'm the CEO of VoxTech." The other demon still looked confused. "The biggest tech company of hell? We release new products almost every single day."

"I'm not big on modern technology, I died during the 1920's," Y/n explained, "I tried using a computer once and it didn't go well."

"Well, that's really no good. As a demon of high society, you should keep up with modern invention, if you ever want the help I don't mind teaching you how to use it." Vox stared at them lovingly. "You know what, I'll even give you a phone. Give your address and I'll send you on-"

"HEY! Vox!" A girl with pink and purple hair walked in. She wore a poofy pink dress and her face was covered in make-up. Her bloodshot red eyes landed on the person standing next to her friend. "Oooeeehhh, and who are you?"

"Velvette, Y/n. Y/n, Velvette." Vox introduced them to each other. "They have been great company tonight, right love?" He caressed the side of their face."

Y/n got redder and redder as the conversation went on. "Yeah, it was great."

"Well, sorry that I gotta burst your bubble." Velvette interrupted the sweet moment between the two. "But the Carmines are about to have their speech and you know how pissy those old fuckers get about shit like this."

Y/n looked at the clock hanging on the wall and realised they had been gone from the party for hours. "Yeah, I should really be going back too. My father is provably worried about me."

The three swiftly made their way back to the main ballroom, Velvette joking about the two lovebirds the whole time.

Once there, they gathered by the crowd standing around a podium. Carmilla was standing there, already holding her speech about the start of her company, the amazing growth and the future. Although a very basic speech, demons were at the fact that the Carmine had mentioned future dealings and couldn't wait for the opportunity to become a part of them. One of them seemed to be the handsome TV Demon that Y/n had hopelessly fallen in love with over the course of the evening.

"Excited I see," Y/n said while pointing to the electricity coming off of Vox, "I'm not sure that a deal with Carmilla is going to happen if you electrocuted her."

"Hey! I'm a great negotiator. Thank you very much!" The man joked.

Alastor had kept his child in his sight the whole evening.... Until he didn’t. They were right over by the buffet table just a second ago. Y/n couldn’t have gone far. So, he went on a search, but after an hour, he found nothing. He even asked Rosie for help but no luck. He had stayed looking until Carmilla started her speech and even then Alastor still kept an eye open for her.

What he never expected to see, was his child, his lovely, well-behaved, miracle of a child, to be joking around with his nemesis. And were they.... Blushing?

Static filled the air around him, symbols floated around his head. The terrifying shadow of his ever-growing antlers made every demon and demoness run out of his way.

Once he got really close he could hear their conversation.

"You're such a dork!" His child laughed.

Alastor could only see their back, but he knew what their smile looked like right now. Unlike his plastered smile that hid his emotions, Y/n's was genuine.

"I'm the dork? Have you se-" Vox's eyes drifted to the strange red symbols, when he noticed Alastor standing there. A small x on his forehead, eyes like dials and his smile wide.

Normally, during their fights Alastor would be somewhat lenient with him. He still roasted Vox to the living world and back but he never outright tried to murder him. This meant that he had never experienced the true wrath of the Radio Demon. But right in that moment, Vox felt like his days were numbered.

"Holy shit," Velvette muttered.

Noticing the two Vees were looking behind them, Y/n turned around and as soon as they did, Alastor switched back to normal like clockwork.

"Oh, hey dad!" Y/n greeted him sweetly. "What are you doing?"

"Oh nothing, little fawn," the Radio Demon spoke, distain clear in his tone of voice, "now tell me, why are you wasting your time conversing with such vermin? Especially, a styleless one like that insecure, copycat, picture box."

Vox was still staring between the two of them. Y/n was Alastor's child! The one the Radio host always talks about, the only thing that freak actually seems to care about. Why did it have to be them the overlord had fallen in love with at that ball?

"You are the Radio Demons child!" The man freaked out.

"I didn't think you would care about that..." Y/n's face turned into a frown, unlike their father’s whose grin only grew wider.

"I-I" The tv started buffering. " I don't..."

"Come one Y/n, let's find someone with more class." Alastor turned around, his child in toe.

"Wow, can't believe you got the hots for that man's child." Velvette quickly snapped a picture of Vox's stunned face and send it to Valentino. You'll never guess what happened. She typed under it.

Y/n looked down at their shoes, not wanting to see their father's victorious grin. "I can't believe you just did that."

"Whatever do you mean, little fawn?"

"You know what," they replied sounding angry this time, "why did you scare away the first real people I made friends with here in hell?!"

Y/n had never had an attitude before, never talked back, never even sounded annoyed. It scared Alastor for a few seconds. "That... Vox isn't the type of person you should make friends with'."

"Isn't that for me to decide?" Tears filled their eyes and their voice was strained. "I want to go home."

Once home, Y/n attempted to rush up the stairs but was stopped by Alastor’s shadow grabbing them by the arm. They were struggling to get away when Alastor cupped their face with his hands and looked suspiciously in their eyes. He was searching for something.

"Let go of me!" Their eyes glowed as they screamed.

When Y/n tried to pull away again, Alastor's grip tightened. "You've never acted like this before. He must have hypnotised you, so be a doll and let me find his spell!"

But no matter how much he searched for even a sign of demonic manipulation. Did Vox not hypnotize them? Then why were they.... Because of Alastor's second of confusion, Y/n could quickly pull away. They rushed up to their room and locked the door.

Alastor just stood there, stunned until a knock came from the door. He straightened his suit before opening it.

"Hi Alastor, I saw you two... Leave and thought you might need a listening-ear." Rosie stepped inside and made her way to the dining room. "Besides I could really use a cup of thee after such a long night."

"You know me too well, Rosie. I'll get some snacks too."

"They've never even raised their voice at me before but one hour with that noisy rectangle and Y/n is acting like a rebelious teen." Alastor took a bite from the index finger snack. "I tried to look for a sign of hypnosis but there was nothing. What did he do to them?"

"Ever thought about it that Vox didn't do anything?" Rosie suggested.

Alastor's pupils turned into dials. "Hmm? What did you just say?"

"Ya have to think about this differently." Rosie took a sip from her tea. "A demon always buried in their books with little to no interaction with the outside world goes out for the first time in years and meets a charming man who's interested in them. It's just like one those romance tropes they always reads about."

The other overlord considered it. "Then what do you suggest we do about it. How can I show them that they deserve much better?"

"First of all, have a conversation with them. A genuine one."

"And then?"

Rosie's smile showed her sharp teeth. "Then-"

Vox was still buffering from that crazy night. He fell in love with ALASTOR'S CHILD, for god's sake. He was connected to his advanced computer, rebooting his systems. Images of Y/n, memories he saved in his files, flashed over the many monitors in his room. The doors to his office opened revealing the other two Vees.

"Damn, Voxie. You've never had to reboot after we've 'hang out' before." Valentino leaned over his colleague's shoulder. "You aren't going to demote me from being your favourite, right?"

"I wouldn't sound so confident Val. Vox was pretty hooked last night, you should've seen him." Velvette pulled up the picture she took. "This photo doesn't do his obsession justice."

"Stop it, Velvette." The TV Demon unplugged himself from the computer set-up. "It's never going to work out anyway. And it's all that shitty, old demon's fault!"

"You really think that?" Velvette asked. "I mean, they looked pretty interested to me... You could always go over to them and explain yourself. Oh and while you're there, try to find a snoop that'll make my drama Sinstagram go viral."

"Voxie doesn't need them. Just stay with me and I'll make you forget them in just five minutes." The moth demon's cigarette smoke formed a heart.

The screen buffered once more. "Get out! The both of you."

"I'll wait in my room." The two Vees made their way out.

Once he was sure they were gone, Vox pulled up another file. Y/n's beautiful face showed on the screen and their addicting laugh filled the room.

Y/n sat against their door, crying. They could see the moon through the balcony window. It's red light filled the room. They couldn't believe their father had reacted like that. And they couldn't get the face Vox made when he released their connection to the Radio Demon out of their head. It plagued their mind since the moment it happened.

Their room seemed so small, so empty, so cold. Nothing had physically changed but mentally, emotionally, everything was different. They got a taste of that beautiful romance and it was taking away from them in the blink of an eye.

Y/n was so deep in their self-pity that they didn't notice the moonlight was blocked by something. They were jolted out of their own thoughts by a knock on the window.

Looking up they saw none other than Vox standing there. His suit was covered in dirt and branches that he got certainly caught in on his way there.

They quickly walked over to open the door, stumbling on their way.

"Y/n, I- uhm, you must find it weird that I show up on you balcony like this." Vox's screen got slightly red. "I wanted to apologize for this evening. I don't care who your father is, I- uhm I care about you."

"Vox, I need you to be honest with me. Did you hypnotize me?"

Y/n's sad look broke his heart. Who got into their head that he hypnotized them?

"Y/n, I didn't and I will never do it." He put his hand on their cheek. "I promise."

Blush decorated their face. "Then can you tell me what's going on between you and my dad?"

"Of course."

The two sat on their bed, cuddling. Vox had told them about everything. The start of their feud, his constant fighting with Alastor but also the fact that he fell in love with them at first sight. It was a lovely, domestic moment.

"One time I got so angry at your dad that I made a complete smear campaign against him. it didn't work out, he completely cut off all my broadcasts, all seventy channels."

"I think he once told me about that," Y/n laughed, "you get more under his skin then you think. Even before he saw he two of us together."

"If you say so..."

Their banter went on for hours. The two did their best to keep sounds to a minimum so Alastor wouldn't find out.

"Oh, before I leave, here." Vox handed them a white box. "it's a phone. I made sure to remove all spying devices and I programmed you a special assistant. It should help you figuring out how it works."

"You put spying devices in people's phones?"

"Uh-I"

"Don't worry, I get it. It's hell. There is no need to explain yourself."

"Right." Vox tried to laugh it off like Y/n was doing. "It's getting late, I should go. Wouldn't want the Radio Demon to know I'm meeting up with his daughter without a chaperone."

This time when Y/n was separated from Vox, they felt fine. Because they knew that he loved them. They were still longing for him, but not in a sad way. It was pure, romantic love.

Part 2

Masterlist/request guidelines

[syn4k]

survivorship bias

During WWII, the United States used survivorship bias to improve their planes. The bullet holes in returning aircraft represented areas where a bomber could take damage and still fly, while bullet-free areas needed reinforcement because planes that got shot in those areas did not come back at all.

Why do you think every single queer person of significant age is so loud and defiant about who they are? Why is the stereotype of a loud queer who makes being gay their entire personality so prevalent? Why do you see them everywhere?

Here is a statistic for you: queer youth in the United States are four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers, with 12% of them making successful attempts. From a study conducted by the Trevor Project in 2022, over a third seriously considered suicide in the past year. That number jumps to 42% for genderqueer youth. 

Take a moment and process that. Fourty two percent. That's almost half. 

For every trans person over 20 you meet breathing on the street, there is another one with one foot already in the grave. 

What I'm saying is that there is a reason that the proud ones are the only ones that remain.

As an at least somewhat visibly genderqueer teenager, a question I get asked a lot is "if you could magically be switched into the body of your target gender with no questions and no repercussions and everyone forgot you were trans at all, would you do it?" They are well-meaning, most of the time. They are curious. They simply want to know. 

My response, every time, is "absolutely not." 

(For some reason, they never expect that answer.) 

I am one of the lucky ones. When I say lucky, I mean beyond blessed and beyond fortunate to have been born into the family I have. My parents are devoted to each other and to raising a child who is going to make it to adulthood one day, and while they may not understand everything, they understand that it is far, far more important to have a kid who is strange alive and happy than it is to have a kid who is miserable and regular and dead. 

You do not get things for free in this world. As hard as we may wish for her, there is no magical fairy that will descend from the sky and instantly change my body to what I hope it will be some day. God knows if that fairy existed we would not have fourty two percent suicide statistics. God knows she'd be a patron saint in her own right. 

But these things take time and these things take money and these things take luck. You have to watch your words when dealing with the fae lest they use your own phrases against you. When I made a plan to get top surgery, my doctor, my mother and I all agreed to tell the insurance company that we were doing it to ease back pain so that they'd agreed to pay for it. These are the things we have to deal with. It's not even too urgent of a procedure for me. I can live with what I am. 

Too many cannot. 

I do not want to be invisible. I do not want to be silent, because silence is what drove my peers to despair and eventually to death. Silence kills. 

I want scars on my chest and two weeks of recovery time and every dirty look from the soccer moms at the pool when I go shirtless. I want to stride into the county court and testify in front of a judge to get a legal name change. I love this body. It is not perfect but it is mine and it is home. 

Silence kills. I want to be loud. I will viciously, visibly love myself and every demonized miscreant for the sake of the quiet ones who are looking for a reason, any reason to stay alive. I will be that reason. I will be a light in the darkness and I will love them as I love myself, as their parents and friends should love them. 

Do you understand? I do not have a choice. I have to survive this world for the sake of my brethren who didn't. 

I hope that one day we do not have to look at bullet holes in planes and razor blade scars on arms to reverse engineer how to survive in a harsh world. I hope that one day we will all wake up and look at the sun shining through the window and think my god, it's beautiful. How lucky I am to be alive. How lucky I am to be here in this moment despite everything. 

I hope we all make it. I hope it gets easier. 

Until then, I will be a beacon for those lost in the darkness. I will persevere. I will show them that it is not all suffering, this, and that it is in fact an altogether beautiful thing that you are here despite and in spite of all the forces leveled against you. 

I am one of the lucky ones who made it. I love this life and this body of mine and I accept every flaw contained wherein because it is infinitely better than the alternative. I choose the pain of living over the pain of oblivion. I choose to stay, imperfect though the location is. I do not have the choice to do anything else. None of us do. 

You only get one life. 

Do not spend it hesitating in the dark. 

[aeonofladys]

Why i believe opal being a kid makes sense

We already know opal is kind of crazy and most likely doesn't use peaceful methods. A way this could have happened is, he was manipulated since a baby by the ipc to believe he is doing good, and doesn't truly understand what he does or who he hurts are actual people, seeing this more like a game.

Additionally, if someone grew up in a place where shedding blood to get what u want is considered normal and perhaps even encouraged, would he truly be able to develop the required empathy and courage to go against the people that he most likely looks up to? Especially if he truly a very young kid, wich is 100 times easier to manipulate.

That way, being manipulated since youth to believe in very worng ideals and not even registering on what he is doing is wrong, he will most likely view this as a silly game to gain praise, approval and money ,wich can get him a lot like physical items, for example toys, but also stuff like respect. It will bot be that hard for him to realise that the more money he has, the more people treat him nicely, because he can be of use to them and has a lot of influence but idk if he will realise the second part.

And of course, for the same exact reason, he won't view lives as actual lives, but more off a number. As said before, he will almost to even zero empathy, and he won't even be able to register that those are actual people he is hurting. He will view them as a stepping stone , or perhaps a way to win the game more easily.

Last but not least, he will start to get bored one day. Kids easily get bored with their toys. And so he will seek more entertainment. Will do even more crazy stuff. Will kill even more people, in different ways, just to give him some entertainment. Or perhaps just to gain a little more praise. Maybe after he has won so many battles, the adults won't give him such heartfelt compliments because they will start to expect it and so beraly give him attention. And what does a kid crave the most? Attention. Especially from the people he looks up to. So he will start to do more crazy stuff, so he could hopefully win faster, so the adults would actually get suprised and give him wayyy more attention.

It would also be very fun to see how he deals with relationships and attachment. Will he seek parental love out of people? Making stuff read bedtime stories to him, and asking them to do basic parental stuff, but once they mess up he will give them a punishment or even kill them because that's the environment he was grown up and his kid-like mind won't even register the fact it isn't the correct way to love? Or will he despise the idea of people looking down at him for being a child? People looking down at him, when they should be looking up, and praise him for all the things he has accomplished! Will he also hate attachment? That's something i am not truly sure of yet. But one thing i do know is that he will get attached without knowing it. Perhaps an additional reason on why he chose aventurine to live is because he has gotten slightly attached to him. Or perhaps because he found him as someone who will bring more entertainment to him. Or perhaps even none of this, and it's truly him wanting to follow diamond's wishes.

All in all, I truly hope he is an actual kid because it will be very fun to see how they will write him. Plus i truly adore the idea that he views everything a game.

I genuinely do believe it kind of fits his character the more i think about it, but maybe i am just self-indulging myself. Please tell me your thoughts!

{Ofc his actions aren't excused tho Imao. I can't wait to learn more about him, and he will most likely be the next stone head we learn about so i cant wait. }

[doublejango]

BLITZY-KUN GIMME YOUR BABIES I WANT THEM

Blitz winced at hearing the nickname. For just a moment, he considered running--if he didn't turn around and look at her, it wouldn't be real, right? But at the same time... Fuck. He'd put her here. He'd done this not just to himself, but to her. He didn't usually give a shit about killing people, it wasn't like he destroyed their souls. But Emberlynn... Goddamn it.

Sure he was going to regret this, he turned around, standing up straight as he summoned a grin.

"First of all, no. I got myself sterilized years ago. I've got exactly one biological child and I ain't lookin' for more. But second..." His bravado faltered and his expression softened. Stepping forward, he offered a hand. "Listen, I've killed a lot of people, and it doesn't usually like, fucking, go down like that. So, hey, I don't know if... you need someplace to stay for a while, or..." He rubbed the back of his head, already sure this was a mistake, but still committed to it. "You didn't even try to save your own life. And that kinda... I think you... you know. Deserve a second chance. To figure out a life where you do want to fight for it.

"So if you uh... I mean obviously you know where I work. And I'm pretty sure you know where I live. And have all of my phone numbers and my email. It's--fucking creepy stalker shit, but at the same time, if you end up needing somewhere to go...

"I got you."

Three reluctant words, but sincere all the same.

[futuremrsdrcullen]

This Love Came Back To Me - Chapter 5

It's Finally Here!!!! I can not apologize enough for how long this took to get out. But here it is! I hope you love it.

Summery- I was completely overwhelmed with this looming dread. This wasn’t just about Bella anymore. Though that was bad enough, this involved me now. Despite how often Edward disregarded my safety and despite how desperately Carlisle tried to protect me from this;

My life was in danger.

It was never going to end was it?

Word Count- 6,235

Warnings- Vampires- and all the things that go along with vampires (blood, biting, age gaps, sparkling, dramatics) a lot more swearing this time. There's some minor injuries and some very minor character death. mentions of vomiting (2 actual vomits, due to injury) Battle, fighting and planning. It's all very happy I promise.

There is no imprinting and there never will be <3

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this! This is finally my third love child. I started writing this on the 27th of July in 2022. I lost hope a few times but it's here and I hope you love it. Thank you, so so much for staying with me.

As always, I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

Masterlist <3 (Ch 3, Ch 4)

I love you <3 Thank you for still being here <3

Carlisle’s Point Of View

The more people we took out, the harder it became. They didn’t see us coming. They were barely trained. Some of them were only children.

Yet, I didn’t hesitate.

Their numbers were dwindling, they had to know then that they were going to lose. I watched as most of them decided to go down fighting but out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow dart back into the trees. In any other circumstance, I might have let her go, but she was heading towards the path that would lead her to Y/n.

I had her pinned to the ground before she made it too far into the trees. I cradled her in my arms, facing her away from me. She was so small. I actually did pause.

“Please!” She sobbed. Though it didn’t sound like she was pleading for her life, I couldn’t bring myself to end her at all after it.

I twisted her out of my arms and launched her into a tree. If she’d run again, I would have stopped her and ended it, but she crumpled in on herself. She was backed into a tree analyzing me too.

“Please,” she said again. “I don’t want to fight.”

She wasn’t begging because she wanted to live; she wanted this to be over. She wanted to die. It caught me off guard, but I stayed ready. “Neither do I, child.”  She was only a child. I wanted to be kind, even if these were her last moments. “We’re only defending ourselves.”

She seemed shocked by this. “We didn’t know,” She explained. “Riley lied. I’m sorry.”

I was truly frozen.

If I could spare her, shouldn’t I try? I didn’t wish this girl any harm, but I had my family to consider. I could accept her surrender, but would they? I wouldn’t put Y/n at risk by bringing her into our home. But she was shaking and she was a child. So I couldn’t kill her. I crouched in front of her. She flinched back.

“I will not harm you. I never wanted to harm any of you.” I said with as much kindness as I could muster. “Will you surrender to us? If you do not try to harm us, we promise I will not harm you.”

She didn’t hesitate. She nodded over and over very quickly. “Yes,” she whispered, “Yes, I surrender. I don’t want to hurt anybody.”

And I believed her. I held out my hand and helped her to her feet. “We’ll go meet with the others now… What is your name?”

“Oh.” She still held on to my hand. “Bree.”

I smiled and nodded. “Bree, let my family regroup for a moment, then we’ll have some questions for you. If you answer them honestly, you have nothing to fear.” I didn’t like threatening her, but I didn’t want her to assume my guard was down. Where Y/n was involved, my guard would never be down.

We talked towards the clearing but Jasper met us before we got too far. 

“Carlisle?” He was just checking on me but as soon as he saw her he was ready to attack.

I held out my hand. I said his name but it sounded more like a warning than I’d met for it to. He stared at me like I’d lost it. For a second, I thought that I had.

“What’s going on?”

“She doesn’t want to fight. She’s surrendered.”

Though he was still hesitant, he did fall back. “I’m sorry, but that’s not possible. We can’t have any of the newborns associated with us when the Volturi come.”

“Jasper, she’s only a child.” I understood where he was coming from, but I couldn’t kill her myself. I trusted him to stand by my choice, at least to that point.

“It’s our family on the line here, Carlisle. We can’t afford to have them think we broke this rule.”

“They won’t. I know how they think. If they assume she’s one of ours, it might be the only chance she has. If they still dislike it, they’ll just kill her to punish us.”

He really thought about that for a moment but wasn’t convinced. “This is too dangerous.”

I took a step towards him and placed my hand on his shoulder. “You know I can’t kill her. I have to give her a chance. She’s just a child.”

He glared at me, but he sighed. I almost smiled at him.

“I don’t like this. At least let me take charge of her. You don’t know how to deal with someone who’s been running wild for so long.”

“Sure.” I smiled at him then. “Though I handled you well enough.” He glared at me again with no actual malice behind it.

“We need to be with the others. Alice said we don’t have long.”

I scanned the sky above the trees to find a distant and familiar plume of smoke. I prayed to whatever would listen that she was okay.

Y/n’s Point Of View

Seth continued to nudge me with his nose until I locked eyes with him. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve. I couldn’t look up for long before the world started spinning again and I had to put my head between my knees.

I could feel the shock setting in. I tried to focus on Seth’s breathing, and Bella and Edward’s hushed conversation, and the crackle of the fire. But when I remembered what was burning, I threw up again.

I heard Seth walk away only to come back a moment later accompanied by the sound of plastic. I opened my eyes just barely as he sat down a bottle of water.

I chuckled, “Thank you.” I wasn’t sure I could make myself drink it, but I was still grateful he’d brought it to me.

Next to it he also set down a set bandage wrap, which I could only guess were for my head. I didn’t exactly know how to dress a head wound, but I figured anything was better than bleeding out. Carlisle could fix it later.

Just as I thought his name, I felt as if I could breathe a bit easier. The fight would have to be over there too. Edward wouldn’t be so calm if it wasn’t, or if someone had been hurt. I knew I was probably in shock but I could breathe a bit easier knowing it was over- really and truly over.

I took a small sip of the water he brought me. It was so cold it hurt my teeth but it was still warmer than the snow. When it didn’t immediately hurt my stomach I took another, larger sip. That was all I could handle.

As I put the cap back on- Seth’s body went rigid and he sharply turned to Edward.

“What’s she doing?” Edward asked and Seth whined. I could only tear my eyes from them for a second to find Bella, who was horror struck. Everything passed in slow motion. She didn't look like she was breathing. Edward dropped to his knees. Seth howled, though it sounded more like a scream. It was so loud and broken, my ears were ringing.

“Edward! Edward,” Bella sounded so distant though she was still in the same spot just kneeling in front of Edward. From the pain in his face I knew it was bad.

I tried to sit up- to move closer but I was still bleeding and I didn’t want to make things worse. Seth winced and howled again. It took everything in me not to call out to them.

“What’s happening?”

“We’re fine, we’re going to be okay,” Edward gasped. “Sam- Help him.”

Something like relief washed over me. It wasn’t relief, but he was using the pack plural, which meant Carlisle was safe and the danger wasn’t here. I wasn’t relieved because the agony on Edward’s face meant that something had happened to Jacob.

Bella either hadn’t caught on to that part or her panic was masked by the shock. She had started to melt. Edward easily caught her. While supporting Bella at his side, he moved towards me.

I tried to get his attention. “I’m bleeding…”

“It’s okay, Y/n” He held up a hand like he was trying to assure me. “It’s okay.”

I nodded and he looked at my head wound for a brief second before wrapping it. “Carlisle will need to clean it, but you might not need stitches.”

I had to close my eyes as he wrapped my head. He pulled it tight. It almost hurt. I didn’t say anything more.

“Seth!” Edward shouted. I hoped nothing had gotten worse. “No! You go straight home. Now. As fast as you can!”

Seth cried soft and low. My chest tightened.

“Seth, Trust me. I’ve got them.”

Them, I thought. He was going to carry both of us. I opened my eyes wide. The wolf starred Edward down for one second longer before taking off.

“Edward?” I forced his name out. “What’s-”

“I need you to hold on. Can you do that?” I didn’t know if I could. “Y/n, I have to carry Bella. I need you to hold on to me.”

I was terrified, I was weak, but for Bella, I could do this. I nodded.

He tried to smile at me. “Good. We’ll be with Carlisle soon.” That was a comfort, at least.

Before I knew what was happening I was on his back. I was grateful that I couldn’t choke him, because I used all of my remaining strength to wrap my arms around his neck and hold on. I hid my face in his shoulder so I wouldn’t see the world zoom past us.

“Edward,” Her voice sounded so broken I thought she actually did know something had happened to Jacob. “What happened, Edward? What happened to Sam? Where are we going? What’s happening?”

“We have to go back to the clearing,”  His voice was distant. “There was always a chance, but when it became clear we passed the message to Seth and Sam. The Volturi decided it was time to intercede.”

If they were coming, they’d seek out all of us. It was better not to make it a challenge for them. The last thing we wanted at this point was another fight. As Edward explained it to Bella she made a strange sound. I wondered what she was putting together.

He tried to soothe her, “It’s all going to be fine. Alice can see that.”

“The pack?”

“They had to leave quickly. The Volturi do not honor truce with werewolves.”

I knew he was running out of places to divert her questions. She was going to put together that Jacob was hurt. She wouldn’t take it well. He hadn’t taken it well. My heart broke for them.

She got desperate. She begged him to tell her. I almost told her myself but he finally explained it all in hushed tones. “The pack missed a single newborn. It was over, they were cleaning up. Alice couldn’t have seen…”

“What happened?!” She tried again. 

“Leah got cocky. I imagine she was trying to prove something to Sam. She went after him by herself.”

“Leah,” she repeated, sounding relieved. I hoped he couldn’t hear the way it broke my heart. “Is she going to be okay?”

“Leah wasn’t hurt” He forced the words out.

He told her we were almost to the clearing. I risked a glance at the clear sky. When I saw the smoke I felt sick and hid my face again.

She asked him again to tell her who was hurt. It took him a long time to answer. I knew it hurt him just as much to say it. But she needed to know, if she hadn’t figured it out already.

“Jacob,” He said.

“Of course.” It was all forced.Then it was silent.

I think she passed out. I almost thought to check, but I could tell we were still moving and I could still smell the smoke from before, So I kept my eyes squeezed closed. We’d slowed significantly anyway. I hoped it was almost over.

As soon as I thought the words though, we did stop. And before I could react I was being pulled off of Edwards back and into Carlisle's arms.

He breathed my name. It was so light I almost missed it. I buried my face in his chest. He held me there until he noticed my bandage- or he smelled the blood, I couldn’t be sure.

“You’re hurt.”

“Only a little. Edward said it might not need stitches…” My voice was cracked and broken.

He kissed my forehead and gave me a firm look, “I will look at it when we are home.” though his eyes said he wouldn’t let me down play this.

He didn’t let go of my hand and he led me over to where Edward had set Bella down.

Edward confirmed my earlier suspicions. “She fainted after I told her about him.” He didn’t need to specify, the pain in his face said it all. “She’s still unresponsive.”

“She’s going to wake up in a moment, Edward.” Alice called from somewhere. I couldn’t tell where.

At the same time, Carlisle assured him, “It’s just the shock. I imagine they’ll both have to recover from it tonight.”

I wanted to lie and say I was alright. I wanted them to focus on her, but I remembered the way he looked at me just a moment before and thought better of it. Carlisle held Bella’s wrist and checked his watch.

Once he’d assured Edward again that there was no cause for concern, I asked them “How’s Jacob.”

I regretted it as soon as I saw Edward's face. Through Jacob and the pack's thoughts I knew he had felt his pain, but there was something more than pain there.

“He’ll fully recover.” He was answering my question while comforting his son. Edward’s shoulders relaxed a bit.

I grabbed Bella’s hand. “Did you hear that, Love? Carlisle said he’s going to be okay.” Her hand tightened in mine. 

Alice confirmed that Bella could probably hear us. 

“We’re out of danger now. We’re safe.” I tried. There was a break in my voice.

Edward tried telling her again that Jacob is healing already and he and Carlisle would go check on his progress as soon as they could. She could barely whisper Edward's name when she opened her eyes. She asked again if Jacob was okay.

“I examined him myself,” Carlisle confirmed. She took in every word he said. I smiled encouragingly at him. “His life is not in any danger. It will take a few days for him to be completely recovered- his injuries were… extensive. But he will recover. Sam and Paul got to him quickly. They took him home so they could help him recover. Once he phases back and we're done here, I’ll be able to do a full assessment.”

“He’ll be back to normal?” She asked Edward this time.

He nodded, “Yes, Bella. He won’t have any permanent damage.” She didn’t look convinced. She looked like she wanted to run and check on him herself, but Alice announced that we only had three minutes until the Volturi arrived.

It never felt like there was enough time. 

We got Bella on her feet, albeit mostly supported by Edward. Carlisle and I moved to the middle of our family. He looked towards the opposite side of the clearing. I wondered if they could see them yet.

Though my thoughts were interrupted by a shrill scream that came for a small girl I hadn’t noticed Jasper was guarding. Carlisle left my side for a moment to aid Jasper. I just watched in stunned silence.

“She surrendered,” Edward told me and Bella. “Only Carlisle would think of offering. Jasper doesn’t approve.”

I couldn’t say that I did either, not with Bell this close to her, but she was just a girl. Of course Carlisle would offer. She barely looked 16. He was patient when he spoke with her. He reminded her that our family wouldn’t hurt her.

She wanted Bella, of course. She hadn’t even noticed me. I was grateful again for my relative invisibility.

“Self control is possible and it is the only thing that will save you now.” He continued.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell her to hold on and that it would get easier, but it was better that she didn’t notice me. And I didn’t want to give her false hope.

I had to look away from her as Carlisle returned to me. He took my hand and kissed my temple. He was positioned in front of me. Alice was in between me and Bella and Edward was just in front of Bella. The rest of our family formed a united front around us. Only Jasper stayed back to guard the girl- or to guard us from her.

I shuddered.

I almost felt safe, but there was still something dark looming over us. I could hardly stand the silence by the time a group of people in gray cloaks appeared on the other side of the fire.

“Hmm”

Though my knowledge of vampires outside of the Cullens was limited to Riley and Victoria and now this newborn, I could tell this Jane girl was powerful. I knew enough about her to fear her even before I saw her. The men behind her weren’t as intimidating, but I knew better than to underestimate any of them.

Edward welcomed her and she pushed the hood off of her head. In one fluid motion the others did too. It was eerie the way they moved in sync with each other.

“I don’t understand.” Her voice was like a song while utterly uninterested. Her eyes were locked on the girl.

“She surrendered.” Edward said again.

“She was never given a choice, I thought, if she ceased her attack on our family, the right thing to do would be to give her a chance.” Carlisle explained.

“That is irrelevant,” Jane pressed.

He was tense, but unsurprised. “I understand.”

“Well I must say,” she seemed annoyed. “I never expected you to be able to clean this up, and walk away unharmed. How many made it here? With the destruction I’d think about thirty?”

“There were eighteen, including the girl. All of them were untrained.” He answered.

“All newborns? Who created them?”

“Her name was Victoria.” Edward answered  this time he nodded towards the pillar of smoke up the mountain. It looked much farther away than I would have thought possible. 

“I am to assume you took care of her then, Edward?” 

“I did. And the boy she was with.” His tone was harsher than hers. Where she sounded bored, he sounded irritated.

“Hmm, twenty. I’m impressed.” I followed her eyes as he looked at the girl by Jasper. “You there… Your name.” 

Jane smiled at the girl and I couldn’t take my eyes off her face. Before she could answer, she was writhing on the ground. Her screams were the only answer she gave. I looked at Carlisle who only winced, then to Bella for some kind of answer as to what was going on. She looked equally remorseful. Then it was quiet.

“Your name,” Jane repeated.

“Bree,” the girl gasped.

Jane’s smile grew and Bree screamed again. I pulled closer into Carlise’s shoulder- his grip tightened on my hand. I wondered if he’d tell me what was happening later. I wondered if I even wanted to know.

Bree explained what she could remember, after she was able to stop screaming. She agreed that there were around twenty of them, that Riley had ‘trained’ them to look for me and Bella. It was the first time she looked at me, but she wasn’t as crazed as she was before.

“But why? What did this Riley want with these humans?” Jane was almost confused, beyond her amusement.

“He said that the yellow-eyed vampires would kill us if they knew we existed. He said it was only a matter of time before they tracked us down and all he wanted was to live in peace. He said it would be an easy fight, and once we’d won we could keep their prizes for ourselves.” Her words made my skin crawl. “But he said our minds weren’t safe. He said we couldn’t know who created us and we couldn’t know any plans because once we did they could use it to destroy us.”

“It looks like Riley was wrong about the easy part,” Jane added.

Bree nodded. I was grateful whatever Jane was doing to her had stopped so she could speak. “Everything happened so quickly. Riley never came with us. I didn’t want to fight. That one” she nodded towards where Carlisle and I stood. I looked at the snow below our shoes, trying to fade into the background. “said they wouldn’t hurt me if I stopped fighting.”

“Ah but that wasn’t his to offer, young one.” Her voice was gentle. It was still unnerving. “Again I’ll admit that I’m rather impressed. The odds were stacked against you and yet here you all stand, unscathed. Though, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised Bella and Y/n are at the center of this.” I hated the way she said our names- like she was just trying to prove they knew them. 

“Victoria held a grudge against Bella,” Edward said in lieu of an actual explanation.

She laughed like she understood anyway. “They do seem to bring out the wildest reactions of our kind. Her gaze met mine and I completely froze. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Y/n. Aro will be quite disappointed he didn’t get the chance.”

“You’ll have to give him our regards.” Carlisle said.

“Of course.” Jane smiled at him. This time my grip tightened on his hand. “He gave me specific instructions not to harm your human pets this time. But that does remind me, Caius will be very interested when he learns that they are still in fact human. Perhaps he’ll decide to visit.”

“The date is set,” Alice told Jane. That was news to me, but I tried to hide my surprise. I knew it wasn’t exactly true for me, but I couldn’t be sure about Bella. Maybe they had set a date. Maybe they were just exaggerating the truth. I tried not to think about it.

Jane’s smile faded  just slightly, but her eye never left Carlisle. “It was nice to meet you as well, Carlisle- I’d thought Aro was exaggerating. Well, until we meet again.”

I was so lost by her comment, but Carlisle nodded.

She sounded bored again. “Take care of that, Felix… I want to go home.”

“Don’t watch,” Edward whispered. Carlisle pulled me into him so I was facing away. It didn’t stop me from gasping when I heard him break her apart. I held my breath again when the new smoke hit my nose.

When I looked around again, Jane and the others were gone.

Edward took Bella off of her feet again before she could collapse. She curled into him but didn’t say anything. Alice went with them to the house while the others agreed to make sure everything was cleared up. 

Carlisle watched after them for a long moment before asking me if I thought I could make it home without passing out.

I wasn’t certain but I nodded anyway. He told me it would probably be best to keep my eyes closed.

He carried me the entire way home. I was immensely grateful just to be in his arms. I couldn't tell how bad I was shaking. I wouldn't have been able to walk home if I tried, not that he would have let me, anyway.

When we got to our home, Alice and Bella went to Alice's room to get Bella cleaned up. Edward went to Carlisle's office to gather medical supplies while Carlisle looked over my head. Edwards original assessment had been right, I didn't need stitches, but Carlisle still wanted to clean it and keep an eye on my symptoms. 

“You definitely have a concussion.” He made me follow his flashlight with my eyes again. “But it doesn't seem to be getting worse. I don't suspect there is any internal bleeding.”

He kissed me over and over. He promised me it was really and truly over. He promised he would return home quickly- that he just had to check on Jacob, he had to reset his bones. Even I winced at that but I couldn't remember the last time I'd spoken.

He helped me lay out on the couch with my feet propped up by multiple pillows. “Just in case,” I nodded. “Rosalie will be here to check on you in a bit,” I nodded. “Stay like this for as long as you can manage.” I nodded one more time. 

He dropped a blanket over me; It smelled like him. I smiled softly at him. He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead.

“I love you, Y/n” I nodded, he chuckled.

Just a minute later, Edward came downstairs and all of the pain on his face broke my heart. I found a little courage and said his name. 

He froze, Carlisle froze too. They both looked at me. My voice was shallow but I spoke as clear as I could, “It doesn't have to be this hard, Edward.”

“I-” He tried.

I didn't let him. “No, just listen.” It was hard to speak, but I had to say it since it seemed no one else would. “It doesn't have to be either or. You don't have to choose. Neither does Bella. It doesn't have to be this cheesy vampire vs werewolf cliche. You can choose to just be happy.”

This time he looked out the window, towards the woods. My eyes filled with tears. He let my words sink in.

“Just don't close any doors. And don't let them close any doors. Let yourselves be happy.”

He nodded once, mumbled a thanks, then left.

Carlisle watched after him for a moment. I caught his attention and said, “I'll have about a million questions when you get back.” 

“I'm sure you will.”

I whispered, “I love you.” He smiled softly at me before following his son.

I layed there in silence content with just letting the time pass when Rosalie got home. She sighed and sat on the floor in front of me. 

“Thank you, Y/n.” Her voice was clear and perfect. “Get some rest.” 

I didn’t sleep. I don’t think I could have if I tried, but I let my eyes close and just breathed.

Carlisle came home a few hours later. He helped me sit up, while keeping the blanket around my shoulders. He checked my eyes with his flashlight, and once he was satisfied with my condition he helped me to my feet.

It was then and only then that I was allowed to do normal human things. I drank water, had a snack, and went to the bathroom. All completely mundane things and yet it didn’t feel real. I couldn’t believe it was real. I wondered what everyone else was doing- how they were coping.

Carlisle was watching me as I stared out the window above the sink. Even though he had told me a hundred times before, I had to ask, “It’s really over?”

He softened and stepped closer to me. “It is.”

“Hmm…” was all I managed. I ran the water over the plate I used in the sink. I just watched it run. It was normal, despite the fact that it didn’t feel normal at all. After a while he delicately reached around me and shut off the water. 

I watched the last few drops as they fell. He held my chin between his finger and thumb and turned my face towards him. I could tell he was checking my pupils. It made me laugh. He smiled too.

“Can we go to bed now?” I asked in between giggles.

He checked his watch, like he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Then he nodded, “I think that’s a good idea.”

I laughed even more  when he lifted me into his arms and carried me to our room. We laid in our bed facing each other, absorbing the familiar feeling of home that surrounded us. I was again covered in the heavy blanket from before, though now it was mostly between us. 

“I think I'm okay.” I whispered.

“You don't have to be…” he whispered in response. “No one expects you to be okay right now.”

“I know.” And I did. I had been through a lot- we'd all been through so much, and at that very moment, we were okay.

I woke the next morning to the sun coming through the trees- really warm sun, filling the room with light and dancing off his skin. I stretched. He kissed my temple just below the bandage.

“How are you feeling this morning, Cara?” His voice was soft and I could tell he was assessing me again. 

“Alive.” I answered, honestly. I couldn't tell much, but I was alive. I smiled at him and kissed him. He melted into me. He kissed me back, but it wasn't as passionate as we normally were. I think he was still afraid I was breakable, worried he'd hurt me. I tried to prove him wrong by kissing him harder.

And I think it worked because when I parted my lips, he deepened the kiss. He still followed my lead, but he pushed his hand into my hair and pulled me closer to him. I could have stayed there all day- could have kissed him until the sun sunk back down below the trees, but my thoughts circled back to the day before.

“I have questions.” I reminded him.

He chuckled and gave me space to sit up. “Please ask away.”

I didn't think he could have been fully prepared, but I tried to start easy. “Is Aro in love with you?” His mouth fell open, I reworded my question so it wasn’t completely unhinged. “It’s just the way they all talk about him, and your time with him. It feels like there’s history there. And yesterday Jane was all ‘I thought Aro was exaggerating’ and I don’t even know what that could mean-”

“If I’m being honest, I don’t either. Aro has always been… infatuated with me. I wouldn’t call it love, but he- he’s always had an obsession with things he didn’t understand. Or, in my case, things he couldn’t control.

“When I found them, I was at a very low point in my new life, but I had one consistent habit he couldn’t train out. He tried several ways to get me to break, but I never did. He was obsessed, it went on for years, I left before it could really break him. To answer your question, history, yes. Love, no.”

I nodded, slowly taking in what he had said. “He wants Alice and Edward… Shouldn’t we be worried that he’ll want you too?”

“He wants Alice and Edward for their powers. I am not gifted in a way that would benefit him in the long run. If he had any remaining interest in me, It would just be to keep me as a pet.” The thoughts I had at his words were wild, I kept them to myself for his sake.

“Slight… topic shift. The girl yesterday, Bree…” I saw the discomfort on his face, I wouldn’t press the topic too much. I knew he had just wanted to save her. But my question wasn’t about his choices on the battlefield. “When Jane looked at her and she started screaming… What was happening?” I still wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but the words were out before I could think better of them.

“Jane is gifted. Though her talents are more harmful than those in our family. She can manipulate someone’s mind to inflict terrible pain.” Even he winced as he said it.

“And she was specifically told not to use that… power on me and Bella?” As grateful as I was for the order, I didn’t understand it.

“That surprised me too. Her gifts don’t work on Bella-”

“Like Edward can’t read her mind?” I asked.

He nodded. “Neither can Aro. She seems more or less immune to any of our gifts that affect her mind. Jane doesn’t actually harm you, it just makes you think you’re in pain.”

I had to weigh his words in my head. “And you think that her powers would work on me?”

“There’s no way to be certain, but I think Aro asked her not to try just in case, to keep a bit of peace between us.”

“I don’t think I get it though…” I laid back, dramatically. My questions just begged more questions. I was tired again already. “What’s the difference?”

“Bella has always been safe inside her own head, whereas you seem more physically safe from us. Jasper's powers work for Bella, but not for you. He physically manipulates the emotions of people around him, but he can’t with you. Alice see’s how people's decisions affect the path they’re on, but she can’t see your decisions, just how they influence other peoples.

“It’s just a theory, but it will be interesting to see how it develops. If you both become vampires, you both may have your own gifts to add to our family.”

That flowed perfectly into my next question. “Alice said the date was set?”

He ran a soothing hand down my arm. “Most of that was embellished, but Bella decided that it could wait a few more months. Through me, she has seen flashes of you as a vampire, but it’s never set in stone. I believe they’re working on forming a more solid plan for Bella since-”

Cutting him off, I heard Alice’s delighted scream all the way from our room. The sound made me sit up right. The world spun a little as alarms sounded off in my head. Carlisle sat forward slowly, wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my shoulder.

“It’s alright, Dove.” He chuckled, “Alice is just excited because Bella is letting her plan her wedding.”

“Wedding?” His words didn’t help my panic much. I checked the date on my phone, suddenly afraid that I’d slept much longer than I thought. “What did I miss?”

He laughed, “They kept a good secret. Edward asked a while ago, but Bella only agreed the night before the fight. Bella has apparently decided this morning to allow Alice full planning privileges.”

“Oh…”

“Everythings fine.” He assured me.

“Oh.” I said again, still processing.

“There’s coffee downstairs.” He grinned at me and pushed my hair behind my ear.

“Thank god.” I didn’t have the energy to ask more questions anyway.

We didn’t hurry downstairs. I didn’t hurry to make my coffee. I kept getting distracted by kissing him. He was more than happy to oblige.

We were still in the kitchen by the time Alice was leading Bella through the house and towards her room. She was already talking about fabrics and designers. Bella waved sheepishly at me as they drifted up the stairs. I laughed and turned to face Carlisle.

“She already has a dress?”

“She’s very excited.” He passed me my coffee and I took a long drink. It was warm and it helped in ways I didn’t know I needed. I took another sip. “I’m sure Alice will let you help plan. If you wanted.”

I held up my hands “I’m good! Alice has it handled, I’m sure.”

He laughed, “She does. Though you might be the only one who can rein her in if she goes too far. Bella’s tastes are a bit more subtle than Alice’s…”

That made me laugh. “Just a bit.” I agreed. “Our dad is going to freak.” I took another sip of my coffee.

“You could probably help there too.” He smirked and I rolled my eyes, though I knew he was probably right. “That is, if you support them.”

I was caught off guard and a little confused. “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t given your opinion on their marriage.” He clarified. “In fact, you’ve never really shared your opinion on marriage at all.”

I guess I hadn’t really considered it. “Oh… I’ve never really been around marriages to form an opinion.” I told him. “I’m not against it- like my dad might be. And I do think they’re quite young… but I guess… When you know, you know.” I smiled at him and his eyes lit up.

He was on me in half a second, holding me to him and pressed against the counter. My hands were in his hair. Where he was delicate this morning, he now burned with passion.

I completely melted. Only to be interrupted again by Alice.

“Y/n!” She was suddenly in the kitchen with us, but unphased by the state of us. “You have to go with me to Seattle! We have to get dresses made!”

Carlisle braced his forehead on my shoulder and I threw my head back laughing.

Taglist!

@jakanddexter67 @a-not-so-poetic-poet @bridge597 @cestlavie03 @gaymazinglula @short-potato @jennyamanda8 @daisydreamingsims @arg888cam

[candyskiez]

I've said it before and I've said it again: the way people treat people who were raped was just as traumatizing to me as being raped itself, if not more. Teaching people that this horrible event defines them and is a Sensitive Subject that can never be brought up and can never be shown in anything and is "too much" does an impact, shockingly. Seeing everyone attack sa survivors and accuse them of lying and having everyone think you're just trying to ruin someone's life does a number on you. Having no autonomy whatsoever over what legal forces do about it does a number on you. I'd argue that everyone suddenly finding out about me being raped because I finally worked up the courage to tell someone and she snitched and it completely blowing up my personal life was just as traumatizing to me as being assaulted, lol. It gave me way more trust issues and I can't talk about my trauma with my friends anymore 👍. No one ever asked what someone Did to me when I tell them I was emotionally abused, though I don't doubt that it happens, but my mom asked "with WHAT" when I told her my grandma raped me. Which, by the way, is a really fucked up way to respond to someone confessing they got raped and if you do it they're allowed to kill you. I don't care if you're confused. If they say they were raped, they were raped.

When you say you were raped, everyone becomes so so suspicious of every word you say. Everyone practically grades you on whether or not your circumstance was Enough to be considered rape or if you're being honest. Because people are so deadset on rape being completely divorced from any other kind of crime, like it's not just another form of violence. So if you say "this person raped me" they hear "so you think this person is Satan and Pure Evil. But they're nice to ME, so clearly you're lying!"

Just because someone's nice to you doesn't mean they aren't fully capable of doing something absolutely horrible to someone else. You making rape into some mythical thing that only happens in one set extreme circumstance and can never happen to anyone else isn't helping and is in fact actually hurting people. My rapist is apparently very nice to most people. I don't think she was attracted to me in the slightest. She saw me getting into a situation where she believed I was putting myself at risk of assault or being preyed upon, so she "showed me" what would happen if I didn't stop. It had nothing to do with attraction. I explain why she did it because you need to understand that by deciding only a very specific type of person with a specific motive could do something, you predispose yourself to not believing victims of people outside of that specific image. Kill the image of what a rapist looks like in your head. Kill the image of what a "good victim" looks like in your head. I was incredibly unstable and unpleasant after being assaulted because I'd just gotten fucking assaulted and was in denial of it. I'm still trying to become a better person. Often the sweet nice person is the rapist and the "weird crazy person" is being abused.

It's also important to know motives for rape because. Surprise surprise, you are not immune to being a rapist. You are not immune to traumatizing someone via sex. You are not immune to abusing someone sexually. Rapists don't wake up and go "time to traumatize a child!" and pretending they do actively harms victims. People didn't believe me because they couldn't conceive of someone as kind as my grandma raping me, even though she abused me on a daily basis. You need to be aware of people's boundaries and mental states during sex. Including if you're submissive, btw.

This is getting into a tangent, sorry. Is this a vent? This might be a vent. I dunno. You can reblog this if you want, but keep in mind this was written when I was kind of emotional so it might not be the most polished or account for Every Single Way it can be misinterpreted. Think before you argue, please. I probably do not mean the worst thing you can think of.

[travelingparties]

11 Grasping

Prev | Next

*(Solo TTRPG Journaling based on Wanderhome by @jdragsky)*

*text under readmore in case you can't read my tiny handwriting*

Today, the girl and I set out on our journey. I woke her up before sunrise, to make our escape before the city became full of life. Too many dangers.

She’s afraid, I can tell.

I found an old map among my things to take with us, it should prove useful. If I’m correct, it’ll take us a little less than a day to make it to the next town over, where we can stop for the night. I’ve also broken into my savings jar in order to hire a local peddler to act as a caravan, at least for now. It’s easier than traveling on foot. I fear, though, that I may need to find odd jobs to do in each city we stay in, in order to keep paying for his services.

His name is Tiberius and, while I do not consider myself a cruel sort, he is particularly ugly, inside and out. Most peddlers tend to be; obsessed with their wares and their coin and their numbers. He is a unique sort, though. One of those cats with no fur, who has to overcompensate by wearing pounds of bumble wool. The girl keeps asking him where his fur went.

I am urging her to stay silent, but it is difficult with Tiberius around. He refuses to cease his endless yapping. He asks about me, and her, and where her parents are, and why we hired him, and for how long… I have half a mind to steal his beetle myself and kick him out of the caravan, but I remain silently seething.

If there is one piece of good to come out of his inability to not speak, it’s that song he keeps humming. The girl seemed fascinated by it, tapping her fingers to the beat. When he noticed, he asked her if she would like to learn it and she said yes. It’s an old aria, he explained, from his ancestors, passed down through generations. I think that sounds like a load of hogwash, peddlers have a tendency to make nice lies, but the girl loved the story and the song. It’s the first time I’ve seen her smile since I met her.

I decided to start calling her Aria. Maybe, if she can smile along and believe in Tiberius, perhaps I should start trying to believe in her as well.

I always did want to name my daughter Aria, but the chance always passed me by.

We’ve arrived in town, now. And we’ll be staying here for two days before taking off again. I have the money for two nights in the inn, but I’ll need to find work in order to pay Tiberius for passage to the next town. Though, if I can find my own wagon, I might not mind leaving him behind.

It’s been a long time since I stepped foot into this town. I attended university here, once, when I was still young and hopeful. Perhaps it’s the one thing that saved me from Her wrath all those years ago. I wonder if any of my old mentors are still here. It would be nice to see at least one familiar face.

Finding work was difficult. The markets are always full of vendors, but none willing to hire for a day's work. Aria seems overwhelmed by the noise. I nearly had a heart attack when I realized she had run off somewhere. Tiberius found her by a pen of rather impressive bumbles for sale, petting them gently. I had to apologize to the owner. I don’t know how to punish a child that could kill me.

The local shrine was a bust as well. Aria found old food offerings, ones that had already gone bad, and couldn’t help herself. I snapped at her and now I feel guilty. Does she even know who she is? Do I?

I’ll buy her a nice meal tonight to apologize, but I worry our funds are dwindling. We’ve barely even started our journey and it could be over by tomorrow night. Tiberius finally took pity and offered me a job. A small delivery job to the university. The teachers there purchase a fresh order of textbooks every semester. He said he’d give us free passage to the next town if we delivered them for him tomorrow.

I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to keep this up, but I’m going to keep up my optimism and hope that we’ll make it through.

[shaymcsudonim]

Fuck it

Rambling Essay on Sir Pentious and Alastor as Narrative Foils 

Okay so, as a Christian myself, I like to apply the Jack Saint Test when analyzing stories about heaven, hell, and the afterlife. 

The original version of Mr. Saint’s test goes thus: whenever a story involves talking animals, it is either a story about animals, a thinly veiled story about humans, or a work that sends mixed messages and muddies its metaphors.  

For example, Shark Tale is a story about people. If all the characters were replaced with humans, the story would still make sense, as an odd couple buddy film about lying to the mafia (possibly a cannibal mafia, but I’ve seen weirder).  

Whereas something like Bambi would be difficult to transpose onto humans without a number of questions being raised. Such as why a hunter is killing a human mother, why the kid matures to an adult over the course of a single year, etc.  

And I’d say that the Land Before Time movies sent mixed messages and confused the hell out of me as a child. Anything where both the predators and prey were sapient and morally neutral freaked me out, tbh. 

Anyway, the religious version of the Jack Saint Test would be phrased thus: stories which involve heaven, hell, and the afterlife are either stories about Religion, stories about Morality, or stories using a particular Aesthetic. 

The Chronicles of Narnia are stories about Religion, specifically Christianity, complete with Lion Jesus and Bird Satan. Even if C.S. Lewis was using allegory, he was trying to convey information that was true in his worldview. 

The Good Place is a story about Morality. It doesn’t care in the slightest about what the afterlife might actually look like, or even if one exists. It merely uses the framework as a method for taking the audience along for a philosophic ride about the true nature of good and evil. 

Mairimashita! Iruma Kun is a story which uses religion as an aesthetic. It uses hell as a backdrop for an isekai story about making a found family out of demons. Superb, 10/10 would cry again. Not much to do with real-world religion, but it has some interesting notes on xeno-psychology, specifically on how morality might develop in sapient extremophiles.  

Hazbin Hotel straddles the line between Aesthetics and Morality. Specifically about judgment, punishment, and redemption, taking place in heaven and hell as conceived by pop culture. 

So yeah, St Peter as a blond white guy, demons being able to buy and sell souls like in Faust, or redemption being something possible to earn—none of those bother me, because this is clearly a story about the way that humans judge other humans in our mortal lives. It’s a modern myth, and a character-driven one at that. 

That being said, I am certainly grateful that they seem to be taking the veggietales route, and are trying to avoid depicting Furry Jesus, or God the Furry. It is an interesting detail that though ‘God’ and ‘Jesus Christ’ are used as expletives in-universe, Charlie mentions neither in her opening monologue in episode 1, she even avoids mentioning God by saying that the angels worship ‘good.’ 

Honestly, there might not be a God in this universe, and that would be a fascinating choice from a worldbuilding perspective. Although they might simply be going with the ‘clockwork creator’ route, since the angels were the ones who created Adam, Eve, and Lillith. 

Jesus not being mentioned in a story about redemption is kind of weird. Obviously, Charlie is the Christ-figure of the story. Or Anti-Christ figure as the case may be. But if the crucifixion happened, why is forgiveness a foreign concept to the angels? If it didn’t, why is ‘Jesus Christ’ a swear in universe? Is it a myth? A plot hole? 

As I said, the Doylist explanation is very obviously that they’re trying to avoid stirring up too much controversy (in the first season, at least). But considering the Watsonian one is a fascinating thought exercise. (“In 10,000 years you’re the first to change this town”? If there was a resurrection, it did nothing to change hell? I will just throw that thought into the corner and ignore it). 

Anyway, moving on from what the story didn’t say, what it did have to say is fascinating. 

Other people have already pointed out that comparing Hazbin Hotel to Helluva Boss, the Sinners seem to sink deeper into evil than the Hellborn, comparing Rosie to Beelzebub, Valentino to Asmodeus, and Alastor to Lucifer. 

And yeah, that’s a fair point. The angels and demons mostly just seem to be Normal Guys, doing their best. They have the expectation of living possibly forever unless killed, so they seem to place a greater value on stability of personality (most of them, at least). Whereas many of the humans died at the rock bottom of a self-destructive spiral and then continued to dig themselves deeper as demons. 

But the two characters I find most fascinating to compare are Alastor and Sir Pentious. I was not expecting those two to be foils, and was delighted at the contrast. 

I’m Ace myself, and I’m very used to the less ‘fuckable’ characters getting shoved into ‘redemption equals death,’ so I was feeling pretty cynical when Pentious’ ship got vaporized. Especially when Alastor had already survived.  

And then I thought, ‘wait, there was no narrative need for both of them to face death going up against Adam, not unless the story was making a point about it.’  

And then I started noticing more similarities. 

Even in the pilot, the two of them clashed, with Alastor considering Sir Pentious to be beneath his notice until the other demon ripped his coat. 

In terms of similarities, both are ambitious, with Alastor desiring power and freedom, and Pentious longing for recognition and accomplishment.  

Both make deals in pursuit of power. Alastor gathering the souls of those with less power than he has, and Pentious spying for Vox and building war machines for conquest. 

Their strengths and weaknesses, however, are different. Alastor is cold and competent, but allergic to trust and sincerity. Pentious is creative and sincere, though hot-blooded and pompous. 

Now, the series is far from over, but in the first season at least, it was humility that saved Pentious and pride that damned Alastor. 

Pentious is a buffoon. He’s not charismatic, at least not at first, but he’s not afraid to put his whole heart into anything he’s doing. He fails as a spy, fails as a paramour, fails as a hero. But he didn’t fail as a friend. 

 Alastor succeeds at infiltrating the Hotel and gaining Charlie’s regard, as well as a very literal favor from Hell’s Princess. He succeeds as an overlord. He succeeds in surviving his fight with Adam. 

But he failed to redeem himself. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, “I acknowledge that you are my friends, but I won’t die for you,” is huge progress. If Alastor didn’t want to be redeemed, he should have killed Charlie before she adopted him. She will never give up on him now, and Alastor is already as good as doomed.  

...saved, I meant saved.  

Ahem. 

But—see, here’s the thing. 

Alastor was so CLOSE. 

Alastor the manipulator, the dealmaker, hedged his bets and took steps towards obtaining what he wants more than anything else right now: freedom and power. That’s what all his scheming and plotting is aiming for.  

But he’s only working towards it. He doesn’t have anything to show for it yet. 

Sir Pentious, pure of heart, dumb of ass, gave his life for his friends, the ultimate act of love. (“Greater love hath no man than this: that he give up his life for his friends.”) 

And do you know what Sir Pentious has now? 

Power and Freedom.  

He’s quite possibly a Seraph, so he might even be third in heaven’s hierarchy? Certainly, Emily was thrilled to meet him, and the more sincere heaven-born and the heaven-bound humans will no doubt flock to support him in any efforts he makes to save his friends. 

(I wouldn’t be shocked if the egg boys have been spawning as stupid but well-intentioned cherubs for years now, so he might very well have friends already. If nothing else, I’m hoping that Dazzle makes it to heaven.) 

It’s just, after I had already separated this story from Christianity in my head, it hits me with a quite literal version of, “He who seeks to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” (Not that Pentious literally died for Jesus, but “whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me.” Emotionally, it resonates the same.) 

So yeah, Hazbin Hotel sometimes blends Aesthetic, Morality, and Religion, somewhat muddying the metaphorical water in the process. 

But mostly, it’s still a character-driven myth. 

And I’m looking forward to season 2. 

[bunny-j3st3r]

Archie sonic comic #5

Woooo weeee now I finished one of my bigger projects I can return to the torture that is these comics.

reminder that as much as I dislike archie sonic I am going to attempt to post as many positive as I do negative comments, these are just me logging my thoughts as I go through ALL of the comics because I like to torture myself.

Issue number 5 was released in Dec of 1993, just in time for parents to buy this issue as a last minute christmas gift to shove in there kids stocking when there kid had been begging for the sonic game for christmas. This was what they meant right?

We open up to Tails watching his succesful sonic clones in fascination. Soon he will have a fully operational baseball team. He can only pray there DNA holds together, the last clone ended up in a pod in some underground prison somewhere.

On a somewhat fitting storyline considering the olympic games recently. I do wonder if Robotnik holds a paralympics version by rendering the competeors disabled himself.

forcing you all to look at sonic's hand feet. I hate how they look like they can grip around a can of beans.

Robotnik would do numbers as a discord mod

And with sonic's nasty ass sneakers returned to him he kicks up a stink cloud, confusing this poor helpless robot who was rightfully winning.

Sonic is a cheat and a meance and I want that bitch turned into a robot.

We open with the obvious haha silly spoiled woman, she can not cook joke :) (I am joking please pl-)

comic cancelled this ant is the coolest fucking character in the series

Is it really a secret when you get your amazon prime, sorry robotzon prime packages delivered? Are the robots aware? Do they have a PO box? Or does robotnik just ignore there address like "I want to kill them fairly, doxing them is just evil."

who works at archie and is drawing buff and sexy termites, I just wanna talk.

Oh real funny.

Whoever drew this, I know what you are.

And our muscle growth bara termite is stopped by a womans cooking, point and laugh everyone. Point at how the princess can not cook.

vibes of running a discord server and having a popular tumblr blog

Another foul sin of gluttony committed by the hog.

But don't worry were in ken penders era soon, the sin will become lust.

I always assumed Sally was a chipmunk.

Where the fuck her tail?

A small child shows interest in the robots that dr robotnik creates only be told to get fucked by sonic the hedgehog.

That child grew up to be be Dr Starline.

FIRST < PREV < NEXT >

[eretzyisrael]

When my daughter was 12, a teacher asked her to debate the following motion: Is Zionism racism?

The invitation was made during a Year 8 citizenship lesson on democracy. Pupils were asked to give examples of democratic countries and when Leah offered Israel as an example, the teacher shook her head. Even at the tender age of 12, my daughter sensed this as an attack on the Jews’ nation state and, flustered, she said something back. Unmoved, her teacher took her on: “OK, let’s debate this properly,” she said.

Two years later my daughter was walking to an English lesson with her friends Mumtaz and Sara* when the words, “Viva, Viva Palestina!” rang out in the corridor. The girls looked up and to Leah’s horror and Mumtaz and Sara’s delight, they saw their maths teacher walking towards them, his thumbs cocked up in approval. What was he so pleased about? The slogan on Sara’s T-shirt: “Free Gaza.”

Earlier this month, the JC reported that the number of Jewish children attending Jewish faith schools in Britain is set to reach 40,000 by 2025. For a community that at the last census numbered 271,000, this is an astonishing figure. Even more surprising when you consider it is nearly eight times more than in the 1950s, despite the decline in Britain’s Jewish population over the same period.

According to a new report from the Institute for Jewish Policy Research, the main reason a growing number of Jews send their kids to Jewish faith schools is to develop their sense of Jewish identity. Eight in ten parents give this as their reason. Six in ten say it is so their offspring will make friends with kids with similar values.

But only two in ten choose a Jewish education because they are worried about antisemitism, and this surprises me. When it was time to select a secondary for Leah’s younger brother, the possibility that he might encounter the antisemitism his sister had experienced was the reason I opted for a Jewish school.

But it still wasn’t an easy decision. I had to wrestle with myself. I do not have to be convinced of the arguments for local schools. They are good for communities, for stitching together the fabric of the nation.

When, in 2012, I sent Leah to our local mainstream secondary, a school where you can count the number of Jewish pupils on the fingers of one hand, it was with these thoughts in mind. But six years later, my theory had parted company with my feelings. I had, in the words of the Jewish writer Irving Kristol, been mugged by reality.

During her time at secondary school, Leah experienced antisemitism in all its variations. Religious: you killed Christ and think you’re God’s chosen people. Racial: how come you haven’t got a big nose? Economic: Jews are rich. Political: Israel is racist.

Generally, the black and white working-class kids spouted the religious and racial racism; the Muslim and middle-class pupils peddled the political prejudice; and everyone agreed that Jews were loaded.

But unpleasant as it all was, Leah never felt her classmates were trying to hurt her. Their words came from a place of ignorance rather than malice. Whenever she said, “You can’t say that, and here’s why”, they listened and mostly accepted they were simply parroting things they had heard.

With the staff, it was a different story. In my experience, teachers don’t generally like backing down, or being corrected by a child — and my child tried to do just that.

The second half of Leah’s secondary education coincided with the Corbyn years and most of the teachers at her London school openly supported the former Labour leader in the classroom and on social media. He wasn’t the school’s local MP, but right up until the last general election, when stories about Labour’s antisemitism problem were an almost daily news event, Corbyn was still being invited to talk.

But for her teachers, one of whom had the Palestinian flag as his Facebook profile picture, if you didn’t support Corbyn you were a Tory and to be a Tory was to be scum. Corbyn was the victim of a witch-hunt, of unfair media coverage, they said.

It wasn’t the easiest environment in which to be a Jewish student (who doesn’t vote Tory), but outspoken, well-read and vocal about antisemitism, Leah fought the good fight and I imagine it irked her teachers.

Is this why, I have wondered, her initial A-level predictions were good, but not quite good enough, and I had to fight hard to get them raised to A*A*A, the grades Leah actually got in the summer of 2019? Is this why the school omitted to mention my daughter’s stellar A-levels, the best arts results in her year, when it announced the grades of its top-performing students?

I shall never know for sure, but the whole experience wasn’t one I wanted to risk repeating. Which is why in two years’ time, when 40,000 Jewish children are predicted to attend Jewish schools in this country, my son will remain one of them. *All names have been changed

[wuxiaphoenix]

On Characters: Knowledge of Fragility

Warning for the sobering and rambly topic, it’s what came to mind.... Have your characters faced serious consequences before the story starts? Have they been up-close and personal with situations of serious injury, major illness, or death?

It makes a difference to the way you portray the character. What risks they’re willing to take. What they will avoid like the plague. What’s their baseline approach to life; what do they consider a good day, a bad day, or just eh? Someone insults your intelligence and professionalism? Bad day. Someone was on fire and you put them out? Good day.

...Well, usually. Depends on who they were and why they were on fire. Someone who’s stared into that abyss may have definite opinions on certain people they’d just as soon see no longer breathing. Or to quote Samuel Johnson, “I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read many an obituary with pleasure.”

Side note, this is one reason I avoid writing child characters. I can put myself in a lot of odd mindsets, but not “nothing permanently bad will ever happen to me”.

So. If something permanent has happened to your character, how do you write them?

There’s as many different reactions as there are people. But here’s a rule of thumb: Is it something that happened to your character? Or something that someone else did to them?

The first - like earthquakes, hurricanes, wildfires - may have your character just habitually being more careful, if that will help. If it won’t... they may be raging and/or despairing at the unfairness of the universe.

The second will lead to rage and despair at a person in specific. And possibly, people in general.

It doesn’t have to be loud and obvious rage or despair. In fact, it often isn’t. A shadow in the eyes. A flash of shorter temper. Words chosen carefully, where others would say whatever entered their heads. Those are the kinds of marks left by the desperate fury of knowing someone’s deliberate evil or stupid thoughtless ego did you irreparable harm.

And if it’s happened once, it can happen again. Always.

Not trusting the universe is a reasonable and moderately healthy reaction. The universe doesn’t care about you personally, and can wipe you out like an elephant stepping on an ant. Not trusting your fellow human beings, though, can be... problematic. Perfectly understandable, and in some cases even the only sane reaction; if people who won’t hurt you might give info on your plans or location to someone who will, then no, you can’t trust anybody. It’s not a healthy way to live, but raw survival generally beats out emotional wellbeing on the priorities list.

Can characters grow past despair and rage? Sure. But it takes time, and some degree of safety.

One of the interesting ways of achieving safety is learning how to manage danger. You fell? Learn to climb and parkour. Got attacked by a tiger? Study big cat behavior. (They like boxes! Big boxes!) Had your life mangled beyond recognition by a sociopath or narcissist? Find out about red flags, and watch for them like your life depends on it. It does.

(Look for The Smirk. If you’re in doubt, if you have to know - watch for a situation in which they got away with something, they hurt someone, and they know it. The Smirk is unmistakable. If you need a fictional example, check Azula from AtLA. Not Zuko. He sometimes has a nasty smile, but he does not have the Smirk.)

And what about Door Number Three scenarios, where it’s not a person or the universe exactly that swatted your character? Things like cancer, autoimmune, various genetic hiccups that don’t quite kill you? Or at least, not yet.

Well. That can give you a particularly fey character, even an Anti-Nihilist. As they say, if in the end nothing you do matters... then all that matters is what you do. And some of us kind of want to slay the dragon....

[scottxlogan]

Scogan/Scott Summers Comic Recs (Part 2)

Since I write way too much I’m going to put these in here for the anon who asked and link it back because I say way too much. That being said the continuation of my earlier recs are under the cut:

Avengers vs X-Men For the most part I consider this event a dumpster fire where they dumbed down every character to make their plan work...only it didn't. It was as if Marvel decided that it was time to make Scott a top villain in the Marvel Universe. They tried and failed completely in doing so, but they also pretty much ignored characterizations and friendships with EVERYONE in the comic to push the whole hero vs hero crap. It is not my favorite, but a lot of what happens after this event kind of shapes a lot of the talks, etc. after the event. Spoiler Alert (Don't read if you don't want to know): Basically the Phoenix Force is coming to earth again, Steve Rogers (who has been friends with Scott for a while now and trusts Scott's opinion on a lot of things) decides not to reach out to Scott for advice on the potential problem first even though he KNOWS Scott is an expert on the Phoenix and instead listens to Scott's bitter, jaded ex lover who is angry Scott didn't beg him to stay at the end of Schism or chase him in his need for space...er, I mean his ex-teammate Wolverine who has an obvious chip on his shoulder. Steve gets council from Logan, not taking Logan's bitterness into consideration and goes to the island where Scott's X-Men live and starts making some ridiculous demands of Scott. A fight breaks out after that, the teams act like idiots fighting each other instead of working together, I found myself taking two plus years to like Steve again after this event (which I swear I really do. I like Steve a lot now but was so angry with him for not using his brain and common sense in having a rational discussion with Scott before all the stupidity followed). The fighting leads to more drama. Tony comes up with a plan to stop the Phoenix Force from destroying the world. It fails. The Phoenix Force gets split into 5 and Scott, Emma, Namor, Magik and Colossus end up getting pieces of it. They all slowly get corrupted by it except for Scott, who is the last one to hold onto it. Namor does some really bad stuff to Wakanda (yet T'Challa forgives him and hates on his wife Storm, who had no part of it and treats her really bad, which I have to say here thank you to Chadwick Boseman for making me love T'Challa because after AvX I was really angry with him in the comics for how he treated Storm) and Namor is later welcomed back into the fold with open arms. Flash forward to Scott and Emma being the only ones with Phoenix powers. Emma gets corrupted. The entire Marvel hero roster decides to attack Scott who takes Emma's piece of the PF, becomes ultra powerful and is then attacked by everyone including Charles, who has systematically abused the poor kid since the beginning (i.e. erasing his memories, training him to be a child soldier, etc.). Scott kills Charles in self defense (which I'm sorry but it was) and then everyone in the universe hates him, acts like he's the worst villain ever and puts him in a corrupt prison where mutants are being tortured/murdered and somehow Steve is okay with that (yeah okay :rolling eyes:) but basically this crap show ends with Charles dying and Scott being enemy number one for defending himself against an attack. Before he was attacked his big 'power display' was you know feeding the hungry, bringing water back to rivers that ran dry and helping people, but Charles and the others decided he shouldn't be playing God like that and decide to attack him, which you know totally makes sense and then Charles dies and suddenly Scott's the worst person alive...oh the rage it still ignites in me lol. This was the motivation for Hank in All New X-Men to bring the teens back to the future to in my opinion torture teen Scott because his jerk self didn't get the chance to do it to adult Scott, who no longer lets Hank's hypocrisy tear him down, but yeah...lol It's a rough read and one I really didn't enjoy at all, but it dictates the next few years of Scott's a fugitive of the law, etc. Oh and at the end of the day through all that was happening Scott was doing what he did because his son Cable told him not to trust the Avengers and that Hope (Scott's granddaughter) would be the one to save them since Wanda (in a grief episode) pretty much wiped out the mutant population and Scott was struggling to save his people. Big stakes, high risk and guess what...Hope and Wanda did save them and found a way to use the PF to bring about new mutants into the world, but sigh...so much wrong with this one but it's such a big part of their stuff that followed though most of us want to forget.

Avengers vs X-Men Consequences This was a mini that really explored the aftermath of the dumpster fire mentioned above. There's a lot about it that makes you angry, but also gives you thought towards what could come next. Scott's goal for so long was saving the world and now that he has and he was right and did what he was hoping to do, he's in jail accepting his fate ready to die (note: there's some suicidal triggers/depression there and at one point he tries to goad Logan into murdering him instead of dying at the hands of the sadistic prison guards. It's all very poignant and heart breaking and damn...it totally kills you on so many levels). There's also a bit where Scott and Tony work together to figure out what went wrong in Tony's plan, which I'll be honest that was probably my favorite part with Scott and Tony working together in prison. In prison bad stuff happens, Scott finds a purpose in his life and he works towards saving mutants again. It's still flawed, but has some stuff worth seeing. Wolverine and the X-Men Vol. 1 #40 A lot of people liked Jason Aaron’s series about Logan. I didn’t, but I did like the one issue where the guys team up together, fight some sentinels and drink some beer together. It’s a good moment for them where there are shades of them coming together again down the road. Death of Wolverine: Life after Logan: This is a mini with people responding to Logan dying. Scott’s tribute to Logan is heartbreaking and really cements their deep bond in the push and pull between them through the years. Uncanny X-Men (2018-2019) Start with #11. Scott is back and trying to save his people. This is the comic that got me back into buying comics again. It doesn’t have the most solid of endings, but it brings Scott/Logan back to working together and gives some great stuff where they are reunited and picking up where they left off with one another. You can feel the shades of love and concern for each other, but most of all, it was a great lead in to them building up to them being together in the poly ship with Jean. Granted Marvel likes to ignore the Scott/Logan dynamic but this comic has a domestic vibe with them even with their bickering and all else. It was good and made my Scogan loving heart so happy to see them together again lol. X-Men (Hickman’s run) The comic run before the current X-Men comic was a nice introduction to life in Krakoa and gave a few moments here and there with Scott/Logan. There were little things along the way but it was nice to see them allowing Scott/Logan to be together even with Jean involved. It was nice. Now the only time you really see them together is in other comics where they aren’t the main focus, but it’s clear they are together which is great. So yeah those are a few to get you started. I hope this helps at least a little bit and doesn’t confuse you. If you have any comic questions, on where to look at them, etc. please feel free to drop me a note and I’ll guide you in the right direction. My archive has a lot of featured comic moments and I tried to put issues/comic names on them when I was posting them for a while, so I hope that helps. Thanks for your great ask and hopefully I haven’t talked you out of researching the comics and exploring lol.

[weebsinstash]

“Ann Veritas”

“Brad Lunaris”

Those names lmao 💀

No but deadass some of these stories have me ready to just start straight up mocking them in homestuck syntax because it genuinely feels like the author didn't take 5 seconds to start reading things out-loud to doublecheck how stupid it sounds

"My name is ISABELLA and I am an OMEGA of the HOWLERS PACK. I am only FIFTEEN YEARS OLD and it was been OVER 20 HOURS since I have slept, I have been WORKING ALL DAY to cook and clean for the pack, ALL BY MYSELF. My skin is just SO PALE and I'm just SO THIN that I am EASILY ONE OF THE UGLIEST GIRLS IN THE PACK. Every day I am BEATEN UP, sometimes for NO REASON, but I do not mind, because TODAY is my 16TH BIRTHDAY and it is the day I am supposed to meet MY FATED MATE."

Like genuinely I think if you were to ask me the worst story I've read, it would be hard to tell you because some of them are either excessively cheesy, the narrators mispronounce words, the grammar is awful, or the plot is just BAD. Like I feel like Back & Better is probably up near the top for the worst one just because of the entire premise "yeah you were bullied until the point you literally attempted suicide but your mate is your bully and he as well as two other men all force their mate bond on you which is basically rape and you fall in love with all 3 of them and for some reason they're notoriously famous Doms despite being seniors in high school which sounds like it should be illegal actually"

Like im just going to bitch about that again. I don't really consider myself a slut shamer moreso, if you have certain attitudes around sex, that's a red flag for me, and sorry, being 18 year olds who are notorious Doms at actual sex clubs? At 18? I think my genuine first reaction would be "were you molested or something, this is genuinely very gross and bizarre". Like no offense that gives me "I need you to get tested before I so much as swap spit with you" energy.

Actually this reminds me of a concept I've been playing with off and on. So imagine we have Reader who is either a late bloomer werewolf or a human, but either way was not raised in a pack, knows nothing about wolves, and during a road trip or vacation or something you bump into the Alpha of a pack and it's like, oh hey, he's actually like, really powerful and strong and not exactly ancient by werewolf standards but like maybe he's even a couple hundred years old. And he's been waiting for his precious mate this entire time and its you and he already adores you more than life itself 🥺

And imagine he's kind of this quiet hardened leader, dedicated and wise but by no means like old or incompetent. He's the leader of a strong pack, despite never meeting his mate. And for some of these audiobooks, there's a concept where the strength of the Alpha is the strength of the pack itself, and well... imagine if it is by no means unusual that you're walking around, trying to see what could potentially be your new home, and every so often you notice, "hey there's actually a decent number of pregnant women in this community" and you find out that, because the Alpha didn't have his mate for all these years, one of the ways he was bolstering pack strength and numbers was by breeding with females from his pack, not even out of love either, just procreation for strong future pups

Like "hello fated mate who I love ever so dearly, you don't mind that I've slept with most of the women in this pack at some point right? You've met several of my children already but that's OK because you and I will be having plenty of pups" like actually no thank you sir, fated mate or not I would kill myself before living in, like, essentially a village where my husband has slept and fathered children with most of the unmated women above a certain ranking, like. No lmao? Like imagine you're still trying to get to know him and a woman comes up in tears and just slaps him, "so now that you've found your mate you're just going to abandon me and our children?! I LOVE YOU, you bastard!" Like i think that'd put him in a bad light so fucking fast

Imagine if that Alpha Luna mate bond/strength of the Alpha and Luna is the packs strength bullshit is so strong that you're literally not when hooking up with the Alpha yet havent so much as pecked him on the cheek and several mated wolves have suddenly become pregnant after years of trying, like, the pack literally blessed by your presence, they're all so happy, they want you to stay, and of course this is when you find out you absolutely hate a ton of how werewolves live

Like lmao I was brainstorming ideas and I actually accidentally made myself shaking angry at the concept of like, imagine if you've been trying to get to know the pack and the Alpha while gently correcting people "hey don't call me Luna I'm new here and you know, who knows if I'm even staying" and at some point you find out the. Um. Extremely questionable ways they raise their children. You see a bunch of kids violently bullying one of the weaker and smaller children for being an Omega. You see children having to run self defense drills to be able to protect themselves and their pack but treated like trash if they underperformed. Imagine you see a higher ranked wolf just wailing on a kid during a training fight to the point it becomes a beating with the adult genuinely hurting the child as a punishment for failure and you go to tell the Alpha and he's like "yeah thats normal? Our kind can't afford weakness"

The fated day comes when you see a teenager have a smart mouth with your supposed-to-be future husband and challenging his authority and your beloved mate just raises a hand and backhands this kid as easy as breathing air and starts off on a tirade about how it isn't the child's place to question the authority of his Alpha, that hes expected to obey amd nothing more. Imagine the pack's shock when you stroll up to the strongest member of their community, "if strength and violence is how you solve all of your problems, what do you think of this" before slapping him as hard as you can if not beginning to try and fight him outright before someone else has to pry you off because he doesn't even defend himself from you

The Alpha standing there while you start ranting in his face about "is this supposed to be strength? Hitting children? Picking on those weaker than you? Am I supposed to be impressed you're an adult man who can't control his temper and responds with violence? Am I supposed to want to live in a community where people think this is ok?"

Like imagine being the Alpha and you're in the middle of disciplining some disrespectful pup, asserting your authority like you always have, after all you're the main protector and leader of this pack and it's important your authority is revered, and all of a sudden you can sense your mate and you look over and she's just got a hand clenching the shirt over her stomach with tears spilling down her face while she looks at you like you're an absolute monster and you realize with horror that she just made the decision that she's never going to have children with you, let alone let you be her husband

Like imagine you're just bawling your eyes out trying to go back to the room where you have your things because you're IMMEDIATELY convinced to leave, you can't be here, you can't get pregnant here, you can't bring a child into this, let alone with a man who thinks this is ok in a community that supports this, and you're trying to gather all your clothes together while absolutely sobbing because, this was supposed to mean EVERYTHING! this was supposed to be YOUR SOUL MATE. And it's ruined! And the Alpha is just listening to you pour your heart out and (try) to reject him and you've got your little bag of clothes in your hand and you go to leave and he's just there in the doorway and just. Steps out into the hall and, click! Locks you in.

Like all I'm thinking of is how in The Silent Alpha the Moon Goddess mentions fixing people up when she thinks they balance each other out so it's "her plan" for you to mellow him out a bit while he's your strong protector (since you're just so Emotional and Weak UWU) and it just leads to you basically getting worn down until you're practically just a possession of his, having your own small authority as pack Luna but you're mostly just "oh his sweet little precious mate you're so small and cute 😍 " and God forbid if you're a human and you refuse to let him turn you, he'll probably just do it anyways, unless he likes the idea of you staying human or like, werewolfism isn't contagious in this story. Who knows maybe you'll even get extra super unlucky and Moon Goddess will give you some sort of magical power that the werewolves have extra reason to want to keep you for ;)

[theblondeskywalker]

Hermann Hesse: Demian - The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth

Genre: bildungsroman Publication date: 1919 Number of pages: 176

A few months ago I decided to start the classics. Not all of them though, just the ones I find appealing enough to read. I explored Demian by accident, and it wasn't Hesse's name that sold me the book; it was this quote on the back.

"Genuine communion - said Demian - is a beautiful thing. But what we see flourishing everywhere is nothing of the kind. The real spirit will come from the knowledge that separate individuals have of one another and for a time it will transform the world. The community spirit at present is only a manifestation of the herd instinct. Men fly into each other's arms because they are afraid of each other - the owners are for themselves, the workers for themselves, the scholars for themselves! And why are they afraid? You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself. People are afraid because they have never owned up to themselves. A whole society composed of men afraid of the unknown within them! They all sense that the rules they live by are no longer valid, that they live according to archaic laws - neither their religion nor their morality is in any way suited to the needs of the present. For a hundred years or more Europe has done nothing but study and build factories! They know exactly how many ounches of power it takes to kill a man but they don't know how to pray to God, they don't even know how to be happy for a single contented hour."

The author's pseudonym was Emil Sinclair, and even though he mentions some parts were inspired by his youth, it cannot be considered as an autobiography.

We follow Sinclair's path to adulthood, but this process is only important from a "spiritual" point of view. The novel doesn't contain many conversations but somehow, in this case it's not bothering - almost like reading a well-written diary. And now I'd grab the opportunity to tell one of the novel's greatest qualities: more than 100 years old, but its language is easy to understand.

Demian's topic is timeless as well. No one captured the loss of child innocence the way Hesse did. The way he shows the "two world" in young Emil's life: one of them is pure, inherently good and safe (his family home) and the other one represents the outside world, full of cruelty and evil. Then a life changing moment happens that ends Sinclair's idealistic bubble - and it taints him too.

The second protagonist is Demian, who's -strictly by the rules- not a protagonist at all, but leaves a life longing mark on Emil. Demian doesn't appear much but when he does, it's important and I was always waiting for him to come back. Hesse gives us a lot of him without ever seeing his point of view, and you can sense his presence even if Demian is physically not there.

We face questions through Sinclair like what holds a society together? What's my own personal path? What's my goal in life, even if I see nothing in front of me? How long the things I've done will affect me? What's faith - if I have one at all? All this with an appearance of Christianity, Nietzsche's agnosticism and Freud's sexualpsychology. However, it's not the author's intention to give crystal clear answers to these questions. It's something you have to find out on your own.

Even I'd recommend it for everyone, this novel is mostly for the outsiders. Maybe it grew close to me because I'm one of them myself, and I feel like my deepest thoughts were put into words. Whenever Sinclair tries to fit in, he fails. He becomes depressed and for decades he couldn't find out why.

The main message of Demian is that we have to learn on our own what's good or bad; and to find out where we belong is often a long and painful experience. But it will eventually led us to our purpose, which is a true gift - considering that majority denies themselves and blends into the crowd.

Overall rate: 10/10

[e-lisard]

Soooo I just went looking for someone else doing the Motivation Experiment and you seem to be the only active person except Zac... I like your rule of which WIP to write for! My question is for SCAL-- why 13? In a meta sense, that is. Why did you have the pivotal age for Near be 13?

Hi hi! Thanks! I thought it would be a smart way to keep myself from getting burnout from only working on one WIP the entire time. (Never mind the fact that I rarely answer asks anyway because I keep forgetting, but shhhhh.) Also thanks for the ask!

At first, I chose 13 because, well, a lot of people consider it an unlucky number. So one of the worst things in Near's life happening on his 13th birthday just made sense.

When I started worldbuilding I decided I also wanted a 'pre-adult' sort of period, kind of like our teens. And when thinking about it, I thought 13 would be a pretty good number. You're young, but not too young. It's the kind of age where you start to grow into yourself - at least, from what I've noticed.

That tied together to make 13 the perfect timing, because Near becoming a 'pre-adult' would also be the perfect time for his mother to tell him that they're actually Hallows. You wouldn't tell it to a child, but you also don't want to wait until someone is an adult.

And so in one life she was killed right on the day she wanted to tell him, and in the other life, she got to tell him. Which really makes his 13th birthday something for him.

-

For this ask I wrote 128 words for SCAL, putting my motivation experiment total at 776 words.