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dragoncookies · 1 year ago

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(PT 2) STELLARLUNE ANALYZATION: Chapters 3-5

(foreword) This is a series where I go through each chapter of Stellarlune and dissect it for y’all. I bring up things you might have missed, the importance of what is said and what happens in each chapter, how it might relate to the book as a whole or how it might relate to the series as a whole. This book might seem boring and useless, but when you look at it, it’s really just a book that steps back and reflects on the whole series. It’s like the series is taking a refreshing deep breath and putting everything from the past together, so it can go and deliver a WILDLY wonderful ending. All I can say is that the book gets way sweeter on the second read, and it might be too early to say, but my guess is that it’ll age finer than wine.

(excuse my grammar/spelling mistakes)

Chapters 3-5:

I’ll be honest, these chapters were a little sluggish, but at the same time...it was interesting to read about Gisela and Cassius lore. I’ll say why later in this post, but It was dark and creepy and tense; well written. There’s also a bunch of notable tid-bits in these scenes from Cassius’s memory and just what he has to say. He’s not a useless character or a 2d character, that’s for sure. Lets dive in, shall we?

SUMMARIES:

(because I forget too)

Ch 3 summary: Sophie shows up at Cassius’s house and they banter for a bit after Sophie tells him that Keefe ran away. Sophie originally went there to get Cassius’s pathfinder so she could look for Keefe in the Forbidden cities, but Cassius tells her he’s working on another assignment from the Black Swan that has to do with the trollish treaty and such after what happened at Everglen (in flashback). He also has a memory he recovered that Lady Gisela tried to wipe from his mind, so Sophie agreed to watch it.

Ch 4 summary: Sophie and Cassius watching the memory

Ch 5 summary: Sophie and Cassius banter about the following→ Cassius’s parenting, whether or not Sophie should keep looking for Keefe (she shouldn’t) or if letting Gisela finish the final step of Stellarlune on Keefe is a good idea.

Ch 3:

Sophie REALLY hates Cassius. Like, the Cassius slander is HEAVY throughout this chapter. She just gotta quip at his behavior for every reason.

One thing that is made strikingly clear by Sophie’s conversations with Cassius is how emotionally driven she is, especially when compared to Cassius’s almost purely objective approach to things. They’re almost foils of each other, in this sense.

Also, the dialogue in the first few pages of this chapter is lowkey entertaining, even from Ro.

“’If Keefe had come home with me-’

‘he would’ve run off even faster,’ Ro finished for him. ‘Probably would’ve left a Keefe shaped hole in one of these walls.’” (page 36).

Haha funny for no reason. Anyways.

Ro is REALLY given an actual purpose (as are a shocking majority of the characters) as I continue to reread through stellarlune. As much as I cannot stand how nosy and obnoxious Ro can be, her background has a whole chunk of the dialogue in this chapter. I will have far more to say on Ro’s character when we get to the part where she actually leaves later on so stay tuned for that.

Now, with Lord Cassius here, we have been shown an important revelation on the current state of political affairs in the Lost Cities, and a reminder that the Black Swan is a little bigger than we thought. It makes me curious as to what other things go on behind the scenes in the Black Swan.

Also: Sophie said she really does hate secrets. Why did sophie say she hates secrets when her wanting privacy is literally the whole point of conflict between her and Fitz for the entire previous book and the rest of Stellarlune???? Smh.

The troll treaty negotiations are stalled at the moment!!!! Empress Pernille has closed the borders and doesn’t want the elves messing with them atm, basically. This means there MIGHT be more mutant trolls. Wild. The trolls want to be isolated from everyone…which is kind of what the neverseen wants if we’re being honest…scary.

One question: Why does the black swan want to protect the councilors from being overthrown if there’s so much emphasis on how the councilors are flawed? What is the point?

CH4:

This is where I notice things really start to get interesting in this book.

I love when Shannon describes telepathy. Like all the “swooping and spinning” and “sinking into warmth” and describing the mind like a room makes me imagine Sophie and everyone else as little glowing people in the mind, navigating the endless maze. She describes it so vividly, its so fun to imagine being Sophie when she gets blasted by wind or goes on a rollercoaster-esc loop, or goes somewhere small and quiet, or just somewhere blue. Like that is so cool, who goes ahead describes a mind like that? And every mind in the series is different too. It's just so cool. Anyways. Back to Gisela and Cassius lore.

This chapter really makes you think about Cassius’s and Gisela’s relationship. Its important to understand, since Gisela is like a main villain giving her character depth (like what her relationship with Cassius was exactly like) makes her feel like a REAL person, more like us. Which makes her scarier.

This scene is where Gisela throws away her act of just wanting Keefe to be strong to make her and Cassius look good.

Man, from the first read, it really seems like Shannon is trying to redeem Cassius with this memory. “gosh Shannon, please don’t redeem Cassius…please stop trying to redeem him”, but it’s less “poor Cassius” and more we just get to understand Cassius, because what I get out of this is that Cassius really loved Gisela, and Gisela was just using him to have a strong baby (which is sort of like the entire flaw of matchmaking…hmmm…). Like when Gisela starts explaining all these wack things she’s doing, he’s just completely shocked. Like she really flat out told him that his role was done, and he’d already provided his DNA so she didn’t need him anymore. No wonder Cassius said the memory was personal, I would be HEARTBROKEN. He’s not the best, but maybe there’s a reason he’s so cold…

If you hadn’t before, you REALLY start to see how creepy Gisela is, too. At the end of this chapter, Gisela just drugs him, and as his world slowly fades to black she whispers “don't fight it, it’ll all be over soon enough” (paraphrasing page 57). Damn she's creepy. Just, her carelessly messing with Cassius’s heart for her own gain, and doing painful horrible things to herself, to Cassius and to their relationship...she’s so sick omg. She really built Cassius the whole illusion of a happy marriage. What if Cassius was actually a happy surfer guy before Gisela? Maybe thats why his getaway is on the beach. Who knows? Maybe Gisela ruined an avid beach-boys listener and a regular cowabunger. Its all so messed up, but the theme of the importance of family is strengthened through all of this.

What I start to wonder as I read through this chapter is…why? Why does Gisela want Keefe to be super powerful? WHY does she want to rule the world?

She mentions she wants to harness all the elements because she believes it will make her ultra-powerful, but for WHAT?

Gisela talking about the elements also reminds me how elemental elves are. They really are such nature-y beings. Little hippies. Talking to plants. Never killing animals. Using scrolls. No technology and A LOT of living with nature’s cycles. They see so much power in elements that Gisela is convinced she can be all-powerful if she uses all them. I ought to start seeing the elven world in a more woodsy aesthetic lmao. Alas, Shannon’s world-building never ends.

The most important thing we learn in this chapter is that Keefe needs to go through one last step to really finish his transformation of his abilities. Yay!

Ch5:

Cassius’s mind was really messy after the memory, so he definitely did love her and he’s definitely messed up by that. Even Shannon’s most hateable characters get backstory and understanding, so you don't have to like what they did but it makes the story she’s telling so enriching.

This chapter highlights how stubborn or blindsighted by emotions Sophie can be, but at least she can be persuaded. She neglects that Cassius has an OBJECTIVE approach and thinks he has a COLD HEARTED approach, and struggles to wrap her brain around the concept that Cassius could actually, in fact, be right in his suggestion that Keefe needs to finish the process of his new abilities to function properly. The fact that she sees “cold hearted” and “objective” as synonymous proves that she’s just a very emotionally driven person, which is important to understand, considering the entire series is from her point of view and if we really want to understand the story we have to understand how Sophie might tell the story.

Also, Sophie JUST NOW realizes how she probably should have read through the archetype before she burned it. Nice one girly. I’m sorry I bag on her so much during these first few chapters, it gets better later I promise. AND WHAT WAS THIS SHANNON:

“Lord Cassius couldn’t be right...

...

...could he?” (page 62).

TAKE AWAY HER ENTER BUTTON. Made me chortle a little but like Shannon what.

Not much else to say about this chapter. The last page was a masterpiece, though.

“Let him take care of himself, he’s been doing it his whole life” (page 66).

I’m not all about the endless Keefe sob story we get throughout the series, but the way it's told on page 66 is quite sad and impactful. Like oof, the self-actualization from Cassius and the cold hard truth…ouch Shannon. That hurt. Chefs kiss to the writing but yeowch.

Overall, these few chapters are pretty satisfying because both Cassius and Sophie change a little. Cassius starts off presented as his usual hateable self, but by the end of these chapters you feel a little heavier, a little older and a little colder because of him. He just gets deeper as a character. Sophie changes her mind about finding Keefe and actually listens to Cassius’s reasoning, which is important because it changes the trajectory of this section of the book. It would have been ooc for her to just not care or decide on her own not to find Keefe because she cares about Keefe ALOT (a lil too much sometimes I’ll be honest), but it did take 5 chapters to get to this point. She also could have gone on a mission to look for Keefe, but thank goodness she decided not to, for the sake of the plot and the other characters. Victory!

She really does talk to herself a lot.

Anyways, stay tuned for more!

#KotLC #kotlc keefe #Keefe Sencen #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc stellarlune #stellarlune #kotlc sophie #sophie foster #kotlc gisela #gisela sencen #kotlc cassius #lady gisela #lord cassius #kotlc rant

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squishmallow36 · 2 years ago

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Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Forty-five

Word Count: 2.7k

Tw: i'm an evil author but I really don't know how to tag this. Please tell me if i should put anything specific

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-fruity-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @books-over-boys @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @stuff-is-way

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Four days pass, with Fitz coming over to hide from the general public and also his parents because of the sheer amount of scandal from learning Alvar’s parentage. It’s not pretty.

So we binge watch Lord of the Rings together. Also the Hobbit, which we agreed weren’t as good as the others.

Yesterday, when he wasn’t here to supervise me, I found a game called Plague Inc., where you’re playing as some sort of pathogen and you have to infect and wipe out the entire world before you get cured. It’s a little weird to think of it like that, but it’s fun.

It’s not real people that you’re infecting so it’s different than when the Neverseen tried to do this with the Gnomes.

And then there’s Greenland, whose name I hadn’t actually learned until yesterday as it filled me with anger. Greenland is super difficult to infect. And, it’s not even green. But Iceland is green. Great job guys.

I just unlocked fungus mode before going to bed last night, so I don’t think about checking my Imparter for notifications before starting up another plague.

It just starts multiplying exponentially on easy difficulty when Fitz rushes into my room, saying, “Thank the stars you’re not dead!”

He wraps me in a hug from behind, and I pause the game, replying, “Thanks. I do what I can.”

Somehow, I manage to wiggle around enough to get my arms around him and his face into my shoulder.

“Sorry.” His voice breaks. “Sorry. I should explain.”

“Take your time,” I whisper, twirling the little curls of dark hair right at the base of his skull.

Slowly, he begins to pull away, closing his eyes in an attempt to compose himself enough to form words.

“Sorry.”

“Is this how I sound when I over-apologize?”

“No. There’s usually less snot involved.” He wipes his nose on his shirt collar.

“Sorry if I’m incomprehensible.”

Your accent is the most distinct it’s ever been and I have to say, it’s just a tiny bit really adorable.

“Well, for some stars forsaken reason, the Neverseen decided that now is a good time to retaliate from the warehouse thing. You know about that, right?”

I nod.

“Yeah, well, they sent Sophie a whole bunch of demands. Completely unreasonable, if you want my opinion.”

“They want Alvar back, don’t they?”

“...Yes. Moving on, Sophie went and talked to Glimmer, whose real name is Eleanor by the way, and was unlucky enough to be the first round of Gisela’s experiments. I guess she didn’t want to mess with her own kid before seeing what happened with someone else. She’s human genetically, but Gisela messed her up so much with quintessence and shadowflux, now she can plausibly be called a flasher.”

I feel like I should respond to this with something akin to ‘that’s one of the weirder things with which we’ve dealt’ but a small detail sticking out has made a connection.

“Eleanor as in Eleanor Wright?”

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“She’s supposed to be dead. Supposedly, she and her father, Ethan Benedict Wright II, were killed by a bus. Gisela was almost certainly involved. We went over this.”

“It’s been a while. Not all of us have the memory skills you do. Plus there’s been a ton that’s happened since. Coming to terms with the fact that I’m bi, for one.”

I smile, knowing how far he’s come in the realm of accepting that part of himself to mention it so easily.

“Fair point. And my memory just likes to hold on to random details. Not important things.”

“That seems pretty dang important to me. At least now it makes sense why she made Keefe go to London.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, where was I? I have no clue. You know what? I don’t have a good transition here. Gisela hailed me like five minutes ago and demanded I tell her where Keefe is. I want him out of my hair like you don’t even know, but I still refuse to give him up to his mother. But right before she signed off, she said, ‘maybe this will convince you.’ And here we are. I was just so scared that she’d done something to you.”

I want to be happy about how he worried about me first, but my brain has other ideas.

“Please excuse the Technopath in me, but I think we can backtrace that signal to find out where she was when she hailed you.”

He gives me his Imparter.

It’s a few minutes of hacking when I hit a wall, cursing.

“This is going to be a longer process than I thought it’d be. Tinker must’ve set up the signal in such a way so that it bounces around so I’ll have to trace the transmission around the world through an unknown number of steps, so she’ll almost certainly be gone by the time I get through. It was already unlikely considering that light leaping exists.”

Fitz sighs as I try to turn off the overly analytical part of my brain.

“Have you hailed Sophie and made sure she and Biana are okay? Because Gisela will be more likely to threaten one of them if she wants something from you.”

“Did you see my mental state when I got here?”

“Next time, make sure Sophie and Biana are okay before running over here. No one knows about us, so threatening me would be less effective than one of them.”

As soon as it left my lips, I realized that I referred to this as ‘us’, which is inherently closer than referring to it as ‘this.’ Definite pronoun versus indefinite pronoun. Subtle, but completely different.

“Honestly, the prospect of there being a next time terrifies me too much to appreciate you in Disney villain mode.”

“Try not to get used to it. I don’t like having to think this way.”

“Too bad. It’s kind of cute.”

I blush so hard, I’ve probably surpassed nuclear red and gone directly to infrared. I shut down for a good ten seconds, eyes closed.

Fitz reaches over, finding my hand and lightly squeezes it.

Slowly, I reboot.

Don’t break me like that, Wonderboy. No. I say no. Stop. Your breathing within ten metres of me is enough. Don’t do that.

“You should hail Sophie and Biana,” I whisper, pulling my hand out of his grasp. “Make sure they’re okay.”

“What, am I not allowed to worry about you?”

“I’m fine. They may or may not be. Hail them to make sure.”

“Fine. No need to be so insistent.”

“You didn’t listen the first three times I said it.”

“Shut up.”

Wait a minute...I can make the triplets shut up with an elixir...could I scale that up for Keefe?

I grab the nearest notebook and start scribbling down equations with the marker that was sitting right next to it.

I shove a lock of my hair behind my ear as I rummage around, trying to find a calculator.

“What do you need?” Fitz asks, not hailing Sophie or Biana.

“A calculator.”

I accidentally knock over a pile of stuff, muttering, “Jenga.”

“Would this work?” Fitz asks, showing me the google calculator on his Imparter.

“Technically, yeah, but it’s not the most user-friendly.”

“I would try to help you out and make sense of this and punch in the calculation you need but my brain is not.”

“That’s fine. I know my handwriting is illegible...Found it! Another five minutes and I might have actually had to consider your suggestion. Thanks, though.”

I like to think I can type faster on a calculator than a keyboard, but that’s probably just wishful thinking. It’s tough to assess because there aren’t speed tests built for a calculator. I’m also more accurate.

A few holes in the roof make it really important to improve your typing technique.

It’s a few minutes of my brain liquefying and falling out of my ears, as Fitz steps out into the staircase to hail Biana and then Sophie while I’m trying to even see if my idea’s plausible.

At one point I almost get where I want to be, and then I remember that the square-cube law is a thing that exists.

Another few minutes later, I tilt my head, examining my work before I explain my train of thought to Fitz and then have it not scale up the way I want it because of a miscalculation.

“It just might work,” I whisper.

I look up at him, having returned with everyone fine and apologize, “Sorry about Technopath brain.”

“No worries. Technopath brain Dex is as cute as Disney villain Dex.”

“Nope. You’re not short-circuiting my brain this time. Not twice in one conversation.”

“I had to try.”

“You really didn’t. But I’ll still explain my idea to you. As a treat. There’s an elixir that I’ve made a few times that can temporarily paralyse the drinker’s vocal cords, which isn’t sold in the general store, but there’s the occasional special order.”

“By ‘special order’ you mean you made it for the triplets.” Not even a question. He’s learning so much.

“Of course I do. We just don’t admit that sometimes I needed a few minutes of peace and quiet before technology became a solution. Anyway, I think I can scale it up in both dose and concentration to temporarily fix the Keefe situation. Any technical solution could be reversed by Tinker. She knows how I work and I know how they work.”

“You’re a genius, you know that?”

“No, I’m not. Just a Technopath. What are we going to do with you?”

“You’re going to drag me around so you can talk to yourself without looking too crazy.”

“Good point. Speaking of dragging you around, we’re going to the store because I have a hypothesis to test and my lab’s there.”

Lovise interjects, “You’re not going anywhere. Either of you. I don’t believe Gisela is capable of making empty threats so you’re going to stay right here and behave.”

“If she’s watching me, then she must know that I spend ninety-five percent of my life in this room. Therefore, this would be the best place to inflict any sort of injury on me,” I argue.

I can feel her displeased glare through the door. “Fine. But I’m still going to scout ahead.”

Using the Leapmaster, we light leap to Mysterium, a dozen or so metres away from Slurps and Burps.

“Stay here, you two. Grizel, don’t be afraid to duct tape either of them to some random building if necessary.”

“Got it.” She nods.

Once Lovise is a few steps away, Grizel turns to us saying, “If either of you try to run away, there will be silver pants in both of your futures.”

Lovise enters the building, and nothing happens.

Knowing her, she’s going to examine every little bottle for the next hour before determining that it is, in fact, safe.

Except that it isn’t.

A loud explosion rattles one of the back corners, and the smashing glass of bottles inside is just barely audible.

At least two of the more reactive ones combine and a pale violet fire begins consuming the building.

“Lovise!” I yell, held back only by Fitz’s hand holding mine.

“Lovise!” My voice cracks. “This is all my fault.”

I fold into Fitz’s side, his arm pulling me close.

Any other time, there’d be an unimaginable amount of electricity shooting through me, but I just feel numb.

“This is all my fault,” I mumble again.

Fitz has his Imparter out, trying to text someone with only one hand to type.

I try to wiggle away so he can type more easily, but he just tightens his grip.

Fuzzily, I can see Elwin’s name at the top at first, and then it changes to Linh.

“Water won’t put out a caesium fire. It’ll just react more until it’s completely covered in caesium hydroxide,” I whisper.

I assume he sends this information to Linh, as another wave of guilt washes over me. “It should’ve been me in there.”

“Don’t think like that.”

“I said it’d be fine.”

“Dexter, stop it.” He tugs his shirt over his nose and mouth to block out as much smoke as he can.

I just turn my face into the crook of his neck. As a bonus, I can wipe any and all tears and snot onto his shoulder.

Running footsteps approach, and I hear Elwin ask, “What’s the damage?”

Fitz replies, “We’re fine, but Lovise was in there.”

Elwin swears.

I move just enough to be heard. “No comment on this, otherwise your secret gets out. No, Fitz, you don’t get to know it.”

Instead of complaining about the sheer number of secrets I’m hiding, Fitz says, “Hey, Linh. Thanks for the help.”

A good portion of the chemicals must have combusted by now, as most of the fire has normal orange flames.

“No problem!” Linh replies.

“Wait. Before you put out the fire, there’s enough chemicals in there that might not have gone off quite yet but could react to water,” Elwin says.

“Yeah,” I add, “There’s a fair amount of the alkali and alkaline earth metals in there that were stored in oil, and I heard glass shattering so that means they could be exposed to the air right now.”

“Not to mention that Lovise is in there, and Goblins can’t breathe underwater as far as I know,” Elwin replies.

Grizel affirms, “No, we cannot.”

At the same time, Lovise yells, “I’m fine!” and Elwin’s healer instincts kick into gear, running after where she sounded like she was.

Slowly but steadily, he picks his way through, as Linh holds a curtain of water to keep the fire from spreading any more than it already has.

Lovise does manage to walk out of there, albeit with a limp.

It could’ve been worse, I have to tell myself. Repeatedly.

She rests against a nearby tree, and Elwin tells us, “She seems like she’ll be fine, but I’ll do a more thorough check at the Healing Centre. Right now she’s got mostly bruises and scratches as far as I can tell.”

Grizel gives him a bottle, saying, “Goblin Medicine. Fixes everything.”

“Thanks,” Elwin replies before turning to me. “You. I told you to hail Livvy the next time you needed a healer.”

“I was the one that texted you, though.” Fitz says, and I fill with pride, knowing he learned it from me.

“Oh. I assumed Dex was the only one that did that.”

“I’ve successfully been taught,” Fitz replies.

“Bother Livvy next time. I beg you.”

Elwin waves as he and Lovise leap back to the Healing Centre.

As soon as he’s gone, Linh says, “Some context would be nice.”

I assume she means the fact that Fitz is the only thing that’s keeping me from crumbling to the ground, which looks very suspicious now that my head is just clear enough to consider it.

He saves us by replying, “Gisela hailed me earlier today about how she thinks I know where Keefe is and must’ve rigged this up just in case I told her that she could go to Exile.”

Ah, yes. Explain the other thing.

“That’s not good, considering that he’s run off to the Forbidden Cities. But if you don’t mind, I should be getting back to Tam. He’s just a little overprotective.”

“Let him worry.” Fitz shifts under me, gesturing to the colourful, faintly smoking remains of the store.

Linh laughs softly. “That doesn’t make it more tolerable. Anyway, see you later.”

“Bye,” I say, waving.

“See you!” Fitz adds.

She leaps away, probably to Tiergan’s house, and Grizel says, “Be careful. She’s totally on to you.”

At the same time, Fitz and I say, “I know.”

Grizel laughs. “Come on, you two. We should probably tell his parents that their store just…”

“Fitz, you should head home. For security purposes.”

Fitz squeezes my shoulder lightly. “Nope, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily. Especially not considering my parents right now.”

“Maybe at least none...of this...?”

He lifts his arm, and I peel myself away from him, knees wobbling without having someone or something against which I can lean.

He reaches for my hand, a light, reassuring pressure, and we step through the beam of light from my home crystal into a conversation I’d rather not have to endure.

#kotlc #detz #dex dizznee #fitz vacker #kotlc fanfic

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gay-otlc · 4 years ago

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Perfect (Keefitz)

Summary: And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

(Alternatively: 4.5K words of Keefitz angst and about 100 of Keefitz fl*ff)

Trigger warnings: Internalized homophobia, cursing

Words: 4352

(Read on AO3)

Fitz Vacker is perfect.

His friends call him Wonderboy, and that's for a reason. He knows they're making fun of him when they say it, but he can't help but feel the smallest glimmer of pride when he hears the nickname. Maybe a bit more than that. Yes, people are making fun of him for being perfect. That still means they see him as being perfect.

And that's good. That's exactly how he wants it to be.

No, he corrects himself- not how he wants it to be. How it is. People don't just see him as perfect- he is perfect. (Or so he tells himself. But is he, is he really perfect? Or is he just lying, trying to convince himself. Convince everyone else.) Wonderboy is at the top of his class. He's passable at Base Quest and actually quite good at Bramble. Even though his father doesn't approve of the hobby, his talent at baking is undeniable. Every girl at Foxfire is in agreement that he's handsome, with bronze skin, teal eyes, and a smile that makes all of them swoon.

(He doesn't care how many girls like him. He's never liked any of them.)

And Sophie. He's a key member of the Black Swan, and he's Sophie's cognate. They're cognates. And everyone expects them to be a couple.

He's supposed to love her. He can't.

They would be a perfect couple, if only he could feel what he was supposed to.

He can't.

The point is, Fitz is perfect. He's sunshine, blue skies. Flawless. Golden.

Fitz Vacker is perfect. And he can't shake the feeling that perfection is a cage.

---

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect.

It's obvious from the very moment they meet. Keefe is too loud, too energetic, too obnoxious. He barely pays any attention in his classes and lands in detention every other day. Taking anything seriously seems to be impossible for him. Even his appearance, with messed up hair and the way he "forgets" his cape, reflect on his personality.

Alden disapproves immediately. Keefe would never be a good influence for Fitz, could get him in trouble, damage his reputation. Blah, blah, blah. He does make sense, too; Fitz is a Vacker, and he's the golden boy, so he can only be surrounded by the best. Which likely doesn't include Keefe. But after one conversation with that boy, he finds himself inviting him over to Everglen after school.

After that, they're inseparable, no matter what Alden says.

And Keefe is still far from perfect. He hides everything in jokes and spends too much time obviously crushing on Sophie. (A fact that gives Fitz a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He isn't sure why; maybe it would be weird if two of his best friends started dating?) Keefe's mom is part of the Neverseen and the council banished him to Exillium and he makes reckless decisions.

Odds are, Keefe is a ticking time bomb, and Fitz needs to get away. That's what his brain tells him to do. Then, Keefe tells him Lord Cassius's theory on head and heart emotions, and something clicks. In his head, he wants Keefe gone. In his heart, he needs Keefe to stay.

Shit, he thinks.

Keefe is anything but perfect. He's a hurricane, a natural disaster. Flawed. Broken glass.

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect. And Fitz cares about Keefe way to much to ever let it come between them. Shit.

---

Fitz nearly dies once, a time most people have forgotten about. He remembers it perfectly.

It's soon after he, Sophie, Dex, Biana, and... Keefe, though Fitz doesn't yet know why he has the ellipses, run away to join the Black Swan in Allavuterre. When they break into Exile to visit Prentice, and the Council comes to stop them. It's the most��stupid way to nearly die, but a giant bug stabs Fitz. An arthopleura, eight feet tall and full of poison, stabs him.

And he nearly dies.

Even though he doesn't have a photographic memory, the time plays out perfectly in his mind- everything suddenly aches, he can barely breathe and the world swims before his eyes. His brain feels foggy, clouded by the poison. Through the fog, he can only think of one thing. A name, that he clings to like a lifeline.

And it should be Sophie's name. It should be Sophie's name. He's usually perfect enough to keep control of his thoughts, make sure he wants the right thing and doesn't spend too much time ever longing for the wrong thing.

In his poisoned state, that sort of control is gone, and all he can think of is what he actually wants.

Keefe.

The name echoes in his mind, over and over. When he feels himself only at his last point of consciousness, Keefe's name is still repeating, but he doesn't remember what it means.

Who's Keefe? he thinks.

A memory tickles at the back of his mind. Keefe... he... I... I think I'm in love with him.

He gives into the poison, consciousness gone.

---

When he wakes up, his head still feels foggy and slow. Keefe's name is still there, and it doesn't take long for the rest of Fitz's memories to come slotting into place. I think I'm in love with him.

Where the fuck had that thought come from?

Fitz isn't in love with Keefe. He can't be. He isn't. Fitz is the perfect Vacker, the golden boy. He's going to marry someone on his match list that his father approves of, and then he's going to further the Vacker family name and not dishonor generations of Vackers before him. He'll continue being perfect, something that can't happen if he loves Keefe. Because Keefe is so far from perfect, nothing like anyone those generations of Vackers want him to marry. He's chaotic and disobedient and, well, a boy.

If Fitz is to be perfect, he can't like Keefe.

And he will be perfect.

No, he is.

---

His friends come in, full of concerns and well wishes. Keefe comes in carrying Mr. Snuggles, and thought he's laughing at Fitz, all Fitz can think about is how cute his laugh is, how Keefe hasn't smiled in so long and he's so happy that Keefe is happy. Keefe lights up Fitz's world, and after a bug-induced realization, Fitz notices that Keefe is... well, really hot.

Don't think about that.

Eventually, the rest of his friends leave, and Livvy gives him various elixirs. Della and Biana stay behind, but eventually, Livvy and Della have to talk about something, and he's left alone with Biana.

Biana smirks. "Does Fitzy have a crush?"

His face burns. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Please," she scoffs. "You've been making heart eyes ever since our friends came in. Spill."

"I don't- I'm not-"

"Fitz, you're a terrible liar. Come on, just admit you like Sophie."

Sophie. Yes, he likes Sophie. Sophie is the Moonlark, the most powerful elf; just who the perfect Vacker boy should like. She's pretty, and she's a girl, and she's just as perfect as he is. They're meant to be together.

---

"Yes," he lies. "Fine. I like Sophie. I realized it after almost dying. Happy now?"

"Very."

"But don't... don't tell her." Fitz knows that Sophie has a crush on him; no matter how hard she tries to keep it a secret, it's fairly obvious. He doesn't want her thinking that he likes her, though, because then they'd have to date, and he wouldn't like her. Well, he likes her a lot, but not like that. He likes her enough to not lead her on like that.

Biana gives him a strange look. "You know she likes you, right?"

Shit. Now he has to think of a lie, and as Biana pointed out, he's not good at lying. "I'm... I don't really want a relationship right now. While we're dealing with the Neverseen and all that. I kind of just want to wait, and I'm worried Sophie will take that as I don't like her."

He feels Biana's eyes on him for a long time, but she finally nods. "Makes sense. I'm gonna go... get some sleep, Fitz."

When she leaves, he feels like he can finally exhale. He was nearly caught with a crush on Keefe Sencen, of all people. He managed to lie and divert the attention to Sophie... but that was fucking hard.

It shouldn't be hard. He should forget all about Keefe right now, before he falls in deeper, and like Sophie instead. That's what he has to do, to be perfect again.

And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

---

As the world continues on, with a mess of Neverseen attacks and near death experiences and drama with their friends, Keefe Sencen never fucking leaves Fitz's head. His stupid smirk and stupid Hair and stupid, stupidly imperfect beauty. He's so stupidly funny and caring and brilliant, and oh, Fitz is so stupidly in love.

It's infuriating.

And yes, he's well aware it's kind of an asshole move, but ever since he recovered from the bug stabbing incident and the feelings for Keefe didn't go away, he's been avoiding him. Every second he spends with Keefe makes him fall even deeper in love. And as he falls deeper in love, he comes closer and closer to falling off his throne.

He can't risk that.

Even strained conversations are difficult. Fitz feels something he can't name, a combination of fury and frustration and love bubbling up in his chest, and he sometimes thinks he'll explode if he doesn't scream it. I'm in love with Keefe. I'm in love with Keefe.

But he can't scream it. So he'll just have to stay away.

Keefe thinks he's jealous, that he and Sophie have something going on, because he thinks Fitz likes Sophie. Fitz is jealous whenever Keefe and Sophie are together, it's true. He wishes he were jealous of Keefe. It's safer to have him believe that. Safer to stay away.

It kills him.

But he can't have both Keefe and perfection, and he's chosen perfection.

---

The perfection he wants (this isn't what he wants, he wants Keefe, he's never wanted this) comes in the form of Sophie Elizabeth Foster and a walk through Everglen. They're discussing matchmaking, dangerous territory- and then the danger becomes real, tipping Fitz into the deep end of a conversation he'd rather avoid.

Sophie starts crying. He's not an idiot; he knows why.

Because she thinks he'll never like her.

(And she's right. He can't like her. He can't like girls.)

Before he can think it through, the words are out of his mouth: "I want it to be you," he blurts. "I want it to be you. On my match list." It's not a lie. He wants her on his match list, and him to be on hers, so they can be matched, and together... and, well, married, as horrifying as that thought is. Married to Sophie. Together for eternity.

(That sounds like a nightmare. He loves her, but not like that. The mere thought of spending eternity together feels like he's already trapped. Caged within perfection.)

He wants to want Sophie like that. And that means he wants her, right?

(He wants Keefe.)

This is what he wants, he reminds himself, as he leans towards her, ready to kiss. He'd never admit it to anyone, but when they're interrupted by Silveny, he's overwhelmingly relieved.

No he isn't.

This is what he wants.

---

He's relieved again when he and Sophie break up. And terrified. She was his safety net, and now, when he falls for Keefe, nothing is going to catch him. Then, he regrets feeling any bit of relief- what kind of boyfriend does that make him?

A gay one.

That's what he is, isn't he? He's not perfect. He's gay. And he thought it would go away. It hasn't. It isn't going to. He's gay, he's gay for Keefe Sencen, and he'll never be perfect. Never be fucking perfect. Unless he pushes the feelings down until he forgets about them. Unless he never tells anyone. Unless he bites his tongue and marries a woman and does everything exactly right. Never slips up. Convinces himself, and everyone else, that he's... normal.

Not just normal.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

His plans to repress all Keefe-related emotions fails horribly within a few days. Keefe, the fucking idiot, manages to get himself in a coma, and now Fitz doesn't know whether he'll wake up, and dammit, even ignoring Keefe was better than this.

He just wants Keefe back, even if it'll be harder to be perfect.

---

The universe rewards him, the time he spends by Keefe's bedside whispering I'll stay away from him, I won't fall in love, I'll forget all about him, if he can stay alive works, or maybe it was just luck. Either way, Keefe is awake.

At first, he has no idea what to feel. Overwhelmingly happy, for one. It's hard to push that down.

He's your best friend. It's normal to feel happy about your best friend not dying. It's fine. This is fine. You're fine.

You're still perfect.

Then, everything spirals very quickly, and it turns out Keefe's mother- shit, Fitz hates her- has managed to ruin everything once again. Fantastic. Now Keefe is scared of himself, and if Fitz is being honest, he's a little scared... but then again, he was always scared of Keefe, wasn't he? Scared of how his laugh made Fitz feel like he'd won a million lusters and how he could be so imperfect yet so wonderful and how sometimes, Fitz thought maybe, it'd be worth it to not be perfect, as long as they could be together.

And scared of how he can't stop thinking about Keefe, so he buys flowers- fucking flowers- and goes to visit him at Elwin's house.

Elwin opens the door. He glances at Fitz, then the flowers, then Fitz again, and smiles knowingly. Fitz wants to shrink into a hole, knowing that Elwin knows- or even suspects- his secret, that he's so far from perfect. Elwin doesn't think of it as a bad thing, though. It's still terrifying. "Keefe is in his room," he says. Fitz nods, not trusting his voice, and walks up the stairs.

---

Keefe opens the door. "Elwin, I said I'd- you're not Elwin."

"Not unless something very confusing just happened, no," Fitz agrees.

"What are you doing here?"

Fitz swallows. "I came to check on you," he says. Then he holds out the flowers. "And to give you these." Keefe stares at the flowers for a long time, long enough to make Fitz extremely uneasy. Oh why did I do this, this was so stupid, Keefe thinks it's stupid, it obviously is, and now Elwin knows, or at least suspects, and maybe Keefe suspects too, and why am I such a fucking idiot? But Keefe takes the flowers eventually.

"Thanks."

The word is clipped, not particularly grateful, but Fitz lets his eyes meet Keefe's and he seems sincere. "No problem." Awkwardly, he shuffles his feet. "How are you?"

"I'm... I'm alright, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay." When Fitz nods, Keefe gives a small smile. "How about you? I heard you and Foster broke up."

Truth be told, Fitz had nearly forgotten about that, which didn't bode well for his whole Yes, I definitely like girls act he was trying to do. "I'm... I think it was the right decision for us. Can I tell you a secret?" he blurts, the last sentence not planned. He hopes Keefe will say no, but of course he says yes, so Fitz swallows. "I don't think I ever liked her, really. I mean, I like her a lot. But not like that. Never like that. I've never liked a girl like that."

Instantly, Fitz regrets specifying a girl, but that was the only way to keep it truthful. Despite that, he regrets not lying as he watches Keefe connect the dots. "You like me, don't you?" Before Fitz can say anything, really even register the question, Keefe continues "It's not bad if you do. In fact, it's good, because I... I like you. A lot. Like that. So it's okay to tell me if you like me. And I promise I won't tell anyone unless you're alright with it."

Fitz nods. Almost in a whisper, he answers "I like you. I... I really like you, so much, so much it physically aches, but Keefe, I can't. You know I can't."

A look Fitz can't quite decipher comes over Keefe, a mixture of pain and anger and joy and... determination. "Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers, before cupping Fitz's face. Even before their lips touch, Fitz knows it's so unlike the times he and Sophie almost kissed. This time, it feels exactly right.

It feels perfect.

That word, that fucking word, draws Fitz back abruptly away. "I can't," he repeats, taking a step back towards the door. Twists the doorknob. "I can't. I'm sorry, Keefe, but I can't."

Keefe nods. "I know. You have to be perfect." He doesn't sound angry; just resigned.

"I have to be perfect," Fitz agrees, and he leaves.

---

Once again, the world continues on. Keefe slowly begins trusting himself around other people again. Fitz still doesn't trust himself around Keefe. If they're too close for too long, he thinks he might just disregard everything and kiss him again. He thought it was hard before, but after he knows who fucking wonderful it is to kiss Keefe, it's nearly impossible. Keefe is like a drug, and Fitz has to do everything he can not to relapse.

So he stays away.

They fight the Neverseen a few more times. Nearly die once or twice. Elwin basically adopts Keefe. He and Sophie work to rebuild their trust as cognates, but it's hard, because now he's keeping such a big secret.

I never liked you.

I don't like girls.

I'm gay.

I like Keefe.

I kissed Keefe once.

He can't tell her any of that. Can't tell anyone. Keefe is the only person who knows, and even that is far too many people. He has to trust that Keefe won't tell anyone- though Keefe doesn't have as much to lose from it, it can't be good for him either. And Sophie... she's a really good friend, but he still... he can't. He just can't.

Even as their friendship repairs itself, they never date again. He's glad.

And disappointed.

Because he really needs a safety net, now more than ever.

---

Alden convinces him to get a match list, one without Sophie on it. One with a hundred girls, each one of them someone he can never love. Maybe he'll find one he likes well enough. And he can pretend to love her until he's convinced everyone, including himself. A new safety net.

A new mask of perfection.

He throws a Winnowing Gala then, mostly for the food. Unfortunately, he doesn't get to just eat the whole time. He has to dance with people, talk to them, hope to find some sort of spark. It never comes, of course. When he first met Keefe first, he knew that boy would be bad for him, but he couldn't stay away. Every moment talking to him felt like electricity. This is just... dull.

It's nearly torture.

Also, it's what the rest of his life is going to be like.

Fitz already knew perfection was a cage. He chose the cage instead of Keefe. Now he's living with the consequences. This was his choice, and he made his choice, but it's still... so hard. It feels like he's suffocating.

---

"I need some fresh air," he chokes out to the girl he's dancing with now. He can't even remember her name. She's nice, but nothing like Keefe. All of these girls blend together, because none of them are Keefe, and he's too focused on surviving the next few hours to concentrate on any of them.

Without waiting to here her response, he stumbles outside.

"Fitz?" a voice asks. He groans. Keefe. Why did it have to be Keefe?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too. I came to pine as you chose a girl to marry, of course. Didn't expect you to come outside."

Fitz groans, burying his head in his hands. "Sorry to snap at you. I just..."

"You hate this. You hate this so much."

"How do you know?"

"Empath. Also, I know you," Keefe says. Fitz sighs. They fall silent for a long time, but finally, Keefe speaks again. "I still... I can't stop thinking about the kiss. It feels like forever ago, and I still sometimes feel your lips on mine like some sort of phantom. All I can do is think about kissing you again. I really want to kiss you again. I... I really want you." He takes a breath, then resumes, cutting off whatever Fitz was about to say. "But I know. You can't. I understand."

"I... it doesn't feel like I can. At all. But..." Fitz took a deep breath, gesturing at Everglen. "I can't do this either. I can't keep doing this, pretending to be perfect."

Keefe tilted his head to the side. "Fitz?"

"I'm done pretending," Fitz said, and he kissed Keefe once again.

Perfect.

---

When they finally separate, Keefe's ice blue eyes are wide, pupils dilated. "That was... incredible." He touches his fingers to his lips, never taking his eyes off Fitz. Fitz can't see himself, but he's sure he looks just as lovestruck. He's wanted this for years, and finally, finally...

"I want to tell people," Fitz says, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears. He didn't plan to say that, but repeats it. "I want to tell people about... about us."

"You know there's no going back after that," Keefe says, the beautiful smile on his face widening anyway.

Fitz nods. "I know. I don't want to go back. I told you, I'm done pretending."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He pauses. "Unless you don't want to?"

After a quick kiss that makes little fireworks go off in Fitz's head, he smiles again and says "No, I want to. Do you know what you're going to say?" Fitz shakes his head. "Just making it up as you go along. That works. Honestly, the best way to do things. Can I come in with you?" In response, Fitz takes Keefe's hand in his and squeezes it. "Great. Let's go."

With every step Fitz takes, he knows his time being perfect is running out. He's never been happier.

---

"I want to thank you all for coming tonight," Fitz says, waiting for the room to fall silent from the talking and laughing and music. While he waits, his eyes meet Keefe's. His boyfriend's. Keefe smiles, and he gives a tentative smile in return. His stomach flips with anxiety, and doubts of Do I really want to do this? start to creep back in. He briefly closes his eyes and lets the memory of the kiss wash over him, and it's the only thing to get them to go away.

Distantly, he hears a girl whisper-scream "Is he about to propose to someone?"

He clears his throat and continues. "I've really enjoyed getting to speak of all of you and get to know you. Unfortunately..." he swallows. "None of you... my perfect match. There's nothing wrong with any of you, and if I could be attracted to any of you, I would have some good options to choose from. But... I'm not attracted to girls. Any girls. At all."

Behind him, he hears his father hissing "Fitz, what are you doing?"

"Let him finish," his mom murmurs, voice low.

After letting his eyes drift back to Keefe, he takes a deep breath and blurts it out to the entire room. It's been bubbling up in him for so long, with no one knowing, and by tomorrow, everyone in the Lost Cities will know. That's terrifying. But strangely liberating. No more pretending. "I'm gay."

"Fitzroy," his father snaps, instantly. "Stop talking at once."

"No."

"Fitzroy Avery Vacker-"

"No," Fitz repeats, meeting Alden's eyes and ignoring every voice of wisdom telling him to look away. "No. I'm done pretending. And I'm done being perfect. I'm gay, and I'm in love with Keefe, and you're just going to have to fucking deal with that."

---

Without waiting for a response, he turns and walks over to Keefe, collapsing into a hug. "I'm proud of you," he hears in a whisper.

"That was terrifying," he breathes.

"I know. But it's going to be okay."

Fitz tangles his hands in Keefe's stupidly beautiful hair and meets their lips in another earth shattering kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, Wonderboy."

Things won't ever be perfect again. Alden and Della divorce, and though neither of them says it, Fitz knows it's his fault. Keefe's father is furious, which he knows upsets Keefe even though he lives with Elwin now. Some elves are supportive, and some even come out after Fitz- including Sophie and Biana, who have apparently been dating for months- but other elves whisper about the gay Vacker boy, and how unfortunate it is for the family. The Council has been arguing for months about whether or not Fitz should be allowed to be matched with Keefe. Fighting the Neverseen is still a necessity, and they keep getting hurt.

Things won't ever be perfect again. Fitz won't be "perfect" again.

But it doesn't matter whether he's perfect. He's happy.

#simone types things #keefitz #kotlc #fitz vacker #divorce alden vacker 2021 #cursing tw #internalized homophobia tw #shai's writing

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im-keefe-now · 5 years ago

Note

I ask all of the kotlc questions

As requested:

1: My OTP - LINH AND SOPHIE. SOPHIE AND LINH. SOLINH. They’re both adorable angels who deserve the WORLD.

2: My BROTP - I love a lot of the friendships but honestly, Keefex. The way they got closer after Keefe found out Dex’s ability? Truly iconic. The way they joked about sharing air and punching Keefe, iconic. Their whole friendship in general? Iconic.

- I’ve already answered 3, thank goodness -

4: If I had a special talent what would I want and what do I think I’d actually get - Probably an unpopular opinion but a Mesmer or Pyrokinetic. A Mesmer because I don’t want to get up to get my water? Well now my sister can do it for me. A Pyrokinetic because I can make cookies, toast, and s’mores SO FAST. I’d probably end up with like Empathy because 1. Life hates me and 2. I’m actually really good at knowing how/what people feel, yikes.

5: If I could meet one character who would it be? - This is so obvious, but KEEFE THE BEEF SENCEN. I need hair advice (if you have any, that’d be greatly appreciated because my hair kinda sucks)

- I’ve also already done six -

7: I’d probably do the same (not because of Fitz eyes (if anything it’d be Linhs eyes that get me there)) but if I never fit in and I finally found somewhere where I did, it’d be worth it.

8: Ach this is taking forever but it’s okay! My favorite book is either Keeper 1 or Nightfall. Keeper one by default because it’s the first one to introduce you to everything which is great. Nightfall because SOKEEFE IS THRIVING IN NIGHTFALL. THE PICTURE KEEFE DREW? ICONIC. GRADY FINALLY REALIZING KEEFE ISNT TOO BAD? ICONIC.

- I’ve done nine, thank the Lord -

10: I don’t hate much (seeing as I haven’t been here to long) but sometimes...sometimes you just see something and your like...wow, I hate this. Can’t believe I had to read this with my own two eyes. And that is called SoForkle. (also, what’s his main identity anyway, huh Shannon???) The thing I love the most is probably all the canons you come with. Everything about Edaline being a mother to Keefe? Iconic.

11: I don’t write any because my thoughts are just a big jumble of crap that I can’t string into words. (However, if anyone needed a new suggestion, I highly recommend Keeper of the Lost Memories by @marellasthetic on Instagram because it’s amazing)

12: I am a huge crybaby when it comes to fictional characters, so honestly I can’t remember but if I think about it, it was probably either Calla dying or Keefe joining the Neverseen (what a crybaby).

13: The worst death to read? Wow @project-moonlark is really trying to expose me with these questions. Probably Kenric (look at me contradicting my previous statement) because I absolutely hated how broken Oralie was over that.

14: What is one item from KOTLC you’d like to have the most? This is really hard because they have great technology and such but they also don’t. Like, no google? How do I finish my homework (whoops). I’d probably want clean, FRESH air because humans suck and wasted all of ours.

15: Kesler Dizznee. Stick it to the stuffy nobles? Yes, sir. He’s literally the sweetest and, evidently, he’s great at naming kids. Favorite character, by far.

16: This is hard because I dislike a lot of characters (lol). Maybe Gisela because you know, the whole evil thing. But also she’s a b-word to Keefe. Like what’d he do to you? Besides be born??

17: First of all, how dare you. Second of all (is this like the main group or any main character?) sorry Alden, but uh, had to do it to ‘em. I know this doesn’t make sense but in my head it makes sense.

18: I don’t agree with a lot of what the Black Swan does (who messes with the genetics of an unborn child??) but I would join. I mean, the Elvin world is good but it’s not great. And the Black Swan is working to make it better.

19: The Universe. Space is cool, bro (or sis or pal depending on your preferred pronouns). And it’d be fun to go look at stars for homework (date ideas??).

20: If I could meet Shannon (which I might be doing in November!) I would most definitely demand (politely because I don’t want to be rude to her) more Dex and the triplets content because they deserve it.

@nervousnightcollector87 thank you for the ask!

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squishmallow36 · 3 years ago

Text

Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Eleven

Word count: 1.8k

Tw: both sophie and Fitz are messes with which Dex must deal, so business as usual. Also post-unlocked so Keefe just ran off.

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added / removed): @stellar-lune @ichor-on-my-hands @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @snowflakewolves @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @books-over-boys @florida-llama-46 @when-wax-wings-melt @k00laidcrush @bowlcut-boyfriends @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizznee

On Ao3 or below the cut! Other chapters can be found here

He’s gone.

Keefe. Lord Hunkyhair. Master Prankster Supreme.

Sophie hailed me earlier today to tell me that he’s run away to the human world, which shouldn’t be surprising anymore considering his track record.

I just don’t know how to process this anymore.

Foster seems to be holding together better than I am, which is a good sign.

I know Lord Hunkyhair said to not try to find him in his letter, but he wouldn’t listen to us if the roles were reversed, and technically he told Foster not to find him, not just anyone in the Foster Squad…

Challenge Accepted.

If you think about it, me trying to find him will be an indicator of how easy it is for the Neverseen’s technopath to find him.

They know where the gaps of Forklenator’s Watchward Heath surveillance cameras are, so they probably know how to get in there, and if they apply a facial recognition algorithm to the cameras—like I did with Ethan Benedict Wright II—then they’ll probably be able to find Hunkyhair faster than a gulon can fart.

My train of thought gets derailed as Biana hails me, so I answer, just in case there’s more Earth-shattering news. You never know.

“Hi Dex,” she says, waving. “I need you to not leave Fitzipoo alone so he doesn’t go destroy anything. He’ll be there as soon as I can herd him over to the Leapmaster. Thanks!”

She clicks off before I can respond, even though my brain is still processing.

Why do I have to be his babysitter?

I run—and by run I mean walk relatively quickly—downstairs to the front door and open it right before Wonderboy knocks.

“Perfect timing,” I say with half a laugh.

He nods sharply, clearly angry. I’m gonna guess it’s mostly about Hunkyhair.

“If you need to destroy anything just run around with the triplets for a few minutes. The average time between destruction of any of the different breakable objects is about four seconds,” I say as we hear something being smashed nearby. I don’t even want to know anymore.

I take a quick detour to the kitchen to pick up some Mallowmelt before heading to my room, which is a disaster zone in itself. I strongly believe Mallowmelt is the solution to ninety percent of the world’s problems.

“Wait,” he says, still in the kitchen. “Do you mind if I make something?”

“Is this something known colloquially as a ‘mess’?” I ask.

He smiles his movie-star smile at that, and replies, “Maybe…”

“Just let me run up to my room to grab a gadget. Don’t want to make Biana mad and I’m not exactly the best baker.”

He scoffs at the second point, calling after me, “But somehow you’re great at alchemy. Totally believable!”

I grab a human laptop, wanting to see if I can use it to locate Hunkyhair. By the time I get back, Wonderboy is rummaging through the cabinets, and most of the ingredients for something are currently on the counters.

Then, I get a hail from Sophie, wanting me to come over to her house. I don’t want to bring Fitz over there—that would very easily go badly—and I can’t leave him alone.

I don’t want to do this, but there isn’t much of a choice.

I tell Wonderboy, “I’m going to run over to Havenfield, and I need you to not tell the scary Biana about this.”

I turn toward the last sound that I heard from the triplets’ destruction and call, loud enough so that they can’t ignore me, “Lex! Rex! Bex! Can you come over here for a minute?”

As they’re running over here at top speed, I turn to Wonderboy and say, “I’m pretty sure I could say one of their names three times and they would all come running.”

He nods in agreement, although I’m not totally sure he heard me. He’s kinda focused on not making a total mess instead of whatever he’s making. I should ask but I can deal with that later.

Or he’s making a very specific mess.

“Can you three make sure he doesn’t burn down the house or destroy anything that you designate as not being allowed to destroy? I’ll make you up some prank elixirs when I get back and have a second. I’ve gotta run over to Foster’s house for a minute, and I expect the house to still be standing when I get back.”

I dig out a crystal with a path to Havenfield—at this point it’s easier than having to run over to the Leapmaster every five minutes—and Lovise and I leap over there.

When I see Sophie, she nearly knocks me down with a tackle-hug. I’m so glad that we moved past all the weird awkwardness and we can still be best friends.

I realise that I’m standing there like a dead fish, so I wrap my arms around her, and she mumbles something into my shoulder, where her head is buried.

I know instinctively that she is saying sorry for the tackle-hug without a warning, so I whisper, “You’re fine, Sophie.”

She pulls away from me and turns to walk to her room. I follow, and when we get there, she collapses facedown on the bed.

She mumbles more into the pillows—that is a nice pile of pillows there—and I think we’ve achieved the level of friendship that words aren’t even necessary.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Iggy’s been dyed in a tie-dye mermaid pattern with tiger stripes, which isn’t one of the elixirs we sell at the store, but it’s pretty enough that I mentally jot it down to create one. I have a long mental list of projects. Huh.

“Sophie,” I say, making sure I have her attention, “what can I do to help that makes me feel like I’m actually doing something instead of sitting here as emotional support, which is still important, don’t get me wrong, it just feels like I’m doing noth—“

She cuts me off by saying my name before I keep talking for a few days, and when I look into her eyes, I see a desperate plea to find Keefe.

And a shadow of guilt for thinking about it.

I nod, and pull out my Imparter. I connected it to the Internet a little while back after Sophie wanted to connect her iPod to it, and I figured I might as well.

I’m still standing at this point, and I know I will be here for more than ten seconds, so I sit down on the edge of her bed, and give Ella a quick pat on the head.

“If you want me to find him and drag his butt back over here I am willing and able. If you just want me to find and keep an eye on him, that’s also an option, but if the Neverseen’s Technopath can figure out how to tap into any of our devices—it’s not that hard if you know what you’re doing. Although, if I can detect them while they’re accessing one of our devices, I’ll probably be able to track their location. Oh, that’s actually a mildly good idea…”

I trail off, typing furiously on my Imparter, before I remember I’m not alone.

“Sorry. My brain sometimes just runs with an idea like that. Technopath problems.”

Sophie turns around and sits up slightly to ask, “How long do you think it’ll take to find him? And, also, is there a way to delete your history or use incognito mode or something like that?”

“Timeline depends if I can search for him at Watchward Heath, I can always buy another Imparter if I need it or I have some human laptops if I want to use them instead, and, last, but not least, you used a conjunction in between each of the items in the list instead of just between the last two.”

She laughs at my third point, clearly not prepared for a grammar lesson in the middle of another conversation.

From his station in the corner, Sandor orders, “You are not going to Watchward Heath. I’m sure Mr. Forkle would highly disapprove, especially after that little stunt you pulled at the Neverseen’s wearhouse. And don’t you even think about sneaking away.”

He must’ve hit a nerve because Sophie snaps, “I don’t think you care one bit that Keefe’s gone. If anything, you’re glad that he isn’t here!”

“Miss Foster—“

“No. No ‘Miss Foster’-ing me. You know it’s true, right, Dex?”

“What’s my correct response? Because I either get Inflicted on by my best friend or impaled by a Goblin sword, so…I don’t want to die…”

Honestly, after all the rants Keefe’s had about how overprotective Gigantor is and how he’s one of the many, and by many I mean many, reasons Team Foster-Keefe is still in the friendzone, I have to agree with Foster.

Sophie and Gigantor glare at each other for at least a good thirty seconds, while I sit there awkwardly.

“May I propose a compromise?” I ask tentatively.

I didn’t get told no, so I continue, “What if we ask Amy to keep an eye out for him? So we don’t accidentally reveal his location, and if she can find him, then, assuming the Neverseen are monitoring the Forbidden Cities, we’ll know that they know where he is, and then we’ll figure out where to go from there.”

“But you said the Neverseen’s Technopath might be able to tap into our devices, and if they can access a conversation with Amy, then they’ll know our plan,” Sophie argues.

“If Sandor’s willing, you could teleport us to Amy’s house to talk to her in person.” I meant it as a statement, but the end rises in pitch like a question.

“I’m guessing that you would like to embark on this trip to the human world spontaneously. But, as long as you bring Lovise and me, along with getting your parents permission, Miss Foster.” Sandor instructed.

“Actually, I have to get back home, assuming it’s still standing. Biana left me in charge of Wonderboy, and I had to leave the triplets in charge of him to run over here, so can we maybe schedule it tomorrow or—wait a minute, I have a collab session with Tinker then—whenever it works for Amy’s schedule? I can message her as soon as I get back and I’ll let you know. If I forget, ask me again in a few hours. I have some human computers which are going to be safer because the Neverseen hopefully don’t know I have them, and if they do, then they’re watching us much closer than any of us realise.”

On that cheerful note, I say goodbye to Foster and Gigantor, and leap back home.

Which is neither on fire nor a pile of rubble, thankfully.

#kotlc #detz #This is the most interaction dex has had in years #he's not okay

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