#the mystery aspect makes all of this even more interesting
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spent a good hour reading up on your Not What He Seems AU, itâs such a perfect mix of angst and whimsy! Ford waking up to find 30 years have passed in the blink of an eye is is the kind of body horror terrifying i eat up, as an avid enjoyer of time travel and its inherent tragedy.
i got a few questions, if youâll indulge me:
- what kinds of tattoos you think Bill has gotten over the years? i think i saw some arm bands in one of your pieces, but iâd love to hear if you have any specific ideas for placements or images. if heâs doing it for the safe pain experience, iâd think there are some pretty big/detailed pieces involved? and do you think the pain helps ground him somewhat, to find and fit better in the boundaries of the body?
- in the show, Stan feels a lot of guilt for stealing his brotherâs identity and he kinda thinks of himself as a fraud, an actor. do you think Bill ever feels guilty for the same? or would he just miss Ford a lot, without the Stan-specific aspect of pretending to be âthe better oneâ?
also any fun tidbits youâve been rotating in your head lately! itâs impressive how specifically it seems like youâve thought out how Billâs presence would affect the canon show events, while trying to keep them as unchanged as possible. also StanFraud is the funniest, most perfect thing Iâve ever heard!
Thank you!! Iâve always enjoyed writing horror based on human response, so Fordâs perspective is probably one of the most fascinating to me in this AU, although, all of it is fascinating and enjoyable to explore, really!
â I havenât worked them all out yet, but I know for a fact he has a tattoo of the Cipher Wheel on his back, the arm bands as you mentioned, a hyper-realistic tattoo of his ribs where his ribs would be (if that makes sense), and eyes on the back of his hands. Honestly, Iâd be open to suggestions for him! I imagine him having some more grotesque, detailed tattoos that reflect the nightmare realm as well. And yes, the pain definitely helps ground him. It also gives him a sense of control as well, in a situation where he has none.
â If he does feel guilty, itâs a complicated kind of guilt. I donât even think heâd fully process that heâs feeling guilty. Itâs this sort of gnawing feeling he canât get rid of, and it starts the longer he gets to know Dipper and Mabel â he never really felt it before that. He absolutely misses Ford though. He canât define that feeling either. Iâve said before that he looks at Dipper strangely, and thatâs because Dipper reminds him of Ford in certain moments, eager for discovery!
He and Stan never really talk about it, but the have both acknowledged missing Ford before.
Billâs response was vague though, not an âI miss him tooâ, but an âI think I do too.â He isnât sure what to make of that.
Bill Cipher doesnât feel remorse, or miss people, he does everything with intention and heâs never made mistakes. Or, thatâs what heâs meant to be. Maybe he has gone soft.
And Tidbits! I have a few! Not as many as usual, only because Arcaneâs been taking up a bit of my brain space lately, but I hope these shall suffice anyhow:
(And quickly, thank you again, I think way too hard on all the small details and how Billâs presence would have a knock on effect. It makes me happy to see it get noticed!)
â In the early days of Bill being trapped, Stan obviously doesnât open the Mystery Shack, and ends up having to take a few odd jobs around town instead. Heâs earned a bit of a reputation for being a decent handyman because of that, and even now, old timers of the town will still come to Stan if they need something fixing, especially cars. He complains about getting too old for it, but he never says no. Money is money! Itâs also interesting to think about how the little things would impact his relationship with the townsfolk and how they view him. Heâs always been Stanley to them. Heâs never had to pretend otherwise.
â Iâve toyed around with making the Blind Eye a bigger threat than they are in canon, being as the kids would have no reason to look into Old Man McGucket. Iâve also toyed around with McGucket ending up slightly different to canon, his mind still broken, but his motivation different, with him being aware early on that the man he sees isnât Ford, and is in fact the beast he fears and tried to erase from his mind. A more antagonistic Fiddleford whoâs been trying to get rid of Bill for years now would actually be really fun? If I can make it work, and make the Blind Eye work in this way, Iâll lean into it! For now though, itâs just an idea Iâm throwing around.
â Vague âepisodeâ idea that exists within my brain is Bill accidentally starting a mini cult again after telling some sort of lie that catches on, and it ends up being a Mabel-Bill bonding plot-line as she tries to convince him to just be honest before this whole cult thing gets taken too far. I also love the idea of Bill making a comment about this being like 1952 all over again. He makes comments like that all the time. Surely heâs just joking!
â Another vague âepisodeâ idea I have is Bill taking Dipper and Mabel to the supernatural underground market of Gravity Falls under Stanâs nose, trying to prove heâs the cooler Uncle, and that he can handle the two kids by himself. This goes about as well as youâd expect. Stan isnât too happy to find out Bill got Dipper and Mabel in trouble, as he tried to get them to do more and more risky things.
â Bill will sometimes start speaking in Euclydian without realising, especially when it comes to cursing, and no one knows how heâs making those sounds with his mouth. Stanâs actually started picking up some of the meanings in context and can roughly gauge what Bill might be saying.
#gravity falls#gravity falls au#not who he seems au#bill cipher#stanley pines#dipper pines#mabel pines#fiddleford mcgucket
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I think Dirty Little Secrets is interesting so far. And Iâm surprised I havenât seen more about it. It feels different than PBâs usual in some ways
#choices dls#choices dirty little secrets#choices#choices stories you play#playchoices#yeah it seems like theyâre still gonna lean heavily on smut#thatâs no surprise#but at least the LI has a little allure to him#and weâre not fucking cheating for once đ#Iâm sure the HOA bitch wonât be too different from their usual antagonists either#she def gives Vanessa from MoTY vibes#but I like the messiness of having a book centered around a neighborhood#I wanna know all the tea lol#and I want our neighbors gossiping about us and the LI#and obviously Iâm especially intrigued by Sadie saying he killed his wife#the mystery aspect makes all of this even more interesting#so yeah overall weâll see how PB handles it#hopefully they learned from the mistakes they made in MoTY with Vanessa and the PTA#and hopefully they donât drop the ball on the mystery like they usually do#which is honestly very likely since they have a tendency to ignore plot in favor of smut đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸#either way though Iâm tentatively optimistic#choices app
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2024 reads / storygraph
Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments & The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle
books 2 & 3 in the Edinburgh Nights series
paranormal mystery set in a climate-ravaged future Scotland, plagued by ghosts and magic
follows a 15yo Black girl whoâs finally gotten an in to learn scientific magic properly - but it turns out to be an unpaid internship, so she has to take more jobs delivering ghost messages and investigating mysteries to take care of her gran and little sister
in book 2 sheâs investigating a strange illness centred on a magic school for boys
and in book 3 sheâs attending a global magician conference held in a creepy castle - when someoneâs murdered, and theyâre locked in until she figures out the culprit
Zimbabwean magic, friendship, disabled characters, no romance (so far)
#The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle#Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments#Edinburgh Nights#T.L. Huchu#The Library of the Dead#really enjoy this series!#the worldbuilding is very interesting - kinda combo climate-ravaged future but also in some aspects societally it feels kinda 1800s#(especially with the vibe of the mystery/paranormal elements)#I saw that the author (who is from Zimbabwe) describe it as âif edinburgh was a third world cityâ which actually makes a lot of sense#Also I have to make the wendell & wild x lockwood & co comp again#I felt like book 2 was a little all over the place? I slightly lost track of the other-realms stuff lol#I really loved book 3 though - definitely more direct plot-wise#I like how it explores her journey through learning that the magic society is just as corrupt and shitty as anything else and maybe she#doesn't want it after all. as well as how the stress of everything is getting to her is causing panic attacks#love the scottish accent in the audiobooks!#so many interesting different supernatural elements. yay for sidhe in book 3 (tho only briefly)#hold on. do the book covers reflect the colour of her locs. (ok not quite for book one which is usually blue but there is a green variant)#ok I did say no romance but also I canât tell if Iâm just imagining Something between ropa & priya bc in book 3âŚâŚthey had some moments.#I mean I enjoy them as platonic moments also but just noting here in case it DOES turn out to be intentional and something that happen??#also fair warning the promo for book four seems to spoil somehting that's not even in the blurb??#aroaessidhe 2024 reads
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when will aup sidestories return from war and stop leaving me bitter about how the main story ended
#lumensis' characterization & death + the revelation of ludgers desire were extremely anticlimactic#700+ chapters of building up only to have the resolution forcefully/hastily crammed into. what. 2 and 1/2 chapters?#and am i supposed to care for his relationship with his mom when it didnt come up in 99% of the novel?#tbh it had *many* opportunities to come up but the author wanted to keep ludgers desire as mysterious as possible#and so it lost its chance to have any emotional buildup#well other than the implications of regrets which were frankly a bit oversaturated in the novel#(again. what happened to the 'show dont tell' principles)#honestly even occasional flashbacks to ludgers mom teaching him about all kinds of myths and lores when its relevant#would have helped in this aspect plus showcased his growth and development over time even when its off screen#(doesnt make his vast knowledge look like it conveniently came out of nowhere)#while also greatly enhancing the world building of his game breaking 'real magic'#anyway i think ludgers reconciliation w his mother would have been more impactful if ludgers past life came up more often#hell it would have done wonder in exploring his depth if we are going with framing his past lifestyle as a flaw#the thing about ludger as a character is that his past (in both worlds) is much more interesting than his present#bc its the only way we can see how he mentally changed in comparison as his changes are nearly non existent in the present timeline#(a part of the reasons why ludgercaseys relationship over time is an appealing topic is that it showcases both of their changes)#(reading about a protagonist who has no mental changes over the course of the story is no different than watching... a nature documentary)#im still v salty about how we never get to see arpas and bettys reconciliation btw#so do emotional closures between ludger and other characters#those are literally the meat of the story that would be worthy of their own arc#sayren why the hell did you rush through them and put them off screen#in the end instead of proving that he has finally learnt his lessons by confronting his emotions ludger chose to run away from it yet again#even if we are to assume that is whats gonna happen post epilogue why is his change accomplished by a goddamn last minute timeskip#(that is also lowkey a failed suicide attempt in disguise)#instead of what could have been... idk... a banger novel named aup#good christ#rant
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minted: two (explicit) | myg
title: minted: two (explicit) pairing: street king!yoongi x street vendor!reader series: one | masterlist rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , action ; haegeum au , gang au summary: after a whirlwind of a detour, you have second and third thoughts about the guy you saved. who even is this man? and what the hell is in that bag? note: holy shit, yâall. thank you so much for the love on this series already! itâs been a minute since we started a new series here, so nerves were firing on all cylinders. but you all showed out and gave me enormous relief and motivation to keep going, so thank you! note 2: as always, this is dedicated to hali @sailoryooons for ur belated bday, nary @joonary for being a cutie pie and letting me adopt the tangerine cart girl idea in general, and luce @minttangerines for ur url and for being a wonderful friend. love you all! warnings: language, violence, weapons (guns), blood/wounds mentions, drugs, alcohol, trauma/pstd, poor reader :(((, but also YES READER???, tension to the max, inner turmoil, mint!yoongi, haegeum!yoongi, tatted!yoongi, his eyebrow is pierced, yoongi visuals in this one areeee⌠a ha ha, did i mention tension?, tense situations, crass af yoongi lol, reader is also a baddie but who is shocked, slow burnnnn drop date: september 30th, 2024, 9:03pm est word count: 9.8k help me @ god
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Thereâs something to be said about the human gut.Â
Not for being the source of multiple health aspects, nor the way itâs connected to the brain.Â
But, other than when violence tears it to shreds, it can be quite the defense mechanism. Just like yours churns and churns with each mechanical click of the elevator shaft.
Who is this person next to you?Â
Who exactly did you decide to follow upstairs hours ago, killing your daily life to save and join on the run?Â
You donât know if you release your hand or if Yoongi lets it fall, but you take this unlinking to create space. As you slide your gaze toward your companion, he merely shifts his weight and finds interest in increasing, beeping numbers.
How can someoneâs profile be so troublingly handsome? Youâd be able to think more clearly if he wasnât both attractive and dangerous. Or if you simply werenât on the verge of collapse.
Frankly, if you didnât just murder a man youâd pass out as soon as you took too long to blink.Â
To keep yourself alertâand to hopefully gather some much needed intelâyou suddenly question aloud, âWhere are we?â
No answer.
Alright.
âThat driver called you Agust,â you recap on a second go. âWhat was that about?â
All Yoongi does is stare at his reflection in opulent, dim mirrored walls. Or whatever else heâs doing besides talking.Â
Okay. Well.
You can face forward, too.Â
âThose guys after us,â you try a third time, because who are you to give up now even if he radiates annoyance. âThey didnât look like Crane.â
âDoesnât mean they werenât.â
Your neck almost snaps when you turn. âAre you kidding me?â
As you watch Yoongi scorn the ceiling again, you canât believe he doesnât agree.Â
Mm. Does he?
From the flex of his jaw, you have to assume youâre right to some degree. Because it looks like heâs very, very bothered by the people that chased you down.Â
If those werenât any of the high-powers but had equal resources and numbersâŚ
What the hell were they? Where did they even come from?
Geez, itâs freezing. Is a drop in temperature the best barrier to you making sense of things? You canât even appreciate the way Yoongiâs veins protrude with every adjustment he makes to that mysterious duffle bag.
Lies. You absolutely can. But thereâs no way in hell youâre ever complimenting that. Or anything about him anymore because he clearly doesnât want anything to do with you!Â
Why did he even hold your hand? Was that just a ploy, too?Â
But that taxi driveâŚ
Yoongi looks down before lightly scuffing his shoe, and both of you fall silent as you finally give up with a huff.Â
Massively dehydrated. Sore. Still covered in a myriad of unmentionables and now being ignored by the guy you saved.Â
All you wanna do is go home, and you donât even know where that is.Â
How far did you travel? What district is this? Youâve never heard of a grey zone, but they seem fairly peaceful even at night. Neutral enough for you to consider relocating even if it meant sleeping on the street.
That brings up another question. âIf weâre in a grey zone, how did you knowââ
A ding interrupts your last thought, and you look to see where you ended up.
But the elevator doesnât say a number. Only letters? What kinda floor did you stop on?Â
One thingâs for sure, though. Whatever room you end up getting, if thereâs only one bed youâre hogging it or taking theâŚ
FloorâŚ
There are many things that have shocked you in your lifetime. Many things just from today that had your head positively and forever reeling.Â
But when the elevator doors slide open, you canât even fathom what the fuck youâre dealing with.Â
And in this second, more than ever, you understand how ludicrously out of your element you really are.Â
âHoly shit,â you blurt, barely hearing the huff at your side.
Donât elevators usually open up to hallways? Why are you walking into an entire living space? Is this a real place people choose to sleep in for a night? A whole floor?
Forget a whole floor, itâs a whole other place.
You slowly survey everything, wondering how much this has to be because you have never seen a living space so big. Or pretty. Or anything like this.
The ceilings vault and the furniture looks nothing like youâve ever seen. Everything looks pristine. Clean. Is that a whole kitchen?
How are there living arrangements this big? This one place is bigger than your entire apartment level back home.Â
And here you are: speechless, virtually homeless, and dragging your filth onto white marble floors.Â
Perfect.
âWhat.âÂ
You turn at the scrape of Yoongiâs voice, wondering why now is when he finally chooses to acknowledge you. Head pounding, you ask outright, âWho⌠Who even are you? What is this place?â
He levels your stare before walking towards a long couch, dumping the duffle and raking his hair back in minted waves. âThereâs a shower in every bedroom. Take your pick.âÂ
âŚIs that really his only response?
âThatâs not what I asked,â you fire back, wondering what the hell his problem is so you can add more out of spite.
âBut itâs what you need.â
âSay what now?âÂ
The fucking nerve? Even though you obviously, desperately need one, hearing him mention it makes you wanna re-use the chopsticks in your pocket.Â
But Yoongi simply waves you off, grabbing a remote and flicking on a television so wide you would struggle to reach both ends.Â
This is all too much.Â
âYou know what I need? To go home,â you huff out, leaving fire in your determined trek to the elevator. âHave a nice life, Yoongi. Or Agust. Whoever the fuck you are.âÂ
You get to the door and run into a dirt-slicked forearm. âThe fuck are you doing?â
âShouldnât be that hard to figure out.â
âYou serious?â
âYes, I am. So move.â
Yoongi pauses, jaw working overtime before he steps asideâwait heâs gonna let you go that easily?Â
âŚOh.
That was certainly not what you expected, but what else would you even think? This isnât one of those stories that ends perfectly after trials and tribulations. Yoongi has proven more than onceâin mere hoursâthat heâs no regular civilian.Â
But despite that, you blink before freezing at a terrible realization.Â
No matter how you slice it, youâre much better off with him right now than you are by yourself. Even if he is a secretive criminal with a smoking gun.Â
He did keep you alive that whole chase.
But thereâs the smallest, tiniest chance that you arenât quite safe with him, either. You donât even know who this man is anymoreâmaybe you never did.
So in a quick decision, you skim his side to slap the elevator button, chucking daggers at his brows until he leaves you to wait alone.
Good. You donât need this. You can find your way back to your city block somehow and live the life youâve chosen to lead again.Â
Yes. You can do all of that by yourself. The chase is done.Â
And so is your story with the man that will never buy your tangerines again.Â
Grabbing your sleeve, a second fact stings your fingers. A jacket woven in Dragon teal.Â
Shit. You need to ditch this, too. Either right now, or before you get the hell out of this grey zone because if you donât, this is the biggest target you could ever have on your back.Â
No good. No good no good you didnât plan any of this well at all. Fucking pride blinding you to everything else logical. Is this how your story ends? Because of regret and resistance?Â
You wait for the sliding doors, about to leave the biggest room youâll ever see to occupy a box. How poetic.Â
Your heart pounds as you close your eyes. Yoongi just cut you loose; itâs obvious he doesnât care so why should you? No going back now. Youâll figure it out. The doors are finally opening.Â
And someoneâs inside?
Wait.
Your brain both whirrs and skids to a halt at the sight of the staff member occupying the elevator. When they give you a look, you find your hand drifting towards your back pocket.
Fucking hell, relax. You should be safe with a staff member, right? They wouldnât be out to kill you. This is just your adrenaline on its haunches.Â
However, one foot in the elevator and your senses go haywire.Â
Because you canât do this alone. You arenât nearly as prepared to brave this foreign space as you need to be. With red in your hands and Dragon on your back? Absolutely not.Â
You bow to the hotel staff before you face forward into the expanse.Â
And as the doors start to close, you see Yoongiâs stare over his shoulder, storming with emotions you canât name.
Yeah, you fucked up.
Fuck.Â
Fuck you actually made a big mistake go back donât let the elevator close shitâ
As you lunge for the door, you get your arm through to block it from closing, turning to the employee inside and seeing their expression change.Â
What was that about?
âSorry,â you blurt to their pressed and polished grey uniform. âI forgot something inside.â
âI can wait, Miss,â they immediately offer, to which you politely and cautiously decline.Â
âNo need.â When you step out of the elevator, something happens that you think about hours and hours later. âIâll come down when Iâm ready, thank you.â
You can suddenly breathe again. Why was it so stuffy in there?
The worker bows stiff. âAs you wish.âÂ
Without pause, you nod, waiting until the doors close to face someone turned away.
Ugh. Itâs like Yoongi knew you werenât gonna leave. Either that, or he really didnât give a crap about what you did at all.
Either way, fuck this guy and fuck your indecisive ass!
In full aggravation, you march through the entrance before grating out, âYouâre lucky Iââ
âShower.â
âWhat?â
âThe blood,â he calmly breathes. âIf youâre gonna hit the streets, wash it out.âÂ
âIt isnât mine.â
âI know.â
Your mouth snaps shut.Â
Fuck. Yoongiâs right.Â
âOkay. Well,â you scoff, âGood point but how can I trust you to not do anything.âÂ
When he tilts his head with a bored, unamused, borderline ticked off expression, you almost scoff before he drawls,Â
âNot interested.âÂ
Oh. HeâsâŚÂ
Oh.Â
But the taxi and the hand-holding and the the the kiss what the hell? Was your liplock not up to this Dragonâs standards? Why are you questioning something so trivial?Â
The nerve. You plunge your shoulders in exasperation, hating how you chose to put yourself in another situation with this pain in the ass and he isnât even⌠âI swear toâYou know what? Good. Not interested, either.â
A lie.Â
Scrambling, your stomach speaks the next sentence for you, âBut there better be food when I come out cus you robbed me of lunch today. So do something about that.âÂ
Fucking hell you do not need his lips to quirk up so deliciously. That one look completely offsets what he just said and annoyingly tickles your core.Â
Stop. Focus. You cannot entertain any of those thoughts so ignore him and find a bedroom.Â
Opening the first door you can see, you continue your tirade, âAnd no more stealing my chopsticks.â
âCloset.â
Of course itâs a closet! Shutting it with force, you let out a high curse. âWho needs a closet here? Whatever, justâfigure it out, Iâm starving.â
âYes, princess.â
You flick Yoongi off as you blaze down the hall, not even knowing nor caring if he sees or not.Â
The next door works, and you shut him out before falling back onto its weight, so fraught with emotion that you canât even register the appearance of the room.Â
Today has aged you multiple years. So much has transpired ever since this afternoon that you canât even think in straight nor curved lines. As soon as you remember something, another thought juts between. Why are you simultaneously thinking about dingy, stained floors while agonizing over Yoongiâs lips? Is there a place other than hell or heaven you can settle on?Â
As soon as youâre physically and mentally patched, you are out of here.Â
The plan is simple. Shower, eat, give this man a piece of your manic mind, then go home.
Although⌠It would be nice to at least know whatâs in that duffle. If itâs something worth taking you could finesse a piece of the loot.Â
Swallowing dry, you push yourself off the door and finally notice a flood of ambient light.Â
At your side, you come across an expansive bathroom, eyeing the wall-to-wall entrance before taking in the center shower with disdain and awe.
The whole setup is lavish.Â
Does the water just fall straight from the ceiling and into that large square tub? This looks nothing like your cramped, chipped one back home. Thereâs even lush plants lining the area and towels already folded nearby for use.Â
Maybe you did get killed on the run and youâre in some type of dreamworld.Â
Too bad you arenât alone.
As you drag tired feet onto heated tile, you search for the shower knobs, realizing you have a whole panel to work with instead.Â
Uhh.Â
What.Â
You quickly find that one button blows water like a hose straight from the top, scaring you so bad you jump. When you hastily try another, something whirrs in the floor that has your brows kissingâ
âYou good?â
Fuck!
You flinch and hit the wall, groaning when you see Yoongi lazily resting against one side of the bathroom entrance. Both of your voices echo in the extravagant interior.
âYou ever knock?â
âNo.â
âShocker.â
He walks up the tiny steps, and youâre more than relieved youâre still wearing his jacket. When he gets closer, you turn and face the panel, âI can figure it out.â
âMove.â
You get slightly displaced as he gets close, resting a hand on the wall while bending to operate the buttons. As you inhale his musk, you respond to his second question instead of his first. âWhat?â
âIs this fine,â he repeats, checking the settings before turning to the shower area.
Oh. Wow. Itâs a lot more than fine.
A circle of rain falls into a beautifully lighted tub, steam wafting through the glow and coating your skin.Â
Youâre so entranced that you are quite literally left speechless. Skirting around your present company, you gaze up, down, silently observing the plants sway with the shower air.Â
Strangely, this whole bathroom makes everything youâve seen today believable because of the sheer wonder of it all. Itâs almost enough to make you forget what youâve done.Â
Almost.Â
When you pause, you see Yoongi watching your face from beyond the rainfall. And he looks so handsome, even now, not doing a thing.Â
Is it because heâs clearly roughed up but still so poised? Very unlike you in your banged up, dirty state?Â
Huffing, you fold your arms a little too harshlyâout of jealousy or whatever else, who is to say. âIâm good now,â you proclaim, keeping your walls high. âI can do the rest myself.âÂ
Again with that little slant.Â
Ignore him ignore him. If Yoongi keeps doing that, youâre really gonna have to brave the outside world instead of dying by smirk. A tub has never been so interesting in your life.Â
âSuit yourself.â
You look up again.
But heâs already left you alone.
Solely to undress and contemplate what the hell he implied by that.
Why did you walk left today instead of right?
Under scorching rain in the middle of luxury, this is the question you repeat in your head. Watching all the burnt streams of your decision swirl, and swirl, and swirl.Â
The blood will never wash out.
Does the price of saving a life have to be this high? It must be somewhat divine, being that in order to save, you took. If only there was another way to achieve that end goal. Though thereâs no way to do it all over again to be sure.
Staring at four chopsticks on the ground, you try to assure yourself. You need to.
Because at least you succeeded.Â
But will your price be more damning because of the one you saved?Â
Rushing water mutes your hearing as it pours onto sore limbs. When you reach for the scrub for a third time, you make sure to really dig, scraping at every. Single. Inch. In a last attempt to cleanse yourself completely.
Knowing that even after the water runs clear, you still see nothing but red.
You chose left today.
If you had chosen rightâŚÂ
Doesnât matter.Â
Your palm tingles.
Blood never really washes out.
Holy fuck, you donât have clothes to change into.
Wrapping yourself in plush material, you hastily pad around freezing floors as you think of a plan.
You canât just ask for them. How would Yoongi even have any for you? The jacket was more than enough borrowing for today and youâre in a hotel room, not his place.
Thank the universe. Â
But the matter is pretty urgent. Because youâd rather burn your belongings before putting them on again. Which leaves zero clothing and a thousand issues. Fuck.Â
Dragging feet to the massive sliding doors, you steel your resolve. Hoist your shields back upright.Â
Because thereâs no choice. Youâre just gonna have to dread another conversation with this man. An embarrassing, awkward, unprecedented shit why is he in the bedroom!
You flinch backward as you slam the door closed. Peeking out, you gawk, âWhat the hell are youâ?â
Did Yoongi just pocket a phone?
The duffle rests at his feet.Â
Wait. Did he stay in here while you showered? Thank god you had the foresight to slide all the doors shut because you definitely spent a lot of your time scrubbing like mad or standing completely still.Â
No. Yoongiâs hair is wet, so he did shower at some point. And heâs donning a robe, which is precisely what made you slam the door shut.Â
How can he look like royalty wearing that? The material is quite lush and silken, but still plain. It makes no fucking sense and you wanna rip it right offâ
Gathering yourself, you rush out, âWhy are you in here?â
âYou took too long.â
âSo? That doesnâtââ
âIn my shower.â
Wait. What? âOh.âÂ
You slide the door open a little more to check his claim. And now that you finally see the room, you can tell itâs clearly been used already, clothes and bottles scattered about. âYou said pick one.âÂ
âI did.â Yoongi turns to drop something onto a dark comforter. âFigured you picked it on purpose.â
âNo, I⌠I didnât notice the room.â
âDoesnât matter,â he says after a brief look your way. âNot sharing the bed, though.â
âNo need,â you snip. âIâm leaving soon.âÂ
Motherfucker. Yoongi only regards his sheets with a smile that triggers your fight response. And you almostâalmostâdrop the towel.Â
Speaking of. How are you even standing in his vicinity with only a single piece of cloth? Are you seriously that exhausted you didnât even think twice about it?
Suddenly very, very aware of yourself, you squeak, âUmm.â He waits. âI donât have any clothes.âÂ
âThatâs what you get for kicking me out so quick.â
Your jaw hits the floor. âSo what, Iâm walking around with a towel? Are you out of your mind? If you think Iâm someââ
âFuck, relax,â he slowly groans to the ceiling. âI was gonna say thereâs robes in the closet.âÂ
You snap your mouth closed so hard it jangles. âThen just say that!â And you slam the partition closed before fast walking to find them.Â
Missing the way Yoongi huffs before staring hard at his bedroom door.
On your second arrival into his room, your steps and demeanor are a lot calmer.Â
Is it because heâs a lot calmer, too? Maybe. Is it also because you smell food, realizing he did exactly what you wanted? Maybe more so.Â
Noticing a table situated near balcony doors, you blink before regarding Yoongiâs sitting form on one of the chairs outside.Â
A man lounging while smoking in a robe should not be this alluring. And yet, thatâs the only word you can think of to describe him. Â
Throat drying and aching, you slowly walk over and take a seat, already ravenous enough to dive into broth head first. But you eye Yoongi while retrieving new chopsticks, scowling when all he does is flash teeth through the glass.
Do not engage do not engage do not engage.Â
Pretending not to care and severely failing, you focus on yourâÂ
âYouâre really mad about that, huh.â
You snap your head up to see him leaning on the doorway. âI was hungry.â
âThere was a cup of them on your table.â
âSo why didnât you grab those instead!âÂ
Yoongi ticks his brows before peering into the night. And he stays like that for awhile, letting a breeze lift his damp locks. âDidnât expect to see you there,â he admits. âGotta say you threw me off.â
Nu uh. No more heart skips for today. âI didnât expect to see you, either,â you too choose to be honest. âThought Iâd never see you again.â
âYou were going to.â
As curious brows furrow, you break your utensils apart. âFigured something happened.â Guess youâre being honest about a lot of things. âOr you found another tangerine girl.âÂ
Yoongi holds his look before taking a drag, smoke spiraling around his words, âWhy were you even over there? Youâre a bit far from Crane.â
You blink at his deflection.
What was that about? What is that look for?Â
Holding his gaze because you arenât done challenging him, you calmly answer, âI was shopping.â
âShopping.â
âMmhmm.âÂ
Falling silent, he observes a little longer before flicking ash off his cigarette.Â
And just like that, the conversation dies.Â
Itâs for the best anyways. If Yoongi kept prying, he was gonna get closer to the truth. And you wanna slip around that as much as possible.Â
But he keeps standing in the doorway, inked arm bending as he breathes in smoke. Donned in a dark robe and topped in teal, he suits Dragon perfectly. Way too perfectly.Â
Pretending not to care and severely failing, you focus on your noodles instead.Â
Your noodles.
Your noodles.Â
Youâre not hungry anymore.Â
Something horrid jams up your throat, and you run through your day in flashes. The restaurant. The food. Dragons. The chopsticks. The kill. The chase. Yoongi. The kill the kill the kill.Â
Dirt and shouts and lifeless lips clog your hearing, and your grip loosens completely as your vision shakes and shakes why couldnât Yoongi have gotten anything else why does it have to beâ
A hand.Â
A robed arm.Â
Your new utensils come back into view.Â
But when you face reality, you donât see them put them back into your hand. You donât even see them dug in your noodles and left there.Â
Instead, you watch as Yoongi plants one palm on the table, slowly lifting strands from the bowl and staring right into your eyes,Â
âEat.âÂ
Words. Get them out. Something something communication. Key is communication. What the fuck is happening to your brain?Â
âI canât,â you finally croak out. âIâm not.. Iâm not hungry.âÂ
âYou are.âÂ
âNot anymore.âÂ
Nose scrunching, Yoongi suddenly drops the food and dumps himself on the chair nearest, stretching his leg and revealing a littering of scars. âDidnât know you were fine with wasting food.âÂ
The icy descent of his tone freezes your bones.
âThought you of all people would hate that.âÂ
âIâIâm notâItâs not thatââ
âThen eat.âÂ
âI literally canâtââÂ
âWater. Food. If youâre gonna waste all my shit, then leave.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
Is he serious? Youâre in the midst of post-traumatic shock and he canât take the hint? Youâre so appalled by this man that you canât even think straight.Â
âYou heard me. Stop acting like you didnât.âÂ
âOh, I heard you,â you snap. âJust double-checking what the fuck you said.âÂ
âSo you gonna leave or just sit there? If youâre staying Iâll just walk out the rooââ
âDonât.âÂ
Both of you still at your words.
And you have to force your palms to unfurl on your quivering thighs. One knuckle. Another. Nails leave half-moons in your skin.Â
Breath haphazard, you finally break. âJust,â you swallow, hard. âIâm not wasting it just give me a sec.âÂ
You donât want to tell Yoongi why you want him to stay. Despite him being the most infuriating person youâve ever met, it beats the alternative. And you donât want the alternative. Truthfully, thatâs another reason why you left the elevator earlier.Â
Yoongi looks pissed as hell.Â
But he hasnât moved.Â
And thatâs enough to get you to pick up your chopsticks and try again.Â
You stare. Stare. Stare. Mustering courage and inhaling all the aromas you indulged in just earlier today.Â
Fuck, you wanna hurl.Â
âYouâre gonna have to get used to this.â
Your gaze snaps to his, brows and thoughts knitted in disbelief. âWhat?â
âThis feeling.â Yoongi looks out the glass doors, hands resting on the arms of his chair. âThe faster you do, the better.â
Thereâs no way heâs serious. Get used to it? What reason would you ever have for doing that? Caustic, you scoff, âWhy, so I donât waste more of your food?â
Youâve never seen someone laugh in a negative way. But he does before sliding his eyes over. âSo when you have to do it again, you donât lock the fuck up hours later.â
You shoot up from your chair, hellbent on oh fuck you stood up too fast. âYouââ
Yoongi just watches as you grab the table for balance, wincing from the pangs in your head. Words grind through your teeth, unable to fully form beyond the light assaulting your brain.
âLike I said.â
Palms press against your forehead before you slump back into your chair.Â
âItâs better in the long run.âÂ
Technically, heâs right. Itâs better in the long run if you get used to this.Â
But thereâs no way you can do it again. Who does he think you are? Yoongiâs got to know that you arenât planning on making this a daily habit. This isnât you. You only killed to protect somebody. Killed to save the person telling you to basically get over it.
Fucking hell, this sucks.
Frustration and exhaustion sting the corners of your eyes.Â
Eat. Build your strength and get the hell out of here. Deal with it deal with it deal with it. Â
As you regrettably pick up your chopsticks, you donât care if your tears season your noodles. And quite frankly, you donât give a shit if Yoongi watches them fall, too.Â
Because theyâre liquid anger. Hot trails blazing down your face, hardening into sticky paths and dried rivers.Â
âWhat were you looking for.âÂ
Your eyes slide up to regard him, his arms folded and brows low. Because of course he doesnât care about your state, either. Of course heâd rather entertain his curiosity. âNothing you need to know,â you mutter, banning him from knowing another truth.Â
âDid you find it.âÂ
You swipe at both your eyes.
As spice coats your tongue, Yoongi keeps prying, âSomething you needed to go all the way there for?âÂ
âFuck off,â you dismiss, slurping and swallowing with ease. âI donât have to answer you.âÂ
âYou already are,â he responds, confident. âNow tell me. Is there one in particular you need?âÂ
Wait. You barely gave anything away, so how is Yoongi asking the right questions? Thereâs no way he actually knows what you were looking for. No way in hell.
This man is more dangerous than you thought.Â
âWhy do you even care,â is all you choose to say, more focused on your food now because above everything else, itâs quite fantastic. It somewhat reminds you of a past home, and you canât help but escape to those distinct walls. âItâs irrelevant to you.â
âBut I have what you want.âÂ
You take another bite before stilling, looking up to see Yoongi propping his head with roughed knuckles. âYouâre lying,â you drawl to his smugness, trying to act as if he didnât just figure you all the way out. Because he didnât. Thereâs no way. âAnd Iâm still leaving.â
âIf you stay, Iâll show you.âÂ
When you leer over your soup, he simply stares back with no hint of emotion.Â
And youâre so curious about what he means that you finish your whole bowl.Â
When you push it forward, you understand exactly what Yoongi did. It worked perfectly, and you have to hand it to him even though he mangled your character minutes beforehand. âThank you,â you offer some manners. âThis was gooââ
The scrape of a chair cuts you off, and your sentence dies in midair as you watch your runaway partner vacate his seat.Â
Good riddance.
He knows how to stay on your bad side, thatâs for damn sure.Â
But Yoongi simply heads back out to the balcony for another light. So you chalk up his swift exit to vices and not wanting to breathe your air. Or maybe heâs done with his fun and is already writing you off before you head out.Â
Clearing your bowl from the table, you walk out of the bedroom and bring it to the large kitchen, noting with a scowl that itâs obnoxiously bigger than half your floorplan back home.Â
Yearning pierces right through your chest.Â
The elevator is right over there.Â
You showered, you ate. You can leave as soon as you clean your dish.
Are you way too curious about what Yoongiâs gonna show you? Yes. But is that gonna stop you from getting out of here? No.Â
Well. This robe is hugging your figure perfectly and feels way too comfortable to just use for an hour or so⌠Plus, if you ditched it now, Mister Morals will scorn you for wasting that away, too.Â
How rude of him to assume that about you. Of course you arenât wasteful. The only times you let things go are when you absolutely have to, like you should have back in that noodle shop instead of braving the back staircase.Â
Scoffing to no one, you scrub your bowl in the sink, grunting explicatives and stabbing Yoongi with curses until you hear a distinct beep.Â
Was that the elevator?
You cut the water off with a twist.
Cautiously, you make your way across the kitchen, peeking around the corner to appease your curiosity and spike your anxiety.Â
A bellhop? Another grey uniform looking to and fro to survey the area. Itâs the same person that sent a look of panic your way before you went up to the room.Â
And your defense mechanism blares.Â
But before you can hide behind the partition, their eyes lock onto yours. Arm outstretched, the staff is motioning for you to⌠join them? Why?Â
Youâre the one bunking with a gangster. Why does this person make you even more uncomfortable? This feeling is just like the one you had when you called the elevator the first time. Was your gut warning you then, too?Â
Maybe itâs because you donât like the staff thinking they can come in unannounced. Grey zone etiquette or not, you canât see how this is ever appropriate. In fact, it poses so many safety concerns. How is this okay?Â
Walking into the foyer, you rest a hand on a robed hip. âCan I help you?âÂ
âIâm the one trying to help you,â they whisper, harsh and with another swipe of their hand. âYou have to get out while you can.âÂ
Wait. What do they mean while you can? âAnd whyâs that?âÂ
Sputtering, the bellhop sticks one foot out the elevator while pleading and, for some reason, that pisses you all the way off. âThereâs no time toââ
âGet. Your foot. Off my floor.âÂ
Is that fear in their eyes or surprise? âOh, apologies. I didnât realize you were⌠I thoughtââ
âThought what?â Your arms fold, weight shifting to your other tired foot. âSpeak up.âÂ
Frankly, you donât know where this newfound energy is coming from. All you know is that there are certain things you still despise and this person is ticking all the boxes.Â
âI thought you were taken, Miss. Iâm here to save you.âÂ
Pausing, you grip your arms, feeling silk gather under your palms.Â
Thereâs a lot you tolerate. Many things that a lot of people canât. But someone assuming youâre the weak one that needs saving? There is no quicker way to lose your interest.Â
Stepping towards the elevator, you unfurl your arms, robe swaying and billowing around your freshly showered legs.Â
âYes, thatâs right. Come on, we can take you away.âÂ
Hand on the entrance, you lean forward. âYouâre not taking me anywhere,â you command, finger pressing the button at your side. âAnd you arenât coming back up here until I say so.âÂ
Slowly, the doors slide shut, your reflection two halves in the metal shine.Â
Well.Â
So much for leaving.Â
You may spend more time here than you thought.Â
With more thoughts swirling, you spin, heading back into the kitchen to pick up the same bowl you were washing. Hoping you and your gut made the right call.Â
Yoongiâs a criminal and a madman. But heâs not⌠the worst. At least, not horrible enough to warrant someone coming up to steal you away.
Besides. Is Yoongi aware that staff can come and go as they please? He seems like the type of guy that would hate that.Â
Staying vigilant seems to be a little more important now.Â
Itâs soon after, when youâre placing the dish somewhere to dry, that you hear noise in the living room beyond the countertop. Looking up, you see someone much more familiar enter the space.Â
Hmm. Whateverâs in that duffle must be worth millions for Yoongi to lug it around everywhere.Â
As he dumps it next to the couch again, you donât choose to ask about it just yet. Only because you want to ease into it later when youâre both not at each otherâs throats. And while youâre not reeling from another strange encounter at the elevator.Â
So you go with a safer question instead, choosing not mention what just happened. âIs this whole floor⌠your place?â
Yoongi looks up. âOnly when I need it to be.â
Interesting. âDoes anyone else know about itââ
âDo you always ask this many questions?â
You blink. âI mean. I donât get by selling fruit cus Iâm quiet.â
âYouâre quiet with me.â
âAnd even then I get you to talk.â
Yoongi frowns slightly before moving away, more towards the sliding door leading out to another outdoor area.Â
God, this place is obnoxiously huge. Thereâs still a whole other half you havenât seen yet.Â
When you peer out, you watch as he leans against the railing, seeming to look both up at the building and down at the streets below.Â
Well. If you arenât leaving anytime soon, may as well offer some sort of peace offering. Maybe the two of you just need to chill the fuck out.Â
Rummaging through the kitchen, you manage to find some high quality beer in the fridge. On your walk to the sliding glass, youâre reminded of the time you gave him one before when he helped fix your cart.Â
That was so long ago.Â
Youâre so lost in thought that you barely register Yoongi whipping a hand to his waist when you walk outside. But you catch the metal just in time.Â
âItâs me!â you quickly alert before regressing back to annoyance, âReallyâŚâ
Youâve had way too much to deal with today. You donât need a bullet in your chest to be another problem.Â
Especially since his little maneuver showed a bit more skin than you meant to see.
Yoongi eyes you before his shoulders rest, and you stride forward to offer up the cold can in your palm.Â
But you decide to hesitate while he goes to grab it, and you instead open it to have some.Â
Ugh. High quality, your ass. This one is way too bitter.Â
Your companion snorts as you make up an excuse, âIâve had better.âÂ
âDo you even drink?âÂ
âWell, yeah,â you pout. Needing to prove it, you decide to keep the can. âLemme try again.â
Somehow, this leads to you sharing the beer with him, tasting the mix of alcohol and smoke even after he tosses another cigarette off the ledge.
Itâs not quite enough to forget, but itâs certainly helping. Observing the clouds so close and the city so far beneath your toes is extremely calming. Itâs almost like youâre flying.Â
âItâs different here,â you mention out of the blue.
âThis sector?âÂ
âThis high up.â Breathing in altitude, you sigh. âIâve never been higher than my fourth story. Itâs nice.âÂ
âItâs usually silent, too.âÂ
Your eyes slightly stab. âWhatever. You like having me around and just wonât admit it.â At this, Yoongi avoids direct contact. âMmhmm. Donât even try to hide it.âÂ
âYouâre useful to me.â You freeze. âThatâs why youâre here.âÂ
You shake your head. For someone deeming you useful, Yoongiâs pretty nonchalant about you dipping. Taking a tangy sip, you clarify, âBut you donât care if I leave? If someone comes to take me?â Â
He takes the offered can. âMm.âÂ
That answers that.
You should probably still tell him about what happened, though. His reaction could give more away than his words.
Instead, you drink in the night with your eyes. Knowing that you should know better about the company present.Â
The more you converse with Yoongi, the more you pick up. And one of those sad facts is that he doesnât give a shit about anything you do or donât do. Because all he really cares about is what he needs.Â
You canât do anything to change him. Fix him. Whatever exists in fairytales. So you decide to take the night in stride. Not give a shit about him, either, per se.Â
Your curiosity gets the better of you now. Not just about what heâs gonna show you, but about that duffle. You quite literally donât have anything to lose anymore, so may as well go for the question youâve been wanting to ask all day.Â
âI was gonna ask for a cut of that,â you divulge with a head-tilt to the bag. âBut figured you wonât even show me.âÂ
âWhy not?âÂ
âUhh.â You didnât expect this. âYou donât like questions? Youâre always secretive?âÂ
âNever talk to the streets, princess. Theyâll snitch on everything you say.â Â
âThatâs deep,â you admit, taking a once full beer in your palm. âBut Iâm no snitch.â
âI know.âÂ
Your look carries a slight pang.Â
âCome here.â Both of you walk inside as he plays with his lighter. When you round the couch, Yoongi dumps the bag right onto the cushions. âIf you wanna see whatâs in here, do it.âÂ
You stare before slowly walking forward and kneeling to unzip the bag. As your slide reveals the contents, youâre nervous about what youâll see.Â
But when itâs open, you freeze.Â
Itâs allâŚchil-don? Tons of money wrapped in sleek stacks with edges so⌠Crisp. New.Â
Wait.Â
These patterns.Â
These are il-don?Â
Holy fucking shit thereâs no way these are real. This is currency seven generations old. The first ever of the established system. Worth more than anything in current circulation, especially in their pristine state. Forget being worth millions, these are next to priceless.Â
Youâve never seen them like this.
âTheyâre some of the last in mint condition.âÂ
The shock value is so high you forgot you were alone. Slowly turning, your breath catches as you ask, âHow did you know where to find these?âÂ
âLike I said,â he drones. âStreets talk.âÂ
You look at the bills before glancing back up. âCan IâŚ?âÂ
Yoongi cocks a brow before angling his mouth. âTouch them? Do what you want, doll.âÂ
You blink at the name this time. Because him saying that with a fresh cig in his lips is making your stomach flutter.Â
Picking up a fresh stack, you inspect the ancient pattern inlay with eyes wide, admiring how paper so old can have such detailed engravings. âThese canât be real.âÂ
âThey are.â He shifts. âAnd most people never see one in their lifetime.â
You put the money back on the pile inside. Yes, these have got to be worth a fortune. But thereâs nothing else in the bag? No drugs, no lethal substances, anything? âWait, so. This is it?âÂ
Yoongi fully laughs before flicking his lighter again. âYou want something else?âÂ
âNo, Iââ You back away. âThereâs really nothing else in there?âÂ
Coolly, he lights up before taking the initial drag. âNah.âÂ
Smoke spirals around you. âI dunno what I expected but it wasnât that.â
Yoongi lets a wisp leave his mouth. You know itâs getting in your robe, but caring about the little things has now jumped out the window. âWhateverâs in that bag can feed half the city.âÂ
âWhat?â As you look, he walks over to what looks like a small section of a bar. âIs that why you stole it?â
âStole it?â Yoongi grins and shakes his head. âSure. Thatâs why we stole it.â
âWe? Leave me out of this.â
âToo late.â
âIâm serious.â
âSo am I.â
You step forward in anger, but you only get a sound out before Yoongi straightens, aura blazing,
âIââ
âSay I do leave you out of it. Nothing happened tonight, according to me.â He discards his fresh light in an ashtray, watching it die before sliding his gaze your way. âDoesnât mean whoever we just fought will suddenly leave you alone.â
Shit. He has a point. You ran for so long and fought plenty of those guys.
Is this what he meant? Getting used to that feeling? Maybe your consequence is joining the cycle of the damned, forced to kill in order to protect. Both others and now yourself.Â
âBut Iâm⌠Just a nobody. A civilian, IâŚâ
Yoongi walks until heâs in front of you, hand cupping your chin and voice whispering mortifying allegations in your ear,Â
âYou took a body for a Dragon, love. Youâre not a civilian anymore.â
Your arms shove him backward without pause, face distraught as you watch his smirk bounce with his shoulders. His cackle echoes mad through the room, pinging the floors and piercing through your robe.Â
Truthfully, it doesnât even feel like youâre wearing one. So naked and exposed in the open for this man to see. âYouâre despicable.â
âThat right?â His mouth sets as his lids lower. âAnd what about the one that killed and kept running?â
What.
âThere was a police car at the restaurant,â Yoongi continues, a reminder so sharp it slices clean. âYet you didnât turn yourself in.â
Your feet sink into the rug beneath. âThatâs notâŚâÂ
With measured steps, he stalks forward, a harbinger of horrific realizations that you donât want to hear, âYou didnât have to keep running. Didnât have to get in that taxi.â
Stepping back, you find the room so stuffy itâs hard to move. âYouââ
âCouldâve taken another train.âÂ
âStop.â
âCouldâve stayed in that elevator.â
What the fuck is happening right now?Â
Yoongiâs close. Very much too close, and the energy he radiates sets your instincts ablaze.
This is the man youâve been pining over this whole time? If you ever get back home, you have got to remind yourself to avoid him at all costs. Thereâs nothing good for you if you stay. Danger surrounds every inch of him, and thereâs no telling when youâll take collateral damage.
âBut you didnât,â he delivers the final blow. âAnd youâre still here.âÂ
Lifting your chin, Yoongi grins slow when you yank away.Â
âI shouldâve never saved you.â Gaze finally locked, you growl from within, letting a monster loose,Â
âI shouldâve left you for dead.âÂ
Wait.Â
Stop.Â
This isnât you. This isnât who you are. Youâre a helper. A healer. Those words came out so strange that youâre questioning how they left your mouth so freely.
Did you really mean that? Or was this some feeble attempt to hurt him?
Yoongi doesnât seem phased. But you clearly donât know him so itâs not likeâ
Something heavy and dark as fuck is placed in your hand, and you snap your eyes to his in utmost disbelief.
âGo ahead then.â
Oh, this man is psychotic.
âBe my guest.â
No fucking way youâre gonna do it. âStopââ
âIf you regret it, why waste timeââ
âSeriously, Iâm not gonnaââ
Yoongi forces your fingers flush against metal as he holds the gun to his forehead, both eyes piercing right into yours with no hesitation whatsoever.Â
And it is frightening.Â
All anger from before flees as fear and intensity rush into its place. Your brain fizzles and cracks as you try to wrestle out of his grip, and you feel burning at the corners of your eyes. âStop!â
âWhy.â
âIâm not gonna shoot you, the fuck!â
âYou sure?â
âYes!â
Mercifully, he lets go, pistol thrown as youâre tugged forward with aâ
âWhatâs stopping you,â he grounds out, formidable presence all-consuming. âTell me.âÂ
Youâre breathing so hard it hurts. âYouââa shaky heaveââYou are out of your fucking mind.â
When you struggle from his grip, Yoongi pulls you even closer. Reacting in a rush, you propel your knee up to wrap around his side and twist.Â
But he proves just as quick, gripping the bare skin of your leg as you shove him down against the sofa. Grunting, you both curve with the furniture, Yoongi locked onto your knitted, conflicted brows. Â
âYou regret saving my life,â he simply repeats to your frustration. âI gave you the chance to fix that.âÂ
âShut upââ
âBut your will is weak.â
âI swear toââ
âGuess I was wrong.â
Who the hell does he think he is? This guyâYoongi, Agust, whoever the fuckâhas no right to play with you so casually.Â
But something else is swirling inside your ribs. Because through his cutthroat words and actions, this man is somehow stirring the deepest waters of your soul. Ripples rumble and stretch into waves, tugging your toes in undercurrents of obsidian. Dark. Primal. Hazardous. All you.Â
Is it from being subjected to such a heavy dose of his power?Â
Or is it becauseâeven if just for a momentâheâs handing all that power to you?
Quite literally, youâre the one on top.
And Yoongi holds your gaze, unfazed by the way your robe completely spread open during your tumble. Or the fact that you have nothing beneath that silk.Â
He could easily take over. From the feel of his build beneath your hands and between your legs, you know he can.Â
But heâs not. Thereâs no hesitation. Heâs legitimately giving you the choice and reveals no ounce of remorse.
This revelation courses through your veins, pumping a new kind of life into your palms. You have a shot at a criminal with a bag of il-don waiting to be snatched. And you know you wonât take it.Â
And that alone alters the chemistry of your brain.
With more fear of yourself than anything else, you shake out, âIf Iâm killing you, itâs gonna be entirely my choice.âÂ
Heâs laughing? Youâre instigating a threat and heâs enjoying it? God, you are teetering on the brink of madness and another emotion that wonât dare be acknowledged.Â
Tugging Yoongi up a notch, you proclaim to the glint of his eyes,Â
âAnd when I do, youâll die exactly how I want.â
Yoongiâs lips slowly, dreadfully spread, teeth shining in the dim lamp lights that sharpen half his features. When he speaks, you shiver. Because itâs a mix of pride and fear, sprinkled with a hint of alarm,
âThatâs my girl.âÂ
The room quiets, your bodies locked in a way that youâll remember years from now. Breaths. Your bare chest hovering inches above his. If there were bystanders, they would no doubt get the wrong idea. Because if things were different, and if this man underneath you wasnât who he was, youâd entertain another type of ferality and not stop until morning.Â
To be fair. That same dark part of you would still do it.Â
But this is about the righteous part of who you are. The one that abides by the rules. The one that fights to keep days boring, uneventful, the same.Â
So you quell that monster pacing in your core.Â
One more exhale leaves your lips before you let him drop, sliding off his silken, tone form to quietly readjust your robe. Turning away, you focus on the night skies, wondering if the people back home are sound asleep as you should be.Â
âMy will may seem weak. But I donât care what you think of me.âÂ
Sound is crisp again as Yoongi rises to his feet. Around you, the air starts to lighten, cold slipping delicately into your skin.Â
Slowly tying the wrap at your waist, your words float to the ground, âBecause I know who I am. And no one can take that from me, not even you.âÂ
His presence fills the space at your back. But itâs muted. Less intimidating. Or maybe youâre just at your limit because you admit a little more than you intend,Â
âThis world has already tried enough.âÂ
Both of you come to another standstill, two black robes staining a room full of white. Even time itself gives you space, slowing and circling until youâre ready for it to flow straight again.Â
As a cloud shadows the light of the moon, you feel knuckles caress your neck. And Yoongiâs never sounded so calm as he starts, âTheyâll come after you.â
You slightly turn.Â
âYou still want to go back?â
A pause. A nod.
His knuckles continue to glide along your neck, slipping down your back before traveling the swoop of your shoulder. Everything in your body thrums, silently quaking because you have no idea where this is coming from and you canât say you hate it.Â
Quite the opposite. And that scares you more.Â
âIf you do, youâre dead to me.â
Of course. Youâve seen and know too much. Thereâs no reason for him to show up to your street now, especially if tangerines are all heâs looking for. He can always find them anywhere else.Â
But, for some reason, this still stings. In a way that irks even your reasonable side. Is it because of his touch? No. Thatâs only making you nervous from the fact that you probably arenât⌠as experienced as he is. The uneasiness is wholly from your own limitations.Â
âIâll survive without you,â you whisper resolute, chest squeezing when he replies,
âI know.âÂ
The same fingers get bolder, tracing down your arm before sliding along the wrap at your hip.Â
And you freeze.Â
Because the tension is palpable. The power is intoxicating. Itâs a new type of anticipation and you are fighting yourself to not give in. Donât let everything get to your head. Donât let anyone in again. Donât stray onto a path you canât quite navigate.Â
But fuck, you kinda want to.Â
Rocks slide against exposed skin when he decides to speak again. And it makes you wish the two of you were extraordinarily normal. Or that you at least knew what the fuck to do here because the attraction you feel is not as one-sided as you presumed.Â
âWhat made you stay.â
A breath you didnât know you were holding huffs out, and you swallow with difficulty. âI justâŚâÂ
Get it together. Keep up your guard. Itâs proving so hard, especially when his touches spark fires along your limbs. But you have to.Â
And therein comes another lie. âI wanted to know what you stole.â Gulping down the truth, you harden your resolve. âThatâs it.âÂ
With more restraint that you want, Yoongi bunches silk at your pelvis, hitching your robe and your breath all at once. When his other hand slowly holds your neck in place, you canât help but flinch, and his low hum pours lava straight down your chest,Â
âWhat a shame.â
Oh. Is this how it ends? Did your gut get it all wrong?Â
He could end your life with a flick of his wrist. You know far too much. Youâre not useful anymore.Â
âSomeone will take you back tomorrow,â Yoongi murmurs, proving every single theory wrong. âAfter that, youâre on your own.âÂ
And just like that, he releases you to stand alone.Â
Oh. Youâre going home.Â
Good.
This is good, right?
Your heart beats overtime, almost drowning out your entire thought process. The thumps and pulses seem to cut every string of consciousness short.Â
What was that? What was any of that?Â
Never mind. Nothing happened and you can keep it that way, for the better. Yoongi is risk draped in beauty, and once youâre back home you can cut ties with anyone like him for good. You saved him; he spared you. Itâs over.Â
âŚBut do you want it to be?Â
Yes.Â
Of course you do.Â
Clouds let moonlight shine again.Â
When you arrive at an answer, you turn to find that Yoongiâs already gone, duffle and all shut inside his room with a muted click.
A flip switches as you let exhaustion take over completely, falling onto cushions that still hold his scent. Inhaling, you drift into darkness, wondering how your final decision will affect the rest of your days.
Whether awake or asleep, nightmares are real.Â
Only this time, you arenât quite sure if the blood and guts youâre seeing are yours or someone elseâs. Canât discern the limb on the ground from the limb on your torso. Screams echo and ping from all directions, a cacophony of death that has you scratching at mania to stay sane.Â
Murderer. Murderer. A murderer that regrets who she saved. No, wait, thatâs not true. Youâd still do it again.
And you watch the same swing over and over. The same arc of finality. Those lifeless eyes. Closer. Closer. Sharper. Judging.Â
You were wrong. Were you wrong? Running does nothing and doesnât provide an answer. The ground under your toes gives out.Â
How far are you straying? How low are you sinking? If you told your neighbors who you killed for, would they be upset or betrayed?Â
Theyâd hate you. Their fingers aim straight. Their tongues fire bullets.Â
Theyâll hate you. Hate you. Hate you hate you hate youâ
A room bursts into view as you jolt awake. Sounds snap silent, the hum of the air all you can hear as you rub your eyes.Â
So much for sleeping. Thereâs no way youâll be able to now.
Focus on something else. Anything else. The past cannot be undone, so live with the choices you made and deal with the faces that haunt your dreams.Â
Staring into the dark, shapes and sharp edges slowly form, your vision sharpening with every passing second. Tiny pops and creaks tickle your eardrums, and Yoongiâs scent still lingers with your own.Â
You donât want to focus on him, but itâs better than what forced you awake.
A lot happened tonight. But also, nothing at all. Something is keeping you both together, tightening and squeezing the strings in your chest. But you donât know if thatâs from the adrenaline of todayâs events, or from the pure shock of your unexpected reunion.Â
Thereâs something else you havenât considered until now. Despite his unorthodox and hellish methods, Yoongi did keep your head on straight. You showered. You ate. You drank. You inhaled fresh air.Â
Your compass righted itself when you didnât blow his brains out.Â
The nothingness was all to your advantage. Was that all calculated, too?Â
One part of youâthe bright side of youâknows that it doesnât matter. No matter how helpful he was tonight, distance is crucial. Stay away from people like him. Theyâre all too cunning to be kept close.
But if leaping that crevasse allows you to keep your mind off everything else? If you need to stop the bleeding, why not reach for a cure?
Your exhale shakes as your shoulders fall forward, self-deprecation destroying your brain because what the fuck are you thinking? This is nonsense. Madness.Â
Maybe youâve just been insane from the very start.Â
Your breath quickens at the possibilities. The potential outcomes of what youâre about to do.Â
This is the most solid decision youâve made all night.
As your toes travel across plush, trek over marble, and arrive at their destination, the rest of your body quietly, nervously follows.Â
Raising your hand, you listen for movement. When you find none, you softly knock and wait for what seems like an eternity.Â
For nothing.Â
All that worry for naught. Yoongiâs most likely fast asleep and not dreaming at all.Â
Good. This is your sign to let it go completely. In the morning, youâre going back home. The nightmares will consume you and youâll wake up everyday to brave the streets. Assassins will be on the hunt for revenge. You wonât be saved by the boy in teal.Â
What a shame, indeed.
As you step to leave, you hear the door slowly swing.
And Yoongi emerges from behind, minted hair mussed over lowered lids and robe slipping down a tatted shoulder.Â
Fuck everything.Â
âI donât regret what I did and Iâd do it all again,â you admit with finality. To him, to yourself, to the ones youâll disappoint back home. âAnd I refuse to get used to this feeling because it reminds me Iâm still a good person.âÂ
Yoongiâs eyes donât change as he stares.Â
âBut,â you exhale with a shake. âJust for tonightâŚâ Â
This is it.
The brink of no return.
Your soul dips into the dark.
âPlease make me fucking forget.â
â
â
✠what do we feel! | 𼢠join the taglist 𼢠| masterlist
a/n: once again, i cannot thank y'all enough for being patient and understanding as i go through life while working on this and all the other writing projects we have going on! it means the world, and even though there were some not-so-fun asks to get, the supporting and wonderful ones are what i will continue to focus on! so if you've ever left something sweet, thought provoking, encouraging, etc - thank you from the bottom of my heart! you're what keeps this writer going. a/n 2: if there's something you liked about this or a line/scene/whatever thing you enjoyed, feel free to let me know! feedback is never expected, but always appreciated. if the interest level is high, that adds motivation like no other. thank you all for reading! ++ feedback box: ⼠of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! âĽÂ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⼠no emails collected, no need to put in a username. itâs literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as youâd like! ⼠here! ++ more links: âĽÂ masterlist âĽÂ minted masterlist
#PART TWO IS HEREEE#bts fic#bts imagines#bts reactions#yoongi fic#yoongi x you#yoongi x reader#yoongi angst#yoongi fluff#yoongi smut#bts smut#bts fanfic#*latest#ryenwrites#minted#*ryenfictalk#tw: violence#tw: blood#tw: murder
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đđđđđđđ! đđđđđ đđđđđ
PAIRING: đđđ§đđđŤđ! đđŽđ đđŤ đđđđđ˛ x reader (gender not mentioned/implied/specified); SYNOPSIS: Your first meeting with him was anthing but charming. Especially when he cornered you to the point, where you know you'll have no choice but to submit. TW. implied age gap, manipulation, threatening (?), red flag, power imbalance;
đŚđđŹđđđŤđĽđ˘đŹđ
"How can I help you, sir?"
"Be my sugar baby."
You blinked owlishly, trying to process what this customer said and if it was on the menu. When in fact it turned out that it isn't and you connected the words and their meaning, you were ready to burst out laughing.
He can't be serious.
Just by looking at him, you can tell he occupies a high position in some fancy corporation. You were even ready to bet that he was a CEO! It was a mystery itself why he was here, in a food chain restaurant in the first place. An enigma why he even said something like that to you, a plain worker who is pretty much opposite in every aspect one could think of.
He is handsome, you give him that. Probably older than you, since his face was more defined and mature. His suit, which you imagned to be tailor-made, colonge that was so strong you could smell it from behind the counter and all the expensive accesories (I mean look at his watch! Worth univesity tuition installment or two!) he had on were probably worth more than what you owned now.
But no, you aren't stupid. Sleep deprived, yes. Hungry, yes. Broke, also unfortunately, yes. But not stupid.
This man must be high then. No other sane and sober and filthy rich man would propose something like that to the (broke) food chain worker during the first meeting.
You took a deep breath, reminding yourself to be calm. He is still your client and you are fighting to be this employee of the month. You can already envision your photo hanging by the cashier and feel the additional money in your bank account. You won't lose your cool now.
Instead, you plastered your best fake smile.
"I'm afraid that's not on our menu sir. Do you fancy something else?"
The man chuckled, as if you told the best and poshest joke known to mankind. Your eyebrow twitched, yet your smile didn't budget.
Calm down...he is high...let him laugh...employee of the month...additional money...!
"You're more amusing than I thought." đđđ§đđđŤđ! đđŽđ đđŤ đđđđđ˛ wiped a stray tear from his eye. "Trust me sweetie, I love how you call me 'sir' but that doesn't change the fact that my request still stays. I want you to be my sugar baby."
"I'm afraid that's not possible, sir."
"Ho ho, everything is possible." đđđ§đđđŤđ! đđŽđ đđŤ đđđđđ˛ hid his hands in the pocket of his pants. He was staring down at you, like you were the most interesting thing he saw in a long while. You began to feel uneasy and slightly curled into yourself. You didn't like how mischievous his smirk looked.
A beat of tense silence passed, before he spoke again.
"I won't back down, sweetie. You know, I've learned that when you really want something, you should fight for it till you'll achieve it. This situation is no different than a business. I provide you safety and money, while you agree to be mine and fulfill my (every) requests." He finished his speech with a smile worth a million dollars, showing off his pearly white and straight teeth.
"Sir -- "
"After all, you wouldn't want your current life to crumble, hm?" You froze when his expression became sinister and his voice lowered to the point of mocking. In your gut you began to feel dread. You knew this feeling bery well. It appears whenever you sense danger. Currently, this man in front of you was a person who you should be afraid of. One thing for sure, he wasn't lying when he said he can destroy you in a matter of one call.
Money rules the world.
"Your measly, little thing, who believes something will change. That it is just a stepping stone. But what if I make it your prison? Force you to be stuck here until you break under pressure? In the end, you'll still agree to be mine, sweetie. It depends on you if you want to suffer or not."
And destroy those who are too weak and gets crushed under its ruthless rule.
"This choice is yours." đđđ§đđđŤđ! đđŽđ đđŤ đđđđđ˛ straightened his back and only now you realized he was holding a sheet of paper. "All you have to do is to sign this..."
You knew you have no choice.
"So pick carefully, sweetie."
All of the published posts on this account/blog belongs to @shooting-love-arrows. I do not consent to my works being: translated, stolen, published or reposted on this and other sites. Likes, reblogs, comments are highly appreaciated. Thank you.
#yandere x reader#yandere imagines#male yandere x reader#fanfic#x reader#imagines#yandere#headcanons#yandere oc#yandere x you#yandere simulator#yandere male#tw yandere#male yandere#reader insert#headcanon#yandere headcanons#male x reader#x female reader#x male reader#x gn reader#x y/n#drabble#yandere sugar daddy#yandere scenarios#yandere drabble#oc imagines#oc headcanons#s.l.arrows writes <3
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Solar Return Observations
đ Having a Scorpio Ascendent in your SRC indicates that youâll change a lot throughout the year, youâll be completely unrecognizable by the time your next birthday comes around. Whether that be your attitude, your physical appearance, your surroundings, or all 3. Youâre going to be experiencing significant change.
đ Jupiter in the 10th house means youâll be getting opportunity after opportunity in your career and your public life
đ Any planet conjunct your ascendent or in the 1st house of your SRC means youâre going to embody that planet for the year:
Leo Mars in the 1st house: Youâre going to be more confident, more energetic, gaining more attention this year, and more motivated to invest in yourself or doing things for your benefit
Venus conjunct ASC: More polite this year, taking care of your physical appearance, dressing like your ASC, finding the beauty in your surroundings, more interested in Venusian things, glowing up, being seen as more beautiful and/or feminine
Taurus Jupiter in the 1st: Attracting more wealth, eating more food, attracting luxurious things, more self confident, attracting opportunities that bring wealth and Venusian things, being seen as abundant and blessed
Pluto in the 1st: Embodying change, transforming your physical look and your attitude, changing your surroundings, changing people you come in contact with, being seen as powerful and mysterious
Neptune conjunct ASC: Embodying an angel, angelic like qualities, being projected on, people unable to figure you out, looking at the world with rose colored glasses, being an enigma, attracting people who need help, more spiritual, psychic gifts are at an all time high
đ Sun/Moon/Chart Ruler in the 12th house is asking you to do more things alone this year, spend time with yourself. Youâll need more recharging this year and your social battery may be low.
đ Having a Capricorn rising in your SRC means youâll come out of the year stronger and more mature. This year will test you and make you grow. Itâll be uncomfortable but worth it in the end.
đ Having your Chart Ruler or personal planets in the 5th house indicates a year thatâs fun, exploring hobbies, going on dates, invitations to social gatherings. A 5th house prominent year is a great year to heal your inner child.
đ Neptune in the 8th house people need to watch out for addictions this year. Whether that be drugs, food, gambling, sex, etc. Watch for obsessiveness - obsessions can easily become addictions
đ Mars trine Jupiter is a very abundant aspect. What you give you will receive in 10 fold.Â
đ Planets in the 10th house shine in your SRC, since the MC is the highest part of the chart.Â
đ Pay attention to planets in harsh aspect to your MC:
Venus/MC - being seen as shallow, having jealous coworkers, feeling like you donât deserve your job or social status, being walked all over, âimposter syndromeâ, people gossiping about your love life/significant other, public work romancesÂ
Moon/MC - being seen as moody, having problems with feminine energies at the workplace, letting emotions get in the way of your work, not being able to hide emotions, people reading you easily
Mars/MC - having problems with authority/masculine energies, not feeling motivated at work, procrastination, being seen as problematic and argumentative
Pluto in the 7th house: Attracting obsessive people this year, being obsessive over people this year. Transforming through relationships and transforming others. Meeting someone that changes your life for better or for worse, coming out of the year with different standards in regards to love
đ Any planet conjunct your POF is going to be significant. POF naturally brings out the positive traits in a planet even if it's malefic. Check the house these conjunctions are in to see what blessings could be coming your way this year.
đ Years where you have the same rising sign as your natal chart makes for a more comfortable and familiar year
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Masterlist
#astrology#astro observations#astro#astrology community#astro community#rising signs#sagittarius#scorpio#leo#cancer#solar return#solar return chart#solar return observations
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InstaJock: Going Viral
**Hey! This is my entry for @occamstfs Viral Transformation Challenge. Congrats on getting 2,000 followers, and thank you for beta reading this and helping me edit it. I hope I can get to 2,000 followers myself one day! For those who are new to my stories, this does connect to the plot established in my blog, but the concept is simple enough you should be able to follow along even if you don't usually read my stuff! I hope you all enjoy!**
When I talk about the InstaJock App Phenomenon â which I seem to do a lot. What is this, the 17th InstaJock related post? I need to diversify more â I usually talk about the transformation aspects and not the app itself. Thatâs partially because the transformation is the most interesting and hottest part, but itâs also because I havenât been able to take a good look at the app. Even with all the protective spells and equipment I have, I canât use a phone with InstaJock on it for very long without getting an urge to set up an account.Â
Until now.
With some help from the devilishly handsome (and literally devilish) Nick, Iâve been able to get my hands on some better equipment and better explore the app. I was able to spend a couple hours on it before I needed to quit, and actually got some very interesting information, mainly about how the app works post-transformation. I had always assumed that once a user got transformed into a jock, theyâd ignore the app from then on unless they wanted to change someone. I was very, very wrong, not just about that but about the purpose of the app itself. Itâs not just for making people into jocks: itâs for finding the best ones.
The app generally works like any other social media app, with its members posting about their interests. Itâs set up is a lot like Instagram, where pictures and videos are the main format used for posting, but what really makes it different from other social media apps is the content. You can probably guess what an app full of buff cocky jocks looks like, but Iâll confirm it for you: the app is a thirst trap paradise.
The entire app is stuffed with half naked â and sometimes fully naked â photos of buff jocks, ones of all different kinds. If you can think up a jock related stereotype, they have a full hashtag dedicated to it. Just buff jocks playing sports, flexing and making out with other hot people, for as far. I know that doesnât sound too different from normal social media apps, as most have a healthy NSFW side, but the posts have more in common then just showing jocks. Each and every post, every one that I saw, mentioned a Master. Some were talking about how they were getting pumped up at the gym for Master, some were talking about how they loved being jocks and were so glad Master had found them, and some were literally begging for Master to notice them, often wantonly describing how theyâd debase themselves and be the sluttiest jock ever, all for him. Everyone on the app would post at least once a day about this mysterious Master. It doesnât seem to matter if the jock is a dom, a sub, a top, a bottom, in a relationship, single, gay or even straight, all of them wanted this mysterious unnamed master â so much so they seemed to completely change personalities whenever he is mentioned. It seems instaJock has an additional side effect I didnât know about till now: complete and utter devotion to their Master.
It took me a while, and some covert interviewing of a number of jocks in their DMs, but I think I figured out what's happening. The Jocks arenât just posting for fun, theyâre competing with each other. InstaJock isnât really a social media app, itâs a sort of ranking app. Every day the jocks log on, post a picture of themselves with a caption somehow related to their Master, and leave likes on some of the other posts, usually the ones they find hot. If a jockâs post gets enough likes though, they get what every jock wants, what all of them are trying to get. They get to Go Viral.
Going Viral on IntsaJock isnât like going viral on a regular app. It essentially means youâve gotten enough likes, been reposted enough times, and have become popular enough on the site⌠that Master has noticed you. That's what the social media part of the app is really for. Itâs just a way for Masterâs jocks to organize themselves so only the hottest ones show up on his feed. If he really likes you, heâll do more than just look too. Soon that Jock will disappear from his regular life, never to be seen again, whisked away to become a part of Masterâs personal harem. This entire time the app has been about one thing: creating lovestruck sex slaves for the man who created InstaJock.
Like most actual social media apps, InstaJock jumps from one thing to another, and what's viral is always changing. But there are two tags that are always trending on InstaJock. The first, and most popular, is #JockMaster, which is only ever used by this mysterious Master when he makes a post. Iâve seen his account. He never shows his face on it, but from what little of his body that makes it into the photos, heâs⌠enchanting. As much as I hate to admit it, seeing just a bit of that creep almost made me drool. He usually only posts a couple times a week, as opposed to the jock who posts daily, but everything he posts goes viral on the app in moments. Iâll admit, there's something about his posts that is just⌠hypnotic. I almost set up an account after seeing one myself, and probably would have if Nick wasnât there to stop me.
The other tag that's always trending is⌠more interesting, at least to me. Itâs #MastersBoyfriend. Itâs another tag used only by Master, and one he uses whenever he posts a picture of one particular member of his harem.Â
Whenever he posts pictures⌠of my Uncle John.
I finally know who took my Uncle. I know who this Master is. I suspected it was him for a while, but now Iâm sure. The man who made InstaJock and the man who turned my Uncle into a slutty buff himbo are one in the same. I finally have proof.
So now what?
**The identity of the person behind InstaJock AND the person behind my Uncle's transformation and kidnapping has finally been revealed! Been working up to this for a long time, and I'm glad to keep this story moving forward! Hope you liked it as much as I do! Thank you to @occamstfs once again for being absolutely awesome and inspiring!**
#muscle growth tf#muscle tf#jock tf#jock transformation#jockification#nerd to jock#instajock tf#occam2000#The Master TF
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Screwed Up and Brilliant
Synopsis: Negan is ready for you. Daryl isnât; and maybe heâll never be. Negan makes that clear to you tonight.
Details: Negan Smith x fem!reader, Daryl Dixon x fem!reader (mentioned), Negan is a bad guy but there is nuanceâ at least I hope I accomplished doing so, angst, guilt, forbidden love, probably super stereotypical, reader at the Sanctuary, moral dilemma reader (but you got to understand, theyâre both so fine!!), I feel like I need more cws but I canât think of them and of course, smut, 18+: consensual, unprotected, vague dacryphilia, soft? dom!Negan, lite daddy kink, fingerings, riding, and basically just Negan blowing your brains out⌠but not in the walker wayâ the good way, the way we like. Amen.
A/N: Could you believe I started writing this in October or something? This is my first time writing Negan and Iâm scared I may not have gotten it right so definitely feel free to give notes! This is set during season 7/8, Iâm picturing Negan at the end of 8 and later seasons but thereâs something about him older that gives me heart eyes everywhere, but whatever you prefer makes me happy. Anyway, from my heart, and maybe somewhere a little lower, to yours; with love from writella. âĄ
Youâre screwed up and brilliant, look like a million-dollar man; so why is my heart broke?
ââ LDR, Million Dollar Man
The space was clean; minimal. The kind that let out no secrets of the owner that inhabited its insides. And of course there were the little things that let out some slight details: the ashtray on the nightstandâ a smoking habit; a ring, a metal chain, another of black ropeâ an unsuspected, albeit small, interest in jewelry; the bottom nightstand closed by a lockâmysterious and cautious, though that was to be expected. It was only reasonable heâd have something he wanted hide. But other than that, Neganâs bedroom was quite unreadable; almost purposefully mundane.
There was a fireplace, a window at the corner, and a bed at the center. It had a dark, brass, rusted headboard that leaned against the wall. Two pillows at either side. The sheets were white, and the large blanket was of fur, a tan or medium brown, it was thick and heavy. Probably unnecessary for the approaching spring heat, but it adored the bed end well; matching the other bronze, or brown, wooden and darker aspects of the room. Even the light from the small fire, though you could see clearly, made everything mildly dimâ the Sanctuary wasnât known for its brightness after all.
And truly, nothing in this bedroom, or in this fortress of a place could be described as anything close to bright. Unless you counted the sun outside in the courtyard, or the largest fireplace that blazed in the main hall, or Neganâs piercing, priceless smileâ so pristinely white, so wide it almost looked painful to perform. There was an eeriness to it as well. That was at the forefront, and everyone saw it. With the way he maintained their cleanliness, it was something that could look so pure, so put-together on any other; but on him, its power could scare you into worthlessness. Itâs the one he used when he told someone what to do even if they hated it; itâs the one he used when killing someoneâs best friend.
Itâs also the one he used on the first day he ever spoke to you. The first time that truly mattered, really.
It was during Neganâs first supply gathering at Alexandria.
You still remember it well.
Your faces filled with desolation, but chins held high; you were strongâ good at hiding the pain, the fearâ only straight, pokered eyes and mouths allowed as everyone silently agreed with you. You had told Negan that Maggie was dead.
The Widow, he had coined her. The wife of your good friend that he killedâ so generous a man was Glenn, even when he wasnât trying to be. And sheâs your friend too, brave Maggie. Thatâs the one he wanted, but as far as he knew, she was gone.
Thank God, you thought, Thank God, yes, indeed, untilâ
Neganâs eyes glazed over your frame for just a moment too long.
You werenât speaking anymore. You kept it short enough. He should have turned his attention back to Rick but he didnât.
Where there was sly roguery in Neganâs eyes, anxiety weld in the looks of all others: Rickâs throat tensed and tightened uneasily, sweat trailing down his curls and onto his forehead; Rositaâs jaw clenched with bitterness, brows furrowing under her green khaki cap with anger; and then there was Gabriel: his eyes turned from solemnity and pretend peacefulness to wide bewilderment. The plan you two exchanged had worked: you would tell Negan of Maggieâs passing, as per your idea, and Gabriel would swiftly solidified your lie by saying he was the one who officiated the short funeral. But then, another problem arose; one where he could be nothing else but helpless in aiding you. What was he, or anyone to do? It was easy to help Maggie, she was more than twenty miles away. But you, you were here. Right in front of him.
âWait a minuteâŚâ Neganâs pointer shakes lightly by his temple, his mind turning curiously. âYou.â He said, shooting his finger in the direction of your chest.
His smile, mischievous as ever, only grew wider as a moment passed and he made his realization: âYouâre the one with that- tight- grip!â He balled his raised hand into a fist as he said it. A slight snicker came after, proud of his entendre. âMy men were tryna put Daryl in the trunk and you latched onto his foot like it was your dying- act- whichââ you attempt to lessen the startle in your eyes at his upward hitch in tone, ââit most certainly could have been.â
Negan comes closer now, his face nearing your own, âBut you know better now, right?â
Obviously, you did not.
Or you would have stayed home, not given him the chance to remember you as he said he would after your nails could no longer claw into Darylâs ankle. He was thrashing too much and Neganâs men pushed you away; they were too strong together against the two of you. They kicked dirt in your face for it, held a gun to your head until Negan told them to stop. His point was made with your two friends he had killed, no need for anotherâ especially not one who amused him like you had just done.
âDAYUM. She is surprisingly strong!â He had yelled, ignoring the weeping faces of you and the group kneeling in a line on the ground; sweat, blood, and tears dripping everywhere. âAnd I do like âem loyalâŚâ He had given you a once over while telling his men, âHands off, gentlemen,â and before returning his attention back to Rick, he added, âIâll keep my eye on you.â
And he did.
You made an impression.
Now youâll pay.
Rick should have told you why he wanted you to stay with Judith. He remembered what Negan said too. He remembered what Negan said to everyone. He couldnât forget. But maybe it didnât matter. It was only the start of Neganâs day here. Maybe he would have found you anyway.
Rick would feel it was all his fault nonetheless, but all you could think about is how truly, it was your own, and no oneâs at all.
The sun allows glints of wickedness to sparkle in the whites of Neganâs teeth as he continues imparts his demand, âFrom now on, donât stop me when Iâm giving an order, okay?â Itâs like you can hear him underlining his words just with his darkened voice. Turning his waist, he extends his hand to everyone as he finishes, âAnd that goes for all of you.â
You force your face to remain leveled as he meets your eyes again, that cheshire look returning directly toward you. He curls his head to the side, whispering near your profile, âSo⌠youâre his girl, huh?â
Your mouth becomes slightly agape. You donât even realize it before you can try to close it. He asked the question of aversion, or at least thatâs what you assumed it was to Daryl.
You knew it was just his way, that speaking about things like this might have not been his strong suit. Besides, there were more things to worry about almost all the time, but it still hurt to know that when asked, the only complete and honest answer there could be was no.
Your eyes trail down slowly, desperate to avoid his, and Darylâs faceâ a few feet away from youâ turning to the side, looking at nothing. He could not hear what was being asked, but maybe Rick did, Rosita and Gabriel too. It was unclear, but their eyes prodded with more tension, more worry, Daryl could register that, and even more so, he could not stand Neganâs face that close to yours; he was probably trying to make an advance on you, scare you, or both. He pretends not to care, but ultimately itâs useless. Negan detects your expression and turns to look at Darylâs; he notices both failing attempts at impassivity.
âOh,â he muses, voice returning to its normal volume, âor not, my badâŚ. I guess that does make more sense though.â He speaks louder now, casually, like heâs a close friend consoling you about your boy troubles, âI personally havenât been able to hold a conversation with the guy either, and Iâm just tryna be friends.â
Daryl was right. Negan was weaseling his way in. He snarls because of it.
Only Dwight hears this and sends him a warning glare.
You feel the sweat beading from your hairline to the nape of your neck. The danger felt from Neganâs presence was as thick as the sunâs heat that shone directly on the cemetery grove. Itâs hard to look up and especially to look at him directly for that long as if he truly was the fire in the sky, so you look down again.
Negan pats your shoulder sympathetically, his hand then going to hold up your chin, his thumb tracing your jaw softly.
It makes Darylâs arms twitch and his stance jerks forward, but heâs pushed back, Dwight beating him on the chest. Itâs only once but you can hear it, everyone heard it.
It only makes Neganâs grin become more sly becauseâ there it isâ a reaction; an answer. It makes what heâs about to do that much more sweet: âFuck, darlinâ. Iâm sorry. Idiot,â he tisks. Then more quietly he adds, âIâm not one though.â
This time itâs for sure: Rick caught that, and Rosita too. They give each other an alarming look as Negan continues to trail over your dispirited form, like a wilted flower. His hand lowers back down to your shoulder, then trails to your arm, to the elbow, and then off of you entirely.
Despite the feeling of Lucille under his grasp telling him he shouldnât, Rick urges himself to speak before Negan says what they all know is coming. âNegan,â he starts, swallowing the slight shake in his voice, âwould you like to see the pantryââ
âDid I ask you to speak, Rick?â Negan states, his frame still positioned in front of you. âIâm thinkinâ here⌠Iâm thinkinâ⌠particularly, that you should come with me.â
Daryl makes a sound that you couldnât hear, for Dwight was already barking a âShut up,â at him. Only the swat he gives to Darylâs shoulder is what is once again heard by all.
You almost choke on your gasp, but you hold it in. Only letting out the faintest sound as you ask, âWhat?â
âYou heard me,â he plainly says. âI mean, what do you even do here anyway?â
You almost felt embarrassed to answer.
âNo, Iâm askinâ. Seriously. Does Rick actually utilize you?â
As you begin, your voice is still quiet, âI⌠I work in the garden, with the produce⌠I help tutor the kids⌠I go on runs, gather supplies. I cook. Help with weapons maintenance, Iââ you stop, realizing your grocery list of jobs probably sounds pathetic to him, youâre like a chore boy, ââ I do a lot. But everyone does.â
âHm,â Negan responds, playing with his nails nonchalantly. Your thoughts come to fruition with his next words, âSo youâre just everyoneâs helper?â
He noticed the sad offense emanating from your eyes, so he raised his hands, âAnd those are important things to do, I mean it. It must mean you know quite a bit from everyone, thatâs smart, and thereâs no trouble in it. But⌠I saw you. I think you can do more.â
âHow?â You can still only gasp out your words. âIâm not Maggie. And sheâs not here.â
âNo.â He brings up one finger, âBut youâre clever,â you look at him confused as he brings up his middle finger to join the first, âand quick on your feet, that I now know.â A third and fourth finger comes up, âYouâre strong, youâre loyalâ things Iâve stated before.â Then the fifth he says with a smug smile, âAnd youâre a looker, I must admit.â He moves his hand to one side of his mouth, pretending to secretly tell you, âBut thatâs just a plus,â he winks. âAnd more importantly, it seems to me that just like most people in Prickâs community, you are undervalued and not paid attention to whereas I see potential.â He says it all so simply, he truly believes heâs offering you so much better that he finally ends by saying: âHm. Yeah. I think youâll be much better off with me.â
And so, with no true goodbyes said, in a van you went after Neganâs visit was done. A different one from Darylâs, of course. Taken away from the first home you had in ages.
Before the trunk door closed, Negan gave you parting words: âYou see?â He had said, âI told you Iâd remember you, didnât I?â
The words rang in your ears for the entire ride as they still do now, even more or less than two months later as you sit in his room.
Your heartbeat started to rise little by little as time went on and he hadnât arrived. With the window allowing you to escape into thought, you were left to think about the last couple of days, and specifically, the last time you were in here:
You were sitting with him on his bed. You had asked if you could talk about anything other than the world you two lived in now, and surprisingly, he obliged. It was nice. Sometime later, he had finally opened that locked drawer.
You heard him suck his teeth, what he was getting seemed lost, which allowed you to take a closer peek inside.
There was a picture of a woman. The first wife? The only real one? You couldnât tell and you wouldnât ask, it would have been too much. You didnât even get a good look at the woman anywayâ part of her face was covered and he was fast. But he saw your eyes, so you decided to take note of the books you caught a glimpse of, pretending it was the only thing you saw. You try to think of something to say⌠It did make sense he was a reader, at least even mildly if that was all it was. The way he describes his ideals, his persuasiveness, his dictionâ it impressed you, even if you disagreed with a lot of it. It was almost ironic that the only cover you saw was of a dictionary, the more valuable ones probably hidden under. âIs that where you get all your big boy words from?â You asked.
âSome of them,â he joked back, composing himself.
It was strange to almost catch him off guard. It was so unlike him to allow it, but what happened next felt even more surprising.
Whatever he got from the drawer was enclosed in his hand. He put the free one on top of the other as he started, âNow⌠I donât want you thinking Iâm growing soft on you. I just thought you deserve it becauseââ and then his voice fades. Even Negan, the ever curse-filled wordsmith, was finding it hard to describe in any other way that he was pleased with something as absurd as you not trying to escape anymore. He knew you would probably think that was the only reason for a gift, but then he opted for something that even you couldnât help but know was equally true, âYou donât seem to proactively hate me anymore. Youâre here. I appreciate it, so I wanted to,â he says sincerely. âThatâs all.â
Negan opened his hand, resting the piece in your palmâ it was a locket; lovely and rusted floral engravings all over it.
You felt sad that you thought it was beautiful, and even worse for knowing the reasons why he was giving it to you. No wonder his voice had faltered.
You remember the soft shock and awe on your face, how you said thank you and how your face felt so hot when you said it, how he asked you to turn, and how you looked at him from behind you after he put the piece on. He was so close and it felt like he was coming closer. You donât remember if that part was real, but you can see it so clearly that it must have been. Unfortunately, the only thing you remember for certain is that knock at the door that sent Negan away to handle whatever was going on downstairs.
Had you almost let him kiss you? Would you have liked it? Are you the most deplorable person for even thinking that while Daryl was somewhere else locked up at the time?
âI see they delivered my message.â
You return from your daze, your startle leaving as soon as it comes.
It was just him. There Negan finally was.
âSorry. I didnât mean to just come in. The door was unlocked.â
âI knew the meeting was gonna go longer than expected; thought you might as well make yourself comfortable.â He gestures to you, âwhich I see you did, and noââ you were getting up from his bed, âitâs fine.â Negan sets Lucille near the door. He walks over to you, sitting down on the edge of his bed as well. There is a bit of distance between you two.
âYou know, I came back the other day,â he informs, âI was actually going to talk to you last night, but then I heard you tried to leave. Again.â His eyebrows furrow, âWe still on that?â He asks. âThought we had a breakthrough the other night.â
âBut after Carlââ
ââCarl,â he interjects, âcame here all by his badass self, and for that, I did not lay even my pinky fuckinâ finger on him.â His hand goes to his chest, âI even took him home like a gentleman. And after I got here and found out they put you in a cell without supper, I had you back in your bed before midnight yesterday, so Iâd say Iâm doing pretty well.â
âSeriously?â Your incredulity is hidden under the softness of your voice as you say it, but itâs cracking.
âAs a heart attack. Itâs your ex-people who donât listen. At least I was nice this time.â
You sigh heavily, docility officially fading. You shake your head with a slight chuckle, âThatâs hard to believe. Especially if you were gone for most of the day. I know what that means. You had whatever the fuck your version of fun is.â
He grits his teeth, holding his words back. Youâve gotten a little too comfortable with the back talk, and you especially shouldnât be saying anything after the night you had yesterday, but he allows it.
This time.
Of course, he didnât like you leaving, but he rather that it was Daryl who escaped than you. And based on the bruises: one on the side of your head, one high on your shoulderâ he imagines you might have gotten pushed against a wallâ and the light ones that littered in a couple of spots on both your armsâ he could tell his men must have been rough with you as they brought you back. He didnât like that; therefore, he lets you quip. Someone would be getting their own bruises for it some time later anyway. He would take your smartass mouth out on them to cover for it.
âMaybe,â he finally says. âNothing was undeserved though.â
You breathe in, the back and forth was no use. âWhat happened yesterday?â You asked, losing the sarcasm. Your eyes peered into his for honesty, hoping to skip the sly replies and get to the truth. âJust tell me what happened at home.â
Home. You knew better than to use that word. In fact, you have just stopped using that word. He let out an exasperated laugh, but skipped the lecture. âYou want the truth? Or just the SparkNotes?â
You roll your eyes lightly. You probably donât even notice you did it. Despite the situation being discussed, it makes Neganâs head turn endearinglyâ your tone of voice, the things you say, the way you react to him⌠you still donât realize how fresh youâve gotten with him, how comfortable. But he sees it.
âAlright. Well, Spencerâs gone.â He reveals offhandedly, replying to your silence.
Your eyes do not widen, you know what gone means. You simply nod and try to not think about how the now-cleaned bat most likely looked before.
âAnd donât tell me that you care,â he says, pretending to interject to your continuing silence. âYou gotta know he was a small dick nepo-prick, right?â
You bite the inside of your lip, shaking your head slightly. You wonât give in to a cheap joke even if it was pretty accurate, so he beckons you by name, âCâmon, that was funny.â
Still, you give him nothing.
He sighs; taking off his leather; and sits near you on the bed, his hands cupping the ledge. âThought we were finally over this quiet thing.â
âA lot has happened this week.â
âLikeâŚâ he prodes. He would only talk about it if you brought it up.
Your eyes shut tightly before opening again. You didnât want to say it, but you had to. âYou know what. Daryl.â
He states the fact plainly, âDaryl left you.â
âAre you kidding me?â Your voice is fierce now. You canât believe it. You wonât. âHeâs not that kind of person and this isnât an easy place to get out ofâ I obviously know thatâ he wouldnât.â
âOh, I know,â he jeers, âbut he did and he didnât bring you with him. Even though you were found trying to find his cell. Thatâs some real idiotic bullshit right there, isnât it? From both of you.â
You glared at him hotly, you wouldnât give it up, but unfortunately you had no rebuttal. Both of you would just continue on with the same argument, the conversation going nowhere. And not because either side knew they were completely right; in truth, neither of you actually knew what happened the other day. But in this regard, you felt there was no other choice: you believed in Daryl fully.
Because he wouldnât.
He couldnât.
Right?
You continue shaking your head, trying to find something to say in retaliation as you feel your sureness withering. Separating you two was the smartest tactic. You now have nothing to hold onto. âHe wouldnât,â you repeat pathetically, âI donât believe you.â Unfortunately itâs not quite enough, so he continues with a rant you know all too well.
âYou donât believe me?â He cups the ends of the bed more tightly, positioning himself closer to you. âWhen Iâm the one who gave you the safest roof? Secure food, clean water, access to all these pretty dresses, which, I know youâve become accustomed toââ and here it comesâ âI saved you!â
Saviors and their âsaving,â you sneered at it. What bullshit. âYou didnât save me.â
âBut I gave you someone to talk to⌠Huh?â He taunts, waiting for your response but nothing comes. He uses it to his advantage, âYouâre quiet cause you know itâs true.â
But you know something too. He says it before you can.
âOr fuck, maybe I just gave myself someone to talk to.â
You pretend you canât hear the earnesty in it. âStop,â you scoff. âDonât treat me like Iâm special. I was the second choice.â
âI think with my dick sometimes. Youâre the only choice.â
You start to shake your head, your face is flushed; scared, hot, and a little bit of something else that you refuse to let out. Then the tears comeâ the room feels so big and you two are so close and there are so many feelings youâre trying to push down. âIt doesnât matter,â you say wearily, âYou took me. And you took him. You hurt him, I saw his face.â Your voice begins to tremble, almost in unison with the tears that peak out on your eyelids. âAnd that outfit you put him in. He didnât even look me in the eye.â
âStop,â he warns.
âYou didnât even let me see him.â
âHe doesnât notice you.â
âYou donât know us.â
âI know you.â
âYou donât know him.â
âI know youâre not happy⌠What about the other night?â
You ignore him, shaking your head: âYou hurt my friends.â
âWhat about the other night?â He persists, his voice slowly growing louder. âWhat about every time I let you sit in on my meetings? What about how you have your own room? What about how I actually talk to you?â
âYou let him get hurtââ the tears start to fall, there is a quiver in your voice but you still match his near shout, âAnd you almost killed Carlââ
âShut up.â
âAnd you killed Abrahamââ
He warns you by name.
âAnd Glenn! Maggieâs husbandââ
âSHUT. UP.â
âThe baby wonât have a father, Negan!â
His voice is low and grim as he demands you to âStop. Now.â Negan grabs the sides of your neck as he says his next line, it comes out brisk and harsh and heavy like his touch as his hand wraps around your neck. âI knew you lied to me.â
Your voice is hushed, feeling his lightly pressed thumbs on the front of your throat as you speak shakily, âIâve never lied to you.â
âMaybe not since youâve been here, but did you hear yourself right now?â He pauses, allowing you a second to let it sink in. âYou just fucking proved it.â
Your eyes widen at the realization. The baby, you had said. Fuck.
âSee? Told you, you were smart.â
And he did. Brave Maggie. Clever you. That was his reason number one.
âYou have to get why.â
His voice remains eerily calm. âI do.â
Another tear falls and his thumb presses its pad under your eye, spreading a tear on your face as the next one comes down.
âNeganâŚâ you say. Itâs a mix of a warning and a plea but you canât tell for what, both fear and fire mix together because of his proximity. His touch and stare was dangerous, you wouldnât be surprised if he was pleased he caught your slip up, thrilled to see you cry, but there was also something about itâ his touch, his eyesâ that was equally intoxicating. There was something more tender there as well, something you didnât want to turn away from, he wasnât as rough as you thought. Nonetheless, your answer to these conflicting feelings are ones of neglect, you stay your course. âYouâre a bad person,â you tell him.
âPlease,â he whispers back, âjust stop.â
His eyes glaze over your features with an intent look youâve only seen once before, it was that other night in fact. Itâs almost gentle, but maybe itâs just pity, so you donât let it stop you. âBut you are.â
âStop,â he pleads, then itâs hushed, âjust stopâŚâ he says, âjust stop.â Then he starts coming closer. âTell me to stop.â
And you know you should get up.
You should, you should, you should, you know it butâ you donât.
You breathe into it.
His lips latch onto yours; your heads tilt; you lock perfectly.
Everything after happens fast, the instantaneous mess of it all: he waited and waited, and of course he would. He was waiting for you to see it, to feel it. He thought the other night was the breakthrough, but no, it was tonight, it was how you didnât back away just now.
His hand goes lower on your leg, nearing your knees so he can get under your dress, trailing up your thigh, reaching the inner side thatâs pressed up to the other one.
His hand on your neck brings you in closer, traveling up to under your chin and jaw, holding you so tight, but so sweetly. All you felt was surprise. He slips his tongue in, it's deep and intense. He brings a velvet warmth that youâd never expect from him. It was paradoxical; a fiery heaven of a feeling.
He starts rubbing your clit over your panties, kissing his way up to your ear as he does so to ask, âWhenâs the last time someoneâs fucked you?â
Your lips are parted, but you cannot speak, so he continues.
âDaryl never did, did he?â He asks in a muffle, continuing to kiss and kiss. âWho was before him?â
Again, no verbal response, but your breath does hitch at his touches. He continues to draw circles, your wetness now slowly dampening the material, making it easier for his finger to place itself between your folds, so he dips his hand under the band. That and his whispering makes you feel a kind of spark that shoots all the way down to where his fingers are touching. The first press of his thumb without any material in between forces a sudden heat to rise that instantly causes a flush of liquid to slip down your hole, it feels messier than it actually is until his fingers go lower spreading it everywhere. You were much wetter than you thought, and you canât help how good it feels, how easily youâre responding to it.
Negan calls your name, holding in every cocky reply he wanted to give about how wet you areâ he needed an answer to his question first. So he looks you in the face, making sure he has your full attention, âYouâre fuckinâ with me, right?â His words are meant more genuinely than his tone implies. âNot at all during any of this?â
You shake your head small and slowly. No.
He laughs pitifully, he doesnât mean it rudely, but he just canât help it. A touch-starved baby at the mercy of his fingertips? âWell, god-damn.â
He felt like a rich man.
He begins to kiss your lips again, now pumping his fingers into you. Your walls tighten. Itâs only two, but theyâre his. Itâs new and exciting. His kiss makes you lean into the bed, the force of his head and tongue going deeper into your mouth guiding you to lay flat as his fingers still play.
âI hope you know how fucking soaked you are,â he finally says. âYou need it so bad that it feels this damn good with me only touching you like this?â You canât help the way your body jerks up and he canât help but be smug about it. âCanât say Iâm surprised.â
Your eyes grow vicious at his grin, you almost want to hit him, but you canât. All you can do is suppress your moan into a quiet whine. Heâs so magneticâ his touch feels forbidden but so right; his voice so alluring; and his midas touch pulls you deeper and deeper into a trance, you might as well be turning into gold. Other than the involuntary reactions your body makes as his fingers continue going into your hole, now slowly going in and out as his eye gloss over your body in your favorite dress that you wore the most, youâre left paralyzed; subjected to following his lead. Wherever he wanted to go next, youâd let him.
He takes his fingers from inside of you and you look up quickly. You made sure not to whine at the loss of contact but your eyes couldnât hide your dismay. All he did was smile and quickly lick away the wetness.
âJust takinâ this off,â he tells you as his hands cross over to the ends of his white t-shirt, slipping it off and onto the ground, one of those small rope chains hitting his chin as he does so.
It was only his shirt but youâre struck by him: to see more of his ever present sun-kissed skin felt almost godly. He was pretty lean, not too lanky like his stature, but not too broad either. Light curves of muscles adorned his chest and shoulders and arms. His chest and abdomen were slightly hairy, a tattoo placed on the upper right side and you finally saw the other tattoos placed on his upper arms more clearly. They looked nice on him. He was so handsome. You felt more wetness peeking out from down below. He looked so big above you.
âLike what you see, beautiful?â That typical snark still laced his voice, but there was a genuinity to it as well. He wanted you to like what you saw; to like him.
His words make your face hot, eyes casting off to the side. It was easier to talk to him when you were mad at him, when it was about home, even just small talk about the Sanctuary; this felt⌠different. Just like the other night.
You had almost already forgotten that his charm worked this way too; in a kinder wayâ when his eyes are wide, when his smile is soft, when he calls you sweet names without the irreverent, quip-filled pretenses.
It made you have all the words on the tip your tongue: how handsome and sexy you could say he is, how much you liked his tattoos, even all the greys that littered his hair and beard l, or how, if you had to admit it, you liked that dumb shit-eating grin of his, but all you can do is lightly smile, a quiet laugh escaping your lips at your bashfulness. You finally nod. âYes,â you say, rolling your eyes, âmaybe.â
He starts undoing his belt with a laugh of his own, âOh I know youâre a fuckin liar if you think Iâm a maybe.â
As his pants drop to the floor he takes each hand and places them over your shoulders on the bed to ask, âMay I take off the ladyâs dress?â
Your eyes widened, your open mouth only letting out a sweet, surprised, and whispered, âHuh?â
âWhat? Didnât expect me to be a gentleman?â
You try to compose yourself, calm the fire you feel all throughout your body, and pretend you havenât already given in completely right when he kissed you. âI just didnât expect it would be all this slow.â
He laughs inwardly, glad to see the personality he came to know come back after all that happened these past two days. âJust give me a moment,â he jokes back. âYou think Iâm gonna waste seeing the reaction of you watching my cock spring out just so I can shove it in fast? â He comes closer, his voice lowers now, âBelieve it or not, I donât think youâre just some doll or a fuck-piece.â The groundedness of his voice is something youâve never heard before. âIâm pretty sure Iâve already stated that I see you. And truly, I think youâre damn gorgeous.â
Your eyes are stars. How can you even react? He thinks youâre gorgeous and youâre taken aback. âThank you,â is all you can quietly say.
âYouâre welcome.â He responds with eyes that have never looked so honest, so soft. You get lost in them and he has to pull you back, returning to his question, âMay I?â
You nod, quick and excitedly, âYou can take it off, Negan.â
He grabs your hands and stands you up. You look up at his face and his fingers move to the ends of your dress, pulling it over your head.
The tips of his fingers trace your chest and stomach lightly, delicately touching your skin as if itâs porcelain. He grabs your waist and travels up to take off your bra, then pushes down your wet underwear.
Neganâs cock stirs at the sight, youâre so pretty and so ready for him. âAnd I didnât even need to see it to know I was right.â Just like he said, youâre gorgeous.
Negan pushes down his boxers. Cock springing up. Big and veiny with a red tip. He was itching to get inside of you.
And there you were, eyes and mouth open wide, scared and excited all at once. You were intimidated but surprisingly not scared if it would fit or not. You would let him do anything to get himself inside of you, even if it hurt.
âThere it is,â he says, pleased with your reaction. He comes closer to your ear now, pushing you down by the hips against the bed once more. âAnd trust me, if you like that, you wonât fucking believe how Iâll feel inside of you. Just wait.â
âIâŚâ He wanted to make you feel good, youâre almost speechless. âIâm ready.â
âGood.â He says, and then he places himself above you, admiring your glistening folds as he spreads your legs. He already lines himself up, he could look at you forever but he is in no desire to wait any longer. He pushes in. Itâs a bit fast, a tight fit, it must have hurt you, but heâs too excited, he canât help it. He lets out a hum and then a groan at the feeling of your walls enclosing him, and he hears you gasp at his size. He starts to pump into you immediately.
His face hovers over yours. His eyes study your features and he realizes heâs never been this close. Of course he hasnât, heâs never fucked you, made love to you. Heâs just now noticing the way your eyelashes curl, what birthmarks adorn your upper body or not, and how many earrings you may have, but most importantly, heâs noticing the way you react to him: the way your eyebrows might scrunch, or what elicits more pants and squirmings, the way your lips tug tightly against each other or open into ovals and circles depending on what he does, how he thrusts, where he touches, how he moves.
It all makes him slowly speed up. He canât take it anymore. He kisses your neck and jawâ some kisses sweet, then others that are rough and he begins to pump and pump. Faster and faster.
âOh,â you choke out before moaning, âah.â
He continues, loving every facial expression you make until he finally speaks. âAlright. I gave you a breakâ now tell me how it feels?â
All you can do is whine incoherently.
âExcuse me?â He says more sternly. You know what he wants.
âNegan,â you whine again.
He stops. âYes?â He asks all too knowingly. âGonna use your words and tell me how it feels?â
You sigh, taking the hand placed on your hip and moving up toward the ends of your stomach, all the way up to your left breast. You let his hand rest there, feeling the heat and your quickened heartbeat radiating from the area. âYou⌠you feel so good.â Your eyes are watery, âAmazing.â
You got him there, and he almost canât help but start hammering it in, but then he remembers⌠he doesnât have to help it. He could do whatever he wanted, so he does. He squeezes your breast, grinning wildly as he gives you one hard thrust. âDamn right,â he tells you, hearing your yelp before pounding fast.
You had always been quiet but he never quite saw you at a loss for words as you are now. Your mouth is completely open, your eyes threatening to roll back further, making sounds heâs sure youâve never heard from yourself before. Have you even had it this fast? This big? This great? He knows it couldnât be. And heâs the one who gets to show you. His eyes gloss over you with pride at the thought.
He grabs your chin to get you to look at him, âWhoâs fucking you this good?â
You moan. You werenât used to this. Your eyes roll back completely as he pounds into you with eye contact.
It makes him groan loudly, his jerks into you, letting out his own moan from the sight. âOh fuck, baby. Donât play with me.â
You give in, force yourself to speak, you canât let this end. âYou, Negan!â
âOh yeah?â
âYes!â Itâs so hard to speak, it comes out so pathetically.
âWho's making you feel like no one else?â
âYou, Negan, itâs you!â Your moan turns into a pant, âItâs you, only you.â
He comes closer, his nose touches yours. His movements slow, but they donât stop. Heâs rocking into you now. âOnly me?â
You donât even think, âWho else? It's only you.â
His teeth sparkle, âOnly me.â
âOnly you, daddy.â
He laughs cockily, âSo Daddyâs making you feel this good?â
âYes, daddy. So good.â
You feel the groan he makes travel right to your clit, making it throb.
He kisses you, the corners of your lips to your cheek and neck and collarbones and back up again.
He restarts his pumping into you but his head remains close to yours. You decide to wrap one of your arms around his neck, pulling his hair, and the other hand travels down his back, holding him close.
Negan breathes you in, his head near the crux of your neck, hearing every little sweet sound you make that heâs never heard before. It all drives him wild, but then his eyes open. A question comes out that surprises you both: âAm I ruining your life right now?â He quietly asks.
âThat doesnât matter,â you say, breathing heavily from his touches, your eyes are still closed.
âI think it does.â
âYou make me feel like no one ever hasâŚâ The bliss you feel from his current soft strokes and touches making it hard to speak, your voice is so light. âAt least I got to experience it.â You open your eyes now, fingers tracing the cross drawn into his arm, âAt least I got to see the real you.â
Your eyes say more than your words do. Thereâs a yearning and a sadness, an answer to what feels right in this moment, but an insight that there are doubts that could creep up later the more that you think about it.
âJust keep going,â you tell him, âI want to see you.â
You want to see him, you do see him. His head connects with yours again, and you moan into each other's mouths as he keeps pumping. Your legs come up to his hips and youâre not afraid to be loud anymore, to tell him how good it feels, how much you like him.
He takes your hands and places them over your head, crossing his fingers with your. Itâs so pure, so lovely even when heâs going so hard down below. You hear your breaths heavy and your bodies slapping and the bed shaking.
You think about his skin, and his scratchy beard against yours, and the way you hate how he can make you smile by making the most ridiculous and raunchy jokes, and the way you love his voice, the way you canât help but to like the way he cares for you.
âNegan,â you say weakly.
âYes,â he responds intently.
âIâm gonna come,â you tell him. âI think I can.â
âCome for me,â he encourages, moving one of his hands down to rub your clit. âCâmon.â
âIâm gonna come,â you repeat, edging yourself on. Bucking up at his thrusts and his fingers.
âYou can do it. Be a good girl. Do it for me.â
You swear the fireplace blazes louder and bigger, lighting up the whole room as you yell out, moaning once more as you orgasm.
Negan finally breaths out after, holding in for so long, and comes after you. His hands place themselves flat on the bed and he pushes in fast, riding out the high.
He scoops you up immediately, holding you in his arms. He doesnât want to let go.
You two stay there for a moment until you look up. His hand caresses your face, âWhat is it?â
âIâŚâ you were embarrassed to admit that you werenât ready for it to all be over yet. âCan I ride you?â
A wiley smile appears on his face. He has to admit, heâs a little shocked youâre ready to go again, but heâd never turn it down. âWell, of course you can, babygirl.â
He flips you over, completely ready, but instantly, you become hesitant, almost overwhelmed. He was the world, not you, yet you were now above him. All the allowance to touch him anywhere you want at your disposal.
He puts his hands under his head, arms flexing. An ever wide smile present as he waits for you to begin. âYou asked for it. Donât get shy on me now.â
Your eyes grow excited again, deciding not to hold back, and you start to rock against him. You place you hands on his chest, feeling him up, touching his biceps, hands going over his tattoosâ you could stare at them, at him, for hours. You honestly think youâd lick his whole body if heâd let you. And of course he probably would. To feel big and proud and irresistible while you look like a little desperate freak? You wouldnât even have to ask him twice. Thinking about it and about how full his cock is making you feel, stretching and reaching all the right places, makes you moan and whine. You bucked your hips wildly, humming and giving him âmmmsâ because of how yummy it feels. You could do this forever.
âAh- uh- Negan,â you moan and your stomach caves as you whine again and you hurl forward, continuing to rock but your pace is faltering. Itâs becoming too hard and Negan can tell so he takes you by the hips, helping you move. First continuing to let your grind and then pushing you up and down his shaft so you can bounce on him. You push yourself up again, hand on his chest, pushing against it and you bounce along with his help. This was fun. You try to go faster and faster. It felt like being a kid on a playground.
âOpen your eyes,â he demands. âLook at who youâre fucking, sweetheart.â
So you do, and moan at the sight of him, âOhmygod,â you say. âYouâre so handsome, Negan.â
He's so proud of you. Enjoying your actions, enjoying your noises. He groans as he sees your breast bounce and it makes you squeeze against him.
âGood girl,â he coos, âfinally listening when youâre spoken to, about to make yourself come on daddyâs cock again.â
He starts to rub your clit again and you continue to bounce. It almost hurts because of how overstimulated youâve become but you donât tell him to stop. Your hands come to reach the headboard, helping you bounce harder. He tells you again how much of a good girl you are, how he loves that youâre not stopping, then he tells you how dirty and desperate you are for wanting him again after he already made you come. But heâs obsessed. This is all heâs ever wanted since the day he brought you here. His hands trail up from your hips to your waist and breast and back down again. There is nothing more he wants than to fuck you or for you fuck him.
You look down. You both notice your necklace still wrapped around your neck, almost nearing between your breasts, bouncing along with all of you. It reminds you of why you're here, why he gave it to you. It makes you have the realization he had⌠Was he ruining your life? Were you ruining your own? But how could you be when it all feels this good? It was completely screwed up, but everything felt so magnificently brilliant. His touch is everything, his voice is everything, his body is everything. It makes your hips stutter, it makes you moan, and at last, it makes you come again. You ride your high, going and going and going until you fall into his chest. His hands come to hold you tight thereafter.
Unthinkable bliss is all that is felt for a long moment⌠then⌠your head turns to the window. You remember what is out there and what isnât in here.
A tear falls down your cheek and he realizes whatâs happening when it falls onto his shoulder.
It hurts him now. To see you cry. Itâs not fun anymore. You feel it, yes. You see what he saw, itâs true. But you arenât really his wife. Youâre nothing that is his at all. You both know that as well.
It takes you a long time to speak, you have to force yourself, but you do. âYou have to let me go now.â You say it sternly but there is a sadness to it; a small part of you wants to not mean it even though you completely do, even though you do wish to stay here, to be enveloped by his embraceâ you simply cannot forget.
âMm,â he shakes his head, remaining leveled, âyou know too much.â
âI barely know anything,â you say. âAnd not that anything I do know matters. Knowing the way around the Sanctuary isnât going to help anyone when I know there is no way we could actually get inâŚ. And whatâs more important anyway is that Iâm not changing my mind and youâre not either.â
âIâm not.â
âAnd I canât. I wouldnât. And theyâre not going to. NeverâŚ. And if some of them dieâŚâ A whimper almost leaves you but you manage to swallow it, âI have to be by their side, Negan. I canât only hear about it. I⌠I canât see it next to you.â
His lips are pressed firm, his jaw is fixed and tight, almost like heâs grinding down on his teeth. The breath he takes through his nose could be a heavy sigh if he opened his mouth, but he doesnât. He keeps it all in.
You words and their weight hang in the air for a moment before he finally speaks: âOne of my guys that watches the armory doors has a shift that ends at 6:00 am⌠but at 5:50 Iâm going to come up to him and tell him he gets off 10 minutes early that day, that Iâll wait for the next person to come.â He lets his words hang in the air for a moment, your confusion spirals before he keeps going. âItâll be fucking weird, but heâll look dumb as shit if he questions me, so he wonât. Then when heâs out of sight, Iâll leave. The next person is coming right at 6. Thatâs all you get. 10 minutes. A little less really.â
Your eyes round slowly as the stun continues to sink in. Heâs⌠letting you leave.
âYou take one gun and one knife. Just one. Donât make it noticeable. Iâm going to check. Then you go out of the back door thatâs inside.â He didnât have to tell you the way. âIt should be easy, I know youâve tried it before.â
You look down, taking in all he says, but then he turns you face to meet his, âIf anyone sees you, Iâm gonna have to make a show of it when they bring you back. Not what I want. But if I get there before you get out, maybe 5:58, just cause Iâm an asshole, just to see you one last time⌠And if I do, Iâm gonna turn you around and youâre stayinâ. Fair?â
You nod. Itâs small and light. You donât question any of it, you canât. â8 minutes.â You respond.
â8 minutes.â His voice is neutral, but underneath there was a tinge of solemnity to it. â8 minutes,â he says under his breath.
âWhat about now?â
âNow?â He asks. He didnât think about it. He assumed you would want to go after this, after you got what you wanted. âWell,â he turns to his nightstand, âright now itâs half past 10.â He stares at you for a moment, you canât tell what heâs thinking. This whole moment has felt so quiet, both eerie and gentle. You still werenât used to the latter from him, even after what just happened. âYou can go if you want. Sleep in your bed for one more night, orâŚâ he stops, âYou can stay with me, if youâd like.â His sigh is short and whispered but you both hear it, you feel its weight. âItâs your choice.â
You stare at each other for a moment. Your eyes trail all of his face and the arm that is still holding your own, adorned with all the tattoos and skin you had just fallen for. You wanted to study them and hold onto him forever. And his eyes: they said so muchâ there were so many little inflections, ones that you had finally read, and so many others youâve yet to decipher. You desired to know him, but you had to go, so all you decided to do was to hold him. For now, you chose to stay, and hoped that your embrace would transfer the fact that the only reason it would be hard to leave is because of him and only him. You would remember this forever. â8 hours till 8.â
â8 hours till 8, kid.â
You close your eyes tight and nuzzle into his chest, A peace you had never known in the Sanctuary finally subsumed you. You feel free to finally tell him, âThank you. I really do miss home.â
Home. There it is again. There was no malice in the way you said it, but there was still a pang from your melancholy words that made his heart throb. You missed home. And as peaceful as you looked, and as safely as you held onto him, your words reaffirmed that home was not here and it was not with himâ no matter how you looked, and no matter the fact that you were allowing him to hold you for the night, to call you his. In the end, you were not.
He had to finally accept it.
â8 hours till 8,â are your last words until you finally drift to sleep. This would be your last and most tranquil night here. To you, it felt right, almost harmonious, albeit sad. This is how it was and how it was meant to be. You needed it.
But to him, itâs shattering. He doesnât repeat the phrase back this time because, for once, he has nothing to say. The fire glow of the night has now withered into darkness.
You won.
He lost.
But both your hearts broke.
#negan smith smut#negan smith x reader#negan smith fanfiction#negan smith x you#negan smith x y/n#negan x reader#negan x you#negan x y/n#negan smut#negan fanfiction#the walking dead smut#the walking dead fanfiction#twd smut#twd fanfiction#twd fic#the walking dead#negan smith
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THINGS I AM UNREASONABLY ANNOYED ABOUT BY GAME SYSTEM
D&D: Please put a disclaimer that you are not a universal system. Every time I see someone try to do a political mystery game in D&D, I take 3d10 psychic damage and have to make a death saving throw.
Pathfinder: Look. If i wanted to play a game about fighting Cthulhu there is an extremely famous game specifically designed around doing that. Literally no-one is ever going to say "Wow, I want to play a Cthulhu themed game! Time to stat up a musical halfling from a magical fantasy land!".
Chronicles Of Darkness: Just admit no-one uses any of your rules. You have Social Door Rules and Integrity Conditions and Corruption Levels and I bet at most 50% of COD players could tell me which of those I made up. Just admit people aren't dressing up as Alucard The Bringer Of Shadows because they want to sit down and do calculus.
World Of Darkness: You know that old guy who's still doing his job even though he is way too old to do it any more, but he's now an institution so you can't get rid of him? Like that. The 90s called and they want literally everything about this back.
Call Of Cthulhu: I appreciate the commitment to authenticity, but maybe stop hiring actual disgraced mental asylum directors from the 1920s to design your sanity system?
GURPS: Look. Look. Listen. We both know that you just want to write history textbooks. These are history textbooks with a few stat blocks begrudgingly put in. If you just give me a book on early Chinese history I will read it and go "ah, very interesting!". You don't need to put in a list of character choices. We're all nerds. We'll read them. Live your best life.
Powered By The Apocalypse: I actually can't think of anything wrong with PBTA. That's not a bit, this is literally the perfect system. Take notes everyone else.
Mutants and Masterminds/Heroes System: Your systems have probably the most customizable character creation in the world and you both just make reskins of the Justice League over and over again. Maybe we only need one "thinly veiled copyrighted characters" setting? You can fight over it once you decipher your combat mechanics.
FATE: Ok I won't lie, I have no idea how the fuck FATE works. I have read the rules repeatedly and played three games and I still have no idea what invoking an aspect means. I don't know why. I grasped the rules of fucking Nobilis but this one just psychologically eludes me. This is more a problem with me I guess, but I'm still annoyed.
Warhammer 40k: Have you considered spending less on avocado toast? Then you might be able to afford to charge less for things?
Exalted: Apart from the lore, the setting, the mechanics, the metaplot, the character creation and the dodgy narrative implications, I can't think of anything to improve here.
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A Good Night's Sleep(Aizawa Shota x Fem!Reader)
warnings: somnophilia, pet names, wet dreams, unprotected sex, smut, kissing word count: 1.2k pairings: Aizawa Shota x Fem!Reader summary: Shota is tired, so you two take a nap. you're awoken by your own wet dreams leaving you so needy... a/n: here's my first and CERTAINLY not my last Aizawa smut ;) banners by @adornedwithlight
Finding time to be intimate could be difficult considering the lives you decided to lead. Even for him to admit that he even needed to be intimate could be so challenging at times. You knew that Shota loves you, but the way he liked to show it would make most people wonder if they were even in a relationship.
The man rarely even gave you the time of day whenever you could find a moment alone together. You wondered if sometimes he still liked to act mysterious with you, even if it was just to keep things interesting between the two of you. He must just be trying to keep you guessing.
And considering everything going on lately, you wondered if he was even getting enough sleep. You always worried about that aspect of him. It just was part of you that you could never shake, even if you had known him for so long.Â
So the moment you two finally have some time alone, youâre not surprised at all to find that Shota wants to nap. He looks even more tired than youâre used to, so you donât say no. The look in his eyes is one that seems to be almost pleading with you to get into the bed with him.
With the curtains pulled back, the lights down low and youâre both in bed, itâs the perfect recipe for a good nap. Shota nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent greedily. He doesnât even show you this much affection whenever heâs around you during the day.
He murmurs a soft word of praise and a sweet âmmmâŚlove you.â before you can hear him snoring slightly. You rest against him, closing your eyes and falling asleep.
Your dreams are filled with the most lustful images. The man youâre snuggling with is now on top of you, kissing you, undressing you. His hands canât move fast enough. His eyes, though tired, are dark and full of desire. Heâs lighting this fire deep inside of you.
The more Shota kisses you, the more you find yourself getting aroused. Your thighs are sticky with your slick. His name falls from your lips in soft pants. Heâs just about to spread your thighs when you are jolted awake.
The sensation of his hands is still so real on your body. Yet, Shota is sleeping right next to you. Your neediness gets the best of you, so you roll over and you wrap your arm around him to pull him closer. He doesnât wake up; instead he lets out this soft moan.
Your hand wanders under the blankets, feeling the toned muscles of his body. He grunts softly, but still he lays sleeping. You know that just your touch is enough to make him feel things, but heâs not roused out of his sleep just yet.
Slowly, you push your hand into his baggy sweatpants. The minute you touch the tip, heâs breathing heavily through his nose. You werenât expecting him to be hard, so you wonder if maybe heâs been having similar dreams as you just had.
You begin to stroke him, using the precum from the tip to lubricate him. Still, heâs sleeping despite all the stimulation. Chuckling to yourself quietly, you lean in to begin pressing kisses to his neck.
Suddenly, you feel him turning to look at you. Thereâs this dark look in his eyes. Heâs not quite fully awake, but heâs conscious now. He looks at you like heâs about to devour you whole.
âJust what do you think youâre doing?â Shota asks.
You stammer, âI-IâŚwas justâŚâ
âYou were just what? Touching me? You better finish the job then, trouble.â
Your eyes widen a little. He grips your wrist, making you move it to stroke him once more. The way heâs beginning to buck up into your hand lazily makes the need that started to pool between your legs become even more apparent.
âYou wanted to wake me up from my nap, huh? Just for a little attention, isnât that it?â His questions make your head spin. âI know youâve been wanting this.â
Itâs not long before you find yourself on your back, your legs spread just like in your dream. Shota pulls down your pants, exposing your bare sex to him. Thereâs a mischievous, almost cheeky, smirk on his face as he slips his cock between your soaked folds.
âYouâre such a little problem, you know that? Canât a man just take a nap without a problematic little girl needing her pussy filled?â
Thereâs a moment where his eyes are scanning you completely. You always wonder what kind of look heâs giving you. Is he trying to erase your quirk momentarily so you wonât fuss and fight back or is he just assessing how aroused you are?
You let out a strangled moan as he pushes into you. You look down at where youâre connected and your jaw drops a little as you see him completely sheathed inside of you. Then without warning, Aizawa slumps against you.
âJust lemme sleepâŚâ his moans are a little more sleepy now. âNeed sleep.â
Despite his pleas for more rest, his hips begin to move. Heâs so deep inside of you like this, you canât help but hold onto him. Your nails dig into the meat of his back as heâs pumping into you over and over. The tip of his cock keeps brushing against that spongy spot inside of you, the one that brings white hot pleasure to your core.
âAre you always this wet when we nap together?â His voice is deep and raspy, his breath hot on your neck. âI bet you are.â
You canât even think of the words to argue back. Your brain is mush from the slow, painful pace heâs using. The only thing that can come from you are such cute whines. Aizawa has to bite his lip and take a deep breath to prevent himself from spilling inside of you too quickly. He didnât realize just how pent up he was until just now.
The minute your fingers tangle in his hair and you pull him in for that lazy, sloppy kiss, Shota knows heâs probably done for. He stills himself, allowing himself a moment to rethink everything. Then he smirks as he licks his thumb, bringing it down to your swollen nub.
âHaaaahâShota, pleaseâŚâ
Your whines are heavenly, but oh so bratty. He thinks to himself that he shouldnât be enjoying this so much, but the comfort of having your silky walls clenching around him as he lazily pumps into you is the most soothing thing in the world.
âYou were asking for this and now you canât take it?â He questions, a teasing lilt to his voice. âOh you are trouble, arenât you?â
He leans in to nip at your bottom lip before kissing you. Every move is almost calculated to tip you over the edge, despite his sleepiness. His eyes may be half-closed, but heâs keeping a very careful watch on you.
You scramble to try and grab onto him as you feel the coil in your stomach about to snap. Aizawa doesnât let up, instead he keeps such a consistency that drives you crazy. With a shudder, you fall off the edge, pulling him with you.
Warm, thick ropes of cum begin to fill you up. Your arms pull him in even deeper, if possible. Your moans are so sickeningly sweet, Aizawa swears heâs cumming harder than he has in a long time. And then slowly, heâs stopping his pace.
âNow,â he murmurs as he nuzzles against your breasts. âLet me sleep, trouble.â
reblogs and comments always appreciated!
Šactuallysaiyan 2024-- do not repost on other platforms, copy, translate or edit my works!
#bacon.writes#aizawa x reader#aizawa x y/n#aizawa x you#shota aizawa#shota aizawa x reader#shota aizawa x female reader#aizawa shouta#mha aizawa#shouta aizawa x reader#shouta aizawa#aizawa shota x reader#aizawa shota x you#aizawa smut#eraser head#bnha x reader#bnha x you#bnha aizawa
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To be Understood
Second part to "To be Seen"
Hey! I honestly didn't think people would like the last drabble as much as they did and I didn't have a pt.2 planned, but I decided to try and see where it goes.
Also, I am new to actually posting something and having feedback or having people want to be tagged, so I didn't do something right in the tagging process pls let me know :)
I am going to make this a little series bc I cannot fit the entirety of the story in one and actually make it comprehensive and not 10,000+ words in one one-shot. :)))
Plus, I think I could make this just the right amount of heart wrenching and fluffy >:)
Summary: Following up on his promise to keep a more watchful position in your newly transitioned life, Azriel attempts to get to know you and spend time in your presence. After the panic attack in the town of Velaris, more seeing eyes has been turned towards you from your friends. They are trying to make sure you are accounted for more than before, but time and pressure has some things slipping. Multiple awkward encounters and attempts to see eye to eye to the spymaster (in particular) leads to an intimate confession between the two of you.
Warnings: Slight mentions of PTSD recovery, anxiety, self-doubt, slight!jealous Azriel, Cassian is testing the waters with his brother again
Words: 2,668
previous part
The sun was the first thing your eyes adjusted to upon waking up. The slight breeze from the open window brought in the fresh smell of the dew and had your body relaxing further into the comfy sheets as the temperature in the room reflected that of outside. The eccentricity of your room bringing comfort and serenity and the little nicknacks you have collected since being here allowed a cozy feeling to emulate throughout it.
Feyre even mentioned how jealous she was of how comfortable and warm your room is, and mentioned she couldnât get hers to be similar even when she tried.
The memory had you smiling.
Stretching underneath the comfortable weighted comforter, you pull back the edge, allowing your body to be exposed to the colder air. Grabbing the longer silk robe that hung beside you, you made your way out of your comfort zone to the hallway towards the kitchen. Ever since your moment within the town, Feyre, Cassian, Mor, everyone had made sure that you were taken care of and heard. It took some time to get used to, admittedly, all the extra attention. At first you had slightly resented it as you could only imagine it as an act of pity and after you had an episode, you also understood that the type of thinking is how the eldest Archereon is as cold as she is. Plus, the time you spend with them has created strong bonds and happy memories for you.
It also had you picking up new hobbies that you never had time for before.
Turns out you can cook.
And bake.
Really well actually.
So well that often times when you bake a new treat or snack, upon knowing of its presence, the residents of the house would have it gone within the hour. It made you feel good, to be able to repay in some way the aid they have given you.
The mystery that is your abilities have yet to be explored since the outburst, but you also didnât mind as your head was finally wrapping around the circumstances you have been put through. Although, the High Lord or Rhys, had expressed interest in potentially figuring it out soon to see if it could help them and the court. You were all over it, and the aspect of integrating into this family further made you excited.
Arriving in the kitchen, you begin gathering ingredients to make breakfast. The house, although it can provide anything you wish for food, seemed to pick up on your therapeutic hobby and promoted it. Even gathering ingredients and appearing them before you on the counterspace. You always chalked it up to the house wanting a break from constantly taking care of people, but deep down you knew it seemed to have a little soft spot for you. Whipping together the batter, throwing it in the divine oven and cooking the meats to perfection, the breakfast is ready in about an hour.
The sun had settled into the sky, far from shining over the horizon which had itsâ light wake you.
It was still early though.
Looking at the spread before you, you had asked the house to keep it warm and ready for everyone as they began to roll out of bed and chase the heavenly scent of pancakes, bacon and omelet.
It was Azrielâs favorite.
The skin of your cheeks flared at the thought and shook your head at how absurd you are. Cooking and baking for everyone allowed you to take notice of things that they had favored over the rest, often being expressed vocally. However, some, like the spymaster, just through body language and action would key you into likes and dislikes. Feyre loved eggs benedict, in almost nauseatingly cuteness, so did her mate. When you would make it, almost as a sixth sense, those two would always be the first to arrive and express how happy the dish made them before gathering a large plate. Cassian was a sandwich guy, anything quick and simple, but he swears you enchant the sausage and bacon you add to be sweet and salty at the same time. On those days you often must make a bounty of those little sandwiches for him to take with him for the day. Mor liked simple muffins and like Cass, would wrap one up to go while giving you a hug on her way out. Nesta and Elaine hadnât showed up for breakfast but the youngest seemed to prefer oatmeal, which ironically was also her favorite while human.
Azriel was the hardest to read. With every dish you made, breakfast/lunch/dinner, he would appreciate and eat like a man starved (an exaggeration but you always found your eyes on him anyway). You had switched up the recipes and altered the assortment of foods, but every time he would tell you how much he liked it and clear the plate.
It wasnât until you truly watched him did you found out just how much he loved the simple things in life.
It was a day like any other, you had cooked breakfast and set up the table for a nice meal as you had known everyone would be able to sit and eat together. It was uncommon so you made a tried-and-true love by everyone.
Bacon, eggs and pancakes with homemade lavender syrup that you asked Elaine to harvest for you in her garden.
As everyone sat, you couldnât help but let your eyes stare as the spymaster sat down fresh out of bed and allowed a little small smile to grace his features looking at the plate he had. It was all you needed to know, and each time you would serve something new, you would watch for the little ticks that he would allow to shine through.
A smile.
A little sigh and relief of tension from his shoulders.
A gentle extra âThank youâ which he would all but whisper across the table to you.
All of it had your heart thumping and blood rushing to your face, allowing that little butterfly to turn into hundreds.
After his comment after taking you home, he had made his presence around you more common and you loved it. Every time the two of you were together time became irrelevant, the serene sense that would settle over your body was addictive. You had only prayed that he got the same sense of belonging.
He was such a pretty male.
So gentle and observant.
It was so hard to not have your feelings bleed into your everyday life and movements. It wasnât long after the incident with him that your thoughts were all but consumed by him.
Not that you were complaining.
âIt smells divine in here.â The soft sound of Mor broke you out of your rather long thoughts of Az, as an easy smile fell over your face.
âI wanted to make something simple today.â You shrug, but meeting the second handâs eyes, you stumbled slightly.
âHow are you settling in Y/n?â Her tone was inquisitive, but the smile that bloomed her face left you choking.
âWell.â You coughed, âIâm settling in well.â
âAnyone in particular helping you out?â You narrowed your eyes to her.
âEveryone has been amazing.â
âOh, come on Y/n!â She shuffled towards you as mischief glinted in her eyes. âYou can tell me; we all see it.â
Your heart stopped.
âAll?â Her light laughter halted.
âNo not all, some though.â Your breathing resumed. âI highly doubt if you wrote a sign with all these love meals, he still wouldnât see it.â It was chastising, lovingly, but still with a little edge to it.
âHe is just being friendly Mor.â You argue with a sigh. It was the one thought you couldnât get out of your head. Viewing his relationship with everyone and his attentiveness towards Elaine. You couldnât help but just feel as if he enjoyed your presence, but as a friend.
Mor sighed and looked towards the still steaming pile of pancakes and syrup.
âI know it can be difficult to believe, but heâs more relaxed around you. If any two people deserve to be happy or even have a shot, itâs you two.â The sounds of footsteps down the hall had her breaking away from you but not without a nod sent towards her. You would be open to him and the idea, more than just the little crush you have accumulated.
The in-question footsteps that had the conversation halting belonged to Feyre, Rhys and the male in question. Most likely fresh from training as small beads of sweat pooled on their skin and hair showed dampness.
You watched the spymasterâs eyes alight, taking in the assortment of his favorites on the counter. He quickly grabbed a plate, effortlessly and unbeknownst to his high lord and lady, cutting in front of them to scoop his desired piles.
âY/n, you are the most amazing person I have ever met.â Feyre exclaimed as her body seemed to quiver with the simple task of standing, but her obviously salivating mouth had her also reaching for cutlery and plates to pile stuff onto. Rhys laughed in response to her antics and followed suit, thanking you in the process as both followed the now seated Azriel to the table. It was sweet, his honor to wait for you to be seated and with food to begin eating. You could tell some days it really tried his control; however, those days you knew without a shadow of a doubt that he truly loved the food that had been prepared. Glancing back towards the table, you met eyes briefly with Azriel.
The warmth that showed in them had you ignite with hope and adoration towards the male, almost uncontrollably so. It had you smiling and fiddling at the ends of your hair.
The following sounds of heavier steps broke your attention.
âCan I just say, I am in love with you.â Cassian entered the kitchen with heat and brought you into a quick embrace. The smell of sweat and sand had you scrunching your nose but the laugh that exited you had him add a little spin before setting you down.
The soft sound of a chair being moved echoed as you didnât realize the table had become quiet, watching.
Mor had a shit eating grin, but not at you, but at the now walking over Spymaster. The same spymaster picked up your loaded plate (you were waiting for everyone to be served before doing so yourself) and brought it back to the table, setting it down in the open seat across from himself. You tilted your head but caught the small look between the mates at the table, notably having a non-verbal conversation. Looking back at the general, he too had a smile, but one only aimed at you and the food in front of you.
âIâll be over once I pile the rest of the bacon on.â Another laugh emitted from you as you walked over to your place, noting the food had been set down gently and not disturbed when Azriel had placed it.
You looked up and met his hazel eyes, there was a slight edge to it, but not at you. In fact, when you met his eyes, you couldâve sworn they melted from that ice back to the warmth that was once there before.
The settling of plates had you glance over at Cassian. He was only a seat away from, you but on the other side of the table.
Easy conversation settled over the table as everyone began to eat. Taking bites of your eggs and bacon, a small moan of appreciation rattled through you. You caught movement in your peripheral where Azriel sat, but didnât bother to check or see what it was assuming it was just him enjoying his meal. Â Even you had to admit this was good. Similar sounds followed suit as everyone dug in and the sounds of scraping of plates that filled the room.
âAre you busy today?â Cassian piped up after shoveling a rather large mouthful of egg. You shook your head; you didnât think you had anything planned but were going to ask if Azriel had a couple hours to spare for some time alone with him to talk. You opened your mouth to speak, but before you could Az had cleared his throat and spoke up.
âWe have plans.â The room turned towards the male as he stared at his brother, the ice returning to his gaze. You wracked your brain trying to make sure you didnât forget plans that you had made prior but came up empty. That grin from Mor returned as she made eye contact with you.
Suddenly the leftover soggy pancakes on your plate looked really interesting.
âOh?â The brother threw back. Looking over to Cassian again, you nodded along feigning innocence.
âIâm sorry, I mustâve forgotten for a moment.â Although you knew your best friend and possibly Mor clocked it quick, you allowed the easy smile to lay it on thick with the general. He returned it and nodded along, taking the lie for a simple slip of the mind.
âNo problem, but when youâre free I want to show you around the training grounds. I think it could be good for you.â Your chest filled with pride again, even some that you didnât think could be your own, but none the less made you feel all nice. As everyone cleaned up and filed out, you caught eyes with Azriel.
His shoulders were tense.
Nervous even.
The depth of his shadows swirled around him as he took particularly long to wash up his plate.
Watching the last of your friends exit the kitchen and the food clean itself up and put away, you made light steps over to the shadowsinger.
âSo, whatâs on the agenda today?â You ask. The feign confidence of your words had Az glancing over with a small smile. Releasing a little sigh, he removed his eyes from his now empty hands which wrapped around the front of the sink. He had leaned into it, seemingly matching your confident air.
âAnything you want, sunshine.â Your cheeks flushed as you looked away. Today was a record for heat that entered your face. You tried your best not to allow the nerves in your stomach to ruin the encounter.
You would be fine.
Itâs just two friends hanging out.
All normal here.
But the ideas that Mor had fed into your brain ran rampant.
âThere is a bakery and some shops I want to explore. Can we go today?â You originally had plans to go with Feyre. In fact, she had made you swear you wouldnât go without her because she heard the pastries were divine.
She would forgive you once she knew who you went with instead.
âOf course, Iâve been meaning to make a couple stops as well. We can go together.â You couldnât help the small seed of selfishness from talking as you held eye contact with the male.
âCan you fly us down? Iâm still not used to winnowing.â It was the most believable lie you have ever let slip past your lips, but you didnât feel sorry about it. Would you ever admit it was because you wanted to be pressed against him with adrenaline rushing through you? Or that you wanted to feel his strong arms hold you without a single ounce of sweat or issue? Perhaps that you wanted to smell his scent of frost and night and hope to any god that would listen that it would cling to the sweater you would wear. Not if your life depended on it and there was a sword slitting your throat.
However, something in the way Azrielâs eyes darkened slightly and his smile turned into a smirk had you second guessing how thoroughly your ulterior motives had been hidden.
âAnything for you Sunshine, wouldnât dream of making you ill.â
He clocked it.
Tags:
@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @willowpains @adventure-awaits13 @
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Historical mermay Prompt 8: Meiji Era -> Aztec Mermaid (Tlanchana)
So the last prompt for Historical Mermay was supposed to be Meiji era but.... last year there was a historical Japanese mermaid and a late Victorian mermaid so.... I decided to switch this one out with a different historical mermaid that had been on my list.
Aztec mythology has a mermaid-like figure, which is very exciting for me, but there's a full backstory so strap in for some lore. The origin for Tlanchana isn't Aztec at all, but instead originates from an Otomi goddess called Acpaxapo. Acpaxapo is a benevolent lake goddess who is half woman, half water-serpent. When she was adopted by the Aztecs her aspect evolved to Tlanchana, a much more mysterious and dangerous deity who would drown men with her tail.
I had hoped to make some more references to the original Otomi influence in my illustration but I was having a devil of a time looking for specifically Otomi artifacts (Otomi is technically a collection of languages and is an exonym for the peoples who speak Otomi languages ((if I've even understood what I 'm reading correctly))...and English websites barely cover the big 3) so I eventually pivoted, since I haven't done any siren-like mermaids for this challenge yet and was interested in doing something a little moodier. A description of Tlanchana described her as wearing only jewels and that sparked a lot of creative joy. And looking at all the jade ornaments in pre-colonial jewelry.... I dove right in. I kept a very serpent-like design for her tail, and made all her ornaments in jade... a series of necklaces, her nose jewelry (which I took some creative liberty with after looking at goddess depictions), and ear plugs. I wouldn't say she is accurate, there's a lot of artistic license salt in this stew... but I think she turned out pretty cool.
(And if you just had the thought that this is the most i have written in a description for ages... it's because this one had... new? research. Example: I've drawn redesigns with Ottoman fashion 3+ times, I don't have much new to say for the Ottoman mermaid. I've talked and researched a lot less on Aztec mythology so I had things to say.)
I am the artist! Do not post without permission & credit! Thank you! Come visit me over on: instagram, tiktok or check out my coloring book available now \ (ââ˘ Ö â˘â) /
https://linktr.ee/ellen.artistic
#historical mermay#historical mermaid#ellen artistic#aztec mermaid#otomi mermaid#ellenart#digital illustration#historically inspired#it's gonna be mermay
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Energetically Attractive Placements in Astrology P.1đ
â˝ ASC-/Sun/Pluto/Jupiter. Something these all have in common is this âuntouchable energyâ to them that just simply makes people interested in them. For ASC-/Sun/Jupiter they SHINE in a crowd, they have a bright, unique and creative aura to them that makes them stand out and naturally likable. While Asc-Pluto individuals have a more mysterious and intriguing aura to them, they have this touch of power to them and many people respect them.
â˝ Jupiter in Pisces/Cancer/Libra. All three of these placements have a generous and lovable energy to them, people can be attracted to how giving they can be and how pure their souls truly are.
â˝ Pluto/Mars 11H, is a common placement I see with people who easily attract attention. Many people are simply just interested in who they are, they have a strong and assertive energy to them, very respectable individuals.
â˝ Jupiter 9H, naturally lucky individuals, thereâs not shocked that they can attract attention easily, these individuals are smart also, people may be attracted to their wit and knowledge on several topics.
â˝ Sun-Moon/Mercury positive aspects. Unless afflicted, these individuals have a very tranquil impression on others, so much so that these people can seem like a breath of fresh air, their souls and intentions are pure.
â˝ In addition to the previous note, especially Sun Conjunct Mercury; these individuals are interesting to be around, they communicate pretty well and tend to be naturally likable people with their honesty and humor.
â˝ Sagittarius Moons. While these people while have a reputation of being hot headed, on the other hand, people are often attracted to these individuals by their blunt and humorous nature. Sag moons are purely authentic, whatever you see is simply how they are, they are honest and they know how to make people laugh, they have an energetic energy that is almost IMPOSSIBLE to forget about.
â˝ Sun/Neptune/Jupiter/Uranus Dominant. What these have in common is their unique energy, they are creative and innovative, similar to sag moons theyâre hard to forget about, thereâs often one trait or physical feature they have that people can remember them by. This is also relevant for people with these plants in the 1H/5H.
â˝ Mercury/Moon in 11H. These individuals are just fun to be around, for Mercury 11H individuals they just know what to say, theyâre great in conversation and people are attracted by that, for Moon 11H, they are just fun to be around, they just seem to have connections with almost everyone and anyone.
â˝ Cancer Degrees (4°, 16°, 28°) on Personal Placements + Asc/MC. People can be attracted to the pureness that lies deep within their hearts and intentions, people feel comfortable getting along with them, some even feel the need to defend/âprotectâ them.
â˝ And Last but certainly not least, I commonly see Leo/Venusian(Taurus and Libra)/Aquarius/Sagittarius ASC that have a lot of attention to them, these people have a natural ability to just attract people to them. Libra and Taurus have a calm and genuine energy to them, while Leo/Sag/Aquarius ASCs have a very unique way of expressing themselves, they stand out and its surely not impossible to not notice.
HM:
⽠Placements in Aquarius and Leo Degrees (11°, 23°, 5°, 17°, 29°)
â˝ Pisces ASC
â˝ Asc Trine Moon
â˝ Sun-Venus Asp.
- Neptune. â˝
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G'day, I hope you are doing well.
Ever since I finished the story of Dungeon Meshi (all supplementary material included) I've been writing down bullet points on characters in addition to in-depth synopses as a way to tidy up my rather busy mind. To this end I've also greatly enjoyed reading other folks' interpretations of particular characters, as it gives me further insight into aspects of that character I may have glossed over.
However, there's one character I'm struggling to write a cohesive synopsis about, that being none other than 'miss enigma' herself, Falin Touden. I get that her whole shtick is that she's kind of a mystery, but I find myself drawing a lot of blanks when it comes to her as a character, and while I have nailed down some important bullet points, there are a lot of different interpretations on her, all of which starkly contrast one another. Though perhaps it's just the wording. Hard to say.
It could very well be that I'm being too dense i.e. perceiving "Falin is willing to risk killing others to save her friends." and "Falin, in the heat of the moment, when faced with certain death, was willing to face the prospect of harming potential passersby in a final Hail Mary to get her friends to safety." as entirely different observations. I have a hard time with those kinds of things.
With this being a hub for all sorts of observations, interpretations and cool trivia, I was wondering if you'd perhaps be willing to share how you yourself perceive Falin as a character, so I can compare notes and perhaps gain a more proper understanding of her as a character as a result. I know this question is very broad and kind of vague, but if you could spare the time I'd be most grateful.
Other than that, I wish you an excellent day.
Hello!!! I love Falin!!!!!
She *is* a mystery, we mostly know Falin through the perception other characters have of her instead of a direct deep look onto who she is, which I find very interesting. I think the best post I've seen about her (which as usual I can't remember where edit: someone linked it thank uu) I think called her perceived altruism/love "selfish" and I've been thinking about that ever since.
In that sense the way she cares so much about the comfort of people around her might be a way to keep *her own* comfort because she doesn't want to see other people suffer.
This girly died and came back to life from bones and the first thoughts she has is that she caused trouble for her loved ones
She probably has felt this way since she was a child, "because of her" that her family was torn apart "because of her" that Laios left, her mom was sick, her father had to send her away. (wasn't actually her fault but she might think it is)
I imagine ever since then Falin has done her best to not cause trouble and to make the people she loves happy, everything we know about her and the things she was doing was always for the people she loved, that's why I enjoy the post canon comic where Toshiro asks her hand in marriage again so much. The first time she considers accepting just because "might as well" while for the second time she finally wants to live for herself.
I think Falin herself has lost who she "really is" by trying to accommodate everyone around her and that's probably part of why we ourselves don't really know her, so much so that the most cynical character is uncomfortable around her (probably cause he notices Falin is "hiding" something)
I think Falin is quite the melancholic character to be honest, someone who has lost herself in self sacrifice and who is only now learning how to live for herself doing what she wants.
Both the teleportation scene and the bit about healing show "cracks" in the selfless front she puts out tbh. By context I don't think what she did was only due to "desperation of the moment" she says out loud "Even if I end up hurting others I want you and my brother to live on". She weighted out how much suffering she might cause and decided she wanted to save them anyway, and I'm sure in that calculation she knew that they would suffer because of her sacrifice too.
Falin is saving them for herself, I'm not great with words so this is all over the place and maybe sounds a little negative about Falin but the thing is, you cannot live your life for other people, you can't sacrifice yourself for other people's happiness, you shouldn't erase your own presence so others are happier and I think Falin is starting to learn that by the end.
I'd probably keep rambling without getting anywhere and missing a lot of more meaningful moments but I'll stop here, if anyone has recs for Falin analysis please share!
#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#I think the way Toshiro speaks about the moment he fell in love with Falin to be telling too#He had to see her in the dead of the night finally just doing her thing instead of putting on what others expect of her#to finally notice how wonderful she is#But Falin cannot reciprocate those feelings because as opposed to Laios#She is putting up a front to these other people so she can't engage with them in a meaningful manner#Nobody (besides Laios and Marcille) got past the wall Falin put up so they couldn't reach her#I think in the conversation she has with Toshiro in that extra she's finally letting him thru that wall#instead of avoiding it like she did before#she caused discomfort by saying what she really feels and that's okay#Anyway#dunmeshi thoughts#ask#Falin Touden
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Placements For Romantic Archetypes Pt.2: The Siren (18+ Only)
*Adults only! Minors dni
*just based on my experiences, only take what resonates
Sheâs absolutely hypnotic and the only thing she did was walk into the room. Someone with a magnetic air, that always catches attention from the people around them. Seen as sensual and mysterious, some people think theyâve got to be paid to look that good. In a lot of peopleâs fantasies, even if itâs only for a moment. Gives off maneater energy and brings out some sort of obsessive tendency in others.(Can apply to all genders but is often seen in the form of femmes that have a lot of mascs run after them.)
***
-Scorpio rising/Pluto in 1st: Classic placement for this vibe lol. Iâve been working on understanding exactly why this placement tends to catch so much obsession (and bruh I donât know). I have a few theories, but for this one Iâll focus on s*x appeal and power. Scorpio rising gives the native a naturally heavy aura, the kind of energy that canât be ignored when they walk into the room. Everyone immediately has a reaction to energy like this, and typically itâs either disgust or fascination. When people are fascinated it can easily slip into obsession. Everyone wants to know how you got so -magnetic-, so -powerful-. But not only is the native the mysterious sort that wonât exactly broadcast that information- this sort of power is second nature to them. Death and transformation is the way theyâve moved through this world as long as they could remember. Iâve noticed, this sort of short circuits some people. They want to pick apart every detail. They want to know why theyâre so hooked on you even though they barely know you. They want to be immersed in the well of you. Itâs intoxicating. (The natives also tend to be compelling and magnetic in general, the type to hold an audienceâs captivation)
-Lilith in 1st/10th: Always gotta mention Lilith lol, she explains a lot. So itâs like the birth and death of Scorpio ascendant with something more. Twice as polarizing. Itâs like that sort of energy with this potent, heavy dark feminine energy. Itâs like they unlock these hidden primal desires in people that people didnât even know they had. (Typically someone heavy in their feminine energy will have the Lilith energy and be like unlocking something in everyone else). Thereâs a lot of power in walking into the room and setting people off. Some people (dominant energies)tend to see this as a challenge and then these people want to cage that s*nsual, intoxicating native, and keep them all to themselves. (They also tend to be like curvier body types, so take that as you will)
-Lilith in 12th: Peopleâs secret fantasies. They subconsciously desire the native. The native also brings peoples deep rooting cravings to the surface with their presence alone.
-Scorpio Venus: Power and presence. The native has a very heavy and influential energy. People often find them charismatic in an enigmatic sort of way. They attract powerful friends and romantic interests. They have a very seductive aura and typically can be as obsessive as some of the energies they attract.
-Venus hard aspects (especially conjunct but also square/opposition) to Pluto: Plutoâs tension with the nativeâs Venus tends to make them have a Scorpionic tinge to their romantic lives and the way they act as a friend/romantic. They can be dark and obsessive and have trouble taking things slow, they tend to attract romantic interests with this energy as well.
-Venus/Mars in 12th: Hidden desires. And also the native (subconsciously usually) has this ability to tap into whatever their romantic/s*xual interest desires on a subconscious level. A lot of like not just having s*x but tapping into and healing or bonding with someone on a soul level. (Sometimes on accident lol, doesnât make them any less addicted though!)
-Venus/Mars in 8th: The natives have a heavy s*xual aura. They are also very memorable and they probably are a lot of peopleâs s*xual fantasies. Tendency to go deep in relationships and trysts to find out all they can about what makes their partners tick.
-8th/12th house/Lilith synastry: Ahahaha, Ah yes, the synastry that tends to f*ck people up (usually dudes, when is it ever not dudes). 8th house synastry tends to be dark and taboo and s*xually charged. Like the passion is so intense you find yourself all wrapped up and out of control. 12th house synastry is that like person that gets so on your mind theyâre in your dreams. Just when you think you forgot about them theyâre running through your mind again. Itâs dizzying (especially since this usually is the house of hidden enemies, confusing stuff). Lilith synastry is just.. it can be so messy. The Lilith energy is often going to shine a light on what the other person is dealing with on their shadow side. This could be insecurity, anxiety, s*xual inadequacy, anything deep dark and hidden away. Itâs often dizzying for anyone even a bit insecure (and letâs be real, most of us are), and can bring a reactive nature to the chemistry. (Bonus points if any of these placements are in Scorpio)
-How do you get her to be yours? Forever? Slow down, cowboy (very cool of me I know). Before you try to cage the siren (learning nothing at all from all the mythology that says hey donât do that) have you tried to approach them like a person? Do they have a rich inner world outside of being a s*x object? Try to take a deep breath, look at why youâre only seeing this person as a goal to score or a bird to cage. And then have a polite conversation with them like a person. And expect nothing in return. Thatâll put you ahead of 50% of the competition right away, and maybe youâll get lucky and get invited into understanding the siren and their complex inner world. (Or maybe they are in their maneater phase, in which case have fun or steer clear, itâs up to you lol.)
#astro observations#astro notes#astroblr#astro community#lilith astrology#astrology#Spotify#synastry#scorpio rising#Lilith in 1st#Lilith in 10th#scorpio venus#venus conjunct pluto#Venus in 12th#mars in 12th#Venus in 8th#mars in 8th
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