#the mines dont sound to bad now lol

[kindred-spirit-93]

way down hadestown

listening to hadestown bc ofc i am lol. its not like i have significantly more important and career determining things to be focusing on.

and this is my first time so im really enjoying the litte bits and bobs i can make out before eventually venturing into commentary and further content made for and about the musical someday

a few things so far i reeeeeeeeeally liked lol

euridice has the voice of a freaking angel i love her (the note she hit at harbour me? omg. also flowers is my favourite song hehe)

speaking of flowers persephone is such a gremlin and i love that for her. funny fluid body language and at times cheeky. good soup

her voice reminds me a lot of zira lol. scratchy vocals at time but smoother than a petal! adore her performance. i also want her bag

hades' voice dropping 17 octaves when hes wearing his sunglasses is so funny to me for some reason lol. ugh he really has a grimey vulture-y vibe to him. very cool and demanding presence tho

also him calling the workers my children whereas seph refers to orpheus at some point as brother is very interesting to me

on todays episode of it probably wasnt that deep but i brought a shovel anyway: aside from being a funny concept (and new to me lol), i think its fascinating to have seph associated so with wine. it made me think of dionysus at first, which made me think of the myths where zagreus is dio, and zagreus is persephones son. idk i just thought it was neat

hermes is the shit man i love his sweet but sarcastic old man energy. snazzy suits too he slays so hard

the fates!!! awesome dresses i need them immediately

idk what the style/ genre is called (blues???) but the note at pennies on the drum is the best thing ive heard in a while. powerful vocals, very kickass

never realised how hard it must be to be belting notes and doing full choreo as well. and in heels? my god hats off to them i cant walk properly in them lol

the set is beautiful the floor rotates and the lights and everything! so much work was lovingly put into it all and im so here for it

will add as i go on lol but have this for now

[bnnuy-wabbit]

this entire Music Taste debate thing re:rap is getting annoying really fast. Im not USian enough for this.

[syncrovoid-presents]

YOU CAN HIT A TAG LIMIT??? My ramblings in the tags have been conquered and squashed by the 30 tag limit. How silly!

[delusionalwriter02]

hi hi ✨️

hope ur doing good n stuff (if not then i hope it gets better <3)

i feel bad asking you to do a part 4 for fyodor in the insta series like you've only poseted the third part a while ago but i love it smmmmm🥲🥲😭😭😭 and i feel even worse cuz the anon that asked for a part 3 to fyodors was also me 😭😭😭😭

also i love you even more now cuz of ur authors note on that post (platonically)

(now i feel EVEN worse cuz now i feel like I'm guilt tripping or smth... i should just stop thinking at night shouldn't i?)

erm... soooo if u wanna could u do a prt 4 for the disgustingly lovely rat man (who rn could be a cockroach for all we know) 👉👈

(why are my asks always so long?😭😭)

luv u pookie <33 (have some ice cream <oo)

Insta as Fyodor’GF p.4

a/n : HELLO LOVELY!! Don’t worry you absolutely did NOT guilt trip or anything, I love writing for Fyodor so it’s always a pleasure!! love you sweetie (I’m eating ice-cream rn lol) hope you’ll like it !

<3 liked by Atsushiii, Golgot and 736 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : mine all mine

Fyofyo : Of course I’m yours my love

↳ Yosanurgirl : SO not to interrupt or anything BUT the wedding is in three weeks and you still haven’t found a place ????

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : WE DID GIRL

↳ Yosanurgirl : why wasn’t I informed ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : you all should received the invit soon

↳ Yosanurgirl : I AM your BESTFRIEND AND YOU DONT TELL ME FACE TO FACE ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : OKOK IM SORRY but wait the cards are SOOO pretty

↳ Yosanurgirl : fine 😔

Golgot : I still can’t believe you two are going to marry, still thought I had my chance

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : my bad, you want to be a flower girl ?

↳ Golgot : I CAN

↳ Fyofyo : No.

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : YES YOU CAN, I will send you your costume

↳ Golgot : LETS GO

↳ Fyofyo : Love ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : just trust me

<3 liked by Fyofyo, Sig_ma and 836 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : my girls and I

Yosanurgirl : we look SO SO GOOD

↳ Gintonic : the best clearly was Nikolai as a flower girl, I had to FORCE the straight face

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : hehe thanks to my genius mind

↳ Daze_i : must admit, you had a GREAT idea

↳ Golgot : Are you making fun of me ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : not at all don't worry, did you enjoy being a flower girl ?

↳ Golgot : YES THANK YOU IT WAS SO COOL

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : my pleasure

↳ Fyofyo : Our wedding is starting to look like a joke

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : lovveeee don't be mad, it made Nikolai happy

↳Fyofyo : Thank god we only have one wedding to do

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : well I hope i'll only have to marry once

↳ Fyofyo : I love you way too much to let you go now

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I love you too, husband

↳ Fyofyo : I do love the sound of that, wife

<3 liked by Yosanurgirl, Atsushiii and 304 others.

Fyofyo : To the women who made me whole, I'll choose you in every lifetime

Yn_theoneandonly : I love you so damn much

↳ Yosanurgirl : my baby is growing, made me tear up

↳ Gintonic : correct me if I'm wrong but you DID catch the bouquet sooooooooooo

↳ Yosanurgirl : find me the right person, then we talk

↳ Gintonic : on it

Atsushiii : the photo is so beautiful

↳ Golgot : I KNOW I'M THE ONE WHO TOOK IT

↳ Daze_i : that's the first and last time I make a compliment to you but you did a good job

↳ Golgot : *a great job

↳ Daze_i : yeah whatever

Sig_ma : Congratulations, I hope it will be an happy marriage even thought I don't have much doubts about it

↳ Golgot : c'monnnnn make him sad, ruin him, I can fix him

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : thank you for your concern but I can assure you I don't plan on hurting my husband and he has no plan on hurting me

↳ Golgot : too bad

↳ Fyofyo : Say that again, I'll cut your tongue

↳ Golgot : I was JOKING

↳ Fyofyo : Better be

<3 liked by Akutagawa, Gintonic and 1043 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : Thank you everybody for coming, it was perfect thanks to you

Gintonic : being a bridemaid was so exciting, can't wait to be at your wedding Yosano

↳ Yosanurgirl : then you'll be my bride

↳ Gintonic : don't tempt me

KunikiDA : It had to take a wedding for Dazai to finally start behaving

↳ Daze_i : I can be a real gentleman when I want

↳ KunikiDA : So you chose to drive me mad

↳ Daze_i : Exactly

↳ Daze_i : wait no that's not what I meant

↳ KunikiDA : COME BACK HERE

↳ Chu_uya : He'll never learn

↳ Gintonic : you too Chuuya, during the whole ass night trying to annoy Dazai

↳ Chu_uya : well in my defense, it felt strange not doing it

↳ Gintonic : ooh tell me more, strange in a "i miss him" way or "i love him" way

↳ Chu_uya : more in the "I won't allow him to have a peaceful night" way

↳ Gintonic : hmmm I see, so it's love then

↳ Chu_uya : NO ITS NOT

↳ Akutagawa : Drop it Gin, he won't listen

↳ Gintonic : oooh you're so not escaping Ryu, we need to have a talk too

↳ Akutagawa : About what ?

↳ Gintonic : Atsushi

↳ Akutagawa : I'm not interested

↳ Gintonic : liar

Ranthebestpo : where are you going for your honeymoon ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : world tour

↳ Yosanurgirl : TAKE ME WITH YOU I CAN BE IN THE SUITCASE YOU WON'T EVEN NOTICE ME I SWEAR

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I would love to believe me but the thing with an honeymoon is that it's between husband and wife

↳ Yosanurgirl : fucking stupid rules

<3 liked by Yosanurgirl, Sig_ma and 952 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : France i'm cominggg

Yosanurgirl : send me photoooooss

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : of course I will!!!

Gintonic : enjoy babe

↳ Golgot : @.FyoFyo so she's calling your wife babe and you don't even scream ??

↳ Fyofyo : She's my wife's friend, what can I do ?

↳ Golgot : oh my, you really fell in love

↳ Fyofyo : Just to be clear, during the wedding you still thought I wasn't in love ?

↳ Golgot : I'm never sure with you

↳ Fyofyo : You can be sure of two things, I'm in love and I'll still kill you if you annoy me too much

↳ Golgot : Always knew we were best friends, that's just our thing

↳ Fyofyo : Hating each other ?

↳ Golgot : we both want to kill the other without actually wanting to see them dead, just like Chuuya and Dazai or Atsushi and Akutagawa, if you die, with whom will I argue ? Can't lose my fight buddy

↳ Fyofyo : I can always fight with someone else

↳ Golgot : But no one can top me hehe

↳ Fyofyo : Notice how I'm not married to you ? So stop flirting

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Love I think we just need to accept he'll forever be like that

↳ Fyofyo : I think you're right, darling wife

Heyyy hope you liked it ? I am so so sorry for the time it took me to write the part 4 buuuut here it is! Thank you so much for your request and your kind words, I'll really try to take less time between request,

with love <3

[kozmicmizuu]

Ok ok- something my brain just clicked for some reason when i spaced out BAD in class.

————————————————————————

Everyone knows that Giyuu is basically the big brother/caretaker for the kamaboko squad and co. So i literally just thought that since he was taken under Urokodakis wing because he didn’t have anyone else, that he did the same for them.

anywayyyys, he’s a fantastic brother for the kamaboko squad. that’s just fact at this point, he’s patient (like, so damn patient) and he seems pretty understanding and would 100% listen to whatever they have to say. he probably gives the most direct answers and criticism, it’s so honest that they all mistake for insults. he’s an honest man can you blame him???

————————————————————————

Giyuu: that was awful, try again.

Tanjiro: oh- ok!… was that an insult..?

Giyuu: what- no? it’s constructive criticism.

Tanjiro: oohhhhh- ok! sorry for assuming that!

Giyuu: it’s fine… i’m not very good with tone of voice.. if you couldn’t tell.

Tanjiro: i’m sure you’ll get better if you practice!

Giyuu: your optimism makes my head hurt.

Inosuke: FIGHT ME HALF AND HALF HAORI

Giyuu: no.

Inosuke: WHY NOT

Giyuu: im hungry so i dont feel like it.

Inosuke: …i’m hungry too

Giyuu: let’s go eat then, my treat.

Inosuke: HAHAHHAHAHA FOOD

Zenitsu: how do you stay so relaxed??? it seems so impossible to be relaxed in a world like this.

Giyuu: drugs.

Zenitsu: WHAT?!?!

Giyuu: i’m joking lol, just a lot of meditation and self discipline.

Zenitsu: is that all..? does that cure anxiety??

Giyuu: oh fuck no, i’m still a wreck

Zenitsu: i figured…wait.. YOU HAVE ANXIETY?!?!?!

Giyuu: i have a lot more than that…

Giyuu: excuse me, do you know where kocho is?

Kanao: …

Giyuu: um.. do you know where kocho is? like.. at all..?

Kanao: …

Giyuu: understandable, have a nice day and i’ll leave you alone now. thanks for your time.

Genya: do you know sanemi shinazugawa?

Giyuu: uhh- yeah. I work with him, why?

Genya: he’s my.. older brother..

Giyuu: woah… i didn’t know he had siblings.

Genya: he doesn’t talk about me..?

Giyuu: nope, not a lick of anything. sorry, that sounded mean.

Genya: wow, you sound really monotone..

Giyuu: a talent of mine.. is that a gun-?

Genya: oh! yeah, i can’t use breathing styles so i just use a gun lol

Giyuu: that’s cool, i haven’t shot a gun in a hot minute.

Genya: you know how to shot a gun? you think you can teach me some things?

Giyuu: uh- yeah. i could probably teach you a thing or two.

[malwaredykes]

ok. finished honest hearts. most of my inventory is plants and mushroom and Soups And Potions And Elixirs made from said plants and mushrooms. which is excellent.

the salt-upon-wounds confrontation was Tchruly garbo like. first of all they lit up ole josh before anyone even had the chance to say anything LOL that wasnt like Bad necessarily just rly funny. like yeah we can negotiate before anything breaks out *the camera pans to Jotchua Grams lifeless body on the pavement* but um second of all what the hell was that dialogue. "grrrr im gonna kill you" "[speech 75] no thats stupid. dont" "umm okei :) but i'll be back >:(" *runs away* Like. man. listen. throughout the entire dlc i Did Not want to be fighting all those white legs lol. i didnt know those people. you know i generally hate the Hostile By Default Irredeemable Canon Fodder Raiders crap and in this case its just especially egregious to me, with them being a Tribe and with me being some random ass normie strolling into the area getting instructed by the local white saviors. like, okay, since i Was getting involved, then if anyone deserved to Feel The Judgment Of Mine fall upon them it was in fact salt-upon-wounds with his track record of being a horrible fucking person. so i had to fight my way through all those white legs only for the Problem Guy to be like "Hm Okay. Deal. You Leave Forever And I Get To Live. Sounds Good. Sucker" like. fuck no. youre dead. this is for waking clouds husband how DARE you make my bald queen SAD

which btw i did encourage cloud to get mad at daniel for hiding that from her. like yeah girl dont take this shit from him. youre allowed to feel angry. who does he think he is. making decisions for the sorrows like youre all children. be mad at him. chase him out. tell him to never show his stinky mug around these parts. If You Want. ahh but then the ending slides said she forgave him.... well i suppose i have to respect her choice... but... cloud honey if you ever wanna team up and chase daniels stinky mug far away just give me a call

i also encouraged follows-chalk to go out there and experience the world outside... i really hated how he felt obligated to ask joshua permission, and how joshua was like Well 🥺 I wont tell him what to do but 🥺 Is it wise... I just worry about my foolish little lamb 🥺... like. Shut Uuuupppp.... chalk is an adult. i think. either way what do You know. jotchua. last time you ventured into The Civilized Lands (lol) you were a fucked up genocide army general so forgive me for thinking you might not have the most objective and up to date outlook here. Anyway. chalk come hang out sometime. come to the lucky 38. youll meet my epic swag friends and family. LOL bit of an aside but (mostly so i dont become insane because of the dlcs writing) i like to imagine that most of the time chalk expresses incredulity about some Civilized World Concept like gambling (-_-) or big dams or big weapons, hes literally fucking with you. like hes joking around. he used to mess with daniel and jotchua like that and now hes doing it with you. like Wow... How Strange... You Say It Is Called A... "Window".... 😂😂😂...

loving how the ending slides barely mentioned joshua also. like wtf happened to him. who knows. damn maybe he did die and i didnt even notice. im sorry jotchua. may your soul quickly find its way to NOWHERE lol #owned

final verdict: waking-cloud and follows-chalk are great, joshua graham is an extremely funny character, daniel is nothing to me, the area is cool, the plot is dumb as hell, the whole thing is racist, the quests are boring. 3/10

[nothinginthisworldbelongstome]

hi im rose!

just started this blog so i need to fix it up all nice and pretty but honestly idk when that might happen lol

FRIENDLY anons/asks and dms very welcome! i love talking and meeting new people!

taken by my wonderful girlfriend, @dilliedallieallie , the actual most beautiful amazing girl in the worldddd

just a reminder, bc sometimes people forget and treat me like im just one thing- I AM A SWITCH. that means i want to and enjoy BOTH domming and subbing, and i cant do just one all the time, it burns me out. that might be different for other people, but this is how it works for me. i need as close to 50/50 as i can get, 70/30 works too.

more about me under the cut!

i just turned 19 aug 4th! she/her lesbian

men, terfs, bigots, any shitty people, and minors fuck off i will block u

im very switchy, will dom or sub whatever u need baby 😘

im more comfortable topping, and i loveeee bringing u pleasure, but it would be nice to have someone who desired me as much as i did them, even if im not yet comfortable receiving that attention lol

ive only been in 1 relationship online and never have even kissed anyone before, but ive been on nsfw tumblr for a while

i dont consider myself super femme but im definitely not masc/butch. i like jewelry and flowery clothes tho lol. i kinda just wear things and i dont have a super distinctive style. im mostly attracted to femmes but for me attraction usually comes from the face and personality, generally not style, if anyone cares lmao

im 5'7, i have brown hair and blue-green eyes, and im plus size, if any of that matters to yall

kinks:

praise praise praise. i love telling u how good ur doing for me and also i wanna be someones good girl

pretty girls telling me what to do hehe i love that

pet namessss ugh pet names. i use them SO much so if u dont like it let me know (but it will be so hard for me to stop ngl i fucking love pet names)

also call ME pet names and ill fall in love with u its so soft and sweettt ahhhh

anything that will bring you pleasure. when u tell me that turned u on/made u wet that turns me on sooo much

mommy kinkkkkk! call me mommy or let me call u mommy pretty girl

VOICESSS FUCKING VOICESS i have a hugeeee voice kink. make all ur pretty noises for me baby u sound so good

grindinggg i love grinding. yes bounce on my leg sweet thing

light pet play. like ill call u puppy/bunny/kitten, collars are hot, but not much more than that and im not a pet. no cages or anything more hardcore than that really

pulling my hairrr yes babygirl pull my hair while i eat u out

consensual somnophilia i love the idea of knowing someone trusts u enough to let u do whatever u want to them while theyre sleeping

MARKINGSSS ugh theyre so hot. ive veryyyy possessive i want u to be MINE if im into u. so yes marks are so hot. giving AND being given

also reciprocal possessiveness??? jesus christ sign me up. im urs and ur mine and now im in love

theres probably more but this is all i can think of right now

also even tho i dont personally enjoy something or dont have it in my likes, feel free to ask! im generally very open to trying things at least once. and some of the things i dont really care for i dont mind doing a little bit if its something my partner wanted! communication is key <3

LIMITS

heavy degradation/humiliation and stuff like that. i dont like being really mean it makes me feel bad. i will however tease u until ur begging me to let u cum <3

also dont be mean at all in any way to me ill cry

rapeplay/kidnapping or anything nonconsensual like that it makes me feel bad

any terms like daddy/cock/dick. big turn off for me

anal/butt stuff

any bodily fluids other than cum gross me out sorry

feet. u can do whatever u want with mine ig but i dont like urs no thanks

send asks and dms!! i crave interaction

CLOSING REMARKS

idrk what else to say here. if u read all this u get a cookie ig lol

feel free to ask ANYTHING im an open book and will *probably* answer honestly lol

k love u bye! mwah!

[artistotel]

tips for traditional artists (mostly painters)

so while i primarily post doodles and such on this blog, my true passion is traditional art. :) i see a lot of tips for digital artists but rarely for traditional ones, so this is just my own experience (before anyone goes like "oP tHaT iS nOt UnIvErSaL eXpErIenCe" (i know this site well enough lol) if the advice doesnt sit well with you feel free to ignore it because i am def not an end it know it all. and nobody is because art is so broad and there is no right way to do it.

EQUIPMENT

so, first of all, in my language we have a saying "the tools dont make a master", meaning a true master could create with anything. i mean, sure, to a point, tools wont replace your ability to conceptualize art, but cmon.

equipment matters, especially when painting. i mostly work with acryllics and markers. lets talk about acryllics.

paints

its important to get at least okay quality paints. the stuff i use is not insanely expensive - croatia has limited offers, and i am poor. however, i tried paints for like 1€ from tedi and they are far inferior to goya's paints i use (3-4��� cca per 100ml. and those 100ml are going to last you a very looong time if you work on small scale paintings, and i even managed to fit in large ones).

ESPECIALLY THE WHITE PAINT. i cannot stress this enough. if youre gonna buy cheaply, buy everything cheap except for the white. make sure the white is good. it will serve as a thickener for other colours and good white can even do a good job of covering up the black paint.

brushes: get good brushes. if you paint frequently with bad brushes (like the ones i get from muller; they seem fine but ehhh im constantly changing them) you will be spending more in longer run than you would if you invested in something better. im not talking about 100€ packs made of donkey tail strands or whatever, i mean normal brushes, but look at reviews a bit. i once ordered like 10€ pack of brushes from amazon and they performed muller ones by far (and were cheaper); they left thicker paint and didnt get ruined after five uses.

markers

now see, i dont have any advice here, but i wanted to contrast it with my previous talk about how i purposefully buy good paint. well, i purposefully buy bad markers. really bad ones. because equipment often depends on what style you are after. i use flomasters, and they do what i want: and thats a cheap and trashy look.

canvases and papers

if youre gonna invest into something, invest into paints rather than canvases. you can trick a bad canvas by putting on multiple colour layers, you cant trick bad paints. but there are differences to bad and good canvases, of course. however, if youre just starting out, just go get a bad one; i take most of mine from tedi, or order online. you dont gotta spend billion of euros on them.

paper is also important. i am a painter and i bought a Leuchtturm1917 though unfit one, and was annoyed as to why everyone thought it was great. then i bought the one with specific sketchbook paper and it works fantastic. if youre painting, you need appropriate paper.

learn colour theory and some art history

yes i know this sounds boring. but its not. draw inspiration from your predecessors. there are people making oil paintings of modern things. you heard "dont shade with black" (and thats my personal mantra too) but chiaroscuro was a valid art movement. if you take a look at my own art you will most likely say: oh, thats pop art! and you would be right. i am inspired by roy lichtenstein, andy warhol, and other pop artists. but thats just the surface. my use of colour is inspired by the impressionist takes on it; i dont shade with darker colours, i shade with different ones. i shade red with blue, yellow with purple or red, and so on. if you look at the topics and subjects of my art, you will find surrealism. if you look at my approach to art itself, you might find influences of croatian naive. learn about actual philosophies behind art movements you like; you might find something for you.

ok these are just some general thoughts i had, id probably have more lol but thats it for now

[ventismacchiato]

DEFINITELY TOO EARLY TO TELL but what if what if scrmn broke up cus scara was obv into yn and mona saw that- also i dont rly picture them genuinely loving eo here (for some reason? even tho i actually like this ship or maybe they did IDK) so idk why mona would date a loser/lh like him. so what if scrmn just dated to date (does that even make sense?) anyway smth smth happen now theyre bitter exes.

wouldnt be opposed if they actually did love each other tho cause yumm more plot. IDK WHY IM SO INVESTED HERE I JUST LIKE THE TENSION IG (yn i hope u get so sad and so jealous, im quaking w excitement)

ofc this is just my speculation cus this smau has me running circles (*insert the guy w the murder board meme* me w the 5ish chapters we have like what have u done to me) and apparently i find stoners attractive now wtf- ur fault btw what was that last chapter im fawning over scara licking the roll or joint or whatever I DONT SMOKE

also ik im on anon but i hope u dont mind me sending so many asks LMAO. like whenever i get on tumblr i literally cant even remember which ones r mine LOL (assuming u can roughly tell which ones are from the same person cus of their texting styles) and mb this was probably hard to read

omg i wanna spoil so bad to talk to you about it but i’m gonna make you wait HAHA but one of the things u said is sorta true xx

(UR SO REAL FOR THIS I WANNA SEE THEM JEALOUS TOO)

I DONT EITHER BUT IT SOUNDS SO HOT SORRY LIKE SCARA LICK MY JOINT NEXT 🗣️

i don’t mind at all u guys can send me as many as u want even tho i suck at replying 🥹 not hard to read at all, and u can sign off w a nickname if u want!

[pilotduty]

PILOT TALK TO ME ABOUT ZOMBIE SOULSUCKER PLS

HI LOVE OF MY LIFE i knew i could rely on u to be as Insane about this as me. putting it below the keep reading line because im about to unload the Directors Cut on you xo

SO a lot of people see soulsucker and starfucker to have a sort of angel/demon dynamic going on, and ive been eating that up because i looove the religious trauma angle this album is taking but then i was like What If st*r didn't align with typical religious imagery because... tbh that trope can get kind of bland.

him being brought back from the dead as a reference to clinging to the safety of the past and hesitance to accept/pursue change.. him being a character who is like the embodiment of everything awsten used to be and the parts of himself that havent changed even though the environment around him and the sound of his music have. st*r being dead makes him feel like he cant change no matter how badly he might want to. if he does something wrong, something that breaks the rules, he could literally physically fall apart. he doesnt know what's keeping him alive but he has to assume its some kind of godly power, because thats all he has as a frame of reference for life and death. but he's a creature that not even god can touch now. whether or not he realizes what that means for him, he knows that he can't go back to how he was, if he even knows what that would look like. he at the very least has the safety of already being dead- "if i'm already dead i can't be killed".

the important thing is that st*r is dead. or he should be. awsten can't figure out how to keep him dead, or re-kill him, or hide him away. no matter how badly he wants st*r gone, he doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

ok anyway heres design aspects that are Important To Me-

i gave him his scene-era haircut intentionally, i think it ads to his character representing his past self

upside down cross necklace because I Felt Like It

st*r's canon excessive layering is mostly to hide that he's dead and decaying

under his shirt his heart is exposed. im going to draw that next i think. theres a constant open wound over his heart- you can literally see directly into his heart :3

the places where his arms and fingers move a lot are the most prone to splitting- thats just a logistical design thing that i thought was cool it doesnt really Mean anything LOL

halo hair design. because of those rumors that he dyed his hair in a halo. unholy creature with holy traits etc etc

gave him that extremely hot and bad for me running/smudged eyeliner that has the little flecks of star glitter in them because It Looks Cool and theres Something there about having tiny stars under his eyes despite stars Not Being His Theme-Relevant Shape

the idea of him supergluing the edges of his gloves to his fingers to keep them from falling off while he performs popped into my head while i was drawing him and i thought you specifically would dig that concept. so.

soulsucker and st*r represent different ways awsten presents himself (i think- i kind of Dont Care about the lore that much ((i care So Much that was a lie)) and dont read other people's interpretations on it, but thats mine) so i think the idea of st*r trying desperately to hold himself together and fit the expectations/aesthetics of his job are kind of devastating from this angle, because he literally physically can't do it. whether its his own reluctance keeping him from doing it or some otherworldly/godly interference is up to interpretation methinks

more on its way i woke up like an hour ago and cant remember everything i wanted to say so sorry if none of this Matters or doesnt make any sense

[abracazabka]

Good Mx... I am here to ask about your favorite trans Dutch headcanons and if there are any pics you recommend 🫣

OH BOY A FAVORITE TOPIC OF MINE!!!

I'll start off this ask by recommending this fic, "Fight Like a Man" by my good friend @miyagi-hokarate , a mutual with whom I've discussed trans Dutch at length, and who has contributed to many of my headcanons about Dutch. Much of what I say here will be because of discussions with them. Now, on to it:

My idea of a trans Dutch is that, similar to a lot of trans folks (me cough cough) he has a pretty bad relationship with his parents, especially his dad. They don't like to acknowledge his identity or, really, their son. And at times neither does Dutch, for a while. He wants to prove his maleness through the only way he knows how, and sometimes that means hiding who he is. He has a lot of internalized misogyny and the militaristic rhetoric about masculinity Kreese spews has shaped who he is as a young man. (points very conspicuously to the aforementioned fic). However, post-TKK I do think he comes into his own as a proud trans guy and the Cobras are entirely supportive. Duh.

(I - we, I should say, as these are very joint heacanons - think Tommy knew first out of all the Cobras. Because I'm a Dutch/Tommy truther lol.)

Dutch canonically is a wild child and this would be the case with or without a trans identity. However, I think as a young kid he was a "problem child" because he knew basically most of his life he was a boy. (again, jerks my head in the direction of that fabulous fic). I think later in his life he is perfectly fine, however, referring to his childhood as "when he was a girl." This is a point of contention amongst trans folks, but as an older trans guy, and someone very blunt, Dutch would refer to his childhood that way.

Anyway I love trans Dutch because Dutch is soooo problematic. "Is that allowed, can you make a problematic character trans?" Yeah, sure, just did. He's my favorite terrible man in the world.

Now as far as photos, I dont really have any which mark Dutch as trans. Obviously the film does not present him this way, this is my personal headcanon for a good time.

But scenes I'd draw your attention to are at the tournament, when Dutch is waiting on the sidelines during the whole montage of fighting. He is bouncing up and down and cannot contain all this violent energy. This, in addition to the locker scene where he is very aggressive toward Daniel, is where my interest in his presentation of masculinity is most centered. He has an idea of a what a man is, and as we know from the whole damn plot of the movie, it's not the greatest. The Cobras have this toxic idea too, but it's so interesting for a trans guy. The scene with Daniel, miyagi-hokarate and I really obsess over, because Dutch has this intense aggression and hatred for how Daniel presents himself as a man. Daniel's masculinity is notably different than the Cobras, but Dutch feels he can't be the kind and earnest kind of young man Daniel is, because then he's not really a man. Because surely, Kreese is the best example of what it means to be a man...(incorrect buzzer sound)

I do suggest searching up trans Dutch on tumblr search, because I feel like there's at least 1 or 2 fanarts out there.

Sorry for rambling I truly could go on for an age but Uh, Nah Lol AJFJRJFJ but yes hehe. My fevered thoughts. Go follow @miyagi-hokarate if you dont already ❤️

[saintetheldredablogshorrormovies]

okay i dont usually post my personal notes in full but i found my old notes from the first time i watched season 2 episode 2 (everybody loves a clown) (i take brief like three word notes as i watch an episode then fill in what i meant when its done so i wasnt like pausing the whole way through) and listen. they are so so embarrassing. the most embarrassing thing i will post on this blog. but im going through a depression right now worse than ive ever known so bad that im getting medicated and it means i go through long stretches often where im so numb and i dont care about anything which feels horrible and this amount of earnest and stupid joy is actually so incredible to me okay the notes are exactly as follows

I feel like the use of clowns is going to have something to do with how we learn to fear clowns cause we’re afraid of anything that looks too happy. Got Winchester trust issues written all over it hehe

(Re Dean protesting working on the car is the only thing he can do) Dean is not a man for destinations. Narry a fuck for destinations coming from this man and I. Find that extremely hot of him tbh

THE GUN SPIN WAS SO HOT HELP JOS PUNCH ALSO HOT CAN EVERYONE QUIT BEING HOT FOR A SECOND SOME MERCY PLEASE I know I’m supposed to laugh about the gun spin now but also I kind of feel like I’ll never be over it help?????

I DONT LIKE JO PT 2 OF ME HATING ALL OF DEANS LOVE INTERESTS NOT THAT IM POSSESSIVE BUT IF HES NOT CASTIELS HES MINE SORRY BUT THE SHADE AT ZEPPELIN 4 IS INEXCUSABLE I find these love interests genuinely distressing WHY CANT THEY GET IT RIGHT

((authors note i adore jo now i think i was just jealous LOL and also i watched the show cause i kept seeing cas online and loved him and thought destiel sounded so romantic so i hated every love interest HAHA))

EEEEEEE WE LOVE A COSTUME WE LOVE A COSTUME

I love this so much. This show has always been so kind to the quiet, antisocial kind of beauty, the kind that knows to protect itself from where people devour it out in the open and that has honestly always, always meant the world to me. The whole, Dean being silent and Sam constantly trying to ask "are you coping am I coping how do I cope" thing. It’s beautiful. The show understands what it’s like for some people to never feel at home, and never feel quite satisfied. Not everyone has that, you know. And where so often that gets called immaturity, a flaw you grow out of and correct, it’s one of the few things that will say to me, no, the way you learned how to survive, that’s beautiful. The storm in your heart, it isn’t your destruction, it is a strength as strong as anyone’s. The way that you are is beautiful without needing to be corrected. Idk I struggled to express this

(fucking insane that i actually wrote this with a straight face god bless this girl)

The intimacy of seeing them laugh at each other’s teasing seriously it’s like nothing else

Whyyy do Dean and Ash have like. Chemistry I hate it Better than Jo though actually I love it

SO ALICE AND I ALWAYS SAID THIS SHOW KNOWS HOW TO ABSOLUTELY SHRED YOUR HEART AND UHHHHH (re the last scene with him hitting the car LOL)

[privatelife]

not to be too online this is gonna read so embarrassing but my sibling wasnt available so i cant talk to them abt it lol

but ive been in a terrible mood all day bc sometimes RARELY i try to interact with my moots on various websites just little comments here and there. i dont do it nearly enough im very isolated in life and online but if i feel the need, i like to just say a couple words, yknow, human interaction. like if we follow each other i figure it's cool to engage in small ways ? anyway a twitter mutual hornyposted abt d*vid h*ward thr*nton and i thought it was funny and agreeable so i replied "REAL" i didnt think anything of it. i wouldnt have even given it a second thought if she ignored it entirely i was literally just taking a break from work scrolling twitter whatever not serious. but she responded almost immediately "i dont share..." and that was it. so then ive felt all day like i did something stupid and wrong lmao I KNOW IT'S SO UNSERIOUS she couldve been joking for all i know. but we've interacted maybe once before so i cant even tell. i kinda dont think she was joking tho 😭

if i may psychoanalyze myself for a second i think this tiny interaction triggered my rejection sensitive dysphoria real bad cause it like reinforced my idea that there's just something inherently wrong and unlikable abt me and that i shouldnt even bother interacting with other ppl. im at a point where i dont really believe that so much anymore but i still would like to feel "accepted" by cool ppl with similar interests to mine someday lol. i have one (1) real friend now and that's positively effected my view of myself immensely BUT we don't share a lot of the same interests so it's like, i can talk all day long abt certain things that are important to me and they'll gladly listen, but they don't get it the way others might. and vice versa! i love them dearly and wouldnt trade them for the world but i do at the same time wish i had Other friends who are into idk. horror movies, b movies, the music i like etc. you know. i think that's a perfectly normal thing to long for 😭 it seems like every time i reach out for that it never ever works in my favor :( ive mostly accepted im a weirdo with weirdo interests nobody gets me im too cool whatever blah fart sound... but why cant we all be weirdos TOGETHER. wheres the CAMARADERIE

i suppose a therapist would say keep trying! you're doing great! but oof it just really left my brain in tatters for the day. over something so dumb !!!! stupid and dumb !!! anyway at the end of the day i still can, should, must, and will fuck the clown man.

[zy-murge]

not really an ask and I never tell anyone this but the first madcom fanfic I have ever read was 2bhank ship and whenever I thought about 2bhank I always think back to this fanfic. too bad I cant remember the name of said fanfic (and I think its unfinished, it was one of the earliest 2bhank fanfics on ao3) but the story was focused on doc that had to work with hank and doc was extremely wary of hank in this fic (and a bit afraid) .Hank in this fic was very violence and indifferent towards everyone including doc at first. in this fanfic I love how it showed that hank had a way to show that he cared about doc in subtle way (theres a scene where someone insulted doc and hank stepping up prepared to beat the shit out of that person but doc stop him because he didn't wanna have trouble and hank let him). many 2bhank fanfics probably have this trope already these day and compare to MPN , doc's whole personality in this fanfic might sounds different from the game (fanfic was wrote in 2021 before MPN came out) but I still love this fanfic to this day (I dont really read madcom's ship fanfics since its not my main focus but this one is cute)

ok im done now lmao

i might actually know which youre talking about LOL i was there before they even had a ship tag. Dark days when i had to scrounge in the 5 fics in "2bdamned & Hank J Wimbleton" (YES IM OUTTING MYSELF BUT LETS BE GODDAMN REAL.)

is it Hell of A Weekend? while that one sounds similar it doesnt quite have the insult scene ur talking abt but instead sheriff teasing hank for having to have "his boyfriend" wrangle him ... that ones also a fav of mine, even if its not the one u mean i'd love to read the one youre talking about :))))

[brainisonfire]

I really hope this won't come across as a way to compare different kinds of illnesses and struggles cause it's not, it's just stuff I thought about while listening to the great impersonator that I needed to share. at the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill bitch lol

i still need time to process this record well enough to be able to fully put into words the amount of things that im feeling, but this whole thing about this album is bringing back things. so im sorry if this is going to be sort of a trauma dump.

in february one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer, and even tho it's not my trauma and my loss to claim it hit harder than i expected (and yes, i do feel like shit for expecting it to hit less). my friend and i grew up basically as one, we've been together since we were three years old, we spent so many afternoons in her room playing with her mum. i knew that woman too well to act like it didn't hurt me as well, but im not going to pretend it's my loss to grieve. she had a family i need to stay closer than ever now.

all of this was to say that when she died something in my brain snapped. i had the kind of reaction that makes you go 'life is short. i can't keep wasting mine. anything could happen at any minute. i dont want to go with these many things left unsaid'. which felt insane, and also kind of bad if i have to be honest, because years ago when my father died i didn't have the clarity of mind to act the same way and i wish i did.

it lasted a few months and then i fell back into my usual mental patterns and old habits, which I'm definitely not proud of, but i really do believe that even tho i keep telling myself that i went back to therapy because i needed an ocd diagnosis and someone to help me manage it (which is something that was and still is definitely very real), i actually needed to know i was working in a direction where i could, someday, be at least well enough to be there for my friends when they need me. because i fear that, right now, I'm not. and it's not fair to them to always have to second guess if they can call me or not when they need a shoulder to lean on, especially when tragedies like that happen. i want to be able to give them my undivided attention, not to have to fight against my brain to be able to barely have the energy to listen to them.

it was weird to listen to this album and realise that I can (in my own personal way, i dont want it to sound like i know the exact same pain h experienced cause i didn't go through the same things she did) relate to both of the points of view. my chronic illness is not nearly as debilitating as what she had to go through, but in my tiny way I've been both the 'heavy heart' that's 'too much to hold' and the one that wanted to try to be there for someone else and couldn't because of my own issues. and I swear im trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes. im far from perfect, but I'm trying to show up more for the people that i love.

I'm not the kind of person that needs to do something big with their life or to give meaning to it etc, but i do need to know that it's worth it, that the bad parts are balanced by something positive. and, right now, i still dont know how to hope for things, cause a future is still not a concept i feel comfortable in yet. if i have to be completely honest i never pictured myself getting this far, but now that I'm here i might as well try to *actually* be here, at least for the people i care about. I can't do that if i dont start seriously working on things i avoided for ten years, and grief plays a huge part in this because spoiler: no matter how much time it passes, it still hurts.

i wish 13yo me didn't shut down completely and was able to process things instead, but apparently it's a job for 23yo me. i still need to fully accept that it is ok to miss my dad now even if i didn't let myself feel it for years, but i'm getting there. i have a million questions for him and I'll never get the answers. i still have to learn how to deal with it. this record hit like a ton of bricks.

so once again, after saving my ass with both badlands and manic at the most perfect time, h art came in at the right moment. i feel like something in me changed after listening to this album, exactly in the same way i felt in february. i felt my perspective shift again, for the better. I hope it'll last.

i might not be able to stitch my brain back together as fast as I'd like to, this shit will take time. i still have to fully convince myself that i can use the word 'will' instead of 'could' because i still dont really believe I'll make it lol, but one step at a time. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm trying.

i'm just so glad that i can do it while listening to the great impersonator. i needed this record so bad, it's unbelievable how someone who doesn't even know me is always able to give me exactly what i need when i need it. I'll forever be grateful for what she did and keeps doing for me through her music. this album means so much more than I'll ever be able to express

[alsosprachvelociraptor]

Buenos dias Al, I'd like to ask a bit about your fankid character Benny. Is he a character that's still in use to you, that you still plan to draw in the future, or is he more on the back shelf? Secondly I'd like to ask how you feel about people drawing him, and your boundaries when it comes to that.

Finally I'd like to ask, and I'm a bit nervous to ask this non-anonymously but I think I'm ready, how do you feel about him being shipped with Tim or Jim? okay that's all thank youuuu ^3^

hi BASED CHAD, I'm glad you asked because I can finally yap without repercussions!

(Under the cut. Because im going to YAP.)

Benny is still in use actually, just not in the South Park context... as you probably know, I am currently (since 2019 acchsually 🤓☝) writing a collab crossover parody fic with my friend, called Winter Apocalypse, stupidly long and detailed at this point. (around 350k words long) TimJim does appear in this fic (in my spinoff Five Forts University), and Benny is their son in the nex-gen sequel Winter Post-Apocalypse. Since the story is still in progress, i've written about him very recently!

So him being also a South Park fanchild is more "secondary" to his genesis (almost accidental if you think about it, lol) and since i'm out of South Park, is rarer for me to draw him lately 😥

For fanarts of him- I had a period of time when I felt awkward about it. But it wasnt people's fault, only mine: I was living thru a difficult mourning and I was confused and aching inside. I didn't know what it was "canon" or "not canon" to him, I felt like he was slipping out of m control, and i got scared, so I kinda "retired" him out of the "market" to get my mind in place. Now i feel better, in general, and I am completely ok with fanarts of him! Even sexual ones now! Whatever! The only "boundary" is remembering he's deaf!

And about the ships? Let's say he loves very much his daddy Jimmy 😋 (he's absolutely meant to have a huge unresolved Oedipic complex for Jimmy + Jimmy is a bitch so iykyk) (Ben's normal to Tim tho. I never thought about them together, I dont really see it)

I also used to ship him with Jayden, Frosty's TimJim fankid (so technically Benny's brother in an AU where all fankids exist), but then during the bad period of time i mentioned before I kinda fucked up everything because i'm an idiot 😣

Thank you for stopping by and I will wait for the next mails (sounds vaguely menacing)