#the meds help but some days it just crashes and there's nothing I can do about it)

[tj-crochets]

Hey y’all! Do you have any recommendations for shower chairs? Like, features to look for, definitely look for one with this, definitely don’t want one with that, stuff like that

[pastryfication]

could you write something about oscar and his broken rib? maybe how you imagine how it happend, him going to the hospital to check it out, y/n taking care of him and being worried, him insisting to race,…

hope that helps with inspiration. you don‘t have to write everything from above just what you like

fortune in misfortune | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x gf!reader. note: i still can’t believe that he raced (AND WON???) with a broken rib so this was definitely fun to write. thank you for requesting it!! <3

you’re sitting on the couch, legs draped over oscar’s lap, when you notice him wince. it’s subtle, just a tiny flinch, but you catch it. you pull your eyes away from the movie and look at him, raising an eyebrow. "what’s wrong?"

oscar tries to shrug it off, offering a half-hearted smile. “nothing, just a little sore from training.”

you narrow your eyes, not convinced. “you sure? you don’t look fine.”

he chuckles, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “i’m okay, really. maybe i pulled something, but it’s nothing serious.”

you let it go for now, but the nagging feeling in your gut doesn’t disappear. he’s been home for a few days between races, and you’ve noticed he’s been moving a bit more carefully than usual. you figure he’s just being cautious—he’s got a big race in hungary coming up and doesn’t want to risk anything.

a couple of days later, you’re in the kitchen making breakfast when you hear a crash. rushing to the living room, you find oscar on the floor, holding his side and gritting his teeth.

“oscar!” you exclaim, dropping to your knees beside him. “what happened?”

he tries to laugh, but it comes out more like a groan. “tripped over my own feet… and then, well, the coffee table.”

your heart races as you help him up, his face pale with pain. “we’re going to the hospital.”

he starts to protest, but one look at your determined expression and he knows better than to argue. “okay, okay. but it’s probably just a bruise.”

you drive him to the hospital, anxiety bubbling in your chest. oscar tries to lighten the mood, cracking jokes and insisting that he’s fine, but you can see the discomfort etched on his face.

in the examination room, the doctor checks him over, sending him for an x-ray. you sit beside him, holding his hand, trying to mask your worry with a smile.

when the doctor returns, he frowns at the x-ray images. “well, there’s nothing obvious here, but given your symptoms, i’d like to do an ultrasound to be sure.”

oscar nods, though you can see a flicker of concern in his eyes. you squeeze his hand tighter.

a little while later, the ultrasound reveals what the x-ray didn’t—he’s got a small, hairline fracture in one of his ribs. the doctor explains it’s not too serious but could cause pain, especially with the physical demands of racing.

you feel a wave of relief mixed with fresh worry. “so what now? should he be resting? can he still race?” your questions tumble out faster than you can control them.

oscar gives you a reassuring smile, despite the obvious discomfort. “it’s just a small fracture. i’ll take it easy.”

the doctor advises some rest and pain management but doesn’t explicitly forbid racing. oscar seems almost relieved, but you’re still not convinced. “oscar, i don’t know… this sounds serious.”

“hey,” he says softly, turning to face you fully. “i’ll be careful. if it gets worse, i’ll pull out, okay? but right now, i’m feeling alright. it’s just a bit of pain.”

you know how stubborn he can be, and how much racing means to him. you want to make him stay home, keep him safe, but you also know he wouldn’t be happy with that.

over the next few days, you fuss over him—probably more than necessary, but you can’t help it. you make sure he’s comfortable, keep an eye on him whenever he moves, and remind him to take his pain meds. oscar endures it with a smile, teasing you gently about being so worried.

“you’re gonna wrap me in bubble wrap next,” he jokes one morning as you hand him a glass of water with his painkillers.

“don’t tempt me,” you reply, only half-joking. but you know you can’t keep him from going to hungary. it’s what he loves, and you can see the determination in his eyes.

the day before he’s supposed to leave, you sit together in bed, your head resting on his shoulder. “just promise me you’ll be careful.”

he kisses the top of your head, his voice soft. “i promise. and if it gets too much, i’ll stop. but i’ve got this, love. don’t worry too much.”

you nod, trying to believe it, but the worry still lingers in your chest. you just want him to be okay.

the next morning, you drive him to the airport, your hand gripping his a little tighter than usual. “text me as soon as you land, and call me if you need anything.”

oscar smiles, leaning in for a kiss. “i will. and i’ll be back before you know it.”

as you watch him walk into the terminal, you can’t shake the feeling of anxiety. but you trust him. he’ll be careful. he’s oscar, after all—strong, determined, and maybe just a little bit clumsy. and you’ll be here, waiting for him, ready to take care of him when he gets back.

[yongvillage]

bruises | k.mg

street fighter bf!mingyu x afab!reader

established relationship, porn with some plot, minghao cameo cuz i love him, mentions of injury and blood, fighting, make up sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, one joke of mingyu being a masochist, one mention of death, creampie, oral (m receiving), skull fucking, daddy kink, breeding kink, dirty talk, recording, cum swallowing, cum eating, praise, muscle and size kink if you squint but that’s guaranteed in a mingyu fic 😭😭

summary: you and mingyu get into a fight over his bad habits, angst and smut ensues

wc: 2.7k

you’ve always hated the fights mingyu got himself into. he’d come home almost every week, with cuts and bruises littered all over his body. this time wasn’t any different, it was past midnight by this point, and you were curled up on the couch watching a random movie in an attempt to distract yourself from your growing worries. mingyu is usually home by this point.

a few more minutes go by and mingyu stumbles through the door with more injuries than usual. he sets his key down as you frantically walk towards him, noticing the way be avoids your eyes, “gyu.. your face, your bleeding everywhere.” he gives you a cold stare, his face battered and bloodied, and he brushes past you, going towards the bathroom where your med-kit usually was.

“yeah that’s the whole point y/n, it’s called street fighting for a reason.” you knew he wasn’t actually mad at you, just pent up anger from years of fighting, and especially tonight. scanning his whole body, the bright bathroom lighting allowing for you to see all his cuts and wounds more closely.

he slipped off his shirt, a huge bruise starting to form on the left side of his torso. “..you sure you didn’t break something?” your hand coming up to lightly stroke his ribs, mingyu’s anger blinding him from leaning into your warm touch.

“no, and why do you care so much anyway? it’s not like this is the first time.”

you tipped your head to the side, a ‘what’s that smell’ expression laid on your face, “what kind of question is that? i care because you’re my boyfriend, of course i’m gonna be worried.” your voice was nothing short of angry, your eyebrows almost meeting in the middle due to your frustration.

“you shouldn’t be.”

“uhh? yes i should, i’m tired of seeing you walk in here everyday with new cuts to clean. and your ribs.. mingyu you need to go see a doctor.”

“look y/n, i’ve been doing this for years—“

“well i think you should stop.”

it was deathly quiet, and mingyu’s hand holding a cotton pad paused in the air as he stared at you through the mirror. only the whirring sound of your ac being heard to combat the july heat. mingyu looked at you for a bit, chuckling to himself as his tongue poked through the side of his cheek, grabbing the gauze out of the med-kit and wrapping it around his knuckles.

“what’s so fucking funny?”

“oh nothing just that fact that you think you can tell me what to do.”

“yeah i’ll you what to do if it means not having you die in some alleyway.”

“please y/n, it never goes that far.”

“look at yourself! you basically limped in here, and i tried to help you but now you act like i’m a bitch for being worried about you?” you yelled.

mingyu finished up the gauze as he dropped everything and grabbed his shirt, walking towards the door. he left with a slam, not even caring to bid you goodbye, or kiss you and say ‘i love you’ like he always does.

the post-anger tears started streaming down your face. you knew he was probably gonna go crash at minghao’s, yet even with how frustrated you were, you still couldn’t help but worry and think about mingyu going to sleep untreated.

-

9:02 PM

(5) missed calls

gyu?

mingyu im sorry

are you okay? did minghao get you painkillers?

please dont fight again, at least take some time to let ur body rest :((

a full day had gone by. guilt stirred in mingyu’s stomach as he stared at his phone screen. he was the one who should be apologizing, not you.

he sighed, shutting off his phone and getting up. he knew he had to face you at some point.

“you leaving?”

mingyu hummed, shuffling into his shoes and heading out the door as minghao yelled out a goodbye. mingyu hopped in his car, letting the silence engulf him.

when mingyu walked into the apartment he noticed how dim it was, assuming you were asleep. he took his shoes off as quietly as possible, making his way to your guys’ shared bedroom. he heard a muffled voice, noting that the door was only half closed, peeking into the crack.

he saw you, adorned in one of his hoodies that was much too big for you, sleeves bunched up at your wrists and the hem coming down to your mid-thigh, naked legs on full display.

you paced around the room and it looked like you were on the phone with someone, the voice being hard to identify.

“did he say anything to you when he left?”

“nah, he just walked out.”

oh. it was minghao.

“shit, um, he didn’t even mention where he was going?”

mingyu heard the panic in your voice and the way your forefinger and thumb came to rub at your temples. he walked in as your eyes shot up to look at him, not hesitating to hang up on minghao, throwing your phone on the bed and running to jump into mingyu’s arms.

“oh my god mingyu!” you looked up at him and immediately started hitting him, “stupid! stupid! stupid! i hate you!” each hit enunciating your words, feeling like nothing but weak taps to mingyu. tears spilled out of your eyes, as mingyu only hugged you closer, hand coming up to pet your hair as the other cradled your head into his chest. he heard your muffled sniffing, his heart breaking at the stress he caused you.

“shhh i know, i know i’m stupid. i’m sorry baby.”

“you’re so mean! why didn’t you at least text me back? do you know how scared i was?” your voice broke, looking up at him with swollen eyes.

“i ..” mingyu paused, his hands coming down to hold your face, “i know i fucked up, i was too embarrassed to face you, afraid that you’d end things with me, which i would’ve probably deserved. i’m so, so sorry angel, i know no amount of apologizing will take away your worries, and i know i should’ve stayed and talked things out with you”

his thumb came to wipe away your falling tear, your hands hooking around his neck and pulling him down to kiss you. he instantly reciprocated, hands traveling down to wrap around your waist, pulling you close so that your bodies were flush against each other.

“i forgive you, i’m sorry for raising my voice at you.” you mumbled into his mouth, mingyu backing away to confusedly look at you.

“why are you apologizing? don’t say sorry baby, you should’ve slapped me as soon as i walked through that door.”

you giggled, looking down as you felt something press into your stomach, “you’re hard? really? got hard at the thought of me slapping you?” you teased.

“loooook..” mingyu looked away bashfully, his hand scratching the back of his neck.

“ew, you’re such a weirdo.” you said, slipping off mingyu’s hoodie to reveal a white tank top, your hard nipples poking through the thin fabric. you dropped down to your knees, fingers going straight to work untying your boyfriend’s sweatpants and pulling them down, along with his boxers, to his knees.

“oh, shit, hold on— you don’t have to do that baby.” mingyu hooked his hands underneath your armpits, attempting to pull you up being cut off by you stroking him.

“please, i want to.”

mingyu hesitated but was soon slapping his tip against your cheek, cooing at the way your head followed to try and get it in your mouth. finally he put it where you wanted, circling your tongue around the sensitive head. mingyu’s head lulled back, letting out a groan.

you took all of him into your mouth at once, his tip consistently hitting your uvula as you bobbed your head, twisting your hand on the base of his cock.

“fuck juuust like that baby, shit, h-have you been practicing on other guys or something?”

you laughed, only causing you to choke on his length, hitting his thigh as punishment for making you laugh while doing something that literally constricts your airflow.

“okay, okay, no more jokes, got it.” mingyu snickered, his gauzed hand grabbing your hair into a makeshift ponytail.

you came off of him with a pop, wiping off the drool dripping down your chin with the back of your hand, “gyu, u-use my mouth.”

mingyu smiled smugly, wordlessly grabbing ahold of your head with his other hand before shallowly thrusting into your wet mouth.

it wasn’t long before his length was ramming into your throat, breathless fuck’s and just like that’s leaving his cut lips. he was scared to even look down, afraid that if he saw your fucked out face he’d cum too quick.

you’re eyes looked up at him, tendrils of hair slipping past mingyu’s hold due to the sheer speed at which his hips slammed into your mouth.

“christ y/n, you look s’pretty like this, gon’ let daddy take a picture?”

you moaned at the label he placed on himself, nodding around his cock, eyes never leaving his sweat and scab covered face. mingyu pulled out his phone, angling the camera at your face. a red box with white numbers ascending appearing at the top of his screen.

“it’s a video baby, you don’t mind do you?” mingyu laughed when you attempted to hum a nuh-uh, only a string of muffled gags being heard. you were so wet, clit aching to be touched. you inched your hand down to touch yourself, drawing quick, fast circles.

“of course you don’t, so perfect, take my dick so well”

mingyu realized what it was you were doing to your lower half, “y’touching yourself? don’t worry daddy will fill y’up nice and good after this, j-jus’ let me cum in your mouth pretty.”

with a few final thrusts, and the erratic spasming of mingyu’s hips, you felt his hot cum travel down your throat, hollowing your cheeks as you slurped every last drop.

your knees ached as mingyu pulled you up, ending the video and hastily putting it in his hidden folder. he pulled you into a kiss, “did so good f’me baby, you always know how to spoil me.” he spoke into your mouth, tasting his own release.

“w-wanna ride you,” you huffed out, breathless. mingyu grinned, the right side of his face being the only indication of it, while the left was so mangled you couldn’t tell what expression he was even making. whoever he fought got him good.

“you sure? don’t tire yourself doll.”

“i’m sure!” you said grabbing mingyu’s hand, dragging him to the bed.

“whatever you say cutie,” mingyu let out a strangled breath while lowering himself down onto the bed, his torso still extremely sore, and his head perched up against the headboard. you quickly pulled down your shorts and panties as you swung your leg over his thighs, leaning down to kiss him.

you hand raked over his chest and chiseled abs, fingers dipping into each and every crevice as mingyu’s tongue explored your mouth. you pulled back and grabbed a hold of his flushed cock, rubbing it along your folds as your slick dripped down his length, a whimper leaving your lips.

“shit.” he hissed, staring intently as you paused your ministrations to line yourself up, slowly sinking down. you stared down at where you were taking him in, brushing the hair out of your face to get a better look. mingyu’s mouth fell agape, “you’re so fucking tight,” watching as a bulge slowly formed just below your belly button. even after the countless times you and mingyu had had sex, he was always just so big, your tiny pussy barely taking him in each time.

you finally looked up, mingyu’s eyes meeting your own. “jus’ gimme a sec gyu, you’re s-so big,” you said breathlessly.

mingyu smirked cockily, “take your time gorgeous.” his hands soothingly rubbing you’re plush thighs.

you bounced slowly, feeling each vein of his cock drag against your walls, tiny gasps leaving your lips. mingyu let you control the pace for a bit, allowing for you to adjust to his size. but he was getting impatient, his hands coming down to grip the sides of your hips, his four digits digging themselves into your ass before lifting you up and slamming you back down, the movement knocking the wind of you, making your jaw go slack.

“fuck!” your head hung low, hands coming up to grip his broad, muscly shoulders for support, watching out for any bruises.

“that’s it baby, just hold onto daddy and let him make y’feel good.”

mingyu’s pace was animalistic, his hold on you hard enough to leave an imprint. you were shocked as to how he had this much energy considering what his body had endured a night ago.

tears welled up in your eyes, feeling his tip kiss your cervix with each thrust. the curve of his cock aligning just right with your g-spot. “oh my fff-fucking god! mingyu please, ha-harder!”

you didn’t even know if it was possible to go harder, but mingyu managed to slam you down with even more force then before. a bead of sweat ran down his tan neck, his bangs sticking to his forehead as he stared up at you with hooded eye. his hips thrust upwards to meet you halfway, causing you to let out mangled gasps and moans. you were sure he was puncturing your lungs by this point. no inch of your pussy was left unexplored, squishy pink walls molded perfectly to hug his cock.

“jus’ like that gorgeous, your pussy was made f’me.”

“s-soo deep daddy, feel you in my tummy..” you whined out as you saw mingyu grin, canines on display, his hand coming up to grab yours, placing your hand on the bulge on your stomach, almost cumming right there when you felt the bump.

“fuck, you jus’ got so tight, y-you like when daddy pokes your tummy like that?”

you nodded frantically, tears flowing down your hot, pink cheeks, “i-i’m gon—na cum, g-gonna cum!” you struggled to get the words out, mingyu understanding you nonetheless.

“cum with me baby, gon’ let daddy cum in you?”

“fuck, yes d-daddy, want you to fill me up so bad, p-put a .. a baby in me,” mingyu loved how dirty your mouth got every time you were close to coming. his right hand pressed onto the small of your back, causing you to arch into him. his mouth was at perfect level with your nipples, taking your tit into his mouth and circling the hard nub with his tongue.

the pleasure was all too much, and with a few more hard thrusts your hole was spasming around his thick base, clenching and unclenching, mingyu’s mouth detaching from your breast as he looked up at you, his eyes shutting tightly as hot cum shot into your pussy.

“shiiiit, you’re milking me baby.” mingyu said, still grinding your hips onto him as he rode out both of your orgasms.

you reluctantly lifted yourself off of him, feeling some of mingyu’s cum drip down your thigh, scooping it with your index and middle finger and licking it off as you cuddled into his side, his arm laid across your shoulder.

mingyu watched as you cleaned him off your fingers, smoothing your disheveled hair. “such a good girl, not letting any of daddy’s cum go to waste.” he said as he booped your nose.

you giggled, “you okay though, gyu? d-does it hurt anywhere?” you asked, still breathless from your fresh orgasm.

“don’t worry about me doll, are you feeling okay? did i go too hard?”

“mm-hm, just a lil’ sore,” you snuggled closer.

“a shower should help ease y’up,” mingyu swung his feet over the bed, getting up as he reached his hand out, “think you can walk?”

“nooo i need my big, strong boyfriend to help carry me,” you joked, climbing into mingyu’s arms as he threw you over his shoulder, landing a playful slap on your ass.

“asshole! i’m not helping you replace your bandages.” mingyu could hear the pout in your voice, laughing as he made his way to the bathroom.

@yongvillage | thank you for reading!

[cripplecharacters]

Do you know any good sources for burn scar care?

I’m writing a character who was burned in a spaceship crash. The story is set several years after the fact, and I want to incorporate that detail into the story. What would a burn scar care routine look like?

Hi!

I generally recommend medical websites for this kind of stuff. There are tons of information readily available online, especially about things as common as a burn injury. Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors or MSKTC can be helpful for you!

While caring for a burn scar will be different for everyone (there's many types, degrees, plus just individual differences between burn survivors themselves) some of the things that you can include;

Burnt skin doesn't produce its own oils, so it gets dry. It needs to be moisturized, oil-based products (think coconut or grape seed oil) are often used. The heavier the lotion, the fewer times a day it needs to be applied.

Massaging a scar, especially when it's relatively new. It can be a massage, but stretching or just putting pressure on it is part of that too. It helps the skin from becoming extremely sensitive. Initially you do it delicately, but after the scars are matured it's fine (or recommended even) to put some force into it. This loosens them up.

Itching is a huge issue. Both massaging and moisturizing help with that, but if it's still causing problems then there are medications that could provide some relief.

Protecting the skin from the sun. All year, including cloudy weather. Sunblock, big hats, sunglasses if needed, all that. This applies to people with darker skin as well because the skin loses its pigment after a burn (it can sometimes come back but it's definitely not a guarantee).

Avoiding the heat. A lot of burn survivors will have problems with temperature regulation because burns damage the sweat glands, so they overheat faster. There's nothing burn-specific here, same protocol as for avoiding a heatstroke - drink water and keep out of the sun.

Wearing softer and looser clothing. Rough and tight clothes can cause blisters, and that is a Problem. Inappropriate materials could also induce more itching.

Taking pain meds. Chronic pain is common, so your character might need medication.

I definitely wouldn't say that this is an exhaustive list, but I think it's a good start! If you need more details, I think the resources linked above should work.

I'm glad to see people interested in burn scars being a disability that requires a lot of care rather than seeing it as a solely visual thing! Makes it much more authentic :-)

I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

[planchettewrites]

Remy LeBeau (Gambit)/AFAB!Reader

DESCRIPTION: You're having an anxiety attack, and Remy finds you and helps you calm down.

CONTENT: Anxiety Attacks, Can Be Read as Platonic/Romantic, AFAB!Reader in mind, but no actual pronouns are used.

A/N: I wrote this in forty minutes, so in all honesty, it's probably not very good. I had this idea last night after I was having some serious anxiety. Gambit is truly a comfort character for me, so I hope that you can find some comfort in this too.

552 words | Safe!

Remy’s arms were tight around you as your erratic breathing was nowhere close to beginning to steady itself. He found you only two minutes ago when you had dropped to your knees in the middle of one of the winding hallways of the mansion. Anxiety was flooding your body in a way that felt overpowering—like the crashing waves of an oceanic storm. You trembled and shook, and the only thing keeping you tethered to this planet was the arms around you. 

“Shh, it’s all gonna be okay, chérie; Gambit’s right here.” he cooed, rocking you both gently back and forth. Your chest was tight, and your brain felt scrambled. Nothing was right, and nothing felt okay. Today was a long day, and now it was ending with an anxiety attack.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you tried to steady your breathing. Your arms were wrapped around Remy’s arms, attempting to keep him as close to you as possible. He was your current lifeline, and you’d be damned if you were going to let him go. With your head pressed against his chest, you tried to listen to his heartbeat. If there was one thing he was good at, it was keeping calm, and his heartbeat reflected that. Slow and rhythmic, his heartbeat gives you a more relaxed rhythm to focus on. 

His grasp around you tightened as you let out another plaintive cry. “Oh, sweetheart, I know. Keep tryin’ to match my breathing; you’re doing so well. I got ya, and I ain’t letting go.”

You try to steady your mind and listen to his breathing; his chest’s gentle rise and fall gives you an anchor. “I’m sorry,” you sputtered out. Part of you felt guilty for all of this. Remy didn’t need to be here comforting you; he could be off doing God knows what with God knows who, but here he was, spending his time with you. Attempting to bring you back to Earth. 

“Nothin’ to be sorry for, darlin’.” he smiled. “You just keep focusin’ on my breathin’. Gambit’s not leavin’ until you feel better.”

It took a few minutes, but you could feel your breathing begin to slow. Remy still rocked you both back and forth and kept his breathing slow. This didn’t go unnoticed by the man whose arms were keeping you safe, and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “Great job, chérie, keep breathin’ with me. You’re doin’ amazing.”

What felt like an eternity later, and your breathing finally returned to normal, you shifted to face Remy. He showed you a gentle smile. “You did so good, and I’m so proud of you.” he unwrapped his arms from you to wipe the remnants of your tears. With another gentle movement, he helped you back to your feet. “Let’s get you to the med-bay; you can lie down there.”

“Please don’t go,” you muttered. “Please.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Remy grabbed your hand and walked you toward the medical wing of the mansion. He was true to his word; he didn’t leave your side the whole time. He kept you grounded and steady the entire walk there and helped you lie down on one of the beds, tucking you in gently. 

Inevitably, he was right. Things were going to be okay. 

[callsign-muffin]

Heal Together: Chapter 1

(Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw fic)

I've been lurking on here for a while, reading Top Gun fics and I recently got inspired to write one of my own. Hopefully someone reads it and likes it!

Note about the format: Between every header is a change in the point of view :)

Summery: When Rooster was med-evaced back to San Diego from the mission field, the last thing he expected was to wake up with a tube down his throat and the most beautiful woman he's ever seen at his bedside.

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.1k

“Hey Carly, I’m taking over for room 4 today. Are you ready to give report?” You ask the cute blonde night shift nurse, she looked about 12 years old. What in the hell was she doing in the ICU of a military hospital? Hell, you should be asking yourself the same question. You hated it here at this boys club where nurses were ignored as a female dominated profession, despite being the people who spend the most amount of time at the patient’s bedside in a 12 hour stretch. But you were only one week into this eight week travel assignment and the money was great, so you just had to grin and bear it and make as few enemies as possible.

“The census is low, is this gonna be your only patient?” She asked.

“Yeah.” You pulled out your report sheet and pen, “Let’s hope it stays that way.”

You could tell Carly was fresh off of orientation by how nervous she looked before beginning to speak.

“Hey,” You placed a comforting hand on her knee, “take your time, tell me what you know, and if I have any questions I’ll ask them when you’re done. You just finished a long shift, it’s okay to be a little out of it. We’ll get all the info we need together. No pressure, okay?”

“Okay,” Carly nodded and took a deep breath, “This is Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw, 35 year old male, full code, no known allergies…”

You quietly took down the pertinent information about Lt. Bradshaw as Carly spoke. He was a pilot, recovered after a crash, and was stitched back together pretty well on the aircraft carrier, he went septic and was transported back to the states to your hospital. Pretty standard stuff. He was currently on a ventilator for breathing support but all seemed to be going in a positive direction despite the shitty circumstances.

Carly finished her report with a sigh of relief, you had a feeling the staff nurses weren’t as respectful when receiving report from a new graduate. “Any questions?”

“Any family  at the bedside?” You asked.

“No, no family. Apparently a guy named Pete Mitchell calls daily for updates, they’re not related but he’s included on the patient’s medical information release forms, so we can talk to him. Chart says he’s single, no siblings, and both parents have passed away.” Carly yawned, she was beginning to fade after a long night. You didn’t want to hold her up anymore than necessary, she needed to get home and go to bed.

“Okay,” You clicked your pen, “Sounds good. Let’s go check lines and meds so you can get out of here.”

She paused for a second as you got up from your chair at the nurses station, “Y/N… thank you for being so nice… I’m only a week off of orientation and things are still so new…”

You smiled at the compliment, “We’ve all been there. Every nurse on this unit was new at one point and I think sometimes they forget that. Hell, I’m a traveler and this is only my second week and there’s so much that’s new to me too. You’re doing great.”

You spent the first part of your morning before rounds with the care team just cleaning up the patient, organizing the room, all that good stuff. Though it wasn’t necessarily considered “professional”, you played some music softly from your phone as you worked. You found that music or just talking to patients on vents helped with agitation. You couldn’t imagine anything more tortuous than listening to repetitive beeping and alarms all day long and nothing else. Though most managers didn’t like it, that didn’t stop you. What were they gonna do? Fire you? Hospitals hire travelers at such a high price point when they’re understaffed and desperate. They needed you more than you needed them.

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

“When the sun goes down, we’ll be groovin’

When the sun goes down, we’ll feel alright

When the sun sinks down over the water

Everything is hotter when the sun goes down…”

Who the fuck listens to Kenny Chesney anymore? Rooster thought to himself.

He knew he was sick, the docs on the ship told him that before they knocked him out to shove the tube down his throat. They told him he’d be med-evaced back to San Diego because the hospital where he was overseas didn’t have the capabilities to take care of someone as sick as him. He didn’t know how long he had been there, all the days run together when you’re too weak to open your eyes. He was used to having things done to him, he was past the point of getting agitated about it, because he knew they’d just sedate him more.

“Alright, Bradshaw.” A confident voice said, “All of your lines are untangled, your room is clean, and your initial assessment is done… How about we have a little spa day? You’re smellin’ a little… ripe.”

RUDE! 

“HA! You can hear me! You raised your eyebrows!” She giggled, damn it was a cute giggle. Rooster honestly hadn’t realized he was moving his face. But he believed her because that’s what his face usually does when he’s surprised. “You’ve been caught. No more playing dumb.”

Water started running, splashing, and the suction was turned on… that sound usually meant his mouth was gonna get cleaned and he was gonna feel something funny down his throat. He hated it.

“Carly told me you were getting agitated during mouth care last night. Since you can hear me, I’m going to tell you everything I’m doing, so don’t get sassy with me.” She said, “Deal?”

Anything for the first person not to treat me like a damn vegetable. This was the first time someone actually talked to him and told him what the fuck was happening since he got here. It was a welcome change.

The kind yet sassy voice interrupted his thoughts, “Okay, mouth care. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

She didn’t lie to him, she was quick and the stupid suction caused him minimal discomfort. Maybe it was because he could brace himself, or maybe it was because she was just really good at her job.

“I’m about to give you a full body bath, so how about we get to know each other a little bit.” She said as she adjusted his sheets and pillows to reposition him, placing a towel under his head, and rinsing his hair with warm water.

Rooster’s whole body relaxed.

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m obviously your nurse today and will probably be for the next few days…” Nurse Y/N went on about where she’s from, her hobbies, how she’s not making many friends in this new hospital she’s been contracted out to.

Welcome to the military, it’s a boy’s club. He wished he could say that to her. He imagined medicine was similar to aviation, full of egos.

Before Rooster knew it, his whole body had been washed from head to toe. He hadn’t felt this clean in what felt like years.

“So Lieutenant… not to be crude but… I gotta clean your bits. But at least we’ve really gotten to know each other.” Nurse Y/N said, “Your girlfriend will thank me later.”

Ha! Rooster laughed to himself, What girlfriend?! My dick hasn’t been played with in months!

Like with the mouth care, her cleaning was quick and respectful. And damn, being clean felt so good. She went on to change his gown, sheets, and blankets. Rooster truly felt like a new man.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw, you’ve never looked better.” She said with a satisfied sigh.

That’s a damn lie, but I’ll take the compliments wherever I can get them at this point.

“Hey Y/N,” Another female voice said, “They’re starting with you for rounds. Are you ready to present your patient or should I stall?”

“Nah, I’m ready. Tell them to come in whenever.” Nurse Y/N said, then her voice got low and she whispered to Bradley, “I’m gonna try to get them to lighten your sedation and move towards trials of turning the ventilator off. It’s not gonna be comfortable but the sooner we start working towards getting that tube out of your throat, the sooner you can get the hell out of here.”

Rooster wanted to make sure she knew he heard her and that he was on board, it took every ounce of strength in his body, but he nodded.

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

“No way.” The resident physician said simply after you gave your recommendation with your presentation of Lt. Bradshaw

You were dumbfounded. What the hell did he mean no?!, “This patient was more than ready to move towards extubation.” 

“And what makes you the expert?” the resident asked.

Oh lord, this fresh out of med school asshole was turning rounds into a dick measuring contest.

“The fact that I’ve been at his bedside for the past three and a half hours, I assessed him, bathed him, turned him, and he is showing signs of progress. The next step is spontaneous breathing trials and extubation. The longer he stays on the vent, the more likely he is to get pneumonia, as we all should know, Doctor.” You explained coolly but made sure to add his (probably newly earned) title. 

“I agree with…” The attending looked at you and scanned your badge, “... Y/N… What do you think from a Respiratory Therapy standpoint, Brent?” He looked over at Brent, the RT.

Brent smirked and narrowed his eyes at the resident, “I also think moving towards extubation is a good thing. If he has two successful trials, he could be off the vent by the end of the day.”

The attending physician nodded, “Then it’s a plan. And I think this is a really good lesson for the residents and medical students with us on rounds, the nurses know more about the patient than we do. We should always consider their recommendations because they have the most valuable view on the patient, simply because they spend time with them.”

You tried to dim the glow that was on your face.

 “Thanks, Dr…” You scanned the attending’s badge the same way he did yours.

“Carter, Brendan Carter.” He extended his hand and you shook it, “Glad to have you here.”

That was the most welcome anyone had made you feel in the last week here. Who would’ve thought a wrinkly old attending doctor with dancing eyes would be the person to stand up for you and make you feel secure in your clinical decision making.

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

Rooster wasn’t sure how much time had gone by since Nurse Y/N told him she was turning down his sedatives but it felt like he could open his eyes almost instantly. It was so… bright. Once his eyes adjusted, he scanned his surroundings, the lights weren’t even on but the sun shining through the large window felt blinding. He looked to his left and saw the machine that the tube in his throat was attached to, the machine that had kept him alive for God knows how long. He looked to his right and saw multiple IV poles that attached him to lines and lines of medicine and fluid. Further to his right, he saw a woman standing at a computer, typing away furiously, her face was serious yet beautiful, was that Nurse Y/N?

“Good morning, Lt. Bradshaw.” She said quietly, “You’re still attached to your breathing tube, so you can’t talk. Now that you’re awake we’re one step closer to getting you off that thing. Sound good?”

Rooster nodded slowly, wishing he could thank her for everything. For talking to him, bathing him, treating him like a human-being.

“Do you feel strong enough to write?” She asked, “Can I get you a whiteboard?”

He nodded again.

“I’ll be right back.” She swiftly left the room. 

Rooster couldn’t help but love watching her walk away. Along with a beautiful face, he could tell she had a great body hiding underneath those scrubs. It had been so long since he’d seen a pretty girl.

She returned quickly with a whiteboard and a marker, handing it to him, “What’s on your mind Lieutenant?”

Call me Bradley. He scribbled, 

“Nice to meet you Bradley.” She smiled down at him, “How are ya feelin’?”

Better now that I’m clean and awake. He wrote.

“There’s something healing about a bath and being taken out of your drug induced sleep, huh?” She giggled.

Rooster nodded and started writing again, Thank you for everything.

“No biggie. I’m glad to see you doing so well. Is it okay if I do a full assessment on you, just since you’re awake now?” She asked.

He nodded, this girl could do anything she wanted to him. She was basically his angel.

[yanderes-galore]

(DBD) The Unknown scenario where it's mimicking a clock in readers home to toy with them/indirectly tell them how much time they have left before they get taken by it? - Dredge anon

Considering how it can mimic voices... sounds make sense, too. This is a bit short but I hope it shows a theme of dread. I like writing fics that are just dread. I know this could have been longer, but I just... got impatient like usual.

Ticking Down

Yandere! The Unknown Scenario

Pairing: Dubious

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation (?), Implied kidnapping, Swearing, Dubious intentions.

Why won't the ticking stop?

You have been up for what feels like nights to the sound of distant ticking. It happens every night, waking you up every time. You've checked everywhere for it.

You're pretty sure the clocks in your home don't have batteries anymore.

Every night just drags you to the brink of madness. The lack of sleep makes you jumpy, anxious. You feel as though you're being watched.

... Are you?

You can't stop glancing around your home. In the mirror, your eyes are bloodshot with bags. You're shaking due to nerves and the lack of proper rest.

That dreaded ticking ringing in your ears as you wander your home idly.

At this point the ticking doesn't sound mechanical. You can't describe it but... it doesn't sound right. How do you know the ticking isn't all in your head?

What if the ticking stopped long ago?

What if you're really just crazy?

You begin to get frustrated as hours turn into days. By the time weeks start rolling around, you feel like a zombie power napping in your home. Yet you can never stay asleep for long.

Tick...

Tick...

Tick....

A clock you can never disable. Soon enough you have trouble trying to figure out what's real and what's fake. You quiver and shake in your bed, at this point in hysterics.

The ticking still torments you. You even went to the doctor, only to be given a prescription for sleep pills and anti-psychotics. You try to take them... it's temporary relief...

But then it's no longer just the dreaded ticking.

You thought the meds would help if you're crazy. Except now you hear distorted giggling and scuttling outside. You keep looking out your windows, your doors...

There's just more ticking.

Frustration makes you scream in your home. A scream of anguish and fatigue. You just want to be normal! What do you get in return?

More laughs... more laughs at your expense. Then there's more scuttling and you wonder if you're laughing at yourself. This has got to be all some psychotic hallucination.

There's more ticking... more scuttling...

And an audible thump against your home.

You jump, looking around. You're crazy... Yes, you're crazy.... Because thinking you're crazy is more rational than accepting reality.

You had exited your room from another power nap in an attempt to investigate the noise. Your living room seemed still... nothing in sight. You even look outside your door... nothing.

Yet you hear voices whisper as there's more quick skittering once you close the door. More ticking echoes in your ears as you sob. You just want to sleep... you want things to end...

Then there's a loud crash in your home... and the thump of someone hitting the floor.

You quietly yet quickly pace towards the noise, looking into your bedroom from the hallway. In your room lies someone... or something... on the floor. Your window has shattered glass across the floor... black goo coating the sharp debris...

Then the damn thing moves.

You don't bother stifling the scream from your mouth as the... creature moves. Each movement is twisted, unnatural... each bone in its body cracking as a hollow face stares at you. You feel nausea burn in your throat...

Then it starts fucking ticking....

You feel yourself losing it. Yes, you really are crazy. You must be. But this all looks too damn real...

It smells too damn real... like a corpse.

The creature taunts you. It doesn't bother talking, just ticking. For a moment you try to be rational. That ticking is too familiar to you. For just a moment...

You wonder if this creature is behind all your problems...

But that's crazy... you're crazy...

Yet you'd believe it.

The being, a twisted amalgamation of something that looks human... but isn't... stalks closer. Black ichor drips from the wounds in its flesh. It smells... foreign. Rot and toxins are what comes to mind...

You need to run...

Yet you're so tired...

You can't take it anymore.

Tears run down your cheeks, you back away. It's so hard to breathe. You feel panic set in as you try to flee.

The ticking feels as though it gets louder as you try to run. It's all such a primal instinct. Your head pounds and aches. Your vision suddenly distorted and you find your body giving out from the lack of sleep.

You cry out as your body collides with the floor. You whimper quietly as you try to get up. God, it hurts to even run... It hurts...

You freeze when you hear the cracking of bones and the creature skittering across the floor. You feel it step over you on all fours before standing in front of you. The creature's neck snaps... bent backwards to look at you. You stare... the being's twisted head staring at you.

Its twisted smile is what greets you as it moves closer, shaking in anticipation...

Then the ticking starts again.

[fromabasementonthehilll]

My Girlfriend Is a Witch (pt.1)

͙⁺･༓☾ - Summary: after finding the cabin, lottie ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎had begun acting weirder than usual.

Pairing: lottie matthews x fem!reader

Warnings: ...

Pt.2

a/n: thinking of making this into 2 or 3 parts?? this is more of a build up so I'm sorry if it's a bit slow!

∘₊✧────────────────────✧₊∘

It had been a week, maybe more, after the crash. You counted the days - believing it wasn't long until you would all be found and saved. Everyone followed the same belief, but it slowly began to lose its appeal as the days got longer and there was no promise of rescue, and you had lost track anyway.

Misty had treated you alongside everyone else, she wrapped your gashed shoulder up with a bandage out of some emergency aid kit in the planes cabinet, which you had been unwrapping everyday to keep clean. It was fine at first, but the shortages of antibiotics and extra bandages had it healing much slower than it should've, it hurt like a bitch and you were putting up the best 'tough' act you could to avoid adding anymore stress to the situation.

You sat outside of the cabin on a broken log, setting up fire to cook dinner, faintly smelling the herbs in the air that Mari managed to find whilst the others were either doing laundry or getting water from the nearby lake. Lottie hadn't been doing much, though. Her mind was in a different place ever since the crash, you noticed as she began to act differently recently, but you thought nothing of it - everyone else had been stressed, unorganised and tired, so why would it be out of the ordinary for Lottie to feel the same?

You and Lottie began dating a month before the flight, she had confessed to you one day after practice - you watched panic on her face as she barely managed to get her words out, before you laughed in reassurance and told her you felt the same way. Neither of you had told anyone about your relationship and wanted to keep it that way - it wouldn't benefit you or her.

"Hey, you okay?" she came up to you, sitting on the log opposite of the one you sat on, her expression ardent each time she saw you.

"Yeah, is Shauna done with the meat yet?" You asked, feeling hunger eat away at your stomach. "No I don't think so, she's trying to get Jackie to do something," she explained, "I'm sure she'll be done by the time you set up the fire, though." you nodded, giving up on rubbing sticks for the time being. "You look real good for someone who's stranded in the wilderness, y'know" she laughed, watching you trying to rub off the ash from last nights fire, "Shut up, Lottie" you teased with the same toothy smile she loved.

It took you a while to get used to the new situation, though more often than not you were helping around with things. In around 5th grade your parents thought it was a good idea to get you into girl scouts, you partially hated them for it - the uniform sucked and you'd always be covered in dirt. You had been mentally reciting the folklore stories told by the counsellors; as the wilderness caved in some of your old memories, often wondering if they had any truth to them. You stayed there until you turned 14, learning a bunch of survival skills that you brushed off as stupid, it was ironic how useful they were now.

"Lot, how are you?" You hadn't asked that in ages, too preoccupied with surviving, just as everyone else had been. Lottie's breath hitched, knowing she wasn't fine at all, considering her meds ran out. "I'm fine, I just missed you (y/n)." She smiled sheepishly, suppressing the doubt she had in her own words. She truly did miss you, the distance that brewed between you two wasn't as bad as it could've been, but she needed you the most right now.

You could sense her unease, standing up to sit next to her, "You can talk to me, you know that right?" You moved your hand towards hers, smiling warmly as you looked at each other. her eyes were filled with anguish, her jaw clenching before she spoke,

"Promise you won't think I'm weird?"

"I promise."

You leaned towards her, watching as she tucked her hair behind her ear before letting loose of her worry, "I've had these strange visions," Her gaze was diverted to the floor, "and I've been hearing things." she shook her head in disbelief, almost shocked; confused. "What kind of visions?" You kept your eyes on her, not thinking any less of her. "I don't know, it's like I can see what happens before it happens." She gave you a sorry look, you opened your mouth to speak before being interrupted by Shauna, "Here." Jackie stood behind her as Shauna handed you the meat, looking at it in complete disgust.

Lottie wasn't given the opportunity to offer you an explanation, but it made sense to you, considering her strange act for the past week.

-

The night grew colder than the last, you had been sleeping in the attic with lottie for the past few days to prove it wasn't haunted, and you struggled to keep heat upstairs. "Just sleep here, near the fire." Shauna stated after you had tried to haggle for more blankets, you refused, though, wanting to spend more time with Lottie and keep an eye on her after she had opened up to you. "well feel free to come downstairs, there's always room." she finished, laying down the pillows.

You climbed the ladder to see lottie already there, facing the window - illuminated by the moon and stars. sitting behind her, you spoke, "Another vision?" It was a couple days after she had spoken to you about them, and she told you what she could. They weren't too frequent, but when they happened you'd stay close to her.

"I heard a baby crying this time, it went on and off for a while, but I cant figure it out." Her words were cold and hurt. You were the only one who knew about her newfound state, since you swore not to tell anybody to avoid Lottie seeming crazy to the others, and that's why you tried your best to understand, to help her. but often your help was useless, you figured it might've just been a trauma response to the crash, and you stuck around. You wrapped your arms around her shoulders, hugging her from behind, bringing your body close to hers and resting your head on the back of her neck.

"Things'll gonna be okay, Lottie." Your voice was warming, bringing slight comfort to her discomfort.

You two sat there for a while, your eyes resting as she gazed at the night sky, before she turned to face you. "What if they won't be?" She bit her lip, making constant eye contact with you. She'd wear your jewellery often, you assumed it just got lost in the crash until you noticed, but she just wanted you close to her when you weren't around, and talking to each other for more than a minute was rare lately, so she had resorted to constant distress and longing.

She couldn't risk hurting you as a result of her own disturbance, just like she had before, and she subconsciously needed your reassurance that things wouldn't go that way.

"Why would you think that?" You shook your head, seeing Lottie avert her gaze to your shoulder, "Because things haven't been in our favour for a while." Her feelings were daunting to figure out, you looked up at her with sad yet hopeful eyes. "Stressing about it isn't gonna make it any better, Lot." You chuckled lightly, sensing tension brewing and wanting to avoid her mind going back into the dark place it would often wander to. She smiled in return, her eyes softening at your remark. "Hey do you remember when we would go on those road trips? you'd be so tired driving, I'd have to remind you not to crash into a tree" Lottie spoke, you saw her jaw soften and heard her laugh filling the wooden room, "And you would play shitty music just to rile me up," You added, "What?? I played it because I liked those songs (y/n), don't judge me,"

You two would often drive to seattle in your old beaten up sedan to visit your family, though you'd always make sure to turn it into a full blown camping roadtrip each time - since Washington was on the complete opposite side of New Jersey.

"You think we can go again after we're back home?" It didn't even cross your mind that Lottie thought there was chance of rescue, you were taken aback for a moment. When Lottie was with you something would alter inside of her, as if everything negative she ever believed had dissipated, you gave her hope.

"We'll go wherever you want."

She smiled a moment before her eyes looked up to yours and then down to your lips - then back to your eyes again, she kissed you and you could've sworn you felt religion in her lips; how they caressed yours with trails of grace.

-

"Are you fucking kidding me lottie?? what's gotten into you?" A riled up voice spat under lottie who had just stood there. "Nat, calm down." Shauna intervened, you walked out of the cabin, rubbing your puffy eyes as they adjusted to the light, woken by the voices after the best sleep you'd had in a while. "What's going on?" You looked towards Nat and Lottie.

"Lottie's acting like she's in The Craft or something, sort her out before she casts a spell on one of us." Natalie faced you with annoyance, your bottom lip slightly hung out - still half asleep. Everyone knew something was up with Lottie after she bashed her head into the window, it wasn't that much of a secret after all. Most were worried and you could tell, and so Natalie's reaction had you confused, you looked around to see everyone waiting for your response.

"She's been through a lot, like the rest of us. just leave her alone, Nat." You sighed, everyone went back inside - Natalie flailing her arms as you gestured for Lottie to follow you somewhere deeper into the forest. "What happened? are you okay?" You stopped amongst the woods, "Yeah, fine." she looked distressed and distant, crossing her arms, "Just ignore her, she didn't mean it," Lottie cut you off as her rushing thoughts came out,

"But what if she's right? what if I really am going crazy?"

"You're not crazy Lottie, you're just as fucked as the rest of us, nothing more." Your reassurance seemed to get through to her, your words meant the world to her and you knew it.

"You don't think there's something wrong with me?" Her face was almost pale, skin rough and almost loving eyes.

"Oh my god, of course not," you faltered into a feathery smile, "You're perfect, Lottie." You watched as her face began to regain her warm colour, softening at your words. Sometimes it felt like the world stopped around you when you were near her, you would've done anything - just to see her okay again, and she would've done anything to see you carefree and happy, just like you used to be.

She looked to the ground, laughing in relief while small tears left her eyes. "And I'm the sappy one?"

"Yeah okay, I'm not the one who wrote a love letter as an apology," She slapped your shoulder and you kept giggling like a maniac, before you were stopped dead in your tracks by Misty carrying an empty water bucket, "Are you two planning on helping?" One hand on her hip and the other holding out the bucket, "It's unfair to think you're exempt from helping when we should all be-"

"Jeez okay we'll fill it up." Lottie suppressed her laughter the best she could, running to take the bucket from an impatient Misty.

After getting back to the cabin, you settled on the living room floor with a blanket and a book. You never read books much before, however somehow it had become a routine by now.

"What're you reading?" Lottie asked, sliding down next to you.

"To the Lighthouse, Virgina Woolf. I found it in one of the drawers in the attic."

"Any good?" You never took Lottie as a reader, her interests only really came to surface when you would talk about yours, "I'll finish it and let you know." You looked at her with a smile, closing the book and resting it to the side for the time being.

-

Your mouth was filled with sickening sweetness as you chewed on the last of your food, which just happened to be the gummies your mom packed you 'for the road'.

There was no food left, and your hunger began to yearn for something else - someone else.

And her winter was cursed with your bewitchment,

the loving haze which she had caused upon you herself.

[dummiprxncess]

Living with BPD Living with BPD feels like being stuck in a never-ending emotional storm that I can’t control. One minute, everything seems okay, and the next, it’s like my whole world is crashing down around me, and I have no idea why. It’s like there’s no middle ground—I’m either feeling everything so intensely that I can’t handle it, or I’m completely numb, just trying to get through the day. Relationships are so freaking hard. I want to be close to people, to have friends and feel like I belong, but it’s like my brain won’t let me. I’m always scared that they’ll leave me, that I’ll say something wrong or do something stupid, and they’ll decide I’m not worth it. So, sometimes I push them away first, just to protect myself from getting hurt, even though that’s the opposite of what I actually want. It’s like I’m sabotaging my own happiness, and I hate myself for it, but I don’t know how to stop. And the self-hate? It’s brutal. I can’t even look in the mirror without picking myself apart, mentally listing all the reasons why I’m not good enough. It’s like this voice in my head that never shuts up, constantly reminding me that I’m broken, that I’m not worth anyone’s time. No matter how hard I try to be positive or listen when people tell me they care, it’s like I can’t believe them. I just keep thinking, “If they really knew me, they’d leave too.” I overthink everything. Like, literally everything. I replay conversations in my head, wondering if I said the wrong thing, if I came off too clingy or too distant. It’s exhausting, always second-guessing myself and feeling like I’m messing everything up. And when something does go wrong, I blame myself completely, even if it wasn’t entirely my fault. I just feel like I’m always screwing things up, and I can’t seem to do anything right. The guilt is suffocating. I feel guilty for being like this, for not being able to just “get over it” or be normal. I hate that I’m so emotional, so needy, so afraid of being abandoned. I hate that I can’t just chill and let things be. Instead, I’m always worried, always on edge, always feeling like I’m a burden to everyone around me. And that makes it even harder to reach out when I need help because I don’t want to be “that person” who’s always dragging others down. Living with BPD feels like being on a roller coaster I never asked to ride. The highs can be great, but they never last, and the lows are so low that I can’t see a way out. It’s not just being sad—it’s like this deep, overwhelming despair that makes everything seem pointless. Even when things are going okay, there’s this constant anxiety in the back of my mind, like I’m just waiting for it all to fall apart. It’s hard to feel safe when my own brain is my biggest enemy, always telling me that disaster is just around the corner. I just want some peace, some stability, but it feels like that’s impossible. I’ve tried so many things—therapy, meds, self-care stuff—but nothing seems to really work for long. I keep hoping that maybe the next thing will help, that maybe I’ll finally find a way to manage all this chaos in my head. But honestly? It’s hard to hold onto that hope when everyday feels like a struggle just to get by. It’s hard to believe that things will ever really get better when it feels like I’ve been stuck in this cycle forever. I wish I could turn off my brain, even just for a little while. I wish I could stop feeling so much all the time, stop being so scared and anxious and guilty. I wish I could trust myself, trust others, and believe that everything’s going to be okay. But I don’t. All I can do is keep going, keep trying, even when it feels like I’m barely holding on. I want to believe that there’s a way out of this, that there’s a future where I’m not always fighting against myself. But right now, it’s hard to see that future. Right now, it just feels like I’m stuck in this storm, trying to survive.

[maxybabyy]

Daniel is three weeks into the programme when Scotty asks to join him.

“What do you say then? Should we go for a run like we used to?” He says and nudges Daniel’s shoe with a naked toe. “Get some of those muscles back on you, eh?”

Daniel laughs, hooks his foot around his ankle. He pulls him into his lap, rests his weight on his good leg. “Don’t think I can keep up with you anymore, Scotty. You, me, and my bum knee. Don’t think we’re getting very far, yeah?”

Scotty smiles, rubs a thumb over the LED bracelet he slapped on in case the sun sets before he comes home. It’s better than the yellow vest his mother had told him to wear, but it still makes him feel ridiculous. Scotty, he knows, prefers to run on trails, in the deep woods with nothing but trees and birds to keep you company.

But Daniel cannot do that now.

The forest floor is too uneven for him, filled with broken-off branches and stones the size of his fist. He can barely run a mile on a flat surface, doesn’t want to challenge himself with a broken ankle as well. So he runs by the roads now, always in the vicinity of help if he were to fall.

“Hey, Lance and the fam are coming into town in two weeks or so,” Scotty says and pulls out his phone. He flips the screen around to show him a scenic view of one of the trails they used to take before the crash. A viewpoint over the water, secluded enough that Daniel had gone to his knees without problems, sucked him off until they were both fucked out and satisfied on their way down.

“I don’t know your schedule, never know where you are these days, Ric,” he says, laughs. It feels weird in his chest, bitter to taste, but Daniel laughs with him, doesn’t say the answer nowadays is mostly PT. “But it would be cool if you could come, yeah? Been a while since we’ve done something like this.”

Daniel smiles, tightens the hand resting on Scotty’s hip.

Scotty wasn’t around when Daniel crashed, deep in his training programme for the next circuit of games. Blake had offered to call him, to arrange his flights so he could come and see him before his surgery. But Daniel hadn’t wanted Scotty to see him like that, injured and pathetic, overcome with pain at any movement of his leg.

He had been on crutches by the time Scotty came home, moving by himself and mostly off the hard meds. “Come to play nurse, haven’t I?” Scotty said and clumsily carried him to bed. But even then was a shit time for Daniel, no position suitable for both sex and his knee.

Times like these are when he regrets not involving Scotty more in his recovery. The evasive memory of his crash and subsequent injury, the current limitations he was working with.

“Don’t really think I can, babe,” Daniel says and tips him to the side, Scotty landing on the couch with a bump. He leans down to tighten his shoes, stands up for a quick stretch. “Unless you wanna carry me down?”

Scotty hums, stares at his knee, at the scar making its way down his leg. He looks, puzzled, and Daniel doesn’t know how to feel.

“Yeah, no dice, mate,” he says faintly.

Daniel shrugs, tries to breathe out the bitter frustration. He leans down for a kiss, just a brush of their lips before he’s upright again. “Right, I’ll be off. Dinner later? I will order something.”

He’s barely out of the door before his phone is in his hand, music in his ears as he presses start on the next run in his programme.

“Another day, another lovely run with you. I am coach Max, the Red Bull Running global head coach, and I will be with you every step of this two-mile run,” Max says in his ears, the familiar accent easing him into a different mindset as he lets the built-up frustration bleed away.

“You did not want to be here maybe. Perhaps the weather is bad where you run, and you feel tired today also. But you pressed start, so for the next 1.6 kilometres, I will of course help you to become the best runner you can today, and I think that is the most important thing right now.”

Daniel breathes out, shifts the pressure onto his bad knee, and when it feels good, he picks up the pace, loses himself in Max’s voice, “I’m here, Maxy. Tell me what to do.”

[barbieaiden]

1. Kell: Dude. You're no fun to play with, you're too good.

Aiden: Kell, I love you, but I think you just suck at the game.

Kell: Dude! I always won against my siblings!

Aiden: Aww. I always let my brother win too when we were little.

Kell: You're cheating.

Aiden: I would never. I take these things very seriously.

2. Kell: By the way, you know that guy I went on a date with before your coma?

Aiden: Yeah?

Kell: Yeah, we were supposed to go on another date literally the day you got into the coma, so obviously I was like "dude, I can't make it, my friend is having a literal medical emergency", and he was like "okay, I'll just break this off here then, bye".

Aiden: Oh nooo. Did I cockblock you with my coma?

Kell: You literally did!

3. Aiden: I'll make it up to you. I'll wingman you so hard. I'll introduce you to literally everyone I know.

Kell: Isn't that, like, the entirety of River Bay?

Aiden: Almost, yeah. So you're bound to find someone.

Kell: Dude, you did not win again.

Aiden: You practically let me.

Kell: Dude!

Peyton: Is now a bad time to say hi?

4. Aiden: Peyton! NO, of course not. I didn't even know you were here, it's been so long!

5. Peyton: Yeah, I seem to recall being ignored for a month?

Aiden: Sorry about that. I was sleeping.

Peyton: For a month?

Aiden: Doctor's orders.

Peyton: Ah, of course. Totally reasonable.

6. Aiden: But don't worry. I'm back in my element.

Peyton: Do I want to know what that means?

Aiden: It means I'm ready to annoy the fuck out of you and text you every millisecond 24/7.

Peyton: Okay, I can get behind that.

7. Peyton: how are you doing?

Aiden: Great.

Peyton: "Great"? Really?

Aiden: So great. How are you? Are you still working at the mall?

Peyton: I quit impulsively a few weeks ago. I should probably get a new job if I want to be able to pay rent, but, eh. Video games are more fun.

Kell: If you're evicted you can move into Sam and Aiden's closet, I hear it's pretty empty nowadays.

Aiden: Totally.

8. Kell: Peyton, you're good at connect 4, right?

Peyton: I'd say so.

Kell: Help me win. Please.

Aiden: Who's cheating now?

Kell: There's no rule that says you can't have someone help you.

Peyton: Don't put it there. One step right.

Kell: Here?

Peyton: Yeah.

9. Aiden: Peyton, I love you so much.

Kell: Dude. Did you just make me lose?

Peyton: [Shrug]

Kell: Fuck you. Both of you.

[New scene]

10.

Sam: You met Aiden right after the car crash.

Jordan: Yes.

Sam: How bad was it? He never told me.

Jordan: Considering the crash, his injuries were very mild.

Sam: But he could've died.

Jordan: He didn't. And I don't think you need to worry about something that happened six years ago.

Sam: No, I just...

Jordan: Just what?

Sam: I don't know.

11. Sam: I hated Aiden when we first met.

Jordan: According to Kell's accounts you were simultaneously in love with him?

Sam: Attracted to. There's a difference.

Jordan: Not to me.

Sam: And how many successful relationships have you had?

Jordan: Well... I've certainly had relationships, I can tell you that much.

12. Sam: Don't you get tired of talking to new people all the time? How do you even find so many people you're interested in? I did it once and now I'm marrying him so I never have to do it again.

Jordan: It's easy if you're drunk and have very, very low standards. It also helps if you're fresh off a 13 hour shift at a hospital.

Sam: That sounds awful.

Jordan: I don't necessarily recommend it.

13. Sam: But you keep doing it.

Jordan: I suppose I have nothing better to do after those 13 hour shifts.

Sam: I'm so glad I dropped out of med school.

Jordan: You should be.

14. Sam: I'm just going to get some water.

Jordan: Okay.

15. Lucas: No, I had to do it because Michael thought it was "rude".

Michael: It was.

Lucas: If I pay for something, I want what I paid for. That's not rude. If I fuck someone's tattoo up I'd fix it.

Michael: You can't compare a meal to something that's permanently on someone's body.

Lucas: You agree with me.

Peyton: Oh, yeah.

Lucas: Exactly!

16. Peyton: Hey, Sam. How are you doing? Sleeping better?

Sam: A little.

Peyton: So... while you're here... Aiden.

Sam: Yes?

17. Peyton: He's acting... suspiciously normal, isn't he?

Lucas: Right? I literally told Michael the same thing ten minutes ago. This is the way Aiden always acts after medical emergencies, he just pretends everything's fine.

18. Sam: It's been a month. Things have gone back to normal, he's not pretending.

Lucas: No, sorry, no offense, Sam, but I don't think you get it. You weren't there all the other times he had to go to the hospital because of drugs--and that shouldn't be plural, by the way--this happens every time.

19. Lucas: He says he's fine and that he's clean now and then he just waits until people stop asking him about it and we're back at square one.

Sam: This was different though.

Lucas: Just because it was worse and because he maybe went through a tiny little bit of withdrawal while unconscious doesn't mean he's magically better.

Michael: Lucas, please.

20. Michael: You yourself said that there's nothing we can do.

Lucas: Well, we can't exactly force him to do anything but there's a difference between overcaring and pushing him away, and being so passive it turns into enabling.

Michael: I agree, but I don't think that has anything to do with Sam.

Lucas: I didn't say it does.

21. Lucas: I just don't want him dead, that's all.

Peyton: I seriously doubt any of us want him dead.

Lucas: Exactly. So we can't just trust that he's better because he says he is.

Sam: That's not what--[Sigh] I don't think it's fair to talk about this behind his back.

22. Lucas: I'd love to discuss this with him directly but he makes it pretty difficult. There's a reason he didn't want to talk to us for a fucking month.

Sam: Maybe it wasn't deliberate. Maybe he was just recovering from a coma.

Lucas: But he was talking to literally everyone else during that time, wasn't he? It's not a coincidence he ignored me, Michael, and Peyton specifically.

23. Sam: I... I don't know his motivation. And either way I don't want to be involved in this.

Peyton: That's fair. I didn't really mean for this to be a whole discussion.

Lucas: Sorry. Look, my point is just... if he's clean, that's fucking great. But I kind of doubt it. Just... keep an eye on him.

Sam: I always am.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay Jay & Kim (Bonus) Med 4x5

You can read the rest of the series here

Well, my Monday was a shitshow. If any of your day was as shitty as mine, I hope this shiny new chapter makes you feel better! I might have to back off on my posting to once a week- so don’t be alarmed. I’ve just been busy and I’m trying to curb my burnout. <3

Jay's mood is stormy when he gets back to his apartment. He had left straight from work when he found out the FBI had decided to have Will bug the Burks house. Jay had gone to keep his older brother in line and out of trouble.

Kim had offered to go with him but he dismissed her, telling her he would meet her back at his apartment and they would catch up on Blind Love with a cheeky smile. She corrected him as she always did- “Love is blind”. She swore he messed up the name on purpose to make a point. Kim also knew he didn’t hate the show half as much as he pretended. His commentary showed how invested he was easily spilling off names and hounding men for being assholes to the women.

Kim heard the door close from where she was in the bathroom. She starts down the hallway, “Did you two work out your issues?”

“What issues?” Jay was bent over unlacing his boots. He looks up to level her with an even look. Kim could see the stress in his features. Jay looked like he had just spent hours in the interrogation room with a perp that had been worked hard but was giving nothing but sass and unhelpful commentary.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Jay rolled his eyes at her but a self-deprecating smile was tugging at his lips. He grabbed her face pulling her in for a kiss. “I’m just glad to be home. How about some popcorn to go with our trash TV?”

“With Bacon?” Kim’s brown eyes lit up with the thought of one of Jay’s specialty popcorns. He traces her jaw with his thumb. Jay was happy that after a night of sleep, Kim’s anger about him punching Ruzek had dissipated. She had been a little distant the last three days but as he promised things at work had cooled. Ruzek and him had slipped back into a comfortable truce.

“I think I could be persuaded.” Jay stole another couple of gentle pecks. Kim's phone starts ringing. “I’ll start on it.” He gave her one more kiss before she answered her phone. Jay had only just gotten to the kitchen and put the pan on the stove when he heard Kim’s frantic voice calling his name. He skittered around the corner to see Kim, her face pale. “Kim, what’s wrong?”

“I have to go to the hospital.”

Jay drives back to Med for the second time that day. Zoey had called Kim in tears telling her that Nicole had fallen down the stairs and they were in the ambulance en route to the hospital. He drops Kim off at the door and then goes around to park his truck. When he strides in a flash of painful memories of his father's death crashes over him like a wave before he can push it back.

He sees the mop of red curls before he registers his older brother heading his way. He wasn’t in the mood or the time to have another argument. “Not now Will.” Will holds his hands up showing he came in peace.

“I just talked to Ethan about Nicole. It looks like she has a broken arm. We think from trying to catch herself when she started to fall. Kim is in with her.” Jay gave him a nod before starting to head towards the room. “Jay,” He paused turning back to his brother, “She was completely trashed. Well over a safe alcohol limit and then some. And I’ll say it seems like she has been drinking heavily for some time.”

Jay sighs heavily scrubbing his hand down his face. Kim had been trying unsuccessfully to reach out to her older sister for weeks. He knew how much she had been trying to help and how awful every time an attempt failed. “Okay, thanks, Will.” Jay took a breath trying to figure out how to approach what to do next.

“One more thing.” Will gestured to the doctor's lounge. “I took Zoey into the lounge to give her some time to process everything. She was a mess when she got here. I didn’t want her to have to deal with the hustle of the ED or the waiting room.”

“Thanks, man,” Will nodded putting his hand on his brother’s shoulder squeezing it comfortingly. When the young girl had come in with her mother it had taken him a minute to realize who they were. It was only when Maggie had offered to call someone for her and Zoey said she had already called her aunt Kim that it had clicked into place.

“She’s family,” Will stated simply. Jay stalled in indecision for only a moment before heading to the lounge to check on Zoey. She had looked up at him with bloodshot eyes before shooting to her feet and scrambling into his arms. Her hot tears soaked through his shirt as her arms locked around his waist.

“I got you, kid.”

Jay talked to Kim and offered to take Zoey to get some food while she waited for her sister to get her cast on. She had thanked him and he had led a hesitant Zoey out. Will had caught them as they were leaving and tempted Zoey with the diner they had gone to as kids cleverly called The Diner. He boasted of the best milkshakes and loaded cheese fries. Zoey had given him a strained smile as she agreed.

Even with the strain between the Halstead brothers they always came through for each other when it mattered. It was why Jay had been vigilant about all of Will’s CI responsibilities. He wanted to make sure Will was as safe as possible and kept himself from unintentional get in trouble or in too deep with the FBI. It was why Will had come over like clockwork for months after Erin had blown out of town. Quietly and unobtrusively checking on his younger brother as he struggled with his heartbreak.

They all ordered milkshakes and an appetizer of loaded fries. The boys ordered burgers and Zoey ordered tenders. The food was amazing as promised but Zoey picked at her food. Her stomach was rolling with anxiety. The two didn’t force her to talk or pepper with her questions. They let her sit in silence and drink sluggishly on her chocolate shake. Years later when she had to write an essay about found family for a college assignment she would use this night as an example of why family wasn't blood deep.

The time passed in a blur to her. She barely remembered Jay ushering her back into his truck. When he parked, she felt a dull pang of surprise to find herself outside of an apartment complex instead of back at the hospital. When he unlocks the door and she walks in she takes in the neutral color palate and organized but minimalistic style. It had the makings of a bachelor's pad but as she sinks into the plush couch, she decides it doesn’t matter.

Jay returns a few minutes later with a bottle of water for each of them. “Kim is still with your mom. They are figuring some stuff out. So, you are going to stay here for the night and we will figure the rest out in the morning. Does that sound okay kiddo?” She gives a small nod. He offers the remote to her. “How about you pick something to watch while I find something for you to sleep in? I think Kim has some pajama pants here.” Her hand closes around the hard plastic as he rises off the couch.

He was starting down the hallway when she started shakily, “It’s been going on for months now.” He pauses coming to sit back down on the couch with her. “The drinking. It was strange. At first, I thought she was doing better- getting over everything. I- I didn’t even know she had been drinking at first. It all spiraled so quickly. I’m- I’m so sorry. I should have told Aunt Kim. This is my fault.” Her dark eyes dropped to her lap rotating the remote in her hands anxiously.

“Hey, this is not your fault kiddo.” Zoey pressed her lips together tears still in her eyes. “It’s not your job to take care of your mom, okay Zoey?” Her dark eyes held her disbelief, her guilt plainly for anyone to see. Her bottom lip trembled as shaky breaths came out of her lips.

“Everything is going to be okay right?” Her voice cracked as she spoke. Her words were quiet and disheartened. Jay pulled her back into another hug, trying to give her some stability as her world continued to spin.

“Yeah, I know it’s hard but try not to worry.”

Kim walked into the dark apartment. It is late, and she is exhausted. She notices Zoey passed out on the couch. Kim’s favorite blanket draped across her and the TV still playing The Nightmare Before Christmas. Kim wants to smile at the knowledge that no matter her age it was still her comfort movie. Smiling right now seems impossible so she settles for watching the "What this?" song play on the screen. Her brain blissfully flatlining.

She heard the soft padding of feet as Jay entered the living room. He opens his arms wordlessly and she walks into them leaning into him in exhaustion. The two of them couldn’t seem to catch a break this year. The saying “when it rains it pours” hitting just a little too close to home. “She agreed to go to rehab. We checked her in tonight.”

[firetrucks-fastcars]

Comfort Measures

2.2K words | Lando Norris/Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc/Daniel Ricciardo | Part of the Quartet Verse

Lando wasn’t shocked to find Max waiting for him in his driver’s room when he returned from debrief. He’d long since stopped questioning how he somehow had access to the entire paddock, and in times like these, it served him well. He was really dreading making the walk all the way to Red Bull’s garage. His back hurt and breathing too deeply made his ribs ache. He really just wanted to lay down. 

Jon walked him back to his room, a supportive hand on his waist. His trainer had scarcely left his side since he’d stepped out of the medical car at the track’s medical center. Lando appreciated it, even though who he really wanted was Max or Daniel. Having Jon there was much better than being alone and in pain. He unlocked the door to his room and immediately spotted Max. The older man had changed out of his race suit and was wearing a pair of track pants and his Red Bull jacket, scrolling on his phone. As soon as the door opened and he spotted Lando standing there, he was on his feet. He didn’t say a word, just opened his arms and Lando fell into them, clutching the fabric of his jacket trying to keep him as close as he could get him. 

“It’s alright schatje,” Max soothed. “I've got you.”

Lando just pushed himself closer, burying his face in Max’s neck.

“What did they say at the hospital?” he asked, gently scratching at the messy curls at the back of Lando’s head.

“Bruised ribs and a strain in his shoulder,” Jon answered. “He’s good to drive next weekend but he’ll be sore for a few days. He’s got pain meds in his backpack. They said an epsom salt bath would help the pain and to alternate heat and ice.”

“We’ll take care of him,” Max assured. 

“I know you will. Lando, are you alright to go with Max buddy?”

“Yeah I’m good,” he finally pulled himself away from Max’s embrace and faced his trainer. “Thank you for staying with me.”

“Of course. Check in with me tomorrow, go back and get some sleep.”

“I will.”

When Jon left them, Max pulled Lando for another hug, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m really sore but nothing hurts too bad. Where’s Charles and Danny?”

“They’re both waiting for us in my driver’s room so we can go back to the hotel together. I wanted to come wait for you here so you didn’t have to walk alone.”

“I don’t want to ruin your celebrations. You and Charles did well, you shouldn’t have to take care of me.”

“Lando,” Max grabbed his chin, tilting his head up so that they were making eye contact. “There is nothing we would rather do than care for you schatje. We were all worried when we heard about your crash on the radio. We just want to make sure you’re alright. Will you let us do that?”

“Yeah.”

“Good boy,” Max praised. “Let’s go back to the hotel then. I’ll have someone pick up some epsom salt and we’ll get you in a bath. Do you want a smoothie? We can order one of those too.”

“A smoothie would be nice.”

Max smiled and kissed the top of his head, wrapping a steady arm around his shoulders, “I'll make it happen.”

Max paused for a moment then tugged lightly at the coat Lando was wearing, “This is a bit big for you isn’t it?”

He knew Lando liked his outwear to be slightly oversized, said it was more comfy that way, but that was excessive even for him. 

“Oh,” Lando looked down as if only just remembering what he had on. “Jon lent it to me. I was cold when they got me out of the car.”

“Here.” Max gently unzipped the jacket and helped him shrug it off before replacing it with his own. It was warm from his body heat and Lando snuggled into it, breathing in the scent of sweat and cologne stuck to the collar. “Much better,” Max said, kissing his forehead. 

“Thank you Max.”

“Of course schatje. Are you ready to go?”

Lando nodded and Max wrapped a gentle arm around his shoulders, tucking him into his side and away from the prying eyes of anyone still lurking around the paddock as they started their journey to Red Bull’s hospitality. 

Daniel and Charles fussed over him as soon as they laid their eyes on him.

“You scared us,” Daniel murmured into his head after he’d finished checking every bit of visible skin for bruises and marks.

“I’m sorry. I just lost control, there wasn’t anything I could do.”

“We know, baby. No one is upset, we were just worried.”

“Are you in pain mon amour?” Charles asked when it was his turn to inspect the youngest of them for injuries. 

“A little but not too bad.”

“Jon gave me his pain medication,” Max said, holding up Lando’s backpack that he’d insisted on carrying. “You should be due for another dose then. I also had someone deliver some epsom salts to the room so he can take a bath and relax.”

“Look at you taking care of our boy. You’re so good Max,” Daniel said, rewarding him with a soft kiss.

Lando tucked himself into Charles’s side as they looked on. Sometimes it was easy to forget that this whole thing had started with just Max and Daniel, and that Max had at one time been submissive to Daniel. He still was, but with the way he took such good care of Lando and Charles, it was easy to forget that he hadn’t always been the one in charge. But it was nice to watch Max be soft occasionally, to fall back into the submissive role he loved with Daniel. He reveled in the praise for a minute, letting Daniel love on him as Charles kept Lando safe for a few moments. He left Daniel with another kiss as his phone chimed with a notification and he pulled it from his back pocket to check it. 

“The car is here. Ready to go?”

The other three nodded their agreement and followed Max to where the sleek, black SUV was waiting for them. Daniel and Charles sat in the back with Lando tucked in the middle of them while Max occupied the passenger seat, chatting lightly to the driver as they navigated the busy streets of Las Vegas. 

Lando scrolled on his phone for a bit, checking his instagram notifications and missed Whatsapp messages. The majority of his instagram was overwhelmingly positive, with well wishes and get well soon messages from fans on Mclaren’s accounts. He knew he’d have to send his social media managers a press statement eventually, but he didn’t have the brain power to come up with something heartfelt or clever yet. He navigated back to Whatsapp and scrolled to his chat with Oscar.

OP81: glad to hear you’re okay mate! If you need anything let me know

OP81: also Logan says he’s glad you’re okay too

LN4: thanks Osc. tell Loges i said thanks too

OP81: of course. feeling okay?

LN4: a little sore and shaken up but nothing too serious. i’m okay to race next weekend, i just have to take it easy for a few days

OP81: good to hear. one last chance for our landoscar 1-2

LN4: don’t let your boyfriend hear you using our ship name. he might get jealous

OP81: considering he’s asleep and drooling on my leg right now, i’m not sure i should be worried

LN4: poor logie is sleepy

OP81: so am i. i’m gonna crash now but seriously, if you need anything let us know. see you in abu dhabi

LN4: i think max, charles, and danny have it covered but thanks mate. see you soon

Lando locked his phone and put it down in his lap, opting to rest his head on Charles’s shoulder.

“Everything alright baby?” he asked, bringing his hand up to stroke Lando’s cheek. Lando leaned into the touch, enjoying the contrast of the warmth of his palm and the cool metal of his rings.

“Yeah. Just Oscar and Logan checking up on me.”

“That’s nice of them. They’re good friends.”

“Yeah they are.” Lando turned his head, stifling a yawn into the fabric of the Ferrari hoodie Charles was wearing.

“Close your eyes for a bit mon amour. I’ll wake you when we make it to the hotel.”

Lando ended up getting in a twenty minute power-nap before Charles's gentle hands were shaking his shoulders and Daniel was leading him out of the car and into the elevator. The two kept him propped between them as Max unlocked the door to the hotel room and led him in, depositing his half-asleep frame on the bed.

Max sat next to him and ran gentle hands through his hair, “Do you feel up for a bath still? Or do you just want to sleep?”

“Will you stay with me so I don’t drown?”

Max chuckled, “Of course darling.”

Charles got the bath ready for them while Max got Lando undressed, checking him over for injuries. His collarbones were bruised from his seatbelt and he could see a particularly nasty one forming on his hip but he was otherwise mostly unscathed, a surprising feat considering the force of the crash. 

Lando sighed as he sunk into the steaming water, the tension releasing from his muscles.

“Does it feel good?”

“So good. Thank you Maxy.”

“Of course darling.”

Lando reached out and grabbed Max’s hand, pulling it to his chest.

“I mean it. Thank you for always taking such good care of me. I really appreciate it and I don’t know if I say it enough. I love you Max.”

Max gave him a soft smile, the one he reserved just for his boyfriends and tugged Lando’s hand back to kiss each one of his knuckles. 

“I love you too Lando. And you don’t have to say it darling, I know. And so does Daniel. We love caring for you and Charles. Forget the race wins and the records, the three of you are the best thing in my life.”

Lando didn’t even notice the tears slipping down his cheeks until Max gently wiped one away, “Why are you crying? Are you in pain?”

“No,” Lando whimpered, trying to wipe the tears away with wet hands and only succeeding to make more of a mess of his face. “I think the medicine is making me a bit emotional.”

“It’s alright darling. You can cry if you need to.”

Max let him cry it out in the bathtub, releasing the stress and tension of the day, just rubbing his back and talking quietly to him as he sobbed into his knees. When his cries slowed into soft whines and whimpers, Max helped him from the tub, wrapping him in a soft towel and sending him into the bedroom with Charles and Daniel while he cleaned up.

The other two spoke softly to him as they dressed him in his softest sweats and one of Daniel’s oversized hoodies. They tucked him into the bed, propping him up on the multitude of plush pillows and Daniel pushed a smoothie into his hands. 

“Strawberry, mango, and pineapple. Jon said it’s your favorite.”

“Thank you Danny.”

“Anything for you sweet boy.”

Daniel and Charles settled on either side of him as he sipped on his drink and Daniel propped his laptop on his knees so Lando could watch YouTube. Normally, they complained about Lando’s taste in random entertainment, but tonight they kept their comments to themselves as Lando watched his videos. 

Eventually, Max came out of the bathroom and joined them in the bed, curling around Charles and hooking his chin over his shoulder to get a view of the screen. He passed Daniel a comb and Lando’s curl cream and the older man gently brushed out his hair and worked in the product, taking care of his hair so he wouldn’t wake up with it in a state the next morning. 

Lando felt his heart swell with love and he pressed his cheek into Daniel’s chest, probably undoing all of the hard work he’d just done on his hair. 

“Thank you for taking care of me tonight.”

“Of course baby,” Daniel pressed a kiss to his hair. “That’s what we do, take care of each other.”

Lando nodded, but didn’t respond, feeling his eyelids grow heavy as he settled into Daniel’s warmth. Daniel gently removed the cup from his hands and placed the laptop on the bedside table. He carefully slid them down in the bed until his head was resting on the pillows and Lando’s head was settled onto his chest. 

Lando felt a solid warmth behind him, and Charles’s delicate hand slid under his hoodie to rub gentle, comforting circles on his belly. Max’s arm reached around them both to settle on Lando’s hip. 

“We’re all here schatje. Get some sleep.”

“I love you. All three of you,” he whispered.

“We love you more notre bebe.”

“So much,” Daniel agreed, pressing gentle kisses on his forehead. 

Lando settled into the warmth around him, thankful for the three men sharing his bed. He’d never felt more loved and cared for in his life, and he never wanted anything else.

[firespirited]

So, uh, I had a nervous breakdown - emotional meltdown - mental overload and guilt spiral of sorts that culminated in 5 fully blank* days and nights (*I keep a "times, meds, symptoms and activities" notepad). It's over now as far as I can tell as the cause has stopped, I didn't harm myself beyond some self neglect or cause pain to anyone else. I'm ok, picking up the pieces and determined to get treatment.

Not even sure if those are the correct terms and feel kinda uncomfortable using them like I just "spontaneously broke" as opposed to getting broken down by others but no one here is ready to talk about that so Emotional Breakdown™️ will have to do. Now that I've done a bunch of research and self-examination it was more of a PTSD reaction, a prolonged emotional flashback that I didn't know how to stop and with no outside relief or help.

Long post under cut

I was unfortunately mentally lucid and reacting to very real things but in an emotionally disproportionate way... which was actually not very impressive at all since everything but the sobbing and some talking to myself was happening on the inside, in the foetal position in my pitch black room because who knew? Stress in the neck or face sets off the mega migraines 🙃.

Very uncinematic. Barely an inconvenience to my flatmates. I force-fed myself bread, water and whatever meds might cause withdrawal if discontinued, fed Lily her pain meds at around the same time every night. I'm going to get a good grade in not being a danger to anyone or myself 👍👍👍

I began sedating myself as soon as the urges for inside pain to be visible on the outside got strong enough to actually visualize concrete ideas. Nothing with withdrawal potential: a few months worth of anti allergy meds, M eventually called the doctor once I ran out and had to tap in to my sleep meds, 5 days in to the full-blown meltdown.

Why sedation? I happen (lol no, it's actually pretty related to the ptsd) to be an expert on all things suicide and didn't want those thoughts to even get close to started.

My doctor is stellar, she believed me, didn't act like my grief was unwarranted, prescribed more anti-histamines and kindly but firmly told me to stop blaming myself for other people's choices, we just can't control how other people choose to act. The self loathing had started from a seemingly obvious pattern and spiralled way out of any kind of logic. That grounded me a little on Wednesday.

We talked over my options : the local psych ward is the opposite of restful or safe for migraines; the care homes have waiting lists, especially in summer when people drop off the elders to go on holiday but she's going to try and find me a slot if the current home stability breaks again. Not having any extended family or local friends meant no escape and that didn't help mentally either.

I feel like I've had a really bad flu, I feel very fragile. I feel like things have been very unfair but also not safe enough to indulge any anger about it, not here and now so a sort of numbness has settled in... emotional that is, the migraines are stomping my head and also irritating the bowels because why not add insult to injury? 😂

Mum's violent mood swings were over on Thursday morning and on Friday I decided I had to face life, get back in the saddle before fear could kick in and helped sis go to an appointment that she was very nervous about. Just about managed then crashed the rest of the day.

It felt good to be useful 😊💖and I needed the perspective of there being a whole wide world out there, not just the lovely tumblr folks in my phone 🌸💕🌸 who are close but also unreachable.

Moral of the story, if there is a moral to any of this, … ? Repressing your fears and emotional pain for 30 years will turn you into a sobbing blob with little to no control so don't assume you're handling things because, yes technically you are, until your last tether breaks and then you're just a trauma response at full volume.

Oh and flashbacks don't automatically happen visually or in nightmares like in the movies. I already knew that for me, specific memory flashbacks seem to cause a hollow and weak nauseating feeling like when adrenaline is wearing off but now I know emotional flashbacks are more of a paralysing overwhelming series of waves of many strong feelings. One of the more identifiable red flags among the general mess of emotion for future episodes would probably be irrational and very potent guilt/shame.

So uh yeah, sorry I haven't checked in for over a week or done much of anything, I'll try and catch up as soon as I can 🥰

So now it's beyond confirmed : I have PTSD from stuff that ended over a decade ago, stuff from far older too, you think time heals all but it doesn't heal untreated wounds and I'm going to seek treatment no matter what.

It's mortifying to talk about but if I tell you lovely people, well, I can't run from it any more.

I'm also going to need to set boundaries with some very fragile people but not without the help of an expert, I've been caring for sis and her borderline tendencies for over a year this time around and not been allowed to set limits. Mum's crossed a line she can't even see yet. It could be months before that's a subject we can safely approach.

I have a post in my drafts from last November about finding great happiness in a bare room of a few boxes, a mattress and the internet and how I'd be quite content to live that way again: peace really is worth it. It's like a letter to myself that this was coming and reassurance that I've been happy before despite frightening change and financial poverty.

I have duties to my family and they too have been good to me - there's the expectation that therapy will "toughen me up" to better manage but I can tell from just that disastrous first session with mum present, that boundaries will be part of the deal. That's the most frightening and delicate part. I have been eldest daughter, big sis, selfless friend and good kid™️/parenting kid from my very first memories, any change will be perceived as not being me any more (maybe even to myself), it'll also go against deeply ingrained societal and personal habits.

__________

In other news Lily turned 16, she is happy and healthy. She's been with me for 9 years.

I was hoping to train a new therapy dog as she's been retired for a couple of years and even lined up a sweetheart of a rescue called Vanina. That can't happen yet. Or maybe that's something I need. Idk.

I don't expect any major pivot in the doll hobby, watch habits or Patreon/support to friends at this point but it's all in the air.

Looking forward to getting back to normal and also cherishing (in an odd sort of way, maybe that's not the right word) this moment as a "survived it!!" thing but also "WOW you needed help and it's overdue".

Take care of yourselves lovely people. See you soon.

[thealienfantasy]

Alien Fantasy-File 4: Lost in the clouds.

1 Day since impact (8:00 P.M. Terran time):

The Azonians unfortunately got to my ship and we had to make an emergency exit. We were able to make it to the escape pods in time and i've crash landed on a foggy region. i think i must've landed on one of the mountains, cause all i see is sky and clouds for miles. I'm currently setting up camp in a nearby cavern. I've been traversing these mountains for a few hours now and i haven't seen any lifeforms during that time. I think i've found a safe spot for now.

2 Days since impact (1:00 P.M. Terran Time):

I'm still hiking down these mountains. I don't know if my eyes are playing tricks on me. but i see a lot of islands in the sky. are they floating? There's no way. They're pretty distant. I'm pretty sure those clouds are just obscuring the rocks that hold them up.

I've set up an S.O.S. signal and right now i'm just waiting for someone to come pick me up. Hopefully they can still see through all these clouds.

3:00 A.M. Terran Time

I think i saw a something falling from the planet's atmosphere. must've been a ship. Looks like the fight against the Azonians is still going. i couldn't keep up with the ship. It disappeared into the clouds as quickly as it came. I would tail it, but i'm still trapped on this mountain and unfortunately, i see nothing below me. No paths, no water, No anything. just clouds.

Speaking off water. The supply i salvaged from the pod is starting to run low. i have to be a lot more sparing. hopefully i can find a source soon...

3 Days since impact (9:00 A.M. Terran Time):

I've been continuing my hike down this mountain. I'm not someone who suffers from altitude sickness, but man.  I'd be lying if i didn't say i get anxious every time a look down and see nothing but clouds. Some of the paths i've been taking have been pretty narrow. One miss step means game over. that is if there's ground below these clouds. It'd be a whole other matter if these clouds were just a bottomless pit. 

The good news is, the risk of crossing these paths was worth it. I seem to have come across some kind of garden. But i'm not seeing anything here. 

There's also some weird looking fruit hanging from the trees. I'm getting a little hungry and i have to be even more conservative with my food supply. Surely they won't notice if i take one.

9:20 A.M. Terran time

I heard something coming from behind the bushes. upon inspection, i found a weird looking ring laying on the floor. It kinda looked like a Halo of sorts.

Wait...did i die and go to heaven?

Nah..no fucking way!

Things started getting weird when the ring began glowing. a sparkle emanated from it and it created a line. like the sparkles were some kind of thread connected to the ring. I followed it and i came across this small creature. It seemed to have a set of 4 wings. But no talons. It's face looked weird too. at least i think that's it's face. There's an eye at the center looking straight at me. it's kinda creeping me out honestly.

The thread of sparkles seemed to be connected to this creature. Did the ring belong to it? I gently laid the ring next to the creature and one of the wings snatched it. The creature looked at me with it's sole eyes and began squirming. it was then that i noticed some weird green appendage sticking out from it's body. Some green liquid seemed to be pouring out of it.

Was it blood? God forbid if it's something else.

Still, the creature seemed in pain. At least that what i gathered from the way it struggled to move. I'll check by med-kit and see if there's anything i can do to help it.

4 Days since impact (9:00 A.M. Terran Time):

The creature is currently resting in my sleeping bag. I was able to bandage it's appendage. right now i'm just walking around the garden trying to figure out what my next move is.

I can still see explosions going off in the sky. I think the fight is still going. I can't really make out what kind of ship's are up there. Still no sign of anyone who owns this garden. I'm not really sure how much more fruit i could realistically take without the owner thinking they were robbed.

Hopefully i won't be around for when they find out.

The fruit has the same texture and crunch as an apple, but it looks like it was made out of iron and it's shaped so... weird.

Oh. looks like the creature is starting to wake up. 

I pulled a pocket knife from by bag and used it to cut the fruit. I don't know if the creature is capable of eating this, but i don't really have anything else to feed it. It seems to like it though. It jolted awake and flapped towards me upon seeing the piece. 

What's weird is. i don't see any orifices on it's body. Maybe underneath it's feathers? i don't know. but hey, it seems to have eaten it. I give it another piece and it happily took it once more.

I ran my hand through it's feathers. they feel pretty soft. It made a weird noise when i did it though. I quickly retracted my hand, but to my surprise it began flapping it's wings and hovering towards my hands. 

I guess it didn't mind me petting it? i ran my hand through its feathers once more and it made that weird noise again. but it's not really moving as if trying to break free. so i guess it doesn't mind.

Another thing i've noticed. The ring i found yesterday is now attached to that weird green appendage of its. (Tail maybe? i still can't tell.) I guess it must've been some kind of accessory to it.

Is it a wild animal? or is it an intelligent life form? my mind is leaning more towards wild animal. but i gotta remember i crash landed on a whole other planet here.

7 Days since impact (2:00 P.M. Terran Time):

I'm still at the garden. Still no sign of the owner. I've been debating the past few days on whether or not that thing might be the owner. 

For starters. Every time i wake up. i would have at least 3 of those weird fruit in front of my face. Considering the trees look more empty. yeah, it's definitely getting them from there.

For another, it's still here with me. it definitely could've left by now. but it's still here. Maybe it's just keeping me company. But between that and the fact and it doesn't seem to have any issue taking the fruits from the tree....

On another note. I still keep seeing explosions in the sky. Just yesterday i  saw few more ships falling from the sky. Those are definitely Azonian ships. But they keep disappearing into the clouds.

i wonder. IS there anything below these clouds?

9 Days since impact (5:00 A.M. Terran Time):

I heard a loud crashing noise just now. I think a ship might've crash landed here in the garden. I took one look at the creature before i decided to head out. Hopefully it won't mind if i leave for a bit.

5:03 A.M. Terran time

CRAP! Azonian ships! And there's at least 5 of them. I'm on my own here. I have a rifle, but it's back at the tent. I think one of them spotted me right as i was escaping. There's no way i can take them on right now.

At this moment i'm scrambling to pick up all the necessary things. i had to stop the creature from flying out of the tent. 

We quickly snuck out and we successfully by passed most of the Azonians. I decided to avoid killing them for now. The garden doesn't really have any reliable hiding spots and the sound of the shots will draw attention for sure. We have to continue our escape.

But then it hit me..

I'm stuck on a floating island.

How am i supposed to get off? 

I can hear the Azonians chanting and marching closer. I guess i better brace myself.

At least that's what was going through my mind at first. To my surprise, The creature clung onto my back. i could feel SOMETHING gripping me. No different from a bird grabbing you with it's talons. But the creature has no visible talons. so what gives?

I didn't really have time to wonder. Because to my shock, the creature effortlessly lifted me off the ground (Equipment and everything!) and we began flying away. I made the mistake of looking down at the bottomless pit full of clouds and had to tear my eyes away from it. What my eyes instead landed on where the Azonians watching us fly away. One of them tried to take a shot at us, but thankfully the creature was able to maneuver us out of the way.

10 Days since impact (1:00 A.M. Terran Time):

We landed on a nearby island. I thanked the creature for saving me by hugging it and caressing it. Hopefully it understood the gesture. i took this opportunity to check if it had talons but. nope, nothing. i don't feel anything.

I decided to ignore it for now. Looking at this creature just raises far more questions than it answers.

Right now we're in what looks like a shrine of sorts. I see a lot of flowing water here. I filled a bottle and looked back at the creature. it doesn't seem to mind. I reached in my back and took out a tablet. Right as i was about to put it in the bottle, the creature flapped it's wings and knocked it out of my hands. it then proceeded to jump up and down. It flew up and pushed my arm towards my face. almost as if it was urging me to drink it as is.

...I don't know how safe that is. It has a weird color. 

But the creature seems to be urging me.

Hopefully i won't regret this.

11 Days since impact (2:00 P.M. Terran Time):

Right now, I'm sitting in the middle of the shrine contemplating where i should hide.  I woke up today and the creature was nowhere to be found. i tried looking all over, but i couldn't find it.

I only got more concerned when i saw a few Azonians patrolling the shrine. I have my rifle with me and this shrine overs much more coverage than the garden did. I hid on top of one of the pillars and waited. 

One of the Azonian foot-soldiers entered the shrine, looking around. i know it's me they wanted. Taking a deep breath, i took aim and fired at it's head. It went down in a second. Another entered and i quickly took my shot too. Once i was sure no others were coming, i made my way down the shrine.

I saw some smoke coming from further up ahead. must've been where their ship crash landed. i made my way over there and sure enough, i saw their ship. They had a cage in the middle where they were keeping the creature trapped.

I stayed hidden. Reloading my weapon. Right as they seemed to be getting ready to board the cage onto their ship, I pulled the trigger on what seemed to be the leader. (He was the only one with a different accessory.)

I was able to get in a few good shots on the others, but a the rest seemed to quickly scatter. I took this opportunity to fire at the lock of the cage, allowing the creature to break free. I quickly retreated back to the center of the shrine before the other Azonians could spot me. I looked around to see if the creature had followed me when i felt something land on my head. I opened my arms and the creature landed in them, eyeing me.

It then flew onto my back and once more began flying us away to another place.

12 Days since impact (1:00 P.M. Terran Time):

We made it to another island. this one seemed to have more trees than the others, an easy place to take cover and lay low for a while. A good thing too, cause the creature looked so exhausted. It had a few scratches and looked more disheveled. i'm sure the capture had something to do with that.

I once more tended it's wounds using my medkit and then we took a moment to rest. there was more of that fruit here in the trees. but this time we seemed to be in the wild. surely nobody will have any complaints about us taking those right?

The creature made a noise again. I looked at it and it landed in my hand before flying and landing in front of me. It put something in my hand. A ring?

It looked just like the one it had on it's tail. i looked at it and then back at the creature. it then began brushing up against my leg. i smiled and ran my hands through it again. It's been a bit hectic. but at least i have company.

13 Days since impact (6:00 A.M. Terran Time):

I woke up today and my heard nearly stopped once more. the creature was gone. again.

Just like last time, i began looking around. my rifle clutched in my hand. i ran for minutes and minutes. but i didn't see any sign of the creature.

*BUMP*

I bumped into someone. i quickly pointed my rifle at it.

"WOAH! EASY! EASY!"

Wait...It's speaking in...

Now that i'm taking a closer look. 

Yes... that the Rescue Team's Uniform.

"Are you okay?" The team member asked. "Please,lower the weapon.

6:00 A.M. Terran time

Turns out they're here because of the S.O.S. signal. Happy to see rescue came at least. I guess the Azonians DID slow them down a bit.

Right now we were getting ready to return home. As we were boarding the ship and preparing things for lift off, i looked around. Still no sign of the creature. Am i really about to leave it without saying goodbye?

I took a look at the ring it game me. It seemed to be glowing. I don't really know if it's because of the sun or if it's supposed to do that....

The team shouted at me to come aboard. i took one last look. Maybe it returned to it's garden...

..Oh well.

I mean we've only been together for a few days...

6:10 A.M. Terran time

Everything is going haywire right now. Looks like the Azonian ships spotted us and the rescue team is currently engaged in combat. Right now were just being evasive and dodging. It's working well right now, but for how long?

What's strange is, the ring i got seems to be glowing much brighter now. And a trail has appeared. just like the first time i found that other ring. I didn't have time to ponder what was going on, as i heard several explosions go off outside the ship. i peeked out of the window and watched as several Azonian ships went down. The rescue team pulled up the monitor to see where the blasts came from. They saw something in the clouds. it was obstructed by the clouds, and as such, the only thing visible was it's silhouette. It was roughly the same size as our ship, but it had several giant wings. surrounded by what seemed to be a bunch of winged soldiers.

The trail of the ring was pointed towards them. Could it be?

I once again didn't get to dwell on it. The rescue team's ship kicked into overdrive and exited the planet's atmosphere before the Azonians had a chance to recover. Soon enough, the cloudy planet was nothing but a distant ball in the reaches of space. More questions began to creep up as i looked at the ring. the trail slowly faded away, but it was still glowing.

Just what the hell was up with that planet and it's creatures?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days had passed and an alien had landed in the garden. they looked more. humanoid. it's wings were much bigger. the green appendage was much larger and had spikes coming out of it. It's face seemed to be completely obscured by feathers, but there was a noticeable eye poking through them. The creature munched on the gardens fruit as it slowly hovered around the garden itself.

It then closed it's wings and focused. it's body slowly glowing and it's surrounding slowly morphing. Soon the alien was in a different location. it seemed to be the inside of a house. one completely unfamiliar to them.

It looked around and it's eyes landed on the person it was seeking. An indescribable feeling went through the alien's mind as it saw that they were wearing the ring they gave them. The alien extended it's wings, trying to reach out to them.

"H-Huh?!" The one holding the rifle turned around. feeling someone touching them. It them looked around in confusion. nobody was there. 

"God, i've only been trapped there for what. 11 days? i shouldn't be feeling this paranoid." the one holding the weapon said. it them cocked the weapon before heading out. The alien felt themselves being pulled alongside the one holding their present. A satisfied noise seemed to escape the alien as it's surroundings slowly began to morph back into the garden it knew as it's home.

The alien looked at it's bandaged wing. and then at the sky. the alien didn't know if they would ever see each other in person again. But as long as that person had that ring, they would always have a way to watch over them.

[whentherewerebicycles]

.

ok the further I get from the night the more I am able to be semi-rational. last night was bad bad bad lots of hysterical sobbing from pain that was probably worsened by the fact that I’d been so so hopeful the meds would help right away. the despair crash is so rough!! same thing happened after the cortisone shots + the oxycodone failed.

here are the scary parts:

the pain is progressive not static… it gets worse every night and it’s just scary to be in that much pain alone in the night!

the daytime stiffness and loss of mobility is progressive not static… for example typing used to be something that didn’t bother me at all bc my hands are mostly flat on the keyboard, but now increasingly my fingers are so stiff/numb/arthritic it’s hard to even do that which means it’s hard to do my work

nothing is working so far :( and there’s so much time left to go

I feel guilty for taking meds I feel like I’m selfishly putting him at risk even though I know that’s stupid the risks are low and he’s going to be fine and my health/mental well-being also matters

I think my plan is:

push for an induction at 39 weeks even though I didn’t want to be induced sigh

push to get disability leave approved so I can leave work earlier—this will reduce my intense boss-related stress and will allow me to sleep more during the day

keep taking the meds in hopes that they kick in and offer some relief

aaaaaaaaaaaaa just survive it