#the marvel cinematic universe ranked

[crascet]

Final X-Men Movie Tier List Update- Deadpool & Wolverine (Non-Spoiler)

Now finally back from D&W and it was a great movie! I loved the fight scenes with the first fight between Wade and Logan and the last fight being standouts. Logan and Wade are just great together here and how they develop their friendship is the best part. Cassandra Nova is gleefully sadistic here and a great performance put there.

I can't really go too much since that will go into spoilers, but there are surprises here that made me happy. However, I will say that my last post was strangely fitting here since the main message of the movie is preserving legacies, even if they aren't well liked as they are now.

And that's that, all the X-Men movie from Fox and now including D&W, so now all that's left is...

THE FINAL RANKING (in my opinion)

#14. X-Men: The Last Stand- A movie that just pisses me off the more I think about it.

#13. X-Men Origins: Wolverine- An eh movie with some interesting stuff, but that's it.

#12. The New Mutants- Very interesting premise, but it was alright.

#11. X-Men: Apocalypse- An ok movie carried by Erik.

#10. X-Men: Dark Pheonix- Very good first half but falls apart through the other half. Really wished there was a retry for this one.

#9. Deadpool 2- Good movie with moments and characters that I liked, but not as good as....

#8. Deadpool- A good, funny movie that redeems fans hope for Wade in this franchise.

#7. The Wolverine- Very underrated movie that should deserve some more attention honestly.

#6. X-Men- A damn good way to start off this whole franchise.

#5. Deadpool & Wolverine- A great movie that serves as an excellent send off to the franchise.

#4. X-Men: First Class- Great movie that shows the start of Charles wanting peace between mutants and humans and the rise of Erik becoming Magneto. Great performances by McAvoy and Fassbender.

#3. X2- Takes everything from the first film and elevates it to 11. Best villain of the whole franchise with Cox as Stryker and the great film debut of Kurt.

#2. X-Men: Days of Future Past- Amazing time travel movie with a great dynamic of Logan and Charles, an iconic moment with Peter, and the best climax in the entire series.

#1. Logan- A straight up masterpiece that I just love talking about since I first watched it.

[worldnews90]

Fantastic Four' Trailer Reveals Classic Marvel Villain's Surprising Comeback

Marvel's first superhero team-up is back, and this time, the keyword is "family." No, it's not a Fast & Furious movie, but the emotional theme of the first trailer for The Fantastic Four: First Steps is all about how the four titular superheroes see themselves as a family unit. 

The just-released trailer from Marvel Studios firmly establishes that this film will take place in a retro-futuristic version of the 1960s, in which Reed Richards (Pedro Pascal), Sue Storm (Vanessa Kirby), Johnny Storm (Joseph Quinn), and Ben Grimm (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) are grappling with their superheroic transformations, following a fateful spaceflight. 

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[puppetwoman17]

My personal ranking of MCU shows! Seemed fun to do, also it’s MY ranking🤩(btw there are a couple I haven’t watched so those won’t be in here)

Wandavision

X-Men ‘97

Ms. Marvel

Agatha All Along

Moon Knight

She Hulk

What If

Hawkeye

Falcon

Secret Invasion

[alongtherubyford]

okay but isn’t it funny to think that steve wasn’t actually a captain when he was told his little hero jingle name, and he didn’t get promoted?

sergeant first class steve rogers after the serum: excuse me-

a second lieutenant: oh, i’m so sorry, sir, let me call everyone here to attention-

steve, blinking: the fuck

[lostlegendaerie]

I don't care how good infinity war/endgame are, I'm never watching them bc gamora didn't get to beat thanos to death with a dented baseball bat so what's the point

[zeereadsstuffs]

The correct MCU tier list

[james-stark-the-writer]

okay, i have bad news, i guess, i have unfortunately not been able to stop thinking about Phase 4 projects like Hawkeye and Eternals and She-Hulk and how much i ADORE the absolute fuck out them, and with the Agatha show coming up and wanting to see more of Kathryn devouring the role, unfortunately the brainworms are too convincing rn. if you see me catching up with Phase 5 on here in the next few weeks, ignore me. or better yet, forgive me.

thing i'm most excited to see is Echo, since i still haven't gotten to it and i'm really excited to see what they do with the character since she was one of the best parts of Hawkeye; another thing i'm excited to see is The Marvels just to see more of Iman Vellani; what i'm least excited to see is Loki because season one of Loki is still basically at the bottom of my MCU tierlist (Michael Waldron, i LOATHE you and your work); what i'm weirded out by on principle is Secret Invasion (yes it's the intro shit); and what i'm deeply unconcerned with getting to is What If? bc that shit was actually the worst thing in Phase 4 by a dozen country miles (Loki was saved from being the worst thing by What If? S01, and No Way Home at least tried for a chunk of its runtime.). i've already seen Guardians Vol. 3 and D&W, so i don't have too much to catch up with in terms of pure runtime.

anyway. i'm shockingly optimistic about things for some reason. i'm sure the good shit will still be good, and if it's even half as great as Phase 4 was, i'll be glad to have seen it. i just hope the bad shit isn't as bad as the bad shit in Phase 4 bc that was insufferable.

fun bonus that took me actual HOURS of effort to make since there are apparently no up to date templates including every marvel production and the shows separated by seasons, since those are obviously not created equally and their quality fluctuates a bunch (and when i tried making my own template — after spending far too long trying to find unique and interesting posters that were also legible enough at these tiny sizes to actually be useful — the website just crashed and refused to let me make it) but: if you're curious where i place most Marvel projects, well. here ya go [check the alt text if you can't identify a poster or are confused about which season it is etc., and if you're curious about why things are where they are, here's my letterboxd which has reviews for almost everything ranked here, besides the TV shows that aren't on there, obviously.]:

[jackbootsinc]

Updated to include The Marvels and exclude the shows.

[thehumanarkle]

Arkle Tier Ranks MCU Phase 4

I accidentally referred to No Way Home as Far From Home more than once. I actually don't like Far From Home that much. I did as I was watching, but it did not hold up to hindsight.

How many of you even remembered Werewolf By Night was a thing?

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard's video on Hawkeye: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPNIxPagHEA The TV Tropes entry on Protagonist Cenetered Morality: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ProtagonistCenteredMorality

Like this show? Remember to Like, Share, & Subscribe. Also, if you can, please support this channel on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/arklestudios

Feedback? Find me on Twitter (@G33kOfAllTrades), Tumblr (thehumanarkle.tumblr.com), Instagram (brian.d.webber), or Mastodon (@arkle)

[simeonscott]

Check out the replay NOW!

Ranking the ENTIRE MCU W/ @BoingoRider ! - Vacstream 12/2/2023

Doing a Tier List Stream with @boingo-rider on Saturday Afternoon, come join us if ya can!

[kashlyn]

So I asked ChatGPT:

"Which of these three is a better crossover to DC's Batfamily and why (with rankings): Danny Phantom, Miraculous Ladybug, or Marvel Cinematic Universe's Spiderman"

and here's their answer, word per word (copy-pasted and all)=

"Crossing over characters into the DC Batfamily involves evaluating how well each character's abilities, personality, and storyline could integrate with the themes and dynamics of Gotham City and the Batfamily. Let's analyze each character:

1. Danny Phantom

Pros:

Theme Compatibility: Danny Phantom's ghost-hunting and supernatural elements can mesh well with Gotham's dark and often eerie atmosphere.

Character Fit: Danny has a strong sense of justice and a personal struggle with dual identities, similar to Batman's struggle as Bruce Wayne and Batman.

Skills and Abilities: Danny's ghost powers offer unique abilities that can complement the Batfamily's more grounded skill sets.

Cons:

Tone Difference: Danny Phantom has a lighter, more comedic tone compared to the typically dark and serious tone of the Batfamily stories.

2. Miraculous Ladybug (Marinette Dupain-Cheng)

Pros:

Heroic Traits: Marinette is resourceful, strategic, and deeply cares about protecting her city, traits that align well with the Batfamily's values.

Partnership Potential: Ladybug’s teamwork and reliance on her partner, Cat Noir, can translate well into working with the Batfamily.

Skills and Abilities: Her Miraculous powers, such as the Lucky Charm and her agility, could offer unique advantages in combat and problem-solving.

Cons:

Setting and Tone: The bright, optimistic setting of Paris in Miraculous Ladybug might clash with Gotham’s darker, grittier environment.

Youthful Tone: The show’s youthful, sometimes romantic themes might not blend seamlessly with the more mature and intense themes in Batfamily stories.

3. Marvel Cinematic Universe's Spider-Man (Peter Parker)

Pros:

Theme Compatibility: Spider-Man’s street-level crime-fighting and personal struggles resonate well with the Batfamily's narratives.

Character Fit: Peter Parker's intelligence, sense of responsibility, and youthful energy can complement characters like Robin and Batgirl.

Skills and Abilities: Spider-Man’s agility, spider-sense, and web-slinging abilities can add a new dimension to the Batfamily’s crime-fighting techniques.

Cons:

Existing Lore: Integrating a well-established character from the Marvel Universe into the DC Universe could be more complex due to existing fan expectations and lore.

Ranking and Reasoning

Marvel Cinematic Universe's Spider-Man

Reason: Spider-Man’s character traits and abilities align closely with the Batfamily’s dynamics. His themes of responsibility, intelligence, and youthful energy make him a natural fit for collaborations with characters like Robin and Batgirl. Additionally, his crime-fighting style and personal struggles resonate well with Gotham’s themes.

Danny Phantom

Reason: Danny’s dual identity, sense of justice, and supernatural abilities offer a unique blend that can enhance the Batfamily’s operations. While the tone difference is a consideration, his character’s core values and abilities make him a strong contender for integration into the Batfamily.

Miraculous Ladybug

Reason: While Marinette’s resourcefulness and heroism are admirable, the tone and setting of Miraculous Ladybug present a more significant challenge for seamless integration into the darker, more mature world of Gotham. Her abilities and teamwork skills are valuable but might require more adjustments to fit perfectly into the Batfamily’s universe.

In conclusion, Spider-Man ranks highest for his natural thematic and character alignment with the Batfamily, followed by Danny Phantom for his complementary abilities and character traits, and lastly, Miraculous Ladybug, whose tone and setting present the most significant integration challenges."

[jemappellezay]

I'm on my Cobie Smulders hyperfixation and I really think my top 3 characters that she played could easily be seen as an alternate universe variant of each other.

Hear me out.

(tw: mentions of abuse and death)

While we don't know the full background of Major Susan Turner (Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)), we know that both Maria Hill (Marvel Cinematic Universe (2012-2023)) and Dex Parios (Stumptown (2019)) were both born into dysfunctional families and those three ended up in the military one way or another. The roles we saw were the result of twists and turns that happened during that time.

We all know MCU sucks when it comes to backstory, but (comic) canonically, Maria Hill's mother died giving birth to her and she grew up in an abusive household with her father. She joined the Marine Corps later in life.

Maria Hill was the outcome if they were offered a "better" option—an out. She joined SHIELD and due to her determination and skill, she quickly climbed up the ranks to the point where she became the second in command (even director at some point in the comics).

Dex Parios, undoubtedly, was the most "unserious" character compared to the other two. Though, she was more like Maria than we realized. Her growing-up life was somewhat alright compared to Maria's, but she did have to see the love of her life betrothed to another. Just like Maria, she became a marine—a damn good one.

However, unlike Maria, Dex was never offered a "better option". She had to see the very same man that broke her heart killed in front of her and for years, she blamed herself for it. She never had a "better option" because her mother then left her little brother alone, making her the sole caretaker of him. Dex was never offered a "better option" so for years, she had to hop between one job to another, trying to stay afloat, and was left to cope with her trauma by herself. Only years later, she finally found what worked for her: helping people by becoming a private investigator.

Compared to the other two that I listed, we know a lot less about Major Susan Turner, but I think we can make some guesses from what we saw. Another difference was that she joined the Army rather than the Marines, and she never got out. She didn't really need to (at first, at least).

The life in the army was treating her well. She was a well-respected commanding officer. She was damn good at her job. That being said, she never let her job get in the way of her values and despite all the conspiracy and shits they tried to throw at her, she ended up back in her job due to her resilience. Major Susan Turner is what they would've been if they stayed in the military.

In conclusion, idk if my writings did justice to explain it, but they were more similar than we (I) realized. They were all resilient, determined, stubborn af and didn't know when to quit. They were good people (some is more morally gray than the other) who used their very similar skills to help other people in the way they knew. I love them all, and I love Cobie for bringing them to me and doing justice to their characters.

Thanks for reading my word vomit.

[aresgodofwar23]

Recess

Gus Griswald and Ashley Spenelli

Us Agent and new Captain America Gus Griswald and Spinelli as Ghost

Thunderbolt 2025 they have off I lay join the Toon cinematic universe .

MCU 2024 Gus Griswald's journey from a timid child to a valiant soldier and eventually the US Agent is a tale of courage, loss, and redemption.

Gus Griswald: From Recess to US Agent

In the playgrounds of youth, where fears loomed large,

Gus Griswald stood, his heart's courage charged.

A soldier at heart, in the game of pretend,

He vowed to serve America, to protect and defend.

High school brought challenges, friendships so bold,

Lemar Hoskins, Battlestar, their stories unfold.

Together they trained, in the army's strong hold,

Climbing the ranks, their bravery untold.

Sergeant Major Griswald, with honors so bright,

Was chosen by the government to fight the good fight.

To replace Samurai Jack, a legend so grand,

As Captain America, he took the command.

He was alongside with Wade ( falcon ) from Kim possible(fern the human ( wintersoilder )

With shield in hand, he faced the Flag Smashers,

Defending the values, against all the bashers.

But fate struck hard, Battlestar fell in the fray,

And Gus, in his rage, made the Flag Smashers pay.

Stripped of his title, in the public's harsh gaze,

Gus's path seemed to darken, lost in a maze.

Yet, the secret agency, with a mission so clear,

Saw potential in him, and drew him near.

The CIA's offer, a chance to rise once more,

To harness his power, to settle the score.

As the US Agent, with a new role to play,

Gus Griswald marches on, in the USA's sway.

Ashley Spinelli, once the tough kid on the playground, faced a life-altering tragedy that would redefine her destiny. Here's a narrative that weaves her past into the fabric of the Marvel universe as "Ghost":

**Ashley Spinelli: The Making of Ghost**

In the quantum realm, where science meets fate,

Lived a girl named Spinelli, with strength innate.

Her parents, brilliant minds, in their lab so vast,

Tinkered with particles, in experiments cast.

One fateful day, as the atoms danced wild,

A quantum accident struck, engulfing their child.

Her parents were lost, in a blinding light's fold,

Leaving Spinelli alone, with powers untold.

She found herself changed, in ways surreal,

Her body could phase, through walls it could steal.

A power surged within, a force undefined,

But with it came a curse, a balance maligned.

"Molecular Disequilibrium," the doctors would say,

Her atoms in chaos, in constant disarray.

Yet, within this turmoil, a hero was born,

As Ghost, she would rise, from the ashes, forlorn.

She fought Antman and wasp ( eddy) (mabel pine) Ed eddneddy and gravity falls

Thunderbolt Ross, with an eye for the rare,

Saw potential in her, a weapon to snare.

He offered a purpose, a chance to belong,

To fight for a cause, to right what was wrong.

The CIA, too, with motives concealed,

Recruited her skills, her fate thus sealed.

As an agent of shadows, silent and swift,

She'd harness her powers, the nation to lift.

Now, Ashley Spinelli, once a child so fierce,

Battles the threats that through defenses pierce.

As Ghost, she moves unseen, a specter of might,

A guardian phasing through the perilous night.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

The 20 Best Films of 2024 (And the 10 Worst)

I fucking love movies.

Most people following me know that on some level, but I haven’t really showcased that love in a long while. Over the past couple of years I felt really drained and unmotivated, and my review series I did all petered out. And it made me sad. I WANT to share my opinions, I WANT to talk about things I’m passionate about! So I decided about halfway through 2024 I was going to do something big to bring my blog back: Watch as many new releases from 2024 as possible so that I could make an end of year ranking of my favorite movies!

Since I decided to do this halfway through the year, it made watching the films I actually wanted to see fairly easy since everything was able to be pira—er, watched completely legally on various streaming platforms. Max and Prime were big helps, as was Netflix towards the end of the year when my wife got it for her yearly month-long binge of Christmas films. My only rule was that the film needed to have a wide release in 2024—a few films had festival screenings in previous years, but I counted them for the purposes of my list. This also, sadly, meant Better Man and Wallace & Gromit were ineligible (but they’ll likely be ion my 2025 list near the top).

I gave myself a little leeway and extended my deadline to mid January just so I could make sure I didn’t miss anything I really wanted to see, as well as so I could watch movies from other years. I managed to watch 77 newly released films, and while I didn’t get to see everything I wanted to I was incredibly happy with what I did see.

This was a really good year for queer films and horror. For the former, I watched four different movies with queer themes with three of them focusing on trans folks, and of those four three were extremely good! In fact, two of them made this list, and one that didn’t—The People’s Joker—is still a fantastic work that puts a fresh spin on well-worn characters while telling a coming-of-age story! With the latter, we just got some truly fun and inventive films that showcased what the genre can do in the hands of skilled filmmakers; even more flawed horror films like Late Night with the Devil and Alien: Romulus were still really good and fun, albeit held back by some glaring and often frustrating issues (CGI necromancy for the latter, AI generated image use and a shitty finale for the former).

Surprisingly, this was also a decent year for superhero cinematic universes, mainly because they all slowed the fuck down. Marvel released a single film—Deadpool & Wolverine—which managed to be a fun crowd-pleaser as well as releasing the wonderfully witchy Agatha All Along to Disney+. DC put out two shows this year, The Penguin for the Reeves elseworlds and Creature Commandos as the animated debut of the new main DC film universe’s continuity; the former is a fantastic crime drama full of excellent performances that gives one of the best portrayals of Batman’s most versatile villain yet seen, while the latter is a decent-but-nothing-too-special ultra violent animated series. Both studios are looking to have interesting futures, and at any rate they’re both doing way better than Sony, who not only gave us now news on Spider-Verse but also shat out the three worst films in their already abysmal cinematic universe. Honestly, I think creating a six film run in a cinematic universe where none of the movies are good is an incredible feat!

But most of all, this was a great year for women. Most of my favorite performances of the year came from immensely talented actresses giving it their all: Mikey Madison, Margaret Qualley, Kathryn Hahn, Aubrey Plaza, Anya Taylor-Joy, Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Lauren LaVera, Alisha Weir, Liza Soberano, Kathryn Newton, Naomi Scott, Willa Fitzgerald, Lupita Nyong’o, Kristen Stewart, Cristin Milioti… The Ladies were killing it this year. Three stand above all the others for me, however. The first is Zendaya who, between Dune and Challengers cemented herself as one of my favorite actresses; the second is Lily Rose-Depp, who with Nosferatu gave a performance so good it completely erased Yoga Hosers from my mind; and finally there is Demi Moore in The Substance, who gave the best performance of the whole year, hands down.

Before we get into the top 20, let me just give a brief rundown of my ten honorable mentions. If there wasn’t a 30 image limit, I probably would’ve covered these, but oh well. Lisa Frankenstein is a shockingly charming and macabre directorial debut from Zelda Williams and a welcome return to form for Diablo Cody; Blink Twice is a gripping psychological horror thriller dealing with themes like gaslighting, sexism, and wealthy tech bros abusing women (a very topical subject) and features perhaps the best performance of Channing Tatum’s career; Smile 2 is a wonderfully crushing downer of a horror film, with a fantastic lead performance from Naomi Scott; Trap is M. Night going full goofy with a black comedy about a serial killer who keeps rolling nat 20s on his persuasion checks; Rite Here Rite Now is a kickass concert film for the band Ghost with story bits interwoven, and features a Scooby-Doo homage music video for “Mary on a Cross,” finally embracing their role as goofy Scooby-Doo chase music; Juror #2 is a fantastic late-career film from Clint Eastwood that features a fantastic performance from Nicolas Hoult, though it unfortunately released in a year where the guy had even better performances; Strange Darling is a dark thriller told out of older that is incredibly stylish but maybe a bit too full of itself; Road House is an awesomely stupid remake that fully embraces the goofy spirit of the Swayze original while telling its own story, complete with cartoonish logic and fights; The Wild Robot is a great (but a bit overhyped) found family story; and Love Lies Bleeding is basically Drive for lesbians with macrophilia, fulfilling the sort of niche none of us knew existed but we should be thankful is around. I’d also like to shout out two contenders that would have been higher if not for glaring issues—Late Night with the Devil and Alien: Romulus. The former has numerous moments that break the immersion of its setup and an absolutely terrible finale, while the latter employs CGI to bring a dead actor back to life and leans far too heavily on nostalgia for much of the middle portion of the movie. Both are still really good, but their glaring issues hold them back.

Now, onto the main event! Keep in mind, this is all just my opinion and not the objective list of what's best and worst, and you're free to agree or disagree as you see fit:

20. The Fall Guy

I really loved Bullet Train and Deadpool 2 is a really solid superhero sequel that might actually be funnier than the original, so it’s safe to say David Leitch is a director I enjoy. Now, how about throwing in Ryan “Literally Me” Gosling instead of Brad “Wife Beater” Pitt as the lead and also throwing in Emily Blunt, Winston Duke, and giving Aaron Taylor-Johnson a chance to actually act? You’ve got yourself a fun, funny little stunt extravaganza. It doesn’t quite reach the highs of Bullet Train but it gets pretty close, and if nothing else it managed to convince me Kiss didn’t suck for the duration of its runtime (they play “I Was Made for Lovin’ You” about every five minutes, and it honestly rules every time).

19. I Saw the TV Glow

I sometimes worry I’m not going to be able to pick up on metaphors or allegories, no matter how obvious. I watch a lot of horror and superhero movies, y’know? Simple stuff. I worry it makes me too stupid. But I was able to fully grasp the trans allegory of this movie, and absolutely loved it and thought it enhanced the narrative. Justice Smith absolutely kills it here; the dude is great at playing mumbly autistic people uncomfortable in their own skin, and this is the peak of those roles. He absolutely sells the final, soul-crushing party scene at the end of the movie in a way few other actors could. Also Fred Durst is here, and while this seems a funny tidbit, he actually delivers a line that is so unbelievably brutal that it instantly made me hyper aware of the themes of the film. I actually passed out the first time I tried watching this film, and thought that it sucked because of it; as you can see, I’m glad I gave it a second chance.

18. Conclave

I was worried a stuffy drama about holy men vying to become the Pope would be boring, but boy am I glad to be proven wrong! This is a film that is mostly old men talking to each other, but they’re also scheming, plotting, and acting like bitchy mean girls as they try and become the next head of the Vatican. Ralph Fiennes puts in a fantastic performance here, and the film’s views on faith and religion are actually pretty relevant to me (someone who has a complicated view of religion). Throw in a jaw-dropping final twist and I can see why this film is so heavily hyped as an awards darling—though I don’t necessarily think it should win.

17. Abigail

I’m sure you all are aware of my love of vampires, especially vampires with a singular defining theme. I have created vampire OCs with gimmicks ranging from a lost cosmonaut vampire to a traumatized WWII veteran clown vampire to a former Cosa Nostra boss vampire to a vampire who’s the king of Atlantis… But let me tell you, the fact I somehow didn’t think of “Vampire ballerina” is something that will haunt me forever, especially when it was done so perfectly here. The titular vampire’s profession of choice is utilized amazingly in how she moves and kills, and it makes her one of the most unique and fun horror antagonists in recent memory. The fact the rest of the film is funny and engaging is icing on the cake, really.

16. A Different Man

I love movies that are character studies about people who are literally the fucking worst, and Sebastian Stan’s character here is a very interesting take on this. He’s a man who feels his deformity is what causes people to not like him, so he gets a procedure to make him ‘normal’… And then along comes a guy with the same issue as him (played by Adam Pearson) who is the fucking Rizz Master and who everyone loves. It turns out the whole time he just fucking sucked! Stan is absolutely great and proved to me he’s the real deal after multiple MCU projects where he bored me to tears, but Pearson is the one who steals the show here. He’s just an unbelievably charismatic figure, a real fun guy, and without him the film just absolutely wouldn’t work. How he keeps getting overlooked for awards is beyond me.

15. Megalopolis

Every single opinion you will hear about this film is correct. It’s great, it’s awful, it’s genius, it’s moronic… It has to be seen to be believed. I saw this for my birthday, expecting it to be a glorious trainwreck lovingly crafted by an aging auteur who saw this as their ultimate passion project… and that’s exactly what I got! I think every decade needs its own take on The Room, and this is that film if it had an even more insanely huge budget and a director who actually has genuine talent and some semblance of knowledge about how a film is supposed to be.

14. Terrifier 3

The Little Slasher Film That Could! A truly inspiring film, one that managed to make a massive profit despite being a grisly, gruesome splatter film the likes of which haven’t been seen since… well, since Terrifier 2 really. The plot is a bit weaker than its predecessor, but what it lacks in story strength it makes up for in buckets of blood and pitch-black comedy. David Howard Thornton gives his best turn yet as Art, cementing the demonic clown as a modern horror icon with an impressive physical performance.

13. In a Violent Nature

One of the year’s most polarizing films due to its concept: It is a slasher film that follows the killer as our POV, and that means lots of slow, methodical walks through the woods as he seeks his victims. There’s lots of lingering shots and slow pacing, feeling like a real-time hiking simulator… but there’s something so fresh and engaging about it, and when we finally get to the kills they are easily some of the best the slasher genre has seen in years. Does the ending car ride drag on maybe a bit longer than it should? Sure, but I still enjoyed it for fleshing out the film’s world a bit more while hammering home the themes. I think this might be one of the only slasher movies I could reasonably call a genuine work of art.

12. Deadpool & Wolverine

I’ll be the first to admit this is not a great movie; the story is basically nonexistent and everything that happens seems to be contrivances that exist so that Reynolds and Jackman can bounce off each other. But this isn’t a bad thing! Jackman wisely brings his A-game when he could have easily half-assed this role at this point, and Reynolds manages to squeeze out a few solid emotional moments from Wade Wilson. And while the film is a terrible sequel to the first two Deadpool movies, it is a wonderful Deadpool themed meta-commentary and tribute to the Fox Marvel films of the 2000s, movies that tended to suck ass and that most would find unworthy of respect. Not this film; it brings back characters like Johnny Storm and Elektra and uses them in fresh and funny ways that will make you feel at least a little something for that era of superhero cinema. This is a fun fanservice fest—and the perfect demonstration of why we don’t need any more after it, because they could never be as good as this.

11. Wicked

Yes, the lighting is bad and the direction isn’t exactly anything special. Let’s not give Jon M. Chu any credit for why this film is so high up. No, it is the absolutely stellar cast that carries this film, with Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande knocking it out of the park in their roles as Elphaba and Glinda. Their developing friendship feels sweet and genuine, and their songs all hit as hard as they should, with the “Defying Gravity” sequence easily being one of the year’s highlights despite the sun’s best efforts at ruining the moment. It’s just nice to see a fun, colorful, campy fantasy musical get this big. We need more like this.

10. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

It’s nice to see the world of Mad Max expanded and it’s even better to see how Furiosa became the woman she was in Fury Road, but the real star of the show here is Chris Hemsworth as Dementus. It is mind-boggling how good an actor he is when he gets to let loose, and this might genuinely be the best performance of his career. Just a damn good film, but what else can you expect from Miller? Its biggest flaw is it just isn’t as good as Fury Road—but what movie even is?

9. Transformers One

The trailers for this movie didn’t look particularly good, and the Transformers franchise had long lost any goodwill in my eyes, so this was a movie I fully expected to fly under my radar. But then along came a Twitter user who did nothing but hype this film up to the high heavens, and so I had to give it a shot… and boy am I glad I did, because this is easily the best animated movie I saw last year (I did not get a chance to see Flow or Memoirs of a Snail, which I’m sure are better movies). For the second time in the year Chris Hemsworth pulled off a shockingly great performance, but this was truly Brian Tyree Henry’s film; his performance as D-16 AKA Megatron is genuinely fucking amazing. He truly manages to sell the future Decepticon's fall from grace and make it believable while also managing to sell the friendship between him and Optimus before it all goes to shit. Easily the best film in the entire franchise so far.

8. Sonic the Hedgehog 3

Family films really didn’t get better than this one this year, a feat that is monumentally impressive when you remember this is the second sequel to a movie based off of a video game and that easily clears both of its predecessors. It is paced like its title character and isn’t quite as funny as the last two, but it’s much more tightly plotted, the action is incredible, and best of all the emotional story beats it pullls off with Shadow and his tragic backstory hit just as hard as they should. As perfect as Shadow is, the movie wouldn’t be half as good without Eggman and his interactions with Gerald Robotnik; Jim Carrey, the man who once refused to do sequels, managed to give two of the best performances of his career in one film, delivering a fantastic character arc with Ivo and his toxic yaoi with Agent Stone as well as the zaniness-masking-depravity of Gerald. An utter joy of a film, a joy only compounded when a certain song kicked in at the finale and my daughter turned to me with a big, excited grin. You can’t buy an experience like that.

7. Anora

You know all those movies about hookers with a heart of gold like Pretty Women, these live-action fairy tales where a sex worker is swept off their feet and saved from their situation by a rich guy who loves them? Well, this is the antithesis to those, a dark and realistic take on those very stories that still manages to be very funny thanks to strong performances across the board and excessive amounts of profanity. If Demi Moore wasn’t in the running, I would be throwing my full support to Mikey Madison for Best Actress, because she rules in this.

6. Heretic

I really, really love Hugh Grant. I love how he’s taken his charming leading man image and used it to play sleazy, conniving villains, weaponizing his established charisma to play the nastiest guys imaginable. And let me tell you, his performance here had me sympathizing with fucking Mormons. I think maybe the movie goes on a bit too long for its own good—there’s a point where I was thinking “Ok, I get it, can we please just wrap it up?”--but the fact this is so high on my list should tell you that I don’t think that really holds it back much.

5. Challengers

Tennis is not anything I give a shit about, but for the duration of this movie it was the actual coolest thing in the world. This is the tale of the world’s three most toxic people, and the ultimate tennis match that will decide their destiny all with the backstory of what led to that match woven in. Zendaya cemented herself as one of my favorite actors with this film, the cinematography is genuinely insane (there is a fucking tennis ball POV sequence!!!!), and Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross deliver one of their best scores yet… Why isn’t this film drowning in Oscars? How did it get snubbed this badly?

4. Nosferatu

Robert Eggers might be the greatest modern horror director. He has an impeccable sense of style, an attention to detail when it comes to historical accuracy that is genuinely insane, and the ability to always get the best cast imaginable for his films. Bill Skarsgård is unrecognizable as Orlok, a role that manages to surpass Pennywise in sheer vile wickedness, but it is in fact Lily Rose-Depp who gives the greatest performance of the film. She is truly the heart and soul of this movie, and showcases the sort of acting talent her father wishes he still possessed. This might be the first horror remake since the 80s that manages to surpass the original, though with that said there aren’t many surprises here. It knows how good the original story is, and doesn’t change too much. What it does add is crucial to the plot, though, especially showing us Orlok’s penis.

3. Dune: Part Two

I wasn’t the biggest fan of the first Dune. I liked it well enough, but it felt like a whole lot of setting up and not enough delivering. Well, guess what? This film delivered. Oh fucking boy did it deliver. Austin Butler debuts as Feyd-Rautha, one of the most badass and bloodthirsty villains ever put to film, and despite not getting the winged panties Sting had manages to steal the show and leave a lasting impression despite his brief screentime. But even better than that—but only by a little—is Timothee Chalamet’s Paul’s journey from a desperate hero trying to survive into a full-blown dark messiah who buys into his own hype and whips his followers into a frenzy. It is genuinely chilling seeing what he becomes, and it has me excited where the third and final film will take him. Also Christopher Walken is here. And worms. I really love big worms and Walken.

2. The Substance

People have tried so hard to apply deep meaning to this film and say it has complex moral themes. And sure, it does have strong morals and themes, but let’s not kid ourselves here: This is an R-rated Goosebumps episode. And that’s why it’s fucking amazing. It’s gross, it’s gory, it’s nasty, it’s ridiculous, it’s cartoonish, and it features Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley going all out with their performances. This film has one of the best third acts of the year, because while it does drag on quite a bit it continually gets crazier and crazier. This would easily take my top spot, but there’s one film that’s even better...

1. Hundreds of Beavers

I did not know what to expect when watching this. After hearing so many online reviewers like Schafrillas and YMS rave about it, I definitely was uncertain that I’d find this to be quite as good as the hype would lead me to believe. But let me tell you, to say this film surpassed my expectations is an understatement. This is the funniest film I have ever seen in my life. This is a black and white (mostly) silent film comedy that showcases such a joy and appreciation for the art of film, a movie that oozes charm from every pore. It genuinely needs to be seen to be believed. It has one of the best protagonist journeys from nobody to badass I've ever seen, and it features some of the funniest gags I've ever witnessed. My daughter walked over when she heard me laughing, started watching, and laughed her ass off at the movie too. Genuinely a masterpiece.

Go. Go watch it. It’s free on Prime Video, it’s free on Tubi, stop fucking reading this, go and watch Hundreds of Beavers, and then come back here. It’s fine, I’ll wait.

Alright, now that you’ve seen peak cinema, it’s time to talk about the dogshit.

Even with watching so many movies this year, I surprisingly enjoyed most of them. Sequels I expected to despise like Moana 2 and MaXXXine ended up being decent but heavily flawed, cartoon slop I thought would be irredeemable crap like Thelma the Unicorn and The Garfield Movie ended up being surprisingly decent and surprisingly mid respectively, and Madame Web was perhaps the funniest piece of shit Sony ever churned out. Kung Fu Panda 4 and Venom: The Last Dance are really the closest to genuine “dishonorable mentions” I have, but neither of them are that bad. Like, they definitely suck, but they have enough good points to them where I don’t want to put them on this list. The same goes for hilarious streaming garbage like Nanoshark and Cinderella’s Revenge. Sure, the former feels three hours long (it’s barely over sixty minutes) and the latter ends up squandering its fun premise and dickriding Elon Musk (I’m not kidding), but it’s hard for me to muster up anger at schlock meant to be put on as background noise.

But I still saw some fucking awful movies this year that I hate with a passion. Here are all ten of them:

10. Poolman

Poolman is the directorial debut of everyone’s favorite Chris, Chris Pine… and it is a perfect demonstration of why he needs to stick to acting. Imagine, if you will, Chinatown crossed with The Big Lebowski. Now imagine The Dude is the most annoying, insufferable moron imaginable. That’s essentially what this film is. There is some mild entertainment in some of the bizarre, rambling conversations the characters have but it never truly feels like a worthwhile experience.

9. Emelia Pérez

Is this the absolute worst film of the year? No, absolutely not; if anything nice can be said about this film, it’s that it is competently made and all the technical aspects are sound. But it is probably the most offensive film of the year, delivering some of the most problematic depictions of Mexico and the trans experience you can imagine. This is basically a Mexican minstrel show desperately trying to be some grand, operatic tale of a cartel boss who tries to right their wrongs and live as their true self. It comes off as incredibly tone deaf and cringeworthy, with the transition feeling more like a way for the title character to escape her sins than anything else, which tarnishes a story that genuinely sounds fascinating on paper. Throw in a bunch of nonsensical musical numbers that are uniformly awful and a cast that has a poor grasp on the Spanish language, and you have a movie that’s offensive to everyone from man to woman, from woman to man, from penis to vagina.

8. Nosferatu

Yeah, that’s right, two Nosferatus released in 2024! And the difference in quality couldn’t be more night and day; while the Eggers film is a stylish remake that tells the familiar story with enough of the director’s own ideas to make it a unique and engaging experience, this film is a shot-for-shot remake that looks like it has the budget of a Channel Awesome movie (with the acting talent to match). The one saving grace is that the inimitable Doug Jones portrays Orlok, but even he isn’t enough to redeem this pointless slop. There are three better versions of this story you could be watching, the original and two remakes that justify their existence. Don’t waste your time with this glorified fan film.

7. The Crow

I’m not usually one to say a role died with an actor or that some stories are just not able to be remade, but The Crow is definitely one of the exceptions. Brandon Lee owned the role of Eric Draven, and the original film is perfect 90s gothic action; it’s a story that doesn’t really need a retelling. They could have easily just done a spin-off sequel like they’d done before, but no, they decided to randomly slap the names of Eric and Shelly on two characters who end up being in name only and tossing them into a sloppy supernatural murder thriller with forgettable villains and piss-poor characterization. Bill Skarsgård is probably thanking God every night he had the role of a lifetime in Count Orlok to fall back on, because a performance as bad as his Eric is would be more than enough to tank an actor’s career in any other year. Yet, even as bad as this is, it somehow isn’t the worst comic book adaptation of the year.

6. Hellboy: The Crooked Man

With The Crow, I can see why it was remade. Sure, the end result is a pile of shit, but I at least can admit there is some level of artistic integrity there; they wanted to try and put a unique spin on a familiar story, that they failed catastrophically is another thing entirely. This movie, though? This is one of the most cynical adaptations ever created. It is so blatantly an ashcan copy—a cheap production churned out as quickly as possible to cling to the rights—that it’s genuinely painful to watch. It has the look and feel of a fan film, and not a very good one; this is the Spider-Man: Lotus of Hellboy films. Frankly, this one makes me appreciate the Harbour-led film even more. Sure, that movie was a sloppy trainwreck of a dozen plotlines, but at least it had cool gore and Ian McShane! This movie has next to nothing of value.

5. Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie

You’d think that giving SpongeBob’s coolest friend her own feature-length adventure where she gets to save the day would be a good thing, especially since she’s often sidelined in the theatrical releases. Well, you’d be wrong! This is easily some of the most insufferable SpongeBob content ever shat out by Nickeleodeon, with bogus and uncomfortable grossout humor, a padded plot filled with random action sequences that do nothing to advance the plot, and a bunch of poorly-acted villains with annoying gimmicks. Wanda Sykes’ Sue Nahmee in particular is just an absolute eyesore once her true nature is revealed. I absolutely love Sandy, she’s one of my favorite characters and has been since I was a kid, so when I tell you it stung to see her time in the limelight be such a dumpster fire you’d better believe it.

4. Harold and the Purple Crayon

I honestly don’t know why this film exists. I don’t even know what to say about it. The fact that no one looked at this, a film where Zachary Levi plays a manchild who represents a grown-up version of a beloved cartoon character who enters the real world to go on a stupid journey, and thought “Hey this actually fucking sucks and maybe we shouldn’t release this into theaters” is absolutely astounding. This is a film destined to pad the bottom of the bargain bin at Wal-Mart, with the copies going unsold for years and years. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if they released the Blu-Ray straight to the bargain bin. This is the kind of crap I’d expect to see on Netflix.

3. Kraven the Hunter

Sony really had a fucking abysmal year. Madame Web was the insane, stupid comedy gold we’ve come to expect from their Spider-Man minus Spider-Man cinematic universe, but it also showed that the novelty of a series comprised of nothing but bad movies was wearing thin. Then came Venom: The Last Dance, a meandering and mediocre finale to the beloved campy Venom trilogy that ditched the fun and queer undertones for an almost incoherent sequence of random events occasionally interjected by Knull sitting on his ass and yelling at people like he’s Steven Seagal on set of his latest movie. And then as their final gift to us, they managed to put their stupid franchise out of its misery with this brutal death blow of a film. Kraven is bad in the worst possible way: It is incredibly fucking boring. This is astounding because not only is this rated R and able to take full advantage of Kraven hunting, it also has the perfect character to delver a badass anti-villainous role. But they don’t do that; instead, they make Kraven into a pretty boy anti-hero with Aaron Taylor-Johnson giving a performance so dull it convinced me he was a bad actor until I saw The Fall Guy. It’s truly pathetic that after six films they couldn’t manage to get even one thing right. It’s the miserable end to a historically awful franchise. I truly hope Disney gets the full Spider-Man rights back soon, because I trust Sony with these characters about as much as I trust a toddler with a live grenade.

2. Borderlands

I have never played a Borderlands game in my life, but if they are even remotely like this movie I don’t think I ever want to. This movie is what everyone who hates the MCU says every Marvel movie is like; flat characters, bad action, stupid quippy “he’s right behind me isn’t he”-ass dialogue, baffling casting choices, and the world’s most annoying comic relief character all congeal together into this disastrously bad sci-fi adventure. I guess we’ve been pretty spoiled with good video game adaptations lately, so they had to release a bad one to even things out. At any rate, this is the sort of black mark a Zionist dog like Eli Roth deserves on his career. With any luck, it will keep him out of the director’s chair for a very long time.

1. Joker: Foile à Deux

As many of you may know, Tom Green’s Freddy Got Fingered is one of my all-time favorite films. It is a troll film, a film where Green is deliberately pushing the limits of gross out comedy and sanity at the expense of the studio; it’s a film that is deliberately off-putting. I’m also a fan of the John Leguizamo vehicle The Pest, a movie where the main character is made to be as deliberately annoying as possible, a film designed to be as horribly offensive to everyone as possible in the hopes it crosses the line enough times you’ll laugh. These are films I admire for their edgy, stupid, confrontational style; they will not appeal to everyone, and that’s fine, because while they are certainly laughing at your expense they’re laughing at everyone else’s expense as well.

This film is very similar, except that it’s only laughing at you. You, the viewer, are the punchline of this movie and it spends its plodding runtime hammering that in and telling you over and over how much of a stupid fucking idiot you are. The film is half the most banal courtroom drama you’ve ever seen, one where they do nothing but recap the first film, and half a terrible jukebox musical where the songs are just there to be there and are poorly sung. All of it is built around picking apart the first film and repeatedly hammering in that you’re stupid for liking Joker, the original film and the character. Now this isn’t an idea wholly devoid of merit, especially because of the wild misaimed fandom of the character, but Todd Phillips lacks the intelligence and maturity to tackle something as profound as that. He is truly a shallow filmmaker, unable to grasp these deeper ideas and so settling into surface-level style to distract you from how awful the screenplay is.

Genuinely, the worst part of all this is the incredibly tasteless moment where Joker is implied to be raped by prison guards, something that crushes his spirit and removes all his desire to be Joker (something he spent this whole film up to this point getting back to, despite the whole first film covering the same plot beats). There is so much wrong with this, so much that needs to be unpacked. Did he not realize the sort of messages this sends? Did Phillips really not think through the implications of Joker being cured of his Jokerness by being sexually assaulted? Considering his numerous crimes and the fact that he’s the fucking Joker, is this not implying in a way that perhaps the ends justified the means here? Honestly, I’m putting more thought into this than Phillips put into the whole movie. He just wanted to say “screw the audience” without finding ways to make it fun, engaging, or entertaining.

People are going to look back on this film in a few years and try and convince you it’s good. Don’t listen to them. It isn’t. This is a fucking disaster of a movie, and you are genuinely better off just watching the first film again; if you’re dead set on watching this, hit yourself on the head with a hammer while watching the first one and you’ll get just about the same basic effect. Any film that wastes Lady Gaga this badly is a crime against nature.

[lokiondisneyplus]

You might have done a little happy dance upon learning that Ke Huy Quan — who first left his mark on Hollywood in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom as Short Round and most recently won an Academy Award for his role in Everything, Everywhere All At Once — was joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Well, when Quan found out an invitation for him to join the MCU was being extended he had to pull over to the side of the road because he was getting teary-eyed and couldn’t see. 

“I’ve been a fan of the Marvel Universe for a long, long time, and I always fantasized about joining the MCU family but that was only a fantasy that I didn’t think it would ever come true, it was a distant dream of mine.” Quan explained. “I watched Loki season 1 on Disney Plus and I thought it was one of the most creative and just best-looking cinematography, costume, production design; everything was just top notch. It was one of the most creative shows that I’ve ever seen in a long, long time.”

After his role in the Oscar-winning Everything, Everywhere All At Once caught the attention of Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige, he reached out to Quan with an offer. 

“One day my agent told me, ‘Kevin Feige is going to give you a call from Marvel Studios’, and he told me between a certain time, between 5 and 7, and I was so nervous but at the same time I was also very, very excited. I remember I was in a meeting at that time, and I told the person I was having the meeting with, ‘I’m so sorry, but at 4:50 I’m going to have to leave,’ but I didn’t tell them why, so I set my alarm clock at 4:50. And when it rang, I got out of there, expecting this important call from Mr. Kevin Feige. I was just driving home and all of a sudden, my phone rang, and I picked it up, and on the other end I heard this voice, hello, hi, I’m Kevin Feige, hello Ke.”

On the phone, Feige praised Quan’s performance, which tugged on his heartstrings so much he couldn’t contain his emotions. 

“I started getting teary eyed and I was driving, and I couldn’t see. And I had to pull off to the side of the road and we’re talking, and then he said, would you like to join the MCU family? I was ecstatic, I was so happy and to get that call from him meant the world to me.”

Quan now joins the MCU in the second season of Marvel Studios’ Loki playing Ouroboros — or O.B. for short. He works, all alone, in the very bottom basement of the Time Variance Authority, but “he’s super happy with his job, he doesn’t sleep, and he works 24/7.” 

It might be intimidating joining the ranks alongside long-time Marvel star Tom Hiddleston and his on-screen best friend, Owen Wilson’s Mobius. But Quan fit right in. 

“He's a dream, I can't imagine anyone else playing this role,” Executive Producer Kevin Wright explains. “What you see on camera is what we get behind the camera. He slotted right into this team, which is already a fantastic ensemble. He's just a beautiful, inspiring person to work with.”

Wright notes that what Hiddleston and Wilson created with Loki and Mobius is “beloved,” and adding a third person might make for a third-wheel situation. But not with Quan. Quan, “came in with his own kind of unique aspect to that trio. It was just honestly being true to himself, being true to the character. He just adds this extra ingredient that wasn't there before. There's almost this whimsy. He just felt like a natural part of the team.”

It might have been a seamless fit, but that doesn’t mean Quan didn’t come prepared with a ton of questions about his character and the world of the TVA. 

“In the beginning I was quite nervous because it’s such a well-written character and I wanted to do it justice,” he continues. “I had a lot of creative meetings with our producers and with our directors. I would sit down, and I would ask them all these kinds of questions because I wanted to give justice to this wonderfully created character by our writer and producer.”

Looking back, Quan calls the whole process memorable, adding, “Every day I walk on set in a great mood and that’s how I finish the day as well. Every single person — the cast and the crew, has made this journey so memorable.”

And as for where he fits into the larger MCU? Quan’s already passed the first test of not talking about spoilers — not even asking about them. 

“I’m only familiar with what Loki Season 2 is about but I don’t want to know too much,” He jokes. “I want to be like a fan and discover it just the way everybody else does.”

Editor’s note: The following interview was conducted before the SAG-AFTRA strike began on July 14, 2023.