#the main reason i remember this so well. is because my teacher read it wrong at one point

[bogkeep]

i'm thinking back on the short stories we had to write in middle school, both in norwegian and english classes. at the time, writing was like my Main Passion, my internet hangout spot was a writing website for teens which also happens to be the foundation for my norwegian social circle even to this day, and i was vaguely pursuing a dream of becoming a Child Author, so basically i was always doing really well at the short stories and would always get either top grade (6) or close to it (5+).

what always confounded me was that whenever i wrote something i personally considered profound, where i ventured into Genre and dabbled with Metaphors and Themes and Deep Thoughts and felt like i had written something new and original, i would get the 5+. i mean, i can't complain, that's a really good grade! (and admittedly, one of my english stories was this really weird meandering and philosophical character study that was probably a little too bizarre interpretation of the prompt to give top grade. but the teacher DID deduct grammar points for referring to an unspecified/theoretical person as "one" instead of "he" - i didn't know about singular they yet and neither did my teacher apparently - and i have never agreed with that haha.)

what made this annoying was that whenever i wrote the most trite, cliché narratives about teens running away from home or standing up to bullies, THAT'S when i got the 6. honestly, it still annoys me. Have The Teachers No Taste! anyway one of those stories was just a fictionalized version of a real thing that happened to me some years prior, where i had accidentally hurt my only friend and we were on the outs for like, several weeks and it was basically the only time in my entire life (even to this day!) i had ever felt really and truly lonely. i'm sure drawing on my actual feelings and experiences made the short story good for what it was, because the teacher asked if she could read it out loud to the class. the class my friend who would Recognize the (both painful and very embarassing) experience was also in. AND I SAID YES FOR SOME REASON (enjoying positive attention, pride in my craft, and not caring what people thought of me). head in my hands. i forgive myself because i was a teenager but i sure made some Choices

[fictionfixations]

OH MY GOD GUYS I GOT THE ANAKT GARDEN SET AHHHHHHHHHH

warning for major alnst spoilers ofc

I KEEP TAKING PHOTOS THE WRONG WAY AROUND 😭😭😭😭

okay im gonna summarize information

you get these id cards the main peeps of them their birthday blood type number signature fingerprint who their guardian is (i cant tell the difference between them on the card it looks the same to me but idk maybe its alien language)

and it also says what dorm theyre from

mizi till ivan and sua are in buru flower rooms although different ones

(all in buru flower room. sua is in x, till is in c, mizi is a, ivan is d)

meanwhile luka and hyuna are in different rooms which makes me believe its by like year(s) and based on when they graduate from anakt garden or something like that? i forget

according to an interview (of sua and ivan) they're from the 50th anakt garden class

hyuna is chala flower room a, and shes also the only one without a signature

interestingly enough luka is the only one without a letter after the room which i think is because of how im pretty sure hes like a clone or something? like like made and there were many others of 'him' that were made until they found the perfect him to use? im like 70% sure his guardian has also implied it or something in one of the interviews? i think it mightve been regarding either the top three or before luka vs till

i use a translator app and go through it and then (usually) mainly share ones about ivan (as hes my favorite) and include other interesting stuff that doesnt have to relate to him

also there will be some things i just dont mention

well ive only done it once and for like the art book lmfao but yEAH

i keep forgetting which page i read it from so this time im gonna write this post while looking through it to make it easier for me haha

skimming through it though i do see some stuff i think they've posted on the twitter and patreon before though i DO remember there was this one that was blurry and i think i saw it in full here

be warned translations may not always be 100% accurate cause for some reason i take a CLEAR photo of the text and then i take another but zoomed in to more specific parts of the text and it changes the translation so im just sat here like what why does having more context make it worse sob

(future me here what do you mean i can only translate 50 images a day 😭 maybe its my bad for taking so many pictures of the same part but sometimes it translates differently when i zoom into specific parts that make more sense so on parts im confused on i do that a lot)

also in the previous post i tried rephrasing it a lot but at this point its really not gonna work with this

Mizi (1) Her guardian sent a 'lullaby tape' and 'deep sea mood lamp' to help her sleep. She called it 'Shine' or something? I can't be 100% sure but she whined to a teacher about missing it and thus that was sent over.

Mizi/Sua (2) Sua helps Mizi study, and sometimes reads to her, and everytime she does it, "I feel she creates an unknown world for me."

Sua/Mizi (1) Sua was shy and didn't laugh much when entering Anakt Garden, but after meeting Mizi, she laughed a lot.

Sua (2) Children in the Anakt Garden have become more interested in the opposite sex. There are rumors among the children that there is "a tree that can succeed if you confess". Sua seems to be popular with boys as she often goes under the tree.

Sua & Ivan (3) Sua was chosen as an Outstanding Child alongside Ivan in Anakt Garden, an honorable title given to a child who sets an example for others every year. The two will be interviewed and included in ALIEN STAGE MAGAZINE VOL.2.

Sua (4) Recently, Sua's been practicing hard enough to stop crying(?). When asked why, Sua said, "I have to practice more because it's my dream to be on stage with Mizi."

😭i cant tell if its a mistranslation or if its a 'i know the truth about alnst so i want to practice not crying while on stage with her' or something

Till & Ivan (1) Today, Till fought with a new kid named Ivan. He is an aggressive child, so he needs regular education at home. Fortunately, Ivan has generously forgiven him, but I will do my best to prevent this from happening next time.

Till & Ivan (2) Till's theoretical grades have improved a lot! Practical tests are always perfect, but theories have always been weak. In particular, his grades in Religion and Music, which were his most vulnerable, have risen markedly. Is it because some kid has provoked Till recently? He's very competitive, so when he has an opponent he wants to win, he burns!

It's not stated but y'know I'd think it'd be Ivan 💀.

Ivan (1) Ivan is significantly less talkative than other children. He may have a slower language development than other children because he's adapting to a sudden change in environment.

Ivan (2) For an art class on the theme of "The Most Memorable Moment of Life", Ivan painted a sky full of shooting stars on the paper. Each star was drawn carefully, and his concentration was so focused it was like he was being sucked into the paper.

For that I'll refer to the scene back in Round 3 and my post on the artbook where it explained more on Ivan's thoughts and how the shooting stars meant to him it was

(10) in the slums, when being held over like the edge due to the anger of a dealer, he faced the fear of death at such a young age that it stuck with him, that death was always near him. the shooting stars that then appeared stayed with him unconsciously (the translation it gives me is “the ecstasy faced with death took place intensely in Ivan’s deep unconsciousness.”)

Ivan (3) He often observes his facial expressions in the pond before going to school in the morning. I feel the one translated on the patreon (free) has better translations but it only shows a few not all and I remember reading this one as one of the ones included.

Ivan (4) Although Ivan is mature for his age, he is the most childlike when he is with Till. (they fight a lot)

Hyuna (1) Hyuna is a child with gentle charisma. She has a high sense of responsibility, so she takes the lead as class president and takes the initiative in all activities. She does not hesitate to do good deeds, such as actively approaching children who do not fit in well with the Anakt Garden activities, and she is a role model for all children.

Hyuna (2) Hyuna, who loves singing, always sings in front of the children during compulsory playtime. Yesterday, she stood at the base of a tree and sang "Anakt's Lullaby" in an impromptu arrangement, and Hyuna's changed lullaby was popular at "Anakt Garden" for a while.

I've heard people theorize that Wiege is that lullaby.

Hyuna & Luka (3) Luka was hiding in a tree and looking at Hyuna, as if he wanted to play hide and seek with her. Hyuna saw Luka and invited him to play with her.

I usually format it based on whose referred to first but I actually cut off a part of it and its about how Hyuna is popular and then it mentions Luka and then I have no idea what's being said I'm using two different translator apps and they both don't make sense. Perhaps the idea is something like, 'the lonely child Luka, who also excels at Anakt Garden, even memorized her name.'

The translations it gives me call him an only kid, the best in Anakt Garden, and then continues with ", Is Hyuna" or "memorized her name" so above is my best guess tbh 😭 Reasoning? Since idk what they meant by only kid, since it mentioned in the beginning how Hyuna was popular, then if I compare then he was probably lonely (there is also art of him by a tree alone staring at Hyuna who is surrounded by many others), he was also good at his studies and so was Hyuna, and I added even to emphasize that ah Luka didn't really interact with people but Hyuna ended up catching his attention (thus he was staring at her).

Luka (1) Luka always practices until late at night. If there's even a singular thing he can't solve he immediately asks the teacher a question.

Luka (2) Luka won first place in the Anakt Garden singing contest! The children were moved to tears when they heard Luka's crying. The crying sound is clear and sweet, and moves the hearts of those who listen to it. There is a jinx that if you win first place in the Anakt Garden singing contest, you will win Alien Stage, and our teachers are expecting that Luka will win Alien Stage. It is so exciting to imagine Luka growing up day by day.

if I recall Hyuna was second

ooh thats scary the art. dude i didnt even realize there was someone behind him.. its luka whose holding up like a paper and theres two large hands on his shoulders and theres a person in black behind him but theyre so big you cant even see them just their arms and torso wtf 😭

Luka (3)

Luka complained of persistent headaches and hyperventilation during the night.

Physical examination results show abnormal blood flow and lack of oxygen in the body. There is a high possibility of congenital heart disease.

Luka's voice change begins. Intensive care is required to prevent damage to his crying(?) voice. Tea and nutritional supplements that are good for voice will be included in his diet.

one translation is 'crying voice' and the other just translates voice as crying

😭😭😭😭😭

also i cant be 100% sure the translation is right calling it congenital heart disease idk korean and the apps can be inaccurate so take it with a grain of salt

Luka (4) The end-of-month evaluation grades have dropped by 10 points compared to the previous month. Although it is a small drop, in order to prevent this, we plan to select excellent teachers from the Anakt Garden and provide intensive management. We also request periodic discipline at home to prevent Luka from being distracted.

i kind of hate luka but dude this is really making me feel bad for him holy shit 😭 wtf

now its i think graduating from anakt garden and writing messages to people um its a lot of text so idk how im gonna tackle this

MIZI

(two attempts at writing 'Mizi' are crossed out) Hello Mizi, (crossed out) Hello Mizi! You sing really well! If there is an angel, wouldn't it be right here? (crossed out)

I prepared a song for you (crossed out)

Thank you for giving me a recorder when I was little.

It's my only treasure (crossed out)

It's really sad that you're already graduating from Anakt Garden.

Actually, we could have become friends at any time, but I just didn't have time. (crossed out)

How are you. Hi. -Till- ---

What kind of place is the ocean?! I want to go play later too~~! ー????? IDK WHO THIS IS google registers it as jp characters and i think thats wrong so..ー

---

My dream, to Mizi Mizi the jellyfish girl (??) The day we were lying in the Anakt Garden meadow and looking at the stars together You became my dream. Is that why? The time I spent with you felt so precious to me. I have a lot of things I want to say. I feel complicated. (crossed out) I don't know what kind of world will unfold if I leave Anakt Garden, but I hope you will always live as green and free as the sea of summer. I believe this is Sua as there's a part mentioned earlier where Sua and Mizi liked watching the stars together and would sometimes fall asleep there instead of going back to their dorms (i did not mention this earlier thats my bad)

---

Mizi! It seems like you are a child who really loves singing. I am glad I was able to enter Anakt Garden with you and listen to your songs! I hope you will be successful after you graduate! -????-

the characters of the name are not even registered google keeps thinking its the letter m

---

You're so cute because you're quirky and lively! -?????-

---

Thank you for always greeting me brightly every morning. Thanks to your bright energy, Anakt Garden life (?) I think it was fun. Good luck for the preliminary round, and see you on stage. -Ivan-

(at good luck he said 'cheer up' or '힘내' which has like a lot of meaning to it and can be like 'hang in there' and is something Till taught him to do and I think he also said it to Till in an interview I think before their round happened, i just used good luck cause its easier to understand and cheer up in english doesnt have as much impact without that context)

yeah here and there was also the comic by what i meant him like learning it from till

---

.....i have to do this three more times........... hahahahaha hang in there me ....today i learned if you hold the button that takes a picture it will suddenly take multiple pictures of the exact same thing. 💀

---

♥️ SUA ♥️ MIZI (there are multiple hearts drawn over the page and MIZI is written next to SUA with a heart)

(mizi says a lot and as its handwriting its hard for the translation apps to decipher it from the image so bare with me for any errors)

Hello Sua! How are you? Did you know I would say that?? I can't believe you're already graduating, from Anakt Garden. Now that I'm asked to write something like this, I don't know what to write… If I had known this would happen, I would have taken the writing class harder! Then I could tell you everything I wanted to say!! Craft (this is scribbled out) Well I'll put all my memories in this letter ♥️ A moment I was thankful for Sua ♥️

Thank you for secretly eating cherry tomatoes for me when I was a kid and hated vegetables. Thanks for taking my prank well!

Now that I think about it, I think I played a lot. Thank you for helping me with my homework every day. Thank you for always listening to my worries Thank you for handing me a handkerchief when I was crying Thank you for silently comforting me when I failed my test

Thank you for always singing with me Thank you for appearing in my life I'll stop talking here, because we're always together! My dream. Sua, I love you!! -Mizi who loves you so so much-

GUYS IM GONNA CRY

---

I actually still like you. Even though you rejected me, can you think about it one more time? -???? no idea who this is-

dude can you read the room her girlfriend literally took over more than half the page 😭😭😭😭

---

I don't usually say this, but your voice is nice. I hope you do well in Alien Stage. -Till-

---

As an Oustanding Child, alongside you, I'm glad I was able to put my name on the list. I'm sorry we didn't talk much. You've always been an excellent kid, even (maybe 'when you're at') at Alien Stage(?? I can't tell) You'll get a good result. -Ivan-

---

IVAN

Hi! Ivan! I'm Mizi! You're handsome like a prince, you sing well, you study well… Why are you so perfect?! And Sua too… Are there only perfect kids around me!? By the way, I saw your stage costumes were all black a while ago, but I think you look better in white than black! How about wearing white on stage? I'm looking forward to a great performance! -Mizi-

NOT HIM DYING IN WHITE THOUGH. you know what. i bet. i bet he thought huh maybe till will think i look good in white. and then he wore white. AND THEN HE DIED

---

I don't know what to write because I don't remember talking. Take care. Bye. -Sua-

DAMN. girl you know on his stats in the art book he sees you as like a sister right 😭😭 (who am i kidding ive seen your stats too)

---

By the way, when is your birthday? I've never seen you have a birthday party. -just expect me not to include names of anyone not from main cast because I won't be able to tell if it's a mistranslation-

I just envied you so much. That's why I wanted to get close to you. -???-

Actually, I liked you, but we never talked to each other. Take care, goodbye -???-

---

Were you the one who stole the pencil back then? -Till-

😭😭😭 i think theres a note somewhere i dont think i read it in this one but in a previous alnst post about ivan stealing tills things and then returning them because he wanted praise or something

i cant recall if the pencil thing is related to him or if it mightve been related to mizi since sometimes the translation app gets pronouns wrong but i think there was a mention of a stolen pencil and it being returned to someone in here i just dont remember what page. dammit.

---

You are so perfect that it's hard to approach you.

-???-

---

TILL

Hi! Till! You're so good at singing and composing The lyrics and composition are so (she crossed out a word that looks similar to something she then says but I can't tell what it is) I'm so, so jealous of you for doing so well!! I often think of the song you sang at the Anakt Garden Song Contest Come to think of it, you got your ears pierced not too long ago, it looks really good on you! The guitar looked unique on the stage Are you taking it with you? For this performance I'm really looking forward to seeing your performance~!! Way to go! -Mizi-

---

When we were young, we fought a lot without thinking, but now that I'm older, I think I can be a better friend than you think. It seems like separation comes too quickly. I knew it wasn't useful, but I felt a little more intense with you. (crossed out) I hope you remember me. -Ivan-

---

I still remember you getting dizzy and falling over while headbanging at the Anakt Garden singing contest. It was really funny… -???-

---

I'm sure you're talented

-Acorn-

WAIT ACORN??

wait you can see part of the graduation messages on the patreon OH YEAH that was where i read the part of sua's and there was just this whole part blurred out (mizi to sua)

you know what im gonna ignore messages from anyone not of the main cast at this point idk why i did it for so long 😭

wait shit i forgot what i havent translated now 😭

---

Take care. See you on stage. -Sua-

---

IM DONE

OKAY

NO MORE

😭

[kingslionheart]

📝(story from your childhood), 📺 (top 5 tv shows; ooops, I saw that you didn’t like make list too late, just name the one you like the most!), 🚀 (where do you wanna visit), 📚 (career goal) and 📅 (favourite time of the year)! (I hope this amount of emojis isn’t overwhelming, xoxo)

LMAO HI THAT'S A FUNNY AMOUNT, I LOVE IT THANK YOUU xx

📝 - story from your childhood

i have no idea how funny this would be in english compared to my native language, but YEAH I WILL TELL IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT'S MY FAVOURITE.

in fourth grade we had to do an essay on our grandmas, i have only had one so i chose her immediately. my grandma is a sicilian woman who moved to northern italy in her 30s to work in a factory. one of her favourite things to do was giving nicknames to people, she loved it immensely and mine was a diminutive of my name.

at least when i was little i thought it was just a diminutive of my name.

so very innocently i wrote on my fourth grade essay, with a very pretty handwriting too, that my grandma always called me "minchiolina".

"minchiolina" is indeed a diminutive though not of the name "michela", but of the word "minchia" which is sicilian for "dick", so i very charmingly wrote that my grandma always called me "little dick".

i still don't know how my teacher reacted to that, but i do remember how hard my grandma laughed when i made her read the essay and that's a memory i keep very close to my heart

📺 - top 5 tv shows

AHAHAHAAHHA DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!! my favourite is the last kingdom (predictable of me) but let me tell you that i still don't know if i seriously find it absolutely amazing/perfect because it is or because i spent most of my life watching shows from the cw and therefore my bar is low MFHSJHSHSHA

🚀 - where do you wanna visit

SCOTLAND. i don't know why but it is just so pretty, i thought it was just for edinburgh but it is seriously the whole of scotland, i wanna visit it all i can't

📚 - career goal

i actually have two BUT THEY ARE CONNECTED IN WEIRD WAYS!!

the first and main one is becoming a screenwriter, i have been wanting to do that since i was a child and it's a passion that i just can't get rid off and that i don't want to give up on. i recently started to try to write plays too, but i'm finding the approach to that a bit difficult so i still need to get used to it as well, but it's absolutely interesting and i love it. the genre i prefer to write in though is period drama so to be accurate i decided to study history. YEAH. THAT'S THE MAIN REASON WHY I STUDY HISTORY. do not get me wrong i do love history, but it also works well for my main career goal.

so the second career goal i have is to become a historian and at first i thought that it wouldn't have been the best option ever and it would have been difficult, but seeing that all my professors in uni were able to achieve that has given me so much hope that perhaps i could too so i keep both paths open!!

📅 - favourite time of the year

AUTUMN. i love the colours of it and there's always so much rain, i just love it. it is the season of the soul as they say and it warms my heart so much, BUT ALSO i really like winter but mostly for the christmas vibes which always put me in a good mood and i need that a lot!!

[darkfictionjude]

How come?! In my school days, there was the "popular" (likable) girl trio 💀, I am from LATAM thou.

I was part of big schools that have all the grades, from kindergarten to the last year of high school. In my first school, I didn't interact with them, but they were all really cool and chill, I don't know if it's because I was young and short, but for me, they were tall too and part of the school band (we Don't have cheers in school here, just in college, so the band was the coolest kids in my young mind), they were know because of the band, close relationships with the teachers and helping around in the school's events, if I don't remember wrong, one of them was the granddaughter or "grandniece" of the school owner.

I changed school in the last year of "primary school" ( here is the 5th grade), so I remember the birth and death of the girl trio more vividly(?) (Read: when they graduated). There was the passage of 3 trios until I got in high school. Just one of these tried to be the mean girls trio, but this made them lose popularity quickly. This trio was of the "rich parents" category and, sadly, had really poor emotional education. They acted so superior, like the school was theirs, at the beginning not so much, but when people began to fawn them, they began showing their personality. I knew them more cause one of my close friends dated one of these girls for some time (4 months, broke up cause he was childish for her, like: girl he's almost 3 years younger, his height doesn't mean he is mature 💀). They were so impolite with the school cleaners and helpers, too, i have a lot of icky just remembering. The reason the trio "lost their girl trio crown" was that one of them got suspended for screaming with one of the cleaners, parents didn't like the school attitude and transferred her. The other girls became very quiet after this, so I don't remember what happened with them.

My grade/high school time girl trio were just social butterflies and artistic talented, two sang really well and the other knew to play violin, and did ballet and swimming (i know that cause i was in swimming class too, i was not a stalker T T). They won first place in every cultural fair they participated in, so they were know in school cause of this, if not by name by face. They were conventional latina and afro-latina pretty, nice and polite in general. Basically, cute extroverted besties that didn't stop in a place for so long, and whenever they passed, people "swarmed" them with greetings and small talk. I felt drained just watching T T

In conclusion, I want to express that in my experience, there was the girl trio in high school, be it likable one or an infamous one. Usually, not the mean girls in the movies, just extroverted and helpful girls. I asked more cause the town feels small, so high school "society" would have been even smaller, and having two more trusted friends that she walked around would make some sense, not like Queen George herself but something less dramatic/grandiose(?). Thank you for answering ♡

Talking about high school, has anyone already asked about the main cast's parents' high school years? If not, I would love to know if it's not spoilery

Nonnie while I do like hearing stories I really didn’t need that entire background 💀 it was personal info that is best suited to say to me in my personal blog as it had not much to do with the story but your own personal high school experience 💜

No one asks much because the parents are tertiary characters so I think it’s only logical there’s not much info asked about them here. I can’t say much about mc’s parents. Or Nia’s mother. Imre’s father came to town in grade 9, he was on the football team and his mother was president of the student council. Lorcan’s dad dropped out of high school in 10th grade and his mom dropped out soon after getting pregnant with Lorcan

[suelenlasquevski]

"The Idea of Being Seen"

I think it was in September 2022 that I read something about the fanfic "The Idea of You" being in production for the cinema. I wasn't surprised by this, as adapting this category of stories to film is a safe bet. After all, you can't hope for a more niche target and safer audience than that.

What struck me the most was learning that Anne Hathaway was not only starring in the movie but also involved in the production. And the Anne factor was the main reason why I gave this movie a chance a few weeks ago. I am very eclectic when it comes to music; however, I can be extremely picky when it comes to books, especially the ones that make it to the silver screen.

Although I think it is amazing that someone feels such a strong connection with an artist (or even well-known books) to the point of letting their imagination go loose enough to come up with creations of their own, I have this concept that, most of the time, art derived from infatuation for artists or characters tends to have weak plotlines. Since, most of the time, these types of fan art are not interested in telling a story; their goal is to make a fantasy come alive. Usually, the characters are poorly written: there is no emotional depth, there are no psychological traits that explain why they act the way they do. There is only the need to reach the climax: the scene where the ripped guy takes off his shirt because he is soaking wet from the rain that conveniently poured while he was on the way to the girl's house.

Don't get me wrong. I know that there is a big difference between this type of movie and porn. Usually, in fanfics, the "take off the wet shirt" scene comes right before the guy realizes, while he contemplates the emptiness of his life, that he is in love with this girl and he has to see her immediately to tell her about his feelings. They may or may not have sex after it, but this urge to run for the person the hunky character has feelings for and physically express their feelings is what is driving the wheels of the narrative. And right after this peak is reached, there is nothing left to do but to stall for a few more scenes, where usually the bad guys are punished for their actions and the side characters appear one last time before vanishing from the narrative. So, why the hell did Anne Hathaway get involved in a fanfic?

A smile always comes to my face when I think of her. I still remember the first time that I watched her in the movies. The messed-up hair girl who found out that she was the heir to the throne of Genovia. As years went by, Anne's roles in the movies evolved, and she tried on different genres: musicals, action, dramas. My absolute favorite being "One Day". The Emma Morley in me resonated with her interpretation of the British teacher turned-writer, who was forever in love with her best friend. I felt like I owed it to Anne. I had to understand why she decided to seal this movie. And I did.

If you look from the outside, at first glance, the premise of the movie revolves around the cliche of an older woman finding herself involved with a much younger guy. But there are certain nuances in the narrative that made me think about the underlined message of "The Idea of You" and maybe why the story was appealing to Anne.

To make my point, let's just ignore the fact that the character Hayes Campbell is heavily inspired by Harry Styles. That minor detail alone explains why anyone would buy the "take off the wet t-shirt and jump into bed with him" at any sight of a micro opportunity. The truth must be told.

Now, wearing the 40-year-old woman's shoes, which fit me perfectly since, just like Anne, I am also 41 years old, from the comfy gray couch I was watching the movie, I felt SEEN!

At every stage of our human existence, it is implied by society that certain milestones must be reached: college graduation, a steady committed relationship that leads to marriage and probably children, acquiring a house, a car, and making sacrifices to build a successful career. Not all people reach these targets, not all people arrive at these stages in the order I listed them, nor is it mandatory to check all these boxes to find fulfillment in life. However, even though we are a species with the capacity of being aware of our thoughts, we are constantly bombarded with subliminal messages that program us to function in an auto-pilot mode that leads us along this path. And although it is the same road, its traffic conditions can be quite different for men and women.

Who never heard that a certain man "is just like wine, gets better with time." Silver hair makes a man charming, but a woman sloppy. Being a man with high career goals is praised, while trying for that promotion in a law firm when you are a woman might be considered greed. Add a layer of selfishness if she chooses to prioritize her career and not have kids. And God forbid if she doesn't want to get married. What a bitch!

Life is not a video game; however, it is also made of levels, and we might fail and stumble on incredibly challenging obstacles before moving to the next one. Sometimes, we advance to the next phase and forget that the game is still on, and we must keep playing; otherwise, we might find ourselves back into a stage we thought we had overcome. Quite often, we stand still in a comfortable yet, borderline boredom place, and we stay there because we don't know the rules of what might come next.

Anne Hathaway's Solene had advanced and then went back a few levels in her game of life. She had a college graduation, a marriage, a house, a kid, and a job, but the stability that comes along with the doubtful feeling that you are winning the game also brought infidelity and divorce. Now back to the level of finding herself single, Solene had no choice but to focus on what remained from the previous experience: her daughter, her house, her job. And although it seemed that she was willing to play the game of dating again, she was not expecting that someone would deal the love card.

And it was not the usual someone that we are programmed to expect her to choose. It was not the guy who was also divorced with kids. Nor the 40-something serial dater who can't commit. It was someone who, although we are in 2024, might still be considered a "taboo," but only if you are a woman: it was a YOUNGER guy.

Being a member of a boy band was another part of the cliche, and I get it. Hot, rich, and famous equal appeal. But these adjectives only added an extra flavor to the excitement and the butterflies that normally come with infatuation. They were also necessary to "justify" the twists and turns of the narrative: trying to conceal a relationship from the media, the reaction of angry fans, and the jealousy that being happy may cause.

The audacity of a woman in her forties giving herself another chance and breaking free from societal expectations is the film's true conflict. Solene’s journey isn’t just about falling in love with a younger man; it’s about rediscovering herself and reclaiming her desires, regardless of age

The film subtly critiques the double standards women face and highlights the courage it takes to live authentically in a world that constantly tries to confine them to predefined roles.

Watching Solene navigate her feelings and societal judgment was a refreshing experience. It served as a reminder that life doesn’t have to be linear, and personal growth doesn’t cease at a certain age. Anne Hathaway’s portrayal brought depth to Solene’s character, making her struggles and triumphs relatable. The movie underscores that it’s never too late to pursue happiness and that love can come from the most unexpected places, challenging the notion that women over forty should settle for less.

The nuanced narrative of "The Idea of You" goes beyond the clichés of an older woman-younger man romance. It delves into the complexities of self-acceptance and the courage to defy societal norms. Solene’s relationship with Hayes, though unconventional, becomes a vehicle for exploring broader themes of empowerment and self-worth. It’s about a woman reclaiming her narrative and choosing what fulfills her, rather than what’s expected of her.

Anne Hathaway’s involvement in the project, both as an actress and a producer, adds a layer of authenticity and significance to the film. Her choice to back this story underscores the importance of diverse narratives in mainstream media, especially those that resonate with women navigating midlife. Hathaway’s Solene is not just a character; she is a representation of many women who dare to redefine their lives and pursue their passions unapologetically.

"The Idea of You" is more than just a romantic drama; it is a story of self-discovery, resilience, and breaking free from societal constraints. It resonated with me because it mirrored the reality of many women striving to find their own paths amidst societal pressures. The film serves as a powerful reminder that every woman’s journey is unique and that embracing one's truth can lead to the most fulfilling chapters of life.

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A Ideia de Ser Vista

Acho que foi em setembro de 2022 que li algo sobre a fanfic "The Idea of You" estar em produção para o cinema. Isso não me surpreendeu, pois adaptar essa categoria de histórias para o cinema é uma aposta segura. Afinal, você não pode esperar por um público-alvo mais específico e seguro do que esse.

O que mais me chamou a atenção foi saber que Anne Hathaway não apenas estrelaria o filme, mas também estava envolvida na produção. E o fator Anne foi a principal razão pela qual dei uma chance a esse filme algumas semanas atrás. Sou muito eclética quando se trata de música, no entanto, posso ser extremamente exigente quando se trata de livros, especialmente os que chegam às telas de cinema.

Embora eu ache incrível que alguém sinta uma conexão tão forte com um artista (ou mesmo com livros bem conhecidos) a ponto de permitir que sua imaginação se solte o suficiente para criar suas próprias criações, tenho esse conceito de que, na maioria das vezes, a arte derivada do encantamento por artistas ou personagens tende a ter enredos fracos, já que, na maioria das vezes, esse tipo de fanart não está interessado em contar uma história: seu objetivo é fazer uma fantasia ganhar vida. Normalmente, os personagens são mal escritos: não há profundidade emocional, não há traços psicológicos que expliquem por que agem da maneira como agem. Há apenas a necessidade de alcançar o clímax: a cena em que o cara rasgado tira a camisa porque está encharcado pela chuva que convenientemente caiu enquanto ele estava a caminho da casa da garota.

Não me entenda mal. Sei que há uma grande diferença entre esse tipo de filme e pornografia. Normalmente, nas fanfics, a cena "tirar a camisa molhada" vem logo antes de o cara perceber, enquanto contempla o vazio de sua vida, que está apaixonado por essa garota e precisa vê-la imediatamente para contar a ela sobre seus sentimentos. Eles podem ou não fazer sexo depois, mas esse desejo de correr atrás da pessoa por quem o personagem bonitão tem sentimentos e expressar fisicamente seus sentimentos é o que move as engrenagens da narrativa. E logo após esse clímax ser atingido, não resta mais nada a fazer além de esperar por algumas cenas extras, onde normalmente os vilões são punidos por suas ações e os personagens secundários aparecem pela última vez antes de desaparecerem da narrativa. Então, por que diabos Anne Hathaway se envolveu em uma fanfic?

Um sorriso sempre aparece no meu rosto quando penso nela. Ainda me lembro da primeira vez que a vi nos filmes. A garota de cabelos bagunçados que descobriu que era a herdeira do trono de Genovia. Com o passar dos anos, os papéis de Anne nos filmes evoluíram e ela experimentou diferentes gêneros: musicais, ação, dramas. Meu favorito absoluto sendo "Um Dia". A Emma Morley em mim ressoou com sua interpretação da professora britânica transformada em escritora, que estava sempre apaixonada por seu melhor amigo. Senti que devia isso a Anne. Eu tinha que entender por que ela decidiu cancelar esse filme. E eu entendi.

Se olharmos de fora, à primeira vista, a premissa do filme gira em torno do clichê de uma mulher mais velha se envolvendo com um cara muito mais jovem. Mas há certos nuances na narrativa que me fizeram pensar na mensagem subjacente de "The Idea of You" e talvez por que a história tenha sido atraente para Anne.

Para fazer meu ponto, vamos apenas ignorar o fato de que o personagem Hayes Campbell é fortemente inspirado em Harry Styles. Apenas esse pequeno detalhe explica por que qualquer pessoa compraria o "tirar a camisa molhada e pular na cama com ele" a qualquer sinal de uma micro oportunidade. A verdade precisa ser dita.

Agora, calçando os sapatos de uma mulher de 40 anos, que se encaixam perfeitamente em mim, já que, assim como Anne, também tenho 41 anos, do confortável sofá cinza onde assistia ao filme, eu me senti VISTA!

Em cada estágio de nossa existência humana, é subentendido pela sociedade que certos marcos devem ser alcançados: formatura na faculdade, um relacionamento comprometido e estável que leva ao casamento e provavelmente a filhos, adquirir uma casa, um carro e fazer sacrifícios para construir uma carreira bem-sucedida. Nem todas as pessoas alcançam essas metas, nem todas as pessoas chegam a esses estágios na ordem que eu listei, nem é obrigatório marcar todas essas caixas para encontrar realização na vida. No entanto, mesmo sendo uma espécie com a capacidade de estar ciente de nossos pensamentos, estamos constantemente bombardeados com mensagens subliminares que nos programam para funcionar em um modo de piloto automático que nos leva por esse caminho. E embora seja a mesma estrada, as condições de tráfego podem ser bastante diferentes para homens e mulheres.

Quem nunca ouviu que um certo homem "é como vinho, melhora com o tempo". Cabelos prateados fazem um homem charmoso, mas uma mulher desleixada. Ser um homem com grandes objetivos de carreira é elogiado, enquanto tentar aquela promoção em um escritório de advocacia quando se é mulher pode ser considerado ganância. Adicione uma camada de egoísmo se ela optar por priorizar sua carreira e não ter filhos. E Deus nos livre se ela não quiser se casar. Que vadia!

A vida não é um videogame, no entanto, também é feita de níveis e podemos falhar e tropeçar em obstáculos incrivelmente desafiadores antes de avançar para o próximo. Às vezes, avançamos para a próxima fase e esquecemos que o jogo ainda está em andamento e que devemos continuar jogando, caso contrário, podemos nos encontrar de volta a um estágio que pensávamos ter superado. Muitas vezes, ficamos parados em um lugar confortável, porém, entediante, e permanecemos lá porque não conhecemos as regras do que pode vir a seguir.

Solène, de Anne Hathaway, avançou e depois retrocedeu alguns níveis em seu jogo da vida. Ela teve uma graduação universitária, um casamento, uma casa, um filho e um emprego, mas a estabilidade que vem junto com a sensação duvidosa de que está ganhando o jogo também trouxe infidelidade e divórcio. Agora de volta ao nível de se encontrar solteira, Solène não teve escolha senão se concentrar no que restou da experiência anterior: sua filha, sua casa, seu emprego. E embora parecesse que ela estava disposta a jogar o jogo do namoro novamente, ela não esperava que alguém jogasse a carta do amor.

E não foi o alguém comum que esperávamos que ela escolhesse. Não era o cara que também era divorciado com filhos. Nem o quarentão que não consegue se comprometer. Foi alguém que, embora estejamos em 2024, ainda pode ser considerado um "tabu", mas apenas se você for mulher: era um CARA MAIS JOVEM.

Ser membro de uma boy band era outra parte do clichê e eu entendo. Quente, rico e famoso equivale a apelo. Mas esses adjetivos apenas adicionaram um sabor extra à empolgação e às borboletas que normalmente vêm com a paixão. Eles também eram necessários para "justificar" as reviravoltas da narrativa: tentar esconder um relacionamento da mídia, a reação dos fãs raivosos e o ciúme que ser feliz pode causar.

A audácia de uma mulher na casa dos quarenta anos se dar outra chance e se libertar das expectativas sociais é o verdadeiro conflito do filme. A jornada de Solène não se trata apenas de se apaixonar por um homem mais jovem; trata-se de redescobrir a si mesma e reivindicar seus desejos, independentemente da idade. O filme critica sutilmente os duplos padrões que as mulheres enfrentam e destaca a coragem necessária para viver autenticamente em um mundo que constantemente tenta confiná-las a papéis predefinidos.

Ver Solène navegar por seus sentimentos e pelo julgamento da sociedade foi uma experiência refrescante. Serviu como um lembrete de que a vida não precisa ser linear e que o crescimento pessoal não cessa em uma certa idade. A interpretação de Anne Hathaway trouxe profundidade ao personagem de Solène, tornando suas lutas e triunfos relacionáveis. O filme enfatiza que nunca é tarde demais para buscar a felicidade e que o amor pode vir dos lugares mais inesperados, desafiando a noção de que mulheres com mais de quarenta anos deveriam se contentar com menos.

A narrativa sutil de "The Idea of You" vai além dos clichês de um romance entre uma mulher mais velha e um homem mais jovem. Explora as complexidades da autoaceitação e a coragem de desafiar as normas sociais. O relacionamento de Solène com Hayes, embora não convencional, torna-se um veículo para explorar temas mais amplos de empoderamento e autoestima. Trata-se de uma mulher reivindicando sua narrativa e escolhendo o que a realiza, em vez do que é esperado dela.

O envolvimento de Anne Hathaway no projeto, tanto como atriz quanto como produtora, acrescenta uma camada de autenticidade e significado ao filme. Sua escolha de apoiar essa história destaca a importância de narrativas diversas na mídia mainstream, especialmente aquelas que ressoam com mulheres que navegam pela meia-idade. Solène de Hathaway não é apenas um personagem; ela é uma representação de muitas mulheres que ousam redefinir suas vidas e perseguir suas paixões sem desculpas.

"The Idea of You" é mais do que apenas um drama romântico; é uma história de autodescoberta, resiliência e libertação das restrições sociais. Ressoou comigo porque espelhou a realidade de muitas mulheres lutando para encontrar seus próprios caminhos em meio às pressões sociais. O filme serve como um poderoso lembrete de que a jornada de cada mulher é única e que abraçar sua verdade pode levar aos capítulos mais gratificantes da vida.

[boba-beom]

Angel 💕,

I am sending this to you so late I’m so sorry 😞

I love that! I think it’s totally understandable to have something outside of your irl. Aww I love how you got into writing and tumblr I’m so glad you did!!! 🥺🥺

As for me ever since I can remember I was a reader I loved reading. My mom told me I loved telling stories when I was little like really really little (I am a talker and have always been hehe) the first time I got into reading was in first grade. I remember I got picked on by a teacher for not being able to read Greek very well and I would pause every few words. I was the only foreigner in the class so it was easy to get picked on lol. I remember going back home and telling my mom to go to a store that had books and I got lots of books so I can practice. I practiced really hard. Unfortunately I grew up as the child that moved schools a lot so from kindergarten to the 3rd grade I moved schools 4 times. When my family moved to the states I was in that same cycle of not knowing how to read. Remember sitting in my fourth grade class and being scared I would get picked on. But it was different people in my class helped me and didn’t make fun of me or bully me for not knowing how to read English. I think I recently mentioned how my 6th grade English teacher is the main reason I read so much today. I remember being in her class and always getting a new book to read. During 6th grade is when I stumbled upon wattpad…I am not proud of myself for reading stuff I wasn’t supposed to😩😞 I had no one to tell me what I was doing was wrong. I remember being so obsessed with wattpad the first story I ever read on there was the Lavery twins (IF ANYONE KNOWS IT I LOVE YOU). That was tame when I got into hs I started reading more and more filthy books. I remember my first ever creative assignment I had to do for ap lit I loved it so much. Being able to create something out of my imagination really touched something in me. At one point of my hs career I wanted to become a journalist lol. I think reading and getting to escape our reality for a while is something that relaxes me and I enjoy a lot.

How I got to tumblr…I first created tumblr back in 2017 for my exo fan account 😭 but didn’t know how to use it so I left it and came back in 2021. I came mainly for txt fics it was the same time I came across the fic hub and I joined it. The person I got inspiration from and made me actually wanna write my first fic was actually…you! Like I said you’ve been by my side through thick and thin and I can never thank you enough. I love writing and I love reading ive just taken a break from both in the last few weeks. But yeah that was a lot I’m so sorry 😩😩😩

Hi Angel!! It’s so cute how you found other Filipino moas on tumblr 🥺💕 The way you all found out because of yeonjun as well 🙈🙈🙈 Funny story after you told me today that you found other Filipino moas I got curious so I was like let me see if I can find any of my people as moas 😩 none I searched up on tumblr and Twitter and nothing came up so I replaced moas with kpop and found a few accounts that commented and I was like I FOUND MY PEOPLE….the latest comment was from 2021. I bet you were so excited 🥳🤭

my reply under the cut <3

aw angie :< that must've been difficult being on the move a lot esp when you were younger but I'm so glad your classmates helped you read english! I remember being on wattpad not for long because I lost touch with my kpop stan side from high-school to early college, and then uni got me back into it again bc I wanted to keep reading txt stuff.

omg wait :<< I'm super honoured that I inspired you enough to start writing, I remember actually talking you through just before you did, and then you did it!! I can certainly tell that you enjoy writing and that your imagination goes beyond you, so I'm honestly grateful you shared your story <3 may you find more inspiration to continue doing what you do bby, always gonna here to support you and help you out >3<

alsooo, yes! there's more filo moas than I thought! they're like hidden gems hehe, what were the chances a couple of them are my moots! 🤭 aw love, I'm sure regardless, all moas are lovely! it's just a little exciting when you find your people hehe

[vvatchword]

I'm Gonna Die Mad about It

So: I finished Stephen King's It.

This book was nearly "perfect" with a capital "P." So fucking close!! I cannot begin to explain to you how pretty the prose was, how well-written and unique the book is on a technical level, how neatly the research and symbolism and theming all fit, the Grade-A characterization and setting.

Just one element holds this book back: his treatment of women is fucking dire. Just the worst thing you've ever seen. If he were a shitty writer, you could just chalk it up to him being shitty, but--like I've said in a previous post--his second-rate treatment is obvious precisely because of his god-tier skill.

Spoilers follow.

Women Are Cardstock

I have been reading this book in chunks over the past six months to a year--I don't even remember when I started, now--and for a while I took my time because I enjoyed it so damn much. On two occasions, I had to put it down for a few weeks because I got so fucking mad. Beverly and Audra are treated like sexual objects over and over and over, which is a big deal because Beverly is our major female character and Audra is as close as we get to a second.

Oh, actually: there's another major female character. You just didn't realize it. The monster It was female, and part of the story involves the main characters curb-stomping her eggs before they can hatch and escape.

There's nothing wrong with It being female. In fact, thematically speaking, this fits. There's just one problem, and it demands just a little explanation: you know how most Stephen King stories have two-dimensional characters, usually in villain roles? They're just nasty for the sake of being nasty, and they do horrible over-the-top things to other people, and we get to clap when they die in horrible ways. Some good examples would be Henry Bowers and some of his friends.

Well, King doesn't do this to just any character. Most of his characters are well-rounded, and even minor characters feel like someone you might meet on the street. Frankly, I enjoy his villains. It is definitely an acknowledgment that every now and then you get an awful human being, and it's enjoyable from an entertainment standpoint.

In a story that is absolutely filled to the brim with supporting characters, most are male, all with a variety of roles, jobs, personalities, and so on. But absolutely every single female character is reducible to a two-note role. Beverly and Audra are two-note good because they're sexually available and pretty; Mrs. Kaspbrak is two-note bad because of her comical ugliness (read: you don't want to fuck her) and behavior and is as close as we get to a fourth major female character. The other reoccuring female characters are so minor that they are essentially two-note themselves. Women fill very limited roles, perform very limited tasks, and are mostly notable in stereotypical ways--Mother, Grandparent, Wife, Nurse, Teacher, Clerk, Waitress, Sexual Assault Victim--all the way up to the monster, who is Itself a two-note Evil.

Looking in the Mirror

Sometimes, when a book has an obvious flaw, it's just a small comment on the author, and you can go on. It's not really worth talking about because the Yikes isn't always foundational. But Its sexism is astoundingly foundational. It's downright thematic. Women are represented as wellsprings and sexual, almost magical in Bev's case. Don't do that, jesus christ. A "good" stereotype is just as bad as a bad one. You shouldn't reduce Native people to "noble savages," you shouldn't reduce Chinese people to "always savants," you don't do "magical heart of the family" women. Part of equity is recognizing that people can be bad and complicated. ALL people.

A good example would be the underage sex scene. Now, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be--only King could have fucking pulled this off without making me throw the book across the room--but I am also going to say: the reason he wrote it was extremely suspect. See, it was clear he had a hard-on for Beverly as a character--constantly noting her sexuality both as an adult and as a prepubescent, which went to skin-crawling levels--and he wanted her to be fucked. Oh, god, he needed her fucked so so bad.

Now, the ending of the childhood arc could have ended with the children cutting their palms and holding hands. This would have satisfied his need for a symbolic illustration of the Circle, the joining of the wheel, the coupling of the links, and, I guess, the exchange of fluids. But, true to form, he wanted something with a bit more pizzazz--most specifically, to show the death of childhood. Now, I'm not sure how else to do it--and it's certainly possible that sex could have played a role--but he did NOT need Bev to fuck everybody. It was transparently clear that he wanted everybody to fuck her for other reasons, and I must stress: she was a fucking child, and would be one for some time afterward.

I feel like I could go on for about ten paragraphs about the meta of a book--why authors choose the characters, subjects, problems, symbols, and contexts that they do--and when those choices become transparent and reveal the magician behind the curtain. See, there are moments where It becomes more about the author than the story being told. That's the gross factor, not the fact that underage sex occurs. It doesn't mean that authors can't write about underage sex or unfaithful spouses or kids being motherfuckers or use those elements symbolically. I mean, those things absolutely happen, and harsh truths are some of King's calling cards, and I am grateful to him for that. What is gross is an adult getting a hard-on for a baby and wanting that baby to get fucked.

Why Fucking?

As we all know, fucking is not in and of itself a sign of childhood's end. Why couldn't Bev's period be just as symbolic, for example? Well, we can't use that, because boys don't have periods, so how else do we show that everyone has stepped up out of their old roles into new ones, preferably simultaneously and directly after their first encounter with It?

I'd argue that the act of leaving childhood is a number of life experiences that put the Fear of God into you, and that you really only hit adulthood sometime in your 30s, and some people never hit it at all--due to anything from limitations of intellect and dogma to the cushion of wealth. I'd argue that trying to illustrate it by sex is extremely simplistic and even a bit insulting. I mean, you've never seen dumbass teens flying after that forbidden fruit? Do you ever think, "Yeah, that sure isn't a child! That highly unstable horny motherfucker right over there."

First of all: King used this as a way to show the kids stepping over the boundary from childhood to teenhood. To which I say, as a lifelong asexual: lol. But I guess that's 80s America for you. Sex was a bigger deal back then.

Secondly, he used this to show the Losers as binding to each other--joining the circle, in essence. Okay, then why didn't all of the characters fuck each other regardless of sex? This would have been as equally symbolic of the joining, if not MORE so, because the Losers' linkage should have been about the union of EVERY MEMBER, not of everyone unifying to fuck the same person. Why was Beverly's fuckhole more sanctified than, say, Bill's? Or P in V more noble than a handjob?

Here's where we see that double standard in action: Beverly was an object to be fucked and romantically desired, but the male characters were fully-fledged beings whose sexuality was one part of several parts. She was only there to fulfill them. They were not inherently sexually desirable--only she was. They are certainly spoken of sexually in the book, but these descriptions tend to be obvious, clinical signs of puberty for the most part. They're treated respectfully, in short.

(Notable, too, that Mike Hanlon and Stan Uris--as the other token minorities in the group--get more explanations of and respect for their backgrounds than Bev does. If you don't think I'm taking this lesson to heart...)

Thirdly, it's a sign of how 80s-era King saw sex and women: as symbols of life, with the act of procreation in the face of death and destruction. That's not necessarily incorrect, but it can be taken to a regressive place, and he went there. I'm just gonna say that the death of the only obvious gay character in the book becomes a little more interesting with this reveal.

This also makes It more interesting as a character: It reproduces asexually. I suppose it is also possible that it can't create anything of its own--perhaps It consumes children to create its own? Regardless, this implies that the act of fucking itself is something more than the act. Now, by the end of the book, King defines the true life drive as "desire"... not sure I followed him there, but then again I did read the book over an enormous period of time and probably missed a lot of connecting tissue. I'll have to come back to this.

I'm Coming Back to This

As mad as Its stances on sexuality and women made me... this book is incredibly fucking good. I already want to read it again. King is a master of the craft. Not many people can do this shit. The very act of intertwining the childhood parts with the adult part, which could have been clumsy or terrible in anyone else's hands, works perfectly here. His prose is beautiful and there are lots of wonderful lines. He fully develops every character and setting. I want my own copy to scribble in.

My favorite part was when King brought each adult characters' fears to life. Up to this point, I may have been a little, uh... well, I may have laughed a few times. King has this one stylistic fetish where he gets gratuitously gross and there's a point where it's not scary, it's just kinda stupid. It's the equivalent of an 8-year-old boy with his sleeves folded over his hands coming up to you and slapping a frog into your open hand. Like, yep, honey, that's a frog. Put it back.

So while there were a couple of monsters that definitely gave me chills, for the most part I was like, "Ohhhh are there worms in his mouth now, Stephen? Are you gonna talk about exposed intestines now, Stephen? Is the head leaning halfway off the neck with an eyeball hanging out, Stephen? Hurrrrr that's not how bodies work hurrrrr"

Needless to say, because I wasn't scared, I was basically doing that thing where I was thinking: "Well, if I saw this monster in quite this way, I would have done this or this or this."

But with the appearance of one of Its final forms, it clicked. I got it. And I was able to extrapolate from the fear a character felt to some fears in my own life. It was remarkably powerful. Its appearance was perfect in that moment, and a lot of the book slotted into place for me. I was able to look at my own fear in the face--realize what shape It would take in adulthood.

That right there is the magic of literature, lemme tell you. I had a healing moment last night.

I highly recommend giving It a read.

As for me, I'm about to read a LOT more classic King. Stick around to hear me huff and puff about Carrie or something, idk

[dxintysblog]

Hi all! Sorry for the long post, it is worth the read. If anyone feels crazy or overlooked or they feel that something is wrong with them. Please read it. Advocate for yourself and your happiness.

I haven’t been here in a while and I just need to vent.

I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. I grew up dancing and in that environment, a young girls body is the main topic of discussion. I was always the chubby kid, I wasn’t stick thin. I had muscle and curves and an ass and I grew boobs early. My mom started putting me on diets as soon as I started puberty. She did these things because, she too, fought her weight her entire life - my entire life. I think she wanted better for me, and she also used me as her support and reasoning. And like clockwork, she fell off the diet train, pulling me with her. I started heavily restricting. But I could never lose those extra pound that would make me enough by her or my dance teachers.

All these things carried on into my late teenage years. I was sneaking food behind her back and eating pints of icecream and sonic burgers and family sized bags of chips. I hated myself for it, but I craved it. This is about the time I got on birth control.

Now as a young adult, 18-19, my mental health was at an all time low. I don’t remember my first year of college(not because of partying. I hardly left my room) I was so incredibly depressed and lost. I met my now husband and fell in love with him. But I was bouncing between restricting so heavily and binge eating.

Now at 22. I’ve married the love of my life, my mom has died and took my animosity in our relationship with her, I have worked so hard on bettering my self and continuing to fight for my education. And I’ve been steadily gaining weight. I’ve been fighting my cravings and working out, my husband has been a tremendous help in cooking meals at home. He has transformed his body. He lost over 70 LBS and is gaining serious muscle. He is becoming so much more confident in his appearance (granted he has always been incredibly handsome. All while I have been gaining and gaining and gaining.

I mentioned birth control earlier, I spoke to the doctor at my hospital and every year I hate the same complaints. Every year his answer was the same “lose weight and that will help.�� He gave me no resources, no referrals, no blood panels, nothing to help me get the proper information that I would need.

When I turned 21, I went to get my first well-woman’s exam (pap smear), and I had a woman NP do the exam on me. I brought up my concerns and my families health issues that bring the concern. She immediately ordered a blood panel. She listened to me and made me feel heard. Thankfully, the panel was normal. But this only pushed the feelings that something else was wrong and I felt crazier.

My first thought was because of my birth control. Maybe thats the issue. So I got off the pill and got an IUD. 4 months later, no change. In my last check up, I finally broke down in tears to my OBGYN. listing off the inability to lose weight. The acne. The thick, black hair that grows on my face and stomach - that I tweeze and wax SERIOUSLY. The fatigue and insomnia combo (which is super fun to be exhausted but I can’t sleep). The irritation. The stress. The absolute hate I have because something is wrong, I know I’m fat, I know I need to fix that. BUT NOTHING WORKS. I cried that I needed help.

The woman sat and listened to every word I said. She made me feel comfortable. Before she examined me, she said she would look over my last blood panel to see what she missed. She looked up a health and weight loss clinic that would help me.

I was formally diagnosed with PCOS. (Polycystic Ovarien Syndrome)

I am not crazy. I am not unhealthy due to my past. It is not completely my fault for my problems. If I didn’t put my foot down and say these things to someone I felt would listen to me, I would still feel this way.

Something was wrong with me and now I can fix it. And I feel like I have some control over my life again.

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

Seeing those posts about wanting to do MHA rewrites gets me to admit that I want to do my own take as well at some point! But I came to ask about something else.

There’s another writing project that I have been wanting to do for a while now. It involves the Izuku Solo Arc, namely a rewrite of Class 1-A vs Izuku.

I HATE it. I HAAAATE it SOOOO much. A lot of it has already been covered here on previous posts on the blog, so I won’t waste time listing them all (plus I already covered some of it on a post I made long ago).

In short, I want to write it to where only some of Class 1-A go and meet with Izuku, they talk, and it ends to where Izuku doesn’t go back to UA, but instead continues to go solo, only this time, he’s getting support not only from his classmates, but UA, the other hero schools and pro heroes.

The main thing I am so hesitant on is getting Izuku’s reasoning and mindset right. Perhaps I am reading too much or misreading it all together, but it feels like the issues with Midoriya are simple and yet a lot of them about were thrown at me all at once and I have no idea what the main source of his issues are. And seeing how the narrative during that arc twist it so that he looks like he’s in the wrong and the godsend Bakugo’s in the right of course, I can’t find myself to trust the story as a reliable narrator for what Midoriya’s problems are. If that makes sense.

And seeing how you have given good ideas to others on their stories, I would like your opinion or idea on how to approach it and what the main issue of Izuku is. Because that way, I can focus more on who will be in the team that goes out to find him, and who can say what to help Midoriya. I want him to gain the closure he deserves and the knowledge and support of the people that care and treasure him. I want that feeling he had when Uraraka stood up to him at UA. I have a few other candidates depending on the awnser , but Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki are definites. And if I come across as too all over the place, please tell me and I’ll try again.

(And to anyone reading this, if you have ideas you think would help, please share! I want to do this and Midoriya JUSTICE).

It’s actually pretty funny you bring this up cause I was recently thinking about this too and how I wanted this arc to play out in my own rewrite 😂.

So first off, I 100% agree with you. The reunion was done so poorly and I absolutely hated it.

Second, let me discuss his motives for a second. Izuku leaves U.A to draw AFO away from his friends and family. AFO wants his quirk and he knows this. He knows AFO will stop at nothing to get his wish and Izuku is willing to leave everyone and everything he knows and loves behind because he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Let’s also remember the fact Izuku’s a teenager, a teenager who is fearing for his life, but more importantly, the life of his friends. He saw Katsuki get skewered and “die”, he saw his other classmates damaged and wounded. He saw/heard that several pro heroes die, including Midnight, a teacher he most likely had class with. He doesn’t want anyone else to die again, and he knows that he’ll either have to stop AFO himself or he’ll have to disappear. He ends up doing the latter, vanishing from his old life with no support and being used as bait to attract AFO. This is a mentally scared child who, overcome with his emotions, has made a decision that is poorly thought out yet rational at the same time. He sees that AFO is after him, knows that AFO has no mercy, and decides that he’ll lead him on a wild goose chase away from everyone he cares about. However, he being the hero that he is, still is willing to go out anyone he sees needs it, something that the villains in this arc take advantage of. Also, keep in mind that the horrors don’t end for Izuku. He watches Lady Nagant get blown up, is physically and mentally exhausted (not having slept for like three days), and finds himself powerless against a villain who’s using civilians as puppets.

So why is all of this relevant? Izuku knows what AFO is willing to do, he sees the types of people he’s employed, and from everything he’s been told about AFO, the man will do far worse. Secondly, AFO is not only stockpiled numerous quirks in his (120+ year) lifetime, but can steal quirks, making him quite literally a counter to everyone who isn’t an OFA user. With one touch he can yoink someone’s quirk. Izuku knows this. Sure, 1-A’s filled with many promising individuals with amazing quirks and talent, but that’s not enough to fight against a man who’s got the strength of All Might, more intellect than Nezu, and more versatility than all of 1-A combined. Izuku also knows that his class is his age and has also been exposed to almost the same horrors he has. These are teenagers who still have a lot to learn and still have many years ahead of them. The same can be said for Izuku obviously but he’s willing to sacrifice his own life to save others, so he’s not taking these two things into consideration. He’s just thinking to himself “I don’t want my friends to continue facing these things because I’m around. The best way to protect them is to leave”.

Finally, let’s talk about Katsuki’s speech. He thinks Izuku’s looking down on him and the entire class because they can’t compete with OFA, which is is completely false… partly. Yes, Izuku says they’ll die, but remember that AFO can freely yoink any of their quirks and render them quirkless, and seeing as 1-A possess almost no weapons, protection, and aren’t like Batman and Iron Man, it’s safe to say they’ll be sitting ducks if that happens. At least Izuku’s quirk won’t get stolen, so he can definitely slug around with AFO and is best equipped to deal with him. He’s not looking down on them, he’s being realistic. Hori tries to frame this as growth for Katsuki but fails as he forgets his MC’s reasoning. Katsuki looks down on people because they’re weaker than him and considers himself the best. That’s it. Izuku isn’t looking down on anyone here, rather he’s being realistic and is trying to save his classmates from having to undergo further harm. Katsuki‘s motives are selfish. Izuku’s motives are pure, based on information he’s learned and events he has witnessed.

We then get to the battle and we see that Izuku is 100% correct. Many pro-heroes die and have their quirks stolen by AFO. His classmates suffer grievous wounds in battles which have amounted to nothing (Katsuki “dying” without even making a dent against Tomura, Kyouka losing an earphone jack against AFO in a battle that was really just AFO toying with them (and included the current Number 1 hero), and Shoto and Dabi’s fight also having gone nowhere (with Dabi even fleeing the scene to fight Endeavor). U.A’s whole plan hinged on Izuku being where Tomura was, and you know what happened? He was separated and the entire plan went to shit. Everything Izuku was afraid might happen DID happen. Now, that’s not to say that Izuku going alone would’ve produced better results. He’d most likely get tag teamed by Tomura and AFO and he and whatever pro heroes followed him would get wrecked. However it would save his classmates from having to witness the horrors of AFO once more, which was his goal to begin with.

Izuku’s plan hinged on being separate from everyone and to lure AFO away. Obviously it was a half-baked plan, but Izuku was hoping to keep the destruction away from others and perhaps even trap AFO in a situation where Izuku can call on some pro-heroes to ambush him. However, this left him without his support system. The only people he could even come close to relying on were the pros monitoring him, and to be honest, they did jack shit. They didn’t give him a place to rest, they didn’t aid in his battles, and they hardly monitored him in the first place. Without a solid support system, he couldn’t rest. What he needs is someone who’ll help convince him to allow them to carry some of his burden. However, he also needs someone who will listen to him. The huge problem I had with 1-A’s confrontation is that they only had one goal in mind and they mindlessly ignored Izuku’s concerns or reasoning. Katsuki completely undermines and belittles him once more and his classmates don’t take the time to try to understand him. Yes, it’s a large battle, but one that wouldn’t have started if they took some time to talk. Instead, they came ready to fight, even having some sort of chair they were going to handcuff him to. That’s not really the behavior I’d be receptive to if I’m exhausted and scared for my life. Now, obviously Izuku will still be hesitant at first and it’ll take him a lot of convincing to make him feel even slightly comfortable with some of his classmates tagging along, but the key thing here is that they have to listen to Izuku, understand where he’s coming from, and allow him to make the choices, including what he feels best would take down AFO, while also making sure they keep him grounded (like voicing any disagreements they may have and offer solutions, etc.). This is a tough time for Izuku and he’s hell bent on doing this on his own, and it’s up to his classmates to not only aid him, but offer him the support he needs. U.A was a disaster specially BECAUSE no one listened to him.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

Death to All Might, Rebirth to Yagi Toshinori

So about All Might. I’ve been extremely wary of talking about what could happen to him because straight up saying “I don’t think he’s gonna die” is asking the universe to spite me. Plus it also feels like a room full of people turning to stare at me as if I said the Sun isn’t a star. Man has death flags everywhere, I know. 

But, okay, *Bill Nye voice* consider the following:

Mr. Yagi here, if he overheard everything, just received the final nail in the coffin on his career. His time as the symbol of peace is not only over, it was in fact partially responsible for the current state of things, since he once did so much on his own that his absence now makes heroes and civilians alike ill-prepared to cope. I think it was very apt for that one guy to be wearing an All Might shirt--he was acting as a mouthpiece for the latent societal problems embedded in All Might’s legacy. 

We know already that he’s been feeling useless. I love this scene and although I’m not gonna talk about it right this second, remember what Aizawa says about just “being here” being enough:

And we know from conversations with Inko that Toshinori is also reframed his purpose around looking after Izuku. But in the end, Izuku rejected his help, and it was his classmates instead who were able to save him. Now the very progress of humanity is rejecting him too. You may me wondering how on Earth I don’t see the logical conclusion of all this being his death. Hold on. It actually has a lot to do with the fact that we’re all expecting it. Nighteye himself saw it, and despite any contrary convictions anyone might have, the plot doesn’t seem to be veering away from that end. All Might Is Gonna Die, says absolutely everything. 

It’s occurring to me that I have previous experience with this kind of plotline that probably little to no one else in this fandom shares, being that I’ve read a certain book series in which the main character is told in no uncertain terms that he will die (no, I’m not talking about hp). The series in question is T*e Und*rland Chronicl*s (censoring so it doesn’t get put in their side of tumblr) and I’m sorry but I’m about to go on a shameless tangent about it and spoil the ending for you.

So in this series there is a prophecy in every book, each one having something to do with war and conflict, and so far all of them have been right. In the last book [mc] finds out that it’s prophesied that he will be killed. Lots of the things in the prophecies are convoluted and metaphorical, but no, this one literally says “when the [mc’s title] has been killed.” He spends the whole book coming to terms with this, and he gives into it, only to find himself waking up in the hospital instead. “Wow, plot twist. /s” you may be thinking, and yeah sure, the mc in a kids book survived, big shocker. But it doesn't end there. After the war, there are peace talks, but they escalate until the two sides are on the verge of declaring war again. And [mc], bless him, has just been caught in the middle of all of this the entire time. He’s sick as shit of fighting, of watching the suffering and death of people he cares about. He draws his sword against both of them angrily, gives a speech saying he won’t take a side, and then promptly breaks his sword across his knee: “There. [mc’s title in the prophecies] is dead. I killed him.” He’s giving a huge middle finger to everyone there, to the man who wrote the prophecies, to the entire fucked up culture of it all. And so something that was taken literally turns out to be metaphorical. That is, if you still believe in the prophecies at all.

Hopefully you’re catching my drift here. What I’m saying is, even though this other series has nothing to do with bnha, it goes to show sometimes it’s the most absolute certainties that are red herrings, and a “death” can consequently be a symbolic one. In All Might’s case, it could be the death of hero society and a rejection of his own past. In other words, character development for Toshinori himself that reflects on the way the world is changing, too. Also there’s the fact that the mc from that other series I’m trying not to name has an honorary title, and I’m imagining that role he occupied “dying” could correspond to something that amounts to, “All Might is dead. I (Yagi Toshinori) killed him.” 

And here’s another thing: we also have to ask ourselves what good a dead Toshinori is to Izuku, narratively speaking. Yes, Izuku has spent his whole life idolizing even the more toxic parts of All Might, and his idealized vision of his hero does need to “die.” But how about Toshinori as a father figure?  Izuku regretting that his last interaction with Toshinori was to reject his help may drive home the fact that he shouldn’t go off on his own, but at this point it’s kinda redundant. If anything it would negate some of the progress that was just made because it’d make him extra paranoid about losing other people too. To be honest, the whole “Uncle Ben” trope, the mentor/father figure who dies and gives the mc a reason to do better, is so tired. Experiencing the death of a loved one really doesn’t deserve to be romanticized like that. I might as well admit that I’m speaking from experience, and let me tell you, losing someone you love suddenly, when you weren’t around, and with unfinished business--it makes you paranoid as hell that it will happen again. It literally gives me nightmares. Y’all, I cannot stress enough that trauma does not equal character development. Granted, just because I know this doesn’t mean Horikoshi does, but in general he does seem to lead his characters toward healing.

Okay, back to the present. Toshinori is turning away from UA. He likely feels useless and rejected. We can infer that what happens next will involve Stain, and we have a couple of extra clues to go with it: Stain considers All Might a true hero, and has stated that he would let All Might kill him. And since Horikoshi loves his parallels, we also have this fight between Endeavor and this random villain who admires him so much that he wants to die by Endeavor’s hand:

This suggests a confrontation in which Stain challenges All Might to live up to himself as he once was, so that as a hero he can vanquish Stain and symbolically overcome society's perversion of that role. But based on what All Might has learned about the system he upheld, Stain is wrong. All Might is not a “true hero” in the sense that the societal issues Stain witnessed exist not in spite of All Might, but (in part) because of him, because he took too much of the responsibility for himself.

Stain probably had no idea about the personal cost of All Might’s lonely burden until after the fact. Maybe he’s seeing it now. So then perhaps the confrontation would be more about Stain claiming he’s just as fake as the rest. Either way, Toshinori has the opportunity to denounce himself and be rid of “All Might,”  to stop living in his own shadow. Nighteye’s vision has been defied before, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the combination of society shifting + Toshinori’s own conviction is enough to do it again and work fate in his favor.

He is not All Might. He is Yagi Toshinori: quirkless, worn down, and directionless except for his dedication to Izuku. If he survives his interaction with Stain, he can resolve his imperfect mentorship by confessing about his shortcomings and simply supporting Izuku as a part of his family, not as his teacher (as Aizawa said, just “being there”). And that’s how you really get character development, for both of them. I mean, shit, imagine Toshinori straight up telling Izuku to stop calling him All Might.

[lastwave]

no energy or patience to write a full character study in character with plot. but i will write a lengthy post analyzing seward and his abusive tendencies because my autism rules. and unfortunately to write a good rewrite you have to have a good grasp on ur characters . so! under the read more . i have analyzed him. i break up my analyses in. semi chronological order

1. lucy

so like. seward's secondary motivation (the motivation that is easily pinpointed to keeping the character in the story) is lucy. not just because of his character but also the misogyny around lucy as a character but thats a whole other post. it'd be really easy to end it here and say sewards main motivation throughout the novel is an unrequited love and sense of dedication to her memory. but that leaves him very flat and a lot of his interactions with the main cast unexplained (how he acts with the other male leads, how he treats renfield, the fact even his proposal was so laden with self hate it became a guilt trip).

so then i need to ask. why does he propose to lucy? does he love her? it doesn't seem like it. in his proposal, he doesn't talk about lucy as a person, he talks about what she does for him. that it would make him sad if she turned him down, that he would be the happiest man in the world if she said yes. intentional or not, this isn't a profession of love, its emotional leverage. i mean. imagine if someone proposed to you like that. also keeping in mind that this is in the victorian era, its frankly a dangerous situation to put lucy in. had she not been sure that arthur was going to propose later, she wouldn't really be at liberty to say no, considering how much weight mens perceptions of a woman impacted how everyone in your social circle saw you in victorian high society. seward wouldn't even have to directly do anything, the people around her would deem her cold and uncaring for turning down the nice wealthy man propositioning her. it wouldn't even be a conscious decision on sewards part . point being, for a novel that writes a great example of a loving man in the victorian ages (jonathan), seward doesn't measure up. which leads me to my next point (i didnt even get to mention how he talks about her dead body, gross, but remember that. ok.)

2. authority figures, expectations and self esteem

so again we ask. why is he proposing? well. hes a wealthy, unmarried man nearing his 30s in victorian england. simply put that was seen as fucking weird. people start asking whats wrong with you that so many families turn you away. and seward cares a lot about his image. his image and accolades are half of what he talks about. theres three characters that are higher up the social ladder than seward is. arthur, avh, and renfield* (he gets hid own section). debatably quincey too but to be honest i think he just regards quincey as a curveball of a guy. and theres a lot of subtext implying quinceys an outlaw. again, another post.

easiest to break down is his dynamic with avh. he fawns to avh because to him, he's an authority figure. he's asking for his teacher's input, for approval. really thats what seward wants from avh, approval, that for one reason or another avh can't directly give (amsterdam medical laws had no bearings on wether or not a british citizen could be a doctor. avh is always trying to use lateral thinking exercises to get a message across to seward, that seward keeps missing. he seems used to this. this tidbit will be relevant later.)

secondly, arthur and quincey. lumping them together because their interactions with seward are kinda few and far between. seward fawns to them though, always speaking highly of arthur and quincey (more than enough examples in the text i shouldn't have to cite).

and you have to ask why. again, it goes back to his position in society. it's because he's expected to. you can't criticize someone above you, and it'd be even better to be in their good graces. he makes himself small, palatable to almost everyone we see him come across. its not a conscious decision, but he still does it. and you have to ask why. just like you have to ask why he refuses to take care of himself in his own privacy. just like you have to ask why he pursued medicine, psychology specifically.

that is where my thesis about his entire character comes in.

the fact of the matter is that seward aims to be someone everyone can like, that everyone will be proud of. when he talks about psychology, he doesn't talk about it with any sort of love for the craft itself, but rather the acclaim he could get. he talks about sonography with more love than he does medicine. psychology was in its very infancy, considered the cutting edge of medicine. they were still talking about fucking phrenology. in this pursuit, though, he lost what made him a person that people want to know. how well does any of the main cast know him, really? barring avh, who was there to see this whole development.

he wants to be liked. but he doesn't know the person he wants to like him is himself. hes a black hole.

3. renfield

"but hugh, you said he was an abuser, that doesn't sound like an abuser" that's because anyone can be abuser, especially when given institutional power.

renfield is everything that seward hates. hes smart, hes of good standing, he had friends, and yet and still he is unliked and unwanted by the world around him, and yet he is still assured of his personhood, of what defines him.

this is because renfield is psychotic. and seward is a psychologist. sewards been given the societal "go ahead" to be as shit to renfield as he wants, to exact everything he cant punish himself for onto renfield.

and, for the record, his abuses aren't even standard for the time. so stop using that as a justification lol. private asylums, like the one seward runs, at the time had a rudimentary idea of "don't encourage or argue with the delusion" (hey remember when seward considered encouraging renfields delusions just to see the end result?) and straightjackect confinement (still abuse. by the way.) was limited to a few hours by most guidelines (remember when he left him in a straightjacket for an entire day?)

and it just gets worse when he realizes he has parallels to renfield (both pursuing something unattainable, renfield wants undeath and seward wants to be liked by everyone). he won't hurt himself, so he will hurt renfield, because he can get away with it without hurting the reputation he worked so hard to make.

he cant stand the fact he has anything in common with a psychotic man, and that that psychotic man (who he fundamentally views as lesser.) once had what he never did. and you can only partially blame it on the times, bedlams reform happened nearly two fucking hundred years before the novel takes place. us psychotic people being. yknow. people is not a new idea

abusers arent going to be a caricature of evil. intentional or not, seward is actually a really well written example of an abuser, because abusers are people, and you'll rarely be able to just.. pick them out of a crowd.

[roscgcld]

HEADCANONS + GOJO SATORU || onii-chan

note: this was a few ideas given to me by my beloved 🌸Anon - a bunch of new gojotwins!au headcanons c: this one is a little different compared to my other story, so this is a stand alone one. might turn it into a series if it gets enough love, but we’ll see~ you can read the original ask here!

pronouns: she/her

note: mentions of blood and death and spoilers for volume 8 & 9 of the manga. SUPER LONG by the way lol

gojotwins!au masterlist

twins have always been viewed as a bad omen for the parents - there are high chances of both twins developing no Cursed Technique at all, or have a Cursed Technique that is not desirable. So there had been no hope when one of the wives from the main family of the gojo clan was pregnant, and from what they can tell with twins at that

so it was a huge surprise to not only the elders but the entire jujutsu world when not one, but both of the twins were born with the coveted Six Eyes - something that had never happened in the history of the gojo clan. it was a moment to be celebrated!

if only they knew just what was lies ahead

much to the delight of the elders, the older one of the twins was the boy, satoru, while the girl was born 20 minutes after - it wouldn’t have mattered if it was the other way around, but just having the young boy being the one born first was definitely the icing on the cake

both of you were an absolute headache to deal with, causing so much chaos and mayhem that the elders had wondered if they should have celebrated at the idea of having two Six Eyes users under the same house was a good thing

the both of you trained together throughout your younger years, with satoru becoming super overprotective even though you were twins - he understood from a young age that the both of you were starting at different levels of footing because of your gender

yes, you are a girl - but at 7 years old you had exorcise a Grade-Two Curse by yourself with no more than an annoyed click of your tongue and a snap of your fingers, walking away whilst whining about how it got your favourite dress dirty

with that being said though, he loves to tease you are still the younger one between the both of you, and had teased you about how you should refer to him as ‘onii-chan’ instead of his first name

“come on, Y/N~ it’s a sign of respect~”

“i am going to spend you to outer space one of these days.”

the two of you were already known about the jujutsu world way before you even became old enough to enroll in Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College - you two were even allowed to enter without an interview with the then principal of the school

who would want to waste their time interviewing two highly over qualified teenagers anyway?

the first time you met geto and shoko, they were both intimidated by your sheer presence. the both of them have heard talks about the gojo twins entering their year as a pair

so when they had first met you, standing there in your uniform with your bright blue eyes hiding behind a pair of blacked out sunglasses and an indifferent look on your face - they definitely felt a shiver go through their bodies

however, when they saw your twin brother appearing behind you with the biggest grin, hugging you from behind whilst you scowled and tried to push his head away - they were definitely less intimidated now

“now, now, Y/N-chan, stop being so scary~”

“nii-chan, i am giving you three seconds to let go of me.”

the two of you quite the duo, especially when you two are always pinned against one another with more difficult and more challenging missions compared to when you were under the care of the gojo clan 

geto felt less pressure to match up to his friend, since satoru and Y/N are always at each other’s throat - wanting to outmatch the other and one up the other with silly things like Curse head counts and how difficult its level is

with that being said, satoru is very protective of you - if any so much as speaks poorly of you, he would not hesitate to put them in their place

“oya? what makes you think you can speak of my baby sister like that?” satoru had hummed towards the small group of men, who were commenting on how beautiful the young woman was followed by a lot of unsavoury comments. 

satoru still sported his casual smile, yet there was a certain air around him that made them shut their mouths up real fast. “mind repeating that? just want to make sure that i have a good enough reason to put your lazy asses six feet underground..”

after that specific incident by the way, satoru had you and your friends out on a little excursion around tokyo - where they just did a bunch of stupid things together to calm down

you can read him like the back of a book though, so when both of your friends went away to browse through some shelves in a video game store, you just wrapped your arms around your brother with a smile. “you know, nii-chan, you don’t need to go about protect my honour. i’m a big girl now.”

he’d just blink down at you before giving you a soft but genuine smile, petting the top of your head with one of his hand while the other was resting inside of his pocket. “if i don’t protect you, who am i going to protect?”

that statement was proven during your second year - a cursed user had overpowered you and shoko and had taken the both of you hostage. the curse user had practically beaten you into a pulp, knowing that you were the stronger one between the two

shoko had been tied up and beaten as well, but you were definitely taking the brunt of his anger - along with being forced to listen about how he was going to sell you to some low life family that had been trying to get you to marry their sorry excuse of a son. 

you don’t even remember meeting the father of the boy, who had claimed to visit the gojo clan home a few times now

“you gonna be a good girl for me?” the man had gripped as he gripped your hair in his hands, giving you a smirk whilst you scowled over at him in annoyance, blinking the blood out of your eyes from the wound on the top of your head. 

before you can give another snarky answer in reply that will get you another beating, the sound of someone kicking the door in. before either one of you can move, the man suddenly let go of your hair with a pained gasp as someone grabbed his hair and forced his head back, looking up into a pair of glowing blue eyes

“get your filthy hands off my baby sister.”

geto was in charge of taking care of the both of you, leaving the room with a simple reminder to satoru that they needed to bring the man back alive

both of you spending most of your time trying to unlock the many secrets of the Limitless, and how to control it better

during the entire star plasma vessel fiasco, you had stayed by geto’s side. and while you didn’t manage to save rika from being murdered, you had, like gojo, managed to touch the core of cursed energy

toji had ‘killed you’ before he went after geto, yet like satoru, he did not decapitate your head; so you had slowly started to use the reverse curse technique to heal your wounds

so you couldn’t believe satoru’s belief when he found you using reverse cursed technique to heal geto, wrapping you up in his arms while you just smile and hold him as well

the three of you plus shoko had turned to one another for comfort, because along the way you four have grown close to the young girl, and her death really affected all of you

but if there is something bright that came out from this, is that you and your brother had really elevated yourselves to become the strongest duo of the new generation - both pretty much an entire chest above the current active sorcerers

after satoru had calmed down, he had told you about what toji had said to him before his death - about how he has a son that he had planned to sell of to the zen’ins

the two of you went to visit the young boy, discovering that he had an older sister as well; and without hesitation you had taken the both of them under your wing, pulling a few strings behind the scenes while also trying to provide him with as normal as a life as you two could

megumi had viewed you as a mother figure, someone who looked out for him and tsumiki, teaching the two of them life skills like sewing and cooking, making sure they always have warm meals. 

you never miss their birthdays either - always making sure to get them either a cake or a small cupcake with a candle on the top to blow out just for the sake of tradition

sure, satoru loves to spoil them too, but he acted more like their chilled older brother - he definitely relies on you more as a parental figure he had lacked for quite a huge part of his childhood

he had remembered how once, when you had made him his favourite curry and rice after a long week, he just sighed and said, “thanks mum,” before he started to eat his meal 

at first you froze in shock, and  megumi did too - but before the blushing teen can apologise, you had already wrapped him up in your arms as you just cried your heart out

satoru had teasingly asked him if megumi can call him ‘dad’, to which megumi just scowled and sent his divine dogs after your brother

satoru loves to introduce you two as the ‘strongest duo’ by the way - which makes you super awkward and you hate it with a passion. he wasn’t wrong, but it’s still awkward

“we’re the Gojos - the strongest duo out there.”

“please stop calling us that.”

feel like because you’re there, geto might still be on the path to the light lmao - like mans will be a teacher in school and you three will be dub the ‘idiot trinity’ or some bullshit nickname lol - the three biggest troublemakers in the jujutsu world

yet the three most capable ones as well - absolutely drive the higher ups of the jujutsu world insane

with that being said though - the three of you definitely hashed a plan to change the jujutsu world together. even shoko agrees that there should be some change to the old ways of the jujutsu world; so the four of you decided to sign up to work as teachers at Jujutsu High 

the first group of students you took under your wing was the then first years - maki, toge, panda, and eventually yuta when he joined your little class

you are the mother for the students while geto is the responsible dad; satoru is the crazy uncle that is not allowed to supervise the students alone, and shoko is the cool aunt who lets you skip class in her office if you want

all the students have, at one point, just referred to you as ‘mum’ and you had always just accepted that with a soft smile and a pat on the top of their head

even if they are taller than you, they will willingly bend down to your height so you can pet them on the head - even megumi lets you get away with it

when itadori and nobara came into the picture, you had taken them un as your own as well - but you did spend a good 5 minutes laughing with geto at the idea that yuji manages to control sukuna like he is just an annoying imaginary friend in the back of his head that refuses to shut up

you had tried to give them some form of normality and comforts as teenagers, even if many times they were forced into very uncomfortable situations

all in all - it was utter chaos the moment both you and satoru were born. yet it was a miracle nonetheless. many times you prove to the world that your bond is stronger than people think it is, and that you two will go through anything to make sure the other is safe. 

you are the younger one, but the more responsible one too. the motherly figure that everyone turned to, even your friends and brother, who needs comfort and a warm meal. yet if provoked, you can become deadly and kill with no hesitation. it’s because of this, both you and your brother are considered as quite the deadly duo; the strongest ones around. 

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[moonwize]

Hello! If you're seeing this randomly, this it is a post that will be linked to a Shadow Work related post on my Main Account @daarlingdatura. If you're coming from that post heyy!! this is my side account lol. Since it's such a long breakdown I figured most people probably weren't going to want to read it- though I thought some might benefit from it. So here it is:

ACCOUNTABILITY + SHAME SHADOW WORK RANT?? 12.22.22 ©daarlingdatura

This may not always be well received by some, but in today’s age accountability can seem- overwhelming. We see even innocent mistakes get blown unfairly out of proportion. This is a deeply confusing & in some ways even validating way of doing things. Validating because, if we are hurt we are validated and others will rally behind us- validating also because the older generation's LACK thereof accountability. In fact, the older generations associate accountability with shame- and this is where the dark side of accountability can come into play. It can become a point of ego, of victimhood.

Desiring to always be correct (or in some cases an overwhelming guilt for any small mistake made), this is where we follow in the footsteps of our ancestors. We all remember what it feels like to have our tiniest mistakes highlighted and put under a microscope by our parents, peers, or teachers- meanwhile in a reversed scenario accountability is thrown to the wind. It simply never gets discussed again and YOU are in the wrong for having an issue with THEIR behavior. This is a deeply embedded cycle in most of us, and it is now playing out on a mass scale. NOW, This is not to say I think accountability culture is bad. In fact, people SHOULD be held accountable. It’s important however to do this in a way that is appropriate and well suited to each situation. Nuance is important when dealing with accountability. We tend to want to categorize things into either bad or good. This white & black thinking is detrimental to the learning process of others. When we approach others and shame them for their mistakes & dog-pile them with insults & negativity it takes away from any real lesson being learned. Instead it creates a dynamic where you are now victimizing someone- further validating their OWN lack of accountability while you act like an asshole. It can be easy to want to hop on the bandwagon- to want to join in, because it feels invigorating- your anger is validated. You can project your pain and your traumatic experiences onto this person. I believe that a struggle with accountability can often be linked to a lack of acknowledgement. When someone’s trauma has not been acknowledged- when THEY refuse to acknowledge their own trauma… it becomes a fight. A competition, the goal then is to maintain innocence & to be validated by others in some type of way- OR to invalidate others in order to feel empowered or create a power dynamic in which YOU are in control. We must look at our relationship with vulnerability. I believe that vulnerability is a large part of accountability, this is a huge reason people can struggle to apologize. It can be viewed as a weakness or create a perceived sense of inferiority. It’s important to ask yourself why accountability causes you to feel inferior- why it brings shame, guilt, anger, regret, avoidance, etc… This links all the way back to the way that we can be so hard on ourselves. Feel like the smallest mistakes are our biggest failures, and forget that mistakes pave the pathway to success. We all act like an asshole sometimes, we all get shit wrong sometimes. By accounting from and LEARNING from those experiences we can give ourselves the opportunity to grow as a person and continue climbing the ladder of success. We cannot repeat the same cycle of the older generation, nor can we allow a mirrored overly judgmental approach that lacks in self awareness become the way we handle these things. In order to truly heal from the shame brought upon us by the older generations we must give each other the space to learn and heal. That is not to say we should compromise our boundaries for those who harm us. That is not to say that we cannot be angry, or feel negatively towards those who abuse us. Etc... 



[tiriansjewel]

Another day in the jatp fandom, another controversy. As a preface, this post is really just going to be me saying: everyone needs to fucking relax. I’m tired of people calling other people out using weighty terms for no reason, I’m tired of people harassing others over something as trivial as an actor’s view on social issues, and I’m just tired of people not staying in their own circles. That’s basically a TL;DR for you all.

So, about this blocklist. Let’s get into it, shall we?

First, my main issue with this list (and I think a lot of other people’s) is use of the words “pedophilic tendencies”. I cannot understate how harmful it is to draw a false equivalence between real, actual pedophiles and smut writers on the internet. We must remember: these are fictional characters who happen to be teenagers, not real children who can be victimized. Calling adult smut writers pedophilic trivializes actual pedophilia, child porn, and CSA. When terms are watered down like this, the term begins to lose meaning. It is okay if smut written by adults about teenagers makes you uncomfortable, but it does not make the authors themselves pedophiles. Not even close.

Second, minors write smut just like adults do. The weirdest thing about this post is the fact that other minors were knowingly included on the blocklist (ie, “most writers are adults” according to the post) which suggests that the issue is with smut itself and not with who’s writing it. As I’ve said before, it is perfectly okay if you want to avoid nsfw content (which is why we have tags, by the way), but making a blocklist based solely on explicit content where you use the word pedophilia is really “not the move”, so to speak. Here’s the thing. I’m seventeen years old, which makes me a minor. I’ve written smut for this fandom, I am writing smut currently, and I will continue to write it. To suggest that smut in and of itself is bad is strange to me. Guess what? People have sex. Teenagers have sex. It’s a part of life, and it will be included in stories about people’s lives. And in comparison to other forms of explicit content like pornography, smut is a great way for young teens who are growing into their bodies to explore and learn about sex and sexuality outside of reality in a safe, contained space.

Third, there is a very big difference between adults writing about teenagers who happen to be having sex and adults sexualizing kids through writing. I’ve been around the block a few times in explicit tags, and at least I find I can always tell the difference between these two types of content. I’d also like to say that these adults (many of whom are still in their 20s, btw) were teenagers once and grew into their sexuality just like everyone else; it’s not like they’ve been separated from the experience! As a smut writer myself, rarely do I find myself personally thinking “this is hot”. I’m writing from the perspective of a character who thinks it’s hot! There is nuance and character development and thought to writing smut, yes, even pwp fics. In this section I would also like to address the fact that several of the people on this list are my friends and mutuals in this fandom. They are all lovely people who have their own reasons for writing what they write and their reason is never “ah yes I feel like sexualizing children today”. It is very shitty to make assumptions about people you don’t know and say they have pedophilic tendencies. That’s a weighty and unfounded accusation. And no, as a minor, I have never felt uncomfortable around any of them.

Fourth, many of these writers have written wonderful non-explicit fics as well! It’s a shame to write these authors off entirely because they’ve written smut. You don’t like sex scenes? Great! Exclude E and M ratings when you browse ao3. Also, some of these adult authors write fic where they age the characters up, probably because it’s closer to their own experience and it makes them more comfortable. They are literally doing exactly what you want them to do by not creating content about minors having sex. Also, I’d like to point out that Charlie is 22, Owen is 20, and Jeremy is 24, and the majority of smut is about the boys. I don’t think I should have to explain why it’s okay for other 20 somethings to view them in a sexual context, even if their characters are 17. Regardless, many of the perceived issues with these writers as people and also with their work simply do not exist.

Fifth, the number one rule of fanfiction is don’t like, don’t read. I myself have seen several nsfw fics in the jatp tag that I have cringed at and chosen not to read because of their tags, summaries, pairings, etc. And that’s okay! But never have I sent hate to these authors, called them pedos, or made large callout posts about them. I simply ignore or block the content and go on about my day. I’m not about to “yuck someone’s yum”, as it were, and I’m not going to be the moral police and tell people some type of content is wrong in all circumstances, even if I find it personally disgusting or ethically questionable. People are always going to write whatever they feel compelled to write, and the great thing about the internet is that we all have the space to express ourselves differently. As others have said, fandom is big enough for everyone. Here’s a nice little example. I’ve been in the Narnia fandom for years now. The four main characters are siblings, so there’s a lot of incest fic. I personally dislike incest fic and think it’s morally questionable, and so do many of my mutuals. We have conversations in private spaces where we tell one another who to block to avoid seeing that content, and every time I go in the ao3 tag I filter out those pairings. But never have we made public lists calling out people we didn’t know, and never have we sent derisive comments their way. Everyone must learn to keep to their own circles and curate their own feeds for fandom to be a positive experience. Everyone must learn to listen to other people and accept that everything has nuance. Everyone must be learn to be kind. As my choir teacher says, “there is never an excuse for being rude”. And when controversy must happen, let’s all be respectful, mature, and level headed in our discourse with one another.

In conclusion, this fandom has an issue with telling people what they can and cannot do or create, and that’s wrong. Fandom is supposed to be a free, positive environment. It is our duty to keep it that way. Thank you for your time.

[sunookkii]

hii can i get an E2L with jake please <3

YESSS!! Thank you so much for requesting,, I really hope you like it 😋

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Jake Sim x Reader

Genre : enemies to lovers

Warnings : some swear words here and there.. a little scene where main character almost gets assaulted at night

Word Count : 2.4K

Requested : yess <3

(Warning : It kind of sucks, I’m not really sure if this is e2l PLEASE I TRIED MY BEST ANYWAYS)

❀ You and Jake were enemies since birth, you two supposedly hated each other’s guts since diapers. It didn’t help that your parents were really good childhood friends and would always hang out together forcing you and Jake to try and get along. Though it didn’t work.. Jake would always picked on you, weather it was calling you stupid nicknames, tripping you making you fall and land on your face or bothering you every time he had a chance. You were always his main target. To him your reaction to his mean jokes were always so entertaining. You absolutely hated him, how cocky he was, how annoying he was, how handsome, charming he was, and how he was always better than you at everything. And the list goes on.

“I hate history why do we even need to learn it” you thought to yourself. Tapping your pencil back and forth not paying attention to the lesson that was taught on the board. Out of no where you feel pieces of paper being thrown at you from behind,,,, it was from Jake. You thought that he would stop throwing pieces of paper at you after awhile but oh you were wrong. Jake laughing silently to himself thought he was sooo funny. He kept throwing pieces of paper at you until you finally had enough, you turned your body facing him and started giving him a whole lecture forgetting that there was a lesson being taught right at this very moment.

“JAKE CAN YOU STOP, YOU’RE BEING SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND IMMATURE!”

“JAKE CAN YOU STOP, YOU’RE BEING SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND IMMATURE!”

You yelled at him a bit too loud causing the teacher to hear,,”Ms. l/n and Mr. Sim OFFICE NOW!”

You groaned at your teachers words, this is all Jakes fault, if he hadn’t bothered you, you two wouldn’t have been in trouble. At this point all the teachers knew you weren’t really fond of Jake, because every week you two would always be in detention together after school.

J: “This is your fault” you turn around to look at Jake, furious, body filled with hatred and anger

Y/n: “ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU WERE THE ONE THROWING PAPER AT ME, (you breathe in and out trying to calm yourself down) if you hadn’t thrown those stupid pieces of paper i could’ve been at home right now.”

J: “woah woah calm down..” he said, that didn’t help one bit

You decided to ignore him this once because there really is no winning when arguing with him. You two finally arrive at the principals office waiting for yet again another detention slip.

P: “I heard that there was a bit of a ruckus, during history class? Care to explain why you used such vulgar language during school?”

Y/n: “it wasn’t my fault sir, Jake was bothering me and wouldn’t stop.”

P: “Mr. Sim is that true?”

J: “no sir I was simply minding my own business, until she started yelling at me for no reason.” He lied through his teeth,

Y/n: “SIR HE’S LYING” you pointed at the boy smirking at you knowing what he just did.

P: “well it seems to me that there’s a little bit of a problem and someone is lying. Whoever is telling the truth can be excused from detention”

J and y/n : “sir I’M telling the truth”

P: “Well since no one is stepping up I guess I’ll have to put both of you into detention, here is the detention slip for both of you. Remember after school until 5, if you miss it you’ll get detention for the whole week. Got it?!

Y/n: “*sigh, yes sir”

———

Y/n’s POV :

The bell rung indicating that school was over, well not for me at least. I still have to show up for detention since well you know... I arrived at the detention room that read room 206. Walking towards an empty desk, I sat on it and lied my head down.

J: “so how was your dayy :)” knowing that this was all his fault he had the audacity to ask me how my day was??

Y/n: “shut up.”

J: “ooh someone’s grumpy cuz they got detention” he laughs annoyingly at me.

Y/n: “you’re in detention too idiot.”

J: “at least I’m not alone stupid” he rolls his eyes moving away and pushing back his dark brown fluffy hair,,

Why was that kind of attractive? Wtf why am I thinking like that get out of my head!

———

❀ The bell finally rung and we were dismissed, it felt like ages~

Walking towards the the exit I see myself accidentally walking besides Jake. I quickly realized and distanced myself, the sky outside was pitch black. Forgetting that I’m terrified of the dark I quickly walk home by myself so I don’t have to be outside any longer. As I was walking towards the direction of my house I sense someone following me, my pace got faster as I was scared what could happen this late at night. I ran quicker and quicker then all of a sudden I feel someone grabbing my wrist hugging me pushing me towards the corner of a house. I try and let out a loud scream right before they cover my mouth with their hand. I open my eyes only to see Jake.

J: “boo!”

I push him off, why is he holding me in his arms like that?

Y/n: “wtf Jake! Why are you following me?” I said kind of mad that he scared me thinking I was being followed.

J: “some guy was following you when you left school and I didn’t want anything to happen to you so I kinda followed you home..”

Y/n: “oh well you can go now... I don’t need your help..” feeling a little bit awkward that he kind of cared..

J: “are you stupid or something?” He said angrily “you should take better care of yourself! The man could’ve done something to you if I hadn’t been there!”

I had no words to say, how could someone I hate so much care for me? I guess he isn’t bad after all.. but my stubborn self obviously had to snap back,

Y/n: “IDC I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOU TO FOLLOW ME, WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE IF I GET HURT OR NOT!”

J: “I DON’T, YOU KNOW WHAT! WALK HOME BY YOURSELF”

Y/n: “YOU KNOW WHAT, I WILL!”

❀ ❀ ❀

I’m not gonna lie to you I kind of regret saying that to him, it’s not really fun walking home alone when it’s pitch black outside. It was all silent walking home untill I heard something walking towards me, I assumed it was Jake so I turned around getting ready to yell at him, but to my luck it was a random man who came walking up towards me, he came over touching my waist giving me a creepy look, making me feel uncomfortable.

Stranger: “hey baby girl you look beautiful tonight, you want to come over to my house? We can have lots of fun” He winks creepily at me. Does he not know I’m a minor?? Gross.

Y/n: “get away from me!” I tell him as I walk faster pushing him off of me, he quickly grabbed my wrist and started touching me “you’re not going anywhere!”

I start to panic, not knowing what to do, I wish Jake was here I thought to myself as I’m about to cry feeling hopeless not knowing what I could do. Suddenly I hear something running towards me, a tall figure with dark brown hair, is it Jake? The familiar figure punched the creepy man leading him to fall on the ground groaning. He grabed my wrist “lets run!” He held my hand tight as we were running, his hand was soft and fit perfectly in mine.

J: “are you okay” he looks at my scared face holding my cheeks in his palms. I nod feeling a hard lump in my throat as I soon burst out crying tears. “It’s okay, it’s okay I’m here you don’t have to be scared anymore” he held me tight in his arms. Embracing me, his arms and chest were so warm something I really needed. Never in a million years did I think I’d be hugging my enemy like this. I continue crying in his chest as he strokes my hair in reassurance that I’m safe. “Y/n you’re so stupid, you could’ve gotten seriously hurt.”

y/n: “I’m sorry” I continue crying

———

He walked me home safely still holding my hand, I look at him weirdly looking at him then looking back at our intertwined hands.

J: “oh right.. sorry”

Y/n: “how did you know I was in danger?”

J: “oh well it’s kind of silly actually, I was mad at you so I decided to do a mean prank to get you scared, but then that’s when I heard you scream so I ran up to you”

Y/n: “oh, well thanks for helping me I guess...” I said looking down at my fingers feeling ashamed.

J: “uhm anyways I’m gonna go home now.. gn loser” he said before he ran off putting his hood back on.

“Goodnight” I whisper, thankful that jake was there with me that night.

———

❀ The next day of school I went to my assigned seat which was in front of Jake. Then suddenly a non familiar boy comes inside the class, was he new?

T: “Class! Listen up.. we have a new student attending our school, and I would like for you to pay attention as he’s about to introduce himself.”

S: “Hi! My name is Sunoo Kim! Please take good care of me :)”

Who’s this new guys Sunoo he’s kind of cute....

T: “Sunoo you can sit next to y/n over there, y/n please raise up your hand so he knows who you are!”

S: “Hi!”

Y/n: “Hi I’m y/n, and your Sunoo right?”

S: “yess.”

The cute boy gave me a cute cheeky smile, I could tell we’ll become good friends. Class was over and it was time for lunch, I could tell that Sunoo didn’t have much friends since he’s new, so I asked him to have lunch with me. Sunoo and I talked about everything! It felt like we knew each other for so long, as if we were best friends. Jake passed by us giving us a weird glare. That’s weird I thought, he never usually glared at me like that, well I mean we’re enemies but he usually gives me a stupid teasing smile,, hmm that’s odd maybe he’s just in a bad mood.

———

School was over and it was time to walk home,

S: “Y/n!! Let’s walk home together, where do you live?”

Y/n: “oh I live near this block,, what about you?”

S: “OH really??!! I live here too, we live close to each other, lets walk home together sometimes!”

He’s so cute, charming and extroverted, we just got to know each other but I feel like we’ve been friends forever, is that weird?

Y/n: ok!

———

❀ Many weeks have passed and me and Sunoo became really close friends! Though Jake has been acting strange lately..

School ended quickly today,, Sunoo suddenly called out my name

S: “lets wak home together today!”

Y/n: “alright su-“

As I was about to finish my sentance Jake came over and grabed my hand intertwining his into mine.

J: “ahh sorry Sunoo she can’t, y/n’s mom told me to walk her home today.”

R: “ahh ok.. bye y/n I’ll see you next week!”

Y/n: “wait but but!” I wasnt able to finish my sentance since Jake already pulled me to the opposite direction. His hands... were in mine? Why am I feeling all sorts of butterflies in my stomach.. this is new, I never felt this way towards Jake before. It was kind of quiet during the walk home until the tension was broken and Jake said something as he stopped walking.

J: “lets go to the ice cream shop, just you and me.”

Y/n: “dont we hate eachother?”

J: “just shut up and come with me.”

He grabbed my hand forcing me to follow,

Y/n: “okay but you’re paying”

We arrived at the pretty ice cream place which was bright and pretty chilly. Jake went to go order the Ice creams while I looked around since I never been here before.

J: “two chocolate ice creams please”

He’s always been so polite towards everyone but me, his fluffy dark brown hair right about his eyes. He’s so cute.. why am I feeling this way towards him? We’re supposed to hate each other but here I am falling head over heels for Jake? No it can’t be, do I have a crush on him? How did he know I liked chocolate ice cream?We sat down at the near table, the place was super cute, perfect for a date. WAIT IS THIS A DATE?

Y/n: “Jake why did you take me here?”

J: “I needed to tell you something but finish your ice cream first”

Y/n: “oh uhm ok-“

J: “AW FUCK IT I CANT WAIT ANY LONGER Y/NILIKEYOU!”

I stool there frozen like a popsicle, did my enemy Jake just confess to me, this seems crazy but I think I like him too.

Y/n: “Jake I like you too..”

J: “iknowyoumightnotlikemebecausethewayItreatedyouwhenwewerekidsbutpleasegivemeachanceisweari’ll-“

Y/n: “JAKE! I said I like you too”

J: “what- really you mean it? You like me back” it was cute seeing him nervous because of me.

Y/n: “yeah I guess you’re not so bad..” I said teasingly

His worried face quickly turned into a big smile, we quickly finished the ice cream and walked outside of the ice cream place side by side. He stoped walking and looked at me.

J: “you have something on your lips” he said pointing

Y/n: “what where” I rubbed my mouth looking for the leftover ice cream”

J: “here” he grabbed my face leaning in for a deep kiss. “There all gone!” he runs away laughing like a little kid.

Y/n: “JAKE SIM I DIDN’T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO STEAL A KISS FROM ME!” I said chasing him, I guess you could say our relationship turned into an enemies to lovers type of thing.

[chaos-has-theories]

Part 1: The Eye of John

You’ve heard of „Alecto is a Resurrection Beast“, „Alecto is Gaia“ and „Alecto is a seamonster“, you’ve heard of John’s sun symbolism, now get ready for:

John is Ra and Alecto is Mehet-Weret

or less specifically Hathor, or The Eye of Ra

[Image description: A picture in the Ancient Egyptian style. It shows a large blue cow with stars along its belly. There are nine people under it, keeping it steady. An empty boat floats by its back legs, and another boat by its front legs, this one with the god Ra as a passenger. A large red arrow points at the cow and is labelled “Alecto???”.]

(More under the cut, because this shit will get long.)

First, for the record, I am emphatically not a learned egyptologist, so I might be getting things wrong here.

Secondly, ancient Egyptian mythology is a gorgeous mess. You can’t ever just say that x is the child of y, because they’re bound to also be siblings, and spouses, and x is also a and b and y is also b and c and... yeah.

Anyway, let’s do this.

---

I was rereading Harrow the Ninth with my roommates and we got to this part:

"Your sword will not rend its armour”, he said, with his back turned to them. “It’s weapons will ruin your flesh. It will not stop until it has subsumed its quarry.” (HtN p. 329)

and I thought to myself, huh, that kind of sounds like the Eye of Ra.

So let’s talk about that!

Now, the main story of the Eye of Ra is that, long ago, when the gods were still like, living on earth with the humans, people started to criticize Ra, their ruler.

That pissed off Ra, so he sent off his „Eye“ to punish them. She did, killing almost all the humans, but then Ra couldn’t really get her to stop. So the gods made a bunch of dyed beer with some blood in it, and the Eye drank it all and became drunk and docile.

So far, so good. Technically, at that point Teacher is talking about the Sleeper, but we all know that there are heavy parallels between the Sleeper and the Body. Also, there’s more where that came from.

"My lord,” said Augustine formally, “you told us the truth about Annabel–about Alecto–because she knew the truth too, and you never could control her.” (HtN, p. 478)

”Annabel Lee... was not the dying kind,” said the Emperor. It might be more accurate to say that I switched her off.” “You came to us and we asked, Is she dead?” said Mercy. “And you said, As dead as I can make her... I remember, Lord, that you wept.” (HtN, p. 479)

Neither Alecto nor the Eye of Ra are stopped by death or reason but instead kept somehow subdued.

But it gets better, and weirder.

The most famous version of the Eye of Ra is probably Sakhmet, the lion goddess. Sometimes she's a cat, Bastet; but just as often she’s depicted as a cow, Hathor.

There's a specific version of this myth called „The Book of the Heavenly Cow“ or „The Destruction of Mankind“. Here’s a translation of it.

I just learned about this myth. I learned about it under the Name of „Mehet-Weret“. Hathor and Mehet-Weret are… the same goddess? Not the same goddess? Sometimes the same goddess? They’re both cow themed, and occasionally take the same roles. Mythology is confusing, y’all.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about it:

Hathor was given the epithets "mistress of the sky" and "mistress of the stars", and was said to dwell in the sky with Ra and other sun deities. Egyptians thought of the sky as a body of water through which the sun god sailed, and they connected it with the waters from which, according to their creation myths, the sun emerged at the beginning of time. This cosmic mother goddess was often represented as a cow. Hathor and Mehet-Weret were both thought of as the cow who birthed the sun god and placed him between her horns. Like Nut, Hathor was said to give birth to the sun god each dawn.

Since I remembered the name Mehet-Weret and was very proud of that, that’s where I actually started my research here, and…

Mehet-Weret or Mehturt (Ancient Egyptian: mḥt-wrt) is an ancient Egyptian deity of the sky in ancient Egyptian religion. Her name means "Great Flood". She was mentioned in the Pyramid Texts. In ancient Egyptian creation myths, she gives birth to the sun at the beginning of time, and in art she is portrayed as a cow with a sun disk between her horns. She is associated with the goddesses Neith, Hathor, and Isis, all of whom have similar characteristics, and like them she could be called the "Eye of Ra". Mehet-Weret is primarily known as being the "Celestial Cow" or "Cow Goddess" because of her physical characteristics, but she contributes to the world in more ways than that. She is also the Goddess of Water, Creation, and Rebirth; in Egyptian mythology, Mehet-Weret is one of the main components in the making and survival of life. (...) She was credited for the birth of Re, also known as the Sun God Ra; she is also the one who protects Re. (Wikipedia)

SHE’S (a version of) THE PRIMORDIAL FLOOD, Y’ALL.

You said, “Teacher, what destroyed the House of the First?” “Not much,” said the Emperor, and he tried to smile. It was awful. “Rising sea levels and a massive nuclear fission chain reaction...it all went downhill from there.” (HtN p. 346)

"Even the devil bent for God to put a leash around her neck (...) But when the work was done (...) they bade him kill the saltwater creature before she could do them harm...” (HtN p. 328)

Next to you, the body said quietly, “The water is risen. So is the sun. We will endure.” (HtN p. 294)

On this same read-through I snagged on „The water is risen, so is the sun“ because it sounds so much like a quote, but I couldn’t find anything. Yes, John has sun symbolism and Alecto all that water stuff, but where is the connection?

Well, here. It’s just Ancient Egyptian Creation Myths.

The different creation myths have some elements in common. They all held that the world had arisen out of the lifeless waters of chaos (…) The sun was also closely associated with creation, and it was said to have first risen from the mound, as the general sun-god Ra.

That makes Alecto literally the First One. It makes her John’s protector as the Eye. It gives her a connection to water and and even death and the underworld. (It also gives her a connection to the sky, which always fits in a Space Fantasy.)

Essentially,

I can see two figures in Egyptian mythology that fit what we know of Alecto. Those would be the Eye of Ra, an uncontrollable creature of rage and revenge; and the flood from which the sun god rises during the creation of the world. And Mehet-Weret fits into both.

But you’re not convinced yet? Alright then. Remember how Hathor/Mehet-Weret is a cow?

"Oh, singular,” said Dulcinea quietly, more to herself than to Gideon. “Lipochrome...recessive.” (GtN, p. 106)

When she spoke at last, she sounded frozen and numb. “I see. I understand. Lipochrome. Recessive. You are the evidence.” (HtN, p. 410)

I did not know what the fuck to say to her incoherent spew. She said, ragged, peevish: “What? No tongue in your head, you–you mutant, you mistake, you great big calf-eyed fuck-up?”

If you’re like me and know nothing about biology, you’ll hop over to Wikipedia  and find this:

A lipochrome (from Greek λίπος ("fat") and χρῶμα ("color")) is a naturally occurring, fat-soluble pigment. Lipofuscin—a product of fat breakdown in lysosomes—is a type of lipochrome that is associated with the decomposition of cell membranes. Beta carotene, a lipochrome, was found in the retina, pigment epithelium, and iris of cattle eyes.

This is the entirety of the article by the way.

…and I was wondering why Tamsyn didn’t just call the eyes „Amber“.

Now you might say, but Chaos, you know they’re not really her eyes…

Yeah.

They’re John’s eyes.

They are, you might say, the Eyes of John.

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THERE WILL BE MORE PARTS because I am LOSING MY MIND OVER THIS but this post is already longer than it has any right to be.

In the meantime, here’s an article on Mehet-Weret that I think is actually well researched and probably does a better job explaining how all these different gods fit together than I ever could.