A Deal With God
Not even a full drabble, just word vomit, but...I know Running Up That Hill is Max's song and we all know what it ties to, but I'm just thinking...post-S4 Steve hearing the song and almost throwing up because he feels it. He doesn't just hear the lyrics, he actually listens to them.
Steve has never been big on meaningful lyrics, he likes music, sure, but it's not like he listens to life-changing songs and ponders the meaning of each metaphor during his sleepless nights. He thinks music is a nice addition to life, it sets the mood, but he doesn't feel the depth because he can't concentrate hard enough. He can sing a few songs, usually ones about love, having a good time, so he never thinks he's missing something. Until that moment.
The song starts playing when he sits next to Max's bed, giving Lucas a brief break from waiting when (not if, he reminds himself, never if, only when) she wakes up. He watches her shallow breathing, in, out, as if she's just sleeping, the purple around her eyes slowly dissipating, when he hears the first notes. He needs so, so badly to shut the radio off, to avoid the memory, but he promised Lucas he'd be here and this is Max's lifeline, the song that already saved her once and would have done so again if people like Jason Carver (people like I used to be, the voice in his head added) didn't steal it away. So he just sits there and thinks it's just a few minutes, he can push through it, he can focus on something else, anything else...
And then he hears the lyrics, really hears them. And they make him feel sick. It's certain sections that freeze his insides with realization that someone created a song for this exact moment, for the pain he feels.
You don't want to hurt me
But see how deep the bullet lies
He should be thinking about Max, but it's Eddie that comes to his mind. Eddie and his assurance that he's no hero, he's not going to risk it all, Eddie who decided last minute that the world without him would somehow hurt less. As if it was his job to take their pain away.
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
Steve originally felt that it was just him, with the fear of being replaced, of this much cooler man stealing Dustin's attention away, but then he actually talked to Eddie and he thought, really thought that they understood each other. They both gave the kids something different, they were both needed, they could not be replaced because they worked the best together. So why? Why is he here alone, left to fill in a hole in their hearts that he could never hope to replace?
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get him to swap our places
He thinks of Dustin's smaller frame, curled over Eddie's body, the heart wrenching sobs over the ghost of Eddie's final smile. About how much joy Eddie brought into Dustin's life, into the life of all his kids, while he was busy trying to date that inner emptiness away. And he gets it now, starts mouthing the lyrics over the song, the chorus, because if there was any possibility of a deal, any option to bring Eddie back to his found family...he'd do it. He thinks maybe the hole left behind him would be smaller, less special. Reaching God wasn't really in his power, but maybe Vecna could...
Steve just sits there and lets the song puncture his heart again and again and thinks: if this is what it takes to wake you up, Red, I'll listen to it, anything for you. But please, do it soon. I have a deal to make.
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REPLICA PLAYLIST
MUSIC UNDER CUT
I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).
Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz
Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay
Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara
Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon
Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon
Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki
The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu
Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell
Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay
Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP
Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet
7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid
Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia
Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk
Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes
Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt
Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey
Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills
I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.
I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!
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