#the lyrics are not great but the music isn’t the worst i’ve heard

[wwwwyamd]

i think youtube has broken my brain because i found this random artist on spotify and im like 80% sure it’s danny gonzalez

[waugh-bao]

I know you don’t really like Mick’s solo output, but what do you think about Keith’s?

I have mixed feelings about it. If I were to rank all of the Stones solo musical ventures, it would definitely be Charlie > Keith > Ronnie > Mick. Which, naturally, was also Keith’s opinion on the matter:

I’ve never been a fan of the Stones covers he did with the Winos, the tempos are always a mess and they drag.

As for the stuff that’s solely his, I think it’s a mixed bag. He’s genuinely very talented as a lyricist and I like the subject matter he tends to focus on, because it’s a lot about complicated and long term/older relationships, which isn’t necessarily a mainstay of mainstream rock. And I also enjoy his voice, he’s not Pavarotti or anything but he knows how to write for his own range and vocal quality.

That said, I feel like the music/band itself tends to be very hit or miss, and I actually tend to prefer the songs where it’s Charley Drayton playing drums instead of Steve, he’s got a lighter touch that suits Keith’s style better. I was at performance the Winos did at the Beacon Theater 2 years ago as part of Love Rocks NYC and for unexplained reasons (what I heard on the grapevine is that Steve and Charley had some kind of falling out related to Charley’s late wife) Charley wasn’t there. The choice of songs for the set kind of sucked and the replacement bass player was no good, but I don’t think that performance is probably representative of what they were like in their heyday in the late ‘80s/mid ‘90s. Still not thrilled with how much money I spent on a ticket for such a mediocre performance. Hozier and Mavis Staples were great, though.

His collaborations with Levon Helm and Tom Waits are both gorgeous and there’s some beautiful covers by him of Mingus and other artists floating around out there. It’s not *really* solo Keith, but for my money his best stuff in that realm will always be the songs he sings solo on the Stones records, particularly “Little T&A” from Tattoo You, “How Can I Stop” from Bridges to Babylon, “Thru and Thru” + “The Worst” from Voodoo Lounge, and “Slipping Away” from Steel Wheels. Also “Alteration Boogie”, even though nobody was ever kind enough to give us an official release.

Ironically, I listen to him most often when I’m exercising, especially running or doing boxing drills with a heavy bag. I will say that I have a special place in my heart for “Hate It When You Leave.” The lyrics are so him, of course, but it used to be a song that was perpetually on my playlist for nighttime runs in London, and I have many fond memories of listening to it while flying through the shittier parts of Shoreditch and Camden Town.

[rabbitechoes]

wanted to post more over here and had the idea to do lil reviews for albums from years past. i'm gonna try to post a review for this series, as the name suggests, every thursday!! this week we're looking at a long overdue return to form for one of the greatest songwriters of all time: Oh Mercy by Bob Dylan!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

Oh Mercy - Bob Dylan

◇ release year: 1989 ◇ genres: singer-songwriter, pop rock, folk rock

The 80s were not kind to Bob Dylan at all, neither were the late 70s for that matter. There was a massive dip in quality after the relative comeback albums that were 1975’s Blood on the Tracks and 1976’s Desire. Following divorce proceedings with his wife in 1977, Dylan shifted his sound away from folk and into a more pop-rock direction for Street-Legal, one of his most uneventful records. Leading into the 80s, he had a born-again Christian phase and released a trilogy of terrible faith-based albums. His 1983 album Infidels was his return back to secular music, but it’s also not very great in the grand scheme of his catalog besides the opener “Jokerman.” Empire Burlesque, Knocked Out Loaded, and Down in the Groove were also some of his worst records and borderline embarrassing for an artist of his caliber. There are very few bright spots in that run aside from “Brownsville Girl” off of Knocked Out Loaded, but to get to that you gotta sit through his version of Kris Kristofferson’s “They Killed Him” which is one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. Things were looking pretty bad for the once-iconic artist. His music was either terrible, boring, a parody of his best work, or all three in one. The deck was stacked against him, but in 1988 something special would happen. Bono would introduce Dylan to producer Daniel Lanois known for his work with Brian Eno, U2, and longtime Dylan collaborator Robbie Robertson. Dylan seemed determined to finally make a good album again and Lanois’ production work was exactly what he needed to refresh his sound.

Bob Dylan, 1989

You can hear that right away in the opener “Political World.” Despite it being one of Dylan’s clunkier songs from a lyrical perspective, that instrumentation is just perfect for him. That warm, jaunty sound provided by Dylan and a backing band consisting of various musicians from New Orleans. Many of which Lanois was working with at the time. These musicians match the anxious and chaotic themes of the song perfectly. Dylan sings about it being a hostile, political world and even touches on themes of spirituality in two lines towards the end. In those two lines alone, he provides a more interesting perspective on religion than he ever did on his spiritual albums. In the grand scheme of things, “Political World” doesn’t rank among the best Dylan songs, but it’s such a massive breath of fresh air from what he had been doing at the time. The next track cools things down with the waltzy, schmaltzy cut “Where Teardrops Fall.” Again, this isn’t a classic Dylan masterpiece, but it just sounds so good. Massive shoutout to John Hart’s saxophone on the outro. “Everything is Broken” kind of harkens back lyrically and musically to something Dylan might’ve written in decades past, but it’s given this fresh new coat of paint thanks to Lanois’ production. I love Brian Stoltz’s guitar work here. It’s never in your face, but it’s always present underneath everything. It creates this really cool dynamic with the rhythm section. The next track “Ring Them Bells” is one of the many times here where Dylan slows things down. This is where the album is at its best. The warm production not only brings out the best in the instrumentation but also in Dylan’s voice. This is the first album where he sounds like the weathered, legendary songwriter he was. The arrangement is sparse, with only guitar and keyboards accompanying Dylan’s voice and piano. It’s one of my favorite-sounding Dylan songs. As is the next track, “Man In the Long Black Coat.” What a triumph this song is. It’s simultaneously amazing and infuriating. He still had it in him to write an incredible, compelling song. Like the last track, the sound here is pretty sparse besides some ambiance setting keyboards from Malcolm Burn and Dylan’s guitar. His voice is in a lower register and it makes you just hang on to his every word. It helps that the melody is so memorable also. The song ends on such a mysterious note and it’s the most engaging he had sounded since Desire. 

“Most of the Time” builds upon that more weathered sound except this time with more layers to it instrumentally. This is another one of my favorite Dylan songs. It’s a heartbreak ballad that has such a simple structure and premise, but it’s so impactful. I love the way the electric guitar washes over the track. Every time it enters, it lingers for the perfect amount of time. It’s mixed so perfectly. “What Good Am I?” and “Disease of Conceit” are lulls in the tracklist, but they’re not bad. They just lack that energy of the three tracks prior. The latter is another clunky writing moment from Dylan on the record. His best moments on here lyrically are the songs about love, heartbreak, and other more personal topics. He’s made some iconic songs built around his ruminations on the world, but none of them are found here. Fortunately, the last two tracks are a step up. “What Was It You Wanted” might have the most tasteful implementation of a harmonica on any Bob Dylan record. I love Dylan’s usually harsh harmonica, but it’s hard to deny it can get a bit much. The music here is very subtle and it accompanies what seems to be Dylan’s meditations on his art up to that point. Perhaps the years of critical failures catching up to him as he asks the public “what was it you wanted?” If I was a fan of his during this time, the answer would be songs like this! “Shooting Star” is another ballad and another favorite of mine. Some have interpreted this song as being about Dylan’s disillusionment with spirituality and I think that’s an interesting read, but it could also just be a simple bittersweet ballad about love. Either way, this is a strong closer to the album.

Bob Dylan, 1988

Oh Mercy was an incredible return to form for Dylan and Lanois’ production brought out the best in these songs. It sounded like Dylan was writing with a purpose again, he was inspired. While overall this isn’t his strongest crop of songs from a lyrical standpoint, the execution here takes these songs to the next level. Ideally, this would be the start of a career renaissance for the legendary singer-songwriter, but seeing as how his next album would be the dreadful Under the Red Sky that wasn’t the case. Thankfully, Lanois would collaborate with Dylan again 8 years later for Time Out of Mind, yet another one of his comeback albums.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thanks for reading <3

[thisaintascenereviews]

Spencer Sutherland - The Drama

There’s been a lot of studies done on how once people reach a certain age, they stop listening to new music, mostly because they just get comfortable in what they like, and they don’t have any storage in their brains for anything new. I can understand that, because as much as it pains me to say, I’m getting that way. Now to be fair, I listen to a lot of new music still, and I enjoy quite a bit of it, but I only listen to a few genres these days. I know what genres I mainly like, but some genres I used to like I don’t really listen to anymore, whether it’s because I don’t like a lot of the new stuff I’ve heard, or because I’ve become pickier. I think it’s the latter, but pop music just doesn’t hit the same as it used to. I still try to listen to it, like how I listened to the new Lady Gaga album a couple of weeks ago, but it didn’t quite connect with me as much as I wanted to.

Just a couple of weeks later, the sophomore album from Spencer Sutherland came out, entitled The Drama, and I was looking forward to this for a couple of reasons — I really enjoyed his debut album from last year, and he doubled down on a sound from that album I really liked. That sound would be a 1970s glam-rock sound, akin to David Bowie and Elton John, and he spent the last few months teasing the record, along with dropping a few songs from it and they were relatively interesting. I haven’t listened to a lot of pop music this year, but this was something on my radar, so how is this album? I’ve spent the last five days with it, and this album is okay, honestly.

Remember what I said about Rain City Drive’s new album and how their vocalist carries that album but in a good way? This is more in line with how Mitchell Tenpenny carried his new album, but this isn’t a bad, boring, or forgettable album. It’s just kind of okay, but the one real good thing is Sutherland’s vocals. He’s got a killer voice and he uses it here, so it doesn’t go unwasted, but the songs themselves are fine yet bland at the same time. They all sound the same, too, like they’ve got the same kind of over the top and melodramatic glam-rock/pop sound, so the hooks don’t resonate. I’ve listened to this five times, and each time I expect the hooks to sink in, but they don’t at all.

The good thing is that this album is only 35 minutes, but at the same time, there are 14 songs here, and hardly any song (if any at all) reach 3 minutes. Most of these songs feel halfbaked, so they don’t get a chance to let their hooks sink in. If the album itself doesn’t care about its hooks, why should I? I’m not saying I don’t care, but still, the album doesn’t feel like it’s done in that respect. The songs are so short, that they come and go without warning, and just when they get started, they end. The lyrics also leave a lot to be desired, too, because they amount to nothing, and that’s such a bummer to say, but it happens.

If you want a good pop album, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed, but if you want something great or amazing, you’ll be disappointed, I think. It’s got some great vocal performances, but that’s all it has. I just don’t remember anything about it, unfortunately, and it just hasn’t stuck, which I guess is a bummer to me, because I liked his last album a lot. I don’t know, folks, I don’t listen to a lot of pop music anymore, so I wasn’t expecting anything truly great here, although I still wanted to be surprised. Truthfully, this isn’t half bad at all, but it’s not an album that I’m going back to whatsoever. It’s not one of the worst of the year, or anything, but it’s far from the best, unfortunately.

[discdetective]

MIDNIGHTS

TAYLOR SWIFT

2022 / 24 songs / 1hr24mins

⭐️⭐️⭐️

AVERAGE SONG RATKING - 5.67

TS discog ranking pt 1

Lavender Haze - 7

fun! definitely sets the scene for the album - this is probably so hugely ranked because it’s the opener and the production hasn’t had a chance to become gratingly repetitive yet - which isn’t to say it’s the most exciting thing in the world to begin with. enjoyable lyrics and mostly okay production.

Maroon - 6.2

i mean. it’s just about better than alright. the lyrics are definitely the best part - like the whole thing about the chorus having a bunch of ways to say red (wine, blood, scarlet, rust etc). at this point in the album i was already over the production.

Anti-Hero - 6.4

refreshingly bright and open production, could’ve maybe done better further into the album when you’re more fatigued from every song sounding the same. one of those taylor swift songs that’s corny but good enough that you allow it - and it’s just good enough for that. it’s no shake it off.

You’re On Your Own, Kid - 8.5

track five and it’s the first bridge that really makes you go yeah, this is a taylor swift bridge - a double edge sword of success and the notion that it shouldn’t have taken that many songs for the album to warm up. emotional and somehow nostalgic while falling firmly in with the newfangled Midnights sound - doesn’t rely on production to make you a bit sentimental. one of the most original on the record.

Snow On The Beach (feat Lana Del Rey) - 3.7

why credit someone as a feature for background vocals? other artists don’t! false advertisement and overall kind of corny. fun idea though, reminds me of when i actually did go to the beach when it snowed. points for that..

Question…? - 1

oh my god i fucking hate this song 😭😭 at this point in the album the boredom created by the repetition of the production is aggravating and maybe they tried to combat this with some of the oddest mixing choices i think i’ve ever heard - none of which work! they’re not enjoyable and don’t aid at all in making the album less boring. it’s a failed attempt that just upsets you more and leaves you yearning for another YOYOK or something similar.

Vigilante Shit - 5.8

all i can say is that it’s boring

Bejeweled - 7.7

finally something interesting again. listening to midnights in one sitting is like being drip-fed alright music in between some of the worst and/or dull production i’ve ever heard. sparkly!

Labyrinth - 3

forgettable

Karma - 8.2

like Bejeweled, Karma is a droplet of refreshing sound in a desert of Jack Antonoff being what i can only assume is lazy. fun, reminds me of halloween parties because it was released around that time. partyable, evidently

Sweet Nothing - 6.7

just like the title. cute, but ultimately leaves almost no impression on the listener.

Mastermind - 4.5

why has jack antonoff forgotten that just because it sounds polished doesn’t mean it’s produced well. at this point in Midnights it feels like the only thing being prioritised is the smoothness of the vocals or synth. just because they sound technically good doesn’t mean they’re interesting or even alright. i’m bored of saying this album is boring!

The Great War - 5

five is the only rating for this song. unbelievably - like actually they must’ve been aiming for this - mid in all senses of the word.

Bigger Than The Whole Sky - 7.9

a harrowing entry to be the one that finally begins to break free from the Midnights Mold. incredibly sad despite the production not trying particularly hard to evoke any emotion. stripped back. hate the vocal mixing, doesn’t fit the song at all.

Paris - 6

cute. above average for the below average record. not much else to say.

High Infidelity - 4

hey kids, cheating is fun

Glitch - 2

could be the most boring on the album - one of the most uneventful albums i’ve ever listened to

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - 9.5

best song on the album as a bonus is boldddd… one of swifts best, top thirty at least. incredibly raw and emotive, beautiful lyrics and manages to lunch through the rigid production walls Midnights imposed on itself

Dear reader - 3

nothing to say, once again. what’s the point in making so many songs no one has anything to say about.

Hits Different - 7.8

fun! i actually like the production on this one, which brings its score up. the writing is mehhish at times but it keeps up the pace throughout even when it wants to lul.

Snow On The Beach (feat more Lana Del Rey) - 2.9

why is this one worse !!!!!!! it feels like they’ve taken things OUT of the mix in this one ?? what the fuck ?! all of these songs are 1 synthesiser a snare a hi hat and maybe the top two strings of a guitar at any given time why would you ever need to take anything away from any of them ?? all of these songs sound like stripped down acoustic versions of original tracks in a world where synthesisers are acoustic and we never invented guitars

Karma (feat Ice Spice) - 4

whyyyyy is ice spice’s verse in half time it doesn’t work at all even for a couple lines did anyone listen to this as it was made or did they just send her into the recording booth and put it out after a couple takes

You’re Losing Me - 7.6

while i would say YLM is overall one of the better songs off the album, it ultimately suffers the Mignidghts curse - everything bar the lyrics sounds identical to every other song on the record, and even then it’s you have to put in effort to recognise this due to the vocal production being, again, identical to every other song on the record. good bridge, verses and choruses forgettable in all honesty.

CLOSING ARGUMENTS

Midnights can often sound like how bad trips are represented in mediocre movies. the production is disorienting at times, with lyrical deliveries that repeatedly feel stumbly or out of place. in my opinion there was a clear idea, an aesthetic that someone had definitively chosen for the album, but most of the lyrics just never feel truly suited to it. if you wanted an album full of sparkly skywashed pink-blue synthpop smoke clouds, write an album full of Karmas, Bejeweleds and Lavender Hazes. leave the Question?…s and Snow on the Beach-es in the vault. sounds like a bad trip but probably made during a couple good ones.

if i was like 24 i bet i’d like it a lot more. not in a “this was made for millennials and i’m not the target audience” way, (although that’s probably at least partly true) but i just feel like 24 is the age to enjoy this album. maybe i’ll give it a call in six years.

in a word? disappointing. give it a listen anyway, you’ll like at least one song.

[starter-library]

CENTAURWORLD SEASON 2 LYRIC STARTERS

FEEL FREE TO CHANGE PRONOUNS AS YOU SEE FIT

“I’d like to bring you up to date on my adventures as of late”

“Here’s the rub, He’s coming now, he’s got an army and we’ll need one too”

“Your interruptions here are quite upsetting”

“I’d like to invite you all to join us in the fight ‘cause if you don’t then you maybe will die”

“The last time you were here all you did was kick and steal from us”

“Yeah, I told you we never should’ve done that.”

“I’ve heard it said with great privilege comes great power. This is true”

“But even walls as high as yours won’t keep the fighting from your door”

“But alas look at the time”

“From the outside it would seem we’re not alike. But if you’re like me And, I mean, you surely could be, Then you might be afraid”

“You’ve probably known this life of war for so long you’ve forgotten what it’s for”

“Your armor can’t protect you from the fear you feel inside”

“The war is coming now, you see. there’s nowhere left to hide”

“You’re okay. You’re alright. I’ll never ever leave your side. I will stay”

“I mean, you don’t even know how vast our fan community network is”

“That’s a little weird, but thank you?”

“This seems neurotic”

“Well, this is overwhelming, isn’t it? I mean, who knew all this time that we were celebrities?”

“All right, hi, everybody. Hey! Listen up. It’s 30 seconds to go-time.”

“Okay, great. Love the confidence.”

“Um, we need some music. What do you got?”

“Okay, this is all garbage. I mean, come on. Listen to this crap.”

“If this falls apart, it’s on me!”

“The pressure’s on it’s opening night and everything has gotta go just right”

“I have journeyed from so far to meet you in the middle”

“Our life here is frozen and thankless”

“Why don’t you move to someplace where it’s warm?”

“Is it the temperature that’s got you down, friends? Or perhaps it is your existential fear?”

“So many things can trigger the people with overactive amygdalae but that’s okay if your brain’s made that way”

“The world can be cruel and depraved and we’re struggling under its weight, just remember you aren’t alone”

“Sometimes we hide from the scary things by trying to side with those very things”

“You might feel initial relief but I promise you it will be brief ‘cause this is a case of unhealthy attachment behavior”

“We might always feel a bit nervous but… even folks like us have a purpose”

“What a gorgeous, fancy schmuck”

“And while, technically I don’t know [name], I know she’s the worst”

“Ugh! She is so the worst”

“But can I tell you about someone who’s kind of a total [name] in my life?”

“He was the finest carny that I’ve ever pursued”

“He played me like a ukulele”

“Maybe [name]’s flirty boyfriend is the one who’s the actual jerk here”

“I feel your pain, girl. I’m your vindicator and we don’t know [name] we just know we hate her”

“All right, congratulations. You guys almost got along for a second there.”

“Whoa! Okay. Sorry about that. If we could get back to what we were talking about-“

“Imagine if you guys could agree on something important.”

“What would you say to your son?”

“That’s the problem, you see. Anything I could say, he already knows”

“I was talking when I should have listened”

“No, I… I… I’m me.”

“And there’s so much that I would like to say to you now that you’re listenin’”

“You never seemed to wanna hear the things I had to say”

“I might look like I’m alone, I don’t hang with any others”

“I don’t have a dad or mother. Well, maybe I did before”

“It’s my very favorite time of day”

“They’re so cool. And big.”

“I don’t know where to begin though, I’m just watching through my window”

“Please, sir! Please, sir! Please, sir!”

“Can’t you see I’m trying to read?”

“What is it you could possibly need?”

“I just wanna make you proud”

“Maybe someday you and I can have a heart-to-heart”

“I will not say anything nice until you do the things I require that you do”

“I still love you”

“I got a question for you, please. Just one?”

“You won’t believe your eyes! I really wanna tell you but I’ll keep it a surprise!”

“What’s a hootenanny Without a pudding pie?”

“There’s a hootenanny happenin’ It’s gonna be a star-studded night”

“From the seas up to the land we cannot wait to all celebrate true unity”

“They all seem to be singing about completely unrelated tangents and details. Frankly, I’ve lost interest in the topic.”

“There’s, like, this creepy old guy watching from the corner. He’s eating cheese sauce by itself while playing a recorder”

“Sit back With a hot stein and I’ll tell you of the most beautiful guy”

“These guys look like they’re getting along to me.”

“Loud. You guys are loud and annoying”

“My mom went missing years ago”

“Hey, new friends. I’m glad we made it”

“As long as you are with me, I am home”

“Together, we’ll go into the unknown. So get ready to fight”

“I’m sorry I left the way I did. If you knew what I was gonna do, you would have tried to stop me.”

“What are you saying about me now that I’m gone?”

“She barely said farewell to all of her friends”

“Of course she regrets leaving so quickly, Though if she got to go back she’d do this all again”

“She had to open herself up to others to truly be strong”

“Who was she? I guess it doesn’t matter. She was loved”

“You’re trapped and you’re scared and you’re missing someone. I know what that’s like”

“What did you do? What did you do?”

“What did I do? Why, I waited for you”

“Now you’ve come to set me free I always knew that you’d return to me”

“They’re coming for you! They’re hunting you!”

“Once shattered, now whole. Once whole, now united. Once united, now eternal”

“I swear I will never stop thinking about you. You have come to set me free”

“If you should hurt me, I’ll always forgive you”

“Love is a spark, Love’s an ever-glowing blaze”

“You are a part of me”

“I will never part from you”

“She was meant to be mine and my love for her runs eternal”

“My love, I pledge never to leave your side, even through hardship and darkness and pain from you, I won’t hide”

“When you dig a hole with your friends, it’s a way to avoid committing murder.”

“So I can’t lop off this guy’s head? You’ll just bury him alive instead?”

“When they look at me- Like they’d ever look at me.”

“What is it like to be human? To dance in their ballrooms late into night?”

“What is it like to be taken seriously?”

“Ah, such a lovely singin’ voice. If I’d have known you’d be doing an unplugged set, I’d have brought my banjo with me.”

“What do I want? I want you to do your job.”

“Why, it’s…It’s like you’re being sarcastic.”

“Everyone loves magic except for when it’s busted”

“Oh, this feeling, It came right in again and again; A feeling there just beneath the skin and I tried so hard not to let it in”

“But you can’t keep the ghosts out when you’re the one who’s the haunted house”

“You can’t kick the ghosts out when you’re the one who let them in”

“But there’s more power here than even I know”

“Now hold still this won’t hurt a bit- at least in theory. Though I haven’t tried it”

“Draw out the beast part of me! Let it find a way of its own, my body can no longer be its home!”

“Well, what kind of hero does your story need?”

“Does he got what it takes? Why, yes, of course”

“Well, he doesn’t emote and he don’t have no eyes, But he’s the champion of the little guy”

“Now come on, kid. You’re with me.”

“‘Cause if we move as one our side can win the war”

“Don’t think. Trust your instincts”

“Some of us are destined for greater things so we must choose to take a harder path around”

“I’ll teach you all that I can  together, we can fight to save our people”

“Hello, black mirror. My oldest enemy”

“You can all be fearless too. You can fight for yourselves, you’re all right by yourselves”

“We are all just- Just fragile things soft and small and haven’t been here before”

“Stay Close to me and I will protect you”

“Please, sir.  I’m as curious can be”

“I don’t know him”

“What a pity to behold. Rest now, tormented soul.”

“Don’t you know I would have loved you the way you were?”

“Hush now, Time to move on evermore, To open your very last door. I’ll be here to help turn the key”

“When you leave, I will at last have peace And our world will finally be free”

“My love, you’re finally free”

“Quiet. I am now ready to silence all of this poison you fed me, thinking I’d never grow wise”

“You will die and so will all your lies, When I see the light leaving your eyes”

“Save your strength, We don’t have to fight anymore”

“It’s over, we won the war and we can finally be together”

“If you stay by my side, I’m at peace ‘cause I know I’m finally home”

“You made it back that’s all that matters”

“Now we’re allowed to just be me and you and you and me”

“Two broken worlds have now been freed but they need time to grieve and to heal one another”

“Can we all start over?  After the final chapter’s end?”

“When it all starts over how do these scars begin to mend?”

“Could you put your weapon down, sir?“

“Please don’t struggle you’re surrounded”

“I can handle anything as long as you are here with me”

“I have been tested. I’ve been challenged, I’ve been transformed through and through but I couldn’t get this far without you”

“I am stronger when I trust my family, when I lean on you and let you lean on me”

“Wherever you are is where I’m meant to be”

“The path may be hard to follow but trust is the key”

“Just find good traveling companions ‘cause love sets us free”

“Love gives us a purpose, It honors us, keeps us from harm”

“She’s yearning still to be better and her friends make her better”

“I will stay, I will fight, Never leaving your sight ‘Cause you made things all right”

[jessmalia]

🪄🪄🪄🪄🪄 GO CRAZY PLEASE

Okay so I'm gonna put a lot more lyrics than 5 but I'm assuming you'll be okay with that.

I've heard it said / That people come into our lives for a reason / Bringing something we must learn / And we are led / To those who help us most to grow / If we let them / And we help them in return / Well, I don't know if I believe that's true / But I know I'm who I am today / Because I knew you (For Good, Wicked)

It was hard not putting the entire song in here because it’s just soo good. Wicked is my favourite musical for a reason. This one is especially great cause of how relatable it is. I always think about me and my ex best friend when I listen to it. 

If your heart is in your dream / No request is too extreme / When you wish upon a star/ As dreamers do (When You Wish Upon A Star, Pinocchio)

When You Wish Upon A Star slaps and I think we should talk about it more. 

Take a look at the Invisible Girl / Here she is clear as the day / Please look closely and find her before she fades away (Superboy and the Invisible Girl, Next To Normal)

This one isn’t relatable to me at all. Not even a little bit. Doesn’t make me cry when I listen it. You have my me-core playlist, you can check it, it’s not there.

And they called off the circus, burned the disco down / When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns / I'm still on that tightrope / I'm still tryin' everything to get you laughing at me (mirrorball, Taylor Swift)

Just had to include this one. What can I say, I’m a mirrorball. 

And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why / I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try (mirrorball, Taylor Swift)

I COULDN’T CHOOSE JUST ONE LYRIC OKAY!

No, I don't want to be afraid, afraid to die, die, die / I just wanna be able to say that I have lived my life (Immortal, MARINA)

For the longest time I thought that immortality is stupid and a curse and anyone who’d wanna be immortal is stupid. Recently, though, I’ve gotten really intrigued by the concept. I still would never do it if I somehow got the chance, but I understand the temptation more now. At first I couldn’t at all put words as to WHY, but with this song Marina just fucking nailed it. Time can really be our worst enemy and that’s fucking scary. I’d honestly like to put the entire song here because it’s so good (seriously you should listen to it) but I especially wanna highlight this other lyric: “Oh, all the things that humans do to leave behind a little proof But the only thing that doesn't die is love, love, love”.

And I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall / If there was nowhere to land, / I wouldn't be scared / At all (Falling, Florence + the Machine)

THANK YOU JO FOR RECOMMENDING THIS SONG TO ME I LOVE IT IT’S MY THEME SONG SERIOUSLY IF I COULD ONLY CHOOSE ONE SONG THAT’S SECRETLY ABOUT ME IT WOULD BE THIS ONE

Lights went out, you were fine / You kinda struggle not to shine (An Evening I Will Not Forget, Dermot Kennedy)

THIS IS AN ARIA LYRIC JO IT’S ABOUT HER I FOUND THIS SONG RECENTLY AND ADDED IT TO THE NJABBIC PLAYLIST IMMEDIATELY

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you / But what a ghostly scene (my tears ricochet, Taylor Swift)

This one is also about me and my ex best friend. I am also not normal about this song for another reason that I can’t tell you yet but I promise you you will find out some day. 

I swear I never stole anything / I never meant to hurt anyone / I swear, I swear that I'm a good kid / A good kid, who's had a bad run (Good Kid, The Lightning Thief)

Fun fact when I listened to this song for the first time (ironically while skipping school, yes I will mention that every time) this was the part that made me cry. Just the way he sings it 😭😭😭😭😭

Oh, I hate those voices / Telling me I'm not in love anymore / But they don't give me choices / And that's what these tears are for (We Were Happy, Taylor Swift)

Top ten Taylor Lyrics for me. I rarely see the confusing feeling of missing someone you had feelings for despite being over them discussed. Because at the end of the day, it’s still a loss, you’ve actually lost something. You can miss being in love with someone despite not wanting to date them anymore and that’s just something you’re gonna have to grieve a bit. And she just puts it to words here so PERFECTLY. 

Hmhmjhum send me a 🪄 to get a song lyric I am not normal about

[mxnrly]

the red house, changkyun

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slight nsfw, thriller !

I wrote this like a year ago, when this song came out and I fell in love with the mv and the lyrics. If you want to see what the song is, here it is. Either way, I'm editing this at 2 am because I felt the need of posting it. I originally wrote this in spanish and it really took me a while sjdjs I hope you like it tho! 

tw: not too explicit nsfw, unprotected sex, dom/sub dynamic (both are switches, y’all see), pet name,  mentions of blood. 

wc: 6.8k

⠀

An idiot.

That's what I liked to call the kid who lived across the street. An undoubtedly attractive boy. Gorgeous and with a sensual aura like no other. He had an attractive look, and his presence was always full of mystery. He looked like a demon brought from hell, always wearing those dark denim pants that stuck to his legs, a white long-sleeved shirt and a leather jacket set with the logo of a serpent crossed with two swords.

His hair was always messy, because it was straight and he used to run his hand through it at all times. Not that I was constantly looking at him but, it was a twitch I had gotten used to seeing since I had known him.

The boy had been my neighbor for two years now, and every Saturday it was the same, he would leave the house and not come back until the next day. Whenever I told my best friend about him leaving, he told me to just stay away from him, that if I really wanted to keep his trust I should just forget about that boy and move on with my life. But, it was so easy to say or think about it, but not do it. Somehow, being neighbors was making my life difficult because now it seemed that my walls wanted to know about him too and they were getting thinner so that I could hear from when he was leaving until when he arrived.

My best friend's older brother, Jooheon, was the neighbor's best friend. I knew this because I had already seen him in front of the boy's door with his car, a black '69 GTO convertible and a beer in his hand. The two of them got along great because every day since I lived there, they always went out at the same time, no matter what.

That night I was partying with my best friend and a girl with whom I had started to form a friendship because she was in the art department, although she was just a year younger than us.

“You're crazy if you think we're going to let you go.” And there I was, another Saturday night wanting to go wherever my neighbors were.

“I see you've been very interested in him for a long time, what do you think they are doing?” asked the girl while Jooheon and the idiot went inside their house.

“I really don't know, but since he came to this place I want-”

“You want nothing, God, stop making her get any ideas." scolded the boy to the other girl.

The room suddenly became silent, and then somehow, I started to feel my throat and stomach warm. “I don't understand why you don't want me to go.”

“We've talked about this a million times. I'm just protecting you.”

“But from what? I won't know if you don't let me come closer.” My voice was getting louder and louder until it exploded. “You won't let me get close but I know you're as curious as I am, Jooheon is your brother!”

“Jooheon comes back every morning smelling of alcohol and cheap women's perfume. There are always cigarettes in his car and I've found underwear in the glove compartment, do you really want to continue with that curiosity? I don't know exactly what those two do but, believe me, they don't go to a lake to drink and have fun, they have their plans, do strange things and then come back as if nothing had happened.”

“Didn't you try to tell your mother?" asked the younger girl, suddenly causing the boy to deny instantly.

“One of the rules Heon gave me was that I had to keep silence, first of all if, I wanted to continue living with him. Until I'm legal, I can't buy an apartment on my own." he said with a shrug.

Silence reigned again somehow. There was only the faint music of an American artist whom we did not really know.

Staying out until the morning, I can hear the door.

I can smell all the whiskey and the smoke on your breath.

A chill ran down my back and I sighed. “I'm sleepy guys, the day was really exhausting from the beginning and we have a test on Monday so I want to take tomorrow off at dawn to study." I said faster than I planned.

Because tonight, sleep was the last thing in my plans.

Once they had left my house, I went to my room to change my clothes. I put on something comfortable to keep up with them. With my shoes on, I left my house taking my car keys. The boys were leaving the house so I had to hide quickly behind the vehicle. I felt the heaviness in my chest from doing something against my morals.

The sound of the GTO engine took me out of my thoughts. They came quietly out of the parking lot, giving me time to get into my car and start it. My heart started pounding but I stayed focused and started following the boys' car with some distance. They were getting further and further away from the circle of places I knew, but my curiosity seemed to dominate at this point over reason. I knew that was a bad sign, but I had gone far enough to take it back.

The car quickly drove off the road into some black buildings. Now, I knew that if I followed them in there I would look very obvious, so I drove past the place and saw that there was no way out. They were parked in front of a wall that was purple because of the neon light up there. Debating whether to go or not, I finally turned off the vehicle and started getting out of it.

I walked to the large green door which was lit by the purple light, noticing that, from the wall, a strange vibration could be felt. Music. That's all it could be.

I opened the door and instantly smelled the stench of nicotine and liquor. There was a certain mixture of lotions and perfumes that made everything more intense. The door closed behind me, making me shudder. Hell, I wanted to go home.

Resigned, I began to walk around the place watching my feet because there seemed to be unevenness everywhere. The place was painted red, although it was because of the coloured lights on the sides of different walls. Red was the only thing you saw, everything was tinted and it seemed to be a much scarier place than it really was.

I took the first glass I saw, smelling the strong smell of tequila and mint. I grimaced a little and took a sip, as I put it back in its place again. I couldn't see the boys anywhere and that was starting to scare me. What if they were somewhere else and had deceived me?

I was overthinking the situation, when I felt a strong pull on my arm. Someone had taken me in a very firm manner. Before I could protest, the person who had alienated me showed his face.

And I saw him. I was dazed at seeing his face tinted by the red lights.

“I told you not to come, why don't you ever listen to me?”  my best friend, the one who always prohibited me to come to where his brother was, asked almost above the level of the music. My mind was beginning to wander, but I held on.

“What do you mean, don't come? You had told me that you had no idea what they were doing, and now it turns out that you are one of them?”

The boy rubbed his face lightly and took me by the shoulders. “You're crazy, they're going to kill you. Get out of here, now.”

That made my world stop. Kill?

“What are you saying?” But before he could even answer, the light went out making the music go away, causing all the people to scream. Several people beside me ran past, knocking me to the ground, and I feared the worst.

I squatted in fear without really knowing what to do, when I suddenly stopped and hit someone running in my direction. I felt a camera flash in my face and my stomach turned over. The flash went off leaving me stunned. The person took my hand and started running towards what appeared to be the other side of the room, opposite the direction of where the exit door was. Suddenly the screaming stopped and the door lock was heard being set. My legs shook and I swallowed hard. I didn't know anything about self-defense, so I thought about the only thing I was supposed to protect myself and that was my car keys. I grabbed, with each key I had between my fingers, making a fist with spikes in case this person got too far.

Then the light came, but not the artificial light. A natural light. A candle.

I looked at the back of the person who had lit the device, noticing a snake on his back. Oh God.

“You're lucky I brought you this far. People usually die in the state you were in, not to mention that it's your first time in the red house.”

My mind was spinning. Death? Red house?

“I'm sorry, I…”

“I know you don't understand anything, you don't have to worry, (Y/N). Things are simple…”

“Wait wait, how do you know my name?”

The boy smiled, but only because he didn't answer my question. “I am Changkyun, so we are even.”

A small silence formed. There were hasty footsteps on the other side of the door and desperate hands trying to find a room, I supposed.

“Quiet," he said, "no one is going to come in, but they can’t know that we’re here.”

“So, are you going to explain to me what this is all about?” I asked, anxiety in my voice.

“Listen, this place isn't for people like you," he said with a dark look in his eye. “Every Saturday there is a massive party where people come to play something like hide and seek," he said with a touch of mockery, but there was more to his voice than that. “There are people who are the "seekers", those who look for people to catch them, when the lights go out, people have ten minutes to run and hide without being able to leave the place, and when those ten minutes are over…”

A loud noise that made the whole building rumble was heard loud and clear. Changkyun smiled and looked at me. “It is time to play.”

The boy reached inside his jacket and looked at me before taking the goatee. “Don't leave here until I come back for you. Don't open the door for anyone, understand?”

My nod did not reach his eyes for he had already left the room and locked it again before closing the door behind him. I turned around to look around, finding a couch that looked warm, a rug in the middle of the room, and a mini-bar. I didn't want to wonder what the room was for because there were other strange surfaces.

I sighed as I sat on the couch with the candle in my hand. The idiot was into this kind of game, but I still didn't understand enough, what did he mean when he said it was time to play? The idea that this was a deadly game haunted me, but it couldn't be that murky. I unconsciously denied it by huddling more in my place. A few screams were heard outside the room, causing me to shiver. Good Lord, what was all that about?

I couldn't just stand here, what if I'd just been set up? Yes! That had to be it.

I approached the door slowly, removing the latch and preparing to leave when I felt the door open from the outside. It was Changkyun rushing in, panting without facing me. I looked at his back with curiosity, without blowing out the candle, he turned to see me. I could see the drops of what appeared to be blood on his shirt and face.

My body froze.

"Run"

My movements went faster than I thought trying to go around him to escape through the door that was still open, however a gust of wind hit my face when I noticed the door closing with twice the speed I was going. I closed my eyes in fear and lowered my head. Was I really going to die now?

“Raise your head, we must get out of here," he said, puzzling me.

“Aren’t you gonna kill me?” I asked, but he didn't answer. He walked past me and opened the only window in the room wide, tore the spring and squatted on the frame. And out of nowhere, I lost sight of him.

I screamed as I saw him fall. Rushing to the frame, I saw him standing in the grass on that side of the place. I wondered how come we were on the second floor if, in my memory, I hadn't walked up the stairs.

“Jump!” He shouted from below, showing his arms in front of him.

“You're crazy!” I shouted in annoyance looking behind me. There was no way he could make me jump.

“They're going to kill you. Come here.”

“How do I know you won't kill me?” I asked, scared, my throat tightening. I looked at the free fall I would have and felt the air get stuck in my chest.

”We'll go home, I promise, I'll tell you everything, but please come with me," he begged, and it was the first time I'd seen him this worried. He always used to look relaxed and without any worry in him, but the reality just now was different.

My shoulders fell in place. I would die anyway. The screams kept coming from the door, when it suddenly opened. The latch had never been set and now it was just me and death. I looked over my shoulder, noticing a figure approaching.

“Please!" was the last thing I heard before I fell freely through the door frame.

And everything went black.

A severe headache was constantly poking at my head. The back of my eyes hurt, as if I had been looking at the artificial light for a long time. I was cold and somehow I could think it was midnight. Hearing noise in the distance, I sat down where I had been lying. It was my living room, but there was someone else. My heartbeat quickly started to increase when I remembered a little of what had happened.

“You woke up. Here, I made you some tea, but I'm not good at anything that has to do with cooking so I don't think it tastes like anything," said the idiot, suddenly appearing with a half smile, rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort.

I tasted it and indeed, it tasted like nothing but bitter water, but I didn't tell him. I just took a deep breath and looked at it. He was looking at me so intently that I almost forgot what had happened. The stains on his shirt gave him away and he wasn't wearing his jacket.

“What happened," I asked, holding the cup in both hands so that he could give me some warmth. Changkyun sighed and sat down beside me. “You fainted, I think from the fright and the mixed emotions. I had no car, so I went through your pockets and found your keys and brought us home.”

Listening at his statement, I took a look outside my house seeing the car perfectly parked in the driveway. “Did you put your hands in my pants?” I asked with a scowl.

The boy instantly raised his hands in fright. “No, the keys were in your sweatshirt," he said, clearing his throat after that. “I'm sorry you were there, you really can't go back…”

“I want to know everything about that place, though…” Changkyun looked at me with doubt, and I put the cup down on the small coffee table. “You said you would explain everything if I threw myself out of the window, and here we are so start talking.”

“Well,” he was a bit quiet after that, as if trying to find the right words. “every Saturday there's a massive party at that place. Everyone knows about that party because of its high class alcohol and good vibes, but everything has its price. When it's eleven o'clock, the lights go out and people have to hide, of course, the ones who know what the game is about, the ones who don't, just run around senselessly. You have ten minutes to hide wherever you want in the house and when those ten minutes are up, the seekers come out to have some fun. What we call, "the wolf." Have you ever heard the nursery rhyme of, "We'll play in the forest while the wolf is away? Well, that's what it's about. They go out at ten past eleven to kill anyone they can get their hands on, lights out. When another ten minutes go by, the lights come back on and the party's over.”

My surprised face seemed to alarm him as he got nervous and looked down. “Once you enter the red house parties, you can't stop attending, because after that day, they know all about you and will do his best to see you die. The red house is a secret, no one should tell the police, and there has to be a winner. One that's left alive among all of us…”

“Then you and Jooheon…”

“Yes, he and I went into those parties three years ago, but after the first one we were as scared as anyone else. We left intact and tried to just forget about it and move on with our lives, but the seekers were smarter. They started sending us letters threatening to come back or kill anyone we came in contact with. We tried to move but nothing worked, so... We had no choice but to play the game.”

“But why are you the one who's full of blood? I could bet you're carrying a knife in your jacket right now.” I accused him, staring at his stained shirt.

“I'm carrying a knife because we've formed a clan. We're seven people from different places and ages who are willing to kill the seekers to end this nonsense, but... They have lots of henchmen, too, and every Saturday it seems to get harder.”

I looked at the clock on the wall in front of us striking twelve in the morning. I felt somehow agitated and helpless. “Jooheon’s little brother told me that you were beginning to be interested in going to the parties, but he never let you because we knew what you would be exposed to. He is an ally, not a member of the clan, but because of Jooheon he ended up in trouble. You were really warned, you have to run away, or dig a hole and stay there…’

‘What if I fight with you?’ I said but I felt I should have kept quiet. His gaze became darker as his breathing became heavier.

“I would never let you expose yourself to that, you are crazy.” His tone was so authoritative that I did not know whether I wanted to challenge him or obey his order.

“Listen, you said that somehow the seekers know who you are. Before I jumped out the window a man saw me, they know who I am already... I might as well die so let me fight for my life.”

“I can't let those bastards hurt you.”  his voice seemed to get deeper as time went by. “I won't let them touch a single strand of your hair.”.

His attitude took me by surprise. “Changkyun…” I tried to negotiate with him, come to an agreement.

My voice was interrupted as I was whipped on my back, with both of his hands around my wrists pinching any possible movement. I had him so close, God. He smelled of pure masculinity... of heavy, dark perfume mixed with sweat. I inhaled without wanting to look too harassing, but it was impossible to go unnoticed by the boy's eyes, who smiled so charmingly.

“You are not going to die... Not tonight, not ever," he whispered close to my lips. I stuck out my tongue as a reflection and that drew the boy's gaze upon me. His eyes connected with mine, directing them a few milliseconds to my lips and back to my eyes, as if to say let me kiss you.

I inhaled hard again filling my lungs with his scent, starting to feel the weight of his lips on mine. I closed my eyes on contact and I could swear I had tasted an aphrodisiac. The texture was so similar to silk but the depth with which he took me was so mesmerizing that my brain threatened to fade again. I opened my eyes, noticing her eyelashes lying so thinly on his cheeks, which were slightly flushed. His black bangs tickled my eyebrows because of the closeness. Slowly he let go of my wrists, giving me way to touching his shoulders and running my arms around his neck, as I felt his muscles contracting. One of his hands went down to my waist in circles, while the other remained steady on my cheek, not letting its weight fall entirely.

His back muscles tensed and relaxed as my tongue gently traced his lower lip, seeking to deepen the kiss. Changkyun gladly agreed to begin a delightful dance, each taking his time to delve into the other's body. Changkyun pressed his body against mine, causing me to gasp, which separated me from the kiss, causing us to open our eyes to see each other. His lips were tinged with a light and beautiful red, while I happened to notice a glint above his left eye. I reached out with one hand to clear his bangs and found a striking detail on eyebrow. A captivating perching that lit a flame inside me.

I brought him back to my lips and we enjoyed each other's company all night long. Maybe this game thing could be a reason to see each other more often.

I woke up in my room, in a horrible heat. My neck and back were sweating, which made me instantly sick. It was 7:00 in the morning and it was already so damn hot. I took a shower and went into the living room to find Changkyun's body lying on the couch. His jacket was on one of the kitchen chairs, so I went over to check it out. I reached into the first pocket, instantly pulling out the knife I knew he was carrying. It was partially covered in blood. Feeling an electric shock down my spine, I couldn't help but sigh deeply. At any rate, Changkyun was the good guy, right?

I found his cell phone, but I felt his stare on the side of my head. I turned around to see that Changkyun had woken up but not only that, he was looking directly at me.

“Are you looking for something that proves the opposite of what I showed you yesterday?”

“I am.” I said, nodding.

“Damn it, I thought everything was all right," he said in a hoarse voice, snatching his cell phone from me.

I frowned and shrugged. “You always have to be careful.”

That seemed to insult him as he looked at me skeptically. Not giving a second glance at him, I headed to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. The boy quickly went to the refrigerator to pour himself the same drink. I noticed the smell of last night with more intensity and turned around to see it. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

The liquid froze in my throat making me feel the sudden acidity, causing my body to cough slightly. The image that I had in my kitchen was worthy of admiration but I simply could not stand it at seven in the morning. Changkyun laughed and tapped my back.

“I'm sorry to surprise you, it's just that it's hot," he said as if it were the most normal thing to do. My eyes rolled back in their narcissism and I headed for my living room.

“Don't you want to take a shower?”

The boy moved his eyebrows suggestively. “Do you want to see me all wet and naked?”

My face turned a deep red and I had to refrain from throwing the remaining juice in the glass. “At your house, you idiot.”

“Yes, try to fix your horniness.” He said, taking his clothes. “I'll be back in a minute, princess.”

I fake gagged at the pet name and rolled my eyes. He put his shirt back on and left my house giving me time to breathe. God, couldn't I be in the same place as him for one more minute without thinking about indecent things?

After a few minutes of searching for something to watch on netflix, I settled down on my couch when the doorbell rang.

“It's still open.” I yelled because I assumed it was Kyun, but no one came in. Strange. I got up from my place opening the door, finding Jooheon’s brother.

“Can I come in?" he asked hesitantly. I looked at him in surprise, and without saying anything to him, I moved away from the door to let him in. “I only came to apologize for having lied to you about not knowing anything. I also came to see if you were all right.” His look never connected with mine, which bothered me to some extent. I crossed my arms and looked at him.

“I don't understand why you did it, but I guess it doesn't matter now, it just matters to get out of that silly game.”

“Did Changkyun explain everything to you?” I nodded and cleared my throat.

“Yes, he brought me home.”

He played with his hands and reached into his jacket bag. Taking out a small envelope, he gave it to me. “Don't trust anyone.” He whispered before he left, making me scoff. Yeah right, look who says that.

Once the boy left my house, I took the envelope in both hands and sighed. There was no sign of Changkyun returning from his home, so I tore the white envelope and found a half-wrinkled note with somewhat illegible handwriting, but which clearly said, "Welcome to the game.” with my name in the bottom right corner. There was an extra note that made my heart start beating fast. I was beginning to think that my best friend, if I could still call him that, had more ideas about the game than others might have. I shook my head and sighed, I couldn't do that to Changkyun and Jooheon, they had somehow kept an eye on me all this time.

The doorbell of my house rang, making me shudder, to quickly put the letter in the first drawer I saw. I took three deep breaths and then approached the door. I opened it to find the boy with a purple hoodie and a gray pantsuit. I smiled at him as calmly as possible and invited him in.

Saturday again. I had contacted my best friend several times after that letter. He assured me that he did not know absolutely about its contents but I knew that he was lying to me. Now he would take me to the building, winning over Changkyun whom I had to refuse the offer.

Speaking of Changkyun, we had both had meetings at the other's house, more casual than I would have thought. He rarely went over the line and always used to make the times much more comfortable. We had not reached the stage where we had gone to bed for any purpose other than sleep, and somehow he felt that he was waiting for something.

At ten o'clock, the car parked in front of my house. I was just about to leave when I noticed my best friend coming into my house at a fast pace with a box in his hands. He scanned my body, noticing my red satin dress and my silver heels. He smiled and took my hand.

“I think I have something for you," he said, pulling out a black dress that was supposed to be attached to my body, halfway up my thigh and angel wings of the same color. I looked at him skeptically and he laughed. “Come on, it's part of the deal if you want to come to the party after all, and I know Changkyun will not resist you with this on.”

I took the garment in my hands and took a big breath of air. Would he really?

I didn't think about it anymore. Going to my room and putting on my clothes. A chill ran down my back but I did not let the feeling of fear win over me, just taking a couple of deep breaths before returning to the room where my friend was sitting on the couch with his cell phone in his hands. When he saw me, he smiled broadly and took my hand to walk on my feet. “Damn, you look beautiful. Let’s go now, there’s a boy you must conquer tonight.”

That night I felt that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life but at the same time I thought… Do I really have to do this to come out alive? Could the game end after all?

We entered the building. The walls were moving at the sound of the song playing currently...

My breath got stuck in my throat when I located the boy I was there for. Changkyun saw me with such a penetrating and seductive look. He was wearing leather jeans alongside a short-sleeved satin shirt with different colored patterns, purple, blue, yellow and red. There was a chain on his pants and from his neck fell a necklace of what appeared to be a gold chain. His hair was disheveled, although it had a specific direction and that was his right, raised slightly upwards allowing me to see his forehead and his piercing to perfection. As we connected glances, he smiled openly at me. My throat closed for a moment, leaving me breathless, but I managed to look normal to his scrutinizing gaze.

Apologize, never apologize

You hate the way I lie

So here you go, I'm being honest

“Hey, are you a fallen angel?" he asked, touching his fingertips to the wings tied behind my back. I smiled and denied that question.

“No, I only came to find a demon with which to play tricks in this destroyed world." I said, approaching him tentatively. At my boldness, I noticed how his gaze darkened a little.

“Then it's your lucky day, because I'll be the one to deny you entry to heaven, honey.”

Narcissist, come on, give us a kiss

Let's have some fun with it

It's kinda sweet...

Both of us, with the look of some children with a new toy, starting to head for the same place. It was still early, so the seekers and his henchmen didn't worry us at all. Once inside the room we had been in a week ago, Changkyun locked the door, his back at me. At the sight of his legs inside those leather pants, I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip. Thoughts of impurity began to tingle in my mind, causing my temperature to rise constantly.

Once the boy began to approach me, I felt that I still had a way out and that everything could change at any moment. That I still had time to take it back. But then he planted his lips on mine and all I could think about was "Shit."

The situation was getting deeper and more exciting. It tasted bitter, as if it had tasted blood itself before it kissed me. The slight taste of alcohol flooded my taste buds as his tongue investigated my palate. Our tongues brushed against each other, sending shivers down my spine. Jesus.

His scent was beginning to make me dizzy. Too manly and addictive, it made me want more, like nicotine straight into my bloodstream. I gasped for air, which the boy agreed to do by separating himself from me. In less time than I thought, my back was on the couch in the room, my eyes looking directly into his irises that I could hardly discern from the lack of light, since the only light there was the red LED light that was all over the building. His skin was slightly pinkish. His touch traced my figure in an exquisite manner, making me feel a warm path where he posed his fingertips.

Four in the morning, you're changing the locks

How could you do this to me?

I placed my hands around his neck and brought my lips close to his, nibbling on the soft, tender skin. His moles covered some extremities of his body provoking me to mark each and every one with marks that could become darker for the next morning. He was mine. Changkyun was mine for the night.

I only love you when you don't love me

Oh, baby, so, why do you love me?

His hands pulled the wings off my back in a slow and torturous manner causing the air to get stuck in my lungs with no escape. His lips went to my collarbones making me separate from him. His tongue began to trace the exposed skin smiling on the way. With his hands, he slipped the straps over my shoulders to drag the dress to my lower body. That's when I leaned on the bed with my feet pushing my hips up so he could finish pulling the garment out.

He smiled at the sight and stood on his knees on either side of my waist to remove his shirt. Every button he undoes means one more step towards one of my deepest fantasies. His torso was exposed, with only his chain resting lazily on his torso. His marked abdomen prompted me to run my tongue over it to taste his sweet flesh and be ecstatic about the ragweed.

I sat up on my elbows looking at the belt that clung to his pants, asking permission with my eyes to help him with that task. Changkyun took the hint and laid down beside me, letting out a gasp. I smiled as it dawned on me that we were at the edge of the cliff, but if it was with him, I would give it my all.

I sat on his lap, feeling his bulge against my core. I gasped at the sensation and made my way to unbuckle the black belt with the silver buckle. I removed the garment in two moves and now, I needed to unbutton his pants. I ran my tongue over my lower lip, directing my hands at a slow speed to tempt his patience, which did not seem to last long. The boy raised his hip to me, grunting underneath.

“What's the matter, kitty, do you want me to help you with your torturous pain?" I asked in a voice that was as if in velvet as I squeezed the right places to make him delirious. “Learn how to beg, darling.”

My index finger began to sway over the boy's covered member, which drove him crazy. He looked at me with his lust filled eyes. “Do it. Please.”

He mumbled that last word, more against his will. With a smile, I removed the button from his leather jeans, dragging the cloth down his thighs. Then I stared at his underwear with a hungry look. The boy noticed my glance and with one movement I was at his mercy again under his body.

“Well played, angel, but in this game you must learn who is in charge," his voice so damned hoarse made my body eager with the sound. The boy took off my bra with one hand, looking agitated. My head dropped back quickly at the sensations. My center began to vibrate with the music in the background.

Without being able to wait a second longer, he removed my underwear by tapping the middle finger of his left hand on my bundle of nerves.

“God..." I hissed at the feeling of that digit, groping on forbidden ground.

The boy smiled as he took off his only remaining cloth, positioning himself on me. We looked at each other for a minute. A long minute, where I could read his eyes. Pure, raw lust.

His member was slowly and pleasantly buried inside me. My hip was raised by the reflection, making me take a big breath of air. I was not a virgin but, it had been so long and the sensation was new and delirious.

“Welcome to hell, little angel," he whispered as he began his deep pounds on me. My face broke into pure moaning and unexplained sounds as I enjoyed the sensation produced by her touch.

The moment reached its peak, approaching with a great electric shock that ran from the tips of my feet to the surface of my head. We both came in unison, creating an exquisite harmony to the contrast of his deep voice and mine. Our gasping and gasping breaths spoke for themselves. Our glances spoke what our mouths couldn't. The connection we created in that instant was so strong and powerful that I thought it would fade. The red light around us fell in a minute, leaving us in darkness. The smell of liquor and sex surrounded us without shame.

In the face of that darkness. The boy came out of me causing one last tremor. And that was the sign. I crawled to my clothes strewn over the arms of the sofa, pulling a knife from the wings of my costume.

I'm fucking crazy, you're fucking crazy, we're all fucking crazy;

I held my breath for a minute.

And then, exhaled hard.

I couldn't see anything at all, and that made everything strangely interesting. I gasped away, crawling to the edge of the sofa where the light was slightly off. And then I saw him.

I noticed how his skin glowed with sweat and his eyes darkened. The light coming in from the window helped me to identify his eyes. His torso was still naked but the bottom was on the dark side of the sofa.

“Pity angel, you decided to be seduced by the ideas of living in a world of lies.”

I drew my knife dangerously close to his naked abdomen. His breathing became faster and his heart began to beat erratically. The metal device I held in my hands began to trace his chest slowly, delineating his skin, his outline. The boy looked at me, some kind of mix between horror and pleasure on his features. Happy in how the game had turned out, I took his jaw with my free hand looking directly at him. A smile spread across my face and I instantly noticed the boy's eyes opening wide, looking up at me, like begging for mercy.

I began to apply more pressure on his chest by opening a slight cut. The air got stuck in my throat, forcing me to continue.

“Only then will we set you free. Kill the leader of the snake clan. Kill Changkyun. It's an easy job, don't you think?"

I closed my eyes trying to make the seekers boss' voice disappear from my ears. My jaw clenched tightly as I struggled with my subconscious about the real right decision.

“Please...” his voice came out in a thread of voice as I felt the burning in his chest, but maybe not because of the physical wound but because of the wound in his heart.

“Oh no," I said with a smile, denying in the process. “No. Your glory days are over, kitty.” I took the impulse, and then, to add more drama to the matter, I asked. “Your last words, Changkyun?

Great was my surprise to see him looking much darker than ever before. With a confused look on my part, I heard him say. “Do you know what they say at the end of every game?”

I jumped up and down as I felt his hand grab my wrist. He dropped me on the arm of the sofa using my own hand, now in the opposite direction, showing the edge to me. With a serious and firm look, he approached my ear whispering the words that were about to dictate my death.

“I knew you wouldn’t be brave enough. It’s time to say game over… (Y/N)”

[son-fuori-di-me]

"I had no idea I could change someone's life."

One Shot. Word Count | Around 3300. Description | <French female pov> you're visiting Rome for the first time, and you casually meet Damiano David the day before the Circo Massimo concert. The conversation takes a unexpected path.

Content | Real talk. No romantic development. * Expect French idioms and italian approximations from automatic translators

---

"Bordel, c'est immense !" ("Holy cow, that's big !") I said, looking at the Circo Massimo.

It was my first time in Rome. Knowing Italy a bit, I expected a hell lot of sun, a delicious bunch of ice cream for each meal, and tons of pretty things to snap with my phone. Well, that was the plan for my first two days there. Cause Saturday would be a very different day. Saturday would be Måneskin day.

I've been waiting for so long to do this trip. And what a blast it has been for now. Took only a bag, my external battery, some makeup and my favourite clothes to finally discover this astonishing city. This was my first solo trip. I've always travelled with my family or my ex, but never on my own. For once, I could decide what I wanted to see, what I wanted to eat, when to take a break. And as there are plenty of things to see in Rome, i wanted to enjoy every second of my trip. I could focus my last day there solely to the Måneskin concert happening that Saturday night. But as I didn't want to leave anything to chance, I decided to precisely organize my last day, so I could visit a bit more - a get a last fantastic meal before the concert.

I got myself a gold pit ticket. I guessed that would mean I had a special queue. So on Friday night, as I was back from a late tour in town, I decided to watch more closely the Circo, to check for the entrances, and see how I could sharpen my organization and schedule for the next day.

"J'espère que je vais pas avoir à poireauter toute la journée, avec la chaleur qu'il va faire." ("I hope won't have to hang around here all day tomorrow, the weather's gonna be hot as hell")

It was almost 10 pm. I was getting closer to the Circo, trying to read the boards, but all was written in italian and didn't seem to concern the concert. And a year fangirling over Måneskin clearly wasn't enough to become fluent. I saw no sign mentioning "gold pit". So I decided I would ask around, with Google translate ready in my phone in case I couldn't find anyone speaking English.

I saw a guy sit on a bench, smoking. He was dressed in an ugly dark sweater, with the hood over a cap. He was either a drug dealer or a hobbo. My instinct as a girl living in Paris got the uphand and I decided to ignore the guy and try to find a woman instead, or maybe a group of locals, to get me the information I wanted. Unfortunately, after a good 20 minutes walking around and asking people, no one could tell me how to make sure I find the right queue for the concert. I was about to give up and head back to my airbnb and I saw a silhouette still sitting on a bench, near the Circo. It was the same guy from earlier. "Bon, je tente, s'il est trop chelou, je me barre." ("Well, might as well take the risk, if he's too much a weirdo, I clear off quickly.")

"Scusi, do you speak English ?" i said, getting closer to the guy, but still from a good distance in case it turned wrong.

"Pretty good. You need something ?" He was searching something in his pockets and reached his pack of cigarettes. His voice was deep, but gentle. He did look funny but didn't sound dangerous - i still didn't get too close as I hate the smell of smoke.

"Do you know well il Circo Massimo ? I'm going to a concert here tomorrow and I want to make sure I find the right queue, but they haven't installed any sign yet". I asked, showing the structure of the stage behind me.

"Cute accent, where are you from ?" he answered, completely ignoring my question.

"Well, I'm French. So, do you know il Circo ?" I preferred to quickly repeat my question to let him know I wasn't interested in whatever he was trying to.

"Ah, Bonjour ! I speak a little French !" He said, now reaching for his lighter.

"Yeeaaaah cool, but how about the Circo ? I'd like to be here early enough, but I don't know wh-" I froze as he lighted up his cigarette. It was brief, but with the spark, I saw his face for a second.

"Hm ? You don't know what ?" He asked, with a smirky voice.

"Mais naaaan ?" ("Dont tell me -") I let out that typical French astonished sound without thinking. "You gotta be kidding me !"

He laughed as I was getting a little closer, staring at him. With one hand, he was putting his lighter back in his pocket, with the other, he lifted a bit his cap. It was him. It was Damiano.

I felt my spine shiver with that uncomfortable sensation of being around someone famous. As a journalist, I had my lot of interviews, so I knew there's no point in changing behavior around such people. But I still was flabbergasted to see him.

"Sorry, I didn't recognize you. Well, gotta say you're not dressed in your best outfit !" I chose the strategy of sass, to hide how impressed I actually was.

"That's my favourite sweater you're seeing me in, and I'm smoking hot in it" He said with a smirk, getting into the sassy game.

"Time off before the big day ?" I asked, completely forgotting about my initial request and switching to my interview mindset when I'm super focused about the conversation. "Shouldn't you be having a great night of sleep, to recharge your batteries ?"

"I don't feel like going to bed" He said, having no idea how the conversation would soon turn. Fortunately for him, I wasn't working in the music media industry. "That's quite a stage we're gonna play on."

I didn't know why he was talking to me about all of this. I didn't dare to ask him either. I just enjoyed the moment.

"Well, the Eurovision song contest was bigger, wasn't it ?"

"Hm, don't tell me about it, I still don't know how I managed that."

He suddenly had a strange tone in his voice. It didn't sound like the radiant and confident Damiano you see on Instagram stories or on TV interviews. I remembered where I heard him like that. In the 2019 documentary "This is Måneskin", the making of Il Ballo Della Vita album, in the sequence he's arguing with Vic on a train, as he tells her how anxious he can be get sometimes.

"Well, you did, didn't you ?" I put on a more serious voice. "And you had a ton more of pressure, representing your whole country ? So how a concert here in your home town could be worst than performing in front of all of Europe - not to say the whole world ?"

He was still smoking, listening in silence.

"Or maybe it isn't about how big the performance is but about performing in itself ? Why are you performing ? Why are you putting on a show ? All those fancy clothes and that makeup, who is it for ? For people to love you ? Or for you to love yourself ?"

Mais qu'est-ce que je branle ? Il va se barrer dans deux secondes, là c'est sûr (What the fuck am I doing ? He's leaving any second now.) I got a bit too excited about being able to share a few words with him. What's gotten onto me ? Well, let's go then.

"What is it you're running after ? Or running from maybe ? Some complex to compensate ? With all that smudge and confidence, that wouldn't surprise me."

He sat back on the bench. As he inhaled a deep breath of smoke, I saw a smile on his face. But I also saw his hand holding the cigarette shaking.

"Are you a psychiatrist or something ?" He simply said, as if he was trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

I hesitated to tell him the truth. I was sure he would walk away the second he would know my actual job. Et puis merde, autant tout dire. (Well, fuck, might as well be honest.)

"Nope, I'm a journalist." I admited, as he looked right back at me with a surprised look. "Pretty much the same. We get appoitments with random people, listen to their life, observe their body language, and tell them our whole opinion about all of it, which might very well shape how they perceive themselves from now on."

"Only difference is that you don't have to keep anything secret. Right the contrary."

There. This was it. He was gonna leave now, for sure.

"Before you go, did I hit any truth ? Don't worry, I'm not in the music media industry, I won't write anything from our conversation." I hoped this information would save me a few more seconds with him.

He didn't answer right away. He didn't leave either. He kept looking at me, still smoking his second cigarette in a row now.

"Whatever it is you write about, I guess you must be good at it" he finally replied. "Cause you did score a few points."

Another short silence broke. As a fan, I was obsessed with his music, lyrics, and attitude. But catching a glimpse of what lied behind the glamour definitly caught my interest. I wanted to know more.

"Why are you here ?" I slightly deepened my voice, getting back to my interview tone, and kept on going with this as if that was usual business for me. "It's half past 10. You play on Rome's largest stage tomorrow. You surely better should be in bed, or be about to, before the big day."

In that moment, I had the upper-hand in the conversation. He was sat on the bench, I was on my feet in front of him, and therefore above him. Not the best approach to get someone's trust for an interview, but with a personnality like Damiano's, you gotta put your own show.

"I actually don't sleep much before big events like these" He finally answered, accepting his condition as an interviewee. "I don't sleep much at all."

"You're tend to insomnia ?"

"Not really, I just got used to 4-5 hours of sleep, that's it."

"Even during tours ? Cause this all sold-out European tour for Teatro d'Ira must have been exhausting".

"You have no idea, bellezza."

"So tell me." From there, I decided to change my strategy and sat on the ground, still in front of him, but giving him the upper-hand, to put on a more trustful atmosphere. "How are you doing ? And I don't mean, like casual 'yay, fine', I mean : how are you doing ?"

I still have no idea of my tactical move of giving him more space to express himself worked, or if he understood right away where I was leading him, but in the end, he still didn't seem bothered by this conversation we were having. In fact, it looked like he was enjoying it.

"I'm... content, I'd say." He paused, and I didn't interrupt him with another question this time. "I know I'm going through the life I wanted. The music, the tours, the praise. It's all I could have ever asked for."

D'accord, très bien, mais ? (Okey, very good, but ?) I stayed silent, but I couldn't help anticipating what he was saying.

"But surprisingly, sometimes it's still... unfulfilling. Like I can never be satisfied".

Repressing some Hamilton's lyrics from my mind, I innocently pretend I didn't fully understand what he meant - another journalistic technique, to get someone to repeat themselves with other words in order to get them deeper into their reflexion.

"What do you mean, "never be satisfied" ? You're on top of Spotify chart list, your albums are now platinum successes, you're winning awards. How is this not satisfying ?"

"It's just... What are all those things for ? Money ? Fame ? Yeah, I like those but..."

"Typical Capricorn" I muttered, to slide in the conversation that I actually knew pretty well my subject - my subject being him. He chuckled.

"Damn really ? Let me guess ? Aries ?"

"Pisces+Taurus, actually. So what, you don't like being famous ?" Getting back quickly into more questions - another technique to keep control over the rhythm of an interview.

"It's not that I dislike it. It's just... not always as fun as I thought it would be."

"What part of the job ? The writing and composing ?"

"No, that's the best part." He reached for a third cigarette. It was almost 11 pm now. "Vic, Thomas and Ethan. Måneskin. They're the best thing that ever happened to me".

"Then what, you feel like a fraud ?"

"Hell, no ! I'm exactly where I should be." He claimed, with a light pride tone.

"So, if you're proud of what you create, and if you love the people you create that with, then what is the matter ? If life is about getting the Bare Necessities, it seems like you got it all." Hitting with a universal - and musical - reference. Shoud do the trick.

"Hahaha ! Lo stretto indispensabile, si ! But life isn't that easy." He said laughing, as I felt he started to let go of the tension. "In real life, you get judged all the time, and people try to dismantle you, and spread rumors."

"I didn't think you'd be one to listen to people's comments about you".

"I'm not. I stopped giving credits to those. But it's still here, you know ?"

"From what I see, you're keeping it real, with lots of wisdom. I can't quite grasp what seem to bother you."

He paused, looking at his feet for a few seconds.

"I'm afraid it won't last." He finally confessed. "I'm afraid it all ends as quickly as it all started. I'm afraid people get bored. I'm afraid I become a caricature of myself. I'm afraid I can't write new songs. I'm afraid to be a shooting star, you see ? Very bright, but gone in a flash."

"Like, to be an Icare ? Or may I say "Ykaaar" like on your Instagram ?"

He chuckled again.

"Huh, I'm that obvious ?"

"Yeah, even a bit over-the-top, if I may dare say so."

"Well, I've always related so much with this mythological figure. I mean what's wrong with aiming for the Sun ?" He said, pointing a hand to the dark sky above us. From his attitude, I could tell he was way more relaxed than in the beginning. He even took his cap and hood off, so I could now see his face more clearly. His eyes were glittering. "Burning your wings... What's that morale supposed to teach us ? Be modest ? Be moderate ? Che noia !" (How boring !)

"Well don't be !" I felt almost like scolding him. "There's nothing wrong with seeking big dreams. As there's nothing wrong with this feeling of being outrun by your life. Savour the moment. Every second of it. It's because you can't know how long it may last that it tastes so good, so thrilling ! And you actually already are ten steps ahead ! Writing songs like ´Torna a casa' or ´Coraline' at, what, 19-20 years old ? You're the real deal, dude. And even if later on, you get blank page anxiety or write just good-enough songs, it's okey. You got plenty of time to make mistakes. Take the leap of faith. Failing and being a failure aren't the same. You learn, you grow from it. It's okey to doubt yourself, but please, don't ever doubt all the love and support you get."

I paused, hoping I didn't do too far and missed my point. But in a way, I could also feel I got it right. He was looking at the Circo, his eyes even more sparkling than before.

"I..." He got up, standing on the bench, looking as tall as a statue from my perspective. He came down and took a few steps. I got on my feet, starting to feel concerned about what I just said.

"I didn't know I needed to hear that." He finally confided. "I always wanna reach perfection. I'm aware I can be authoritative, sometimes even harsh, on the band. I can't accept to be a failure. But love and support, that, I can't get enough of."

I didn't respond. There was nothing to add. This instant felt like an hour. The wind was slightly blowing through the length of the Circo in front of us. His hair reflected the gentle light of the moon, only showing her first quarter. He broke the tranquility of the moment, turning and taking a few steps in my direction.

"Grazie mille" he said, his arms opened, calling for a hug.

"But, you're very welcome" I said approaching him, softly putting my arms on his back as he put his over my shoulders. The second before his face disappeared from my vision, i noticed a tear on his cheek.

"You've completed reset my mind. I feel like I can start all over again. I was anguished, trapped by my anxiety. But it's all gone now. You've changed me. Thank you, thank you so much" He affirmed full of hope, his voice shivering.

"Wow, well. I had no idea I could change someone's life." I answered, trying to hide how moved I myself was from the conversation.

------

It was almost midnight now. We kept talking for a while, comparing life in Rome and Paris, exchanging what was our best concert experiences. But he still needed to get back home to rest before the concert, and I didn't want to arrive too late at my airbnb - even if I could have spent the whole night talking with him. Yet, to enjoy our last few minutes together, he offered to walk me back to where I was staying. It was just a 15 minutes walk, along the Tevere river bank.

"So tell me." he asked with a smirk. "How does the Bare Necessities go in French ?" He started to muffle the melody.

"Oh no, you don't expect me to actually sing it ?"

"Hehe, you got me into a therapy session, so I can get a little song from you, no ?"

"Damn, you. This is blackmail !" But drunk on the moment, I took a deep breath.

"Il en faut peeeeeeu pour être heureux, ("Look for the baaaaare necessities,") vraiment très peu pour être heureux, ("the simple bare necessities") il faut se satisfaire du nécessaire !" ("Forget about your worries and your strife")"

I started dancing along, if I had to be ridiculous, might as well utterly be. But he actually followed my lead, clicking his fingers.

"In fondo, baaaasta il minimo, ("I mean the baaaaare necessities") sapessi quanto è facile ("Old Mother Nature's recipes") Trovar quel po' che occorre per campar ! ("That brings the bare necessities of life !")

We kept on singing Disney songs for a few minutes as we walked at a slow pace - I was shocked he never saw Tarzan and immediately made him promise to watch it as i told him Phil Collins recorded all the songs in five languages, including Italian. When we finally reached my destination, we exchanged a last timid hug as farewell.

"Well, I'll see you on stage tomorrow." I told him as I crossed the street.

"And I'll look for you in the crowd !" He shouted with the brightest smile on his perfect face.

** the end **

[oingo233]

Rapture is a Boy (7)

Summary: Remus and you have always had a playful, loving relationship but his behavior around the full moon leads you to assume the worst. A huge fight ends with the two of you heartbroken. Will Remus reveal the truth behind his behavior?  And will you still love him afterwards or has he truly lost you forever?

Young Remus Lupin x Reader(neutral)

Warning: cussing, some school taunting/bulling?(very brief and not anything super bad, like under the cut), ABBA mania/silliness

Authors Note: For best experience I have linked the song in the song title so you can listen while you read. I wrote this in a haze of excitement, it is just so silly but I have no trouble believing the Marauders would completely embarrass themselves like this for someone they love.  Enjoy!

Word Count: 3.2k

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight

                                                    Part Seven

                                       ****Take A Chance On Me****

The great hall was silent, I had to actively keep my eyes off of the boys just a couple seats down.  Lily was trying her hardest not to stare with longing and regret too.  I placed my hand within hers and squeezed as if to say I’m here for you, and though it isn’t my fault, I’m sorry.  She squeezed my hand back, returning the sentiments, and bounced back with a smile, pretending to be happier than she was.  I wanted to roll my eyes at her change of mood but instead I appreciate the attempt to brighten the morning.  You can always count on Lily Evans to empathize and surprise in every situation.

We heard it before we saw it.  Loud, pulsing sound.  As it got closer I couldn’t help the gasp that fell embarrassingly loud from my mouth.  It was one of our favorite muggle bands, Abba, their song was blasting through corridors Take a Chance on Me, but there was no lyrics yet, just the background music as if waiting for the performers. Just like it had countless times before on karaoke nights with the marauders.

Suddenly, the great hall doors were slammed open by two large flying speakers, obviously charmed.  A feeling of knowing washed over me and I whip my head towards the boys. Just in time to watch as they climb onto the table, their faces adorned with a beautiful blue color, Remus in gold. 

Lily sucked in a deep breath beside me while watching James standing tall despite the spouts of laughter. Sirius throws off his robe, it lands on the head of a flabbergasted Gryffindor, Sirius is revealed to be wearing bright blue bell bottom sparkly pants, his white school button up is tucked underneath. 

 Remus was right after him, throwing off his robes and ripping off his shirt.  Buttons flew onto the people around them but no one paid them any mind.  All eyes were on the infamous Marauders, because Remus was now wearing a sparkly blue jumpsuit just like the ones ABBA preform in, with flare pants as to match the rest of the boys  His gold lips sparkled and I had to stop myself from wanting to kiss him senseless. His eyes seemed even brighter under the gold hue of his makeup, he was golden.

 Nothing was more attractive then the confidence and savvy of the boys before us(didn’t help that I had a fat crush on David Bowie and ABBA).  Nothing sweeter than the way they stood and smiled at Lily and I while everyone around us laughed, pointed, whispered and some even smiling themselves.

Sirius picked up a cup by his foot, while James threw off his own robes, wearing an ABBA band shirt Lily bought him ages ago, he was wearing swaying bell bottoms too.  Peter flipped his robe inside out to reveal the other side as bright blue with obviously badly glued on glitter, clusters of glitter fell on the table very time he nervously tapped his foot.  

Remus brought his wand to his lips, as if a microphone and somehow the lanterns around us dimmed.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, getting over the shock much faster than everyone else, but whatever he was going to say was cut off as the music started to play from the very beginning and this time the voices of four boys joined in, singing the lyrics.

The lights flashed as James sang first, his voice cracking and in the fleeting light you could see him blush. Lily slapped my arm in shock and excitement. Then light flashes again like lightning, as Sirius joined in, singing much louder, he always said he’d like to be a rock star just once (granted this is much different, but he will no doubt pretend there is no difference at all).  The next light cued in Peter who sang with his eyes closed, his voice shaking with nerves but he new every line.

It wasn’t until the second verse that their voices died down and the lanterns illuminated the great hall completely again as Remus’s voice rang out strong and clear.  His eyes on me. His voice took my breath away, he sounded both awful and yet beautiful.

“If you’re all alone,” he sings, “When the pretty birds have flown,” gasps join in with the music as hundreds of paper doves fly in through the doors, whizzing past me and putting my hair in array, then soaring way over my head, circling up in the ceiling. I could hear Professor McGonagall stifle both her surprise and joy.  Everyone was laughing and cheering, but then silence fell again to listen.  I could not take my eyes off of Remus, who in turn, would not take his eyes off of me.

“Honey, I’m still free, Take a chance on me...” He must have finished his solo part because the boys start to sing along after that and they all begin to strut down the table towards us like a cat walk. Remus stops just short of us and hops, on beat, off of the table.

Peter, James and Sirius walk right towards me. Sirius slitting his eyes and stooping low, pointing at me with one hand as he sings into the cup with the other.  They all stand in front of Lily and I, hips shaking to the beat and James has eyes for Lily only. All the boys sang to us in union.

“If you need me, let me know, gonna be around,” Sirius eye’s turning oddly soft as they sang, “If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down.“

Then they quickly turn towards the crowd again, but I felt it. I felt their hidden apology. For the first time in days I felt some of my anger and sadness slip from me, with every lyric, and every bright, bashful smile.  My anger left me as they sang and embarrassed themselves for the sake of a grand apology.

 Lily started to laugh. She doubled over and tried to hide her smile with a hand but it was just too ridiculous, all of it really was. James did a double-take when he saw this, then he broke out into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, and his voice no longer sounded so shy. I start giggling myself as Sirius jumps off the table like a rock n roller and dances over to Minnie and Dumbledore, their foot tapping did not go unnoticed by him.

James waltz over to Lily and bows low before her, extending his arm, he sings “We can go dancing,” Lily giggled and takes his hand, she surprises everyone and joins in 

“We can go walking,” She sings. James smirks and carries on with a raised brow.

“As long as we’re together...” Then he runs with her past the table, his pants waving and tossing, Lily’s laughing uncontrollably by his side, joining in indefinitely for the song.  Remus’s voice still rang loudest over the boys, my eyes searching for him in the room, I seem to have lost him in the commotion of others jumping up and dancing, and the sweet moment between James and Lily.

Then their voices left the serenade and once more it was just Remus.  He sounded so close to me, I turned around and my heart did a back flip. He was right behind me, smiling sadly as he say...

“When I dream I'm alone with you, it's magic You want me to leave it there Afraid of a love affair But I think you know that I can't let go” Remus sings, everyone falling quite again as the lights dim once more and a single light is glowing above us. It was in the shape of a white butterfly, and a shooting star darting around it.  The great hall grew silent once more.  Dumbledore’s voice was heard quietly singing the song, for the music has died down, Minnie hit him and watched us anxiously.  

She only grew tenser as Remus sang without music, he looked so vulnerable under the soft white glow and under the eyes of everyone in the room.  But above that, he was being vulnerable to me, his voice more of a plead than song. 

“If you change your mind, I'm the first in line Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me If you need me, let me know, gonna be around If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down,” He finished with baited breath, despite his lungs begging for more, he was too focused on what I would do next. I take a deep breath and stop fighting the feelings inside of me. I smile brightly up at him, using my own wand, I bring it up to my lips like a microphone too.

“If you’re all alone, when the pretty birds have flown.  Honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me.” I sing. Remus’s face lights up with bubbling laughter and pure joy.  He takes me in his arms and spins me around, while we embrace the music and lights are back on and everyone in the great hall is singing.  Minnie and Dumbledore included, she is smiling at us.

Remus stops spinning and is just standing before me now, very still, as if he was debating whether this is all a dream or not.  His glittering eyes boring into mine with such strong emotions I felt trapped, utterly entranced. The words of the song rush through me like the wind, he grabbed my hand softly, and led us both on top of the table.

 “Let me tell you now.  My love is strong enough, To last when things get rough, it’s magic.” As he sings those sweet words, magic fireworks erupt above us in little cheesy hearts of red. Students around us are overjoyed, up themselves and twirling around, dancing.  Many gasped and awed at the fireworks, but nothing was more astonishing than what happened next.

                                                       ****

Now, was what happens next petty?  Yes.  Did it land all of the Marauder detention?  Yes.  Did any of us enjoy the scene any less? Not at fucking all...

                                                       ****

All the birds swooped down in a cloud of white, their paper wings rustling against one another.  They moved like the wind, swooping as one to the right side of the room and then drifting swiftly to the left until they got lower and lower.  Until they were right over Lucy Diamond.

I stopped dancing with Remus and stood still, along with most of the students and teachers I was watching the birds.  But Remus was still singling softly into my ear, his voice dripped with mischief, the other boys still sang as well, sounding just as suspicious, but otherwise unbothered.

Then the birds broke formation and with every hit of the drum a bird flew down over the top of Lucy’s head, and very quickly shits something atop her head.  Each one falls softly, it does not hurt her, but upon impact they break open and release the most god awful smell. Lucy can’t stop screaming, she tries to get up and run but the birds follow her out the door.

Stink bomb after stink bomb was dropped atop her head.  The Great Hall was alive with laughter, but perhaps the loudest of all, was my own.  Remus was stilling humming in my ear, highly amused he let himself watch too until Lucy was gone from sight.

“Oh, Remus,” I say, laughing loudly, “That is evil.” He laughs too, looking down at me he shrugs. We look at each other and nod, “She deserves it.” We say in union before laughing again.

But then the music screeched to a halt, silence overtook us in waves and drowned us as Dumbledore stood up, his wand being tucked back into his robes.   

“Mr.Remus Lupin,” he starts slowly, his low voice gathering everyone’s attention, “Mr.Sirius Black.  Mr.James Potter and Mr.Peter Pettigrew.  I assume this is of your doing?” He inquires, though the answer is obvious.  The boys swallow thickly, nodding their heads.  I squeeze Remus’s hand and he shoots me a quick, lopsided smile.  Everyone was feeling a bit uneasy, maybe even guilty.

“mmmh,” He nods, “Thought so.  Though I always appreciate a dance number, the stink bombs are what concern me most.  The four of you will have detention this afternoon, and whatever else Professor McGonagall deems appropriate.” He sits back down, and the student body are unsure of where the look.  At Dumbledore, Minnie, or the boys in trouble.

“Yes, Professor.” They all say at once.  After a while of the stiff silence everyone goes back to their seats.  It wasn’t long before everyone was talking animatedly about what just happened.

“I’ve never seen a thing like it...”One says.

“The makeup’s nice, innit?”

“Yeah, but the pants are god awful.”  “Nonesense, have you ever even seen ABBA?’’

Lily and I find ourselves sitting next to the boys again, stupefied by the whole event.  I felt overjoyed and confused and surely surprised.  I never thought in all my life, I’d be lucky enough to see the Marauders perform ABBA in such attire, at Hogwarts nonetheless.

“So..whatcha’ think?  Think I’ll make a good rock star, huh?  I knew it was for me.” Sirius starts, flaunting his bandana and not bothering to put his robe back on.  

“I didn’t know I had it in me.  Merlin, did ya see me shaking, Remus?” Peter says excitedly.  Remus turns to him with a bright smile, nodding his head.

“All of ya were just great. Peter memorized the footwork better, though.” Remus says, James wacks his arm.

“Did not, I worked hard on that. Lily liked it.  Didn’t cha?” James turns to Lily, who much like me, is still blushing mad.  She can only nod. We were still trying to process our shock, and Remus’s golden lips and glowing eyes weren’t making it any easier for me.  I’m sure the blue on James had the same affect on Lily.

“But..uhm,” Remus clears his throat, looking rather nervous he turns to me now, “What did you think of it?” He fidgets while I looked for my answer, smiling at the mere memory of minutes ago.

“I thought it was...grand!  Shocked me half to death ya did!” I can’t help my voice raising and contorting with my waves of emotions, happy, surprised, impressed and underneath it all, discontent. I lean into Remus, he leans into me, so his ear is close to my mouth, just like when we’d whisper in class. The others talk around us, but we fall into our own world. 

“But I need more than just a song, Remus.  I need answers.  A real conversation, ya know?” I ask, nervous he’ll take it wrong.  His actions proved how much he wanted me back, hell he was willing to tarnish his reputation and mortify himself in front of everyone for me.  I wanted to make it work just as much, so I hoped he understands that for this to work, we need honesty.  He nods eagerly behind me, turning to me with a soft smile.

“I know.  You deserve nothing less than the whole truth.  Because you’re right, I’ve never cheated on you once,” I nod at him, I’ve gathered that much from Sirius and James’s comments, but my heart still felt lighter at the confession, “But I have been lying to you.” My heart sank at his words and I sat in silence, waiting for more.  He took in my reaction and rushes out the rest, as if scared I’ll leave him again. “But I plan on never lying to you again, starting with tonight.  After my detention. And (y/n)... I am so sorry for everything that has happened between us.” The intensity in his eyes glue me in place even as the bell chimes, signifying the end of breakfast.

“Here, take this.” He slips a note into my hand, kissing me on the cheek. “It has everything you need to know for my...full apology.”  He glances uneasily at the staring students and we both turn to the sound of James’s voice calling for Remus.  Remus gives him a thumbs up and turns towards me again.

“I’ve got to go...er change out of this.” He says, shaking his leg as the pants float and toss around his ankles, I throw my head back and laugh.  Taking him in fully, his chest hair poke out from the v-neck and the suit covered the rest of him tightly.  He looked both hot and ridicules.  

“Yes, please do.” I say, but take his hand and twirl him.  He twirls with a blush, doing a little dance with his shoulders as he does.  He stumbles slightly and I steady him, low and behold he was wearing platforms too. I can’t help but laugh once more. “But keep the get up, yeah?  Not too shabby, Mr.Remus Lupin.” I take on the tone of Dumbledore at the end and he laughs.  

“See you in first period?” He asks, anxiety slipping through his voice again.  It was still weird for us to be talking again, yet all too natural.

“Of course not, when have I ever seen you in the class we share together?” He rolls his eyes at my sarcasm, but doesn’t bother to fight his huge smile, the same one that hasn’t left his face since we danced atop the table. 

“I embarrass myself in front of the whole bloody school and ya still have all that sass. Guess we’ll have to fix that later then.” He says, suggestively winking.  I laugh and push him towards the great hall doors, we were some of the few people still there.

“Don’t try and seduce me dressed as Benny Andersson, and especially when I’m still mad at you.  Cause I am still mad at you, ya know?” I say, our moods sobering slightly.  He smiles sadly.

“I know,’ He says, sighing he glances back at boys who are already walking up the stairs, ready to change and beyond waiting with how many people are taking pictures and laughing. “But I will make it up to you, I promise.”  He gives me one last smile before turning around and racing up the stairs.

I smile to myself and shake my head, re-playing the events in my mind and reminding myself to ask for some of those moving pictures of the boys.  I meet up with Lily and together we walk to class, we can’t shut up about what happened. 

 Several times we’ve recounted it to one another and made so many jokes we were crying with laughter by the time we reached class.  She left me by the door, to make her way to her class not too far from mine.  While I waited for Remus and the other boys to walk through the door I pulled out the note Remus gave me and read the contents.

Dear (y/n),

At 8 tonight make your way over to Hagrid’s hut.  He’s always had an abundance of creature around there.  

All my love to you,

Remus

I tucked the note away with curiosity bubbling all throughout me until I had to bounce my leg in an attempt to calm myself down.  I’ve went through far to much emotion in this short morning.  This day will go by slowly I take it.

Suddenly, Minnie walks through the door to personally inform our teacher that Remus, Sirius and James will not be attending this morning.  Part of their punishment requires them elsewhere. I sigh and slump in my chair, a long day indeed. 

Taglist:

@crazylokonugget   @beyondprincess   @1975weasley   @nicodoesntexist  @goto-hi-this-is-my-brain  @yoyoitsbella  @ftwert   @sognatrice-as-a-hobby  @dontjudgemyobsessionpls​  @blackpinkdolan 

@holdenviolet​   @katie-lupin05   @acoustic-archie @trishizzl​   @accio-willtolive-lmao​  @​ilistentotayswifttocope

[mercurysnitch]

1976 Guitar (200 follower celebration)

Summary: An Australian runaway walks into a London pub... and finds herself having a drink with the one and only Roger Taylor.

A/N: As promised, my little celebration piece. I actually started this after I hit 150 followers, but I put it aside because I wanted to work on other things, and then decided to keep it for my next follower milestone. Which ended up taking a lot longer than I was anticipating, but hey, we got here in the end. 

Just fyi for clarity, the reader here is Australian, but living in London after finishing journalism training. Yes, even in the 70s London was full of runaway Aussies. But it must have seemed a lot further away in the days before instant messaging and video chat and free phone calls over the internet.

Title is from a Skyhooks song, recorded well after the 70s, incidentally. The bits in italics are lyrics from the song. This isn’t a song fic, and I honestly can’t remember why this is set in 1976 (I think it just sort of popped into my head like that) but those particular lyrics seemed quite fitting.

Warnings: Drinking, light swearing

*********************************************************

...one night I met a girl at the Sebel bar

And she taught me how to play that 1976 guitar

London, 1976

You decided you liked English pubs soon after you moved to London. They were cosier than the airy places you were used to back home, and the clientele were a lot less rough. Most of the time.

Your favourite pub was your local, just around the corner from your poky little second-floor flat. Decent food, good drinks, and interesting people. The bands playing on Saturday nights were always worth a listen too. Tonight, though, was a weeknight, which meant you were there for a stiff drink and maybe a nice greasy pub meal.

You hardly looked at the bartender as you flopped onto a stool. He floated over almost instantly anyway. "What can I get yer?" "Whiskey please" you ordered, attempting to be polite but mostly sounding tired. The barman smiled. "Coming up." It was fairly empty in the pub, so he returned with your drink almost immediately. You smiled gratefully and wasted no time taking your first sip. But you'd barely swallowed it, still dealing with the afterburn, when you heard a huff of surprise from a neighbouring stool.

You turned in the direction of the noise to discover the source: a youngish bloke with shaggy, pale blonde hair and big blue eyes. He looked strangely familiar, but you couldn't think where you recognised him from. If you weren't so annoyed you would've been taken aback by how attractive he was. Instead you glared at him. "What's your problem, mate?" He flashed you an annoyingly pretty smile. "Nothing. Just don't see many girls drinking whiskey like that." "Like what?" you shot back. "Like they do it all the time. Suits you, though." He flashed the smile again, and you felt your anger ebbing away.

Seeing the smile again seemed to jolt your memory. "Fucking hell," you gasped, "you're Roger-" "Don't say it" Roger hissed, cutting off your exclamation. "You'll tell the whole pub and then I won't get a moment's peace all night." You immediately looked downcast. "Sorry." Roger smiled reassuringly. "It's alright."

You eyed Roger curiously. "So tell me, what's the drummer from Queen doing in a place like this?" He broke into a cheeky grin. "I could ask you the same question" he said flirtatiously. "I've had a very long day and I live around the corner" you told him. "What about you?" "We used to play here, in the early days" he explained. "I always liked the atmosphere, and the people are always… interesting."

Suddenly you noticed him eyeing you up with curiosity. "I like your accent but I don't recognise it. Where're you from?" he asked casually. "Australia" you told him cheerfully. You noticed his expression fall slightly. "Not from Sunbury, I hope" he joked. You grinned cheekily. "Melbourne, actually. But I don’t blame you for not liking Sunbury." Roger was shocked. "You know about that?" You nodded. "I was there. It was a great day, actually, for me at least." Suddenly you smiled. "Anyway, whoever thought booking Queen to play at Sunbury was a good idea clearly knew nothing about bloody Sunbury. Or Australians, frankly." Roger smiled grimly at the memory. "God that was a shit gig. Might be the worst reception we've ever had." "If it makes you feel any better I enjoyed your set" you told him softly. "Queen's just a bit too sophisticated for most Aussies, I think." "But not you?" he asked, smiling. "But not me" you agreed.

"So what brought you to London anyway?" Roger asked. "I got sick of Australia" you told him. "It's so… behind, culturally. Anyone who's a serious artist or writer or whatever buggers off to London or somewhere first chance they get. So when you're still there you feel so far away from everything, it really feels like you're at the arse-end of the world sometimes." Roger grinned. "Arse-end of the world. I like that" he mused. "But I don't think you've come to the other side of the world just because you thought Australia was boring." You stared at him crossly. "Oh yeah? Why d'you reckon I'm here then?" you asked, challenging him with a look. "I think you ran away from something" Roger declared softly. "As far away as it was possible to get, just about."

You stared at him in shock. Now you thought about it, he wasn't exactly wrong. Suddenly your expression darkened. "Well, I suppose I'm running away from my mother and her bloody expectations of how I should live my own bloody life" you grumbled. He quirked an eyebrow. "Expectations?" "She wants me to be like her" you explained. "Find a nice bloke with a ‘suitable’ job, get married, buy a house, pop out a few kids, be a bloody housewife for the rest of my days." 

"And you don't want that" Roger said quietly. He understood how it felt to choose a life different from the one your parents wanted for you. "No, I bloody well don't" you agreed. "I want to achieve things with my life, have a proper career." Your mother had told you several times that there was no point trying to advance in your job since you were just going to quit when you got married anyway. The recent feminist revolutions seemed to have entirely passed her by, but then Australian society in general did have a tendency to run a bit behind on things like that.

Roger's gravelly voice pulled you out of your thoughts. "And what might that career be?" You smiled. "I'm a music journalist. Well, I'm a researcher right now, but I'm trying to freelance a bit on the side." Roger nearly laughed. "Y'know, most music writers seem not to like us for some reason" he observed wryly. "But I get the impression you might be an exception." You grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” "Maybe I would" Roger quipped.

You both drank quietly for a while, Roger gazing at you curiously. "Y'know, you never did tell me what's driven you to drink on a Wednesday night" he commented, casually as could be. "You really want to know?" you asked incredulously. Roger nodded. "Wouldn't ask if I didn't, love." You sighed. "Well, I was supposed to have a date last night, but he stood me up, which was just a delightful way to spend an evening" you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm. "Then this morning my boss was even more of an arsehole than usual, and I found out my article that was supposed to be published next week got pulled from the issue, so god knows if it'll ever see the light of day now. And then when I got home the disappearing date had the nerve to ring with a pathetic excuse that I'm almost certain he made up, and apparently he was blind to the possibility I wouldn’t want to reschedule the date he missed until I spelled it out to him."

Roger winced in sympathy. "Christ, that is a shitty day." “Well, it seems to have improved since I got here” you observed, flashing a sly smile. Suddenly he grinned, not bothering to be subtle about eyeing you up again, almost appraisingly this time. “You know, I could make it even better, if you’re interested” he said smoothly. You cocked an eyebrow in interest. “Oh, really? And how exactly would you do that?” “Have dinner with you” he replied, not missing a beat.

You blinked, shocked. “You want to-to what, take me out to dinner? Why?” “You seem interesting” Roger said, shrugging. “Besides, I like having company when I’m out, being alone’s not as fun.” You had to agree with him there. “So is it a date, then?” you asked, still a little uncertain about the turn your evening was taking. Roger smiled cheekily. “If you want it to be” he said. He seemed nonchalant, but you thought you detected a flicker of uncertainty under the rock-star swagger. You grinned. “You know what, bugger it. Take me on a dinner date, Roger.”

******

There were some decisions in your life you would live to regret, but going on that first impulsive date with Roger wasn’t one of them. One date very quickly became many, and before you knew it Roger was a fixture in your life. Well, as much as a touring rock star could be, anyway. You found it oddly satisfying writing a postcard telling your mother you were going out with a shaggy-haired rock’n’roll drummer, knowing he was almost the complete opposite of the sort of person she wanted you to pair up with. You’d also finally managed to get an article published in the paper, but, predictably, your mother’s response to your postcard entirely neglected that achievement in favour of detailing every reason she thought you should leave Roger and return home immediately. None of them really held much weight, and the suggestion your actions would damage your reputation back home was in your view rather forcefully disproven by the enormous quantity of messages you received from both friends and relatives congratulating you on both the article and your choice of boyfriend.

You did eventually find the things your mother wanted for you with Roger, in a way. Technically you never actually got legally married, but you were deeply committed to each other. And you did end up with the big house and the family of your own, alongside a flourishing career in rock journalism. It wasn’t always easy, juggling everything and getting people to take you seriously as a journalist, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometimes, just sometimes, you were just a tiny bit grateful for that shitty day in 1976.

In '74 we got tight, in '75 we starred

Then we learned to play that 1976 guitar

**************************

A/N: I don’t think there’s too many Australianisms in here, but feel free to ask if you’re confused!

Taglist: (as always let me know if you want to be added/removed/think you should be on here but aren’t - it’s been so long some tags have changed since I added them) @wandering-at-midnight @royal-avengers @trumanjo @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @itsametaphorbriansblog @wineandwanderings @simplyvictoria-93 @kotoamor @j1224 @florenceivy @jennyggggrrr @mercurycrowley

[iwanthermidnightz]

When she was 18, Taylor Swift wrote a song called “Fifteen.” “Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine,” she sang, sounding more like a wizened great-grandmother than a rising senior.

“Fifteen” is evocative, if a little sanitized: Nimble mandolin strums mimic the nervous-excited butterflies of the first day of high school, as Swift sings of wide-eyed hope that “one of those senior boys will wink at you and say, ‘You know I haven’t seen you around before.’”

There was a certain emotional truth to the lyrics — do several years’ age difference ever seem more consequential than when you’re a teenager? — but some older listeners were skeptical. “You applaud her skill,” wrote a critic for the Guardian in a mixed review of Swift’s second album, “Fearless,” “while feeling slightly unsettled by the thought of a teenager pontificating away like Yoda.”

Swift, now 31, sings, “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” on “Folklore,” an LP that is both compositionally mature and braided throughout with references to the specific, oft-denigrated wisdom of teenagers. By the end of that song, “Cardigan,” the narrator has excavated such a heap of florid but emotionally lucid memories that she must conclude, with the force of a sudden revelation, “I knew everything when I was young.”

Though it’s not as flashy a topic as exes, fame or A-list celebrity feuds, age has long been a recurring theme in Swift’s work. A numerology enthusiast with a particular attachment to 13, Swift has also released a handful of songs whose titles refer to specific ages: “Seven,” “Fifteen,” and, of course, “22,” the chatty “Red” hit on which she summed up that particular junction of emerging adulthood as feeling “happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time.” Like her contemporary Adele, Swift seems to enjoy time-stamping her music, sometimes presenting it like a public-facing scrapbook that will always remind her what it felt like to be a certain age — even if, with their millions of fans and armfuls of Grammys, neither of these women is exactly typical.

Swift’s critics have often seemed even more hyper attuned to her age. Perhaps because precocity played such a role in her story from the beginning — at 14, she became the youngest artist to sign a publishing deal with Sony/ATV; at 20, she became the youngest to win the album of the year Grammy — many listeners have been fascinated with how her evolution into adulthood has, or hasn’t, played out in her songs. People comb Swift’s lyrics for allusions to sex, alcohol and profanity as meticulously as MPAA representatives do a borderline-PG movie. Particular attention was paid to her 2017 album “Reputation” and its several mentions of drunkenness and dive bars — even though Swift was 27 when it came out.

The relative puritanism of Swift’s music up until “Reputation” did feel like an intentional decision: Unlike the female pop stars who broadcast their “loss of innocence” as a sudden and irrevocable transformation, Swift seemed acutely conscious that she did not want to repel younger listeners — or lose the approval of their parents. At best, it felt like an acceptance of her status as a role model; at worst, it had the whiff of a marketing strategy.

But the mounting obsession with whether Swift was “acting her age” also reflected a larger societal double standard. Famous or not, women face much more intense scrutiny around age, whether it’s those constant cultural reminders of the biological clock’s supposed ticking or the imperative that women of all ages stay “fresh-faced” or risk their own obsolescence. (“People say I’m controversial,” Madonna said in 2016. “But I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.”) And while girlish youth and ingenuity are rewarded in some contexts, they’re also easily dismissed as silly and frivolous as soon as that girl strays too close to the sun — as Swift has experienced time and again.

Despite having once been a teenage girl myself (unlike a lot of music critics), I confess that I am not completely free of these internalized biases. I was initially dismissive of “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince,” a song that appeared on Swift’s 2019 album “Lover.” The first few times I heard it, I wondered what a grown woman on the cusp of 30 was doing still writing about homecoming queens and teenage gossip.

But over time, I’ve come to appreciate the song and its dark vision, which acknowledges cruelty, depression and the threat of sexual violence (“Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?”) more directly than any of the songs Swift wrote when she was an actual teenager. The senior boys in this song are not the sort who wink and say to freshman girls wholesome things like, “Haven’t seen you around before” — which, unfortunately, makes them feel more authentic. Even the title “Miss Americana” alludes to a larger world outside the high school walls, and the greater systemic forces that keep such patterns repeating well into adulthood.

“Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” now feels like a precursor to some of the richest songs on “Folklore,” which finds Swift returning once again to her school days with the keen, selectively observant eye of an adult. Consider “Seven,” an impressionistic recreation of her perspective at that age. The second verse, charmingly, plays like a first-grader’s breathless sequence of unguarded observations:

“And I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why/And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won’t have to cry.”

But “Seven” is not cutesy so much as poignant, because of the tensions that result when Swift’s adult perspective interjects. “Please, picture me in the trees, before I learned civility,” she sings in a yearning soprano, prompting the listener to wonder what sorts of feral pleasure she — and all of us — have exchanged for the supposed “civility” of adulthood.

Quite a few songs on “Evermore,” Swift’s second release of 2020, also toggle between past and present, conscious of what is lost and gained by the passage of time. The playful “Long Story Short” passes a note to Swift’s younger self (“Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things”), while “Dorothea,” like “Seven,” revisits a fevered childhood friendship from the cool perspective of adulthood.

Most striking is the bonus track “Right Where You Left Me,” a twangy tale of a “girl who got frozen” (“Time went on for everybody else, she won’t know it/She’s still 23, inside her fantasy”). That language echoes something Swift admits in the 2020 Netflix documentary “Miss Americana”: “There’s this thing people say about celebrities, that they’re frozen at the age they got famous. And that’s kind of what happened to me. I had a lot of growing up to do just trying to catch up to 29.”

But Swift’s recent songs, at their best, understand that “growing up” isn’t always a linear progression in the direction of something more valuable. Take the “Folklore” songs “Cardigan” and “Betty,” which use an interconnected set of characters to chronicle teenage drama and celebrate the heightened emotional knowledge of youth. “I’m only 17, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you,” Swift sings in the voice of James, a high schooler who broke Betty’s heart and has shown up on her doorstep to ask forgiveness. Maybe that is a melodramatic thing to do; maybe it is the sort of thing adults could stand to do more often. Swift’s music helps us to remember that growing up doesn’t automatically mean growing wiser — it can just as easily mean compromise, self-denial and growing numb to emotions we once felt with bracing intensity.

In a gesture to regain control of her songs, Swift is currently rerecording her first six albums (her master recordings were recently sold by Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings to the investment firm Shamrock Capital). Last month she released a note-for-note update of her early hit “Love Story,” and has promised to release an entire new-old version of “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)” later this year. It has been amusing to think of Swift going back and inhabiting the voice of her teenage self: On the face of it, “Fifteen” is particularly surreal to imagine her singing as an adult.

In another way, though, “Fifteen” — with its distant reflections on the youthful folly of expectations — makes more sense and carries more emotional weight being sung by a 30-something than it does an 18-year-old. Perhaps Swift was preparing for such an exercise when she made “Folklore,” an album that shakes off years of scrutiny and finds her reveling in the creative freedom to be as young or as old as she wants to be.

[oppatxtme]

Christian Yu: Half Moon

x Christian Yu x

Note: Read at Your Own Risk ~~ (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง Type: One Shot [ masterlist ]

A/N: Hope Y’all enjoy this! Happy halloween ♥

_______________

‘This is insane. I am insane and stupid.’ Christian thought as he walked up the steps to your apartment.

He had been to your apartment at Hongdae a couple of times with the rest of the crew. But this is the first time going solo. At that moment, Christian was surprisingly nervous. He was rarely nervous. Maybe it was because besides the fact that he’s coming to your apartment alone — it is also in the middle of the night. Plus drunk. And his body is burning and want to release it to you.

‘Well, here I go.’ Christian thought as he gulped and ring the doorbell.

————

You slowly opened your eyes when you hear your doorbell chimes. When you realize you’re not dreaming and someone is actually ringing your door, you looked at the time. You groans.

You grab your pajama. Since you’re only wearing is your oversize shirt.

Before you can go and check who it was. Lisa — your roommate, was already at the monitor dedicated to seeing who’s at your front door.

“Who was it, babe?” You asked her when she looked your way.

“It’s your ex-boyfriend.” She said with a grimace expression.

For some reason, you breathed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn’t some crazy old stalker.

“Which one are we talking about?” From fear, you’re now confused.

“Mr. Christian Yu, that guy who loves touching his hair.” She said with a teasing tone.

“Aye ~! Nice to see you too Lisa.” Christian said as he reached up and touched his hair. 

Lisa just smiled and walked back towards her room.

Now it was only you and Christian in the living room. Why was Christian here? And at 3 in the morning. Can you even call this morning?

You took a rather long breath to stop overthinking.

———

Christian looked at you from up and down. Again and again. Now that you’re in front of him, he was thinking that this is a mistake. A drunk decision has gone too far. But it was too late to turn back.

‘Fuck it,’ he thought. He was drunk. He was going to tell you how he felt, not let you slip away — again. He needed you to know.

“Do you want anything to drink?” You asked when he massaged his temple.

“Oh? Yeah, sorry.” Christian replied.

You walked towards the kitchen and grab some glass and poured some cold water for him.

Christian was looking at your back. You can feel it.

After he finished drinking, you invite him to your room. Thinking that whatever reason he came to your apartment — at this godly hour is not really good for Lisa to hear.

Like automatically sit at the edge of your bed. But quickly stood up. You became nervous and embarrassed for even sitting in the first place. It was supposed to be cute and casual. Like friends typically do it but you were sure it came off as uncaring and cold. And the truth was, Christian, didn’t even notice it.

Both of you stood there awkwardly for a few minutes before Christian took a deep breath in, preparing to speak.

You can see him being uncomfortable. ‘Is it wrong to invite him into my room?’ You asked your self.

You’re about to ask him but he looked at you as if he was about to say something so you stopped.

Silence.

Again, awkward.

Then both of you attempt talking first but ending up blabbering something.

You laughed. Then he joined you.

“I’m sorry Ian, what I’m trying to say is it’s good to see you... although this was certainly a surprise.”

“Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that. I just — I couldn’t wait.” Christian looked down at the carpet

“What is that couldn’t wait?” You go through your mind looking up what could it be. You tried not to, but you ended up settling on the biggest feared — insane reasons. This was a habit you had picked up growing up. ‘Think for the worst’.

“I remembered in one of your interviews, you quoted from your favorite song — ‘If you know how you feel ~ and you so clearly know what you need to say ~ I don’t think you should wait ~ I think you should speak now ~’ you said that and it got me thinking. It’s really important to take those words to heart. So I just — I needed to come here to say something I should have said a long time ago.

You smiled upon hearing him say the lyrics from your favorite song. You tried not to wince, anticipating what might be next. 

“Say what Ian? Christian, is there something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Y/N. I just — oh God! Okay ~ I’m READY.” Christian blurted out.

“What?” For some reason, your stomach filled with butterflies. 

‘Ready’. The word meant a lot to both of you. Both of you had a long history with this word. There was a time when you would have killed to hear him say it.

‘I’M READY’. Now though, it was the biggest fear reasons you could think of.

“I’m ready, Y/N. I’m ready for this — for us. We broke up because I wasn’t ready. But I’m ready now. And I don’t just mean ready for us to talk. Hang out. And fool around... but I mean — I’m ready for us to be together-together. The hell with media! I’m ready for the fans on both sides and their options don’t bother me. They can say whatever they want to say — I’m ready for all that shit. I can handle it now, Y/N. I’ve got this. I needed you to know that I’m not messing around any longer and as I just said — I’m sorry if I kept saying this but I’m ready.” Christian didn’t look up once during he said this, for some reason he couldn’t watch you react. He was afraid that seeing your reaction could make him stop talking. And he wanted to get it all out.

But even so, he could feel you looked confused with a mix of frustration.

“And more than that,’ Christian continued. “I want to try again. I want us to really try again, now that I’m ready. I think we could really make it. I’m ready to make that shot for us.” There. He said it all. He finally looked up to see your face.

“Christian —“ you started. You stopped though. You really had to form these next sentences carefully, and Christian had his time. You can’t help but think it was unfair and insensitive of him to just go to your place at 3 am and say all these things that clearly he had time to craft these words. He didn’t even look at you when saying this. As if it was all as planned — memories for perfection. 

You can’t help but think as well that he might even think through your possible responses and rehearse how to react to each one. You had none of that. No warning, none at all.

Just an unexpected late-night drunken declaration of love. Just great.

“You’re drunk, Ian and —“ you sigh.

“No. I mean, I’m drunk - but I meant what I say. All of it. Please, Y/N.” He cut you off.

With that, your ears become hot. What does he expect you to do? The nerve to come in here at your apartment and feed you a declaration of love — and even a declaration of READINESS as if the love was just implied but didn’t even need to be stated.

At least a little courtesy you’ll appreciate but no. He even goes here drunk. And say ‘please’.

‘Who did he think he was?’ You thought arching your brow.

“Excuse you Christian. Don’t bring me that ‘please’ word. I am doing the best I can with this whole situation but you’re drunk as fvck. And it’s the middle of the night. I’m not sure THIS is the best time and place to talk about this.” You said firmly.

“Why not? It’s 3 AM, the hour of feeling. Isn’t that what we call it?”

“Yeah, and I think about now, it taught us nothing good happens after 3 AM. Maybe we should stop talking at all.” Your words fell harshly. You felt bad for it but it also felt appropriate somehow.

“Who are you?”

“Seriously?!” You said setting up your defensive self ready.

“You used to be so ~” Christian searched for the words. “FREE. Yeah. That’s it. You used to be free. Free with your emotions. Your life. Your love. You used to be so free that made you optimistic. Full of hope and now what? You believe that in the hour of emotion — nothing ‘good’ happens? After the emotional time of the night sets in, good things stop and bad things begin? Is that what are you saying?” Christian looked at you as if you’re some stranger. “What happened to you?”

“I don’t — I really don’t know Ian. I”m not that girl anymore.” You felt attacked. But you didn’t feel like fighting back. So, you took the defeated tone.

Christian was having none of it. He was going to fight with you. He came all this way, he was going to properly be heard.

“Well, that’s the girl I fell in love with.” He said.

“Too bad then. I guess I’m just somebody that you used to know.” Your sarcasm rises.

“No. She’s there somewhere.” Christian said while he shook his head.

“I said no!” You now realized that he was going to make you fight with him. Your anger was possibly more directed at the instance of fighting than the fight itself.

“No.” Christian stayed firm. “I don’t accept that. Maybe you think that — but I think you’re just scared.”

You can’t help by scoffed.

“You can scoff all you want, Y/N. But I know you. There’s something you’re not saying. Possibly even to yourself. You’re scared and you’re hiding behind the change as the reason. But it was never changed. There’s a part of you missing. And I mean a part of you. We all have parts about us that change. That mature. That grow up. But at our core. Deep inside. We are who we are. You are not a different person. You’re still Y/N that I love. You’re just letting fear run your life and it’s BS!”

You are now really pissed.

“So... that’s what you came here to say. You came to my apartment. Drunk. In the middle of the night. Scared me half to death. Just to say that I’m bullshit?!”

“Fuck this. You know that’s not fucking true. You’re doing that thing again. You’re doing that again. Fuck!” Christian ball up his fist.

“What thing that I do? I’m not doing anything, Ian.” Both of you were really in it now.

After 3years of being in a relationship. Both of you were on and off. Five months ago, both of you decided to call it quits. Mainly because it was affecting your careers. He was planning on coming back to the music scene. While you and your group are releasing a comeback.

“Oh stop it Y/N. You know what I’m talking about. Look —“ Christian sigh. “I came here to tell you that I was ready for us and I still love you. That I want us to be together again. You were the one who started the BS and deflecting. Trying to pretend I didn’t mean it. You hate emotion and all that shit. I just wanted to tell you I still care and that I’m ready. And that I want to try again. If you don’t want to.” He paused and looked at you directly. “All you have to do is fvcking say it. But this shit you’re doing is making it some big ass thing and ignoring what I’ve actually said. That’s you being childish. I’m over it Y/N.”

Both of you were silent for a moment.

Letting the words sinks in.

You feel being scolded like a child. And Christian feeling sad and freaking frustrated — like a parent who just wants the best for his child. Even though the child never listened to him.

“I think that’s how I realized I’m ready. I’m over and done with the shit thing. I just want you. All of you.” He continued.

You stopped breathing for a couple of seconds. Your lips trembled. Your eyes watered. Your thoughts raced. You felt your breathing shallow the becoming quicker and more audible with every in and out of air.

You felt your heartbeat hard. As if it wants to come out from your body.

You glanced up and saw the bathroom door.

It wasn’t far from where you stand. For you, it looked as if it was an escape. You stopped thinking and in one motion you ran into the bathroom. Shut the door. There, in the emptiness of the room. Behind the safety of the door. You broke down.

Tears began to escape your eyes. Light scratches and pulls at your delicate skin began to occupy your hands.

“Y/N?” Christian was really worried. He didn’t mean to make you cry — even worst, leading you to a breakdown. He just wanted to talk. He can’t help but hate himself for what he has done. “Y/N, I’m sorry. If this is too much... but I really needed to say it. I hoped you’d know why. But yeah.”

He stopped and waiting for your answer. He heard you crying still. Breaths became deeper — as if returning to normal. He didn’t want to push it. But he was still a bit drunk. Decision-making skills were not so much his strong suit at that moment.

“I also wanted to hear your response.” Christian paused for a moment to make sure you did not get worse. You stayed silent. “I just really want us to talk — really. Without the bullshit and the walls. What are you scared of Y/N?”

You slowly get up and walk towards the sink. You looked into the mirror. You saw your reflection. A mess. Bedhead. Faded oversize shirt. Mickey mouse pajama that was a gift from Jisoo. No makeup. Eyes puffy. Cheeks shiny from the tears.

You rarely saw yourself like this. Being carried by your emotions. Even when you were at home, you tried to do your makeup, practice doing your hair, and dress up nice — just in case some crazy ex-boyfriend comes by and declare some shit at you.

You wet your face. Grab the face towel and calm yourself. Then walk towards the door and opened it.

“Do you want to know what I’m scared of, Barom Yoo?” You said, eyes locking with his. Not wavering.

He nodded in affirmation.

“I’m scared because you’re not.” You said firmly. Letting her eyes break from Christian’s.

“I’m not what?” Christian’s voice was calm. And confuse.

“Not ready.” You said quietly. Looking at the floor. You didn’t want to look at him when the words fell out of your lips. It was too much.

Christian smirked.

“Of course I’m ready. That’s why I’m here Y/N. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I understand all of that ready means — every last bit of it. I mean it. I am ready.” Christian felt his enthusiasm grow. If this was the problem — he wants to clear it. He did — after all, mean it.

You calmly shook your head.

His smirked slowly fade. His face becomes confused. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

‘Of course’. Christian thought. “But you’re not.” Christian opened his eyes and looked at you. He felt every muscle in his body relaxed — as if the secret was out.

“That’s crazy Christian. I’ve been ready. It was you —“

“No, Y/N. Stop right there. It was me, and then it was both of us. And now. It was you. It doesn’t mean anything less about you. It just means you’re not ready. And it’s a lot to be ready for. Trust me. I get it. Totally get it.”

You bit your lower lip and swallowed. You tried searching for words. But all you could find was silence. Angry. Sad. Frustrated.

“If there was anyone to be the last person to judge you for not being ready, it’d be me.” Christian continued after what felt like a silence gone on a little too long.

You blinked slowly. Your body language intensifying.

“And I mean really, you owe it to yourself more than anyone to admit that, princess.” He continued.

And there it was. You broke. Again. Into tears. In front of Christian. No more hiding.

“Okay fine.” You said between tears. “I’m not ready.” You tried looking up at him. He tried not to give you that satisfied smile of his when he called you out and kinda forced you to open up. “I’ve tried. But I’m not. You went through a lot Christian. All because of me. But I got the brunt of the hate from the fans.”

“I know,” Christian whispered.

“I don’t know if I can do that again.” Your tried hiding your crying face at him by covering it with both hands. “I can’t”.

Christian’s face was fallen. His smile faded and a look of concern had crept. Regardless of what happened here tonight between the both of you. He hated seeing you this down. But if it wasn’t him, he couldn’t help her.

“If I was going to do it again. You know it’d be with you, Barom. Right?” You looked up at him. “I mean it when I said ‘I know for me, it’s always you’. If I was ready for anyone — it had to be you, Christian.”

Christian took every word to heart. He let an audible exhale escape his body.

“I know, Princess.” He walked over to you and took you in his arms. He could see how badly you needed to be held. “I know very well, Y/N. I know.” He said reassuringly — softly. Running his hand up and down your back.

After a few minutes of this. You felt too comfortable. Too happy. Too at peace to not try something. Nothing wasn’t good enough anymore.

“Christian?” You said pulling out of the hug.

“Hmmm?” He responded, looking at you.

You pause for a moment before continuing. Trying to gain footing before you went down that rabbit hole.

“What if I —“ you stopped. Unsure if you really wanted to continue.

Christian opened his eyes wider in anticipation of what you’ll say. You somehow saw a gleam. that gleam. His beautiful brown eyes did this thing. It was mesmerizing and captivating to you.

“What if I take some time and really think about it. Like, do the work. Fight with myself — what if I get myself ready?” You smiled softly at him.

“What if what?” Christian tried his best not to be too excited. Or rather - seem too excited. He didn’t want to spook you, like what he already did tonight.

“Would you wait?” You had high hopes and low expectations. It was unfair of you to ask him. He couldn’t tell the future and know he was going to be ready when you are. You knew all of this. But you felt like you had to ask. Because what if Christian said ‘yes’. What if he would actually wait for you?

“Yes. Absolutely.” Christian said without a single waver. “I will wait for you. And I’ll try to stay ready so I am when you are. When I say I’m ready right now— I mean I’m ready for that too. I’ll wait.” He was suddenly taken with the over-assured, leading to an air of insincerity about his words.

“Thank you.” You said softly.

“Always, Y/N”. Christian whispered in your ears as he hugged you again. Pulling you tight.

——

Christian left quickly and quietly. You insisted on staying for the night but he insists to go and make everyone else worry.

When he left. You sat alone in your room and looked around. You grabbed your journal. You wrong every word (lyrics) you could think of.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Imagine Dragons - Loom

It’s 2024, folks — can we just stop dunking on Imagine Dragons? That was cool in 2015, back when they were at their peak, but no one cares about them anymore, so why do people still dunk on them all the time? Hell, I’m gonna make some enemies when I say this, but they’re not the worst thing ever. I don’t love them or anything, but they’ve never been a band that I’ve actively hated. If anything, Imagine Dragons were partially responsible for a wave of pop-rock in the early to late 2010s that was pretty bland, uninteresting, and sterile of any personality or uniqueness. That all seems to have went away, though, so why are people still obsessed with disliking these guys? Their music’s never been offensive, despite not being anything great. I saw that they dropped a new album, entitled Loom, and I really wanted to see what this was all about, even if I had a feeling it was going to be bad, or at the very least, just “okay.”

Yeah, Loom is exactly what I thought it would be — just okay. Out of the last three albums I’ve talked about, however, this is the “best.” The new Nothing More album is a pretentious alt-metal record that is the best thing I’ve heard from them, but their pretentiousness is still in full force. Meanwhile, the new Jax album is some of the most Gen Z coded indie-pop I’ve ever heard that regurgitates every slang word from TikTok in the last year. Loom is, at its core, a relatively safe and bland pop record, which is still kind of a bummer that they aren’t doing anything worthwhile, but at least it’s not the same type of pop-rock they’ve been doing. This album is pretty bland, but it’s really not that bad, at least on a surface level. There are some decent hooks, and the vocals aren’t half bad, but the lyrics are admittedly not very good, although they’ve never been Imagine Dragons’ strong suit.

I don’t know, folks, what can I say here? This isn’t worst of the year bad, like the other two albums I just talked about, but it’s not great. I wouldn’t call this “good,” per se, but I also wouldn’t say it’s worth the time or effort to actively hate it. It’s very forgettable, but it’s not horrible, either. I mean, it’s worth a listen if you’re that inclined, but don’t expect to remember anything as soon as it’s over. At a brisk 32 minutes, this is a very short album, and I was surprised at how super this record was, but that’s a good thing. The other two albums I mentioned here are 45 minutes, and they really feel their lengths. This one doesn’t, and weirdly enough, the last track is a remix, I guess, of a song on the record that features J Balvin, of all people, so if you take that off, the album is under half an hour, and it’s a forgettable half hour to say the least.

[onestowatch]

Aidan Bissett Wants You to Know It’s Okay to Be Alone [Q&A]

Photo: Brooke James

Aidan Bissett’s sunny and effortless disposition contrasts the chaotic ode to classic rock that is his latest track “Dumped.” The introspective and cathartic nature of his latest offering speaks to age-old feelings of heartbreak while doubling as an optimistic reminder that cloudy days cannot last forever.

Releasing soft-spoken tracks followed by headbanging, classic-rock inspired hits, this young artist’s music truly feels alive, shifting and evolving from one release to the next. With a soulful dedication to “music first, lyrics second,” Bissett is steadily creating his own lane defined by a relentless drive for experimentation. We had the chance to talk to Bissett about his creative approach, his latest single, “Dumped,” and plenty more. 

Ones to Watch: So, tell me the story behind “Dumped?”

Aidan Bissett: Wow, that’s a good question. I wish when I wrote it, it came from like, I had just been dumped… Well, okay, I had sort of been dumped. I don’t know how to explain that, but let’s just say I was in a relationship, taking time off, in a sense. When we were writing it, it was me, my friends, Ryan and Sean, and we were writing in a zoom session for like three hours. It was not a good song, and none of the three of us wanted to say it was a bad song. So, we were like, “OK, we are going to go take a break for a little.” 

Then I pulled my guitar off the wall and started messing around, because when I get bored, especially in sessions, I like to try and take my mind off things. I’ll play random chords and sing random lyrics, like ad-lib over them just for fun. So, I started playing like three chords that are all throughout “Dumped,” singing this hook line that—it’s going to sound really weird—“I’m taking dumps all the time.” The guy I was producing it with was like, “OK, gross,” but that actually could be really cool… what if we change it to “I’m getting dumped all the time.” And I was like, “Woah.” That’s kind of how it started and we were on a roll and wrote the whole song in two hours.

And the song does mean a lot to me, because I have actually been dumped, multiple times. It sucks, it’s not a fun feeling, so every time I listen to it, it is kind of an “f you” type of song. Like, “yeah, I got dumped but I’m better off on my own anyway.” I always like that feeling better than wallowing in sadness. So, for anyone who does listen to it, I hope that it helps bring you out of the mourn and into a new light.

In the music video, you are seen reading an “Idiot's Guide To Love.” What was the last book you read?

I do love reading, I’ve always liked reading. I have not, in the past year, read a ton of books, which sucks because I actually do like reading. Well, okay, my senior year of high school I read like 13 books but a lot of them were for school. But they were still good books! I’m in the middle of reading Dune, which is very good so far. So, hopefully, I can finish that before the movie comes out. But yeah, I do like reading… when I have the time to sit down with my ADHD mind.

“Dumped” is a noted sonic transition for you. Can you tell me about how you approach your genre-spanning sound?

I don’t really like putting myself in one genre. I’m in a certain lane in the sense I do indie-pop, I do alternative, but I don't want to do straight pop. I feel like it's such a box, and it’s so limiting. I just love exploring different sounds, so even from the start, I put out “Different,” and then the second song was “Worst Girls Of All Time,” which was a completely different sound than the indie-pop wave that “Different” is. So, me putting out stuff like this after “Communication” is me exploring new sounds. To be honest, the things I like to hear always change, the bands that I’m listening to are always changing, and I take a lot of inspiration from a lot of different bands. I just love trying new things. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but it just keeps me on my toes instead of just doing the same formula over and over again.

What are you listening to right now?

That’s a good question, it’s kind of all over the place. There’s this one girl, Remi Wolf, who I’ve been non-stop listening to… I have been listening to her for a minute. When she put out her first EP, I loved it. But now, she’s putting out these new tracks and Solomonophonic, her producer, he’s just incredible and her voice is incredible. They are doing so many things that just aren’t normal in this time of music; it’s just so her own lane. I find that really inspiring in the sense that she’s carving her own path and not following in the line of others.

I feel like I’m always listening to Wallows no matter what. I always have them ready to go. COIN. Role Model’s rolling out new stuff so I’m excited for that, he’s kind of taking a change in his own discography. [The] sounds that he is doing are definitely a lot different from his earlier stuff. This guy, binki. He’s actually opening for Role Model on this tour. Oh my gosh! His music’s insane, so cool. It’s got so many sounds going on, similar to Remi Wolf, there’s so much going on, you’re like ‘wow.. I’ve never heard something like this before.’

For those who don’t know, you write, record and produce your music all by yourself. Can you walk me through your creative process?

Yeah, I’m very musically-driven. Everyone has their own thing, I feel like a lot of artists, like the Olivia Rodrigo types, are lyrically-driven. I’m definitely music first, lyrics second. So, when I sit down to write something I try and get something I latch onto. I’m like, “Oh, this sounds cool. Lyrics could sound cool over this.” Anytime I go into a session or I’m recording by myself, I try to lay down some form of music, and then I’ll freestyle lyrics or freestyle melodies over the top, or pick a melody I like and throw lyrics over that melody. Whether that’s a hook or a verse, that kind of just depends on how I’m feeling. It’s definitely a bit unconventional compared to other artists. I feel like artists are a bit more put together when it comes to writing music just because I’ve only been doing it for like a year-and-a-half. But I have my own process, and it works. Every time I write something I learn something new. I’m excited to see, even a year from now, what my process will be… and even if it's completely different or efficient, who knows?

Tell me about the influence of music in your childhood and the decision for you to be a musician at a young age - you started playing electric guitar very young - what was your household like? Musical family?

My dad wanted the kids in our family, I have two other siblings, to play an instrument for two years during our young adult life. He wanted us to play piano before we got to pick, so we had two years of piano and then we had to pick an instrument. So, my sister went and played two years of piano and didn’t really stick with it afterward. Then, it was my turn and I was like, “Well, I don’t really want to play piano, can I play guitar?” And since I was the only one who asked, who expressed interest in a different instrument, he was like, “Sure.” I started in second grade and I’ve stuck with it the entire time. I took lessons for years, and that’s how I kind of got into the classic rock scene. My dad was a huge classic rock fan so he showed me all greats… and that was all I listened to for years. It definitely had a large impact on what I did. I would even play in little recitals, and I always played classic rock songs like AC/DC or Guns N’ Roses.

It wasn’t necessarily a musical household, like my dad isn’t musical, my mom isn’t musical. The reason he wanted us to play an instrument is because his mom made him play an instrument as a kid, so he was like, “You guys get to do that, too.” But it is true, one of us ended up using it.

What do you want people to take away from “Dumped?”

It’s an amp-up song. I want them to feel energized, to be happy with yourself. Getting hurt in relationships happens all the time, but it's okay to get hurt in a relationship. It’s kind of how you bounce back, and I want this song to be like a bounce back. Like, you hear it and, “Oh! This is me bouncing back! I don’t need to sit and cry anymore, because that’s not fun.” Sitting and crying is okay, everyone’s done it, but there’s a point that you reach, in that break-up phase, when the crying needs to stop and you need to go out and live and be the person that you are, independently. So, I would hope that it inspires you to be your independent, wonderful self again.

Is there anything else you would like to say about your music, or in general, that you want to take the chance now to say?

Well, I’m sitting on a lot of songs. So, I’m excited to get all the rest out, and again, everything is so diverse. All the music is so diverse, I just feel like each song is its own thing, which I really enjoy. I feel that’s really unique to my own music, where you’re getting something new every time. I’m moving to LA. That’s the other thing. So, if anyone sees me in LA, please stop me and say hello!

[doomednarrative]

On the topic of listening to "Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" one too many times, and the idea that you might be identifying too much with your trauma and mental illness:

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If you've followed me for any length of time on this blog, you'll probably be aware of two things about me:

A. I'm clearly mentally ill in some regard, and B. I use music to cope and work thru the issues related to my mental illness and trauma a lot.

The past four years have been both the worst and best years of my life. I ran away from an abusive home, I've gone thru two major breakups and one of them just absolutely rocked my shit for awhile, I've been consistently working thru my queer identity and figuring all of that out for myself, and the list goes on.

Finally leaving an environment that had trapped me in a cycle of traumatic experiences for years left me in a weird place. For once I was somewhere where my illness and suffering was being taken seriously and not constantly belittled and ignored, and my queerness was accepted and respected. And that felt great!

What Wasnt so great about that was the Overwhelming feelings of "oh my god I've been suffering for so long and now that i'm out of that place, I cant stop thinking about it and realizing how much its truely fucked me up and worsened my mental health" that came with everything else.

And with that overwhelm, somewhere along the line I started to identify with that suffering. I had spent so long in a place that refused to acknowledge that I was hurting at all, that now that I was in a place where I could truely express that hurt and how it affected me, I didnt want to let go of it.

This was a cycle that went on for awhile, and one that I didn't really realize I was trapped in until about March this year.

Enter Will Wood and his wonderful music.

I'd heard of him months before, already had Dr. Sunshine and Hand Me My Shovel in my spotify library. But I didn't really give him a Proper listen until Miles suggested I do so, and I fell in love almost immediately with his stuff. Underneath his music just being fun and wild to listen to, Will's music talks so openly and genuinely about deeper themes of personal identity and mortality and the current culture we live in, and so many other important things.

"Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" is a song about both sides of the mental health discussion and about the struggle of how everyone deals with their own personal identity in relation to their mental health treatment. Its a song that once I heard what it was really saying, it slapped me in the fucking face to say the least. I havent heard someone describe the things this song is trying to say in a way that actually made sense and summed up my feelings on the discussion so nicely ever honestly. The things Will addresses in this song are important, and its all stuff I've personally pondered on for awhile too.

Some lyrics that really stuck out to me would be these two:

"Who makes the call, whats a symptom whats a flaw, can it be both? Well I suppose thats an answer."

"Ain't your identity at stake? Does aspirin kill you with the pain?"

What a complex question, isnt it? Does treatment kill your identity, change who you are as a person? Is that a bad thing? Whats really a symptom of the mental illness and what makes it that? Do those symptoms also count as personal flaws?

What do you do when you identify too much with your illness that you feel you can't get treatment for it?

That was the real question I got stuck on for myself. Because after a lot of deeper reflection on my own behavior and thoughts towards my illness and trauma, I made a discovery I hadn't known before really thinking about what this song was saying:

I found that I was scared to be treated. I was scared of finding an identity outside of my illness. I had become so accustomed to defining a part of myself by my suffering, that i became afraid of what or who I could become without it constantly weighing me down. And thats a very heavy thing to realize about yourself, but it was a very eye opening thought for me to have.

And I dunno how much longer itd have taken me to figure out if it wasnt for this song tbh. Its just not something I wanted to think about for awhile. I became content with identifying myself by my illness, and I was resistant to seeking out treatment for fear that I wouldnt like who I'd become if I tried to treat it.

Thankfully, this is something I've been working thru more recently after having that revelation.

I don't really have some grand statement to make at the end of this. I'm really just here journalling and writing down how I feel about all of this stuff recently. But, I do think theres something to be said about how art and music can really affect people. Hell knows I've had quite a few good mental revelations about myself since listening to Wills music more recently. Its been helpful honestly.

If you take anything away from this tho, maybe it should be that its not a bad thing to examine just how much you define yourself by your illness and trauma sometimes. You might find that you're in a little too deep sometimes and want to pull yourself out.

You're more than what your illness is. And treatment for it isn't a bad thing either. I may just be learning this for myself, but I do think its true.

Just something for yall to ponder for now I suppose.