#the love of tea and food and theatre

[sic-vita]

GOOD OMENS + Aziraphale being relatable to me

[lizdive]

hello! platonic aventurine, jing yuan, blade, sunday, boothill, dan heng and dr ratio with a teen!reader who is like lynette from genshin?

please do include lynette’s backstory as well :3

love my girlie lynette i remember when i first got her i maxed her out as quick as possible she’s so pretty <33 idk why tumblr wasn’t cooperating with me while i was trying to format this istg,,,, tysm for requesting !! sorry this took some time,, if you’re unsatisfied just tell me and i’ll redo it !! <33

notes 𐙚 gender-neutral reader — "you" used to refer to reader ,, reader is a teenager ,, reader is based off of "lynette" from the game genshin impact ,, platonic relationships ,, mentions of being sold, close to being 'used', creepy old men, and other things relating to lynette’s past ,, yanqing is referenced in jing yuan’s part ,, mention of silver wolf in blade’s part ,, mention of march in dan heng’s part ,, mention of screwllum in dr ratio’s part ,, this is not proofread pls ignore typos especially bcs this is so long i cannot proofread this all rn

⭑ AVENTURINE has worked with many people and therefore has seen it all when it comes to appearances and personalities, but you by far are the most interesting person he’s met.

⭑ He’s tried to interact with you before, and every time you give him a bizarre and odd response he only tries harder. Mostly because he wants to properly hold a conversation with you, but also because he wants to see how odd your replies can get.

⭑ He doesn’t blame you for not trusting him so easily. Many who have joined the IPC have done it out of force and therefore trust nobody. He actually feels a bit proud that you are not naive and stay guarded around the other workers so they don’t take advantage of you. Still, he’ll try his best to befriend you so you aren’t alone.

⭑ Finds your swordsmanship very impressive. Your agility and strength brings you praise from him and sometimes he’ll watch you train. You don’t say anything to him as usual. Whenever you spot him you just stare at him with that poker face of yours and continue as if he isn’t even there.

⭑ When he notices how much tea you drink on a daily basis, he’ll gift you the finest tea on the market as a 'good job' for completing missions successfully. You’ll know it’s from him because of it’s value and because he always leaves little notes on the boxes.

⭑ If you ever invite him to have some tea and sweets with you, trust that he will be there whether it be physically or using a hologram if he’s far away. He’ll prepare tea in his location and make it look like he’s actually present with you physically in the moment.

⭑ The longer AVENTURINE spends time with you, the more he finds himself subconsciously keeping a sweet treat with him at all times in case you’re craving something. If you’re off on a mission he’ll make sure to give you money for your tea and sweet treats alone and will ask you to send him pictures of what you got.

⭑ He’s is very interested in your feline features and traits. When you tell him about your rare case of atavism, he’s very intrigued. He may do his own little experiments like buying you cat toys to see your reaction which is up to interpretation. Also, he’ll bring you fish dishes during your lunch breaks whenever you forget to bring your food!

⭑ Loves watching your performances and would be honored if you asked him to assist you! If you ever want to hold something grand-scale he’ll be more than happy to rent you a full theatre to perform in. Best advertisements for your shows and everything.

⭑ When you open up to him about your past, he can only sit there is surprise and pity. You were so young yet already went through so much before joining the IPC. He can relate to you in some ways as well. He knows what it’s like to be sold off to men who only used instead of cared.

⭑ If you tell him that man may still be alive, he’ll do a bit of research. If he is, then AVENTURINE will have a lovely gambling match with him! No worries, it’s all for fun! Fun for you, at least, when you get to go shopping with all the money the man once had but now lost. Buy yourself some nice outfits and self-care products, you deserve it !!

⭑ If you ever have moments where you feel bad or icky from your past, or have nightmares, he’ll always be there to comfort you. Call him, text him, go up to him and ask for comfort, or if he’s near and notices he’ll come and ask you if you’re okay and if you wanna talk about it. He’s good at distractions. Why not have some snacks with him, It’s time for shopping, there’s this new restaurant that opened that serves purely seafood.

⭑ He’ll do the talking for you. If anyone tries to switch from him to you he’ll either let you give the weirdest response ever or steer them back to him. He also appreciates how you don’t beat around the bush and how frank you are.

⭑ You’re bad with machines and tech? AVENTURINE doesn’t think much of it until you wreck the fifth computer that month.. oh well, he’ll just buy you a new one. He’ll try his best to teach you and help you improve and fix your machinery clumsiness, but he’ll also tease you and joke about it.

"Tea is ready, now it's time for a short rest."

"Alright, just let me finish the last paper in this file and I’ll be right there. I have some new news about [+] from the genius society~"

⭑ The general of the Luofu attending your performances instead of working? More likely than you think! You various tricks and acts are a nice pass-time when he doesn’t feel like completing the mountain of paperwork stacked up on his desk. While you aren’t the most expressive person which may lead to some acts come off as dull, he finds amusement in how your personality contradicts your occupation.

⭑ A bit concerned when he spots you walking around the large ship without any supervision on multiple occasions, but it’s not his place to ask and you don’t look distressed or anything (not that you ever do.) However, he’ll order some cloud knights to keep a close eye on you just in case anyone were to try anything.

⭑ JING YUAN found out about your swordsmanship skills from Yanqing. It was when the young boy had returned from his training, utterly exhausted with his hair looking like had been attacked by a wind storm, that he is told about the teen with the feline features has some impressive swordsmanship.

⭑ That’s when his interest was piqued and he tries to interact with you. After performances he’ll give you some praise and ask how you’re doing. This, of course, makes you a bit nervous as this is the general of the luofu and here he his talking to you like you’re his kid,, so you do what you do best and hit him with one of your outlandish responses that makes him pause.

⭑ JING YUAN laughs thinking you’re pulling off one of your acts, but then you do it again and again and by the end of the interaction you have successfully made the general question if his age was getting to him.

⭑ Still, he will continue to praise you and ask how your day is after every performance, sometimes offering a game of starchess if you’re not too busy. His consistency is what gets you to trust him as he shows no ill-intent, especially after you grow closer to Yanqing behind the scenes as the boy constantly spars with you.

⭑ He doesn’t mind how frank and straightforward you can be. Like Aventurine, he’s worked with many different people and appreciates it. Your pokerface is also something he’ll praise you for as it’s very useful in combat and when playing against him.

⭑ When you open up about your past, JING YUAN can’t help the seed of anger that has been planted in him, and the more you share, the more that anger grows. He knows this world is cruel, but he had secretly hoped that it had been kinder to you. His relief is very evident on his features when you tell him that the man hadn’t been able to do anything relating to your body.

⭑ Will issue an order to a small group of cloud knights to find the man who had dared to put you through such a horrible experience. They won’t be the one to use him as a training target, however. That is for JING YUAN to enjoy. Oh, don’t mind him. Something important came up. Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon. You just enjoy your tea and sweets.

⭑ Speaking of tea and sweets, JING YUAN will always be down for tea time with youHe’ll try to clear at least a nice period in the afternoon to dedicate it to tea time with you. It becomes a tea party as Yanqing join you both sometimes. Takes tea time very seriously and will pause whatever he’s doing to attend. Clock strikes tea time? He’s leaving mid-conversation.

⭑ Cat naps!! It’s a big pile of you, him, mimi, and sometimes Yanqing, all curled up together and slumbering peacefully under the warm sun. He’ll use the excuse of keeping an eye on you when you’re napping just so he can nap as well. He indulges your cat instincts / traits a lot (sometimes you think he’s secretly a cat, too.)

⭑ Finds the fact that you’re very clumsy with machines very funny but also surprising. You’re so skilled with your blade and you perform such intricate acts and tricks that take years go master yet you struggle using a vacuum?? It’s a pretty bad case especially because the luofu is very mechanical-machinery reliant, so if anything randomly breaks, JING YUAN will just sigh as he knows it’s most likely you.

⭑ He won’t always be there to do the talking for you, but he’ll do his best. Plus, not many people will chat with you when the general is around. They’d either be too intimidated or just think it’s not in their place. If you ever wish to avoid social interaction, just stick next to him.

"Animals can also express their feelings. If you listen carefully, you can tell what state they are in. For a kitty, 'Meow~' means they are much happier than 'Meow meow meow!', and in that situation, you can pet them as much as you want and they won't run away."

"Hmm… is that so? Well, mimi makes more of a 'Meow… meow meow meow!' noise when I pet her. What emotion does that convey?"

⭑ This man does not interact with anyone, so how you two became close is still a mystery to the other stellaron hunters. Still, it’s clear that you both have some sort of bond that’s inseparable.

⭑ Missions with the both of you is just comfortable silence. The two of you are like the social outcasts of any setting. Well, at least the missions are completed swiftly. Most of the time, the third person of the mission doesn’t even have to do anything in the combat department. You both just slice and dice.

⭑ There is no doing the talking for each other because nobody talks to you both, anyways. People are too intimidated to talk to you both with how doll-esque you seem and how scary he is. You both are social interaction repellents and it can be a bit annoying for some, but people like Silver Wolf love it.

⭑ You both bond over not being the best with technology and machinery. You both never rarely use your phones and therefore are victims of having your phones used by other people. You both really couldn’t care less.

⭑ BLADE will watch your performances whenever he isn’t busy with missions. If you want him to help you, it’ll take a bit of convincing, especially if it involves you being in enclosures like being in a glass box with water or something. During dangerous tricks like those he’s very focused so nothing bad happens. Would prefer if he was the one at risk instead of you,,,

⭑ If you want to spar with him, he’ll be hesitant. Yes, you’re good with your sword, but he’s much much more skilled and he’s worried he’ll accidentally hurt you. He’l mentor you, however. Teaching is fine, but sparring is a big nono.

⭑ Doesn’t really care much for your feline features. BLADE has seen a lot of hybrids in his time so yours are not a shocker. He’ll be considerate of any boundaries and will make sure people don’t touch your ears or tail of course, but he won’t treat you any differently than any other person.

⭑ Will drink tea with you occasionally but he won’t eat the sweet treats. Likes tea himself, so he’ll enjoy your little tea times. He’ll bring back new types of teas you have yet to try during missions. If he’s going back to the planet or if it’s nearby and you liked a specific type, he’ll buy it again in larger portions so you can drink as much as you want.

⭑ Opening up to him is like talking to a wall. He looks stoic as always on the outside but trust that on the inside he has already thought of over 100 ways to make that man’s life a living hell. Like Jing Yuan, he knows the world is cruel. He will simply be crueler. Doesn’t take long for him to find the man who had bought you, and that day Blade’s bounty is soaring with how big the increase is.

⭑ Not the best with comforting others but if you’re having a bad day because of the memories or feel icky or something BLADE will make sure everyone gives you space and lets you have your you time. Will prepare tea and a snack for you, too.

"I used to think that the golden sun and dark shadows of the night could never understand one another. But in you, I see a kind of strange complexity that has needlessly piqued my curiosity..."

"…mmn.."

⭑ Another one that attends your shows! The news of a rising feline-featured performed piqued his interest, and so on opening night for your first show he could be seen seated in the spectator seats up top.

⭑ Really enjoys how your stoic demeanor balances your dramatic acts. While he knows your lack of enthusiasm isn’t the most encouraging for people to return or interact, he appreciates how different it is from the other over the top performers that litter penacony. SUNDAY soon becomes a regular at your shows.

⭑ It was you who came up to him first. You simply wanted to thank him for his consistent attendance and constant support, but he soon swept you int conversation and no matter how many odd and bizarre responses you gave him, he always managed to adjust to keep the conversation going. You cannot win with him.

⭑ These back-stage / after-show conversations soon become almost as frequent as his attendance to your performances. Also, his frequent attendance does not go unnoticed and when news of the head of the oak family being seen during almost every performance goes viral your popularity skyrockets.

⭑ Have you ever thought of security work as a side-occupation? It was when SUNDAY was escorting you to call a taxi that he saw your swordsmanship in action. Your theatre borders some dangerous territory, but memes were usually taken care of. He now knew who dealt with him as he watched you obliterate the ones that appeared. It reassures him knowing that you can take care of yourself.

⭑ Everyone in his residence knows how serious tea time is. Servants are rushing around in the kitchens trying to prepare the perfect sweets and snacks. To prepare the tea just the way you both like it, hot enough for SUNDAY but cool enough for you. The poor servants’ stress levels are always through the roof when it’s tea time preparation, and you are blissfully unaware of it all. By the time you’re in sunday’s office or lounge, everything has already been prepared.

⭑ Just like you are intrigued by SUNDAY’s halovian features, he is intrigued by your feline features. When you both are close enough, he’ll let you preen his wings and you’ll let him groom your ears and tail. He’s much more fussy with you, however. The second he spots a stray strand of fur in his office, he’s demanding your presence so he can get rid of the rest of the loose fur. He’ll get even more fussy before your performances and will always do last-minute checks before you’re out on stage.

⭑ Another one that appreciates your honesty and how you always cut straight to the point. Can always rely on you to tell him what he needs when he needs it. Also, your attention to detail is very useful and sometimes he’ll ask of you to focus on certain people during a show and report back to him.

⭑ The second you begin to open up about your past, SUNDAY is right beside you reassuring you to take it slow especially when you tell him about the man you were sold to. He’s pissed, rightfully so, but during the moment he’s supportive and makes sure to make it very clear that you are not anything negative you say about yourself should you do so.

⭑ SUNDAY is very good at interrogations, and with THEIR ability he’ll know if that wretched scum lies to him. There is no justifying, there is no 'the past is past' — there is no redemption. Once the man admits all he has done, he will be rid of. Vanished off the face of the cosmos. Nobody will know anything about him.

⭑ He’ll help you practice for performances, but he won’t go up on stage with you. He’d rather watch from afar as he doesn’t want to steal the spotlight from you. Your show nights are all about you, and he’ll make sure of it. There will be no disturbances and no casualties.

⭑ Funds all of your performances. Buys you any and all equipment you want and need. Want to expand your theatre? Done and without any charge. SUNDAY is your number one supporter and defender !!

⭑ He doesn’t mind doing the talking for you, but he’ll try and encourage you to talk for yourself. It would do you good to indulge in some small talk and conversation every once in a while! But if you insist you don’t want to and just want to be left alone without conversation, he’ll understand and drop it.

"After the sun goes down, the desires hidden in people's hearts will rise to the surface... I mean— evening shows are spectacular. Should I reserve a ticket for you?"

"Ahaha, yes, please do reserve a ticket."

⭑ Was creeped out the moment he met you. You were so still and expressionless that he thought you were a doll until you suddenly rushed forward and beat ass. If he had a heart it would’ve definitely stopped.

⭑ BOOTHILL couldn’t deny your swordsmanship was praiseworthy, however. Your agility, your sharp cuts, everything about it was impressive for someone your age. He tried to praise you but you gave him that stoic look and blurted out the most random sentence he’s heard and walked away leaving him dazed.

⭑ It doesn’t matter if your shows are expensive or not, BOOTHILL WILL get himself a ticket just to be able to figure out what it is with you. Also, because the idea of your dull expressionless self doing magic tricks had him doubling over in laughter. However, he was surprised at how professional you were with every act and trick.

⭑ Managed to sneak backstage and looked around for you only to find you gone. Was disappointed because he really did want to praise you for your skill— well, now skills. And maybe wanted to know who the hell trained you and how you were so good for a teenager.  Oh well, there was always the next show.

⭑ Or, there was always that same night. Saving you from some creepy men who were trying to do Aeons know what was all it took for you to glue yourself to him and use him as your meat shield. Not that BOOTHILL minded, it was kinda of in his job description and his morals to protect innocent people, especially when they were on the younger side.

⭑ He’s still a bit creeped out by how you’re so.. doll. You follow him around like a reserved duckling. And it’s not just following him around until the end of his stay — no, he literally finds you grabbing onto his jacket as he makes his way to leave to complete another bounty. There’s no getting rid of you and he’s accepted that.

⭑ He’ll definitely tease you about your feline features and behaviors. Calls you a clingy cat and will buy you cat toys as jokes. If you get upset, he’ll quickly apologize and make it up to you by taking you to your favorite seafood restaurant and letting you get whatever you want. If you don’t mind the jokes, then you’ll have a pile of cat toys that grows with each month!

⭑ Didn’t understand why you’d always stand in the corner of his mechanic’s shop when he was getting upgrades or repaired. He though it was just some teenage shyness but then one night he watched you blow up a literal vacuum. Terrified of you messing with his wires while he’s asleep charging. He tried to help, but gave up and backed away when you proceeded to fry your phone because it overheated.

⭑ Finds it absolutely hilarious when you’re interacting with people. Whether it’s your brutal honesty when talking to others or just one of your flabbergasting sentences to get them to leave you alone, it’s all comedic gold to him. Until it’s targeted at him,,, then uhm,,, yeah,,, okay maybe it’s a bit funny but still,,,,,

⭑ BOOTHILL knows he can come off as intimidating, and he’ll use it to his advantage if you don’t want anyone to talk to you. If someone tries to push it, they’ll have a nice revolver in their face and a protective cyborg ready to shoot at any moment should they push it even more.

⭑ When you open up to him about your past, all he can feel is rage — so much so that his internal fans are whirring to cool him down. He immediately asks you if you remember his name, his appearance, anything. He’ll also comfort you if you feel bad or feel like it’s your fault, which it definitely isn’t.

⭑ Oh sorry, he just got a new bounty you can’t go on. It’s just too dangerous! Don’t worry, you stay and spend all his money like some spoiled teen if you want. He’ll be back soon, you just relax and have a little you time!!

⭑ Would love to take part in your performances. He’s cautious if he’s on stage, however, and will probably use a disguise so nobody notices him since he is a wanted man, after all. He doesn’t want to risk your safety because of his status. He has yet to find out you also have a rising bounty on your head because you’ve been spotted numerous times with him.

⭑ BOOTHILL doesn’t mind your little tea time as long as it doesn’t get in the way of important bounties and dangerous missions. Even if it does, he’ll just tell you to maybe change your schedule? He’ll take you to a nice tea shop to make up for it but please focus on the bounty so it can be over with and you’ll be safe,,,

⭑ Really wants to know how you do that teacup card trick,,,

"I'm not accustomed to expressing myself, but I consider myself a good listener. If you have any troubles, tell me. I'll guard your secrets."

"I don’t doubt ya, kid."

⭑ DAN HENG initially did not expect you to trust anyone quickly when you first joined the express. It takes one to know one, but he can tell rather quickly that you were cautious of everyone despite your poker face. He doesn’t talk too much with you, not that he gets the chance as you give your weird replies to everyone who tries to talk to you.

⭑ He doesn’t realize that you inviting him for tea time in your room is a privilege only he has until March complains about your 'favoritism'. He’ll ask you about it and you’ll confirm it. He won’t ask why but it’s nice to know you trust him more than anyone else.

⭑ You both are social outcasts 2.0. He’ll do most of the talking for you both, but if anyone else from the crew is present, especially March, then they’ll do the talking for you both. He’s also the only one to understand your random response and to this day nobody knows how he does it.

⭑ Just like he needs to tend to his vidyadhara traits, you need to tend to your feline ones. Doesn’t mind if you randomly start shedding but will get a bit bothered if you leave your shedded fur around in the archives. If it gets to much he’ll sit you down and comb through your tail and ears’ fur himself. Also, if you’re comfortable with it, please put in some data about your avatism in the archives.

⭑ DAN HENG doesn’t seem all that enthusiastic during your performances, but he does enjoy them. He’ll clap and give some words of encouragement, but he’s not full on beaming. He just doesn’t know how to properly show his support physically so he’ll show it with praise and giving you trinkets and things he thinks you would or could use.

⭑ Also doesn’t mind helping you with acts and performances, and it’s funny how the both of you have this deadpan poker face while doing the most dramatic over the top jaw dropping trick. You both have a bit of a reputation on some planets that you’ve publicly performed during free time on missions,,

⭑ DAN HENG, like Blade, isn’t the best at comforting people — he can barely comfort himself. He’s a bit emotionally awkward. Still, he’ll try his best to comfort you as you open up to him about your past. He’s upset, but never at you. He’ll pat your back comfortingly or let you hug him.

⭑ If there’s ever a mission where he lays eyes on that man should he still be alive, DAN HENG will act on your behalf. He just needs to keep his skills sharp, that’s all. WORLD CLEANSING DRAGON—

⭑ If you have nightmares, you’re always free to sleep next to him in the archives. He knows how bad nightmares can be as someone who has suffered from them, and if you get embarrassed because you think it’s childish due to your age, he’ll pretend to still be asleep when you enter his room late to snuggle next to him.

⭑ Your clumsiness with technology and machinery genuinely concerns him. He’ll try to keep as little tech in your room as possible and will supervise you whenever you do literally anything with objects of the sort so you don’t hurt yourself or anyone around.

⭑ There’s a lot of things DAN HENG doesn’t realize he’s doing unless someone points it out. How he orders dishes that have some fish in them so he can give them to you, how he always makes sure your tea is cool enough for your sensitive tongue, how he know when you’re upset or not just from your ears.

⭑ Doesn’t mind sparring with you, but he’ll go easy on you. If you want him to mentor you, he’ll take it very seriously. He wants to make sure that you’ll be able to defend yourself should anything happen. Yes, he knows your swordsmanship is impressive for your age, but he also knows that impressive does not equal safety every time. He may be a bit strict, but it’s for your wellbeing so please don’t get upset.

"Go to sleep, I still have some loose ends to tie up from work today... I still have to fix the vacuum cleaner I broke.."

"That’s the third one this month.."

⭑ Was a bit surprised when he entered his lecture to find a feline-featured teenager sitting front row staring at him with a dead look. Was a bit creeped out, but whatever. He was fully expecting you to drop out after the first class.

⭑ Was surprised once again when you showed up for the next lecture. And the one after and after and after. Not to mention you were diligent and observant. You noticed a lot of things and after you two grew close, he’s a bit intimidated by how much you know and notice.

⭑ Some of the other students hate you for it bcs you can easily snitch on them if he ever asked you to. They can never say anything about it because you either ignore them or VERITAS steps in and scolds them.

⭑ You’re like a therapy cat for him but not in a weird way. If you let him, VERITAS will study your case of avatism. With how cat-like you behave, he’ll do some tests like scratching your ears and petting you. Would also see your reaction to cat toys. Now, why do I say therapy cat? Because your purring calms him down always. Also you make him feel like a cat dad.

⭑ He’ll get annoyed if you freely shed all around. Will scold you every time and then expect you to groom yourself properly. If you don’t he’ll get all huffy and frustrated as he does it himself but he really doesn’t mind. He just puts up an act.

⭑ You both are a scary duo. Some people think you’ve gotten your frank and brutal tongue from VERITAS, but you were like that since young. Still, many firmly believe you got it from him. You needn’t worry about unecessary conversation — people are too scared either you or him will rip them a new one for even looking at you. (exaggeration)

⭑ And while many are intimidated and scared of you, getting easily offended at your lack of sugarcoated words, VERITAS appreciates how blunt you can be. Will tell other people to be like you and doesn’t care if they get offended LMFAO

⭑ Probably the one on this list that’s the biggest enjoyer of tea time. You’ll be working on your assignments and be’ll be grading others’ assignments while enjoying sweet snacks and tea. Either that, you both sit in comfortable silence, or you’re dropping all the latest gossip you’ve heard and things you’ve noticed about your classmates that he hasn’t.

⭑ Contrary to the popular belief of his students, VERITAS finds himself enjoying your magic tricks and performances. It takes skill to do what you do, and he has to give credit where it’s due. He won’t really help during your acts, but he’ll give his input and ideas on how to improve like a better angle or quicker actions.

⭑ Also, VERITAS would encourage you to better cultivate your swordsmanship! I’d like to think he has connections, so he’ll find you someone if you want a mentor. If not, then that’s fine too. He’ll remind you everyday to go train for at least an hour. He won’t force you if you don’t feel like it, of course. As long as you’re with him, he’ll be able to protect you anyways.

⭑ Also one of the not-so-good comforters on the list when you open up about your past. So instead, he’ll brutally degrade the man you were sold to until you feel better. He’s trying his best, please understand that. He’ll give you an awkward pet to the head to top it all off.

⭑ I feel like VERITAS wouldn’t do anything to the man physically. Instead, he’ll care for your skills and enhance them until you’re known across the cosmos. Be it as a scholar, a sword fighter, a performer, or something else. Because in his eyes, that’s the best revenge.

⭑ Should that man still be alive, he will see that the one he saw as nothing but a toy to use is now one of the brightest stars in the cosmos, known all throughout while he is rotting away like the scum bastard he is.

⭑ Now, VERITAS is very prideful with his favorite and best student and he supports you, but,,,, but what is this,,,,, how are you so horrible with technology and machinery???? Were you born yesterday??

⭑ Like Dan Heng, he’ll supervise you whenever you’re using anything that has tech and/or machinery in it. Almost got a heart attack when he saw you tinkering with something that piqued your interest on Herta’s space station — VERITAS genuinely thought you’d bring the end of the station by blowing it up.

⭑ Would implement things in divergent universe (domain based off of tea time, occurrence, etc.) that relates to you and he wouldn’t even realize it until Screwllum points it out to which he denies.

"Making tea looks simple on the surface, but it is actually quite complex. The quality of the tea leaves, the temperature of the water, the number of times to add water... Only when every variable is properly controlled can tea of the purest taste be brewed. Would you like a cup?"

"You truly are passionate in the art of tea making, hm? But, yes, I would like a cup."

[devildomwriter]

Lucifer Birthday Fun Fact Special 100 Facts

1. In the Celestial realm, Lucifer was a seraph

2. When Lilith went to earth to meet her boyfriend, Lucifer would secretly follow and spy on them

3. Lucifer is the reason Leviathan is obsessed with anime

4. When asked if he prefers cats or dogs, Lucifer simply stated Cerberus

5. Lucifer is the one who originally tamed Cerberus and was forced by Diavolo to adopt him

6. Lucifer sometimes compares himself to Barbatos

7. Lucifer cannot make Diavolo’s favorite food, last time he tried, Diavolo texted MC pleading with them not to allow Lucifer to make it again

8. In the celestial realm, Lucifer had a friendly rivalry with Michael, his co-leader

9. Simply out of spite, Lucifer visited the celestial realm’s first planetarium before Michael had a chance because he knew Michael would want to do so first

10. Lucifer and Simeon sometimes took naps together in the celestial realm

11. Lucifer considered Simeon his brother before the great celestial war

12. Lucifer didn’t realize he’d become a demon after being cast out of heaven until Barbatos pointed it out

13. The first time Lucifer visited the Devildom he critiqued the low quality soil

14. Lucifer loves flowers, specifically roses, he sometimes cross breeds them and takes such good care of them that Mammon feared for his life when he accidentally sat on one

15. Mammon is Lucifer’s favorite

16. Out of his brothers, Lucifer trusts Mammon the most

17. Lucifer sees techno pop as “cacophonous bleep-bloop music”

18. Lucifer has a big collection of cursed records

19. Lucifer had six wings until he ripped off two of them in anger, these wings combined with his overwhelming hatred became Satan

20. In Nightbringer it is revealed Lucifer actually had twelve wings from his father but never displayed all of them because they got in the way

21. Lucifer originally only intended to leave the celestial realm but after Lilith was sentenced to be erased from existence he escalated to a war

22. Lucifer went to meet Diavolo for the first time because Michael tricked him into it

23. Even in the Celestial realm, Lucifer’s punishments were physical and extremely harsh

24. Lucifer is skilled with multiple musical instruments. He’s most mentioned playing the piano but he’s also seen playing the violin, the drums, and a guitar

25. Lucifer loves classical music

26. Lucifer regularly goes to music shops to buy cursed records

27. Lucifer loves the theatre and after seeing a good play will ramble on about them and quote his favorite parts

28. Lucifer prefers his tea to be on the stronger side

29. Lucifer let his brothers believe Lilith died in the war so they wouldn’t have to suffer knowing they couldn’t ever see her again

30. Lucifer lied to Diavolo and trapped Belphegor in the attack to protect him from Diavolo’s wrath as Belphegor was considered treasonous

31. Lucifer once got so mad at Diavolo that he strung him up from the ceiling along with Solomon who plotted his murder

32. Lucifer is the only one who has attempted to attack MC more than once

33. Lucifer is the reason Luke is called a chihuahua

34. The first thing Lucifer does every morning is check for messages from MC

35. Lucifer supports Levi going to karaoke but only because he is constantly woken up in the middle of the night by his singing

36. Lucifer is ambidextrous

37. The painting in Lucifer’s is room is an artistic interpretation of his fall from grace

38. Lucifer works to the point of passing out. Diavolo bribes him to sleep by threatening to make a picture of him sleeping his lock screen

39. At the end of season one after forming a pact with MC, one of the player’s options leads to a sequence strongly suggesting the two have sex

40. Lucifer kept Asmodeus around him in the celestial realm because he wanted to be surrounded by the most beautiful angels

41. Lucifer recommended Beelzebub to become a seraph

42. Lucifer is not a morning demon

43. Lucifer think Beelzebub binging food is cute so he indulges him sometimes by buying lots of food

44. Lucifer watches horror movies with Mammon when Mammon is too scared to watch it by himself

45. Lucifer is the second tallest of his brothers, just slightly shorter than Beelzebub

46. When Lucifer accidentally forgot to save Diavolo in a virtual reality game the only reason Diavolo forgave him so quickly is because MC convinced Lucifer to meow cutely

47. Lucifer has frequent headaches caused by the intense stress his brothers give him

48. During Christmas, Lucifer stays up all night to deliver his brothers’ gifts

49. Lucifer had a Devil tube channel where he hid his identity as he told stories. He stopped after a week when Belphegor and Satan found out.

50. Lucifer holds onto items for sentimental value but hides this. Simeon sees through the lies.

51. Lucifer has secretly kept the portraits his brothers made of him in art class

52. There are many large portraits of Lucifer across the Devildom including one in the RAD Library

53. When Lucifer fell he landed where the RAD colosseum would eventually be built

54. Lucifer asked Diavolo to pull some strings to get Mammon the car he worked hard to afford

55. In the celestial realm Lucifer was more blunt and rude because he was already seen as perfect, in the Devildom he is calm and composed so others will see him as perfect since this is no longer the obvious assumption

56. Lucifer can read other people’s memories

57. Lucifer once took Simeon’s phone to text Luke asking his opinion on the brothers. Luke was angry when he found out and insisted Simeon get a lock which confused Simeon

58. When Mammon was put under an angelic spell he gave away everything he loved. He was depressed after being freed from the spell. Lucifer let Mammon use his credit card to buy everything he wanted to cheer him up again.

59. The only existing picture of Lucifer shirtless is owned by Diavolo who does everything in his power to keep it away from Lucifer

60. Lucifer puts spells on his brothers and himself to prevent photos being taken of him when he doesn’t want any

61. Lucifer once threw Levi into the ocean when Levi disguised himself as an octopus to try and take photos of Lucifer

62. Lucifer was the only one to believe in Mammon in the celestial realm and the only one who could control him so he kept Mammon by his side as his personal assistant

63. When Levi’s game affected the real world causing every doorway to lead somewhere different, Lucifer kept running into Mephistopheles who wouldn’t stop complaining to him

64. Lucifer helps the brothers kidnap MC in season 2 to prevent them from returning to the human world

65. Lucifer often has tea parties with Barbatos where they discuss and try new teas

66. Lucifer, Michael, and Raphael used to drink heavily together in the celestial realm.

67. One of the first things Raphael and Lucifer did after reuniting was get drunk together

68. When one of Solomon’s dishes backfired as usual, Satan actually managed to cast all his pain to Lucifer who had to then endure the side effects two times as much as everyone else

69. When his brothers acted up, Lucifer actually turned them in Test Name Sheets

70. Lucifer and MC once pretended to be a couple to scare off Lucifer’s fan club

71. Lucifer is uncomfortable around Solomon because he feels like he actually needs to use a lot of his strength to defeat Solomon

72. Lucifer is constantly avoiding Solomon trying to make a pact with him by casting spells on food and gifts that will persuade Lucifer to want to make a pact

73. Whenever Lucifer leaves the house overnight he puts a ward on his room to prevent his brother from getting in

74. Lucifer ring of light is inscribed with “Blessed be the bringer of light”

75. Lucifer’s nickname in the celestial realm was the morning star. He now uses this as his last name.

76. One of Lucifer’s favorite shows is The Tarot Games. He and Diavolo are working together to convince Barbatos to watch it too

77. Lucifer used to play the piano to help Belphegor fall asleep

78. Lucifer and Simeon were once so close that they sometimes can still tell what the other is thinking

79. Lucifer is shown to really enjoy camping to the point he isn’t bothered when a serial killer shows up

80. Satan is considered by Lucifer to be the safest option for MC to date in season one

81. Once as an angel Lucifer accidentally ate all the chocolates he and his brothers’ had and blamed it on Beelzebub

82. Not even Lucifer can resist the affect of Asmodeus’s eyes for long

83. Lucifer got upset when Diavolo released an interview in which he sung Lucifer’s praises most of the interview and what was released was still considered the abridged version

84. Lucifers greatest fear is dying and ascending back to the Celestial Realm

85. Lucifer was once shrunk to the size of MC’s hand by Solomon

86. Lucifer refuses to say anything under duress

87. When Lucifer lost a matching bracelet he had with MC he got extremely annoyed very easily to the point he even blew up the bathroom and sent Cerberus after Mammon

88. When Lucifer was shrunk, Satan and his brothers began dressing him up like a doll with magic

89. Lucifer liked demonus so much it’s what changed his mind about the Devildom and he began to like it

90. Lucifer will not hesitate to eliminate anything he sees as a threat to his brothers

91. To stop Satan from cursing anyone, Lucifer cast a spell to make it impossible for Satan to leave his side. He changed his mind when Satan kept growling at him from the corner of the room and he wasn’t able to get any sleep

92. Lucifer has said that whenever he tried to picture life without Mammon it felt as if something was missing

93. Lucifer finds his hectic schedule (thanks to his brothers) to be enjoyable

94. When a curse binding Lucifer and MC together was placed, Lucifer pretended to not be able to break it until he got called out by Diavolo

95. When Lucifer lost his memories, he immediately became close to his brothers again, choosing them as his family for a second time

96. Lucifer continues to try to get Diavolo to delete all his photos of him but always fails

97. Lucifer’s brothers joke that his “type” is Diavolo

98. Lucifer does not understand the point of night pool parties

99. Lucifer took two days to make a complete schedule for a trip for Diavolo and Barbatos, most of the time was spent writing notes making sure they wouldn’t get in trouble

100. Lucifer in Nightbringer (which takes place an unknown amount of time in the past) is already over ten million years in age

[slasherscream]

Hi, can I request a poly ghostface with a reader who's in drama? How would they react to her getting a lead in a horror musical (for example Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd)?

A/N: going through my inbox and trying to get to the oldest stuff that still inspires me to respond. sorry for the world's longest wait. i am simply an easily distracted creature of the night.

They're hyping you up beyond reason. You're talented, but it doesn't matter if you sucked, they'd give you an ego about how good you are either way. Why? Because they love you. So everyone else better love you too... or else 🔪🔪🔪.

It's giving everyone better clap for my s/o when they come out to make their final bow or we'll blow up this fucking building, yeah.

Despite loving you, attending theatre really isn’t their favorite thing to do in the world. 

So you getting a role in a horror musical is like… even though they love you: *insert finally some good fucking food gordon ramsey image here*

Are you more pumped to have gotten the lead in this play or are they?

No amount of fake blood is enough for them. They want to see you dripping in the fake blood of your fake victims. They bully their way backstage during the intermission of the show and they make you do a twirl while covered in fake blood. You look delicious.

It isn’t appropriate to do but Stu can’t stop himself from cheering at certain points. Billy hits him and tells him quietly to “shut your fucking hole they’re trying to act up there!”  

Billy reads up on how to care for your vocal chords. Right before you go on stage he’s always got a hot lemon tea in hand for you. He makes you use a vocal nebulizer every day and go to a steam room twice a week. He’s got no clue if any of the stuff works but he doesn’t want you damaging your voice, so do it just in case and stop bitching about it.

Stu is your hype man. Even on the days they don’t attend performances, since the show runs for a while, he sends a shit ton of flowers for you to receive. We’re talking roses in every color. If someone working on stage crew has allergies, watch out! The sheer amount of flowers is a genuine public health hazard. He wants everyone to know you’re the best there is. A dozen rose bouquets might not send the message. Twenty will!

They keep an eye on your understudy as if your understudy is going to plot to kill you. You are not allowed to hang out with your understudy when they’re not around. 

Billy saw you drink a beverage that your understudy handed you and barely wanted to speak to you on the way home after rehearsal. “You’re asking for it. You’re really asking for it, Y/N. You don’t know what that nutcase might have put in there!” Sir, I think the only nutcase here is you. 

They might have to kill that understudy just to be safe.

[childofthewolvess]

for the ask meme you reblogged: what things do you associate with loki (that may or may not be upg)? I'm talking things like food, animals, drinks (both soft drinks and alcohol), movies/books, fictional characters, even like silly things you might see in thrift stores.

Oh absolutely I can do this! Loki loves random things, in my experience, so I have... quite a few random things I associate with Loki. Let me know if any of you also associate any of these with him! A lot of these are super personal but stand anyway.

Forest fires—nature's balanced form of chaos)

Redwood and sequoia trees—cones are serotinous, meaning they only open when fire reaches them

Southeast Alaska/temperate rainforests & fjords—they're very geographically similar to Iceland/Norway and I feel Loki's chaos in the sharp winds and chaotic seas

Orcas—similar to how the wolves are viewed, they have a negative representation when they're integral with their chaos to the cycle of balance in ecosystems. I actually have a bunch of orcas on Loki's altar! He showed me orcas when I lived in Alaska.

Glow sticks—literally don't have a reason for this one.

Wolves—this one is not a UPG because of Fenrir, but I personally associate wolves with Loki because they for a very long time were viewed as the "bad guys" and monsters, when in reality, they were the balance to the ecosystem that was needed. Awfully reminiscent to Loki in his myths.

Solar eclipses—also not necessarily a UPG, but the sheer chaotic energy and power from solar eclipses reminds me of Loki's energy

My roommate's cat—lol, she is an AGENT of chaos. As someone who grew up with cats, never had a more chaotic cat in my life. She also raids fridges. And stares at Loki's altar every day. My roommate says she's a witch.

Writing and storytelling—Loki Does It For The Story, and a lot of times speaks to me through my world and creative writing.

Fireball shots—it's the cinnamon I think, but Loki gets fireball shots every few days (lol.)

Green, orange, black, and blue—Loki's colors, this one jsut makes sense to me and I can't really describe why.

Nature—nature is inherently chaotic but maintains a cycle, and this is Loki's energy to me. He is also part Jotun, associated with nature, and to me, he is present everywhere in the wild and unpredictable forces of nature.

Sweet tea—don't know why but Loki enjoys sweet tea

I'm Just Ken (Barbie Movie)—this is the funniest one yet, but Loki literally showed me the entire dance sequence to I'm Just Ken in my sleep (I had watched the Barbie movie once), and would not stop bothering me until I got him the Barbie movie vinyl and played it for him.

Performance in storytelling—this could be theatre, but really just performing and putting on a show while telling a story. This is the same deity who tied his balls to a goat and saved all the assess of the Norse pantheon because he got Skaði to laugh, so this one checks out.

I have so many more but there you go for a start. Working with Loki is just sheer chaos, if you couldn't already tell.

[prouvaireafterdark]

please do you have any PE headcanons about louis and lestat and claudia to share? I think we all need some right now after this new episode

Oh for SURE, here's a bunch.

Lestat was originally reluctant to adopt Claudia because he thought he'd be too much like his own father as a father and always told himself he would "break the cycle" by not having kids.

Louis on the other hand, who also had a difficult childhood with his mother's emotional abuse, sees having kids as more of a way to heal his own inner child. He feels he and Lestat can do better for Claudia in a way no one did better for them.

Ultimately, Lestat said yes not only because he loves Louis and would do anything for him, but also because he was taken in by Louis' idea that this would make them a "real family," which is something he's always yearned for.

THAT BEING SAID, once Lestat saw Claudia in Louis' arms he fell totally in love with her. That's his baby girl, goddamn it.

They adopted her from an abusive home when she was about 9 months old, so they're really the only family she's ever known.

She calls Louis "Daddy" and Lestat "Papa."

They're raising her to be bilingual in English and French. When she's old enough, Lestat wants to send her to a local French immersion school, but Louis isn't sold on that yet.

They have a division of labor when it comes to taking care of her. Louis is the one in charge of bath time and changing her diapers (Lestat does it if he must but I fear he's also the type to complain about it the whole time). Louis also reads to her all the time, especially when he puts her to bed, and gives her lots of cuddles.

Lestat is responsible for feeding her when she's not at daycare. On his nights putting her to bed, he sings to her instead of reading a story.

Lestat actually shops and cooks for the whole household, really, until Louis decided to become a vegan one day and then he was like "If you don't want to eat my food, then you cook for yourself" because you simply cannot ask a French man to cook without butter. After Louis' malnutrition-assisted accident, Lestat walked this back super hard and started cooking high iron nutrient-rich vegetarian food for him until Louis started reintroducing meat into his diet.

They also both play with Claudia. Quality time with Louis is usually more chill, like bouncing her on his knee, playing with toys, reading to her etc., whereas Lestat is like swinging her around and tossing her in the air and carrying her over his shoulder by her ankles while she giggles (which may or may not give Louis a minor heart attack every time he sees him do it). Lestat in particular enjoys playing make believe and is always in attendance at her fake tea parties, which she holds with a set of real china Lestat had imported (under supervision only, per Louis' rule, since she might hurt herself if it shatters).

Lestat went back to work at the theatre a few weeks after adopting her so Louis was her primary caretaker for those foundational first few months. Claudia loves her Papa, but the bond she shares with Louis is different because of this.

I have, like, so many more lol

[camels-pen]

You Are Not Immune to Saltwater

Summary:

One moment, Vlad was sipping tea at his desk. The next, he was surrounded by circus performers with a sword at his throat.

He blamed Daniel.

-

HEY GUYS GUESS WHO'S POSTING THEIR BANG FIC TODAY!!! i'll be linking my lovely partners', Bib & Skittles (@bibliophilea & @skittlespoxum), music and illustrations here soon!! i had so much fun writing pathetic Vlad and my partners' works are amazing so i think you all should read and look and listen to our stuff and enjoy! this is a completely unbiased opinion :]

also a note: this takes place during the East Blue Saga, the first arc of One Piece.

Ao3 Link | Skittles' Illustrations | Bib's Music

—

Vlad was in his office.

Vlad was in his office a moment ago.

Vlad was in his office a moment ago and then he blinked. And now he wasn’t.

“Captain Buggy!” The man—one who looked like a minimum wage theatre student working at a theme park and getting far too into their role—held a sword to his throat. “There’s an intruder on deck!”

“Cheese and crackers, Daniel, if you drugged my tea or what have you…” he mumbled under his breath.

“Intruder?!” came a muffled yell. A man in an oddly colourful outfit and clown makeup, complete with a round red nose, stomped through a door leading into what Vlad can only assume is a cabin. “You mean a stowaway!”

“No, an intruder.” The man kept his sword steady even as he looked back at his ‘captain’. “He just appeared on deck out of thin air.”

“A devil fruit user, then?” Maybe Daniel did drug his tea. He’d have to get back at him somehow. Hmm. Maybe adjusting all the security in his home to be extra sensitive to ectoplasm would be appropriate.

“Possibly.” The sword shifted closer to Vlad’s neck. “Should I kill him and be done with it?”

“Now, now,”—Vlad pressed the tip of his finger to the side of the sword—“Figments of my drug induced hallucination or not, I’d rather not have you threaten my life like this, thank you.” He pushed against the sword, expecting it to yield easily.

It did not.

“Ah, this is one of those hallucinations. The ones where everything goes wrong no matter what would happen in reality.” Vlad sighed. “I do rather dislike those ones.”

“Why’s he talking gibberish, Cabaji?”

Vlad clapped his hands. “Oh good, you can’t understand me. I can insult your outfits all I like.”

“We can understand you just fine, intruder,” the ‘Cabaji’ fellow spat. “What are you, some kind of noble? A king’s advisor?”

“As flattered as I am that you’d think me adjacent to royalty, no. I’m a simple, hardworking businessman.”

Cabaji narrowed his eyes. “So a merchant? Food vendor? Store owner?”

“No—well, I suppose merchant would be closest.”

“How does a supposed merchant end up all the way out here? Without a single ship in sight?” The cold steel dragged along Vlad’s finger as it touched his throat. “Answer carefully.”

Vlad rolled his eyes. “I’m fairly certain my nephew is pulling a rather cruel prank on me. I should be out of your hair in a few hours. A day, at most.” Though it would be rather annoying if he was drugged out of his mind for the entire day. He had an important product pitch meeting to attend tomorrow morning.

“So your nephew is the devil fruit user?” ‘Captain Buggy’ said, glaring. “I don’t buy it.”

“Considering I don’t really care what you ‘buy’ or not, that is completely useless information to me.” He sighed. Rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What am I doing chatting with hallucinations?” 

“We’re real!” the supposed ‘captain’ yelled. “And answer the damn question!”

“I don’t know what kind of drug ‘devil fruit’ is slang for, but my stupid straight-laced nephew likely doesn’t touch the stuff.” Whether he would slip it into Vlad’s drink was another question entirely. He’d left ‘weed’ brownies in Vlad’s office once; Vlad didn’t know what levels that boy would stoop to for revenge.

“Well, it is East Blue. Don’t get many devil fruit users around here,” said a man in a fur vest. “If his nephew hated him and became a user, then it’s possible he really doesn’t know shit.” The large white lion next to him nodded its head.

“Right, well, now that that’s sorted, I’ll just be on my way—”

“Oh no you’re not!” Captain Buggy laughed. “If you value your life, you’ll hand over all your beri! And maybe if you play nice, we’ll even see you home. Of course, you’ll have to fork over all your valuables when we get there.”

“Oh joy.” 

The empty threats on his life were nothing new, neither were thieves after his money. He was impressed by the creativity behind the scenario; he wasn’t quite sure he’d ever imagine such a… fantastical ship of clown pirates and a possibly sentient lion in his right mind. He wasn’t sure he’d ever had hallucinations this out of the box either. Whatever Daniel slipped in his drink must have been something quite strong.

What to do, what to do…

Well. He was in his office last he remembered. The room was empty save himself. And he always locked the door before getting to work to avoid distractions.

Vlad shrugged. He couldn’t see any real consequences, as long as he kept the damage minimal.

With that, he walked forward through Cabaji’s sword. Then the man himself, ignoring his startled breath and Buggy’s yelling about crazy stuck-up men. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be finding the closest thing to a bed around here and sleeping off my… whatever is happening to my body—”

A whip wrapped around him, pinning his arms to his side. 

The man in the fur vest glared at him—were those animal ears on his head? “I don’t know how you got around Cabaji’s sword, but you’re not getting out of that.”

It wasn’t wrapped around his legs, he should still be fine. Intangibility spread out from his torso, and the whip fell to the ground. Vlad stepped over it as he continued to the nearest door. As much as he wanted to blast the man for wrinkling his suit, he would have to refrain to avoid damaging anything in his office.

A shadow appeared over Vlad’s head and he preemptively turned everything above his waist intangible. He watched, bored, as massive jaws swiftly went through him, meeting with an audible clack of teeth and a whine.

Vlad sighed, walking through the foul smelling maw. “Are you done?” 

“Not yet!” Vlad felt something grab his ankles and looked down. The captain’s hands were holding onto them. 

Just his hands.

“Can’t move now, can you?” Buggy laughed, his handless-arms crossed over each other. 

He could, but it was always a hassle to turn just his ankles intangible. If he wasn’t careful, his shoes would go through the floor and he’d scare some poor soul in the break room below his office.

Well, nothing some good old fashioned ghostly strength couldn’t fix. Just one smooth tug and then—

Vlad paused. His ankles didn’t move.

He tugged again. And again. Each time he was met with resistance—real resistance. Almost as if another ghost was holding onto him.

“Well, this is rather troubling.” Vlad tapped his chin. “I don’t know any ghosts strong enough to restrain me. Maybe ghost hunters? No, no; none of them have any subtlety. Though Fright—”

Buggy gestured with his head. “Do it.”

Vlad furrowed his brow. “Do what?”

His vision went black.

—

Vlad groaned as he awoke, a throbbing pain at his temple. He couldn’t decide whether coffee would be better or worse, but it’d be different and the promise of it could entice him from his bed—

He tried to pull off the covers, only to find his arms restrained. With ropes. Real, actual, brown ropes. They smelled like his cat’s morning breath.

“Captain,”—Vlad looked up from where he’d been staring incredulously at the ropes, coming face-to-face with the lion—“he’s awake.”

“Good. Mohji, call off Richie.”

There was a quick whistle and the lion turned and walked away, padding around the man in the fur vest. It was the same colour as the lion’s fur. So were the ears.

The man—Mohji, he assumed—rested his arm on the lion’s mane without hesitation, like Miranda with her disgusting, slobbering mastiff on bring your pet to work day. Wonderful. He’d probably assure everyone his little angel wouldn’t even think of chewing on the furniture. And suddenly he’s blubbering in Vlad’s office giving apologies and asking for exceptions and that this has never happened before sir, I swear!

Buggy crouched in front of Vlad. Right. Clown pirates. “Now that you’re all nice and comfy.” He brandished a knife from somewhere. “Your wallet just had some stupid looking cards, so you’re gonna tell us where your business is and—”

“What is it with you hallucinations and your fixation on blades?” Vlad grumbled.

The blade pressed closer. Vlad raised an eyebrow, but stayed still. He wanted to see where the clown was going with this. 

The tip of Buggy’s knife pricked his lower eyelid. 

“I’ve been pretty generous, pretty lenient you know? But even the great Buggy has limits to his kindness.” 

Vlad would argue Buggy wouldn’t know kindness if it shot him in the face.

The blade pressed deeper. “Tell me what I want to know, now.”

Well, Vlad hoped he was aiming at his desk. He was due for a new one anyway.

“Employees can always be paid off, employees can always be paid off—” Vlad mumbled to himself.

“Huh? What was that?” Buggy put his free hand to his ear. “That doesn’t sound like—GYAHH!”

Vlad shot Buggy with his eye blasts. He phased out of his restraints while Buggy was screaming and clutching his face. It would be a shame if the skin melted off—Vlad always hated the stench of burning flesh—but small sacrifices and all that.

He ran through the rest of the thugs waiting around and headed for the door. Loathe as he was to leave his office, this was getting ridiculous and he was getting thirsty—

Suddenly, freezing liquid was dumped over him and he felt all the strength in his body fading. He tripped over his own feet and tumbled face first into the wood. 

“W-What in the world…?”

“Good thinking with the bucket, Cabaji,” said Mohji. 

There was an answering grunt. “Wasn’t me. Captain had a hunch.”

“And what a hunch it was!” Buggy said, laughing. Vlad slowly lifted his head to see Buggy smirking down at him. There was hardly a scratch on him besides a ring of red skin around his eyes.

What?

“Y-You should be… your face should be…”

Buggy laughed again. “What, that wimpy thing? The worst part was how bright the light was!”

“It was essentially a laser beam, how could you possibly—?!” Vlad was cutoff as Buggy stomped on the back of his head, digging his face into the woodgrain. He groaned and made to get up when he felt something sharp pressed against his nape.

“Now, I’ve heard enough of your prattling and you still haven’t answered two very simple questions,” Buggy said, voice quieter and deeper, a menacing undertone to it. “Who are you and how did you get on my ship?”

He should just ignore this ‘captain’—maybe grab the empty bucket and bang it against his head to get enough clarity to fly himself home too—but something about how the water weighed him down, how he found it a challenge just to lift his fingers, stopped him. 

Surely by now, the illusory ‘Buggy’ fellow would know that Vlad was incapable of being restrained, much less threatened with non-ghost hunter gear. And yet the blade against his neck didn’t waver—in fact Buggy himself wasn’t even putting much weight on his foot. Vlad would only need give a little push to dislodge it, something even Daniel’s little friends would surely be capable of. 

And yet he couldn’t do it.

There was something in the water, he thought. Maybe a muscle relaxant? Must have been something strong for him to be affected this quickly. Or perhaps a poison of some sort.

Buggy increased the pressure on his foot. Vlad started to struggle pulling in breath.

Ugh, Vlad was really hoping no one was right outside his office. 

“My name is Vlad Masters,” he said, voice raspy. Buggy eased up and Vlad coughed. “I don’t know how I got here, but it was likely my nephew’s fault as I said earlier.”

“And as I said earlier, I don’t buy it.”

The pressure increased, harder than before.

“W-Wait, I can—” 

“There’s nothing to prove. You’ve got devil fruit powers yourself, we all saw it.” That ‘devil fruit’ nonsense again. What in the world were they talking about? 

“It’s true: I can’t prove it.” Well, he could fake it, but at this point these fools would probably skewer him even if he knew the truth. “But I’m clearly at your mercy, and I’m no fighter. How about I pay you for escorting me back to my home?”

“Uh huh, how stupid do you think I am? For all I know, you could be leading us to a Marine base!”

“You’re pirates; don’t you have maps?”

“I don’t know how fucking rich you are, but we don’t have maps for the entire fucking East Blue.” The prick at the back of Vlad’s neck disappeared. “But considering how you’re acting like you’ve never stepped foot outdoors, you’re probably some stuck up rich merchant like you said. Either that or you’re a pretty flashy actor.”

Flashy? “Er, thank you, I suppose.”

“We’ll take your offer.” Protests sprouted up, but Buggy shouted over them. “Shut up, you idiots! You chose to follow me, didn’t you? We’ll take this rich moron home and get some… fair compensation.” He said ‘fair compensation’ like they were dirty words. The protests died down—some of them even started laughing and eyeing Vlad like a piece of meat. How flattering. 

If this was supposed to be some kind of subconscious guilt about cancelling the sensitivity training at the office this month, Vlad wasn’t listening.

“Excellent. You can untie me now.”

“Captain, let me watch him for the night.” Cabaji narrowed his eyes. “For my own peace of mind.”

“Yeah yeah, do what you want. I’m going to the galley. Hey, one of you buffoons put on some grub!” Buggy and the few others present filed out of the cabin, leaving Vlad prone in front of a man with two swords and a glare sharper than both of them. 

“Oh joy, I’ve always wanted a sleepover.” 

—

Vlad didn’t sleep a wink.

Cabaji took his self-assigned job very seriously and the thought of closing his eyes around this man sounded like something stupid enough that even Daniel wouldn’t attempt it.

Vlad sat himself atop a box pushed up against the side wall, keeping an eye on Cabaji from his peripheral. The man was behind him, leaning against the back wall. The white of his eyes had stayed visible the whole night so Vlad hadn’t let himself nod off.

Vlad startled as the door burst open, slamming against the wall with a big BANG. 

“Rise and shine, breakfast’s on!” Mohji said, setting down his foot. Was it really necessary to kick the door open? “Hey, Cabaji, I’m talking to you. Quit the circus act and get up already! Also, merchant, what are you doing?”

“What?” Vlad looked down. His hand was raised, palm facing Mohji. He could feel the ectoplasm in his palm, but it thankfully wasn’t enough to start glowing. Vlad quickly tucked his arm behind his back. “Oh nothing, just a… greeting? Yes, it’s a particular greeting where I’m from.” He gave his best press smile to really sell it.

Mohji’s face scrunched up. “Ugh, don’t smile at me like that. It’s creepy.” He turned and leaned out of the doorway. “Oi Richie, I don’t wanna get stabbed so give him a morning call for me.”

There was a rumbling growl followed by the lion taking his owner’s place in front of the door. It took a comically large breath in and let out an earthshattering ROAR into the room.

Vlad tried to cover his ears, but it was like putting a kitchen sponge in the ocean. Absolutely useless. 

There was movement in the corner of his eye and Vlad turned, getting a good look at Cabaji for the first time since yesterday. The man was hunched over a bit, rubbing his eyes. The half of his hair that wasn’t shaved with those ridiculous stripes hid his face. 

“Richie,” he said, tone dangerously low yet somehow loud enough to be heard over the lion. “If you don’t shut up right this second, I’ll skin you alive.”

The lion immediately quieted, shaking and quickly backing away. What an oddly intelligent animal.

Cabaji looked up, adding, “Mohji, how many times have I told you never to make Richie wake me up?” The scowl on his face was slightly terrifying. Only slightly though; Vlad was far better at it. It was more impressive how he wasn’t as jumpy as Vlad was after a sleepless night.

He seemed sluggish and less tense than yesterday, actually, with the way he was pushing himself off the wall. There was something smudged on his face and hands. It was a slightly off-white colour—

Vlad froze.

He. painted. his eyelids. 

“What is wrong with you?” Vlad said, without thinking. 

Cabaji’s gaze turned on him. He smirked. “I said I was going to watch you. I didn’t say I was going to stay awake.”

“Not very bright of you.” Vlad should probably stop talking, but to hell with it. “And here I thought you were the cautious one.”

“I am the cautious one,” Cabaji said. He walked up to Vlad, his sheathed swords bumping against his hips. “Your type never looks back.”

Vlad felt his face heat up as Cabaji grabbed the back of his blazer and dragged him out of the room.

—

Breakfast was… disgusting. Even Jack had better table manners than these barbarians. And Jack had very little table manners to speak of. 

He was deposited back into that same room, this time by Richie, but Vlad was starting to get tired of waiting for whatever hallucinogen he’d ingested to wear off. 

Richie’s ear flicked as Vlad started to move towards the door. The lion’s eyes opened to slits and it lifted its head to growl at him. Not wanting to alert anyone else, he held up his hands and backed up to the wall furthest from the door. Richie huffed and settled back down. Within a few moments, its eyes were closed too.

Vlad tried over and over again; different plank, same result. He tried longer and shorter strides, using his tip toes, taking off his shoes, then his socks. Nothing worked. It was infuriating.

If a single step was enough to alert Richie, then what about opening the door? The knob and hinges wouldn’t be an issue since he could just pass through the whole thing instead of opening it. No, the problem wasn’t the door, it was the distance.

If only he could soundlessly make it to the door in the first place—

Oh.

Vlad floated a few inches off the ground. He made it to the door within moments. Richie didn’t move, snoring lightly. 

Vlad would blame this on the lack of sleep.

He phased through the wall, turning invisible as he passed through the wood. He’d already given up at this point; if someone had come into his office, he’d just have to deal with it when he had his mental faculties returned to him. 

The sunlight passed through him, its warmth missing him entirely just like the sea breeze. He slowly circled the ship from above, taking in the layout of the ship and noting the groups of pirates milling about. He paused by the crow’s nest, snatching a leftover spyglass for his own use.

Honestly, he was hoping this was one of those frivolous toys with the swirling colours in it rather than a real functioning spyglass. He always got a bit queasy looking at them so maybe he could make himself throw up whatever Daniel tricked him into taking. Not really something his employees would leave lying around, but one could hope.

Vlad put the spyglass up to his eye. It seemed like an ordinary one, but looks were deceiving. It could be the stupid toy he needed in real life and a few more moments would—

Was that another ship?

“Captain!” a distant voice yelled below. “Enemy ship spotted! It’s the Marines!”

Sure enough, painted on some of the sails was the word MARINE in big bold letters. The other sails had a blue symbol on it—Vlad’s best guess was a bird with a a wrench. 

“Alright you blockheads, get ready for battle!” Buggy shouted. “And make sure to be flashy about it.” There was a collective “Yes, captain!” followed by stomping feet and banging doors, bringing out swords and guns and cannonballs to dump on deck. Others ran for the cannons lining the side of the ship.

Enemies of Buggy and called the ‘Marines’ of all things? Vlad breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, his subconscious was giving him a real break.

Vlad quickly landed at a good spot behind a group of barrels, right by the ship’s railing. Just as he was about to try and catch the attention of the marines, there was a startled roar and the lion burst out of the storage room Vlad so brilliantly escaped.

“Richie! It’s just Marines, you’re supposed to be guarding the creepy merchant!” Mohji shouted. Richie was shaking its head and using one paw to gesture at the room it ran out of. 

On the Marine ship, a man with a white coat draped around his shoulders shouted over the din of people in eye-searing colours running around with guns. “Buggy the Clown, in accordance with Marine law, we are here to arrest you. Do not resist or we will show no mercy.”

Buggy laughed, loud and barely a few feet from Vlad’s hiding place. “You heard ‘em men! Show no mercy!” The crew roared as one and began their assault.

Gunshots and cannonfire. The whistle and shink of thrown knives hitting their targets. Cursing and grunting and yelling and, of all things, laughing. One of his employees might call it ‘brutal’, but Vlad called it a mess.

The Marines, in a far more organized and proper fashion, fired their own cannons in sync at the call of the man with the coat. Buggy’s ship rocked rather dramatically and sent a good chunk of the crew reaching for something to brace themselves. Then, moments later, everyone on the Marine ship swung over on ropes to take the fight to the pirates.

Vlad watched the man with the coat land aboard Buggy’s ship, cutting down those idiotic pirates left and right. Maybe that man was the captain of the ship? The way he was barking orders while fighting pointed to a yes. Vlad needed to make his way to him ASAP.

The ship swayed underneath him, still rocking from the cannonfire. He grabbed the bar of the railing in a death grip—who knew what kind of rusty nails or broken glass were littered about? He couldn’t afford to fall over. It was out of the question.

He started to pull himself up as the ship started to settle. Then a large wave of water splashed over the railing, soaking him completely and sapping his strength.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Vlad hissed, glaring at his visible hand and the ocean beyond it. Leaning his whole weight on the barrels, he tried to push himself up. His hand slipped and he landed ungracefully on the deck.

He couldn’t wait for his strength to come back; the sooner those Marines got a hold of him and the sooner he could sober up, the better. Plus, he didn’t want to chance that his hallucination wouldn’t make something up for the Marines to suddenly leave or get beaten by such a disorganized crew. Then he would be left to Buggy’s clutches for however long it took for him to become sober naturally!

Vlad scowled in disgust at the damp wood probably oozing tetanus. He slowly shifted to his elbows. “Crawling it is.”

He was lucky the only thing he had to worry about was unknown janitorial standards. His powers would take care of the rest.

—

Vlad spoke too soon.

As soon as he’d remembered the little detail about this not-real seawater turning off his very-real powers, he was already too far to turn around and dry off.

Guns were going off all around him—at first he’d ducked his head, but now he could only afford to flinch as he continued forward, the constant movement of feet and swords deterring him from pausing for even a second.

Thuds and thumps and slashes and cracks and the BOOM of cannon fire. There was no respite for his poor heart. 

One elbow at a time, Vlad, just one elbow at a time.

The Marine captain was blessedly keeping himself to just one corner of the ship, but Vlad wasn’t sure if he’d make it to that corner in one piece.

The scrape of his blazer against the deck grated at him like the rough wood under his hands. He spent not a small sum on this suit and it was getting sullied all for the sake of some stupid teenage boredom. When Vlad saw Daniel again, he was going to—

A sword impaled itself into the deck, a barely an inch from Vlad’s arm.

A cold sweat broke out all over his body and he kept himself as still as he possibly could. He heard the smack of flesh on flesh directly above him followed by a loud thud. Then a series of stomps and the distinct sound of clothes dragging on wood. 

He heard the tear in his suit before he’d even realized he’d jerked his arm free.

Vlad kept his gaze only on his goal, ignoring the jagged cut in his blazer and the not-so-distant splash that echoed over the rest of the battlefield.

He navigated around broken weapons, splintered holes, and still bodies, all while keeping down his breakfast. He nearly didn’t manage it when he realized the only way forward was through a blood splatter almost as big as Vlad himself.

He did make it, though the less said the better. 

Finally, he’d made it to the mast, not far from the captain of the Marines, but not as close as he’d like either. He sat up against it, thankful his suit was black and hiding the dark stains that he could still, unfortunately, smell. The man who made a fool out of him all night was providing quite the distraction though.

Cabaji was smiling like a cat that caught the canary, engaged in a swordfight with one of the Marine soldiers. And he was riding a unicycle of all things. On a swaying ship. Not far off, he saw Buggy’s legs running around, and Buggy himself laughing somewhere behind Vlad.

That grating laugh spurred him on and before Vlad knew it, he was already at his goal.

“We’re pushing them back, don’t falter!” the Marine Captain yelled.

“Excuse me.” The captain looked down to where Vlad was tapping his shoe. He quickly dispatched the closest pirates before pointing his sword downward. “Ah, I see you’re quick to make assumptions, but I am no mere pirate—”

“Uh huh, you’re ‘one of the best’?” The captain glared at him. “Heard it a thousand times. How about you get up from where you’re scuttling around down there and prove it?”

“No no, there’s a misunderstanding here—you see, I’m a hostage, not a pirate.” He glanced a look back at the carnage around them. “Hence the… scuttling, as you put it.” He clasped his hands. “Please, I really do need some protection. I’m a simple” —ugh— “merchant, you see, and this band of pirates kidnapped me for my wealth!” 

“That so? Well then, allow me to correct myself.” Vlad sighed, relieved. Of course, there was no reason to worry. A smart fellow like this would know the difference between an upstanding citizen and a group of horrendous criminals.

The captain reached down with his free hand. “Oh, thank you—” 

He yanked Vlad up by his shirt collar. “You’re one of the worst.”  

“I don’t know what you mean,” Vlad rasped, clutching at the arm currently choking him out.

“You’re soaking wet, roaming freely above deck, and none of the pirates have done anything to stop you—in fact, they’re getting out of your way.”

What? That was preposterous. Vlad was just exceptionally observant and aware of his surroundings. Why would these pirates bother to avoid him at any point when they’ve made his life so miserable already?

Buggy caught his eye. He broke into a wide smile. 

He rubbed his thumb against his index and middle fingers.

Vlad scowled. That stupid clown planned this. All for the sake of getting his money! 

Why couldn’t that buffoon act like any other security detail he’d ever contracted and be just as incompetent and mediocre as he thought they’d be?!

“I know your type,” the captain hissed, cutting down another pirate without looking. 

“M-My type?” Vlad laughed. Or at least he attempted. “I’m flattered, but I’ve already got someone—”

“You’re the type that throws away their pride, their dignity. Quivers and grovels at your enemies feet until they can’t help but believe you. Pity you. Hesitate. And just as they let their guard down,”—the grip around his neck got tighter; Vlad desperately scrabbled at it—“you stab them in the back. Gloating and mocking them before they take their last breaths in front of their—!”

Just as Vlad was starting to black out, the captain screamed and Vlad dropped to the ground. As he coughed up half a lung trying to catch his breath, he noticed a different captain’s legs in front of him.

“Aww,” Buggy said in mocking sympathy, “did your daddy get duped by a poor little pirate?” He laughed. “What’d he fucking expect? A thank you card?”

“He was a good man, but he was naive.” The Marine captain gripped a bloodied dagger lodged in his shoulder. “I won’t make the same mistake. 

“Fire on me!”

What?

Cannons sounded to the left without a moment’s hesitation. 

“You maniac, you’ll get yourself killed with us!” Vlad shouted.

The captain grinned, sweat running down his face. “If I can take down even one of you disgusting pirates, then my life is a small price to pay.”

The screech of metal on wood echoed in Vlad’s ears as he watched marines heave and shift their cannons to point at their own captain. Men rushed about and moments later there were several booms and Vlad was still damp, he couldn’t manage total intangibility much less—

“We’re running, you shady bastard!”

Something grabbed the back of his jacket and hoisted him up. And up and up and up.

Flying. 

He was flying!

The wind on his wet clothes made him shiver.

He was flying?

“Hey, hold these.” A pair of boots—severed feet in boots—were thrust into his hands. “You drop them, I drop you. Got it?”

He nodded, a little dumbfounded and a lot relieved.

“A little fight is all it takes to shut you up?” Buggy laughed. “If I knew that I would’ve beat you up when you first got here.”

“I’m just impressed a simpleton like yourself managed to find a way to make yourself fly with your limited abilities.”

“Shut up! I could drop you in the ocean, you know!”

“I’m well aware, thank you.”

Buggy continued on with some inane drivel about respect for the strong, but Vlad tuned him out as he kept his attention on the mess below. 

Seeing the deck from high above was nothing like before. The bodies alone were disturbing enough, but the spilled blood, the open flesh—the gore—it was almost too much for Vlad. Plotting murder was one thing, but seeing it first hand…

“Alright, I’m dropping you. Don’t bite your tongue.” Vlad jerked, desperately gripping Buggy’s arm. “Get a good hit in or whatever. Doesn’t matter as long as you distract him.”

“Are you insane? I’m not letting—” His hands held tight, but Vlad lowered slightly. He looked up and noticed Buggy’s arm separate from his shoulder. 

Then it turned into pieces.

Vlad dropped to the deck, screaming the whole time. He was about to die a terrible death and for what? A stupid no good pirate clown and what sense did that even make, just pick one—!

His wildly flailing feet connected with something hard and meaty. The lumpy ground he landed on miraculously broke his fall, leaving him with only a racing heart and aching legs. 

“Hey, you actually landed on him!” Buggy laughed, floating right above him. “Nice one, priss!”

Vlad scrambled up off the Marine captain he just landed on. The blood seeping into the cracked wood did not bode well for his chances of being believed. Something wiggled in his arms and he startled, letting Buggy’s feet fall to the deck.

“You—You dropped me!” He jabbed a finger in Buggy’s chest. “I didn’t meant to fall on him; that was all you!”

“I can’t fly around while carrying someone for that long, dumbass.” Buggy looked past Vlad. “Now, how about you make use of your useless devil fruit and get outta the way.”

Vlad followed his gaze to the Marine captain pushing himself up, a gash on his forehead bleeding profusely over his snarling face. “All troops!” he yelled. “Ignore the man in the suit!”

A swell of hope filled Vlad’s chest. Maybe the man somehow knew this was all Buggy’s doing? Or he’d decided to give Vlad another chance of proving his innocence? Either way, as long as he deduced this was one big misunderstanding, Vlad could finally be taken somewhere civilized! 

The man looked Vlad dead in the eyes. “He’s mine.”

“Oops, forgot about killing him when he was distracted,” Buggy said, pulling out almost enough knives to match his fingers. “Well Shady, time for you to leave.”

“No.”

“There water in your ears? I told you to beat it!”

Vlad clenched and unclenched his fist. He felt ectoplasm gather in his palm, pink fire condensed in the centre. Good.

“Hey, I’m talking to you, priss!”

“Do you seriously expect me to just sit back and let you handle this, like some damsel in distress?” Vlad asked.

“Cut the crap, you’re weak as shit. Even a cadet could take you out.”

A red glow lit up Buggy’s face. “Where I’m from, I am the being that everyone fears.” Vlad hovered over Buggy. “Disregarding you and your crewmates’ abnormal strength, I am no pushover.”

“Making yourself taller doesn’t change anything.”

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Vlad hissed. “I defeat this fool of a soldier and show him the staggering difference between us.” The glow grew brighter. “Then, once you are sufficiently afraid of me, you will start treating me like a real guest.” He floated closer, practically nose to nose. “You will escort me home and, as a courtesy, I will actually pay you for your services. Then you never bother me again. The. End.”

Buggy laughed, long and loud. “Shady, I think you’re the stupidest man I’ve ever met! And I’ve met tons of stupid men!” 

“My name is Vlad.” The red glow shifted to pink. “And unless you want another blast to the face, I suggest you beat it.”

“Fine fine, no need to be cranky.” Buggy threw up his hands in one swift movement, his knives disappearing somewhere. Great, a clown magician. 

Something swung towards Vlad from the corner of his eye and he turned intangible with hardly a thought. “Finally, I can beat some manners and common sense into your dense skull. Tell me, what kind of pirate wears a hand-tailored cashmere suit?”

“The kind that tries to bait you!” the captain said, hardly pausing before drawing back for another swing. Vlad shot his eyeblasts—perfect aim as per usual—before flying a good distance away. The man cried out, covering his eyes. It didn’t stop him as long as Buggy, hardly a few seconds before he was glaring at Vlad again.

Vlad spread his hand out, firing a blast at his chest. The shot bounced off, seemingly harmless as the Marine captain stalked towards him.

Okay, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

He tried again, aiming higher. The man hardly flinched, a small, easily missed burn on his forehead. Then Vlad’s flying suddenly cut out and he was stumbling on deck. Shoes on wood. 

The ship swayed again, maybe a wave or the fighting was getting too rowdy on the other side of the deck. Something wet trickled down from his hair. 

Sea spray. Or maybe even rain. Well, wasn’t he lucky.

“More of your tricks?” the captain asked, pulling a sword sticking out of the deck. Two swords now, dragging against the floorboards. Vlad started to back away. “Trying to distract me again before your captain delivers an ambush?”

No, those were attacks that would leave Daniel—and any other ghost, for that matter—groaning in the dirt. A human would have to seek immediate medical attention. Or a morgue.

This man walked it off like it was a pesky bug flying into him. Less than a bug; there was no notice of danger, no fear of injury.

“Of course someone like you would resort to party tricks. Considering the circus crew you’ve aligned yourself with. And considering your lack of fighting skills, you’re either a disposable pawn or you’re the captain’s boytoy.” The man scoffed. “Must be a good fuck if none of this is a trick.”

“I generally abhor getting my own hands dirty—save for one very special case—so congratulations! You’ve made my list.” Vlad held his hands close together, drawing as much ectoplasm as possible into a single point between his palms. “Have fun in the afterlife. I’ll be sure to send an orange coloured buffoon after you soon.”

He let the ectoplasm explode from his palms, creating a massive ectoblast well over the size of the Marine captain. Smoke burst from one of the barrels—perhaps ignited gunpowder—covering half the deck and obscuring his view. Probably for the best, he didn’t care for seeing the messy aftermath.

Mohji whistled a ways behind Vlad. “Some light show. Did you blind him?”

“It wasn’t a mere light show. It was a highly destructive laser made of a corrosive energy source I can create and use at will.” Vlad dusted off what he could of his suit, grimacing at the sticky blood covered in dust and dirt. “That man is most certainly dead. I guarantee it.”

“Just like you were ‘certain’ you’d injured Captain Buggy yesterday?” Cabaji asked, arms crossed and glaring. The whole thing was undercut by the ridiculous unicycle he was riding back and forth in place.

“That was a fluke. Your captain is abnormally strong,”—and so was Cabaji for that matter, but Vlad wasn’t going to admit it to his face—“but this soldier is human. And every one of my abilities is lethal to—”

“You…” came a deep, rasping voice from the smoke. “Are going to die. By my hand.”

Vlad froze. Somewhere behind him Richie growled.

“You think you can get away without taking me seriously?!”

Out from the smoke emerged the Marine captain, covered in dust, lightly singed, and the picture of rage.

“I’m done doing this by the book.” The man dropped his sword. “I’m going to beat you until your crew can’t even recognize you anymore.” He stalked toward Vlad. “Then I’ll choke you out, tie you to an anchor, and throw you over the edge.”

He loomed over Vlad. “Maybe then you’ll regret the lives you’ve ruined.”

Vlad laughed stiffly. “Well, there’s no need for all that. I’m already regretting my life choices as we speak. You see it all started—” He threw a swift punch to the captain’s gut. There, that should solve that.

Where he was expecting a groan of pain and the man falling over, all he heard was a low, “Did you really think that would work?”

The man reached for Vlad’s wrist, but he turned intangible and quickly flew back. “Listen, I’m not really in the habit of fighting people I don’t have life long revenge plots against,”—and annoying teenagers who try to foil said plots—“so how about you accept your defeat now and I’ll graciously accept your surrender.” He shook out his hand behind his back, trying to subtly relieve the smarting pain in his knuckles.

“I’m done talking.” 

The Marine captain rushed Vlad, throwing punches left and right that Vlad was just barely able to dodge. Or rather, phase through. His intangibility had started to flicker between punches and he couldn’t figure out why.

Something sparkled off the captain’s arm, reflected by the sun. Water. Seawater.

“When did you even—” Vlad was cut off as his intangibility dropped completely and he had to dive for the deck to avoid an armbar. “Sugar and cream, can you just hold your horses for a one blasted moment?!”

Vlad tried to swing out a leg to trip him, but it was like slamming his shin into a tree trunk. He pulled back his leg with a hiss. “Cheese logs, what are you people made of?!”

Mohji and Richie, the useless oafs, had the gall to laugh at him while he was fighting for his life. Vlad even caught a glimpse of Cabaji with a smirk on his face. He shouldn’t have expected less from pirates of all people, but what happened to Buggy’s ridiculous order of keeping him safe to humiliate him?

He hastily turned himself invisible and scrambled away as the man was about to stomp on him. Then he found his invisibility had stopped working the moment another kick landed right on his back.

“Sir, really, I’m not part of this little group of—”

“My name,” —the captain said, cutting him off—“is Desta Abebe. I’m the 83rd division captain of the Marines.” Vlad felt a prick at his neck. A sword. “In the name of the Marines, you are hereby to be executed. Right here, right now.”

“Hey now, what happened to breaking the rules—?”

Desta leaned down, whispering with blood on his breath, “I will use any means necessary to kill a pirate.”

Vlad’s intangibility. He needed to strain himself, pull on it as much as possible and phase through the man. No, not even the man, just the sword. If he could go through the sword then he could bluff the man, he just needed a second—half a second. A millisecond even—anything!

A loud, grating laugh echoed from above. “Now isn’t this a familiar sight?”

The sound of metal slicing into flesh and finally, finally the painful noises from the captain that Vlad had been waiting for.

Desta didn’t move, but Vlad could feel the blood seeping into the back of his suit. More metal slicing into flesh, accompanied by Buggy’s laughter, and at last, the man stumbled back. 

Vlad tripped his way to his feet as Buggy’s legs walked up to him. Buggy’s torso and head floated above, his hands missing. He grinned down at Vlad. “I saw those flashy lights of yours! You should’ve said you had something that big and bright; I would’ve treated you better!” He laughed, floating down to slap Vlad’s back and send him stumbling. 

Vlad rubbed his back as he asked, “Really?”

“No, but I would’ve considered it.”

“You f-filthy—” Captain Desta dropped to one knee, bent over to reveal the dozen or so knives lodged into his back, a dark red stain rapidly growing on his white coat. He coughed, leaving a splatter of blood on the deck. 

Two Marine soldiers came up on either side of him, lifting him to his feet. “Sir, we need to retreat,” the woman with purple hair said. Imagine that, a member of law enforcement with dyed hair. Vlad would be bemoaning what the world had come to, but… well.

“You should listen to your cadet, Captain,” Buggy said, a toothy grin on his face. He brandished another handful of knives with a cackle. “Unless you’d like your front to match your back!”

The man tried to push himself up. “No, I’m going to—”

“Captain Desta. With all due respect, even if you could win we would not.” The captain’s brow furrowed and for the first time since the battle started, Vlad took a a look around the ship. A good look.

There were countless injured and dead Marines. Meanwhile, Buggy’s crew watched with wide, bloodthirsty smiles. If it weren’t for Buggy and his trusted aides between them and Captain Desta, he didn’t think they would’ve hesitated to continue the carnage.

Desta snarled, ceasing his struggles. “All troops, retreat!”

“Alright you all!” Buggy shouted. “Give them a flashy farewell!”

Buggy’s crew responded in kind, a loud deafening roar as the crowd ran past Vlad, swords in the air and guns at the ready. The remaining marines fled as fast as they could, the ones first to their ship trying to give some kind of cover fire. The Marine gunmen were picked off, falling like dead flies one after another as the cacophony of laughing pirates chased after their allies.

“Barbarians,” Vlad muttered, turning away from the sight.

“You’ll get used to it,” Buggy said, finally connecting his body together. “They’re like dogs with their favourite treat.”

“Like K-9 units I suppose.” He rolled his eyes as he patted himself down. Relatively dry again, likely enough to avoid a repeat of earlier. “How very charming. And would this mean you’re calling yourself a mutt?” 

“Watch it, Shady.” Buggy pointed one of his knives at him. “I don’t like you that much.”

“I don’t recall saying that with the intention of you liking—” 

A searing, mind-numbing pain erupted from Vlad’s thigh and he fell to his knees. He was so startled he didn’t even try to hold back his scream.

There was blood seeping from the hole in his suit. He put a hand over it, then immediately yanked it back. He turned over his palm, staring at the liquid staining his skin. It was warm.

The thumping, aching pain, the red-green colour trickling from his leg, it—

Hastily, he tore away at his suit. Because it couldn’t be his blood. It couldn’t be. That was impossible, completely and utterly so. This was all a hallucination, a stupid prank from Daniel that had gone much too far and really he needed to have a talk with his mother about the dangers of slipping people unknown substances in their drinks and—

A hole in his leg, a little bigger than the width of his finger. Still trickling blood.

Index finger hovering over it, he stared at the hole. Willing himself to take the final step. To find out once and for all that this wasn’t real. That he’d just banged his leg into a desk or a wall or the edge of his car.

Something grabbed at his hand, but he phased through it with hardly a thought. He took the plunge.

His throat hurt, but he could hardly hear his own voice. The pain in his leg was nothing compared to the harrowing realization that washed over him.

This world was real. 

This world was real.

There he sat, finger jammed in his actual real live bullet wound, the sounds of battle hungry, village pillaging, in-the-flesh pirates ringing in his ears like a death knell. 

How—How did this even happen? How did he get here?

More importantly, how was he supposed to get home?

…Could he even return home?

What if this was it? What if whatever put him here left him stranded? Unable to call for help or aid—though he didn’t even know who he’d call—and left to wander this world for the rest of his natural life. How long would that even last? He aged like any other human, but being part ghost must have some affect on his lifespan. And he was more likely than the average human to become a full ghost, so would that mean he’d be stuck in this world for the rest of his existence? Cursed to roam unfamiliar waters and lands until he had the courage to—

Something slapped the back of his head. “Oh man up, it was just one bullet.”

Vlad grunted as he fell forward, reaching back to rub the tender spot.

“I’ve been shot at dozens of times and you don’t see me whining about it.” Light blue hair tickled the side of Vlad’s cheek and Buggy’s voice sounded closer. “Oh eugh, you actually got shot. You should work on not letting that happen.”

“You—” Vlad cut himself off with a shriek as his hand was pulled from the wound.

“What is wrong with you? Why would you just stick your finger in there?” Mohji said. “They teach you that in high society or something? Fucking idiot.” He turned to call out to one of the pirates lingering at the edge of the fighting. “Hey, toss me a bottle!”

Buggy’s feet stepped around them, his floating body reclined with his hands behind his back and following until he was behind Mohji. “Thought you liked your eyes?”

“I’ve got it covered. Richie.”The lion sat itself next to Mohji. It placed a paw on Vlad’s face the same moment Mohji grabbed a unmarked bottle out of the air. Vlad heard the cork pop and Mohji’s condescending voice. “Trying to die of an infection before you hand over your estate isn’t very smart of you, Merchant.”

Offput by the smelly, sticky paw in his face, he managed a muffled, “It’s Vlad, and I wasn’t—” Their odd conversation finally clicked. “Wait, no you don’t need to—!” A string of cheese and cookies ripped from Vlad’s croaky throat as Mohji proceeded to dump alcohol on the wound. 

“Was that really necessary?” Vlad asked as Richie pulled his paw away. Mohji was covered in a red glow.

Mohji rolled his eyes and grabbed a roll of bandages from somewhere. “Put that away, you’re not scaring anyone.” He noticeably didn’t answer Vlad’s question. He didn’t ask before roughly wrapping up Vlad’s leg. “Our doctor’s probably performing some generous amputations on our unannounced guests, so you’ll have to wait until later for someone to take a proper look at it.” He tied off the bandage to the point Vlad thought it would cut off circulation. Probably did it that way on purpose, the sadist.

Mohji pushed himself up and walked off with Richie, probably to join the others as they shot canons off at the fleeing Marine ship. The moment he moved, Buggy laughed. “Hey look! You look right at home!” 

Buggy pulled out a small mirror and Vlad took a look at his reflection. The blood from Richie’s paw had smeared on his face in a way that wasn’t unlike Buggy’s own clown makeup. 

It should’ve been terrifying.

Instead, it gave him an idea.

“If—” he started, breathing heavy and voice shaky. “If I wanted to join your crew. Would you let me?” 

Buggy’s brows raised. “Oh, what’s this? Had a taste for battle and now you want more?” He dropped the mirror, leaning in until he was nose to nose with Vlad. Unblinking, he dropped into a low whisper, “Or are you pulling my leg to steal my treasure?”

“Y-Yes.” Vlad gulped. “Er, no I don’t want your treasure. I’m… I’m already wealthy, as you well know. Uh, but my days have always been… mundane so to say. Confined to a boring routine that hardly changes. But this—” The best lies are centred in truth, the best lies are centred in truth. “I always saw more for myself than what my life has come to. I imagined being with the girl of my dreams, and that didn’t happen. I imagined making scientific discoveries and being famous for my work, and instead I sit behind a desk all day doing—doing nothing.

“This is the first time I’ve felt a sense of adventure—a sense of living by your own rules and not caught up in stupid paperwork and… well I suppose I want to chase that feeling as long as I can.”

Buggy continued to stare silently. It dragged on uncomfortably long. Vlad would loosen his tie, but he didn’t think that would help the choking fear in his throat.

Just as he was going to continue his rambling, Buggy laughed.

“Well, why didn’t you just say so!” He put an arm around Vlad. “Welcome to the crew, Shady!”

Relief blew through him, culminating in a, “Thank goodness.” He scrambled to correct himself. “I mean, thank goodness! I was worried you’d refuse and throw me overboard.”

“Don’t be silly!” Buggy’s grip grew tighter. “If we threw you overboard, we would’ve never got the escort money.” His grip loosened. “Which we’re still getting by the way. Think of it as a flashy entrance fee.”

“Did your other crewmembers have to pay an entrance fee?”

“No, but you’re stinking rich and I recently had all my treasure stolen.”

Vlad sighed. “Right.” Something he’d have to figure out an excuse for sooner or later. 

“Of course, we’ll be stopping by Loguetown first; I have a dirty thief and a stupid rubber boy to catch and kill. Roronoa Zoro too while we’re at it.”

A small mercy. Vlad could figure out an excuse once they finally reached a town and he could acquire some books and maps on this world. 

“We’ll keep your fee on pause until after me and my crew get our revenge. Then we’ll settle things and you’ll officially be one of us.” Buggy grinned. “Maybe I’ll even let you borrow some makeup since it seems you like it so much.” He gave a final laugh and slapped Vlad’s back before floating off to adress his crew.

Vlad roughly scrubbed the blood from his face with his sleeve. If he took a few more moments than necessary, his arm covering his face and shoulders shaking, that was his business.

“Hey Shady! Come and introduce yourself proper so these layabouts know who’s paying for our future feasts!”

Vlad would return home one day. To his loving cats and future wife.

He’d make sure of it.

Vlad put a hand on his knee and pushed himself up, taking the first step to—

He screamed.

“SON OF A BITCH.”

[amongusmpreg]

Why are you so cheesy pilled

ok, well honestly this is something i’ve been meaning to get off my chest.

1. Meeting your soulmate

2. Going to your friend's weddings

3. Stargazing

4. Food

5. Going to every country

6. Nice smelling candles

7. Music

8. Concerts

9. The people that love you.

10. Snowball fights

11. Going to the beach

12. Sunsets

13. Sunrises

14. Hiking in Forests

15. Dogs and Cats and Pets

16. New movies

17. Old movies

18. Going to the drive in theatre

19. Walking through local markets

20. Your favorite artists next song

21. Drawing

22. Sculpting your own pots

23. Birthdays

24. Inside jokes with your friends

25. That special persons laugh

26. Warm houses on cold days

27. Bonfires with smores

28. Reconnecting with old friends

29. Smelling flowers

30. Soft plushies

31. The smell of fresh baked cookies

32. Kareoke

33. Sleepovers

34. Your favorite videogame

35. Learning a new language

36. Long walks on the beach

37. Seeing every ocean

38. Squishy bunnies

39. Going to the store to smell perfumes

40. Long hot showers

41. Tea/ coffee

42. Seeing rainbows

43. Helping wounded animals

44. Bath bombs

45. Cleaning the Earth

46. Getting married

47. Going to see brodway shows

48. The sound of rain

49. Long car rides

50. Going on a train

51. Memes

52. Going to the zoo

53. Looking at funny art

54. The smell of old books

55. Butterflies

56. Collecting shells

57. Color

58. Sending letters

59. Surprise parties

60. Warm sheets

61. Reading

62. Swimming in the pool at night

63. Going to diners with friends

64. Early morning runs

65. Looking at old photos

66. Going to a museum

67. Soft sweaters

68. Glitter

69. Going to the aquarium

70. Hugs

71. Making snow angels

72. Holidays

73. Home cooked meals

74. Roller coasters

75. Decorating for parties

76. Playing pranks on friends

77. Dancing

78. Singing in the shower

79. Seeing your favorite animal in person

80. Meeting your hero

81. Bubble wrap

82. Ice water on hot days

83. Poetry

84. Trying on funny clothes

85. Hanging out with friends

86. City skylines

87. Wearing your favorite color

88. Beautiful wildlife

89. Collecting stickers

90. Making some ones day

91. Laughing so hard you can't breath

92. Warm blankets fresh from the dryer

93. Sewing

94. Seeing the future

95. Late night convos

96. Rewatching your favorite show

97. Blowing Bubblegum

98. Boardgames

99. Sitting out in the rain

100. Bubbles

101. Cooking new thing

102. Bob Ross tutorials

103. Picnics

104. Tire swings

105. Old architecture

106. Reading books

107. Growing your own food

108. Clear skies

109. Baking things you love

110. Finding new hobbies

Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you? You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”.

[the-starry-seas]

It's my goal to finish some monthly prompt lists and I decided to let people request the characters I write about! comfy-vember is platonic hurt-comfort with an emphasis on comfort, fanovember is literary themes, and fluffcember is all fluff. Links lead to the prompt lists. Plain text prompts are below the cut and I'll cross out prompts as they're requested.

Rules:

You don't have to be following me

One request per person

Send an ask instead of a DM/reply/reblog

Name the event you're requesting for

Request two or three prompts in order of preference, in case somebody else already requested your first choice

Open to all characters and ships but SFW only

Use character names instead of ship names, and specify platonic or romantic for fanovember and fluffcember prompts

Fandoms I'm writing for:

Alien franchise excluding Romulus

AVP

Fallout (show)

Jurassic Park and Jurassic World

Killjoys

Leverage

Pacific Rim

Star Wars (any of the movies, BOBF, Bad Batch, or The Mandalorian)

The Murderbot Diaries

Titanfall 2

TMNT (Bayverse or Rise)

Transformers (Bayverse, Bumblebee, Rise of the Beasts, or TFOne)

Comfy-vember

Breaking bad habits — New day — Train ride

Favourite song — Holding hands — Walking and talking

Special breakfast — Spoon feeding — Forehead kiss

Bed rest — Mug of tea — Soft music

Saying their name — Hand on knee — Dressing fancy

Weak crying — Trusting — Slow hug

Eye of the storm — Sleeping on shoulder — First hug

Found — Thunder shower — Fresh fruit

Scars — Passing smile — Baking cookies

Overcoming fear — Sharing a bed — Lullaby

Verbal affirmation — Couch cuddles — Nose kiss

Hand on shoulder — Practical gift — Movie night

Relearning a skill — Surprise compliment — Fresh laundry

After nightmare — Day together — Random gift

Shopping trip — Storytelling — Laughing phone call

Carrying — Reading aloud — Loving gaze

Healing wounds — I love you text/note — Rain on the roof

Coming home — Kitchen dancing — Sleeping in

Putting on ointment — Thick blankets — Sunset

Desperate hug — Sharing food — Care for caregiver

Enthusiastic greeting — Late night laughter — Waking up together

Bail out — Car ride — Lamplight

Remembering medication — Art on fridge — Warm toast

Apology — Palm kiss — Campfire

Washing bloodstains — Hair brushing — Cheek kiss

Confession — Crying hug — Picnic

Promise keeping — Quick hug — Beach/waves

Cast taken off — Sleepy kiss — Hot chocolate

Showing up — Birthday gift — Bicycle

In dreams — Happy tears — Dancing in rain

Fanovember

Romance

Short story

Terror

Adventure

Art

Retelling

Historical

Journal

Theatre

Witchcraft

Religion

Fantasy

Astrology

Mithology

Poetics

Reality show

Press

Urban fantasy

Film/Movie

Family

Music

Epistolary

Sci-fi

Autobiography

Cuisine

Dance

Board games

Classic

Thriller

Flash-fiction

Fluffcember

Roasted Marshmallows

Winter Flu

Snowman

Christmas Sweater

Northern Lights

Gingerbread House

Condensed Breath

Sparkling Snow

Sugar Rush

Carols

Slippery

Skiing

Fire and Ice

Winter Soup

Naughty List

Chocolate

Snowed in

Mistletoe

Fondue

Fairy Tales

Cabin in the Snow

Winter Storm

Confessions

Christmas Tree

The Perfect Gift

Forgiveness

Family Gathering

Cold Turkey

Mint

Warming Up

Fireworks

[the-insomniac-emporium]

HCs for how some of the Resident Lover leads would take care of a sick MC

Because I have a cold and it's kicking my ass. Short, simple, and typed up on my phone. Features: Daniela, Miranda, and Cassandra. Will probably do the others at some point, just had the most thoughts with these three

Daniela:

Tries to stay as close to you as she can without getting herself sick, but almost always ends up catching your cold.

You'll ask for a kiss and she'll give you one on your forehead, and if you pout she'll say something like "sick homies get forehead kisses only". Continue pouting and she'll start pouting too, commencing a battle of puppy-dog eyes. It's honestly 50/50 who wins

Offers to bring you to the skatepark if you think fresh air might help. Also 100% willing to skate to the store and back to get you whatever you need.

Will attempt to cuddle with you in such a way that you're not breathing on her, hoping that'll be enough to keep from getting sick. It is not.

Inevitably catches whatever you have and finally calls up Bela for some of that magic soup.

Miranda:

Somewhat surprisingly (considering how many times she's lost you), Miranda doesn't get too worried or fussy over your health. At least not for a run-of-the-mill cold. But don't you dare start showing unusual symptoms (aka anything she hasn't seen from you before) or she WILL get fussy, in that "I'm worried and therefore feel the need to exert all possible control over this situation" type of way.

Sets alarms/reminders for you to take your medicine, wants you to text her confirmation that you've taken it.

Initially, Miranda attempts to buy food/drinks for you, but eventually realizes that she's not great at selecting stuff for you while you're sick. So instead, she'll give you a phone number and say you can use it like a personal DoorDash (it's either Mia or Caldwell, probably).

Depending on how long your cold lasts, she might get "fed up with her temporary assistant" (she just misses you SO much) and work from home.

Cassandra:

Her behavior largely depends on whether or not either of you are currently involved in a production. Best case scenario? Neither of you are, and she can focus on keeping you as comfortable as possible, bringing you sweet treats from her coffee trips. She'll probably also bring flowers and tea from Donna's shop.

If she's in a production and you're not?... She loves you, but she is NOT getting sick. Wears a mask, keeps a bottle of hand sanitizer in her pocket, keeps physical contact to a bare minimum (no matter how sad it makes her). Doubles the number of treats she brings in an attempt to make up for it.

If both of you are in a production?... Prepare to be exposed to the most foul, unholiest concoctions ever conceived by theatre kids. Even if you have an understudy, Cassandra will try to get you to at the very least make opening night. By the time your cold is over, you will have exactly 3 intact memories of what occurred during your illness, but reviews will call your performance inspired and passionate. You get the feeling that whatever you drank has theoretically barred you from any positive kind of afterlife, somehow.

[yesimadeanotherblogfuckoff]

People are always saying how crazy it is Gabriel and Beelzebub figured out their relationship in 4 years compared to Aziraphale and Crowley who have known each other for 6000 years and still haven’t gotten together but we have to remember the context.

Gabriel and Beelzebub are in a total different position than Aziraphale and Crowley. There’s decidedly less fear in their minds when they’re together. Technically, yes, they absolutely shouldn’t be talking to the enemy but they’re both the bosses of their respective sides. They aren’t as closely monitored, are respected, and expected to be the most Heavenly/Hellish people. They have the power to get away with things lower ranked angels/demons might not be able to. They have no attachments to neither Earth, Heaven, or Hell and have no qualms with dropping everything and fucking off to Alpha Centuri if discovered. And more importantly, they are sure of themselves. They are proud of their identities as a demon and an angel and have never been criticized for doing so. They think each other are their Heaven/Hell. They find nothing wrong with their respective sides. They are able to love each other so readily because nothing is holding them back.

Very much unlike Aziraphale and Crowley who have been doubting since the Beginning (well in Crowley's case even before that). They have never fit their positions, a demon who’s just a little bit a good person and an angel who’s just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing. Always out of place and lonely. Their head offices looming over them waiting for them to make a false move. Crowley got sucked back down to Hell for stopping a girl from committing suicide and Aziraphale gets berated constantly by other angels for enjoying Earthly pleasures (food, music, books, etc) They have never been able to be unabashedly themselves without consequence. Not to mention the high risk that comes with them being discovered. Aside from their relationship, they love humanity indubitably. Aziraphale loves his bookshop, tea, food, music, magic, and theatre. While Crowley is quieter about it, he is undeniably attached to the Earth with his clothes, plants, alcohol, and his Bentley. All that gets taken away if their relationship and in turn, their true natures are revealed. They would be separated, no longer stationed on Earth, and possibly killed— an absolute nightmare for both of them. With such a looming threat of violence and a such a repressed image of self, how could they possibly get together? How could there ever be time to be themselves much less a them?

[aziraphales-library]

Hello! Thank you for the countless times you've recommended my works, I appreciate it 🥹 I wondered if you have any short, fluffy oneshots with domestic husbands kissing. There can be smut, I'm indifferent. I just really want some domestic husbands kissing and being cute and adorable

Hi! We have lots of fics on our #fluff, #domestic fluff, and #kissing tags. Here are some short fics to add to the collections...

Home is just another word for you by Onomatopoetikon (G)

Crowley has never understood the human obsession with the concept of home. For millennia he has heard humans tell stories and sing songs of home – leaving it, finding it, building and returning to it – but he has never understood it. Not until he almost lost it.

The Quiet Moments by My_Dialect (G)

Aziraphale and Crowley spend a quiet afternoon together, enjoying each other's company and reflecting on their long history together.

Drunk (and not so drunk) Shenanigans by Fire_Traveller (T)

Since it's a rainy day, Aziraphale and Crowley find themselves stuck in the bookshop with nothing better to do than to get thoroughly sloshed and ramble on about nothing in particular. They will eventually sober up, though...and Aziraphale might just have another idea what to do to pass the time with each other... Things turn rather suggestive at the end, but there is no on-screen smut here - we'll leave that to the privacy of a certain angel and demon...

Baby, You Can Drive My Car by CopperBeech (T)

Avert the Apocalypse? Check. Move to the South Downs like respectable retirees? Check. Break a six-thousand-year habit of careful distancing? Not so fast. But Aziraphale does have one thing he'd like to check off. “Crowley, are you going to let me try this or not? You said you had nothing on today. We don’t live in London any more, the omnibus only runs three times a day and twice on Sundays, it’s completely unfair to expect you to ferry me everywhere. I just need to learn the basics. Once I’ve mastered them I’ll choose an automobile of my own. I wouldn’t presume to take the Bentley out any old time."

Just an ordinary day at last by 5ftjewishcactus (G)

Books, Food, and Crowley. Aziraphale's most favorite things. And he gets to spend an entire day enjoying all three. Just a normal day in a post-apocalypse world for an angel and his favorite demon.

to us, fortuni by enbymegumi (G)

Aziraphale feels himself start to sweat. He looks down at his rippling, steaming tea. “Crowley and I… we’re not actually married. We’re just friends… I think. Best friends. Partners.” There’s a long silence. It’s been a while since Aziraphale had sat through something so awkward. The last time had been when he’d dragged Crowley to see the film Sausage Party (2016) in theatres, only to find out that it was not, in fact, a deeply moving children’s cartoon about food. “Now, that can’t be true.” Madame Tracy’s voice is quiet. --- or: everything's always been so easy and comfortable between aziraphale and crowley. until aziraphale begins feeling the pressures of human standards and definitions of love... help comes from an unexpected quarter!

- Mod D

[orionsstory]

that kind of devotion | anarcia (7)

yayy chapter seven is here :) as always, don't forget to check it out on ao3 !! and leave a comment if you liked it teehee

---

For the next two weeks, Marcia found herself texting Lotus every waking moment. During breaks, during dinner, any free time she had was spent laughing at her jokes or smiling at a picture she sent. She got to find out she loved ducks (through the several pictures she sent of the ones at the nearby park- Marcia didn't mind though) to her favorite song (Boss Bitch by Doja Cat, a song Marcia had found herself listening to nonstop lately). If she was lucky, Lotus would even call her after her patrol, and the two would talk for hours. They mostly talked about their day and the investigation, but sometimes Marcia would slip in a story about her growing up, or Lotus would tell her a story about Sasha. The two had grown much closer in the past two weeks, getting along like a house on fire.

Even now, she was sitting on the couch texting Lotus. She giggled at a text the other girl had sent before she was drawn out of her thoughts by someone nudging her leg. "I need to sit down too, you know." Luxx rolled her eyes as she sat down, handing Marcia her food. "Put your phone down and eat, you've been glued to that thing lately. It's your one day off and you've ignored me the whole morning!"

Marcia takes the food from her, "I'm sorry! It's just so...exciting! We've pretty much gone from talking a few times a month to every day, it's hard not to be so engrossed."

"Aww, she's down bad." Luxx teased her.

"No, I'm not down bad. I'm a lover."

"Marsh, that's the same thing."

"It's totally not! Well...maybe a little. Whatever..." She flushed in embarrassment, rolling her eyes. Luxx chuckled at her,  "Isn't that sweet, you know I haven't seen you this excited over a girl since that one in college...what was her name again?" Marcia cringed at the memory, she had to admit she may have the tendency to fall for people quite easily, but Lotus wasn't the same.

"That's not the same thing. Lotus is different."

Luxx raised her eyebrow, so she continued, "She shows genuine interest in me. She cares about my theatre stuff and how my day is. She texts me pictures of cute dogs she sees because she knows I'll love them. She's...thoughtful. Also, she didn't forget my name after one date, so she's already leagues ahead of Caitlin."

Luxx laughed, "Oh my god, I forgot about that! What did she call you again? Maria?"

"Miriam. She said she knew it was some old lady's name."

"Oh my god, she was awful. I'm so glad that lasted like, two weeks."

"You and me both. Anyways, what were you thinking of doing?"

"Well, since we're all getting together after your show tomorrow, I figured we could just lie low today. We could go to that coffee shop you like and people-watch."

Marcia was sold. "You know me so well, Luxx."

"Of course I do. We've been friends for like 10 years, it'd be sad if I didn't. Now let's go, I want to get a good spot before it gets busy."

-

They arrived at the small shop, setting their items down on the counter facing the biggest window. Marcia took a seat, taking out her drawing supplies as Luxx went to grab their drinks. It had been a while since they had been able to do this- they used to do it all the time in college, watching the people pass by and wonder about their lives while they worked on essays or assignments. They would wonder about their own lives, and what the future would be like. Marcia likes to think her younger self would be proud of where she is now. It makes her smile.

"One tea with honey for you...and an espresso for me!" Luxx hums as she sits the drinks down, sliding onto the seat beside Marcia. She brings out her own drawing materials, peering out the window.

"I missed this. Feels like it's been forever since we've done this."

"I know, it feels like we barely have time anymore. I guess that's what it means to be an adult."

Luxx nodded, her pencil sketching across the page. "Such is capitalism. Ugh, I'm so antsy to get this collection done. We're almost ready to go into production, so my stress is mostly over."

"Oh, I'm excited to see the collection! You're taking me to see the show, right?"

"Who else is going to be my plus one?" She laughs, taking a sip of her drink. "Oh yeah, that's good. Fuck, I've missed good coffee. The office coffee is so shitty, Marsh. Oh my god, it's horrible."

Marcia smiled, opening her own sketchbook as she began sketching some of the people outside. "For a luxury brand, you would think they could afford a better coffee machine." She laughed, scribbling in a woman's dark coat. "Maybe they'll get you a new one for Christmas."

Luxx rolled her eyes, "Please, don't give me hope. Irene keeps saying she's going to fix it and improve it herself but we've been so swamped she hasn't had time yet." She looked up for her next target before selecting a man with a dog. "Look at that dog- isn't it cute? Ugh, I wish I was better at animals. It looks like a rat."

Marcia leaned over to look at the sketch, rolling her eyes. "It looks great, you're being dramatic. That is a cute dog though, what a baby." She cooed, snapping a picture of it before she sent it to Lotus. "How is the collection going anyway? Weren't you guys almost done like, a month ago?"

"Well, we were going through final revisions, but they decided to scrap some of the looks so we had to come up with some new ones. I'm hoping this will be the final round though. I've got some of the early concepts for designs in here though." She answers, flipping through her sketchbook to show Marcia some of the designs. 

She always admired the other girls' aesthetic, Luxx's usual grungy and dark designs had seemed to translate perfectly to spring fashion. Desaturated colors and skirts with purposeful rips and tears turned a skirt into the shape of a flower, an impressive feat. Marcia had seen Luxx make gorgeous designs that weren't her aesthetic, but these ones were special. She always loved it when Luxx could show her passion through her designs.

"Dark forest...what a theme, right?" She softly chuckles, flipping back to the sketch she was working on. "I like it though. I think it'll be our best collection yet."

Marcia proudly smiles, returning to her own sketch of some scenery. They sketched in comfortable silence for some time, Marcia having stopped sketching the people outside and started sketching Lotus. She didn't mean to, it was just sort of a habit at this point.

"That's really good, is that Lotus?" Luxx asks, leaning over. Marcia nods, her face tinged red. "Is she coming to your performance tomorrow?"

"No, but she's coming for my first night as Elle. I'm really excited, I hope she'll like my performance- I've been working so hard on it. God, I hope it goes well, what if I choke?"

"You won't choke. You were like, born for this. You're gonna kill it."

Marcia smiles at her, "Thanks, Luxx."

-

Luxx volunteered for dinner duty that night, allowing Marcia a moment to herself. To debrief, to prepare herself for tomorrow. She felt the nerves creeping up, like they did for every show she had done. She had to remind herself that it was going to go well, that she was going to do well. She focused on the warm water of the shower that was beginning to turn cold- maybe she had been in there longer than she thought.

She stepped out of the shower, wrapping her hair in a soft pink towel before beginning to dry herself off. It was nice, and for a moment she felt calm as she blow-dried her hair, the muffled music of Ariana Grande playing in the background. 7 rings was interrupted by the ringing of her phone, Marcia clicked off the hair dryer as she answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, doll." Lotus' voice came from the other end. "Are you able to talk?"

Marcia hummed, "For a little bit- Luxx will kill me if I miss dinner." She wrapped her soft pink robe around her as she left the bathroom and entered her bedroom across the hall. "I thought you're usually on patrol around this time of day?"

"I am, but it's always a slow start. Thought I'd talk to you until I get a call."

She softly smiled, "Well, I won't complain about that. How's your day been?"

"Pretty standard. I'm hanging out with my coworker soon, but other than that nothing of note. But enough about me- you're gonna be on Broadway tomorrow! How are you feeling?"

"Nervous. Excited. I can't tell- I think it's both." She chuckled, "I know I'll probably do well, but it's just those pre-show nerves, you know?"

"Nah, I know you're gonna crush it."

"But how do you know? What if I...I don't know, trip and break my arm or something."

"I think you'd still perform, even if you had to be in a cast. Don't worry. Besides, isn't the saying break a leg?"

Marcia softly sighed, a smile creeping onto her face as she rummaged through her dresser for her pajamas. "Yeah, it is...and you're probably right. I'm way too excited about this. I just can't believe it's finally happening!"

She heard a faint buzzing on the other line, vaguely recognizing it as the sound of a call.

"Do you have to go?"

Lotus sighed, "Yeah. I do. I'm sorry. Hey- break a leg tomorrow. You're gonna kill it."

Marcia smiled. "Thanks, I will."

She heard Lotus laugh, she could practically see the other girls smile in her head.

"Atta girl."

-

The next morning was a blur. She remembered waking up to a 'break a leg ;)' text from Lotus and eating breakfast with Luxx, but time seemed to fly by after that. Her usual subway ride seemed to take five minutes, and their rehearsal that morning felt like it had happened in a second.

Now, she was in the dressing room with her castmates, all giddy and excited for the show. She applied the last of her blush and made sure her costume was perfect, waiting in the wings with the rest of the ensemble for the first number to start. Many were excitedly whispering to each other, the air in the theatre felt electric.

"Who's here for you tonight, Marcia?" One of her castmates and friends, Plasma, asked her.

"My friends and one of my cousins- we're going out afterward. What about you?"

"Some of my friends- and my mom, she flew in from Texas to be here. I can't believe it's opening night!" She excitedly shook Marcia's arm, causing her to smile.

"I know. Oh! There's the house lights, we're going!" She excitedly whispered, taking her place in preparation. She felt the anxiety returning to her chest, taking a deep breath as the curtains drew open.

They began their first number, which went as perfectly as it could. Marcia hit all the right steps, all the right notes, and stayed in character the entire time. She felt the anxiety in her chest dissipate after the first number, it turning into a feeling of joy. She felt good going into the second number, which turned into feeling great for the entire first act. During intermission, she and Plasma celebrated their success, which meant excitedly talking about the show while they made costume and makeup adjustments for the second act.

The second act also went spectacularly. She could tell the entire cast was bringing their all, and the audience could too. Every time the audience laughed or cheered her drive became stronger, causing her to perform even better. By the time curtain call came, she was exhausted- but proud. As she bowed with the rest of the ensemble, she could hear Luxx's cheers above the rest. She couldn't see her group because of the house lights, but that was enough to put a smile on her face. 

She's able to get out of her costume and makeup fairly quickly, only delayed by her and Plasma geeking out about the show- releasing the remainder of the energy they had for the night. Eventually, she gathered her things and left, signing some things for a few fans at the stage door before spotting her friends.

"MARSHALL!" Luxx squealed, tightly hugging the other girl. Marcia giggled as her friends swarmed her, excitement filling the air. Jan raved on and on about her vocals and dance moves, her cousin was a fellow theatre nerd and they often spent their childhood watching different musicals (and poorly reenacting them). Robin, although less experienced in the theatre world, complimented her performance and gave her a bouquet- which Amethyst almost crushed as she pulled the group in to take a photo.

Marcia feels elated as the group returns to her apartment, giving her time to change into a sparkly mini-dress. She quickly shot a text to Lotus before coming back out, rejoining the girls who had also changed. They took a quick shot of some tequila they had lying around the house before heading to the nearest gay bar.

-

"My girlfriend said she and her friend are a few minutes away," Robin yelled above the noise, trying to keep Amethyst from getting swallowed up by the crowd. "I'm making them get us drinks- what does everyone want?"

The girls shouted out their various drink orders to Robin, drowned out by the club's music. The lights strobed and Marcia could feel her body vibrating from the bass. She danced with Luxx and Amethyst, letting herself go and focusing on having fun- she deserved it, after all. She felt her legs growing sore, but it didn't bother her. She would regret it in the morning, however it wasn't anything she couldn't deal with.

They only stopped dancing when Robin squealed, throwing herself into the arms of a girl who had just walked up. "That's Aura," Amethyst shouted so they could hear, the other girls nodding along. "Who's that beside her?" Marcia asked, referring to the girl who had appeared beside Aura.

She was wearing a short red dress and a leather jacket, and her long light-colored hair was straight and worn down, with some bobby pins to keep her bangs back. She looked like she had some darker streaks in her hair, but she couldn't be too sure with the blaring club lights. From what Marcia could see, she had a pretty athletic build and a scar over her left eye. She felt like she knew the girl, but she couldn't place her finger on why.

"I guess her friend," Amethyst whispered in her ear, "She's hot, right? Is she glaring at us though?" Marcia turned her attention back to the other woman, Amethyst was right- she did seem to be glaring, but she couldn't even clearly see the girl because of the flashing lights.

"Can't tell."

Aura and Robin finally broke apart, allowing Aura to shift her attention to the other girl.

"Oh! This is one of my friends, Anetra!" The other girl nodded her head in greeting. "She doesn't bite, she just has chronic RBF." Aura laughed, Anetra rolled her eyes and playfully elbowed her. Amethyst introduced herself first before Marcia did- she noticed the girl's eyes widen a bit before returning to normal. That was strange, did she recognize her too?

She was going to talk to her more when Aura pulled her away to go get the group's drinks, putting a pin in her plan. That was fine, she'd just talk to her when she returned. However, Anetra didn't return. Aura came back alone, balancing the drinks in her arms.

"Where'd Anetra go?" Luxx asked, taking her drink from Aura.

"She got a call while we were waiting at the bar- came back and said there was an emergency and dashed out. She seemed stressed about it."

"I hope she's okay..." Marcia worried, "Poor girl just got here."

"I'll check up on her later, she's a tough cookie so I'm sure she'll be fine."

That was the last they talked about it, the rest of the night was a blur as they danced and drank until their feet hurt. Marcia tried to tone it down so she wouldn't feel as miserable tomorrow, which worked to some degree. She and Luxx left around 1 am, both deciding to be somewhat responsible. She quickly changed into her pajamas, almost passing out the instant she hit the bed. She shot off a goodnight text to Lotus, who still hadn't answered her last message, which was odd. She worried something may have happened, but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind- she was just paranoid.

[writing-heiress]

Seraphina D’Amore

Full Name: Seraphina D’Amore

Aliases: Sera, The Morningstars’ Darling, The Hearth Faerie Witch

Gender: Female

Species: Nephilim

Birthday: April 28

Zodiac: Taurus

Status: Alive

PERSONALITY

Seraphina is often seen as a passionate, jovial, and happy-go-lucky young woman who wears her heart on her sleeve. An example of this is when she stood up to Micheal without any fear because of his treatment of Luke, Simeon, and the others when they were still angels.

While she is easily flustered, Seraphina is a lovely person, always kind to others, even Belphagor after everything that happened with him. This often makes others view her as naive and childish sometimes, but this couldn't be further from the truth. She doesn't forgive easily as people say she does and can (and has) hold grudges if people prove that they are irredeemable of second chances. This is shown when although she was glad that she and Belphegor managed to get along at the end of the day, it took her a while to really forgive him for all he's done to her.

There is so much more to Seraphina than meets the eye. At first glance, she seems very shy and rather easy to manipulate, but this is not the case. As a witch and a monster lover, she knows how demons, succubi/incubi, and other monsters tend to act around "humans" when they see a worthy target.

Seraphina is also smarter than she appears to be. She was able to uncover many secrets in one year that not even Lucifer or the brothers could the decades they've been there. Although she is an experienced witch, Seraphina is more of a modern witch and was more than glad that Solomon offered to teach her more of the magical arts as his first-ever witch apprentice.

At the end of the day, Seraphina still cares for the demons, angels, and Solomon, as well as the other demons and creatures that she manages to befriend during her stay.

PREFERENCES

LIKES

The fine arts, cooking/baking, her family, sweets and desserts, her rabbit familiar Mochi, her pet hellcat Kira, anime and manga, chemistry/alchemy, reading, pop music, tea (mainly earl grey), theatre, monsters/mythological creatures, horror fantasy, bubble tea, her friends (especially the Succubitch Squad)

DISLIKES

Solomon's cooking, overly spicy foods, some of the covens in the Human Realm, Belphegor (at first), liars, cheaters, animal abusers, some of her exes, fried scorpion, fancy social events, the morning sun, her maternal aunt & great aunt

BACKGROUND

Seraphina was born in a well-respected witch family in a rural area of Japan. Her mother, Calypso Aikyo was involved in multiple love affairs and marriages with various supernatural creatures.

Because of this, Seraphina and her siblings share their mother's blood but they each have the blood of a different mythical creature within them.

Seraphina's other mother is Jophiel, the archangel patron of beauty and the arts and one of the seraphims. Calypso and Jophiel fell in love due to their shared love for the fine arts. Afraid of Micheal finding out as seraphims aren't supposed to fall in love, she had to leave them. She gave her her feathers as a goodbye gift and left Calypso. Driven by grief, Calypso used the reproduction spell with one of Jophiel's feathers and her DNA to create Seraphina.

While most of her family were alright with Seraphina being half-witch, her aunt and great-aunt were the opposite. They never liked how Calypso kept choosing monster after monster instead of a wizard/sorcerer and how her 'monster children' were their constant reminder of the acts she committed with no shame.

They weren't the only ones who thought this way though. A lot of people, especially the elders and older people, in the community that she lived in would constantly look at her and her siblings with either caution, disgust, or curiosity. There wasn't a day that went by when people whispered between themselves about seeing these seven children.

Things took a turn for the worse when Seraphina was 5. She was finally old enough to get her own magic circle and familiar.

That wa when receive Mochi, an eldritch who turned into a white bunny for the young witch. The elders were angry at Seraphina for having a seemingly weak familiar when she had attracted much stronger ones in their eyes.

The next day, the elders came to her house and tried to take her with them. They wanted to use Seraphina to summon those animals again, thinking that they are signs from the gods. Luckily, her siblings, mother, and Mochi were able to prevent them from taking her.

After about a few minutes of her family preventing Seraphina from leaving the house, Calypso drove them away. Later that night, Calypso booked herself, Seraphina, and her half-siblings a one-way ticket to Italy so that they wouldn't take Seraphina for their selfish reasons, even changing their name to D’Amore. Her great aunt blamed her for Calypso and the others being forced to move, saying that she should've let them take her because their family would probably be even more respected. Now, their family name was 'shattered and ruined' thanks to her.

For the next 19 years, Seraphina lived in Italy with her close family. She was able to increase her magic power over the years, the same goes with her siblings. Seraphina soon got a job as a full-time baker in her city.

TRIVIA

Seraphina's name in Hebrew means "fiery; burning ones" and it comes from the term "seraphim".

Her surname means "child of love” in Italian.

Her personality type would be ISFP.

Seraphina is pansexual, and has been in polyamorous relationships.

Seraphina graduated from a community college, double majoring in both culinary arts and fine arts.

Seraphina is Caribbean-Japanese and is of Haitian Creole descent.

She can speak and understand English, Portuguese, Spanish, Japanese, French, and Italian fluently. She is still learning Celestial and Inferior languages, however.

Thanks to her brother and her heritage as a witch, Seraphina has access to Devildom exclusive anime and manga.

Her symbolic animals are sheep and rabbits.

Her worst subject at RAD is history.

She is officially part of the beast-keeping, art, and cooking clubs in RAD, sometimes when she moves around different if she's free.

Tags: @adrianasunderworld @absolutepokemontrash @abyssthing198 @liviavanrouge @the-weirdos-mind @ice-cweam-sod4 @lovelybuefood @starry-night-rose @queen-of-twisted @yumeko2sevilla @fair-night-starry-tears (if you want to be tagged or not, just ask)

Art belongs to @ObeyMe_Xavier (Twitter) & @chewycatz (Twitter)

[guppygiggles]

Like Real People Do, Part 4! ♡ (Casper x Avery)

☁️ Summary: Casper and Avery's relationship grows. Avery comes over to watch a movie that has an unexpected *scene* for Casper. Shenanigans ensue.

☁️ Warnings: Suggestive, very romantic, STUPID gay, the tickles you've been waiting for™, classic Avery teasing -- ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS

☁️ Author's Note: If you feel like I didn't go off the rails enough here, stay tuned because I swear to god, I'm just getting started~

This is a series now!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 *you are here

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

If you just got here and want to know more about my characters, you can read my comic starting right here!

Avery came to visit me the night after we went to the fair. And the next. And the next. 

Occasionally we'd skip a day or two, if he was working on research late into the night, or if I had after-hours systems testing at my job, but before long we had spent the equivalent of a week together. Then a month. Then two. 

Sometimes I would cook for him, helping him experience all the culinary delights he had denied himself due them being “unnecessary” pleasures. He found most dry food intolerable, but he loved all kinds of soup, fruit, and especially ice cream. I made sure to always have a case of sparkling water on-hand, too, just for him. 

Some nights, he would take me back to his lighthouse and we would spend the evening together there, sipping tea and playing board games on his tiny kitchen table (Avery usually won). We shared affectionate hugs and glances. Sometimes, he would touch my hand across the kitchen table as I pored over how to beat him at cards, making me lose my concentration. He always carried me home before it got too late. 

When we weren't together, we texted; sweet greetings, inside jokes, photos from our lives. We playfully competed against each other for who could make the most bored face while working, or who could take a prettier sunset picture. True to his word, he also texted me when he needed things; strange mechanical parts, books about advanced scientific concepts, refills for his tea cabinet. 

I let him take point and followed his lead, never initiating, allowing him to discover and express his feelings in his own time. He was shy, but he could be playful at times, too – I wasn't sure if he knew it, but his teasing flustered me out of my wits. I was fairly certain he didn't know about… that, but there had been some close calls; a good-natured nudge to the ribs that sent me reeling, or a hug that ended with his fingertips lightly grazing my sides. I recalled one incident at the movie theatre when he whispered a little too close to my ear, necessitating me to hold my breath until he was done speaking. That time, I thought I wouldn't make it. 

It was autumn, my favorite season. I had not grown up around deciduous trees, and I was delighted to watch the foliage in Port Oleander cycle through a rainbow of warm hues. The sun was beginning to set as I stood in my kitchen, gently stirring a pot of homemade miso soup – Avery's favorite – when my phone buzzed. 

What are you doing, dewdrop? 

makin soup for you :3 

Ooh, what kind? 

its a surprise!! 

I'm sure I'll love it. 

Hey, I wanted to ask you something… Do you want me to stay the night tonight? 

“Wow,” I thought. That was a big step for Avery. We'd cuddled a bit before, but not in bed, and we'd never spent the night, either. My heart beat a bit faster. What if I did something embarrassing in my sleep? Would he notice if I wasn't wearing my binder? Would he care? 

I took a bit too long to answer, so he followed with:

If you're not comfortable, I totally understand. 

no!! i would love for you to stay over. my beds not as big as yours but i think it's comfy.

Sounds good! I can't wait to see you, dewdrop. I'm bringing a movie to watch. 

which one!!! 

Hehe… it's a surprise. 

can't wait💙

+++ 

It wasn't long before Avery arrived. As I opened the door, I grinned at the sight of him in his fall outfit. It was the first really cold day of autumn, and he'd worn an alpine sweater, a blue scarf, and jeans instead of his usual slacks. I rushed into his huge embrace, burying my face in his soft chest. He was especially tall and fluffy that day – I estimated he was about six-foot-five (195cm ♡) – which told me he was well-hydrated and full of energy. I inhaled as I nuzzled into his chest -- he smelled like cloves and old books. 

“Hello, dewdrop,” he said fondly, squeezing me close to him and stroking my hair. “It smells wonderful in here." He took a seat on the couch, setting a DVD on the coffee table. 

“It'll be done soon! Are you hungry?”

“Casper, I'm always hungry when you're cooking.” 

I giggled, sampling the soup as I walked over to him. “Is this the movie you brought?”

“Yes, I wasn't sure if you'd seen it, but you said you liked old animated films. This is one of my favorites, so I thought I'd share it with you.”

It was a copy of The Secret of NIMH. It made sense that Avery liked it – understandably, he had a penchant for fringe science and supernatural concepts.

“Oh, I love this movie!” I had a copy of it, too, but it was in storage somewhere. 

I brought two bowls of soup over to the couch. Though I was pleased with how it came out, I wasn't particularly hungry; I was too riled up, thinking about Avery staying the night. I noticed that he'd brought a canvas bag with him. I wondered what his pajamas looked like. I wondered about a lot of other things, too. 

“Ahh, you scamp, this is my favorite! Thank you for making it, it's delicious,” Avery chirped, sipping the clear broth greedily. I never tired of watching him eat; the liquid entering his mouth and then being swept up in the swirling vortex of his head, disappearing in an instant. The hot soup made him steam a bit, little whips of vapor rising from his skin. 

I put the movie in and turned off the light, snuggling into his side. Though his sweater was soft, I wished that I could feel his bare arm instead as he wrapped it around me. His cool fingers rested on my forearm, and I could feel the wind rushing beneath his skin. 

We watched the movie quietly, every now and then making comments on the score and animation of the Don Bluth film.

“Justin reminds me of you,” I said, grinning. 

“Oh, really? Hehe. He is charming, isn't he? He's just like me, for real.” Avery put his hands on his hips and struck a playfully haughty pose, just like in Justin's introduction scene. The temptation to take him down a peg was immense, but somehow, I resisted. 

“Dude, you cannot pull off slang like that at all,” I said, laughing. 

“Got you to giggle though, didn't I?” 

I blushed, but summoned some confidence and fired back anyway. 

“Pfff. Just like Mr. Ages said about Justin, you're a feather-head, too.” 

Avery laughed openly, causing me to get a terrible case of butterflies as he trembled against my body. 

“I can't argue with that,” he said. 

We watched the movie a while longer. The scene with Jenner in the auditorium ended, and the next scene featuring Jeremy started to play. He was tangled up in his string, as usual, and was involved in some banter with the suspicious old shrew, who was admonishing him for sneaking around. She paced back and forth on screen, rigging up Jeremy's string to nearby branches and hoisting him into the air.

Suddenly, I remembered this scene. My body stiffened a bit against Avery, and I felt my ears beginning to flush. Without meaning to, I held my breath. 

The mice kids were calling Jeremy a turkey, and demanding to know where their mother was. One of them jumped on top of Jeremy, clawed fingers scratching his sides as he laughed, crying, “No, stop! You're tickling!” 

Luckily, the scene was over quickly. I exhaled as quietly as possible, but then, Avery paused the movie. My heart dropped. 

“I've noticed something about you,” he said slowly. 

“Y-yes?” I tried to sound normal. I sounded nothing close. 

“Whenever this topic comes up, I observe a kaleidoscope of emotions from you. You flush, stutter, look away, squirm, and hold your breath. I've let it slide many times, but now, I'm curious. This tickling… has an interesting effect on you that it doesn't seem to have on other humans. 

“I know what tickling is, in theory, but it’s a human behavior that doesn't exist in Cirropa. I'm dying to know what about it gets you so… flustered like this? And why you're so desperate to hide it from me.” 

I swallowed hard, suddenly and painfully aware of every contact point between Avery’s body and mine, especially his fingers resting on my arm. How could I explain this without saying it out loud? 

“Ahh, well, um… it's… I just…” I babbled incoherently. My breath came in short gasps as my fingers and toes grew clammy. 

Avery shifted on the couch, turning to face me. In the glow of the TV screen, his eyes were intense, but there was the faintest hint of a smirk playing around his lips. 

“I am a scientist, you know. If you don't tell me, I'm not afraid to test a hypothesis. But let's clear this up first, at least – does it make you uncomfortable in a bad way? Is it painful for you? I have a feeling it's the opposite… very opposite… but I have to be sure.” 

“Ahh, errrr… no…” 

“No, what?”

“No, it… doesn't make me uncomfortable in a bad way, and it isn't painful.”

“Hmmm… what isn't?”

“What?”

“What isn't painful, Casper?” 

“...” 

“Oh, stars. This ruffles you so badly you can't even say the word, can you? Oh, dewdrop… you know I have to try it, now.” 

Alarm bells went off in my head as I felt my blush flood from my ears, to my cheeks, to the rest of my face. I scrambled backwards from Avery, but with such speed I almost couldn't detect it, he was on top of me, one knee on each side of my hips. 

I screamed. 

“No Avery! Nohohoho plehehehehease don't hahahahaha!”

“My god, I haven't even touched you yet! I hear you saying no– do you really want me to stop?” His smirk was huge now, and I could barely stand to look at him. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

I hid my face in my hands, causing Avery to giggle.

“I knew it! Humans are so cute sometimes! Here, sweetheart, I'll give you one last out. If you want me to stop, snap your fingers.” 

A moment of silence passed, my hands still firmly covering my face.

“Hehehe… Alright, then. You quite literally asked for it.”  

With that, I felt Avery's fingertips light on each side of my ribcage. He started softly and deftly flexing them, gently skittering along the sides of my body. 

I'd been tickled plenty of times before, by previous partners and friends. Generally, they were so excited to tickle me, so caught up in a moment of playfulness that they dug their fingers into me… which did usually tickle quite a lot, but it also hurt a bit, too, and made it difficult to enjoy. 

Avery's tickling was entirely different. He was methodical, comprehensive. Playful, but gentle. His fingertips were incredibly soft and dexterous as they prodded and kneaded along my ribcage. Avery worked with delicate scientific instruments, and he tickled like he did, too; it was like nothing I'd ever felt. 

“Ahahahahahaveryyyy!! Hahahahaha!” I cried, squirming beneath his fingers, my unrestrained hands grabbing uselessly at his forearms; he was so strong, it didn't seem to phase him in the slightest. 

“Hehehe, you are so sensitive to this! Oh, this is so cute, Casper! If I had known you liked this sooner, I would have already played with you like this so many times. I wonder where else you're ticklish? If we go by evolutionary theory, it would probably be a vital point, like here,” he teased, his soft fingertips moving from my ribcage to the sides of my neck, his cool fingers gliding merrily along my bare skin. 

I blushed so hard, I was sure my whole body must be red. 

“AAAHAHAhahahaha!” I squealed, reaching my hands up to protect myself. I could feel moisture beginning to bead in the corners of my eyes. Avery's fingertips tickled so much, it was like an eclipse for my mind, blocking out any thoughts and leaving only the delicious torture of sensation. 

Avery stopped, looking down at me with concern. 

“You're starting to cry, are you okay?” He asked, his brow furrowed as he reached out to cup my hot cheek in his soft palm, gently wiping my tear with his thumb. 

“Hehehe… I'm okay, Avery… I cry when I laugh sometimes,” I said, placing my hand reassuringly over his. His cold skin was a relief, as I was already starting to sweat. 

“Hmm… if you do things like cry, and say ‘stop’ out of instinct, how will I know when you're ready for me to really stop?” 

“Aheh, well… time for some vocabulary, I guess. That's called a safeword, but safewords don't always work with this, because sometimes you're laughing so hard you can't get it out. I've found it's better to tap out,” I showed him by tapping my fingers on the couch, “but it's always good to check periodically, too.”

“What other words should I know?”

“Well… there is ‘ler’, which means someone who likes to ‘teekay’ other people, and ‘lee’, someone who likes to be ‘teekayed’.” 

“So… does that mean you're a lee?” 

I chuckled; my turn to smirk. 

“No, I'm the ‘secret third thing’ – a switch. Someone who likes both.” 

“O-Oh.” Avery blushed exquisitely. 

“You wanna give it a try?” 

“It does seem like fun…” 

My heart was pounding. “Why don't we move to the bed, then? You can't really stretch out on this couch like I can. You'll be more comfortable there.”

“Hehe… lead on, dewdrop.” 

[scarlet--wiccan]

What are some things that Wanda canonically likes?

For a long time, Wanda's main personal interest was she wanted to be an actress, and she had a passion for theatre, cinema, and things like opera or ballet. This also informed her aesthetic and fashion sense-- we know that she loves evening gowns, jewelry, long gloves, and on one occasion, her Lamborghini.

Nowadays, her fashion sense is still very girly and feminine, but a little more down to earth. You're usually going to see her in a skirt and high heels. Every now and then, she goes through a phase where she's always wearing headbands or headscarves, but not as a form of cultural dress, which is interesting. She's just a headband girl.

She loves tea, she likes chocolates, and her favorite cookies are ginger snaps. She's a vegetarian, but, paradoxically, her favorite dish is cholent. She's also lactose intolerant, so if I had to guess, I'd say she probably eats a lot of vegan food. Recently, she's stated that she's not a very good cook, but I'm not sure I believe that.

She likes reading. She likes collecting rare and old books. She genuinely loves learning and takes a lot of pride in her vocation as a witch, which is something that involves a lot of study and practice. I know I bring this up a lot, but she's a polyglot, and she clearly really likes learning languages and learning about different cultures.

Wanda really likes birds. I think they're her favorite type of animal, and she used to practice falconry. She seems to really like flowers, which feels like a basic thing to say, but there are a surprising number of panels of her holding flowers. Her favorite is the Wundagore everbloom.

Fun fact-- she's also really into robots.