#the loud eating is painful
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everyone in my school loves to scream as louyd as they can on purpose to hurt me just because they can
#I'm lying if it isn't clear#but god fuck does it feel like this sometimes#my heart is beating so fast and I feel so sick some girl decided to just start screaming as loud as possible for some reason#it was. excited screams but it was so loud it was so so loud and I immediately flinched and grabbed my head and started breathing hard#its so Painful its like someone is scratching me or scaring me withreally frightening stuff#I fucking hate being autistic sometimes man#OKAY TO REBLOG BY THE WAY. if you have felt like this#listen to my gibberish boy#they all turned to look at me too I saw out of the corner of my eye#its so upsetting here they changed the rules so that the only quiet classroom is now the designated eating spot#for 25+ people#its a small classroom#its really really bad and the school isn't fixing it or doing anything about it and every day is hell because#lunch and break are the only times I can recover from class#and now I Don't Have That#I am on the edge of breaking the fuck down I hate this#my brain is WEVIL#<- meant to say evil but wevil is funnier. my brain is WEEVIL you guys. bug
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i hate ocd because it's so illogical that most advice to combat it ends up being useless. when i tell people i'm irrationally stressed or paranoid about something they try and explain why it's either very unlikely to happen or why it doesn't make sense to be worried about said thing. and i appreciate the sentiment but the problem is i already know that. once my brain thinks of something to be scared of it will graphically torture me with it until i get completely burnt out or have an episode <3333
#on a sort of related note how do i function without being destroyed by guilt for eating or sleeping#when i should be writing my thesis#logically i know that i need to eat and sleep to function and i know how bad i feel when i don't do it#but i still have a constant thing in my head screaming at me for doing it so it stops me from sleeping bc it's so loud#and that's another ocd thing like it literally is a voice it's like someone screaming non stop and it's painful#80% of the reason i have a constant headache and migraines. my brain is SO LOUD#like please stop screaming at me i promise i am trying my best#also sucks because it can be hard to speak to people because it's like i can't hear properly#like sorry if i seem distracted girl there is literally someone in my head yelling full volume#another ocd thing bothering me recently which is REALLY DUMB#is i have this thing where i get scared to delete photos of my cats bc my brain tells me something bad will happen to them if i do#so my phone storage is SO FULL and even though i have backed up the photos on a hard drive and therefore can delete them#my brain is like nononono if you delete the picture of them they will die and you won't remember them#and i told my mother and she's like you need medication again#and i'm like yes i know but antidepressants make me evil and insane#compared to silly and insane as is my current statee#help
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No but like. Men could be the lowest of the low, not be knowing the most basic shit, inept at wit or anything else pertaining to the brain or mind or conscious, and yet the audacity be there. Like. How.
#legit listening to my brother tall of how many qualities he has which mainly just includes having a nice face and using his voice#like this is the dude who is in his last year of high school and absolutely refuses to look at a book for more than half an hour a day#you can imagine the amount of basic knowledgeable he would have with that time period dedicated to studies (not even dedicated hes forcedto)#he knows nothing of the most basic thing needed in class#knows nothing of even the language subjects#and yet thinks just because he can talk he can land a job#theres delusional and then theres this piece of shit#like this family is on the verge of struggling financially and this dude decides to use the lakhs of the rupees worth of tution to eat out#with friends and learn NOTHING#like#im legit so. like i wish he would succeed in life by the sheer power of luck and wishes bc god knows hes a degenerate#yet we care enough to not have him roam around like how it looks like he might bc lets be real if not that he'll end up being a worse pain#but seriously tho how does one be SO behind the very fundamental of human experience and still think their gaming skills and music taste#can save them in this world?#this dude is more or less addicted to his phone and literally like im not exaggerating hes so dumb you have one conversation with him and it#becomes glaringly obvious bc hes so delusional about it that he talks with full confidence but you realise hes not really talking hes just#spitting bs that hes heard on youtube 😭#not to drag him or anything but im seriously so sympathetic. how much of an idiot do you have to be?#to think HIGH SCHOOL education is worthless? hIGH SCHOOL. Tgats like. the very bottom of it.#worst part is he refuses to acknowledge he should get better 🗿#so theres no point in helping bc its one steo forward ten steps back with him#and also feels shitty as fuck to be guiding a fucking 18 yo thru SCHOOL#its fucking SCHOOL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
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Just learned the hard way that my misophonia(?) does not like that stupid thing tiktok type people do loudly tapping their nails on a bottle or something they're showing to the camera. I heard it for the first time in ages after quitting using tiktok and felt physically repulsed by it.
#you ever have a not loud or otherwise physically harmful sound that still feels physically painful. yea#ramble post#the reason i say misophonia is bc the only thing i can compare it to is how i feel hearing mouth sounds or the sounds of someome eating#bc its very similarly physically repulsive to me
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Gravity falls has wrecked me emotionally I am not okay
#I DONT REMEMBER IT BEING THIS SAD#The tale of two stans episode broke me I had to take a break from watching to process it#I have so much shit I need to do but I haven't done anything because all I can think about is them#I literally sobbed in public 😭 We were eating in a restaurant and my sister talked about Stan and I started crying#with actual tears and people were looking at me weirdly because I'm loud and was rambling on and on and on about gravity falls while crying#My feet hurt so badly too.. Context: I love to pace around my room esp when I need to think#I needed to walk and think about them because they're so sad and my feet are so sore and my ankle and knee are killing me#My legs are also uneven lengths which makes walking more painful#Shows usually don't upset me and I usually cheer whenever something tragic happens..#Going to go and read more fanfiction to make myself feel better
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#im so fucking tired man#my bday and it went by so fast bc i had 1 chore to do but it was a painful one#been feeling sick all day bc of pain meds and not eating much#AND NOW THERES A FUCKENING LOUD ASS ROCKET GOING OFF AND I HATE IT ITS SO LOUD I WANNA CRY#this shit shakes the whole house and freaks me out#they send off so many rockets always in the middle of the night idk how they havent blasted ppls windows yet (who live closer)#anyway. i rly wanted to play on my xbox today. didnt happen bc i was in too much pain and nauseous and crying and shit#wanted to sit outside w my dog. didnt happen bc it was cold as shit and gloomy.#wanted to clean up my room. did 1 thing for that but again. too much pain (from doing snake tank maintenance)#so like. at least my snake gets a full belly and winter bulb and clean tank (so a clean conscience for me that hes not freezing now)#but that shit knocked me down from bending to clean everything outside and pulling the trash bin and dishes ugh#idk how it feels like theres only 3 hours in a day#i fucking hate how fast winter came this year. my bday is almost always warm and sunny/cloudy (never gloomy)#just ugh. i didnt even eat anything for dinner bc i just feel too sick.#u kno what fuck it im tired and im gonna sleep its too damn cold to try and do anything while i feel like shit#i didnt wanna celebrate my bday last year and now this year i aged like 20 years older than last. and im too fucking tired#vent#personal#delete later / /#ShutPost.exe
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Being in a relationship with an older man means being a woman who's being taken care of 24/7.
Imagine this: a pair of beefy and large arms wrapped tightly around your waist while being in a meeting, walking down the street, shopping, cooking, sleeping (or while being stuffed with his thick and veiny cock inside of your warm and spongy cunt).
A man that will not let you lift a single finger. He will do everything for you and only you.
Payments, rents, shopping bags, anything you want, he will give it to you.
Like the good girl you are, your hair will be all spread over the soft pillow, tears running down your cheeks, lips all bitten and swollen, your skin glistening with sweat, breasts covered with love bites and saliva, your nipples perked sweetly and shining under the moonlight.
Your legs are wide open, big and calloused hands gripping your plushie thighs to keep them open while he was devouring your pussy in the most delicious way possible. His thick tongue lapping and circling your swollen clit, teeth occasionally nibbling your folds. You're a mess, loud moans and whines coming from your mouth, your hands tugging his hair and making him groan, sending waves of pleasure through all your body.
You buck your hips, trying desperately to push him away when he kept eating you out after your third orgasm, making him grip your thighs harder, preventing you from moving.
You wanna stop? No, you don't. But your overstimulated pussy was begging for a break. He was devouring you whole, making you arch your back off the mattress, until a fourth orgasm hit your body, your eyes roll back your skull and your legs started shaking.
Oh... A long and very cozy aftercare follows after that...
Your boyfriend holding you softly against his chest, whispering sweet nothings against your ear while rubbing your back until you fall asleep. Of course, a hardened erection grew in his pants, almost painful.
But, of course, as the sweet and caring younger girlfriend you are, you will give him the best of the mornings.
#jjk#gojo satoru#geto suguru#jjk geto#nanami kento#nanami x reader#jujutsu gojo#jujustsu kaisen x reader#smut#jjk smut#jjk toji#choso kamo#choso smut
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we found another of scrambled eggs' siblings!! boxtop
#he is small and LOUD#and constantly vocal stims with its own name#so we just have an unending chorus of BOXTOP! BOXTOP! BOXTOP!!!!#so far there are Three Of Them#Rumbling Belly is the oldest and largest and abt the size of a saint bernard#Scrambled Eggs is cat sized and eats things it shouldn't#and then Boxtop is abt half the size of Eggs and TWICE AS LOUD MY GOD THIS TINY THING'S LUNGPOWER IS UNMATCHED#they're all lindwyrms and when they get large enough they stop being able to fly#so while Eggs can still glide around and Boxtop gets inside the ceiling constantly#Rumbling Belly cannot fly and is actually really large for his species#large enough that his belly drags along the ground so his belly scales are all worn off#he doesn't move much#unless carted around we have like. one of those lumber carts they have at lowes in headspace to transport large animals#bc one time percy shapeshifted and then suddenly went fully catatonic in headspace and nearly drowned in the innerworld river#so we had to RUSH to find a way to get them out of the water when they're twice the size and weight of the two humans in front#because. we actually have to be afraid of innerworld injuries. bc they end up being permanent for us???#joel still gets phantom spine pain from when HE got stabbed#jimmy still can't walk in headspace#it's confusing
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When u suddenly realise how long of a day you've had and you've reached ur limit three hours ago
#I WOKE UP AT 7 AND I WENT TO A V STRESSFUL MEETING AND THEN HAD CLASS#AND DURING CLASS THE DOCENT SHOWED EMOTIONAL ELEPHANT CLIPS AND I WANTED TO CRY#AND THEN I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL 7 PM BC THERE WAS GONNA BE A MEETING OF NEW DORM MATES#PIZZA ARRIVED AT SEVEN SO I ATE LATE#AND EVERYTHING WAS SO LOUD AND I WAITED TO LONG TO USE MY EARPLUGS#I HAVE TO CRY AND STARE AT A WALL AND SLEEP 😭😭😭😭😭😭#Also i smoked yesterday but my headache came back w a vengeance after the pain killing effects wore off and i didnt sleep great#I felt weirdly slightly overstimulated after smoking???? Like it was fine during the peak but I felt so intense after#On top of that i couldnt find the right neck warmer to sleep#And also IM HUNGRY NOW BUT I ATE AN EXTRA TWO SLICES OF BREAD TO COMPENSATE FOR NOT EATING A LOT OF PIZZA#BUT SKRIIWHAKFJS FKSHDKAHRKDJSN somebody SEDATE MEEEEEEEEEEEE#WHY DO I FEEL A BREEZE ON MY HIP!!!! I AM UNDERNEATH A BLANKET
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got lost looking for the hotel, finally found it, its 3.30pm, check in is from 3pm, my room isn't ready help
#why is everything going wrong today#I'm in more pain now from walking and the heat is getting to me lmao#sorry I'm complaining so much I'm v lonely lmao#also like. ready to shut down i think#really need to force myself to speak when I'm checking in or paying for stuff#like. idk why I'm struggling to actually speak out loud#I'm so hungry and tired gonna get ready find somewhere to eat and go i think#i can't wait to go home lmao
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being in a family of other addicts is weird, i never really thought of it like that but us all being in town together for my graduation has just been like (ENABLES U) (ENABLES U) (ENABLES U)
#i dont even think of us as addicts rly even tho we all are. like. medically and socially. hell i may not know him but my birth father is in#PRISON for addict behavior soooo#anyway i made some mild drug choices and though i was pretty immediately displeased with the sensations and their consequences nothing#overtly bad happened this time so id call it a neutral thing#i just had a couple beers bc i was sad and my grandad had an entire bottle of wine by himself prior to that#and like a couple beers is Fine but i didnt realize my tolerance had tanked and i shouldnt drink out of sadness and i only got. sadder. so.#at least they tasted good mm duvel (LOUD CRYING) anyway good luck babe by chappell roan#and i had some weed w my dad. i forgot how much i hate getting weed from other ppl bc ive never found a Soul who knows weed like i do so#theyll just go 'oh it's for sleep.' 'no like what strain is it' '8#ignore the 8 lol anyway#'idk' 'ok then is it like hybrid or do you not know' 'yeah idk' cool at least my dad knew the mg#i honestly needed to eat like in a bad way ive had so much trouble eating recently even eating out so this was helpful on that front#think this might be my first like properly full stomach in a while#and i definitely did need the nap but i DIDNT need the muscle pain#so to answer my own question to my dad earlier that was a HYBRID with the worst characteristic of sativa in it#cause that shit makes pain far more obvious sometimes and man has my whole body hurt for a few days#anyway speaking of body pain im helping a friend move tomorrow THEN going to bjj skdnsksms#it's fine im fine#anyway yeah long story long im Good and i couldve refused my family's offers yes and i have before and have often while theyve been here!#but i didnt because we all in my family got that same 'ehhh fuck it i deserve this' attitude sometimes#but nothing blew up this time though i still didnt like it so again. reminding myself that even when it goes well i still just Dont Like It#ergo do not do the thing#sobriety update#drugs tw#lessons of the hand and the mouth
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Literally lying in bed like a Victorian child about to perish from the consumption
#woke up at 6am because the birds were being loud as shit outside my window that i’d forgotten to close#this is also why my allergies are going absolutely haywire i think#apparently i’d slept weird on my pillow (or just not slept enough. since i was still awake at like 12:40) because i have a really bad pain#in the back of my neck. the kind of pain that is sickening#normally i’d put voltarol on it but i JUST washed my hair. i don’t want to apply sticky gunk directly to it#so i went hunting through the house for a heat pad#i couldn’t find my wheat bag OR the rechargeable thing i use when i get my period so i had to do a hot water bottle#thankfully i had the wherewithal to take my pills while i waited for the kettle to boil#then i went back to bed with the hot water bottle#i haven’t been able to get back to sleep and my neck still hurts. i think a bit less bad but it definitely still hurts#i feel so wimpy and rubbish#i’m also about to get my period like any second now. ANY second now. it’s two days late#sidenote i keep getting my period really late and like there’s fuckall that happens. i don’t know if it’s my diet? my exercise routine?#my meds?? i just take citalopram and a prescription antihistamine#and i haven’t really changed much about my diet apart from i eat less processed crap now. i eat stuff my ancestors would recognise as food#just literally i’ve become an ingredient person instead of a ‘chuck stuff in the oven and forget about it’ person#and i run thrice a week now. is that enough to make my uterus act weird? 🧐#anyway if you need me i’m going to get up because maybe if i have breakfast and take ibuprofen i will feel better#personal
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I thought I would walk some additional 14 km today and thus burn my accidental lunch (caved into peer pressure and went to a restaurant and had a salad instead of eating my perfectly counted can of tuna) and as such I agreed to go have breakfast with some friends tomorrow to celebrate the end of the excursion.
But I did not walk those 14 km because I wasn't able to get water + I just finished 12 hours of lectures + my arches were killing me + it was raining + I wanted to shower + I wanted to study + I was fucking freezing.
Which means I have to punish myself for my lack of discipline and I also have to make up for the food and that means I CANNOT have that breakfast. In fact I cannot have anything. For 2 days. Just to be sure.
So now I'm trying to figure out what lie I can make up. Currently thinking about saying that I just started to feel really nauseous all of a sudden and as such I unfortunately cannot eat breakfast oopsie. It feels really random and not really believable though.
#god this is so tiring. i wish i wasn't me so i could just live. people don't have to be ideal to earn being tolerated but i do#people don't even have an ideal and there should never be one. but there is one for me and the court of the world expects me to#always fit it. it's a competition and the jury is judging me. I'm constantly trying to win the case. to make the judge rule me innocent#of what I don't know. of everything i suppose.#but it's just exhausting. and I'm not sure if it's more exhausting to just give up and follow whatever the nagging voice says or#if it's more exhausting to fight it. i feel horrible and full of guilt and shame and terror either way so does it really matter?#if i die because my heart gives out or if i die by my own hand?#apparently bulimics have a much higher self-harm percentage but i personally have a tendency to harm my body after i eat#i don't want to do it but i recognise that that's partly exactly why i want to. my emotional torment is probably much more#of a goal than the physical pain. there's a part of me that wants to lead psychological warfare against me#and you know what it's like. it's fine. i accepted that i would die by my own hand a long time ago. I've always said that#i don't know when and that it might be in two decades or a year or a month or a day; but that one day i would go past the breaking#point and kill myself.#i think it's an inevitability of my life and I'm fine with that. someone has to kill themselves. someone has to be that number#in the statistics. there is no reason for it not to be me and if not me it'd be someone else#so it's fine#but yeah it's like...well it's been a run...not sure if a good one...but it's been a run and considering how much i just don't care anymore#i think this time it's really it. and i have a lot of responsibilities so I'm really pissed about it#but listen I'm just exhausted. my every waking thought is plagued by counting and avoiding reflective surfaces and wanting#nothing more than to stare into reflective surfaces for 20 minutes straight and check for every imperfection and irregularity#and check if everything is the same as the day before. i don't know if i should trust my eyes or my emotions or my logic#i don't know which is which. half of my brain power is devoted to making up plausible lies. 'i had a stomach bug earlier'#'im just really nauseous. yea accidentally had lactose earlier.' 'my stomach hurts so i shouldn't eat anything' 'i ate before i came here'#'oh i said i didn't have anything with me? i uhhh i went shopping yesterday evening actually'#i can't focus at all. I'm either too tired or the voice is too loud and too aggressive. i have no idea how I'm going to pass my classes
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@febuwhump Day 7: Suffering in Silence
Warning for Illness, migraine, vomiting, fever, pain, injury, broken bones, overworking, exhaustion
#febuwhump#febuwhump 2024#febuwhump day 7#febuwhump no 7#suffering in silence#tmnt#tmnt 2007#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2007 donnie#tmnt 2007 mikey#pb&j duo#something loud#jimmy eat world#illness cw#migraine cw#vomiting tw#fever cw#pain cw#injury cw#broken bones tw#overworking cw#exhaustion cw#Spotify
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after almost 5 hours in urgent care because of horrible ear pain AND losing at least 80% of my hearing in that ear...
found out there's actually nothing wrong, or at least there is no reason for my ear to be like that so they said I just probably have a flu and sent me home with ibuprofen :-)
#🦝#they told me to come back tomorrow if I lose my hearing again#as I got it back while in urgent care#I heard a loud pop/crack and then a MASSIVE pain spike and I started hearing again#the doctors said that is highly unusual and they can't think of anything that would've caused that :---)#I guess I'll eat the ibuprofen then
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Yeah the meds are wearing off mid-day and I get really warm and fuzzy like I’m stoned or walking around in a dream (it feels great but I basically stop functioning properly at around 1:00 PM which is a problem when most of my executive functioning issues happen past 4:00 PM) so they doubled the dose to see if it would last longer
#actually adhd#I swear to god the efficacy depends on how much I eat with it in the morning#If I eat too much I can barely feel it working; but if I eat too little I get a weird sensory overload thing#Like my teeth are biting into cotton balls and metal wires with electricity coursing through it to the back of my skull#It’s not the worst sensory overload I’ve ever had but it’s definitely Not Fun especially in the back seat of a car (for some reason?)#playing my woodwinds is kind of painful too… they’re too loud for me now#idk if normal people get tired like this or if I’m just irreparably fucked up from the ADHD and brain fog from when I got sick at age ten#ehhhhhhhhhhh#is it working or do I just want it to work#I always feel like I’m walking around in a dream and that hasn’t changed; if anything it’s gotten worse#I wake up for a solid three hours (which is almost too much for me to handle)#and then I’m like “oOoOo groovy Imma just check out now. Peace!”
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