#the lonely souls club

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Lonely Souls Club 8

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as stalking, loneliness, noncon, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Two lost souls cross, but not all those are lost, want to be found.

Characters: Bucky Barnes

Note: told you i had the itch.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Bucky 

He lifts her with one arm. His real arm. She fits it perfectly. He carries her to the bed, feeling her rattle with barely restrained sobs. He lays her down and she yelps, her hand brushing his chest as she reaches to her hip. 

“I’m sorry, I hurt you,” he hovers over her, his heart pumping hotly. 

“No, no,” she groans and writhes in agony, “no, it’s... me. It always... hurts.” 

He frowns. He feels that pain. They may have fixed him but there’s still pain. He can take a punch, even from a train on a track, but he still feels all of it. Most of all, he feels what’s missing. The part of him that isn’t there. 

“Can I get you anything?” He asks. “Do you need to eat? Water?” 

“Please, just leave me,” she begs and hugs a pillow, “please, I don’t want you to see me like this.” 

“Doll,” the word slips from his lips, it tastes like sugar, but he can’t help but choke. He inhales and lets it out slowly, “I can’t leave you alone. It’s my job to help those in need. You need me.” 

She looks at him and it’s like he’s been hit right in the gut. She’s beautiful. Her face is streaked with tears, her hair unkempt, and her eyes gleam with pain, but to him, she’s immaculate. 

“Why?” She asks. “How... how did you find me?” 

He’s struck again. He falters just a little bit. He thinks of telling her the truth. Of telling her everything. He can’t. If he does, she’ll be afraid. He couldn’t take that. He couldn’t handle her looking at him like everyone else does. 

“Sometimes we just find who we’re meant to,” he says and believes it. 

She sniffles and squeezes the pillow tighter. She rests her cheek against the top and stares off at the wall. He knows even talking is too much for her right now. 

He goes to the door and picks up his arm. He looks down at the black and gold vibranium as he pulls shut the inner door, the outer one is broken. He lays his prosthetic on the corner of the bed, out of her way, and pauses to feel the thin mattress. He puts pressure on it and the frame creaks. Not good enough. 

He stands straight and goes into the kitchen. The counter is cleared. He opens the cupboard and sees it all. She calls his name but he ignores her. Why was she so upset? It’s more than just her hip. He pulls out the box of macaroni. Inside, the packet of cheese is divided into three separate baggies, the noodles too. 

He squints and puts it back. He takes out the oats and the rice. It’s all the same. It’s all portioned down but not nearly enough to sate. She’s rationing. He sets the boxes back and grabs the sugar dish. It’s empty. The box of green tea has only three packets left. Tea is an appetite suppressant; she’s gone through it so fast, he can guess why. 

His heart drops. He ate more than this in the 30s. A mayo sandwich was much more appetizing than a quarter packets of quick oats. He looks around and nears the fridge. 

“Bucky, please, don’t,” she calls to him. He stops. There’s a piece of paper under the magnet. 

‘After review, your government allowance has been recalculated...’ 

He swipes the paper from under the magnet and reads it. They took more than a quarter of her usual stipend. How could they do that? He saw her shopping cart, he’s seen how she eats, how she lives. Why would they do this to her? 

He wants to tear it up but he knows that won’t change anything. She continues to groan on the fold out bed, the frame squeaking with her sobs. He peers over at the bathroom door. He doesn’t need to look inside at the grimy shower barely big enough for her. 

None of this is good enough for her. She’s all alone here. And now they’re trying to starve her out. That’s what they do. If you’re not useful, they abandon you. 

Fuck that. 

He marches around the couch and searches around. He grabs an empty tote hanging by the door and goes to the little plastic drawers. He reaches inside and stuffs as much into the bag as he can. She babbles his name. She sits up, watching him. 

“What are you doing?” 

He doesn’t answer. He can’t. He’s so fucking angry, he might scream and he doesn’t want to frighten her. He strides across the basement apartment and into the bathroom. He grabs her toothbrush, her brush, whatever he can. He opens the cabinet and finds the pill bottles. Two tablets. The rest are empty. 

He comes back out and takes his arm off the worn mattress. He snaps it in place and throws a blanket over her. She whimpers as she gapes at him. He hooks the bag over his shoulder and scoops her up, keeping the blanket snug around her. 

“Wait, Bucky, what’s happening?” She whines. 

“You can’t stay here,” he says as he feels around until he finds the top of her cane. He grips it and turns it in his grip, angling it with him as he moves around the couch. 

“No, what—where are you taking me?” 

“You deserve better.” 

“Please, Bucky,” she murmurs, “I...” 

“I don’t judge you, doll,” he goes to the door and works around her to open it, “I judge those bastards.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I lost my god—my arm for those people. I went to war. I went through hell,” he growls as he stomps out, stopping short as he sees the motorcycle parked outside. Shit. She can’t ride that. “But they gave me a new arm, they gave me a new life, but what did they do for you?” 

She gulps and he hears her heart pick up. She’s embarrassed. She shouldn’t be. 

“I told you, I help those who need me,” he takes her down the alleyway. “It’s okay to need people.” 

He comes out to pavement and looks up and down the street. He’ll get a cab. That’s the easiest way. He’d walk but she needs to lay down. She needs a hot bath and a proper bed. She’s suffered enough. 

Reader 

Bucky waves the cane from under you and finally hails a cab. He approaches with you in his arms and you keep your head down. You feel like everyone’s staring. That’s what they do when he’s around. 

He gets you in the back seat and rearranges you with the bag and your cane. There’s a tick in his jaw that worries you. You’ve seen that in men before. You’re distracted from the reminder as your hip pangs again. 

You shakily buckle your seat belt as the driver shifts into gear and joins the slow stream of New York traffic. Bucky sits slightly forward, the seat belt straining on his chest, watching through the windshield impatiently. His fingertips tap together as his lips move noiselessly. 

“Bucky,” you say his name. 

He looks over at you and the tension drains from his jaw, “hey, doll, sorry I... I’m just thinking. You need something?” 

“Where are we going?” You ask again. 

He tilts his head, his brows lowering, “home.” 

“Your place?” You ask as you shift and rub your hip. 

He nods, “yeah, my place.” 

“Oh.” 

“Oh?” He echoes. 

“Why?” 

He looks away and his cheeks tug down, “I saw the letter. The food. You... you can’t live like that.” 

“But--” 

“I told you,” he grits. “No more arguing. You need to relax. If you keep tensing up, you’re only gonna make it worse.” 

He’s right. You sniff and try to ease your muscles. The slow crawl of traffic has you jerking with the driver’s brakes. Bucky warns him to take it easy. 

When at last you reach your destination, he pays and tips the driver. He gets you to the edge of the seat, taking the bag and cane too. You wave him off and grab the cane. He lets you have it and you stand. You stumble and grab onto him with your other hand to get up on the curb. 

Your gait is stunted, more than usual as each step sends a ripple through your hip. You look up at the walk-up and stop at the bottom of the steep stairs. You stare at them, defeated. 

“I’ll get you up,” he says. 

You hang your head, “it’s just gonna be one thing after another. Can’t do this, can’t do that... take me home.” 

He ignores you and wraps his arm around your back. He urges you onward, supporting most of your weight as you climb. You get to the top and he punches in a code on a keypad beneath the door handle. It opens and he angles you inside. 

It’s a nice place. A townhouse. The kind you could never afford. The walls have that vintage brick look and the floors are real hardwood. The front room is plaster painted in sky blue and the trim matches the floors. It’s all so much nicer than your life. You feel even less welcome. 

“Come on, I’ll take you upstairs,” he says as he finishes unlacing his boots. You have only your socks on. 

“Upstairs?” You repeat. 

“Bathtub is up there,” he says. He stands and puts his arms out, “can I?” 

You look away and nod. You can’t do any more stairs. He lifts you carefully and you rest the can over you. He carries you up the stairs and down the hall. You weigh nothing in his arms.

“The room next to this, that’s mine. I’ll change the bedding, put your bag in there.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, I—I don’t sleep in there. I don’t really sleep at all,” he takes you into the bathroom and sits you carefully on the toilet seat. “It’s not too far. If you need anything, say my name.” He stands up and puts his hands on my hips, “you don’t even gotta yell. I can hear through the walls.” 

You look up at him. How could you forget how special he is. He has that serum in him.  

“Okay.” 

He looks over at the tub and chews his lip, “you... you good?” 

“I can manage,” you realise he’s asking if you need help. 

“Well, when you get out, don’t hesitate to call for help.” 

“I’ll be alright.” 

“You know,” he begins abruptly, even before you finish the last syllable, “I don’t think any of what you think I do. You’re not weak. You remind me of the strongest person I know, you might’ve heard of him,” he scoffs, “Steve Rogers. Not Cap, Steven Grant Rogers. Skinny kid I grew up with in Brooklyn. Weighed as much as a piece of hay. He didn’t need the serum. He was strong. Like you.” 

You want to laugh. You put your head down and sigh, “that’s nice--” 

“I’m not lying to you. I wouldn’t lie to you,” he says.  

You feel more tears tingling. You rub your cheek and glance over at the tub. The thought of a bath and is intoxicating. Just a little relief. 

“Thank you, Bucky,” you say, “you really didn’t have to do all this.” 

“I did,” he insists, “someone shoulda done it sooner but the world ain’t what it used to be. Neighbours aren’t your neighbours.” 

“It’s not... It’s my problem--” 

“It’s not a problem,” he says. “I’ll bring in a fresh towel before you hop in.” 

[sparkledbun-random]

Hi!

i have an acc on Instagram called The Lonely Souls Jukebox (@christine_the_creator), where i post daily music recommendations.* If you'd like to check it out I'd be very glad!

*if i have many lonely shy poets, i may publish their work as well!*

[deitripper]

Hiii it's been a while 🗣️🗣️🗣️ serving u a smiley john🧔☝️

need to change my phone bc i feel the camera is slowly turning into crappp 🥹🥹🥹 i'll try to get a scanner soon just to post decent quality illustrations

U can find me on instagram @_deitripper is my username!

[keyofnow]

The Beatles Chronology

If music is at their heart, then their story is the clothes it wears.

Those who fail to appreciate The Beatles — and many who do appreciate them — underestimate the specific progression of events that transpired during their journey, let alone the quickness of it all.

Here are the benchmarks of The Beatles’ career, year-by-year:

YEAR 0

Brian Epstein is The Beatles’ manager as of a few weeks ago.

John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Pete Best.

First studio audition at Decca (on New Year's Day).

Regular gigs at Cavern Club, Casbah, elsewhere in Liverpool.

First BBC radio performances.

First shows in south of England.

Original bassist Stu Sutcliffe dies.

Return to Hamburg, seven-week residency at Star Club.

First EMI studio session.

Pete Best is fired from The Beatles.

Ringo Starr joins The Beatles.

First TV appearances.

John & Cynthia marry.

First single “Love Me Do”; becomes Top 20 hit.

Opening for Little Richard (in Liverpool and Hamburg).

Follow up single recorded.

Last Hamburg residency (through New Year's Eve).

YEAR 1

Second single “Please Please Me”; becomes first chart-topper.

UK tour opening for Helen Shapiro.

Recording debut album in one day.

UK tour opening for Chris Montez and Tommy Roe.

First LP Please Please Me; becomes #1 for 30 weeks.

UK tour opening for Roy Orbison.

Third single “From Me To You”; first undisputed #1.

Paul starts dating Jane Asher.

BBC radio performances: Saturday Club, Easy Beat, and others.

Extensive UK concerts.

Hosting BBC radio series Pop Go The Beatles.

Fourth single “She Loves You”; first to sell million copies in UK.

First UK Tour as headliner.

Band meets The Rolling Stones; John & Paul write song for them.

London Palladium.

Beatlemania.

Sweden Tour.

Royal Variety Show.

Fifth single “I Want to Hold Your Hand”; has a million pre-orders.

Second LP With The Beatles; displaces previous album at #1.

The Beatles Christmas Show (three weeks in London).

YEAR 2

Finishing three-week run of The Beatles Christmas Show.

Three-week Paris residency at Theatre Olympia.

“I Want To Hold Your Hand” hits #1 in US.

First US Visit: Ed Sullivan, Washington Coliseum, Carnegie Hall.

Filming and recording soundtrack for first motion picture.

Sixth single “Can't Buy Me Love” (#1).

John publishes first book In His Own Write.

Hold top five spots on Billboard Hot 100 chart.

First World Tour.

First motion picture A Hard Day's Night; blockbuster.

Third LP A Hard Day's Night (#1).

Seventh single “A Hard Day's Night” (#1).

Frequent BBC radio and TV performances.

UK Tour dates; occasionally The Kinks and The Who open.

First US Tour; first rock tour by chartered jet.

Hollywood Bowl.

Meet Bob Dylan first time, get stoned.

Brian Epstein publishes autobiography A Cellarful Of Noise.

Eight single “I Feel Fine” / “She's A Woman” (#1).

First deliberate feedback on record.

Fourth LP Beatles For Sale (#1).

Another Beatles Christmas Show; Yardbirds (w Clapton) open.

YEAR 3

Finishing three-week run of Another Beatles Christmas Show.

Ringo and Maureen marry.

First full week of studio sessions.

First use of outside studio musicians.

Filming and recording soundtrack for second motion picture.

First direct exposure to Indian music.

Ninth single “Ticket To Ride” (#1).

The Dental Experience.

Paul records “Yesterday”.

Europe Tour; The Yardbirds (w Beck) open.

John publishes second book A Spaniard In The Works.

Tenth single “Help!” / “I'm Down” (#1).

Second motion picture Help!

Fifth LP Help! (#1 on pre-orders alone).

Second US Tour.

Shea Stadium (largest concert attendance in history).

LSD pool party in LA.

Roger McGuinn, David Crosby bring Ravi Shankar records.

Peter Fonda tells “I know what it's like to be dead” anecdote.

Hollywood Bowl.

Awarded MBE's.

One-month recording new album.

George introduces sitar to band.

First use: extreme equalisation; tape speed manipulation.

Eleventh single “Day Tripper” / “We Can Work It Out” (#1).

Sixth LP Rubber Soul (#1); first album with no filler.

Last UK tour; The Moody Blues (w Denny Laine) open.

Turn down offers for third motion picture.

YEAR 4

Three months off.

George and Pattie marry.

John gives “more popular than Jesus” interview.

Friends of The Beatles open Indica Bookstore.

John discovers The Psychedelic Experience by Leary & Alpert.

Two-and-a-half months recording new album.

Starting with “Tomorrow Never Knows”.

First use: backwards tape; tape loops; automatic double-tracking.

First Indian musicians on Beatles session.

Klaus Voormann (artist friend from Hamburg) designs cover.

Last Beatles concert in UK.

Twelfth single “Paperback Writer” / “Rain” (#1 in 12 countries).

Song is subtle plug for Indica Bookstore.

Last World Tour.

Death threats in Japan.

Kidnapped in Philippines, and the First Lady incident.

Last US Tour.

Beatle burnings in Bible Belt of US.

Thirteenth single “Eleanor Rigby” / “Yellow Submarine” (#1).

Ringo's first lead vocal on Beatles single.

Seventh LP Revolver (#1); first album they don't perform live.

Last concert at Candlestick Park, San Francisco.

Three months off.

John films How I Won The War in Spain.

Paul writes film score for The Family Way.

George studies sitar under Ravi Shankar.

Ringo visits John in Spain and holidays.

John meets Yoko Ono at Indica Gallery.

New sessions begin with “Strawberry Fields Forever”.

YEAR 5

Sessions evolve into concept for new album.

Fourteenth single “Strawberry Fields Forever” / “Penny Lane”.

First single in four years to miss #1.

Paul helps organise Monterey Pop Festival.

Eighth LP Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Our World broadcast, recording of “All You Need Is Love”.

Paul publicly admits to taking LSD.

Fifteenth single “All You Need Is Love” (#1).

Meeting the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Brian Epstein dies.

Filming and recording soundtrack for new DIY movie project.

Sixteenth single “Hello Goodbye” / “I Am The Walrus” (#1).

Televised movie Magical Mystery Tour.

YEAR 6

George records original film score for Wonderwall.

Band holds last recording sessions before India trip.

Meditation retreat at Maharishi's camp in Rishikesh, India.

Hanging with Mia Farrow, Brian Wilson, Mike Love, Donovan.

Meditating, writing songs for next album.

Donovan teaches them new picking pattern.

Seventeenth single “Lady Madonna” / “The Inner Light” (#1).

George's first composition on a Beatles single.

Return to London (first Ringo, then Paul, John & George last).

Foundation of Apple Corps.

John and Yoko fall in love.

Band records Esher demos at George's house.

Twenty weeks of sessions for new double album.

Paul and Linda fall in love.

Jane Asher dumps Paul on live TV.

First animated film Yellow Submarine.

Eighteenth single “Hey Jude” / “Revolution”.

Ringo Starr quits The Beatles.

John and Cynthia divorce.

Ringo Starr rejoins The Beatles.

Eric Clapton sits in on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”.

The Beatles’ authorised biography published.

Ninth LP The Beatles, a.k.a. the “White Album” (#1).

John and Yoko busted for cannabis possession.

Hell's Angels crash Apple Christmas Party.

YEAR 7

Thirty days writing, rehearsing, recording and filming new project.

Directed by Michael Lindsey-Hogg, filmed first at Twickenham.

Glyn Johns audio engineer, George Martin musical supervisor.

George Harrison quits The Beatles.

Tenth LP Yellow Submarine (#2, behind The White Album).

Sessions relocate from Twickenham to Apple building.

Apple Studio installed in basement over weekend.

George Harrison rejoins The Beatles.

Billy Preston (unofficially) joins The Beatles.

Apples Studio sessions.

Rooftop performance.

John, George & Ringo hire Allen Klein as band's new manager.

John and Yoko marry (Bed-In For Peace in Amsterdam).

Paul and Linda marry.

George and Pattie busted for cannabis possession.

Nineteenth single “Get Back” / “Don't Let Me Down” (#1).

Twentieth single “The Ballad Of John And Yoko” (#1).

John and Yoko announce The Plastic Ono Band.

Sessions for one more album at Abbey Road.

Mostly leftovers from Get Back and the White Album.

Paul rejects Allen Klein as manager.

Band's last photo shoot together.

The Plastic Ono Band plays Toronto Rock'n'Roll Revival festival.

Band includes Klaus Voormann, Eric Clapton, and Alan White.

John Lennon quits The Beatles.

Apple keeps John's departure a tight secret.

Eleventh LP Abbey Road (#1).

Twenty-first single “Something” / “Come Together” (#1).

YEAR 8

Last Beatles session for new song; John does not attend.

Overdubs onto material for Get Back.

Phil Spector hired to produce soundtrack album for new film.

Paul publicly announces The Beatles’ breakup.

Documentary film Let It Be.

Twelfth LP Let It Be (#1).

Twenty-second single “Let It Be” (#1).

Ringo, Paul, George, and John all release solo records.

Paul sues to dissolve The Beatles.

Ever get that feeling there's something you overlooked....?

🍏

[emily-beatles-blog]

My Beatles album collection!!! I wanna get Anthology 2 and 3 sometime soon.

[relaxedstyles]

[hopelessnicotine]

rubber soul is three cheers for sweet revenge. sgt pepper is black parade. abbey road is danger days. i will not elaborate

[daylily-diary]

I’m so glad The Beatles were on a lot of drugs

[pc-ragdoll]

my cd collection (I do plan on expanding it to diffrent artists like tally hall)

i like cds and i plan on getting more and expanding

the first cds i got were the us boxset

also my copy of the revolver deluxe 2 cd edition has the contrast much higher than it should be for some odd reason

[strwbryfeels]

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Lonely Souls Club 9

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as stalking, loneliness, noncon, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Two lost souls cross, but not all those are lost, want to be found.

Characters: Bucky Barnes

Note: in my feels.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Reader

Bucky leaves a dark blue towel on the bar for you. When the door shuts, you stay as you are. You sit on the lid of the toilet and contemplate the walls. The tub laps with running water, lulling your tired mind and body. 

You sigh. Embarrassment nips at the base of you skull. You close your eyes. You don’t even let your doctors see you like that. When you try to describe your pain, they don’t seem to listen anyway. Yet Bucky, he sees more than you want him too. Things you don’t realise. 

Well, you guess he is a hero. He saved you before and it’s his job to help others in trouble. This feels like more. It feels like too much. You don’t deserve any of this. 

You glance over at your cane, another reminder that you can’t give as much as he can. That you can’t ever pay him back for this. Does he get that? 

You strip off your shirt and fold it. You put it on the counter and roll your bra up your torso. You wear the ones without hooks. You can pull them on and off easy. Then the real taste faces you. 

You use the corner of the granite to push yourself up. You grunt and whimper. You get your socks off and your pants. You have to stop. You’re out of breath. The pain is like a red hot iron in your thigh bone. You manage to get your underwear down and step out of them clumsily. 

You catch yourself against the tub. You need another break before you get yourself in. You splash into the water and barely keep from fall over completely. You let the hot water steam over you and lean back. 

The tub is deep and spacious. You cling to the sides with your hands. You shudder and your eyes tinge hotly. The tears fall before you can stem them. You don’t notice until they dribble off your chin. 

All of it, the pain, the stress, the uncertainty, the prospect of being left without a home, it boils in the water with you. You don’t know how much more you can take. You stifle your sobs with your fist, inhaling deeply to keep them in your throat. You can’t break all the way. 

You moan as you sit forward and shut off the faucet. You lean back and shut your eyes. Right now, you don’t need to think about it all. Not about how to get more money or how your stomach is aching or even how you’ll pay Bucky back. You just need that moment to forget. 

Bucky 

Bucky sits on the bottom stair and listens. He can hear her clearly as he focuses above. He can hear her heartbeat chugging as she struggles to move herself around. She grunts in agony and he flinches. Then the water splashes below her staggered movements. He wants to go up and help but he knows he can’t. He’s already pushing it. She’s stubborn and he knows how self-defeating that can be. 

He closes his eyes as he keeps his ears pricked. She sniffles then heaves. And another sob follows, swallowed up as the water stirs. It’s as if he can feel her despair and pain. He knows those kind of tears. The exhausted ones. The ones when you just want everything to stop. 

She shuts off the faucet with a whimper. He drops his head into his hands and splays his fingers wide. He combs them through his short hair as he blows through his lips. His phone is buzzing. Whoever it is can fuck off. 

She doesn’t move for a long while. Only long enough for the water to cool. She sits up, her skin squeaking against the porcelain and she pulls the stopper. He listens to the water drain. 

More grunting as she lifts herself up. He shifts and tilts his ear up the staircase. There’s a tense silence, dangling as she holds her breath. Her heart is pumping wildly. 

*Crash* 

He’s on his feet in an instant. He races up the stairs and slams into the bathroom door. It’s not locked. He bursts in without a thought. She squeals as he slides to a stop before the bath mat. 

She on her side, the towel is haphazardly across her wet skin, her thighs are exposed but she hides her stomach and chest. She hugs the cotton and wheezes. Her eyes find his in horror. 

“I’m sorry,” she says. 

“Are you okay?” He bends to touch her shoulder. 

“I... just wanted the towel,” she murmurs. “I was okay... I can do it. I... I can’t do it.” 

She’s arguing with herself. He looks around. Her cane is all the way by the counter. He rubs her bare skin and recoils, stopping his touch from straying too far. His eyes are tugging toward her exposed body as it is. 

He reaches to help her adjust the towel, “can I help you?” 

She nods and hides behind her eyelids, covering her face with her hand. He hesitates, trying to figure out the best way to do it. First, she needs to be comfortable. 

“I’m going to get the towel around you,” he explains. She gulps and dips her chin furiously. She’s horrified. 

He gets the towel wrapped around her as best as he can. A zing sparks in his fingers as he touches her thigh. He holds his breath and hooks his hand under her side. 

“Alright, I'll sit you up first,” he continues. 

She makes a noise. She's too mortified to speak. He sits her up and she moans. He leans her against him and wrap his right arm around her back. 

“Okay, I’m going to get you off the floor now. I need you to tell me if it hurts too much,” he instructs. 

“Always hurts...” she mumbles. 

He slides his arm under her knees. He lifts her, first on his knees, then he plants a foot, then the other. He brings her up and he turns to the door. 

“The bed is made,” he assures her. 

She sits in his arms stiffly. He carries her out and down the hall. He puts her on the bed, the towel hanging open at her back. His fingers tickle her bottom as he pulls away. He didn’t mean to. Really. As nice as she feels, he didn’t mean to. As much as he wants to touch all of her. 

“I’ll get you some clothes,” he clears his throat and backs away. 

He goes to the dresser and opens a drawer. He pulls out the grey shirt with military font that reads US Army. With that, he grabs a pair of his plaid boxers. He takes the tautly folded stack to her. She hugs the towel again and stares at the ceiling. 

“I’ll let you get dressed. I’ll check in shortly.” He assures her. 

She sniffles. He understands. He looks down at his vibranium arm. He should take it off for her but he also needs it to help her. 

“Right,” he turns. 

He walks out and shuts the door gently. He goes downstairs reluctantly and grabs his phone from his jacket. Sam called. Several times. And sent a dozen messages. The phone rattles again. He doesn’t have time for that dumbass. 

He answers anyway. 

“What?” 

“So, you were in a hurry,” Sam snorts. 

“Sam.” 

“It’s that girl.” 

“Shut up.” 

“I get it, dude. She’s cute. But I really think she has enough problems--” 

“Leave me alone.” 

He hangs up. Sam is so nosy. He should have never asked him to help out. He shouldn’t have ever let him know about her. She needs to be protected from the world. He doesn’t get that. He can’t understand that. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be different. 

He scrolls through the menu. He taps the icon and waits for the app to open up. How... alright, um... American? That sounds like normal food. He taps the category and scrolls through the options. There’s a chicken place. Chicken and veg, can’t go wrong... 

He picks out a Meal for Two deal and adds it to the cart after the third try. Right, checkout... tip... Too many steps. 

He should get her something in the meantime. He goes to the kitchen and fills a glass of water. He looks around aimlessly, shuffling through the cupboard and fridge. Granola? It will do. 

He goes upstairs. He knocks with his knuckles as the bag of granola rattles. Her heart flips. 

“Yes?” She calls out. 

“I brought you some water.” He replies. 

“Okay,” she says. 

He takes the weak invitation. He enters and finds her under the covers. She sits against the pillows, her arms crossed. 

“Do you need more pillows?” He asks as he puts the glass on the nightstand. 

“I’m fine,” she barely whispers. 

“I brought you a snack. For now. Food is on the way.” 

She doesn’t look at him. She stares at her lap. “You didn’t have to.” 

“Stop. Let me help,” he insists and gently places the bag by her leg. “I have a heating pad.” 

She shrugs, “thank you. It's... a lot.” 

“It’s the right thing to do,” he says. “I can bring you some books or something to do? I have a tablet. Never use it.” 

She shakes her head. 

He shifts on his feet awkwardly. He wish she wasn’t so scared. He wish he could just tell her everything. That he knows exactly what she’s feeling. That they are the same. That he will do anything to make her feel better. To keep her safe. To take care of her. 

“You’ll let me know what you need,” he says. 

“I don’t need anything,” she squeaks. 

“But when you do,” he sighs. 

She nods. 

He stares at her. She’s trembling. She’s in pain. All because she fell. Because he let her fall! He should have been adamant. She needs help or it will all be worse. 

“You know, it’s okay to need help.” 

“I know I need help,” she snips. He’s never heard her speak so sharply. “I know that I’m broken.” 

“I didn’t say that--” 

“I’m broken and I’m a loser. I have nothing to give you, Bucky.” She lifts her head, her eyes hooded with pain. “I can’t pay you back for any of this.” 

“I know.” 

She frowns, “so why are you doing all this?” 

As much as he wants to tell her the truth, to tell her how he feels, that he has nothing else in this world that makes him care. Only her. He knows he can’t. Not yet. She’s not ready. 

“You know, I was alive during The Great Depression. All sorts of people needed help. Including me, my mom, my dad, my sister,” he explains. “They needed help but they also helped others. My ma, she used to make these big pots of stew and when some beggar walked by, she’d hand over her bowl. She thought we didn’t know that her bowl was full of water, but I did. 

“I used to steal canned tomatoes and leave them in the pantry for her to find. She always thought she forgot because she was so hungry...” He shrugs and sniffs. He doesn’t talk about his family. “My dad came and got me from the base when the MPs caught me sneaking around the mess. He almost lost his job but he never told her. And those government issued crushed tomatoes kept going missing at the camp.” 

She looks at him intently. Her face softens and her eyes gleam. She wiggles her nose and lowers her head. 

“You must miss them,” she says. 

“Sometimes,” he admits. “But I keep them close by doing what I know they’d want me to. Like helping those who need it.” 

She doesn’t say anything. He watches her for a moment before he snaps himself out of his trance. He inhales deeply a scratches his neck. 

“I’ll go wait for the food,” he says. 

[fivenightsatcolumbine]

no one loves george harrison like i do bro.

[hippiezhop]

the beatles collection

˙ ✩°˖ 🍓🪲🌈 ⋆｡˚꩜

i just made this collection last week! inspired by the album covers of the beatles ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

loving the new release “now and then” and crying over the video ;;

[keyofnow]

What does it mean, The 12 Beatles Albums of the Zodiac?

Ad hoc, ad loc, and quid pro quo! So little time, hehe! So much to know!

Here again is the list of 12 Beatles Albums of the Zodiac.

And here again is my description of how I arrived at this alignment of Beatles albums with the Greco-Roman zodiac.

Basically, once I realised that the White Album fits Gemini as a double-disc set (a ‘twin’ album, if you will), I laid out the Beatles albums from there in chronological order of release date. That placed Please Please Me on Libra, which is a cardinal sign and therefore is permitted to start the ‘year’ cycle (although I personally don't know of any historical calendar that starts the year in autumn, but we're not splitting hairs here).

I want to emphasise that this is entirely my own invention. To date, I have not seen anything whatsoever that links The Beatles' albums with the Greco-Roman or any other zodiac or calendar or mystical system of twelve. This is my original research, and this post may be regarded as the preliminary notes on the subject. I'll probably organise it better as I reread it and my thoughts develop, but I don't wish to over-organise it either, cuz it's meant to be fun. Anyroad, please do check back periodically for updates.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known...

Hoo-boy, here goes:

Please Please Me is Libra. (This includes the follow-up single ‘From Me To You’.) It's Libra not only because it's first, but also because Libra is John's birth (sun) sign, and since he started the group it's poetic to put the first album in the same starting place as him. Libra is an air sign, and although it's ostensibly a rock performance the album emphasises The Beatles' four distinctive vocal personalities individually and in various combinations. Libra is ruled by Venus, and the lyrical themes centre almost entirely around love and romance: ‘Love Me Do’, ‘P.S. I Love You’, ‘Please Please Me’, ‘Ask Me Why’ (I'll say I love you), ‘Chains’ (of love), ‘Do You Want To Know A Secret’ (I'm in love with you), etc. The sole exception is ‘There's A Place’, a proto-psychedelic paean to introspection that foreshadows the band's full-blown illumination by the time of Sgt. Pepper (their next Venus-ruled album). Finally, harmonica (a reedy wind instrument) features on four songs of this album, more than on any other single Beatles record.

With The Beatles must be Scorpio, not for any particular reason other than being second, so I kinda have to search carefully for correlations on this one. (This includes the singles ‘She Loves You’ and ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’.) Scorpio is ruled by Mars, which implies violence...but, The Beatles often function in the inverse (starting the ‘year’ cycle in fall instead of spring, e.g.), so it's not necessarily an explosion of violence, but its opposite: an explosion of joy. The singles mark the point at which (as the expression goes) their popularity exploded, ushering in the post-war jubilee of Beatlemania. Furthermore, violence did accompany these releases tangentially in the form of the JFK assassination, for which Beatles music acted as a salve to the confusion and sadness of it all. Scorpio is a water sign, and these are the songs that first gained them attention ‘across the pond’ in America. Lastly, Scorpio is a fixed sign, and this is the period that fixed The Beatles’ image and character in people's minds.

A Hard Day's Night is Sagittarius, which I have trouble spelling. Approaching the deepest depths of autumn, when the days dwindle to their shortest, it's definitely getting to be a hard day's night. Sadge is a mutable sign, and this record hints at several shapes of things to come, not least of which that it's the first Beatles album containing all original music. It also contains some early forays into country, folk, and R&B that will recur across the next few records. Sadge is a fire sign, and these songs radiate light and warmth in the growing darkness of autumn. Sadge is ruled by Jupiter, and joviality resonates throughout the album, and especially in the film. Jupiter is the captain, and being a movie star musician is pretty much the peak of the idustry. Jupiter is the standard-bearer, and A Hard Day's Night sets the standard for how a Beatles album could/should be made (as opposed to just another collection of Beatles songs), including an increasing emphasis on original material.

Beatles For Sale is Capricorn (including the single ‘I Feel Fine’ / ‘She's A Woman’), not least because Cap is their producer George Martin's birth (sun) sign, and he really has a hand in all of it up to this point — especially in making sure they have a new album ready for Christmas, despite not having enough new songs written yet. Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, who's associated with time and money, and George Martin oversees both: their studio budget, their work efficiency, the target deadline, the length of individual songs, what musical material is most marketable, etc. After he produces it, they put it up for sale (those cheeky buggers). Cap is a cardinal sign, so on the one hand it's the start of something new, and therein lies the tension between the new originals and the rock'n'roll ‘oldies’ on the record, plus the Len-Mac oldie ‘I'll Follow The Sun’. Cap is the start of winter, so time is frozen in (on account of) the past, and yet still looking forward, and laughing at itself all the while. (See the album cover, they look so cold and tired. And yet the music is delightful.) Lastly, Cap is an earth sign, and the album delivers new earthy, folky qualities intermingling with the straight rock.

Help! is Aquarius (including the non-album b-sides ‘Yes It Is’ and ‘I'm Down’), and it's significant that Aquarius is Yoko's sun sign, given that John later admitted this song was a genuine plea to be saved by her (or someone like her) before he even knew her. Aquarius is the cry for help in the deepest depths of winter, and the stark white background of the cover is the layer of snow. (See their alpine skiing scene during ‘Ticket To Ride’ in the movie.) Aquarius is an air sign again, and here we hear the first outside session musician playing flute (a wind instrument) on ‘You've Got To Hide Your Love Away’. The melancholy ‘Yesterday’ dominates side two of the album, looking forward by hearkening back. I could go on but I shan't. Aquarius is a fixed sign, and this (courtesy of its movie) fixes the new impression of the (very stoned) groovy Beatles '65 persona.

Rubber Soul is Pisces, you bet your tight a$ it is (including the single ‘Day Tripper’ / ‘We Can Work It Out’). For a start, Pisces is George's sun sign, and this is where the guitar textures (his and John's) take on new dimensions — not to mention that George contributes his first truly good songs on this album. Pisces is mutable as winter is thawing, heralding the spring, and Rubber Soul is a harbinger of things (springs) to come, while acknowledging places they remember. Pisces is a water sign, specifically linked to fish, who are known to swim in two opposing directions depending on the season; so does this music ‘swim’ in two directions, encapsulating all of the styles and influences that have affected them before, and signalling the maturity that will guide them into the future. Lastly, Pisces is ruled by Jupiter the standard-bearer, and here The Beatles meet the standard conceived with A Hard Day's Night, by releasing exclusively original material from this album forward, and by crafting (most of) their subsequent albums into a total musical experience.

Revolver is Aries (including the single ‘Paperback Writer’ / ‘Rain’). First, the fact that Aries is ruled by Mars, and the album title sounds like a pistol. (Wordplay — it's also literally a rotating disc of music — but still.) Secondly, spring has sprung, and this is the most colourful music they've produced to date, notwithstanding the ironically monochrome cover, which is nonetheless extremely vibrant and high-contrast and full of life and joy and movement. The old ways are falling off (if any remain by this point) and the future blossoms across every song. Aries is a fire sign, after all, and Revolver is radiates warmth and love and light — ‘Good Day Sunshine’ is the perfect springtime song. Aries is also a cardinal sign, and this album represents a new beginning (not least with the addition of Geoff Emerick as new chief engineer). Lastly, Aries is the Ram (cf. ‘Paul Ramon’ here), and Revolver is a Paul-heavy album, most especially on the abbreviated US edition.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is Taurus (including the singles ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’ / ‘Penny Lane’, ‘All You Need Is Love’, and ‘Hello Goodbye’, as well as Magical Mystery Tour). This is the heart of spring, and Pepper is the most colourful of all their albums, from its lush floral arrangement concert audience collage on the cover, to its multi-tracked technicolour stereo spread musical kaleidoscope within. Taurus is an earth sign, and this is most certainly a heavy rock album through and through. Taurus is a fixed sign, and this album fixes the image of the ‘hippie’ Beatles that would carry over till after their trip to India. Taurus is ruled by Venus, and the album is a testament to love, but not in the same way as Please Please Me, which is more romantic, whereas the love expressed on Pepper is deeper, more spiritual, and more subliminal. Lastly, Taurus is the Bull, and this is the one and only time you'll hear cows mooing on a Beatles record.

The Beatles (a.k.a. ‘The White Album’) is Gemini, including the ‘Hey Jude’ / ‘Revolution’ single. (Remember this was my starting point around which to align the albums and zodiac.) For a kickoff, ‘double album’ screams ‘twinsies’. Gemini is Paul's sun sign, and this album not only has his heavy hand on it, as he micro-manages many of the songs and records several others by himself, but also has a dual-nature, as Paul wrestles with John over what to make of it, what to make it into. Is it another concept album, a son of Sgt. Pepper? Is it a collection of songs? In the end it's both, and neither. Gemini is a mutable sign, and change is definitely in the air as The Beatles move away from the lavish sound of Sgt. Pepper towards something more natural but no less colourful. But it's also a two-headed monster: disc one loosely pursues Paul's vision of a new pop opera, while disc two is his "nerk twin" John's reactionary running order of standalone songs (mostly rock). Neither Paul nor John completely dominates, as they complement each other so well, but the tension between them is becoming palpable, even in the music. Gemini approaches toward the solstice, so it's befitting that the cover depict pure white, like hot summer light. Gemini is an air sign, and the music once again emphasises the distinctive vocal qualities of all four singers in the group. Since Gemini is ruled by Mercury, it's highly communicative of the characters, their feelings, and their values, and for the first time hints at where their paths may eventually lead them individually.

Yellow Submarine is Cancer. ‘But it was recorded before the White Album...!’ Yes, and the stars in Orion's Belt are older than the stars in the Big Dipper, but that doesn't change their positions in the sky. (I don't know if they actually are, but you take my meaning.) Yellow Submarine is older material by this point, but it was released as a soundtrack after the film's unexpected success — a Beatles film that once again features Ringo as the central protagonist, only this time he gets to sing the theme song. So it's fitting that Cancer is Ringo's sun sign, and that the Crab and its shell are (conceptually, at least) not unlike the cartoon Beatles climbing into a yellow submarine to venture on an apple odyssey in search of saving Pepperland. Cancer sits in opposition to Capricorn, and thus (because The Beatles often do the inverse) George Martin plays a prominent role with his psychedelic orchestral arrangements on side two of the album. Cancer is a cardinal sign, and this is the beginning of the next phase of Apple. Lastly, Cancer is ruled by The Moon, and sits next to the sun at its peak (solstice point), so it's cute that ‘yellow submarine’ sounds a bit like ‘yellow sun-moon’.

Abbey Road is Leo (including the single ‘The Ballad Of John & Yoko’ / ‘Old Brown Shoe’). Leo is a fixed sign, and this album fixes our final image of The Beatles as they prepare to exit the stage. Leo is a fire sign, ruled by the Sun, so ‘Here Comes The Sun’ and ‘Sun King’ agree with the paradigm straightaway. The Sun is also central to ancient religions, so it's befitting an album-of-the-sun to have ‘abbey’ in its title. (Abbey Road refers to the street on which EMI Studios — now Abbey Road Studios — is located, which itself owes its name to the nearby Kilburn Priory to-and-from which the road originally led.) If God is Love and Love is Light as John the Evangelist describes It (just as The Beatles are Fun), then how appropriate to close the album speaking words of eternal wisdom: ‘And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.’ Amen.

Finally, Let It Be is Virgo, the virgin. The sad virgin, not only because summer is ending, but also because The Beatles know that The Beatles is ending. Fittingly, Virgo was their manager Brian Epstein's sun sign, and it's precisely his absence that has precipitated the group disintegration. Mr. Epstein, it turns out, was the glue that held together the greatest show on Earth. Again, the songs on this record are slightly older than those on Abbey Road, but it matters not, as the tracks continued to be worked on and refined up until the bitter end. And though the wistful waning of summer palpably permeates this album, the band yet manages to prepare for the coming harvest, and harvest they do, as these tracks include several of their most enduring and timeless classics (and that's really saying something by this point) all together now, includo ‘Across The Universe’, ‘The Long And Winding Road’, the non-album b-side ‘Don't Let Me Down’ (which they play in the film), the working title track ‘Get Back’, and the ultimate title track ‘Let It Be’. Finally, the project was intended to be a return to live performance (but wasn't, except only briefly on their roof), and ‘Let It Be’ (the last Beatles single) abbreviates into LIB...which coudl also stand for LIBRA, and thus lead us full circle back to Please Please Me, when The Beatles actually were a top-notch live performing band.

'Cuz where do we go from the end?

We start it all over again.

In circles.

The farther one travels, the less one knows...

Here we go again.

Good morning, good morning!

🍏