#the listener there is disabled (like they are kind of becoming disabled in the process of the video)

[teddybasmanov]

Accidentally reminded myself that I have a whole huge daydream scenario about specifically Jim's Witcher level seven event. One very sleepy me tomorrow because now I won't be able to stop thinking about it.

[the-orange-solace]

When I was a child, I watched an episode of Criminal Minds where a man had a split personality. A woman who killed other women who threatened the man she formed to protect. I remember her sitting in the dark on a couch, a cigarette in hand beside a lamp, as she spoke to an Agent about why she had to kill them, that it was to protect him. It was her entire purpose for existing.

As a child, I used to pace empty halls in the middle of the night and lay in bed, repeating in my mind that I would be the only being in my body. I will not break into multiple people. I will be in control. I have to be because, at the time, I believed I could break into those monstrous plurals you see on TV. The ones that killed their family after years of neglect, abuse, and wrongdoing. The ones you should be afraid of ever becoming, no matter who you are or your situation.

So I became terrified.

And yet, nearly every night, I'd look up at the sky or the ceiling and beg for something to change—to not be alone. I was stuck pretending I was a different character, a type of escapism that sometimes got out of hand, lost in an identity that wasn't my own. Looking up and imagining being taken away, every character I adored was by my side, caring for me in return. I had to keep going, be them, and exist in a world with them.

I'd made up stories, different realities, and places in my mind to escape to, as well as explanations for things my underdeveloped brain couldn't comprehend in the place I found myself within. I clung to concepts, characters, and situations that reflected my own, and soon, I no longer felt alone—not with all the escapism I conjured up, not with the different identities to help me face what was happening.

But I was in control. I was one being. No matter what. I had to be a single being because that was good. I had to be good.

I would never hurt anyone, and being many meant being bad. I couldn't be bad.

When I was a teenager, I started researching and getting involved in minority and disabled spaces. I loved being informed, the stories, the many perspectives, and the complexity of humanity. So it was no surprise when I shared a plural headcanon with a friend, and they felt safe coming out to me. They were many. They took my hand and guided me through a community I was fascinated with and wanted to aid and represent like so many others.

I spent years learning, staying silent as others spoke, just listening to everything I could. But then, one day, like so many others, I spoke through a different facet, a different identity I had created as a child. The many faces of me represented things I could not be, I could not hold, nor could I handle. I was struggling; some of me wanted to lash out. So she did. She lashed out.

As always, I was faced with kindness, listening ears, and aid that then pushed me more to the surface from drowning. But I never left; just another part of me was lost, right? Of course. People are complex. I deal with my emotions in a complex way. Of course.

My plurally disabled friend watched as I became more comfortable speaking through the identities I had, whether they were facets of myself or characters that helped me. Soon enough, the continuous "role-play" and "emotional processing" developed into normal conversation, a comfort, a relief.

They kindly approached me and asked if I was a system, too. They had never met anyone who spoke to themselves like I do, definitely not any singlets. None of our other friends did, in person or not, not even people in our families. It was just us.

The fear from my childhood arose. I couldn't be multiple; I couldn't be more than one. It was bad. But hadn't I learned about Plurality? All its ups and downs? Its complexities and nuances? I accepted it wholeheartedly; I learned and evolved from the demonized perception I was given as a child. So, why was it still bad?

Because I must be lying; I must be a fake, a poser. It was the only reason, wasn't it? I had seen so many conversations and arguments about fakes, those who wished to be special. Had I somehow become the harm they spoke of? How could I do this to a community I swore to listen to and fight for?

I obsessed over it, forcing the panic, dissociation, habit, and ease of speaking in multiple identities and beings of myself away. I buried it as deep as I could for the betterment of everyone else. The community didn't deserve such harm, and I wouldn't bring it to their doorstep if I claimed it to be something I'm not.

The loathing became so present it formed into tics that caused aches and disruptions in my life. Multiple stressors--along with an identity crisis--will do that to someone. So my shoulder and neck muscles ached from shrugging, flexing, and all the repetitive movements I couldn't stop without crying from the suppression. So I didn't. I let it disrupt and hurt.

Then, one day, someone, some random, unknown system to me out in the world, spoke about how it didn't matter what was real or not; it didn't hurt anyone. Plurality and the belief of it didn't hurt anyone. It hurt no one to discover themselves, to test the waters, to simply pry into yourself and learn. There was no shame in figuring yourself, or yourselves, out. There was no right or wrong, nothing to be ashamed of or fearful of. Just another part of living.

So I did. I poked and prodded. I gave my parts names, spoke to them in the middle of the night, asked questions, got to know them, and learned we couldn't talk through words at first but could emotions and sensations. I realized I couldn't find where my Plurality started or where it ended, that we—oh god, we—the idea was so surreal but...comforting—were so combined, living without specific individuality outside of me that there was no separation in sight. Not that I could figure out. For so long, I believed everything was just me. Only me.

But now it was someone else, too. These things that made no sense, these things that felt out of place or special, unique, and ever-changing could be someone else.

Someone else.

The more I reflected, learned, applied, and prodded, the more things made sense. Until one day, I looked at my friends, held my breath, and spoke. Stated that it like it was a sin for me of all people to say.

I was plural.

No one blinked an eye. No one questioned it outside of boundaries and clarification. It wasn't surprising that their childhood friend was many. How surprising could it be when they used so many different names for different parts of themselves to express hard things?

It was astonishing.

And here we are, years and years later, grown and still learning, living, fighting, but more in touch with ourselves than ever before with so many more sys friends and aquatints. More experiences, a better understanding.

It's not shameful to learn, apply, and reflect. You take nothing from anyone but your time and open-minded exploration of the world and yourself(ves). There is no evil in being human, living life, phase or not. There is nothing wrong with you, any of you, for existing or living. You just are. I embrace you, I embrace us, and I embrace everything that comes with a life of many.

So, if you're struggling, just know you're not alone outside the body. We know, and so do many others. It's going to be okay; you'll find yourself in time. Don't rush it. There will always be time.

[drdemonprince]

What if your unmasked self is unacceptable even to other autistics? I feel like if I don't carefully curate myself I'm too weird and annoying to sustain friendships even with other weirdos. This thing where unmasking makes people like you more because it's more ~authentic~ just hasn't been true for me and it makes me really sad.

Well, what does "weird" and "annoying" mean in this case? In unmaskers I frequently see a lot of understandable social trauma playing out in, let's just say, not the most socially effective of ways at times. No longer mindreading and people pleasing and fawning is all to the good; becoming completely unfiltered while still harboring a ton of deep-seated fear of abandonment and then spilling it out all over people will understandably drive them away. No longer faking emotions and tone of voice preserves energy and helps us feel more genuine, but never putting any energy into trying to understand a friend's interests or emotions will kill a friendship.

There is a messy counterbalancing that has to occur for many unmaskers; at first we focus on never doing anything false and allowing our unbridled selves to roam free -- and then we often recognize that we will need certain self-advocacy, listening, communication, and even diplomacy skills to actually relate to other people, even while remaining true to who we are.

It's normal for the unmasking process to initially seem like it's making you harder to love, more annoying, more bizzaree -- that's a necessary corrective to having previously aimed to make yourself unremarkable or widely liked.

But if you find yourself repeatedly socially alienating even out and proud neurodivergent people, it may be worth asking whether you are taking actions that are pushing them away. Things like interrupting people when they are trying to open up to you, invalidating their feelings, seeking reassurances that no other person can provide, not interacting, self-victimizing, just generally hurtful interpersonal stuff that us traumatized folks sometimes do even in community with one another. If this is the case, you will have to work on accepting the feedback when people are kind enough to tell you that you're bothering them or disrespecting them -- it is not the end of the world, it is a habit you can notice and correct.

Or you might just still be withdrawing and inhibiting very hard, and doing self-protective things that convey to others that they should give you a wide berth. Lots of unmaskers give off really strong "dont talk to me dont come up to me i feel socially unsafe right now" vibes that are completely honest and authentic to where they are at the moment, even if they wish they could seem more welcoming. Please give yourself some grace to feel all that if that's what it is.

No one is too weird or too annoying to make friends. But you might need to find the people who are weird enough and mad enough and disabled enough for you. Alternatively, you might have some interpersonal baggage that affects how you treat others you still need to work on. Or your internalized disability stigma might just be telling you that youre being too much when youre barely taking up social space at all.

You know your pattern of experiences and the feedback others have given you, so hopefully you can sort out what is currently missing in your social life based on that and some reflection and more testing. Good luck and let me know what you figure out.

[vergess]

A work friend of mine's daughter has recently developed (?) schizophrenia. He seems to like my advice in general, and in particular thinks I gave him helpful advice about handling traumatic experiences he's had, and so talks to me about this a lot. I've tried to give advice along the lines of prioritizing her comfort/well-being/calmness over her "connection to reality" (his words), like not picking arguments over things she says in pursuit of correcting her, similar to taking care of someone with dementia.

Do you have any points I can focus on or resources I can look up to support him and by extension his daughter better? I'm not very familiar with the subject but do know that in looking this up I'm wading through a lot of stuff that's not very supported or with the schizophrenic person's well being and agency in mind.

You're exactly right about the comparison to dementia. Although not nearly as severe an illness, schizophrenia is one of those "redirect not reinforce" conditions.

So, one of the big things you can suggest, especially while the person is in the early period of onset (which can happen over the course of a year at any age, but usually between 20 and 30), is try to help them make plans for the future. Which sounds big and scary, but it mostly consists of honestly going through with them to make lists of the things they enjoy, the things that stress them out, etc. Because there is going to come a time, and it's sooner than anyone wants, where remembering what she finds relaxing will become impossible on her own (at least, during periods of high stress; she may always be able to self regulate in normal conditions).

Schizophrenia often makes people feel deeply afraid and out of control of their own thoughts, which is really scary!!

But your friend's daughter is likely still able to remember what things she enjoyed before the onset of her illness. Whenever she gets too wound up in a fearful delusion, rather than trying to combat the delusion, I suggest redirecting her to one of the things she enjoys, whatever that may be. A hobby, a movie, etc.

It's important that the idea for the redirection initially come from the schizophrenic person themself. This way, you can honestly say, "hey, remember when you said you like X, why don't we try some X together," and it be something reaffirming to the person's sense of control rather than fighting it.

Of course, if the delusion isn't fearful/scary/stressful, the best thing to do is to accept that it is her genuine reality right now, and just work around that belief. No need to start a fight and make it stressful.

Another thing is, and this is MUCH more controversial in the west but I'll go ahead and say it. Another thing is, if the daughter's voices are friendly or kind, to support her engaging with them (if she so chooses). This way if/when her voices become mean she can choose to "disengage" with them as a conscious change. In practical terms, this means if his daughter is ever having conversations with her voices that seem to be in good spirits, to treat that more like she is talking on the phone with someone you don't know, than to treat it as a scary hallucination.

Then, if the voices ever get mean, she can "give them the silent treatment" to help establish a sense of control over them and help her feel like she doesn't have to listen to them.

In a way, it can be good to conceptualize her voices as "influential strangers" and just encourage her to listen to good influences and ignore bad ones.

Finally, depending on where the daughter lives and her support needs, it might be good to get her registered with the healthcare service in your area sooner than later. In the US, a young person with schizophrenia automatically qualifies for medicaid and can also qualify for disability. Both will need to be applied for, and the application process is a byzantine mess.

Especially regarding disability, it is best to hire a lawyer to make your application (they will be paid out of your benefits not your pocket).

As such, if your coworker's daughter is unlikely to be able to live entirely on her own, including job, hygiene, travel, etc it's a good idea to get there registrations started ASAP. That way if the coworker ever becomes sick or when he eventually dies, etc the daughter can be supported.

If the daughter has low support needs and is likely to be able to live on her own (which can and does happen sometimes!! Even with schizophrenia), one of the biggest challenges she's going to face in the long term is going to the doctor.

Not only are doctors deeply, deeply scary to the mentally ill in the west (for good reason!), which makes doctors a prime target for delusions of fear and abuse. But also delusional thinking can interfere with a person's ability to identify their own body sensations.

EG, it is very common for schizophrenics to "be really angry and not know why" and it turns out it's because they have a UTI but couldn't feel it due to delusions. In fact, it's so common that one of the first things we do at work when a client is very upset like that, is ask them if they have been peeing more often (the answer is usually 'yes').

A huge part of the reason people with schizophrenia die young is the inability to tell when they are sick, followed by feeling unsafe going to the doctor.

Ultimately, the biggest thing to remember is that no matter how stressed or scared you are as a carer, the person with the illness is just as of more stressed. They aren't fighting you, they're fighting terror. Remembering that can make the intense demands of caring for someone with higher support needs less draining.

The second biggest thing is to remember to take time for yourself, because if you burn out as a carer, then you've left your kid without support for potentially months or years, and that's pretty bad compared to having them go to a fun adult program like a summer camp every day for a month while you recover.

Finally: there are more programs for schizophrenia support than you think. Even in my rural bumfuck town of 3000, we have two (2) different programs, including a year round day program that operates 5 days a week and takes walk ins.

Your coworker does not have to take care of his daughter alone. Support exists.

[thenightpost]

Pairing Audio and Print Fiction: Moonbase Theta, Out and Everyone on the Moon Is Essential Personnel

Why you should listen to MTO:

This podcast by @monkeymanproductions is beautiful, grounded sci-fi that builds its world of struggle and hope through the hearts of its lifelike characters. The first season consists of micro-fiction episodes in the form of progress reports from a moon base in the process of being decommissioned. From the second season onward, the cast of one expands to a whole group of moon-based professionals, by necessity a kind of family that accepts their differences and their shared hardships. As I listened, I came to feel a part of that group too, and to care for these characters despite their shortcomings, as one does for real people.

Why you should read EotMIEP:

This short story collection by Julian K. Jarboe provides striking variety in its subjects while always cleaving close to its themes of queer/trans identity and resilience. Its title story/novella depicts a moon colonization industry that is obviously exploitative, but still offers hope to those laborers who have exhausted their opportunities on earth (particularly queer, disabled, and indigenous workers). My favorite story in the collection, "I Am a Beautiful Bug!", follows a person caught in a bureaucratic nightmare after receiving surgery to become a Kafkaesque giant insect. I reveled in the eventual triumph of this self-made bug-person, as well as in the trans joy of robots, troubled teens, and the other characters who populate these stories.

Why you should try both!

MTO and Jarboe's title novella share a vision of the moon as a place of hope to strive for, a hope frustratingly limited by self-serving capitalist interests. Despite coming up against systemic forces they can do little to combat, the heroes of both works find comfort and agency in community. There's a kind of queer revolutionary bent that runs through both of these texts, which does not proscribe what a better future must look like, but imagines possible paths toward it. These stories have inspired my own work in how they center the complexity and transcending power of human connection in overwhelming circumstances, and how our present shapes our dreams of the future.

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

Hiiii I'm new here and I was curious if you could maybe do headcannons for the Papa's with a plus size reader? I lovvvvvve ur blog it's such a comfort and I'm really sorry in advance if this request is crossing a boundary, again no matter what, thanks!!!

No boundary crossed, we're all good!! I'm so glad that my blog can provide such a comfort for others and I really appreciate the kind words <3 headcanons coming up!! There's no spicy content but there is v brief suggestive content if you squint so MINORS DNI!!

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐨

Primo adores every single inch of you

He may be old, but he's not afraid to show you how much he loves you just the way you are

Worships the ground beneath you tbh

If you're insecure about your body or your weight, Primo will listen to everything you have to say and process it before speaking up

He doesn't want to come across as accidentally dismissing your insecurities by being like "what are you talking about you look fine"

He always makes sure to compliment you on things about your appearance that you've chosen or changed yourself

Your clothes, your hair, if you have a disability aid he compliments the way you've customised it (e.g. with stickers)

But that doesn't mean he doesn't compliment your body or your looks. He just knows that it can really boost one's confidence to compliment and appreciate the things about themselves they've chosen rather than the things they didn't get a say in

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨

You think he'd ever judge you for not being skinny? Laughable

He's definitely a guy who prefers a partner who is more curvy or with a body that you'd expect to see in the Renaissance style paintings hanging up around the abbey

Secondo makes damn sure you never doubt that he is infatuated with you, both body and soul

Fingers that trail over your every curve, kisses that leave you breathless

He has a personal tailor on call to make clothes for you that flatter and show off your figure to help boost your confidence

The thought of you hiding your body because you're not skinny and self-conscious about it makes him feel rather sad, so he wants to do whatever he can to boost your confidence and reassure you that you are still a beautiful/handsome person no matter what your body looks like

Admittedly, when you first got together he would be like "I don't get why you're so self conscious about how you look" but after listening to you and letting you talk about your feelings he understands better and does what he can to support you

If he ever thinks you're not eating enough because of being self-conscious, he will gently encourage you to eat and will even share the food that's on your plate between the two of you to try and make it feel less daunting

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐳𝐨

Your biggest hype man tbh

Constantly complimenting you, but you can tell he truly means it and is being sincere with how emphatic his words are

Terzo will spend however long it takes with you in front of a mirror showing you every part of you that he adores and cherishes so that you believe that he truly doesn't care about your weight or about any of the skinnier siblings of sin at the Ministry

He has eyes only for you

Like Secondo, he will make use of his personal tailor to craft outfits for you that both flatter and show off your figure

If you're someone who wears makeup, he will also personally hire a makeup artist for you for very special occasions so that you feel even more beautiful/handsome

He likes to joke that being with someone that's not skinny means there's more of you to love and worship

However, when you're in the bedroom it certainly doesn't become a joke anymore and he shows you just how much he wishes to worship you

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐚

If you're ever upset or insecure over your appearance, Copia will also be upset

He's very empathetic and so if you're sad he's sad

He adores your body and every single thing about you and won't allow for you or anyone else to even dare think that you're not beautiful or handsome because of not being skinny

He'd honestly get Cumulus to talk to you about any insecurities you might have because she's also plus size and she gets it even as a ghoul

Copia will sometimes write little love letters or poems talking at great length about your beauty, your body, the things he loves about you more than anything else in the world

Has been caught looking at your butt more than once

Loves to rest his hands on your hips and his chin on your shoulder as you both gaze out of the window

He doesn't use a tailor for you. Why? Because he makes his own costumes and as such he knows a lot about making and tailoring custom clothes for others. He hand crafts special outfits for you to enhance the beauty you already have and show you off because you deserve the best damn it and he's going to give it to you personally

[bravevulnerability]

Hi! Huge fan of your writing. I come back to fics repeatedly when I need a pick-me-up or the urge to re-read a certain one. Believing Is Seeing is one of my top faves..I was wondering if you'd consider ever doing a fic in which Kate is the disabled one with a service dog. After getting injured on the job (not relating to her mom's case cause that'd be awful) she's depressed and the dog helps heal her spirit & give life back. Maybe AU meeting or he runs into them after he left for some reason.

A/N: I’m not quite sure if this is what you’re hoping for, anon. But I really hope you’re able to enjoy it. :)

-

It’s his scent that hits her first. 

Kate’s fingers stutter over the page of the book she’s trying to read. Granted, she tells herself, there are probably tons of men scattered throughout this city with the same cologne, the same aftershave, but… there’s something mixed in with the scent that has always been only him. 

Dovah rustles at her feet, squirming from beneath the cafe table to investigate the approaching figure. But her dog’s lack of growl, lack of tension, and the soft touch of the coffee cup to the table in front of her only confirms it.

“Grande skim latte, two pumps of sugar-free vanilla still your order?”

After three months of not hearing it, his voice is like a tidal wave to her senses. Deep, rich, devastating.

She clears her throat, closes the book she’s been attempting to get through for the last week. Her braille has improved magnificently in the past few months, but reading for the sake of pleasure has yet to become pleasurable again. 

Dovah whimpers, an affectionate sound of greeting she typically reserves only for Kate. 

And one other person.

“Dovah,” Castle says warmly. She catches the dip in his voice, the likely lowering to his haunches to greet the dog, and feels Dovah rush forward into Rick’s waiting arms. With anyone else, her dog would be skittish, skeptical, ready to snap at the smallest hint of danger or discomfort aimed at Kate. But she’d never turn on Rick. 

He’s the one who got her the damn dog in the first place.

“Castle,” she murmurs, gingerly reaching forward to skim her fingertips along the travel cup he’s placed on the table. 

Her hearing is better than before, far more honed since the loss of what she once considered her most vital sense. She catches the shallow intake of his breath with ease, listens to the thick swallow that trembles down his throat. 

“Kate.” He rises slowly, releasing the air held hostage in his lungs. “You look good.”

She remembers his face, never forgot it. She remembers the defined angles of his jaw, his cheeks and the apples that formed in them when he smiled, the harsh slope of his nose, and those ocean eyes. God, she hates how much she misses looking at him, wishes she did more of it when she had the chance. He was beautiful.

“Wish I could say the same.”

He chokes on a startled noise, a horrified hint of laughter that has her lips cracking a smile that’s been non-existent since… since she made him leave. 

The smile falls clean off her face. 

“How long have you been in here?”

She wonders if he’s doing that ‘boy caught in the act’ kind of shrug she was once quite fond of. 

“Maybe ten minutes,” he estimates, but it sounds like a lie. “Can I sit with you?”

She refrains from biting her lip, knowing it’ll give her away. Instead, her fingers curl around the travel cup’s sleeve, guiding it to her lips.

“Just until I finish my coffee.”

-

Dovah drapes herself across their feet, her body pressed against Rick’s shin, her head on Kate’s boots. It’s a habit she remembers forming back when he first brought the dog home. Well, to Kate’s home. 

“How is Alexis? She messaged me about the application process for Stanford a few weeks ago,” she reveals softly, knowing he’s rooting for Alexis to choose a New York - or at least an East Coast - school for college. 

“Ah, yeah, she let me know she was going to reach out to you,” he murmurs. She can hear his knuckles cracking lightly, the slight inhale of his breath. “I told her that I hoped she had better luck than me.”

Her lips purse. 

“But otherwise, she’s great. How’s your summer been, Kate?” The bitterness is quiet, but threaded like poison through his words, stinging her.

Miserable, she wants to blurt, but takes a long sip of her coffee instead. 

“I’ve just been getting accustomed to my new job,” she admits, brushing her thumb back and forth along the sleeve of her cup. “Can’t live off savings forever.”

“How’s transcription work going in the courts?” he asks her, his voice lowering to a perfect tenor. 

Her hearing has felt enhanced since she’s lost what was initially her main sense of identification, and he always knew it sometimes felt too loud in the world now. 

“I saw the guys recently,” he adds by way of explanation.

Kate releases a shaky breath, traces the plastic rim of her coffee cup. “I hate it.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, the apology so earnest, overlapping his irritation. It has her chest aching. 

After the accident, Castle stepped up for her, became her source of comfort, her listening ear, her… everything. More than he was before somehow. 

She hasn’t been able to open up to anyone else, not like she did with him. Not even her therapist. 

“I told you, you could’ve been a trophy wife.”

She laughs despite herself. “Yeah, I’m sure that would have worked out great.”

“What about editing? You could be my editor!”

Her eyes roll. “Castle.”

“C���mon, you’re a total grammar snob. I could have it printed in braille. We still have that special printer at the house!” he recalls, the excitement building slow but true in his voice. “All you’d have to do is go over it for me and tell me where all the wrong commas and run-on sentences are.”

Reluctantly, Kate removes her hand from her coffee, reaches across the table space between them until her fingers knock against his. With a shallow breath, she hooks her pinky around his, squeezes gently.

“Thank you, but I don’t think the literary world is for me.” She sighs and begins to let go, but he gingerly flips his hand under hers, encompasses her fingers in his palm. “Don’t worry about me, Castle.”

He scoffs at her. 

“Kate, that’s not something I can just turn off.”

She swallows hard and pulls her hand back. 

“It was really good to… sit with you again,” she finishes lamely, clicking her tongue once and feeling Dovah rise to attention beneath the table. 

“Kate.”

She ignores him, fixing the leash around her wrist and rising from the chair. 

“Please tell Alexis and Martha hi for me,” she adds softly, brushing her knuckles to his shoulder. “Dovah, home.” 

Dovah leads her to the door, out into the growing chill of the city. The coffee shop she frequents is only a couple of blocks from her apartment, a safe place where she can pretend to be normal for a little while, and an easy venture for Dovah to guide her through.

It only takes her a few minutes of walking down the sidewalk to huff in irritation. 

“If you think I can’t feel you right there-”

“It’s so creepy how you do that,” Castle curses, but then his hand is curling delicately along her inner arm. It’s a warm, familiar touch that penetrates the layers of her clothing. A touch that has her chest tightening. “Just listen to me, then I’ll leave. I haven’t seen you in three months, you owe me this.”

Kate exhales through her nose. “Fine.”

“You know I love you-“

“Castle,” she breathes, her heart constricting inside her sternum, arteries tangling into knots.

“And I know it must have scared you, that you probably have some weird idea in your head that it’s all some pity crush I developed after you lost your sight, but Kate… I was done for from the moment you crashed my book party and you know it,” he murmurs, his voice low but so matter of fact. “Working with you for the past year leading up to the explosion… Beckett, you have to have known.”

She chews on her lip until she tastes the spill of copper on her tongue. 

“When that asshole blew up your apartment, I ran for my life to get to you, because that’s what you had become-”

“Rick, please-”

“You, my daughter, my mother… you’re my life. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to lose so much - your sight, your home, your job. I would give anything to trade places with you, to give it all back-”

That has her jerking to a stop. “No.”

“I just-”

“Are we on a crowded sidewalk?” 

Usually she would know the answer without help, but the blood is rushing in her ears. 

“No, we’re on Franklin street, at the crosswalk before your apartment,” he relays patiently. “There’s some traffic, but nothing too severe.”

“Good, then listen to me,” she mutters, turning her face towards him. “Even knowing what I know now, I would endure it all again if it meant saving you this fate, okay? You running into a burning building for me was bad enough.”

“I would do it again-”

“That is the problem!” she growls, jerking her arm from him and clicking her tongue twice.

Dovah trots forward. She knows Castle is at her back, following her home. 

“Ms. Beckett, Mr. Castle,” the doorman greets, confirming her suspicion.

The elevator doors slide closed, trapping the two of them in the lift, Dovah sitting patiently between them.

“You have a brilliant daughter, a wonderful mother, and amazing talent, Castle. All I gave you,” she murmurs, reaching forward, taking those beautiful hands in hers, cradling the scorched skin, the uneven patches of flesh. He ran into a burning building for her when Scott Dunn set her apartment aflame, he picked through searing debris to pull her charred body from the ashes. The door that landed on her actually shielded her from the worst of the fire, but his hands are covered in second and third degree burns that will take years to fully heal. “Is pain.”

“Wounds heal, Kate.”

“You lost feeling you’ll never get back in some areas,” she whispers, her thumb skirting along the edge of his wrist, the outer bone of his index finger - spots she’s memorized. “You can barely write.”

“You think I didn’t know the risks?” He draws his hands back from hers. “We’ve had this conversation, you’re just too damn stubborn to listen.” His hands touch her cheeks, palms cradling her jaw. “I wanted you more.”

The elevator chimes and she steps out of his grasp, taking the well-memorized path to her apartment, snagging the keys from inside her coat.

“So is that it?” he questions at her back, voice raising. She walks in, leaves the door open, and unhooks Dovah from the leash. “We spend months together, healing, being… happy and you just - you get scared and we’re done?”

Kate shrugs the coat from her shoulders, tosses it on the couch. She doesn’t want to think about the months that followed the explosion - the months spent in the loft with him and his family once they were both released from the hospital. Agent Shaw successfully arrested Scott Dunn, but she could barely find the will to care, to feel any sort of victory. 

The doctors told her she was blind - temporary or permanent, it was too soon to know, but the blunt force trauma from the blast had her head slamming hard against the floor, a random piece of furniture, a wall - no one knew - and she woke up unable to see. The last thing she remembers is a blurry image of Castle, stripping off his coat and wrapping her battered body in his arms, carrying her to safety. 

The first month was nothing but grief for her. Grieving her sight and the domino effect of loss that came with it - her career, her apartment, her… her purpose, her mom’s murder. All of it was out of reach now, gone. 

Castle was the only thing to remain in the darkness. 

He snuck into her hospital room every night, listening intently to her confess her fears, her anger, her pain. The first time he crawled into the hospital bed beside her, she let him hold her, bandaged hands at her back. 

“I’m never going to see you again,” she rasped into his throat, tears finally falling. “Castle, I can’t see you.”

She buried sobs into his neck, fell asleep against his chest. 

He didn’t let her argue about where she would stay once they were released. They moved what little possessions she still owned into his bedroom. He refused to make her walk upstairs until she was more familiar with her surroundings and her blindness. She refused to let him stay in the guest room.

Their routine from the hospital carried on into the new normal of her life. They would spend mornings in the same buildings, in different areas of burn units and physical therapy clinics, and then he would take her on a walk through the calmer parts of the city - his favorite parks, the length of the High Line, along the Hudson on the west side of Manhattan. He couldn’t hold her hand, so she gripped tightly to the arm of his sweater, trusting him with her life as he led her through a city she once thought she could navigate with her eyes closed. They would return to the loft eventually, the two of them figuring out how to make dinner together (“I’m literally blind and you can’t use your hands, this will be great,” she muttered the first time, making him choke on a laugh) and spending evenings with his mother and daughter. 

Alexis threw herself into learning braille, rushing in after school and meeting Kate in the dining room with a stack of books tucked under her arms. Together, they would pour over materials, memorizing a new alphabet, talking through the hardest parts.

She still misses her study partner. 

At the end of the night, Rick would touch her shoulder and lead her to his bedroom. She would shower and he would wait outside the bathroom to ensure she maneuvered through the process safely. Once dressed, she would help cover his fingers in the cooling, antibiotic salve the doctors prescribed him. 

“They’re feeling a little better,” she would examine, the varying terrains of his skin like a map to her fingers. The broken skin and cracked flesh ranged from the tips of multiple fingers to the edges of his wrists, luckily going no further. The doctor had personally promised her that Castle would heal fine, but the assurances failed to assuage her guilt. 

“They’re looking better each day,” he would confirm, gingerly sweeping his thumb along hers. “They definitely hurt less.”

After wrapping his hands, washing hers, she would crawl into bed beside him, sinking into the warmth of his mattress and the safety of his body next to hers. 

The routine instilled a level of trust in him she never thought she was capable of, but he proved worthy of it. No longer was he the playboy wannabe she had begun to doubt was an act all along; instead, she was met with a man who would stay up all night with her when she couldn’t sleep, who swore to her with fierce reassurance that she would be okay, that she would reclaim her life, and that he would be there for her every step of the way. 

He was the man who - exactly a month after the accident - got her a dog straight out of the best academy of guide dogs for the blind that he could find. 

“Her name is Dovah. She’s eighteen months old, a german shepherd mix, has bright blue eyes, brown and white fur, and she’s very happy to meet you,” he murmured, barely contained joy in his voice as she listened to him set the dog on the bed with her that morning. 

Kate reached out hesitantly and immediately felt the dog’s head come up under her palm. 

“Her handlers said she was strong, dedicated, and extremely protective. Reminded me of you.”

The smile had tugged on her lips and they had spent the morning practicing commands with a dog that became a lifeline for her. 

Castle helped her find her new apartment shortly after, swearing it was exactly her style, and enjoying every moment of helping her shop for and furnish the place. 

“It’ll be weird without you,” she confessed to him that first night she moved into the new building in Tribeca. 

They were standing together in a bedroom she couldn’t see, but apparently, he had outfitted her bed with purple sheets and put pictures of her parents on the nightstand. Her appliances were all fitted with braille instruction, Dovah was set up in the living room, Alexis had even made her a map to be sure she wouldn’t get lost in the new place - she had everything she could need. 

He reached for her hand with still healing fingers, drew hers to his cheek so she could “see” his expression while he spoke. 

“I’m just a phone call away. Less than ten minutes from here, five if I make a run for it,” he promised her, but her fingers trailed along his cheek, traveling the planes of his face. 

Her thumb skimmed the paper thin skin beneath his eyes, following the soft wrinkles expanding from the edge of his lashes to his temple. 

“What if I don’t want you to go?”

His breath was uneven, but he kissed her palm. “Then I won’t.”

Her fingers curled, as if she could trap his kiss there. But instead, she lowered them to his chin, steadied her hand there as she stepped closer. 

“Castle?”

His hands were touching her waist, steadying her, guiding her near. “Yes?”

She tipped her head up, pretended she could still see the ocean blue of his eyes on her. Their noses bumped, the heat of his breath skittering across her lips, and she lowered her fingers to his neck, felt the race of his pulse beneath the skin. 

“Will you kiss me?” 

It took only a moment for him to close the distance, kissing her gentle and slow and wonderful. She learned then that when Richard Castle kissed her, she could see the stars again. 

She hummed into his kiss, gently shut the bedroom door so not to startle Dovah, already dozing on her new couch. 

“Stay.” His mouth curved into a smile against hers. “Stay with me, Rick.”

“Yes,” he whispered, pressing her into the new bed. 

For months more, she forgot to feel afraid. She let herself enjoy the days leading up to the summer, let herself exist in the bubble of her new life with Castle and Dovah and his family. 

Until he told her he loved her, lying in his bed on a Tuesday night after a game of special braille scrabble with his daughter and a long shower together in his bathroom.

“I love you,” he murmured in the quiet of the night, the scars of his hands scraping along her cheekbone. The returning words were already swollen in her throat, how much she loved him back, but… all she could see behind her eyes was how much Castle loved her. What he did for those he loved.

Bursting into burning buildings, ruining his body, turning his life upside down. All for her. 

She couldn’t say it back, so she kissed him, hoped he felt it, hoped he knew. Because the next day, she took Dovah, went home, and asked him for space. 

“If it’s because of what I said-”

“No,” she told him over the phone, her face buried in her pillow, Dovah curled into her chest as if she could keep Kate’s heart from further fracturing. “No, Castle. I just - we’ve been through a lot these last few months and I need some time.”

“Okay, how much time?”

“I don’t know, I’ll - I’ll call you,” she lied, fisting her fingers in Dovah’s thick fur. 

She didn’t call. She forced herself not to call and she hated herself for it, for how much she knew it had to hurt. But he didn’t deserve the life she could give him, the sad world of leading around a blind woman who would always be mourning the past. 

She didn’t call because she loved him back, and she wanted better for him. 

The press of his chest at her back jerks her to the present. His palms are warm over her shoulders, his hips a bracket around hers, and she can’t help it, she leans into him.

“I miss you, Kate,” he mumbles into her hair. “My kid misses you, my mother. I’ve missed you so much the last three months. Just tell me how to fix whatever I did-”

“No,” she rasps, digging the heel of her hand into one of her useless eyes. “Rick, it isn’t you. It was never you. I’m damaged goods and I wanted more for you. I want to be more-”

“What are you talking about?” She’s shaking, her chest quivering with tears she’s been holding in for months. His arms are around her now, holding her together, and she scrambles to find his hands, to layer her palms over his scarred knuckles. “What the hell are you talking about and why weren’t we talking about this sooner? Why did you disappear on me?”

“Because I love you too,” she chokes out, shifting in his arms to face him, to lift trembling hands to his face, feel the downturned curve of his mouth, the ache in his eyes that radiates to his cheeks. “I love you and it scares me. It scares me to love someone like this, to let you love me, to - to risk losing it all. And god, Castle, I just - I didn’t want you stuck with me. I didn’t want you to think you had to love me because I’m so - so broken-”

His lips quiet her, sealing over her words and stealing her breath. Kate groans, fanning her fingers at his cheek to feel the work of his jaw, fisting her other hand in the worn fabric of a flannel she’s felt before. Her back bumps into the door and then her world is nothing but the sensation of Castle kissing her again, his body flush with hers, hands in her hair, angling her face upwards so he can kiss her deeper. 

“You are not broken,” he growls into her mouth, nipping on her bottom lip. “You are the same woman I knew before the explosion. You are strong, you are caring, and you are hot.”

Her lips crack into a watery smile beneath his. 

“And everything in between, Kate Beckett. You are everything I want. Always have been. Living together, healing together - it just made me fall in love with you faster,” he murmurs, dusting his lips to the corner of her mouth, the bone of her cheek, the lid of a closed eye. “But don’t think for a second that we wouldn’t have ended up here sooner or later, no matter what.”

His forehead drops against hers. 

“God, you’re so damn stubborn and I am so angry with you right now,” he mutters into her cheek, the words vibrating against her skin. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this earlier?”

“I panicked,” she admits, caressing the lines of his jaw with exploratory fingertips, the frown on his lips, the crease of his brow. “I thought - I was scared and I wanted to be selfless. I figured you would see how much I took from your life once I was gone.”

“Stupid,” he corrects, earning a huff, but he only nuzzles closer to her. “Stupid sometimes, but still extraordinary. That never changed, Kate.”

She cranes her neck, finds the corner of his mouth with her lips. “I’m so sorry, Castle.” He turns into the kiss, lets her have the work of his mouth for a long moment before he bumps his nose against hers. “I understand if you need time to-”

“No,” he gruffs, fingers bruising against her hips. “I gave you time, space. No more.”

She sighs, trails her fingers down his throat, caressing collarbones. 

“No,” she agrees, staining another apology along his chin. “I don’t want any more space either. I just want you.”

His arms wrap around her, damaged hands splaying firm at her spine. 

“Come back home,” he mumbles into her lips. “I’m not asking you to move in yet, just come watch movies on my couch, play scrabble with my kid, share my bed with me three to four nights a week.”

A quiet laugh echoes between them, she ignores the little flip of her heart at his yet, and nods. 

“Yes, but can we… can I have you to myself tonight, Castle?” she whispers, feeling his adam’s apple bob beneath the flutter of her fingertips. “These last three months… I ruined our summer and I want to make it up to you, but I want to talk this through. I need to be better about talking.”

Rick’s lips brush the skin between her brows, a pleased little quirk of his mouth against her skin. “Of course. Let me just text Alexis, let her know what’s going on so she doesn’t worry.”

“If she’s not okay with it-”

“She missed you, Kate, was a little confused and disappointed when you stopped seeing me, but I don’t think she’s upset with you,” he reassures her.

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow, take her for coffee or something,” she murmurs aloud, chewing on her bottom lip.

“I’m sure she’ll love that.”

“I’ll bring Dovah, I know that’s who you guys really missed.”

She hears the click of her dog’s nails on the hardwood floor across the room, likely coming in from the kitchen that houses her food and water bowls. 

“I mean, she was certainly an added benefit to your presence,” Castle sighs, drawing her from the door, fingers sliding down her arms to find her hands. 

She laces her fingers through his. 

“Where are we going?” she asks, even though she already has an idea.

“To your room, to talk, maybe do some packing,” he chirps, guiding her along after him, but she can hear the grin in his voice, the mischief that lies there. 

“That all?”

“Well, if we can squeeze it in, I was planning on showing you how much I missed you, maybe punishing you a little bit for making me miss you that much for the whole summer,” he muses, one of his arms jerking with what she assumes is a shrug. “But only if we have the time. It’s still early, there’s always tonight.”

“No,” she murmurs, covering the space between them when he slows. Her chest touches his and she swears she can feel the acceleration of his heart against hers. “We have longer.”

[stellanix]

thinking about how space exploration has always been my greatest passion, but i'm increasingly realizing that the people in charge of it aren't doing it for me, people like me, or literally any marginalized people, and they never have been

thinking about how nasa's flagship space telescope is named after someone who, if i worked for nasa, would've had me interrogated and fired for being queer, how the queer scientists who asked nasa to change the name were hounded by harrassment, how nasa's response was essentially "everyone was homophobic back then, not our fault, who cares," how every amazing discovery made using this telescope is credited using the name of that homophobe, and how they'd probably go right back to firing queer people if a republican government told them to

thinking about how nasa gives billions of dollars to a company run by a transphobic fascist billionaire, how someone who hates people like me for who we are is the one given the power to write the future

thinking about how most of those rockets and spacecraft helping us learn more about our universe are built by the same companies who built the bombs currently raining down on palestine and yemen

thinking about how, back in the 60s and 70s, white american men walked on the moon and said "we come in peace for all mankind" as their country was bombing southeast asia and systemically oppressing people of color

thinking about how astronomers build telescopes on mauna kea despite it being sacred to the indigenous people whose land was stolen in a coup, how the european space agency displaced people when building the kourou launch site, and how spacex damages wetlands, disrupts communities, and denies indigenous people access to sacred ground with their site in southern texas - how a lack of care or consideration for land and people is seen as justified in the name of "progress"

thinking about how ever-brightening city lights and satellite megaconstellations clogging low earth orbit steal more and more of the night sky from us every day, robbing countless people of the chance to see the wider universe with their own eyes

thinking about how the hopeful cooperation symbolized by the international space station is falling apart thanks to the nationalistic and imperialistic ambitions of states only interested in maintaining and expanding their hegemony, and how nasa's only plan to replace that beautiful symbol of cooperation is to have private companies build space hotels for the rich (the international space station is already starting to be used in this way)

thinking about how the US invites other countries to join in its return to the moon, but only if they sign the artemis accords, an agreement that circumvents the kind of international treaty processes that made the 1967 outer space treaty, in order to privilege american interests and allow for the commercialization of the moon

thinking about how white, cishet, abled american children can dream of becoming astronauts, while black children are treated as criminals from birth, trans children are denied life-saving care and forced into conversion therapy, disabled children are neglected, bullied, and denied the chance to pursue their dreams by a system that refuses to accommodate them, and palestinian children can't dream because the sound of bombs keeps them awake at night

thinking about how the privilged few with the power to decide what our future in space will be look up at the infinite wonders of the cosmos, and see only resources to exploit and profits to be made - the same thing they see when they look at earth. they don't see beautiful places to be learned about, respected, and appreciated, but things to be used. they don't see spaceflight as a way to explore these wonders or discover new ways to be human, but as a way to amass more power

i wonder if these people listened to carl sagan's pale blue dot speech, and took it not as a lesson about the absurdity and pettiness of power and greed, but as a challenge to conquer more than just one pale blue dot?

[jad3w1ngs]

So this is a bit of a vent and also a bit of a positive thing? Hard to describe but anyway.

I finally seem to have a kind of diagnosis for my pain.

Turns out that my ligaments are all a little bit too stringy/long so they aren't holding my bones in the right place.

I am viewing this part as the positive bit because I've been trying to get someone to say/know why I'm constantly in pain since I was 23 (I'm 29 now). The fact that it's taken this long for someone to actually, properly look at me, to actually examine me instead of telling me that I'm either imagining it or that I should just lose weight.

I mean the fact that I literally lost 3st (42lbs) just to stop them using that as an excuse should probably tell you just how often that was their excuse.

So that leads me into the ranty part of my post. I've been going to the doctor's on and off since this pain started and mostly focused on my lower back and tailbone (because that's where most of the pain is) and every time it was just waved off like 'oh everyone's backs hurt a bit'. And okay sure, the human spine sucks but I'm pretty sure most people (especially in their early 20s) are still able to sit in a chair for more than 10 minutes without pain, more than 30 minutes without being in so much pain that they can't focus on anything else.

I'm sure most healthy, non-disabled 20 something's don't have days where their legs feel so week because their back is fucked that they worry about climbing stairs because they're sure they're going to fall.

Now onto how I finally got the doctor to listen to me. By talking about something else.

I started the way I normally do (fresh doctor because I moved a little while ago so I've had to start the process over again) talked about my back, how I've been in pain daily for over 7 years now and I want to know why/if they can help me. I also brought up the fact that I've finally put two and two together in that my joints don't always seem super sturdy, that the reason I'd made that appointment in particular was because my leg gave out on a walk and my knee has been sore ever since and keeps clicking etc.

Doctor does what all the doctors do. Said, oh we'll ignore the back for now because we all have bad back (she legit said this too me) we'll focus on your knee.

I was annoyed but also just kind of let it go because I had made the appointment about my knee and also if I talk verbally about my pain too much I start crying, especially around medical personnel.

Now's the part that really pissed me off, because of the next question she asked me.

'does your joint pain actually stop you from doing your job or going about your life'

And I'm sure there's probably a reasonable explanation for that question, there is a possibility I'm over reacting but it very much came across as something that if I said no, it doesn't effect my ability to do my job, that she just wouldn't have helped me.

Anyway, I said yes. Because yes, there are days my joints just don't work. There is also a lot of manual handling and a lot of walking involved in my job, so on days where my joints feel extra stringy or my legs feel wobbly I can't do my job.

She manipulated my legs, moving them from side to side. Tried to see if there was still any swelling etc. And that was when we discovered that, and I quote I 'have the stretchiest knees she's ever seen' that my joints would be the perfect ones to show trainees because the hyperflextion (I think that's the right word) was textbook and really visible.

So now I know. I still feel quite patronised and dismissed but I know. Because it explains everything. My ligaments aren't doing their job so my bones move about. Not stretchy enough for things to dislocate properly but they do for a few seconds. This also means my hips don't sit right when I sit down hence the pain.

I have a path now, it's mostly physical therapy to train my muscles to do what my ligaments can't (basically I have to become super strong! Get hench! That kind of thing) and I have something that I can start with when I go to the doctor's from now on.

[sl33py-g4m3r]

Kinda sad posting again cause I saw something about blindness awareness month and that brought up something I don't wanna think about.

not like posting it here is gonna help me forget about it or that it happened in the first place...

just something stupid in my life that makes me think I'm kind of a failure somehow...

was getting help from rehab for the blind during high school

vocational help from them and schooling/mobility aids, its how I got a red and white stick to signify blindness

have anxiety

get out of school and talk to them once or so out of school

too afraid to get job

too afraid to go back to school after I dropped out of college after high school

fail to contact them again because anxiety

fail to do a bunch of stuff due to anxiety i guess

get letter that due to no contact from me they are no longer aiding and helping me find a job/work/schooling

get income from blind pension fund and ssi cause disabled

too anxious to go to school again or look for work

become NEET who just helps sibling/plays games/watches anime

feel like a failure

idk how I feel about that or what tbh... is it my anxiety's fault or my own?? why do I feel like such a failure about it??

am I a failure??

I feel like that sometimes.... Tho I help my sibling and mom so I'm not a failure... Give the bank and places I work with (therapy office, bank, doctors offices...) gifts like candy or coffee for the break room sometimes just cause I feel they're unappreciated.

Like to give people stuff and help whenever I can...

So I'm not a failure....

so why do I feel like that...?

The White trying to trick me?? That's what I'd like to think anyway... The call of the void?? Or just an intrusive thought??

My vision is bad and I'm anxious; but I'm not a failure surely....

I hate that a post about (disability awareness month of all things; a good positive post telling people about it) brought about such feelings...

idk what to think about it... and hopefully me typing this out will help me forget about it.....

sorry for the depressing, sad boi hours personal post.

I'm not one to feel sorry for myself or throw a pity party; and despise people who do.... That's not what I'm doing..... Just airing out my thoughts and thinking mainly......

It's probably just an intrusive thought and meaningless..... I'm not a failure, nor useless... I'm a great help to the people around me even if only an ear to listen to what they're going through....

I'm not a failure....

..... right?

at least it's not me complaining about and trying to figure out whether I'm transgender or not cause that's another thing I overthink about and am genuinely not sure about but i really don't like being female sometimes but being a guy, or seen that way anyway (like that would ever happen anyway), might not be any better anyway.... idk....

been running that thought process around in circles for almost a decade and I'm still not sure.........

my indecisive self......

*internal screaming*

[oddmerit]

i love when tumblr posts get incorporated into academic research. i love it when The Crazy Gay Trans SJW website gets the respect it deserves and people recognize that, hey, maybe random weirdos online who seemed like they were going "too far" were right about stuff. i was looking up "stimmyabby" on google because she was someone who blogged a lot about autism and madness and nocompliance in therapy that i looked up to in my early tumblr years and i had seen someone else from that time period float across my dash, and i found her post about "respect" cited in a paper called "Who May Be Competent? Mothering Young Children of Color with Disabilities and the Politics of Care" (2022, Beneke, Collins & Powell), where a mom describes finding the post and how it relates to how her child was treated in school:

[transcript in alt text and reproduced below the cut:]

Mothers also interrogated what “respect” and “care” mean in early childhood. For example, Lua shared a Tumblr post by Autistic teen blogger @stimmyabby (Figure 1).

She explained:

[Schools say] that to kids all the time. That if you want what you want, you have to listen to exactly what I say and exactly the way I say it. So... kids learn that “might makes right,” and they take that out into the world, and the world will validate that over and over and over again in the worst ways... we need to show kids respect so that they’ll learn respect. But we are also using different words for what respect means... my child being a non-verbal Black child, him as a person and his age aren’t seen the way that other kids’ ages and humanity are seen. [end quote]

Applying the Tumblr post to the context of schools, Lua reflected on how early educational systems define respect as individual assimilation to adult expectations, and critically questioned dominant definitions of respect that dehumanized her non-speaking Black child. To resist these dehumanizing processes, several Mothers we spoke with (including Lua) mothered for respect and care by home-schooling their children. Collectively, Mothers questioned how school expectations surrounding “respectful behavior” narrowly construct competence, perpetuating ableism and racism. Moreover, Mothers conveyed that schooled notion of respect becomes a kind of curriculum that all children learn, teaching children their worth in relation to others.

Mothers in our study connected these dehumanizing schooling practices to criminalization. When Nissa joined us, she referenced a news article about a Black kindergartener with a disability who was arrested based on perceived behavioral incompetence. Nissa shared, “Knowing the fact that a kid as young as six years old can be arrested, that doesn’t exempt my daughter at all. So it’s just like, okay," [the text is cut off]

Below the writing in the paper is "Figure 1", a screenshot of a tumblr post by stimmyabby. It reads as follows:

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”

and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.

[end id]

[uncloseted]

Hii! i was wondering if you’d have any advice on my problem!

I’m worried that I can be a little dumb. I know ‘intelligence’ manifests itself in different areas and I think I’m quite creative and very imaginative, I’m also good when it comes to academia, understanding what the professors want to see and writing strong essays.

But I think my main thing is that I lack common sense, and I can come accross as very ditzy, airy fairy kinda thing. I can write decently but I struggle to express myself when speaking/ I’m also very emotionally driven so I feel like I’m terrible at any kind of debate or very intellectually stimulating conversation 😭

I feel like I physically cannot think before I speak and I always say the silliest things and it’s okay because my friends love me for it but I do feel a bit insecure about it all!

I feel like I’m that person who never gets the joke, who always gets lost and has no sense of direction, and I just overall lack common sense. Stuff that comes super naturally to others around me will simply not occur to me ever 😭 I also feel very easily confused and lost!

Also I’m a blonde girl and I’m soft spoken and have a high-pitched voice, and I feel like that adds more and more to the ditzy image (that’s a sexism problem and not a me problem, but it’s still a thing)

In conclusion I am confused and seeking ur advice! 🥰I hope you’re doing wonderful btw!

So, the first thing that comes to mind is, if you haven't already, it may be worth being evaluated for neurodevelopmental conditions or learning disabilities. The reason I mention this is because a lot of people (especially girls) grow up feeling dumb when in fact they're just struggling with something going on in their brain. Girls with ADHD often present as being "spacey" or "dreamy" or "ditzy", but that's actually due to difficulty with distractability and memory. People with ADHD in general often have difficulty in conversation because they have trouble with impulsivity and can't take a beat to let another person finish their thought or to think about what they want to say. People with dyslexia often also have a poor sense of direction, and people with autism often feel like they "don't get the joke" or that they lack common sense because they struggle to pick up on social cues. There are lots of different types of disorders that cause differences in how people understand and process information. Of course, that may not be the case for you, but I just wanted to bring it up because some people struggle with these types of issues their entire lives without knowing what they are.

In terms of what you can do to try and improve your intelligence and common sense, I think it's just about practicing those skills.

For becoming (or seeming) more traditionally intelligent:

Practice active listening: When you're having a conversation with someone else, try to make a conscious effort to listen carefully to what they're saying instead of waiting for your turn to talk. Before you respond, take a beat to process their words and think before responding. This will help you avoid saying something you wish you hadn't and give you time to figure out what the appropriate response would be.

Slow down when you talk: This kind of follows from the last piece of advice, but try to talk more slowly and give yourself time to process your thoughts as you're talking. It's okay to pause in the middle of an idea to make it clear to yourself before saying it out loud.

Start doing "intellectual things": Expose yourself to a wide range of topics and perspectives. Read books, listen to podcasts, and engage in discussions with people who are really good in this area. This will help you broaden your understanding, develop stronger critical thinking skills, and be able to be more present in conversations that are intellectually complicated.

Seek self-improvement: Take opportunities to learn and grow. Attend workshops, join clubs or organizations that align with your interests, and seek feedback on how you're doing in those environments. Putting effort into self-improvement can help you build confidence and expand your skills.

In terms of improving common sense:

Increase your general knowledge: This kind of goes along with what I was talking about before, but expanding the amount of stuff you know will give you a wider range of information to pick from when you're trying to make a decision or solve a problem. Often, what we think of as "common sense" is just someone knowing something that we don't.

Pay attention to your surroundings: Another big part of common sense is being observant and noticing environmental cues that point you in the right direction (literally or figuratively). People with "common sense" are good at noticing what the people around them are doing and making a guess on what's appropriate based on that, or noticing things like signs that are explicitly telling them what to do.

Observe and learn from others: Pay attention to the people around you who have strong common sense skills. Observe how they approach different situations, make decisions, and solve problems. Once you know how they act in certain situations, you can start to do the same in your own life.

Reflect on past experiences: Take the time to reflect on your past experiences and think about the decisions you made. Were there alternative paths that could have led to better results? This reflection can help you learn from your mistakes and make more informed choices in the future.

Engage in critical thinking: Develop your ability to analyze situations objectively. Ask yourself questions like "What are the possible consequences of this action?" or "What are the underlying causes of this problem?" Critical thinking helps you evaluate information, identify patterns, and make good judgments of the situations you're in.

Practice problem-solving: Engage in activities that require problem-solving skills, such as puzzles, riddles, or logic games. These exercises can strengthen your ability to think logically and find practical solutions.

All of that said, you don't have to be what people think of as intelligent and you don't have to have what people think of as common sense. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it's okay to just accept that there are some things we'll never be good at and to let those things go. You're creative and imaginative and good at academic writing, and your friends and family love you just the way you are. It's good to want to improve, but it's also okay to say, "this is just how I am and I accept that about myself."

[theclassicvinyldragon]

The smell of lush greenery and sounds of trickling water have become statement background pieces for the greater part of the past year. You remembered the first time your foot met gravel when you entered the gate and heard the chime sound. You were so excited to use the local librarians suggestion of experiencing art physically with your hands, after long days of lamenting how you couldn’t witness art the way seeing people do.

The days of walking around and feeling statues turned into the artist following and answering questions about the pieces. She seemed to genuinely delight in your curiosity and awe of her work. She always assured you she had time and not to question her on who she deems is worthy her attention.

You like Mae, that’s a big driving factor of your constant visits. That and she doesn’t treat you like a disabled burden. She seems to delight in how you describe your interactions with the world. Your long conversations with her about how society uses imaging and aesthetic as its leading forms of expression. How that ends up affecting not just people with varying degrees of sight but also audio neural driven people. And you just adore listening to her talk about how hard it was when she was growing up to get people to take her seriously when all they would focus on is what they could see of her. She said she was in a devout religion while going through school but lost her faith after an incident. You were able to empathize with that, you eventually shared that you were also raised in a religious house hold but lost your faith after years of your parents claiming it was a lack of faith that kept you blind.

After bonding over shared trauma it was like Mae never wanted you anywhere but there. She said you inspire her to create art and not just perfect the sculptures that “walk into the garden”. You always giggle when she describes her process like that. Her following of patrons is mostly online you realize as she really doesn’t like people to visit the garden. She tells you she was perfectly content to be by herself with the occasional statue gracing her with their presence but she noticed immediately that you were different.

As time passed you notice odd things about Mae, she’d use terms that didn’t make sense until she explained they were old and she read them in books. She would talk about sisters that didn’t move with her, she never specified from where but it always sounded far. She hisses whenever she bumps into something or hurts herself by accident. It’s a very convincing hiss. And she never lets men anywhere near you. Ever. If there is a visitor she sends you to her personal area and has you inspect her most recent sculptures while assuring you she’d deal with whoever showed. You always laugh when she says deal because she sounds deathly serious but you know it’s just a pun, like art deal.

You know trauma looks different for everyone but it still randomly hits you that this beautiful woman inside, and your positive outside, doesn’t have anyone else besides you. How could no one else notice how wonderful Mae is? She always makes you laugh and she finds books in braille that you were positive weren’t available yet, because she’s thoughtful and kind. She always smells like fresh grain, you’re confused how you know exactly what it is but you know that that’s it without a doubt, except when she gets irritated or angry at anyone but you, it’s never you. Then she smells like petrichor when the ground is moist but the rain has passed and the predators are coming back out. You’re not sure how to explain the sensation of her scent but it’s warm and protective to you. She always makes sure you’re eating and checks in when you haven’t stopped by for a couple days. She never comes to you but she does like to make sure you know you’re always invited and welcome.

You realize you’re love for Mae might be reciprocated when she brings you to the back room of her studio in the garden and shows you her latest piece. She’s says she used something called the impasto technique to give you a painting that has 3d texture for you to feel. You feel warm tears track down your cheeks as you feel this huge canvas from top to bottom. All the while Mae is behind you telling you the story of Medusa from birth to tragedy. The canvas telling the story with her through your finger tips. At the end she stands behind you and guides your hand to what feels like a star constellation at the bottom. She tells you the end of the story is not the trauma or the punishment from the goddess but the light from a cluster of stars so bright that it saved Medusa from darkness and loneliness.

She laughs when after you’ve finished kissing her all over her face in quick loving attacks, you ask if she still prefers Mae.

(This isn’t edited at all, wrote it in 5 minutes on the phone app. Sorry if it’s shite, couldn’t remove it from my brain. Give me lesbian soft people killing monsters please. Thanks. )

You’ve been fully blind since birth. You also just can’t make sense of why the charming Greek lady who runs the local statue garden doesn’t seem to have many friends besides you…

[drdemonprince]

It’s “urks me” anon. I agree with your reply very much. I know I sent the ask but you did not have to reply as in depth as you did and it genuinely made me feel a lot more comfortable with the space you are creating. I kinda wish you had explained yourself that well in the beginning but hey I of all people know online communication is difficult and this is an evolving convo. Also I’m going to be real your followers have been being a lot more annoying than you ever could be and it was affecting my mood when talking to you. It’s less that healthy people talking about risk management inherently annoys me and more that they are constantly slipping in microaggressions and minor misinfo when they talk about it. Even if the choices they are making are (sometimes…) reasonable it is so obvious that they were not listening to the important technical details vulnerable people were speaking and only heard “blah blah blah scary stuff and restrictions blah blah blah” like…!? I think overshaming is one piece of the puzzle. But I think a lot of people, including many so called allies and covid-aware people, simply don’t listen to us very carefully regardless of how diplomatic we’re being. Maybe they think they already know the technical details even though they clearly don’t? Idk it’s very irritating.

Thanks for your message. This is another place where I get very enraged at our public institutions for failing us so catastrophically! We have all been so systematically misled about COVID, and the actual infection numbers and other ever-evolving data on how it's currently spreading is actively covered up, and not made accessible by journalistic institutions, so on that level I do not hold individiduals reponsible for not understanding things.

Chronically ill, disabled, and otherwise COVID-conscious people have been forced to become the public health information apparatus and have done incredible amounts of thankless work geneating the data, reporting on it, monitoring wastewater levels, delving deeply into the latest research, creating infographics, and trying to spread the word to the public about it, but they have no assistance in it, and no platform beyond what they can build online. and those online communities tend to become siloed because of how social media algorithms work, and so people who have been spreading the facts relentlessly every single day routinely bump up against people who do not see those same posts hardly ever because they are in different pockets of the internet. Which comes down both to their choices and priorities, and due to algortihmic echo-chambers, and economic and political incentive structures silencing the work that COVID-conscious folks do.

And yes, also, people very much do shut down and turn away when confronted with scary information... that's a very well-established fact within public health and persuasion science that has remained a real barrier to public awareness campaigns for a long time. People do not process information about death and threat well at all. So much so that many public health intitatives of the past had to limit talk of death and scary outcomes if they want people to things like get a cancer screening or contemplate quitting smoking. the cigarette companies themselves funded "anti smoking" campaigns that were awash in images of death and bodily decay because they knew those kinds of messages shut people down and actually make them less likely to quit. (i write a lot about this stuff in my new book).

This is where conversations about tactics do become relevant again -- mentioning death or the direness of long COVID isn't "shaming", it's not moral sanctimoniousness, it's not "wrong" to do, it is accurate! but it doesn't usually work persuasively. and I do think there is more we could do to frame masking and taking covid mitigation measures as a thing for a person to take pride in, feel empowered by, and feel connected to others by doing, which generally is what we find to be more effective in public health research.

to return to the cancer comparison, we tend to find that "think of how much peace of mind you'll feel after your cancer screening! take a positive step for your health!" is a more effective framing that actually inspires behavioral change than "if you don't find out that you have pancreatic cancer in time you will most likely die. here are the stats on how many people die of it." That kind of messaging tends to make people less likely to take proactive steps. even though it's all rooted in actual facts.

I have seen some propaganda (postive connotation) evoking a kind of positive, empowering idea regarding masking at protests, but I'd love to see more of it. Sounding the alarm repeatedly does not work for a variety of psychological reasons. people get both numb to it if they've heard something is a "pressing serious life and death emergency" for long enough, and paradoxically, they also overwhelmed by the bleakness. we see a similar thing happening with climate change. these situations ARE dire and people SHOULD care, but in order to make caring feel concrete and possible, behaviorally, we have to frame information in an empowering way.

of course, there are COVID conscious people who do do that and devote lots of energy to crafting such persuasive messages! and still have to cope with being silenced, downgraded by the algorithm, ignored, attacked by anti-maskers, etc. and lots of people understandably feel that they have tried everything and that people still don't care. from where they are sitting as one person that's the emotional reality and that's often the lived intepersonal experience. but that appearance of other people not caring was engineered...and lord i hope we can find a way to socially engineer a collective way out of it, because what we are doing isn't working well enough. unfortunately the thing we need the most desperately is just more people spreading the message and giving a shit.

[kvibestudios]

Unlocking Success: Accessible Videos in Corporate Branding

TITLE: The Importance of Accessible Videos in Corporate Branding

In today's rapidly changing corporate world, video content has become a key component of branding strategies. Capable of conveying complex ideas in an engaging and straightforward manner, videos have become essential for both marketing and customer interaction. As we progress further into the digital age, it's crucial to recognize the importance of making these videos accessible to a diverse range of viewers, including those with disabilities. This article examines the relevance of accessible videos in corporate branding, underscoring their significant benefits, best practices, and current compliance requirements.

Broader Audience Reach

Accessible videos cater to a more extensive audience. This inclusivity not only covers individuals with disabilities but also reaches non-native speakers and those in environments where listening to audio is not feasible. By integrating captions, subtitles, and transcripts, companies can make their video content available to all potential viewers. This ultimately fosters a more inclusive and engaging viewing experience, considerably expanding the potential audience reach.

Improved SEO Performance

Accessibility in videos greatly influences search engine optimization (SEO). Elements such as captions and transcripts assist search engines in indexing video content more effectively. This indexed text enhances the video's discoverability, which can lead to higher search rankings. Consequently, accessible videos drive more traffic to websites, offering the dual advantage of inclusivity and increased online visibility, a crucial aspect of modern corporate branding endeavors.

Enhanced User Experience

Delivering an exceptional user experience is central to any successful branding approach. Videos featuring accessibility enhancements like captions and subtitles enhance the viewing experience. They make the content more engaging and enjoyable, leading to increased viewer interaction and sharing. This kind of inclusive accessibility can boost user satisfaction, cultivating a more loyal customer base that feels acknowledged and appreciated.

Legal Compliance Advantage

The legal aspects of video accessibility cannot be overlooked. Compliance with regulations such as the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and other global accessibility standards is becoming increasingly essential. Numerous businesses have faced legal challenges for non-compliance. Ensuring video accessibility not only demonstrates a commitment to inclusivity but also safeguards companies from potential legal issues, preserving both their brand image and financial stability.

Positive Brand Image

In the competitive arena of corporate branding, maintaining a positive reputation is essential. Committing to inclusion through accessible video content can significantly bolster a brand's image. It reflects a company's dedication to diversity and its readiness to serve a wide range of customers. This positive perception promotes customer loyalty, supporting the brand's long-term success.

Implementing Best Practices

To maximize these benefits, companies must embrace best practices for video accessibility:

Provide Captions and Subtitles: These should accurately reflect spoken content, including all relevant audio elements like music and sound effects.

Use Transcripts: Transcripts offer a text version of the video content, aiding accessibility for those dependent on screen readers.

Localization: Adapting video content for various languages and cultures can broaden audience reach, a process made easier by automated subtitle and caption generation.

User Controls: Providing controls for playback speed, volume, and captions can greatly enhance the viewing experience.

Beneficial Sectors and Demographics

Accessible videos impact numerous sectors beyond corporate branding:

Corporate Businesses: These entities enhance brand perception and engagement by fostering accessibility, avoiding legal risks, and reaching wider marketing audiences.

Marketing Professionals: Inclusive video strategies offer a competitive edge in targeted campaigns and can improve SEO and brand image.

Agencies and Freelancers: Offering accessible video solutions adds value to their services, ensuring compliance with standards and drawing a diverse client base.

Actionable Insights

To seamlessly integrate accessibility into corporate branding strategies, consider these steps:

Incorporate Accessibility from the Start: Integrating accessibility from the beginning of the content creation process ensures highly inclusive final products.

Use Automated Tools: Utilize technology to automate the creation of captions, subtitles, and transcripts, streamlining and reducing costs.

Test for Accessibility: Consistent testing ensures all video features are functional and accessible in all possible viewing contexts.

Train Your Staff: Educating team members about the importance and techniques of video accessibility fosters an inclusive culture within content creation teams.

The importance of accessible videos in corporate branding is indisputable. By integrating accessibility, businesses can reach broader audiences, enhance SEO, improve user experience, and comply with legal mandates. Overall, accessible video content can enhance a brand's reputation and success, building a foundation based on inclusion and diversity, crucial drivers in today’s global market.

Employing best practices such as providing thorough captions, subtitles, and user controls while prioritizing accessibility from the beginning will have a significant positive influence on a company's branding strategies.

Committing to accessibility not only aligns with ethical business practices but also shields companies from legal challenges and bolsters a positive brand image, highlighting the multifaceted importance of accessible videos in corporate branding.

#CorporateBranding #VideoAccessibility #InclusiveMarketing #SEO #BrandImage

Find out the importance of accessible video content for businesses at https://www.kvibe.com

[tallysgreatestfan]

What does this mean for fandom?

Fandom isn't activism, and fandom didn't exactly influence the election, but fandom is where a lot of marginalized people (not just from the US) go to get a break from reality, process their experience, and connect with other people, so I thought it would be helpful to think about how this will influence fandom and small things you can do to try to make fandom at least somewhat safe for queer people, disabled people and POC.

First of all: Tagging. At best all characters, ships and tropes (never know when someone has a weird traumatic connection to a ship that makes them seriously uncomfortable when it comes up, which is okay as long as they don't harass anyone over it) triggers and relations to real live events. But if that is too much, at least triggers and real live events. So you don't have to change anything about what you blog and reblog, but people can filter out if needed.

Second: Make yourself familiar with T/ERF rhetoric. Yes, their transphobia is horrific, but this is far from the only minority they target. They are not as open about it, but for example I as a bisexual gnc autistic woman was targeted by them before for not fitting into their ideal of a woman.

If someone spreads any of these ideologies, even if they claim to not be a T/ERF, stop giving them a platform. If you have the energy, maybe try to explain why this is harmful, but if they don't listen... Especially if you are a lesbian. Not because there is anything inherently bigoted about lesbians, but because you are the only queer identity that isn't seen as subhuman traitors by them and so the primary target of their indoctrination.

They were of course not the main cause for the Republicans winning, even if with their overblown focus on trans people and the way they tend to funnel formerly leftish women into the alt-right they definitely contributed. They use fandom to make people susceptible for their ideology, and so, by extend, alt-right ideology. But, more than that, they love to use fandom spaces to recruit and spread their ideology. Of course biphobia, transphobia, aphobia, ableism and especially rascism do exist in fandom even outside of them - but they contribute a huge deal to all of these issues and try to abuse everybody out of fandom who isn't a cis white abled neurotypical gender-conforming lesbian (all while trying to veneer their bigotry by using the small number of other minority people they managed to recruit as "proof" that they actually aren't bigoted).

Again, in the great scope of things not that big of a problem, but on fandom hosting social media like tumblr... a huge problem.

Related: Learn what fandom puritanism is and why it is harmful. Intersects a lot with T/ERF ideology, and like them is used to "ease up" progressive people in fandom to fundamentalist christian and alt-right ideas.

Last thing: Sadly I don't think this is something that can be avoided, but if you know it will happen you can at least think about strategies that would help you deal with it: Panicked, powerless people tend to react aggressive and lash out at people who are just as powerless as them instead of the people in power who actually caused this (because if they could do the latter, they would not be in this situation). That is understandable, even if it is not pretty or morally just.

Last Trump presidency, I distinctly noticed how people in fandom became even more aggressive and even more willing to accuse other minority people of being bigots of all kinds or pedophiles or whatever. Expect fandoms to become even more heated than now, and plan what you will do if that happens. Both in fandom stuff (XY mutual has my back, if fandom X gets to awful I'll move to Y, etc) and mental health stuff (going for a walk, guided meditation, pre-prepared sentences to read when you feel like you are truly immoral and fundamentally broken just for liking X character, etc).

Branching out is important (different platforms, different fandoms), and connecting with other fans you trust too.

I wish you all the best