#the lines actually something i took from my letter for him LMFAO

[fenmorre]

this winter, can you please hold my hand?

[sonianvmd]

thh characters with a crush on you

warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major

oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much

a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)

also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*

edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY

spoilers under the cut!!

★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★

makoto naegi

when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous

nervous around you, that is

y’all saw how he was with sayaka

if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it

he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes

he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says

you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents

he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually

let’s hope his luck comes through 😁

byakuya togami

now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐

he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you

but it was hard not to

the way you preferred to get to the point

the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him

he's ruthless

anyways

you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources

he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself

and we all know how this mf feels about himself 😐

he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials

he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you

but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well

yeah they on his ass LMFAOO

kyoko kirigiri

kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious

she’ll probably just hang around you more

she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly

“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”

hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways

she finds you respectable

if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor

when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO

she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk

take her hand

pls

toko fukawa

y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick

yeah so 😁😁😁😁

no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾‍♀️ tendencies

she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast

but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya

i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational

the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again

if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids

you’ll most likely put two and two together

unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways

if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao

she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)

expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift

and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol

calls u a baka ���😍

aoi asahina

i know y’all all see how she is with sakura

yeah.

aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them

she values you and your friendship very much

bring her donuts

just trust me bring her donuts

she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time

and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it

uh oh looks like we goin for a swim

sakura ogami

similar to kyoko, she’s very calm

despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl

she cares for you and your well-being very much

will indeed go on x games mode for you

the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken

kith her

naow

im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔

leon kuwata

flirtatious ass mf

and he’s lightskin

so this just cannot go well

y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder

yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO

he’s very confident

he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️

but

you feel.. different than usual ??

those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win

but you

he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time

he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance

he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all

he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you

he doesn't tell you in a grand way

probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin

he's chillin

mondo owada

you know

for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader

or just for being in a biker gang period

mondo’s a huge softie lol

yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends

so mfs need to be nice to you

or they gettin whooped

when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO

he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go

“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”

real smooth mondo i think you got em good job

please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny

he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it

but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾

also mondo would call his s/o doll

that is all

chihiro fujisaki

my fav dude in a dress <3

chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there

he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are

he cares about you v much

the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar

and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings

he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you

he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you

not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO

sweet lil boy

i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot

and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”

sobbing i miss him

kiyotaka ishimaru

okay here’s the thing

if taka were to like someone

i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)

or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO

so imma write a lil bit for both

in the case that he was even stricter:

he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place

of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well

if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY

but in the case he let up:

he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students

if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself

if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj

either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands

sayaka maizono

she will tell you

idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol

she’d make sure she’s sincere

she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything

ok bc

while i do think she’d tell you

i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel

like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile

and naturally, you're like :o

and of course you come to support her

and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out

for real this time

she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO

———

i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾

fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁

and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*

bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever

———

edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍

[whaleofatjme1920]

Letter to Sal Fisher from Pinky

Romantic + playful s/o, implied nsfw

\\\

Pssst! Sal! Didn’t I tell you to stay up and wait for the mail the other day? I told you I was gonna send something special in the mail! Of course it was the usual Polaroid pictures but I’m damn sure you noticed the one we took in your old room! I cant believe you told me your DAD handed you the mail and had to give you a sex talk despite literally going to college. Doesn’t that seem a little overkill?? Yeah speaking of your dad as well, he keeps avoiding eye contact with me and being awkward. I cant imagine him and Lisa trying to be intimate in that room knowing we already did!

Hey do you think your dad ever heard us in your room? I never really thought about it since he was usually away but I guess we never…. Stopped banging continued it knowingly if he ever did show up. Then again, he probably only said something since the issue was right in front of his eyes when he was getting his mail! God I wonder if he ever knew those times I had to sneak out or stay the night before you moved out. You know I love you Sal, but your dad seeing that picture was probably the last thing I wanted to think about today.

Anywhoo, I’m seriously testing you this time, if you don’t pick up this letter before your dad sees it I won’t give you any more sexy cute lac surprises in the mail!

Love you sweetie!

-Pinky

P.S. Change your mailing address to your new house! If Lisa sees me like that this time I might just die!

P.P.S. I may have added a picture or two anyways, but that’s the last you’re getting for awhile!

[Disclaimer: Letters To Those you Hold Dear is a special event I'm holding from December 9th - December 21st at 11:59 PM. Find guidelines here so you can send a letter or two to those you hold dear <3]

[AN: Hi love bug, don't worry, saw your other ask! Only reason I ask for pronouns is to make sure if I call you any term of endearment it lines up with what you're most comfortable with. I also just don't like misgendering people. Thank you for telling me!]

Dear Pinky,

You can read me so well, you know that? That inkling came, like a sixth sense and I couldn't get a wink of sleep. I was excited to hear from you and receive your awesome pics. Brought back a lot of old memories, if I'm being honest. And the talk with my dad... Gods that's something I'd like to forget! He means the best though, so I GUESS it's forgivable. And yikes I try to think of them like, puritans? Not quite that - look, babe, I play my music and pretend whatever they did doesn't exist. Shudder.

Hell, I hope not. That'd be... Bit awkward. My dad is a quiet guy, y'know? If he heard anything, he's too shy to actually say it. Let's uh, let's hope he didn't. I hate the fact he probably brought it up with the mail because deep down he KNEW. What a nightmare lol. This whole thing makes me cringe - hasn't happened in a while. Yikes.

Pinky you literally always test me. This entire thing was one giant "aha we fucked" I will literally never stop giving you shit for this lmfao. But it's cool because I love you and I want to see those pics. Maybe I'll send you some art of my own *eyebrow wiggle*.

Love you,

Sal F.

P.S. baby oh my fucking gods I'm-

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 7 *FINALE* (Thoughts and Rambles)

We have a LOT to unpack here oh my god oh my god

When I say I was screaming and yelling during the episode, I mean I was LITERALLY screaming and yelling

This post is mostly screeching and capital letters, you’ve been warned

“So cold” “life or death meant nothing” - well shit. Accurate description of a Spectre attack damn

I didn’t know what those creepy noises were at first and I was sat here absolutely TERRIFIED because it was creepy as fuck. Then I realized it was cliff ghasts because they said something that I recognized from the book and I was like “oh shit”

Pan and Will talking is the sweetest omg

The fact that Pan told him that Lyra thinks he’s as brave as King Iorek Byrnison :’)

“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had” “You’re her best friend too” - STOP, MY HEART

Lyra was awake and heard the whole conversation :3

“I’m no longer an aeronaut” :( “I’m an insect” - LMAO

Hester and Lee’s banter remains my favourite thing and now it’s bittersweet tbh...

“You could never be an insect, Lee” “Okay, hare” - bless them

Marisa finding where Lyra was staying and then finding Lyra’s coat?? And crying with it pressed to her face?? :’(

In case I haven’t mentioned it already, I am incredibly gay for the witches/their aesthetic/costume. Absolutely beautiful queens, all of them

Oh hi, it’s Mary and the two kids!

The fact that Mary helped them find their adults :’)

Also, “We like you miss” - BLESS

I’m kind of confused as to whether the blue flower petals are important or if it’s just her smelling them? IDK

“I’m close to my father, it’s time I found him” - OOF OKAY UMM ARE YOU SURE

“I let my best friend down” - Noooo Lyra, no you didn’t! :( Your dad is a terrible parent and killed him, that’s not your fault!

“Maybe this is how I let you down” - Well done, Asriel and Marisa, you’ve fucked up a perfectly fine child is what you’ve done

Will telling Lyra that she hasn’t let him down :3

That witch turning up because she was trying to warn Marisa about the spectres, only for Marisa to torture and kill her... oof

FUCKING MONKEY I CAN’T DECIDE HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM

“She’s MY daughter” - Okay, damn, lady...

“EVE. She’s the mother of all” - OH FUCK YOU TOLD HER. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

THE SPECTRE ATE HER DÆMON OMG NO THIS IS HORRIFYING WTAF

Seriously, the way the witch went so grey and lifeless and just fell to her knees and down... Urgh, my stomach is turning

Just when I thought I hated the monkey again, he starts whimpering because he’s afraid of the Spectres :(

“Stop whimpering” - DAMN MARISA YOU ARE A STONE COLD BITCH HUH

Pan being the damn voice of reason and telling Lyra they should stay with the witches like yes, Lyra, listen to him for once!!!

Okay but why are the Magisterium soldiers lowkey dressed like German soldiers from one of the World Wars???

I’m not really surprised that BBC left out the detail of Ruta and Asriel fucking when she found him to be honest XD

So the witches think that the Æsahættr is a person but it’s actually the KNIFE. AND THEY DON’T REALIZE. RUTA YOU DON’T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE, IT’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE

“...That’s not my dæmon.” “Run.” - OH SHIT OKAY MY WHOLE BODY JUST TENSED UP

So umm Lee got shot and FUCK NO FUCK NO I’M NOT READY FOR THIS EMOTIONALLY THANKS

I LITERALLY DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN OKAY

“You’re either with me or against me” Umm he’s your dæmon?!?!

THE WAY SHE SCREAMED AT HIM OH MY GOD SHE’S FUCKING TERRIFYING HOLY CRAP

“What are you frightened of?” - oh, I don’t know, Marisa, maybe because YOU FUCKING SCREECHED AT HIM. MAYBE HE’S FRIGHTENED OF YOU

Also I love the detail of Marisa getting onto her hands and knees, sort of crouching and mirroring the monkey’s body language. I just love the parallel

The way the monkey flinched from her when she went to touch him omg :( No dæmon should be THIS afraid of their person (or at all?!?!)

Honestly, I find this series’ portrayal of Marisa fascinating tbh

“We have to do whatever it takes to keep her safe” - Umm, like maybe drugging her and hiding her in a cave for months? 🤔

Also in case I didn’t say this before, the fact she has complete control of the Spectres is fucking scary and always has been from the very first time I read the books

Okay so Lee is fully aware that he’s going to die if he stays behind but he does it because he knows that it’s the best chance of making sure that Lyra ends up under the knife’s protection (because Jopari will find her). All Lee wants is for Lyra to be safe and that hurts my heart so much, he loves this child so much :’(

“I love that little girl like a daughter” - LEE STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY BREAKING AS IT IS

NO NO NO NO I AM NOT AND NEVER WILL BE READY

Oh hey Red PAN-da (sorry I know I keep repeating that joke but honestly LOOK AT HIM)

“Once I change, you’ll stop changing” - OH SHIT. So we’re having THAT conversation then

“What do you think you’ll be?” “A flea I hope” - LMFAO I LOVE IT

“Is it Will that’s changing you?” “I think” - FORESHADOWING FOR AMBER SPYGLASS ANYONE?!

All the meanwhile, while Lee is dying and shit is going down, Ms Mary Malone is just chilling in a cave on a mountain by a waterfall, just reading

I literally struggled to watch Lee’s final scenes. I literally didn’t want to watch it because I cried reading it in the book, and I knew I’d be the same here

The fact that Lee HATES taking away people’s lives but he says “it’s theirs or Lyra’s”... I love him. He loves her so much.

“Think about anything, think about bacon!” - LMFAO I LOVE YOU HESTER YOU ABSOLUTE GEM

THE BULLET CLIPPED HIS SCALP AND I HAD A HEART ATTACK 

“This is my fault, isn’t it?” - NO HESTER NO DON’T YOU DARE BLAME YOURSELF DARLIN’, YOU ARE THE BEST AND WE LOVE YOU AND LEE LOVES YOU

I do this everytime I read the book and I did here even though I know what happens, but I was praying mentally that maybe Serafina would reach Lee in time... just maybe...

I’m really sitting here crying over Hester and Lee on a Sunday night, love that for me

Hester limping :(

“Don’t you go before I do” - FUCK YOU BBC AND PHILIP I’M SOBBING MY EYES OUT

“Oh how far we flew” - STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW I SWEAR-

I literally yelled and cried out “NOOO” when Hester faded away and Lee died. I am so upset even though I KNEW it was coming. I am literally not okay.

Oh god no Will, now is not the time to be walking away from Lyra and that witch 

Also why is that witch asleep on guard?? Come on, love, do better, it’s not like these are the two most important children in all the universes.... 

To be fair to Marisa, I’d feel pretty invincible if I were climbing up a mountain while the Spectres were guarding me/on my side

WILL AND JOHN FINALLY MET AHHHH

“I was told I’d find my father here”  - YEAH AND THAT’S HIM WILL ASDFGHJKL;

I’m low-key disappointed that there’s no brawl between Will and Jopari here. Like they instantly recognize each other and... hmm. I know there has to be changes but still.

“Your mother, Will, where is she?” - Awww. John really didn’t stop loving her :’)

“My son... is the Knife Bearer” - oooooohhhhhhh

“You have a dæmon” - that’s right, Will. Don’t worry, you’ll get one next season

The way I audible went “oh shIT” when Mrs Coulter found Lyra fast asleep. Like I said, I knew what was going to happen but STILL

I’m not really surprised that those Spectres killed the witch who was supposed to be guarding Lyra and Will tbh like that’s what happens when only ONE witch guards two teenagers and that witch falls asleep

The way that Lyra panicked when she woke up and saw her mother stroking her cheek omg 

Off topic but I’ve only just realized that Jopari has a fucking man-bun LMFAO OKAY

The fact that Jopari tried to get back to Will and Elaine but couldn’t will always hurt me

“And you chose these people over your family?” - I MEAN-

“I’ve thought about you every day.” - Awww

So John tells Will that he has to go to Asriel and bring him the knife, and he tells him all about the war that’s coming and I have LITERAL chills because I’m so ready

“And then we go home?” “... And then we go home.” - RIP MY HEART OUT, IT WOULD HURT LESS

“I’m not strong enough” - yes you are, Will! I promise you, you are! And Jopari says, “Both of us were brought here” - exactly! You were brought there for a reason by fate or whatever you want to call it!

“Your duty was to be my father” - WILL REALLY CAME FOR HIS DAD LIKE THAT I GUESS

“Look what you’ve become without me” - Oh my god, just when I thought I wasn’t going to cry again

JOPARI HUGGING WILL, SEEING THE SOLDIER AIMING, AND THEN PUTTING HIMSELF BETWEEN THEM SO HE TOOK THE BULLET INSTEAD OF WILL ASDFGHJKL;

So in the book, Jopari is killed by a scorned witch who had once asked him to be her lover, but he had turned her down (because of Elaine and Will obviously), and she kills Jopari in front of Will and then he kills her (I think?). But here it’s just a soldier leftover from the Lee vs Magisterium fight, so... yeah. Kind of a little peeved about the change personally but whatever I guess.

“The night is full of angels, they will guide you now” - AHHHHH

Also, might just be me, but maybe that line would have been slightly more impactful if the scene had taken place at night

This show really said “fuck healthy parental figures” I guess

Except Will’s mum, she’s the best and if anything were to happen to her we’d all riot

SAYAN KÖTÖR FADING AWAY NOOOO I HATE SEEING DÆMONS DIE

Okay, last little gripe, but I just wanted to say that in the book, Will doesn’t realize it’s his dad until literally the last second before his dad dies - like they both realize and then BAM, Jopari is killed. And while I do love the father-son reunion, I am kind of annoyed by the change because it was such a huge punch in the gut in the book that Will searches for so long for his dad, only to lose him the second he finds him.

Serafina finding Lee’s body and kissing his forehead was yet another punch in the gut, thanks Pullman/BBC/BadWolf

The fact that Will had to bury his dad :(

Also, WILL WEARING JOPARI’S JACKET OH MY GOD MY HEART

Oof that shot of his amputated fingers...

So the narration, when it started I thought it was Jopari at first, like from one of his letters... but then as it continued, I went “hang on”, and then I said outloud “wait, is that ASRIEL?!”

DID MARISA REALLY PUT LYRA IN A FUCKING TRUNK?!? BITCH ARE YOU OKAY?!?

Will putting his hood up like his dad did just hits differently

Okay so um ASRIEL HI I WASN’T EXPECTING TO SEE YOU THIS SEASON OH MY GOD THE SCREAM I LET OUT

HIS MONOLOGUE BY THE WAY IS FUCKING ART AND A MASTERPIECE BUT I WAS TOO BUSY CRYING OVER JAMES MCAVOY TO WRITE THE WHOLE MONOLOGUE DOWN

Oh, hi Stelmaria!

It always makes me scream that this man is not only Lord Asriel now but he’s also fucking Mr Tumnus and MOTHERFUCKING BILL DENBROUGH LIKE HOW IS THIS MAN INVOLVED IN SO MANY OF MY FANDOMS?!?

ANGELS ANGELS OH MY FUCKING GOD-

“We stand with you, Asriel Belacqua” - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“Let us prepare for war” - FUUUUUUUUCK

(I was deadly serious when I said this was just me screaming and crying by the way)

I’m still reeling over the fact that Marisa put her daughter in a fucking trunk. Like I get you can’t exactly carry a drugged child about in the open but Jesus Christ, love, really?!?

Also Ruth Wilson / Marisa Coulter in a headscarf? *chef kiss*

The way that the screen went to black as she put the lid on the trunk down - SHIT OH SHIT GOOSEBUMPS

THE CREDIT SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE IT HAS FUCKING ANGELS NOW I’M-

I WASN’T EXPECTING THE POST CREDITS SCENE OH MY GOD

ROGER?! ROGER! IT’S ROGER I’M NOT OKAY-

BBC YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THAT ON US LIKE THAT FUCK-

“What is this place?” - I’M SCREAMING SO LOUD I CAN’T HOLD IT IN

For anyone unaware, the reason I’m screaming so loud over the post-credits scene is because in TAS, while Lyra is drugged and in a groggy sleep, she has these visions of Roger talking to her from the Land of the Dead, which then later leads to her and Will actually GOING to the Land of the Dead and... well, the rest is even HUGER spoilers but YEAH I’M NOT OKAY.

Honestly, I’m just so happy and emotional because I’ve been waiting over a decade for a decent adaptation of not only NL but for TSK and TAS too, and we’re 2/3 there now. Just one more book/series to go... I wish we could have it now. I really hope that filming for the final one starts ASAP because if we have to wait two years just to see the conclusion to this series, I might cry.

This series is so amazing, and this season especially has been so incredible to watch. It’s been the highlight of my week for seven weeks, and I have no idea what I’ll do with my Sundays now that it’s over. I’ve asked for the DVD for S2 for my birthday already (since it comes out 29th December and my birthday is 13th January... just saying), and words can’t describe how much I do love this series. I know it sounds hollow since I say it about so many things I’m into, but this was such a huge part of my childhood and it’s one of my favourite fantasy series of all time. It’s truly one of the most incredible pieces of literature and now it’s making for incredible television... I love it so much.

[childish-ish]

my mom wont let me get anymore monster :\

pairing: billy lenz x reader

aha, part two of that last one. also im not very good at part 2s if you can't already tell, anywas for uhhhhh @walt25​ this is for u chief

also sorry again if i butchered his fucking uhh personality, its how i now write him lmfao,,, him talking in fucking..... 3rd pov hehe.

requests open....,,,, pleaase,,,,, request a slasher... ... 

also michael x reader and jason x reader fics coming soon lmfao.

You had to be an absolute fucking idiot to not notice the signs.

I mean - you didn't notice it at first, because you are an absolute fucking idiot - but then you actually saw something - someone, rummaging around in the fridge.

Like any normal - sane person would, you quickly retreat to your room after seeing an unknown man in the kitchen. An actual man with frizzy untamed hair and all-black clothing, save for a dark green sweater. Did he even have shoes on? You didn't really care enough to actually stay and analyze the man.

Again, like any normal, sane person would do, you call the police. You didn't recognize the large body to be anybody of Kappa-Sig, so you immediately dialed the number of emergency - ahaha, just kidding!! You aren’t a fucking normal and sane person! What you do is actually get a camera and step out of your room.

Stepping down the stairs quietly in your socked feet - avoiding the creaky stairs.

Ah, but alas. Once you peek into the kitchen, the male was gone. You drop your camera - screeching in pain as the fucking thing lads on your goddamned foot. "FUCK!" You cried out, crouching and dropping to sit on your bottom.

The other girls were at school that day - some had free periods and doing whatever. You skipped. Knowing you would have to pay something to someone for skipping a singular day.

Later that same day - The Moaner called, shortly after you falling on your ass. You immediately crawled towards the front door and picked up the phone.

The conversation went something like this;

"what did you do to the baby, billy?"

"yeah what'd you do to the fucking baby, billy."

"where's anges, billy..?"

"ayo, wheres anges?! WHO THE FUCK IS ANGES??? you been cheating on me billy?? oh wait if you're mocking a voice of one of your parents - maybe even a babysitter or guardian. then.. anges is your sister. or friend?? dude o-m-g what im like, a detective doin' some detective work n' shit."

"y/n.. where's billy?" he asked in that wailing.. high-pitched voice.

"oh shit, you know my name? ion know bro.. wheres billy? wheres billy..?!" You repeat.

"billy knows what you did last night..." He spits into the phone. "pretty pink cunt. pretty cunt. pretty pretty pretty pretty..."

Anyways. You had called him a little bitch and he hung up. You guess if Billy really did know what you did, he would've had to be there to see it. Somewhere. LATER THAT DAY - Present time.

You had a little alone time despite being alone the entire day. you catch my drift?

You cleaned yourself up and had disposed of the towel you placed under yourself, not wanting to dirty or piss accidentally on your bed.

Soon, you were drawing on the floor, fucking around with waterpaints - when the goddamned phone rang. A string of curses fall from your lips.

As you took a single step outside your room, the ringing stopped for one moment, before starting up again.

Quickly, you step out fully and jogged down the hallway. Peering down the stairs to see a - well. That figure from earlier - from the kitchen. You take two steps down the stairs.

"AYO?" You shout, immediately putting up your defences. "you know, ive read about this somewhere." You narrow your eyes, squinting at the male.

"ayo - ayo chill." You take a stumbling step backwards as he twitched, falling onto your ass, your ankle rolling. You curse before peeking up -

"Oh FUCK - oh FUCK??" You realize, he was halfway up the stairs. Oh my fucking god, where were the goddamned other girls. School still? What time was it? Fuck you don't know.

"Billy.. Billy likes you. Billy likes pretty piggy. Pretty p - piggy cunt." He spits out the last letter.

"You know what Billy. I like you too. You're pretty chill." You let him come closer, dominate hand clenched in a fist by your side. You let him take a few steps closer. The deranged male looms over you. His peach.. sickly yellow skin. Crazy brown eyes peer into your own.

"billy knows what you're doing. billy doesn't like it."

You sweat under the pressure. "What the fuck - ?" You let the curse slip past by your lips as the male falls onto you. You scream in surprise as the male practically dry humps against your hips slowly.

Pushing him away, you hear the front door open.

"Y/n!" You recognize the voice as Barb. The male glares angrily into your eyes, a warning for something, then scrambled off you and quietly scuttles down the hallway. You wonder where he goes.

"Dude!" You shout out from the floor, before pushing yourself up. "Holy shit you would not believe what happened - " You pause immediately. You were sure he could hear you. You change the subject.

"Bro nevermind i’m going to sleep again don’t fucking bother me!"

"I'll tell the other girls then!" Barb called back. You see her wave lazily before she leaves your line of view.

You scrambled down the hallway, to your room.

Where this little goddamned fuck was fucking with your water paints. Once you had entered the room, his attention was solely on your figure.

"OI!" You whisper-shout. His eyebrows jump up in confusion. "Stop fucking with that!"

Billy leaps away, onto your bed. He bounces for a few moments before you drag your attention back to your paints. You immediately began to clean up.

Once finished, you turn your bitch-ass attention to little Billy.

“Billy. How’d you get in the house fool? Oh wait, if you were actually forreal rummaging through out fucking fridge then.. do you live here?”

“billy’s been here forever. billy doesn’t like sharing his house. billy likes you.”

“damn lmao. thanks chief. anyways don’t kill me or ill fucking fuck you over from the other side.”

“billy likes pretty piggy.” he said ferociously.

“cool. anyways,”

you begin to ramble on to the male, asking him questions here and there about why he was there and why the fuck didn’t he kill you, you got the same answers as before, going on and on as you lie next to the seated, criss-crossed legged male, an arm behind your head as you tell him about your favorite shit to do and such.

Soon, it was okay. Billy was chill enough to actually not kill you, he told you in broken words that he lived there like he fucking said before but you don’t listen lmfao, he had hung around you alot when you had gotten home from your classes, sometimes waking up to the male besides you when you wake - you had caught him watching you shower, and offered him a shower as well. With no hesitation, he stripped and hopped it, immediately groping your body as his tongue licked upon the skin on your neck. It was a weird - sexual yet friendly relationship. You literally had no idea where this was gonna go,

[bellamyblake]

hello dear iva!! i’ll ask this bc i actually watched the last ep lol so - how would you like each of the reunions/talks between bellamy and the 3 women to go in episode 12? (and just so you know your day sounded wonderfully productive i really hope the distractions have been working 💓)

Hey, Zahraa!!!

Well actually that for me is a very tough question cause I think it can go in so many different directions and it will, whenever he tries to explain his stance and why he believed this *faith* of sorts.

I think personally E/cho just won’t get it considering the fact that she did so many things in the name of his death, as revenge so I’m not sure how they can ever get on any page there (not that they ever were)

With O I can see a similar scenario to season 3 with Pike, especially judging from the promo. 

And I think...people will miss a point here because in her letter to Bellamy in 7x02 she says-there was a darkness in me, Diyoza helped me pass that darkness meaning she wasn’t alone-she created this small family and she overcame the pain and the darkness in her thanks to Diyoza who started helping her get out of that awful place she was in back last season (so technically a two season ark where O gets to this amazing redemption story line)

Whilst Bellamy never actually had that you know? I mean he had a sort of family on the Ring but I don’t think any of them understood the darkness inside him, the darkness Octavia talks about, in any way. In fact I think the only person who ever did was Clarke which is why they have that special relationship.

So was he stuck with anyone else and not Doucette, someone who had similar experiences to him like Diyoza did with O, I think he’d have the same come out of this place as his sister did.

But he didn’t. He ended up stuck with a religious fanatic who offered him the one thing he desires the most-

peace.

So I think with O it’d go like-you’re doing the wrong thing because they know the truth about this faith especially Gabriel whose talk with Cadogan in 7x10 was there for the sole purpose to show us that yes-this man is selfish and he needs to get to this place out of his own selfishness and greed but he can’t do it alone so he brainwashes people into having an army and he feels no regrets. 

But he promises them love for all and PEACE and honestly out of all the characters I could ever only see Bellamy fall for that.

Also-why is that the only logical turnout of the events you’d ask? 

Clarke wouldn’t go there, people say, she wouldn’t fall for this cult bs. 

True and I’ll tell you why she wouldn’t. 

Clarke, still to this day, after L’s death, has a certain sense of having to sacrifice herself for the greater good and not thinking twice about it.

She took on that whole-the leader dies-mentality and never let go of it and in fact it only intensified after L’s death, actually...it was NEVER there before that.

Clarke can let herself die, she’ll actually go into death willingly if it means saving the people she loves, saving who she cares about and in fact she carries this fate that she’s one day going to die just because of who and how she is, like a shroud herself (which again imo only happened after season 3 but that’s a whole other meta). 

Clarke we know can be driven to suicide like she was in 5x01 when she was alone in the desert. Clarke can sacrifice herself like she said ONCE AGAIN in the last episode when she wanted to let them go back to sanctum and stay behind. 

it’s a repeating theme for her-I die, I can die, I can sacrifice myself and die for you all.

But for Bellamy and the Blakes as a whole, this is different because both of them were raised not to give up, never to give up, against all odds, against all enemies-they survive. 

Aurora taught them that-there are no weak exists. You can’t kill yourself, you can’t and shouldn’t give up. 

You fight until all doors are closed and when they’re closed you make a hole in the floor and raise a kid there.

Also dysfunctional of course but those were the circumstances. 

And anyway my point is they’re not easy to give up and give into death, we saw O willing to die when she couldn’t stand who she was in season 5 much like Bellamy did in season 1 episode 8 but in fact I very much believe Bellamy as much as he thinks he deserves it, is afraid of dying (he even says I am afraid when he jumps in the Anomaly which was another proof for me that yes he’ll take it, he knows he deserves to die, but he’s afraid of it and that was first manifested in 1x10 when he was sick and he thinks he’ll die and he tells O-I’m scared, O.)

But whilst O found a way out of the darkness with the help of Diyoza, Bellamy found a way out of the darkness when he was mentally and physically exhausted and gave himself up to simply the arms of PEACE and REST. 

He wants to stop the war waging inside him. He wants to love everyone and not have to kill others to protect his people. 

That does not mean he does not LOVE his people still, in fact I think not many people saw how his eyes smiled a little when he entered that room even if he didn’t show anything with his face.

So yeah with O I think it’d go like that.

With Clarke I think or like I’d like for him to try and explain and I’d like for them to have an angsty convo ala 3x05 where he says something like-

Aren’t you tired of us always killing someone to save ourselves?

And her being like-Bellamy, this guy’s a fanatic! He doesn’t care about people! He only cares about himself!

And Bellamy saying like-I lied before-we didn’t do better last time in sanctum! Just think about it? We destroyed them! Those people were living peacefully! So what if they believed false gods? So what if they bowed to russel? They were happy! They were healthy!

They were living a lie and so are you right now! I can’t believe just weeks ago you were helping me tell those people the truth and now you’re one of them, choosing to believe a lie!

So yeah that’s what I can see.

Sorry this got so long and meta LMFAO 

[zeitgeistghoul]

Love Without Demand 1/?

Pairing: George Weasley/Reader

Summary: You reconnect with George Weasley at Bill and Fleur's wedding after a few years of not seeing one another. Takes place during the seventh movie/book

(hi i’m definitely neglecting other fics i want to post on here, but i recently rewatched all the HP movies and Weasley twins r hitting different and then wrote this. LMFAO enjoy!!)

read on AO3

A heavy sigh escaped your lips. You stood in front of your floor-length mirror hanging on the back of your bedroom door, wearing a dress you had been so excited to wear just a few months ago. Now, you weren’t even sure you wanted to leave your flat. The Ministry of Magic was threatening to collapse with each passing day and The Dark Lord’s power was growing. Nothing was safe anymore and that terrified you. It didn’t feel right to be getting dressed up like this, evident in the way the zipper on your dress was only pulled up halfway.

You had been invited to Bill and Fleur’s wedding, something that surprised you. You weren’t particularly close to Bill, or the Weasley family for that matter, but you had gotten to know Fleur quite well when Beauxbatons visited Hogwarts three years ago to compete in the Triwizard Tournament. You two hadn’t spoken much since then, so once you had graduated Hogwarts and found a job at the Ministry for yourself, old memories resurfaced upon the inivitation’s arrival. 

It was odd that Bill and Fleur hadn’t decided to cancel the wedding, given recent events. Most days, you half expected an owl to arrive for you, its beak clutching a letter written in Fleur’s neat handwriting informing you that the wedding had been rescheduled or called off all together. No such letter ever arrived, much to your slight dismay.

You studied your reflection in the mirror, debating whether or not you should just toss the dress back in your closet, call out sick, and spend the night on the couch with a cup of hot tea and pore over some files that the Ministry had you take home for review. On the other hand, you had already done your hair and makeup. It would be a shame to waste it, or, at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. 

You sighed again, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles on your dress. Your need to follow through on every commitment and the dark storm cloud that was your anxiety waged a war inside your head as you sat down on your bed. A glance at the clock hanging on your wall signaled you would need to make a decision soon. Guests were to arrive at 4pm and it was nearly 3:45.

You shook your head, as if to clear your racing thoughts from your mind.

Screw it. 

With a sudden burst of energy, you rose from your bed. You reached for your wand that rested on your bedside table and with a swift flicking motion, zipped up the back of your dress. Another flick of your wand opened your closet door and a pair of heels and a small purse floated out and rested atop your comforter. Slipping on the heels and equipping the purse with an extension charm so it could hold your wand and other miscellaneous items, you apparated to the Weasley’s.

***

Your shoes hit the ground with such force, it nearly caused you to stumble over. 

Regaining your balance, you took in your surroundings. You found yourself standing in a field of tall grass that surpassed your head. A small channel of water was to your left and out of pure luck, you had managed not to apparate into it. 

You could hear echoes of cheerful laughter and voices coming straight ahead, so you pushed your way through the grass to find the source. Once you emerged, you felt some of the anxiety release its hold on you. A white tent had been pitched in front of what you assumed to be the Burrow. A woman you recognized as Molly Weasley was milling about in the yard, assigning tasks to anyone in her field of vision. Ron Weasley rolled his eyes as his mother shooed him inside, telling him to go find a way to make himself useful. Arthur Weasley was hiding an amused smile as she did so. He noticed you approaching, offering you a friendly wave.

“Hello, Y/N!” he called, holding out his hand to shake your own once you had gotten closer. You shook his hand firmly, pride swelling in your chest. Arthur Weasley was one of the few members of the Ministry who actually went out of their way to interact with you while on the job. Whenever you passed him in the halls or rode the lift with him, he always said hello and asked how your internship was going. Though you didn’t know him well, you appreciated his genuine kindness.

“Please make yourself at home, but I’d recommend avoiding my wife for the time being. She’ll find you something to do before you can even tell her your name.” You smiled and thanked him, making your way to the entrance of the Burrow. Before you could enter, the front door flew open, revealing a frazzled looking Fleur Delacour.

“Y/N?” she said. Before you could respond, she threw her arms around and hugged you tightly, which you returned.

“It’s been far too long, Y/N!” she said. “I’d begun to think something happened.” 

“Right, um, sorry about that,” you responded, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear sheepishly. “I’ve been busy with my job.” 

“That’s right!” Fleur exclaimed. “Last I’d heard, you’d been assigned a position at the Ministry. You’ll need to tell me all about it.” She slung an arm around your shoulder, guiding you inside. “Come now, you can help me get ready.”

***

Fleur was using Mr. and Mrs. Weasley’s bedroom to get ready. Her dress was hanging in a garment bag on the closet door and an open bag of luggage lay on the ground, its contents spilled out onto the floor. 

“Don’t mind the mess,” Fleur said, taking a seat onto the bed. “My mind is a bit all over the place right now.” 

“Who else is here?” you asked, admiring the many knick knacks and pictures that decorated the bedroom. Several family photos lined the walls, moving images of the Weasley family smiling back at you as they stood with their arms around one another. 

“You’re actually one of the firsts to arrive,” she said. “So far, it’s just my family, the Weasley’s, and Hermione Granger”. Oh, and Harry Potter, of course.” Your anxiety collapsed back onto you again, squeezing at your chest like an iron fist.

“Harry Potter is here?” you asked nervously. You heard his name whispered in the halls of the Ministry week after week and knew he had a target on his back.

“Well, of course,” Fleur said matter-of-factly. “Harry and I competed together, so it made sense to include him. Plus, he saved my little sister.” Fleur looked up at you. “Is something the matter, Y/N?” 

You hesitated. The last thing you wanted to do was dump all your worries and anxieties on Fleur on her wedding day. But, at the same time, you knew this would eat away at you all night.

“Has there been any movement amongst the Dark Lord and his followers?” you asked. Fleur’s face fell, folding her hands into her lap.

“We were ambushed last night while trying to create a distraction,” Fleur responded. “Mad-Eye Moody was killed and one of the Weasley twins lost an ear.”

“I think we’re putting ourselves in serious danger tonight, Fleur.” you said. “I’m terribly anxious. The Dark Lord will tear that boy apart.” Fleur stood from the bed and crossed the room to where you stood by the door. She placed her hands on your shoulders, squeezing gently. 

“That’s all I’ve been thinking about too, we’ll be alright, Y/N,.” she said. “We’ve hired security to monitor the event. Plus, some extremely skilled and powerful witches and wizards will be here tonight. They’ll keep us safe.” You relaxed slightly, taking a deep breath. 

“You’re right,” you said. “Sorry to cause trouble.” Fleur laughed.

“Not at all, now come. I’m about to be married in an hour and I’m not even half ready.”

***

Fleur and Bill’s ceremony had been beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that you had forgotten all about your worries for the time being. Now, you sat at one of the many guest tables,watching with a slight twinge of jealousy as Fleur and Bill danced happily with another, their arms clasped around one another. A crowd of guests had formed a circle around them and clapped along to the music. Your job didn’t allow you much time for romance, so to see Fleur and Bill dancing without a care in the world made you envious. You sipped your second glass of wine for the night, sighing dejectedly.

“Everything alright there, Y/N?” a voice asked, rousing you from your thoughts. You looked up and your eyes met the warm brown ones of a Weasley twin. He was holding his own glass of wine in one hand and the other rested atop a chair in front of him. Bandages wrapped around his forehead to the back of his head, one side pulled down to cover his left ear. 

“I, um, yes,” you stumbled over your words, beginning to panic as you realized you weren’t certain if you were speaking to Fred or George. You had a feeling it was George, but it had been so long since you’d seen either of them, you couldn’t be sure. “I’m speaking to George, correct?” You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. 

“That’s right, I’m George!” George laughed. “I’m surprised you could tell, it’s been a few years, hasn’t it?” He motioned to the chair to your right. “Mind if I join you?” You nodded, pulling the chair out for him to sit. As he did so, you got a better look at his ear. He must have noticed you gawking, because a smile crossed his lips. 

“Looks bloody awful, doesn’t it?” he asked, pointing to the bandages. “Got clipped by a Death Eater.” 

“That’s terrible, George,” you said. “I’m so sorry.” George shrugged, taking a sip from his glass.

“It’s not all bad, I suppose. Better off than being dead and besides, I feel quite saint-like”. You paused, not quite sure what he meant. 

“‘Saint-like?’”

“Yeah, I feel Hole-y. Get it?” You burst into a fit of giggles when the joke registered for you and George’s eyes lit up in delight. 

“Y’know, you’re the first one to find that funny. Mum and Fred didn’t.” 

“In all honesty, George,” you said, stifling another giggle. “I can see why.” George swirled the wine in his glass, taking another sip. 

“Well, a little humor goes a long way, if you ask me. Nowadays, it’s all we’ve got.” 

You both sat in silence for a moment. You had been in a few classes with Fred and George during your time at Hogwarts, but since you had been a Hufflepuff, your interactions with them didn’t reach past the classroom too often. You had always associated the Weasley twins with mischief and rightfully so. You weren’t quite sure how to make conversation.

“How have you been? Since graduating Hogwarts, I mean.” you asked, finally breaking the silence. 

 “Not too bad,” George said. “I own a shop with Fred in Diagon Alley, Harry helped us loads when he invested. Business has been excellent, but seems to have slowed down as of late. I think it’s because people are afraid to leave their homes.”

“What kind of shop do you own?” you asked curiously. George grinned mischievously. 

“A joke shop.” 

How fitting.

“That sounds absolutely perfect for you two.” you said. “I’m glad you’re doing something you love.”

“What about you, then?” George inquired. “Are you doing something you love, too?”

You froze for a moment. You hadn’t really thought about that. 

“I work for the Ministry,” you said, recovering before you could fall into a pit of existential dread about your future. “I’m in the Improper Use of Magic department. I’m just an intern learning the ropes right now, but I’m hoping to work my way up.” 

“Improper Use of Magic department, eh? I’m sure that’s a good time.” George commented. You nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, we’ll receive some interesting cases. They let me read the files sometimes to get an idea of how to document them. We get a lot of instances of underage magic, which I’m sure you’re familiar with.” you added jokingly, nudging George’s arm with your elbow. He held his hands up, as if to feign innocence.

“I’ve never engaged in such trivial matters” he said dramatically. “But to be fair, Umbridge may or may not have had it coming.” You laughed, inwardly grimacing as the memories of Umbridge as Hogwarts’ headmaster came back to you. You never quite looked at the color pink the same way after that.

“She’s...something else.” you concluded. “I see her quite frequently at the Ministry.” George shuddered, as if haunted by her memory. 

“Do you ever see my brother Percy? He dreamed about a Ministry job ever since he was a kid.”

“I saw him on my first day, but I don’t think he recognized me. Although, I see your da-” 

Your words fell upon deaf ears as a blue-ish colored orb suddenly shot into the tent. Silence fell upon wedding guests as they stared in shock at the sudden intrusion, trying to process what was happening. The orb spoke:

The Ministry has fallen.The Minister of Magic is dead. They are coming. 

They are coming. 

Chaos ensued. Guests shrieked and hollered, pushing and rushing past one another to escape. Inky black smoke flew in and out of the tent, igniting the small chandeliers that lit the venue like flamethrowers. The flames licked at the roof of the tent, causing them to spread at an alarming rate. 

Your worst fears about tonight were confirmed: the Death Eaters had come for Harry.

“Y/N!” you heard George shout over the chaos. He stunned a Death Eater trying to attack Ginny from behind. “Y/N, we’ve got to go!” 

You felt George grab your hand and pull you out of the tent. The booms! and cracks! of spells and curses rang in your ears as you let George guide you, feeling the cool night air on your skin. You watched guests flee a wedding that, an hour before, had been filled with so much joy and love.

“Get yourself out of here, it’s too dangerous.” George said once you two had put some moderate distance between the chaos yourselves. 

“No, I’m staying here to fight,” you responded indignantly, pulling your wand out of your purse. “I want to help.” If you were going to conquer your fears and anxiety, now was the time to do it. You marched back towards the tent, despite George pleading you not to.

Stupefy!

“Y/N, watch out!” a voice cried out. The spell hit you with such force, it felt like you had been hit by a bus. You fell to the grass, collapsing onto your side. You watched as a plume of black smoke shot up into the sky, your vision growing dark. The last thing you saw before you passed out was Mr. Weasley and George running towards you.

Then, everything went black.

[sixmorningsafter]

An Apology Letter, SMA Love Letter, & Gabi Appreciation Letter

Let me begin this review by apologizing. Not just for waiting almost a year to review this insanely awesome chapter (don’t even tell me I don’t have to; I’ll drive up state just to take you by the shoulders and shake you and that silly thought out of your head; it is an honor and privilege to tell you how awesome you are!), but also for the tone of this review feeling so haggard. 2018 was, as Damon told Kai, “not a good look”, and I feel like it’s digested all the gall and sass and shit-starting energy I usually dole out for these reviews, so here I am, a regurgitation, still holding to the fact that you’re a fabulous writer who deserves all the praise I can possibly muster for your efforts. Despite having a life (or not, considering, ya know, med school), you still post on this page; you’re clearly still carrying the headcanons and the plot and the characters with you. I know the feeling of having the desire to write but feeling too tired, physically and emotionally, or disinterested or unmotivated, or whatever so I can’t even sit in your inbox like “hey love sma! You write soooo good. You’re awesome! and uh when are you gonna update?” Of course, I’d love an update, but I also know you. You want to put out your best work, what you’re at least 95% proud of, and it’s so obvious in Chapter 17.

Side note: I reread Chapter 16 and my review to give myself context and bolster some pizazz just for you.

REPLY: Let me begin my response to this review by apologizing for MY TEARS. Cass, you’re just an absolute light in this bitchy eclipse of a world and your ridiculous kindness radiates off every sassy, stubborn, talented, vulnerable, open-hearted part of you and I’m so, so happy I get to call you a friend. The fact that you took the time to write all of this despite your ridiculously busy, full, grad student, WEDDING-PLANNING (at the time) life, largely because you knew it’d put an idiotic smile on my face? You’re just a gem of a human being. I don’t know what else to say. I’m trying to keep my responses as succinct as possible because I’m so eager to post this and share your insights and writing with everyone else, partly because they always make me and my dumb writing look smarter than it actually is, but mostly because it’s a crime to keep it from the world. Anyway, onward and upward:

Bamon + Kai + the Pig Cadaver

To remind the audience, Bamon had a pretty petty and deep-cutting fight last chapter; Damon got over himself, with the help of Kai (kinda), and now Bamon are on better terms. That being said, these two dumbies are so… nerve-wrackingly good at detaching themselves from conflict. Like, I feel like Steroline would have put up walls and ruminated hard on something as harsh as Damon’s mention of Bonnie’s shitty life, but Bamon are King and Queen of sweeping the bad shit under the rug.

REPLY: I think it’s so cool that you point that out because it made me realize that’s one of my favorite things about writing Bonnie and Damon: they’re ability to both deliver and take hits. They’ve both gone through some really dark, messed up stuff - the kind of stuff people with more traditional upbringings tend to tiptoe around because they don’t know how to talk about it - so it’s almost like to be accepted in their entirety, they need to be around people who are unafraid of that stuff. Unafraid to go there. Unafraid to bring it up, unafraid to cross lines sometimes, unafraid to make jokes about messed up experiences and accept them about each other without flinching. I think they can recover quickly from those kind of blows from each other because in a weird way, at least they’re being acknowledged. At least someone’s talking about it without getting that wincing, deer-in-the-headlights look and acting like it’s a forbidden topic. Obviously in the last chapter, Damon took it too far and was trying to actively alienate her with his comments, but in general I really enjoy writing their budding sense of familiarity with each other. Anyway, good thing I’m being succinct right the review hasn’t even really started GOOD LORD.

Damon jolting Bonnie like she’s being electrocuted is so unbearably cute to me. So domestic. So friendly but also playful but also coupley… I’m dead.

“Wow, you’re really going full nerd.”/”Oh… you sweet summer child, you haven’t even begun to see full nerd.” In my previous review, I (demanded) mentioned wanting more nerd!Bonnie, and you delivered. What an honor, truly.

“It was like he’d [Kai] never left, except now he was surrounded by a bunch of wires and a mini Tesla coil.” I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but I think it’s so funny and silly that you embedded some serious sci-fi shit in this romcom fic. Like, we’re really out here, considering is Kai an alien? Can Kai really teleport or “dissolve in and out of the time-space continuum as he pleases”? He’s not just creepy or socially inept. He’s also fucking extraterrestrial.

lmfao in chapter 16 or 15 or whichever it was where they explored Kai’s apartment while he went swan-hunting, I had to make a choice about whether to keep things semi-realistic or just go balls-to-the-wall cray re: Kai and I think we all know which route I decided to take 😂

“Still, it was a surprisingly appealing thought, the idea of having some kind of effect on him.”/ “Snagging the unsnaggable.”/ “Ruffling the unruffable.” We out here, making up words and shit; my Word doc spell-check is having a field day. But her observation about having dealt with guarded people kind of relates to what I was tryna say earlier on: both Damon and herself are very guarded, and her ability to see that nothing truly sticks to him is reflective of that same for her.

“It was like he was coated in oil, like his entire personality was adapted to glide through life without ever catching on anything around him.” / “Even the good things.” Talk about knife to the gut (why yes, this is a reference to the future Steroline conversation, which I am using to demonstrate how fucking enamored I am by this understanding of Damon’s character). I feel like Damon started as the kid thinking “if things are good, then something bad is gonna happen” to “good? bad? what are those and, more importantly, who fucking cares?”

Just another day of Cass making me feel like a far better writer than I am because she always gets exactly what I’m going for and then explains it better than I do. That’s precisely his trajectory, man. He went from a kid with no control of his own life, constantly bracing for impact, to a kid who realized nothing can control if you don’t give a fuck. If good things don’t make you happy and bad things don’t make you sad, you’re always at equilibrium. You’re always at a steady-state. And most importantly, you’re at a steady-state that no outside factor controls.

“Maybe the oil coat went more than skin-deep.” Foreshadowing! I like this conversation a lot though. Insight about Bonnie’s past (another gracious gift promised last review, thank you SMA goddess for such a blessing) and her PTSD and embarrassment about the shit show that is her parents.

Bonnie’s “I wish I could turn it off like that.” Speaking of shit shows, nice nod to canon.

😂😂😂

“Was that—vulnerability?” Yes baby, revel in it! Idk if you did this on purpose, but it’s like Damon is leaning into his previous realization of her cracking his “varnish” (just realizing his description of a glossy seal is an almost visual parallel to Bonnie’s description of him being slick with oil (I’m thinking like petroleum)… anyways). Like, “she’s already seen me lose my fucking mind in the cellar, being a little vulnerable about it won’t hurt, right?” I mean, yes, but also, Bonnie is a shit-starter too, babe.

“Were those—emotions?” / “I hate knowing you.” / “Are you okay? Do you need some water?” and later paired with “How does it feel to be a human being?” / “Stupid.” / “That means you’re doing it right.”

You know how I feel about Kai’s “Friends!” He is so weird, and I love it, but I’m also afraid that I love it. Thanks!

Yeeeesssss, I wanted to show him slowly starting to adjust to the fact that she’s seen things. Him.  And you know what, here they are anyway. The world’s still spinning. She’s still being her weirdo competitive self. So maybe it’s not the worst thing to have (albeit accidentally) let someone in a little. A big motivation for me re: Bamon in this chapter was getting them to the point where they eased into being comfortable sharing things with each other. Not everything, obviously, but way more than they share with the average person. Kind of like a ‘well we’re stuck in this ridiculous situation and we’re unexpectedly more alike than we think so maybe we just lean in a little’. So I’m really glad that’s what you got out of this, WOOT.

Kai’s everyone’s friendly neighborhood son/serial killer and I think it’s best to just let yourself adore him and hope for a minimal body count. 

The Matt Talk

I think I already told you I was so emotionally distraught this chapter. If you’re new to SMA, hi I’m Cassandra and I’m always an emotional mess when it comes to Gabi’s writing. But, this was some next level shit. You’ve said so many times you’re worried about how these emotional scenes go, but like fuck dude. You went hard, and it was so difficult for me not to be actually crying. Idk, I’ve never been in Caroline’s situation or known anyone to go through this, but the whole injustice of it, you know? The possibility that any woman could be going through this or has gone through this. I’m not belittling the men who have been abused in their relationships, of course. What I am saying is if I am taking this personally, having never experienced it, but as a female, knowing this could very well happen, that means your writing is fucking spot on.

Full-disclosure, your entire breakdown of this scene is just the most beyond fantastic thing that I don’t even want to break it up with shitty responses. I’m pretty sure reading your insights about it affected me more than the entire multi-week process of actually writing it, so idk how you did that but here we are. For the millionth time, your responses are the only reason I think maybe all my fumbling and exasperated editing is somehow producing something half-okay. I’m dying whale noises. Bye.

Setting the scene up with Steroline in the tub, for being their poetic selves tryna be symmetrical in their emotional moments and emphasizing how thick the silence around them is… oof dude. I know you have that “movie” mentality when you write, and idk how you fucking do it, but it definitely translates. Idk if you’ve ever been in a moment like this, where you need to say something of Importance to someone of Importance, but your voice has just gone on vacation for a minute, and you’re sitting there with an empty tongue, and, in my experience, the person tries to prompt you about what you’re trying to say, but I’ve been in moments like this. So, this set up was so poignant for me. Luckily, she’s talking to Stefan, the boy who listens to even Rebekah earnestly and wholeheartedly.

Caroline’s Gazania daisies metaphor: shit breaks my heart. How long did she think about this? The metaphor is like… a detachment. Like, how light bends in water. Her story is the light, the flower metaphor is the water, allowing the story to refract, to be that much more removed from the reality.

“A flicker of intimacy based not on things they’d experienced together, but rather things they’d experienced apart.” I think it loops back to Bamon too, whether neither are eloquent enough to make that seamless connection. I think that should be the tag line of each ship; these very different people are tied to one another by feeling what they’ve felt and relating it back to what the other(s) has (have) felt.

I think you’ve very skillfully woven canon and SMA for Matt’s story. TVD made him the human golden boy, and SMA has him resentful and dark… and it just goes to show how environment can really shape a character’s outcome. tvd!Matt saw the supernatural as the reason his life was so shitty and suddenly had a purpose; sma!Matt didn’t have that scapegoat, so without rhyme or reason for his shitty circumstance, he fabricated that it was somehow Caroline.

Fucker.

“Senior year was kind of a train wreck” to “We were still okay, though. Still us.” Rereading this part made me seriously think of like… a slingshot. Like, all of this is just leading up to the snap and the release of Matt’s true colors. And how devastatingly it was that Caroline didn’t know, honestly couldn’t know, that it was going to happen.

Shit like Matt being mad at Caroline for proudly blurting out she got accepted into NYU when Vicky had just OD’ed is so fucked up to me. To be actually mad about it. Bro, stay mad about it. But that’s the point, isn’t it? That this was the final straw for him, the last thing to tip him into batshit abusive fuck mode.

As a therapist, I could easily say, he is clearly shaped by his circumstances, he didn’t have enough support or self-esteem to fully develop the core values and strengths that he needed to not become this abusive piece of shit, that there might be some self-awareness by the way he tries to remedy a bad fight with a great breakfast (or a learned behavior to get approval again). Even if I do consider those things, irl and even with Matt, it’s in no way condonable, and I don’t think I could ever be able move from this point of view.

“She’d lived like that for months, a blur of turtlenecks and concealer, of overbright smiles and obsessive thoughts, of guilt and blame and normalizing the abnormal, of questioning if what she thought was happening was actually happening.” / “Could actually be happening.” Just reading this summarizes all the females who are in relationships like this, who question whether their partners’ could actually be raping them… ugh. It breaks my heart even now, writing this review.

(Honestly, I had to step away and resume the next day)

Caroline’s comeback: “He was staring at the old Caroline. The one he hadn’t broken in. The one that ran on gall and instincts, that didn’t dim herself for anyone, that’d jump in front of a bus for the people she loved… She’d grown back into her skin. Unshrunken till she was towering over him, a bright, brilliant light staring down at a meager lick of flames.” This whole bit was so good, so relieving, so satisfying. I know what Matt did still haunts her, but Caroline coming back and reclaiming who she is, even to present time, is so, so satisfying.

“Let’s be real, though, Bonnie could probably beat us both up.” / “Definitely.” – these were my thoughts when Caroline was defending her lol.

The Universe Speech: ilysm but also fuck you for being so good at this lol. I am so mad at how good you are at this, and you’re kinda like shruggy shoulders, I’m-just-trying-my-best. Get your humble ass out of here. “I think you’re a universe. I think you’re full of suns—and comets and black holes and everything in between. And when one sun burns out, you’ll just flare into a million more, unapologetic and infinite, because nothing… not pain, not heartbreak, not even the entire exec board of Emory apparently, can stop a universe from expanding.”

And Caroline immediately clicking with the metaphor? (rewriting her Gazania metaphor story I hope) And she runs with it like, “It couldn’t help but make her feel like maybe she hadn’t lost anything. /  Maybe she’d just outgrown it.” and “An infinite, chaotic expanse of dazzling light and annihilating dark… capable of anything but responsible for nothing outside of stretching out toward an invisible horizon fiercely, constantly, even in the face of billions of years of gravity pulling her back”. THIS IS MY SHIT DUDE. First off, this visual representation of a person is so beautiful and inspiring and so full of grace and forgiving, you know what I mean? It just shouts volumes to how okay it is to fail sometimes or to feel Feelings, and how it shouldn’t and couldn’t be used against her. It’s literally the expanded and improved version of “reach for the stars” – more like be the universe, among the stars, and reach for the unknown. BIG OOF.

“I can’t possibly follow that up with my dumb Elena drama” / “Hey, not a competition.” – someone recently quoted someone else to me, saying It’s not the suffering Olympics, and it’s resonated with me so hard, dude.

Steroline throwing back things the others have said, Stefan’s “Whatever nice thing you feel like you have to say, it’s okay” and Caroline’s “You can’t escape me! / I’m unapologetic and infinite!”

I don’t remember if its this chapter or last, but Stefan indulging in Caroline’s playful side, and Caroline recognizing Stefan’s sassypants is by far my favorite Steroline Thing ™ in this story. Parallelly, Bonnie’s Damon-ain’t-shit attitude, and Damon’s she’s-more-than-I-anticipated revelation is my favorite Bamon Thing ™.

I am overwhelm-sion. 

I am aegoifhjaeoeagidhy.

That scene took me weeks of editing to get in a remotely publishable place and even then I was like WELP SURE HOPE THIS ISN’T OFFENSIVE FLAMING GARBAGE LOL ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT *POST* so. Needless to say. This response means el mundo. I am in full turtle.

But real quick, exiting emotional turtle stance to say that I feel like you and I have always been super in sync about liking writing that celebrates messiness and imperfections and humanity in all it’s mistake-ridden earnestness so I’m not surprised you liked the universe metaphor as much as I did. Fuck suns and their one-dimensional asses. We stan universes in this bitch. Asteroids. Supernovas. Blow some things up. Crash into some planets. Sink into some really deep darknesses. It’s okay. There will always be bright, brilliant stars all around you, too. 

Bamon, Kai, Bonnie’s Feral Sweet Tooth, and The Food Fight

Speak of the devil: “She shook her head, lips curling into a droll ‘get over yourself’ of a smile, and for some reason, something about the look stuck out to him a bit.” AND, MY FAV: “For some reason, he liked it.” YES YES YES YES.

He’s hopeless.

The “Love It” arc (why yes I did use that word very specifically to refer to the sassy snap). On a tangent, Kai on Twitter, Kai on Pinterest… for an alien, he’s very adaptive.

He’s got his entire home planet hooked on snapchat. 

Oh, here it is again: “Now that he knew what a genuine fucking weirdo she was, he was a little curious about what she’d actually been thinking.” I know fluffy moments such as Never Have I Ever (before shit hit the fan) are most likely over, but if they were to return, I suggest Truth or Dare, and Damon asks Bonnie what she thought of him when he’d met Caroline (and her) at that club. Listen, both Damon and I want to know. I’m not saying make it happen, but I am.

There’s another dinner coming for their last snowed in night because I’m nothing if not repetitive and I think Truth or Dare is a trope I can definitely work in. I mean, I wouldn’t want it to feel left out given that I’ve used every other fanfic trope known to mankind.

“Wow!” Bonnie exclaimed, leaning forward to peer at the uncanny cake topper with a bewildered look. He even got her one earring right. – I’m cryinggg

He’s special.

“Can we just… go through what all of these heavenly things are, because I may look calm, but I’m actually losing my mind.”

“Absofruitely!” This is a mine of just so many fucking gems.

Kai Knowing: I feel like he’s just a mind-reader, because he already stated he can’t read people very well. But I absolutely love how both Bonnie and Damon are like, oh yeah totally super in love you betcha bud, and Kai’s like, I see it for realsies this time. Bamon 4 Eva bb. Love at first bicker, honestly.

lolololol I just loved the idea that their growing connection was so goddamn obvious that even the self-declared Worst Person Reader Ever was like ‘wowza so this is love huh?’

The Food Fight. I love the “She was glaring at him, eyelashes coated in frosting” line so much. It’s both cute and endearing, and the fact that Damon is paying that close attention.

“Cupcake Quidditch seems kind of fun.”

“It’s stupid dangerous, not to mention a giant waste of food.” Lol Bonnie.

Bonnie being on the shooting team—and Damon also being good at shooting. AU of an AU where SMA Bamon are spies or assassins (Mr. & Mrs. Smith). But only sma bamon. Fuck canon.

We don’t know her.

But also yes to this AU. @coraxes​ once wrote this awesome drabble where Bonnie and Damon met as teenagers and because of it I’ve always wanted to do some alternate timeline where they grew up in the same city, weaving in and out of the same seedy social circle as teens, flickering in and out of the periphery of each other’s lives, but always having this strange tension whenever their paths happened to cross, you know? Just these rare, vaguely loaded interactions where they both saw glimpses of the fact that the other was smarter than this, better than this, you know? That they both were. The point of this all being that I could imagine them both showing off whatever it is they know about guns, lololol. 

“It’s not very captain-y to bathe in the blood of my enemies either but hell if that’s going to stop me.”

She’s also special.

“Temporary timeout” leading to the “Truce” leading to “she suddenly hit him with the look, like Bambi and Tiny Tim and sixteen puppies and every Pixar character ever created had been thrown into one of those face-combining apps” which ultimately leads to Damon’s “fine” and his absolute bewilderment “He just blinked in confusion, unsure of what the hell had just happened.”

From “he held out his [launcher] and she stared at it for a beat before grudgingly taking it” to “in the split-second before she spoke, he suddenly knew exactly what was about to happen” STRAIGHT UP, UNFILTERED GOLD. Like, there’s no other explanation, really. You’re the Midas of Belvafore. I’m calling it, it has been declared, no take backsies or arguments from you, young lady.

I AM NO SUCH THING BUT I WILL TAKE IT ANYWAY.

The Elena Talk

Stefan’s safe space being Bonnie’s room – my heart. There are a lot of things I don’t like about canon, you know, but it would have made so much sense to have a stefonnie friendship (more than bamon, honestly). I didn’t know I needed it until SMA lol.

Listen, I was never into it until I wrote this. I don’t even know where it came from - I legit think the clips for the first trailer I made just worked out that way so I rolled with it, but once I started writing it it felt so natural? They just bounce off each other so easily, it’s one of my fave dynamics to write in a fic full of dynamics I love to write.

The glow-in-the-dark stars: I can totally imagine Stefan helping Bonnie move into every new place, and once all the boxes are in, he’s like, all right now for the real reason I helped you move in, and he rearranges the constellations by memory.

LMAO YES.

The fire escape call backs lol. I feel like every single person in this universe is a shit-starter—it just comes easier to Daroline lol.

The segue from the glow-in-the-dark stickers to “Bright things fade” in reference to the bright, warm, gooey-ness that was Stelena. You already know, I am impressed times a thousand, as always. I also think using this space theme between them is interesting and something to be explored. (I feel like an English teacher, and like maybe it was intentional, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, there is something there, and honestly, as the writer, it was your gut feeling to go with this theme, so maybe it was a subconscious effort, if not fully intentional). (Fight me).

We can go with me having complicated, writery instincts with layers and intricacies that are all very intentional or we can go with me not being creative enough to come up with another metaphor. 

The Meet-Cute has a quality that makes it perfect for Stelena. Yes, you are the author, and yes, you created what is ‘perfect’ for them, and yet? It could have easily been a different meet-cute, not Stefan’s speechlessness or her instant smitten-ness. God, he is such a Ted Mosby. But, at least, he’s learning from his Elena experience, that love may not exactly work like that. Maybe love-at-first-sight is a thing (hard maybe), but like Caroline soon alludes to, it’s more devastatingly impactful if love is grown as between two friends or even two people who don’t even like each other (both ships, honestly).

THE TED MOSBIEST. I honestly had trouble writing some of that scene because I was trying to walk the fine line between ‘this guy is sappy and unrealistic but ultimately earnest’ and ‘this guy has imposed wildly unrealistic ideals onto the world around him and it comes from a place of entitlement and privilege and neither the narrative nor the characters condone it’. I’m a big hater of the Ted Mosby’s of the world because I feel like they go through the motions of ‘growing’ but actually just keep doing the exact same thing and falling head over heels for girls that ‘disappoint them’ without ever seriously looking at themselves, so what I tried to do in the scene was show the side of Stefan that’s kind of messed up AND the side of him that realizes he’s kind of messed up. I wanted Caroline’s original dislike of him to make a little more sense, but also wanted to show you why he’s different from the prototypical Nice Guy. He knows that he was unrealistic. He knows that he purposefully turned a blind eye to red flags. He knows that he was putting too much weight on something that had a flimsy foundation at best. But he’s still human and admits that he’s never felt something that electric before, despite all that knowledge, and that’s why he hasn’t been able to shake this for two years. SO yeah, he’s an interesting one to pin down.

Sidenote about the Salvatores: I think it’s interesting that the first person Rebekah calls is Stefan, Stefan calls Lexi. Does that mean Lexi calls Freya? Freya probably doesn’t call a damn one of them lol. It’d be interesting if Lexi or Freya called Rebekah, for non-logical thinking, you know what I mean? I feel like Freya (even though it should be impossible to feel anything about her, considering she’s just a thought at this point) is very well-grounded, and she has a harder time thinking with her heart—and that’s why she might call someone like Rebekah. Omg, could you imagine that they all want to call Stefan, but if he’s busy, they call one another like, “Okay what would Stefan say? What would Stefan do?” Lol, headcanon.

Honestly this is perfect. And you’ve got Freya down to a T so idk how that happened. One of my fave things is getting headcanons about the Salvatores because they’ve basically had like one scene (two for Rebekah) on the phone and yet everyone just gets them. Every headcanon I get is spot-on. It’s delightful.

“Sounds like you and me”… “You said scowls and blizzards and vomit-inducing disdain, right?” lol oh Caroline. Allergic to a sincere moment, either reacting very, very violently or with a joke to help alleviate his discomfort.

She’s a syrupy little thing.

“Nothing could diminish the drug-rush feeling that’d flooded his veins”. I think it’s interesting that his reaction is “Nothing could ever make him forget that he was capable of feeling that much” and not that he wanted to feel that feeling again. It seems like him staying with Elena was him resupplying that feeling, but irl, it seems like people are more likely to relationship-hop, thinking that the relationship/the significant other was at fault, that love in its full drug-like capacity is worth it and they need, need, need it. It’s interesting that he turned inward and actively avoids feeling that way. He later says “It’s so hard not to want to feel it again” but what keeps him from feeling that way again? Is it Caroline’s fear of a person’s potential to ruin? Or maybe it’s just that he hadn’t found someone who is like that? Does Stefan even date around? I’m curious about your insight.

This actually took me a while to pin down in the story because canon was so all over the place with Stefan’s love life - I feel like he had a new love-of-his-life-from-the-past every season and if it wasn’t this random guest star, it was the other one, you know? He was kind of a serial monogamist in canon and yet still managed to have this distinct air of believing in a singular soulmate/’Elena’ lowkey being the be all, end all, you know? So I basically ignored that confusing shit and conceptualized him as a very picky person when it came to love. He doesn’t fall easily - or before Elena, ever. He mentions dating Valerie in high school and I’m sure he went on a few dates here and there in early college, but Elena was a punch in the face for him. He didn’t know what it was about her. He’d never felt that way about anyone before, not even close. Love wasn’t even really the drug-rush, it was her, specifically. That’s why he hasn’t felt it again, that’s why he’s scared he never will - it was entirely tied to Elena. If we wanted to analyze the ‘why’ of it all - why her, why would someone so picky just see someone and feel something they’d never felt before - I would probably say that Stefan grew up with a very specific picture of what he wanted in life, and for whatever reason, she looked exactly like what he’d imagined. The dark hair. The soft features. The romantic eyes. I think it also ties into canon a little, too, since in TVD he was immediately drawn to Elena because she looked exactly like Katherine. Immediate, visual enrapture. So yeah, long story short, I don’t see him as a guy who dates around a lot. I see him as a guy who, pre-Elena, thought he knew exactly what he wanted and never really compromised until he (thought) he found it. And now I see him as a guy who realizes that was an incredibly stupid way to think about love but worries it’s the only approach he’s capable of/that’ll make him feel that incredible feeling.

“But I’m scared I will anyways… And you’re scared you won’t.” Oof. Biggest oof.

I like how Stefan says he doesn’t want to sound like a cliché, but he’s a Disney prince. It only makes sense that he would feel that way, you know? It only makes sense that his life would play out that way. Who are this boys’ parents? How did they indoctrinate him? Or, rather, what thing made him this way?

He’s a mess. This is what happens when you’re the lone golden boy in a family of six and everyone indulges your unrealistic bullshit as cute/funny.

Your writing, for this movie montage of their love, is so perfect. Rude. The imagery! The word-choice! The whole thing reminds me of a caramel-candy commercial, where everything is warm and gooey and slow-motion. Clearly I’m not as cultured to compare to a Sundance film lol, but nonetheless, you did an excellent job describing that warm-toned, rose-colored-glasses kind of love.

Wow, I just realized how much Stefan sounds like the stereotypical ‘male author’. Except he has some decency not to describe the weight of her breasts or her aura during sex (eyeroll). Even his “and he was happy to be her anchor to that for the rest of their lives if she needed him to be”. Idr when, but Stefan shakes off some fairytale notion, saying ‘life doesn’t work that way’ or something – that is character development that we didn’t know we needed!

CAN YOU IMAGINE STEFAN DESCRIBING THE WEIGHT OF ELENA’S BREASTS now I need it

Yeah, honestly, I already said it but I’ll say it again - half the battle of writing that scene was giving Stefan just enough Ted Mosby/Male Author vibes to make him realistically flawed but not going too far as to making him someone you’re actively not rooting for anymore. I think you make a great point, though - he’s growing out of it and recognizing the role he played in his relationship failures and I think that’ll hopefully be what sets him apart.

Also, kudos for the Colorado trip call back. I think it’s very telling how invested and how thought out your process is for these characters by how you using some passing details like, Steroline skirting around their Matt and Elena stories, and then actually using them in their ‘origin’ stories… like, again, you didn’t have to, but you! went! there! and you did a phenomenal job, dude. Again, just a testament to how invested you are. Sure, you could say you wrote it out of order or something brush-off-y, but  to even consider, oh hey continuity is a thing, is great. We stan an Awesome Writer!

lmao I’m so happy you get as much enjoyment as I do from little details like that - I’m usually pretty terrible at it because updating within a normal time frame? Don’t know her. But anytime I see a chance to make a random detail I threw in years ago feel remotely deliberate, I’m all over that shit.

“He felt the barest flicker of defensiveness shoot through him… instead he thought back to the trip”. Hopefully, before I submit this, I would have submitted a list of headcanons I have. One of them is that Stefan’s so well-adjusted via his introspection, that I think one of this parents are a therapist of sorts. I’m just calling it.

oooo, I LIKE that. Largely because Therapist Parents would annoy the everloving hell out of Lexi, lmao - I feel like she’s the prototypical daughter of therapists who goes out of her way to be unpredictable just so her parents can’t psychoanalyze her/figure her out.

I wonder if Stefan still thinks he and Elena could have OTP. Like, he says “or, at least, as much sense as the idea of her and a guy like Liam will ever make to me”. Because if Liam is like canon Liam… she and Liam made total sense (aside from her still being a vampire). Oh but wait… Elena is an artist, not pre-med. Because Elena x Liam made sense in TVD, being pre-med kids, flirty and competitive and ambitious. If she’d never known about the supernatural world, it would make sense for her to be with a Liam, and not a Damon, because Liam is the human version of intense/consuming… Sorry about that canon tangent. Canon, I don’t know her?

Who is she? I think I went to high school with her but we weren’t friends. 

What’s SMA Liam like? Or is Stefan’s bitterness getting in the way of seeing, maybe, that Liam did make sense for Elena?

Re: Liam - it’s basically what you said above. Very different from canon Liam. Definitely played more of the canon Damon role re: this cocky, morally ambiguous bad boy that appealed to the darker/superficial/more selfish parts of Elena (that she felt she had to hide from Stefan). I think at the start of the story, there’s still a part of Stefan that thinks Stelena was OTP but the further it goes and the deeper he falls into this thing with Caroline, the more that part disappears. I think it’s really easy to idolize something when you have nothing to compare it to, and even more so when you have no closure so you stay stuck on it and time keeps passing it and making it more and more immortalized.  With Caroline in the picture now, though, I think it’s shifting his relationship with Elena into a different, more exposing light and revealing some of the insubstantiality of it all. 

Elena’s “it’s was like all those awful parts of me were allowed to exist again” speech is so heartbreaking. I know we’re here to cheer for Stefan, be on his ‘side’, and in no way am I saying cheating is condonable, but it’s another great example of how a writer can make you root for both sides of a broken-up couple. A mentor of mine once told me the sign of a good therapist is for each person in a couple to think you’re on their side. And I’m applying this to writing now. Not, in anyway, can I apply this to Matt (fuck that guy), but I get it for Elena. And it totally makes sense that Stefan was like that, or has a potential to be that way.

This was exactly what I was going for so I’m so happy that’s what your fancy talented therapist brain got out of it. 

I love how Caroline’s conversation of ‘you can be this way and the situation was not your fault’. Basically, to say to Stefan ‘you don’t know if you could have loved the real Elena’ and ‘you didn’t deserve what Elena did’ is such a good conversation to have. Because knowing this Soft Boy and knowing how most people feel when their partners cheat, it would make sense for him to blame himself. It seems he does that by the way he holds himself back from doing that to Caroline.

Wow, he even comes to this realization, “he hadn’t been able to reconcile the idea of both of them being a little right”. Don’t I look dumb lol… time to retreat….

NO because as I was writing that dialogue I kept getting it wrong and either making it sound like Caroline was blaming him completely or too much on his side and I was struggle-bussing to strike the exact balance you’re describing so NOT DUMB AT ALL. Exactly what I was flailingly going for.

Caroline’s “Okay, now, you’re just indulging.” Another headcanon, Steroline have made a rule to say, “do you need a moment” for any self-indulgent emotion in a conversation. But they only allow a moment. That’s it. ~feel and let go~

Wow, Caroline a combination of all the Salvatore Sisters? Works like a Freya, thinks like a Bekah, talks like a Lexi.

😂this just got vaguely Freudian but also, yes.

“I don’t want to be the guy who makes people feel like they have to pretend around him. That guy sucks.”/ “That guy does kind of suck” BUT ALSO “You may have a certain gooey idealism about you that makes people want to, I don’t know, believe in good things.” My fairly-new/just-for-SMA Steroline heart!

There’s hope for them yet.

The Knife Speech: yes. Wouldn’t it have been kinda funny if, instead of pretending to stab herself in the stomach, she pretended to stab him, a perfect foreshadowing. Also her “I’d imagine that’s when you’re really fucked, so… best is yet to come for you, Salvatore.” BUT WAIT. Perhaps the knife stabbing of oneself is the imagery of allowing one’s self to be stabbed, to be gutted, to be vulnerable enough to be in love. (Here goes English-teacher Cassandra again, please forgive her, she’s eager and truly a huge fan).

This is a perfect example of you making me sound like a hundred times better of a writer than I actually am because I legitimately do not remember who she pretended to stab in the gut and I also thought you were going to say ‘wouldn’t it have been kinda funny if she actually stabbed him and he died gurgling in shock’ and was ready to enthusiastically agree.

On a different note: “Wouldn’t you like to know.” / He’d very much like to know. How does one create such sexual tension in one small exchange? Big oof again.

Honestly this makes my life because I always feel like I’m SO BAD at getting these mood whiplash lines to pack enough punch. Like they always do in my head when I can see the delivery and the camera shot and whatnot, but when I write it I’m always like ‘eh. I mean. I guess’. TRUST YOURSELVES FRIENDS.

Bamon in the Bathroom

First off: “In my defense, you goaded me into playing” / “Yeah, well in my defense, I didn’t know I was releasing the fucking Kraken”. L O L

Bonnie’s winning – “But hey, a win was a win, right?” – I love it. Never underestimate Bonnie Cutthroat-Competition Bennett!

“You’re kind of a maniac, you know that?” paired so deliciously with “Didn’t say I wasn’t a maniac, too.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I think I forgot how much I loved bamon and all their goodness? Especially your version. Ahhhh!

“You know, for a doctor, you’re really bad for my health.” Bad for your heart! ‘Cause she’s got it racing! Oooo, burn!

That’s such a Kai line I’m dying.

Bonnie getting all defensive and going off about how she doesn’t mind “being the person that someone needs at the end of the day” (serious Stefan vibes, doesn’t he say this at one point also?), and Damon being all, like, heart-eyes and shit, calling her ‘surprising’ and stuff. Good content, yes, yes, please continue.

Ooo, didn’t even make that parallel between Stefan and Bonnie (because I am, in fact, a garbage author) but it’s so cool that you bring that up because on Stefan, that line can easily sound a little self-aggrandizing - it’s coming from (again) a place of privilege, of playing the hero because he’s had this charmed life and it’s the right thing to do, but from Bonnie, it’s almost the exact opposite. She didn’t have that growing up. She was the person without anyone in her corner. So with her, it’s not a hero complex, it’s a victim-turned-survivor motivation. I feel like I’m being really mean to Stefan in these responses lmao I gotta back off, I adore that kid. Just keepin’ it real. 

“Maybe I’ve handled enough” in a playfully dramatic way, and yet, Bonnie’s full realization that (the man of her dreams) Damon probably has been through enough, and she knew what that was like. Sad boy hours.

Sad boy days.

Bonnie avoiding tension by returning to tending to his wound, Damon avoiding tension by returning to his sexy-mysterious-guy vibes. I almost titled this “SMA and the Many, Many Ship Parallels”.

The whole scene that I shall call “I go by daddy, actually” which is just vague enough to make me laugh wildly in this library full of undergrads studying for finals—and because the scene is so ridiculous and hilarious and so, so Bamon, I will die cackling.

I’m brainstorming ways to bring more ‘daddy’ energy into chapter 18.

Belavafore

“Why are you like this?” / “We’re embracing the great outdoors!” Use what he loves against him, honey, you’re doing great.

“Okay, you’re right, I’m sorry.” / “No, you’re not.” / “No, I’m not.” / “Would it help if I said I’m proud of you? … I really am.”

I love how much lighter Steroline has become. Like Caroline just casually throwing the responsibility of “Go for it” / “Forgive yourself for something” to Stefan is so… unlike her. I feel like she’s the type that shows people up whenever they’re afraid to do something, like tell their waitress this is not what they ordered. Because that’s exactly it. This whole forgiving themselves thing was not what Caroline ordered- just a side of cheesy jokes on Stefan.

GIRL YOU AND ME BOTH, I was so tired of writing their tension oh my Gooooooodsicles. I basically spent sixteen chapters trying to earn the ability to write them this light and this comfortable and this open with each other so I SAW MY CHANCE AND TOOK IT.  

“I can’t believe we’re listening to happy4eva dot com.” / “We’re not, we’re listening to me” / “Is that any better?” I agree with Caroline and am fully happy to admit I am in love with Stefan’s sass.

“Some of us are capable of taking this seriously” / “What makes you think I wasn’t serious about the printer ink?”

Leash him.

Caroline’s “Here was all she needed to be” realization and acceptance is giving me so much life, I’m teeming with so much love and pride and straight up inspiration, dude, bless.

Caroline’s cathartic sobbing, and Stefan’s, “I think you might be forgiving yourself.” My whole heart is just FULL and maybe I TOO started crying, YOU CANNOT PROVE ANYTHING.

Filed under: scenes I wrote horribly the first few times and still was not convinced I got right by the time I finally posted it so thank God it made someone feel something because ya girl was skressed.

Bonnie going onto the fire escape without coat or shoes, despite hating the cold, just to be there for Caroline, to hug her and be happy for her forgiveness journey is the most Bonnie thing, and I am living for it.

Tag-line for Damon: “She could always count on Damon to be a shithead”.

Bonne saying her date was horrible, Damon mentioned Kai still being present – so mom and dad of them! Did I mention this in a previous review? Maybe. Ugh, I love them so much, I don’t mind if I ramble the same few things about it and your incredible writing of them.

Baroline deciding for the boys ‘this is something we are doing’. *arc snap* love it!

<3

“You jump, I jump, Jack.” I’ll be honest with ya, when I first read this, I was like, dude I love you madly but it feels a little too late to bring this friendship quirk up in here, but then I was like, who the fuck says? You did a great job explaining the context of it, and I love it! Please bring it back! You know, when you write more…

LMFAO no girl I thought the exact same thing, so much so that I went back and edited it into the chapter where Bonnie apologizes to Caroline after her bender. It was totally too late to introduce but I was like ‘I don’t really know what else to put here so we’re gonna pretend this has always been a thing, join me friends in this who cares revisionist approach to writing’.

Steroline being protective of Bonnie’s feelings paralleling with Damon’s protectiveness of Bonnie’s physical wellbeing. It’s just much like, ‘I’m not good at the emotions thing, may I offer you a blanket and some boots instead?” Very in-character of him, this is good, good stuff.

YES, exactly what I was going for! I feel like my entire reaction to your review is either going to be YES EXACTLY YOU WORDSMITH or ACTUALLY I AM FAR TOO DUMB TO HAVE DONE THAT ON PURPOSE BUT I LOVE IT LET’S GO WITH IT.

Bonnie using the ‘you were mean to me’ to get Damon to participate!!!

Caroline’s only known Damon for a month?????? This would make sense, a little, but also it feels like so much longer. (this isn’t me side-eyeing the author, she’s busy and doing important things, but also…)

😂😂😂😂

Bonnie’s prompting of Damon, “And?” felt very much like when you’re at the doctor’s office, and they’re listening to your heart, and they’re prompting you to take a deep breath “again” and quiet and waiting. Was this on purpose? Even his “how many do I have to do?” and her “Just one more.” Feels very much like when they’re in the bathroom, and he’s being a literal child under her medical care.

This definitely falls under the ‘not smart enough to have done that on purpose but I love it so let’s go with it’ category.

“Fuck you world, I’m perfect!” inspired by our resident sociopath (who has no regrets, naturally lol). LOVE. It really aligns with Caroline’s “here” realization, and later, Damon’s “okay, noted” response. It’s kinda messy of them, considering they’re clearly not, but the acceptance and willingness to say, fuck you world, I don’t need to conform to whatever, is so nice. So, so good. So much growth. And the title name-drop! And all of them cheering one another on (especially Stefan)!

“…Damon sasses, making Bonnie’s bright laugh even louder, and in that exact moment, with Damon’s hand caught in some kind of Z-snap and Bonnie gasping for air and Stefan’s eyes crinkled from the size of his grin, she felt something shift for her… And looking at the laughing faces surrounding her, their movements arrested in some kind of vibrant slow-motion, the glint of the flurrying snow around them like magic, she couldn’t help but think that it had to be something good.” (okay maybe now I will admit to more crying).

Kai vs the Neighbor and Caroline’s realization of ‘this guy is crazy I like him’. She doesn’t like a cat, but Kai, she’s here for. “That was amazing!” / “Thanks! I still don’t understand you.” love it!

I think I’ve edited this scene (what don’t I edit) since you read it but I think all the parts that stood out to you were ones I mostly kept the same, so that makes me really happy. I had a blast writing it, particularly Kai vs. The Neighbor and everyone just giving in to hedonistic self-acceptance for that one, sparkling minute. It felt needed and I’m so glad it seemed to trigger all the right emotions. 

Scrabble, Backstories, THE Kiss

I know this is not what I was supposed to take away from this, but I like Bonnie’s dark moments, lol. Like her joke about her mom not being around. Like, it makes her more real. Like Stefan’s sass makes him more real. No one is just the One Trait that ‘defines’ them, whatever the fuck that means.

I love writing those moments. I talked about this a few paragraphs up, but a big part of why I love writing Bonnie and Damon is exactly those moments - the ones where she can make a joke about her absentee mom and Damon can laugh at the idea of Kai assassinating them. They need that. They need to be able to do that. It doesn’t feel real to me otherwise. It doesn’t feel special, you know? Why are they so drawn to each other if not for precisely that? Their ability to be every part of themselves around each other - the hopeful parts, the selfish parts, the angry parts, the vulnerable parts - is what makes them tick the most, so I’m excited I’ve gotten to the point in their development where they can do that. There’s a scene pretty early in chapter 18 where they have another one of those moments, where Bonnie lets Damon get this sort of ugly/twisted glimpse at her that she’s hiding from everyone else, and she does it with this casualness that I really enjoyed writing. She’s not afraid of judgement. She’s not afraid of what he’s going to think. She knows he gets it, and he does, and it’s simple but I think it means so much more than grand gestures or big sex scenes do for them (but those are fun too lol).

Aw Damon wanting to know more about Bonnie. We see a lot of Bonnie’s curiosity about Mr. Enigma, but he’s embarking on this conversation without really knowing where it’d go or what he wants from it.

That’s a big shift that’s carrying into 18 - Damon’s officially starting to get hooked. It’s been so fun writing him in this shifting context of developing confusing feelings because he’s kind of a disaster about it - especially because Bonnie’s distracted by all the Steroline drama so she’s not even full cognizant of it. 

Wow, why am I just noticing this: “He thought about the fire escape, about the things she’d claimed to forgive herself for, and dwelled in the awareness that they’d all been just as performative as his” !!!! excuse me! NOT OKAY. I guess they haven’t had the chance to talk it out like Steroline did, and maybe that’s part of the reason it was more difficult to jump onto the forgiveness train right away.

Yeah, they still have a long way to go. Honestly, I don’t even know if forgiveness really fits what they need. Bamon strikes me more as just needing to accept themselves, and I think being able to accept each other so casually and completely will play a big role in that. 

“He wasn’t sure when she’d started taking up actual real estate in his thoughts, but it was kind of a disorienting realization.” !!!

“He used to let himself feel every last lick of it [his anger], blistering and white-hot… it’d bite and fester at the inside of his skin till it wore itself out slowly bled out of his pores” that’s good stuff there, dude, great description.

“That was all before he’d met Katherine, though. Before she’d shown him how to turn it all of instead.” Nice nod to that dumpster fire of canon. Datherine was such an interesting thing that could have been cool. The debauchery, honestly, instead of Damon desiring to be ‘good’ or some shit.

I honestly don’t even remember their canon dynamic and I think it’s probably better that way.

“She’d moved on from the question. He’d had an out. But for some reason, he had this weird, anxious feeling, like an opportunity was flashing past him and he didn’t want to just let it. So he kept going.” We stan character development and growth. You go, baby!

I wonder what it was like for Damon, to re-testify. Was he all shelled-up, the Damon who jokes his way through, who doesn’t give a single fuck about anything, or was he Lily’s scared son, traumatized and hurt, unable to make eye-contact or even lift his head during his testimony?

I think he was forcibly numb to the whole thing until he saw her. Probably being sarcastic under oath, acting like this was a waste of his time, but distinctly edgier than usual. I don’t think he was planning on seeing her and I don’t think he was even supposed to, given the whole witness protection thing, but knowing Lily, she probably dreamed up a way to make sure she was being transported at the exact moment she knew he’d be there, and seeing her and how entirely unchanged, unrepentant, undulled she was after seventeen years, daring to look at him like a project she was coolly proud of, just flipped him out a little. 

“She looked protective./ He wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked protective of him before.” AHHHHHHH.

Once you have a Gryffinpuff in your corner there’s no shaking them.

Damon’s “Here” paralleling to Caroline’s “Here”. Two sides of the same coin, though. Caroline’s “here” was liberating and existing meant so much for her, but Damon’s “here” is just existing, not feeling or holding on to anything.

Okay, I will admit this one I did on purpose.

“Kai could probably kill them both if we asked.” Dark!Bonnie, yas queen, slay!

“They didn’t just ‘happen’ / “I did them. I actively ruined those people’s lives.” I know it seems like I’m grasping here, but this just really seems to echo Caroline’s speech to Stefan, that Elena made choices. Bonnie made choices too. Does this mean Elena is just as redeemable as Bonnie is? Stay tuned to probably never find out.

Elena Redemption Arc 2029

Damon: “In fact, it’s [accepting the ‘bad’ parts of her] not going to change you at all—they’re already part of you, they’ve always been part of you. I’m not saying they’re shiny or pretty but honestly, fuck shiny and pretty.” Stefan’s rejection of Elena’s ‘darkness’, Damon’s acceptance of Bonnie’s ‘non-shiny, non-pretty’ elements. I’m just saying dude, conscious or subconscious—your Inner Writer is doing amazing, sweetie, please keep it up forever, thanks.

“Goodness wasn’t default coded into you but having some perfect life that never tempted you to be anything else.” / “To me, that’s a hell of a lot prettier and shinier than someone who never had ugly as an option.” *sings quietly* Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air? 

lmfaoooo why do your expressions always murder me

‘I’m too tired to be funny’ fuck you this entire review is either poignant af or hilarious I was ill-prepared I was MISLED

“Your desperation to paint me out as some kind of reluctant hero is your real flaw—in fact, that should be the part of yourself you’re ashamed of.” OKAY THEN STOP BEING ONE

He’s so dumb. And we haven’t even gone into the Tyler arc. 

Baroline quoting Defan to throw their own words back at them like ninja stars, pinning them to their words’ truths.

We love a good Pin The Truth Bomb on the Idiot game.

 “I’m just saying there’s a chance you aren’t a complete supervillain.” / “I’d be a great supervillain.”

(I just had an overwhelming sense of maybe, someone in this very library, could be a SMA fan also. How wild would that be???)

I wrote this HP fanfic a long time ago that got weirdly popular and someone once left a review saying they saw someone else reading the new update at the airport and they ended up talking about it together for a little while and it was the greatest moment of my entire life

“He wasn’t sure what made him do it. Wasn’t sure if it was a pride thing, a contrarian thing, or a product of whatever weird mindfuck of a thing had been brewing between them over the course of the night, but before he even knew what was happening, he slid his hands up her face and caught her mouth in a swift, deliberate counterargument.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damon’s analysis of Bonnie: more exclamation marks

“And that even without the varnish, even with all bitterness and fear and anxiety bursting through his cracks like light, he was worth seeing.” Actual tears in my actual eyes. I am not a crier, Gabi, what have you done

He’s a love-starved stray, LOVE HIM. PET HIM. 

Bonnie being all weirded out by the intimacy of the kiss, Damon apologizing about it, “He felt a flicker of resentment over the charm of her awkwardness.”

“If he didn’t know any better, he’d think it was the beginnings of another panic attack.” It’s the knife! (you know the Vine where the kid is running alongside a pool, and the woman behind the camera says, “what’cha got there?” and the kid is like “a knife!” and she’s like “no!” that’s this.)

I’M DEAD.

INEVITABLE. BOOM.

LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS

Steroline and the Case of the Heart-Eyes

“Laughing on that fire escape was the happiest he thought he’d ever seen her.”

Stefan being unable to deal with Caroline’s weirdo silence. Being nervous and worried about it, being super boyfriendy without actually noticing it. Him finally, full out, asking her what’s her deal.

“I’m out of reasons.” It’s so simple, yet so awwwww inducing.

Stefan going into straight up panic mode is so hilarious to me, even though it’s supposed to be more on the serious side lol. Like, I can just imagine Paul Wesley’s scrunched face, pushing away, avoiding any sort of physical interaction—and I’m cackling.

oh my God now I’m cackling

why is he like that

lmao I just see eyebrows I can’t

“I’m not that guy.” / “I’m the guy who can barely breathe right now because of the smell of your shampoo / who literally can’t open his eyes because if I look at you right now, I’m going to kiss you / who’s a few involuntary stares away from having the exact pattern of your freckles memorized—in fact, I honestly might already. Six on the right, six of the left, rebel freckle.” My heart. Gabi, stoppppp! I didn’t even ship this ship before SMA!

He writes his Boy Scout-ass self blame him.

“I’m pretty sure what makes me happy is you.” I cry so many tears. “I think I might finally be at the point where I’m more scared of missing out on that than I am of what letting it in might do.”

“His heart began humming in his throat at the way she was looking at him.”

“The hope in her eyes grabbed his stupid heart but its stupid heart throat and why the hell did he even pretend he had any actual choice in any of this?” There you go, buddy, finally getting with the program. A parallel to Bamon, and Damon’s wtf is happening to me caring about this cupcake of a person?

“No banning of the full spectrum of human emotion.” / “Do your worst, Disney prince.” / “Don’t know if you can handle that.”

Another artful sex scene. I know they’re not your Fav to write, but you do a real good job. Especially for these two and this moment of it being Real.

Bless, I just never know how they’re going to come across. So easy for them to feel cheesy. Glad this one didn’t tip too far into that territory. 

Caroline’s “No” and Stefan’s “a soundless projection of determination so palpable it bent the air into a word.”

“Her eyes were mosaics, art made out of jagged pieces – chipped trust and cracked pride glued together into something flawed and lovely.” Stefan has ruined every romantic thing for me. Thanks, bud.

He sucks.

Caroline’s ‘shift’ (which I am now just realizing she refers to as ‘a lock snapping undone’; giiiiiiiirl) and Stefan’s “and he felt the knife go straight through his gut.”

I can’t read that metaphor now without thinking about her legit stabbing him like a black widow and just completely 180ing this into a slasher fic.

Bonnie and the Contract

Short scene, yes. Bonnie’s absentmindedness, not just because of Damon, but because she doesn’t have eyes for this lol. It’s so casual how you described it too, “just some clothes, abandoned mugs, scatter of papers”, the usual, ya know, nothing to see here lol. Damon’s attempt to keep her from looking at the contract. Like, he was all mischief and trickery a few days ago, waiting for this very moment, and now, he’s all ‘oh uh you may wanna….’ tongue-tied. Short scene, yes. Great cliff-hanger, absolutely. Awesome way to close off what felt like whole movie worth of content? A million percent yes, sign me up for more!

Writing it def felt like a whole movie’s worth of content lmao so getting to that short, final, zippy cliffhanger scene was glorious. Felt like delivering a placenta. Like I’d already birthed the thankless succubus of a baby and all I needed now was the placenta I barely had to push to get out, you know? This metaphor got lowkey gross but fun fact one of the women whose placenta I delivered in OB wanted to keep it so her and her husband could eat it and I was like coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

Okay, so this is a monster of a review for a masterpiece of a chapter (100+ pages, right?). Coupling happy and silly scenes with these intense confessions was amazing, and your fear of the emotional scenes not clicking is unwarranted! You’re truly a phenomenal writer, and I know I tell you all the time, but you need to hear it always and forever! I was recently telling my sister writing is my actual passion, and by the way in which you write, it seems like it’s, at least, one of your passions too. Like yeah, medicine is gonna be great, you’re gonna be awesome, and maybe I too will be successful as a therapist, but your passion and talent shines through your writing. YOU! ARE! GREAT! TRULY!

I will not apologize for such a long review, like I always do (13 pages babyyy), but I will apologize for basically rewriting the chapter in this review. I tried my best to simplify and summarize, but bro, so! many! good morsels of gorgeous similes and metaphors and descriptions and dialogue, and did I mention I am in love with your characters? your writing? your goddamn brain? Lol.

(Okay, I think I’m done. This took me almost three weeks to write.)

I truly hope you’re doing well, and if you’re writing, YAS, but if you’re not, you know what? You do you, girl, slay in whatever you’re doing. I am your support! I am your cheerleader! I’m here to bolster any sort of feeling you need! Love ya, toodles ;)

(If you’re new here and you got to the end of this review, hey I’m Cassandra, and you’ve made the best decision to read this fic. Gabi, look away, you’re not supposed to see my gushing about your story yet again. You, Reader, good on ya!)

Girl, I don’t even know what to say at this point. Your reviews are always just so lovely, so funny, so thoughtful, so insightful, so goddamn smart - I’m honored to have you as a reader, dude. Truly. Knowing you’re going to be reading challenges me to write better (and that’s actually true of a lot of you, if you’re reading this!). I adore having your therapist brain reading this, too, because it’s such a character-driven story and I’m writing about a lot of things I’ve never actually been through but have done my best to inhabit, and having your perspective is so wonderful. You find the motivations and you see the dimensionality and half the time your reviews actually give me ideas because you see things I don’t. So basically, all of this to say thank you. I adore you. You’re wonderful. And the one good thing about having taken so friggin’ long to post this response that I AM ACTUALLY WRITING lmao, and despite your busy life of saving people’s sanity and BEING FRIGGIN’ MARRIED, I hope you are, too! Love ya, babe. This was so kind. You’re a universe. 

[klanced]

In your voltron rewrite... are u going to change any character designs? Is Allura still gonna have a British accent? Will Lance have brown eyes?

Yep! Here’s a list of things off the top of my head:

Alteans won’t have British accents, because the trope of “advanced magical species sounding like Brits” is old and tired. I don’t know what I’ll replace it with if I’m being honest.

That being said, I kind of like Romelle’s accent?? I suspect it’s supposed to be a British accent, but it doesn’t carry all the way. The way she rounds her words is interesting.

To be fair, it’s hard to describe accents in writing (unless you go for a southern accent and star’ writin’ ev’ry word like this) but ideally Allura’s voice would be more…. Obviously alien, I suppose.

For example, Alteans could have a different respiratory system! Maybe they have an extra lung, or their lungs are hard and hollow instead of spongy like ours. And hey, that could affect the way they talk! 

Maybe there’s an almost whistling noise at the end of their sentences. Or their voice lilts on the first syllable of every word, or there’s no concept of the letter “h” in Altean so when they try to say “have” it comes out more like “eave” (or something along those lines…) The possibilities are endless!

Brown Eyes, Babey!! (Tyra do not interact)

Lance has brown eyes! 

His pupils are also bigger in my rewrite than they are in canon but I have no way to like… Make that come across. But just know. He has medium sized pupils and they are a lovely shade of medium brown :D

Hunk has dark brown eyes, as per canon. I’d say his eyes are the second darkest shade of brown (Shiro has the darkest eyes).

Shiro’s eyes are dark brown, to the point of black (ASIANS REPRESENT)

I’m making Pidge (and, by extension the rest of Holts) have hazel eyes instead of amber ^^ I did some research, and I decided that under the sunlight, Pidge’s eyes look almost multicolored- They’re light brown around the pupil and more green towards the outer ring of the iris.

Keith’s canon eye-color is blue-gray according to the Voltron wikia but toss that junk out the window, babey!

I feel like Keith’s Galra heritage definitely influences his eye color/shape…

LMAO when Keith was like, three, he got really sick so his dad took him to the hospital and the doctors there were CONVINCED Keith had jaundice because his sclera are a pale yellow. It’s not really noticeable because his eyes are so dark and contrast against them, but his doctors freaked out and tried to get him admitted for further examination.

Texas Kogane was luckily able to pass it off as a family condition lmfao.

Like Shiro, Keith eyes are dark to the point of coming off as black. However, Keith’s eyes are actually mixed violet-dark brown. It’s not obvious at first because violet + dark brown more or less combines to make a kind of reddish black (think #47001F or maybe #5C003D) but if you take a picture of Keith with the flash on/shine light on his eyes in a darkened room, they WILL glow.

I will stan the Galra having tapetum lucidum until the day I DIE.

Also Keith’s pupils are more oval in shape because I like to imagine the Galra having diamond shaped/vertical slit pupils, so Keith having oval pupils represents how he’s a combination of his parents.

Altean eyes are honestly so cool and I’ll keep them, with some minor updates. Like heterochromia!

Allura specifically has central heterochromia (two colors in the iris, with an inner ring around the pupil and then an outer ring around that). 

Coran has complete heterochromia; his right eye is his canon navy-purple, while his left eye is a gray-green. 

In my opinion, Allura is the embodiment/heart of Voltron and I’m changing parts of her character design to reflect that.

Instead of having stark white hair, Allura’s hair is a very light shade of purple. Alfor had white hair, Allura’s mom (who I’m still in the process of naming) had dark purple hair, so Allura is a nice medium in between.

It’s important to me that Allura has a lot of purple incorporated into her design because 1) It’s my favorite color, 2) It helps distinguish her from her mom (there will be NO copy pasting in this house!), and 3) Purple is associated with the Galra, and I want to acknowledge the fact that Voltron was born of both the Galra and Alteans.

This is important set-up for my Keith and Allura co-leadership arc okay. There are things behind the scenes. Also I’m too tired to like, fully explain why Purble Is Good but before anyone gets worried this isn’t me setting up a Galra Apologist arc so don’t worry.

Her hair color would be somewhere between #EDE2EF and #F8F3F9

Allura has central heterochromia, as I mentioned above, so she’s got a few colors going on. I’m still. So torn as to what those colors are. I want to incorporate blue and black to represent how she has the potential to fly the Blue and Black Lions, but I’m also tired of blue eyes in fantasy genres LMAO. Also….. green eyes……… OR PURPLE.

Does anyone else remember that theory that Allura has a prosthetic leg(s) because I do and I still think about it ALL the time. Anyway Allura has a kickass robotic leg, and I’m suddenly getting strong Paninya from Fullmetal Alchemist vibes. Nice.

(Thinks about all my headcanons for Coran) heehee

Alteans have freckles!! Or something approaching freckles, they could just be a further extension of their facial markings lmao.

I like to imagine every Altean has their own unique patterns. Coran’s wrap around his arms and legs like jellyfish stings/waves. Allura has these spattering of dots concentrated on her shoulders and torso (heart of Voltron, babey!)

Lance’s hair is more wavy/slightly curvy in this universe than it is in canon. It also is just better overall because his canon hair sucks ass. Sorry ladies, but it’s true. 

Voltron has this weird thing for bangs. I don’t get it. Suffice to say, that shit is chopped off here.

I have no idea how to fully describe hair, but essentially: Lance’s hair now has a bit more texture, and he has more of it in general, so it doesn’t stay flat against his head. It’s short, but not cropped; there’s probably a little bit of give to it in the front, but not enough to call it a bang. He hates slicking back his hair because he’s insecure about his bigass forehead.

Hunk’s hair is HELLA THICK, like he has to keep it short or else it’ll get everywhere. There’s a slight curl to his hair, more in the back than in the front, and it all grows ridiculously fast. Ponytail Keith? Please. Ponytail Hunk is where it’s at.

Pidge’s hair is super funny to me. I mean, part of it is because it’s a ridiculous hair style, but it’s also completely impossible to replicate. Literally, does she gel her hair every day or something?? Nah. I’ll just make her hair a mix of curly-wavy and go. Also, instead of those knife bangs, she has a sweeping side-bang thing going on.

Keith’s hair is ugly but it stays because that’s literally just how Asian teenage boys are.

I’ll give him more hair-ties than canon does however. You thought turnip Keith was a one-time thing? You thought wrong.

Shiro having an undercut after a year of captivity is outrageously funny to me. Instead, he crash-lands on Earth with the most obviously self-cut haircut ever. Long hair was a liability in the gladiator pits, so Shiro made do with whatever rusty weapons he could find and a prayer. 

It’s horribly lop-sided. There are patches where it looks like his hair caught on fire, which it probably did.

Once they’re not in immediate danger of dying, Keith sits Shiro down and gives his brother a proper haircut. The Asian fade.

Allura likes to change her hairstyle every few days. Not because she’s particularly concerned about her appearance (Side-note: What would the beauty standards for a species capable of shape-shifting even look like??), but because styling her hair guarantees her at least an hour of personal time she can use to mentally prepare for the coming day.

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[mari0016]

Open Letter to the People Who Care About Me (6)

Hey....I’m back. I know it’s been a while...a long while actually. I think the last time I wrote a letter to you all was back in December. 

Well a couple of things have changed since then. Are you busy? Do you have enough time to read this? Are you comfortable? Well go ahead and get comfortable, take a seat, get some coffee or tea, relax and prepare to learn more about me. 

Last time I checked in I was having some money issues. Well that hasn’t changed much, but I’m working on it. I have another job now, a part time job at a gas station across the street. It’s honestly not as easy as I thought it would be. I work the over night shift, meaning I go in at 11 pm and get out at 6 am. Rough. Sometimes it gets hard trying to balance everything in my life. There are times where I skip meals or lose sleep, or sometimes I try and catch up on sleep and end up missing a day. Still, I’m working on it, finding a balance between it all. As of now I no longer have free days, it kinda bums me out but bills don’t pay themselves. Either way, the main reason I wanted my weekends off were so I could visit my family but in all honesty, I think it should work both ways...right? I mean I don’t have a car so I can’t travel to see them but they’re more than welcome to come visit me, even if just for a couple hours. God knows if I could I would.

Last time I went into detail about my drinking problem, well as much in detail as I could anyway. Some of you reached out and asked me about it, expressed your concern, and offered your support. I want to take a moment to thank those who did, honestly, thank you. As for those of you who didn’t it’s okay, really, it is. You probably don’t feel comfortable asking, or maybe you think I’ll get offended of defensive, I won’t. By all means if you have questions then go ahead and ask me. I might have minded at first but if it helps people understand my situation and how I feel then by all means ask away. 

Honestly, my intention is no longer to keep things from you guys or lie to you. So it’s only fair that you guys know that I did have a couple of drinks on New Years. I wasn’t going to, I promise, but quitting cold turkey is hard. It started with a friend I hadn’t hung out with in a while, we recently reconnected, and she offered me a drink. I was too embarrassed of saying no and having to explain the reason why so I took it. I had two drinks that night. Honestly, it felt great. I missed it, the taste, the feeling it gave me, the smooth liquid flowing down my throat, I missed it all too much. But I only had two drinks. I had two more on New Years. NO biggie, they were just wine coolers. Had a couple more once I went back to my apartment in Campaign. Vodka Cranberry with Sprite. No biggie. I was a bit proud, seeing how I had control, how I only needed two drinks, no more. But I had a bad day. I was stressed out and I don’t even remember what I was stressing out about if I’m being honest. But I do remember having more than two drinks. I remember having more than alcohol that day. I had three Smirnoff Ice Green Apple Beverages and three vodka cranberry drinks. Oh and some chocolate fudge laced with weed. Now this may not seem like a lot but to someone like me, with a drinking problem, it wasn’t looking too good. Because then I started thinking. I wanted more. I wanted so much more. This just wasn’t doing it for me, not the Smirnoff drinks or the vodka or the weed. I needed something stronger. I needed tequila. Now here’s the thing. I’m not sure if I have said this before but my one weakness, the one thing I can never control is tequila. But before I had the chance to go out and buy some I got a call. I declined it. But I got a message shortly after. Now, even though I had posted some of this on my Snap Chat it’s important to say that I didn’t have this person on there. Yet, somehow, this person felt something was wrong with me so he wanted to check in. And I couldn’t have been more glad that he did. Because for some unknown reason to me I completely opened up to him, I vented. He talked to me until I was able to calm down a bit. He still checks in once in a while and for that I thank him. See, I’m the type of person who wants to get better on their own. But even the dumbest person knows they can’t do it on their own. Sometimes you need a little help and that’s okay. It took me a while to realize that, that I can ask for help, that it doesn't make me weak. 

Fast forward to last Friday night. I had two places to go to. Large group (connected to this Bible Study group I go to) or to a friend’s 21st birthday party. I chose neither, at first. I wanted a night in to catch up on sleep. However, I later decided that maybe I would go to this party after all. I had been so stressed lately and barely had time for friends. So why not enjoy my Friday night? It was BYOB. For those of you who don’t know, BYOB means bring your own beverage. So I bought a large bottle of Heineken beer and in a separate empty bottle I poured some cranberry juice and some vodka...okay a lot of vodka. I decided this was all I was going to drink. Clearly I was lying to myself. Fast forward to the end of the party, or at least to the part where I wake up the next morning with a terrible hangover and an upset stomach. Turns out I had much more than I thought. I started with a cup of jungle juice, then moved on to my beer, then to the vodka with cranberry juice, and somehow ended up drinking a lot of tequila. Yep. Tequila. My number one enemy. What could possible go wrong right? Well, I called my mom at 1 am but luckily she didn’t pick up. I called my former best friend but he also didn’t pick up. However, drunk me thought it would be a good idea to leave a voicemail in which I called him a terrible person and asking how he could hurt me the way he did. Thanks drunk me. No, seriously, thanks. You did me a huge favor. I needed to do that, I just could never work up the courage to do it. 

Now let’s talk about this real quick. I’m sure you all remember who I’m talking about, but if you don’t then please go back to letter 4. there’s plenty about him in that one. Anyway, I didn’t expect him to respond, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping he would. His response? A text. Not a call. A text. A simple text saying, “Lol r u drunk?” That’s what I got ladies and gentlemen. I mean this asshole couldn't even bother to type proper English for crying out loud. Oh and some of you know him and I could honestly care less if you tell him about this. Because the truth is that I DO NOT CARE. Not anymore anyway. I did before but this guy couldn’t even be bothered to ask why I had been drinking or why I had called him or why I had said he was a terrible person. HE DIDN’T CARE. Still, I apologized for what I had said and told him that although I didn’t remember the previous night, that I more than likely was drunk. He said it was okay because I didn’t say anything bad. I take it it’s not the first time he’s been told he’s a terrible person, or maybe he’s been called worse, or maybe he just didn’t care. Fine by me. So I sent him one last message. I said that the bottom line was that I should never have called him. To which he responded with five simple letters. LMFAO. Boy I don’t even know how I was ever friends with this douche. But anyway, this all made me realize that I deserve better friends. Friends who actually care about me and support me. Friends who are willing to listen and take things seriously. Now I don’t want you guys to misinterpret this. By no means do I wish him any harm. The total opposite actually. I hope he grows up and matures. I hope his dreams of becoming a writer come true. I hope he learns to value people and not take them for granted. I hope he finds peace and happiness. But as far as his friendship....well I can finally say I no longer need it. He’s just not the right type of friend for me, not the kind I need right now. But I will cherish the good memories we had, but that’s all it is now, just memories. 

Now back to what’s really important. Although, I had a minor setback, I’m regaining control. I haven’t really had any breakdowns since I’ve been back here. I mean yea I have bad days but they’re not as bad as they were before. I usually can find something to distract myself with or something to occupy myself with. There are still some days where I lay in bed thinking of all the things I could’ve done differently. Maybe if I had changed a couple of things.....I don’t know maybe I wouldn’t be where I am now. And the more I think that the less I wish I had changed things. Did terrible things happen to me in my past? Yes. Did I lose important people in my life? Yes. Did people betray me? Yes. Did I get caught up with the wrong people? Yes. Did I fail at life sometimes? Yes. But everything I have been through has made me who I am now. Someone who can take a punch or two. I’m not weak. Having depression doesn’t make me weak. If anything I’m stronger. Because even with this depression I still manage to get up most of the days. I still manage to live my life. I am still able to make something of myself. So no, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Because everything that I have been through has led me to where I am now. And I love where I am now. I have met some incredible people, I have made amazing friends, I have gained my independence, I have such a strong bond with my cousin - Wendy if you’re reading this, you are seriously the best. Seriously, thank you for being you. Thank you for being like a sister to me. Thank you for never giving up on me. - I have experienced so many great things. Champaign has been nothing but kind to me. I love it here. 

Now I really want to end this on a positive note so I’ll talk more about my anxiety, PTSD, and my eating disorder in my next letter. 

Again, thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this. Thank you for the enormous amount of support y’all show me. Thank you for the endless amount of love y’all have for me. Thank you. 

Love,

M

[foolishbelievers]

Love and Theft 7/5/18

Jen and I traveled to Block Island to go to a country fest being held at a hotel bc LNT were headlining it. I’d never been to Block Island and it was a bitch trying to get tickets for a reasonable time on the ferry (their website is shit and wouldn’t load lol) but we did and the drive and ferry ride were actually pretty enjoyable. I wasn’t sure what to expect bc the show was literally on the beach and I’d never been to a show like that before. It actually wasn’t too bad and honestly was one of my favorite concert experiences.

The first two artists were more local country acts but they were amazing and fun to watch and listen to. It wasn’t boring waiting hours for LNT to go on like it sometimes is. I’m a genuine fan now of the first artist, Wildee. She sang three Marin Morris covers and I was not at all mad about it haha. She noticed me singing along to them and when she sang “Rich” during the second chorus she held her mic out to me to sing lmfao. I did it. Which isn’t usually like me. But I was having so much fun I gave zero fucks.

When LNT came out, we were right in front of Stephen. He immediately noticed my LNT shirt and was like “Heyyyy I like your shirt!” 

They sang Can’t Wait for the Weekend, Runnin’ Out of Air, Dust on the Bottle, Candyland, Whiskey on my Breath, Fishin’ in the Dark (w/ Fish & Drift Away), Let’s Get Drunk & Make Friends, Need to Breathe, If You Ever Get Lonely, Runaway, Night That You’ll Never Forget, Amen, Free Fallin’, Tan Lines, Wrong Baby Wrong, Give Me Tonight, Midnight Rider, You Didn’t Want Me, & Angel Eyes.

As per tradition Stephen took lots of selfies during IYEGL, and took my phone first. The last time he did that the lighting was awful so this time I actually have nice pics yay. Also I had told Jen before the show that I would be disappointed if they didn’t play Tan Lines bc duh it was the perfect setting for that song so I was pumped af that it was on the setlist. Stephen also seemed pleased that I was singing along bc I think I was the only one who was for that song hahaha. During Angel Eyes they let some people onstage and some lady pulled Jen up there so she got to be onstage and dance during that song which was awesome. Someone at some point threw a bag of mystery alcohol in a bag up onstage near Stephen and he took it and was like “What is this?? Do you want me to drink it???” and after a minute of contempation he FUCKING DRANK FROM IT and apparently it was “room temperature white wine. yum...” Also Jen and I just danced around and made up our own stupid moves and just had the most fun ever without a care in the world and it was excellent.

When the show ended the guys took pics and signed stuff from the stage but we didn’t want to be part of that mess. We weren’t sure if we’d get to meet them at all bc it wasn’t really one of their shows, even though they were headlining, plus we had to make it to the ferry to get home (there was only one more ride back after the show or else we’d be stranded) so I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we wouldn’t get to talk to them. But we decided to wait for a bit by the side of the stage where we knew they’d have to leave and see if we could get them to stop for like two seconds. Eric came offstage first and started talking to some people (friends of his I think), so he ended up walking near where we were. This little girl whose birthday it was who was next to us the whole show walked over and we let her go in front of us to wait to talk to him. I told her LNT give really great hugs and Jen was like yeah! and you should tell them it’s your birthday, you’ll get an even BETTER hug and the little girl looked so happy. She was so stinking cute. The people Eric was talking to let her (and us) go up to him (they were v nice), and Eric hugged the little girl and had the biggest smile while talking to her and it was adorable.

I went up to him next and he started to hold his hand out for a handshake and once I started shaking his hand he like, really looked at me and recognized me and was like “HEY!!! It’s good to see you!” and we started talking a bit. He took a selfie of us - I asked if we could do something funny and he was all for it but since it was a selfie my original idea didn’t really work so he improvised my initial thought into using my head as a headrest which basically just meant he put his head on top of mine and then made a funnyish expression. And Stephen snuck into the photo which I didn’t realize until afterwards lmao. Not mad about that pic at all. I got a pic with Stephen in which he faced us directly into the sun which was fine for him bc he had sunglasses and a hat on but I didn’t so LOL THANKS SBL I appreciate the blindness lol. I kept talking to Eric after that, he mentioned that the shirt I had on was his favorite design they’d done (Stephen said something similar) and I agreed - it’s a gray shirt with a boat and fishing gear with red lettering and idk it just looks nice. I told Eric it was one of my faves too. I also asked him when they’d sell sweatpants and joked that I knew it was the wrong season to ask. He laughed but then started to actually think about it and was like ‘Oh, actually, I’m pretty sure we’ll have them later this year starting in late fall’ or something along those lines. He said almost the same thing a year ago but I actually believe him more this time haha. I also told him they always have the comfiest merch and he got this shy sort of smile and was like “aw, thank you. We try our best to put out good quality stuff.” 

After that Jen and I walked back towards the ferry, killed a little time in a store, and got in line for way too long to make sure we were able to get on. We took the traditional ferry there and back (cheaper, more spots), and the last ride was like ten minutes after the hi speed ferry, so the two ferries had lines forming at the same time. Sure enough, as we’re standing in our line, I see Eric in the hi speed line. Once we got on our ferry, we could see the hi speed ferry through our window and joke “wouldn’t it be funny it the guys sat outside right there where we could see them that would be fuckin hilarious” and SURE ENOUGH I see Stephen in his TB Lightning hat sitting outside on the ferry and idk it was just the perfect amusing way to end the day.

[rhuemis]

13

13. Introduce your current party.

hoo boy so we got: 

-Scales

-Rhys

-Jeckyl

-Isiah

imma put the lengthy descriptions under a read more aha

Scales ((I dont think Scales even has a surname lmfao)):

-Warlock but insists that hes the party medic

-A white dragonborn that was born without scales due to a birth defect who has more than a few screws lose, calls himself a ‘doctor’ and we cant quite tell whether thats the truth or not

-Grew up in a brothel and now travels with the party to gain ‘medical knowledge’ whatever that means

-Has dissected the corpse of a literal god, harvests organs from whatever we kill and puts them all into bottles and then offers to transplant them into you if you get even remotely injured 

-Is already mildly possessed but then ate some of the tentacles from a weird squid god for fun and then got DOUBLE possessed and tentacles shot out of his mouth and we had to drag him to a temple 

-Something burst out of his chest one morning and now its his familiar. We were all stood at the door to his room like ‘This is Scales, this could just be part of his morning routine for all we know.’

- Speaks with a heavy German accent which makes anything Scales does like 4000 times better

-Isiah has literally promised his corpse to Scales

- Despite his quirks is protective of his party and deserves a pat on the snoot every so often

 Rhys Lignius

- Half-elf sorcerer that currently has more levels in warlock than sorcerer

- hes the mom friend of the group and is a pretty serious guy, hes the one who gets shit done but not before he monologues so hard that the rest of us party members say ‘oh fuck no im not listening to Rhys’ spiel again’

-Came from a very important family and is very proud of his Latian heritage, doesnt let you forget that hes a big fuckin deal lmao hes on a mission to do something in relation to his father but hes not quite spilled on exactly what yet, hes just trying to get to some ancient ruins

- Is so much of an actual loser that whenever he casts Prestidigitation he clicks his fingers and the whole party has started doing it back at him jokingly

-Despite being a square we all love him and hes probably the most reliable in the group. Lawful Good™.

-Flavours my bacon.

-Is the metaphorical designated driver of the party, cleans up after us shit monkeys.

-Is physically around 22 years old but might as well be 55 years old.

Jeckyl Corvus:

- Newest party member, a half-elf rogue that keeps getting cockblocked from actually stealing anything

-Wrote a really intense anonymous love letter to my character and slid it under his room door at a tavern a few years before the campaign started after watching him perform and recognises Isiah but Isiah doesnt realise it was him who wrote the letter yet

-Spent some time in gay baby jail for being part of a group of thieves that got bamboozled by a rich and powerful family and was abandoned by the people he thought of as family.

-Wanted to be a tailor in the years before his taste for adventuring kicked him in the nards. He ended leaving his family to go and explore but this decision ultimately ended up with his family being stripped of everything they had so now hes plagued by The Guilt™. Wants to eventually save/steal enough money to get his family back on it’s feet again.

-Rugged and handsome but the most important thing you need to know about Jeckyl is that he keeps a pet mouse in his pocket named Rupert and that one day Jeckyl wants to fucking transmute him into an owl or some shit because he just cannot be satisfied huh. ‘Oh Rupert was my only friend whilst I was living on the streets blah blah blah’ yeah sure tell that to his face whilst you go fuckin Fullmetal Alchemist on his ass. Love Rupert for the contents of his character, not his form smh.

-Acts suave and cool but loses all of that composure when it comes to Isiah. Would probably commit sepukku if Isiah died. 

-Has a lot of knives, which Scales finds ‘respectable’. 

-First combat fuckin crits the fish plant man that had Isiah grappled 15ft underwater out of sheer gay panic. RIP Shape of Water fish man, you’ll be sorely missed.

Isiah Vakalyn:

-My character so you know hes....really something. Half-elf bard.

-Comes from a weirdly strict family who were actually fucking cultists and were ((and probably still are)) planning on sacrificing him to a demon or some shit but Isiah didnt even notice this shit and still has no idea. He thought everybody was taught Infernal and that families were just like that. His family told him to become a bard and he obeyed. They told him study and he obeyed. They limited his interaction to the outside world and he only really started thinking for himself after he made his first proper friend who then also later fucked him over real bad.

-Ran away from home after being cucked by his “only friend” into maybe murdering her dad we dunno if he died or not but I sure did stab him a lot. She lied and told him she was being abused by her dad and Isiah saw red and agreed to her murder plot only to be abandoned midway through. He also pickpocketed for her for like a year beforehand bc she said she was poor. She was very not poor. Bring on the subsequent trust issues.

-Is a bard but hates getting attention so he wears a black rabbit mask when he performs in front anything that isnt a small crowd. He found that mask in his house so you know thats gonna be some spooky cult shit.

- Is only 5′4 and is very conscious of it. Luckily the party is very understanding and calls him ‘the halfling’ or ‘the midget’ lovingly to watch him implode.

-Once accidentally stole a dwarven baby. Named it Isiah jr.

-Has a pet eel named Illius who is the most fuckin talented eel you’ll ever find. He glows! He talks! He beats your ass at card games! Translates languages! We found him behind a door that was sealed by magic and was only opened after Isiah played the music notes on the map we found. Those notes were an exert of a song by the most famous of all bards, Rickus Astelyus. Lo and behold behind the door was a huge tanks with a heckin good boy inside and Isiah adopted him IMMEDIATELY. Loves bacon bits and scritches.

-Received an anonymous love letter a few years back that gives him major anxiety and literally avoids the city he got it from. RIP Jeckyl youre gonna have to talk to him about that, Isiah is oblivious and has no idea lmao.

- Loves to eat bacon and recently bought out the bacon from the local tavern. Feeds some to Illius because its what he deserves. He’s also currently carrying a fuckton of bread, cheese, jam, and flour. Food is practically his way of diplomacy as he gives some to whoever he meets. It’s almost like his way of nervous self-defence. When tentacles shot out of Scale’s mouth Isiah just started shovelling bread into the tentacles and Scales woke up feeling incredibly full lmao.

-Has also in his inventory: a gay erotica book, a romance novel in a language he cant read, a rainbow slinkie, a magic mood ring that gives him poison resistance, 6 wolf teeth, a wolf leg bone, some gems, 4 days worth of rations on top of all the food he already has, a violin, a flute, and a fancy lute that he found in Illius’ chamber.

-Hes just nervous but loud mouthed and contradicts himself a lot. Anxious and eccentric. Says that hes just a bard and wasnt meant for any kind of greater scheme but the universe has other plans.

-Was once dabbed at by the god of entertainment, Apollon. ((Apollon is the only god Isiah really cares about lmao)).

and despite him not being in the party anymore im gonna give honorary mention to my favourite skyrim-glitch-of-a-barbarian, Florys:

-Was the character of a guy who played with us for one session. At the beginning of the next session he was on webcam with us all and we were about to start playing when suddenly his camera cut out and he went offline and weve literally not seen from him since. He’s not been online in over a month now. Some common theories in our group is that hes off fighting ISIS or got arrested for weed right there and then.

-Due to this weird player disappearance our DM, Benjamin, had to take control of Florys whilst we looked for a new party member. In the session that the player disappeared from we didnt know if he was gonna come back or not so Benjamin had Florys suddenly contract a horrific stomach bug and was just in the tavern toilet presumably making a fuckin hole in the floor with the noise it apparently made lmfao Isiah actually had to try and play music over the top of Florys’ shitfest at one point and only just managed to drown the sound out. But as time went by days were eventually passing in the campaign and the player still hadnt come back so poor Florys was not having a great time in the bathroom for several DAYS.

-Eventually the DM realised that this player was not gonna come back and that the party was short on a tank so he started piloting Florys for a while to accompany us on our quest ((and miraculously recovering from his terrifying stomach illness)) but hed forgotten how the player said Florys was so just was making shit up on the fly. I specifically remember the original player of Florys saying ‘Oh Florys isn’t like those stereotypical dumb barbarians’ which is why I lost my shit when the Florys being piloted by the DM turned around and said ‘What the fuck is a triangle?’ ... Florys is practically brain-damaged at this point, I think it might be the DMs retribution for the player disappearing lmao

-Threw all of his hand axes into a river during one fight and then into a cieling the next, which provoked Isiah to jokingly call out: ‘Oh, Florys! You’re so handsome and cool!’ which Florys with his last 2 braincells took seriously. The handsome and cool line became an on-running meme and gets used whenever any of us fucks up lmao

-For some reason grew rlly attached to a piano he found in Illius’ chamber and carried it around with him out of two parts stubborness two parts piano LUST.

-We ended up using him as a mule to carry all of our heavy shit bc he’d just do it and he literally wouldn’t think anything of it.

-We found a giant birds nest and Florys for some reason picked it up and carried it away and got fucking kidnapped by a giant bird so now hes literally just in fucking sky somewhere sat in a birds nest and being flown around which is wild bc we expected the DM to just kill Florys but instead hes just in the fucking sky where he belongs. Like legit hes just sat in there. Hes just in the sky. Godspeed.

HEAVES I could write so much more but this is already incredibly lengthy so here take it

also @redthebattler idk if any of this would be interesting to you lmao