#the line about mistakes being forgiven always makes me :'-(

[meetsthebones]

is it embarrassing if i say that christmas tree farm is easily my 2nd or 3rd most frequently cried-to taylor song

[thedivineladyinwhite]

𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝓪𝓶

Summary: You’re just a rebound or plan B to them. Or all in all, you’re nothing to them, they just need you just because. characters:(individual) Diluc, Zhongli, Ayato x Fem! Reader Warning: pregnant reader, angst, not proofread, grammar mistakes.

there are spoiler lines in the last part of each one of them, make sure to remember those lines, they maybe important authors note: MOMMAS HOME WOO!! yeah, I redid my work yippie, I changed Childe bc I don’t rlly like him lol :3..WHO MISSED ME >:DD

Diluc 

you were so dumb. blinded by how your first love finally acknowledged your hard work and asked you out, after 7 years of you trying so hard to make him fall in love with you. However that wasn’t the case at all. He never loved you, he never felt anything towards you, you were only a rebound, his plan b if Jean would ever reject him, he loved Jean, saw a future with her, but in the end she rejected him. He was devastated, but then he remembered you, you were waiting for him. You were nothing like Jean, but you’ll do. You were just just his best friend who knew so much about him, he wouldn’t hurt to try right?...oh dear how wrong he was.

“I hate you! after all this time, you thought me of as a second choice a rebound!?”,your voice was loud enough to be heard from outside the manor. Diluc standing there, in such a pathetic state, not knowing what to do. ‘How did you find out?’ he thought. “You’re shocked on how I found out, am I right?”, you glared at him, your gaze full of hatred and sorrow. “I saw your journal. You left it at our bed table last night, I wanted to give it back to you when you returned, I was being nosey, I admit. Good thing I was being nosey or I would live a lie my entire life.”, your voice hoarse from all the crying and shouting.

“I...I’m sorry, forgive me..”, Diluc’s voice all quiet, his lips quivering in fear, not knowing what to do.  “You’re not forgiven. I’ll be leaving tonight” The last time he saw you was when you were leaving for Liyue.

‘So..what now?’

Zhongli

You should’ve never have confessed, what an idiot you are. You knew your resemblance with Guizhong, you knew how many people complemented you because of your looks and how you act like Guizhong. You didn’t let it get past you though, you thought it was nice being resembled to a god, a dead god to that. Maybe that’s why Zhongli returned your feelings. the way you smile, talk, act, you resembled her. Zhongli isn’t the type to get mad but when you do something out of character, he gets slightly irritated, your supposed to be like her...but are you really her?

“ If you truly loved her, why didn’t you die along with her, then?”, all you could see was red, your words stung him, and you were enjoying everything bit.

“I am truly sorry, my love. It was a mistake, I promise to do better in the future!” His voice shaking, afraid to lose you, afraid to lose her.

“There is no future between us”, your eyes all dull, no emotion showing, oh how you enjoyed seeing the retired archon breaking down, right in front of you. Begging for you to forgive him.

“I’m not doing the same mistake, ever again.”

And you were no longer seen again.

‘Live for me, please! I can’t afford to lose you!’

Ayato

Being in an arranged marriage with Ayato wasn’t easy, he was always busy with work, thats what he said after spending the whole entire day hanging out with Lumine. He knew he could never be with Lumine because of this darn arranged marriage, he stayed cold and mean to you and uses the excuse of him being busy with work. He thought you wouldn't find out. But luck was not on his side this time.

“ You’re really bad at hiding, Ayato.” your voice cold, you could freeze anyone with your aura by now, but he stood his guard and defended himself “She’s just a friend! why can’t you understand that!”, his eyes full of hatred.

“But do you think friends kiss? do you think friends hang out and go on fancy dates, friends do say ‘I love you ‘ to each other.” His eyes widen in shock, so you saw, huh.

“...” he had nothing to say anymore, he was speechless

“I’ll send you the divorce papers tomorrow, I knew you’d never be good at parenting due to all the so called ‘business’ you have” You looked over your shoulder one last time, seeing his horrified face.

‘Is the child..mine..?’

[owlphibiaisthebest15]

Hi guys! I want to talk about a minor problem I have with Amphibia and how they could've been done better. I will not be talking about any of the big problems that people have already complained about, like Sasha and Marcy's lack of screentime, their character arcs, parents, nobody talking about Marcy after "True Colors", yada yada yada, because we don't need another post like that, and I want to keep this overdue rant as short as possible. This is based on my personal opinions along with a few others, but feel free to disagree with me if you want. But with further, let us begin...

Anne almost always gets way too easily forgiven for f*cking up.

Okay! This one may be a hot take because I have never seen another person complain about this. But this has been eating me away for MONTHS, and if no one else is going to say it, then I will. While this occasionally extends to some other characters depending on the episode. The one I want to talk about most is Anne. Now, at the start of the series, Anne was pretty much a jerk with a heart of gold. She was selfish, bratty, lazy, and irresponsible, but she did learn from the mistakes that she made and became a true hero by the end of the series. While some of these flaws and mistakes are not worth talking about, there are still others that are actually worse than what the show's narrative portrays them to be.

They may not be as bad as leading a toad army to invade the capital city, burying the only thing that could get Anne home, or sending your friends to another world on purpose. Anne has still made some pretty questionable decisions, even to the point where they often cross the line.

Here's a list of some of the worst things Anne Boonchuy has ever done from Season 1 and 2:

Breaking Hop Pop's favorite cane that also happens to be a keepsake of his father and grandfather all while making fun of him.

Manipulating Sprig into taking Bessie the family Snail on a Joyride without reading. Which is like someone taking a car out for a spin without a driver's permit.

Forcing Sprig to marry Maddie despite his obvious discomfort for Pizza Dough and later forces him to date Ivy while he's still engaged to Maddie.

Faking being sick to get out of farm duty, which led the Plantars getting sick themselves and even thought they were all going to die from red leg.

Slacking off while she was supposed to be protecting the frozen townsfolk, while aware of what happens to one of them while they're frozen. Which, of course, led to Polly almost getting eaten by a giant weasel.

Causes massive property damage with Polly while on the streets of Newtopia, and later breaks into Newtopia University in hopes of finding a rad college party. The second one was Polly's idea, but Anne had no problem going along with it.

A team effort along with her frog family. Sending a giant chicken to attack Wartwood. Which BTW can create tornadoes, breathe fire, and even turned their loved ones into stone, all because they forgot to buy everyone gifts. Sure, Anne was against the idea, but she still went along with it.

What do characters usually respond with when Anne admits her mess ups?! "It's okay! You're good! What you did was serious, but it doesn't matter that we almost died, as long as you learned your lesson."

Though Anne still at least got a lot better, as the worst things she's done in Season 3 were covering up some major plot points from her parents, robbing a museum to get a clue on how to find a way back to Amphibia, and tricking Blair the Balloonist into flying a hot air balloon. Though, the first one is still a little f*cked up, but she did have selfless reasons for doing these, and she came clean for 2/3 of these.

But still, 90% of this show is just a lighthearted slice of life cartoon, but when it shifts to its dark story driven and plot twisting side, this is where the narrative (and by some extent Anne herself) gets pretty hypocritical. It's pretty much when Anne messes up and lies to other characters. It's a simple error in judgment. But when other main characters such as Sasha, Marcy, and even Hop Pop do the same to her, first they gotta face hell for it, and then they get their redemption arc.

Yes! They did do some serious sh*t, and Anne had a right to be mad at them. But it seems that other characters are just not allowed to even stay mad at Anne when she does pretty similar sh*t. I mean, yes, she does try to make up for it, and yes, she admits what she's done most of the time, and eventually, she does become a better person from them. But so have Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy. But again, they didn't get the protagonists treatment. They got hurt and thrown around like ragdolls because of one or two big mistakes, and even that wasn't enough.

While Anne sometimes faces some consequences for her actions, like breaking Hop Pop's heirloom cane with HP giving her dish duty for a month (Cmon man! You should've given her way more than that!), gets banned from an arcade because she threatened to eat newt kids for cutting in line (which is not important), and most importantly, gets stranded in Amphibia after being peer pressured by her friends to shoplift it, all on her 13th birthday. Which I guess was enough for karma itself to feel so bad for her that she will hardly ever worry about facing any lasting consequences for her misdeeds ever again. While karma beats the cr*p out of others who would dare lie and betray our precious protagonists, even when they have sympathetic reasons for doing so.

Speaking of, this leads to me to clarify something that some fans have misinterpreted since the beginning of the series. The flashback scene in the second episode, "Best Fronds," was intended to show where Anne's distorted views on friendship and some of her toxic traits come from. Not to justify every single bad decision Anne has ever made, like what some fans think.

While I'm not gonna say that Anne was just as bad as Sasha before Amphibia, as it does show that Anne had her own personal flaws that she had to get through without depending on her friends. Who were more enabling her flaws than causing them.

However, while the show does try to show that Anne wasn't exactly much better in their friend dynamic than they were. For the reasons I mentioned earlier, it instead paints Anne as the least toxic one or not being toxic at all. With them only making a handful of moments that show that even after their betrayals, Anne still isn't much better than them. But the usual wacky slice of life narrative in her character development episodes downplays the severity of her actions, with Anne only just getting an emotional lesson after nearly getting everyone killed, and some of the said lessons being brought up in a few episodes to test her character or as examples to show others how much she has grown.

Now, I'm going to do some comparisons between Amphibia and The Owl House. While there are several things that Amphibia did better than TOH and about an equal amount of things TOH did better than Amphibia. One of those things that The Owl House did better than Amphibia was the writers treating each and every character fairly. The characters make mistakes and learn from them without the narrative downplaying the seriousness of their mistakes, and it isn't always "Okay! You're forgiven! What you did was serious, but it doesn't matter that we almost died. You learned your lesson, and that's what matters." While it doesn't give other characters the short end of the forgiveness stick for doing similar sh*t. With that, it also makes the character arcs a little bit better, in my opinion.

However, I'm not saying that Anne's character development was bad or that Matt Braly is treating Anne like how some see Alex Hirsch did with Mabel. The show did alright with changing a bratty teenager with flawed views of friendship into a true and selfless hero. All of what I described seems to what TV Tropes would call "Protagonist Centered Morality," and if I'm being honest, but because of that reason, I don't find Anne to be the most appealing character to me. I'm sorry! I know that a lot of you love her, and she's the second most popular character in the show; with the first being Marcy (my favorite), but I don't even dislike her either. I just feel that the narrative could've done better in treating the characters more fairly, like how TOH did with their characters. I really want to like Anne more than I do now, but for what I described, it makes it kinda hard for me to.

That's it for my opinions on this. This was longer than I thought, so if you read it this far or read it at all. You either think that I have a point and should do more of this or my analysis stinks, and I should never speak my dumb mind again. I'll probably see how this goes either way. If anybody else here still cares about this show.

[tenderhungering]

Men & Glory: The Revered and The Reviled

God told me I was forgiven and then he split me open

Late Night With The Devil places a lot of emphasis on worship. Be that a religion, a lover, wealth or power. But it feels an awful lot like at the end of this worship always lies another man. An all-seeing powerful one that you feel less than around, one that you can comfort yourself (or fear) in knowing they are what is leading your life for you.

Before I had even finished the film, and I saw Gus beginning to split himself open to rid himself of the worms that lived inside of him, those that were a constant paranoia he thought he only had to worry about externally, unaware that his fear was so deep inside of him that it become the perfect home for it, I noticed he wore a cross.

Not that a cross is anything out of the ordinary to see on someone. But he wore it underneath his clothes, near his chest, dear to him. A succor. It's especially ironic since he was dressed as the devil earlier in the film. But he took it off surprisingly soon (I thought he was going to wear it the entire night since it was a Halloween special!).

I'm not sure where I'm headed with this specifically but him wearing a devil costume despite being the only character we see show devotion to a religion is making me want to dig a little deeper. Something about how much he is willing to do for the network. For Jack. Going against belief for the sake of others. Did he believe he was being punished for that? For caring for Jack?

Gus is awfully selfless in every action that he seems to take. I don't think anything he did in the film came from self-interest. He was concerned for his own safety, of course, but him constantly saying the crew and him spoke gave indication he was a solace for them, someone to go to when things got hard. He was worried for everyone!

I think he has been with Jack for so many years and has seen the man go through so much that he thought Jack seemed to act in a feverish way. But what seemed to really get me is that he told Jack he was not a bad man. Jack, you're a good man. You know better than this. You are not yourself. I know you.

But of course, he is always dismissed in his concerns. Almost in an emasculating way. He's just the sidekick to Jack, the comedic relief, the one who doesn't quite get the jokes that Jack says. Less than. On screen that is. You would think they know Gus is just playing the part but the way he is condescended seems to show otherwise, like they cannot differentiate between him on camera and off. The lines have blurred. Gus you need to learn to just take it. You don't have control around here. None of us do.

It's like being punished for stepping out of line. For committing the sin of putting himself first before the God they worship and that God is the network. This all knowing presence that rewards you for how much blood you are able to feed into it. You must dedicate yourself to it. It demands it. You and I might worship different things, Gus, but we both know that they're both bigger than you and I.

You have made the mistake of viewing Jack as the one that had any charge. As much as you plead for him to return to that old friend of yours, he is long gone. If he was split open, the worms you fear so much would fall right out of him the same as you. He is nothing but a man. You have given him the glory that is reserved only for kings. And as Jack's last name implies (Delroy = Of The King), he is not a king but rather belonging to one. He is a hunting dog taking orders. And you the prey. And the worms will return you back to the dirt. You will become one with them. But even then, that is not enough. The worms that eat you do not die and their fire is not quenched.

[ca-suffit]

yeah anon I don't want to publish ur specific ask for the reasons u said, but thank u for reminding me of this post. this post from nalyra-dreaming was part of the affirmative action drama and I think a lot of what's in this post got lost out being talked about because of that. so let's talk about it. let's comb thru this so ppl can rly understand nalyra's racism and what they're defending when they want to defend her.

first off, lol take ur own advice. but anyways. this way of speaking is crazy. this is why this whole group of besties put everyone off as time went on. that's why it's lol when ppl come to me saying nobody likes u, we prefer them. okay?? ur weird and u like being yelled at idk. these ppl read some dumb books and think they work on the show. they reference each other's fanon more than anything else. there's no discussions. they talk AT u. it's a bunch of ppl who want to be seen as smart and popular. that's it lol. "we've been trying to tell them" girl u don't work on the show stfu.

this bitch is a whole bitch. u act like u have been victimized by a black fan because you had a disagreement. u play up "I tried to listen and I agree too! poor me, THEY don't want to hear anything else but what THEY want to hear :(" and THEN u have the fckn audacity to say shit like why aren't u all listening to BLACK MAN JACOB ANDERSON. why aren't u listening to black fans? why are u here making this post to act like a victim to "mean" black fans who just don't listen to facts and logic and jacob anderson himself. why are u here twisting this shit up to pretend u have empathy for black ppl by stepping over everyone here (who does not have to filter anything for show press) and saying "actually ur all wrong and stupid and ur the REAL racists because u take away jacob and bailey's own voices."

this is a real level of fucking evil racist shit and why I'm spelling this out rly slow rn so u all understand.

"Louis is not chained to his coffin guys, he could have left, and a fight which shows off power discrepancies within the show story line is not automatically domestic abuse."

u jump thru so many hoops for lestat's defense it has made u dumb as fuck.

where was louis supposed to go? he's black, his family hates him, his husband is a demon spawn who stalks everyone down who tries to leave. who BEAT HIS ASS already at the *thought* that he'd even leave. that's not DV?? he could have left?? how are u like 50 years old and victim blaming like this and then saying u have authority over analyzing these books for the peasants here lol.

the favorite go to line from this dumb group is "they're monsters" "they're vampires." anne rice was famous in the first place for using iwtv to humanize vampires. I think she used this type of "logic" over time too tho and that's prbly where this comes from. it's a bad excuse tho. we're talking about DV but u say it's not DV and then say "they're all murderers anyway so nothing matters." girl the redemption isn't about vampirism, it's about whiteness. u big fucking dummies who can't talk about race always want to pretend this is about lestat being a vampire and how we're too stupid to understand vampires and monsters. the horror of lestat rn is his whiteness. the horror is the power that gives him as he's the least capable of rational thought in that whole "family" unit. he's ignorant, controlling, and quick to anger. he never tries to fix his ignorance, he makes excuses for all his behavior because he CAN. because society allows him to do that! louis and claudia can't make any mistakes or be forgiven because black ppl are not given that same grace. u can call lestat a monster because on a white man that's still an attractive quality. ppl LUV white serial killers and abusers so much and hype them up like they're galaxy brain heroes. calling a black person a monster is just every day. with no benefit. that's the one u rly believe is the threat and then u shoot to kill.

she's so dumb omfg. isolation doesn't mean put in an empty room. lestat wove himself into every aspect of louis' life so that louis could not exist without him. yes, on a level, louis was showing off his man, but u see how the "roots" take hold more and more over time. he's living in lestat's house, lestat is now the one driving the car. more and more lestat is telling them what they're doing and becoming critical of what louis will not give up. acting up v loudly when he doesn't get his way (he brings antoinette in when louis isn't "acting right" so he can torture louis at his job so he'll fix himself already, then he "allows" louis to see other people except now I'm gonna overreact about that too, now I've chased claudia off but btw did u know I've always had a big dick and u not being fun for me anymore is why all of this has ever happened??)

again with the evilness of trying to prove ur shit point by saying "if u disagree with me then u hate black people (jacob anderson) even tho I'm speaking over all black ppl here with this post." ok lestat lol. u are always trying to excuse lestat's actions for being what they are by saying there's a book reason behind it or saying louis or whatever black or brown character is the REAL abuser. do u think abuse has to be intentional to count as abuse? do u rly think lestat's actions are justified when he could have easily explained any of it without doing all that? his response to louis' depression is to do everything I wrote above. u think that's not abuse? u think that's not isolation? "be my companion" but he didn't mean emotionally. u don't think that's maybe the arc lestat is going to have to go thru to be a better partner to louis? what do u think his arc is then, louis just made it all up and soon we won't have to care about race and lestat has been a cool guy this whole time just kidding?? anne rice rly gave u a smooth ass brain.

I don't even know what this means. u all love to skip over points and just say "okay SWEETIE u just don't understand dark themes and monsters, u won't ever get it." okay U, SWEETIE, ur 50 years old, talk slow for me. I know u can do it. if u want authority then prove u know ur shit. a loud voice by itself doesn't do anything but yell. but this is all mama rice taught u tho. so here we are lol.

"everything is unreliable narration except for lestat who is always telling the truth because his egotistical crazy ass white woman author who wanted to be a white man so badly and wrote in his voice IRL to yell at ppl for real said he's telling the truth" u are all so crazy and racist and then u get big mad when ppl notice how crazy and racist u are lol. this gap between series airing has been annoying af but it's sure exposed ur asses because ur not smart like u think u are. when someone rly shows up and breaks down ur arguments to ur face and that is the sole reason I'm here, u all have nothing to say anymore. so fuck u lol enjoy this well earned fallout.

[goddess-of-all-creation]

Chapter 3: Room for connection

(Chapter list / Read on ao3)

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He really hadn’t been hungry until she insisted on having a proper meal. Only when the first bite of exquisitely cooked lamb touched his lips, he realized it had been a day since he had eaten anything. And years since he had eaten actual good food like this. Not having to pay for it was also a plus.

There was something interesting, and he took a mental note of this: Kay had no trouble passively controlling an entire staff of cooks and a waiter to stay a little past their shift just for them. Either that or her mutation worked as a command. He’d have to ask later.

“It’s a really long story. So, I’m pretty hated back home. For a reason, I did make some mistakes. But I was a part of a group, we were like family, I had something good going on. They weren’t exactly like me, but they took me in and made me feel like home. And after all that stuff happened, everyone just turned their backs on me. No matter that I had essentially helped them save the world. The only friend I thought I had… he never stopped resenting me. And I did try, I tried so hard to be better. But everyone wanted my head. So, I found a way to escape that universe. And that’s how I ended up here.” Kay brought some food to her mouth and then thought about it for a second before speaking with her mouth full. “Huh, I guess that wasn’t that long of a story.”

“I understand.” He said, and how did he understand. Maybe not the whole changing universe thing, which did intrigue him. But he could easily believe that the world had turned against her and not forgiven her mistakes. Without asking what those mistakes had been, he believed she tried to make it better. He would’ve liked for someone to believed he tried too.

“So you’re not freaked out by me being from another universe? Another universe around forty years in the future?”

Erik put down his fork and knife and looked in her eyes. Her warm chocolate eyes almost seemed too innocent. Yet he recognized the lines on her face and the tired look that she had in her. They were the same he had after all. “I have faced evil before. I have encountered people with all sorts of gifts, all of them powerful and all of them defeated one way or another. I will always stand by one of ours.” He had a feeling that being completely earnest with her would be the best approach, and he hoped to be right. “So no, I’m not “freaked out”. I’m amazed.” She flushed, and her not-so-innocent eyes smiled at him before her lips did.

The walk to the hotel had been comfortably silent until they arrived there. Erik had wanted to ask a thousand questions, but he’d never dare ruin the brief moment of peace they had. Both of them deserved it. Before they reached the building, she was the one to speak first.

“I don’t think my country exists here.”

“I’m sorry”

“Eh, it’s fine. It was a horrible place. Torn apart by war and authoritarian regimes, and the ones who wanted to make it better were looked at as criminals. I guess it’s better gone. Maybe that’d save a lot of people some pain.” They kept walking and all Erik could come up with was sorry again. He knew war a little bit too well to not understand why she’d say that.  “Anyways, I don’t really have a place to go so I guess I’ll just be a tourist. I’ve always wanted to travel. Well, travel and enjoy it.” They laughed, and that was the last thing said that night other than ‘good night' when they naturally gravitated to getting their own room.

Not even a long hot shower had managed to calm him down. He stirred in bed for what felt like hours. There was so much he wanted to do now that now that had the freedom to. He didn’t know where to start. And there was also the girl… Images of her kept flooding his thoughts as he tried to sleep. The idea of other universes had absolutely never crossed his mind. Weather that was true or not was irrelevant, it was palpable that she was something extraordinary either way. After an entire life of being around deceptive people Erik had a talent for figuring people out.

But if there was another universe… how different was it to the one he knew? And there was also her power. How amazing had that been to see, to feel. Not only her mutation, but the actual raw power that she displayed while using it. What was the full extent of it? What else was it useful for? He wondered… but he shouldn’t, he should be focusing on different matters. Hours passed before he finally fell asleep, tangled in the sheets, thinking about her.

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The Hotel Bristol was a nice semi-luxurious place, comfortable and nicely decorated. A nice change to the gloomy atmosphere of the city. But it was just a building. And there was only so much relaxing he could do. His hands had started to tremble with the feel of every metallic object around him. But he abstained from making a spectacle not wanting to attract any attention to himself. Just in case.

 The first day he had only met Kay for lunch. By then he had woken up, exercised, gone for a walk around the city and started reading a book. She had slept until the afternoon; Erik was jealous. “I think I’m gonna take it easy tonight. Go shopping, check out the night life…”

“I don’t think you’re going to find much night life here, but I hope you enjoy it”

“Don’t you wanna come?”

It’s not like Erik had plans that he was running late for. But he still thought taking that many hours shopping for clothes was a little excessive. Kay had asked his opinion on many outfits, which he was happy to give, but she had left the store with several bags of clothes-clothes that were very similar to the ones she already had. Only a tad bit more fitting and time period appropriate.

“Why did you pay for it? I could’ve used my tricks you know…” She was trying her best to carry all the bags but two of them were slipping away from her full hands. He took them, brushing against her hand in the process and sending a small electric sensation through his arm she didn’t seem to aware of.

“I know you could, you’ve been not-paying since yesterday. It was only fair I did it this time. It’s what a gentleman would do” Feeling just a little vainglorious, he flashed a smug smile at her. She looked away as the color rose to her cheeks. He knew he had to make her blush again, and all the time if possible.

“Hey look, a museum!” She practically dragged him inside. He couldn’t bring himself to love it, if he was being honest. Admiring the artists skill, still didn’t bring him  much amusement, going from room to room just looking at things was at least a light excercise. Kay, instead, seemed to be impressed by every single piece. “Oh. My. God. Look at that landscape!” She said in semi whisper. She’d point and comment on the little details at every turn, and occasionally her face would adorably light up with joy at a specific piece she liked a lot.

That night they decided to share some wine after dinner. Her room had a slightly nicer view of the city than his, and they sat together at the little loveseat near the window.

“You had a family too, right?” The question was thrown on him like a bucket of ice cold water. He could taste in his mouth the rage he had been pretending was not there. She didn’t know, she was just curious. It still didn’t hurt any less.

“I did.” He had to look away as he wondered if he was going to tell her the whole story. The lights outside were dim, and the city was really not much to look at. Could he tell her? Erik shifted in his seat when it hit him: he might not see her again after that night. “We were divided. We were hunted down because we chose to fight for our right to live. Some were killed, some suffered worse than that. And I wasn’t…” His voice cracked and he took a second to continue. “I couldn’t save them.”  He quickly took another sip. This wasn’t his usual scotch that he could gulp down and get lost in the bitterness, but it would have to do.

“I’m sorry.” Kay grabbed his hand. And it was only then he realized his wrist was uncovered. She looked down and saw the numbers tattooed on him. He had been wishing for decades that it could stop hurting. He thought she’d drop his hand, but she squeezed it instead forcing him to look at her. Her tan skin was gleaming and her lips were full, maroon tinted from the wine. He didn’t want her pity; he didn’t even want the comfort of having her around. It started making him feel safe, and he knew that was a mistake. He had that before and look how it turned out. But he couldn’t help himself from being honest. Blame the wine, or the inebriating aura she gave off, but he had to tell her why he was really there.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. I wouldn’t want you to come with me where I’m going.” Only then he looked into her eyes. “But I don’t want to leave you alone either.”

“Look,” Now it was her turn to shift in her seat. Her hand left his, taking away her body heat and leaving him cold. “I will be fine alone. I always am. I’m not afraid of anything this world has to throw at me. It may sound naïve, but I can guarantee you I’m speaking from experience. I will be okay without you.”  His heart sank and he was prepared to leave in that second. “But I don’t want to be. I’ve been liking this, and if you want me to tag along, I’m up for it. You’re cool, and it’s not like I have much else going on.”

He slept like shit that night. Knowing what followed, he was still on the fence about taking her with him. But she had accepted, even after the warning.

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●

The next morning found him on her room doorstep again, hesitant to knock. Just when he thought he was too much of a coward to confront her and too proud to take her with him, the door opened by itself, leaving a trail of purple smoke.

“Come in.” Kay came out of the bathroom in jeans and an undershirt, and Erik felt like he had stepped into an intimate moment. Her hair was wet and she was trying her best to shake off the water with a towel. “Ah, screw it” she said, and with another puff of purple, water droplets flowed up in the air out of her hair and into the floor and walls. She put on a shirt on without acknowledging his presence, and then turned to face him as she grabbed a bag and her jacket. “So, where to?” The dark circles around her eyes, and her deeper-than-usual voice gave away how tired she was, even when her tone was energetic and almost cheerful. Maybe too cheerful for the place they were going.

[laurfilijames]

What is your favorite Pete Dunham moment and why? Also, please could you rank your GSE member favorites in order.

Look at you just strutting into my ask box with the two most difficult questions!!

As you're well aware, every Pete Dunham moment is my favourite moment...

But if I HAVE to choose, it has to be at the beginning when he shows up to Steve and Shannon's and meets Matt for the first time. He's drunk, cocky, and being a total prick but in a loving way, and it makes me smile every damn time.

"Jesus, Shannon, you look rough...."

Then singing to his nephew Ben 🥹 and when he explains how he's meant to be going to the match but lost his wallet and his keys...

And then of course the "Fineeee thanksss" in his mocking American accent that makes me grin so hard my cheeks hurt.

I really like how this scene set you up to think that he is a complete irresponsible hooligan, only to realize later that's not at all the case. Fooled me the first time I watched it!

Ugh. Everything about him makes me lose my mind.

AS FOR THE LADS.

I already told you this was like picking a favourite kid and I feel a bit guilty for it, but here we go.

Swill just like Pete, if I have a shit day, the minute I see this lunatic beating the piss out of someone with a rubbish bin and screaming c*nt- I'm fixed. He is just too funny. He also cares so much about his mates (see: him checking on Ike when he gets that bad cut on his head) and also was incredibly welcoming to Matt. He's clearly passionate about anything he's involved in from fighting to discussions about the people portrayed in films getting rightfully credited 🤣 and I don't think there would ever be a dull moment being around him.

Ned I don't know what it is about this one, but he makes me go 🥰🥰🥰🥰 he's hilariously cocky and has a bit of that "I'm small but tough" personality, and when he realizes that Matt never mentioned him in his journal he is GUTTED 💔 it's okay, Ned, I'll give you a hug.

Dave Ahh the Pilot. Forever responsible and caring, and has the warmest aura about him. To me, he feels like the "Big Brother" of the group. He always buys the rounds, and ALWAYS has Pete's back even when some of the others begin to falter. The fact that he will get into a scrap and then go fly a commercial jet with bruises on his face and vice versa with landing his plane and getting his pilots uniform all bloody is BDE, and I'm sure you'll be happy to tell me more about that 😉

Ike He seems to me as a very ordinary lad. Not one to stand out. Kind of hangs in the middle of the group. He's neutral, Switzerland. I see some of myself in that. Not interested in confrontation, and is always there for his mates to share pints or take down the next firm. I like that he's married, but I gotta admit he needs a new hair do.

Bovver Ohhhh Bov. I have complicated feelings about this one. He majorly fucked up. His jealously toward Matt was not at all warranted, and despite Pete trying to ease his ill-will toward him, he chose not to trust his best mate which inevitably lead to The Thing™️ we do not talk about. I do think that despite that mistake, Bov is loyal (to a fault) and would do anything for his mates (see: the end before the part we do not talk about when he shows up to help Pete and saves Shannon) I like to think that he would quickly redeem himself and would easily be forgiven by his mates, which is what I have chosen to go with in my fic where The Thing™️ does not happen and they all realize that life is too short for such pettiness.

Keith I feel bad putting him last on the list but, we really don't have much to go on with Keith other than his dodgy hair cut (do him and Ike have the same deranged barber??) Just like some of the other ones though, I like that we got a glimpse of him in a normal working environment that contrasts to the insanity of the hobby they participate in their free time. He never had many lines in the film, but I do love his "so he's a Yank and an undercover journo... looks like we'll have to give the boy two funerals." when him, Ned and Bov are being all gangster in his car to confront the situation.

In conclusion, I love them all dearly, and want to hug them and give them a forehead smooch.

Also, I think it's a given that Pete is my number one forever and always which is why I didn't include him in the ranking...

Thank you for sending me this when I've been poorly and needing something to make me smile and for giving me another excuse to go on about them more than I already do 💗💗

[2c75ff]

♛ + Viopolis ( would not blame you for choosing to focus on just one muse; I have a decently-sized roster and feed a bunch into them when I have the chance )

🔵 -- 'MY OPINION ON...' meme . ACCEPTING

my opinion on;

CHARACTER IN GENERAL. I've chosen to focus on Nucleotide for this particular response, henceforth referred to as 'Cleo'.

One of my favorite things about Cleo thus far is how his very existence, and the fact that he's such a mental mess about it in the first place, raises a variety of weighty questions about the nature of his being and the overall place he occupies in the world.

(For instance: is he fated -- [doomed, even] -- to be 'bad' just because his progenitor was? Do his origins mean that he didn't deserve a chance at life in the first place? Does his unstable sense of belonging within a broader community -- in combination with the ever-present, latent threat that he could very well present to humanity if he ever chose to -- mean that he's inherently evil? How much of his emotional struggles [with himself and with others] is he allowed to show and be forgiven for before those things should be held against him or taken as proof of some kind of inherited and inescapable malevolence? Is he allowed to make mistakes, regress, or fluctuate emotionally in the way that others often do without it being seen as a sign that he's just a ticking time bomb waiting to inevitably go off? Will he ever be considered 'good', or is he always going to be just one wrong move away from becoming a villain [perhaps one he was always meant to be] in the eyes of those around him? The list truly does go ever on and on.)

And here's the thing about it. While I might have my own responses to all of those questions, I can't necessarily take for granted that my answers are 'right' within the scope of the universe Cleo operates in, or that they fall in line with whatever fate (or in this case, you) might have in store for him. He truly is a creature of opposites -- a chimeric, conflicted, deeply confused entity caught in the midst of warring urges and warring inputs that, when you get right down to it, are not actually his fault. He can't help the who, what, why of his existence, and yet everyone who crosses paths with him can see it and bring their own baggage to the table. It's never solely, truly about him. It's unfortunate. It's unfair. The world he was brought into really is just that kind of bitch sometimes -- and yet here he is all the same, making some kind of unsure, fumble-footed effort to stay on the right side of The Line, for all that he doesn't always necessarily feel that kind of charitable and for all that he isn't always necessarily graceful about it. He may or may not be doomed by the narrative in the long run, but the fact that he even cares in the first place about being accepted, about having a place, about being good says more about him than he himself might realize.

What's more relatable than the struggle of not wanting the wreckage of your being to be seen for exactly what it is, while simultaneously longing for just the same?

What's more relatable than wanting someone to See, and not look away in the end?

(...Okay, yeah; I'm big attached already. Call me out, why don't you.)

HOW THEY PLAY THEM. One of your strengths that I'm already noticing as I gain familiarity with your blog -- (and this applies to everyone you play; not Cleo alone) -- is that you allow your characters ample room to be difficult, wrong, or ugly, even (or perhaps especially) if they aren't necessarily villainous or 'bad people'.

It's always seemed to me that many writers struggle with some protective sentiments toward the characters they play, especially if those characters are OCs -- a certain desire for the characters to not act foolishly and to not be pathetic; to always have 'an excuse' for why the moments when they're wrong, or making a poor choice, or otherwise exhibiting any kind of unattractive trait shouldn't be held against them. By comparison, you seem to treat your characters' traits less as inherent negatives and more as parts of the greater whole which must be seen and acknowledged in order to understand the entirety of the picture. No more and no less. You let them have their good, their bad, their everything in between, without trying to buff away their imperfect facets. The end result, in my opinion, is a pleasingly complicated sense of 'realness'.

Bringing this back more specifically to Cleo, you take care to explain his conflicted nature, permit him to have negative traits both large and small, and don't try to convince your audience that he's above reproach or entirely clean-handed in the moments where he actually expresses those traits or otherwise acts in ways that would make him difficult for most people to handle. For a multitude of reasons, Cleo would be a hard person with whom to develop or maintain any kind of meaningful relationship; and I think you're good at striking an important balance between making him sympathetic, and letting him still be troubled in ways that have effects on and consequences for those around him. He's isolated, yet not an island. I can't help but feel a very particular variety of affectionate over him.

THE WRITER. Right up front, I appreciate the fact that you present yourself in an engaging, friendly, enthusiastic manner, without "uwu-ify"-ing yourself in the process. I understand that many people are shy and/or anxious, and that there's a certain, unspoken expectation in many of these kinds of spaces for players to preemptively assuage others' nerves by making themselves appear as small and non-threatening as possible. However, I am very much an adult -- (I do taxes. I have a Roth IRA.) -- and find that I gravitate most readily toward other adults who occupy their space with a certain measure of basic self-assurance. You do that without coming across like a hard-ass, and I find that wildly refreshing.

do i;

FOLLOW THEM. Of course. RP WITH THEM. Not yet. WANT TO RP WITH THEM. Naturally. SHIP THEIR CHARACTER WITH MINE. I would need to see these two in action with each other before I could properly say -- get an idea of the initial flavor of the dynamic, gauge where and how that dynamic might progress given time and tending; all that. I'd be absolutely open to the possibility though if indeed a facet like that proved to be both reasonable for them and interesting for us. In any case I can see abundant opportunities for a great deal of long-term emotional strangeness on both their ends, regardless of whether or not romantic chemistry ever gets involved.

And if indeed it does get involved, then what an extra fun little minefield they'll be navigating when the time comes where those strange pains in Cleo's ribs and abdomen sprout at last into something greater...

(Why yes, I am forever snared within the jaws of my fondness for scenarios with thematic similarities to [a] The Shape of Water, and [b] The Fly. Why do you ask?)

what is my;

OVERALL OPINION. 'I would die for [him]. I would kill for [him]. Either way, what bliss.'

[ @viopolis ]

[away-ward]

Reality

for @elainscheron.

1.5k words

Summary: Morning in the Carfax room sees Emory falling back into old ways of thinking.

Emory pov, set before she meets Rika for wedding dress shopping.

Emory

I wait until the last second to leave the bed and get ready. Rika awaits and I guess when the Queen calls, we must answer.

No. Stop that, I tell myself. Rika’s nice. And the others seem nice too. I’m the heinous bitch, remember.

As I gather my clothes from yesterday, I mentally make a list of things I need to get done. Obviously, I’ll be moving back to Thunder Bay and I’ll have to deal with all that comes with it. I can’t pretend problems don’t exist forever. That’s always been Will’s forte; I usually have a firm stake in reality, excluding the past few days.

“You’re worried about something. I can see it.”

I look at him over my shoulder after slipping the shirt over my head. Will sits at the edge, elbows resting on his knees, green eyes watching my every move. It’s crazy how much I enjoy that. “A few days and you thing you know everything about me?”

“Days?” he chuckles. “Try twelve years.”

I do the math and realize he’s right. We’ve known each other for twelve years though it feels like longer.

“Talk to me, trouble. What is it?”

I move to grab my jeans, startled when his hand shoots out and grabs my wrist. “I’ve got to get ready if I’m going to meet Rika.”

“Screw Rika.”

I tip my head, looking up at him with mocking doubt. “That’s not how you treat friends, or so I hear.”

“Rika’s forgiven me for worse things than this.” His hold tightens on my wrist, but not painfully. It’s anchoring me to him. My heart picks up. The beat of it makes me nervous and I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this. “I’m not letting you go until you talk. Not this time.”

He’s made that clear. Yesterday, the day before, and last night all over again…he asked me – begged me, really – to not wake up, and I promised to still be me when I do.

Promises are easier to make than keep, no matter what our intentions are.  

“You haven’t...” he trails off. I watch his throat move as he swallows the rest of the words.

“Changed my mind?” I laugh humorlessly. “Just try to get this ring back, I dare you.” I told him I loved him and I meant it. There’s no way I can return to my old life. He’ll have to kill me and then cut it off.

He lets out a breath that shakes with relief and then he tries for his usual levity to break the tension. “A person then? What, you got a boyfriend back in San Fran I don’t know about?”

“Oh yeah,” I nod. “More than one. A whole biker gang, in fact. And a marine. You’ll probably need to fight them for me Scott Pilgrim style.”

Will shrugs, up for the challenge. “Line ‘em up.”

I really laugh at that. He would, too. And if there’s anything I learned this week, it’s that he’d win.

He relaxes his hold on my wrist and his hand glides up my arm, over my shoulder and wraps around my neck so that I’m forced to look at him.

“Em,” he pleads. His eyes move between mine, reading what I can’t say. I don’t even know what I’d say if I could find the words to describe what’s going on. There’s no telling what he’s going to find.

My own confusion reflects back at me in his eyes. It’s that how it’s always been with us? “These past few days, you dove right in. You were here with me, Alex, my friends—"

I rip my head away suddenly. He’s hit the nail on the head and the knowledge of it floods my brain, overwhelming me.

Of course, he misinterprets. “Alex? You’re worried about Alex?” Will asks, sounding as exasperated as I feel.

“I’m not worried about Alex,” I tell him. Honestly, their relationship is the last thing on my mind.

Will doesn’t look like he believes me. He’s not mad about it. We’re over being angry at each other for our mistakes. Instead, he looks desperate, searching for anything to convince me.

“I’m not,” I insist. I push him back to the bed and force him to sit so that I can stand over him. I grab the sides of his face and pour every bit of truth in me into my next words. “I’m not worried about Alex. I can’t promise I’ll never be jealous of her because she has seven years with you. Seven years that were supposed to be mine.”

The last sentence comes out on sort of a growl that I can’t suppress.

Will grins, loving every bit of it. He always makes the grand, epic speeches telling me what I am and what we are and what we’re going to do. I guess it’s my turn. His hands brush up my thighs and settle on my waist, pulling me closer.

“Seven years I’ll never get back, that she’ll always have. But I’m not worried about her. Your friends seem to have some weird unspoken rules and I can’t say I get all of them, but bottom line, I’m into it.”

“Then what is it?” he asks as his thumbs rub circles on my tummy. It does nothing but riling up the very horny butterflies that seem to have taken up residence.

I hedge, “It’s someone else.”

“Someone else?” His grip tightens again, all his passion and ferocity going into keeping me in place. “If it’s not Alex, and there’s no one back in San Francisco, then who…if you say this is about Aydin, I’ll—"

I squeeze his face when I’ve heard enough and I can’t take it anymore. “It’s me, Will. The other someone is me.”

It’s kind of cute how he stops, blinking with bewilderment. His lips twitch with unformed thoughts as he tries to parse through what I’ve been thinking.

“Or the me you’ve spend the last twelve years dreaming about.” I wrap my arms around his neck and move to straddle his lap, a position I’m very quickly become familiar with. Have been familiar with. “What if I can’t measure up to her. What if I can’t be her every night. What if I never fit in with your friends the way…” My eyes drift to a spot behind him.

I know he thinks this too. He set the Cove on fire and decided I didn’t need to be a part of it. Not like them. Doesn’t that give some indication to his feelings on the matter. The only time he’s done something like that with me was homecoming, when I wasn’t me.

He sees where I’m looking and follows, finally seeing what’s been haunting the corner of my vision since I got up. The pink dress I wore to homecoming still hangs from the rafter, a ghostly reminder.

This is insane. I'm jealous of who I am in the dark; of how easy it is for her to just be.

All at once, it clicks into place for him because he can be clever when he wants to be. “There is no other you. That girl was the imagining of a spoiled, insecure little boy with a fantasy. That girl,” he nods over his shoulder, “that girl stole moments and nights to keep for herself. From what I’ve seen since we left the island, you don’t need to steal anything and hide it away. You take it, whatever makes you happy.”

I shake my head, but he stops me. “You broke a felon out of jail yesterday, before proposing to me on the street,” he says, smirking with glee. “I think I know what I’m talking about.”

I’ve been impulsive, sure, but this whole week is starting to feel like a vacation from reality. A fever dream, if there ever was one. Reality will come back around again and when I can’t keep it up, will he be content with all his decisions.

���Never have I been as happy as I was last night in this bed with you. It’s you; I gotta you and nothing else. I tried drugs and alcohol, friends and sex. Nothing works like holding you. Tell me you don’t feel the same.”

Will moves in closer but then stops before he meets my lips. His eyes study me and I realize he’s giving me a chance to answer instead of just taking the moment for himself. Aww, he’s learning.

I close the distance on my own, because he���s right. Nothing has ever felt better than spending hours wrapped up in him and I hate that I’m being forced to leave. I push closer to him as he dives in deep with his tongue, pushing away all my thoughts.

“Stop,” he warns, breathless against my lips, “or you’re not going to make it out of here.”

I love that. I’m not gonna lie, it feels good to know I’m his addiction and all those other things were just substitutes. It goes a long way to kill any doubts I have.

And I have an addiction, too. I guess I’ve always known, but the first step is admitting it, right?

I’m addicted to being the girl that makes him breathless.

Reality can go fuck itself. I’m here to stay.

--

Thank you for reading! I apologize for any mistakes.

@elainscheron, I hope this is enough to make up for the Alex post. I did try, but I just didn't seem any room for Emory to have serious doubts about Alex in the context of nightfall. Emory literally says she isn't worried about it and while I struggle with how easy it was for Em, I don't want to go against canon in this instance. But there is a little wiggle room with her jealousy.

More than that, I struggled with how easy it was for Emory to just become someone else. Maybe the argument can be made that it's who she's always been and she's just been suppressing herself her entire life, but even then change is hard, so I tried to go at it from that angle.

A lot of this is sort of brought up already, but we all relapse into old ways of thinking occasionally, right? Could be that I'm always dying for more Emory content and I want an entire book of just her.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

Master List

[serafiel-jacobs]

Ugly Doll (Fanfic)

New Chapter from my Carlo and Pinocchio AU series 💚

Pinocchio had found a small rag doll while they were exploring, it had blonde hair and a torn-up pink dress, her face slightly stained with cinder, she was missing one of her button eyes and one of her arms, and there was a small mouse next to her before he had picked her up, and ever since he took her, he didn’t let go of her, when going outside Pinocchio would tie her up to his belt so that she wouldn’t fall.

Carlo watched from afar as Pinocchio played with the doll in his room, well, he didn’t exactly play with her, he would hold her in his hands, or line her up with the other things he had collected, as well as hugging the doll. Carlo turned around, he wanted to give his brother more privacy, so he went to see his father who was holding a drawing Pinocchio had recently given him.

It was the three of them together, holding hands, Carlo could tell that his father was starting to get sentimental.

“I’m sorry” Geppetto would constantly apologize to the two of them.

“You sound like a broken record at this point” replied Carlo.

“Son, please you don’t have to pretend that-“

“I’m not pretending anything”

“… that this doesn’t bother you”

Carlo looked away from him, but it was a bad idea because in the wall his portrait of when he was a child was still hanging in there, Carlo stared at it, specifically at his face, it was the part of his body that had changed the most.

He doesn’t want to be angry at his father anymore, he brought him back from being dead that’s something that’s not easy to do, but it hurt, hurt when he woke up, and he felt so angry, that he got violent and attacked him, and his father had to stop him.

While sealed in the box, it felt like he was in a deep slumber, until he started to feel something, or rather someone, Carlo began to communicate with Pinocchio, he felt calm, and the fog in his mind began to clear; due to their connection, when Pinocchio collected ergo he mostly gave it to him, his brother was so kind, because lacking Ergo ended up hurting him a lot while fighting. Carlo has a P organ now, his father made another one so that he could collect Ergo of his own, the more Ergo he collects, the better he feels, not only physically but mentally.

Still, Carlo is lying to himself, because it does bother him, he just hates being pitied, he needs to prove himself, and he needs to show what he is capable of.

“I’ll get over it”

“Carlo please look at me” Geppetto knew that his son was hurting, that he was pretending that he could overcome this by himself.

Carlo turned to face his father, it was better than looking at the painting.

“You don’t have to go through this alone, you… always tend to do that, wanting to do things by yourself that were too much for you”

“And who’s fault is that?” Carlo had to learn to become self-reliable, “I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a kid, not thanks to you”

“I’m sorry, Carlo, I know I should have-“ But Geppetto was cut short.

“Stop apologizing” Carlo had already forgiven his father, and it bothered him that he kept asking for forgiveness, it just reminded him of the bad times and he didn’t want to think about that.

“Look son, I just want to help, I understand all of my mistakes, and that I’m not good at comforting you or your brother, but I need to stop making excuses, I’m your father and I need to be there for you” Geppetto stood up from his chair and made his way towards Carlo, gently touching his face, “From now on, I promise you, you can count on me”

A few tears fell from Carlo’s eyes, “Is it too much to want a normal life?” Carlo asked, but he knows he will never have a normal life, once this disaster is over what will others think of him? Will others see him as a monster and try to harm him? Or will they just pity him more?

What would they think of his father after the truth is revealed?

He knows that the best thing to do is lie to the world, Antonia and Venigni certainly won’t say anything, it’s better that everyone keeps quiet about the truth of the frenzy.

But if the truth is found out, what will they do to him?

And if something happens to either him or his father who will take care of Pinocchio?

“No, it’s not too much to ask” Geppetto hugs his son, “I know I can’t give you that, but at least, let me give you a good life, even if it’s not a normal one”

Carlo hugs his father back, it’s quiet for a few minutes until they both feel something, or rather someone, Pinocchio had ran up to them and joined in the hug.

Eventually, they all let go, and Pinocchio waved his doll around, wanting Carlo to hold her; Carlo knew that it was because his brother felt better when doing that but he didn’t want to hold that doll, it felt a bit too childish for him.

“Pino I know you mean well but a doll won’t make me feel better” Ugh, that came out wrong, he ended up sounding mean. Pinocchio shoved the doll in Carlo’s hands and he held her.

“Wow this does feel better, no wonder he carries her around everywhere,” Carlo thought to himself. He handed the doll back to Pinocchio and his brother now handed it to their father, Geppetto also felt that it was a bit comforting.

“Maybe Antonia could fix her up for you, she does know a little about sowing” Geppetto suggested to Pinocchio, but Pinocchio moved his head from side to side, indicating that he didn’t want that.

“Why not?” Carlo couldn’t understand why, if Pinocchio wasn’t careful the rag doll could break even further.

Pinocchio smiled, “She is… perfect the… way… she… is” Pinocchio spoke without having to force himself to, he still had trouble letting the words out but he spoke with his heart this time.

Geppetto and Carlo were very proud of Pinocchio, and to their surprise that wasn’t all, Pinocchio showed Carlo a drawing.

Carlo looked at the drawing, Pinocchio had drawn him and the doll together, and there was something written in the drawing:

I love you, I want you to be happy

Carlo couldn’t contain himself, so he grabbed Pinocchio and pulled him into a hug, his brother was too good, and he felt so lucky to have him by his side.

Geppetto smiled, he also felt lucky; before they left once more, he accompanied them to the stargazer, he played with Pinocchio’s hair, “Pinocchio always remember to be a good boy”

He then turned to look at Carlo, gently touching his face again, “Carlo please be a good boy as well, take good care of your brother”

They said their goodbyes and made their way out, unfortunately, they didn’t know that the next time they entered the Hotel, their father wouldn’t be there.

[onewomancitadel]

I started my day crying as I washed my face and put moisturiser on because I was thinking about Paul Muad'Dib and I realised I am the very person you were warned about for feeling too much empathy for the bad guy.

No seriously, I think the idea that empathy is 'dangerous' is itself an incredibly dangerous idea, because with it follows implicit suppositions that, a) empathy misguides your analytical judgement, b) empathy is an inhibition which cannot be overcome, c) the very presence of empathy is damning (ergo, some emotions are just inherently bad), e) by virtue, the presence of lesser or no empathy makes a given judgement 'more logical', (this is damning for the following reason), f) the usual gender stereotype that women feel empathy too much and this broadly inhibits them as a class, and as such the usual audience brought into criticism on this topic - ceaselessly - is female readers/filmgoers, whereas when we are brought to draw on 'empathy' for the poor rapist whose life was ruined by one 'mistake' (e.g. B/rock Turner), empathy is eminently and urgently necessar (to consequently excuse the fact he is a rapist).

No empathy for the victim, of course; naturally this entire model has a vested interest in protecting the status quo, not ever truly challenging anything (empathy is not transformative in any way here) and to not feel empathy for such a criminal is a moral failing (as a consequence of gender: women need to feel bad for rapists). But irrespective of that, 'true' empathy is clearly useful and moving, but it is not the complete picture (nor really the solitary path to justice). From the perspective of narrative, it is actually a task you have to take up. It's still incomplete and not representative of your entire judgement, because it is not clouding, but it is supplementary or indeed even gives you the foundation (the starting point) for your opinion (and relatedly does give system to moral virtue, but that is neither here nor there).

Hard to lay out all of that when the catchy thought-terminating cliche, 'if you felt empathy for them, you missed the point' just makes it an easier time for everybody to make a list of bad guys you're not supposed to even feel a little bad for or understand the point of personality cult and where Paul chafes against that or actively cultivates it or anything. Of course, we know the Good Guys because when you feel bad for the Good Guys, they're instaforgiven and always good, and the Bad Guys are always the Bad Guys who turn to the camera and tell you not to feel bad for them. (To be fair, Paul comes close to this in Dune Messiah. I'm referring to the Genghis Khan line. Iykyk).

Really the ultimate takeaway is that empathy is not the endpoint. It doesn't decide ultimate moral judgement. It is not aberrant to 'logic' and the capacity to recognise another person's perspective and feel something for them and consider their motivations expands your judgement - and your sense of humanity. The folly, to me, is to think there are Good People and Bad People and only Bad People do Bad Things and ever think Bad Things. In this sense the Good People are 'pre-forgiven'; empathy for them is okay because they probably had a good reason to do it and if you already can feel bad for them, it's basically the same thing as it being okay. This weaker model of 'empathy' is fucking bizarre and a tool of tyranny, and in storytelling is the death of sensible analysis. (I also think this model of moral apology is actually why people are so fucking stupid about redemption arc discourse because they have no concept of apology and atonement).

The gender comment wasn't meant to be an aside, because it's not lost on me that this policing on whether it's okay to like a bad guy worms its way into major feminine audiences and when I see male fans casting judgement it's almost always on female fans. No one cares if you like Darth Vader but maybe you got made fun of for quoting the Joker too much. 'He's literally me' over Patrick Bateman (a textual serial killer) is just boys being boys (and missing Patrick's pathos for the sake of edgy self-insert). But does anybody give a fuck about that? Not really, no. I don't think it's sufficient to make a gender commentary and just stop there, and that's not really my preferred style. Because yes, whilst I think that is a motivation here, I do think there are some even deeper movements at play with social marking and delineation in online communities [which gender can service] (e.g. I like the bad edgy characters/you are a villain apologist who likes them the wrong way) which does express itself as harrassment and bullying (it's schoolyard shit, but you encounter this in many walks of life). Fans policing other fans, fans with the 'correct' interpretation above all others which gives you license to make it very clear You Are One of the Good Ones. It's the shibboleth of fandom now: whether you like villains the Good Way or the Bad Way.

The irony is not lost on me that this typology actually reflects the naïveté of the very narrative interpretation I'm describing, and relatedly I think this is why it is genuinely an ongoing and necessary point which needs challenging. There are not People With the Correct Beliefs and People With the Incorrect Beliefs (who only have them because they are bad and evil). Sometimes you might even have the wrong ones. The capacity to reflect on that is actually very necessary. It is seriously necessary.

But then once you get into it, does liking Paul Atreides necessarily reflect real-life apologia for real-life conquerors? Rather the question I ask is, does it open up conversation for that sort of apologia? Because I think that's the question Paul's character is more interested in than just asking you to recognise why he does bad things. There is something a little more complex which isn't putting a judgement on you for empathising: it's using that empathy as an exercise. It's narrative.

That conclusion doesn't substantially matter though because the fandom discourse is always going to be more rooted in bipartisan opinions and the easiest, laziest interpretation (Paul is a self-insert power fantasy/Paul is actually a conqueror you shouldn't like at all, just as an example - insert any other villain where needed) which makes you sound the smartest. Note how long this post is. I wanted to lay out my opinion on the matter with respect to empathy with an attempt to restrain it to the context of storytelling, and it's much too long. It's easier to digest neat little soundbytes and I'm pretentious or whatever.

Paul's a fucking great character, and I can understand why Villain Enjoyers default to this position instead of what I've laid out here. It's easier that way.

I'll end this post with: I hope they adapt Dune Messiah into a film. It's my favourite Dune book.

[whatisonthemoon]

Confession in the Unification Church

MUST LISTEN: The "Cult of Confession" episode of Blessed Child podcast

One Twitter user @kijinosu describes this episode and its content: 

"In this podcast, Renee describes a feature of thought reform that I hadn't seen elsewhere in my yet brief studies. Let me label it the Big Brother effect and put it out for discussion. Listen to ‘Cult of Confession with Renee'. I call it the Big Brother effect because, as I understand it, UC's incessant report-contact-consult practice combined with group confession causes the believer to feel that they are always being watched. In response to this feeling of always being watched, the believer creates a god that covers all of the demands of the collective. Because satisfying this god then satisifes all of the collective's demands, the believer focuses just on this god. The end result is self-reinforcing thought reform that is less dependent of the collective for maintenance.”

Confession in the Unification Church

Moon and Kwak on repentance, October 1989: 

Each one of us needs heavenly wisdom to solve the problem of our own burden. To be able to live a lifestyle in which we can confess and report things to a central figure can only bring us great fortune.

Hyo Nam Kim (Dae Mo Nim) on March 9, 2002:

In the Divine Principle, is there anything written about the removal of Original sin? In the first, original Blessings, to qualify we had to confess all of our sins and repent and accept pardon as part of the condition to receive the Blessing. Yet, from 6000 Couples Blessing on, our sins were forgiven upon easier and easier conditions. Father would say, subsequently, "I will not ask about your past... just repent and recommit..."

Sun Myung Moon on April 26, 1992:

"Even now you sometimes sneak a drink. Father understands this very well, these secret drinks taste the best. Raise your hands if you sneak a drink sometimes. If you do not confess, it will carry over to the Spirit World."

From the Interview and Confession Form for BC Matching/Blessing Applicants:

It is the responsibility of your District Director (or the designated church leader or STF Director), representing the Continental Director and True Parents, to make sure that you understand the value of the Blessing and that you are prepared and qualified to attend. This confidential meeting is also your opportunity to confess any sins and perhaps receive guidance so that you can go into the Blessing with a clean conscience, free from accusation. Sin came into this world through the fall and cut us off from God, therefore it is important to confess your sins. Do not try to hide your mistakes because they will eventually come out and cause even more pain. The confession pages will stay confidentially with a representative of the Blessing Department. All three pages must be submitted to the Blessing Department.

Conference with [Black] Heung Jin Nim - Takeru Kamiyama (1987)

Before he came to New York in November 1987, I had heard many stories about his new existence in the body of a black African young man, traveling around and hearing confessions. I wondered, how can this brother really be [Black] Heung Jin Nim? Members all over the world are claiming that [Black] Heung Jin Nim has spoken through them, but how can we know if he really did?

Black Heung Jin Nim in DC by Damian Anderson

"With my own eyes, I saw this man in the Washington DC church knock people’s heads together, hit them viciously with a baseball bat, smack them around the head, punch them, and handcuff them with golden handcuffs. I had seen enough. Todd Lindsay was the first to leave. His wife was due to have a baby any day. My wife was six months pregnant at the time, and we were next in line for “confession” to the heavy-handed inquisitor."

Heung Jin Nim’s Spiritual Work by Michael Mickler:

These lectures, punctuated by songs and testimonies or sometimes lively jumping and marching, also took hours, and there was no provision for sleep during the three days. Food also was not a problem since most members were placed on fasting conditions following their confessions. Heung Jin Nim showed special concern for infertile couples and called for couples willing to give birth to a child for them to adopt. There were “tears streaming from many eyes” as “the giving and receiving couples embraced with deep emotion.” At the close of each conference, “participants were given a detailed schedule for their…lives of devotion and attendance,” including time for morning and evening prayers and for study and discussion of the Principle. Many members experienced personal liberation. Public confession or confession with one’s spouse was a prominent feature of “Black” Heung Jin Nim’s conferences. They could unburden themselves of deeply held secrets and “separate from Satan.” Within an intensely supportive environment, they could repent, make restitution as needed, and have a “second chance” to become pure. Others achieved levels of spiritual intimacy, which had been lacking.

On the MRA’s use of confession

Encyclopedia.com on Frank Buchman’s use of confession in the Oxford Group Movement:

He organized his followers into small groups where participants could confess their sins and share their religious experiences in an intimate setting; members would then seek to convert others through one-onone evangelism. Buchman's followers listened for God's plans for their lives, and measured their behavior through a moral code centered on absolute honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love (the Four Absolutes). During the 1920s Buchman developed an international network of these small groups that became known as the Oxford Group Movement.

Encyclopedia.com on Frank Buchman’s use of confession in the Moral Re-Armament Movement:

In 1938 he announced the campaign for Moral Rearmament (MRA), offering Christianity as an alternative to both communism and fascism. In the late 1930s MRA sought to prevent war by calling individuals on each side to confess their sins to the other and adhere to the Four Absolutes. During World War II it turned its energies to morale building, especially in industrial relations. MRA saw Christianity and communism as the world's two competing ideologies; during the Cold War it sought to defend the West, primarily by focusing on labor peace, strong families, and moral values. Through the 1950s the movement held international rallies and used the media skillfully; it achieved prominence by publicizing the involvement of world leaders, especially from the United States, the British Commonwealth, and Asia. 

[diivineray]

I am on the topic, but there is a reason Break remains my all-time favorite character. He was a serial killer in the past. His crimes are still being sought after. He let grief and his own personal failure to protect the people he cared about lead him down a very dark path.

He made an illegal contract and immediately started feeding people to it. 116 people. Then, when he finally fell into the abyss he meets the Will. And its a crazy meeting, he loses his left eye, she kills Albus, and then she's going cray and he makes the biggest mistake ever and tells her he will grant her wish if she changed the past for him.

And she does in fact do it, she changes the past. Except he gets pushed 100 years into the future, and when he asks about the Sinclair family, he finds out they still died and it was worse than it originally was. The one sole survivor of the family, the little girl, in her grief at losing her family makes an illegal contract and does down the same path and ultimately gets dragged into the abyss ( and likely becoming a chain herself)

He's been wanted for over 100 years, but the thing about all this is that he accepts responsibility. He doesn't say, ' I was sad, I was grieving, all I wanted was my family'; no, he doesn't even place blame on Will. She did exactly as he asked; he was the one playing with fire. And what kills me about him is that he spends the rest of his life punishing himself. He puts on this act like he doesn't care, but he does very much. but he also accepts that he isn't a good guy, and he can't be a good guy because he has a job to do and good guys aren't gonna get it done. He's willing to get his hands dirty so others don't have to. but he also has to teach these kids very harsh lessons and do it quickly to prepare them, and he's willing do that and STILL bare the most of it so they don't have to.

He might of had to turn Gil into a weapon, but he has always cared and looked out for him. Warning him that his loyalty will end up making him hurt the one he loves the most and BOOM BOOM. break uses his mistakes and teaches those harsh lessons to them out of care for them. and the fact that he cares so much is why he couldn't follow Sheryl's orders and kill Oz.

When he went blind, his body slowly killing him, he sees that as his redemption. He believes that he won't truly be forgiven until he dies. so he pushes everyone away, keeps them at a distance. acts like dying is no big deal. coughing up blood, blindess? its all punishment for his past crimes, for his present crimes, his future crimes. he will take the hits because he has to. He's my favorite morally gray kind of character because he sees the lines and knows he has to cross them because sometimes that is just how things are. and if he can keep someone else's hands clean? he'll go that far.

Its why his death ends up hitting me so hard, because finally, when it was time for him to die he realizes he had been punishing himself enough and he had more than enough atoned and he wanted to live. because at some point, you have to forgive yourself for what you did. that's the only way to move on, to let yourself feel love and know you deserve it too.

[sharusjournal]

what i am learning about love 💌

I had always thought love was supposed to be passionate and intense. selfless consuming all or nothing. never faltering. never questioning. that it had to last forever. no mistakes no wrongdoings. just rainbows and sunshine. just the silver lining part. that everything could be overcome and forgiven. always go back to each other. I read a lot of wattpad books if that helps explain things.

But I'm learning that love in simple terms is really and truly just about consideration. That is the highest form of it and the purest form of it. The passion dies down a little. Everyday life carries on despite it. The bad stuff comes into the picture. The flaws of yourself and another person. What’s left is The patience. The prioritising. In the most seemingly insignificant and smallest of things. In the things that you can do yourself or things you would’ve never thought to do but things that… make you feel seen. Make your life easier. Make you feel cared for. Taking care of you in those small moments is so intimate and tender.

It’s my dad driving hours and hours because I’m sick just to hand deliver my mum’s special soup that she woke up early to make for me. It’s him never telling me about his struggles never complaining about the hard work he does solely for his family. It’s him making sure I have enough spending money and nothing to worry about, when hes not even sure if theres enough to pay the bills. Its him feeding me a peeled orange without me ever even saying I wanted an orange. It’s him being kind to me believing in me even when I let him down. Its him in the background making sure Im okay without ever explicitly calling me or asking me.

It's my mum crying every time I have to go back for uni. It’s her discovering royal mail special delivery and cooking a month’s worth of food to send to me. It’s her buying new clothes for us when her coat has a zipper that’s long been broken and pockets coming off the seams. It’s her coming to my flat and washing my dishes and sweeping the floor before her shoes are even off. It’s her asking every night if I ate. How Im feeling. That I should sleep early. Her endless stories and advice and wisdom. It’s her making me feel so safe and cared for everytime I come home. Her making me feel like im still her loved daughter even if im miles away.

It’s my sister that would make hand written letters and drawings for me everytime I came home to comfort me. Its her making me laugh and being silly so we forget about the hard stuff. Her letting me share her bed. Her things. Her telling her friends about me. Being proud of me. Her copying me. Stealing my clothes. Her coming to me and telling me all the little details of her day. Calling me ugly and stupid but never really meaning it. I think.

 It’s my brother that seems so aloof and unbothered, but would secretly pay attention to everytime my mum cried. Who would secretly tell me. Who would be a little nicer to her that day. Who would offer his savings money when I’m joking about being a broke student. It’s him carrying the bottom of my saree when it was in a puddle without me realising. Him working extra hard just so he can beat my grades. ( Because he thinks so highly of me obviously)

It’s my friends being so invested and supportive of my exams and my studies that they would cry on my behalf. My friends that believed in me more than I believed in myself. My friends that would dress up and show up for my first holiday alone… even when they don’t even celebrate it. Who would drive for hours just to make my life a bit easier. My friends that wouldn’t let me pay for things… just because. Them wanting to spend time with me. Wanting to see me to do nothing together. It’s my friends who show up with flowers and tiramisu because they know I love them. My friends who run to buy me plasters when I say my shoes hurt. My friends that walk me home. My friends that wait for me to get home. My friends that would call me and let me cry. That would just listen. That would understand why I’m not replying. My friends that would defend me to the death. The absences that I feel so deeply.

I’m reflecting a lot on all these people in my life. It makes me cry my eyes out. Obviously, its not all great and we argue and disagree and do hurtful things. We’re completely different people, its almost inevitable that there will be things that don’t go so well. But I’m learning that doesn’t automatically means that’s not love. It might be a difference in how you communicate. How you show things. How you grew up. It might not be. But itt might. I don’t know that part is still a little complicated for me. I think the essence of it is that I cannot be more grateful for them.

That’s not to say I don’t still believe in a passionate consuming forever love. I do because I think I do. But Ive just grown to appreciate that theres different types of love. And some of them are stronger and long standing and more important to me than romantic love could ever come close to.

Anyway. Im going to hold these people a little bit tighter. Reminisce on the memories a bit harder. And try more and more to show up and show love and always always be mindful about how I act. I have always found it hard to be expressive. I compliment them I say supportive things. I try to spend more time with them and be present in the time I spend with them. I buy them presents. A lot of presents. Yeah never mind actually the only way I show love is by giving people things I think. I need to work on being more physically affectionate. Ive never really been comfortable with it but I don’t want it to be something I regret not doing enough of. I have also never told my family or friends that I love them. Not properly anyway. Maybe written on a birthday card. I want to get better at it. This whole love thing. I want to be someone who gives out love freely and generously. Without being offended when it doesn’t come back. I want to be like all those people I talked about.

[gabenvrhappened]

MoviesOr… Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Read my post about the book and the inspired lyric All That I Am

Movies like Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe shouldn't affect me that much by now, but they do. The formula isn't new: cute queer storyline where teenagers are discovering love for the first time, with everything happening mostly perfectly for them, ending with a candied happy ending. Still, I wonder why I always end up feeling sad while watching them. I think there's something about the fact that today's generation can always find something sweet and positive to watch, while "my generation" grew used to only watch love through heterosexual lenses, meaning: we would only have straight romance movies; or we would only have a straight point of view of what gay love would look like (which always meant "full of suffering" and "tragic endings").

It starts in a sugary, cliché way, and it goes on perfectly like this for a fair amount of time with most things happening as how they should happen in the real world: unexpectedly. The introverted rebel guy finds the extroverted sweet guy, and they click immediately. Then comes the unsynchronized sidedeyes looks and the special innocent encounters that start to define a relationship, without the parts realizing it. Then those specific details of ove comes along, ready to mark their friendship or their downfall (here, is a pair of different colors of Converse being tied up in the power line of an empty street, to be then marked as the change of their lives in the middle of the rain). Everything built sweetly together, just to make me gasp at a particular scene that made me think: yes, this will be a sad movie. The anticipation to know what happened… it was insane (though settled quite too quickly for my taste).

From the moment the rain starts to pours, the friends starts to say goodbye, and the letters starts to be sent, the story takes a confused turn, and I swore I thought about leaving the theatre because this would be too much for me to handle. If once I knew the story of Ari and Dante would end sadly, now I was absolutely sure it would be because of unrequited love. Up to now, this was the second dagger to my heart. First, it was the always excruciating memory of how I haven't had the sweet chances they both had. The second, and it's the sad part I have in common with them, was the fact that I also used to fall in love with people I couldn't have. It felt unbearable to watch Dante forcing Ari to kiss him because I once felt in my skin how it was to want someone to want you just like you want them. And it felt unbearable to watch Ari turning out to be just like his brother in a scene I had to close my eyes because it was too strong for me.

That's where the two biggest flaws of the movie kicks in. In all fairness, it's true I haven't watched a single movie where the actions of the lovers were just as confused as they should be since we're talking about two kids, but still, it bothers me. Adults are yet to learn how to portray being in love for the first time as a gay kid because these storylines are always developed in a linear way that is only conceivable for people seeing it from the outside. When you're in the eye of the storm — and believe me, I remember this all too well — it all feels so fateful, and every mistake leaves a deep mark that will be forever tattooed in our brains. It definitely doesn’t feel like just tearing up a masturbation letter when you see someone coming in.

Then comes the moment where Aristotle uses his hands to make justice, turning him into something he was scared he would be: someone aggressive, just like his brother. I've read that in the book this storyline goes further, but in the movie, the deep feeling of how unforgivable Ari's brother's actions were is still there, and, however, nothing happens with him when he does something similar. All is forgiven, and the consequences are nowhere to be found. Maybe the sequel will bring the follow-up to this, but I'm not counting on it.

I think this made it hard for me to accept that all that Ari did was for love. Even though the scene where he finally accepts his love (and confesses it) is beautiful — turning out to be the third dagger in my heart because no one would ever give me that big love speech —, it didn't feel right. Sure, it took me by surprise since I was convinced this would be a story about a gay kid falling in love with a straight kid, but that was it. Then they were lying on the back of the truck, and they were sharing a heartfelt connection, and I couldn't buy that at first. It felt too rushed. Maybe here the writers showed perfectly the portrait of young love: confused and without senses, just feelings.

Regardless of the things I didn't like much, the movie still had that power I mentioned first on me. All I could do was come back home feeling that I should be over the feeling of missed opportunities of my life by now. My mind didn't stop thinking about how movies like this can only make me think about how I wish I had been able to see gay love as something normal. As something that can have a happy ending. I wish I wasn't raised by romantic straight movies like The Fault In Our Stars or by tragic gay movies like Brokeback Mountain. I wondered what my life would've been like if the love of my childhood phase had said to me that he liked me, even while being confused about being gay like I knew he was.

That's why, once at home, I texted him and asked if he had regrets. I didn't have any ulterior motives in doing so, and, in fact, it was mind blowing to realize he was the only queer kid I had the opportunity to share these confused moments years ago. So it was good to try to reach for that missing puzzle piece. Still, there's this part of me that still thinks that it's so unfair that the most defining moments of my life were organized by external powers. All that I am now was built while I didn't know it, and now I have to live with the consequences of it.

The good part is that, like Ari said, I belong to the rain, and that was a perfect metaphor that I'm now using to write a song. At the end of the day, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe made the two perfect things a movie could do for me: give me inspiration for a song and give me the opportunity to grow, so I'm winning. And now I have two more books to read, which is never too much of a thing.

[leonbloder]

God’s Grace Is Bigger

Elway, our older West Highland Terrier, has been very sick over the past couple of weeks, which has upset everyone in the family.  

He seems to be slowly on the mend, though, which is a comfort to us all---even as the veterinarian is still trying to figure out what caused the infection that made him so ill.  

A few days ago, I found a spot in the house where he had gone to be sick.  I know. This is not the greatest beginning of a Daily Devo, but I have a point.  

He must have gone to this secluded corner of my house in the middle of the night because he felt terrible.  The poor guy knew things were going south, so he went to hide because he knew he would upset everyone.

I couldn't help but feel so sorry for him, thinking about the moment when he tried to keep from making a fuss, feeling bad, sorry, and probably full of shame.  

He's such a good dog.  He had no idea we wouldn't have been upset with him and would have comforted him if we had known.

All of this got me thinking about how I feel shame when I know I'm not living the way God longs for me to live.  When I lose my sense of self, make a poor decision or a wrong choice, it's so easy to want to hide, to withdraw from God and others.

So many of us live in this space more often than we would like to admit.  Maybe we've felt shame over things we've done or things that have been done to us.  Perhaps we feel like we can never be forgiven, or even further, we never really forgive ourselves.

I recently read a beautiful quote that speaks directly to this very issue from author and inspirational speaker, Bob Goff:

As [Jesus] forgave people who brought shame upon themselves, he always took the opportunity to say they were more than their mistakes and his grace was bigger than their lives.

I can't tell you how much I love that line.   I wish I'd written it.  

So many of us walk around in life believing that not only are we not more than our mistakes but that our mistakes define who we are.  And we've been living so long with the shame we feel because of this that we don't know who we would be without it.

I've come to understand that living in regret and shame over the past is one of the most debilitating things we can do as humans.  

This makes Goff's quote all the more lovely because when we think of how Jesus constantly lifted people who were feeling shame up and spoke life into them, we get a glimpse of what God longs to do for us.

But far too often, we cling to our shame and regret instead of embracing God's grace, which is always available.  

For some of us, our shame and regret become old friends we can't do without, even though they drag us down and keep us from being the people we long to be.  We may even come to imagine that we deserve to live with them.  

But the love and grace of God are bigger than our mistakes, shame, and regret.  We are more than what we've done or what has been done to us.

May you find the courage today and every day from this day to embrace the grace of God and let go of your shame and regret.  May you discover that you are more than your mistakes; you are chosen and cherished.

May you find the freedom that comes from letting go of what was and taking hold of what could be.  

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and always. Amen.