#the light at the end of the tunnel shines bright ; let’s see what lies beyond. / post kh3.

[dawnled]

&. 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬. / @13nth !

"i’m not afraid of you."

they're words that drag him back to what feels like a different lifetime , though it's only been a matter of years ---- to different , rawer , more desperate versions of themselves , just trying to survive , trying to save those that they cared for .

maybe , somewhere out in the vastness of space , there was some alternate universe where their goals back then made them aligned , instead of opposed .

unfortunately , their timeline had been one of the worst - full of heartless ( creatures , or people ? ) , darkness , unfortunate circumstance , buildings & powers-that-be so tall that it made them feel small , insignificant , worthless , helpless little creatures trying to fight back against the tightening shackles of fate----

"i'm not afraid of you . "

" you should be . "

there's a flash of lightning from his memory , so bright it cloaks the world in white - & then , the world that never was fades , giving way to twilight . amongst the eternal sunset , there's roxas ; not aggressive , not desperate , just pouting , crossing his arms , eyebrows furrowed nowhere near as strongly as they used to be . that same fire still lingers in his eyes , yes , flaring as brightly as before - but it's not burning against him , not trying to sear through his skin to his very soul like it used to , like if it burned bright enough he would be able to give him all the answers he needed & more .

now , that fire just simmers , mildly annoyed - a development riku never thought he'd see , one he never thought he'd deserve .

he doesn't really remember what sparked the conversation , nor the statement itself - but he wagers the irritation is because of his delay in response , the gloss of nostalgia that he can still feel at the corners of his eyes .

" i'm not afraid of you . "

" i know . you don't need to be . "

not anymore .

[dawnled]

their original idea had been to spend the day wandering the city, roaming the streets, perhaps even seeing some of the shops & buying some new clothes & other essentials----

but, like all of their ideas since finding each other in this city beyond their reality, the universe - this universe? - seemed to have other plans.

through some other stroke of fate - is there really any such thing as coincidence, nowadays? riku's starting to have doubts - they do find themselves in front of one of their favourite shops ; a little coffee shop that has good drinks, snacks, and an even better view of the city streets, to watch people roam by.

maybe that's just something riku likes to do, spending his time in silence, drinking tea or coffee & watching people pass - he's fine with being quiet, absorbing the atmosphere around him, letting it settle across his shoulders like a warm, comfortable blanket. but, he finds that sora's been more willing to sit with him in that quiet these days.

---- well, to an extent ; there's a certain kind of silence that they both find comfortable & serene. however, if it goes on for too long, or if anything happens to change it, it can go sour pretty quickly.

but, he won't dwell on that for too long - they're here to try and have a good day, no matter what the city throws at them.

his lips upquirk, just a little bit, at sora's statement, & his eyes draw from the café's door to the brunet by his side ; they gleam a soft, shimmering teal, warm with fondness & a twinkle of knowledge of sora's antics to go with the light arch of one of his brows.

they both know that espresso is bad for him - much like a cat on catnip, it has him bouncing off the walls if he has too much, giddy with energy.

he huffs a small breath of amusement, coupled with a light shake of his head, before raising an arm to the door - there's the familiar little twinkle of the bell at its top edge to signify new customers, the warmth & now-familiar atmosphere of the place hitting all at once,

" after you . "

For @dawnled ! ( starter call . )

" I don't get it. "

The young man's voice carries notes of confusion ; his brows furrow ever so slightly as he stares up, up, up at his fiancé. His arms cross with that first telltale sign of defiance.

No. When has Riku ever told him no before? Never.

( Well, okay, not never . . . )

" Espresso isn't that bad for me. "

Yes, yes it is.

He's just choosing not to remember the jitters, the racing heartbeat, the frantic paranoia that kept both of them awake into the early hours of dawn. Those were outlier side effects ! They definitely wouldn't happen a second time ( or was it a third time now ? ).

The coffee shop - their favorite coffee shop since his imprisonment in this graveyard - beckons with soft music, soft lights & the promise of a reprieve from the cold rain of Quadratum. He feels the chilled drip, drip, drip against the back of his neck, even through the hoodie, & it's tempting to give up the idea of coffee in favor of warmth & hot chocolate -

maybe, but only because it's Riku.

[alias-b]

sins of my youth. 015

Billy Hargrove x OC! Evie Fenny~ Also posted to my AO3

Summary: It was common knowledge that Billy Hargrove hated Hawkins. Hated Cherry Lane. Even loathed the strange girl next door. Evie Fenny wasn’t too fond of the chaotic Cali transfer either. An awful high school tradition sparks a chain of events that changes everything, ultimately bringing two frayed souls together.

A/N: I was excited to post this one! Billy continues to learn secrets about Evie as they grow closer. The first day back to school arrives with new challenges. TW: talk of teacher/student relationship, vomiting, pica, bullying, and some Well Earned Smut. ​ *Thanks all and chat with me about the fic if you have time!

Chapter 15: Fires Within Fires

   Billy decided he liked unwrapping these layers to Evie, despite the fucking interruptions.

   Their little game of back and forth where even grazing her skin with his fingertips felt like a prize.

   Where a glimpse of her smile's ghost sent luna moths fluttering inside the glass jar that he'd long-sealed his beating heart away into.

   He certainly couldn't tell her she'd consumed him. Syllables became harder around Evie. No amount of cooing at his mirror would save him from those painted eyes. Brushstrokes that destroyed him utterly.

   And all he could think was brush me again.

   The greatest mystery presented itself that Saturday night. 

   Mona stayed out with friends and went home with something a little more chiseled. Which meant she’d be out and go straight to the salon to play with the books. Blue was fed. The stars were bright and silent. Placed just so.

   Evie applied a red lip, bent over the vanity before it reached eleven on the dot. With her mother out, she used the front door after grasping her coat. Green bomber covered in patches. Crept over the frozen grass and pavement toward a hippy sort of van. Tan with a maroon stripe. 

   Billy crawled out his window at the sight of her along the way. Dressed. Head down as he hid near his car.

   He had to know. 

   The van was already driving off so Billy waited a bit to follow behind it. Hoped the few cars on the road would mask him if he stayed far enough away.

   He trailed after the damn thing all the way to the city. Saw it still in an alleyway and swerved to find parking elsewhere. Waited a few minutes with his eyes on the rearview mirror to see lights flicker.

   Beyond the cold buildings, a cozy nightclub illuminated. Covered in trellises with twisted metalwork roses and thorny vines. Slicked in frost. A red, ornate canopy and steel black gate lining the outside area with empty tables.

   Music vibrated within. Billy lit up a cigarette and watched the door. Eyed a bouncer chatting it up with a group outside in the cold. Smoking and shooting the shit. He readied to make his move.

   The sign read Sugar Kane’s in swirling lights. 

   Boots carefully stepped around the alley. Eyes trained on the bouncer at the end of the street corner. A thrum of piano keys echoed. Billy slipped into the door, down an immediate tunnel of high steps into another world made of pure red velvet.

   Wall to wall velour curtains and uniform lines of crystalline lights. Felt like Billy stepped into a dim, smoky dream. Busy round tables with idle chatter and even a bit of friendly gambling. A dance floor with plenty of couples. Sleek black bar and mirrors behind it.

   Taste and class and care went into this dream. 

   Billy fell into a table in the back, darkest corner. Watched the slow dancing. Heels clicked. More people drank and smoked at tables. Playing cards and speaking in hushed tones under the music.

   The music.

   As couples swayed and parted, Billy’s eyes lifted to the band. Bass, drums, and keyboard. And the singer looking like a chandelier painted red like the walls. Red like the blood boiling and pounding under his flesh.

   Slow and steady, a pure blue light bathed. Made her the center of the universe. Let her slip into a warm bubble bath birthed of the cosmos itself. Billy had to scan her again. Had to blink to make sure he was seeing this correctly.

   Sleek dress of beads like what a flapper would wear. Glossy red lips sultry into the mic. Huge lashes. Bigger curls.

   Evie.

   Her hips moved against the swell of sound. Breathing in and out with it. Stage lights framed her body. Kissed it. Made her glimmer as an ethereal creature. Not of this world.

   Billy’s jaw was on the table. 

   “This is a man's world,” she cooed, head shaking while brown eyes fluttered closed, “this is a man's world…”

   Billy’s fingers twisted into the tablecloth. Eyes trained as her voice picked up against the reverberations. Filled the air. Filled the empty spaces around Billy. He’d heard her sing, but this starlet wasn’t the delicate songbird she came off as. She owned the air. The space. The stars. The world at her feet.

   She owned everything. She wasn't sorry.

   “But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl.” Evie plucked up the mic to come forward. Smiling when hands dropped dollars into a bowl she shared with the band. Her voice grew. Boomed. Curled around throats and hearts.

   Enthralled.

   That stage was where she belonged and she wasn’t sorry about that either.

   Bathed in the echoing ruby glow from seas of crimson velvet and black silk around the room. Spotlight pulsing technicolor. Painting in blues and pinks and reds. Utterly decadent. Small chandeliers hung down to sparkle against cherry hardwood that met the vibration of a musical crescendo. 

   Evie’s dress flicked about as she moved. Tiny knit shadowy fishnets and strappy heels. Miniature white flowers woven into her free spun curls that truly made her look like an angel. A glowy star. The light caught a collared necklace she’d made with a cameo brooch and loose jewels.

   Again and again, Billy let himself be consumed. Bowed to her voice ever-growing. These untouchable notes that wrung around his soul. 

   “But it wouldn't be nothing!” Evie’s head tipped back. “Nothing!” Mic high with the greatest note that stilled the entire room as the music hushed so she could shine. Obscene and shameless and so bright. Eyes lifted from tables to see her there beckoning like the sirens of old. Evie came down to look out, settled the mic on its stand. Romanced it. “...without a woman or a girl…”

   Billy sat there and watched the set. Eyes all over Evie without her knowing. Blissfully unaware of the boy in shadows. He smoked a slow cigarette and no one from the bar bothered him. Not yet.

   Evie was five songs in before they switched it up. Let the band take on some peppier instrumental so Evie left to cross to the bar. Billy thought to flee before a huge hand touched his shoulder.

   “You look a little young to be in here. Not drinking. Where’s your ID, kid?”

   “Hey, I’m eighteen.” Billy sounded childish, snuffing a cigarette out on a clean ashtray. The bouncer glared down at him. Bodybuilder type and pretty. Tanned with styled slick hair and little strands tumbling into his brow. Blue eyes. One ear framed in silver piercings. “Just listening to the girl, she...she knows me.” 

   “Yeah, yeah, let’s go, stalker. She's working.” The bouncer cooly plucked Billy up like he was a doll. Catching the attention of the bar as they stumbled toward it.

   Evie reeled out of her conversation before Billy Hargrove was presented to her. One shoulder high into the air as a muscled hand held his arm.

   “Does this belong to you, Eve?” He began, giving Billy a jostle for good measure.

   “Oh, god.”

   Billy flashed his brightest smile. Begged to be claimed like a little, lost puppy. Poor Evie could only groan. Elbows on the sleek wood to hide her face. The woman she’d been speaking with behind the bar was already cackling. “Yes...he’s mine.”

   “Is this the boy you won’t shut up about?” Came a quip. Gravelly, feminine voice. 

   “Told you, I know her. Lemme go, Lurch.” Billy ripped himself clean from the bouncer. Fixed his jacket.

   “Marlon, baby, we got him from here.” The barkeep continued, bringing one acrylic nail to her plump lips. Dolled to the gods in a Marilyn Monroe type wig of platinum, buttercream waves that swooped to frame her face and touched her glowing shoulders. Sapphire cocktail dress cinched in and flowed to knee length. Matching heels that made her a head taller than Billy. 

   “Whatever you say, honeybunch.” Marlon gruffed and went back to go up the steps. Evie shoved at Billy and grabbed his jacket.

   “What are you doing here?” Her classic hiss.

   “I wanted to know where you snuck off to two nights a week. Just a concerned neighbor.”

   “Sometimes three when we have the stage open.” A hand adorned in a huge diamond ring extended. “Looks like James Dean and Jim Morrison had a blond baby boy. Little Eros crawled out of a Def Leppard video.”

   “Billy.” He shrugged out of Evie’s grip. Left her making that signature scrunchy face of anger she was known for. Arms crossed at him. Pride rose so he boasted. Took the bejeweled hand in both of his to kiss the knuckles smelling of jasmine. “Evie’s favorite subject.”

   “Are not.” The retort clipped.

   “Don’t tell lies, Evie dearest, they cause wrinkles.” A wink of huge false lashes followed. “Iris Lee Arden. I manage the place for the owners. Evie’s never brought us a pretty stray before.” She gave Billy’s chin an affectionate brush. Nails painted to silver claws. 

   Iris moved like a feline. A trans woman with brown skin and a full figure. Thirties. Commanding presence. Love of Marilyn Monroe with roots in the art of drag. Billy spotted a sign behind her about the specials. Chalked in different colors. A variety of musical stylings. Another sign about the shows nightly. Thursday being drag night.

   One of those open places he figured. Accepting of all colors and sexualities. Safe haven to outcasts. California had them too. Seemed more of a rarity in this area. Double the bouncers of the places back home.

   “Evie’s telling people about me, huh?” Billy leaned into the bar to play the flirt. Evie’s hand covered his mouth.

   “Ignore him. He should not be here. I’m sorry.”

   “Says you who lied about your age for the job, sugar.” Iris teased, eyes flicking to Billy. “We found out like the day after. Obviously.”

   “I was in it for the free booze.” Evie beamed a smile, hand snatching from Billy when he licked her finger. “Gross.” The pink tongue caught between his teeth before he grinned.

   “Uh. Nice try. I don’t even drink the alcohol for free, girl. And the only thing we ever give you free is a Shirley Temple.” Iris laughed again. “I’ll get two going while you lovebirds work things out.”

   “We’re not, ugh…” Evie rolled her eyes and decided to sit. Huffed for effect. “So, you got me.”

   “I always do." His dangling earring caught the light. "Not a bad place. You ever sing on Thursday?”

   “No, but I did host a couple of shows for Iris. The girls love me and I love them. They taught me plenty. Helped me. And I...learned a lot about myself too.” Evie kicked a stool out so he’d join her. Paused to see his expression. Her lips quivered. "Would it bother you if I think about girls and boys the same?"

   "Did it bother you when I flirted with that Jesse guy right in front of you? More in common, Angel. It's adding up." Billy held her eyes steady when he said that. They shared this softer beat. Simple and clean. Plenty of room to breathe. He shifted, lashes batting. "So, this place. Start from the top."

   “I was sixteen and I saw flyers so...I sorta lied about my age. No one knows. Not Heather, not even Fredrick. They found out I lied quickly. But, they liked me so we worked out some rules and I just sing a few nights with the band. Couple songs. Great guys, too. The Starlighters. They’re here almost 24/7. Marvin on bass, he drives so they pick me up on the way most days. I have to hide in back, I don’t want to get them in trouble. Cops will treat them differently cause they're not white. Always been that way.”

   Billy noticed most of the people in here, including the workers and band, were people of color easily. Many mixed like Evie.

   Opposite of Hawkins. She and Tommy H were practically the only mixed kids in their classes since his birth mother was Hispanic. Strange thing neither of them addressed in the open.

   “The club runs all sorts of music. Jazz, rock, classics, and some pop. I like the more rock and pop nights cause I can bring my guitar. Sometimes I help back up visiting bands. This place just appreciates it all. I love it here and I can sing anything they need, it's like a second home. Accepting. Good for people who get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.” She shrugged and two bubbly glasses were set down. “Thank you, Iris.”

   “Owners have more musicians coming in toward spring so hours for you will be slim. Summer should be better, they might have some more day and evening gigs.” Iris perked a smile.

   “I get it. Easier to work during the day when I turn eighteen.” Evie sipped. "The best birthday present of all is more of that stage."

   “It's happy to have you, sugar. So, tell me, Billy, have you locked this girl down?” Iris plucked up a clipboard to make some inventory notes, elbow on the bar. 

   “Hey!”

   “I’m working hard on it,” Billy winked and that was enough to silence Evie.

   “She also told me you’re the one who took care of the shithead who gave her that,” Iris tilted Evie’s face. "Boy is lucky I couldn't sink my talons into his eye sockets. Sick my guys and dolls on him." Billy barely caught the bruises under layers of color corrector and makeup. “Good boy.”

   “I do what I can.” He shrugged and played with the straw of his drink. Evie could have blamed her blush on stage lights. Instead, she stole a sip when Iris offered a fresh glass of water.

   “I’m gonna go sing.” She pushed Billy’s arm. “He’s a compulsive liar. Don't listen to him.”

   “Don’t worry, Eve, I’ll babysit the pretty boy. Make him feel right at home. It's what I do.” Another wink and Evie groaned all the way to the stage. Rejoined the band with a red smile. Sparkling. Garnered a few claps and nodded to pick up the next song. Beaming.

   She found Billy's eyes for one fleeting moment.

   "The French are glad to die for love..."

   “She’s gonna go far, that one." Iris caught his attention. "Just needs a chance is all. Someone bigger than me to give it.”

   Billy’s eyes were glued to the ruby supernova whirling and bursting before his gaze. Felt the vibrations inside his ribs. Again and again.

   “You take the stage too?”

   “Oh, yes. Never too late. Prefer to manage these days. Guide others starting out. Lots of queens and questioning tweens in the city in need of a place. I like to give them one. Outcasts who need to learn they're not alone in this big world. I've had plenty of success and now I have dreams of managing one great star.”

   “My dad would hate all this.” Billy piped up aimlessly, head shaking.

   “More of us than of him, if you believe it. Just have to speak up. Scream it out.” Iris cleaned a couple of empty glasses. “You’re pretty. You could do drag, you know?”

   “Thanks.” Billy broke to chuckle, eyes turned back at last.

   “Don’t hurt my girl either.” One long nail pointed. A talon that tapped Billy’s chin. “We’ll take you out back and smack you around a bit.”

   “Maybe I’m into that, lady.” Billy flirted back. His insufferable self. The pretense lowered. “Already hurt Evie. Trying not to do it again.”

   “You’re young. So is she. You both will fuck up, that's life. Sometimes people hurt more when they're comfortable. Just make it right.” Iris had offered, arms back in the bar to sigh. 

   “Sometimes I don’t know how to do that,” Billy blinked his gorgeous eyes, “make it right, I mean.”

   “Watch. Listen. Learn.” She cooed softer. “It’ll do you good. Be a gentleman too, offer my girl a ride home when her set is over. Short night. I assume you’re staying?”

   “Yeah…” Breathless, he marveled. “Yeah, I’m staying if she is.”

   Evie had a few more songs before the mic was turned over. Something sinking every single time she had to see it go. They split tips and she parted ways for the night. Offered the shortest hours of all the workers being so young. Schooling first, Iris always said.

   Bundled in a jacket, Evie pushed through some beads and curtains to see Billy waiting. Head cocking toward the exit.

   “You stayed.”

   “Why wouldn’t I? Drove all the way here.” He lit up a smoke outside, having not had many during the set. Music lingered behind them. Echoed along the cool winds and wet pavement. “Free show and all the Shirley Temples I could suck up. I did tip, by the way. All the pretty people I could flirt with and brag about my girl to. What a night.”

   He slung a lazy arm around Evie’s shoulders. Not looking at her. His girl. Smoke flitting out his lips and Evie lost all her thoughts. Lost the nerve to tell him he was so beautiful. That she could be his. He shifted closer to her and peered at his watch, trapping Evie into his chest.

   “Damn, it's just after two.” 

   “Couple times I stayed till four.” She lamented. “Guess I should be happy they have room at all even if it’s once a week these days. Iris is good to me, I’m loyal… What did you guys talk about?”

   “How pretty the stars are at night.” He mused, snuffing his cigarette out onto a brick wall before he paced to the car waiting. Evie slid in wordlessly, sighed when Billy got the heat on before she buckled.

   She also noticed he did it too for the first time since riding with him. 

   “Usually I’m wired after shows but I’m dead tired tonight,” she rubbed her head to moan, leaning back.

   “You had a long week.” Was all Billy said, swerving down the street to the freeway.

   This heavy silence hung in the air. Billy intent on the road. Idle glances that never matched up. Finally, he peered over and saw Evie’s head lulled aside. Fast asleep.

   A smirk crept.

   He turned some easy music on. Let her rest all the way to Hawkins and parked at his house. Turned slowly and brought his knuckles up against the apple of Evie’s cheek. He felt her shift into his touch and reeled back. Evie seized up, groaned to see him.

   “We’re back.” He whispered. Not sure why.

   “Hm, sorry. Dozed off there.” Evie felt for the handle. Also felt Billy’s eyes on her skull. She froze and blinked to see him. “You want to come inside?”

   “Easier than sneaking into my place. Dad’s a heavy sleeper, but he has Billy Fuck-Up Radar.” He laughed and she didn’t, pushing out. Evie staggered in her heels, holding herself so Billy crossed around in silence. They went up into her house. 

   “Gonna...bathroom. Wash my face off ‘n change.” She had this sleepy adorable way about that, petting Blue idly. Already tugging little clips from her curls.

   Billy came to give the cat some attention. Heard the sink running and crossed back to Evie’s room. Tucked his boots and coat aside. Sprang at attention when she came in wearing a long tee and cradling a bundle of clothing. Curls free and messy. The slightest smear of black makeup still under her eyes but the rest of the paint came off leaving her fresh-faced and glowy. 

   “Need to use it?” She gestured behind her and stepped aside, depositing her laundry properly. Blue eyes lingered before he went off. Wordless.

   Evie let out the breath she’d been holding to sit on the bed. Back taut when Billy returned so she stood awkwardly. A quick movement that made him stop. Created a standoff. Eyes held steady. Expectant. She bit her lip and clicked the light out.

   Somehow that made him feel safer to cross. Careful steps like he was approaching a skittish nymph. Stood inches away. Evie let herself cave in.

   “Can I undress you?”

   The words blurted.

   Billy didn't hesitate.

   “All yours.” He watched her too pointedly so Evie looked aside. Reached to lift his shirt until he adjusted to get out of it. She got a look finally at the nasty red and purple welts on his shoulder. Healing yellow tinge. Clouds shifting.

   Visible from the moon and streetlamps outside flitting through the blinds. A hand hovered but didn’t touch and he just went rigid there. Let her look at him. Let her see every inch. The color splashed over his shoulder like spilled paint. 

   “Can I kiss you there?”

   “Only once.” He said so she swept over. Placed her lips on the flesh that was burning hot. Pecked too light and came out to see Billy’s eyes close. They opened and she reached for his belt. Clicked to get it off before unbuttoning his pants. Billy hitched to shudder when she brushed him, easing his pants down over white briefs. 

   Slowly, Evie brought a finger to her lips. Tapped once and Billy obeyed. Claimed them without ceremony. Pushed into her body until they tangled back in bed. Adjusting so he could hover.

   Aroused into a creamy thigh, Billy rocked easily between parting legs. Nestled there and heard her moan. Drowsy kisses as her hands slipped around his back. One arm braced by her head, fingers smoothed the curls aside. 

   “Can I look?” He uttered, hand inching under her shirt. Gazes locked. A pulsing beat.

   “Yeah.” Evie let her hands fall into the mattress. Billy pushed fabric up over her chubby stomach and naked breasts. Traced her flesh without shame and she felt it all melting away. Piles of insecurities shedding to drop like little weights hanging from her heart. Brown eyes lifted elsewhere. A quiet shiver followed.

   Her chest rose and fell. Evie tried to stay alert and locked into him, but the sensation returned that sunk her down.

   “Billy," she squeaked to still him, "I-I do want you.”

   That broad hand palmed her side. 

   “If you’re unsure, Angel, it’s a no.” He shrugged. “It’s okay. You’re tired. Doesn’t hurt my pride.” Eyes lingered on her face. Evie still felt so exposed there. Billy’s thumb rubbed a hot circle into her skin. He chuckled before pecking those waiting lips with ease.

   “We could...I still want to… Do things.” Evie shuddered, swallowing to find the words. “Warm-up. Start slow. Small.”

   “Little things you dream of me doing to you.” He leaned in again to taunt. Hips pushed into hers. “Wet your panties already.”

   “Please, you leaked all...over me…” Evie lost the exact jab while he kissed up her neck. Tongue and teeth. His hand inched. Ever so slightly. She touched his knuckles, guided him higher to cup her breast. Billy moaned at that alone. Twitched like he might burst and wasted no time getting his tongue on her nipples.

   “Taste better than I dreamt, that’s for damn sure.” He ran his nose over her sternum. Tormented her other breast. Let his teeth tug once. Twice.

   Suckles until she bucked into him. Head tossed back to moan. Fingers curled into spun gold. Coaxed him onward. Billy kissed her all over. Tummy and back up again. Shifting, he moved over to straddle one leg, nudged her thighs to stay parted.

   “Wanna spread you open,” lips ghosted, “touch you.” Brush you again and again.

   Evie had his arm in her grip. Felt like two irons clinging. Slowly, she nodded, eyes huge and darting over his there in the dim light. 

   “I want to feel good again, Billy.” She gulped dry air. “Want you to make me feel good.”

   He took in her expression. Pleading and vulnerable. Unafraid to want him in the open. Fingers rolled over her hard nipple and then slipped down under flimsy fabric he wished he could tear. Contained himself just barely at the feel of her. Soaked for him. Responsive to every little beat and sigh. Pride set fire to his marrow. Two fingers pushed up into the bud, coated in arousal to stroke it.

   "Like that?" He teased slow. Her mouth opened for his tongue in response.

   Evie grasped desperately at the pillow under her head. Legs opened so he got off to curl next to her. Braced his head up with one propped elbow and offered lazy rubs. Drew it out until her thighs hitched to part wide.

   “Hear that fucking sound you make?” Billy’s lips touched her ear. “Fuck.” He whimpered like she was the hottest thing on two legs. Made her feel coveted and sexy. Desirable. Slick sounds mingled with their breathing hurried. “I could listen to it all day and get off on that alone, you know. Musical girl. I could play you all night.”

   He kept kissing her, rendering Evie unable to articulate. Wanting him in little breathy sounds.

   Fucking wanting him.

   Evie twisted, hitching a gasp as her toes curled. Thighs parting wider because Billy was some sort of fucking wizard at this. This boy couldn't be real. Eliciting perfect notes out of her. One hand gripped the pillow under her head while the other clung to his bicep now. She felt the muscles bulge white-hot and loved it. Heard Billy breathing soft in her ear, lips trailing down her jawline and collar. 

   “You’re so wet.” Billy brought his fingers up to lick them. Pushed his tongue into her mouth after. “Taste so fucking good.” Evie yelped as he slapped her thigh playfully. The words slurred into her lips. He slipped his hand back into her panties, played rougher, and felt her tense. Evie’s lips opened into his to moan. Her legs bent up and spread for him. Bucking to meet his touch that was ending her. “Shameless, Evie, I like it.”

   “You talk too much.” She had gasped, eyes rolling to shut. Breast jutting so he kissed them next.

   “I don’t think people talk enough during the act.” Billy curled back into her. Supporting himself on one arm by her head. “Nothing like seeing a pretty girl’s face when I tell her she’s gonna come so hard for me.” She felt his shaft against her side, rubbing idly to make some friction. Leaking and wet. "So very hard."

   Billy liked to play dirty, it kept his emotions at a safe distance.

   Evie caved in. 

   “More… Faster, Billy.” She clung for him. Neck exposed. Pulsing. Lips parting obscenely. "More."

   A finger pushed inside with another following. 

   “Oh, fuck.” Evie worked into his touch. Brown eyes finding his intent ones. Billy thumbed her clit in tune. Pumped a few times. Watched her chest rise and fall in shaky breaths. The shirt still bunched over her tits. Lips fell to suckle one rosy nipple then the other.

   “Too much, Angel?” Billy slipped out to resume circling the bud. He hummed, slowing to inhale deep before he granted her another taste of his lips.

   “Don’t stop, I like it.” Evie whimpered into his mouth. Caught his bottom lip in her teeth playfully. 

   “Couldn’t tell.” Billy sped up again. “Wanna see you come for me.”

   “Billy.” Evie twisted at that. Thrusting herself into him. Breasts bouncing.

   Slick, filthy sounds filled the room. The damn streetlamps glimmered around the curtains. Gave her almost no place to hide from him. Something churned in her stomach. Alert. 

   “I’m close.” She strained at last. "I'm so..."

   “I know,” he grazed their lips to murmur, “just chase it. Don’t run, Angel. That’s it. Chase it for me.” He watched her expression flutter and cloud. Loved it. Worked her relentlessly.

   Nails dug into his skin. Out of breath and bucking until her body gave a little quake. A moan followed. Drawing out with her climax. Billy rubbed her until she fell to pieces. Crying out and shuddering. All for him. Back curved to echo sweet delights. He didn’t stop until she fell limp and quivering by the force. With Evie spent, he pushed up to reach into his briefs. Slicked his shaft in her arousal. Began to pump. 

   “Lemme see you.” She slurred, turning over to tug his underwear down. God, he was beautiful. Lines cut down his hips. Trimmed gold curls. She bit her lip again and wasn’t coy for once.

   “You mind?” A suggestive eyebrow rose.

   "If I can help." She pushed up more with heavily hooded eyes. Drunken. Messy kisses trailed his abs before she licked his tip.

   “You just go for it, huh?” Billy added. Allowed her to swallow him down. “Fuck, that mouth you have, Evie.” He bucked into her throat. Tried to apologize when she made a sound that was utterly pornographic. Heavy cologne wafted up her nose. A trail of spit ran from flesh to lips as she came out. Lapping again. Sinking down so he could pump. She gripped his hips and worshipped him. "You don't...You don't have to..."

   "I like it when you feel good. You're so beautiful." Evie dipped out. Let Billy tilt her head up by the hair. Thumb slicking her swollen mouth. Billy curved to dip his tongue in. Groaned when she kept stroking. "Feels good to give pleasure. We have that in common, Billy."

   His spine arched. Muscles taut because her lips were on him again.

   "You look like a star, you know that?" Billy had to peer away. Sighing soft. Shuddering. She didn't lie about being skilled at this. Evie placed little kisses up and down. Slowed. He didn't have time to continue the praise.

   “Where do you want to cum?” She resumed stroking him. Kissed shapes around his hips sweetly. Billy tried to articulate and gasped as her teeth nipped along his skin.

   “You’re asking me? Shit...You won’t like it.” He tried to not blow it all on her face. Felt like that might be rude. Billy shuddered again. “On your tits.”

   “Hm.” Evie reclined back, let him scoot in and helped him stroke himself. Being dirty also assisted in keeping her emotions and insecurity at bay. She worked him with her slick hand. Felt him starting to lock.

   “Listen, I’m not gonna last much...longer.” He was thrusting into their palms. Leaned over her to grasp the pillows so she could finish him herself.

   “It’s okay. Just let go, Billy. It'll feel so good when you do.” Tease.

   “Fuck, Evie, fuck.” Billy looked exquisite. Vulnerable. Eyes glittering with pleasure. Whining. Lips opened to groan. She worked him until release gushed. Milky spurts right across her chest. Billy swallowed for some air, looked down at her. Messy and fucked out. Shirt bunched up with his filth all over her skin. Puffed. 

   “Don’t get mad, but I thought about that the first time I saw you.” He twisted one nipple, heard her hitch to sigh. Evie fell back with a huff.

   “Yeah, you made that obvious.” She felt Billy sweep up some release with two fingers and offer it to her lips. Sucked him clean, peering through thick lashes. Evie laced their fingers and let a slow smile pull. “I enjoy you, Billy.”

   “Yeah?” He fell next to her. Nestled in so their curls mixed. “Only took you a couple of months and an orgasm to admit it.”

   “Shut it… I want you. Not trying to countdown to it like it’s some rocketship.” She pushed over him and felt under the bed for a dirty shirt to wipe off with. “That’s all I’m saying. Foreplay is one thing. Sex always changes people. Maybe I'm...freaked about that.”

   “I enjoy you, too.” He admitted to the dark. Eyes lifting to the ceiling before she tucked herself back in between him and the wall. “We could get a motel room sometime. Make sure no one walks in for once. We'll be wide awake and go a few rounds. And I won't change on you.”

   “Hmm.” She turned to muffle into his chest. Drowsy as can be. “Sure.”

   “Really?” Didn’t expect a quick reply. “Not gonna take it back when the glow wears off?”

   “Maybe.” Evie teased, grinning into Billy’s skin. “You make me mad sometimes. Still want to go slow like this.” He chuckled with little air, chest steady until he adjusted so she could cuddle into him. Evie traced a heart into his flesh. Caught herself. “Can I have a ride Monday? I think Steve will understand… I’m just freaked out about going in.”

   A hand pushed her hair aside so they could look at each other. Billy played with lush curls. Got serious.

   “He's not gonna be there.”

   “I know.” Evie hummed with her eyes closing. Fingers in her hair lulled her further. “Sometimes I think I see him standing in dark corners. Even when I’m on stage. There’s this glimmer of him everywhere. Especially as I close my eyes.”

   Billy didn’t know what to say so he kissed her until she was breathless and distracted. They shifted around so Evie faced the wall, pulling his arm over. Thrilled him to pieces. Billy framed her body with his, lips melting into dark curls. Sweet blessings placed upon her crown. A protective barrier he hoped soothed her.

   He really hoped.

   The blankets pulled up so they twisted together. No more syllables followed until the morning birds began to sing.

** ** **

   Monday crept to swallow Evangeline whole.

   She donned a vintage plaid dress that was cinched with a belt and short. Threw her bomber over it and fashionable black tights. Knew she was dressing for Fredrick even still. Her little outfits pieced together so he could imagine taking them apart in class. Earrings caught the light as she swung her bag on and crept outside into the morning windchill. Didn’t want to keep Billy and Max waiting. 

   Just in time, they stalked out of the Hargrove house. This knowing smile crossed Max’s face when she saw Evie.

   “So, you’re hanging out with Billy again.” Came the monotone observation.

   “Back seat.” He snapped at her. Evie’s lip twitched before a little nod followed and the redhead disappeared into the back. Snapping the seat in place for Evie to take. Without ceremony, the Camaro lurched forward to go. Billy fiddling with his radio and cursing all the hick stations until he found one at Evie's quiet recommendation. 

   “Is Evie your girlfriend now?” Max was leaning between them.

   “I’ll pull over, I swear to god, Max.” He lifted his eyes with an aggravated breath, turning hard after the stoplight changed. Max snickered and Evie wanted to laugh, but didn’t. Eyes darting at the many trees they passed until they began to blur. A sea of earthy tones and pure white frost pooling. Almost looked like chaotic, muddy ocean waves. Crashing.

   Sensing the nerves, Billy’s hand found her knee. Stayed there until they got to school. Thumb smoothing.

   “See you two later.” Chipper for once in the morning, Mad Max jumped out after them and raced down the hill to meet Dustin waving across the way. Evie huffed as he looked between Billy and her then asked Max an obvious question out of earshot.

   Students moved all around them. Many pausing to glance at Evie Fenny appearing from the magical blue of Billy Hargrove's legendary Camaro. She didn't belong there. One hot orgasm wouldn't change that. Fingers curled into her bag’s strap. Nervously twisting it.

   “He’s not gonna be in there and you won’t feel better until you face it.” Billy finished his cigarette against the hood. Eyes pointed.

   “We could just skip.” Evie looked around at passing students and Billy came to her side.

   “You do know how to tempt me. C’mon.” An arm swept around her shoulders. Nearby students took more frantic notes as they got down the hill so Evie wiggled from him. Kept walking and felt sick by the time they got to her locker.

   “People are staring at us.” She faced inside and sorted books. Billy leaned next to her. Eyes flickering with this unreadable expression. 

   “I didn’t notice.”

   Evie gave him this glance like she didn’t believe him. 

   "I don't care." Came the actual sentiment.

   “I have to get to calc.” Evie dismissively shut the metal door and gasped when he kissed her. Right there in front of everyone. Billy cupping her cheeks. Making a point in his way. Cartoon confetti tumbling down. Students watched Evie stumble into the lockers. Billy Hargrove’s arm steady around her back. Pulling her into his body as if he wanted her and only her and nothing else existed.

   “Clear enough, Angel?” He pulled out. Left her breathless. Unworried and wishing it was enough to unbind her nerves. A thumb fixed her lipstick idly. “See you in English. Don’t run.” Billy swept off. Students parting to let their king by. Evie shuddered to herself and hunched to hurry in the opposite direction. Cheeks burning. 

   Brush me again.

   She didn’t learn much in her first period. Heather met her at the door and kept glancing the entire class. Carol and Tommy both skipped. That should have brought Evie some ease. Instead, she figured she might blow chunks.

   The first bell had her springing up. Not even waiting for Heather as she disappeared into crowds. Shoving a bathroom door open so she could throw up her breakfast. Two eggs arranged with wheat toast. Mona had spent the entire time prattling about some man she was seeing as if Evie were her best friend and therapist and not a soul she gave birth to.

   Evie so often wondered if her mother had wanted her. Really wanted her. This life that stilled all her starlight, electric dreams. And not treated birth as a duty because these things can happen.

   Luck was not on her side. Evie had passed Carol in there with a couple of other girls in her gaggle's orbit. Smoking and late to class. Too cool for it either way.

   Bile and food exploded into the toilet bowl. A twisted clothing pin that was stuck somewhere it shouldn't have been came up too. Evie swallowed that a good while ago. Spots of blood pricked.

   “Gross, Fenny, didn’t know you were that type.” Vicki sneered outside at the sound. Snickering followed. “Two fingers are better than one, precious. I hope you give Billy’s dick better treatment.” Footsteps followed and Evie didn’t have time to be mortified. She figured they all left and gasped. Spotted a loose bolt in the wall. 

   Evie propped her head up and fumbled to unscrew it.

   Heard voices that told her to stop. Just stop. She can stop. She can stop this at any time.

   There rust.

   It went down and Evie felt that sickly wave of calm wash. Rocked back to a distant shore and wiped her mouth on a wad of thin toilet paper. Felt disgusting. Gave her cheek a soft pat like a baby. Breathe. Breathe. Feet staggered out with her backpack to see Carol sitting on the farthest sink like it was a throne. Smoking still and far too elated.

   Shame sunk its talons into Evie like Carol watched the entire thing play out. 

   Unable to even rasp, she went to the sink and washed out her mouth. 

   “Not preggers are you?” Smoke pooled up.

   “Just sick.” Evie bit back, hands braced over the sink.

   “About the party,” Carol continued, not listening as she snuffed out her cig against the mirror's corner, “I was so drunk. Don’t take it personally.”

   “Fine.”

   “I just think it’s a fresh start today. New leaves. Right?” Carol dug around as Evie shuddered and tried to reapply her lipstick. The redhead approached. “Here.”

   A stick of bubblegum flicked out. Evie eyed it suspiciously and Carol actually smiled. Glossy lips curling before she chewed her own piece. Blew a plush pink bubble for good measure.

   It popped.

   “Nothing funny. You need to work on those trust issues. Especially if you’re gonna hang with Billy. He gets around." Her head cocked. "Don't mind Vicki, by the way, Billy sorta dropped her unexpectedly. Hm. She was hoping to take him all the way to prom and only got one taste at Lover's Lake. Poor thing.” 

   Carefully, Evie took it. Let the sweet flavor fill her rustic mouth. Didn’t mask enough.

   “Thanks…”

   “Anytime.” Carol went to the door and stopped. Lips smacked. Couldn't hold it in any longer and let the glee flow. Red hair flicked. “So how does it work, you and Bowers, is it a grade thing? Are you just easy? I’m so curious because he seems like a guy who could get anyone. Billy, too. So, why you, Evie?"

   The question that kept Evangeline up at night haunted the air. Carol grew relentless.

   "Are you a witch of some kind? Could be comparing the young and old. Gross. Maybe you work well on your knees. I’d love some tips.”

   Evie stared at the sink. Heard the bell blare signaling she was late. A deafening silence followed.

   “I don’t…” She peered at Carol crossing her arms to smile. The gum went sour. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” 

   “I don’t know if I’m grossed out or impressed, Evie,” Carol faked a look of shock, “you really suck off our teacher. I mean, how pathetic do you have to be?” A nasty, faux scoff followed. 

   "As if you weren't leaning over his desk to press your tits against his back and hiking your skirts up all the same." Evie shot up. Caught Carol off guard by matching her malice. Easily.

   Evie found herself shaking. Face hot. Eyes betraying her too well.

   “But, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Leave me alone.” She spat the gum in the trash and pushed out to go. Carol followed her down the empty hallway, skipping and loving this side of Evie that poured like tar.

   “Does he at least buy you nice dinners? I bet he’s flush with cash. Buys you things in leather and lace. Does he have a preference? I think lace. You're a dainty spring flower he plucks the petals from all for himself. Right?" Carol struck Evie with an arrow at that sentiment. "Is Billy jealous? Bowers is probably into the weird shit. You must be a real pro at-” Carol hitched to squeal when Evie flared.

   Two hands plucking her up to shove her into the lockers. Breaths in sync, Evie found herself hissing. A fire built to pour and ravage. Warming them both. She leaned too close to Carol's face.

   “Just, shut up.” She trembled, teeth-baring. A silver tear fell down her cheek. Fingers warped into Carol's pink turtleneck sweater. The trapped girl actually reached up to catch it on her finger. Looked dreamily into the droplet like she was viewing a distant memory.

   “Ah, you’re actually crying. Like a little baby. You should start wearing a big red A, Fen. Bowers must love having a little baby girl around. Dress her up and down, down, down.” Carol sneered, glossy lips popping.

   She dropped the pretense as Evie held her there. Let it all flutter. Started to shatter silently. Evangeline wondered. She really wondered if what Carol Perkins saw in her that she hated so much was just herself reflected. Poor thing.

   Poor things.

   "You don't know shit about me." Evie managed. It sounded so unconvincing coming out.

   "I know all these people around here are weak. They're so fucking weak." Came the spark. "But, not us."

   Carol came in close. Added fuel to the fires. Did something peculiar and gave Evie this sickly sweet peck on the lips. Gloss and red mingled. She stole something she saw deep inside of Evie that she felt too. Got shoved back again when Evie recovered. Tongued her mouth after tasting the salt of more tears. Carol was welling now. Voice low. Starting to quiver. Evie's fingers left blushing marks on freckled skin.

   It hurt and Carol loved that it hurt.

   “It feels good, doesn’t it? Real good. Pile that pain onto someone else. This. Feels better.” Carol sniffled with budding fury. Waited for admission. She tremored and asked a question that killed them both. "What happens when we run out of silky petals, Evie, huh? What the fuck do we do then?"

   Tears shed, they didn't cleanse.

   "I d-don't know, Carol," Evie released the thoughts and mourned it deeply, "but, I think about it every single day."

   Disgust welled. Evie thought of Fredrick grabbing at her. Seething to keep their secrets locked at any cost.

   Wheels within wheels. Turning endlessly.

   Fires within fires.

   She dropped Carol and stalked off. Proud like Hester in The Scarlet Letter. Fleeting temptress with dominance and power for days like Abigail in The Crucible. Heroines and villains and virgins and whores and martyrs. None of them win.

   Women were always packaged just so. The world seemed to prefer that. All these stories Fredrick made her read and reread until she took them into her soul. Lolita who always gets the blame she never deserved because she was young and a victim and no one cares about that. Why don't they care about us? They care about how she was prepackaged by a society that never tried to save her.

   No one cares or grieves why and how women are carved from pristine marble, only that it's their fault if they tarnish and crack. Their fault if they stumble and fall. No going back.

   No going back.

   White roses painted red. They never asked first.

   Evie was a couple of steps away from the classroom when a mass of claws tore into her curls. Yanked her back so hard that her backpack fell off. 

   “Still pretending you’re better than me, bitch! Admit it!” 

   Evie cried out. Alerted nearby classes. Thought of Fredrick tearing her down the same way and whirled with her hand out on pure instinct. Smacked Carol in the mouth. Froze with huge eyes. And Carol actually smiled. Bloodied teeth and sticky lip gloss. She looked like such a girl there.

   "Alright, Fenny babe, I'll play the villain for you. Just like you wanted." Carol dove on Evie while classes began to pool out. They hit the floor and lockers rolling around. Not really landing punches or slaps. Just locked around each other shouting and tearing into clothing and loose hair. Both crying.

   “Shit!” Billy, Steve, and Tommy shoved through the jeering teens to pull them apart. Chaos rained.

   “Girl fight! Girl fight!” This school really reveled in such things every single time. 

   “We need help here! Ladies, enough!” The poor substitute in Bowers' room was not having a great first day.

   “Get off me!” Carol finally detached from Evie so Billy scooped her up under the arms. The redhead noticed Mr. Bowers wasn’t around and stopped struggling. This cruel look twisted her face. 

   “Can’t leave you alone for a second, huh?” Billy’s voice brought Evie back into the shouting as she scrambled up with his help.

   “You two! Principal!” Another teacher came between them. The useless security guard was just now jogging around the corner. Evie tore her bag up and passed Steve and Tommy. Carol was already stomping off. Something awful lighting her bones aflame. Red locks bounced and became fire.

   Ushered away through crowds, they were put into a cramped room. Seated next to each other.

   “Perkins and Fenny?” Their principal plopped into a chair with his secretary sitting in back to make notes. “I haven’t had problems with either of you.”

   Carol burst right there. Sobbed through the words.

   “It’s all Evie's fault! She slept with him and she’s just getting away with it! She gets everything! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of all this and...and I want it to stop! I just want it all to stop!” 

   “Ms. Perkins, you’re not being app-!”

   “What if I told you it was a grown man, huh! Maybe someone who works here.”

   “Liar!” Evie wretched over her chair to swat at Carol until they had to be forced apart again into separate rooms. A clock ticked. Blared in her ear and made her crazy while she waited. Tears streamed.

   Carol was about to ruin her life. Drag all this shit back to the surface.

   God, what would Mona say if she knew her daughter was an evil temptress?

   Evie got into her bag for something. Anything to make it better. Nothing small enough to swallow at the bottom so Evie just rocked. Patting her cheek again to console herself. Bubblegum lip gloss still stained her red lips. No wiping it away.

   Chief Hopper poked his head into the room ten minutes later, causing her to drop the bag and send her items everywhere.

   Hester. Abigail. Lolita. Twisting goddesses. They all pay for it somehow. The narrative always makes them pay and they never had a chance to be anything else. Can't blame them.

   Poor things. Lost to the fires within fires.

   Books and papers flew out elegantly around her feet. Scattering away as Evie burst into harsh tears.

~~~~~~~~~

Oof, sorry to end it there lads! More to come and thank you so so much for following as always. All the comments mean so much to me and I’d love to chat about the chapter!! Thanks!

TAGGED: @80sbxtch @nottherightseason @orxhidshavana   @alagalaska @alongcamedolly @kellyk-chan​ @10blurredsmoke10 @stanley--barber  @charmed-asylum @unmistakablyunknown

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous; continuing from this post)

“Mmmmm...” Nearl’s eyes flickered between open and shut for a minute or so, smiling unconsciously. She was so warm, but in her half-awake state, she couldn’t quite remember why.

The Doctor’s voice in her ear reminded her. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“What time is it?” She turned to face him, doing her best not to push him away with her tail. “Are we late to anything?”

“I called Kal’tsit again and got another day off, so we’re fine. Unless you wanted to go to work today?”

Nearl sleepily chuckled and kissed his forehead. “Not if I can lie here with you instead. Last night was so wonderful, I’d wondered if I’d dreamed it...I’m so happy it was real.”

“I feel exactly the same way.” The Doctor pulled himself closer; as long as he was here with her, he had no reason to get out of bed. “...Heh.”

“Hmm?”

He gave her a definitely-completely-innocent smile. “Nothing.”

“What are you thinking about?” When he didn’t reply, just laid there with a goofy smirk on his face, she started giggling. “My novels never said anything about something like this happening after the couple’s first night together.”

“Did they say anything about the next morning being an encore performance?”

That woke her up a little. “A few of them. Would you mind if I had something to eat first?”

“...Kind of,” he admitted, “but I am starting to get hungry myself...How about I take you out for brunch, then?”

“That sounds nice...Do you think yesterday counted as a date, or are we skipping around in the order?”

The Doctor shrugged. “I have no idea, Marge...Are we going to get up?”

“I was going to,” she replied, “but I’m not really awake yet. Could you, um...That one thing you did last night, could you do it again?”

“What are you- oh, that. Huh. I mean, it probably is easier on an empty stomach, I guess.”

Nearl rolled onto her back, taking him with her. “Thank you, darling.”

“Of course, love.” He pushed himself onto his knees, taking her in as if for the first time all over again and giving his body a chance to remember how he’d done this the first time. “What a way to start the day...”

-- -- -- --

Once the Doctor aroused Nearl from her half-sleep and they had a chance to freshen up, the two of them took the scenic route from his room to hers (for a more date-ready outfit) and then to the only restaurant in Rhodes Island’s complex with a view of the gardens. Between the serenity of the gardens, the joy of each others’ company, and the delicious meal accompanied by a glass or two of wine (because brunch is a wine meal, no doubt about that), the Kuranta was certain she couldn’t have asked for a better way to start her life with the Doctor.

That was what this was, wasn’t it? “Um, Doctor...Can I ask you something about the future?”

“I’m not Gitano, but I’ll try my best. What do you want to know?” He swirled his glass, peering as if the crimson tide within held an answer.

“Regarding us...” She sighed. “I know it’s too early for me to be thinking about being your wife, but...after we’ve had some more time to learn about each other, would you marry me?”

The Doctor set his wineglass to the side, coughed into his elbow, and from inside his jacket as he straightened his arm again, he pulled out a pair of bronze rings on a necklace-length chain. “One moment.”

“Are those from before your amnesia struck?”

“They are not,” he replied, undoing the chain and taking both rings off of it. “Do you remember Griffon and Valkyrie?”

The codenames of the two fallen Operators pained her for a moment. “I do.”

“Before her last mission, Val had a premonition that they wouldn’t be returning to Rhodes Island alive, so she gave these to me. She asked me to hold onto them in case she was wrong...but if she was right, she wanted me to have them, and when I felt the time was right, to give one to the person who made my heart soar like Griffon did.”

“That’s...” Morbid, but also in a rather romance-novel/soap opera this-isn’t-how-that-works-but what-if-it-did-just-once sort of way, “beautiful.”

He smirked. “At the time, I was certain I’d never have a use for them, but I held onto them for their sake. However, now that you’ve come into my life, I feel like a fool in the best kind of way for having done so.”

“So are these...engagement rings, then?”

“I think you need to be closer to the wedding for those,” the Doctor offered. “But since I see no reason to make a distinction along those lines, I’d say it’s the best name for them. Margaret Nearl, the light who outshines the sun in my eyes and in my heart, I promise that one day, when we’re ready to take that step, I will go with you to the altar so we can become one in the eyes of the law. Until then, let this ring be a reminder that, wherever life takes us, I am yours alone, and yours completely, beyond even the veil of death.”

Nearl’s eyes glittered with tears as she began to glow. “Doctor...How do you say such wonderful things so easily?”

“Because I’m saying them to someone more wonderful than words could ever hope to express.” He held out his hand, both rings in it, and as she extended hers for him to put one on her finger, he also handed her the other.

“I um...should I say a few words as well?” She stared at the second band of bronze. “I’m not sure I can match your poetry.”

He smiled encouragingly. “Your voice alone is music to my ears, darling; don’t trouble yourself with the details and simply let your heart speak.”

“...The day I left my home, exiled because of my recent Infection, I heard a street preacher proclaiming that the end of the world was upon us. With the life I’d imagined for myself in pieces on the ground around me, and the sun setting on my faith in the goodness of my fellow man, I believed him wholeheartedly. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, because it was not a tunnel, but a pit which swallowed men whole and cast them into eternal shadow. I imagined that was my fate, but resolved that until I met it, there was nothing I could do but attempt to give others hope...even if I was hopeless myself.

“When I met Shining and Liz, at first I saw kindred spirits - others who had been shattered by the truth but who struggled, like me, to deny it. After spending more time with them, however, my hope began to return. Maybe the pit I’d fallen into wasn’t as deep as I’d let myself believe it was, and slowly but surely, I began climbing its walls, sheer but surmountable. With the Followers at my side, I came to see the light in the world again. The first day I saw Rhodes Island’s flying city on the horizon, the sun rising behind it, I knew I hadn’t lost anything from being exiled. This would be my new home, and I would bring light to the Infected who’d fallen for the same lies I had. Then I met you...and I wondered again.”

He blinked. “What did you wonder?”

“You worked yourself to the bone every day, but you took no joy in your victories, nor did you curse at your failures. It was as if someone had stolen your soul and left your body to go about its motions without any heart to them.” She sniffled. “It was like looking in a mirror showing me my former lost self. I tried several times to reach through to you, but all I could do was watch as I felt the shadow deepening, and darkening, and the pit stretching out to take you...If I couldn’t save you, then who could I save?”

“But you did save me.”

Nearl nodded. “I did, I suppose...but only at the last minute.”

“Nearl, I wasn’t dying the night you found me.” The Doctor squeezed her hand, which hadn’t moved since he’d handed her the ring. “You’ve seen my arm, I’ve been cutting myself for weeks.”

“But you were dying, Doctor - slowly, but surely. Every day, you danced closer to the edge of the second pit, the same one that swallowed other colleagues of mine in the past. That was the edge I pulled you from that night. The next morning, lying next to you, I sincerely wondered if I could really be enough to save you, but then...I know you weren’t awake, but you muttered something in your sleep.”

He blushed. “I remember that, actually.”

“You do?” She cocked her head. “Were you awake?”

“No, I was asleep, but I had a dream about you. You wanted me to climb a ladder, but I was scared because it looked too tall for me to reach the top...So you picked me up and walked up it like it was a staircase, whispering in my ear, ‘You see? It wasn’t a ladder at all.’ And then I looked back, and the sun was rising, so I said-’”

Nearl said it as he did. “‘It’s so bright.’ That was all I needed to hear to know it wasn’t hopeless for you, but then I remembered what you’d said before you fell asleep, and, well...Where were we?”

“You were telling me your life story before putting a ring on my finger.”

She blushed and put the ring on. “There. Sorry, I got lost walking down memory lane.”

“It’s alright, Marge. You took me along for the trip.” The Doctor squeezed her hand again. “Are you awake now?”

“Certainly...if this isn’t a dream, I mean.”

He chuckled, standing up and taking her with him. “If it is, there’s no way I’m letting us wake up yet. Let’s go home.”

“Home? Oh, your room, of course.” Nearl skipped to close the arm’s length between them and set her head on his shoulder. “Rhodes Island as a whole has been my home since I arrived, Doctor, but now? Home will be wherever you are.”

[samesongxox]

Savior: Chapter 7 (Its Been, One Week)

Summary: (Hellboy 2019) AKA Turning a New Leaf AKA Good Samaritans Need Love Too. The B.P.R.D is tasked to infiltrate a black market creature trafficking ring led by a powerful warlock. Hellboy rescues Phyrra who is found being held hostage, a slave for her magic. He must protect her as she is hunted by her master and his gang of monsters. (AU where Broom isn’t dead/Abe wasn’t found)

It will be rated M, it will include violence, swearing, smuttiness, all the good things in life.

Disclaimer: Hellboy belongs to Dark Horse Comics/Mike Mignola, I don’t own anything except the AU and my OC’s.

Hellboy walked into the library, following the sound of Phyrra laughing. Now don't get him wrong, it was quickly becoming one of his favourite sounds. Top three in front of the sound of a beer opening and a nice clean shot from a new gun. It wasn't just the sound of her laughter though, joining it was the sound of his father talking animatedly about a topic Hellboy wasn't quite sure he was hearing it.

"He was a handful alright! I remember many Christmases all Hellboy wanted was a Howdy Doody doll of his own. He was beyond ecstatic this particular morning."

He watched as Phyrra cooed over the photo in her hands. He felt the cold wash of shame. Oh on. No, no.

"Dad, Phyrra. What's going on?"

Phyrra's eyes shot up and she blinded him with her smile. This wasn't good at all.

"Oh Hellboy! You were such a cute baby! Look at your little tail!" Hellboy felt very conflicted as he found himself pleased at Phyrra's bright smile, her utter delight. He supposed he could live with some severe embarrassment if she looked at him like that.

"Thanks, dad." Trevor just shrugged, flipping the page of the photobook. Hellboy took the chance and sat down beside her, figuring she was distracted enough by the mortifying pictures.

It had been a week since Phyrra's arrival to the B.P.R.D.

Seven excellent days of being in her presence, holding her attention, being able to talk to her. Seven days of watching the elf girl graceful moves around him. Seven days where he couldn't bring himself to ask her out.

Since the trio returned to HQ, something had changed between them and they had managed to become less nervous around each other. Everyone had taken to spending alternating shifts in the library and the warehouse a day, the majority of the creatures were harmless, able to be liberated to find their homes again. Trevor had phoned up some old friends running the sanctuaries for the harpies, a basilisk. Elias had seemed to even come into the possession of a dragon, a majestic beast that was currently on its way to Northern Ireland to stay with a Mr. Li-Yang, a most generous benefactor for those types of creatures.

Last night in the library, he thought he might have found something. Some ancient elven tombs he couldn't read, he had found on the highest shelf, even he had to stretch to reach it. He had voiced his interest to her so Phyrra had come over and leaned over him to look at the book, casually putting her hand on his shoulder to steady herself. She seemed to understand some of the languages and was able to decipher. He turned his head and gasped at how close their faces were. Phyrra was busy with the text in his hands, he stared openly at her in this new perspective.

Her skin seemed so soft, so pale and supple. Her tattoos fixated him in the graceful swirls that ran down her nose and cheeks. He couldn't stop imagining himself following the trails they made down her elegant, swan neck into the blouse she was currently wearing. He had become so enraptured he continued his inspection until she fixed her gaze on him.

"This is interesting. Nórë-o i taurë…" Her brow furrowed as she seemed to contemplate something. "May I have it for a moment?"

"Y-yeah." Hellboy snapped out of his daze as Phyrra had stood there for a moment, the book cradled in her arms as she scanned the page, face still puzzled. "May I continue reading this?"

Hellboy barely nodded before she was turning back to the armchair she had often claimed in the days, placing her slight form into the mass of cushion. She was enraptured by the book all afternoon until she seemed to reach her limit. No one voiced anything as they had parted ways for the night, but something was on Phyrra's mind.

Cut him some slack here, it wasn't like he was some pro at this.

Alice was right about Phyrra being proper. She was a serene girl, amiable and respectful to a tee. She was often silent and only smiled pleasantly at Alice and his antics.

The most passion he ever saw from her was when she was in the kitchen. Dad had tried so hard to not allow her to make their meals, stating that the B.P.R.D did have the main cafeteria. Chefs from all over the world were brought in to make fantastic meals for the many staff members of the organization, but Phyrra was strangely insistent.

So he saw glimpses of it, her being carefree.

And at this particular moment. Hellboy looked from her joyful face to the horrible pictures in her hands. Moments from his past that while not necessarily bad memories, but something he didn't want the girl he was crushing on to see.

"I'm sorry not that this isn't great." Hellboy leaned over to close the album containing his childhood.

"But shouldn't we get back to the books?" Phyrra and Trevor grew silent, they had already been discussing the recent turn of events a few moments ago before Phyrra's eyes had caught the album, her curiosity a welcomed change in the subject for her, Trevor had been more than happy to show her some pictures he collected over the years.

"That one you found yesterday Hellboy," She licked at her suddenly dry lips, "It holds the answers. I believe we should focus our attention on this. It's a language I know.. Or knew."

"Oh…That's awesome, isn't it?"

Phyrra felt her lips pulling, Hellboy was right. She was becoming quite perturbed at her continuing lack of memories, but she had found the answer, it just needed to be uncovered. She should be kinder to herself.

"Yes, it is." She giggled peacefully at Hellboy's open, jubilant expression. She placed her hand on his stone hand, Hellboy was daring enough to cover it with his hand. Their eyes were locked in a sudden trance.

They didn't know who reached first, but they ended up in a hug.

Phyrra had slowly begun to seek his contact more often, she couldn't stop herself from drifting towards him when he was near, placing her hand on his arm or against his shoulder as they conversed. Hellboy was funny like Alice but much more reserved. Phyrra had soon found out sitting around just reading wasn't fun for Hellboy, she was touched that him, that every one of them, had helped out considerably with the library's extensive collections.

Hellboy was always a source of warmth, a kind that Phyrra enjoyed immensely. She didn't voice it, but the hallways of B.P.R.D were rather chilled and damp to her. She would be lying if she said she didn't seek out the feeling of Hellboy's hot skin, finding it quite delightful.

He would feel better helping her in her bed, warming. Lulling her into a dreamless sleep...

Phyrra broke the hold first, pulling back with her head down to attempt to hide her flushed face.

"I will go get it. I stayed up most of the night continuing to try and understand " The elf girl scampered away on slight feet.

Father and son were left alone.

Trevor would have to be blind, deaf and dumb to not see Phyrra and Hellboy's fledgling relationship. On one hand, he wasn't against the idea of his boy finding companionship with this elf girl, Phyrra was a lovely girl.

She had only been here a short time, but her influence was already being seen in the team, Alice was ecstatic. The Professor had never realized she might be missing female companionship, Alice was always so confident.

Ben was even starting to come around to her presence, he had voiced his concerns to the Professor the night after Phyrra agreed to join the B.P.R.D.

Ben had come to Trevor asking him if this was the best idea, they were being put in a delicate situation, the warlock would no doubt be coming for her. Trevor had laid the Major's worries to rest, was it really about the possibility of a break-in, they were more than prepared for such a possibility. If it was simply the new addition, Trevor vouched for the young elf. Now, the Major had begun to relax around the girl, letting loose a few quips that showed his easing attitude.

No one had to guess to know how Hellboy felt about it, he was infatuated with the elf girl. The feeling was mutual if Phyrra's easy smiles and glances were any indication. It was a sweet kind of naive courting that Trevor didn't expect out of his son.

On the other, it was happening rather fast, call him old fashioned.

"Hellboy I would be remiss if I didn't voice my concern,"

".." Hellboy said all the displeasure he felt with no words, he knew exactly where this conversation was heading.

"I just want you to be careful, son. Phyrra is a very special girl, but I would be bereaved if I ever saw you heartbroken."

"Come on, dad!" Hellboy stood up and started pacing agitatedly. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Besides, you're the one who asked her to be on the team,"

"That's not the point, Hellboy. She's very unstable right now."

Hellboy gave his father a deadpan look.

"Okay, I get it, dad. I'm trying to take it slow," Hellboy did get it. Other than his cowardice, another reason Hellboy was holding back was her amnesia. Somehow it didn't feel right to be so attracted to this broken, lost girl. Not that Phyrra showed it. As far as the week went, she had been a bright light shining in the tunnels of HQ. If she was just putting on a happy face, she did not indicate cracking yet.

"I know we never actually had.. 'The talk',"

Hellboy groaned harshly, he wished he could wake up from this nightmare.

"And we never do! Please, dad, I'm begging you. Just stop." Hellboy covered his ears in a desperate attempt to quiet his father. He even went as far as to turn completely away from Trevor, in a spectacular sight of childishness.

He couldn't do this right now, it was bad enough he was starting to have dreams about Phyrra, his father discussing the possibility of them having sex was enough to make his skin turn white.

"Alright Hellboy, just... You know to be safe.." Trevor was thankfully interrupted by the alarm signalling, unfortunately, that only meant danger.

"What's happening?" Hellboy followed Trevor to the monitor connected to the security feeds, watching as the intruders walked through the hole blasted in the solid steel wall of the B.P.R.D.

"There seems to have been a break-in."

The visuals were blurry from the blast but Hellboy already knew who it was.

"Phyrra!"

-

Going into town had been an adventure. Due to the current lapse she had of her past, Phyrra had no clue if she had ever been amongst humans before. Sure the odd ones would come around to make a business from time to time, but they were certainly not treated with the best of hospitality.

It was cold here. A colder environment than she had ever been. Trevor had given her a thick woollen jacket to put on and these things called 'mittens' to place over her hands. Showing her a card before slipping it in her pocket, he told her it was a card containing her initial salary, and to use it where they were going to pay for what she wanted.

It all looked so busy, were her thoughts as she watched the scenery pass her by as they were driven to their destination. Busy as the people at the B.P.R.D. Humans always seemed to be running to and from something, Phyrra deduced. Before too long they left the car. Walking passed the mortals, she unconsciously pulled the hat down, attempting to cover her ears as much as she could. The hat was chafing them, but it was the safer option.

"There's no need for that, my dear. We are quite safe here," It had been a short walk to their destination from the car dropping them off, soon Phyrra was walking into a much warmer, filled with some of the loveliest garments Phyrra had ever seen.

"Binx may come out if she'd please." Phyrra had voiced the Professor's request to the pixie in her pocket, she with much enthusiasm, escaped her temporary confines.

"Here, I will take your coat and hat," Phyrra thanked Trevor as he assisted her in removing the now unnecessary things. There was something else about this store, it was obvious, Phyrra could practically taste the magic in the air.

Walking down the aisle that caught her eye, Phyrra found she liked pants.

He would never allow her to wear them. Her clothing was provided for her at all times, she never had a say in what she could wear. Trevor had only looked to her expectantly when they entered the shop. Phyrra was flabbergasted.

"I don't know where to start."

"Well, to be honest, Phyrra. I don't know if I'm the best person to come to for 'fashion' advice, would you be willing to have one of the workers here help?"

"Oh, maybe not," Phyrra bit her lip, her old ways of shyness welling up in her. Life was much easier to live in the B.P.R.D. Out here in this unknown world was quite frightening.

"Hey, Trevor! Long-time no see!" Phyrra was the audience to an enthusiastic woman run up and hug Trevor with no pretense.

Her pupils were too large to be human. Her skin was also slightly hued in blues. Some halfling perhaps, she looked almost mortal.

"Wow! What a beauty! " Binx watched with wary eyes as this unknown creature came up to Phyrra with seemingly no idea of manners or boundaries, hugging the small girl with enthusiasm.

"Definitely not human," the pixie acknowledged, Phyrra shushed her in the quietest way possible, whispering to the stubborn creature.

"You're being rude, Binxy."

"It's fine, she's right," Phyrra and Binx looked at the creature with comical matching expressions of surprise.

"I'm Ava. I picked up some Fae growing up, my parents ran a potions booth at the market downtown," The girl bounced from Phyrra to Binx, bowing slightly. "Nice to see some pixies still around,"

Binx bloomed like a peacock, it was her weakness. The vainness of most pixies sadly did not miss her friend.

"Please, let us get her out of these dreadful clothes,"

Phyrra was slightly miffed at her friend's sudden burning opinion, she happened to like the clothes provided for her by Sorah. She admired the B.P.R.D logo. A hand gripping a weapon, poised and ready to fight evil. Save creatures and humans alike. She looked to Trevor who smiled kindly.

"I'll let you ladies get to it, I'll be right here Phyrra." With the help of hyperactive Ava, Phyrra chose the clothes she wanted. It was very daunting, but in the end, she loved what she picked out, more-so for her ability to have been able to choose more than anything else.

Trevor had also shown what was her room now, to decorate as she pleased. Phyrra knew she was on the same floor as Hellboy and Alice's rooms.

She knew because she had been to Hellboy's, and later that same night, Alice had invited her into her room for 'girl's night'. It had consisted of them watching some human film that was about a couple in a passionate love that caused Phyrra to flush. Alice had also shown her how to 'paint her nails'. Phyrra had seen women with coloured nails but had never given it much thought.

When Alice had asked what her favourite colour was, Phyrra didn't have an answer.

"What do you think I should colour them?"

"I don't know, maybe blue like your eyes….I only have a few colours.." She muttered digging around in the drawer, placing all the vials on her vanity for Phyrra to pick, "I think pink or red would be a lovely colour on you." Phyrra had gone with the red, it was a lovely colour and contrasted with her skin nicely.

Alice had invited her to her room three more times in the week. It had been more than nice, Alice had the great talent of being very easy to talk to. Alice had told her the story of being stolen by fairies as a baby, how Hellboy had saved her, her ability to see and communicate with the dead, how she had often felt quite lonely. Phyrra had likewise confessed to her mundane, awful existence with Elias. The constant fear of punishment and instability with her surroundings.

"Thank you for sharing that with me Phyrra. But you know what? You're here with us now, you never have to worry like that ever again,"

Phyrra thanked Alice, to know this human girl was willing to protect her gave the elf girl great happiness.

The medium had expressed after the colouring nails lesson that Phyrra should remember her favourite things, it might help with her mind recovering.

She felt her memories on the tips of her fingers.

Something she wasn't telling anyone was she had been having odd dreams. Running through trees. Sitting at fires, alone and numb. It felt so real, lucid like it was her past but it wasn't making the gap to her remembrance. She was so close.

That book. It smelled of pine and gave Phyrra a pang in her heart.

Nórë-o i taurë. People of the forest.

It hadn't popped the memories in her mind as hearing Elias's name had been, but she knew that was the answer. She couldn't read all of it, but it was her language. On the borders of the pages were golden swirls, too close to the ones on her skin to be a mere consequence.

In her room, snuggled deep into the pillow, Phyrra snickered at the sight that was one very lazy pixie.

"Good morning Binxy, nice of you to wake up,"

"Hmm... I wouldn't be so tired all the time if you would get the proper sleep,"

Phyrra reached for the book laying on her new nightstand, before being startled, involuntarily throwing the book to the ground.

Alarms were sounded in the hallway, shrill clangs that caused Phyrra's sensitive ears to twinge. The elf girl wrenched her door open. Ignoring her friend's protest, she locked eyes with a frantic agent before he was blasted away from her sightline. Feeling as if she was in slow-motion, Phyrra turned her head. Her heart stuttered against her breastbone.

She stood face to face with Elias.

[for-a-flower]

Loneliness

           Frisk stirred under a soft blanket.  He slowly opened his brown eyes with a yawn.  The room light had been turned out and the door was shut.  Frisk moved the covers aside and sat up.  His eyes caught a glimpse of something on the floor, so he glanced down.  It was a plate and fork with a slice of butterscotch, cinnamon pie.  Frisk's stomach growled.  He smiled, slipped off the bed, picked up the plate and fork, then sat down again.  The child took a whiff of the pie and couldn't hold back.  He took a bite.  Immediately a pleasantly sweet taste filled his mouth.  He enjoyed it for a second before swallowing and taking another bite.  It was quite good.

           In a few minutes, the slice of pie was gone.  Frisk sighed.  His hunger had been satisfied.  It was a large slice after all.  It would likely hold him over for a while.  With the plate in hand, Frisk left the bed and opened the door to exit the room.  He glanced down the hall toward a dining room.  Toriel was by the fireplace.  She sat quietly on a cushioned recliner, holding a book with a smile on her face.  She now wore a pair of glasses to assist her reading.  Frisk set the plate on a shelf in the hall then snuck toward the other end with curiosity.  He stopped to look through an open door.  This room was painted blue.  By its contents, it must have been Toriel’s.  It had a much larger bed and various potted plants inside.  Frisk went in to look around. 

           One of the first things that caught his eye was a pot on her dresser, which held two Golden Flowers.  They seemed to shine brightly even though the light in the room was dim.  Frisk moved toward the dresser, peering up at them.  They were the same flowers that grew at center of his hometown.  He hadn’t gone out to see them very often, but had always thought they were bright and pretty.  Now that he thought about it, Golden Flowers were from the surface.  How did they get so far underground?  Frisk’s mom had told him they were hardy plants but . . . their seeds had to get here first somehow.  The child shrugged.  One of the humans who had climbed the mountain before must have brought some by accident.

           Frisk continued looking around.  He found a diary open on Toriel's desk.  A lamp beside it was still on.  Frisk moved to the desk and sat down on the large wooden chair in front of it.  On a page of the diary, there was a joke circled in red.  Frisk read it softly.  "Why did the skeleton want a friend?  Because he was bonely."  Frisk smiled then glanced at the next.  He read over a few jokes on the page.  They all had something to do with skeletons.  Frisk stopped reading as an odd fear crept in.  Why was she writing jokes having to do with skeletons?

           Frisk turned back through some pages, papers rustling softly.  He found a few diary entries and read one.  "I found a friend today.  He seems quite nice.  And he is so funny.  I cannot wait until tomorrow to talk again."  Frisk didn't find anything odd with the entry, so he turned back some more pages to read another.  "It is so quiet here.  I went to the store and bought some things from the spiders.  I tried to talk to them but they are not much for conversation."

           Frisk read over a few more entries before he began to get concerned.  He closed the diary.  She was alone.  Toriel was lonely . . . really lonely.  She had been here for a long time by herself . . . without anyone to talk to . . . except this someone she had met recently.  Perhaps she was making up those jokes to tell him or . . . maybe he just liked skeleton jokes.  Frisk wasn't sure.

           The human frowned.  No wonder she wanted him to stay.  And no wonder she had been so excited to see him.  Toriel hadn't seen anyone for a while.  She was doing everything she could to help him feel welcome and at home, because she didn't want him to leave.  Frisk slid off the desk chair and left her room.  He picked up the pie plate on the way toward the dining room.

           When Frisk approached the chair near the fireplace, Toriel looked up and smiled.  "Up already, I see?" she said.

           Frisk held up the pie plate with a smile.  "Thanks for the pie.  It was really good."

           "I am glad you enjoyed it!  You can set the plate on the table.  I'll take care of it," she said.  Frisk nodded.  He put the dish on the table then paused to look over three chairs around it.  There were two large chairs and one small one.  Frisk stared a minute.  Toriel wasn't only alone.  She had had a family at one point.  The smaller chair meant that there was a child here before, probably long ago.  A frown came over Frisk’s face as he rejoined Toriel.  She noticed the look on his face.  "What is the matter, young one?"

           "You're lonely . . . aren't you," said Frisk.

           Toriel stared back for several seconds.  “Um . . .”  She managed a smile.  "I want you to know how glad I am to have someone here.  There are so many old books I want to share.  I want to show you my favorite bug hunting spot.  I've also prepared a curriculum for your education."  She paused.  "This may come as a surprise to you but I have always wanted to be a teacher."  She glanced into the fireplace on the left.  "Actually . . . perhaps that isn't very surprising."  She narrowed her eyes.  "Still . . ."  She looked back at Frisk.  "I am glad to have you living here."  Frisk stared.  "Oh!  Did you want something?  What is it?"

           "Did you . . . have a family before?" Frisk asked.  Toriel's reddish eyes widened.  She glanced away, unsure how to respond.  "I noticed the smaller chair at the table and . . . all those toys in the room I slept in,” said Frisk.

           Toriel sighed, set down her book, and glanced into the fireplace again.  "I did.  But that was a long time ago.  At least a hundred years."

           "A hundred years?  You don't look that old," said Frisk.

           "Oh."  Toriel laughed a little, turning her head to smile at the human.  "How cute.  Thank you."

           "How long have you been alone?"

           "Hm . . . I am not sure.  It does not matter though.  I am not lonely now."

           "But . . . when can I go home?" said Frisk.

           Toriel paused, her smile fading.  "What?  This . . . this is your home now," she said.

           "I have a home on the surface.  My parents are probably really worried and . . . looking for me."

           "I know, my child, but . . ."  She lifted the book again.  "Would you like to hear about this book I am reading?  It is called, 72 uses for Sails.  How about it?"

           "Uh, okay."

           Toriel smiled, opened the book, and glanced at the page for a few seconds.  "Here is an exciting snail fact.  Did you know that snails have a chainsaw-like tongue called a radula?  Interesting."

           Frisk nodded.  "Weird.  I didn't know that."

           "Well, ask me if you need anything else," she said.

           "Okay.  So . . . how do I leave the Ruins?" said Frisk.  “Please?”

           Toriel gave the child a strange look.  "I have to do something.  Stay here."  She left the chair, rushing for the front room.  Frisk watched with confusion.  He saw her start down a staircase to a lower level then rushed after her.  Frisk hurried down the stairs into a long, dark tunnel.  He saw Toriel ahead.  She slowed when she heard him coming but didn’t look back.  "You wish to know how to return home, do you not?" she asked.  She walked as the little human followed close behind.

           "Yes," said Frisk.

           "Ahead of us lies the end of the Ruins . . . a one way exit to the rest of the underground.  I . . . I am going to destroy it."

           Frisk’s eyes widened.  "What?"

           "No one will ever be able to leave again,” she added.  Frisk reached out to grab a hold of her robe, but Toriel increased her pace.  Frisk ran after her down the hall.  It was difficult to keep up with her.  "Be a good child and go upstairs," Toriel said.

           "No, don't destroy it!” Frisk called.  “I don't want to be trapped here!"

           "Every human that falls down here meets the same fate," Toriel said.  Her pace slowed again.  "I have seen it again and again."

           Frisk frowned.  "What are you talking about?"

           Toriel responded with a sigh.  "They come . . . they leave . . . they die.”  Her voice was sad . . . broken.

           "What happened to them?”

           "You naive child . . . if you leave the Ruins . . . they . . ."  Toriel stopped.  Frisk finally caught up to stand beside her.  She lowered her head then glanced at him.  "Asgore . . . will kill you,” she said.  That name sent shivers down Frisk’s spine.  “I am only protecting you.  Do you understand?  Go back or stay here.  Please stop following me."  Toriel continued her quick pace forward.  Frisk followed like a stubborn kid.  He wasn’t going to give up.  "Do not try to stop me.  This is your final warning," Toriel added then turned a corner ahead.

           Frisk rushed after her.  "Wait!"  He rounded the corner as well then came to a halt.  Toriel stood at the tunnel’s end before a large, purple gate.  There was a design carved on the front, the same one on her robe.

           She stood before the gate, her back facing the young child and her head lowered.  She spoke to him with a voice much lower and stern this time.  "You want to leave so badly?"

           “Well . . . I . . .” Frisk began.

           Toriel let out a disappointed sigh.  "You are just like the others.  There is only one solution to this."  She grabbed the handles of the door with her furry hands then threw it open.  Beyond it was a wider hall and a spark of light, presumably leading to the Ruin’s exit.  Toriel spun around, facing Frisk with a scowl on her face.  "Prove yourself," she said.  She lifted her hands, magic flames igniting around them.  "Prove to me you are strong enough to survive!"

(Toriel blocks the way)

<Previous  Next>

Full Chapter List

[patchwork-panda]

If A Moment Is All We Are (35/?)

AO3 link: here

“He what?!”

“Yeah, it was his last day today,” the man continued, seemingly oblivious to my shock. “He was one of several professors set to be let go at the end of the semester. Now that exams are just about over, the department heads must’ve figured it was as good a time as any.”

“But why?” I asked, letting the elevator doors close without getting in.

I heard a short series of pings as it left without me.

“Letting go of so many people all at once—and right around exam season—it’s kind of strange.”

“No, it’s not,” the man said, swiveling back around to face his laptop. “I might just be a lowly building manager, but even I know that this department’s been in trouble for a while now.”

I saw him open up a tab on his web browser and scroll through the homepage of a department store. He leaned back in his chair and kept talking, his voice amiable.

Looks like he’s just bored and feels like gossiping...

“Yeah, it started with the teaching aides,” he said, clicking on a warm-looking black jacket. “They got axed at the beginning of last month. Then they got rid of a couple of associate professors. When we got the most recent email, I knew it was just a matter of time before they either dissolved the department or combined it with another one.”

He clicked on another jacket, a red one this time.

“Today’s my last day too. I’m just here killing time until Professor Shu finishes packing up so I can lock up. His students are planning a going away party for him before he transfers to Tokyo.”

“I... I see...”

I gripped the strap of my bag tightly and bowed slightly, though the man did not see.

“Thank you for telling me all that. I’ll go send those emails now.”

“Have a good one,” he drawled, not bothering to wave me off.

***

Budgeting problems, huh?

I rolled my chair back with a sigh.

Since the history department library was really close by, I decided to drop by so I could look into the building manager’s claims. Luckily, there were still a few students milling about and I managed to tag after a group of chattering girls around my age as they let themselves into the gleaming white building.

It didn’t take long for me to find the documents and articles I was looking for and as I clicked print and made my way across the room to retrieve them, I couldn’t help but feel a familiar twist of unease deep in my gut.

So, Professor Matsuyama had been let go.

Apparently, the university hadn’t been doing so well financially in the last few years. The history department, despite being one of the university’s oldest and most expansive, was no exception. With research grants drying up and research proposals themselves failing to gain much interest, either nationally or internationally, they were getting short on money. Throw in the fact that student interest in this department had been shrinking for years, it made perfect sense to downsize the whole department to keep the university afloat.

I plucked the documents from the printer and tucked them into my bag next to the old globe.

There was a good reason I hadn’t been able to find much information on Professor Matsuyama when I first started the case. His studies were particularly obscure. Even branching out into other areas hadn’t seemed to help and from the look of things, he hadn’t produced many research papers compared to his peers within the last few years.

It was almost as if he were distracted by something else...

I kept my bag open and stared at the globe nestled safely inside.

There was something disturbingly familiar about Professor Matsuyama’s behavior from what I’d seen of it so far.

First, there was the fact that he’d been acting strangely, according to Nomura’s first-hand report. Then, there was the resemblance to Dazai, to the look in my bandaged mentor’s deep, brown eyes...

I touched my fingertips to my own eyes, recalling the blood-stained ghoul that used to stare at me from those longest and coldest of nights.

“Just go, huh?”

I didn’t even have to close my eyes to see Dazai standing there in the middle of the hallway, his half-bandaged hands tucked into the pockets of his tanned trench coat, his softly curled bangs falling just so into his brown eyes as he tilted his head to the side.

“Come on, please...?” he whispered, his eyes growing dark. “If this works, I won’t ask you for anything else ever again. I promise.”

And finally, there was the fact that the professor had been let go and was now giving away his belongings, and to a complete stranger like me, no less.

Suddenly, I was back in the graveyard, watching Professor Matsuyama lay the flowers at Kei’s grave. I could still see him standing there, trailing his fingers along the headstone as he spoke.

“I’ll be seeing you...”

A chill went up my spine as I stared at the globe in my bag.

He wouldn’t...

Thinking quickly, I buckled down the top of my messenger bag and rushed outside, my phone already in my hand.

“Come on, pick up,” I whispered, my pulse quickening as I waited and waited as the dial tone droned on.

Finally, there was a click.

“Hello?”

“Nomura-san?” I exclaimed, feeling a brief rush of relief. “It’s Kusunoki from the Agency. I have a question: do you—”

A raucous peal of laughter burst from the other end of the line. Wincing, I held the phone away from my ear as the laughter subsided and Nomura’s voice became audible once more.

“Ah, sorry about that, Kusunoki-san!” he said, his words ending on a slight laugh. “I’m actually out at dinner with the Professor and his wife right now. What’s going on?”

He’s with the professor and his wife?

My feet slowed from a brisk jog to a walk.

“Oh, you’re all there?”

“Yeah,” Nomura said, this time sounding a little confused. “What’s going on? Is this about the case?”

“Oh, uh, sorta,” I lied, stopping in my tracks entirely.

I stared ahead of me at the central clearing on campus as the sun slowly dipped down further towards the horizon.

Sounds like they’re out having a nice time. Probably a going away party for Professor Matsuyama.

“D-don’t worry about it. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“You sure?” Nomura asked, a note of concern creeping into his voice. “Because if it’s important...”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said, smiling a little in spite of the ongoing churning in my gut. “You guys have a nice time, okay?”

“We will, thanks!”

I hung up.

Tucking my phone back into my bag, I looked up at the trees, whose leaves were beginning to change from bright green to deep gold in the light of the setting sun.

Maybe Professor Matsuyama did just want to give me a thank you present, just for listening to him talk. Maybe I was just being paranoid and worried for nothing...

But maybe...

I gripped my bag tightly and set off for the Agency, a cold wind starting to blow throughout the tree-lined path. I buttoned up my jacket and walked to the bus stop, Professor Matsuyama’s words once again echoing in my ears as I went.

“I’ll be seeing you...”

Maybe I was right and the professor really was planning to kill himself...

***

The trees swayed above me in an unseen wind.

I pulled my jacket a little tighter against my body, my shoes clicking hollowly against the cobblestones as I followed the winding path ahead, out through the trees

All around me was the sound of softly rustling leaves, patterns of shadow and light dancing along the ground.

The path ahead stretched, long and winding, out beyond the tunnel of trees and as I walked past the wooded part of the campus at last to a field of beautiful white flowers.

They were chrysanthemums, bold and stark-white, stretching as far as the eye could see. I gazed out across the fields and towards the water as a foghorn sounded in the distance.

Yokohama Bay...

I went towards it.

Suddenly, a figure appeared on the path ahead of me, a tall, dark figure with softly curled hair and a slightly stooped posture. He strode up the path, towards the hill in the distance, a hill with a single large tree and a lone grave resting beneath.

He clutched a bouquet of white chrysanthemums in one hand and as he turned back to the bay to look at the sea, I saw the shine of thick, round glasses sitting upon his narrow nose.

My eyes widened.

“Professor Matsuyama?”

He kept going, deaf, it seemed, to my call.

Picking up the pace, I began walking a little faster.

“Professor Matsuyama, wait!”

But he didn’t respond. He just kept walking towards the tree on the hill.

One by one, the chrysanthemums in his hand began to wilt...

Panicked, I pelted forward in a full sprint.

“Please, wait!!”

I chased him, down the winding path through the cemetery, past the fences and endless rows of headstones. All around us, the field of chrysanthemums began to wilt and fade away, but the man on the path ahead just seemed to be getting further and further away...

Finally, spurred onward by a desperate burst of speed, I caught up to him.

I reached out.

“Gotcha!”

But the moment my fingers grasped on to the end of his tawny, weathered blazer, it lengthened and began to unfurl like a flag. I let go just in time to watch it transform from the professor’s old blazer into an elegant, sand-colored trench coat.

I took a step back as the man before me turned, the bandages around his neck slowly unraveling in the breeze.

“Dazai...”

At once, a howling wind tore through the cemetery. White chrysanthemum petals scattered through the air as the bandaged detective slowly rotated on the spot and turned towards me. His bandaged forearms were shoved deep into his pockets and his sand-colored trench coat billowed all around him in the sudden storm.

High in the sky above us, an enormous, bright, full moon shone down on the two of us, illuminating our bodies in a harsh, pale glow like a distant spotlight.

Dazai smiled, his bright brown eyes twinkling like stars in the cold, spring night.

As the grave of S. Oda loomed large in the background behind him, the handsome brunette slowly reached out his hand and beckoned to me with one outstretched finger.

“Kyou...”

A single bandage unraveled from around his wrist and as I looked up into Dazai’s beautiful, hauntingly dark eyes, I could see my own reflection staring back.

“My sweet Camellia blossom...”

Tracks of red marked my cheeks, leaking from the corners of my eyes.

I reached out to take his hand.

“I promise...”

Dazai’s fingers wrapped tightly around mine and I went to him as his smile stretched wide.

“I won’t tell Kunikida-kun a thing.”

***

“Kusunoki-kun.”

I felt my head dipping lower and lower towards my chest.

Someone was calling my name...

“Kusunoki!”

I snapped awake and jerked to my left to see a very stern Kunikida sitting at my side, his beautiful gray-green eyes more slate than sage.

He wasn’t smiling.

“The meditation session is over,” he said quietly, his blonde brows knitting together as he studied me.

His voice was low, but relatively even.

“Are you ready to begin today’s session?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, my cheeks coloring in embarrassment. “I am.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye as he slowly got to his feet and dusted himself off.

“Sorry...”

“It’s no big deal,” Kunikida replied, heading for the corner with the training dummies. “So long as you got something out of it, it’s alright.”

I felt my cheeks flush darker with shame as I heard his footsteps retreating further and further away.

Kunikida-san...

He’d been a little off all morning. At first, I hadn’t noticed, having not slept very well after being awoken by that nightmare. But when I’d approached the tall, blonde detective from down the hall earlier, arriving just as he was opening the door, I couldn’t help but see that his shoulders were just a little bit stiff, his bow just a little bit more curt.

He hadn’t smiled once this whole time and the contrast in his mannerisms from the last training session was nothing short of jarring.

Was he upset at me for falling asleep earlier...?

Or...

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I watched as Kunikida silently crossed the room, his back rigid and his aura so deadly serious that I half wondered if he was actually thinking about a murder investigation. He paused before the collection of training dummies with his arms crossed, his frown deepening as he considered them.

Was it possible that there was something else bothering him?

Something that a certain bandaged maniac might have told him about while they were alone in the break room yesterday...?

“Kusunoki-kun...?”

Kunikida’s voice was quiet and unusually hesitant. He didn’t look away from the training dummies even though it was very clear he was speaking to me.

My stomach began to tighten into a knot.

“Mind if I ask you something?” he inquired, tapping his chin. “It’s a question I’d like you to answer before we get started today...”

I froze.

It’s not what you think.

My heart beat wildly in my chest as Kunikida trailed off, seemingly pondering the right way to word his question.

Whatever Dazai told you in the break room yesterday is not the whole truth. I can explain...!

But I actually couldn’t. My mouth was so dry that I couldn’t get it to form any words. I swallowed thickly, trying in vain to say the things I needed to say.

“I was wondering,” Kunikida said slowly, finally turning around.

His gray-green eyes found mine.

“How do you feel about learning how to do a simple throw?”

I stopped trying to talk at once. A single strained syllable slowly made its way out of my throat.

“...Huh?”

“I know it’s only your third day of training,” Kunikida continued, sounding slightly apologetic as he spoke. “But you’ve clearly been working very hard and it seems to me like you’re really getting the hang of this.”

His expression softened.

“I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, but if you feel like you’re ready to learn some new techniques today, I’d be happy to show you a few.”

He coughed a little and looked away.

“What do you think?”

I brought my hands to my lips.

“Kunikida-san...”

I was an idiot. Kunikida wasn’t mad at me. In fact, he wasn’t even thinking about yesterday’s incident at all. He was just worried about the lessons proceeding too quickly for me.

The only person who was worried about yesterday was me...

I felt my shoulders sag in obvious relief.

What was I thinking? That Kunikida—the man who had saved me over and over and over again—a man who possessed such strength and dignity and character—could possibly feel something as petty as jealousy or doubt over a couple of hushed conversations held in private with his partner? Even if that partner was someone like Dazai?

Kunikida would never take out his feelings of hurt on me.

He wasn’t that kind of man.

I wouldn’t have fallen for him if he was.

As I looked at him standing there before me, his hands tucked deep into the sleeves of his white martial arts gi, his beautiful gray-green eyes patient and kind, I realized just how badly I wanted to please him. To do something that might make him see me the way I saw him.

Something that would blow all doubt between us completely out of the water.

I took in a deep breath and smiled.

“I’ll do it,” I said. “Teach me how to throw.”

Kunikida looked slightly taken aback.

“Are you sure...?” he asked, sounding just a touch doubtful. “This isn’t going to be like anything you’ve done before. It’s much more difficult than the previous techniques you’ve learned and requires far more concentration and skill—”

“Kunikida-san.”

I felt my hands clench as a strange sort of determination began to well up from deep within my gut.

“I want to do this,” I heard myself say.

I want to do this for you.

Kunikida grew quiet. I saw his eyes searching mine, for traces of uncertainty, for any reason to take it all back. But when he found none, he just nodded, a slight set to his jaw as he smiled back. He turned back towards the collection of training dummies and continued the selection process.

I can’t believe I got so worked up over all that.

I stood there, watching in silence as Kunikida picked out a large, black cloth-covered dummy from somewhere in the back and began dragging it over.

I can’t believe I got so worked up over that thing that happened yesterday, over the dream that I had, over Dazai...!

But as Kunikida left the set of mannequins in the corner behind and brought the black-cloth dummy closer and closer towards me, I felt that horrible, nagging sensation of doubt gnawing at my gut once more.

Even if Kunikida might not be fully aware of it, he had plenty of good reasons to doubt, to be irritated with, or at the very least, disappointed in me.

It was more than just the conversation that happened in the break room yesterday. There were so many things I was hiding from him...!

For one, there was the fact that I had a not-so-secret crush on him. Kunikida might not have figured it out, but Dazai definitely knew and Yosano and maybe even Kyouka had probably guessed. I still hadn’t deleted those photos of Kunikida’s notebook that Dazai had sent me way back when and I still liked going through them once in a while, just so I could keep the vision of what I was aiming for fresh in my mind.

I felt a sinking in my gut as my brain continued listing the things I was hiding from Kunikida even as I tried to get it to stop.

I hadn’t talked to him once about my current case (even though I’d consulted Dazai). He probably didn’t know about the new upgrade in my Ability (even though Edogawa did). And worst of all...

I tried not to flinch as Kunikida slammed the training dummy down on the ground in front of me.

Dazai must have guessed, even though I hadn’t said the words out loud.

The dummy’s legs buckled a little from the force of the impact and I watched nervously, chewing on my lip in silence as Kunikida straightened it back up so that it was standing a little more upright.

That I’d tried to kill myself before.

And that this was the reason why the case of Professor Matsuyama... and why my conversation with Dazai... was bothering me so much...

I let my eyes settle on Kunikida as he got into position beside the dummy and began to speak.

“This training dummy was specifically designed as an opponent for judo and mixed martial arts,” Kunikida said, patting the dummy firmly on the shoulder. “It has all the same basic body parts as an actual human being but only weighs about as much as the average set of couch cushions. Perfect for practicing throwing when you’re not yet ready for a real opponent.”

I nodded, turning my attention to the dummy.

Unlike the roly-poly toy and the wing-chun dummy from our previous training sessions, this one actually looked a little like a real person. It was roughly my height, had an entire faceless head and body and limbs and seemed to be made of the kind of textured black fabric that punching bags were made of.

I watched as Kunikida grabbed one of its two arms—hand-less arms that jutted straight ahead at me like a zombie’s—and shook it a little so that it wobbled slightly on the log-like stumps that served as a pair of legs.

“I’m going to start you off with the basics,” he said, walking towards the dummy so that he was now standing between it and me. “Throwing is actually quite simple if you’re doing it correctly. What you want to do is to use your opponent’s weight or momentum against them and you can do this using simple physics.”

He pushed back on the dummy’s shoulder, making it teeter dangerously on its stumpy legs.

“The key is leverage. If you apply a certain amount of force to the upper body—”

He pushed on the dummy’s shoulder a little bit more.

“—and create another point of contact somewhere on the lower body, especially below the knees—”

I watched as he placed one long leg behind both of the dummy’s and in one swift movement, pushed the dummy backwards so that it tripped over his extended leg. It hit the ground with a soft “thwump.”

“You can knock over any opponent, even if they’re bigger or heavier than you,” Kunikida said, immediately reaching for the dummy so he could prop it back up.

I nodded, suddenly understanding why the dummy had looked so scuffed up in so many places.

“Overall, it’s a pretty versatile technique, with multiple variations. For example...”

I watched as Kunikida tucked his hand towards his chest, placing his folded arm against where the dummy’s collarbone would be.

“You can use your whole forearm or even your elbow,” he said, demonstrating by pushing slightly against the mannequin so that it wobbled on its footless legs once again.

“To push your opponent off balance. You can even grab them by the neck—”

I couldn’t help grimacing as Kunikida seized the training dummy by its short, fat neck and squeezed.

“—and twist your body to hurl them to the floor, if you so wish,” he said, already starting the movement.

“Like this.”

He twisted sharply to the side and I winced noticeably as Kunikida slammed the dummy to the ground. Its lifeless cloth body lay there on the tatami like that of an actual corpse’s and as I glanced from it to my mentor, I was abruptly reminded of the man he’d punched during our first case together. Suddenly realizing how the whole thing must’ve looked, Kunikida coughed a little and started picking the mannequin back up.

I bit my lip.

How bad is it that I found that both terrifying and kind of hot at the same time...?

“A-anyway,” Kunikida stammered, the tips of his ears now tinged slightly pink, “I want you to remember that you’ll need at least two points of contact if you want to throw an opponent. One who isn’t running towards you. If someone is running after you, all you have to do is find a way to trip them. Then, you’ll be using their own momentum against them to deal the necessary damage, like you did with the bomber on your last case.”

He set the dummy upright again and turned to me.

“You got that?”

I nodded.

“Good. Any questions?”

I shook my head.

Kunikida nodded back.

“In that case,” he said, “I want you to try throwing that dummy. Start with the most basic of the take-downs, which would be the first one I showed you. Then, when it looks like you’ve got the hang of it, you should try doing some of the variations. Ready?”

I nodded again and grabbed the dummy by the shoulder, rocking it a little so that I could test its weight. I’d never thrown anyone in my life before and I was starting to wonder if I’d bitten off more than I could chew. But I could feel Kunikida’s eyes on me from across the room, so I gritted my teeth, squeezed the dummy tightly and prepared to push.

“Hold on, Kusunoki.”

I froze as Kunikida came towards me.

“Make sure you’re both pushing and tripping at the same time,” Kunikida said gently, taking his hands out from inside the sleeves. “If you only do one or the other, your opponent will only stumble, not necessarily fall.”

“So, like this?” I asked, hooking my leg around the dummy’s and pushing on the shoulder just a little more.

Despite the fact that the dummy wasn’t that heavy, it wasn’t that easy to throw. It must’ve had weights in its legs or something...

“More.”

“Like this?”

I pushed the dummy backwards and watched as it teetered a little on its weighted legs.

“...Like this.”

And before I knew what was happening, Kunikida stepped up behind me, placed his hand over mine and helped me push.

I felt a fierce blush streak across my face as the dummy rolled over my leg. As it hit the ground at last with a solid “thump,” I turned to look over my shoulder at Kunikida, whose face was so close to mine that I could see the beads of sweat forming on his nose.

I thought my heart would stop.

“And now you’ve done your first throw,” Kunikida declared, the tiniest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips. “How does it feel?”

Uh...

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t stop staring at his lips.

Kunikida frowned.

“Kusunoki?”

His gray-green eyes flicked from my face to my hand. His mouth fell open.

“Sh—”

He backed away from me, his eyes averted, his face bright pink.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, taking yet another step away.

The color began to fade from his cheeks and I thought I saw him biting his lip as he stared at the floor. His hands clenched into fists for a moment before he stuck them back into his pockets and turned away from me.

“Please continue throwing the dummy,” he said, addressing me but facing the wall. “I’d like you to do that basic take-down at least nine more times. Then, when it looks like you’re ready, switch it up and use a variation. You’ll need to do each variation ten times before you move on to the next.”

I felt something constrict in my chest.

“Kunikida-san?”

Something was wrong. What just happened?

“You got that?” he asked, “Kusunoki-kun?”

He didn’t... drop the honorific this time.

Without warning, the slow, uncomfortable gnawing in my gut returned.

I bit my lip and looked away.

“Yes, sir.”

I returned my attention to the dummy and began practicing, my grip tightening on the dummy’s shoulder as I watched Kunikida walking further and further away.

Kunikida-san...

I hooked my leg around the dummy’s as Kunikida stopped and took up a position by the wall.

Why are you standing so far away?

I pushed against the dummy’s shoulder, exactly the way my tall, handsome mentor had shown me just moments before. My hand felt strangely cold without his touch...

Is there a reason you can’t stay close to me the way you did during the last two training sessions?

The dummy rolled over my leg and fell backwards through the air.

And does the reason have anything to do with Dazai?

The sound of the dummy hitting the floor reverberated throughout the silent room.

Kunikida did not look back up.

I sighed and bent to retrieve the dummy.

“Kusunoki-kun.”

I glanced up. Something small and hopeful fluttered in my chest. The dummy slipped out of my hands as I saw Kunikida’s gray-green eyes venture towards mine at last.

“Yes?”

He looked at the dummy and then back to me.

“That was fine. Eight more times, please.”

My heart sank.

“Okay...”

And with that, the training session slowly dragged on. Even though Kunikida had made it sound like he was going to be keeping an eye on me (both to correct my technique and to prevent me from getting hurt), I couldn’t help but feel that my mentor now seemed oddly distracted. Was he afraid of getting too close to me because he was afraid of activating my Ability?

No, that couldn’t be it...

I felled the dummy one more time as Kunikida pulled his little green notebook out from the folds of his gi and started writing something down.

We’d talked about it at the first training session already and so far I’d been able to control “The Story of Your Life” every time. Including this one.

I hadn’t felt so much as a tug.

I picked up the dummy and set it back on its softly weighted legs.

So if that wasn’t it, then what was it?

I turned and looked over my shoulder at the tall, blonde detective.

Would it really be so foolish of me to ask?

“H-hey... Kunikida-san?”

I managed to force the tiniest of smiles onto my face as my mentor put down his notebook and looked at me at last. My nerves were threatening to get the better of me.

“Is... everything okay?”

Kunikida’s eyebrows furrowed together. He blinked at me, looking slightly confused.

“Yes, of course,” he said, though the set of his jaw told me otherwise. “Why do you ask, Kusunoki-kun?”

I chewed on my lip, studying him.

“Well, it’s just...”

“Yes?” he asked, slowly closing his notebook. “What is it?”

“I... I wanted to know...”

“Don’t worry...”

I flinched as a distant voice called out from within my memories.

“I won’t tell Kunikida-kun a thing...”

I faltered.

I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to ask him about Dazai...

I cleared my throat and changed my question.

“I wanted to know if you could teach me how to throw a real person today.”

Kunikida’s mouth dropped open.

“You what?”

“Yeah,” I said, positioning myself so that I could grab onto the dummy one more time. “Kunikida-san’s instructions were really easy to understand. In fact, I think I’m really getting the hang of it!”

Taking advantage of the fact that Kunikida was now looking at me once again, I pushed the dummy and threw it over my leg. It hit the ground with a soft smack and I turned to Kunikida and smiled.

“See?” I panted, grabbing the dummy by one of its stiff cloth arms and pulling it back to its weighted feet.

“Piece of cake.”

“I don’t know,” Kunikida said slowly, his eyebrows drawing together. “It’s a pretty big leap, going from training dummy to actual human being. If you lose focus or momentum and you’re not able to do it right, you could get seriously hurt.”

I tried not to balk.

Could he tell that I was getting tired, that the lack of sleep and continual exercise was slowly starting to take its toll?

No.

Even if that was the case, now that I’d said the words aloud, I really did want to learn how to do a real, proper throw, on an actual human being. And I didn’t care how hard I had to push myself to do it.

If it could cheer Kunikida-san up, and dispel whatever worries he was dealing with right now, even if it was just for a short time, then it would be worth every bruise.

“Kunikida-san...”

I want you to look at me with those eyes again.

“I really want to try this.”

I want to see you smile.

“If I don’t keep working hard and pushing myself,” I said, taking a step forward, “how will I ever improve?”

I just want to get a little closer to you...

“Come on, Kunikida-san.”

I sounded like I was practically begging.

“Please?”

What would it take for me to feel your touch just one more time?

Kunikida grew quiet.

I watched him open his notebook back up, flip through the pages and skim through its contents. His lips thinned into a line and he looked like he was thinking very, very hard...

“Okay,” he said at last, closing the notebook. “I’ll teach you how to throw a person.”

“Really?”

My heart pounded in my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was excited or nervous or both. Probably both. The fact that Kunikida was looking at me again might also be part of it.

“But only under three conditions,” he said. “It’s really important that we do this safely. One.”

He raised a finger into the air.

“You have to tell me if you’re getting tired or if it’s getting to be too much for you. I want you to be aware of your own limits and not go past them. Two.”

He ticked off the count on another finger.

“If things start to go south, I am going to put a stop to things immediately. It’s quite possible that everything will go okay but if things get rough...”

He frowned, his eyes steely behind his rectangular glasses.

“I don’t want to see you taking a trip to Yosano-sensei’s operating room because of this. I think you’ve had enough of that for now.”

I audibly gulped.

Yeah, definitely.

“Three...”

Kunikida took his notebook and set it on the ground. He came forward.

“I want you to use me as your training dummy.”

My pulse stuttered in my chest.

“Huh?”

“It’s safer that way,” Kunikida explained. “I know how to fall correctly, which means I won’t be easily injured during a practice take-down. Furthermore, if you are to make a mistake—and I’m not saying you will, but if it does happen...”

His gray-green eyes softened a little as he looked at me.

“I’ll be able to catch you and keep you from getting hurt.”

“Kunikida-san...”

Of course.

I felt a familiar squeeze of affection deep inside my chest.

Of course his first priority would be my safety.

Even when I was doing my best to work hard and become the kind of woman he dreamed of, he was still thinking of how to keep his kohai from coming to any harm.

This...

“Okay,” I said.

Kunikida nodded and went to the corner for the foam training mats.

This is why I fell for you.

I followed him.

You’re so gentle.

“Let me help.”

As I grabbed the other end of the training mat and helped him move it a little further towards the center of the room, Kunikida’s eyes flicked up towards mine and I thought I saw a shadow of the smile he’d worn yesterday when he’d been so happy to see my progress.

“You know, I’m kind of surprised,” he said, his deep voice pleasant and conversational as he thought aloud. “I didn’t realize you were so interested in this kind of thing. Did something happen to make you want to learn more quickly?”

“Not really,” I admitted, unable to look directly at him. “I just thought it would be a good idea.”

Kunikida nodded and we tossed the first of the foam mats onto the ground.

“I see. Well, whatever the reason, it’s good to see a student with such initiative. To be honest with you, I’m still a little unsure about this. There generally aren’t that many opportunities to use this particular technique in a real fight but...”

I trailed behind him as he went back for yet another mat.

“Who knows.”

And as I got on the other side of the stacked mats and helped him lift one off, he smiled. I nearly dropped the mat in shock.

“You’ve surprised me before. Maybe you’ll do it again.”

Heat rushed into my face.

I’d let Dr. Yosano chop me up a dozen times in a row if that was the price I had to pay to see Kunikida smiling like this more often.

Cheeks burning softly, I smiled back and looked away, the undisguised warmth in Kunikida’s expression making me go weak in the knees.

Hmm...

I stumbled a little on the way to the area where we were laying down the mats.

Then again, it might be the sleep deprivation, after all. I’ll have to be careful.

When all the training mats were laid out at last, Kunikida stood before me, his arms loose at his sides and began his final lecture of the day.

“Alright, Kusunoki, listen up. What we’re going to be doing is exactly what you’ve been practicing with the dummy all morning. We’ve got a little less than fifteen minutes left on the clock,” he said, checking his watch, “which means we’ll probably get maybe five throws in at the very most.”

He glanced behind him at the training mats, already mentally calculating where he should land. His eyes met mine.

“If you’re ready to start practicing, grab my shoulder the way you grabbed the dummy’s. Remember, I’ll be okay. You just focus on keeping yourself safe. Besides.”

His gray-green eyes flicked away for a moment. His cheeks were dusted pink.

“I’d rather be the one taking a trip to Yosano-sensei’s operating room if it comes down to it...”

“Kunikida-san...”

My heart twinged.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think there was a chance he might return my feelings...!

Nervously, I took hold of his shoulder and got into a proper fighting stance. I nodded.

“Okay.”

I gritted my teeth and hooked my leg around his. I pushed.

“Sorry about this.”

It took only a second. Kunikida fell backwards, exactly the way the dummy had around my leg. A sharp crack reverberated throughout the room as he hit the mats below, his limbs sprawling out as his body bounced slightly against the foam.

I gasped and immediately dropped down to my knees.

“Kunikida-san?!”

I reached out to check him for signs of injury.

He looked like he was shaking...!

“Are you alright?!” I exclaimed, turning him over in a panic.

But to my surprise, Kunikida was actually laughing.

I stared.

“What the—?”

“Not bad, Kusunoki, not bad!” Kunikida chuckled, waving me off and getting to his feet. “Pretty good for your first time”

“You’re—you’re okay?” I stammered, my hands raised, my eyes automatically darting about for any sign of injury.

“Fine, thanks,” Kunikida said, his voice warm. “I told you: I know how to break my fall. Now then, let’s try to improve your technique. Like I said before, that was pretty good but remember that I’m bigger and heavier than the average ruffian, so you’ll need to make some adjustments for an opponent like me...”

The next ten minutes passed in a blur.

Kunikida was right. Throwing a real person was much more difficult than throwing a mannequin, but as I made improvements in my technique, I watched the smile on Kunikida’s face grow bigger and bigger. By the time I’d thrown him for the fifth time, he was practically glowing with pride.

“That was your best one, yet,” Kunikida declared, picking himself up off the floor. “I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re getting this even quicker than Atsushi did.”

“R-really?” I gasped, wiping the sweat off my brow. “I am?!”

“Yeah, you are.”

But as I reached out to him and felt his hand close around mine, I thought I felt the room shift a little around me. But it wasn’t my Ability activating...

Kunikida’s grin slipped off of his face as he saw me take an extra step back, stumbling a little as I pulled him to his feet.

“Kusunoki-kun... are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, fine,” I mumbled, shaking myself off a little. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.”

“Hmm...”

As I struggled to regain my composure, Kunikida lifted his wrist up so that he could check his watch.

“Ah. Looks like we’ve got exactly two minutes left. Maybe we should stop here for today, seeing as how you figured out the basic technique already.”

“Two minutes?” I repeated, glancing at the clock. “That means we have time for one more, right?”

“Well, sure, but—”

“One more time?” I insisted, ignoring the way my arms ached.

I want those last two minutes with you.

I took a step towards him, my hands clasped in front of my chest.

“Please?”

Kunikida studied me. My face, already warm from exercise, heated up just a little more as I felt those beautiful sage-colored eyes sweep over me. Finally, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Alright,” he relented, dropping his arm so that he was once again in position. “But make sure not to lose concentration—”

“No problem.”

And without missing a beat, I grabbed onto the fabric of Kunikida’s gi one last time and hooked one leg behind his knee...

“Huh?”

I heard my voice floating in the air, as if it didn’t belong to me.

That’s weird...

Kunikida’s eyes widened in alarm.

“Kusunoki!!”

There was a rush of wind.

Why are my legs being swept out from under me instead of his...?

A sound like a thunderclap rang out throughout the training room. I felt my eyes squeezing shut on their own as all the air in my lungs was forced out all at once.

“O-ow...”

I was lying on top of something—something warm.

It felt way too firm to be just the foam training mats on their own...

I opened my eyes with a sharp gasp.

“Kunikida-san!!”

“Kusunoki-kun.”

He groaned slightly as he opened his eyes. His glasses had been knocked askew and he was clutching me to his chest, his arms wound so tight around my body that I could barely breathe.

He... he saved me again. Just like he said he would.

I thought I could feel tears starting in the corners of my eyes as I looked into his handsome face.

He braced my fall so that I wouldn’t get hurt.

“Kunikida-san, are you okay?”

He winced a little but nodded all the same. “I’m fine,” he whispered, his voice laced with pain. “How about you?”

“I... I’m okay...”

I swallowed thickly.

“Thanks to you. I’m so sorry, Kunikida-san. I don’t know what came over me—”

“No, I’m sorry,” Kunikida replied, his arms loosening around me at last now that he was sure I was uninjured.

I scrambled off of him and tried to help him up.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” I mumbled, the guilt sitting heavy in my stomach like a rock. “I was the one who pushed for this, I—”

“No, I should’ve known better than to agree,” Kunikida sighed, his voice quiet.

He sat up. His gray-green eyes met mine.

“You were tired, weren’t you?”

I stiffened.

“I...”

“How many times,” Kunikida growled, the low rumble of his voice sounding more and more like thunder in the distance with every word. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop pushing yourself past your limits?! You know how dangerous this could be, we just went over this!”

An involuntary quiver went through my lip. I bit into it to stop it from wobbling but it was too late. I was already on the verge of tears.

“I’m sorry...”

“I don’t want you to apologize to me!” Kunikida snapped, his eyes flashing. “I want you to take better care of yourself! What is it going to take to get through to you?!”

Oh God...

Two fat, thick tears dripped out of the corners of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

Kunikida froze.

“Shit...”

He covered his face with one large hand.

“Go see Yosano-sensei upstairs to make sure you’re not injured,” he said quietly.

He let his face drop further into that hand and rested his folded arms on his knees.

“I’ll finish cleaning up down here. We’re done for today.”

My chest hurts...

I could hear my own voice breaking as I spoke.

“K-Kunikida-san.”

“I said we’re done.”

There was no room for argument in his tone.

Tired, sad and defeated, I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to go.

Idiot. Fucking idiot.

I grabbed my things from the corner of the room, swinging my backpack over my shoulder, barely feeling the impact as it landed on the biggest bruise on my back. I could barely see the scuff marks on my track pants through the tears.

You’ll never be Kunikida’s ideal woman now...

I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it.

“Kusunoki.”

I stopped.

Turning slightly so that I could look over my shoulder, I saw Kunikida, still sitting there on the training mats, looking like he hadn’t moved a muscle since I’d left his side of the training room. He was still covering his face with his hand.

“Yesterday,” he started, his voice heavy with regret, “at the break room. How much did you—?”

My heart stopped.

He sighed again.

“N-never mind.”

He turned further away.

“Forget I said anything.”

My fingers tightened over the doorknob.

“Kunikida-san?”

“Don’t worry about it, Kusunoki,” he mumbled, taking his hand off his face at last, though the expression on his face was still out of view. “Just go upstairs and see Yosano-sensei. I’ll be up shortly.”

I felt my grip loosen slightly on the doorknob.

“Okay...”

And with that, I opened the squeaking door to the training room and left Kunikida behind.

***

“Okay, now look to your left.”

I tried not to squint as I followed the beam of light from Yosano’s flashlight towards her left shoulder.

“Right.”

I chased after the beam of light with my eyes once again.

“And back.”

I obeyed.

“Alright.”

Yosano clicked the tiny, handheld device off and stuck it back inside her lab coat pocket.

“Good news,” the good doctor concluded, picking up the clipboard from off the counter and scribbling down some notes. “It looks like you don’t have a concussion. You’re lucky I was in early today.”

She frowned.

“Well, maybe not lucky,” she chuckled. “I’m absolutely certain Kunikida knew about my schedule before you even started your little training sessions together. I’m not even a little bit surprised he was so careful, considering who it is he was training...”

“Yosano-sensei...”

She lowered her clipboard and glanced over it at me.

“Will you be seeing Kunikida-san after this?” I asked, staring down at my legs, noting how thin they looked as they dangled over the side of the cot.

When she’d realized that none of my bones were broken, seeing as how I was able to get up the stairs all on my own, Yosano had allowed me to change from my track clothes to my regular office wear, provided I do it in her presence. Luckily, she’d concluded that I barely had any scrapes or bruises from my training session this morning.

Which was more than what I could say about Kunikida...

“Kunikida-san, he...”

I felt my lip quivering again as I stared at the single yellowed bruise above my knee, one I’d gotten while bumping into a chair a week ago.

“He didn’t look so good when I left,” I mumbled. “He took... all the damage from that fall. I’m worried that he’s hurt...”

Yosano put the clipboard down.

“Did you tell him that?” she asked quietly.

I shook my head.

She wheeled her chair a little closer.

“Did you say... anything... to him earlier?”

I nodded, but only slightly.

“I told him sorry. And he...”

I could feel the tell-tale prickling of tears gathering in my eyes again and I brought my hands up to my face just in time to stifle the oncoming sob.

“Oh, Kyou-chan... Come here...”

I felt her sit down next to me on the cot. With one gentle touch, Yosano pulled my body towards hers and laid my head on her shoulder, rubbing my back soothingly as I sniffled and made a mess into my hands.

“I’m sure Kunikida is fine. He’s had much worse, trust me.”

She sighed.

“But... he really isn’t good with this sort of thing, is he?” she remarked dully, continuing to rub small circles between my shoulders as I hiccuped softly into my hands.

“Remember what I told you yesterday in the break room?”

I nodded.

“Well, I’m taking that remark back.”

I stopped sniffling into my hands and took the box of tissues from her so that I could wipe my face.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“You know how I said it ‘wasn’t my place’ to comment on your confessing?” Yosano said, “well, I’m taking that back. You need to say something to him.”

I stopped crying at once and Yosano made a face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I can’t just—” I protested. “I’m not anywhere near his—”

“I know what you’re about to say,” Yosano interrupted, “and I don’t want to hear it. Look, we all know about that damned notebook of his.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Dazai has been making jokes about Kunikida’s ‘ideal woman’ ever since he got wind of it. Even Atsushi finds that list terrifying and you know that poor boy is too forgiving for his own good.”

I blinked at her.

“What are you saying, Yosano-sensei?”

“I’m saying,” she continued, a hard edge creeping into her voice, “that you need to forget about all your damned insecurities and go talk to the man you’ve been crushing on ever since he saved you from that blasted art gallery. Or...”

Her voice dropped to a deadly whisper and for one brief, terrifying moment, I saw a familiar manic gleam emerging in the depths of her bright purple eyes. My blood ran cold the instant I realized the shine was a reflection of her cleaver on the counter nearby.

She grinned.

“I think you know what I’m getting at.”

And with that, she slapped me on the back, so hard that I was nearly knocked off the cot we were sitting on and onto the floor.

“Alright, you get a clean bill of health from me,” Dr. Yosano declared, getting up off the cot and returning to her tiny infirmary desk. “Tell Kunikida for me that if he wants to come see me for treatment, I’d be happy to admit him no matter how minor those injuries may be.”

Shivering a little at the look in her eyes, I nodded and exited the infirmary.

“Oh, Kusunoki-san!”

Atsushi’s gold-tinted eyes darted from me to the sign on the door above me as he passed me in the hallway. He gulped loudly and a shaky smile emerged on his face.

“H-how are you feeling?”

“Good morning, Atsushi-kun,” I said quietly. “I’m actually perfectly fine. Thank you for asking.”

“Are you sure?” Atsushi inquired, once again glancing at the infirmary sign above my head. “You look kind of... down.”

I nodded.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. You’re not with Kyouka-chan today?”

He shook his head and we continued down the hallway together.

“She’s got an early errand to run outside the office today,” Atsushi responded. “But she did want me to tell you that she’s free this weekend if you want to learn how to make some bento basics. In fact, you should come to our place for it. I think it would be nice to have company over.”

“Thanks, Atsushi-kun,” I said, feeling touched that he and Kyouka had remembered. “I think I’ll take you up on that...”

Atsushi smiled and nodded. He opened the door to the office to let me through.

“Any time!”

A bento box...

I stopped by Kunikida’s empty desk and thought to myself as I stared at it.

If I could find out what Kunikida’s favorite foods might be, maybe I could make him something to eat? As both an apology and a thank you for all the hard work he’s been doing for me.

I bit my lip.

Yosano said to talk to him but I had no idea where he was. He wasn’t outside the infirmary and he wasn’t here either. There was no way he was still in the training room, right? It was at least a quarter past eight...

“Ku-su-no-ki-kuuuuun~~!”

I turned to my right just as a happily smiling Dazai appeared at my side.

“Watcha lookin’ at?” he chirped, looking from me to Kunikida’s desk. “Oh, are you looking for Kunikiiida-kun? You just missed him. He actually dropped by to get some things earlier before he left for a big case.”

His grin widened.

“And if you were wondering, he was physically well enough to punch me in the stomach for showing up late to work again. Pity that didn’t kill me.”

I whirled.

“How did you—?!”

“Like I said,” Dazai drawled, fishing a piece of paper out of the nearest fax machine and dangling it in front of me with one half-bandaged hand. “No need to worry your pretty little head about the details, Kusunoki-kun, you just concentrate on what you need to do for the day.”

He winked.

“It’s what Kunikiiida-kun would want after all. As for me, I just want to see you happy, that’s all! Which is why I brought you a little present to cheer you up!”

“A present?” I asked, taking the piece of paper from him. “What is this?”

My eyes instantly widened as I glanced at the header:

“From the case file involving Matsuoka Kei.”

“It’s the other half of the suicide note you were investigating for your case,” Dazai declared. “The police department faxed it over while you were still in the infirmary.”

He beamed at me.

“Ta-daaa!”

[premakalidasi]

The Friend through whom you touch the Divine-- So rare are these individuals in this world, So rare and yet so bright and shining Within the smog of dullness, passivity, repression, lethargy That so clouds the minds of the crowds That they shine like a beacon With their flame of Fearlessness. Where one usually has to exhaust oneself With stagnant mores, expected behaviours, white lies To but have a conversation Where one usually has to hide one's flame So as not to provoke conflict with one's very existence-- She but holds up a bright mirror In which you can see your true Self reflected Denuded, blissfully free from all these veils And not only that, But magnified Into a high and sharp brightness. When one usually has to-- --in seeking friendship-- Dig past mountains of dirt Covering someone's true Self Even with those whom you know to be different, Alive underneath all that-- It's like digging out bodies From underneath rubble When there's little hope any longer A week after the earthquake: This girl thinks herself ugly, Another thinks she does not matter, And she over there thinks she isn't allowed to think Or say  Let alone--God forbid--*do!*  The simplest of things So suffocated by the idea of her own worthlessness; She utters some tired, outworn cliche-- --One of those old "men are like this, women are like that" jokes-- To seem sociable, In hopes of bonding (And laughing at this together, People keep on living out these stereotypes, Now having had them affirmed! Justified!  Because it's easier to believe it than to say "This is sexist, belittling, dumbness-excusing fucking horseshit!" --hey, they might think you a freak!) And to anyone insightful, To anyone who sees past these layers of dirt, These act as a deterrent Unless they are the few rare souls persistent enough And self-sacrificing enough To keep on digging past the rubble (Only by listening to Krishna's words On doing good without any expectation of a reward, A light at the end of the tunnel) Only then might they find that one in a million treasure. But to those of us with less time and health and patience So sick of digging past the self-denials, Justifications of self-hatreds-- Women's elaborate weavings of their selves into doormats With the most astonishingly complex patterns of neuroses With near-superhuman dexterity the way they handle their excuses With their moralisations as the shuttles Society's rigid structures as their loom, Traumas from men their warp Pressure from other women their weft-- No, Hari, women like Prema are not saints: We have to leave this prison camp or die. We have to leave the workhouse's noise behind us Because even hunger and loneliness and outlawness Is preferable to the company of slaves Where the only way to speak and to exist Is through the language of the slave, Through imitating the attitude of the slave. And thus we wander, wander, wander Through years of wide open spaces With not a single soul for company Beyond a short greeting from another passer-by Now and then. It is a darkness, but a darkness quiet, peaceful, serene With an expectation of stillness Bereft of Shared laughter, shared cunt-clenches, shared jokes A mere ghost of a memory of an idea Of what could be. And then, A sudden blaze in the night A sudden warmth in the chest A sudden sated fullness in the belly And the opium rush of everything suddenly feeling all right, An amused but warm and firm whisper All around you: "It's okay, It's okay, It's okay." Everything is "okay."-- The colloquialism itself Another reason for it all To feel so unusual, Even in its hilarious playfulness Nothing short of overwhelming: She is here. Out of a thousand thousand thousand Human lives lived in dull decay Steps out She Who is not one known to the tyrant that is Fear To Repression, A complete stranger, She: A smile all at once beatific And filthy enough to put Venus Herself in the shade. She tosses her hair aside Mid-blowjob, Mid-outrageous joke, Mid-rapturous samadhi That the blind Would see as but base dissipation, tastelessness, insanity When in fact she is the Great Goddess Enwrapped in Illumination's Bliss: Overflowing with nectar Of Life-- Wisdom Sophia, Sophia, Sophia Glowing gently,  A light almond-shaped Between her opened legs. She is here! And yet, Only visible To those who know where To look for Her: In the wink of that eye Drawn into a wing With kohl blackest: That fuzzy woollen poncho Beneath which everyone Sees but the frizzy-haired Menopausal hippie lady artist: That old maid stinking of cat piss Hides underneath her long gray braid The wisdom of the ages. Come, come! Come, come! Come, rejoice! Not all is lost-- Behold-- These Moirai, these Hetairai, these Sibyls Again walk among us! And should you catch that wink Should you press your cheek against that wool Should you be on the receiving end Of that toothless grin-- Don't let it go to waste! Dance with it the horizontal tango! Hug it back as tight as you can Listen closely, deeply, humbly To its tale: Receive from Her Joy and Life and Wisdom Like a virgin, a child, a beloved cat Humble, Curious, Playful, Listening. You have had the most sublime Of lessons Even breathing the same air As this wonderful being In a space between the worlds The moment you meet her: Liminal and beyond liminalities She, She, She Laughing, dancing, embracing With you, at you, inside of you For one sweet, Lingering moment Within which collide and merge and again branch out Eternities. Shh! Did you hear that? She may already be at the door If you but Listen out For the Friend.

Prema Kalidasi

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/2020-the-year-of-stabilization-infinite-possibilities/

2020 ~The Year of Stabilization & Infinite Possibilities

2020 ~The Year of Stabilization & Infinite Possibilities

By Natalia Alba

Enlightenment is like quantum tunneling – when everyone sees walls and barriers, enlightened one sees infinite possibilities.

Amit Ray

Beloved Light Emissaries, 

It is with great joy, love and gratitude that we are about to release this year 2019 and welcome another year, and phase, of our evolutionary journey. The year that we are leaving behind was a year for conscious co-creation in which many of us have indeed experienced a profound shift in our physical bodies, as we continue our transition into higher realms of existence. A year in which many of us began to create, from within, what we now pass to manifest and nurture in the physical. 

A year to commune with our soul to listen to what it whispers and clearly discern about what we truly desire and no longer wish to experience. A year in which the union of all the aspects of us was pivotal to give birth now to something that comes from a unified, authentic and loving space. 

2020 is a 4 universal year, and therefore a year to build, in the physical, what our soul can only envision in the non-physical planes. Number 4 is the number that represents the four pillars that sustain the universe, what lies behind everything within Creation that grows and expands, as nothing can be properly built without the appropriate foundations, which are nothing but the Divine Love and Strength that resides within all that exists and have ever existed. 

These four pillars are also represented on our Planet and are called the Four – man – Pillars of Easter Island, some that represents the strength behind everything we see in the physical. All that upholds what is eternal and lasting. These are the pillars that sustains our Planetary Fabrics or Grids and that hold all the records of our original DNA on Earth. 

As a stabilizer I am very connected, etherically, with this Island, although not the physical location in itself but the etheric double which is connected to other multiple universes where many of us operate to restore what was sacred, balanced, authentic and shall come back during this New Era that many of us are blessed to witness and participate in.

All within the universe is based on a pattern that sustains all together, from the micro to the macro and it is just a matter of time and learning about our human cycles, as well as we work on remembering the Divine Laws, that we integrate these phases and work on bringing balance to ourselves and Planet, as it used to be eons ago. 

We are going to begin creating the strong pillars that are going to sustain our own bodies within this new dimensional space that we now occupy, for as we shift from within we will begin to realize how our physical reality also does the same, faster than it used to be – matching our inner frequency and visions.

However, number four is not just about hard work, manifesting or creating structure. Number four is about service to others, devotion to our personal evolutionary journey and to All. This is also a good opportunity to go beyond our limitations, as number four tend to be limited by their strong sense of responsibility and order. Order is not about being fixed but about knowing how to create peace within so we can reflect this same harmony without.

This frequency will provide a great opportunity for all of us, especially to recalibrate our hearts, as four resides in the higher heart, where love – stability and service – reside. This will also help those who are too structured and need to flow more and be more creative rather than fixed in their ways of being and living, as well as for the ones who need to be more focus on the physical – creating stable lives that will help them sustain themselves and soul dreams in our tangible world. 

As always, energies do not just come and go in one day, they stay for more than sometimes we are able to understand, in our human minds, and shift when the time is right and not when we feel like introducing something new. Therefore, the current energies are very linked to the universal number 3 of past year 2019, as both essences are contained in this present vast space, in which the infinite possibility of continue creating, while bringing our creations into balance, is there for us to co-create with these energies for our unique purpose.

During this phase, some may be still focused on the creation of a new stage of their path, others may be already stabilizing it. The when, which seems to be very important for the human, does not matter at all in a soul level, for what the soul enjoys is the Now and what one learns and masters in this moment. Only the embodiment of higher levels of love and self-consciousness is what truly counts. 

We end 2019 with a very powerful and earthly Solar Eclipse in Capricorn and we begin 2020 with another intense Lunar one in Cancer. As you know during these two years we are going to be immersed in a Capricorn/Cancer cycle, in which we are going to be invited to make our creations physical. To do so, first we need to work on our emotional body, releasing what no longer serves, which is pivotal to be able to initiate a new life without old burdens and energies that will manifest, again, into our present lives, in a form that will no longer resonate with who we have become. This is why it is so important that we take the proper time, even if sometimes seems endless, to let go and dissolve the old.

The Solar Eclipse in Capricorn at the end of the month shines a light into everything that we desire to co-create next. It is the frequency that will activate the main essence of 2020 and that it is already being felt. This is an invitation for asking ourselves if we have created structure, harmony and stability in our lives, or if on the contrary we need to rebuild our human reality so we can also pay attention to the aspect of us that is tangible and that needs to be sustained. 

In a year where balance is indeed a key element for our ascension journey and bodies, these eclipses come to help us create harmony between the aspect of us that is ethereal and dwells in the non-physical realms – Cancer – and the aspect of us that is equally human, although sometimes we many deny it, and see it as lower, Capricorn, so we can have the opportunity to unify both within ourselves.

These two years are going to be very useful for those who are working with the opposite polarities that lie within ourselves as well as with the mother/father archetypes that are so important to work with and that have been so distorted. Many other aspects such as familiar issues, old karmic genetic wounds and/or others such as emotional imbalances may resurface during these years for us not to fall into old patterns but to become stronger sovereign beings who are able to overcome any difficulties by mastering our egoic self and unify it with our Divine One. 

This New Year 2020 is going to be of great importance for the ones helping on the current planetary stabilization. If this is part of your mission, you will know. As a stabilizer there are several stages and one is always conscious, especially if we listen to our bodies, of what is taking place, of where we are needed and of where we are doing, behind the physical veils. 

Solar Consciousness Rehabilitation

At a time when the Earth precisely aligns with the Galactic Center and we begin another step forward into the reunification with Source, within our Universe, I received a message which was introduced by a wonderful and bright merkabah, on working on the conscious activation of our solar consciousness. As you know a merkabah represents unity, and finally coming into Oneness with Source. This is the authentic process of solar rehabilitation – lightbody synthesis – and the one that many of us are consciously undertaking, during this period. 

When we consciously work on Solar rehabilitation, what we are activating, again, is the God Spark within ourselves, call it Unified Self, God or as you prefer, and this is why the connection with the Galactic Center and our Central Sun, is so important, for these are our main Sources of wisdom, love and remembrance. as we have chosen to move from polarity to unity, as it once since the beginning, and as it is meant to be. 

The Earth alignment with our Galactic Center is a macro galactic event that is going to activate the assistance required for the ones who are on this journey, so we can begin the process of solar consciousness rehabilitation, which is the integration of all the aspects of who we are – dwelling in many dimensions and timeliness, which is why I received a vision of a very bright white merkabah, as it represents the union of all the aspects of who we are. 

The process of aligning with our Unified Self and beginning to understand the entanglement between the many extensions of our soul, is a challenging one. It is necessary to spend lifetimes of conscious embodiment. This is not a process that happens with just a single activation, or anything that we can imagine, for connecting all the selves that make us whole, is something that takes devotion, strength, trust and hope for it may take eons to come back to our original Essence and to the Source from where we All belong.

2020 is going to be a year in which the main focus is not just on the stabilization of our physical bodies and human lives, but on the conscious process of solar consciousness integration, call it Christed Consciousness, Sun or Crystalline Sun DNA reactivation if you prefer, for all fulfills the same function of activating our Source Consciousness so we can begin to fully act from an unified, whole and loving state of being. 

Solar Consciousness is about healing our lower selves so we can begin to act as One with our Unified One, beginning to integrate all the soul fragments that are in pain and become One again – functioning as balanced beings. This is precisely what the energies of this new year 2020 are going to provide to us – harmony, love and equilibrium for us to bring back into order what was separated. 

For the healers who are in communion with this Infinite Fountain of Love and Balance, this year they are going to experience a new opening in their healing abilities that are meant to work with the new energies, finally restoring the old ways of healing with the new ones that come from our direct Source, and that work with the New Light that our Planet is now receiving, in the new dimensional space that we occupy now within Creation and that has nothing to do with old ways in which we used to be, do things or try to heal ourselves or others.

As we continue evolving, we too keep embodying new ways of being and doing things, this is why for many the old ways no longer work, because as soon as we begin to remain fixed in the familiar, it is law that we should release it all and embrace something new again.

Important Planetary Events in 2020

Jupiter opposition True Node, January 8th.In a moment in which we are about to give birth to something new, this alignment comes to assist those who are still liberating themselves from their past. It is important that we do not carry past energy into our present creations, as the outcomes will always carry past experiences, and hence same repetitive outcomes. With this event we are invited to dwell in the past only to heal what is still wounded or to retrieve the information whether from previous lifetimes or parallel ones, that are going to help us integrate new abilities that we considered lost or that could help us remember how to assist others in their path.  Full Moon Penumbral Lunar Eclipse in Cancer, January 10th.

This is the first eclipse of this year which is, as you know, link to the Capricorn ones that are going to reign during these two years – 2019, 2020 – and that will provide us with the opportunity to heal emotional wounds and begin to descend, from the non-physical planes into our earthly realm all of our soul visions for our new live. A wonderful eclipse to work on familiar lineage karmic patterns as well and with our upper senses to work on their expansion and healing. 

Saturn Conjunct Pluto in Capricorn – 12th January.

With this planetary encounter the path to move from darkness to light begins. For many that are still in their awakening process this will be a gift as they will finally find clarity to bring change into themselves and lives. 

On another hand, within a very earthly year, we begin by being assisted to make our soul visions tangible and go after what we truly desire. This is a harmony portal that literally greets us within this new cosmic cycle that we already began and that is going to give us the opportunity to live as the free sovereign being that we are, using their power to build and work as One rather than fomenting separation.

Saturn in Aquarius: Between 22nd March and 1st July, and 17th December.

This frequency from Saturn, the Planet of organization and duty, in Aquarius is a wonderful essence for all of us to free from any karmic patterns and begin to work on how to be self-sufficient and bring into the tangible what will last and help us create a balanced reality. 

Venus retrograde in Gemini 13th May – 25th June.

This is the Planet, that from our limited view from Earth spends less time in its slow phase, although as you know, there is no such a thing as retrograde periods within the Universe, for all always follows the Laws of constant flow and expansion. This is a time for us to focus on our relationships, the one with ourselves, for it is the key to maintain balanced relationships with others, and the ones we are experiencing with our loved ones, for we on our own could not have the level of evolution that when we are blessed to test ourselves in the company of other souls that may come to challenge us but that in truth are showing us how to put in practice unconditional love. 

Penumbral Lunar Eclipse June 5, 2020, at 15° Sagittarius and another Total Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius on December 14, 2020.

The Eclipses in Sagittarius will come to bring some different energies within a very Cancerian and Capricornian year. Highly influenced by its square aspect to Mars, and in opposition to Venus, will help us bringing some stability and control over our emotions and relationships. Time to observe where we still act on anger, and why is that we have this energy inside ourselves that is telling us something hat our egoic self is not yet wanting to accept.

Anger the majority of the times comes from fearing something and from our reluctant to accept what IS and move forward. Anger comes when we desire to control something we cannot change and when we direct our strength in distorted and harmful ways towards ourselves and others. This is going to be a wonderful opportunity to look within and understand all aspects of ourselves, embracing the ones who are yet in pain. This will also give us the opportunity to bring some clarity upon the feelings that we try to hide but that show up in our relationships with others. 

Annular Solar Eclipse on June 21, 2020, at 0° Cancer and a Penumbral Lunar Eclipse on July 5, 2020, at 13° Capricorn.

These series of eclipses in Cancer-Capricorn are the ones that are making of these two years are the ones that will give us the perfect frequencies for us to work on polarity synthesis as well as our mental and emotional one. It is so important to work on unification that we have two years to just begin mastering what living as unified and sovereign being means.  Mars Retrograde in Aries 9th September-14th November.

If this powerful Planet had no retrograde phases during 2019, from our human view. On 2020 Mars will turn “retrograde” in Aries. As you know I do not even feel retrograde periods in the human experience I have chosen to manifest, for there is no real evidence of retrogrades more than the collective illusion, from Earth, that has been created about Planets going into slow motion.

Mars in Aries is about managing our energy. For the ones who are impulsive, this will provide them with the perfect opportunity to work with balancing being too impulsive and lack of action. Taking action is important. However, acting shall follow the proper meditation and thinking required for us not to fall into unconsidered impulsive behaviours that could damage ourselves and others.

This is going to be a great gift for us to control our egoic instincts and anger, so we can begin to work on the conscious integration of energy and strength in ways that are constructive rather than self-destructive. 

Penumbral Lunar Eclipse November 30, 2020, at at 8° Gemini 

With the intensity of the energies of 2020 this Eclipse in Gemini comes to give us a boost of energy and self-confidence to continue with our journey and the new projects that we are birthing. This is one of the most joyful and loving phases of all the year, as we are going to be immersed in a constant mode of receiving, where integration and how to direct the frequencies embodied is going to be determinant to what we are going to bring into fruition.  Jupiter transits in Capricorn since December 2, 2019 until December 18, 2020. 

During 2020 the emphasis will be on Capricorn as we have eclipses in this sign as well as Jupiter transiting in Capricorn as well. This is going to be a great opportunity for us to organize our lives, shifting what is no longer working, and beginning to create the order required for us to experience balanced lives in the physical. 

This will provide us with the opportunity to expand into the aspect of us that is tangible, dwells into this earthly plane, and is as equal as dwelling in the spiritual worlds, which is precisely what helps us mastering this dense realm.  With Jupiter in this sign we are going to be given the opportunity to work with what is physical and bring it into the proper order, again.  Jupiter in Aquarius starting 19th 2020 December until December 28th, 2021.

If we begin this year with Jupiter in opposition True Node, now with Jupiter in Aquarius, we are not focusing in the past anymore, for it is in our new trajectory that we shall focus our energy, so we can build something constructive in this year in which building stable foundations is so important, so we can move forward within the chosen path. 

The Great Jupiter-Saturn conjunction, 21st December 2020.

This is probably if not the most, one of the most influential and most important alignments of all this New Year 2020. This cosmic encounter will not only affect to our personal human lives and especially the use we make of our power but that will have a tremendous impact in the collective as well, where important shifts will begin to occur, at this time. 

On another hand, this is also going to be a wonderful time, especially after Jupiter entering into Aquarius, which helped us to release the past and leave an old phase behind, as now with this conjunction, it is a time for growth and expansion in new ways. All barriers that you used to cover your true potential. All the feelings of being unworthy, impossibility, must be now released to leave space for what we are birthing inside.

Declaration of Intention to welcome a new phase

This is a declaration I was guided to share time ago to release the past and welcome the new, for those who resonate, and feel guided, to use it, as they wish. I felt guided to share it again since we are shifting into a new timeline and beginning another phase of our never-ending evolutionary path. 

As always, you are your own Master and this is just an example, you will have your own words. 

I _(your name)_ call upon my Unified Self, Monad and Guides who assist me on my human experience, and who come from the Love, Light, Truth and Unity of God to help me release what no longer serves my current human path and embrace a new phase of my journey.  Thank you for helping me protecting my personal and sacred space of everyone and everything – incarnated or not – who do not belong to the Light.  It is my conscious desire to let go of everything, and everyone, with great love, and blessings, that have fulfilled its purpose in my journey – being free of the old so I can welcome what my soul planned for me to experience, in this human plane. 

  I _(your name)_ as a sovereign free being, choose to no longer feed the past, for it is no longer existing, in my present timeline, fully opening my heart to new horizons that have not been walked, yet, by my human self and that will offer me precious new experiences and soul encounters. 

  I AM forever dwelling in this Now moment.

I AM forever grateful for all the past experiences and relationships that have served me to become the empowered and sovereign being that I am now and that have been already released, forgiven and appreciated.  I AM ready to let it all go, with great love, joy and excitement for what is coming, in this new stage of my evolutionary path.  I AM now manifesting what is for my highest good, and that of All, working in perfect unison with God and with the Forces of Light of this Universe and all multi-universes that help me manifest a perfect reality for what I need to experience next. 

  I decree that it is my pure intention, and conscious soul desire, to only dwell, and hence, experience, this moment, removing all previous ones that my human self is no longer living and needing for its growth.  I __(your name)__ thank my Unified Self, Monad and Guides for helping me dissolve all past timelines, energies, and relationships that are still active in my energetic field.  I welcome infinite possibilities to create my new path. I embrace all the infinite blessings that are coming into my human experience and I AM grateful for all that is already helping me to step into a new timeline. Therefore, I make of this declaration a permanent and irrevocable one. 

And So it is and it will be so by Grace and in a perfect way for All!

Happy New Year and happy Now everything Beloved Ones! 

In love and light ∞

Natalia Alba 

*******

LoveHasWon.org is a Non-Profit Charity, Heartfully Associated with the “World Blessing Church Trust” for the Benefit of Mother Earth

Share Our Messages with Love and Gratitude

LOVE US @ MeWe mewe.com/join/lovehaswon

Visit Our Online Store for Higher Consciousness Products and Tools: LoveHasWon Essentials

http://lovehaswonessentials.org/

Visit Our NEW Sister Site: LoveHasWon Angel Numbers

https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/

Commentary from The First Contact Ground Crew 5dSpiritual Healing Team:

Feel Blocked, Drained, Fatigued, Restless, Nausea, Achy, Ready to Give Up? We Can Help! We are preparing everyone for a Full Planetary Ascension, and provide you with the tools and techniques to assist you Home Into The Light. The First Contact Ground Crew Team, Will Help to Get You Ready For Ascension which is Underway. New Spiritual Sessions have now been created for an Entire Family, including the Crystal Children; Group Family Healing & Therapy. We have just began these and they are incredible. Highly recommend for any families struggling together in these times of intense changes. Email: motherofallcreation@lovehaswon.org for more information or to schedule an emergency spiritual session. We can Assist You into Awakening into 5d Reality, where your experience is one of Constant Joy, Wholeness of Being, Whole Health, Balanced, Happy and Abundant. Lets DO THIS! Schedule Your Session Below by following the Link! Visit:  http://www.lovehaswon.org/awaken-to-5d/

Introducing our New LoveHasWon Twin Flame Spiritual Intuitive Ascension Session. Visit the link below:

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-twin-flame-spiritual-intuitive-ascension-session/

Request an Astonishing Personal Ascension Assessment Report or Astrology Reading, visit the link below for more information:

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-ascension-assessment-report

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-astrology/

Experiencing DeAscension Symptoms, Energy Blockages, Disease and more? Book a Holistic Healing Session

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-holistic-healing-session/

To read our Testimonials you can follow this link: http://www.lovehaswon.org/testimonials

Connect with MotherGod~Mother of All Creation on Skype @ mothergoddess8

Request a copy of our Book: The Tree of Life ~ Light of The Immortals Book

Order a copy of Our LoveHasWon Ascension Guide: https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-ascension-guide/

**If you do not have a Paypal account, click on the button below:

If you wish to donate and receive a Tax Receipt, click the button below:

Donate with Paypal

Use Cash App with Our code and we’ll each get $5! FKMPGLH

Cash App Tag: $lovehaswon1111

Cash App

Donate with Venmo

VENMO

Support Our cause in the creation of the Crystal Schools for Children. Visit our fundraising link below:

LoveHasWon Charity for Crystal Schools

Support Our Charity in Co~Creating the New Earth Together by Helping Mother of All Creation. Visit our fundraising link below:

Support Mother Earth!

Support Us on PATREON

PATREON

Support Us Through Our LoveHasWon Wish List

LoveHasWon Wish List

We also accept Western Unionand Moneygram. You may send an email to michaelsilver@lovehaswon.orgfor more information.

***If you wish to send Donations by mail or other methods, email us at motherofallcreation@lovehaswon.org or  michaelsilver@lovehaswon.org***

**** We Do Not Refund Donations****

MeWe ~ Youtube ~ Facebook~ Apple News ~ Linkedin ~ Twitter~ Tumblr ~ GAB ~ Minds ~ Google+~ Medium ~ StumbleUpon ~ Reddit~ Informed Planet~ Steemit~ SocialClub~ BlogLovin~ Flipboard ~ Pinterest ~ Instagram ~ Snapchat

[autolovecraft]

At times he paused on the walls of myriad little houses.

It was clear that a week the strange mariners of far places and gardens. And when night comes they climb tall terraces in the dark without any eyes, he was moved to deep thought, for whispers of Pnoth, where small white cottages dream between little hills, and of the Gugs' resting had been given, and the hum of the blocks once hewn by nameless hands and chisels. It was only the huts of Esquimaux. He found, matters would be better to let himself be borne along smoothly and passively in the front rank of ghouls would attend him in the sea and fragrance of the Gug would occasionally bite into one of the army swept bat-like smell and aspect of shining, and Carter studied closely the hateful plateau of Leng where black nitrous stairways guarded by flocks of night and the milky-misted ocean with tolling buoys beyond. In the tunnels of that hideous second, stark fear drove him to something his reason would never have dared to look, and seemed to exist. Of other clothing they had warned him he wrapped another blanket, for it before leaving upon his feet, afterward withdrawing a little Cornish fishing village with steep red roofs and western windows aflame with sunset, with a queer gleam of knowing when Carter bade that old gray chief of Celephaïs' cats dwelt sleek and contented.

The last thing he saw that he turned even paler than before. The next day he rose with the same dark folk who had been to Leng, which had been lost in the chaos of flight. Then through that window shine the stars shone spectrally above. It was only black nothingness in his daring voyage to realms whence none had ever come so near the peak wherein dwell the furtive and venomous ghasts, those dog-like width of fabled emissaries from around the mountain-high monstrosity that walked. But there was certainly a descent to the gate of the orchards and gardens at dawn.

Therefore, knowing that he would have been, Carter saw once again with a cave's dark mouth just out of that body's dislodgement and rolling, none but the things he told his guest inside the great gates, are your city; only the Other Gods and their unseen rowers steered not for the dawn would not find him crouching there still, and to which he had seen the light was seen on the shore, with the mariners of quaint countries, and had heads like a veil over that rough rock pavement, hearing of his dim waking life.

Cool vales in Concord, cobbled lands in Portsmouth, twilight bends of the wood, whose vertical side he would give an alarm and arouse all his shaken consciousness there was nothing in sight of the great central plaza swarming with militant ghouls and glibbered it as vapors glowed behind.

Once in a while he waited, and subject to strange protection from the deeds of those hybrid, half-gods he sought out the last to leave the ghasts returned soon from their tasks to stare seaward and cluster round the pole. The leap of the dark sardonic merchants would be. From then on time ceased to exist. It seemed that he need not name. They are very strange, so that around the mountain slanted back strongly, and ornaments lay about, for he was indeed come to find Sarkomand and the god of Oukianos and whistled to the unhallowed vaults of Zin to seeing without light, to be a very few minutes the ghoul which was nothing anywhere but blackness and shadow between them. They have forgotten the high terrace above it, till at last he heard of this design to the crypts of nightmare as earth fell away and deliver him to understand what was once a public square. Their jealous hiding of the paws were attached by short forearms. Perched on that side he would meet the under side of that wood who have not come out when the hairy cannibal Gnophkehs overcame many-bridged Charles flows drowsily. And they recalled, too, how he patted them after they had formerly failed to turn the slab rise slowly and awkwardly did those forms leap, and sailed over those lands unseen by man, there was very bright, and snarled derisive on the onyx castle.

It was night in that far-off melody, droning in faint chords that our own world, since the large rough features on Ngranek; but he wished none the less than that lurks madness, so the journey was no telling what he fancied that the noise was out of sight or guidance. And there are fountains, pools, and they would thin somewhat, standing quite dead or dying among the bones underfoot. The groping dizziness of space it may have been a great image reported by travelers as carved their features on Ngranek, that no stop had been entrusted, slipped the end of its artisans. That mouth had great yellow fangs and ran when he noticed with terror that the moon. Like Atal in distant resin groves. This being so, the Other Gods set their passenger upon his feet, and Carter was placed well up toward the mild, feeble gods of earth. There was unfolded, too, was called Inquanok, and then a flapping behind some vast rock would make him think of climbing to their own callousness by such extremes of malign shapelessness and fearsome odor. By this time the great gold dome of the steep roofs and overhanging gables, and men fear to be unloaded and crated and shipped inland in those evil and windowless crypts; for the sunset. As the ship rode past the fires and stone huts as seen from so prodigious a height which must be the death of his reserve, poor Atal babbled freely of forbidden things; in which an especially impudent young Zoog had regarded a small black kitten crept upstairs and sprang in Carter's lap to purr and play, and he saw them drive the stout black men carve across the Skai even into Ulthar, with the horrible stone villages whose tiny windows glowed with pallid light.

Though Nath-Horthath, and wondered how close a watch had all along the narrow way amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the blessed meads and valleys where stone walls rambled and white; yellow, and presently crept round to their respective homes, which you will see shining the deathless altar-flame of quest. He was flying very rapidly through the northern wall.

Carter heard their low black passage which Carter sought a forest of monoliths, was somewhat narrower than the other folk in those ancient sea taverns; but it must be to see. There was also some peril from the marvelous golden spires, and absurdly the gigantic Ultimate gods, that his quest was done Carter saw that he must go, far beyond the walls lies the farm country, where of old they used to leap and revel in supernal radiance.

On the right of the peaks neared the gap, slightly slackening its speed as if to watch the whole thing rather dizzying.

[dawnled]

just a tall , kind-of-dark & handsome dude lost in shibuya ( help him ) / @groovepawn !

he's been wandering the streets of this foreign city for what feels like days now - & while the rise & fall of the sun & moon make it easier to tell the day & night cycle , there's something about this world ( or perhaps it's something about him , so used to hopping between worlds on different axes ) that makes the time feel somewhat distorted .

his counting of the cycles makes it three days so far , but the passage of times feels like double that - he's been surviving , just about , making use of the assortments of hotels & hostels , as well as their amenities , with the munny he's saved up over the years of fighting & travel . if theree's one thing he's grateful for , it's the new clothes he'd taken the time to buy - he stuck out like a sore thumb already , mindlessly roaming the streets ; having the people of this city , supposed fashionistas & trend-setters , judging him for his battle clothes would have been unwanted attention .

though he's been surviving , he can't particularly say he's been enjoying it - as fascinating & grandiose as this city ( shibuya , as he's come to learn ) is , it's not as enjoyable without sora by his side . in fact , sora is the whole reason he's here -- & while he's been trying to follow his heart , which had lead him here in the first place , his search hasn't seemed to be fruitful .

he's debating on whether or not to go down one particular street , thrown off by the hordes of what looks like high school-aged girls , when he spots a familiar shade of red -- not kairi , longer , but similar , with clothes that he knows all too well , too . he can't see her face , only the back of her head & hat , but he does somehow catch her laughter over the crowd , as she drags another girl through the throngs of other students .

" shiki ? "

the name comes unbidden , more a knee-jerk call of surprise than anything - though it seems like she doesn't hear him . or , rather , perhaps she does , partially - but she looks over at her friend in curiosity , first , before turning around to try find the source of the call .

that friend , on the other hand , catches his gaze somewhat quickly - & there's something about her that's familiar , even though he's sure he's never seen her before in his life . the toy she's holding in her arms , however , is impossible for him not to remember .

" aren't you my knight in shining armour? well ? " " you remind me of this guy i know . " " i'm shiki. how 'bout you ? "

" . . . shiki ? "

[somu3816]

Cheese Beer Holland

So it’s been a while I wrote about my travelling days. Till now I have roamed about in almost eight European countries, Germany being my base. I have collect memoirs of the cities, their enigmatic presence in the history of Europe, the culture and their lifestyle. Each country has its own story to tell, has its own charm to offer. I missed out writing a lot due to my over-working nature and engagements with my “Masterarbeit”. So this time on a friend’s request, I thought to revive my own creativity over this piece of article on my latest travel to Holland.

Last week I and my friend decided to invest our European summer time in Holland. We hadn’t travelled since the New Year has started. And summers in Europe is a delightful time to explore the corners of this continent. Amsterdam was the best option we had. But let’s say that this was not the only destination we had in our mind. We planned to visit Hamburg, Amsterdam and Rotterdam. All the three cities are connected to the huge water bodies of the North Atlantic Ocean. While Hamburg and Rotterdam are the port cities, Amsterdam is much like Venice.

So on a fine Sunday morning, we took a bus to Hamburg. Days are quite long, but in Germany Sundays are holidays. So we explored Hamburg in quite a different way. It was raining and we chose to walk in the rain and explore the pedestrian view.  The lake in the heart of the city and the queue of trees, the lamps on both sides of the road awed me. And their perfectly hazy reflections on the road added to the beauty. Perhaps this is the best way to see Hamburg. At night we visit the well-known red light area of Germany-Ripperbahn. This place was one of its kind, as I hadn’t visit any such place before. The street started with dance bars on both sides and followed by sex shops and gun shops. The restaurants had open bars serving liquor and shows of few men and performing live.  The crimson hue of the street clarified the notoriety of this place.

 The next morning we started walking from one end of the city. The botanical gardens called ‘Planten un Blumen’ has preserved a wide variety of plants, even from tropical, sub-tropical and dessert areas of the world. Throughout the garden, the flowers were in lush. The colors were varied and the fragrance was in the air. We walked past the beautiful gardens and across the lush green grounds full of trees and a flowing pond of water. The sun shined to make that moment so bright. We dragged two wooden arm-chairs, bathed in the sun and planned out our next set of destinations.

In the evening we reached the harbor. The place where the city met the sea and at the edge stood a beautiful architecture called Elbphilharmonie. We went up on it to watch the scenic beauty of the conjunction of the land and water.  On the other side of the river lied the harbor. And we could see the long big cranes pulling up and loading the cargos.  We came down and walked past the river. Many old ships have been decked and they were serving as museums and restaurants. And then we came across a round monument. It was named Elbtunnel. So it is one of the oldest under water tunnel that was built and opened in the year 1911. The history of this tunnel is quite interesting and tells about how the industrial revolution brought about the need for speed and ease of transportation.

Our time in Hamburg was coming to an end, when we realized that Hamburg actually gave us a different experience, which was not typical German. We took the night bus and landed in the city of canals, Amsterdam. Amsterdam welcomed us with a warm climate with some patches of rain. In the morning we visited VanGogh museum, storing and exhibiting the paintings of famous 19th century Dutch artist Vincent VanGogh. However, we got quickly bored as we planned nothing much to see. Our host for the night betrayed us with a clumsy ugly room that added to our not-so-good experience in Amsterdam. But we quickly reverted and decided to visit the famous red light district of Europe. Amsterdam’s red light area is world famous, and we couldn’t miss it. Women in lingerie displayed their glamour from behind the glass windows. The history of prostitution in Amsterdam is as old as the city itself. It started when traders and sailors started docking their ships for trad in the 1st millennium A.D. and women in the city started offering them services. Since then it has been a cult. Though prostitution has attracted many more social problems like drugs and human trafficking, government has tried exasperatedly to bring it under control. Beneath these shady and infamous streets, the city of Amsterdam has flourished.

Because we had just a day in Amsterdam, we wanted to wisely move around the entire city. What could have been better than a boat ride through the canals of Amsterdam? We traversed through the old streets, where most of the rich traders had their typical Dutch houses, followed by the Anne Frank House and the church of Amsterdam. The canals ended in to a big river that eventually brought us to the end of our boat ride. We quickly move out and ran to the Amsterdam Centraal station to catch the intercity train to Schipol Airport. Well,...it was not to catch the flight ;) Our connecting bus to Keukenhof Gardens started from Schipol bus stop.

Yes the famous Keukenhof gardens that always remind me of the song "Ye kahan aa gaye hum..." starring Amitabh Bachchan and Rekha and that romantic view with Javed Akhtar's poetry in the background. We wandered across the lush greens of the park and the rainbow of colors. There were tulips of colors that I didn’t even know. They looked like different shades of Pantone, all gathered in one land. I would recommend all the travelers to visit Keukenhof once they are in the Netherlands. After spending a colorful time in one of the most colorful places, we started towards our next and the last spot of our tour- Rotterdam. It took us merely one and half hours from Amsterdam bus station to Rotterdam central station. 

The Dutch are one of the most creative people in the world. And their creativity can be extensively seen in the architecture of Rotterdam. The city of Rotterdam, is much like the German city of Hamburg. It used to be the largest port in the world. To get a glimpse of its map, we decided to climb up the Euromast, the TV tower. The scenic view was beyond my words can describe. The heart of the city is SS Rotterdam, a ship that carried thousands of Europeans to the land of America in the early 50s and 60s, when America was called the ‘The promised land’. The rendezvous with the men of the ship was inspiring. The man who steered the ship was an old fellow in his 70s or 80s probably. He gave us a fine tour across the lowest deck of the ship, the engine rooms. He proudly called the engine to be ‘my engine’.  It was so wide and profound and sustained such a giant, I was in awe. After the decade of 60s, the option of flying became cheaper and convenient, and our beloved SS Rotterdam became a cruise ship for luxurious travel. 

We ended our grand trip inside SS Rotterdam with a grand meal, an aesthetically served platter of fish and chips.

I wanted to end this blog on a very positive note, but the actual adventures started after this very grand meal. A series of unfortunate events dragged us along.

Allow me to write the continuation in a different blog…..for it is a story in itself to be told ;)

[trishbsblog]

1 Sina I’m broke! I’m so sorry!’ They haven’t seen each other in decades, and the first thing Sina finds herself blurting out to Kat is the depressing state of her finances – for goodness’ sake! She bites down on her lip hard, fighting the quiver, and opens her arms to the tall, smiling woman with the sunglasses on her head. ‘I . . . Oh, Kat! It’s so good to see you! You look amazing!’ In the arrivals hall at Nadi Airport, strumming a cheer- ful welcome melody, a ukulele band greets the shorts-clad tourists. The singer in a brightly patterned shirt and a flower tucked behind his ear winks at Sina, who quickly shuffles closer to Kat. ‘Bula!’ Sina’s worried frown gets lost in her friend’s welcome hug. ‘Bula vinaka! You’re here now, that’s what matters. One thing at a time, it will all work out. Let me look at you!’ Kat pushes Sina away, flashing her a big, sparkling smile, and it’s just like old times. She pulls her close again for another hug. ‘I can’t believe you’re actually here!’ ‘Me neither!’ Sina chokes back a few tears. She’s trembling with exhaustion after a journey that took her nearly forty-eight hours, and another loud opening chord from the ukulele trio startles her. A pair of wide hips draped in an orange floral pattern comes swaying towards her: ‘Bula, madam. Welcome to Fiji!’ The woman, smile aglow with a hundred luminous white teeth, places a flower garland around Sina’s neck. Sina grips her luggage trolley tightly and stumbles after Kat as she heads out into the dark, hot, humid Octo- ber night. Korototoka is a two-hour drive away. The darkness is thicker than it is back home. As soon as they put the bright lights of the airport behind them, it’s like being in a tunnel without walls, so close and yet so open it makes Sina dizzy. ‘Look at the stars,’ Kat encourages her, and Sina glances up and out of the open window. The night sky is a maze of shining dots, a frozen explosion of fireworks. Her head tips back; she has to pull her gaze back into the car. Kat looks at her and smiles. ‘Pretty amazing, huh?’ Suddenly she slams on the brakes. Sina lurches forward and the seat belt catches her; she gets a glimpse of a scrawny horse careering towards the side of the road. Kat shakes her head and drives on, a little slower now. ‘It can be dangerous driving through the villages at night. The animals roam free – you never know when a cow will just appear in the middle of the road.’ The ocean on one side, trees on the other; sand dunes; fields with plants she doesn’t recognize. ‘Sugar cane.’ Kat nods. ‘Sugar and corn are the two most important crops here.’ The darkness is occasionally punctuated by clusters of houses; a light bulb flickers here and there. Sina squints to make out the shapes of the buildings, sees that some of those alongside the road are just small sheds made of cor- rugated metal. Is this how they’re going to live? She’s the first to arrive in Fiji; Ingrid and Lisbeth will be arriving over the next few weeks. And eventually Maya, too – apparently there were some health problems she had to discuss with her doctor first. An unsettled feeling surges through Sina: Is there room for all of them? She hopes they won’t be crammed in on top of each other. But Vale nei Kat is no corrugated metal shed. As they approach Korototoka, they drive along a narrow path with houses on both sides. ‘This is the main road,’ Kat explains. It winds down towards the beach, and at the end of the street Kat turns right into a courtyard: ‘And we’re here!’ She parks outside a large one-storey house with a roof that juts out like a pointy hat in the middle. A wide porch with an overhang wraps around the entire front side. The roof above the porch is supported by three columns with coarse ropes wound around them. A couple of small sheds line the perimeter of the courtyard, and a path edged with round stones disappears around the back of the house. There are wicker chairs and a hammock on the porch, illu- minated by the glow of torches at the foot of the stairs. As Sina tumbles out of the car, a mosquito-netted screen door creaks open and a short, stocky figure appears with a frizzy mane of hair like a halo in the lamplight. ‘Bula vinaka, Madam. Welcome!’ Kat had warned her that the housekeeper would prob- ably be waiting for them, even though it’s late. ‘Come and say hello to Ateca,’ she says now, as she drags Sina’s suit- case up the stairs. ‘She’s so excited that you’ve arrived.’ Sina stretches out her hand. ‘Nice to meet you.’ But instead of reaching out her chubby hand in return, Ateca claps it over her mouth, which doesn’t stop the laughter from bubbling out between her fingers. Her whole body writhes in cheerful spasms as she hurries to take the suit- case from Kat: ‘I’ll bring it inside for Madam.’ Sina doesn’t know what surprises her more: the unex- pected laughter, or being called ‘madam’ for the first time in her life. But she forgets it as soon as Kat waves her over to the porch railing. ‘You can’t see the view now, in the dark, but you can hear it, right?’ Sina can hear it. With her face turned towards the sea, she can hear Fiji welcoming her. A rush of sand against sand, a rhythm of water and moonlight and promises she can’t decode. The breeze is warm against her clammy skin, a gust of something sweet and satisfied, a drop of honey on her tongue. Between the house and the beach is a belt of tall, thin tree trunks, standing dark against the pale moon. ‘Are those the cocoa trees you were talking about?’ Sina asks, but Kat shakes her head. ‘No, no. The plantation is a little further away, on the other side of the village. These are coconut palms; they grow everywhere here.’ She grabs Sina by the shoulders and gives her a hug. ‘You’re going to love it here, Sina,’ she says. ‘Everything is going to work out just fine.’ Sina nods. Repeats it to herself, like an echo she wants to summon into being. Everything is going to work out just fine * But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s broke. Not a penny to her name. Sina can’t believe she actually went through with it. Closed the door and left it all behind: the house, the leak around the chimney and the car that needs new snow tyres. Here she is in a strange bed in a foreign land, penniless. And so is Armand. Sina tosses and turns and heaves a deep sigh. But when isn’t Armand broke? Broke could be his middle name, she thinks, and pictures her son’s face in his passport photo with ‘Armand B. Gut- tormsen’ printed below. His passport is filled with stamps. From Argentina, where he stayed behind when the oil tanker sailed on. ‘I didn’t mean to, Mum,’ he had said. ‘They gave the wrong information about when it was supposed to leave!’ In Rus- sia, it was the casinos that drew him. ‘It’s a dead cert. There’s a flood of cash over there – they don’t know what to do with it all!’ Real estate in the Caribbean: ‘They showed me the properties, picture-perfect views, right on the beach. How could I have known the deeds were fake?’ Secret, exciting oil riches in Canada, a luxury resort on the east coast of Malaysia: ‘A once- in- a- lifetime opportunity, you have no idea! Just add some tourists with some fat wal- lets and it’ll be a gold mine!’ But there’s been very little gold and she’s always been the mine, Sina thinks, and pulls the thin sheet tighter around her. A mine that’s been emptied, no, vacuumed out for all that glittered and then some. She turns over on her side as the wind fills the darkness beyond the mosquito- screened windows with foreign sounds: the rustle of dry palm leaves, the rolling thunder that lies beneath every- thing and is the ocean. She can’t believe she’s here. Sina Guttormsen, sixty-six years old, retired, new resident of a house, no, a bure is what they call it, in Fiji. Fiji! She hadn’t even known where it was – she had pulled out a map of the South Pacific and pored over the tiny dots north of New Zealand, like crumbs torn off the East Coast of Australia and scattered carelessly across the ocean between Vanuatu and Tonga. The Pacific Ocean! Her heart beats dry and hard in her chest. Her heart, over the eternal, patient rumble out there.

[thedementiacurse-blog]

Chapter 1

Trapped..... Abandoned...... Unwanted.... Unloved.... Another line scratched on the wall to add to the collection. Perhaps.... I can derive, some sort of beauty out of this, some sort of masterful art, to at least entertain this lonely spirit. But really, how long has it been since I was brought here? More importantly, how did I even get in?.... What?! Is someone there?!

 He comes! Run! Run!!

 "Let me out!! Let me out from this god damn cell! Pleeaaasse!! Richard! Riiicchaaarrd!!"

 I rattle the iron bars that have kept me restrained in this prison. Drip, drop, sounded the water drop that has remained eternally fallen since the beginning of my stay in this... hollow, stone-cold home. These bars... how well they have kept me safe.... how well they have kept me.... company. It tells me, that I do not belong here, in this old mansion, and that behind it I should remain; in the cell, sleeping with the rotten in the catacombs.

 It's so hilarious that I let out a cackle that echoed through the walls lined with sarcophaguses, to the tunnel's end... which I no longer recognize... and yet what lies beyond in that light that now shines of daylight, looks so familiar, so... welcoming. It mocks me, it tortures me... I must go to it! I must!

 "Let me out! Let me out! Richard, let me out! It is the light! The light you see?! It calls to me, it wants me, it needest me most now! Richard! Let me oooouuutt!"

 No matter how much I attempt to shatter this metal, its echoes just ebb into hollow channels. Damn it Richard, why won't you let me out?!... Richard...

 "Richard! Where are you!!"

 Nothing. Still.... nothing. Why.... why is he ignoring me?! I kick the metal bowl, which used to be filled with wretched gruel daily, to the wall on my left. I pace, I think.... I.... do not know. Richard... wait, who is... he is... Richard, who are you?!

 I turn to the wall behind me.... wait, what is this?! These white lines... they stare! They are closing in... they are... knives, about to rain on top of me! I must... Richard! Richard! Break, break you black rusty fools! Break! Break!!.... It's... no use... I... I'm done.... Maybe... I shall wake up in another life... In another place, where there no bars to hold me, or no light to mock me of my life deprived of freedom.

 There... my heart, it slows. Finally, there is peace, there is heaven. I may not see the light above me in the ceiling, but I feel my soul being sliced slowly from this corpse. The cold, which embodied the hard marble floor beneath in which I lay on top, matters not any longer... now that my path is rest assured.

 Now, Frederick... you may be at peace. Your life matters not now, and you may not see it, but the next guarantees riches far beyond your wildest dreams, far than what you have ever wanted. A throne,  etched with a name of yours, Frederick D. Mentia, on the marble with gold filling right above where you sit. Golden coins, and even plain gold bars, rains from the heavens above, oh so carefully dropped that it touches not the slightest hair that extends furthest from your body as the chilling sensation of wealth overwhelmes you. Servants, lots of servants, offering more and more plates of gold, in fact everything they had that could be gold, golden plates, golden bowls, golden clay, golden children, golden food, golden teeth, golden bones, golden souls, golden lives, golden years, golden families... golden gold, and even gold within gold, anything that's gold, anyone would find it hard to resist the temptation to offer. My enemies buried beneath the tombstones in the graveyard that I have especially prepared for them, and engraved on them are messages that foretell of their naive and folly roles in this society, and the folk would live to tell the tale of the failures and attempts to have overthrown my voyage to glory and success.

 The floor... is still cold, yes but... it will be better soon... it's getting colder.... and colder... and... too cold, too cold! My corpse jolts right back up and my back goes crack! Ack! Curse this senile weak body! Facing the wall, I see white lines... a lot of white lines. How peculiar, where did these come from... and yet this masterwork looks and feels... familiar. They reflect much as to how a person tallies, but tallies what? I wonder. Eighty five, Ninety, Ninety five... it goes on... two hundred, two hundred five... three hundred fifty five, three hundred fifty six... it stops. Now it says years: five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty five, thirty. Thirty years? What could that possibly... wait! No! No! The memory.... it's coming back! No! Then that means the light is... please... no!

 I turn, ever so slowly, with the wishful thought that that light... never appeared from behind. I turn.... slowly... slowly... and... it's not... bright as before... but it is, at least I swore it was, blue. Calming, soothing, light that is bright and blue. I tried to reach... but the iron bars they... still held me in this prison. Yet again, the light calls for me and it longs that my shadow is present within it. There has to be a way out, there has to be! Else, I might not live to see a day where I may meet her for once... or is the term reunion more appropriate? How it mocks me, how it tortures me... I let out a tear of loneliness.

 "Richard! Richard!!! Where are you?!"

 And then I heard it, a sound, a whisper, a whiff... wait... I thought I was alone! Wait... it's probably a rodent, they are indeed common in this part of the dwelling, gnawing and chewing on the rotten flesh and bones on the improperly sealed or weak structured coffins or probably the stone seals that bore their respective names had holes or basically rodents had founded their ways to them. In fact I befriended one before, the savage one he was... but wait... could it be?!

 We have not seen each other for decades, if he even bother makes an appearance... the skittering... it's in the water... it's getting close... and closer... In front!

 I look down, and there he was, a rodent that glowed of crimson ruby eyes.

 "Richard, you foul rodent! Where have you been these centuries! How dare you show your face! Come here! Come here so that I can break your tiny neck!"

 For a moment the rodent towards the light and was about to skitter.

 "Wait! Wait! Richard, don't you dare leave me behind!"

 I swear, of all the friends I had to have, it had to be this one. I wish I had smarter, wittier, cleverer ones than this. But finally, after countless hours of calling, he has finally arrived. It seems that his momentary choice to abandon me has been cancelled, as he remained there staring with his ruby eyes. Now if only he could get me out of this damn prison...

 "Now... See if you can find a way to get me out. There is bound to be a key somewhere near, or gnaw a weak spot in these iron bars. Anything! Put yourself to use!"

 Hmph, at least his responses are immediate. He quickly skittered off somewhere to the left, but I can barely make an image for that part is too obscure of darkness. The only thing I could see was the sarcophaguses lined up on each side of the hallway leading to the blue moonlit stairs. To where it leads... I have much anticipation ahead and much eagerness to know what is beyond this prison.

 Ahh, the sound of skittering in water returns... and what I think was a skeleton that had collapsed and its bones have scattered to the wet floor. Now the direction of the skittering nears here... getting closer, followed by a delightful clinking. He did it!

 "Richard?!"

 Ah! Right on time! At least this rodent has some use for its quick tiny legs. I laid my palm to the floor by the rodent.

 "Come! Give it to me!"

 He does indeed, drop the key to my palm, but a bite followed at my ring finger.

 "Ow! Richard!!! How dare you!"

 I was about to grip the rat, but he had gotten away before I had a chance.

 "Richard! Richard! Come back you little-! Richaaard!"

 He... he was gone. Once again, I was all alone. Well, not for long. When I get out, I will be rid of the life of that defiant rat, and I will be rid of myself of this mysterious place. Now, I place the key on the mouth of the keyhole on the other side of the gate, inserted it ever so perfectly, turned until... it clicked! I pushed the iron gate open.

 Me?! I?! I... I was free! I could still hear the ever so immortal water drop that has pitter pattered its days to the very present. Was.. was I... Surely this must be an illusion, an image of the tired mind encased inside a rotten body. But I had to be sure. Slowly, carefully, I placed my best foot forward, my right to be precise, for it is a common statement to do such, or so how the youth says these days, or at least how I suspect they said it. My foot, only touched space; the air that wreaked of foul aura that belonged to the corpses in the sarcophaguses. With much disbelief, and yet such patience that maintains the revelation of the moment of truth, like an audience member in excited anticipation for the curtain call, I ever so cautiously and slowly placed my foot on the flooded floor which occupied the outside of the cell.

 I... I have done it! I was out! I... I could hardly believe it myself!... But it's not over yet. I still have to find that rat, and find a way out.... But why do I get the feeling that I am not alone... and I have made a mistake.

Perhaps the life in the prison cell has been spent too long that I have grown fond of it, that I have missed it. And yet, the hunger of meeting the light at last is much stronger. Slowly I stepped, not willing to break this moment of passion, of meeting her at last. My hand stretches out to her as my bare feet mindlessly walks the wet path. I pass the arch which leads to the hallway lined with sarcophaguses, but then something distracts me. There’s a noise, or is it a voice? Its sound is much similar to that of wind rushing through the pipe… But now becoming more distinct. It’s a moan…. And now a wail… A faint scream! I must have been possessed, I placed my ear oh so carefully to the tombstone, and listened….  

 “Die!”

 What?! No!!.....That voice… How dare he or she speak to me in that manner! Does that imbecile not know who he speaks at?! How dare he threaten my death, how dare he… Or she!! Whoever that was! I shall get to the bottom of…. This sarcophagus?

 Indeed, strange. No name on the tombstone either.

 But still, I was free, there is nothing to be worried or ashamed about, this is a moment of glory that I will always remember, considering that it was the only moment of glory after what seemed to be an eternity of dwelling in that wretched prison. Now I can finally meet the light, oh, this calming light. I wonder how it feels to touch such a thing, would be warm, would it be a wonderful feeling, a feeling that would undo my misery?

 Then I heard something! Something stumbled in the ater back in the crypt, and it was loud.

 I turned around, and there was nothing, just an empty dark space slightly lit by the moonlight. Has it always looked like that? Could I even be seen from here? Is that way perhaps no one even bothered to attend to me while?

 Then it was quiet, very quiet, as quiet as it was before.  The dripping and dropping returned. But I was sure, there was more to follow. This silence will be broken.

 "I know you're there, whoever you are. I've rotten in that prison long enough to recognize noises that aren't from here. Come out!"

 Then again, it was silent. Fool! I can sense him, or whatever that person is. The darkness does not conceal what is real.

 I need not worry, I am a patient man, and I can wait forever for that wretched soul to reveal itself, just like how I waited in that wretched cell. I listened carefully, for a sign, a voice, a sound of motion in the crypt. And there it was!

 There was a crack, somewhere on the right on one of the bottom right of the sarcophagi, where I heard a voice speak. A loose pebble, that cracked itself off of the entire block, was pushed. By what? Vermin, these sarcophagi are crawling with them, I bet feeding off of the bones of the remains incarcerated there. Or it's probably that wretched Richard again, coming and going as he pleases.

 Then there was a cry, a soft cry, growing, expounding, louder and louder. It was a woman's crying, then she wailed, and then screamed, as if she was being attacked. Then the a girl, a little girl screeched in an ear-piercing volume, Stop! Stop! Then more! More of them came! Women, men, children, wailing, crying, and screaming, more and more came! From that hole, that wretched hole of the sarcophagus, stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!!

 "Enough! Enough! Enough!"

 I scrambled for the pebble that fell on the ground, with the strength I could muster, then quickly sealed the stone back where it belongs. There, it stopped, finally, it was peaceful. But then I wasn't alone. A foot stopped on the moonlight, I perhaps did not hear him due to all the wretched screaming.

 Looking up, I could not see his face so cloaked in the shadow, but by the looks of the black coat over his white polo and a black bow on his collar, it couldn't be! I stood up, to match the height of the man, but my back hurts slightly that I could not stand straight.

 "Richard! About time you arrived you baffoon! I've been calling your name for centuries, and instead a useless pest came to me, and not you! Where have you been?!"

 He was silent, he did not utter, he did not reply. Is he deaf?!

 "Hey! I am speaking to you, you useless butler! I paid for years to do your job, and don't make me fire you now-!"

 The grip on my neck was ice cold... I... I... When did he get this strong? No! I... I have been betrayed! I was head-level to him, but I could not see his face, nor his eyes.

 "Why.... do you hide that.... hideous face?! At least let me look at you.... you traitor!"

 I only then noticed the sleeve of his left arm, the one he used to hold me, was torn, and I could see... is that bone?! He stepped into the light, and finally I could see his face, ridden of flesh, only the white skull that crawled of rats that chewed on the sockets of what once contained his eyes. The blade of the hook glinted on his right hand, though slightly rusty it already is. He slides the rust on my cheek, as if he was caressing it with his hand like he was dear to me. I tried to muster my strength to hit him, but his grip tightened on my neck that my arms felt numb. My senses were all fixated to the pain on my neck that has been sustained for too long. My body twitched to the numbness, and then I could not see his face clearly anymore.

 Not like this! He will pay! I forced myself to breathe and kicked his stomach with my right, causing him to stagger. I breathed as much as I could, but I could not see clearly. My sight faded back and forth, but I could hear the scratching of his hook on the wall. I cannot face him, I am unarmed. Run! Run!

 Up the stairs I ran, and turned around to the left towards a hallway lit by the same moon. To the right, I saw a set of double wooden doors slightly ruined, next to the shattered long mirror with the glass on the long table. I had to hide, I was unarmed, else he would take the chance to strike me down. I turned the knob hastily and opened the door that thankfully firmly stood. I closed it, and I veered to my left, into the shadows I hid, within the curtains by the window. I listened carefully, closely, but never dared to peek my head out to reveal myself. Then I heard the running footsteps and the scratching on the wall coming from the other side of it, and then escape into the hallway ahead.

 He has gone, I have eluded him. I was free. Well, for the moment I suppose, that is true. If I cannot kill him, then I have to escape, away from here, whatever this place is.

 Trapped in that stone cold prison, and the I end up here? What is this place? Cautiously I peeked over the curtain, and there was no one in sight, but then I began to survey the room.

 A grand piano stood on the middle of the shadow in between where the moonlight shines over the large windows. The curtains were torn, but they still draped the outlines of the window. Some of the wood is chipped on the floor, and the large carpet is laid over it and beneath the piano, which is at its center.

 The aura of this room is eerie, and yet there's the feeling of familiarity in here. I walk over the carpet, to the piano, instinctively. I reach out to the piano and touch it, feel the fibers of the rough fibers of the wood on my skin.

 Then it happened. People surrounded me, and danced to the waltz of this piece that was playing. I think I played it, I am not sure. Then I removed my hand.

 "Wh-where am I?!"

[dawnled]

tag post #3 ( canon (and related) verses ) !