#the letter after she crashed the car??? the way she has to write it in the first place???

[lover-of-mine]

Anyway, Dean was emotionally abusive and the only reason he never hit Rory was because the script didn't say he would because any guy that hits something so he won't hit you will eventually hit you and Rory spends all of her relationships reacting based on Dean's reactions.

[syoddeye]

john price x f!reader thing. unedited. ~600 words.

john price finds a dent in the driver’s door and a note tucked under a wiper.

sorry i can’t afford to pay, please forgive me x

and he’s angry, of course. who wouldn’t be? piece of shit. then he registers the looping handwriting and the little heart in the corner. interesting. he pulls the cctv. lo and behold, there she is. the culprit. some stumbling drunk buffoon.

~~

you probably shouldn’t have nabbed an e-scooter when you were three sheets to the wind, but you did, and fuck, you’re paying for it. you genuinely feel bad about the dent you left in the parked car last night, but you think a broken wrist and three stitches in your lip is more than enough punishment, thanks. you groan, remembering how you tossed the scooter into a bush and hiked a few streets away before calling 999. having to clock in for an opening shift added insult to injury.

~~

he imagines it’s rough going, working an espresso machine with a busted wrist. he supposes the manager didn’t want her as the cashier given the lip. pity, the swelling and stitches aside, she’s quite cute. but serves her right.

he wonders how she’ll react when he picks up his coffee and procures the printed still of her face, clear as day, fleeing from the scene of the crime.

he should feel bad, considering her injuries and what a barista job pays, but. it’s the principle of the thing.

“rough night?” he asks, hovering at the end of the bar.

“huh? oh, yeah. could say that,” she smiles tiredly. it’s a little strained, but still warm. “pity partied too hard.”

john’s smirk flattens. “pity party?”

“yeah,” she shrugs. “series of unfortunate events.”

like running into my car?

“what, bad date?” he jokes carefully, hiding behind a friendly grin.

“ha, guess so. it was supposed to be an anniversary dinner.” she explains dryly, looking all the more defeated as she tamps the grounds.

“supposed to be?”

she glances up, locking in the portafilter with a crank of her good arm. she finally looks a little suspicious of him. smart. “yeah.”

“i don’t mean to pry. you just seem like you could use a vent.” solid recovery.

it works. she considers a moment, shrugs again, and nods as she pulls the shot. “guess so,” she licks her lip and looks back, evidently deeming him harmless. not smart.

“found out he was cheating, called him on it, and he stormed out. after we ordered.”

that’s. that’s not what he expected. but it stirs something oddly protective. john’s a bit old-fashioned, he’s the first to admit it, so to hear about a man carrying himself so poorly? a man running around on a pretty thing like her?

it doesn’t sit well with him. car be damned.

“so how’d you…” he prompts, nodding at the cast.

“oh, yeah, we ordered some fancy wine. i drank most of the bottle alone, sobbing,” she cracks a self-deprecating smile and it dislodges something in his chest. “but the server didn’t charge me for dessert. i, uh, fell on my way home.”

crashed. you crashed into my car.

“sounds terrible.”

“it was. the whole night was. anyway.” she pauses to slide a pen from her apron to write on the cup. “americano to go?” she asks, pushing the drink over the counter, eyes floating to the next order.

john spots the same little heart, the looping letters. he looks back at her, plugging along despite the clear heartache and injuries. he sighs, crumpling the print out in his pocket.

“think i’ll have it to stay, actually,” he mumbles, knowing she doesn’t hear him as she makes the next drink.

he camps out at a table where he can watch her. there’s a dent in his car, but he’s decided there’s a barista-sized hole in his life.

[iiotic]

｡‧What letters? ༻༉

Alastor x Fem! Reader

༉‧.tw - an opinion, mentions of toxic parents, racism, toxic relationship, bullying, death, use of Alchocol, Reader is white (sorry to all other races)

༉‧.words - 1.9k

༉‧.a/n - This is pt 1 and pt 2 of "what letters?" combined because I hated how stupid it looked in 2 parts. The is very badly written because it was one of my first works and as always I'd like to apologize for any mistakes English is not my first language.

In 1907 your parents decided to move in Louisiana, New Orleans. You were awfully scared of changing schools thinking that you won't make any friends since it's the middle of school year.

You were assigned school uniforms. Blue-ish shirt with white buttons and a black skirt just below your knees. Black tights and white boots. You quite liked it however you thought it was a little stupid that they gave you bright shirts. Of course you will get them dirty.

You soon found yourself troubled to sit with someone at lunch. Everyone seemed like they were having a good time, laughing with others and you just didn't want to interrupt them.

You also took a notice of how people sit. In what groups. Everyone was sitting with the same race as them. Just like in your old school, nothing was different here.

You usually sat alone. Until..

-"May i sit here?"- A boy your age asked. He had round black glasses and chocolate eyes. - I took notice of you sitting alone at lunch and i was wondering if i could join you?

You quickly recovered from the shook and agreed to his offer. After introducing yourself you found out that the boys name is Alastor. He told you that he had troubled sitting with anyone because he was "mixed" and that no one accepted him the way he is.

Then you realised what your parents told you. They absolutely forbidden you to talking to any other race. Your dad didn't like black people one bit. He thought that they are absolutely useless and shouldn't be accepted in any way. That they shouldn't exist.

However you weren't just going to throw away your first friend in school like that. Deciding to keep it a secret.

You learned that Alastor is actually really smart. He was the top student in his class, getting straight A's. Well except history but you were great with it so you made a deal. You would help Alastor with history and he'd help you with any other subject you had problems with.

You also met Ms. Barbara, Alastors mother. She was a sweet woman, really. She always made the best jambalaya and was really supportive of her son, always wishing the best for him. She grew a liking to you as well.

Thought you did notice the weird looks people would give you at school. You didn't mind.

After a year you developed feelings for Alastor thinking that he's sweet, clever and fun.. And he knows how to cook. But little did you know that he did too.

Then it all crashed. Your parents decided to move out of Louisiana. You questioned them why would they even wanted to move in if we were leaving now.

Absolutely devastated you went to see and say your last goodbye to Alastor. You promised him to somehow keep in touch and write a lot of letters.

It didn't work out.

Your father found out about your little friend and the letters you would write every night to update him how has your day been and that you miss him. He gave the letters to your mother so that she could burn them or hide them in the attic so that you and Alastor wouldn't have any kind of communication.

And here you were, sitting in your new room. Waiting, waiting for letters from the boy who you've developed feelings for.. Or has he already forgotten about you?

On your 29th birthday you had an accident. A car crash. You decided to drive extremely drunk after your own party. 2 people in the car with you; your best friend and your younger sister. That day 2 souls came to rest and 1 to suffer in hell.

After you woke up in not your body you absolutely freaked out. Where were you? Where is my younger sister? What time is it? I'm hungry. Were you.. Dead?

Behind your laying body stood the "Happy Hotel" where souls are suppose to get rehabilated. You had no other choice then to go there.

3 knocks could be heard across the main hall suggesting that someone is waiting behind the door. A pretty blonde woman opened the door and seemed extremely excited to see you.

She introduced herself as Charlie, the owner of the hotel and the Princess of hell. Charlie explained that you ended in hell and how things work here. You were absolutely terrified.. What did you that you ended here?

But then it hit you. Your father robbed the store multiple times and didn't get caught. You were suppose to keep it a secret and you did. You should've report it to the police.

Charlie also said that you could stay here for as long as you wish, on 1 condition; you would have to help in any way you can. A free place to stay and a nice owner? Of course you agreed instantly.

When Charlie was walking you to your new room you felt awfully uncomfortable.. Like you were watched. You're terrified at this point 'couse you just realised where you are.

Everything is happening so fast that you don't know what's even going on. But before you could realise anything a deer-like creature is standing right infront of you.

You looked up at the tall creature before you with fear in your eyes. None of you said anything. His red eyes staring at you, almost like you were his prey and he was your predator. He was smiling. Why the hell was he always smiling like nothing has ever happen?

How could you look at him the same when he had left you heartbroken like that?

How could you forgive him for everything he'd done?

How could you act like everything was fine when it wasn't?

-"Why didn't you respond to any of my letters?" - The fear in your eyes slowly turning into anger and sorrow. - You promised me you'd write back to me. Then tell me why didn't i receive anything?

His eyes narrowed and his smile grew bigger. -"What letters?" - His voice sounding like an old radio. The static was ringing in yours ears, causing you a headache. -"I never received any of your letters, dear."

-"Stop lying to me, Alastor." - You quickly interrupted his sentence. -"I wrote to you everyday, hoping for a response from you. Tell me, why didn't you fulfil our promise?"

-"I would-" - He was interrupted once again. This time by the owner of the hotel. She walked up to you two with an excited face, screaming your name.

She slowed down as she saw who you were talking to. Her excited smile slowly turned into an more nervous one.

-" I see you two already met each other." - Charlie said focusing more on Alastor, hoping that he didn't do anything stupid. - "In case that he didn't introduce himself his name is Alastor. But I'm sure you've already heard of him. I just came her to say that your room is ready."

You thanked Charlie as you were truly grateful for everything she already has done for you. Without her you would probably be homeless, just waiting to get killed in the next extermination. Soon enough Charlie completely ignored Alastor, dragging you along to introduce to you everyone in the hotel.

-" So that was Niffty! We're 80% sure she's harmless. And this is the bar and the bartender" - She said pointing on an avian cat demon, absolutely screaming with excitement. But can you really blame her? You were her second true guest!

The demon behind the bar just looked at you for a second turning back around to whatever he was doing.

-"Oh! Vaggie here!!"- She said waving at a girl with long white hair with a jagged, moth-like shape to the cut, with gray-lavender stripes at the ends. Charlie quickly introduced her too. -" And this is my girlfriend, Vaggie."

Vaggie just gave you a slight smile while telling Charlie that they should talk in private. Apologising Charlie said that she was going to be right back.

So now you were left all alone in the lobby. You decided to sit on the couch to think about everything that has just happened.

"Okay so there's an afterlife and i'm not so surprisingly in hell. Im in a place filled with crazy psychos.." You pinched the bridge of your nose. Looking around at your surroundings, hoping that this is all a dream. "Some surprisingly happy woman allowed me to stay at her hotel for as long as i want to. And in this hotel there's my childhood bestfriend. Amazing."

-"Fucking amazing" - You said out loud as you heard Charlie coming back wanting to continue the tour.

｡‧₊༻

You woke up to the sound of someone knocking on your door. Getting up and throwing a blanket on yourself you yelled that they should come in.

And he did.

-"What are you doing here, Alastor?"- You looked at him with anger in your eyes. "- I don't want to see you."

-" Well, dearest." - He paused thinking how he should put it in words. -" I just wanted to make few things clear beetwen us."

- "We haven't seen each others in years and here you are being mad at me because you didn't keep our little promise."

- "I didn't keep it?" - You got up from your sitting position on your bed and started to slowly walk up to him. -" I always stayed up late at night writing letters to you every-fucking-day. I thought that you would care just a little to write back to maybe I don't fucking one. Atleast one letter?"

-" As i said earlier, i didn't receive any letters."- He looked at you calmly with his signature smile -"However I'd like to know your excuse to not responding to my letters."

-"I didn't receive any letters Alastor!" - God, you were so mad at him. He truly broke your heart. You liked him.. No you lived him for such a long time. He was your first crush and now? He was just a fucking manipulator. - Why the fuck are you lying to me?

-"I'd like to discuss this matter calmly." - He said referring to you cussing him in every sentence and your unstoppable yelling. - How about I'll take you to a cafe, my treat.

After considering his offer you agreed. You really needed to know what happened between you two and if he was really lying. It was quite dumb for you to just assume he was a liar without any proof but I guess it was the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

This morning you borrowed a dress from Charlie becouse you didn't have any other clothes then the ones that you've fallen in. It was a black dress just below your knees with an sweetheart neckline. She also borrowed you her jewelry so now you're also wearing a golden necklace.

The time of day has come and Alastor knocked to your bedroom once again. This time you opened the door closing it behind, ready to go.

Alastor snapping his finger teleported both of you to a nearby cafe. Coming in and gesturing you to chose a table. After you choose one he pulled out the chair for you and took a seat before you.

-"So dear."- He looked up at you -"That dress really compliments your figure."

-"Thank you however it isn't mine. Now I'd like you to explain what happened?"

-"I don't know what you're talking about, darling. "- Oh now he is acting dumb?

-" I'll ask one last time. Why didn't you respond to any of my letters?" - You asked, this time calmly. Crossing your arms.

-"and I'll say one last time. I didn't receive them."- He said looking out of the window, seeing demons suffer. -"I always thought that you didn't write them, that you've forgotten about me."

-"I'd never forget you, Alastor. You meant a lot for me."- You responded looking out of the window as well -"I couldn't imagine life without you. That's why I was truly heartbroken when i didn't ses you write back."

-"I was writing to you, so many times. In fact i always wrote to you on the end of every week." - He confessed - "For over 15 years."

-"But i didn't receive anything?"

-"Neither did i, dear"- Maybe it was the wrong address? Maybe I just didn't know how to send letters? Maybe I didn't actually send them?

-"So.. I'm sorry I'm so embarrassed right now." - You looked at your lap fidgeting with your fingers -"I should have never yelled at you like. It was very immature of me to accuse you of something you didn't do."

-"That's fine, darling"- he said looking back at you lowering his tone a bit -"Everything is fine between us?"

You looked at him with hope in your eyes. Oh how much you wanted to bring things to normal, how it was earlier when you were kids. -"Yeah everything is fine."

-"Smile my dear. You know you're never fully dressed without one!"

[callmewrinkles3]

All Too Well - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: Saying goodbye is hard. Saying goodbye to your family without telling them it’s a final goodbye is even harder. But Em has come to terms that Dan doesn’t love her the same way she loves him, and leaving on her own terms will hurt less than being told he’s ending things. March 2022.

Word Count: 12.3k

Warnings: fighting, all the angst this bad boy can carry, lil bit of a dickhead!Dan, running away from your friends, mentions of death, mentions of motorsport crashes and deaths, moving without telling anyone, lying to family, talk of medical procedures, frank talks about what people want to happen if they can’t decide.

A/N: We’ve kept you waiting, but we hope this was worth the wait! This part of our story is what started us on this madcap adventure together, and it’s a lot of what makes our beloved Em Em. Thank you in advance!

Em stared at the two boarding passes in front of her as she sat in the fancy Heathrow lounge, a caramel latte beside them. Heathrow to Dubai, Dubai to Melbourne. More than twenty hours spent on planes to get to Melbourne, to jump into work and get stuck in at the Australian Grand Prix. And it was the last thing she wanted to do.

She should be excited. She should be so happy because she was about to see the boys after over a week apart, she was about to see Dan. She was finally going to get to see the Ricciardos after almost two years apart. But she was dreading it, the memories from Saudi filling her head as she thought. Em forced her attention to the laptop sitting on her knees, emails up and the one she never thought she’d write sitting in the middle of the screen.

SUB: Resignation Letter

From: emmy@.ric3.com

To: blake@.ric3.com

Dear Blake,

Please use this email as my official resignation, effective immediately. I’m sorry that I can’t offer any more notice.

Working with you has been fantastic, and I appreciate everything we’ve gotten to do over the past three years.

Kind regards,

Emma.

Signing it Emma felt wrong. Emma was for Zak Brown and Andreas Sidle. Christian Horner had used it the one time she was introduced to him at Red Bull. She was always Em or Ems now. Except for Dan, she was his Emmy. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Or ever again. If he called her that she thought she might lose the last grip she had on her composure and break.

The email was scheduled and sitting in her outbox to send after the race, and the last thing she did before boarding was reschedule her flight home. Instead of leaving Monday morning with the boys, she was going on Sunday evening. She’d be somewhere over Queensland by the time Blake received the email and the boys would be at least twelve hours behind her. It was enough time to make sure she could be well ahead of them and get away.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be smiling and laughing, and she was supposed to be in Perth right now cuddling her niblings and laughing with Grace and Joe. Learning to cook yet another family recipe and insisting that she and Dan were just friends. She couldn’t even answer the question honestly if they were friends now.

He’d sent her away. The one thing she begged him not to do, the pinkie promise she’d made him give. The only promise she had ever asked him to keep. Not to stay safe while driving, not to do anything else. Not to leave her alone. The near screaming match they’d had in his drivers room that Blake and Michael had to break up. The way he didn’t even look at her but told Blake to “take Ems to the hotel”. How she had tears streaming down her face as she was escorted through the paddock like she wasn’t supposed to be there.

She still didn’t fully believe that she’d dropped her phone in the car. Em shouldn’t even have been in the car alone with Blake, but Dan insisted she went to the hotel room so she went. She was left there alone in Saudi Arabia, where Dan knew she couldn’t leave the hotel. She stared out the window at the smoke from the rockets, completely alone all night until Michael knocked on her door the following morning and she had to pretend everything was fine.

She’d worked from hospitality and as soon as the race finished she changed her flights to go back to London instead of Perth, making up an excuse. And Dan bought that she was going back for her parents.

“Family stuff.” She’d said when he asked.

“Em, you don’t talk to your family much.” She was folding clothes into her case, the one she’d brought that had her Australia clothes already standing fully packed.

“Yeah, but it’s family. My parents have their thirty fifth wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I’m helping plan it.” Only the last part of her words were a lie and she bit her tongue.

“Everyone wants to see you, they all miss you and they keep asking when you’ll be over. The kids miss you.”

“I’ll see them in Melbourne, Dan. You go, enjoy your time at home with them.”

She’d gotten a car to bring her to the airport and Dan hadn’t even asked a question, just a “text me when you land”. There was no hug, no even quick hand squeeze like they usually did in the Middle East. That’s when she knew whatever they were doing. The nearly four years of sleeping together and pretending they weren’t, of the media wondering who she was and why she was always there, was over.

She’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to catch feelings, that it was just sex. That she could do it. That every time she told Dan “y’know, right?” it was purely platonic. That the slow sex was just them wanting to take their time, nothing else. That she hadn’t murmured to Dan to make love to her in Bahrain when they shouldn’t have even been sharing a room after Grosjean’s crash, when he kissed her and held onto her and whispered that he loved her as he entered her.

Because that was sixteen months ago and nothing had changed. It was never going to change between them. Their fight in Saudi had proven it, and now she had to pretend that everything was fine before she said goodbye to the people she loved for the last time.

She couldn’t keep working with Dan when not sleeping with him. She couldn’t watch him fall for another woman, couldn’t get introduced to more people as “Em, my best friend” anymore. She was his Emmy. He was her Danny. And not getting to love him and be loved by him how she wanted to was going to kill her.

The flights were what she expected, Dan had upgraded her tickets to first class like he always did and she wanted to kill him like she always did. She spent the flights and the layovers organising his calendar for the next three months, tracking his flights and cross checking the sponsor events that had been filled in. Everything up to Hungary was booked and ready to go. She checked her watch when she was halfway to Melbourne, realising that he’d be at the Optus event she was usually on his arm for. She was supposed to be there this year, but she told him to take Michelle instead. All the events around the Australian GP that she always went as his plus one, wearing the star necklace he’d gotten her for her birthday, and the matching earrings that were her Christmas present the same year. Her outfit was usually one he’d bought for her against her protests because “let me spoil you” was how he showed that he cared, and she always wore the gold moon ring on her thumb that matched the sun one she’d bought him for his little finger. Most of her wardrobe and all of her everyday jewellery were presents from Dan. Her life was completely entwined with his, and untangling it all was going to hurt.

Her flight got in at god-awful o’clock that Wednesday morning, she’d lost a full day having left London on the Monday evening, but she walked through Melbourne customs with her suitcase glad to just be through. She’d told everyone she’d get an Uber to the hotel and meet them for breakfast, but instead as soon as she appeared in front of the glowing Melbourne sign two small figures ran to her yelling.

“AUNTIE EMMY YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE HERE!” Em dropped her bags and fell to her knees, arms wide open to pull Isaac and Isabella into her and pressing so many kisses to their curly heads.

“I’m here, I’m here. I missed you both so much. So, so much. I’m so sorry I couldn’t see you, I wanted to see you sooner.” Stupid Western Australia and closed borders and not letting people through. Her eyes began shining as she took in the difference in the two kids, Isaac at least a foot taller and losing the childlike way he’d spoken. Isabella had doubled in size, long hair and a child instead of a toddler the last time she’d seen her in person.

“It’s ok, you’re here now! Nana said you’ll sit with us for ev’rything ‘cept the race? Cause we’ve got two years of birthday and Christmas pressies for you!” Isaac looked so proud, grinning as he took her wheeled carry on and pulled it.

“I can’t wait. Who’re you here with?”

“Grandad Joe! He has our sign, Uncle Mike and Uncle Blake told us we had to use all the glitter. We were gonna wait, but I saw you and I wanted a hug. Is that ok?” He looked almost worried of her response, but she ruffled his hair.

“It’s more than ok. All I wanted was hugs from the two of you.”

Isabella clung to her waist, Em lifting her up with one arm and mentally thanking Michael for the strength training that let her carry the girl and pull her suitcase with her. She looked around to see Joe holding a giant piece of bright orange card, Auntie Emmy written on it in blue and silver glitter. It was the shiniest thing she’d ever seen in her life, and it was coming home with her even with the craft herpes that would infest her suitcase. Joe pulled her into a one armed hug on the side his granddaughter wasn’t monopolising, pushing a kiss to the side of her forehead that made her want to cry.

“We missed you, kiddo. Grace wanted to be here but we couldn’t fit her in the car too, and Dan’s doing media today. You cut it tight to get in.”

“It’s my parents wedding anniversary next week, I’ve been helping. I have to fly out after the race on Sunday.” It was Wednesday, and she could see his face fall as he realised how little time they’d have together.

“We’re spending as much time with you as we can until you go. Those boys get you all year round, we get you for this weekend.”

“That sounds perfect.”

When they made it to the hotel Em was greeted with yet more hugs from Grace, Michelle, and Michelle’s husband Adam. There were tears in everyone’s eyes at the reunion, and the long hug from Grace was the best thing ever and broke her heart at the same time. It was so restorative, so good, but she wasn’t going to get many more of them.

“Dan checked you in, here’s your key. He’s got the room on the other side of you, Blake’s on the other wall, we’re most of our corridor. Do you want to get some sleep and we’ll call you at noon?”

The first thing Em noticed about her room was the adjoining door between her room and Dan’s. She closed the lock gently to make sure she was completely alone. After that she napped fitfully, waking up to knocks on the door and yet more hugs. The day was spent going to the zoo, kids hanging out of her as she swung them around and gave piggybacks, feeling exactly like part of the family. Blake told her to take the day off for jet lag, and she wasn’t complaining.

That evening was filled with fun as the kids clung to her while she pulled out the first of so many presents. Chocolate first so she could see their faces eating proper chocolate rather than the Australian stuff that didn’t melt in the heat. The bag of duty free was quickly eaten between everyone, a movie on tv as she filled everyone in on what she had been doing. It wasn’t until after eight that Dan appeared wearing a suit.

“Ems! I thought you were coming with me tonight?” She looked up from where she’d been half dozing with Isabella curled up against her, taking in her best friend wearing a navy blue suit and white shirt.

“Coming to what? I’m taking today for jet lag. What’s tonight?”

“The AusGP reception. You always come!” Confusion was written all over his face and Em swallowed once, looking at him carefully.

“I said I wasn’t doing anything this year. I have to leave pretty much straight after the race, I don’t have time.”

“Emmy, please.” She hated that she couldn’t resist him when he did that, when her name curled around his accent like that.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” This was the closest they’d ever come to an argument in front of his family. Their eyes were going between them as if watching a tennis match.

“I got you something.”

“Dan, you can’t do that.” It was pointless to argue but she had to try make her point. She couldn’t just do everything because he wanted her to.

“I did. C’mon, it’s three hours and some schmoozing and we can come back so you can go to bed. He did his best impression of puppy dog eyes, lifting Isabella from her. “You want to see Auntie Emmy all glam and pretty, right Is?”

“Yeah! She’s always pretty.”

“You’re very right. I left the dress in your room, Ems. Please?”

“Fine.”

She said her goodbyes and went into her room, making sure the adjoining door was locked before going into shower and change. As she walked into the bathroom she thought she heard the door rattle but ignored it, forcing herself to take time to put herself together.

Years travelling around the world had taught her how to make herself look presentable in very little time, forcing her to learn how to do a blow dry with a hotel hairdryer. It took less than an hour to have hair and makeup perfectly done, a wrap around her shoulders and a pair of heels on her feet. The dress Dan had picked was perfect for her. It was lavender, knee length with a corset top, and her jewellery worked perfectly with it. He had taste when it wasn’t about party shirts. Once she was ready she picked up a clutch and knocked on Dan’s door. He opened the door confused, but ready to go.

“I thought you’d use the adjoining door? It’s why I got us these rooms.”

“I’m tired, Dan. Can we just get this over with?”

The launch was like anything else, an event to deal with. There were speeches and then wandering around the room, Dan’s hand hovering at her lower back but not quite touching her. She smiled as she was introduced as “meet Ems, she’s my best friend and my manager’s assistant who keeps my life on track”, even while her heart was breaking. But she kept her cool, finally managing to break away from Dan for a few minutes to chat to Ted and Natalie from Sky while Dan did the rounds.

“I didn’t know if you’d be here. I was talking to Michael yesterday, he said you weren’t in Perth with them,” Ted remarked as Em looked at the almost empty glass of champagne in his hand.

“Is this going to end up as gossip on the notebook if we talk?” Nat nearly snorted with laughter, Ted shaking his head with a chuckle.

“Nope. I’m drinking so I’m officially off work duties. Unless you have any gossip about things? Anything that I can attribute to an unnamed McLaren source?”

“I don’t work for McLaren, thankfully Zak doesn’t sign my paycheque. But no, I’ve got no gossip. There’s some family stuff happening so I have to head home pretty much as soon as the race is over. But I needed to see everyone, it’s been almost two years and I missed them.”

“Fair.” They chatted about the season so far, studiously ignoring the controversy around the last race, until Dan arrived back to make excuses and get them to leave the party.

“Back to the hotel?”

“You read my mind.”

The car ride back was the most awkward one the two of them had ever done and Em didn’t know what to do. Usually if they were in a car alone together they’d be curled into each other or at least holding hands. But she was on her side of the SUV, Dan was on his, and the hand she’d stretched into the middle as a peace offering was ignored. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with that. Didn’t want to know, really. All his actions did was solidify that the painful decision she’d reached was the right one. Just because things could be easy didn’t mean they were right.

When they reached their floor in the hotel Dan stopped outside her hotel room as Em waved the keycard at the lock.

“Night, Dan.”

“But I thought…”

“What?” She was sharper than she should have been, but she was jet lagged and tired and heart sore.

“I thought we’d be sharing a room.”

“Your family are two doors down and the kids are here. The chances of at least one of them knocking on my door before I want to get up in the morning are high, and I don’t want to have to explain why we share a bed when we’re not married. Do you?”

“Not particularly.”

“Exactly. I’ll see you in the morning.”

As soon as the hallway door closed behind her she double checked the lock on the adjoining door before flipping over the door lock. If she’d looked out the peephole she would have seen a confused and disappointed Dan standing in the hallway.

The next few days passed in a haze of having the kids around, working, and ignoring Zak. She knew he was the original source of the rumours the year before, he was the one who got Mazepin to start spreading that she was sleeping with all three of her boys. It was her greatest pleasure to get to tell him no, and she did it with joy.

But in between finalising as much as she could before her resignation was sent she had time to wander Melbourne alone. She loved the city. It had always welcomed her in, it was Dan’s home race and the place where she knew everyone adored him. Em wandered around a craft market, finding a jewellery maker who made gold charms and engraved them on the spot. It took her all of ten seconds to buy two and get them put on different coloured leather cords, one each for Isaac and Isabella. The front had a pair of angel wings for each of her angel kids, and the engraving on the back read love you forever, Auntie Emmy. 

Leaving her family behind was going to be the hardest part of this, and she needed to make sure that they knew just how much she loved them. Em was so aware that she was about to be the first adult to choose to walk out of their lives, and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to break their hearts the way hers would break too. She just hoped that when they realised she wasn’t coming back they’d know she wanted to tell them how much she loved them.

Practice and qualifying were shit and she felt her dislike of the team growing even stronger. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to deal with the stupid orange team and the way that they were favouring Lando already. Dan was the one who won a race last year, not Lando. He was the one who had proven himself with podiums galore. But they didn’t care.

That night she left the door between their rooms unlocked. Her bags were half packed, her resignation email was scheduled to send and she’d triple checked the timezone on it. Em had spent the last two days hugging everyone as much as she could, surprising Chloe by popping into the Aston garage before a practice and waving to Lance and Seb as she pulled Chloe into a giant hug. Scotty got one too, trying to put the love and care she had for her best friends outside her boys into a hug. There were waves to the people she couldn’t hug because rumours would start, giving Susie a recommendation for the restaurant they all ate at the night before so she and Toto could have a family meal with Jack in privacy. The small things to make sure everyone knew she thought about them and loved them.

Em couldn’t sleep straight away. Nights before races were hard, the crashes she’d watched with her own two eyes usually playing in her head. Dan in Anthoine’s car, Dan in Grosjean’s. Dan in Lewis’s place the year before with no halo. Dan in the rain and a tractor on track. All the ways she knew people had died racing she thought about and she couldn’t deal. Her fear every time Dan slid into his seat in the car was all encompassing but racing was his first love and she could never ask him to stop.

She was about to get up and go down to Michael’s room to ask for some melatonin, but the doorknob between the two rooms rattled and clicked open quietly. Em stayed still as she was, breathing in and out steadily.

Dan slipped into the other side of the bed. If she just opened her eyes she’d be able to see him. If she reached her fingers out slightly she could touch him. It was the first time they’d shared a bed since Bahrain and being just over covid and she wanted him to hold her. Her body was screaming to curl into him and tell him she loves him and she’s his and she doesn’t want him to fall in love with anyone else because she wants him to love her. To choose her over all the models in the world he could have.

She didn’t sleep that night, too aware of his presence in the bed. She could hear his snores but she didn’t dare look up at him, didn’t dare move in case she disturbed him. He needed his sleep the night before a race.

As the morning dawned through crappy hotel curtains she could feel the vibrations from the alarm on his watch, the one he always used to try let her get some extra sleep when he needed to be up early.

Please kiss my forehead. Please, Dan. Please just give me any sign you want me to stay. Don’t leave me again.

Every morning was the same when they shared a bed. He’d delay until the very last minute to stay in the warmth and then kiss her forehead in goodbye. And then he’d leave, not content to get out from there until he made sure she knew he said goodbye.

This time he slid out of the bed without touching her, padding across the still room and going back into his. Em heard the lock slide shut on his side and rolled over, tears filling her eyes.

It hurt so much already, how was she supposed to pretend that everything was fine? How was she supposed to act normal around everyone when she wanted to scream that they were over and nothing would ever be the same again? How could she be okay when she felt like this? 

He’d left her alone. Again. He hadn’t even touched her but he’d slept in her bed and she never thought Dan could be so cruel. She never thought he’d leave her with the barest hint of his scent, that if she hadn’t been awake she wouldn’t have known he was there. The ache spread through her chest and she tried to quiet her sobs but it hurt. It hurt so, so badly.

A cold shower soothed her puffy face, getting rid of some of the usual redness while makeup did the rest. She was dressed in her usual race day gear of shorts, vans, a McLaren polo, and a Dan hat on her head by the time there was a knock on her door, Michael standing there.

“Hey, I’m heading in with Dan and Blake now. He said you’re going in with his family in an hour?” Another cut in her heart. More space between them. But she schooled her face into a smile, hoping Michael would believe everything was fine.

“Yeah. I said I wanted as much time with the kids as possible, it’s fine.  See you there?”

“See you there.”

Michael was a couple of metres away from her when she stepped into the hall, grabbing her room key from the slot just inside the door.

“Michael?” He turned and she half jogged, pulling him into a tight hug.

“What’s this for?”

“Haven’t seen you as much. You know you’re my brother, right? How lucky I am to have you as my family?”

“You’re the most annoying little sister Ems, but you’re my little sister. I’ve missed having you around.”

“Miss you too.”

She watched him walk away as step one of her goodbyes was done. The next was to go to breakfast with everyone and pretend that things were normal for the next few hours until the race was over. She could do it. She had to.

Breakfast with the extended Ricciardo clan was fun, Isabella still clinging to her and Isaac insisting on sitting beside her. She soaked up every moment she got with them, walking out to the car Dan had arranged holding Isabella on her hip.

“That’ll be you in a few years,” Michelle commented as Em struggled with the car seat buckle before getting it right. “The mother, not the cool aunt. We can swap places.”

Another stab to her already mangled heart. “I dunno. Wait and see, but I’m not sure that’s on the cards any time soon.” Considering the only man she wanted to have a child with didn’t want to be with her, it was a no.

You’ll be a good mother, Em. Plus you’ll have loads of family around.” She wanted to scream that she was leaving her family behind for good this afternoon but instead she just smiled tightly. It was too close to home. She couldn’t keep this conversation going. It hurt.

The race matched her mood. The strategy wasn’t good, the car was a tractor, and the oblique team orders to not let Dan try overtake Lando made her want to scream. The team points would be the same, but no. Not for his home race even. The crowd were amazing and let out loud cheers every time the orange car made its way around the circuit, but it wasn’t enough and Em knew it. It hurt. Her last time at a Grand Prix, her last time cheering for the man she was so deeply in love with, and the team and car had let him down again.

The plan was already to delay debrief till Monday so Dan got to spend time with his family, and Em decided to head to the airport nearly immediately. She couldn’t stay any longer. She couldn’t deal with any more hints from Michelle about a niece or nephew in the future, couldn’t listen to Grace or Joe talking about how much they’d missed her. She couldn’t spend more time with Blake and Michael without wanting to break down and tell them that they had changed her life and she wouldn’t make them choose between her and Dan.

Because that was what it came down to. She was the last one in this group that was all united by their love of Daniel Ricciardo. She was the one who loved him so deeply it hurt, the one who loved every single member of the group to the moon and to Saturn. And she loved them so much she couldn’t bear to have them walk away from her. Because that was what would happen.

Her own blood family didn’t choose her. They saw her as a disgrace, as a failure because she was thirty one years old, unmarried and without kids. They didn’t realise that she was the one who kept Dan on schedule, who organised sponsor events and filtered out the crap he and Blake didn’t need to know about. She stopped the balls from falling out of the sky. Because she was just an assistant.

And if the people who gave birth to her wouldn’t choose her, she knew the family she’d built wouldn’t either. She was never the one who was chosen, and she didn’t blame them. She was just Emma. Danny was Dan. She knew who she’d pick if given a quarter of a chance.

She’d just finished packing when the adjoining door opened, Dan walking in already speaking but stopping when he saw the case by the door, her carry on full with the edge of the orange poster getting folded in.

“Where are you going?” His tone was accusatory and she steeled herself for the argument.

“Home.”

“Emmy…”

“Don’t Emmy me, Daniel! You know I have to go back for the anniversary.” She turned to look at him, watching as confusion turned to anger.

“And I also know that’s bullshit. I’ve known you for how many years, Em? You’ve visited your parents twice. Michael was with you one of those times, the visit lasted twenty minutes and even he didn’t have anything nice to say about it. Michael. Who has a good thing to say about almost everyone. So tell me the truth, why are you leaving now? Why not get on the flight with us tomorrow?”

“Because I have to go back.”

“Don’t lie to me Em!” He raised his voice and Em gave as good as she got, staring back at him.

“You want the truth, Dan? All of it?”

“Yes! That’s all I want, it’s all I’ve ever wanted with you.”

She took a deep breath, staring into his brown eyes for the last time, soaking in that even so angry he was so beautiful. She’d had the privilege of sleeping with him for nearly four years, of loving him for three. Whoever got to do that next would be so incredibly lucky.

“You left me alone. The one thing I ever asked of you, the only thing I ever asked you to promise me was to never leave me alone. I begged you. Whatever was going on, whatever was happening with us, please don’t leave me alone. And then there were bombs flying and I watched one explode and you made me get into a car and leave. You made me stay alone, and you didn’t come back to me that night. I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if you were even alive because I didn’t have my fucking phone until the next morning and all the news was in Arabic. You were gone to the track before I knew what had happened. You left. You broke your promise, Daniel.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” It was the worst thing he could have said.

“But Blake and Michael got to stay. Angela stayed with Lewis, don’t try to lie to me and tell me she didn’t. Britta stayed with Seb. You sent me away, Dan. I was sobbing and begging you to stay and you made Blake drive me away. You made me leave when I was scared.” She let her words sink into him fully. “Just leave. Get out of this room and leave.”

“Emmy…” His voice was soft and she blinked back the tears she knew she wanted to cry. Not until the airport. Not until then.

“GET OUT DAN!” She yelled at him for the first time, shock on his face. “JUST LEAVE! It’s what you’ve been doing this whole weekend, just leave.”

“Fine. Fine. If that’s what you want, I’m fucking gone. I’m done here, I’m gone. I’ll be downstairs in five for you to say goodbye to everyone.” She watched him walk through the adjoining door and lock it as Em’s heart completely broke in two. She’d ruined it. He was done. He was gone. He was leaving and she was going and she would never speak to him again because her Daniel wasn’t hers anymore. One person down, eight to go.

She brought her bags down to the lobby alone, everyone standing there waiting to say goodbye. Michael got a hug, she’d said everything she needed to earlier that day. Blake was beside him, wrapping her in a full body giant one and holding her tight.

“You know I love you, don’t you? I really love you.” Blake grinned and pulled her close again.

“Love you too, Ems. Moving beside you was the best decision I ever made.”

Saying goodbye to Michelle and Adam was hugs and whispers of seeing them for Christmas when she knew it was a lie. Grace pulled her into a hug that only a mother figure could, whispering in her ear.

“We’re coming over for Silverstone and yours and Dan’s birthdays, so we’ll see you then. We love you Em. If you need anything I’m only a FaceTime away. Don’t let them get you down when you’re with your family.”

“I love you too, Grace.”

Joe got a hug and a murmured love you, his hand patting her back soothingly. The kids were last, sulking as Em squatted down in front of them.

“So I got my angels a present to say goodbye, cause I know I didn’t get to see you lots. Want to see them?” There were identical nods and Em strapped the bracelets on, Isaac’s on a black cord and Isabella’s on a purple one.

“It matches the one I made you and Uncle Dan,” Isabella murmured as Em pulled her into a tight hug.

“It does. It’s a reminder that I love you both so very, very much. No matter how far away we are, I’m always going to love you, okay? Don’t ever, ever forget that. Pinkie promise me?” She held out her little fingers, laughing as they both enthusiastically took part in the ritual. She pulled them in for a final hug, pressing kisses to both of their heads.

“See you on winter break!” Isaac grinned as he spoke, Em putting a tight smile on her face. 

“We call it summer break, but I’ll see what we have to do then buddy.”

“Do you want a lift to the airport? I’ve got the rental?” Joe asked but Em shook her head.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got an Uber coming, I just want to get on the road. It’s hard enough to say goodbye to everyone I can’t drag it out much longer.”

“Fair. Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Joe.” Her phone buzzed with the notification that her driver was there and she started towards the door. Dan still hadn’t come down and that was it. He didn’t love her. He didn’t feel anything like how she did because no matter what he’d said, he’d never make her leave. But she made him leave. He was gone.

She was almost at the door when an oh too familiar voice called across the lobby, running up to them. 

“I didn’t think you’d be leaving already.”

“My Uber’s outside, I need to leave.”

“Oh.” There was none of their usual hugs, none of the subtle kisses he pushed to the top of her head when they were separated. He didn’t even squeeze her fingers. It was like they were strangers. “Send a text when you get to London?”

“Yeah, sure.”

She turned to get her luggage into the car, shielding her face from everyone with her hair. The driver lifted it in and she was soon safely ensconced in the back seat, tears falling down her cheeks as she waved goodbye behind partially tinted glass.

“Was that Daniel Ricciardo?” The driver asked, Em forcing a smile.

“Yeah, I work with him.” It was true for another five hours at least.

“He seems like a good guy.”

“He’s one of the best.”

Tears streamed down Em’s cheeks the entire way to the airport, through the fancy check in area and security, and following her into her first class pod. She mostly ignored the staff apart from nodding at them, continuing to cry and wipe her eyes on tissues. The tears barely stopped until Dubai, only aided by Blake’s near constant texts as soon as her email sent.

She knew when she arrived in London that she had about twelve hours before the boys landed, Blake texting even while he was on his flights. She sent a I got back safely, receiving another flurry of responses.

Em, what’s this email about?

What’s going on?

Tell me you didn’t mean to send this

Is it the travel? Do you want to slow down? Why?

Ems we need you. How am I supposed to tell everyone you’re not coming with us anymore? Did you meet someone? Did something happen?

We’re about to land in Heathrow. Dan’s going to his place and looks miserable. I’ll be at your door in less than two hours.

When she got the final text Em grabbed the bags she’d hastily packed with clothes and the things she needed for the next eight days until the boys had left London for Imola. The address of the last minute airbnb was in her email, getting an Uber to it handy. She was long gone by the time Blake arrived, sitting in her temporary home for the next while and planning what she had to do. They’d leave England on the Wednesday, she had five days to empty her flat.

It started with an email to her landlord to give up the lease. Her family reasons excuse was accepted quickly, the landlord told she had to leave London and the apartment would be vacant from the end of the month. After that she had to start planning on where to go to.

There were too many memories in London. Nearly every street reminded her of Dan, of days walking around hand in hand to show him her London, not the tourist one he knew. The city she’d moved to at eighteen with a dream and a student loan and where she’d discovered who she was. Dan was everywhere in the city for her - memories of their first kiss in the pub she’d spent too many hours in, museums she’d dragged him to, streets he’d stolen a kiss from her at with a grin and a chuckle when they were waiting to cross the road. The cafes and greasy spoons she’d brought him to with the promise of not telling Michael. She couldn’t stay there, it was too much.

But everywhere she thought of had memories of him. Filthy weekends away when they were at home because of covid, eating out to help out and driving to Manchester or Glasgow to spend time together and have hotel sex. The midlands were completely out because of Silverstone, of memories of Enstone and the Renault factory, of Milton Keynes and his goodbye from Red Bull.

The only big city she could think of without a memory of Dan - with only one memory of her boys - was Liverpool. Which meant her parents. Which meant a conversation she never wanted to have. Calling her mother wasn’t like calling Grace. But she didn’t have Grace in her life anymore, so she had to do it.

“Emma, what country do you deign to call us from today?” Her mother answered the phone, disdain dripping from every word.

“Good morning, Mother. I’m in England. I was calling because I need to ask for a favour from you.”

“Yes?”

Em swallowed, teeing up words on her too thick tongue. “I had to leave my job, they didn’t have the funding to keep me on. I was wondering if I could move home for a few weeks while I’m applying for new jobs. I want to leave motorsports, there’s too much travelling and I want to settle down.” She hit every keyword that her mother had as she checked her bank account balance, spotting her final pay deposited in the account. It was more than healthy thanks to travelling so much for work and Dan covering that under work expenses. But she needed to be sensible, and renting somewhere without a job would be a mistake.

“You can. You will need to pay rent while you’re here.”

“Of course. Just let me know how much. It wont be for long, it’s just a few weeks. It’ll be like I won’t even be there, if I’m not interviewing I’ll be in my bedroom.”

“Fine. Let me know when you plan to arrive.” She sounded bored of the conversation already.

“I’ll be back April twenty fourth. I can send you the train details then.

“See you then.”

The difference between the call with her mother and a call with Grace just cut the wound in her chest even harder. Grace never let a call end without a million “I love you”s between them. She made sure that Em spoke to everyone in the family, and if Joe was out at the garage she took a message and told Em that he loved her. Instead her mother hadn’t even asked if Em wanted to leave a message for her father.

It felt so, so wrong.

The list of things she had to do before the boys left for Italy was beginning to shrink, but there was still so much to do. She ignored Blake and Michael’s texts, refusing to even open them. The chats were archived so the red dots didn’t irritate her. Dan didn’t send her anything at all, yet more proof that he meant everything he said in Melbourne. He was done with her. She didn’t realise that emotional pain could hurt this much. She’d never believed in soulmates, never believed in fate. She always thought that if a relationship ended she’d get through it. But now? This not quite a relationship over? It ached to her core.

Friday morning she had an appointment with a solicitor, walking in with a tear stained sheet of what she wanted to leave to different people. She’d always fought with Dan about being prepared if something happened to him, not wanting to know what he left her. She was one of the two people who could decide what medical treatment he got if he couldn’t consent. She’d cried when he told her that day in Spa when they got that tragic news what he wanted if he was in a crash like that. That he trusted her to not let him stay on machines. Some of her nightmares included his plaintive “I don’t want false hope” that made her ache.

She didn’t trust her parents to not do the same for her. They’d keep her hooked up to machines for as long as possible, they’d insist it was for “hope”. Em didn’t know what hope, but she knew them. They’d barely spoken for five years apart from occasional texts and birthday cards, they didn’t have the right to decide what happened to her.

It was a blustery Friday morning when she walked into that office and signed the papers to say Daniel Ricciardo, Blake Friend, and Michael Italiano were the people who decided what would happen if she couldn’t make her own medical decisions. She gave the lawyer the makeshift will that was handwritten and tearstained. It was simple - her cookbooks and exercise equipment to Michael because he was always trying to adapt her recipes. All but one piece of her furniture to Blake. Her CDs and DVDs to Dan, along with the coffee table he kept falling over. Her collection of Dan’s raceworn helmets to Isaac and Isabella. Dan, Grace, and Michelle were to divide her jewellery between them based on who wanted what. The rest of her belongings were to be sold and the money put in Isaac and Isabella’s college funds. It was too easy.

Even after everything that had happened, even after walking away, she trusted her boys more than she trusted anyone else in the world.

After all of that her final task was to organise her storage unit and movers. That was easiest of all if Em was honest. A call to a moving company who agreed to put everything in the unit without her there, and walking into a storage company. She signed a two year contract and paid the full rent then and there, surprising the man at the counter. Now she was able to disappear.

The texts kept coming from Blake and Michael. WhatsApp and iMessage, even a signal account she’d forgotten she had on her phone. Michael sent her instagram DMs so she deleted the app instead of trying to avoid reading them and appearing online. But finally it was Wednesday and she knew exactly when the boys were flying out of London City Airport. She’d organised the private flight for them, booked the plane and made sure the flight was as clean as possible. As soon as they’d take off her plan could start.

Walking back into her apartment felt too normal, just checking her post and finding it mostly full of letters from Blake. Get in touch, we’re worried, we miss you. Sentiments she knew he’d share but it would be easy for him to forget about her. The letters went out in recycling and she began to pack up her life.

The boxes were settled easily. Storage, donating, and Dan’s stuff. The ones for him filled quickly, clothes and accessories and things he’d left lying around the apartment that had become theirs instead of just hers. It took three boxes to get rid of the sense of him.

The storage boxes were easier, but the final thing she had to do at four that Sunday morning was decide what to do with her helmet wall. Ever since Monaco and his win, Dan had given her his race worn helmet for any new race design. She could name which race each of them was from, and in the middle was her Monza win one. McLaren had wanted it for the MTC but Dan refused to give it over, insisting it was his and he was keeping it. They got the trophy so he got the helmet. And then he put it in the middle of the IKEA shelves that they’d spent a weekend putting together and laughing.

Part of her - a large part if she was truly honest - wanted to donate them. Get rid of them for the clean break she insisted she needed. But she couldn’t. They were the good parts of the last four years, the best part of her life and the reminder that for years she got to love Daniel Ricciardo and travel the world with her best friends. Once she was settled somewhere she’d put them all back up to get her and explain to whoever asked that she was a part of Formula One for a short while, and it meant so much to her.

It took longer than she expected to get them wrapped carefully and boxed away. Two just about fit in one box, but they were light at least. When they were carefully labelled with the races, a tear falling from her eye when she wrote Monaco 2018 on a box in looping letters, she sat down to write notes to her boys. They deserved more than a resignation email and leaving without saying goodbye but if she saw them in person she wouldn’t walk away. She was barely strong enough to do that the first time. Em couldn’t do it again.

Dan’s took the longest. It started with anger. How could you make me love you when you didn’t love me back scrawled angrily, tears staining the lined pages as she wrote everything. But she couldn’t give it to him how she’d written it. She couldn’t deliberately hurt him. It wasn’t Dan’s fault that she’d fallen in love with a man who couldn’t love her back the way she wanted him to love her. It was her fifth draft, still tear stained, that was the one she was giving him.

Danny,

I’m sorry I didn’t say this in person but I couldn’t do it. We both know that things between us haven’t been working for a while. It’s nobody’s fault. I guess we just wanted different things. It happens to us all. But we’re both done and writing this is easier than another long conversation and another fight.

Go be happy. I’ll cheer you on from wherever I end up, no matter what. You’ve changed so many lives, mine included. Thank you for the amazing years and experiences. You let me do things that so few people ever get to do and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Emma

Michael and Blake’s were harder and easier. She only needed one attempt at them, trying to wipe the tears before they fell.

Blakey,

I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch, but I made sure that everything logistically is booked until the summer break. Just get him where he needs to be on time, you were always better at that than me.

I love you. You’re my big brother and i wasn’t going to make you choose between me and Dan, that was never going to be fair. I’ll be happy and I want you to be happy too. Find a girl and settle down or bring her around the world. I’m rooting for you the entire time.

Will you make sure everyone in the paddock knows I love them? Tell Chloe and Scotty to get their wedding planned. Chloe will be the most beautiful bride and I’m so sorry I won’t get to see her in person. Scotty will look ok, I guess.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Ems

PS - the extra key is for my storage unit. A1 Storage in Wimbledon. Figured you’d be a good person to have it.

She folded Blake’s letter into an envelope and labelled it before writing the last one. Somehow this was the hardest, having to ask Michael to do what she couldn’t.

Mike,

I’m sorry for leaving and I’m sorry for asking you to pass a message on but I know you will. I love you so much. You made lockdown bearable even when I was being a bitch, and you made me actually enjoy exercising you cruel man.

Tell everyone that I love them and I’m sorry? You let me know exactly what a family is and how I deserve to be loved and that’s something I can never thank you enough for. Ever. I can’t make people decide between me and Dan. He wins every time and that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s easier if I just leave.

Tell Grace and Joe I love them and I will forever be grateful for their love and support. Let Michelle know that she’s the best big sister ever. Please make sure that Isaac and Isabella know that I love them no matter what. It’s not their fault I left and I will always love them. Whoever gets to be their auntie is the luckiest person in the world and I wish it got to be me.

Tell all your family I love them, and ti voglio bene to Nadia and your Nana. I love you all so much, and I’m cheering you all on from wherever I end up.

Love,

Em

When the movers came she handed them the key to the storage unit, letting them know what to do. Everything was out of the apartment in a few moments and Em took a last look around her almost empty apartment. The memories were suffocating. Dan tripping over the coffee table, the London lockdown when they got back from Australia and they lied to Michael about what the yoga mat’s primary purpose was. The way Dan danced with her in the dark kitchen, distracting her from finding food for them in the fridge and getting them to sway in the silence. The kisses and living together like he loved her the same way she loved him.

He’d been blowing up her voicemail since Wednesday and she deleted them I listened to. The first “Emmy” hurt her too much, so she decided to practice self preservation for once. As soon as her voicemail said “you have an unlistened to voicemail from Dan” it was deleted. The same with Blake and Michael. She couldn’t do it.

Finally it was time to leave, and she carried Dan’s boxes one at a time into Blake’s apartment. The three were stacked one atop the other, the letters on top of them. Em stared at her thumb, at the moon ring that had been there since Dan bought it for her calling her his moon on dark nights. She couldn’t bear to take off the three necklace hanging on her chest, but this she had to leave behind. She wasn’t his moon, and he was too bright to be her sun.

She slipped it off and rubbed her finger against the warm gold, pushing a kiss to it before stepping back. The final thing she needed to do was leave the envelope with her medical power papers and will on Blake’s coffee table before she locked the front door and slipped his keys in his post box. It was done. She was gone.

The tube to Euston was quicker than expected and she joined the trek to the Liverpool train, settling into her seat a few minutes before they were due to pull out. Her phone lit up with a notification that the race was about to start, illuminating the photo from lockdown of her and Dan holding Isaac and Isabella. They looked like a family. Em unlocked her phone and pushed her thumb firmly down on the F1 app to delete it. A clean break.

The train pulled off exactly at two, her mind echoing Crofty’s “lights out and away we go”. Dan was in the car and racing and all she wanted was a good points finish for him. But she couldn’t check. She couldn’t let herself find out what he was doing.

Her tears fell harder as the train pulled into Milton Keynes, the memories of the last time she’d done this train journey as Dan’s plus one. His leaving Red Bull party, staying in a hotel with him the week before they flew to Perth for Christmas. It was the only time she’d gotten to visit the impressive Red Bull factory. Meeting Max properly, Christian cornering her with his wife - and keeping her cool around Geri fucking Halliwell - to ask if she could convince Dan to come back. Getting whisked away from Helmut quickly when he tried to speak to her, meeting the mechanics and team that she’d seen at several races properly for once. Yet another place she could never visit again because all she’d think about was Dan.

Em made herself stop crying shortly after, pushing a cold bottle of water to her eyes. She couldn’t be red eyed or puffy seeing her parents. It was bad enough returning with her tail between her legs. She didn’t know if she’d survive the I told you so.

*

When Dan got out of the car in Imola he knew what he had to do. His first stop was being weighed and getting his slip, Mike pushing one of those AG1 drinks into his hand to down to get electrolytes and water back into him. After that it was media rounds, apologising to Carlos, and doing media. Once the debrief was finished it was London. He needed to get to Emmy. For the second time he’d gotten on a plane when he should have been with her and he needed to apologise. Needed to make things right.

“The jet will be ready when we finish? I need to get back to London tonight.” Michael handed him a McLaren branded shirt and pair of skinny jeans to put on once he was out of the shower.

“It’ll be ready. Mate, you need to know that she might not want—“

“She’ll see me. It’s Em. She’s my Emmy. She’s going to see me and I’m going to tell her everything. I can’t do this without her. I can’t. I dunno how I did it before.”

“Ok. Go shower and head out.”

The debrief was painful. Lando on the fucking podium, Dan last. They wrote off his technical debrief after the collision. It was clear Dan couldn’t have done anything, and the rest of his race was nothing to write home about. He should have just retired. It was shit and he just had to listen to how Lando had a flawless race and was extracting the most out of the tractor McLaren had built. He had to wait until it was over, half listening and taking notes while stewing.

All he could think about was Emmy. He hadn’t reached out because he thought she needed space, wanted time. He’d had the fucking ring in his pocket in the hotel room and then they’d fought and he couldn’t exactly get on one knee and ask her to marry him after that. But now she was gone and she’d been gone for weeks and he didn’t know. He needed her to be ok. He needed to go home and see her on the couch and beg for her forgiveness because he was hers. His apartment was so fucking lonely, driving in and out of the factory without seeing her. Without going to sleep curled up beside her and waking up with the fairy lights glowing as she read whatever dog eared book she was rereading that month.

The voicemails were being listened to. Her inbox went from full to empty and he kept texting, determined to get through to her. Needing her to talk to him. To say anything at all. People kept asking where she was, he laughed it off and gave the excuse of family stuff. Natalie had nodded and said she hoped Em would be back soon. Chloe had looked at him oddly when she heard the excuse but he shrugged and moved on. The elder Stroll could be terrifying and he didn’t want to get on her bad side. Not even Scotty could save him from that.

There was nothing he could do but wait to be freed. The moment they were able to break - after Dan apologised to the mechanics for the job they’d have to do on the car - he was on his way to the driver room. Blake and Michael were already there with bags packed and ready to go.

It was a two hour flight to London and they landed at nine. After forcing their way through traffic in a black cab it was after nine thirty by the time they arrived at Blake and Em’s building. Dan stepped out of the car and grabbed his bags, heading straight upstairs to the two identical doors. He didn’t realise when it became more normal to stand in front of Em’s door than Blakes, but it had years before. He knocked twice to no response.

“Em? I’ve got my key, I’m coming in.”

The lock turned easily with the familiar key and Dan set his bags down to flick the light switch. What he saw terrified him.

The room was empty. The couch that killed his back, the coffee table his shins hated, gone. The bookshelves and the kitchen table they’d spent a lockdown day building, gone. Her helmet collection was missing. Em had once told him that if the building went on fire she would save whichever helmets she could. If they were gone, she was gone.

He ran to her bedroom but everything was missing. The fairy lights they’d taped up with double sided tape. Her bed. The throw cushions he laughed about. Even the case at the bottom of her wardrobe with the lingerie he’d bought her was gone. Her pink boots weren't there. It was like nobody had lived there for years. He couldn’t even smell her perfume in the air.

“Dan?” He hadn’t realised tears were streaming down his face when he turned to see his best mates standing in the doorway. “Mate, you need to see this.”

He followed them back to Blakes, pausing to lock Emmy’s front door. She had to come back. The idea that she wouldn’t come back was impossible.

Until he saw the boxes.

Three of them, neatly stacked almost up to Blake’s chest. There were three envelopes on them, and a glint of gold on top of one. He nearly ran to it, ignoring the post race soreness going through his body to see the ring he’d given her sitting on top of the one neatly labelled Daniel.

She’d used his first name. Emmy never used his first name unless something was wrong. He’d fucked up so badly that he didn’t want to open it.

Instead he held the ring firmly in his palm, the metal cold against his hand. She was there. She had been there and now she was gone and he didn’t know what to do. But instead he followed what Blake and Michael had done and opened his letter.

It was how impersonal it was that killed him. Em was done. She’d be fine. Thanking him for bringing her around the world and letting her work with him. She didn’t want another fight and she thought he was done with her.

She didn’t love him like he loved her and for a brief moment that made him want to die. The moments they’d shared, the times they’d said they loved each other. The times he’d held her and traced I love you down her back or against her clit when he was eating her out, desperate for her to know but too afraid to say it. The 'y’know, right?'. Everything from the last nearly four years. None of it had ever mattered because she wouldn’t have married him. He had her ring in his fucking ever present backpack and thank God he hadn’t tried to propose because she’d have said no and he’d have been humiliated.

“I guess you were right. Buying the ring was a mistake.”

His choked voice broke the silence, but it was Michael who got the next sentence in, cutting off Blake’s question about the ring.

“Mate, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“She doesn’t love me like I love her. I was wrong. I just got my heart broken so please, don’t rub it in right now?”

“Did you read any of what she wrote?”

“Yeah. She’s done. She thanked me for letting her travel with us. Like she didn’t earn her place. She signed it Emma. I was wrong, ok? I was wrong and I can’t take you rubbing it the fuck in when I think Im gonna break.”

“What happened? Because the two of you were fine in Bahrain, and then after Saudi she disappeared and skipped Perth, and she was barely in Melbourne. What happened with you?” Blake was the one who asked, Dan flopping on the couch beside him. He held out his much shorter letter for them to read.

“Things were weird when we got back after Christmas. Then we had covid and got through it. And Saudi fucking happened. With everything going on and keeping her safe I didn’t see her till after the race and she was already leaving. And in Melbourne we… We had a fight.” The memories of what he’d said were circling again, the anger between them, Em telling him to leave again. Him walking away.

“We thought that much. You didn’t even hug her goodbye.”

“She told me to leave!”

“In self preservation.” Michael’s voice was low and Dan was almost afraid of his best friend. “She said she didn’t want to make us choose between you and her, that she knew we’d pick you. So she left. I have to tell your fucking family she’s gone, by the way. She asked me to. So you’re going to tell me everything that’s happened between the two of you and we’re going to fix this. What the fuck did you do?”

He wanted to be annoyed that he was being blamed but he couldn’t blame the boys. So he let everything out.

He told them about wanting to kiss her in Blake’s that first night, of Monaco and their agreement that it was over once she left Monaco. Coffee and Silverstone and her birthday drinks. Spa and I love you when they were faced with the reality of what could happen with his job again. Em begging him to never leave her behind, that no matter what he wouldn’t leave her alone. Her dick of an ex who’d destroyed her self-esteem and meant she lost her friends. The meaning of 'Y’know, right?', the phrase that had been their mantra since 2019. That he hadn’t slept with anyone else since he’d met her because he just knew she was supposed to be his. That he’d bought the ring when they spent Christmas 2020 together but was just waiting for the right moment. And then in Saudi she’d been sobbing and he sent her away. He made Blake take her away from him. From them. He’d broken his fucking promise and again in Australia he walked away when he should have stayed in that room.

She’d picked the fight. She’d picked it so she’d be left alone and leave and the realisation of how well she fucking knew him hurt so much. She knew him like the palm of her hand and for a minute he forgot about it.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve known just how shit her family is for longer than any of us, and I’m the only one who’s actually met them. She asked for exactly one thing from you which was don’t leave her alone. And in Saudi, one of the countries she’s most scared of being away from us for any length of time, you made her go back to the hotel and stay there on her own. She begged you to stay and was sobbing and you left her to cry when she asked you to stay? I could fucking punch you right now.” He nodded at Michael’s words, shame filling every cell in his body.

“You made us leave her alone.” Blake spoke and Dan thought he was going to be sick. “In Melbourne. The morning of the race. 'Em’s going with my parents. She wants family time.' She didn’t know she was going with them, did she? Why?”

“She… I… No. We weren’t ok. I didn’t know if I could be in the car with her. Not after that night.”

“What happened?”

“I… Fuck. She kept the door between our rooms locked that whole week. But Saturday night it wasn’t locked. I had a habit of just trying it, just in case. It was open and I went in. I just lay down on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep for a while before falling asleep. I left before she woke up. She didn’t know, she was asleep the whole time.”

“You think our Ems was asleep for a full night before a fucking race? Are you an idiot? Did you get brain damage in that crash today? She doesn’t fucking sleep! You slept in the same bed as her for four fucking years and you don't know that? She’s into me for melatonin every damn night because she can’t sleep worrying about you. She was awake that entire night and you left her without saying a goddamn word and then you abandoned her again. Again, Dan. Don’t tell me you did something stupid and cheated on her like her fucking ex.”

“I never cheated. I haven’t touched another woman.” The thought made him sick. “I’m not that asshole. You know I’m not.”

“I don’t mean to be funny Dan. She lived beside me for nearly five years. She’s my friend. And now her apartment is for rent, your shit is here, and she’s told us all goodbye and to give messages to the people she loves. So you might not have cheated on her, but you broke her. It took us four years to help Em feel like herself again and put her pieces back together and you broke her.” Blake was opening another envelope mixed in with the post on his coffee table that Em had left in as he spoke, eyes widening slightly. Before he could get the words out Michael had to.

“You’re telling your family, by the way.” His voice was solid, a way Dan had never heard before. “She asked me to tell them but I can’t. I can’t break those kids hearts and tell them their auntie Emmy loves them forever but she can’t see them again. I can’t tell your sister that she’s lost a sister, and I can’t tell your parents that you ran off the woman they want you to marry. That the woman your mum teaches family recipes to had to leave, because you fucked up that much. You know she’s their second daughter, right? Even before whatever the fuck you’ve been doing started they adored her. From Monaco. Em’s lost the only decent mother she’s ever had because of you. She didn’t want to make us choose but if she was here right now I’d choose her over you any day.”

“If you think she doesn’t love you, read this.” Blake held out a package of papers, Dan skimming them.

Everyone in his line of work was familiar with leaving a will behind. The fucking academies basically demanded it at this point. He’d put Emmy on his own medical power of attorney form after Spa, told her what he was leaving her when she was ready for that conversation after Roman nearly died in Bahrain. 

But Emma wasn't racing cars every weekend, so she didn't need the papers she signed. She didn't need to leave a will behind, but his name was there to make decisions for Em. She’d left him specific things. The cold fear snaked up his spine, tightening around his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

“She wouldn’t. She won’t do anything stupid. It’s Em, she wouldn’t.” The words came out as a rush but certain. She wouldn’t hurt herself. God, he couldn’t live with himself if she did.

“It’s probably just a precaution. But Jesus Christ, Dan. She’s gone. We have no idea where she is, we don’t even know what country she’s in. We don’t know what kind of head start she has and with the amount of frequent flier miles she has she could be anywhere. We can probably cross off here and Australia, but that doesn’t take away much.” 

“I need to leave.” Dan turned to see Michael pick up his bag. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk. I’ll email you workout plans. She’s my fucking sister, Dan. She’s my little sister and I trusted you knew what you were doing with her. She said goodbye to me and I didn’t even know. You… I can’t look at you right now. I’m this close to quitting too because I don’t know you anymore. The Dan I grew up with? He would have said something. He wouldn’t make the woman he kept saying he was going to make his wife run away. He wouldn’t make her feel unloved. Just work out what you’re going to do. I’ll be on the plane to Miami but I don’t know if I’ll see you before then.” Dan watched as his oldest friend, the man he’d known since primary school, who’d supported him through thick and thin, walked out of the apartment into the London night.

“She’s gone. She’s really gone and she’s not coming back. I… I have to find her, Blake. I can’t do this without her.”

“You need to work out what you’re doing. You need to tell your family she’s gone. You need to do your job. We’re all hurting right now and yeah your heart is breaking. But its my job to do tough love and tell you that you need to work first and then think about her.” He stared at Blake in shock. “I’m pissed. But work first. Em somehow managed to take everything off my plate when she was leaving, because she didn’t want to make things hard on me. Go home, Dan. I have to call Chloe Stroll and tell her Em’s not coming back.”

“Not yet. Please. Let me f—“

“I’m telling her. You can hide it from the media, from your family, whatever. Chloe is Em’s best friend outside us. Do you really think she hasn’t tried calling Em already? Really?” Dan nodded once. “Go home. Your place, not the empty apartment next door you called home. Go home and get your shit together. Em would kill you if you fucked up a race over her.”

Dan got an Uber on his phone, taking his bags downstairs along with his letter from Em. He slipped the moon ring onto his little finger, settling it just above the sun. He needed her back. He just didn’t know how to find her.

[deathsbestgirl]

okay. writing about why never again should come before leonard betts is actually hard. because it's really just a few small moments in leonard betts make more sense if they're after never again, and it's so much better to go to memento mori right after the reveal at the end of leonard betts.

never again ends with silence. mulder cutting off his sentence. if it were going to happen, it would be then. but it doesn't, and so the silence persists.

leonard betts has a similar feel to arcadia, where they're trying to get on the same page, slip back into their roles. mulder uses humor at crazy moments, and scully pretends not to think it's funny and stays focused on the case.

in the end, she sits alone in the car in silence. waiting for mulder. he tells her she did a good job, she should proud. a verbal validation he doesn't often give, something she craves & loves, a little taste of something she wanted from him in never again. and she can't enjoy it because she's terrified. scully believes leonard betts and she just wants to go home.

it really strikes me the way there's no physical comfort. in paper hearts, scully was fierce. she tried so hard for mulder and failed. but in the end, he leans into her, they hug, she pets his head. in never again there was no comfort either. mulder was petty and he didn't understand. this time he's kinder when she was attacked, but there's a physical distance that isn't typical.

then in memento mori, she calls only mulder. scully tells him so tenderly. she has no idea what to do, and she know what this will do to mulder. he's with her when they go to skinner so they can officially open a case on it & investigate. when she doesn't explain it to skinner, mulder steps in for her. he tries so hard to be strong when they both know he isn't. but scully is being forced to face something she's left buried. now she can't.

in the hospital, she calls mulder to ask him to bring her stuff & call her mom. she writes letter after letter to mulder. begging forgiveness, telling him she'll only get through this because she knows he's out there, following his own path.

but their path is the same. he will follow her to her death.

they have never been as physically affectionate as they are in memento mori and the reduxes.

in elegy, she sees the ghosts, an omen of her impending death. when she finally tells mulder, he's hurt. he wants to be there for her. in demons, he believes she's dying and that he can't save her, and they both deserve answers. he doesn't want to live without her, he can't keep on his search for the truth without her. but he also won't ask her to follow him into this and he only calls her when he can't remember what happened, there's blood & he's in shock. she knows his suicidal tendencies, it's exactly what has her so worried. who will be there for him when she's gone?

mulder + scully know exactly what they have. scully will give him everything she has, even when it's only her dignity so that he won't rot in prison for something he had to do. mulder will follow her to end of the earth, to the grace without any hesitation.

small potatoes is so painful because of the unspoken agreement not to address their feelings. "mulder" shows up at scully's apartment, and she gives in. she's soaking up the attention she's always wanted from him. they don't kiss, she doesn't move to bridge the gap, she just waits. and then the real mulder comes crashing in and the pain is face is clearly visible. he knew exactly where van blundht was going. it wasn't even a question.

mulder isn't heartbroken that van blundht had a chance with scully and he doesn't, he's heartbroken because they chose silence and now she has a deadly cancer.

in detour, scully makes an attempt to open the door and mulder flees. he knew what was on her mind, but he still can't take it from her. she can't even be mad, but the silence persists and the gap grows.

there's nothing they won't do for each other, but leaving their feelings unsaid hurts them. to the point scully thinks all she's done is hold him back. and in fight the future, he finally says so many of the things she has desperately needed to hear. and she clings to her skeptic role because it still wasn't quite enough. their kiss was interrupted and they don't bring it up and fowley is present, driving another wedge.

from scully's perspective, mulder didn't trust her in never again, and then she lives it all over again because of diana. he doesn't trust her judgment, reduces it to jealousy because they both know her feelings. and she's still unsure of mulder's because of this, and the ever persistent silence. even after one son, he doesn't accept it. only after amor fati, when he was able to hear diana's thoughts and she consequently dies for helping scully save him, does he understand that scully's right. and once again, gives a beautiful speech. between all of this there's been "you're my one in five billion" and "i love you" and "you saved the world scully" and the hallway/bee scene and they play baseball & flirt. until he says to her, looking into her eyes, that she was his friend, his constant, his touchstone.

scully never hears what he says to diana about her. which could have helped her. but she only saw him holding her hand, clinging to diana's shared beliefs, because he knows her. and like in never again, she feels invisible. she feels useless. she's holding him back.

it isn't until the end of amor fati that the tension breaks. things become lighter when scully feels more secure. when he starts giving her the attention she has always wanted, when he lets her take the lead on cases, when she's allowed to believe sometimes without it turning their world upside down.

it's just a better progression. never again shouldn't be about scully's cancer diagnosis & impending death. it's about her, her patterns, mulder. it's about her struggles with what's expected of her, what she should want and the reality of what she wants & chose. her fear that mulder is an authority, and that she gives him that authority.

[sadiecoocoo]

Attack on Titan Fanfiction - The Sorrows We Drown Chp. 1

Summary - Two years after the Rumbling, the alliance has been going back and forth between Paradis and the rest of the world. On a week off, disaster strikes. People start getting sick, rumored to have caught a plague from the dead bodies still yet to be cleaned on the edges of the Rumbling's reach.

a few days later, titans destroy the new city of Liberio.

Relationships - Reiner Braun/Jean Kirstein, Reiner Braun & Connie Springer, Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer, Reiner Braun & Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer, Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart

Tags - Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Horror, Horror, Blood and Injury, Blood and Gore, Reiner Braun Needs a Hug, Reiner Braun Has Issues, sad Reiner Braun, Protective Jean Kirstein, Soft Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer is a Little Shit, could be reiner/connie/jean, still debating that, Roadtrip, but the violent running from the law kind, Post-Rumbling (Shingeki no Kyojin), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, Minor Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart

Word Count - 2,583

Read on AO3

Notes: This could be seen as Connie/Reiner/Jean but I haven't explicitly tagged that and so far haven't written any intimate scenes between all three of them. honestly Connie is just an oblivious third-wheel during the apocalypse. the title is from the song, Writing on the Wall, by Will Stetson. it's meant to symbolize how Reiner gives himself up to protect others as a way to try and atone, and if you've listened to the Alhaitham version of the song, how Jean wants to help him. this is gonna have a bit of gore, but this chp. is mainly build up, and I do have a few chapters written already so they'll be a few weekly uploads before I catch up to where I've left off (if I don't finish it by then lol) anyways, please enjoy!

Armin hummed along to the slow, yet upbeat tune coming from the radio as he helped make dinner. It wasn’t anything fancy. Really, he hadn’t had much better than the rations from his scout days, even after the world started to heal from the Rumbling.

It had been about two years since then. In that time, Armin and the rest of the Alliance had been going back and forth between Paradis and the rest of the world for peace negotiations.

 Overall, Eldians were being treated better too. There was still some resentment, bigotry didn’t go away that easily, but it was fading as time went on.

Armin and Annie had moved in together recently too. Though both of them had their own duties to take care of, they still spent plenty of time together. Sometimes he was still amazed that he and Annie, of all people, were able to work out a healthy relationship. He cherished it greatly.

The others were all doing well too. Connie, Jean, and Reiner were all living together. They visited often when there weren’t any politics to worry about. Pieck had stayed with her father, but still went with them all on diplomatic missions when needed. 

Levi was healing well, though he was still bound to a wheelchair. The former captain had been staying with Gabi and Falco’s families in another town. He sent the bare minimum of letters, but they all knew he cared.

Mikasa was the only one Armin wasn’t entirely sure about how she was doing. Last time they saw each other, she had grown out her hair again, and seemed to have permanently given up being a soldier. She still had a gloomy aura around, and he doubted that would go away any time soon.

As Armin was cutting up some potatoes, there was a loud crash outside. He jumped, and accidentally cut his finger in the process. The knife clattered to the floor in his moment of panic.

“Shit,” he muttered, grabbing a cloth and placing it on his bleeding finger. He leant over to pick up the knife, then placed it in the sink to wash later.

Armin went over to the window after the crash was followed by yelling. He let out a sigh, hoping it was just another incident of road rage. There hadn’t been cars that survived the rumbling, and the roads were mangled still, but some people managed to afford one of the vehicles left.

Peering out the window, he discovered that it was indeed a small car accident. He couldn’t tell if anyone was hurt from his view, and debated for a moment going outside to check on things. He lived on the second-story of an apartment complex, so he at least got a decent bird's-eye-view.

There was muffled yelling as one man got out of his car and started towards the other. Armin was starting to get the feeling that he might be needed to break up a fight, given how the man seemed to stalk towards the car with his arms waving wildly.

He stepped away and headed towards the door. Armin left the bloodied cloth on the counter, first checking to see if his finger had stopped bleeding. It wasn’t hurting and had already scabbed over, so he figured it would be fine. He guessed he hadn’t cut too deep, despite the amount of blood at first.

Grabbing his coat, he swung it around his shoulders and walked briskly through the halls. It was a dingy place, really, with stains on the walls and wet patches on the carpet from leaking pipes. A majority of the rooms were the same story, though Armin and Annie had managed to get fairly lucky.

After rushing down the steps and heading through the small lobby, Armin opened the front door to the outside world. For a moment the change in lighting made him squint, but he quickly adjusted. It was a nice day, despite the small car crash currently in front of his apartment building.

“Hey, is everyone okay?” He yelled over to the man.

Armin jogged over to the other vehicle. The first man was standing in front of the open door, his shoulders strangely slumped. Armin stopped behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Sir, are you alright-” He stopped as soon as he saw what was happening in the driver’s seat of the vehicle.

Armin urgently pushed the first man out the way, and he backed up obediently. The driver, another man, looked to be in his late twenties to early thirties, was sat convulsing. His mouth was agape; a line of drool went down to his chin, and his eyes were rolled so far back Armin wondered if perhaps he could see his own brain.

“Get a doctor!” Armin yelled urgently, turning towards the bystanders in the streets. “Someone go get a doctor now!” He repeated.

Someone was crying in the backseat, though he hadn’t noticed it before. He rushed to the back of the car and started to pry the door open.

In the backseat there was a little girl bawling her eyes out. Armin tried to shush her gently, to reassure her that everything would be okay. He reached towards her with as calming a smile as he could muster, and she quickly leapt into his embrace. This girl couldn’t have been older than seven.

“Shh, it’ll be okay. We’ll get your Daddy some help, sweetie.” He said, rubbing her back gently. He pulled her out of the vehicle and set her on the ground, where, thankfully, a kind lady knelt down to help look after her.

As he extracted the girl from his arm, his eyes landed on his cut finger. The scab was completely gone. It had only been a few minutes since he had even been cut in the first place. If he really looked close, he thought he could see wisps of something rising from his finger.

Steam.

Doctors are not certain of the cause of the strange new affliction, but hospitals are full of its victims! It is unsure if the sickness is contagious or not, but it is recommended that people stay in their own homes for the time being. If you are experiencing symptoms of great fatigue, chills, nausea, dizziness, or seizures, do not wait to get help!

Jean put down the paper. It landed on the table with a light slap, causing Reiner and Connie to both lift their heads up expectantly. 

They were just trying to have dinner. A nice meal of Butternut Squash Pasta, something only recently shown to Jean and Connie. Sometimes he wondered how Reiner could stand the transition to such shitty food, then he remembered that to Reiner this was probably a meal saved for holidays.

“Something the matter?” Reiner asked with an arched brow. The blonde had recently shaved his beard, having decided after too much teasing from both Connie and Jean that it really did make him look too old for his age.

Without answering, Jean slid the paper over to Reiner. Connie leaned over to read it as well. Jean could only put his head in his hands as he waited for their own reactions.

“There had been a few cases of plague where the cleanup wasn’t as thorough.” Reiner muttered after a moment, almost as though he were speaking to himself.

“Are seizures really symptoms for a plague, though?” Connie asked, his nose scrunched worriedly. Reiner only shrugged.

“How could this have popped up so suddenly? And so quickly?” Jean asked, though he knew none of them would have the answer. Reiner looked at him as if he were sorry he wasn’t all knowing, and Jean suppressed an eye roll. 

He was so tired of Reiner looking sorry all the time. At least now the brute smiled more often.

Jean was starting to feel like he had truly gotten to know Reiner, not the Scout Reiner, or Warrior Reiner, or Titan Reiner, just Reiner. It was honestly refreshing.

 He was a lot more sheepish than anyone would have guessed back in training. When he wasn’t moping around feeling guilty, he was surprisingly sweet too, and most of the time it looked like he didn’t even put any effort into it.

Jean was glad that the three of them had decided to move in together. There was no way he’d be able to survive Connie’s annoying dumbass without someone to suffer through it with, and he would prefer to not live alone.

“Either way,” Reiner started, heaving out a sigh, “There isn’t much we can do about it other than try not to catch it.” He said. The blonde had started pushing his food around on his fork mindlessly.

“Right,” Connie agreed uneasily. Jean felt bad just brushing it off like that, but they all knew, logically, plagues weren’t something that veteran soldiers and peace ambassadors could fix.

The rest of their dinner went on in relative silence. Eventually Connie started to talk about what all he saw at the ever-growing market. It seemed like every day a new part of Liberio was being rebuilt. It felt like it was in such little time too.

Once they’re all done eating, Jean takes it upon himself to clean up the kitchen. They had all fallen into a strange routine, somehow wordlessly. Connie would go to the market and get whatever they needed; sometimes they’d talk about it beforehand and sometimes the numbskull would just grab whatever for them to experiment with. Reiner would cook most often, he had a strange talent for it, despite his lack of experience. Finally, Jean would clean everything up. Of course, none of this was set in stone, it just happened naturally half the time.

Once, Reiner had gotten sick with a light fever. Both Connie and Jean were paranoid that they’d catch it, so they decided to try making something simple. It may or may not have ended with small fire, and them being banned from the kitchen unless they were preparing war rations.

Either way, they all helped around. It was a fair solution, and still gave them all plenty of time to do their own thing later, even if they had gotten a ton of paperwork to do.

Jean had picked up art again in his free time. Connie really just did whatever he was in the mood for, which was usually either annoying one of them or getting them to play some card game. He had noticed that Reiner read a lot, and occasionally saw him writing down a few things in a small journal.

Once, Jean had peeked over the blonde’s shoulder. The journal had been filled with neat cursive handwriting in what he assumed to be the Marleyan written language. He could only make out every few words, the written language was still a pain to memorize.

“Do you think we should check on Peick?” Jean asked over his shoulder as he worked on scrubbing up an annoying piece of gunk off one of the plates. “Y’know since her dad is already sick?” he added.

“Nah, don’t wanna risk giving it to them.” Reiner answered. “I’ll send a quick letter, though.” he decided. 

Jean hummed to himself and went back to work.

Several hours later, long past midnight, Jean had woken up in the night with a parched throat that he couldn’t ignore. He dragged himself out of bed and slunk through the short hallway and into the kitchen again.

He poured himself a small glass of water and chugged it. He finished with a soft sigh. Jena filled the cup again and took it with him back to his bedroom.

As he was passing the bathroom, however, he heard the telltale sound of someone dry heaving. He groaned internally at the obstacle between him and going back to sleep, but knocked lightly on the door anyway.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked through the door. His voice sounded a bit deeper from sleep.

There was a sputtering cough behind the door, and Jean fought the urge to just barge in. at the lack of whinging, Jean guessed Reiner was the unfortunate soul to be getting sick.

“‘M fine!” the blonde finally answered. Though, by the way his voice shook, and the declaration was quickly followed by more coughing and dry heaving, Jean sincerely doubted that he was fine.

“You decent?” Jean asked. He was soon answered by a very pathetic sounding affirmation.

Jean quietly opened the door to see the sad sight of Reiner leaning over the toilet and fighting to not throw up. Jean shut the door behind him as he moved to the sink and turned on the water. He threw a washcloth in the sink as it ran.

After the water felt somewhat warm, he wrung out the washcloth. Jean moved to kneel down next to Riener.

He placed the warm washcloth on Reiner’s nape, trying to soothe the nausea. He rubbed Reiner’s back as well, tracing calming circles and smoothing out wrinkles in the fabric.

“Food bad, or are you getting sick?” He asked after a minute or two of relative silence.

“‘M hoping it’s the food.” Reiner answered, turning his head up ever so slightly to look at Jean. The bags under his eyes seemed impossibly darker, and Jean felt a pang of worry tighten in his chest.

His still sleep-addled mind finally remembered the damn paper. If Reiner had somehow caught the plague going around, they were all screwed. The blonde had explained that his titan would mostly keep him from being sick along with healing injuries, so his immune system was shot. Jean didn’t want to know what this new plague looked like on someone who could barely handle more than a cold.

“Yeah,” Jean mumbled in response. He continued to rub Reiner’s back, and at some point the brute had leaned into his half embrace. His head was resting on Jean’s shoulder now.

“Think you can go back to bed?” Jean asked softly. Reiner hummed a quiet affirmative in response.

It wasn’t long before Jean had helped Reiner up and gotten him to his room. Reiner staggered over to his bed and plopped face first into his pillow. He let out a groan as he reached his hand back and flung the blanket over himself haphazardly.

Jean could help the breathy laugh that escaped him. Reiner never complained about anything until he got sick, then the entire world had to know of his suffering.

Jean moved to readjust the blanket, pulling it over Reiner’s shoulders. The younger man then sat down on the edge of the bed and patted Reiner’s head playfully. The blonde leaned ever so slightly into the touch.

“If you still feel bad in the morning we should get you to a doctor.” Jean suggested softly. He knew Reiner wasn’t particularly fond of hospitals, but if there was the possibility of him having caught the plague, he would have to ignore his discomfort.

“Whatever.” Reiner mumbled into his pillow, almost quiet enough for Jean to not hear it. He lifted his hand and gave the smallest of waves, “see you in the morning.”

Jean let out another soft laugh as he patted Reiner’s head again and got up. He closed the door to Reiner’s room softly before heading back to his own room.

As he laid down on his bed, he couldn’t ignore the knot of worry worming itself in his gut.

End Notes: yay I set up some exposition!!! and gave you guys a soft moment between Reiner and Jean and also showed them living a nice and happy life… it'll TOTALLY last anyways, gore in the next chapter <3

lmk if anyone would like to be tagged in the next chapter, I'd be happy to do it!

Chp. 2

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #79: Harry Potter, but make it Petunia Evans

I once asked my mother If you could travel into any fictional world, which would it be? and she unhesitatingly answered Harry Potter. While there's much to be said about the HP universe, it's not exactly a world I'd want to live in, and so I spent the last several months figuring out how, if I were to write an HP SI, would I do it, and eventually came up with this.

Or: What if the SI were to replace Petunia Evans as a young girl?

Just imagine it:

Rather than a true self-insert, I see this as more of modern muggle meets the British Wizarding World, with a middle-aged HP fan waking up in the body of 5-year-old Petunia Evans following a minor illness. The keyword here is fan - or rather, a critical fan - who enjoyed the books but is not unaware of their problems, be they with they author or the text - and particularly the way that, as one gets older, the less benevolent Dumbledore seems.

Once the SI has resigned herself to waking up in the body of Petunia Josephine Evans (two wars, puberty, and all of the 80s to live through again!), she realizes very quickly there is very little she can do to change the events of the first Wizarding War. All she can do is try to live the best life possible and provide a better life for young Harry Potter when he eventually shows up in her care.

(Starting with choosing to go by a short form of her middle name, Jo, instead of Petunia, as she thinks she might stab the next adult who tries to call her Pet after less than a week in her new life.)

Jo does this in number of ways - mainly by taking advantage of once having been a middle-aged woman with an engineering background and breezing through her education. Having been born only 18 months before Lily, Jo is 12-and-a-half when Lily gets her Hogwarts letter in January 1971 and studying for her A-levels and preparing to go to Oxford in the fall.

Unlike canon Petunia, Jo has no desire to go to Hogwarts - not only does she know exactly what the professor who comes to introduce Lily to the Wizarding World isn't telling her overawed parents, but she's never been close with her sister. Or any of her family. She's tried - she really has - but the Evans family had a clear favorite long before Lily ever learned of her magic. (Jo knows her parents' wedding date, precisely five months before she was born, and thinks that explains much of their feelings towards her; and the way her father in particular is taken with magic makes her think he might be a second-generation squib over the moon to see magic return to his line.)

While Lily is studying magic, Jo attends Oxford. By age 16 she has a BA and MA in Medieval History - specializing in the history of science (Think Diana Bishop in A Discovery of Witches). She gets herself emancipated the same year and starts in on her doctoral studies.

Once a week, she'll slip into the magical section of the university library system and pick up some back copies of The Daily Prophet, just to keep abreast of all the things Lily never tells their parents.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans die in a car crash in late 1977, when Jo is 19 and Lily has just started her Seventh Year. Lily doesn't come home for the funeral, which Jo is left to plan all by herself. As Lily is not yet an adult in the muggle world, her care is left to Jo for the last few months, but when she finally gets a reply to her letters it's all don't pretend you care now, you abandoned us the first chance you got and you were always jealous of my magic anyway. This is the last Jo will ever hear from her sister, not getting so much as a birth announcement for little Harry.

By Halloween 1981, Jo has earned her doctorate in Medieval History and is working as an associate professor at the university. The pay is terrible, but she has all the insurance money from the Evans and some healthy investments based off her knowledge of her original world, enough for her to buy a small house near the college.

She stays up all Halloween night, waiting.

Harry Potter never arrives.

Jo spends all of 1 November fretting over what she might have changed to change this and falls asleep early, exhausted. When she wakes on the morning of 2 November, she finds her 15-month-old nephew on her doorstep.

And here's where things truly start to change.

That first week, Jo reaches out to a friend in the muggle child welfare department she may have originally cultivated for just this reason, explaining that her estranged sister's son has just appeared on her doorstep without any documentation other than a letter saying that his family has been killed and Harry's care falls to her.

Once the emergency paperwork has been filed on the muggle side, she girds her loins and heads to Gringotts. The goblins aren't the friendliest beings around, but they are fastidious. Jo has the muggle paperwork and a mildly threatening letter from Dumbledore stating she is to be Harry Potter's guardian, and so she gains control of the Potter financials and another layer of paperwork to back up her claim.

From there, a trip to a Wizarding lawyer to 1) file everything with the Ministry and 2) keep her underage nephew's name out of the papers is all she needs to finalize things. It may be overkill, but she's taking no chances when it comes to Dumbledore and his greater good.

And then she settles down into the business of raising Harry.

Jo is not the maternal type, but she manages to be a fairly decent parent nonetheless. Besides, Harry is a happy, easygoing baby, eager to explore his new home even if he doesn't quite understand why his parents had to go away.

So it's a surprise when, nearly a year into the endeavor, an auror and a representative from Wizarding child services arrives at her door. (Apparently her paperwork was all that was needed to remind the wizarding world that they had a duty of care to a magical orphan, no matter how famous, and the last year has been spent in legal battles where Dumbledore tried to suppress all knowledge of Harry's whereabouts and various others tried to attain that knowledge for various reasons, none of which anyone bothered to inform Harry's muggle guardian about.)

Regardless of the exact reasons for the delay, the visit goes well, and Jo ends up inviting the auror - Kingsley Shaklebolt - to return and tell Harry about his parents and the Wizarding world as he grows up, as she certainly can't tell him anything.

Harry's childhood is a montage of exactly what you'd imagine growing up in the care of an Oxford don would be. Kingsley is his most regular visitor, but with a Wizarding section to the college he eventually is introduced to others and their children for the occasional playdate. He's happy and healthy and a little more bookish than canon - a Ravenclaw with Gryffindor tendencies - and never quite forgets his aunts early lessons that critical thinking should be applied to everything, be it textbooks or news reports or children's books.

Harry's Hogwarts years pass exactly as one might expect when a child with an active and motivated guardian is placed repeatedly in danger. Particularly when that guardian is close friends with an auror who continues to pay weekly visits even after her charge leaves for boarding school.

Dumbledore is placed on suspension on allegations of child endangerment following the events of First Year, meaning Lucius Malfoy never feels the need to drop the Diary into Ginny's cauldron to cause trouble for the Light. He makes it out of the legal proceedings with all his titles, but with more than a little egg on his face. Part of the settlement involves increased security at Hogwarts - and changes to the ward scheme mean both Sirius and Wormtail are found shortly after the start of Third Year, given trials, and dealt with accordingly.

Sirius tries to gain custody of Harry immediately, but Jo refuses to even let him near the boy until he's gotten some of the mental help he so clearly needs after so much time with the Dementors.

Jo absolutely puts her foot down for the Triwizard Tournament, which Harry manages to get out of with her help, but he still ends up kidnapped at the end of the year while everyone is too busy watching the Third Task to notice. Voldemort is resurrected with help of Barty Crouch Jr - but because Crouch failed to check Harry for emergency portkeys, is able to escape as soon as his bindings are cut. He's dropped, covered in blood, straight into the middle of the Auror Offices.... which helps a lot of people to believe someone at least tried to resurrect Voldy, even if very few believe he succeeded and it's not an imposter running around.

With the Wizarding World aware there's someone running around calling himself Voldemort, even if very few believe it's the original, events of Fifth Year are vastly different. Dumbledore tries to pull most of his HBP tricks - the lessons, Slughorn, Snape taking over DADA - but they fail, largely because of that critical thinking thing Jo hammered into Harry as he was growing up. He passes along everything he's learned to Jo and Kingsley - the latter who, with some nudging from Jo, puts together Horcruxes and mobilizes the parts of the Ministry he can trust.

Sixth Year is largely Kingsley and co tracking down and destroying Horcruxes while Voldemort rages war across the Wizarding World. It goes so well he makes an open play for the Ministry at the end of the year - only to be killed by Kingsley during the battle, the last of his Horcruxes having been destroyed without his knowledge not long beforehand.

Kingsley is hailed as the new savior of the Wizarding World - a position Harry gladly abdicates - and is very quickly installed as the new Minister of Magic.

Harry goes on to graduate Hogwarts, gain a Mastery in Alchemy, and make several advancements in medical fields that earn him an Order of Merlin in his own right.

As for Jo? Well, she continues teaching at Oxford, eventually gaining a full professorship and writing several well-received books popularizing the History of Science. She never marries, but by the middle of Harry's third year is more or less living openly with Kingsley. They end up having one child together - very much a surprise, as Jo was convinced it was early onset menopause until the fifth month - born May 2, 1998, whom they name Elizabeth Evans-Shaklebolt. There are many in this Ministry who take umbrage at their Minister's ongoing affair with a muggle, but oddly enough its Kingsley's openness about his relationship with leads to an easing of tensions between the purebloods and muggleborns on the theory if a muggle is good enough for the minister, there must be something to them. Things are still far from perfect in the British Wizarding World by the time he retires, but the political situation is less tense than it's been since before the First World War.

Bonuses include: 1) A slow-burn friends to lovers arc for Jo and Kingsley that surprises both of them, with their friendship developing over the years as he visits Harry and not switching gears to romance until Kingsley continues to visit Jo's little house in Oxford after Harry goes off to Hogwarts (and realizes those visits were never just about Harry.) Theirs is not a grand, fated romance, but sneaks up on them like a sunrise after a long, dark night, and settles quite quickly into domestic bliss; 2) The Evans family being portrayed as not evil or intentionally cruel so much as personal circumstances led to Mr. and Mrs. Evans playing favorites with their children, and Lily internalizing herself as the "good" child and Jo as the "bad" one, deserving of scorn, regardless of her actions. For Lily, this was helped along by her childhood friendship with Snape, where she internalized the magic good, muggles jealous of magic, and the political situation at Hogwarts, where it became Light magic good, Dark wizards bad, everyone else in need of our guidance. It's a very black-and-white view and she might possibly have grown out of it in time, but she was never given the chance. (Or she might have played favorites with her own children, as her parents had done with her). She, like James, was far from perfect; and 3) Harry portrayed as a Gryffindor-leaning Ravenclaw who is friendly across all houses but who occasionally runs into trouble for not being Gryffindor enough for those who grew up hearing his story and a bit off-putting to children his own age after spending so much time around adults growing up. He grows out of the latter in time - though, as with Hermione in canon, there are growing pains - but not the former - which leads him to go after the stone in his first year in the first place. He should always be a little disappointed there's not more to Hogwarts and should always keep one foot in the Muggle world, earning Chemistry degrees to go along with his Alchemy Mastery. This too works to popularize Wizards getting advanced muggle education, which paves the way in time for greater advancements in the Wizarding World.

And that is all I have - admittedly light on Harry's Hogwarts years, but then again my issue with HP SI is that I, personally, would not want to attend Hogwarts. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you ever do anything with it.

Other SIs: Lysa Arryn | Petunia Evans | Princess of Dol Amroth

More Terrible Fic Ideas

[buckrecs]

2022 Bucky Barnes Fic Rec 8

All of them are COMPLETE Series.

masterlist | req masterlist

✨ - fav fics

status - Completed

1. The Winter Ghost by @msmarvelwrites

Bucky x Reader

A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

2. A Moment of Your Time by @stevesbestgirl

Mob!Bucky x Reader

A soulmate AU where the headstrong reader realizes that she’s meant to love the brutal mob boss of New York City, James Buchanan Barnes. She doesn’t want to be a part of organized crime and she doesn’t want to rely on anyone, but how do you ignore your soulmate?

3. Gunslinger by @ghostofskywalker

Mob!Bucky x Bounty Hunter!Reader

The bitter reality was this: you did what you had to do to survive. And if that meant going head to head with the most feared mob boss of the city, so be it.

4. Code Words by @cinebration

Bucky x Mutant!Reader

Bucky crosses paths with someone who reminds him of his time as the Winter Soldier.

5. Bring Him Back by @tokoyamisstuff

Bucky x Enhanced!Reader

The Winter Soldier gets triggered and you are the only one who’s able to calm him down. You soon realize that even this part of your boyfriend can be soft and caring…

6. Scars by @tokoyamisstuff ✨

Bucky x Reader

Based on the Soulmate Prompt where whatever you write on your skin, it appears on your Soulmate’s.  

7. lost and found by @dolcezzasfantasy

TVA Agent!Bucky x 40s!Reader

you are arrested for crimes against the sacred timeline, but there is much more to the tva than you could have ever thought possible.

8. Shameless by @unabashedcandymaker

Bucky x Reader

Filled with Angst, just wanna get that out in the open before you start this endeavor.  But it’s also got a lot of smutty goodness, so…tread lightly? Like, mostly smut. Bucky has some serious self-worth issues and Reader is always there for Bucky, in any way he may need her, even if her selflessness is bordering on the line of torturing herself to take care of him, to be anything and everything he needs.

9. You Saved Me by @buckywintersoldierbarnes2017

Bucky x Pregnant!Reader

You find Bucky after the events of ‘Winter Soldier’ have taken place and you help to re-introduce him to the world. Over time you become close and you enter into a relationship. Everything is perfect but on the day you find out you are pregnant with his child Steve Rogers turns up and everything changed.

10. Run Away With Your Footsteps | 2 by @lowkeybxrnes

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

After the events of The Winter Soldier, the reader (an avenger) goes out to find Bucky for Steve. When she finds him, he has his own apartment and trying to live a normal life. He begs her not to tell the captain. She stays to watch over him and they kind of fall in love. Later, Steve finally finds them looking angry because she went MIA.

11. Flowers Bloom by @revengingbarnes

Bucky x Reader Soulmate AU

Whenever someone is injured, flowers bloom on their soulmate at the area of the wound. She is born with flowers around her entire left shoulder.

12. Stepping Up by @i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend ✨

Bucky x Reader

When Steve can’t go with you to your cousin’s wedding, he sends Bucky in his place. What happens when more than one person assume you’re dating?

13. Cuddles & Cocoa by @sparklefics

Bucky x Reader College AU

"I take it you’re here cause you read my letter." & "I'm sitting here, with this stupid pen in my hand, and damn I can't believe you have me writing right now."

14. Not The Time by @notimetoblog

Bucky x Doctor!Reader

After not seeing Bucky Barnes in what felt like forever you find yourself with him in the middle of a chaotic situation. Definitely not the time to reminisce about your past with him.

15. Bucky’s Bistro Dates by @wonderlandmind4 ✨

Bucky x Reader

A Bistro owner is witness to Bucky Barnes bad dates.

16. Premonitions by @beckzorz

Bucky x Reader

On Halloween, your clairvoyant niece leads you straight into Bucky Barnes. It could not have gone worse.

16-2. Premonitions 2 by @/beckzorz

Bucky x Reader

It’s been over a year since you met Bucky, and you couldn’t be happier. If only you could figure out why your precognitive niece is burying you in abstract crayon art…

17. No More Sex! by @alphaabucky

Bucky x Reader

and Bucky have a petty little argument, making you frustrated and ending the argument completely saying “fine! Fine! You know what? No physical contact! No nothing for… for 2 months!!”. For the first week it got hard, but then he started playing cruel, teasing games; and you being you can’t help but play a game of your own.

18. What Happens in Vegas by @bionic-buckyb

Bucky x Reader Modern AU

AU Drab Series.

19. Better by @captainscanadian ✨

Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader

Dr. James Barnes has it all: a loving family, caring best friends, and a successful career as one of the best heart surgeons in New York. He has everything he ever wanted his whole life… well, almost everything. One thing he never thought he could ever have was Y/N Y/L/N. She may have been a lot of things, but he loved her because she made him better.

20. Forgotten Love by @thundering-barnes

Bucky x Hydra!Reader

You’re new to the Avengers. In joining the team, there’s a lot that no one yet knows about you. And there’s some unusual tension between you and a certain brunet. Under a pseudonym and with completely fresh start, and background, you hope for a chance at a new life. A better life. But how long will it last before someone figures out the life you’ve hidden away?

21. A Benched Bucky 2 3 4 by @dabblinginmarvel

Bucky x Reader

Due to her health conditions, Bucky is very protective over the girlfriend his team doesn’t know about.

22. All Those Who Wander by @avengerofyourheart

Bucky x Reader Travel AU

After a traumatic injury and honorable discharge from the military, Bucky Barnes finds himself wanting to travel and get lost in some of the most iconic cities of the world. One night he stumbles upon a girl who sparks something inside him and he finds himself following in her footsteps. How far will he go to find her and what will he discover about himself along the way?

23. Some Sunny Day by @tricksters-captain

TFATWS!Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.  

24. detectives-in-love by @real-jane

Detective!Bucky x Reader

detective barnes and his partner are the star team at precinct 75. one threat could tear it all apart.

25. Birth of a team by @writingsoftheloser

Bucky x Agent!Reader

When a threat arises into Shield, (Y/n) is called on the case. What happens when she is flanked by none other than Sergeant Barnes?

26. Under Pastel Skies by @redgillan ✨

Writer!Bucky x Artist!Reader

Bucky doesn’t need anyone, especially not a sugar baby. He isn’t that desperate... but she smiles so sweetly and she's endearingly awkward, and he’s so lonely. She’s an artist, a painter, the type of person who always puts others before herself. Throwing caution to the wind Bucky offers her a place to live, a place where she can finally paint whatever her heart desires. He doesn’t need much in return; a friend, a muse.

27. Mr Hollywood by @buckybabybaby

Actor!Bucky x Teacher!Reader

Bucky Barnes, an underpaid teaching assistant in a small English village, dreams of a movie career back in his home country of America. He finally gets the break he’s always wanted, and if it wasn’t for you, his best friend, he wouldn’t have been able to take it.

28. Memories by @the-bau-quinjet

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

You were captured by Hydra. What did they do to your memories?

29. Careful Soldier by @wxntersoldiers

40s!Bucky x Reader

bucky is off to war but someone catches his eye just before he leaves

30. Live Wild by @redgillan

Detective!Bucky x Reader

Reader and her friends are in a store when a group of men come to rob the place. Reader finds a hiding place and call the police. Detective James Barnes will help her through this terrifying situation.  

31. Save Me by @espinosaurusrexex ✨

Bucky x Reader College AU

Bucky Barnes has never had it easy, which ultimately turned him into a caveman-like introvert with no desire to see the positive side of life. But what happens when the clumsily charming art student, Y/N, stumbles to his rescue, determined to show Bucky how truly wonderful the world is?

32. i’d never hurt you | 2 by @sunflowersteves

Bucky x Civilian!Reader

you met Bucky in the markets in Bucharest and start dating. What happens when Captain America and the Falcon show up?

33. Unknown Caller by @sagechanoafterdark

Bucky x Reader

You should always answer an Unknown Caller, you never know when it’s important. After a late morning call puts you back on a path you’d long strayed from, you find yourself caught up in old feelings for James Barnes.

34. Summer Plans by @notimetoblog ✨

Bucky x Reader Modern AU

Planning a trip with Bucky takes a turn when someone new comes into his life. Will it all change or can you still manage to have the perfect summer you planned?

35. To Make A Soldier Blush by @justreadingfics

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

You’re a new avenger and you have your own mission to accomplish: making Bucky Barnes blush everytime you see him.

36. Run To You by @bestofbucky

Mob!Bucky x Bodyguard!Reader

Mob boss Bucky Barnes hires you to be his bodyguard.

37. the warmth of winter by @captainsimagines

DBF!Bucky x Reader

You’re home for the holidays after landing your dream job. When your dad’s old army friend stops by for the month, he makes waves immediately. Your little vacation is disrupted… for better or for worse? Nobody has to know.

37-2. the warmth of the future by @/captainsimagines

It’s been two years since you fell in love with Bucky Barnes, and the holidays are just around the corner. With even more love, more friends, and more family in attendance, you and Bucky fully intend to enjoy these days with as little drama as possible. But that’s not always the case with a relationship like yours, is it?

38. Roses by @wlntrsldler

Bucky x Reader

Bucky tells Y/N he’s the Winter Soldier. The next day, he’s taken by the government and that’s the last Y/N sees of him… until they cross paths again. But what if Bucky doesn’t remember her?

39. i hate you but by @buckybarnesthehotshot ✨

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

bucky and y/n can’t stand each other, but y/n needs help with her sister’s kids (enemies to lovers au)

40. Words And Paper by @forever-rogue

Bucky x Lawyer!Reader

Y/N is a brilliant young lawyer who was hired by Tony Stark  himself. She didn’t expect half of the things that would happened, but  she was sure glad Bucky happened.  

[oxfordsnotr0gues]

My list of silly little headcanons for my favourite idiot character’s

The captain:

- Alison found a portable dvd player for him and puts on Blackadder goes forth

- he says his favourite book is about the War but secretly it’s the Narnia books

- he also loves the Narnia movies

- he wanted to become a teacher before he found his love for the army

- cried while watching War horse

- favourite Christmas song for him is can you stop the Calvary and last Christmas

- he’s autistic

Gabriel from bill

- after the events of the film Gabriel became a famous performer with the Shakespeare company and even got to play the leading ladies

- still writes letters back home to Spain but only Juan replies back

- Gabriel also is a teacher to the young actors who are starting out with Shakespeare

- favourite Shakespeare play is a Midnight summers dream

Lady B:

- before her Christmas episode came out I headcanoned that she was the youngest of six. She had five brothers but they all died one by one till the only way Fanny could help her family was to marry well.

- her brothers names (plus how they died) were William/Willy (died of cholera), Fredrick/Freddy (died fighting in the army), Andrew/Andy (died due to bad health), George/Georgie (died in a car crash) and Edward/Eddy (died with George).

- secretly loves to watch Loose Women especially after when Mary left

- her, Cap, kitty and Humphrey listen to podcasts in the living room

- if she could change her life she would have become a professor at a university teaching advanced mathematics. She teaches Alison some maths skills to help her and to help teach baby cooper

Negatus:

- he dyes his hair (he’s actually blonde but dyes it)

- his birthday is April 1st

- he collects artefacts from Earth mainly Records, vintage band shirts, guitars and gaming consoles like a DS

- got a new dog after s3, a husky called Scrathy too but people call him Scrathy Doo

- the scar on his head is a birthmark

- he’s autistic too

- his mom is his favourite parent

Ho Tan:

- has an Art studio

- loves sewing in her studio and loves to fix the other’s clothing

- her, Vex and Flowers are great cooks

- makes thankival jumpers for everyone

- has a pet bird called Belle

[katsuizu-stuff]

I have had a bkdk fanfic idea for the longest time but I’m way to lazy to write it even though I think it’s personally good to me anyway, I just want to see someone’s reaction to the ending of the bkdk fanfic I’ve had for so long…

So the ending is basically this, Deku runs to the church he enters at the perfect time where the priest is saying ‘if you think this couple shouldn’t marry speak now or forever hold your peace’ and Deku is in the way back by the entrance he’s crying because Katsuki, the guy he’s always had a crush on and loves, is going to marry Kirishima. Deku opens his mouth ready to say ‘Kacchan don’t do this I love you’ but Deku can’t bring himself to say it because he see how happy Kirishima and Katsuki are and Todoroki ends up noticing Deku and he is silently telling Deku to say ‘ I object’ but Deku covers his mouth tears streaming down his face and Katsuki notices Todoroki looking at something he slowly follows his gaze and notices Deku crying and when they lock eyes Deku turns around and starts running out of the church and Katsuki runs after him calling his name

And then there’s a loud crash people gasping and Katsuki being a pro hero runs to the scene and he see Deku on the road covered in blood not showing any signs of movement. Katsuki stand there horrified at the scene but he snaps out of it when he hears the sirens of cop cars and an ambulance

Katsuki pushes by the crowd of people and he tells a cop that he knows Deku and they let him through and when he kneels by Deku’s side he ask the paramedic if Deku is alive and breathing and she silently shakes her head ‘No’ and covers Deku up and both paramedics carry Deku to the ambulance. Bakugo sits in the middle of the road frozen at the fact that Deku is no longer alive. Eventually after a few seconds a tap is on his shoulder it snaps Bakugo back to life and a cop is holding a white envelope with ‘Katsuki Bakugo’ on it 

Katsuki takes it and opens it up and what the letter basically says is how Deku has feelings for him, a couple of small enjoyable fun memories Deku remember when they were kids, how happy Deku was that he reconnected with him even for just three weeks, how happy Deku is for him that he finally found someone he truly loves and would spend the rest of his life with, but most importantly telling Bakugo how much Deku loved him and how he’s been in love with Bakugo since they were kids

After reading the letter Bakugo crumbles up the letter because Bakugo secretly hoped that Deku would crash his wedding with Kirishima and would be the one to tell him that he was making a massive mistake and at that very moment he would confess to Deku his true feelings but now it can’t happen so he ends up crying his heart out and that’s how the fanfic ends

And that’s basically the ending of my bkdk fanfic I will never write/post

[cassiaallen]

The Jily Wedding post, which includes how I imagine their wedding has looked and what happened to them (and the rest of the marauders) afterwards.

Enjoy!

Jily Wedding

Proposal 31.03.1979

Wedding 31.08.1979

(I tried to attach pictures of the venue, engagement and wedding rings, bridal/maid of honour/bridesmaids dresses, Lily’s hair, the reception, groom/groomsmen/best man’s tuxedos, but tumblr kept messing it up)

After the wedding

-Dorothy & Robert Evans die in a car crash two days later (on their way home) 02.09.1979

-burial in Little Whinging 07.09.1979

-Petunia and Lily each inherit half of the house and money, but Lily leaves it all to Petunia as she (Lily) lives in the Wizarding World

-"honeymoon" late October

-31.10.1979 Sirius organises a Halloween party for the Order (the making of HP+NL)

-Lily finds out she’s pregnant a few days before Christmas

-she tells James by gifting him a onesie that says "I love Daddy"

-last big mission for the Order 08.05.1980

-Voldemort shows up (because Peter started leaking information), Order + Voldemort duel (third defy) [it was meant to be a harmless mission + he finds out Lily is pregnant, making the Potters potential Prophecy subjects]

-15.05.1980 Prophecy

-the Potters as well as the Longbottoms go into hiding

-Harry James Potter is born 31.07.1980

-Death Eater meeting in August informs Voldemort of the birth of the two boys

-by the end of the month he decides Harry is The One™️

-Snape pledge August 1980

-Euphemia + Fleamont visit Jily in September 1980 and meet Harry for the first and only time

-they also give them a baby book

-Jily find out V officially targets their son in October 1980

-E&F become ill with Dragon Pox

-because of his generally bad health, F dies 28.10.1980 and E dies 30.10.1980 largely because of heartbreak

-funeral 01.11.1980 (the last time Jily leave the house/they have the whole Order to protect them for this - the reason this is the last time is because they are marked people and the Order has other things to do and can’t always have everyone take care of them)

-Fidelius Charm (with Sirius as Secret Keeper)

-family bliss

-horrible vase 🏺 25.12.1980 (they adopt a kitten [Crookshanks])

-the war worsens

-little excursions

-Prewett brothers' death May 1981

-Dumbledore confiscates the Cloak

-Harry’s first birthday 31.07.1981

-McKinnon death 05.08.1981

-Peter visit 08.08.1981

-Letter to Sirius 12.08.1981

-early October 1981 Sirius is on an Order mission with the Bones’ during which they die and Sirius barely survives

-Sirius decides that him being SC is too risky, so he, James, and Lily decide to give the role to Peter

-switch happens 26.10.1981

-Peter thinks about the Betrayal for 3 days

-Peter tells Voldemort about the Potters' whereabouts 29.10.1981

-Voldemort decides to attack them on Halloween because symbolism

-31.10.1981 🖤💔

-Peter-Sirius confrontation 01.11.1981

-Jily funeral 04.11.1981

31.10.1981

-Harry wakes up around 7

-James gets up, changes Harry, puts him in a pumpkin costume and makes breakfast with him for Lily

-they have breakfast at 8:30

-Jily put up a few Halloween decorations

-Sirius comes by for lunch, telling them about the Order in general and Remus' mission in particular

-he leaves in the early afternoon after some Halloween fun and taking a picture of the Potters

-James puts Harry down for a nap

-Lily writes in her diary

-Jily sit on the sofa and talk about the war and other things (including how much they love each other)

-Lily gets Harry, takes him downstairs and they have family play time

-Harry gets fussy, so he and Lily snuggle while James makes dinner

-they have dinner and Harry spits up on his onesie, so Lily cleans him up and already puts his blue pyjamas on

-Jily finish dinner, James goes to the living room with Harry and plays with him for a bit while Lily cleans up (she leaves her wand in the kitchen)

-puffs of coloured smoke

-Lily watches them for a few seconds through the door which is slightly open

-she fully opens the door ("I think I’ll put Harry to bed, James.")

-James kisses Harry on the head and Lily on the lips

-stretching, yawning, wand on sofa

-door bursts open, J runs into the hall ("Lily, take Harry and go! […]")

-V kills J

-Lily screams, V laughs again and goes upstairs

-Lily places as much furniture as possible in front of the door and picks Harry up to give him one final kiss

-V opens door and Lily drops him into the crib ("Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry! […]")

-V kills Lily

-Harry stands up, clutching the bars of his crib

-attempted Harry murder and rebounding curse

-destroyed house and screaming Harry

-Dumbledore finds out about the broken Fidelius Charm because his wand shoots bright sparks and makes a noise

-Dumbledore sends Hagrid to the Potters

-Hagrid encounters Sirius who gives him his motorbike

-D gives H a portkey to his office, so they could talk about what should happen

-D explains to H that Harry needs to stay with Petunia + Vernon

-Harry stays in Hogwarts overnight, mainly to check if he’s ok

01.11.1981

-D moves Jily's bodies and provisionally seals the Potter Cottage

-Harry stays in D's office with Hagrid + occasionally Madam Pomfrey who checks on him

-McGonagall watches the Dursleys in her animagus form

-D takes care of things all day (Potter and school business) and tells Hagrid to meet him at the Dursleys at ca. 22:00

-when the time comes, Hagrid isn’t sure how to travel, so he takes Harry, wraps him in the blanket and takes the portkey which already took him to D's office the previous day

-he arrives at the Potter Cottage, finds the motorcycle and rides it to the Dursleys

[canon events]

Simultaneously (Sirius POV)

-after Hagrid leaves, he sits down on the stairs and thinks

-he realises Peter’s betrayal and, filled with rage, hatred and grief, decides to go after him

-Sirius finds Peter in a muggle street [S remembers a piece of information about P that leads him there] and starts a fight (verbally) that starts to draw a crowd

-P pretends to be sorry, while secretly taking his wand out

-P loudly accuses Sirius of betraying Jily, casts the Blasting Curse, cuts his finger off, transforms into a rat, and disappears into the sewers

-Sirius starts laughing hysterically in sheer desperation

-aurors appear, Sirius is captured and imprisoned

[wooahaes]

han enemies to lovers ??

ok so i was talking abt this w isa a lot and ive been thinking abt this idea for hours now. camp au where you and han are both camp counselors at a camp you once went to during middle school... and absolutely hated each other then. no one knows what started it, all they know is that u and han are Enemies (who put up w one another for the kids) also i know nothing abt summer camp. play in this sandbox w me-

like. any time ur actually doing ur job? you and jisung get along great... maybe with some slight bickering, but nothing serious. you two play it off well enough that the kids dont catch on and think ur just rly good friends who make playful jabs at each other. theres definitely at least once instance where the two of you are getting heated and chris comes by and both of you are like nope! no problems here! jisung puts an arm around you like haha we are best friends :))) and then you immediately shove him away once chris is gone.

chris has a system in place where the two top counselors of the week get something special for their cabin (and get to take the truck into town for said special thing--sometimes its pizza, sometimes its ice cream, other times its like... special arts n crafts, etc) and literally all of the counselors kinda compete for it so they can get their own shit while they're in town. its usually felix or minho with someone else, and chris eventually sits reader and han down to be like "ok. ur both great w the kids. but i cant give you either of guys top counselor because you fight w each other so often."

which leads to them being on dishwashing duty again and bickering about it bc theyre blaming the other for it. and then you get the idea of "... what if... we just... pretend? i want my snacks and to get my kids origami paper. you want... whatever weird shit you want. chris would just assume we worked through shit." so they end up like. combining group activities for their cabins. switching around so they can be together again.

chris absolutely knows this is a ruse but if it gets them to get along, he'll just watch.

isa mentioned a boat scene where han and reader are in the same boat, watching their campers until they start bickering. it gets heated enough and the boat ends up capsizing, which. apparently han cant really swim? so just imagine reader immediately going to help him calm down since ykno. theyre all wearing life jackets. and the two of you are soaking wet and you get him back to the docks, wrapping a towel around him since the others are out on the lake. idk maybe a lil heart to heart while the two of you are waiting for ur fellow counselors to corral the kids back in.

chris lets u guys win at the end of the week and u both figure out what you wanna do for ur cabins. u settle on having a big ice cream party with all ur kids and teaching them how to make friendship bracelets sometime next week. chris hands the keys to you after he's like "dont. dont crash the car." and its just the two of u getting closer.

maybe... u make each other friendship bracelet? and oh no ur kinda starting to crush on each other.

also full credit to isa but she mentioned something where the kids write each other letters and i think thts cute and its the end of camp when they're writing their final letter to one another. and one of han's kids comes up to hand him one and hes like oh, for me? aw :D and then it turns out that its from reader and the two dont rly talk about it. he just shoves his own letter at them in the dining hall that night before leaving bc dont. dont say anything to him.

and idk. y'all see your kids off before heading back in to pack your own bags and get ready to leave, since ur probs getting a ride from someone else (maybe chris?), and jisung shows up and theres another like. convo abt how they literally hated each other. for like. way too long. and now things have changed between them and jisung asks if maybe they want to go on a date sometime... only for the two of them to kiss as reader says they'd love to.

(in the background someone is paying up bc the moment they overheard 'reader and jisung are going to feign friendship to get counselor of the week', someone else went 'they're gonna be together by the end of summer just u watch' and it became a bet)

[nalanzu]

Weiss Kreuz Episode 16: Schatten

We are REALLY due for a breather after the nonstop frenetic pace of high drama in the last several episodes. What we get is goats in the Swiss (?) mountains and three old people in a castle discussing, in Japanese, how Takatori of the Japanese Division fucked shit up but good as he was unreasonably ambitious. The Japanese Division needs reinforcements and it shall have them.

This show does not know the meaning of the word "pace."

We get Yohji walking arm-in-arm with a pretty woman, with Omi giving us a voiceover asking how he's been doing since Weiss dissolved.There is definitely the sense that some times has passed, although it could be days, weeks or months. It's hard to say with this show and how it treats time. Yohji immediately abandons his date upon seeing a woman with Asuka's face (as you will recall, his dead partner's name was Asuka). After he catches up to her, she takes off her sunglasses and he realizes it's not the same face after all. Despite initial accusations of the new lady - Kyoko - resembling an old friend, Yohji and Kyoko end up on a date. She wants to take him somewhere quiet.

Aya is the next one to get a check-in, as Omi wonders how the beach is treating him. I'm sorry, the words Aya and beach do not belong in the same sentence. I think my brain just glitched.

Omi is distracted from his letter-writing by his classmates discussing a serial kidnapper/murderer who tortures all his pretty young victims and has been stepping up the pace of his crimes. The girls in his class feel unsafe going out alone, which demonstrates once again that the writers are men. Women always feel like this, regardless of stories of serial kidnappers.

In any case, Omi feels the need to point out to Aya that bad shit still happens but since there is no Weiss any more, it's not his job to worry about it. Omi also asks about his sister, who has been transferred to another hospital, and gives him an update on how much Sakura misses him. Which is a lot. Stop trying to write this into a romance, ok, it is creepy AF.

The next morning, a classmate runs into shout that one of the girls in their class was kidnapped. The class dissolves into chaos, as they determine that they can't do anything to help. Omi doesn't like this. He asks for Ken's advice. Ken, who is coaching seven year olds to play soccer, says they're not Weiss and it's not their job, but he does notice someone spying on him from the trees.

Back to Yohji and his date, he can't help but marvel how much Kyoko resembles Asuka. She has vague memories of something like being close to a man like Yohji while Yohji notices there's a car following them to an abandoned cabin in the mountains. What woman goes to an abandoned cabin in the mountains on a first date so help me. Fucking male writers istg. The car has followed them all the way up, by the way, and the male driver stares at them.

After dinner and (presumably) sex, Yohji hangs out on the balcony and is nearly strangled with his own wire by a surviving member of Schreient. They only reason he survives is the stalker flinging a paper airplane at them. Kyoko aka Neu flees and he chases her.

Aya's turn to check in, and we see that his sister has been kidnapped. Her bed has been slashed in the shape of a cross. No blood, though, so presumably she wasn't in it while it was disfigured.

The cycle moves on to Ken, telling his rugrats that yes, they do in fact need to keep practicing. The basics are important, he tells them, and then they nearly get run over by a mack truck crashing past the guard rail. The driver is dead, strangled, and Ken remembers Schoen's whip. He immediately assumes he is the target as the rain begins to fall over his crushed soccer ball. Aw, Ken.

Omi walks through the rain wearing a truly awful brown sleeveless shirt and puffy green shorts while mentally picturing the kidnap victims. He arrives in the flowershop basement only to find everyone else already there in a stunning coincidence. Ken points out that he and Yohji were both attacked, and Yohji came back to pick up his weapon.

Aya refuses to tell anyone else why he's there, and Omi immediately assumes something has happened to his sister or he wouldn't be. Yohji blames Schreient. There is a bit of bickering, interrupted by the stalker from earlier dramatically walking down the stairs and announcing that the dark beasts have taken up a vendetta against Weiss again. Following him is a woman, not Manx, but with the same sense of dramatic business wear.

The Possibly Not A Stalker tells them that a huge worldwide organization is starting to cause problems in Japan. Weiss, perfectly reasonably, wants to know who the fuck he is; his codename is Botan. (The only non-cat codename so far. I feel like I remember him ending up dead.) The lady is Birman.

Apparently Kritiker has been searching for Weiss since Persia's death, because they want to reinstate the group. The kidnappings, Botan and Birman say, are only the start. I say that if Kritiker couldn't find their own damn operatives, I have a number of misgivings regarding their competency as an organization overall. In addition, I have Questions about the timing of all of them appearing in the basement simultaneously. I can buy Botan and Birman having followed Yohji and maybe noticing someone else wander in and maybe waiting to see if the rest of them showed up, but like, all four of them deciding within the same hour to go back to the flowershop? Really? REALLY?

I wish this show would hang a lantern on some of the harder to swallow point points, but it just skates right over them as if the viewer isn't going to notice. To be entirely fair, I may not have noticed many things that are currently bothering me when I watched it the first time. But seriously, Kritiker really couldn't find them? At all? Except Yohji? And now here they all are???

Weiss protests that they're not Weiss any more and this is therefore not their circus and also not their monkeys. Manx appears to tell Weiss that it is in fact their circus and the name of the circus is Estset. She has, by the way, switched out her red suit for a purple one and her ankle socks for thigh-high stockings, but she is STILL WEARING SOCKS WITH SANDALS.

Brief aside, by the way, all of Weiss has switched up their outfits. Omi's crop-top floofy vest and cargo shorts are absolutely awful, as is Ken's forest green bowling shirt with white sleeves and a white collar. Yohji has a perfectly decent tan jacket that I don't think I remember him keeping, while Aya is now in black head to toe. Aya and his sexy v-neck shirt comprise literally the only upgraded look in the room, who approved the rest of these designs.

Manx tells them that Kritiker is trying to figure out WTF is going on with Estset and that they are involved with the kidnappings, with Schreient, and probably also with kidnapping Aya's sister. As he will absolutely do anything that involves his sister, Aya is 100% on board with the idea of a new mission. The rest of them are pretty twitchy about it. It only takes a few seconds for all of them to go for a walk in their assassin outfits (which they were stashing where, exactly?), the other three catching up with Aya.

We've been getting brief flashes of the sort-of-crucified kidnap victims on a stage in what looks like a ritual sacrifice, by the way, and now they are surrounded by masked people in robes with candles talking about the return or summoning of something or other in order to make the pitiful humans pay. Weiss interrupts this sacred ceremony just before the kidnap victims can be set on fire, but the kidnappers have lighters as well as candles and nearly manage to burn their victims to death anyway.

None of those victims are Aya's sister. He does check. Weiss assassinates their targets in true dramatic fashion, still in the rain. Ken desperately wanted to disappear, to leave Weiss behind, by the way, while Yohji is more or less resigned and Omi is almost fervent in his desire to punish the wicked. Aya, as we all know, is composed almost entirely of a ball of obsession and whether or not he's part of a team of assassins is entirely dependent on his sister.

I have some concerns about Omi's mental state, honestly. He is VERY enthusiastic in what the show would like us to think is a frenzy of righteous passion and the pursuit of justice, but I also think that the snap decisions Weiss is used to making have the potential to not be the right decisions. The constant exposure to the apparent failing of the criminal justice system and acting as a tool to rectify that situation also seems emotionally distressing and draining, but Omi is almost happy. Definite cause for concern.

The Get The Band Back Together episode is, honestly, not particularly compelling for me. I felt that it relied heavily on circumstance and coincidence in order to achieve its goals, and neither the episode nor the characters did much work in returning to something resembling the status quo. I didn't hate seeing what the Weiss members were up to when they went back to being their own people, but I also don't think we learned anything about any of the characters.

The most surprising part of that particular interlude was Aya working construction; given that all he knows how to make is flower arrangements and corpses, it's not entirely shocking that he would end up doing what's generally regarded as low-skill manual labor, but I really would have guessed he'd go for something a little more outwardly romantic or dramatic. He's a very melodramatic kind of person. But, of course, he lives purely for his sister, so it tracks that he would do the absolute first thing that would net him income in the general vicinity of the hospital in which she's being treated.

Yohji's dates, Ken's soccer coaching, and Omi's classes don't really tell us anything new about the characters. We're checking in with them to see that they are exactly where we left them, with no growth or development. These segments don't get much room to breathe, either, with the frenetic pace established over the last several episodes not letting up in the slightest as it pushes our protagonists back together.

It occurs to me to wonder, incidentally, what the purpose of having Schreient go after Yohji and Ken was; in the Doylist sense, both men needed an external motivation to return to the flowershop or we don't really have a show (kidnapping Aya's sister did have an actual purpose, as I recall, but that's a plot point for later). In the Watsonian sense, why give these allegedly dangerous men a reason to get the gang back together? Why cause trouble for them when all it's going to do is put them exactly where they're not wanted, namely under Kritiker's control again? Takatori was fucked by his ambition, yes, but also because he pushed Weiss into a corner and they killed him for it. The fuck are you doing, poking the bear?

I also want to know how the hell they got out of the burning building. And then apparently fucked off into the night leaving no trace of themselves behind and no way to be found despite all staying in the general vicinity of where they were to begin with. But mostly, honestly, how they got out of the burning building this time. And last time.

[serotonin-toadin]

Dear High School Best Friend

Before all else, I hope you are doing well. I hope you have found happiness and are safe and loved and finding your way in this crazy, huge, sometimes amazing, sometimes fucked up, world.

I don't know why we parted, even now years down the road I try my hardest to think back on what happened, try to find the why in the memories, but I always come up empty handed. Maybe because you moved. Maybe because our plans to go to vidcon and marry dan and phil failed. Maybe high school ending meant that our friendship was doomed to end as well. It's probably the Dan and Phil thing.

Speaking of Dan and Phil, they're officially out and their gaming channel has been brought back from the dead. I've been watching their new videos and it makes my heart warm but hurt at the same time. There is so much nostalgia in their content, so many happy memories that they bring up (remember our text message fan fiction we wrote? Where I died tragically in a car crash and my husband phil was left to care for our twins and he called them his buggies? My brain remembers the oddest little details I swear...)

Anyway, watching them again had me thinking of you again. I thought about messaging you directly, but that felt like a sad ex-girlfriend reaching out to her lover who has clearly moved on. So instead I throw this letter out into the void of tumblr- which I'm surprised still exists- and wonder if you will ever see it. If you will ever scroll and see it and recognize that it's you I am talking to. Or maybe you read this and have no idea, you probably haven't thought of me in years! Or maybe, either the best or the worst option, you simply scroll by without sparing a second glance.

I don't even know why I'm writing this anymore honestly. Maybe I should try a private journal instead. But I guess I might as well throw this crumpled up piece of paper out into the void of the internet. Let it float around out there forever and maybe, just maybe, it will land on your dashboard one day and a small spark of memory will light within you and you'll remember that tall awkward girl in black boots and a My Chemical Romance jacket- a girl who would draw on her left arm with sharpie everyday, a girl who was your uber to and from school, the girl who you bought chocolate therapy Ben & Jerry's for after she broke up with her first kinda sorta boyfriend.

This has gone on for far too long so I'm going to cut my sleep deprived brain off and spare anyone out there reading this.

Goodbye old friend, but maybe also hello?

[iiotic]

༻༉What letters?

Human! Alastor x reader - (1/2)

TW - an opinion, mentions of toxic parents, racism, toxic relationship, bullying, death, use of Alchocol.

In 1907 your parents decided to move in Louisiana, New Orleans. You were awfully scared of changing schools thinking that you won't make any friends since it's the middle of school year.

You were assigned school uniforms. Blue-ish shirt with white buttons and a black skirt just below your knees. Black tights and white boots. You quite liked it however you thought it was a little stupid that they gave you bright shirts. Of course you will get them dirty.

You soon found yourself troubled to sit with someone at lunch. Everyone seemed like they were having a good time, laughing with others and you just didn't want to interrupt them.

You also took a notice of how people sit. In what groups. Everyone was sitting with the same race as them. Just like in your old school, nothing was different here.

You usually sat alone. Until..

- May i sit here? - A boy your age asked. He had round black glasses and chocolate eyes. - I took notice of you sitting alone at lunch and i was wondering if i could join you?

You quickly recovered from the shook and agreed to his offer. After introducing yourself you found out that the boys name is Alastor. He told you that he had troubled sitting with anyone because he was "mixed" and that no one accepted him the way he is.

Then you realised what your parents told you. They absolutely forbidden you to talking to any other race. Your dad didn't like black people one bit. He thought that they are absolutely useless and shouldn't be accepted in any way. That they shouldn't exist.

However you weren't just going to throw away your first friend in school like that. Deciding to keep it a secret.

You learned that Alastor is actually really smart. He was the top student in his class, getting straight A's. Well except history but you were great with it so you made a deal. You would help Alastor with history and he'd help you with any other subject you had problems with.

You also met Ms. Barbara, Alastors mother. She was a sweet woman, really. She always made the best jambalaya and was really supportive of her son, always wishing the best for him. She grew a liking to you as well.

Thought you did notice the weird looks people would give you at school. You didn't mind.

After a year you developed feelings for Alastor thinking that he's sweet, clever and fun.. And he knows how to cook. But little did you know that he did too. <3

Then it all crashed. Your parents decided to move out of Louisiana. You questioned them why would they even wanted to move in if we were leaving now.

Absolutely devastated you went to see and say your last goodbye to Alastor. You promised him to somehow keep in touch and write a lot of letters.

It didn't work out.

Your father found out about your little friend and the letters you would write every night to update him how has your day been and that you miss him. He gave the letters to your mother so that she could burn them or hide them in the attic so that you and Alastor wouldn't have any kind of communication.

And here you were, sitting in your new room. Waiting, waiting for letters from the boy who you've developed feelings for.. Or has he already forgotten about you?

On your 29th birthday you had an accident. A car crash. You decided to drive extremely drunk after your own party. 2 people in the car with you; your best friend and your younger sister. That day 2 souls came to rest and 1 to suffer in hell.

After you woke up in not your body you absolutely freaked out. Where were you? Where is my younger sister? What time is it? I'm hungry. Were you.. Dead?

Behind your laying body stood the "Happy Hotel" where souls are suppose to get rehabilated. You had no other choice then to go there.

3 knocks could be heard across the main hall suggesting that someone is waiting behind the door. A pretty blonde woman opened the door and seemed extremely excited to see you.

She introduced herself as Charlie, the owner of the hotel and the Princess of hell. Charlie explained that you ended in hell and how things work here. You were absolutely terrified.. What did you that you ended here?

But then it hit you. Your father robbed the store multiple times and didn't get caught. You were suppose to keep it a secret and you did. You should've report it to the police.

Charlie also said that you could stay here for as long as you wish, on 1 condition; you would have to help in any way you can. A free place to stay and a nice owner? Of course you agreed instantly.

When Charlie was walking you to your new room you felt awfully uncomfortable.. Like you were watched. You're terrified at this point 'couse you just realised where you are.

Everything is happening so fast that you don't know what's even going on. But before you could realise anything a men is standing right infront of you.

Staring at you like he has just seen a ghost. Like he was seeing right through you. Looking up at him with fear in your eyes you recognised his eyes.

They weren't even the same colour, they didn't even look alike. However the look in his eyes when he stares at you.

- Why didn't you respond to any of my letters? - you asked. The fear in your eyes slowly turned into sadness and anger.

- what letters?

(A/N) - My apologies the ending is extremely rushed! Just wanted to post something today. 🙏

[travelers-gaming]

:readmore:

His problems start when Annette dies. Maybe he's the one on the phone with her when she crashes, maybe him refusing to use a cell phone is some sort of badly aimed penance at himself. either way, it fucks him up emotionally. he's barely able to care for himself for months, much less his daughter. Part of the reason Taylor was so close to Emma was that they basically lived together for however long, Danny trusted the Barnes family enough to take care of her when he couldn't.

A couple years pass and things settle back to normal, not good but normal, and if he and Taylor barely talk anymore that's fine, she's getting to that age where parents stop being interesting and he's still sad and angry at himself and so it's better if he just bottles all that up so that it doesn't hurt her.

The locker happens and Danny is angrier than he's been in his entire life. for something like that to happen it takes more than just kids being cruel, it means that there's something wrong with the whole school, that the adults are letting this fall through the cracks?! He writes page after page of angry letters but before he can send them the school superintendent shows up for a pity visit and the next thing he knows danny is tearing into him. He doesn’t notice that this is when taylor wakes up but he sees how scared she is when he pauses for a breath and it shocks him back to reality eniugh that he mutters an apology and goes and sits in his car.

He keeps going because he doesn't have any other choice, and yeah taylor is more distant now but she's been through a lot, and everytime danny thinks about the locker he gets angry and that would just make things worse for her. he's not unobservant, he notices how there's more and more flys on the flypaper, more ants in the kitchen and bathroom but he convinces himself that he's just making things up.

when he finally finds out who did this to her he isn't even angry at Emma. well he is, but he's more angry at the school for letting this happen and at Alan for letting his daughter get like this but mostly at himself for trusting the Barneses enough that something like this could happen in the first place. He's a negotiator, he should be able to speak up for his fucking daughter but he gets so angry and he has to focus on bottling it up so much he barely says anything. Taylor doesn't look at him once in the way back.

looking back at it he knows exactly how terrible locking her in the kitchen was, she's her own person and it was a misguided attempt to make her stay in one place long enough for him to think and get himself under control but he's almost glad when he goes back downstairs and she's gone because that means he can't fuck her up more than he already has.

After Leviathan, taylor actually seems more confident. On some level, he knows that she's skitter. She knew Shatterbird was about to sing, she always meets him in Skitter's territory and she's so comfortable walking alone in the post-apocalyptic streets. he ignores that though because it's nice to be able to talk to her again and when they meet for coffee he can pretend things are different.

Then one day he turns on the TV and sees his daughter's face plastered on all of the local channels. they used the school photo from the last year of school, the one where she looks like she's about to collapse into herself.

He sees two giant, impossible creatures writhing and twirling through space

I think that Danny Heberts problems could very easily have turned him into Sphere and eventually Manniquin because like. he objectively fails as a father. and he knows it and it just makes him worse and worse and he tries to pack all of his emotions tighter and tighter