#the length and topic are not issues to me and frankly i think that people who sneer at long runtimes and children's media analysis

[rioblitzle]

yeah i feel like the term "video essay" has become generalised to mean any sort of longform review or discussion youtube content, without a need for a solid thesis or baseline level of analysis at the structural core of the video (having seen the term applied to media reviews, icebergs, tier lists, series recaps etc), and that misclassification can be pretty unfortunate, but i don't think that necessarily means that those video not-quite-essays have an inherent lack of value or passion in them yknow?

[genericpuff]

in reference to the have you read LO poll by god have I tried but god. God...

A vicious cycle. I go okay I really do need to plow through more of it if I'm gonna hang around the ULO reddit, and then I step on the comically placed rake. I can't do a complete skip thing bc I'll be too disorientated on where I'm at in the plot but my brain only tolerates it up until she declares she's missing her dick appointment and like, girl. Please. You committed mass murder (if not genocide) and this is a slap on the wrist considering, let alone that your moms got the worse end of the deal.

Why it's that specific moment idk but the bottom just drops out for me and it's soooo fucking stupid because like, she couldn't have just... bitched about being stuck with hard labor? That's the bitchy shit I'd sort of expect from a privileged nepo baby and even barring the twue wuv story going on it's her actual biggest issue going on right then. What she's presently living out. But yeah no, horny, we gotta establish that she's horny. Okay.

Sorry about the borderline vent over it there's just enough really interesting thoughts mixed up in the pile of flaming garbage to make one go rabid if they stew on it, and you clearly get that given the rewrite. Have a good day.

omg i've had that exact sort of thing happen with me before too tho, not in quite the exact same sense of like, "wanting to take part in a community but struggling to get through the source material it's based on", but there are like, so many webtoons and manga and stories I've tried to read - after being urged to by pals and people who read them - that I've dropped after multiple attempts of trying to read them. And they're not necessarily dumpster fires like LO (though some of them definitely aren't great) it's more like I'm sitting there wondering "when's this gonna get good? when's this gonna be worth all the hype?" Tower of God is the biggest one that comes to mind, I have tried to read that webtoon on SEVERAL occasions and I just can't justify trudging through all those early episodes for it to maybe "get good". And that's not even me saying it's bad, it's just not interesting to me in the slightest. No hate to anyone who likes ToG, I think I've also sorta drifted away from shonen over the years so that's definitely not helping, but I just can't be bothered to try and read that webtoon anymore, I've given it so many attempts and I'm doing lmao Kudos to the creator though because it's a LOT of work to make a webtoon of that length and they should be proud of that.

Back on the topic of LO though, yeah, I was following the comic when that episode was still brand new and it really made us all go 🤨 because of how out-of-pocket it was. And then like an episode (or two?) later she bullied a former classmate of hers from 10 years ago at his job. That was the precedent for Persephone's character that was set for the third season of LO and it's just gotten worse as it's gone on.

Either way, if I'm being honest, you're really not missing much by skipping over the majority of S3 (like, if you made it to the dick appointment episode before giving up then you're already pretty close to the current point in the story). Like I'm not gonna lie, you could easily skip up to the midseason cutoff point because everything leading up to that is just a bunch of nothing. Hades and Persephone get married and it's the most underwhelming scene ever despite it being the moment people had been waiting years for, also they 'adopt' Dionysus but he's barely in the comic except for when Rachel remembers he's a character so you could also get by on minimal details. Oh yeah, and it turns out Demeter had a kid during the 10 year time skip who we see in like two episodes and then proceeds to get fridged forever.

So yeah, as much as I'd recommend people read LO as a sort of "entry ticket" into the crit community surrounding it, S3 is a lot of nothing and you would frankly not miss out on a thing if you skimmed it or skipped the middle portion of it entirely lmao

[ivyblossom]

I have some additions and corrections to add to this.

First off:

"Tell me about yourself."

This is a terrible interview question and I am side-eyeing any hiring manager who asks it. If the hiring manager is a dick, it might be a way to get you to disclose things they can't legally ask you.

Things to never disclose:

your age

your religion (or lack thereof)

your marital status or partner (straight people talk about their spouses at great length and detail in interviews, in my experience)

your living arrangements

your family relationships

Debt or financial situation generally (including student loans)

Your sexuality (sorry, as a lesbian I empathize and see the need for openness and freedom, but if they're asking this question they might be dicks, don't risk it)

whether or not you have children

whether or not you are pregnant, or are trying to get pregnant

any disabilities, health issues, or mental health issues

whether or not you own a car or know how to drive a car, if not relevant to the job

If they aren't assholes trying to get you to disclose information they aren't entitled to and they're asking this question thoughtlessly, what they're doing is trying to break the ice and give you a warm up question, but the answer doesn't really count unless you say something disqualifying, like "I like to edit video from my hidden staff bathroom cams".

Don't reiterate what's on your resume. They have your resume in front of them. If that makes you nervous, say upfront that you're not going to reiterate your resume since they have that already. This question is a request for information about you that makes them feel like they're getting to know you. Like a bio on a social media profile.

They aren't entitled to information about you personally, so I would turn to the non-relevant parts of your history that don't make it to your resume but highlight your skills and qualities, and adds personality to you as a candidate. Stuff like "I'm from X city (only if this isn't a nightmare minefield, it sometimes is), I used to be a competitive diver, I taught myself Python for fun, I have a degree in X, I focused on Xa sub-topic, I volunteer at X Film Festival and I love cinema, I worked at a Starbucks in high school and find that experience surprisingly relevant in almost every job I've had since, and I'm happy to meet you today."

I'd write notes for this kind of mini bio ahead, frankly. That's always going to come in handy for the rest of your life. Mainly what results of these kinds of answers is that you demonstrate that you can manage small talk. It's a stupid question, I wouldn't ask it.

As with an exam, when you get asked a question, answer the question. They want to know about you? Tell them about yourself. On your terms. Just keep it short.

"Why are you interested in this company/position"

The reason they're asking this question is that they want to see if you understand where you are and what the job is. Did you read the job description? Do you look at their website? Did you prepare for this interview?

I can't tell you how many times a candidate will fail to answer this question and will just default to talking how they think they're a good fit for the role without ever giving any indication that they know what the role actually is. I've seen people do this when their skills and experience aren't even close to a match. That might feel safe, but it doesn't help you. They're not asking why they should be interested in you: they want to know what you are interested in this role. So answer that question.

People often think this is a good place to say something like "I hear this is a great workplace!" If it's actually true certainly say so with a specific example of how you've heard it's great, but saying it to sound flattering just lands like a lie. It's enough to say that this kind of work is what you want to do next, and some part of the role is an area you want to grow in. You are demonstrating that you understand what the role is and you know which org you're interviewing with.

I have seen candidates say that they applied for a role because they really want to do X when there is no X in the job whatsoever. Doing X in the job would be not doing the job. This is why this question exists: show the committee that you understand what the job is.

I would always default to talking about what interests in you that particular role rather than the org. It's specific, and it doesn't telegraph that you intend to get into the org and then move around to a different position as soon as you can.

If the role is exactly the same as one you've done before, in the same industry and unit but with a different company, you're going to have to explain why the move. It could just be "ready to try something new/meet new people", but most roles have something different you can point to, so lean on that. You can say that tasks a, b, and c are areas of strength for you with these novel differences (a, b, c). "This is a lot closer to where I live and I'd like to be able to come into the office regularly" is a damn fine reason to jump orgs, and I think most employers would be thrilled to hear if someone is willing to be on site.

If there are brand new tasks in the job description, that's easy: point to those and say, "these are areas I've had limited opportunities with so far, but I've enjoyed this kind of work in the past, and I want to do more of it." These all answer the why question specifically without making you perform a fake dedication to their mission statement.

"What are you looking for in a new position"

I disagree with the advice to answer with what they brag about. This is another attempt to see whether you actually read the job description, and whether you understand the differences between this job and your past experience: presumably you applied for this job because there's something in it you're willing to do for money, so tell them what that is.

Pinpoint pieces of the job description and talk about how that work in particular is something you want to continue to develop your skills in. Is there some supervisory work there? Great: I want to get more supervisory experience. Project management? Working with the public? Or something like, "in my current role I'm limited to working within my own unit, but I can see in this role that there's a requirement to reach beyond that and collaborate with a lot of other units regularly, and I really like that, it sounds it a lot more varied." It's specific, not blowing smoke, and it say something positive about you.

"Tell me about a time when you had a problem with a co-worker"

I could not disagree more with the answer suggested here: "tell me about a time when there was a minor, non-offensive disagreement with co-worker that you resolved quickly in a positive way".

If you answer like that, what I will glean from your answer is that you lack experience facing genuine workplace conflict, or you aren't comfortable acknowledging your mistakes, both of which are red flags.

I saw a candidate once describe a conflict between other staff members where it was pretty clear that the candidate had actually caused the conflict. It would have been a perfect example to share, an A+ answer if she had pointed out that her actions had inadvertently created the conflict, how she stepped in and acknowledged that, apologized, and worked with them to resolve it. But she thought she was just an observer, demonstrating that her judgement and self-awareness were poor.

Stories where someone else is being dick and you were just standing there putting up with it make you look like an asshole and a bad colleague, because you are characterizing a co-worker as an objective dick, demonstrating zero empathy or curiosity for their motives or context. Objective dicks definitely exist, but they aren't great examples for answers like this. Pick something where you thought you were doing something helpful for colleagues you respect, but then your actions had side effects you didn't see coming and caused conflict, and talk about how you how took responsibility for your contribution to the conflict and learned from it.

It might seem counterintuitive, but one of the fastest ways to get people to trust you is to tell them you fucked up. They don't think, "oh, no, here's a person who fucks up!" Everyone fucks up. What they actually think is, "oh, here's a person who recognizes when they fuck up, will tell me about it, and takes responsibility for fixing it. Cool."

"Tell me about the latest project you worked on"

This is a silly question too. I'd offer a short description the latest project and if it's not relevant enough, I'd offer another one to tell them about and let them choose. but that's a good opportunity to talk about a project and point out a thing you learned that you're taking with you. Like, "latest project is X, we learned halfway through that we left out a relevant partner who gave us some feedback that completely changed the project for the better, that was a good reminder to make sure we know who all the relevant partners are and consult thoroughly before getting started on building." "Tell me about a project" is not good interview question guidance, but you can shape it to share that you're a person who is curious, intelligent, and that you are always learning and growing.

Always come prepared with 3 questions for them. Not having questions is a red flag. My personal favourite is confrontational, so use it at your own risk: I ask where they think I would struggle in this role. It gives me an opportunity to address any concerns they have directly. I agree that "what does a typical day look like" is a great question. Common is "what do you like best about working here?" which is non-threatening most of the time.

Go get that job!

[textingaboutprometheus]

Ronan has been steadily reporting on spyware and journalist suppression for the past year. He’s had several major articles and a full-length documentary last summer.

If you aren’t interested in those subjects that’s one thing. Most people are more interested in the Trump reporting, understandably, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. That doesn’t mean he’s been twiddling his thumbs.

And frankly, with a JD, PhD, and Pulitzer before the age of 35, you can hardly call him a slacker even if he is not putting out a groundbreaking news story every 5 minutes.

I don’t think it’s useful to compare his work to LOLI or any Crooked show. They are tasked with putting out a timely, topical, lively show that is aimed towards capturing & keeping the general public’s attention every week. It’s an ENTIRELY different beast. The kind of stuff Ronan does takes months or years and will never be as constantly entertaining.

Ok. Ok. That's very fair. I was just referring to his work on Britney Spears and Pamela Anderson. I want to read his hard-hitting stuff. I liked his cyber security and journalist suppression work. I like his HBO documentaries. I guess I unrealistically wanted him to get involved in silencing some of those right-wing assholes like Ron DeSantis. There has to be dirt there. It's wildly unrealistic, and it's unfair of me to want him to use his influence like that. Wishful thinking.

He's a good journalist. We're the same age so I'm always impressed with his work. Even if I get annoyed with his social media, I still think he's good at his job, and I really do want him more politically involved in issues related to the lgbt community. But he's more interested in reporting crimes than being an activist.

I dunk on the man for a lot of reasons, most of them for his cringe socials, but it won't be for his journalism, for which I believe he's the best out there. You can be bad at social media and be a great reporter. I prefer his nerd gamer and Professor Ronan sides to either his hot celeb or journalist persona, but that's just me.

[bluelichengreenstone]

An Intro to Blue Lichen, Green Stone

I am an adult in my 20s who developed OCD in my early teens. In my late teens I held views typical of many antis and found the proship arguments I saw dismissive and mocking, particularly about what I saw as many antis’ sincere concerns about how fanfiction depicted certain issues. Over time, though, I began to question various aspects of the anti worldview and the norms of anti communities. 

Under the cut for length and blog-typical sensitive topics.

Overall, I think that many people who subscribe to anti beliefs have some sympathetic values, motivations, and goals. Many people with anti views genuinely want to help people avoid real-world harm and want more realistic representation of many issues, e.g. trauma. Some people with anti views had negative and traumatic experiences in fandom communities, which inform their views. I believe that I have a responsibility to grapple with many of the ethical and sociopolitical issues people who subscribe to anti beliefs have raised. 

That said, having reflected on issues related to problematic fanfiction and how anti communities have evolved over a period of years, I don’t believe that the anti subculture is achieving its goals of reducing real-world harm or creating more realistic representation of (for example) traumatized characters. In fact, I have a lot of critiques of how people in anti communities overlook the real world harm of how some people in their subculture think and treat other people; my views of the anti subculture frankly have gotten more negative over time. 

 Above all, I am concerned about how anti ideologies create rationalizations for what I see as social ostracism and harassment, as well as their advocacy for institutional censorship of fiction with ideologically objectionable elements. I recognize that not everyone who subscribes to anti views approves of these things, and I do not blame everyone in that subculture for them. Unfortunately, though, these behaviors are still pervasive and have direct, negative real-world consequences. I also believe that in many anti circles, the prospect of being labeled an apologist for real world harms (or otherwise morally bad) prevents people from criticizing their peers’ beliefs and behaviors, even if they privately disagree. I have talked to people who broadly subscribe to anti views who are concerned about this phenomenon, but do not feel comfortable talking about it publicly.

In my view, this culture of shaming, guilt-tripping, and ostracism discourages critical thinking and encourages people to police their own thoughts and emotions. I know that some antis believe that these punitive behaviors are justified by the harm they prevent, but I disagree with this claim. I believe that the behaviors don’t prevent direct harm, and that they often cause certain kinds of harm to both people involved in anti circles and their ideological opponents. While my recovery from OCD and development of self-compassion remain my responsibility, I ultimately decided that many aspects of anti communities reinforced my OCD symptoms and my feelings of guilt/shame/self-loathing. 

As my sidebar suggests, I made this blog to share analysis and personal narratives about various issues related to scrupulosity/moral OCD, kink, and the ethics of problematic fanfiction, as well as my trajectory towards and away from adopting anti beliefs. I chose this combination of topics not because I feel that it describes every person who holds or once held anti beliefs (most of whom probably do not have OCD or other traits in common with me), but because for me, these were intertwined. You may not identify with my experiences, which is fine.

 I’m also open to discussing these issues with and receiving questions of people from a variety of perspectives (whether they identify as anti, proship, or do not associate themselves with a particular discursive faction), provided we try to treat one another with respect. If I feel someone is being particularly disrespectful towards me or engaging in dog-piling (intentionally or not), I am likely to block them. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt and try to be open to questions about my views.

If you’re triggered or upset by the typical content of discussions related to “anti versus proship” matters, scrupulosity/moral OCD, or non-titillating discussions of kink (including problematic fantasies and how to deal with them in an ethical way), please take into account these topics recur on this blog. I try to content warn for or signpost potentially triggering content, but I want to err on the side of making a space where I feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics without self-censorship. Please curate your own online space.

[theoreticalli]

hm. I've been rolling the Atlantic article that I'm guessing this is referring to (based on the Percy Jackson reference) over in my head for a few days as I do with every Atlantic article that I find to be mostly ridiculous but a bit insightful and I... would like to add some further thoughts about this (under a cut because it's gonna get long)

I'm going to step back from using stupidity as the framework at all because I think the primary flaw with the article was that it was only just beginning to be able to imagine stepping away from seeing the issue of literacy as individual failings of entire groups of students, rather than what such an apparently wide-reaching phenomenon would have to be, which is systemic. it simply does not make sense to believe that all or even most American children would have become "lazier", more incurious, or worse behaved within the past few generations as a result of broad "culture" or "parenting" shifts that just are not all that consistent across the country, and I am deeply critical of any commentary on education that entertains that idea.

the article also had the fatal Atlantic contributor flaw of dropping in a "phones are ruining our attention spans 😱😱😱" scare right at the top of its explanation and then... not going into nearly as much depth on that as it should have. and I think in an era where the prevailing trend on YouTube is 5+ hour video essays and weekly or daily hour-long podcast episodes, Instagram and tiktok have had to repeatedly extend their video and post lengths to accommodate the forms creators want to use, and I am reading a goddamn Atlantic article on my phone... it gets kinda hard to say without elaboration that "the internet" is a leading cause of poor literacy and short attention spans when that damn iCarly essay has like 11 million views and the hbomb plagiarism one has like 8 mil (regardless of how well people are understanding either or the nuances of the points they're trying to make, they are engaging with a long-form piece of analysis and taking it out into the broader culture).

and on the topic of Percy Jackson... I find it deeply goofy that someone who has been teaching literature for 25 years would not consider that 25 years ago, The Lightning Thief hadn't been fucking published yet. the YA renaissance had barely started. teens were only just starting to have books that were targeted to them, and many of the earlier books that take teen life seriously are actually taught in middle and high school English classes, ie Catcher in the Rye or The Outsiders. the author at least brings up the classical context of Percy Jackson, which I appreciate. reading the series early in life set me up for a lifelong fascination with mythology that DID lead me to read a lot of Greek tragedies, if not the full Iliad and Odyssey, as the professors in the article would hope. the books were written by an English teacher as an introduction for his dyslexic, ADHD child to Greek myth, after all. other YA series like the Hunger Games are excellent modern options for English classes too, offering possible connections to other texts on war that may be more difficult for high school students to get through at first but that could later be easier with that touchstone.

which brings us, generally, to the topic of public school curriculum. No Child Left Behind, Common Core, standardized testing, and their focus on excerpts and informational texts are eventually identified as likely the primary culprit of students being unprepared to suddenly be expected to read full books in unfamiliarly older language. frankly, it is wild to bury the lede at all on this point, because mentioning tiktok before the sweeping federal education reform that affected the specific generation being discussed does a disservice to these students and their educators. if students aren't being asked to read Wuthering Heights for school (I never was), it's extremely unlikely that they're going to show up to their first day of English Lit 101 calling it their favorite.

speaking of English Lit 101, if your aim is deep reading, asking students to read 14 books in a semester feels... directly counterproductive to that goal. in a full course load of elite college classes, it's just not humanly possible that the average 18 year old in ANY time period was fully reading and digesting The Iliad in a two week period. granted, that's what the course is for! you do a baseline reading, come into class, and work together to achieve a deeper understanding. but I have a hard time seeing a reduction in material to allow time to dive further into each text as a loss? isn't that the point, to increase attention span, spend longer with the text? you want your students to spend 9 hours per each class on reading and other work, plus potentially work a part or full time job if they don't happen to be privileged enough not to have to, plus have a social life because these are TEENAGERS, and you're shocked they're overwhelmed and would rather doomscroll tiktok lol

the article also partially blames having to integrate newer authors or just. authors outside of the Western Canon™ which. oh god forbid I not have to read Siddhartha. I truly think this is just reason for even intro/summary classes to be built around a coherent thesis of how you're linking the texts you've chosen, not just arguing that we're reading Great Expectations because everyone has to read Great Expectations if they want to be a real Harvard student. there are so many published texts that can be used in a literature course to illustrate all kinds of points, and if you aren't teaching a seminar with a specific focus on a specific author, movement, country, or era, there's just... no reason to bemoan the loss of Crime and Punishment if it's been replaced with, God Forbid, Native Son or another novel that touches on similar themes but won't be daunting for the sheer sake of it (no shade to the complicated Russian novel genre. but if you thought every one of your gen ed students were reading all of a Dostoevsky in their first semester of college in 2004, they were just better at fooling you <3)

okay. all that bullshit from the article aside. the "isn't that problematic?" puriteen critical of my interests crowd is big enough that it, too, cannot just be a function of individual character flaws! if this many people are engaging with thematic complications in text only on the level of "does this contain words that are on the unallowed list" then surely there is, again, a cause beyond "you're fundamentally unserious, incurious, and stupid."

as noted in the Atlantic article, there will always be students that, by virtue of familial circumstances, natural aptitude, extracurricular support, or other factors, will "read insightfully and easily and write beautifully." I was one of these students, and I do not say this to set myself apart or celebrate myself - I say it because, as I developed analytical skills at a relatively linear pace through grade school and undergrad, I was able to witness the classes I was in start over at basics again and again with the expectation that incoming students would have no baseline from which to start. how true this was I don't know, but it meant that the task of deciphering a thesis statement in any text we were writing or reading, a "main idea," was reiterated to the point of losing its second, arguably more important factor: finding the position where one stands in relation to that idea, and arguing it.

this seems to me the main issue for the argument-neutral, content-averse censorship argument. locating the presence of a topic in a text is a red flag, because there was rarely enough time or resources in education to devote to properly picking apart the position of the author relevant to any given topic. on particularly blatant, binary positions, sure, but any position of authorial vs narrative perspective, unreliable narration, outdated framing or language, or complicated, contradictory positions enter the picture and a specific subset will get caught up in the surface narrative - much like the Tyler Durden admirers among us.

and to some extent, high school can only get anyone so far in that literacy! it is the PURPOSE of a college literature or language course to take the next step into dissecting the context, themes, motifs, etc of texts with more going on in them than Percy Jackson. and some people won't go to college, or will struggle with the already underfunded and pedagogically undermined public grade school classes, or will go to Harvard on trust fund money and coast by and still not quite get it and go on to claim they're the first YA novelist to write a feminist Cinderella retelling or something like that. sure, maybe they're responsible for being a little too loud on a subject they really don't have that much area knowledge on, but we're all immersed in so much storytelling media all the time that it's hard not to see why people want to talk about it!

so... that's my very long, unsourced essay on why that particular Atlantic article belied a few broader cultural obsessions that truly make so little sense to focus on at the end of the day, as well as thoughts on how all this thematic illiteracy shit (at least within the US) is in no small part because we have always and recently even more acutely struggled to teach every student how to analyze texts for arguments and multiple meanings. thank you

idk my stance on the whole thing is i don’t think there is an inherent stupidity or lack of worth or danger in the adult who only reads, on the one end of the spectrum, middle grade fantasy novels or, on the other end, Seduced By My Enemies To Lovers Billionaire Daddy Hockey Player booktok smut fare. i think developing a diverse palate of reading tastes, challenging yourself, etc is important but at the end of the day some people just want to, or for whatever reason, are only able to read more simplistic and digestible fare. plus reading fiction is only one way of (shudders) “Consuming Media™️” or exercising your brain more generally, and many of these people are quite probably perfectly intelligent and functioning adults who have just happened to put their “intellectual engagement with the world” stats in a different column. but on the other hand while i don’t think you can make a snap judgement about someone’s intelligence based on what they do or don’t read i DO think you can start to make those judgements based on how they react when this discourse comes up 😳

[xaharadesert]

Immortal MC & Reincarnated LI - Headcanon Pt 2

Arcana Characters (Muriel, Asra, Nadia) x MC

A/N: Part 2 for the lovely @firefly-child! See part 1 for details, it should be the post just before this one! I swear I’ll learn how to make a master post one day :) Nadia’s part turned a bit more introspective than romantic, but honestly, it felt more interesting than simply repeating the same few points about eternal love that I used previously, so I hope you don’t mind!Thank you to everyone who reblogged and left comments on the last post, you’ve all really motivated me! And thank you to everyone who has sent in requests recently, that’s definitely a big boost to my confidence! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammatical mistakes :) requests are open!

TW: mentions of death

💚Muriel💚

You would have to wait for Muriel to settle comfortably into your relationship before telling him about your immortality, but believe me, it would be worth the wait

At this point, he genuinely trusts you, and knows you wouldn’t lie to him (beyond a couple minutes where he thinks you might be trying to prank him)

He’s not entirely certain how to respond to the revelation and situation as a whole, so he simply… accepts it

Although he doesn’t really ask many questions about it, please don’t assume that he’s not interested

He is— but since you waited so long to tell him, he assumes it may be a sensitive topic, and wants to wait for you to open up at your own pace

His favourite tales from your past are the more mundane ones— he likes to hear about different creatures you’ve met, and places you’ve traveled to that no longer exist

But, to be perfectly honest, he would listen to you talk about almost anything if it made you happy

If you try to subtly hint about his past lives, it’ll go completely over his head

He’ll assume they were simply past lovers, unrelated to each other or himself, cherished, but long gone

So when or if you decide to reveal the nature of his own existence to him, he would be even more surprised than when you initially announced you were immortal

But once again, this ultimately leads to acceptance

A part of him is glad that he can be reincarnated by your side in an endless cycle, even if he can’t remember it

It means that the two of you were meant to be together, and that you would support each other come what may

He won’t ask about himself, and frankly, he doesn’t really want to know

Muriel doesn’t feel the need to compare his current self to his past selves, partially because he doesn’t want to feel as though he’s falling short

He still has days where he feels ostracized, like he doesn’t quite fit in with the life he believes you deserve, and the idealistic implication that comes with reincarnation is one he’d rather not taint

💙Asra💙

Shockingly, he wouldn’t believe you right away

You might think that due to his own connections to magic, he would be one of the first people to accept that you’re telling the truth

But he’s never encountered an immortal on the same plane of existence he lives his everyday life on (and the fact that you had died before did nothing to help)

However, his heart tells him that you’re telling the truth, and he already knows you would never lie to him about something so enormous, so, try as he might, he will eventually believe you

Once he comes to terms with it, he thinks it’s amazing— or more specifically, that you’re amazing

He loves to hear you talk about the past; adventures you’ve had, people you’ve met, places you’ve been, and especially magic you’ve learned

Magic is an ever-evolving concept, and although your old knowledge might not apply to the present, he stills enjoys learning about how it evolved (and it doesn’t hurt that your eyes light up whenever you divulge what you believe to be a particularly interesting fact)

Occasionally you mention a significant other from your past, and his heart seems to tug at him with a feeling he can’t quite place

Jealousy? Longing? … Familiarity?

One thing that genuinely bothers Asra is the fact that one day he’ll grow old, and pass on, and you’ll still exist, alone

So when you reveal to him that he’s been by your side almost as long as you’ve been alive, he’s thrilled

He has no issue accepting that he’s a reincarnation of your past lover, simply happy to know that the two of you are genuinely intertwined on a level that can never be touched by death

Asra rests easier at night knowing that nothing could ever truly separate the two of you, even if he was to die

A small, morbid part of his brain questions if his heart will return to him whole in his next life, or if you will continue to share it— and more importantly, how many more times could he split it in half if you were to be the one to pass away again?

For the most part, he doesn’t think about the possibility that you might be the one to die, but the though does occasionally come to him in the dead of night

And now, knowing that the two of you are so integral to each other that you would find him no matter what life he lived, he is fully aware that he would go to horrendous lengths to keep death from pulling you away

But of course, he tries to focus more on the relief he feels that he’ll never have to leave you, and you’ll always find a way back to him

💜Nadia💜

She doesn’t doubt you, even for a moment

You know infinitely more about magic than she does, and she trusts that you wouldn’t lie to her about something so important

With that being said, by announcing your immortality to her, you’ve just opened the floodgates to infinite questions

She wants to know everything about the past, no matter how mundane you may believe it to be

Nadia is a firm believer in the idea that history repeats itself, and she wants to learn from the past so she can help Vesuvia grow into a better future

She’s quick to make connections that even you may have never thought to make, and is clearly pleased with her own ingenuity (as she should be, she’s amazing)

She seems to be enthralled with even the most basic of knowledge you can provide about past civilizations, and makes a point to take as many detailed notes as possible

Questions about even the smallest details are a constant, so best of luck to you if your memory isn’t perfect

She tries to keep quiet if you seem to be particularly emotional about a certain tale, but sometimes she can’t help but ask for clarifications

You might need to gently remind her that you’re her lover, not a specimen

Setting boundaries about these questions is probably a wise choice

Nadia offers you a more official position as an advisor to make up for her work life bleeding into your down time together

It’s fine if you decline, though— the two of you can work out a certain time every day or two for her to ask whatever questions pool in her mind

When you finally reveal to her that she was alive during most of these past events as well, her initial response is frustration

She’s very much annoyed that she can’t remember her past lives, and wishes she could draw on past experiences to better herself in the present

Overall, her questions remain focused on general life and governments of the past, and she rarely asks questions about her past selves

She feels no need to hear about her old exploits, unless they contain something that you feel could be important to her now

Although she never feels the need to compare herself to her past, she does wonder if some part of her lives accumulated into what she currently was

And if that were true, what would she be like in the future?

In love with you, no doubt, as there was no way she could see herself alone, but would she continue to be good?

Would she always be someone in a position of power? Or would she step away from it in her next life, in exchange for more time with you?

To some degree, it soothes her to know that no matter what she does in her lifetime, she can make up for it in the next

[itsclydebitches]

A great example of “RWBY+ can do no wrong” is the whole “Let Penny make her own choices” thing. They keep doing it over and over, yet while watching I never got the idea RWBY+ doing it was bad. They’re never called out, they never regret it, or anything. Ruby takes the scroll from Penny’s hand and answers Ironwood for her, and makes her human without her consent. I get the not killing Penny thing, BUT THAT’S THE ONLY THING THEY DO FOR HER. WTF?!

Yes let's take a hot second to unpack all this.

Now, I'm going to be focusing on late Volume 7 and Volume 8, but in reality this problem started way back during Penny's introduction. Namely, presenting her as a literal tool of the military who has to break the rules set down (go out, have friends, etc.) in order to be her own person. There's a small problem here in the form of making Pietro the shadowy scientist and then changing him into the doting father with no acknowledgement that he a) built Penny with the purpose of being Atlas' tool and b) went along with dictating her actions through that whole run. However, given that Pietro is a minor character we may never even see again, we have a much larger problem in the form of Ruby being entirely disinterested in Penny's plight. Ruby cares about making sure Penny feels real, not that Penny has all the freedoms a real person innately deserves. Admittedly, this is less of an issue back in Volumes 1-3 because RWBY was a less serious show then, Penny was a new friend, and Ruby was the teenager student. But come Volume 7 when our show is questioning the characters' morals, Ruby is an adult now, Ruby has her huntsmen license, and she supposedly has this incredibly strong bond with Penny, it's now a problem that she hears things like "Ironwood doesn't want me to have friends" and just... doesn't seem to care. Or do anything. Or suggest that Penny do something. It's a non-topic. Ruby only becomes interested in Penny's autonomy when that autonomy threatens Ruby's own goals. When Ruby is working for Ironwood, it's totally fine if Penny works for Ironwood too, no matter how she might be being treated. (Though, frankly, I think the show did a terrible job of establishing Ironwood's supposed mistreatment. The no friends rule makes zero sense when Penny is being sent to celebratory parties organized by Ironwood. So that's a whole other issue.) But when Ruby is against Ironwood... well, then Penny needs to be on their side. Of course she'd be on their side. It's presented as inevitable, despite the fact that it very much should not be. But the point is that Ruby cares about keeping Penny away from Ironwood and giving her an illusion of choice only once she is breaking away. Otherwise, Penny's autonomy is not her concern.

So that's where we're starting out which is pretty bad. Already Ruby's status as the contrast to Ironwood is falling flat, but the show admittedly helps smooth things over by giving us such an extreme. Meaning, we learn fairly early on that Ironwood want to hack Penny and take that autonomy away, full stop. Ruby doesn't. Ergo, Ruby is the lesser of two evils here. I can see why so many fans dismiss the scroll scene given its seemingly, comparative insignificance, but it definitely rubbed me the wrong way. Part of that is because Penny never gets to express her own opinions to Ruby. She gets to do it with Winter and, notably, Penny comes to a sort of, 'We can manage both' stance. The dilemma of going after Cinder or saving Winter and fighting Salem or saving the people of Atlas/the Relics are meant to mirror one another and Penny manages to achieve both. She saves Winter and keeps the power out of Cinder's hands too. Then, she's given the one key that controls the latter dilemma: the Maiden powers. So what will Penny decide? How does she view the situation to leave or stay? How will her decision regarding Cinder and Winter impact her decision about Atlas and Mantle?

It doesn't. We have no idea what Penny thinks outside of a 'I'm sad when friends fight' line (which, again, puts a huge damper on the idea that Penny was always Ironwood/the Ace Ops' puppet and should be glad to be rid of them). Penny is brought into Ruby's group and her opinions disappear because Ruby makes all the decisions. Whatever Ruby says goes and THAT'S why the scroll scene is so horrible. Because we just watched Penny deciding for herself what to do about Winter. We just watched Penny deciding to take on the Maiden powers, making herself the most important person in the Kingdom right now. And then Ruby picks her up and all that goes away. Penny is given the chance to decide things again when Ironwood calls and Ruby takes the scroll away, speaking on her behalf. It does not matter whether Penny actually agrees with Ruby's decisions here, the act of not allowing her to make those decisions for herself speaks volumes.

From then on Penny just stops making choices. Ruby is the one who talks her into forgetting about Ironwood and the Ace Ops. Jaune is the one who decides to split the team and Ruby decided they need to get Amity up. Pietro literally takes control of Penny's body to hack into the system. Penny gets cut off from the group due to the Ace Ops and Nora is the one who decides to help. Prior to literally being hacked, she was more of a puppet in their hands than she was with Ironwood because it's in Ironwood's employ that we actually see Penny pushing back: She's going to be friends with Ruby no matter what, she's going to challenge Winter on her views, she's going to take the powers because that's what needs to be done, etc. But that lack of agency is completely overshadowed by Ironwood's hack Penny plan. Everything looks better compared to that, even if what we're left with is pretty awful on its own. Remember, this is the point in the story where Ironwood is fully evil, post-shooting Oscar and the Councilman. The group can do whatever they want at this point and come off looking "heroic," simply by means of not being Ironwood.

The next time Penny makes a decision is when she stands up to Pietro. Note that prior to this everyone talked her into doing something she says she does not want to do: leaving the group to stay on Amity. Pietro suggests it, Ruby justifies it, Weiss says it might be for the best and Blake ends the conversation by saying they need to leave. Penny goes, "I guess we all have to do some things we would rather not." They all make that decision for her. So she goes, fights Cinder, and then Amity starts to fall. Pietro says, "You’re in no condition to do something like this. Even just the temperature out there could--" and Penny counters "It is our only option."

No, it's not. This is Ruby's option. You can very much not send the totally useless message out, supposedly risking your life in the process ("supposedly" because, again, why this is such a danger for Penny when she was just flying outside with Cinder remains a mystery). Penny treats Ruby's plan as something inevitable. They can't fall back after Penny hacked into the Atlas systems, Penny fought off the Ace Ops, Penny defended Amity from another Maiden. She has to go one step further and risk another death because the concept of saying, "Hey, Ruby's plan isn't feasible anymore" is just never on the table. Ruby is in the mansion sitting around while Penny does all the dangerous work to put her plan into action.

So she pushes back against Pietro in a way she NEVER has with Ruby, insisting that this is how she's going to live her life. Even Maria chimes in with a "we need to remember the big picture." (Wait, the potential death of a Maiden and the loss of the key to the vault isn't a part of the big picture?) Pietro is supposedly in the wrong because he cares about Penny, not the war, but if that's such a bad thing... then what does that make this?

We have a whole scene where Penny wants the group to destroy her to (again, supposedly) help them in the war - take her out as a threat - and they give a resounding, 'Fuck that.' Ruby doesn't want to see her friend dead for the sake of this war. Pietro doesn't want to see his daughter dead for the sake of this war. Yet Pietro is the one who is framed as too narrowminded. Penny standing up to Pietro is meant to be celebratory, but Penny giving in to Ruby is meant to be celebratory too.

And then, of course, once it's Jaune with a sword to her throat, Penny's desire to die is honored.

Then, finally, we have the Ambrosius fiasco. I've spoken at length about this already, but suffice to say we never got a scene where Penny expressed a desire to be turned human. As the above scene demonstrates, her desire to risk her life/die is ignored only when it's Ruby making that call. Otherwise, with Pietro and Jaune, Penny's agency is upheld (however horrible the circumstances). Does she want live a life with a flesh body? Does she have any other ideas how they might eradicate the hack? Would she prefer Ruby try to put her into a new android body first? We have no idea! We never see Ruby ask. We never see that Ruby cares beyond what she wants for Penny. They clearly had the time to hash out all these loophole wishes, but we couldn't have gotten a ten second scene where Penny goes, 'I'm cool with this'? Assuming that Penny knows what they plan to do and that she has no reservations prior to waking up with flesh hands doesn't work, not when her character largely revolves around agency and Ruby has not been showing her that particularly well.

Ruby decides that Penny is on their team (scroll scene). Then she decides that Penny will not die (contrast to Jaune and Pietro). Then she decides that Penny will be saved by stripping away a core part of her identity. Penny goes from being hacked to watching that part of herself actually die, glitching out while her friends smile about it. Ruby spent Penny's entire run insisting that she was a person just as she was, but then Ruby is the one to turn around and take that away from Penny, prior to leading her into a battle where she died again, likely because she was now a fragile flesh girl. Ironwood was given the extreme of trying to take Penny over completely, once he went full Bad Guy, but Ruby is the one who made decisions for Penny throughout this run, with Penny given no chance to speak up for herself. Penny, once at Ruby's side, subscribed to the overarching belief that Ruby is always right (fitting in nicely with Ren's arc of learning to stop questioning things). The story didn't even consider giving Penny different opinions, hesitations, anger, or anything that would truly jeopardizes what Ruby wants, because what Ruby wants is, consistently, treated as the only way to go.

[pebblysand]

11 and 15 🥑

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

lmao, yes. so much.

i think i've already written at length about what happened with castles around the time i published chapter 8, so i won't go back on it too much but i assume that if you've read the fic, the topic of controversy will be pretty obvious. i went through many moods with regards to this (self-blame, questioning, self-affirmation, fuck-them-all, etc.), but i think i've now reached a certain level of peace with it. it is not a fic that is for every body. but those who do read it seem to connect with it, which is ultimately what matters to me. it was certainly interesting. i had somewhat anticipated people would have strong reactions (it is sad and disturbing and totally justified) but i hadn't anticipated that the thing they would get so mad about was the "canon-compliance" of it all, which i don't think is actually that interesting, in the grand scheme of things. i had people tell me "you can't say this is canon-compliant, it's not in the books"/"jkr didn't intend this," which ... sure, look 🤷🏻‍♀️. i guess? it's fanfic though, isn't it? it doesn't have to be like the books, does it? idk.

i do think that most of the people who were mad at me for the contents of castles have now left, which means that i don't get as much pushback as i used to. i do 100% stand behind the decision i made to go ahead with exploring the theme of sexual violence in war the way i did, and i absolutely do not regret any of it. i frankly fail to understand why the idea of ginny being sexually abused in DH is so unimaginable to so many people, especially given a) who she was to harry and b) the recurrence of sex as a weapon of war in Literally Every Conflict Ever but at this stage, the fic is trigger-warned, you know? as long as they're not rude about it, i'm more than happy for people to criticise it lol.

another fic of mine that is a bit controversial is the rare firing of wild canons. this one, i understand more. it's a very personal take on harry and ginny's relationship. people seem to either love it or hate it. i definitely like this story, though.

15. How do you think your writing has improved over time?

god, so much. i've been writing for over 15 years now, and i definitely do not write like i did when i was 14 lmao. thank god. even in the last couple years, since i started writing for hp, i think i've improved.

this being said, just like with all things, i think you improve a lot and very quickly at the beginning, but there is a point where you reach a sort of plateau. you have to make peace with the fact that, even if you enjoy this activity, you're not going to progress every day, as much as you used to. it's like learning a language. i guess in the first few years i was learning english, i progressed a lot. now, wordle will, like, teach me the odd new word, every one in a while, lol. i think it can be a bit discouraging sometimes, and i've definitely felt a bit annoyed in the past, that i never seemed to get out of that plateau.

i think one of the ways you can improve as more "experienced" writer is to work with other people. either taking writing classes if that suits you, or getting beta-ed. prompts and challenges can also be a great way to get out of your comfort zone. i won't lie, though, it is a struggle on a day-to-day basis, when you can't see any big improvements. but, when i look at things i wrote back in 2018, they are already quite good, but i can definitely tell the difference.

which, overall, is a pretty nice feeling.

[teawaffles]

The Conspiratorial Bullet: Chapter 2

“Oh my…… I thought this would be nothing more than a war game, but it’s certainly more nerve-wracking than I expected.”

The participants had taken their places, and around five minutes had passed since the game began. Kevin was whispering to Albert beside him as they walked, while pointing the gun he’d received in every direction around him. But in contrast to the jittery man, Albert had the relaxed air of a soldier.

“Certainly, this is a feeling of tension one wouldn’t normally get to experience. In fact, the enemy might just be around that corner.”

“What!? Really?”

Panicked, Kevin’s eyes darted all around them in a fluster. That disproportionate reaction elicited a wry laugh from Albert.

“Although it’s important to be aware of your surroundings, if you’re that stiff, your movements will be slow when it’s time to fight. Please relax a little.”

“I-I see. Yes, you’re right……”

Kevin nodded. Beside him, Albert’s guard was impeccable as he watched the leaves swaying in the slight breeze.

The playing field encompassed the entire forest. That said, as it wasn’t a vast area, there was no danger of getting lost. In addition, there was a little cabin in the woods, used on a daily basis by the gamekeeper who managed the hunting grounds; as they had obtained permission to use it during the game, indoor battles were also an option.

For the purposes of safety, all players were obliged to wear spectacles shaped to resemble goggles, as well as bulletproof vests. The guns they had been issued fell into two categories: revolvers and sniper rifles. As a forfeit, and also to pass the time, eliminated players were tasked to feed pheasant chicks at a game bird nursery a good distance away.

Incidentally, Herder had also wanted to impose a severe punishment in the event a gun was damaged. Foreseeing that this would create needless worry, Moran and the others had swiftly hushed him before the words left his mouth.

Thinking back to the explanation of the rules, Kevin looked at the revolver in his hand.

“In any case, this gun is exquisitely crafted. As it was mentioned earlier that the guns used fake bullets, I imagined it would resemble a toy, but it looks exactly like the real thing.”

“I’m pleased to hear that, though it’s all due to Herder’s exceptional skill. I heard he oversaw the creation of these weapons down to the finest details.”

Kevin looked at the card attached to his gun with string. Written on it was a number 8.

“I see: so this is a measure to prevent the guns from getting lost. But if they are so important, I thought it would be safer to carve the numbers directly onto them.”

“You may be right; in which case, we may’ve caused everyone some inconvenience.”

Albert said that with a slightly apologetic tone, and Kevin waved it off.

“No, no — if anything, it reflects his passion, and I honestly respect that. Even though I work in a different field, I have a lot to learn from him as a professional.”

“Thank you very much. I’m sure Herder would be delighted to hear that,” Albert replied, with sincere joy.

However, in an instant, Kevin’s expression seemed to grow a little darker.

“Still, maybe I shouldn’t have brought Helena here after all. She absolutely insisted on coming, so I relented, but with the guns looking so real, that…… I wonder if it’ll remind her of that incident.”

Albert could sense what he was trying to say.

“For that, I sincerely apologise. This event must seem somewhat inappropriate after what she went through.”

Hearing Albert take his remark so seriously, Kevin tried to explain himself in a fluster.

“N-No, it’s alright, I did not mean it as criticism. Besides, Helena seemed to be especially enjoying herself too.”

“Nonetheless, please allow me to apologise, for it may be the case that she’s simply putting up a strong front.”

At that, Kevin cocked his head in confusion.

“……Then, why did you decide to hold this game?”

Albert’s reply sounded almost as if he was speaking to himself.

“——Because it’s part of our ‘plan’.”

“Huh?”

Unsure of the meaning behind that word, the question fell from his lips before he could stop himself. But Albert did not elaborate further.

The conversation had unwittingly ground to a halt. Just as Kevin was searching for a different topic to talk about, Albert’s sharp gaze landed on a nearby thicket.

“There’s someone there.”

“Huh? Really?”

Bewildered, Kevin looked in the same direction. Then they heard the sound of leaves rustling, and the undergrowth parted to reveal an elderly nobleman.

Seeing the person before them, Albert lowered his gun. A warm smile rose to his face.

“……So it was you, Lord Andy. I thought you were the enemy.” [1]

“Hello, Albert-kun. Just for fun, I thought I’d hide and see how long it took you both to spot me, but it seems you discovered me instantly. As expected of the young, your perceptiveness is incredibly sharp,” he laughed, ruffling his own short white hair. He was also on the same team as Albert and Kevin.

The elderly nobleman was Andy Krueger, whose estate extended across the surrounding lands; he also owned the hunting grounds on which the game was being held. Today’s game had been brought into reality after Albert proposed the idea to him.

For such an important gathering on the social calendar, one would normally be hesitant to transform it into an unorthodox event like this. But Andy had jumped at the offer, and even offered his opinions on the finer points of the game. Because of this generous and broad-minded nature of his, he also had the trust of the other nobles.

At the man’s arrival, for some reason, Kevin sighed in relief.

“Please don’t surprise me like that — unlike Lord Albert, I was frightened half to death.”

“Sorry about that, Kevin-kun. But aren’t you being too timid? Have a little more nerve!”

“I’ll do my best.”

At their friendly banter, Albert seemed curious.

“Are both of you already acquainted?”

“Yes,” Kevin affirmed. “We got to know each other when Helena’s father and I were gaining recognition in London. Ever since that time, the nobility had not looked fondly upon us, and only Lord Andy treated us as equals.”

Kevin looked gratefully at the nobleman as he said this, and Andy clapped his shoulder heartily.

“Those aristocrats are really quite averse to the changing times, it seems. But I have no interest in such dreadful traditions. Even at the gathering earlier, they were keeping their distance and saying such rude things that I had to tell them off. Although I hadn’t seen them in a while, because of that, I didn’t even get a chance to say hello— Ah, apologies.”

“No, it’s fine, Lord Andy. You don’t have to apologise,” Kevin said, waving both hands in the air. “Rather, after hearing that you went to such lengths for a good-for-nothing like me, I’m truly grateful.”

“What’s this? Timid as ever, I see,” Andy barked. “You’re an excellent businessman, so why not act like it?”

Then the elderly nobleman’s expression, which had been cheerful thus far, clouded over just a little.

“Nevertheless, I still feel sorry for your friend. At least, his daughter Helena seems to be doing well…… Have there been no clues even now?”

Kevin’s tone also grew heavy.

“……None at all. Helena believes he’s alive, but personally, I think he’s no longer……”

“He’d suddenly vanished, didn’t he?”

Out of the blue, Albert cut in. The two men were startled, but Albert continued with a somewhat knowing look.

“After the incident at the department store, I became curious, and tried doing some research into it myself. It seems there are various peculiarities about this case. For one, the store Helena’s father opened with Mr Kevin had been a success, but one day, he simply disappeared without warning. On the night he was thought to have disappeared, when he was having dinner at home, a friend testified that nothing had seemed particularly off about him.”

“Moreover, that was the last time I saw him. I never thought it would be the last conversation we’d have together……”

Kevin — the friend who’d testified — said so in a thin voice, the corners of his mouth twitching as if in self-mockery.

“Of course, at first, the police suspected that I had something to do with it. They even went to the trouble of thinking up a motive: that as a co-owner, I would stand to gain all the store’s profits if he were to disappear.”

Thinking back to that false accusation, Kevin’s shoulders drooped. Seeing that, Andy addressed him in a droll voice.

“Come now, you never know — one day he might just come home all of a sudden. I’ve told you before: there’s nothing we can do at present, and on top of that, worrying unnecessarily will only injure your health.”

“……You’re right. Besides, we’re supposed to be having fun right now: if I’m the only one being so grave, I’ll just be putting a damper on things.”

“Exactly, exactly. Well then, let’s get back to the game,” Andy urged, thumping him on the back.

Albert, who had been watching their exchange with a calm gaze, smiled gently.

“Indeed; let us focus on the competition first. By the way, it’s about time for us to get our blood pumping…… I’d like to advance deeper into enemy territory. What say you two?”

At his invitation, Kevin quickly shook his head.

“No no no! Frankly, since the start of the game, my heart’s felt like it’s about to explode! Anything more than this and it’ll stop altogether!”

But the elderly nobleman threw his head back in hearty laughter.

“You young people have so much energy, it’s making me jealous. Kevin-kun, you’ve got to watch and learn as well.”

“No…… When I think about what lies ahead, somehow my legs can’t stop shaking,” Kevin murmured weakly. His legs were indeed trembling pitifully, so much so it wouldn’t be surprising for them to give out any moment now.

Andy sighed, as if astonished.

“It can’t be helped then. Sorry, Albert-kun — it seems he can’t go on. I’d like to say that I’ll go with you in his stead, but…… for some reason, my legs have been hurting for a while now. Despite my high spirits, my years have bested me today,” he laughed wryly, his expression weak.

Albert nodded firmly.

“I understand. Well then, let’s part ways here. I wish you both the best of luck.”

“T-Take care……”

Watching Albert’s brave figure as he walked gallantly into the depths of the forest, Kevin felt ashamed at his own cowardice once again.

Scoreboard

🔹 Blue team: Albert, Jack, Fred, William, Kevin, Andy

🔺 Red team: Moran, Bond, Louis, Helena

Footnotes:

[1] Andy’s title is not formally given in the story, but judging from the amount of land he owns, I think it’s safe to say that he’s a member of the peerage like Albert, and hence should be addressed as “Lord Andy”. (Wikipedia)

[angeloncewas]

I know this is unrelated, but recently Sniff actually commented on r/dwt2 (user is u/Snifferish if you want to search but scrolling through new there's like a post that links to Sniff's comment) she criticises the sub's attitude but she has also given a glimpse of how she as a cc felt during controversies and the thread and people talking about it in the comments are actually really interesting topics to witness. I hope you don't mind seeing it and giving an opinion on it yourself- 💜 anon

is the same anon who sent me the gay Dream copypasta giving me Reddit updates

I saw it when I was lurking earlier ! I think it's an interesting discussion. - I'll put it under a cut for length.

I like Sniff. Don't watch them very often (I say that only as a disclaimer), but generally have had positive opinions and interactions with them from my place on the internet. I don't really like the backbone jokes people make about them either - in the sense that not every amendment is indicative of a weak will. I think as long as their decision to double back/apologize/whatever is truly them, they should be allowed to without it being portrayed as "giving in." I know that we give mcyttwt a lot of shit - I do it more than most in some aspects - but it's not good to have the mentality that they're always wrong (even if it is a sort of boy-who-cried-wolf situation).

I also relate to them. I kept drafting apologies yesterday because I felt like I'd said something wrong - in their conversation with Jawsh I can't confidently say I wouldn't have done the same thing and I definitely have under different circumstances. I feel for Sniff there.

That being said, a couple things about their comment stood out to me:

"A lot of the reason why it’s so difficult to break out of those habits and behaviors is often because of the reinforcement surrounding you."

That makes sense. It's what I've been saying about mcyttwt for months now - there are very few people seriously at fault for the situation and a great many who perpetuate the cycle on accident and end up feeding off of each other. Another thread, cancelled creator, neg trend. They all want to be a part of it because it's what's in front of them and the positive reinforcement they receive validates them and keeps them going.

I just don't understand what "reinforcement" they're referring to here. Like, I do, they're talking about the backbone jokes, but that's such a small subset of what's going on and it's far from the culture they appear to be immersed in (unless I'm misreading the situation). I don't think anyone should be cruel and if those jokes are hurtful then they're not very good jokes and people should stop, but I don't get the correlation between negative feedback and inability to escape.

"when I dealt with criticism and random neg for months on end about things I couldn’t even control, I shut up, and started going whatever flow came my way."

They can't admit that they've given up and then be angry at people when they point out that fact. (I mean they can, they can feel however they'd like, but I don't get it.) I know that it must be incredibly mentally draining to be in the position of these ccs, but how is it the fault of the people who point out the issues with them caving and not the ones that beat them down until they caved? I'm not blaming anyone for being tired of it, I just feel like I'm missing something. Isn't the problem the random neg?

"I just simply think from both sides there needs be adjustment."

In some ways I understand this - I know that sometimes in our judgement of hyper-criticism we wind up ignoring minority concerns entirely and that is a problem - but I feel like saying that disregards how genuinely harmful some of the stuff going on is. The performative activism, the blatant misogyny and people's disregard for it. The actual, no-joke hate mobs that I hate because they make all of us look so fucking shitty, but exist anyway. I don't want to compromise with that and I'm - frankly - not going to. I'm not gonna find a middle-ground with someone who put Eret on their DNI because they're not okay with questions being asked about issues in the queer community. When someone tells me that mistakes aren't to be forgiven - that no one is allowed to grow and change with a straight fucking face - I'm gonna fight them on that with everything because that mindset is a problem. And I know I probably sound exaggerated but I promise that these come from real people I've seen and spoken to; actual events that have gone on.

TLDR: I'm sorry that Sniff's dealt with that kind of backlash for her actions and I hope people are kinder going forward. I do however feel like she's quite deeply immersed in Twitter culture and caught in the push-and-pull between stans. I know that it comes from a place of kindness - wanting to help marginalized communities is extremely commendable - but sometimes, especially on Twitter, they're lying to you. They don't want your help, they just want to drag you around.

That's just my perspective and I could be entirely wrong. I don't mean to judge her decisions as they are obviously hers to make.

[xiverni]

Redemption and “Consequences”

A lot of talk has been had recently as of chapter 284 of both Endeavor and Bakugo’s “redemptions”, and how they seem to be leading up to some grand consequences for their actions, a final karmic retribution of sorts. People often talk about how these two characters have never had to “pay” for their actions, and that they have never had to face any real consequences. 

Of course, this notion is flawed from the surface all the way to the foundation. Not only have these two characters suffered quite a lot throughout their stay in the story, but the very notion that characters have to “face retribution” in order to become redeemed is an odd, troubling, and frankly reactionary idea that should be discarded as childish nonsense. 

To begin with the idea that Bakugo and Endeavor have not suffered due to the consequences of their actions, even a cursory glance at the story can immediately dispel these arguments. Bakugo, due to his abrasive nature and inferiority complex, spent much of the series losing over and over again. From the initial school training arc to the school festival, Bakugo’s flaws have resulted in him failing at his goals, whether they are beating Deku or fighting Todoroki at his full strength. His anger issues and “villainous” outward appearance even led to a terrorist organization kidnapping him, leading to a situation in which Bakugo spent a good length of time wracked in guilt and trauma over his actions, which he believed contributed to All Might’s fall. This all culminates in his failure in the Provisional License Exams, in which Bakugo’s failings again prevent him from reaching his ambitions. 

It is after his second confrontation with Deku that Bakugo’s development starts picking up real speed, with the next arc that centers around him showing that Bakugo is learning that looking down on those weaker than you will only lead to worse outcomes for yourself. Additionally, it is from here that we begin seeing Bakugo both act more cooperatively with his teammates and (occasionally) prioritize saving people over winning. This is shown when he acts as a cooperative unit with his teammates in the Joint Training Arc, and he is seen saving civilians in the Meta Liberation Arc and the Endeavor Internship Arc. 

When it comes to Endeavor, he is a character that is definitely a lot more contentious than Bakugo, for a number of reasons. For one, Bakugo is an “attractive” character to many of those who read this story, thus he is able to get a lot of leeway as compared to other characters. Additionally, he is a literal child, thus he is treated with a lighter moral weight by the “fandom”. The idea that being under the age of 18 somehow makes you less morally responsible for your actions than anyone arbitrary older than that age has always rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, younger people have a less complete and mature perception of the world, thus it is generally fairer to treat them lighter. However, there are countless adults who suffer from the same immaturity problems and developmental issues as young people do. That said, this is a bit of a tangent already.

From the moment All Might retires, Endeavor has already begun suffering for his actions. He has finally reached the position of number one hero... In the worst way possible : by default. The public is at best ambivalent about his position, and his tenure as the head hero has overseen a sharp rise in crime and disorder in society. What’s worse, as soon as Endeavor finally realizes the horrible things he’s done to his family, it becomes apparent that it’s far too little too late, as Natsuo literally can’t bear being in the same room as Endeavor and Shoto is consistently coldly professional to him. Fuyumi and Rei, the two that are more receptive to Endeavor, are a) doing it out a sense of longing for a “true family” and not particularly out of a sentimental attachment for Endeavor as a person or father, and b) in the case of Rei, not even wanting to see Endeavor. Can you imagine the impact of finally growing and learning from your horrific past mistakes, only to find out that these mistakes will never be able to be moved on from? Can you imagine resolving your pride and selfish desires, choosing to leave behind the family you want to rebuild, all so that they can live comfortably and in peace? Endeavor has almost constantly been suffering since the day All Might retired, and even though it absolutely cannot be said that he doesn’t deserve his suffering, it is in fact still suffering that is being dealt to him.

There is also another argument that centers around legal repercussions for actions committed by these characters, which is something that I both concede has not occurred and simultaneously state is literally of no narrative significance. If these were in fact real people in the real world, there would be a compelling argument that Endeavor deserves to serve time in prison for his abusive behavior. However, appropriate legal punishments are not equivalent to self improvement by the method of narrative punishments. How the fuck would a jail sentence improve Endeavor’s moral character any more than it already has improved? For those who are actually making the claim that these characters should have in universe been given legal repercussions for their actions (as well as those who, hilariously, use Endeavor’s lack of legal consequences as proof that the heroes are bad), Endeavor’s actions are literally unknown to the general public. Additionally, bullying among students is pretty standard in Japan, while it is certainly not a good thing. Furthermore, I really don’t see the point in arguing about “physical violence” in terms of characters in a superhero story throwing around explosions like nothing (I am talking about Bakugo’s more abrasive nature, not Endeavor’s actual physical violence against his children, the latter of which is meant narratively to hold actual weight). People in this universe are obviously a lot more durable than people in our universe. Accept that this is a fictional story with unrealistic aspects, and that in order to critically examine it, you need to accept its basic premises at face value without assuming things using the outside world. 

Now to move to my actual argument, I see so many people obsessed with the idea of “bad” characters having to go through some sort of “trial” or “punishment” in order to become redeemed - as if that’s the way people work. While this may come as a surprise to some, bad people are in fact capable of becoming better human beings without experiencing any sort of karmic retribution. In fact, I would say that the resolve to become better, even without some outside force pushing upon you, is a far harder and meaningful journey than one in which you’re simply pummeled and punished into waving a white flag. It reminds me of the trope “defeat means friendship”, in which the protagonists defeat (typically physically) an enemy, thus converting that enemy into an ally or friend of sorts. 

Think about it like this: would you be more willing to forgive someone who committed a terrible crime, served no time in prison for it, but nonetheless learned from their mistakes and genuinely became a better person.... or someone who committed a terrible crime, served decades in prison, and then came out none the wiser to their own actions?

What makes this situation even funnier is that many of the people demanding karmic retribution for these characters’ actions would, in real life, be advocating for justice reforms that lean towards “rehabilitation” rather than “retribution”. In fact, it has pretty much been proven that rehabilitation is almost universally more effective at actually changing the mindsets of people as opposed to retribution. 

In conclusion, the characters people say haven’t been given consequences have been given consequences, and the prison system should be reformed. Tune in next time for more wacky and unexpected topics like societal collapse and the technological decline of human civilization in BNHA. 

[etherealtauruss]

i’m wasting my time (when it was always you)

read on ao3

The air in the room was thick with tension. The men weren’t as close to each other as they usually were. It was weird, to say the least, to sit with such a generous amount of space between them. The silence was uncomfortable as well; it was bordering on eerie at this point. This wasn’t the first time they sat in a noiseless room together, but something about the energy was off. 

On the bright side, Christopher was finally in bed, thanks to Buck and two chapters of his latest Goosebumps book. Eddie had decided it’d be best if they talked about the disagreement they had earlier in the day tomorrow; after both of them had a good night’s rest. If they tried to hash it out tonight, he was sure that they’d just be talking in circles. Both parties needed a clear mind going into the conversation of Eddie jumping back into the dating pool. 

Now, back to the issue at hand. Buck and Eddie were fighting. 

Okay, fighting is an exaggeration, but things were certainly weird between them. Eddie had originally come by to pick up Chris, and he had figured Buck would fill him in on anything he deemed detrimental the following day. But, the look on his best friend’s face said it all. Whatever had happened between the time that Chris arrived at Buck’s house and Eddie coming by to get him, was something they needed to discuss sooner rather than later. 

But seeing said look on Buck’s face made Eddie want to do nothing more than hold him close and assure him that everything would be alright. He had no idea what they had discussed, but the thought of either of the most important people in his life hurting was almost too much to bear. 

Eddie wanted to place soft kisses all over Buck’s body; starting from his nose and ending at the tips of his toes. He wanted to love Buck unapologetically. He wanted to declare his love for the man; shouting it from the rooftop of the tallest building he could locate in Los Angeles. So yeah, there was no denying his feelings for Buck. But to risk losing one of the best friends he’s ever had? To risk ruining the amazing friendship between Buck and Chris? It wasn’t worth it. He had ultimately decided his feelings didn’t matter all that much in the grand scheme of things. 

If only he had the balls to just come out and say it, perhaps he could’ve avoided this night sent from hell entirely. 

So, that’s how they ended up here. In Eddie’s living room, acting as if they’d never spoken to each other a day in their lives. 

“So you’re just not going to say anything,” Eddie finally announced after what seemed like a lifetime. 

“I’m not sure what you expect me to say, Eddie.” 

Buck’s tone was clipped. 

“I want you to explain to me what conversation took place between you and Chris,” Eddie replied. “Because clearly, it was more serious than I had originally assumed.”

“I already told you on the drive over here,” Buck groaned. “I specifically said we had a heart to heart; nothing more, nothing less.” 

Eddie crossed his arms and turned his body so he was facing the younger man. “Do you expect me to believe that, Buckley? Because the look on your face formed words before your mouth had the chance to.” 

“You want the truth? Because I can give you the truth, Diaz,” Buck answered. “Chris told me that everyone leaves and when they do, he misses them, and it makes him sad,” Buck took a breath. “And now, you’re going to introduce him to yet another person, just for them to leave. He’s scared. And quite frankly? I don’t blame him, Eddie.” 

Eddie took a second to absorb what Buck had just told him. He had no idea this is where the anger Chris expressed was stemming from. But how could he? This had been the first time the topic of dating had come up since Shannon’s passing. And now with the pandemic, feelings were bound to be amplified in all areas. 

“Wait, ” Eddie said. “Did you just imply that you don’t think Ana is here for the long run?” His brows were furrowed and his tone was teetering on accusatory, but he couldn’t care less right now. 

“Maybe I did,” Buck replied. And boy, did he look smug, with the outer parts of his mouth quirked slightly. He was testing Eddie; seeing how far he could push him until he reached his breaking point. 

“That’s a bold statement to make about someone you barely know,” Eddie fired back. 

Things were heating up, quickly. 

“That’s rich coming from you,” Buck chuckled humorlessly. “You’re bringing someone into his life that you barely know!” 

Eddie grimaced at Buck’s statement. He wasn’t wrong, per se, but he was in too deep. This was happening.

“That’s not,” his voice faltered, “that’s not the same and you know it.” 

“Oh but it is,” Buck replied. “Humor me though. How well do you know Miss Flores?”

Eddie opened his mouth and then closed it. He knew she was Chris’s old teacher. He knew she was now a VP at a different school. He knew she was Latina. He knew she was beautiful, smart, and put together. 

Okay, so maybe that was all that he knew. 

“Ha! See. I know you, Eddie and you know me. But you have to admit, you don’t know anything that’s not surface-level about her.” He laughed again, “Your conversations are about as deep as a kitty pool.” 

“I’m getting to know her, Buck,” Eddie replied, rolling his eyes. “Do you get into relationships and dive into their shit immediately?” 

While Eddie waited for Buck’s response, he rose from the couch and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed two beers from the bottom shelf of the fridge and nodded his head at Buck, signaling him to move the conversation. 

Buck walked up to the island, cracked open his Heineken, and took a generous swig. “No. But I also don’t have a mini-me to introduce my potential significant other to,” Buck said pointedly. “All I’m saying is that I think it’s a little early to be jumping headfirst into the deep end.” 

“I didn’t ask you what your opinion was on my relationship.” 

“I mean technically-” Buck challenged, but Eddie was fed up at this point. 

“Why do you care so much anyway?” Eddie countered, cutting Buck off mid-sentence. 

Buck was taken back. He wasn’t expecting that question, but he was quick on his feet, so he went rushing in with another answer. 

“Because I care about Chris,” he said calmly. “I also care about you and I want you to be happy, I do. You deserve it more than anyone, but I just think you’re moving a little fast. There’s no guarantee she’s not going to walk out when it gets rocky.” 

Buck sighed, “Or maybe she’ll decide that being with a first responder isn’t for her. Which I mean, fair; it’s not for everyone. Regardless, the point still stands. I don’t think she’s permanent in Chris’s life at the moment, so it’s weird, in my opinion, to treat her as such.” 

Eddie knew Buck was right. He wanted to say it. The words were at the tip of his tongue. If he could just– 

“I’m a permanent fixture in Chris’s life,” Buck blurted out, nervously brushing his palms against his jeans. 

Eddie raised an eyebrow at the younger. Surely Buck didn't think he could be anything but a permanent fixture in Chris’s life. He meant so much to both of them; Eddie and Christopher. Buck was a crucial part of the Diaz family; no ifs, ands, or buts. 

“I never said you weren’t. Is there something I’m missing here?” Eddie asked, letting out a nervous laugh.  

“I-,” Buck began. “Nevermind. Now’s not the time.”

“Buck, c’mon,” Eddie pleaded. “There’s no better time than right now.” 

“I can’t,” Buck muttered. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I can't tell you like this,” he finished in a hushed tone. 

Eddie frowned. He placed his beer bottle onto a swirled marble of the island and swiftly walked over to his best friend who stood just three feet away. He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and rested his thumb on Buck’s collarbone, rubbing it back and forth across the clavicle covered by milky skin. 

“Buck. You know you can tell me anything,” Eddie said. He gave the man's shoulder a light squeeze and continued to rub his thumb across the length of the prominent bone, letting Buck know it was okay to speak whenever he was ready. 

“Did you ever stop and think about why I jumped into the dating pool right after you did?” Buck asked, eyes trained on the floor. 

“I-I figured–,” Eddie stumbled slightly, trying to find the right words. “I just assumed you were tired of being single.”

“That and the fact that the person I wanted was whisked away before I had the chance to tell him how I feel,” Buck replied, voice cracking. His throat felt like it was closing and he felt the familiar sting towards the back of his eyes, a sure sign that the waterworks were on their way. “God. This is pathetic.” 

“Hey. Look at me,” Eddie said, coaxing Buck’s head upward with a feather-light touch to his chin. 

Buck tried to avoid eye contact by going against the grain of Eddie’s touch. He couldn’t breakdown, not now. He'd almost made it to the end of their.. conversation? Whatever. At this moment, he wished for nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole and return him to real life in 14 to 17 business days. He couldn't tell Eddie how he felt now. Not when Eddie was finally happy. 

He couldn't make something about him. Again. 

He couldn't be a bad friend to another person within two hours. 

So why did Buck blow up his spot? Beats him. 

“I like you, Eddie,” Buck confessed. “But, that doesn't matter now. I missed my chance; you're with Ana. I won't take away your happiness. I can't take away your happiness; not now, not ever.” 

Buck sighed and reluctantly stepped out from under the older man’s touch. “I should leave. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, Eds.” 

“Buck,” Eddie started gentle yet firm. “The only way you could take away my happiness is if you walked out, through that door.” 

“Huh?” was all Buck managed to say. 

“You bring me happiness, Buck. You are my happiness. Well, besides Chris, but that should go without saying.” Eddie rubbed his hands together and continued, “I like you too.” 

Buck chewed on his bottom lip, trying to think of what to say in reply to Eddie’s declaration. 

“How long have you felt this way? How come you didn't tell me, Eds?” he asked. 

“Longer than I’d like to admit. But I couldn't risk messing up everything just for feelings that could've been one-sided.” 

“And that’s why you went out with Ana?” Buck questioned. 

“Partially. I needed to start my journey to real happiness. Then Ana conveniently reappeared, so I thought, why not y’know?” 

Eddie continued before Buck could respond. “Ana isn't you, Buck. That's what I'm getting at. She's sweet, funny, and intelligent, but she's not you. She doesn't hold a candle to all that you are.” 

Buck began to chuckle, which soon turned into a full-on fit of giggles. Once he was done with his laughter and caught his breath, he spoke once more. “We’re a pair of idiots, aren't we?”

“That we are," Eddie said. His eyes crinkled as a genuine grin graced his face. "Though I must say, there's no one I’d rather be an idiot with besides you.” 

They wanted to kiss. Boy, did they want to kiss. However, the men also knew Eddie had to break things off with Ana first. It was just the right thing to do. But in the meantime, they could hold one another in the soft glow of Eddie’s kitchen and exchange words so sweet you'd think they had been dipped in honey. They would be together soon. 

Oh so soon. 

[hopelikethemoon]

Past Connections (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Past Connections Rating: PG-13 Length: 2100 Warnings: Mild Angst  Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in March 1998. Summary: The second article hits the newstands. 

@grapemama @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes @thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale  @roxypeanut @snivellusim @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper​ @awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie​ @swhiskeys​ @lady-tano @beskar-droids @space-floozy @cable-kenobi @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes @findhimfives @pedrosdoll @frietiemeloen @arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn @cyarikaaa @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl  @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato @coredrive @pascalesque @theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar @sabinemorans @buckstaposition @holkaskrosnou @yespolkadotkitty @fleetwoodmactshirt @seeking-a-great–perhaps

PAST CONNECTIONS SPEAK OUT IN DEA SCANDAL 

Following the bombshell report The Post released in the March 2nd issue, the DEA came forward with allegedly incriminating documentation purporting a pattern of unsanctioned expenditures, where Javier Peña had filed expense forms on evenings spent with Colombian hookers. 

During our investigative reporting, The Post was able to connect with three of the women who had been paid by Peña, using DEA funds, during his time with the DEA in Colombia. 

Elena Ramierz, who was willing to go on record using her own name, was forthcoming with information concerning her time with Peña. 

“I would not be where I am today, had I not crossed paths with Javi. He was willing to sponsor my immigration request — without asking for anything in return. Javier Peña is one of the only men I worked with who was a genuinely good man. He cared about all of the girls at the brothels and would look out for us. I cannot, however, say the same about other men who abused the systems the DEA willingly put into place.”

When pressed further, Ramirez went into detail painting a picture of the systemic abuses that were encouraged by the DEA, including but not limited to brutalizing sex workers, non-consensual contact, and intentional situations that led to physical and mental harm. These claims were largely substantiated by the other two women who were willing to speak with The Post. 

“He hated what he had to do to get information for the DEA. You could see the weight on his shoulders. Despite the brutal situation he was in, he was always kind and gentle with me and the other girls. Whatever picture the DEA is trying to paint him out to be, it’s to hide their own misdeeds.”

At the request of the DEA, The Post also made contact with Lorraine Jackson (neé Davis) who was the former ex-fiancé of Peña. Jackson, who hails from Laredo, Texas, provided details about the nature of her relationship with Peña nearly thirty years ago. Despite the DEA’s insistence that Jackson’s testimony would be detrimental to Peña and Morley’s case against DEA, her statement was to the contrary. 

“Look,” Mrs. Jackson stated, “Javier left me at the altar when we were kids. I was angry for a long time. A long time. Even after I got married and started a family with a truly wonderful man. I was still wounded by what Javier did, but it all worked out for the best. I can’t even imagine what life would’ve been like if he’d shown up. Have you met his daughters? They adore him. He’s a good man, despite what happened between us.”

Mrs. Jackson continued, “When the DEA approached me about our relationship, I let my hurt feelings get the best of me. He made a lot of mistakes when he was younger — but didn’t we all? He left, went to college and came back to work for the Sheriff’s Office. He’d closed himself off and frankly, he was an ass. I don’t pretend to know what happened in Colombia, I wasn’t part of his life then, but I could see he had changed when he came home. The DEA wants to paint him out to be a villain in all of this and that’s just not the case.”

The DEA issued a revelatory statement, rebuffing the claims previously printed in The Post. 

There is no doubt that Ms. Morley contributed admirable efforts in the war against Pablo Escobar. As the American people have now seen, her records contain multiple instances where she assisted in the apprehension of multiple associates of Escobar’s. 

Despite her efforts, during her tenure with the DEA in Colombia and Ms. Morley failed to uphold the standards expected of a DEA field agent. One year after her transfer, she entered into a relationship with a CIA liaison who was an active member of a joint task force formed by the two agencies. It became clearly, early on, that she was not capable of maintaining a professional work environment. 

In 1992, when Ms. Morley revealed that she was pregnant, she was immediately placed on desk duty. During a meeting with her direct chain of command, Ms. Morley intentionally concealed the identity of her child’s father. When questioned about Mr. Peña, she blatantly denied that she had any sexual contact with her partner. The following year, when Ms. Morley and Mr. Peña provided the DEA with the truth, we were forced to terminate her employment for her misconduct. 

While The Post may attempt to twist this situation into a gender-based discrimination case, it is abundantly clear that both Ms. Morley and Mr. Peña engaged in unethical practices unbefitting of federal agents. 

The Post reached out to CIA Agent, Lance Collier, who Ms. Morley was in a relationship from June 1988 to June 1989, clarified that their relationship had been approved by his director prior to its beginning. 

Collier was willing to go on record with a statement of his own, “Annie was one of the hardest working agents I’ve ever worked with. During meetings, I repeatedly witnessed her being ignored and silenced by her superiors. They would ultimately use her knowledge under the guise of their own, intentionally undermining her abilities. On numerous occasions, I was also present for meetings where Javier Peña and Steve Murphy would go to bat for their partner. Annie was well aware of the risk and complications related to being a woman in a male dominated field, and despite that she persisted. I have seen men who acted as bad agents against our government still be venerated, so why are they still punishing her for becoming a mother?”

The Post is dedicated to the continued investigation of this scandal. 

 ————

 “You’re brooding.” You told Javier as you shut off the stove and grabbed a trivet to sit the pot of wild rice off the burner. 

Javier huffed, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter across from you. “I’m not brooding.” He rubbed at the back of his neck before he pushed away from the counter and moved to grab two plates out of the cabinet. “The timing was just less than ideal.” 

“I know.” You grabbed an oven mitt and pulled out the pan of chicken patties, sitting it on the stovetop. “I wish Vickers had told us how thorough Valerie was going to be in her statement to the paper.” 

“It was fucking mortifying, baby. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through exams next week. Think it’s too late to make it a paper?” He questioned, grabbing the buns and mayonnaise out of the fridge. 

“Unfortunately,” You made a face as you shut off the oven and moved to grab a paper plate to cut the tomato on. “It’ll blow over.” 

“Not nearly soon enough,” He shook his head. “You know how much I hate looking back on that shit and now everyone knows my business.” 

“It was a risk we were both willing to take,” You reminded him. “Say the word and we pull the plug.” 

“I’m not pulling the fucking plug, baby. I’m just saying — did my class really need to know about my exploits with hookers in Colombia? I get that it’s tantalizing, but she pushed it too far.” 

“Even Elena didn’t realize how far it would go,” You sat the knife down and wiped off your hands on a dishtowel, turning to approach him. “I’m sure the DEA thought they could put a wedge between us — like I didn't know what you got up to.” 

“You talked to Elena today?”

You nodded, “I called to thank her. Her word would’ve been enough I think, but having two ‘Jane Smiths’ reaffirm what she was saying? There’s so much bullshit going on, in the pursuit of stopping drugs that has to end. We both know how they abuse those women.” You reached up and brushed your fingers over his cheek, leaning up on your toes to kiss him. 

He snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him. “Think they’ll try to track down Matias next?” 

You let out an incredulous laugh at that, “God, I don’t even know what happened to him.” You admitted, “I doubt they’d be able to track him down.” He had been a sweet young man you’d spent a handful of evenings with in the pursuit of intel nearly a decade ago. “It’s not like you don’t know.” 

Javier dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded slowly, “It’s just fucking bullshit. Even if it exonerated us.” He sighed heavily, “I should’ve cancelled class. Standing up there trying to keep on topic — knowing they’ve just read an article with three women who I’ve fucked.”

“Technically five.” You pointed, clarifying when he arched a brow.  “Elena, Valerie, and Mia, Lorraine, and myself.” 

He made a face, feigning disgust before he released you. “I hadn’t realized the DEA would be so determined to punch below the belt.”

“Because bribing Monica to say you’d fucked her was above the belt?” You pointed out as you moved to grab two buns out of the bag, throwing them on the plates and using a spatula to pick up the chicken patties and place them on each bun. 

“Alright, alright. You’re making valid points.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “One day the girls are going to see these articles.” 

“Then we’ll explain to them that sex workers deserve more praise and credit than they’re currently afforded.” You stated simply, “And that there’s nothing wrong about being sexually active — like we were, before we got together.” You shrugged. 

“You wanna have that conversation with them?”

You shrugged, licking your thumb clean after you got mayonnaise on it, “Sure. It doesn’t bother me.” 

Javier pinched at the bridge of his nose for a moment before he started plating up his chicken sandwich, “You got cheese?”

“Hang on,” You headed for the fridge, pulling the door open and rummaging around in the deli drawer. “Swiss or cheddar?”

“Do we have any of the pepperjack left?”

You hummed as you pulled open a drawer below, grabbing the bag of pepperjack cheese. “You’re in luck. I hid it the last time Nadia was here.” You tossed it onto the counter beside him, “That girl loves cheese.” 

“Monica wasn’t in class today,” Javier stated, throwing two pieces of cheese onto his chicken patty before topping it off with the bun, “Did you hear from her today? I meant to call but got pulled into meetings.” 

“I called her this morning at work,” You told him as you stowed the mayo back in the fridge. “She’s still pretty skittish after everything that happened.” You explained, smiling when you returned to your plate and Javier had scooped up a spoonful of wild rice for you. “Thanks, babe.” 

He pressed a kiss to your cheek, “Anytime.” Javier gave your ass a playful swat before he headed for the kitchen table. “She’s got office hours with me tomorrow.” 

“I wouldn’t make a big deal about it,” You cautioned him as you sat down across from him at the table. “Honestly, she seemed fine. She just wanted to skip today.” You took a bite of your sandwich, before washing it down with a swig of beer. “I can’t wait for all of this to be over with.” 

“You and me both, baby.” Javier retorted, covering his mouth with his fist as he spoke with his mouth full. “I want them to fucking pay for their bullshit and let us get on with our lives.” 

You nodded your head slowly, “Everyone at the P.D. has been so supportive. They’re far from perfect, but they at least recognize what the DEA’s been doing is morally and ethically wrong.” 

Javier rocked his jaw slowly as he stared at you across the table, “You still thinking about quitting?”

“All the time,” You admitted with a shrug. “I just want to get through this first. The DEA’s been such a dark shadow for so many years.” 

“Once this is over, I feel like we’ll be able to really live.” 

“Right?” You agreed with a grin, “Connie thinks we should go on vacation.” 

“As soon as this semester’s over.” 

You leaned across the table and took his hand into yours, giving it three short squeezes. “There’s a part of me that is stupidly excited about my name finally being attached to yours in the record books. And Steve’s, of course. It’s bizarre to see our lives laid out in the newspaper, but at the same time — I love it.” 

“Me too, baby.” Javier grinned at you, “It means no more hiding.” 

[andiphillipsdotcom]

I had an interesting experience this morning.

I signed up for an “Autism in Adults” study on a whim via Facebook, because I think to myself, “Hey, I’m an adult with autism.” I know, most people will make impulse purchases, but no, I sign up for a scientific study, go figure.

Anyway, I get the screening call today, and it seems to be going fine. But then the person on the other end says something about medication being involved, and I am like, “Hold up, what?”

See, I signed up for this study assuming it would be more on the research side of things. Since there are not a ton of studies on adults with autism (most studies focus on kids). I did not go into it thinking there would be medication involved.

So I ask them what symptoms is this medication supposed to treat?

For the record, I do not like describing conditions of autism as “symptoms,” because not all conditions of autism are medical or debilitating. However, in this context, we are talking about medication, so surely this would be focusing on more debilitating conditions of autism right?

This person just responds with “autism.”

…

*deep sigh*

So, I have to ask more specifically for a list of “symptoms, because obviously there is a lot that goes into autism (and not all of those conditions are even debilitating.) And, guess what, this person does not have a list.

Needless to say, I decline going any further.

(For the record this person was pleasant and professional. I really should have done my due diligence, and researched this study first.)

That was a very interesting experience, because it forced me to confront my feelings about Autism as a condition and as a disability.

For me personally, I do not feel as though my autism severely hinders me. Sure there are some things that are harder for me, socializing, managing my energy levels, sensory overload, sure. But first, these are things I can handle, and second I feel like this is all balanced out by the benefits of my autism, such as my analytical skills, and my sense of empathy.

However, I do still recognize there are conditions of autism that can be debilitating, and even severely so. For folx that are non-verbal, for example, it is truly difficult to navigate in a world that requires you to be verbal, without some kind of support.

I think my issue with the conversation I just had is that “autism” in its entirety was considered the “symptom” in question. Like autism is nothing but a debilitation, a disease that needs to be cured. And really, I beg to differ. For me at least, while my autism makes my life harder in some ways, it is also a part of who I am. The idea of “curing” my autism, quite frankly, is about as appealing to me as getting a lobotomy.

And honestly most of the things that make my life hard have less to do with my autism, and more to do with the world itself. As a very small for instance, some meetings in activist spaces can go on for hours, and this is honestly exhausting for me, as it leads to sensory overload. Not just because I am forced to pay attention for hours, but because of the spaces I have had to inhabit pre-covid. They were loud, and there were so many people. And then there was the emotional sensory overload. It was a lot.

But you know what solved a lot of that for me? Zoom! Zoom is honestly so much better for me than in person meetings ever were. I am in my own space, I can monitor the volume on my computer, and when I start to get tired from socializing, I can briefly excuse myself by turning off my camera and mic. Plus the no eye contact thing is a plus!

(Unfortunately sensory overload is still an issue with Zoom, because of the length of some meetings. I would really appreciate a break in some of these meetings, especially ones that can go on for 2+ hours, but that is a discussion for another day.)

Now, I am not saying *all* of these spaces did not make accommodations. In fact, some spaces have made such accommodations even before pre-covid. The point that I am getting at is this is just one example of how our society may not make accommodations for people with disabilities, or people who are neurodiverse.

And much more to this topic at hand, this - at least in my experience - tends to be the source of my issues. Not my autism itself, but the fact that the world is built for neurotypical people.

So maybe we should spend a little less time trying to “cure” people with autism, and a little more time making the world a better place for people with autism. And while we’re at it, making the world a better place for neurodiverse people and people with disabilities in general.

(Originally blogged on my website andiphillips.com)

[jenetica]

A Brief Note from Our Sponsors: Us.

Greetings! If you’re here, it’s likely that you have questions or complaints about our decisions regarding the Calendar Girls series. An ominous start to this discussion, but truly, we welcome you! If you’re here, it means you have been emotionally impacted by our work and, even though this context isn’t the cheeriest, we are so, so grateful you (1) enjoyed our work enough to care about it, and (2) want to develop a better understanding of our process so that you can engage with Calendar Girl more.

First of all, we understand why you’d be upset with us! The cliffhanger at the end of AotM was a DOOZY and leaves a LOT of important questions unanswered, and we left you readers hanging for a LONG time. This post will, hopefully, assuage the worst of your fears without giving away too many plot points.

That being said, please note that there WILL be spoilers ahead. If you want to see the story unfold as we intended, do NOT read this post further. We will tell you now that the post addresses the Deadpool’s identity, our decisions regarding the construction of AotM and the final cliffhanger, our decisions regarding developing the sequel as a prequel, and our plans for future installments. And, naturally, the accusations of “queerbaiting.”

Let’s get started.

QUEERBAITING

It makes sense to open with the most serious issue, so let’s talk about queerbaiting. For anyone here who doesn’t know, queerbaiting is defined as the purposeful insinuation of a homosexual/queer relationship, only to backtrack/subvert that insinuation to avoid the queer relationship. For an example, see: Supernatural from Season 4 and on. 

We have received accusations of queerbaiting for about four years, based exclusively on the reveal at the end of the final chapter. Similarly, we have received complaints that we duped readers into reading hetfic. So, to get things out of the way, yes, Deadpool is Gwen. No, it’s not a trick of the light, or a mistake, or some odd resemblance. They are one and the same. HOWEVER, that does NOT mean that we have queerbaited anyone.

First of all, the tags of the story are honest, and they always have been. AotM is tagged as a “Multi” fic, meaning that there are relationships of multiple orientations involved, and it is tagged with Peter/Gwen as well as Peter/Wade. Careless Whisper is tagged as F/M. We have never suggested or implied that the story would exclusively be slash fiction. We actually left multiple hints that Wade enjoyed femininity, at least as a practice, if not an identity. iFlail and I discussed this issue at length as we wrote/edited AotM and carefully crafted the story with queerbaiting in mind. 

Peter is an unreliable narrator, he always has been, and he always will be. In AotM, Peter assumes Wade is a man and thus, for the purposes of the narrative, Wade is one. The truth, however, is less clean than that. We won’t get into the details here, but safe to say, gender is not binary, it is not permanent, and it is not inexorably linked to one’s biology. Wade has a complicated history and a complicated/unique sense of identity. We have always intended for him to be that way, just as we always intended for him to be notably, pointedly smaller than Peter. 

The accusations of queerbaiting and/or conning readers into reading “het” fic are exclusionary of the greater conversation of gender identity. It was, frankly, disheartening to see so many people assume heterosexuality based exclusively on the last word of AotM. We hope that our work will challenge readers to be more mindful of the expansive world of gender, and to avoid assuming that a specific kind of pairing might involve specific kinds of body parts.

If you have any questions or reservations about our queerbaiting at this point, you are either welcome to keep reading future installments of this work to learn more, or you are welcome to stop altogether. The choice is yours. 

CONSTRUCTING THE STORY ARC - PRESENT, PAST, AND FUTURE

With that hot-button topic out of the way, let’s talk about the greater concept of ending a story of a cliffhanger, our thoughts behind building this series, and our goals for future installments. 

The second part of the Calendar Girl series, Careless Whisper, was written first, and it comes first chronologically. I (Jenetica) initially worked on the story by myself, as an exploration into the concept of “Gwen becoming Deadpool��� to see how it might play out. I ended up writing a story I loved, so I moved onto the next part of the story, set four years later. This ended up becoming Angel of the Morning. 

@iflailfic, a good IRL friend of mine from college, came onboard (after I wooed her with several stories worth of porn, as you can see through a jaunt through my posted works) to help me edit. She fell in love with AotM and, as we worked on first draft edits, she floated the idea of AotM coming before Careless Whisper. Honestly, I rejected the idea at first (not sure if she actually knows/remembers that part, lol), because I couldn’t fathom how we would be able to link the parts of the story together. But, eventually, I began to realize her point: AotM introduces our protagonists, develops the “current” world for the series, and has a more dynamic/engaging plot. 

The cliffhanger was a joke at first. My idea. I think my exact words were something like, “LOLOL what if we just ended on ‘GWEN?’ OMG IMAGINE hahahahaha.” But, as we continued to edit… it became the perfect way to end things. Anything that came after that point felt like trash. If we’d expanded any further, we ran the risk of falling headfirst into Part 3 and doubling the size of AotM. Let’s be real, the ending is, all waiting aside, an absolute nuclear bomb on the rest of the story. 

We talked about the likelihood of enraged readers. But we rationalized it by telling each other/ourselves that we had Careless Whisper written, so the wait wouldn’t be too killer.

Best laid plans.

I (Jenetica) take full responsibility for the time it took to start posting again. Over the last four years, I have gone through a number of experiences that challenged my sense of self and pushed me to become a different person, including moving halfway across the country, attending a relatively prestigious law school where I was no longer “the smart kid in the room,” and losing the relationship that I later learned was toxic and abusive. I lost my confidence in a number of ways, including my confidence as a writer. I became terrified that I would never produce anything that lived up to AotM, and that I would disappoint the many (many!) readers demanding answers. Luckily for me, through that adversity I found rewarding friendships, a beautiful partner who treats me the way I’d always fantasized/written about people like me getting treated, and an engaging career that leaves me with enough energy to write. My experiences are mirrored by iFlail, who went through a different, but similarly life-changing, series of events. But through this all, we never lost hope in this story, and we always planned to complete the series. We are wiser, stronger people now, and we both believe that the story will be richer for it. 

Which brings us to now, and our plans for the future. We do NOT intend to wait another four years to post X Gon’ Give It To Ya, the third and final installment of the series. We have spent countless hours brainstorming the plot, and all that’s really left to do is put it to paper. But, for people who are afraid of being burned twice, we will warn you now that Careless Whisper is JUST a prequel. If you want to know what happens after the “Gwen?” reveal, you will not get any answers until XGGITY (which I have, as of just now, decided to pronounce as “Ziggity”). We hope you stick around to watch Careless Whisper unfold, but we will understand if you want to wait until XGGITY to start reading again.

IN CONCLUSION - FINAL THOUGHTS

The Calendar Girl series has received more attention than we’d ever dreamed, and regardless of whether you liked or disliked our work, we want to thank you for taking the time to read it. If you made it to the end of AotM, we did something right, and again, we are so grateful that so many people have stuck with us this far.

We encourage everyone, moving forward, to keep a close eye on the tags that we use for our stories. We may not tag everything relevant, for the sake of preserving mystery about the plot, but we will be sure to tag everything that may be triggering or concerning, like self-harm, violence, or expected brand of romantic/sexual interactions. We will be adding this warning to the beginning of each story in the series.

Additionally, we want to acknowledge that there is a stark difference between legitimate concerns about the story and unfounded attacks on our character. Our decision to make this post is our attempt to dissuade the latter: We are not queerbaiting, and we have no interest in “forcing” people to read content that is not to their taste. However, that doesn’t mean that our execution of AotM, Careless Whisper, and/or XGGITY will be beyond reproach. The conversation on gender politics has evolved tremendously over the years that we’ve been working on this series, and it will undoubtedly continue to evolve as we progress into the future. We encourage constructive (!!!) criticism and open conversation on ways that we can improve our story, even if it involves tweaking published work to avoid mishandling deeply personal issues.

That said, if, after reading this post, you are still upset and/or unconvinced about our intentions for this series, we encourage you to stop reading it. We are not compensated for this work, and we have spent hundreds (probably thousands, by now) of hours striving to make the Calendar Girl series the best that it can be, for our own benefit. We believe that it may be the best fanfiction we will ever produce, and our satisfaction with our work is our priority. We will continue to post with that priority at the forefront, and with the demands of our reader base playing second fiddle. Similarly, we expect our readers to prioritize their needs above all others. We ask for your patience and your kindness moving forward and, if you cannot give us that, you are welcome to close the tab and move on with your life to other ventures that suit your interests better.

For those of you that choose to stay: You are in for a hell of a ride. We are both anxious to get through Careless Whisper, because we are both SO excited to share XGGITY with you. We believe it’s going to knock your socks off. We hope to see you there. 

Thanks, everyone, and happy reading!