#the latter actually helped me because having been presented with all the information i was like ‘i’m going out on a limb here but i don’t

[raayllum]

Moon Arcanum Callum + Sun Arcanum Claudia in S7?

Callum getting the Moon arcanum has been a fandom... not theory, but shall we say, prospect, since even before S4. Some of this was because of the seeming set up in previous seasons, such as:

Callum having a hunch that the cube wasn't glowing due to the Moon, and being our first hint at illusions on the Cursed Caldera (1x09)

Lujanne explaining the secret of the arcanum (as she understands it) to him in 2x02

Callum doing moon arcanum spells (3x08, Through the Moon) much the way he did Sky spells before unlocking that arcanum

Callum employing aspects of the Moon arcanum in his plans (3x01 with tricking Sol Regem, creating the illusion pearl in 6x01)

His growing relationship and understanding with Rayla, and potential involvement with her family/village

But especially:

This is of course already reflected in spades in his arc as a mage. Everyone, Lujanne included, believes that humans can't do magic. She treats this as absolute fact and destiny, but Callum perceives it as subjective truth; why can't he just make his own connection and do magic anyway? And in doing so, he changes the world. He creates a radically new, better reality.

With season seven's synopsis on sacrifice and life and death, both things we see tied heavily to Moonshadow culture and the Moon itself, I could see Callum connecting to the Moon arcanum next season for a few reasons (and potentially Claudia with the Sun arcanum, which I'll get to after). So let's get into it.

Precursor

Previously, if Callum was going to connect to the Moon arcanum, I'd speculated it'd mostly be around ideas of the consistency of Love (light or dark, the moon is always the moon) and his love for Rayla being his light in the darkness / the one constant truth of his life. I don't think this anymore, obviously, because we got all those things through the Star truth light ritual beat for beat and we're not going to be repeating, but I did think it'd be worthwhile then to revisit what a Moon arcanum could mean for Callum under new context / emotional epiphanies. I've also always thought either Earth or Sun would suit Claudia, but leaned more towards the latter, so we're gonna talk about that, too.

Truth and Lies and Aaravos

As Lujanne explains in 2x02, the Moon arcanum is understanding the true nature of the relationship between appearances and reality, and we can only understand the appearance itself. This feels like a very fitting idea to come back to with Aaravos, who ostensibly never lies but routinely withholds or presents not entirely correct information. "How may I serve you?" when you're just going to be a pawn. Not telling a mourning Claudia that he was indeed the one who killed Viren so that she'll continue to do his bidding, with Claudia asserting that Aaravos "didn't lie" about the ritual in 6x01, and he didn't. We also see him wield the truth as a weapon with people like Khessa ("would you like to know the truth of her fate before you meet yours?") and Sol Regem (more on that here.)

Everything that he says is truth to him, and then he lifts it up as being objectively true (i.e. you're destined to play into my hands) even when it isn't necessarily true. We can also see Callum veering into mindsets that Claudia and Viren have had, where he believes he's past the point of saving ("I'm ruined, it's too late for me" "Promise me you'll kill me") or removing his own agency by admission ("Finnegrin was going to kill you, I didn't have a choice" / "Every step forward is a choice").

Callum understanding Aaravos' or others' actual truths versus their lies and the ones he's believing could be very fitting in S6, especially if he might be learning more about the existence of the Cosmic Council and who made their world the way it is. I think his existence may help lead to that "slow spiral of chaos" but that it won't be just or even Bad at all the way they'd feared, etc.

Claudia is also linked to lies and truth. She lies to others, but Aaravos notes that "If you tell the truth you will lose her," and she goes looking for her own deep truth in S6, but doesn't seem to fully find it. Terry asks her "What do you need to find your one deep truth?" and Claudia says that she needs her dad, but she and her mother have also made it clear that she "needed to stay with Soren" and her family (vs Viren telling her to pick the egg over Soren). With Viren gone and Aaravos manipulating her, Soren could easily be one of her guiding lights next season or in future seasons.

The Pearl

The moon is analogous, framing/appearance wise, to the prison. This is alluded to in 5x09 through framing, and then made even more direct in 6x09: Aaravos escapes his prison thanks to Claudia and (unbeknownst to her) she has become the prisoner, much like how Callum may physically free himself from chains in 5x08 but magically/emotionally chains himself further to Aaravos, or Viren shouting while in chains that he's finally free of the dark puppetmaster.

Basically, when Callum says in 6x01 that he's inside the pearl, I don't think (as of S6 / probably first half of S7 at least) that he's ever gotten out of it. Aaravos uses him even after his nightmare, and we know thanks to the pawn intro that Aaravos' final machinations for Callum also haven't yet come to play. I've been wondering if the Aaravos intro is going to change in S7, since he's out of his prison — and it still may — but if we look at it from the angle of Callum and Claudia both being stuck within the moon/pearl rather than just Aaravos himself, maybe it could stay.

And if Callum is stuck inside the moon-pearl, shattering it by understanding the arcanum ("the whole world is like a giant primal stone, and we're inside of it, and it's also in us") and/or with Claudia moving to the opposite of the moon could be useful, especially since Karim is a corrupted sun in his own way. Speaking of which let's talk about

Light and Dark

We know thanks to Claudia that black and white, or light and dark, are not always clear cut. Her hair thanks to her dark magic use changes like phases of the moon, with the light being bad and the dark being good. Conversely, her path is a dark one with the path of truth and light being withheld from her. In a similar manner, we see Callum's light (Rayla) being what led him into dark magic use and what led him out of it, and will likely see this pattern play out again. Aaravos is a representation of a path of darkness, but we also see the cube flashing a bright light in the pawn intro, tying light and darkness together for him as well.

Callum's understanding of himself that he gained through the Ocean arcanum can not simply become untrue or disappear, so I think recognizing that darkness isn't all he is ("I'm ruined" / "your heart's not full of darkness" "Neither is yours") even if there are dark parts of him and of his life would be fitting. It also seems that could be helpful with Claudia as well, and even characters like Ezran, who will have to wrestle with darker parts of his emotions/personality next season as well with Runaan. They've all got light and dark inside them, and learning how to walk in that balance and still break away from the Cycle / Aaravos is useful. As Ezran said in 4x03:

I just want to yell stop. But that’s not enough. It won’t work. I think about a positive vision, a faith we can all share, that we might build a future together in hope. A future where we can be safe with each other.  But… It’s not that easy or simple. Because people are still hurting and they are still angry. We can’t ignore that, or pretend it will go away. Somehow, we have to hold it all in our hearts at the same time. We have to acknowledge the weight of the pain and loss, but open up our eyes and allow ourselves to hope and maybe forgive and love again. We have to give today’s children a chance to inherit a future filled with peace. To give them that, we have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time.

Claudia's love for her family led her to ruin, but it can also save her through Soren. Callum's love for Rayla led him to ruin, but it has also saved him (and again, we'll likely repeat this pattern). Ezran's love for his father will lead him to anger but also pull him out of it, just as Viren's love for his son caused him to begin his journey of terrible things, but also guided him to do one final, truly right thing by the end.

Love is light and dark. Claudia, who's been walking in shadow, needs the full light - the sun, in the form of her brother. She needs to accept and see the truth of what's happening and step fully into the light. Callum, who has been routinely worried of the dark within him, needs to the reminder that he's not all he is, that he has light of his own inside. In doing so, he can break Aaravos' control over him and give hope to any other dark mages / humans in general that no level of corruption is too late to come back from, and that there is always light amid the darkness.

Life and Death

The stakes have never been higher as Aaravos and Claudia are on the warpath, determined to destroy the Cosmic Order and invert life and death. With the world’s fate on the line, our heroes must be ready to sacrifice everything to save it.

In Bloodmoon Huntress, we get a very different peek into how the secret of the Moon arcanum can be thought of through Runaan, who is peak Moonshadow-sacrifice elf man:

Moonshadow form is only achieved when we understand the balance of life against death. Balance is weight against weight, and to understand the weight of death you must feel the weight and value of another's life. Think of those you love, of who you hold most dear. Now think of the souls who have touched your life. Understand that each time your weapon meets its target, each time we fulfil our duty, the potential for that soul to change a life—to love another—is gone. We may remove hate, but we remove the potential for love as well. Moonshadow form is only achieved when we reconcile this balance between life and death.

While Claudia with her hair and dark mage-assassin parallels could unlock the Moon arcanum—especially if her perspectives continue to change—I think Callum as the Protagonist is better placed at this time to be the one to understand the balance between life and death in a season where the antagonists are trying to invert/destroy it. Him therefore understanding appearances and changes, how to control his own and see through others', understanding that balance between life and death, feels very fitting.

Callum's fear of Aaravos and dark magic comes from the fear that he's changing—"I hope you're careful, cause [magic] can change people" / "the corruption takes innocent creatures and changed them"—and that death would be better for him than life if he goes too far. Learning these things aren't the case and that he can get back to the middle (and indeed, "real trust is about accepting even the dark parts we will never know" could be about Rayla accepting he may not entirely swear off dark magic again, the same way Viren kept that door open to do Good) would be useful.

It would also mean the two mage characters most drawn into Aaravos' darkness get the Moon and Sun—the arcanums most associated with light—to banish said darkness as well. Claudia finally being an uncorrupted light and chasing life, not death, and Callum, learning how to be balanced and that he can maintain his identity / use Aaravos' book and key without fearing that he'll lose control.

The fact that Claudia's eclipse imagery only started the same episode she lost her brother, and that her Laurelion dragon-scale necklace is very Sunfire-y looking...

Conclusion

TDP for Callum and Claudia has always felt like a parallel coming-of-age mage story between the two of them, leading to the amount of similarities and diverging plot beats the two have, down to doing the same spell at the same time but in different locations in S6. The Sun arcanum is associated with truth, light, and healing, whereas the Moon arcanum is associated with change, life + death, and secrets/love. All of these things could be nicely brought to a head with Callum and Claudia each unlocking an arcanum of Moon and Sun respectively, showcasing their differences, their continued room to grow, and light amid the darkness.

While I could see alternatives like Sun for Callum and Moon for Claudia, Stars for Callum or no arcanum for either of them, I think these are the ones that fit best at this time / Stars will likely get saved for arc 3 given that arc 3 will probably focus more on rewriting destinies and the Cosmic Order as antagonists.

As always hope you enjoy and Dragons out!

[fingertipsmp3]

Me: I think I’m getting over my irrational fear of demonic possession

Also me: *has a nightmare about demonic possession, wakes up from it at 5am, refuses to go back to sleep, and spends whole day tired*

[pekkhum]

Are you trans yourself or is it just your daughter? :0

And in any case, how is her transition going so far?

Sending much love <3

I think this will be more fun to answer via story time and the long mode answer:

Around the time of my 37th birthday I started seeing a couple incredibly hilarious and relatable memes about being trans go by on my feed. They were just so great that I found myself seeking out more and learning to understand trans folk more and more. I kept wanting to comment and holding myself back, because, of course I'm not trans, I just feel all the things trans women feel all the time and have struggled with those feelings since I was very, very young. Still cis, though.

There was eventually a day when the dam broke and I admitted online that I am trans, but it was three days later, while reading about internalized transphobia, that it all hit home. I had myself a nice little fit about how I didn't want to be trans, not because it is bad, but because the world makes life suck for trans people. (Actually, 6 months before, in the most egg moment ever, I told a woman that I had been thinking about how hard life as a transgender lesbian would be and that it would be much easier to be a straight guy. I was wrong for reasons most trans folk can guess.)

That day, I sat my child down to explain that I've realized that I am very much trans, that I have resources she can read to understand what that all means, and that I would let her other parent know, so she had someone else to talk to if she wanted. (Thankfully, we are peacefully divorced, so that wasn't an issue.)

I later found out that my child had devoured those resources, stolen one of my skirts my work-mom gave me (she's so supportive) and tried on names, pronouns, and skirts. It was a month later that she greeted me in the morning in a skirt and informed me that she was certain her feelings weren't something else and I discovered that I have a daughter! 😊

I was in the process of trying to get HRT and my insurance changed, then my health network intentionally and willfully screwed me over and yanked my chain, because they didn't want to provide a referral (it turned out to be owned by the Catholic church, here in America), but didn't want to admit their bigotry. I was forced to change health networks and get a new primary and wait months for a new appointment for a referral and my daughter's needs were similarly delayed, but she was even further behind! I had just gotten HRT when I was laid off and left with no insurance. This means I'm on an incorrect dose and my daughter hasn't gotten hers.

To make matters worse, our ADHD has made sitting down for voice training or learning makeup (it is so overwhelming!) difficult for us and we've not found others willing and able to help with the latter. My daughter has gotten a lot of nice clothing from her mama (I'm mom, the ex is mama 🤷‍♀️), and she just looks so cute, but she hasn't felt brave enough to present at school or anything. I'm hoping a GSA in college will help, but I'm making sure not to push her. She's still figuring out her personal vibe, but it seems to lean toward her mama's style, instead of my tastes, with just a few exceptions. Whatever she goes with, I'm proud beyond belief!

I joined a writer's group and only ever introduced myself under my unmistakably femme chosen name and everyone was cool with my very unfemme appearing dysphoria hoodie wearing self. I am grateful beyond belief. The dose may be too low, but the HRT has been very much working. Unfortunately, even freshly shaved with a straight razor, my beard is forever visible (I'm told a little blush or color corrector can hide that, but keep looking horrible when I try), but thanks to HRT, I at least saw a woman with a beard shadow, when last I walked into the bathroom. (Also, I fill out my sundress more, now!)

With family and friends, we are fully socially transitioned, though, and I am grateful, every day, for those we've been able to keep. It wasn't all, but it seems I'd already cut the problems, in advance. Also, we can both wear whatever around the house, so we dress for ourselves, at least.

We dressed up extra for our first Pride parade, though! I won't have a ton of opportunities to wear that rainbow skirt, but I love it greatly!

We are early in transition, with lots of problems yet to solve, but we are so much happier, so far. I'm finally alive and she finally cares about who she will be! We're also so much closer now and have opened up a lot more to each other. I adore my daughter and I'm so glad to be her mom! 💖🥲

[luimagines]

Hi! I can’t sleep (I’m writing this in bed at midnight) and I forgot to request proposal headcannons while requests were open. So now I’m inflicting you with my own headcannon about how Twilight would propose. Woe be upon ye. This one is an earnest attempt on your life (consider my last story to be a half-hearted try with a foam knife). Warning: long ask.

The rancher had been incredibly nervous about this for a really, really long time. He’s done a remarkably good job at hiding it from you (for a Link, that is). You’d assumed he’d been stressed with the upcoming harvest since that was the most logical conclusion you could come to given the available information. Given that, you decided to try and ease his stress some by pilfering his pumpkin soup recipe and then asking him to help you make it — activities are always more fun together, after all.

He complies because he can never deny you anything that’s in his power to give. That and he really enjoys cooking with you. It’s domestic and sweet and it gives him butterflies — which ultimately only serves to make his upcoming proposal all the scarier. On the one hand, he could have this domesticity every day and hold you while you both sleep every night. But on the other… what if you say no and things become awkward?? What if you end up breaking up with him??? It’s hard to stay present and not spiral into worst-case scenarios as he gets a small taste of what could be.

You, sensing he’s becoming stressed, come up and hug him from behind while he’s stirring the soup. He inhales sharply as you lay your cheek against his back, but he melts into your touch. His panicked thoughts quiet instantly — you’ve always had that effect on him. “What’s wrong, my love?” You ask, concerned. His drawl is a little thicker than normal and his voice is warm. You might not be able to see his face from your position, but you can actually hear the small smile and soft look that have spread over his features, “it’s nothin’ to trouble yourself with, darlin’. I’m alright now. I jus’ needed a hug and didn’t realize it is all.”

You hum, not entirely convinced but recognizing the half-truth for what it is. You’ve quietes whatever thoughts are plaguing him, but there’s obviously something. He’s not the type to get this stressed out over “nothing.” He evidently doesn’t want to talk about it for some reason though.

“There’s a difference between ‘it’s nothing’ and ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ The latter is always an acceptable answer, but I rather you tell me that. I won’t force you to tell me what’s bothering you, but I want you to know you can come to me with anything.” You say as your grip around his waist tightens (and as you have to force yourself to think of anything but how muscular his back is and the fact that you can feel his abs under your hands).

If there was any tension left in his body at all, it deflates all at once as you speak. “Trus’ me, I know. And I appreciate that more than you know, darlin’. But I meant it. It was a silly thing to be worried about, all things considered, I’m all righ’ now. Thank you.” He keeps stirring the soup with one hand, but one large hand comes to rest overtop where your own have wrapped themselves around his middle, his thumb caressing your skin. He’s told you the truth, he really isn’t worried anymore. He knows the life he can give you is a simple one, but it’s one full of love and happiness. There’s something about the way you hold him, the tenderness of the embrace, that makes him realize that everything’s gonna be okay in the end.

He‘s no longer afraid you’ll say no. Not necessarily because you couldn’t do better (he’s quite convinced you could if you wanted to, no matter now frequently you tell him otherwise), but because you love him. Completely, with every fiber of your being; just as much as he loves you. He allows himself to believe that you would choose him just as many times over as he would choose you.

When the soup finishes cooking, the pair of you eat dinner together. You spend an hour and a half just talking and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. When the meal ends and you’ve both put your dishes away, he takes your hand in his and asks if you’ll go on a walk with him. You accept readily.

He leads you through a winding path that leads out into one of the wheat fields, the pair of you continuing your conversation the whole way. Eventually, you reach the edge of the field. There’s a small clearing and a crystal clear water running through the tall golden stems, the sunset just over the horizon.

He looks at you with an undeniable warmth in his eyes and expression, but there’s also a serious look on his face. Sensing he needs to tell you something important, you quiet your laughter. Much to your surprise, he grabs his sword off his waist and lays it down on the dirt beneath you two. He kneels down on his right knee. His left fist is planted in the dirt and his right rests over his heart.

“Darlin’, words can’t even begin to express how much you mean to me. Yer the light of ma life and the reason I get up every mornin’. If ‘m being honest, I can’t imagine ma life without you in it. What I want more’n anything in this world is to wake up with you in ma arms every mornin’, and to make dinner with you every evening like we did t’day.” He’s starting to tear up now as he looks up at you. “Would you do me the honor of marryin’ me?”

You can’t seem to find your voice. At some point while he was talking your hands came up to cover your mouth as you start to cry a little. You nod and that’s all he needs. The next thing you know, he’s shot to his feet and has wrapped you up in a warm embrace. You pull him down for a kiss and he complies happily. You can feel within the action just how much he loves you and how happy you’ve made him today.

When you pull away he has a biggest goofiest grin on his fact that you’ve ever seen. He slips a small box out of his pocket and produces a gorgeous, albeit simple ring (that explains where the extra money he’s been putting away lately went). Gingerly, he takes your left hand in his free one and ever so gently slides the ring onto your finger. Right where it belongs. You’re his, and he’s yours, and now everyone will be able to see it. It’ll be legally true soon enough.

Man, he really can’t wait until your beautiful face is the first thing he sees every morning. Bedhead and all.

- glitter ✨

THIS IS AN ATTEMPT ON MY LIFE!!!

I'M TAKING YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME!!!!!

Thank you, Glitter. I love this. This was so sweet. <3

[beevean]

Especially the justifications ranging from "Sonic is neurodivergent-coded" to "Sonic is canonically neurodivergent" in Prime grind my gears. I'm certain many of the same people are gushing about how awesome it is that Sonic Prime is CaNoN tO tHe GaMeS... as in, the games where Sonic:

knew that simply defeating and sealing away Chaos again would do NOTHING except make its hurt and anger only worse.

gave Blaze a kind and supportive pep talk, acknowledging what she had been through because of her pyrokinesis and duties as Sol Emerald Guardian and offering her his friendship with a reminder she can count on the people she's got to know during her adventure.

defeated Merlina but expressed sympathy with her hurt about her world ending while sharing his own philosophy of needing to live life to the fullest, without any call-outs about her attacking him earlier, boasts about defeating her, or scoldings about her negative view on it all.

Immediately came rushing back from Cannon's Core in the ARK even though he was seconds away from foiling the entirety of Eggman's plan with the fake Emerald because Eggman and Tails informed him Amy was in danger.

And those are only the examples I know for certain on the top of my head, without even touching upon everything that happens in games like Sonic Battle and Sonic Forces. It's not even that Prime!Sonic is particularly nasty or rude, he clearly adores his friends, but he can't read a room to save his life and he is legitimately just stupid. Which is clearly done because it can be used to write jokes, but he is stupid, in a way that a properly-written game!Sonic could not be even if he tried. And you mean to tell me the Sonic from the above examples is the occasionally-insensitive constantly-dumb hyperactive chatterbox that Prime presents him as? Please.

(I'm sorry, I figure you might have gotten tired of Prime discourse now, but in general the whole He's Totes Neurodivergent fandom perception annoy me, because they use that card to completely disregard any (in my opinion valid) counterarguments about any poor portrayal...)

Oh wait I forgot to add: the reason I came up with those examples is apparently because people think that Sonic (aka Prime!Sonic) has low empathy. Stolen from some probably-shady and possibly-unreliable site on the internet whose definition of empathy does otherwise seem to check out: "In general, empathy is the ability to understand or sense another person’s perspective, feelings, needs, or intentions, even when you don’t share the same circumstances. It can sometimes involve acting on that understanding, including offering help." And I ask, in what world does Sonic from the games lack empathy?????? He's literally the most empathic pep-talk-giving perspective-seeing help-providing understanding sweetheart on the entire planet with that definition!

I remember reading a post that proposed that Tails had high empathy and Sonic had low empathy, before Prime was a thing. And I had your identical "bruh???????" reaction. Sonic has low empathy? Literally where. Show me proof that any version of Sonic struggles to empathize with people. My man is actually pretty good at understanding others, as you accurately pointed out.

Anyway, I don't have ADHD and even I am getting annoyed at how it's been reduced to "hehe i'm soooooo silly and quirky and kiddy 🤪". If it's not Sonic, then it's characters like Tangle who has pretty much become a womanchild and fans defend her because she's "neurodivergent-coded".

Also, speaking of differences between Prime and Canon Sonic, while the latter was also relatively slow to the uptake to accept that he was not meeting his actual friends in Secret Rings and Black Knight, it was still not as ridiculous as the former, who apparently could not recognize that he was in the third different AU in a row and still was all "oh Tails am I glad to see you!".

And apparently Apple Metal was built to be like Sonic but way more obnoxious about it, which prompts Sonic to say "if I'm half as annoying as you I need to change". Which. *sigh*

and i'm pretty sure there was a boom character like that, but boom apparently sucks ass now while prime is the best western show ever. okay

[stackslip]

Do you have any book recs on mormons and cults? I wanna know more about them for a school presention and I think you mentioned that they're your special interest a while ago, but I'm not sure. If you have any other media recs on them, that would be helpful too. Sorry in advance if I got you mixed up with another user, just ignore this if I did

yeah you got me there i am indeed the person who has a special interest in mormons for some fucking reason. anyhow.

my entry point to learning about them was actually the podcast mormon stories, who mostly do interviews with ex members or people who are a lot more nuanced today and went through a faith crisis. it's accessible to nevermos (aka people who were never mormon) and while it has its issues (the hosts being insufferably liberal for one) there are some genuinely great in-depth interviews from people from all walks of life who talk about being raised in the faith or converting, missions, gender roles and the construction of the mormon family, practices and other issues. many of them express that they believe mormonism to be a cult, some are more hesitant to do so--but they make compelling arguments that it's at least a high control group that has a high exit cost--in terms of family and friends cutting or icing you out, in terms of general support, in terms of how much it shapes your worldview and how difficult it is to even consider leaving, even when staying is actively harmful.

the podcast also hosts a series called LDS discussions which focuses on mormon truth claims--about the veracity of the book of mormon, historical developments in the mormon church (including polygamy and joseph smith), racism in the church, and more. however they're long and also i think you need a certain amount of familiarity with the subject--the goal of the series is mainly to reach out to members of the LDS church and try to give them information they might have been deprived from, since the church actively hides or partially obscures information about things such as polygamy or the construction of the book of mormon. this would be a bit too long to look into for a class tbh, so instead i'm gonna give you other resources and this is just if you ever wanna dig more into the subject.

the podcast unfinished: short creek is specifically about the flds cult--fundamentalist polygamists who are known bc their prophet warren jeffs was arrested for child sexual abuse. the podcast focuses on the history of the cult, including its origins in mainstream mormonism and how it's at odds with the lds church today, as well as how current members try to continue living their faith in increasingly restrictive conditions and while having to live in the same town as "apostates", ex members who either left voluntarily or were forced out of the flds but decided to stay in the city. it's a genuinely fantastic and compassionate podcast series which tbh is a good way to segway into the history of the modern LDS church and if you're interested in cults, compare and contrast this to the church.

in terms of books, here are a few that are definitely more accessible and digestable than these long podcasts. keep in mind in terms of sources you might be looking for that mormons have a long tradition of publishing their own histories on the subject (and sometimes doing semi decent to pretty good academic work, although the latter tends to be reprimanded by the church if it strays too far out of bounds) and that there's also a huge anti-mormon evangelical movement who will post a lot of true shit mixed with bullshit about the lds church not bc they're worried about its actual issues, but because they believe mormons are fake christians they need to save.

a bit of a pop book, but really fascinating entry into the subject of the mormon church and its culture past and present is the book under the banner of heaven by jon krakauer. it's a comparison to the origins of the LDS church in the 19th century and a murder that took place in the 80s by a splinter group of mormons who claimed to have rediscovered the true church. please do not watch the tv series.

if you want more "academic" stuff, the book mormon america by joan and richard ostling is a general decent overview of the history of the church, its theology and its practices by the early 21st century (keep in mind its practices are evolving and some aspects are outdated) and some of its main issues and demography. i think it tries a bit too hard to be "neutral" at times and it's written by christians who are sympathetic to (white, middle class) mormons and try to portray them to their fellow (white, middle class) christians in a more sympathetic light, but it's good in terms of giving some basic facts to non-mormons who might be confused about the basic theology and what makes mormons so different from Regular Christians

if you want more on the early history of the church, the book no man knows my history by fawn brodie, if you can get your hands on it, is one of the first real and non LDS church approved biographies of joseph smith, founder and key figure of the church.

unfortunately i haven't found any decent biography of brigham young yet--which is a shame because the dude is a way more fascinating figure than joseph imo, and *more* responsible for the continuation and establishment of the church than joseph is. blood of the prophets: brigham young and the mountain meadows massacre by will bagley is a good if dry account of one of the worst acts that was at least condoned by him, and it gives context for ealry mormon settlement in utah, but unfortunately not much more.

mormon polygamy: a history by richard van wagoner is a very good account of the practice of polygamy and it gives by proxy a lot of context of the early mormon church post-joseph, as well as the establishment of utah and conflicts between mormons and the federal government.

a book i haven't read yet but gotten extracts from and heard good stuff about it is watchman on the tower: ezra taft benson and the making of the mormon religious right by matthew l harris. it explains how a more recent mormon prophet's anti communist and anti civil right views and activism (and his involvement in the john birch society) have radicalized mormons to this day, leading to the vast majority of them being deeply conservative and voting republican en masse, despite being despised by other white christians. it also talks a lot about the role of race in the church. if you're interested specifically about modern mormons and their political uniformity, this is a good one to read into.

if you want to read more on the church's control on its members finances, i'd suggest to begin with the recent ensign peak scandal. mormon stories has a few eps covering the subject that explains to non members why so many people have been upset by it--including the fact that members have been threatened with excommunication and denied access to mormonism's highest sacriments because they weren't considered to pay enough tithing.

in general on the cult/high demand front, i'd suggest you also check out the subreddit r/exmormon, where a lot of members who are leaving the church discuss these issues and have a number of resources on the subject, including for people just leaving or doubting.

i have other sources but...... it is 3:24am lol. if you have questions on a particular subject please don't hesitate to ask

edit: i forgot to talk about missionaries FUCK. easily the most cultish aspect of mormonism. uhhhh STRONGLY recommend checking mormon stories and looking for stories about missions in particular, many of them talk about how high demand missions are and how their role is less to convert souls and more to radicalize and fully indoctrinate young mormons. they're incredibly unsafe and fucked up and mandate mutual surveillance and constant violations of privacy and tend to work young missionaries to the bone and grind them until they can do nothing but comply

[selamat-linting]

okay so i just watched my movie 14! its an interesting web serial. i really miss slenderverse horror. and to see that its only just begun, how fun! here is some barely coherent thoughts :

-to explain the premise badly, it is this : local youtuber becomes victim of elaborate trolling campaign by demons.

-hm, based from what i gather, this is the situation (cmiiw) : mile starts a youtube channel, they are going to close down the channel due to lack of interests, but they were sent a message from amon (introduction video)

-throughout this several month period, mile started to get increasingly agitated, showing the classic telltale signs of slender sickness (coughing in the hotel video) (looking over cameras and beating the shit out of people that cares about your wellbeing in the secret remember video), and did several things under amon's influence. at first, they simply think amon is just a helpful benefactor to their channel, but amon starts to get even more present in mile's life until they even questioned if amon had access to their personal files (hotel video) this is confirmed in the caption under 8, which is encrypted in caesar cypher.

-amon is a demon. referenced in the lesser keys of solomon as the demon over life and reproduction and it is said to induce eagerness and reconcile friends and enemies, something that are also referenced in the captions in 8 (induces eagerness) and hotel (the quote referencing poe's the raven poem) (also possible connection with mile inducing brian and nina to suicide?) it often took the form of a man with raven's head or a man with dog teeth. if his nickname wasnt obvious enough, one of the secret videos spelled it out by displaying the sigil and another secret video (remember) shows mile ecstatic over receiving a copy of lesser keys ars goetia and ended up with them looking dejected and throwing away the book

-that scene can be interpreted in two ways. it either show mile opening the book and finally realizing that amon is not a person as they read the entries, or a jump cut to the future while the early scenes is them during the early times of working with amon and the next is a scene of them opening the book again after significant damage has occured and throwing it away in regret / disgust. i think its the latter

-anyway, back to mile's work partnership with amon. dead animals at my door is the biggest information so far of what they done under amon. a notable thing is that they have "silenced" aunt penelope and is responsible for the brian and nina suicide (perhaps by way of magic from ars goetia? the bloodied state of the book during remember indicates mile might have been using it to do these awful things. they might have summoned amon to the physical world, or they might provide brian and nina as sacrifices, whethere its on purpose or something they did accidentally as they become intrigued in fact-checking the spells in the book they were given)

-one thing for sure is that brian and nina is murdered because/for amon. the caption, relating them as the lovers card placed them both under the bindings of a demon (referred to as ANGEL)

-this is mile at their worst. they have killed possibly three people and knocked out their brother (OH NO HERE COMES MILE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR) anyway, one thing im intrigued with is that, other than their brother (the editor) not remembering anything about the fight that lead mile to running away to a hotel, he also say that he doesnt know mile that well during the phone conversation with cody (8). i think his amnesia extends far, not just during the time mile is influenced by amon, but also for their entire life. its a common occurence for slenderverse protagonists unfortunately. mile and the editor might actually have a close relationship for all we know. and the various references on their home life (you'll end up just like mom and dad) (i left the house when i was 16) made me start to think that their parents arent just the boring flavor of abusive, but might even responsible for mile and the editor to be trapped with amon. look, mile has always suffered from hallucinations, are they picked up by amon because of this vulnerability? or is this because mile was meant to be amon's plaything from the very start?

-for now though, it almost seems like mile accidentally sold their soul for youtube fame to a demon (wow, demons these days are catching up with the times. also, whatever deal mile made, i dont think its worth it. like, if i had to kill three people, i should at least have mr beast level of view counts lol)

-another asides : the stalker? who are you? you seem to be inhabiting (heheh) mile's body but the mask was meant for cody. this stalker however, simply knows more things that they let on. it could be cody, sending out cryptic warnings ala tim's alter ego masky in marble hornets or a future version of mile that has went through unimaginable eldritch horrors until their personhood is twisted beyond recognition but now they might have a chance in running away from amon ala firebrand in t12. could be the editor himself, a supressed version of him that remembers everything that went down during the few months before mile's death.

-one thing for sure. stalker speaks in riddles. they add videos, change captions, put out morse codes and caesar cyphers and quotes referencing things that are relevant to our investigation. they also refer that there are three people presiding over the channel.

-my obvious and strongest guess would be the editor, the stalker, and amon watching over the whole thing. however, based on typing quirks alone we could guess that there are another secret man on the channel.

-one would be editor. two would be stalker, but the third... they could have posted only the captions on the article video, since it was a drastic departure in style than the quotes and cyphers. or disregarding that video, we can divide the captions as either cyphers or quotes. the cyphers could be the mysterious person, calling out the editor to remember and to listen to mile's warning (who could be the one posting references to ars goetia so editor would stay away or learn how serious the being theyre dealing with)

-however, the most confusing is the captions in the 28.10.22, it is weirdly sincere and direct. it could be a message for the editor (line about finding closure)

-based on the rather straightforward message, i feel like its the kind of things the stalker would say. and also, i might be reaching here, but if the stalker did speak using quotes, then referencing a stanza from poe's the raven could be a subtle expression of grief and apology (the poem was about a guy feeling haunted by a raven because he felt grief over lenore's death) while warning that theyre dealing with a demon with a raven head. im leaning over the "the stalker is corrupted!mile" prediction because of this

-take all of this with a grain of salt though. there are plenty of things i havent looked over twice. we dont even know how amon could be another iteration of slenderman other than his victims suffering from similar diseases. if i have the time, i'll revisit and make another post about my theories. cant wait to see this series grow :)

[shiraishi--kanade]

(in reply to the aphantasia answer (it wouldnt fit in a comment and i do have one or two follow-ups if you dont mind)) (edit post-writing: this is such a long ask LMAO no pressure to answer all of it)

oh this is so interesting…. im a very visual person (to an unfortunate extent) so i think we’re opposites in regards to reading interests- i adore extensive metaphors and elaborate descriptions of actions/worldbuilding. it makes a lot of sense that to-the-point stuff works better for you though- also your explanations on the ‘mathematical’ approach were excellently written, thank you :)

since you said you mostly rely on aural senses when it comes to thought processes, do you think youre more of an auditory learner then? or is it just the case where it’s useful mostly for reading?

also,, because you have to rely so much on figuring out meaning and the ‘why’ and the purpose of descriptions, do you think you have a better or worse understanding of body language and what to look for as opposed to the ‘average’ person / how it would’ve been given you didnt have aphantasia? im mostly asking in the context of interpersonal interaction

also also please dont worry about rambling on for however long youd like (or even expressing/explaining things outside of the given question) unless it’s something you’re uncomfortable doing — learning about people like this is something i take a lot of genuine enjoyment from, so in a way this is a bit of a selfish act akdhajs

Interesting questions! Let's see what I can tell haha

1. I'm actually a little conflicted about the "learner styles" since, as far as I'm aware, it has been debunked as a myth a while ago. Now I'm not a psychologist, I just study it on a higher education level (as a part of my major), but regardless I don't think it works that way? I think we're confusing the ability to recall information (memory) and the actual process of understanding and applying information, because of how much our educational systems, as well as understanding of "education" in general, has been built on reproduction of the the information instead of applying or analysing it. While the ability to recall, I think, might vary by person to person basis, the actual process of learning seems to be more or less uniform. In the latter sense I am like a majority of people, and am best learning through application of skill. But if we're talking about which type of memory (= therefore remembering information) works best for me, then yeah, probably auditory with tactile as a close second. With that said I never found it particularly helpful with studying, only that in my observation if the information is solely presented in visual way (e.g graphs and stuff) then it often will go over my head completely. I think aphantasia is definitely more hindering than anything when it comes to learning, I haven't noticed any particular benefits? But eh, might be different for different people!

2. In interpersonal interaction? Absolutely worse, but I don't think it's because aphantasia necessarily as much as due to the fact that I have ✨autism✨ (which I think might likely be misdiagnosed adhd or audhd neurotype. And I'm also not diagnosed officially. I was 6 when my mom was told I "probably" had Asperger's and that's it pretty much. But hey I'll take it as a credible evidence). Although the two might be linked.

Back to the point, I just really suck at being a person in general because of it. I have no idea what it's like to not be neurodivergent so I can't say with confidence if I would be better or worse off with interpreting body language/facial expressions if I only had aphantasia, unfortunately.

Those are a very non-answer answers. Sorry. (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

[kariachi]

Sorry still a little bit on that idea of an alternative story to The Color Of Monkey-

Little kids in Undertown have been just vanishing and given he is setting himself up as The Person in Charge and is a local hero the parents and guardians turn to Argit about it

(Bonus points if we see this in the cold open and it leans heavy into The Godfather)

Should they be turning to the Plumbers instead? Maybe, but Argit's not about to argue because 1) more power and influence, and 2) this is a post-Rooters Argit and he's not trusting the Plumbers with a fucking pet rock nonetheless children, for all he knows they're the ones behind this

As a result, Argit calls up Ben and Rook to get them on the case, because at least them he can trust more that the rest of that lot

He would have called Kevin, has total faith between the two of them they could handle this matter, but given kids are involved figured it would be better to have fuckers he could trust to not lose their temper and straight-up dismantle a fucker in front of the kids

This is all well and good, all the norm, but Ben and Rook about do a double take when he joins them for the mission

Argit's excuses include 'has seen Rook in action and doesn't think Ben can carry his ass dealing in the criminal underworld' and 'have to keep up heroic appearances for political purposes', but over the course of the story it becomes clearer and clearer that his true motivations lean harder into 'Kevin and I have both been that kid snatched up for some jackass's own purposes and despite everything some part of me is still that kid that stayed near danger for his only friend and when he saw that friend go on a murderous rampage risked himself to try to help everybody'

Again, much better if he's going to have a good relationship with Ben's kids later to have an episode that goes 'whatever else he is and does, Argit isn't letting any kids go through anything like he did' rather than what we actually got

What exactly is the evil plot of the day? Is it another 'selling kids as food' thing? Easy slave labor? Throw them in a pit and watch them struggle? Not a clue but it gets dealt with and all the kids are rescued we are not having sad or bittersweet endings here

Argit needs to play a major role in handling shit, either he's helpful with the dealing with fuckers or he turns out to be damn good with little kids and gets them the fuck out of dodge while Ben and Rook handle the fighting- more likely the latter than the former, as much as The Color Of Monkey and some of the Rooters Arc shows there's a steel pipe to beat someone with at the core of the bastard he's not a fighter by preference, better to take advantage of his fucking off abilities to get the kids safe

Mind you I would not turn down a scene where they're trying to get information out of someone and Argit goes full 'my bestfriend isn't Kevin 11 for nothing' mode to the shock of Ben and Rook and the full intimidation of whatever bastard they're dealing with, but we can't have everything in this world

Needs to end with another 'Argit is a hero to a crowd' scene, he is returning the kids after all, but this one giving indication that he's not necessarily playing a part for his own benefit anymore as much as he is slipping into a role some part of him was made for, or at least heading in a direction where that's going to be true

Which itself would point back at the universe where Argit has the Omnitrix, and is at least good enough to be presented as an option for Team Good Bens, and to have seemingly not been looked at by Team Bad Bens when they even went after the firmly Team Good Bens 23

Final scene is Ben and Rook watching this and acknowledging that maybe they can start to see why Kevin's kept him as a friend so long and despite everything, end off with a joke about how they're still not voting for him though

[pluralismajestatis]

Potentially crossposted content.

I admit nothing, but -

had our first session with a new therapist yesterday.

She's studying to specialise in trauma/dissociation, so I'm probably one of the first of these patients she's treating as a specialist. My first impression of her is that I love her and the way she goes on about her job, it feels really natural and like I'm really being heard and listened to, which... was really lacking in the latter part of my previous therapy attempt when my therapist ran out of juices due to personal reasons.

We ran a bit overtime on our session, which I honestly found adorable, like, wow, she seems to enjoy chatting with me enough to let it run past the allocated time slot? Awesome.

It's really scary, though, in a lot ways, because this is the first time I'm doing proper face to face therapy in general, though I've spent years and years in outpatient treatment it's just not really the same, the general feel of setting up a therapy relationship that might last for a decade+ is totally different and exactly what I really need after going 20 years with my contact constantly swapping out at the one or two year mark, which has been... destabilising, to say the least.

She was also really interested in my presentation, which was interesting to me, because I don't really get to hear how other people (especially professionals) observe me in general. Though I was explicitly bringing forwards some observations about myself, she was noting other things that were escaping me or that I didn't see as abnormal, and connecting dots between different things I was bringing up that in my mind were unrelated to dissociation but were related from her perspective. Apparently sitting beside myself observing my reactions and behaviour is a dissociative symptom, lol. It's just what I do - I'm constantly aware of how I'm behaving, what symptoms I'm presenting, like a scientist with a notebook observing animal behaviour in different settings. Like yeah that sounds dissociative, but I thought it was more like... I'm just trained to do this. I guess it would show differently if I wasn't entirely spaced out from my own head all of the time?

Similarly, I noticed really interesting things about myself during the session, like that my body language and behaviour were extremely anxious with rapid speech and lots of fidgeting, and felt teary on multiple occasions physically, but I didn't actually feel shit internally and talking about my life or trauma or anything never affects me mentally in any capacity, I bring it up like it's the weather. I apparently also always start stuttering and stammering and using a lot of qualifiers and filler words when I start talking about dissociation and particularly the system/parts because I just cannot hold a thought together and my sentences vanish from my head midway through, which upon reflecting with my most disclosure-critical protector seems to be a new behaviour to restrict the amount of information I can "babble" out so it doesn't injure the system overall. (We still have no clue how any of this happens, nobody's consciously controlling it, but at least we can observe.) When we first started exploring the dissociative symptoms, I often got reprimanded by and in trouble with this protector because I was telling too much and he felt that it was profoundly unsafe and unwise, but when I checked with him after this appointment, he just told me I'm okay and getting on my case about it didn't help either way because I'm too timid and easily harmed by conflict, so the "blocking" of disclosure works better than dialogue. Lol? I guess.

Also chose the approach of not really bringing my diagnoses into the therapy just yet, because it honestly doesn't matter what they are, I'm there to treat my actual issues, not labels. So while I'm diagnosed with DID, we seemed to be in agreement with the therapist that not strictly focusing on that but rather observing what's generally going on right now is the most important part. She's very respectful and accepting of my own reporting of my identity and experience, so I never felt the need to be pushing specifics with her as long as we're focusing on the right things and communicating openly - I thought I'd be more protective of these "labels", because I've always had to fight to have my actual experiences recognised and listened to, from the most basic things like depression and anxiety upwards, but it just never felt necessary here. She was already pointing out multiple dissociative symptoms in how I was presenting to her, besides the parts that I'd disclosed, and I feel like that's exactly the right approach to be taking for now. Just mapping out what's actually happening versus what's been labeled beforehand, particularly because my goddamn history with mental health care is so patchy and nobody's really ever taken the time of day to figure it all out. She's also very caution first in her approach, careful not to push into territories that are unsafe and putting the breaks on me with constant checks on if I'm okay talking about this topic or if I'm feeling resistance internally on talking about it, etc., which felt really safe.

Anyway. Yep. Had a good time.

[starvingtongue]

Today we're looking at how The Watcher gained full sentience/consciousness. Originally the Guardians weren't meant to be fully sentient, only partially. They were supposed to have just enough sentience to respond to certain stimuli, mainly in reference to guarding the Vaults and any other locations the Eridians deemed necessary, but also respond to any orders from the Eridians themselves with very little pushback. The ones who put up any type of firm resistance were permenatly killed and their souls weren't put back into a new body.

Nyriad mentions in the 'Keen' echolog that she's heard Guardians speak to each. She also mentions that she's noticed some of them are keener than others. Which leads me to believe that some Guardians are more sentient than others, which we obviously see with The Watcher, The Overseer, etc., but it also happens amongst the more 'regular' Guardians as well. This kind of ties into what this post says, with that the more times a Guardian has been 'reborn', the more sentient it becomes.

This all works fine and dandy for regular Guardians, who might gain more information, knowledge, control, feelings, etc. over their own existence over the hundreds of years they've been alive, but not for Guardians like The Watcher. Guardians like the Seer, the Watcher, the Overseer, feel waaay too intelligent for this continuous cycle to have made them the level of consciousness or sentience that they have. This isn't to say that The Watcher hasn't already died several times prior to achieving full sentience, but it's not the dying over and over again that helped them achieve it.

No, what helped The Watcher achieve full sentience/consicousness was watching Nyriad 'kill' the Eridians back on Nekrotafeyo. But The Watcher knew one thing that Nyriad didn't and that was the machine that Nyriad used on the Eridians helped them go back to their original dimension, leaving all the Guardians behind. It was made to look like Nyriad had killed all the Eridians by feeding them to the Destroyer (mainly because Nyriad had no idea what she was actually doing with the machine), but in reality. the Eridians had realised they'd screwed up with the Destroyer and wanted to get out of there. If it meant leaving all the Guardians they'd created behind, so be it, they didn't care, they could create more.

And I am fully running with the idea that The Watcher was the one that watched Nyriad 'kill' all the Eridians back on Necrotafeyo (the Echo Log in question is 'Watcher' and starts at roughly 2:03 on this video). And I'm not saying this sentience happened instantly either. No, it took a couple more rebirths for that to happen, and when it happened, they were pissed. They struggled with their new emotions for quite a while after this turn of events, before setting in motion their plan. The same goes for quite a few other Guardians, both semi-sentient, and ones like The Watcher. When The Watcher regaled them with the story of what happened (backed up by a couple of other Guardians that had been present when all the Eridians 'died'), they realised what their 'masters' had done.

I think a lot of the Guardians haven't reached the level of sentience that The Watcher has. I think there's a range of them having little sentience (ones that are predominantly guarding the Vaults) to a middling amount (ones that can kind of think and feel for themselves, but can't outright shake their original orders of doing xyz). The latter of which could be ones like The Overseer, where they're clearing capable of indepedant thoughts and feelings, but (as far as wel know), can't leave the proving grounds, even if they wanted to. The Watcher feels like an extreme example of a Guardian that's gained sentience AND been able to break free of their original orders to go wherever they want, speak about whatever they want, etc.

[true-blue-sonic]

Silver says that he can't lie in his Sonic Channel intro story, I don't know if I agree that he's supposed to be gullible since he's been shown to be both paranoid and perceptive at times and even the specifics of Mephiles deceiving him and Blaze have been debated. Outside of comics no one has tried to deceive him since the Rivals games so I can't say for certain.

In '06, while I think a large part of Silver's actions can be explained by his desperation about the world being destroyed and his frustration about Iblis being undefeatable, I do feel that he simply is gullible there. A complete stranger shows up and rattles about chickens and eggs and origins, and what he says checks out and provides Silver the exact solution he's been looking for! And Mephiles furthermore never tells Silver any actual lies or direct misinformation! But Silver is not shown to question anything about Mephiles' motives, why he only shows up now, why he is interested in saving the world, and why he suddenly disappears when Silver and Blaze are sent to the past to strangely reappear later and not even offer them more help. And to me, that does indicate a sense of naivete and gullibility. It's what I described in this post as well: the way I interpret is is that Silver is so honest and straight-laced and direct, he expects everyone else to be the same, for no other reason than that he is and he wants the world to be just and fair. Because he wants to save the world and undo Iblis, he expects Mephiles to share those exact same desires, just simply... because. Because it's the right thing, for him, and his line of reasoning at that point in '06 seems to be that if he thinks it is right, it is right. And that comes off as naive and not at all grounded in reality to me.

As for whether Silver is gullible in Rivals 1 and 2, I'd say a little bit yes and a lot more no than in '06. I've remarked before that Silver in the Rivals games can definitely be shrewd: he deduced correctly that "Eggman" was actually Eggman Nega based on context clues, paying good attention to what got actually said, and "Eggman's" own strange behaviours that were too familiar to the Nega he knows. He does let "Eggman" goad him into unnecessary fights with the promise that he'll be given answers if he defeats his opponents, which is then not fulfilled when he wins. But, well, the entirety of both Rivals games is built around that premise, so it wouldn't be fair to blame solely Silver for it if the manner of excuses used to start fights is nothing much deeper than "Rouge tripped Shadow", lol. So for Rivals, Silver seems to be less gullible, but his straighforward honesty mindset is definitely still present. He enters agreements with people (heroes and villains alike) who promise him information if he can fulfil their requirements multiple times despite nothing ever coming from it, and a simple "I believe you" from Espio with no further clarification for this change of heart is enough for Silver to immediately suggest a team-up despite the earlier antagonising between them. So not outright gullible and definitely more on top of the facts than in '06, but still not giving some of the situations he's in the thinking-over they require, I see it as.

The only two attempts of someone trying to 'deceive' Silver in the more recent 2010s that I can think of are Sonic in Generations where Silver states he thinks Sonic might be an imposter trying to get the Chaos Emerald, and Infinite in Forces waxing about crushing heroes and hopelessness. The former is solved easily enough with a battle ending in Sonic's favour, the latter is shot down by Silver accusing Infinite of lying and going on to the attack. But I quite like how Sonic Channel says that Silver cannot lie in his story (I believe he even specifically says it himself, right?); it aligns very well with his honest mindset, in my opinion! But overall, I figure Silver has actually become less gullible over the course of the games; he's a lot less trusting of whatever Eggman tells him in TSR and goes to his friends for help immediately after gathering information. So I do think he's come a long way from that specific bit of characterisation in '06!

[villanevehaus]

How do you outline/map out your story?

When you’re writing, do you stray from your outline? Or is it more like every single event/scene/action is a precursor to some other plot line?

I'll get to the other part of this ask in a separate post!

In terms of an outline, TME is a little different because I think if I were to create a definitive outline for the entire work front to back (like all my other works) it would feel somewhat confining- I like to allow for wiggle room/organic development in all my works but since TME is so huge and involves so much, that wiggle room has the potential to affect an event/events further down the line that could just kill a huge part of the latter half of the outline. Not Eve & her death wasn’t planned by any means but I realized that Villanelle hadn’t hit a ‘beat’ (more on this later) yet that she needed to regarding her feelings toward Eve, so I added it, and the story is better for it.

In terms of mapping it out so far though, I’ve done what I call a “script rip” (something I also always do for AUs that are based on other media) for the entirety of Hannibal’s season 1. What I basically do is “rip” the script (or the subtitle txt files) and put them into a document, then segment them into numbered scenes. This doesn’t mean that all of those scenes/pieces of dialogue will be included in the work, but it means that I don’t have to scrub through the episodes for a particular scene if I need a refresher. It’s like a reference sheet!

For TME I have three:

A general script rip that includes all scenes, including ones where Eve/Vil aren’t present. This helps me get a wider picture, including background character stuff that I need to keep on my radar.

One for Eve’s POV.

One for Vil’s POV.

They’re colour coded as [neither - highlighted] [Eve exclusive - blue] [Vil exclusive - yellow] and [both of them - green]. Here’s an example from ch11- don’t mind grammarly yelling at me:

Eg from the script rip: scene 111 takes place at the FBI with Eve’s team and contains a lot of information about the cello kill, and scene 109 is them investigating the corpse itself, but both the reader and Vil need that info, so I rework the dialogue in scene 112 to include that information. I then also add my own dialogue in scene 112 that adds a few more layers to the conversation about 1. cannibalism 2. Abigail, two things that will have more ramifications down the line. In order to work this in, I had to do research about human body parts in instruments and cannibalism. I was straight up lucky that the Asmat people were documented to have participated in both because otherwise this conversation would have been a hell of a lot harder to involve in a way that doesn’t feel forced. 

I think I say this nearly every time I have to work within a few scenes but the Hannibal scripts really only make ‘sense’ in terms of watching the episode- and like, duh, its a television script, but this sometimes means the scene that I’m writing contains dialogue that I have to bend over my knee in order to make it make actual conversational sense while also serving a purpose of delivering information. In TV it makes sense for there to be a 15-second conversation that serves a purpose- in writing, not so much. If you’re watching the episode where there’s a scene that shows mothers being killed, Will and Hannibal talking about Will’s mother, and then another scene where another mother is killed, that scene in the middle makes perfect sense. If you aren’t, that conversation about Will’s mother makes no goddamn sense- especially if I’m writing from Vil’s POV, as she isn’t the one at the crime scenes! So sometimes when I’m writing from one character’s POV I’ll need info from a scene that they’re not in.

I touched on it briefly in the previous ask I answered about my writing process but I try very hard to balance the chapters by ‘story beats’ rather than length: if something major happens in the chapter, I want That to be the main focus of the chapter, and I want it to be able to breathe in comparison to everything else in the chapter. If it takes 10k, it takes 10k- if it takes 3k, I’m not stretching it to 5k for the sake of it. This includes original scenes as well as canon scenes, which can get tricky! But I enjoy trying to pace it all out. 

When it comes to my original scenes I actually don’t have anything at all like the script rip, but I know what ‘beats’ Eve and Vil need to hit (both individually and together) in line with the events of Hannibal’s canon. Sometimes I’ll write scenes that won’t happen for a while because it helps serve as a function of a target to reach- not so much in word count or like a ‘goal’ but in terms of “when this event happens, they should be like this in terms of their relationship/personalities/things they know/don’t know, so let’s make sure we’re on track.” I’ve already written their first time(s), Vil being stabbed, Eve being shot, Vil killing her patient, because I need those to act as markers to work from/around/toward.

This gets kind of complicated and I’m going to try and do my best to articulate it but I also am a firm believer in 1. Show, don’t Tell, and 2. said ‘beats’ don’t have to happen on paper in order for it to happen. Show, don’t Tell works just as well (and imo sometimes more effectively) when you’re shown after the fact. The clearest example I can give of this is from Eve Undone:

In chapter 24 of EU we were walked through Vil’s feelings on the breakup and the six months following. She’s moving on (letting Elena take things from her house, writing poems, going to adoption meetings) without moving on emotionally- it’s clear that she still loves Eve and she’s not going to stop, but knows that she has to get on with life because being with Eve is impossible... but because it’s from Vil’s POV we don’t see anything at all as to how Eve is handling things, all we have to give us any insight into how Eve is handling things is the note she gives Vil. When they reconnect, you’re immediately Shown that not only has Eve kept Vil’s ring (the ring that you’ve been Told reminds her of Vil’s eyes, and that she considers to be a piece of Vil) but she’s wearing it on her wedding finger, which serves as being Shown that she’s gotten divorced before being Told through dialogue. You were Told that Elena took Eve’s stuff from Vil’s house, but then you’re Shown that Vil still wears the pendant- and so does Eve. You get to experience being Shown that they both still love one another with them, you’re not Told that they still love one another before they know it. You as the reader know exactly what those pendants mean, that’s why it affects them when they realize that neither of them took them off, and why it affects you! Similarly to the reveal of Vil having kept a little box of Eve’s things; I didn’t Tell the reader that she’d packed up her things (giving them something to look forward to- Eve’s reaction), I Showed the reader at the same time as Eve, so you’re experiencing the “oh my god, she kept the pyjamas” just like Eve is in the moment. 

God, I hope that made sense. 

SO! In terms of how this relates to TME, there area LOT of events to navigate between being shown and told: in chapter 1 I Tell you, “Eve doesn’t do friends.” In chapter 6, I Show you why that is- Bill’s death, and then I Show you how heavily she’s been impacted by both his death and the immense guilt she feels about being ‘responsible’ for it. In chapters 7&8, I Tell you that Eve is sober. In chapter 12, I Show you (part of, hehe) why- Bill’s death affected her to the point of extreme alcoholism that got to the point where it was compromising her job severely (also her marriage but we all know she didn’t care ab that). In the inverse, I’ve Told you that Vil helps Abigail hide Nick’s body- you don’t gain anything from being Shown that happening, so I didn’t. I’ve Told you that there’s something behind Villanelle’s panty bookcase, but it’s not going to serve a purpose (yet) if I Show you, so I don’t.

Swinging back to the plot aspects, I have general beats that I know I have to hit- both pre-TME and during TME- at relatively the same time. I have a timeline for Eve that leads up to chapter one of TME (being an army brat, college, CIA, Bill, Niko, being shot, the move to the FBI, etc) that I’m aligning with the current story. So the Bill chapter is placed where it is because it offers insight into not only the following chapters but how she is in the preceding chapters as well. Everything in my writing is very intentional! If the reader notices a detail that raises flags, it’s probably for a good reason- even if the characters don’t catch it. 

Another thing that’s super fun (and sometimes a massive pain) is that I’m writing a story from the POVs of two unreliable narrators who both have deeply-buried and heavily-guarded secrets. Eve lies, refuses to talk about some things, avoids other things, which means that the reader is also hazy about what’s actually true when she talks about stuff- so Eve might Tell Villanelle something, and then the next chapter I might Show you something that retroactively Tells you that Eve was lying. I think in terms of characters this acts as a huge indicator of trust, though! I’ve Shown you how affected Eve has been by Bill’s death, that she doesn’t talk about it... but now she’s Told Villanelle!!! This is why having that established timeline for each character is a necessity because I, the Author, know all the objective truths and exactly when everyone is lying, and why.

Pulling this aaalllllllll together, this means that I work with 1. the NBC Hannibal plotlines that I’m keeping (cases, etc) 2. the ones I’m not keeping 3. my own story original plotlines (both past & present) 4. POV flips, which changes how the information pertaining to 1,2&3 is delivered 5. the character plotlines 6. relationship plotlines 7. balancing an appropriate Beat weight for each chapter!

I feel like I’ve talked in a massive circle but I hope that answers some of your questions?!

[eolewyn1010]

Interesting stuff and stuff I'd like to believe too! Frankenstein's not the only story that has incest, one of them she wrote pretty much a self insert who had an incestuous relationship with dad, and she sent it to her dad (who hated it lol), and she lost her virginity on her mom's grave... so I can't help but wonder

O...kay then?

See, you can believe about Mary Shelley whatever you like, and it'll probably be better informed than what I believe, seeing as I don't know all that much about her, biographically speaking. But I do have to wonder why you keep coming back to me about a point I have already said I don't care much for.

In the name of good faith, I'll discuss this to my best knowledge (which is, as mentioned, not much). Trigger warning for mention of child abuse, so I'll set a cut this time. Will be for the best anyway since this essay is longer. tl;dr - still no.

I looked up the story you mentioned, and I found Mathilda. I haven't read it, and it sounds way too dreary for me to invest money in it, so I'll work with what I've gathered from articles. Please note that I am obviously not completely informed.

Mathilda doesn't feature an incestuous relationship between the father and daughter. It features the father confessing his desire for his daughter, and then promptly committing suicide. As it was with Victor Frankenstein and Elizabeth, the incest itself doesn't take place; the "pair" is parted by death before consummation.

I think the evidence for Mathilda being Mary Shelley's self-insert is pretty thin. She's a depressed young woman dealing (or rather, failing to deal) with loss, fair enough, and her mother died shortly after her birth. So yeah, that sounds like a good case for autobiographical elements - but the crucial relationship doesn't qualify. Mathilda is raised away from her father and they only meet when she is already 16, and off we go with the unholy desires. Mary Shelley was very much a daddy's girl, was raised exclusively by him for the first several years even. We have a very different emotional situation here. So no, this doesn't convince me of Mary Shelley's incest fetish.

The theme of suicide is as present in Mathilda as is that of incest - more so, perhaps, because while the father's desire seems to be one-sided, both he and the daughter wish to take their own lives at some point; he does so successfully, she dies another way. If I had to take Mathilda the autobiographical way, this is what would jump out at me, hinting at a severe depression Mary Shelley might have had after the death of her children. The incestuous element may have been the trigger, but the tragedy discussed is loss - it might even be guilt, seeing as Mary Shelley's relationship with Percy Shelley resulted in the suicide of the latter's first wife.

Incest in literature was kind of a Thing in Regency. Jane Austen dealt with it before Shelley, Emily Brontë dealt with it after Shelley, and especially Gothic literature features it a lot. Percy Shelley had it occuring in Laon and Cythna, Lord Byron strongly implied it in Manfred (although he actually had a direct autobiographical reference for that), Edgar Allen Poe had The Fall of the House of Usher. It seems to me like that was just the shortcut for Romance Doomed To Fail back in the day; compare today's dead horse trope in YA literature - the goddamn love triangle wherein our heroine tragically has to choose between two equally attractive, equally bland love interests. Incest was Regency literature's go-to for a tragic romance subplot, and frankly, it can be just as cheap.

Then there's the angle of doomed to fail, of never consummated. Comparable to the medieval idea of courtly love, incest as Mary Shelley depicts it is a desire never to be fulfilled. Elizabeth dies a virgin, Mathilda's father rather kills himself than touch her. This plays into the argument I've already made before - that, at least when it comes to Frankenstein, the entire incestuous relationship is weirdly de-sexualized. Even if Shelley's interest in this subject were singular in Regency literature, I still wouldn't read it as fetish material. There are no overt sexual fantasies in it; the relationships are tragic and leave one party seriously bitter and broken.

Compare this with Flowers in the Attic. Or, worse, compare it with basically all Marion Zimmer Bradley has ever written. And the latter sexually abused her own children - if anyone can safely be said to have had an incest fetish, it's her. These days, I'm incapable of looking at her writing without getting nauseous, because she used to milk incest for all the titillation she could get out of it. The way she wrote it, that was fetish material. It was sexually explicit, it was apologetic, it was even glorifying. Mary Shelley writes about incest as a tragedy, as a cruelty of fate, not as a big opportunity for smut.

And finally, the anecdote about her losing her virginity on her mother's grave. Uhm. Sure? That seems to be a thing? Couldn't find more than anecdotal reference to it; I don't have sources. If I wanna be petty, I can say that the references went on about the churchyard, not the grave, but that's a moot point bc I wouldn't know either way. It sure is a weird thing to do, although the relationship consummated here is still that of Mary and Percy Shelley, who is about as far removed from either of her parents as can be. Her mother was a nonentity in Mary Shelley's life. No idea if she fantasized about her, but it was not as if there was any real relationship to build upon. She had an actual and pretty complicated relationship with her father, but the fact that he hated her choice of a partner and advised her not to publish Mathilda doesn't convince me that there was anything incestuous between them.

[amomentofsonder]

*posting my 4-year-old write up from my private tumblr acct hehehe thought of sharing it out there after seeing a cute IG reel about the series heheheh

Post-Before

I came across a Facebook post about a fourth installment entitled Before the End on the widely-acclaimed Before series which has long been part of my watchlist. This prompted me to immediately start binge watching the trilogy -- Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight -- and I didn’t regret choosing this over the You series which I’ve bookmarked a site for since I don’t own any Netflix account as of this time. Most of us know how minimalistic the movies are since it revolves and highlights conversations which made the trilogy famous. The first (1994) and second movies (2004) highly focus on the two main characters’ conversations but on the third movie (2013), there was more improvement since there were multiple characters present. What makes the trilogy also special are the topics being covered throughout the dialogues which ranges from love, politics, music, books, movies, dreams, memories, and any other aspects of life. 

The story starts with an American tourist meeting a French student aboard a train after the latter transferred a seat across the former to stay away from a fighting couple. It was the summer of ‘94 when the conversation between a cynic Jesse and a romantic Celine started. The two walked around the streets of Vienna, talking and reminiscing, after Jesse convinced Celine to get off the train with him and continue their conversation. They only had an evening since Jesse will be returning to the US the next morning and Celine needs to return to Paris for school. They didn’t exchange information but planned on meeting six months after on the same place. Call my cynical but I believe this sort of situation only happens probably 20% in real life (???) because you may never know but the person you’re talking to is actually some kind of psycho killer or thief but I’m not denying that it’s romantic though. It’s just that the world is not a safe place to live in and we all have to be vigilant if we want to live. 

On the second movie, nine years after the events of the first, you could really see the drastic changes between the two main characters. Jesse, a now successful writer and a married man with a son named Hank, writes a book on his experiences nine years prior while Celine becomes an environmentalist and an activist with a long distance war photographer boyfriend. Everything was fine until Celine read his book and decided to attend his last book tour at her favorite bookshop in France. Sparks fly and their feelings once again reignited upon meeting but they only have an afternoon since Jesse is to fly back to the US in the evening. It was also known that Jesse actually went back to Vienna as planned. However, Celine was not able to make it due to her grandmother’s death which happened on the same day of their plan. In this movie, you could see how both characters were unhappy with their current situations despite their excellent contributions to their respective careers. Personally, I somehow relate myself with Celine and her unluckiness in her love life after having several ex-partners who each got married after breaking up with her and calling her thanking her how she helped them in knowing what love is. I mean, wow, are we grooming men to be the future husbands of other women??? Hahahaha I just can’t with the idea.

The third film is set another nine years after the events of Before Sunset. They are now together here with twins after Jesse divorced his wife in the US. They had a deal to have their son, Hank, visit them every Summer. This movie made so much improvements compared to the previous ones because it touched so many topics with multiple characters and conversations present and also highlights the conflict between Celine’s career and Jesse’s frustration in being a father with his elder son. The family are invited in Greece by a famous writer for a six-week vacation. The infamous fight between Jesse and Celine marks the climax of the movie and people were wondering if they would really end up 56 more years to match the 74 marriage years of Jesse’s grandparents. I can’t also help but relate with Celine, not as a mother but as a woman. Because of the patriarchal principles established in our society wherein women are expected to stay at home, tend to the children and the house -- the woman is capable and wants to do the things she loves to do that would empower her as an individual but finds it hard to do it because of being tied with her family. I understand Jesse’s dilemma as well since he is aware of the effects of their divorce to his son and there is this constant pressure of saving him from the impending effects who lives miles away from where they are based. Jesse wanting to be with Hank means Celine giving up her career thus, starting a conflict in their married life. If I were them, they can settle a schedule where Jesse travels to and fro to stay with Hank for a couple of weeks perhaps without neglecting his father and husband duties with Celine and Nina and Ella and then Celine can now go on with her plans and aspirations for her career. It may be hard but marriage and love consist of compromises and sacrifices for the ones you love and yourself. They just have to meet somewhere in between.

Remember when I said I started watching the trilogy after seeing snippets of Before the End with Jesse and Celine in a video call, separated? I probed a fan and apparently that wasn’t real and they were pieces of interviews put together to make it look legit. God, I was so relieved because I think I couldn’t bear yet the idea of them eventually separating given with that tense events in the third movie. It was a nice try for the fans though. At least it fooled me to finally start watching it hahahahahaah

The Before Series taught me so much about life that it really is not always magic and butterflies. The transformation of Celine from being a romantic French girl to a careful, fearful woman got me a lot and made me realize that it’s actually hard to find someone to spend your life with and appreciate mundane stuff with. Jesse’s cynical and depressed personality made him write books as a way of channeling his inner emotions and make them alive. People with deep emotions are usually the ones inclined to arts and I could never agree more. And of course, the connection established among people is something the series showed me and it’s one of the most important foundations in building relationships as long as you are honest and genuine within yourselves. 

The storyline was actually based on a real life event by the director of the trilogy himself. Apparently, the real woman inspired by Celine’s character died before the release of the Before Sunrise in which the director only knew of this in 2010.

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

There's No Trains To Heaven

Things I made this semester: A just barely 19 page long historiography paper. An accompanying 7 and a half page long research proposal with 22 page long annotated bibliography because I found too many interesting sources and had too much to say about them. An 8 page long paper about seditious speech that could have been a little shorter but I had too much to say about that, too. One data research analysis report (with accompanying fun bar graph). A basically functional, entirely responsive website with 7 individual pages (which I'm still putting the final touches on). In between all of this I recorded an eleven song album of nuclear reactor core folk ditties, all by my lonesome.

T’was a good semester.

I also changed my major. Again. This summer I'd declared a second major in history to go with my studies in emerging media and technology with a minor in web design. But I wasn't too sure about the latter degree. Part of why I was clinging to EMAT was plain ol' fear, to be completely honest. Not a crippling or conscious fear, but the oft-restated assumption lingering in the back of my head: it'll make you marketable. If you get a bachelor of arts, you'll either be out of a decent job or trapped in the stressful, low-paying world of education. Get that ~science~ certificate in your life and you'll be rolling in that dough and not destute, unlike those silly B.A. kids.

Well, I don't necessarily agree with that train of thought. Having had the concept of "STEM" shoved down my throat in even middle school, I've grown critical of the importance we place on those fields specifically. As vital as technology and science are, you also have to realize that the social sciences are just as useful to, well, society. Yet such fields are looked down upon. No wonder people nowadays are barely capable of critical thought, take everything (especially media) at face value, and barely know the basic facts about their own country's past. It's because we condition kids to doze off in their classes and not take education on any level seriously, especially not the subjects associated with boring, stuffy things like reading and interpreting and thinking. Too much hard work, let's rah-rah the football team instead.

Learning history and connecting it to the present is one of the most important things you can do to become a more aware citizen, and it's time we stop pushing this culture of self-consciousness over what people think of us because of our degrees or careers and actually work on ourselves to actually get some informed participation in society. As for the career part, my workplace on campus is proof enough to me that studying history can get you a fulfilling job that lets you utilize the skills you honed and information about the wider world you picked up in your studies. It helps you connect with people and their past experiences. It helps you contextualize the world you currently live in. And by studying things objectively, it helps you become a more logical person less swayed by disgusting propagandic appeals to emotion. It just helps you become a better person. Realizing that that is the path I want to take, as opposed to sticking with a major I just wasn't fully jiving with in the name of some enigmatic ideal of making my chosen institution proud or something, is very freeing.

The web design minor is staying because I just genuinely love twiggling around with my little HTML and CSS files and applying my graphic design Skillz in that manner. On the other hand, I've picked up another minor: creative writing. I've always taken my writing abilities for granted; I'm a great writer, I'd say. But only now have I really felt empowered (to use a cheesy term for lack of a better one) to express it in a creative way - and not just in the songwriting department. I think I felt for a while that I had to suppress my "creative" side in order to appear serious to...I don't even know who I was trying to appeal to. But my brain has been firing off in too many directions lately, and has been too inspired by the world around me and my various influences to let my individual perspective linger in the background. I gotta do me.

So I went from English while enrolling --> Journalism because I was under the assumption that all the English majors were going to be Swifties --> Public Relations for a few weeks because I had no idea what I was doing --> Emerging Media and Technology with web design concentration --> History + EMAT + web design --> History major + web design minor + creative writing minor. That's a really weird and still incomplete circle, but it's fun to think about.