#the last post was a goof still ship who u want

[nick-close]

Always and forever asking people to reflect on if their Ron headcanons are just treating him like a child due to him being autistic coded idk. That’s a grown man who canonically makes love to his wife with the largest dick of all the dads, he is raising a CHILD (and he does in fact wrong him a few times and needed to apologize because his trauma doesn’t justify it) and I think these are important to remind the fandom

[howdidiendupshippingthispoll]

Round 2, Bracket 2, Side D, Fourth poll

Nine and Jupiter Icy Moon Explorer [NineJuice/SatelitalLove], 17776/20020 vs Takumi Tonooka and Itaru Chigasaki [Tonoita], A3! Act Addict Actors

Story of Tonoita:

I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE TONOOKA UNTIL LIKE EARLY 2022. THIS MAN HAS BEEN IN THE GAME SINCE 2018. OUR FIRST INTRODUCTION TO HIM IS HOW HE LITERALLY RUINED ITARU'S LAST YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL AND WAS THE REASON WHY ITARU CAN'T TRUST PEOPLE ANYMORE AFTER THAT AND CLOSES HIMSELF OFF.

AND YET. GOD.

Listen, I'm not an enemies to lovers liker. And exes to lovers is the kind of thing I like when I make them exes, not when they're canonically exes (they never canonically dated but like come on. they're basically exes). So why did I start shipping them?

I have these Twitter roleplay accounts for a3, a handful of them, and while roleplaying a different character in the series, I joined this little server of roleplay where we'd talk about stuff and plan out events and whatever, and one of them was roleplaying this fourth character (Citron!) mainly, but also had a Tonooka account, you might be able to see where I’m going with this.

We had this friend who had the Itaru roleplay account who really liked to roleplay this other Itaru ship (with a guy called Chikage), and sometimes he'd forget to do the replies to other ongoing roleplays. so my Citron/Tonooka friend dm'd me about it since they felt kind of left out whenever that happened, especially if there was an ongoing thread with Itaru and Citron, and I was like yeah I get it. I liked Chikaita a lot but it wasn't my go-to Itaru or Chikage ship, so I was like “uh huh nods”, and we got to talking about Itaru ships, and they mentioned Tonoita.

They really liked Tonoita, who is kinda unpopular in the general fandom because he caused Itaru a lot of trauma, and Itaru's like the number one or two most popular chara in the whole game, so a lot of people didn't like him. But my friend liked him a lot and told me so much about him, and literally he only appeared in one event story in the entire game at that point but I was listening so intently, and then I was like “mhm nods i understand”, and hey u can come to me about Tonoita whenever u want in case you feel judged or whatever.

BUT THAT WASN'T THE KICKER.

I was still kinda neutral about it but I didn't dislike it, but the aforementioned Itaru rp friend went inactive, so after a while, I was like “What if I make an Itaru account instead?” so I did! and then, fuck, I literally still have the roleplay bookmarked. My friend was on their Tonooka account goofing off about whatever shit and I posted this stupid reaction pic of the press x to doubt guy and then Tonooka fucking REPLIED. And then we had the usual exes banter. And then it became real??? LIKE THEY STARTED CRYING AND SHIT?? AND APOLOGIZED TO EACH OTHER?? AND COMMUNICATED WITH EACH OTHER??? AND THEN LIKE. AGREED TO AT LEAST BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER AGAIN? WHICH TURNED INTO BEING FRIENDS AGAIN?? AND THEN THEY STARTED DATING AGAIN?????

AND THEN I JUST WENT SO INSANE ABOUT IT THAT THEY'VE NEVER LEFT MY HEAD SINCE, LIKE, THIS WAS IN EARLY 2022. SO IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND I'M STILL VISCERALLY INSANE OVER THEM BECAUSE OF THIS ONE THREAD THAT STARTS WITH A PIC OF A STUPID MEME. MY GOD, I HATE BEING OBSESSED WITH THEM BECAUSE LIKE I CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS SHIP (I KNOW LIKE. 2 PEOPLE AND I HAVE LIKE 200 TWITTER MUTUALS.) THEY ARE SO MESSED UP. I CAN FIX THEM.

NaviMind (90)

Once upon a time, one of my now-friends was posting stuff about them, I didn’t like it, but then I looked at the tags And she was tagging it as frEAKIN… DAIN… BALLAS… I DIED, YO. I couldn’t live with the fandom knowing the pairing as that so I conferred with my beta and we came up with NaviMind and MasterGuide.

Then I started interacting more with the fandom and started accidentally converting people to this pairing like it was a religion. KEEP IN MIND that I didn’t ship them yet??? Like actually I was talking about canonical things and the people I texted were like “It’s my OTP now” 😭😭😭😭. My record time from me meeting someone to converting that person was a few hours. Literally, I had a NaviMind aura, it was a passive effect.

Then afterward I actually started imagining super angsty things about them and I wrote about their friendship, and I thought it would be much sadder if they were in love but couldn’t be together because of Bain’s paranoia and Dallas’ refusal to admit his feelings. They’re already best friends in canon, I write it to where Dallas can’t live without his guy… yeah, I have the most fics about this duo. I’m still strong even though it’s been over a year.

[sumerun]

Couldn't agree less (referring to last post about twt ppl cancelling you) bc instead of them letting you be in peace they do and would dare to ruin it by picking on your interests 💀 why cant they let the others just be and avoid them if the only thing they're gonna do about it is criticize and cancel the person about smth they enjoy? I bet they don't want the same things they do to others happen to them yet they're still doing it. As long as it isnt harmful it is fine 😌 i'm not gonna lie, but i feel ashamed that even till this day such people, whom are unsurprisingly numerous, still exists. The technology might be getting advanced but these kinds of humans aren't 😌

hard agreed, anon. i just feel terrible whenever i see an extremely talented artist posting art of their favorite ships or pairings/headcanons/etc. there’s always some goof complaining or bullying them to the point that the artist delete their own account. it’s ridiculoussss. and the mental gymnastics involved… jeez louise. i wish they use that energy to scroll past the post or unfollow instead 💀 i have no idea why but fandoms on twitter has such a strong hindmive. it’s especially bad for genshin bc 1. the game blew up extremely quickly 2. it’s F2P = accessible by anyone with a phone

at the end of the day, i’m 80% sure that these complainers are just young ppl who spends too much of their free time on twitter and ends up developing a bubble with like-minded people. u can imagine what happens from there. or they’re just plain assholes lmao🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s impossible to like/dislike something without someone going after your throat sadly

[neozoneships]

i stumbled across ur page earlier and it’s so cute???? im honestly so excited to req bc ur ships are so adorable and well thought out !! so i’m here to request a personality ship with bts, astro, and txt! tysm in advance (and u can block out my description when reposting it’s TOO long) …

THIS WAS SO LONG PLS im sorry but thank you sm for this!! <3

@anpanseok​ helloo thank you for waiting patiently heheh you seem so nice, thank you so much! i hope you like your ships bub !  ( ´ ω ` )

from bts, i ship you with… rm! 

rm is like sooooo perfect for you! he’s a virgo sun too so he’ll definitely match your energy. he’s also an enfp, so he’ll definitely understand you and your ideals. you will most likely bond over so many things, which gives you both so many things to talk about. furthermore, you two are intellectuals and love learning; more often than not, that means you two will have either heated debates or deep conversations about the things that interests you. your social levels are similar so you wouldn’t feel intimidated at all when you get to know namjoon. one good thing about you two is that you are both passionate to causes that resonate deeply with you, hence why you’re both strong advocates that are willing to fight for anything and anyone that you care about. namjoon is definitely the person to go with if you’re up for exploring and travelling. he’ll be up for anything, may it be just sipping coffee at a little quaint cafe or trekking up a mountain somewhere. okay and we all know namjoon cannot bake nor dance (bless his heart, he’s still cute tho), but i think you’ll find it rather cute and funny too when you see him attempting those things. namjoon is a gentleman!!!! he’ll make sure you’re feeling okay all the time, and will go so protective over you if anyone else made you upset or hurt you. i think namjoon is also a good negotiator and he’s mostly calm and collected when in a fight. he’ll definitely know how to de-escalate a fight between you two, and soon you’re both talking it out and listening to each other. namjoon looks like the type to shower you with love through spending quality time or through words of affirmation. as he’s a lyrical genius, you can expect some heavy, romantic words coming from that man’s mouth. and yes, i think namjoon wouldn’t go so heavy with pda when you’re outside too because he’ll want to have this image of poise and modesty. but at home, he’ll be such a big baby and wants to at least touch you in some way (usually cuddling you or rubbing your hands). you’ll get along so well with namjoon, the other members will think there’s two of you! 

from astro, i ship you with… rocky!

okay i know he’s not ideally tall but i don’t why but i just have a strong feeling that rocky will be such a good match for you HAHAH firstly, he’s a pisces sun which is highly compatible with virgos. his mbti is an esfj, which actually complements you well as an enfj. the two of you share a passion for helping and serving those around you, often dedicating time and effort to those you love. that means as perceptive as you are to the people around you, so is rocky. he can be quiet at times but he’s alway silently looking and taking in details, which is why he will probably randomly surprise you with acts of service or gifts in order to show you he is always listening to you, even when you don’t realise it. he’ll also not want to see you sad hence he’ll try his best to cheer you up or comfort you; he’ll do whatever it takes to see you happy again. since you’re both extroverts and social people, it wouldn’t be difficult for you both to develop a deep connection. rocky can also come off intimidating too but you’d probably have a mutual friends that allows you two to bond and warm up to each other. rocky will be able to vibe with you so much and soon enough, you both will laugh over so many things that often leaves you with stitches and cramps from laughing too much. although rocky is an extrovert, i don’t really see him partaking in very high-end activities, so he’ll totally be down with chill dates with you. he’ll love visiting cafes and trying the delectable menus there, as well as going on scenic walks with you. additionally, rocky can dance and he also loves to cook! i think it’ll be cute when you two go for dance classes together or just dance together and goof around in a practice room. when you’re at home, you two will also often cook together, often trying recipes and cuisines that are out of your comfort zone. he’d definitely be down for cookoff with you, and you both will probably bet on something so stupid yet harmless like “loser has to do everything the winner says for a week”. rocky will definitely only have eyes for you, and would not even glance at other girls. he’ll also get super protective if you feel threatened by someone or something else. to him, you’re the only few ones worth his attention

from txt, i ship you with…beomgyu! 

like rocky, beomgyu’s a pisces too so there’s definitely a good mi of energy between you two. in terms of mbti type, beomgyu is also an enfj so you two will share similar ideologies and values. you both are compassionate and empathetic, hence why you two would most likely bond over helping others around you. you’re both also energetic communicators so this mixed with the fact that you both may have the same interests, your conversations can last for days! even though you two need time to warm up to another, that time would be rather short-lived as you both realise that you guys can vibe with one another perfectly. once you warm up to one another, you both will constantly be laughing over inside jokes, memes, or whatever antics you two have. considering beomgyu’s a mood maker, you two will for sure be one chaotic duo together. you both being enfjs mean you two are also very strong, passionate and idealistic people who wishes for a better world; that is why you two often speak out against injustices and cruelties in the world. conflicts between you two are also very minimal as you two are likely to visualise and empathise with one another. beomgyu is also quite studious and hardworking so you would feel that there is no disparity in intelligence levels between you two. furthermore, beomgyu likes fashion too, so he’ll try to put in effort to dressing nice enough to impress you. he’ll definitely be so into wearing matching clothes or accessories with you, because he probably wants people to know you are both together. he’ll love chill dates too as he’d like to spend one-to-one time with you. you both would also often do your own things whilst basking in each other’s presence. you’d often coerce beomgyu to cook or bake with you. and i feel like beomgyu is a very touchy person at home too, he’ll just want to have physical contact with you at all times, and if he’s not, he’ll get rather restless and never leave your side. he’ll also be super shy if he sees you taking candid pictures of him and he’ll ask it to delete it or retake it but you insist against it, and you find later that beomgyu actually posted the picture you took on his socials anyways LOL he’ll be the such a gentleman to you and will often give you everything he can, because he feels you only deserve the best and no less 

GIFS are not mine; credits to owners ! 

[kdinjenzen]

I'm the anon who mentioned WinterXRobyn, Happy Huntresses spinoff idea and STRQ prequel. "No one's done May or Joanna with Robyn" EXCUSE ME KDIN NO??? WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THE FORBIDDEN POWER COUPLES, THEY WOULD RESULT IN THE END OF THE WORLD. THEIR POWER LEVEL IS TOO HIGH. but yes they would be heccin adorable (also u just wna smash robyn im p sure, its ok everyone else does too)

Oh anon, you ain’t ready for this, but it’s comin’ anyway!

As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of classic literature, myths, and legends.

And my top post on Tumblr is literally criticizing Disney’s Robin Hood by comparing it to it’s origins.

So let’s do this!

Robin Hood’s closest person has, was, and always will be Little John. Throughout every adventure, every retelling, and every medium, the person Robin Hood trusted above all others was John and ONLY John.

Robin was always promiscuous in his nature, playful banter, witty dialogue, all backed up by skill. But when all that failed him, who would always be there for him? John.

Their relationship was always one of intimatacy and comfort when alone. Trust between these two was unspoken and yet unbreakable.

Not to mention you don’t go naming your group the “Merry Men” without just a bit of a smirk, if you ask me.

Let’s move along...

In more recent interpretations, the newer books of the olden years, and of course the actual NEW NEW stuff. Robin and Maid Marian are that intended to be trope, but the mythology of Robin Hood always took that just a bit further.

Marian was beautiful, well off, and of royalty. And yet she was also sharp of tongue and sharper of blade!

Where Robin could best anyone with a bow and arrow, Maid Marian would never know an equal with a sword.

To which, in this most common of cases, Marian would pose as a man and venture into the forest to find Robin and ask for assistance. Robin being a bit of a goof and not the smartest (just very clever) saw this man as an intruder and the two would begin a duel that lasted for HOURS.

It ended with Robin conceding victory to this mystery man and beg him to join the Merry Men... only for that man to reveal himself as Marian, but the offer still stood, and Marian joined Robin. Not as an underling, but standing next to him as an equal and better in many ways.

Their relationship was build on strength of will and courage, where John was Robin’s truest friend, Marian was the one to truly challenge him.

BUT BABY WE AIN’T DONE YET!

Let’s go allllllll the way back to the earliest writings where good ol Maid Marian was NOT royalty.

What was she you may ask? A SHEPHERDESS!

Yes Maid Marian tended to the sheep on a farm just outside the forest’s edge and she would see a very regular visitor concerned for her safety but mostly looking for a true companion as this person saw Marian for who she was and her true potential!

Who WAS this person you may ask?

FRIAR TUCK!

Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and NBYS! The ORIGINAL coupling for Maid Marian was NOT Robin Hood but the short and kind FRIAR TUCK! Who would go on to court her and begin a emotional (and physical) relationship with her.

SO MY GOOD PEOPLE!

According to the vast array of Robin Hood lore you have CANONICAL ROBIN AND JOHN, CANONICAL ROBIN AND MARIAN, AND CANONICAL MARIAN AND TUCK!

And kids that’s just scratching the surface! We didn’t even get to talk about Robin’s close relationship with Friar Tuck and ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS that Robin had very very very close relationships with, like the good bard Alan-A-Dale!

So what I’m saying is... Robin Hood was wanted by all, so much so that even in old classic literature, throughout the many interpretations, by various authors and storytellers... everyone had different ships and made them as canon as they could.

Isn’t classical literature FUN? It’s essentially the Ye Old English version of fanfiction to be honest.

[thechocoboos]

Hi hon I know you have a specific list of ships that you write for but.. I was wondering if you would be willing to write headcanons for Igdyn please? Maybe even possible family headcanons too? I understand if you don't want to write that though if you can't, thank you! :3

I have never considered Igdyn before but this ask sent me into a hc frenzy, thank u. Wrote these about 20 mins after I got this ask and didn’t post until now, it was too inspiring ;-;

Hope u enjoy!!!!

Igdyn Headcanons

These two. i fuckin. swear to god, are the sassiest, most passive aggressive bfs to ever walk the earth

They sass each other nonstop 24/7, with teasing smiles and narrowed, amused eyes

But despite their snark, they are so head over heels that it’s ridiculous

Ardyn's terrible fashion sense is one of Iggys fave things to tease him about

Meanwhile, Ardyn's fave thing to tease Ignis about is Iggy's… interesting… hair styling choice

When Ignis is nervous about his workload, ardyn whisks him away on a day out and about to get ignis' mind off it, if it becomes clear that iggy needs it

The kind of couple that budgets together

"Hmm, darling, I think we should spend a little less on food this month… otherwise we'll never be able to pay off that credit card…"

"I beg your pardon? And buy frozen vegetables and subpar, on sale meat from the grocery store instead of the butcher???"

"I was suggesting something more like… Grade A meat instead of Grade AAAAA."

"Oh for goodness--fine. Only for you."

Ardyn tries to outdo Iggy's cooking just so Ignis can know what it's like to have his bf cook a delicious meal for him

He can never do better than Ignis' cooking but he comes close

When Ignis gets nervous or fidgety, he automatically starts adjusting Ardyn's many layers clothing

Ardyn ofc has everything the way he likes it already, but he knows it makes Iggy feel better so he lets him

Ardyn loves to style and adjust Ignis' hair, and Ignis loves to run his hands through Ardyn's hair in the evenings

They bitch about their jobs to each other and understand each other's complaints 100%

Worry about each other SO FUCKING MUCH but dont show it

they're both so C U L T U R E D

with ignis' education and ardyn's knowledge of OLD SHIT bc he's an old shit himself, they both debate and argue about classical literature, old paintings, and other such fine art like crazy

they like to have dates at the art museum and debate about the meaning of various art pieces

Ignis swears this one 2000 year old farm painting is about this one man's daughter, but Ardyn swears to the astrals that its actually about the artist’s sexuality

"Ignis, dear, I love you, but I MET that man. Never in my life have I seen a more closeted artist!"

"But this young farmhand in the painting--"

"Was his secret lover."

They both love ebony. And fight over it, all the time. Who's that last can going to? Probably not either of them with how intense their fight over it is

Coffee lovers. They set aside half an hour every evening to sit together, talk, and drink a new kind of coffee

It's their favorite part of the day

Their voices are soft and one hand is touching the other's as they luxuriously take long, lingering sips of coffee

No one knows how they got together but after seeing them interact, they all realize that it was the perfect match

The other bros all hated Ardyn when Iggy and Ardyn first got together, but over time they got used to him

Except Noctis, he's still not the biggest fan

Ardyn makes the coffee in the morning and Iggy makes breakfast

They love holding hands

Sometimes they wear each other's gloves. It's usually on accident but Ardyn likes to do it on purpose

Ardyn is a shameless flirt who blatantly whispers rather bold things in Ignis' ear in public, and it makes Ignis blush to high heavens

Iggy will always clear his throat afterwards and say, "Now, that was highly unnecessary, wasn't it?" (Ardyn disagrees)

Meanwhile, every time Ignis remotely does something to silently show his love, whether in public or in private, Ardyn is the one to blush and become embarrassed

There's more of an intimacy with it that catches Ardyn off guard all the time (especially if it's a soft kiss, a lingering touch, or Ignis initiating hand holding)

They accidentally got each other identical christmas presents two years in a row (last year it was matching pajamas)

Speaking of matching pajamas

This is the most luxurious couple you will ever meet

They're so classy that 200 year old dead pianists can't even compete

They have afternoon ebony from teacups with tiny cucumber sandwiches

Ardyn once bought Ignis one of those high quality, insulated coffee cups to keep Ignis’ beverages cold/hot at work (it’s Iggy’s fave gift from Ardyn)

Ardyn also makes Ignis’ lunch. He’s not too bad at cooking, and Ignis loves having someone take care of him for once

They lowkey nag each other but there’s no malice or anger behind it, just the teasing edge that they both love

Whenever Ignis forgets his lunch, Ardyn comes down to the Citadel and does his best to embarrass Ignis when returning lunch

He’ll always stop at the front desk and talk to the secretary about how his forgetful boyfriend once again left lunch sitting on their kitchen table

“I swear to the Astrals, that man would forget his head if it wasn’t attached to the rest of him--”

And then when he finds Ignis, he makes sure Iggy is in the middle of some kind of conference or dealing with people when he runs up and yells, “Iggy! Darling, you forgot your lunch! I made sure to pack extra smiley face cookies; I know how much you love them!” And just lays a massive kiss on Ignis

Of course, that’s all for show. Ardyn really brought his own lunch and is going to eat with Ignis on those days

It embarrassed Ignis the first couple times, but now he just goes with it. “Oh--those wonderful cookies with the pink frosting? Love, you shouldn’t have, I was saving the rest of those for your birthday, afterall, pink is your favorite color!”

Sometimes, Ignis forgets his lunch on purpose, just to goof off with Ardyn at work and have lunch with him (Ardyn is well aware of it, too)

They propose to each other at the same time

And ofc, it’s done dramatically and snarkily on both of their parts

When Ardyn went to propose, Iggy was already pulling out his own ring

They were both so close to tears that evening

[scintillating-galaxias]

i’ll be the wind beneath your wings (ch. 3)

chapter 3 of my swap gift for @peppervl​! tumblr goofed on my last attempt to post this here because my internet connection is made of some string and spitballs, so i apologize if this pops up in your feed like, six times ;u; anyway, here’s some plot!

(read it on ao3!)

-

Aziraphale awoke ungracefully. When he blearily cracked his eyes open to sunlight pouring into the shop, the very first thing he saw was a mass of black sprawling before him. With a yelp, Aziraphale slipped right out of the chair and landed hard on his rear. It took him an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize the mass had just been one of Crowley’s wings. He quickly stood, flustered as he rolled uncomfortable cricks and knots from his shoulders.

Crowley had not moved much since Aziraphale had fallen asleep. The pillows had shifted a bit, so he righted those and readjusted Crowley a bit; the sunlight gleaming through was making a brave attempt at creeping towards his face. He merely grunted a bit and accepted his relocation without stirring.

The storm had blown itself out overnight, judging by the slice of eye-watering bright blue sky in the window. Thank goodness. The gloom that seemed to have permanent residence over Soho was becoming tiresome, though Aziraphale knew what he was getting himself into when he signed the lease. He ought not to be complaining.

Still, a change was nice.

For a few minutes, he sat and watched Crowley sleep. Then, electing that was a little off-putting, he decided to continue putting his shop together. Crowley didn’t look like he would be waking up anytime soon. It was only nine-thirty in the morning. The day was his, ripe for picking. 

He stood and stopped cold before the smudges of blood on his floor. It’d dried overnight and was now completely black, or at least an impossibly dark brown. His clothes likely had matching stains from when Crowley collapsed into him. He had—he had nearly said no. He had almost said no to Crowley, his… his…

What was Crowley to him? His friend, certainly. But friend didn’t quite fit. Friend couldn’t fit, not after having been through nearly six thousand years of life on Earth together. Partners? In the unromantic sense? Could he say that without having discussed it with Crowley? Probably not.

He fidgeted with the cuffs of his coat, glancing back to Crowley’s sleeping form as though he would be awake and complaining about how loud Aziraphale was thinking. What Crowley had said while he bled out on Aziraphale’s floor… he had been right—to an extent. Aziraphale was an angel. An angel’s duty was to protect those who fell under their care. Currently, Crowley was under his care; therefore, he was going to take care of him. Yes, he was a demon, and yes, Aziraphale, by all the logic and all the rules burned into his very being, technically shouldn’t be nursing him back to health. But first and foremost, he was Aziraphale’s friend. He thought Crowley knew that, but evidently, he was incorrect.

The heavy ache from last night returned, accompanied by guilt. Both settled like hot stones in his gut. Had—had Crowley concluded that Aziraphale honestly did not like him? But why would he still offer drinks and lunches together and walks in the park if he thought Aziraphale didn’t like him? Did he consider Aziraphale to be his friend, but not the other way around? That didn’t make sense. If that were true, why would he stay? Why not throw in the gloves and walk away?

Didn’t know where else to go.

He had come to Aziraphale. Despite everything, he had come to Aziraphale.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Crowley. “I was foolish. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.”

As it turned out, demon blood did not budge when one attempted to miracle it away, so Aziraphale spent a bit of time hemming and hawing until he had the idea to dig up his spare vial of holy water from where it had been buried beneath his recently acquired copy of the Buggre Alle This Bible. He experimentally tipped a bit of it onto the stains. The second the holy water touched it, the blood began to smoke profusely and hiss like oil in a hot pan. Alarmed, he whipped around to see if it had woken up Crowley—it hadn’t. So he hurried and did the rest, wincing as piercing squeals joined the smoke and hissing. Crowley didn’t even twitch, which Aziraphale couldn’t decide was a reason for relief or concern. 

He checked Crowley’s temperature—hot, so he placed a clean rag dampened with cold water on his forehead. He tidied the blankets and unnecessarily fluffed the pillows (again). Then he tottered away for a few minutes to miracle the rest of his shelves together and float them about to where he saw fit. Nothing seemed to work, though. It was always too close or too far, too cluttered or too empty, too much or too little. He redid it around fourteen times before he gave up and decided to unpack his books. His hands got antsy, flitting randomly from crate to crate with no discernable logic in the way he pulled them out. Soon he was taking books out only to put them in another container. This wasn’t an effective method to soothe his frayed nerves. Perhaps tea would do the trick. 

As he was sipping the last of his tea from the mug, he happened to glance at the face of the now-unwrapped grandfather clock. It was ten.

It was ten.

Thirty minutes had passed.

Aziraphale groaned and undid all of the miracles on the shelves. Maybe doing actual manual labor would take his mind off things.

As it turned out, it did. He couldn’t hammer the nails in with a lot of force if he didn’t want to wake Crowley up, though he was sure nothing short of the end of the world would wake him at this point. Most of his concentration went to making sure his hits were controlled and correct, but quiet. 

Around hour four, Aziraphale took another break. Fate must have it out for him because as soon as he straightened up, he spotted a couple peeking curiously through the windows. Purely by accident, he caught their eye. They waved at him and gave him a look that clearly said, We’re coming in! Aziraphale’s mind went blank. The couple disappeared, then the door to the shop began to open. With a sharp clap of his hands, two of his new shelves slammed together to block his study-to-be and Crowley from sight.

“Goodness!” exclaimed the woman as she stepped in through the doorway. She had a parlous hairdo piled atop her head that looked a second away from toppling over. “Busy, are you?”

“No, no, not at all,” Aziraphale replied with a strained grin. A glance behind him revealed he had miscalculated where Crowley’s body was; the top of his red head was still visible. “How are you faring today?” he asked as he discreetly scooted over.

“Excellent, thank you,” beamed the man. He had a fashionably twirled mustache that he curled around his finger as he spoke. “And you?”

“Ah, well, been busy setting up shop.” Aziraphale swept his arm about the shop. “My last shipment should be coming soon if the ship didn’t get sunk in the storm.”

“I certainly hope not!” said the woman. She bent to examine a weathered scroll. “Are these authentic?” she asked, one gloved hand hovering over the yellowed parchment.

“Very.” It took a mighty good bout of restraint to keep himself from rushing over and placing himself between her and his scrolls. “I must ask you not to touch them.”

She immediately took her hand back. “Goodness, of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“The devil would have your hand for less than that, Martha,” said the man. “So, is this a new museum, or…?”

“A bookshop,” Aziraphale said proudly.

The man squinted. “I don’t see a whole lot of books.”

“George,” chided Martha, placing a soothing hand on his arm. “Use your wits. The man’s clearly only been here a few days.”

“Quite right, my dear.” George sniffed his red nose, which made his mustache twitch. “Forgive me.”

“It’s no trouble, really,” said Aziraphale, and it wasn’t. “I—”

A loud, rumbling snore cut him off. George and Martha blinked and peered around.

“Is someone else here?” asked Martha.

“Erm—no,” Aziraphale said quickly. “I found a, ah, a family of squirrels that the previous owner failed to notify me about that has moved in upstairs.”

“Upstairs?” said Martha. She leaned around, trying to look around Aziraphale. Her hair swayed precariously.

“Those sound like awful big squirrels,” muttered George, twirling his mustache as he stared intensely at the walls as though he could pull squirrels out from them by the strength of his gaze alone. “You look new in town. I know a good exterminator if you—?”

“It’s quite alright, I can handle it myself,” Aziraphale told him firmly. Another snore ripped apart his lie like wet tissue paper.

“That sounds bigger than some squirrels,” said Martha uncertainly. 

“It isn’t,” Aziraphale said shortly. “Now, I hate to rush you out, but I need to finish unpacking. These, erm, books, they don’t do well in direct sunlight, you see, and I really must continue before irreversible damage is done to them.”

Neither of them seems to notice his urgency. They just kept stupidly looking around for any sign of a ‘squirrel.’ Aziraphale huffed through his nose. Behind his back, he made a series of short, sharp tugging motions with his hand. A small metallic tinkle sounded. Then another, and another, all coming from Martha as pin after pin dropped out of her hair, until—

“Oh, no!” she wailed. She clutched her head as her hairdo finally slumped over, strands and chunks hanging down at random like blond ribbons. It now resembled a melted wedding cake. “George, what happened!”

“How would I know, you won’t let me touch your hair when you do it!”

“It must be the humidity from the rain. It always does horrid things to my hair—Oh, what am I to do? We have lunch at the Thompson’s soon! I can’t go looking like this!”

“Perhaps if you hurry back home, you can”—Aziraphale motioned running his fingers through his hair—“fix up something else?”

“Yes,” murmured George, “yes, I think we could do that. Martha?”

Martha did not indicate hearing him. She was knelt on the floor, trying to pick up the bobby pins. “I just don’t get it,” she kept muttering, “this has never happened to me before!”

“First time for everything, I always say!” Aziraphale said cheerily. 

“Oh, leave the pins,” George said irritably, striding over to her to help her up, “you have a hundred of them back home.”

“But—”

“It’s fine,” Aziraphale assured her. “You don’t want to be late, do you?”

George ushered Martha out the door without another word. The second it shut, Aziraphale locked the door and blew out a long breath. That had been too close. He should’ve locked it when Crowley had come in, but he’d forgotten amidst all of the chaos. 

Another grating snore interrupted his thoughts, but it was cut off by a cough and a moan of pain. Aziraphale immediately miracled the shelves back to their original positions and rushed to Crowley’s side. His face screwed up in pain, but he blearily squinted up at Aziraphale as he knelt to face-level with him.

“M’angel?”

“Yes, yes, it’s me, Crowley.” 

Crowley groaned again and dramatically threw his arm over his eyes. Aziraphale whimpered, “Be careful! ”

“Bright.”

“I can close the curtains if you’d like, but please move more slowly! I’ll be upset if you undo all of my work.”

That gave Crowley pause. Aziraphale bustled off to shut the curtains, plunging the room in a soft, dark red. When he returned, Crowley was examining his bandaged arms as though he’d never seen them before. He stayed quiet as Aziraphale tugged the armchair over and sat down beside him.

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “So…” he started awkwardly. “How are you feeling?”

“How am—how am I feeling? Peachy. Perfect. Never been better.” Ah, he was already back to being bitingly sarcastic. That had to be a good sign. Aziraphale’s mouth twitched into an appropriate imitation of a smile.

“Would you like me to leave you alone so you can sleep?”

Crowley blinked at him, then seemed to go through quite an effort to swallow. “Nah. Gonna get out of your way.” Crowley pushed himself upright, or at least tried to. His arms wobbled, and he collapsed back into the pillows, hissing, “ Shit. ”

Aziraphale’s smile vanished. There it was again, that feeling, that churning ache deep in his gut. “You’re not in my way at all, my dear. You can rest here for as long as you need to.”

Crowley leveled him with a disbelieving empty stare. But he blinked and turned his head away so that stare was directed at the ceiling instead. “Thanks,” he said, almost as an afterthought.

“Of course.” Now that he had his energy back, Aziraphale’s hands itched to rearrange the mess of feathers that were Crowley’s wings. It looked so uncomfortable, all broken and disarranged like that. His wings shuddered in sympathy. He opened his mouth to ask if he could do something, but what came out instead was, “Have you tried hot cocoa yet?”

“No.”

“Would you like to? It’s delicious.”

Crowley’s cheeks twitched as though he were working his tongue inside his mouth. “Sure, why not. My mouth tastes like something died in it anyway.”

“I’d imagine. I’ll be right back.”

When he returned with two steaming mugs of cocoa, Crowley seemed to be a little more coherent. He’d managed to sit up properly, and he was absent-mindedly kneading the bend in his right wing at the end of its arm.

“Does it hurt?” Aziraphale asked as he set the mugs down on a tray and pushed one towards Crowley, who raised his eyebrows. “I mean—more than the rest?”

“I mean, yeah.” He picked up the mug and sniffed it. “What’s in this?”

“I put some cinnamon in, but otherwise it’s milk, sugar, and chocolate.”

“Hm.” Crowley took a sip and didn’t immediately spit it out in a spray like he usually did if something was not to his taste, so Aziraphale could only assume it was alright. “It’s sore. I’ll get over it.” 

“What…” Aziraphale floated a hand up and down as he drank. “Caused this?”

Crowley blew a long, deep breath from his crooked nose, and the bit of energy he’d managed to regain drained out of him. “You’ll be mad if I tell you.”

“I won’t. I swear it.” 

Crowley’s eyes went flat and dropped to his lap. “They found out I helped you escape the Bastille.”

Aziraphale’s cocoa suddenly tasted like ash. He set the mug down and rasped, “How?”

“They had agents posted in the area. Guess they got interested in the amount of evil happening in the square.” Aziraphale nodded faintly. “Anyway they saw us leaving—smelled us, too, that’s how they knew it was you. They waited ‘til I went into a bar I frequent, drugged me, and then, well.” Crowley rolled his head around as if to say, Here we are. “They ‘roughed me up a bit.’”

“I’ll say.” Aziraphale bit his lip, remembering, If my people hear I rescued an angel, I’ll be the one in trouble, and my lot do not send rude notes . “My dear, I’m—I’m sorry, if I hadn’t been so senseless—”

“It’s not your fault, Aziraphale,” Crowley sighed. “I chose to rescue you. I knew the risks.”

“But still.” He squirmed. “I must take some responsibility.”

“Go ahead. It won’t change anything.”

The air hung stagnantly between them. 

“I never did get to give you my congratulations,” Crowley said abruptly. “Meant to.”

“For—oh, for the shop?”

“Mmh.”

“Why, thank you.”

Crowley resumed the massaging of his wing. Aziraphale watched.

“At least let me return some of the favor,” he said after a moment. “Your wings.”

Crowley glanced at where he’d been picking at a blood crusted feather. “Ah. Yeah.”

“May I…” Aziraphale nervously licked his lips. “May I help clean them for you?”

“Nah, ‘s fine. I’ll manage.”

“I don’t doubt that. But I thought you wanted to leave sooner rather than later?”

“Want me gone that badly, huh?” Crowley’s smile was sarcastic, teasing, but Aziraphale frowned anyway.

“Well, no—yes, because then that means you’re doing better, but—oh, I do wish you would stop saying those things,” he huffed. “Is it such a crime to help you?”

Crowley snorted. “Obviously. Look what happened to me. You just haven’t been caught yet.”

Aziraphale glanced away to one fascinating drop of rain on the windowpane. “Damn my punishments,” he said quietly. “I just want to help.”

Please, let me take care of you.

Crowley stopped fussing with his wing and fixed Aziraphale with his searching yellow eyes. They were careful, shining and fragile as spun glass still glowing bright from the molten forge. If Aziraphale were to move now, to take back what he said, he might very well shatter Crowley. The longer those eyes were on him, the more of him Crowley could see, as though he were burning away layer after layer after layer—

One black wing was offered to him. Aziraphale only stared for a second before he settled his hands on it and smiled. The feathers that weren’t damaged beyond repair were like the most delicate silks beneath his fingers, shimmery and soft. 

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“Make it quick,” Crowley mumbled. 

Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and the cocoa disappeared off of the tea table. It was replaced by a large pail of water, linen towels, some scissors of varying sizes, and a shrunken pair of forceps. After a brief examination, he dunked one of the towels into the water, wrung it out, and placed it over Crowley’s secondaries. Most of the damage seemed to be centered there, and would probably require a lot of pulling. Crowley grunted at the contact but otherwise seemed unbothered.

He began with the pulling and clipping of Crowley’s broken and damaged primaries. The barbs went without too much resistance since the feathers were fully grown in at this point, and the only thing Crowley lamented about was how long it would take for the missing slots to grow back in. It didn’t look pretty, true, but at least he was alive. Aziraphale pointed all of this out to Crowley, who huffed.

“What, would you rather have died?”

“I suppose not. Big hassle, dying.”

Once a pile of black feathers had accumulated on the floor, Aziraphale took the rag and began to clean the blood off gently. Wrap, squeeze, soak, rinse, repeat. He repeated the motions until the bucket of water turned dark and the covers were soaked an unpleasant brown from the drippings. The feathers had gained a much more uniform sheen to them, all iridescent emeralds and amethyst hues that shimmered beneath the droplets of water. Slowly, Crowley allowed his wing to drift further and further until it was entirely laid back against the pillows and into Aziraphale’s lap. It had a pleasant weight to it. Solid, but not overbearing.

“Comfortable?” he said dryly as he ran his fingers through Crowley’s feathers. Crowley’s eyes, which had slid shut at some point, reopened. He muttered an apology and lifted his wing again. Aziraphale bit his lip. That wasn’t what he meant but, well. What was done was done.

“How much longer is this going to take?”

“Erm.” Heat flushed his cheeks. The sky outside was rich, so deep it was blurring the line between blue and purple. It must be around early evening now and Aziraphale had only worked through half of Crowley’s wing. “I’m nearly finished with this one, yes. There is—more than I was expecting.”

This was true for the most part. The patches where feathers had been ripped out were proving to be a challenge. In addition to having to pull many more broken barbs, some of the spots had been infected, which made the dark flesh of Crowley’s wings feel hot and tender beneath his touch. He had finished with the barbs, but he wasn’t sure how to proceed with the infections. Aziraphale hovered his hand over them, gauging the risks of using his abilities.

“You will tell me to stop,” Aziraphale said, holding up one light-shrouded hand. Crowley swallowed and nodded. Slowly, slowly , Aziraphale passed his hand over the areas, watching as the open wounds from the pulled barbs closed and feeling the skin cool slightly. It was achingly slow work. Crowley could not suffer through more than around five seconds of his direct powers, which forced Aziraphale to back off every three and wait. Despite his caution, Crowley told him through gritted teeth to back off a few times, which made him feel absolutely horrible for hurting him in the first place.

His work was slowed even further as he neared Crowley’s body. The parts of the wing there were far more sensitive. He twitched every time Aziraphale touched him, to the point where he very nearly gave up and started his work on the other wing.

“It’s fine,” Crowley said, but Aziraphale shook his head.

“Clearly not. You’re obviously uncomfortable.”

“No, just—it tickles a little.”

“It tickles?”

“Yeah.” Crowley hunched his shoulders. “What?”

Aziraphale forced his smile away. “Nothing. I simply didn’t expect it.”

“Yeah, well, I’m full of surprises.”

Aziraphale placed a wet rag on a particularly crusty patch of down. Crowley watched as he took up the tweezers and began to pick apart the clump.

“Is that why this is taking so long?”

“Would you rather me not?”

Crowley’s mouth twisted oddly. “I—I got things to do. I escaped, you know—”

“Awful brave of you.”

“They might come looking for me again. I don’t want to be here if they do.”

He couldn’t read Crowley’s face beyond what seemed to be discomfort. One would think he would be able to. Six thousand years, and all of that. But he couldn’t. Something cold settled in the bottom of his heart. “Of course. I’ll—I’ll fix the next one up, and you’ll be on your way by… by tomorrow morning.”

He kept his head down for the rest of the time. If he tried to slow down to fuss with what could be considered the more cosmetic spots, Crowley began to fidget. So he went on. He stopped a couple of times to shoo away curious persons, sweep up the fallen fathers, and get new water. It wasn’t stalling, per se, it was all necessary. Very necessary. Still, he found himself working on the other wing far sooner than he wanted.

Wanted? he wondered. What did he want?

Crowley fell asleep at some point after he’d removed the rest of the damaged and broken feathers on the second wing. That was one thing Aziraphale refused to skip. Those were by far the most uncomfortable thing he could imagine, and the hardest to reach if one was alone. Muffled chatter from the flow of people outside pushed through the walls of the shop, and then it too stopped as the sun sank once again beneath the horizon. It was dark by the time Aziraphale began on the second wing, and the sun was shocked to find the angel was up with its waking moments for the second day in a row. Once again exhausted from constant use of his abilities, he decided to give sleep another go. He bade Crowley a good night—a good morning if one wished to be tetchy—and settled down into his armchair. 

When he woke that evening, Crowley was gone. The only sign he had ever been there at all was a lingering smell of heat, and a single black feather curled up on the pillows.

[boobachu]

The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E   W H I T E   C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN���

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T  R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A  SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

 W H A T    A    W A S T E

oH BOY  Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E   B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M   T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S   D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K   T H E   S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H   B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S   O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T   D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E   O N E   W A S   B E T T E R.

The end.

[howdidiendupshippingthispoll]

Round 1, Bracket 1, Side D, Eighth poll

Takumi Tonooka and Itaru Chigasaki [Tonoita], A3! Act Addict Actors vs Dallas and Bain [NaviMind], Payday: The heist and Payday two

Story of Tonoita:

I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE TONOOKA UNTIL LIKE EARLY 2022. THIS MAN HAS BEEN IN THE GAME SINCE 2018. OUR FIRST INTRODUCTION TO HIM IS HOW HE LITERALLY RUINED ITARU'S LAST YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL AND WAS THE REASON WHY ITARU CAN'T TRUST PEOPLE ANYMORE AFTER THAT AND CLOSES HIMSELF OFF.

AND YET. GOD.

Listen, I'm not an enemies to lovers liker. And exes to lovers is the kind of thing I like when I make them exes, not when they're canonically exes (they never canonically dated but like come on. they're basically exes). So why did I start shipping them?

I have these Twitter roleplay accounts for a3, a handful of them, and while roleplaying a different character in the series, I joined this little server of roleplay where we'd talk about stuff and plan out events and whatever, and one of them was roleplaying this fourth character (Citron!) mainly, but also had a Tonooka account, you might be able to see where I’m going with this.

We had this friend who had the Itaru roleplay account who really liked to roleplay this other Itaru ship (with a guy called Chikage), and sometimes he'd forget to do the replies to other ongoing roleplays. so my Citron/Tonooka friend dm'd me about it since they felt kind of left out whenever that happened, especially if there was an ongoing thread with Itaru and Citron, and I was like yeah I get it. I liked Chikaita a lot but it wasn't my go-to Itaru or Chikage ship, so I was like “uh huh nods”, and we got to talking about Itaru ships, and they mentioned Tonoita.

They really liked Tonoita, who is kinda unpopular in the general fandom because he caused Itaru a lot of trauma, and Itaru's like the number one or two most popular chara in the whole game, so a lot of people didn't like him. But my friend liked him a lot and told me so much about him, and literally he only appeared in one event story in the entire game at that point but I was listening so intently, and then I was like “mhm nods i understand”, and hey u can come to me about Tonoita whenever u want in case you feel judged or whatever.

BUT THAT WASN'T THE KICKER.

I was still kinda neutral about it but I didn't dislike it, but the aforementioned Itaru rp friend went inactive, so after a while, I was like “What if I make an Itaru account instead?” so I did! and then, fuck, I literally still have the roleplay bookmarked. My friend was on their Tonooka account goofing off about whatever shit and I posted this stupid reaction pic of the press x to doubt guy and then Tonooka fucking REPLIED. And then we had the usual exes banter. And then it became real??? LIKE THEY STARTED CRYING AND SHIT?? AND APOLOGIZED TO EACH OTHER?? AND COMMUNICATED WITH EACH OTHER??? AND THEN LIKE. AGREED TO AT LEAST BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER AGAIN? WHICH TURNED INTO BEING FRIENDS AGAIN?? AND THEN THEY STARTED DATING AGAIN?????

AND THEN I JUST WENT SO INSANE ABOUT IT THAT THEY'VE NEVER LEFT MY HEAD SINCE, LIKE, THIS WAS IN EARLY 2022. SO IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND I'M STILL VISCERALLY INSANE OVER THEM BECAUSE OF THIS ONE THREAD THAT STARTS WITH A PIC OF A STUPID MEME. MY GOD, I HATE BEING OBSESSED WITH THEM BECAUSE LIKE I CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS SHIP (I KNOW LIKE. 2 PEOPLE AND I HAVE LIKE 200 TWITTER MUTUALS.) THEY ARE SO MESSED UP. I CAN FIX THEM.

Story of NaviMind:

Once upon a time, one of my now-friends was posting stuff about them, I didn’t like it, but then I looked at the tags And she was tagging it as frEAKIN… DAIN… BALLAS… I DIED, YO. I couldn’t live with the fandom knowing the pairing as that so I conferred with my beta and we came up with NaviMind and MasterGuide.

Then I started interacting more with the fandom and started accidentally converting people to this pairing like it was a religion. KEEP IN MIND that I didn’t ship them yet??? Like actually I was talking about canonical things and the people I texted were like “It’s my OTP now” 😭😭😭😭. My record time from me meeting someone to converting that person was a few hours. Literally, I had a NaviMind aura, it was a passive effect.

Then afterward I actually started imagining super angsty things about them and I wrote about their friendship, and I thought it would be much sadder if they were in love but couldn’t be together because of Bain’s paranoia and Dallas’ refusal to admit his feelings. They’re already best friends in canon, I write it to where Dallas can’t live without his guy… yeah, I have the most fics about this duo. I’m still strong even though it’s been over a year.