#the last of 3 set for awhile... or maybe not idk

[dollgxtz]

Ok a fic where reader and sylus are at a business meeting, she “offers” herself as payment (maybe as a joke or just to rile sylus idk) and he makes sure to remind her who she belongs to? Please???

Kindred Spirits

Word Count: 5.1k

Tags: sylus x fem!reader, possessiveness, ownership, spanking, hitting, slight blood mention, pet names like kitten & sweetie, creampie, rough sex, crying, slight fluff at the end :3

AN: Anon ur a literal genius. This has Sylus written all over it. Im so happy to be back posting another story for you all! Also happy to announce my masterlist is now complete and can be found in my pinned! Ty all! Enjoy and remember, my asks are open for any character, Sylus is just my husband LOL. Remember to read my pinned before requesting please! This is a bit tamer than my other stories but trust I am cooking up some deviant content as soon as I publish this one :33

“Finally…”

You nearly collapse near your front door. A whole week of your life. Gone. To what you ask? Dealing with wanderers on a special aid mission. Sure sure, the job paid well but it had been weeks since your last off day. Every time it seemed like one was around the corner here they go with some emergency call and a spill about how some rich politician needed help or something.

You were starting to get tired of cleaning up other people’s mistakes.

You fumbled with your keys, fingers numb from the biting cold. The wind whipped around you, making you shiver as you tried to fit the right key into the lock. Your breath came out in visible puffs, and you could feel the frustration building with each failed attempt. Finally, with a relieved sigh, you heard the click of the lock turning.

The still warm air is such a welcoming contrast to the wind and biting cold outside. You quickly shut your door and melt to the floor, your feet aching with relief as the pressure you had been putting on them subsided. Peace at last. Time for a hot shower an-

Your peace was cut short with the distinct tone of your phone ringing. And not just any ring tone. The one you had set specifically for a certain white haired man that only ever brought trouble. Wondering if you should even pick up, you bring the phone to your face, knowing that you were going to answer regardless.

“Sylus…I’m really tired. Can we talk lat-"

“Long time no see kitten. You should stop by for a bit, hm?”

You roll your eyes, suppressing the urge to scoff out loud. Arrogant prick, you think, irritated by his inability to let you finish a sentence without interrupting. How did he even know you were home now?

You sigh deeply, feeling the tension building, and rub your temples to alleviate the mounting frustration. No, you tell yourself firmly. You wouldn’t put up with this today. Maybe another day, but definitely not today.

"Actually, no. I just returned from a week-long aid mission. Not today," you say firmly, aiming to be clear and resolute in your decision to stay put. Sylus however, seems to sense the cracks in your resolve and only responds with a chuckle.

“I want to see you. I’ll have Luke and Kieran come get you since you’re so tired”.

“Hu-”

“See you soon. They’re en route. Ciao”

The phone clicks, signaling the end of the call. For whatever reason, your ever growing frustration simply dissipates, defeat taking its place. You should be used to this by now. Sylus always gets what he wants. And you always let him. It goes without saying that it’s the same way for you as well. At least, Sylus always gives you what you want if it doesn’t interfere with his need to lay his eyes on you at least once in awhile. He knew that you wouldn’t push this though. You both knew.

Deep down, you wanted to see him too.

You asked Luke and Kieran to wait outside for a bit while you took a brisk shower and freshened up. Those two had always been very patient and understanding. You felt bad “bossing” them around, and yet they always insisted that you could. Though Luke had admitted on one occasion that he never expected to be helping a girl find hair ties or carrying shopping bags while working for Onychinus.

The statement had made you laugh a bit. You finally finish dressing in some plain sweats and rush to the car. Luke and Kieran are waiting outside of a dark colored jeep. Not too flashy as to not draw attention, but it was still clearly very expensive.

“Actually miss, Boss wanted you to wear these” Luke says, holding out an expensive looking dress. Clearly designed by hand and tailored to your measurements. Kieran follows his lead, holding out a box containing a pair of earrings and a lavish looking necklace.

“Huh? What’s this for? A date?”

“Business. That’s all he said” Kieran chimed in. Although you couldn’t see their faces, you knew they had no reason to lie to you about this.

“Ah. Dragging me into more trouble. Got it”.

When the three of you finally arrived to the location, the sun had already set for the day. You darted your eyes back and forth, squinting above at the bright neon sign of the establishment.

“We’re not going to the N109 Zone? This is a nightclub…” you mutter, taken aback by the unfamiliar surroundings. When did this even get here? There were plenty of clubs in Linkon of course, but you never seemed to notice this one. Not that you knew much about the night life to begin with. People were lined up at the entrance, chatting, fixing makeup, or texting.

“Boss wants you here. He’s waiting inside. Enjoy your time miss” Luke said, amusement written all over his tone. He gets out of the passenger seat to open the door and lend you a hand. You rolled your eyes, not wanting to appear shaken up by the situation. Sylus was always full of surprises. This was no different, act confident.

At least, that’s what you tried to tell yourself. After getting almost immediate entrance into the club with just a simple nod from the guard, you enter. As you walk inside the club, Luke and Kieran not far behind you, you can tell this was no ordinary night club. Everyone here was dressed lavishly and sharp, clearly possessing power and ulterior motives. A few eyes lay on you as you walk in, and you feel your hands start to sweat.

Keep cool. This isn’t the first time you’ve been around high ranking individuals. This is probably some test he set up…right? Or some kind of joke to get a laugh?

Clenching your fists, your eyes dart and search for a tall figure with white hair, feeling more nervous by the second that you don’t see him. You’re about to turn around and ask one of the twins, but at last your gaze settles on him, sipping on a glass of Gin Fizz. He’s sitting in a velvety booth by himself, people watching. He’s wearing his black button up with red streaks across it, coat hanging on his shoulders per usual. As if he felt you staring, his eyes shift to meet yours. He sets down his glass, giving you you a small smirk. His eyes narrow, sending a very clear message.

Come here.

As if you were suddenly possessed, your feet seem to start moving on their own. You weren’t sure if you were relieved to see him or if it was just the relief of seeing a familiar face in an unfamiliar place. You take a few deep breaths as you approach, readying your witful replies to any of his attempts to make fun of you. Without making any sound or looking at him, you quietly slide in next to him.

“You look nice. Seems I was right about this look on you” Sylus says, taking another sip of his drink. His eyes wander up and down behind the glass, seemingly devouring you. You squirm under his gaze.

“Hm. Thanks. This gift is the least you can do after dragging me to do whatever you want on a whim once again” you scoff, eyeing the full glass that sits on the table. It’s another glass of Gin Fizz, probably for Sylus. There’s three other very empty glasses on the table.

This man can definitely hold his alcohol.

He chuckles, taking a finger and pushing the glass of Gin closer to you.

“Don’t be like that sweetie. Loosen up a bit, you’ll need it”

“For what exactly? Business?” you mock, picking up the Gin. You didn’t exactly like the taste of this particular alcohol of choice but Sylus was right about one thing. Some liquid courage was definitely needed for whatever shenanigans he was dragging you into tonight.

“Yeah. Figured I could use Linkon’s darling Miss Hunter as backup” Sylus chuckles, watching you nearly choke as you take three big gulps of the drink. You squeeze your eyes in disgust as you finish the rest of the glass, shooting a death glare in his direction as you set it down.

“You’re perfectly capable. Don’t mock me Sylus”. You grit your teeth in irritation, almost ready to rip him to shreds with your words. Clearly your tone has no effect on him though, as all you get in return is a soft smile. Sylus places a hand on your upper leg, slowing sliding his fingers under your dress. You gasp, the coldness of his fingers making you twitch a bit. The warmness of your skin mixed with his cold touch makes the sensation feel like icy fire.

“Or what? You’ll use this on me?” he smirks, tugging on the concealed gun strapped under your dress. “I’m all for it honestly”

You slap his hand away, the woozy feeling from the Gin Fizz starting to kick in. What was in this drink? It was strong. Too strong.

“Pervert. Always touching me, making fun of me. Maybe I will shoot you. Again.” you growl, turning your head away from him. You attempt to scoot away as well, but are met with a strong grip around your waist as you’re pulled into closer proximity with him. Sylus grabs your chin and lifts it towards his face. He leans down a bit, the smell of alcohol and his bourbon vanilla cologne making you feel even more dizzy.

“You can put your claws away now kitten. Don’t make me have to melt your little tantrum away” he coos, gently caressing your face with his thumb.

You stare at him, dumbfounded, desperately searching your sluggish brain for a comeback but finding yourself too flustered to form any words. The look in Sylus’s eyes shifts from a smug expression to a much softer, almost tender gaze, and you wonder what his next move will be. Your face starts to burn as you feel heat rising in your core, your heart pounding in your chest. Panic sets in as you consider the possibilities, your mind racing with the fear of what might come next.

Don’t tell me he’s going to…?!

"You're so...confusing" you mutter.

You’re just about to try and squirm from his grip, when Luke and Kieran tap on the table, catching yalls attention.

“Boss man, Val says he’s ready for ya” Luke says, nonchalantly ignoring the scene that’s displayed in front of him. Sylus releases your face, his face going serious again. He gets up, reaching out a hand to help you out of the booth.

“Time for business, sweetie”

You’re guided by the twins and Sylus past the sweaty bodies on the dance floor to a somewhat hidden room located downstairs. The area the stairs led to was blocked off by a singular rope, clearly only meant for a select crowd.

In the room there’s a long black table, cards and chips all over it. There’s a few prominent figures already seated, along with a few bodyguards standing near the door. Sylus pulls a seat out for you, before taking his own. You study the figure that’s sitting at the head of the table as you sit. He’s short, a bit chubby, dark hair, smoking a cigar. A scar sits angrily on his forehead and you wonder what kinda grudges led to such an injury. He notices you looking at him, and gives you a devilish grin. Some of his teeth are crooked or missing.

All that money and he can't fix his smile?

You shudder. Sylus looks over at you, and back to the man at the head of the table. He’s reading you, clearly sensing your nervousness. He says nothing, simply reaching a hand over to rest on your thigh.

“Was starting to think you were going to keep me waiting Sylus. Seems you didn’t run after all” he laughs, wheezing a bit as he takes another puff of his cigar. You wrinkle your nose a bit as the potent smell hits your senses.

“I couldn’t turn down a game of cards with my dear old friend” Sylus says, irritation coating the last word. “Let’s keep things civil this time, hm Valentino?”

Valentino bursts into laughter, clearly amused. Despite his laughter, you couldn’t ignore the murderous tension in the air. Something tells you this isn’t any regular game of cards. You gulp, trying to force yourself to look at everyone at the table and smile.

“Well hello little lady. Sylus, you didn’t tell me you kept such gorgeous company…” Val says, his eyes snaking all over your body. You feel Sylus squeeze your thigh, clearly irritated. He pulls out a coin from his coat pocket, seemingly trying to channel his frustrations into something else.

“You know I’m not really the type to share, Val. She’s all mine. Down to every single strand of hair”. Sylus ends, catching the coin and shooting a glare in the man’s direction. It was plain, but conveyed a message very well.

You feel your palms start to sweat. Was he being serious right now?? You side eye him, trying to piece out whether or not this was some kind of facade you’re supposed to play into. Valentino clearly takes Sylus’s words as a challenge.

“I’ll give you twenty million for her. Maybe fifty million if you make her give us a little strip show. What do ya say? She looks so soft. Probably makes cute noises too…~” he chuckles, likely enjoying the look of surprise that washes across your face.

Sylus remains quiet, his face unmoving, frozen in a pissed glare. You don’t know if it was the alcohol you drank earlier, or if it was some inkling of an attempt to dissipate the tension, but you clear your throat and begin to speak.

“Well Sylus? You can share can’t you? It’s quite the generous offer Mr. Valentino. I’m quite flattered actually.” you express, putting on your best smug look. Sylus stiffens, a somewhat shocked expression washing over him. Valentino erupts into yet another fit of laughter, seemingly unable to contain himself. Turning to look back at Sylus, you see it in his face briefly. An uncaged look of rage before it quickly dissipates.

Shit. Shouldn’t have said that.

Far too late to stop now though.

“You heard the lady Sylus. Why don’t you try sharing just this once? What I would give to taste that sweet little body of he-”

Sylus slams a revolver on the table, then calmly starts picking up cards from the deck.

"I'd suggest you stop talking and start playing the game, Mr. Valentino," Sylus snarls, his words dripping with venom. The fury in his voice is palpable, and it's clear he's reached the end of his patience.

You give Val a sly look, feigning pity. “Ah, sorry Valentino. Seems this one can’t quite let me go yet”. You don’t know what you were trying to achieve, but it’s certainly not working to dissipate any tension. Val doesn’t respond to you though, all his focus on Sylus now.

“My dear friend. You should know me by now. There’s something I’m much more interested in now than some money. Now I want the girl, or nothing”.

Valentino wears a shit eating grin on his face, soaking in the fact that he thinks he’s gained some control of the situation, unaffected by the gun on the table. Sylus simply sighs, rubbing his fingers against the temple of his forehead.

“I see where this is going then”.

You barely process what’s happening before everything and everyone starts moving. As soon as Sylus begins to stand, Valentinos guards start shooting. Sylus wastes no time flipping the large table, sending the cards and game chips flying everywhere. You yelp as he yanks you towards him using his body and the table to shield the oncoming attack of bullets. You hear Luke and Kieran joining in the frenzy, yelling obscenities as they begin shooting their own hidden weapons.

You swiftly reach for the weapon concealed beneath your dress, your fingers brushing against the cool metal as you draw it out. Turning to face Sylus, you ready yourself for his instructions, your body tense with anticipation. Instead of giving you orders, he locks eyes with you, his gaze piercing through you with an intensity that feels like it's reaching into your very soul. The silence is heavy, charged with unspoken tension as bullets whip past the both of you, and you can feel your heartbeat quicken in response.

“I need you alive for what’s coming sweetie. Pay attention, stay close”

You blink. Twice. Unable to process his words before he yanks you both up, one hand using his evol to send the table crashing into several bodyguards. The four of you fight your way through the onslaught of people coming into the door, before eventually dashing up the stairs. People are running in all directions, seemingly caught up in the chaos of everything. You all manage to make it out the door and into the brisk cold air, the twins quickly hopping into the car to whisk you away.

“Go on, I’ll catch up soon” Sylus states, hurriedly pushing you into the car and slamming the door before you could protest. He signals Kieran to drive off, and that he does.

“He’s…going to level the building. Isn’t he?” you sigh, sighing at the fact that Sylus seemed to conveniently forget that this was in fact not the lawless land of the N109 Zone. No doubt the Hunter’s Association would have to investigate for potential wanderer activity, and that would be a lot of paperwork.

"It's fine. He owned that place anyway. He'll just build another," Luke says, his voice calm and unbothered. Just as the words leave his mouth, a deafening boom erupts behind the car, shaking the ground beneath yall. The explosion's shockwave rattles the windows, and the sky lights up with a fiery glow, cutting off Luke's next sentence mid-breath.

You groan.

The twins did drive you to the N109 this time, swiftly helping you out the car and into Sylus’s private villa. When you entered the front door, a nightgown and lacy underwear were laid neatly out for you in his room, your arrival clearly anticipated.

It wasn’t more than an hour before Sylus waltzed in the front door, eyeing your slouching figure on the couch. You sit up as soon as you see him, still somewhat annoyed.

“What took you so damn long? Also do you have to level every building you come across?” you spat, glaring at him. He says nothing though, walking straight past you and into his room.

“Huh? Sylus?? What the hell…”

Not liking the feeling of being ignored, you hurriedly chased after him. You had never really been uncomfortable barging into his room. You had done it plenty of times at this point, the first time being when he had challenged you to steal the brooch from him. No point in being shy now. He’s fumbling with something in his drawer when you reach up to tap his shoulder.

“Sylus! Don’t ignore me, I know you ca-”

He swiftly turns around, grabbing your wrist before you can touch him. His gaze is unreadable, cold even. You start to sweat, trying to take your arm back. But he only squeezes tighter.

"I was hoping you'd leave me be so I could calm down. But of course you're as petulant as ever" he says.

"Let go! What's wrong with you!?" You attempt to remove his hand from your wrist but he doesn't budge.

“Go to the bed. Place your hands on it” he says, face unchanging.

“Huh??”

“I don’t like to repeat myself”.

You freeze for only a moment before quickly moving to the bed. You meticulously put your hands where instructed, something deep in your core telling you that it’s likely best to listen for now. However, you can’t help to look over your should to quip at Sylus. You’re slightly bent at an angle, trying your best to keep your balance.

“What’s this about? I’m not that upset that you reduced the building to rubble”

Sylus snakes his way behind you, quietly, as if thinking of what to say. He reaches out a hand, grabbing the ends of your nightgown and moving the soft fabric around in his fingers. You feel the heat rise to your face, the skin of your ass feeling a slight gush of cold air.

“You like playing games with me, don’t you? Testing me” he says coldly, fingers trailing up the back of your legs slowly. You shiver, attempting to squirm away. His evol appears around you, its tight grip making you cry out.

Oh. This was about that.

“Huh?? No, I was just playing along. Just friendly banter yknow?” you say, voice wavering. You’ve clearly pissed him off. A part of you knows it’s a slight lie. You didn’t want to admit it out loud but it was kind of amusing to see Sylus get so riled up over something. Over you especially. But you hadn’t exactly done it fully on purpose. It was the alcohol.

But you knew he wasn’t buying it, as observant as he was.

“Sure. You were just pretending to act like a stray kitten trying to find a new owner?” he smirks, his fingers beginning to trace circles over the cloth of your panties. You let out a small whine, his touch just barely grazing your already wet cunt.

“Owner? I don’t belong to you. Or anyone” you scoff, the resolve in your voice wavering with every little circle he completes on your skin. You almost whine in disappointment when he pulls away.

“And yet…” Sylus trails off, leaving you with aching curiosity before you’re met with stinging pain on your ass. You cry out, unable to move with his evol still snaked around you. “You did exactly what I told you to do just now, wear the clothes I leave out for you, and practically melt everytime I even barely touch you”.

“Sylus?! What the hell was that…?!” you exclaim, trying your hardest to process his words and the situation at hand. He doesn’t respond, proceeding to gently caress the spot where he smacked you. The stinging pain gently eases away, and you feel yourself relaxing with his touch once again. He once again trails his fingers down to your clothed pussy, rubbing slow and meticulous circles around it. You start to whine, attempting to push yourself into his fingers for more friction. He pulls his hand away, making a disapproving sigh.

“Acting like you’re in heat per usual” he chuckles, watching as you wiggle around under the grip of his evol. “This is a punishment”.

“For what? Cause I let some sick and ugly looking crime boss think he had a chance with me?”

Sylus wastes no time bringing his hand to your ass again, earning another painful whine out of you. You feel tears forming in your eyes that you can’t wipe away. He’s certainly not holding back his strength, and yet you know this isn’t even a third of the force he could use on you.

“For entertaining him” he says plainly.

Another smack.

“Another for stupidly handing over your life, body and soul for a measly twenty million”

An even harder hit, this one fueled by rage.

“And lastly…”

You nearly choke as he delivers the final blow, your ass definitely bruising by now. Sylus offers no comfort this time, instead leaning down next to your crying face, breath hot against your ear.

“For forgetting that you belong to me, just as much as I belong to you. Kindred spirits remember?”

You have no chance to respond before he’s flipping you on your back, your nightgown flying up to reveal your wet panties.

“I-im sorry, Sy” you choke, tears blurring your vision.

“Show me then, sweetie. Spread your legs. Wide” he instructs, reaching up to brush your tears away. This isn’t done lovingly, more like calculated and cold.

This is far from over.

You silently but shakingly open your legs, your ass still painfully aching from his assault. You’re surprised when he doesn’t rip your underwear in two, choosing to rather peel them off your legs slowly. You notice the hunger in his eyes as he does so, as if savoring the view of your cunt at his fingertips. A small drop of arousal pools down your ass, and Sylus scoops it up with one finger.

You watch as he puts his finger in his mouth, savoring the drop of you with swiftness. His piercing gaze never leaves yours though, and you want to suddenly run away and hide. This is beyond thrilling, but you try your best to remain as still as possible, scared that he’ll think you’re enjoying it too much and punish you accordingly.

You suddenly can’t take the tension anymore, and close your eyes. You hear the sound of Sylus removing his belt from its loops, then the loud clang as it hits the floor. You feel the bed shift as he lowers himself over you, his face stopping just inches over yours, indicated by the sudden feel and warmth of his breath. He grabs your face in his hand and squeezes your jaw. Hard.

“Look at me kitten” he commands, his tone filled with unkempt rage and anger. Your eyes fly open, terrified.

“I’m the only one that will ever taste you. Repeat it” he says. Before you can get a word out, he’s pushing the fat tip of his cock in your entrance. You cry out in agony, nowhere near ready to have been penetrated. But he doesn’t stop filling you.

“Repeat it. Or I’ll hit you again. Do you want that?”

“You’re t-the…ah!” you whine, his cock halfway inside you at this point. Your poor cunt feels like it’s being impaled, splitting pain soaring through your core.

“Try again”

You let out a whimper, trying your best to push through the pain and put thoughts into words.

“You’re the oh-only one that gets to taste me” you choke out, voice wavering and your eyes teary. Sylus gives a hard thrust, pushing the rest of his length inside you. You cry out again, feeling like you’re on the verge of passing out. Sylus seems unmoved by your outbursts though.

“And?”

You stare at him, barely able to see his face through the tears. What? What does he mean and? He didn’t say anything else did he?

“Hu-what?”

You hear him sigh with disapproval, giving you yet another hard thrust. And another. And another. You’re clinging onto his back now, nails digging into his skin as the sound of the bed creaking and your pants fill the room. Blood has probably been drawn on his back, not that he’d even notice. You can hear him grunting in your ear, clearly enjoying the feeling of you tightening around him when you tense from the pain. Although it still hurts, you can feel yourself accumulating to the shape and size of his length, and the pain lessons a bit more with each thrust. He stops once again, tilting your face in his grip.

“What did I say you forgot? Or is this kitten filled with too much cock to think straight now?” he mocks. You can hear the smile on his face despite not being able to see him clearly. Heat creeps up on your cheeks as you wrack your brain for answers.

“I-you…we’re kindred spirits?”

“Before that sweetie”

You blink the tears on your face away, your vision becoming a bit more clear. Although he’s still gazing down at you, his expression is not as angry as before. Seems he’s gotten a bit of his pent up anger out now.

“I belong to you, Sylus” you say, voice small and whiny from crying. That’s definitely what he wanted to hear, as he began to pepper kisses on your neck, on your cheek, and eventually resting on your lips. You greedily return his affection, leaning into this feverish kiss, the both of you only periodically stopping to pant for air between kisses. He stops, resting his forehead with yours, gazing into your eyes once more.

“And I belong to you. What’s mine is yours. All of it”

You don’t get a chance to respond before he’s thrusting again, this time with a continuous and steady pace. You cling onto him, the exchange of flowery words and rigorous thrusting already bringing you on the verge of ecstasy. Sylus already noticed long before you did though, as he brought his hand between the two of you, circling your clit further your stimulation.

“Go ahead, come undone for me” he whispers, voice strained for nearly being at his end too. Your body obeys, unraveling and writhing with pleasure as Sylus continues to pound into you. You ride your orgasm to its end, till the touching of your clit becomes too much and you whine from overstimulation.

“Sylus…!” you moan, and he stops, already at the start of his own climax. You shudder as you feel him spill into you, his seed immediately beginning to pool down your cunt and to your ass. He pulls his heavy cock out of you, a feeling of emptiness taking its place. For a moment nothing is said, just the sound of the both of you catching your breath.

You decide to break the silence.

“Sylus…I’m really sorry” you start, looking up at him. He simply chuckles, placing a kiss on your cheek before getting up to grab a rag from the bathroom.

“You’ve taken your punishment quite well, why are you apologizing again sweetie?” he says from the bathroom, coming back to wipe you clean. You scoff, slightly tensing from the coldness of the cloth.

“Hmph. Fine, I take it back then. I’m holding a grudge anyways for how hard you hit me”

He simply sighs as he finishes wiping you up. “Back with the infamous wit already? Can’t a man catch a break?”

You sit up, feeling emboldened once more.

“Nope. Maybe don’t hit me with the strength of a thousand suns next time and we’ll see”

Sylus tosses the rag in a laundry basket, making his way back to your side. He pulls you into his arms, embracing you in his warmth. You can’t help but smile against his chest.

“Well, good thing I have all night to make it up to you”

You lightly pinch his side, giggling into his embrace. A question crosses your mind.

"Did you mean it Sylus? We belong to each other?"

Sylus took your face in his hand, giving you a slight smile.

"I don't say stuff I don't mean. You know this"

That's the furthest he was willing to explain it. At least for now. Who knows what kind of power trip would ensue if you truly knew how much you had the big bad leader of Onychinus wrapped around your finger.

[iuspired]

confessions - suna rintarou

about: DEFINITELY ooc but we don’t talk about that 😙 just you nd ur bsf sunarin catching up as per usual with tea to spill from the past 😝 we love to see it!

a/n: i wrote this awhile ago actually🫣 im fully done w finals………. idk what to think im so scared for the future. also trying diff formats and will actually work on my navi post during the summer so bare w me lol. anyways thank u for all the love on my last post mwahhh <3

“you know i used to have a crush on you?” you say, in between bites of your food.

you and your childhood best friend, suna rintarou, are at your promised monthly hangout, which ended up only being every couple months because your universities were far away from each other, so you both settled to meet up whenever your breaks overlapped. but it didn’t matter to you either way because you texted each other almost every other day. whether it was a tiktok link or an 8 ball.

“you used to what?” he replies, mouth agape as he sets his chopsticks down.

“i mean, it wasn’t a huge crush,” you say, … “maybe i was gaslighting myself but we were really close back then y’know?”

“oh? why didn’t you ask me out then?”

“mmm not sure. i guess..” you think about it. it was probably because starting high school, girls were all over him. it was also probably because those same girls would come up to you. passive aggressively ask if you were his girlfriend. you’d reply with a lighthearted laugh, “noo! we’re just close friends. he’s all yours if you want him.” maybe it was because he wouldn’t reciprocate any of the interest and love he received. he always replied, saying something along the lines of ‘oh i’m focusing on school” or just a simple, “i’m not interested”

it was mostly though, because you thought he’d reject you if you initiated something. and not wanting to ruin the relationship you had already built throughout the years, you suppress your feelings.

“you guess?”

“fear of rejection?” you laugh nervously.

“you think i would’ve rejected you?” he asks. he tilts his head, raising his eyebrows, giving you a look as if you were supposed to know.

“you had no interest for anyone so… i mean. i-” you stammer. fuck, why did i even bring this up?!

“well, believe it or not, i too, had a crush on my bestfriend.”

and just like that, you almost spit out your drink. “sorry, you- you liked me?”

“and that’s so surprising because?” he questions.

he really cannot wrap his head around this, huh. “you turned everyone and their mother down? mr. i’m too focused on school and i’m not interested? i could only assume that i was not wanted.”

“but did i ever directly say that to you?”

“no, but you wouldn’t need to. i listened when you rejected their advances, i can take a hint y’know.”

he sighed. “if you had asked me out back then, my answer would be different.”

“really?” you ask.

“really.”

you raise your eyebrows as you sip your drink.

“don’t believe me? you can try me now.” he smirks, flashing the smile you had fallen for back then, and you almost fold right then and there. though despite his confident demeanor, the slight rosy tint on his cheeks gives his nervousness away.

“oh? it’s almost as if you want me to ask you out.”

he playfully rolls his eyes. “okay, so maybe i do, but only if you want to..”

you do your best to suppress a smile as your cheeks turn into the same rosy color.

“here goes. ahem.. i uh-” your mind goes blank.

“wait so.. how do you ask someone out?”

“well, i’ve never asked someone out before because they always ask me” he winks.

you playfully roll your eyes.

“don’t overthink it. it’s just me right?”

you almost forgot. it’s just rin. the same rin who’s always there for you. but this is different.

“right.. i say this in almost all your birthday cards but you’re truly my rock in life, and i reaally want to be yours, and maybe more so.. may i be your girlfriend, suna rintarou?”

“well, if you insist i guess,” he shrugs.

“wooooww.. i see how it is” you say, crossing your arms teasingly.

“r-rin..” he catches you off-guard as he takes your hand in his.

“yeess?” he grins.

you remove your hands, immediately missing the warmth from his hands.

“first date jitters?” he chuckles.

“this is our first date?”

“technically, i guess, but-“

“no way this is our official first date. i’m wearing sweats!” you exclaim, looking down at what you’re wearing.

“i don’t see an issue, you always look pretty in anything you wear.”

“th- thanks,” you blurt out. well that’s new.

but it’s something you could deeefinitely get used to.

[tan1shere]

Hi! So if you’re comfortable with it i’d love to request Professor!Billie x reader. I love how in “Her Favorite” Billie asks if Reader is okay and if she needs anything. So what if Reader is quiet and shy but is sh-ing maybe Billie sees scars on her arm? Idk just super fluffy and angsty. Again please only write it if you’re comfortable with the request. Have a great day and thank you for your amazing writing 💕

My priority

A/n: yes ofc !! Thank you for checking angel, I'm more than ok with writing this :) I hope you enjoy <3

Warnings - mentions of self harm, cuts ??, and depression, so please don't read if it's triggering in any way ! || Masterlist

Another draining day at this hell hole of a college. You dreaded it each day you just wanted to stay in bed and hide from everyone. You go to your first class of the day, wearing oversized everything as you couldn't care less you just wanted to be comfortable. You take a seat at the back, out of everyone's way. When you accidentally bump into someone. "Sorry." You say timidly. "Watch where you're going." They say bluntly. You sigh hoping this day doesn't drag on too much.

Nearing the end of this class, you couldn't be more happier. Although you loved your professor. She was the kindest person, and honestly made it a lot less horrible. Everyone has already left, like always you are the last to leave. "Bye Ms O'Connell." You give her a gentle smile. She does the same. "Bye sweetheart, have a good day." You blush slightly, she always made you so nervous. Did you have a slight crush on her?

Fast forward a few weeks and you were having the worst day known to man. You had woken up late, burned your tongue. Every little thing seemed to happen, badly. Setting your whole mood off. You had even forgotten your jacket, feeling cold. Bringing your arms around your body ever so slightly everywhere you went. You weren't always such a joyful person, you had severe depression. It always lingered inside you maybe that's why people never wanted to be near you, were you scary to them?

It was that same class again, and you honestly couldn't of been more thankful, knowing she'd cheer you up just by her presence. You go to sit down in your usual spot, writing down something when you feel a presence by you. Ms O'Connell, she was looking at you with the softest smile. But her eyes moved from your face and it faded. Your brows furrow wondering why she was looking at you in such a way. Had you spilt something on yourself- but as she walks to the front and you look. You facepalm.

You idiot, how could you forget your jacket for that reason. She most definitely saw them, and now you truly wanted to hide. Instead of being last you try to be the first one out. "Y/n, hun?" You hear her say making you stop. Her voice was so delicate. Your head turns to look at her. Humming in response. "Could we talk?" You slowly nod. Approaching her slowly, you look into her eyes. "I'm here for you." Is all she says. Your eyes avert from hers, watching as the other students leave. "And you can always-" She begins but you turn back to face her with tears in your eyes.

It truly breaks her heart. She doesn't say a word just brings you into a hug which you tightly reciprocate. Crying softly into the hug. "It's ok, you can talk to me." She soothes your hair, gently kissing the top of it. She knew you needed as much comfort right now. "I feel so alone." You sobbed, honestly quite pathetically but you couldn't care less you just needed this hug desperately. You needed warmth of someone.

"Shhh, it's ok. You're never alone. And if it helps you have me, I promise." Maybe it was childhood trauma but you felt comfort in her, even if she was your professor. She moves you with her going into her tiny office in the room. "We can sit here for awhile, you can rant. Cry more. Or just stay silent whatever you prefer. Just know I'm here for you." You hug her so tightly after she says that.

You finally felt seen.

Im so sorry if this isn't the best :( my brain was lacking more creativity but I hope this is what you were after even a little bit :)!

[tazofthehollow]

do i wanna know?

chapter 3.

summary: fleeing to college after catching your highschool sweetheart cheating, you find yourself right back in your home town 4 years later. your degree almost complete & your sanity slowly slipping, you find solace in the one place you know you shouldn’t. your dads best friend. Dean Winchester.

word count: idk something embarrassingly long probably🫣

warnings : mature 18+, dbf, AU, yearning AF, spn content, grumpy/sunshine ish?? idk (im trying to include most of the main characters from spn, again AU)

a/n: thank you all so much for the support on this series, i already have all the chapters finished besides the epilogue. look out for the bonus content, i don’t know how im ever gunna let these two go😔 (also last minute decided not to include smut, i feel as if im not skilled enough to write it yet so please be patient with me on that)

the next morning you were sitting at the kitchen counter, lazily stirring sugar into your coffee. the early light filtered through the window & you could hear the faint sound of birds outside. it was one of those quiet mornings where nothing felt completely urgent & you were content to let the world turn without you for awhile.

then your dad walked in.

Jp strolled in with a mug in hand, whistling some tune that immediately made you suspicious. he was never this happy this early in the morning. especially way too happy when you realized the man hadn’t even had his first cup of coffee yet. was he sick? dying? no oh my god did he meet someone?

“what’s with your good mood?” you asked eyeing him over the rim of your mug “you meet someone?”

“me?” he chuckled. “you know better sticks, but nothing.” he said far to casually, as he poured his coffee & leaned against the counter. there was a glint of mischief in his eyes

you narrowed your eyes at him “okay what the hell did you do”

your dad grinned, widely. too widely. your stomach clenched. you knew you weren’t going to like what came next. “i got dean a date”

the spoon you were using to stir your coffee froze mid-swirl. you blinked at him. hoping, praying to some higher power. praying you misheard. maybe you were sleep deprived “you what?”

“i set him up” he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the fucking world. you felt the bile rise to the back of your throat, your coffee that was tight in your grip now abandoned at the table. he continued on while he poured some milk into his coffee “nice girl. works down at our shop. figured it been awhile since he had some female company, ya know kiddo?” he chuckled overly amused with himself “look at me, rhyming”

your chest tightened, though you tried your absolute hardest to keep your expression neutral. you picked your coffee cup up, taking a hesitant sip buying yourself a moment of courage to utter out “& uh deans…. okay with this?”

“well he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it at first.” your dad admitted, shrugging. “but i convinced him id be good for him.”

you forced a smile, your stomach churning “sounds… great. uh good for him”

your dad didn’t seem to notice the strain in your voice as he turned his attention to the newspaper on the counter. “she’s meeting him here tonight, actually. gonna let him borrow my truck since his cars in the shop. thought you might wanna say hello before they go”

you nodded, staring bullets into your coffee. the world was against you, that’s the only solution. it could offer the mercy of opening up a giant hole & swallowing you up but no. that’d be extremely too kind of it. you let out a sigh, maybe you were born to suffer.

————-

by evening, you’d been pacing your room for at least an hour. trying your absolute hardest to convince yourself that you did not care. you couldn’t care. that was irrational, sure you thought there was maybe something more lingering just beneath. just out of both your grasps but that all came crashing down the second you dad said dean & date in one sentence. a sentence that didn’t include you. fuck you can’t think like that, rationally you can’t be mad. that’s ridiculous, you’d just distance yourself for a bit. hopefully to push this stupid crush down. fuck yall weren’t teenagers. you physically cannot do this-

your dad called your name as you mumbled a “i’m coming” you threw on your black hoodie as you forced your legs down the stairs. you glanced out the door when your dad opened it, seeing dean leaning against your dads car. he looked… different. the usual leather jacket & flannel were gone. replaced by a crisp button up shirt, he had even styled his hair. how did he still look like he didnt try too hard; how was he so per- no. absolutely not.

if you weren’t caught up in your own thoughts, maybe you would’ve realized his face told a completely different story. his jaw was set tight. his hands were shoved deep into his pockets, & his expression was closer to someone heading to a dentist appointment for a root canal than a date.

you bit the inside of your cheek as you decided to call out “big night, huh?” you called as you hesitantly stepped out onto the porch. the cold wood calming the burning in your heart.

dean glanced at you, his eyes flickering to yours briefly before returning to the ground. “something like that”

you tilted your head studying him for the first time, not his outfit or his stupid — perfect — hair but his facial expression. he looked as if he had seen a ghost.

“you don’t seem excited”

“i’m not” he admitted, his voice flat

you opened your mouth to respond, but the sound of his phone ringing interrupted. he glanced down at the caller id before averting his gaze & waving briefly, before he drove off you met his eyes through the windshield. you watched him drive off, a hollow feeling in your chest

——————

after dean left, you tried to distract yourself. you painted your nails. practiced a few notes on the guitar, questioned your dad on why dean had to be picked up here. he kept his response very short. saying sam dropped him off since the impala was here, you were suspicious but you know he’d be suspicious of you pressed on any questions on why.

you later found yourself laying on the couch, clutching a beer desperately. from an outsiders point of view you probably looked miserable & desperate, you shook your head at yourself. you glanced at your phone & ultimately decided to pick it up, you dialed cas’ phone number & within the hour you found yourself in the same position but on cas’ couch. wrapped in a warm blanket, staring blankly at the tv. the opening credits of your favorite movie playing. Walk the line. but you were anything but watching it.

cas, sitting beside you with his usual calm presence didn’t miss a thing.

“alright bug” he said, grabbing the remote & pausing the movie. “what’s going on?”

you sighed, tugging the blanket tighter around yourself “nothing.”

cas gave you a look, the kind that told you he absolutely wasn’t buying the bullshit you were throwing at him.

“it’s stupid” you muttered

“tell me anyways” cas said, his voice soft but insistent.

you hesitated but before you could overthink it you blurted out “my dad set dean up on a date”

cas blinked, processing your words. “& that’s bothering you because…?”

“it’s not bothering me” you said quickly, even you didn’t believe it.

cas tilted his head slightly, his expression patient as he said your name.

you sighed, sinking deeper into the couch “okay. fine. maybe it is. but it’s not like i have absolutely any right to feel that way. he’s dean. jesus. i sound crazy. he can date whoever he wants”

cas’ gaze softening “you care about him. that’s not a bad thing.”

you frowned, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. “it’s not like it matters though he doesn’t see me that way. plus i have all that baggage from the colter shit”

“first, we’re talking about that as soon as you’re comfortable. second, you don’t know that” cas said gently

you stayed quiet, staring at the paused screen. cas leaned back, giving you a moment before he added “whatever happens you need to be honest with yourself first, the rest will follow.”

—————————-

the next few days were a blur of avoidance, every time you saw deans name pop on your phone, you ignored it. everytime you stopped by the house, you conveniently “had plans.” even at bobby’s diner, you stuck to the back as much as possible. keeping your interactions with him brief & impersonal.

you took cas’ advice too heart. but not he way he probably wanted you too. avoidance was now your middle name, you couldn’t help it honestly. you never heard about deans date & you most definitely didn’t want too. all you could think was, what if he enjoyed it? your dad mentioned he was around his age. she was funny & sweet. you were definitely funny, but you never really got referred to as sweet.

it wasn’t easy, at all. you could feel his gaze on you whenever you passed by him. part of you, a part deep inside of you hated yourself for how much you missed him.

one evening, your dad brought him over dinner.

“dean stopped by earlier.” he said, flipping through the newspaper. his reading glasses sitting on the edge of his nose, as it crinkles up when he talks “said he hadn’t seen you around much”

your stomach twisted, but you tried you hardest to keep your voice even. “i’ve been busy”

“uh-huh” your dad said, his tone skeptical. “well, he didn’t mention the date. if that’s what you’re worried about”

you froze, your fork halfway to your mouth “what do you mean?”

your dad shrugged, “said it went fine but wasn’t nothin special. thought you might be uh relieved to know.”

your heart skipped a beat, but you kept your tone neutral. that didn’t mean anything. maybe she just wasn’t his type, maybe it was a coincidence he mentioned he hadn’t seen you & that his date wasn’t nothing special. yeah probably a coincidence “i wasn’t worried”

“right” your dad chuckled before giving you a knowing look, adjusting his reading glasses & turning back to his paper. the cover a picture of Colter & Jo on their wedding day. this time, your stomach didn’t turn & your face didn’t burn. you felt, neutral? maybe you are growing up.

——————

that night, you lay in your bed. staring at the ceiling. your dads words & cas’ advice spinning circles in your mind. you couldn’t keep avoiding dean forever, but the thought of confronting hoe you feel terrified you.

maybe it was time to stop running.

————-

dean wasn’t one for heart to hearts. chic-flic moments were a no go & everyone knew that. sam especially. so when dean called him late that night, mumbling something about needing a beer. sam didn’t ask questions. he kissed eileen’s forehead before he slipped out the front door. he pulled into deans driveway, seeing him sitting in the garage. a low hum of black sabbath roaring in the background as he mindlessly fiddles with some part of a car that sam had little to no knowledge about. he had a six pack in hand, ready to listen.

they made their way to deans front porch, the night air cool & still. dean popped the cap off his beer bottle & stared into the distance at the calming pine trees that lined his property. he caught a glimpse of the moon, he was being unusually quiet & that was alarming sam. dean was a lot of things but quiet was not one.

sam broke the silence first “so what’s going on?”

dean took a long swig of his beer, trying to find the courage until he decides to mutter out “it’s sticks.”

sam smirked “oh you don’t say?”

dean shot him a look, but it lacked its usual bite. “i mean it, sam. something’s different… she’s avoiding me. & it’s driving me fucking nuts.” dean takes a bigger draw off his beer.

“have you asked her why?” sam asked. leaning back into his chair as he takes a swig of his own beer.

dean sighed, running a hand through his hair. “i tried. but she just brushes me off, then there’s cas.”

sam raised his eyebrows, almost chocking on his beer “cas?”

“she’s always with him” dean muttered his voice low. “laughing. smiling. it’s like.. i don’t know. i feel like a third wheel sometimes or something”

sam was quiet for a moment before he said, “you’re jealous”

“i’m not jealous” dean snapped.

sam chuckled. “dean, you’re jealous, it’s okay to admit it.“

dean groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “fine, maybe i am. but what the hell am i supposed to do bout it? i’m Jps best friend. if i mess this-“

“you won’t” sam said firmly. “but you do need to actually talk to her, avoiding this isn’t doing anyone any favors.”

dean sighed. the weight of his feelings pressing heavy on his chest. “maybe you’re right” he mutters.

—————-

the morning after your avalanche of feelings, you found your dad in his garage. it was the weekend, he was technically off but he never really took “off” having his own work place right in his backyard. right now though, he was tinkering with some tool that probably hadn’t worked in years.

“morning” you say, leaning against the doorway with your cup of coffee.

“mornin sticks” he replied without looking up

you watched him for a moment, before stepping inside. “need any help?”

he glanced at you. a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “you’re offering to get your hands dirty? here i was starting to worry college made you soft”

you chuckled as you grabbed a rag.

the two of you worked in comfortable silence for awhile, the sound of clinking tools filling the space. after awhile, your dad said “you’ve been quiet today”

you hesitated, wiping your hands on the rag. “just… a lot on my mind lately”

he nodded, his expression softening, “you know you can talk to me right sticks? bout anything”

“i know,” you said. & you meant it.

he reached over, squeezing your shoulder “good. don’t let stuff eat at you. you’re helluva lot stronger than you think”

his words settled deep in your chest, grounding you in a way only your father could.

———

later that day you had a shift at bobby’s, you pulled into the parking lot at 3:30. you slide open the mirror on your sun-visor seeing the unwelcomed bags under your eyes after a night of tossing & turning. great. fantastic. you think to yourself. you rub your hands down your face in a “snap out of it” kind of way & head inside. your shift was seemingly normal, you were behind the counter refilling coffee cups & wiping down tables. after the afternoon rush had come & gone, leaving the place in a lull.

you were busy stacking plates when the bell above the door jingled. the only other waitress, meg was outside for a smoke break so you called out “i’ll be with you in just a second” without sparing a glance away from your mountain of dirty dishes. when you finally did, your stomach flipped.

Dean.

he walked in, completely disregarding the waitress/customer banter. his boots were heavy against the floor, & he was headed straight for the counter. straight for you.

“youve been avoiding me.” he said, leaning against the counter.

you froze, like a deer in headlights. you gripped the edges of the plates tighter as you muttered out “i’ve been busy”

“bullshit” he said, his forest green eyes locking on yours. “what’s going on sticks?”

“nothing” you said placing the plates down, turning to grab the coffee pot.

dean reached out, gently grasping your wrist as he says “hey. talk to me”

you hesitated. the weight of his gaze pressing down on you.

“is it cas?” he asked, his voice quieter now.

you chuckle. you actually fucking chuckle. “huh?”

“you & him” dean said, his jaw tightening. “do you.. have feelings for him?”

you stared at him, realizing he was being completely serious. not even a sliver of teasing in his tone. “dean no. he’s my bestfriend. that’s it”

dean exhaled, his shoulders relaxing visibly “then why the hell are you avoiding me?”

you looked away, unable to answer. the truth was tangled up in your chest. too messy to even attempt to put into words.

“is it the date?” he asked, his tone softer now.

your silence was enough answer as you grabbed a cup, filled it full of coffee & handed it to dean. just the way he liked it.

———

dean ran a hand through his hair, his expression was unreadable. you were starting to question how long a smoke break really lasted, you even let your thoughts wonder to the possibility that dean bribed meg to stay out there until he came out, the thought almost made you laugh until you realized the situation you were still currently in. deans voice echoed as he said

“it didn’t mean anything sticks. the date. it was your dad trying to play matchmaker or something.” dean finished, his voice even quieter now. as if he was scared of the words that are gunna fall from his lips, he leaned back slightly but keeping his eyes trained on you he admits “o didn’t even wanna go”

your heart jumped at his admission, but you tried to keep your tone neutral. “then why did you?”

dean gave a small, humorless laugh. “because your dads stubborn as hell & he wouldn’t let it go. i figured after fighting him on it for so long it was easier to just get it over with”

you set the coffee pot down, your fingers gripping the edge of the counter. “you didn’t have to, ya know?”

dean looked at you, his eyes searching yours for something. a flicker of anything. “yeah, well, saying no to your dad is one thing. saying no & trying to explain why is another”

“why?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

dean hesitated, his jaw working like he was physically wrestling with his words. “because” he finally said, his voice low but steady. “the only person i’d wanna go on a date with is standing right infront of me”

the words hung in the air, heavy & charged with electricity like zeus himself was present. your breath caught in your throat, your pulse racing as his meaning sank in.

“i…” you started to say something, but nothing came out. your mind was spinning, the truth of your own feelings crashing into you like a wave. it wasn’t one sided, you weren’t crazy. he felt the same?

dean took a step closer, his eyes softening “if i’ve been making things harder for you, im sorry i just… i didn’t know how to handle this really”

“handle what?” you asked, your voice trembling.

“this.” he said. gesturing between the two of you. “whatever the hell this is. i’ve been trying to ignore it, trying to push it down & not feel it but it’s not going away. i don’t even think i want it too anymore”

you stared at him, your heart pounding in your chest. “dean. my dad—“

“i know” he said quickly, cutting you off. “that’s part of the problem. he’s my bestfriend, the last thing i wanna do is fuck that up but.. i can’t just keep pretending i don’t feel this”

the honesty in his voice, the vulnerability, left you breathless. for a long moment neither of you said anything, the silence stretching between you two like a taunt wire.

“i don’t know what to say” you admitted finally, your voice barely audible.

“you don’t have to say anything right now sweetheart” dean said softly, “i just. i just needed you to know. whatever happens, i just want you to be honest with me. can you do that?”

you nodded slowly, your throat tightening restricting your breathing.

dean gave you a small, almost sad smile. “good that’s all i’m asking.”

he stepped back, giving you space, & the absences of his warmth left you feeling suddenly cold. without another word, he turned & walked out of the diner, leaving you standing there with your heart in your throat & your mind racing.

———————

the rest of your shift passed in a blur, meg slipped back inside soon after dean left. that rose your suspicions even more but you decided against prying for answers. your conversation with dean was on an endless loop, by the time you got home. you felt emotionally wrung out. your thoughts were a tangled mess of what if’s & unanswered questions.

your dad was in the living room, watching some old western but he glanced up as soon as you walked in. “you okay, sticks?”

“yeah” you lied, managing to muster up a small smile “just tired.”

he gave you a knowing look, but didn’t press & you were so extremely grateful for that. you retreated to your bedroom, collapsing onto your bed & staring up at your ceiling.

deans worde echoed in your mind, “the only person i’d wanna go on a date with is standing right infront of me”

a part of you wanted to run to him, to tell him you felt the exact same way. but another part of you— the part that spent years trying to keep your feeling buried— was terrified of what it could mean. not just for you & dean, but for your dad, for everything.

you closed your eyes, trying to quiet the racing thoughts but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t quite shake the feeling that everything was about to change.

————-

tag list :

@spnaquakindgdom

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

I shouldn't be allowed to think up terribly constructed crossover ideas

So Dragon Age Inquisition x Baldurs Gate 3 crossover.

The dark urge - refered to as durge for simplicities sake- wakes up at the Conclave and becomes the herald. They've fallen across realms I'd say just after they'd have entered lower Baldurs Gate so they've met Gortash and know they're a bhallspawn etc.

They are of course distinctly put off by this random ass god apparently picking them as their Chosen. Thank you the fuck not, take it back they don't want it.

This would be a on the path to redemption durge, so they're fucking terrified about the urges and still get them but don't tell anyone because quite frankly the last time they did their companions went eh we all have thoughts of eating people's faces for dinner until they found out they were the festering spawn of the god of murder himself.

So you have this dragonborn who's like a skittish halla but they seem to be trying their best and everyone's like maybe the gold who worshiped that dragon at haven thinking it was Andraste might have been onto something actually. Buy point is, they're nice enough and seem to just want to help people and are combat trained, well trained in fact but seemed more comfortable fighting the less humanoid spirits than they did the humanoid ones. So maybe they don't like killing.

Then they take durge to the Hinterlands and it'd like they've set lose a wild animal. It's so easy to kill, so easy to indulge the urges in this way because indiscriminate battles are easy to find here. And it takes the companions aback bc that is a bit weird but it is efficient and as long as the claws are aimed in the right direction....

This entire time durge is having a crisis bc the urges are so muted and they finally feel normal but they know they aren't and they're terrified they'll snap.

Bhaal keeps trying to get through to his wayward child, the equivalent of leaving 17 answer phone messages screaming to call him back. The spirits around haven are beating him off with a stick. Leave this weird funky dragonling alone. You're not welcome here, bad vibes and all.

(The tadfools are banging at the doors of the realms asking for their resident bhaalbabe back. They very clearly had a do not separate sticker on them smh. This is important but not imperative. Basically no time is passing in toril compared to thedas is what is important to know)

Durge manages to keep the facade up all thr way till the fall of haven. In fact they mange to keep it up until having to face Corypheus head on.

Thankfully none of the rest of their companions are around to see it but Corypheus does his whole "I gazed upon the throne of God and it was empty" speech and essentially gets hit with Durges own version of:

"I am the bloody spawn of murder itself, the tempted and tempered blade of my father's massacre, the scion of death and all the pain that will be wrought, I shall be the last thing you remember and know that as I paint every inch of this world red in offering to my father your death will not even be a footnote in his payment ledger" speech bc they've been on that repression game for awhile and there's that much blight and the veil is so weak that Bhaal finally manages to reach them and there is just a flood of the urge that spews out of them.

There is a distinct reason Corypheus is getting tf out of there after that. He hopes the avalanche kills whatever demigod he stumbled upon the throne room of the Maker was empty and he might have found out why. He will continue the plan far away from here.

Durge makes it back to the Haven band, bloody and worse for ware, story continues but as everything happens they are clearly in worse and worse mental straights and Solas takes onw for the team and is like ill have a look in their dreams, if they have any, and comes away with the distinct worry about if Elgar'nan fucked his own blighted dragon and if that's the Inquisitor.

Idk anymore than thst this is just bouncing in my head rn

[imthepunchlord]

So, awhile back, you mentioned that for your miraculous rewrite, you were considering turning some of the akumas into their villains, so out of curiosity which akumas do you think could works as their own villains?

Teeeechnically spoilers, though the fic isn't coming that soon and I guess this wouldn't really give away too many details and not everything is for sure...

Honestly, most of them, so far, are a handful of the season 1 akumas. I can't think of any akumas from s2 that stood out to me as potential villains to stand on their own, and I stopped watching around s3 so any akumas post s2 I either don't remember or just haven't seen.

Horrificator I'd vote to be a mythical creature, as in hindsight, it's kinda icky that the plus size girl is the only one with a monstrous akuma out of all girls (that I know of).

So Horrificator instead may work better to be her own thing, and be an intro to other types of magic out there than just the Miraculous.

Darkblade I feel could've been his own thing, could've tied him to the Arthurian legends (maybe he has a corrupted Excalibur), or could've been tied to the Catacombs, which I don't think Miraculous has covered yet, and he could've had a magical sword that animates suits of armor. And if Chloe was to have an arc, could work off him targeting her family as he seeks to be the mayor.

Mime I could see possibility in being his own villain, the ability to mime could be it's own sort of magic and could be fun; but I do also think he was one of the better akumas in s1, having a good balance of being powerful but having limits, and a good set up for him becoming one. So he could go either way.

Pharaoh I'd lean being his own villain. Rewatching it recently, he was a very awkward akuma as he wasn't working off Jalil himself, he was like he was the actual pharaoh revived, talking about how he clashed with a Ladybug hero 5000 years ago and I'm like...

Does this mean the Butterfly also has the power of letting old souls possess people in the present? Or is Jalil just LARPing as an akuma? Idk. It was just really awkward so he's be an akuma I'd vote to just go ahead and be his own thing. And it can work off classic mummies being enemies.

The last one off the top of my head is Volpina. I'm of the belief that Lila either should've come to Paris already having the Fox, or she did actually buy the Fox Miraculous from the jewelry store. This also goes in hand that I don't think Fu should've had 16-17 Miraculous with him (depending if you think he does have the Rabbit or not as that seems kinda up in the air). It actually makes much more sense that he lost more than just 2 or 3 given the chaos, and it better works off him sending out the very two Gabriel wanted if Fu had more limited options on what he could do.

This also could've had Volpina nicely reveal to the heroes that there are more Miraculous out there than the initial 3 they knew about. This also would've made Lila work more naturally as a threat if she had a Miraculous and was playing hero, competing with the other heroes for glory, and coming to side with Gabriel later. A lot better than her spending s2 sulking in her room.

There could be others, but off the top of my head, these are the major ones.

[tumfullofblue]

One Last Chance (LoF2 Director/fem!Reader) (Sugg!)

Very self indulgent, VERY personal little ficlet (3 pages, good lord), inspired by me replaying Layers of Fear 2, and honestly finding it better than i first thought! And listen, if Tony Todd's voice didn't make your skin cover with goosebumps, idk what is wrong with you.

Probably will be a part 2 with weird sex, and I know yall freaks love weird sex, so. Might as well stay tuned.

Suggestive material under the cut!

You refused to accept the life you didn’t deserve. That’s why you tried, again and again. Despite closed doors. Despite funny looks behind curling smoke. Despite endless no, no, no. You had a fire in your soul, a longing to create something beautiful, and that need fueled the flame in your eyes. Someone must notice, someone must see it!..

You will be acting.

You will be recognized once again.

Some offers from sly men in fancy suits involved you spreading your legs and even then, there was a slim chance of you actually getting a role. You felt sick even thinking about it now. You weren’t innocent, but you won’t be falling this low. Days of searching and tons of answered calls and letters turned into almost a whole year without acting. Money have been running low for awhile now. Your name was fading away on the movie posters. You felt like everyone forgot who you even were; erased from existence, just a shadow of what little fame you had. Until one night, your old manager called and told you – this is it. This is your last chance, missy. Don’t fuck this up.

You weren’t going to.

He told you the Director of this flick was… an unusual man. Barely anyone saw him in person, let alone on set, doing his titular job. He preferred writing, endless notes of immaculate penmanship, or leaving voice notes on a fancy machine that was invented just a few years ago. But his movies were so much more than a cheap crap you acted in - they were elevated, on a verge of drama and terror, so real and surreal at the same time – and he specifically requested that you start… in a leading role. With no real audition at all. He said he will pass you the script himself. You had no idea what you were getting into and you couldn’t care less. It wasn’t so much about money, now. It was intriguing. It was new. It was one last chance you so desperately needed. And the filming will be taking place on a ship. A ship!.. To a girl barely used to trains, to see the monster that was this cruise ship was like seeing the leviathan. To add to a shock, you were assigned with your very own suite. You wouldn’t fuck this up.

You got used to live on a ship faster than you at anticipated. Got accustomed to constant rocking, and waves crushing, and endless sea and the filming crew, too. They were good people, but the moment you tried to ask about the script, the title, or god forbid, the director, everyone fell silent, avoiding your gaze. For a few days you thought it was some sort of a cruel joke – similar to ones you had to endure when you were just a little girl, trying to act in the local theater. The mere thought of being mocked again gave your nightmares enough fuel to bloom one night. In the morning, you woke up sweaty and exhausted and were greeted by a note under your door’s step – asking to meet the Director in a projector room, somewhere at the lower decks.

You decided to dress casually, choosing dark trousers and a shirt to compliment your beautiful shoulders, hoping Director would appreciate your professional appearance. The door to a projector room was just like any other door on a ship and yet, you felt something was different about it. Colder, somehow. Much more darker. You knocked, waited for an answer and heard just a whisper back, or maybe, it was the everlasting hum of ship’s engine. In any case, you opened the door and stepped into the small, dimly lit room. The projector’s light cut through the darkness, a sharp, singular ray. On a white screen - a scene from a movie, showing a young, gallant man flipping through pages. Your gaze traveled further to the back of the room until you saw a figure. The Director was standing just outside projector’s beam – a tall, dark silhouette, impossible to see his face. But when he started talking…

“You’re early," he murmured. "Or perhaps I’ve simply been waiting… longer than you think."

A voice like a cello dragged through honey and shattered glass—deep, resonant, but with a blade hidden in every syllable. Not a voice meant for human ears. Something that licked at the base of your skull, slow and deliberate, as if testing your resonance. The kind of voice that made silence ache afterward, like a bruise pressed in the dark. A flush crawled up your throat. Your knees locked. Your breath snagged. Humiliating. This wasn’t the script. This wasn’t acting. This was your pulse howling yes against your ribs; singing back the echo of director’s voice.

“Your script is on a table,” he motioned with a hand and you saw that it was gloved – long fingers, maybe, even a bit too long. “Read it. Tell me it’s exactly what you wanted to see.”

You obeyed him without hesitation, a bit scared that it was so, so easy to do. You didn’t even said your greeting, or any of the words you practiced in front of the mirror. The stack of papers was large and heavy; you flipped through a few of them. There were little to no lines – mostly the description of scenes. For what you understood, it was a deep dive into the troubled mind of some artist – you would be playing his muse. Okay. You could do that. Boost your self esteem large enough to believe, that you can inspire anyone.

“Read your lines. Memorize them. Feel them resonate within you – and you will do just fine, little miss. I saw your acting. You have limitless potential; find joy that you are finally with someone who will help you achieve… everything.”

God, this voice was doing something to you. You nodded, hoping that he could see that in the cold darkness of a projector’s room. A flick of a lighter, a small fire that barely light up his face. A smoke curling.

“Good. That’s all for now. We will start shooting tomorrow morning.”

“Wait. Uh, what… what about rehearsals? And the rest of the script-” you heard your own voice coming out wrong, shy, broken. The silence felt heavy between you two – like a large salty wave, ready to crush on you. You felt sorry for even breathing in his presence.

“You don’t need them. I have my own methods. You will be wise to learn your lines… and follow my instructions. I need your trust in my work just as much as you need me,” a long drag of a cigarette. No breathing out.

“That’s all for now, sweetness.”

<…>

You were whimpering in your pillow that night, hand between your legs, fucking yourself stupid with your fingers, the sinful sounds of your pleasure filling your suite and bouncing off your walls. Sweetness? Sweetness?! You weren’t sweet! How dared he talked like that… l-like… that…

You moaned, hitting the spongy spot inside your walls, pressing on it, rubbing it down, your body slick with sweat. Who the hell does he think he is? A puffed-up director with a ego the size of a mountain, that's all! And yet… he believed in you. He saw a talent in you, surely, he recognized the flame in your eyes that could match his own – together, you will create a perfect movie, you will be a star!..

‘Sweets to the sweet.’

Fucking hell… you didn’t even saw his face and yet, with his presence and his voice alone, you could almost feel his gloved hands roaming around your body, pinching your soft love handles, cupping your breasts, exploring you, his starlet, his little star… Your fingers curled – if only it was him, him watching how you acted, no, lived through this blinding white pleasure!..

When you finished, satisfied and exhausted, you curled up on your side, the lines flowing in your head like soft clouds. You didn’t even had to remember them, there was so few of them. You swore something moved in darkness, but you were too tired to look. And when sleep took you to the land of dreams, you didn’t see a hand with too many fingers reaching from the corner, stretching all across the room to your bed, stroking your cheek.

“Beautiful,” the shadow whispered. “Almost perfect. You will be so… so fun to reshape, darling. Sleep well. For soon… you won’t be sleeping at all.”

[quinloki]

Do you wanna guess what I thought about all night Quin?

I’m legit trying to figure out what I need to sacrifice to get to be in between these two

….

And Izou. And Ace >>

I do NOT HAVE TIME to stay up and read tonight bc a repairman is coming early but ugh I was so tempted to reread that kinktober piece you did even tho I just reread it like…. Last week…

Gonna be looking that grouping up on ao3 too, I know I read another one with that set up awhile ago >>

But not tonight alas I will head off to bed at a respectable time (2am lmao) and think about them

Omg but I was going thru the tabs on my computer looking for something…. And I still have that wbp yandere ask you were sent up… and I gave it another glance and my brain went brrrr

Anyways

I just wanted you to know you killed me and I was brain rotting the whole night at work. My coworker said I was very quiet and I was like oh uh it was the smelling salts yep totally that nothing else >>

I think Thatch is gonna sneak his way onto my blorbo list here soon…

XD <3

Thatch kind of snuck his way with me too. He's very much a background character, and even with additional flash backs we don't get much on him - which is understandable, the cast of One Piece is massive.

But we get personality and such from extra, like official game pop art and such, and I think they did a good job just because the general fanon for Thatch is so consistent. Details change here and there, but I mean, that's the joy of fandom, fanon, and head canon honestly.

I have a Thatch x Reader I've got some notes for, but that's admittedly a ways off. I need to wrap more up before I dive into it (though the outline is going well, I might make it my NaNo this year and just do it all in one month.)

He's just so BIG. Like, he's barrel-chested, his hair's big, he's got that big wide smile. Idk, I know we don't get much of him, but he just has a BIG presence to me, and at the same time I feel like he's such a hopeless romantic. Maybe it's the more traditional "cook" outfit he has, or even the pompadour.

Like, who would do that to their hair unless they thought it was going to attract the ladies? 😂🥰 (or laddies.)

He whistles or hums while he cooks, I just know he does, and if he's cooking something special for someone special? He's practically singing, deep tenor teetering on baritone notes vibrating against that wide chest, damn dopey grin on his face.

(I also think he has just the best worst sense of humor and you cannot convince me he wouldn't just be FUN in the sack. (that is a very very nude image, open with care!))

[idunnowatimdoin]

hahahaha, remember when I thought 2021 was bad??

So if you're reading this, kudos!! You are an incredibly kind, patient, awesome human being who somehow put up with my bullshit 2+ year radio silence and decided to tough it out in the hope I came back. Well!! I'm back and I'm hoping I stay back for awhile -- at least long enough to finish my fics, please @ the universe.

Idk how many of you care about why I disappeared, but for all 3 of you who do, it's bc I've been kind of dead inside??

So I started writing all these fics while I was still in medical school. Hence why Nitric Oxide has so much weird medical jargon in it that non-medical people are like ?? why tho ?? Bc writing the fic was in part a way for me to study while still engaging in an activity I love. Going back and reading through those earlier chapters has parts that make me laugh and some parts that make me cringe, bc now I'm 2 years out of medical school and I've grown a LOT as a medical provider ( and some of the things I wrote are not correct for how I or Obi would practice ). At some point I'm going to have to go do an edit/rewrite of some of those parts. Bc oof

But anyways, yeah I was kinda dead inside for a long time there. See, I really, really, really had my heart set on going into psychiatry, but I didn't match into a psychiatry residency program. So I took a position in a transitional year program, which is basically a way of working as a resident while you still apply for programs in the specialty you want to get into (or for some people, it's a year of medicine they have to do before they can start their specialty training like people going into radiology or anesthesia). And just...

If you're in the medical field: DO NOT WORK AT AN HCA HOSPITAL IF YOU CAN AVOID IT. Holy FUCK, that organization is so fucking toxic and soul-sucking and awful. Like. That whole year I spent there was so miserable it took me all of last year to finally recover and get back to a place where I could even think of writing again bc I barely had the energy to take care of myself, let alone to engage in artistic pursuits or passion projects.

Anyways, I won't get into details about why it sucked, but it did. I was in such a dark place while I was there. It didn't help that I applied for psychiatry residencies again and still didn't match, so I was faced with the choice of giving up my dream or doing another year in Hell.

Well... I'm an emergency medicine resident now. To be fair, I worked as a scribe in the ED before medical school and it's ALWAYS been a close second choice for me. And now that I'm here, I gotta admit I kind of LOVE it. More than I thought I would. But it still stings, and I won't lie and pretend there's a small part of me that aches over my lost dream.

But anyways. Fuck capitalistic, for-profit medicine. A lot of us doctors hate it just as much as all the rest of you do.

Hopefully this current hyperfixation lasts awhile and I can crank out a lot of chapters for yall and maybe even finish (gasp, I know right??) a fic or two here.

Thank you for reading, if you did. I truly do appreciate each and every one of you and all the kind words and compliments you pay me and my brain children.

I hope y'all have a wonderful day/night.

-Sam

[springtimesdaughter]

Hey Annon! I apologize for not replying sooner. I was avoiding PJO for awhile because of some conflict I had with some people, but I have been working on updating my Percy Jackson/Ethan Nakamura story. It won't be out any time soon, but it's been a couple years and my writing has improved a lot, plus there are scenes I want to add and change. I've been working on it the past couple of months. The new story already having 7,000 words and not even halfway through the outline I have. I can't tell you when it will be out (I have school and a job plus family obligations that I need to focus on) but I will get this done even if it takes me another six months to finish.

Thank you for the Percy/Ethan brainrot and ideas, and they were fun to look at, I didn't reply to any of it because I'm organized to an extreame degree and decided I needed to make a side blog for my PJO stuff before I could reply. Anyway here are some of my thoughts that have been long in the making.

1. That's such a cool idea. One that is really cute and sweet but one that I won't be including in this version of the story. Maybe I'll write another one with that detail, but I'm wierd like that and would deep dive the subject and end up learning about a very specific rural tradition about one village in an isolated prefecture and get so far off track from where I started. I'll keep the idea in mind, but my version of Percy and Ethan wouldn't do this simply because on the off chance that they get caught having similar iteams they wouldn't want to risk the safety of the other. In a timeline where the circumstances weren't as dire they sure would, but in this one? They already know what they are doing is very dangerous and any more risk could upend everything. Maybe I'll explore why they don't do it in the fic? IDK depends on how my writing goes.

2. Not at first they don't. They are so awkward in the begining and honestly cautious. Ethan because this is Percy Jackson someone with sometimes incomprehendedable strengths and powers, he wants to keep some distance, and Percy because Ethan could be a threat to his family and friends and he doesn't want them to get hurt. However after they get closer and start to realize any meeting could be their last? They hug all the time, stay in the others personal space, and soak up the presence of the other like it will replenish their strength. They don't do it in more public spaces though, who knows who is watching. However in more private settings they will be inseparable.

3. Them meeting multiple times on opposing sides before the Battle of Manhatten, mostly smaller missions and sometimes by surprise. Neither wanting to hurt eachother but knowing they have to keep up appearances. A new demigod saved from a hoard of monsters deciebed it like a deadly ballet. Both precise in the way they move, but sometimes almost manic in energy and controlled chaos. It was beautiful and unnerving and the new demigod would wonder what would happen if they even fought together on the same side. Of course no one would ever see them dance on the same side but it was just as much a beauty to watch them fight against eachother.

For some context the fic annon was referencing and I wrote is

Love Amongst War

The original version was posted in 2021 but this version is from 2022 and I hope to publish a new version in 2024.

And hey Annon you can send more asks to this account! The ask box should be open. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts.

To close out here is some of the stuff that will be in the new version of the story

- Percy and Ethan often split sweet treats multiple times. Ethan always makes sure they are split exactly in half.

- Ethan opens up about the cabin ideas earlier and many of the ideas he told Percy get implemented even if Ethan never gets to see them, Percy was always listening and what mattered to Ethan mattered to Percy.

[pandor-pandorkful]

The folly of being multifaceted strikes again.

I think maybe I just gotta stop trying to make art streams work for me, at least until I'm an Affiliate and/or can get some better internet...

So if you don't know, twitch has a timed achievement system that tracks your various stats from your streams. The requirements for the Affiliate achievement, which allows you to apply to get paid, are as follows:

Get 50 followers

Stream for 8 hours

Stream on 7 different days

Have an average of 3 viewers

That's it. Sounds so easy right?

Welllll... no....

Gaining followers is a very, very slow process. (I get it, I was incredibly choosy about who I follow on twitch at first, too.) It's maddening, but it's also the one statistic that doesn't "drain" over time, assuming people STAY followed.

8 hours streamed is probably the easiest requirement to hit. But you can lose it if you don't keep streaming, twitch only counts the most recent 30 days of activity.

7 days is the same deal as hours.

3 average viewers is the one that's got me worried about doing art streams, however. My game streams are the only reason I'm coasting by on an average of 3.5... every low turnout art stream I do chips away at that average.

I've had two good art streams so far in the past 30 days: one on a Wednesday afternoon/evening where I was making sticker designs and @shiftythrifting raided me with their audience (💜🧡💜🧡💜), and last Saturday/Day 2 of Frankentober, where I was doing a prompt randomization drawing challenge (of my own weird design) and had basically bribed people to watch with promises of giveaways. ^^;;;

Those streams still had lower passive view counts than my game streams, but they were over 3 at least. The rest of my art streams have been trending worse than that.

Why?

It's harder to vamp when you're actively trying to work on a drawing. That's the main reason speed draws are the norm on youtube-artists dub over the footage after they're done. Drawfee's an outlier, managing to vamp to live drawings by being a multi person team. (So 1 person draws and the other 3 vamp.)

Games are easy because even if you're failing to be entertaining at least the game itself is entertainment.

I'm not completely used to drawing for an audience yet, so generally I tend to come off as overly nervous or low energy. The more art streams I do, the better I get at them... but....

My internet connection is terrible. I can only stream crunchy, 480p video. Which doesn't do my art any favors. (A chatter said on Saturday, upon winning a sticker sheet of my Merfolk: "OH!! You're a GOOD artist!!!" Which made me laugh! ...and despair, a little bit. ^^;;;;;;; I am a trained and practiced artist, but fuck if my crunchy streams aren't doing their damnedest to obscure that.)

So. What to do.

I could switch to making speed draws on youtube, and just game on twitch. But there are several reasons why I really, REALLY wanted art streaming to work out for me:

Having a set work schedule really helps my ADHD, and having an audience helps me focus better

When I manage to get some active chatters it's REALLY fun!!

I was hoping I could use the vods to make shorter vids for youtube... but due to the low settings I'm forced to stream at, it's pointless.

I don't have much disk place on my pc for recording videos, and it's been 7 years or so since I last did any video editing and I'm not looking forward to looking uo tutorials to try reminding myself how to work a video editing suite. >_<

So idk. I wish I felt confident I could afford better internet, cuz that's the big linchpin here.

But random ideas I could try:

Try streaming art at a bunch of different times on a bunch of different days and see if that helps... (tedious, and more likely to hurt my view average even more.)

Give up on 2d art streams for awhile and embrace the mad science angle: stream trying to learn Blender instead.

Also I still haven't tried setting up the webcam to do needle felting yet. If I can find an angle where my boobs stay out of shot, that could be something? (Difficult, there's a reason I want them chopped off. They get in the way for everything. )

Set up a Discord server for my patrons and ko-fi supporters and do work streams of my 2d art there, so that in theory I can still get some of that precious audience-created focus my adhd-addled brain needs so badly

Stop streaming art on twitch and try art-focused streaming site Picarto instead

Ahhhhhh it's all just... maddening. Idk.

[bladeofthenighthunters]

Thursday June 12th, 2025

Another day, another nickel! Today is payday and just like that it's gone, reduced to atoms. I'm only semi joking, it's really jarring how the world goes to shit the second I become a functional adult. Ok maybe not the exact *second* but I mean, I only got....what..2 years of adulthood before everything went to hell? I graduated high school in 2018 and subsequently dropped out of college the year after and after that, covid happened. Working in a sweaty warehouse I guess made me an "essential worker" so there was that, and than a year or two after that, I moved out of my parents house with my, then girlfriend (now fiance), and from there I had like a good year and a half of being a functional adult before the election last year and inflation and war and politics etc. Now I live with perpetual anxiety and take meds for it :D. Aside from that life is alright, I have my gripes here and there, mainly with my diet and health but I can't really complain when there are people far worse off than I am. Also before I get into the next topic, does anyone else get like super random bursts of motivation/creativity and it goes away just like that? Like for example, I'll be at work and start making plans like clean the bathroom, do laundry, work out, tidy up my office space etc. and the second I get home, I just want to go to sleep. My therapist suggested it could be a slight form of depression or ADHD or a combo of both, idk I need to get tested for stuff like that but the wait list for stuff like that is so long >.<.

I hope anyone who reads these are doing well! or at least doing well enough to pass! Back to payday, usually I am good with my money as in, I don't try and spend it all before the next pay cycle, but with the way things are going as of right now, its hard not to treat yourself or someone every once and awhile. So now I have this feeling every time I get paid of "Ooooh what shiny useless things should I waste my money on this time?" Usually it's a game that collects dust in my enormous backlog of games or cards or some fancy new gadget. Last pay period I splurged a bit and got myself an apple watch, now I'm not a maniac, I still am frugal when it comes to buying things. I got an older model (?) I think? I'm not too certain which models are current or older, but its an Apple Watch SE (2nd Gen) and I got it at my local used electronic store for $100 which wasn't too bad! I want to save up and get a better PC so that editing videos doesn't make force my PC to blow up every time I try and edit. Fiance got a spiffy new PC a few months ago and that thing is a beast makes me jealous but also happy to see her enjoying it :3.

Onto current topics I have been keeping up with. ICE raids in LA are ramping up, as are the protests. Military getting sent to LA kinda defeats the purpose of free speech no? I mean I understand the looting and stuff is wrong, but when you have people getting kidnapped in unmarked trucks and masked people it makes sense why people are so upset. If our immigration system wasn't so screwed up maybe there would be more legal pathways to citizenship and so many families wouldn't have to be scared for their loved ones and worrying if they would return home or not. Sabrina Carpenter is set to release a new album in next few months and it's titled "Man's Best Friend". It seems like it's already garnered a bit of online discourse due to the album cover. The cover depicts Sabrina on all fours while a man is holding her hair up as in the tune of a leash. Many people are upset as the way she is portraying herself is very shameful and is setting women back due to the nature of the picture. I can understand the hate, although as a man I really feel like I don't have a say on how women should represent themselves. I usually leave that up to my Fiance lol, if you want to push the narrative that you are a man's "plaything" I suppose you do you. Lastly, though I'm not a super big sports fan, the Pacers beat the thunder to up the score to 2-1. As a native Indiana resident (i know this place sucks lol) I am glad to see my team be in the finals. Whether the Pacers go all the way or not i'm just happy to see them play :).

I think that is all for today's episode of "stupid shit that runs through my mind constantly" idk i'll find a good name for these posts, I just like to post what runs through my brain and I hope you do too! Anyways, I hope the rest of the week treats you well and make sure to get some sun every once and a while, it helps :) (Coming from someone who is in an office 10 hours a day)

Bye!****

[q3sop]

So I had an idea last night for an AU that I'll post here. There's a vision I promise, but I wrote this at like 4am so it might not make sense lol. I'm running off of an hour of sleep rn :3

AU IDEA BELOW

Based off of Monster House-ish I think (I haven't watched the movie in a long time) Basically house/mansion. The boss monsters live there, taking care of it. Place is definitely haunted by something(?). It works slowly, changing things or making you see things from your memories until you're distressed and desperate. Then it offers you things. It will take away your regrets, memories, fears. Whatever gets you to make a deal. All that's left afterwards is a husk. An echo of who they once were. The body still walks around, caring for the house and doing daily tasks. But they don't speak, or sleep, or do much of anything else. Maybe they grow echo flowers or smth idk.

Asgore is the first to fall. Then Alphys, then mettaton, napstablook, toriel, then Undyne. After Asgore, the monster begin doing a sort of funeral thing for them. Mainly just laying them down and giving them flowers, like a way of grieving. Papyrus and Sans last awhile on their own, keeping each other in check basically. But Sans just wakes up one day to find the house has already set Papyrus' funeral up. Maybe it's like a version of falling down? Idk it's like 4am.

Asriel/flowey and Chara are really nonexistent. More of visions used to mess with people's heads. Asriel's focuses more on Toriel and Asgore, taunting them on the kid/life they never had. Chara focuses on Asgore, perhaps to guilt him on the lives he's taken. Flowey probably focuses on Papyrus and Alphys mainly due to lore ties. Perhaps flowey is real, though. The house tries to use them against sans, but maybe it just doesn't work???

Okay, so

Asgore: the house uses his divorce with Toriel/ the guilt of child killing.

Toriel: the child she could never care for, maybe even Asgore's husk to taunt her.

Alphys: the experiments and her declining mental health. It just becomes too much.

Undyne: the people she's meant to protect are dropping like flies, and there's nothing she can do. The guilt and pressure eventually get to her. Oh and Alphys.

Mettaton: hard. Maybe Alphys falling fucks with him hard. Then napstablook. Papyrus is still their fan, but it simply isn't enough. Him and Napstablook either go at the same time or back to back.

Napstablook: similar to Alphys, it isn't really hard to break him. Declining mental health. Being too hard on himself/ being too self-conscious to talk it through with someone. Wait, it this entire thing a suicide allegory? Woahg.

Papyrus: it takes a long time to break his spirit. After it does, it was only a matter of time. He has no one left but his brother, but just like mettaton, it just isn't enough.

The house speaks to Sans. Mainly through creaks and such. He learns if you listen close enough, you can understand it. Maybe it even uses the husks to grab his attention. It tries to break him down several times, and it does work to a degree, but Sans masks it well enough that it doesn't make any further moves. He's on the verge of breaking, but it's become like a game between the two of them.

Only the boss monsters leave behind husks(?). Anybody else lured in afterwards leaves nothing but a soul, to which the house consumes. Now it's an Edgar Allen Poe reference. Checkmate, liberals.

How Sans reacts to visitors is a complete gamble. Sometimes, he just ignores them. He's even helped speed up the process for the house on occasion. Frisk is the first one he's not sure of. There's obviously something different about the kid, and they last much longer in the house once trapped there. I forgot to mention that no one can leave. Oopsies. I think he'll eventually decide to work against the house when it comes to them, much to the house's dismay. Oh shit maybe Chara is the house spirit. Yeah that would make sense.

This could work as it's own horror thing actually. Or danganronpa. Idk man I've been writing this for and hour and a half. I have work in the morning.

Five hour energy for breakfast it is, then.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Im.. not quite nonverbal rn, but it feels like talking just isn't an option? I've felt like this since I woke up and I HAVE spoken to the cat and to my mom, and I drove to the [public transit] station just fine but with the voice thing and feeling a bit floaty and being... not quite small last night, but kind of nearish it at points(?) last night.. idk.

Just feel weird, and I regressed after a bad dream on Sunday and my regression tends to be.. clustered? In a sense? Like I'm more likely to regress if I have recently.

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I was texting my friend, [i can't find a tag for him but I've referred to him as 'penpal friend' before so ig I'll use that and edit/update later if i find that hes labeled as something else on here], when I regressed on Sunday and we set up a code a few months ago to let him know if I was small/smallish because cursing makes me really uncomfortable when I'm small (makes me feel bad-vulnurable, unsafe, just overall yucky), but I literally could not care less about it when I'm big abs regularly curse myself. All that to say that I sent the code (code bc saying it can be hard sometimes and also it doesn't have to be part of the conversation, I just.. need it to shape the conversation a bit, yk?) and he acknowledged the code and we kept chatting.. and then he cursed in one of his messages and I was feeling a bit bigger by then but it still felt a bit 'wrong' and he didn't know I was getting bigger so if nothing else.. the principle of it felt a bit like a betrayal, in a sense?

I brought it up to him the next day when I was firmly adult and brainstormed some ways to hopefully stop it from happening again. And he apologized and hadn't even realized he'd done it (partially bc he was sick at the time) - and I knew he wouldn't have done it on purpose and probably hadn't realized (but that doesn't mean I should let a boundary get crossed without bringing it up once I'm able)... and part of all of this was me realizing that we had a way of communicating when I'm small but nothing to say when I was big again. So now the single emoji I was using to indicate being regressed (🐤) has officially expanded to a spectrum, with any of these 🥚🐣🐥🐤 meaning I'm small or close to it (specific, detailed meanings haven't been assigned to each, but the eggs are basically me going 'hey I'm real teeny rn' and the chicks are a more general little/ish).. and probably most importantly, 🐓 to indicate once I'm confidently big again.

I haven't had cause to use any of them, but I considered it last night when I was feeling pretty close to small - except I realized that we weren't even texting right then, and it's not like the goal is to tell him every time I feel little, the goal is so he knows -when we ARE talking- that he's talking to a kid!

And I think it's important for me to remember that, especially when I am little. It's one thing if I'm little AND decide I want to talk to him, but there's no reason to tell him I'm small just cause. It's important I remember that he's not my caregiver, just a friend who is willing to accommodate me when I'm vulnerable.

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Also, while I'm here, I don't know if I mentioned it, but I finally told my therapist I regress! That happened.. probably 2 months ago or something, now? But it's a big step for me because I've never told a therapist before.. or really anyone who I wasn't really close to.* I've been seeing this therapist for awhile now (over a year), but we only meet every 3-4 weeks, so it doesn't always feel like it. Anyway, he was chill about it, and asked what age.. and I was embarrassed so I told him like, young toddler, I think? 2 or 3, probably, idr exactly. Which, it's not untrue, but I definitely get firmly 'baby' fairly often when I regress. Probably more often than toddler/young kid. Maybe I'll open up about it more at some point (it hasn't come up in a session since), but either way, I'm proud of myself for taking that first step!

*with maybe a few exceptions? Like, I wasn't necessarily super duper close with Roommates R and Red when they were told, but I was close with Roommate D and they were all close at the time and Roommate D knew it'd be safe to tell them bc they both regressed too... idr now what order who found out about who, or if I ever knew, but there was trust there, still.

Also I wouldn't have told Roommates B, C, and D as early as I did, if at all, if Roommate D hadn't asked me directly. I probably would've told Roommate B, at least, eventually though - especially when we decided to keep living together for a second (and later, third) year.

[ready4whatsnext]

So 2 of my 3 vibes have 🪦 lol. Burned out the motor edging. And my last one has to be recharged every 2 hours. So the hours on end is not working as planned lol. If anyone wants to maybe help out so I can get a better vibe for edging that’s gonna last awhile id be super grateful. Don’t have much funds and after years of burning motors out on vibes with the highest setting possible fingers just don’t do anything especially belonging to me. Lol just head to my bio if you might wanna no pressure or anything just figured I’d ask if anyone wanted to donate to help me be able to edge on my 3 day weekends from my adult life where I have to be responsible and in charge and all that blah blah blah lol 😂 anyways update because long it’s Saturday night my wanting to edge it’s 3am and the blue light is still blinking for the rechargeable vibe. Sigh guess I’ll call it a night and go to sleep 😴 or scroll maybe idk lol

Home for a 3 day weekend. Yay. Naked and edging my pussy hehe 😉 let the brain melting begin 🤤

[sillylilfairy]

Bit of art therapy inspired by folklore of brownies transforming into more poltergeist-like boggarts following ill treatment from humans in an attempt to avenge or protect themselves.

Personal post with some sad feels, but an overall message of self love because I owe that to myself. Kinda long, but then I remembered. Who cares? It's my blog and maybe my self reflections will help someone else idk.

I realized that as a queer auDHD person, I love my friends a lot, I'm trusting, loyal, genuine and willing to put in the work to keep things healthy and resolve conflict. I'm very free with giving out affection and support to my friends because I like relationships where we build each other up.

But I also forget that not everyone sees friendship the way I do or is in a place to be able to be a healthy friend to me and sometimes I end up getting hurt. I have a tendency to believe people when they tell me I'm important to them and take them at face value, so mixed messages are very hard for me. I've...been gaslit a lot and trained to doubt myself so much I often apologize for things that aren't my fault and take on problems that aren't my responsibility, even when it's done with the best of intentions. I'm tired of doing that...and it doesn't allow others to make their own mistakes or be accountable for them. Mistakes are how we learn and learning from them is how we grow. I can be supportive, validate and offer resources, but I can't *make* anyone okay and that's okay. Sometimes I beat myself up for not having the right words to say in the moment or a crystal ball and for being imperfect and y'know what? That's okay too. I never want my friends to self flagellate after making a mistake either, even if they do or say something that hurts me. As long as they aren't being dismissive of my needs and feelings or abusive, then I don't burn bridges. But I still have a right to my feelings and shouldn't be expected to bury them and carry on as usual without addressing anything and would never expect my friends to either. Sometimes you're gonna set boundaries or be honest about what you need and it is the last thing the other person might want to hear. But honesty is always the best policy and hurts less in the long run. And I try to be a safe person for people to be able to do that because I've been through a lot. We can only do our best to meet people half way. No more bending over backwards for belonging, approval and affection. No more apologizing for asking questions or feeling guilty for having feelings and needs and expressing those in a healthy way. No more trying to shoulder everything alone or staying quiet and pretending to be okay when I feel hurt or uncomfortable.

If other people take issue with that, it's not my problem. I'm entering my villain era >:3 I deserve stability, security, mutuality, reciprocity, trust and to feel valued in my friendships. And if people want me in their life in any meaningful way, they'll make the room for me to take up space and not expect me to shrink down to fit. Because we make time for what's important to us and I deserve to feel important to my friends too. Cue evil laughter >;3 ... For context, I'm going through a painful, confusing friend breakup I never wanted or saw coming. Among some other things and realizations that just kinda suck, but there's good in there too. And thankfully I have several other friends who've been very loving and supportive to me over the last few years that I can turn to and I'm redirecting my love and energy into those people as well as myself. I realized I needed to take my own advice and stop trying to make everyone happy. Because at the end of the day? You can't. Time and energy are finite resources. You'll just keep giving til there's nothing left for what's important to you and burn yourself out. I'm still sad and will be on and off for awhile, but... I know I'll be okay too