#the last bit i cried so hard
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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)
(but it did inspire me)
on another note
finally!!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#kurogiri#I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static#it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah#I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all#after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters#anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun#it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends#and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume#I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd#and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring#it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201#and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too#since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time#because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them#but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them#and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume#they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18
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bro the feminine wiles aren’t even a joke like. im with that anon who thought hellfire gala charles was a woman when they first saw him bc same, that design is insaaaane (/pos). how could u not think that when u see it lmfao. idk whose choice it was to give him a corset but the hourglass figure + female coded jawline combo do not lie. i saw it on pinterest and i was like ohhh don’t lie to me i know an anime girl when i see one- WAIT PROFESSOR X????
and that’s not even to mention movieverse charles ofc. we’ve all seen james mcavoy and his big sparkly kawaii anime eyes, i shouldn’t have to say it. charles xavier is never beating the allegations, i fear
gonna need this ask hung in the louvre i fear
#fave#snap chats#i think you fully had me at 'big sparkly kawaii anime eyes' like TRUE but vjlKJLKVJAKL#i got this ask while i was out getting sushi with my brother and when i say i was near losing it in our lil booth ajvlkeaklj#female coded jawline is INSANE thats just his face 😭😭😭#the hellfire gala outfit does give off like. Space Girl energy though im not gonna even lie. i think its the halo#and corset /who gave him a corset/ like im the last man to criticize another man wearing a corset i promise#but bold decision to do so right in front of my eyeballs#the princessification of charles xavier needs to be studied im so serious when did this start#i really do think its just the cat suit outfits cause when he's got a suit its different#though.. i was gonna lie but even with the beard he still pretty in FoX#and ill be tbh im still mixed on the beard look like for starters youve reminded me he's blonde and i still think thats illegal#and yet .... his beautiful eyes distract me all the same. like whatever you want bbg you can look like a viking if you want#charles xavier having hair is cursed in general bar the movies and because of that i can only imagine him brunette#but he is my problematic wife so ill love him regardless#it'll be very hard to when he has a terrible brad pitt cut in one universe and wears wigs in the other but thats what loves about#anyway hope everyone had a lovely halloween !! i watched all of S1 of xmen evolution with my bro :)#also if i threw together a quick charles costume then you have no proof of that and esp dont ask our sushi waiter mk thanks#ended the night playing a bit of shadow gen .. if i cried a lil no i didnt thats between me and god ....
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Replayed Modern Warfare 3 2011 on Veteran tonight and goooooooood night. Blood Brothers never gets any easier to watch no matter how many times you've done it and the ending really never misses huh
I apologize for the amount of yapping in the tags I reread it all on mobile and started giggling because it went on for so long but eh. Blessed are those who won't shut the freak up and all that
#call of duty#modern warfare 3 2011#i just. wow. wow wow wow wow wow#i've played these three games so many times over the last several years and i just.#they literally. never get old.#loose ends and blood brothers will never not make me cry and endgame and dust to dust will never not make me smile so hard#ending it with price smoking the cigar like he did in the first mission in the first game wHEN HE FIRST MET SOAP JUST UGHHHHHH.#i know y'all don't care but i don't care that y'all don't care i could literally yap about this until i shrivel up and die#i have never ever ever in my LIFE seen poetic justice played out so beautifully like it is at the very end#JUST. WOW. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. WOW WOW. WOW#they do not frickin make games like that anymore DADGUM#i also forgot how frickin sad down the rabbit hole is?? like jeez louise they didn't have much screen time but gosh#i also have never in my life heard such gut-wrenching anguish from a grown man in my life like price in that one scene#I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT MAN MAKES ME FULL ON S O B IN THAT PART HE HAD NO BUSINESS#anyway i'll keep cutely living in denial and pretending literally any of the main characters besides price and nikolai are fine <3#foley and dunn and their team seemed just fine at the end of modern warfare 2 so i will accept that small mercy#at this point these games have taken everything else i love away from me so#y'all probably think i'm wild for how insane i get over these games but the nostalgia bit is a big part of it as well#like they're honestly in my opinion genuinely the greatest video games of all time#but the fact that i have that connection with my dad makes it so special#crazy cause he said he also cried in blood brothers and my dad is 54 and i have seen him cry one (1) other time in my entire life#heck infinity ward but also bless them i hope the devs live long beautiful wonderful prosperous delightful exciting fulfilling lives#Lord bless them and their entire bloodline for the contributions they have made to humanity not even joking#AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING SOUNDTRACKS DO NOT GO THERE OAUSYDJAKAKDN#MW2 AND MW3 CREDITS. EXTRACTION POINT. COUP DE GRACE. RETREAT AND REVEILLE. CONTINGENCY. PARIS SIEGE. PRAGUE HOSTILITIES. RUSSIAN WARFARE.#UGHHHHHHHGHHHH everything about these games is so unbelievably perfect and immaculate#i have got to get over my art block NOWWWWWWWWWW#makarov is also the best villain i've ever seen idc bro he's frickin awesome#i mean obviously he's horrible and a disgustingly evil human being but as a character he's stupidly well-written
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Part 4: THE JANK
#the game is so good but by god its buggy#somehow one of the day 6 quests followed me into day 7#and one of the day 7 quests is broken#my last hard save was... so long ago.#lays down on the floor and cries for a bit#as always i need to be more diligent about saving. quick and hard saving#pathologic#soliloquy
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#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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Posting this because I've been caught up in the news and it's been a horrible drain on my mental health. It is normal and natural and even encouraged to feel outrage, despair, and grief over what is currently happening. However, letting these emotions take ahold of you and paralyze you is not productive, and is really damaging to your psyche. It's important to take time out of your concern and advocacy to take care of yourself. This is your sign to log off for a few hours and do something to nourish your mind and soul. Please take care of yourselves ❤️
#Do not look away does not mean ignoring your own wellbeing#I am trying so hard to log off for a bit but it's so addictive and toxic in the worst ways#I cried myself to sleep last night over the news and even this morning my heart is so heavy#I'm trying to find a place where I can make space for speaking up and also taking care of myself#and it's very difficult#It is important now more than ever to have hope
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BRO I WANT TO POST THAT FNAF AU SO MUCH
#I literally have t o try really hard to wait until I get back on my main account but GOD CANT I JUST POST IT I REALLY W ANT TO POST IT#IM NT EVEN DONE WITH THE ANIMATIC AND I STILL FEEL LIKE POSTING WHATEVER I'VE GOT BC I LVOE IT SO MUCH I WANT TO SHOW THE SS MUTUALS1!!!!!!#also my art has gotten a bit better since my last art post on that account so. pls @myparents let me go back ........\#I hate this account I only have it to be able to talk to my friends bc they are so cool I love them#BUT I WANT TO BE ABEL TO POST ART AND INTERACT WITH THEM ALL IN ONE PLACE!!!!!!!!!#cries a lot head inhands:(((((
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#so um he's coming over to my place on tuesday after work and i'm really excited but also really nervous#last night he told me that he felt very comfortable around me when we met and he really likes me and he thinks we get along really well#and that's exactly how i feel and it's very exiting but also very scary#i had a little bit of a mental breakdown last night because i'm scared of not being good enough when he gets to know me even more#he's such a wonderful person and i always feel so comfortable when i'm talking to him#and even when we met last week i felt so comfortable#but i can't stop thinking about all the things people have said to me in the past#my inner child is so fucking broken and i don't want him to see that side of me#too many people have made me feel like i will never be good enough for anything or anyone#last night i cried for like 2 hours because i don't wanna lose him just because my brain is fucked up#and i'm trying so hard to just do these things even if i'm scared#and i'm so far out of my comfort zone it's quite scary#but wow my brain doesn't want to stop reminding me of all the reasons why i hate myself#it really feels like I'm on a rollercoaster because i'm so scared but he makes me feels so good#i'm terrified lol
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there's so many popular repetitive video games that seem so boring to play, but then I watch people stream them with a group of friends, and they make it seem so fun just because the people playing are so lively and goofy and funny. I want that. I want to be part of a group of streamers or at least group of friends that make receptive and otherwise boring games fun and hilarious. a group that's not boring, serious, competitive. one that cares more about having fun and laughing than completing the video game objective 😭
#like the currenr one lethal company#it doesnt look fun at all and looks like it would get boring fast. UNLESS you have hilarious friends to laugh with#which i lack. i dont have enough friends and most people i know and would play co op games are too serious and boring#people probably think the same of me. im generally quiet and confused when playing games and bad at them#usually people get mad at me for being bad or goofing around so its never fun. but the fun people never invite me#probably because they thjnk im the boring one. but i absorb energy like a sponge!!!!! be silly and funny and i will too!#i really need a group of people with great silly fun energy who i csn feed off of. i miss laughing. i need to laugh. i never laugh anymore😐#lee rambles#every time i tried playing with people i know I honestly got so bored. I feel bad because they're the only ones nice enough to play with me.#but they're too serious and not funny. so I haven't played with them in like a year at least and am afraid to ask lmao#why do the silly fun people avoid me and only the serious boring people would agree...i need an energy boost#i need a person to be my battery. where do i get a battery#want to play l4d2 again. its been a while. its so hard to fill the lobby and the couple people that used to play with me arent funny 😅#if i could get a group of silly funny weirdos together then id try lethal company. but i wont try with boring groups#there's so many games i bought to play with people and got ditched that could use a goofy group too. sighs.#why am i still rambling. i dont even have the energy to speak to multiple people at once and play a game#but maybe that's why i need a battery#anyway i kinda really miss doing silly goofy rp and regular gaming hasnt been able to replace the laughter that brought me 😭😭#i need a good laugh. cant remember last time i laughed until i cried. laughing makes me feel good for a bit sighs. someone make me laugh pls
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I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors
#ramblings of a lunatic#i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before#(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust)#so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY)#and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends#cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation#i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries:#anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern)#it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane#i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways#but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month#and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too#and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN#so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning#but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it#I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting)#it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying#anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast#LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)
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I think maybe I’m almost better from my wisdom tooth surgery….? It’s been over a week and I’m a lil cranky now cause being tired and sore makes me feel small…. Which makes me wanna suck my fingers but I can’t suck anything…. My stitches should be pretty healed but I don’t wanna mess anything up ugh.
I’m gonna just cuddle my plushies when I have some time alone cause that’ll help me feel comfy and small. Gonna cuddle my bunny and feel so cozy.
#wanting to suck and chew to stim or self soothe…. so so hard when I can’t do either!!!#it’s fine I’m a tiny bit grumpy over it but feeling way better#the other day I tried chewing real food and my mouth hurt so bad and my tummy was sick and I cried so much#BUT I think I’m doing better every day#not like really a vent I think? cause I’m doing kind of okay#i won a bunny plushie in Stardew Valley last night! went to the movies and played the crane game#bc I was thinking of cuddling my bunny plushie with Sebby and of him calling me his lil bunny and I really wanted comfort#tiny babble#kitten talks
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My sister officially moved away with her new husband, my brother went back to his city and my other brother went on a trip to London.
As a youngest child, I cannot cope with this level of loneliness :(((
#been crying all week#been crying all day#my sister’s wedding was a success by the way! happened last Sunday#now that it’s behind me it hit me hard that she’s really leaving#I was trying to enjoy our moments together and not cry in front of her#but I completely lost it at the airport#even my brother who is just going on a trip - i cried when he left because this is my first time being the only child at home#things r changing so much and it’s taking me a bit of time to get used to#but I miss my sister so so so so much#oh no….here I go again with the tears.#anyways I’m still back online yall#I’ll be more active now that I have the time to🤣
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#no need to read or react just needed to rant about my brain a bit#the next two weeks are supposed to be super exciting with BC giving us a new look and song and music video#it's umk week and my favorite for once has historically great odds of winning and a good chance to do well at eurovision as well#I'm going to see umk live with my dear sister and stay at a hotel so it's like a mini-getout and then I'm going to stockholm and oslo gigs#this is supposed to be best times of the year so far but my brain decided we can't have any of that :)#last year at this same time I got hit hard with depression and the anxiety I've always had got even worse#it got to the point that nothing made me happy or feel anything at all and I just cried all day for weeks#everything about UMK night was blurry and sad because I wasn't talking to my bestie who I've watched eurovision with for 10 years#I just started crying during the Dark Side/ Bad Idea opening and the results felt like nothing#I'll always assiociate Bad Idea with my depression because it was playing on the radio in the nurse's office when I got my meds#anyway I can feel that same darkness crawling back to my brain right now and I'm very scared#my brain decides I don't deserve to be happy and screams about how unloveable and ridiculous and embarrassing and ugly I am#it isn't helping that Joel keeps reposting the most model-looking tiktokers because I always feel a hot gush of shame run through me#and everytime I see a pic of any of their blonde skinny young gfs I just wanna kms#now it's gotten to a point that the voice in my head yells at me that I don't deserve Bc or their music and I should cancel my gig trip#because they wouldn't wanna see a disgusting cow myself being so near the stage not to mention ask for a pic or autograph#and I should just hide in my apartment forever#and everyone who has ever been nice to me is either doing that out of pity or making fun of me behind my back#I can't take this anymore#delete later
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they should invent a my brain that isn’t. sure everyone isn’t telling me something important i need to know to function
#had a kinda emotionally wrecking night last night and i cried so hard in my car on the way to work that i couldn’t breathe for a bit#like just thinking i know this cant be how everyone else feels. why do i have to feel so deeply and personally. everyone knows something#except for me. it doesn’t make sense. many things do not make sense to me and they make sense to other people. it’s not fair
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guess who rewatched train to busan after 5-6 years (when i was a child) and then proceeded to sob two times...
#SPOILERS: (for a movie released 8 years ago)#i knew the basic outline of this movie and the ending because it traumatized me the first time#but the dialogue/symbolism didn't really hit me back then#so it HURT.#i cried when sang-hwa (the husband) died because it was just SO SAD. he did everything right: fought & protected all citizens of that train#and he was so brave & courageous :(#AND he loved his wife so much :(#and i very obviously cried when seok-yoo (the dad) died#to see a man who was so careful & logical with his movement do EVERYTHING to protect his daughter when she yelled at the last bit#the only reason he got bit is because he couldn't lose her#soo-an's actress deserved SO many awards for this role#the pure emotion in her voice...#his death scarred me i'm still insane#i cried so hard that my mom literally held me and said that it was a movie and it wasn't real#it took me 3-4 mins to stop crying OH MY GODDD#anyways i would NOT recommend this movie it will scar you forever#train to busan#daanya dabbles with words
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