#the irl guy is really shitty and abuses his workers

[rat-rosemary]

I'm just saying his to make it obvious, but I'm not about to crucify people who continue to explore the dsmp character of Wilbur Soot from now on

[apaulagize]

28.

... You might be wondering why you’re here. You may be wondering why the fuck I’m here, as I star to write this in December 2022.

On my Tumblr, no less.

a life update

I’ve been meaning to write up something as a way to reflect on my year and create/update my resolutions for every birthday, but life has been quite eventful. To get you up to speed (both my Tumblr followers and... my irl colleagues?):

Took a gap year from uni and worked at a preschool as an Admin Assistant

Eventually did finish my degree at the local state uni (while still working)

The pandemic lol

Actually moved out of my parents’ house during the pandemic... good shit.

Started playing on a private server on a certain mushroom game

Met a handful of good people, but mostly met a lot of bad apples :)

Found out that my now ex-best friend is an abuser and manipulator

Got my heart broken, got fed up with people on the mushroom game, and entered my Hoe Phase™ with dating apps

Met with... a lot of guys during this time :^)

10/10 would do it again because I ended up meeting my now partner through Bumble

Jumped the gun and moved to Washington state with him and his dog

Confirmed that I am not a dog person

Got a kitten!!!!! 

Worked as a contract worker for a biotech company in the city

Also worked at home as a transcriptionist

Lost another best friend for... honestly, I don’t know what the fuck.

And 1.5 years strong with my partner :)))

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reflections after turning 28

(holy shit i’m old.)

That being said, I’ve been reflecting a lot since moving out of California, and now that I actually feel like an—gasp!—adult, there’s so much to think about. These past two years, I’ve been developing a set list of resolutions that I’ll continue to hone and refine for (hopefully) the rest of my life; however, first, I wanted to reflect on certain topics that’s you’d commonly see in New Year’s resolutions.

Family

I wholeheartedly agree with the statement that distance makes the heart grow fonder because I think I have a better relationship with my parents, now that I’m two states away from them.

I believe that my relationship with my mom, in particular, is less strained than before. I realize that there’s really nothing I can really do to help her and her issues aside from recommending her to go therapy (which she’ll probably not go to, but one can dream).

I still talk to my cousins (on my mom’s side) pretty regularly, which is nice to have since I’m so far from them.

Friends

Oh, this one’s a doozy.

I have practically zero friends in Washington, but I’m not complaining lmao.

Ever since Chai-gate and me leaving Virus, the amount of friends I’ve made on ML have dwindled LOL. While I miss the camraderie that I had with Virus folks, I think it’s better that I’m not with them any more. I do have a handful of people (from ML in general) who I talk to occasionally. :)

Sometimes I do think of CY, but then I’m reminded that he’s a fucking sociopath, and then I don’t miss my memories with him as much.

I don’t miss KZ as much because I genuinely can’t wrap my head around what happened. I’ll live with the good memories I have of her and move on.

I sorely miss hanging out and talking with AL all the time. I feel like we’re growing apart, and I really don’t want to happen. The past two times I’ve been back to California, we’ve hung out briefly. I wanna plan like a monthly hang out session on Discord where we just watch Netflix or play games together.

Health

So, so much better than previous years, for sure.

Ever since I got diagnosed with nonalcoholic shitty fatty liver disease, I’ve been exercising so much more than ever before. More running than swimming, but I can’t complain because I never wake up early enough to go swimming. :)

I also got over my fear of using the machines and weights, and even use an app to create a workout plan. I now look forward to the weekends where I use the machines/weights after five weekdays of intense HIIT running.

Food is about the same, although I will say I don’t drink as often as I used to (probably because I don’t associate with ML people any more). I try to incorporate more veggies now, whether it be eating a salad or pickled veggies.

Speaking of veggies, we try to do Meatless Monday, or at the very least, be pescetarian for a day. (It’s easier for me because I don’t like eating cooked fish :P)

I also have been limiting only one sweet drink per week, including boba, Dutch Bros, Starbucks, etc.

Alcohol is only once per week as well, but honestly, I haven’t drank any for a couple of months now lol.

Career

Working at the biotech company was really nice! I got to commute to and from the city every weekday and tried the public transportation. I got to meet a bunch of people who were friendly with me, despite me being under contract.

After my contract was over, I ended up working a freelance job as a transcriptionist. I’d like to think of it of me getting paid to listen to interviews and typing what they say. Most of it was really interesting content.

In February 2023, I finally started working full-time and in-person at a speech therapy clinic in a local town within the county. The distance is far, and I kind of feel like I’ve walked into a dumpster fire, I’m excited to work there since my major is closely related to it.

Money

As seen in the previous section, the income was better in the beginning of the year.

Working as a transcriptionist was more like like a lil pocket money, to be honest. Maybe if I did them faster, I’d get more monies. B)

The most important thing for me was trying to not spend and save money as best as possible. Buying the necessities like groceries was of course important, but treating myself was also important to keep in mind.

As mentioned in the health section, my sweet drink spending reduced by a lot since I only allow myself to get it once a week. I also only buy something from my wishlist if I get at least 75% completion on my weekly habit tracker (which, (un)fortunately for me, wasn’t a lot of times).

Independence

It’s been getting so much better, and I’m really proud of myself.

Again, working as a transcriptionist gave me some money so I don’t have to completely depend on my savings or my partner.

I try to do Saturday Errands by myself to get easy stuff out of the way, especially things that I can achieve locally. On the other hand, I don’t enjoy going out to the city without my partner because it can be a little sketchy sometimes.

However, I actually did meet a friend I met from ML in the city! By myself (and, well, my partner’s dog as emotional support)! And driving! Past me would be so proud.

I honestly don’t foresee myself ever having to go to the city without my partner because we like to go out on dates in the city if we are there to run errands, but who knows.

Education

I’m sad to say that I haven’t really read much, both for leisure and for educational purposes. I don’t know how I’m going to fit it in my schedule, but I really want it to happen.

Whether it be having study dates at a cafe with my partner as he brushes up on stuff for his job, or carving out some time to learn at home, I still want to keep learning.

Hobbies

I unfortunately haven’t really done anything fun for myself either.

While I have been consolidating my playlists on Spotify, I’m still not caught up with my K-pop favorites, and I’m... six years behind :^)

For film photography, I still don’t have a working camera. Getting one has always been on my mind, but after meeting up with my film photography professor from uni when I visited Santa Cruz, that sort of ignited a desire to get a new camera ASAP. I also have a bunch of unopened film that I need to start using before they go bad.

It’s crazy to think that I thoroughly enjoy going to the gym now. I don’t know if it’s because my younger cousins are gym fanatics, if it’s because I’m dating someone who also likes going to the gym and encourages me to improve, but I really do enjoy working out, much more than I have in the past, even when I was at my beloved VillaSport back at home. :’)

I’ve also got a Switch in 2022 (or 2021, I don’t really remember)! I mainly play AC:NH, and sometimes I’ll play Pokémon Violet if I have some more time.

Cooking’s something that I’m having more fun with now. I don’t think I did a lot of cooking when I was living in Milpitas, but now that I live with and date someone who really likes to cook, I started cooking a lot more too! Now that we have a stand mixer, I can attempt baking >:)

Finally, I’m starting to get around writing “reviews” for series and movies that I watch. I feel like it’s hard to really enjoy watching things any more just from the sheer amount of D-list films that my dad put up on TV and I’m jaded because of that, but I’m hoping to see some gems.

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I suppose that’s all from me that I can share. I wanna start doing these every year to reflect and to look back. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I hope to grow better during this new year. :)

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “