#the idea of Lexa trying to talk about her future with Clarke and how Clarke always sours

[lexa-griffins]

I'm surprised that noble alphas have to remain pure and virgins until they're married. I love this dynamic change! How do Ontari and Costia court Lexa? Is Clarke always present during these dates?

Thank you, im trying to play with the dynamics and functions of this society. I am not going for a religious reason, it is more so to guarantee no bastard children as an omega and their children deserve the undivided attention of their mate - emotionally and financially, omegas dont work because carrying children and raising them, one, two or ten, is seen as the most important job so alphas must provide for everything else (in noble households).

Courting tends to be a lot of showing their dedication to Lexa, so while Lexa can be courted by different alphas at once so she may choose the best one, Costia and Ontari can only court Lexa, which will "weed out" any noble alphas that are clearly not desired by unmated omegas overtime... peer review am i right?!? Shsjdj. But the courting is a lot of showing the family possessions and their fields of work, trying to show their grace and knowledge of dancing, literature, etc.

Clarke is present on most of these dates although she slowly starts to dislike them. At first its fun to see these two alphas try so hard to impress Lexa who is hard to impress by nature. Lexa asks her about them and Clarke likes to make fun of them in private and laugh about their attempts of seducing the omega Clarke knows loves her. But as some of the dates are clearly showing Lexa's favorite (Costia, although her parents favor Ontari. Physically Ontari would give Lexa strong pups, Clarke has confirmed she's bigger than Costia and her work is much more valuable to Lexa family although Lexa much prefers to talk with Costia as she is sweeter and more charming and genuinely looks to like Lexa), Clarke will sometimes be asked to leave because she is clearly showing in her scent how hostile she is towards Costia and Lexa cannot have that. Its tricky becaude its clear Clarke wants to be there due to her protectiveness over Lexa but at the same time she despises having to spend time with the woman that will take Lexa away from her. She only takes solace in the fact that by the time Lexa is mated and has her first child with Costia she'll be long dead.... which :c Lexa hates when Clarke reminds her of that.

[butmakeitgayblog]

When did midwestern au Clarke realise she’s in love with Lexa?

When she had the flu 🥺

It'd been coming on for awhile - the realization, not the virus.

For months it'd been like 'Ah man. Ah jeez... I think I might be actually really legit falling for this sexy little weirdo. What the hell is in the water in this town?'

Because, ya know, she'd really been getting to see Lexa as person beyond just the woman who liked to flirt and take her out for the evening. She got to see the way Lexa reached out and had a hand in how her community thrived. She saw that Lexa did things like check in on elderly neighbors who had no one else to look after them, and how she helped do little fundraiser events that went to the little town school for things like new books and free lunches. She saw that when first big snowfall happened, Lexa was right out there with her shovel, directing all the boys with their pickup plows to clear the streets while she wrangled up a few others to hell her clear out the sidewalks and driveways. (Seeing those rosy red cheeks and that stupid beanie hat. Feeling the chill of Lexa's frosty-tipped nose when she kissed her after she was done digging Clarke's car out. All of thag certainly didn't help her cause for keeping this whole thing relatively casual either.)

She was just Lexa. And after awhile Clarke realized that being Lexa meant being so many different things to so many people. She was peacekeeper among rivals and heavy-fisted diplomat among hot heads, teacher and advisor to the younger ones looking toward a future outside of the town limits. She was friend and confidant to the lonely, and caregiver to the all but forgotten. She was all that on top of being a goofy ass drunk who liked to get handsy while dancing to the sappiest gd country songs Clarke's ever heard in her life. And somehow none of that really seemed at odds with the fact that she liked to stay up late in the quiet after sex just to talk and listen and share ideas with Clarke about books and art and philosophy.

Falling in love with Lexa wasn't a revelation or any one singular aha moment. It was a million moments that stacked together. It was a process of falling for all the different pieces of her.

So to be honest Clarke was already pretty damn far gone on this girl by the time she got walloped with one of the worst flus she'd had in her entire adult life. But then Lexa showed up on her doorstep a little past noon, face tight with worry and hands filled with supplies.

And for as much as Clarke hates to be coddled- doubly so when she's sick - it's an entirely losing battle trying to assure Lexa's that she's fine when she's pale enough to give Casper a run for his money and so congested that just the trip from the couch to the door has left her winded. Besides, she's got a Tupperware container of homemade soup in one hand, and a full case of pedialyte that Clarke knows she must've driven at least 35 minutes just to get in the other.

So she lets her girlfriend do all her girlfriend-things without much of an argument. But it... it really does change everything, without actually changing anything. There's nothing earth shattering about Lexa bringing over the sweater Clarke always likes to steal from her whenever she spends the night. There's nothing particularly exceptional about her girlfriend adjusting the thermostat to the perfect temp and gathering up every blanket and pillow she owns and creating a nest next her little fan so Clarke can adjust at any moment if she feels too hot or too cold.

But there is something about the little pinch between Lexa's brows while she stubbornly checks Clarke's temperature every now and then. And there's the something about how, despite Clarke's dry and chapped lips and the probable dried snot under nose, Lexa still giving her little kisses. There is definitely something about remembering on day three that Lexa was supposed to have been out of town that entire weekend. Finding out that she had left work a day early with a note for no one to bother her, and then canceled her plans to go ice fishing with her friends just to stay laid up with Clarke instead.

"They'll be fine without me," was all she said when Clarke emerged from her disease ridden haze long enough to ask what happened to her trip. "I wanted to be here if you needed me... I like taking care of you, Clarke."

She'd said it so casually. Like it really was just that simple. As though it was no big deal that she'd blown off people she'd known her entire life just to be a certified Kleenex wrangler and back rubbing aficionado whenever Clarke got wracked with a particularly nasty cough.

That was kind of it. After that Clarke stopped thinking about them in terms of 'for now's and maybes and what-ifs down the line, and actually started thinking about what kind of life they were going to build together. Cuz if that girl could kiss her and still look at her like she was the sun, moon, and stars all while having dried up snot on her nose? It was lost cause. Clarke was done for. She was keepin her.

[saunteringvaguelydownwards]

what are the fics you’d consider required reading (as you said in the tags of another post) ? any fandom i’d say for required reading or if there’s too much, for warrior nun ?

*heavy sigh* I had this post 90% complete when the power went out at my house and I had to rewrite the whole thing.

I'm gonna give you a scattershot approach, one fic for a few different fandoms, different types of fic, and hopefully something resonates.

🦗 (Recommend any fic, wild card!)

Avengers/MCU - The Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail series by owlet (tumblr?)

Set immediately at the end of CA:TWS, Bucky's scrambled brain does a hard reset and decides his new mission is to protect Steve, covertly. Meanwhile, he kinda gets adopted by the senior citizens that live in the shitty apartment building he's crashing in while he learns how to be person again. It's snarky AF, touching, funny, great action, fluffy domestic Avengers Tower stuff. There's some Stucky eventually, but it's not the primary focus and doesn't really show up until like the 5th story in the series. There are 7 stories, and a Q&A with the author.

OUaT - The Secret's in the Telling by @the-pyrophoric-one

Emma is being pranked by a thief while living in the mansion with Regina and Henry, and there's also magic fuckery afoot. This story is just neat. It's tightly-plotted and funny. I can't actually say too much because the whole point is that there's a mystery to solve and I'd hate to spoil it. Even when I had kinda figured out what was going on, I still had no idea how it would end. It's told from two different POVs, so it's fun to reread the first part once you know the ending. Apparently there's also a sequel, but I don't believe I've read it yet.

R&I - Calamity Jane Meets Dr. Isles, Medicine Woman by @jobethdalloway

Rizzles 1800s western AU. Maura is a fancy lady from Boston who moves west to live with her fiancé Garrett Fairfield, Jane wears pants, drinks whiskey, and roams the countryside as Jake Wyatt, an outlaw who's hunting for Charles Hoyt, the man who killed her parents. The immersion in this AU is stunning, the characters feel true to the originals while allowing for how things would change given the time and circumstances, and the buildup from their unconventional meeting to friends to more is a lovely and authentic slow burn. There's also a completed sequel, but it's still on my to-read list.

The 100 - Lightning Only Strikes Once by fiona_249 (tumblr?)

Lexa gets shot and dies, Clarke climbs to the roof of the building, gets hit by weird lightning, then suddenly she's back on The Ark, about to be sent down to Earth with 99 other teen prisoners, and no one remembers the events of the past year besides her. The ultimate fix-it fic. How do you fix your mistakes while still trying to keep the good things that happened? Balancing future knowledge with ripple effects, how much can you change before you don't know what's going to happen anymore? What do you do with a second chance? I think I've read this fic at least half a dozen times.

Warrior Nun - What If I Told You I'm a Mastermind? by @sapphicstacks

Avatrice actress AU. Ava is an unknown actress working as a bartender, Bea is a famous but reclusive actress making a comeback after several years away from the spotlight, and they get cast together in a sapphic love story. You ever read a story and go "JFC, will you two just talk to each other?" Yeah, the reason is because all of the healthy communication got requisitioned for this fic. It's incredibly wholesome and overwhelmingly romantic and also ridiculously hot. Like, prep a cold shower or make sure you're somewhere private when you read it. There's a regularly-updated WiP sequel.

[bigg1999]

Hi there :-) What's your favourite of your own fics? What would you recommend to a reader and why?

Hello dear Anon! Sorry for the delay in answering.

To pick a favorite would be impossible, I love so many of my stories so much, which is why I've been writing the majority of them so many years. So I'm going to gush about my favorites, and why you should check them all out, haha.

To recommend to a reader, it would depend on what you enjoy.

I'm always pushing people to read Stardust. It's got so many good issues tied up in it, I feel like it could benefit people to read such a storyline, but, I know some people are not into the idea of transgender storylines, which, Stardust features pretty heavily. (In the same vein, there's also Screw Stardust, which is the same base storyline, only I've flipped who is trans, which is a WIP, but, I also love it so much)

If you want more canonverse Clexa, I just finished Depths of Love (which I assume is how you've found me, haha). It's unlike any of my other AUs, and has such an amazing idea. Like, I can not get over the storyline, and honestly, would love to see how one of the other talented writers in the fandom would write the same idea. I can not get over the fact it hasn't been done before, and a very special thanks to @sassymajesty for giving me the inspiration to finish it (three years later, but, oh well).

Then I'd say if you want soft and a lot of fluff, check out Softball. It's nowhere close to done, and I don't know if it will ever be, but it's such a soft idea of high school kids growing up and dealing with challenges and Clexa realizing their feelings for each other. It's honestly my most detailed fic, I have like, five pages worth of outlining for it, and a chapter by chapter guide set up, but it's just finding the time and the motivation to write it.

Then, if you're in the mood for some smut, I'd recommend Create Stardust. It's not really a fic, just a future of Screw Stardust (An AU of Stardust, haha) and it does feature Transgender Clarke, which, again, isn't for everybody, but, I think it's just so soft and one of my most beautifully written pieces. And, it's pretty hot, if I do say so myself, haha.

And then, (last rec, I swear) I would say Not the End if you want some angst. Lots of angst, and lots to come. It's a WIP, and nowhere close to done. Starts off full of confusion and hardships, and then realizes the truth, and trying to make sense and understand it from both sides. I don't think enough people start it with an open mind, and are too quick to hate Clarke, but, yeah. It's so fun writing this storyline and seeing how these complex characters deal with their impossible situations. It's not my best writing, but I'm enjoying it.

Then, last but not least, ones that are my favorites, but I wouldn't recommend as a reader (but I'm more than willing to gush about). Keep Holdin' On - This is angst city. It's so sad and I wrote it about 20 different times whenever I just needed a good cry. Not a deep story, but damn, it tugs at the heartstrings, well, mine at least. Not a lady - Game of Thrones AU. It's very different and very fun to write, but I have no idea how to tie my idea's together. I want Clarke to be so much more than a whore, but I have no idea how to make that fit into the GOT universe without changing everything about it. I've got a few ideas, but, I wouldn't recommend waiting around for me to figure it out, haha. Traitors - Harry Potter AU. I LOVE this idea. Griffins vs Woods. Griffins known for, well, Griffindor, and Woods are known for Slytherin, and Clexa coming in and BOTH of them 'ruining' their family's reputation? Clarke, who's always thought of herself as better than, always seen Slytherin as evil, slowly coming to realize, when she's placed into Slytherin, that maybe, things aren't always black and white? Poor baby Lexa, who was already the outcast in her family, giving them even more reason, now a Griffindor. GAH, just talking about it makes me wanna write it, honestly. I need to sit down and make a plan for a story, more than just them being little gay beans (or do I? Honestly, do I?)

Thank you so much for the question! I apologize for the wall of text. I'm an over-explainer. Hope that kinda answers your question? Or if you have any questions about a certain fic of mine, please reach out! More than happy to gush about any/all versions of my Clexa's. From stupid one-shots like Comet Girl, to my babies in Softball!

[writing-in-lesbian]

A Heiress in Love Pt.3

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff / Female Reader Tags: angst, fluff, Translations: skyprisa = Sky Princess // Hainofi = princess // Strik sis [Strisis] = little sister //Sestra = sister // Printsessa = princess Synopsis: You’re Y/N Woods-Griffin, daughter of Lexa Woods and Clarke Griffin, queens and rulers of the Triku Lands, a powerful and well know kingdom. Enter a mad king trying to “restore” the old world. In order to stop him from gaining control, your mothers decide to seek the union of their kingdom with the next powerful one, the Avengers Kingdom. Only problem? Their Heiress hates your guts. Chapter synopsis: after you break protocol, Wanda sees you in a different light. Does this mean you have now a chance to fix the hatreds she feels towards you? A/N: So I'm kinda parting away from The 100 canon and making some new rules of my own that I hope it make sense. Anyway, this is a longer chapter (gotta take advantage of my vacation time!) hope you guys enjoy it. And again this is not beta'd.

The royal introduction was a disaster thanks to your slip. Your mother wasn’t content at all with you and you couldn’t blame her. This was a big chance for your people and you make a stupid mistake like you didn’t know better.

King Anthony, bless him (you always have admired his sense of humor and the fact that he can make the best out of any situation) defused the tension and brought back the control and protocol. Before lunch, your mother gave you one of her looks, one that told you this would be dealt with later. Madi only smiled at you, not a word spoken on your way to the table.

You only hoped lunch was better.

It wasn’t.

Or that’s how you felt it.

Titus made a big fest, roasting a lamb, making all kinds of salads, and dishes. You didn’t have an idea of how many different things that man could do with potatoes until today. You are seated sandwiched between Natasha and Pietro. Wanda sat across from you between Madi and Octavia. This change in seating occurred minutes before food was brought. You wanted to ask but a look from your mom was all it took to remain silent… it’s a feeling that is not sitting well with you.

“So, future sister-in-law, what land would I rule once you marry mi sestra” Pietro asks you between bites of food. He’s taking full advantage of the apparently unlimited food.

“The land of the jokesters and foolish men” you hear Natasha scoff next to you. Honestly, you are a little bit (okay a lot) intimidated by her so hearing her liking your joke (you’re taking her scoff as something good) makes you feel elated.

“Rude. Come on future ruler, you can give me something better”

“I don’t know Piet, what about a small island in the middle of nowhere?”

“I’ll take it”

Talking with Pietro has always been easy, his goofiness making it perfect to freely talk, even if it’s just mundane things. Why can’t you talk to his sister as easy as this? You glance towards her and see that she’s not engaging in any particular conversation, Madi is busy talking with Laura, and Octavia is just observing her surroundings, clearly uninterested in mundane talk. You know she’s assessing Natasha from afar.

Your mothers are playing the host role to perfection talking animatedly with the Stark’s and Barton’s, the four of them clearly enjoying this new agreement and talking about the future, to them it looks promising. You just hope it can live up to their expectations. 

You take a little more time to observe Wanda, she doesn’t have a lot on her plate, playing with the smashed potatoes. Her eyes are looking down and, her free hand plays absentmindedly with her rings. You think she does it when she’s nervous or bored, probably both. Your watching is so intense she lifts her eyes and now she’s looking at you, her neutral face frowning once she catches your eyes. You avert it quickly so you don’t notice the small blush appearing on her cheeks.

“You know is rude to stare” you hear a husky voice next to you and for your own sake, you pretend it doesn’t affect you. You turn to see Natasha smirking, and if your mother hears you calling her by the first name even if it’s in your own mind she would be mad at you for your lack of respect.

“Sorry” you mumble and continue eating. Now you have a little frown on you and if you weren’t that busy and lost in your thoughts, you would have seen Wanda looking at you with a curious expression on her face. 

You’re about to make a comment when you see Indra enter the room and whisper something to your mother. Lexa nods and sends her away. She says something to Clarke and stands up.

“I must apologize, it seems there’s a matter at hand that requires my immediate attention, Madie, Octavia, Y/N if you please come with me” Her tone leaves no room for debate and as much as you want to stay and try to make any kind of conversation you know it should be something important if your mother is requiring Octavia’s and your presence.

“Oh, I hope is nothing grave. Should I be worried?” King Anthony (Tony as he insisted to be called) asks in a serious tone. The whole table feels silent.

“Nothing to be worried about, please feel free to finish lunch. Clarke will accompany you on your afternoon activities” Lexa says and proceeds to leave the room, two of her royal guards following her. 

Madi and Octavia are soon to follow but you take a little more time. Before standing up you feel a stare and look up to see Wanda is looking at you with an unreadable expression. You look at her, suddenly you mumble an “I’m sorry” and leave the table. You feel her gaze on you as you walk away. 

— // — // — //

When you enter your mother’s headquarters (it hasn’t been a war room for at least fifteen years) you see Lincoln and Indra explaining something to Lexa, they don’t even blink when you enter but Madi makes a sign for you to sit next to her.

“Last word was that Wallace refused Ultron’s offer but he’s adamant on gaining back some of his old territories. He launched an attack on the ice nation” Lincoln informs showing it on the hologram projected on the table.

“It wasn’t a big attack but enough to get Roan on edge and send a message to the rest of our clans”

“I see” your mother observes the map. “Indra, sent a message back telling Roan we are at the ready if he needs it. Octavia, prepare the warriors and keep them at by if necessary. Hopefully, Wallace stands back if he sees we’re presenting a united fort”

“Has Queen Regina said anything?” Octavia asks, preparing already things to take down to the warrior's quarters. 

“Yes, she also sent her support. Her armies are ready as well, hoping we don’t have to go to war”

“Let’s hope so. In the meantime, we have other things to plan. Madi can you go with Octavia? I need to speak with your sister alone”

There’s no room for any objection and you know you’re in some kind of trouble. Madi pats your shoulder before leaving. Once everybody leaves, you sit there not looking at your mother, she comes closer to you.

“Y/N I know you’re not a fool, you know what’s the situation and the stakes at hand and I need to know” she places her hand on your hand.

“Yes, mother?”

“As the next Heda in line… are you ready to lead your people and be at the front of the war?”

You know all your life if you ever ascend it to the throne that you’ll be leading all the 15 clans plus your allies. Your mother fought tooth and nail to establish a strong coalition and she’s not the leader of many lands for nothing. You never thought that if you ever lead, there would be a chance of war. Your stomach drops, a feeling of emptiness.

She’s looking at you with that unreadable look and you can’t help but remember all the times you have tried to live up to her expectations. You gulp and with the most assertive and confident voice you have, you answer her.

“I’m ready to lead my people to win, ready to protect and serve my people. Blood must not have blood unless it puts my people at risk. Attack them and you attack me.”

“Even with your own life?”

“Especially with my own life”

“Vow it”

You look at her, your mouth agape. A vow you never thought you’ll have to ever recite. 

Of course you knew it, you have studied them many times, but the words leaving your mouth suddenly gives you a feeling of doom. You hope with all your might, that if the time comes (and you hope it doesn’t) your new alliance with Stark helps you win this.

You kneel in front of her, head down and right hand on your chest.

“I vow to protect my people with my own life in order to ensure their safety and the safety of the coalition”

After you finish, you take the small blade placed in front of you. Inhaling deeply you make a slash on your hand, not deep but enough for the black blood to flow, you feel your mother’s hand on yours, her thumb tracing the cut and taking enough blood, she marks your headpiece, and then her headpiece. She then takes a piece of her sash and cuts a part of the fabric at the bottom, she places it on your hand, bandaging it carefully. 

You know it’s also a sign to indicate the vow and the new role you just took: Heda’s Second in line.

“I, Heda kom Triku accept and honor your vow”

Your mother nods and places her hands on your head asks you to stand. She looks at you tenderly before grabbing you by your shoulders and looking you straight dead in your eyes.

“Good. Now come, you have a schedule to follow and guests to entertain”

She starts heading towards the door but before leaving she stops and turns to look at you.


“I hope that whatever was what had you distracted today doesn’t repeat. Don’t disappoint me again”

She turns out and leaves without waiting for you. You stand there for a few seconds, the horrid sensation on your stomach. 

Disappoint me… again. 

Those three words feel like a punch to your stomach, the sensation of having a hole in the base of it. You feel the sting of tears in your eyes, you clench your jaw and breath before leaving the room, crying won’t do you any good.

When you finally leave, your mother is nowhere to be seen, you think she probably went with Indra or Octavia to check on the plans or something. You start walking back to the dining room but you know the meeting took longer than you thought. You ask a guard you encounter where your mom and Wanda’s courtship are at the moment. He informs you they’re walking outside in the gardens, thanking him you redirect your way.

But the words your mother spoke don’t leave your mind. You know she has really high standards you need to meet, and, in some ways, you feel that she’s always comparing you to Madi, and you can’t help but feel sad. You love your mother and you have no doubts she loves you as well, but sometimes, her words cut deeper. 

You feel a tear escape your eye, your hand angrily drying it. If your mom and guests are in the gardens, it would be nearly impossible to know exactly which part of it, so you stop. Feeling lost in your own castle you decide to just go and wait for them at the entrance. 

But your mind is still running a mile per minute, you can’t help but keep replaying those words and at the same time thinking about how you can get Wanda alone so you can at least talk to her. Protocols and manners be damned. 

You figured that maybe if you ask her to meet you for a beverage before dinner you could talk a little bit. With the new idea, you head to your chambers and look for Echo, asking her to help you with your little plan, making her promise not to say a word to your mothers. She eyes your hand and sees Lexa’s red sash around it and you can’t help but hide it behind your back. Echo doesn’t say anything but promises to help you out. You know there’s a high risk they know about your plan but you can only hope they let it pass, seeing as it would be out of hours, you know their schedule so you are for a fact sure it would be on their free time.

Once that is settled you start walking again towards the entrance only to crash against Octavia, her arms helping you to keep your balance.

“Little Heda, I was looking out for you”

“Why?”

“Training time”

Right, you have forgotten about it. She takes you by the shoulders leading you to your room to change or at least take the coat and sash out. She helps you with it and you leave. If she notices your crystallized eyes, the blood on your headpiece, and Lexa’s sash around your hand she doesn’t comment on it. 

You tell her that you hoped to get a free pass since your guests were here too which she only replied that there was a threat to war plus Duchess Romanoff wants to watch the training.

Why the fuck not? If you were dreading the training before, now you’re less than excited to go. You just hope Wanda might be there and maybe try to impress it with your abilities.

She’s not there. 

You ask casually or as casually as you can (which is nothing at all) where she might be. Natasha smirks and smiles like a Cheshire Cat, telling you she was feeling tired after the day's travels and went to take a nap. The rest of her party is off who knows where with your mothers playing good hosts. King Anthony probably tiring your mother’s ear out about the new technologies, Raven probably would have loved him.

Octavia sets some new courses for you to train, getting some warriors as well into the simulation so you can have some real hand-to-hand combat. You have the suspicion Tavia wants to impress Natasha as well, since it’s a known fact that the Duchess is highly skilled in combat, refusing to conform to social standards.

Whatsoever you’re a little bit distracted and the injury in your hand is stinging which makes you miss a few easy targets, plus you have been going at hand to hand combats for an hour already, so you’re starting to feel tired and emotionally drained. This result has Octavia pushing you harder than normal, especially after she knocked you down three times in a row. Just as you’re getting up Madi enters the training room and takes Octavia’s place.

She eyes your hand but it doesn’t comment on it. In fact, she pushes the training swords harder on your chest. You’re honestly fed up with everybody around you. She asks Octavia to stop the simulation. Octavia wants to protest but Madie just looks at her. Finally, she lets Madi into the arena.

“Defeat me” she spats the words at you.

And honestly, that’s such a stupid thing to say, in all your years you have never defeated Madi with a sword. Hand-to-hand combat yes, but with a sword never. You eye her trying to get a feeling out of it, maybe she’s joking but she gives you nothing.

Natasha has come closer to look, standing now next to Octavia, you barely hear her whisper about what’s about to happen. The atmosphere around you gets tense.

“Defeat me,” she says again.

Now, all the soldiers are forming a circle around you. It has been a while since they have seen you both train, but this is different, Madi’s energy is charged and you try to read her. You take the sword and stand in position.

As soon as you do that she charges straight towards you, barely giving you the time to block her hit. You eye her but she’s already charging back. You don’t register what’s happening around but you hear the exciting voices of the soldiers, trying to cheer both of you. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you kinda see Pietro next to Natasha, cheering you on and waving his hands like a cheerleader, enough for you to get distracted and get disarmed knocked down by the hit and kicks Madi gives you. You can tell by the pain in your chest, that she’s not taking any consideration, she’s going tougher on you. 

“Get. Up” she says circling you.

You do. You dust yourself and grab the sword again but your hand is aching, you switch hands, hoping to perform better with the left one. While you’re taking your fighting stance again you see Wanda next to Pietro, a piece of paper in her hand. THE piece of paper you gave Echo and you know at least she got the invitation.

Okey. 

One thing at lead is going according to plan. Time to show your future wife what you’re made of. You think maybe that’s why she’s going rough on you, to help you impress her, but her next movements aim literally to “kill you” (if it wasn’t for the fact that you know these swords aren’t sharp enough to injure) makes you rethink everything.

“Defeat. Me. HEDA” she says with clenched teeth.

And with that word everything makes sense. 

You know she knows you took the vow, you know she’s angry for that. In fact, this makes you angrier, she refused the throne, so she has no right to be mad about it. You charge at her with all your strength, blocking her hits as well. You have trained many years at her side before she left, you study her movements trying to anticipate them, and now you’re matching her up, head to head. Maybe is all the adrenaline of the day finally catching up with you.

If she connects one hit, you connect one, she blocks, you block, she kicks and you jump, you have never been able to match her like this, but then again, you have never been this angry at her and had never had Wanda around to show yourself. The arena is silent now, everybody caught up that this was not just a training match, this was a challenge issued by Octavia’s former second in command. The heiress that quit her place to be the next Heda.

The importance of this fight is not lost on them. You barely hear Octavia’s explanation to your guests. But at this time, it doesn’t matter about impressing Wanda anymore. This is about you earning your place, showing the soldiers you can lead them… and for Madie to do this? You want nothing more but to yell at her.

See? There’s a funny thing when everybody around you pushes you to the limits, you’re one comment away from exploding. 

Disappoint me…again

The voice of your mother resounds loud and clear in your head, pushing you to the limit. You have earned your place and you’ll be damn if they try to steal it from you. So you take the sword with your right hand, the pain increasing ten times, you know you’re bleeding again, as you feel the damp sash against your palm. You couldn’t care less.

As soon as you stand in position you charge against her, this time trying a different combination of movements, some of them you haven’t used against a real person, only on the training dummies. This throws Madi out and you use this advantage to connect a few kicks and punches as well, she easily blocks them.

Finally, you do a combination of going left and changing directions once you see her trying to block that hit, aiming now at the hand grading the sword and connecting, making her drop it, moving fast you bring her to her knees, you can see the fury behind her eyes. You place the tip of the sword against her neck. 

You hear someone gasp.

“Surrender,” you say in a whisper, sweat dripping from your forehead, you know your face must be a mess. The sweat probably ruined the eye makeup and might have washed the blood from your headpiece.

“I concede. Congratulations… Heda” Madi says and her voice carries no emotion, her eyes not showing pride or happiness, in fact, her eyes are so guarded you don’t know how to feel about it.

“What the hell is all of this commotion?” You hear your mother’s voice through the arena. You turn to face her and see your mom and the rest of your guests next to her. Your mom looks at you with worry. Behind her, you see Echo, and your stomach drops. 

You look out for Wanda but her expression is one of curiosity, her apparent eternal front still in pace, and before you can do anything Clint goes to her side. Natasha tries to go to you but Octavia stops her. Pietro tries to gain your attention but you avoid him completely.

“I asked a question”

If there’s something that makes Lexa mad is the lack of responses. Instead of the lecture you were expecting, she surprises you by walking closer to you…

And slaps you.

You swallow hard. You can feel the tears forming in your eyes and the pain on your cheek but refuse to cry. 

You look at her and all the love and respect you feel suddenly leaves and you feel betrayed. 

“I asked you to follow protocol, especially during this time and next I know you’re organizing an unsupervised meeting with your betrothed and challenging your sister?”

You remain silent.

“Heda, with all due respect, Hainofi Y/N didn’t issue the challenge” you turn to see Octavia stepping towards your mother. 

Lexa diverts her eyes from you toward her. Not a word is spoken.

“Is that true Madi?” She asks your sister with incredulity and such gentleness you can’t help but laugh at the irony. Lexa looks at you like you had lost your mind and maybe you have.

Before anything else can be said, bless King Stark for interrupting the moment.

“As much as I would love to see this awkward family moment and learn more about your traditions, I think is getting a little bit late and my lovely wife and I should head to sleep soon if we plan to rise early tomorrow. After all, we need to head back to prepare things in our lands before returning for the lovely wedding I’m sure Wands and Y/N will have” and it’s his stupid comment the one that breaks the tension… since it’s probably around 5 or 6 on the afternoon.

Pietro soon follows his lead

“Of course, it has been an amazing but tiresome day. Maybe Queen Griffin can show us the way back and probably tell me where the kitchens are?”

“I apologize. Of course. Echo please show Count Barton, King, and Queen Stark the way back. They should rest before supper. Octavia, please escort Duchess Romanoff and Lady Wanda to their chambers”

“I’ll escort them” you hear yourself say but before you can even attempt to walk Lexa grabs your arm.

“Octavia will escort them”   You look at your mother without saying anything, apparently, today is the day of stares. Shaking slightly your head you murmur a soft fine before taking your arm out of her grasp. 

Octavia is not done yet though.

“Heda, if I may, I think it’s important for Heidoni Y/N to spend some time with Lady Maximoff in order for them to get acquaintance with each other, especially due to recent events and developing news,” Octavia tells Lexa. She has always been one of the persons to get head to head with Lexa, the other being your mom. She, like her, can call Lexa on her shit and get away with it (mostly).

You expect your mother to refuse, but something in her softens when she sees you and only nods her head before telling Madi to accompany you as well.

“Octavia, a word” is the final thing you heard her say before they leave. 

During all this time you didn't notice the warriors going away nor the other guests leaving with their respective handlers. It’s only when you turn to see Wanda and Natasha that you notice you’re the only four left in the room.

You hear Madi pat her clothes and you turn to look at her, anger still lingering. Sensing the pain in your hand you remember you still have the sword, looking at her you throw it at her feet.

“I’m done competing against you”

“You think I did this for a competition?!”

“Why else would you issue a Heda challenge if not for this?!”

You raise your voice just like her. Honestly, you just want to be left alone or at the least have some time with Wanda, but the universe is loving playing with you today.

“Because you took the vow you stupid!” Madie emphasizes each word with a finger jabbing at your chest.

The room goes silent or as silent, as it can get, seeing that neither Wanda nor Natasha had issued a word since. 

“You took the vow strisis” the last words a whisper, she then suddenly launches at you, her arms hugging you tighter than the day she arrived. 

And now her attitude makes sense. She wasn’t angry at you because you were going to be Heda, she was angry you took the vow to protect the coalition with your life. 

She had hoped that even if war broke, you could avoid the conflict, avoid being at the front lines, seeing as you were the little sister and wouldn’t had ascend to the throne yet, even if you married Maximoff beforehand, because for you to ascend, the current Heda would need to die.

But now it was impossible for you to step aside, you had been marked and you had vowed on it. 

As soon as the sun rises tomorrow, your headpiece will change, indicating your new status as Heda’s second. Everybody in your lands would already know just by seeing Lexa’s sash around your hand and your blood on your headpiece.

And this has been such a tiresome and stressed day that as soon as she hugs you, your tears run down freely. By now, you know you have made a complete fool in front of Wanda and any chance you might have to change her impression of you is gone down the drain. 

“Sorry to interrupt but by the way that was freaking awesome. Y/N you’ll need to teach me those moves”

Natasha’s voice breaks the moment and Madi is the first to separate from the hug, she looks at you now with love and sorrow. You sniff and laugh at the same time. Bless these people and their imperfect perfect timing to defuse a situation.

“Yeah of course Duchess Romanoff”

She waves her hand dismissing the title. You like her already.

“Please, call me Natasha when your mothers aren’t around”

You smile, just a few hours and she has picked on the strict side your mother has. You look one last time at Madi and give her a smile. She surprises you by giving you a small hug.

“Now, I believe my little sister has an unsupervised commitment here with Lady Maximoff?”

Natasha not so discreetly coughs something closer to “first date” but you don’t want to get your expectations up.

Right. 

You hoped that wouldn’t be mentioned again. This has been a disastrous day already, plus you’re sweaty, bloody, tired, and your face and hair are probably a mess, not exactly a “first date” presentation.

“Uh… I understand if she doesn’t want to go, I mean, it was a spur of the moment, it’s not on their agenda, and-“

“I wouldn’t mind” you hear Wanda’s voice and is the most angelical thing you have ever heard. You turn to look at her so fast your neck probably got whiplash.

“Are you sure?” You timidly ask and as you take a few steps closer to her, your heart beating so fast, you can’t help but think that this is the longest you two have actually talked. You pray whoever is up there to let you hear her voice more often.

“I am,” she says while looking straight into your eyes and you’re so sure she can see your soul. She tilts her head a little in confusion, frowning. You have come to love that small frown though. And as soon as she speaks those words you smile, a smile that reaches your eyes and makes your chest happy.

“Y/N?” You hear Madi call you. Not wanting to take your eyes from Wanda but also not wanting to disrespect your sister you turn to look at her. Forgetting for a moment all the emotions you’ve had during the day, the physical stress you put your body through the challenge and training, not feeding it properly and the little blood loss you suffered, it’s not a surprise you get dizzy. 

“Whoa”

You feel a pair of hands holding your waist, steading your body, feeling a shock through your body, a warm sensation filling you. Turning your head you expect to see Madi for some odd reason (you’ll later know she nor Natasha were that close to you in order to catch you on time) and are surprised to see Wanda. This close you notice the exact tone of her green eyes, a shade lighter than your mother’s, she’s a little bit shorter than you, not more than an inch, her scent (something floral, like jasmine) hits your nose and you can’t help but inhale it. You swore you see some red wisps around you but you can’t be sure.

“I think you need to rest” it’s her sweet voice the one that has you trying to stand tall. Breathing in and out just like Octavia showed you, you try to get some sort of control over your body. A chance to get Wanda alone again after today might be hard to get, so you wouldn’t want to pass this.

“No, no. I’m okay. I just probably need to eat”

“And get a bath, it wouldn’t be a bad idea… Henofi” Madi’s sweet voice reaches your ears. You nod.

“Can I still see you?” you direct your words in a plea to Wanda

You don’t know what were you expecting but the small chuckle you receive from Wanda is enough to get you weak on the knees and you would be damned if you won’t try again to hear that sound.

“She will be there” Is Natasha the one replying. You frown but don’t comment on it. Wanda takes her hands from your waist, seeing as you sort of have recovered your balance. 

You extend your hand, trying to make Wanda shake on it and it’s when she sees the damp sash, black stains covering most of the red. You flinch with the movement.

“Your hand” her worry is evident in her voice. She tries to take it but you recoil from her touch.

Not a lot of people outside Triku territory and the coalition know about the special type your mother, sister and you have. There aren’t many like you, not after that fateful attack at night years ago that killed most of them. You’re not ashamed of your blood but aren’t sure how Wanda could possibly react to it, there was a girl running after she discovered this.

Madi senses this and tries to go to you but Natasha stops her, nodding to just look. 

“I…” you tried but fail miserably trying to explain. 

“Please, let me look. I promise I won’t run” and seriously? it’s as if she just read your mind. Deciding that, if you two are meant to marry, you’ll have to learn to trust her and vice versa, plus you’re trying to get to know her, escaping from her won’t do any good.

You let her get close now, extending your trembling hand towards her. Wanda gently takes it and delicately starts unwrapping the sash, since there was nothing between the cut and the sash, and with all the new blood pouring, the fabric got a little bit stuck to the wound. 

Flinching, you grunt, wrenching your teeth to mask the pain.

“I’m sorry,” she says sincerely.

Finally, she undoes the bandage and observes your wound. The blood has stopped coming out, but the black drops can still be seen in some parts, where others have started to dry. She tentatively tries to reach but thinks better of it, fingers stopping closer. You examine her face, gauging her reaction.

“Your blood…?”

“It’s black, yeah”

She looks at you, her adorable frown present. She studies it for a moment, tilting her head, and observing it. She passes her hand above it.

Madi takes a step closer, ready in case something goes bad, making Natasha get closer as well.

“Why?”

“Genetic trait, created to resist the radiation that plagued my mother's native land, it’s called natblida, night blood in English” you explain to her, choosing carefully your words, it’s the easiest and shortest version.

Wanda observes it and you observe her. Her gaze goes from your hand to your eyes. You feel her searching for something, you don’t attempt to blink…or breath.

She closes her eyes, suddenly feeling a warm sensation on your hand, you take your eyes from her and towards your hand, seeing red wisps coming from her hand. After a few seconds she opens her eyes again, you watch her with your lips parted, noticing not for the first time, that they go from red to their usual green.

Unconsciously you lick your lips, your mouth suddenly dry, noticing her eyes catch it and follow the whole movement.

“You have magic” you barely whisper but in the quiet room, you must as well have screamed it.

Madi comes closer after hearing your words, taking your hand from her grasp and inspecting the now closed wound. She looks at Wanda and then at Natasha, having a silent talk with her, and, not for the first time, you wish you could be as good as she is at reading people.

“You know you’ll need to keep the sash for a few more days right?” Maddi says after whatever she and Natasha communicated.

“But is all bloodied and dirty”

“Mother probably sent to your chambers freshly red fabric already”

At the mention of your mother, you can’t help but lower your gaze, frowning. You feel conflicted at the moment with her. Madi notices this, same as Wanda and Natasha, and not wanting to interrupt more than what they already have, give you a little bit of space. 

Madi lifts your chin.

“You know she loves you right?”

“Yeah”

“Okey. Now, you had a long day, and is not over yet, so I suggest we go so you can take a bath and hurry your ass back to take Wanda on your date”

A quiet and shy chorus of "is not a date" from you and Wanda has both Madi and Natasha laughing. Madi gently pushes you towards the entrance and you turn to look at Wanda. Her expression is softer now but still remains naturally guarded. She looks at you, mouthing an “I’ll be there”, walking past you with Natasha on her trail, when she passes next to you she winks and gives you a thumbs up.

Madi and you leave the training area, you’re silently walking, a small smile on your face, you can’t help but feel giddy. Already planning where to take Wanda after tonight. Finally, you feel things are getting better.

That’s it until you arrive at your room and see your mom Clarke waiting for you.

-- // -- // --

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Essays In Existentialism: Nerd 13

Previously on Nerd

“One more time,” Lexa called out, walking backwards to the other end of the lane, her sneakers kicking up some dust as she moved and watched the playback on her phone. 

“Your girlfriend is a little intense, eh?” Evan asked as he followed Clarke back to the start of their scene. 

Clarke looked up and wiped a little sweat from her brow as she watched Lexa move with Luna, talking about something, watching her phone while Luna juggled a camera and a script that’d seen better days. The messy waves were tamed, tied up and hidden by a baseball hat from her sister’s university, well-tattered and sweat-lined. The sleeves on her shirt were rolled up, exposing a slight bit of bicep, her jeans were caked in dirt and mud. 

“She’s hot though, right?” 

“I’m not answering that.” 

“I’ll allow you to answer it just this once.” 

“In a weird way, yeah, I guess,” he shrugged. “Ow! What the fuck?” 

“She’s super hot in a normal way,” Clarke informed him after socking his arm. 

“I meant like, I never considered it. Like, weird in a way I hadn’t considered. I’d prefer not to think of her like that, but you made me.” 

“Good, and you’ll never think of her like that ever again.” 

“Let’s give it one more go, and this time, Evan, I want you to pause before you answer Clarke. I want her words to ring for a moment. Play it how you think your character would feel it. Just for fun.” 

He nodded and Clarke smiled at how serious Lexa was, how intricately she thought about the scene. They’d been at it for three weeks and were nearly finished, toiling away after school as best they could, and Clarke found that she didn’t think she was the world’s greatest actress, but that she did enjoy seeing her girlfriend doing something she was insanely passionate about. There’s a bit of magic in seeing someone happy about something they enjoy. As silly as it might have seemed, Clarke let her imagination wonder to the idea of Lexa actually achieving her dream, of making things. She jumped twenty years, and Lexa was the exact same person, but different, but better, somehow. It was silly, but it helped. 

“Notes for me, sir?” she ventured. 

“You’re perfect. Keep being perfect.” 

As silly as it was again, Clarke smiled proudly and ignored the eye roll Luna gave before setting up with the camera again. 

In reality, it was about six more takes, two more requested by Luna, three requested by Evan, and once by Clarke. It was infectious to care and try to do better. But they were finally done with all else, and the end somehow felt so final. Though she’d been hesitant to try, now that they’d created something, Clarke felt connected to the entire thing. 

“So when will I get to see the entire thing?” Clarke asked, carefully dropping a bag of equipment on Lexa’s bedroom floor. 

“Oh, uh, maybe at the end of the summer? It’ll go through a ton of work with Luna and myself, and I’m not sure what we’re going to do… I will definitely show you though as soon as it is done.” 

“I’d hope so.”

“Thank you for helping me with this,” Lexa offered as she ran her hand over the back of her neck. “I know you are really busy. SAT, work, school, pep squad.” 

“And you’re not?” 

“Well, yeah, but I chose this, and you were recruited,” she shrugged. 

With a sigh, Lexa plopped onto her bed, tired and spent from the busy weekend. 

“You can recruit me anytime,” Clarke promised. 

In a move that was still somewhat new to Lexa, hips circled her own, and knees gripped her thighs, and that led to a lot of feelings in her body, especially in the below the belt part that she hadn’t particularly figured out in the practical sense. Theoretically she knew exactly what was happening. 

Without saying anything else, Clarke removed her girlfriend’s ball cap and tossed it on the bed. Lexa held her hips, ran her hands up her thighs and squeezed there, careful not to move her eyes anywhere but Clarke’s face. But they closed on their own when hands ran along her temples, scratching the sweat and soreness away, melting her instantly. 

There’d been a truce ever since the dance. There’d been a few make outs that went slightly past polite. There’d been a few time hands wandered lazily where they might not have been allowed, but didn’t care about no trespassing signs. There hadn’t been Clarke in her lap though, and Lexa knew this was different. She made it different when her hands slid around hips and toward Clarke’s ass. She squeezed and she thought she’d died. 

By the time Clarke kissed her, Lexa realized she was on her back in her bed with the head cheerleader on top of her. When hips pushed against her, she realized she was going to stop. Hands went to her chest. Hands slid under her shirt. Hands slid under her bra and she pushed back against being pinned. 

It all disappeared in a second, and confused at the loss of lips and contact, Lexa opened her eyes and searched. Clarke sat there, hands braced on her stomach until she lifted her own shirt and tossed it on the floor. Scrambling, Lexa lifted herself, tangling her arms in an attempt at solidarity in taking clothes off only to be aided by an amused girlfriend. 

“Wow,” she whispered, taking her time to look over new skin before her. She kept her hands locked on Clarke’s hips despite wanting to move them. She let her eyes roam shamelessly. “You’re like… wow.” 

“Is this okay?” 

“Very okay.” 

“Thank God,” Clarke nodded before leaning back down, cupping Lexa’s face, and kissing her again, fiercer this time, if it were possible. 

Hips moved more this time. Breathing picked up more. Hands pulled, tugged, grasped tighter. They clawed at each other and at more, at what their bodies already knew how to do but their brains overthought and tempered. It was a battle of want and need and restraint, and in it, they both knew which was losing. 

In a shaky attempt, Lexa somehow unhooked Clarke’s bra. And in an instant her girlfriend was topless on top of her, and now her lower half was absolutely made of lava. It was painfully molten. 

“Oh… my…. Goodness,” she hummed. 

Clarke pressed her hands harder against Lexa’s ribs and rotated her hips. Lexa slid her hands up Clarke’s chest and squeezed. She watched her hands moved and touch and feel. She was touching someone else’s nipples for the first time ever, which was a weird thing to be cognizant of, but something that she never imagined desiring. But she did. And she wanted to memorize it entirely. She earned a hum and she pushed her hips up, in an off-kilter response to Clarke’s hips. 

“Hey Lex, you home, sweetheart?” a voice called out from down the hall. 

The spell was broken. The frantic, hot buildup was drenched in freezing cold water. The skin on display was covered with shirts as quickly as possible and the contact of bodies was broken with as much space as humanely possible placed between them. 

“Yeah, uh,” Lexa cleared her throat and tucked in her shirt for some reason as she stood, her legs wobbly and her head not much more sturdy. “Just got home.” 

“Your mom is bringing home dinner. She got sandwiches from the deli.” 

“Sounds good!” 

“Want to work on your car?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“Sounds good, kiddo. I’m just going to go change.” 

Her father’s voice faded as he moved toward his room. Lexa leaned against her door and looked back at Clarke in her room. The blonde just pushed her hair out of her face and tried to adjust her shirt, tugging her bra slightly from the quick reassembly of her parts. Her lips were puffy. Her cheeks were bright red. She was perfect, Lexa realized. 

Lexa cleared her throat again and redid her pony tail. 

“So that was--”

“Really good,” Clarke finished. “Maybe we should… it’s good your dad-- we should talk about this, right?” 

“Um, yeah, I think.”

“Not right now though.” 

“Of course, yeah,” Lexa nodded, unsure exactly what was going to be discussed and even worse when it would be. She needed more context clues because too much had just occurred, and she was a specifics type of girl. 

“I should head home. I have to finish some physics homework and take a cold shower.” 

“Right, yeah. It was hot out there today and I kept you out in the sun.” 

“Okay, we definitely are going to have to have some conversations.” 

“Am I in trouble?” Lexa asked, cocking her head as Clarke picked up her backpack and shouldered it, making her way to the door. 

“Not at all. I just want to be able to talk about sex with you before we do it because I imagine you might need it, and to be honest I’m not sure how much longer I can survive how sexy you are.” 

Sex. Clarke wanted sex. They had almost, Lexa imagined. And Clarke was talking about sex with her and wanted to talk about sex with her and wanted to have sex with her and talk about the having of sex with her and they were going to have sex. Having sex was an option that they were going to talk because they were going to have sex and they should talk about it. It was going to be a thing that was discussed between the two of them because sex was going to happen and it might have almost happened and they should talk about the sex that almost and might also in the future happen. Sex. 

“I’m kidding,” Clarke assured Lexa, pressing her hand to the center of her chest and bringing her back from the place she just died and went to. “I can wait however long we need to, but I think we should talk about it so something like this doesn’t happen and we don’t have a clear line drawn or not drawn. Think about where your line is, I guess and then we can talk about it.”

“Okay.” 

Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek and then her jaw and then her neck and then her lips. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Mhm. Yes. Me okay. I’m okay. Always ok.” 

“Did I melt your brain with the mention of sex?” Clarke smiled. 

“Yeah, kind of.” 

“No rush, I promise. Just like to be prepared.” 

“Like a boy scout.” 

“Don’t stress. I like you.” 

“Mmm,” Lexa nodded and tried to make her eyes not be completely huge, tried to make her heart stop throbbing in her pants and ears, tried to make her brain not explode or melt. 

“I’ll talk to you later. Have fun with your dad.” 

“Mmm,” she hummed and nodded as Clarke moved past her toward the door. “See you tomorrow.” 

In an instant, Clarke was gone, and Lexa looked down at her hands. They’d been on Clarke’s naked boobs. She looked at her hips. They’d been on Clarke’s thighs. She looked at her bed and how surprised she was that her body just did some of the things it did. She wasn’t sure what else it was capable of, but she decided she might need to do research. 

XXXXXXXXXX

“I need to talk to you about two things.” 

“Hey, I’m good, thanks for asking. Just cramming for some finals, but yeah I definitely have time to help you out.”

“Okay, good,” Lexa nodded to herself as she paced through the garage, twisting a wrench around as she moved, twirling it around her fingers. It all happened quite seriously as she surveyed the car as it was coming to life. 

The house was empty, her parents out on a date. Luna was coming over shortly to work on some of their film, but Lexa had a few things she wanted to get done on her car. More than anything though, she needed to speak with her sister desperately regarding many things in her life. 

“How have you been, Lex?” 

“Pretty good.” 

“Anything planned for the summer yet?” 

“I have an internship with a film crew that’ll be in town for a few weeks. My history teacher’s old college roommate is first camera. Some movie of the week thing for the holidays.” 

“Wow! Lex, that’s huge!” 

“I guess. But I need to know about sex. Sex with another girl. You’re in college. Have you had sex with another girl?”

Anya choked on her sip of coffee as she stopped walking down the sidewalk. She nearly dropped part of her armload of books, but managed to get a grip at the last moment. 

“Sorry to disappoint, but I haven’t.” 

“I tried to ask Gus but he said he couldn’t talk to me about it, and I just need someone to tell me what to do because I’ve run out of online resources short of porn and to be honest I looked a few and I didn’t like it.” 

“Lots of information to unpack in this…” 

“What do I do or who do I talk to?” 

“Just give me a second, okay?”

With a sign, Lexa sat the phone down on the edge of the car and went about the tough work of running some wires through the rear panel. If she was doing something with her hand, then she didn’t have to repeat the word sex nine hundred times per minute in her brain. 

“You and Clarke are talking about having sex?” 

“We’re talking about talking about it.” 

“How long have you been dating?” 

“Um since beginning of November. Almost six months.” 

“Do you love her?” 

“I don’t know. I mean…” Lexa paused her movements and furrowed. She hadn’t thought of it like that. It seemed almost insane to quantify her feelings into one word. She was excited to always see Clarke, and when she had a bad day, Clarke was the only person she really wanted to see, and when she did, the bad day just melted away. How was she supposed to figure out if it was love when she couldn’t compare it to anything else? She got butterflies still, when she saw her girlfriend. And Lexa felt this weird need to do things for Clarke, without being asked. She was helpful and attentive because the payoff of Clarke’s smile was worth even a few minutes of forethought. But she hadn’t considered that love, but maybe it was. 

“I really don’t know. I like her a lot. I like how we are” 

“That’s fair. I guess I should rephrase it. What makes you think you’re ready to have sex?” 

“I really want to.” 

“Okay, yeah, well everyone really wants to have sex, but what makes you think you’re ready? Can you confidently say where your boundaries are? Are you ready to have a much more intimate relationship with someone?”

“I was kind of just looking for more help in the mechanics of it.” 

“That’s the easy part,” Anya smiled to herself as she took another sip of her coffee. The weather was changing, the spring breeze ruffled the trees so they loudly clamoured above as she moved with the crowd along the narrow sidewalk. “There’s a certain level of intimacy in having sex with someone, especially someone you really like. I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but it’s certainly different. Do you think you’re ready to do that?” 

“I think so,” Lexa murmured after a moment of contemplation. She tapped a screwdriver against her thigh and stared at a single screw. “I really want to make her feel good and I know that sounds stupid, but I just… Sometimes it’s easier to want to kiss her than tell her exactly what I feel. I want to show her.” 

“I can see how that would work. Just so long  as you take a good bit of time and really consider it. And remember, even if you agree, you can change your mind at any time.” 

“Ugh, not you too! Dad’s already given me a billion consent talks. I just want to go down on Clarke without making a fool of myself.” 

Anya couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the outburst, but she somehow managed to hold her phone away from her mouth as she did. It took her a moment to recover. 

“Just do what you like and listen to her. Ask her what she enjoys. Be receptive to how she sounds and moves. It’s really not that hard. Just give it your all.” 

“This is all fine advice, but I still don’t know how to actually do it.” 

“You’ll figure it out.” 

“I don’t like leaving it up to chance.”

“You’ll be fine, I promise. You care for Clarke and I think she’ll be able to show you a thing or two.” 

“What does that mean?” Lexa paused her movements and furrowed. 

“You’ll see.” 

“I really don’t like the sound of that.” 

“You will, I promise.” 

“Are you coming home this summer?” 

“I might. So, sex with your girlfriend, huh?” 

“Maybe. Is it weird that I just… I want everything to keep going how it has been? It’s been so easy and nice and I didn’t think dating Clarke would be so … so… easy?”

“That’s not weird at all. It sounds like you are having a good time.” 

“I’m going to ask her to go to prom.” 

“Wow,” Anya smiled to herself, doing her best to sound surprised by the news, as if it wasn’t customary to take once’s girlfriend to prom. “Are you going to do a big ask?” 

“Nah, I don’t think that’s me,” Lexa shrugged, even though no one would see it. “And I don’t think it’s Clarke. She’s not like… she’s not like what I would have thought. She’s better.” 

“You’ve got it bad.” 

“Nah.” 

It was nice to talk to her sister. It was nice to be put at ease, even if she just heard a bunch of stuff she already knew. Lexa wasn’t sure how it came to be that she was someone who talked to her sister every few days and actually filled her in on her life. She wasn’t sure how she enjoyed spending Saturday morning with her parents going on a hike or breakfast. She wasn’t sure how it came to be that the head cheerleader was soft and quiet and warm and made her feel like she was full of helium, but it was all happening, and Lexa felt herself open up to the world again without ever realizing she had been closed. 

XXXXXXXXXX

For an entire seventy-two hours, Lexa let it all rattle around in her head, the words and the ideas and the thought of it all. All at once it felt like she didn’t know what came next while also incredibly knowing and that held her stuck. She hadn’t thought to ask for more, and she wasn’t sure how to have it. She knew that it was important, and she knew that was a different step than the ones she’d already taken. 

Nothing seemed to change with Clarke though. 

Lexa still held her girlfriend’s hand between classes, and they still hung out and texted and kissed and no one said anything despite Lexa taking her sister’s advice to really think about what it all meant. 

She didn’t know what it meant. Not truly. 

“That’s it. I quit. My brain is melting out of my ears.”

With an exaggerated flourish, the body on the bed flopped over and tossed a notebook onto the floor. Eyes rolled back before a tongue hung out and Lexa smiled from her spot at her desk. The music played softly from the speaker on the bookshelf. It was already dark outside as they worked on studying, but the lights reflected so that outside didn’t exist at all. 

“Your brain isn’t melting. It’s just growing and growing and will soon explode.” 

“I think I prefer the melting,” Clarke sighed. 

Lexa smiled to herself because there was the head cheerleader laying in her bed. And Clarke was wearing her old soccer sweatshirt and she was tired from after work, but still stopped by before heading home just for a few hours of studying. 

“Would you like to go to prom with me?” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah you,” Lexa decided, cocking her head slightly. The corpse in her room rolled over again and lifted her head. “With me.” 

“Was it the melting brain thing that really sold you?” 

“I just like how you look in my bed.” 

“Your bed is very comfortable.” 

“I thought about the sex thing and I don’t know if I’m ready right now, or by prom or whatever, but I want to just keep doing things slowly if that’s okay?” 

Clarke sat up so she was kneeling on the bed. She’d already rolled the sleeves of the sweatshirt that hung a little long on her. There was a hole over the letter on the left part of her chest. Her hair was falling out of a messy bun, and her cheeks had their dimples in them. Lexa took a moment to remember it. 

“That’s fine by me.” 

“It is?” 

“I like how fluid everything is with you. I just wanted you to be aware of what you were feeling and what your limits were.” 

“I don’t know them right now, but I’ll know them as things happen, if that’s okay.” 

“Very okay.” 

“Do you want to go to prom with me?” 

“Didn’t I already say yes?” 

“No.” 

“Well then, yes.” 

“Cool,” Lexa grinned, holding her chin on her palm. 

Clarke relaxed slightly and smiled back. 

“Cool.” 

NEXT

[sassymajesty]

sneak peak for earning it back, please 🙏🙏🙏

Lexa walks towards the island still carrying Sage on her hip, one arm wrapped around her with the ease of someone who had to do that in her sleep. “Do you want a snack?”

“Yes, please,” her L comes out as a W in her tiny voice.

Moving the wine classes out of Sage’s reach when Lexa sits her on the counter, Clarke automatically puts a hand on her back to steady her and keep her from kicking her way to the floor. Lexa gives her a small smile and turns around to grab something for her to eat, “Do you know Clarke?”

Sage looks up, her feet still swinging excitedly over the edge, and she answers with more certainty than Clarke herself has, “Yes!”

“Oh!” Lexa coos her, lifting tinfoil and lids to put a handful of baked vegetables into a colorful food tray, little ducklings decorating every compartment — something left behind from Aden’s toddler days, no doubt. “And how do you know her?”

As Sage launches into a rant, Clarke struggles to keep up. She understands the first word — Aden — and nothing else. She blinks at the small thing in front of her as she gestures and clamps her hands together, then looks helplessly at Lexa. Only to find her girlfriend nodding and humming, completely enthralled in the conversation.

“Did he? Really?” Lexa spurs her on as she places a small piece of cornbread in the last empty compartment and slides the tray towards her. “Here you go, sweetie.”

“Fank you!” Sage tries to scoot back while reaching for a roasted carrot, the words coming out around her first bite.

Clarke swings her up and settles her down in the middle of the island, as far from the covered dishes as she can. Her hand finds her thigh now, keeping Sage in place as she drags the tray near her and dips her carrot into a sauce, “What did she say after Aden?”

“No idea,” Lexa admits, throwing a secretive smile at Clarke. It doesn’t take long for her to add something else, share a little more, “Aden and I spent the first three years of his life not quite understanding each other. It was the source of many breakdowns.”

Letting out a quiet chuckle, Clarke looks at Sage, at the way her little hand makes a fist around a broccoli floret. It’s not hard to imagine Aden at that age — his toothy grin and wobbly stance decorate half the living room — babbling his demands, his frustration reflected in Lexa’s face, both of them nearing tears.

Clarke turns to Lexa, reaching out her hand, crossing the space between them until she can tangle their fingers together, pulling her closer. “Do you ever think about having another one?”

It’s then that Clarke looks up, finds a soft smile tugging Lexa’s lips. “Yes. I—” Lexa pauses and swallows whatever words she was gonna say, her throat bobbing up and down, “I want Aden to have the same thing Hunter has with Sage, what me and Lincoln had together. What we still have to this day.” Whatever space is left in between them vanishes as Lexa presses a kiss to her temple, rests her nose on the apple of her cheek, “I just could never handle two small children on my own.”

Lexa draws back just enough to meet her eyes and gives her hand a gentle squeeze.

Blinking a few times, Clarke lets the meaning sink into her, the unsaid “now I have you”, the promise of what the future may hold — without any looming doubt, without the fear of their lives getting in the way. It’s a stolen moment, with conversation still flowing freely around them and a fussy toddler trying to escape, but it’s theirs.

“Can you two stop being gross? There’s a toddler sitting right here,” Octavia’s reproaching tone finds them, makes them sprint apart like they’re teenagers caught making out, and not two adults caught talking about what their future family might look like.

Clarke recovers a lot faster than Lexa does, and turns around to make sure Sage’s thigh is still secure in her palm. “We were keeping an eye on her,” there’s an edge to her voice when she says it. The fear of doing something wrong while looking after a child has eased when it’s just her and Aden — Sage is a lot younger, and Octavia might be much more protective than Lexa.

“Eh, kids are hard to break.” Octavia brushes her worries away in a very Octavia manner — falling just short of being comforting, but getting her to relax enough to let go of Sage now that her mom is there. “It’s with mama bear over there that you need to worry about. She asked me to come get you.”

[blah-de-blah-de-blah]

Some thoughts now I’ve finished What Happens On Tour

A while ago I read some advice from an author about what to do if your characters go off on their own paths and start to move away from what you’ve planned for them. Her advice? “Well, you must shut them up.”

Yeah, I wish I knew how to do that.

I can’t remember where or when the inspiration for What Happens On Tour came from. There’s a lot in there, including my own thoughts of “hey, if I had some, or any, musical talent I could have been a rock star”, but it’s an idea that developed over time. Two definite inspirations on it were The Law Of Gravitation (a music AU Doctor Who fic that starts about Bill and Heather but then grows to include just about everyone) and Mix The Bourgeoisie And The Rebel (a Pitch Perfect Bechloe fic where they oscillate between together and not together a lot). Anyway, if you liked What Happens On Tour, then you might well like those too.

The basic idea of the story was simple - put them together in the band, then have them wanting to be together but not being able to because of how their previous relationships had messed up and this was their last chance - and in my head it was going to be roughly six or seven parts, around twenty thousand words or so. They’d meet, they’d pine, they’d hook up, they’d both think that the other thought it was a bad idea, they’d try to keep apart but end up hooking up again, repeat a bit and then they finally get together, announce it in public, everyone’s happy, fun little epilogue, the end.

Best laid plans, eh? Even the epilogue’s changed - I started writing the one I’d had in my head since beginning this, and it just didn’t feel right. As another example, in the rough version I had in my head, chapter one was going to end with Clarke and Lexa waking up together hungover on the couch, a point they eventually reached at the end of chapter six.

There’s always a gap between the story in your head and the story you end up writing, and more often than not it’s because the characters you create refuse to jump through the hoops you’re setting up. I ended up writing more about them because I wanted to know more and explore more of them, but the more I did that the more it took them away from the characters who would have been fine for the more light and breezy version of the story that I’d begun with the intention of writing. They were still following my plan, but much more slowly than I expected and building a much deeper connection. This meant that when they finally got together - in chapter twenty of my initial six or seven - the idea that they’d stay apart because of bad communication just didn’t feel right. I’d thought I could get back to something like the original plan, but any time I tried to write an end to the next chapter where they didn’t talk about it just didn’t feel right. They wouldn’t avoid it, and once they actually talked it over in chapter twenty-two, I realised they weren’t going to keep themselves apart and I didn’t want to write a story where I’d contrive some external forces that would somehow keep them apart.

Looking back over some of it and I think the key line for me in realising that the story wasn’t quite what I’d thought it would be was Clarke’s “when it feels so good you’ll wade through rivers of shit to feel like that” in the very first chapter. That line came out and I realised I knew her and what she’d gone through, and it was a lot more than I thought it would be. I could have deleted it, but something light and breezy in there instead, but it wouldn’t have felt honest. Some people might be able to get their characters to shut up. It seems I’m not one of them. This has become the longest thing I’ve ever written, though I have done stuff getting towards the same length, but it’s been the first thing I’ve written that’s completely driven by character and relationships like this. Other stuff has been in the mould of the old pulp writer’s adage: if you don’t know what to do next, have someone walk in the door with a gun. Because this story was about the characters, I tried to avoid that - and there are definitely no guns in this story - by not throwing random events at them. I.ve been learning along the way but I think I’ve generally kept things in some sort of continuity (the one thing that niggles at me is something Raven does in the first chapter that doesn’t quite fit with how she’s described later, which I doubt anyone else has even noticed) and actually developed the characters. There are things I’d do differently if I was writing it again (starting with the title, which would be Teach Me To Let Go Of My Fears) but I’m generally happy with the way it turned out.

That said, there’s been that interesting pressure of knowing people are waiting for the next chapter to keep me going. I’ve got a lot of stories on my hard drive that I’ve started and then “paused” on half way through to go back and fix things which have never been finished. With this, I just had to strap myself in and keep going to the finish, hoping I would work out. And it did!

The one thing I didn’t do which I partly regret, and people have asked about in the comments, is putting any Raven/Anya relationship stuff in there. I had thought about doing it when I started off but never could find the right time to put a focus on them, especially when I was sticking to my rule of only using Clarke and Lexa as the viewpoint characters. Like I said, first time doing a story like this and managing one relationship was tough enough. That said, I’m fully in agreement with the death of the author and I haven’t put anything in there that explicitly contradicts whatever ideas you might have about what they’re doing in the background. And they will definitely be a feature in at least one of the next stories I’m planning.

Octavia and Lincoln was easier because they were together when she came into the story and the increasingly rough plan I had of where this was going had their engagement and wedding as points in the story. Fun fact: in the extended series of hookups version, that conversation with Bellamy at the wedding would have been the key for Clarke realising she wanted more with Lexa. (Asks are open for any other questions you might have about alternatives, or anything else) Overall, I’ve really enjoyed writing this story and it’s been a real light for me in a pretty dark time for all of us. I’m still amazed that so many people have read it, liked it and wanted more of it, so thank you all for following me on this journey. There are definitely more stories to come from me, so watch this space. There might even be some one-shot follow-ups to this in the future - I’m not promising anything, but I have vague ideas floating around, and I might sometime get the inspiration to turn one of them into a full story.

For now, I’m going to split my attention between two projects (and, you know, the rest of my life). I’m going to go back to Running Back To You, which began as a Clexa Week one-shot, but I’ve now got ideas for taking it forward, even if I don’t quite know where it’s going. My idea there is to balance the quite heavy Clexa story there with a lighter one of Raven and Anya (and where they have their own story, not just a pair the spares). The other is much more action-oriented, as it’s the Highlander fusion plot that dropped into my head. I’ve got a plot for it that’s not just rehashing the film, but I need to work some more on the outline before I start to post it, because I need to get the pacing right before the whole thing turns into a mess.

But all that is for the future, and I hope some of you stick around to read them if and when they appear. Until then, thank you all for reading and everything else that kept me going and for the past six months of writing, it’s been a fantastic experience for me, and I hope you enjoyed the ride.

[mopeytropey]

a beer buds series: chapter 6

Timeline: takes place during chapter 5 of ‘apu’ just before Lexa and Clarke get a little too drunk while watching movies (oops!) in which they fall asleep on Clarke's couch together (oops again!), subsequently commencing what I like to call The Separation

Beer: Free Rise (MOSAIC) DRY-HOPPED SAISON

This edition of Free Rise highlights locally sourced Danko Rye from Valley Malt and Mosaic in the dry hop. A nuanced fruity hop profile is balanced with subtle, crisp malt character and expressive notes of pepper and clove. Light in body, with a clean, bone-dry finish.

ABV 7.3%

Posted on AO3 here or below the cut :)

Free Rise: Trillium Brewing Co (Fenway/Boston, MA) :::

“This newer location is great, but you really need to experience their beer garden next summer on the green. Clarke is obsessed with it—chances are she’ll probably drag you there at some point.”

Lincoln says it so casually, and the image that Lexa begins to paint comes effortlessly.

She and Clarke on a day trip to Boston in mid June, sharing sips of beer and sampling local food trucks in the afternoon sun. Clarke’s rasping laughter drifting through the park as Lexa is further charmed, relaxing in the warm sun and nearby ocean breezes.

She would allow Clarke to drag her any number of places, Lexa thinks. Given the opportunity.

“I’m excited to see both locations,” she says to Lincoln, as if her mind hadn’t drifted into an idyllic landscape of some potential future.

It’s what she’s begun to sense as of late: possibility.

A recent glimmer of hope has been sparking at the periphery of Lexa’s consciousness. There’s the exhilaration of what might be possible for her and Clarke, even in its uncertainty. Even if she doesn’t have any control over it. She can feel the potential of things to come buzzing through her even now, as she and Lincoln walk under the looming, green shadows of Fenway Park.

“Have you been?” Lincoln asks, nodding towards the infamous baseball park that sits in the heart of the city, surrounded by bars and businesses and gawking tourists.

“Not yet.”

“We should go—I haven’t had anyone to hate watch the Red Sox with in years.”

Lexa smiles up at him. “A cherished pastime.”

They swap baseball stats and playoff predictions while walking down the stretch of Brookline Ave between historic Fenway and Trillium. The city air is crisp and cool, and Lexa almost wishes for a jacket, but the chill invigorates her already vibrant mood. Upcoming plans with Clarke have filled her with an unchecked buoyancy.  

Costia had left that morning for her weekend away with a parting kiss to Lexa’s temple, a warm hand cupped around the back of her neck.

Safe, perfunctory. Everything that Lexa has begun to associate with Costia.

“Can we try to talk about this again when I get back?”

For once, Lexa hadn’t flinched at the mention of Costia’s research grant and its implications for their relationship. “Sure.”

The extent of their goodbye at the door of their apartment had been Costia’s soft look and Lexa’s small smile as she briefly squeezed Costia’s fingers.

There had been a time when impending distance felt torturous—longing would spring up after only hours apart, and Lexa would ache to see her again.

Those moments for them, like so many others, are gone now.

And, if they have lost their weight, if they are no more than performative interactions between them, Lexa has begun to wonder: what’s left?

What is it that has kept her clinging to Costia so willfully?

Lexa has always excelled at making sense of her life and maintaining control, even amidst the chaos and unpredictability that has so often plagued her. She considers herself a rational person with a reasonable sense of the world, particularly the mechanics of her interpersonal relationships.

Being with Costia had been no different. From the very start, they just made sense. Lexa has always found comfort in the expected, seeking logic and practicality in her daily life.

At least, historically.

Ever since Clarke (clumsily) breezed into her life, Lexa hasn’t felt entirely reasonable about much of anything. Clarke is still unfamiliar in many ways. Her entire friendship has been fortuitous, unprecedented. It’s the first time in Lexa’s entire life that she has been irrevocably drawn towards such palpable uncertainty.

“This weather is perfect—I love it up here at this time of year,” Lincoln says.

Lexa breathes in deeply, anchoring herself to this moment and quieting the thoughts of her indeterminate future. “It’s great,” she smiles and continues in stride with Lincoln’s comforting shadow cast over her.

:::

The taproom is stunning: polished wood in every direction, exposed light bulbs hanging from an open ceiling, and thirty-foot glass doors stretching along an entire wall. In the warmer months, Lexa imagines the doors opening to a cluttered patio. In the early autumn temperatures, the patio is empty and half of the room inside is bathed in natural light while the other remains dim and cozy.

Lincoln heads straight for the bar counter. While a handful of other patrons have favored the couches near the windows, the bar sits empty.

“Hey guys.” A woman around their age approaches from behind the bar. She slides two menus in front of them as Lexa takes her seat beside Lincoln. “Here’s what we’re currently pouring on tap. Cans are listed at the bottom. You need a minute?”

“That’d be great. Thanks,” Lincoln answers.

The woman walks away with a smile that Lexa catches only as she looks up from her menu.

Lincoln drums his hands against the counter top. “Oh shit, I know what I’m getting.”

“That was quick,” Lexa says, returning her attention to the draft pours.

“Their gose is ridiculously good.”

“I think I’m going to do the farmhouse.”

“Did you two decide?” The bartender is already approaching as Lexa glances up from her menu. “Sorry—I wasn’t trying to hover, but it’s pretty dead in here today.”

“No worries.” Lexa offers a brief smile and watches the woman’s face transform, brightening as she stops directly in front of her and braces her arms against the edge of the counter.

“I’m gonna do the gose,” Lincoln says.

“And, I’ll do the Free Rise,” Lexa adds.

“That one is my favorite,” the bartender responds, grinning at Lexa as she retrieves their menus. “Be right back with those for you.”

“Thank you,” Lexa says while reaching for her phone that has buzzed twice from the front pocket of her jeans.

She’s fighting a grin at the messages she finds, simultaneously typing her response as Clarke continues her barrage of nonsense, and doesn’t catch the odd look Lincoln is giving her until she slides her phone onto the bar top.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shrugs, still looking too pleased for Lexa’s comfort. “So, what else are you up to this weekend? You wanna come check out the new poke bowl spot with me and O tomorrow?”

“I’m supposed to watch movies with Clarke tomorrow night—what time were you thinking of going?”

“No idea. I’ll let you know though. Or, you know, bring her with you. We can make it a foursome.”

His suggestion has her ridiculously flustered for what could be no more than an invitation to hang out with three of her friends. But, it’s Lincoln, and Lexa knows better than to underestimate his scheming.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ll, um, I’ll ask her,” Lexa answers, almost immediately distracted again by the vibration of her phone.

She’s still rolling her eyes at Clarke’s entirely ridiculous diatribe about the validity of poorly written screenplays of the early 90s when the woman behind the bar returns with their drinks.

“Here we go. Should I start a tab for you?”

“Um, sure,” Lincoln responds. He fishes out his debit card from his wallet and slides it across the bar counter.

“I really love your sweater, by the way.”

There’s a brief, weighted pause following the sound of the woman’s voice, and Lexa looks up from her phone when she realizes the compliment was meant for her.

“Oh. Thanks.” She flashes another momentary smile before reaching for her beer and sending off her scathing rebuke for Clarke’s lack of cinematic prowess.

The absolute ire that it will produce and the irritated messages that will follow almost make Lexa giggle in public. Pushing Clarke’s buttons has become an accidentally honed skill.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you not the same person who told me—not two weeks ago—that having beautiful women flirting with you typically grabs your attention?”

Lexa closes her phone instantly, replacing it to her jeans pocket where she hopes it will be safe from Lincoln’s insightful observations. Like getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she attempts to clear her face of any guilt as she looks over at Lincoln because Clarke had not been flirting with her in the first place. They have merely been discussing preferences in film through a medium of quick wit and lightly antagonistic banter.

“What are you talking about?”

Lincoln’s voice drops to an even lower volume as he leans towards her. “That bartender has been chatting you up since we walked in, and you seem to be on another planet right now.”

“She was not—”

“Oh-ho-ho,” Lincoln laughs. “Believe me. She definitely was.”

Lexa chances a quick glance down the length of the bar towards the woman polishing glassware. She looks up before Lexa can avert her gaze, and that same smile is back. Lexa’s stomach drops regretfully.

She hadn’t registered the blatant interest from their bartender nor her physical features, which are, objectionably, quite attractive.

Damn it, Lincoln.

“How is it?” the woman calls out, and Lexa raises her glass with a forced smile.

She takes a sip, pretending it isn’t her first, and can actually feel Lincoln fighting a smile to her left. “It’s great. Thanks.”

“Maybe having multiple beautiful woman flirting with you simultaneously is throwing you off,” Lincoln stage whispers, gleefully watching Lexa’s discomfort until she kicks his leg with the toe of her sneaker.

“I’m ignoring you now.”

“Oh good,” Lincoln laughs, “this should be a fun hang then.”

Lexa’s phone continues to alert her of Clarke’s persistence, or so she assumes by the rapidity at which it vibrates. Clarke never sends one, moderate length text when she could send 12 fragmented messages in quick succession. She reaches into her pocket to silence her notifications when Lincoln gently pokes a finger into her tricep.

“I’m just giving you a hard time. You know I don’t give a shit if you text Clarke while we hang out. She’s my buddy.”

“Why are you assuming I was texting with Clarke?” Lexa can hear the edge to her voice and reaches for a drink of her saison to lessen her defenses.

“Wild guess.”

Even Lexa is relatively powerless to Lincoln’s smirking charm and fights a smile of her own when their eyes meet.

“We’re debating movie selections for tomorrow,” she shares. “Her taste in film is generally abhorrent.”

“You two are always fighting about something.”

“Not intentionally. But, Clarke can be very … frustrating,” Lexa admits with a soft scowl into her beer. Lincoln laughs in response and she exhales. “We’re extremely different people.”

“Yeah, but differences are good. At least she keeps things interesting.”

Lexa barely manages not to choke on her beer, swallowing inelegantly. “That is one way to put it.”

“So, Costia is gone until Monday?”

Lexa tries not to let the abrupt change in conversation jar her. “Yeah.”

“Where’s the conference again?”

“D.C.” Lexa clears her throat, tracing a ring of condensation with her index finger against the bar. “Johns Hopkins.”

“How have things been? Any better?”

“Define better.”

Lincoln grimaces sympathetically at Lexa’s unmasked cynicism, and she exhales a cleansing breath. She’s determined not to make this yet another installment of airing her grievances of a stalled relationship, like so many times before. Lincoln is too kind and too selfless—she doesn’t want to take advantage of his friendship by making everything about herself all the time.

“Sorry,” she says softly. “I guess I don’t know how to determine if things are improving or not. But, we’re trying to be more realistic about our relationship at the very least. Talking a bit more. She’s been pursuing this research grant, which would mean almost a full year apart as she works abroad.”

“Damn.”

“I know. I took the news spectacularly well, as you might imagine.”

“Lost your shit a little bit?”

Lexa huffs a laugh and pulls on the sleeve of her sweater. “I think you accused me of being particularly homicidal that morning?”

Lincoln tips back in his stool with a laugh. “Ah, yes—I knew it.”

“Thank you for gloating at my expense,” Lexa responds drolly.

“Sorry.” Lincoln clears the laughter from his voice and attempts composure. “So, what’s the plan? Wait and see if her proposal is accepted?”

Lexa swallows down a mouthful of beer and runs a hand through her hair. “I think we have plenty to talk about even if she doesn’t get the grant, but yeah. We’re supposed to talk when she gets back.”

“That’s really good, Lex.” Lincoln’s gentle timbre is warm and reassuring, all prodding humor gone from his tone. “I mean, it’s tough, but avoidance is also generally unhelpful.”

“Yes, I’ve realized.” Lexa smiles over at him, feeling better already.

Lincoln then asks, “What about Clarke?” and her momentary sense of relief vanishes.  

She’s either gone extremely pale or is blushing fiercely because she feels both an icy chill and too hot all at once. She barely manages to respond without her voice shaking awkwardly. “What about Clarke?”

Lincoln is unfazed, lightly flicking his finger against her forehead as if they’re still thirteen and riding a noisy subway car. “She’s supposed to be your best friend, dummy. You should talk to her about this stuff.”

She’s never considered mentioning anything of significance about Costia to Clarke. It’s always seemed to Lexa, unsurprisingly, like a conflict of interest. Clarke will often inquire about Costia’s schooling, graciously concerned for her well-being within a demanding graduate program. In turn, Lexa offers her standard replies, never wanting to delve too far into their dynamic for fear it would reveal too much and ruin everything. Her life for the past several months has relied entirely on a delicate balance. Saying too much too soon could be perilous.    

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Hey guys, are we ready for another round?”

The unexpected sound of the bartender’s voice startles Lexa out of her thoughts, and she looks up to see that her beer is, in fact, empty.

“I’d like to try what he was drinking, actually,” Lexa tells her.

“You know what? I’m going to do the farmhouse,” Lincoln announces and slides their glasses closer to the woman standing in front of them.

She laughs easily while reaching for their empty glassware. It’s a nice laugh, ringing pleasantly in the quiet taproom. Even still, Lexa can’t help but register how much it pales in comparison to the addicting notes of Clarke’s distinctive laughter.

“Okay so two more of the same but in reverse,” the woman confirms. “Got it.”

As she leaves them, Lexa spins in her stool, determined to shift gears away from her indecisiveness. “Things with you and Octavia are going well?”

“Yeah,” Lincoln smiles. “Really great. She’s probably way too good for me, but I’m going to keep my mouth shut and hope she never figures it out.”

Lexa arches an eyebrow. “Do we need to sort through your abandonment trauma now? Because I thought we promised each other years ago that we would stop belittling our own self-worth.”

“No, no,” Lincoln laughs. “I’m good, I swear.” He shrugs a moment later and scratches his head. “Old habits.”

“There is no one too good for you, but if there were ever a perfect match out there, it’s Octavia.”  

The bartender returns with their drinks before Lincoln can respond, but he looks at her as if Lexa has just gifted him the cosmos and reaches out to squeeze her shoulder. Their next beer turns to idle chatter, old memories, sports, and shop talk. Lexa checks her messages while Lincoln is in the bathroom and finds that Clarke has not conceded any of her poorly formed arguments by even a fraction. The fiery retorts on her screen breed a smile so wide that she doesn’t manage to temper it by the time Lincoln returns.

If she were at liberty to be more honest, she would tell Clarke that it doesn’t matter what movies they watch. She’s just happy to be spending more time together. Instead, she slides her phone back into her pocket and stands beside her stool, stretching the stiff muscles of her back.

“You ready to go?”

Lexa smiles in response and nods.

They thank their bartender and exit the taproom into a setting sun. The foot traffic down Brookline Avenue is busier at the 5:00 hour as city workers rush towards their staggering commutes home. Lexa is lost in thought, still pondering her evening with Clarke the following day, when Lincoln abruptly pulls her down a side street with his hand wrapped around her elbow.

“Oh wait—this way.”

“Um, where the hell are we going?” Lexa asks when their course has been rerouted away from Lincoln’s car.

“I just decided I’m gonna take you for the best burger of your life. Storrow Drive is a parking lot right now anyway—it could take us hours to get home if we leave now. Let’s eat first and then drive back.”

In no rush to return to her empty apartment, Lexa shrugs easily. “Yeah, sure.” Being in Lincoln’s company is almost always preferable to anything else anyway.

After a moment’s pause, he nudges her with his elbow as they walk and is grinning stupidly when Lexa looks up at him. “If you really want to make Clarke mad, tell her we’re about to walk into Tasty Burger.”

Lexa has spent the better part of the year feeling unmoored by a lack of purpose. She has been draped in uncertainty and self-doubt after abandoning her life in New York. And while she still feels plagued by indecision, she’s also grateful for the choices she’s made that have brought her here, walking in stride with an old friend.  

She returns Lincoln’s smile and reaches for her phone.  

:::

[sableu3]

Day 27

100 Days of 100 Prompts 

 Grounder Bellamy / Marriage Alliance AU (Because I LOVE these tropes lol)

(I imagine Wells and Miller as her co-leaders/seconds in this scenario. Let’s just pretend Charlotte is either still dealing with her nightmares or wandered into the fog or something. Either way, she doesn’t kill Wells. Which means, Murphy doesn’t get blamed for it, doesn’t chase Charlotte, or get exiled, doesn’t come back with a plague or shoot Raven. Wow, look at those dominoes pick themselves back up.)

When Clarke finds the cages in the mountain and releases Anya, she also stops and releases all of them. They find weapons, take out the guards, find her people and let them know what’s going on and of course they help. It turns into a battle, since her people aren’t locked up and the grounder ‘army’ isn’t let go. They let the innocent live and Clarke will even offer to donate bone marrow so they can survive. MAYA LIVES! (I’m imagining that it’s only the mountain men ‘rebels’ who helped in canon that survive but you could have it being more or less) Clarke also learns about the reapers and says she might be able to cure them. Some of the grounders aren’t healed enough to leave yet anyway so they stay to recuperate (since it’s safe to do so now) and a few go out to round up the reapers and Clarke is able to slowly detox them. Monty and Raven help with the medical machines and files so they can figure it all out. The grounders heal up, and leave, taking the news of her conquest with them.

Lexa is dealing with the aftermath and it’s not looking good. Nia is starting shit about how the commander couldn’t defeat the mountain but this little space girl did. Lexa decides that an alliance via marriage is the only way to make sure Nia doesn’t stir up a revolt and use this as an opportunity to dethrone her. She needs to make sure Clarke is tied to the coalition beyond a shadow of a doubt. Lexa invites Clarke to Polis to talk about an alliance. Miller and Murphy go with her while Wells stays behind to lead in her absence. At first Lexa will try to force the issue, saying she will pick out her best warrior for Clarke but Clarke is obviously against this idea. She doesn’t care if they are a good warrior, if they are going to be her partner then she wants a partner. Someone she can learn to trust and lead with her, guide her. This isn’t how the grounders normally do things but Lexa gives way and offers to have representatives sent from each clan. She will be able to choose her partner but it must be from those representatives. Clarke reluctantly agrees because she knows they need this alliance. Miller isn’t happy about it for Clarke’s sake and Murphy is just worried about the grounders in general. They follow Clarke’s lead though. Skaikru won’t survive out of the coalition and the coalition might not survive without Skaikru’s support of Lexa against Nia. (As a side bit, now would be a good time for Murphy to meet Emori in the market and connect with her. Eventually she’ll be adopted into Skaikru)

Bellamy is from Shallow Valley. He is their best warrior and is sent to Polis as their representative but he is not happy about it. He lives apart from the main village with his sister and mother. They’ve been hiding Octavia since they learned she was a night blood when she was born and told the rest of the village that they lost the baby. No one questioned their move from the main village and just assumed it was her grief. But when he gets called to Polis, Octavia sneaks out and follows him after leaving a note for her mom. By the time he realises it, it’s too late to turn back and take her home. She reasons that no one will know her there but he is furious because all it would take is one tiny cut and she’d be exposed. She promises to be super careful and there isn’t a lot he can do about it now.

Bellamy is worried about being chosen and how that would effect his life and his sister. He is torn though because it would be beneficial to be the one to secure the alliance. The Skaiheda might even be able to offer Octavia her own protection in case she was ever exposed. He ultimately decides to just be himself and not try to charm her or drive her away. He’ll leave it up to her.

For her part Clarke is charmed by him because he is himself. The others are trying to either charm her, intimidate her, or are mostly indifferent and she doesn’t really connect with any of them. She likes how laid back Bellamy is and she’s seen him worry over his sister as well and finds it adorable. She can tell he’s a good man and thinks she’d be able to learn to trust him and maybe even love him one day. She knows that at the very least he’s her best bet.

Bellamy is actually rather surprised to be chosen. She hadn’t told him before hand, mainly because she hadn’t had the chance to. She had mentioned it to Lexa when she had asked how things were going and the very next morning Lexa announces her choice.

Things progress fast from there and it feels like a whirlwind to Clarke. They are to be married that night. Clarke gets some time to talk to him about it before she is whisked away to prepare. He hesitantly asks why she chose him and she tells him honestly that he’s the only one she could see herself having a future with and getting along with, that she wanted a partner. He grins at her and thinks this might turn out even better than he had hoped for. After the wedding they are shown to a new room for the two of them and Clarke starts undressing. She had been told that they would need to consummate the union tonight for it to be official. She had been nervous about that, knowing that there would likely be guards stationed right outside their room but honestly her new husband is gorgeous and sweet and she’s sure she can forget about her eavesdroppers. Bellamy however, wasn’t expecting her to be quite so willing and tries to offer her an out. She pauses and asks if he doesn’t want to have sex with her. He emphatically denies that and tells her she’s gorgeous but he doesn’t want to rush her or force her, they can do this in their own time. She smiles and reaches up for a kiss and tells him this time works fine for her. So they establish that they find the other attractive, they generally like each other and they are married and both of them want it to work beyond the alliance. They are on the same page, none of that pining, slow burn, back and forth. This is just two people slowly falling in love. So the alliance is secured. Bellamy brings her to Shallow Valley to introduce her to his mother. Skaikru have mainly taken over the mountain at this point and Clarke says his mother can come live with them instead of being alone out here in the woods. They aren’t panning on living IN the mountain forever. They want to build above it since they don’t want to be trapped like they were on the ark. For now though, they leave the doors open (since the remaining mountain men have the bone marrow now) and go back and forth until they can get the cabins built. Octavia is thrilled to be able to be around so many people without fear. Bellamy has by now explained his sisters situation and Clarke has assured him that she will protect her at all costs. Bellamy leads by her side and they manage to build up a respectable clan. Clarke learns more about grounder healing from Nyko and teaches him a few things as well like CPR and other things she learned on the ark. Octavia meets Lincoln on one of her visits since she goes with Clarke sometimes to learn. Clarke and Bellamy fall a little more in love with each other every day and she falls pregnant pretty quickly. She’s about 6 months pregnant when the Ark falls to Earth.

Part 2 (I separated this because it could be left out entirely and left more open ended but I wanted to add it in anyway for anyone who happens to be very ambitious lol) As Skaiheda, she takes the initiative to send someone to Polis and takes a group out to check on the survivors. She isn’t sure if the rest of the ark will fall in line or be their own clan and is worried about how this will disrupt things. She is happy they are alive of course but this also makes things much more complicated. Abby is happy to see her but shocked at her state. Clarke introduces her husband but they don’t have time for explanations yet. They get the wounded taken care of. Clarke has a doctor and nurse from the mountain as well as Octavia and Nyko with her to help. Later Clarke will request to speak to whoever is in charge and Abby is a bit taken aback but grabs Kane and they have a meeting. Clarke will explain what has happened since the 100 landed, the grounders, the alliance, and how she is the Skaiheda. If they want to be considered Skaikru then they must recognize her leadership, otherwise they will be known as Spacekru and they won’t be part of the coalition. They will have to negotiate for themselves. Abby is shocked, Kane is confused and patronizing and Byrne is furious. Clarke tells them she will give them a few days to think on it and that she will be back to answer questions later. Abby refuses to let her go and Bellamy steps between them. He’s already cataloged the exits, guards, and weapons, he knows the best way to get her out of here but is giving them a chance and a warning. Abby bursts out that she’s just a child and Clarke responds with ‘I haven’t been a child since you sent me down here to die.’

Basically this part is just politics and the Ark struggling to figure things out. Will they be able to bend and learn the ways of the ground? Can they accept Clarke as their leader or will they try to make their own way? And of course Clarke is dealing with all this and conferring with Lexa and keeping her up to date and all while heavily pregnant. I’m not sure how I want this to all play out yet. There are so many ways it could go.

[anonfanfic]

If you want a prompt for small town AU, what about clexa getting out of town for a day and either taking a road trip or heading to a city close by? That way they can have some time to themselves

Clarke woke up to a beam of warm golden sun hitting her face. She closed her eyes tightly and stretched her stiff muscles. She breathed a deep sigh of relief out of her nose as her fuzzy mind remembered it was Saturday and she didn’t have to rush off to school. 

She rolled over and grabbed her phone from her nightstand, unplugging the charging cord and trying to get her bleary eyes to focus on the much too bright screen. 

Lexa’s name appeared in a text notification and Clarke sat up in bed, a rush of adrenaline coursing to each of her limbs as she unlocked her phone and read the waiting message.

‘I need to drive into the city to pick up a part for my truck. Can you come???’

Clarke felt an extra surge of energy pulse in the pit of her stomach as she thought about a full day away from everyone, but Lexa. She pulled back her blankets and nearly toppled out of her bed as she started getting ready for the day. She threw her pajamas somewhere near her hamper as she thought of what lies to tell her mom to let her go into the city for the day.

She finished dressing and looked at herself in the mirror. Clarke wanted to look cute, but not like she was trying too hard just for a trip into the city.

Clarke ran down the stairs two at a time and had to slow herself before she walked into the kitchen. She worked hard to keep her face neutral as she did a quick scan of the room, but only saw her dad sitting at the table sipping a cup of coffee and looking over some sort of playbook. No doubt trying to plan some sort of offense for the big football game the coming Sunday.

“Where’s-uh-where’s mom?” Clarke tried to sound as casual as possible while she walked over and grabbed a glass from the cupboard next to the fridge. 

“She’s in appointments all day today. She mentioned us ordering pizza, so you know it’ll be a long day.” Jake Griffin didn’t really look up from the page he was taking in. So he missed the grin that pulled at Clarke’s lips hearing that her mother would be gone for the entire day. 

��Do you think you’d be okay on your own?” Clarke opened the fridge and grabbed the orange juice, turning around to see Jake was no longer looking at the papers in front of him. He only had eyes for his daughter.

“Why? What do you have planned?” Jake reached down without looking and grabbed his coffee cup to take a sip without breaking eye contact. 

“A couple friends were talking about going into the city. I was going to see if I could go with them.” Clarke poured the orange juice and gave a shrug of indifference as she finished speaking. She didn’t want her dad to know she was dying to go. She hoped he would think she didn’t mind either way. 

Clarke put the jug of juice back in the fridge and turned to see that her dad was once again looking down at his papers.

“Will you be back before curfew?” He asked, reaching over and taking a long sip of coffee.

Clarke almost choked on the mouthful of orange juice she had just taken in with her excitement to respond.

“Yeah-yes. I’ll be back way before curfew. I swear.” Clarke tried to cover her sputtering cough with her sleeve. 

“Fine, leave me by my lonesome.” Jake joked, waving his daughter off to go have fun.

Clarke downed the rest of her juice and laughed. “Yeah, like you won’t be locked in your study going over game tape for tomorrow.” Clarke felt like she was floating as she walked back toward the stairs to go tell Lexa she could go out.

“Hey!” Jake called, right as she got to the doorway. Clarke’s heart stopped and she turned to look at her dad who was looking at her with disappointment. “Who raised you?” He asked, pointing to the glass Clarke had left on the counter.

“Oh, sorry dad.” Clarke felt a rush of relief wash over her as she walked over to grab her glass and rinse it in the sink.

“Have fun, see you later tonight,” Jake smiled, as Clarke walked by and out of the kitchen.

Less than 20 minutes later and Clarke was driving down the main freeway out of their town and to the city. It was like Clarke could finally breathe once they left the town’s limits. 

Clarke felt pressure on her thigh and looked down to see Lexa’s hand resting there. She smiled, looking out the window at the long stretch of nothing that was between them and the city. It was the most peaceful she had felt in months. The town had become so suffocating and home was no different. There was no escape from the walls as they kept closing in on her.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Lexa asked, giving Clarke’s leg a squeeze.

“How damn good it feels to be out of that fucking town.” Clarke moved her hand on top of Lexa’s and laced their fingers together.

Lexa smiled and picked up their intertwined hands and brought them to her lips, placing a kiss on Clarke’s hand. 

“I’m glad you came.” 

Clarke moved over as far as her seatbelt would allow and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and listened to the soft sounds coming from the radio and Lexa’s rhythmic breathing just above her. If she could bottle this moment and live it whenever she wanted to, she’d do it in a second.

“You gonna fall asleep on me?” Lexa chuckled, moving her shoulder to make Clarke’s head bop a bit.

“No, no.” Clarke opened her eyes and smiled moving back to her seat and squeezing Lexa’s hand. “We just don’t get many moments like this. When we can feel…”

“Normal?” Lexa finished Clarke’s sentence. 

Clarke hadn’t really let it hit her until she heard Lexa say it. They weren’t allowed to be themselves in their town. They were always hiding and forced to be ashamed of loving each other. Clarke didn’t want to feel that way, it wasn’t fair to not feel comfortable in your home. 

“Yeah...it sucks.” Clarke’s mood shifted and she felt like she was being dragged down a mountain hitting trees and rocks all the way down.

“Hey, don’t let those fuckers get in your head today.” Lexa reached over and grabbed Clarke’s thigh again. “They don’t get to have today, it’s ours.” 

Clarke gave her head a shake and tried to push those thoughts out of her head. Lexa was right, they didn’t get to ruin their day. 

“I’m back. Let’s have a good day.” Clarke looked over and smiled at her girlfriend.

They drove for a little while in peaceful silence. Clarke played with the fingers on Lexa’s free hand as the city came into view on the horizon.

Lexa parked the car on a side street just off the main drag of the city.

“I need coffee before we do anything else.” Lexa hopped out of the car and reached for Clarke’s hand. She instinctively pulled back, looking around to see that no one around them was even paying attention. 

“Sorry,” Clarke looked back to Lexa who still had her hand outstretched. “Force of habit.” 

Clarke reached out and took Lexa’s hand, feeling her heart flutter as they started toward the coffee shop. It was a freeing feeling to walk down the street, their hands intertwined swinging between them and no one giving them a second look. They could be invisible here, just blend in with the crowd. 

They grabbed coffee and sipped it as they walked around on the beautiful, sunny Saturday.

Lexa found a park a few blocks away from the coffee shop and they decided to spend some time together out in the warm sun. It was just on the verge of fall so the air had just a little bite to it. Clarke loved this type of weather.

Clarke leaned over and pressed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek. “Can we just stay here?” 

Lexa reached over and put her arm around Clarke’s waist, moving her closer as they sat on the grass. 

“You mean live here...in this park?” Lexa laughed. “I mean it may not be great once winter hits, but if you’re here then I’m here.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s lips, lingering for a long moment before pulling away.

“Listen, I’ve wanted to ask you something for a while now. I’m just not sure how you’ll feel about it.” Lexa adjusted her position so she was looking directly at Clarke.

For some reason, Clarke felt her heartbeat start to pick up. She had no idea what Lexa was about to ask her, but her brain was thinking of all the worst case scenarios.

“O-Okay.” Clarke’s voice caught in her throat. Her mouth was suddenly painfully dry.

“I know it’s a long way off,” Lexa started, reaching down and starting to pull out blades of grass. “But with it being so close to the end of the school year....and we were already both accepted to college...I was thinking maybe we could go to prom together.” 

Clarke’s jaw went slack as Lexa finished speaking. She hadn’t even thought about prom. There was still nearly a full school year to get through before prom. 

Clarke let herself imagine getting to go to prom with Lexa. Picking out their outfits, taking pictures out by the lake, dancing together in the gym with stupid decorations hanging around them. It would be amazing, but not possible. It would be too easy for people to talk and if word got back to her parents, they’d find a way to keep her out of college. They’d find a way to lock her in her room and away from Lexa forever. 

“I don’t know…” Clarke pursed her lips together, trying to push the happy images from her mind. Her only goal was getting out of their town so she could finally be with Lexa and her parents wouldn’t be able to stop her. 

“Nevermind..” Lexa cleared her throat and tossed the clump of grass she had pulled out next to her. “It was a stupid idea, forget I mentioned it.”

Clarke saw a few red splotches appear on Lexa’s cheeks. It had been hard for Lexa to ask her about prom. She knew the risks just like Clarke did. Maybe it wouldn’t matter once it was time for prom. 

“No, no. Don’t say that. It’s not stupid.” Clarke took both of Lexa’s hands and waited until her girlfriend looked up and locked eyes with her. “I want to go to prom with you. I just don’t want to risk our future for one night. You know what my mom is capable of and I don’t want her fucking this up for us.” 

Lexa relaxed a little as Clarke spoke. She wasn’t shooting down Lexa’s idea, she just wanted to be safe about what they did while they were still in town.

“Let’s say if we think it seems like a good idea at the time we do it. If not, we have our own afterparty on prom night.” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

Lexa laughed and Clarke watched the rest of her hesitation melt away. 

“Deal.” Lexa reached over and kissed Clarke. “But I’m getting you flowers either way.” 

Clarke smiled against Lexa’s lips. “Deal.”

[travllingbunny]

The 100: 7x03 False Gods

Although I liked this episode less than the first two episodes of season 7, which were great, especially 7x02. I quite enjoyed False Gods for what it was. This seems to be an unpopular opinion in the fandom, which mostly hated it for what it wasn’t. And I get it - Bellamy has been missing for almost 3 episodes (even though it’s not even been 2 days since he left Sanctum), Clarke took a back seat here, and the new SciFi Anomaly storyline is far more interesting than the power struggles in Sanctum. Plus the A plot of this episode was problem-of-the-week, another potential nuclear meltdown - of a reactor we didn’t even know about before. 

it feels like a setup/breather before we get to the real story. Yes, it's high time the storylines finally converge and Clarke and the others learn that Bellamy and others are missing, and get involved in the Anomaly plot. I guess I’m more patient than most, and it helped that I already knew this would only happen in the next episode.The biggest problem of this episode is probably that it didn’t address what was happening in the other storyline, for the benefit of all the viewers who are watching this weekly, don’t necessarily think about the show’s timeline and aren’t aware of the fact that it’s been a little over one day since Bellamy, Octavia, Echo and Gabriel went to research the Anomaly Stone, that there’s absolutely nothing surprising about the fact they haven’t come back yet (people were absent for similar periods of time in season 6 even when they went to a less distant location), that there is no reason whatsoever for Clarke and others to think that there are any other threats on the moon or any other humans outside Sanctum, and that there are no radio signals or mobile phones they could use to call them before they get back. And that, if she doesn’t have reasons to think Bellamy is in danger, it’s not OOC at all for Clarke to not be whining about the fact that he left with his girlfriend, his sister and Gabriel to do research instead of stay and help her as a co-leader in Sanctum, while she is also grieving her mom... Actually, you know what, I do have a problem with people criticizing Clarke for that. But I do see why a mention would help the viewers get a sense of coherence, that both this and the previous episode belong to the same story.

But at the same time, this episode delivered some of the things many fans have been saying they wanted to see: it was focused on the characters who have been there from season 1, Raven and Murphy (and Emori, who has been there since season 2 and has had the most long-lasting relationship in the show), it gave Raven an arc and character development and put her in the situation to make “impossible choices” and understand how Clarke has felt so many times (something that many were asking for after her season 6 characterization), it, put an end to Madi being a Commander, and let Clarke grieve for the loss of her mother for another episode.

Raven's storyline was still really engaging and the scenes in the reactor intense. And damn it, I liked Hatch, even though he was in just two episodes and a few scenes. He stole the show and made me really sad when I realized he was definitely doomed. I knew from the trailer that Nikki would beat the crap out of Raven, but I didn't know why. A lot of people thought Nikki would just be a straight-up villain like McCreary, but instead, she's given a good reason to feel the way she does. And it was high time the show addressed the fact that the Eligius prisoners are looked down on as second class people or barely people. Sure, they are murderers and thieves and not nice people, but that doesn’t make it OK to see them as barely human, as Eligius Corporation did when they were going to leave them to die as expendable.

This is probably leading to the friendship between Raven and Clarke getting stronger again. Other things this episode seemed to be setting up: 

future conflicts in Sanctum: SheidhedaRussell (SheidRussell? RussellHeda?) getting more control, while Clarke and others have no idea about who he really is, while the Eligius prisoners are going to be led by a very angry Nikki;

Clarke has a continuation of her story from 7x01 and gets a kind of closure to her grief over her mother. She gets to say that she cannot lose anyone else, a very obvious setup for learning about Bellamy’s  (and others’) disappearance. At first, this made me roll my eyes a little bit - it’s not like this is a new motivation for Clarke. She is always trying to save her people, and anyone who isn’t aware how important Bellamy is to her, has not been paying attention. But then it struck me - the show was doing extra work to set up Clarke being ready to leave Madi in Sanctum without looking like a ‘bad mother’  - and for that purpose, she now 1) knows Madi is not a Heda anymore and can breathe a sign of relief that Madi can be a normal kid now, 2) has no idea about Sheidheda, and 3) has started to trust Gaia enough as someone who could take care of Madi.

This time it’s Luisa's voice saying "Previously". It looks like they're having a different cast member say it at the start of each episode (Eliza in 7x01, Marie in 7x02).

James wasn’t losing any time, did he. It’s been just a little over a day since they came from the ship, and he’s already hooking up with a girl from Sanctum. And the show really did the horror trope of a couple that goes to a secluded place to hook up and dies. 

There is a nuclear reactor in Sanctum? We go to another planet moon, and again the same problems, just as Indra said.

The opening titles ended with a new shot of the mansion and the grave next to it - this is presumably what Abby’s grave will look in the future. At the moment, it’s a heap of rocks with flowers over them. (Maybe it's meant to be Kane's, too - they don't have either of their bodies, though Abby did die on Sanctum and they could at least bury her clothes.) Contrary to what many fans thought, Clarke burying Jake’s ring was not Abby’s “funeral” - the funeral had already been held, so the answer to the often asked question “why weren’t Madi, Raven, Jackson, Murphy etc. there", is - they were, when the funeral was held. Clarke just went later, alone, to bury the ring, the remembrance of both her parents. With the grave being so close to the mansion, Gaia saw Clarke coming to bury the ring and then came to talk and bury the Flame. 

It’s good that Clarke has another confidante/budding friendship, someone to talk to in her increasingly small circle. But I’m not sure that Clarke and Gaia managed to connect that much over grief - because losing a parent and losing your religion are very different kinds of loss. Clarke doesn’t even have a religion and doesn’t have that kind of experience.

I love the way the show acknowledged that everyone knows Clarke will always be the first one to risk her life to save everyone - and Murphy knows it. But the plot mechanics ket Clarke away from this storyline (because Murphy and Emori had have it) - Indra said Calrke had her hands full with Russell’s execution, even though it wasn’t clear why she’d have to be the one to organize it (especially since Indra herself seems to be capable of dealing with the politics) and Clarke didn’t look too busy the rest of the episode.

I’m glad we’re done with the plot of Madi being Heda or having to pretend to be Heda. Although I’m sure this will haunt her still, because she has memories of other Commanders - including Becca and Sheidheda, and she may find it the easiest to recognize SH, because she knows him better than anyone.  

I completely understand why Clarke wasn’t going to let Madi order Wonkru members to perform such a dangerous task - she doesn’t want to let Madi feel responsible for sending people to their deaths, feel the same guilt she did, but at an even younger age.

Gaia telling the truth both was and wasn’t the right thing to do - morally right, but with potentially terrible consequences, if no welders had been found. Here’s a song for her by one of my favorite bands. On the other hand, Raven lied to people in the name of necessity and the greater good of them all, and achieved her goal but ended up sending people to their deaths, and felt the consequences of lying.

One revelation I really liked is that the guy from Sangedakru thinks of the infamous Dark Commander as “Sangedakru’s greatest champion”. That feels a lot more realistic than the idea that all Grounders hate him and think of him as a monster - even though their culture is based on war and killing, and we’ve seen other Grounder leaders (Queen Nia) be just as ruthless. Sheidheda being from another clan helps makes sense of Indra’s story from 6x13 of the time SH “took Trikru” and was going from village to village and killing everyone who refused to kneel. I’ve been wondering for a long time what exactly Heda were commanding before Lexa united the clans. I suppose they were trying to command, but clans were still divided and preferred Hedas from their own. And it seems that Sheidheda was also trying to ‘unite’ the clans, but not by negotiations! Of course he is considered a monster by people from all the other clans, whom he was killing and torturing and trying to conquer, but is still remembered as a hero by his own clan. Of course. That’s how it usually goes.

Small moments of Sheidheda enjoying the fact he’s corporeal again - from touching his own arms to eating a cookie - are a nice touch.

I like the fact that Sheidheda is smart and much sneakier than the pompous Russell was. He had to be smart to be able to manipulate the AI in the way no other Commander could, not even Becca, its creator, ti isolate the other Commanders, get control of Madi, and later download himself to Russell’s mind drive. SH was also using the captivity to read some of the books he’s found and apparently gain some technical knowledge about Sanctum,

Delilah’s parents are finally back. I don’t think we had seen them since they killed Priya. And Trey (the annoying  “adjustor” who was brainwashing Jordan) can go f(ck himself. Really? Blaming Delilah’s parents for avenging her death?

I’m still unsure where exactly the show is going with Jordan. His brainwashing will have to be addressed at some point. It may not have been fully successful - he doesn’t think of the Primes as gods - but it was sure enough for him to stop despising them as murderers and to start believing their BS (and even to form some sort of attachment to Priya). If he weren’t brainwashed, he’d be spending time with Delilah’s grieving parents, rather than the people who worship her murderers. Right now, the show is playing it ambiguously, so some people may even forget about brainwashing and just see Jordan as a gullible naive guy (which he is, of course, he grew up just interacting with his parents) or as Jordan sees himself, as a moral compass/substitute for his father. Someone should tell him that Monty was never naive and knew when it was necessary to fight and kill, even though he hated it and tried to avoid it. Maybe realizing that he’s been manipulated by the Devout and by SH will be a wake-up call. 

Jackson has had more character focus in S7 than he had for seasons - the mild doctor now wants revenge for his mentor-mother figure. Good to see more focus on his and Miller’s relationship, including their arguments. What Jackson said about Miller seems to have hurt Miller, who’s still feeling guilty for his role in the Blodreina regime. Maybe this Mackson disagreement contributes to Miller deciding to leave, to prove something to himself, and save Bellamy this time, since he didn’t do it in season 5.

Memori continue to be adorable. and we learn that Raven having no respect for her friends’ privacy is a recurring thing. Another snippet about the life on the Ring.

There was one line that didn’t make sense to me. Raven to Murphy: “Go do your job, be Emori’s moral anchor”. What?! Isn’t it usually the exact opposite? 

Speaking of couples - Hatch called Nikki “Honey bunny”. That has to be a Pulp Fiction reference. Raven got the job done here, but I feel like Hatch’s death will have dire consequences for the possibility of peace in Sanctum. Both because he was the more optimistic and tolerant one, willing to expect good and to try to work to earn respect, and because Nikki is now going to be even angrier and more extreme. And just like we had different views about Sheidheda among the Grounders, here we see different views among prisoners about McCreary - Hatch calls him a jackass he won’t miss, but Nikki thinks he would have fought for the rights and better treatment of the prisoners. (I wonder what any of them have been told about Diyoza.)

“Welcome to the world of grey”

A few more words about Raven’s storyline -

One thing that bothers me about this storyline is the idea that this is the first time Raven is in the "world of grey". I guess the writing staff Murphy doesn't remember that time when she tried to give him to the Grounders to be tortured and killed in Finn's place for a crime Finn committed. She also tried to get Clarke to kill Lexa and start a war over Finn in that same episode, basically to sacrifice a bunch of people for him. There was also that time when she tortured Lincoln with electric shocks to save Finn. Or that time when she was withholding medicine from the dying people, including a dying child, because of rationing. Or the time when she was ready to turn the plug on 283 prisoners in cryo sleep. Or when she gave Echo an OK to kill Shaw, her ally, in season 5.

But all this got forgotten because she's never before had to deal with the consequences of her actions. Lincoln didn't die, the others stopped her from turning over Murphy and Finn gave himself up, Clarke opted to mercy kill Finn and do what's best for everyone instead, Murphy stole the meds and gave them to Abby so the child was given the medicine but died anyway, they didn't have to - and then couldn't - kill the prisoners in their sleep, Echo did not kill Shaw... 

There were also plenty of times when Raven gave others the responsibility - like when she decided Clarke needed to make the list of 100 people who'll get to survive Praimfaya in the Arkadia as shelter (while passively aggressively bashing her at the same time, which was weird: "I'm in charge of rationing, but deciding who lives or dies is your specialty"), and then Clarke got blamed for it.U

Now, the writers (going by Jason's recent interview where he said that Raven had never done anything morally wrong in the first 6 seasons) seem to have forgotten about it - which I guess is why they wrote her as a self-righteous moralizer in season 6 - unintentionally making her really hypocritical. Which I hated, because she used to be one of my favorite characters, but became quite hard to like in season 6. 

The way I see it, it’s best to ignore ridiculous BTS statements of the writers when those statements don’t match canon. I’m all for “Death of the Author” in that case, at least. If we just ignore it, Raven’t entire arc starts making more sense. Maybe they had some weird idea that they were writing her as the moral compass of the show in season 6 (but people who have acted as a moral compass usually don’t say things like “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life!” and refuse to acknowledge their own mistakes), but I’ve always interpreted Raven’s behavior in S6 as lashing out - she was hurting and lashing out, because she had been betrayed by her substitute mom Abby in the same way and for the same reasons as her real mom; she also felt betrayed by Clarke; and then she lost Shaw, the one person who would have put her first, so she felt she had no one left who would. (Though she did get better later in the season, making up with Abby, acting less judgmental and making up with Clarke. )

This is either the show course-correcting her earlier characterization, or fixing a long-standing flaw - Raven’s tendency to be harsh and judgmental to others, which had already been there before season 6. This was seen in this episode, too, from some of her disparaging comments to Murphy, to her contempt for the Eligius prisoners (not that this isn’t understandable, with the fact that she had been tortured by McCreary’s men).

So this feels like an important step in Raven starting to face the world of grey she often tried to see as black and white, and for once be in a situation where she has, almost directly, caused people’s deaths, by decisions she made on her own. 

(The show also seems to be course-correcting a few other things about Raven: she looks more like her old self, she has gotten back some of her snark, and the show is showing her disability more - after having largely ignored it for the last couple of seasons.) 

To be fair to Raven, she did not know from the start that she was sending Hatch and others to their deaths. She had assumed at first that the task would be dangerous, but not lethal. When she realized it was, the men were already irradiated, and it was necessary to fix the reactor so it would not kill everyone. The bigger problem was that Raven had lied - because she did not respect these people enough to give them an opportunity to maybe volunteer while knowing what the danger was. I think that Hatch, at least, still would have. He did prove smarter than she thought but realizing what was going on, while she was still lying to them that they weren’t going to die in minutes, and, contrary to what she had assumed - he did still want to fix the reactor, in spite of knowing he’d die, to save someone he loved. Raven also showed a similar disrespect towards Murphy - locking him inside to get the job done. It feels like this is something that has never been fully resolved between them - the fact that Murphy was a POS in season 1 and crippled Raven, but also, that she was fully prepared to give him to the Grounders to be tortured and killed in Finn’s place. I feel like this is going to make her start thinking differently and maybe give people the benefit of a doubt.

I knew Nikki was going to beat the crap out of Raven from the trailer, but I didn’t know what her reasons would be. It felt like Raven herself almost wanted this as punishment, because she felt guilty, and would rather take a beating than comfort (”Don’t touch me!”) And I’m sure Raven can understand how Nikki feels, since she has lost Shaw so recently, and Finn before. 

I liked Hatch’s conversation with Murphy and the parallels Murphy could see there - Hatch and Nikki were another Bonnie and Clyde-style thief or rather robber duo.... except it went too far and they became murderers. Which Memori were not... but Murphy was a murderer even in season 1. In season 6, Murphy died and thought he had gone to hell for his sins, so it must have resonated with him when Hatch replied that, no, he wasn’t looking for redemption, because “There is no making up for it”.

Body count: James (RIP to yet another Arker from Wonkru, though we first met him in 6x02), his Sanctum girlfriend, and 4 Eligius prisoners including Hatch (which means that 32 remain).

Rating: 7/10

[blogger360ncislarules]

For the first and last time simultaneously, The 100 actually gave its main characters a (sort of) happy ending.

By the end of the series finale, "The Last War," Clarke (Eliza Taylor), Raven (Lindsey Morgan), Murphy (Richard Harmon), and the rest of the (few) remaining juvenile delinquents who were sent down to Earth in the very first episode finally found themselves together, alive, and with no more wars to fight. As the music swelled in the background, everyone hugged and smiled. But since this is The 100, that "happy ending" also included the rest of the human race basically ceasing to exist. This show still has to stay on brand!

So how did we get here? Clarke killed Cadogan (John Pyper-Ferguson) while he was taking the "test" to see if the human race was ready for transcendence (aka the next step of evolution/joining a higher state of consciousness), and the test couldn't be stopped once it started. So the judge of the test, who was in the form of Cadogan's daughter Callie (Iola Evans, reprising her role from the prequel episode), changed into the person Clarke loved the most: Lexa (Alycia Debnam-Carey). Clarke was then forced to finish the test on behalf of the human race to save them from extinction, but since she murdered someone during the test, the Lexa avatar told her that she failed.

With the human race on the verge of being wiped out as a result, Raven stepped in to appeal the decision as the judge changed into who she loved the most: Abby (Paige Turco). And with Octavia (Marie Avgeropoulos) giving an inspirational speech to the warring Grounders and Disciples, stopping the battle before it ended in massive losses, the judge decided the human race was ready, and reversed its decision and all humans transcended, meaning everyone became golden beams of light and found peace. Only the living could transcend, and so that meant even Madi (Lola Flannery) could get her happy ending despite what Cadogan did to her in the previous episode. In a cruel twist of fate, it also meant that Bellamy (Bob Morley), the only member of the 100 who actually believed in transcendence and who died at Clarke's hands just a few episodes ago, did not get to transcend.

The other person who couldn't transcend? Clarke. Because she had failed the test, and to show that her actions have consequences, she was left behind on an abandoned planet. All alone, facing the rest of her life without any other human beings to keep her company, she used the stones to travel back to Earth to make a new, lonely life for herself. But the Lexa avatar returned to explain that people have the choice of whether or not they transcend, and all her friends chose to stay behind on Earth with her so she wouldn't be alone. It meant they wouldn't be able to have any kids (because they're the last of the human race) and they would only have each other for the rest of their lives and they couldn't transcend after they die, but they were alive, together, and finally able to live in peace. They all decided that exchange was worth it for Clarke.

So before trading the last "may we meet again" now that the show is over, let The 100 creator Jason Rothenberg (who made his directorial debut with the series finale) breaks down what that ending means, why he wanted to end the show that way, all those shocking character returns, and more below.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What were you trying to say with that ending, as all our favorite characters choose to stay on Earth with Clarke instead of transcending?

JASON ROTHENBERG: We wanted the moral of the story to be, simply stated, "Until we stop fighting, we're doomed." Until we stop killing each other in the name of country or tribe or even family, we're doomed to keep repeating that cycle of violence. And once we do and we link arms and we realize we're all in this together, then we can get to whatever comes next. In this case, it's transcendence. That was the moral of the story. Clarke doesn't get the gift of transcendence because of her actions; her actions have a cost, as the Lexa avatar said to her on the beach. Like Moses not getting to go into the promised land, she's going to be alone – until she sees her friends. We thought that it was the most beautiful way to say found family is important. They know that Clarke sacrificed so much for them, gave up so much of herself for them, that they were not going to let her be by herself. They are foregoing whatever transcendence is, they're giving that up to be together. As dark as the show has been at times, I feel like the ending – and I always say I was not trying to make people feel good most of the time and the show is not a show that was supposed to bring you joy, it's supposed to move you and make you feel sad or angry even – but here we were definitely aiming for people walking away feeling uplifted.

Why have all the main characters make that choice except for Clarke's daughter Madi?

Lexa on the beach, she says that Madi knew that Clarke would not want her to come back and be the only child. They're not going to have children, this is the last generation, they can't have offspring. And so, as a mother, Clarke would have obviously preferred for her daughter to transcend and go to whatever the next journey/adventure/whatever it is, it's obviously something special and unique and beautiful, as opposed to staying on the ground with her. That choice was made easier for Madi by the fact that Clarke wasn't going to be alone.

Was this always your original idea for how to end the show?

I can't really remember that we ever had the details of an ending. I always wanted to have it have the moral of the story be told, which is what I just told you. So however that was going to manifest, that was going to be the takeaway. And of course, as the world expanded and we went to another planet and we met other characters and we started exploring the universe via the interstellar subway system of the stones, the details of how we got there obviously changed. But the point was always going to be that.

Now let’s talk about some of the returning faces we saw in the finale – Lexa, Abby, and Callie. Did you always know you were going to have them come back for cameos?

It happened organically, for sure. Once we settled on what the rules of the test were, the idea that the judge takes the form of a person's greatest love, greatest teacher, or greatest enemy, then it became clear that it was going to be Callie for Cadogan, Lexa was my first choice for Clarke, and fortunately, Alycia agreed to come back and do it, and Abby obviously would've been for Clarke as well if Alycia hadn't agreed to come back. But it also made perfect sense that when we knew Raven was going to be the one to come in and appeal the verdict once Clarke failed, that relationship was so important to Raven that there was a beauty to that being her person too. The decisions were dictated by who was going to face the judges and what the rules of the test are.

Were there any other characters you wanted back for the finale as well but it didn’t work out because of scheduling or other issues?

When we landed on what the rules were, it was about who those special people would be. We'd already played Dad [Chris Browning], we already had Monty [Christopher Larkin] come back in a really special way, we'd already played a few of those cards in a previous season. So no, there was never anybody that we wanted to come back and didn't come back.

What about Bellamy? After his shocking death a few episodes back, did you ever consider having him back in the finale as well?

For me, it was Lexa all the way. When that idea came up in the room, it was one of those moments where, it doesn't happen very often, there was unanimity of excitement. Then it was about getting her to agree to come back. And we couldn't have Bellamy return in the end, because the rules of transcendence were only the living shall transcend. And so, unfortunately, he died short of that finish line, so he couldn't be there in the end, which is another tragic realization for Octavia certainly in the finale.

So why did you want to kill Bellamy in the way that you did when the show was so close to giving all the characters some kind of a happy ending?

Bellamy's storyline changed hugely this season as a result of needing to give Bob time at the beginning of the season. Everything kind of downhill was affected by that, including the ending. You want the decisions to always be driven creatively, and certainly when it comes to character deaths. Sometimes unfortunately though we have to react to situations outside of the writing, outside of the creative. That's not necessarily the case for him, but definitely, over the course of seven years, lots of characters died, and sometimes it was out of our control and we made the best of it.

Now that The 100 is over, do you have any updates on the potential prequel series?

All I can really say about the prequel is that conversations are ongoing. I'm hoping to be able to continue this universe because I feel like it's so rich and there is so much story to tell. But the discussions are far, far above my pay grade at the moment. The same day you find out is when I’ll find out.

Where do you see Clarke and co. going in the future now that they’ve all reunited on Earth and are starting a new life for themselves?

We're leaving them together, making that choice to stay together and live out their days peacefully. There's no one left to fight with. Jokingly, I suppose I could see like 70-year-old Murphy and 70-year-old Clarke are in like a blood feud and everybody else is lined up one one side or the other, except they're too old to really do any damage to each other. [Laughs] But truthfully the ending is supposed to imply that it's not happily ever after, but it's certainly peacefully ever after.

What are you most proud of, looking back on the entire series?

The legacy of the show, that we were bold, we pulled no punches, we told big stories, we had kickass female characters, and one of the most diverse casts on television. I'm proud that the show will exist and that people can discover it now in streaming. Hopefully, when it's consumed in a binge all at once, some of the things that perhaps didn't work for people will work better for the audience as they're coming to it consuming the entire series in two weeks rather than over seven years. It's bittersweet to come to the ending of something that has occupied such a huge part of my life for as long as the show has. It's been a long ride, we rode it to the end, and that's great but it's sad at the same time.

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

The Master List of the Fall 2k19 Chopped: The 100 Fanfic Challenge!

Thanks so much to everyone who participated in this second run of our Chopped Challenge! We are so excited that this fun little idea that we got from @chants-de-lune took off and was such a success (TWICE)! We had someone write their first ever fic for us this time, which is just insane, and we had so many creative and exciting fics that were a thrill to read. We hope you guys had as much fun writing and reading these fics as we did, and we hope you’ll join us if we decide to give this another go in the future! Enjoy these fics, and a big thanks again from both of us! @thelittlefanpire @dylanobrienisbatman

The Master List of the Spring 2k19 Challenge can be found here!

Round 1: Canon Divergence Fics

Tropes:

1. Somebody lives...or somebody dies

2. Sunsets

3. Protectiveness

4. A dichotomy

small dot among infinite stars (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] @kindclaws

Dante is painting in his office when they enter, his movements carrying the gentle tremble of old age. Doesn’t even look up when the door shuts behind them, just says hello in that wispy, scratchy old man voice and keeps staring at his canvas.

“We’ve got some bad news,” Clarke says, steeling herself.

“You are bad news,” Dante says. Underneath the agreeable tone there is something bitter and curdling. Dante may have pulled the trigger that stopped Cage Wallace, but Clarke isn’t surprised that he blames them for it.

“The world is ending again,” Bellamy says.

“Unfortunate that it likes to do that,” Dante says. When he keeps painting, Clarke fantasizes about taking the paintbrush and stabbing him with it.

- or, Dante Wallace shoots his son. Clarke doesn’t irradiate Mount Weather. Months later, ALIE warns her a nuclear winter is coming, and suddenly, that act of mercy means everything.

1st Place Best Overall, 1st Place Canon Divergence Theme, 1st Place Somebody Lives/Dies Trope, 1st Place Protectiveness Trope, 3rd Place Sunsets Trope, 1st Place Dichotomy Trope Winner

can we pretend? (Rated T) [Clarke/Murphy] @probably-voldemort

Murphy’s not exactly sure how he went from laying low to fake dating Clarke so they have an excuse for sneaking around Mount Weather, but that seems to be where his life is at right now.

3rd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Tie Dichotomy Trope, 3rd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner

your voice is like a ghost inside my head (Rated T) [Bellamy & Octavia] @loveislarryislove

“I bear it so they don’t have to,” Clarke said when she left. But Bellamy has to.

~*~*~

“How do you bear it?” Bellamy asks.

“What?”

“You were there too,” Bellamy says. “You helped us. We pulled the trigger, but you put the weapon in our hands. Don’t you feel…” He doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. He doesn’t know how Monty feels. Only that it doesn’t seem to be a fraction of what he’s feeling. Or if it is, he hides it better.

Monty is quiet for a long time. “I guess,” he says at last, “I just figure… we do what we have to. And then… we have to keep moving. Keep living. Because otherwise, what was it all for?” He shrugs, though it feels like his shoulders are heavy with it. “I did what I did. You did what you did. Now we’re here.”

Here. Monty says it like it’s simple. We’re here. But Bellamy has never felt more lost.

3rd Place Somebody Lives/Dies Trope, 2nd Place Proctectiveness Trope Winner

Survival Instinct (Rated T)  [Clarke & Murphy] @justbecauseyoubelievesomething

The sunset was a deeper red than she remembered, as if Praimfaya had reached out into space and curled its fiery fingers around the sun itself. Clarke shivered despite herself and realized that it was cold. The sun was going down and she was alone on a radiation-soaked planet. Alone and alive.

“Murphy.” The name left her lips involuntarily. And then she was running away from the lab before her brain caught up. If the nightblood worked and she survived, Murphy survived too.

Not alone.

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Sunsets Trope, 2nd Place Tie Dichotomy Trope, 3rd Place Best Platonic Relationship Winner

the brave not broken girl (Rated T) [Raven & Anya] @dylanobrienisbatman

Raven wakes up dazed and incoherent, and then she wakes up again, and finds herself in Mt. Weather. But an extremely ill man, a little detective work… and some vomit.. put her on the path to trying to save the grounders trapped in the mountain. All she has to do is get Anya to Lexa.

3rd Place Tie Protectiveness Trope, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Pairing Winner

Turning of the Tides (Rated G) [Clarke & Anya] @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

So much of Clarke’s life since landing on Earth has not gone according to plan. Most recently? Being captured by the Mountain and not being able to rescue her friends to escape with her. Least planned of all though is the unlikely partnership she forms with Anya kom Trikru. Grounder Princess versus Sky People Princess. They form a tentative alliance after proving themselves to each other, but then that’s when things continue to derail. When Anya is shot, Clarke has to scramble to keep their tentative truce alive (as well as Anya), so that they can take on the mountain.

Baptism//Resurrection (Rated T) [Echo & Roan] @kuklash

If the last moments of the final conclave had gone differently.

This is the first fic I’ve ever written, so any notes, comments, etc. would be appreciated!

3rd Place Dichotomy Trope, 2nd Place Best Platonic Relationship Winner

The Last Living Tree (Rated T) [Jasper/Monty] @kinetic-elaboration

He rubs at his eyes with the back of his fist, stifles a yawn, and forces himself to focus on the blurry object above, until the last scrim of sleep has been blinked away and he sees it, at least, clear. A little drone, hovering in the air over their bed.

3rd Place Canon Divergence Theme, 2nd Place Somebody Lives/Dies Trope, 1st Place Sunsets Trope Winner

tangerine skies and cherry earth (Rated T) [Murphy & Luna] @ hopskipaway

Survival has always been the word John Murphy lives his life by. He thought that this would have given him an advantage when the end of the world came and flipped their lives upside down.

Turns out, like with most things, he was wrong.

1st Place Most Unique Pairing Winner

Just say you love me (Rated G) [Jasper & Monty] @raven-reyes-of-sunshine

Monty finds Jasper when he's only drunk half the tea.

3rd Place Tie Protectiveness Trope, 1st Place Best Platonic Relationship Winner

Bunker Down (Rated G) [Monty/Harper] @hostagetakerandhistraitor

Monty, Harper, Murphy, Emori, and Miller set out to Polis in hopes of finding a bunker to shelter humanity from Praimfaya. Takes place midseason 4.

a civil twilight (Rated T) [Clarke/Bellamy/Josephine/Gabriel] @thelittlefanpire

“It’s funny how your deepest fears can be your deepest desires, too,” the words fall from Clarke’s lips, but it’s not Clarke who speaks them. The voice is airy and lighter than Clarke’s normal cadence.

“Josephine?” Clarke asks aloud. Her throat feels scratchy, but her voice works. Everything comes rushing forward as her body heals and her mind snaps back into focus.

“Ah, just in time for a Sanctum sunset, my love,” Josephine croons towards Gabriel. The hand Clarke wanted to use to comfort Bellamy, reaches out for Gabriel’s arm instead. Her body pulls away from where she was sitting between Bellamy’s legs.

“Jo—,” Gabriel’s voice breaks as he reaches for her face. He cradles Clarke’s head between his large brown hands. He’s soft and gentle, holding her like she might dissolve into smoke.

“How the hell is this possible?” Bellamy’s voice is loud in her ear, right behind her. Clarke pulls away easily from the other man to look back at him.

final journey to the ground (Rated T) [Lincoln & Bellamy] @shen-gong-oops

Bellamy Blake is sent to Earth a little over a year before one hundred delinquents who inadvertently start a war.

2nd Place Canon Divergence Theme, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Pairing Winner

oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do (Rated G) [Linctavia, Octavia & Bellamy] @queen--sansastark

“You shot him?”

“Not fatally, but it was a good distraction.”

“You’re developing quite the habit.”

“I guess I have."

What if Bellamy had made the right choice back in season 3?

———

Round 2: Canon Speculation Fics

Tropes:

1. One character is a ghost

2. Joke kiss turns serious

3. A character is eavesdropping, and their presence is revealed 

4. Characters struggling to talk because they’re crying or laughing

i will take your pain (and put it on my heart) (Rated T) [Clarke/Murphy] @probably-voldemort

Clarke didn't completely know how comas worked, but she was pretty Murphy's ghost showing up in her living room wasn't normal.

4th Place Tie Best Overall, 1st Place Most Unique Speculation Winner

no one calls you honey (when you're sitting on a throne) (Rated T) [Clarke/Raven] @kindclaws

“It would have been easier if you died in Praimfaya,” Raven confesses, when it is dark and no one is supposed to awake.

Clarke hears.

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Canon Speculation Theme, 3rd Place Ghost Trope, 1st Place Eavesdropping Trope, 2nd Place Struggling to Talk Trope, 3rd Place Most Unique Pairing, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Speculation Winner

Why Can't I Get Just One Kiss? (Rated T) [Raven/Wick, Jasper/Raven] @kuklash

Jasper tumbled through the shelf behind Raven with as much grace as one could expect of an alcoholic three bottles deep.

“Oh, shit,” Jasper slurred. “You guys continue on with your extremely private conversation. I’ll just keep looking for booze.”

Raven, face red with anger and embarrassment, turned to face Jasper.

“Jasper! You idiot! Why didn’t you say something to let me know you were here?!” Raven shouted.

Wick, exacerbated, rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath.

Raven turned towards him, enraged.

“Do you want to repeat that?”

“Oh, that’s a trap, dude,” Jasper murmured.

5th Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Kiss Trope, 3rd Place Eavesdropping Trope, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Speculation Winner

snow faintly falling through the universe (Rated T) [Echo/Roan, Bellamy/Raven, Bellamy/Echo] @justbecauseyoubelievesomething

The floor under her bare toes suddenly feels too cold. Once, after her cover was blown, she was forced to run three miles in the utter blackness of a winter night, without the chance to grab her boots and cloak first. It took many hours for the feeling to come back to her iced over feet by the time she was able to find safe shelter. Now the cold seeps up through the soles of her feet in the same way, chill spreading through every bone in her body.

“My king, forgive me…”

“Echo kom Azgeda. Will you die for your king?”

She trembles, swaying back and forth just enough so that her forehead bumps the window with each movement. “If you would give me more time… a chance to die fighting again…”

He is gone almost before the words have left her mouth. She wishes with all her heart that she could cry again, but the tears simply won’t fall. The pain merely coils into a knot low in her stomach and waits.

1st Place Best Overall, 1st Place Canon Speculation Theme, 1st Place Ghost Trope, 1st Place Kiss Trope, 2nd Place Eavesdropping Trope, 1st Place Struggling to Talk Trope Winner

When the Map Runs Out (Rated T) [Clarke/Echo] @kinetic-elaboration

In a cabin on the edge of a small Azgedan village, on the shortest day of the year, Clarke and Echo play a game of truth or dare.

3rd Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Struggling to Talk Trope, 1st Place Most Unique Pairing Winner

the hundred (Rated T) [the delinquents & hope, s7 spec] @thelittlefanpire

One hundred juvenile delinquents were sent to Earth to see if it was survivable. The fate of humanity depended on their success.

As the green smoke of the Anomaly settled, Bellamy Blake had a feeling that he was a long way away from where he was supposed to be. But the Universe had a way to set him back on the right path.

All Bellamy had to do was gather up the hundred.

3rd Place Canon Speculation Theme Winner

An ode to the last child on earth (Rated T) [madi & madi’s parents, pre-canon] @shen-gong-oops

“They spent so long trying to prevent losing Madi that they never anticipated Madi losing them.”

A brief take on Madi’s life prior to Pramfiya

4th Place Tie Best Overall, 2nd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner

stop staring straight through me (Rated G) [bellamy/murphy, s7 spec] hopskipaway 

Bellamy Blake had been through enough in his life that he thought a fresh start sounded like exactly what he needed.

What he didn’t expect was his fresh start requiring a great deal of ghosts from his past. Figuratively and literally.

3rd Place Most Unique Speculation Winner

Confetti (Rated G) [costia/lexa, pre-canon] @dylanobrienisbatman

The cold of a blade… and darkness. That’s the last thing she remembers before she wakes to find herself, 5 years old, running into her mother’s arms… and then herself on the day she met lexa… and then… and then…

So… this must be what happens when you die.

2nd Place Ghost Trope, 2nd Place Kiss Trope Winner

———

Round 3: Modernised Canon Fics

Tropes:

1. Magic AU

2. character being all “you expect me to do X?” And then immediately hard cut to character doing X

3. Secret places

4. Sex Pollen/Love Potion/Magical Obession

time cast a spell on you but you won't forget me (Rated M) [Bellamy/Clarke] - @captaindaddykru​

Miss Pramheda’s Orphanage for Extraordinary Girls once flourished, a home to a hundred girls with mysterious gifts. A hundred girls and Bellamy.

That was all before Clarke left. Before Josephine Lightbourne decided she was a better fit to be the Supreme, and Octavia decided to runaway with her warlock boyfriend.

Bellamy decided to stay, take care of remaining girls who had nowhere else to go. They were all orphans after all, like him. It was hard, on his own. Especially considering the coven had no real leadership now. He had no powers. He was no one. Just somebody willing to take care of these girls. On his worst days, he’d remind himself that’s more than they’ve ever had before.

Nowadays, the place is a wasteland. The hallways empty, rooms untouched, furniture collecting dust. A ghost of what it used to be.

Nowadays, there’s less than two dozen girls around. Most of them dead, gone in hiding, or worse.

The last person he expected to show back up at their door was Clarke.

Written for Chopped: The 100 Fanfic Challenge - Round 3: Modernized Canon. A take on Hakeldama.

5th Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Halloween Trope, 2nd Place Best Smut Winner

If It Takes You, Will It Break You? (Rated M) [Bellamy/Clarke] - @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold​ 

Bellamy and Clarke, past classmates who distanced themselves from each other, are two stubborn witches in need of an escape from their homes. They hadn't planned on running into each other, but it seems like fate had other ideas. Their night takes a turn though when after consuming some of Monty and Jasper's jobi nut brownies, they run into an old enemy of Bellamy's. In between hallucinations and fights, they'll discover that old feelings do die hard.

A modernized, magical take on Day Trip for Chopped: The 100 Round 3.

6th Place Best Overall, 1st Place Modernised Canon Theme, 3rd Place Magic Trope, 3rd Place Sex Pollen/Love Potion Trope Winner

the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine) (Rated T) [Murphy/Emori] - @probably-voldemort

John Murphy was going to bring about the apocalypse if it was the last thing he did. And, really, with the apocalypse and all, there was a high chance it would be.

But what a glorious way to go out, with fire and chaos and probably zombies.

That’d teach Bellamy to stop telling him what to do.

3rd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Magic Trope, 3rd Place Hard Cuts Trope, 3rd Place Secret Places Trope, 1st Place Sex Pollen/Love Potion Trope, 1st Place Tie Halloween Trope Winner

when nothing's right, you shine a light (Rated T) [Murphy/Raven] - hopskipaway

He has seen enough horror movies to know this trip will be nothing but trouble; it's a group of friends travelling to stay in a remote house in the woods for Halloween weekend, what could go wrong?

Or; maybe he might find that it is, in fact, possible for something good to happen to John Murphy.

4th Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Tie Modernised Canon Theme, 1st Place Hard Cuts Trope, 2nd Place Secret Places Trope, 2nd Place Halloween Trope, 3rd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner

pulled by the tide (and falling for you) (Rated M) [Bellamy/Clarke] - @thelittlefanpire

After a huge storm, two unlikely companions set out to uncover the lost treasure of a legendary shipwreck. They both have secret motives for the hunt, but the day trip will bring them closer together in unexpected ways.

2nd Place Hard Cuts Trope Winner

Bellamy Blake's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (Rated E) [Bellamy/Clarke] - @shen-gong-oops

He wasn't saying Becca Franco started the zombie apocalypse, but Becca Franco started the zombie apocalypse.

Or the one where Bellamy tries to keep himself and six other people alive during a zombie outbreak. And grumbles about magic.

1st Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Tie Modernised Canon Theme, 1st Place Magic Trope, 1st Place Secret Places Trope, 1st Place Tie Halloween Trope, 3rd Place Best Smut Winner

Exiles (Rated M) [Murphy/Raven] - @kinetic-elaboration

John Murphy didn't kill the girl himself, but he's the reason she's dead. Raven’s heard the story often enough: Arcadia’s only murder, only suicide, only banishment. So when she finds Murphy sitting outside the gate, coughing up fire, she doesn’t feel bad for him at all.

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Modernised Canon Theme, 2nd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner

munuð (Rated E) [Emori/Echo] - @dylanobrienisbatman

When Echo and Emori finally find a group of Hedges willing to offer them a place after the Library takes control, to say they were a little sceptical would be an understatement. They play the roll, but something feels off. When Emori discovers a dark secret, it takes every bit of their wits to get out of it with their lives.

2nd Place Sex Pollen/Love Potion Trope, 1st Place Most Unique Pairing, 1st Place Best Smut Winner

———

Round 4: Championship Fics

Tropes:

1. Reincarnation

2. Soulmates

3. Forehead Touches

4. Free Space

snow white stitching up the circuit boards (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] @kindclaws

"Where have you been? Your soulmate filed a missing person's report."

"I don't really remember anything," Clarke says, and it scares her that it doesn't feel like a lie.

{WAKE UP}

3rd Place Best Overall, 1st Place Most Unique Time Periods, 3rd Place Reincarnation Trope, 3rd Place Soulmates Trope, 2nd Place Free Space Trope Winner

what we feel (started way before we ever touched) (Rated M) [Murphy/Clarke] @probably-voldemort

In every life, they're drawn to the ocean. Again and again, over and over. And in every life, one way or another, the ocean brings them together.

Most Unique Pairing, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Time Periods, 1st Place Reincarnation Trope, 2nd Place Tie Soulmates Trope Winner

Eons With You (Rated G) [Bellamy/Clarke] @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

A simple touch can change someone’s path. Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake circle each other throughout history, their lives intertwined by fate. In some lives they come together easily, in others societal taboos hold them back. And in others, the blame falls on themselves. No matter the obstacles though, destiny has its own plan for them no matter where they are or what era they belong to.

A collection of soulmate vignettes and tales of two people unable to stay apart.

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Time Periods, 2nd Place Tie Soulmates Trope, 2nd Place Forehead Touches Trope Winner

Vera Lynn sang it best (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] @shen-gong-oops

Don’t know when, don’t know where, but I know we’ll meet again some sunny day - We'll Meet Again, Vera Lynn.

Legend says that if you were lucky enough to be born with a soulmate, you’ll never truly die. You and your other half will be reborn countless times. But a person never truly knows if someone was their soulmate. At least, not until the heartbeat on their wrist flat lines.

Guess who is such a mess this week that they deleted their fic because they thought they did it wrong?

1st Place Tie Forehead Touches Trope Winner

light of uncreated fires (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] @justbecauseyoubelievesomething

“How?”

“How what?” he stuttered.

“How do we recognize each other? In every life? In every new body? You said it’s impossible.”

Bellamy stared at her, her eyes still wet and cheeks flushed. “I don’t know.”

3rd Place Most Unique Soulmate Idea, 3rd Place Most Unique Time Periods, 3rd Place Forehead Touches Trope, 3rd Place Free Space Trope Winner

 Compost in Training, Graves Left to Fill (Rated T) [Murphy/Emori] @kuklash

As he unlocked his car, he heard the familiar click of a gun cocking.

“Hi there, stud.” A woman’s voice. “You know, you’re not the person I was planning on robbing tonight, but I guess cash is cash.”

“You aren’t gonna shoot me,” Murphy insisted, as he started to turn around.

It was difficult for Murphy to know which came first; the sound or the pain. The last thing he saw was the girl’s face, unflinching in her brutality, as she leaned over his body to reach his wallet. The last thought Murphy had was of how strikingly beautiful her face tattoo was.

1st Place Most Unique Soulmate Idea, 1st Place Free Space Trope Winner

you open the door to another door to another door to another door to another door and i'm running through to you (Rated T) (Bellamy/Clarke] @captaindaddykru

Murphy is dead-set on causing the apocalypse that finally destroys planet earth once and for all.

If only Clarke Griffin and her fucking soulmate wouldn't throw a wrench in his plans every goddamn time, thank you very much.

1st Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Most Unique Soulmate Idea, 2nd Place Tie Most Unique Time Periods, 2nd Place Reincarnation Trope, 1st Place Soulmates Trope, 1st Place Tie Forehead Touches Trope Winner

The Butterflies (Rated T) [Octavia/Lincoln] @queen--sansastark

It was as though the universe kept trying to tell her something. Every time she felt the butterflies, it was because of him, and him only.

Take a read! Leave a kudos/comment! These fics are so unique and fun and the authors worked so hard on them. Thanks so much!

[beatriceeagle]

@scarletwinterraven asked: Of the shows on my list, what are my favorite ships and why?

ATLA: Zuko/Mai. I wouldn’t have called myself an ATLA shipper, but on my most recent rewatch I found myself really fascinated by the Zuko/Mai dynamic and by Mai as like, a person, generally, and I actually have most of a fic about them written. I just like them both so much individually, and also, there’s something deeply interesting to me about the balancing act that they must have had to perform throughout their adolescence, having a crush around Azula and all that palace intrigue. And can you imagine being Mai, and having a crush on the crown prince once day, and then the next day he’s been banished forever, and his sister is still ostensibly your best friend? And knowing that any amount of emotion you display over that is power that you’re giving her over you? And then he comes back after three years away? I would so desperately love to have seen their reunion scene.

Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Wesley/Lilah. It’s technically an Angel ship, but Angel should really be on the list, anyway and also my GOD I love that ship so much. They were the first couple I ever shipped, which, uh, probably tells you something about me. I don’t want to see them end up together, or anything, I just enjoy them so damn much. Also Willow/Tara of course, but I don’t wanna talk about it.

Community: Britta/Jeff. Also not in an endgame way, more in like an, “I really enjoy every time these two people are paired on screen together” kind of way, but they obviously shouldn’t be together, that would be a trainwreck. (I also thought Britta/Troy was very sweet.)

ER: Carter/Abby. They’re one of my ride-or-die OTPs, and I will NEVER be over the bullshit that show pulled with this ship. She left him for Luka? LUKA? HOW BORING CAN A PERSON POSSIBLY BE?

Farscape: So like. Is it possible to friendship ship people? Like, not in a BroTP way, but like, specifically, there’s a kind of dynamic that I very rarely see in fiction that I can get REALLY into, where two people are best friends who love each other incredibly deeply and want the world for each other, and who have a platonic relationship, but there’s a lot of sexual tension there and they both know it, but it would be an incredibly bad idea to follow through on it, so they don’t, or maybe they do for a while but then they stop, but there is a definite sexual component to the relationship, but ultimately it’s more friendship than anything else, just… complicated by this other thing. I fall head over heels for relationships like that, and in that sense, you could say I “ship” John/Chiana.

Girl Meets World: I am. Sigh. A Lucas/Maya shipper. Don’t look at me.

Legend of Korra: Korrasami, obvs.

Leverage: Hardison/Parker/Eliot TIL MY DYING DAY, BAYBEE.

The Magicians: Quentin/Eliot is still a great ship, and you will pry it from my cold dead hands, motherfuckers.

NMTD/LoLiLo: Pedrazar  :) :) :)

One Day at a Time: Uh, okay, so here’s the thing, I don’t SHIP Penelope/Schneider, but I ABSOLUTELY see the chemistry and I think it’s HYSTERICAL, and because I am secretly, in my heart of hearts, kind of a troll, I’m so excited by the fact that it’s there and the show is getting another season and somehow they’re going to have to deal with it. Does that count?

Parks and Rec: Ben/Leslie are a weird exception to almost everything that I normally ship, but whatever, I love them. Gimme all the wholesome nerds in love and supporting each other.

Schitt’s Creek: I “ship” David/Stevie in all the same ways and for all the same reasons that I do John/Chiana.

Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated: Fred/traps.

Star Trek: Tom/B’Elanna is probably the ship I have loved the most that has ended up being endgame, and I can’t believe that it was on freaking Voyager. There’s something about the way that they are both such incredible disasters, and they are both kind of incredibly hard to be in a relationship with, but also they both try so hard to be there for each other regardless, that really works for me. Every relationship should ideally switch back and forth between insulting each other, sincerely reassuring each other that you’ll be there during times of trouble, and encouraging each other to commit acts of ecoterrorism.

(I’m also really into Picard/Crusher but specifically as a weird, tense, unconsummated thing. Like hell yeah, TNG, show me a future where Picard and Crusher are already divorced. That’s the good stuff!)

Superstore: JONAH/AMY OH MY GOD. These two are a disaster in probably a bad way, but there’s something so real about Superstore, and something so delightful about their chemistry, and again, I’m just such a sucker for people who can’t get their shit together, and like. They had sex for the first time when she was pregnant with her ex-husband’s child? Their life is a series of awkward, undernegotiated attempts to merge their extraordinarily incompatible contexts? I just feel like Jonah/Amy takes the standard trappings of the Mike Schur style grounded soulmate workplace romance and turns it into this slightly sordid, unwholesome, not always good thing, where the fact that they’re opposites who attract and work together leads them to have real problems, like, a lot of the time. But also (because I promise I’m not a complete downer) that relationship just feels so fucking lived in, those people just feel so detailed. The joy they take in each other feels equally real.

Teen Wolf: If you’ve gotten all the way to the bottom of this list, surely you can guess that I am in love with Stiles/Malia. FOR FUCKS SAKE. They lose their virginity to each other in the basement of the mental hospital that they’re both staying in while dealing with their overwhelming trauma. After knowing each other for like five minutes. And then they turn that into a relationship. Those two are in no position to be dating anyone, let alone each other, I love them so much.

As you can see, I find it very difficult to ship like a normal person, and therefore I am perennially frustrated. (Other ships I have loved: Jane/Michael from Jane the Virgin; Clarke/Lexa from The 100; oh, and I wrote what I believe to be the single most popular Tony/Nebula fic in all of Avengers fandom.)

My migraine is getting better, but feel free to keep sending me meta asks!

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The 100 6x07 "Nevermind" Review

Hello fellow watchers! Did y’all breathe a sigh of relief as I did at the end of this episode? And while I’m at it, I'd like to take this moment to say: I LOVE when TV shows address mental and emotional traumas in a physical way in the characters heads. Give me Sherlock mind palace games all freaking day! That said, let's dive into the episode:

Dad, I had the strangest dream...

We pick up exactly where we left off in “Memento Mori”: Jaux!Clarke going to sleep in the real world and real Clarke waking up in her old Ark cell inside her own mind, surrounded by all of her most impactful memories decorating the walls like hipster graffiti art in an Asheville alleyway. She “hears” her memories as she touches them and walks through the exit door, only to stumble into her “sanctuary” (aka the real church she raised Madi in for 6 years) and be greeted by her dead father. Or rather, her memories of her father being animated by her subconscious. He’s all kindness and warmth when he asks her, “What's the last thing you remember?” She realizes with a start “I died” but, as her father points out, she still has a beating heart. As her BFF Bellamy Blake asked once: “Are we still breathing?” as a response to “Is there still hope?” And that beating heart is all Clarke needs to get her survival spark back.

She enters the next door in her mind and is face to face with none other than A.L.I.E. (Welcome back, Erica Cerra! We’ve all missed you...mostly.) A.L.I.E. gives Clarke the 4-1-1 on how she is still able to have her memories and a foothold in her own mind. Of course A.L.I.E. is all like “I tried to save you from this pain” but Clarke still has zero patience for even her memory version of this show’s “Woman in Red”, telling A.L.I.E. “there is no joy without pain.” She does however follow A.L.I.E.’s advice and takes her memory of saving Raven from the chip and hides it. A.L.I.E. also mentions Clarke’s darkest memories, her ‘traumas’ if you will, and how she can’t “let them go”, still being things she just buries rather than face or make peace with. She tells A.L.I.E., her voice littered with confusion, “You say these are my memories but there’s something here I’ve never seen.”

Josephine enters stage left

That something is a rather jolly door, decorated for Christmas, with a mix of music, screaming, and gunshots coming from behind it. Clarke opens the door only to be startled by Ms. Josephine herself, in her original body (I’m assuming in her mind that is how she sees herself) walking through from her memories right into Clarke’s...

She takes a minute to give some fake science facts about how both their minds can share a body, but not forever, so somebody’s gotta vacate Clarke Griffin town...and Josephine doesn’t have a body to return to, talk about an awkward roommate situation. Clarke has suffered and survived too much to just give her body over to Josephine willingly. So a battle of the wits it is.

Josephine gives us some unsettling deeper looks into perfecting the mind wipes — she was “jacked” into people with active minds before, including a six-month-old. Lovely girl. But they weren’t tech-advanced minds like Clarke’s so Josephine needs to know what makes Clarke’s mind so special. I love this kind of expositional dialogue when you are getting much needed information, and the headspace of the speaker, and Josephine is the perfect mix of this. She is ruthless, a sociopath as Clarke calls her, or psychopath — take your pick. She gets Clarke thinking so she can infiltrate her thoughts. Upon seeing Clarke’s ‘cell’ covered in all of her memory sketches, Josephine’s “I rescind my compliment” was a great line. I am a big fan of using Josephine as an audience insert into Clarke’s mind, as well as a way to callback and maybe even “fix” issues from last season’s jumble of plot. Like when she’s inspecting the sketches and reaches the Madi in a shock collar moment from Season 5 her comment of “child abuse dressed up as protection. Cool” made me actually say “ Yasss! Point out that issue from Season 5, queen!”

“Are you hiding a memory from me, Clarke?” She is one crafty B and I am into a Moriarty/Holmes kind of showdown with these two brilliant and dangerous ladies.

Of course it manifests as a physical fight, too. As they are fighting for control over Clarke’s body Clarke goes straight gang fight and slams Josephine’s head in the door jamb over and over until she is “dead” — but this being a mind fight she easily manifests in Clarke’s mind again, ready to fight. Clarke, brave but never dumb, decides running and hiding in her own mind might buy her some time.

The ghosts of choices: past, present, and future

Clarke’s first stop in her memory maze is her most recent bad decision that haunts her daily: leaving Bellamy to die in the fighting pit. But weirdly it’s a projection of Octavia there to guilt and shame her: “I really thought you cared about Bellamy.” The explanation that Octavia gives for Bellamy not being in the memory himself (because Clarke can’t stand the idea of facing him) is both a great idea, and a weak one? Because the deep trauma they’ve been through

TOGETHER would have made Clarke’s memories and reactions so much more emotional and visceral had Bellamy been there talking to her at some point. (If they don’t give Clarke a mind/memory moment with Bellamy this season, they will be wasting the opportunity for cathartic angst between main characters most writers DREAM about.)

Still, Clarke’s desperate tearful pleas of “he forgave me, he understands” was a great moment to reiterate the importance of Bellamy’s forgiveness and what he thinks about Clarke. Josephine’s comment “even your projections hate you Clarke” really hit me in the feels. Clarke hates herself so much that she injects it into how she thinks other people in her life perceive her.  (With Octavia, she’s probably not wrong.)

Clarke runs from her ‘leaving Bellamy’ memory right into the cold arms of her decisions at ‘Mt. Weather’ and the horribly disfigured mind ghost of Maya Vie, one of the shows most true and noble heroes. It was so great to see her back! Though if Jasper or Bellamy had been in Mt. Weather along with her I think the emotional impact would’ve been greater. Still Maya’s snarky yet cutting “too bad I wasn’t in that group, huh?” when Clarke pulls out her classic “my people” line was perfect.

Clarke’s choices have left a lot of dead bodies behind and she has never had the proper time and headspace to deal with the impact those choices have had on her own mind, body, and soul. I’m hoping one good thing that can come out of her being a hostage in her own body is that she will come back having worked through a lot of her issues in her mind and emotions. I mean I can at least dream about this possibility, okay?

Creepy Maya making Clarke realize she’s in control of her thoughts and memories was great. Josephine falling for her trap because she is so used to being in control of the situation was such a nice way to reveal she has weaknesses just like Clarke, hers being extreme hubris.

Clarke saying “Me? I’ll find a way to survive. I always do”  was such a “yassss! That’s my Clarke Griffin!” moment for me.

Also Josephine letting herself get shocked to “death” because she’s bored was such a nice touch to show her level of crazy town.

Finally we get to “that place”, the dark traumatic place Clarke hides her darkest, most hurtful memories: through the airlock she watched her dad get sucked out of and into the woods where the memories of the deaths of her only (so far) romantic partners are hiding. The first one being Finn, literally dying at her own hand because of Lexa! That should’ve been conveyed more, because it makes the fact that she loved and mourned Lexa even more traumatic and dark. But they seem to want to erase all the bad things Lexa did...which makes no sense to me but I digress. And in the lockbox two other deep loves are represented in the video of her dad and Jasper’s goggles. Also I teared up when Josephine tried to get the box open and Clarke finally gives in because she thinks Bellamy has given up the fight, so why shouldn’t she? And she puts in the code 0102 and tells her “you forgot Bellamy and Raven.” Ouch! My delinquent loving heart felt that pain deep. (I miss Season 1 so much sometimes guys!)

“Tell Madi I love her. Tell them all.” Bless her heart she was finally starting to live again and then they stole her and basically forced her to kill herself at gunpoint. But this brings us to my personal favorite cameo and part of the episode:

Hello to my son Monty Green! I love that Monty is the only version of a friend in Clarke’s  memory that isn’t hostile towards her? Or mad at her? Clarke knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that Monty Green loved her dearly and trusted her and Bellamy to take care of his only child. I love that Monty is the manifestation of Clarke’s moral center but also of her self love and problem solving. He’s the motivation to do better for her. And his comment “you call this doing better?” is both sad and satisfying! Leave it to the person who literally saved part of the human race to imprint his way of thinking on to her.

Of course his chat gets her motivated to not go down without a fight. When he offered her his hand...I got a little misty eyed. I miss him so much. Money suggesting entering Josephine’s mind was a great way to get to know what makes her tick. And YIKE! Her mind is a dark place. Seeing her best friend end up being her killer because Josephine killed her lover, and then seeing WHY she killed said lover: he was against oblation, aka literally leaving newborns to be slowly eaten by the forest. One of the darkest things this show has revealed (and that’s saying something) to try and keep the bloodlines “pure” for Primes. That’s some serious post apocalyptic Nazi thinking to be sure.

I love the fact that Josephine’s memories are categorized chronologically basically using the dewey decimal system because she is extra af, and of course the idea that if they can access her traumas they can control her body because our deep-seated traumas are the key to who we are as people is something you could unpack for days. Monty’s quip “I like your drawings better”, which is really Clarke saying that to herself, was a nice nod to Clarke at heart being a creative more than an analyst, if people would just let her live. LITERALLY.

So they break in to Josephine’s first trauma I’m assuming? And boy howdy it’s a doozy. College age Josephine is working away at homework (judging by the Christmas decor in the Riverdale-ish diner cramming for finals.) It’s neat to see the world before the bombs. The newspaper with Diyoza’s capture story, the magazine with Becca gracing the cover like a Fortune 500 queen. I love world building. Anyway back to the scene:

Josephine and her friend’s studying is interrupted by a very uncomfortably realistic “nice guy” taking over their space and demanding Josephine’s attention and time. Only when she says no he turns threatening and violent, tapping the handgun he places on the table — only to use the weapon on himself as he lays the blame of his own choices at Josephine’s feet, his warm blood misting her face. All of us women have had a moment where we’ve prayed  this person in front of us didn’t do something like this, or worse, to us. It triggers Josephine’s mind to the point that she comes after Clarke in a fury, tossing her out of her mind and not noticing she left her clever side (Monty) in the diner. Bravo Clarke! Also I would like to mention I know what happened to Josephine would be traumatic, but I feel Clarke has endured way worse? So kudos to Clarke Griffin for always being stronger than her darkest moment.

“I win” are Josephine’s first words upon waking up still in control of Clarke’s body (or so she thinks), with just a little nosebleed but she’s back among the living! And she knows how to permanently erase Clarke’s mind. Josephine’s day is starting much better than her previous night...or is it?

Because as she enters the room with her father and Bellamy negotiating for team space pops! to have a home. Bellamy “if we pretend you didn’t murder Clarke” Blake (as always his dramatic self) notices a “new” tic Jaux!Clarke has picked up, finger tapping...and upon further study he notices a pattern:

She’s tapping out a message! In Morse code!! (Shoutout to Earth Skills teacher Charles Pike! You legend!) Clarke Griffin is pulling a Will from Stranger Things and calling Bellamy through blinking the Christmas lights of the diner into Morse code. And he’s finally “ in range” for her 2200th message! He knows within two seconds it’s her trying to tell him she’s alive. There is no doubt, all bets are off, Clarke Griffin is ALIVE. “We’re gonna get her back” he says to Miller, smiling. Screw peace. It’s not worth it if she isn’t in this world to share it. Heart Bellamy is back, benches! AND I AM HERE FOR IT.

Final thoughts and tidbits:

I really wish they would’ve shown an old scene of Wells since they couldn’t get it worked out to have Eli Goree back.

I loved the tight dialogue scenes and limited character focus again in this episode. There’s just too many characters to focus on all at once. On that note: my kingdom for a Bellamy-centric episode where we get to hear his innermost fears, hopes, thoughts. Give it to me.

I really loved the concept of this episode and how it reminded me that this is the same Clarke Griffin from the pilot, and the Mt. Weather. Sometimes this show feels it’s grown too far from its roots.

Eliza has become so good at micro expressions.

I love Josephine as the “Anti-Clarke”: she’s smart, artistic, cute, blonde, and deadly. Just like Clarke, but where Clarke wants everyone to have a chance at life,only using her power when she feels cornered, Josephine enjoys being privileged and judging who’s fit to live from her seat of power. She likes playing God. Clarke loathes it. Josephine and Sanctum are a physical manifestation of all the “big bads” this show has ever had: there’s some A.L.I.E, Lexa, Dante, Cage, Pike, Diyoza, Octavia,McCreary, Nia AND Clarke at her most ruthless wrapped up and baked into Josephine and the people of Sanctum. Echoing all the lessons learned, and not, throughout the seasons. It’s working really well for this season.

Check back next week for our thoughts on “operation get Clarke back” here at TBT!

Gina’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝

The 100 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on the CW.