#the hold that man's music has on me
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been listening to a lot of lil peep lately
#my art#spop#she ra#she ra and the princesses of power#digital art#she ra catra#spop catra#catra#lil peep#i'm in my lil peep phase again#i can never escape it#the hold that man's music has on me#still can't believe he's gone
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Thinking about how if we accept Paul’s narrative of the night as truth (barring the holding hands of course) Bob fully thought Cherry was putting the moves on a 14-year-old
Are you sure he wasn’t a jealous man buddy 🤨
#I think there’s a few interpretations you could have of how much of what he says in JFT is true#especially since he’s established to be an unreliable narrator by the hand-holding lie#but like it occurred to me tonight. what if he wasn’t lying about Bob not being a jealous man? that means there was a different motive than#just her being with Ponyboy and him thinking some greaser’s trying to get with his girlfriend#what if it was like. okay now I’m venturing into the realm of headcanons. but his parents having an unhappy marriage and cheating a lot#to get back at each other when they fought#and when he was young he got the idea that if he could just go after all the people they cheat with they would be happy together#and now he’s older and has realized there’s no merit to that but it’s still ingrained in his mentality when he sees cherry#so when he sees cherry with Ponyboy he assumes it’s to get back at him and he ‘goes crazy’#this does still have him thinking Cherry’s trying to put the moves on a child so idk how I feel about this exactly but it could be refined#anyway I think it would be fun to explore variations of what he could’ve meant#og#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#paul holden#cherry valance#bob sheldon
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continuing the trend of me drawing bea as i'm in the last few days of winter in my awl file, ( decided to include our pets, hanami and jiji, too. ) i did sneak a peak at year 4 and i'm really gonna miss seeing her at this stage of life a lot! 😭
#changed her bow's shape to look more like a sprout and gave her a braid to match how i draw gustafa :)#expect old man gustafa content soon >:)#this game is mocking me by still having the hold button available let me hug my kid!!!! 😭😭😭#i might need to take a break from playing since i'm starting to feel a lil bored while playing#but that's just because i've been playing it nonstop and i'm falling into a repetitive routine in the game#i'm pretty sure bea's gonna end up pursuing music which i'm more than okay with#still bummed that i couldn't figure out how to increase her interest in art but there's always the next file#( i might try romancing lumina and i'm pretty sure her kid has art as a strength )#story of seasons#bokujou monogatari#a wonderful life#chara : bea lantos-beckenbauer#🎨 : mj draws
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shoulder feels like it’s in the wrong place and needs to make a mighty crunch but i keep trying and it just makes weak little clicks and feeling more and more tight and hurting. help! i have joints 👎
#bluejay.txt#my flute professor would Get me for this honestly. it’s definitely from holding tension while i was playing earlier#she’s always all over me for playing with tension and pushing through pain#she’s right but i’m afraid she also doesn’t get that me and my stupid demon collagen are gonna have pain no matter how perfect my posture#but i should fix it as much as i can and i just have so much trouble with that.#at least i don’t play with Visibly bad posture anymore. my elbows are down my neck is up spine is straight knees not locked etc.#used to do all that & looked like the hunchback of notre dame.#now i just hold too much tension bc i’m afraid my shoulders will evacuate the premises (sockets) while i’m playing 💀#which has happened before and is very unpleasant though it doesn’t hurt.#music school moment#i guess#i should have an EDS tag but it would probably just make me sad lmao#man i just want my joints to work right. i would sacrifice the scary shoulder party tricks for less pain and instability fr#been a while since i used this site as a diary like this. hope you all are enjoying it i guess :)
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If I had a nickel for every incarnation of princess zelda I think is transmasc. I'd have two nickels
#spitblaze says things#not 2 say ill turn up my nose at any transfem interpretations of EoW zelda#just that i see the amount of ppl who clock her as a man (link but still) when they see her in the cloak and her lack of reaction to it#and the sword transforming her into link and how her voice drops when it happens#and like im *well aware* of the misogyny this series is drenched in and even this entry#zelda cant hold a sword forwver bc shed get too tired. boooo she can pick up her hard light lynels and strut around with em like its NOTHIN#and its stupid and misogynist to not even let zelda be zelda with the sword. shes gotta be link#anyway now that ive made my critiques against the doylist side of things#it feels very telling that the music goes all upbeat and triumphant when zelda gets magically forcemasced#its not diagetic and one is potentially left to infer that its a representation of how zelda feels#and compared to the baseline. its more energetic. more vibrant. empowering and encouraging#and ik link is the courage guy but im like 80% sure this game is pre-oot on the timeline#(other 20% says its on the defeated hero timeline)#but like. the point here is. zelda gets genderbent temporarily and the implication from the music and how it plays that she enjoys it#the bar is on the floor. i know. but you cant just give me a girl being mistaken for and turning into a boy and seemingly enjoying it#without expecting me to go 🤨🏳️⚧️❓️#loz#also link is a girl. it has to equal out#they r t4t transhet in every timeline <3
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The night was brilliantly clear. The world was dark, painted black and a velvet blue, generously dappled with sparkling stars which glowed as pinpricks of light amidst an endless sea: guided by the pathway of norðrljós glowing green, violet, and teal leading up to the skies from the Earth. The air was clean, cold, and held kind, gentle winds.
The night was quiet. It was still.
The world was peaceful.
Hands tight around their own shoulders, cold fingers squeezing skin - the desperate warmth covering them from a hand they could not remember both a respite and a sorrow - they held onto themselves as their mind was holding on to the memories of something else; something so long ago.
Upon the summit of the Throat of the World, they wept.
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A composite of a screenshot from my game I painted over and color adjusted; linked is my vocals taken for this point in the story.
Audio is also under the cut for ease of access.
#the last time I shared my voice was. woof it was a Years ago huh? I deleted it since then jaja but I've been into making music-#-again lately bc. music has always been my Everything so I decided I might as well do some of my own pieces for the book!#kinda nervous sharing my vocals again but hey I'm tryna be a renaissance man here I love doing all sorts of mediums#I love singing I just. feel some type of way sharing it w people so I always do it when I'm alone jaja - turning a new leaf for now#anyway the description of the video link explains what went into the audio more but the visual is my painting of a skyrim screenshot#alright enough talking out of me. expect more original music samples from me I've been doing a ton inspired by the book and my art#morelikesin#original#my art#don't steal#digital art#finished#holding on bear mccreary eivor#is the original melody I covered#móðir wolfex126#weird feeling to tag that lmao#SECRET LATE TAG: I'm posting this now bc it's night for me and it feels relevant in a way. also I just finished mastering the audio so yah#just some typical 'right after finishing something you wanna share it' deal
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I recorded myself reading the final chapter of @aquaquadrant and @lunarcrown’s From Eden AU. I’m by no means a vlogger or video editor but this is my amateur love letter to the fic and appreciation for the amazing work that the author has put in 🫶
youtube
#This chapter was insane. I mean it when I say this is the most well written carefully crafted AU I have ever read#I WISH I could make some fanart man but work has been eating me UP#I will hold all of my gremlin ideas in until I am free…#The fic may be done but I am most certainly not gonna stop talking about it#Music is. Probably not the most fitting but the actual audio was terrible and this is all I had! Get sans’d idiot.#my post#my face#hels to pay au#from eden#Youtube
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Was tagged by @oceancamp to post my current five favorite songs! (They should invent a stages-of-grief-esque model that encompasses and accurately describes both types of anguish I had to go through making this list - the one of limiting myself to only five songs, and the one of trying to put as little videogame music on here as possible so that I don't end up looking like an absolute goddamn geek, which... I am... Oh well!)
Thank you so much for tagging me - here are the songs!
Heaven Pierce Her - War Without Reason
Tatsuro Yamashita - Love Space
This specific arrangement of Death And Republic + Meet Again
Winger - Junkyard Dog (Tears On Stone)
The Protomen - Light Up The Night
Is it courtesy to tag other people after you've been tagged in a post like this? If that's the case, I'll tag @spiralled-fury, @solradguy, @swamppossum, @five-by-five, @northstarring, @ineedmoredragons and @tbonechessor!
#logs#ya don't have to participate if you don't want to‚ from what i've gathered - it's all just for fun anyway :]#The link to Yamashita's song is actually a link to a website that hosts city pop songs‚ since those keep getting taken down on YouTube due#to the strictness of Japan's copyright laws with regards to music. Uploads of Yamashita's songs in particular get taken down quite#frequently... The rest are either Bandcamp or YouTube (in case of Junkyard Dog) links#Very out-of-character of me not to put a Кино song on here‚ haha#I had a hard time deciding whether to put HOLD BACK THE NIGHT or Light Up The Night here‚ but ultimately decided on Light Up The Night#because... hoo boy#okay storytime. i've known of the protomen since somewhere around 2021. got The Good Doctor in my recommended feed‚ clicked on it because#i thought the album cover was cool + the title was appealing‚ but i never really listened to anything theirs beyond that song after that.#fast forward to 2022. be me‚ watching the greatest videoessay on planet earth (Steak Bentley's Metal Gear Solid 4 Was A Mistake).#the fucking MONTAGE comes on‚ and I fall in love with my second Protomen song. second fast forward to 2023 going into 2024‚ finally got#around to playing the Violence update. i learn of the name of level 7-2. the widest‚ most mischievous grin appears on my face.#i enter the level‚ proclaim ''ULTRAKlLL IS NOW A STEAK BENTLEY REFERENCE'' and blast the song as i get my ass beat by every single thing in#that level.#and let me tell you. getting mollywhopped ten thousand times by the FUCKING GUTTERTANK TRIO AT THE END OF THE LEVEL WAS. not a pleasant#experience. but the song made it better. :) (i played the level before the balance patch came out and uh let's just say i had more deaths on#that level than on 2gabe and 1gabe. SEVENTY-FOUR. FUCKING. RESTARTS. JESUS /CHRIST/.#goodness how i yearn to make a 3d animation of v1 going through 7-4 with that song in the background as a tribute to the man himself but#alas i am a student who has everything in the world but time#thanks for the tag again!! ^^
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mayor rolan loffin's deal with niklaus was that he would gain his hearts desire, but lose what he valued most, and it makes me wonder if all of his deals work in a similar way.
#my post#jrwi riptide#like even if the terms of the deal are stated to be something else. what if thats still the give and take of it#like look at malice#she gained her fame. she lost the ability to play music to anyone#im just putting it out there#its been so long since i rewatched most of the series so idk how it holds up for other deal-makers#but it worries me!#bcus i wonder if its what they value most at the time of the deal? or at the present time?#like is the undersea doomed bcus gill made a deal in episode 8. or are chip jay n gill doomed bcus they love each other more than anything#else. idk man!!#maybe this is nothing and it was just for the mayor#like maybe nik just made that the deal for the drama. for the theatrics. itd be in-character of him.#idk was just a random thought i had. made me think of chips deal where he has to save arlin no matter the cost
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Angry at parents hour!
Undiagnosed autistic fuckers are delulu.
#headline descriptor plus rant in tags#oh yeah sure sibling could have#sat down and studied for his finals#if only he wanted to#bitch you sent him to a school that did not have a special education program#you have been told he has learning difficulties#you didn’t get him diagnosed#you failed at providing him adequate help and tutoring#and yes that was on you because you sent him to a school that wouldn’t do that proactively#on purpose#so they wouldn’t bother you#oh but he is so smart and holds enceclapidic knowledge of d&d and Pokémon in his mind#that doesn’t translate to studying skills and ability to write out his thoughts and you know it#fuck you some things are your fault#and your responsibility as a parent#and now you couldn’t adequately provide education support to your youngest child for three years in a row#even though it’s your fourth autistic kid#you knew the signs damn well#and don’t get me started on dad#he just straight up doesn’t contribute anything to the conversation unless it’s about something that interesting to him#I don’t think you get to do that as a parent?#in the 21 century at least#why the fuck do I never know this man’s opinion on anything except music and fantasy series?#the kicker is those two know damn well you need support to grow in a meaningful way as an autistic child and young person#they were autistic children and young people#they have had support#they have had other people’s input#they had support beside irrelevant literature presented without explanation and advice to check the web#where the fuck did they get the idea that a person related to both of them is able to sit down and study without external support and#or a meaningful structure
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I was really excited for the Good Witch deluxe tracks but also I thought that there was no way the narrative of the album would be as perfect and complete with them. “There It Goes” and “History of Man” are as perfect closing tracks as have ever been written, and usually when you slap bonus tracks on after a perfect ending it mars the wholeness of the story: any epilogue after “Long Live” or “Begin Again” is disruptive. but actually the deluxe tracks work just as much as an ending! “History of Man” comes in at the end of the album and tells us why she needed to cut herself free with such ruthlessness, why she needed to invoke the power of the good witch to stand above it all and write him out: because he had a terrible power over her, a power which didn’t really come from him in a special way but has been working on men and women for all of time. she’s helpless in the face of it, her only recourse and comfort is “so you’ll lose me, the best you’ll ever have”. so it’s a relief at that point for “Holy Revival” to appear and embody all of the judgy dismissiveness of “Coming of Age” and “You’re Just a Boy” and “Lost the Breakup” at the same time as the “little wave little smile” of “There It Goes”! “Holy Revival” sums it all us, categorically: I’m doing fine, I’m doing better, I’m not going to put myself through that for someone not right for me ever again. and so we have a comfortable transition to the new tracks. she could very easily have made “Holy Revival” the final track! but she didn’t. the position of true ending belongs to “The Last One”. and just like “History of Man” came in and told us another side of the story, one that had been purposely repressed for the whole album because of how much it hurt that it was true, “The Last One” comes in with a revelation of its own: he had all that power because she freely gave it to him, because she loved him. “she loves him more than anyone ever has in the history, the history of man” sounds like an accusation—as does “gave you all of myself, one hundred percent”, and every whisper of her feelings on the album, because it was all written knowing that he wouldn’t return it, wouldn’t deserve it. but “The Last One” doesn’t accuse. it takes “she loves him more than anyone ever has” and lets it live as itself for a shining moment. because actually that is the power of the good witch—to pull herself free from the heartache without ripping out her own heart, to say “the way I loved you, I will not be embarrassed of that”. the last word on the album belongs to her love, to everything she freely gave, with eyes wide open.
#this is me admitting I need a music tag#she writes the history of man all over again but without any bitterness this time!!!!!#she says YES I love you more than anyone ever has and I will be the last one holding onto that love#she lets the last word be love and loyalty#and THAT is her power
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starting to feel really complicated about the upcoming Finnish production of Moulin Rouge!
#like. on the one hand I'm of course looking forward to it#but on the other hand. well. it's just that this is hardly my first rodeo.#I've seen some of my all-time favourite productions being redone by other theatres before and they're never as good#(with the possible exception of the Karlstad/Jönköping Les Mis I guess)#(but that was all about Alex being my fav + Philip Jalmelid delivering the most out of this world rendition of Stars I'll ever hear)#and then I'm just very prejudiced against the theatre that's staging the Finnish MR!#with one notable exception every musical I've seen on their big stage has felt... just a little bit soulless to me I guess#maybe it's just because that stage is so big and it always feels like theatre set up in an airplane hangar#or maybe it's because the type of audience they attract almost always gives off a certain slightly detached vibe#or maybe it's something about the way they work itself#or maybe it's all three!#but I'm a little worried that though it's by the same director the Finnish MR! experience simply won't compare favorably to the Swedish one#and then there's the weird feeling you get when it comes to these things... or at least *I* get when it comes to these things#if I'm right in my premonitions and I'll walk out thinking it doesn't hold a candle to the Swedish production that is#inevitably Finnish people are going to love the Finnish MR! and praise it because it's a good production no matter what#so then I'll be stuck in that weird mood#where I'll feel like everyone around me is watching the shadow and I'm the only person who's been outside the cave to see the Real Musical#and I know it's stuck up and silly to feel that way! and yet#oh man. just please let me see the u/s Zidler and I'll be too happy to even compare the rest of it to Stockholm#anyway!! I guess this is something I'll need to work through myself as a musical fan before I go see it#also maybe some fanart of the Swedish production? I've honestly been too exhausted the entire spring and summer to even think about that#but I'd like to draw something#maybe one day?#Moulin Rouge! posting
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i wonder if post god's menu stays realise how much of a shift that era was for skz? like obviously you can see retroactively by looking back at their discography irt their sonic signature, but i don't think people who weren't there can seriously grasp how big of a shock it was, they went from stan twitter's favourite punching bag to one of kpop's biggest up and comers practically overnight. they were already relatively popular by virtue of being a big 3 group, and they'd had a bit of success with miroh and less prominently my pace, but the absolute explosion after god's menu and their continued upward trajectory ever since was completely unprecedented for them. and especially given that they had JUST dropped a member. kpop groups do not tend to have massive spikes in popularity after losing members, and when levanter dropped we were all incredibly anxious for skz's future because it looked so bleak. we were crying cheering throwing up over ONE MUSIC SHOW WIN. ONE. they used to be less famous than everglow. do you understand me? are you understanding me.
#everglow's downfall has had kpop twitter's finest scholars scratching their heads for years#mismanagement and massive gaps between releases are probably the biggest culprits#but i think we all need to hold hands and accept that they were never going to be the next blackpink. the timing of it just wasn't right.#skz's timing on the other hand was literally perfect down to the millisecond.#i know we like to talk about how hard they work and all but i don't think we can discount how much sheer luck was involved#because i do not believe that jype or even the kids were paying that much attention to the timing of releases. like be real with me#and also their exponential growth in popularity as bts stopped being so active was not a coincidence at all#bts as a group stopped gaining as many new fans when they started solo activities and the members started military service#both due to a decrease in new music and their new music being so different from what made them appealing to young people in the first place#same with exo to a lesser degree because they never got as famous as bangtan#that left a vacuum at the top which skz stumbled into pretty naturally given their newfound and still growing popularity#all those new gen fans who were looking for the next biggest thing found skz#and with the sheer amount of content they put out they're the natural choice for a middle school kpop fan with too much time on their hands#i know that people still argue that txt is the biggest 4th gen boygroup but i'm not interested in falsifying narratives like moas are#< joke.#i know skz and txt were tussling for most popular for a while especially in 2020 and 2021#but after kingdom it just stopped being a competition. you can probably still argue that txt are more popular in sk#but with skz consistently marketing themselves as a global group theyve never done as well in sk as they have abroad that's just the truth#im not on twitter anymore so i cant obsessively monitor the trends anymore but also i don't need to because skz have come out on top. LOL#5 years and im vindicated at last.#take THAT 2019 kpop twitter.... <- man who hasn't gotten over anything ever in their life
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seeing thursday live actually healed me i think
#hawthorne heights too tbh#i was behind the row of people at the barricade and got to hold JT during the photo lol#man literally had me crying talking about how much it means to him that HH has helped and saved their fans through music#i was fucked uppp and dehydrated and sunburned it was AMAZING!
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uh oh i think my laptop's officially dead
#i really hope not. but. the keyboard stopped working suddenly 😭#idk maybe i turned smth off accidentally?? idk if that's even possible#I'm trying to restart it now but it's going. very slowly. which is also worrying#even holding the off button isn't doing anything. shit#it was so sudden too??? it was actually still working like i could use the mouse and it was playing music#this is so weird I'm so scared 😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's like 5 years old man don't do this to me 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐#update: well it's not turning off so i took the charger out and hope it dies from a lack of battery power soon#and then I'll plug it back in and see if it helps 😔#i THINK it happened before?? like that it didn't turn off and i had to wait for the battery to drain first#I'm so worried i really hope it doesn't die 😔 it'll break me mentally i fear.#(yes it's an object but like. i need it man. and it has a lot of my stuff there. and a lot of distractions from the fact I'm alive)#bro why is this taking so long#usually when i use my laptop and it's not actively being charged it dies within 5 minutes#it's been over 10 now and it's still going?? now?? when i actually WANT it to die??#:/ think I'm gonna leave it alone for now hhhhh whatever. I'm very anxious but there's not much i can do besides waiting anyway
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It still feels like we're the hungry band playing five nights a week at O'Shea's trying to get everybody to come to our original shows that weekend. And dammit, we're gonna pull 'em in.
#imagine dragons#ramble alert#i was rewatching live in vegas and ngl this part really got me#esp the interspersed clips from the early years#their music is just. so personal to me and it has been for 10 years#i went from casual listener to having their songs as the soundtrack to the most important events in my life#catching midnight trains alone across europe to see them#and i just. idk man. their music holds such a special place in my heart#being able to witness the long long journey is so so incredible to me
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