#being able to witness the long long journey is so so incredible to me

[hleonaa]

It still feels like we're the hungry band playing five nights a week at O'Shea's trying to get everybody to come to our original shows that weekend. And dammit, we're gonna pull 'em in.

[elliemarchetti]

Gwynriel Weeks Day 3

I really wanted to participate in this year’s @gwynrielweeksofficial, but since at the moment my free time is decidedly limited I opted for writing a collection of drabbles, a story that can be read all together or as standalones. I don’t know how many chapters I will actually be able to publish, but I present you the first, set after ACOSF and whatever happened in the last CC book (I haven’t read that saga and I don’t intend to, so I don’t know if the timeline is right)

Prompt: Confessions

Warnings: Angst

Words: 625

"I thought about you while you were gone."

Gwyn’s soft voice broke the comfortable silence, making him wince. Her words hit harder than any blow he ever received in his long life as a warrior, striking straight to the heart. He had found her on the stands of the training arena, her hair down, her feet bare and only a light nightgown to cover her slender body. The full moon made her look like a forgotten goddess he wanted to worship, a physical reaction that reminded him why he had to stay away.

“I feared you wouldn’t come back,” she went on, her usual sweet smell mixing with that of the alcohol she previously drank. Her teal eyes were wide, but uncharacteristically veiled with sadness, as if she still didn’t believe he was real and alive, next to her in the dark. Ever since Azriel had returned to the Night Court, they had never been alone. He had made up all sorts of excuses to postpone their private training sessions, and when she was with the Valkyries, he had let Cassian lead her training, for every moment he spent too close was a suffering, a test of his honour and morals.

“Do you want me to escort you inside?” he asked, when the absence of her words became too much to bear, ready to offer his jacket to cover her figure on the short journey. While he was on his mission, he had a lot of time to ponder. He usually liked the solitude, to be away from useless chatter and invasive questions, but the sound of Gwyn’s voice was music, the only thing capable of silencing the constant buzz of his thoughts and the fussing of his shadows. He had missed her incredibly, and when he saw her again with the other priestesses, the breath had left his lungs, making him gasp and eager to hold her in his arms, something he never did before and certainly couldn’t do at the moment, out of the blue.

In response to his question, Gwyn simply shook her head, the long hair escaping from behind her left ear, framing her face like a burnished cascade. For an instant, Azriel deluded himself that they were the only beings still existing in the world, light and shadow colliding with the stars as their only witnesses. He had to resist the impulse to retreat when she touched the tips of his flame-torn fingers with her own, smooth and tapered, and he had to will his instinct to not drag her on top of him and fuck her senseless. He wasn’t like those beasts who had violated her, but he was rough, and flawed and…

She’s about to kiss you, purred one of his shadows, the sound audible to him only. It was true, and as much as he had to, Azriel didn't stop it from happening. He responded to the delicate peck on his full lips as if he were afraid he might break her just by moving too fast, and he followed her lead with the fluidity of a centuries old spy.

“I’m sure Lady Elain is more capable than me, but after all the apprehension of the past few weeks, I had to do it,” she murmured when they finally parted, and something in Azriel broke. His detachment capitulated like the walls of a conquered city, and decades of repression resurfaced, freezing him in place. He watched her walk away, her back straighter than he would’ve expected, her pride intact. She was a force of the nature, incapable of regret, unaware that she had just left ruins and destruction in her wake.

“I thought of you too,” he whispered to no one, the words lost in the wind.

[moonlightdawn1102]

Arion's Angel - Part Five

Pairings: Reader x OMC (brief and only mentioned due to backstory)

Word Count: 1845 (sorry for the long chapter)

Warnings: Child Marriage, Child Loss, Abuse, Death and Suicidal Tendencies (I don't go to deep into detail, but wanted to leave the warnings just in case, please let me know if I missed anything)

Conference Room, Avengers Tower

Trying to find a starting point to explain your past and history was difficult and near enough impossible. You needed to make yourself seem human enough for them to like you, but they also needed to realise how powerful you are otherwise you wouldn’t be needed on the team. Not to mention the fact you’d have to leave out a good portion of the truth because you couldn’t tell them about Luca or Arion. You were really starting to feel like it would have been a good idea to practise this speech before now.

Steve had dragged Tony over to the table to sit down so that you were standing alone in front of everyone. You glance at each of them and see the curious look in their eyes which wasn’t surprising considering what they’d just witnessed you do to Steve. Your eyes eventually fall on Bucky and you swallow thickly, he was sitting on the edge of his seat with his brow furrowed. Once he saw you look at him though, he gave you a small but encouraging smile which was exactly what you needed. It gave you some confidence and pushed you to open your mouth and begin talking. 

“I was born in 1668 in a rural part of England. It was my parents, myself and my little sister. She was ten years younger than me but we were best friends. We lived on a farm and considering the period of time we lived in, we were happy and healthy. But then our farm animals started dying, our crops stopped growing and we had no income. My father managed to get a job in a nearby city, so we packed up and moved. Thankfully, my parents were able to keep my sister. My mother tailored clothing at home so she could still take care of my sister. My father worked as a blacksmith which gave the three of them just enough money to get by” you say softly.

You sigh gently and look down at the floor, “I was bought by a Lord. I was fourteen at the time. There were no rules regarding safety for children, he became my master and I slept in the basement of his house with seven other girls and women. We were required to do whatever he asked and in return we got to stay inside and be fed once a day. I rarely got to see my parents or sister after that until I got word that my father had fallen sick. I ran away and went back home"

"It only took four days for both of my parents to die from smallpox, it had been sweeping its way through England and the death rate was incredibly high. It was a miracle that my sister and I never caught it but I knew that we couldn’t stay there. We had to leave or she’d be taken away to another family and I’d be punished before being returned to the Lord I belonged to” you say gently before looking up to see some empathy on the team's faces.

“So I took what little belongings we had and made our way to the coast. I managed to..erm..bargain my way onto a ship that was heading for America. It was a long journey, but we made it and my sister was healthy which is all I could have asked for. We ended up in Salem. But with no money or possibility of a career, I had no choice but to get married. You have to understand that this was in a time where a woman couldn’t have any independence. I didn’t want to get married, but I did what had to be done. I don’t want to go into detail but I’m sure you can imagine that it wasn’t a joyful time for me"

"When I was seventeen, I got pregnant but lost the baby. At eighteen, I finally did have a child. A little girl, her name was Alice, she was so beautiful” you say with a slight smile, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling when talking about your children. You sigh softly, “My husband didn’t want a girl though, so at nineteen I had another baby, but we had another girl, Jane. He was..He wasn’t happy with me for having girls and he was going to throw me out if our next child wasn’t a boy. Thankfully, I gave birth to a little boy, Thomas. Things were good for a while after that, we were a family for the most part and I loved my children” you explain quietly.

You could see the shock on all of their faces when you told them about your children, Tony even looked like he regretted what he’d said earlier about you being a monster. 

“But then everything changed. One night I came home from going to the local market and everyone was gone. My husband, my children and my sister. I didn’t understand what had happened, I entered the house and called out for them but no one answered. Then out of nowhere..I got..I was attacked by a man, well a vampire but I didn’t know that at the time"

"He spent hours biting me and drinking from me, he was supposed to kill me but he turned me instead which was not a pleasant experience. That’s how I became a vampire. When I woke up the world was different for me, I felt like my head was going to explode from all the sounds I could hear and I had this overwhelming hunger. I knew that something was wrong and I didn’t want to hurt my children, so I fled into the nearby forest” you say sadly.

“I..erm..I fed on animals for a time to keep myself alive but two months after I’d been turned this woman found me in the forest. She was a witch and told me that she was part of a coven. I didn’t believe it at first but she told me that she could turn me back to normal and I jumped at the chance. I just wanted to go back to my children. I..I trusted her..And she betrayed me” you whisper. 

“I didn’t know that they’d been looking for someone to use as a beacon for their power due to the start of the witch trials. I thought they wanted to help, but the spell they told me would turn me back into a human was actually a transference spell. All of their power entered my veins, it nearly destroyed me. I think they underestimated how much that amount of power would mess with my brain, they couldn’t keep me in control and I broke free..Killing them all"

"Using that much power caused me to fall unconscious, I woke up two days later and felt like I was in better control of myself. I didn’t have this desire to drink or feed or kill, I learnt later that it was because I’d fed on human blood which is what I need to survive and to keep in control” you say while looking out at each member of the team, half looked disgusted and the other half looked horrified. Apart from Bucky, he didn’t really have any kind of emotion on his face.

“Now that I had control of myself all I could think about was seeing my children. I ran home expecting my husband and my children to welcome me back with open arms. But he..he had another woman, he’d gotten married again and told me that I should have been dead. Turns out he’d made a deal with the vampire that turned me, the vampire was supposed to kill me like my husband had requested but didn’t follow through with his end of the bargain. I never loved my husband but I was heartbroken regardless, I told him that I didn’t care but just wished to see my children and sister..” you explain while taking a soft breath to prepare yourself for the next part.

“But that’s when..He told me that Alice and Jane had died. My daughters died and I wasn’t there..They were only four and five and I never got to say goodbye. It broke me and I was never the same after that. I was grateful that my sister and my son were alive but I had a hole in my heart that would never be fixed” you say while wiping the tears from your eyes. It had been centuries and that still hurt to talk about. You look up and see the sorrow on everyone’s face, a few of them were even crying. 

You swallow gently, “With my sudden return, my husband kicked myself and my sister out onto the streets. But not before accusing us of witchcraft. He told everyone that I’d died and had been brought back by the devil. That my sister had conjured my soul back from the depths of hell. The whole town turned on us and hunted us down. I tried to protect my sister, I did everything I could but they managed to knock me unconscious. The next time I opened my eyes, it was before I got my head put through a noose. My sister was to my left, she was only a child and she was crying louder than she ever had. I tried to get to her but they held me back. I had to watch as they put a noose around my sister’s neck and hang her for something she’d never even done” 

“I gave up fighting after that, my daughters were dead, my sister was dead and I’d never see my son again. I let them put the noose around my neck and I didn’t try to stop them. I welcomed death with open arms. My neck snapped and everything went dark. I don’t remember too much about what that was like but eventually I opened my eyes again, I thought I’d be in heaven with my daughters and sister but I was wrong. I was being dragged towards a bonfire and suddenly my survival instincts kicked in. I was angry and psychotic which wasn’t a good combination. I killed everyone..I went into an uncontrollable rage and was led by nothing other than my desire to kill and thirst for blood” 

You hated yourself for what happened next and could barely get out the words, “S..Somehow I..I found my way home and I..I broke into what used to be my house. I slaughtered my husband and his new wife..But then my..my son came downstairs and I didn’t..I couldn’t..I wasn’t able to control myself and I..I killed him..I murdered my own son..” you say while crying silently. You couldn’t bring yourself to talk again due to the memories that came flooding back, “I can’t..I can’t do this right now..” you whisper before fleeing out of the room. 

[dubububbles]

SHINee’s reaction to their s/o being in a pop-rock band

(heyy i love your blog 🥺💗!! since the orders are open i would like to make one ^^ shinee reaction to their s/o being in a pop rock band (sorry for my bad english it isn't my first language ☹️)

Requested by anon

Thank you! Please, don’t worry about English ❤️ (Also, I apologize for the very long delay in posting this one)

Onew

Onew’s reaction would be a gentle mix of surprise and curiosity. His eyes would probably widen a bit, and a shy but joyful smile would grace his lips.

“I never expected that, but I’d love to hear you play sometime. Will you show me?”

Of course, you’d happily agree, pleased with his warm and genuine response. The prospect of finally being able to share this part of yourself with him brought immense joy and both of you already anticipated the day you could perform for him for the very first time.

Jonghyun:

Jonghyun’s enthusiasm would certainly be palpable, his eyes shining with pure excitement.

“Are you serious? You’re in a pop-rock band? That’s incredible!”

When the news was out he would pester you to hear every track you produce and eagerly anticipate your live performances. His support would be unwavering, and he would most certainly never shut up about your talent and his admiration for you to every single person he knows or comes across.

Key:

“Pop-rock band?”

Upon hearing the news, Key would initially be a bit suspicious, raising an eyebrow in surprise. He might wonder if it was a prank since you hadn’t mentioned it sooner, but once he grasped the reality, his calm demeanor would give way to genuine excitement and curiosity.

“Well, color me intrigued. I didn’t see this coming, but I’m so impressed. When’s your next gig? I’d love to see you perform. You’ve got my full support, babe, as always.”

Minho:

You didn’t know Minho’s eyes could get so big when you told him the news and his face lit up with a sweet and exciting smile.

“Really? That’s fantastic news! I can’t wait to hear you play. You know I will always be there to support you, right?”

True to his words, Minho would certainly become the biggest supporter of your art like he was in life, attending every show and cheering enthusiastically from the front row.

Taemin:

Upon hearing the news Taemin’s interest would certainly be evident.

“Oh, a pop-rock band? Can I be your biggest fan?”

His response would be laced with a mischievous yet loving tone, accompanied by a widened grin and teasing glint in his eyes.

From that moment on he would often ask about your gigs, eager to witness your talent live. Expect honest opinions and a shower of compliments after each show, as he revels in celebrating your musical journey together.

[naurielrochnur]

Realm of the Elderlings Ask Meme Thing

Thanks for the tag @tragediegh

Favorite Rote Book: Its a tie between Assassin's Quest and Fool's Fate

Why: Assassin's Quest because I became very invested in Fitz's recovery/lack thereof after his torture and death. The end of Royal Assassin felt like the end of a chapter in his life, and it was equal parts fascinating and heartbreaking to see the how Fitz grew as a character, and yet fell victim to himself in very familiar ways. Assassin's Quest is the first time that Fitz is not wholly tied to Buckkeep (at least for the first half of the book), so I really enjoyed watching him make decisions for himself. I am also a HUGE fan of characters that soldier on despite hardship, and that describes Fitz in this book very well.

Fools Fate because OH BOY is that book an emotional wrecking ball and I love to hurt my own feelings. Fitz grows a lot as a person throughout Tawny Man, but he really develops in Fools Fate. The progression of his relationship with Beloved is incredibly satisfying and heartbreaking. I also enjoyed how Fitz finally learned that he can both love Burrich and admit that he was harmed by Burrich's strict governing of the Wit during his childhood. I love the lore and word building of this book (who doesn't love dragons?)

Top Three Favorite Characters: Fitz, Web, and Beloved.

Top Three Least Favorite Characters: Keffria, Sintara, Tats

Favorite Ship (of the floating kind): Tarman without a doubt.

Top Three Favorite Ships (of the people kind): I'm very much so not a romantic shipper, so this is hard. I guess I'll say Fitz and Beloved, but in a queer platonic, messy, and confusing sort of way, Amber and Jek, and Patience and Lacey

Would you rather be Witted or Skilled? Witted

If you were Witted, what animal would you bond with? Some sort of cat, or maybe a ferret? Or perhaps a kestrel. Also, a fox would be cool, as would a corvid. I've thought way too hard about animals I would like to be bonded with and its only made me more unsure.

How were you introduced to the books? I was looking for some books to read in the summer of 2023, and I remembered that I read the three Fitz centric trilogies back in 2018 and really enjoyed them. I was not at my most mentally healthy at that stage of my life, and so could remember next to nothing of what happened, but one thing I DID remember was that while reading those books, I was able to fully fall into them and concentrate on the story. I wasn't able to fully lose myself like that with any other book at that point in my life, so I decided they were worth a reread when I could more fully appreciate them.

Share a quote you love:

"Men do not grieve as dogs do, buy they grieve for many years." -Assassin's Apprentice

That passage never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

“Not being able to think of a reply is not the same thing as accepting another's words.” -Assassin's Quest

Its so silly but this quote makes me cry. I often have trouble replying to people, particularly when I don't agree with them, and so it can be distressing to know I have something to say and yet not be able to form the words. Its extremely comforting to see that sentiment actually acknowledged.

It was a long journey, in the cold and the dark. Somewhere I could hear a whimpering, and I despised myself for that, too. But as I scraped myself along, it grew, as a spark in the distance becomes a fire as one approaches. It refused to be ignored. It grew louder in my mind, a whining against my fate, a tiny voice of resistance that forbade that I should die, that denied my failure. It was warmth and light, too, and it grew stronger and stronger as I tried to find its source.

I stopped.

I lay still.

It was inside me. The more I sought it, the stronger it grew. It loved me. Loved me even if I couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t love myself. Loved me even if I hated it. It set its tiny teeth in my soul and braced and held so that I couldn’t crawl any farther. And when I tried, a howl of despair burst from it, searing me, forbidding me to break so sacred a trust.

It was Smithy. He cried with my pains, physical and mental. And when I stopped struggling toward the wall, he went into a paroxysm of joy, a celebration of triumph for us. And all I could do to reward him was to lie still and no longer attempt to destroy myself. And he assured me it was enough, it was a plenitude, it was a joy. I closed my eyes. -Assassin's Apprentice

This quote resonates with me in ways I find hard to describe. Even when I was at the my worst mentally, suffering from a severe eating disorder that cascaded into severe depression, there was always at least teeny part of me that wanted me to live. It was the small, basal lizard brain that cared only for biological survival, but it was there. Eventually, after a long time and a lot of therapy, I learned to listen to that voice. I learned that the voice in my head driving me crazy over thoughts of food--the voice that I hated just as much as I hated myself--was only there because it wanted me to stop killing myself. I learned to appreciate the part of my brain that cared enough about me to sink its teeth into my mind and never let go. Through that appreciation I learned to love that voice. Through love for that voice, I learned how to start loving myself the way it loved me; fiercely, protectively, and wholly accepting. A part of me cared SO much about my survival, thought I was worth an immense effort to keep alive, and all that was within me. This quote puts to words that struggle that I felt. I had a Smithy within me all along, and that little creature saved my life.

[ilaein]

Hi babi,

Happiest Birthday to you again. It’s been 8 years and I’m still fond of you. I hope you always well. I’ve been so happy to witness all your achievements in life. I had the chance to see you twice personally and the recent MysteryElevator still lingers in me. You look exactly how I thought of you, well more ethereal than ever. You look so.. so unreal. Most of the time while you are performing I can’t compose my thoughts that u are really right infront of me It feels like I’m just watching you on the big screen. Silly. My soft spoken voice struggle to shout your name as everyone in the crowd did the same. I sob in between some of your songs esp my fave ones. I can’t believe my eyes you’re glowing! Glowing infront of me .. of us..

I remember how stunned I was during our Hi-Bye session. I didn’t expect you’ll be that close.. I nearly can’t breathe. 😅 Got some heart and soul malfunction. 🤭🤣 I was mesmerized.. I wasn’t able to fell asleep no matter how tired I was after the show. I spent the rest of the evening wondering.. how can you be that handsome?! Hahahaha I also promised to myself that, that would be the last fancon of yours that I’ll go to. ‘Cause I just wanna move on with my life.. this life around me. I’m getting old and I find it hard to like someone else while I’m attracted to you. Hahaha It’s crazy. Im crazy.

For the past few weeks I avoided watching your clips that pops up everywhere.. literally in every social I have .. even random reels I was scrolling to in my dummy Insta I saw you! I restricted myself from checking notifs that includes news about you. I even unfollowed your official twitter account haha. I talk about it to some of my friends I requested them not to mention you anymore. ‘Cause they love to tease me using gifs of u or sending me clips about you. I’m still your fan but I have to detach myself in some way before it gets deeper than this. I don’t want my future husband be mad when he sees my diary full of dongmin. Haha.

Recently i bumped into twitter account handler “Kai” she’s the luckiest fan ever. She was able to attend most of your fanmeets and had several videocall with you. I was so happy for her. She even prepared a NEW YORK TIMES SQUARE AD with the largest single LED with the best resoultion! for your Birthday today! Like just wow! She really made everything so possible! She also prepares gifts and a manager of one of your fan projects. Incredible! 🤍💜

Then I realized.. for those long years that I became your fan, I wasn’t able to give you anything.. aside from flexing you on my socials, making you my cover photo since 2016 haha which I remove last 2022z Greeting you a Happiest Birthday in all of my socials.. Facebook, Insta, Twitter, etc. Supporting your songs, projects and dramas silently reposting them.. and just praying for your happiness and health.. that’s all I manage to do.. Don’t have the means to sent you food trucks like what Kim Domingo did.. or to show up in every fancon venue you have scheduled like Andrea. But one thing we all have in common.. that I’m sure of.. We all love you! 🥰

This might be my last post and greetings as I now focus in my own journey. But no matter what I’m still an aroha and eunwoo stan by heart. Thank you for being my inspiration all throughout my college years. Thank you for existing..

Happiest Birthday to you again, naesarang.

May you get all the best in life and please know that you deserve them all.

Yourstrully,

A.Lee

(Ps. As I am writing the last few sentences spotify that’s currently on shuffle playing some random playlist decided to play “STAY” from your Entity Album yes. And I almost chuckled. You’re growing so much on me, I’m scared haha. Next thing I knew I was giggling and turning red. You’re not even here! I’m sweating! Hahahahahaha)

Here are some of your recent pictures I truly love! Its not that obvious I love your long hair right? Haha!

And ops! I will definitely tell you once I had my Gabriel Dongmin hahahaha 🤭

[fayesdiary]

Faye's Fòdlan Journey: Season 1 - Opening Thoughts

Introduction

Masterpost Next->

As a reminder, we're starting with Azure Moon first, followed by Verdant Wind, Crimson Flower and lastly Silver Snow.

This was a route order I decided when I asked around for advice on which order to play them (mainly if there was an intended route order like in Fates) and they basically told me "play Azure Moon first, don't play Verdant Wind and Silver Snow next to each other since they're incredibly similar" and something else that made me decide to place Crimson Flower in the third slot. We'll see how well it turns out.

Before starting, I want to make a small note on my past experiences with Fòdlan.

I was there when Three Houses was first announced and I watched all the trailers as well as some Youtubers breaking them down.

But once it got released, I decided to go on hiding to avoid spoilers, which among other things meant unsubscribing to the very bad, not good r/fireemblem subreddit. One thing led to another, I eventually realized Reddit did me more harm than good because at that point I logged in there deliberately to get angry, so I decided to delete it.

Which means, in a way, I have to thank Three Houses to get me out of there, years before Reddit crashed and burned on top of that.

The following years were spent dodging most (but not all, sadly) spoilers, witnessing third-hand reports of flame wars with morbid curiosity (basically it's as if there was a huge wildfire outside and I was in my garden ignoring it while grilling) and being increasingly annoyed that almost every new content felt like it was about Fòdlan. At least before Engage was announced.

So I my feelings coming onto this game are a mix of awe, curiosity, fear and annoyance. I wonder if that makes sense.

Speaking of annoyances, I have to talk about a small pet peeve I have with the cover art.

While I definitely wouldn't call it bad, something about it felt off to me from the moment they revealed it.

It's clear what they were going for, with the house leaders dividing the art into three spaces, but the end results ends up looking a bit goofy, especially with the infamous upside-down Claude (which became a meme from the very beginning) and the Byleths just slapped onto the background of a building even if it doesn't make much sense.

But this is mainly a subjective thing. What isn't subjective, though, is the art error where Claude's bow is misaligned. If you look closely at the center, you'll notice the end of the bow isn't actually ligned up with the rest of it, and now you won't be able to unsee it, bothering you as much as it bothers me. You're welcome, by the way.

But we've delayed the main event for long enough. Let's start the game, shall we?

The first thing you see when starting the game is an empty throne on the left, followed by a quiet rendition on the organ of the Fire Emblem theme. Already it's starting to become clear the tone this game is going for.

Waiting around a bit, the opening of the game starts playing.

First of all- wow, that theme. Edge of Dawn is one of the best vocal tracks of Fire Emblem by far. I remember listening to it on loop when it first got released!

Also I gotta say, I missed the anime-style cutscenes.

While I like the 3D ones these give the game plenty of charm, even if I wish they were a bit more fluid. Honestly, they make a solid argument for a Fire Emblem anime to be released. no the cancelled OVA doesn't count shut up

If this is anything like Echoes, this opening is made of spliced-up future cutscenes. And given a good portion of it shows up again in the intro cutscene, I'd say I'm right.

Returning to the game, we start creating our file and- ooh, boy.

Ignoring the difficulty options for a second, which are the same as every modern Fire Emblem save for Echoes (only difference being that "Lunatic" is now named "Maddening"), it's time for my first big criticism of this game.

Which is ironic, given that it's about all of the text being too. Freaking. ˢᵐᵃˡˡ.

Maybe it's just an impression I have, but back when Three Houses first released, it felt like every AAA company was in a competition to put the tiniest text possible due to the larger screens, with the result that most of the time you have trouble reading it unless you get closer.

This is a huge blunder on accessibility for people with visibility problems, and while it luckily got better especially now that accessibility is a larger focus for most mainstream developers (except, of course, Nintendo), here it still shows its tiny, hugly head.

And remember, the Switch is also a portable console, so there are people who had to read this tiny font on a small screen, so I'd say this is pretty bad. I doubt I'll play Three Houses on portable because of this.

In fact, I feel this is such a problem I will be including alt text on all the screens with dialogue.

Going back to the difficulty options, I will be playing on Normal Classic.

Normal because I'm an impatient scrub, Classic because I like having some form of consequences. Besides, I have Divine Pulse covering my ass.

Hey, I said I was a long-time Fire Emblem player, I never said I was good at it.

With that said, the screen fades to black, and the first proper cutscene begins.

We open on a large, rainy battlefield, in what I assume is the distant past.

Two armies clash against each other, until a human(?) named Nemesis descends from the skies in a burst of flame. Immediately he turns his attention towards his foe, the goddess Seiros.

The two soon begin a duel to the death. Seiros uses a sword and shield which couple with her general design makes me think she might be slightly inspired from Greek culture? Big if true, because from what I know Fire Emblem never took inspiration from Greece.

Nemesis, meanwhile, fights with... the Sword of the Creator?

Huh. Will need to keep a closer eye on that one.

Eventually, Seiros prevails, and in a fit of rage, stabs Nemesis to death over and over, yelling that he took everything she loved.

After felling her *heh* Nemesis, Seiros grabs the Sword of the Creator, lovingly caressing it calling her Mother.

We see the Divine Pulse activate, and all of a sudden we're brought at Best Goddess Sothis' Mind Space, where she notices her new visitor.

So. This intro.

Besides already setting the tone Fòdlan is going for (grand with a lot of death and tragedy and murder), it's interesting how if you're at least a bit savvy with how Fire Emblem stories go, you can already put two and two together with that's happening.

Granted, future games and loose spoilers are kind of helping me, but still. Let me explain.

First of all, Seiros is a goddess. If it wasn't clear from the fact there's a Church named literally after her. And given what most goddesses are in Fire Emblem are and her particular shade of green hair (the same Naga and Tiki and also Mila share), it's clear she's Fòdlan's equivalent of Divine Dragons.

Nemesis, meanwhile, is using a sword made of bones, which are what all of Fòdlan's legendary weapons are made of. And given they are all effective against dragons as Heroes and Engage show...

Well, it doesn't take a genius to realize where those bones come from.

Remember, Falchion is made from a dragon's bone too.

And given what Seiros says, it's likely Nemesis or someone else affiliated with him murdered all of Seiros' loved ones to make legendary weapons of unfathomable power out of them.

The Sword of the Creator seems to be made out of the bones of her mother, on top. No wonder she's pissed.

I am curious about the Divine Pulse transition. Is it just cosmetic to signify a fast-forward, or is there some time fuckery already going on? I guess there's only a way to find out.

Sothis greets us in her own, sassy way, prompting the Avatar creation screen.

And lo and behold, we went from Awakening and Fates' somewhat limited but still extensive customization options to... Just getting to choose the Avatar's gender.

*sigh* Listen. I went on a tangent about this multiple times, so I'll just keep it brief and say that given how restrictive Fire Emblem's dialogue options are, if you're not going to make the Avatar at least visually properly customizable then there's no reason to have an Avatar and all.

Okay. With that tangent aside, let's talk about Byleth's designs.

Male Byleth is my favorite. The outfit looks good and practical for a mercenary, I'm a big fan of the loose sleeves of his jacket (?) and his face looks neutral but serious.

Meanwhile, Female Byleth... well.

I'm sure I'm far from the only one who mentioned this, but between the random holes in her armor just to show more bare skin, her strangely ornate thights and her somewhat younger face with larger eyes... Yeah, it's clear what the designers' priorities were for her.

Also her expression makes her look like a doll. A doll having flashbacks.

I like her hair more, though. So that's that at least.

As a reminder, male Byleth will be used for the first two routes while female Byleth for the last two. But regardless, I will be talking about Byleth in a gender neutral way, safe for cases where I mention a specific gender. Because again, besides romance options, the Avatar's gender really Does Not Matter.

Here we have the first dialogue option, something this game loves to use. I guess it's why Byleth's a silent protagonist, although I doubt it will be worth it.

As a general rule of thumb I like to immerse myself in who I'm playing as, so I will be picking the dialogue options I think Byleth would choose, which will be the highlighted ones in the screenshots.

I know Byleth is nicknamed the Ashen Demon but I don't know how they feel about that moniker yet, so I choose to have them call themselves a mortal.

Sothis then asks Byleth for their name, which for every route will be... Well, Byleth. Not that it's ever said out loud anyway.

Lastly, she asks them about their birthday.

It's interesting to note how here, instead of using our real life Calendar, every month has its Fòdlan counterpart. While this is really neat, I hope they will keep the number along with it because I know I will forget about them otherwise.

And I share their day of birth as well! What a peculiar coincidence!

With a last phrase that feels like it's leaning on the fourth wall, Sothis bids Byleth farewell for now.

donotmakeaSkyrimjokedonotmakeaSkyrimjokeDONOTMAKEASKYRIMJOKE

Byleth's father and soon-to-be corpse, Jeralt, wakes Byleth from their strange dream.

Apparently, Byleth dreamt about Sothis multiple times, but this is apparently the first time she actually noticed them.

Guess she was asleep for the other nights, that must have been pretty awkward for them. I hope she doesn't snore at least.

The father-and-child duo prepars for another mercenary mission, when they're approached by three inconspicious teenagers who definitely haven't set the Internet on fire for years to come, asking for help.

The problem is of course, bandits. The universal evil of all of Fire Emblem. With a whole group of them on their tail and about to attack a village, the five prepare their counterattack.

Which we will see next time, since this post is getting incredibly long and more importantly, I've hit the image cap!

Introduction

Masterpost Next->

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... X-23 2010B (afterword)

So I've finally finished this run! This was an incredible ride full with hardhitting emotional moments, amazing character development and exploration and just outstanding art. I really loved my time reading this run. Laura Kinney is fastly becomming one of my favorite characters! She's definitely a character that has really resonated with me. As i've mentioned before Laura Kinney has been a character I've been wanting to learn more about for quite some time now. And I'm super happy I finally got the chance to do that as I'm reading through her comics. She's a very complex and intriguing character with a lot of depth to her which I really love. And that depth and complexity gets explored in this run so well, and in such a hardhitting way. I think we really need more comics that are so character driven and focussed while realling exploring the characters and what they have to offer to the fullest. This run does all of this so perfectly. It was interesting to see how Laura views herself and the world around her. And how her past trauma shaped those views. All while she's trying to be better and become her own person. It was executed so well and you really get to understand Laura on a very deep level. What I also really love about this series is how much Laura evolves as a person and character. Comparing her to how she is in X-23 2010A #1 to how she towards the end of X-23 2010B is such a stark contrast in a good way. She's really healed her mental wounds (for the most part) and became her own person all while developing a healthier mindset and her own set of morals. She really comes into her own in this run and it's just so beautiful to see that development for her. She has come a long way from who she used to be and it's just so cool to witness the journey she goes on as she becomes her own person and goes through such an evolution. It makes me really excited to read what's next to her as it's very much an ongoing journey that never stops (as it is with basically every person). The roadtrip vibes this run had were also pretty fun and really made every arc feel as if it's its own adventure all while still being very much a character driven story. It was really fun to see her travel around the world with Gambit all while dealing with her past and her own inner demons. Her dynamic with Gambit was really fun. He feels like the only person from the X-Men that really seems to understand her and is able to connect with her. It's really sweet how much he cares about her and wants to help her on her journey of becomming her own person. Wolverine and Jubilee were also very good additions to this run, especially given their interesting dynamics with Laura. Like Laura has a bit of a complicated bond with Wolverine for quite a few reasons and I love how this run touches upon that a bit. With Jubilee it gave Laura an unlikely friendship, something she really needed. I really loved how Jubilee taught Laura all about life and what it means to live. Was definitely a highlight moment for me in this run, especially with how much it does for Laura as a character. They're a very fun duo and I hope to see them team up again in the future! The art in this run is also something that needs to be mentioned. It was absolutely incredible! It really captured the vibe of the run very well. I absolutely loved this run, it was such an amazing experience start to finish. It was so nice to learn so much about Laura in such an in depth way and really understand her on such a deep level. She's really becomming one of my favorite characters and I'm just super excited to read all of her other comics! This run also introduced me to a bunch of other awesome characters I really want to learn more about at some point! I'm sad that my time with this run is over but I absolutely loved every second reading it!

[filmho13]

My Top Ten Films from 2022

At this time last year, I set two movie-watching goals for myself; to complete the Criterion Challenge for 2022 (list here) and watch 100 films in total. Starting off strong in January, I was seemingly on my way to meet both goals with ease. Come June I had fallen off hard and wasn’t able to pick up the pace again until October. I finished on January 1st, but I gave myself this pass since I technically didn’t embark on my journey until the 7th of last year. I watched 50 movies from November on. Would I recommend this? No, not particularly but the sheer amount of film exposure has caused me to refine my taste and expand my general knowledge on film exponentially. I watched 104 films in total, which made it incredibly difficult to pick my official top 10, so I picked an additional 5 honorable mentions. This absolutely doesn’t include all the movies I enjoyed, but these made an impact on me in a way that is lasting and I think about them often. Without further adieu and IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, here are my top ten films I watched for the first time in 2022 (and 5 honorable mentions).

*DISCLAIMER I WILL NOT BE SPOILING BUT I WILL BE TALKING IN DETAIL ABOUT THESE FILMS SO IF YOU WANT TO WATCH THEM BLINDLY DO NOT READ MY REVIEWS*

In no particular order..

Three Colors: Blue

Barbarian

The Meetings of Anna (Les Rendez-vous d’Anna)

Pearl

Persona

The Descent

Titane

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Girlhood

Honorable mentions:

Pariah

Vagabond

La Cienega

In The Mood for Love

Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles

Three Colors: Blue 

‘Trois couleurs : Bleu’

1993

Krzysztof Kieślowski

This is a French-Polish film I watched for movie 25/52 in the Criterion Challenge, category ‘Made in Poland’. I had never heard of this film or director prior to choosing it. The story is about a woman, Julie, who loses her husband and child in a car wreck. Julie attempts to change the course of her life, moving out of her home and abandoning her career. You witness her discover eye-opening and complicated things about her life that she works through with incredible composure. I’ve never seen a film about grief so poetic and visually captivating. The visual landscape is painted with cool tones and different shades or elements of blue. The color blue invites an emotional tone that is soft and tender. The way the story is written is very nuanced, there’s no clear enemy or one way to look at the situation Julie has been put in. What “should” you do when you experience such a great loss? How “should” you feel? There is no right answer. Julie allows her emotions to help her make decisions but doesn’t let them dictate her life. She wanted to get away from the harsh reality of grief, so she did to the best of her ability but she didn’t deny what she had experienced. 

Barbarian

2022

Zach Cregger

Barbarian was one of those movies that people suddenly were telling me I needed to see and nothing else. “Don’t look up anything, just go see it” type of film. Off I went to see this movie alone on a random Monday. Well into the first act I questioned my decision to see it for the first time by myself. I don’t want to say too much about the plot because it’s such a fun trip to watch this film knowing as little as possible. What I will say is that a woman arrives at her Airbnb to discover someone else already staying there. After I finished this movie I wanted to instantly re-watch. The film is so intricately made, but there’s no way to catch all the detail on your initial viewing. This resulted in me going to the movies again the following evening with a couple friends who had not seen it yet. The progression of the film is subtly intense, you aren’t being thrashed around nor are you idling for too long. The cinematography dominates your feelings of spatial awareness, not letting you relax. The soundscape makes you feel trapped. I loved the way that the characters are written and how they interact. They paint you a perfectly deceptive picture and take you on a wild ride as you learn more about what exactly is going on at this suspicious Airbnb. 

The Meetings of Anna

‘Les Rendez-vous d’Anna’

1978

Chantal Akerman

The Meetings of Anna was my pick for 47/52 on the Criterion Challenge, category ‘Sean Baker’s closet picks’. Chantal Akerman is a master of queer arthouse film. I also watched ‘Je, Tu, Il, Elle’ and ‘Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles’ in 2022. These films can be slow, but not boring. They’re inquisitive in a way that takes its time, letting you run your eyes over all parts of the frame before moving forward. Akerman wants you to take it in and think about what you’re consuming. The Meetings of Anna is about a woman on a promotional tour for her new film, letting you witness the different relationships and interactions she has along the way. I appreciate the symmetrical framing and long conversations between the characters. There’s nothing to hide, they show you all there is to see. The feeling of stagnancy despite Anna almost constantly being on the move establishes the ultimate loneliness of her life. Despite having multiple romantic partners and being a successful filmmaker you can feel that there’s something missing. The in depth conversations between characters question Anna and her character. As the story progresses, I didn’t feel much resolution for Anna but more so her counterparts (at least most of them). I truly love stories that force you to think and reflect, this is one of those.

Pearl 

2022

Ti West

I thoroughly enjoyed watching X with two of my closest guy friends (who are far more squeamish than I). Watching this felt like an homage to horror cinema and practical FX. I don’t believe it takes itself too seriously. Pearl is a more character focused, intense story giving you context for X. It takes place on the same farm, but much farther back in time. This movie was also so fun to see on a big screen, if you ever get the chance I would highly recommend it. It had a lot of similar elements to X, but the writing is a lot stronger and it’s a lot grittier and nasty. Any modern horror film that showcases practical FX gets extra points from me. Pearl as a character is frustrating but you do empathize with her situation. It’s a very transparent character study as they do not shy away from showing you the more embarrassing parts of her. I found a lot of similarities in Pearl to ‘Autumn Sonata’ dir. by Ingmar Bergman. I tried to see if West had noted any direct connections to the film, but wasn’t able to find anything. Autumn Sonata is about the relationship between an absent mother and her daughter. The daughter gives an incredible monologue that reminded me a lot of the one in Pearl, if you’ve seen it you know exactly what I’m talking about. 

Persona

1966

Ingmar Bergman

Persona is a story of a woman “fallen ill” being taken out of hospital care and moved to a residence with a single caretaker. This woman is an actress who refuses to talk, but is seemingly fine otherwise. The relationship between her and the caretaker grows very deep and intense with emotion. There are elements of experimentation with different lighting and editing techniques. You get to witness a relationship between two women that only grows more complicated with time. Liv Ullmann and Bibi Andersson are fantastic together. The film feels like surveillance in some ways, it looks at the concept of the self. I called it “a study of an aching soul”. The silent woman isn’t fulfilled by her life and chooses not to speak, but through the silence you see the nurse open herself up in such vulnerable ways. There’s a scene that is an entire monologue back to back, but it’s a shot reverse shot. The frames are filled with just the headshot of each of the women, one who’s giving the monologue and then shown the other who listens. It’s the same scene in full, back to back with just the opposite frame. It’s so raw and tender to watch each of them so closely. 

The Descent

2005

Neil Marshall 

An all female group of spelunkers venture into a cave, come to find out nobody has ever explored before. One of them led the group so they could discover its contents together. Boy howdy was that a bold choice! The group gets trapped inside the cave, but they’re not alone. The true dynamics between all of the women are revealed as they try to get out of this sticky situation. This is a great film to watch with a group of people. The camera work makes you so uncomfortable and I love how nasty the cave is. I appreciate horror films that utilize ambiguity, when you don’t know exactly what you’re dealing with. There’s a great sense of urgency for these women to move along and try to escape, you just can’t look away. Something about an all female ensemble in a horror movie is just too good! It’s fun to pick your favorites and root for them throughout the movie. The film isn’t very surface level, there’s a lot more to it than just the horror within the cave. It’s about all the characters too. I enjoy the dynamic approach to horror instead of a shallow tale that’s only meant to spook. 

Titane

2021

Julia Ducournau

After watching ‘Raw’, Julia Duournau’s first feature length film, I knew I had to see Titane. Raw is one of my favorite films of all time, granted it’s absolutely disgusting and fairly strange. It’s the most beautiful, disgusting horror movie I’ve ever seen. Titane is quite different. Although both films are body horror, they take a very different approach. Raw is the destruction and deterioration of the body, whereas Titane is more about mutilation and transformation. Titane is about a woman with a sexual obsession with cars, then about a father reuniting with his child after 10 years. The first half is a wild ride of murder and obsession, the second half is tender and kind of heartwarming?? I absolutely adore the complexity of the story in combination with the bizarre horror that comes from this sexual obsession with cars. Personally, I believe Julia Ducournau is a creative genius (huge claim, I’m aware). It’s amazing to see a woman dominate a genre the way that she has in this modern age of horror film. The movies are weird and revolting, but so much deeper and complicated than meets the eye. Does this review make you want to watch Titane? I’m not sure, but all I can say is that I’m a huge fan and can’t wait to see what else Ducournau creates. 

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls

1995

Maria Maggenti

This was my final pick of the Criterion Challenge, probably the easiest category ‘Any Criterion film on your watchlist’. I wanted to pick a movie that was lighter in subject since I had just finished ‘The Seventh Seal’ and ‘Through the Olive Trees’. This is a story of two girls who attend the same high school but meet by chance at the gas station one of them works at. One of the girls doesn’t come from money or live with her parents whereas the other is wealthy and far more studious. They learn a lot from each other and end up falling in love. This is probably the first queer movie I’ve ever seen where there isn’t a devastating situation or incredibly traumatic story. The two girls certainly don’t have it easy, but it’s more about the relationship they have with each other and less about the stigma of being queer. The two subjects coincide, but it’s nice that you’re mostly witnessing a very sweet relationship blossom. This is something I wish I would have seen as a younger queer person for sure. The composition of each shot made it so that they could stand alone as beautiful photos. It was nice to notice that the filmmakers are taking into consideration the art of the camera and not just for the sake of entertainment.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

2014

Ana Lily Amirpour

I decided to watch this after I watched one of Ana Lily Amirpour’s top 10 for the Criterion Challenge. This is about an eerie city in Iran where there’s a lonely female vampire living amongst the crowd. It’s a Western-style plot with romantic undertones. Absolutely stunning cinematography and the soundtrack is so alluring. It’s such a layered plot and the way that two parallel plots come together in the end is so satisfying. Honestly such a creative, beautiful film. The main character being a young, female vampire is.. genius? All elements of the film, technically and otherwise, come together to create an unsettling and suspenseful atmosphere. It’s hard to make a film that can be received by a lot of audiences, but the way that the film is written and how interesting it is makes it so easy to be drawn in. On top of that, if you appreciate the art of filmmaking itself then it’s an even better watch. I’m usually not a huuuuge fan of black and white, but I think that the lighting techniques are what still make it such an interesting visual experience. This age of the horror genre is certainly oversaturated with the same stories, ideas, and color palette. It’s notable watching something that feels new, even better when it was made by a woman. 

Girlhood

2014

Céline Sciamma

This film was my movie pick for 11/52, category ‘2010s’. It’s a story about a young girl in France that has most odds stacked against her. Not coming from a stable home environment, not being financially secure, and having a single mother. She tries to fit in at school with a girl gang in an attempt to turn something around for herself since she was typically a loner before. It’s definitely hard to watch a teen girl go through so much hardship when it’s hard enough to be growing up, figuring yourself and the world out for the first time. The story is truly about feminine connections between family and friends. The film feels pretty raw, thematically and structurally which I really like. It’s a change of pace from incredibly melodramatic setting and visuals in female focused dramas. Something I aspire to be able to achieve is the pure joy of fleeting moments between feminine people. It’s complex and beautiful in such a special way, it’s really in the small moments we take for granted for me. My favorite scene is when the girls book a hotel room together. Watching them hang out, singing and dancing together is so precious. I think a lot of girls can remember a time when they got ready in their bedrooms just for fun and played music with their friends.

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

This one is long and ugly (sounds like my first time)

Omfggggggg, y'aaaaaalllll, I HAVE A LAPTOP AGAINNNN. I could look back on my primary blog for the timestamp on when my old laptop died and I had to start Tumbling from my phone like a savage, but I have missed typing so muchhhhh omggggg think of all the fuckin free association blogging I'm going to be able to do now!!! If you thought my previous posts were long....

Ugh god ok so my fucking ecstasy at being able to type and do so many other things again aside, I pulled up Tumblr on my laptop for the first time bc I wanna process some shit (obvs).

Wait hold on, first, I had dinner with MUC and her sister at like, 7ish last night, and felt good about my macros and totals, but now it's 3p and I still haven't broken my streak. I feel a little dizzy, especially when I stand up or do strength exercises, but my stomach and cravings are not loud at all and I'm fucking stoked. I have family dinner tonight so having this streak be 20h so far is fucking incredible, I feel so good.

My primary objective here though is to process my absolute fucking (I'm realizing I'm getting to say fuck a lot more now that I'm not conserving energy and typing only the bare necessities; I'm also noticing that my longer nails, though a satisfying sign that I haven't been biting them, feel wrong on the keyboard) rage with MUC about her mental health journey. Several months ago, I think the end of August, I had asked her if she had ever experienced depression and anxiety (because I was feeling bitter and broken and lonely and was utterly sick of her passive witnessing and shitty superficial scripted responses to my breakdowns) and she said idk. So obviously I pulled up the PHQ9 and GAD7 and completed a screening on her, and she actually scored moderately for both. At the time I was secretly pissed and hella defensive and processed with Wilson that if MUC, the most healthy-passing motherfucker I have ever met in my life, self-scored herself as moderately severe on both depression and anxiety, then I should just kms because I'm a lost cause. I also felt invalidated, or maybe like she was encroaching on my territory...? or like she obviously didn't have respect for the severity of my experiences if she thought her experiences were that bad....? Idk it was some unhealthy, toxic bullshit on my part and Wilson was so lovely about redirecting me to the perspective that MUC must be really good at masking and hiding and passing and it's sad that she's been suffering so much for so long without help. MUC herself was surprised by her scores, and has now also been reflecting that she is curious if she has ADD (and I've heard her talk in the past about wondering if she has a mood disorder like her dad, who allegedly has bipolar 2 [I have strong defensive opinions on that, too]), and MUC has also talked a lot now about how the "overeating" element of the PHQ9 has always been a constant thing in her life; I knew she had/has a lot of shame around her body and weight and her mom&sister both have really unhealthy relationships to eating and food.

Anyway, MUC has been playing with the idea of identifying with depression, and maybe also anxiety, and she proposed that I complete the screening with her every two weeks + she scheduled a psychiatrist appointment + she asked for my non-pharm recommendations and I said 150m HR-elevating cardio and 120m outside time per week. We've done a few screenings since then, and I do notice myself still getting angry and defensive, especially since she has not once reported a 0 on the thoughts of hurting yourself or thinking you'd be better off gone. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around how fucked up it is that she scores herself as a 1 on that and my reaction is rage. But I just... If I'm brutally honest with myself, I think she's faking it, or exaggerating it - not on purpose, but I think she's so fucking naive and sheltered and optimistic and privileged that she doesn't understand that the real thing is so much worse, that she wouldn't be able to mask and pass this well for so long if it was really as bad as she says, and I just.. I'm angry. I'm so fucking angry. And I'm trying to keep my mouth shut because I know I'm in the wrong and this is my shit to work through.

Ok so anyway she's been prepping for this psychiatrist appt, and I've been trying to set her expectations that it won't be talk therapy, it's entirely possible she'll get a super dehumanizing clinician who just sees her as a medical puzzle, and she definitely won't get feedback or a diagnosis that definitively tells her what is going on with her, not now and especially not historically. She's been doing lots of talking with her family, asking them about their MH symptoms and med trials. She also asked what med I would recommend for her.

Meanwhile, several weeks ago she was filling out intake paperwork for this appointment and she said she erred on the side of endorsing symptoms if she wasn't sure if she had experienced them; partly this makes sense, because she didn't realize she was depressed (IS she depressed? or is she just sad and sensitive and in a shitty situation at work and with her family? does it fucking matter if she's suffering and scoring moderately on both depression and anxiety?) so she wants to err on the side of saying she might have experienced something, so that the doc can have that conversation with her. She also apparently spent like, a long ass time in the narrative section of the intake paperwork talking about her work life and the stuff going on with her family, and THAT also pissed me off because while yes, both are stressful, I don't consider either situation to be toxic or particularly traumatizing and I just... OH GOD THAT WAS ANOTHER THING, the intake form also asked about traumas experienced (which, eh, I dunno how I feel about that on an intake without supports.. you could trigger someone by forcing a narrative account that doesn't actually guide clinical practice before the appointment... just use universal precautions and address that in session if they endorse PTSD symptoms?), and she balked at that and I thought she was having the same response as me, but no, she was like "I don't know if I've experienced trauma, isn't that for the clinician to tell me..?" and I wanted to shout NO MOTHERFUCKER, YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU'D HAD TRAUMA BECAUSE IT WOULD FUCK UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION AND PASS. Jesus Christ my heart rate and breathing are fucked up just thinking about it. So mad.. I'm so, so, so awfully mad.

But anyway, her appointment is today, and the doc is 20m late, and the telehealth audio is crap, and the doc apparently spent a long fucking time talking to her about her eating because MUC identified as experiencing "binge eating" and obviously the provider was concerned about that. MUC was telling me that in hindsight, she probably should have said overeating, and I couldn't help myself, I asked "Do you eat differently when you're alone?" and she was like "Uhhh, well, I don't know.. maybe.. but definitely not with you and my sister" and then I asked "Do you keep any secrets around food, or what you take in?" and again she was like "Uhhhh, well... no.... well, yeah, from my mom!" (who is very judgmental and the epitome of an almond mom) and I didn't say anything, just hummed in acknowledgement, and we moved on, but I just.. I want to shake her. You would fucking know if you ate differently when you're alone, or if you keep food secrets. You would fucking know if you were depressed. You would fucking know if you were anxious. You would fucking know if you'd had trauma. You would fucking know you would know you wouldn't be able to hide it FROM YOURSELF??? I feel like she's fishing and I don't think it's for ego reasons but I think she's genuinely curious and does not fucking realize what life is like for other people. I know she's in a tough season of life, and her work situation is very sad and stressful, and the situation with her dad and parents is very sad and stressful, and I know that my two-month avoidance of sex and romance with her is sad and stressful (for her), but I cannot get over how defensive and annoyed I feel with her implying that normal fucking human emotional responses to hard things is a mental health disorder, meanwhile I have spent the past year letting her fuck me despite my sex trauma THAT I TOLD HER ABOUT SEVERAL TIMES and letting her say we've been having great sex despite my ... my everything, letting her call me her girlfriend despite the breakup of my 11 year relationship and my explicit rejection of big R relationships and telling her not to think I would "warm up to it" or "come around," letting her plan all these fucking trips and activities that we split 50/50 despite my abject poverty that I talk about all the fucking time, letting her make flippant dead dad jokes as I try to keep my shit together around my utter devastation, letting her enable my drinking and my smoking despite the fact that I've been so fucking open that I'm addicted and out of control around both, and then meanwhile hiding this horrific, obsessive, destructive, delusional descent into Ed Sheeran that I've got going on... I just.. I'm full-tilt toxic special snowflake illness identity right now, it's the hissing defensive screeching when other people claim to be the same enneagram number as me.. but she says she's depressed and I've been fighting SI and SH for over a year, she says she's anxious but I'm constantly cancelling plans and isolating because I can't handle my shame, she says she might have ADD and I could lose my job any fucking day now if someone realizes that I can't work more than 7 minutes at a time, that I only MAYBE put in an hour of work a day, she says she binge eats and I hide everything I eat, am constantly thinking about food, I steal and keep secrets and track and monitor and obsess and cycle and meanwhile she's complimenting my newly-visible bones. She says she has trauma because her mom over-functioned as her emotionally immature dad developed functional alcoholism and left when she was in her 30s. I watched my dad die after 20 years of homelessness and alcoholism as my emotionally unavailable mom hurt me, judged me, pathologized me, and left me feral. MUC is loved and respected by everyone, has a thriving and promising career, got her advanced degree, has all these profoundly deep satisfying relationships, she can come twice whenever the fuck she wants to and she makes twice as much money as I do.

I know that suffering isn't a competition, and I should take myself out of the picture and stop comparing.. If she's sad, she's sad; if she's hurting, she's hurting. She deserves to feel 100%, her best, fully capable, fully thriving... and if meds help that, then she deserves it. But now she's on my same medication, and my only solace is that she's on half the dose that I am, but I hate how angry and defensive and awful I am about it. I want to love her and support her and encourage her journey, and instead I'm guarding it like a horrific, toxic, gatekeeping dragon with a hoard of diagnoses that I don't want to share with anyone else. I feel awful and ugly and feral and bitter and I'm so disappointed in myself but I've been bottling it up because I know I'm in the wrong but the feelings won't go away until I move through them so here I am. Confessing. Feeling so much shame. And still angry.

Closing in on 21 hours though.. and the hunger is kicking in, but I think I'll wait another hourish until family dinner. In the meantime I can knock out some more work (I'm so fucking behind fuck shit fuck), and maybe google the menu options for the restaurant so I can be prepared. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Life really is better now that I'm on meds, and I know things are improving, and I have a good handle on my life.. I just.. am also a toxic narcissist sometimes. At least I know to keep it to myself? And Tumblr. Forgive me Tumblr.

[leonbloder]

The Springs of The Spirit

I took the advice of a grizzled camp host in Montana about the best time to arrive at Yellowstone National Park, which he described colorfully as "First thing in the damn morning." 

Because I could not book a campsite in the park proper, I had to wake up at 4:30 AM and drive nearly an hour to the North Entrance of Yellowstone near Gardiner, Wyoming.  

The drive was beautiful in the early dawn, and it followed the Yellowstone River nearly the entire route. In Gardiner, I was greeted by a herd of elk walking down the middle of the street near a local eatery called Outlaws—Pizza, Pasta, and Salad Bar. 

I'm not ashamed to say my excitement grew a bit more after that encounter. 

The first site you come to when you enter the northern entrance of Yellowstone is Mammoth Springs, which defies imagination. The natural hot springs cascade down hills that have turned red, orange, yellow, and white from the minerals the water contains.  

I hiked up to the top in the chilly morning air, enveloped in steam from the springs as they bubbled up and hit the surface.  

I felt small standing amid such incredible geothermal power and the unbelievable artistry at work on every hill the water touched.  It was almost too much to absorb at once.  

It made me realize how mysterious and wondrous Creation can be and that a new world was being created with every new direction that the springs sent the water to the surface.  I felt grateful to be able to witness it. 

I couldn't help but wax theological and philosophical about what I was experiencing because that's what I do.  It's both a blessing and a curse. 

As I took in Mammoth Springs's beauty, I began to think about how my faith journey has been marked by what has often felt like a bubbling hot spring within me.  There have been times when I felt like what was springing up could not be contained, no matter how hard I tried to keep it down. 

When I could no longer contain it, the flow that burst forth absolutely and dramatically changed the landscape of my life.

So many of us spend our lives trying to contain what longs to burst forth from the springs of our souls.  We are frightened of what might change and what will happen if we let the flow of the Spirit do the Spirit's work. 

We try to insulate ourselves from any eruption that will shake our status quo.  We choose what's comfortable when it comes to our beliefs.  We might even deny that there has been any transformation even as the evidence mounts against that denial. 

Sometimes, Religion can aid us in our delusions, explaining away the flow of the Spirit with doctrine and dogma and demanding blind obedience to poor theology and even poorer interpretations of sacred texts.  

But the Spirit is too crafty for all that and will continue to create, shape, and transform everything around us, even as we stand obstinately refusing to see the beauty being made before our eyes. 

God isn't done making all things new. 

Further, to think that all there is to know about God is somehow trapped in the ancient text is naive at best and misguided at worst.  

In my opinion, those kinds of efforts to contain God will always fail because God is always doing something in the world around us and even within us to show otherwise.  

Even as the world is being made new with the waters that rush to the surface at places like Mammoth Springs, we are being made new all the time, every moment by the rush of the Spirit in our lives.  

We can embrace it or deny it, but God will have God's way regardless.  

May we all discover the courage to see the newness being made within us and around us as a blessing, a joy and a thing to be celebrated.  May we learn to do everything we can to keep the springs bubbling, and the ground beneath our feet being made more beautiful and strange. 

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen. 

[march-26]

today last year I took you to see our favorite band, a band that we would make "our band", and you know im not one to gloss over my mistakes, I know the journey up to this point was a rocky one, but I did everything I could to fix it and it led to what would be one of my favorite nights, and trips, I've ever taken on the road.

We went to their home town to see them play for thr first time in years but that wasn't before we had our little drive and detour, playing car games, talking, visiting buccees and grabbing snacks, then taking that detour to the lavender fields, which I loved every moment of, I loved seeing your reaction to everything that was lavender scented or themed. I almost forget that we went into the mall and shopped around, and we're blown away, atleast I was, at the sheer size of it, and the size of the giant Christmas tree they planted right in the middle of everything.

then it came to watch the bands play and wow, were they incredible, they played your favorite song right at the start and to see your reaction was priceless, we got merch, you got to get a picture with the singer, and we had a long drive back home.

it was all beautiful, and I remember just being so thankful, thankful to you for being there with me, thankful that I was able to just get out like this when I never had before. I loved every moment. it was also the start of me just looking at you and realizing that I wanted to do this with you forever, the road trips, the concerts, everything, I realized how much I lived to just see you be happy towards the things you enjoy..

you were asleep for most of our time on the road and I know you apologized over and over again, but I told you I didn't mind at all, i knew your sleep schedule was all over the place and again I was just blessed to have your presence there. when we were waiting in the car for the doors to open, I remember just holding your soft hands while you slept, all I could do was just stare at the soft light bouncing off of your skin, like how could someone look so beautiful so stunning while they slept? did you know I've always thought that about you? it filled me with such warmth and love to witness it.

but there I was, holding your hands and Idk what came over me but I started to get a little teary eyed.. so much was going on at the time and I guess I always lived with this fear of losing you, of not being able to experience things like this with you, and I was just terrified of losing you..

you even woke up and asked me what was wrong, and I spoke about it a little bit and you asked me if I thought you weren't going to chose me, and all of my negative emotions and intrusive thoughts fired into my brain thay you weren't but I stayed confident, I did, I always felt like the odds were against me but I always did my best to just stay strong for you, to be confident, to know that I was meant for you and we were meant for eachother.. I know in time however all of that would kind of slip out of my hands.

Still Though, what a beautiful night, a beautiful experience, one that would be ingrained in my mind and heart forever, and you did that, you always did.

[shenessawright]

My Progress - Week # 7

Hey Tumblr Fam!

I hope this post finds you all in good spirits. 🌟 It's time for a little update on the rollercoaster that is starting my own venture, Lounge Couture. Here's a snapshot of where we're at:

What's Working?

Sales Surge: The response to our lounge wear has been incredible! The sales figures are exceeding our initial projections. It's heartening to see our pieces finding a place in your wardrobes.

Customer Loyalty: The introduction of loyalty programs is fostering a growing base of repeat customers. It's fantastic to witness the loyalty building within our community.

Marketing Momentum: Our marketing strategies, including social media promotions and influencer collaborations, are paying off. They're not just generating sales but also expanding our brand visibility.

What's Not Working?

Brand Recognition: While progress is happening, building brand recognition takes time. We're working on refining our strategies to make Lounge Couture a household name.

Initial Setup Costs: The initial setup costs were a bit higher than expected, impacting our profitability in the first few weeks. It's a learning curve to balance initial investments with long-term gains.

How Do I Feel the Project is Coming?

Honestly, it's a mix of excitement and challenges. Witnessing the positive response to our products is incredibly rewarding, but I'm also constantly learning to navigate the hurdles that come with entrepreneurship. The highs and lows are all part of the journey, right?

What Am I Learning About Running a Business?

Adaptability is Key: Things don't always go as planned, and being able to adapt to unexpected changes is crucial. Whether it's adjusting sales strategies or managing expenses, flexibility is our best friend.

Customer-Centric Approach: It's not just about selling a product; it's about creating an experience. Understanding and responding to customer needs is a continuous process that drives business growth.

Balancing Act: Balancing the budget, especially in the early stages, requires a delicate touch. Every expense matters, and finding the sweet spot between investment and return is an ongoing challenge.

What Am I Learning About Myself?

Resilience: Running a startup requires resilience. Every setback is an opportunity to learn and improve. I'm discovering that setbacks are not roadblocks but rather detours on the path to success.

Passion & Patience: The passion for Lounge Couture keeps me going, but I'm learning that patience is just as crucial. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is a successful business.

Decision-Making Confidence: Trusting my instincts is becoming a powerful skill. Each decision, whether big or small, contributes to the overall growth of Lounge Couture.

So, that's where we are right now. I'm grateful for every person who has supported Lounge Couture so far. Your feedback, purchases, and even the challenges are shaping this venture into something special. Stay tuned for more updates! ✨

[edmturnmeon]

TAEYEON Concert in Singapore - 'The ODD of LOVE' Day 2

Unforgettable Experience at TAEYEON Concert in Singapore, 20th August 2023 IvanYolo I was really excited for TAEYEON concert in Singapore and have waited for it for a while. I love her and her music. She's the only member of SNSD performing in Asia at the moment, so I'm all in for this concert. It's the day before the concert and I'm starting to make content for my vlog. I found TUMY and got on the bus with other SONEs, which was lucky. I found a budget hotel near KL Sentral called PODs The Backpackers Home & Cafe in Brickfields, which was only an 8-minute walk from KL Sentral. I stayed there for a few hours until 4 am and then left for TAEYEON concert in Singapore. I have to use my mobile phone to record the silent vlog and ended up with shaky footage. Well, as you know for concerts, no digital cameras or film cameras are allowed, so I have to leave my camera at home and try out vlog for the first time with my mobile phone. The so-called 40mp phone camera quality is almost like old school compact camera. LOL. I don't mind as long as I enjoyed the concert. Right? It brings me so much excitement to express the fact that I have been an avid follower of the incredibly talented King TAEYEON since the inception of her first 'I' mini album. Being able to witness her musical journey and growth has been an absolute privilege for me. And, to add to my already mounting excitement, this will be my very first time attending a concert by a Korean artist. I was greatly appreciative of my friend's help in getting a ticket to the TAEYEON concert in Singapore. I wasn't able to secure a ticket myself, but my friend was able to get me Day 2 concert tickets. I was thrilled and had planned to go all out and pay whatever the ticket cost was just to get closer to TAEYEON. LOL.

D-1: Taking the Bus to See TAEYEON Concert in Singapore

Let's get fired up in the mood and continue with the journey to TAEYEON concert in Singapore. At 4 am I walked to KL Sentral which took me 10 minutes to reach the meeting point with other Malaysia SONEs to board the bus. However, the bus was slightly behind schedule, causing us to depart a little later than expected at 6.30 in the morning. But the delay couldn't dampen our spirits, and we were all revved up and ready to make the most out of the day ahead!I was lucky to have found TUMY - Taeyeon Union Malaysia and boarded the bus to Singapore. Otherwise, I would have had to travel alone and would probably have gotten lost. The TUMY admins handled everything smoothly for fellow Malaysian SONEs, ensuring that all of us arrived safely at the concert. A day trip would be good enough as I didn't plan to stay overnight, well as Malaysians, you'll know well enough the reason behind it. LOL.Guess what? I was lucky enough to be in TAEYEON's official SM IG here during the Malaysian SONEs photo session but you can't see me as I'm way hidden behind.https://youtu.be/eGCqU3bVi9Q

D-Day: TAEYEON Concert in Singapore

Going through Singaporean immigration is a quick process; simply scan your passport and you're good to go. We arrived at the Singapore Indoor Stadium around noon, with ample time before the concert. Therefore, we decided to have lunch individually at Kallang Wave shopping mall, which is conveniently located beside the stadium. I went to Subway and got myself a sandwich which cost me SGD$7 (RM23.96) and the payment method can be using Visa pay wave or credit cards.In the meantime, I went to Kallang Wave to meet up with a fan who helped me pick up my Girls' Generation official lightstick that I had purchased on Krmerch online for SGD$75. I felt that I needed the GG bong, as I would feel weird going in and back home empty-handed.

At around 3 PM, we all gathered for a photo session. However, I missed the TUMY group photo because I was already busy lining up at the premium entrance, eager to enter the stadium. LOL! I got myself the CAT1 seating just a few rows from behind but that is still okay for as long as I'm there to experience my first TAEYEON concert. Entering the concert was easy, and I had to go through a security check. Just make sure you don't bring anything unimportant, or you will be stopped. The security was quite happy when they saw me bringing only the GG bong, batteries, and nothing else. I even threw away my leftover mineral water before entering. "Wow, it's great that you only brought this with you", the security said. And I replied, "Thank you, thank you!" The opening reel and the moment when TAEYEON first appeared from the shadows on stage for INVU were amazing. It was my first time seeing her in person, and it almost brought me to tears. I'm not exaggerating. I'm pretty sure she was full of energy and performed at 101% on Day 2. By the way, I have compiled the The ODD of LOVE setlist of all the songs she performed in Singapore. I also handpicked some of my favourite songs so feel free to check it out!

The energy in the stadium was electrifying as we all sang along to TAEYEON's best hits, INVU, Fine, Weekend, I, Stress, Spark and many more. There were even moments where I found myself almost teary-eyed as she poured her soul into her performances especially the opening song 'INVU' and when performing 'Fine' where she hit the high note. It was truly a night to remember, and one that I will cherish forever. TAEYEON's undeniable stage presence were absolutely breathtaking, and she always left me in awe with her incredible vocal and dedication to her craft. I can't wait to see her live again and relive this unforgettable experience.At some point during the live concert, I closed my eyes to actually feel her vocals, and that is how you do it. Close your eyes and listen, enjoy for a while with just your ears. Probably you can try it next time because it feels good!Feel free to check out my silent vlog. There's nothing special about it, but you can watch some footage and fan cam I've taken during TAEYEON's concert in Singapore. I hope you won't mind the shaky footage, as it indicates that I was enjoying the concert while taking these videos as memories. Share This: You Might Also Like Related Posts Read the full article

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

3/29/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Joshua 22 - 24

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm Jill. Today is the 29th. There's that spaghetti music 29th day of March, welcome. I'm so glad that you are here. It is my joy, truly, and a privilege. It truly is one of the biggest honors to be able to read the word of God to a community of people who are willing to be here and make yourselves vulnerable before God. Because vulnerability sometimes is not the things that we say or do. Sometimes vulnerability is just showing up. So to show up and be present for the reading of God's word out loud, that's a really big deal. No small task that we do here every day to just be present and hopefully turn off all of the distractions of life around you. I get it. Sometimes people multitask, and especially us women. I think God gives us that ability to do multiple things as women and as mothers, because my husband gets upset, like, you're not present with me and I'm just like, I'm grocery shopping and I'm listening to you at the same time. I can do these things. I can say everything back to you that you just said to me, and I can put groceries in this little cart and pick them up tomorrow. It's a wonderful world we live in. So I get the multitasking thing. But truly, however it is that you pay attention that you hear, I'm glad that you're here to hear and to listen and hopefully to be transformed from the inside out. Guess what? It is the last day in the book of Joshua. Today we're reading Joshua, chapters 22 through 24. And this week we're reading the Evangelical Heritage Version, Joshua, chapter 22.

Commentary

So this concludes the book of Joshua today. And I'll just summarize this pulling from The God of Your Story to orient us on the way out of Joshua before we turn the page into a brand new book of the Bible. Today's reading brought us to the conclusion of the book of Joshua. In finishing this book, we also said goodbye to Joshua. He lived a faithful and incredibly adventurous life until the age of 110. And as his final days approached, he followed in the footsteps of Moses by making sure the people were reminded about who they were, where they come from, and where they were going. At the end of his life, Joshua admonished Israel's leaders to choose whether they would serve the Lord and to forever reject anything else. The people affirmed their allegiance to God. And then Joshua said something striking. You are a witness to your own decision. What made this so powerful is that the people were agreeing that no one else needed to render a verdict. Their lives would serve as a witness against them if they went against their promise. This is a fascinating way to look at our own lives. We are the witnesses for or against our faith based on the way we truly live our lives. We can present an image of just about anything. But underneath it all is the truth. The way we live into our relationships today will be a witness for or against us. The words we choose to say today will be a witness. When we lay our heads down to rest this evening, we will have testified to what we really believe about knowing God. Let's take this to heart today and understand that our lives are the greatest witness for or against what we say we believe. May we come to the same conclusions the children of Israel did so long ago. We will serve the Lord our God. We will obey him alone.

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word today. We thank you as even one chapter in our lives closes, a brand new one is being written and it brings the opportunity of possibility. It doesn't bring us hope. Hope is present. Hope is always present in every situation. Whether life and the circumstances of life look bleak and dark and lonely. Hope is present because you are our living hope and we thank you for that. We move forward knowing that you are with us every step of the journey. We pray this now in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible, that's home-base. Check it out. If you have not take a look around, that is also the app. The app is free. You can check that out. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, we thank you so much for your partnership. We could not do this without you and we are so thankful that we do not have to. If you're giving by mail DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174. Or utilizing that app at the Give icon, it's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. Lastly, look for the Give icon on the website if you need prayer. If you'd like to pray for someone that's previously called in several different ways for you to do so, 800 583-2164. Or once again utilizing that mobile app, hit the red circle button up at the top right hand corner. You have two minutes on the prayer line. Once you are finished recording, hit Submit. Really important step for it to get to the right place. After you hit Submit, turn the wheel over to Chronological and make sure that it gets to the right channel. If you're looking to connect with a fellow DABber, we invite you to do so on our social media platforms Facebook, the official Daily Audio Bible Facebook page. Look for the red logo with the white I believe it is the white windmill. Daily Audio Bible Chronological and then two places for you to connect with one another DAB Friends and DABC friends. And then if you're a lady, I'll meet you over at Daily Audio Bible Women, just like any of those pages or hit follow and you'll be getting all of the daily updates and notifications that's going to do it for me today. We'll turn the page together tomorrow. And I can't wait. I'm Jill. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Hello, my DABC, my family. Love you guys. China, I just wanted to I don't know if you listen to all of these messages that you're getting. There's so many of us, right? But in case you listen to mine, I just want to thank you. I love to read along with you in the weekend, especially when I'm not driving, I'm not on the street, I'm just laid on my bed or sit on my chair, and I just follow along with you, just reading the Bible. And I love it. I love it. Your voice is so soothing, even Brian and your mom's, I just love it. You guys have such a beautiful spirit. I thank you. For what? Everything that you do, the time that you take. I'm praying for you. China, congratulations on your baby. And I'm praying for you that God will just soothe soothe your belly, your stomach, and that from this day on, your pregnancy will be smooth sailing. And thank you so much for sacrificing. Wow. You probably sometimes have read most of the times I've read, feeling nauseated and stuff. I've had two kids myself. I know the feeling. I appreciate you so much. I love you. Love you guys. Love everybody. And I'm enjoying reading the word of God as the years go by. Stay strong, stay encouraged and talk to you more later on. Love you. God bless. Bye bye.

Hello, this is Walking In Truth from Florida, and I wanted to call in with an observation after the March 26 reading. Ashley from Texas called in and as soon as I heard your voice, I knew who you were and was so excited to hear from you. What was really exciting was there was so much joy and happiness and hope and encouragement in your voice and in your words. And I got to thinking, it was about a year ago that you called in asking for prayer. You sounded like you were hopeless and in despair and that you didn't see a way out of your problems with this unplanned pregnancy that you found yourself in. And what occurred to me is that how easy it would be for us to give in to the lies of the enemy when we're going through something really hard and just believe what he has to say. And that is the situation is hopeless. There's no way out. There's nothing that you can do. What good can come out of this? But when we give way and yield to the Savior, that he can turn our situation around and bring about the most amazing blessings that he can and truly does work all things for our good and his glory. And so I'm just so encouraged that not only are you doing well, you are doing so well that you joyfully call in for others. So Lord, I pray that each one struggling today would find you in the midst of the struggle, that you would be the loudest voice they hear and that you would see them out of their tribulation, Lord God, so that you are glorified and their strength is built in Jesus's name.

Hi guys, it's Ashley from Texas. I want to pray for God's child who is struggling with sexual identity. Father God in heaven, we come to you first of all, Lord, asking for forgiveness for our sins and thanking you for your death and resurrection, for saving us, Lord, and for saving us from sins and struggles that we have. Lord, I pray for God's child. I pray that you make it very plain to her who she is in you and that she has peace about it and has joy in it. Lord Satan, I rebuke you in the mighty name of Jesus. I rebuke your plans of confusion and pain and depression and hurt. I rebuke you saying and I send you back to hell where you belong. And I release upon God's child therapy, counseling that will benefit her, that will help her come out of this and come out of it on the other side able to minister and counsel those who are struggling with it behind her. I pray long life for you, God's child, I pray a happy life for you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

[obenvs3000w23]

Unit 10

My ethic as a nature interpreter has evolved over my life, and evolved through taking this course and engaging in meaningful discussion with my peers. Through this course, I have articulated how I interpret nature through art, music, and history all while taking my privilege into account. I gained valuable perspective on my own interpretation by reading about my peer’s personal journey with nature. Going forward, as I continue to develop as an interpreter, I will do so with lots of gratitude. I believe that obtaining knowledge, being mindful, and being grateful, are the most important things we as interpreters can do, and in a nutshell, this is my personal ethic. 

Obtaining knowledge is so powerful. This can be done by reading, watching TV programs such as Blue Planet, by traveling and speaking to people from different backgrounds. The more knowledge we have about nature and its meaning both ecologically and culturally, the more aware we can be as interpreters. I have been lucky enough to travel to incredible destinations, where nature and people are connected in a way that I had never witnessed myself in Canada. Being inspired by the relationships between people and nature that I witnessed in places such as Costa Rica, Bali, Mexico and Hawaii, I decided to educate myself on Indigenous connections with nature. I looked further into Mohawk and Anishinaabe rituals and values regarding nature. As a result, I understand the nature that surrounds me in a way that I had never before. For these reasons, obtaining knowledge is central to my ethics in nature interpretation. 

Next, being mindful is a simple value I hold in many aspects of my life, but only recently have I begun being truly mindful of nature. Growing up, I was not very “outdoorsy”. I never cared for camping or spending long amounts of time outdoors and I was not very mindful of the fragility of our earth. As I have matured and come to build a love for the outdoors, I have learned that our nature is vital to our health, and we must be mindful of the health of the planet. Our society has taken steps to eliminate single use plastics and I can appreciate the importance of that as I have become more mindful of nature. I have made mindful changes in my lifestyle to do my part in preserving our environment, such as walking where I could drive, buying reusable straws, taking the time to learn how to properly recycle and compost. These all sound like miniscule and insignificant changes, but they are my contribution with the limited resources I have as a student. When I spend time outdoors I actually think about how this land is home to so many species and acknowledge the importance of it. These realizations come with maturing and growing up, and being able to understand how I have evolved into somebody who pays attention to the little things is an accomplishment that I, as an interpreter, am proud of. 

Something that naturally comes with being mindful is being grateful. I practice gratitude in my life every single day. I firmly believe that this is so important in leading a happy, healthy life. We must understand our privilege, do the most with what we have, and at the end of the day, be grateful for those around us. When interpreting nature, it is important to be grateful for the beauty and the benefits it brings. From nature, we get food, beauty, medicine, and so much more. More importantly, on the most fundamental level, without nature we would cease to exist. We must explore our world with that gratitude in mind in order to fully interpret it. Looking at the course discussions, we can be grateful for the music and art that was inspired by nature. I am someone who cannot live without music, and many of my favorite songs were inspired by nature. This is such a simple thing but it is important to express gratitude for it. 

Given my ethics, my personal responsibilities as an interpreter are to speak to my peers and people I meet in my travels. I think that talking to people is extremely important. This class, for example, has pushed me as an interpreter just through online discussion. Even though I have never met most of the people I have spoken with in this class, I have learned so much from their experiences in nature. Therefore, I believe my responsibility is to speak to and learn from people.

The approach most suitable for me is traveling. My parents have taught me the importance of learning from other cultures through travel. I am lucky enough to have the resources to travel and experience the world first hand. Through travel, I learn about nature through experience, culture, music and art. The world is so vast and there is so much to see and I hope to be able to immerse myself in it as much as I can. Through traveling, I also can learn so much about history. The discussion that most impacted me is the interpretation through history unit. I looked at my family history and how nature impacted it, and learned about my classmates history and relationships with nature through that lens. I think this is a very important approach to take.

Overall, as I grow as an interpreter, I hope to do so by learning, being mindful, and being grateful. I will do this through traveling and connecting with different landscapes and speaking with different people.