#the hallmark of a well-written character

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Miller's Christmas Tree Farm

Part two - Mistletoe and wine

Summary: You and Ellie move to the farm and meet a very grumpy Joel for the first time. But his mood does not affect how motivated you are for your new job and living out your Hallmark movie fantasy of living on a dreamy snowy farm. And maybe all this planing and working with the, you have to admit, very handsome grump of a man might lead you to start living out your very own love story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: T

Wordcount: 10k (can you believe that???)

Warnings: no outbreak AU, major Hallmark movie vibes, fluff, working through grief and heartbreak, character death, a lot of Christmas planning, a Husky called Edward (after Edward Cullen), pining, teasing, Ellie and Tommy being menaces, a kiss (or two), some making out, tension, feelings

Co- written with @jennaispunk 💜

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Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist // Miller's Christmas Tree Farm Masterlist

Driving up to the farm felt like something straight out of a Hallmark movie. 

Really. 

A fresh layer of snow covered the ground, big, also snow covered trees lining the long driveway. You could see tiny Christmas trees behind the big ones, most likely already growing for upcoming years, bringing a smile to your face.

Not long after a house came into view. 

„Woah,“ Ellie said from the backseat and you nodded. 

„It’s beautiful,“ you said, slowing down. 

There were four buildings, all in dark red. But the biggest one, the one you were pretty sure was the main house had a wrap around porch. It looked well taken care off, the trees surrounding the house adding to the charm. 

You wondered if there were Christmas lights hung in them and you made a mental note to add some if not. 

With a little money and a lot of work getting this farm back on track would hopefully be easy. 

As you parked your car next to an old truck the door of the house sprung open and you noticed Tommy walking out and towards you. 

„You ready Ellie?“ You asked, turning in your seat to look at her.

She only nodded with a shy smile that you mirrored before you took your seatbelt off and opened the car door.  Tommy pulled your door completely open and you thanked him. 

„I’m happy you made it!“ He said as you turned around to open the door for Ellie. 

„I hope you found everything okay?“ Tommy asked. Nodding you helped Ellie out of the car who looked around in wonder. 

„You must be Ellie,“ Tommy said with a smile, getting down on one knee to meet her at eye level. 

„I’m Tommy,“ he introduced himself and held out his hand which Ellie took with a very serious expression, shaking it twice. 

„Is there always this much snow around?“ She asked and you smiled to yourself. 

„This is actually not even bad. I remember one year we had so much snow you couldn’t see the stairs leading up to the house. Might have broken my arm when I tried to jump from the porch into the snow like into a pool,“ he gestured behind him to where six stairs led up to the porch. With big eyes Ellie looked at you. 

„I wanna do that!“ She said excitedly and you rolled your eyes with a sigh. 

„Nope. No more bone breaking for the foreseeable future please,“ you said, walking over to her to put your arm around her shoulders. She let her head fall against your upper arm. Another year and she’d be able to rest her head on your shoulder. 

It was when you looked up that your eyes caught someone else standing on the porch, his eyes trained on you already. 

Tommy followed and turned his head around when he noticed you looking over his shoulder. When Tommy turned his head to look back at you he took a deep breath. 

„And this is my brother Joel. He’s the boss. I promise he’s not as grumpy as he looks,“ he said with a wink to Ellie and she snorted. 

After a moment the man, Joel, made his way down the stairs and towards you. He was taller than Tommy. And broader. He was wearing a brown coat, his hands covered by thick leather gloves. 

His dark hair was hidden beneath a knitted hat, his face, while grumpy, was rather handsome. A salt and pepper beard that looked somewhat trimmed covered his lower face everywhere, all but on a spot on his left cheek. 

But it was his eyes that spoke to you the most. Brown eyes that seemed to say a million things at once as he looked at you. 

His expression was rather grim but as he looked at Ellie standing next to you his eyes softened. At least you thought so as he attempted a smile. 

„I like grumpy people. They usually don’t take any shit just like I do,“ Ellie said proudly and your eyes widened. 

„Language!“ You hissed and she looked at you with a sheepish expression. When you looked back at Joel he had a strange expression before he blinked himself out of it, 

„I’m Joel,“ he gave a single wave and you introduced yourself before doing the same with Ellie. 

„So you are the person my brother can‘t shut up about huh?“ he asked and you hummed. 

„Just trying to help get your business back on track,“ you said and his gaze was fixed on you as if he was trying to figure you out. 

„Just for a place to stay out in the middle of nowhere with two guys you know nothing about,“ he narrowed his eyes and you started to get pissed off. 

„People talk, so I think I know enough about you to be sure that you are not an axe murderer,“ you challenged him, getting worked up, only interrupted by Tommy who cleared his throat. With wide eyes you looked at him and then at Ellie who was looking up at you with a mix of fear and awe.

„Now that that‘s settled I am gonna show you were you will stay while you are with us,“ Tommy said, already walking around your car to get you suitcases out. 

„Little help?“ he called over his shoulder towards his brother, but Joel had already turned his back towards you and was walking towards the barn. 

Joel leaned against the closed barn door after he made it inside and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He should have been a little nicer, you were here to help, but he wasn’t a man who accepted help easily. He was always the one the one who took care of things, got Tommy out of every jam he’d gotten himself into. He was the one who was supposed to fix things and it killed him that he was failing at this. He opened the barn door a crack, watching Tommy walk you and Ellie to your new place. A crooked smile crossed his lips as he watched you take a suitcase from Tommy as he opened the front door. 

Tommy had failed to mention you were so pretty. Bastard. 

You looked down at Ellie before you sighed. 

„Are you sure he‘s not an axe murderer?“ she asked in a loud whisper, making you and Tommy chuckle. 

„He‘s not. Though when he’s had a beer too many he sure sounds like chain saw at night. He‘s… He‘s gonna come around,“ Tommy said as he grabbed two of your suitcases. Ellie ran over to him and grabbed her box of painting supplies. 

„I hope he will,“ you mumbled as you picked up another suitcase and followed Tommy and Ellie towards the house.

You were running your fingers through Edward Cullen‘s fur, iPad in your lap as you worked on your plan for the next six weeks.

It was day three of your stay at the Miller‘s farm and you had not really talked to Joel since your arrival. You had seen him in passing, the scowl always on his face as he gave you a curt nod before he disappeared. 

You and Ellie had settled into your new little apartment. 

It was big enough for the both of you and had running water. Tommy said that him and Joel had decided that they would set up a new kitchen if things went okay and you decided to stay her permanently. 

Or if Joel hadn‘t made you run away by then. 

Tommy told you that you were more than welcome to use the kitchen of the main house and that was more than okay for you. And definitely for Tommy because while he loved to eat, you loved to cook. 

It had been some time since you had more than just you and Ellie to cook for and you took full advantage of the big farmhouse kitchen that was in the main house.

Ellie had begged you to go out with Tommy in his snow mobile when he had to check on some things on the property after at least fifteen inches of snow had come down last night. You made her promise to listen to everything Tommy said after you checked in with him if it was okay. 

As you watched them leave, playfully fighting each other until they were inside the snow mobile, both laughing loudly, you just knew that these both would be trouble in the future. 

There was something in his eyes as he told you that he missed having someone around who was actually excited to spend time with him and he promised you he would take care of Ellie like she was family.

Joel was out, which was why you had decided to lounge in a cozy armchair in front of the fire place in the main house (of course after making sure it would be okay). Tommy had told you that Joel would most likely be out until the evening and even if he was home earlier it would still be okay. 

You and Ellie had explored around the farm over the last two days and you pretty much fell in love with the place right away. 

It only needed a little help to bring the magic back and you had several ideas on how to accomplish that. Even apart from Christmas you had ideas, but December was fast approaching so these events would have to be planned first. 

You already checked in with Tommy for some logistics such as the snow maze you wanted to set up and he told you it should not be a problem. There was plenty of snow around after all. 

Your plan involved three different events every weekend leading up to Christmas and a big Christmas Ball / Party on Christmas Eve. 

The budget would be tight, but you had already checked out some local vendors you wanted to contact who could be part of the events. Such as the bakery and coffee house for drinks and food.

You were focused on writing down the last couple of ideas when Edward‘s head snapped up and he began to impatiently whine before he ran away from you and towards the door. 

You were about to check if someone was at the door when said door opened and Joel walked in. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts as he leaned down to pat Edwards head, following the dog who immediately trotted back to you to snuggle back against you.

Joel arched his brow, not expecting to find you in the main house. He’d been avoiding you as much as possible, trying to keep your interactions to a minimum, mostly because every moment he spent with you he found himself liking you more. He found himself drawn to the easy way you joked and laughed with Tommy, he was almost a little jealous of how the two of you interacted. He saw how patient and gentle you were with Ellie. Your joy was infectious and he even caught himself smiling when he thought of something you said or the was you would sass him when you thought he was out of line. You made him feel things he thought he’d buried long ago. 

And he hope you hadn’t caught him starring at you yet, because somehow his eyes seemed to follow you whenever you were around. 

You gulped, suddenly a little nervous. 

„Uhm… Tommy said it was okay to stay here cause you were out. The WIFI up here is better. But I can leave if you….“

He interrupted you as he shook his head.

„Stay,“ he said and the surprise was clearly written on your face as he added a whispered „Please.“

You nodded slowly at him and he nodded back before he turned around and began to take off his coat and shoes. 

Meanwhile you got back to your list, counting through the last numbers of what this all would cost and how much it could bring in. You did not know how much in debt the farm was, but Tommy told you they‘d need a small miracle so they wouldn‘t have to sell parts of the land or the whole place.

„Do you want some coffee?“ you heard Joel asked and looked up, finding him standing in the doorway. He seemed to have changed into some sweatpants and a black shirt and his hair seemed to be still wet. 

Your eyes lingered on his broad arms for a moment too long before you furrowed your brows, looking at the time. 

„It‘s almost 4pm. If I drink one now I won‘t be able to sleep,“ you said and he huffed a laugh. 

„Tea?“ he asked again and you found yourself nodding at him. 

„Which one?“ he asked as he walked back towards the kitchen. 

„Surprise me?“ you called after him, a little confused that he seemed to suddenly talk to you. For some reason you found yourself turning on the front camera of your iPad to check you appearance. 

It was a couple minutes later when you heard his footsteps again. He walked into the room two mugs in his hands. 

„I hope you like apple tea. It‘s apparently the only one we got,“ he shrugged as he sat the mug down on the small table in front of you. 

„Thanks,“ you said, somehow nervous.

Joel lingered as if unsure what to do as he took a sip from his mug. 

„Uhm I wanted to apologise how our fist meeting went. I‘m…. Obviously not the best with people,“ he said, one of his hands rubbing over the back of his neck. 

„Oh,“ you said dumbly, blinking up at him. 

You might have missed the short moment the right side of his lips lifted as if he wanted to smile if you had looked away. 

„Yeah,“ he said with a sigh, letting his gaze wander through the room before he was looking at you and then his dog laying with his head in his lap. 

„Edward seems to make up for my shitty behaviour,“ and there it was finally, a small smile from Joel Miller.

„He‘s a good dog,“ you said, stroking him behind his ears. 

„Why Edward Cullen though?“ Tommy had told you about the name but said to ask Joel if you wanted to know more. 

Joel took a deep breath before he sat down on the couch next to you. 

„My daughter named him,“ he said quietly and you nodded slowly, knowing a little about what happened to her. 

„Thought it was funny cause she could made me yell after Edward Cullen in the woods every single time,“ he smiled to himself, his eyes unfocused, probably deep in a memory he was replaying in his mind. 

„She seemed like a funny girl,“ you said softly and he looked up at you. 

„She was,“ he whispered and you somehow got the impression that he did not want to talk any more about her. 

So you took a deep breath. 

„Do you… want to hear about the ideas I have for the farm?“ you asked slowly. 

„You got one?“ 

„I have several and I have answers for all your questions,“ you pursed your lips, challenge in your eyes. 

„Well now I wanna hear em,“ he said as he slipped closer to you so he could see what you had written. 

„How much more fucking snow do we need?“ you heard Joel yell from where he was sitting up in the tractor. 

Much to your surprise he had agreed to almost all of your ideas.

You just had to lower the budget because he had admitted that he did not have enough to cover all the new lights you had suggested. But much to your surprise he had shown you the whole basement of the barn full of boxes of Christmas decoration. 

You were already excited to get through them with Ellie when she got back from school this afternoon. 

But now you were across the barn, Tommy and Joel both in the tractors as they shovelled snow into what would later become the snow maze. You had already contacted a local catering service who had food trucks and they agreed to set up one of their coffee and sweets trucks here free of charge until Christmas. One of their workers would be there every day to take care of what you hoped would be a lot of customers. 

„Enough snow for a maze? Maybe I shouldn‘t have let Ellie plan it,“ you said to yourself, doubt creeping into your mind as you looked down at the plan. 

She didn‘t know that the maze you asked her to paint would be the plan of the actual maze that would get set up behind the barn for the whole of December. You thought it would be a great way to have some income over the whole week. It would be open daily between 4 pm - 7 pm and costs $5 per person. 

Joel had agreed right away, thinking that this idea was the one that cost him almost nothing but some work to build the maze.

„I like her plan. Except for the killer snowman in the middle. Don‘t think we can build one of those,“ Tommy yelled as he shovelled more snow.

„Oh I don‘t know. That was the best part of it,“ you grinned. 

„We just put Joel in the middle of the maze every morning and hide his coffee. Boom, Killer Snowman,“ Tommy teased and you tried to hide your smile as you heard Joel yell „I heard that.“

You left towards lunch time to pick up Ellie from school and go to the local library to print out a bunch of the flyers you had put together. You had already send message around and asked almost all the local vendors it they would hang them up and all of them agreed. You also had received quite a lot of feedback in your search for vendors who would like to join the events every week to get some exposure. 

Everything was coming together much easier than you anticipated. You weren’t used to such small towns where everyone seemed to have everyone’s back.

But the biggest surprise had been Joel.

It had only been four days since you had your talk and he had already offered some additional ideas for the events. He also had started to have a mug of tea ready for you every morning when he knew you arrived back from getting Ellie to school. 

Something that left you with a warm feeling every time you thought about it. And about him too. 

It wasn‘t that he had changed completely. He still had what you would call a resting bitch face throughout the day but there was something flickering behind this… facade he put on. 

Because somehow you imagined that there was a completely different Joel somewhere hiding in this big, very attractive, grump of a man.

Joel was fucked. 

He was so fucked and he did not now how to get out of not being fucked. 

Because the reason he was fucked was living in the apartment he had set up many years ago to rent it out as an Airbnb. You and your daughter were living there and somehow from the first moment he had seen you he knew that spending time with you would get dangerous for the lonely life he had been living since Sarah passed.

Since he hid away all the parts of himself that could still get hurt even after all the shit he went through. 

He thought he could be… content for the rest of his life, living alone on his farm until one day he would just… die alone. Tommy would marry his girlfriend Maria and move away because he wouldn‘t be able to take Joel being the rock that held him back from living his life. 

But ever since you showed up, he found himself asking more often if maybe, just maybe he should try again. Try not to be just content with life, but to try to be happy. 

He could be happy with you, maybe. 

Sure, he would have to get to know you properly which would involve him actually talking more than two sentences to you, but he could do that. Somehow. 

He just wasn’t sure how, because every time he looked at you it was like someone pushed the stop button inside his brain and once he finally found some words, you were gone. 

„She likes raspberry tea the most,“ he was startled as Ellie leaned on the porch next to him, a small grin on her lips. Her face was flushed from playing in the halfway build snow maze with Tommy.

„Huh?“

„My mom. Her favourite tea is raspberry. Or if you rather make coffee buy caramel sweetener. She loves that too,“ Ellie said and he frowned before he looked up again, catching you inside his kitchen, making dinner. 

„Why would I want to know her favourite tea or coffee?“ he asked and saw Ellie roll her eyes. 

„Cause you keep looking at her all the time without talking to her,“ she said. 

„I do?“ he asked, surprised at being caught by a nine year old. 

„Duh. Even Tommy noticed,“ she said, before she turned around to walk inside, stopping at the door to turn back around to him. 

„Just… Don‘t be a dick. Cause I might be a kid but my dad was a dick to her and I don‘t want to ever see her cry because of…. I want her to be happy, okay?“

„Okay,“ Joel frowned. 

„And I like you dude. Even though you look like someone stole Christmas from you most of the time so…. Anyway,“ she mumbled before she opened the door and ran inside. 

He could still hear you scold Ellie for keeping her shoes on when he turned around towards his brother who was walking up the stairs. 

„You heard all of that, huh?“ Joel asked with a sigh. 

„Yep,“ Tommy grinned. 

„Didn’t think I would ever get scolded by a nine year old,“ Joel hummed. 

„Again. You thought you would never get scolded by a nine year old again,“ Tommy said and Joel sighed. 

„You like her?“ Tommy asked and Joel rubbed his hand over his face. 

„Cause she‘s kinda awesome. And Ellie too.“

„Yeah. They’re both pretty damn special,“ Joel agreed.

„So get her her favourite tea and some sweetener and start talking to her. Can‘t make a worse impression than you already did,“ Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. 

But Tommy let go of teasing his older brother. For now. 

„Ready for homemade dinner?“ Tommy asked, already rubbing his hands. 

„I‘ll kill you if you try anything funny,“ Joel warned, hearing Tommy laugh as he walked inside, ignoring Joel completely. 

Weekend 1 - Snow man building contest

The week leading up to the first competition was long and exhausting. But looking around now into the little winter wonderland you all had made, you were proud. Joel and Tommy had gotten some people together the day before to help decorating the rest of the farm and set everything up. 

You all had a blast decorating the whole farm with the endless pieces of decoration that had been stored in the basement. 

Joel had even opened up a little more towards you as you tested the lights the day before, telling you that celebrating Christmas was hard for him because it reminded him of everyone that he lost in the last years. 

The vendors had arrived earlier this morning and were already setting up. 

You had three different food trucks and a bunch of vendors selling self-made crafts and art. 

With the snow maze opening four days ago word had gotten around even quicker that Miller‘s farm had a lot happening in the next weeks and people were curious. 

You hoped a lot of people would show up tonight to join the competition and of course, to buy Christmas trees. 

„You look nervous,“ Tommy said as he came to stand next to you on the porch. 

„Me? Nooo. I‘m totally fine and not nervous about all of this being for nothing when no one shows up and your brother ends up hating me even more,“ you gave a humourless laugh.

„He still not talking to you?“ Tommy asked and you sighed. 

„He‘s not not talking to me. It‘s just…. It feels like he‘s forcing himself to talk to me for some reason. But then he‘s making me a drink every morning and somehow he even figured out my favourites. He‘s so…. Frustrating,“ you sighed and Tommy chuckled. 

„Seems to me like the two of you need to spend more time together.“

„Why? He‘s technically my boss.“

„Have you ever signed a contract?“ Tommy asked with a small grin and your eyes widened. 

„Oh my god I didn‘t. What is wrong with me?“ you asked yourself while Tommy chuckled. 

„I won‘t answer that question. But I do have an idea on how to get Joel to talk to you,“ he grinned and the way he grinned let you narrow your eyes. 

„And what genius Idea is that?“ you asked.

„How do you feel about building a snow man?“

„Thank you all for coming out tonight! We are about to start the contest part of this day so you can all back to enjoying the mulled wine Martia sells over there," Tommy grinned, nose already a little read from the second mulled wine he had, megaphone in hand as he took over hosting the competition. 

You were kind of overwhelmed with how many people had shown up. And not only for the contest you were hosting, but according to Joel they had sold as many Christmas trees today as in the whole last season combined. 

„We have eight teams, and I wanna see eight snow men. The winner gets the right to brag about it and a gift card from the best restaurant in town!“ Tommy continued to explain. Looking up at Joel who was standing next to you, you felt nervous. Not because you had been surprised by participating in the contest yourself, but because it was Joel who you had been partnered with. 

Your first choice of course had been Ellie, but she had begged you to let her and her new friends play in the snow maze. And you couldn’t just say no to her big brown eyes.

Joel seemed reluctant at first to participate at all, but after a little talk with Tommy he agreed. You wondered if he would have still agreed if he knew that Tommy bet 10$ with you to build a grumpy snowman that could be mistaken for his brother. 

„Ready to build the worlds best snowman?“ He asked you as Tommy yelled down a countdown. 

„You bet your ass, Miller,“ you winked, hearing him chuckle. 

So you might have underestimated the competitiveness of Joel Miller. 

As soon as Tommy yelled start he was on his knees, his big, glove covered hands gathering snow to start on the base for the snowman. 

„So I have a confession to make," you said, putting more snow on the middle part of the snowman while Joel already worked on forming a head. 

„Huh?“ Joel asked, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. 

„I have never build a snowman ever before,“ you said, patting the snow on. 

Joel’s eyes moved to look at you and he gave you a small smile that showed his dimple. 

„Would it be rude to say, I thought so?“ He said and your mouth dropped open in mock shock. 

„Kind of, but then again, rude is your reputation,“ you chuckled.

He hummed, still working on the snowman. You caught Tommy’s eyes on you as you let your gaze wander around. 

„Guess I have to work on being nicer,“ Joel said and you looked at him. 

„To everyone?“ You asked and he stopped working to look at you, before he shook his head. 

„Nah. I worked hard on my reputation. But I’d like to be nicer to the people I am living with. Like Tommy and Ellie…. And you,“ he said and you found yourself grinning up at him. 

„Yeah?“ you asked and he nodded. 

„And because I’m gonna start right now, I am going to nicely tell you to stop ruining this snowman and let me do the work,“ he said and you found yourself huffing a laugh.

With crossed arms you were standing in front of the Snowman Joel build and you decorated. Ellie was standing next to you and Joel as you watched the judges check out your snowman. 

„So… whose Idea was to build a Joel snowman?“ Ellie asked and you sucked both your lips between your teeth to keep yourself from laughing as Joel looked at Ellie.

"What do you mean?“ He asked, confused. 

„Flannel, crooked carrot nose, even the mouth looks like it's frowning. That's one hundred percent a Joel snowman,“ she said and you could feel Joel's eyes on your while you tried to appear busy looking at the Christmas lights you had put up yesterday.

When you couldn't take it anymore you finally looked up at Joel whose eyes were narrowed on you. 

Just when he was about to say something Tommy stepped back with his megaphone, telling everyone that we had a winner. 

And when he announced that Joel, the snowman was the winner of this competition you found yourself in the arms of Joel Miller for the first time, in a hug that not only you would remember for a long time.

Weekend 2 - Scavenger hunt 

The snow maze and snow man building competition was a huge hit, even more than you had anticipated. You expected it might take people a bit to start coming out to the farm, but they showed up in droves; families, groups of teenagers, and even the mayor came out! 

With the snowman building competition out of the way, you focused your attention on the next event: a scavenger hunt. Everything was was ready to go, all you needed was to go into town and pick up the worksheets for the hunt. You carefully selected places around the farm that the hunters would take pictures, answer riddles or pick up a token and the winner received 25 percent of a tree and some handmade ornaments of their choosing from one of the vendors. Joel had initially fought the tree discount but you and Tommy wore him down and he eventually gave in. 

“Ellie, I have to get to the printers. Hurry up!”

Ellie was running around with Edward. The two of them had really bonded and it was nice to see Ellie laughing and playing like a kid again and you suspected Edward loved having a kid to play with again too. You watched as she ran with a stick in her hand, Edward chasing after her barking and jumping.

“Do I gotta?” Ellie whined. “Edward and I just started playing.”

They’d been playing for the last thirty minutes but you weren’t about to argue that point with a nine year old. Before you could open your mouth to repeat yourself, Tommy walked up. 

“Let her stay here and play with the dog. I’ll keep my eye on her.”

Joel came stalking out of the barn, wiping his hands with a handkerchief. He made his way over to you and Tommy as he tucked the fabric into his back pocket. 

“The spark plugs are bad on the goddamn tractor.” he grumbled. “Gotta head into town.”

Tommy’s brows arched to the sky as the corners of his lips curled into a shit eating grin. 

“Well, ain’t that funny?” His eyes dart to you. 

“You gotta go into town too, don’t ya? Y’all should ride together. Save gas.”

You shoot daggers at Tommy. Ever since the two of you built that snowman, he’s tried to push you and Joel together. Tommy’s efforts had only led to awkward moments between you and Joel, neither one of you sure how to navigate whatever was happening between you. 

If looks could kill, Tommy would be dead. Joel resisted the urge to reach out and wring Tommy’s neck. His little brother never knew when to quit, he was like a dog with a bone when he was up to something. Joel’s breath lingered like a cloud in the chilly air. You made him nervous, like a teenage boy with his first crush. This was his chance to get you alone without Tommy or Ellie butting in, the one thing he longed for and dreaded at the same time. He needed to get his head out of his ass and just talk to you, it shouldn’t be that hard. 

You turn your attention to Joel. The worry lines on his brow run deep, it’s almost like he’s fighting with himself. His right hand clenches into a fist and then relaxes.

“You don’t have-“ 

You’re trying to give Joel an out. The tension is rolling of him and the last thing you want is an uncomfortable trip into town. 

“It’s fine.” Joel interrupted. The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. “The print shop is on the way to the hardware store. No sense in both of us driving into town.”

That was a surprise. You half expected him to come up with a reason that you couldn’t ride together. 

Your eyes dart to Tommy. He’s grinning like the cat who caught the canary and you want to smack him and hug him at the same time. You bet Joel feels the same way about his brother too. 

“You sure about keeping an eye on Ellie?”

“I’m sure.” he answered with a wink. 

“Thanks.”

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to get Joel to really talk to you, to understand him better. 

“If she gets bored, I’ll put her to work.” Tommy teased. 

Ellie playfully sticks her tongue out at Tommy but he just laughs. 

“Ellie!” you scold. 

You sigh. You’re really not that upset with her but sometimes she needs to remember that she’s just a kid. 

“Just be good for Tommy, okay?”

“We’ll be fine, mom.” Ellie huffed.

She grabs Tommy’s hand, pulling him away from you and Joel. 

“Come on, I wanna show you the new trick I taught Edward.”

Joel opens the passenger door for you and gently holds your elbow as you host yourself up, his mama taught him to be a gentleman. He feels you tense up for a brief moment but he stays silent. The last thing he wants to do is make this any more awkward than it already was. He climbs into the cab and looks over at you to make sure you buckled your seatbelt, something he would always do every time Sarah got in the truck with him. The truck roars to life and he puts it in gear. 

You glance out the window as you move down the driveway. Ellie is laughing as Edward leaps into the air and catches the ball midair. You bite your bottom lip and lightly tap your fingers against your thigh. It’s not that you don’t trust Tommy but ever since Ellie’s accident you’ve had a hard time leaving her with anyone. 

For several minutes, the silence hangs between you. Joel drums his fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally glancing over at you. He can see how tense you are. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand and clears his throat. 

“She’ll be fine.” He drawled. “Tommy’ll take good care of her.”

He pauses for a few beats before continuing.

“He was always the best uncle to Sarah.” 

He speaks so softly that you barely heard him. Was this really happening? Was Joel finally opening up to you? You turn your head to look at him and swallow hard. Part of you was screaming at you to let it go, let Joel open up at his own pace but the more impulsive side of you won out. 

“Did they…spend a lot of time together?” you asked quietly. 

Joel is quiet for a few moments. The muscles of his jaw twitch as he remembers. He hasn’t talked about Sarah to anyone but Tommy in a very long time. Even with Tommy, it was hard to talk about her most of the time. Talking about Sarah meant that he had to acknowledge that she was gone and he couldn’t save her.

“Yeah, all we had was each other.” he answered softly. “Sarah’s mom and I split when Sarah was just a baby and Tommy really stepped up even though he was still a kid himself. He’d play dolls with her and he’d come over for tea parties…”

His voice cracked as he trailed off and your heart broke for him. Almost losing Ellie nearly broke you, you couldn’t imagine what losing her would have done to you.You lift your hand to cover his on the center console and then pull it back. You’re not sure if touching him would just make it worse and you let your hand drop back into your lap.

When he doesn’t say anything more, you sigh. It’s time to change the subject, getting him talking about something, anything less painful. Sarah was a subject the two of you could discuss later. You rack your brain to come up with a safe topic, but you’ve got nothing and the silence grows. 

Joel cards his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t meant to get into such a deep conversation with you and get emotional. He can’t even guess what you must be thinking right now. He could see you struggling out of the corner of his eye and he knew he had to keep this whole thing derailing before it even started. He reaches over and turns on the radio. A country tune flows quietly through the speakers. 

Even though the music isn’t loud, you immediately recognise the tune as one of your favourites. Without a second thought, you reach over and turn up the volume a bit and quietly sing along. You catch Joel softly drumming on the steering wheel along with the song and you smile. Music. That’s a safe topic. 

When the song ends, you lower the volume on the radio. You’re feeling confident that you can get Joel talking again. 

“You like that song, too?” 

Joel turns his head toward you for a brief moment, a shy crooked smile on his lips. 

“It’s one of my favourites.”

Back at the farm, Tommy watches over Ellie as she plays with Edward. 

“Hey, kid!”

Ellie jogs over to Tommy with Edward loping behind. She stops in front of him, panting softly, her cheeks rosy from the cold. 

“What’s up?”

“I gotta plan to get your mom and Joel together but I’m gonna need your help. You in?” he asked. 

Ellie’s eyes light up. She just wants her mom to be happy. 

“I’m in.”

You make your stops at the hardware store and the print shop and head back toward the farm. You even talk Joel into picking up dinner from the diner on the way home. The two of you are talking, really talking, without any of the awkwardness that marred most of your previous conversations. Joel loves music just as much as you do and the two of you discuss your favourite songs and artists. 

The drive back to the farm flies by and before you knew it, Joel was pulling in the driveway. And that’s when he dropped the bomb on you that he played guitar. Your jaw dropped as he uttered those words. You couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to sit with Joel by the fireplace as he played for you. 

“Maybe you could play for me sometime?” 

“Maybe.”

The first few contestants begin to filter in and you take a deep breath. The snowman building competition was a huge success, why wouldn’t this be? You hope you haven’t  make any of the clues too difficult; the idea was for this to be fun and get people exploring the farm. Once everyone had their sheets, you sent them out onto the farm with a time limit of 90 minutes. You had a great turn out, your sign up sheet had filled up within a week. The steady stream of people coming in to buy trees snapped you from your worry about the scavenger hunt. A couple with the cutest little girl came in, asking about a tree. The little girl reminded you of Ellie at that age, so curious and wide eyed. 

Joel watched as you helped the couple. You just had a way with people. Your smile was effortless; he was sure you could charm the pants off Ebenezer Scrooge himself. Hell, you managed to soften him up. The way you interacted with that little girl took his breath away; you were so gentle and patient. You laughed at something the little girl said and his heart fluttered in his chest. That was a sound he could get used to hearing. 

“Earth to Joel.”

Ellie stood in front of Joel, waving her little hands. 

He shook his head and looked down at Ellie. His cheeks flushed at being caught staring at you. 

“What…what do ya need, kiddo?” he asked 

Ellie smirked at him. 

“Tommy needs your help with a tree.”

“Sure.” 

Joel glanced your way one last time before walking toward the truck.

You checked your watch for the tenth time in the last few minutes, you expected the participants back any minute now. Two younger men came barreling toward you at a dead run. As they got closer you recognised them, they had arrived together with their wives and playfully trash-talked to each other while they waited for the scavenger hunt to start. You giggled as they bumped into each other and slid on the snow. 

The blond one got to you a hair before his buddy; it looked as though you had a winner. You collected his tokens and checked the photos as the rest if the participants trickled in. 

“On behalf of the Miller brothers, I want to thank everyone for coming out today. Your support is greatly appreciated and we all look forward to seeing you next weekend for the tree cutting competition. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.” 

You announce the winner to the crowd and steer the winning couple toward Tommy and Joel. 

“Don’t forget, we’re having a Christmas Eve barn dance and we’d love to see you all there.”

You wave to the winning couple as they pull away with their new Christmas Tree tied to their roof. Tommy waves too but Joel stands there with his hands shoved in his pockets and you not so gently elbow him in the ribs. You hear the air rush from his lungs and stifle a giggle but he raises an arm and waves. 

Joel rubs his side as the car rolls out of sight. He should have known that you would call him out but he can’t bring himself to be mad about it. He likes that you aren’t afraid to stand up to him, it makes things interesting. 

“I can’t believe I discounted a tree that much.” he grumbled as the three of you walk toward the main house. 

“Oh, quit complaining.” you told him, playfully rolling your eyes. “I’m making your favourite for dinner to make it up to you.”

All throughout dinner you notice Ellie glancing at Tommy. She has that look in her eye that tells you she’s up to something, but you don’t have a clue as to what it could be. Tommy, for the most part, is his normal self and you just brush it off as Christmas excitement. 

You push yourself away from the table and begin clearing the dishes. Joel immediately gets up and starts grabbing plates. 

“Let me help you with those.” he offered. 

You smile and nod before turning toward the kitchen. Tommy and Ellie’s eyes go wide each time you or Joel pass through the door way. After the third time, you stop in the doorway and glare at them. Joel stopped in the doorway when he saw the look on your face. 

“What’s up with the two of you tonight?” You asked. 

Tommy does his best to look confused and innocent. You glance over at Ellie as she tries to stifle her giggles. 

“What do ya mean?” Tommy answered.

You sigh and put your hand on your hip. You know something is going on and you’re not going to let it go until you get an answer. 

“What do I mean?” you ask. “I mean this.”

You gesture between the two of them. 

“The two of you are up to something….out with it.”

The tone of your voice leaves no room for argument. You’re using your ‘mom’ voice now. Ellie knows from experience that you’re not messing around and she looks down at the table. 

Tommy, on the other hand, is not so easily cowed. He stares at you for a moment, the corner of his lips curling into a smile. 

“Look up.” Tommy said. 

You and Joel raise your eyes and see mistletoe hanging from the header. It’s feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. Your cheeks burn as your eyes meet Joel’s and he chuckles nervously. 

“Now you have to kiss!” Ellie squeals before dissolving in a fit of laughter. 

You take a breath and smile at Joel. It’s just a kiss, right? People do it all the time. It doesn’t have to mean anything, except for the fact that you want it to mean something. 

You tilt your chin and and brush your lips across Joel’s bearded cheek. There, you did it. You kissed Joel and now everyone can go on with their lives. 

“Happy?”

You level your gaze at Tommy. This was his idea, you’re sure of it. 

Tommy smirks at you, enjoying your discomfort. He’s probably going to get an ear full later, but it’ll be worth it. 

“Doesn’t count.” he tells you. 

“Doesn’t count?” you shoot back, your voice slightly rising in pitch. 

“It doesn’t count.” he repeats. “It has to be on the lips or it doesn’t count.”

Your jaw dropped. You could kill Tommy right now. It would be embarrassing enough to kiss for your first kiss with Joel to be in front of his brother but your daughter is here too. You imagined your first kiss would be different…and in private. 

“Yeah.” Ellie piped in. “It’s like the law or something.”

Joel watches the whole exchange barely suppressing a smile. He should be pissed that Tommy set the two of you up like this, but he’s not. He’s been looking for an excuse to kiss you since he met you and his brother just gave him one. He wraps one arm around your waist and slowly pulls you closer. 

“They want a show, darlin’.” he rasped. “Let’s give ‘em one.” 

His soft lips met yours and the rest of the world melted away. You raised up on your toes as your left had gripped his flannel shirt. His lips parted to suck in your lower lip, his beard lightly scraping your chin. He held the kiss for a few moments and the pulled away, leaving you both a little breathless. 

“Oooooooh!” Ellie exclaimed. 

The heels of your shoes hit the floor with a soft thud and you let go of his shirt. Did that really just happen? It wasn’t much of a kiss, as far as kisses go. It was like a kiss you’d see at a wedding ceremony, tame and a bit chaste but it would be seared in your minds for a long time after tonight. 

It was only later, once you and Ellie made your way back towards your apartment that you noticed the many mistletoes that definitely hadn't been there earlier today hanging everywhere throughout the house and porch and you found yourself smiling at Tommy’s and Ellie's meddling. 

Weekend 3 - Tree cut competition

For some reason, you kept spacing out throughout the days leading up to you final competition. Of course you’d say it's because of all the planing you have to do for the final dance and fundraiser.

But you know it's because of Joel. 

Joel and how his hands held you. Joel and his soft brown eyes as he looked down at you under the mistletoe.

Joel and his lips as he kissed you. 

It was just one kiss. One kiss the two of you hadn’t talked about since it happened, but you found yourself wishing more and more that there would be more.

More kisses. 

More touching.

More…..

"Daydreaming again?“ you jumped when you heard Tommy's voice next to you. You were standing at the kitchen window, looking out over the fields that were covered by yet another fresh layer of snow. 

"Huh?" you asked, looking at the grinning younger Miller brother. 

„Nothing. Nothing. I have a favour to ask,“ he said and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, raising one eyebrow.

„Need more help from my daughter to hang up more mistletoes?“ You asked, seemingly annoyed, but not really. 

„Nope. Our decoration work is done for now. Actually I wanted to ask if you could bring Joel his lunch on your way to pick up Ellie from school. He’s working on the far end of the farm today and I have customers all morning. He’s cutting down more trees for this weekend," he said and you hummed. 

„You want me to bring Joel lunch?“ You asked again, and he nodded. 

„Okay," you shrugged, before turning away from him. Clearly he anticipated some kind of argument, finding him looking at you with his lips parted in surprise when you looked back at him. 

"What?" you asked, seemingly unbothered.

„Uh.... Nothing. I’ll…. I’ll get to the front then,“ he mumbled. 

„Right. Because there are customers," you nodded and he nodded back, turning around to walk out. 

„Jep. Lots of customers,“ he said, disappearing out of the kitchen as you smiled to yourself, before you went over to the fridge to prepare a sandwich for Joel. 

You were thankful that thanks to almost getting lost in the woods on the farm at the beginning of your stay here, Tommy and Joel had insisted you’d share your location with them when you were on the farm and vice versa. 

It was how you were able to find out exactly were Joel was working today. Driving the old truck carefully through the snow you followed your phone, Joel’s location getting closer and closer until you could see his truck parked next to a big tree. 

Parking your car you grabbed the sandwich and the thermos of hot coffee you had prepared for him when you stepped out of the car. He could’t be too far away now. 

Following the trail his boots must have made when he arrived you walked in between fully grown Christmas trees, some already cut down and packed ready to transport them back closer towards the farm when you spotted him. 

He had taken his warm coat off, only wearing his green flannel, sleeves rolled back over his elbows as he swung the axe to cut down a tree. 

For a moment time seemed to stop as you watched this… manly man use all his strength to cut down a tree. Suddenly feeling hot as you watched a line of sweat roll down his temple you didn’t watch were you're going, your feet missing something lying on the ground, eyes widening and a yelp that had Joel looking up at you escaping your lips as you tripped, already seeing yourself landing face first in the snow when you felt an arm wrap around your middle, seemingly catching you just seconds before you could fall. 

Joel held you up, arm wrapped around your stomach, your back against his chest. 

„You okay?“ he asked, out of breath.

Taking a shakily breath you nodded, eyes closing as you melted against him for just a second before you turned around, his arms giving you space to do so. 

„Quite the reflexes you got there, Miller,“ you said with a small smile. You thought you saw his cheeks reddening just the tiniest bit before he chuckled. For a moment the two of you just looked at each other before you cleared your throat. 

„I brought you lunch. Tommy asked me to,“ you said.

„Oh. That’s.... That's very nice of you,“ he smiled a little. 

„It’s nothing. You need your strength after doing all of... that,“ you gestured around before you have him the sandwich you had packed and the thermos with coffee you had prepared. Thankfully nothing had spilled or been ruined by your almost fall. 

„Thank you darlin’“ he said and you felt the butterflies everywhere hearing him call you that. 

One moment you caught him glancing at your lips, the next moment he had you pressed against the side of his truck, lunch forgotten on the passengers seat as he kissed you. 

Lips moving against yours as his body towered above you, caging you in. 

You gasped as you felt his hand on the back of your neck, tilting your head up to get even closer as he used your lips parting against his to deepen the kiss. 

You didn’t know if it was seconds, minutes or hours that he kissed you, before he parted from you, resting his forehead against yours. 

„I gotta pick up Ellie,“ you whispered and he nodded. 

„Can I come see you later?“ he asked and now it was you who nodded. 

Instead of answering you he kissed you again. And you might or might have not needed a couple of minutes after in your truck to calm yourself down, before you finally made your way towards town to pick up Ellie. 

And Joel?

Joel enjoyed the sandwich you made for him that was way better than the lunch he brought for himself. A lunch he had prepared while his brother had been with him in the kitchen. 

"Can't believe you talked me into this," Joel grumbled, pulling at the fake beard that was covering half of his face. 

„Me? Talking you into doing something? Nuh-uh. Don't have that much power,“ you grinned, your palms carefully rubbing over the soft fabric of the red velvety dress that you had ordered last minute on amazon. 

Joel mumbled something under his breath that suspiciously sounded like "If you only knew.“

The farm was full with people, Tommy had even found some volunteers to help with the trees, the tree cut competition in full swing, and all that was missing were Joel and you, dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Claus. 

Something you still couldn't believe Joel agreed to. 

The idea to have Santa around for the kids had been on your idea list from the very beginning, but you couldn’t find anyone willing to take the role. 

You would have never thought of asking Joel, but Tommy? Tommy was absolutely loving the idea.

And maybe it was when you and Tommy brought up how much it would cost to hire someone as Santa for a couple of hours and Tommy telling him to come on, do it for Ellie. How exactly you got roped into this, you still weren't sure. 

But who were you to say no to those big brown Miller eyes, telling you he'd be in if you were his Mrs. Claus?

You felt Joel's hand on your hip as he turned you around and towards him. With a smile you looked up at him. 

„When all of his is done, all the competitions and dances and shit… I wanna take you out. Get to know you more. Learn more about you," he said and your smile widened. 

"Like on a date?" you asked. 

„Yeah. Like on a date. Would you like that?“ he asked. 

You got on your tiptoes, carefully pulling at the white beard that covered his face to reveal his lips to you before you softly kissed his lips, eyes fluttering closed. 

„I would love that,“ you whispered, before you pulled his fake beard back into place, patting his chest. He gave you a wide smile before he carefully fixed your wig.

„Ready?“ You asked and he nodded before he took your hand. 

„Ready."

Your cheeks were hurting from how much you had been smiling all day. Turned out putting Joel into a red Santa suit was all it took to put him in such a good mood, even Tommy was stunned. 

Okay, maybe you had something to to with his mood too, but no one had to know that yet. 

It was towards the end of the day, the crowds thinning out that you saw Ellie walk towards Santa with Tommy. You excused yourself, not wanting her to notice it was you, hiding behind a big decorated tree. 

Even though Ellie was about to be ten years old, she still believed in Santa. And you wanted her to do so for as long as possible. 

„Ellie! I wondered if you would come to see me!“ Joel said in his Santa voice and you smiled softly. He had been doing a great job all day. 

„You know me?" she asked and you couldn't see them but you caught Tommy's eyes as he looked at you with a small smile.

„Of course I do! You're at the top of the list for the kids that use curse words too much!“ he said and you fought against the laugh that was trying to escape you. You could only imagine the horrified face of your daughter when you heard:

„But let me tell you a secret. Even I curse from time to time,“ Joel as Santa said and you wished you could see them.

„You do?“ Ellie asked. 

„Fuck yeah I do," Joel said and they both laughed. 

„So Ellie, what do you wish for Christmas this year?“ he asked and you wanted for what her answer would be. 

„I want my mom to be happy," she said and you stopped breathing.

"Don't you think she’s happy?" Joel asked. 

„I think so. But with everything that happened with my dad and the accident… I want her to be even happier? You know with kissing and stuff? Even though I don't understand how grown ups like that,“ She asked and you found yourself chuckling quietly. 

Joel as Santa chuckled too.

"I'll see what I can do, Ellie,“ he said.

„Oh and I would really love a new set of watercolours. The big ones with all the colours," she said and you were glad you already got these for her. 

It was almost 10 pm, Ellie long in bed and you and Joel thankfully out of the costumes when the last people left. Tommy had also left the house to stay with his girlfriend Maria, leaving you and Joel sitting in front of the fire place, both with a drink in hand. 

You had taken to spending the evenings in the main house either with Tommy or Joel or the both of them. 

„Never said thank you," Joel said all of the sudden and you looked at him. 

„Huh?"

„For your help here at the farm and… for dealing with my grumpy ass all the time,“ he continued. 

„It’s a nice ass to deal with," you teased and he raised one eyebrow. 

"That so?“ he hummed and you nodded. 

„Especially in those dark work jeans you keep wearing,“ you winked and he licked his lips, his eyes roaming all over your body before he looked into your eyes again. 

"I'll keep that in mind, darlin’“

[astrophileous]

hi! is there any chance you could write a scenario for spencer with a plus sized reader? love your writing! congrats on the milestone and happy birthday month 💕

tyyy so much anon 🥺❤️ I hope you're happy with how this turned out 💞

Warning(s): fem!plus-sized!reader; I legit think there's no warning for this. not even swearing. but pls lmk???

This blurb was written as a part of the "Zara's Birthday Bash and Road to 1K" celebration.

Zara's Birthday Bash and Road to 1K Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

Spencer looked down when he felt you shuffle against him. "Cold?"

The two of you were lounging on the couch with Spencer sitting on one of its end and your head leaning on his chest. Your legs were curled up on the cushion underneath a tiny blanket, the flimsy material barely doing anything as you pressed yourself even closer towards your boyfriend, trying to chase the warmth from his body heat to combat the chill running down your spine. Spencer noticed what you were trying to do and instantly tugged at the other blanket on his lap, laying the material gently around you and smiling when he heard you sigh in appreciation.

"What about you, Spence?"

"I'll be fine. I run hot."

"Mmh. Can't argue with that."

Spencer squeezed your thigh in response to your cheeky remark, your whole body shaking in laughter before you focused your attention back on the TV screen ahead.

It was a rarity for Spencer to find himself home safely at 8 o'clock on a Friday night, not to mention to have you home at the same time as him instead of at the ER tending to patients. On nights like this, Spencer made sure to always cherish the time with you in whatever way you liked, even if it meant he had to sit through nearly five hours of a Hallmark movie marathon after stuffing his stomach full with greasy Chinese takeouts.

The man was head over heels in love with you, and he would do just about anything to keep that mesmerizing smile permanently on your face.

"That's adorable," you said breathlessly after a few minutes of silence.

Spencer didn't want to admit that he had just spent the last ten minutes getting absolutely gobsmacked by your beauty, so he quickly tore his gaze away and directed it back towards the TV screen. His confusion only tripled in size when he saw that nothing particularly stood out from the scene. It was just another shot of the two main characters having yet another one of their silly little arguments as a cheesy jingle played in the background.

"What is happening?" Spencer asked at last.

You glanced at his question and scoffed. "You weren't paying attention again, were you?"

Spencer had the audacity to grin, and it was pretty lucky of him to have been blessed with such a pretty face that could melt even the hardest ice around your heart.

"Okay, handsome. Listen carefully. So, what happened is, the girl—"

"Bess?"

"Yes, Bess. Well, she and Aidan decided to meet for lunch to talk about the deed to the land, right? But that talk didn't really lead anywhere as they ended up fighting, again, and Bess walked away from the restaurant. Aidan ran after her and they fought again on the sidewalk, but then they got interrupted by the rain."

"Of course. The rain. How original."

You hid your bemused smile before continuing, "The two of them ran for cover in this little bookstore after that. Bess was shivering because she was wearing this little black thing, and Aidan noticed. So like the gentleman he is, he took off his suit jacket and gave it to Bess. They both ended up spending a couple of hours in that little bookstore waiting for the rain to stop, and Bess wore Aidan's jacket for the rest of the day. She didn't notice she still had it until she went home in the evening."

Spencer nodded along as he waited for your recount to finish, expecting to find clarity by the end of it only to be met with an even bigger confusion than before.

"I still don't get it. You thought that it was adorable that... they got caught in the rain?"

"And they call you a genius?" you teased, shrieking when Spencer lunged forward to tickle your sides. "No, silly. Not the rain. The jacket."

"The jacket?"

"Yeah. I think it's nice." You smiled, your eyes crinkling as you turned back towards the TV. "I've always loved that. When the guy gives something of his for the girl to wear. His T-shirt, his jacket, his sweater. Anything. The girl would wear his clothes and they'd usually look too big on her and it all just feels so... domestic. There's a sense of belonging in the gesture itself, sort of a non-verbal way of him claiming the girl as his. A little territorial, perhaps. But I personally find the whole thing adorable."

After he was done hearing your explanation, Spencer found himself at loss for words. "I didn't know that. That's actually a thing?"

"It's a pretty common trope in romance books and movies. One of my favorites, too."

"And you like that? Having your boyfriend lend you his clothes to wear?"

"Well, I don't know. I, uh, I actually never tried it myself." You suddenly grew bashful as you started playing with the hem of your pajamas top. "Everyone I've dated has always been smaller than me, so I never got the chance to experience any of that."

"Sweetheart—"

"Relax, Spencer. It's fine," you assured him. "I'm not sad about it. Do I feel like missing out sometimes? Yes, maybe, but it's not like it's the end of the world. I'll survive just fine. Promise."

You resumed watching the rest of the movie after that, the short conversation being shoved to the back of your mind as you relished in the final scene of the movie where the guy, finally and inevitably, managed to win over the girl with an arduous chase through the airport concluded by a romantic confession in front of gate 4E.

After movie night on Friday, the following week unraveled in a hectic frenzy for you. The ER where you worked saw a full house nearly every single night, forcing you to take not only one, not two, but three extra shifts in a single week. By the time the next Friday rolled around, you were exhausted beyond belief, collapsing face first into bed as soon as you arrived home without even waiting for Spencer to get back from his week-long case in Idaho.

The following morning, you woke up to a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. You followed the scent in your sleepy haze until you came face to face with your boyfriend standing behind the stove, unruly curls and a handsome smile as he glanced up at the sound of your footsteps. You couldn't even imagine how dishelved you looked in that moment—with dried drool around your lips and pillow imprints on your cheek—but the way Spencer assessed you from the distance, it made you feel as though you were meant to be sculpted as a flawless copy of Aphrodite herself.

"Good morning, gorgeous," your boyfriend greeted as he pushed a plate of pancakes across the counter. "Breakfast?"

The two of you spent the entirety of breakfast telling each other about your respective week while enjoying Spencer's pancakes that, surprisingly, tasted even better than they smelled. After the dishes were washed, Spencer grabbed your hand and started leading you back towards your shared bedroom.

"Come with me for a moment. I wanna show you something," he said.

You trailed after Spencer in curiosity, compliantly fulfilling his order to sit on the bed as he vanished into the ensuite. Three minutes later, Spencer reappeared in front of you, donning a grin so enormous that it nearly distracted you from the foreign pair of clothes he had changed himself into.

"What do you think?" Spencer asked enthusiastically.

"What do I think?"

"Yeah!"

"It's cute, Spencer. Is it new?" Spencer nodded eagerly, confirming your suspicion. "I see. It's kinda... too big for you, don't you think?"

The hoodie Spencer was wearing came in your favorite color, but it hung on his lanky frame almost like a poncho. Spencer still looked good in it, though. You admired his talent to still appear attractive even when he was wearing something that didn't fit him properly.

"I picked out a bigger size on purpose," Spencer revealed, taking off the hoodie before extending it towards you. "Here, try it. I went two sizes above your usual so it should feel roomy."

Your perplexed stare zeroed in on the clothing in Spencer's hand. "Wait. I don't understand. Did you buy this for me?"

"Um, no? Well, technically yes." Spencer rubbed his neck, suddenly turning sheepish as his gaze found your eyes. "Remember last week when you told me about girls borrowing their boyfriends' clothes? And how you never got to experience that? Well, I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I went ahead and ordered this hoodie for myself but in a larger size. That way, you can steal it from me from time to time. Have something of mine you can wear when you want to."

Silence descended into the room in the wake of Spencer's declaration.

His heart was a sonorous thumping inside his chest. Spencer waited for you to say something, but your voice never came. It wasn't until the first sob broke through the quietude did Spencer realize that you were actually crying.

"Sweetheart? Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?"

The man knelt in front of you in no time, his palm clenching at the side as if he was ready to go into battle to fight whatever or whoever caused the shed tears in your eyes. You lifted your head just enough to see him, smiling shakily when you saw the taut lines above the bridge of his nose.

"I can't believe you bought this hoodie for me," you muttered once your sobs had subsided.

Spencer breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's why you cried? Because I bought you a hoodie?"

"It's not just because of a hoodie, Spence. It's the fact that you cared. You listened to my silly thoughts and you remembered." You brought your hand up to cup his cheek, feeling him melt against the touch. "This is the nicest, most considerate thing anyone has ever done for me."

"That just breaks my heart, gorgeous. You deserve so much more. I'm literally doing the bare minimum."

"No, you're not. You're doing so much. You're doing everything, Spencer."

You kissed him, then. Urgently and vehemently; trying to convey just how intensely your heart felt for him. When you pulled away, Spencer was wearing a big smile undoubtedly identical to your own.

"I love you so much, Spencer. You know that, right?"

Spencer's smile blossomed. In his heart, he sketched the way your face looked in that moment to burn your beauty into the depth of his mind.

"Not as much as I love you, sweetheart."

[essektheylyss]

One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.

(Buckle in. This is a long one.)

In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.

As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.

Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.

This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.

I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.

But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.

So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.

But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.

But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.

It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.

He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)

So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.

But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.

(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)

[smokestarrules]

what are your fave warrior nun fics?

Oh, anon. You don't even know the can of worms you've just opened. Here are a few (a few!) of my favorites.

Firstly, teach me to love, as you have loved me by @birgittesilverbae. It's in the POV of Beatrice as she grows up in the OCS, putting Shannon, Mary and Lilith in the limelight as well, and the most recent chapter (12k!) has gone through essentially all of canon. It's about grief and family and warmth and loss and it's so fucking good. Cannot recommend this more.

Next I have sunday people (sunday shines for you) by @piratekane. Sundays are for the girls, by the way. if you even care. This is peak pining behavior, miscommunication that isn't just there for the dramatics, and Ava being The Best Girl Ever (and the most jealous girl ever). Fantastic fic.

Then there's show me something of a reckoning by @thirteenyasmin, which is a given, of course. Switzerland canon-divergent fic where, as the tags say, fake-dating becomes real-dating. As they deserve. Has some lines that will tear your soul to pieces in the best way.

Next is Nice jugs, a climbing AU by @cowboycatd. Do you know anything about climbing? No? Me, neither. But this series of fics describes it--alongside exceptionally-written flirting--masterfully. You should read Climbing AU.

Then I have falling (for you) like snow on christmas by @justawhitewall. Hallmark movie AU! They're much better when they're Avatrice, by the way. I read it during the posting and have reread it at least once a month ever since. Incredible.

Spellbound by @omomoification. Witch (kinda) AU! Will sweep you away into the world that's created and you won't even notice as the 15k goes by in a flash. Fucking gorgeous piece of art. Made me insane, made some people break the character limit while commenting.

the imprint of your soul on mine (feels nothing short of divine) by @the-penguinspy. Read this if you're feeling down, because you won't be when you're done. The softest thing you could ever read, and I read a lot of soft things. Fic that gives you a hug and a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

And last but certainly not least, A Bit of Earth by @whatwordsmiss. Full fic isn't posted yet but it is written, and this story is just... wonderful. It's about grief, it's about growing up, it's about falling in love and healing together and healing apart and being kind and, sometimes, in particular moments, it's about a Garden. A must-read.

[fine-nephrit]

🥏 TXF Fic Rec #42: "Universal Invariant" by Syntax6

It’s rare to find a novel-length, all-encompassing fic set in season 1. Today’s fic is exactly that: a celebrated classic exploring a ‘what if’ scenario where Scully’s deleted live-in boyfriend, Ethan, sticks around. The story begins with Scully’s assignment to the X Files in the ‘Pilot’ and concludes with her return from abduction in ‘One Breath’.

We get to experience the M/S dynamic right from the very beginning, watching their partnership evolve from suspicion to trust, with a repressed, burgeoning attraction. In Syntax6’s skillful hands, you know what that means: lots of delicious, in-character UST.

Ethan plays a major role, adding to the emotional tangle. The ‘Other’ character is often reduced to a flat plot-device or crudely villainized, but Syntax6’s characters are always likable and sympathetic. She writes the best ‘/Other’ plot in this fandom, enhancing the journey to MSR.

It’s a lot of fun to see how the story neatly interweaves with canon episodes, a hallmark of Syntax6’s writing. What’s more, She’s best known for her case files, and there’s a strong original casefile tossed in the mix, which I enjoyed immensely. And we get another of her signature moves: a very hot, well-written sex scene with explosive intensity, placed at the perfect spot in the story. She really does it all, and makes it look effortless.

---

🥏 on author's site

author: @syntax6 length: novel, 80,000+ words season: season 1, early season 2 pairing(s): M/S UST, Scully/Ethan, Mulder/Other tags: AU, episode-related, casefile, angst, Mytharc, abduction arc, jealousy, amnesia, good OCs rating: explicit/NC-17

tagging @today-in-fic

[lavellane]

ok i have avoided talking abt my datv thoughts but now ive finished and slept on it here it is. this is huge btw and really just a way to process my thoughts for my own peace of mind. and get out what i need to say. so yeah word salad below

2 disclaimers before i start. firstly i think im going to be SUPER blunt and clear about my thoughts on this post but then i will mostly be putting the matter to bed in my heart bc i am not someone who delights in being a hater nor do i take comfort in it. i will take from this the things i enjoyed and keep my distance from the rest. second disclaimer: ultimately i think i will still enjoy being a part of the fandom and seeing other people enjoy the game, because it will endear it to me and maybe take away the pain im feeling right now, so this isnt a long rant to make you feel bad about enjoying the game if you do like it! in fact quite the opposite. it comforts me that there are people who find value in the game and i hope in watching you play it i may be able to eventually be able to say the same

that being said . obviously i didnt like the game

which is an extremely difficult thing for me to say. i went into this game thinking "i will at the VERY least enjoy the game. not love it but at least like it. but im sure ill love it". it really is quite distressing for me that it didnt even really reach that bar for the most part. i TRIED to like it. i begged this game to give me ANY handhold at all that i could cling to, to forgive and like this game. i think the things i liked err more on the technical side. the graphics i loved, the character DESIGN was *fantastic*. the art. the pacing. the vague vision of what they were obviously nebulously aiming for. and honestly, i mostly enjoyed the main plot although i wish it had been more disciplined and constrained with the lore it was trying to expand on. act 3 was fantastic and naturally i am happy and fulfilled for the most part by the conclusion of solas's story, who i still believe was and is the best written "villain" of dragon age. sorry logang and meredith nation but i do still stand by this.

but thats really about it. as a disclaimer i am not an origins puritan or a da2 diehard or anything like that. i have loved (almost equally) EVERY single iteration of dragon age which has been released. i am one of the few people who sees equal value in inquisition and origins. i love them both so deeply. i couldnt pick between them.

for me what i love the MOST about dragon age - and which every single previous game has always nailed despite other flaws - is the characters. right under that is the world's capacity for introspection. and unfortunately nothing in this game provided that for me

regarding the characters: i do not care about a single one of them unfortunately. or at least i do not CARE about them the way that i have CARED about the other previous games companions. companions i would write banter about !!! just for fun when i was bored!!!! i would say my only exception is harding, but even then i care about her only because i care about her due to inquisition. overall i just found them all so ..... shallow. and devoid of any of the conflict or nuance or ethical quandries that make biowares stories so compelling - and sure, usually controversial! i would give ANYTHING for this game to have been controversial. for a unforgivable RO, or a problematic fave, or a cancelled wife. did bioware forget that their most beloved or at least enjoyed characters are people like anders, merrill, mordin solus, blackwall, sten, loghain, SOLAS??? i dont understand HOW they could have forgotten that, because solas is literally right there in game and handled (in my opinion as a fan) well. love him or hate him or dont care about him, he is such a hallmark of great bioware writing (in dai if nothing else) - characters who are not EASY to like. characters who are not SAFE to write and who WILL generate criticism from all sides because they are written boldly and unapologetically, strengthened by a foundation of consistent ideals, clear objectives and beautiful faults. characters that do not NEED you to like them, but instead invite you to engage with them critically. solas, even to someone who hates him, is nuanced and morally complex enough to muse and fight over for 10 whole years. hes IN this game, just as ethically murky as ever, but the morally grey hallmark of biowares writing really does kind of live and die with him alone. the rest of the companions feel like they barely made it out of their concept phase. what are lucanis's flaws??? genuinely asking. other than being a murderer who exists in an organization which buys and trains literal child slaves of course, but i'll get to that in a sec (because bioware sure as fuck didnt). um, i guess you could say hes broody?? and emmrich too. what actual flaws does he have?? he has a fear of death, as we're TOLD, but it does not really reflect in the overall convesations we have with him over the course of the game. mostly hes just.... a little bumbling i guess. bellara's flaw is being a scatterbrain. harding's is that shes..... angry??? but shes not???? fucking come on. i really felt the lack of actually being able to TALK to these people at the end of act 2, when i realized i still felt like i havent really MET any of them. and yet here rook is talking about found family and being a team. ok

and then there are the romances. which from my perspective - having romanced taash - and my friends who have romanced lucanis, neve and davrin..... WHAT romances. davrin's full romance is 20 minutes in a 30 PLUS HOUR GAME. solas had the least amount of content out of any companion in inquisition and was a last minute unintentional RO and still had like easily 50 minutes of content. so why did these romances feel like nothing. actually nothing. i was so excited for taash, but their romance straight up felt like neither rook nor taash even wanted to be there. i forgot they were technically together at certain points. zero chemistry. zero intimacy. all TELLING zero SHOWING. if you had told me that i would be saying these sorts of things about a writer like trick weekes a month ago i would call you fucking crazy to your face. i cannot reconcile that taash was written by the same person who wrote solas. i cannot reconcile that mary kirby - who wrote the fucking chant of light - wrote lucanis. its so dire. its devastating actually.

lastly i want to talk about my other point - bioware's famed emphasis on introspection and ethically quandries. again, i'm genuinely experiencing a sense of profound whiplash because when it comes solas's character you can still see it. its still there. they actually doubled down on making him worse than he was in trespasser which i LOVED and thought was so incredibly promising. they could have caved to solavellan fans and uwu-ified him but they didnt. thats great.

but where was that energy for literally anything else. everything has been defanged - even minrathous, the capital of the tevinter slave trade, does not even ADDRESS the elephant in the room of slavery. and i know because i played a shadow dragon. so tell me why i as a shadow dragon am happily allied with the crows, who solely exist to assassinate politicians and BUY SLAVES. THEY BUY SLAVES. THEY BUY SLAVES AS CHILDREN AND TRAIN/TORTURE THEM TO MURDER. HELLO??????????? there is no commentary made about the mages/templars. there is no discussion of the treatment of the elves in the north or Anywhere. there is no discussion of why exactly blood magic is or isnt acceptable - they simply tell us its bad. all the theories of the last 10 years were answered with handwaved comments or bare bones codex entries that honestly stripped so much nuance away from so many things (the blight, my BELOVED) that i dont know how im going to go about fixing it or making it right in my head. the introspective nature of dragon age always went hand in hand with player choice, but there really WAS no choice in this game as so there IS no real capacity for other interpretations or schools of thought. it is so..........................bleak.

i think the thing that finally made it click in my head that this game had fundamentally let me down was the gloom howler quest. and i know im not alone on this. for those of you who dont know - the gloom howler, "isseya" was the protagonist of the dragon age novel "the last flight". i would HIGHLY recommend you read it, especially if you're an origins fan. super bleak, super political, not flashy at all in terms of magic. it was set 500 years pre origins, during the 3rd blight. isseya is very similar to characters like loghain and solas in a way - a richly complex, beautifully intricate, terribly thought provoking character who did HORRIFIC things for the most NOBLE reason you could imagine, under the most traumatic of circumstances. im tearing up just thinking about her story, and how the title "the LAST flight" foreshadowed that her story had a definitive, bittersweet, finite and peaceful ending.

and then this game did THAT to her. turned her into a grotesque caricature of what she was. stripping her of her nuance and her capacity for atonement or forgiveness. and once again, i do not fucking get it. she was obviously brought back because she is a parallel to the solas dilemma. so WHY is she not afforded the same opportunity for empathy that he is. why is bellara's brother not either. its insane. its literally insane. i cannot begin to imagine the oversight or laziness or WHATEVER IT WAS that occured to have this game turn out this way.

there are innumerable other problems with the game that im not going to get into because what ive said above is the main crux of my problem. introspective and character. those are all i really wanted from this game, and like..... i thought we would get that. because the game centered around solas. and i know people dislike his fans for very fair reasons, but i hope those who know me know that i enjoy him not because hes hot (he is though) but because he is terrible. i love him because they made a character who was TERRIBLE, and then gave you the task of using your head and refelcting on your own morality and values and deciding and arguing and meditating over whether he is worth loving anyway. to me, solas is the person i point to when i want to describe why i love dragon age. its complicated, its nuanced, it is terrible and wonderful and everything in between depending on the angle you look at it from. and so having the writer of a character like THAT in charge of the whole game filled me with hope and dissuaded so many of my fears for this game. but i was wrong apparently.

so now im left with a feeling akin to survivors guilt. genuinely. because at the VERY least, despite me saying all of these negative things, i at least finished the game crying happy tears and being overjoyed that my favourite character was handled well and got an ending i enjoyed. and yet that happiness *i* got to feel and that glimmer of good writing was paid for at the expense of literally everything else. i feel almost personally responsible in a way, which sucks. im sorry to all the people who did not enjoy or care about solas, im sorry that you really did get nothing out of this game. i hope we can all be comforted by the trilogy we have and will always have, and i hope we can all take what good parts we enjoyed out of veilguard and make peace with the rest

leaving this youtube comment my friend sent me which is unfortunately a summary of how i feel about the game as a whole.

[totallyjustabunchofhocuspocus]

I know "fuck canon" is always an option and generally the more sensible thing to do, but with last night's episode I had two smidgens of HOPE and now with Tim's apparent new interview I just want to crawl back into my cave again 🫥

Hi nonnie!

TLDR (cause I'm having THOUGHTS): I don't think anything is off the table, if I had to bet money I'd lay somewhat decent odds that Buck and Tommy get back together, and I don't think either side of the ship war has anything in particular that indicates victory.

I'll preface this by saying yes, 'fuck canon'is usually the more sensible option. 'Fuck canon' is where no one ever dies, people do not make stupid decisions, and couples never break up.

And I'll also preface this by saying that Buck is my favorite character (honestly one of my favorite characters of all time, not just this show) and my ultimate OTP is Buck/Happiness in this show, however he gets it and whoever gives it to him. I am quite happy being a multishipper and I started out in fandom spaces back in the mid-nineties, where the etiquette and relationship to the content were vastly, vastly different than today and that really colors the lense I view fandom through. In the ship war, I'm mostly Switzerland.

Still with me? Okay.

My main source of optimism re: Buck/Tommy is the simple fact that guys...911 is Not That Deep. It's a fun show (usually), predicated on ridiculous Situations (increasingly), and in movie terms is a cash-grab popcorn flick. Have they hit something with the characters and actors that often elevates it above its station? Absolutely. Are there parts that make you go, "whoa, this came from the shark on a highway weewoo show?" Of course! But 911 isn't fucking Inception. There's no hidden messages and jaw-dropping plot twists that No One Saw Coming.

Like...all the cries about "learn some media literacy you cretins!" really have me scratching my head because, uh, taking everything solely at face value--this absolutely is the Third Act Miscommunication in the relationship. Both parties expressed a desire for the relationship to be more. They broke up on the tried and true "I'm doing this for both our sakes'even though it hurts" and not a dealbreaker schism which they ABSOLUTELY could have done. Literally, one scene of "wow I can't wait to be a dad/oh, uh that's not something I want" and we have a reason to break up that has the exact same "no villains just circumstance" vibe.

On the other hand, it absolutely is a stopping point that is believably permanent.

They went out of their way to show how desperately much Buck wants to talk to Tommy (like we turned it into a meme, but they didn't really have to show him baking That Much) and how he's spiraling in a way we haven't really seen since Abby. In a Hallmark romcom this would be where the audience is reassured that our plucky protagonist has Real Feelings for the LI.

On the other hand, the show often uses Buck as comic relief and the keep away with the phone could absolutely be the indicator that this breakup isn't as serious as Buck thinks it is and he should move on.

The interviews are pretty disheartening, but the interviews for this show really honestly have always had a kind of weird monkey's paw quality to them. Like, they don't lie exactly, but there's a lot of misdirect.

As it stands now, the relationship 100% reads like a Hallmark romcom that is being written by people who Had a Gay Friend In College Guys, So of COURSE We Know What We're Doing...wait why are you discoursing?

On the other hand, as it stands now, it also wouldn't be surprising if this was the end. I honestly don't think they have 100% decided how it's going to go and the writing and especially the pacing this season has been so uneven that it's not hiding the flaws in the storytelling as well as it usually does.

But, if canon goes in a direction I don't like, I have no problem saying 'fuck canon' ;)

[thephantomcasebook]

Where is my Aemond, "I will stand deathly close to massive dragon to protect my sweet sister" Targaryen on the show? Cause I think the writers lost him and can't find him!

I think people need to remember Condal and Hess were replaced by the showrunner of "The Crown" early in production.

Remember, Condal and Hess missed the deadlines for scripts ... twice. They also delayed production of Season 2 for months because they couldn't finish the scripts in a timely manner.

"Blood and Cheese" was given to Sara Hess and another female writer and they had to redraft 4 times because it was continuously sent back and it actually got worse and worse, till GRRM came in and rewrote from scratch the entire episode in the eleventh hour.

Warner went out of pocket to get a ghost showrunner to come in as a ringer and get production off the ground as well as edit the scripts while Condal and Hess fucked off for the writers strike.

The things you are seeing on screen are a jumble of Condal and Hess's ideas patch worked by someone who knows absolutely dick about ASoIaF or the characters beyond what he read in the show bible.

The reason the ghost showrunner is not credited is because he's not a part of the American Writer's Guild thus the studio is not obligated to put his name on screen. Also he was brought in as a fixer to get production back on track and to script doctor Condal and Hess's shit work on the scripts.

So, if characters like Aemond, Alicent, and Criston are not acting like you'd expect them to be or the way they were in Season 1, it's because they're being rewritten by someone who doesn't really know the characters or the book lore. They're being doctored by someone the studio paid to take over for incompetent producers.

The scenes with Otto, Aegon, and Criston and especially the fight between Rhaenyra and Daemon, along with the shot compositions of the flower peddles that Helaena sees along with the dust motes that Rhaenyra stares at. These are all artistic hallmarks and signatures of "The Crown". The ghost showrunner was brought in because of his experience writing royal family drama.

The reason the Greens are written the way they are is because the ghost showrunner is basing them off of the British Royal Family dynamics of the Royal House of Windsor. With politically and public relations minded patriarchs and cold detached matriarchs that don't know how to show love. Because, these are the main tenants of "The Crown" and the characters/historical figures in them that he wrote for years.

So the quality of acting is elevated because the ringer they got is really excellent at directing and writing character drama. But the lore and the characters are off, because, he doesn't know anything about the characters beyond what he's seen in Season 1 and read from Condal and Hess's rejected scripts and their show bible.

[girl-next-door-writes]

Between the Lines

Characters: Steve Rogers x reader

Summary: In a snow-dusted library glowing with holiday magic, you and Steve Rogers embark on a whimsical literary scavenger hunt.

Word Count: 1477 words

Prompts: Library. Best friends to lovers. Wearing their clothes.

A/N: This one is for the lovely @allofmytoxicity. I hope you like it.

The snow outside the library’s grand windows danced like powdered sugar, coating the world in a soft white blanket. Inside, the air was warm and inviting, infused with the smell of old books and a faint whiff of cinnamon from the hot cocoa cart stationed near the entrance. You sat curled up in one of the library’s oversized armchairs, the fringes of a familiar scarf wrapped snugly around your neck.

Steve’s scarf.

It was navy blue, soft, and a little too big for you, which made it perfect. He’d left it at your apartment the week before when you had an impromptu movie night, and it had been calling your name ever since. Wearing it felt like carrying a piece of him, a comforting reminder of your best friend’s steadfast presence in your life.

“You’re hoarding my scarf again,” Steve’s familiar voice rumbled, warm like the cocoa in your hands.

You looked up to see him standing there, an easy smile on his lips, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. Steve Rogers looked annoyingly good all the time, but today? He was unfairly festive in a forest-green sweater that made his eyes pop and jeans that fit just right. His blond hair had a dusting of snow, making him look like he’d just stepped out of one of those cheesy Hallmark movies.

“I’m not hoarding it,” you replied, tipping your head back against the chair. “I’m borrowing it.”

Steve raised an eyebrow as he slipped off his jacket and slung it over the back of the chair opposite you. “Borrowing implies you asked.”

“Well, you left it at my place. Technically, it’s on you.” You sipped your cocoa, giving him a cheeky grin over the rim of your mug.

He laughed, the sound rich and hearty, and sat down. “Fair enough. Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.”

Your cheeks warmed, and it had nothing to do with the cocoa.

Steve leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. “So, why’d you drag me to the library today? Thought you’d want to spend your day off doing something festive—like, I don’t know, ice skating?”

You rolled your eyes. “Steve, the last time we went ice skating, you ended up carrying me off the ice because I fell approximately a hundred times.”

“That’s an exaggeration,” he teased. “It was maybe eighty times.”

“Either way,” you said, ignoring the flush of heat in your chest at the memory of him lifting you like you weighed nothing, “the library is festive. Look at the decorations!”

It was true; the library had gone all out for the holidays. Twinkling lights framed the towering bookshelves, garlands wrapped around the railings of the second floor, and a massive Christmas tree stood in the centre of the room, ornaments catching the light with every shimmer.

“You’ve got a point,” Steve admitted, glancing around. “But you still haven’t answered my question. What are we doing here?”

You set your mug down and reached for the bag at your feet, pulling out a leather-bound journal. “We’re doing a Christmas scavenger hunt. Well, sort of.”

Steve tilted his head, intrigued. “Sort of?”

“It’s a literary scavenger hunt,” you explained, flipping open the journal to reveal a neatly written list. “We have to find books that match these clues. It’s like a bookish adventure.”

His eyes softened as he leaned forward to read the list. “You really love this stuff, don’t you?”

You shrugged, trying to play it cool. “It’s fun. And, you know, it’s Christmas. We’re supposed to do stuff we enjoy.”

Steve’s gaze lingered on you a beat too long, his expression unreadable. Then he smiled. “Alright, book adventurer. Where do we start?”

The next hour flew by in a blur of laughter and whispered debates as the two of you navigated the library’s labyrinth of bookshelves. Steve was surprisingly good at the scavenger hunt, his sharp memory and quick thinking helping you solve clues faster than you expected.

“Okay,” you said, holding up the journal as you scanned the next clue. “Find a book about an unlikely hero who saves the day.”

Steve tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Does ‘unlikely’ mean someone who doesn’t think they’re a hero or someone who really isn’t cut out for it?”

“Good question,” you mused, glancing at the shelves. “I think either works.”

“How about this one?” Steve pulled a book from the shelf and handed it to you.

You read the title aloud. “The Hobbit? That’s perfect.” You grinned up at him. “Good job, Captain America.”

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks. Though I think Bucky would argue I still owe him a copy of this one.”

“Bucky can wait. We’re on a mission,” you declared dramatically, clutching the book to your chest.

Steve’s laugh echoed through the aisle, and for a moment, you felt like you were the only two people in the world. The library seemed quieter somehow, the festive lights casting a golden glow around you both. You caught Steve’s gaze, his eyes warm and searching, and your heart skipped a beat.

“Hey,” he said softly, breaking the silence. “Thanks for bringing me here. I didn’t realise how much I needed this.”

“Steve, it’s a library. Not exactly groundbreaking.”

He shook his head, his expression earnest. “No, I mean… just spending time with you. It’s nice.”

Your throat tightened, and you nodded, unsure how to respond without your feelings spilling out. Because the truth was, you didn’t just enjoy spending time with Steve. You craved it. He was your best friend, your anchor, and somewhere along the way, your heart had started hoping for something more.

But that wasn’t part of the deal. Steve had been through so much—he deserved stability, not the mess of unspoken feelings you carried.

“Come on,” you said, forcing a smile and holding up the journal. “We’ve got a few more clues to solve.”

By the time you finished the scavenger hunt, the sky outside had darkened, the snow falling heavier now. The library was quieter too, most patrons having gone home for the evening.

You and Steve settled by the Christmas tree, your haul of books stacked between you. The soft glow of the lights made his features look impossibly kind, and you found yourself staring longer than you should.

“What’s next?” he asked, leaning back against the wall.

“Nothing,” you admitted, tucking the journal away. “We finished the list.”

He frowned playfully. “No grand finale? No prize for solving it all?”

“The prize was the journey, Rogers,” you said, smirking.

“Hmm.” He pretended to think. “I don’t know. I feel like there’s gotta be more.”

Before you could argue, Steve reached over and gently tugged at the scarf around your neck. “You’re still wearing this,” he murmured.

Your breath caught as his fingers brushed your skin. “It’s warm.”

His lips twitched. “Yeah. But you know, you’re welcome to keep it.”

“You sure?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

He nodded, his gaze steady on yours. “I’m sure.”

The air between you shifted, the playful banter giving way to something deeper. Steve’s hand lingered near your neck, and you couldn’t help but lean into his touch, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Steve…” His name came out as barely a whisper.

“I have to tell you something,” he said, his voice low and steady. “And if I don’t say it now, I might never get the courage.”

Your pulse quickened. “What is it?”

He hesitated, his blue eyes searching yours like he was looking for an answer. “You’re my best friend,” he began. “But somewhere along the way… you became more than that. I don’t know when it happened, but I can’t stop thinking about you. About us.”

The world seemed to stop spinning as his words sank in. You stared at him, stunned. “Steve…”

“I get it if you don’t feel the same,” he continued quickly. “I just… I needed you to know. Because if there’s even a chance you might, I’m—”

You didn’t let him finish. Closing the distance between you, you pressed your lips to his, pouring every unspoken word into the kiss. Steve froze for a heartbeat, then his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close.

The kiss was soft and sweet, filled with the warmth and tenderness that defined him. When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, your foreheads resting together.

“I feel the same,” you admitted, your voice shaky but certain. “I’ve wanted this—you—for so long.”

Relief and joy lit up his face, and he cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

You smiled, tears pricking your eyes. “Merry Christmas, Steve.”

He leaned in, his lips brushing yours again. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

[leupagus]

For a Jew I've written a surprising number of Christmas fics!

Somebody mentioned how they reread a certain fic of mine around the Christmas season, which got me thinking about the various fics I've written that could be deemed "Hallmark Christmas Movie Fics." Surprisingly, there's only one, but I've written at least three that prominently feature Christmas and so if you are looking for some festive cheer before Yuletide drops, here you go!

A Sleepy Hollow fic from ye olden days of 2013; honestly I'd stopped watching the show even before then, but I did enjoy Ichabod and Abbie and Jenny as the trio from hell, so to speak. Plus it's always fun to put characters that are usually in a super serious grimdark show into something very ridiculous (more ridiculous than Ichabod Crane actually being a supernatural crimefighter against the forces of evil).

This is my "Miss Marple Gets A Boyfriend" fic that I wrote this year and I'm still delighted by it and plan to write a sequel. It's set over several years and isn't really a Christmas story per se, but it does end at Christmas, with a true love confession in the snow, and you can't get much more Hallmark Christmas Movie than that.

This is the one that could be (and probably is, somewhere) a Hallmark Christmas movie, to the extent that one of the horrible protagonists actually remarks on it, because if I want to use a trope I want to pound it into the absolute ground. This is not a TV show that anyone's watched, and I can't really recommend that you do. But the two main characters of the show were so hateful and hot for each other that I immediately looked for fic, and while there was SOME stuff, there wasn't enough, and...well, write the ridiculousness you want to see in the world, part three.

[call-of-ishmael]

The Last Ishmael OCD Post

One of my first times that i dabbled into character analysis was about Ishmael's OCD, people like that post but i really feel i could have done better

Canto V was my last major chapter i was willing to read. As i put more distance between me and the story, i want one final farewell in the form of finally fixing up my analysis

PART I: THE META-TEXTUAL

Before i delve into the writing itself, here is some pointers the story gives to her OCD in the form of flavor text and descriptions.

Firstly we have her Bio

This is easy to miss as its just a tiny blurb above her whole intro blurb.

Now, "obsessive compulsive neurosis" is a very weird way to phrase it, "obsessive compulsive" is clear enough but "neurosis" is odd, this is not TOO odd though, as "neurotic" used to be how OCD was classified as a disorder.

However if we look at her bio in Korean, the particulars do simply straight up say "OCD" very clearly, you'd need to MTL but this was also confirmed to me by a friend from SK

The sinner bios are biased though, and are written through a very corporate lens, so lets see if there's any other pointers elsewhere

Her base EGO, Snagharpoon, actually does just that

Her passives name is called "Compulsion" and in its gameplay design its a very interesting way to also point to it

Ishmael is a very all or nothing person, you do it well or you don't do it at all, and this is reflected on how this passive aids you to play

This passive is excellent for boosting the consistency of playing by only going for "Favored" or "Dominating" clashes, while punishing you for taking chances on clashes you MIGHT win

Base ID Ishmael is also a unit with all single coins, rolling tails puts her in a very unfavorable position so this also adds an extra safety net on top. Worth noting being all single coins is also a high risk high reward type of play style.

Finally we see two more pointers id like to note, both from Canto V

The Compulsive`s Knot, an ego gift themed after a naval rope, one of many in the dungeon all alluding to her struggles.

Most obviously though

Her exclusive status effect, Compulsion. This is in direct reference to her EGO passive, providing an attack boost at the same time it provides a drawback in the form of low SP.

We are gonna talk a bit more about this passive since it ties into another gameplay oriented way to point towards her OCD

During the story dungeon we have an event where a noise is heard, you are given two choices, check, gain SP, don't check, lose SP.

Compulsive checking is probably the most well known (to the conditions detriment we will talk about it later) hallmark of OCD

Notably, this doesn't aid Ishmael, while checking can avoid the combat encounter, not checking only has a chance of triggering it, and most interestingly, her SP will always start at -25 during combat encounters. Meaning the temporary boost in her sanity will just get reset next battle, should you decide to check. Checking wont satisfy her anxiety for more than a brief moment.

Lastly the most obvious ones are all the references to Obsession. These are so abundant i feel if you are familiar with the Canto its redundant to have them, i wanted to draw more attention to the allusions to compulsion, as they are less common.

PART II: BEFORE THE STORM

Even since before her own Canto, we can see Ishmael's ruminating and anxious tendencies pop up during previous chapters, which for OCD is important to explore as OCD is an anxious and ruminating disorder.

So lets talk a little bit about OCD! Its a disorder characterized by repetitive and constant intrusive urges to perform a task or a thought (lets keep this in mind for later)

These thoughts or actions are used to try to relieve stress from an anxiety inducing thought or situation. The most common example is OCD exacerbating germ phobia, and causing people who have it to wash their hands in excess.

While OCD is usually described as "irrational thoughts" i feel that's a pretty limited way to view it in my own experience with it. OCD compulsions and thoughts can be informed by very real worries, the worry of getting sick, of making the wrong moral choices, of hurting others. Being clean is a normal and a good practice to stave off getting sick, its the frequency and intensity that turns it maladaptive, OCD turns your own lived fears and traumas against you, and those might very well be real things to worry about, which makes dealing with it very hard.

Enough of that off to the writing!

Lets start with Canto II

This is the first example of her constant need for a lack of ambiguity, previous to this we see her complain about the treatment the sinners are receiving from Effie and Saude, skeptical of the whole deal.

Until shes shown the plans, they are so well crafted shes able to anchor to that and calm down.

This by itself is not really much other than being very detail oriented, lets look a bit further into the chapter

Here we see that aspect elaborated upon more, this moment is framed as a very important one between Dante and Ishmael in their dynamic later on, Ishmael is incredibly upset at the plan having fallen apart so quickly, while yes this is not unreasonable to be upset at, her anger is remarked on by Dante and Gregor as very intense and unusual. This in my opinion is a minor but clear indication her need for planning and considering every option is due to a deep anxiety, but don't take it from me, lets look at Canto III

Here we are told pretty explicitly, Ishmael moving quickly and asking lots of questions is something Dante has noted as an anxious habit.

And here we have more elaboration on what exactly that moment at the Casino meant for Ishmael, it was enough anger and disappointment she has stopped expecting Dante to perform well and instead taken it upon herself to see things go according to plan, this is VERY important to her.

And her worries, are repetitive enough to annoy others, and to be remarked upon by Dante.

This is perhaps the more notable chain of events to point out previous to her chapters aside from 4.5, as it helps contextualize all her usual ways of acting in a more complete light, showing a lot of this is driven by a deep anxiety

And this all makes S.E.A all the more interesting as it pays off on this.

Something i quite enjoy about Limbus is how it re-contextualizes things characters have previously done and said. And the events of S.E.A and Canto V bring a lot of interesting stuff to the table

Lets get cracking with this chapter

In general shes extremely confrontational, and tense, more than usual

But its her anxious outbursts i wanna focus on, what she puts

emphasis on.

This chapter is so crucial in this whole analysis. We see some behaviors way more clearly now, firstly we see her emphasize her need to be absolutely 100% prepared for this, no ambiguity no risks she wants certainty.

But we see something even more clearly and that's her ruminating behaviors, shes brought up things like this to a smaller extent before like commenting on a lot of aspects but here we see in full display her inner world become externalized, shes started voicing worries shes never voiced before can Dante turn them back always? What if Dante dies? What if the sinners get eaten can that be turned back?

And these don't all get brought up immediately, she mentions them in different conversations, pointing to the fact shes constantly going over the subject in her head with no pause, and she gets frustrated when she cannot work on these worries when she cant do anything to quell the anxiety.

And the last part, when Dante finds her so fixated in her planning its impossible to even talk to her. She has to perform some action do something to stave off the disaster she can see coming in her head

As someone with OCD inevitably i have to mention the personal component that drew me to analyze this was how real this feels to when you spiral

A lot of the times OCD is explained as the compulsions being something you do cause you feel its a sort of ritual to stave off disaster. Its in this way i see it reflected in this moment.

As we see with Heathcliff acting as her foil, he points out her worrying is really not doing much other than just her talking and talking, and by the state shes in when Dante checks in on her, aimless not even paying attention to anything else we see the main objective of the planning really isn't practical as much as a compulsive coping mechanism.

She has to do something

PART III: INTO THE DARK

Lots to cover and honestly i will make a companion post to this with all the examples, so for this section i wanna cover some highlights instead, as well as a general discussion of the tone.

The way this chapter is structured is very interesting, its really reflective of the mental state of Ishmael. The chapter feels really aimless, they wander around not really ever finding what they need, which drives Ishmael more and more tense and frustrate

Its a good continuation to how we see her by the end of S.E.A fixated on one goal one thing

As previously stated shes inflicted with a constant special and unique to her status effect called "Compulsion" as covered in Part I

Her behavior is also reflective of this

For a good part of the first third of the chapter shes in her room, the whole time whetting her harpoon, nonstop

However you might notice compulsion is not as present as obsession, and compulsion is also important to OCD its in the acronym! And i have seen others point to it too

However id like you to remember, in the post earlier i said thoughts can fit into OCD, compulsions can be mental and sometimes almost exclusively or mostly mental. Its even in the DSM noted that for diagnosis the compulsions to count you for a diagnosis can be mental in nature

Its in this aspect that i feel Ishmael shines a lot

In general OCD in media is lacking in representation and is often a trait given to assholes or villains

The normal conception of OCD in movies or TV is of neat freaks or control freaks, Compulsion is usually heavily emphasized when it isn't the whole picture

Often ignored though is the aspect of Obsession, some people can have Purely Obsessional OCD (Pure O), this isn't a formal diagnosis or term but its colloquially used by people who have it. Its a bit of a misnomer, as compulsions are present but internalized as mental rituals or rumination

Usually its harder to diagnose, its harder to treat as there's no apparent compulsions others can see, and the people having it seem pretty high functioning to the people around them.

This can be noticed though in people avoiding certain subjects, avoidant behaviors can be the clearest external behavior.

I personally read Ishmael as having more mental compulsions, the way she tends to be a more ruminating and anxious character than outwardly compulsive

During S.E.A and Canto V we see outward compulsions more but from the examples from previous Cantos we can see that's not her usual and she operates more on anxious overthinking most of the time.

However another aspect that ties into mental compulsions is in the previously mentioned avoidant behaviors, we see her isolate and try to stave of having to deal with her worries in both S.E.A and the beginning of Canto V when shes in her room, in both cases doing some excessive preparation in a compulsive way.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

As previously stated Canto V deserves its own companion post, and ill work on that later, i feel this encapsulates what i wanted to say well enough.

I wanted to discuss the previous signs of her behaviors that make me certain her OCD is an intended textual read, and in my opinion a well executed one

Canto V was hard to read as it felt very real and very familiar to the worst times i have had due to my OCD.

Shes a character that despite my distaste i have developed for the franchise, it will never stop meaning a lot to me same as her chapter will always be a piece of storytelling that affected me deeply in ways others haven't

To close i want to leave off what i feel encapsulates the feeling pretty well, in my favorite moment with the membrane consuming her as a metaphor for letting fear, anger, obsessions and compulsions cloud your mind until you forget why you were even there

To you, dear reader, Bon Voyage

[impala-dreamer]

Yes, it’s that time again. As an oversized turkey thaws in your fridge and Mariah Carey starts doing her vocal warm ups, it’s time to think about gifting something special to those you love.

Why not give the fanfic lover in your life a custom written fanfiction designed and starring Them?!

Imagine the joy on your bestie’s face as they read about riding in the Impala with Dean and singing along to their favorite song! The magical feeling they’ll get when Bucky rescues them and his prickly exterior softens at their touch… Or hell- get one for yourself and read the story you’ve always dreamed about but couldn’t find ;)

So many possibilities and stories to tell!

Read on for more info and please, reblog to spread the word. 💖

How does it work?

You send me a message and we discuss what type of story you’d like. If I think I can do it properly for you- it’s a go!

You provide details about the character (you, someone else, multiples). Stories can be OFC, Actual People, or Reader Insert.

You leave me alone for a few days and when I return, you’ll get a PDF file of your fic (including custom art) emailed right to you ready for gifting! (gift wrap not included)

What fandoms are you writing for lately?

Any fandom can be negotiated provided I am familiar with it and feel like I would do the details justice. Ex: I’ve watched football, but I’m not gonna write a great football story bc I just don’t get it. ;)

Fandoms I am currently comfy with:

Supernatural, Supernatural RPF (Mostly all ships!)

The Boys, The Boys RPF

The Walking Dead, TWD RPF

Marvel (Cap, Bucky, Thor, Wanda, Sam), Marvel RPF (Evans & Stan)

Criminal Minds

The Hunger Games

The Magicians (Ships too!)

Random RPF Actors/Singers

What Kind of Story Can You Do?

Anything. No, wait. I’m afraid you don’t believe me. I mean… ANY T H I N G. You want hardcore smut that borders on problematic? I’m in. You want the fluffiest fluff that ever fluffed and would make Hallmark movies cringe? I got you. Angst? Dark stuff? General? Literally Anything you want. I only have one or two things I’m not comfortable with but that can all be discussed in private, and honestly, after almost 10 years doing this, no one’s ever come close to asking for them so you’re 1000% good to ask for whatever.

What’s the bottom line here?

Well, your story, which will be anywhere from 1,000 - 20,000 words depending on how wordy I get, will be a flat rate of $25. This includes my full attention to your story from start to finish, accompanying art, specific detail inclusion, and an emailed PDF file that you can print out or delete, or whatever you want. It’s yours.

I do not write for word counts, only the story. If your complete story can be told in 1k words, that’s great. If it takes another 40,000 and we end up with a novel, that’s great for you and I won’t charge you any more for it! I’m more worried about giving you the best story I can than worrying about word counts.

Commissions are open now until Christmas Eve Eve (Dec 23, 2023).

I will only take FIVE commissions at any time, so best to get to me first. First come, first serve, then I go down the line.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I’m not scary.

You can also check out my Tumblr Masterlist for examples of my work incase you’re unsure. And… just a reminder, Patrons get a discount!

Much love and wishes for an awesome end of the year,

Beka <3

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[beevean]

I'm sure Whisper unintentionally becoming the IDW serie's punching bag was just because they really wanted her to come off much more tragic and sympathetic than she already was. We all fall into that trap of wanting to have our favorite characters suffer a bunch to add more conflict or drama, or to want to see them eventually overcome it. But in Whisper's case it's not only gotten comical in how much the universe apparently hates her guts, but it's now gotten to the point of having really shitty unintentional implications behind it. I hate to say that it feels like "fan fiction" writing, because it's overused as a form of criticism, but most of the people who work on IDW started as just fans, sooo, yeah.

I say it's fanfiction writing. It's overly self indulgent - notice how much Belle and the two birds, Stanley's OCs, are shilled through the issue at the expense of Tails and others - and poorly thought out in terms of plot, while cranking up the angst and drama to ridiculous degrees. It has all the hallmarks of a fic written by two 13 yo roleplaying on Discord. And you know, if this was just a fanfic, I'd maybe laugh a bit at it, but move on quickly.

Difference is, they charged money for it, and whether we like it or not, IDW is the series that put Flynn on SEGA's spotlight, so it is way more relevant than a fic.

But yeah, Whisper is very much milked for drama because... well, what else is left to her? She is made by her trauma and her implied feelings for Tangle. How do you make her interesting? By making her tragic and pitiable by squeezing her PTSD like a rotten lemon! Instant drama, trigger her, then have her apologizing to keep her sympathetic! Don't think about the implications too much, we just need to create Drama for the readers, and this is the best conflict we got!

Incidentally, I don't think Whisper has talked to any canon character except Sonic in a long time.

[folklauerate]

I’ll say something else while I’m here-one of my biggest issues with Bridgerton s2 was the lack of cohesiveness. Jesus Christ no one is upset with characters making unlikable decisions and if you want a wedding for the sake of drama, Shondaland, have a fucking wedding, but make it earned! And on top of that, the wedding episode had the fucking audacity to be boring as shit! Just all trodding on and operating off of the assumption the viewer would be aghast and would sit through nearly an hour of boring yawn snooze because there were “stakes” and it seemed like the main pair might not get together. Like for fuck’s sake have as much drama as you like but at least make it well written! Instead the wedding episode is a dirge and not because it’s a reflection of some character’s mental state or any seemingly deep reason, no; it’s like they decided there would be a wedding and shrugged when it came to getting the character’s there. It doesn’t count as good writing if you’ve spent the past months/years trying to wrap your head around or write fic around the reasons why x decision by y characters make sense to fill in gaps that shouldn’t be there in the first place and that’s all this fandom has done.

People’s issue with side plots taking up too much time isn’t really that they take up too much time-it’s that none of them follow a set of overarching themes of the season and feed into them or a main storyline in a significant way, giving the illusion to the viewer that they’re completely separate from the romance at the core and therefore taking away from it, as opposed to everything being harmonious.

On top of that, the characterizations are so fucking varied and there’s a large tonal shift between s1 and s2 in terms of the way the Bridgersibs interact with one another. Siblings can fight and be rude and whatever to one another but for them to turn into completely different people out of nowhere is so ??

And on the topic of characterizations-WHERE WAS KATE’S??? Anthony gets 28363938 motivations for why he is the way he is and then is honestly left floundering with all of them, until you’re honestly a bit ?? as to why he can’t marry for love, and then you get Kate who is just… There. Why can’t she marry for love? Why is she hellbent against marrying? Why is she prioritizing her family’s finances and Mary/Edwina above herself? What conversations did she have with her father before he died to make her this way or was she always like this? What were their lives like in India? I could keep going! At least in the book you get some half hearted “I’m too ugly and old to get a match” reason but in the show no one is going to fucking believe Simone Ashley is too ugly or old to get whatever lord she wants 😭✋ and THEN???? To top it all off-Kate and Anthony don’t have a single meaningful discussion around an entire eight episodes!!!!! Not one!!!!!!!!! What fucking growth happens between them fucking and the coma and then their fucking dance to have them propose? If the actors themselves had to invent all these so called secret conversations their characters had in between everything to make things make sense, I really don’t think that’s a hallmark of good writing. They rush that happy ending in there at the end and it feels like they forgot they had to end the fucking show with these two characters together and they just said “fuck it let them kiss” and that’s what we got. WHAT CONVERSATION OF SUBSTANCE DID THEY HAVE. And what fucking argument can you make that it’s okay that it didn’t happen on screen??) NONE!!! It’s TV! It’s a VISUAL FORMAT??? Oh my god.

I told myself I wouldn’t rant about this, just redirect people to walle’s thoughts on this, which is (in her own words) how she sat shiva for the fucking wreck of what Bridgerton s2 is. Walle if you don’t know wrote a thousand cuts and s2 was the nail in the coffin for her. It was so so so bad. It went against such basic principles of storytelling. The writing was so abhorrent. It was insane. And to defend it feels more insane it feels like you’ve been taken hostage by this damn show and you’re writing thinkpieces on tumblr and twitter to make it make sense!

What grates me is that it really could’ve been good. The juice was there. The actors are amazing. The production team is clearly so so dedicated and hard working. IT WAS ALL THERE. Honestly the way the show was marketed in the trailer feels completely different from how it came out and I have to think there was some fuckshit going on behind the scenes given the large tonal shift during/after ep 4 and CVD’s hasty and odd departure.

[ausantana]

Guide to Sofia Coppola's cinematic universe

Written by: Au, also know as @ausantana on tumblr

A guide to start watching Sofia Coppola movies

(Srry for being unactive!)

click below to read more! ↓

Who is Sofia Coppola? 🎀

She’s Francis Ford Coppola’s daughter, Sofia began her acting career at the age of one in 1972, when her father put her in front of the camera in his legendary film "The Godfather." She has also appeared in many other films such as The Godfather. Part II" (1974), "The Rebels" (1982), "The Law of the Street" (1982), "Cotton Club" (1984) or "Peggy Sue Got Married" (1986)

In 1990, she stopped acting due to the numerous criticisms she suffered after her appearance in "The Godfather Part III."

In 1996 she directed her first film, The Virgin Suicides, which was very well received by critics. She later directed films such as "Lost in Translation" (2003), "Marie Antoinette" (2006) or "Somewhere" (2010), which made her one of the most talented filmmakers of her generation.

In addition to having created numerous great films, Coppola has also directed music videos for music groups such as Air, which was part of the soundtrack of one of her films, "The Virgin Suicides", she has created short films and promotional videos for brands like Dior.

My personal favorite is that of Miss Dior Cherie in 2005, a fragrance that we put a face to with Natalie Portman.

Click here to watch the video!

Movies that she directed 🎞️

- The virgin Suicides (1999)

- Lost in Translation (2003)

- Marie Antoinette (2006)

- Somewhere (2010)

- The Bling Ring (2013)

- A Very Murray Christmas (2015)

- The Beguiled (2017)

- On the Rocks (2020)

- Priscilla (2023)

My personal top 4 favorites!

🥇The Virgin Suicides

🥈Priscilla

🥉Marie Antoinette

4. Lost in Translation

Sofia Coppola's Filmography Analysis

Sofia uses teenage nostalgia to catch us in the smallest and smallest details that adorn her films and that take us back to some memory or even experience with her stories shows us how complicated the teenage stage can be. That feeling of loneliness, confusion or insecurity that the characters reflect with which any girl could identify and the feeling of being a teenage girl became Sofia Coppola's hallmark. And this goes far beyond the aesthetic, I'm talking about what represents more than one generation that has seen itself reflected in her films and that is why I admire her so much.

Even though it's a short post, I hope you liked it! I will try to write more often,

xoxo, Au.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Sense and Sensibility (2024, Hallmark) a review

I had expectations for this movie. They were not surpassed. It didn't perform below them either.

Spoilers under the cut.

So, this is a short movie (1.24hr long) a tv movie, a hallmark movie. You must keep that in mind as a frame of reference for what I'm about to say. You cannot really compare this with theatrical movies on equal footing.

Where to start. Costumes and sets. It is Bridgerton's world and we live in it. Everything is VERY colorful and shiny and not very real looking; that was to be expected. I think that sort of semi-fantasy aspect didn't hurt at all, and it was consistent. If you are not going to stick to the time period, at least go ham and show me something really interesting. I'm looking at you, Netflix Persuasion. There are some dresses that are pretty, and some others that... aren't. Considering that apparently the costume designer had to make something like 60 pieces in a month, it's kind of impressive that it came out as it did.

One funny bit, though, in this respect, is that they complain about how small the cottage is like some actual estate houses aren't the same size IRL XD Allenham we only get to see from afar, and it is rather disappointing.

Music: nothing to write home about, to be expected. Yes, we got one of those Vitamin String Quartet modern-song-played-by-strings. IDK. They were a bit dorky in their heyday, I don't know why they are so sought after in these pieces lately. I digress.

The acting. Deborah Ayorinde was a really good Elinor. She definitely deserved better writing and direction. The rest of the cast was good enough; I feel some roles really benefited from their characters being a bit hammy already in the source material (Lucy, Mrs Jennings, Anne, Fanny, Robert), others were really struggling because of being given very poor dialogue (Mrs Dashwood), and others were just... not good (Willoughby and Brandon, sadly). Edward was... a very special case. I can only describe it as the actor having two expressions: one, an attempt at reaching Hugh Grant's adorkableness AND Dan Stevens' ease at the same time, and two [SCREAMING INTERNALLY], but I guess those two were indeed enough to make it work just fine!

Which leads me to the writing. We all knew this adaptation was going to live or die in the writing, and most likely die.

The thing is that most of it is written around repeating 95' and 08's greatest hits, while attempting to compress the narrative into an hour and a half. And that goes as well as you can expect it to. Some scenes are painfully rushed -Brandon's backstory was extremely awkward to get through- some things are over before you have any time to assess their real weight -Marianne's illness, and many others end up being... incongruous.

Let me stop a little on those. The movie keeps Margaret, and gives her the whole play acting as a pirate with Edward from 95', but then removes the only real plot relevant thing she does in the book. So why keep the character at all? (Willoughby asks for Marianne's handkerchief in exchange for Queen Maab, instead of cutting a lock of her hair).

Because 2008 makes Brandon suspicious of Willoughby from the get go, this one makes it so that they know each other and implies that Brandon knows dirt on Willoughby, but then plays the rest of the story straight, which makes it... pretty inconsistent.

Speaking of Brandon, we have reached adaptation #5 that cuts out the fact that he tried to elope with Eliza sr. This time the backstory is that his father promised to let him marry Eliza if he proved himself as a soldier, but when he came back, he found his father has kicked her out of the house. Yeah, that was utter nonsense.

The adaptation makes a clumsy attempt at including the dinner at Mrs Ferrars... but Brandon isn't there to see Marianne defend Elinor.

We needed to have a "Brandon rescues Marianne in the rain" scene, but in this case, she's not faint or anything, he just grabs her because she's sad XD

And the list goes on and on and on. It was to be expected that the shadow of both 95 and 08 would be large over this one, but it truly is to the point that the references and contrivances are almost constant. Which is a pity because I think most of the original choices were interesting.

For example, Marianne twists her ankle running after Margaret, to try and stop her from asking something embarrassing, which is a good choice in terms of showing that Marianne is passionate, but she has more sense than Margaret.

On his deathbed, Mr Dashwood makes Elinor promise that she will take care of her mom and sisters and keep the family together. That added pressure on Elinor works really well in the context of the adaptation, and ads a new layer of interest.

John Dashwood is written mostly as a hapless but not malicious idiot. This is similar to what From Prada to Nada did (though there it made more sense because of the father having two families simultaneously), but I'm not sure where was that going. They did cut the Palmers, so I suppose the choice was so that they could go to Norland instead on their way to Barton (it is never established that Norland is so far away as it is in the book, so I guess one could give it a pass), but in that case, I feel the most cost effective shortcut is... have them go to Barton? Because we do get to see Barton (Marianne goes alone with Brandon to see it close to the end, and they get engaged before Edward returns, don't think much about it, manners and such are... for this movie... loose guidelines. But it isn't super offensive most of the time).

Anne Steele is decent fun as she's supposed to be, but Lucy really suffers the flattening. The mastermind has been flanderized into just a mean girl, and that's a pity.

Oh, Edward is sassy at times! And the sassy jokes land! I have to say it is not my preferred way of doing the character, but he does show some sass at the end of the novel, so, you know, I'll allow it I suppose XD

Edward's return and proposal started pretty good, but it overstayed its welcome. I cannot emphasize enough that, when writing this kind of proposal, you must avoid the word love if you can, and if you must use it, use it once, and with great reluctance.

The movie chooses to dedicate quite a time to the reveal of Edward and Lucy's relationship, and it's honestly... decent? For a scene made out of whole cloth it stands on its own feet reasonably well. But there's no Fanny freakout. This is probably the most shocking plot twist in the adaptation. This very on-the-nose Hallmark adaptation decided to cut the Fanny freakout of all things. Impressive restraint.

One thing, however, that was sadly cut out was Elinor and Marianne's conversation about Willoughby at Barton. It is instead replaced by an unsubtle comparison between Willoughby and Edward, and an exchange between Brandon and Marianne. It is one of the several points where the storytelling relies on previous knowledge of the work.

These are my main, disordered thoughts. I leave you with this choice from the ending, that I cannot form a thought about:

At Elinor and Edward's wedding, on the first pew are in attendance, from center to side: Mrs Dashwood, Margaret, Marianne, colonel Brandon... and Eliza Williams with her baby in her arms.

As a summary, I'd say Elinor and Edward's story was good enough, the relationship between the sisters was sweet, there were some odd choices, some interesting choices, and overall the writing was severely downgraded by attempting so much to stick to the choices of previous famous adaptations.