#the guac is ok at best

[an-aura-about-you]

oof. splurged on ordering lunch for myself, but it is like 0% satisfying.

[medicinemane]

.

[genekies]

suffering fr yall

vent in tags

[icanbeyourjedi-writes]

Love, Wings and Football

Wing Bro/Mr. Ben x F!Reader

Summary: It's Super Bowl Sunday, a recent breakup and the lack of football knowledge leads to unexpected romance Words: 2356 A/N: Just a quick little one shot involving our beloved teacher Mr. Ben...you can't tell me that Wing Bro and Mr Ben aren't the same person. Anyways, there isn't a lot of football talk in this. If you didn't watch the game, that's ok you can still follow the story and have fun with it. There is also a little Easter Egg for those people who know some of Kenan Thompson's old work.... Thanks to @theewokingdead for the beta and texting with me during the game last night.

**Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. **

Two months, it had been two months since he had told me he loved me, to get me into bed, then break my heart. Telling me I wasn’t good enough, I was weak and worthless. I know I shouldn’t believe him. I had buried myself with work, putting in 50+ hour weeks. Anything to stay busy and not be reminded of his words. It was Sunday, laying on the Lazy-Boy in the most comfortable sweats and hoodie I had for as long as I can remember. Curling in to watch the latest horror movie with a bowl of popcorn. 

“Get up loser, we’re going to a party” Julie your best friend and roommate grabs your bowl of popcorn 

“Heeeeey, I don’t even like football. Let me just sit here and enjoy my movie. I’m gonna be so outta place” you reach for your bowl of popcorn 

“Mmmm but there’s wings…and you do love wings” she retorts putting the bowl of popcorn in the kitchen island 

“This is true, I do love wings” you nod your head and put your feet on the ground

It was Super Bowl Sunday and everyone you knew was having some kind of party. I’m really not that big of a football fan. I’d pretend to be interested, making Luke my dick of an ex happy by watching a game with him. I had no idea what two teams made it, and to be honest I didn’t really care. I thought the season ended weeks ago. My head hasn't been in the right place, and I stopped listening about the ‘home’ team when the only reason I cared wasn’t around. 

“There’s something on your bed, throw in on and we’re going to Russ’. It’s a small get together” she says as you walk by 

There’s a long sleeve yellow shirt, with a red jersey and the number 15 on the front and Mahomes on the back. She also left a red and yellow beanie next to it. It was 50° there was no need for the sleeves and beanie. I leave the yellow shirt and throw the red jersey over my head. A pair of black leggings and cute ankle boots. Grabbing the beanie I walk back towards the kitchen. 

“Do I really have to wear this?” I pull on the jersey. It’s uncomfortable and I am already regretting the decision 

“I know nothing about this team, or Mahomes. What if someone tries to talk to me?” I sigh watching Julieh put two bags of chips into a bag 

“That’s the best part of a Super Bowl party, no one talks. You talk about the game you get hushed because the game is on. You can’t talk during commercials because it’s Super Bowl commercials…and then half time it’s reload on food and watch the music act” she turns me handing me two large bowls of guac “you’ll be fine. And maybe there’s a cute guy there to help break your funk” 

“Thought you said there was no talking” you raise an eyebrow 

“Shut up…let’s roll” she moves towards the door grabbing her car keys wearing a white version of the jersey I’m wearing. Taking a deep breath and praying this works I follow her to the car. 

******* 

She comes to a stop on the small porch before knocking on the door. She turns around to face me. My eyes looking down at the bowls to make sure I didn’t spill anything. She slides the bag she was carrying over her shoulder. Adjusting my hair, and sliding the beanie on top of my head, “stop…what are you doing?” I ask her annoyed 

“Smile,” she says and I give her the best fake smile I’ve grown accustomed to being a server “a real one…and try to have some fun ok?” I nod as she turns to the door 

A guy comes to the door, opening it excitedly yelling “the wings are….” Before stopping when he sees that it’s not the wings “Nevermind it’s just the girls” he sighs 

“Just the girls? Really Russ you know I can turn around and take this guac you specifically asked for and go back home” she shoves him 

“THE GIRLS ARE HERE…” he shouts with a bit more enthusiasm “thanks Cat Lady. You’re the best” he smiles giving her a hug 

Russ and Julie have known eachother since they were kids. They played hockey together in Minnesota and stuck by one another to high school and college. Inside there were a dozen or so people, everyone in a football jersey. I walked towards the kitchen to set down the bowls Julie had given me when you heard a laugh coming from the other room. It’s a deep contagious laugh that makes me smile and want to know what he’s laughing about. I turn the corner towards the sound of the laughing and find what could only be described as the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on. I smile and watch him as he talks to some blonde women in a green jersey and another man in a white jersey. He catches me smiling at him, and grins. I look away quickly at being caught turning and running right into Russ and his large frame. 

“Shit…sorry” I say regaining my balance with the help of Russ 

“The TV and party are that way” he turns my body around and gently pushes me towards the handsome man who just caught me staring at him 

He looks up and takes a swig of his beer as I walk behind him to what conveniently was the only spot that was left open. “Shit” I say under my breath. Julie brings in two bags of chips and the guac she had made, setting them on the coffee table in front of all of us. He’s even more handsome this close. The angles of his jaw, his strong nose and golden skin have him looking like a Greek God. The worst part, the sound of his voice, it’s the kind that he could read the phone book and it would be interesting. 

Leaning forward and reaching for the bag of chips, his hand reaching for the same bag. Our hands brush, and I pull back quickly “sorry,” I say quietly 

“Oh no…no ladies first” he smiles, and holy shit that smile…

Reaching my hand into the bag and pulling out a few chips I turn the bag back towards him, “thank you”.  The conversation picking up about how long everyone thinks the National Anthem would take “well on average a country singer sings it about a minute and 40 seconds” I chime in and suddenly all eyes are on me “what?” 

“Wanna put money on it?” Russ smiles 

“Yeaaaaaaaah no. I’m good” 

“I’ll take that bet, under two minutes…what’d ya say Russ $50 bucks?” the handsome stranger reaches into his back pocket pulling out his wallet and throwing some money on the table 

“You sure you wanna do that Big Boy?” Russ chuckles, throwing some money on the table “First word to last word…” 

It was the last commercial break before the game was set to begin. I wandered to the kitchen trying to find something other than beer to drink. Finally, I found a bottle of water in the back of the fridge and the doorbell rang. Big Boy as Russ called him ran to the door just as I was rounding a corner running directly into him with a loud oof. His arms wrapped around me holding me up so I didn’t fall over. I look up into a beautiful pair of brown eyes shining down at me “whoa there…” he chuckles 

“Sorry…sorry” I duck my head down. Thanking him I walk quickly back to the living room trying to hide my rosy cheeks from him. Julie quickly sending me a text as I sat down

Jules: He’s cute…and single. Stop being weird. Talk to him 

I read, shaking my head. Smiling to myself with my response you said no talking. You could see her eye roll at your text. 

“The wings are here!” You hear from the front door, and he walks back in with three large buckets of wings 

Setting the buckets down in the middle of the table and settling back on the couch just as the singer was to begin the National Anthem. He pulls out his phone and opens up a stopwatch, clicking the start button as soon as he belts out the first notes. 

“Ha two minutes on the dot” he holds up his phone “I’ll be taking this…thank you very much” 

He winks at me and I swear my heart stopped for a moment. Sliding the money into his wallet and grabbing a plate. Piling a few of each sun flavor onto his plate. I grab a few of the wings closer to me, a Caribbean Jerk flavor. As the game begins the conversations begin to die down. A few “oooooh” and “what a pass” the first possession of the game resulting in a touchdown for Russ’ team. 

The trash talking was short lived by Russ and the game is quickly tied. The few people in red shirts giving Russ a hard time for getting excited so early in the game. I tried to focus on the game as much as I could, but my eyes kept drifting towards the man sitting near me. Him moving closer and closer to the edge of the seat. The wings all but devoured by the second quarter, beer bottles scattered among the table. 

I was more than excited when half time had started, the game tied. The group of older men talking through some of the plays while the stage got set up, I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t want to miss a moment of the real reason I was actually there.  After washing my hands I stood in front of the mirror, trying to give myself a pep talk to actually say something to the handsome guy.  “Ok, you can do this.  He’s just a guy, you can totally say hi…stop being weird” I sigh to myself. 

Looking down at my phone while I walk back to the group, googling some kind of information about the team and the game so I can sound smart, I can hear; “anyone else want anything?” right before I get hit against the wall.  A pair of large warm hands grabbing my waist, looking up I see him again

“You know, if we are gonna keep running into each other like this, I should at least know your name.” He chuckles, but still holding on to my waist “I’m Ben”

“Hi Ben,” and I told him my name.  This close, I swear I know him from somewhere. Russ yelling from down the hall that its starting and telling Ben to hurry up with the beers. I smile at him, and watch as he runs to the fridge grabbing a handful of beers and making his way back to the group.

Singing and dancing in your chair to every hit song, the performance was over all too quickly and talk of the game started again. Russ’ team, dominating most of the quarter, Ben leaning back in his chair with the look of defeat much like the other fans in red. Russ looking gleeful and looking at Ben, “50 bucks, Eagles win the whole thing…Ben wanna take that bet?”

I was a betting person, but I also was doing some research while in the bathroom…odds making. So when Ben agreed with a ’double or nothing Taylor’ I felt the need to chime in and let Ben know exactly what he was getting into.  “The team leading into the third quarter have a 77.3% chance of winning the whole thing” 

“So you’re saying there's a chance” Ben looks at you

“A small chance, but yes mathematically speaking. There is a chance” 

The fourth started, with a touch down from Ben’s team to tie the game.  Everyone cheers, and Ben looks at me giving me a high five. His hand lingers for a brief moment and I swear there was a spark between us.  He pulls his hand back, watching as the kicker scored an extra point.giving the team the lead for the first time. 

Russ’ team didn’t score this time when they had the ball and had to give it back, giving Ben’s team another chance to score, and they did, giving them the lead once again. Ben gives you a huge smile, with just minutes left in the game Russ’ boys tie it up once again. Everyone stands and Russ is covering his face with his hands, you are standing shoulder to shoulder next to Ben and you feel his nervous excitement.  A penalty review pauses the game, causing an argument to start on rather or the call should stand or not. When the ref makes his final call of holding Russ disagrees with disgust while Ben does a little fist bump knowing that this could be the play that gives him the win and the money. 

With just seconds left in the game, the team kicks a field goal giving them a three point lead. Ben draps his arm over myshoulder when Russ' team gets the ball and throws a Hail Mary down the field when the clock hits zero. The ball hits the ground and Ben wraps his arms around me, giving me a hug and spinning me around with excitement. His hands linger, his eyes locking with mine. For a moment I think he is going to lean down and kiss me and someone claps him on the shoulder and his attention drifts towards them high-fiving them and grabbing the money from the table. “Thanks for the money Russ” he grins before looking back at me

He nods his head towards the kitchen, a hint for me to follow. I do “so, uhm…I think I owe someone a dinner. After all you did help with this” he smiles fanning the money “would you, like to go on a date with me?” 

@littlemisspascal

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

011 of 2023

Peanut butter on bread is awful Fried noodles > noodle soup Sushi is gross Soup is the best food Any food that isn't solid isn't worth having American pancakes are too thick, fluffy and doughy to be good Tomatoes are underrated Plain porridge is much nicer than flavoured Tomatoes are overrated Avocado is ok at best and too much of a hassle to deal with. It’s only good and ripe for like a 2 hour period, otherwise it’s hard as a rock or disgusting slimy mush Donuts are overrated Oatmeal and raisin cookies do not deserve the hate, they're just as good as choc chip cookies Eggnog is just nasty Mustard is an underrated condiment A burrito should be eaten as is. No need to pour in more salsa, guac, sour cream etc. Cream cakes are awful Bananas are one of the worst fruits Cauliflower rice isn't that bad Sweet potato is awful Good cheese is satisfying and worth every calorie Charcuterie boards are not appealing Toffee has no appeal/is actively unpleasant to chew Potatoes are disgusting no matter which way they're prepared Adding cheese to burgers, sandwiches, pasta, etc… Is so unnecessary Some starter/appetiser dishes work as main courses and there's no reason for it to be considered weird Dairy is disgusting, both its flavour and texture and the industry in general Coating something in breadcrumbs makes something automatically mid, on account of being the least adventurous thing you could do to a food Plain sweet biscuits (cookies) are better than the cream filled ones For how common/ubiquitous they are, soups receive surprisingly little amounts of hype/praise Canned tuna deserves more recognition Not putting salt on things is mostly useless in terms of health benefits and just makes even the tastiest dish taste of hospital slop Prunes taste really good Brussel sprouts are delicious

[la-appel-du-vide]

06•13•23

Yay, B's birthday! He turned 28, and funnily enough, he had thought he was already 28 a few months ago haha. We were talking about the age difference between me and Mikayla, and she had just turned 26, so I said, "We're a little under two years apart." And B goes, "You mean three." And I said, ".... no I mean 2." And he was like, "But we're 28." Hahah WHAT. So now he feels young again. (;

We had a fun week of celebrating! On his actual birthday, I had to work, but I got to do some work from home. I was able to decorate the house before I left, and bring him a Costa Vida salad for lunch. After we wrapped work up, we went out to dinner at a new Mexican restaurant in SLC he picked, called Lola. It was fun to sit on the patio and try something new. It had good chips and guac, but we both ordered burritos, and they ended up being open faced? They were still ok, but maybe not my favorite ever haha.

But then we got Blacksmith Ice Cream since it's the best, and went home for the surprise birthday cake I got him and gifts! Reefy got him a vinyl record for his collection, and I got him a set of golf clubs! (;

But the celebrations did not end there.

He had requested a flight lesson/experience for his birthday, so that's what we did on Friday! I found a flight school that allowed us to go up in a starter plane for an hour, and once we got up there, they let B take the controls and fly us around. We flew over Heber Valley and back through Provo Canyon. It was really beautiful, and he loved getting to fly and learn more about the controls and dials haha.

Then we got Chick-fil-A and went to the Utah Valley Parade of Homes - some of his other favorite things. This was our first time at the Utah Valley parade, and they are on a whole other level. WOW. We loved it. These homes are amazing.

Finally, we had dinner with my parents for his birthday at Tucanos, and they gave him some off-road tracks for his Jeep, which he's excited about.

He got some vinyl from his parents on Sunday as well.

Overall, I think he had a happy day, and now he is 28 for real!

[woah-were-halfway-there]

For the prompts: embracing each other from behind, ruffling their hair, laying their head on the others shoulders!

ahhhhh ok I'm sorry it took me so long to post any of these but I promise I will post more! Here's a blurb that's a little over 1k though for these prompts :)

It was a rainy October day in Toronto. Auston and Carson had been back in the city for almost a month after spending the summer in Arizona.

Almost as soon as they were back, life got hectic again. Auston and Carson had a solid two days to settle into their condo and spent those days at home together, just chilling with Frank before Auston started doing NHL player media and practicing for the upcoming season.

On the outside, nothing would have seemed any different for the engaged couple. This wasn’t the first time they’d had to adjust to being back in Toronto after spending months in the desert heat of Scottsdale. But this return to the city was different for both Carson and Auston compared to years prior.

At this point, Carson was about 24 weeks pregnant with their first child. Ever since finding out they were expecting, life became a whirlwind in the best way possible. Carson’s pregnancy was not planned and caught them off guard, but she and Auston loved their baby so much already. They were excited for what the future would hold, but getting ready for the baby, wedding planning, and hockey season mushed together was sometimes challenging for them to find some downtime to spend together.

But today, Auston was determined to make that happen.

He was on his way home from practice. Since having wrist surgery at the end of the summer, Auston was gradually getting back up to the speed of things. He knew he wouldn’t be ready to play in the first few games of the season but was so excited to get back out there doing what he loves in front of some of the best fans.

However, before then, Auston was excited about the little night he planned for him and Carson.

On his way back to the condo, Auston called Carson to ask if she’d already started making dinner. When she said she hadn’t but would probably start making something soon, Auston told her not to and that he had it covered. Instead, he stopped by the grocery to pick up some things for an entire taco spread. Carson had been talking about how badly she wanted a taco night soon but was going to wait until the next time they went grocery shopping to get the stuff to make them.

But, those pregnancy cravings were getting her real bad. She couldn’t stop snacking, which Auston thought was adorable, but Carson has also definitely cried over them being out of pickles before. Her current fixation conveniently enough was guacamole for some reason. Over the past couple of days, she’d already devoured a bag of nachos and store-bought guac and had plans to buy more. But that morning, she said to Auston how what she purchased was nothing compared to the guac he makes, then proceeded to say how much she’d love him if he made her some. So, naturally, Auston picked up the stuff to make fresh guacamole as well and couldn’t wait to see Carson’s reaction once he brought all of the stuff back home.

When Auston got back to the condo, he was greeted by Frank happily at the door, but if he didn’t know better, he would’ve assumed no one was home. Instead, no lights were on, and everything was quiet.

“Carse?” Auston called out, knowing that Carson was there somewhere.

“Hey,” Carson’s voice sounded gently from down the hall in their bedroom. “I’m just laying down.”

“All good, rest up,” Auston replied. “I’m going to get dinner started.”

“Oooo, what’re you making?”

“It’s a surprise. Come join when you’re feeling up for it.”

“Ok, Aus,” Carson said, then let out a yawn, letting Auston know she was tired. “I’ll come out in a bit.”

After that, Auston got right to work. Frank ended up ditching him to lay with Carson, so Auston played some music as he started prepping the food but made sure it wasn’t loud enough to disturb his sleeping fiancée.

About an hour later, Auston had all the food prepped and in little bowls for easy access for taco-building and just about everything else done. The ground beef was almost done cooking as it simmered on the stove while Auston finished mixing the fresh guac and salsa he made.

He was pretty impressed with how everything turned out and thought that maybe he should wake Carson up. However, Auston decided against doing that because he knew he should let her rest regardless of how badly he wanted to spend time with her. But then a pair of arms wrapped around Auston’s middle from behind, and a body pressed against his back as they placed their head on his shoulder and leaned into the crook of his neck.

“You made tacos,” Carson gasped happily. Auston chuckled as he glanced at Carson and didn’t miss the smile on her face before she leaned down to kiss his shoulder. “It smells incredible.”

“Thank you,” Auston said as he spun around in her hold so that they could face each other, smiling again at how Carson’s arms stayed wrapped around his middle and as she looked up at him. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving,” she replied before stepping back and looking at him curiously. Auston was about to ask her what was the matter, but then Carson reached up to ruffle his still slightly damp hair. “Did you shower after practice?”

“Yes,” Auston answered and looked at her skeptically. “Why? Do I smell?”

“Just a teeny bit,” Carson teased, making Auston scoff defensively. “I’m kidding, babe. Of course, that makes sense seeing as your hair is still a little wet. I wasn’t sure if it was from the rain or not, though. Don’t want you to get sick.”

“Thanks, baby, but I think I’ll be ok,” he replied, then leaned down to kiss her. When Auston moved away, he took in the sweatpants and orange tie-dye Nike sweater that was definitely stolen from his side of the closet that Carson was wearing. “How’re you feeling? Did work survive a day without you?”

“They better have because I’m thinking about taking tomorrow off too,” Carson sighed. “I’ve had the worst headache all day, which I think is mainly because of the weather, but I’m just so tired. So I kinda want to take it easy tomorrow too and not go into the office, but I’ll do all of my work stuff from here. Don’t really want to go in if I’m not feeling that great, y’know?”

“Of course. And you are pregnant, Carse. Don’t overwork yourself, please.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Carson told Auston, then let her gaze fall back to the counter full of food, and it wasn’t long before she started smiling again. “You made guac too!”

“And salsa,” Auston stated. “And there’s going to be lots leftover for you to snack on later.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said, then wrapped her arms around the back of Auston’s neck so she could pull him in for another kiss. “Thank you, Aus. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to.”

“I appreciate it. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I just have to finish seasoning the beef, then we’ll be good to eat,” Auston responded. “Could you maybe put some plates and napkins on the table for us?”

“Absolutely,” Carson nodded, then moved away from Auston entirely. “I’ll grab us some water too.”

“Thanks, baby. There’s also a little bit of extra guacamole in the fridge and nachos in the pantry if you want some before we actually eat.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.”

[jobean12-blog]

Top Shelf: Chapter 13- For the Love of Books

Pairing: Bucky x reader (Bookshop/bartender/baking AU)

Word Count: 2,312

Summary: You have dinner with Steve and Peggy and fill them in. You also set up your meeting with Tony and pitch him your idea. 

Author’s Note: I loved getting some more time with Steve and Peggy here, I love everyone and how much they love each other. It was fun to write Tony too because I just love him as well. I’m sorry for the angst at the end, but as I was writing this chapter that whole thing just kind of hit me...like...oh yea, what if? If you want to check out Los Tacos you can see their menu here and Eleven Madison Park is amazing if you want to see it here. Again, I cannot thank you all enough for your continued kindness and support! You are amazing. Thank you all for reading and much love always❤❤❤

Warnings: Sweet fluff, teasing amongst friends, soft fluff and some angst at the end 

Previous Chapters: 

Chapter 1: Enchantment

Chapter 2: Cookie Crumble

Chapter 3: Sweet Anticipation

Chapter 4: Read Between the Limes

Chapter 5: Secrets on the Shelf

Chapter 6: Love Between the Covers *

Chapter 7: Love Lines & Soul Finds

Chapter 8: Drunk in Love *

Chapter 9: Pour it onto the Page

Chapter 10: Recipe for Love *

Chapter 11: The Pages in Between

Chapter 12: Bookaholics

By the time you and Bucky fell asleep it was after 7am and you slept well past lunch time. Steve and Peggy were coming by for dinner around 5 so you had plenty of time. After a nice refreshing shower, you sit on the couch, arms resting on the back while you watch Bucky make coffee. “I can just see you doing this in the bookshop. You’ll have to wear and apron and probably tie your hair back,” you say, almost dreamily.

“Maybe I’ll just cut it. I’ve been thinking of doing that.” Your stunned silence causes Bucky to turn around, two steaming cups of coffee in hand. “No?” Taking the cup in your hands you sigh at the delicious aroma, looking at Bucky while you take your first sip. “I mean. I know you’ll look handsome with any kind of haircut, but you know…I love it like this.”

He sits next to you, carefully pulling you close while you hold your coffee, “well, it was just an idea.” His hair is still wet, and you comb your fingers through it, “I know,” you whisper, taking another sip. “This is so good Buck. So good.” You sit in comfortable silence and drink your coffee. A text chimes in on both your phones and you grab yours to look while Bucky just waits for you to read it.

“Steve says he’s starving and what are we eating?” Bucky scoffs and rolls his eyes, “of course he is!” Chewing on your bottom lip, you ask, “can we just get takeout. I’m still shot from last night.” Bucky’s eyes light up. “Yes! Let’s get Los Tacos!!!” You giggle at his excitement, quickly replying to Steve with the idea. A few seconds later your phone rings. “It’s Steve,” you deadpan, answering it with a simple, “hey, Steve.”

“OK, Los Taco. Yes. But you need to get me at least 12. And then there are the sides. Do you have pen and paper? Are you ready for my order?” You pull the phone from your ear, giving Steve the side eye even though he can’t see you. “Oh my god, Steve! Just text me what you want that way I have it all down.” Silence. “Oh yea, ok, that makes sense.” You hear Peggy’s voice in the background and Steve’s loud oof before Peggy is on the line. “Hey love. Listen, I’ll get our order and text it to you right away this way you can call.” Now smiling you reply, “Thanks Peg, sounds great. See you soon!”

“You say Los Tacos and he loses his mind!” Bucky says with a sideways grin. “Well, they are delicious.” Putting down your coffee you crawl into his lap while looking over the menu. “I never know what to get though. It’s all so good.” Kissing the top of your head he mumbles something inaudible. “What?” you laugh, turning to look up at him. “I said, just make sure you get an order of chips and salsa and one of chips and guac.”

“Are you sure one of each is enough. Steve is coming.” Bucky pretends to think it over for a moment, scrunching up his nose, “you know what, maybe two of each is better.” You both laugh, cuddling closer and waiting for Peggy’s text. Once it comes through you place the giant order, thanking them profusely and explaining that it’s because you love their food so much.

Steve and Peggy arrive shortly after and you all make yourselves comfortable while you wait for the delivery. “So,” Steve says, smiling. “Let’s hear it guys.” Peggy squeezes your hand and gives you a reassuring smile. You go over your idea again, adding in the news from Sam about getting in touch with Tony. When you finish, Steve and Peggy are both smiling from ear to ear.

Steve turns to Bucky. “Does this mean you’re finally going to let me teach you some stuff?” Bucky hangs his head and laughs. “Son of a bitch. I knew you were gonna say that!” You look to Peggy with a confused face, “what is this about?” Steve’s smile gets bigger. “Bucky is jealous of my construction skills. Always has been.”

Bucky stands up, hands on his hips, “ugh, here we go,” he mumbles, walking to the kitchen. Steve continues, “I’ve always been good at building and fixing things and everything Bucky touches he breaks. But now…,” he waggles his eyebrows, “I can be in charge of the changes in the bookshop. And the only payment I require is cookies!”

You look to Bucky who is failing at trying to hide his smile, then back at Steve who can’t hold his back and launch yourself into his arms. “Really Steve? You mean that? Because that’s a huge help and a big expense and I’m getting way too excited for you to be pulling my chain.” Steve gently sets you down, his face more serious. “Nah, I’m not pulling anything. I mean it. Every word. I’ll do anything for Bucky. And you. We’re here to help.”

Bucky’s arms wrap around you from behind, holding you against his chest and he rests his chin on your head. “Thanks Steve.” They exchange a look that holds much more meaning than words could say and your heart swells once again. How did you get so lucky to fall into the arms of such a good man that has such a good family? A quiet “thank you,” leaves your lips, unsure if you can say more without breaking down.

“When are you talking to Tony?” Steve asks, his eyes soft. Regaining some composure, you explain that Sam told you to call him tomorrow and set up a meeting for that week. “Sam said he would let Tony know I would be calling. I’m nervous. He sounds intimidating.” Steve chuckles, “it’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

The four of you spend the rest of the evening bullshitting over wine and left-over cookies. It isn’t until you cover your third yawn that Peggy stands, insisting they leave the two of you to get some rest. You send them home with a few cookies and lots of hugs. Steve pulls you in tight, whispering in your ear, “I heard you got jealous over my cousins.” You push off his chest and look at him in shock. “WHAT!?! I did not. It was simply a misunderstanding. And did Bucky tell you he practically gave Peter a heart attack for simply doing his job?”

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up into his head before he looks to Bucky who pretends to not be listening. “We’ll just leave you two to sort this out. Thanks for dinner guys, have a good night.” Steve grabs Peggy’s hand and runs out the door, smiling the whole time. Spinning around you pin Bucky against the door. “So now you’re going around telling your friends I’m a jealous girlfriend, huh?”

Bucky throws his hands up, feigning innocence, “all I did was tell Steve what happened.” With a good hard poke to his chest you turn on your heel and try to hold back your giggles. “Maybe I’ll ask around the bar next weekend, see what my female customers think about me getting a haircut.” You stop dead in your tracks, slowly turning back toward him, “go for it. I’d be curious to know what they think.” With a triumphant twirl you head to the bathroom to get ready for bed, leaving Bucky in amused disbelief.

After feeble attempts to read before bed you both give in and curl up under the covers, quickly falling asleep in Bucky’s arms. As usual Monday hits you hard. You’re sitting at your office desk staring at your phone and Sam’s text with Tony’s phone number. Picking it up you dial, biting your nail while it rings. “Hey doll, everything ok?” You let out a sigh at hearing Bucky’s voice, “yea fine, thanks, I’m just nervous about calling Tony.” You can hear his smile. “Then let me call him. I’m more than happy to.”

You’re quiet for a moment, about to give in but remembering this was all your crazy idea. “No, it’s ok babe. I can do this.” “Of course, you can. Call me right after, ok? I love you.” Taking a deep breath, you reply, “I will, I love you too.” Hanging up with Bucky you give yourself five minutes before calling Tony, your hands shaky as you dial his number.

He picks up after the first ring. “Tony Stark.” You awkwardly clear your throat, cringing already. “Hey, Mr. Stark. This is y/n, y/n y/l/n. I’m a friend of Sam’s.” His voice gains energy with his greeting, “oh yes! Hi y/n. I’ve been expecting your call! Sam said you have a new business venture and wanted to meet to discuss it.” Shaking your head yes you realize you aren’t actually talking. “Yes, exactly! Bucky and I would really love your input. Sam said you have a really good head for this stuff.”

Tony scoffs, “I have the best head for this stuff! And I’d love to meet with you guys. How does Thursday night sound? We can have dinner at Eleven Madison Park, say around 7pm? I’ll take care of the reservations.” Once again, you’re shaking your head yes, this time very excitedly. “That sounds great, thank you so much! I look forward to meeting with you.” With a smile, Tony replies, “me too, see you then.”

Your fingers fumble with the phone as you try to call Bucky. He picks up immediately. “So?” “Thursday, 7pm at Eleven Madison Park!” The both of you try to celebrate with subdued excitement, failing miserably when you draw the attention of your coworkers. “Crap, I better go, everyone is looking at me funny.” You hang up and give them a little wave, doing your best to remain calm and smile.

Each night for the rest of the week you and Bucky work on devising a semi-decent ‘business plan.’ Neither of you really know what you’re doing but thankfully Sam offers to help. It isn’t until Thursday afternoon that you finally have something presentable. Shoving the papers in a folder you close it with a loud sigh, shooting Bucky a text with a picture of it.

You take a cab to the restaurant, the both of you nervous but excited. Bucky looks perfect is his button down and slacks and you’re elegant and chic in a simple black dress. You’re greeted by the hostess and you tell them you’re here to meet Tony. They immediately rush off and come back with the manager who personally escorts you to the table. Tony looks up from his papers and smiles.

“Right on time,” he says, standing to shake your hands. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Stark,” Bucky says, holding your chair out for you to sit. “Please, call me Tony.” He looks to you with a sweet smile, “and you must be y/n.” Straightening your shoulders you smile with a nod, “good to finally meet you Tony.” He clears away his papers, muttering about always having work to do.

“So, I hope you don’t mind but I ordered some wine and appetizers for us this way we can get right to business.” You both thank him, looking to each other before pulling out the folder. “We came up with a rough business plan, it’s nothing fancy but it will give you a good idea of what we want to do.” Tony waves a dismissive hand, squaring you both with a serious look. “I’m more interested in the real story. Yours. And how this idea came about. Just start from the beginning and tell me everything.”

Letting out a sigh of relief Bucky squeezes your hand and launches into a recap of the first day you met at the bookshop. Tony listens intently, his eyes warm and his smile soft. He asks questions or interjects now and then and you don’t even realize that you’ve been talking the whole time until dessert is served.

“Oh wow. This looks really good!” you blurt out, eyeing the incredible piece of art on the table. “You think you want to try to make something like this at the bookshop?” Tony jokes, taking a sip of his wine. With a chuckle you say, “no, I’m not sure it fits our aesthetic, but it does look amazing.” Tony nods, “and just wait until you taste it. But you’re right. You’re not going for fancy and over the top. It’s clear you want to create a space that’s comfortable and charming.”

Bucky smiles at you before looking back to Tony, “that’s exactly it. We don’t want to lose the feel of the bookshop, we just want to give it an update.” Tony intertwines his fingers and rests his elbows on the table. “So, I only have one question before I tell you that I want to help you.” You can barely contain your happiness at his words but then he gives you a somber look and asks, “what are you going to do if this doesn’t work out?

You’re combined confusion is evident and neither of you know what to say. Finally, Bucky speaks up. “Well, we are trying to be positive and from what you’ve told us it seems like we have a solid idea here. Failure isn’t really an option at this point. I need to make this work.” Tony’s smile is back, this time a bit more forlorn. “I like your passion. You’re going to need it, but I’m not talking about the bookshop. I mean you two,” he says, pointing at you both. “What if things don’t work out between the two of you?” Bucky quickly turns to you with a panicked look just as you suck in a breath and before he can reply you quietly say, “we never thought of that.”

@aesthetical-bucky​ @auro-ora​ @azurika-writes​ @breezy1415​ @buckys-broody-muffin​ @bugsbucky​ @book-dragon-13​ @bucky-on-my-mind​ @buckys-minty-breath​ @devynsdiary​ @eurynome827​ @emilylyoness​ @hiddles-rose​ @hawksmagnolia​ @hailmary-yramliah​ @ikaris-whore​ @imgaril-lindru​ @itsunclebucky​ @jhangelface0523​ @jewels2876​ @kaosera​ @lorilane33​ @littledarlinhavefaithinme​ @littleredstarfish​ @loricameback​ @mushyjellybeans​ @marvelandotherfandomimagines​ @marvelgirl7​ @metal-armed-cuddly-dork​ @nano--raptor​ @nerdypinupcrystal​ @randomfandompenguin​ @sallycanwait68​ @softpeachbarnes​ @scarletsoldierrr​ @tuiccim​ @the-wayward-robot​ @when-the-hell-is-bucky​ @flyawaybay​ @throwmyheartawayagain​ @amandatar-06​ @nd1998sc​ @captainchrisstan​ @vherriepie​ @godofplumsandthunder​ @fire-flv​ @jamesbarnesappreciationclub​ @irishflutiegirl​ @rinthehufflepuff​ @moonybarnes​ @nordlysinthewoods​ @inflxmes @lauratang​ @my-favorite-fics-and-imagines​ @buchanansebba​ @yansi1923​ @addikted-2-dopamine​ @curlyred2020 

[whocameupwiththilbo]

Ciao :D

It's dinner time!! Bombur is in a good mood and generous tonight, he wants to cook every dwarf's favorite dish. Tell us what favorite dish each dwarf in the company asks Bombur for dinner (make a list)!

Oooh thanks for the ask and good question! I’ll try my best but my food knowledge is very limited! xD

Ok so starting off with Bombur I feel like he would love something carb-heavy like a large plate of spaghetti bolognese with grated Parmesan, and a side of garlic bread. Like LOTS of garlic bread. He basically gets like more garlic bread than spaghetti.

I think Balin is the one who’s having the classic Middle Earth meal: something like a hot game stew and a loaf of bread with cheese and grapes. And a big mug of ale of course!

Thorin is extra as fuck so he would want something fancy and refined like caviar brioche or something and a glass of red wine.

If anybody in the Company would be vegetarian I think it would be Dori so for him maybe like stir fry and rice with a side salad. I feel like he would also be a huge fan of sushi.

To contrast that Dwalin is having prime ribs and steak fries, and don’t skimp on the bbq sauce.

Similarly Gloin would have a whole plate of chicken drumsticks and mashed potatoes.

For some reason Bofur strikes me as a Tex-mex kinda guy. Tacos, enchiladas, nachos and guac, the works. With a light beer to wash it down with.

Kili wants breakfast for dinner. Scrambled eggs with mushrooms, peppers, onions, and ground beef mixed in. Crispy bacon or sausage. Several scones with butter and jam. Maybe some pancakes. And he would get coffee but only because he wants to feel like an adult.

I feel like Fili would choose a comfort food. Like mac’n cheese. And by that I mean homemade mac ‘n cheese with flour and milk and stuff, not that orange goo.

Nori is having hella seafood. Like a whole bowl of shrimp, perfectly seasoned salmon, scallops and mussels , and fried calamari.

Ori is eating chicken nuggets. No I will not elaborate.

Oin would have potato soup with a bread bowl and a baguette for dipping in, with some kettle chips on the side.

And finally, Bifur is having a venison steak (he shot the deer himself!)

[gaillol-13]

ITTHIGSS AU

Cartoon encounter.

Part 3 of this (part 2) Swear warning!

*sigh* "it just doesn't make any sense!"

I've been trying to figure out who that guy is for a while now, ever since I got home from the interview today. It just seemed like something out of a horror film, I don't understand. And they sounded so much like...no. I sat down for a moment to look at the pictures I took, and tried to recall what happened in the room with the tv (and the closet).

"Ok, so blood was coming out of the Tv," I spoke "I heard the killer walking towards me, with their arms out to grab me. They're voice sounded static-like, they were humming the Captoon's theme song. And then one of the police officers went in the room, the humming stopped, I looked in the closet but they were gone...they..."

I sighed.

"They sounded so much like Benjamin, like, identical, the only difference is the static. But, he's been dead for almost a year now, it just doesn't make any sense..."

"Beb-beeep, beb-beeeeep!!! Movement detected!!!"

What?! Theres someone trying to get in the house? I immediately check the security cameras but find no one there. The only evidence is the broken steel doors and a note, I zoomed in on it to get a closer look at what it said, I turned pale.

"Bonjournie~ Mr.Melvin :)"

That's what the note said, and the paper had the same static texture as the hammer piece I had.

The same person who killed those criminals is here, and I'm next.

"MOTHER FUCKER!!!" I screamed, "Why? Why me?! Why is this guy targeting me?! Of course, its because I know too much, I should have just kept quiet, I should have just said they committed suicide, that would have made more sense than a cannibalistic cartoon-loving prick by slaughtering them with nooses and a fucking rubber hammer!!! But noooo! I have to open my big mouth and now this fucker's gonna kill me!!! GOD DAMN IT!!!!"

I tried my best to calm down, it's not easy to think if I'm going into my dinosaur brain. Okay, everything is going to be fine, he must have a weakness, everybody has one. I have lots of inventions that could be good in the situation I'm in, I just gotta think of a plan. Think Melvin think, if I were a cannibal who loves captoon, what would be my weakness?

Hmm... I looked around my room, I spotted one a bottle of paint thinner, huh. I saw this in a game once, thinner can dissolve paint, which is what cartoon characters are made out of. I thought for a moment.

He likes the Captoon cartoon, and George and Harold made that cartoon. So if I'm gonna get this guy, (I cant believe I'm about to say this) I gotta think like George and harold.

Aww hell with it!

I grabbed the thinner bottle and loaded it in a spray gun, its ridiculous, but it's my best shot. And who knows, maybe some of the robot guards took care of him already.

*THUD!!*

"OW! @%#$!!!!"

What was that?! I mean, it was obviously a cry out in pain coming from downstairs (the living room to be exact), but AFTER it sounded like a beeping sound butchered by radio static. But that didn't matter now, the fact is that this guy is in my house, I have a plan (sort of), and I'm ready for whatever is down there.

I grabbed my flashlight and slowly made my way downstairs, he could be anywhere. I turned the lights in the hallway on, no one was there though. I looked in the kitchen, as expected, the fridge was open and most of the food in there was gone, and all of the leftover guac had vanished (THAT really caused a shiver to go down my spine). When I got close to the living room, I heard a noise, or more specifically, music.

I went in the living room to find the TV playing the Captoon theme song, huh. Guess I was right about him liking that, I grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.

T h e m u s i c d i d n ' t s t o p .

Almost paralyzed with fear, I pressed the off button again, still playing, pressed it again, still going. No matter how many times I pressed it, the music kept playing. It only took me one second to realize the music was coming from behind me...along with that same feeling I had back at the abandoned school...

Oh no...

Before I could turn around, I felt something wrap around me, I looked down, I saw an arm.

Yeah, that's right, an arm was wrapping around my torso. How did I know it was an arm, at the end of it there was a gloved hand, gloved...it sorta gave me rubberhose cartoon vibes. Come to think of it, the arm was fully white like a rubberhose, I would have thought about it more I wasn't in peril.

"AAA-MMF!!!" I tried to scream, but the hand covered my mouth in an instant. The arm was fully wrapped around me now, only leaving my head uncovered.

I kicked and squirmed around trying to escape, no dice. The arm slowly turned me around, I soon realized that the arm was waaayyy longer than I previously thought. It stretched all the way to the far side of the hallway where there was nothing but darkness, nothing except...two...eyes...staring at me.

These weren't normal dot eyes, hohooohh nooo! These had the pupils and the sclera!!! And they were huge!! Who was this guy? No, scratch that. WHAT was this guy?! Forgive me for being Captain Obvious here, but there no fucking way this...thing is human!!

He was walking towards me, I squeezed my eyes shut, shit, I'm fucked. I'm going to be food, I could already see the headlines. "Class S Melvin sneedly (aka the smartest and sexiest man alive) becomes human Foie Gras to rubberhose monster". This is my end!!!

Then he (or it, I don't even know anymore) spoke.

"Shhhh, calm down."

What? Calm down?! I opened my eyes, he was still walking towards me, his eyes still the only things I could see. They looked...guilty.

"I know your scared right now." He continued

"Mmff mfm mff!!" I muffled sarcastically, it roughly translated to "NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!", and he knew it. As he became more and more visible, I froze.

The clothes...

The body figure...

The toupee...

He was a spitting image of Benjamin, except the eyes I mentioned earlier (which now revealed that he had pie-slice pupils). And there was no color, only shades of white (his skin), grey, and black...I was filled with shock...which then shifted to seething anger.

What right does this asshole have to impersonate MY boss?! NONE!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! I kicked at him furiously while delivering muffled screeching. Who the hell does he think he is?!

"Melvin please calm down-OW!"

I bit his gloved hand, he's NOT gonna tell me what to do.

"DONT "MELVIN" ME!!" I screamed "YOU CANT JUST WALTZ IN HERE THINKING I'LL LISTEN TO YOU, ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CRIMINALS YOU VILE POMPOUS CANNIBALISTIC PRICK!!! WHO ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO EVEN BE?! WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE BENJAMIN?! AND WHATS YOU LAST MEAL REQUEST CUZ OOOOOHHH DEAR SWEET DAV PILKEY AM I GONNA REPORT YOUR ASS!!!"

He gave gave me a look that was a combination of surprise, pity, scared, and impressed.

"Gosh," I heard him mutter under his static breath "that last bit kinda rhymed..".

How is this happening, when did I become prisoner of a cartoon monstrosity. Why, how. This doesn't-...then it clicked.

"This is a dream."

"Wha?"

It's the only reasonable explanation.

"This isnt real, of course. What was I thinking."

I breathe the sigh of relief, phew.

"Why else would you look like Benjamin, it's obvious my subconscious is missing him, and the reason why your a cartoon is because I've been watching captoon too much. And why are you after me? Because it's just my subconscious being guilty of Benjamin's death, like I felt responsible, like I was supposed to be there with him when it happened. It all makes sense!!"

The behemoth rolled his eyes, but that didn't matter. What matters is that this isnt real, it's just a horrible nightmare. I dont know when I fell asleep (probably when I passed out stress-eating all those croissants at the interview), but either way I'm glad that it will be over---

"OW!!!"

I felt something sharp jab me in the arm, I looked to see his gloved hand, only a little different. The pointer finger was longer and the tip was pointy, sorta like and overgrown fingernail. Either way, it hurt, and he was still there, this wasn't a dream, it was real life.

"Real enough for ya?" All I could do was nod as I watched the finger retract and return to its proper form and shape, then I heard him sigh.

"Look, they're going to search the abandoned school so I need a place to stay-" I cut him off. "Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't call the authorities."

"Cuz they would never believe you."

I opened my mouth to protest, but then i thought for a moment. He was right, they wouldn't. There was a saying in the book Our Lord Dav, where he quoted "people can be too smart for their own good" which ment if someone was too smart, they would become insane. The police might think just that if I tell them theres a living cartoon in my house.

"Please," I looked back up at him. Seeing his sad, pleading face. "I just need to hide hear for a bit, just a lil bit. I know I'm the last guy you wanna trust right now, especially after last night. But...*sigh*... I REALLY need your help...just let me stay."

I was speechless, I was starting to doubt that this was the same person that killed those criminals. His expression seemed so...bonafide. Pupils dilated to a sorrow filled manner, lips trembling, it felt like the equivalent of looking at a sad puppy. But...how do I know I should trust him.

"Your not gonna kill me?"

"Of course not!!!" He protested, by now the arm he had wrapped around me was retracted back to him, but I really wasn't paying attention. "I'm not a monster!!!"

Not a monster? My eyes narrowed.

He then rubbed the back of his head, chuckling nervously, "I guess I am if you define a monster as a creature that defies the laws of physics and nature, heh. But I'm talking about one that's heartless, ruthless, and selfish."

His eyes then darted away and his face suddenly became sour. His tone changed completely.

"Like the @*#%$, Theodore..."

Theres only one person I know who could sound and act like that when the subject was Ted murdsly...

I threw myself at him in an embrace, eyes filled with tears...

"You are Benjamin..."

I was both in shock and joy. I couldn't believe my boss was alive...I started sobbing.

"I miss you so much..."

I felt him hug me back.

"Heh, miss ya too Mel. It's been very lonely, even with him around, it's nice to see an old friend again..."

I started crying into his shoulder, I was so relieved. For one, I now know that I'm not gonna be dinner. Two, the others will be thrilled to hear that their favorite grumpy boss is back (especially her. If you catch my drift). But I thought for a moment...

"What do you mean by "even with him around"?"

He then lead me to a chair, "sit down, and let me tell you how I'm alive."

So he told me...and dear dav is it a doozy.

So after Benjamin died, George and harold were starting the Captoon cartoons, they had the help of dressy. But in the making of the first tape reel of season 1, dressy sprinkled some dust on it, making Captoon sentient. Then the boys took it to Benjamin's gravestone, and placed it there. Then lightning struck the tape and it started to melt, along with the world in it.

In major pain, Captoon got out of the tape and into Benjamin's corpse, sort of merging with it. Another lightning struck the same spot again. And since dead people come back to life when they get zapped with electricity in cartoons, thats exactly what happened to Benjamin.

He wakes up, they meet, he tells him how he died (turns out it wasn't an accident), and Captoon gets an idea. Since he needs a physical body to stay in (cuz otherwise he would melt and die), and Benjamin needs Captoon's cartoon physiques to stay alive, they become one. Becoming Krupptoon.

It finally made sense now.

"So now you know." Krupptoon said, then grabbed a nearby glass and drunk from it. Then he noticed my mind-blown expression.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just...alot to take in. Does that mean your dead body is still in you?"

"Uh-huh, wanna see?"

Intrigued, I nodded, after what I saw last night, this wont really effect me. Then his head began to shift, the white static-like skin seemed to dissolve. Revealing a pale, bloody, and very very dead head.

The left side (his left side) of the head had the skull smashed open showing that parts of the brain were missing, and pretty much almost all of the left side (again, his left) of the head looked like it was demolished from impact.

His eye (on his right) looked lifeless, yet it had a distinct green glow, don't know why. Oh yeah, and it smelled, it smelled repulsive.

I felt the urge to puke which he immediately took notice of and grabbed a nearby bucket, then he gave it to me.

5 minutes and 43 seconds of vomiting later... I looked at him for a closer inspection.

"Hmm, it seems only the left side is affected."

He then reached into his pocket, pulled out a magnifying glass and handed it to me. I then used it.

"Your frontal lobe is severely injured, that would explain why you only move in rubberhose, your Broca's Area seems fine. Same with the Sensory area and Parietal lobe. Your Temporal lobe looks pretty damaged..."

I went quiet...

"Whats wrong?" He said that with his decayed mouth barely moving.

It took me a while to try to get the words out.

"T-thats the lobe that contains memories. Benjamin...do you remember anything?"

His face fell, "Oh,". He then put his hand on his chin, "Well, I remember you, and George and harold. Ted (though I wish I didn't), my identity, how I died...". He then plopped down on the ground, his face returning to its cartoony appearance. Trying to recall, then his eyes lit up. "I...remember Edith..."

And boy what happened next was quite a site. His hand dropped to the side, a shade of gray crept up his face, hearts started floating around him, and I swear I could hear a romantic saxophone playing. I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing.

"What?" He turned his attention to me, I simply pointed upwards at the hearts floating around. His eyes went wide and he made a noise that can only be defined as a startled dog and immediately started shooing them away with his arms, his face now flashing dark grey and white in embarrassment.

"I-ITS NOT LIKE THAT!!" He yelped in a panicked tone, but I knew otherwise.

"Oh suuuuure~!" I said playfully, "Its not like you visit her in the lunchroom every day,or that you give her extra credit, or that you try to make her food everyday!"

With every example I said, he got grayer and grayer. So I kept going.

"Or that you hide a bunch of gifts around her office, or that you're always happy when she's around 24/7, or that you secretly write about how much you want to be with her forever in your journal!"

"HOW DID YOU GET MY JOURNAL?!?!" He started shrieking and becoming a charcoal grey, sweating, and flustered mess. And it was hilarious! And it lasted a good 5 minutes.

"Joking aside, you REALLY don't remember anything else, like your job?"

"I have a job?" He cocked his head and gave me a confused look.

"Nevermind." I decided it was nothing to worry about now, so I quickly dismissed that subject. Then I heard him sigh again.

"The main reason I came here is for your help, your help to kill crime."

I was confused, "why would you need my help, you have the ability to do it on your own."

He gave me a classic Captoon smile, "Because it's like I said in the cartoons" he stood up and did the pose, "it's more fun to bring justice with friends!". He then pulled me up off the chair and put his gloved hands on my shoulders.

"You, me, George and harold, and the others can stop evil in its tracks! Sure, I could do it alone. But what the heck is living if you don't do it with your chums! Buds! Home slices! Homies! Pals! Bros! ETC!!!"

Honestly, I was very moved. I usually dont get touched, but...I haven't felt like I had friends, at all (I always felt so alone). And the fact that my boss (who's also Captoon himself) considers me as a good friend is enough to make me emotional.

"So Melvin Sneedly!!! Are you gonna join this crazy but exciting ride of adventure and mystery with me?!"

"Y-YES!!!" My voice cracked a bit, but that didn't matter now.

"ALRIGHTY!!! THEN WE'LL START TOMORROW!!! BECAUSE IM TIRED!!"

Man, he said that Captoon only moved their body, but THAT moment had to disagree. I sas honestly thrilled to start working with a superhero...but then the moment took a different direction when he gave me a smug look.

"Now what did you mean by you watching that Captoon cartoon too much?"

"Now wait just a minute-"

He then laughed and patted me on the back "ight, see ya tomorrow."

I headed towards upstairs to my room "goodnight."

I didn't know what I was getting into, but whatever it was, for once I'm ready for anything!!!

End of fic

Whooooo! That took a while, but it was worth it. Now with the introductions out of the way, I can finally make some memes!

[flowerfan2]

Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

McDanno, T, A03

Summary:  After Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away.  Picks up after the end of Season 10.

Notes:  This story is set in the present, following 10x22, but there’s no COVID in it.  I wanted it to be fun.  The story is complete and will be posted over the next few weeks.  Many thanks as always to my awesome beta, @perryavenue. And apologies in advance for any formatting errors on tumblr, I spent forever fixing it up for A03 and it probably won’t translate easily at this point!

Chapter 1

April 2, 2020

Group message:  Tani Rey, Junior Reigns, Lou Grover

TR:  You guys going over to Steve’s to say goodbye tomorrow?

 JR:  Yeah.  Still think we should have a party.

 LG:  The man’s had two parties and a lunch already – how many send offs does he need?

 JR:  I don’t know, he didn’t seem to like them very much.  Maybe he needs a better one.  With just us.

 TR:  He’ll be fine.  Plus, there’s not really any time left.

 JR:  What about tonight?  He’s not coming in today, right?

 TR:  He’s got plans, Junes.

 JR:  He does?  I thought he said he had work to do around the house?  We could bring pizza and beer, help him out.

 LG:  He’s got plans with Danny.

 JR:  Danny won’t mind the help – he’d be happier supervising, anyway.

 TR:  Lou, what are we going to do with him?

 LG:  No idea.  Nothing’s worked so far.

 JR:  Are you guys talking about me?  That’s not very cool.  At least fill me in.

 TR:  Sweet Junes, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not sure we can help.

 LG:  But bring that beer over to my place tonight, and I’ll do my best.

 TR:  I’ll bring chips.

  April 3, 2020

 JR:  Okay now I feel really bummed out.  Why did Steve leave Danny down on the beach like that?  We should have had a party.

 TR:  Chill, Junes, he’ll be ok.  He’s just sad.

 JR:  Do you mean Danny or Steve?

 LG:  Yes.

 JR:  But Steve is the one who decided to leave, he shouldn’t be sad – I don’t get it.

 LG:  It’s not a straightforward situation.

 TR:  Good one, Lou.

 JR:  I feel like I’m still missing something.

 TR:  Wouldn’t be the first time.

 JR:  Hey, should we add Adam to the text?  Because he’s standing over there petting Eddie and it feels kind of awkward that we’re all texting.

 TR:  Sure, Adam is definitely sort of not really barely on Five 0 these days… why not add Jerry while you’re at it?

 JR:  Okay.

 LG:  I think Tani was joking.  But we should add Danny and Steve, it’ll give us an easy way to keep in touch while Steve’s away.

 TR:  You think it’ll work?

 LG:  Look at that sad boy down there on the beach.  It couldn’t hurt.

 TR:  Sounds good.

 JR: …so should I add Adam or not?

  April 5, 2020

 JR has changed the name of the group text to Keeping in Touch with Commander McGarrett

 JR:  How’s your trip so far, Commander?

 SM:  No need to be so formal, Junior.  And good, thanks.  Ran into an old friend.

 TR:  Wow, so we’re going to start with that, are we?  You know Danny’s in the chat, right?

 DW:  How do you think Chin knew Steve’s flight info?

 TR:  Wait, so the old friend was Chin?

 SM:  Yeah, Catherine was surprised, too.  She thought I was going to Tahoe with her.  Not sure where she got that idea.

 DW:  Careful what you say, there are kids present.

 SM:  I didn’t say anything bad.

 DW:  You were thinking it.

 LG:  Not to change the subject or anything, but how are Abby and Sara doing?

 SM:  They’re great.  Sara’s adorable.  Smart as a whip, too.  

 DW:  You gonna stay in San Fran a while?

 SM:  Yeah, a week or two.  See the sights.  I hear they have some great Italian restaurants.

 DW:  Now you’re just being mean.

 SM:  Nothing could rival your lasagna, Danny.

 DW:  Aw, you’re forgiven.

 SM:  Anyway, thanks for giving Chin the heads up that I was coming, Danny.

 DW:  No problem.  Had to make sure you weren’t going to immediately start free climbing rock faces or something.  Need to at least let the jet lag settle.

 LG:  Say hi to the Kelly clan for me, will you?

 SM:  Of course.  Gotta go, Abby and Sara want to take me to Alcatraz.

 DW:  By boat, right?

 SM:  Danno, people swim away from Alcatraz, not to it.

 DW:  Leave it to you to start a new trend.

  <b>April 24, 2020</b>

 <i>JR has changed the name of the group text to</i> <b>Keeping in Touch with Steve</b>

 SM:  Hey, just want to let you guys know that I’m going to be out of contact for a while.

 DW:  As opposed to the past few days, when you answered approximately 5% of my texts?

 LG:  You headed out into the woods?

 SM:  Desert, but yeah.  Gonna do some camping.

 DW:  Maybe you’ll see a bear.  Beat some sense into you.

 JR:  Are there bears in the desert?

 TR:  No, but there are snakes.  And spiders. Be careful, those things can be vicious.

 DW:  Yeah, careful is his middle name.

 JR:  What’s Danny so mad about?

 TR:  Not the time, Junes.

 DW:  I’m not mad, I just know how he is.  He’s probably hoping to see some snakes.  Maybe shoot a rattler, cook one over his campfire.

 SM:  I have no intention of shooting anything, I’m just going camping.

 DW:  Since when is going anywhere without shooting something fun for you?

 SM:  I’m not exactly here to have fun.

 TR:  Um, Steve, you okay?

 SM:  Signing off.  Talk to you guys later.  Give Eddie a hug for me, I miss that big guy.

  April 25, 2020

 TR:  Junes, you awake?

 JR:  Yes, are you?

 JR:  That was a joke, I know you’re awake, you texted me first.

 JR:  This is just a text between us, right?

 TR:  Yeah, it’s just us.  Lou and I are done with the stake-out, we handed it off to HPD.  Lou’s driving me home.

 JR:  Did you talk to him about Danny and Steve?  Danny seemed pissed in the group text.  What’s going on?  

 TR:  I tried, but if Lou knows what’s going on, he’s being unusually tight lipped.

 JR:  I wish Danny was back at work.  It’s weird with both him and McGarrett not there.

 TR:  He’s got at least another two weeks until his ribs heal enough to get cleared to return to active duty, at least that’s what he told me yesterday.

 JR:  Can’t he come back to headquarters, though?  I would have thought he’d want to come back, especially with him being in charge now.

 TR:  Temporarily in charge.

 JR:  Yeah, whatever.  Didn’t really sound like that when the governor stopped by, did it?

 TR:  I don’t know, Junior, I really don’t.  But Danny doesn’t really seem eager to get back to work.  Maybe he’s had it with us.

 JR:  With Five-0?  You think he’s gonna do the restaurant thing again?

 TR:  No, that was a disaster.

 JR:  Well, I hope Danny comes back to Five-0.  Otherwise Adam might think he’s got a permanent spot.

 TR:  You really don’t like Adam much, do you?

 JR:  I don’t know, he seems to have an explanation for everything.  But I don’t trust him.  Not like Steve and Danny.

 TR:  I miss them too.  But Danny’s around anytime you want to talk to him.  He whispered in my ear for two hours yesterday when I was questioning that record store owner who tried his hand at money laundering.

 JR:  But Steve’s been pretty out of touch.

 TR:  I think that was the idea of his trip.  It’s definitely going to be a long summer.

 JR:  You think Steve won’t be back until fall?

 TR:  That’s my bet.  September, refreshed and ready to go.  But I really don’t have a clue.  What do you think?

 JR:  Sooner than September, that’s ages, Tani.  Why does he need to be away so long?

 TR:  You’d have to ask him.

 JR:  Tani?

 TR:  Yeah?

 JR:  One more thing… I think we forgot to put Quinn in the text group.

 TR:  Shit.

 May 4, 2020

 LG:  Grace has got skills, Danny.  She’s beating Steve at his own game!

 TR:  Um, what are you talking about, Lou?

 LG:  Steve and Grace went surfing in L.A.  Big waves, too.  Didn’t you see the pics on Facebook?

 DW:  You’re showing your age, Lou.  Facebook is for old people.

 LG:  Grace posted on it, she’s not old.

 DW:  She only puts pics on there when she wants her parents and grandparents to see them.  They’re carefully curated.

 TR:  Why am I not Facebook friends with Grace?  I feel left out.

 JR:  Ditto.

 DW:  You should both feel free to friend her.  I’m sure she’d friend you back.

 TR:  I’ll look for her insta instead.  Probably get better stuff.

 LG:  Do you even know Grace?

 TR:  Rude.

 JR:  Ditto again.

 DW:  That’s the same thing.

 JR:  No, I’m actually saying ditto for the second time.

 LG:  This group text is more ridiculous than Grace’s sanitized Facebook page.  

 TR:  At least if Steve’s surfing we know he made it out of the desert.

 LG:  On a horse with no name.

 DW:  Now you really sound old.

 TR:  Dad joke alert.

 LG:  What’s wrong with dad jokes?  I am a dad, after all.  I’m quite proud of being a dad.  I deserve to make dad jokes.

 TR:  Try making better ones, at least.

 LG:  Danny, you’re a proud dad.  Back me up here.

 DW:  Proud, yes.  As uncool as you, no.  

 TR:  Settle down, you’re both old and uncool, no need to get worked up about it.

 DW:  Fine.  This old guy is staring at some very nice looking steaks, and was planning on lighting the grill soon.  Assuming you’re still willing to eat my food despite my advanced age.

 JR:  Tani and I are getting in the car now, we’ll stop for beer on the way. Jerry said he was coming, too, and bringing fruit salad with no pineapple, just for you.

 DW:  Yet another reason I like Jerry.  And did you guys talk to Quinn and apologize for not including her in the group text?

 TR:  I did, and she actually seemed relieved not to have to deal with us all outside of work.

 DW:  Seriously?

 TR:  No, of course not.  I already added her.  She’s on now.

 QL:  Hi guys.  Danny, thanks for inviting me.  I’m bringing margaritas and guac.

 DW:  See, already glad you’re in the chat.  Sorry Tani forgot you.

 TR:  I did not forget Quinn!  

 LG:  Tani has been suitably repentant, Danny, don’t worry.  And do put my name on two of those steaks - Renee made her special chocolate cake with mocha buttercream.  We’ll be there soon.

 DW:  Does your wife think I’m dying or something?  She only makes that cake when someone’s sick.

 TR has changed the name of the group text to Chocolate Cake For the Detective’s Soul

 TR:  Maybe she thinks it’ll make your ribs heal faster, so you can come back to work and make sure Lou doesn’t do anything stupid.

 DW:  Tani, not for nothing, but it’s not Lou I’m worried about.

 TR:  That building wasn’t that tall.  I landed in the pool, and apprehended the suspect on the way down.

 DW:  I rest my case.

[bothkindsofbeans]

10/29/20

It's been so long since I've had Qdoba. I almost forgot it existed. Sure, I get emails from them, but it's pretty easy to ignore emails and calls and texts these days. Hey, did you hear there's an election happening like, really soon? How's your car's extended warranty? I haven't left my house in several days, which made Qdoba's email offering free delivery this week catch my attention. Perfect. Yes. This is it. It is time.

I think this was my first time ordering for delivery? You would know better than me. I remember almost nothing from the Before Times. It appears the whole wheat tortillas are no longer offered. Sorry if you were someone who gets that, but that's not me. Half and Half beans is still the closest option to Both Kinds of Beans that I have in the app. Once again, I left a comment/special instruction to "bean me up real good". Then the app was like, "Hey Champ, do you want some chips and guac for free?" Of course I do! I can't think of anyone who would turn that down. Not that long after placing the order, I got a text message letting me know that Michael was approaching with my order and asked me to wear a mask if I have to meet him face to face. Sure enough, like 2 minutes later Michael rolled up in a white Mercedes Benz with my burrito. They must have been trying to impress me, and let me tell you something. It worked.

Despite giving me the VIP Benz treatment and the free guac & chips, I don't think they beaned me up as best as they could have. I didn't waste any time diving into it. After my first bite, I was a bit overcome by those sensory memories. This burrito tasted like memories. It was well constructed, that's for sure. Good ratios of everything. It just wasn't the big burrito I needed. Maybe I psyched myself up too much. Once I got the idea in my head to get some Qdoba, I looked back at some old posts. I thought about the days of the Technician, The Abbot, and Ashley, and all of the amazing burritos they made for me. I hope they're all doing ok. Anyway, I can't be too upset. We can't all have the biggest, baddest, beanest things right now. Maybe they knew they couldn't bean me up as hard as I wanted, and that's why they offered the free chips & guac add-on. I know early in this pandemic, people were buying up all the beans (I sure as hell stocked up). Maybe that affected Qdoba's supply chain. I can find plenty of beans these days, though, so I'm not sure that's it. So, everything is pretty shitty right now, particularly here in Wisconsin. It's hard to ignore that. In addition to a deadly virus, we also have fascist militias and rightwing death cults to deal with. I don't know how we're still keeping on, but we are, and we must. I hope everyone is being smart and safe. We're not out of this, despite the White House declaring victory over the pandemic. Despite the tavern league and other nefarious entities fighting tooth and nail against any sort of regulation that could maybe potentially save a few lives, all in the name of "freedom" or whatever, but really they're just holding public health hostage for profit and 'sticking it to the libs' or whatever. God I hate this shit. Until next time, stay alive, don't go to any dumb Halloween parties, stay strong, eat beans, wear a mask, eat the rich, and vote I guess.

Weight: 586 grams (20.65 oz)

[nicoletterogers]

nic grinned gleefully, picking up her freshly paid for taco with her free hand, the other holding a margarita in the other. ok, so she liked beer, sure. but one of the local vendors was telling her how special this margarita was and how it went perfectly with this taco and she was in no mood to deny the man his knowledge. plus she was taking a back seat in this whole thing, doing her best to take in the culture around her and learn the reality of what cinco de mayo was about--since schools hardly talked about it. “ok, so here’s my question--a good guac: does it have chunks of avocado still in it or is it smooth?” she takes a sip of the margartia, wincing slightly. that’s tequila alright. “these are the questions that keep me up at night.”

[segenassefa]

3. A Semi-Original List of Things To Do During Quarantine

Niggas all over the timelines are baking banana bread, doing headstands, and making Tik Toks. Yeah it was fun the first few weeks – but now we’re almost four months deep into quarantine and the gworls need some change! A bit of variety. Some pizazz, if you will.

Well, fear not!

I am here to help (as per usual). Digging into the depths of my chicken breast-like brain has been hard, but I’ve done it to compile a list of things to try now that quarantine is dragging along. Some of these you’ve definitely heard before (but they were so good, it was worth mentioning again), some of these you may have considered but never really saw the value in, and some of these seem like I pulled them out of my ass, but I promise, they’re a fun time and definitely worth the try.

Take up a new workout routine now that gyms will probably cease to exist.

I can’t even speak on this one (my record this quarantine has been four days without leaving my bed), but health comes in different forms. Even back in the early stages, one of my favourite things to do was get a coffee and aimlessly walk around downtown – it got me out of the house, it didn’t feel like exercise, and was an excuse to take advantage of the warm weather. Exercise is both important for physical as well as mental health, as cited by a million and one studies, and can break up the monotonous cycles of online shopping, self-loathing, and eating that everyone seems to be trapped in these days. Your options, however, go beyond yoga and walking. Buy some weights or use one of the jars of canned tomatoes you have sitting your pantry (…) and do a weight routine. Go for a run. Climb some stairs. Bring back step aerobics like the bad bitches from the 80s. Ride a bike (Queen’s Quay is really nice, and pretty empty on the weekdays). The other benefit to establishing a good routine now is that you can carry it out through the winter. Maybe not the bike riding part, but you get my point.

Socialize (safely).

           I never understood the obsession with patios until I went to El Jefe a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking about how fun that actually must be when everyone isn’t terrified of getting a virus from the person eating chips and guac two tables over. But! There are alternatives! I know you don’t believe me but there are! Toronto has more parks and green spaces than you’d think, and now is the perfect time to take advantage of them. Connect with nature, friends, and socializing in an environmentally friendly space (throw those White Claw cans in the trash, please) and you and your friends will literally be the peak of ecofeminism. If you’re tired of wearing your crop tops and lashes to the grocery store, picnics and beach days also give you a reason to look cute in public again (and with a mask, you don’t even have to put foundation on the bottom half of your face. #win). Some of my favourite places include Trinity-Bellwood Park and Woodbine Beach. If you have a car (or a lot of patience) Scarborough Bluffs is also definitely worth the commute. I think it’s a game changer that “going out” now means sitting in the grass making small talk, instead of getting hammered in some dark, damp club, but maybe it’s also improvement.

Clear out the clutter that you always tell yourself you’re too busy for.

           I know you see it, bitch. That box of clothes overflowing in the back of your closets. Or the basket of random hair ties, scraps of paper, and pen caps on your shelf. What about when you open social media – Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, whatever – a see all these random people on your feed that you don’t remember following, much less ever meeting in real life. Quarantine has forced us to retreat to our own spaces, physically, mentally and emotionally, and now more than ever is the best time to reflect and take inventory of what brings you joy and (God forbid we’re in this situation again) what you’d be ok with surrounding yourself with 24/7. It may be hard – times of crisis especially encourage a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance one – but it doesn’t hurt to try and reframe your thinking!

The 3 Restaurant Rule

If you’re anything like me, then you love Uber Eats. Since this virus has stripped the joy of going out to eat from my small and soft hands, we’ve had to find ways to work around this. One of these compromises has been Uber Eats. But that, much like anything else in life, can soon get repetitive (and niggas were clowning me for actually enjoying Swiss Chalet. Fuck y’all.) So, I established some ground rules, one of which being the three-restaurant rule. Do I follow it all the time? No. But knowing that it exists had made trying new foods more like a game. Here’s what you do:

1.     First, pick a type of cuisine (I’m partial to sushi, so we’re going to use that for this example).

2.     Next, really study Uber Eats. Find the best restaurants in your area specializing in that kind of food and pick three restaurants that look the best to you. Another alternative (especially if you’re lucky enough to live downtown where a majority of restaurants are doing take out) would be to curate a list of places on Yelp! I loved doing this when outside was open – it made eating out feel a bit more purposeful, almost like it was for research).

3.     Then, keep a lil list – on your phone, on paper, in your camera roll - wherever. When you’re not in the mood to cook, consult the list, and don’t pick a restaurant twice in a row. Start building up a list of places that you can say you’ve tried. Keep tabs on how you felt about the food to compare it to in-person dining when restaurants re-open, or make it an event with friends. Dress up, get together, crack a bottle of wine (or some beers, or sake, ya know – whatever floats your boat) and make it an event.

The other upside to this is now when people ask me for recommendations, I can give them with confidence instead of bullshitting like I would have before (sorry y’all LOL).

Learn how to do your own personal upkeep.

           It would probably take me ten hands and feet to count the number of videos I’ve seen of nail salons throwing customers out for being black or on the prejudice of race and/or class, or the number of hair salons and stylists who charge extra fees for thickness, length (or lack thereof), or for specific styles and modifications, etc. If you knew me, you know I was devoted to my nail salon. I loved the feeling of getting a full set of acrylics, having all the work done for me, the little burn on my cuticles when they’d slide my hands under the UV light. But in quarantine, a lot of things happened – nail salons closed, I became unemployed, and suddenly, $60 manicures every two weeks were not realistic. YouTube has so many videos on how to do basic self-care - things like cutting or dyeing or braiding your own hair, doing your own nails (whether it be acrylic, gel, even a basic polish manicure), doing your own eyebrows – the possibilities are all there. And, if you get good enough – you can always go ahead and make it your own side hustle (with salons operating at half capacity, the demand for people that do house calls is rapidly increasing). I’ve recently swapped my acrylics for press on nails and let me tell you – game changer. They last just as long, look just as good, and allow me the freedom of talon-like nails without having my bank account scream at me (a post on how I do my faux-acrylics at home coming soon!)

Try to watch something that isn’t reality television.

I know 90 Day Fiancee is that GIRL. And if you’re like me, you tend to get very sucked into YouTuber mukbang drama as well (if anyone wants to discuss Nikocado Avocado with me, I am more than willing). But after a while, it gets kind of repetitive, and there’s no harm in educating yourself on other topics. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, even YouTube all have so many documentaries on a variety of topics – from crime, to health, to cults – there’s literally something for everyone. Plus, there’s something really self-satisfying about learning something on your own. If you need a place to start, my personal favourite is Bikram (Netflix) and any of the Vice documentaries on YouTube, but there are so many, so browse around and find one that suits your personal taste.

           There are also many documentaries on environmentalism and the Black existence/experience/life in America and globally. Considering all the things that are going on right now, it would be wise to educate oneself, especially when the tools for doing so are a few clicks away. My personal favourites are 13 and Who Shot the Sherriff, but there’s so many that you don’t have an excuse not to at least learn SOMETHING.

Severe ties and blame it on the pandemic.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Maybe there’s the persistent wanna-be friend who you tried to avoid in your Thursday 11-1 lecture and would incessantly text you for notes. Or the creepy guy who would always be in your study spot in Deerfield and message you after with the dumbass eye emojis. Maybe it’s that one friend you used to call to console you of your issues, but by the end of the chat you felt more unnerved than understood. Whomever it is, don’t be afraid to stray away a bit and use the excuse of social distance or “getting your head together” to gradually give yourself some space and make things a bit obvious without having to be a total asshole. It can help, tbh, and the last thing you need in a time like this is to feel guilty for someone else’s feelings.

Be ok with doing nothing.

Life is always on some go,go,go shit. With people posting all those fucking memes about hustling or whatever, it can be easy to feel like you’re sitting in quarantine wasting your life away because you haven’t joined Forex, or OnlyFans, or started three side businesses, or taught yourself a new language or whatever. But listen – look at quarantine like a break. You had a nice long break to re-cooperate and self-indulge a lil bit and you know what? That’s ok! You’re not less of a person because you chose to rest or hang out in bed more than you should have. Don’t let other people’s progress (or lack thereof) be a measure of your own. How can you expect to bounce back after a GLOBAL PANDEMIC if you spent the entire time beating yourself up for not living up to other people’s idea of success? …Exactly. This list is just for fun and personal growth, but realistically, quarantine is for doing whatever the fuck you want (safely and sanely, of course), but literally look at this time off as God, Allah, Buddha, whomever, pumping the brakes on what is a normally hectic life. Slow down, enjoy the small things (ALL the small things), and allow yourself to be what you are – a human being, not a fucking machine.

[foodbytesback]

I Ranked This Year's Lays Flavors

Ah, another year, another line of limited-time only Lay’s flavors (Layvors, if you will) that leave everyone saying “yeah, ok.” 

Sometimes these flavors are so “yeah, ok” that they’re immediately forgotten as soon as they’re off the shelves.  Since 2019 was about 10 years ago, I had to do a quick search to remember if I even had any of last year’s flavors. And it turns out that between “Electric Lime and Sea Salt,” “Kettle Cooked Classic Beer Cheese,” and “Flamin’ Hot Dill Pickle Remix” (Hey, Lay’s? What the fuck??), the only one I had ever even seen in stores was the beer cheese one, and I didn’t get it for reasons I will explain later.  

But that was then, and this is now, so there’s four new flavors to take a look at, all inspired by regional favorites (like they do every other year), and I’m gonna rank them because this is a food blog, of course I’m doing that.  Spoiler alert, there isn’t anything as cursed as “Flamin’ Hot Dill Pickle Remix” this time around.

(Also, yeah, they “officially” released in July, but I haven’t seen them anywhere until now.)

#1: Carnitas Street Taco

Right off the bat, there’s heavy notes of cilantro and lime, with hints of onion.  And if you’re trying to differentiate “street taco” from “taco,” those are pretty important flavors to go after.  However, not even the alleged inclusion of pork fat, according to the ingredient label, brought anything that would make it specifically “carnitas” flavored.  My parents also said that they tasted some heat from the jalapeno that’s also in there, but I guess my tolerance for heat has been ruined by eating whole bags of Fuego Takis in one sitting.  The fact that it’s a wavy chip makes me want to dip it in guac, because wavy chips need a dip.  While this is my #1, I can understand how it may be dead last for some people who don’t like cilantro.  Just kidding, those people are wrong.

#2: Nashville Hot Chicken

Unlike the last one, this one isn’t subtle with the spice.  Which is good, because hot chicken is basically just cayenne flavored. The spice blend itself seems to also have a good amount of chili powder in it, giving it some earthier notes.  Surprisingly, this one does have a noticeable pork fat flavor to it (traditional hot chicken is made with lard in the sauce).  Also surprisingly, the spice doesn’t seem to build up as much over time, making it much easier to eat a whole bag in one sitting than, say, Fuego Takis. Not that anyone would do that.

#3: Kettle Cooked New York Style Pizza

I was more-or-less expecting these to taste like pizza Pringles, which is sorta a weird thing for me to say since I pretty much only eat that flavor if someone else buys it, so I don't have the best memory of what that flavor is.  That is, until I tasted this chip, and instantly knew, “yes, this is that, but better.”  While other pizza chips kinda just taste vaguely zesty, these chips had a distinct tomato flavor that I would almost go as far as calling “fresh.” While these are very good chips in their own right, they just get kinda overshadowed by the more unique flavors mentioned above.  Also, I feel like the kettle chip might have been better suited for the hot chicken chip to simulate the fried exterior of the chicken, but that’s just me.

#4: Philly Cheesesteak

I just don’t like cheese flavored chips.  They all taste like the same processed, powdered cheddar cheese product, and this one is no exception.  This, paired with my general disinterest in beer, is why I never tried last year’s beer cheese chips.  Anyway, this one does also have notes of what I will call “if you bit into a beef ramen flavor packet, but also there’s no salt in it,” (how a cheese-based chip flavor ended up tasting undersalted, I will never know) so it still gets points for doing a better job of incorporating the beef flavor into the chip than 2016’s Brazilian Picanha chips.

There is a rumored fifth flavor, chile relleno, available only at Wal-Mart and 7-11, but there isn’t a 7-11 anywhere near me, and the Wal-Mart that is near me is a deathtrap.  It looks like it probably would’ve tasted like cheddar powder and vague spiciness, anyway.

I am so fucking dehydrated now.

[artisticestheticreads]

Summertime Magic (III)

A/N: Okay, so I was in the middle of writing part two when I had the idea for this one. Yes, I write weird as hell but hey. In this chapter, we will see N’Jadaka and Y/N’s friendship actually grow a lot more.

WARNING: Contains alcohol use, drug use and so much more (GUARDS YA LOINS).

*Gif down below was made by me. So please don’t take credit. Thanks, loves*

SONG RECOMMENDATION: FORTUNATE by Maxwell

  It was the day of the party when Y/N was in her closet looking at what to wear. She had plenty of clothes but none felt “90′s” enough so she FaceTimed her best friend; her momma. “Hey, momma’s baby. How ya doing”, she asked with a huge smile on her face. Y/N loved her momma so much, she was her heart and soul. Since Y/N was the oldest, they were always very, very close. “I’m good, ma. I need your expertise really quick. Was ya busy?”

“Honey, I am never busy when it comes to you. Whatcha need”, her mom leaned up to the screen to get a better look at her beautiful daughter. “Ok, so I’m going to a party tonight. 90′s theme to be exact. We both know that all the girl are gonna have extensions down to they booty with bamboos and all but I wanna be different. What do you suggest?” Her momma chuckled as she thought of the fashion back then, bringing up old memories. “Well, baby. When I was growing up, I was very fond of the big ol hoop earrings that you can get at the beauty supply, clear gloss with a nude lip liner, mascara and beauty mark right on the right side of my mouth with a dark eyeliner. Now, with clothes, ya momma always stayed fly. I used to steal ya dads varsity jacket when he played football at Locke High with some either tight but baggy mom jeans, a bralette, and boots or a baggy jersey with some black bike shorts with scrunched up socks and sneaks.”

  Y/N smiled at her mother as she continued with her advice. Soon, she was getting ready to go in her flared red bottoms and white tank with her toes in Nike slides. She arrived at the Thrift store as soon as it opened and went over to the men’s section; they just seemed to fit better and was way more stylish. She found an old oversized red school baseball with the number 93 on it. She smiled as she made her way to the bralette section. N'Jadaka is gonna love this, she thought as her hand reached for a black bralette (which had plenty of lace) big enough for her breast. She spent only twelve dollars on everything and made her way back home to shower and get ready. 

  Once she was done, she matched her fit with some high waist shorts, knee-high sock, and her bright red combat boots. Her hair was in a high pony with beads on a few locs and a red bandana wrapped around by her slayed edges. She was dancing to “Don’t Walk Away” by Jade on the Apple Music’ 90′s playlist when she got a call. “Hey, N’Jadaka”, she said with a smile and he responded. “Wassup, little one. I’m on my way now so be ready.” She rolled her eyes and as if he can see here, he said “you better stop rolling those pretty eyes of yours before they get stuck. Now, I’m around the corner. Open the door.”

“Say please”.

“Please open the door”, he said with a chuckle. She went over to the window to watch him park and waited for him to knock. Once he did, she opened the door and Y/N couldn’t help but smile. Erik was in a black buttondown Dickie shirt with a bright white crew neck shirt underneath, dark blue jeans, black Adidas Superstars with the white lines and a chunky, gold chin with diamonds throughout it and a black cap on his belt loop that had Oakland in white cursive. “Well, well. You look good,” Y/N said as he gave her a side hug. “Thank you, thank you. I’m my favorite rap group.” She folded her arms and said “NWA. Well, hopefully, you ain’t Dre because I ain’t tryna get my ass beat by some nigga.” N’Jadaka stepped back chuckling. “Dammmnnnn, you just beating my nigga, Dre though, huh?”

“Not like he beat that singer but eh.” She locked her door before they got to his car; he opened the door for her and they were on their way. She watched him drive as Snoop Dogg playing in the background. He leaned with his left hand on the wheel and the right on the armrest. His lips licked, so soft and kissable. He was handsome when they met at the store but with a nice trimmed beard and locks all done, he looked like a freaking dream. “So, Y/N, what ya got a taste for? The party is in Inglewood by Century. I’ll pay.”

“Honestly, I'm not hungry. We can just get frozen yogurt at Yougurtland”, she lied looking at the door. She didn’t eat at all that day because 1) she was nervous as hell about being at a party with the most attractive man and 2) she liked how flat her tummy was when she didn’t eat. Her stomach was still fluffy but it looked slimmer. N’Jadaka said “little one, we getting real food. Especially if there is gonna be alcohol there. Frozen yogurt or whatever isn’t going to do anything for no damn body.” Y/N looked over at him to see he was looking back at her. “I’m serious. Pick something.”

“How about Mexican food? I know there is a Chile Verde around there.” He smiled and said “that's more like it. I can go for a big ass burrito anyways. Carne Asada with everything and a large drink. When I go there, I asked for the onions grilled, meat well done and the cheese gotta be on point.” As he was talking, a sound got his attention. He looked to Y/N who had her stomach over her stomach. As she felt embarrassed, she looked straight and heard a small chuckle when she heard it again but not from her end. “I guess I made us even more hungry, huh?” She laughed at them as he did the same. “You did.”

   Soon, they arrived in the parking lot and he opened the door for her to the restaurant. “Hello, welcome. How can I help you, sir” the young lady behind the register asked with a smile. “Yeah, can we get two Carne Asada burritos with everything? Then, I wanna add chips and guac and salsa and two large iced teas.” As he was talking looking at the menu, Y/N looked up too but when she looked at the cashier, the woman looked up and down at her with a brow raised. When Y/N cleared her throat and looked away, N’Jadaka looked at her and asked “are you okay”; she nodded and walked into a nearby booth. He paid the food and made his way, seating across from her. He noticed Y/N buttoning her top. 

    “Y/N, wassup? Why you fixing ya clothes?” He got no answer until he felt someone looking at their table. In his peripheral vision, he saw a dirty look from the woman who helped them. His eyes stayed on Y/N as he went to sit on her side. She looked at him as he wrapped his long toned arm around her neck slowly. “Y/N, don’t tell me you fixing ya shit because of the broad.” She tried to look down but he placed his finger on her chin. He held her cheek while he leaned into her ear to whisper. “I want you to look at her the whole time”. Y/N’s eyes lied on the cashier who was watching. “Don’t let that bitch make you feel bad about yourself, aight? She just mad she don’t look like you and can never look like you if she tried. She looks like she doesn’t even take care of herself. Her hair oily as fuck, skin ashy, and her lips looking like before Kylie.” She giggled in his ear while still watching the woman.

   “Now, when you are with me, I don’t wanna see any shit like this again, okay,” he said finally looking back to her face. She grinned with a nod and he said: “aight, lemme get our food”. He kissed her forehead and got up. When he looked back, she smiled but noticed a heavier older woman coming out. She saw N’Jadaka pointing back at her and the older woman looking at her cashier with folded arms. The cashier held her hands in front of her and tried to look sympathetic. The older woman pointed at the employee then to the back once N’Jadaka made his way over. “Hey, little one. Here we go” he said as he passed her food. He started eating but she just watched him, sipping her drink. “What happened up there”, she asked.

 He wiped his mouth and finished chewing, looking into her face. “Well, let’s just say when someone is fucking with my girl, I gotta check they ass”, he went back to eating and sipping his drink after he saw her smile and finally starting to eat. Once they were done, they stood to put their trash away when he noticed the cashier and the manager approaching them. “Excuse me, young lady. I am Gloria Gonzalez, the manager here and I would like to apologize for my employee’s behavior. It was very uncalled for.” N’Jadaka looked at her and Y/N said: “thank you, ma’am.” Gloria looked to her cashier with folded arms and said: “Selena, go on.” The employee said “I am very sorry for my behavior. I should be ashamed of myself.” The apology was very forced it was pathetic. 

  Gloria handed the money that N’Jadaka paid with and said “again, we apologize and your meal is on us.” N’Jadaka nodded, placing the money in his pocket and wrapped his arm around Y/N’s neck as they walked out. Once they got in the car, he started it saying “I told you. I keep muthafuckas in check.” She smiled and he did the same.

[This is How We Do It by Montell Jordans plays loudly in background]

   They finally arrived at the dark shaded house. There was plenty of people walking down to it in flashy 90′s clothing, cars parked everywhere and the silhouettes in the window indicated the party was jumping. N’Jadaka parked, let her out and wrapped his arm around her neck as they made their way. He pulled out his phone as they got to the door and as soon as he placed it back in his pocket, a man with the same fit as his came to the door. “Aye, my nigga here” Jerald gave him dap as his other hand was occupied with a red solo cup. “Wassup, J. This is Y/N.Y/N, this is my nigga, Jerald.” Jerald smiled at her and said “welcome, welcome to my casa, fellow negroes.” She laughed and said, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“Come in, y’all. My girl in the kitchen of course”, he said leading the way. The crowd was so thick but that was no match for N’Jadaka. When they got to the kitchen, there was a small crowd around a ton of food and drinks. There was a woman with a jet black pixie hair, a rainbow-striped crop top, mom jeans and matching converse serving drinks. Her skin was a caramel tone and her eyes were a jaded green. “Sheila Baby”, N’Jadaka said and she looked up with a huge smile. “N’Jadaka”, she yelled with excitement. The group went over and he hugged her with one arm still attached to Y/N. “Sheila, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my baby sister Sheila. We went to school and the navy together”. Sheila pointed to her with a smile “you did, J’s hair?” Y/N nodded and Sheila put her hand up for a high five; Y/N gave her one. “Girl, you done blessed this nigga’s hair. He was walking around like a premature wet mop.” Jerald choked on his drink and coughed with a laugh. 

  N’Jadaka looked at her with a death stare and said: “don’t be mad at me because you look like a Nia Long reject.” She chuckled and said “alright Nappy with Attitude, don’t get roasted on in here. I’ll embarrass you in front of baby girl here.” N’Jadaka placed both hands in front of him and said “bet.” Jerald passed Y/N a cold cup of Jack and Coke as they watched. Sheila sipped her drink and started. “My nigga, don’t let me talk about how you looked before you removed your scars. This nigga looked like a vibrator after someone ate some Taco Bell.”  Jerald started dying laughing then Y/N sipped her drink with a smile because of Jerald’s contagious laugh. “Aight aight, don’t lemme get on that neck. Why the fuck did you rip ya pubs off to glue it on the nape of your neck?” This time Jerald and Y/N laughed. Sheila smiled with a nod and said “aight, but why you look like a fake ass Michael B. Jordan? He looks like Melrose Ave while you look like Slauson Swap Meet.” 

“Yooooo, I look way better that nigga. But you just mad because you look like Halle M. Berry. But the M don’t stand for Maria. Ya name would be Halle Moldy Ass Berry.” Jerry threw his white bandana as they all laughed and Sheila was the main one. “You win, big dawg. You win”, she said wiping her tears away. He took a bow and heard “Too Close” by Next playing. He looked at Y/N who was bopping her and drinking. He held his hand out getting her attention. “C’mon, you know you wanna”, he gave her cup to Sheila and they made their way to the floor. He danced backward as she tried to pull out from his grip. “C’mon, I don’t like dancing.” He spun her in a circle with both hands in the air. He stepped side to side and said “don’t lie to me, woman. Ya better shake those hips. I know you can.”

  She rolled her eyes and before she moved to the beat, followed by her feet. He watched her with a smile on his face and pulled her by her jersey to him. She giggled as she play swatted him away. The night was full of good, music and people. In the middle of the party, Y/N was in the kitchen talking to Sheila about setting an appointment when all the other ladies tried to squeeze in while she sipped more drinks. N’Jadaka was outside at the patio table occasionally looking in as his friends played spades. “BOOM, give. Me. Ma. Monaaaaaayyyyyyyy”, said Marcus. Jerald rolled up another blunt and whistled to N’Jadaka to get his attention. “Bruh, she good in there. Came hit this.”

“Pause”, said Trevon who looked at his new hand of cards and the fellas laughed. N’Jadaka took the blunt and lit it, taking a long hit. “Enjoy it, bruh. It’s yours.” N’Jadaka let the smoke out through his nose looking back at Y/N. “JD, stop sweating the girl. She having fun in there with all them females. Ya acting like y’all fucking.” N’Jadaka eyes went to Trevon and he said “Trey, I barely know the girl so why would we fuck. She cool and all-”

“Then, why you watching her like you her damn daddy”, Marcus asked sipping from his drink. “Because she around a bunch of niggas she don’t know. Tryna make sure she safe”, N’Jadaka said before taking another hit. Jerald looked at his best friend then to the others. “JD is right. He brought her here and we all know how he gets. Let the nigga be”, he said. N’Jadaka nodded and looked back at to see she was by the door. “Hey, N’Jadaka. When you coming back in? I kinda feel like dancing again.”

“Thought you don't dance didn’t like dancin’“, he said and she stated with a smile, “I don’t” before going back in. N’Jadaka stood and made his way back in and took Y/N’s hand into his. As the music faded into another, he held her arm around his neck. N’Jadaka placed his right arm around her waist as she placed her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer to him as the sound of Maxwell’s Fortunate played. He looked in her eyes as she smiled up at him. They rocked side to side slowly, in silent. He sipped from his red solo cup and handed it to her so she can have a taste. She finally was getting used to being out and around him. 

   Her left hand reached his to back while his hand went to her behind softly. She looked up at him but his eyes were closed as he let the song take him away. She noticed his lips moving to the words of the song. They were so soft looking. Her eyes traveled down his chest, abs and to his feet. Damn, he is beautiful, she thought to herself. She felt his hand cuffing her behind lightly resulting her eyes to get low. The way his hand held her close to his pelvis made her feel all warm inside. She looked up to him but by the time she did, his eyes were already watching hers. His brow was raised up and a smirk on his face. 

  “Y/N, you aight”, he questioned. She nodded with a smile and uttered “I’m good. Just, uh, a little tired.” He nodded and went over to the kitchen with her hand in his, getting Sheila’s attention. “Sheila Baby, we gonna head outta here. Thanks for having us.” She smiled and said “bwoy, you know y’all are always welcomed. Here y’all go. I packed a ton of food for y’all to go with some of my sweet potato pie.” He hugged her and took the bag. “That food is for both of y’all, J. Don’t be a Fatty Mc Fatty and eat up all the food.”

“Oh hush. Love you girl”, he kissed her cheek and Y/N gave her a hug before they walked out. He drove as she watched the streetlights pass by. They lit against the dark sky and so did the tall buildings. “Thanks for coming with me. I hope you had fun”, he mentioned with his left hand on the steering wheel. “Don’t mention it. I did have fun.” 

“So, In ‘N’Out still opened? Want a burger” he asked and she just nodded. “Y/N, you a grown woman who needs to use her big girl words. I need words.” She rolled her eyes and articulated “yes, I would love to partake in a cheeseburger meal, dear sir.” He side-eyed her with a smirk and said “jackass” making her laugh. They made their way to the restaurant, order two well-done double-double meals with chocolate milkshakes and ate in the parking lot. They talked for what it seemed for hours and before you know it, she had fallen asleep. 

   She felt the car stop and a tap on her thigh. When she opened her eyes, she looked around then to N’Jadaka’s smile. “Hey, you’re home. Lemme walk you to your door”, he said before hopping out. Y/N watched as he came over to open her door. He got to the door, opening it and taking her hand as she held their leftovers. “I’m glad you had fun tonight, little one. You made it not so borin’”, he said and she grinned. “Daka, that party wasn’t boring at all”, she added but didn’t get a response. “Y/N, what did you just call me”, he asked with a curious brow. “Oh, my bad. I called you, Daka. I did-”

   “Nah, I’m feelin’ in. Say it again for me”, he stepped closer to her making Y/N look up to his eyes with her big brown ones. “Daka, I called you Daka”, she responded in a timid tone. He held her chin up and said “got a nice ring to it. Doesn’t it?” She blushed at his touch and said: “yeah, it does.” She can feel his thumb on her chin, softly rubbing back to forth. “You need a nickname, too. Hm, let’s see. How about...”, he paused and looked down at her waiting eyes. “With f a face and eyes like this, I would call you baby girl. What you think?” She smiled and said “I like it. It’s sweet.” They stood for what it was like hours, his hand still her chin. He gently pulled her face forward as she to herself. Oh my God. Is he about to kiss me? She bit her lip, closed her eyes but what happened next surprised her; he only kissed her forehead. 

   She opened her eyes as saw that he was looking right at her. “You good”, he asked and replied, “yeah, just tired.” N’Jadaka looked around then back at her. “Ok, well Ima let go ahead and sleep but I’m gonna text you when I get home”, he said wrapping his arms around her for a close hug. When they separated and he started walking to his car, she looked down at the bag. “Daka, what? You forget ya left food.” He turned to her and said “keep it in the fridge for me. We can eat that for dinner tomorrow.”

“What if I was busy, Daka”, she said with her arms to the side. He reached the driver side of his car with his brow raised and said: “you not.” She placed her tongue inside her right cheek with a smile. “Mhm, I thought not. I’ll be here at 6:30, I’ll bring some drinks and shit. I’ll see ya tomorrow, baby girl.” He gave her a wink that made Y/N’s heart smiled and stomach flutter. He got into his car and watched her go in but she watched him pull out his phone; her phone rung and she answered. “Yes?”

“Stop watching me and take ya ass to bed.”

  She laughed and hung up, ready for what tomorrow had planned.

~

TBH, this was all over the place but the next chapter is on the way

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