#the grief over Silco is too real

[aestheticsicrushon]

Never thought I'd catch you blubbering. Wonder if Silco even saw that.

[pzychojinx]

so, jinx in act one of season two. see, for three years i expected a full on descent into chaos and madness beyond any repair. i'd made peace with that, too. so i'm surprised - pleasantly, joyfully surprised.

very long analysis ahead on where they're taking her and how it speaks to me.

we first meet her again during silco's eulogy sequence - a beautiful sequence, halfway between dreamlike and real. "just like when vander shoved off", she says about his death. except it's not. after vander's death, after vi's perceived abandonment, everything jinx could feel was self-centered. she would say "she's not my sister anymore". she would devalue these people entirely. in fact, every single reaction to any action done by her loved ones would be self-centered and extreme. that is very much how her mental process works, how her trauma caused her to work. and more so: when silco would ask of her any work, any mission, she'd do the job purely for his sake, his affection, his approval, never caring about the cause.

in short, she was never able to get out of her own head for as much as a single minute. now, she starts the funeral off with "chembarons warring for control of the lanes. wannabe street thugs squabbling over scraps. just like when vander shoved off." and it's not about her abandonment anymore. it's not about being left alone. it's not about her. she's talking to silco about his city, his legacy, his world, his chembarons, his lanes. she's out of her own head, and it's the first time we ever see it.

"because someone put all those holes in you", she says then. and this is so interesting because there's obviously a dissociation here, as well as a very intense grief and sadness. we are obviously still dealing with someone who's deeply traumatized and unstable, but let's compare this with powder after the deaths of vander, mylo and claggor. powder had a full breakdown, both turned into a complete de-evaluation of vi as i was mentioning earlier and full desperation. "i only wanted to help, i only wanted to help, i only wanted to help".

this chaotic desperation is something jinx kept within herself throughout the entirety of s1 up until - the tea party. which i'm getting at, in a minute. point being, for now, that the jinx we see during silco's eulogy is grieving and lost and rootless and asking herself "what am i supposed to do with that?", but she lacks the chaotic full-on desperation that would lead her to acts of explosive destruction and/or self-destruction in s1. in fact, she's incredibly quieter. she's more grounded, more present in her movements, in the way she fights, in the way she talks.

in retrospect even her final action in s1, the infamous missile, already had the energy we're seeing now. it wasn't instinctive, driven by hallucinations or trauma or rage or an unrestrained trigger; it was silco's legacy and it was calculated. silco's death, i think now, left jinx as rootless as she's ever been, but it also left her with an acceptance of who she is. "don't cry, you're perfect". the tea party ends with her 'choosing' jinx and if you'd asked me before season two, i would have said with full certainty it meant she'd be going to be a loose cannon. entirely and with no possibility of ever being anything else. that's not what i think now.

i think she came to terms with who she is. i think now that the seat at the tea party wasn't a symbol of complete derailing, it was in a way a symbol of acceptance. "here's to the new us". she's fought her fight between powder and jinx and the tea party has permitted her to gain, in some way, a sense of closure. very importantly, having lost what she perceived as vi's acceptance, and having lost a father, she has also been able to shed the constant and desperate need to be in their favor.

during the 'sucker' sequence, we see her going through the lanes with a hood on her hair, very low-key. loose cannon jinx would have never, ever done that. loose cannon jinx would, quite simply, not have cared. she would have been extra, and explosive, and in everyone's faces. she's preserving herself not to be found, and that's new. again, i think she's still lost and rootless and grieving and really asking herself what she's supposed to do now that she's entirely autonomous and i also think there's definitely still a lot of bitterness and rage when it comes to vi which we obviously get to see during their fight and in no way is she magically ~healthy or anything like that - however.

she is still walking those streets in a way that indicates self-preservation. it would have been very, very easy for jinx to be captured by any of those goons and/or got herself killed. and for some reason, whether that be an apathetic, mourning state or mind, or whether that be some gained peace in who she is, or both - she didn't.

given all this, the new element that season two act one has introduced for her that truly moved me and made me feel... healed in a sort of way, is the introduction of human bonds for jinx that defy her historical, co-dependent mechanism of idolization and de-evaluation. ergo, sevika and isha. this is incredible for her and most of all, it's realistic. it's a chance at something, but it doesn't feel forced, nor fairytale-esque, nor does it resemble your usual ~redemption arc.

sevika and isha function as people who she's building some bond with, and since she's a little bit less in her own fucking head, and since she's not clinging to them as idealized protectors / saviours and neither is she refusing them as betrayers, and since she's not constantly fighting between what she perceives as her double identity anymore, she finally has the possibility to experience healthier bonds. sevika functions as somebody who still ties her to silco, possibly the closest thing she has right now to any root she might have left, and it works: reminiscing silco with her, gifting her the arm, doesn't leave her utterly alone but neither does it let her fall into the trap of clinging onto yet another figure from whom to fully depend.

and isha, very obviously, functions as the possibility of healing her inner child which is a goldmine for her storyline. her bond with isha could clearly have a narrative tie to jinx & silco, to jinx & vi, and most importantly to jinx and powder herself - this is all quite obvious but again, it's not executed in a way that feels like a forced 'redemption arc' or whatnot. the idea of this little street kid who just imprints on her like a lost little duckling, which is in no way jinx's decision, simply feels natural and heartwarming. does this mean i presume such healing of her inner child is going to come easy to her? no. but it's something. it's something very different from anything she's ever experienced before.

even through the loss, the rootlessness, the grief and confusion, the panic attack we see her experiencing through the lanes as a consequence of the moment she sees vi and caitlyn's enforcer squad, even through the brutality of the fight with vi, - and this is all to say, she's still a very traumatized individual, which is important because it would have just been senseless to have jinx somehow get fully stable like a switch had been flipped - we're seeing something new for jinx here. i've seen many posts related to "i'm glad it's you", and i might be unpopular here but while i do think jinx still has an element of suicidality, i also think she was at least half bluffing there. comparing her micro-expressions with the ones back on the bridge fight with ekko, i'm under the impression she was testing vi, at the very least partially. "poisoning us with gas?" is also an interesting line because even in her attack at her sister, she's less focused on her own trauma and more on something that we've hardly seen from her before - belonging to the lanes.

all of this to say, i'm loving the path they're taking for her. it's still very much jinx. it feels like jinx. but she's not just about to wreak senseless and desperate havoc in order to be seen by either her sister or her father, because there's no one to be seen by anymore. she's not fighting a desperate battle between her identities either, because she's accepted her place. she's not loud and erratic, she's quieter and coming to terms with herself. closure is truly the word that comes to mind, for me, in how i see her arc right now. closure, and unexpectedly, possibility.

[thenationofzaun]

Flashbacks in Arcane

Remember the flashback cold opens in many episodes of Arcane Season 1? Each flashback was focused on a specific main character, and it provided further context for the character's arc or their storyline in that particular episode. Examples: Episode 1 - Vi and Jinx on the Day of Ash, Episode 2 - Jayce and the mage, Episode 3 - Silco drowning, Episode 5 - Caitlyn and Grayson, Episode 6 - Viktor and the toy boat, Episode 8 - Mel and Ambessa. The only ones that didn't have them are Episodes 4, 7, and 9. What's interesting is there was originally supposed to be a flashback of young Ekko attempting to rescue Powder from Silco, only to discover she goes by Jinx now and doesn't want to leave him. This flashback was cut and instead, we got the Misfit Toys music video in episode 7. Little did we know this was foreshadowing for Season 2 doing away with flashbacks completely and going full throttle on flashy musical montages at the expense of storytelling. So here are some flashbacks I would liked to see in Season 2:

- That same Jinx and Ekko flashback. Since they removed it from Season 1, they really should have included it in Season 2. Rather than an AU episode of Ekko romancing a different version Powder, he should have had more organic development with the Jinx we actually know. Grappling with the past of her rejecting him for Silco, then the present of her warring with Piltover and gaining followers, and debating whether he should ally with her against topside. Whether he can bring himself to after everything she's done. Give the Firelights a voice too. Have them all have differing opinions, with some of them taking Sevika's stance (topside is the real enemy) and others being more reluctant (Jinx has killed too many of us, we can't ever forgive her). Of course, this would require Ekko to be involved with the sisters' and Piltover vs Zaun storylines rather than fucking off to deal with the Hexcore and multiverse mumbo jumbo.

- Caitlyn and her mother. Considering how much grief over Cassandra plays a role in Caitlyn's arc this season, there should have been scenes of them actually bonding. All their screentime in Season 1 showed a strained relationship with not a single happy moment between them. Then in Season 2, she only tells Jayce about how they used to go to their secret garden together and it's one of the few places they never fought. Would have been nice to actually see that.

- Vi's time in prison. For a character that was going to join the enforcers and throw other Zaunites in jail, her own past of being imprisoned by an enforcer should have been relevant. I would have liked to see a young Vi fresh after the events of S1E3, thrown into a cell and desperately fighting to get out. Show us a time lapse, how after multiple escape attempts and the subsequent beatings and torture, her resolve broke. Show how present Vi is actually affected by prison trauma. Show us how she reconciles her past with becoming an enforcer in the present. This show acts like Vi went on vacation to the Bahamas during the S1 timeskip. That's how irrelevant her time in prison is treated.

- Jinx being raised by Silco. Jinx spends this season mourning Silco and debating whether to continue his mission of fighting Piltover for Zaun's independence. Would have been nice to see her reminisce on her past with him - him lecturing her about the Nation of Zaun, encouraging her to keep developing her talents, telling her to believe in her own strength, reassuring her that she isn't worthless. Was thinking it'd be cute for it to take place in his underwater lair with him showing her the shark-like monsters and telling her how beautiful he finds them, then cut to her holding Fishbones in the present.

- Jayce and Viktor's bond. This was the season of Jayvik divorce and remarriage. Also the season of Hextech Getting Out Of Hand. Would have been cute to see their past working together on the early days of Hextech. And how for a long time they were the only ones who understood each other and each other's only real friend. "Remember the Innovator's Competition?" :')

Of course for all this to work, a lot of shit would have to be cut from this season and the plot would have to be focused on Piltover vs Zaun.

[brain-depositary]

Okay, here are Arcane spoilers for Act 2. I have thoughts on Viktor, as there's been a lot of back and forth over whether what we're seeing is really him or if he is being controlled by the hexcore/arcane. And people are missing the narrative explanations, which seem to make what happened really obvious. And the biggest sign of this is that Viktor has been hallucinating Sky the whole time. The man has clearly lost his marbles.

The show is very clear that Sky is not there physically, but she's also absolutely not there mentally, spiritually, magically, whathaveyou. Her ghost isn't in the hexcore or whatever. There's simply no way.

It's not that we know for sure there are no ghosts in the world of Arcane. It hasn't been proven one way or the other that they exist. All sorts of fantastical things exist in Arcane and maybe ghosts do, too. But we know Sky isn't one because it makes no narrative sense for her to be.

Thematically, all of Arcane has been about people handling grief and loss not just poorly, but destructively. Powder hallucinates the people she's lost as critical voices and behaves erratically and dangerously whenever they do. Both Vander and Silco twist Vi and Powder's mother's dreams of peace into more violence and oppression. Jayce can't deal with the loss of Viktor and uses the hexcore to save him which Viktor specifically told him to destroy. Caitlyn becomes a dictator after her mother's death and uses the ventilation system her mother created against the very people it was intended to help. Ambessa has gone on a rampage for her dead son who preferred bloodless subterfuge, and I have a feeling Singed's daughter would approve of all the things her father is trying to do to bring her back, had she ever had the chance to know.

But Viktor, after losing Sky and her dreams, just kind of gets her back, and fulfills them? Yeah, no, I'm calling bullshit. Viktor is not going to be the only one exempt from the Arcane pain train. This would be bad writing.

Sky isn't a ghost here. She's gone. The version of her in the hexcore is purely a product of Viktor's imagination. We don't see Sky a lot, but what little we do, she's different, much more confident. It's not her. Viktor is handling his loss badly, too, but his method of doing so is just wholesale denying that it happened. Sky isn't dead, she's right there. Her dreams aren't gone, they're perfectly within reach. It doesn't matter if he dies now because he's succeeded in his goals of helping people. The sick are healed, the hungry are fed. The commune is thriving. Everything is great.

With whatever power he gained from the hexcore, he's able to project this denial onto the real world, at least for a little while. Everything in his little bubble DOES seem great, but the cracks in the facade come early. When Salo talks to Jayce in the overflow chamber, Jayce's breath condenses, while Salo's does not, implying that he's not breathing. Also, Salo's turnover at the commune is disturbingly quick -- his original personality just does not seem to be there anymore, despite his insistence otherwise. The "no weapons" rule, while idealistic, cannot realistically be enforced -- as much as Viktor denied, reality was going to come crashing in and he was going to be unprepared for it, because he just decided he didn't have to be. Huck didn't even seem afraid at all denying a heavily armed warlord and her contingent entry without disarming first when literally his only character trait has been being cowardly. There's nothing in him anymore.

So, is Viktor being mind controlled, or is this the same Viktor we've known the whole time? Well, it's not really either. This is Viktor snapping and having a mental breakdown. This is Viktor's equivalent of Jinx's tea party at the end of season 1, except he has far more power to make it last longer, seem nicer, and drag far more people into it. Probably, the hexcore is taking advantage of Viktor's vision to build its hivemind, but the vision itself is all Viktor.

So, given all this, my prediction is: Viktor will be salvaged and revived by Singed. He will get a reality check, that Sky is really gone, that the people he healed are hollowed-out husks, that the peace he created was too fragile to last -- and he won't care, he will try to get it back by any means necessary, even if he doesn't have the arcane abilities or ability to completely deny reality that he used to have. And this will create a bitter person, similar to the character we know as the Machine Herald from League of Legends.

[kiyrian]

I just realized: Jinx in S1 talks about how her & Vi situation is so much different than Silco & Vander. Now though we know they are very very similar and it's just that Silco never told her what really happened.

And we do see that he omits parts of the story - he shares new insight with her during the baptism scene after she mentions that they already went over it several times. Maybe he does it because some things aren't for children to learn, maybe because he struggles with sharing his real weak points.

Still, in the case of Jinx and Vi's parents I wonder if it's guilt - the same guilt Jinx feels over the death of her brothers. Or maybe fear - fear that Jinx would leave him if she found out her parents died after (and here I'm guessing based on Vander's flashbacks) Silco threw a Molotov cocktail at the guards. Hard to tell if he was the first to attack or it was a retaliation but the ending is the same: the parents died and Vander blamed Silco. Just like Vi blamed Jinx. Until Vander didn't but Silco never got to learn that. Until Vi didn't but she came with an enforcer and there was no time to talk.

How much easier would it be for Jinx if Silco shared the whole story? If he showed her that the similarities run deeper and that even after all this she (I assume) still saw his as a father figure -> she too deserved love despite her mistakes. Hell, if Vander ever talked to Silco or Silco tried to find him before S1 the whole problem would probably be solved before it even started.

And then what about Jinx sharing the whole story with Vi? How Silco was her father (was he good at it? that's a different topic. Still she grieves him as his daughter, she misses his lessons and guidance). How she didn't mean for the things to happen. How she needs help with her hallucinations (Silco tried to help with those and do they even have any kind of mental health professionals to offer real help? probably not. Still, not treating it as an excuse for her behavior but a real problem she's struggling with would do wonders.) We get some of it in S2 Act 2 but they are always in action and there are so many "almosts". Vi almost touching Jinx's shoulder. Jinx almost reaching out. The talk about future. They get family hugs with Vander. But this doesn't solve the grief, the hurt.

Here's to hoping the girls can break this circle of "All we needed was one honest conversation and then work on our relationship but we could have made it. Instead all we have is grief and useless legacy."

(Yet how often we don't get to have those kind of conversations in real life? How often we lose people because we never really explained? I love and hate how well Arcane portraits it)

[shiningstarwrites]

What they would say on their death bed

arcane characters

Vi

• Words Through the Pain: “Hey, don’t… don’t cry cupcake, okay? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. You’ll get through this. Just promise me… promise me you’ll keep fighting, yeah? For both of us.” Her hand grips yours tightly, even as her strength fades.

• A Last Promise: “I’d give anything to stay with you, but I’ll always be here.” She presses your hand to her chest. “Every punch, every step, every time you feel like giving up—hear my voice. I’ll be cheering you on.”

• A Joke to Hide the Fear: “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ll haunt you, I swear. Every time you trip or drop something, that’ll be me.” She chuckles weakly, tears in her eyes as she forces herself to smile for you.

Jinx (Powder)

• A Childlike Fear: “Don’t let me go… please. I’m scared, and I don’t want to leave you. You’re the only person who ever… who ever saw me, the real me.” Her voice cracks, her fingers clutching at yours desperately.

• A Tearful Goodbye: “I messed up so much, but you… you made me feel like I wasn’t broken. Like I could be something better. I’m sorry for everything.” Her lips tremble as she presses a shaky kiss to your forehead.

• Manic to the End: “Guess this is it, huh? Boom. Gone. Just like that.” She forces a grin, but it falters. “I wish we had more time. So much more time… with you, everything felt less… empty.”

Caitlyn

• Her Last Apology: “I should have spent more time with you. I thought we had more time… I thought we had forever.” Her voice is soft, regretful, and she reaches out to brush your tears away, even as her own fall.

• Protective Until the End: “I need you to promise me something. Be safe. Don’t let this world take you too. You deserve so much more than this… more than I could ever give you.”

• Final Words of Love: “I don’t think I ever told you enough… but you’re everything to me. My heart, my strength, my everything. I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

Ekko

• A Smile Through the Pain: “Don’t cry, okay? This isn’t goodbye… not really. I’ll always be with you. Every time you see the Firelights, or the stars, or… or just remember me, I’ll be there.”

• Words of Hope: “Keep building, yeah? A better Zaun, a better world… I know you can do it. You’ve got more fire in you than anyone I’ve ever met.” He squeezes your hand weakly, his voice full of faith.

• A Quiet Confession: “I was always scared I’d lose you first. Guess I’m the coward after all.” He smiles sadly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “But if I have to go, I’m glad… glad I get to see you one last time.”

Mel Medarda

• Calm and Composed: “Don’t let this destroy you. You’re stronger than grief, stronger than me. You’ve always been stronger.” Her voice is steady, but her hand trembles as she strokes your hair.

• A Love Eternal: “My time here is over, but my love for you… it will last beyond this life. Beyond anything. I need you to remember that.”

• The Regret in Her Eyes: “If I could do it all again, I’d spend less time on politics and more time with you. I’d hold you longer, kiss you deeper… I’d give you the world if I could.”

Silco

• A Rare Vulnerability: “Zaun was always my dream… but you? You were my peace. My one reprieve in this wretched world.” His voice is raw, and his usually sharp eyes soften as he looks at you.

• Words of Regret: “I should’ve… I should’ve told you more often how much you meant to me. How much I loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it enough.”

• His Final Command: “Don’t waste your time mourning me. You’re better than that, better than all of this. Live for yourself, not for my memory. You owe me nothing… except to survive.”

Viktor

• A Quiet Goodbye: “I wanted… so badly… to give us a better future. But I see now that I wasted so much time chasing it, instead of holding on to what I already had. You.”

• His Final Wish: “Don’t let this stop you. You have so much light in you, so much potential. Promise me you’ll keep going, no matter how hard it gets.”

• A Love That Defies Logic: “You were my greatest experiment. The only thing I never had to improve… because you were perfect just as you are. You’re the one thing I’ll never regret.”

[dirtytransmasc]

I think... I think Jinx needs to bring Isha home. whatever remains of her. I think she needs to parallel Silco, in carrying her daughter, but the newfound self control Isha has given her, and the memories of the hell that was her resurrection and it's aftermath, will keep her from making her father's mistake. so she will carry her home and away from the chaos.

and I think Sevika needs to take her. like she had back in the prison. taking her and protecting her so Jinx can rage. and so she can drive and say goodbye, because that was her daughter too, in a way. she never said it allowed or made the conscious effort. but that was her girl.

she needs to parallel the last moment she had with Isha. she needs to show a softness and vulnerability that comes with a mother, older and wiser and more calloused by life, taking up the hard duty of accepting and tending the dead. her dead. her child.

she protects Jinx in this, by taking Isha away and out of sight. letting Jinx breathe. letting her crumble. without risking Isha's safety. Jinx will fight her and she will say "you trust me with her once, yeah? trust me again?", and Jinx will accept. she'll hand her over like she's handing over something made of the most fragile glass and tissue paper and cotton floss.

and then Sevika gets a moment alone. a moment to accept this. and then she, this character who has always been rough and tough and full of grit and spit, who has been strong and violent, by choice and by her circumstances, in almost every scene she has ever had, to be gentle and quiet and grieving.

burial is not a luxury that many Zaunites get, but Sevika will find a way to make do. she'll tend her girl, both of her girls, and they will give Isha rest and peace. but for a moment she just needs to stare down at the broken body beneath her and accept that this is real.

all those years of thinking one day she would lose Jinx, never getting attached, and yet it was the girl that gave her hope that she loses? she wasn't there to protect her? the own she truly accepted this time around, to ensure she didn't fail her like she failed Jinx, and she loses her the second she's out of her immediate grasp? she didn't get to say goodbye? she needs a second.

and then she'll be there for Jinx, and watch her crumble and break and lose herself.

and she'll have moments alone where she doesn't know what to do with the pain in her heart.

and they will think of their girl.

and that will be that.

it would bring their arc all the way around.

Jinx can and will go mad, but not when she could hurt her baby. Sevika will be gentle. they will be mother and daughter in their grief. because Isha changed them for the better.

[ravenkinnie]

The crux of the matter is: Vi loves her sister.

She painted her love in blood on the stone walls in Stillwater; red and dark like fresh blood from scraped knees she patched on Powder so many times before, like the blood soaking the blanket they wrapped her sister in her first moments alive, before being laid in Vi's arms. In those days, the bruises on her ribs and her chest, her sides and her jaw, were still in the shape of a P, in the shape of her name as Vi repeated it to herself over and over, take care of Powder, get back to Powder, where is Powder-

It wasn't soon enough, it was eventually but they changed shape, into a baton, a boot, a fist, the blood soaking into the spaces between the stones, where Vi couldn't see anymore. Her chest hardened with it, the name harder and harder to dig out through the stone.

Until. The crack seeing the scribble on Caitlyn's report, the break, the shattering, at Jinx's wide eyes that Vi would always recognise in a face that she did and didn't at once. The quiver in her sister's voice when she asked are you real and how Vi didn't even think because hasn't she thought she's seen a flash of blue in the dark those first months, a voice calling her name in the days spent in isolation? She couldn't have known, not until Jinx ripped into herself on the floor of the cannery, she couldn't but she should have.

The smell of gunpowder is still heavy in the air, but Jinx's sobs stopped. She's eerily quiet, a more terriying feat than her anger, than her tears and her begging and apologies, her face broken up, features contorted into pain, into grief Vi can't see but she can imagine easily.

The ropes tight against her chest and arms dig painfully when Vi tries to breathe in, to calm her racing heartbeat, to hear anything over the roaring thrum of her pulse in her ears. She can smell blood, but she doesn't know where from, whether it's Silco's, mixed with the scent of gunpowder, whether it's her own from the gap between her teeth, the small open wound she feels tender on the back of her head. She thinks it's dried blood, matting her hair, not fresh, but the smell is so strong, metallic and nauseating, and Vi isn't sure.

Or-

Her eyes fall on Caitlyn, on Caitlyn's still form stretched out on the grimy floor and Vi can't look, she doesn't want to. Because when she does, she can't tell whether Caitlyn's chest is rising at all, whether the darkness around her head, the part of the floor hidden in the shadows, is her hair spread out across the concrete or a puddle of blood. The rope cuts into her muscles because Vi can't help the strain, she can't help pushing herself to the edge of the seat, the need to get up, get out, to check whether Caitlyn is breathing, whether she can feel that warm breath against her hand, rising goosebumps on her arms like Caitlyn's closeness does.

Her face is turned away, hidden in the dark, so Vi can't even see her softened features, lines she thought sharp at first but can't call them that in her mind now at all. All of Caitlyn is gentle, too tender to be laid out on the cold filthy floor amongst the iron scent of blood and the heavy smokey fear dripping off the walls, she should have never been here. But she was, because of Vi, because everything comes back to the stone in Vi's chest, to the crack inside it that she will never patch up, that she refuses to patch up.

A scrape of a chair against the floor; Jinx drops on it heavily, only the glimpse of the pink letters painted on the back before she's there, before Vi can't look away. Her sister looks empty, with hollow gaze, drained and exhausted like a child after a tantrum, but the toxic glow of her pink eyes makes the image more insidious, more sinister.

Vi should be shocked, she should be crushed, conflicted. And she is, her mind works so slow, the shock and stupor jammed between the cogs, and the bile on the backs of her teeth is so thick and bitter with fear, with Caitlyn's still chest, with the pulse in her ears making it impossible to hear whether there are any soft, quiet breaths coming from her direction.

But then there is something missing - the conflict.

"Jinx," she says, thick saliva coating the insides of her mouth. Jinx flinches at the name; it doesn't change anything. "It's okay. We can leave. We can."

Her eyebrows scrunch, a line between them that Vi knows means Powder would be holding back tears, the twitch in her cheek that means the same. But then she flinches again, more abrupt and harsher, the turn of her features becoming angrier as she looks to the side at something Vi can't see. "I don't." Her voice is angry, spitting out the words, but when she turns back to Vi there is none of that anger there. Her pink eyes glow with something deep and dark, tendrils of despair. "I can't trust you."

It hurts, the words hurt, but so does Vi's hand, as if it could still burn painfully from the contact with the soft skin of her sister's cheek, the force of the slap making her own palm sting. "No," Vi agrees.

Jinx looks at her with wide tearful eyes, the hurt and the hope hidden in those tears, her lip giving the tiniest tremble. Vi should think she looks like Powder, that she still hurts the same, the same scrunch in her forehead, the same twitch in her cheek. She doesn't look like Powder at all, not with the hollowness and the pink glow.

But she still looks Vi's sister. "I love you. Whatever you do, I love you." She lets her voice shake at the end but makes sure Jinx hears, that she understands.

Jinx doesn't turn her eyes away but Vi can't look into them anymore, she can't see whether they will flicker away again or remain. She shuts her own, tight, until fireworks burst underneath her eyelids, blue like smoke from a flare. She still can't hear any soft breaths through the thunder in her ears. She does hear the grating noise of the chair scraping against the floor as Jinx gets to her feet, the steps that move closer. Her hands and her eyes sting as Vi waits for whatever follows.

The start will always be the same as the end: Vi loves her sister. Somehow, it feels like the worst thing she's ever done.

[notarabeiia]

Arcane act 3 spoilers

A little fic I wrote to make me feel better

One moment, she was falling. Eyes locked on Vander, barely able to hear the ticking of her bomb. Then, within a blink of an eye, she was standing again. She looked around her, nothing but an abyss of white, not a single shadow or definition. She panicked, wondering if Ekko had done something to save her if he had undone her work and sacrifice. She doubted it, considering the last time he did that it simply put her back, it didn't zap her to some completely empty wasteland. Then her second idea set in, she was dead. A wave of disappointment hit her, this was it? This is what people die for?

She walked in one direction for a while, though it felt as if she was walking on the spot. She grew agitated, kicking the ground as if there were rocks on it. Eventually, she stopped, falling to the ground, head hanging between her knees. She listened to the sound of her own breathing, strange that she was still breathing even though she no longer needed to. As she played with the laces on her shoes to try to stimulate her mind she heard something behind her, a soft scratching of pen on paper. She whipped her head around so fast she fell from the balance of her feet, causing her to sit on her side, with her hands propping her up. Waves of shock, grief, relief and fear crashed over her, her mind was buzzing, and she didn't know how to react. She pushed herself up, running with utter desperation before she crashed into it. A small child, with short blue hair and two small braids, sat cross-legged as she coloured in. Jinx' impact knocked her over, the girl grunted and flailed, trying to figure out what the impact was. They made eye contact, and her eyes lit up, she threw her arms over Jinx and sobbed, gripping her tightly.

"Isha?" Jinx spoke quietly, afraid it wasn't real, afraid she would fade away again. After a short pause, she realised that wasn't going to happen, she scooped Isha up in her arms and squeezed her as her life depended on it, sobbing, grasping at the girl in any way she could. She glanced over Isha's shoulder to see what she was drawing. A shaky stick figure with long blue braids, holding hands with a shorter one with a helmet on. She sobbed, wondering how long Isha had been here alone, how many days she had waited. Isha grunted hitting Jinx on the shoulder to get her attention, causing her to pull away slightly. Isha smiled with excitement, pointing behind Jinx before wriggling away and running. Jinx spun, watching her run. Her jaw dropped when she saw what Isha was pointing at.

"Dad." She scrambled to her feet, practically running on all fours before slamming into the two of them. She knew she had nothing to fear anymore. She was finally free, at peace. Vander gave her a gentle pat on the head, causing her to look up at him.

"Powder," he spoke softly, causing Jinx to let out a small weep, "there's no need to cry." He brushed her hair out of her face, giving her a squeeze of reassurance. Jinx just stared at him, she couldn't form words. She looked down when she felt a tugging at her hand, Isha was trying to drag them, pointing proudly. Jinx looked to where she was pointing and gasped. A lake, pearly white with small tufts of golden grass around it, in front of a small, run-down house. Despite the house now being entirely white and grey, Jinx recognised it in a second, it was the place where they had found Vander's letter to Silco. It was their hideout. Isha dragged them over to it, glancing back to make sure Vander was still following. She led them inside, and as soon as the door was opened colour sprouted, the inside of the house was painted warm browns, and drawings on the walls by Isha, mostly of Jinx, two coats hung on the wall, Jinx already knew who they belonged too. Isha led them in and let them look around before pulling Jinx over to a small single-seat couch, where a familiar man was sleeping, arms crossed, his head hanging slightly. Jinx launched onto him, startling him awake. He looked at her with pure love, reciprocating her hug, and patting her hair down similar to how Vander did.

"I'm so sorry" Jinx repeated over and over through sobs.

"I don't blame you," Silco responded, allowing her to sob on his shoulder as he glanced at Vander and then back to Isha, who was proudly smiling.

"This little one has been telling me all sorts of stories you know," he spoke, gesturing to Isha as she bounced around happily, "sounds like you had quite the revolution." He chuckled lightly, smiling gently as Jinx wiped her tears, smiling and laughing guiltily.

When she finally got off Silco and calmed down, she sat on the very same chair where she had read the note, smiling as Isha brought her all her drawings to show her, proudly pointing at Jinx in each of them. When Isha had finally worn herself out and fell asleep on the couch, Jinx looked around her, she looked at Silco and Vander talking, she looked at the coats on the wall, at the mugs on the table, at her own hands as they shook and she realised something. This was all she ever wanted. One day Vi would be here too, and she would tell Jinx about all the things she did while she was gone, sooner or later she would find Milo and Claggor, and she would be able to apologise, she prayed they would forgive her. Eventually, Ekko would appear, she would be able to hug him again, he would tell her about all his new fancy inventions and she had no doubt he would be a large part of saving Zaun. She was strangely even anticipating Caitlyn's arrival, as much as she disliked her. She was at peace, no one here hated her, no one here had any expectation of her, she had no roles to fill, no people to hurt. She was finally safe, warm, and happy. And she had zero regrets, she sunk comfortably into the chair, which was wooden but still smooth and warm. She closed her eyes and finally, for the first time in forever, she slept peacefully.

[sunnysidesevenup]

GOING TO RANT ABOUT ARCANE REAL QUICK BECAUSE. DAMN.

Spoilers for all of season 2 (especially the final 3 eps)

this probably won’t be coherent at all because I’m coming straight off watching all 3 but. the fact that this season did everything I thought would happen in only the first act, and then did 50 more things I wasn’t prepared for. gosh, what a show.

Jinx has always been my favorite character and damn, if she isn’t even more my favorite now. Characters whose grief fucks them up so badly to the point that they are nearly unrecognizable but simultaneously exactly who they always were, just. they always get me. She never set out to fix anything or break anything, and yet. AND YET.

I think episode 7 has to be one of my favorite episodes of any media. Which is weird because it’s an Ekko episode essentially and he’s not my favorite, but just. The way things could’ve been. Coming immediately off of episode 6, too. It’s just heartbreaking—the fact that we get to see Ekko’s face after the s1 fight on the bridge, standing over Jinx. The Powder we could have gotten. The whole “I’m sorry I gave up on you” sentiment of it all. GOD, I WAS CRYING DURING THE EPISODE. BECAUSE I KNOW THATS NOT HOW THINGS ARE BUT THEY COULD HAVE BEEN

The fact Jinx spent the whole season trying to die, and EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE ALMOST GOT THERE SHE LOOKED SO ACCEPTING OF IT. AAAAAAAAA. Ekko having to rewind so many times to save her. When he points out that she’ll blow him up too, and she gets a look on her face because she didn’t even think about it. and then she jumps instead because SHE DOESN’T WANT TO HURT HIM AKSGBSHNSJSN

And whoever tries to claim that her sacrificing herself for Vi was the whole “redemption through death” trope I swear to god. did you watch the show. did you understand. it’s not about redemption she doesn’t WANT redemption she wasn’t trying to do that. She just wants to save her sister. she wants to succeed this time. I JUST AHAHGSKWJWHWHHS

her imagining Silco telling her violence is a cycle. it’s harder to walk away. god, this show.

they really got me with this. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this storyline. Characters like her ALWAYS get me. Still can’t believe a league of legends show just obliterated me like that

[r0semaryt3a]

Arcane season 2 opinions with the first few episodes: (spoilers under cut)

Episode one: fantastic start! Jaw dropping visuals, wonderful storytelling right off the bat, already had me crying, top tier voice acting as always and an AMAZING intro sequence! Immediately sets up conflict and throws us right back into the gut punch that is the Arcane storyline. And the score? Already fab. Already love it. Such a good start to the season we are so back baby! And also, like, what a way to introduce your themes and new cast members. I think the way they did that was fab and remains so throughout in this really nice blend of direct exposition and just letting a scene flow. Overall, there’s nothing particular I want to say about the first episode. I think it was fab and I have no real complaints. I like how it gets right into the nitty gritty that Arcane is known for whilst not shoving action straight down our throats: a subtle drip feeding.

Teeny weeny little bit of annoyance with the manner in which Vi ‘joins’ the enforcers but that’s a personal nit pick that really I myself am glossing over as it worked well with the story and wasn’t forced.

Episode 2: SOME OF MY FAVOURITE SCENES EVER OML. The parallels?? Mwah, love them. Love them to bits. “How could someone put all those holes in you?” CRYING, BAWLING MY EYES OUT GOOD GOD. Hate it, love it love it love it. Sucker? New favourite song, new favourite music video I adored the start of that (and the end but the Chem Barrons at the table? Good grief oml serve me some more I BEG) ISHA IS A LITTLE CUTIE, Sevika my woman, my wife I love you. I also really liked how the speech about Silco between her and Jinx really shows us their perception of him and just how warped it is.

It works well to set up a ton of tension and genuinely was so visually pleasing I just can’t. Like that whole scene with Sev’s new arm? Yes please 🙏. VIKTOR’S ARC IS COMING TOGETHER AND I AM EXCITED FOR IT! “It was affection that held us together” man that hurts and I’m here for it. We’ve gotten so much more Mel content I am loving it! Episode 2 is like everything to me already I enjoyed it so much all the different parallels and what not we’re deliciously executed!

Episode 3: THAT SCENE WITH THE GREY?? OH. MY. LORD. YES!!!

But…this is where I have problems (funnily enough also where I do in season 1). Not with the whole Cait-Vi-Jinx fight no. I think was that brilliant. But Ambessa. I did indeed roll my eyes at the reveal of her setting up conflict with Renni in order to secure what she wanted and the whole thing with the Guild merchant (nothing else with the though). Now, it’s not weak storytelling by any means it’s just a few personal “no no” tropes of mine. However, I am aware that this is only the third episode and a major stepping stone on setting up the rest of the season LIKE WITH WARRICK (omlomloml can’t wait) so I’m not going to elaborate too much on that bit. BACK ONTO POSITIVES: THE VISUALS? THE SMOKE-BOMB SCENE? FISHBONES BACK INTO PLAY? the absolute gut wrench of any and all Violyn scenes. WE GOT WAY MORE EKKO??? AND THAT WHOLE TRIP IN THE HEXGATES WAS JUST WOW! My poor gal Mel is suffering…

The animators have put their all into this season and it shows the visuals are FANTASTIC! Don’t even talk to me about the music it was so great I love it all.

I really like the way they’re setting up all these parallels! Almost makes me forget that most of my favs are dead (Cassandra, Silco, Renni, Greyson)

Overall I can’t wait for more Arcane

[heroinejinx]

FANFIC APPRECIATION MEME

Post recommendations for your ten favourite fanfics and tag the authors if possible. Tell us what you like about their work.

Tag five people of your choice to do the meme too.

okay well there’s more than ten because i’m indecisive & these are all too good not to mention!!

for some sense of order, i’ve separated them by ships, and then further by if they’re canon or au, because the 2 are essentially different genres so 🤓 

i’m also not gonna expand too much on what i like about each of these because it’ll just be me waffling & saying ‘i love this ship and this person writes their dynamic so damn well’ over and over lol 

Lightcannon

~~canon-ish~~

- ‘Ill-Fortune and Illumination’ series by @questionablecuttlefish 

ft. scenes of extreme chaos and extreme tenderness, sometimes in the same chapter, always brilliant 🤌

- ‘The energy that pumps through my veins’ by @ghostofyaz

in which jinx is the ultimate masochist & lux aims to please ✨

- ‘Flashbangs and Frag Grenades’ series by @calchexxis (which there’s also a podcast on Spotify for!!🔥)

‘jinx is crazy, lux is crazier’ - a must read

~~au~~

- ‘Bright Eyes’ series by @calchexxis

college au in which jinx is a ‘tattooed punk on a motorcycle’ - need i say more? 👀

- ‘Friction Coefficient’ by @blood-lich-crow

and so they were forced to be study buddies 😙

- ‘Fight and Flight’ by @onegraycat

the closest to top gun i will ever willingly get, ft. angst and planes ✈️

Timebomb

~~canon-ish~~

- ‘My Boy Savior’ by Elssandra on AO3 (idk their tumblr)

wherein jinx’s journey to becoming a firelight is cute, dark as hell, dramatic and frequently heartbreaking - yay 🥲

Pistolwhip / CaitJinx

~~canon-ish~~

- ‘Dancing After Death’ by @prettyaveragewhiteshark

jinx and caitlyn bond over their grief & it hurts & it’s so satisfying to read 💔

- ‘Hollow bones and bird song’ series by @natsukashenby

the fic that got me into the crackship, so much angst and pining, god bless 🙏

- ‘Lithium’ series by @ravenkinnie

okay i need to re-read this asap but the angst in this knows no bounds 🖤

~~au~~

- ‘Love Sonnet aka Escort AU’ series by @ravenkinnie

this fic is so tender and their connection feels so real - idk how else to describe it other than saying just go read it right now 🥺

- ‘Lover, will you look at me now? I’m already dead to you’ by @natsukashenby

ft. caitlyn and jinx bonding a little too much at a party… gotta love the drama

Liquorbomb (Jinx x ‘Chuck’)

@unknownstellardepths has this monopolised lololol thank you for your service

~~canon-ish~~

- ‘Toy Guns with Real Bullets’

jinx turns to ‘chuck’ after killing silco and things get *complicated* ❤️‍🩹

this fleshes out thieram/chuck so so well, and the writing in this? the crafting of the fight scenes, the sex scenes, and character development? yeah, read it.

~~au~~

- ‘Scissors and Heartstrings’ 

more thieram and jinx antics - can’t get enough tbh 🫶

Honourable mentions for some non-Arcane fics I adore:

SPOP (Catradora)

~~canon-ish~~

- ‘Falling feels like flying (till the bone crush) by ehj on AO3 (idk their tumblr)

what if catra and adora started secretly fucking while still at war with each other? yeah this is that & it’s bloody great 😌

~~au~~

- ‘Break a Leg (and break the bed)’ by @dandyvela 

catradora as stunt workers who are secretly fuck buddies, minus the friendship & add on a whole lot of repressed feelings. genius 💖

- ‘Take me home’ by feistypants on AO3 (idk their tumblr)

exes running a farm together and slowly confronting the past… when i tell you i cried 😭

Killing Eve (Villaneve)

~~what everyone in the old fandom wishes could’ve been canon~~

- ‘Saving Eve’ by DontShoveTheSun on AO3 (idk their tumblr)

okay i’m not exaggerating when i say that this fic has improved my mental health lol anyone still reeling from that abysmal finale needs to read this. this whole thing is like the most comforting hug ever & idc it’s canon to *me* 🥹

tbh i’d also extend this rec to anyone who enjoys the murder wives trope in general, even if you haven’t seen the show - this fic truly delivers everything that kind of story needs. can’t praise it highly enough.

okay, this was super fun to do so i’m tagging all the authors mentioned here, plus anyone else who wants to do it! 💕

[zghostreviews]

The Arcane Review

I have not used this account in a long time but I feel like I need to yap a bit after Season 2.

Season 1, keeping it short and brief cause I don't have any real issues with it or anything. The animation and art style used in Arcane is beautiful and such, love that, very appealing to my eyes. The music used is......well it makes you remember this is based on LoL at least...I liked the intro song used and simply tolerated like 70 to 80% of the other music. I stayed firmly on the side of Zaunites throughout my S1 watch especially and barely cared for the Pilties except for maybe Mel but it was more of in a "why are you with a man who looks like he uses 7 in 1 body wash instead of your secretary who looks like she wants you" and the "your mom genuinely fucking sucks" sorta way. On the topic of Ambessa though, I CAN understand why people think she's hot but like I can't get over the whole warlord and genocider thing but anyways. I liked the first season, the pacing seemed great to me I thoroughly enjoyed it even though it has basically zero rewatchability for me.

Now Season 2, I actually have a lot to say about it since its fresher on my brain.

Dawg........Season 2 was kinda shit.....it makes sense why Fallout won over Arcane(even tho I think that it was a very missed opportunity NOT to have Maybe play when the bombs started dropping in Fallout the show) this time at the game awards(aside from S2 of Arcane JUST wrapping up close to the end of November) The pacing and writing felt off and everything felt incredibely rushed and I don't get it? They're making another Arcane series anyways so I dont get why they could have had three seasons instead of trying to mesh together two acts in one 8 episode season? Whoever made it standard that seasons for shows should be 13 episodes or less instead of at least 20, your mom's a hoe‼️

I'm gonna be real for a moment and say I was purely here for more Sevika content that was promised and they FUCKING LIED!! My wife don't even say a singular word in Act 3 aside from "GRAAHHH" LIKE WHAT. Like we still know basically absolutely nothing about her even though she was Silco's right hand and had to take care of Jinx and Isha.

And then the stuff with Cait??? Is just not really addressed???? Cause she went full on dictator and shit after her mom's funeral. That was all her own choice and I don't know why people keep saying "it's because of Ambessa" even though Ambessa literally hadn't even spoken to her yet during her initial crash out, the scuffed shit she was doing to Zaun citizens and pointing a gun at a literal child??? Cait made those decisions literally on her own dude.

Another thing bothering me that was just never addressed is how Ambessa literally had hired those Zaun people with the full intention of no one stopping them from assassinating Mel, HER DAUGHTER. Unless that was something her right hand staged without her knowing???? We don't know because that shit was never addressed afterwards and we can only assume that Mel learn that her mom or her mom's right hand was about to get her killed to make it seem like all of Zaun was evil either.

And the thing with Viktor was...something...he turned into Jesus and started going a bit crazy with power. My main thing with him is that...he is from Zaun, right? So wouldn't he know who Vander and/or Silco are in some way even if he only spent his childhood there?

And then there's the lesbian sex scene which I feel was just..........terribly placed.....? And the writing surrounding what leads up to it is weird too....? Throughout the entirety of Season 2, Cait....I literally like her less than I did in S1 cause she literally called Vi "one of the good ones" in S2 and that was fucking crazy. But Cait has had like zero sympathy of any kind for Jinx, even when Jinx was like super clearly wracked from trauma and grief from seeing, Isha, a child, a child that was in her care, die in front of her. Like I'm pretty sure Vi and Cait also witnessed that too....and the aftermath so you'd think she'd be at least a little bit sympathetic but no???? Unless I missed something????

Then afterwards when Vi arrives and does try to talk to Jinx about what happened, clearly it's still a fresh wound and she does NOT wanna talk about it due to how painful it is so she lashes out and locks Vi in the cell, and very clearly eludes that she's gonna go off and kill herself and no one is gonna stop her. And then sometime after that, Cait comes by and unlocks the cell and Vi is like "she really hasn't changed..." and its like huh?????? You JUST basically heard her say she'd gonna go off herself and THAT was your conclusion??? Even after the time you got to spend with her prior to the event inadvertently caused by Jayce??? Then Cait just kinda shit talks about Jinx to Vi and trying to reaffirm that "yeah girl! She hasnt changed and I told you so!" in between the comfort and then they start kissing and fucking in the jail cell Jinx had spent days starving herself and wallowing in her own grief and sorrows in.

I'm sorry but was that supposed to get my clit perking up????? Cause it didnt.

And then there's the Black Rose plot, which was just confusing and proves that Act 2 and 3 should've been their own seasons cause it just made everything even more messy and kind of hard to keep up with. Like...???? Question marks was all that was really cause it just provided more questions than there already were.

I thought the fish guy would be of importance cause of how many shots he was getting, the whole thing with Maddie, and that guy Vi was hanging out with that was giving Vander vibes, hell I even thought that one Jinxer would've been important in some way cause she got a few shots too. But nah, all of them just die with little to no fanfare except fish guy whose name was Stev or something, I dunno.

And then the montages were....also annoying to say the least? It seemed like more of an excuse to make a mini music video really.

Did I watch Season 2 all the way through? Yeah. At times it felt like a chore to actually get through it, but yeah.

But did I walk out of it perplexed? Also yes!

I rate season 2 like a 7.5/10

S1 gets like a 9/10

[findmeinthefallair]

Brief Meta on Memories and Traumatic Grief

Memories change over time and don't stay exactly the same. Each one is fluid, tied to a web of ever-changing associations we draw between them and other thoughts, and we actually make small edits each time we revisit them, like small tweaks in a word doc file that we may hardly notice.

But we are undoubtedly rewriting them over time, changing the narrative even if not by much, forming new associations big and small with them by weaving other thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perspectives/memories with them, no matter how consciously or subconsciously we do so. It's like playing the telephone game with ourselves without being able to stop it.

The fascinating thing about this is it opens up room for trauma treatment approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing (EMDR), narrative therapy, journaling, memory rescripting etc to be effective, since memories are therefore subjective. Memories are always malleable, though at the same time they have foundational roots.

Which brings me to the above. I believe it was tremendously important that others were physically present and right next to him in the moments right after Flapjack faded away. Trusted loved ones who felt the same kind of emotions as he was, to collectively grieve as a group (hell, there hasn't even been time for them to properly mourn without rushing the process. Not yet). This would've influenced the forming of Hunter's traumatic memories related in any way to Flapjack dying.

Instances like below - him being held tightly and soothed while being in an unmatched level of pain - must have shaped the newly forming memories in a major way:

Oddly enough, this scenario in which a death has just occurred has some similarities with its opposite: birth 🤔🤔🤔🤔 The minutes and hours after any childbirth are a very sensitive window for foundations of a sense of safety, emotional regulation and even physiological processes to be built. That's why newborn infants should have pretty much constant physical touch with caregivers via e.g. skin-to-skin contact for healthy bonding to take place. *tempted to philosophize more about birth vs death but I'm holding back from being unnecessarily lengthy*

Back to Hunter's major traumatic loss above. I'm referencing it because it was not going to be long before Belos's death, which undoubtedly will be an extremely complicated loss of a father figure (no matter how abusive Belos was): How could this impact on all the Belos-related memories and Flapjack-related memories that Hunter will keep recalling for the rest of his life?

I think he will require the exact same type of support once that milestone of his life - truly losing Belos - arrives. This but on a way bigger scale:

Why? Because there's no way this part of him has totally disappeared:

There are formative memories do to with Belos which can't be whisked away with a Delete button. Once he hears of Belos's death, the hours afterward will matter so much too. Examples of other important moments in other media that portray what I'm trying to explain include this part of Avatar: The Last Airbender..

where Katara is by Zuko's side as he watches Azula, his sister, have a nervous breakdown. The physical touch from Katara matters. The memory of this event is forming in Zuko's mind and being shaped in real-time. and will continue to be shaped over time.

Another one I remembered is this moment of Silver shielding Jim in Treasure Planet (the supernova scene) when Jim's skills as a crew member (which he bet all of his self-worth on) were truly being tested:

This proved to be vital "cushioning" for what happens right afterwards: Jim, already stricken with a fragile sense of identity and no self-love, being blamed for the death of a crew member.

The last example is from How to Train Your Dragon 2. Hiccup not being on his own during his father's death and funeral:

A negative, dark example is Jinx losing Silco in Arcane:

Nobody to soothe and hold her (because she rejected Vi's help due to lack of trust), and she had been the one to end his life.

Whether a parental figure we lose has been kind or cruel to us, grief is unavoidable when they are gone. Hunter's is on a exaggerated level in fiction since Belos technically murdered him via the possession and he had to be brought back to life via external means (Flapjack's sacrifice).

I was especially compelled to write this meta after a fresh realization that being physically alone and unsupported in the crucial minutes and hours after a few life-altering incidents in past decades, significantly prolonged my recovery time from such awful traumatic memories. But I'm very glad Hunter should be in excellent hands having to say that complicated goodbye (which realistically, will not be a one-time send-off) to his 'uncle', which he most definitely won't be responding to with a triumphant Hollywood kind of smile on his face.

SOMEBODY HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BBY AND PUT A BLANKET OVER HIM

[shimmerbeasts]

Vi leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on her lover's forehead. She whispered: "Hey, Caitlyn, we all make mistakes. We all have moments where we underestimate an opponent." Her expression darkened. "I still blame myself as much for Mylo's and Claggor's deaths or Vander's eventual fate as much as I used to blame Powder. I know that's wrong to think, but maybe a part of me just did not want to admit how badly I had screwed up. I had failed one of the most important rules any Zaunite could deal with when invading another's territory. Always be aware of your surroundings."

Vi's lips tensed up and she clutched her fingers in one hand. Taking a deep breath, she admitted: "I was so focussed on trying to save Vander from Silco, that I walked us right into a trap. There was an open window and no guards. We could practically beeline it to my father. When Vander realised we had walked into a trap, it was too late. Silco and his entire gang showed up. There was only a bridge between us and them. Ten or so adults against three children and a chained-down man. I had to step up and defend everybody. Because if I didn't, we would all die. Janna, you cannot imagine how terrified I was. Vander's iron gauntlets were so heavy at the time. I am shocked, I even managed to fight in them. I mean I had practiced punching on a machine, but this was another story."

She hung her head. "Even now I keep thinking, why did I not catch that we were walking into a trap?", she said, "Why was I not more suspicious of how easy it was to reach Vander? Why did I not consider that there may be a trap?" Vi looked at Caitlyn. "Cupcake, you had good intentions when you tried to get closer to Ambessa. You thought you could play her game. I am pretty damn confident that you could have, had things been different. But just like I was terrified of losing Vander and thus could not notice the very obvious trap, I walked into, you were so engulfed by the grief for your mother, you could not register the poison that war pig kept oinking into your ear until your hearing was completely infected. Yes, I was mad about you for being so blind but let's be real: I was just as blind back then with Vander. If I had paid attention, if you had paid attention, maybe none of our mistakes would have happened at all."

"Oih!" Her voice grew harsher. "Don't say that, Caitlyn!" She warningly wagged a claw at her girlfriend's head. Calming down, Vi said: "That man knew the risk as did his wife and child. I doubt Zaun fought by Piltover's side because we thought we owed you something. We knew that if we did not get involved, we'd be next. There was no way, Ambessa was gonna stop conquering Piltover. Zaun would have been next. Either assimilated or just destroyed. We recognised a threat to our territories and decided it was better to help you deal with that."

"Oh, I am not saying everybody is cool with what you did, Cupcake", Vi said, "Trust me, they are not. While certain people like my gang or the Jinxers are probably willing to let this pass, there are definitely folks who want you dead for what you did. It is probably the remains of the gangs we took out. Remember, we butchered Margot and Chross. Their men and women suffered in the Grey. I would be surprised if they don't want at least some vengeance for that."

She sighed. "I know, Cupcake. I know. Not sure if that feels like good retaliation, but the Baroness' gang told me that right now, Noxian meat has become a new delicacy in the Black Market. Everybody wants to sink their fangs into a dead soldier." She chuckled. "Though I gotta admit: I would have loved to see Ambessa's confused face when you swiped at her. You should have seen her shock when she realised we stooped her ass. The moment she realised I was out of the cuffs, she fought with two left feet!"

Vi gently patted Caitlyn's knee. She said: "I know, Cupcake. I know we kind of intercepted with some things. If what the Baroness' sources are telling me is true, we may have mucked up the Black Market. Just a bit. Okay, who am I kidding? We mucked it up a lot." She laughed. "We literally took out most of the big Chem-Barons. We will have to give the Undercity the chance to reestablish all these services."

"It could work", Vi said, "if we can play around the fluidity of Zaunite leadership. Remember, the territories drawn out now, could change in the blink of an eye, whether that be because one gang ousts another one from their territory, a leader bites the dust in the Sickly Months or the deputy deems their current leader incompetent. Your idea of three leaders from each side of the river and you as a tiebreaker is a good plan. We just have to accept and work with the fact that the Zaunite seats might change occupants fast. Furthermore, these people still have to be able to perform their duties in their territories. That also helps them stay representative of Zaun."

She got up and walked over to Caitlyn's map of the Undercity. Vi said: "If I may prompt a suggestion: The three people should come from different regions of Zaun. After all, the Lanes may be among the most populated areas, but it certainly is not everything. There is also the Dredge and the sections near the river where fishing is more prominent than mining." She looked back at Caitlyn. "If you find a representative for these three eyes, you probably come closer to representing the whole of Zaun than just one region."

"I appreciate your offer of making me part of the council", Vi said, "but I do not think it is a good idea. While you are right that Baroness could probably handle this sort of stuff easily, I do not think it is wise for me to stay in her or Pink's headspaces for such prolonged periods. Furthermore, we are mates. Zaunites and Piltovans alike might accuse you of practising favouritism if I am on the council. I won't mind helping you clear up the Enforcers and knock some sense into those psychos, but don't put me on the council."

@shimmerbeasts - Continued Ask

Usually, Cait’s sense of hearing would pick up Vi’s voice in an instant, yet her mind drowned out everything. Guilt burdening her thoughts, believing her sacrifice wasn’t enough. She lost an eye... an eye. That wasn’t enough payment, she had to do more; be more. Somehow fighting in the war to protect everything did not feel like enough. She didn’t quite remember much of the war after starting a fight with Ambessa. It swirled like a whirlwind, trying to nab the memories that flew through her fingers.

It was only when Vi’s hand touched her shoulder and she insistently pulled out of her drowning senses to look at her. “Oh, Vi,” She whispered, her hand following Vi’s movement and trying to focus on her. Her vision lopsided, she couldn’t focus with both her eyes anymore, and she had to shift her head slightly more to the right to look at her. “I should have seen through it. I wanted to get close to her, on purpose. When she showed up before everything became a bloody mess, I didn’t trust her. I knew she was up to something, but then...” Caitlyn shook her head as she looked down. “She made me feel things Vi, what it was like to have a mother that approved of everything. How did I let her twist me into ... this. All the while, focused on hating Jinx and wanting to rip her throat out. I wanted to make her hurt... and then Ambessa put this on me.. and claimed we would have jinx's blood. How could I be so blind,” Caitlyn allowed the cloak to drop from her fingers and closed her eyes.

“I haven’t paid enough for my sins, Vi. Why did I survive the war, when good people didn’t. That zaunite, he had a family. A wife, a daughter... and he died next to me. It should have been me,” Her throat tightened as she let her shoulders slump downward.

Zaun. Their participation in the battle against Noxus continued to surprise her. “What?” Caitlyn spun her head, her eyes wide and in shock. “They...” Caitlyn turned her head away and stared at the fire in disbelief. The Zaunites saw her actions as... their culture. Caitlyn truly tried to protect Zaun from harm. How many times had she told Ambessa off for her actions? all Caitlyn wanted was Jinx. Unjustly imprisonment, the attacks on the square, even at the checkpoints. “I... I have expected Zaun to want to hunt me down in term for their retribution of what I did. I know I fucked up badly,” Caitlyn whispered. “But all I wanted to do was find Jinx. I tried to stop what Ambessa did. Should have seen the arguments we got into. I took a swipe at her and that startled her for the first time,”

Caitlyn let the cloak fall from her hands as she rested her arms down against her legs. “I never meant to hurt Zaun. I tried to ensure that nothing was interfered with. Its... weird, not feeling this hate for Jinx anymore. It’s like I don’t know what to do now, not that I can do much anyway,” Caitlyn waved her hand toward her leg and then her eye.

“I was thinking, for a while, about what I need to do. We have no council, the enforcers have no leader. In all actuality, I’m still in charge.” Her eyes glanced over to Vi as she waved her hand. “I still have much to learn, so, I want your opinion. Do you think the Zaunites would accept three of the council seats? I have a plan, three zaunites, three piltovans. both sides get a voice, and neither one can weigh over the other. And I would be the seven seats, though I will not dictate any course of action. Only to break ties.” Her hands reached over to grab a piece of paper and passed it to Vi. “I just don’t know how to present this to them, or if they would even want this. I’m just trying to fix the mess I made now, I had a few choices,”

Fingers fiddled with the metal brace on her leg and lowered her shoulders. "Sevika and Ekko, for sure. I would offer you the third seat, but I don't think you really care to much for that political drama," And Caitlyn wouldn't blame her. "Unless you do want it, again, I don't want to presume what you do and don't want for Zaun. I could see Baroness handling it well, but, I don't know if she wants to deal with that bullshit,"

[ravenkinnie]

i think jinx still has the inner ambition inside to destroy piltover. its already implanted in her by both vi and silco, just in their own words (1. "one day, this city will respect us" 2. "we'll show them. we'll show them all). even when vi joins the enforcers, i think jinx will see vi as blinded by caitlyn and it'll futher fuel her piltover bloodthirst, out of hatred but also thinking that she will win vi back again if she makes her childhood vow to make piltover 'respect' zaun come true.

there is this one post that explains how in jinx's mind, there are forces more powerful than love and that is ambitions/ideals/dreams/etc. people can abandon their loved ones for a dream or an ideal and jinx internalized this first from her parents who could've been alive if only they chose to stay with their daughters but left them for war.

i think jinx believes vi will abandon cait no matter how much she loves her if only jinx achieves what she believes vi still desires since childhood.

and if anyone told jinx that vi may no longer has the same ambition anymore, she'll turn a blind ear and spit. because the shared dream she has with vi they vowed together on the rooftop is the one last link she shares with her sister that she's got left.

(also yes jinx at the end symbolically severs her ties with vi but lets be real she is still very much emotionally attached to her sister bcs jinx is doomed to always want what she cant have)

I do think her main drive will be to cause chaos and wreckage, whether as an emotional response or some delusional form of commemoration. I do think that this feels like an incomplete motivation though like the centre of her character HAS shifted, she's not searching for acceptance anymore and there's no one she would be seeking it out from, this aspect of her relationship with vi has already been severed and if they went back on it it would just feel redundant from a storytelling perspective. I don't think she will want to 'win vi back' or sth like that has already been the story, her desire for reconciliation and now that desire has been replaced by belief that its not possible

it's clear that it makes sense that jinxs drive will shift in the second season but what exactly it will shift to is very up in the air, like I personally don't like what you laid out here because I think that's an extremely weak drive for her character that would just keep repeating over and over themes that were already laid out and engaged with and now after a turnover of the finale it should instead push it in a new direction instead of going over the same things. christian linke said about s2 even that now that they laid out who these characters are they can start dismantling it and THATS so interesting to me, to think about how jinxs character can be dismantled

my ideal for jinx is to become a more calculated terrorist HDHDHDH she is an extremely emotionally reactive person, she internalised ideals from vi or vander or silco (probs not her parents, I think she was too young to know them like that, as people more than caregivers and what she knows of them is probably what has been passed on from vi. but in a way this id secondhand grief and their experiences of parental loss are completely different but thats a whole other thing) but it's clear these are completely secondary to her inner emotional reality - using her weapon against piltover wasn't even the main point of the dinner spectacle, her confusion about the emotional bonds in her life was. she clearly did not have a larger goal in mind for the outcome of it and she would have ran off with vi and said fuck all yall zaunites if she believed it meant vi would be forever tied to her unconditionally - but she didn't. I think moving from purely emotional landscape of her actions and motivations to one motivated by more overarching goals or beliefs too is a realistic goal and also goes beyond a mid redemption arc or going in circles over the same relationship dynamics - and it means jinx could become an actually potentially dangerous and powerful player in the power vacuum of zaun beyond just her penchant for violence - and it doesn't mean those ties she started to sever at the end of s1 are completely done because they will be running in circles in some way but if you want it to be narratively satisfying she can't be going over the same things the whole season so there will have to be progress there somewhere and I think it will end up somewhere halfway between estrangement and dependency. they will never be free from each other but they will have their own stories running parallel. I think how little jinx actually cares about the ideals she's been surrounded by will be a part of that dismantling, the reality of what a volatile substance in zauns ecosystem she is but also maybe how what she internalised more than beliefs is the notion of power

(alternatively, vi can say fuck it and let being attached to jinx forever ruin her and that's sexy too but I just don't think arcane is a story that would choose this but remember!! tragedy is always a great narrative)