#the goat ass motherfucker

[pigeonxp]

virgin loser baby undertaker or chad sigma slay bautista

[facehead-08]

We got some pet goats!! ⭐️

[thelastlightningbug]

[ID 1: a tumblr comment I made before I changed my username, reading "every character cannot possibly have their theme song be hayloft by mother mother you guys just don't listen to very much music"

ID 2: tags added by user charlatansblues reading "#I'm always saying this!! #how many characters out there have been in the specific situation #where theyre having sex w their partner in a barn #and their dad is coming w a shotgun to get their ass #like this is so specific. how are there so many characters with this song on their playlist #drives me nuts" End IDs]

i am SOBBING thank you pinterest for showing me this LMAODBJA

[23victoria]

Passing the Phone

f1 grid x reader

warnings: cussing, unhinged, satire, complete jokes (are they?...), dark humor ig…idk, talk of age gaps, sa allegations, no just kidding...very much reading people to the filth

authors note: lmaoo don’t ask me why i wrote this cause idk…but this is so unhinged 😭😭 please don’t take offense to this and if you do…i said don’t…all jokes i love them, some of them, you can find it funny or you won’t, just wanted to get this out of my drafts

want to be tagged in my works?! CLICK HERE!

f1 masterlist

Video starts with Y/N holding the phone, in selfie mode.

Y/N: I'm passing the phone to someone who had the biggest breakup in F1 history with a blond German boy named Nico.

Lewis: Babe, no!

Y/N: What, too soon? It's been years but okay! Sorry! Okay, let me start again. I'm passing the phone to someone who said "Fuck Mercedes" and is going to Ferrari for 2025!

Lewis: Y/N, no!! You cannot say that! You’re gonna get me in trouble!!

Y/N: Fine, fine, fine. I'm passing the phone to the GOAT of this generation with the most wins in F1 history, yet he was robbed of the championship in 2021.

Y/N passes the phone to Lewis.

Lewis: stares at Y/N then laughs “I'm passing the phone to someone who is known more for his memes than driving skills.”

Lewis passes the phone to George.

George: laughs “Hahaha real funny…I'm passing the phone to someone who took six years to get their first win."

Lando: “Dude, what the fuck?! Fuck you, Woody! I'm passing the phone to someone who's younger than me yet acts years older than me.”

Oscar: “....You're not funny... I'm passing the phone to someone who's most likely losing their seat next season.”

Logan: “The fuck, Oscar! I thought we were friends! Low blow, mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has yet to get P1, yet all his friends who got into F1 after him have won races already.”

Alex: “....And that, Logan, is why you're losing your seat. Mr. What The Fuck is A Kilometer. Anyway, I'm passing the phone to someone who just got brutally murdered by an interviewer on Sky Sports regarding their F1 career, if you could call it that.”

Daniel: “You shouldn’t be talking Mr. I Have No Wins….eat shit…I'm passing the phone to the shortest person on the grid but cusses more than anyone here.”

Yuki: “That interviewer was right, why the fuck do you still have a seat in F1?!! Dickhead. I'm passing the phone to a man with good fashion sense and his teammate might steal his seat.”

Zhou: “Bro….really. I'm passing the phone to someone who acts like he's Australian when he’s not…oh, and his seat is at risk too.”

Bottas: “Yeah, yeah, whatever mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has enough penalties in just nine races that he can be banned from racing in F1… permanently.

Kevin: “You're so funny, Bottas, hahaha…ha. I'm passing the phone to a dickhead.”

Nico: “Fuck you too asshole. I'm passing the phone to a person who has a shitty ass dad who deserves to be in jail.”

Max: burst out laughing “Ah, no lies told there. I'm passing the phone to someone who only has a seat to protect me from having any real competition…”

You laugh in the background “Oh shit.”

Checo: blank stare “Motherfucker! That just shows your true colors... I'm passing the phone to... who am I supposed to pass it to... uhhh... Y/N.

Takes phone 

Y/N: “Oh, I know! I'm passing the phone to someone who has sexual assault “allegations” against them, but the FIA wants to hide it. I can’t go near him for my safety, so I’ll just turn the camera towards him... *pans the camera to Christian Horner*

Everyone is stunned and silent, then there’s Lewis laughing in the background 

Y/N: “Oh! I have another one! Hey Kelly, “i hear you like them young”, to be more specific at the ripe age of 17... mhmmm, she's a pedoo. What Kendrick say “TRYNA STRIKE A CORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINNORRRR” *pans the camera to Kelly Piquet*

silence.

Lewis: runs towards Y/N and grabs the camera “Yup, that's enough for today. You're trying to start problems and get people beat up”

Video ends with Lewis taking the phone away from Y/N, shaking his head while laughing.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164 @uhhvictoria @hadidsworld @magixpracticality @exotic-iris13 @tellybearryyyy @zabwlky1999 @sya-skies @lillysbigwilly

@eoduuung

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

*sooooo……that’s the end….LMFAOOOO, again…DO NOT COME FOR ME…ITS JOKES (is it really though)*

�� 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[mrtheinsatiable]

You ever have a food that you want to like, you even think that the flavor could be good, but your body just rejects it so strongly that you can barely eat it

[therealmylesmorales]

Dating Loser!Vi Headcannons

A lot of this was thought about with the homie @ficsonpost-its, kind of a way for us to cope with the ending of Arcane 🙃

And I never cared enough to follow the plot so this is a college!au where everyone is alive and (maybe) happy

Warnings: Vi herself is kind of a warning, masc4masc couple if it matters, maybe suggestive at some parts, some parts with Jayce are inspired by “the blind leading the blind” stuff one tictok

She met you through Ekko. You were his (adoptive, biological wtfever shut up) sister and safe to say, she was borderline obsessed with you. But, she didn’t know how to approach you at first. Her very obvious crush on you was noticed by both Ekko and Jinx so they took it upon themselves to help her out.

To get some extra money, she works at her dad’s bar, The Last Drop. She’s a bouncer and whenever she’s around, people tend to behave themselves. It was a normal night until Vi saw you chatting up a storm to Vander and she immediately started to panic. But it all seemed to go on well, seeing how the night ended with your number in her pocket.

Vi can count all of the friends she has on one hand, one of them being her sister. So safe to say, when she admitted that she somehow has a girlfriend, none of them believed her. Jayce even called her a liar until she pulled up pictures.

Vi was out one day when she bought you both matching boxers. She cherishes them like it’s her most prized possession, next to you and the brass knuckles Vander gave her.

“Vi, what are these?”

”Batman boxers!”

You couldn’t help but match her wide smile. “Why Batman?”

”Cause he’s a fucking goat.”

Vi will full on body slam or suplex you, carefully, on the nearest couch or bed whenever you seem to be minding your business. The first few times caught you by surprise but now, it’s almost a daily occurrence that you look forward to.

Vi’s fashion taste is something you admire; from the ripped jeans to the cropped muscle shirts that she cut herself, you have nothing but good things to say about her clothes. However, in the comfort of her own home, she never wears a shirt. It’s even rare to find her in her sports bra while she’s lounging around.

“It’s nine in the morning, why are your tits out?”

”Are you complaining?”

”Of course not. But Jayce is coming over so he might.”

You can hear her groaning the entire time but she’ll do it.

Speaking of Jayce, it’s never a good idea to leave them alone for too long or else something would happen. Separately, they’re geniuses but together…those brain cells are nonexistent.

“Vi, it’s been fourteen hours, where the hell were you?”

”Oh, I was getting that tattoo I told you about.”

”For fourteen hours?”

”Yeah, Jayce was with me and he thought it was a good idea to get it done in one sitting. He even got something!”

Needless to say, both you, Mel and Viktor always expect something to go wrong with those two. (Have we lost the art of a good poly-ship? Jayce has two hand so just kiss and shut up)

Do not EVER call her Violet, she’ll think you are upset with her and will probably tweak out and cry. The only acceptable names to call her are Vi, obviously, or ‘Pretty Girl.’ You were only a few months into your relationship when you called her that, she spent like 5 minutes in straight silence not really sure how to react; something you did notice was that her face was as red as her hair.

Vi will also lay her complete body weight on top of you when you lay down; it's one of her favorite ways of cuddling. (For my gamer!readers) Especially if you’re playing a game, you will wrap your arms around her with the controller laying on her back. The both of you will stay there for hours.

“Motherfucker.”

”Die again, cupcake?” She muttered into your chest.

“Radahn is ass.”

A little something extra for my black!readers that love Vi 🫶🏾

Say you can’t find your bonnet. You looked all up and down the apartment, pretty much flipping it over but it was still nowhere to be found. And seeing how it was your favorite, you were a little upset that it was gone. Until Vi came out of the bathroom, said bonnet on her head, giving you a small smile, completely unaware of what she was doing.

[lost-romantique]

Come back to me badass Blitz that made half the fanbase find you severely attractive with just one scene...

Now who wants some quality time with daddy?

Daddy's fancy footwork. Hnnngh... 😩

Then again, there's something extremely alluring about chaotic gremlin Blitz...

Something extremely cute about the way he's running from danger, but he makes sure to retrieve both his gun, and give his little goat friend a pat on the head.

I wanna be that goat so bad- WAIT WHO SAID THAT!

That hop step and LEAP away from danger... and then the lizard climb

How dare this motherfucker go through the worse Breakup of his life and get his ass handed to him in the worse of ways in Apology Tour, only to still have enough resilience left over to give a smile that can melt anyone's heart...

Say what you want about this asshole motherfucker, lizard thing, but there's something really impressive about how he's able to bounce back.

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

You're the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 29

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

❤ Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

All OC Characters belong to me

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Character List

TBH! At this point, this is a joint collab with @paigereeder 😭. GOAT!

Thursday, September 2nd 2021 

Airielle’s peaceful slumber was interrupted by her phone ringing. Groaning, she snatched her phone off the floor next to her and squinted at the screen to see who was calling her. “Oh my god.” She muttered before accepting the call. 

“Hello?” 

“Why in the fuck didn’t you tell me Christopher popped the fuck back up. I knew I should’ve killed that motherfucker when I had the chance.” Her older brother Isaiah seethed over the phone and Airielle sighed closing her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Airielle!” He shouted into the phone when she didn’t respond. 

“Because I had it under control.” Airielle looked behind her as Josh started to shift in his sleep, sighing she threw the covers off of her and walked into the living room to finish her conversation. 

“Uh-huh, sure you do. He broke into your spot -” 

“And I moved, problem solved.” She shrugged, eyes glancing around the living room just taking in how much he had actually gotten rid of. “Shouldn’t you be working?” 

Isaiah snorted. “I took the day off.” 

“Hmm,” Airielle hummed. “And that’s why you’ll never be Dad’s favorite” 

“Eat my - “ Airielle hung up before her brother could finish his statement. Rolling her eyes she threw her phone on the island. She looked up when she heard Josh shuffling into the living room. 

“Everything Aight?” Josh mumbled as he walked closer to Airielle and kissed her cheek. 

“Yeah, my brother being a pain in my ass.” She replied, rolling her eyes when he chuckled. “What you got going on today?” 

“Nothing. I gotta do some laundry and gotta pack. Got Smackdown and the House show this weekend.” 

“You wanna go get some breakfast first?” She asked, tapping the screen on her phone to see what time it was. “I’m kinda craving waffles.” 

“You already know the answer to that.” Airielle rolled her eyes with a smile as she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his chest. 

“Can you believe it’s about to be a year since we met?”  It's crazy to think about all the ups and downs they went through in a year! If she could go back and change anything it would definitely be breaking up with him after he asked her to move in with him. That would have saved them months of heartbreak. 

“You wanna hear somethin’ wild?” He waited until she lifted her head from his chest to continue. “That wasn’t the first time we actually met.” 

Airielle furrowed her eyebrows together and tilted her head a little. 

“Huh?” 

“We actually met back in 2019. Me and twin had a meeting with Hunter, down at the PC and I saw you there. I mean I was looking, respectfully, but I was still looking.” He laughed when Airielle rolled her eyes again.  “Hunter told us he was taking us off TV after Jon’s latest arrest but he still had - 

“Y’all cut a promo for us.” She whispered as the memory of their first meeting came rushing back. “I remember y’all looking so pissed but still came and cut like one the best promos I ever heard.” 

“Mmhmm.” Josh hummed while nodding his head. “I remember trying to come talk to you, but you weren’t even trying to give ya boy the time of day. I mean I understand why now but shit, back then I thought you were like this stuck up bi-” He stopped himself when she narrowed her eyes at him. He cleared his throat. “You know what I mean.” 

“I mean I was a bitch to you when I came to the main roster.”  Josh nodded his head in agreement and Airielle sucked her teeth, pulling away from him. 

“What? you said it, not me.”  Just as she went to smartass him, his stomach released the loudest grumble she had ever heard. They both stared at each other before bursting into a fit of laughter. “You the one who brought up waffles, I mean you already know how I get down.” Airielle sucked her teeth and pushed him away from her before walking back towards his room so she could grab her clothes to shower. 

“I feel like they just need to go ahead and sponsor your greedy ass Uce.” She chuckled, her back to him as she shuffled through her bag looking for something to wear to breakfast. She stood up straight and gasped as she turned and bumped into Josh. 

“Whatchu’ just call me?”  Airielle bit her lip to stop herself from smiling at the look he was giving her. “Airielle, stop playing with me.” 

“You wanna go get waffles or not?”  Josh tilted his head as he stared at her. He was really contemplating on not going to the Waffle House with her because who the fuck did she think he was. Uce, had she lost her damn mind? He wasn’t her damn Uce. He went to tell her that they weren't going to breakfast but his stomach growled again making her smile. “That’s what I thought.” 

AirielleJones

liked by trinity_fatu, c_smith and 200,000 others

AirielleJones: Me and UCE out to eat! ❤️🤭

view all comments:

uceyjucey: you still playing huh?

↪ AirielleJones: @ uceyjucey; love you too UCE 😘

trinity_fatu: HAHA!!

“You gon glare at me throughout breakfast or what?”  Airielle asked him as the waitress walked away to put in their orders. “Why can’t I call you Uce?” She pouted. 

“Cause I don’t fuck my family Airielle.” 

“Boy –” 

“Oh my god. Look at you! You’ve gotten so big.” A new voice interrupted their conversation. Both Airielle and Josh both turned towards the new voice. Josh narrowed his eyes as he looked at the woman. She was older than both of them, with dark brown skin; for some reason, her facial features reminded him of Airielle. Josh turned to look at Airielle to ask if she knew who the hell this lady was but he stopped short once he saw the look on Airie’s face. He had only seen that look one time before. 

A couple weeks before she broke up with him she had this same look when he had tried to initiate sex but she wasn’t in the mood for it. That’s the same day he found out Christopher used to force her to have sex with him. He remembers her telling him that her old therapist called it dissociating. Josh immediately stood up and stepped in front of this lady, blocking Airielle, who was still sitting in the booth, from her view. 

“You good?” Josh asked the woman, straightening his shoulders so he was standing at full height. 

“Are you her bodyguard or something?” Another voice piped up from behind the older women and Josh definitely knew that they had to be related to Airielle in some sort of fashion because this girl and Airielle could pass off as twins. 

“Yup. Now answer my question, Y’all good?”  

“You must be Joshua.” The older woman said. Holding her hand out to him. “I’m Abigail and this is my daughter Janelle.” 

“Cool, y’all can leave now.” He said eyeing her hand with disgust. Whoever this woman was made Airielle uncomfortable and he wanted her away from them ASAP. Abigail’s hand hung in the air awkwardly for a moment before she withdrew it and cleared her throat, forcing a smile on her face. 

“Airielle please tell this man that I am your mother and I just want to talk to you.” Josh’s eyebrows shot up at the news. “Please solèy –” 

“Don’t call me that,” Airielle spoke up. “You have no right to call me that.” Airielle stood up from the booth and grabbed Josh’s hand. “I want to leave.” Josh nodded his head immediately. Breakfast forgotten, he ushered Airielle back to his car. 

“You okay?” Josh asked as he pulled out of The Waffle House parking lot. 

“No,” Airielle said. “Pull over.” As soon as the car came to a stop, Airielle threw open the passenger door and threw up nothing but stomach acid. “Fuck!” she cried out. 

Josh handed her a bottle of water and she thanked him, swishing it around in her mouth before spitting it out.  “That was–” 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t gotta talk about it.” 

“I know.” Airielle smiled and grabbed his hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb. “But I wanna be more open and honest with you.” Josh bit his lip and nodded. “That was my birth mom and her daughter I guess.” 

“Y’all not close. I take it.” 

“Nah,” Airielle shook her head. “She left when – well right after she gave birth to me. She never wanted me, never wanted a daughter, but I see a lot has changed in the past thirty years. I remember growing up, she would always send my brother’s gifts and cards on their birthdays but never mine. I didn’t really care because I didn’t remember her anyway. But um- one day I was just curious as to why she seemed to ignore my existence so I got her address off of one of the packages she sent my brothers and wrote her a letter.” 

Airielle quickly wiped away her tears. She hated crying over this woman. Josh squeezed Airielle’s hand gently. “She wrote me back. Which kinda shocked me but I was happy that she did. I was thinking she was just gonna tell me that she was just feelin' guilty about leaving me but, she said the complete opposite. She wrote me 4 pages, front and back, telling about how many times she unsuccessfully tried to abort me. How she tried to give me up for adoption without my father knowing. How she had a plan to tell my dad that I had died during childbirth.” 

Josh’s jaw was damn near on the floor as he listened to Airielle. No wonder she’s so emotionally challenged  He thought. 

“She blamed me for the fact that she couldn’t see her boys grow up, she blamed me because my dad chose to raise me instead of be with her. The final thing she wrote to me was, I wish you would have died. Do not contact me again. So I didn’t, I ripped the letter up and burned it. Never told my dad or my brothers about it and obviously neither did she.” 

“What the fuck.” Josh whispered, his hand tightened into a fist on his thigh. Abigail or whatever her name is better than her lucky stars that Josh didn’t put his hands on women. 

“Yeah I mean, I just wanted my mom, but she didn’t want me..” Airielle shrugged as she tried to stop the tears but it was too much. She had pushed Abigail and her hurtful words into the back of her mind in the folder with Chris and her unborn baby. Seeing her today just opened up a wound that Airielle thought had semi-healed. 

Josh pushed his seat back and pulled her over the center console so she could sit in his lap. He held her tightly as she cried into his shoulder. Josh gently stroked her back, his voice low and soothing. “It’s alright. I’m right here, okay? We gon’ get through this.”

As her crying eased, Josh kept her close, feeling her heart slow against his. He didn’t let go, knowing she needed this more than anything. He wasn’t just comforting her; he was vowing to stand up for her in every way he could.

Whew.. Miss Abigail is a trip!

What do y'all think about this chapter??

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Abigail Noelle Roy

Janelle Noelle Roy

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[highfantasy-soul]

omg this tension with Evan and his character arc this season is sooo juicy!!!!

spoilers for episode 9 of mismag season 2

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

At some point, the tension is going to break and I really really hope the entire pilot program sits Evan on his ass and, since he's so concerned about people being plain with their speech, gives it to him like it is. How he's being so SHIT to his friends and at every opportunity spitting in their faces and calling them liars.

My jaw was on the GROUND when they went back to piss-berg and he accused the Quoli (spelling - who knows spelling??) of being purposefully obtuse about why he gave Evan the book and what his sad expression meant. Evan took it as "Evan's life will permanently be so sad and pathetic" and when confronted, the Quoli explained that wasn't the reason, Evan wanted answers and the book has what Evan had wanted when last he came to the island - but the whole reason the Quoli looked sad was inappropriate to tell Evan.

Like, the Quoli straight up said 'Evan, your emotional healing and self-realization has got to come from you - you can't get that shit handed to you by an outside force' and Evan threw a little tantrum.

What really made my jaw drop was when in response to Evan claiming the Quoli thought his life was all super sad and pathetic, the Quoli LOOKED TO THE OTHERS to ask if they thought Evan's depiction of his life was accurate. The others staunchly and firmly said 'no, we don't see Evan's life as just a sad, pathetic never ending cycle of depression - that's not who he is' - the Quoli looked to Evan and asked 'Do you really need ME to explain to you what your friends already know? (and just told you) or do you trust that with more time, you'll understand it for yourself?' (again, telling him - yo, you can't fast track emotional healing, but you got a whole ass support system here for you. To quote Bo Burnham: the love has got to come from YOU)

And EVAN'S RESPONSE WAS: "I don't like you. There could be clarity here and there's not. I'm not sure if that's your fault or just the nature of the world but either way, I don't have to be in a good mood about the imposition of mystery on someone who's just looking for answers."

My jaw DROPPED

Evan just heard his friends give clear and direct answers to the question he was asking and he TOLD THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP - THEIR THOUGHTS MEAN NOTHING, THEY DON'T KNOW SHIT AND HE WANTS A GOAT TO TELL HIM WHAT TO FEEL!!!!!!

He's claiming there's mystery and a lack of clarity but EVAN IS THE ONLY ONE OBSCURING HIS VISION!!!!

You can bring a horse to water but you for sure can't make him listen to his friends when they tell him point blank the answer to his question!

If I was Jammer, I wouldn't have just asked Evan if he was ready to go, I would have grabbed that motherfucker by the collar and drug his ass out of there and he'd be getting the cold shoulder for A WHILE

I really hope that's where his character arc is going because I get heated every time Evan insists his friends are shit and liars and 'no, no, they don't understand, I'm the most specialist boy in the whole wide world and my sadness is everything that defines and and I'm going to pretend to hate it, but every time my friends counter it, I'll ignore them and tell them they're stupid liars and retreat back into my comfortable sad boi aura that makes me feel special.'

Like, at some point, something's gotta break, right? I know K has the most to lay out for Evan in that department, but I kinda hope Jammer is right there with them because I don't think Evan will listen to K at all - he'll dismiss her as just a jilted lover who's opinion is the least among the group.

I know it's an improv show and there's no guarantee everything will pay off, but I think it'll be really good if they're able to fit it in.

---

Obviously, this isn't me dogging on Brennan and his choices while playing the game - it's a very VERY compelling and realistic look at the difficult healing journey that people who have gone through (or gone through similar) what Evan has might take.

What I will say though, on a serious note, is that if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who behaves the way Evan does, take care of yourself. Just because they've suffered unimaginable trauma doesn't mean it's ok for them to abuse you. Even if that abuse stems from their trauma, you do not have to accept being treated like that.

You cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You cannot force them to drink the tonic you offer them, accept the help you give, or believe what reassurances you give them.

You cannot tell them how to view themselves - even if you think it's helping them see themselves how you believe they truly are. The belief HAS to come from them, you can't do their emotional labor for them (though many will try to make you and then have you blame yourself when it doesn't work).

Of course leave room for love and meeting people where they are, but trauma does not excuse abuse - you are not a bad person for stepping away from someone who is hurting you even if they're hurting, too.

[kissitbttr]

So like what’s frat!miguel and the rest of the boys’ reactions to the Kendrick and Drake beef. Cause fuck Drake ofc.

FUCK DRAKE INDEEEEDDD🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

“oh god here we go” gloria sighs exasperatedly, throwing her head back while groaning as muñeca giggles,

“drake is fucking. cooked! yall seeing this shit right?!” carlos points his phone with a finger as he all but wide eyed,

“man i know! certified lover boy certified pedophile?? jesus he’s out for blood!”

“can’t disagree with the man. drake’s been weird since 2015. icky bro”

“remember when he tried to make a move on my girl riri?” carlos asks as if it truly what happened. “ticked him off the box”

“they did date, idiot” chang corrects, “and weren’t you the one who had his album needed to be played for every weekly party we have on?”

“i’m a changed man!” carlos exclaims. “he is sooo lucky he’s not making a move on my babe though—or imma need to beat his ass”

“who?”

“sza, chang! damn it bro, keep up!”

the boys all gathered in the living room, muttering bunch of ‘drake is a piece of shit’ and how ‘kendrick is the goat’ to each other,

“motherfucker really has another kid?? a daughter?! bro what the fuck!”

“man really took the cum and dump too literally”

“i don’t think anyone says that, mayback”

“didn’t he try to flirt with the kid from stranger things?”

a collective of ‘ews’ and gasps filling in the room as they all beginning to get intrigued. carlos even props himself on the stomach and legs kicking up in the air as he watches his frat brother explains the timeline,

it’s like watching girls gossiping at a sleepover

“i don’t see your man joining in” gloria nudges your side who’s munching away on your banana bread. “sucks because i’d love to see him act like a childish. grown up!” gloria speaks the two last words a bit louder so beck could hear,

yet the man only spares a quick glance at his girlfriend and sends a wink,

“jesus” her head shaking in disbelief. “I’m surprised o’hara is the one with a brain”

you disagree by putting a hand on hers, “don’t speak too soon. he’ll be here any second—“

“HAVE YOU ALL. HEARD. MEET THE GRAHAMS?”

a familiar booming voice coming from upstairs, and both of your eyes are quick to look up. seeing it’s miguel with a towel wrapped around his hips and hair wet with a large smile across his face.

you’ve never seen him look so cute.

“now” finishing off your previous sentence as your eyes refuse to leave his while giggling when he nearly trips down the stairs,

“children. all of them” gloria rolls her eyes, sipping on her drink as she glares at beck,

“oh come onnn, they’re happy” you try to change her mind but she simply just glares you too,

the boys cheer at miguel and wave at him to come huddle, wanting him to join all the hip hop gossip that’s been taking a toll on internet.

but not before he runs towards you first,

miguel basically sprints to you, grinning from ear to ear “hiiii mi amor” he squeals before stealing a kiss off your lips, hand gripping on the towel to secure his lower body,

a frown painted across your features. “are you not wearing an underwear or something?”

“i am” he says. “what, does it not look like i am?”

“kind of. i could see the print”

“shit my bad—guess it’s too big” he shrugs, saying it too casually that earns him a look of disapproval from you. one that says ‘i hope you’re not saying that shit in front of girls’ “kidding baby, kidding—hi gloria”

“put some clothes on dumbass”

“damn, i’m doing well, thanks for asking.”

“yeah yeah” she waves him off, not paying anymore attention to your man,

“you seem happy” a comment you drop soon as the grin on his face isn’t washing off,

“of course! drake is getting his ass dragged. who’s not happy?”

“just that?”

“just that” he confirms, grabbing an apple from the counter. “me and the boys were talking about it during class. apparently they all agreed with what i had in mind”

“oh? and that is?” you find this so amusing, you have to indulge,

“drake is a piece of shit!” he yells with a mouthful of an apple, earning another cheer from his brothers. “had his song on repeat during class, practice, work—kendrick’s insane”

“tell your man that he’s exaggerating. why is he participating on this damn beef” gloria mentions, “idiot”

“your man is in it too!” miguel defends,

“then you’re both idiots! he hasn’t shut up ever since euphoria dropped! can’t even suck his dick without him mumbling the lyrics non-stop”

miguel furrows, glancing at beck for a second before moving back to look at gloria. “okay that’s weird—you’re staying tonight, muñeca?”

head shaking, you almost feel bad at the deflated look on his face. “can’t baby—i’ll sleep over on a thursday, okay?”

“but whyyy” he whines, unbeknownst to gloria wincing in disgust before she moves away from the two of you. “you never say no”

“finals week, handsome” you move a piece of dampen hair that clings against his forehead. “i have to study and i’m tutoring too now, remember?”

“why can’t you study here then?” he moves closer to you. “in my room—together”

“miguel it’s for my english lit class, not sex ed” you roll your eyes. “you have me any other day, aren’t you bored?”

“blasphemy—again” he disagrees. “i get bored without you” a pout form on his lips in which you admit looking awfully cute that you almost cave in. “plus what am i supposed to hump? my pillow? i need sex! with you!”

you grimace. “you need a therapy, miggy”

[writer-of-the-lamb]

unholy alliance.

lamb : before you scream-

narinder : lamb.

lamb : i said before you scre-

narinder : how have you done that.

lamb, sweating : i don't know, i just, like, sneezed and-

narinder : oh, god, please remove it. i dislike its eyes. very much.

lamb : motherfucker i'm trying, i-

goat : h̷̡̞͓̤͙͗̂̉̀͝ḙ̷̡͇̯́͌͋̉̓ͅḷ̴̭̣̼̣̐̃͊͠͝ḽ̵̢̨̞̣̂̌̽̈́̕o̵̺̯̣͍̯͗̎̐͊́

lamb : OH MY GOD-

narinder : *HISSES*

goat : w̸̞̭͈͕͉͗̀͊̑͝h̵͎͈̬̻̩͛͆͒̂͝ÿ̵̭͖̲̹̹͛͗͛̽ ̷̞͕͉̹̦͛͊͑̎͘ḧ̸̢̛̦̦̟̬͑̍́ă̸̻̟̺̙̂́͂̓ͅv̸̢̰͚̳͒̆̽͌̀͜ę̶̣͈̪̱̆̅̆̈́͘ ̴̜̖͚̠̜͐̈͆̊̕ỳ̵̬̖̟͓̹̌͑͋̕ǫ̴̰͕̬͛͑̈̌̔ͅu̵̢̡̖͉̮̍͆̓̏͘ ̷̨̛̞̼̪̜̉́̒͊b̴͔͈̳͕̰̄̆̋̄͊r̵̢̛̭̗͖͎͗̈́̊̚ǫ̷̖̺̲̘̍̈́́̀͛u̵̩͚̞̺͒̐̂͜͝͠g̸̞̘͍͍̑͋̆̚͘ͅḩ̵͓̲̻̬͑̔͌̏̊ẗ̵̝͓͓̲̱͌͋̀̓ ̵̪͚̭̜̱͑̉̉̕̚m̸̧̗͚̪̪̽̑̍̚͝ě̶̟̗̰͚̘́̐̂̀ ̷̡͓͇̭͓͊̈́̿̈͠h̴̢̬̩͉̍̉͊̏̄͜e̷̡̛͙͚̪͆͑̉̂͜r̷̮̭͙̮̫̊̀͌̾͐ȩ̷͕̠̥͙́̓͐̈́͛.̶̨̖̖̣̼́̏̃̆͝

lamb : WHAT'S IT SAYING

narinder : W- I CANNOT SPEAK RUNE?

lamb : YOU SAID YOU WERE FLUENT

narinder : THAT WAS A SLIGHT EXAGGERATION ON MY BEHALF AND FOR THAT I APOLOGISE.

goat : i̸̺̰͔̪͉͐̉̓̈́͠ ̶̡̛̮̱̯̲̀͂́̈́f̵̼̥̲̗͊̎̀̓̚͜e̴̙̩̫̫̼̓̉̒͆̌ę̴̞̭̼̠̊͂̀̏̾l̷̪̦͍̪̙̓̽̆̍̋ ̴̺̳̮̼̟̉͒̃̈́̓b̶͎͉̫̦̜̈́̋͊̀͑l̸̲͖̪̝̝̄͛̍̚͝ǒ̸̟͍̖͍͈̐͌͒͝ò̴̜͉͓̮̒̍̑͜͠d̸͎̳̗͓̈́͂̔̔͊͜.̷̡̡͈̟̪̀̀̔̐͝ ̷̛̞̗̘̫͐̀̄̚ͅĩ̸̡͖͇̲̗̿̾̀̀ ̶͙̭͔̦̝̉́̑͆̍f̵̛̙̼̬̤̈́͊̽̈́ͅȇ̴̢͓͖͇̌̊̚͜͠e̶̪͕͍̬̲͒̑̋̔͠l̷̟̥̪̦̞͆̍̀̓̄ ̷̣̠͈̘̭̓̄̈̓̕d̷͔̙̝̺͍̽̃͘̚̕e̶̢̬̩̤̦͌͌̔͂͠v̸̤̪̼̜̦̀̉̈͌̄o̶̬͔̝̦͖̅̎̈̐͝t̷̪̼̲̟͈̀͂̊̕͝i̵̛̼͓͎̤̱̿͊͗̇ơ̶̢̜̱̯̹̋̀̿̓n̷̡̧͙͖̜̎͒̇̆̿.̷̢̖̪̟̲̈̈́̀͒̀

lamb, yanking the red crown off his head and shaking it : PLEASE BUDDY DO SOMETHING OH MY GOD

narinder, backing against the wall : NEVER HAVE I FELT THE NEED FOR A CRUCIFIX, YET HERE I AM.

lamb : YOU BLASPHEMOUS CHEATER-

goat : i̸̻͇̲̭̭̋̃́͒͠ ̶̪̺͕̯͔̾̆́̌̈́ç̸̱͚͓̺̃̔̓́̽õ̸͍̟̳͉̖̓͌̏͂m̸̨̛̦͎̳͔̓͂̑́e̸̛̠̰̘͉͙̓̈́͑̌ ̷̺̺̱͔͈̒̂̒͘͘i̶͍̘̩͕̲̓̊͆̽͠ń̴̜͖̜̫̗̇͆́̕ ̶̳͎̻̺͙͂̒͌̌̚p̸̡̲̲̯̗̑̈́́͑͠ę̸̨̗̺̝͆̄͌͛͘a̵̗̬̼͙͕̋̈̽̈́́c̸̖͙̱͉͓͆́͒͋̕ȅ̸͙͔̞̟̖͛͐̔̄ ̸̡̖̖̬̠̽̑̂̌̕f̵̩͖͉͓͍̒́̂̒̽ǒ̶̲̩̩̲̲̓̑̅͌r̶̡̨̫̰͍̂̅̚͝͝ ̶̤̠͓̗͕̆̅̄́̕c̷͕̬͇̞̦͐̀͛͝͠h̷̲̲̯̺̝̍̀̑̈̄ẫ̶̞͉͓̹̦͑̒͝o̵̢͕̥͚̬̓̄͂̊͐s̷͙̱̞̳̪̅̌́̈́̎.̶̹͎̥̼̌͌̓̋͝ͅ

lamb, waving his hands : EW MY GOD, STOP TALKING STOP TALKING STOP TALKING STO-

goat, summoning the purple crown from atop his head : t̴̢̳̟̲͚̉͆̄͘͘a̵̖͚̗̦̳̒̑̂͘͠-̶̥̦̞̞̜̌̈͐̽͐ḋ̶̡̛̺͇͙̞͊͐̊a̶̭̞̘̲̤̽̄̌͘̚

narinder : ....impossible....how- where? how could you possess...lamb, i strongly advise you to undo what has been brought here. this creature is not from our domain...or our dimension. our astral plane rejects its very being, i-

lamb, hands on hips : *gasp* now how'd your silly ass get shamura's crown!

narinder :

lamb : cheeky little pickpocket, aren't ya!

goat, grinning : ì̸̫̟̺̮̺̓̽̈́̓ ̶̢̝͕͓͚̅͑̃̀͠d̸̛͇̤̖̝̝͒́͛̒ą̸̞͍͈̥̄̔̈́̉͝ḅ̸̧̳̪͔̅̀͐̽͋b̷̨̛͖̜̲̣̌̅̍̀l̵̞̮̗̝͙͐̆̌̑̚e̷̗͙̻̓̈́̄̽̒ͅͅ ̶̖̭̘͙̝̀͗͂̚͠î̴̢͕͍̹̃̾͝͠ͅǹ̵̮͚̠͙̙͌̀͆̕ ̶̡̲͕͖̊͋͗̀̃͜t̴͕̯̫̒̄͊͗͜͜͠h̸̯̘͇͔̙͋͗̈̇͂ę̶̗̜̖̺̌̾̈̋͝ ̷̝̤͙̱͑̆̉̊́ͅā̴̢̡͎̜͙͗̓̒͆r̶̢̜͖͔̱̿̈́͊͗͝t̷͉͕͔̪͍̽̋̃̀͌

lamb : uh-huh! we'll work that one out later!

[residenthughes]

bottomless brunch & shitty one-liners

pairing: leon kennedy x gender neutral reader

word count: 959 😔

tags/warnings: fluff, domestic fluff, crack, reader is just a drunk horny bastard :)

summary: 2 hours. thirteen cocktails and a whole lot of chaos.

notes: ...hey 😭 i know i said i wouldn't be posting/maybe not posting but i was looking through my fic ideas and this happened. whoopsies! 🤭 honestly, this was just a silly idea i had because i came across a video of all the one-liners leon says in re4, which are very much present in this.

forgot to mention, there's biting...again 😭 i don't know what it is, but the urge to bite leon is quite real and that reflects in my fics 😁 hope y'all enjoy :)

You’re drunk, disgustingly so. Bottomless brunch is always a good way to spend time with your dearest, spilling intimate talk amidst intoxicated giggles and basking in the foreverness of formed friendships. However, they do not come without consequence - that being you an absolute state in front of Leon. Your dutiful long-time partner, ever so sweet as he spared the precious time he has off from his missions to pick you up from the wild affair - thirteen cocktails deep - sheepishly greeting your friends that holler sexual innuendos as he helps you into the car. He does it anyway, because he loves you. He loves you, he really does - but you’re chatting out of your ass right now. 

“You know, considering how you move around the house, you must be the GOAT at what you do,” you mumble, smushing your face into the pillow as you cause nothing but a ruckus as you discard your additional pieces of clothing on the bed. 

Sat on the bedroom bench, Leon shrugs his boots off, glancing over his shoulder at the mess you are. Stupidly drunk and struggling to shimmy off your jeans. Cute. “Oh, baby.”

“Those one-liners though…that’s a different story.”

The sweet moment is all but gone. “Gee, thanks honey.”

Despite the fact that there’s not a thought behind your eyes, you smile at his sarcasm. Snickering to yourself as you shimmy the last part of your jeans off before they’re lazily discarded onto the floor. You’ll (Leon will) pick it up later. “Honestly! Bet you’re the type of motherfucker to be confronted with unbelievable atrocities, only to say, it’s my lucky day or something.”

Leon huffs in amusement. He’s definitely said that before.

“Go on,” he decides to entertain your teasing, stripping himself of the leather jacket you went on and on about in the car looking so good on him. “What other one-liners do you think I say?”

You give a thoughtful hum, touching your chin as you lay back against the comfort of your shared bed. The time you take to answer has Leon taking a look back at you, questioning if you’d fallen into a drunken slumber, like a drunk middle aged uncle passed out on the couch, only to see your face flash as an idea pops into your head.

“Oh, how about something like, time for the teacher to be taught?”

It’s scary how well you know Leon. His most recent mission had him spewing the exact same words. It gives him goosebumps. “You sure you’re not reading my reports when I’m not looking?”

You giggle. “Just know how cheesy you can be, hon.”

“Now you’re just making fun of me.”

The laughter that erupts from you is unstoppable, so much so that you’re clenching your stomach and kicking your feet in the air. Leon can be so funny, so funny. You’re lucky to have him, you think.

Once you wipe your tears of laughter, you’re bringing yourself to sit upwards. Slowly, of course. Wouldn’t want to be sick all over the bed. Again. You move towards where Leon rests against the bedroom bench, draping your arms around his waist and you rest your cheek against his shoulder. “I kid, I kid. You know I love you.”

“Judging by what you’ve just said in the past two minutes, I’m not too sure.” He says, but he doesn’t mean it. He’s amused, if anything. You can tell by his amused smile and the playful raise of his eyebrows.

Your eyes skim over his features, carved to perfection and all yours. 

You hug him just a bit tighter.

“Come on,” you nudge him, all playful in his ear as you coax him to look your way. He does, smoulder melting into his features as he gazes at you with a fondness that’s all for you. You feel restless. Must be the alcohol kicking in. “There’s that pretty smile, handsome.”

“Handsome, huh?” 

You don’t know what it is, but the simple echo of your words coming from him sets you off, sending you on a collision course towards the ever so sinful and lustful domain.

“Extremely so,” you bat your eyelashes and nudge him again. “Come on, handsome. Look this way.”

He looks at you. His face on full display and you take your chance, kissing the edge of his lips before you misaim and bite down on his jaw. “What is with you?”

Leon’s chuckling as you kiss the bitten territory, kissing up and down his face in sweet apologies. Leon doesn’t miss when you bite down on his chin amidst the mess of kisses you leave.

“Can’t help it,” you murmur lazily, cheek pressed against his shoulder. “Too sexy - even your goddamn chin. Make it make sense.”

“Can’t believe that meme about your partner going out to bottomless brunch, only to come back a horny bastard is true.” Leon talks to himself but you perk up anyways, glimmer in your eyes.

“You saw the memes I sent you?”

“‘Course I did,” Leon answers, placing a brief kiss against your temple. You relax into his touch. “I do other things besides say shitty one-liners on my missions.”

You smile, ever so grateful for the place Leon holds in your life. You couldn’t imagine it any other way. “How romantic.”

“Only for you, baby.”

You hum against the exposed skin of his shoulder, peering up at the man with a devious glimmer in your eyes. Leon can’t help but shake his head as he airs out a small chuckle. 

“So, about the meme,” you wiggle your eyebrows, pressing your body up against Leon’s wide back, grin as mischievous as ever. “How about we put it to practise?”

And you do, making another mess of your sheets this time around. 

[toothfa-1-ry]

JUST FATHER ACTIVITIES

Imagine in an alternative universe, somehow you and your baby daddy Thanos escape the games (don't ask me how) and you guys pay off all of your debts and have financial stability

Basically father! Thanos headcannons!!

First of all, thanos is a girl dad. Idc i do not make the rules you CANNOT and WILL not change my mind otherwise

After the games, irrelevant of whether you were also in the games with him or not, he'd quit his drug addiction and go to a rehabilitation for the sake of your daughter

You couldn't change him, but atleast your daughter could

Thanos would go with you to the gynae every single time without fail, he'd brag about it (very loudly) though

"Look" thanos points at all the patients in the waiting room in the gynae clinic "how many women do you see with their husband's accompanying them?"

"Thanos shut the fuck up" you'd hiss at him, while hitting his arm. The women around you guys giving you the stink eye which he proudly gave back

"I'm just saying the truth- is it a sin to speak the truth?!?"

Will brag to the doctor and nurses too

"Say doctor miss" he leans back at his chair with his head held up high "how many husband's accompany their wives to the clinic?"

"Oh well that depends, not all the time-"

*insert thanos's loud proud laugh, his head thrown back while you grimace*

"I'm the fucking best aren't i"

*insert your slow head shaking* "Yes babe, you sure are"

He was always protective of you, but it grew even stronger after he found out you were pregnant

The type to protect you from a pigeon if he felt like it looked at you for a second too long

"Wtf are you looking at you cross eyed motherfucker"

*glares at the pigeon from a distance"

The type of person to hyper fixated on whatever small movement you do cause he's doesn't want you to get hurt

"Oh be careful be careful" *Holds your hand* "hold my hand and dont let go, use your other hand on the railing"

Says that he doesn't need to read or watch those "pregnancy classes" or "how to take care of a new born" classes cause he's already fully prepared

You later find out that he signed up for one of those seminars online and attends those lectures at night while your asleep

Bro probably has even stronger baby fever than you do

Buys things for the baby and you

"Thanos.. what's that in your hand"

"It's a costume, a ironman costume"

"For?"

"Our daughter 🙄 duh y/n"

"Babe, she still isn't even born"

"I got you a costume too" *takes out a black widow costume that seemed a little too racey* "you should try wearing it now just incase-"

*he got hit by you*

Let's say nam gyu wasn't the slimy bitch he was in the series

Best GODFATHER ever. GOATED godfather, S TIER godfather

I already mentioned this but I'm sure Thanos and nam gyu would come up with names for the baby

I'm talking wack ass names that they genuinely find cool

The list of names would include marvel character names (cause cmon, the child's dad is literally called thanos) or rapper names

"Add cardi b on the list too"

"You know that's not her real name right?" Nam gyu asked, pausing before quickly scribbling the name down

"WHAT?!? Since when??"

I'm sure nam gyu even accompanied the two of you to the clinic atleast once or twice

He was banned from coming though cause him and Thanos together made too much noise

Whenever you and thanos are in public, it doesn't matter if your in a cafe or restaurant or if your just out for a walk

If he meets anyone and i mean anyone

He'd tell them that he was gonna be a dad

"Hey do you know that I'm gonna be a dad?" *points at you* "and that's the mom- she's carrying my baby"

"Sir I'm the waiter"

On the softer note though

Kisses you on the lips first and then kisses your stomach second before you both go to sleep

If you groan or even if he senses a inch of your discomfort he'll automatically try to figure out a way to make you feel in ease

Tries his best not to annoy you

(It doesn't always work cause being annoying is his entire personality trait but it's the effort that counts!!)

Ties your shoelaces for you cause you can't bend over

Traces shapes over your stomach while you both lie next to eachother

Reminds you how pretty you are everyday

"If I'm the legend Thanos, then I guess you would be a myth, cause only a face like yours could make a man like me want to quit"

"Your so corny"

But you wouldn't have it any other way

[espace--positif]

A Dragon Age Newbie's First Impressions of Inquisition Companions [Part 1/?]

SO. I've acquired ye olde Dragon Age brainrot after completing Veilguard and starting Inquisition. I have a lot of Thoughts and Ideas TM about both games, so while I decide whether I should make a separate blog for DA, enjoy this messy post on my first impressions of all the Inquisition companions. I also wanna be able to look back at this and see whether my judgments were right or wrong lmao. Yes this is what I'm doing instead of writing fics.

Spoilers for... I don't know where I'm at in Inquisition man. I just got to Skyhold and did a few missions. And MAJOR DAV spoilers, probably. Under the cut.

Cassandra

CASSANDRA PENTAGHAST THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE.

she honestly grew on me a lot. I knew I wanted to like her from like, the opening scene. she just exudes intensity, and you can immediately tell that she cares. she, however did not like my Lavellan one bit, and disapproved of every single choice I made for a while 😭

early game Cassandra whenever Lavellan breathed:

but she honestly feels like the realest, and maybe most good-hearted character in all of DAI. conflicted, caring, under far too much pressure, and with a cold exterior that isn't just there for the sake of being unapproachable. she second-guesses all of her choices, which I believe is HEALTHY for someone who has that much power.

as I progress through the game and get to know her more, I just end up liking her even more. she also knows how to disagree with you, on small and large things, while keeping an open mind and trying to understand your reasoning - that also encourages me to hear her out. I truly enjoy that about her! her VA is also STELLAR, I just love to hear her talk!!

overall, 10/10 no notes.

Solas

oh you motherfucker.

so DAV Varric (or whoever it was who said this) lied when he said this rat egg man doesn't lie to your face and only lies by omission.

"I know about the fade because of my studies in ancient ruins" "I know about spirits because I befriended them in my dreams"

what if I punched you in the throat? ok but in all honesty. I'm trying to do the Solavellan ting and, well, he's got game. I'll give him that. I was positively shook at the first fade dream thing. they teach you how to rizz up dalish women in those ancient elven ruins? 🤨

speaking of dalish. why is he so mad that Lavellan is dalish LMAO. my ass chose the "proudly dalish" option and he DISAPPROVED. it's not Lavellan's fault that that one dalish clan threw rocks at you when you told them you were fen'harel! damn...

overall? I need to see how badly he betrays her to make a better judgment. will it be worse than the DAV betrayal? probably. will I eat it up? absolutely.

Varric

VARRIC MY GOAT!! THE REALEST MF IN ALL OF THEDAS!!!

I love Varric so much. it obviously helped to play DAV before, so I kinda knew him... for like, 20 minutes, I guess...

anyway, I'm really looking forward to getting to know him some more. as always, he's the only mf who cares how your character is feeling, who bothers to check in on you because everyone just tells you to roll with all the Crazy Shit TM that's happening. everyone keeps asking WHO is the herald of andraste, WHERE is the herald of andraste. no one ever asks HOW is the herald of andraste. except Varric.

he's caring, hilarious, compassionate, but also extremely REAL. cause yeah, Varric, you SHOULD'VE run the other way the moment Cassandra set you free. this breach shit is crazy! but you're literally too good of a man to do that 😭

I also cannot stop laughing at his reaction to Cory being alive. "shit, we stabbed him a bunch, I can't believe he's alive"

Varric continue to be your best real self, I am your biggest cheerleader as you are mine ❤️

Blackwall

ok so Blackwall is great. just a chill dude. super chill actually! however. he's kind of not very helpful at all, is he? "why did the wardens disappear?" "idk. can i join your inquisition?"

you're in luck, we actually take anyone because we're desperate!

but what can he actually do. him being a warden doesn't seem to help very much, because he literally never displays any warden expertise. when Stroud (?) mentions how all the wardens hear the calling now because of mr. Cory, he goes "oh shit yeah me too". and you just forgot to mention it? world's chillest warden, I guess.

I like him! but I just don't know why he's there especially when Iron Bull absolutely clears him when it comes to warrior combat.

anyway thank you Blackwall, very cool!

---

This post has been long enough, so I will make a Part 2 at some point thanks bye!!

[astralmlm]

honestly its time for autistic & adhd trans masc positivity. yall motherfuckers are braver than ANY US marine. binders are the ultimate sensory hell and yall be spending ALL DAY! in a binder! every day! in these sausage casing ass scraps of Evil Polyester. fr yall are the goats youre so strong and sexy for surviving this shit keep it going kings

[benewol]

beat the shit out of them [Vin Jin x Reader]

this work is heavily influenced by @wannaeatramyeon 's works, especially her unhinged reader fic featuring vin!! no warnings, reader can also be considered genderneutral as far as im concerned just a bunch of cussing tbh. hope you enjoy :))

"Vin Jin."

...

"Hey, Vin Jin."

...

"I'm fucking talking to you!"

The next thing he feels is a harsh smack on the back of his head as he quickly catches himself before the chair can tip over.

"The fuck do you want?! Fucking crazy ass bitch," he rubs the now throbbing, sore spot you gave him, face scrunching up as usual.

Dramatic motherfucker.

"If you didn't tint your glasses over so much you wouldn't be getting smacked. You would've seen me preparing to swing, too," you smirk in retaliation, your arms moving from their crossed position to resting next to your sides while you're leaning against his table.

He merely sends you what you think is probably supposed to be a nasty glare and re-positions his legs on that same table, nudging your back with his polished sneakers.

So you continue talking.

"Mary's been trying to gesture for you to leave the classroom without making a commotion, you know."

"Okay, and?"

"Your bff needs you and that's all you can say? Really?" You roll your eyes.

"Can't be so important if it only took you to solve it."

"Fuck off."

"Lol, you first."

"Sure. Tell me why you keep tinting your glasses and I will."

His eyes furrow inquisitively.

"I don't need to do shit. Class is starting soon so you need to move your fat ass soon anyway, might as well do it immediately," his smug smile one of those you'd love to fill with a pile of some of his ridiculous sheets of lyrics crumpled up.

That's a good idea. You're adding that to your list titled 'what would piss vincent the fuck off'.

"Your sense of time is, unsurprisingly, tremendously shit. We have another half an hour left, you moron," you reach out your hand to flick his wide forehead, which he now sees coming and dodges, catching himself before falling yet again.

What a fucking loser, you shake your head and keep yourself from succumbing to laughter.

"Whatever. I'm not showing you shit."

"Come on. I'm sure whatever it is you're blowing it out of proportion," you reach out again to touch his glasses.

He reaches out too. To stop your hand from moving towards his sunglasses. And his grip is not as harsh as you'd expected it to be.

"Stop it. If you see it, I'll have to kill you."

"See what? You're being so ominous. Do you have weird rectangular pupils like goats or what?"

He sputters for a moment.

"That'd be funny."

"The fuck?"

"You could come up with a line like 'my eyes are like those of a goat, yeah, I'm the GOAT'," you press your lips together to stop the laughter from spilling out of your mouth.

That line was good.

He won't tell you that, though, because you were way too close to uncovering the truth.

He huffs, turning his head away from you and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

What he doesn't know is that his oh-so-clever self forgot to re-tint his glasses.

This in turn means the sun's rays hit his lenses so nicely you were able to catch a tiny glimpse of his two grey irises and the resulting pupils in his left eye.

Your breath catches in your throat.

A soft gasp makes his head turn back to you, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"What's that? Pulling a stupid line like that and immediately growing quiet?" He mumbles to mask his alarm.

You hum, and he notices your solemn expression, making him grow apprehensive.

"Weren't you Cheonliang's number one?"

"Still am."

"And Allied's number two?"

"Yeah."

"How come you don't just lose the shades and simply beat the shit out of anyone who comments on your eyes, then?"

He stares at you. Still occasionally having rubbed the wound you'd inflicted on the back of his head, he loosens his arms which were crossed behind it.

Placing them on his thighs, he balls his fists.

"Shut up."

He abruptly stands up and moves towards the door, shaking the table you were leaning against, making you furrow your brows in irritation.

Typical.

At least you'll know where to find him.

If things don't go his way, he'll just lock himself in the boys' bathroom and listen to one of Duke's albums.

You don't intend letting him flee the scene this time, though.

"Don't you dare run away now."

He doesn't know why, but he halts in his steps.

"Or else what, pipsqueak?"

He turns back towards you.

"Your eye adds to your nonexistent charm."

...

"Hello?"

...

"Earth to Vincent?" You wave your hand in front of his shielded eyes.

Turning on his heel, he doesn't leave without wanting to have the last word.

"Fucking weirdo, I don't need your pity."

"Asshole, I'm not pitying you!!"

What you fail to see is the faintest of rose-coloured blushes on Vin's cheeks as he puckers his lips, absentmindedly scratching at his lenses while sauntering down the hallway.