#the gay teens with their gaggle of friends

[androgynealienfemme]

Brooklyn Pride was fun !! 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Started SCOY tonight, and this show is made for me. It looks and feels like a Disney Channel Original Movie, which is an aesthetic that I will never get enough of. It's why Thai BL will probably always be my fav. SCOY takes the big-heartedness of a Kenny Ortega production and mixes it with full-on teen lust, though, and I could not be more on-board.

The gaggle of friends is SO PRECIOUS and gay, and I can't wait to start getting into all the gender stuff with Daisy. The magic of gay friendship will always be a fav fictional topic.

Then, I didn't realize Seng was in this, and he has now officially gained membership, alongside Nanon and Neo, to my elite club of friends of friends of Dorothy, for actors who have made public their interest in women but do incredible justice to performing gayness. Seng was already a fave from Knock Knock Boys, playing Thanwa, an incredibly well-done gay adult whose disposition is sweet and soft while maintaining his maturity, sexually and in his general behavior in life. Toh in SCOY is the complete opposite in many respects. Wildly immature, obsessive, desperate, but endearingly so (like any good gay teen). Seng doesn't just play him as a gay character; it's almost as if he's acting out how a gay actor would play a gay character, and it's mind-blowing to witness, especially after seeing the kind of nuanced queer portrayal he's capable of with Thanwa.

Like Toh, I am in love!

[asfateentertwines]

Neteyam is gay. Like, no doubts about it, man is a homosexual.

That takes him a long time to admit though; his entire identity surrounded being the oldest and a warrior, it wasn't until he reached the Metkayina that he finally had a moment to breath and realize why Ao'nung was so distracting to him

It's like he can finally breathe, not even for the sake of questioning his sexuality and more so cause he finally feels like a piece of the puzzle clicked together

Homie has identity issues galore

It takes Jake back a bit to realize Neteyam is gay though, in part due to internalized earth stuff but also just because he has to admit that Neteyam is a teenager and still feels teenager things in a war

It's him realizing Neteyam only grew up in war, that its already been his childhood

Spider is demiromantic, bisexual, and trans. He has almost zero preference towards gender romantically or physically but feelings take a minute for him to develop. However, when they do, he falls hard

I love trans!Spider but don't use it all the time cause it's a process to work in canon

However, FTM Spider was sort of a clumsy coming out

Na'vi are intersex, it's very fluid, even if some still believe there should be some version of a binary

So no one quite understand why the humans are so strict on their genders or why it's such a big deal for Spider than he is a he and not a she.

He just sort of breaks down with Lo'ak and Kiri who panic and try to fix things. He thinks it's a big thing and no one really gives a shit, he's still the little stray human, but some of the older teens and stuff realize how much he cares and make an effort to make him feel good about it

He worries it'll make him more of a freak but he has a gaggle of siblings, and later friends, who reassure him that they couldn't particularly care less

His coming out is what triggers Kiri's

Kiri is an asexual lesbian who uses she/they pronouns

Unlike the romantic preferences, being asexual is a little bigger of a deal but Neytiri specifically will shut down anyone who gives her baby any shit

Being ace is a bigger thing because there is so much emphasis on intimacy and seeing one another, however, Kiri very passionately proves to anyone that she doesn't need sex to connect with anyone.

Lo'ak has actively gotten into fights to help when people start shit with them

Kiri didn't really have a sexuality crisis though

They just kind of knew, something her brothers are endlessly jealous of

Tsireya is her first crush though

Lo'ak is the one who gets it bad but Kiri admittedly fell hard for her

She was gorgeous and sweet, cared about the environment around them in a way no one their age ever seems to

Plus she stands up for her and Kiri wanted to show her what she sees so bad it made her stomach curl

But she stepped back for Lo'ak, as bittersweet as it was, she felt so good just enjoying the innocent feeling

It just felt good to have normal teenage feelings in the midst of a war

Lo'ak is bisexual, however, he would tell you he is Tsireyasexual

He is one track minded

The most loyal partner ever tho

Like, if you're his person, he is honed in

Being bi was never really a huge thing for him but he was the last one of all the teenagers to come out

He just forgot

He was sitting with Tsireya while everyone hung out and Tsireya pointed out a cute guy to him and they took in the view together while everyone kind of just ??? this is new?

It wasn't, homie really just forgot to tell people

It was a given to him

Funnily enough, he has the same taste as Kiri

Tsireya is not the first girl they both liked

While he is bi, he does lean mostly towards girls

He's a sucker for pretty

It's bad, Tsireya flutters her lashes at him and he'll do damn near anything

A simp (TM)

Tuk is too young rn to really care but when she's older, I think she's pan

People her age are much fewer and she just likes friends

Her first crush is Rotxo's little sister cause she keeps following him to hang out when Tuk is a preteen

She's hella obvious and all of the older ones think it's hilarious to tease her, she's worse than Lo'ak when he first saw Tsireya

She's bringing her shells and little flowers, trying to show off in games and dress pretty

Tsireya and Neteyam take mercy and help her get her act together but nothing comes of it

Once it starts tho she's a hopeless romantic

She has a new crush every other week of her early teen years but never gets to be a better flirt

She's a mini Lo'ak that way

He tries to coach her and says she didn't get it from him but it's obvious

Ao'nung is demi. He leans towards men physically but he is almost as bad as Neteyam in terms of thinking himself responsible for everyone

Tonowari tries desperately to break him of that mindset and Ronal is constantly trying to take pressure off of him but it's just in his nature

So he, like Neteyam, doesn't think about relationships much

He has, however, been a hopeless romantic with a laundry list of brief crushes over the years

He falls hard for Neteyam though when he arrives

Mainly because he finally feels seen, he's a big one on emotional connections

No one at home understands the pressure on him so when Neteyam shows up, shepherding siblings and standing as his fathers right hand, he doesn't know what to do

He tries to cover it up, worried still for the safety of his clan, and scare them off

A little selfish part of him was afraid of the feelings and wanted them gone

Clearly that doesn't work but, once they realize they both like one another, it doesn't take him long to latch on

He and Neteyam become close rapidly and fall into a relationship fast once things are started (a genuine surprise to literally everyone)

A very devoted partner; he learned from his Dad and takes being a good partner seriously

it took him a really long time to feel confident in himself so once he and Neteyam are together, he's devoted to becoming a strong partner to demonstrate a strong relationship to his partner

Metkayina are extremely family based and he will not let them down

Tsireya is pan

She has so much love in her she doesn't know what to do with it

Falls hard and fast, Ao'nung has spent years trying to keep her from falling for everyone who she connects just a little bit with

Actually did have a crush on Kiri too, though she had one on Lo'ak at the same time

Might by poly but she never investigates it

She's very spiritual and spends a lot of time with the ancestors so her partner needs to care too

Like she makes Lo'ak ask the ancestors for their blessing when she accepts his courting

He was scared shitless and got teasingly (?) threatened by her deceased uncle

She cares deeply about helping others to the point of being naive - she has gotten hurt before because of it so she needs some reassurances in relationships

Lo'ak is not her first relationship but he is the first really healthy one

She's prone to trying to fix people honestly, she doesn't get what she puts in a lot

However, when she does, she's a little angel

Gifts, cooking, help; whatever she can do to show her love she'll do

Wants to be Tsahik so she's terrified Neteyam will take the job

He lets her happily, preferring to be a line of defense for his people regardless

Rotxo has no clue what he is

He just knows he likes Spider

He's a giant softie

Like gentle giant himbo vibes but fiercely protective of his family

Very proud of his home and his heritage

He has two moms so sexuality wasn't really a big deal growing up, however, he just didn't really care

He just likes who he likes

He had a bigass crush on Ao'nung for a bit but later realized it was just a deep platonic love

Unlike most of the crew, he doesn't fall easily

Like he has had maybe 2 crushes his entire life

So falling for Spider is a shock

But he's just happy to find his feelings returned

He's a big provider type, likes giving gifts and taking care of his friends

He has a lot of issues about feeling useful and needed; he grew up in Ao'nungs shadow and so feels like he needs to fight to be seen

Hence part of how he and Spider bonded

While very gentle, he's very passionate about being a warrior once he finally feels like he has a reason to be

Does a lot of soul searching after the Sullys come

He still has a lot to learn about himself but feels much more at peace now that he doesn't feel like just Ao'nungs best friend

[washipink]

The Rain Review (Finale)

If you’ve been with my blog for the past week or so, You’ll know I’ve been reading a childhood favorite webcomic of mine, Rain by Jocelyn Samara. And you’d probably be wondering what happened to my review of the comic Year-by-Year. The answer? I went on a road trip for a few days and couldn’t help but read the whole rest of the comic. So today I’m here to talk about my overall thoughts.

For the uninitiated, Rain is a slice-of-life webcomic that started in 2010. It’s about a transgender teenage girl of the same name navigating her senior year at a Catholic high school. There’s a LOT of romantic and gender-related drama. Friends are made and lost. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll see yourself in the characters somewhere along the line.

My experience with Rain prior to this project only goes up to about 2014. I started reading it in middle school on Smackjeeves.com. Y’all remember Smackjeeves? I miss it every day. Apparently it redirects to a shitty webtoon clone now. IDK where I’m gonna find peoples’ sprite comics produced in 2013 now.

Anyway, I bring this up to say that I had stopped keeping up with Rain even though she was a major part of me accepting who I was. When I found out that her story had come to a close, I had a real need to find out how.

This time, there won’t be a plot summary because this comic ran for 11 years and it takes me long enough to do just 1. That and, if I may spoil my final opinion, I really want you to give it a read for yourself.

ART

I want to get this one out of the way because it’s a very common critique that even I hold to some extent. The art in Rain is a clear indicator of the era its artist hails from. In 2010, anime and manga had just hit the American mainstream. Everyone was reading those “How to Draw Anime” books and took a lot of notes from them. To showcase, here’s a page from Chapter 1, the first color page in fact.

This page is actually one of the busier pages in terms of art. Jocelyn doesn’t usually do background details much, if at all. Usually, backgrounds are depicted as solid colors that are associated with specific locations. Grey for the apartment, sky blue for outside, light green for school, etc. But the way Rain is drawn here bears a striking resemblance to the styles a LOT of people were using at the time.

While Jocelyn’s style stays rooted in, shall we say, American who got really into anime, her techniques evolve over time. Especially in terms of displaying what’s going on with limited background detail.

As an example, I really enjoy this scene. Rain and Emily are, in universe, speaking over the phone right now. But neither of them are holding their phones to their ears. They’re looking at each other as if they’re in the same room. Jocelyn uses a gradient background to signify that the two of them are NOT in the same room, but as they get closer during their conversation, they get physically closer in the panel as well.

This page is taken from 2014, about 4 years into the comic’s run. You can see that Jocelyn’s brush choices have changed. Everything is far smoother than it was toward the start. While the overall style is as simplistic as year 1, her technique has changed a lot.

That comfort with her work only continues to grow. Below is a panel from a bonus page that released after the comic’s conclusion. The line work is the cleanest its ever been.

STORY AND CHARACTERS

Now this right here is the REAL meat of the comic. Regardless of any feelings I had on the art, the characters really endeared me. And this being a slice-of-life teen drama, they had plenty of time to learn, grow, and clash against one another.

The majority of the conflict in Rain comes from people being set in their ways. Rain’s whole gaggle of queer friends is hiding from the school’s principal, who refuses to acknowledge that maybe there’s nothing wrong with being a little gay. One of the most compelling ongoing threads in the comic centers around Rain’s brother and sister trying to understand and accept her. These personal stakes were a really enjoyable break from the kind of thing I usually read. In Rain, there is no world to be saved or villain to defeat, but there IS a prom to go to. Sometimes, that’s all you need to tell a good story.

The comic has this small-town vibe I care for a lot. Sometimes, a character will exit another’s life and you’ll never expect to see them again. Then they’ll end up dating Rain’s aunt or something. Word spreads fast in Centerville. People are gossipy. Sometimes, you tell someone something and it reaches ears you didn’t want to hear it. That gossip is what makes things so dangerous for Rain. If the wrong person finds her out, then EVERYONE finds her out. The same goes for all her friends.

There’s all kinds of flavor of queer in this comic in a way that mirrors real life friend groups. We have a tendency to find each other like that.

With all kinds of queers being hormonal teens, things get messy FAST. There’s a lot of things that happen in this comic that I feel like baby gays need to see. There’s a point where a gay boy and a trans girl start going out because... this just happens sometimes. Nobody is “the villain” in this scenario. They both just tried to explore themselves and found mixed results.

That’s one of the big themes of Rain. Self-exploration. Every chapter, we’re learning more about these characters as they learn more about themselves. Nobody stays in the same headspace for too long. They’re constantly evolving.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Rain is ABSOLUTELY worth the read. It’s actually a really easy read. I was able to finish it in about 2 weeks, so I’m sure it won’t take up too much of your time. But, it’s a really heartwarming story that I’m sure a lot of us can relate to. Thanks for going on this journey with me. And be safe, Rain Beaus.

[leam1983]

I grew up with a simple saying, and internalized it for my first few teen jobs. Don't fuck with the payroll.

It's true to an extent, in the sense that I wouldn't advise anyone to start courting Pam from HR - even if she genuinely elicits your affection - because any falling-out could impact you professionally. Breakups are bad enough on their own, can you imagine losing your job at your ex's hand in the same moment?

That said, companionship does matter, and links do naturally form. There's this expectation that our "work friends" and "life friends" should never overlap, but my own experience has taught me that it's more than possible to know people as coworkers first and then later add them to your circle of intimates. Christ, I'm currently in a bi relationship with a girl from the List Integration department and a guy from the same company's Sales force! We know each other, we've taken to living together and, well, I'm probably part of one of a few instances of working romantic polycules I know of.

What makes it work, in my perspective, is the fact that we're not all from the same department. We don't come home with the same stories or have the same gripes, but there's enough of a common thread that we can help one another navigate tough spots. It also helps that our skillsets are complementary: I'm the resident geek, Sarah's the Knowledge Base specialist, and Walter's the cook, living pillow and emotional cushion.

Our superiors at work are only aware of the bylines of our relationship, but they have noticed how Walter's more or less become my main transport provider and mobility aid, seeing as I'm disabled. None of us owe them a thing once outside the company's walls, and all three of us are committed enough that if one of us were to leave our Marketing company, we'd help them bounce back. We help one another and develop strategies we can use to help others. As I'm from Canada, unions aren't much of an issue here. Ours is a great framework for taking solutions we brainstorm in the context of our throuple and deploying them across the workforce - or at least getting the idea of certain fixes to professional processes implemented. There is some pushback on occasion, but it only seems natural to me - it's not every day that a small family of three leaves the same front doors to the same workplace and then reaches the same duplex to cook and share in a common meal. Our routine is the nature of some gossip around the water cooler, with the local sleazebags wondering what two bis and one gay older man understood that they, themselves, skipped past.

So, forming connections is essential, and so is building the occasional bridge between your work life and personal life. The trick is to dose these adequately, and to realize that not every great colleague you can think of would make an equally great friend. Outside of Sarah and Walter, I can think of at least one other close personal friend with roots in the workplace, and a gaggle of pleasant acquaintances I'd really rather not bring into what happens outside of the nine-to-five.

As a disclaimer, I'll note that if you dig through my blog, you'll find other stories about the three of us. I won't ever name my workplace, and "Sarah" and "Walter" are placeholder names. Several details were altered, in order to protect this little family of ours...

i think the whole "coworkers arent you friends" thing fucking sucks man. aside from the fact that enjoying the people you spend a major portion of your life around like actually improves your attitude, it is so dangerous for companies for their workers to be like. engaging with each other personally. you know like. unifying. unionizing. im not saying force your relationships at work but like. maybe engage a little more

[academy13]

Look, I'll have like three different flavors of an AU set in the same universe, so I've got another Doctor Who AU that's in the Marvel universe (don't ask what earth its even on, I'm just here making shit up and its somewhere between the 616 and MCU), and the broad strokes of this one involve Nine being a time traveling Spider person (he gives me Spider-Man Noir vibes, but he's more of a modern day noir guy than 40s Noir) and he winds up going back in time to the 80s because 1) Sarah Jane (I haven't decided about the superhero antics for her, but she's definitely still a journalist and definitely knows way too many secret identities and delights in being even more cryptic than she is in canon. Also she still winds up adopting a gaggle of teens and nobody ever lets her live this down) dropped some info on him that he needed to do so, 2) Tegan was being weird and vauge and that made him suspicious because it was about how she got her spider powers because I've decided Tegan plus spider powers is fun, and also Tegan is historically blunt, so he was like 'Why would she be weird about this thing, and also why have I literally never heard this story?', 3) Nyssa is less cryptic than the other two and suggests that since he's the time traveler that perhaps he's meant to learn about it that way. Plus there's also a whole plot to stop the Spider's from existing, but that's kind of secondary to him getting back to the 80s and realizing 'Oh holy fuck I'm the one who mentor's my mentor about this shit' and helping Tegan and Nyssa sort through a whole truck load of shit on top of unraveling the bad guy's plot, whilst he bitches about how annoyingly cryptic and know it all ish Sarah was in the future (even as he realizes they're both literally cryptic to each other all the damn time and they're best friends because of it).

So long story short, Nine is a Spider, so is Tegan, and Nyssa is trying to help her navigate that because of course Tegan would tell her, and of course she'd try to figure out how that even happened at all because Science! Nine also bears witness to the gay disaster that is Tegan Jovanka in any timeline and the gayest possible shit between her and Nyssa as they're all trying to save themselves, the world, and possibly the universe. I've got a few scenes written out, like rough outlines, and I'm still not sure what to do with Five and Adric, but I'm sure I'll hit on something.

[msookyspooky]

About your post about greasy teen boy and kid googles, in my highschool there was this guy supeeeer popular with greasy hair shitty attitude and dumb as fuck. I found him so fucking ugly, literally repulsed by him but all my female classmates and even teachers... (yes... teachers) found him such a hot bad boy. One time he gave attitude to one of my friend (the sweetest guy, so kind and shy that u can't possibly have a problem with him cause' he doesn't even speak to you to avoid confrontation) so I told him to back off or we might have a problem that included my chair and his head. His response was that I should stop playing hard to get (where the fuck that come out I don't know) and I don't have a chance... because I think he thought I was being "mean" to him as a way to have his attention? I don't know, but I decided to demolish him by describing every single thing I founded ugly about him (physically and personalty talking) From greasy hair (obviously) to croocket nose, to a huge lack of skincare showed by a myriad of red pimples all over his face that I doubt he washed, from a basic fashion style stolen by Danny Zuko of Grease (lol... grease... grease hair... HA!) and the most annoying of all the fact he always act so sleepy, like he just woke up, talking so slowly... just to hide the fact that he was dumb as fuck and need more time to think.

Plus the friend he was picking on would for sure became someone successful in the future, will accomplish something with his life while him is gonna stay with his daddy and enherit because nepotism and daddy issues go hand in hand. AND HE WAS SHORT!!!

And as I finished the last sentence... the magic spell fall! Everyone start seeing what I was seeing... A rude greasy guy with attitude problem. His mini fangirl groupe slowly disappeared (just a girl remained) teachers weren't charmed anymore by him and guys started found him pathetic. He didn't graduate with me caused he failed one too many classes. Lol.

Moral, greasy rude teen boys are a lot of smoke... but no roast. Being mean to someone and pointing out all their insecurities IS VERY WRONG, but with guy like this is the only way to defeat them and save other people from being bullied.

Btw his response, a very late one I might add since I had already walked away, was "Shut up, everyone knows you're a lesbian" (I lived in a very catholic and conservative city so being gay was the worst thing to be, they literally forgive pedophilia but not homosexuality) and my screaming one was "I would love to have hard core bdsm sex with Meghan Fox" I was a 16 teenage girl, a pretty confused 16 years old, and being this repulsed by this guy that everyone found hot made me seriously doubt if I was straight.

Im in my twenties now and for sure I can say that I'm straight... but Megan Fox is a huge exception.

BRROOOO He sounds like every freaking popular guy I went to school with they were such dick munching asshats for no fucking reason and girls ate that shit up! My guess is when you pointed that out and he was stunned with his dumbass delayed reaction; the bad boy persona slipped OR you got in his head that bad that it slipped on its own and those gaggle of girls saw it.

Good for you and I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and your friend! Every asshole I went to school with in these small towns either became teachers, got pregnant and married before they were able to drink or are working at a regular job like everyone else EVEN THO they were going to be someone and everyone else was the loser....Sure Josh. Whatever you want to think babe. I'm sure you and your friends are better off in life than that fuckface will ever be.

And yeah, in small towns, the bad boys no matter how ugly are always popular. The ruder they are, the more girls want them. It's pathetic honestly and sad on the girls part. I pray those girls outgrow it bc it's fun in fiction but not irl.

I'm sure saying that about Megan had every catholics mouths gapping at you 😭☠️ Good for you bby 😜 😌

[lionheartkrbkzine]

KrBk Month 2021: Beach Day + Timeskip

Happy KrBk Month 2021! To celebrate, the mods are writing a few short threads here and on our Twitter throughout the event. Let us know what prompts you'd like to see by reblogging or commenting with your favorites 🧡 And continue below to read Mod Belle's short interactive thread for Days 2 and 3: Beach Day + Timeskip  🌊🌞

Hi!! Belle here -- I got this idea for a first kiss krbk thread from a dream where I was in a minivan with the Bakusquad on the way to the beach, and Kiri and Baku were acting like oblivious, pining fools the whole time. Naturally, I had to write it for Beach Day.

Tags: SFW, quirkless AU, first kiss, some language, idiots to lovers

Kaminari Denki's POV for the first half -- then our Twitter poll decides who tells the rest of the story  👀

🌊🌞🌊🌞🌊🌞

It wasn't often that Denki sat in a beach chair in a McDonald's parking lot, barbeque sauce on his titties, and watched in awe as his gay dads finally got together. He, Sero, Ashido, and Jirou had given up on Parent-Trapping their honorary Grill Dad and Agro Coach Dad, opting to spend their mental and emotional energies elsewhere. Like strategizing Uno, or figuring out who could throw Bakugou's lint roller the farthest, or perfecting the art of texting in class without getting caught.

"Now?!" he cried, he and the rest of the gang staring in different stages of grief at the two boys sitting in the back of the van. "They do this NOW. After hours of watching them make googly-eyes at each other, this is how it's going down?"

"I feel like this should be more shocking than it is," Sero said, "but all I feel is a calm relief washing over me." He shrugged and took a bite of his boxed salad.

Jirou grunted. "At least my parents are still inside."

"Your parents seeing our gay dads kiss is the least embarrassing thing about this scenario," Ashido replied. "They've been pining for over a year, and now they get to tell their adorable adopted gremlin children that their getting together story ends in an awkward smooch surrounded by pool floaties in the back of Jirou's parents' minivan parked in front of a Micky-D's."

"Try saying that five times fast," said Sero.

She laughed, and Jirou snorted some of her milkshake. They looked carefree and casual -- just a gaggle of teens heading to the beach for the day. Free of thinking about school, or their futures, or puberty-related philosophy.

Why the hell was no one freaking out about this?!

"Umm hello??" Denki's head whipped back and forth between his gay dads' consummation and his far-too-lackadaisical bros-and-hos-in-arms. "Is this not what we've been striving toward for the better part of our friendship??" He stood, punching his fists on his hips. "We just-- What, a week after we decide to stop interfering, they start vacuuming each other's faces? I feel like I'm owed some kind of karmic retribution for this. They are in LOVE and I am getting none of the credit right now."

"Sparkplug--" Jirou squinted up at him "--don't you think them finally kissing might have something to do with the fact that we stopped trying to get them together?"

He sucked in a breath to reply. He blinked. And then all of the muscles in his body went slack. His mouth hung open like one of those giant drooly dogs.

He knew that his friends were watching him, probably waiting for a reply, and that there were still globs of BBQ sauce on his shirt from his chicky nuggies, but he just...couldn't process all of that right now. His brain went into overdrive at the sight of Bakugou mashing his face against Kirishima's, and he'd blown a fuse. He was experiencing network connectivity issues.

Please call back during business hours or leave a voicemail.

Sorry, we're closed. Thank you for stopping by.

Someone led him back to the van and buckled him up. Sero, probably, ever loyal, ever trustworthy, like those giant drooly dogs-- 

"We're like Beethoven."

"What?"

"You and me--" he jutted his thumb at his chest "--we're like those big dogs. You know, with the drool."

"Bro," Sero laughed, "if just seeing dad and dad kiss short-circuited you, I can't wait to watch you combust when we wring the whole story out of 'em."

Staring out the window, the ride to the beach went by in a blur. But he remembered snapshots -- a toothy smile, a pink milkshake, an aux cord, two hands clasped tightly together -- and he remembered feeling warm and happy.

[joey12304]

I hate both sides on the DSMP front

I wanted to get this out because i keep getting tik toks from both sides being fucking stupid. But both sides of this shit absolutely suck ass. On one side you have die hard DSMP fans who are unwilling to look at the content creators critically and actively ignore people who have suffered because of the actions of people like Dream, Schlatt or Wilbur. For example the harm Dream has done by encouraging his (mainly young female) audience to participate in the fetishization of MLM relationships through his weird fucked up portrayal of BL in his videos. I’m not gonna get why its bad for girls/women to be into BL relationships as it should speak for itself. Similar on how its bad for men to be into WLW relationships that are just stereotypes of a real thing its wrong for women to be into MLM. Exceptions apply to this rule of course (primally EGGs AKA transmascs who haven’t realized they are transmasc yet) but many people who like specifically that DreamNotFound ship are not. There’s many reasons why the DNF ship is bad, mainly that it’s extremely toxic and not remotely how MLM relationships are when healthy and the fact its a gay ship made for straight people. Another example is Schlatt’s clearly problematic humor. Many fans actively ignore the fact he has made literal racism jokes since the beginning of his channel. People also often push off the evidence when its displayed that he has in fact made racist jokes. Not even mentioning the blatant uncomfortable sexual jokes made towards female streamers he works with. This being said that doesn’t mean Antis are in the clear either. 90% when i see an anti post about something they are just as bad as the members from the DSMP and are just trying to act like they are superior to literally ND kids and teens who are just trying to enjoy something. Not all antis do this but a lot of the rhetoric used by that side are ableist in nature and serve no purpose other than “I’m better than you cause i’m not a dream stan” Which is just poor argumentation when your trying to prove DSMP fans are wrong about something. Their hatred usually just stems from DSMP fans being vocal and a lot of people being interested in them. These people fail to realize why we hear so much about Dream and his gaggle of friends. The simple answer is that the fan base is semi large. The complex answer is that the fandom is semi large because of the content being easily digestible to people like me who are ND and will pour their whole soul into something like that.

Another example for a fandom like this is Homestuck. There’s no denying that Homestuck has it’s issues, from the creator being a bigoted person to the overall poor and confusing plot.

Homestuck too was like the DSMP fandom. In the public eye as something to be cringed at and people to be ashamed for if they dared to be fans of it. Without acknowledging how it became popular with the group it did. Now people regard Homestuck as this cursed fandom thats kinda dead but also not. The same will happen to the DSMP, but the real issue is the way we go about problematic content. Im gonna make this clear for other people to understand but shaming people is not how you get people to be critical of a thing they like. Shaming people is only how you get people to cling on it even harder than they were before which isn’t healthy for either party. The way Antis and DSMP fans go about arguing is childish and pointless and just leads people to be angry at each other instead of doing what they need to do which is be mindful of the short comings of a creator. The antis also really need to be aware that the way they speak about DSMP fans is not good and is just harmful to ND people in general.

[strikefirstnomercy]

Tmw your friend and fellow CK fan debate AU's and tropes and devolve into, for all intents and purposes, complete insanity and bs crack AUs.

Cobra Kai AU's

1# Everythings the same except we saw Splash and The 13th Year as kids and then Johnny became half fish. A little water can make a lot of awkward. Karate drama and shenanigans ensue. Also that one time Johnny acts really, really weird around water except its not one time it's literally all the time and cobras be sus.

2# Touching on my running theme of unlikely career path AU's. Musician Johnny. Specifically, DJ Law. (We had Timmy Trumpet mashups playing at the time we had to)

3# Everythings the same except Johnny has a twin brother named Jackson (Jacky) and he's everything Johnny isn't (Smart successful, etc. You know, all the stuff for Johnny to agonize over even tho he really, really doesn't need to) and probably knows like. Kung-fu or something and is actually a real dweeb (seriously, and people wonder why Johnny drinks so much, it gives him hives). Everything is different as a result. Oh, and he's probably gay af. Lawrusso sandwich WINK

4# Role reversal. Sweet, quirky Daniel is the Cobra and angry teen Johnny is Mr Miyagi's problem fixer-upper.

5# Walking Dead fusion. Karate works weirdly well on walkers if you aim for head trauma. Daniel was really not expecting to run into Johnny fucking Lawrence and a bunch of kids surviving out in the wild while trying to find somewhere safe for his family/group. Watching Johnny execute a flawless roundhouse kick that takes a walkers rotted head clean off its shoulder to protect his gaggle of kids is a gay crisis treat tho.

6# Obnoxious crack that inexplicably became cool brought to you by us binging Fate: Winx Saga. You guessed it. Johnny will burn your house down with his brain if you call him a fairy tho (He's not afraid of a little unintentional arson. Just ask Sid). The secret to Daniel's perfect bonsai's is obvious in context.

7# Time Travel shenanigans. Older Johnny and Daniel somehow get punted back to the 80s and have to watch their teen selves repress the gay by bashing each others remaining braincells into walls. Kreese picks a fight with the wrong tired dad, and Sensei Lawrence has a bone to pick with himself. Teen!Johnny is, predictably, very uncomfy. Older Daniel has emotionally charged tea with Mr Miyagi while his younger self not-so-quietly wigs the fuck out.

8# Obligatory bodyswap AU. The universe at large enacts the get-along protocol. Johnny and Daniel's very bad, not good week. Shenanigans ensue. "Larusso, your wife is on to me." "What did you DO?"

There were more but I think this is enough insanity for one post 😂

[theparanormalperiodical]

The REAL Stories Behind Final Destination (2000) And The 10 Creepiest Times Celebrities Predicted Their Own Deaths

It must’ve happened sometime in the early 1980s.

‘81, or ‘82, perhaps.

Some 15 year old in the ass-end of Aberdeen, Washington, was stuck in the teen funk of wanting to ditch high school forever whilst simultaneously spray painting ‘god is gay’ on hick trucks.

But when he wasn’t pissin’ off the rednecks, he was telling his friends that he was pretty sure he’d become a famous rockstar, and end his life surrounded by fame and riches by committing suicide.

He was the emblem of the era. 

He would be the emblem for the next.

Kurt Cobain died on April 5th 1994 at the tender age of 27. He would not be the last person to have a premonition of his own death.  

In fact, the peculiar phenomenon of predicting one’s own death or sensing something foreboding is due isn’t just some forgotten urban legend. It’s been immortalised in a franchise that has achieved a cult status similar to Cobain’s band Nirvana:

Final Destination (2000).

The thing is, the 5 Final Destination films aren’t just based on this unexplained phenomenon of predicting one’s demise. They’re also based on several horrifying, infamous deaths that have haunted America for decades.

They’ve been mocked, marketed, and made out to be utter rubbish - but the luring call of the Grim Reaper might be more real than you think.

First, let’s recap the Final Destination franchise.

James Wong has made his name in horror. From the cutting-edge directing of Insidious, to his recapturing of the media-frenzy that was the caseload of Ed and Lorraine Warren, he has led the genre in a new direction that deals with supernatural phenomena which tend to be all too real.

His earlier work, Final Destination, was no different.

The Final Destination franchise consists of 5 movies and a couple limited edition comic books. It’s achieved cult status for its innovative plotline and Truman Show-like impact on the viewers. But the thing is, like most cult horror movies, it tends to be, well, trash.

And that’s what they were.

For 5 feature length movies we see the same plot play out:

(No, I’m not being cynical, it literally follows the same damn structure every damn time.)

A gaggle of high school or college aged friends head out on a trip. One of the crew has a mysterious premonition that they’re gon’ die in like a 4K-HD-put-your-3D-glasses-on-now-and-switch-off-your-mobile-phones worthy video clip.

That person then, understandably, flips out and somehow causes a fight. The group of friends then get asked to get off the plane, or aren’t allowed on the roller coaster, or are no longer partaking in the deadly activity.

The event that was seen in the premonition then takes place. For the rest of the movie we see a series of bizarre events that threaten and take the lives of those who cheated death.

A sixth instalment is in production and attempts to break the cycle by looking at EMT workers who face ‘death’ on a daily basis.

The following of this film can be traced back to a number of reasons: there’s the vibrant lives of the characters, there’s a lovable chemistry between the actors, and there’s that idea that fate might just have our lives set out for us.

But when the last unpopped kernels are left at the bottom of the bowl and the credits fade to black, we are left with only our faces to look at in the reflection of our laptop screens. From there, those laughable traps set by death themself don’t seem so hilarious.

They seem to be real.

Maybe we are fated to die at a certain time in a certain way? Maybe the Grim Reaper does exist? Maybe we have no control over our destiny?

Jeffrey Reddick, the writer of Final Destination, directly sought out to ask these questions. And he based the original film off a true story.

“[He] read a story about a woman who was on vacation and her mom called her and said, 'Don't take the flight tomorrow, I have a really bad feeling about it.'"

She switched flights, and the one she was supposed to be on crashed.

This urban legend taps into a haunting history of premonitions of death. For millennia humans have predicted the fates of themselves and those around them whether they boasted psychic powers or not.

(We will get to that.)

Unfortunately, this franchise is based on more than just an urban legend. Some of the most traumatic death traps left by the Grim Reaper are actually inspired by real life tragedies.

Many believe the original film featuring a flight fault and exploding plane was based on the TWA Flight 800 explosion - but this occurred 2 years after the original script (which was intended for 90s icon The X Files) was penned.

But there are 3 real-life events that inspired the franchise.

#1 - The 125 car pileup in Ringgold, Georgia

In 2002, approximately 120 cars and 20 tractor-trailers collided on the Interstate just south of Chattanooga as a result of the blanket of thick fog that Thursday morning. 4 were killed and 39 were injured.

It began when a tractor drove into the wall of fog and smashed into the back of another. It then crossed several lanes, and spread the wreckage. The visibility at the time of the collision was at most 15 feet.

Only an hour later, when the fog finally lifted, could the emergency services see the full extent of the disaster.

#2 - The Le Mans Motor Racing Disaster

It’s been labelled the most catastrophic crash in the history of motorsport. No CGI could do justice to what occurred.

On June 11th 1955, Jaguar driver Mike Hawthorn pulled to the right of the track and braked for a pit stop. Austin-Healey driver Lance Macklin was following closely behind and swerved out from behind the braking car into the path of another driver, Levegh. Levegh rear-ended Macklin, overriding Macklin’s car and launching his own into the air at 125mph.

The car collided with the spectator area several times and then disintegrated, throwing Levegh onto the track where he met his instant death.

The engine and bonnet was thrown into the crowd.

Levegh’s severely burnt body lay on the track until someone finally lay a sheet over it.

It is estimated that 84 died, and 178 were injured. We still don’t know the full extent of the death toll.

This tragedy - which was blamed on the nature of the course for cars of such a speed - caused Mercedes-Benz to withdraw from racing for 44 years.

#3 - The collapse of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge

4 months after the opening of the bridge to traffic, the Tacoma Narrows bridge collapsed as a result of an aeroelastic flutter initiated by a 42mph gust of wind.

Fortunately, there were no human fatalities, but the shocking collapse was caught on film. A dog named Tubby, however, did die from being abandoned in a car on the bridge.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XggxeuFDaDU 

So we know that the most iconic scenes from the franchise can be traced back to shocking disasters and tragedies. But there’s another side to the reality behind Final Destination:

The well laid plans of the Grim Reaper.

What are premonitions of death and what do they mean?

To many, having a niggling feeling about when one may pass away or even seeing it in a vision or a dream is a common part of life. And to many more, they will deem this as something as simple as anxiety making us believe we are due to die soon. However, from a spiritual standpoint, premonitions of death have much more meaning.

According to psychic mediums and spiritualists, the nagging feeling of impending death or dreams or visions of death are common - and can be real. They believe that souls can choose when they depart this world and thus signal to us when this is due.

Those with souls that are more evolved and have been reborn many times have greater ability to sense this.

Even souls that have connected together for many years  - and even many lifetimes - and have formed bonds can have death premonitions regarding each other.

Whether it’s a specific date or a certain age, foreseeing your own or another’s passing can be a terrifying concept. But on the same note, this premonition could refer to a symbolic death, a bit like the death card in a Tarot deck.

Perhaps a part of yourself is dying.

(This certainly won’t be as graphic as a Final Destination death cameo.)

History has a different version of events, however.

Many have had premonitions of their own death. And many have been correct. It’s time to talk about them.

Here’s the 9 other times celebrities predicted their own deaths to an uncomfortable degree.

#1 - Tupac Shakur

This rap icon’s death wasn’t just a tragedy. 

It was a mystery, too. 

Many still believe that the death was faked and that Shakur is very much alive and well, whether he’s hiding in Mexico, New Zealand, or South Africa.

But the mystery surrounding 2Pac starts long before the drive-by shooting that took place in 1996 that would kill him.

“I been shot and murdered, can tell you how it happened word for word” is a line from a hit song with Ritchie Rich.

Sure, the rap genre is closely with such themes that highlight gang crime and gun violence, and sure, Tupac had been involved with violent interactions and assaults before, but this eerily accurate lyric is bound to raise eyebrows.

That being said, if he did fake his own death he would know how it would take place, right? This may be less a premonition, and more an actual plan.

#2 - Bob Marley

Music icons don’t just have a knack for writing a catchy hook and a couple verses, too. Turns out they have this habit of predicting when they will die.

Kurt Cobain’s prediction of his own passing can quite easily be overlooked by the typicality of this death within the rockstar lifestyle. But Bob Marley didn’t actually predict how he would die - he told his friends when he would die.

Marley claimed he would die when he was 36. He was right.

But the coincidence doesn’t end there.

According to Allan Cole, one of his closest friends who was told this secret, Marley had psychic abilities that he would often flaunt to the locals where he grew up in Jamaica. He was even deemed a prophet to those close to them.

#3 - John Denver

“Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane,/ Don’t know when I’ll be back again”

This singer-songwriter wasn’t just a keen musician - he was also an amateur pilot. Unfortunately, his second pastime would eerily echo his first, and foreshadow his death.

28 years after he first released Leaving On A Jet Plane, he took off on his last flight where he would ultimately have a fatal crash.

#5 - Mark Twain

As the father of American literature, Twain was used to creating universes to engage readers with timeless classics like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. But it's our own world that would provide as poetic an end to Twain’s own story as he would to his fictional characters.

Born shortly after the sighting of Halley’s Comet in 1835, Twain would often joke that he would go out with it.

“Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.”

A day after the comet was sighted once again in 1910, Twain died of a heart attack.

#6 - Pete Maravich

He will go down in history as one of the greatest NBA players to ever hit the court - and he left it in a mysterious manner.

Having played in the world-famous league for 4 years, he claimed in an interview that  “I don’t want to play 10 years [in the NBA] and then die of a heart attack at the age of 40.”

An injury caused him to leave the NBA 6 years later, completing the first part of his prediction. He died from a heart attack at age 40.

Even more intriguing, however, is what caused him to die: Maravich claimed he had a missing heart valve and should’ve died at the tender age of 20. His ability to predict his death which according to doctors would’ve been a bold assumption for such a heart problem is fascinating (and freaky).

#7 - Jimi Hendrix

He might’ve passed 4 decades ago, but the death of this guitarist is still tinged with as much mystery as the other legendary musicians and athletes populating this list. Shortly before claiming this status in 1965, he recorded The Ballad of Jimi.

“Many things he would try/ For he knew soon he’d die./ Now Jimi’s gone, he’s not alone/ His memory still lives on/ Five years, this he said/ He’s not gone, he’s just dead”

Hendrix died September 18th 1970. It was 5 years exactly to the day that he recorded that song.

#8 - Buddy Holly

On one evening in January of 1959, Buddy Holly and wife Maria had bad dreams. In fact, they had exactly the same bad dreams. They both involved a farm, an airplane, and Holly leaving Maria.

Weeks later Holly would tour the Midwest in an attempt to raise money for his family. Unfortunately, one of the airplanes he chartered for the tour crashed shortly after taking off into a cornfield. He was instantly killed.

#9 - W T Stead

The Titanic has been associated with many unexplained circumstances. This is one of them.

In 1886, Stead wrote a tale of an ocean liner colliding with another ship. Many of the passengers on that fictional ship would go on to lose their lives as a result of the lack of lifeboats.

“This is exactly what might take place and will take place if liners are sent to sea short of boats”

He would then go on to write a different story featuring a ship crashing into an iceberg.

In 1912, Stead boarded the RMS Titanic. And we all know how that ended - with a lack of a lifeboats causing excess deaths. He drowned with the rest of the victims of the tragedy.

#9 - Rasputin

As a former history student, I can boldly put forth a critical opinion of the dying days of the Romanov dynasty: Rasputin was one dodgy bloke. But what made him really dodgy was his ability to predict not just his own death, but that of the Russian monarchy, too.

Shortly before he was assassinated, he wrote a letter to the Tsarina claiming he would be killed by New Years. He also mentioned that her own family would die within 2 years.

Two days before New Year’s, he was poisoned in a rather messy assassination (no, seriously, look it up).

Within 18 months the Romanovs were dead.

Well that was a bit deathy.

Want to read something a bit more spooky and a ‘lil less sad? Check out the rest of the weekly articles on the paranormal, and stay tuned for a new real ghost story everyday by following this blog!

Are you obsessed with the supernatural? Be a part of the ultimate online ghost story experience.

[glenngaylord]

OUTFEST 2020 FILM REVIEW: BOYS SHORTS 3 1/2 Stars (Average Score)

For many years, most LGBTQ+ festivals reserved their best short films for the Boys and Girls Shorts programs.  Usually deemed the sexiest, funniest, or most cinematic of the bunch, they typically play to sold out audiences.  Fortunately, shorts submissions have diversified and have showcased such incredible talent that festivals like Outfest offer a whole host of solid programs to enjoy.  

Still, there’s nothing like packing into the Directors Guild of America’s main theatre on a Saturday morning to collectively enjoy some carefully vetted films.  Unfortunately, this year, it’s just me and my admittedly cute-as-hell doggy sitting in my living room. No gaggles of gays to ogle. No over-the-top hugs, air kisses, or overhearing the constant refrain of, “What are you working on?” My sliding A/C unit makes a valiant but futile effort to cool us down as this endless Los Angeles heatwave threatens to kill our buzz.  Outfest may feel a little less communal this year, but the quality of the filmmaking remains high. I also applaud the programmers and filmmakers for helping to redefine and expand what has made this particular program so meaningful and enjoyable time and time again. Here are my quick tales on the Boys Shorts program:

QUERY (Dir: Sophie Kargman - USA- 7 mins)  3 Stars

Two straight identifying lifelong best friends, Jay and Alex, played by Justice Smith and Graham Graham Patrick Martin respectively, spend a day challenging heteronormative concepts until Jay makes the suggestion that they kiss.  What starts out as a bromantic, mumblecore trifle turns fascinating in its final moments, helped tremendously by some beautifully wordless acting by our two leads.  I can’t say I loved the tired idea that one of the guys justifies the kissing by saying he’s wasted, but it’s handled in a fairly dignified way missing  from so many gross-out comedies from the past.  Shot and framed with a nice sense of classical style, the film, a mere 7 minutes, doesn’t outstay its welcome and leaves you with a provocative final line.  Extra points for Armie Hammer’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it jog-on role.  

S.A.M (Dir: Eyre and Ely - United Kingdom - 16 mins) 4 Stars

Two outcast Manchester teens (Sam Retford and George Webster) meet on a swing set and discover they’re both named Sam.  One appears to have a learning disability and the other smokes and seems to have an angry, rebellious streak.  Over the course of several weeks at the playground , their friendship deepens, slyly revealing their attraction to each other.  Both actors do a wonderful job dispelling common misconceptions of their challenges as they drink, swear brazenly at others, and develop a real bond.  Its handling of sexuality couldn’t be more lovely and instructive.  You wish more people would react to coming out the way we’re shown here.  Although shot entirely at the swing set, this film covers a lot of ground as we witness the beginnings of a ride-or-die friendship. I hope the directing team of Eyre and Ely develop this into a feature.  I could watch Sam and Sam all day.  

KIND OF (Dir: Noel Schamus - USA - 9 mins) 3 Stars

With friends imminently arriving for brunch, a trans masculine couple hash out their differences over their recently established open relationship.  Garcia (Tales Of The City) arrives home after a night out with a cis man to find Avi Roque preparing the meal.  Noel Schamus and co-writer Arno Mokros mine the tension between the two expertly, allowing us to see the genial but uncomfortable hugs and the passive-aggressive dialogue.  Things take an astonishing turn when they get brutally honest with each other, revealing a frank discussion many people have not had the opportunity to hear before.  The filmmaking itself may feel functional at best, but its honesty manages to stun.  

SEE YOU SOON (Dir: Tyler Rabinowitz - USA - 16 mins) 4 1/2 Stars

This gorgeously directed and acted film by Tyler Rabinowitz has a simple premise, aligned most closely with Boys Shorts of years past.  Vincent (James Cusati-Moyer) and Anthony (Jonny Beauchamp) live in Los Angeles and Manhattan respectively, yet have met online, FaceTiming in anticipation of Vincent’s upcoming weekend trip east. Both actors have that glow and eagerness between them which gets awkwardly dispelled when they first meet in person.  Still, they slowly gravitate towards each other as they traverse the city.  Anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship will recognize the hesitation, the fumbling, and the painful moment when they realize they’re rushing into things.  With beautiful cinematography by Oren Soffer and a gentle, believable chemistry between the two leads, I felt immersed  in their struggle to figure out their path.  We may have seen this before with the seminal feature, Weekend, but it doesn’t take away from how well done it is here.  Also, Cusati-Moyer is a star in the making with his expressive face and ability to break your heart.  

LAST SUMMER WITH UNCLE IRA (Dir: Gary Jaffe, Katie Ennis - USA - 13 mins) 3 Stars

As Daniel (Igby Rigney, a potentially closeted teen, packs his bags for summer camp, his beloved gay uncle Ira (Wayne Wilcox), faces his pending death from AIDS complications.  Daniel’s mother (Tony winner Stephanie J. Block) relieves her son of his duties so that he can go outside and have what will likely be one final chat with Ira.  Set in the early 90s, the bulk of the short comprises of their conversation, with Ira trying to gently coax Daniel to come out, but the young man resists.  While heartfelt and well-performed by all three, the production suffers from a somewhat maudlin tone and style.  It harkens back to such films as An Early Frost, yet adds something fresh with the dynamic between the two leads.  Although I can’t say I was wowed by it, the final moments did make me cry with its lovely expression of intimacy.  Any film which can awaken my cold dead heart is worth something!

WHO CAN PREDICT WHAT WILL MOVE YOU? (Dir: Livia Huang - USA - 9 mins) 2 1/2 Stars

On the surface, this very aptly titled short appears to be about nothing as we watch two young Asian American gay men share a final night together on a basketball court and then in an apartment.  With limited dialogue and scenes consisting of dribbling a ball, hugging, and staring into each others’ eyes as their hands intertwine, the film leans more toward the experimental side of things. Despite a nearly non-existent story, what Huang and her actors excel at is creating and sustaining a mood, a feeling.  It’s simple and yet somehow conveys a sense of intimacy.  I won’t remember having seen it tomorrow, but it sure did make me want to lie on the floor with someone.  

THE CYPHER (Dir: Leia Solomon - USA - 15 mins) 4 1/2 Stars

Khalil (Nigel Cox), a closeted young Philadelphia man, may just win an upcoming rap battle, but when word gets out he has a boyfriend (Juan Gil), his plans may go up in smoke.  Think 8 Mile meets Moonlight in this colorful, vibrant, story of a guy who learns what summoning courage and using it to hone his creative talents really means.  With nonstop energy and a wonderful supporting turn by Kerrice Brooks as his sister Kiki, who unintentionally outs him, The Cypher hits all the right notes.  Although still laden with homophobia, out artists such as Lil Nas X and Frank Ocean have made inroads in hip hop and rap culture.  In this spirit, this sexy, thrilling short brings power, strength and fearlessness to queer black voices staking their claim to a previously forbidding genre.  Nigel Cox, a relative newcomer, deserves attention for his loud and proud performance.  

[mdelpin]

@fuckyeahgratsu​ for @froppyfrosch​ AO3 | FFNet

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima

"Come on, Gray," Ultear cajoled from the kitchen where she was preparing dinner, "I'm not asking you for much. We all have to pitch in until Mom recovers from her surgery."

“But I already promised Loke I’d go over to his house to play Smash Bros,” Gray complained loudly, earning him a glare from his twin sister.

“You can do that any time, you know how much Wendy looks forward to her dance class,” Ultear reminded him before adding with a glint in her eye, “Are you really gonna make her miss it just so you can go play some video game?”

"Dancing is stupid," Gray grumbled in defeat, and Ultear grinned knowingly. There was no way he would disappoint their little sister, and she knew it.

Gray adored Wendy, she was sweet and kind but almost painfully shy. You could usually find her playing with their white cat Carla, or hiding behind a book. Whenever anyone outside of the family tried to talk to her, her face would turn a worrisome shade of red, and she'd begin to stutter. She was also notoriously clumsy.

Both of these things had decided their mother to put her in a class at the local dance studio a few months ago. At first, Wendy had cried and refused to go, but when she saw her mother wasn't backing down, she caved, even trying to be enthusiastic about picking out her dance outfit and slippers.

After a few lessons, Wendy had slowly begun to come out of her shell. She'd made a few friends, and she'd started dancing around the house, practicing her steps to impress her teacher, a woman by the name of Natsu, if Gray remembered correctly.

Gray had to admit his mother had been right. Wendy seemed to be doing better, she was no ballerina, but it always brought a smile to his face to see her trying her best to dance. He supposed taking her wouldn't be that bad, maybe he could treat her to some ice cream afterward at the shop next to the studio. It would ruin her dinner, but it would serve Ultear right for sticking this on him.

A few minutes later, Wendy stood in front of him dressed in her dance clothes and gazing up at him hopefully.

“You ready?”

She smiled at him and nodded.

“Thanks for taking me,” Wendy confided, ”I was afraid I was gonna have to miss it.”

“It’s fine,” Gray waved her concern away as they started walking towards the studio, “How long is this class anyway?”

“Just an hour.”

“Do I have to go in with you?”

"Nah, you stay in the waiting room, but you can watch me from the TV if you want," She looked down at the ground shyly, and he smiled to himself.

He’d make a point to watch for a little while so he could compliment her. She remained quiet for the rest of the ten-minute walk, gripping her dance bag tightly, occasionally taking her water bottle out for a drink.

They arrived a few minutes early, and Wendy changed out of her shoes and into her pink slippers, chatting with some of the other girls as she did so. Gray was already bored. He was about to sit and play on his phone when he happened to glance up at one of the screens, which was showing one of the classrooms.

A guy was standing by himself in front of a mirror and Gray began to turn away when the guy started to dance. The classroom must have been soundproofed, Gray couldn't hear any music, but it was clear the guy was moving to a rhythm.

Gray had never seen anyone so graceful in his life, male or female. Every movement was fluid, and even though it was clear the guy was focusing on his routine, his face was filled with joy as he moved. It was breathtaking, and Gray couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen, hypnotized by every move.

This guy was fit, his tights, did male dancers wear tights? Well, pants, clung to his muscles and since his shirt was off, Gray could admire his torso to his heart's content. His routine was entertaining, a combination of gymnastic elements and moves that Gray couldn't name but knew he'd seen before. Some even reminded him of martial arts. It wasn't at all what he expected from a dance routine.

Though the quality of the camera was not the best, Gray could definitely tell the dancer was very good looking, and he thought the guy seemed vaguely familiar, although he couldn't pinpoint where from. Gray was so caught up in the performance he didn't notice Wendy and her friends giggling at him until Wendy pulled on his shirt. He grudgingly turned away from the screen and gave her his attention, not hearing the door open up behind them.

"What's up, Squirt?"

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for ages,” Wendy complained, “I wanted to introduce you to my friends.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “Why were you watching the TV anyway? I thought you said dancing was stupid.”

Gray rubbed the back of his neck as he felt the glare of several pre-teen girls and their mothers at Wendy’s words. Had he said that? Well, he'd just changed his mind. Dancing was not stupid at all, it was hot as hell.

“That’s a shame, you certainly have the body for it,” A voice from behind him said, and before he had a chance to turn around or respond to what he thought was a compliment his sister completely lost her shit.

Gray turned around to an unexpected sight.

"Natsu!" Wendy, his usually quiet and shy sister, was squealing with delight, hug tackling the dancer Gray had been watching, who'd put on a shirt and was now surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls.

Natsu took it in stride, ruffling Wendy's hair and grinning at her. "Hey, Wendy, did you have a nice week?"

All this time he’d imagined Wendy’s teacher as a nice older woman who wore her hair up in a bun and carried a stick around to count off the steps. How wrong he’d been.

Natsu looked to be about his age and dear God, he was gorgeous. His hair was the pink of every flower Gray had ever considered beautiful, his eyes a shade of green that was both warm and expressive, reminding Gray of a warm summer’s day.

Oh my God, I sound like a fucking Hallmark card!

If Gray hadn't already known he was gay, he was pretty sure he'd be having an awakening right about now. He felt the draw of those beautiful eyes as they peered at him with open curiosity.

“You must be Gray,” Natsu directed a blinding smile at him as he extended his hand in greeting, “Wendy talks about you all the time. I’m Natsu, Wendy’s teacher, nice to meet you.”

"I'm Gray," Gray realized to his chagrin that he'd just repeated what Natsu had said. What was wrong with him? He was never this flustered around other guys, no matter how good looking they happened to be, but he couldn't get the way Natsu's lithe body moved as he danced out of his mind. Gray managed to shake Natsu's hand without making a further fool out of himself, and he dearly hoped that Natsu hadn't noticed his infatuation.

Natsu laughed at him good-naturedly, before clapping his hands to get the girls attention. “Alright girls, everybody in the classroom. We have a lot of work to do for the recital.”

The girls who’d been watching the two of them and giggling ran into the classroom in a large group. Natsu chuckled, “Well, they have a lot of energy tonight, I’m going to have my work cut out for me.”

He looked at Gray one last time before waving and entering the classroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

Gray found an empty chair, and before long he was once again glued to the TV, watching transfixed as Natsu had the girls sit in a circle. It was easy to see why all the girls adored him. While Gray couldn't hear what they were saying, he could see Natsu talking enthusiastically with all of them, his hands making broad gestures in the air for emphasis. There was a lot of laughter before he finally got them to focus, leading them in a series of warm-up exercises.

“You’re such a good brother,” A young mother praised him as she noticed him watching the class, “It’ll mean a lot to your sister to know you were watching her.”

Another woman snorted at the praise, but Gray ignored her. He noticed that a lot of the moms were watching the television, fond smiles on their faces.

“Natsu really is very good with them,” the same mother informed Gray, “And he’s an amazing dancer. I saw him compete once, won every category he was in.”

Gray continued to observe, making sure to pay attention to his sister who was by no means the best dancer there, but she made up for it by trying hard, and it warmed his heart with pride. He watched as Natsu took her aside at one point and worked with her when he noticed she was having trouble, encouraging her until she got it. The hour passed quickly, and Gray found he never looked at his phone once.

Towards the end of the class, Gray saw Wendy take a tumble as she tried to do a pirouette. She didn't get up right away, and he stood up quickly, ready to enter the classroom and get her when the door opened, and Natsu came out carrying Wendy in his arms, as the other girls huddled around them.

“I’m sorry,” Natsu announced to the parents, “I’ll need to end class a few minutes early so I can take a look at Wendy’s ankle.”

None of the parents complained, and Gray followed him as he carried Wendy into a back room. Wendy's eyes were shut tightly, and Gray could tell she was doing her best to hold back tears.

“What happened?” Gray asked, even though he’d seen it on the screen.

"She lost her balance and tripped, but she's gonna be just fine as soon as we put some ice on her ankle," Natsu assured both of them, "I checked it, and it doesn't seem to be very swollen, but it's best to treat it anyway."

Natsu set her down gently on a small sofa, motioning Gray to sit by her legs and elevate her ankle. He opened a freezer and moved some of the contents around until he found an ice pack. He knelt down by Gray’s legs as he wrapped the ice pack around Wendy’s ankle.

“You’ve just gotten your first official dancer’s injury,” Natsu’s eyes crinkled as he smiled at Wendy, “You’re definitely one of us now.”

Wendy opened her eyes and gave Natsu a weepy smile in return. Natsu fiddled with his watch and stood up. “Can I get either of you anything to drink?”

When they both shook their heads, Natsu grabbed Wendy's hand and squeezed it before letting go. "Hang in there kiddo, I know it's a little uncomfortable, but you need to keep that on for about fifteen minutes, I'll be back in a few, okay?"

“Okay,” Wendy replied, she took a shaky breath and pouted at the ice pack.

“You were doing pretty well in your lesson, you know, until this happened,” Gray offered, trying to get her mind off her ankle.

“You watched me?”

“Sure, who else would I watch?” Gray regretted his words as soon as he saw his sister smirk at him knowingly.

"Isn't Natsu a great dancer?" Wendy gushed, "He's won tons of competitions, and he has his own YouTube channel!"

He has his own YouTube channel? I am definitely looking that up when I get home.

"Oh, God, please don't watch that!" Natsu groaned as he overheard Wendy's words, "I only have that up so I can watch and compare videos easily. Especially the poomsaes." In the time he'd been gone he'd changed out of his dance clothes and into a pair of jeans and an MCR t-shirt.

He placed Wendy's bag at Gray's feet and put his own on a small table before grabbing a water bottle from the fridge and sitting across from Gray.

“Poomsaes? You do TaeKwonDo too?” Gray asked excitedly, “What belt are you?”

“Yeah, my dad thought Karate was too violent,” Natsu revealed, “I’m a Second Dan black belt.”

“I’m testing for my Second Dan in December,” Gray was excited to find they had something in common. “We should spar sometime,” Gray offered, excited by the prospect, “I could use the practice.”

"Sure, that'd be fun," Natsu agreed, "I have my sparring gear somewhere. I have a few competitions I have to get through first, though, I can't afford to get injured."

“What dojo do you go to? I hadn’t heard of any competitions coming up.”

Natsu laughed easily, “That’s because they’re dancing competitions. I go to Kian over on Broadway. ”

“That’s where I recognized you from!” Gray snapped his fingers in an aha gesture.

"How long have you been dancing for anyway? I was watching you earlier, you're amazing!" Gray gushed and then blushed as he realized how he sounded, but thankfully Natsu didn't say anything about his little outburst.

"Uhm, It feels like forever?" Natsu scratched his head as he thought, shrugging when he couldn't come up with a number. His watch began to beep, and he focused his attention back on Wendy, stifling a laugh as he realized she'd fallen asleep.

"Poor kid, it looks like I tired her out. I'm gonna take the ice pack off her ankle now, and then I can drive you guys home."

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” Gray protested, feeling guilty that he’d forgotten all about his sister as he talked to the guy he most definitely had a crush on.

“I really do, she shouldn’t put any weight on her ankle for a while,” Natsu reasoned as he removed the ice pack, getting up to clean it before putting it back into the freezer.

“Besides, how else am I gonna find out where you live?” He added in a teasing tone.

“You want to know where I live?” Gray asked in surprise.

“Among other things, yeah,” Natsu grinned.

Gray wasn't sure what to make of that response, so he tried to play it cool, "Well, okay then, if it's not too much trouble."

“It’s not a big deal,” Natsu assured him, “Grab Wendy, I have to close up the studio real quick.”

Natsu grabbed his bag and draped it over his arm. He walked through the studio, turning off all the lights as Gray followed behind him carrying his sleeping sister in his arms. After locking up the studio for the night, they walked over to Natsu's car.

Wendy woke up when Gray tried to put the seat belt on her, confused about her surroundings but rather cheerful to see Natsu was still with them.

The short ride home was spent with Wendy firing question after question at Natsu while Gray tried not to stare as he offered directions.

He'd hoped to be able to talk to Natsu some more, but to his disappointment, he saw his father was outside smoking a cigarette. As soon as the car parked in the driveway, Silver Fullbuster walked up to them.

“Is everything okay?”

“Daddy!” Wendy undid her seatbelt and lowered the window, “I got my first dancer’s injury, I’m a real dancer now!”

“Is that so?” Silver smiled at Wendy’s enthusiasm. He peered into the driver’s seat and recognized Natsu, “Oh hey, Natsu! What happened?”

"She took a fall and sprained her ankle, I didn't want her to put any weight on it, so I offered to drive them home," Natsu hurried to explain, "She should be fine in a day or two, there wasn't much swelling."

"Well, thanks for that," Silver peered into the car as he got Wendy and picked her up, "Gray, are you getting out?"

"Uhm, yeah," Gray replied quickly, grabbing the handle and opening the door, "It was nice to meet you."

"Oh, hey, did you want to stay for dinner?" Silver asked, "My other son won't be here, so there should be plenty."

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Natsu answered politely.

“Nonsense, I insist.”

Gray could almost kiss his dad, he was so thrilled to get to spend more time with his new friend. Okay, calling Natsu a friend might be pushing it, but whatever he was still happy.

Natsu turned off his car and got out, following them inside.

“Gray, could you let Ul know we have a guest?”

Silver put Wendy down on the sofa and handed her the remote while he went upstairs to check on his wife.

"Yeah," Gray replied, leaving Natsu with Wendy as he headed into the kitchen.

“Who the hell is that?” Ultear whispered as she peeked at Natsu through the kitchen door.

“That’s Natsu, Wendy’s dance teacher, he’s staying for dinner.”

“That’s Wendy’s dance teacher?!” Ultear marveled as she gave him a thorough once over, “Damn he’s hot, all this time I thought it was some old lady. Do you think he teaches adults?”

“Hey! Back off!” Gray snapped at his twin sister.

"Oh, ho!" Ultear immediately teased, "Got a crush already? Damn, I should have taken Wendy to her class and made *you* cook!"

“It’s bad enough you’re going to poison him with your cooking,” Gray stuck his tongue out at his sister before rummaging through the cabinets and drawers, collecting all the things necessary to set the table.

“For your information, I made lasagna, so no one is getting poisoned tonight,” Ultear protested, punching her brother in the shoulder.

Gray laughed, "Well, thank God for that, I might have a chance if he doesn't think about throwing up every time he thinks of me."

Ultear smirked and muttered something under her breath as Gray left to set the table.

“Hey, I heard that!”

Ultear giggled and went back to preparing the salad she’d been working on.

xxx

"It means summer in Japanese, my parents met in Japan in the summer, so they thought it would be romantic to name me that."

Gray could hear Natsu talking to his parents as he set the table and went into the living room to join them, watching with a bit of envy as Wendy draped her head over Natsu's shoulder which he didn't seem to mind.

Throughout the conversation, he learned that Natsu's mother had passed away a few years ago, and he was an only child. Before they could ask Natsu any more questions, Ultear called them to the table.

"So, Natsu, what made you decide to start dancing?" Silver asked in between bites, "It's an odd choice for a boy, isn't it?"

“Dad!” Ultear and Gray chorused, both utterly mortified by their father’s comment.

Natsu chuckled, “It’s fine, he’s right. My mom was a professional dancer, she’s the one who first taught me. I like to think it keeps her close to me.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up,” Silver apologized, “Do you go to the same school as Gray?”

"I don't go to school actually, I'm homeschooled," Natsu announced, not seeming uncomfortable in the slightest by his father's questions. He took a bite out of the lasagna, and his face lit up, "This is really good!"

“Thank you! At least someone appreciates my cooking,” Ultear glowed at the compliment.

“We mostly get take out since neither my dad nor I really know how to cook, so thanks for this,” Natsu rewarded Ultear with one of his wide and toothy grins and Gray could practically feel her melting next to him.

They got through the rest of dinner mostly unscathed, although Gray did learn that Natsu had ADHD and the reason he didn’t go to school is he’d gotten into trouble a lot with his teachers because of it.

Natsu had to leave after dinner, and Ultear sent him home with a plate for his father which he accepted gratefully. He said goodbye to everyone and asked Gray to walk him to his car.

Gray trudged after him wondering what Natsu wanted to talk to him about, but excited to get to spend some time alone with him.

Natsu waited until they were outside before blurting out, "So, are we engaged now?"

“What?!” Gray stammered in consternation.

Natsu’s slapped his thigh as he took in Gray’s panicked expression, his laugh loud and warm as he quickly assured Gray, “Relax, I was just joking. Dinner was nice.”

“Besides, what makes you think I’d be interested,” Gray grumbled, trying to hide his excitement at the fact that Natsu seemed to be just as interested in him.

“Well for one, I’m pretty sure the looks you were giving me at the studio might be illegal in at least ten states,” Natsu retorted, green eyes sparkling with amusement.

Gray’s face turned ashen as his hopes that Natsu hadn’t noticed his ogling were shattered.

“So, are you going to make me wait until next week to see you again, or can I ask you out on a date, seeing as your sister never actually sprained her ankle.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been teaching your sister for months, and while she can be clumsy at times that fall was obviously faked,” Natsu reported then added with an eye roll, “Not to mention she showed me the wrong ankle.”

"If you didn't think it was real, why did you go to all the trouble to treat it?"

"Well, she's a good kid, and she went to all the trouble, I figured I'd see what you were about," Natsu showed the first hint of shyness as he admitted his intentions.

Gray didn’t know how to respond to that, but he liked the way Natsu could switch from being cocky to shy in the blink of an eye. He decided to ask him something instead, “Why do you like dancing so much? I mean when I was watching you had this look on your face…”

“Well part of it is it reminds me of my mom, but it’s more than that,” Natsu explained looking into Gray’s eyes as he added, “When I was little she taught me that dancing wasn’t really about the steps, it was about freedom and expressing joy with your body. That’s what I hold onto.”

“She sounds amazing,” Gray spoke quietly.

“She was,” Natsu looked sad for a minute but then tilted his head to look into Gray’s eyes as he asked, “So do you really think dancing is stupid?”

Gray was embarrassed at being called out on his earlier words, but he was definitely enjoying having Natsu's eyes on him. He answered honestly, "No, not anymore. I know it's corny, but when I watched you, you made me feel like dancing too."

Gray felt like he’d won a prize when he saw Natsu’s eyes light up at his answer,

"So…uhm date. Yes or no?" Natsu asked, still looking a tad nervous, "Maybe I could show you a few moves."

“I’d like that, you busy Friday night?”

“I am now,” Natsu looked relieved as he took his phone out of his pocket so they could exchange numbers.

Natsu got into his car after promising to call the next day. On a whim, Gray leaned in and kissed him chastely on the lips before gently tapping the hood of the car and waving. “See you Friday.”

Gray snickered at the look of utter astonishment on Natsu’s face, that was immediately followed by a devious smile. It was the type of smile that implied mischief, and suddenly Gray couldn’t wait until Friday, he got the feeling their relationship would be an interesting one.

A/N: This was written for my friend Liz, I really hope you like it!

[sqoiler]

i have FOUR (4) WIPs

desiderium - told in two POVs--one is robin, a girl running from her past and heading towards the fairies, who know where the dragons are, since the dragons probably know what the cure to the mysterious illness is. the other is rebecca, a princess who must entertain a royal embassy from another country that contains the prince she’s supposed to marry. (she doesn’t want to marry him). their stories intertwine and are connected in more ways than one. 

the westwoods- the westwoods are a rich, influencer/ex-reality TV show family who travel in a pack to a small town in virginia every summer. annie is the friend of marian, one of the westwood teens, and she’s trying to enjoy her summer when she comes across one of her peers, dead. because they discovered his body, annie and marian have to try and solve the murder before it’s pinned on them. (annie and marian are NOT gay for each other but marian has a girlfriend already and annie’s love interest is marian’s trans cousin. so.)

broken glass slippers (glued back together)* - ella is a servant in her own home until she meets the prince and gets engaged to him. however, the prince is suffering from an unnamed illness and ella wants to try and help her new fiance and balance her secret meetings in the woods. however, whenever she goes into the woods she keeps meeting a strange creature......

rat* - the story of a street kid named rat slumming it up in a fictional victorian london-esque city. rat is the leader of a gaggle of street kids and has found himself under the wing of an elderly aristocrat. when the prince found murdered, rat is charged to go to the castle for the funeral in the place of his new patron. however, whilst there he meets the mysterious fiancee of the dead prince and finds himself entangled with her and with the past.......

*title in progress

[go-diane-winchester]

How Misha ruined slash fiction

THIS IS AN EDITED REPOST.

I first got into fandom slash fiction because of Lord of the Rings.  Before that I had no idea there were others like me.  The Ringers, as I prefer to call them, were the nicest slash fans and gave me the erroneous impression that slashers are really lovely girls.  How wrong I was.  But almost twenty years ago, I [and my generational demographic] had the semblance of mind to differentiate between fact and fantasy.  I came across the definition of slash fiction, way back then.  Its was generically defined as fanwork done by women for women.  Of course one would argue that men like slash fiction too.  Correction.  Straight and Bi women like slash fiction.  Gay or bisexual men like Bara.  That is something that they indulge in because it is attractive to them.  How trans people fit into this dynamic, would be an interesting study for the future and I have already done a post on that subject. 

Straight women are completely different.  How straight women show their attraction and what they are attracted to, is completely different to what gay or bi men like.  Even bisexual women are still women and still writing from a female perspective.  For decades, and I am counting the pre-star trek era, that was how things were.  Women, for decades, had no other platform for sexual expression except slash fiction.  The phenomenon started in the East, and spread all over the world.  But Eastern and Western slash are completely different from one another.  Why don't women just write something with a man and a woman?  This is where we notice that slashers and other women are completely different.  Slashers don't like to watch another woman’s love story.  Its not satisfying for us.  We can write ourselves as the other half of a pairing, like a Mary Sue scenario, but to be honest, its not the most popular genre because the only woman truly satisfied with the story is the writer herself.  Women, very seldom, bond over Mary Sues.  But slash stories are discussed as a way of bonding over a common interest.    

Classic slash was hidden.  It was underground, which was good because the uncultured riff raff stayed away.  It was the ultimate girl talk.  It surprised us, how similar our desires were and what we found attractive.  Remember the faulty character Becky Rosen?  Even though she is problematic, the moment Sam licked his thumb and wiped the ink stain off her nose, many of us turned into embarrassing swoony puddles.  Why?  He was cleaning her nose, for goodness sake.  What’s so cute about that?  I don’t know.  We all just gushed at him.  Remember Dean spinning the Impala in the episode “Baby”.  I played that bit again and again.  It had nothing to with sex.  Dean was handling a car but I remember having a flushed face over it.   

I read somewhere that foreplay starts in the kitchen.  This applies to women anyway.  So warming your girl up starts way before you even get her to the bedroom.  So you start with a candle lit dinner and soft music and slow dancing.  While he may be ready when he walks in through the door, she will need wining, dining, dancing and lovey dovey talk to get interested.  Usually.  Sometimes, she will appear suddenly turned on, but no, she just saw her husband helping an old man cross the street, and she thought ’‘why is he so stinking cute?  Wait till I get my hands on him’’.  But that is once in a while.  We don’t switch on and off like men.  We are, by nature, cautious creatures.  Getting us in the mood is as important as the act of lovemaking itself.  That is why art that is geared to women, generally, is over-the-top and melodramatic, indulging the foreplay more than the sex. 

Ryan Gosling with a boom box [or whatever you call that thing] standing on top a car, confessing his undying love = foreplay.  Jack Dawson making Rose stand at the head of the ship [or whatever you call it], making her imagine she’s flying = foreplay. Is it necessary to the story?  Nope.  Will the Titanic stay buoyant because Jack didn’t make Rose fly?  Nah, its will still sink.  Do we like it, nonetheless?  Oooh, yeah.  

For the past 80 or so years, we have kept slash fiction solely to ourselves because:

men wont appreciate it because its not their “thing”

men will misunderstand it [case in point: Misha Collins]

because it was sexual fantasy and some of us would prefer not to share that openly. 

Did male actors speak about it when they did find out?  Yes, in passing, especially if they were the subject of the story.  A reporter or crew member would always tell them.  In the case of J2, Kim Manners apparently told them what he had found on the internet.  The Lord of the Rings cast found out because of Peter Jackson.  What was their reaction?  The same as all the other actor’s reactions: They would smirk/laugh about it, make a joke and move on.  Then Misha Collins came along.  The first time he had spoken about slash fiction, I had winced.  Apparently, judging from the audience reaction, so had they.  We really didn’t want this spoken about, openly, for two reason. 

1]  He was speaking to a general audience during his panel.  Some of them don’t care for slash fiction and no, homophobia has nothing to do with it.  If it doesn’t float your boat, it just doesn’t.  Keep throwing the word homophobia around, unnecessarily, and its going to eventually lose its effectiveness because it is frequently being used to bully people into doing what you want, rather than for equality.  So no, Jensen Ackles is not a homophobe because he doesn’t want to be up close and personal with Misha Collins.  Grow up. 

2]  The sane slashers of those days, [and it was a decade ago] didn’t want their personal naughty little secrets spoken about so candidly in a public setting.  Why?  Let me illustrate.  If you tell your friends, in a personal setting, how you like when a man runs his hands all over your body, it will illicit some “oohs” and giggles followed by their own contributions to the discussion.  If you are sitting with that same gaggle of friends at a crowded restaurant and you say the same thing loudly for the whole room to hear, what will they think of you, especially if they have children with them. 

Slash used to be one of those things a lady never spoke about in public, no matter how empowered she thought she was.  Personally, I don’t think a lady has to relinquish her femininity and decency in order to feel empowered.  That’s why I don’t like women, like Kim and Briana, who call themselves bitches to show how tough they are.  Sure, I will break a man's face, if he puts his hands on me, but that doesn’t mean that I have no feminine qualities, and I won't exhibit this aggressive side of myself with a loving and caring man.  I guess things have changed since the early days, and women are different now.  But this is just my opinion and not relevant to the subject at hand.

If Misha knew how to gauge the audience, he would have understood there and then, that this is not a suitable topic to indulge in, where the audience was mixed and included some younger people, i.e., teens and children.  What he did, was to keep running his mouth off about something he didn’t know.  And its shows in the way he refers to Destiel as pseudo-porn.  His fans were very angry about it, because it lessened their artistic efforts to pornography and nothing else.  He said he went on Wikipedia to learn more about slash fiction.  For a man who went to university, he is not very smart.  If you have ever done any academic research report at university level, you will know that any report that includes citations from Wikipedia are immediately rejected. 

Wikipedia is an unreliable source of convoluted, opinionated information that is sometimes not quantifiable and therefore cannot act as an academic resource.  Plus anyone can edit those pages, no matter what agenda they have or how stupid they are.  This fool didn’t know that.  So he started to “educate” the still fixated younger batch [who have now grown into the hellers we loathe with gusto] in the audience and on YouTube as to what slash fiction was and that is why they like him so much.  While other actors speak a line about it and move onto another topic, Professor Knowitall esq. will give his rather young audience a lecture on a subject he knows nothing about, thereby conditioning them to think that slash fiction is something that it isn’t.  Is he that stupid or that arrogant?

If you look through Wikipedia, it will give you the impression that slash is homosexual in nature, and that it is an expression of gay love.  The fact that those stories and artwork originated with straight women and are powered by the artistic efforts of straight women, is ignored.  There are topics about queer recognition and LGBT relevance on that page.  The page isn’t telling you what slash fiction is.  It is telling you what other groups feel about it.  I can tell you, almost a century ago, slash fans were not indulging this art form for those reasons.  They were doing it for their own satisfaction.  If other people like it too, that’s fine and dandy, but it is not about them.  And what Misha has done with this fandom, which is bleeding into other fandoms via intrusive destiel fans, is to make slash about the LGBT. 

That is why gay men are now getting angry because young impressionable girls are listening to him and turning a straight/bi female art form into an inaccurate gay platform.  They are using things like closetedness, gay bashings, bigotry and even AIDS as a gay “trope” or theme for their stories.  Gay men fought to change the name ''Gay Cancer'' to AIDS, because it was erroneously being considered a homosexual disease, and yet years later, we have a ''fake'' inclusive generation celebrating a story like ''Twist and Shout".  No wonder gay men hate teen slash girls.  If you write about a subject you know nothing of, you will write it wrong.  These children [because they behave like that] are writing about some very sensitive and serious topics and they are romanticizing them.  What person wont get angry? 

In the old days, the two people who made up a pairing, were differentiated, by using two words:  Seme and Uke.  While slash was a straight female art form, gay men didn’t give two hoots about these words.  They didn’t read the stuff.  They didn’t care.  They had bara.  When “woke and non-bigoted, inclusive” slash fans started speaking for gay men through their stories despite the fact that these men have a voice of their own, the guys got angry because they don’t have a seme and uke role type in their relationships.  Well, of course they don’t.  Slash is not about gay men.  Its about straight women and their sexual expression.  And in their fantasies, there are seme’s and uke’s. 

That is another problem with the Wikipedia page.  When you look at the history, it starts with Kirk and Spock.  The dunderhead who wrote that page, didn’t know that slash started in the east, probably Japan, although Hong Kong might dispute that.  When it became animated in the 1970’s, the anime version was called Yaoi.  The Japanese were actually making money from slash fiction way back when, by making comic type books, essentially novels with pictures.  And it was those translated stories, which were almost always set in another world, that gave birth to Kirk/Spock slash fiction.  Star Trek is also set in another world so to speak.  The westerners got hold of these books when the Asians immigrated.  The first slash stories were actually distributed in conventions, because the internet didn't exist back then. 

There is only one other person who over-indulged his slash fan base.  Harry Styles.  He regretted it, because it ruined his friendship.  So he stopped.  But he had a good excuse.  He was between the ages of 15 and 19 whilst in 1 Direction.  He was a baby and didn’t know any better.  Harry learned his lesson within five years and stopped.  Misha has been on the show for ten years. He was in his mid thirties when he started on Supernatural.  He was already a grown man who has no excuse, because he is not stupid.  With the amount of damage the militant destiel fans have done, you would think that he would stop.  He doesn’t.  Because it gives him staying power. 

The one thing I have noticed is, overindulging a slash fan [not necessary a heller - any slash fan] is like feeding a Mogwai after midnight.  It turns into an uncontrollable gremlin.  That is exactly what Misha’s militant fanbase is: a hideous collection of gremlins that he overfed and now they are attacking any mogwai that doesn’t show gremlin traits, even if they are mild-mannered destiel fans who don't like the leads beings threatened.  What Misha’s dumb section have now done, is that they have taken slash fiction itself, and turned it into an increasingly hateful and problematic concept.  Because, the general public, which includes J2 [because they have nothing to do with slash fiction], now have the impression that slash is a means of bullying and putting your indulgences before other peoples’ opinions and dignity, in the name of representation. 

It also give the impression, to unknowing people, that homosexuals are boisterous and demanding people and you have to please them or else.  The general public don’t know that predominantly female, heterosexual, entitled princesses are writing this crap.  They think that gays are pushing slash fiction because words like gay, queer and LGBT keep popping up in a pro-destiel argument.  Any gay man reading this, take heed, because these children are damaging your collective reputations.  And if you don’t deal with it now, the PR headache you are going to have to deal with, in the future, as a group, is going to be immense. And it won’t even be your fault, but you will be blamed for it.  How do you go about doing that?  Speak directly to Misha.  Shut up the master Gremlin-Troll himself.  Tell him he is doing you a great disservice.  After all, the mostly straight heller girls are speaking for you and he is pushing the microphones into their hands. 

I always liked slash because not only was it a means of female sexual expression, but it was also a means of female creativity.  Sure, we all like Cinderella, but it was lukewarm for some of us because, she was difficult to emulate.  And growing up, we didn’t know she was a character to enjoy, not to emulate.  Children always emulate what they see on screen.  She was thin, pretty, a good singer with nice hair and small feet.  I am club footed, bipolar and fat, with a lion’s mane that brushes broke on.  I felt sorry for her because she was abused.  I felt sorry for her because she was crying at one point.  Then I remembered what I look like when I cry.  Soft tears don't roll gently down my pink cheeks.  Snot rolls down my nose, careening to the inside of my mouth.  Not pretty.  Not delicate.  The story was nice but it left me feeling inadequate.  Some women love it.  Others, like myself, are “meh” about it. 

When I read a bemusing slash version with actors in place of the fictional cast, I read the whole story smirking.  I didn’t begrudge the beautiful lead [I think it might have been Jensen] because I was as besotted with him as Prince Charming was [presumably Jared].  I didn’t want to be him.  I wanted him.  I wanted the prince too, just FYI.  I could be a fly on the wall in the story, without actually picturing how my insignificant self would fit into the story.  That is what slash fiction meant to me.  It was an escapist art form into a fantasy 'verse, that is custom made to put a smile on my face. 

Now, Prince Charming is fighting for gay rights against his bigoted father, the king, and Cinderella is beaten by his ugly step siblings because he is a homo.  And I look at it and blink.  I am not the audience for this story.  Empathy is one thing, but replacing your sexuality with someone else’s, is something else all together.  Especially since every slash story now, seems to be about gay characters and gay rights and homophobia.  Slash has turned into a one trick pony.  How much could you write about gay rights?  Slash’s creativity is running on autopilot.  Take your ship, make them gay, make one closeted and unhappy, make the other out and happy, throw in a gay oriented trope, even AIDS [no decency threshold] and boom!  You've got a story.  

They’ve been writing in this way for the last ten years and they’ve ruined the whole genre.  So much so, that destiel and cockles stories aren’t enjoyed by anyone except destiel fans, because Misha and Cas are in those stories.  And he is always written as a precious smol bean.  At this juncture, I have to point out that, to be fair, other ships on Supernatural and other fandoms are doing the same thing, because destiel fans bend the will of others to their own.  I heard they are actually tagging destiel into posts about other shows.  Other bloggers noticed that destiel and Misha are in Mother Nature tag.  They don't even leave Mother Nature alone.  Why?  Because Misha has turned a harmless indulgence into an addiction.  He is their only dealer and pursuing canon gives them their fix.  They are gremlins on crack with stunted creativity. 

Of course, the children argue that they can't read an unrealistic story which is why slash characters have to instead be gay.  Oh yeah, then how come in Cockles stories, Misha is something pregnant.  Sometimes, he is a pregnant wolf.  So you can take your “realism” and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.  When you write a totes realistic story, with gay characters rather than slash characters, you are disrespecting three groups of people:   

the actors, who are your, sometimes, unwilling muses 

the homosexual community, that you have absolutely no right to speak for

the earlier  slash fans who nurtured this art form, before you ''woke'' idiots came barreling in, with your inclusiveness, and flushed their efforts down the toilet, all at the behest on one selfish man. 

Decent slashers say:  This is a work of fiction and has no bearings on reality.  Then they go out of their way to not include themes that are synonymous with the gay community.  The characters in a properly written story are never explicitly gay.  They just like some guy, even though last week they were with a girl.  And no, that doesn’t make them bisexual either.  Remember, slash is a  platform with a large percentage of straight females and bisexuals don’t want you speaking for them, either.  Otherwise, nobody will dispute the hellers for saying that Dean is bi because he wore a purple shirt, once.  The fed up bisexuals reading insulting meta on how Dean is bisexual, because of his food and clothing choices, are a case in point.  So the character are fantasy slash characters.  If I were to coin a word, then they are slashsexual.  

They are just muses for the woman’s sexual expression.  We don’t need to tell them what we are doing, thereby putting them in an uncomfortable position to amend or dispute our opinion about the subject.  That is plain rude and borderline sexual harassment.  Even if we are women and they are men.  Treat them with the same dignity that you demand for yourself.  Its got nothing to do with them.  Don’t ask them.  Misha, on the other hand, has no shame and will therefore never turn down a question.  He will answer the question in a way that his gullible fangirls like, inflating his ego and giving him permanence in the show.  Has Misha caused irreparable damage?  I am afraid so.  Older women, in the SPN fandoms, get caught up in life so they don’t indulge in slash as much.  And so the brats are running this art form to the ground, teaching nonsense to those that are younger than them, parroting whatever crap Misha spews about slash fiction, in the name of sexual equality, representation and the LGBT. I am not even counting their online behaviour, just pointing out their horrible handling of slash fiction at the behest of Misha Collins.  They still listen to him and its going to get worse and worse, until slash fiction becomes THE most hateful thing about fan culture.   

Please note:

The analysis of slash fiction does not include tinhatting.  Tinhats do not believe that the people they are writing about are mere muses.  Cockles fans and J2 Tinhats believe that they people they are writing about, really are gay, but closeted due to public shame and ostracization.  Tinhats, at least the ones that I came across, do not like to be seen as shippers.  They are a separate entity altogether.  That would be a fascinating topic for the future.  Thank you to the tinhat who reminded me of this, because I completely forgot. 

[lids-flutter-open]

gay goth boy trans ftm4ftm story chapter 4 under cut. 

content warning: f*g used by gays in punk songs/underage substance use

Chapter 4

Goat Mansion already had a lot of people sitting outside when I got there, which was way too early. The sun was still on the edge of the horizon. I parked my car two streets away, since I don’t like being a designated driver for more than my friends. I walked over to the house, approaching from the street side, and saw the gaggle of people from half a block away. They were sitting on the sidewalk and gathered in a little circle near the fence that divides Goat Mansion space from the edge of the public lands by the train tracks. The teenage goth kids were fraternizing with some crust punks and some people who might have been homeless teenagers from the group that lives in the train tunnel downtown. I didn’t recognize anyone, which made sense because OVID was coming from out of town so probably brought out different fans. One of the teenage goth kids had a thing of cheap boxed red wine but had taken the wine bag out of the box and was passing it around to her friends, having everyone chug, shouting BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. One of the girls with her let the wine overflow her mouth and run down to soak into her black mesh shirt. They were all about my age or a little younger. I thought it looked like fun, but I don’t like drinking, so I didn’t get too close as I made my way around the house to the back. I knew people would be starting a bonfire. 

Bonfires in late summer are hard, because lately there’s been a burn ban for longer and longer into the autumn. This September, there hadn’t been enough rain to totally put everyone in the clear. And nobody wants to start a wildfire. But Goat Mansion has a rock pit that’s pretty big, and it’s easy to put out the fire with sand and water if it gets too much or starts sparking. When I got there, Acorn was piling the logs up and working with a piece of flint to spark it. Xie doesn’t use any gasoline because, again, too much risk for a big burn that gets out of control. 

“Hey,” I said to Acorn. “Seen anyone from Rocketpizza yet?”

Acorn turned. “Oh, hey, James,” xie said. Xie nodded hir head towards the sliding doors at the back of the house. “Just Ian. I think he was with Ken earlier, but Ken said something about 4Lokos and walked to the store and hasn’t come back.”

“Who’s buying Ken 4Lokos? That sounds like a bad start to the night,” I said. “Has anyone here brought up that sober space thing they’re trying at Fleur’s North? Suggested having a sober only show sometimes?”

“No, we’ve always kinda been a party house. Not likely to change. Somewhere needs to be messy. People don’t like it, they move. Why?”

“There’s definitely some visible and intense public underage drinking happening out front right now.”

“Shit,” Acorn said. “Is it those goth kids?” Xie pushed hir hair out of hir eyes. Acorn has really long hair and a beard that increases in both length and glossy volume every time I see hir.  Xie wears mascara to shows. Tonight xie had on a Carly Rae Jepsen shirt and a plaid skirt. 

“Yeah,” I said. “Nobody from Compton, but definitely under eighteen. You want me to go tell them to come back here and be more discreet?”

“Just like, get them some water and tell them to chill. They’re gonna pass out before the show even starts, or start moshing and hurting someone. I hate when there’s too many teens at shows. No offense,” xie added. “I forget you’re a teen because you’re chill.”

“I don’t drink much. If I did I’d probably be rowdier. It is a teen band tonight. Or like, two, actually. With Quince Quest.”

“Maybe I’ll make some food and cultivate a chill pre-show vibe and get some calories in the kids. Some bread. It’s not that I don’t want them to enjoy music.” Acorn prodded the little fire that was starting in the pit. “Just like, read the agreements for the space that we put on all the doors of the space, you know?”

The agreements, for Goat Mansion, on all the doors, were as follows:

NO NAZIS OR RAPISTS.

DO NOT fucking come to a show looking to start a fucking fight. 

NO COPS

Don’t get fucking wasted before 10 PM. 

Don’t touch anyone without asking

NO SMOKING OR DRINKING ON THE STOOP. Come to the backyard.

DO NOT MESS AROUND ON THE STREET! Come to the backyard.

IF YOU MAKE A MESS HELP CLEAN IT.

IF THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER, OR THE TOILET FLOODS, PLEASE YELL FOR ASSISTANCE. DO NOT SNEAK AWAY. 

FOR REAL ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING OR SMOKING ON STOOP. FOR REAL. THERE IS A BACKYARD.

It was a pretty concise list that covered most things that anyone cared about. And it was pretty easy to follow, though of course I had no way of knowing if any nazis or rapists ignored the first bullet point. 

I went around the corner of the house and into the kitchen. I filled a big old plastic pitcher that seemed relatively clean with tap water and grabbed a sleeve of plastic cups from under the sink. I knew where everything was here, even though I didn’t have any friends who lived here any more except Acorn. Last year I had been the one to clean the kitchen for the first time in a decade and stock it with plastic cups. If you don’t have cups everyone ends up drinking out of the tap like dogs or just getting disgustingly dehydrated. 

“Hey,” I called to the goth kids, stepping out on the front porch, “You all look like you might need some water soon.”

“Thanks,” the mesh shirt girl said. 

“You’re starting early. Can you bring the party around back? We don’t like annoying neighbor people too much. They call the cops sometimes,” I said. “There’s more room back there, too.” I felt okay bossing them because none of the goth kids would have the nerve to question the authority of someone who was wearing safety pin earrings like they were. 

“No problem,” the girl holding the blood bag of wine said. She giggled to her friends, probably about how messy they were being. 

I sat around with the goths by the smoking baby bonfire and smoked a bowl alone before I saw Ian. He was walking quickly around the corner of the house, looking like the human embodiment of that cat meme where the cat is grimacing. I got up and jogged after him. 

“What’s the deal with Ken?” I asked, catching him by the elbow. “Heard he like left and didn’t come back?”

“Don’t fucking ask,” Ian said. He had glitter makeup on, which I thought was cute, if a little 2012. He looked really good. “Ken’s fucking gone as far as I’m concerned. Which is whatever. We knew this day was coming.”

“Wait, Rocketpizza is still performing, right?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “Some kid from Centralia who’s playing drums for Quince Quest is here, she said she’d do drums for me.  We went over the basic stuff with the songs earlier. She can’t be any worse than Ken would be. He was getting plastered at noon when I went over there today. I have no idea where he is.”

“Dude, that fucking sucks,” I said. 

“I mean, you guys were all absolutely correct about him. I’m stressed right now but I’ll be fine.”

“Where’s swimmer boy?”

“We broke up.”

“Shit, dude.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. I’ll process with you tomorrow.”

“You need help with merch?”

“Yes, absolutely. Later, though. No point right now. After the show. Right now we’re doing music setup shit since we’re on first.”

“At least you’ll have a crowd.”

“These druggy Seattle kids?” Ian rolled his eyes.

“They’re just drunk. I’m working on hydrating them.”

The sun was going down, and more people were arriving. I put Ian’s merch in a taped up box underneath the table by the door that had been set up to collect people’s pay-what-you-can donations to Goat Mansion. I wanted to talk to him more, but it was clear that wasn’t gonna happen. I sat with the table. Acorn was drawing smiley faces on the hands of people who paid. People who didn’t pay and didn’t get smiley faces wouldn’t get kicked out, but they might get snarked at by someone if they were being obnoxious and they wouldn’t be allowed to drink any house alcohol. Everyone expected the show to start one to three hours after the posted start time, but everyone turned up at the time on the posters anyway to smoke or catch up with people or drop their backpacks and walk eighteen blocks away to the store to buy beer. The sun slanted through the windows like liquid gold and someone put a VHS of Fire Walk With Me on in the living room, where it already smelled like cigarettes. It was all cis men in there, who seemed like they all knew each other and might be shitheads, so I stayed outside once the merch was set up. Everyone in the backyard was vivid shades of gold and pink and brown against the bright green of the trees. The smoke was rising more and more out of the fire pit. That was when I saw the guy from King David’s. Orsino. He was getting out of a pickup truck.

His hair was still fucked up and wispy orange and crackly from bleach, and he had a fucked up little mustache still, but he was wearing a different stupid shirt. This one was black, had a big gray alien head on it, and it said ROSWELL. It was tighter around his chest and stomach and arms than the dolphin shirt had been at the diner. He was wearing ripped up pants that terminated just below his knee. They looked like they’d been chewed by dogs. His calves were thick and covered in dark hair. He had on hiking boots with wool socks. He didn’t see me. As soon as he got out of the car, he turned back and started talking to someone on the driver’s side of the car. He was still somewhere between pretty hot and extremely hot. 

I saw the person get out on the other side of the car and realized that it was Jukebox. Jukebox had a guitar case with them and stuck around for just a second before heading into the garage, where I knew that Ian was setting up. Orsino said something to them and then walked toward the house, lighting a cigarette as he went.

I wondered what Orsino’s personality was like. I didn’t know Orsino at all. But I felt something about him already—something sort of like what Therese feels for Carol when she first sees Carol in The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith or Carol (2015). When her eyes go wide and she knows it doesn’t matter what happens next, because the important thing has already happened. She’s seen her. Or maybe that was dramatic, but like, I was a little stoned. I wondered if I should go say hi. 

“James!” Opal shouted at me from across the yard. 

I looked over to see Opal and Barb and Goober coming towards me, accompanied by a dude I didn’t know. Opal was wheeling their chair over the mangled grass. I hoped that there weren’t any nails around that might puncture the tires.

“Oh hey,” I said, waving. 

“Jamie!” Barb rushed in and gave me a hug. She has pink short hair and lots of sun freckles and deep wrinkles around her eyes. If you ignore her skin, she looks like she’s about sixteen. She’s always sort of manic and I think she’s really smart but you probably have to wait until four in the morning for her to start talking about smart people things. She reminds me of a version of my mom that took up dance and punk music and boxing instead of becoming a teacher. 

“This is Duke,” Opal said, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to the man. I looked up at him. He didn’t look trans. He had a really curly head of long back hair and a thick beard and a lot of tattoos and smiley eyes. He looked like a biker that a country singer would date.

“Sup,” Duke said. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re meeting everyone tonight,” Goober said, throwing her blond hair over one shoulder. “James works at Compton House too, with the teen council thing.”

“Hey Duke,” I said. “Nice to meet you. You like OVID?” I gave him a man handshake, with a firm grip. He looked like he would respect that.

“Yeah, since they got started I’ve come to almost every show,” Duke said. “Me and Stacey go way back.”

“Barb used to date Stacey, right?” I asked. “Is that how you guys know each other?” I wasn’t going to allude to the fact that Barb and Duke were fucking. 

“Kind of,” Barb said. She sat down on a stump next to me. “I love that we’re all here at this show together. I feel a great kind of continuity.” She grinned up at Duke, who looked at her with the most disgustingly lovey gaze I have ever seen in this world. I looked at Opal, who shrugged. 

“You seen Ian yet?” I asked Opal. 

“No. What’s up?” Opal could tell in my voice that something was wrong. 

“Ken is drunk somewhere and Ian is gonna do the show with a replacement drummer,” I said. 

“What? Who?”

“Some kid from the other band. Quince Quest.”

“The fuck he is. I’m gonna drum for him. I have to join his band,” Opal said. They started rolling their chair backward and pivoting it toward the garage.

“Maybe later,” I said. “Not tonight. He’s stressed. Swimmer boy troubles. Drummer troubles. Too much. He’ll snap at you.”

“I know his songs, dude,” Opal said. “I know he’s stressed, but I can do it better than a quince kid. I’ve been practicing on the drums at Barb’s.” 

“Do you need help getting to the garage?” I asked. There was a lot of gravel between here and there.

“I’m good, dude.” Opal turned away from me, and I felt a little abandoned.

“Do you want backup?”

“Let them go talk to him,” Goober said. “You’ll be all touchy feely and Opal will just boss him. That’s what he needs.”

“You said it,” Opal yelled over their shoulder. 

Duke turned to me. His eyes were irrepressibly crinkly. “So James. Barb talks about you and Opal and Compton House all the time. How long have you been on the Compton House teen council? What do you think of it?”

I shrugged. I didn’t want to give this guy too much of a leg up on the competition if he was really applying to be director. “I mean, it’s very important. We did an awareness training for a church two weeks ago about mental health and teens. I feel like I’m connected to local politics and stuff, even if it means I know the dirt about everyone.”

Barb laughed. 

“You remind me of me. I was involved in the first committee for Ladyfest when it happened here in 2000,” Duke said. “I was on security. I sat in on all the meetings for planning.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Continuity.” 

I looked away from Duke and Barb, hoping they’d see someone they knew and go talk to them. 

***

It was two hours later when word spread slowly through the mass of people that the show was starting. The sun had gone down and I had three mosquito bites, even though it should have been too cold. There was standing water in one of the barrels behind Goat Mansion, and that always meant the mosquitos survived longer here than anywhere. Everyone but me was getting drunk. I hadn’t gotten any closer to Orsino, though he’d caught my eye just before everyone went down to the garage and crowded in through the single side door. I thought I saw him smile, but I could have been wrong. 

The room was dark and ugly and packed. There are lights on the stage and then a tangle of wires near the stage that some fire safety expert was supposed to probably evaluate at some point after the Ghost Ship fire, but I don’t think it ever happened. There’s a lot of random piles of shit near the door that should be a main point of egress, and people sit on it like it’s benches at a ball game. It’s definitely not structurally stable. The lights that shine down on the tiny little stage are beautiful. Tonight there was pink and red gels over them, so it looked like a sex party or a weird pretty Hell. 

Ian was wearing his fishnet arm wraps, a lot of glitter, and Goober’s leather miniskirt that that she’d worn to Pride in June. His wrists were covered in bangles. His chest was bare. His hair was sort of flopping over his face. He was fumbling with a lot of wires onstage. Opal was behind the drums. I hadn’t actually heard Opal play before, since they’d only started after they moved to Barb’s house. I didn’t know if they were good or not, but I guessed that they might be if they were going up. Opal was pretty clear-headed and wouldn’t put themselves on the spot if they thought they’d fail. Devon had on his normal clothes and looked pissed as fuck, but he was tuning his bass just the same. 

“ROCKETPIZZA!!!!!” Barb yelled. Some of the goths yelled too, as did the cis men who had been watching a movie inside. There were suddenly a lot of people around me, and I was worried about my feet getting stepped on by the dudes with the steel toed boots. I’m not dumb enough to wear non-sturdy footwear to a show, but I’m small.

Ian looked into the crowd, squinting. I don’t know if he knows Barb’s voice well enough to recognize a screech. He dropped some wires and stepped to the mic. 

“HEY BITCHES AND BABES AND FAGGOTS,” he yelled into the crowd. His voice got soft on the last word. There was a mix of cheers and uncomfortable muttering. Ian was oblivious to the latter. “HOW ARE YOU DOING?”

Barb and Duke both bellowed at the stage, incoherent jumbled exuberance. Old punks at least know how to bellow. 

“I’LL TELL YOU HOW I’M DOING,” Ian yelled into the mic, which twanged painfully over the speakers. “MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST BROKE UP AND I LOST MY OLD DRUMMER BECAUSE HE IS A DUMBASS.”

There were some confused boos and apologetic noises, particularly from the goths near the front of the stage. All the teen goths were pretty far gone. I saw one of them swaying in her heels.

“BUT THAT IS OKAY,” Ian continued. “ROCKETPIZZA DIED TONIGHT. I LOOK GREAT. OPAL LOOKS GREAT ON DRUMS. GIVE IT UP FOR OPAL.”

I yelled at the top of my lungs, feeling like it was a kind of weird ecstatic prayer. The guy with a beard next to me moved away from me in surprise.

“WE ARE A NEW GROUP NOW. OUR NAME IS MISS SAN JUAN AND THE DUSTIES. YOU’RE HERE TO WITNESS THE BIRTH OF A GOOFY NEW QUEERCORE BAND. ISN’T THAT EXCITING?”

Ian was good at riling up a crowd. People were getting more interested in this seventeen year old twink yelling at them. 

“ALSO YOU WILL PROBABLY WITNESS THE DEATH OF MY VOCAL CHORDS BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO SCREAM MY GUTS OUT. THIS IS A NEW SONG. IT IS CALLED FOOLSLUT IN RETROGRADE.” Ian shook his head and smiled and blinked in the way that had made me fall sort of in love with him when we were fifteen. 

The drunk baby goths went hog wild, and I screamed at the top of my lungs again and whistled through the gap in my teeth, like my grandmother had taught me to do when I was five.

Then Ian opened his mouth to sing. 

(insert here: a piece of torn notebook paper, with the title: FOOLSLUT IN RETROGRADE LYRICS)

THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SHAKE ME 

FROM THE POOL OF BLACK INK

ATOP YOUR FIRE ESCAPE

I BREATHE IN THE STINK

OF YOUR SMELLY BALLS

I FEEL NOTHING AT ALL 

THE PLANETS WERE ALIGNED

NOW WE’RE BADLY COMBINED

SOLO QUIERO LLEVAR TUS BRAGAS

SOLO QUIERO TOCAR TU BOCA

SOLO QUIERO TENER TUS LLAGAS

PARA TERMINAR ESTA EPOCA

I’M IN PAIN I’M INSANE

WE ARE SMASHING THE WORLD

I’M IN PAIN I’M INSANE

YOUR DEPRESSED BITCH GIRL

BOY 

SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

BOY

SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

FILL MY MIND WITH SMOKE 

SMOKE IT IN YOUR BONG

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

SO LONG SO LONG

WE DON’T WANT IT OR NEED IT

I NEED YOU TO BEAT IT

END THE WORLD

END THE WORLD

END THE WORLD

FUCK 

(end paper)

When Ian’s set ended fifteen minutes later, the pit had fully opened up. 

People were swaying and had been punching and pushing into each other. I’d gotten slammed against the wall twice and had been shoved into someone’s armpit four times. Which was like, not normal for an opening band. Usually people just stood awkwardly staring with their PBRs in their hands, rocking a little or jamming their heads if the band was good. But some combination of everyone already being wasted and of Opal’s drumming—which was actually really good—and of Ian jumping fully into the air…everyone got electrified somehow. I felt my B.O swelling up toward the ceiling with everyone else’s and the heat from us all supercharging the air like it was some kind of ancient magically charged sweat house made of old cedar in the deep wilderness of the Russian steppe. Ian’s glitter was dripping down his chest in waves. I felt my own shirt soaking with the sweat. My lungs hurt from yelling, and I was reeling still. I watched Ian turn and unplug his amp and walk offstage just before the crush of bodies trying to get out into the cold air totally obscured my view of him. I tried to keep my head above the crowd, thanking god that I wasn’t super sensitive to noise, smells, or sensory overstimulation.

“That was incredible,” a voice behind me said. I didn’t recognize it. I turned slightly. Jukebox January was behind me, smiling. Their chin hairs were darker than I remembered them.  They were shorter than me. They had smudged pink eyeliner in one long band around their eyes. Their shirt was torn so I could see one of their nipples through the fabric.

“Yeah,” I said. “It got so hot in here so fast. We gotta wait a bit for the air to cool down before yours, huh.”

“That set!” Jukebox exclaimed. “Like, that was phenomenal! So good and raw but also like, they’re real! They’re so good. We gotta get this kid a record deal so fast if he wants to sell out! He’s your friend, right?”

I smiled. I felt so happy for Ian. He loved OVID. Tonight had been hard, but it was going to turn out so good for him.  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m James. We go to school together. I’ve known him a long ass time. He’s so good.”

“What’s going on with the band?” Jukebox asked. Their teeth were all showing in their smile. “Some shuffling stuff? Do you think the current situation will hold together? They literally sounded so so good.”

“I literally don’t even know,” I said. “But he loves you, he loves OVID. Like he and his  followed you to the Gorge this summer and then down to the Bay when you were on tour. You should talk to him.” I was glad I was able to be so chill when my heart was pounding into my ears from the adrenaline. 

“Let’s go,” Jukebox said. “I gotta touch base with my bandmates in a second but I wanna give him props. What’s his full name? Does he go by Miss San Juan? Or she?”

“Ian,” I said. “Ian Arroyo. And he uses he/him, at least for now.”

“Cool. What about you?”

“James,” I said. I led Jukebox out into the yard. The cool night air with the smell of decay and everything hit my skin and my mouth all at the same time. It was a second before I saw Ian over by the truck with Opal in the dark. Opal was smoking, and Ian was moving something in the bed of the truck. I screamed loud and high pitched as we got close so he could hear me. 

“That was incredible, bitch!” 

Ian turned. He smiled weakly. “I’m so so so shaking,” he yelled back. His bare chest was getting goosebumps in the cold. He was so beautiful. 

“Look who I brought,” I yelled, thrusting a thumb back at Jukebox, who lifted a hand in greeting. Ian stood up immediately. He leapt over the side of the truck bed to land on both feet in the gravel in front of us. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey,” Jukebox said. “That was incredible. I wanted to make sure you knew. I’m Jukebox.”

“I know,” Ian said. “I can’t wait for your set. I’m so so tired but I’m gonna stay here till the end.”

“I literally haven’t ever played drums live before,” Opal said.

“You were great for all that,” Jukebox said.

I turned away from them and turned toward the bonfire. I tried to make out through the dark who was still here that I knew. People were dancing a little near the fire and there was a cluster of lit cigarette ends floating in the shadows just beyond my field of vision.

“Come hang out with me,” Jukebox was saying to Ian. “My friends are over here. My girlfriend Robin was loving your set too, but she has issues with moshing so had to step out when it got intense. Someone threw a bottle and it nearly hit her.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Opal said. 

We moved over toward the patch of the yard where Jukebox’s friends were. I could smell the smoke and the blackberries and the wood and sweat and smoke and I felt like I was still on some kind of crazy high. Orsino was sitting there, like I knew he would be. There was a space next to him on the log he was sitting on. He looked up and smirked at me and I sat down next to him without a second thought.