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hold-my-hand-kuroo · 5 years ago

Text

phases of the moon

tbh when they told me that i’d need eighth grade biology in the future, i didn’t think it’d be for this

also it’s almost 2 AM so forgive me this isn’t proof-read

pairing: tsukishima x reader

i. waxing gibbous

At the young age of seven, you meet your lifelong friend for the very first time. Initially, you’re a little bit scared to meet your new neighbors, especially when you’re told that one of the sons is the same age as you. It doesn’t make it easier that Tsukishima Kei is especially cool for a five year old. He’s quite tall, fast at his subtraction tables, and exceptionally good at naming dinosaurs and reading big words. To you, he’s basically an adult and completely unapproachable, even after sitting quietly in his room while the real adults were chatting elsewhere.

His room is clean, and you’re amazed at the stacks of chapter books resting on his desk. They have pictures of fossils and big-toothed birds and when you open it, pages are filled with blocks of long words; you’re amazed, curious, but unable to read any of it.

“Do you like dinosaurs?” the blonde boy asks, watching you flip through his books just for the pictures. You jump a little bit, surprised that he finally decided to speak to you after what seemed like years of silence. He has a raised eyebrow, but he doesn’t seem too mean. You’re still a little scared. “Or maybe not…?”

“They’re cool,” you finally answer, flipping back to the page that caught your attention. “I like this one the best.”

“That’s the tanystropheus.” His reply is instant, and you start to think that all kids that wear glasses must be smart. He gets up from his chair and walks toward you, taking a seat right next to you on the floor. “Its neck is three meters long which is like, way longer than its entire body.”

He continues on listing facts and saying large words that completely go over your head, and really, you’re in awe at his knowledge. You can’t believe that he’s really seven, but you also can’t believe that the quiet boy from two minutes ago is actually quite talkative. It’s almost like a switch was flipped, turning him into a more animted version of himself. You don’t mind, but you wish he’d slow down just a little bit so that you could follow.

“Which one do you like?” you ask, diverting the topic and hoping that he’d stop. He flashes you a grin before flipping to another page. It’s clear that he has the book memorized.

“I like the pterodactyl.” Pointing to what seemed like a dragon, his eyes are practically glowing. “They can fly, you know?”

“Like birds?”

“Yeah, but birds are a little different since they have feathers.”

For the next three hours, Tsukishima reads to you, and even though you’re confused with some of the names, the effort you put into understanding seems to please him. It’s not every day that he has a companion to talk about dinosaurs to; usually, his friends would call him boring and leave, so he doesn’t bother expressing his interests. In fact, he’s so ecstatic at his newfound companion that you find him at your door almost every day with a new book in hand. Over sweets, preferably strawberry shortcake, Tsukishima reads to you, pausing once in a while to see if you have questions. Sometimes, he’d adjust his glasses a little, and you’d find yourself thinking over and over again, “He’s such an adult.”

Afternoons get loud when Tsukishima introduces the card game Dinosaur King to you. He’s all smiles when you walk into his room one day, running up to you with his deck and a deck of your own that he bought with his carefully saved allowance. Once the two of you get into it, hours feel like seconds. Rather than gameplay, you’re more fascinated by the card design, but since you know that Tsukishima likes a good challenge, you try your best to play well. You find your math skills improving drastically, calculating lost life points almost every day, and when you beat Tsukishima for the very first time, the two of you laugh at your own excitement and flailing arms.

Once it got warm enough to play outdoors, you pass your time in his backyard with his older brother, Akiteru, who’s actually a real-life giant. Even though he’s tall and a whole twelve years old, he smiles a lot and is just like a kid, except not. You don’t know much about him except for the fact that he plays volleyball, and according to Tsukishima, who practically glows with pride every time you watch him practice, he’s very good at it. You think volleyball might run in the family’s blood considering that whenever Akiteru throws a ball for you and Tsukishima to receive, you’d always miss while Tsukishima would bump it back. You’re a little proud that your best friend is smart, athletic, and incredibly kind and wonder if he’s just naturally good at everything.

Childhood is filled with reptiles, backyard volleyball, and laughter, especially Tsukishima’s. You can’t say you hate the sound of it considering that it makes you giggle too. For Christmas that year, you write a letter to Santa wishing that things would stay the same forever.

ii. waning crescent

Things begin changing when you’re both twelve. Tsukishima’s tall as ever, looming over most of the other kids in your class, and with his height comes the expectation for him to be a real adult. You almost feel bad for thinking the same thing five years ago, especially when he starts to smile less. It’s childish, he says at one point, renouncing his card games in place for constant volleyball practice.

If anything, Tsukishima’s more focused on volleyball than ever, and you’re not surprised. With Akiteru being both his idol and the ace of Karasuno, you figured that he’d want to follow his brother’s footsteps at some point. You’re not sure what being the ace means, but Tsukishima’s convinced that only the coolest grown-ups are allowed to have that position; you suppose that’s why he’s trying so hard to act differently, but you don’t mind helping him out. Tsukishima’s the happiest when you’re throwing balls for him to receive or spike after school, and because it’s the only time where he genuinely smiles without holding back, you’re more than willing to keep helping him practice. It’s the closest thing to normal and is painfully nostalgic.

You’re not sure what to do when Tsukishima begins to tease you. Sure, his tongue has gotten significantly sharper within the past few years, but you know well that he’d never tease out of malice. Not to you anyways, so you just laugh and tease back, because you hate letting him have the last laugh.

When rumors being to spread at school about Tsukishima being some big bully, you’re more than eager to debunk each and everyone, to show them all that your best friend, although a little bit cold, is nothing of the sort. He stops you though, because he doesn’t care. You don’t understand what’s so fun about being feared or ostracized, and you definitely don’t know why he continues to push his classmates away, but you don’t want to force him to do something he doesn’t. Still, you wonder if the whispers ever bother him. Being cool and an adult at the same time seemed incredibly lonely.

Yamaguchi is a special exception much to your delight. Rather than being frightened, he reminds you of your younger self being attracted to Tsukishima’s maturity, and you find it oddly reassuring that Tsukishima is still able to let people into his life. You suppose it’s because Yamaguchi is interested in volleyball too, and now, he can pass the ball with someone besides you during his free time since you’re not that good at the sport in the first place. Nonetheless, Yamaguchi urges you to join. “The more the merrier,” he says, and Tsukishima seems to agree but never verbally. It’s been five years though, so you know that when he fiddles with his glasses and looks at the ground, it means he wants you to play with him.

Whenever you’re free, you visit the junior volleyball program to cheer on your friends. Tsukishima pretends that he hates the attention, but you know he doesn’t, and when you’re asking Yamaguchi about how practice went, you catch the blonde’s eyes flickering at you and then away. You know he wants you to ask him too, and you almost always comply if he isn’t being too mean to you. It’s fun to tease him back since it always catches him off guard. It’s then that you begin to hope that maybe, just maybe, Tsukishima would replace some of those condescending smirks with more smiles again.

Your hopes are for naught.

Despite fully immersing himself into the sport, Tsukishima’s first time watching a high school match ends with an abrupt realization. You and Yamaguchi are with him, and it’s devastating to see his face fall when his eyes meet with Akiteru’s in the stands, cheering for the guy he’s been lying to Tsukishima about being. It’s the highest form of betrayal, and after that single match, everything changes.

No longer does Tsukishima walk to volleyball practice with hidden excitement, and no longer does he ask you to practice with him after school. It becomes hard to talk to him, much to your dismay, and you often find yourself sitting in his room in silence as the two of you study. He doesn’t read to you, he doesn’t flaunt his knowledge. He just sits there across from you, not meeting your eyes at all. Maybe it’s out of shame for trying so hard to be someone who wasn’t what they said they were. Maybe it’s just the crippling disappointment eating away at his spirit. You don’t know and neither does Yamaguchi.

His image doesn’t improve that much in class either. You’ve noticed that he has a newfound distaste for excessive energy and big expectations, and it makes him more dislikable by the kids around him. His tongue is venomous, and even though you know deep in your heart that he’s a nice person, nobody se can believe it. Still, he’s never genuinely rude to you aside from occasional snide and playful remarks. That’s the only thing left that you can keep a hold of, so you settle for it.

The two of you are so far away from being adults, but it feels so lonely even then.

iii. new moon

Tsukishima’s aware that he’s different from how he was during his childhood, but it’s always comforting to know that you understand him inside-and-out. He’ll never say it out loud though, since he isn’t exactly good at things like expressing his feelings or showing genuine sincerity, but he expects that you’ll understand. The knowing silence that the two of you shared is practically irreplaceable.

Which is why it hurts a lot more when you choose to confront him.

It’s the night before his summer training camp during his first year of high school that you have your first serious fight with your best friend. In the past, your fights have been more like playful banter or simple bickering. You’ve never raised your voice against him and vice versa, but when you’re sitting on his bed and watching him pack his bags while complaining about what a hassle practice is, you can’t help but question his motives.

“Then why are you still in the club?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. He hums, his usual sound for acknowledgement, but doesn’t turn to look at you.

“It’d look good on my resume,” he answers matter-of-factly. You’re not convinced, especially since you know for sure that his grades are already stand-out and that he could’ve done anything but continue the sport.

You sigh. “Are you sure that’s it?”

“What do you mean by that?” You notice the small change in his tone and suddenly become aware of the awkward tension in the room. Slowly, he turns toward you, feigning a smile. “You know that it’d just be easier for me to continue, since it’s the only sport I know, right? You can’t expect me to learn basketball-“

“Kei, you like volleyball don’t you?” you interrupt, shaking your head. You’re desperate to know why he keeps burying his feelings, especially since the trust between the two of you was a piece of work years in the making. It stung a little bit, and frankly, you’re sick of it. “You like volleyball, so that’s why you keep playing.”

“Haven’t you been listening to me since like, forever?” he asks, laughing sarcastically while rolling his eyes. “I hate sweating, and you know I can’t stand the weird duo. I’ve said it thousands of times, hello?”

“Then you would’ve quit.” You say it bluntly, because in reality, it is that simple. Tsukishima liked to pretend to be complex, but he never was. “I’ve known you for years, Kei, and you wouldn’t keep playing if you actually-“

“I hope you aren’t pulling the childhood friends card.” Now that one hurt. “Even if we’ve known each other for years, you can’t be so sure that you know everything about me, right? I mean, I barely know anything about you-“

“Liar.” You feel yourself getting heated. You’re not sure if it’s because the conversation is getting nowhere or if it’s because you’re shocked by his words, but you don’t want to just drop the topic. “Kei, you’re scared, aren’t you?”

“Of what?” he scoffs. He grips the shirt he’s holding to the point where his knuckles begin to turn white. That’s how you know you’ve hit bullseye.

“You’re scared of trying hard again, because you think everyone around you are better than you-“

“But they are. That’s just facts,” he scoffs again, this time becoming more tense. “No matter what I do, I can’t even compare. Have you see how Hinata jumps? I’d just get eaten up, so why would I even try?”

“Because you want to, but you’re just scared of failing.”

His gaze at you becomes icy, and you feel chills running down your spine. Gulping, you try your best to not waver under his pressure, because you meant everything you said. You know you’ve struck a nerve when his eyes turn into a glare, face close to a scowl. He’s mad, and you’re at a loss of what to do.

“I don’t know why you’re being like this, but I’ll have you know that failing isn’t impressive,” he says with a wave of his hand. His tone is like nails against a chalkboard, and you feel as if the relationship you’ve built throughout the years has completely disappeared. “Let’s say I do try, and I get benched anyways. That’d be worse than if I didn’t-“

“See? You’re scared.” You sit up straighter this time, refusing to lose your edge. He glares at you, jaw clenching, but says nothing. “You want to become a better player, don’t you? You shouldn’t be afraid of being like—“

“Enough.” He’s curt and to the point. If there’s anything that he hates more than wasted effort, it’s being confronted and having the confronter being correct. Of course, he shouldn’t be surprised since it’s you, but he’s still annoyed. “It’s getting late. You should leave.”

You frown. It’s not late at all. In fact, dinner probably wasn’t even ready at your house yet, but you know what he’s trying to say. Getting up slowly, you pace to his door, opening it quietly. He’s not facing you anymore, and you turn around to see that he’s occupied with folding more clothes to add into his duffel.

“Kei…you know I’m telling you this because I know you’re capable right?” you try one more time, voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve seen you block before, and you can read other people so well-“

It falls like fake praise against his ears, and in his mind, Tsukishima remembers all the blocks he couldn’t stop, the ones that he knows that even if he tried, he couldn’t have due to a sheer difference in skill and talent. There were other people who were good or even better at his position, and he’d be damned if he were caught trying and still couldn’t compete. He knows he’d lose in the end, and he wants to avoid the sinking feeling of disappointment at all costs.

He thought you knew. You were there with him when he saw his entire dream diminish into nothingness within the span of seconds after all.

“Someone’s getting all cocky just because they’ve known me for a while, huh?” he lies through his teeth, nails digging into his own skin as he says it. He wonders why he can’t come to terms with you, but more importantly, he wonders why he’s choosing to hurt you instead. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself. Like I’ve said, maybe we’re not as close as you think, Y/N.”

You wince. It’s his first time speaking to you like that, and you realize it’s the same tone he used to mock others. Other that weren’t close to him at all. It hurts a lot more than you expected. Still, you refuse to have him have the last word.

“Fine. Be like that.”

The two of you don’t talk for the next few days, and you don’t even receive the regular texts complaining about Hinata and Kageyama while he’s gone at the training camp. It’s lonely without Tsukishima to vent to, and you miss the snide remarks he’d make about the people you hated. He was always there to cheer you up, but now, he only makes you frustrated. You don’t think you’re wrong, but you wonder if you had gone too far that night. Maybe you should have just left it as it was, or better yet, not have brought it up at all.

It’s not until Tsukishima returns home that you hear from him.

“Hey,” you star awkwardly when you open your door. He’s showered but looks exhausted from playing the sport he supposedly hated for days on end. The worst part was that he still wasn’t looking at you, and you’re so bothered by it that you don’t hear his mumbling. “What did you say?”

“Sorry,” he mutters again, staring pointedly at the floor. His brows are furrowed in clear frustration, and when you let out an audible gasp, he only grows more flustered. “I said too much before.”

“Me too,” you respond after taking in his apology. You don’t remember the last time, if ever, that Tsukishima had said sorry to you, and you’re surprised that he’s even capable of doing so. “I shouldn’t have brought it up-“

“No, I was being…rude,” he struggles. It looks as if he’s physically pained with the idea of admitting his faults, and if it weren’t for the situation, maybe you would’ve laughed. “I didn’t mean it when I said that.”

“About what?” you probe, and he grunts, foot shuffling ever so slightly.

“About us not being close,” he practically grits through his teeth. He’s conflicted with what to say next, but you’re more amazed at his honesty. “We are. I didn’t mean it. And you were right.”

He stands still, bracing himself for a response. In reality, Tsukishima Kei is afraid of a lot of things, and he hates to admit it. He knows that you’re aware of his fear of humiliation and being overwhelmed by others around him, but he wonders if you also know about how scared he is to lose you, his closest friend. His tongue is sharp, too sharp for his own good. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t lose sleep during the past few nights worrying about how he might’ve made you cry.

“I like you a lot more when you’re honest, Kei,” you chuckle finally, and he lets out a heavy sigh, shoulders sagging. You can tell that he was anxious and that it took a great deal from him to see you, but it’s almost endearing. “And here I thought that I’d have to open up applications for a new best friend. I was thinking about Tadashi, actually.”

He smirks, looking up. “If you’re in the mood to tease me, could you at least let me in? You’re letting all your air conditioner out with door open, and I’m in the mood to complain about people.”

You comply almost instantly, pulling him by the wrist through the door and into your room. Like clockwork, he sits against your bed right next to you, and it almost feels normal again with him telling you about terrible the training camp was and how he couldn’t sleep because the people around him snored too loudly. It’s relieving.

“I learned how to block better,” he adds finally after debating whether or not to tell you. Your eyes glow, and oddly enough, he can’t find it in himself to hate how smug you look. “I still hated the camp though.”

“Because you missed me, right?” you joke. Tsukishima outright stiffens straight, holding his breath and hoping that you wouldn’t notice. But of course, you do. “Oh man, I really got you there.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles, looking away again with a scowl.

iv. third quarter

You remember a few things. The sound of Ushijima’s spike hitting Tsukishima’s hand followed by the slam of the ball that lands back on the floor, the roar of the crowd, and Akiteru’s yelp as your iron grip around his hand tightens and practically cuts off his blood flow. When you break down the memory further, you see Tsukishima just seconds before the block wearing an awfully cocky smirk, and that’s when you realize that it’s all premeditated. From the way he kept glancing at the setter with such a cold and chilling stare to the way his arms moved over toward his left, Tsukishima had played the block over and over again in his mind. It was the seed of his efforts finally coming to fruition.

And then there was his declaration of love for the sport that was no longer “just a club,” his yell that silenced the court and stunned everyone in the stands. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted the stray glance that he spared you, as if to ask, “Did you see that?” You almost laughed, because of course you did.

These thoughts flood your mind as you cling on tightly to Tsukishima in the lobby after the game, ignoring all the obnoxious howls and cheers from Tanaka and Nishinoya in the back. You feel like you’re about to cry again, as the tall boy desperately tries to pry you off of his body without being too forceful, pushing you by your shoulders and desperately trying to walk out of your hug. He says something about you making a scene, but you honestly don’t care enough to listen.

“Are…are you crying?” he asks, voice mixed with surprise and frustration, still trying to shove you off. “You’re getting your snot all over my shirt, Iet go, Y/N-“

When you finally do decide to put some space between the two of you, Tsukishima sighs in relief and sends Yamaguchi and Hinata a glare for giggling in the back; however, what he didn’t expect was for you to take his hand into yours, gently tracing your fingers over the bandages. He sighs as you being to tear up again and runs his free hand through his hair.

“Pretty lame, right?”

“Kei, you’re literally the most stupid person I’ve ever met in my life, and I hope you know that.” He’s not used to being insulted, let alone twice since Yamaguchi had also given him an earful in the bathroom. He’s startled and annoyed but chooses silence over bickering. He’s still a little scared of fighting with you for the second time.

“It was only one block, and I got hurt anyways. It’s-“

“It was a whole block against Ushijima,” you wail loud enough for the entire lobby to hear. Tsukishima’s absolutely mortified, giving a look to Yamaguchi and telling him to get something to wipe your tears with, anything. “You touched the ball so many times, and you knew where all the spikes were going, and you read them like an open book, and you made their setter scared, and then you even tried to run to do that slide spike thing, and then you did the yelling thing for the first time ever, and-“

“Okay, okay, I get it, you thought I did well,” he practically pleads, trying to steer you to a less crowded area. The boy is desperate to escape the grins of his team members. “Now will you please stop crying? Actually, why are you even crying? I don’t understand-“

“It’s because you’re stupid.”

You ignore the affronted grunt he lets out and instead wonder how you could possibly explain to him about why you were crying. Would he even be able to understand what it felt like when you witnessed his fall from grace, the abrupt end to his childhood, only for him to rise again and become more than what he could ever expect? You doubt it, but just thinking about it keeps your tears going, and you’re sure that you’d have worst pair of swollen eyes after you were done.

“Why are you crying harder now?” he huffs, exasperated.

Tsukishima rolls his eyes and does his best not to tease you about your futile attempts at hiding your face. He groans inwardly, not knowing what to do when you were emotional. He’s not very in tune with his own feelings, let alone someone else’s, so instead of struggling for proper words of consolation, he heaves a very heavy sigh and pulls you back into his chest. He’s a bit awkward with his hands, not knowing where exactly to put them after you lean in. His arms hover around your waist, but he doesn’t dare touch you. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous, but he keeps his arms awkwardly in the air until it’s time for him to leave for the awards ceremony. Even then, he doesn’t actually want to leave you alone still crying.

“I’m gonna call you later,” you tell him right before he’s about to turn around, “and I’m gonna tell you about how dumb you’re being. Again.”

“Looking forward to it,” he mumbles under his breath, and you barely hear it. Barely. “I’d clean myself up if I were you though. You look terrible.”

Your laugh comes out as some kind of sniffle or snort. Tsukishima shows a face of disgust. As is turns out, mean Tsukishima and happy Tsukishima weren’t mutually exclusive. And you could live with that.

v. full moon

You suppose that after years of pretending to be some kind of mature and cold adult, Tsukishima has to make up for the childhood that he ended earl on. Or at least that’s what you reason as he wraps his long arms around your waist, pulling you in between his legs. Placing his chin on your shoulder, he presses his cheek against yours, moving around ever-so-slightly, because he knows that you’re terribly ticklish.

“Kei, I’m trying to type a paper,” you whine, trying to shake off his long arms. Of course, he doesn’t let you, and you feel his fingers sink into your sides. You let out a yelp. “It’s due in an hour, so I’d really like it if you stopped tickling me.”

“Maybe you should’ve worked on it earlier this week, then.” He’s trying to provoke you, and even if you can’t see his face, you know he’s wearing his signature smirk. “I mean, you had all that time, but instead, you just-“

“Why are you acting like you weren’t the one who made me rewatch all the Jurassic Park movies?”

“You could’ve just said no,” Tsukishima laughs, running a hand through your hair. It didn’t take a lot to realize that he was trying to get you to fall asleep before you could finish properly.

“Even though you were clinging onto me so that I wouldn’t be able to leave the couch?” you muse, refusing to be deterred. Your fingers continue to move at a lightening pace, but you’re not sure what you’re actually writing.

“I don’t remember that happening, though.” His voice is playful and teasing, yet soft enough for you to start feeling your eyelids grow heavy. “Looks like someone’s getting sleepy. Why don’t you just call it a night?”

“I’m almost done, Kei,” you try to reason with him. You hear him sigh, and roll your eyes. “If you want cuddles so badly, help me edit my other pages so I can get this done faster.”

“I never said anything about cuddles,” he denies almost instantly, voice raising. You can tell that he’s flustered and smile to yourself at your small victory.

Despite his protests and clear explanation that he wants you to hurry up because he can’t sleep with your laptop screen being that bright, he takes his phone to access the document that you’ve shared with him, still refusing to let go of you. He always hated editing on his phone, but he chooses to tolerate it just for you. He won’t admit it, but he likes the way your body feels pressed against his chest and how you’ll jolt when he accidentally pokes your rib. He laughs at your little typos while scrolling carefully through your paper, making sure to tease you about them, as he also enjoys it when you get frustrated and try to get out of his arms. He’s fully aware that you can’t, and he’s sure that you know that too, but he finds the effort amusing.

“Why does it feel like you’ve returned to being a kid,” you groan quietly, annoyed that your concentration was being broken. “I know you want to be spoiled and want my undivided attention, so it’d work out a lot better for the both of us if you just edited my work quietly. Like a good kid, Kei.”

“I’m 23,” he corrects pointedly, casually skipping over the fact that he really did want your attention and was getting annoyed that you were so focused on your essay instead of him. Sure, he understands that it’s an important final for you, but he can’t help but feel just a little bit irritated that the bed was feeling colder than usual.

“You look like a hag but have the mind of a toddler, I swear.” Just one more conclusion paragraph and a works cited page. “I’m almost done, baby. Promise.”

“Am I really being called a kid when you can’t even do your work on time?” he snorts, eyes tiredly scanning the wall of words. He yawns and buries his face into the side of your neck. Setting his phone down on your lap, he lets his finger brush against your thigh and laughs when you grumble something about him being more of a kid for stealing your strawberry from your cake earlier today. “When you’re free tomorrow, I’ll buy you a new slice.”

“Yeah, so that you can steal my strawberry again,” you mutter with a roll of your eyes. “I know you, Kei.”

“Such a shame that you couldn’t have it,” he chuckles. “It was good, I’ll tell you that.”

As an act of grace, Tsukishima gives you a moment of silence to quickly add the finishing touches to your paper before watching you hit submit with excessive gusto. Laughing at your over-dramatization, removes his arms and all but drags you to the bed.

“It’d be more romantic if you carried me instead of pulling me around like luggage,” you complain. He extends his arm for you to rest on, and you adjust yourself so that you can face him.

“You’re dating the wrong guy if you’re looking for a Casanova.” He allows for you to take his glasses off and nearly presses into your hand that you place on his check. Moving his palm to cover your own, you hum as his fingers trace over your skin.

“Should I break up with you, then?” you tease, making it apparent that it was just a joke based on the amount of tenderness in your voice. “After all, my boyfriend looks at me the same way he does at dusty, old dinosaur bones.”

“Even though your mom literally called me today asking when we’re planning on getting married?”

“I wish she’d stop,” you sigh and frown. “I can’t believe she’s already talking about marriage when we haven’t even graduated yet.”

“She’s been talking about marriage since our second year of high school. This isn’t anything new.” Tsukishima breaks into a small, rare smile. “We’re going to graduate soon, though.”

“And? Are you saying what I think you’re saying-“

“I’m not trying to imply anything,” he denies with a grin. Cheeky. “Rather, what are you implying?”

“Well, do you want to do the whole marriage thing?” You question him out of curiosity rather than with an intent to pressure. After all, you had a hard time imagining Tsukishima in a domestic setting, especially since all he ever did was bother you and distract you whenever you had chores to do or cooking to get done. “I mean, not like right now, but in the future.”

“I wonder,” he muses. Running his thumb over your ring finger, Tsukishima thinks about which types of rings would suit you the best. His mind plays through design, color, and cut of the diamond, but he does this silently while chuckling at your look of confusion. He doesn’t want to say anything now, not when the two of you were still very much overwhelmed with what life had to offer. There’d be a better, more appropriate time, and he tries to picture what that day would be like and when it’d be. He gets a little excited by his own imagination.

“Kei, what’s that supposed to mean?” He only looks at you in response, eyes tender even if he won’t say exactly how much you make his heart grow crazy and how he feels like he’s the luckiest man in the world. He’s sure you know how he feels anyway.

“You’re tired, right?” he chooses to respond instead. Placing chaste kiss against your forehead, he closes his eyes much to your dismay and protests. “I’m already asleep.”

There’s something about his delicate and warm kisses that puts you at ease. From the way his arm always stayed around your waist at night to the look he’d give you first thing in the morning, you have a sinking suspicion that you already know the answer to your question.

“Love you, Kei,” you whisper, and despite him being “asleep”, you the corners of his mouth quiver slightly before turning upward.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #tsukishima kei #kei tsukishima #tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #kei tsukishima x reader

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costellos · 4 years ago

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LOL A 401K IM DEAD but honestly...... tru

all that tax stuff, retirement plans.... nanami’s got it covered. and then there’s gojo, committing tax fraud 🤧 i’d compare gojo to salt as a seasoning but that’s kinda mean, he does have some flavor. like, sugar probably suits him better?? sweet, can be addicting, but bad for you if have too much of it 🙈 AND THEN NANAMI. man’s the whole spice rack, he wouldn’t have it anything less since he loves food so much 😤 he is, as we say, umami personified 🤌

yeah, it’s unfortunate lmfao but oh well. i do occasionally have them in a smoothie though, like you said!

alsjfhsha it’s def time consuming.... like i’d be sitting down w my family and when i’m finally done picking it all out, they’ve finished eating welp 😭 and yeah, the rational part of me knows that, but i’m that person someone has to go up the service worker for and be like “excuse me she asked for no pickles” (except i didn’t 🙈) i’m much better in restaurants bc the language barrier isn’t as intimidating so i will tell them to leave out an ingredient if it’s something i can’t easily take out

mmmmm i can see that! he’d be the guy who’d eat pizza with a fork and knife wouldn’t he lol. and dab all the excess oil off w a napkin. he probably only goes to the Legit pizza places too haha but i think if he likes you enough he can be convinced to eat almost anywhere

ofc!! ask games are more fun if it goes both ways 😌 and ooooo tsumu! interesting...... 👀 those are honestly such good date ideas w a guy like atsumu! that’d rly be smth he’d enjoy and ngl the moment i read ‘something physical’ i immediately imagined y’all racing LMAO. he’s a prime example of how competition can be good for you w the right person, so i can see you filling in the space osamu left after he decided to focus more on his food aspirations. like imagine making cute lil bets w him and the loser having to do what the winner wanted hehe. omg a double date w the miya twins would be sm fun tho??? from my impression of you so far, i definitely trust you to keep tsumu in line lmfao so catch me there. me and osamu are the ones spectating and judging your guys’ competitions and cheering you on to beat atsumu like we’re olympic commentators or smth LOL

aaaaa i’m honestly p shy but if anything can get me to come off anon, it’d be nanamin 😂 (it’s like we’re todo and yuji bonding over their shared type but w nanami skdjfjsjsjs) let me know if you prefer to keep it here or on discord and i’ll give you my account, whichever platform you like better! also congrats on 1k! much deserved!! 🎉

cut for length!

A;LDSKJ GOJO WOULD COMMIT TAX FRAUD. lmao salt is a lil mean!! sugar is more fitting <3 sugar is also used for more fun foods, and I feel like it matches him bc of his sweet tooth. but Nanami........ o lawd. definitely the whole spice rack yes. 100% agree. pls I would use him in everything. wait was that a weird thing to say?

ah I totally understand! well, u got this friend. the next time u go out for Mexican food, I’ll be there cheering for u in spirit!!

and yes.... ugh... I don’t think he’s particularly picky, he’ll try anything. he just doesn’t like foods that are excessive, if that makes sense? like what you were saying with the grease. I think he’s more the type to like subtle flavors. an obnoxious meat lover’s pizza from The Hut would be a no go, but he’s down for a, quote, Legit Pizza Place. the kind of Italian restaurant that’s authentic! but let’s admit it, by that point it wouldn’t even technically be “pizza.” authenticity comes with a price :’)

ty friend you’re far too kind 🥺 AND PLS YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH OVER MY LAPTOP HHHHHHH. I would love nothing more than to fill the Osamu-shaped hole in his heart once they both go into their separate careers. and god..... don’t encourage him. or me. I would definitely make bets w him. and I would win. but thank you sweet anon, I would do my best to keep him from annoying the shit out of you!! it would be an honor to have you and Osamu comment on our tomfoolery. 👉👈

MY GOD I WAS ABOUT TO KEYBOARD MASH AGAIN. we’re definitely Todo and Yuji.... u like Nanami and so now I’m obligated to imagine a whole life we coulda had together in high school together. even tho I graduated five years ago. and I’m assuming you did some time ago too since you mentioned you’re old...... lordt. anyway! thank you for the congrats!! I would love to discuss more headcanons and such w you over Discord! dm me and I’ll add you so that we can sob over Nanami’s absence in the anime <33

nanamin date anon said: me, rewatching eps 9-13 on replay until the new episode comes out: hahaha i love all the jjk characters equally! nanamin and *looks at smudged writing on hand* the extras

lol i love them all rly, it’s just super refreshing to have an adult like nanami in a shounen

haha yeah, i’m definitely glad i’m not the oldest (bc that’s way too much responsibility for me, idk how they do it) so being player 2 as a younger sibling isn’t too bad, especially since it’s the story that i’m usually more interested in rather than the gameplay itself. i don’t have to worry about remembering which buttons to press in a fight when i can just watch the plot play out lol. (it’s definitely a good game, i just suck at the controls 😅 my brother let me play a bit and i couldn’t get the web swinging down i was struggling so bad aslfjjfsjak) what sort of games are you into? 👀

even if it’s boring to some ppl, watching is a good way to experience the game for yourself as well, esp if it’s a single player game! ofc i do tend to prefer multiplayer games, but it’s not too dissimilar to watching someone play a sport tbh. AND NO KENMA IM PRO-SIDEQUEST LIVE OUT YOUR COMPLETIONIST DREAMS. if we gotta fetch that dude a super rare item to unlock his backstory we MUST do it ok

YEAH! mikorin is also voiced by noya’s va! it’s honestly a shame gsnk didn’t get a second season, it’s so good 😔

me: lol does that mean kuroo’s your tomoda

kenma: ok this date is over

LMFAOOOOO not my fault the popular choices are the ones that get you the good end 😤 and it’s all good, i’m also guilty of replaying to see how the other choices impact the story haha. if there’s no save system tho, i’d make him switch out w me every time we replay bc i’d zone out at all the repeat stuff (bless games that have a skip option 🙏)

UGH TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! ok so I love the other charas too but.... Nanami’s so good. so good. iono about you, anon, but I went back and rewatched his episodes from the dub and it made me Feel Things. and I agree, it is refreshing to see an adult like him in shounen. esp since he treats the kids like kids. and he makes it clear that their being kids is never a bad thing. I will reiterate: he’s so good.

ahhh friend that’s so nice!. your brother sounds really chill. plus it sounds like a good balance: you get to watch the story, and he gets to dick around!! win-win. and as for my fav games, I’m up for anything! I try to avoid co-op games like Overwatch bc I get too competitive and I’m a sore loser lmao (but they are fun!). the last games I played were the Last of Us 2 and Persona 5, two very different games, but stuff that’s a good time nonetheless. tbh as long as I can immerse myself in the story and there’s tons to explore, I’m down. what about you?? you’d kind of mentioned otome games and Animal Crossing, but I’m curious!

hm. interesting. that’s a nice way to look at it. I guess if it’s a really good game, it’s no different from an interactive movie! also Kenma would love that omg you’re going to save so many villages in the rpgs he plays w you.... gotta max out EVERYTHING. every side quest! every mundane task!! collect literally every feather!!! but I feel like he would pass the time by making idle conversation. like some dumb shit Lev had mentioned earlier that day. such a nice way to unwind at the end of the day, shit talking Lev w his fav person 😌

anyway! going back to completionist stuff: Kenma would have such a blast going back and replaying games w you! and yes bless games w a skip option hhh. thankfully he’d remember all your previous choices together, so he can help navigate where to go next. he has no qualms handing the controller over, I think he’d love to curl up next to you and analyze how you play! but I also feel like he’d be giving unwarranted suggestions....... thanks, Kenma.

also, about Mikorin’s va: WHAT. OH MY GOD. so many things to learn..... pls. indulge me w your trivia.

#nanamin date anon #FRIEND you are SPOILING ME #so many good scenarios and general content.....#thank u for popping by!#and I'll reiterate: I'd be more than happy to chat over Discord #if you're comfortable that is!#I would love nothing more than to yell about Nanami w you #toya slides u a note #Anonymous

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years ago

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why is art boi yusuke in the bottom tiers? ;_;

Ah I can answer this one kinda faster than the other’s.....(also sorry anon seems like you like him but I’m gonna rip into him a little orz not too much but yeah)

So most of the time I forget he’s there (good job P5), but when I think about him I really don’t like him, he can be mean (or as the fandom says “savage”), he’s not really needed, and his introduction is bad. Him blackmailing Anne to strip is disgusting, not only is it cause he’s roundabout punishing Anne (who is there trying to help him model, and is the one person in the room he doesn’t seem angry with like?????). It’s also illegal, he loses any moral high ground the second he blackmails them, and instead he becomes the criminal (or both parties are, cause they are trespassing cause he revoked his invitation).

I remember he an be pretty “savage” at times and it’s not funny, just makes me not want to be associated with him.

I don’t like his CoOp, it falls into the “just go to Mementos and talk to the shadow????? See if they cool????” like ignoring what we know about P4 (that shadows will lie at times), doesn’t seem to be P5 kids’ mentality so really what’s stopping them. And in vanilla I remember how the old guy literally gave Yusuke a proposition that not only gave Yusuke stability but also gave him freedom so that he wasn’t just motivated by money and.....Yusuke declines it? Because......he and Atlus are dumb? I know they are going for “integrity over money” or whatever BS, but how about you make it so it’s not a literal deal that’s freaking meets his needs and demands? It’s really frustrating because it feels like they just want to keep him starving/poor.....which leads to

I hate that he’s starving all the time as the joke. Say what you want about Aki and Chie’s protein and meat craze, at least the joke is because it’s something like LIKE! Yusuke sure does not like being hungry (and it doesn’t matter if you make him curry everyday, he’ll still be hungry). It’s really annoying, esp because it’s associated with his poor spending habits which......I don’t know how he gets himself into this hole he has a scholarship.......I did some research about 2 years ago, and any art supplies should be funded by that school if they like it so much (cause they’ll def fund the art club). Food wise between the scholarship and possibly money from the gov (due to him being an orphan).....she SHOULDN’T be struggling this bad. To top it off Madarame not putting some money aside while he’s having a change of heart is also kinda BS, guy’s literally thinking about how he harmed his old students and wants to right his wrongs, and he doesn’t think of paying them the money he owes them? So he def shouldn’t have to worry about money, esp if it’s framed as Madarame giving him the money he was owed.

Another reason I don’t like the starving joke (not Yusuke’s fault, it’s Atlus’), is that, ESPECIALLY IF, him starving himself is due to him being so focused which is something probably picked up from Mada.......that’s not funny.....it’s worrying, why are we making a joke about that Atlus? Why? The hell treat him with more respect that that. >:O (hell treat all your chars with more respect than that!)

The last reason is....we don’t need Yusuke. The most he brings to the table is his ice powers which is just a gameplay mechanic. He’s not needed for the story except help making calling cards but like????? (Futaba is more justified than him tbh, and when this is a game that’s designed for chars to have roles they need to fulfill....and artist isn’t one of them). What are we going to use his art abilities for post Mada? They have to go out of their way to use him “Oh I drew down the license plate!” ......I could write down the license plate too it doesn’t take art skills. If it’s about identifying the car then use your freaking phone, which WE KNOW WE HAVE AT LEAST ONE WITH US cause Mako’s on the other end. Then the Yakuza in Shido’s dungeon, wow really helped us there Yusuke-oh wait you insulted them....haha classic savage Yusuke. :’D *pushes him over the boat railing* >:( All those things are BS, iirc only Anne/Haru really get the invite without fighting (we’re still forced to fight too cause reasons), but why have a “oh look a highlight moment of their skills” if they’re just gonna have to take it by force? So stupid. >.>

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fawnferns · 5 years ago

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Get To Know Me Tag! - sims edition, under cut for length!

tagged by @citrusjuice @abstractsim @wesunnysimmer and a few others i think! i’m so unorganized my bad 😂😂

your name: call me elle! languages you speak: english, and understand a bit of french lol

Are you a mermaid: we’ll i’m from the caribbean so it’s probably in my blood lmao

Your playstyle: 70% gameplay, 30% story, but really i’d like to do more story stuff

Your selfsim picture: i’ve had my dreadlocks for like 8 years!

Stories or gameplay, builds, lookbooks, edits or cc: stories for sure, i have a bunch of sim-stories planned out and i want to integrate more story elements into my legacy. i want to get better at portrait editing too! but grad school means i’m perpetually tired LOL

Your favourite age state: teen + YA, i feel like so much growth happens in these stages

Your favourite season: summer baby give me that stifling heat and clear blue sky for days

Your favourite holiday: none of them i’m a scrooge :(( How was your day: i’ve been listening to sir gawain and the green knight on audible because the new trailer with dev patel looks so good. going to hike up to the top of a cathedral later which i’d rather not do bc it’s raining lol

Your favourite career: hmmm the writer + artist + medical career, though i wish the rabbit hole mod for the doctor career was active

Your favourite aspiration: none of them tbh i’m more interested in my sim personality over anything else

Your favourite ep, sp or gp: seasons for sure! i quite like strangerville and parenthood even though toddlers are the bane of my existence How old is your simblr: oh gosh, i think i made it last autumn? so many 5 months old? time is arbitrary

Have you woohooed: no comment ;)

Your favourite skill: artist and any of the muscial instrument ones, they’re so calming to watch and listen to!

The size of your mods folder: 2.01 gb hahaha the mac life limits me

Your 3 favourite mods: MCC, wicked whims, and the better schools mod by kawaiistacie lmao

Your interests (other than sims): painting, journalling, yoga, and playing video games!

Your favourite sim (picture if possible): noemi is my forever daughter and one day i will finish her and dustin’s story

which sims games you have played (including mobile games): i played the fuck out of sims 2, totally skipped sims 3, and played sims 4 all throughout uni, forgot about it, and then picked it up again when i was living in korea

Propose a crazy scheme: finishing a legacy/story lmaooo whilst still doing some of my other hobbies lol

Best part of simblr: making friends from all over and seeing the sheer amount of creativity that people have with this game! it’s amazing what people can do with sims.

Worst part of simblr: the loneliness i guess? i haven’t made too many friends even tho i have some really cool mutuals. i want to branch out and make more friends!

What other games you play: stardew, mass effect, dragon age (especially origins), neverwinter nights, final fantasy, more visual novels than i can count, monster hunter world...basically i have way too much screen time lol but i love video games as an interactive story telling medium so it’s fine

other websites or accounts (origin, twitter etc..): my main tumblr is empiricallly where i blog about kdramas, writing, and aesthetic things

i think most people have done this game but i’ll tag @viaearthling @seviies @eqountl @opheliavilla @kvpcvke @simmerlau @sammsims + anyone who wants to do it!

#tag game #this was so fun!

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thebaalpit-blog · 8 years ago

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I like P5 a lot (Spoilers)

So I finished P5 and now that i’ve come out of playing it twice, both in separate languages, I have a lot of wild opinions to go about so here we go. It should go without seeing I’m gonna talk about the game freely, but here’s a warning in case.

I would have to say I like the story of the game a lot, but I’m accounting for the first, fourth, and everything after the fifth arc. Kamoshida is an incredibly strong antagonist who does a million things for setting up the game very well, Sae and Futaba are great ways of showing that Changes of Hearts can happen to people on their own so long as they’re willing to make the change, and Goro and Shido are great personal antagonists for the group and Joker respectively. I like the final storyline a lot too with Yaldabaoth, but it’s very cheesy social commentary in a lot of ways and Yaldy himself isn’t a compelling antagonist so much as the idea that the strict social order that controlled Japan so strongly gave birth to his existence. I’m a big fan of stories that have weird realms or things going on because of the desires of a person being so strong they manifest out of the blue due to human sin and it’s part of the reason why P3 and P4 disappoint me on that front, because they’re largely god plots with very little of that, while P5 is a god plot but it is a god plot created by humans and their sin. While Yaldy himself isn’t particularly impressive, the desire that the Citizens of Tokyo had towards not wanting any part of society to break even a little bit being so strong it creates a god to ensure that never comes about, is and it’s wonderful when Joker summons Satanael to blow his fucking brains out.

I am a big fan of things generally considered to be evil or negative are framed as heroic or things people use to grow. So I appreciate that Joker and Arsene while both very menacing and demonic looking are the heroes of the story and his persona. Arsene especially has such an amazing design that I love looking at him and honestly want to get some sort of figure of him if one gets made. Joker is a fantastic way to make a quiet protagonist that also has a lot of character to him. Between his own backstory, the grudge with Shido, Goro being his foil, and his generally menacing demeanor combined with very theatric and over the top motions he makes, he has a ton of personality in him. The game in general does, but I was not expecting to love the Protagonist more than most of the main cast. His ultimate persona being Satanael is also fucking cool, because not only is the entire moment just an amazing thing and the scope of the whole fight is absolutely beautiful, but Satanael in gnosticism is the dude who is supposed to keep Yaldabaoth in check. So it’s awesome they played to the Trickster theme, the “Blacks are whites” mentality P5 has towards the protagonists, and the lore of the mythological figures themselves. It’s such a cool moment and the music that plays during the summoning is a great arrangement on the boss them that played prior. I can talk forever about Joker and his persona, but I need to talk about other stuff.

The main cast is great. I love Ryuji, he’s easily the best bro character of the games excepting maybe Eikichi. You get to see him grow from a bitter teenager with a huge chip on his shoulder, to a young man with a strong sense of self respect and justice. He gets into silly situations and can be stupid, but he’s a genuinely cool dude and I love him. Ann’s alright and she enhances Ryuji a bit too since they’re both old friends, but they can mess around with one another and it feels organic. I don’t think highly of her tbh, but she’s alright for the most part. Makoto is awesome, being Joker’s contemporary in the group. She’s smart, she has a good head on her shoulders, she kicks ass, and has an amazing outfit. It’s really cool that when they thought of a girl they would try to push as the romantic interest for Joker they made her as much of a character in the group as him. Yusuke’s hilarious, but also is one of the more emotional parts of the team. His interactions with Futaba are great and shows how his weird perspective connects with others. Futaba herself is a ton of fun with her goofy ass personality and smart ass comments. Haru I don’t care for much, but she’s got cool animations so I warmed up a bit to her over time.

The antagonists are all kind of a mixed bag, but the great ones are great. I won’t talk about Yaldy because I already mentioned his deal before. Kamoshida’s an immaculate piece of shit. I cannot tell you how happy I am that he is never once hidden in that aspect. If they had tried to hide his shitty attitude when adults or whatever were around it would cheapen the whole thing, but nope he’s just as shitty to you regardless of whose presence he’s in. It helps that he has such a connection to the school that he effects literally everyone there even the people who don’t associate with him. The underlying character depth also of him being a gold medalist who probably got fucked up by the societal and personal pressure of having to keep being the best giving him a warped perspective on others owing him for this is also great. He’s just got a ton of fucking great things about himself and a super easily punchable face.

For Goro and Shido, they’re both great. Goro is a fantastic foil to Joker, also being a user of the Wild Card and a pawn of Shido’s due to wanting to be recognized by his dad. His being sent from home to home as an unwanted child has fucked him up so much he desires to see the destruction of the same society that allowed this to happen. At the same time though Goro only has two Persona, Loki and Robin Hood. The underlying implication of course being Goro has only ever had himself and never actually made connections with others so he has two Persona compared to Joker’s several. Shido on the other hand is a good antagonist for how militant he is and how business like he is when handling others. He doesn’t actually recognize the people he steps over in his path to success. He barely recognizes Goro looking like his mother and doesn’t even know Joker is the same child he got locked off into Shibuya. It shows his megalomania off very well that he ultimately created his own enemy and him killing literally everyone tying back to him characterizes perfectly how militant and cold he truly is.

As for the rest of them. Sae is a good antagonist for her purposes, but she’s not as strong as the other three. Madarame has moments where they characterize him later, but them insisting on his murdering of Yusuke’s mom and his moustache twirling villainy combined with that makes him a very confusing and lame character. Kaneshiro has a minute of characterization, but is a fucking joke villain. Okumura is boring and has a nice moment of depth with the space station kit, but unfortunately he’s being a nothing character every other minute in the worst storyline of the game so rip.

The music in the game is really fantastic. Beneath the Mask and Rivers in the Desert are hands down two of the best tracks in Shoji Meguro’s history of music. Blooming Villain is my favorite non-final boss track in Persona. Layer Cake is CATCHY AS FUCK. Price and When My Mother Was Around are amazing dungeon tracks with Whims of Fate being even better than those two. There’s a lot of other great tracks as well, but I cannot list every single one.

The gameplay mechanics overall improved for the better in a lot of ways and Confidants are really cool too. I do have to say though some of the non-party member ones fall into a really lame pattern of “Character is griefed by other outside character in some way, go to mementos and get rid of them.” But the storylines more than often make up for them. Hifumi, Munehisa, Sadayo, and Toranosuke are some of the more memorable ones.

If I have complaints though it’s that Mementos is fucking lame. Some of the dungeons are really boring or have lame gimmicks or are LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNG (Kaneshiro and Okumura’s palaces most notably). The story feels like it’s going nowhere for a while. Bosses are boring for the most part with really lame ass mid battle gimmicks, the Sphinx is an absolutely garbage boss fight too. The best bosses are probably Shido and Shadow Okumura, the former because of it not being a lame gimmick driven fight and the latter because you can find fun ways to negate entire legions of the robots. Shadow Madarame and Kamoshida are okay too, but they’re not remarkable or particularly interesting either. The designs on a lot of them are pretty lame too. Also Morgana needs to shut the fuck up about telling me to go to sleep. I love the little bastard, but jesus christ.

But yeah, those are my thoughts on P5. It’s a really cool game that I love a lot that honestly has a decent number of faults, but I don’t care about them which is surprising because I haven’t felt that strongly about a game since like... Metal Gear Rising. Not that those two have a lot of crossover sans the incredibly buff final boss politician with lyrical music in the back.

#Persona 5 #spoilers #P5

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