#the game might kill u if ur bi

[limpfisted]

WYLL SEXUALITY (GREY ACE BISEXUAL WITH PREFERENCE FOR GNC INDIVIDUALS) AND GENDER (TRANSMASC “BLADE”, HERO, HEROINE, MAN, WOMAN, NEITHER, GENTLEMAN, HANDSOME WOMAN, PRETTYBOY, BABYGIRL, WARLOCK, CHAMPION, KNIGHT, DUKE, DUCHESS, DEVIL, WARLOCK, WITCH.)

an explanation of how i view the devil/darkness and “the blade” as symbolism about safely roleplaying sexuality and gender passions thar scare you (and ur asshole dad)

all the companions are bi/pan CRY ABOUT IT, however out of all the narratives, wyll’s narrative to me is the one that plays the most with sexual and gender “roleplaying.”

wyll comes at u and tells u his dnd character is human warrior, male. this is a persona he made up to cope with the fact he has an abusive, negligent “guardian”—whose dark magic he was always probably drawn to. (mizora rip bastard shes not dead but i wish she was Gone And Not Here)

his farher is might makes right, the baldurian tav can call the flaming fist a bunch of arseholes and blowhards. his father expects ten hundred percent from him. and when wyll is drawn to “darkness”, hes scared n punished for it to the point hes kicked out of the city he sold his soul to save

darkness in fiction is almost always evil. but thats not really true. and even in bg3 where killing all goblins is “righteous”—halsin says there are things in this world outside the boundaries of what we know. darkness, especially when writing and interacting with characters of color—is natural, good, a birthright

and the devil and sin? that which we are taught to be tempted by, and “owned” and “damned” by? are things that belong to US as queer people to reclaim the power of no-rules no-protestant limits of sexuality and gender under oppressive ideologies and gods which seek to harm our authentic, fucked up selves, in all the right and wrong and HUMAN ways

wyll’s father is ashamed of him for being queer, and soft. (metaphorically)

wyll is unique in his transness in that his father didn’t care what gender he was, as long as he was SUCCESSFUL, and worked IMPOSSIBLY HARD, and was perfect and stone tough in all ways.

seeing his son tempted—first by fantasy, then magic, then demons, was too much to bear.

the BLADE and “heroism” is a safe way to “couch” temptations, violence, vanity, pride, joy in temptation, and also his need for love and attention for his “goodness”, all things he was not allowed to have.

if he’s good—if he’s “one of the good ones” maybe his father will forgive him. maybe he can still be loved. maybe hes not as much of a monster as he feels he is.

in another world, perhaps, he can identify in every shade and saturation, every color of the rainbow, every light, dark, sunrise, twilight and shadow. he can be devil and angel alike and all exist in one brave, strong, true, authentic, heart

but the game doesnt allow that, makes u fill in the blanks of this lonely teenager banished, to sad adult “hero”, who still feels unworthy. even when he saves his father in a way his father would never save him

[unrelatabledude]

THE GREAT OC ROUND UP!!!!

I might make this two parts orz because of the images but i finally!! got some basic stuff down about my most important ocs. Trust me, I could post the huge group pics too but i Wouldn't have Anything to Say about them!!

LETS GO

NAME: Ryouichi Tenma

AGE: Early Twenties

HEIGHT: 154cm

VIBE: Sleepy, plant obsessed, loves monsters and ghosts and especially Slime. Off-putting and shy, but very sweet. 

LIKES: Mold, fungi and carnivorous plants. Building terrariums and aquariums. Pixel art, cryptids and ghost stories. Frogs, snails and moths.

DISLIKES: Public bathrooms, loud noises. The smell of bleach.

SUMMARY:

Ryoutan started out as a Dangan Ronpa OC, a reserve student who would be thought to be the mastermind alongside his talented twin sister. Overtime, he’s morphed to be less angry and more strange. Ryou lives slowly and relaxed. He suffers from insomnia and reads ghost stories to make himself more okay with what could be creeping in the dark. Ryou is a fat, gay trans man, and has had trouble fitting in at school leading to some really unpleasant phobias. Ryou is probably my oldest OC and he means so much to me. He has been in more AUs than I can count and I refuse to stop <3. Ryou is the ambient man u need in ur life.

NAME: Setsuna Tenma

AGE: Early Twenties

HEIGHT: 156cm

VIBE: Punk rock, standoffish. Knows how to play the piano surprisingly well.

LIKES: Rollerblading, fighting games and sports like baseball and MMA. Cats, Ren fairs. Streams frequently.

DISLIKES: Overlyfriendly people (especially men). Cold weather. 

SUMMARY:

Setsuna started out as Ryouichi’s sister in a Dangan Ronpa killing game. She was the SHSL Astrologer. Now, her backstory has her as an old child star who quickly began to resent the fame. By the time she was in high school, Setsuna would begin getting into physical fights to protect her brother, and ended her career on her own terms. As she's grown up, she enjoys playing fighting games professionally, and rollerblading. Setsuna at her core is an extremely guarded person, believing she hurt her best friend via her own search for recognition in society. She loves deeply, but has a thick prickly outer shell that few can breach. She yearns for someone to hold her, and finds it easier to interact with people who are seemingly oblivious to her resting bitch face and sardonic humor. Setsuna is a bisexual cis woman.

NAME: Ciaran 

AGE: 19-20

HEIGHT: 175cm

VIBE: Repressed Catholic Demon. Anxious and overbearing.

LIKES: The routine of cleaning, the sensation of soft silk. Choir Music. Photography and sewing

DISLIKES: Cramped, dark spaces. The smell of dirt.

SUMMARY:

Ciaran was my second DnD character, but the first I really got attached to. A tiefling abandoned by his mother to a church that hated him, Ciaran’s life has been nothing but heartache and confusion. He serves a deity named the All-Father and has committed acts under duress to serve this deity. He’s pious, and a goody-two shoes, and his arc relies heavily on him exploring himself and breaking out of that cult mentality. Essentially a brainwashed Catholic raised in a magic cult compound, Ciaran is ill equipped to interact with the world in a healthy way. Almost as if someone wants him to end his pilgrimage to explore the world knowing he would stay by the church till the end. Haha, but he wouldn't be the target of manipulation…. Would he?

Ciaran is a transmasc bi guy. His gender is complicated.

NAME: Sorrel(-Sprouted-From-Spring) Augustine

AGE: 19-21

HEIGHT: 155 cm

VIBE: Runway princess. Rough around the edges and mysterious.

LIKES: Warm paths, chocolate. Being on the beach, sailing and fencing. 

DISLIKES: Nudity, slimy feeling things. The smell of incense. The taste of blood.

SUMMARY:

Imagine being sold on the idea of Divine Rights for Kings, in a world where being king means magical control equal to nuclear power. Then imagine that sense of superiority being taken away from you when you realize you will never get it, you’re gay as fuck, you’re about to be married to the worst man you know. I mean, then the only sensible option is to confront your fiance and try to leave right? 

In doing that, Sorrel left her kingdom disfigured and cursed to become a horrible monster, now set to be a dungeon crawler in hopes of ridding herself of her fiance’s influence. Originally a Dungeon Bitchs PC (Runaway Princess), Sorrel is now my main ttrpg character in a Heart campaign (Witch with Deadwalker flavoring). 

NAME: Jun Swiftriver

AGE: Mid Twenties

HEIGHT: 178cm

VIBE: A person who has nothing left to lose. Steals everything, gives nothing.

LIKES: Shiny baubles, hot meals. Jewelry, good fabric. The feeling of a feather pillow. The sensation of water on his skin.

DISLIKES: The smell of alcohol. Flames and ash. 

SUMMARY:

Jun started life out as a DnD concept. A water genasi who grew up as an unloved child in a noble family. When the common people finally took out his father and stepmother in an awful house fire Jun took it as a sign to be exactly what he wanted to be and form a new identity. Unfortunately, living completely destitute limited his options. Today, Jun has sold everything he can and stolen everything not nailed down. He’s the traveling companion of a scholar and relearning how to interact with others from a lifetime of being put down and isolated. Jun is a gay trans man.

NAME: Toulouse

AGE: 18-19

HEIGHT: 178 cm

VIBE: Clown!! Mime!! Jester!! Contortionist!! Don’t look behind you teehee!!!!!!

LIKES: Puppets!! Colors!! Aerobatics!! Gymnastics!! Stuffed animals!!! Real animals!! 

DISLIKES: Getting hurt :<!! Beetroot :<!! Sweeping!!!!!!!!

SUMMARY:

Toulouse is a creepy pasta concept come to life. Found by a traveling circus, Toulouse was unable to speak and couldn’t give himself a name. They decided to name him after the city they found him- Toulouse. Still mostly mute, Toulouse works as an acrobat, clown and contortionist for the circus. The catch being that the circus imbues its workers with magic, and it manifested in Toulouse a strong regenerative ability. Toulouse is a clown that simply cannot die. 

NAME: Vesper

AGE: 25

HEIGHT: 174cm

VIBE: God’s perfect little jester. Mean, off putting and pathetic.

LIKES: The sea, antique dolls, the smell of newspaper. Scarves and coats (bulky)

DISLIKES: Gore, braids, heights, tight spaces. Being Ignored.

SUMMARY:

A Magnus archives oc. Vesper was a mean girl until he transitioned at uni. During this time, he realised that for longer and longer periods he would literally be invisible to everyone, and that he wasn’t just being shunned. Eventually, Vesper spent 2 years being invisible to all of society. A chance meeting with a former victim- someone who could see him and someone experiencing similar changes and powers- set him on the path to discover more about Entities. Now, Ves is a pain in the ass to everyone, and constantly on the lookout. Think about him as the guy whose being infected with every disease at once, so none of them can get to him first. Still able to become invisible and spirited others away into fog.

NAME: Kjell Thorngren

AGE: 2000+ (Elf) Around 40-50 (Human)

HEIGHT: 196cm

VIBE: Sickly sweet incense, a smile that doesn’t reach the eye. I hate you for what you did, and I miss you like a little kid.

LIKES: Old books, cracking codes. The smell of snow and summer.

DISLIKES: Loss of control, dirt. The thought and feeling of pain.

SUMMARY:

Kjell is the enigmatic leader of Ciaran’s church. He takes in orphaned boys and raises them in the far north. His church is in a strange pocket of spring in a region that always snows. Kjell worships a fringe god, The All-Father, a parasitic vine god that has infested his old friend. Many of the boys are unaware of it’s true form, and are forced to participate in ritual sacrifice to it. Kjell is ego-driven, rude and considers himself superior to everyone around him. Deep inside, he feels deeply inadequate and has fostered these children to provide both the ego boost and sense of power over them. Kjell is obsessed with his old love, Caramel, to the point of obsessing over features Ciaran shares with him. A deeply abusive man, Kjell will do almost anything to ensure Ciaran returns to his fold. Kjell is a cis man wizard.

 

NAME: Caramel

AGE: 2000+ (Elf) Around 40-50 (Human)

HEIGHT: 188cm

VIBE: Dionysus, Hedonistic. A poet and muse, an inspiration and a deep well of creativity. 

LIKES: Life's simple and indulgent pleasures, the arts. Bodies of all shapes and sizes, the warmth of a good party.

DISLIKES: Overly clingy people. Rude comments, bad social etiquette.

SUMMARY:

Caramel started out as a backstory character for Ciaran’s main backstory antagonist. Kjell’s childhood friend turned somewhat lover turned murder victim, Caramel was a bright spark in Kjell’s life that really amped up Kjell’s possessiveness. Caramel was a poet, a scholar, easy going and smarter than Kjell, and for that Kjell both wanted to kill and immortalize him. The catalyst for Kjell’s life on the run, his murder and infestation with a parasitic god, serves as the backdrop for Kjell’s false religion. He started out as a nothing character, but I adored the idea and design of him so much that he became a larger and larger fixture in our AUs. Caramel is a bi cis man.

NAME: Von

AGE: 24

HEIGHT: 170cm

VIBE: Aloof older brother. Self serving, but as kind as he can be.

LIKES: MMA, Karate and other martial arts. Making flower crowns. Climbing trees. The clink of coins.

DISLIKES: Dependency. He really dislikes anyone touching his neck and back.

SUMMARY:

The other important church boy. The only boy that would stand up for him, and someone that actively ran away from the cult Ciaran was in. He’s still out there in the world, and often feels bad that he felt like he couldn’t take him with. He shows up a lot more in AUs. Von is a mlm cis man, and a human monk.

Here are all the boys at Ciaran's church (this is super old lmao)

See you for part two!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ou of curiousity what is the fandom / show which all your previous asks are about?

it is the it lives series! it's a choose ur story game inside the app choices (yes, the one with the awful ads, but HEAR ME OUT). it's about this bunch of dumb high schoolers who used to be friends when they were kids, but ended up drifting apart when a supernatural-related tragedy killed one of their friends. now that entity is back and out for them, and they have to come together and find a way to defeat it

ur choices affect the outcome of this game because they affect yours (and the other character's) general mental wellbeing, which is called nerve, and every choice u make either takes or gives characters nerve. so what happens depends on u

YES its a horror story, NO there arent any jumpscares, NO there isnt any gore. its actually a pretty well written story that touches on many sensitive issues and has a pretty diverse cast, INCLUDING

an asian trans man (whos romanceable!)

a bi latino man (whos romanceable!)

a black woman (whos romanceable!)

a fat wlw

and a gender and race customizable main character

i have my issues with the way one of the plotlines was handled as u might have seen from my other ask BUT there are so many things they did right! and honestly every single in the main gang is genuinely likable and relatable and their stories do resonate one way or another. like its really good!!!! im just in love with it its embarrassing but idc

if u want to give it a shot, u can download a pirated version of the app so u dont have to spend gems on this link (the first one, the one that has the orange "MOD" label beneath) if u have android. or u can download it from the app store for ur phone but then ull have to spend gems to get a lot of the good scenes and not in my piracy-friendly house if i can help it

the first book is called it lives in the woods, the second one is called it lives beneath

dont feel pressure im just excited by the interest but if u do give it a shot lmk 👀

[miriossunshine]

Hello! Could i ask for a matchup plz?! Hero or villain. Im 18, fem, bi but prefer men. I have long dirty blond hair, blue/grey eyes. I have glasses, wear mostly lose black clothes. Im very reserved and quite untill I get to know a person. If im around people I know im funny, and talk a lot more. I am empathetic and hate when people force their views on others. I have dark humor, enjoy drawing, writing, video games. I also need my time to be alone or I get irritated. Thank you!!

yes yes yes! :D

i ship you with tomura shigaraki!

ok so i rlly like the contrasts in ur personalities ??

tomura wouldn’t think of you as a threat or anything at first bc you’re so quiet,, but when you open up and show your empathetic side, he’d start to become more interested in you and ur opinions

he has very little empathy and would label you as naive at first for caring so much about others,, and he’d def feel protective of you when you guys get closer ><

the more you open up to him, the more he starts to appreciate you more outwardly. he’d laugh (although it’s more like a chuckle or a snort,, he’s got a lotta pride ok-) at your jokes especially because of your dark humor. -v-

you might get defensive at his initial wants for everything to go his way, but i think another big tell that he likes you is that he’d mature more and become more patient as he’d actually listen to your opinions (*´꒳`*)

tomura would also use ur “naivety” as a way to hide his crush on you by saying you’ll get yourself killed/hurt unless he’s there to protect u (-.-;) but in reality he just really wants you to be safe-

i can see him offering you his black hoodie to wear, muttering that it suits your usual style~

(i’ve seen a lot of ppl hc that tomura plays video games so-) you’d be the person to introduce him to video games. he’d use it as a way for u both to de stress ! when u end up together youll play games together while u sit in his lap ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

tomura would rest his chin on your shoulder to watch as you draw (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

he’d totallyyyy understand your needing time alone cuz i can see him being the same way. it’d give you guys a healthy amount of time together and apart !

[sarah-snook]

Hi, I didn't mean to sound threatening when I asked about ur mom knowing ur bi 😥 I asked because I saw u posted about her making plans for u over the winter break. I live a double life because of my mother 😓 She stalks me online but she doesn't know about Tumblr yet. So I can be somewhat free here. I am so very afraid of coming out to her. Idk how or when. It's killing me not being my true self all the time. Once again I didn't mean to come off like that. I'm sorry. I thought u could relate

oh god yeah i can def relate lmfao it really does feel like i’m living a double life. it sounded threatening because i guess i didn’t get the whole story behind the question lol so it just kind of sounded scary to randomly get a message with just that question

but yeah no no one irl knows i’m bi except for one of my friends who’s gay and i felt comfortable telling. and i guess my 4 irl friends who follow me on here know too based on what i post but i haven’t officially told them. shout out to them for never bringing it up at all lol.

my mom def used to do shit like that….she would monitor who i talked to and i got in trouble when she found out i was using line to talk to people online when i used to play this marvel game that’s no longer in the app store. it was this whole thing and after that she asked for all my passwords to everything and it felt so invasive. and this was when i was in undergrad….a full ass 21 year old.

she also got super defensive and mad about me hanging out with a friend in college because she thought she might be my girlfriend and she even full out asked me if i was lesbian, which i’m not and at that point in my life i hadn’t really thought about the possibility that i might be into girls also. i thought i was straight…..and it wasn’t until last year that i kind of came to terms with it. i’ve gotten vibes from her recently that she might be ok with me being bi….but it could also be that whole “it’s ok as long as it happens to other people not to me” mentality and for now i’m not going to say anything to anyone. it’s scary and in all honesty i’m still trying to get used to it myself. like this february will be a year that i came out to my friend so like it’s still very new even to me. 

eddieways….yes i can relate lol

[bigowlenergy]

Notes on Gender, Ethnicity, and Culture

At the heart of the etoneki conflict/drama is nothing more than culture clash.

Eto may be amazing at studying others and have replicated humanity well enough to be a respected author among humans without anyone finding any clues to her ghoul nature, not even Haise in RE: - but she is still someone who was raised by ghouls. Her base nature is as a ghoul, from the 24th ward specifically. Naturally, there’s going to be some confusion between her and Kaneki, who was raised by humans.

But that leaves the good good question of what those differences should be. Clearly, some should be tiny, but there NEED to be huge misunderstandings bc I live for that kind of drama. Also, it’s a slowburn, so. that’s how it is.

this is long, and tagged for spoilers for a good reason. nothing specific, but if u like being surprised by the plot in ur grapefruit, go no further as of chapter 5

1) Ghouls have ABO while humans do not. Sure, there was a decently long time where Kaneki lived among ghouls, but can u picture early chapter Touka willingly sitting him down and giving the birds and the bees and the grasshoppers and also the spiders Talk? I think not. Maybe Kouma? Itori would. Like, they’d both kill him dead with it, but they would. And knowing the contexts within another culture doesn’t mean that you have assimilated those words/concepts to your own yourself, or that you actually know every single social detail, especially as it applies to others.

...but Eto does. And human gender/sexuality is fairly simple on the whole, except when it isn’t, so she has a leg up on him there.

plus, the way I have the ABO structured, it makes a bit more sense for him to be less aware of it, since his gender, as perceived by ghouls, is the most privileged one. Especially since its associated with deliberate power gain, which he totally played into during the later half of the first TG, so it would be a natural assumption for ghouls to make that he understood that he was acting exactly as his gender is socially expected to. and in a way that would socially cement his powerful omega status.

Tsukiyama would totally say something about it, since with the whole affluent family thing he’d probably be very aware of gender and social dynamics, but anything shuu says can be followed by “and he called me a cabbage in French last week, so okay shuu, whatever poetics ‘omega’ means to u, go ahead, have your fun buddy.” Banjou, who was involved with Rize, would be too worried about offending him or making it embarrassing to say anything. and as a ghoul even lower than shuu, he’d be super conservative about getting up in an omega’s business. It would just be this ambiguous open secret that everyone but Kaneki is totally, painfully aware of. the gasmask trio find this hilarious. Hina is a wee bab whose parent was a doctor for ghouls, so she just accepts her big bro as is.

so there’s eto’s expectations to be basically an underling to someone powerful as a normal, comfortable relationship dynamic, pitted against kaneki’s human-embedded inclination toward monogamy and not something that feels like weird bdsm domination stuff. they each are expecting a certain treatment from one another, and not getting it. eto feels neglected, since he isn’t all in her business and allowing her to settle in the shadow of his power and just ride things out, and kaneki, with only human expectations for sex, gender, and whatever the hell just happened, expects the worst from her as the “““male”““ in the relationship who manipulated him.

the conflict is that neither happens.

all of the power is on his side of the court, but in human terms, it feels like the opposite - vis a vis, human misogyny and all the horrible expectations for a sex and reproduction based marriage system that go along with that.

which is why i’ve inverted all that to make myself feel better :)

2) i kicked knots out bc idk about that business, but there have to be other physical differences. there have to be, or its boring. and then again, since both are hybrids, what should either have?

i’ve decided eto will have all physical differences or a learned equivalent due to ghoul socialization, while kaneki should have none but whatever was forced on him through his kakuhou - ie, pheromone stuff, but nothing more.

ghouls can purr, bc i am weak to that shit. Kaneki is aware of this. it’s just a Thing that they do. he’s read to Hina and she’s fallen asleep purring before and it was adorable. irimi purrs very quietly when she cleans things. uta is a purr machine when he makes masks, and it knocks yomo out unless he’s drunk, then he just purrs like a truck engine from the floor near uta’s desk for three hours. touka hasn’t purred since ayato left

eto purrs when she’s satisfied with her writing flow, which is one of the main reasons she prefers to work alone in her apartment and keep shiono out. otherwise, she doesn’t mind company. she also purrs when happy, like most ghouls. kaneki does not. i can site Haise’s RC scan on this: since he never took damage to the throat, he never had a chance to heal ‘more ghoul’ in that area.

so the exchange of a happy eto, deeply content with their uneasy peace, purring to express such delight, meets a blank wall that doesn’t agree. her social expression of happiness clashes up against kaneki only maybe leaning toward physical affection and being quiet. he can understand that she is happy, and she can understand that he can’t respond in the same way, but the dynamics of their relationship make her doubt her actions and get instinctually afraid of doing something wrong and upsetting someone much more powerful than her who also decides if she is allowed to reproduce with him or not. and stops purring and gets unsettled. kaneki is only confused and maybe she doesn’t like being touched? time to touch less. oh no, she did do Something Wrong and now omega is mad at her!! interpersonal drama escalates on both sides >:3c

ghouls have great night vision. kaneki also does and you know why. youve read the series. full ghouls have tapetum lucidum in both eyes, but eto only has it in her single ghoul eye. her vision is unbalanced in the dark but due to her learning to compensate for the slight reduction in light capture on one side she gets by just fine. it also parallels nicely with arima’s poor eyesight and learning to compensate for it.

ghouls are crepuscular while humans are diurnal, but this doesn’t matter since neither of etoneki know what a sleep schedule is. and the 24th ward doesn’t experience day/night cycles, so they have their own issues with sleeping when safe, do not sleep when not safe.

ghouls tend toward pack structure, but not in a rigid way where there can only be one omega/powerful ghoul per unit. as long as everybody gets along personally, its fine. omega don’t see each other as competition. alpha toss themselves at their feet without prompting. they’re not a scarce resource. alpha don’t even really fight over omega unless completely affected by heat and rut cycles and unable to grasp the concept of maybe next time. but even that is rare, mostly only those who are jealous as a person attempt this. if alpha fight over an omega and one wins, the omega might just kill them for taking away some of their prospects, or might be impressed by the show of strength. or annoyed by it, bc they want weak underlings. depends on the person. (eto is more than a bit possessive, at least for his first heat.)

more on this point as i think of it.

3)  I haven’t specified kaneki’s personal gender identity for a reason. that reason is that i’m not sure what direction i want to go. this is strictly for maman, not Sugar, which is trans girl Sasako forever. for this piece of feti/sh garbage? whom knows! (I know. and until word of god says otherwise - i’m god - every character is trans.)

but really, there’s options. and i love them all.

A) kaneki was trans all along. hide is best bi bud. aunt was a bitch, but nothing worse than canon since he was closeted at the time, although he doubly prepared to never speak to her again. (true neutral)

B) woke up a ghoul and with new parts. why believe a species change but not a sex change, eh? heightens the early game confusion and search for id as a person whose major ids have changed against his will. (lawful neutral)

C) gradual transformation. like how he came into his strength as a ghoul slowly. read a doujin like this once. was okay. quality art, big titties, 8/10. ngl would read the sequel. (Perhaps I am writing the sequel? aren’t we all just chasing our Brands across the lonely internet, hopping from one computer virus to the next? maybe u die reading hentai, or u live long enough to see urself post to ao3.) (chaotic neutral)

D) heals himself a new set of parts due to intense damage. see the haise RC chart, which has a ton of pathways around the hips/torso area. parallels with cutting eto in half?? (also lawful neutral)

E) started happening as a transformation when eto’s pheromones triggered his heat cycle for the first time. boy would he be pissed at her X2 lmao (lawful evil)

F) transformation during #240 time due to losing all memory and only having instinct to structure his body with, and just enough RC pathways to make a hormone based transformation possible. Chiba would have had a field day, but also would have torn out his horrible bowl cut in confusion. get rekt bud. not even #240 knows wtf goin on (neutral evil)

G) maybe he just wanted a vag! thought about that?? learns he is supposed to be able to manipulate his flesh like his kagune, which he is canonically great at, and just Goes For It. it works. he is a strong, dependent idiot who don’t need no dick. (iconic)

H) same as above, but that’s just what Haise does when he has the reigns. looks deep into his pastless self and asks ‘do i have to put up with this cis nonsense? not today.’ (chaotic iconic)

I) it happens suddenly when he activates his kakuja for the first time. queer the monster transformation u wish to see in the world. just. so confused. but also there’s Guilt to be felt about banjou and amon and such, so that’s back burner. (chaotic evil)

okay, so in like fifteen minutes i was able to name 9 perfect opportunities for ishida to carry though the motif of 1)iding with female ghouls 2)paralleling with canon trans man mutsuki 3)litcherally having a female ghoul organ donation fiasco 4)being associated with vacillating between masculine yang and feminine yin black/white 5)having a narrative that revolved around accepting his body and learning to find his own strength and id that is different than what he was born with - but coward ishida stopped sixty miles short of the mark. fool. I Cannot Feast Upon Crumbs, Sir. Sir, You Have Given Me Airplane Peanuts For Supper. Sir, I Am Starving And Antagonistic At Best.

(i shouldn’t call him a coward. three huge series magically having the same Wife And Kids ending all during the time shinzou abe is in office? probably not a coincidence. hope they got a good payout for it. i’d sell out for that $$$ too tbh)

eto is just an alpha. her human social id is a Normal Human Female Who Is Totally Cis and Straight for maximum social acceptance and ease of integration, but that’s only her mask. her personal id is an alpha, which is cis by ghoul standards, and she uses she/her pronouns bc she feels like it. she has the power to id as above alpha, but she enjoys the social invisibility it gives her, since she can blend in the background whereever and noone looks at her presumably weak ass twice. like chie, but for nefarious purposes.

....does that make her the equivalent of a ghoul feminist? i’m getting Too Deep

4) the wards can be isolated and far apart, and its been explored in canon with the Three Blades family and the white suites - congrats u 2 - and ghoul organizations that have a home ward having distinct cultural differences from one another. small ethnic groups and isolated diaspora? natives? subset?? of whatever the 24th ward ghouls - sorry, tokyo humans - are.

this sort of thing is only tangentially related to kaneki. if someone with a texas accent teaches someone to speak english, that person will have that accent, whether they’v ever been to texas or not. so he has some of the social mannerisms of a 20th ward ghoul, but generally still has a lot of ingrained human attributes to confuse them.

5) i’m still fascinated by the half finished thought about there are just some ghouls who become binge eaters in canon. like Rize wasn’t special for it. I think shinohara mentioned this?? but. it makes sense. general food insecurity, lack of permanent social support, total oppression, absurd power levels, plenty of humans to take it out on...ye.

and kaneki has the kakuhou of an adult binge eater. there’s cool hints of the kakuhou being parasitic, so a mature one would def fall into the biological fulfillment of binge eating for strength and carry that genetic knowledge into a new host. and from there, it would induce cravings, serotonin reward systems, and all that good stuff to get what its come to like.... like, mayhaps, a cordycepts? ;)

well, i’ve put ‘binge eater’ down as just a general omega trait, since it feels authentic to do so, so we’ll see what i do with this in the future. i will also see, since i too am ignorant of my own self. what will my horny subconscious do next? i am usually the last to know.

anyway,

peace

[nyruratchet]

Notes 4 - The Morning After

“People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

There are pills for straight couples to avoid pregnancy after a few moments of bliss, there are pills to help people stay safe from contracting HIV, there are pills to recorrect the chemical imbalance for people struggling with mental issues; there are pills for EVERYTHING, but no one has derived a magical pill to fix the pain one feels when forced to wake up the morning after valentine’s day alone.

Actually, this problem doesn’t just exist on Valentine’s day. But, seeing as how I’m perpetually single, I can attest to the fact that this day is the most painful (all other holidays come second). Just yesterday, someone asked a question, “yall fall in love with niggas y’all meet on apps??”

My response: Honestly, what are the other options? This is a legitimate question...

Him: Go meet someone in real life...apps aren’t real life! You don’t know that nigga til u see him. In real life, u see everything you as over and over on the app.

Me: You do (meet them), but those are the same guys on the apps. And no one gives you the time of day at bars, events, etc. So, ur stuck with friends of friends, coworkers (nope) and apps...really (WTF?)

Him: Idk who y’all meeting but niggs stay tryin to see wassup on the low when I’m out...especially the damn gym!

Now, I then had to check him and remind him that, just because YOU are so attractive and have thousands of followers that men just flock to you, THAT IS NOT the average gay man’s reality. Just recently a black man on Grindr says he doesn’t like black men. Only whites and latinos. Yep, this is the world I live in. So when you all think I’m crazy to think I’m not in someone’s league, please know there are factors in the chess game that I’m aware of that you have NO CLUE about. Being the darker brother in the gay community is not easy and constantly I am made to feel like I’m not worthy of inclusion in it. Being dark is not acceptable. Nor is being skinny. Nor is not having a BBC (which is all anyone seems to value from us). Nor is being open to love; I’ve been faulted way too many times for that tbh. Almost as many times as I’ve been skinny-shamed or considered fem. Guys in our community are looking more for TS girls than black men. Period. I see “girls” on Grindr far too much. THERE, I said what I said. Grindr’s way of dealing with this influx...ask me to list myself as a CIS man. NO THE FUCK I WILL NOT! I’m a man. These labels are too much. can’t meet men in bars or apps or work. So, let me know...HOW?

To lose my virginity I had to get on craigslist and whore myself out like a rentboy (no money involved) only to get this catfish older man to respond. I was 21 years old and saw this as my only chance before moving to NY. Guys throughout my life up until this point (as i wrote about in my last post) had been ignoring me. I was invisible in the world of gay sex. I might as well have been a eunuch or a monk. I was always the “friend”...still am. So, I took this less then adequate gentleman and let him penetrate me for the first time; give me my first kiss (yuck, it was awful); and teach me a few things. I thought, after this, I’ll never have to settle for less than I deserve...BOY was I wrong.

Back to the part about me being invisible for a moment. Throughout high school, people knew I was gay. I told a few guys and expressed interest and they paid me no attention. COME TO FIND OUT, my (at the time good) friend Jonathan, had slept with a quite a few of them. (Backstory, I fell for Jonathan, he spurned me too, we became great friends, he then transitioned into being a woman, and now we don’t really talk). So, When I found this out, I was devastated. TO THIS DAY, I will never understand why I was not enough. I was SOOOOO nice to these guys. Dustin used to get picked on in middle school, and I used to stand up for him. Nick was the most beautiful boy in the world in high school with a smile that could like up the darkest soul and I would always root for him, etc. But, I wasn’t who they wanted. I mean, You think I’m a good guy now, you should have known me back then. I was such a kind spirit. My soul is so dark now and I don’t think that will ever be rectified.

These next instances are the reasons I will never be untainted. THESE STORIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. If you don’t want to cry, feel sorry for me, or worry, stop reading now.

I have been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. These stories are in sequential order.

When I was traveling once, I was drinking and felt like fulling one of my fantasies. I don’t remember why, but i know that I hadn’t been touched in a WHILE. And for a person who needs that, just a moment where someone can use you to “get off” is enough to make it through the night. One fantasy that is very popular in the gay community of being fucked by visitor who comes in the unlocked door and fucks you, then leaves after he finishes. No strings attached (NSA), photos presented beforehand (pics), usually some time of safeguards in place. I was new, and it was my fault. This guy sent me pictures on whatever app I was using, think it was Craigslist. He told me all his information, I told him where I was staying and said I’d be blindfolded, ready for him to fuck me when he walked in. As SOON as he walked in, I heard the door close and lock and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came up behind me, naked and grabbed my neck chokingly and SHOVED into me. And this guy’s body was WAY bigger than what he said. He was chub/stocky and nothing like what he had sent me. I tried to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want HIM. But clearly, he had done this before. And this was before catfishing was a THING. So, he wasn’t going to stop no matter how much I struggled. So, I resulted that this was a part of the “fantasy” that I had signed up for. I could NOT call this rape. I will never call that rape. Yes, someone lied to me, wouldn’t stop when I said so, but I was totally in the wrong here. I put myself in a situation to be taken advantage of by a stranger. That is one of the things that makes this fantasy so hot. Just happens in my case, that it went terribly awry,  So, I went limp and let him finish. He left. I locked the door and took down the posting I had made. My throat was on fire and he had pulled my hair too hard. But he was gone and I was alone again. 

Another time in a hotel room, laying over in Washington, Dulles I was getting ready for bed. I was hungry, so put my iphone on the charger, grabbed my food and went for the microwave on another floor. When I came back, my phone was charged enough to check my facebook. As soon as I opened it up, on my timeline it says “PAUL IS IN A RELATIONSHIP”. I said, wait...what? My Paul? the one who I helped move? The one I got a xmas tree for? The one I held while crying? The one I protected from himself? The one whose bed I was JUST in? The guy I had been talking to like every day? My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been naive. We weren’t a couple. He wan’t mine. But I wanted him, made it known. He said lots of things that didn’t add up to much. But, I was in his life, so I accepted that until he could give me more. But when I saw THAT status. I LOST it! Why? because he had told me WORD FOR WORD: “I don’t want a relationship right now. I have some little twink guy from this broadway show who likes me, but I’m not interested.” I always did status checks to make sure I didn’t get blindsided. But alas, here I was despite all my effors. My body went NUMB. Tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and asked God or whomever was in charge of things WHY the FUCK was it not me?? Am I not cute enough? Am I too poor? Not successful enough? What did I do? I immediately texted my friend Ant and told her what was up and that I was ready to end it. Before I knew it, I was on a 3 way call. What no one knows is, at one point I was bathroom, in the tub, with a razor, a full bottle of advil, a bottle of wine to hopefully make the blood run faster. I had never contemplated killing myself. This was a knee-jerk reaction to someone I loved with every fiber of my being choosing to give his love to someone else who didnt even have to try! If he could throw me away after I gave all I had and more that I didn’t even know I had in me, and he STILL didn’t want me, how is anyone else gonna love/choose me? So, I was ready to end it. Cuz I knew, this would not be the last time this would happen; guys don’t seem to care who they hurt or how. Paul texted me and said he didn’t owe me any explanation “dude”.  But my friends talked me down from that ledge I was prepping to jump off. I also was terrified of doing it. I didn’t know if it would even work. And I didnt want my family to go through that. Till this day, that is why I could never commit suicide. I do think about it, yes. My life sucks. And try as I may, I don’t see a reason for me being here. And yes, I’ve been to many therapists ever since college. Its not a problem that can be talked out. I suffer from depression that can only be assuaged by fixing the problem; the problem is my life. (love, money, music). So, I just try to keep on. I’m not bi-polar; although, sometimes I wish I were. That is a diagnosis that can be managed with medication. My life, cannot be managed. But I’m trying...I am trying.

Now, as I mentioned before, not a big fan of coworker dating/fucking/etc. HOWEVER, there are 2 people I have always said I’d try if I had the chance. Because they may be reading this (doubt it, but I will fight my petty urges), We’ll just call them Trip and Kurt. Now, Trip and I have been messaging off and on doing this whole cat and mouse thing for years. He winds up telling me he’s interested but we couldn’t tell anyone at work; which I agreed to. And would have tried to keep his confidence, FOR HIM. He is really against work relations as well. This all started with grindr and just escalated to us talking off and on. Finally one day, he texts ME and asks “Hey sexy, you in NY?” I wasn’t. Was working. But I never post my whereabouts on FBOOK so, the question was warranted. He said he really wanted to fuck. Our paths kept not being able to cross. So, LONG story short, I rearranged my schedule and we set up a “date” at his place when I got back. I was working a redeye. Told him I’d get home, run my errands take a quick nap and be over to make a full day of it. Trip agrees with everything. I do exactly what I say (I’m a Leo, it’s what we do. We’re consistent. We’re straight forward). I pick up a bottle of $20+ wine to show him I really give a shit and to be courteous because a good southern boy doesn’t arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I knew he had been done wrong and I wanted to put my first foot forward, even if it was just sex he wanted. I message him when I was on the way back home...no response. Ok, I wanna shower. Text him again...tells me he’s out. I say, “ok well just tell me when to head over. I’ll be at home” He says “ok sounds good baby.”  Ok, so I take my hour nap so I don’t miss his text. (For me, you KNOW that is no small feat!) I get up and he still hasn’t messaged me. So I wait...and wait...and wait for 5 hours. Then I text him “Ok...well, headed to bed I guess. Hope you had a good night. (he’s scheduled to work the next day so I KNOW no late fun was happening)  But beforehand, my spidey senses were tingling. So, I got on facebook. OH, he’s out living his best life! Fuck MY time right? Awesome. I had a drink then went to sleep. Next day, he messages me that he fell asleep after getting home. BOO, so...you left your friends (after you went out...yeah, I saw the check-ins), hopped a train, got home, and never NOT ONCE thought to text me to tell me a damn thing?! But you say “sorry” and I’m supposed to just accept that? No. I wanted you past the point of that barrier I placed up barring all guys I worked with. You just took a big dump on that AND made me feel shitty in the process. I took that bottle of white wine to the head by myself at some point btw...

Now Kurt, he’s special...I met him and was immediately entranced. To keep this one shorter, he also told me HE DIDNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE. Guys need to stop telling these motha fuckin lies!  Ok, so I’ll be your friend. But I really like him. So, I’m minding my own business and facebook again notifies me, Kurt is in a relationship. OH? with WHOM? Oh! someone we work with? Someone you met AFTER ME?! Interesting...now, when this boy confessed a secret to me, I was totally loving and told him my past experiences and that he’s and amazing person, etc. So, the next time we work together, I don’t mention his new BF. He brings it up and explains how and why he fell for him. WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT, the boyfriend said the same thing I did about his secret but just BEFORE he happened to conceal it. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes when he told me that. It was like a smack in the face. If you don’t think I’m cute, just say that. But don’t talk about how someone’s heart won you over. Cuz I was here loving on you before. I went back up to my room (tipsy) turned on some Aaliyah and cried myself to sleep. I am never gonna be enough for these boys/men. I saw that now. Paul had recently resurged and re-exited my life after telling me he loved me. I WAITED for that! He was the first man to ever say those words. And they were supposed to mean something! And shortly after...he ghosted me again. So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at this point.

No matter what I do, I’m never good enough. I keep trying to be the best me and there is always someone there saying, nah...this other dude is better. Swipe left. “Thank you, Next” (I don’t like Ariana Grande btw.) I have this fear that when I’m old, some guy I’ve loved forever will find me and say, I married someone else. He’s gone now, he did me wrong. We can be together now. Like I’m only going to be someone’s choice after their first choices have bit the dust. That is NOT okay with me. 

So, here I am on Valentine’s day trying to explain to all of you who have someone to “come home to”. EVEN if you don’t like Vday, do not pretend that this day doesn’t matter or make people feel a certain way. I’m alone AND I’m lonely. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel this unless you tell me how to not feel that way; and your explanation better not involve friends. Sorry, friends have their own issues and while checking in and venting is great, they can’t be your life support. They can’t help you take care of your heart. Especially if they are married, have kids, etc. You’re the single 3rd wheel. 

I tried to take myself to the movies. The movies I wanted were all sold out by couples. Dinner, tables full. So, I ate leftovers from yesterday’s dinner I cooked and am halfway through this bottle of wine. You cannot fault a person for wanting love. Finding it may have been somewhat easy/happenstance for you. And I try not to fault YOU for that. Everything has been hard for me. Literally, everything. That’s the only reason I’m still here. Because when something happens, I yell, scream, vent, handle it like Olivia Pope, then continue on. No one is there at night when i lay down. No one said Happy Valentine’s day to me today. No one is gonna smile at me when i wake up in the morning.  Nope, I have to survive my morning after by myself. No pill in hand to help.

“Children needing other children, yet letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside...acting more like children, than children.”

[filmbutch]

honestly if u got good gay movie recs... i would totally appreciate them! i’ve seen most of the popular good ones but i’d love to hear abt more

Just in case you or other people have missed one of the more popular ones, I want to start by saying But I’m a Cheerleader is my favorite and is at the top of most lesbian movie lists for a good reason. A lot of other lists have included the movies Imagine Me & You, Carol, and The Handmaiden, which are also all great. Almost everyone has heard of Blue is the Warmest Color, which I’ve only seen once a long time ago but would not recommend because of the way the director treated the actresses especially during the filming of the sex scene.

Anyways this list became more detailed than I originally intended so I’m just gonna put my recs below the cut lol

Movies  that aren’t sad (or are only partially sad):

Desert Hearts (1985) - one of the first (if not the first) movies about a romantic relationship between women that  doesn’t end in one or both of them dying or leaving the other to be with a man. Directed by Donna Deitch who is gay.

D.E.B.S. (2004) - probably the most fun/light hearted movie I’ve seen that’s centered around a romance between two women. It’s a cheesy movie about a spy who falls in love with a villain and is written and directed by Angela Robinson who is bi.

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love (1995) - cute and kinda cheesy teen rom com written and directed by Maria Maggenti who is bi.

The Watermelon Woman (1996) - a lesbian filmmaker works on a documentary about a black actress from the 1930s. The film explores themes of how there are gaps in recorded history, and how race effects relationships. It was written and directed by Cheryl Dunye, making it the first (known/more popular) feature film directed by a black lesbian.

If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000) - explores the lives of three lesbian couples who happened to live in the same house at different periods of time. The first part takes place in 1961 and is sad, the second part takes place in 1972 and is the part all those butch Chloe Sevigny gifs are from, and the last part takes place in 2000 and stars Ellen.

Saving Face (2004) - super cute and good rom com about a Chinese American lesbian and her traditionalist mother written and directed by Alice Wu  who is a lesbian.

The Runaways (2010) - if ur gay for rock n roll please watch this. I love bicon Joan Jett

Cloudburst (2011) - about an older lesbian couple who go on a road trip to get married and the ending is kind of sad but it’s worth watching imo.

Pariah (2011) - about a butch lesbian teenager growing up in Brooklyn. It’s really sad in some parts but by the end she’s very at peace with herself. Written and directed by Dee Rees who is a lesbian.

Life Partners (2014) - cute movie about the friendship between a straight woman and a lesbian and how their friendship changes when the straight woman gets married

Boy Meets Girl (2015) - about a bisexual trans girl (played by a trans actress) who wants to go to college be a fashion designerGrandma (2015) - Lily Tomlin plays a lesbian grandma who helps her granddaughter get money to have an abortion

Dope (2015) - tbh the lesbian isn’t even the main character, but it’s a cute movie and Kiersey Clemons is hot so it’s on here anyway

The Intervention (2016) - Clea DuVall and Natasha Lyonne play a couple again, Melanie Lynskey and Alia Shawkat are also in it. Written and directed by Clea DuVall who is a lesbianProfessor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017) - probably not super historically accurate tbh but it’s about the polyamorous relationship between the creator of Wonder Woman, his wife, and their lover. I was pleasantly surprised that the movie focused just as much if not more on the relationship between the two women as it did on their relationship to the man. It is written and directed by Angela Robinson, a bi woman.

Battle of the Sexes (2017) - I know people on here don’t like Emma Stone but Billie Jean King is cool as fuck, the scenes between her and Marilyn were beautiful, and this movie was underrated

Movies that are pretty sad throughout but good:

Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) - not as gay as the book and the ending (and other parts) are sad, but I would die for the main character (and butch icon) Idgie.

Lovesong (2016) - two women are probably in love with each other go on a road trip but one of them is getting married to a man :( the other one is played by Jenna Malone though who I’ve been wanting to play gay since she played Johanna in the Hunger Games so :) ?

Novitiate (2017) - lesbian nuns, Catholic guilt, idk it’s good though

Movies that didn’t necessarily fit into the other categories because they are either intense, weird, and/or  involve murder:

Born in Flames (1983) - I wasn’t really sure what category to put this movie in since its style is so different from the others, but it’s about activists fighting for women’s liberation in a fictional version of the US where there has been a socialist revolution that promised to make things better, but put off women’s rights in the process. Anyone interested in feminism and leftist politics should check it out. It was made by Lizzie Borden, who is bisexual.

Heavenly Creatures (1994) - a movie about a super intense childhood friendship that gets pretty dark, which I know it’s a trope, but I liked this movie anyway idk

Mulholland Drive (2001) - the most real thing in this movie about surrealist Hollywood was the relationship between the two women

Monster (2003) - based on the life of  serial killer Aileen Wuornos. It’s super violent/depressing/disturbing, but worth the watch imo. Directed by Patty Jenkins who directed Wonder Woman.

Jennifer’s Body (2009) - some people like to argue over whether they were actually gay or not but like…they were…it was also directed and written by women.

Addicted to Fresno (2015) - two sisters accidentally murder someone and try to cover it up. Written by Karey Dornetto who is gay and directed by Jamie Babbit who is a lesbian and also wrote/directed But I’m a Cheerleader.

Women Who Kill (2016) - about exes who are true crime podcasters. One of them starts dating someone and the other thinks her new girlfriend might be a murderer. Super interesting and can be interpreted as a metaphor for internalized homophobia. Written and directed by Ingrid Jungermann who is gay.

Atomic Blonde (2017) - bisexual spy Charlize Theron. I am gay. It falls into some bad tropes but I. Am. Gay.

Thelma (2017) - a Norwegian movie about a lesbian with supernatural abilities. It might be my favorite movie of 2017 tbh.

Documentaries:

Out in the Night (2014) - a really depressing and frustrating doc about a group of black lesbians who were unfairly imprisoned after fighting back against their attacker

Gender Troubles: The Butches (2016) - a doc about butches and gender presentation

Movies that are coming out soon that I wanna see:

Colette

Duck Butter

Hearts Beat Loud

Lizzie

The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Tully

Vita and Virginia

Wild Nights With Emily

[hagiographically]

For the ask game: all the questions with 3 in their numbers!

eee thank u!!

3. Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?

this really depends on ur definition of “relationship.” if you mean like official, exclusive, committed, etc. then i guess i haven’t been in one of those. if you mean like “boyfriend/girlfriend” (lmao am i 12?) then i’ve only been in my current one for a few weeks. if you mean relationship in a broad sense like just someone ur seeing romantically, then a couple years. i do consider my (ex) fwb a relationship that ebbed and flowed because at certain points we had feelings for each other, we would go out on dates, sometimes would tell people we were dating, etc. we just had/have a weird thing going on haha

13. What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

i’m not sure! i don’t really regret that much? i think all of them have made me who i am and even though i dont like her, i cant see them going any other way. i wish i was less of a mess around the headache and my recent ex-fwb because they saw me during a lot of dark times, but idt either judge me for it.

23. How many relationships have you had?

again, depends on what you consider official relationships. i would say ive had 5 that were definite Things. i had a couple others last year, but i never felt that romantic towards either of those guys so i dont count it. (but really 2 main ones i guess)

30. Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

not sure! im panromantic and probably heteroflex

31. Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

honestly i prefer neurodivergents i hate dating neurotypicals sometimes they dont Get It

32. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

no, i havent, and im very grateful because im a super vulnerable and fragile person so i couldnt handle if anyone took advantage of that. ive actually been super lucky that the vast majority of the people ive been with have been pretty respectful

33. Do you want to get married one day?

yes i think so!

34. What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?

my first reaction was honestly “ugh straight people” but im sure nonstraights do this as well but tbh personally i could not

35. Could you be in a relationship without sex?

yes, absolutely. i like sex and i have it a lot (lol) but if my partner didnt want it i would never try to make them. however i have never been in an exclusive relationship so maybe it would be hard for me to go a long time without it, idk. i couldnt say.

36. Are you still a virgin?

hahaha that ship sailed a couple years ago and never turned back tbh

37. What’s more important: Looks or personality?

what kind of question!!! i will not pretend im great. im generally kind of trash. but i have not really ever been shallow. i p much always am into people based on personality. like yeah if ur hot i might look at u more, but i wont develop a Crush unless theres something beyond that

38. Do you enjoy love films?

not unless they’re REALLY good and not just white cishets bc i get Enough Of That

39. Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

noooo i always kill plants its sad and probably metaphorical 

43. What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?

my partner is my friend and all my past partners have been my friends. that being said its not a dichotomy. if my partner needs me ill be there for them. if my friends need me ill be there for them too. whoever makes me choose is kinda shitty for putting me in that position

53. Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

im jealous of couples now, my dude

63. Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

lmao i dont think so! i used to watch porn w/ ex fwb sometimes for fun. then again we werent exclusive, but if we were i still dont think i would have minded. i guess it also depends if the porn is problematic

[mite75]

all of the valentines asks!!! I'm so nosey!

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?: no and idk I'm thinking about keeping it that way for a while unless someone for sure likes me and wants to date.2: Have you ever been deeply in love?: nope3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?: 2 months ^^;4: Have you ever changed for someone?: yup5: How is your relationship with your ex?: bad and ehh6: Have you ever been cheated on?: no dont think so7: Have you ever cheated?: NO8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?: depends on our relationship. but there would be no slack if i even suspected of cheating it might be the end of the relationship and possibly friendship depending on how they act after.9: What's the most important part of a relationship?: trust communication and enjoying being together10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?: i want to be in a serious relationship. i always want to give space at first tho. if in the first few weeks/ month or 2 we see we’re not right for each other that’s chill, we break up no hard feelings anywhere. but like after that i prob really consider it at least pretty serious.11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?: depends. if it’s like alone time or days yea!! but if it’s like entire weeks/months?? and they happen a lot maybe we need to find other people.12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?: 2 both online and in middle school.13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?: nope not really14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?: i can't put input in this because i’ve never wanted sex idk what it feels like in high school to want to have sex. for me i’d say when you’re legally an adult but tbh i can't say anything.21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?: OFC if you can't be friends after a break up maybe your relationship wasn't that great to start >_>22: Do you think people should date their friends?: yea why not??? why would you not want to date someone you can be friends with? or like why would you need to date a stranger?23: How many relationships have you had?: 224: Do you think love can last forever?: idk i have not experienced it. I feel like it can but it’s really hard.25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?: nope!! it can help but it won't defeat any evil you have to do that.27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?: mmmm I'm not qualified to give advice to myself. i would go back to five year old me and be like hey,, dude ur gay.28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?: yes but it’s hard ;_;29: What do you notice first about another person?: usually how they look because I'm not a talker, sometimes it’s an interest they have tho. idk 30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?: I'm a ace lesbian 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?: yes but it would not stop me from wanting to date them. it would only bother me in the sense that some days i prob would not be able to help them or be there for them. love doesn't stop mental illness i know that but i really would try to help my partner if they wanted it.32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?: no33: Do you want to get married one day?: yes! i mean I'm not in a rush or anything actually I'm super cautious about the topic of marriage in general. but idk it just sounds good to get married to someone you’ve loved for a long time.34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?: nope!! sorry i hate needles I'm not getting words on my skin. only images if i really want them. things that are symbolic. if we’re in a super committed relationship and we’re prob gonna get married i might get a tattoo of something that reminds me of you.35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?: yes i want that. it’s ideal but not necessary.36: Are you still a virgin?: yes37: What's more important: Looks or personality?: PERSONALITY looks do count for a little but if i dont like you I'm not gonna like you.38: Do you enjoy love films?: yes but also no. sometimes they make me really uncomfy. especially if they’re het >_> but sometimes they dont!!39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?: no ;_;40: Have you ever had a valentine?: n o  ‘ u ‘41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?: idk i would just like to spend time around them. i love the beach and amusement parks but tbh i would only have fun depending on the person I'm with. if they get motion sick i would be incredibly anxious at the park the entire time, and if they can't collect shells or swim or enjoy the beach i would feel bad.42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?: yup i dont like it that much sorry ;_;43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?: um?? both?? i’ll prob wanna be around my partner more but i love my friends and i would never loose them because I'm in a relationship.44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?: yes? i like all the cutesy romantic stuff ^u^45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?: yes?? maybe?? i dont like thinking about it rn.46: Have you ever been "friend zoned"?: PFF OMG idk maybe?? but tbh i dont give a shit if i wanna date you i prob wanna be your friend just as bad.47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?: i dont have one48: What's your favorite love song?: XDDD um,,,, maybe girls like girls, idk i can't remember49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?: possibly... I'm sorry dude. if thats the case.50: If you're single, why do you think you are?: because I'm gross ‘o’ also i’m not good at talking I'm very quiet. and i hurt myself, and complain all the time, I'm just not good \ ‘_’ /51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?: HAHA U SLIPPED UP i have to pick the asshole because i dont date guys rip >_>52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?: nope i dont know what it’s like.53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?: haha maybe a little. especially around this season.54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?: idk?? is it really that important?? i mean imma do it but I'm also gonna tell my fam and friends in person prob.55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?: yes, clingy maybe no possibly??? but the other things yea. i dont wanna let my anyone know that tho so usually i just deal with it myself.56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?: nope57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?: mm yea. if ur gonna kill yourself do it for you. not because of someone else.58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?: submissive I'm p sure. but tbh i have no clue.59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?: prob ^^;; I'm super forgetful but i’ll try my best to remember ;_;61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?: both?? why would this have to be a choice??? my sisters and brothers are chill if they tell me something’s bad i’ll consider it, but tbh its my choice.62: How do you define "cheating"?: acting in a romantic or sexual way with someone else without my knowledge or consent, especially if you try to keep it a secret from me. if it’s an accident somehow i won't like fight you i’ll give you another chance but remind you it really hurts me and if you do it again it might not be great for my outlook on you.63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?: idk you do you. why would this matter?? if you for reasons i find hard to understand sadly enjoy porn why should i stop you?? it’s like me enjoying anime or video games. dont force me to watch with you and i dont care, it’s something they enjoy why make them stop?64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?: yes and no! i think it’s cute that there’s a day we share chocolates and presents with the person we love!! but tbh i also think it’s super capitalized and if we dont wanna spend on overpriced chocolates n stuff why dont we have valentines day on our own time?65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?: YES like tbh i know I'm a cuddler. i just really like being comfy next to someone idk it feels good and is hard to describe. 

[the-origin-story]

Origin Story Character Text Posts +Cyra, Jean and Kira and The Squad

Kira: Someone: *tries to guilt trip me* Me: the jokes on you!! i feel guilty 97% of the time for Everything I Do!, if i didn't have have depression no one could fucking stop me. i only have depression because otherwise im too powerful., please don't flirt with people i secretly like it's rude and disrespectful, i have three moods: fuck off, fuck you, fuck me., im cute and small and ready to brawl, "talk about" hahah, no no, i prefer to internalize all my problems so they eat away at me from inside until im unable to function in any way, no offense @life but can a have a breather...a break...some slack..., yea boys are cute but they disgust me and constantly disappoint me, she's beauty, she's grace, she'll punch you in the face, 5'2 but my attitude 6'2, "If I don't have calves of steel or abs of iron by the end of this trip, I'm going to feel so cheated.", "No offense, but I just can't process the fact that someone might actually care about me.", night time would be so beautiful and fun if all men had a curfew. me?? using sarcasm as a defense mechanism???????? what?????, When a girl says she has experimented with girls, that does not necessarily mean she's bi. She may just be an evil scientist., the bible said adam AND eve so i slept with them both, list of people i'm going to fight: everyone. put your fists up i'm coming for you, stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical

Jean: i don't have a nervous system. i am a nervous system., pick your battles. pick...fewer battles than that. put some battles back. that's too many., Wakey wakey eggs and social anxiety, enough about sex positions has anyone discovered a reading position which doesn't get uncomfortable after 5 minutes, i'm actually pretty cool just me like 5 tries to get it right, i love freckles theyre skin stars, never underestimate my ability to find shit out, "I don't feel that sore right now, but ask me again tomorrow and I'm sure I'll have a more colorful answer for you.", my life is constantly an inner monologue of "why do i do this to myself", 90% of my day is me being nervous., every friend group has the mom friend, if you don't who it is you're it.

Cypress: biology more like BYEology because I'm out, Highest form of art: girls, i don't want to look "pretty" i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening, things that make every video game better: give me nice outfits to wear, let me be gay, give me a pet, yoU THINK YOU'RE REAL CUTE, DON'T YOU???? REAL FUCKING CUTE RIGHT???? i think so to, "Your aim's a little off - now look at that. You just smushed the ant. Now it can't crawl anymore.", appreciation post for broccoli, thanks for being so tasty you tiny trees, there are people out there that are the embodiment of the sun like the things they say and do light up the world and make you feel warm they are human sunshine, I slept for 8 hours straight and then 2 hours gay, fuck dating girls who are "naturally pretty". date girls who are supernaturally pretty. date a hot ass ghost. date a fucking alien., Current mood: wanting to have a hooded cloak and to be in misty forest., You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?, "guys prefer-" that's nice i don't care, how to look cute but like you could kill someone

Liam: ive been annoyed ever since i was born, members of my squad: me, I may seem like an asshole but deep down im a good person and even deeper down im a bigger asshole, I came out to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now, me, introducing myself: it is i, your local asshole, my kink is when everyone shuts the fuck up, *at a job interview* Oh yes, my criminal record? The only illegal thing I've done in absolutely KILLIN it on the dancefloor. Haha, just kidding! I have killed a man., The worst part about kissing a perfect ten is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror., i don't want a friend w/ benefits i just want the benefits keep your friendship away from me, Ur what we call in the scientific community a "lil bitch", have u ever met the human version of a headache, *barges out of coffin at funeral yelling sike*, i'm permanently emotionally damaged, but its chill, I'm chill, no addressing our problems we downward spiral like men, I'm wasting my youth and beauty being a mysterious eccentric loner and I wouldn't have it any other way, im alive out of spite

Beckett: world's okayest friend, Do you ever look at someone and you're like how, "What are you twelve" Yeah on a scale of one to ten bye, having 3 friends is a lot of work, "Yeah I'm going chug four servings of this entire energy drink so I can crash later and actually get some sleep.", when you see a person smile and it's like...holy shit...what is this magic...please do that again, Stop taking advantage of people with good hearts & who are emotionally vulnerable, "you're so sweet!" thank you i have abandonment issues, IF YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO KISSES A GIRL ON THE TOP OF THE HEAD WHEN HUG THEM THEN YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT MY FRIEND, beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure, why is everyone so mean. How aren't you tired

Cyra: When a grumbly grump who hates everyone and sees the world as dark and cold and unforgiving loves a sunshiney optimist. When a sunshiney optimist who sees the best in everyone thinks the grumbly grump is the best thing out of the whole beautiful world., do you like sleeping because so do i we should do it together sometime, love yourself so we can have something in common, how many eye contact until date, beING SUPER IN LOVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS BUT IN A FRIEND WAY but also a little bit in a gay way but also in a friEND WAY, anyone have that friend that you REALLY wanna fuck but you're never gonna say anything about it, listen i didn't come here to ship it lightly ok i came here for it to consume my soul, you could take me on a date anywhere and i'd be happy. like it could be the movie theater, or watching a movie at your house. fuck you could take me outside and we could look at clouds and climb trees i do not care as long as we hold hands or something at some point., my mom thought otp meant "oh, the pain." what's the difference., My way of flirting is looking at the person I'm attracted to and hoping they're braver than I am., i;m feeling...what's the word...........gay, I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH MY OWN MOUTH Softly Because I like you

Jean and Kira: i would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining, does anybody else have that friend that your pretty sure is your soulmate but in a friend way, friend(jean): fuck off stop punching me me(kira): it's called platonic bdsm, when ur best friend says something weird and ur just like...I love you but what have I gotten myself into with this friendship, do you ever look at your best friend and just "who the hell blessed me with this dork, i am the luckiest loser in the galaxy."

The Squad: "what are the chances of EVERYONE in a friend group being queer" do you realize that we all tend to flock together like penguins huddling for warmth in a cold heteronormative, world right