#the funniest thing is that he has so many uncles that you wouldn’t know which one this is about

[undertheredhood]

jin ling: *just became a sect leader and is ready to do sect leader things*

random cultivators: hey, is your uncle single?

jin ling: what if i was suicidal? what if that was my last straw?

[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[emilysshortstories]

Steven Meeks Part 2

Still haven’t thought of a title but I’m liking this story so lets just roll with it. Also if someone could teach me how to put in a continue reading thing I would love you.

Words: 1607

Warnings: a bit of a love triangle? clique plot points?

My alarm clock blaring through my ears abruptly woke me up. 6:oo AM it read for I had to get ready early and stop by all my teachers' classrooms before classes actually started. They had to give me my course work for the week and I had to complete daily assignments and turn them in at the end of the day. I had the same deadlines as anyone else, just got my course work early. My old highschool was a similar format so I was used to this, just not used to waking up so goddamn early. At least this is only on Monday’s. I had United States History, Earth Science, Trigonometry, and Latin to get to before 8 o’clock. My uncle said he will explain everything to me in his classroom at 2, so I didn’t have to worry about english at least. 

Now I see why everyone that gets through this school is a fucking genuious. I have not one but two history textbooks, I have to read a chapter a day in one of them and the other I have to read and complete all the questions for a chapter every other day. I have to do a chapter, with questions, everyday in Earth science. For Trig I read a chapter Monday and Wednesday, complete a sheet of 25 questions Tuesday and Thursday, and then have a test every Friday. I was given 30 words to memorize by Friday for Latin. Yes, I’ll have a test in latin every Friday as well. At least I know my uncle isn’t a sadist and won’t give me or his students an excessive amount of work. 

I carried all four of my textbooks and school work outside with a large towel. I figured if I don’t have to be stuck in a classroom and can complete my course work on my own time, might as well make the most of it and do it in the sun away from everyone. I have 4 hours before I have to be at my uncle's classroom, so let's see how much of this crap I can get done. 

I was done with history and just started the questions for Earth Science when I heard the school bell, signaling the 15 minute passing period. Not thinking anything of it I continued my work, that is until the sun was suddenly hidden from me. “Hey Charlie, what’s going on?” I asked, looking around to see 6 other boys behind him, including ‘Steven the red head’. My smile grew as we made eye contact. “I was about to ask the same thing, what you working on?” Charlie asked me, crouching down to sit next to me with the rest of his pose following suit. “Earth science, I got all my coursework for the week this morning so I’m just going through what’s due at the end of the day”. “Sounds boring to me, but if you ever need help, meeks is the genius of this school”. Charlie said as he pointed to Steven. “I thought your name was Steven?” I asked, turning to face him. 

“What?” he said, sounding surprised at something. 

“I thought your name was Steven, at least that’s what your father called you when we first met”

“You remember that?” 

“Of course I do, so why Meeks?”

“It’s his last name” - “It’s my last name” both Charlie and Meeks said at the same time, which made me laugh a bit. 

“What do you personally prefer though?” I asked.

“Meeks.” He said very abruptly compared to his previous tone. 

“Okay, Meeks it is then, although I don’t make any promises to not call you Stevie when I’m teasing you.” I say trying to lighten the mood, everyone was just too quiet. “So you going to introduce me to the rest of your boy band Charlie?”

“Sure. This is Knox Overstreet, Todd Anderson, Neil Perry, Gerald Pitts, and Richard Cameron.” This made me burst out in laughter, “Your name is Dick Cam??” I asked, this being the funniest thing I’ve heard all week, but the question made everyone start to giggle as well. Everyone but Cameron of course, who just turned as red as his hair and walked away. “Oh I’m just teasing!” I yelled as he walked, “Sorry!!” I yelled louder, hoping he heard me. “I didn’t mean to offend, I'm sorry” I say to Charlie, actually feeling quite bad. “No! That was the best thing I’ve heard in my life, how did we not notice that?” Charlie asked the boys, but no one replied, they just kept laughing. Everyone but Meeks, who was looking down at the ground and playing with a corner of my towel.

“Is my towel more interesting than my joke there Stevie?” I ask and shuffle a little closer to him while the other boys separate into their own conversation. Good.

“N-no, I was laughing I promise-”

“I’m just messing with you- Stevie” 

“Right” said with a sigh and a long pause. “Charlie was right though, you can always ask for help if you need it, even if I can’t help you I’ll point you to someone who can.” he said so fast I barely understood. 

“Thank you , I really appreciate that.” I smiled at him, hoping that would calm his nerves. “You guys don’t really see a lot of girls going to a school like this do you?”

“No, not at all.”

“Well I come in peace I promise. Even if my jokes can seem a bit pointed at times.”

We both looked up at each other and held eye contact, much like the moment we first met. Yet this time it was deeper, like we understood what we were trying to say to another without having to come out and say it. I hoped he could see how much I liked him and would do something about it, but our moment was rudely interrupted by the school bell. 

“Alright, time to go back to prison.” Charlie said, standing up, the boys following suit once again. Every boy but Meeks. “I-I-I’ll see you around Y/N” he said. “What time do you have English?” I asked a little too suddenly. “We all have it at 2” Charlie answered for him, ‘goddamnit let him answer his own questions man.’ “Great, my uncle told me to stop by his classroom at that time, so I’ll see you then” I said with a smile, only looking at Meeks, hoping to not only make eye contact again but also get Charlie to get the hint. “Bye” Meeks said to me. “Bye”.

It’s hard to focus on Earth Science after that, but I tried my best and actually finished all my questions and my trig chapter by the time 1:45 rolled around. Getting up, gathering up all my stuff, and heading to his class. I had my paperwork in my hands underneath the textbooks, with the towel draped on top, slightly obstructing my vision. “Fuck” I said as I reached the english building doors. Going outside was easy when all I had to do to open the doors was lean against them, but now that I was faced with a handle bar I had to pull. This was proving to be a lot more difficult than I had initially anticipated. Trying to balance everything into my left arm, I reached out my fingers to grasp the door, too scared to move my whole arm, and moving my towel into my chest with my chin so I can see what I’m doing. Even that didn’t work unfortunately as my towel fell to the ground. Closing my eyes and heaving a deep sigh, only to open them and see Meeks picking up my towel. “Thank you” I said thinking he was going to put the towel back on the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but started to blush when he draped it over his own shoulders and opened the door for me. I walked through the door- “Here” Meeks said from my left before taking two of my three textbooks out of my hands. “Thank you, that’s really sweet of you” I said, impressed with how kind he was. “No problem, I can help you take these to your room before two is you need?” he asked, now being able to look me in my face without books in the way. “Thanks, yeah it's just right in here through Mike’s office.” I said, leading the way, hearing Meeks chuckle behind me. “What?” I asked, turning around. “Nothing, just I’ve never heard anyone call Mr. Keating ‘Mike’ before”. “Oh, sorry about that, to me he will always be uncle Mike”. “That’s okay, I liked it”.

We walked in silence to my room where Meeks set my books down on my desk. “We should get to class, I have no idea what my uncle has planned” I said. “Okay”. ‘Not a man of many words, endearing.’

“All of you know my niece, Y/N. Mr. Nolan said that she wouldn’t be attending any classes but seeming that I plan to listen to opinions and presentations, so giving her a bunch of paperwork really wouldn’t be the best idea. So she will be joining this class, any questions? No, okay good now let's go.” My uncle preached before just waltzing out of the classroom. I knew he wanted me to follow him but the others who didn’t know how my uncle can be just seemed confused. So I said “That means he wants us to follow him” and I walked out of the classroom on the same path as my, sometimes strange, uncle Mike. 

[touchstarvedsam]

I was really gonna ignore that "superior"natural thing but I saw that they seem to have some talented artists. So I thought maybe they are doing something interesting (even if it's destiel) so I checked out their Google doc and omg I'm HOWLING! Eileen calls Sam moosie, Cas calls Dean squirrel. Dean calls Cas kitten, Sam calls Eileen otter. They say it's just a incollection of ideas that might not make it into the project, but you get a sense of what you're dealing with there. And this is from1/?

A brief perusal to see how much attention Sam gets compared to Dean & Cas (a word search gave 27/87/100 results for each respectively, so not too much attention to Sam. But sure, Sam is the favorite character of some of their writers). I'm sure a deeper reading will unearth more (like, Dean saying you are home to Cas, who says we're not at the bunker, Dean replies but you are home. That sounds like something Dean would say. And Dean wishes a tulpa into existence 'cause he misses Cas too much)2/?

They say they want to eliminate plot holes but it seems what's a plot hole depends on whether it serves their ship: purgatory stays (we know they love that arc) even if it makes no sense for Crowley and Cas to go through that much in S6 when apparently there are many ways in and out. Cas, the guy who failed at almost everything he's done, is a "master strategist". Every other retcon of later seasons stays as long as it serves ship purposes. Sam gets his fair share of attention but Dean is the3/?

One who teaches Cas about being human including the textures of food (Sam and Cas pbj moment erasure) and Cas should be the one to teach Jack about his powers (no mention of Sam and Jack's relationship). Other ooc things: Cas rides a bike and when Dean asks says it reminds him of flying. After Cain, Dean takes Cas to the farm for bees (?). Cas and Dean snuggle. Knowing Cas is alive gives demon Dean strength to fight to be cured? Dean speaks enochian to Cas. Cas making a mixtape for Dean. 4/?

Cas being in regarding Dean. "Baby jack walking around in cas’s trench coat going “I’m an angel”." Home alone type ep with Jack. Dean kissing cas's forehead when he's dead in 13.01. Crowley is Jack's godfather and gets him a hellhound pet. Sam has a pet fish? Dean sings you're my sunshine to Cas as he sleeps. "Uncle Gabe". Apparently John dropped Sam and Dean off at Bobby's all the time? I don't think this is canon? Keep 15.18 but change 19&20 (of course). There's no drama or angst like 5/?

Kevin's death or Crowley's death or anything that might add tension to the story. Unless of course it serves the ship so plenty of trauma for Cas including darkness (from the empty) and sharp objects (from Naomi). A small mention of Sam's trauma with Lucifer, thank God, but it's interesting that they have so little Sam. They can say they'll flesh out more arcs for Sam but it's clear he's not a priority from how he's not present where he should be. For example, Dean will explain everything 6/?

To Mary and break her out of her brainwashing. But where's Sam? She's his mother too. Other than Eileen Sam's most meaningful relationship seems to be with his pet fish (still confused about that). Even if this project gets better in the future, which I doubt, it's clear what the direction here is. It baffles me that they think this is superior to the show we have, as problematic as the show is. I wish them best of luck but I don't have any high hopes for this. Thanks for the laughs though. 7/7

Sorry for that long ass rant in your inbox. It's in the middle of the night but I'm cackling after reading their doc and I had to share it with someone. I thought you might find it amusing as well. Hopefully all my asks go through. On the one hand, I feel bad hating on a fan project. But the way they've positioned it ("superior"), the blatant disrespect to Sam, and all the shit their side has pulled since the finale (and long before that) has really irked me. Again, sorry.

I just- this whole thing was a whirlwind of nonsense, it took me a whole week to process it. I don’t even know where to start here, or if I want to just yeet my laptop out my bedroom window into the snow. They really consider their ideas superior to the original show? More like Inferiornatural, to be honest. Superinferiornatural? They can’t even seem to characterize them correctly, let alone come up with a decent plotline or idea.

So we’ll start with the nicknames, since that is where you started. The whole thing is painfully out of character, but the worst (and funniest) of them all is Dean calling Cas “kitten,” I might actually laugh myself into an early grave with that one. Dean gives nicknames to shorten people’s names (besides Sam; Sammy is the only person who gets an extended nickname). He’s not going to give someone a longer nickname than the original nickname he uses for them! And Cas wouldn’t actually give nicknames, especially not giving Dean the nickname Crowley gave him??? Otter?! Moosie?!  W H A T. Can we move on from grade school kiddie crush nicknames?

I’m currently manifesting Dean saying “kitten” in his gruff voice with that lip curl he does sometimes and I’m cracking up about it. Thanks for the amusement, heIIers.

Of course Sam would only be mentioned 27 times to Cas’ 100 because Sam means nothing to them. He’s only ever either been in their way or a cheerleader for that horribly characterized ship of theirs. I just love how, in order to make DestieI, they have to butcher the characters so irreparably that they’re unrecognizable. Good for them, they can’t even have fanfiction of their ship where the characters keep their canon personalities. 10/10 would laugh at again.

I love the Sam erasure. It’s true to the heIIers’ character at least. They’re a one-trick pony. I’m so used to it by now that I’m totally desensitized to their bullshit. But Dean speaking Enochian? What? When and how did he learn that? I can’t see Dean in his 30s sitting there willingly to learn the language of the angels. Not even if his “kitten” is the one to teach him. Dean doesn’t give a fuck about that. If any of them is going to learn Enochian, it’ll be Sam, and they can fight me on that. I will kick anyone’s ass that argues.

I hope the mixtape Cas makes for Dean is just 4 hours of that Spaghetti song by The Wiggles because Cas sucks at doing human things.

I’d love to see the Sam erasure in the Regarding Dean one. Just swap Sam out for Cas? So Cas is the only one Dean recognizes? Hmm. Where would Sam go? A smoothie place? Yeah, as if Dean would remember the angel who he’d barely known for 8 years at that time over Sam who he’d known since he was 4 years old, lol. Sure, Jan.

The entire 5th ask is WILD, nonnie. A pet fish? Dean singing you are my sunshine? Dean kissing Cas’ forehead? LMFAO. Crowley is Jack’s godfather. The KING OF HELL is Jack’s GODfather. I’m- hgfjdksl I’m sure Dean who was ripped apart by hellhounds would love for Jack to have a pet hellhound. Yeah. Absolutely. “Uncle Gabe” yeah, fuck that guy in particular. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t erased Eileen to make SabrieI endgame in their fic. SabrieI is the Sam version of DestieI. It’s just as nasty and abusive :) which was why the heIIers ship it. They’re into abuse. It’s their shtick.

I do wonder what the point of the fish is... Sam has always loved and wanted a dog... you’d think they’d give Sam a dog... but I forgot they don’t pay attention to the show unless the episode has Mushy in the credits. I literally saw a heIIer say they skipped episodes if Mushy wasn’t in the credits... so they don’t know how to characterize Sam or Dean, but from this message they don’t even know how to characterize Cas who seems to be their precious uwu baby angel so I’m not surprised. I can’t wait for them to start releasing this shitshow. It makes for good fodder to make fun of them all over again. They really watched a grand total of 146 out of 327 episodes and thought, “Yeah, my opinion about the show definitely matters,” and I think that’s fucking hilarious.

Sorry for taking so long to respond! Hope I did a good job, nonnie. <3

[f0rever15elf]

A First Time for Everything

Pairing: Marcus Pike x gn!reader Word count: 1,565 Rating: G Ratings: None, just some super soft and awkward Marcus Summary: A visit to Marcus’ parents reveals an interesting fact about Marcus. 

A/N: This little oneshot/drabble is inspired by this post from @mrpascals​. I would like to thank my lovely beta reader @yespolkadotkitty​ for reviewing this for me. Go check her out if you have time, her work is amazing. First attempt at a gender neutral reader! 

Masterlist  |  Ao3

"Babe! C'mon, we're going to be late for our flight!" You flip through the papers in your hands, making sure that all tickets were accounted for. "Your mom will never let us hear the end of it if we're late!" You loved Mrs. Pike, you really did, but that woman could put the fear of every god in existence into you. 

"Coming, coming!" Marcus stumbles his way down the stairs, hair a mess, drawing a giggle from your lips. 

"How you make it anywhere on time is still a mystery to me." 

Marcus just grins, leaning in to peck your cheek before grabbing the keys and one of the carry-ons. "It's all organized chaos, I promise. Everything has a plan." His wink makes your heart flutter the same as it did the day you first laid eyes on him. 

"Well, Mr. Organized Chaos, we're gonna be late if you don't get your happy butt out in that taxi." You pat his backside and a gentle blush rises in his cheeks as he makes his way out the door, waiting for you before locking up. 

The flight to your in-law's house was uneventful, for which you were thankful. Flights never sat well with you, and even with Marcus there, rubbing soothing circles across your knuckles, you couldn't help the anxiety that bubbled up as soon as the wheels lifted off the runway. 

The sight of Marcus' parents waiting for you at the exit to the security checkpoint helps to soothe that last bit of anxiety that Marcus' comforting words weren't able to fully quell. 

"Hello, you lovebirds!" Mama Pike cries as she grabs you both, pulling you into one of her trademark hugs, something that Marcus definitely inherited from her. You return the lovely woman's hug before turning to your father-in-law, embracing him gently. 

As you pull away, he rests a strong hand on your shoulder. "We've been so excited, just waiting for you to get here! I've hardly slept the past few days!" Mama Pike laughs, wrapping her arms around one of Marcus'. "We couldn't wait for you to arrive. How was your flight? Was everything good? What have you two been up to lately?" 

"Now Mother, these two kids just got off the plane, give them a moment to collect themselves." Mr. Pike smiles endearingly at his wife, who sputters out an apology as she blushes. "We got a room all set up for you two kids. Marcus' old room." Marcus' eyes go wide as he stares at his dad. 

"M-My room? N-not the g-guest room?" His nervous stutter is always so endearing. 

"We’ve turned the guest room into a quilting room," Mama Pike pipes up. 

"Looks like a craft store exploded in there," her husband quips back, grinning as his wife smacks his arm. 

"Thank you both so much for setting everything up for us. It's very kind of you both." You smile up at Mr. Pike as he affectionately squeezes your shoulder before you look at Mama Pike with the same affectionate gaze. 

"My dear, it was no problem at all! We're so happy to have you both home!" She reaches over to pat your cheek affectionately. 

"Mama Pike, you're the sweetest woman alive." 

And so the pleasant conversation continues as the four of you make your way home, Marcus blushing at the suggestive comments from your mother-in-law that had you bursting at the seams.  "And that reminds me of that time we were visiting his Uncle Eddie at the lake when he was four!" 

"Oooookay mom that's enough! We're both really tired from the flight, so we're going to go and rest, okay?" Marcus squeezes your hand as he tries desperately to end story time with his mom.  The higher than normal pitch in his voice causes you to giggle softly. Embarrassed chocolate eyes look your way before he looks to his dad, pleading silently.  

"We should let the love birds rest, Mother." Mr. Pike drapes his arm over his wife's shoulder and she looks up at him, confused as he starts to lead her away, Marcus doing the same to you. 

"Don't forget to ask me about when he was four!" Mama Pike calls back over her shoulder and you laugh, nodding as Marcus pulls you into his room, shutting the door behind you both. Once the two of you are safely behind the closed door, granting you a little bit of privacy, Marcus pulls you up against him and drops his head to the juncture connecting your neck and shoulder with a groan. You wrap your arms around him, holding him close to you as your fingers rub soothing lines over his back. 

"I absolutely adore your parents, Marcus. Your mother is the funniest woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." 

He chuckles against your neck before leaving a gentle kiss, raising his head to smile down at you with those gentle brown eyes that you love so much. “She's crazy. Absolutely crazy." 

"Well, yes, but that's why I love her!" You grin, tilting your head up to kiss him gently before pulling back. You cup his cheek with a smile, letting your fingers linger on his skin as you move past to go put your clothes away. The bed squeaks behind you and you turn to see Marcus taking a seat on his bed, leaning back against the wall as he watches you. 

"You know..." he starts off, and you can hear the hesitation in his voice. "I've never had anyone in my room like this before..." 

You close the dresser and turn around, resting your hands on your hips. "What, like, someone you were dating? Really?" He shakes his head and you scoff, making your way over to the bed. "I find that incredibly hard to believe, babe." He reaches out, grabbing your hips to pull you on to the bed with him, and you straddle him, sitting in his lap with your legs around his waist. Your hands rest on his chest and you relish in the feeling of his heartbeat under your palm. 

"I'm serious. I wasn't really popular in highschool. Not many friends, and definitely no significant others." His thumbs rub along your hips, a pout growing on his lips. You purse your lips in thought, head tilted as he watches you with that rich, loving gaze. 

"I think I would have liked to know high school Marcus. I'm sure you were the most adorable high schooler." The tips of his ears turn pink and he shakes his head vehemently. 

"You wouldn't have given me even a passing glance if you had known me then. I was one of those kids who just sorta faded into the wall." 

You feel your heart clench at how...downtrodden he sounds. This certainly wouldn't do. A thought crosses your mind, and a devious smile splits your lips. "Well...then I guess you've never had a secret makeout session in your bedroom before, hm?" 

Marcus' eyebrows shoot up and his cheeks flush as he tries to stammer out an answer.  "N-No I can't s-say that I h-have." He stutters whenever he gets really flustered and it never ceases to make your heart flutter. It’s always the most adorable thing you’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing and it only works to widen your smile. 

"I can fix that." Cupping his cheeks gently, you bring your lips to his in a gentle kiss. His hands still on your hips as his eyes slip closed, leaning into the kiss. It starts off gentle, nervous as you let Marcus lead the kiss. You drop your hands from his face, electing to drape your arms around his neck, tilting your head to deepen the kiss as your lips move languidly against his. It never ceased to amaze you just how soft his lips were, and you continuously found yourself getting lost in his kisses. Cautiously, he nibbles at your bottom lip and you sigh, opening your lips to him, a delicate moan bubbling in your throat as he licks into your mouth. His hands move to your back as he holds you closer to him, pressing your body against his own as he tries to get as close to you as humanly possible. Your hands thread themselves into his hair, tugging gently and he groans against you before pulling back, shoulders rising and falling with deep breaths. The flush that paints his cheeks brings a heat to your own as you let go of his hair to trace your fingers lightly over his jaw. 

"There's a first time for everything, I guess," he murmurs breathlessly, looking up at you with shining eyes and that gentle smile that is so uniquely Marcus. You can't help yourself as you lean back in, pressing your lips back to his in a hungry kiss, relishing in the moan you succeed in drawing from him. 

"I love you so damn much," you whisper between kisses and his grip tightens around you as he shifts, laying you down on the bed. 

He smiles down at you, bringing his own hand to cup your face as he stares down at you adoringly.  "I love you too." And so the talking ends as the two of you drink each other in, making ample use of your 'time to rest.' 

You would need to remember to thank Mr. Pike.

~~~ My tag list is open! Requests are open!

[letsperaltiago]

a merry little christmas

Welcome to (once again belated) door four of four! 

Behind my Christmas calendar’s fourth door is a... baby’s first christmas, pure fluff oneshot ♥️ 

Summary: It's Baby's First Christmas and Jake and Amy are taking it all in - both presents and tiny surprises from their son. Pure domestic fluff for days.

Rating: G

Words: 2.2k

Read on AO3 here

Right then and there keeping a straight face, or just anything that looks somewhat close to it, is beyond impossible.

It’s Christmas morning, six AM to be more precise, and the still rather new, little family of three is slowly making their way through the presents waiting for them under this years’ Christmas tree. As a matter of fact, it’s rather Jake opening gifts meanwhile Amy is on the couch with their two-month-old son eating his second breakfast - that is if his previous meal at three AM can be considered breakfast. Jake likes to call those meals Midnight Mac Snacks.

“They really need to communicate more,” Amy chuckles, which causes her chest to jolt just the tiniest bit, alas apparently enough that it earns her a grumpy little cry from Mac to which she immediately reacts by stroking and repositioning the tiny infant’s head. “No need to complain, Mr. Mac. Mommy and daddy are just having some fun.”

“He’s bitter because all he got for Christmas is ‘Baby’s first Christmas’-ornaments.” Jake hasn’t stopped laughing since he opened the third ornament, from auntie Roro, which came after uncle Charles’ ornament. Upon unpacking this second ornament, from Charles, matching the first ornament from Holt, it didn’t cause much worry. The new parents simply saw it as a matching coincidence and they’d just keep both. Although upon unpacking a third one, they should’ve known: it was a perfect, hilarious 99th precinct-disaster.

Fast forward to present time, Jake is sat on the living room floor with not three but six ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ ornaments for his son. Sure, they’re all different styles and designs but Jake can’t help but laugh. In retrospect, he and Amy had told the squad that baby Mac didn’t need anything grand for Christmas as he was still so small and had everything he needed so far. They told their friends to save the money and spoil Mac for next Christmas, a Christmas he’d understand much better than the current. Turns out great minds think alike and everyone’s creative take on Mac’s gift had been the same.

“It’s kind of cute that they all had the same idea.” Mac has gone back to quietly suckling on Amy’s breast, allowing her time to chime in on perhaps this Christmas’ funniest moment yet. It’s too soon to declare it the funniest as they’re headed to a huge Santiago Christmas-dinner in the evening and anything can happen there.

For Christmas morning though they very early on, already before Amy gave birth, decided to stay home as they knew it’s what they’d prefer with their very new son. Sitting there, in the moment, looking at gifts from their incredible friends and Mac quietly eating in the lights coming from the Christmas tree, they’re both thankful to have made that choice. Sure, Santiago-Christmas morning was an event that you didn’t want to miss out on but this year, with very few hours of sleep behind them and vomit on both clothes and hair, it’s nice to be able to soak in the sweet surrender of their little trinity.

“We do have the best friends.” He picks up the ornaments, hanging them on his fingers to put on display for his wife. “What do we do with these?” A sheepish smile replaces the goofy grin from before.

“I don’t know…”

The doubt on Amy’s face, biting her lip, thinking hard, is clear as day which is understandable since Jake himself doesn’t hold the answer for their little dilemma. Giving them back to their respective giver is not an option - what would Holt do with a ‘Baby’s First Christmas Ornament’? -  and getting a refund also seems too cold. Fact is that each of their friends has had the same idea: they wanted to mark and somehow be a part of Mac’s first Christmas. Jake and Amy can’t, nor want to, take that away from their son nor their friends. All in all, there seems to be no good solution but one: keep all six ornaments.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Jake cocks an eyebrow, implicitly suggesting what his wife is already thinking.

“If you’re thinking that we should keep them all and put them on the tree, then yes, I am thinking what you’re thinking.”

At just the right time, almost as if he’s agreeing, Mac lets go of his mom’s nipple before letting out a small, hazy gurgling sound. A sound he’s never made before. Both parents freeze on the spot, forgetting all and everything about the ornament-issue.

“Did you hear that?” Amy asks, making it sound as if she doesn’t believe her ears and a second opinion is needed. Having studied all and everything for her first child’s arrival, everything this could possibly imply, Amy shouldn’t be surprised that her two-month-old is finally introducing his first small noises. The fact resides very clearly on the Milestones to Expect-index, page 2, in her ‘Two month’-binder. Yet here she is, Jake right there with her, surprised by this new accomplishment of her newborn - one of many accomplishments that she both loves and, even two months in, still is a bit nervous about discovering as she just rather know her baby fully by heart already. On those occasions where Mac’s changing, something she swears happens daily, makes her feel uneasy as if she doesn’t know him at all, she holds onto Jake’s reasoning: Some tests can’t be studied for.

And no matter how much she hates that fact, Amy knows her husband is right and she does love him for reminding her whenever she happens to fall down a spiral of doubt and frantically tries to grasp for the control that lies within facts, books, and lists.

Jake jumps from his spot on the floor as if it were lava and falls into place beside her on the couch where he can hover over his incredible son.

“I did but I didn’t fully realize where it came from right away, but oh my gosh, Ames! Our son is a genius!”

“Perhaps… Or simply in accordance with average-”

“No, Amy - a genius! Like his parents.”

Her husband looking as if he could burst any second, a firecracker of sorts and there’s no stopping the explosion, Amy hurries to put down her before lifted shirt and places Mac against her shoulder. Here she hopes he can both burp and, hopefully, make another glorious sound for them to be proud of. Jake leans in as though he and Mac are to exchange secrets behind Amy’s back and the milk-drunk infant, unable to control a whole lot, waves around his arm and just so happens to grab Jake’s index finger. During these first two months of Mac’s life, this has happened a few times already, the first time being at the hospital which caused Jake to cry happy tears Still, every single time, Jake feels reaffirmed by the fact that creating this tiny human being is one of his best decisions ever - that and telling Amy Santiago that he wished something could happen between them - romantic stylez.

“C’mon, mister. Show daddy how you talk.” Jake coos even though the little man of the moment seems far from interested in or bothered by his parents’ admiration and swooning over his new talent. His mommy patting his back does feel good though, especially when it helps a burp escape and Jake, of course, has to laugh because Mac is truly and fiercely his son. “Now that’s talking!”

“Not what I had in mind but nice to know he’s burped.” Amy chimes in and replaces the soft patting with small loving strokes, hoping to soothe her boy to sleep as the next step in his ‘eat, burp, sleep’-routine - even if Amy wishes Mac would make another sound. Just to confirm that she wasn’t hallucinating before.

“Make a sound for mommy, baby. Just a tiny one.” Amy takes her turn cooing a plea but it happens to be very much in vain.

“Aaand he’s dozed off,” Jake chuckles quietly whilst using his thumb to caress the tiny fist still wrapped around his index fingers, a fist that doesn’t let go even though the owner is already fast asleep with a mix of drool and milk caught in the corner of the gaping mouth.

“That was fast.”

“I don’t blame him. Life is exhausting.” Jake is carefully pecking his son’s head covered by thing, soft, black hair and even though Mac on her shoulder blocks the view, Amy smiles and wonders how she got to lucky with these two boys.

“Bedtime?” Amy asks, expectant of confirmation of whether or not Mac is far enough gone to be moved without waking up and throwing a tantrum that’ll mean they’ll have to spend another half hour or so lulling him back to sleep.

“I sure wouldn’t mind. I did prepare breakfast though.” It comes out mid-yawn, proving Jake’s point further, as he nods his head in the direction of the pancakes, courtesy of Jake, and hot cocoa, courtesy of the local bakery that has blessed their lives by opening at five AM, waiting for them in the kitchen.

“Not you, silly. McClane. You and I are definitely having that delicious cocoa. The smell of it has been tempting me since I sat down to feed.”

They mostly call him Mac. Mac or a thousand other things like Mr. Mac, Magic Mac, baby, monkey - one time, macadamia nut - and the options are limitless and renewed every day. Jake doesn’t know for sure but this might be the reason why the full name McClane being said, the context being that it’s his son’s name, makes him feel butterflies in his belly.  Either that or because he still can’t believe they named their son that. Perhaps it’s a bit of both reasons.

“Still can’t believe you agreed to that name.”

“Must’ve been a moment of weakness for me. I was pregnant and delusional.”

Amy teases and proceeds to carefully remove sleeping Mac from his spot on her shoulder, relocating him to the safety of her cradling arms.

“Delusional from the incredible round of sexy timez we had just prior to picking his name.”

“Jake,” she scolds as if the sleeping baby, which doesn’t even grasp the concept of speaking yet, were to be scarred by their explicit flirting.

“What?”

Amy’s already up on her feet, heads down the hall and into their bedroom with Jake close on her heels.  “I remember it so vividly.” Jake points to their bed. “We were right here, post incredible sex, and we got talking about baby names because a new suggestion had stroked your mind right before I came in and wooed you with my good, amazingly hot looks.” Amy’s head whips around from where’s she’s just focused on placing Mac in his cradle, double-checking that he’s still asleep, now displaying a cocked brow and overall expression that challenges his recollections of that conclusive night. Defeat hits him and his shoulders drop with a sigh.

“Okay, you were seven months pregnant and going through a particularly horny phase - which I, by the way, loved - and I, being a dutiful husband, couldn’t decline your explicit requests. But I do still stand by the fact that I boinked my way to the name McClane.”

“Oh my god,” Amy groans, partly in reaction to her husband, partly in reaction to her sore back making an appearance when she straightens up from tugging in the baby. “Stop besmearing our child’s name. I can still change my mind.”

“I’m right though.” In the meantime, Jake has approached his wife and wraps his arms around her. Pulling her closer, back to chest, and she instantly relaxes under the pecks he places on her neck. “And it’s an amazing name for an amazing little human.”

They smile in unison as they admire the life they created, carelessly and contently sleeping Christmas morning away, before them. Wrapped up in her husband’s arms and their perfect little son to look at, a fuzzy feeling that is way beyond and greater than happiness flows through Amy’s veins. The pecks to her sweaty and tired-feeling skin pick back up where they left off, systematically and how he knows she likes it, going around her neck and shoulder-area.

“I really wanna give in to how inappropriately horny you’ve suddenly made me, but…” she trails off with a sigh.

“You can’t stop thinking about the hot cocoa.” He finishes her sentence and the pecks are replaced by a muffled chuckle that tickles her skin. “It’s okay, Ames. I’m right there with you.”

“Thank God,” she groans.

“Hot cocoa and a Christmas movie we can fall back asleep to?”

This suggestion of Jake’s that will allow Amy to give into her tiredness is what she’s wanted to hear all morning.

“Sounds perfect. Grab the baby monitor?” She turns around to follow him back to their kitchen only to see him already holding the gadget with a tired, knowing smile plastered across his face and to Amy, even with his messy curls and shirt clad with stains of baby-vomit, her husband looks absolutely perfect.

Baby’s First Christmas might just be her favorite Christmas so far.

[adelcrait-old-account]

Lost and Found— Chapter 15: The Boss

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522103/chapters/64196512

After discovering a security breach, Vader sends Luke and Piett undercover to a bar frequented by criminals, hoping to run into the woman that is planning to defeat the Empire. 

Meme spoilers and a rant under the cut:

Hello! 

This chapter was a long time coming thing. I wanted to change the scenario and get them all to an actual planet with real air. Luke’s been up in space for weeks, but Piett must have been there for a few months, if not a year. I’m sending him on a vacation, he deserves it.

July me also thought it was the funniest idea to write Piett, unmasked Vader and Luke in a bar talking about Vader. Luke would introduce unmasked Vader as “his mortal enemy”, and Piett would believe it. I also find it incredibly amusing (to me) that Vader refuses to act as another person because: a) *dramatic spotlight* He is Darth Vader, a Dark Lord of the Sith, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet, current temporary Emperor, Leader of the Imperial Security Bureau, Leader of the not-so-secret Investigation against the Galactical Insurrection....He will not do something as foolish as acting. Do you even know who he is? He is Darth Vader, a Dark Lord of the Sith- b) He refuses to act as Agent Broly because he just doesn’t care. In the end he did reveal his identity to Piett, and he knew it was a risk coming there unmasked, but there is trust between them, and so Vader doesn’t see the point of acting as this Agent Broly.

For some reason when I first started writing Agent Broly I imagined a tall surfer himbo of some sort. Do with this information whatever you want.

1. The Boss

Now onto the star of the night, Anak- sorry. *coughs* the spotlight please? Thank you. nOW ONTO THE STAR OF THE CHAPTER: Darth Vader, a Dark Lord of the Sith, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet, current temporary Emperor, Leader of the Imperial Security Bureau, Leader of the not-so-secret Investigation against the Galactical Insurrection... My mans a bit out of character, but hey! This is an Alternate Universe where Vader when stressed acts like clone wars Anakin because there is enough love in my heart for all versions of this character. 

The real boss of the chapter is Miss Celissa Vanis, finally making an appearance after Chapter 6, when Luke and Vader just found her in the Coruscant rebel base. Remember those times? Feels like ages ago. Where has she been? What is she doing? Does anyone know what she’s doing? Do I know what she’s doing? What is her Modus Operandi? Does she have one?

Listen.......She’s out there getting stuff done. It took her less than six months to scare The Darth Vader, kidnap Palpatine and Mothma and start a very organised clandestine riot. SHE’S GETTING SHIT DONE.

I really like her. She is the antagonist of the story, yes, but hey! She’s charming and makes some very good points even if the execution of her ideas is....well, bad. People are dying. But she makes sense, even if I, as a person that is also reading the story and has opinions, disagree with her.

Celissa had a dramatic entrance, and she also got a dramatic exit. It has taken me over 70,000 words, but I finally decided to include something about...you know. That guy. 

Celissa stared at the ship. Her people looked at her for guidance, but she didn't have any. She was already planning to get rid of Darth Vader's new Sith apprentice. "You! Pick up the blasters and let's go. The Emperor has some questions to answer." 

Palpatine, answering questions? Celissa, teach me your ways. 

2. ‘The Skywalkers: I am The Last Skywalker Left, both Skywalkers say’ A STAR WARS STORY

These two... I know they’re related, you know they’re related, everyone knows they’re related, and I know that they will know that they’re related (I’m not telling you the How yet ;D) but...they share one brain cell, and in this chapter Luke has it. Which is understandable, because Vader is out of his comfort zone and has a lot on his plate. He probably hasn’t been to a space!bar since that time Hondo kidnapped Obi-Wan and him...about twenty-five years ago.

Luke, on the other hand, spent most of his life on Tatooine. He probably befriended ‘cool looking people’ in Mos Eisley when he was five and his Uncle had to drag him away because those people were dangerous. Luke in a bar filled with dangerous people is like a fish in the sea.  But I think that the fact that Luke and Vader are related by blood will just be a major Plus when the truth is revealed, because I already see that they’re vibing as friends. Hell, they even argue like children through the Force because Vader’s being snarky (because he’s out of his comfort zone) and Luke is just not letting him get away with things Vader usually did.

Hey, and I love them for that.

3. ‘The not-a  Commander, Someone Help Him’

I would quote Rickey Thompson’s you are my ride or die video, but I want you to watch it. This is me talking about Luke in this fic.  The Commander, Ben Starkiller. As I said before, Luke is more comfortable in the ground with the normal people because he spent most of his life on Tatooine with his Aunt and Uncle, moisture farmers. He understands people, he understands crime, he has seen people being wrongly accused of crimes they did not commit. So when Darth Vader starts talking about criminals, Luke steps in. He said this in Chapter 3, and his position still stands. He might not officially be a rebel anymore, but his morality hasn’t shifted:

Vader continued staring at him. “Why did you join [The Rebellion] ?” Luke clenched his jaw. “The Empire is a rotten, corrupt fascist state that supports slavery and massive genocide,” he said calmly with a shrug, “I have witnessed enough to see that something must be done against it.” “That is all theory, Commander. I am asking what caused you personally to be against it.” “I won't watch how innocent people are killed because the Emperor threw a tantrum.” Vader wanted to say that his Master never lost his composure: out of both of them he was the most likely to throw tantrums. Sidious was more strategic in his murders. “The Empire took the life of someone you knew.” Luke clenched his jaw. “A great deal of many people, sir. This is a war.” He would never reveal what the Empire did to his aunt and uncle, he wouldn't give Vader that pleasure. "No one cares about murders on Tatooine."

4. Hondo Ohnaka, Forever Young

I loved him in the Clone Wars and in Rebels. This is the man that when confronted by Darth Maul and Savage Opress, said the following:

Darth Maul: "Filth, you will pay for your insolence." Hondo Ohnaka: "Insolence! We are pirates! We don't even know what that means. Open fire!" 

I can only imagine the kind of stories there are about this man in the galaxy, and Luke has heard them all, so when he heard that Hondo said Vader tried to kill him, I just imagined this:

Imagine sending this without context to someone that hasn’t read my fic but knows the star wars lore....I would be very confused. It could also be an AU where Hondo finds baby!Luke and raises him as a pirate, and then Vader comes for his child and finds Luke Ohnaka speaking fluent pirate slang with the man that raised him. 

In case you didn’t know, Hondo kidnapped Anakin and Obi-Wan for ‘business’ in the clone wars TV show. After that, Anakin was too distracted with the war to go find Hondo again, so they left on neutral-to-bad terms.  On the long list of people that Vader wouldn’t want to see him unmasked, Hondo is at the bottom, because Vader doesn’t even remember he exists. Imagine you’re Vader (I know, I know), you’re approximately forty-five years old, drowning in work, undercover in a mission, arguing with this boy who is accusing you of being “impossible”, and then he goes very quiet and says “That’s Hondo Ohnaka.” The name is oddly familiar, and you turn around and you see him. That dude that kidnapped you when you were only twenty years old. This was over 25 YEARS AGO, surely he won’t remember you, right? 

Right?

5. Captain Kathmir, who?

Captain to Darth Vader at the start of the Empire, led the 501st to battles, a very well known figure in the Imperial Fleet...so why doesn’t Vader want to talk about her?

Piett spoke. "Yes, precisely. [...] Everyone knows what happened to Captain Kathmir."

The Force stopped ticking.

Luke frowned. "Who?"

"Nobody," said Vader urgently, "Drop the topic, now."

She disappeared after failing him. What happened? 

The Force became cold, and Luke shivered when Vader spoke. "The story is a lie built on childish rumours." he spat quietly. 

In case that you’re thinking Vader might have had something with this Captain, the answer is No. In my humble opinion, in canon, I don’t see Vader having anything with anyone that wasn’t Padmé, and this extends to all my fics. There are enough headcanons for everyone.

And to conclude, a wholesome one: 

Thank you for sticking with my nocturnal ramblings about this story! I’m posting another chapter in a few days, where they will do Force magic in the snow. 

[shotgun--rider]

Fake It Till You Make It - One

A Sam x Reader Series

PART ONE

Y/N knows it’s a bad idea to try telling her family that she’s dating Sam Winchester. But it’s just for the week of her sister’s wedding, and it’s all fake anyway. What could go wrong?

Word Count: 3600

Warnings: plus size! Reader, background Destiel for a hot sec, fatphobic comments, Y/N’s family are demons

A/N: Has this trope probably been done five million times? Yes. Am I about to do it again? Yes. 

Your cellphone rang and you grimaced, rolling your eyes as you took in Dean’s all-too-amused expression. Your best friend may have thought your situation was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, but that didn’t mean you were of the same opinion. 

“What?” you snapped out, not bothering to read the caller ID. Who else would be calling you for the fifth time in as many hours?

“Well that’s not a very nice way to greet your mother.”

Here you went again, the same thing over and over. You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. “What do you want now, Mom?”

Bent over something under Baby’s hood, Dean snorted, shamelessly listening to your half of the conversation. He could probably hear your mother too, you thought wryly. The woman was certainly loud enough. 

“Well, listen, honey,” your mother began. “I was just talking to Jimmy...you remember Jimmy? From down the street, you used to--”

“Yes, Mom, I remember Jimmy.” you said tiredly. “Why do we care about Jimmy?” Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. 

“For the wedding! I just asked, and Jimmy agreed to come with you.”

You let out an alarmed noise before you could stop yourself. “Mom, no.” you said firmly, with an undercurrent of panic at the thought of being trailed around by awkward Jimmy for a week. “I know it’s hard to imagine,” you drawled sarcastically, “but the vows will still be successful if I’m there without a plus one. Not like I’m the one getting married, you know.”

Still focused on the Impala, Dean’s shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter. You seized the apple core you’d been munching on earlier and chucked it at him, feeling marginally better when it bounced off of his back. 

“Y/N L/N! You should be a little more grateful. Besides, have you even thought about how it’s going to look to Dick if you show up alone?”

“I don’t care,” you said automatically. “He’s a dick, pun absolutely intended.”

“He’s marrying your sister.”

“At least it’s not me.” 

“That miserable attitude is exactly why you’re going to die alone, young lady,” your mother snipped. “You could at least make an effort. Maybe if you just lost some weight--”

“Yeah, okay Mom.” You hung up the phone before she could get another word in, immediately flopping back onto Dean’s front lawn in defeat. “If I ever get married, it’s going to be in Vegas with Elvis, and nobody is going to know about it.” Not that you would. Given your complete inability to keep a boyfriend for longer than two months and your habit of getting hung up on guys who were completely out of your league, marriage, or a relationship of any kind didn’t seem to be in the cards. 

“Who’s Jimmy?” Dean’s green eyes were sparkling with mischief, and you let out a groan, smoothing out the skirt of your sundress as you sat back up to answer him. 

“Straight-laced, awkward, kind of greasy. Went to high school with me.” You wrinkled your nose. “My mother is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. She’d throw a fit if I actually tried to bring him home. But apparently Jimmy is a better temporary solution than being single while my sister marries my ex.” You trailed off into silence, your hand pulling absently at a few strands of grass in your best friend’s front lawn. “Maybe I should just rent a boyfriend to shut her up. That’s a thing, right? Like a non-sexual escort.”

“If you’re going to the trouble, you should also get the sex,” Dean returned, still smirking at you as he wiped grease off his hands. “Or you could take me. I would make the best fake boyfriend. And I’m free if you feed me.”

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing at the mental image. “My mom knows you have a boyfriend,” you sighed. “Which, believe me, is a great source of sadness to her every single day.”

Dean laughed loudly, both of you glancing toward the house as the screen door swung open. “Maybe we broke up,”

“Well, she still doesn’t understand the concept of bisexuality, so as far as she’s concerned, you’d still be gay.” You rolled your eyes, long since over your mother’s narrow-minded opinions.

“Who’s gay?” Castiel inquired vaguely, making his way over to the flowerbeds. 

“Dean is,” you pointed out helpfully, prompting a wide-eyed stare from Cas. 

“Really? Dean, you should have told me!”

When you’d first met Dean’s new boyfriend, he’d been stiff and absolutely useless at sarcasm. It was always nice to see yours and Dean’s combined efforts working.

“D’you want me to ask Sammy?”

You were still laughing at Cas’s antics, and snapped your head back to Dean so fast that you were positive something popped in your neck. “W-what?”

 “I can ask Sam if he’s free that week,” Dean repeated, looking at you like he thought you were stupid. “If you want,”

You blinked, irrational panic running through you at the thought of Dean’s younger, perfect, brother. 

“It’ll shut your mom up,” Dean went on, oblivious. “Sammy wouldn’t mind.”

“Dean, I barely ever see Sam,” you protested after an awkward pause. A fact that was quite devastating, actually, not that you’d ever admit to your hopeless crush on the younger Winchester. 

Your best friend and his boyfriend shared a look. “That’s because he’s a hopeless do-gooder on top of being a hotshot lawyer,” Dean said fondly. “But I bet we could talk him out of taking a bunch of free cases for a week,”

Walking into your sister’s wedding with Sam Winchester on your arm sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. On the other hand, it would shut your mother up. She’d been vocal in her fears of you dying alone since you’d been barely out of college, sending you links to weight-loss workout videos and advertising her fixer-upper daughter to single men in the grocery store for years. Sam’s presence might even serve to stave off comments about your weight, which seemed to be the family’s second-favorite discussion topic any time they were together. 

Still, that meant pretending Sam Winchester was your boyfriend for a week, which just seemed like some masochistic form of self inflicted torture. Besides, if even you knew Sam would never go for a girl like you, how in the world were you supposed to sell it to your nosy, skeptical family?

“I was mostly kidding about the whole fake boyfriend thing, Dean,” you said wearily, not wanting to devote any more thought to the idea. 

Dean shrugged easily, sharing one more pointed look with Cas before refocusing on you. “Fair enough. You’re still staying for dinner, though, right?”

You’d have to be crazy to turn down one of Dean’s steaks. “Obviously.”

“Great,” he returned brightly. “I think Charlie’s coming.”

--

You were going to kill Dean. And Cas too, potentially, though it was entirely possible that he’d genuinely just been too preoccupied with his backyard beehive to remember the full extent of his boyfriend’s dinner plans. Because, apparently, “Charlie’s coming” actually meant, “Charlie and also Sam are coming.” 

It only took about five minutes for Dean to bring up your mother’s nonsense, prompting you to consider just face planting into the mashed potatoes in embarrassment while Charlie burst out laughing. She thought the whole thing was unbelievably hilarious, and had immediately offered herself up as a fake date. The offer was well meant, you knew, but you were only trying to get your mother to shut up, not disown you for bringing home a girlfriend.  

“I don’t need a date,” you finally huffed out, irritated with the whole thing. “I’m perfectly capable of showing up by myself. It’s not like anyone’s going to have anything to say about it that I haven’t already heard.” It was true. Your mother, and you sister and all of your aunts and uncles, for that matter, had been making the same jabs at your weight and relationship status for the past decade. You were used to it by now. 

“Doesn’t mean you should have to hear it,” Charlie shrugged. “If we’re too gay for your mother, get somebody else.”

“I tried to tell her Sammy would do it,” Dean put in unhelpfully, elbowing his brother, who had been silent up until this point. You contemplated kicking him under the table. 

“Poor Sam does not need to be subjected to my family for no good reason,” you said firmly, hoping that would be the end of it.

Sam was studying you across the table. “Or you could just ask me,” he said finally, and you felt your face heat up as you realized you’d basically been speaking for him. 

“Yes!” Charlie burst out before you could come up with a reply. “Sam doesn’t mind, do you, Sam?”

Too late, you realized Charlie was the real villain in all of this. Your old roommate, after all, was the one who knew about your little crush. You wondered if it was worth running the risk of trying to kick her under the table without hitting Cas, who thus far had remained off of your hit list. 

Sam cleared his throat roughly, looking between you, Charlie, and his plate. “No, I don’t--I mean, I don’t think Y/N really--”

“No, I do,” you blurted out, scrunching up your face immediately after the words left your lips. I do? I do? Since when? And what was it about Sam fucking Winchester that always made you act like a complete idiot? 

Dean was smirking at you across the table, and you idly wondered what would happen if you tried egging Baby. 

“Oh,” Sam brought you back out of your thoughts, looking hesitantly pleased. “Well, I just wrapped my latest case up, so I don’t mind coming up with you for that week. If you want.”

“Are you sure?” you bit your lip. There were a lot of emotions vying for your attention, but the dominating one was concern for Sam’s wellbeing. He had no idea what he was trying to agree to. 

Sam sighed, staring you down with those hazel eyes. “Y/N, you’re basically family. Of course I’m sure. You just worry about the maid of honor stuff, and I’ll watch your back. Okay?”

This was a significantly softer ending to dinner than you’d expected, but you couldn’t deny the warm feeling that rushed up inside you at his words. I’ll watch your back. Pretty much no one in your life had ever done anything of the sort, until you met Charlie, and, through her, the Winchesters. You’d known Dean for months before you finally met Sam, and of course he was perfect. 

It was easy with Dean, since he’d been the big brother you’d never had from day one. Sure, he wasn’t bad looking (seriously those boys won some kind of genetic lottery, you swore) but it just wasn’t like that. And then Sam had shown up and he was six and a half feet of walking perfection. 

And now he was smiling reassuringly at you across the dinner table, having just agreed to pose as your completely fake boyfriend in front of your god awful family. Well, at least you’d be able to pinpoint the exact moment your life went completely sideways, if you ever had to look back.

-- 

Two anxiety-filled weeks later found you in Sam’s car, because subjecting his long legs to your tiny vehicle for a seven hour drive just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. You were driving at his insistence, and Sam was in the passenger seat with a legal pad on his legs like he thought he was going to take notes.

“Sam,” you whined out, “is this really necessary? Can’t we just... you know, lie?” Since the whole thing is a big fat giant lie anyway. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at you, and it just wasn’t fair how sexy that made him look. “Y/N, you’re the one that kept trying to warn me about getting cross examined by your mother,”

“Such a lawyer,” you huffed. “Okay, fine, you’re right. Let’s write our fake love story,” You batted your eyelashes at him exaggeratedly, punching a surprised laugh out of Sam. He watched your antics in amusement for a moment, and then refocused, absently playing with a pen in his long fingers. 

“Okay, how did we meet?”

You cocked your head to one side. “My mom knows who you are,” you explained. “Vaguely, but she knows you’re Dean’s brother. We can just tell them how we actually met and stuff,”

Sam smirked at you. “You tell your mother about me?”

You made a face at him, smacking his arm as the heat of embarrassment suffused your entire body. “Just in passing, don’t go getting a big head. Well,” you made a show of studying him, “a bigger head,”

He looked affronted, running a hand briefly through his hair. “Okay, fine, we met because of Dean. Where did I take you on our first date?”

“Why did you have to take me out? What if I took you out?” You were mostly arguing for the sake of arguing, trying to keep yourself from thinking too hard as you imagined a fake life with Sam that had never happened and never would. He thought of you as family, he’d said as much, and you had to remember that. 

“Because I had been waiting forever to ask you out, and I had all the good date ideas saved up,” Sam answered immediately.

“O-okay,” you said hesitantly, jarred by the conviction in his statement. But that was the point, wasn’t it? You were trying to sell it, and Sam was obviously a good actor. And unfairly attractive. And kind. And...and oh god. Your fingers gripped the steering wheel harder as you thought about the unexpected trial he hadn’t signed up for. “Sam, can you golf?”

He shrugged. “I know how it’s supposed to work. I’m just...not that good at actually getting the balls in the holes.”

If Dean were here, he would have taken that opportunity to make a lewd joke. As it was, you just winced. “My dad is going to force you to go golfing,” you explained tiredly. “I should have thought of that, I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s no big deal, Y/N,” Sam assured you easily. “I don’t mind. Besides, I want to meet your dad,”

You blinked at him, almost missing a turn in the process. “You actually want to meet my family? Sam, they’re terrible. Well, my dad’s probably the least awful of the bunch. Mostly he just hides. But Ruby will definitely try hitting on you, even though she’s supposed to be getting married, and Dick will try hitting on everything with legs, which is just gross, and Gramma Lilith is gonna give you the speech about how you could do so much better, and my Uncle Az is going to start Googling you and making weird threats, probably…” you trailed off in a huff. “It could be worse, I guess. At least if Uncle Fergus shows up everybody’ll start yelling at him instead. One can hope. He’s pretty harmless,” you shrugged, “if sometimes high. And my mother will probably just stick to the usual fat girl comments, so…”

Sam’s quiet laughter at your descriptions trailed off. “Y/N, you know there’s nothing wrong with you, right?”

You just shrugged again, deflecting. “Oh, come on, Sam, you don’t have to pretend like you think I’m a size two or something,”

“I’m...not,” Sam sounded genuinely confused, and you risked a glance over at him in the passenger seat. Oddly enough, he didn’t look like he was lying. Huh. “I think you’re beautiful.”

You didn’t want to have to pretend not to be affected by that, and this was maybe the first time in your life you’d actually been grateful to see the turnoff for your family’s old estate. “Here we go,” you narrated a little shakily. “It’s a big house,” you warned, still smiling a little at the way Sam’s eyes widened. 

It had been a given that the wedding would take place at your Aunt Abaddon’s old estate house, which no one was quite sure how she’d acquired and which no one questioned. The only fun of the house was watching people’s reactions on the rare occasion that you brought someone here. 

“I’ll get the bags,” Sam said vacantly, still staring at the house, and you chuckled softly, getting out of the car in a rush. You couldn’t explain it, but it felt important that you got to your family before Sam did, to put yourself between them, though at this point you weren’t quite sure who was being shielded from whom. 

You smoothed down the little sundress you’d decided to wear, grabbing your small duffel out of the backseat and hastily going up the front walk, Sam still rummaging in the trunk.

“Y/N!” Ruby opened the front door to meet you, her smile already insincere and condescending. “You’re late. We thought you weren’t coming.” She glanced behind you briefly, then smirked. “And you’re alone. I mean I figured you wouldn’t actually find a plus one, but you know you’re gonna owe me for the meal--”

“Got everything?” 

Oh thank god for Sam Winchester. You smiled tightly at your older sister, glancing briefly at your shoulder to reassure yourself that Sam was there. He was, holding a bag in each hand and a pleasant smile on his face. It was totally his false courtroom smile, but Ruby didn’t have to know that. “Ruby, this is...my boyfriend. Sam.”

Ruby blinked long eyelashes at him, processing. You figured she was torn between insulting you and flirting with him, and, as expected, the flirting won out. “Hi, Sam,” she purred. “I can’t wait to get to know you a little better,”

“Right,” Sam said flatly. “Well, I can’t wait to put these bags down, so…”

Something in Ruby’s expression soured as she looked at him, and her hand fell away from the doorframe as she stepped back, letting you both into the house. You lost no time in ducking past her, Sam right behind you. 

“There’s rooms on the second floor,” Ruby said quietly, then, “I’m up there too, just in case you get bored...”

“Great,” Sam returned, and he shifted both of the bags into one hand to put a hand on your back as you walked toward the staircase. You shivered at the touch, exhaling the frustration that was already tensing your shoulders, and started up the stairs. God, it hadn’t even been five minutes. How were you supposed to get through a whole week of this?

Sam’s warm breath on your ear startled you, and he whispered, “So, third floor?”

You turned to catch him with a mischievous spark in his hazel eyes, and nodded quickly, a little smile pulling up the corners of your mouth as you started toward the second staircase with a new energy in your step. 

“Hurry your fat ass, Y/N!” you heard Ruby shriek from somewhere below. “Everyone’s already out in the garden,”

You blew out your breath, hastily swinging open the first door you saw. The room was mercifully unoccupied, with a queen bed in the middle of the room and not much in the way of decoration. Your Aunt Abaddon had always been pretty minimalist. 

Sam shut the door behind you both, setting the bags down in a line at the foot of the bed.

“I can sleep on the floor,” you said quickly, figuring that it was best to get that out of the way as quickly as possible. “I’m the one that got you into this, so--”

He turned to face you with a quizzical expression. “Why would you...Y/N, you didn’t get me into anything. I said I wanted to be here. If you’re not comfortable, I’ll sleep on the floor,”

“No,” you sighed out, defeated. “Ruby’ll probably try barging in here anyway. I don’t think she believes you’re dating someone like me. We’re adults,” you went on with more confidence than you felt, “we can share,”

Sam’s brow furrowed adorably. Stop that. “Someone like you?” He moved to stand in front of you, one hand sliding very gently along your upper arm. “She doesn’t think I’d go for someone that’s funny and clever and really pretty?”

Something in your chest eased at his words, and, before your malfunctioning brain could stop you, you leaned forward to rest your forehead against his solid chest. “Thanks. She’s a bitch,” you mumbled into his shirt.

Sam’s hand migrated to gently rub over your back. “I’m beginning to get that impression,”

You stood there for a few more moments, letting yourself breathe within the safety of Sam’s arms, and then you straightened up and shook yourself. “Alright, boyfriend, ready to go meet the rest of the firing squad?”

He smiled down at you. “Whatever you say, honey bunch.”

You grimaced, but it got a laugh out of you, which you supposed had been his goal. “Absolutely not.”

“Cutie pie? Boo bear?”

“Stop it,” you threw a mock glare over your shoulder, opening the bedroom door. 

“Okay, darlin’,” Sam murmured, and somehow that one sat better than all the rest. “I’ve got your back, remember?”

You smiled back at him, letting him slide his hand in yours for the show, and you braced yourself to head back downstairs and deal with the full force of your family. 

[elliemarchetti]

Red Queen Pride and Prejudice AU (part 3)

Part 1

Part 2

Masterlist

@lilyharvord sorry for the long waiting but life got in the way, as always. I hope you like this chapter and stay tuned for the fourth (which, I swear, won’t take that long)

Words: 2335

Wren wasn’t feeling any better. On hearing this, Miss Samos and Lady Haven repeated three or four times how terrible it was to have a bad cold, and how much they themselves hated being sick, but after that, they thought of it no more, and their indifference toward their guest when they weren’t directly around her confirmed to Mare all her previous feelings toward the party, including the satisfaction with Mr. Samos’ ways, since his anxiety for Wren was evident. On her side, Mare received very little attention from everyone: the ladies were attracted to the General like flies with honey, and Lucas Samos, beside whom Mare sat for lunch, wasn’t much of a conversationalist, and when he discovered that Mare preferred simple dishes to elaborate ones, he had nothing more to add until the end of the meal, when Mare apologized and immediately returned to Wren. As soon as the door closed behind her back, Miss Samos began to speak ill of her manners, which were declared very bad, a mixture of pride and impertinence.

“She has neither style, nor taste or beauty,” added Lady Haven. “In short, she has nothing that does her honour but to be an excellent walker. I’ll never forget her appearance this morning. She really looked like a savage.”

“I just managed to contain myself!” exclaimed the other. “What nonsense to go all that way through the mud for a simple cold. Besides, I would never have shown myself around with such sloppy, dishevelled hair.”

“Miss Barrow may not be a great conversationalist, and I guess your description may be correct,” replied the cousin, “but not only did I miss the muddy slip and the simple hairstyle, I can also say that I justify her little desire to chat, when her friend, for whom she feels a palpable affection, is in those conditions.”

“I am afraid, General, “observed Miss Samos, almost whispering, "that this adventure has somewhat shaken your admiration for her beautiful eyes.”

“Not at all,” he replied, “they were enlightened by the exercise.”

A short pause followed, and it was Lady Haven who began again: “I have a lot of respect for Miss Wren, she really is one of the sweetest girls I had the pleasure to know, and with all my heart I would like for her to settle down well, but with such parents and modest kinship, I fear there’s no chance of that happening.”

"I seem to have heard you say her uncle is a scholar,” said Mr. Samos, who didn’t seem to have any objection to the words his sister and friend had addressed to Mare, but didn’t like those harsh comments towards of the other guest and wanted to end the topic quickly.

“Yes, and they have another one, who lives somewhere close to Cheapside,” replied his sister, unleashing her friend’s laughter.

“If she had enough uncles to fill all Cheapside”, exclaimed Ptolemus, who was starting to get really irritated, “that wouldn’t make her less nice.”

“But that actually diminishes her chance of marrying a man of some importance in society,” Cal replied quietly, hoping to be able to be a peacemaker now as he always did when they were children. Obviously Ptolemus didn’t like his words, and left the room in great strides, slamming the door behind him. Everything would be back to normal by tea time, he was sure, and in this way he had also managed to dispel, at least for a moment, from Evangeline’s mind the thought that he was in turn interested in one of their guests. After lingering for a while to amuse themselves at the expense of their dear friend’s vulgar kinship, with a surge of tenderness, they went to her room, and stayed with her until they were called for tea. Wren was still very unwell, and Mare absolutely didn’t want to leave her until late evening, when she had the comfort of seeing her asleep, and judged it correct, more than pleasant, to go downstairs.  Entering the living room, she found them all playing cards and she was immediately invited to join, but suspecting they were playing hard she refused but decided to watch and listen to their conversation about Whitefire, General Calore’s estate, and his grandmother, a woman whose manners was widely praised by Miss Samos.

“It’s surprising to me,” said Mr. Samos, “ how many women have the patience to get to be so well educated as they all are; they can paint, play the piano, dance, sing and even embroider. I don’t know any who can’t do all this things, and I’m sure I’ve never heard of a woman before without being made aware of how well educated she was.”

"Your list of things commonly defined as education is all too true,” said the General. “The world is applied to many women who doesn’t deserve it and I can say it with certainty, after getting to know them better. I have to admit that, sadly, in my entire range of acquaintances, there are no more than half a dozen of really educated women.”

"Neither am I, I’m sure,” said Miss Samos. The more she knew her, the more it was evident that she was trying in every way to create bridges between her meagre personal ideas and those of the General, and Mare was ready to bet, even if she hated it, that she would be willing to trample any friendship or ideal in order to achieve her goal to marry him. If only their descriptions of what was a truly educated woman had been more alike, Mare would’ve said they were meant for each other, but their words were so diametrically opposed that she almost had to restrain herself from laughing, a task in which she was aided by the fact that General Calore described someone who was also very distant from both her, her family and her friends,  a mixture of talent, good taste, elegance and commitment that didn’t even reflect the other two young ladies in the room, who began to protest so much that Lucas Samos had to impose some order on them so they could finish the game. Since the conversation had ended so bitterly, Mare left the room shortly after.

“Miss Barrow,” said Miss Samos, once the door closed, “is one of those young ladies who try to make a good impression with the opposite sex by underestimating their own, and I am convinced that with many men the thing is successful but, in my opinion, it’s a petty system, a squalid artifice.”

“No doubt,” replied Cal, who was the main recipient of this remark, “there is some meanness in all the tricks that ladies sometimes deign to use to seduce. Anything that has an affinity for cunning is despicable.”

Not completely satisfied with that answer, Evangeline dropped the subject. How dare he throw digs at her when he knew perfectly well what had pushed her this far? Not even Ptolemus intervened, and Elane gave her a sideways glance, to make sure she wasn’t making one of her scenes. It was probably the possibility that Miss Barrow or Miss Skonos might hear it that stopped her, but that didn’t prevented her, that very evening, from consoling herself in the privacy of her room with the one that everyone would forever call her dear friend. As always after Elane’s loving care, all tension was smoothed out, and the following morning, when Mare had the pleasure of being able to give a fairly positive response to the request for information she had received very early in the morning from Mr. Samos through a waitress, it was proposed that a note could be sent to Mrs Skonos to ask her to visit her daughter and see for herself the situation, inviting her to take Mrs Barrow and the younger Miss Barrow with her too. If she had found Wren visibly in danger, Mrs. Skonos would certainly have despaired, but felt satisfied to see that the disease didn’t cause any alarm, she didn’t wish she would recover immediately, given that a healing would probably have taken her out of the Hall of the Sun. Therefore, she didn’t want to listen to her daughter, whom proposed to be brought home, and also the pharmacist, who had almost reached the house at the same time, thought it was definitely inadvisable. After spending some time with Wren, the four women were invited by Miss Samos to join her and her brother in the breakfast room, where he welcomed them hoping that Mrs. Skonos hadn’t found her daughter worse than what she had expected, but his hopes were partly dashed, although the woman later took care to compliment them profusely both on their kindness and on the wonderful estate they had rented.

“I hope you’re not going to leave us too quickly, even if the lease is short,” said Mrs. Barrow, who hadn’t yet uttered a word except for the customary greetings.

“Whatever I do, I do it quickly,” he replied, “and so if I had to decide to leave the Hall, I would probably leave in five minutes. For the moment, however, I consider it a stable accommodation.”

"That’s exactly what I would’ve imagined from you,” Mare said.

“I didn’t know,” Miss Samos interjected, “you were a student of characters. ”

“It must be a fun study,” noted her cousin, who had recently joined them along with General Calore.

“Yes, but the intricate characters are the funniest. At least they have that advantage,” she replied, casting a quick glance at Tiberias, who, feeling drawn into question, reminded her that the countryside wasn’t exactly the best testing ground for studies like that.

“In a countryside area one moves within a restricted and uniform social environment.”

“But people change so much that there is always something new to observe,” replied Mare, always ready to change his mind about his prejudices on simple people. If she had addressed any other gentleman like that, her mother would’ve reminded her of her place in the world but since it was General Calore, she was happy to take her daughter’s side, although not in the best of ways, to the point that her interlocutor, after giving her a long puzzled look, walked away in silence and even Lucas Samos found himself embarrassed.

“You have completely misunderstood my friend: he only meant that in the countryside there certainly can’t be the same amount of people you can find in town.”

“Nobody says otherwise, but as for not frequenting so many people in these parts, I think there are few places richer in neighbours. All I know is that we know twenty-four families.”

Nothing but the regard towards Mare allowed Lucas to keep himself serious. The cousin was less delicate, and gave her brother a very expressive smile. Mare, in order to divert her mother’s thoughts, asked her if Diana Farley had been visiting them since she was at the Hall.

“Yes, she came yesterday with her father, but she didn’t stop for lunch because her mother was waiting for her at home to make apple pie for her little sister’s birthday. The Farleys are really good girls, I assure you, and they are also very nice, but if they are with Wren or my daughters… they inevitably end up taking a back seat. That’s what everyone says, I don’t just trust my partiality.”

“When Wren was only fifteen,” Lady Skonos added, “there was a gentleman at my sister’s so in love with her that my brother-in-law was sure he would’ve declared himself before we could leave. Instead nothing came of it. Maybe he thought that she was too young. However, he wrote some verses about her, and they were very pretty.”

“And so his love ended,” Mare said impatiently. “There were more than one, I guess, that ended up like this. I often ask myself who was the first to discover the effectiveness of poem in chasing love away!”

Obviously the General didn’t share her idea, and was more than happy to point this out, interrupting his conversation with Miss Samos. Mare too had the answer ready, and their quarrel was followed by a long silence, which forced Mrs Skonos to thank the homeowner again for the kindness showed to her daughter, and Mrs Barrow to apologize for the inconvenience caused by Mare, who still didn’t have the slightest intention of leaving. Mr. Samos gave a spontaneous and courteous reply, and also forced his sister to behave in the same way, although she didn’t play her part gracefully enough not to allow Mare to notice that hers was all fiction. The two older women, however, seemed to be content and when Mrs Skonos ordered the carriage, Gisa stepped forward as if on command and asked Mr. Samos when he intended to give the ball his cousin had promised he would tell him about when they arrived in the countryside. Gisa was a strong and well-developed girl of fifteen, with a beautiful complexion and a cheerful expression; it was her mother’s favourite, whose affection had led her to make her entry into society at a very early age. She had a bursting vitality, a kind of innate self-confidence, that the officers’ attentions had turned into cheekiness, making her the perfect candidate to address Mr. Samos about a ball which, if not given, would’ve been the worst of shame on his honour, at least in her words.

"I’m perfectly ready,” he reassured her, “and when your friend has recovered, you will set the date of the party, if you please.”

Gisa looked satisfied, and began to fantasize about what other events she would be able to organize and continued to do so even when they were gone and Mare returned to Wren, leaving her and her relatives behaviour at the mercy of the two ladies and the General, who nevertheless didn’t allow himself to be persuaded to join in the criticism despite all the jokes Evangeline made about beautiful eyes.

[booksandrandomfandoms]

10 questions tag

I’ve been tagged by @lexi-rose-studyblr & @justwannabeafangirl so I’m going to answer both first and then list my 10 questions for my tag **this will be long 😅**

@lexi-rose-studyblr asked

1. What’s the dumbest way you’ve been injured?

Probably when I was in elementary school when I had to go on crutches because I decided to try to swing between these two doors in my house that face each other, it’s a small hallway with a linen closet on one side and the laundry room on the other, and I fell and hit my leg on the corner of the wall

2. What ridiculous thing someone tricked you into believing or doing?

I probably try to forget most of these so the only one I can remember is when I was little my uncle tried to convince me and my cousins that this red light on some box outside the window was a monster called “red eye” and that he was going to get us ... it had a back story on how it got it’s red eye but I don’t remember it now ... but he would always bring it back up when we went camping and stuff

3. What social stigma does society need to get over?

That boys can’t play with “girl toys” and girls can’t play with “boy toys” ... I’m the DM for a toy department now & I’ve had boys that wouldn’t stop talking about this one toy until they found out they had to go down the Barbie aisle to get it because it’s with the robotic animal toys & all of a sudden he didn’t want it 😔

4. What’s the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Probably spicy Doritos 😂 not a fan of much spice 🤷‍♀️

5. What mythical creature do you wish really existed?

Dragons in all shapes and sizes and elements

6. What fictional character would it be the most fun to change places with for a week?

Kim Possible

7. What game have you spent the most hours playing?

Recently - animal crossing, overall - Mario kart

8. If animals could talk which animal would be the most annoying?

Maybe birds? There’s so many of them but they might all have different sounding voices but I think they’d talk a lot

9. Which fictional character would make the worst roommate?

Amora from all the stars and teeth got on my nerves a lot

10. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down?

Probably when I used to get on Pinterest for like 3 hours at a time ... I don’t even log on anymore 😅

And now the questions from @justwannabeafangirl !

1. What’s your favorite thing that you’ve bought for yourself?

Probably my car because I still love it! 😆 & the fact that it’s MINE 😂

2. What fictional character do you relate to most?

Most recent one is Zora Novack from Now entering addamsville

3. Where is your favorite place/ website to shop for clothes?

Favorite is getting concert tees @ a concert but typically hot topic and ross

4. What is your favorite thing that’s hanging on your wall?

This lanyard I got from a convention I went to in college that has all these clothes pins I traded with people from other schools

5. Apple or android and why?

I have apple but mostly it’s just because I like the way it looks better ... don’t really like either and wish there was a better option 😂

6. What was your dream job when you were younger and is it different now?

I had so many when I was younger from firefighter to fashion/ graphic designer... now I wish I could still be a graphic designer but I never practiced it ... but I also want to do something more with math and science so idk 🙃

7. What’s a piece of media that you love that you think is underappreciated?

The den of shadows series by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

8. What does your mask look like?

Mostly I just wear the paper ones they give me at work but when I go out I have some with paw prints, a few with flowers, and some with stars on them

9. Do you have any red bubble stickers & if so which one is your favorite?

I don’t know what this is so I’m gonna say no 😂

10. How are you doing today?

Started out rough but it’s better now that it’s my day off 😂

My 10 questions

1. What’s your favorite song?

2. What superpower would you have?

3. Is there a tv show/ movie you’ve been wanting to watch but can’t find the time?

4. What’s your favorite thing to cook?

5. What is the farthest you’ve traveled from your home?

6. What’s your funniest memory?

7. What fictional world would you like to live in?

8. What’s your favorite meme?

9. Do you believe in ghosts?

10. Have you ever pranked someone?

I tag: @flamingmirrorbookish @themelodyofspring @just0nemorepage

Sorry for the long post 😅

[cajon-desastre]

A small recap of 5x11

1- PB & J sandwich, what wouldn't a grandmother do for her grandson.

2- Human brutality, compassion and a prayer to wish you a good trip. We rarely have the opportunity to see Jamie's religious side but this season we have seen several.

3- I love that nod to Voyager for readers with the image of the sandwich and the wrapper in the beginning credits.

4- Oh, Jemmy. Ian doesn't understand anything but ...

5- Claire is still unable to keep her mouth shut, although she cannot avoid following her vocation and healing the wounded. A phrase from Brown that makes you think of Jamie's actions in season 4 and 5: "You think a father's got no right to seek justice for his daughter who's been dishonored?"

6- I love, I love this scene with Ian and his uncles telling him the truth. It is time to reveal so many things ... but behind closed doors.

7- And it tears my heart to seek the help of time travelers to change things, not a war, only small ones. Oh boy, how much pain are you in.

8- An unexpected visit but always very well received. Lord John returns but first there is something he wants to give Jamie. Nice detail of Sam when looking at the photo from afar like a person who needs glasses would, as indicated by another blogger. Curious, even in the image that he gives him, the boy's hair has been fixed and he does not have the horrible bangs of the previous season hahaha

9- Eau de femme.Was quite faithful to the book and did not disappoint me. I think that in many of the gestures, as usually happens with these types of scenes, they get carried away and add small details that are very well received. Like the slap on the ass to Jamie. Umm

10- I found the microscope scene amusing but too brief. Jamie's reactions in the book are very funny and I missed the funeral line. It would have been a good ending to this scene. Another bad edit?

11- Jamie and Brianna. A tender and good conversation, necessary for many reasons and that has been spared us throughout the season. Jamie telling him the whole truth about his brother and a big YES with my fist in the air for me when he says: "And it wasn't a matter of love between us, but it was her choice".

12- And the farewells continue. Marsali.. I've already lost count, is it the fourth pregnancy?

13- Jamie with his grandson, beautiful image through the window. I guess it wasn't easy getting that scene filmed with such a small boy, that's why the girl holding the horse.

14- Seeing Jamie eat the sandwich with knife and fork can be one of the funniest things in the series. By the way, it's good? I have never eaten PB&J together.

15- The music that accompanies the trip to the stones, a new variation of the original that we have heard since the end of chapter 1x16. I love this.

16- I'm afraid that the destination was not what was expected. Jemmy what have you done?

17- The last five minutes I could only say no no no no.

18- And the cross is burning, the call has been made.

Summarizing. Good chapter although I think too many points were touched, product of mixing season 5 with season 6. There have been memorable, fun and tender moments. Memorable for the way Ian has discovered the great secret of his uncles. Fun like the microscope, which has been left incomplete, but has been compensated with the sandwich. Tender have been all the scenes with Jemmy, the twins are adorable. I understand how difficult it has to be to work with such young children but the result has been very good.

And I leave Jamie's conversation with Brianna for last. Maybe too much William, but I also understand that Jamie does not stop talking about a son that he has known as a child but cannot claim. While his adult daughter has enjoyed it much longer and has had a much more sincere treatment than she has been able to have so far with him. And, finally, what we have all shouted is said directly: it was rape, it was coercion and it was not consensual sex.

A chapter. One. And the season is ending. Many questions, many theories, many comments on the way in which the event that readers know is created. With innuendo at risky stylistic creations.

We'll have to wait and see.

[ftcoye]

xue yang knife problem au, J 👁️👁️

When words aren’t enough.[Ao3 Link.]

It starts out with a sneeze.

Xue Yang is playing swords with A-Yuan – smacking wood against wood, pretending to fight. It’s a game that Xue Yang actually enjoys, even if he has to baby himself for A-Yuan’s sake. The Ghost General had suggested it when A-Yuan had wanted to play with Suibian, and the fierce corpse was correct when it proved to be a much better game than butterflies or whatever else A-Yuan wanted to play.

Most of the time, Xue Yang has to be the bad guy. He’s okay with that, he just doesn’t like when A-Yuan says he’s a bad guy Jin – because Jins are, as they both agree, the worst – and he always smacks the brat on the head for that one, so he’s mostly stopped doing that. When Xue Yang is the bad guy, though, he has to pretend to die after a while when he’s done playing, let A-Yuan “slay” him, or the kid’ll cry and Xue Yang won’t get anything productive done for the next way-too-long. (Because if he doesn’t at least TRY to make it better, A-Yuan will go tell someone like Wen Qing who will do something about it and then Xue Yang will have his time wasted doing whatever she wants him to do.)

Right now, he’s pretending to die. He’s on the ground, his wooden sword dropped the ground, and A-Yuan’s shoved between his arm and his ribs, buried in the dirt. “If only you coulda learned to be good…” A-Yuan is saying sadly, because he’s listened to too many of Third Uncle’s awful stories, and then Xue Yang sneezes.

They both blink at each other for a moment. A-Yuan points. “Dead guys don’t sneeze, Gege!” he protests, folding his arms and holy fuck Xue Yang hates him soooo much.

“I didn’t try to!” he defends immediately, scowling. “Look, just start again, I won’t-“ And he’s interrupted by another sneeze.

Xue Yang doesn’t sneeze and apparently the look on his face is ridiculous, and A-Yuan starts giggling. Better laughing than crying, he guesses. “I guess dead guys do,” Xue Yang says instead, pasting on one of his brand new I-swear-I’m-not-a-killer smiles. (A-Yuan doesn’t fall for them easily, so he thinks they need more work because the kid’s an idiot. A clever one, but gullible.)

A-Yuan apparently thinks this is the funniest thing in the world. “Do- Do you think Uncle Ning sneezes?” he asks.

He definitely doesn’t because he’s a corpse – and has only reluctantly graduated from a “he” to an “it” in Xue Yang’s mind, mostly because Wen Qing threatened him when she heard him call the Ghost General an “it” – but Xue Yang will take the bait. “Why don’t you go ask him?” he suggests, and A-Yuan is more than willing to scamper off in the direction of the buildings, looking for the Ghost General, and that means Xue Yang is free.

Fucking finally.

He gets up and brushes off the dirt, leaning the swords against a rock to take care of later (maybe), and heads off to track down Shifu and a real sword for practice.

Xue Yang sneezes again. He doesn’t think anything of it.

The next day he’s stuffed up and it’s the absolute worst. He’s sniffling and he thinks Shifu is privately laughing at him and it’s seriously the worst.

Wen Qing scowls at him. “How do you feel?” she asks, and if he were stupider he’d think maybe she cared but she just sounds angry.

“I’m fine,” he hisses, and no his cheeks are not turning pink, fuck you, and she flicks him in the forehead.

“Stop acting like a child, then, A-Yang,” she says, and he haaaates her.

“Aww, A-Yang is a child, Qing-jie!” Shifu says with a laugh. “He’s so little, it’s okay.”

Xue Yang glares at him and thinks about running him through with Suibian. “I’m not a child,” he hisses. “I’m not A-Yuan.”

A-Yuan looks up from his congee. “What’s wrong with A-Yuan?” he asks, picking up on the tone and squinting at Xue Yang.

Shifu breaks into more laughter and Xue Yang does not sulk he does not sulk.

By the fourth day, no one’s laughing at him anymore.

His nose only stops being stuffed up when he’s desperate enough to eat some of Shifu’s peppers or cooking, and Xue Yang thinks the lack of breathing is getting to him. He’s a bit more tired, forcing himself up the hill after A-Yuan and panting heavily. His mouth is dry, tongue thick, and he shakes his head to try to rid himself of the faint dizziness that sticks to him.

He’s fine, though, even if Shifu won’t let him do any practice, and even if Wen Qing stops him at the top, A-Yuan already propped on her hip.

“You look awful,” she tells him, frank.

“Fuck you,” he says, without any heat, and he presses his hands on his knees and bows his head a little and tries not to look as out of breath as he is but knows he’s failing miserably.

A hand touches his forehead and he wheels back instinctively, surprised, only to be met with the force of Wen Qing’s glare. “Stay still,” she snaps, and Xue Yang knows better to defy her so he does. She presses her hand against his forehead and frowns slightly – he doesn’t like the touch but realizes what she’s doing and relaxes just a tiny bit. “No fever…”

Xue Yang rolls his eyes and now pulls back, making himself stand up straight. “I keep telling all of you, I’m fine,” he says, as if he hadn’t just gotten out of breath climbing a hill.

She gives him a look that A-Yuan quickly mimics and if Xue Yang were that kind of person he’d say it’s cute but he’s not so he just glares back. “Go to sleep,” she says flatly. “I’ll have your Shifu bring you some food and water later. We’ll see if you feel better in the morning.”

They only had lunch a few hours ago, and it’s plenty bright out and Xue Yang really does not want to go tuck himself in the cave and pass out. He’s about to say so but the look on Wen Qing’s face makes him swallow his tongue and he sulks. “Fine,” he bites out, and storms off.

When Shifu wakes him tiptoeing in, it’s dark, and Xue Yang has no idea what time it is. “Shifu…?” he murmurs, and his mouth is so thick and dry it comes out sounding odd and a little slurred.

Shifu is there, immediately, tucking a hand behind his back and helping him sit up and Xue Yang wants to protest but he’s really tired so he ends up leaning into the man’s chest. “Here, have some water,” he says, and he gently presses a jar into Xue Yang’s hands.

He drinks it all and when he finishes, Shifu has a second one and Xue Yang drinks that, too. He spills, just a little, dripping down his throat – when he doesn’t wipe it off immediately, because he needs to breathe, Shifu does it for him and that’s when he glares at the man and pulls away from his half-embrace. “I’m not an invalid,” he tells him. The water woke him up and he’s. Not embarrassed but he’s also not happy, and he wipes at his throat himself.

Shifu just ignores his words, though, reaching up to pull down Xue Yang’s hair – which he had forgotten to do before sleep – and then pressing his hand to his forehead. Whatever’s there makes him frown a little, even though he doesn’t say anything. “Does A-Yang need more water?” he asks. “Or some soup?”

Xue Yang could probably have some of each, his stomach wouldn’t mind, but he doesn’t really want to right now and he shakes his head. “Just let me go back to sleep,” he absolutely does not whine, and a tender expression (that Xue Yang does not want to see under any circumstances) spreads over Shifu’s face as he looks at him.

He recalls one of his first guesses with Shifu. Baby fever. He… still doesn’t know if he’s wrong?

Instead of thinking about that one too hard – because it makes him want to squirm and Xue Yang does not squirm – he flops back down against his mat. “If you wake me up again, I’ll gut you,” he informs Shifu promptly, but before he can see if the man actually leaves him alone and doesn’t sit creepily by his side, he passes out.

More tired than he thought.

Xue Yang is cold when he wakes up.

He shivers, curling up in a ball, and bats away at A-Yuan when he comes to try to wake him up. “Gege, it’s time for breakfast!” A-Yuan says, and his voice is like needles stabbing right into his brain and Xue Yang waves a hand at him and thinks he might connect. He can’t tell – he hasn’t opened his eyes.

“Go ‘way,” he says, and when A-Yuan pushes him a little bit, he rolls away. Right off the mat, taking the blanket with him. “Go away,” he says, and opens his eyes just a fraction but regrets it because the sunlight is the most painful thing he’s ever seen.

The brat doesn’t try again and Xue Yang lays there, shivering and fruitlessly trying to get back to sleep until a hand settles on his forehead. He jerks, instinctive. “It’s okay,” his Shifu says, and that makes him still as the hand presses.

“He’s hot,” Shifu says, talking to someone else, and his hand moves to be replaced with someone else’s. The smaller hand is cool and Xue Yang makes a quiet noise that might be a whimper if it were from anyone else.

“Alright, grab him,” says a voice that Xue Yang thinks is Wen Qing, and then he’s being scooped up like he’s a child.

Xue Yang can’t remember ever being carried like this, one arm behind his back, and the other under his knees, but it’s not… bad, and he leans into Shifu. He’s warm, he knows it has to be him, because it’d either be him or the Ghost General and the Ghost General’s obviously cold. “How do you feel?” Shifu asks, but Xue Yang doesn’t respond in favor of pressing his face into Shifu’s robes and breathing in the scent that’s… uniquely Shifu.

He smells of ink, of dirt, alcohol, spice, and this simmering sharp heat that Xue Yang has come to recognize as the tint of resentful energy and it makes him relax, just… just the faintest bit. The blanket came with them, wrapped around Xue Yang, and he can’t really move a lot but he lets one hand slip out to curl in Shifu’s robes – just to anchor himself, just in case – and he lets himself drift.

There’s the murmur of voices over him, of people talking back and forth and Xue Yang can’t really bring himself to focus on them, to listen and have them snap into clarity. He’s tired and his head feels fuzzy and he just wants them to let him go back to sleep.

Shifu does set him down, eventually, on a mat that’s not his own – Xue Yang doesn’t let go, refuses to remove the hand curled in Shifu’s robes and the man’s hand covers his own, pulling off his fingers one by one and Xue Yang makes some sort of noise that’s a protest and their hands still. Shifu goes right back to pulling off his fingers, though, no matter how hard Xue Yang tries to anchor them – but when he’s done, he keeps a hold on Xue Yang’s hand, holds it and gives it a squeeze and that’s… acceptable so Xue Yang gives a little trembling squeeze back.

When… when did he start shaking…?

Blearily, he blinks open his eyes, and Shifu swims into focus above him. Ah, right – he’s shaking because he’s cold, trembling because he needs more blankets. Shifu looks more worried than… well, Xue Yang has ever seen him, since Shifu’s not usually a worrier. There’s a crease in his brow, a lip worried between teeth, but when he realizes that Xue Yang’s squinting at him he gives him a soft smile, smoothing his free hand over Xue Yang’s hair.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, again.

Xue Yang tries to think about it. Make some sense of it in his thick thoughts. “Awful,” he says finally, and it’s so honest that Shifu chuckles.

“I can tell,” he says, and Xue Yang manages a glare which only makes the man relax. What, if he’s not being rude then the man’s going to worry? Yet he tells Xue Yang off for being rude? What does he want, even!

Why is that what he can focus on of all things right now…?

He sees Wen Qing appear, lean over Xue Yang to pass a bowl to Shifu and murmur something lost to his stuffed ears, and Shifu nods. He reaches and helps Xue Yang sit up, except he just wants to pass back out so he ends up sitting on his Shifu’s lap, leaning back against his chest like A-Yuan does. Xue Yang is too tired to be embarrassed, and just wants his blanket back, but Shifu brings the bowl up and presses it to his lips.

“Drink this,” he says, and Xue Yang does. It’s bitter.

He drifts, the next few days. It’s hard to tell what’s what, who’s what, even what he’s hearing.

Shifu is there the most. Holding Xue Yang’s hand or helping him drink whatever weird thing Wen Qing wants him to drink, but sometimes it’s just food and water. Wen Qing is there, too, probably just as much just out of sight, checking his forehead and giving him water and making the bitter, bitter tinctures he has to drink. When neither of them is there, it’s the Ghost General, which Xue Yang realizes makes sense in a moment of clarity – he can’t get sick.

He doesn’t see A-Yuan at all, and it… he’s fine, of course, A-Yuan would just make it worse.

When the Ghost General is helping him to relieve himself one time – which even if he’s extremely polite about it to try to make him feel better, will be memories that come back to haunt him for the rest of his life – he brings it up because he’s coherent enough. “How’s… A-Yuan?” he asks.

He looks at him and gives a faint upturn of the lips that passes for his smile. “He misses you,” the Ghost General says. “So get better for him, okay, A-Yang?”

It’s not as if Xue Yang tried to get sick and bedridden for like, a week, but he gives a slight dip of his head, anyway, as the Ghost General sets him gently back down on his mat and covers him with his blankets.

The… Wen Ning gives him another one of his small smiles, and then stands back up to watch outside, because he knows Xue Yang doesn’t like being watched.

Wen Ning doesn’t watch him and A-Yuan misses him and Wen Qing comes in in a few minutes to fuss over him and press her hand to his head and adjust his blankets and when it’s dinner Shifu will come in and hold his hand.

Xue Yang sleeps.

He wakes in the middle of the night, and he’s not sure why for a moment.

A hand cards through his hair, gentle and soft, and- ah. It’s Shifu. Xue Yang doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t twitch, doesn’t give a single motion that he’s awake, and Shifu does it again. He’s humming something quietly, an unfamiliar song, and he gently brushes a hand across Xue Yang’s face, thumb stroking his cheekbone. It rests for a moment, warm and familiar even if he’s never been touched like this before, and then withdraws.

He doesn’t move. Xue Yang wants to know what more Shifu will do, and he’s very good at faking sleep.

It takes another moment, Shifu still humming all the while, and then he stops and there’s a gentle touch on his forehead – not the touch of a hand, but the brush of lips. Shifu… Shifu is kissing his forehead.

He’s only done that, one other time, after they returned from killing Chang Cian – just a press of his mouth against his hair, holding him tight, but this feels… Shifu starts humming again, hand gently brushing through his hair again, and Xue Yang can’t help the little tears that collect at the corners of his eyes but go no further because damn him if he’ll let this show.

Shifu doesn’t say a word the whole night. He doesn’t need to. Xue Yang breathes and listens and feels until he slips back into sleep.

When Wen Qing finally – finally – declares that he’s made it through the worst, that his fever’s gone and he’ll just be shaky and tired for maybe another day or two, Xue Yang is so ready to go it’s not even funny. He wants to go back to his own mat, be alone for maybe a moment to breathe, and… maybe see the brat, too. She flicks his forehead. “You probably picked it up in Yiling,” she says, which does make sense – the timing’s right. “Stop wandering away from Wei Wuxian.”

Xue Yang rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he says, which he doesn’t actually plan on doing. This was just bad luck. He will continue to wander, thank you very much.

She flicks him again and Shifu laughs from where he’s hovering. He’s blatantly ready to catch Xue Yang if he so much as stumbles on the way back, and Xue Yang is determined to not give him the satisfaction. “Thank your Auntie, A-Yang!” he chirps, and both of them stare at him.

“…my what.” Xue Yang hates this man, he really does.

Shifu taps him on the nose, ignoring the way he makes a face and pulls away. “Your Auntie! Since A-Yuan is your didi.” He still has yet to call A-Yuan that – probably never will, ew – so Xue Yang has… no idea what’s running through the man’s head. Shifu seems to be thinking, rocking back and giving a grin. “Ah, wait, then-“ His grin grows and Xue Yang’s heart sinks. “You should be calling me Dad!”

Xue Yang blinks at him. Breathes in, breathes out, and turns his back on the man without saying a word. “Thank you, Wen Qing,” he says, with an emphasis.

She is his ally in this insanity. “You’re welcome,” she says. “Your Shifu will help you back.”

Shifu pouts and they both ignore him.

After Xue Yang sleeps another day away, he slips out of the cave without anyone noticing to make his way to the river. It’s a small one, the water brackish, but it’s a good place to wash himself up because he feels gross. Shifu had helped wash him while he was sick and that was embarrassing and awful for way too many reasons and Xue Yang promptly added it to his ‘Why I Hate Shifu’ list in his head.

It’s a very long list.

He strips and wades in – it’s hardly deep, and heading down to the pond? Lake? Whatever, he doesn’t know water, is usually better but he doesn’t like to wash when people are around and he really doesn’t want to now because he’s gross. He gets down on his knees to dunk his head underwater and of course. Of course.

That’s when A-Yuan shows up.

The brat grins at him. “Gege!” he chirps, and he immediately starts tugging on his own robes. “A-Yuan wants to wash with Gege!”

Xue Yang sighs. He’s struggling a little, so Xue Yang wades to the side and helps A-Yuan out of them, tossing them on the ground next to his and the child immediately splashes into the water with a grin.

It’s… okay to wash with A-Yuan, he supposes. The kid’s young and barely knows anything so it’s fine, and A-Yuan has probably bathed with Shifu before so even if he did know more it probably wouldn’t matter. Whatever. It’s not like he has anything to figure out since Shifu…

A-Yuan hugs Xue Yang’s leg and beams up at him. “A-Yuan missed Gege!” he crows, and Xue Yang… he pulls A-Yuan away, but only so he can squat down in the river, so the water comes up to both of their chests. A-Yuan blinks at him, very seriously. “Did Gege miss A-Yuan?”

Xue Yang considers him for a moment, and then grins. “Can A-Yuan keep a secret?” When A-Yuan nods, he leans in. “Yeah, Xue Yang missed his didi.”

A-Yuan starts crying and throws himself at him – Xue Yang is only on his toes and they both fall backwards, going underwater and come up sputtering together. A-Yuan still won’t let go of him, the little gremlin, and Xue Yang makes a face as he tries to pry the leech off his front. “Never mind,” he says. “I was lying.”

But A-Yuan isn’t listening, and Xue Yang resigns himself to bathing with a four-year-old attached to his chest.

There are worse things, he supposes, but he really can’t think of any.

[enbyleighlines]

Modern mzds prompt (if youre still doing them?) I would love to see a wangxian/ningxian family road trip?

Can do! Two otps in one, how can I refuse?

(And yes, I am still taking prompts for my mdzs modern au! I still have many aspects of the timeline I want to flesh out)

—

There really was no good reason for them to go on a road trip. Their destination is a shopping mall. They will have to pass many shopping malls on their way there, and there isn’t really anything special about the specific shopping mall they plan on driving a day and a half to visit. It has an indoor playground, which is cool, but it isn’t like A-Yuan hasn’t been on plenty of outdoor playgrounds.

But ever since Wei Wuxian had read an online article rating it #4 on the country’s most popular mall attractions, he had been determined to make the trek out to visit it.

Of course, Wen Ning and Lan Wangji both knew that Wei Wuxian had been just looking for an excuse to go on a road trip. Their shared partner loved them. He even had multiple playlists prepared “just in case” they ever went on one.

So yes, it really is more about the journey in this case.

Even four hours into the venture, neither Lan Wangji nor Wen Ning regret anything. It’s clear that Wei Wuxian is having the time of his life. Plus, A-Yuan is being remarkably well behaved, especially for a kid his age. He has no problem falling asleep in his carseat.

At the moment, though, A-Yuan is wide awake. Wen Ning, who is sitting in the back with him, is responsible for entertaining his second cousin.

Thankfully, Wen Ning is well prepared. Right now, he’s explaining how Mad Libs work.

A-Yuan listens diligently, while also fiddling with his favorite stuffed bunny.

“Okay, so first, I need a noun,” Wen Ning says, “A noun is a person, place, or thing. For example, ‘cat’ is a noun.”

“Or ‘car’,” Wei Wuxian chimes in helpfully. He’s up in the passenger seat while Lan Wangji drives. He’s turned around, looking at A-Yuan, who is placed diagonally from him.

A-Yuan’s face twists as he thinks very, very hard. “Car,” he decides.

“Okay,” Wen Ning says, and writes that down over the blank line. “Now, I need a verb. A verb is something you can do. Like... run, jump, play, sleep, eat...”

“Eat.”

Wen Ning writes that down, also.

“Are you just choosing whatever one of us says last?” Wei Wuxian teases his son.

“No,” A-Yuan argues. He looks offended.

“Another noun,” Wen Ning prompts.

There is a small bit of silence, when no one gives A-Yuan any examples.

Then Lan Wangji speaks up. “Another person, place, or thing,” he explains, “Think for yourself this time.”

Wen Ning bites his lip, to hold himself back from helping his cousin. He understands the reason behind Lan Wangji’s tough love approach.

The three men in the car wait patiently for A-Yuan to think.

A-Yuan looks out the window, pouting. However, his soured mood is short-lived. His eyes suddenly light up. “Tree,” he says, “Is ‘tree’ a noun?”

“A tree is a thing, yes,” Lan Wangji confirms, proud, “Good job.”

Wei Wuxian beams, bright as early sunrise. He reaches over to boop A-Yuan’s nose. “That’s my boy,” he coos, “So smart.”

Wen Ning nods, agreeing, and writes down ‘tree’.

They manage to fill out the rest of the page without too much trouble. A-Yuan is a quick study, which continues to delight — but not surprise — all three of his guardians.

Wen Ning puts the pencil aside and begins to read. It’s silly, of course, and makes absolutely no sense.

A-Yuan laughs like it’s the funniest thing he has ever heard.

—

Eventually A-Yuan gets bored of both Mad Libs and returns to playing number games on Wen Ning’s tablet. The car becomes a lot more quiet.

And, as everyone knows, Wei Wuxian hates silence. Within minutes, he reaches to grab his phone, and plugs into into the car’s dashboard. “Okay, I think it’s time for some Traveling Wilburys,” he says.

“The who?” Wen Ning asks.

“It’s a band,” Wei Wuxian answers, which says very little, “Jiang-shushu used to play them every time we went on a road trip. I bet you I still remember all of the lyrics.”

“Mn,” says Lan Wangji, “What do you bet?”

This is a new game that the two of them play. Wei Wuxian says “I bet” so often that Lan Wangji has started to take it literally, as if to tease his fiancé. The stakes are never high. It’s usually pretty cute, actually.

Wen Ning keeps his ears open, intrigued.

“Hmmm...” Wei Wuxian thinks aloud, “How about, if I do remember all the lyrics, you have to wear your shirt backwards all day tomorrow.”

Wen Ning holds his fist to his mouth, hiding a smile.

Lan Wangji huffs out some air through his nose. It sounds like it might be one of his amused snorts, instead of one of his annoyed snorts. Wen Ning is still trying to learn the difference.

But whether amused or annoyed, Lan Wangji says, “Okay. And if you forget?”

Wei Wuxian grins. “What do you want?”

Wen Ning tenses. He almost expects the conversation to take on a non kid-friendly turn. The two recently betrothed men are usually good about keeping things PG in front of their son, but no one is perfect. In any case, Wen Ning is ready to cover A-Yuan’s ears if need be.

But Lan Wangji replies, “If you forget, you will drink tomorrow’s coffee black.”

Wei Wuxian grimaces. “Eww, Lan Zhan, that’s so mean,” he complains, “I’d rather not drink coffee at all!”

“Then you surrender the bet?”

The bait hooks Wei Wuxian in like a charm. “Of course not,” he scoffs, “I’ll just have to win the bet!”

And so he turns the album on shuffle, and begins to sing.

“Well, it’s all right~”

—

The sky is starting to darken just as they reach their hotel for the night.

A-Yuan is asleep again, but he perks up when he feels the car’s engine shut off. He blinks wearily, and then asks, “Can we eat soon? I’m hungry...”

“This hotel has room service,” Lan Wangji answers, “We’ll eat after we unpack.”

Satisfied with that, A-Yuan gives a small smile which is immediately overtaken by a huge yawn.

“Cover your mouth when you yawn,” Wen Ning reminds him.

They climb out of the car and grab their belongings from the trunk. They wouldn’t have brought much if it wasn’t for A-Yuan. As it is, their luggage is full to bursting.

Wen Ning carries A-Yuan to the front desk.

Check-in is somewhat of a slow process, but they’re all a little too tired to mind. Then the receptionist hands them the key cards to two rooms, along with a booklet full of helpful information about tv channels and menu items.

Though Lan Wangji booked two rooms, they all crowd in one of them for dinner. They let A-Yuan press the buttons to ring room service, and then unpack while they wait for their food to arrive.

Though the night is relatively young, there’s relatively little conversation. After eight hours in a car, they’re just happy to stretch their limbs.

There’s two beds, but they all wind up sitting on the same one.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are instantly entangled in one another. It’s very cute, how they’re even more tactile than usual now that they’re engaged. Wen Ning sits close to Wei Wuxian, with enough space between them for A-Yuan to curl up.

“So, are you enjoying the road trip so far?” Wei Wuxian asks A-Yuan.

The boy nods, and rests his chin on Wei Wuxian’s knee. “But I do miss Kitty, and Cabbage, and Carrot,” he adds.

“Yes, well, your Li-guma* is going to take very good care of them while we’re gone,” Wei Wuxian assures A-Yuan, “But if you’re worried, I can ask her to send us some pictures of them.”

[*Guma = father’s older sister]

A-Yuan probably isn’t all that worried, but the offer makes him perk right up. “Can she?” He asks, “I want to see them.”

“Sure, I’ll text her after dinner,” Wei Wuxian says.

Lan Wangji presses a tender kiss to Wei Wuxian’s temple. “I have my laptop,” he points out, “We can FaceTime them.”

Wen Ning smiles. He loves how interconnected their family is.

Growing up, Wen Ning had a large, close-knit family. He had his parents, his Jiejie, Granny Wen, and a whole gaggle of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Over the years, though, a deadly combination of illness and poverty had dwindled down their numbers. Many had died. Many more had moved far away, out of desperation.

Wen Ning is so very thankful. He looks at Wei Wuxian, and at A-Yuan, and he feels his heart swell.

(He also can’t wait to see Wei Wuxian try to drink an entire cup of black coffee.)

[irikahkrios]

i've talked about this before but postcanon emmett goes to college, gets a degree that lets him teach theatre and becomes a high school theatre teacher. and boy do i love that for the aesthetic alone, considering how emmett looks and acts at this point postcanon

so picture this chubby, hairy guy, scruffy red beard, long (mid-back) curly red hair in a ponytail with a bit of gray at the temples, shows up to work every day in either 1) hawaiian shirts with cargo shorts or 2) elvis-style jumpsuits (which isn't actually that weird for the sci-fi setting. jumpsuits are very much A Thing in mass effect just like they're A Thing in 90's star trek, but most probably aren't as shiny and flamboyant as the ones this dude is wearing), mechanical prosthetic arm and leg, generally kinda looks like he's Been Through Some Shit but in like, a cool uncle kinda way. personality-wise, he's a riot. insists students call him by his first name (because, he tells them, he hyphenated his last name when he got married and hoo boy is it a mouthful), shows the class videos of his cats and the students all know his cats by name, his little office in the back of the classroom is plastered with more cat pictures, as well as pictures of him with his wife and two husbands, and their three or four kids (there's an adult drell who's obviously his husband and wife's son/his stepson, but his students aren't sure if that big-ass krogan is really His Kid Who He Raised or if he's just fucking with them. attempts to ask him have not cleared this up in the slightest) who are all different species. he's openly bi and trans, has pride flags hanging on his classroom walls (shhh it's the future public schools won't be so shitty in 200 years) and wears pride flag pins to match. he tells bad dad jokes. he's the warmest, funniest presence who makes you feel so seen and listened to and appreciated. if you're being bullied he'll fight like hell to get the "little shit" responsible (also he is capable of swearing like a sailor in front of his students and it's great) to answer to the school's higher authorities. he's that teacher all the "weird kids" bond with. he's every cool teacher you had in high school rolled into one sweet, jolly bastard.

and the funniest part about this silly, loving dude who makes learning about the history of theatre fun? he's the greatest, most famous, most profoundly respected war hero in the history of the galaxy. he led the team that saved the galaxy from total annihilation on no less than three occasions. he personally detonated the device that destroyed the reapers, fully prepared to sacrifice his own life in the process. he has literally died once before and was brought back to life after his stalker stole his corpse and gave it to a terrorist organization that spent two years rebuilding him to fight the reapers, because they knew that he was the only one who could. he's space jesus, in the flesh, he saved the lives of everyone in the galaxy and now he's working at your high school going off on a pre-class tangent about the musical cats and its unfair treatment after some bad vid adaptation in the late 2010s-early 2020s. one of his own cats is named after the model of shotgun he used the most during the reaper war. one of the husbands he tells silly domestic stories about so fondly is garrus goddamn vakarian, his famous right-hand man and lover, a respected war hero in his own right and, depending on how many decades this is post-canon (i feel like he needs 20-30 years to grow into it/get the experience required/become comfortable with the idea), possibly the fucking primarch of the turian hierarchy. and your theatre teacher talks about him like it's no big deal, "oh garrus did this," "oh garrus said this funny thing to me the other day," "oh we were at disney world this past summer and they had dextro churros so garrus got to try a churro for the first time." you try to picture the turian primarch eating a churro. you cannot. not until your theatre teacher shows you a picture, himself and his husband with their levo and dextro churros, respectively, in hand. they are both wearing mickey mouse ears. these men stopped the reapers three times.

this man walked into your school and asked for a job teaching theatre to high schoolers. hell, he probably wouldn't even have needed to go to college and get a degree for it if he didn't want to, he could have just walked up to the front desk and said "hi i'm emmett shepard, i want a job here teaching theatre, my qualifications are that i'm emmett shepard" and they would have fucking given him the job. it's surreal. it's something out of a comedy vid. you can't fucking believe it. his wife, irikah krios, is the brilliant doctor who singlehandedly jump-started research into the treatment of her species' most common terminal illness, all while on the run from batarian slavers who wanted her family dead. you just learned about her accomplishments in your biology class yesterday. she and her husband thane fought in the reaper war too. there's a picture on your theatre teacher's wall of her holding up a corgi that's dressed like wonder woman.

your theatre teacher, emmett fucking shepard (shepard-vakarian-krios, he is quick to correct people), saunters into class today, his wild red hair pulled into a bun and his cargo shorts a camo pattern in garish rainbow colors. ("found 'em at the thrift shop the other day! my size, rainbow as hell, only thing is i fuckin' hate camo. stood there for twenty minutes tryin' to decide if i should get 'em or not. eventually thane said i should go for it, that it was meant to be or somethin'. so here they are!") thane, as mentioned before, is their other husband. he is one of the most deadly assassins in the galaxy. through your teacher, you know that he is now retired and spends his time tending a garden of succulents and practicing yoga. you have seen pictures of him somehow managing to balance six cats on his body at once. emmett fucking shepard-vakarian-krios, the hero of the galaxy and the guy who teaches your fifth period theatre class, starts on one of his characteristic pre-class tangents. he calls the phantom of the opera a "creepy incel." you like him very, very much.

[szopenhauer]

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? yes

Are you in a good mood right now? r u serious?...

Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? I won’t get any

Are you talking to anyone right now? my gf online and my mom irl

Did you buy anything today? I didn’t

Were you happy when you woke up this morning? I wasn’t

When was the last time you cried really hard? today, it wasn’t the hardest tho

When did you last hug someone? Who was it? this day as well, parent

How’s life going for you? no comment

Has something someone said today annoyed you? that’s normal Can you hear the crickets chirping at night? sadly not Do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites? depends on the new song - if it’s good then I like it as much as my old favs

When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? this summer has the worst mosquitos ever Do you have a pair of sunglasses that are worth over $200? I'm not rich, mine aren’t more expensive than 25 PLN  Are you brave when it comes to trying new foods? ...  When was the last time you saw your significant other? weeks ago, not counting video chatting Are you ashamed of your singing voice? I’m aware I have no talent so... Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? also animal languages and been talking to plants etc. Do you have anything important to do tomorrow? hospital Are you a fan of retro things? prefer vintage, antiques, shabby - retro is fake but at times there are some good enough pieces as well  Would you be considered to be knowledgeable about World War 2? I mistake WWI for WWII and vice versa If you’re with someone right now, do you think it will last? don’t feed my paranoia Have you heard of the Irish actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers? oooh that’s the one Do you have something to do, that you would rather not do? tomorrow Are you, in any way, feeling hopeless right now? absolutely Do you know who you’re planning to ask to your prom? I wanted to ask my current gf back in the day but my mom didn’t let me and I didn’t go because only me and K. didn’t have a date so we preffered to stay home When was the last time you went shopping? yesterday What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? 60 PLN but I cry when I pay 30 PLN, luckily I have like 3 shirts that are about 30 PLN Do you like making funny faces in pictures? better to be funny than ugly, right? Is there something you look back on and go “I can’t believe I did that”? regrets Are you good at offering advice? but not following them  What was the last thing to confuse you? confused is my second name  Are you a fan of Keira Knightley? she’s not that good Have you ever resorted to alcohol to make you feel better? it doesn’t make anything better Have you heard about Mel Gibson’s rant/freakout? he was such a good actor, such a shame he’s not a good person  Do you wish your bedroom was bigger? I wish I had my own apartment Have you ever felt like a “new person”? I had my moments that were ruined right after  Do you own any expensive jewelry? I sold the only necklace that was worth something  Has there been someone in your life that just wouldn’t leave you alone? stalkers Do you hate to use public bathrooms? there are way worse things than public bathrooms, even when they’re covered in blood, poop, pee and vomit (but puke is least bearable from all four)

Are there any writing utensils close to you? I packed bunch of them 

What was the last thing that shocked you? brain, remind me what was last... How many other rooms can you currently see into? hall Do you need to take the trash out? done Do you need to clean your room right now? soon Do you need to clean out a litter box right now? my cat’s gone Are these questions reminding you of things you put off to do this survey? there’s washing my head on my list for this evening - nothing more  How many days have you been wearing those clothes? gimme a break!

Can you move your nose? yasss

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? sew teddy and a cat from socks for example but I’m not fond of DIY in general Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? knowledge is power

What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? what doesn’t?... Ever had a living nightmare? my life is a nightmare

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? successful or not - haters are everywhere Do you wish you could be a world traveler? travelling ain’t my hobby Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? Ełk If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? if I had money and they wanted to go and it wasn’t that far away from home and they were angels and they were old enough... Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? wouldn’t bother, pics are better How long does it usually take your hair to dry?  so short yet dry slowly Is your Pinterest page cluttered? it’s neat Did you used to name your Barbies? of course Is your life boring? ppl say it is but for me it’s not enough boring if you know what I mean Do you usually feel better around people or alone? alone Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? tried to fix friendships but it didn’t work out  Do you ever think about Heaven? yup Are you ready for Heaven yet? I will go to hell but I don’t mind dying now if it’s a quick death as I prefer to be gone that an ill burden to myself and others Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? I don’t deserve heaven, I think it would be unfair for me to go wherever, I have love-hate relationship with God Do you feel better now than you did last night? noooo Does your body have any problems with it? my body is 99,99% a problem, it’s made of problems like jigsaw puzzle game Have you taken any huge risks lately? my life is 24/7 at risk - does that count?... Silence or songs? depends  Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? try to ignore them if possible What color socks do you have on? purple stripes, looks a bit like asexual flag - this realization :o Are you under a blanket right now? am not

How much was your prom dress? What’s the most you’d spend?: I wouldn’t buy anything expensive, dress from a second hand under 30 PLN Are most of your friends single or taken?: my friends were basically always single When you’re taking a survey that has a “Which of your friends is… the nicest? The prettiest? The smartest? Etc.” do you skip over it?: as I have no friends anymore to be honest What salon do you go to for getting your hair done?: I cut them on my own or ask mom for help Do you believe in luck?: I’m unlucky Would you marry someone of a different religion?: that would be hard  Would you convert for them?: nope Worst part about your job?: I don’t have a job and the worst part about it is lack of money and regular UP visits Ever took something out of the lost and found that wasn’t yours?: they tempt me I took some lost/trashed stuff from the street tho Do you delete friends from Facebook if they never talk to you?: that’s me! Do you know anyone who smokes cigars?: my uncle did Ugliest fashion trend at the moment?: according to this - shorts suit, cut outs, sheer/transparent, raffia not a fan of most of vests blue isn’t my fav color but it’s a seasonal thing but shirts shouldn’t be such a huge part of summer in my opinion Do you like glittery nail polishes?: why not

Are you wearing a pink shirt? it’s white with black letters

If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? hospital I believe

Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? don’t even let me begin this subject...

What makes your room unique? trinkets

Does your past bother you? consequences of it

Do you take risks or play it safe? play it safe and yet...

Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? more than one person, more than one reason

Do you live in the USA? Poland

Who do you want to meet in Heaven? from those who already died? my brother

Is it raining? slightly

Is your life stressful and exhausting? to me it is too stressful and exhausting 

What is your favorite time of the day? when I sleep, if I sleep that is 

Have you ever known anyone that’s gone missing? nope Do you put your foundation on with a sponge or your hand? I don’t use foundation, yuk Do you have to pee often? ppl told me that I pee often Do you live near a pet store? they closed pet store in my town

Who was the last person other than family to tell you that they love you? my gf How many people have you kissed in the last month? 1 Do you know anyone who writes really well? my gf writes well Does it bug you when people spell color “colour”? not spell but write, it sounds good in British accent but looks horrible on paper

What is the best fanfic you have ever read (lmao) only fanfic I remember reading was that one E.W. and K.K. sent me about Draco and Harry (yaoi)

If you could direct your own TV show/movie, what would it be like? it would be based on my book

One thing you’ve always wished you could do / be good at? be healthy

Post a picture of the weirdest/funniest text conversation you’ve ever had! can’t choose only one, also, sadly,  I don’t have screenies of some of them 

Is there a stranger you would like to meet again? for example - I’d like to see all those ppl that I thought have amazing fashion sense and ask them if I can take photos then I would make a blog about it

Does your school take sports too seriously? all schools do, that’s unfair What does the sound you currently hear remind you of? it’s quiet

Did you eat out anywhere today? nah Where is your purse? my purses are in various places around my room

[nikatyler]

Siblings Interview Tag: Marie and Scarlett Rose

Like I said in this post, I was tagged twice - and therefore I want to do this tag twice. I know I asked for suggestions and I was asked to do either Regan and Felix or Caleb and Lilith Vatore. I was going to do Regan and Felix, since developing them would be more useful for their legacy than developing my nsb!Vatores, but then I thought wait a minute, if I want to do Scarlett’s BC, wouldn’t it be fun to develop her and her twinsister a little more? After all, I treated them like shit in the og legacy. So yeah, thank you guys for suggestions and I’m sorry I didn’t use them in the end. I will keep them in mind though, one day they’ll come in handy for sure.

1. Which one of you is the older sibling?

Scarlett: “You’re the older twin.”

Marie: “The wanted twin. You were quite a surprise.”

Scarlett: “I thought we were grown-ups, why are you rubbing it in my face again?”

2. What do you like about your sibling?

Marie: “I know you probably want me to go really deep, but I’m going to say her style. Like, I wouldn’t be able to pull it off myself, but it’s so cute on her. I love that.”

Scarlett: “Thank you! I like how honest you can be. If you don’t like something or someone, you just say it. I think that’s an important trait.”

Marie: “Definitely. Oh, you’re also really empathetic.”

Scarlett: “Unlike you.”

Marie: “Unlike me. Yeah, I don’t know what empathy is.”

3. What annoys you about your sibling?

Scarlett: ”You just said it. You can be pretty cold sometimes.”

Marie: “I know! I hate that about myself as well. Someone is crying in front of me and I don’t give a shit about why they’re crying, I’ll just stand there and pray they’ll stop soon because it hurts my ears. Which actually brings me to what annoys me about you.”

Scarlett: “Really?”

Marie: “Yeah, you cry about every little thing. Happy ocassion, sad one, doesn’t matter, you’ll have waterfalls coming down your cheeks.”

4. Describe your sibling(s) with three adjectives.

Scarlett: “Determined, sassy, kinda rude sometimes.”

Marie: “Soft, optimistic and caring, like I said already. She won’t leave you alone, she’ll just want to know you’re alright.”

5. What is your sibling’s/siblings’ biggest talent(s)?

Scarlett: “She was a mermaid in her past life. I’ve never understood how you can swim so fast.”

Marie: “It’s just practice.”

Scarlett: “First there’s talent, then you polish it with your practice and you’re amazing.”

Marie: “Thank you. You would’ve been a good goalkeeper.”

Scarlett: “Yeah, if I had kept doing football, I would. But then I injured my ankle and stopped.”

Marie: “I think your biggest talent now is...let me think...you take great pictures.”

Scarlett: “That’s why I’m glad I can take pictures for a living.”

6. What is your sibling(s) really bad at?

Scarlett: “Being nice to people.”

Marie: “Yeah. I don’t even know how to give a good compliment!”

Scarlett: “Okay, no, that’s a lie. You’ve already complimented me so many times in this interview!”

Marie: “I don’t think it’s in my blood to be nice. I took more after dad and he’s, well...I mean he’s nice, but he’s also not.”

Scarlett: “Yeah. Same with you, though you’re a little bit different. What am I bad at?”

Marie: “You’ve always been bad at remembering to give back the borrowed things. You know, pens, pencils...and you always forget to bring back the books from the library on time.”

Scarlett: “I know. Good thing auntie Rachel works there. She’s forgiven me quite a lot.”

7. Do you have nicknames for each other?

Marie: “We don’t.”

Scarlett: “What are you talking about?! We do!”

Marie: “But we didn’t come up with them.”

Scarlett: “Good point.”

Marie: “And we both hate them.”

Scarlett: “Scary Scar and Mini Sharon. Don’t ask our dad why he thought it would be fun to call me Scar.”

Marie: “Mine isn’t that bad. I mean, if mum didn’t dye her hair, we would really look alike, so -”

Scarlett: “Why didn’t he call me Mini Lynn then or something? Grandma’s haircolour somehow made it through genetics to me. Scary Scar is the worst nickname of all times.”

Marie: “I’m pretty sure uncle Caleb would beg to differ.”

8. What’s one thing you can do that your sibling(s) can’t?

Scarlett: “I’ve always been good at writing.”

Marie: “That’s right, you always got good grades on your writing homework, while me...I’m not creative, okay? Not to mention spelling is hard sometimes.”

Scarlett: “But you can swim and run faster than anyone in the family.”

Marie: “That’s right. I’m unstoppable!”

9. Did you get along when you were younger?

Marie: “Sometimes we didn’t talk for days.”

Scarlett: “True.”

Marie: “But most of the time, we were okay, I guess.”

10. What is your funniest childhood memory of your sibling?

Marie: “Oh god, this is embarrassing.”

Scarlett: “It is. If we’re thinking the same thing, it is.”

Marie: “But we were so little - wait, are you thinking the concert too?”

Scarlett: “The concert. We should tell the story.”

Marie: “Yeah, totally. So, it was dad’s birthday, he had a concert that night, and his bandmates thought it would be cute if they got us on stage so we could sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him in front of everyone.”

Scarlett: “We thought it would be nice too, even mum agreed, and so we got ready for our moment of fame. And as we walked on the stage, I realized how many people were staring at us.”

Marie: “And you started shaking and crying. I tried to calm you down, but it didn’t work, and before anyone could do anything else, I dragged you to the backstage again. I remember dad was so confused, like what the hell were we doing there?! But he wasn’t mad at all. We wished him a happy birthday later and never attempted to surprise him in the middle of his concert again.”

Scarlett: “That’s a lie. I don’t know who it was - Joe maybe? - I think he tried to convince us next year again, but mum was against it.”

11. Are you closer now or when you were younger?

Scarlett: “Definitely now.”

Marie: “When there’s a problem, we now solve it by talking, instead of putting it off for days. I think that’s the biggest difference.”

12. Did you compete with each other?

Marie: “Don’t all siblings compete from time to time?”

13. Which one of you is more likely to turn out like your mum or dad?

Marie: “Dad literally calls me Mini Sharon sometimes, so guess what.”

Scarlett: “You’re a good mix of both though! I feel like - I mean you can tell I’m their daughter, but it’s not as clear as with you.”

Marie: “You inherited all of dad’s talent. You can sing, you could write songs if you wanted to. I’m more like mum.”

Scarlett: “Meaning there’s not a sport you wouldn’t succeed in.”

Marie: “I wish. But yeah, sort of.”

14. Which one is most likely to have a big family?

Scarlett: “I’m single right now, so...what about you, Marie?”

Marie: “Mason and I are too young and stupid to have spawns of our own.”

Scarlett: “When I was little, I wanted a big family, but now that I’m older and I travel a lot, I think children can wait.”

Marie: “It’s not like mum and dad want to become grandparents, is it?”

Scarlett: “It’s likely that it is dad’s biggest nightmare.”

Marie: “It would ruin this illusion that he’s still young.”

Scarlett: “Yeah. No offense, dad.”

Marie: “Can we turn this into a ‘let’s roast our dad’ session? I strangely enjoy that.”

Scarlett: “Same! Again, no offense, dad.”

15. What is one thing about your sibling(s) that has changed as you’ve gotten older?

Scarlett: “She’s not as mean anymore. She used to pull my hair all the time just to tease me.”

Marie: “I can still do that if you miss it.”

Scarlett: “No! Stop it!”

16. Who’s better at maths?

Marie: “Good question.”

Scarlett: “We were both a little above the average, I’d say.”

Marie: “Yeah. But I won that prize in the second grade, so I’m slightly better.”

17. Who is more pessimistic and who is more optimistic?

Scarlett: “I wouldn’t call you either of those things.”

Marie: “I’m trying to stay realistic. You on the other hand, you’re always like ‘oh yeah, this could be fun, let’s try it!’ and you never think about what could go wrong! How do you do that?”

Scarlett: “I wish I knew. It’s just who I am.”

18. Is there anything you don’t like doing together?

Marie: “I hate going shopping with you. I’m sorry but it just takes too long. It’s not necessary!”

Scarlett: “It is! I don’t want to buy something and then later at home realize that I actually don’t need it!”

19. Which one of you do you think will get married first?

Scarlett: “The one of us that is currently in a relationship.”

Marie: “Never say never. You might find the right person soon and you won’t want to wait.”

20. Lastly, how often do you argue?

Marie: “Not so often anymore.”

Scarlett: “It’s because we spend less time together and when we see each other, we actually miss each other and neither of us thinks about arguing.”

Marie: “Oh yeah, I’m so happy you travel so much and I don’t have to see you every single day.”