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character-shoes-and-misery · 3 years ago

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Anyways, before I finished DRV3 I had seen a couple spoiler-adjacent fanworks and had thought the game was going to end up being some sort of VR experience, so here’s my AU pitch:

Modern-adjacent setting but obviously with much, much better technology. Dangan Ronpa is an augmented Virtual Reality game where you can pop in and play more or less a murder mystery with your friends, and there’s a variety of modes, including sandbox that unlocks after everyone has done a tutorial where you can straight up create new backstories and memories for everyone and clown around.

So the cast of DRV3 is just like. A group of friends who stream a lot of Dangan Ronpa. Keebo saw ‘Ultimate Robot’ as a choice in the list of characters was like ‘is anyone going to choose that’ and did not wait for an answer and is basically always the Robot and when the gang figured out how to integrate twitch chat into the game, is basically always the chat surrogate. (They tried to give almost everyone a shot, but fully half the cast would just ignore the chat, a handful would almost always do the opposite of the suggestions out of spite, Himiko would listen and talk back but almost always was too lazy or bored to follow orders, and Shuichi almost caused the game to overload trying to figure out where these voices were coming from and what they wanted, all of which was funny in its own way, but ultimately Keebo is the best option for when they want chat to have a say in events)

The games normally have like, a DM equivalent role where the person keeps their memories and can manipulate parts of the game and tries to keep the plot moving along. Generally they also try to maintain a low-key persona as well, because the default if the mastermind dies is to just shut down the game, but there is a not insignificant amount of streams dedicated to killing off the mastermind on purpose, and then watching absolute chaos ensue as the learning AI in the game tries desperately to keep things chugging along, sometimes to hilarious outcomes (i.e. the AI built to make a creation jump the furthest distance just building an extremely long leg and falling, sometimes the AI decides to best conduct a murder mystery it should just terminate all but two players or one crazy stream where the AI decided the best motive to a killing game would be the end of the killing game and got stuck in a logic loop for a while).

Tsumugi is definitely one of the most popular DMs, and Kokichi is mostly banned bc the games he DMs are either WAY too intense or devolve into mostly random prank battles and silliness. In any case, the events of DRV3 were mostly planned together by the group and everyone more or less gets to choose their own talents, although the DM is largely in charge of the backstories and overarching plot elements. Kaede in the real world like classical music but absolutely threw over her piano lessons in favor of screwing around with her friends at the arcade and thus thought Ultimate Pianist was the funniest possible choice. Ryoma and Tsumugi worked together to get him *two* Ultimate titles, also because they thought it was needlessly overdramatic and funny.

After an execution or death, the player drops out and can continue to watch events unfold through the still alive characters’ viewpoints. The pain is also dulled WAY down in real life so as to lessen the absolute trauma that might bring about. Rantaro throws an understated fit when he is the first to drop out as chat teases him because he was really excited about this character. (”Kaede this was going to be the one! Look at this backstory!” “Okay, I’m sorry, but have you considered literally talking to anyone about any of your plans, ever?” “Absolutely not.”)

Ryoma pops out furious bc Tsumugi gave him in game depression *again* and while it is more or less an ongoing joke at this point, he’s sick of it! Where are his in game anti-depressants huh? He has rights! Kirumi, in contrast, almost makes herself sick laughing when she exits the game, because what was that? Her mom vibes had transcended the walls of reality and her in game character had *hated* it. She really thought she was simultaneously the most and least important person in the world. Wild. She says hey to chat and then drags Rantaro and Ryoma to stress bake with her while Kaede continues to monologue about how lucky they are Shuichi hasn’t died yet bc he is the *only one* who can deduce *anything* in this particular game it seems.

Angie comes out pouting bc she had jokingly made a cult in the last game she DM’d and it wasn’t *her* fault Tsumugi’s character had fallen head over heels for it! She had dimensions! And she was absolutely going to own Tsumugi in Mario Party later for making the island she grew up on seem weird. So they didn’t do things exactly like the mainland, that didn’t mean everyone was constantly having orgies or murder parties or whatever! Tsumugi!!!!! She is in the middle of starting an art stream on the side while ranting to chat, largely to a mixture of laughing emojis and sincere agreement when Tenko pops out, blinking and confused.

Tenko, who definitely knows *some* martial arts and is in shape but does not know what Neo-Akido is supposed to be, demands they roll back the tapes and when Angie dead-pan informs her they don’t have that ability, angrily munches on the fresh baked cookies and mumbles about how Tsumugi is homophobic for not letting her kiss Himiko even *once* this game. Kaede reminds her last game she and Himiko had a pre-canon relationship and got to kiss all the time, and also are literally dating, to no apparent effect.

When Korekiyo comes blinking out of the game he’s almost immediately like “Oh, come on!” Bc he had jokingly insulted Tsumugi the other day and essentially said they could replace her with a cardboard cut out to no noticeable difference and when she had shot back that he had no place to talk he clearly bought all his clothes at a Hot Topic in place of a personality, he’d thought they were good. OBVIOUSLY NOT! Korekiyo had said that thing about his sister being in and out of the hospital in CONFIDENCE and ALSO it was because she kept breaking her bones bc she fully refused to stop climbing on top of things and jumping off full speed. She was fine! She had a lovely wife now who managed to stop her from breaking any more bones at LEAST 80% of the time. Why did Tsumugi have to do him dirty like this? She knew his sister watched these streams and was also probably texting him overdramatically outraged and grossed out messages right this second. Uncool. (”It’s because you presented on tracking recessive genes through the royal family’s family tree last PowerPoint party” Angie informs him, unsympathetically. “Genetics are fascinating and monarchies are stupid” Korekiyo wails in response).

Miu returns from the game more or less shrugging, she should’ve known better than to try to kill Kokichi, but in her defense it would’ve been *really* funny if she managed. Everyone agrees, and chat consoles her with sad pog emojis. Gonta follows shortly after, absolutely sobbing that he’s sorry as he does every time he manages to kill someone, and being awkwardly patted on the back by Miu as she reminds him it was just a game and not a big deal. After he is consoled he does straighten up indignantly and reminds everyone, much to their amusement, that he stopped wanting to run off and live in the woods with wild animals when he was like, eight, and realized it would probably be not constructive to their way of life, and also he would *never* let a bunch of insects out in a room full of nervous people who could potentially swat at them and harm them. Kaede sets him up an animal facts side stream and they all leave him to it. At some point his and Angie’s streams kind of merge into one as she draws him little simplified bugs and animals and he points out their special features and talents and everyone agrees it is good.

Kokichi then pops out of the game to much groaning and annoyance as he ruined the mystery for the already ‘dead’ players and is shooed out of the room as half of chat demands to know which of the two is actually dead and half of chat demands the surprise not be spoiled. When he’s allowed back in after the reveal, it’s to begrudging praise for managing to make such a convoluted plot without his memories and being forced to apologize to Gonta by Kirumi, which he does, albeit pouting his way through it (”Uh, shouldn’t he be apologizing to ME?” Miu demands, waving her hand in the air. “You literally tried to kill me first” Kokichi shoots back, deadpan, before returning to Gonta).

Kaito is lauded as he comes out of the game, Kokichi complains about his ad-libs, but largely everyone is impressed by his bringing everyone together, hiding the secret illness Tsumugi tagged him with, and managing to follow along Kokichi’s extremely wild plan. Kaito, on the other hand, is bemoaning being the Ultimate Astronaut once again (”It was an elementary school phase! Everyone wanted to be an astronaut in elementary school! Why does she keep making it *my* problem???”).

They all take another stress-bake break while nervously watching the screens as their remaining friends have what seems like some sort of nervous breakdown. The game engine has a stress meter, and Tsumugi herself can end the game whenever she thinks it’s going too rough (A good measure, although another reason Kokichi is in DM timeout, bc he would slam the eject cast button anytime things went too far off the rails of his desired plot and his metric for ‘too far off the rails’ fluctuated wildly depending on his mood), but it’s still not fun to see your friends so upset, even if it is just a game.

Finally after much excitement watching Shuichi run around wildly and Keebo tear everything to the ground, the gang watches the final trial commence. They groan and cheer and comment as Shuichi and Tsumugi lay out the final elements of the plot (”Tsumugi jumped the shark *so hard* on this one and I’m going to give her *so much* crap for that *and* getting me killed for no reason” Kaede complains after the sixth or seventh outfit switch Tsumugi pulls). They set up the final poll and watch in awe as Shuichi argues and beseeches and tries so hard to save this world that isn’t even real. The whole hope v despair thing is a little trite, and honestly, refusing to pick a side isn’t *that* rare of an outcome, but watching Shuichi lay out a case and argue so passionately is always inspirational.

Keebo and Tsumugi pop out at the same time, to much teasing and cheering and excitement. Keebo cuts through eventually as people are teasingly tearing into Tsumugi’s plot as she pouts and whines and defends herself to point out the epilogue playing out on screen. Maki, Himiko, and Shuichi made it past the sixth trial, so they get a little ending to themselves before the game shuts down. The casual optimism makes everyone roll their eyes at the cheesiness, but in a good way, good naturedly jeering about how they thought the winners weren’t choosing despair OR hope. But as it dies down and credits start to play on the stream, they welcome the three back from the game cheerfully anyways.

#danganronpa #dr #drv3 #yet another overly wordy au idea from me #this is probably stupid but i like it and thats whats important lads #side notes I couldn't quite fit in:#i think shuichi himiko and weirdly enough kokichi have the lowest kill count over the streams #shuichi gets real squeamish #himiko is frankly a little lazy and doesnt really like to put the effort into the game and also is squeamish #and kokichi does have a moral code albeit one known only to himself lol #gonta also has a pretty low count but unfortunately hes pretty easy to trick or convince into these things even though he always feels #awful about it afterwards :(

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jenner-benjamin · 4 years ago

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SURREALISTS STUCK AT HOME: Writing and Drawing Lockdown

This is the second online workshop I have attended by London Drawing Group, this time hosted by artist Luisa-Maria MacCormack and writer Philip Webb Gregg. I cannot commend London Drawing Group highly enough. The workshops they offer are engaging, insightful and incredibly well researched and presented. From my experience they have been ‘pay what you can’, which when times are financially uncertain is a fantastic option.

In the last couple of months I have found myself in isolation twice, as per the government guidelines for coming in to contact with someone who has tested positive for coronavirus. It is a strange period of time where you are led to feel as though you have been given a golden opportunity to create artworks and be productive, but this time does not necessarily lend itself to positive thinking or inspired creativity. This has led to a period of self doubt and a general feeling of demotivation.

I have found solace in virtual courses, workshops and activities that have given me a feeling of artificial normality and some routine to long stretches of disorganised and unstructured days.

This Surrealist workshop caught my eye because it incorporated writing alongside drawing and I felt it might inspire some visual poetry. We were instructed to have prepared a body of text in which we would be defacing, which reminded me of the Dadaist poetry that I had considered in the last module.

The introduction stated that Surrealism was described as being a reaction against the ridiculousness of the world. I felt this sentiment resonated with most participants. A series of rapid challenges were thrust upon us in quick succession that did not allow for us to sit and contemplate too much about the work we were making, but to accept and enjoy the creative chaos that ensued.

The tasks that we were asked to participate in were selected from the Surrealist Book of Games. In all honesty the games we took part in were not revolutionary tasks that I had not come across before, but did stimulate a response from the part of me that had been struggling to feel free with my creative outlets. I have felt very despondent of late, and forcing work that does not want to be forced. These tasks encouraged expression and amusement. I have since bought the Surrealist Book of Games for myself for times when I feel creatively disorientated.

Below are examples of the drawings and written works that came from the workshop, some were more successful than others, but all were important reminders to not expect too much of yourself in a strange and unsettling time such as the one we find ourselves in. Being encouraged to seek out words and images in this hour also led to a newfound appreciation for the space around us in lockdown, encouraging us to not merely exist in the space but to live in it.

Ephemeral Poem - a game in which you explore your home environment searching for misplaced words in order to create a collaged poem. We had two minutes to search for words or phrases, and then two words to compose a poem.

Shake, and create your own universe,

Enjoy!

Love, distilled and bottled.

Found Drawing - a game in which you explore the home environment searching for misplaced imagery in order to create a collaged drawing which will reflect the experience of your environment. Each item was given a different time limit, some were as short as 5 seconds, some as long as 30 seconds.

Text as art - select a body of text and cut up words or phrases, not reading the words beforehand. We had four minutes to cut up the text, and then four minutes to compose a poem.

we’re gonna do tonight

outside on the street

we’ve got it all planned,

laughing and feeling good

he was the funniest

Decalcomania - also know as ‘blackout poetry’. Take a page of text and ruthlessly erase big bodies of writing with a black marker pen, trying not to read the text beforehand.

at any moment

freedom and absolute freedom.

I myself was not a lovely little poem

for this one rare full moon.

Involuntary Sculpture - take a page of text and screw it up into a sculpture, studying the sculpture and composing a poem with the words that you can find.

Your Spot - a series of 4x three minute drawings from a place that you find yourself drawn to in lockdown. The drawings must sit on one sheet of paper, either on top of each other or as a panoramic study.

Automatic Writing - allowing yourself to be completely honest with what feelings or thoughts arise in response to a specific image. In this case, we responded to ‘The Therapist’ by René Magritte and subsequently ‘Notes for an Apocalypse’ by Dorothea Tanning.

I can’t support myself. I’m tired, and hiding, and tired. I want to leave, but I'm trapped in my outside inside. Clutching, not holding. Red, white and blue, but not in a freedom way. Two birds in the cage is worth how many in the hand? How many in the bag?

‘The Therapist’ by René Magritte, 1937 - oil on canvas.

I don’t understand what it is I'm experiencing. A tablecloth that is a cloud, but not. And how many limbs? And a green goblin? Stuff of nightmares with a fireball halo. Confusion, uncertainty and a fireball halo in a moody grey sky.

‘Notes for an Apocalypse’ by Dorothea Tanning, 1978 - oil on canvas.

As a closing task for the workshop we we asked to select elements from both artworks and create a new surrealist piece in response to these. The drawing I ended up creating was made while not looking at the page, fully embracing the surrealist weirdness of what happens when you relinquish control of the drawing to pure intuition.

#practice #londondrawinggroup #surrealism #surrealist #dadaism #dadaist #abstract #abstractart #COVID-19 #coronavirus #lockdown #workshop #printmaking #masters #mamdp

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dazais-guardian-angel · 4 years ago

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Time for my feels dump thoughts on Diabolical Box...! y’all, this game. this game. I don’t think people give it enough credit for... a lot of what it does, despite the messiness of the plot reveals... but it’s so special and unique, in ways I’m only now appreciating. also this is gonna be really REALLY fucking long I am so sorry, but I have a Lot to say about the ending parts... i just love this game so much...... so i wrote a fucking novel bc of course i did.

also i played this in October, completely unintentionally, so that’s noice.

The amount of voice acting and cutcenes in this compared to CV is amazing, I love it so much, even if it is funny sometimes the dialogue they choose to voice and then abruptly cut off a few lines later.

I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Luke jumping on Chelmey and trying to rip his face off and it’s just the funniest fucking thing omg; Hershel in the background going “NO LUKE THAT’S HIS FACE” is comedic gold.

Will we ever know what Hershel was going to say when Chelmey asked him what Luke’s relationship to him was... dammit Luke why’d you have to cut him off.

Hershel calling the hamster “generously proportioned” is amazing. also “I’ve always said that helping rodents in need is among the duties of every true gentleman” Hershel... please tell me what other situations have made you say that... please...

Why is there an entire subplot about finding this Karen’s dog, just to make Chelmey look like even more of an idiot? if they needed to pad the game out more, they definitely could have done it with flashbacks or in places that I’m... ahem... emotionally invested in

Flora’s treatment in this game is so infuriating to me, like... why did they think this was a good idea? What was the point of bringing her into the plot for NO other reason than to be kidnapped and impersonated? Was it literally just because they needed a way for Hershel and Luke to run into Don Paolo and get the box back from him??? Why couldn’t, idk, Katia run into him in Dropstone and get the box from him and save Flora, that would still get the box to her and keep Flora in the group, and it would tip them off to Katia being related to all this even earlier, and Don Paolo could still be shown there if he absolutely has to make an appearance in each game. I know it’s because he has to be built up and then revealed, and because Hershel always has to have a dramatic point-n’-reveal every game, but whyyyyyy does it have to be at the expense of Flora. :))))) It would have been interesting to see her reactions to Folsense and Anton and everything, and not have Katia be the only female involved in all this; maybe she could, you know, actually have a personality!! hahaaaa who am I kidding...

beluga: “it’s already been a year since she passed away” me: whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

Anderson talking about Dropstone and the sacrifices made to found it and how it can’t die out like “other towns”... with the song playing... whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

The sheer coincidence of Katia going to Folsense on the same day that Hershel and Luke would end up in Dropstone and then there, and on the 50th anniversary of the town... not a likely one.

Didn’t some versions of the game come with a real version of the train ticket to Folsense? I want it D:

i also want a real Elysian Box, like can i commission someone to make one minus the whole you know actual gold, please, i’ll pay aNYTHING- *sobs*

LUKE HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HERSHEL IS AN ARCHEOLOGIST, AFTER ALL THE ARCHEOLOGICAL SHIT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH

Hershel to “Flora”: “you’re as white as a sheet!” Don Paolo, minutes ago while the others aren’t looking: *furiously powdering his face mask or some shit*

Why was Anton’s diary lying in the street though... it doesn’t make sense that Katia or Beluga would have it, and they couldn’t open it anyhow. probably just a gameplay thing that should go unquestioned but I want to knowwww lol. Also wish Hershel and Luke had reactions to the entries.

Ilyana tho. Also bootleg Clive asdfghjkl

I LOVE THE TOWER OF HANOI PANCAKE PUZZLES

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the obsession with the tea set... like yeah it’s fun to serve tea when you actually get it right, but I’m stuck with like two recipes missing and getting frustrated just trying and trying countless ingredient combinations on end because some of the npcs are NOT helpful enough in telling what to make :))))

Obviously Katia can’t reveal anything or say anything about why she’s there at all to keep the suspense till the end, but it would have been cool to see her working together with them and making a plan to get into the castle and help Anton aka I just wanted more scenes with Anton being nice and not flying into a rage over a misunderstanding ugh

It’s honestly pretty impressive some of the deductions/connections Chelmey makes in this game, despite his... other incredibly stupid ones lol

“iSnT iT oBvIoUs?”

WHY DOES HERSHEL RISK KILLING LUKE (AGAIN) WITH THE BOX. And why tf does it not do anything to them since they assumed it would...?

The biggest mystery of the series is how Pavel gets where he does, truly

The music in the forest is truly one of the best osts, god I love it. I also adore the Herzen Castle ost now, I never really noticed it before but it is WONDERFULLY creepy and heavy and melancholic and just... idk, those harpsicords go hard. damn.

Opening the Elysian Box is the best puzzle in the series, because of the meaning behind it. Or at least, it’s my favorite for that reason :^)

Alright folks so I’m gonna be completely, unabashedly honest here, and reveal myself to be the superficial, shallow fucker I am lmao: Anton is super hot and I’m still attracted to him even now, and I hate that we get so little time with younger him dklslskdfkflssd I AM SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT OKAY. BLAME THE VOICE ACTOR, HE HAD NO RIGHT TO SOUND SO UNEXPECTEDLY DEEP AND INCREASE ANTON’S HOTNESS LEVEL BY 1000%... just. god damn. damn. the dining room scene. the lighting. the way he puts his hands down and closes his eyes at one point. the way he says Herzen. the freaking sass with “chalk it up to my bad taste then.” the little clap. his entire design which just oozes Victorian era anime bishie beauty. kudos to the character designer who was like “well they said make someone cool and handsome and i wasn’t sure what to do but i tried and i guess it worked out” GOOD SIR BOY DID YOU SUCCEED. how dare this man turn me on so much, fUCK. And I know it’s super shitty of me to not like his old design as much!!! but just!!! why the beak nose.... why.... he was so gorgeous and then you give him the Bronev nose treatment..... i’m already so sad over the ending but you make him look so much sADDER, THE SADDEST POSSIBLE DESIGN FOR OLDER ANTON. It’s not that I mind him being old, I just wish he looked more like himself... there didn’t need to be such a drastic change. But I know I’m just being petty lmao. anyway stan Anton for most beautiful PL character always 🙏 Descole and Clive’s hotness have nothing on this man

*ahem* But to get back to serious topics, replaying this now when I’m older, with the ones after it in mind, I think I finally realize why this game stands out to me so much from the others, making it my favorite. To put it as best I can, Diabolical Box, to me at least, just has a different feel from all the other PL games. Yes, it’s still definitely a Layton game, you still investigate a mystery, there’s still puzzles everywhere, it still has a relaxing city or country feel to the atmosphere, there’s still lots of charm, but once you hit Folsense and the climax and the ending reveals, the tone sort of... shifts? Not drastically, but enough that’s different from any point in all the other games that I can remember; I feel like Last Spector might have the closest kind of atmosphere to Folsense at certain parts, but even then the plot of that game is nowhere near to having the same tone as this one. Diabolical Box, when you really look close at it and think about it, is dark. Dark in a way that none of the other games are, despite the darkness some of the others do have. And I think part of that is because almost every other game/movie is connected to the overarching story involving Hershel’s past and people involved with him, and so the drama and angst is very much grounded in London or other places Hershel would be/was, and in his time, but Diabolical Box is unique in that the story and characters in it have nothing to do with him. And to reflect this, Anton and Sophia’s story is based in the early 1900′s, the Victorian era, in a city so far separated from, again, everything to do with Hershel, that if you were to just watch their story by itself and take the professor and Luke out of it, and you knew nothing about the series, you could reasonably argue that it isn’t from a Professor Layton game at all. What I mean is that Anton’s story could be an entire anime all on its own surely it’s not obvious how badly I want that, nope, not at all, completely separate from this series, and it would work; it could be its own period era-esque drama series, still with all the supernatural shit intact later on. I can think of a few existing anime similar to what I’m imagining.

And I really do think it would be amazing, because like I said this story is terribly, terribly dark, and sad; as a PL game, like a lot of the other ones, it can’t go deep into the nitty gritty of what makes Anton’s story so fucking depressing, but just like... Imagine it. Imagine being alone, for so long in that castle, so long that you don’t even know how long it’s been anymore, with virtually no one, after having your heart broken and being abandoned by the person you loved the most, and who you thought loved you, and getting no closure about it. This long post goes a ton of detail about Anton’s character and things he was probably feeling/reasons for his behavior, but in short, Anton’s mother is never mentioned, so combined with how distant he was from his father and the fact that he feels alone in his role in society and that no one truly sees him as a real person, it’s quite possible that he clung to Sophia unconsciously as a mother figure, and, in general, she was the only person who made him feel seen, and loved. The only exception was Beluga, but Beluga leaves the town and Anton behind after quarreling with their father, so... It’s just extremely apparent when you read the diary entries and his dialogue (with the voice acting) that Anton was always alone and terribly insecure, and that Sophia made him the happiest he ever was - and so her leaving him was devastating to him. He was alone for fifty years (and who knows how long it actually felt, to him), in a lonely castle and emptying town, his entire family either left or dead, his body slowly aging without him even knowing it, while he had a daughter and granddaughter born without even knowing it, and all the while he’s left with the misunderstanding that Sophia might have loved someone “better” than him all along, never getting answers, having to live with all that grief and guilt and blame and jealousy and self-hatred over a situation that wasn’t even entirely true. Imagine what your MENTAL STATE would be like, jfc it’s a miracle he’s as sane as he is in the game!! Not to mention everything that crashes down on him within TEN MINUTES AT THE END. Yes, Unwound Future and the prequels very purposefully heap the angst on with Clive/Dimitri and Descole respectively, like “we are trying so hard to make you feel for this guy cry cry cry” and I fall for it like the trash i am love them too, don’t get me wrong, but Anton’s tragedy is much more understated but in my opinion is by far the absolute saddest of them all. I just... i’m crying y’all, this poor man. give him a fucking HUG. Anton Did Nothing Wrong 2k20; he doesn’t even hurt the people he lures in with his vampire scheme!! he lets them go without a scratch!!! what a guy... give him a hug and blankets please i love him so much, him and Sophia- *sobs*

and also as a side note, I honestly think Descole/Desmond would fit perfectly into this game for a lot of these reasons, in the trend of “trying to fit Descole into the first trilogy”; he’s got the right Aesthetic™ for one thing, but mainly just he and Anton have a LOT in common...! actually, now that I think about it, Randall and Anton do too, but I much prefer the notion of Descole and Anton interacting. honestly, I’m toying with the idea of an AU where Desmond and resurrected Aurora end up in Folsense and solve that mystery themselves instead of Hershel and Luke; i think it’d be fascinating.

However, by the same token, as much as I LOVE this game and characters for all of those reasons... it also makes no fucking sense ahaha. How the FUCK does the gas work. The illness that started killing people when the ore was first unearthed and is the reason everyone starts leaving, is THAT from the gas I assume?? but like why?? cause eventually it just turns to making the town appear as it was years ago and keeping people young, so...? ARE ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE NOT ACTUALLY THERE, OR THEY ARE AND ARE JUST YOUNG LIKE ANTON; I’m still not clear on this!! because Hershel at the end says they’re illusions, and yet when you talk to the npcs so many of them complain about being tired and feeling old, so what is the truth!! It would make sense if newcomers see the town as it is in the pictures, but there’s no reason for them to not age... in fact, I don’t understand where the not aging thing comes from at ALL, since if the idea is that the gas makes what you think will happen happen, how tf did that even come about in the first place??? There’s no way everyone who inhaled the gas would think the exact same things and have the exact same hallucination. And if fifty years passed in reality, how long did it feel like to Anton/others; surely it couldn’t have been that long if they never questioned why they weren’t aging? If the gas in the box put Schrader in a coma, what was his theory about what would happen? Why does nothing happen to Hershel and Luke upon opening it when they clearly assume something will happen? Related to other things, how does the box become the source of a rumor, and how does Schrader even get it? Do people just assume Anton is dead or otherwise gone, or do they know/assume he’s still in the castle but don’t try to see him because of the vampire? Does Beluga know Anton is still there, if he does it’s pretty shitty of him to ignore him, and why does he think the box has to do with the fortune of all things if he possibly knew Sophia wanted it and knew it had something to do with her and Anton (seriously I don’t understand Beluga, I really wish they’d done more with him; he looks so shitty even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he knew the least amount possible)??? Did Sammy know that the drugged flowers related to getting into Folsense? Did Katia know how to get into Folsense, and what was she planning to do if she never found the box in order to prove she was who she said she was? Why do some of the npcs act like they know the deep dark secret of Folsense and keep saying Hershel and Luke don’t need to know, and keep talking about the town being cursed, like do they really know the truth?? Or not??? LEVEL-5 I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I’M TOO DUMB TO FIGURE OUT THE ANSWERS. EVEN LAYTON VS. WRIGHT’S STUPID REVEALS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THIS AAAAAHHHH

anyway DB best game anton hot Even with all the weirdness though that makes this game the most Layton the Layton series has ever Layton’d lmao, I still love Diabolical Box so damn much. I love it so much, guys. It’s not part of a huge narrative, it’s not connected to the main characters; it tells its own little story and it does that perfectly. It’s so unique from all the rest, like I said, the plot has so much depth I don’t really see talked about, Anton and Sophia’s story is so beautifully tragic and underrated on a mature level that none of the other games really reach, and despite how upset I am we don’t get to see more of them, their love story is so impactful and emotional just from what little we do see, despite some of the oddities of how it plays out... they’re so sweet together and I cry so damn much over them ಥ⌣ಥ Iris is one of the most beautiful and touching songs in the series, too, and my favorite. And I’m a sucker for the Victorian era and cute romance lmao, so it just gets me like nothing else does... it’s so wonderful. saddest PL game, I will die on this hill. Even if I seem to talk a lot more about some of the other games/characters simply because there’s more content to talk about and there’s more to say about the more flawed content. you can’t improve perfection *chef’s kiss*, deep down, I think, this game will always be my favorite. ❤️

#professor layton #professor layton spoilers #meta #'thoughts post' more like Dana Rants An Entire Novel of Feels #but what is tumblr for if not this amiright #anton and sophia utterly destroy me and they always will #there's not much shown but what IS shown is so goddamn devastating and painful and bittersweet #i don't ship much but they're one of my otps so u know they good :')#i wanted to say even more here but i felt so guilty for how fucking massive this post was alksdfkfl;ss i cut some of it out already #i can kinda relate to Anton though tbh.... not getting closure on a relationship ending is truly painful; it's one of the worst things ever #so i feel for him </3 #and i love him #protect anton herzen always #and stan DB always

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purplesurveys · 3 years ago

Text

1195

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

—:: Who ::—

... was the last person you saw face to face? I passed by my brother last night when I had to go to the kitchen to fill up my tumbler.

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Angela; I was just asking her for the difference among A4/A5/A6 since I’m now planning to buy a binder and sleeves for my rapidly increasing collection of photocards and postcards. It really frustrates me that A4 is the biggest one and A6 the smallest :((((

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kata, my manager. She filed a half-day leave last Friday to get herself and her family vaccinated in her town, so she had sent me over a very long to-do list of deliverables that she asked me to fulfill while she was out. Eventually she ended up filing a whole-day leave since she felt feverish after being under the sun all day, and also possibly from side effects of the vaccine, so I ended up carrying the entire workload for the day. I like Kata and she’s a very easy person and superior to work with, so I honestly couldn’t complain about it.

... was the last person you lent something to? Ooh, I don’t remember. I don’t really lend people things.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Andi was just sharing to me their worries about taking the LAE (scheduled for today) and how they’ll be okay if they don’t pass.

... is the tallest person you know? Jo is like 5′7″ and we all look like beans when standing next to her. One of my uncles is also very tall; around 5′10″ or 5′11″ if I’m not mistaken.

... the shortest person you know? I think Aya? That’s just a smart guess, though; I haven’t seen most of my friends in more than a year.

... your oldest (in years) friend? Mik is turning 28 this year. Sometimes I forget just how much older he is than me since we vibe really well together during the rare times we did get to hang out. I’m still bummed we never got that smoke break we wanted to have.

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Angela.

... is your youngest friend? Hannah was born in 2000. Peter was born in 2001 but we aren’t that close yet.

... is your newest friend? I haven’t made any new friends recently. Stan Twitter is lonelier than I thought it would be; everyone is already friends with everyone so it’s hard to break that space. Not to mention everyone is also grossly younger than I am – I keep seeing profiles with ‘2004′ on their bio :/ I should start making an effort to look for older ARMYs lol, I definitely feel like I’d have more fun that way.

... is your closest relative? My eldest cousin on my mom’s side, my Kuya.

... was your favourite teacher? My music teacher from high school. I neeeeeever liked music as a subject and it was never a priority of mine, but she always kept our classes something for me to look forward with her advice and the way she was always able to make lessons interesting.

... was your least favourite teacher? Those who made it clear they didn’t like me, even though I didn’t do anything to deserve such hostility.

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? My siblings and cousins since we all lived together at one point.

... knows you the best? My two best friends.

... always beats you in games or sports? Andi would probably be able to beat me in any game. They just let me win because they know I can be a sore loser.

... who is the most creative of the people you know? My family is pretty artistic and I have a lot of talented relatives - my sister and my cousin Maggie paint and draw; my mom can make any kind of craft she wants, with her hnds; and one of my grand-aunts regularly does paintings. I think all of them are amazingly creative in their own way.

... is the funniest person you know? Probably Andi. Hans makes me crack up too.

... is the most organised that you know? My mom.

... that you know has travelled the most? My dad. Both our fridge doors are filled from top to bottom with magnets from places he’s travelled in due to his line of work. He’s toned down quite a bit in the last few years and has taken to staying within Asia, but back then his traveling history was super expansive – Germany, Jamaica, Italy, Belize, Aruba, Italy, France, Monaco, Denmark, Norway, the UK, US, Estonia, Portugal, etc.

... has always been there for you? Angela never left my side.

... has given you the most personal gift? I can’t possibly pick, my friends are pretty good at giving me gifts...like Andi getting me a Petals For Armor CD and a Punk shirt that hasn’t been produced in a while, and Angela giving me a personalized Friends mug because she knows I like my coffee and she knows I like Friends.

... has an annoying laugh? I don’t think anyone I know has an annoying laugh.

... never forgets a birthday? That would be me.

... do you live with? My parents, my two siblings, and our two dogs.

...,do you have the most in common with? I’m not so sure about this one, actually. I share bits of my personality with a lot of people - like me and Jo liking BTS, me and Andi liking wrestling, Blanch and I having similar personalities, me and Laurice being super meticulous when it comes to our work, etc. - but I haven’t met anyone who’s virtually a duplicate of mine when it comes to my traits and interests.

...is the sportiest person you know? I’m also not sure. Most people I know are into watching a bunch of sports, but none of them actually play.

...was your last missed call? It was an unknown number that I kept ignoring because THEY WOULDN’T TEXT WHO THEY WERE. If you have enough load credits to call me multiple times, then surely you can text me and introduce yourself first, and maybe then I can pick up the phone.

...did you last open your door for? My sister knocked last Friday because someone wanted to talk to me via landline. It was weird since no one calls via the phone anymore, but I have a gut feeling it was that ^ same person who had been trying to call me through my phone but never texted me. Eventually I learned it was one of the bloggers I’m talking to for work who just wanted to ask a few questions about our ongoing engagement.

... has your heart? Kim Taehyung. Expect the same answer for this type of question moving forward.

... has your respect? I gotta hand it to Tina for consistently doing well in her studies and excelling in every subject while doing photo and video editing for two orgs, working on her thesis, and being a board member in our mutual org, all while living alone. She does so well I wish I can tell her to give herself the occasional break to avoid burnout.

...do you share a special song with? I don’t think I have that with anyone.

...do you miss right now? Literally allllllll my friends.

...last made you angry? It’s been a while since I’ve directed my anger towards another person. When I get pissed off these days it’s usually over a situation that goes awry or out of my control.

...did you last buy a gift for? So this was not technically meant to be a gift, but what happened was I accidentally secured two orders of the same poster set, which was a part of this new BTS photobook coming out later this month, from two different shops. One of the shops merely posted an ‘interest check’ for the poster set so I signed up for it thinking it was harmless, but when they got back to me they already attached an invoice :/ I ended up having to pay for it just so things won’t get complicated between myself and the shop anymore; and I told Angela she can just keep the extra set I bought and that she can consider it a gift.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? My family and technically my workmates since I didn’t file a leave that day. I also had food delivered to their house so I guess that can count as my ‘celebration’ with them.

...have you gone to a concert with? I went with Angela for my first Paramore show.

...can make you laugh? Anyone can tbh. It’s not very hard to make me laugh.

...has taught you how to do something? Nina taught me how to embroider and do basic needle/thread skills back when I was still getting into the hobby.

...has lost something of yours? I am almost certain my ex never kept the handwritten letters I used to write her. She never seemed to remember or bring up the things I wrote.

...has broke your heart? Gabie but I’m over it.

...has stood you up? Hasn’t happened to me before.

:: What ::

Is your favourite colour? Pastel pink.

Can you do that most your friends can’t? Type fast, apparently.

Is your birthday? April 21.

Colour eyes do you have? Dark brown/black.

Form of transport do you take to work/school? I work from home. But under normal circumstances I would drive my car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? I connect my Spotify to the car’s Bluetooth and listen to whatever artist or playlist I’m into at the moment. The music I put on could also depend on my current mood for the day.

Languages can you speak? Filipino and English. I’ve also been able to pick up looooots of Korean phrases and expressions because of the amount of content I watch. I’m nowhere near fluent, of course, but I’m increasingly able to pick up what people say based off a few Korean words I’ll hear in a sentence.

Was the last thing you drank? Continued from idk. I finished off my glass of water from dinner.

Was the last thing you ate? My mom made pasta.

Time did you wake up this morning? Depends on how late I slept the night before and how tired I was, but it usually ranges between 5:45–7:30 AM.

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re white.

Drink do you usually order when eating out? I never order drinks unless I’m at La Creperie, in which case I always get their San Gines hot chocolate; for everywhere else that isn’t a bar, I just get water.

Food can you cook well? ...I can’t cook.

Animals have you had for a pet? Dogs, rabbit, lovebirds, goldfish, and technically a cat but she was mostly Nina’s.

Are your initials? RC.

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I’m still kind of stuck at home during the weekends :/ so I can’t do much, but I’m not complaining since I actually prefer staying in these days. Anyway, most recently I’ve taken to catching up on BTS content I’ve missed over the last 8 years, so I like watching shows they’ve done like Bon Voyage, Run BTS, etc.

Movie do you know line by line? Two for the Road, TITANIC, and probably most of White Chicks.

Band(s) have you seen in concert? Paramore, One Direction, a bunch of local bands.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? It’s usually food - I like giving myself a feast every Friday night - but I’m putting that in the backseat for now as I’ve realigned my money to be spent on BTS merch. My big purchases are saved for the albums for now, but every now and then I’ll see a postcard or photocard I like and buy them. Once I complete the albums I’ll be moving on to the concert DVDs, then the special packages, then probably BT21 plushies. Needless to say I have a longggggg way to go haha.

Colours your phone cover? I have a clear case.

Part of the world would you love to visit? Another continent would be nice.

Question do you dislike being asked? Even though I know people mean well, I don’t like being asked “How are you?” but tbh it’s more of a me thing because I just never really know what to say.

Subject were you good at in school? History.

Careers do your parents have? They both work in the hospitality industry.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? For clothes clothes I’m not really loyal to a particular brand; I buy from different brands and shops all the time. But for shoes, I like sticking to Nikes.

Chocolate bar is your favourite? Not a big fan of chocolate bars. I love Reese’s Cups, though.

TV show have you watched every series of? Friends, Perfect Strangers, Breaking Bad.

Radio station do you listen to the most? It’s a little hard to tell at this point considering I haven’t driven regularly in over a year. But back when I used to do it, I usually flipped among 93.1, 99.5, and 87.5.

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts. Find them a tad bit boring.

Is your favourite dessert? Macarons or cheesecake.

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? Ride a bike.

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? Loyalty, thoughtfulness, honest, sensitive to my needs and those of others, and intelligent.

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? ^ Pretty much the same thing.

Size pizza do you usually order? Family size usually.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I’ve been getting Japanese so many times recently. I rarely go outside sushi.

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black and white, and colors that were in at one point like mustard yellow and pastel pink.

Toothpaste brand do you use? Colgate.

Sounds can you hear right now? My insanely loud aircon.

Is the weather like today? Like hell. I believe we’re reaching a heat index of over 50ºC every day now, so...that’s fun. It gets absolutely difficult to work in the afternoon when the temperature is at its most brutal, and its times like this I wish I got to work in the office so that there’s aircon and I could at least work comfortably :/

Are your plans for tomorrow? Just work and have tons of meetings, the usual.

:: Where ::

Do you keep your phone when not using it? I keep my phone near me even when I’m not using it since I could always get an important notification.

Were you born? Manila.

Do you go to unwind? Most days it would be the rooftop, but under normal circumstances I like staying at a coffee shop somewhere to escape life and my responsibilities for a short while.

Is your best friend right now? I believe they’re both at home since they have no reason to be out anyway.

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Personally, I would just go to the Starbucks near our village lol. If I’m feeling a bit more adventurous I’d head to Katip, which is prrrretty close by but not quite.

Is the nearest restaurant? We have a McDonald’s literally right beside the village. Then besides that is a Shakey’s, and right across that is a Burger King, then the aforementioned neaby Starbucks. Just makes me realize how urbanized my town has gotten in the last few years.

Is the nearest beach? If I had to guess, the nearest beaches would be in Batangas which is 2-3 hours away, but it really depends on how fast you can drive lol. I’m not too good with long car rides so in both times I’ve driven there I had always taken 4 hours.

Did you meet your closest friend? I met Angela in grade school, and I met Andi at a local rally in my university.

Did you go for your last vacation? Tagaytay, though it was a staycation more than anything else.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? It’s like a 3-minute drive away from the village.

Did you last get an injury? I have loadsssssss of new scratches and gashes all around my wrists from playing with Cooper.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? It’s a toss-up between Aids’ or Gian’s house. Gian would probably win since I never actually got to go inside Aids’ place, and his was the first house I’ve been to that was able to literally take my breath away. OH and Shaun’s house was pretty fucking swanky as well.

Do most the local kids play? I would have no idea since I’m neither a kid nor a parent.

Have you been with your family? This is a very vague question lol...what do you mean where have we been? We’ve been to different towns around the country and several countries together, if that’s what you’ve been asking.

Did you spend Christmas last year? We visited a couple of relatives, and we also spent it at home.

Did your parents grow up? My mom grew up within Metro Manila; my dad in a city a little outside of it.

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment and always am at home.

Would you like to go right now if you could? If life had still been normal I would probably be having after-work drinks at a bar near the office.

Do you miss the most from your childhood? I’m not sure how to answer this with where.

Is the best restaurant you know? I’m still searching for it.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? It’s not that it was bad, but I’d probably never dine at 8Cuts again because their burgers are not worth the hype and are very overpriced for their size.

:: When ::

...was your last vacation? My family’s last legit vacation was in August 2019; but we did have a quick escape to Tagaytay in January of this year.

...did you graduate? I officially ‘graduated’ from college in August, if you could even call it that.

...did you decide what career you wanted? Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd year of college. That was when I decided I hated journalism and preferred PR, but since PR is under journalism’s umbrella there was no need for me to shift courses.

...did you have your first kiss? Continued. Like WHEN when or how old was I when? In any case, it was in January 2015 and I ws 16.

...did you learn how to swim? Idk, pretty early on. My parents liked taking us to water parks when we were younger, so we had a lot of exposure. I’m not sure if there was ever a time where something just clicked and I learned how to swim; I believe it had just come naturally.

...did you have your first relationship? By the end of 2014.

...did you meet your best friend? I met both of them in school, but at different points.

...do you feel the most at peace? Probably when I’m able to stay at the rooftop all alone.

...do you usually fall asleep? I’ve readjusted my body clock now (I used to want to be in bed by 9 or 10 PM, lmao) and I stay up until anywhere between 12-2 AM on weekdays.

...do you usually wake up? Ranges between 6-7:30 AM.

...did you last watch a movie? September.

...did you last go to a party? Around Februaryish, 2020.

...did you last cry? I can’t really recall. The last moment I can remember was crying over Life Goes On sometime last month, when I heard it for the first time. I’m just not sure if that’s accurate or when exactly in April that happened.

...did you laugh really hard? I always have a good laugh at least once a day.

...did you buy something pricey last? Idk what you would count as pricey but I bought the new BTS photobook set when it dropped back in April. Cost me around ₱3750. I wasn’t able to buy from the first press (it sold out in like 7 minutes lol) which included an exclusive poster set, so I had to look for a local shop that was already offering the poster set separately, and ended up shelling out another ₱2200 for it...which means all in all I spent around ₱5950 for it or roughly $125.

...did you have an argument last? Earlier this evening but I don’t want to get into it as it made me cry from sadness and frustration for the first time in months.

...did you last have a sick day? May last year.

...did you last recieve a hug? I have no idea. February, I think? when I hung out with my friends.

...when is your best friend’s birthday? July 22 or September 15, depends on which best friend.

...did you learn how to drive? I started getting lessons when I was 17, but I didn’t start feeling comfortable with it until I turned 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? Around a couple of weeks ago when my dad came home with Jollibee for us.

:: How ::

Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? Three that I can remember, but I know my parents moved around a bit when I was a newborn.

Often do you shower? Every morning before my shift. I hate feeling sweaty and icky when I report for work.

Well can you cook? I can’t at all.

Many close friends do you have? I have two people I count as my absolute best friends, but I have a handful of close friends as well.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? One of each.

Often do you go swimming? I don’t swim much at all, really...I haven’t done it since 2019, so that should say enough. As relaxing as it is, I feel like the clean-up afterwards can be such a challenge lol. Like if you swim in a pool you have to rigorously wash the chlorine off of you; and if you swim in the sea you have to also be thorough about making sure you’ve removed all the sand from your body.

Many times have you texted today? I don’t think I texted today but I did spend my whole day on chat platforms.

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I don’t have super particular preferences; I just like mine on the burnt side.

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? My coffee has to be sweet for me to enjoy it. I can take black coffee/Americano; I’ll just wince a lot with every sip. No tea for me thanks.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? With a lot of food.

Are you feeling today? A little frustrated because of an argument incident this evening. But I’m shaking it off and just focusing on the release of Butter tomorrow. My first BTS comeback!!!

Serious are you about your career goals? Very.

Many rooms are in your house? In total, 9.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I was never consistent. I slacked off a looooooot in grade school; couldn’t give less of a shit about my classes then. I got a bit more hardworking in high school, but I still was a bit lax and I allowed myself to not put a lot of effort in subjects I didn’t care a lot for and that I know I would never have to use in real life, like chemistry or accounting, so there were exams I really excelled in and others that I would fail. It was only in college I started taking my studies incredibly seriously and I believe that showed in the grades I eventually got.

Close do you live to your parents? They’re like, five steps away.

Close do you live to your siblings? My sister’s literally in the room next to mine.

Sensitive to criticism are you? I know it’s something that can never be avoided, so I’m always open to hearing them, especially if it’s meant to help me. It doesn’t mean I enjoy it as it is being given.

Motivated to make changes are you? Depends on my mood and mindset.

Creative are you (1-10): -0.5.

Hard working are you (1-10): Probably a 22 if I really put my head into a task.

Sporty are you (1-10): I dunno, maybe a 6? I do like playing table tennis, but I’m pretty meh at any other sport.

Musical are you (1-10): 0.

Do you prefer your eggs? Runny yolk; scrambled; or a really packed omelette.

Often do you go out to eat? Before the pandemic, I liked eating out 2-3 times a week.

Would your best friend describe you? Not sure, I never tried asking them this. I hope it’s all nice things, though.

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? Send me photos of V. Hahahaha

Often do you meet up with your friends? ...What do you think? D:

Important is religion to you? It is not a part of my life whatsoever.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? 15 or 16, I can’t really remember.

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was maybe 6.

Tech savvy are you? I know enough to survive my own, but I obviously can’t hack into other computers or things like that.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? Buying them food.

Often do you cut your hair? I only take a trip to the salon once a year.

Often do you paint your nails? Never.

Many countries have you visited? Six.

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Just one.

:: Why ::

... did you choose your username? Because it was straightforward.

... did you take this survey? I like surveys made in categories, and this seemed interesting and varied enough.

... did you choose the career you did? I found that I enjoyed it MILES more than journalism.

...did you last leave the house? I had to go to a local LBC for a work errand.

...did you last give up on something? She wasn’t worth the effort anymore. She hadn’t been for a while, but it took me forever to realize.

...did you search the last thing you searched? I wanted to sing along to the song but it was in Japanese, so I had to look up its lyrics.

...would you give up on someone completely? Oof, I guess you can refer to one of the previous questions. ^

:: If...::

You could live in any country which would you choose? Canada.

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? I’m perfectly content with dogs.

You could be famous for something what would you like? Being known for a funny tweet would probably be enough lol. I have no desire to be famous.

You are sad, how do you combat it? I don’t really get sad anymore these days, so I can’t super remember the go-to tactics I depend on...I guess I like listening to sad songs and allowing myself to wallow in the sadness, because I know I have to accept and process my feelings first before I can be able to calm down.

You can drive when did you learn? I learned shortly before I started college, when I was 18, because no one was going to be able to take me to university when the school year started.

You could have any job what would it be? Idk, I like the one I have now.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? Somewhere with a completely different feel and atmosphere, like Norway, Sweden, Finland...that part of Europe, basically.

You could eat anything right now what would it be? Samgak gimbap :/

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? It would be a book of essays or maybe a memoir.

You had a theme song what would it be? Idk I don’t really think about this.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? Billie Eilish seems awesome and easy and fun to talk to.

You could act in any movie which would it be? No thanks.

You get married what venue would you like? Hotel.

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have one name picked out for a girl but that’s it.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? Brutalist and minimalist, with large windows, cove lights, and a lot of white space.

You could go back in time what would you change? Break up with Gab earlier.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? Could’ve been better.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? When I would die and how, just so I can have peace of mind.

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

Meet anyone who no longer lives who’d you choose? My great-grandfather, mom’s side.

:: Can ::

... you ride a bike? No, never learned.

... you ski? I’ve never even seen snow, so no.

... you bake a cake? I can try but it will probably be very clumsily made as I don’t bake.

... you sing well? I wouldn’t say that. I like singing when I’m alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m any good.

... you do your own taxes? I’ve never tried haha so I guess not.

... you remain calm in a crisis? Depends on how serious it is.

... you do first aid? Let’s just say I wouldn’t volunteer if it comes down to it because I feel like I’d commit one fatal mistake that would make the situation graver.

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? Both of their families, yes.

... you fire a gun? I’ve never tried so I doubt it.

... your parents drive? Yep.

...your best friend dance well? They’re not ‘dancers’ per se but sure, they can bust out a move or two.

...you make people laugh easily? Not everyone, but sure.

...stand up for yourself? That’s what I’m trying to learn these days.

...you do a martial art? No.

:: Would ::

You like to learn a new language? That’s always a welcome opportunity.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? We have several ones come in the country every year so yeah, I can definitely say we’ve long been well-prepared for them.

Try a new cuisine? I do this as often as I can.

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? No, I’m good now.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? In relation to the first aid question, I wouldn’t volunteer myself in case I make a wrong move.

You likely win in a game of chess? I don’t even know how it works, so no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? Easily.

#survey #surveys

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ofcloudsandstars · 4 years ago

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Hey, dear! I've missed seeing you on my dash, how are you doing? What would you say your summer has been like? Sending lots of love and good vibes!

Ahhh this is so kind! I hope you have been well too. I am working on September’s forecast but I have been a bit slow since I am tired with some stuff going on. I am working on a sacred geometry virtual gallery for the plant alchemist mentor so I have been dizzy with motion sickness throwing this gallery together before the full moon haha.

Last week I just got back from the most insane adventure that I may probably get around to writing another endlessly long post about haha. (editing this post, it turns out that THIS has become the endlessly long post about it haha so I am having a read more added). CW: sex details. It may be TMI but I added a warning before lol

Anyway I was having this mutual attraction with this italian guy I met through work who ALSO has a venus in Scorpio like me. We were going to go on a date but the world succumbed to The Plague. He returned to Puglia to be with his family as he quit the company and his apartment so he can just chill and live for free while he figures stuff out, but he was flirting with me through text all throughout lockdown and begging me to visit him when it was safer to travel so I was like: Oh yeah?!?!?! And I booked a 5 day long first date/vacation to Puglia to be with him lmaoo. Venus in Scorpio is intense as hell but we just be like that. My close aries witch friend moved to Southern Italy with her BF too for the time being so I was like ok if stuff goes south she can come save me but this guy like took me FARRR AWAY on the southern coast like 3 hours from her omg. He booked beautiful places like old medieval stone villas (omg one place had a wooden four poster bed, a stone fireplace with a cauldron and a huge color-changing hot tub jacuzzi next to the bed lmaoooo) and we ate endless seafood and went to the beach everyday. Only set back is we were NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE at ALL and it’s really sad cause yeah I got his star chart and over analyzed it before going over there but sometimes I doubt myself like ohh not everyone is their starchart to a T, like you should give people a chance. But he was e x a c t l y like his star chart.

First he has A LOT of trines like a lot of fire energy which is great. He’s super passionate, but the trines means he is too chill and positive which is nice but it means he has little motivation to do anything. (Think when there are great trine transits happening, it’s FANTASTIC for doing magic and manifesting things but those days the energy is so chill and harmonious you don’t even want to do anything and they can easily pass you by.) Meanwhile my chart?? It’s fucking SQUARES ALL DAY BABEY like Squares, Oppositions and more Squares. I have something called the grand cross on my fucking chart lmao. So that means I overthink, I can get stressed easily, my life soundtrack is just this long anxiety ridden drum and base background music as I fucking parkour through endless obstacles of racism, sexism, gender identity, fleeing the states cause it’s becoming a totalitarian government, learning a bunch of european languages and skills in case I gotta flee england next, thinking about the future, thinking about my actions in the present, thinking about how I can learn from the wounds of my past, lmao everything is thought about at least 1000 times. I also have a lot of Saturn energy my chart is Saturn dominant so there is a lot of planning, structure and organizing to me. Meanwhile since he is hosting he never has a plan and is always ‘go with the flow’ so sometimes it makes me nervous cause the first place he booked was some GHETTO sex motel that looked like sex traffic was happening in there and I was in the middle of no where with him and I was nervous like praying to the Spirits of Nature and Venus to help me work this out haha. But it was ok.

His life is so easy cause he’s like a handsome italian man with a mom that wants him to live at home with her until he finds a wife to mommy him. He never has to do any house work or really any work at all cause his parents will support him cause that’s normal in Italy. Honestly if I got with him I would never get that same treatment I would also be hauling ass in the background to cater to him and our kids until the day I die. He also doesn’t really understand what it’s like to be of a group of people ostracized by society. He is a hot cishet white man and has a whole community of good friends and a mom to support him with whatever he does.

He’s also like really traditional and was raised Christian. I told him I was a witch and he was like ohhhhhhhmyGOddddddd and thought it was fucking weird haha and I was like: YOU NEVER NOTICED ME AND ROXANNE (my aries witch friend who moved to Italy who literally wears massive metal pentagrams everyday) ARE WITCHES?! And he was like: I do not know about this haha.

Lastly about his starchart which worried me when I first reviewed it is that our natal mars are at a square. I mean I have had sex with someone’s Mars in Aries before and it was great but his sex?? Was TERRIBLEEEE!!!!!!!!! TERRIBLEEEEEEEE OHHHH MY GOD. I am going to add a CW for some sex details in case you want to scroll but like:

My Mars is in Cancer so I do like it to be sensual and cuddly with some oral action but he was like so terrible and disgusting and I feel like he probably only slept with girls in his country who may have been traditional like him and never said anything to him cause I am like I dunno how you got away with this for so long having terrible sex like this. Like so grabby and aggressive it fucking hurts like he would have left bruises and I hate that shit like sex is supposed to feel good!! I don’t mind if you grab my ass cause it’s just sacks of fat lol but my boobs have shit in them like glands you can’t be grabbing that!! And sorry this may be TMI but like I’d communicate with him all the spots I’d like him to go to cause they are the most sensitive ones and he’d just ATTACK THEM like some type of police dog sniffing hidden cocaine I am like BITCH CALM DOWN I literally would have to stop him so many times so he wouldn’t hurt me. And he once said: Oh but I like that (being aggressive in bed) and that annoyed me so much I was like: Oh so if you like aggression do you want me to grab and twist your balls in the same way? And he was like: no. lol

And then his kissing was tErrible. He wouldn’t even start out sensual he would literally just shove his whole tongue in my mouth and it’d be slimy and terrible and tastes like the ash from the weed he’s always smoking and once during sex I bent down to make out with him and he literally just stuck his tongue out in preparation I paused like: NO!!! Like omg he got me so heated I am so heated just typing this lmao. I am also really sensitive with like sensory things and have misophonia so sometimes if certain stimulations are stimulating me the wrong way I get more put off than the usual person and sex is so intimate like every time he grabbed a sensitive part of me I wanted to slap him the fuck back haha. The funniest part though is when I’d give up on him trying to pleasure me (everything was terrible, the fingering was like someone who is in a rush to get the elevator and is jamming the button impatiently; the actual fucking was like.. off beat?? And he could NEVER LAST; he gave me head once but that was interesting I felt like he was trying to karate chop my clit with his tongue lmao I was like please stop omg) I was like fine ok just lie down and I will give you head and we can get this over with.. And when I gave him head for the first time he did not moan or anything he would just say: Mamma Mia!!; and FUCKING HELL it would kill the mood but also I couldn’t concentrate cause I’d be fucking laughing just choking on him laughing like I could NOT.

-- End sex detail mention lol

Anyway I am always wary of sex with Mars in Aries people but this experience is going to make me avoid them and have trust issues haha. Anyway I got a lovely free vacation in a beautiful region with incredible food. His friends were nice though my Italian is really terrible and nonexistent (omg also speaking about communication, he forgot most of his english so it was a challenge speaking to him haha). We were both wild as hell to do this even though we didn’t really know each other but whatever that’s the Scorpio in Venus. And in a perfect Scorpio fashion we may never see each other ever again because he may not return to London, I mean we pretty much fell out of infatuation with each other cause of the terrible sex chemistry and the only reason I have to return to that region of Italy is to see my witch friend there but there is a chance she is going to move to London again and she lives in a different city from him lol.

So yeah I have been quiet over here but this is my current life. If you want to look at the gallery I am working on it’s in it’s rough draft form but you can find it here!

https://www.artsteps.com/view/5f4946b290389d2f7d705e86

#personal #seiokona #back at it again with me never having a moment of chill lol

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lost-in-zembla · 4 years ago

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Disco Elysium or: How I learned to Stop Wallowing and Love the Game

I will now review a videogame. No real spoilers. Just very vague descriptions below.

My writing this is uncharacteristic of me. I find most writing surrounding the video game industry to be repugnant. The industry (including the media surrounding that industry) relies upon the subsumption of subcultures on the fringe into the very center of the infernal machine where the dedicated and nostalgic nature of its fanbase can be exploited for capital. It’s the same process that produces Iron Man Funko Pops. Call me a jaded and pretentious pseudointellectual poseur, but in the case of Marvel the idea that this fucking billion dollar franchise with the biggest actors in the world somehow retains this guise of this ‘geek’ subculture is disturbing to me.

(If you have played the game Disco Elysium, then you can probably already see part of why I enjoy it so goddamn much.)

I don’t mean we should gatekeep. My point is the media attached to these quote-geek-unquote industries wants to milk the same cash cow (e.g. 10 AWESOME THINGS IN THE LAST OF US 2!) Coming from an academic environment of criticism, I crave at least the appearance of an honest and thorough critique of art. In my experience, you really need to go past the surface to find any reliable ‘takes’ on contemporary videogames. That being said, there’s a lot of good work being done in the form of video essays.

In any case, I play videogames relatively often. Competitive shooters, mostly. But I suffer no story in videogames. Why would I? I read the most *genius* pieces of literature in the English language. I’m too *good* for that. So when I heard all the buzz about Disco Elysium last fall, it fell on deaf ears. Detectives? Disco? Isometry? Story-heavy. Ugh. I’m interested in none of that. But about a week ago, a friend of mine bought the game. Unlike me, he is a real adult with a real job so it was just a whim on his part, I believe. I looked at the game and, with Steam’s lax refund policy in mind, I bought it. In the past week I have put approximately thirty hours into this game. This review is a way for me to explore my own thoughts surrounding the game, thoughts that I didn’t include in my steam review (See below.)

So it was devastating, sure. And this devastation was somehow positive. One thing that I would like to make clear about me talking about this game is that it is fucking useless. Disco Elysium possesses that quality that exists in all great art; it is irreducible. When I try to explain this game to my friends, I find that my words fail to describe what’s so great about the game. Let me give you the elevator review I’ve come up with. *This game has allowed me to explore the breadth of human experience*. It’s an absolutely insane thing to say about a game. The writing, the art style, the story, the world, the RPG gameplay, they all work together to create a kind of experience that I have never encountered in a piece of art before aside from those few, fleeting moments when you feel as though you truly *get* an encyclopedic novel you’re reading (and in my case I usually don’t get it.)

I will not delve too deeply into the mechanics of the game. There are probably plenty of articles and videos that describe the game already. Put simply, the game is about choices. You can choose to solve the murder however you want. You can say absolutely batshit things to people. You can say mildly bemusing things. You can speak apocalyptic prophesies, espouse communism, conservatism, Moralism. race science.. There are moments when you genuinely *feel* like you can say anything, which is quite a feat when you really only have a few dialogue options at any given moment.

As you’ve noticed, this is not a review of the videogame. Playing this game after a tough breakup was sort of earth-shattering. I mean, not only am I navigating through a strange virtual world with its own history and culture and cosmological makeup, I’m diegetically grieving over being left by my *divinely* beautiful ex while I, the player, undergo a similar process and find similar coping mechanisms. Playing this game was like knowing the funniest clown in the world, a clown so funny that you thank him when he occasionally punches you in the chest to make you *feel things*.

The plan wasn’t to make a character whose qualities reflected my own. I just wanted to play the game. I wanted to win. It just so happened that because *I* was the one playing the game, the character essentially turned into me. It doesn’t help that I, too, have had my issues with alcohol, drugs, commitment, and mental health (in no particular order). The character ended up becoming *me* in a way that I’d never experienced before. I faced ethical dilemmas. My ideology was shaken. This game achieves unbelievable mimesis.

Here’s the wild thing: this game has changed me. I feel like a thirteen-year-old white boy who just watched The Boondock Saints and got a pretty okay over-the-pants handjob at the same time. I’m thinking about my life in terms of choices. The game enforces a kind of perspective of the world that highlights its contingency and the permanence of choices. You can, of course, save your progress in the game and reload whenever, but I found myself just sort of riding out the bad choices I made unless they were game-ruiningly catastrophic. (E.g. I had a “thought” equipped that made me fail every unrepeatable *red* check during a pivotal firefight; it was a hilarious disaster. We were essentially mowed down.) I stood by most of my bad choices. After all, I made the choice using the information I had at the time.

I am not good at this game. I absolutely bungled the investigation. I was just a pawn for forces far greater than myself. Seven people died, and I know that I could’ve saved a few of those people, if not all of them. I think about it sometimes. I think about what I could have done, how I could have gone deeper to find out what’s *really* going on, how I could take control of the investigation rather than be taken control of. Maybe I’ll play the game through again, but the first playthrough is kind of magical if you know absolutely nothing about the game like I did. If not for an absolute deus ex machina at the end, I would have been taken to the madhouse. It would have been an unbelievable failure.

During that deus ex machina moment, by the way, a goddamn tear rolled down my cheek. Yeah, I’m in a rough place, personally. But I don’t *cry* over characters in art. They’re not real. But damn if that changed. I tell you it’s changed *me*. I care more for characters. I know they’re not real but they represent something that I can relate to, no matter who they are. This game has made me think about empathy more. Maybe it’s because I dumped all my points in the emotional skills. Maybe I’d be more violent if I rolled with the physical skills. Maybe I’d feel like a superstar if that’s what I chose to pursue in the game. Disco Elysium feels open-ended enough that if you sign up for the story, the aesthetic, and the investigation itself, then you can get whatever you want out of the experience. The game, again, achieves incredible mimesis.

The mimesis is so convincing in Disco Elysium that it feels as open-ended as reality, with one caveat: you *know* it's a game. You, as a player, know that the experience of Disco Elysium is a designed one, that it was created as a sort of origami structure, that there is narrative and, god help us, *meaning*. What this game-knowledge afforded me during my playthrough was the constant sensation of synchronicity. I found myself saying “I don’t know how this element will fold into the grand structure of the game, and it almost seems impossible that it should become part of the investigation narrative.” But because I know it’s a game, I am graced with the confidence of the highly religious. Everything will come together in the end.

This is not a review for a videogame. This is a confession. I am deeply flawed and I want to change that. My worldview has been shaken because of a videogame. I don’t want to be that kind of animal anymore.

I’m trying to empower myself, to become more aware that my choices do indeed matter, have always mattered. I’m trying to be more pragmatic, to consider the things I want to do in terms of their result rather than the momentary pleasure I will derive from doing them. Now *that’s* a change for me.

I’m trying to be more empathetic, more willing to imagine the perspectives of others.

I am trying to give the world around me the benefit of the doubt. It is easy for me to think of the world as a random coincidence of matter, but if you look at the world with totality in mind everything seems to take on this Spinozan glow of divinity. The human mind is a meaning-making machine, I think. If I look at the world as fundamentally devoid of meaning, then that is still meaning. It is nihil-ism. It’s still an -ism. But if I ascribe to the world a kind of glowing potential, as though meaning were to be found in every speck of matter, then I feel invited to participate in this massive dance that we’re all a part of.

I’m trying to be more adventurous, because beneath the surface of things there seems to be a vast network of relationships, causation, possibility and, god help me, *story*. Or maybe it’s not beneath the surface of things, maybe there is no Deleuzian schizophrenic depth beneath the surface, perhaps the world is a homogenous and ever-developing surface upon which I constellate meaning and, thereby, create it. I’m trying to create a story for myself that will hold a candle to my experience playing Disco Elysium. I didn’t ask for this; it was just what I needed. It was, in a word, unforgettable.

#disco elysium #criticism #game review #videogame #video games #hire me zaum #I dont want to be this kind of animal anymore #essay

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toast-the-unknowing · 5 years ago

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Hi there, toast. Cutting to the chase: you're one of my favorite writers — not just one of my favorite fanfic writers. your short stories for the raven cycle are some of the funniest, tightest, emotionally devastating, well-crafted works of fiction i've encountered in awhile — better than a lot """"real-world, published"""" stuff. I kind of want to know more about how you got to this point. I think you've mentioned a background in screenwriting? But I don't think that's your day job? 1/?

2/? Really, I'm asking because you seem to have found a way to write regularly — to develop your chops and publish your art in a way that seems emotionally satisfying for you. to an outsider like myself, you seem to have struck a balance between living a life that pays the bills, and artmaking in a way that feeds your soul. you might not feel that way, i don't know. i'm someone who studied writing in college and am now wondering if and how i can still water that seed....

3/? when the reality is i also need to make money to live. i guess i'm curious about your life model right now, and if you're happy with the way you're currently fulfilling yourself creatively. do you want to be a """""published writer""""" someday? is your job one that is also creatively fulfilling, or is it more to pay the bills so that you can do your own creative projects in your free time?

4/4 I know my question isn't very clear, and I'm not sure it's even one question. the point is, i admire you, and you seem to be in a habit of writing creatively, even though i think you have an unrelated day job, and that balance seems mysterious and desirable to me.

Thank you for your kind words, Anon! I have attempted to write something helpful, but it got very long, so I am putting it behind a cut:

Keeping your art alive when you have to work an unrelated job is not easy. Struggling with it does not mean that you're failing, or that it can't be done, or that you won't get better at it down the road. It's also not the sort of thing where you hit equilibrium and it's all smooth sailing from there. I have gotten better at fitting my writing into my life, and I've figured out strategies and coping mechanisms and how to be better at just making myself do it even if I feel "blocked," but there are still stretches of time where it's harder to manage. Those periods don't last forever, and if it sometimes gets worse, it also sometimes gets better.

I suspect you know all of this, Anon, because you sound like a reasonable person and because you balanced writing and schoolwork, which can itself be tricky. I say it anyway because this is exactly the kind of subject where mean little thoughts like to sneak into your head and make you doubt yourself, and I think we could all use a reminder.

There are many writers who will say that you have to write every single day. Often they will say that you have to write at the same time every single day, or that you need to wake up early to write before work. These writers depress and demotivate me, because I don't actually have a writing "habit" in that there's no schedule or daily goal or set of standards involved. Some days I write a lot and some days I don't write at all. Shaming myself about that fact has never been helpful.

What has been helpful: an increased understanding of my writing process. Realizing I don't have to outline? Helpful! Realizing that generating ideas and fleshing out scenes and shaping the arc of a story and making it pretty are all different skills and some days one comes easier than the others? Helpful! Realizing that I tend to have an "a-hah" moment that tells me what the story is about, after which it's easier to write the story? Helpful! Realizing that if I can't think of an adjective or a line of dialogue or a joke, I can just put an asterisk and come back to it later, instead of halting the entire writing process until I come up with it? Helpful!

I don't know if any of these particular things would be helpful to you, because your writing process probably works differently than mine. Somebody out there absolutely does need to outline before they can write, or so I assume from the fact that it is mandated in virtually every book on writing I have ever read. You studied writing in school, so it's possible that you already have a great understanding of your process; it's also possible you have internalized a lot of other people's ideas of what you're writing should look like. Most of what I know about how I write was learned in the last few years, not in school.

It is also possible that you have a good understanding of what your process looks like when that gets to be the thing that takes up the majority of your time. In which case, you probably need to consider your life and your schedule as it is now. I know, for example, that I don't get much writing done of weekend days where I stay in bed late, even though I still end up with more free time than I'd have on a weekday, so if I want to write on a weekend I need to get up. Are there any times of day, or the days of the week, or the places where it is easier to write? What factors make it harder to write? Can you minimize those factors? When you can't, because you livelihood depends on them, can you acknowledge them as a fact of life and forgive yourself for being affected by them?

It's unpleasant but undeniable that working impacts writing. We aren't able to spend the time we'd like to on writing. We don't have the energy and focus that we had in school, when our writing was our main responsibility. Now our primary responsibility is making enough money to survive, and if that makes us sad to think about, well, it's only going to make us sadder if on top of that we try to hold ourselves to the amount of writing we'd do if that weren't true.

It isn’t strictly a numbers game where more time = more writing, which I think can be reassuring for those of us who don’t get as much time as we’d like for writing. I was unemployed or working part-time for the entirety of 2016 and I did not do more writing in 2016 than I am now. I had more time, but I was much more of a mess, as a person, and I wasn't as dedicated to writing. In a counter-intuitive way, I think it can help to have creative outlets besides writing. It does take time away from something that you already don’t get as much time as you want to do, but it means that you have a place to be creative even when the words aren't coming, a place with less pressure and lower stakes. I've done improv pretty casually for the last couple of years, and aside from the fact that I think improv in particular can be extremely helpful for writers, it means that when I've been unhappy with my writing, I could show up to improv and do a silly voice or shuffle around in a crabwalk and know that I had created something.

These are some things that have helped me write while also working: Improv. Mindfulness about writing. Mindfulness about life in general. Prioritizing my writing (guys, I watch so much less television than I used to). Therapy and medication, to be honest. Remembering why I am excited about the projects that I’m working on. Giving myself freedom to start new stories while also encouraging myself to finish old ones. Having an audience to share things with, because it is hard to write without knowing that anyone will ever read what you are pouring so much of yourself into.

It has taken me a few days to answer this, Anon, because I wanted to give a considered response, and also just because adult life! so busy! I keep coming back to the questions of whether I am emotionally satisfied with the writing I am doing, and whether I have a good balance between my writing and my work. Because I really think that I am creatively satisfied right now, and if I am mostly aware of that most of the time, I don't know that I'd really phrased it like that to myself before. If I had then I had forgotten it. And it's a powerful and wonderful thing to be able to say that to myself.

I have a degree in screenwriting, but I have never made a career of it and am not pursuing one now. The dream used to be writing for television. Before that the dream was to be a traditionally published author. Now...I don't know what the dream is. I would like to do original work again some day. I have a novel in my head that is very important to me, whose characters helped me get through some hard times, and I want to give that novel the life that it deserves. I would like to do something with my screenwriting degree at some point, although it will likely never make me money. Sometimes it feels like failure that I don't have a new dream, and that I gave up on the old ones. But for the most part, for now, I'm very happy writing fanfiction. I've written a lot of stories, particularly in the last few years, that I am very proud of.

But I don't actually have a good balance between art and work, inasmuch as my art makes me happy and my work...doesn't. I have a low-level office job in a field that I'm not passionate about or well-suited for. I don't get out of my job a lot of the things that I do get out of writing -- challenge, investment, a chance to be creative, self-direction, fulfillment, purpose. I have never worked a job where I got any of those things, and it is starting to wear me down.

To be fair: "my job pays me a decent wage and gives me great health insurance but it isn't satisfying" is a privileged thing to complain about, and I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that some people handle these situations just fine, that some people don’t mind a job that demands a minimum of energy and time since that leaves them more to put into their art. You may be one of these people! I am discovering that I am not. Getting no sense of accomplishment from my job contributes negatively to my overall mental and emotional health, which is sucky all on its own, but has the additional effect of impacting my writing.

It's a tricky problem, though. I don't, at present, want to make a living off of writing (and such a career would be precarious), but my current resume and skill set doesn't qualify me for much of anything besides the work I'm already doing (thanks, screenwriting degree). Any attempt to find a job that's more fulfilling would likely involve a big investment of time, money, and/or effort in some kind of school and training, and then...I'd be in a job that demanded more from me, and even if it made me happier than my current job does, how much would that leave me to put into my writing?

I don't know if any of this has been helpful to you. It is perhaps not a clear answer to a question that felt clear when I read it but that my mind muddled up along the way. You may find that once you hit a balance between writing and working, you don't mind the day job grind in the same way I do. You may decide that you do want to pursue writing as a career. You may still be figuring out the employment situation at all and my woes may be worse than irrelevant.

But the timing of this ask is funny; I am soon going to apply to an educational program that would prepare me for a new career in a totally different field, and the thought of how this will impact my writing has very much been on my mind. In the past when I've thought about doing anything like this, that question has kept me from going forward: won't that be less of your time, less of your energy, less of you for your writing? I think this is a real concern with a basis in truth: if I get into this program I am going to have a lot less time and energy for anything outside of it, and I will need to again adjust my expectations of what my writing can look like in my circumstances. But I think that this question is also fear and perfectionism talking, using my writing as a weapon against me, and I'm tired of it.

Balance is a funny thing. I'm actually terrible at basically anything that requires balance: biking, rollerskating, gymnastics, ice skating, you name it. I don't see how anyone pulls it off. You can lean too far one way only to fall over the other way when you try to even out. You can take a turn and suddenly the road is uphill or downhill or bumpy, and whatever you were doing before to stay upright isn't cutting it. You can be going along just fine and then, for absolutely no reason, you're wobbling all over the place. But you can also do a hell of a lot of wobbling without ever falling down.

I think it's just about...paying attention to what's happening around you. Paying attention to what you're feeling and what you want. Not getting fooled by something you're supposed to want if you don't actually want it. Figuring out the things that you need, and the things that would make your life better, and the things that you'd like, and prioritize those accordingly.

I sure hope that's how it works, at least, because that's all I've got. I might royally fuck up my life in the next couple of months, but if I do, I'll adjust and keep going. It can't be any worse than fucking ice skating.

Best of luck, Anon.

#writing #Anonymous

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sibyl-of-space · 4 years ago

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Finished a binge re-play of Ocarina of Time (3D) for the first time in a very, very long time. Long-winded thoughts below.

Disclaimer: I played the original n64 version (red blood Ganondorf and all) ad NAUSEUM as a kid. It was by far in my top 3 most-played video games, and if you all know me you know that I don’t play a lot of video games, I play the same few over and over and over and become obsessed with them. As such, OoT is not new to me. I also played the 3D version once before, but it was over the course of several years when I was in college and that was a no-lens-of-truth run for the heck of it. I have not touched either since though, so this is the freshest eyes I’ve had on the game since I was probably about 6-7 years old seeing it for the first time. Do keep in mind though that I already knew virtually all the easter eggs and secrets and story and progression and had a vague recollection of the vast majority of dungeon concepts/puzzles before going in, because this game was my entire world for many formative years.

This game has really excellent dungeons. I ranked them below because I was inspired by my friend ML’s ranking (in fact a desire to rank them myself is what caused me to binge replay this in the first place), but honestly I found all of them engaging. My least favorite was ice cavern but even ice cavern has a really cool atmosphere and an interesting concept, it’s just a bit tedious and bottle management gameplay is not particularly fun to me.

1. Spirit Temple - unlike Shadow which uses invisible walls as a mechanic to trick you, Spirit subverts every single mechanic and puzzle you've encountered so far to really throw you. It's extremely clever. The ambience and overall design is also just excellent.

2. Forest Temple - gameplay wise it is fine but as the first adult temple it REALLY sets the scale and tone for the latter portion of your adventure; the vibe in this temple is just so fucking cool. The sacred forest meadow honestly does come off as sacred, ancient, and haunted but in an ethereal way as opposed to a spooky way. Ooh, I love it.

3. Ganon's Tower - the concept is excellent and the execution is solid, the medallion portion is interesting but the gauntlet up to Ganondorf with increasingly loud organ music and hallways filled with bats and just cool fights and great atmosphere makes this one of the sickest final dungeons I can think of. I was starting to be like "eh maybe the medallion rooms are a bit underwhelming" and then I got hit with the fakeout room in Light that just won me over with how cheeky it was. All the medallion rooms felt a bit like Spirit temple with how they played with expectations, which (ironically?) made the spirit portion actually the least good.

4. Gerudo Fortress - I'm counting mini dungeons and the whole espionage thing is just SO much fun. Break into a thieves’ hideout, jump across rooftops and shoot people with your bow to sneak past them?? WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?????

5. Water Temple - okay I gotta say this replay really sold me on water temple. It's a cool concept and a fantastic atmosphere, and 3DS quality of life changes (boot swap ease of access + very clearly visually marked water level change rooms) made me actually thoroughly enjoy playing it. Also Dark Link is rightfully hailed as one of the coolest, if not the coolest, miniboss(es) in the game, so extra points there.

6. Bottom of the Well - Shadow's invisible wall mechanic is much more interesting when you can't see through them and everything is a potential trap. Falling down to the basement does get frustrating but that room where you light torches to open coffins and a FLOATING GIBDO EMERGES makes up for it, holy crap. Shadow Temple is underwhelming because Bottom of the Well already did what it tries to do but better.

7. Dodongo's Cavern - hey man I like blowing up dinosaurs this dungeon is just solid 0 complaints

8. Fire Temple - Fire Temple is also solid I just a) am so used to the original music that this version feels empty and lacking atmosphere by comparison, and b) find the above temples cooler. Shout out to dragon whack-a-mole boss fight though.

9. Shadow Temple - this suffers from being the only temple I really had completely memorized (I think my weenie friends* must have made me beat it for them as kids) so playing it this time was really just going through the motions; it didn’t get the chance to win me over because I remembered all of it and nothing particularly stuck out to me as being super clever. The boat ride, however, is sick as hell.

(*disclaimer: I was also a weenie. Shadow Temple scared the absolute pants off of me. But I clearly played it enough times that the entire thing was etched into my memory regardless, so.)

10. Deku Tree - does its job as tutorial dungeon, nice atmosphere, thats about all there is to say.

11. Jabu-Jabu's Belly - redeeming feature is using Ruto as a projectile. Throwing her at the ceiling switches will never not be hilarious. Honestly not a bad dungeon, merely gross and I like the other ones better.

12. Ice Cavern - I used to dread Ice Cavern; this time around I just found it tedious. The atmosphere is successful - it really feels cold and chilling - but not appealing enough to make up for it being dull and kind of annoying. Has the potential to be really cool if the blue fire were used in a more interesting way than “fill your bottles and dump them elsewhere.”

BUT, I feel it would be a complete disservice to my younger self and my younger self’s reasons for playing this game so much, if I focus completely on dungeons and disproportionately on gameplay in a review. Because while gameplay is a huge reason I kept going back to it (hard to want to go back to a game if it isn't fun to play), that’s not what made me love it so much, and a replay has given me fresher eyes to enjoy everything else it has to offer.

Ocarina of Time creates a world and a story that I deeply cared about, and revisiting as an adult, I find if anything I have more take-aways than I did previously. I have always really enjoyed coming-of-age narratives when done well, and this is a coming-of-age narrative done REMARKABLY well. You see dumb bratty kids doing dumb bratty kid things and then see the mature people they’ve grown into 7 years later; the game does not make the mistake of projecting a personality onto a voiceless protagonist, but it does imply a narrative arc for him (and you) regardless just through how strong and cool and awesome you get by the end and all the rad shit you’ve accomplished over the course of the game. It manages to very, very successfully make its story about other characters who DO have personalities, but also make you as the blank slate mc cool guy hero very much have a part in that story that feels very earned and satisfying.

Link doesn’t have a personality. You can project whatever the hell you want onto him or nothing at all. Ocarina of Time makes that *work*, because it doesn’t try to frame him as either ~adult in a child’s body~ or ~child in adult’s body~, it just lets you experience the literal growth from a kid who has to jump to reach ledges and has to thwack things twice with a slingshot and tiny sword, to an adult who can LAUNCH MASSIVE PILLARS INTO THE AIR and one-shot previously difficult enemies, and interpret that however you will. I think the most powerful example of this is going back in time again after doing several adult temples, and entering the bottom of the well, where you see enemies you’ve previously only encountered as an adult, and feel confident that you can tackle them as a child, too.

I really love these kinds of narratives. Where the growth of the main character is purely in the sense of you as the player becoming more adept and stronger, and the context of the story makes that mean something, but the game doesn’t try and pretend the avatar itself has a 3-dimensional personality.

I also think the balance between narrative and gameplay is excellent once it hits its groove. The beginning is very hand-holdy (Navi taught me how to open a door after I had already opened a door elsewhere because she’s scripted to do it at a specific door even though you can technically get to a later one first. lol), and I very firmly believe that with Saria’s Song as a device that lets you seek advice when you want to, it is completely unnecessary to have Navi yell at you what she thinks you should be doing. That said, the game doesn’t stop you from doing whatever the hell you want, and the number and depth of dungeons makes exploring and killing stuff by FAR the meat of the game, over the story. There is a suggested dungeon order, but you have some freedom if you’d rather do them a bit out of order, and there is a LOT of fun side stuff you can do and get rewarded for.

Most of that side stuff is an excellent way to highlight the humor in this game. If you beat Malon’s horse race record she mails a literal fucking cow to your house. Your house in Kokiri Forest. You just show up and there is a fucking cow in your house. That is the funniest thing that has ever happened in a game in the history of forever, sorry. You can race the running man, and all of the other sidequests in the game make you think there is a beatable goal you’ll be rewarded for, and the fucker just goes “lol good try but I beat you by one second. :)” You can blow up the Gossip Stones and they turn into rocketships and launch into space. After you beat the game, and have a really poignant moment with Princess Zelda where she sends you back in time, there is a completely out of nowhere dance party featuring the entire cast in celebration. The game does not try to explain this. It just gives you a dance party, and after such a bittersweet finale and such a fun and engaging game, a no-context dance party is exactly what it needs. A line o Gerudo doing the can-can? Thank you, yes please.

There is SO much that this game does not feel any need to justify in-game, that it simply puts in there because it is fun or cool or both, and I appreciate that so much. There are easter eggs out the butt (still haven’t bothered catching the Hylian Loach and I have still NEVER found the sinking lure despite following every guide in existence). Most of the temples imply some sort of greater history that is not even the slightest bit touched on. It has a very cohesive “core” game that has a start-to-finish suggested progression and a matching narrative, and it has absolute mountains of random shit outside of that it in no way pretends to justify. It explains just enough to give it ground to stand on, but no more, leaving you with more questions than answers. That ambiguity drove me nuts as a kid, but now, I think it’s also why I kept coming back. I wanted answers the game wouldn’t give me so I felt compelled to try and find them myself.

Ocarina of Time’s ending is incredible in ways I am just now able to appreciate. First of all, Zelda is like “I’m gonna send you back in time now” and pulls up the Ocarina and instead of playing the Song of Time which everything in the game implies she should, she plays Zelda’s Lullaby and hesitates just enough on the last note as you are sent back in the past - oof, that’s a good moment. The entire game you’re told about how the Kokiri can’t survive outside of the forest and suddenly they’re at Lon Lon Ranch having a dance party. You walk away from the Master Sword and seal it back in the temple, but nonsensically are then able to meet Zelda in her garden as if nothing had happened, meaning she sent you back so far it erased not just the adult timeline but also everything you accomplished as a child too? So many questions, but the fact that it does not even bother to answer them and just leaves you with such an open-ended image of you and Zelda as kids, calling back to that very early moment after the first dungeon in the game, and you can interpret for yourself what exactly that means.

I’m getting rambly (HAHA as if I’m ever not) so I should wrap this up shortly. Ocarina of Time’s ending is why I am so vehemently opposed to the concept of a ~Zelda Timeline~. The ending is nonsensical if you try to apply concrete logic to it. This game proposes ideas and makes me feel a certain way about them and the ending succeeds in providing just enough closure to make me satisfied and just enough open-ness that makes me want to keep coming back to it to experience it again. It’s not an open-and-shut piece of history of a fake world, it’s a really remarkable journey thats ambiguity is what allows it to feel so very magical.

Ooh boy I can’t wait to replay MM again, but that is a game I’ve never stopped playing, so it’ll be anything but fresh. It hits different right after completing OoT, though. The only way to follow up on a story like Ocarina of Time is to be even MORE batshit, ambiguous, and loose with your definition of how time works.

#analyses #ocarina of time #i have a LOT of thoughts it is very long

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mellz117 · 5 years ago

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Hello all and welcome to part 4 of my playthrough of KH2 on the PS2. If you haven't seen the previous entries please go do that.

[ _1_ ] [ _2_ ] [ _3_ ]

To recap: The Wonders of Twilight Town are boring as hell. We spoke to Namine again, Roxas finally realizes his life this week is a lie and starts to remember his life in the Organization. DiZ is racist against Nobodies but we already knew that. Roxas and Axel fight, I wanted to cry. Roxas meets Sora in his sleeping pod before disappearing, I wanted to cry.

And the adventure continues

I wanna know how Sora wakes up in the real world when Roxas merges with him in the virtual one. How in CoM does Sora go to sleep in Castle Oblivion, the whole-ass chamber and then some get transferred to Twilight Town, Roxas meets him in a virtual version of the mansion, and Sora wakes up in the real mansion in KH2? Nomura please explain this series. Is Final Fantasy ever this convoluted?

Donald and Goofy call out to Sora and we're once again reminded this is a Disney game. I don’t know why but the fact that Disney owns the original Kingdom Hearts characters bothers me. It means, unless DISNEY gives the OK, Sora will never be in Smash Bros. and that makes me sad.

I don't know much about comas but after a year of total inactivity, wouldn't your muscles atrophy like, A BUNCH? At least is wasn’t 7... OR VENTUS WITH A WHOLE DECADE WTF?

Again WHY COULDN'T JIMINY JUST KEEP EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN CHAIN OF MEMORIES WRITTEN DOWN IN HIS JOURNAL INSTEAD OF A CRYPTIC MEMO TO THANK NAMINE?

The trinity trio wanders out of the mansion, loot some chests, and find their way to the back alleys of town.

Hayner is rude RIGHT outta the gate, wow. Ok I remember that Pence actually met Roxas in Days, and so to me he seems to recognize Sora through his memories of Roxas despite the two sharing like, one visual similarly: blue eyes. But KH3 to my understanding reveals that the virtual versions of characters affect the real version so I dunno!! WHAT IS THIS SERIES?

"Have you finished the summer homework yet?" Olette asks Sora and his two ANIMAL COMPANIONS as if seeing two anthropomorphic animals is fucking normal in a town comprised entirely of humans and exactly one moogle.

Sora doesn't have any homework. For over a year he's been away from home and his mom couldn't make him go to school. I wonder how she's doing? Does she miss her son? Kingdom Hearts and parents don't gel.

I like how.. When Pence describes this cloaked figure who was looking for the trinity trio, as having big, round ears, they have to think about who it could possibly be. They’re not too bright.

Why is “sofa” capitalized? Also they weren't even sitting on it, neither of them were!

HAYNER IS A RUDE BOY! He tells us so ask Seifer about the town, as we are new. Bruh, if you’re this rude to us I’m sure how much worse Seifer and his posse are.

Seifer is immediately confrontational. “You here to pick a fight with us?” and Sora’s all like “No, we’re new here.” and DONALD FUCKING DUCK! INSULTS SEIFER AND NOW EVERYONE’S READY TO THROW DOWN! THANKS TO THIS DUMB FUCK DUCK!

But thank Christ big chungus appears out of nowhere and stops the children and two adult furries from causing a scene.

This dude is WAY too into the Struggle tournament. Seifer has an unwanted faaaaan! Bro, go away, you’re creeping on a teenager.

I wanna fight Seifer.

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I'm not working on this like I should be. I'm going on vacation soon and since we're all in quarantine I can't really do anything fun so this is the opportune time to catch up.

Moving on! We make our way to the train station and oh no, we're ambushed by Dusks! Because of COURSE we are. Who could've seen THAT coming? /s

I- I like how, even after hearing his voice, and seeing his fucking mousey silhouette, the gang STILL might not be sure this is their stupid rat king. One brain cell between the three of them, I swear, and Goofy is the primary carrier, and it only sometimes works.

Why do we need to purchase tickets to travel on a magical train embarking to an ethereal plane of existence? I guess it's the principal of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S CRYING!

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Pence is so cute. I didn't care much for him when I was younger but he's such a cutie.

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I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S SAD!

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It's fat cat Pete. For like ever, I had no idea he was a cat. Wonder what Maleficent saw in him to ally with him.

The trinity trio laughing about killing (or at least taking part in killing) Maleficent. "She's toast!" this sure is early 2000's dialogue...

Heartless everywhere! "You mean the worlds aren't at peace after all" well, no sweetie. It takes time for things to recover from horrible events. *looks at current state of the real world*

So like, I had no idea Yen Sid was a Keyblade warrior??? I had read about that in his Wiki page when I googled if any Keyblade warriors were left handed. (Ven might be, but more likely ambidextrous) But I guess being Mickey's teacher would imply his Keyblade wielder roots but whatever, I didn't pay attention when I was a teenager.

Yen Sid's decor is baffling. What are these bookshelves? What are these BOOKS? They're huge!

Good on Yen Sid for using singular “they” pronouns in 2005.

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On to our change of wardrobe. Without a doubt Sora's best look in the whole series, in my humble opinion. Lookit my handsome boy.

And Sora learns about drive forms, blah, blah, blah, powerful forms, gotta sacrifice something like in Duel Monsters, in this case an ally.

Yen Sid is so boring.

All seriousness and tension is just broken as soon as Goofy’s name is uttered, at least Sora and Donald have normal names wtf.

It’s interesting how like, 15 years later, Union X explains how Maleficent was able to return after her defeat. Something about, as long as someone from your original time remembers you and you have a physical object to represent you you’re able to basically some back from the dead. Right? Am I right on that? I haven’t played it but I’m hanging by a thread on this loop.

Sora’s hard work down the drain...

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Hollow Bastion! And of course there’s trouble. Heartless, Nobodies, and Yuffie, oh my!

A problem sequels have to work around is when the protagonist needs to relearn their abilities. KH does a well and good job with this one. In CoM, it’s a different battle style, in KH2 Sora’s been asleep for a hear prior.

Also, Merlin “leant” Sora some magic spells? How does that work? Like, once you learn it you can’t just... give that knowledge back...?

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How old is Leon? He has no right being this pretty.

Another ambush by Nobodies. Give it a rest, would ya? Battle ensues, Leon deals the final blow against an enemy, and as the camera usually does, zooms in on the victor and we get a nice slow-mo crotch shot of Leon. Thanks, game... Then, Xemnas’s very sexy, very manly voice echoes across town and the organization appears before our protagonists. I’m weak.

Demyx’s laugh, dude. I love it. Sora is ready to throw hands with anyone in his way. Honey, you’re barely out of a magic coma and this dude is like, two whole feet taller than you. Not to mention very fit.

I’m done thirsting over Xemnas...

After a few taunting words, the new villains depart, Donald attempts to give chase somehow? Where you gonna go? They disappeared behind dark corridors. It seems Goofy is still holding onto that shared brain cell.

The Bastard

I like the majority of the Organization. Xigbar is definitely one of my favorites based on this next scene alone. He’s so snarky and full of shit. I love it. He’s great. He was definitely a stoner at some point.

I’m confused though. “He used to give me that same exact look!” the Wiki says Xigbar’s talking about Ven but I always thought he was referring to Roxas? Did Braig and Ven have a history? That’s implied in Days (which released before BbS) IDK dude. I’m surprised I’ve gone this long without spoiling myself too much on BbS. Like, a few story beats here and there but a lot of it isn’t gonna be known until I play it.

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The dialogue for KH2 was so different from the first game. It dates itself so much in comparison.

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Xiggy stands like this for 7 whole seconds parting with a condescending “Be a good boy now!” before disappearing. I love this fucker.

Leon, who’s been sitting on the sidelines this whole time, joins Sora and the others after the real threat is gone. We chitchat for a little bit and say our goodbyes. It’s time to leave this place and move on to one of two available worlds.

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At the Beast's Castle. After fighting a hoard of Shadows, the least intimidating enemy in the series (although the demon tower in kh3 is quite frightening nlg), the Beast himself makes his appearance, takes out the Heartless that suddenly stop multiplying upon his arrival, disgracefully shoves his supposed friends aside, and takes his precious rose to the west wing, which is where it SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. ADAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

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No joke one of the funniest actual gags in the whole series is:

*Donald Duck manhandling Cogsworth*

Cut to Sora saying "I'm glad you're OK." to Lumiere

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OK the minigame where you gotta light the magic torches, why do we have to make sure Cogsworth has enough strength to keep the lever down when we have two perfectly capable companions that can hold it down instead? I remember this sequence being a lot more annoying when I was a teen.

Xaldin's voice makes me feel things. Ahhh he sounds so tired lol. He peaces out and we fight the Beast. I remember getting him to calm down being harder.

"Xaldin used my anger to control me!" Says Beast. He angers very easily so this must have been a cinch. Xaldin's been obsessed with him since Days so I would imagine this intel would come in handy.

More fodder to fight and on to the boss. Phase one is just an angrier version of the Darkball Heartless. Phase two is just skinny Ganon. I like its design though.

“Belle, I’m sorry. I wasn’t myself, being all rude and overall kind of a jackass to you and my servants” Except that’s kinda how you’ve always been lmao. Just because you couldn’t choose not to be an ass here doesn’t change that this IS in character. Still gotta work on that a bit.

“You don’t have to apologize” No, no he still does.

They all reconcile and the Trinity Trio departs until Xaldin shows up again to wreak more havoc.

Time to move on to the next world.

#mellz plays kh2 #Kingdom Hearts series #Kingdom Hearts 2 #square enix #disney #PlayStation 2

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melodramaticfanatic-blog · 6 years ago

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Fic Recommendations

Since my own writing is

right now, I thought I’d put out some things I’ve been reading while waiting for my emotional and creative processes to get their shit together. (And yeah, they’re mostly Bucky. I regret nothing.)

If You Leave Me Now from @sugardaddysebby - Summary: You realized your marriage with your husband Henry had run its course when you discovered his various love affairs. You wanted to leave him but not without giving Henry a little taste of his own medicine involving his preferred mechanic Sebastian. Pairings: mechanic!Sebastian x reader, rich husband!Henry x reader - This is SO GOOD. Mechanic!Seb is such a mood. Smut involved

Let Me Love You Another from @sugardaddysebby - Summary: Working as a waitress in New York doesn’t really pay the bills. One of the regulars has grown fond of you and wants to help you monetarily. He’s not from that side of town, more of the upper east side, and more importantly, he wants to be your sugar daddy. Pairing: SugarDaddy!Sebastian Stan x Reader - Another that is SO GOOD...with more smut 😁

Fly Me to the Moon from @jaamesbbarnes - Pairing: Pilot!Bucky Barnes x Stewardess!Plus Size!Reader Summary: When you signed up to be a Flight Attendant, you thought that the worst things you could hear were comments about your weight that doesn’t fit standards. But you had no idea that the worst part of your job would be Bucky Barnes, his charming ways and his knowledge for your sweet tooth. Warning(s): Fluff, teasing, slight mention of eating disorders and self-depreciation, language, mention of sex. - I can’t even with this series and it just started! 😍 Protective pilot Bucky is everything I didn’t know I needed

Curves and Edges another by @jaamesbbarnes - Pairing : Lance Tucker x Plus size gymnast reader Summary: In desperate need to blow off some steam after work but too broke to afford proper advanced classes, you ask your gymnast friend if you can practice aerial silks at the gym she goes to. Little did you know her infamous coach Lance ‘the fucker’ Tucker would also make your life a living hell. Warnings: fat shaming, language, Lance being his dick self, teasing, usual mutual pining, and maybe definitely smut at some point 😉 - I am a ho for some Lance Tucker despite his being a huge dick...and this was dick Lance at his best

His Best Girl from @stuckydealer - Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Bucky Barnes was a man that grew up with very little, so when his bank account suddenly had more digits than he’d ever imagined, he didn’t know what to do with it. Until you. - Sugar daddy Bucky has now become my relationship goal. This is a work of art and I’m addicted despite there only being a prologue and 1 chapter so far.

Espresso from @whyisbuckyso - Summary: In which your best friend’s brother begins to set you up on dates when you mention that you haven’t been in a relationship in years, but things don’t go as expected. - The nickname, the pining, the dates!! This series is EVERYTHING! Plus I am dying to know what’s on the cups!?!?

Everything has Changed by @buckyywiththegoodhair - In which everything changes when you discover Bucky’s true feelings for you in a very unconventional manner. - This series yanks my heart out of my chest and feeds it to me and I’m just like...yes, thank you. More please.

Make Me Believe from @imhereforbvcky (which won’t tag for some reason) - Summary: You keep meeting Bucky Barnes in unexpected places around campus and he keeps acting like you know each other, like you’re dating. As your friendship grows, you find yourself wishing he’d do more than pretend. - He can pretend we’re dating anytime.

Tripping for You from @bloodiedskirtts - Summary: It’s Y/N’s sophmore year of college, and she’s never had a boyfriend before. But all that will change when her best friend Steve finds out about her crush on him. Determined to prove she doesn’t care for him, bad boy Bucky Barnes comes up with a genius plan. To prove she’s over Steve and he’s not “pussy whipped”. Warning: Fake Dating, Angst, Smut in some chapters so 18+. The NSFW chapters will be marked with an * A/N: Based on the book/film To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before - I read this before seeing To All The Boy’s I’ve Loved Before and tbh I liked this better 😝

The Avengers Read Thirst Tweets from @bucketbarneslove - Summary: The Avengers were told that doing this video would be good press, but considering that Peter Parker is the only one who has actually read a thirst tweet before, most of them are in way over their heads.Warnings: Some mostly tame thirst tweets, occasional swearing - Some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read. It captures everyone PERFECTLY

Master list of @propertyofpoeandbucky - I’m just gonna give you the whole enchilada on this one cause I’ve read basically the whole thing. Though I will point out In Front of the Camera as that is going on currently and is AMAZEBALLS

Break a Leg from @sunshines-fics-legit - SUMMARY: When Y/N is running late for an interview for her dream job, she runs into none other than Chris Evans (literally). After some brief moments of panic, and one ruined shirt later, he manages to help her through the ordeal. Although, not before someone at the company she’s interviewing for recognizes him and alerts the staff he’s there. With you. After Y/N gets the job due to this misunderstanding, Chris decides to take on a role at the company to keep the charade going. Friendship, general hijinx, and even a little romance ensues. - Cute Chris Evans is cute. I like it a lot (in Dumb and Dumber voice)

Love Retreat by @captainrogerss - Summary: When you’re invited to a couples’ retreat at work, you say yes to avoid further embarrassment, despite being tragically single. When you tell your friends about the situation you’re stuck in, Bucky comes to the rescue, offering to pretend to be your boyfriend and also have himself a free vacation to the Cayman Islands. (Fake Dating AU) - So I might, maybe, have a little thing for fake dating? BUT IT HURTS SO GOOD

Soap Dish by @buckyforbreakfast - Pairing: Bucky Barnes x ReaderSummary: You thought Bucky just had a thing for your soap, turns out he just had a thing for you.Warnings: nudity, bathing together, language - It’s too cute. I can’t handle it

Helping Hand(s) from @becaamm - Summary: You and Bucky had been sharing a room since the two of you got into college, and he knew more about you than you’d let people on. That included a bit of your sexual life - or, more accurately, the lack of it. When you can’t reach your orgasm alone, he offers you a pair of helping hands. Warnings: Alternate Universe – College/University, Roommates, Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk - The kind of friend every girl needs really.

Lance Tucker’s Sex Coaching by @lancefvcker (also won’t tag) - Summary: After your only ever boyfriend decides its time to call it quits, you’re very reluctant to get back out into the dating game. Especially with your inexperience in the bedroom. But when your roommate and best friend Lance Tucker offers you sex lessons, who are you to deny such an opportunity? Warnings: Very NSFW (duh?) - I don’t know what to say beyond DAMN!

Fight For You by @revengingbarnes - Brooklyn, New York. At the annual local boxing championship, Y/N is the leading medical specialist on call. It’s a whole new environment, and despite the drastic change, she loves it. Bucky Barnes is the reigning boxing champion of Brooklyn. Virtually undefeated, this tattoo artist by day, boxer by night is someone that is now fighting his way into Y/N’s head. And she’s helpless in front of his winning streak. Pairing: Boxer!Tattoo Artist!Bucky x reader - I just... UGH!! 😍

There’s about a million others that I can’t think of or find right now so don’t be surprised if I get around to posting more suggestions. Go read!!

#fic rec

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minnie-marvel · 6 years ago

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Crown Fell (Peter Parker x Reader) Part 3

Asgard has been destroyed and the time has come for you to live on Midgard with your brothers Thor and Loki. They’ve decided in order to live among humans you must learn to adapt to them, and what better place to do that then highschool? Don’t worry too much though, a very cute Peter Parker is ready to teach you and might be the Prince Charming you never thought you’d find on earth.

Peter Parker X Asgardian princess! Reader

Words:2,417

Part 1 Part 2

A/N: i love calling peter a spiderling its the funniest shit. ALSO CAN I JUST SAY I’M LIVING FOR BIG BROTHERS THOR AND LOKI???

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As Tony rolled up the divider between your family, him and Peter, he heard Peter sigh tiredly. Peter couldn’t help but stare at you through the rearview mirror as you told your brothers about your eventful first day at Midtown Tech. It wasn’t that his image of you was skewed now, he just knew that maybe trying to hang out with you would be a lot harder and make him a lot more susceptible to a mysterious stabbing, or a thunderclap to the face. He shot a look of betrayal to Tony.

“When were you going to tell me?!” He hissed under his breath.

“I did tell you! Don’t you remember kid?” Tony asked a knowing smirk playing on his lips. Peter crossed his arms and looked out the window as to not draw attention to himself as he murmured.

“All you told me was that I’d be meeting someone that I have to protect today! I assumed you meant at the compound and you know, not my high school!!!!”

Tony let out a laugh.

“It's not that big a deal kid, Y/N, may be an Asgardian princess, but she’s still a teenager!! Thor and I just want her to be able to adapt to Midgardian life seeing as Asgard went to hell according to Thor and Loki,” Peter’s eyes scanned to yours while you weren’t paying attention, wrapped up in the company of your brothers. He wondered how you were able to seem so composed and collected in school, despite having so much going on in your personal life.

“So when you say I’m supposed to protect her…” Peter trailed softly giving Tony a side glance.

“Thor says that there are still enemies of Asgard out to kick them when they’re already down. They both just want to make sure their baby sister is going to be alright here,” He glanced over his glasses to look at Peter’s conflicted figure.

“Y’know kid I’d take it as a compliment, it’s not every day that the gods of thunder and mischief trust people to help them, let alone someone as close to them as their sister.” He said before turning his eyes back to the road while driving.

“Don’t stress yourself out you’ll get grays.”

Loki let his nose scrunch up as you described lunch to him and Thor. “They made you eat what?” He asked nearly gagging.

“I must admit I didn’t find it appetizing either… so I’m famished.” You confessed laying back in your chair your stomach growling.

“And this… flash, he seems like a burden,” Thor said with a shake of his head. “Be sure to let the spiderling know if he bothers you too much.” You felt your eyebrows raise. “Spiderling? Who’s that?” You saw Loki nod off at Peter who sat beyond the divisor looking bored as he mumbled an occasional word or two to Tony.

So Peter really did know Tony Stark. You couldn’t say you were surprised, contrary to Flash you didn’t think that Peter was the type to lie about himself to others unless necessary. You smiled softly to yourself. He was a nice boy, being so kind to you on your first day when he knew virtually nothing about you still made you pleasantly surprised.

Loki and Thor exchanged quick knowing glances with one another as they caught you staring at Peter. Thor wrapped his arm around your shoulders and Loki pat the top of your head drawing you out of your thoughts.

“Nevermind that, let’s just get home so we can take a moment to ourselves and relax,” Thor smiled all while keeping his eyes on the unsuspecting spiderman who stared out the window.

---

You walked beside your brothers behind Peter and Tony before you all stood in the compounds living facility standing in the kitchen. Thor roamed the refrigerator for something you could eat while Peter piped up to talk to you again.

“So…Europe huh?” He joked as you tried to keep back a laugh.

“If I knew you were an Avenger I would have told you sooner!!” You said genuinely as the two of you sat on barstools at the kitchen’s counter.

“He’s not an Avenger,” Tony chimed as he walked past the two of you.

Peter rolled his eyes as he leaned in forward to begin his assault of questions. “So since you’re like Thor and Loki’s sister, does that mean you’ve got powers too?” He asked.

“I don’t have Thor’s thunderous strength or Loki’s sly wit, but my mother has helped me with my illusions when I was younger,” you explained. You took your pointer finger letting it whir in a circle before a soft turquoise light illuminated in a ring creating the small illusion of a bee. Peter’s eyes widened before he broke out in a loud laughter.

“You didn’t!!!” he shouted staring at your illusion as the bee floated around his head. He had to admit your work was quite impressive. It fooled him and the entire cafeteria the first time, he wondered just how much you could do.

“What about the whole antler thing?? Like how Loki had when he first invaded?” He asked excitedly.

“My crown?” you asked waving a hand over your head the turquoise light creating it from the seemingly thin air. The gold crown sat on your head the sharp horns pointed backward as opposed to your brother’s and father’s crown. There were wings that framed against the side of your cheeks and went back as well to protect your face.

“I don’t really wear it often, its only for special occasions,” You explained whisking it away. “Like banquets, ceremonies, days of courtship,” you said simply with a shrug. Peter’s eyes widened but only slightly as you finished.

“Days of courtship?” His voice cracked when he asked you to explain. You nodded lamely as you watched Thor fish out some leftover french toast from the morning.

“Yes, they were always such boring ordeals but I did them for my father’s sake…” You sighed rolling your eyes just thinking back at your many evenings spent with princes of different realms and universes.

“Not many caught my eye, to be honest, I always wanted to be off with my brothers playing with them,” You shrugged.

Peter felt a lump form in his throat as he swallowed down. You were some princess alright, he wondered just how many poor souls you had turned down in your past. Before he knew the truth behind your, he would have just suggested dinner and a movie. Now he was trying to calculate in his head how much caviar might cost if he really wanted to impress you.

“None deserved your gaze my sweet sister and none do now,” Loki said putting his hands on your shoulders.Peter felt his hands get clammy. Was it just him or was his malicious gaze meant to be focused on him?

“Hey uh Odin’s angels,” Tony interjected before Peter could send a fearful gaze in his way. “A word if you will,” he said motioning to an office down the hall. “You can stay here Y/N, it’ll just be a minute, promise,” He walked ahead Thor and Loki following slowly behind.

“What is it now Stark,” Loki asked as the door closed behind them. Tony sat at the desk before pulling up a screen in the middle of the air and typing on a projection of a keyboard.

“I didn’t want to alarm you in front of your sister but I got a blip on my ETR,” he looked at the screen as he continued typing in coordinates.

“ETR…?” Thor asked his eyebrows scrunching.

“My Extra-Terrestrial Reader, it notifies me if there’s any suspicious activity from other world space crafts or portals that come into the earth. It’s what gave me a heads up when you first arrived to pick your sister up,” He explained. He pinched his fingers on a screen map of North America zooming in on a small glowing blue dot that was present in Canada not too far away from New York.

“Here’s the blip, but it’s not from a coordinate I’ve seen before,” he finished setting his arms down in frustration. “I was hoping you might know where it’s coming from.”

They both scanned the coordinates but found their minds blank as they both looked at the glowing dot curiously. Loki shook his head slowly. “It’s nothing we recognize.” He said honestly before letting out a sigh of frustration himself.

“It could be nothing,” Tony suggested. “But if it comes on my feed again it might be worth it to look into. I’d want you both with me,” he finished. “If that happens, I’m assuming you’ll want Y/N to stay here, which is fine but you should probably let her know if that’s the case.”

“No,” Loki said instantly without even registering the concept properly in his head. “Y/N has the stubbornness of my brother if she knows that there is trouble on this earth and that we’ve gone to subdue it she’ll want to come too.”

Thor nodded in agreement. “That’s not something we can let happen, Y/N is our little sister, we don’t want to throw her into any danger whatsoever.”

Tony closed the window out and folded his hands together properly as he rested his chin. “Seems like we’re all on the same page then.”

---

You placed your hands on your lap as you turned your body to Peter. You guessed it was your turn to get some information on him now. “So you’re a spiderling I hear?” You grinned causing Peter to flush red.

“Huh?? oh yeah, Spiderman!! Yeah, that’s like my alter ego when I’m helping Mr. Stark and the others out with hero stuff,” Your eyes lit up in excitement.

“You mean… Tony Stark he actually lets you come along with him in battle??” You were practically on the edge of your seat.

“Well uh yeah!!! I’m kind of like their secret weapon… they don’t call me out unless they need me,” He said puffing out his chest slightly as he stretched. Hey, it wasn’t like he was lying!! He was sort of like a secret weapon when he had that rundown with Cap. And Tony really didn’t call him out at all unless they needed him. It was just that they rarely did.

“Amazing…” You whispered starry-eyed. “I could only dream of my brothers letting me fight alongside them…” You put your face in your two hands as you leaned back on the counter.

“Well, can you fight?” Peter asked noticing your change in mood. He thought he’d have to cheer you up before you swiftly turned to him smiling as if you were happy he asked. Your arms crossed over your chest before they flashed at your sides two daggers made of a glimmering brown and turquoise marble revealing themselves to him.

“Father gave me these on my fifth birthday but I never get to use them!! I keep them on me all the time in case I need to,” You said twisting one of the knives in front of his face causing Peter to back up instinctively.

“How’d you do that!?” He asked urgently.

“Do what?”

“The- The knives Y/N!!! Like you just… whoosh!!” He said copying your movements perfectly minus the appearance of two daggers at his side.

“It’s sort of like Mjölnir, or Loki’s daggers they sort of just have an attachment to me, when I need them they come,” You said simply.

“That’s awesome….” Peter whispered now leaning forward to take a closer look at them. He noticed how smooth the skin was on your hands, how your nails were perfectly manicured as they held such a dangerous weapon within them.

“Right?? Do you want to use one and we could have a sparring match!?” You eagerly pushed the knife closer towards him causing him to back up again.

“What?? Y/N, not a chance!!! You’ll stab me in like two seconds!!” He laughed.

“Oh please, I promise to go easy on you Peter!!” You begged tossing the knife in the air catching it by the handle after it did a three sixty flip.

He rolled his eyes his shoulders still jumping up and down as he continued to laugh. “Y/N, I’d like to graduate high school without having to say I’ve gotten stabbed before,” he joked. You put the daggers away with a shrug. “Suit yourself spiderling,” you chimed.

“Spiderman!” he corrected feigning offense placing a hand on his chest. You both laughed together happily before breaking off into a silence that was filled with a pleasant atmosphere.

“School seems like it will be…interesting, and now that I have you as a friend it will only make things more pleasant for me,” You said softly full of enthusiasm.

“Maybe… I can adapt into Midgardian life…” you said just barely above a whisper. The very idea confused you, made you conflicted, even disturbed you. You still weren’t ready to give up your Asgardian life and you weren’t sure if you ever would be, but at least with Peter Ned and Michelle at your side, it wouldn’t be as terrible as you initially thought.

“Hey, if I can survive high school right now, then so can you,” Peter said placing a hand on your shoulder.

Everything stopped for a moment as your eyes landed on his hand and quickly followed his arm up to his brown eyes. You felt your chest clench with the sweet sincerity of his words, though you would never tell him.

“We’ll do it together! But like not tomorrow because it’s the weekend,” He said his teeth glimmering when he smiled. When he took his hand back you could still feel his touch on you. You pursed your lips tightly together.

“Will you be going then?” You asked softly. “I would hate to be alone here in case Loki and Thor have to leave,” Peter shook his head happily.

“I’ll be here for tomorrow, then I have to get back to my Aunt May,” he explained. “But hanging out in the tower is definitely going to be fun!! I only get to stay over if something’s really going wrong on Earth so it’s sort of like a vacation I guess?? Everything’s so expensive here and Mr. Stark lets me order pizza for dinner with WHATEVER toppings I want,” He said happily as if he were thinking about the pizza now.

“Pizza?” You asked with a small tilt of your head.

His eyes widened in shock and horror. “Oh my god you did not just say that,”

Part 4

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chaniters · 6 years ago

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Karaoke night

Sidestep goes deeper into the super-hero underworld. His friends reveal some dark secrets. Also. Sidestep at a party!

Enjoy!

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You pull your mask down as you enter, following Ortega and Anathema. You really didn't want to come, to the party, but Anathema insisted, and Ortega has been down for a while now. He got into a huge fight with Riley about a month ago, and they haven't spoken since.

You were shocked that Riley was male, you had always been convinced Ortega was straight. Perhaps he was convinced too, and that's what makes him so confused. He's had a few flings since you met him, and he's never been so bothered by a breakup before.

You take a good look around you, studying the large warehouse

Ortega has explained how this works. Twice a year, Owl and several heroes organize the party at a different location. All heroes of Los Diablos operating on the west coast are invited, even those that keep their identities secret. So you can go in with your mask if you want.

The crowd is much larger than you expected. You can see Sentinel flirting with Elyse at the back. The Answer sharing drinks with Omega. Bastion and Blast are dancing.

No cameras or cell phones are allowed. It's virtually the safest place for you.

You turn to talk to your friends.. but they're gone.

The music is too loud... you only know a handful of people here... Now you can feel them staring at you, the guy with the casted arm (or is that just your perception?).

So many thoughts... You feel overwhelmed and immediately raise your shields. You slowly creep towards a wall. Panic slowly creeps up like a cold breeze on your back.ed

But then your training kicks in. Parties. You have been thought about how they work. There are ways to change your shields.. to help yourself not be noticed so much by the crowd.

If you can concentrate then you can...

"There you are!" Anathema says bumping into you. "Come! This is going to be epic!"

"What? Where are we going?"

"To the reading contest"

"What's a reading contest?"

"Oh, you'll see" He snickers. He leads you towards an improvised stage on the other end. The owl is there talking to some people.

"Hey, Can Sidestep and I go next?" He asks cheerfully.

"Sure can" Owl answers. "We're short on victims right now. Did you find a good piece?

"YES!"

Owl chuckles. "Alright, you're next, just wait until Warhawk and Medea are done.

"What... is this?" You ask approaching Anathema.

"Oh just watch and listen"

You lean in to observe the "Reading Contest".

Warhawk and Medea each hold texts on their hand, and seems to be enacting some sort of play... it doesn't take long for you to realize the type of play they are in is not for children.

"What's.. going on?" You ask nervously.

"Fanfiction. Hero fans flood the web with all kinds of stories involving us heroes. The reading contest is just that. two or more heroes have to read their parts in the fanfiction stories, and the one who does it best wins."

"Is this a real thing?"

"Yep"

"But why is there so much... Sex in their scene?"

"Oh if you're not the best at acting, then making your opponents laugh or chicken out is the best way for them to lose. Actually, almost every fricken scene is sex. It's the funniest"

"WHAT? WHAT KIND OF SCENE DO YOU HAVE FOR US?"

"Ohhhh forgot to give you your copy. Here you go" he grins.

You scan the pages quickly.

"I-... I'm not reading... any of this!" You aren't sure how to feel about this. It's quite a shock to think people would consider you would do these things to Anathema... and in his sleep...

"Did you see Chapter two when I wake up?" He is beyond himself.

You look for a way out when...

"And the winner is... MEDEA by a landslide! She's the filthiest of them all! All Hail Medea!" The crowd cheers.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen... I bring you an old favorite... ANATHEMA!"

This is so surreal... Anathema is on one side of the stage.. and you feel Owl pushing you into the other side.

"And a newcomer! Never seen before... SIDESTEP!"

"And the piece da resistance they present is titled... "Sidestep/Anathema, AU, Escape from the village of the Rammed, part 3! "

The heroes around you cheer. Anathema takes his lines and starts. You feel yourself growing smaller under the pressure of people watching you...

He finishes his lines. People expect you to say yours... what to do... You look at your text. You try to speak, but your voice is a croak.

Only your training can save you. You focus...

.....................15 minutes later.................................

"I can't believe you fucking beat me" Anathema walks with you to the open bar. "I had rehearsed that shit!"

"THat's what you get for challenging me " you chuckle nervously holding the little medal they gave you. It reads "Filthiest hero". In truth, you are sweating so much under your double set layer clothing. REading that was amongst the most uncomfortable moments of your life, but you managed.

Your training makes you a good actor. And you're curious. You don't want to admit it, but you're probably going to browse into more of these "Fictions" of you and other people.

"Where's Ortega?" You ask a bit concerned. You were supposed to try to cheer him up, but you totally lost track of him.

"There" Anathema points. "I left him by The Karaoke area."

"I'll go check on him" you offer.

"Hey" you sit by his side. "How are you?"

"Hey" For once he's the one startled. You notice a few empty drinks by his side. "I'm alright. I guess."

"Want to talk about it?" You wish you could read his thoughts.

"It's the same old story... only that it went nuclear this time" he sighs, taking another sip of tequila.

"How? What happened?"

"He wanted some sort of commitment... And I'm..."

"Still in the closet?" You smile

"Yeah. I haven't figured out how to handle the media about it...."

"So it's over? Just like that?"

"Well, he hasn't answered a single text or call. I even went to his place a few times. I think I really hurt him"

"I'm sure he'll get over it. It's been a while"

"I just want to apologize. I even invited him here. But he didn't come either"

"Well... you know, there are other ways."

"Hmm? Like what?"

"I could lend you a brick" you jest.

He can't help the smile. "Stop it"

"What? It worked like a charm"

He punches your arm playfully, now laughing.

"Ow. It was a valid suggestion"

"You bastard. You know how much I spent on repairs?"

"Nope" you confess. "I wasn't very good at talking back then."

"Well.. a lot." He takes another sip of his drink. "But don't worry about it"

"Hey, I could repay you"

"Hmm? No need seriously I..."

"Remember the Karaoke machine at your place?"

"Yep. You avoid it like the plague."

"I'll do it now and we call it even. Deal?"

"Ha. You can't do it! You'll just chicken out"

"Just watch me," you say stepping over and picking a microphone. It's not about debts. It's about distracting your friend. You are learning fast how these things work.

Someone connects a light on top of you. Then the music starts.. and the video...

You are frozen. This isn't like the reading with Anathema. You are alone. And everyone's watching you. The mic slips from your hand. You take it back... your cue is about to start and you can't...

Someone is singing the lyrics. It’s Ortega. He took the other mic. He gets by your side, singing badly.

What the hell. You join in. You are a cuckoo, and birds are supposed to sing, right?

.................... a few awkward moments later......................

"Wow... we are... terrible. We should probably not do that again" Ortega says laughing

"Hey, we gave it our all," you say drinking from your own glass now. "We should be proud"

"Yep!" he smiles. "Cheers!"

You toast and take some more. You only started drinking but he's clearly going to get drunk tonight if he keeps this up. }

"Also.. thanks for the rescue," you say blushing under your mask.

"It was fun. Maybe we should torture them some more" he gazes at the microphone "But right now... I've got to go to the bathroom" he says "where was it?" he looks a bit lost.

"Come, I'll show you," You say guiding him through the crowd. You wonder how many drinks he had before you got to him.

You take him to the bathroom area and lead him to the door. But he doesn't come in.

Instead, he gets closer to you.

"I... sorry I lied. I don't really need to go"

"Oh?" this is unfamiliar ground. "What is it?"

"I just... wanted to talk to you. Out of that crowd. I know how uncomfortable you get"

"It's true" you admit sheepishly. "So.. I'm here what did you want to talk about?"

"I think... I..." he seems unsure.

"What?"

"I think I'm having a crush"

"Oh? On whom ?"

"A very close and dear friend." He looks into your eyes. You suddenly feel a bit dizzy

"Ahh.. really?"

He takes your hand

"My best friend"

You laugh nervously. "You are drunk"

"Just drunk enough to speak out," he says

He gets closer to you. "Just... tell me I'm wrong... and I'll go" he

You say nothing. He pulls your mask halfway up.

You feel your world spin. Half of you wants to panic. The other half just wants to...

He kisses you. His arms go around your back. Your casted arm gets in the way. You make do.

You can't recall how long did you stay there, kissing him. Being kissed by him.

It seemed to go on forever.

You do know how it ended though.

Riley’s fist on connecting with your left eye.

And not too long after that, Eldritch trying to destroy you all.

________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero spoilers #Sidestep #Ortega #Anathema #Fanfiction #fluff

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