#the friendships made and lost
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holy shit time flies...
#random#idk the other day i was just looking at the sun coming through my window and it dawned on me#life changed so much in the last 11 years#for the best... but damn#i'd only want to go back in time#only for my health#but i would never give up all the experiences i went through#the friendships made and lost#the failures and victories#ig it really is just life#it still makes me laugh tho how back in the days i had my majora wallpaper#fast forward and one of my best friend gifted me the 3D figurine... ig some things never change#i'll always be a mm fan and i love her sm#but really...#the fucking disgusting chair with pillows in 2013?#disguting#i didn't care tho... i was a poor student who lived constantly for 7 years under 1k in my bank account OTL#i usually hang my left over merch because...#idk#i want to be proud to look at them too#i spend HOURS ON THOSE T0T#then i got that one other wall that's just craking down with artist merch OTL#it's weird to feel like you've lived a long time now...#like i remeber very clearly 10+ years ago#it's so strange...
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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satogou + tvtropes
#journeyshipping#firstfriendshipping#satogou#*gif#gif#pokemon#anipoke#pokeani#pokemon journeys#we just dont make tvtropes gifsets like we used to...weve lost our ways...#mine#my fave is plot-mandated friendship failure that shit made me giggle
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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I'm not ready to shut up about Aveline and Carver--so, when you go see Aveline in Act 1, you can catch up with her a little bit and that's where this conversation can happen:
Aveline: "It's just one more change, though. The real end for me was Ostagar. What about you, Carver? You were there. Do you feel something similar?" Carver: No. Aveline: All right, then. Bit of a tit, your brother.
I wanted to see what she would say if Carver isn't in the party. Instead, she says this:
Aveline: Carver was there. I imagine he feels something similar. If he allows it.
......well, at least she didn't call him a tit?
#dragon age 2#da2#carver hawke#aveline vallen#she's slightly nicer to him when he's not there but she's still like 'maybe he feels something similar but probably pretends not to'#like i'm not gonna pretend that carver doesn't bottle any feelings--he doesn't openly talk about bethany a lot for a reason#but to suggest he pretends to be unfeeling about things like ostagar is incorrect like he CLEARLY feels a lot about it#because he associates the battle at ostagar with losing his home and sister to the darkspawn#after playing as a warrior hawke who is best friends with aveline i do have a little more insight into why she might think this about carve#when hawke is a warrior they were at ostagar. they share that traumatic experience with aveline and if they're friends#they discuss it in a way that i think aveline *wants* y'know? but with carver he doesn't respond the way she wants him to#so she gets frustrated since even if she tried to talk to hawke about it... hawke wasn't there. hawke doesnt KNOW what ostagar#was like but carver does... but it's like aveline is ready to assume the worst of carver a lot of the time?#like 'carver doesn't talk about it because he's a tit who pretends not to feel' is the vibe i get from this but aveline...#that's like calling you a tit because you don't want to openly discuss all your feelings about your dead husband#listen aveline and carver are so similar but they have such key differences like they both survived the horror of ostagar#and lost a loved one to darkspawn while fleeing lothering AND they both blame hawke for it to a degree#even though they both know that's not right and that it wasn't really hawke's fault#they're both stubborn warriors with daddy issues looking to find their place#and when it comes to flirting? well i don't think carver's as bad as aveline#but i played MotA i know all about 'you could tame its wild heart'#but the key differences come in how they the end the game y'know? especially if carver's on the friendship path as a warden#i still haven't made him a templar but something tells me he ends up more on the same road as aveline#vs when he's a grey warden and able to be away from kirkwall and find a place on his own#y'all i could write a whole essay on aveline and carver but i paused my game to write this so i should go back to that sksksk
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Well, I have officially made it past 26, which for the past 10 years was the age I kind of assumed I wouldn’t make it past.
So, here’s to 27. Here is to the rest of my life
#this past year was a fucking test and I made it out alive#4 family deaths a totaled car a lost friendship a grueling thesis and severe depression and loss of identity#I fucking made it through#really wasn’t genuinely sure at some points if that was going to happen#but I am here#🥂#9/19/24
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fun fact: he’s 6′11″ feet tall and bisexual.
#simblr#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 portrait#dragon age#s: damian hawke#anyway woohooincoffin is playing dragon age 2 rn and i'm loving their commentary#so it made me miss my hawke#his name is damian#and he's basically a full-time golden retriever#he's a spirit healer and a mix of blue and purple personality#and friendship romanced fenrus#fenris*#which is difficult playing as a mage but not impossible!#the lore behind the eyepatch is that he lost his eye in the duel with arishok#and also three of his fingers#he's also an artist! and likes painting. especially after leandra dies#in act 3 he actually has long hair but all the hairs i tried clipped badly with the armor#this is his act 1 hair#anyway i could talk about him all day but i don't want to bore you#!!
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me, stubborn asf: why the hell do you keep trying to change your narrative the earrings are samatoki related drama no matter what points you can concede we’ve been thinking this since 2018 stop—
brain unable to stop thinking about ichiro’s earrings: okay but he and samatoki were on a team for a while before he got those piercings and got them only after kuukou left and kuukou similarly changed his prayer beads after he left ichiro they used to be all black but he added two red beads on them it can’t be a coincidence if iT LINES UP SO WELL—
#this is vee speaking#me stuck in my ways: THEY REVEALED ICHIRO HAD EARRINGS ON THE BB VS MTC COVER ITS SAMATOKI RELATED#me ichikuu-pilled: AND WHAT OF IT???? ICHIROS REMOVED ALL PIECES OF THE ERA WHERE HE WAS WITH KUUKOU SO WHY CANT THE EARRINGS BE PART OF IT#i am highkey dying rn thinking about ichiro and kuukou’s designs again lol#like the way they were the only duo to match back in the day seems to have carried on even tho they’ve been very far apart for years lol#and like the thing about ichiro’s earrings maybe being related to kuukou would fall in line with ichiro’s feelings at the time#like he lost kuukou before he could properly admit to himself just how much kuukou’s friendship meant to him#so kuukou matched his red bandana???? what if he decided to match kuukou’s earrings a little and made them red too????#all this to say i still wish he would put them back in LOL like if hypmic does me a solid and gives me duo battles for the 3rd drb#i think it would be next to THE ABSOLUTE FCKING SHIT if they let ichiro wear them bc he’s partnered up with bat lol#we found out he had them once the beef started???? well for the (presumably) final beef he can put them back in—
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i actually love thinking about preS4 vinerva and how their relationship deteriorates throughout the season and how it relates to the clemvi romance and just violets character in general but unfortunately some people cant be normal about them so instead i just gotta keep it to myself
#childhood friendship to romance with a tragic ending thats about accepting new love like i just think thats fun and interesting#the whole point is violet moving on from minerva!!! which is why her bad route is about wrongly putting her faith back into minnie#and goes BLIND!! do you Get It??#(which she later apologizes to clem about recognizing she reacted poorly. and clem accepts her apology and admits her own blame in it)#but no. “violet never got over minnie” and minnie being an evil demon as far as the eye can see#maybe theyre actually both complex and layered characters who have been through traumatizing events that made them act accordingly 😱#no... that cant possibly be it... they must just be evil teenage girls...#violet ever loving minnie at all is treated like a crime by some people god forbid she struggle with those feelings 🙄#every time i post art of the 3 of them i get at Least one person saying Some Shit 😑 and its really annoying#heard my clemviminnie pride art got reposted to reddit. Fear.#and when i went to find it i saw vi lost to ben in the 2nd round of a “best written character” poll. and i knew i could never go back there#twdg#it speaks
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in honor of me finally remembering to delete my twitter that I haven’t used in like four years, here’s a selection of my best tweets from over the years that I screenshotted for posterity…
#twitter#funny tweets#tweets#i don’t know how to tag this#there was a lot of detective pikachu content and itsv content there#also rip to all my twitter convos with people from/about second best dnd#truly a lost era :(#it was nice to look back on tho#also rip to all of me and zainab’s livetweets of period dramas and Nora Ephron movies during the early days of our friendship#I included the persuasion tweet that made everyone I know mad at me for like 24 hours to sort of represent that era#the artist formerly known as birdhapley AKA moonsuits sometimes credited as sesamestreep
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Was the young Henry VIII a very friendly and gentle person?
Assuming you mean on a personal level (since, obviously...ordering executions is not especially 'gentle'), that seems to be the general judgement. There's not actually much variation from it from 1509-20s, foreign observers extol his gentleness and generosity and piety throughout the early 1530s, their only specific criticism there is that he's enthralled with a woman of 'bad character' (shorthand for 'low birth').
'the kindest of princes' (Cranmer, 1526) ‘a man of gentle friendliness, and gentle in debate; he acts more like a companion than a king’ (Erasmus, 1529) 'affable and gracious, harmed no one' (Venetian ambassador, 1519) 'He is kind and affable, full of graciousness and courtesy, and liberal; particularly so to men of science (virtuosi) whom he is never weary of obliging.' (Venetian ambassador, 1531)
There's some interesting post-contemporary observations on this matter, too (that have to be considered more doubtful since they're more influenced by hindsight and sometimes, by partisanship); such as:
"her Majesty's father, though otherwise the most gentle and affable prince in the world, could not abide to have any man stare in his face; or to fix his eye too steadily upon him when he talked with them".
And while I won't arm-chair, body-language 'science', pop psych-analyze that one (search results yield that specific source quote to 'narcissism' discussion), since it's neuroableist particularly to suggest an inability to maintain eye contact is indicative of innate deceit/dishonesty ...it is an interesting observation, considering how long he was in the public eye.
'Otherwise' gentle and affable is what's interesting about this remark, really, because are gentleness and friendliness mutually exclusive with a certain self-consciousness? I don't think so, and I wonder if this manifested particularly once he got to the point in a public ceremony/spectacle where he became overwhelmed by the attention and scrutiny, it is not typically how he's thought of but it's such a specific observation connected (but 'contrasting') those specific traits you asked of, I thought it was worth mentioning.
Mantel touched on this,
‘The burden of kingship,’ he says, ‘no man can imagine it. All my life, to be a prince: to be observed to be a prince; all eyes to be set on me; to be an exemplar of virtue, of discretion, of excellence in learning; to have a mind young and vigorous yet as wise as Solomon; to take pleasure in what others have designed for my pleasure, or be thought ungrateful; to discipline all my appetites, to unmake myself as a man in order to make myself as a king; to waste not a minute lest I be seen to waste it; for idleness, no excuses; always alert to prove, always to show, that I am worthy of the place God appointed me … When I was a young man I suppose I showed the calf of my leg to an ambassador and said, “There, has your French king a calf as good as that?” And my words were reported, and all Europe laughed at me, a vain idle boy, and no doubt people laugh still. But being young I asked myself, if God had formed François better than me, which prince did He favour most?’
And I also thought Mantel touched on this (although I can't find it in my highlights atm, so maybe I'm misremembering); I distinctly remember this scene...where somebody is recalling, as Duke of York, Henry was placed on a pony or horse when he's only two or three years old, and this is really his first public appearance, and he's reported to have acquitted himself well, to have been charming and gracious and graceful, even then...but even then, there was always this dark spectre. The timing of his ennoblement as Duke of York was chosen with purpose, it was in the shadow of a pretender. Was there a sense of unease, even then, that he couldn't articulate until later: that behind every smile, could be a knife?
'[Henry VII]'s children grew up in a world of threats, intrigue, and paranoia', '[Prince Henry]'s earliest years were as emotionally insecure as his father's reign was politically uncertain', '"he is so subjugated that he does not speak a word except in response to what the king asks him"'; again, the latter does not match the gregarious (perhaps even, more self-fashioned than natural) personality he's recorded as having as an adult.
The possibility that he oscillated between two opposite settings, and adapted accordingly, back to back (relative isolation and circumspection, to complete immersion in public celebration and celebrity and grandiose openness/friendliness); could account for the contradiction of an "affable" young man that gradually became uncomfortable with the level of scrutiny to which he was held, and maybe even modulated his habit and outward persona to fit what was expected of a king.
#anon#can't answer for if he was...there were (although it's not generally given much space)#speeches of dissent against him even before the GM. but they were fairly rare#anyway. can't answer for what he was#just what he was observ#...observed to be#i don't think he was suited to rule...?#he was a good politician so that's not what i mean#but i think he would've made a better advisor#it's almost like he makes up for the 'lost time' of the first half of his reign#where he's astonishingly...possibly to deteriment...permissive#by turning to become incredibly ruthless#although i think CTE was a factor asw#but there are several accounts that are suggestive of this . he was permissive and he fell into permissive habits#bcus he wanted to be liked and let those close to him take advantage of their friendships/working relationships#like AB flipping over a table (metaphorically speaking) when a messenger relays that cardinal wolsey wants henry to visit him#that's often portrayed as her own power play; she doesn't want to be left out of the conversation#or her own animosity towards wolsey#and im sure both those things were also true#but. yk. it's also from someone with experience in several courts; of several rulers#abroad...and i think it is also genuinely shock. that this is his habit.#to let wolsey dictate when and where they're meeting rather than the king doing so
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nobody fucking touch me rn i went to see tf one in the cinema and im shaking. they actually made a good transformers movie. what the fuck
#time to go home and read the entirety of jro's mtmte and lost light again ig#what the FUCK i was not expecting it to be actually fucking stunning. that's MY loser dumpster fire of a children's toy franchise how did t#ey actually make it . good#really good#five out of five stars. when elita said “you dont have the touch or the power” i fucking choked#obviously it is only going to mire the canon more because of the changes to megatron's backstory (no gladiators 😔) & lack of allspark plot#but i dont even fucking care. dont even touch me rn i cant ever get over this#broken friendships & corruption arcs are THE SHIT and they did this one better than i was expecting#when pax fell like a falling star... primus itself opened to him...#ratchet cameo! arcee cameo! jazz cameo! not to mention ALPHA TRION#i can see the war in this . i can see this . millions of years in the future they will still b fighting. orion mightve been a “pacifist” by#megatron's standards but he knows how to fight. he fights more than he should. and bee.... bee... THATS MY FUCKING NAMESAKE GUYS DONT EVEN#TOUCH ME RN. IM SHAKING. HOLY SHIT#bumblebee you are SUCH a dork. what the FUCK.#and the quintessons!!!!! i am LIVING for the art direction and the organic/inorganic imagery#those quintesson energon-hoover things reminded me of energon eaters too. & in that first shot of them entering the cave w the primes i#originally thought scraplets before i came back to myself. there's something to be said here tho.#they did a good job with the worldbuilding. suitably alien-like. exceeded expectations. that ginormous quintesson ship? i'm going insane#you can SEE the birth of the myth in this stupid fucking movie you can SEE how op becomes who he becomes. the way he grew. the way they bot#grew until they were the only person that could hold the other back . the way he is going to be irreversibly changed. d16's eyes...#that scene w starscream has a chokehold on me. i cant breathe. the way they all looked at megatron when his blaster emerged#the fight scenes#ELITA ONE !!!#AIRACHNID !!!!#honest to god though i must confess that the first coherent thought i had about this movie was “oh they made him so cunty” . abt pax. i#am so sorry#but okay okay okay i . they were amica endura at the beginning. at the least. i'm. AKHRERJGH#tf one#me when megatron ascended out of iacon & he was the only land vehicle amid a swarm of planes. me when the SYMBOLISM#🐝
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"Where we feel safe and happy, we feel like home." — Torfun
A TALE OF THOUSAND STARS (2021) dir. Noppharnach Chaiyahwimhon OUR SKYY 2: A TALE OF THOUSAND STARS (2023) dir. Noppharnach Chaiyahwimhon
#a tale of thousand stars#atots#our skyy 2#asianlgbtqdramas#ayesha made a thing#usernuria#ninisdarlings#userkit#userlotad#tonanons#mjtag#usertaeminie#userjap#tagnads#not sure who to tag lol#absolutely lost it when they made this parallel#remember how lost tian was in the beginning? and how he was able to heal & grow through the love/acceptance he received#& now years later we see him extend a welcome of his own? 🤧#ily pha pun dao village ily community ily friendship ily found family ily acts of kindness ILY MY SEETIAN
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if anyone does anything that makes me feel even remotely out of control it changes my brain chemistry about them forever even if I know they mean well and want so badly for things to go back to the way they used to but they can never go back and I hate myself for that
#ill literally ruin every friendship ig#does anyone else experience this bc it’s actually so fucked up I hate it sm#and like im good at pretending it’s ok so even if the other person goes back to normal I never am#it’s like the grudge just stays forever no matter how much forgiveness I logical have#and the association w the person just feels sickening even if they r so full of love#and I think that talking about it will help but it just digs a further hole#like it always get resolved on their end but somehow I feel worse#I’ve lost some of the greatest ppl bc of this :(#like ppl make mistakes#and sometimes it’s not even a mistake or anything wrong im just insane#and then I feel I don’t treat them as well but not in ways they would notice ugh idk im actually fkd#hence I mostly cut them off bc I don’t wanna treat them badly they don’t deserve it#but im also sick of cutting ppl pff who r genuinely so nice and made one off comment#bc I’ve made plenty of off comments im sure bc im human and yet other ppl r ok w it like y can’t I be#anyways usually the whole reason they have even said anything that has put me off them is just their reaction to me being mentally ill#so it kinda all stems from me everytim LOL yay
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Haha mel what if I made an au where parrot is the one who gets chunkbanned and then wifies is all alone haha :P
Sorry, I'm a little sleepy rn I woke up at 3 am lol
kade i'm showing up outside your house if you do that. /silly not really, because i actually really love angst, and i fully support you.
#☆ inbox .#☆ mutuals .#you guys are evil (so am i)#god thinking about this makes me so sad#imagine wifies. just having lost one friend he made on this server where he knows NO ONE#(assuming ken is not there yet/wifies doesnt know if shes there or not. same with wato)#having to go around looking for people who know parrot and are willing to help get him out while also trying to think of a plan#he wears the spyglass strapped on his belt and is constantly checking if its there#out of anxiety that he's going to lose it considering its one thing parrot intrusted him with#and its something that's basically a symbol of said trust and their friendship as a whole#GOD OUGH im still sad about them can you tell#(parrot throwing the spyglass away in the recent episode had me DEAD i hate them)
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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