#the force ships it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lackingspace · 2 years ago

Text

Lesson in Silence (Kylo Ren x Reader x Knights)

Chapter 3 - Lesson 3

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Crude language, some innuendos, some touching. It's a slowish burn, what can I say.

Author Note: ok, if it wasn't clear before then it is now. Knights are a big part of the plot. I'm taking liberties with their personalities, capabilities, and anything else I feel is within reason. Well just see what happens. As always, thank Tina for giving me inspiration ✨

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

AO3 Link: Lesson 3

Prev Ch: Lesson 2

Narrowing your eyes while pursing your lips at the implication that Albrekh had conned you. He hadn't. Not like you really charged much for mods, especially to people in the first order network, you weren't even supposed to do it in the first place much less take real payment for it.

Albrekh had even slid you more credits than what you'd asked for. He took care of you and you were more than happy to keep him supplied.

You'd actually known him before joining the first order. Long after you'd taken a fabricated background and identity, but still, he was a long-standing contact. Having met him through an arms dealer, Jace.

A Sullustans you'd been selling mods to for quick credits in a bind. He'd had grand plans to broker deals with the combination of yours and Albrekh's work together rather than separately. Able to charge a high price for custom-made fully modded weapons.

Too bad he'd gone missing not long after you were introduced. Word in the network said he'd brokered a deal that went south and hadn't made it out. You'd kept in contact with Albrekh though, he paid well and was good at his craft.

When you came on board as an officer for the order he'd sent you an encrypted message. You'd known he worked for the order somewhere, but you'd never felt the need to ask. Thinking he was offworld or on a base somewhere.

You hadn't realized he must work with the knights regularly.

Every few weeks he was asking for different modifications, he'd even dropped formalities and messaged something generally along the lines of, 'Cardo blew the last one, needs something new.'

"Albrekh didn't say the laser brain who blows my mods was a Knight." You couldn't tell what look he was giving you, but from the cocked hip and head tilt your bet was a smirk, "With the way you're on your knees for Vic, don't think you really mind us." Jaw clenching at the crass remark as you flicked your gaze back in Vicrul's direction.

He straightened up to his full height, still standing close enough that if you wanted to press against his leg it was only a matter of shuffling an inch or so. Tempting. But you dragged your eyes up farther– arms recrossed, he dripped intimidation and power.

All the knights towered over you, but kneeling at his feet made him seem even more massive. The slow lingering draw of your eyes from boot to mask– steady and deliberate, made to be obvious, before turning back to Cardo. You leveled him with a flat look to match your candid tone, "Vicrul's hot."

The guff modulated chuckle from behind you had the corner of your lip flick up into a smirk and stomach clench. Suppressing your smirk in favor of narrowing your eyes at the knight in front of you, "Vicrul hasn't melted my anvil compressor either."

That got a chuckle from Trudgen while Cardo's shoulders tensed at the sound, "She got you there. Thought I'd have to cut your arm off with how warped it was."

Cardo was silent for a few tense moments before he questioned, "The anvil was your make too?" The question held a genuine surprise.

The anvil compressor had happened a few years ago, likely he was surprised you'd made his mods for so long, "Yeah, it was mine." Your sour look melted from your features like he'd done to the mod, "Honestly, I'd bet almost all your mods come from me. Albrekh and I go back long before I joined the order."

Cardo took a step towards you, "The double tap? Shutter shot? Cooling threaded tempo? Those yours?" You gave a nod, "Yeah, heard you really liked the tempo." Tilting your head as you spoke, "Actually, that makes sense. Kinda hard to melt that one." Cardo covered the short distance between the mat and you.

He hadn't said a word as he walked, finally standing in front of you as you looked up towards his masked face, "You've been making my favorite mods for years." Unsure if he was making a statement or if it was a question, you to give a tentative answer of, "...yes?" He reached down with both hands settling on your shoulders before yanking you into a standing position.

"Sorry Vic, I'm gonna borrow your new girl for a minute." You let out a choked noise at the phrase 'your new girl'– like Vicrul had some claim to you.

But you had just called him hot…and let him manhandle you without protest…ugh, really you shouldn't have enjoyed it…or still quietly entertaining the thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad messing around with him.

He was a Knight for kriffing sake– the group you were hiding from. Something was wrong with you. Today was cursed, that had to be it. First the ghostly master, then the Commander, the knights, and now you'd lost any sense of self-preservation because a guy scratched an itch you hadn't been able to satisfy in years.

The last hour of today seemed like if there was a bad decision you could make, it was your first and only choice.

Chancing a glance back at the man in question had him uncrossing his arms and outstretching one in an expression that said 'be my guest'.

Force only knew what Vicrul would do with your idiotic admission. Sure he was hot, Sure his imposing figure gave you bad ideas, but you didn't need to add jet fuel to the kriffing fire by telling him that.

You highly doubted he'd let it die in this room. You should feel dread and anxiety at the possibility of him, or any of them really, seeking you out after this.

The thing that solidified how much trouble you were in was that the thought of Vicrul chasing after you didn't fill you with cold dread, but instead it was a hot anticipation.

A reckless excitement for whatever he would do. Recklessness was something your master would have been more abhorred at than the liaison you were contemplating.

And she would have been right to do so. This was a bad idea, but your emotional brain was getting the best of you. Damned as soon as you'd felt his want for you to submit. You shouldn't want his attention, any of their attention, force forbid they drew their master's gaze back to you.

With Cardo knowing you were his supplier things were already bound to become more precarious. None of your decisions here had been cautious in any capacity.

"Look, check this out." Cardo had pulled you to a small pile next to the mats. He reached in and pulled his cannon from the floor before handing it to you, "The kinetic feeder housing is too bulky. Doesn't sit comfortably inside like the others– Its ass sticks out of the casing."

Turning the cannon over in your hands, appreciating the solid and deadly design. You'd never actually seen it before, only the blueprints. You were waiting on a question or for him to continue, but when he didn't, you answered with a tentative, "Uh, yeah."

There was a beat before he responded, "Dank ferrik, I want you to fix it, girl." You stared at him in confusion for a second, "Fix…it?" Realization dawned on you, "Do you not read my notes?" It was his turn to sound confused, "Notes?"

Raising one hand to pinch at the bridge of your nose, "Albrekh hasn't given you my notes? Or do you just ignore them?" Silence met you, meaning it could be either one. Trudgen called out from the other side of the mat, "Albrekh probably thought he couldn't read."

You sighed as Cardo shouted expletives at his friend, "Ok, listen," Shooting him a quick glance to make sure you had his attention. At the tilt of his mask you carried on, "This," stressing the syllable as you slid a finger across the edge of the metal sticking up, "is a feature. It doesn't need to be fixed."

Giving him a pointed look before continuing, "The feeder doesn't just utilize excess energy from firing the cannon. It also absorbs blaster fire and converts it to boost your next shot." You expected something from him but were disappointed.

At his silence, you broke it down even more, "Catch blasts with the cannon and this," giving the metal a small flick, "Will retract down signaling it's powered up."

The disbelief came through the helmet's modulation clearly, "You want me to get shot?" Cardo had the ability to get under your skin more easily than most people. Probably because you'd spent years wondering what kind of kriffing prick he had to be to break your work so often.

His brainlessness grated on your already strained nerves which made you careless. Being careless was extremely dangerous. You were breaking all sorts of self-imposed rules this afternoon. The flare of your irritation dulled the logical screaming in the back of your mind to stop talking. Stop heckling. Stop digging your own grave.

The words spat out before you could stop it, "From what I hear you're always getting shot at anyways. Just hold your kriffing arm out." Both Vicrul and Trudgen laughed at your barb.

Cardo's head tilted as he regarded you. Unsure if it was in anger or the plethora of other emotions he, none of them, were supposed to be capable of. The knights should have been cold, cruel, and dead inside. Like all the rumors sprouted about them. Would have been so easy to navigate around them if it had been true.

But they were lively– rowdy, opportunistic, and aggressive, certainly. Overflowing with snide comments that brought out your own attitude. A brattiness that wanted to defy their brutish manner. Even Vicrul's brash assault betrayed a frenzied warmth beneath the manipulation. It drew you in before you had a chance to disconnect.

Master had always hated how emotional you were. Nothing but a liability. And she wouldn't stand for anything compromising the mission– so she'd tried to kill it. Typically you were good at keeping your work and personal relationships nonchalant. Friendly, definitely sarcasm filled, but overall distanced. Seemed like all it took was a domineering group of men to spark your rebellion.

The inspection lasted long enough for you to know whatever he'd say next wasn't good. He turned towards Vicrul as he spoke, "I like this one. When you get tired of her, send her to me." You snorted in disgust and grumbled at the back of his helmeted head, "I'm not fucking you."

Cardo turned back to you. He was large and solid– they all were, but it was then that you consciously registered it about him. The air shifted to something heavy as the cool textured leather of his coat brushed your bare arm as he leaned in. Mask angled down as he caught a stray strand of your hair, "No?"

Jutting your bottom lip out in defiance with narrowed eyes. Speaking in a voice that stressed your finality on the issue, "No." He dropped the strand to pinch your chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning your face left and right, "Shame."

Something bloomed in the pit of your stomach that was more than simple embarrassment. A pleasant warmth twisting your gut and flaring that heat his friend had already been fanning. Ripping your face from his grasp to spit out another assertion, "That goes for all of you. I'm not fucking anyone."

Vicrul spoke before the words died in your throat, "We both know that's a lie, princess."

Cheeks flushed with another wave of warmth at the implication and new pet name. Whipping your gaze towards him had you watch as he pushed away from the pillar to roll his neck. He was just as imposing as when you knelt before him. Staring you down when his brash mental presence blindsided your senses again.

"I was going to go easy and save you the embarrassment of begging. You've been more entertaining than these two half-wits." Rolling his shoulders before continuing, "But brats always find a way to get punished." The force pouring the fabricated panic into you at his will. Breath shuttering out of your lungs, biting your lip at the sudden shift of emotions, eyes glued to his form.

Cardo's elbow jabbing sharply into your ribs pulled your attention off your fixation, "Looks like you made daddy mad." Brows instantly furrowed as your nose scrunched in a sneer. His only response was modulated laughter as he moved away, back towards Trudgen. Calling over his shoulder, "Vic's a fan of spanking, your ass is gonna be rawhide before he's satisfied."

Sputtering as Vicrul was still painting your insides with terror, all you could manage was, "Do I want to know how you know what he likes?"

Trudgen answered for him with a shrug, "We're brothers– we talk" his mask hid his gaze, but from the deliberate up and down drag across your form, similar to the one you'd done, there wasn't any doubt what he was doing, "…and we like to share."

Closing your eyes as the admission sent a tingle down your spine and that felt too good mixing with what his brother was doing. It sparked inappropriate thoughts that didn't need to be acknowledged.

Can't I just go back to the kriffing shop? The thought a desperate plea to the invisible force. Or your bunk. You deserve some rest after this whole fiasco. Honestly, if you could rewind today you'd just have stayed in bed. But the force didn't work like that.

When your eyes opened Vicrul was giving you an order in the form of his index finger curling towards himself. At your small step, he pushed another crushing wave against your senses, the dread sliding down your back into the pit of your stomach. He spoke a single word, "Crawl."

Now that the Commander wasn't lurking behind your eyes, you could deal with his influence easier– but you couldn't filter it out completely.

The demand had more heat mixing with the fear. Damn your weakness for men like the Commander; like Vicrul. You'd have to put a stop to this once you left the gym.

A bead of cold sweat ran down your spine. Knowing where the awful sensation was coming from keeping you from true panic, but it still caused a strong physiological reaction.

Feeling his mental presence bashing against your own had you miss the subtlety of his master. But as reckless as you were being, you didn't want Commander Ren anywhere near you, physical or otherwise. No matter how pleasant his lazy strokes felt. You'd take the rudimentary assault of his apprentice.

Vicrul was like a crowbar to a tightly chained door while his master was a lockpick. One decidedly much more dangerous than the other.

Your mind was largely your own with Vicrul. The threat was only marginally less, but you'd take any advantage. Although, you had a sneaking suspicion that Vicrul was more similar to you than you initially pegged him for.

He might not be able to breach your thoughts, but the more time he spent violently lashing against you it gave you opportunity to judge his capabilities without much effort. He could definitely sense your emotions.

The kriffing ass likes this.

Rough laughter from Cardo had you shooting a look of visceral annoyance his way as you slowly complied to Vicrul's demand, "Shut it, Cardo. Next time you short-circuit a processor and the cannon backfires don't expect me to mod for you again." Lowering your voice to just above a whisper as shuffled across the mat, "Kriffing mudscuffer always shorting mods."

His laughter cut off, "What the kriffing hell is Albrekh telling you?" You didn't bother looking at him as you answered, "I get curious when you need mods so damn often. He just tells me how you break them."

Trudgen cut off whatever Cardo would have said, "You're just pissy Vic is giving you what you deserve. Should watch your mouth next time." He was right on both fronts. You were pissed that it seemed impossible to shut your mouth around them. Equally, if not more so, angry at yourself for how easily Vicrul could affect you.

You had to deal with their antics to a degree, but you'd certainly made it worse for yourself by being firey. Something different than the regular sniveling doormat most of your coworkers would have become.

When you finally reached the Knight's side, you looked up in quiet insolence. You might be playing his game, even enjoying how authoritative he was, but you didn't have to be happy about it. He reached a gloved hand down to pat the top of your head in a demeaning way, "Stop pouting, pet. Gives me too many ideas." He looked back to his friends, "Get to grappling or were done here."

Trudgen cracked his knuckles while offhandedly answering, "Impatient Vic?" Cardo chuckled and ribbed him next, "Want to keep her all to yourself, huh?"

There wasn't a verbal response, but you could feel the force twisting off him. This time it wasn't directed your way. Instead, Cardo's spine stiffened as he let out a hissed curse, "Son of a twi'lek whore, Vic! Fuck Kylo for teaching you that shit."

An unexpected hushed snicker left you. It was…amusing? Not quite the right word, but they were all so…casual? The familiarity they spoke to each other with or about each other, even about the Commander, surprised you. It gave a strange normalcy to the highly trained force-sensitive killing squad.

The pressure of the force only increased at the insult, "Fine, fine! We're done, so knock it off. Kriffing hate when you get durasteel up your ass." It was Vicrul's turn to chuckle as you felt his exertion on the force dissipate.

Cardo elbowed Trudgen, "Besides Tru couldn't take another ass kicking." The jab was returned with a kick to the side of Cardo's knee, "Pussy. You're afraid the girly doesn't like you and will lean in my favor." The two men started trading jabs back and forth until they quickly devolved into fighting anyways.

"Enough!" The frustration, or impatience, was dripping from Vicrul's acerbic tone, "Head back to Ren or the ship. I don't care, just fucking leave." The last word was a hiss from his modulated mask leaving no room for arguing.

His comrades didn't seem to take the demand like the threat you interpreted it as. Instead they took their time separating, guffawing echoing off the two as they collected their weapons. Vicrul's hand settled on your shoulder– grip curling around your much smaller frame

Your jaw clenched as you felt the frustration roll off him– with you or the other two occupants, you couldn't determine. The two slowly made their way towards the main entrance of the gym, Trudgen calling behind him, "Don't have too much fun, Vic. Kylo's still expecting us."

Cardo echoed behind him, "Good luck sitting tomorrow, girly. " Their snide snickering the last sound to reverberate off the walls as the plasteel door slid close behind them. As the silence stretched your anxiety skyrocketed. Refusing to look up at the Knight that loomed over you. Being alone with him left too many possibilities. If you looked up at him, you were half afraid you'd act on your earlier desires.

His hand flexed against your shoulder before you were swiftly hauled up and thrown into the nearest wall. It wasn't a gentle toss either, knocking the breath in your lungs clean out. Before you caught your breath Vicrul was crowding in. Arms slammed down next to your head boxing you in. You clenched your jaw as his chest pressed against yours. The heavy texture of his armor easily felt through the thin fabric of your workout top.

"They think I'm going to fuck you." Your brows pinched, hadn't that been why he was so impatient? Holding what you hoped to be his gaze you pressed into him lightly, "Aren't you?" One of his hands lowered to grip your cheeks.

Thumb pressed into one side harshly while his fingers rested against the flesh of your other. The leather softer than you'd expect for as rugged as they looked. The leathery scent surrounding your senses, "Haven't decided if you deserve my cock."

The only thing you could think to say was, "Who's lying now?" He'd made a whole scene earlier, but maybe this what part of the punishment he'd deemed you warranted?

Anxiety was creeping in, settling like a bird making a nest high in your chest, "What else do you need me alone for?" His hand tightened the grip causing your lips to pucker, "I don't need you alone to fuck you. I'd have let them watch."

You choked at his answer, but he continued, "I'm going to ask you a question, and you're going to answer."

Fear, real fear trickled through your veins. Cooling your blood and kicking your mind into high gear. Worse still, Vicrul's psychic presence pressed into you. Not bashing, not crashing, not trying to overrun your emotions. Just pressing into your extra sense of self. Soft. Gentle. Controlled. Your heart stuttered at the feel of it.

Where had that been this whole time? You should have listened to your initial instinct, he was dangerous. You forced the words out of your puckered lips "What question?" His presence slid against yours in the same spine-tingly way the Commander had. Panic was setting in and you needed to keep a cap on it otherwise you'd do something rash.

"How are you doing that?" The question caught you off guard. Maybe it was the panic that was scattering your brain, but you were unsure of exactly what he meant or what he was even asking, "Doing what?" It wasn't a lie if you really were confused.

You felt him lap up against you again. And like the Commander, it was a surface graze against your mental defenses. He'd pick up something, but he'd surprised you. You couldn't even assume what it was he'd decipher, "That." He didn't explain, just did the same force slide against your psyche, "How do you feel so…." He trailed off without finishing.

Your stomach dropped and a new wave of fear flooded your system. With a shaky breath you gritted out, "I don't know what you're talking about." He hummed before countering, "I think you do."

This was bad. This was so fucking bad. Bad beyond anything you could have anticipated. Vicrul was too much like you and you hadn't kriffing realized until it didn't matter.

He didn't need to be in your head to shift through memories confirming your past. Didn't even need to listen in on thoughts or feel you reach out into the force and manipulate it. Didn't even matter that your force signature was so subtle as if you were a passive bystander. Trying to follow its flow, hiding between the natural ripples.

None of it mattered with the way he'd interpret the force. He felt things the way you did. Which meant that he wasn't looking for how you reacted to the force– if you reached out to it, used it, he watched how the force reacted to you. It was something outside of your control.

And it was the same way you identified force sensitives.

The only thing that stopped you from breaking cover and using the force to throw him across the room was his own confusion. He was asking you for an explanation, could even feel it in his caresses. Although his grip on your face was firm, you didn't sense any hostility in it…yet.

This didn't make sense to you. How he knew something was off about you, but couldn't pinpoint it? He literally hunted force sensitives across the galaxy…so why…maybe he wasn't as developed as you thought?

When you were young it was harder to pick out the twisting of the force around people. Was it your own signature mingling in your perception? Or were they actually force users. Master had berated you for your turmoil and forced you to learn the art of slicing into someone's mind her way.

But picking up the twisting of the force had always been more natural. Eventually, the distinctions had become easier in identifying people it rippled around without worry you were projecting.

Maybe he was still in that phase? Your heart clenched in bittersweet relief. The Commander had been training him if you could believe Cardo, but you'd been next to the Commander in the lift. If he related in the same way, you doubted you would have left the lift alive.

Vicrul was likely on his own in this. Like you.

It stirred up sympathy he likely wouldn't appreciate. Playing dumb was your only option for now. At least that was the best option you could determine. Voice painted in frustration, "I really don't have a kriffing cule what you're talking about." His fingers tapped against your cheek before he slowly dragged his hand down to your throat.

"Maybe I should spank you." His hand continued down between your breast, trailing your stomach, setting your sensitive nerves on fire, "Or maybe if you give me a good answer," his hand lowered to cup between your legs. Your breath sharp on the inhale, sticking in your throat as your toes curled at the firm grip.

"I can be nice when I want. And your pretty face makes me want to do very nice things to you." He pressed his palm against your core in emphasis. Your hips rocked down into his cupped palm while your thighs clenched at the feeling. "Just tell me who you are."

You rocked against his hand with closed eyes. The pleasant pulse helped settle the panic rising up. Opening your eyes to pin him with as irritated a look you could muster, "I'm a kriffing arms technician." The hushed chuckle was more static and airy thanks to the mask's modulation, "Shame I don't have the time to make you beg."

Lifting your hands to grip the front of his coat, material smooth against your flesh. His own cupped palm between your legs pressed into your again, "You're going over my knee next time I see you." An actual smile cracked your features, "That a promise?"

He pulled his hand away and pried your grip off him before pushing away, "It's a threat." Your back was still glued to the wall as he slowly backed away. You couldn't move as you watched his form head to the same door his comrades had left. He stopped short of the door and spoke, "We'll see who you are," he hit the button to open the panel, "Arms technician."

Your head rocked back to rest against the wall as the door slid shut.

#star wars fanfiction #star wars #kylo #kylo x reader #kylo ren #knights of ren #knights of ren fanfiction #fanfic #star wars fanfic #uhhh are the knights gonna be FWB? Poly? idk #but theyre gonna Get.It.#smut #the force ships it #writing #knights of ren x reader #vicrul x reader

53 notes · View notes

tatooinebarnes · 2 years ago

Text

As It Was - Obi-Wan Kenobi (Part 2)

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Gender Neutral Original Character

Part 1 or Read in full on AO3

Word Count: 16k

See Part 1 for full tags and description

Part 2 (Chapter 8-13)

Ch. 8 - Goodbye, Old Friend

We were falling, both scrambling to right ourselves, but only succeeding in making the situation worse. A comically large gust of wind from a speeder had swept through the flora covered ravine, knocking us off the pathway on which we’d been walking. Obviously this happened often because the landing was soft, a gravity cushion catching us.

Breathless, Obi-Wan was hovering above me, his face inches from mine.

“Darling,” he said, his tone mischievous, “we have to stop getting into such compromising situations.”

“I think this is the first time this has happened,” I stated, pretending not to be bothered even though I knew he could hear my heart beating out of my chest.

“Perhaps,” he laughed, his eyes crinkling, “I just wanted to say that because I knew it would make you flustered.”

I blushed, “Well it worked.”

“So do I get to kiss you now?”

“Must you always be so polite?”

“Always darling, always,” he said before pressing his lips to mine.

“If I look down there and I see two people snogging I will be absolutely livid,” Anakin’s voice suddenly crackled on Obi-Wan’s commlink, bitterness tinging it, “Master, you’re supposed to be hunting General Grievous are you not?

Obi-Wan rolled off me with a dramatic sigh. I looked over at him, giggling.

“You have lipstick on your face.”

“Since when do you wear lipstick?” he said, wiping at his face.

“Since I was requested to attend a ‘gala’ as ‘security’ tonight on Coruscant’s party moon” I said, my tone laced with sarcasm.

“Well fortunately,” Obi-Wan said as he helped me up, “it looks like you don’t have any grass stains on you.”

“How fortunate,” I grinned, kissing him again.

“And for me too because I can’t be showing up to get rid of our favorite cyborg general with grass stains on my outfit.”

“Somehow I think grass stains are the least of your problems.”

“Do you know this ravine has incredible acoustics?” Anakin’s voice came on my comm this time, “get your asses up here.”

“I think he’s annoyed with us.”

“Potentially.”

Laughing over each other, we hiked up and out of the ravine to where Anakin was waiting with his arms crossed.

“You two are like younglings in the temple who’ve just discovered the best makeout spot.”

Obi-Wan turned a dark shade of scarlet but said nothing. I doubted any other former Padawan had ever said something so snarky to their former Master and lived to tell the tale.

“And you would know that, how Anakin?” I teased.

As I had intended, Anakin also turned a bright shade of red.

“Now that we’ve all had our verbal accoustings out of the way, we really do have to be on our way,” I said cheerily and walked off to where our speeder was waiting.

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at each other like they were siblings who’d just been told off for arguing in public.

“Get in!” I motioned as the speeder roared to life.

The wind whipped past us, causing my braids to fly up around me and bat Anakin in the face. Obi-Wan laughed, the sound lost behind us almost before I had a chance to savor it. Anakin was trying to complain that I should be required to tie my braids back when piloting a speeder but I just flipped the speeder’s receiver to blast music from one of Coruscant’s lower levels, tuning into a frequency that spit out a cacophony of sounds. I mimed that I couldn’t hear him and he frowned, but soon his face broke into a grin at the ridiculousness of the music.

As we neared to the hanger where Obi-Wan would board the Negotiator, Ahsoka’s silhouette became visible, her arms crossed over her chest.

“What took you all so long to get here from the Council chambers?” Ahsoka yelled over the sound of the music.

“Not my fault I was put in charge of these two love-birds,” Anakin said under his breath so only Obi-Wan and I could hear.

I elbowed Anakin in the ribs and Obi-Wan frowned deeply. He hated when Anakin said anything about us aloud, even if discreetly.

“Come on,” Ahsoka said, grabbing my elbow and dragging me from the speeder, “You need to get going to Hesperidium.”

“I’ve got plenty of time if I’ve got this,” I patted the yellow speeder fondly.

“Nope. Speeder’s mine. I’m Anakin’s ride. Plus you have grass stains on your robes - you have to change.

“Damnit,” I cursed, as the color rose in my cheeks.

We were standing slightly apart from Anakin and Obi-Wan, but from Obi-Wan’s tone I knew to give them a moment. Even after all these years he was still Anakin’s Master.

“-Be patient, Anakin. It will not be long before the Council makes you a Jedi Master.”

Anakin nodded as he turned to go, pausing once more, “Obi-Wan, may the Force be with you.”

“Good-bye, old friend. May the Force be with you,” Obi-Wan said as he watched Anakin go.

A chill went through me, the air suddenly taught with finality. Nobody else seemed to notice it, something in the Force shifting uncomfortably. Even as I watched Anakin walk away I couldn’t shake the feeling.

“Anakin, wait!” I called.

He turned back, nothing in his behavior out of place, just the ever chaotic energy rolling off him as it normally did.

“What?” he asked, as a small crease formed between his eyebrows.

I ran to throw my arms around him, tackling him in an unsuspecting hug. Cautiously he returned the gesture, his frame towering over mine.

“What’s this about?” he said, his tone suspicious.

From the corner of my eye I saw Obi-Wan raise his eyebrows and felt Ahsoka’s Force presence push questions at me.

“Thank you for- for everything. For being a part of my family,” I said, not knowing where the words were coming from but knowing I needed to say them.

“Okay….?” he said, forming it as a question.

“I just hope you know that. All of you,” I said turning to Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, “I cannot imagine life without you.”

“Cecil-” Ahsoka started.

“No really,” I interrupted and gave her a hug too, “I mean it when I say I wouldn’t have been able to get through this war without you.”

“It isn’t over yet,” Obi-Wan said quietly, ever the pessimist.

“But we’re closer than we’ve ever been,” Anakin said, bouncing on the balls of his feet, “and you need to go and finish it,” he said, sending a barely disguised glare at Obi-Wan.

“Bitterness won’t get you anywhere Anakin. The Council wants you here for a reason,” Obi-Wan started, the lecturing tone re-entering his voice.

Anakin huffed and crossed his arms but didn’t respond.

“May the Force be with you,” I nodded in finality after a brief moment of silence.

Both Anakin and Ahsoka nodded, smiling widely before hopping in the speeder. When it roared to life, Ahsoka turned the music up even further much to Anakin’s annoyance. They waved before zipping off into the late afternoon light.

“What was that about?” Obi-Wan said as he turned to me, his demeanor instantly less guarded.

“I felt something,” I whispered, “Something in the Force. It felt like an ending.”

“The ending to this war?” Obi-Wan grinned.

“No. Not in a good way. Something sinister,” I said, struggling for the right words.

“Oh,” he said, voice soft.

“But it will all be fine,” I said cheerily, “Everything will work out.”

The look on Obi-Wan’s face told me he didn’t believe my optimism either, “Be careful out there Cecil,” he said, leaning almost imperceptibly towards me.

Now was the appropriate time to nod goodbye and walk away, but it felt so much like a tragic ending that I couldn’t make myself do it. Instead I threw my arms around him, not caring who saw. He stiffened for a moment before melting, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in the crook of my neck.

“Everything will be fine,” he whispered, his voice muffled.

“I hope so,” I whispered back, not wanting to let go.

Obi-Wan broke the hug first, but he didn’t let go of me. He grasped my hands in his, briefly bringing them to his lips.

“I love you Cecil Palmarin. Whatever happens these next few days, just know I love you.”

I sighed, suddenly tears pricking at my eyes. I focused on the feeling of his hands holding mine, imagining that in another life he’d have the softest hands. But in this life - the one riddled by war and chaos - I loved the way they felt around mine, calloused palms that mirrored my own. I sniffed loudly and cleared my throat in an attempt to steady my voice, “I love you too.”

He nodded curtly like he had never doubted it for a second. I kissed him on the cheek and turned away, not doubting it either.

------

Ch. 9 - Order Sixty-Six

The explosion had blown the windows out of the building and sent me flying out the now gaping opening. There was a momentary eerie silence where alarms blared and glass scattered as I hung by my fingertips out of a Coruscant highrise. A comm outside the door, assumingly the one belonging to the trooper that had thrown the bomb into my room, blared the same message repeatedly in an eerily familiar voice: “Execute Order 66.”

And then it was a blur. More Clones flooded the room, their tones making it clear they meant to kill me. Confusion swirled in my brain as my body went on autopilot, letting go of the ledge on its own accord, landing lightly on a small outcropping a story below. In a daze I maneuvered my way to the roof where I knew there’d be extra speeders. I barely remember getting there and finding that there were no speeders, but something better: a ship. I couldn’t even stop to think about how that was my battalion of Clones trying to kill me - my soldiers who had saved my life countless times were trying to kill me.

Nothing settled into focus again until I landed on Polis Massa and ran into Obi-Wan’s arms. The weight of the day momentarily lifted in his embrace, knowing that he was here, safe and alive because the same could not be said for many others. A sob escaped me and I crumpled, tears streaking my face.

“You made it,” Obi-Wan whispered, his voice ragged with emotion.

“I did,” I whispered back, still grasping him like a lifeline, “And Anakin?”

“Gone,” he choked out, “And Ahsoka’s still missing.”

“And Padmé?” I asked, sensing I already knew the answer.

Obi-Wan didn’t reply but pulled away so he could look at me, his eyes brimming with tears. My heart jolted; I’d never seen Obi-Wan cry.

His hands reached up to my face, carefully folding my now frizzy braids behind my ears. He held my face for a moment before kissing my forehead.

“Come. We have much to do before we send the twins away,” he said, his voice strained with effort. He always did have a knack for diving into the tasks at hand when things got hard.

“Twins?” I said, my voice flying up an octave.

He almost smiled, the sparkle of light I was so used to returning to his eyes momentarily “Leia and Luke Skywalker.”

“Don’t leave me,” I whispered, suddenly feeling the weight of the impending loneliness as we stood just outside a landing bay.

Out there, I knew Bail stood waiting for Obi-Wan, waiting to hand him little Luke Skywalker to take to Tatooine, but I couldn’t pull myself away. Despite everything we had survived in the last day, I didn’t want these moments to end. Because to end this day, to walk away from these horrors would mean goodbye. It would mean walking away from a family I could never hope to have again. I was about to lose the one person I had for so long called home even as they were already beyond my reach.

“My darling,” Obi-Wan whispered back, his hands reaching to cup my face, eyes searching mine, “You have me. Until the last star in the galaxy dies, you have me.”

I choked down another sob, “I know.”

“Good,” he said, pressing his lips to my forehead before speaking once more, “May the Force be with you.”

“What do I do now?” I asked, unable to tear my gaze away from Obi-Wan’s retreating figure as Master Yoda appeared next to me.

“Become the Rebellion you do,” Master Yoda said solemnly, “Come to pass an era of light will, but first endure this darkness we must.”

I watched Obi-Wan go, his robes catching an imperceptible wind as he walked away. When he finally reached the ship he turned and looked one more time. He nodded and I felt his presence reach out in the Force, not even caring if Master Yoda was there to witness it: “I love you,” the feeling said. I said it back, letting every feeling I’ve had for him flow into the words.

I swore I saw another smug grin form on Master Yoda’s face and could almost feel him thinking that Anakin was not the only one to fall in love during this war. But I couldn’t be sure because I was wiping away tears as the ship took off. The last piece of my family, gone. Padmé dead. Anakin dead. Or worse, a sinister part of my brain whispered. The Jedi scattered across the galaxy. The Republic in shambles. Order completely lost.

It would never be the same as it was.

a/n: “You have me. Until the last star in the galaxy dies, you have me” is a quote from “Illuminae” by Amie Kaufman. I’ve never read the book but I just adore that line and how well it fits into the Star Wars Universe.

--------

Ch. 10 - Ben and Cece

It had been ten years.

I hadn’t seen his face in ten years.

But here he was flashing on my holopad as a wanted enemy of the Empire: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I almost sobbed when I saw it. Out of fear yes, but mostly of relief he was still alive. Not an hour later I got a message from Senator Organa with a request to join him on Alderaan.

I sat staring at the now silent holocom, the message gone after it played once. Something must be terribly wrong if Bail wanted me to leave my post. He knew what I was doing for the Rebellion and leaving the position unprotected was dangerous, reckless even. But doable.

A panic stricken flight to Alderon was not how I had been anticipating this day to go, but I made it. Safely docking in the private landing bay Bail had sent me to, I attempted to stretch my feelings out, feeling for something amiss. To my surprise I felt nothing. So much nothing it was almost alarming. I hadn’t felt that sort of peace in years, nearly a decade-

And that’s when I saw him.

He was standing with his back to me, the sunset beaming beyond him. The slowly fading rays of sunshine illuminated his hair making it appear red, his robes almost reminiscent of a time long before. He turned to face me at the exact moment my gaze landed on him and our eyes locked.

And then I was running across the landing pad, the last ten years disappearing because Obi-Wan Kenobi was right here. Right now.

I all but leapt into his arms, my cry of joy only muffled by the sound of his laughter. He picked me up and spun me around, warmth flooding the Force around me. I had forgotten what it was like to feel so loved.

“You’re here! How are you here?” I gasped when he set me down, holding me at arm’s length.

“I’m just a little bit more tricky to catch than the Empire thought,” he laughed, his eyes crinkling.

“But Bail was so worried. He thought that you were gone and that Leia-” I began, anxiously reaching up to smooth his hair out of his face, my hands coming to rest on his chest.

“And he was very nearly right. But she’s safe. She’s here.”

“She is?” I said, unable to keep my voice steady because I hadn’t thought this day could get better. Frankly I had expected this day to be terrible.

“Would you like to meet her?” he grinned, humor filling his voice, “She’s grown up to be so much like them.”

My heart twisted at the way he said ‘them,’ knowing he was not speaking of the Organas. He was talking about Padmé’s knack for leadership, her fierceness. He was talking about Anakin’s pride, his loyalty. Even with the joy rolling from Obi-Wan’s presence in the Force I could feel the twinge of sadness beneath.

Before I could answer I was interrupted by a little girl running across the platform - a little girl who could be no one but Leia.

“Ben! Ben! You forgot this!” she cried running up to us with a satchel in hand.

I stepped away from Obi-Wan, suddenly feeling self-conscious of our proximity. But there was no reason to be. The Jedi Order was no more and to Leia, I was just a stranger.

“Oh thank you,” he smiled, accepting the package, “I would be desolate without my dinner on my way home.”

Leia giggled, “I think you’d probably be just fine. But I wanted to make sure you got some dinner since you won’t stay and eat with us.

Obi-Wan looked down at her sadly, his eyes flickering to me, “I can’t Leia. It’s dangerous for me to stay here too long.”

“I understand,” she said, nodding matter-a-factly. Then she turned her gaze on me, “And who are you? Are you a Jedi too?”

“Why would you say that?” I asked, unable to keep the smile off my face.

“You remind me of Ben. I don’t know how but you do. Just something in the air,” she said like it was obvious.

I exchanged a look with Obi-Wan. He grinned.

“You’re very perceptive aren’t you?” I laughed.

“And you still haven’t answered my question,” she stated.

“I’m Cece,” I said, extending my hand in greeting, the nickname uncomfortable in my mouth after all these years, even more so saying it in front of Obi-Wan. But Cece and Ben sounded just as good as Cecil and Obi-Wan.

“Leia,” she said, shaking my hand, “so you are a Jedi.”

“I was,” I said carefully, “But not anymore.”

“I don’t think you stop being one. Just like Ben, you just have to believe.”

“I suppose so.”

Leia nodded like she had solved the matter entirely, “Goodbye Ben. Nice to meet you Cece. ”

She skipped away, two long braids flopping on her shoulders. Half-way across the platform she stopped and turned back to us, “And don’t forget to kiss each other goodbye. I think you should. I mean- I think you were about to.”

She said it with so much amused confidence that I couldn’t help but see Anakin as he’d been the last time I’d seen him - on that day he’d scolded us for making out in the ravine we’d ‘accidentally’ fallen into. Regardless, my face burned and Obi-Wan’s turned an equal shade of scarlett as we watched her disappear.

“Well-” I started.

But Obi-Wan cut me off, hands suddenly landing on my waist and pulling me to him, “And for the thousandth time today… she’s right.”

My gaze met his, the proximity sending my heart beating wildly in a way I scarcely remembered could happen. Not that being a part of the Rebellion had left much time for becoming emotionally close with anyone, but I was so content in existing on my own I had forgotten what it was like to exist beneath the gaze of someone who knew me so well and still loved everything about me.

We sat cross-legged on the floor of Obi-Wan’s little ship that he’d take back to Tatooine while eating the meal Leia had brought us. By some twist of fate that I was sure wasn’t luck, she’d packed enough for two.

A decade worth of stories flowed between us: mine of stoking the fire that was the Rebellion and Obi-Wan’s of watching little Luke grow up. The banter that had always existed between us was as strong as ever, almost seeming like no time had passed.

As the stars came out to twinkle in the Alderaan sky I knew our time was coming to an end. Our meal had long since been finished and we’d spilled all the secrets to each other that would have seen the Rebellion fall to pieces right then and there had the wrong ears heard us. I leaned against Obi-Wan, my head resting on his shoulder.

“Do you remember that night on Naboo? When we were sitting just like this on that balcony overlooking the lake?” Obi-Wan asked, interrupting the comfortable silence in which we’d been basking.

“Of course,” I said, the memory one of the happiest from the war, “how could I forget?”

“I feel like that right now. Like I don’t want us to ever have to get off this floor and go do whatever it is we have to do.”

“And back then, the stakes were somehow lower,” I laughed without humor.

“They were,” he said, his voice tinged with remorse, “but there was a future too. A hope that we could win and that everything would be alright. And that we’d get to experience it together.”

I shifted so I could face him, studying the way his eyes were fixed on some point in the far off past, “there is hope. There is always hope.”

“Is there? How will we ever overcome what the Empire has become?”

I took his hand in mine, gently tracing the lines on his palms, “When did you become such a pessimist? A cynic?”

“I’ve always been a cynic,” he chuckled, “but it seems an impossible task.”

“Maybe,” I said, dropping his hand and leaning to press my forehead to his. He closed his eyes as I did so. “But something is brewing. It might take another ten years, but something is coming,” I whispered.

“And you do tend to be right about these things,” he said, his eyes opening to meet mine.

“Yeah,” I grinned as he leaned closer and I could feel his smile against my lips, so familiar it seemed impossible we had been apart for ten years, “But hopefully this time for the better rather than worse.”

He chuckled, the sound warm and comforting. He closed the miniscule distance between us, lips on mine careful, tentative even. But that didn’t last long. The kiss was filled with a desperate sense of goodbye, a farewell that he couldn’t bear to say out loud. Eventually he pulled away, both of us breathless.

“Goodbye Obi-Wan,” I said softly, knowing that if I didn’t say it now I might not ever get the chance.

“I hope not,” he said, smiling lightly.

“Me too. But if it is, I want to make sure I got the chance to say it.”

Another goodbye after the thousands we’d already said and I was standing alone in the landing bay watching his ship disappear into the horizon. It was the millionth time I watched him go, not knowing if I would ever see him again.

-------

Ch. 11 - Goodbye?

I was on a ship to Yavin 4 when I received the message, something coded and from an unknown signal. I knew who it was without opening it.

I was alone, finally having left my undercover post and heading to the base of operations where things were changing - where the Rebellion wanted me to become General Palmarin again.

It felt like fate: on my way to the Rebel base of operations after so many years of working in the shadows, driving the Resistance forward - only to hear Obi-Wan's voice again. It was the timbre I remembered and adored, the man whose soft spoken tone had the ability to command armies and sway empires. But as was all too common, it was filled with deep sadness.

My heart swelled when his face came into view, older and showing the time he had spent on a desert planet with twin suns. But it was still Obi-Wan, his smile lines prominent, the ever-present twinkle to his gaze still there, regardless of his grim tone.

“I’ve just killed Maul,” he said, the hologram flickering faintly, “He found me on Tatooine. I don’t know how, but he did. So I’m going dark.”

He chuckled, interrupting himself, “that was dramatic, I sound like-”

He stopped himself and I felt tears forming. I could see him visibly choke up, unable to say his name even after all this time, “This might be the last time you hear from me. At least until- until the time is right.”

Obi-Wan smiled suddenly, “The kid, he’s strong in the Force you know. Really strong. He could change the course of history again. As could his sister. As you know.”

I smiled this time, tears falling rapidly knowing that I would only get to hear the message once, that it would self-destruct the file the moment it concluded.

“So I hope this isn’t goodbye, but it might be. And I’m sorry if it is. I love you Cecil. Don’t forget it,” he paused and it felt like he was staring right at me, like he was right there in front of me, “may the Force be with you, my darling.”

-------

Ch. 12 - Goodbye.

Content warning: grief

A day ago thousands of souls reached out and then were silent. And I did not know what it was.

Hours later we found it to be the destruction of Alderaan.

An hour ago one soul reached out, one so familiar it was like the other half of me. And then it was silent. And I knew what happened.

Obi-Wan was gone.

I had been asleep, fitfully so because I felt a deep tension in the Force, something shifting in the balance. Yavin 4 was peaceful, serene even, and I had been getting excellent sleep here over the past two years so it was unusual.

But the fluttering of tension in the Force woke me. Something wasn’t right, like the Force was screaming at me to do something, anything, but I did not know what I was supposed to do.

Because it knew, it knew what was coming.

I’d taken a walk through the compound, the hanger doors wide open to let in the cool summer night. It was quiet, I’d even checked over the compound for anything out of place. A far off watchman saluted me and I nodded back, not willing to break the silence. The clouds shifted, revealing a rarely seen glow from another moon.

In that moment I felt it, the presence I had not felt in years, as if he was right there with me - as if Obi-Wan were about to reach out and touch me on the shoulder.

But then he was gone. Really and truly gone. I hadn’t ever before realized that I had always faintly felt him. But suddenly he was not there, like a breath ripped from my lungs.

I fell to my knees, a sob escaping me, my body crumpling. There was no doubt in my mind, in fact I’d never been more certain of anything: Obi-Wan Kenobi was gone.

I faintly made out the watchman’s footsteps nearing me, her footfalls hurried, but I shut them out. Even when the woman reached down to touch me I couldn’t help it, the Force exploded from me, sending her flying, her body seeming to soar through the air in slow motion. Almost without my permission the Force caught her, cushioning her fall.

This all happened in silence, even the crash of the woman hitting the ground seemed muffled to me. Because my entire life was playing before me, everything I had ever done included him. There was not a moment he was not there, at least in thought, with the knowledge that I could return to him as a safe place, a home. He was a stationary point in a constantly moving universe, something solid to hold on too when the world seemed to spin too fast.

But he was gone. I knew it more certainly than if I had watched him die, more certainly than if I had held him in my arms while he breathed his last breath.

And the Universe grieved with me. She even shed tears - I could hear them falling outside - mourning the other half of my soul.

I think I stayed there for hours, far into the early hours of the morning until someone came to get me, to tell me that they had to land a ship in the landing bay and I was in the way. I met the gaze of Jan Dodonna, his eyes soft, waiting .

“He’s gone,” I whispered, voice breaking and heart shattering, “Obi-Wan is gone.” “I’m sorry,” General Dodonna said, “I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.”

I nodded, my tears falling anew. I let him almost pick me up, barely cognisant of my feet moving. In the nearly two years I had been on Yavin 4 he knew me best, frankly he was one of the very few people I knew from before the Republic fell.

General Dodonna ushered me out of the landing bay, gently depositing me in an unused meeting room. I flopped into a chair, my limbs numb, my heart empty. He knelt down in front of me looking worried but his eyes sparkled with a glimmer of hope I barely recognized.

“Take your time,” he started, “But I think you’ll want to meet the kids about to get off this ship.”

“Kids?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Leia Organa,” he smiled, “And a boy she said came from Tatooine.”

-------

Ch. 13 - Hope

The ship docks and Leia runs down the gangplank first, a man and two droids following. I let out a sob at the sight of them, the familiar tottling of the gold plated one, the sassy chatter of the second following closely behind.

And someone else. Someone who feels immediately like Anakin but with the softness of Padmé. But not Leia, it’s not just Leia I’m feeling.

It’s Luke.

Leia’s twin strides down after her, his gait confident as his mother’s, chin held high enough that I can see his father’s arrogance. The twins, together at last and they don’t even know it.

A smile breaks across my face through the tears and I laugh because the next era of Skywalkers changing the course of history has just stepped foot in the base of Rebel operations.

The droids reach me before the scruffy looking pilot and Leia do.

“Artoo!” I exclaim, kneeling down in front of him, where have you been?”

He beeps affectionately in response, but adds a snarky comment that makes me feel more loved than his initial welcoming greeting.

“Oh, do you know R2?” C-3PO asks, coming to stand beside us.

“3PO of course I do!”

I seem to stun the droid into silence for half a second by the fact I knew his name and called him by a shortened version of it, “And next you’ll be telling me I know you too I suppose?”

“In another life, yes,” I smiled, “we all knew each other very well.”

“Stupid mindwipes,” he mutters, seeming to shake his head before tottling off.

I hug Leia briefly before she turns to business with General Dodonna. My heart contracts at the thought of how many times Padme had done the same.

I nod to Luke in greeting, extending my hand, “I’m Cece,” I say, the name sounding foreign in my mouth even after so many years of going by the nickname. And it hurts to not introduce myself to Anakin’s son as myself.

“Nice to meet you General,” Luke nods respectfully.

I frown, “How did you-”

“You have the aura of someone in charge,” he grins.

I smile, unsure of what else to say. But I can’t say nothing because I want to know, to be sure, “he was with you wasn’t he?”

“Who?” Luke asks, his eyebrows knitting in a way that was so deeply reminiscent of Anakin I almost start to cry again.

“Obi-Wan- Or Ben. He probably asked you to call him that.”

Luke’s face lights up and falls at the same time, “You knew him?”

“Of course I knew him,” I said smiling.

“He’s, ah, he’s gone you know-” he said, his voice quieting.

“I know.”

“On that battle station, Darth Vader killed him.”

It shocks me, even though I already knew it to be true, that the remnant of Anakin would strike him down. I see the sadness in Luke’s eyes and know I can’t let him see mine because it will give too much away. Too much that he shouldn’t know yet.

But he sees it anyway, or rather, I think he feels it. I feel his Force signature shift in a way that shakes me because it is so full of feeling, of passion, just as Anakin was. And even if he doesn’t know what it means yet, he feels me feel it. He feels the slight shift in my presence and the deep sadness that I cannot hold in. At the same moment, I feel Leia’s eyes on me too and have to keep myself from sobbing because the Skywalkers can’t help but have a powerful presence in the Force. It is who they are.

This all happens in a flash that no one else seems to notice. Luke nods like he understands something new and Leia averts her eyes like she knows I don’t want to share my grief yet.

“Ben mentioned you. Cecil, right?” Luke asks, a fresh respect and near awe in his eyes, “General Palmarin. Master Palmarin.”

I smile, unable to hide it this time, “And what cautionary tales did he tell of me?”

Luke smiles in return and responds in a tone older than his years “Only that he missed you. And that you were,” he corrected himself, “that you are the best Jedi of the age.”

I grin, the compliment warming me just as much as if Obi-Wan was here to say it. My heart swells as I watch Luke go, wishing with all my heart that I could stay, that I could train him.

But that is not my job. My job is done. The rebellion has wings. It has hope. This is the beginning of the end.

-------

Playlist:

Yours - Conan Gray

Love Of My Life - Harry Styles

As It Was - Harry Styles

Brooklyn Baby - Lana Del Rey

Dancing With Our Hands Tied - Taylor Swift

Another Love - Tom Odell

Complete Mess - 5 Seconds of Summer

One More Weekend - Maude Latour

Supercut - Lorde