#the first time i was paying attention as it changed was genuinely fucking horrifying

[wryn-redacted-thrives]

i’m fighting the brain fog so hard rn that i got my internal voice back, except it’s just screaming. my thoughts aren’t being narrated, just my suffering

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

I'm a little tired of seeing the 'Stolas should have defended Blitz at Ozzies!!!!' posts/takes. 1. Blitz caused that entire situation. Start to finish. He wasn't supposed to be there, he wasn't there under genuine pretenses, and he shouldn't have said anything when Moxxie was coming under fire.

But but but, you say, Moxxie was being bullied! Blitz was standing up for his friend!!!! He's protective that way!!!! You aren't wrong, but if you notice, Moxxie doesn't actually seem that upset or flustered by what Ozzie and Fizz are doing. After they go after him the first time, he continues singing his original song, not changing a thing, fully unintimidated. Moxxie is a sweet, sensitive boy, but he's also strong, smart, and not a delicate little princess. He's not happy he's under fire and being mocked, he's upset his moment is being bashed and ruined, but he's also standing his ground and dealing with it.

Blitz had good intentions but he only escalated a situation further and made everything much worse, as well as bringing the fire towards himself- and his red buttons are much bigger and easily pressed then Moxxie's. (Also, if you watch Moxxie's face, he looks horrified when Blitz speaks up. It's very, very possible that he knows Verosika is there already (and that's part of why he didn't want Blitz there.) 2. Stolas did get up to help. Go and watch Ozzie's again guys. He rises when Verosika gets Blitz backed against the stage, pupils showing, concerned and upset. Everything about his body language after that suggests he fully intends to step in. I've seen people accuse Stolas of trying to sneak out during this moment, and if you pay even an iota of attention that's clearly wrong.

Then, he is dragged into the spotlight. Called out, put under a microscope, and physically, bodily manhandled. Stolas is shy. He is introverted. He has been kept isolated from basically everyone his entire life. He's terrified of losing his daughter. He's ashamed of what happened to him. He's a mother fucking abuse survivor. And now he is being called out, confronted, and harassed over something he's just barely coming to terms with himself.

Of course he didn't react super well to that. Of course he wasn't the white knight blazing in to save Blitz.

What did ya'll who think this want him to do, stand up, yell I LOVE BLITZ THE IMP AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS????? at the top of his lungs, magically shedding every ounce of trauma, changing his personality to a brazen extrovert, and learning a lifetime of social skills all in that one moment through the power of love? He hid behind his menu because he is shy. He is scared. He is traumatized. Not because he's ashamed. But because all ya'll are so focused on Blitz, on his trauma and his hurt (and he is traumatized and hurt, and he has the right to be, and no one is downplaying that) that you're choosing to overlook Stolas's in favor of just saying he's a big ol' mean meanie. And finally:

3. Blitz brought that night on himself. Look, I'm sorry. Blitz wasn't supposed to be there. He had many, many opportunities to rethink his rash, impulsive, hasty choices that night. Many, many chances to reconsider lying to his situationship, taking advantage of Stolas's naive eagerness to be around him, sneaking into a place his friends don't want him to be, speaking up in defense of Moxxie- all of it. I am not saying he deserved what happened. I am saying that he brought Stolas there under false pretenses, went somewhere he wasn't supposed to go, and then stirred the pot. He did this because he's traumatized. Because he's lonely. because he's protective. Because he's desperately and not mentally well and hurting deeply and doesn't think Stolas sees him as anything but a fuck toy- or at least, wants to think that. Doesn't dare hope it could be more because he's not allowed to have more.

But he still did it.

[foxstens]

been playing slow damage and must rant (spoilers)

so far i have finished two routes, namely rei and taku, in that order.

the game is seriously impressive in some parts, like the setting and the production values and some of the character writing - it really feels like a lot of love was put into it. and honestly, it has some of the best written h-scenes i've seen, at least outside of the bad endings. but boy does it fumble hard, in my opinion

first of all, the system fucking sucks. the exploration and psychology parts are mostly unvoiced and they really just serve as a distraction, at least to me. the psychology parts especially are so annoying, and literally all of them so far have felt completely pointless - they don't do anything that couldn't be resolved in normal dialogue dgjlksgfkfd

i mostly loved rei's route, i found it interesting and engaging and well-executed. loved the overall premise, the side characters, the romance, and rei himself. i didn't love that he changed his way of speaking towards the end but that's more of a personal preference thing, it was explained and it did make sense for his character.

his bad ending however. i don't get disturbed easily, like there's very little i can't read with a straight face in fiction, but this bad ending was fucking horrifying. it threw the crux of his character and his relationship with towa out the window and made no sense considering the route as a whole. like, yea, bad endings are supposed to be bad but i still like them to be well-written or something. i can't really put into words why i thought it was genuinely terrible but i just did not like it.

taku's route was kind of pointless. i did pay attention the entire time but just barely, and i didn't have a great time. i just don't feel like i learned a lot from this route, i don't feel like it contributes to the overall story, and i definitely don't feel like i have a handle on taku's personality or thoughts even now.

i do not understand him as a person therefore i do not know if i like him. the romance buildup is non-existent and it also doesn't do a lot for towa's character - most of the stuff that happens to him really has no reason to be in there and due to the romance being like that i didn't feel much development from him. it kind of makes an effort to set you up for the next routes probably, but the side characters were nowhere near as strong as the ones in rei's route

taku's bad ending is also strangely similar to rei's and i hate it. since i don't have a firm handle on taku's personality i can't say if it was OOC but holy shit was it horrifying. i just feel like the bad endings should be more interesting and thought-provoking and believable rather than just shock value. but that's just my opinion

but yea it's definitely a good game, i am having a good time and i'm very interested in the next routes - i hope i'll get to see good things happening to towa one day maybe :(

[corvinearcher]

So, I feel like since my art is already inconsistent, the way i draw and type about my headcannons is madddd confusing. Like, I know I don't draw ANY of them correctly. Or draw good in general lmao. But I just wanna share some of my headcannons or whatever idk I can't draw I'm on a road trip this is as good of a post you're gonna get.

So the Makaras, they're tall. Like okay I think all of the fuscias are tall as shit. I mean look at mommy- I mean Condescension, she's tall as FUCK. So I think that's just a grand blood thing. Like grandhighblood. He's obviously fucking HUGE. Tall, buff, all that horrifying shit that can murdle someone EASILY. So I mean, Kurloz imo is tall and lanky. But obviously we all see wtf he becomes so I mean, yeah. But gamzee, tall and scrawny as shit. He's got mental issues man, he probably forgets to eat for days on end. Dude eats slime for breakfast lunch and dinner, that ain't gonna do much. But yeah all the makaras and fuscias are tall as shit imo.

Colors. The whole nails and eyes being some derivative of yellow seems weird to me. Like I know they're aliens and shit but it just seems out of place. I think they all have tint of their blood color for their skin. Their nails are like either lighter or darker version of their blood color too, and their eyes are tinted the same way because ours do the same thing. I'm thinking about logical anatomy here you guys. And also the base of their horns, I put their blood color caus it's legit coming outta their head. THEY CAN FEEL THEIR HORNS THERE'S BLOOD IN THERE RIGHT? OR SOMETHING? IDK. But also, for those thinking "Karkat wouldn't survive if his skin was tinted" I don't understand that first part, but since his color is so close to rush bloods, one glance and you can't tell the difference. I headcannons it as Slsome trolls are darker shades, some lighter, some less tinted some more. That's why gamzees so dark compared to like, idk sollux. Lighter colors darker colors, y'all get it.

Also I'm gonna use this post to say, I don't portray the characters very well, and I'm sorry about that. I have specific and strong headcannons, and I don't know them all very well. I don't know how everyone sees and accepts people's versions of each character. I read this shit once. I'm going to read homestuck again (duh) but this is all off of information from one read. I also have ADHD I did NOT pay attention. Apologies for that, thanks for understanding.

Okay next one, I draw all of them veryyyy differently than the original. Like, I draw equius older than the original. Actually that's everybody. Nobody is 13 when i draw them unless it's specific. Take like, my sketches of Aradia and Sollux. They're look an assignment older because they are. So like with equius, i draw him with long hair, a lot taller, buffer, and overall change the personality if he got more comfortable with th people around him and how the world changes. That's why he talks so slack usually. I like to think he grows from his whole hemospectrum "I gotta live up to this" shit and learns to just live. Oh also I chang th outfits because I like to add more personality. The originals don't have much detail and it's fun to add them. Like nepetas outfit, crop tops an sweatpants cause that kitty be WORKIN. But yeah none of my interpretations of them are good nor correct. It's just how I see them, sorry if ya don't like em.

I forget the horns 99% of the time. I have no excuse I genuinely have no object permanence. I forget gloves, horns, nails, teeth, colors, clothing LITERALLY EVERYTHING. I'M JUST STUPID OKAY I FORGET A LOTTA SHIT. I usually run all my shit by my friend first before posting because I keep forgetting shit. It's a genuine problem. Hopefully it'll be fixed after drawing all of them for a while but, I just don't know.

(Before this paragraph, when I say "kin" I mean like I relate to and feel a lot alike a character. Okay kool)

The funniest thing is, I kin dave more than I do equius, but I drew him ONCE and never posted it. I was reading as dave the entire few weeks of the first read and I was like "damn these cats are kookin that's literally me I'm fucking dave." and like, love him, simp for him, he's fucking amazing. But I just find it so funny that I only post troll shit and never any human shit. I love Janey and Dave and John and shit but I never say anything about them lmao. I mean my blog name is CorvineArcher. Color of crows (Dave) Archer, we already know XD.

Gamzee is a hardcore stoner and nepeta joins him.

D -- > Nepeta, please, this is getting out of hand.

:33 < Stop being a fucking LOSER EQUIHISS JOIN US.

D -- > You're turning into foul creatures.

dAmN rIgHt MoThErFuCkEr :o)

Anyway another headcannon is like, all this shit took place in early 2000s,so that's how I make the style. Vriska has emo fringe hair I don't make the rules. There's an asston of jeans and converse and overall AMAZING fashion. Anyone who disagrees is a fucking loser who probably thinks shein is the only place to shop.

Alright I think that's it. If not I'll just make another post lol. In conclusion, my art is shit and I love fictional men. Thanks for hearing me out. Haha.

Thnks, mngmnt.

[iaal]

Hi there, this is probably quite an odd request but how about Adultrio + Pariston with a S/O who is horrible in bed? Like, the S/O in question makes tons of dick deflating comments & jokes. Can’t give a blowjob to save their life, touches like they are patting a dog or horse etc?

Thanks for the ask that was fun to write!The hc takes place after the first night with the reader, not a crush anymore but not a s/o yet because for most of them I don’t imagine them letting the situation last. It’s a tad crackish, except for Pariston, I always end up writing him darker than what I had planned.

Hisoka:

*Cracks knuckles*

Looks like there’s a lot of work awaiting him.

He would only put up with it with someone he was interested for others reasons, mostly fighting, and he’d think it would be a waste to just walk out of the door and never come back.

He just can’t believe how someone can be THAT bad at something supposedly instinctual.

That in itself would amaze him, to be this atrocious it’d almost be an art form.

Bluntly, after your first night together he would tell you that for the first time in his life he was genuinely unsure if he could finish.

Of course he did, it’s Hisoka, but the admission coupled with his dumbfounded expression would make a point of how arduous it was because of you.

But worry not, his ego just can’t let him pass on the opportunity to show his worth as a teacher so it’s not game over yet.

Sure, he could just gag and bind you and do all the work but it wouldn’t fix the core of the problem.

Besides, it’d get old fast if that was the only option.

He’d be surprisingly diligent in his lesson.

Sex, even the fun kind he likes, is serious business.

Hisoka would start from the very start, not even the touching part yet.

The first lesson would be how to not absolutely murder the mood with your remarks.

For that he’d put his hand between your legs, caressing you very slowly to work you up and building up a rhythm, encouraging you to be vocal.

If you make any comments that break the mood he would stop for a bit and resume from the beginning, going back to his sluggish pace and gradually increasing the movements of his hand again.

For the next part he’d not shy away to show you directly how he wants to be touched, explaining his favorite spots and the right way to handle him.

The only thing left would be to put your newfound knowledge in practice.

After a few days and many trials and errors he’d at least make a decent lay out of you.

Now that you’ve got a grasp on the basics the real fun would begin.

He stills has a lot more to teach you until you’re ready to pass his class.

Chrollo:

He’d try, really try, to not say anything at first.

After all, a first time with a new partner is rarely great, maybe you were nervous and it’ll get better after a few try.

But as you didn’t show any sign of improving he’d have to face reality: you have no idea what you’re doing –  worst, you seem to unintentionally sabotage his own effort to show you the right way.

That would pretty much kill his libido for a while and Chrollo would weight the pros and the cons to just end it here and there.

The choice wouldn’t be easy, he wouldn’t have wanted you to begin with if you didn’t interest him and you had no value outside of the bedroom.

And when the balance tilts more towards the pros than the cons he’d decide that it’s time to put some efforts in the relationship.

Without saying that you’re awful, he’d tell you that the sex isn’t great for him and if you’d be okay with letting him try some different things.

Namely absolute obedience in bed.

Normally Chrollo already tends to be dominant but he’d still be flexible and wouldn’t have a problem giving up control, or at least as much control as he’d allow.

Not with you. You can’t have nice things.

He’d direct your every moves and the only words authorized out of your mouth would be the ones he asked you to repeat.

Once he sets a goal for himself he invest himself a hundred percent in it and he’d be a strict instructor.

Of course he’d make it enjoyable for you too, not wanting you to end up disliking sex with him but going halfhearted would lead to punishment.

The problem would be that Chrollo can easily deal with someone who’d fight for dominance, he can deal with brats, he can deal with a shy inexperienced partner… but you… you’re just bad.

Even when you try your earnest to follow his instruction the result would somehow still be terrible.

As if you were tone deaf, but for sex, like sex deaf.

He’d still intend to finish what he had started and he’d have faith in himself, he know that with enough time and dedication he’d get the results he wants.

If you have to spend 3 hours a day with his cock in your mouth until you suck him right so be it.

Illumi:

The least bothered of the lots.

He doesn’t really need you to be an active participant and he’s selfish enough in bed to get his own pleasure as long as your legs are open for him.

Your comments and jokes would met his deadpan gaze and an order to shut up if it’s too distracting but he himself would be well versed in the art of awkward remarks.

Illumi only really shines in bed when he’s a bit pushed to make effort.

If you don’t challenge him out of his comfort zone he’d do the absolute minimum as foreplay and piston inside you to finish.

So it would be a match made in heaven but not a very enjoyable one.

Sure you could ask him to get you off but he wouldn’t put much effort into it.

You’d have to get better in bed by yourself if you want to be satisfied and that means finding the words that would work on him and how to get him really worked up.

Enough for him to really get in the mood and not use you as a glorified fleshlight.

Without guidance the road would be strenuous to say the least, not only you but you’d have to make Illumi follow suits.

With both of you being the bottom of the barrel in term of sexual prowess, and Illumi being fine with that, you’d have to carry the both of you.

Porn and online forum would be your only help with various degree of success, it’s not like you still had friends to call and you’d be too mortified to ask the butlers.

You’d want to give up more than once, to just lie on the bed and take it but after a few weeks you’d start to see changes.

Illumi would let you suck him off for more than a couple of minutes, he would insist a bit longer on the zone that just earned him a sweet sound from you…

A few month in and your hard work would really start to pay off.

You’d start to know some of Illumi’s button to push and he’d pay enough attention to get you off without you asking.

There would still be a long road ahead but you did it, you can finally stop counting the cracks on the ceiling.

Pariston:

He would be delight with the fact that you’re a disaster in bed.

Never in a million year he’d have imagine that you, the target of all of his attention and affection, would be that big of a disappointment.

And that alone would make it even more worth it.

Pariston would be torn between the need to humiliate you immediately or playing the long game to be sure to make maximal damage.

Eventually he’d want to play with you longer.

He’d put all this heart on making you feel good, making you cum as long as your body can take it, not stopping for your cringy lines, even encouraging you to do as you please.

He’ll be sure to be prepare for all the next times.

Without you knowing he’d start to film you.

Even if the sex was lacking, the thought of the shame you’d feel when he’ll reveal that you had an extensive bad porn filmography and had no idea would be enough to make him hard.

In your everyday life he’d already start to show subtle signs of abuse and would solidify his control on you.

In bed he’d make no effort to guide you, you’d be as bad as your first time.

When he’s sure that you’re irremediably hooked he’d show you his videos collection and you’d have no choice but watch it all.

Not only it would be mortifying to know he has immortalized all of your intimate moments on tape you’d be horrified to see by yourself how bad you are.

The worst being the Pariston in the videos.

In all the positions where you couldn’t see his face he’d be stifling a laughter or biting his hand to not let you hear his hilarity.

You’d be completely floored to notice that more that once he’d use his phone to look at porn to finish, that would explain why he loved doggy-style and blind folding you so much.

It would be shattering and you’d spent all night watching, with Pariston beside you making comment on the funniest part, this time laughing openly.

He’d fuck you at the end of the last video.

You’d be silent and motionless, the perfect broken doll.

[claymorecut]

YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE LOVE WHEN YOU CAN’T STOP LOVING YOUR WIFE EVEN WHEN SHE GROWS A PAIR OF KINTAMA

A GinTsu fanfic

Word Count: 8072

A/N: This fic is long. And messy. And I wanted to write this for a really long time. Hope you guys enjoy! <3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Huh? When did I get here..?’

Standing under the scorching afternoon sun, this is the first thought that crosses the silver-haired samurai’s mind. The familiar crossroad bustled with people as Gintoki scrunches his eyes and shields them from the blinding sunlight. Not long ago was he lying on his precious couch in his cozy little apartment, so how come is he now standing on the middle of Yoshiwara? Oh yes, he was already on his way to pay his busy wifey a visit.

‘Must be the heat, I might’ve lost track of when I reached here.’ Rubbing his eyes which seems to itch a little, the man decided to make his way towards the infamous tea-house. It has been months since he last visited Yoshiwara but the true reason he’s here today is because he wants to see his wife. For the last few weeks, Tsukuyo has been coming home late due to work and to his disappointment - and sure enough, hers as well - they hardly get the chance to spend time together.

Of course, like always, Gintoki stays the same, good, supportive husband who doesn’t constantly nag his wife about her workaholic nature and busy schedule but right now, perhaps, he has started to feel a little lonely. And as cheesy as it sounds in his thirty-five years old mind, Gintoki really misses her. Not just the sex or the long, passionate kisses, but he really misses spending quality time with her. Seriously, when was the last time the two sat down and read their favorite manga series together? More importantly, their second anniversary is only a few dates away and this time, he wants to surprise her with something special. Something that can help the Tsukuyo take a break from her job and relax.

The former city of night appears as same as ever with people busy with their daily work. A few Hyakka members patrolled the streets, in case of any transgression. However, far away in front of another tea house, Gintoki catches a small crowd of woman swarming a large, tanned man, most likely flirting with him while he seems to be going along with them playful pokes and giggles. Due to his back facing him, he can’t get a clear look on the unfamiliar man except for his wide back and blond hair which perfectly contrasted his bronze skin. No wonder so many women were flocking around him, he appears to be quite a good-looking man.

“Oh Gin-san, how have you been?” The delighted owner of the tea house was greets him as he walks inside.

“Usual, I guess.” The man simply replied and takes a seat on one of the benches, facing her. “I just saw this guy outside. You guys hired a new bodyguard?”

At his curious question, Hinowa gives him a confused look. “No. We haven’t had new recruits for quite some time now.”

“Oh.”

“So, Gin-san.” Hinowa asks, changing the subject. “What brings you here?”

While Hinowa gives him her signature smile, Gintoki finds the situation quite odd. Wouldn’t a teasing “Here to see Tsukuyo~” with her playful smirk have made more sense?

‘Perhaps, she’s gotten used to it.’ His mind reasoned back as he brushed off the thought.

“Uh…well, I was basically here to meet Tsukuyo but I was thinking of taking her on a trip for our anniversary.” Looking down, he nervously rubs the back of his neck. He may have been a married man now but even still, showing his rather romantic side of his in front of anyone except Tsukuyo makes him a little…flustered.

“You know how she is with her ‘I don’t want anythin’’ and stuff. That woman has been working constantly for ages and she really needs to get some rest! I never thought choosing a gift for a woman would be this tough, let alone surprising her but it’s her we’re talking about after all….So, I thought maybe you can suggest me something.”

After finishing up his chattering, Gintoki looks back up at her with a flushed face, only to find Hinowa confusedly blinking at him. “…Eh? Anniversary?”

The man knits his brows. “Don’t tell me you forgot?”

“Forgot what?”

“My and Tsukuyo’s anniversary.”

“But when did you get marri-“

“What’s goin’ on?” A deep and surprisingly familiar voice came from behind the silver-haired man.

“Oh, Tsukuo. Did you know Gin-san got married? He just told me.”

“What? When?”

“I don’t know…maybe he’s talking about someone else…”

This casual exchange of words sounded strange. But what sounded stranger is the name of the man who is talking with Hinowa. Who is now standing right beside him. Perplexed at this sudden change of events, Gintoki slowly turns to his side to find the very same tanned and muscular man he has seen before entering the tea house standing who now looked at him and gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.

“Yo, Mr. Husband. Did ya forget to invite us or what?” The man named Tsukuo teases him.

And Gintoki felt all the blood drain off his face.

He knew something was off. Really off. And as he got the closer look of the man’s face, the more he finds himself horrified. “W-who are you?”

The large man quirked one of his brows and then looks back at Hinowa, directing his thumb at Gintoki. “Is he okay?”

“He looked fine before. Gin-san, you look pale. Are you okay?”

No. No, he isn’t. Because this doesn’t look right. And no matter how much he tries, his brain has now failed to process the entire situation as Gintoki finds his eyes fixated at the buff man who looks shockingly familiar. Blond hair, violet eyes, the familiar black kimono decorated with autumn leaves and the infamous scar that he has gotten accustomed to kissing - Gintoki has been seeing all these features for years now.

In his wife.

Pointing a shaky finger at the large man, Gintoki felt his voice turn into a mere, almost squeaky, whimper “Hinowa-san….what happened to my Tsukuyo?” He could no longer contain the shock and disbelief in his voice. No way is this happening!

“Tsukuyo?” At this, the raven-haired woman looks puzzled. “But that’s Tsukuo.”

“I-I know..but…did some strange light fell from the sky and changed her sex? Like how it happened last time in the Dekobokko arc?” Each syllable he stutters makes his heart race a little faster. “What happened to Tsukuyo?”

“….Gin-san, what’re talking about? There’s no one named Tsukuyo here.”

His mouth falls agape. “Hinowa-san, please don’t joke like this.”

“But….I’m not joking, Gin-san….”

“Then…you’re saying my wife…is now…a man..?”

Suddenly he feels a large hand on his shoulder, probing him to look at the other direction which he was so badly trying to avoid. “Are ya outta your mind, ya bastard?” His said wife says up loudly, sounding quite offended by his genuine question. “I’ve always been a man.”

.

..

…

‘WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?’

*****

“Of course Tsukuo-dono has always been a man.”

“Who doesn’t know about the King of Night in Edo, Danna?”

“Gin-san~ Why are you suddenly so interested in that bastard when I’m right here~”

“Oi, Sarutobi. I’m right here - By the way, why’re you asking around if Tsukuo has always been a guy or not? Did you lose your memories or something?”

Nobody remembers. Nobody.

For the last three hours, Gintoki has been running around the city of Edo after dashing out of Yoshiwara, just so he can find out whether the unearthly Dekobokko cultist have made their comeback or not.  Unfortunately, nothing of that sort has happened. In fact, after asking Kyubei, Saachan and the Shinsengumi who once turned into the opposite gender knows nothing this uncanny event of his wife turning into the male version of her. Actually, his wife never swapped genders even when they did.

And every time he frantically asked the same damn question, their responses also stayed the same - “But Tsukuo has always been a man. We don’t know anyone named Tsukuyo.”

The statement itself is like a tight slap on his face. But what hurts more is that she is no longer here. Nobody remembers their marriage and…nobody remembers her.

His ring is gone.

All the wedding pictures and albums he once had in their little house are all missing.

And now that he looks at the empty shelf where they once had a beautiful framed picture of them kissing on their wedding day, Gintoki slumps down on the floor as he ponders about this absurdity he is currently in. Wasn’t it just this morning when he saw his wife leave for work before giving him a quick peck on his lips? Wasn’t it just a few hours ago when was planning to surprise his wife on their second anniversary? But now it feels like he is in a completely different world. And suddenly he is back to the same ol’ single and unmarried Sakata Gintoki who no longer has the amazing badass blond bombshell of a wife by his side.

In this sorry state, Gintoki recalls a memory from the morning where his favorite weather girl, Ketsuno Ana was announcing today’s horoscope predictions.

“For Libras, today, you may find yourself in an uncanny situation. Perhaps, your love life will be tested today under very confusing conditions but let me tell you, do not give up hope. As long as you believe in yourself and your partner, everything will turn out just fine.” The woman gave a bright smile from behind the screen as he flicked the TV off.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?” The utterly confused and enraged man yelled at the ceiling without paying any attention to what his neighbors are going to think. Confusing!? No, this is a hellish situation! “OI WRITER! WHY WON’T YOU JUST LET ME LIVE AS A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN!?”

Even breaking the fourth wall didn’t work. Finding himself alone in the bland living room, Gintoki hopelessly looks down on the floor and then at his empty left ring finger, gently rubbing it. He is not a sappy man, never has been, but truthfully, the empty finger does not suit him anymore.

The day he found out Tsukuyo had been in love with him throughout the runtime of the series was the day realized how much of lucky bastard he has been to have someone like her in his life. Idiot he might have been for not acting on his feeling but the day he took his vows was day he promised he will not let go of her. Ever.

‘Then why the hell is this going on…?’

A knock on his door interrupts Gintoki and he lets out a heavy sigh. If it was any other day, he would definitely have answered the door. But right now, ignoring it seems like a better option. Must be the baba is what he thinks and then stands up from his place to go look for some strawberry milk in the fridge. Maybe that can help him cool down…even just a little. Another two knocks, this time louder, tries to get his attention but he chooses not to respond again. No way is he in the mood to have a chat with someone.

“Oi Gintoki! I know you’re in there!” A voice calls out for him. A very familiar voice that he just wants to…avoid right now.

However, his mission fails instantly when another knock comes in, making him rub his already throbbing temple.

Groaning, Gintoki turns the other way to greet the unwanted guest in his house. Well, technically that was her- oh sorry, his house too, but according to the current situation, calling him a guest seems more appropriate. Sliding the main door open - and deep down, wishing it’s Tsukuyo standing there – he finds the male version of his wife nonchalantly smoking from the signature kiseru with his muscular arms folded under his well-toned chest. His blond hair is now tied in a small ponytail and damn, he is a few inches taller than him.

“Why did ya run away like that?” Tsukuo asks, putting down his kiseru. And while he refuses to admit, Gintoki can clearly hear the concern in his voice which seems so…familiar. But this isn’t her.

“Just had something to do.” Shrugging, Gintoki tiredly looks at the man. “I don’t know what I was saying, sorry about that.” He lies, really not in the mood to explain whatever this is. And possibly, this man will not believe him.

“Okaaay.” Tsukuo trails off, confused at his dismissive behavior. “You okay now? You seemed a little off back in Yoshiwara.”

Oh, can he just stop resembling her so much!?

“Yeah. Can you just leave me alone? I’m gonna get some sleep now, my head hurts” He knows he is being an ass but this is for the better. Tiredly, he slides the door close only to find a tight grip on the doorframe and shoves it open again.

“Hey. What’s wrong with you?” Tsukuo asks, slightly annoyed as he bends a little forward to look into the silver-haired man’s eyes. “First you act like you’ve seen a ghost and now you’re actin’ like an asshole?”

Hearing this, a vain pops in his head. He really can’t catch a break, can he? First, he sees his wife turn into this extremely handsome and muscular man who has lost all memories of their marriage and now, he’s supposed to explain why he is acting like this like a madman!?

“So, how else am I supposed to act, huh!? Act like everything’s normal when it’s actually NOT!?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!?” Tsukuo snaps back, confused at his sudden outburst. “Isn’t this normal, you moron!?”

“Oh yeah!?” Gintoki grits his teeth, feeling fumes coming out of his ears. “Maybe it would have if my married life hadn’t been suddenly erased from existence!”

“And when the hell did you get married!?”

“ ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO ON 21ST JUNE, AT THE END OF SPRING!” Gintoki screams out, making the passerbys look above at the two men who are now engaged in a heated argument.

“What the-!?”

Scoffing loudly, Gintoki throws his hands up in the air in utter defeat. “See! This is what I’m talking about! A few hours ago, I was a happily married man, planning to surprise my wifey for our second marriage anniversary and suddenly, I see everything is gone! Poof! Vanished in thin air like it NEVER existed!! And the worst part- nobody remembers my marriage, NOT EVEN YOU!”

Tsukuo only returns him another puzzled look. “And how the hell would I remember that!?”

“Because you’re the one I’m married to, damn it!” Frustrated, Gintoki jabs his pointer at the man’s well-built chest, only to realize what just he said and immediately rephrases his statement to, “Or should  I say the female version of you.” and awkwardly pulls back his hand. “And now, suddenly she looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger and I’ve no fucking idea how or when it happened! I don’t even have any evidence to prove myself in this…this crazy situation and damn it, this all sounds so ridiculous!”

Silence follows and the two men stare at each other, one giving an extremely baffled look while the other groans in embarrassment. This is not going anywhere.

Covering his face his hands, Gintoki breaths out a long, exhausted sigh. “Listen, I think I need to clear my head. Can you just…go?”

The man doesn’t reply for another few seconds. Perhaps, he’ll just leave him alone now.

“….I’m not going anywhere.”

Gintoki’s ears perk up. Did he really just..?

“And I think it’s better if we talk properly.”

Finally, he looks back at the man’s earnest face. “Eh?”

“Let’s get outside.” His said wife suggests and turns to walk down the stairs. “I think you should tell me what exactly happened. Maybe that can help you clear your head.”

“You believe me?” Gintoki calls out, baffled at how serious he sounds.

“Not completely.” Tsukuo looks back as he steps down the last stair. “But I do know you’re not lying.”

*****

Tsukuo is popular, just like his wife. Very popular.

But fun fact, unlike Tsukuyo, who makes every other lecher look the other way with her intimidating glares, Tsukuo doesn’t seem to mind all these flirtatious wink and compliments that keeps coming at him from the opposite gender.

“You seem to have quite a huge fanbase in Edo.” Gintoki inquires. The two has been walking down the streets of Kabukichou for quite a few minutes now and the extra attention the tanned man keeps garnering is making the silver-haired samurai a little distressed.

“Well, can you blame them?” Tsukuo looks at him, smirking proudly.

“No.” Gintoki shrugs, glancing at another group of women eying Tsukuo, who literally has the body and face of a Greek god. “But I never thought you’d enjoy so much attention.”

“I don’t exactly.” The man casually replies. “But when someone wants to talk and spend time with me, I can’t just say no to them.”

“And you just said the typical playboy line. How convenient.” Gintoki mumbles, not audible enough for the man beside him to hear. He remembers the first time when he met this version of Tsukuyo back in chapter 441 in the Dekkobokko arc. To watch the serious, tsundere woman suddenly turn into a player who shamelessly flirted with his female version was such a shocker.

“Flowers have no beauty nor ugliness. If such a thing does exist, then it’s in the looks of a man that cannot admire both equally.”

“HEY, WHO IS THIS GUY!? A VIRGIN WOMAN SUDDENLY TURNED INTO A PLAYER!!!”

Gintoki lets out a sigh. Even though back then such a thing happened, the situation was, more or less, temporary. Tsukuyo’s sudden personality change was only limited to that one arc. However, from what he has come to understand here, this Tsukuo has always been…Tsukuo. Sneaking a glance at the man, he again finds him smile at another woman on the sideways who flushes bright red and shyly hides her face behind her palms.

‘Yup, this is not Tsukuyo…’

After another few minutes of silence, Tsukuo asks. “So, you were saying I’m your wife?”

“No. I’m saying my wife got replaced by you.” Gintoki replies bluntly.

Unnoticed, the man rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Do you remember what exactly happened?”

“What do you mean what exactly happened? I was on my way to meet my wife, but then I see you and suddenly everybody has forgotten about Tsukuyo and our marriage.”

“Yeah, you already said that. But I’m asking did something happen when you were on your way?”

Gintoki knits his eyebrows. “…Huh?”

“Did you meet any…shady fortune teller on your way?” Tsukuo inquires seriously, glancing at him.

“Umm..nope.” Comes his honest answer.

“Then did you inhale or drink something strange before?”

“Nooo….”

“Then what about the headaches you were getting?”

“Most probably because of stress. What about it?”

Tsukuo shrugs. “I don’t know. I thought maybe it’s some sort of a side-effect of some ‘magic spell’ you’ve been put into?”

“This doesn’t make any sense, you know.” Gintoki scowls at his absurd speculations.

“Well, this is Gintama. Remember when the animation staff decided to freeze you for an entire episode due to budget issues?” Tsukuo points casually.

“Yeah, I do remember tha-“

“Plus, this is a poorly written fanfi-“

“Please don’t mention the obvious to our readers so casually. It can ruin their reading experience.”

Tsukuo sighs. “So, nothing out of ordinary happened?”

“No.” Except for his horoscope coming true which he cannot tell him.

“Tsk. That’s a very cheap way to move the plot though.”

“Would you stop being fussy about the plot already?”

“I was just pointing out the errors.” Tsukuo says as a matter of fact.

“You’re starting to sound like Onishi-kun now.”

Tsukuo grumbles. “Fine, I’ll stop.”

“Good.”

Even like this, the nitpicky and logical side of her is still clearly there. And a part of him feels happy that it is there. As the two continue to stroll around the streets of Edo, Gintoki finds his lips curl upward for the first time in the last few hours, unaware of the blond man looking at him with him own small smile.

*****

The afternoon heat is now replaced by the breezy evening evening as the two make their way to a public park.  Gintoki has no idea why they are still hanging out together. Or why Tsukuo still hasn’t left for work? Or why they are suddenly in a park and why does it feel like a date? Well, obviously he does not mind spending time with him – it’s actually quite refreshing – but still, Tsukuyo has always been a busy woman, a workaholic who doesn’t leave her duties behind, so, shouldn’t Tsukuo be like that too?

“Why’re we here?” Gintoki asks as he watches Tsukuo taking a seat on a nearby bench and stretches out.

Tsukuo, to his question, gives him a blank stare. “Because I’m tired of walking.”

“You aren’t even wearing any heels!” Gintoki frowns, pointing at his zori. “Tsukuyo can jump twenty buildings on her four-inch heeled leather boots and won’t even beat a sweat.”

Listening to his sudden proud comment about his wife, Tsukuo gives an amused smile. “Oh, that sounds interesting. That’s what I expect from the female me.” He gives himself a few pats on his shoulders.

Gintoki scoffs at his prideful gesture. “You’ve no idea how she’s like.”

Scooting a little to the side, Tsukuo taps on the empty seat right to him. “Wanna tell me how she’s like then?”

There is a moment of silence between the two before Gintoki walks towards the bench. “Oh, she’s just…amazing.” Taking a seat beside him, he grins widely, suddenly at a loss of words to describe his wife. “Sometimes even I end up thinking how I landed a woman like her.”

“You sound like a love-sick puppy.” Tsukuo chortles lightly.

“Well, I am a lucky man.” Gintoki shrugs, surprisingly unabashed by Tsukuo’s previous remark. There is a familiar sense of security in his company even though the man is the very much different from the woman he has fallen for.

“Well, you did marry me. Of course, that makes you a lucky man.”

His cocky response made Gintoki scoff in dismay. The moment he was starting to think they were a little alike, Tsukuo once again made him rethink his words.

“I didn’t marry a smug bastard. She’s the complete opposite of you.” Gintoki proudly replies, ready to explain his point. “Beautiful, serious, workaholic and definitely not a flirt - that woman can kill a lecher just by looking at him her venomous stare. And she’s called the Shinigami Tayuu in Yoshiwara. Well, formally, but you get how scary she is by that name. Hell, even I once became a victim of her wrath for ‘accidentally’ groping her before we started going out. Fortunately, she didn’t kill me then….”

Memories of the time flash in his mind as a soft chuckle escapes his lips. “Actually, it was my fault so I really can’t blame her….There’s always been so much more. She’s always been so strong and kind and…so different from me. Someone that I thought a broke man like me could never have. But she still stayed…right there with me….That’s what made me fall for her.”

“…You really love talking about her, don’t you?” Tsukuo asks, smiling at the man.

Gintoki sighs, smirking proudly. “Boasting about my wife once in a while isn’t bad.”

Soon, silence falls between them. Without having any idea of the kind of face the man sitting beside him is making, Gintoki lets his eyes stay fixated on the bushes right across their seat. For some reason, he has been rambling quite a lot today. Was he always this chatty? No, as far as he can remember, he was not. Probably, it’s the heavy feeling in his chest that’s making him so talkative.

“…and, who proposed first?” Tsukuo first breaks the silence.

This catches the silver-haired samurai’s attention.

“Of course, I did.” Gintoki replies, turning to see the man giving him a shocked look that made his eye twitch. “Oi, don’t gimme that look! I saved for the ring!”

At this, Tsukuo gives him an impressed smile. “Who’d have thought, Sakata Gintoki would become such a hopeless romantic for his precious wife?”

This time, the playfulness in his voice makes Gintoki grunt in embarrassment but he chooses to answer anyway. “For her, it’s worth it.”

“Umm-hmm. But I’m pretty sure she made most of payment during the wedding.” Tsukuo cleverly remarks.

Gintoki sighs, nodding in agreement. “Yes. Yes, she did.”

Sneaking a glance at the blond man, Gintoki finds the blond blankly gazing up at the sky, a small smile adoring his lips as he closes his eyes and breathes heavily. Albeit all the striking differences, he couldn’t help but find a sense of secrecy surrounding him, much like her. And right now, his serene expression reminds him of the way she would sometimes get lost in her thoughts.

“Missing her?” Tsukuo asks after a moment of silence.

Upon hearing the question, Gintoki sadly smiles. “Of course…Plus, we haven’t been spending much time together recently because of her work so….yeah.”

“…you still don’t know what’s going on?”

“Nope. But my horoscope did say it’s gonna be a strange day.” Gintoki confesses as a dry laugh escapes his lips. However, Tsukuo doesn’t inquire him any further.

Suddenly, a sense of uneasiness envelops Gintoki. He quietly watches the kids run back to their homes while the sky now appears to be painted in a deep shade of orange, the sun slowly disappearing in the broad horizon. It is strange how everything seems so normal to everyone but him; everything here feels like a strange dream he is unable to wake up from.

For the last few hours, being in Tsukuo’s company didn’t make him feel lonely in any manner. No matter how different he is here, there is a sense of peace in with him.

However, this is not his reality. This is not the place he belongs to. And this person, at the end, does not have any feelings for him.

“I think I should go back.” Standing up from his seat, Gintoki decides to take his leave. A part of him fears if he stays any longer, he would forever remain stuck here.

As he walks away, Tsukuo call out to him. “Oi, where are you going?”

Gintoki can hear his footsteps now. “Home. And I’m hungry.” He replies without turning back.

This still doesn’t stop the man from following him. “How about you come with me to Yoshiwara? It’s better than staying up like some loner in your little house.”

This time, Gintoki turns around, skeptically looking at him. “Don’t you have work?”

“Nope.” Tsukuo shrugs and walks to him. “Hinowa told me to take the day off.”

Well, that kinda hurt. He didn’t even come on his own accord, that’s how bland their relationship seems now.

“Well. You’re free to return back to work, then.” Gintoki waves his hand dismissively, ready to leave again.

“There’s a new izakaya.” His immediate response stops Gintoki on his tracks as he hears his stomach growl hungrily. “My treat.”

*****

By the time the two reached Yoshiwara, it has already turned dark outside as the full moon shone brightly above, illuminating the night sky. The streets appear busier than it was during the afternoon as the two make their way to. But before that, Gintoki gets to hear all the Tsukuo fangirls welcoming him back to Yoshiwara after his oh so long, tiresome day. Damn, nobody even bats an eye on the Savior of Yoshiwara anymore.

“Tsukuo-sama, how about you spend your night with me?”

“There’s a new kimono I received, I’d love~ to show it to you~”

“But I wanted to serve you sake and enjoy watching the full moon with you~”

Damn it, he hated how Tsukuo is like a chic magnet. Yes, the man is handsome and of course, he cannot blame the ladies for being smitten over him but he has been seeing since the afternoon and now all these flirty gestures are starting to get on his nerves. First, he brings him here – basically bribes him with free food - and then, pulls off this shit!

Picking up his pace, Gintoki makes his way through the crowd, leaving Tsukuo behind. If that blondie is going to take his sweet time with his precious ladies, he might as well search for this new bar and get something to eat all by himself.

“Oh Gin-san!” A familiar voice call for him. His mind was so delved into Tsukuo’s apparent bachelor life that he forgot to notice he was passing by the teahouse. “Are you doing okay? ” Hinowa asks sweetly, walking towards him.

“Um…yeah. I’m-I’m fine. That was- I was asking those questions f-for a friend of mine. Sorry for leaving like that.” Gintoki nervously chuckles, scratching his head. It’s better if he just stay quite instead of bombarding her with another set of ridiculous questions like before.

“I see. That’s good to hear. I was worried.” The rave-haired woman politely smiles.

“Um, yeah. Tsukuo mentioned.” There is a hint of disappointment in his voice as his eyes fall on the dusty street. “But you didn’t need to tell him to take day off for me.”

“Oh, but he was way more worried than me. At first, he just simply went back to work when you left. But I could tell how much he was worried.” Hinowa instantly replies, catching Gintoki’s attention. “You know how that man is. Always working and acting like he doesn’t care when he actually does.”

Baffled, Gintoki looks back up to find the woman giving him her signature smile. “You mean-”

“AHHH HINOWA!” The loud voice quickly interrupts their little chat as Gintoki finds a heavy arm casually crash around his shoulders, making the poor man wince. “I’m treating this dude for dinner at Sato-san’s place.” Tsukuo fakes an excited grin.

Not noticing the slight blush on Tsukuo’s face in the dim light, Hinowa beams excitedly. “Oh, that’s great! Their bar is right around the corner. You must taste their kushiyaki, Gin-san -- Tsukuo, don’t forget!”

“Yes ma’am!” Tsukuo obediently notes and starts dragging Gintoki by his neck. “Now let’s get you something to eat!”

“I can walk on my own, damn it!” Comes Gintoki’s grumbling as he frees himself from Tsukuo’s death grip.

“Yeah, yeah, ojii-san.”

“Who’re ya calling ojii-san, bastard!?”

As the two continue their banter on the way, Hinowa lets out a chuckle, waving at them. “Enjoy you two!”

A few moments later, the two enter the new izakaya which appears quite crowded due to its growing popularity. The interior seems to be pretty much similar to Otose’s snack bar – with a bar counter stretching to their right and a few dining tables to their left with customers enjoying their meal – the lively atmosphere feels refreshing. But what catches Gintoki’s interest is a savory aroma of grilled meat around the room that almost made his mouth water.

Walking up to the bar counter, Gintoki takes a seat on one of the stools with Tsukuo sitting beside him. He watches the man take his kimono off and place it on lap, exposing his well-toned biceps that can make every man in the bar look away in envy. Yes, even him.

“Ojii-san, two beef kushiyaki and one sake.” Tsukuo signals the old man behind the counter who quickly responds with a “Coming right up!” with a big smile.

Gintoki gives him a surprised look. “You don’t drink?”

“Nope. Never have.” Tsukuo honestly replies. “Does Tsukuyo?”

“Oh, yes! She loves drinking.” the silver-haired samurai exclaims, remembering all the times when they trashed countless bars together after getting wasted. “But that woman is terrible at handling her liquor.”

This catches his interest. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Gintoki shivers at the thought of his drunken wife’s face. “Give her one drop of alcohol and she turns into a savage beast! I got my head smashed by a bottle of sake when we first had a drink together.”

Tsukuo lets out a chortle. “Damn, I guess it’s better for me to not drink then.”

“Good choice. I call her ‘the drunk terminator’.” Gintoki proudly declares the infamous nickname he once gave to his lovely wife.

The old man places their order in front of them to which Tsukuo gives him a generous nod before turning his attention back to their little chat. “That’s why you called me Arnold Schwarzenegger’s lookalike back when I came to your house.”

Gintoki chuckles and picks a kushiyaki from his place. “Who else am I supposed to compare the brawny male version of my wife with, then?”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” With that said, the two dig in to their plates. “Itadakimasu!”.

Taking a bite of the flavorful kushiyaki, Gintoki hums in delight. “This is really good - Ojii-san, I’ll have another of this!”

“You really don’t say no to free food, do you?” Tsukuo shakes his head, not surprised by this habit of his at all.

“Well, you offered.” Gintoki slyly replies with a mouthful to which Tsukuo feels his lips curl.

The two then continue to eat in silence, with Gintoki sneaking a few glances at the distracted man who now has again started smoking from his kiseru after the old man offered his an ashtray. Something about this entire day feels off and yet, with him, he felt at ease. Still does, actually. Perhaps, it’s because Tsukuo’s the only one who knows about his condition. Or perhaps, he’s just trying to deny the fact that he’s, at the end, the same person deep down inside that he has always felt at ease with.

Gintoki recalls the horoscope news– your love will be tested – that’s what it said. Maybe, now he understands what the test really means. But to say it out loud to him; wouldn’t that make things awkward? Because, at the end, this Tsukuyo has no reminisce of the things they have shared together…And the last things he wants to be called is a creep by his own wife.

‘Just talk to him, damn it!’ Slapping himself inside his head, Gintoki pours a glass of sake for himself and chugs it down in one go, loudly exhaling at how unusually strong it tastes. However, before he could bring up the subject, he watches a middle-aged woman wearing a lavish kimono walk to their direction.

“Tsukuo-san, I didn’t expect you to be here.” The woman stands to his right, her silky tone didn’t going unnoticed by Gintoki as she casually puts a hand on Tsukuo’s shoulder.

Something inside Gintoki catches fire.

“Oh, Kirishima-san, what brings you here?” Standing up from his seat, Tsukuo places his kimo and generously greets the lady who, not so surprisingly, reminds Gintoki of a jorogumo. What about personal space- she even has the audacity to stand so damn close to him.

“Oh, nothing, nothing.” The said sophisticated Kirishima-san replies as she coyly places a hand on his chest. “You haven’t been here the whole day, I was looking for you.”

Gintoki chugs down another cup, the burning sensation in his body no longer because of the alcohol.

“Oh, um, I’ve been a little busy.” Tsukuo nervously glances at Gintoki who seems to have been declared invisible by the woman while he continues to drink his sake. He looks furious. “Is there something that you wanted to talk about?”

“Oh, yes. Regarding the donation work.” Kirishima-san says courteously. “If it’s okay, would you like to come outside for a little?”

“Ah, yes, I almost forgot about it.” Tsukuo apologetically says as he escorts the vixen-like lady outside of the bar. Whether it’s just work or not, this Kirishima-lady definitely has ulterior motives.

From the corner of his eyes, Gintoki watches the two chat about something that’s pretty much inaudible to him. The woman says something and Tsukuo nods. Then Tsukuo says something and the woman flirtatiously giggles. From this little view, he could say how badly she wants to get into his pants. However, he feels his blood boil when the woman starts to seductively rub her hand over his left exposed arm, as if he’s her little plaything. And Tsukuo doesn’t seem to mind at all!

‘Hah! He really is a player!’ Immediately, Gintoki looks away before he could see that Tsukuo has politely taken the woman’s hand off his arm.

Scoffing, he drinks up the rest of the liquor from the bottle, sighing in satisfaction. Again, this wasn’t the first time he is seeing this side of Tsukuo but it would be a lie to say none of it…disturbs him. Not even a slightest. Of course, he understands the two are different and never can he ask the person to be someone else but still, isn’t this the same person? At this point, he really cannot comprehend any of such thoughts. And by now, he can feel the alcohol kick in, making his mind all dizzy and muddled.

“Ya know, Ojii-san, I’ve a wife! She’s jus’ the best in the world!” Gintoki slurs in front of the old man, his mind now all foggy. Never had one bottle of sake been enough for him. But tonight, it’s somehow started to show its effects.

“You are a lucky man, sir.” The old man smiles at him.

“Right~” Gintoki hiccups, a goofy smile now plastered on his flushed face. “And she’s called the Shinigami Tayuu, isn’t that cool!?”

“That’s a very great name, sir.”

“Wanna show me where she is?” Ginotoki giddily whispers, just like a little child who has found lost treasure.

The man politely nods “Of course.”

Directing his thumb outside the door, Gintoki points at the Tsukuo with lopsided grin. “There! That man with the blond hair my wife!”

Hearing his little declaration, the old man laughs rather awkwardly while Gintoki continues to ramble. “Isn’t that funny? Like, she was this really sexy, badass woman before but poof, she’s a sexy, badass man now! And seriously, I don’t ‘ave any problem with tha’. But she doesn’t even remember anything! She doesn’t even love me anymore and is now flirting with other girls!” Slapping the counter loudly, he lets out a dry laugh, making the customers nearby look at his direction.

“Sir, I think you’ve had enough drink today. It’s better if you return back home with Tsukuo-dono.” The old man politely says, now giving him a concerned look as if he is now some drunk who has lost all his senses. Seriously, who was he kidding? There is no chance anyone will ever believe his words. And truthfully, a drunk’s confession is generally considered gibberish.

Exhausted and slightly dizzy, Gintoki stands up from his seat. “That guy will pay.” With that said, he leaves the bar quietly.

*****

Staggering on his feet, Gintoki somehow manages to get out of the flashy and lively streets and enters a dark, deserted alleyway. The full moon shines brightly above him, fortunately enough for him to not lose his steps and stumble down on his face like some cheap, homeless drunk. His head aches and at this moment where he has no solution to whatever-this-is, giving up seems like the only option.

“Oi, Gintoki!” The familiar voice call to him…yet again. And just like this afternoon, he wants to avoid it.

“Will ya just wait!?” Tsukuo yells again, his breathing heavy as Gintoki finally stops at his place and faces him.

“…What do ya want?”

“Why did you leave like that?” Tsukuo asks, slowly walking closer to him.

“You seemed busy with the pretty lady so I left.” Comes his cold response, making Tsukuo stop just a few steps away from him.

Gintoki expected a cocky laugh. Instead he finds Tsukuo gravely looking at his direction.

“…it was work. Really.”

Oh yeah, sure it was work. It’s always work. Whether it’s in here or there, it’s always work! And goddamn it, he was so tired of listening. All he has been trying to do for the last few weeks is to be a good, supportive husband who does not nag his wife for overworking or not spending enough time with him. If he’s being honest, he was angry, really angry at everything. But the moment he tries to make things better, some stupid horoscope predictions decides to test his affection for his wife and now, he’s stuck here with an alternate version of his wife.

Despite all this, he decides to stay quite again. No way is he going for another round of ranting session. Exhaling sharply, Gintoki rubs his temple again. “You know what, instead of doing all this, I should be looking for a way out. But for some dumbass reason, I ended up spending the entire day with you and watched you smug ass getting constantly flocked by your fangirls who you just shamelessly flirt with while I’m constantly reminded that you are not the person I love when I know it’s not true!”

….He failed. He ended up rambling again.

And so to calm himself, Gintoki breathes in. A long, deep breathe. While the man standing in front of him freezes on spot, dumbfounded and speechless.

“…were you jealous?” Tsukuo finally finds his voice back and carefully takes a step forward.

“Of course I was jealous!” The permhead finally admits.

“Why?” And another step forward…

Gintoki scoffs. “Really? You’re asking me ‘why’?”

“Yes.” And another…

He sighs loudly. “Because I love you.”  And Tsukuo smiles.

“Even when you are this flirty, cocky man! Even when you don’t remember a thing about us! Even when I know that you don’t love me here! Because whether you’re Tsukuo or Tsukuyo, deep down, I know it’s you. It will always be you. The same person that I happily devoted my heart to and there’s nothing that I ever want to cha-“

Before Gintoki can finish, Tsukuo’s presses his lips against his, shutting him up in an instant. And Gintoki freezes on his spot, his hands awkwardly dangling around his sides while his eyes widen in surprise. There is nothing too fierce and hungry about the kiss; it feels like the ones they always share after waking up, chaste and full of love. Slowly, Gintoki closes his eyes and returns the kiss back with the same favor as his. Unlike the soft and pink ones, his lips are slightly chapped. And yet, the taste and smell of smoke he has so gotten used to is enough to tell him that yes, he’s kissing the right person.

Shortly later, the two pull back. Panting, Tsukuo puts his head on Gintoki’s shoulder, hiding his now flushed face as they silently stand there, savoring this little moment.

“It’s good to hear that you still love me.” Tsukuo is the first one to break the silence, his voice a little muffled.

‘Still?’ Gintoki knits his brows, confused as he recalls the strange horoscope predication.

“Guess I’m bound to fall for you no matter what.” He can hear the relief in his voice as Tsukuo slowly raises his head. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

The test, this strange world…His smile said everything. “You knew…?”

Tsukuo doesn’t answer his question. Instead, he just lovingly smiles at him and says something else as Gintoki feels his vision get blurry, his face slowly disappearing before him as his voice gets replaced by the one he has been hearing for years.

“Wake up, sleepyhead. I’ve got something to tell you.”

*****

The stiff sofa cushion has made his back ache painfully as Gintoki slowly sits up, stretching his arms and legs to loosen up his sore muscles. Sluggishly, he scans the surrounding to find the bulb above him glowing and outside the window, its pitch black, suggesting its night by now. He doesn’t even remember when he fell asleep. The TV is right around the corner as always and so is the little shelf. And there are two frames kept there- one of the Yororzuya and the other of his wedding day…

“You’re awake.” His eyes snap open at the familiar….and feminine voice of his wife who emerges from their bedroom right behind him. Turing around, he finds Tsukuyo walk up to him with her nightgown on.

In an instant, Gintoki jumps up from his seat and rushes to his wife, embraces her in a tight hug and almost making her lose balance. “OhmyGod, Gintoki! What’re you doing?”

Even her yelp didn’t make his huge grin disappear as he held his wife close, breathing in her freshly bathed scent. “I missed you!”

“H-huh? W-what’s the matter?” His sudden confession made the woman turn a deep shade of pink.

Pulling back from the hug, he lovingly presses his lips against hers. “I’m saying I missed you, woman!”

Watching the joyous smile on her husband’s face, Tsukuyo feels her lips curl up too as she caresses his cheeks affectionately. “I missed you too, you foolish man.”

“I just had the strangest dream ever. All just to see that no matter what or who you are, I will always end up falling for you.” Placing a hand on her heart, Gintoki looks at the love of his life with the brightest smile on his face. “It practically called you my soulmate.”

Hearing this, Tsukuyo lovingly holds her husband’s face in her palms, her amethyst eyes and soft voice entrancing him for the rest of his life. “Soulmate or not, I’ll always fall for you, too. No matter what.”

This makes the man exhale a sigh of relief. “I love you.” Gintoki says and leans in to touch his forehead with hers.

“I love you, too. And I’m sorry I couldn’t spend time with you for the last couple of weeks. You even came to meet me today but I couldn’t make it.” Tsukuyo apologetically says and closes her eye, finding comfort in his embrace.

Instead of asking when he went to meet her, Gintoki gently presses a kiss on her forehead and looks back at her. “Don’t apologize. Just…don’t overwork yourself, okay? And take a break. I was thinking of keeping it a surprise but let’s go somewhere for anniversary, on a trip.”

To his offer, Tsukuyo happily hums in response. “Okay. Let’s go.” Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulls him for a hug which he happily accepts.

Gintoki doesn’t remember what exactly happened here; the dream is only that he has memories of. And yet, there is a part of him that knows that wasn’t just a dream. However, instead of pondering about the past, he’d rather live in the present. After all, he deserves this moment of happiness his wife after getting his mind bombarded by a strange ‘test’.

“By the way, I think I’ll have to take a longer break.”

At this, Gintoki pulls back a little, slightly confused. “Huh?”

Looking down, he watches Tsukuyo take his hand off her waist and slowly bring it to her belly while Gintoki looks back up at her, astonished and completely speechless.

“Looks like you’re gonna be a father again, Sakata-san.” Watching the sexy smirk adoring her beautiful face, Gintoki feels his face go from surprised to purely ecstatic. And in an instant, he sweeps her off her feet, spinning her around in exhilarating joy while Tsukuyo giggles warmly in his arms.

“WE’RE GONNA PARENTS SOON!”

“Hahahaha! Gintoki, stop it!”

“WE’RE GONNA BE PARENTS SOON , BABY!”

“Yes, yes! I know! Now put me down!”

In between their giggles and joyous laughs, the two stop midway in their little celebration as Gintoki carefully brings the woman down. His wide, goofy grin never leaves his face and he once again presses his lips against hers, which she wholeheartedly returns. No way can he ever explain how happy he is now. After years of running away, after years of calling himself unworthy of love, he finally found someone who now shares her life with him. And never in this lifetime or any other, would he like to change that.

“Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world.”

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #30 - The Cybertronian Judicial System is a Friggin’ Joke

Have I mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of court case stories? I think they’re pretty boring, on average, so the last couple of issues have been slightly dragging for me.

Anyway, back to Megatron’s trial. 

Our issue opens up with a full back shot of Ultra Magnus.

Artists take note, he really is built like a capital T.

As Magnus reads out Megatron’s statement retracting his “guilty” plea, we get some decent points as to why. See, telling a guy that you’ll stab him in the brain, so his trial can be over as quickly as possible, maybe isn’t such a hot idea. Megatron wasn’t a huge fan of that, or of how those memories they would’ve yanked outta him would have been used to fuel the Autobot propaganda machine. Why, you may ask?

Well, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Megatron… doesn’t particularly care for the Autobots, nor the rhetoric they uphold.

I know, I was surprised too!

There’s also the fact that Optimus Prime is the judge on this whole thing. You know. Optimus Prime. Off and on leader of the Autobots, whenever it suits him. The guy who fucked off into space for a year after the war. The guy who threw a hissy fit when someone pointed out that he was compromised the last time they did something like this with Megatron. This guy:

Yeah, there might be a slight conflict of interests here. Remind me again why this had to be a military trial?

Anyway, enough of that, it’s time for a fight scene.

A swarm of Decepticons storm the arena, going after Megatron so they can help him escape. Magnus, though acting as Megatron’s defense, cannot abide by this disorder in the court.

Wild to think there’s a tiny little Pringles man with anxiety in there, isn’t it?

Optimus joins the fray, because there really are, just, so many guys to deal with here. A dude goes to collect Megatron, stating that they brought teleport packs for this little shindig. Megatron isn’t super jazzed about that though, not bothering to grab on before the dude gets shot to death. There’s a brief recess, I guess so the janitorial staff can deal with the mess of corpses littering the courtroom.

Meanwhile, in the present day, Rung’s building a model spaceship in Swerve’s, which is a very brave thing to be doing, seeing how sticky and gross bars can be. Brainstorm’s brought a flask to the bar, and proceeds to pour the contents into a funnel sticking out of his arm.

Our bartender for the evening- I’m assuming it’s evening, but I doubt the concept of time has any real weight in space- is Bluestreak. Bluestreak was stationed on Earth for a while, which is some Phase One stuff, and took a liking to human media while he was there. He’s the guy who handles movie night these days, seeing as Rewind’s too busy being dead to do it, and I doubt Chromedome has the emotional bandwidth to take over for his late spouse.

Bluestreak’s favorite movie is Zulu, a film glorifying the colonialism of the English over the native populace of an African kingdom. Make of that what you will.

Whirl wants to watch À Bout de Soufflé, or Breathless, as it was translated for the English-speaking world, which is a French New Wave film about a criminal who shoots a cop, hides from the police in a journalist’s home, who he seduces and likely impregnates. She eventually finds out what he did, reports him to the police, but then has a change of heart and lets him know what she’s done. He runs, but is shot, and dies in the street. The film is notable for its final scene, in which the following dialogue happens, between the dying criminal Michael, his lover Patricia, and an officer.

Of course, any poignancy would almost certainly be lost on the average comic book reader, and is also somewhat nullified by Whirl praising the film with internet lingo.

Then again, I suppose Whirl would be the type to dismantle any deeper reading of his interest in such a film, lest he be subjected to the horrifying ordeal of being known.

Over with Skids and Riptide, it’s revealed that Megatron’s been teaching classes on the Lost Light, specifically on the Knights of Cybertron. Riptide’s getting an education, because he’s been feeling pretty lost since the war ended- we’ll get to the potential whys of that later on. Swerve isn’t a fan of this community college thing that’s going on, stating that Megatron’s using it as a distraction, so he can devise plots most foul.

Back in the past, Autobot high command is having a talk about what Megatron’s demanding, and man is it a doozy— turns out, since the trial’s happening on Luna 2, the trial proceedings are subject to the laws of the moon. One of these moon laws is the right to request being judged by the Knights of Cybertron. Now, this is a problem, seeing as the Knights of Cybertron have been AWOL for the last several million years, but the law is the law, and you can’t just go ignoring it when someone’s pointed it out.

Bro, your SIC just suggested y’all pull the trial so you could slap it on Cybertron, thus negating any need to pay attention to the Knight law. That’s such a gross miscarrying of justice, it’s genuinely baffling. You’ve got bigger issues going on than flouting. My god, Optimus, you were a cop—

Oh wait, that’s right. Carry on, then.

Back on the Lost Light, First Aid’s checking to make sure that the coffin Rodimus they revealed last issue is true and proper dead. Now, this may seem like a given, but you’ve got to remember that Brainstorm was mostly dead for over a year and a half, and nobody fucking noticed, so it’s probably for the best that they’re checking.

First Aid’s been pretty withdrawn since Ambulon died, so this autopsy is really good for him, since it got him out of his room. Pretty fucked up that it would take a dead body to get him out and about. Has Rung checked in on his poor son of a gun, or has he been spending the last six months getting his professional rocks off psychoanalyzing a genocidal warlord?

Our coffin Rodimus died from having parts of his brain removed, and potentially died screaming.

Yes, that is a Furmanism, thank you peanut gallery, moving on—

Ratchet hands the phone over to Ultra Magnus, saying that a call has to be made, and it can’t be by him, because the callee is mighty upset with Ratchet at the moment.

Oh, I guess he’s fine after all. This must be where the sci-fi bullshit really starts kicking in for the series.

Because seeing your own dead body is likely very traumatic and awful, Rodimus is taking a while to string together his thoughts on the matter. Megatron doesn’t particularly care, because he’s not terribly sympathetic to this sort of thing, and the two get into a spat, where it’s revealed that they’re co-captaining the Lost Light.

Because things weren’t chaotic enough on this fucking ship. Need to mix in some peacocking between the McDonalds twunk and the man who killed half of Beijing.

Back in the past, Optimus Prime visited Megatron in prison to have a little chat. It’s not about that little rescue attempt, though the fact that those Decepticons may have been released from the Lost Light’s brig is certainly interesting. No, Optimus is here to sit way too close to his mortal nemesis on the floor of his room and talk about how Megatron is a sneaky bastard.

You remember the Hellraiser puzzle box from a couple issues back? Yeah, that was a communicube, one that was passed to Optimus to suggest that the trial be held on the moon, so the arena there would be able to hold all the people wronged by Megatron. This seems pretty damn convenient in hindsight, but Megatron swears that the legal loophole wasn’t his only intent when he sent the cube.

Because it’s all about you, isn’t it, Megatron? It’s all about how you’re perceived by future generations. Fuck the guys who had to actually deal with what your personal choices caused to happen.

Megatron wants to make amends with all those who were wronged by him. This doesn’t include being acquitted of his crimes, which, y’know, good- at least he’s being slightly realistic about how this is going to turn out for him.

What he wants to do is find Cyberutopia, so the Cybertronians have a replacement planet, since Cybertron kind of sucks now.

Oh, sorry, did I say realistic? I take it back.

In the present, Rodimus is still bummed out about being dead. Still, the day doesn’t stop just because it’s a bad one, and he calls in the experts.

CHROMEDOME YOU PROMISED TO STOP THIS SHIT

Yeah, no, Chromedome’s fallen off the wagon again, and does his thing on the coffin Rodimus. As he does, Megatron suddenly gets squeamish, Brainstorm pulls out his early early-warning device to lean on the fourth wall, and it’s revealed that the coffin that coffin Rodimus was in was built in the fashion of the Spectralist faith.

All Chromedome can suss out of coffin Rodimus’ memories is the really big important stuff, which includes the speech at Rivet’s Field inviting folks to come join the Knight Quest. Aww, that’s sweet.

With the analysis of the innermost energon complete, the results are in— the coffin Rodimus is a Rodimus. A real one, from the near future. Bummer.

I suppose denial is one of the seven stages of grief, isn’t it?

As everyone argues over whether or not Rodimus is going to die, Nightbeat brings up a good point— there aren’t any numbers carved into the coffin Rodimus’ hand. Rodimus is about to reveal some Ratchet-original wisdom, when things start getting really weird; whole sections of the Lost Light are disappearing.

Over at Swerve’s, Tailgate is regaling his peers with the story of his derring-do against Chief Justice Tyrest. Everyone is very impressed, and this includes our good buddy Getaway.

Jeez, think you’ve got enough antagonist shadows on this guy? It’s almost as if the art’s trying to tell us something about him.

Getaway lays it on real thick, saying that Tailgate could totally be the next Prime, with how courageous and awesome he is, all while completely ignoring Tailgate’s personal space and having a weirdly tiny hand. This seems to seriously bother Cyclonus, who is watching this shit go down from the doorway. Our purple space jet leaves once the drinks start being poured and conversation starts happening. God knows he hates talking about his insecurities.

Then the Pipes is Friggin’ Dead alarm goes off. But Pipes has been dead for a while now, so that must mean something else awful is happening.

Back during the trial, I guess because Optimus has a soft spot for Megatron, he allows him to join the Lost Light’s Knight Quest… even as he says that he could keep the guy locked up until Rodimus and pals find the Knights. However, there are rules to this, and one of the rules is that Megatron must publicly denounce the Decepticon cause.

It is a slow and painful experience for everyone involved, as he reads the statement he was given. It’s an immediate call to action- or rather, inaction.

Geez, think they could’ve made it any more obvious that this was being ghostwritten? I can’t wait to see how long it takes for “Megatron was blackmailed into saying this by the Autobots” to be a plotpoint.

Outside the prison, Ratchet and Rodimus are taking in the brand new Rod Pod, which is genuinely ridiculous in how large it is. Rodimus admits to having taken Atomizer’s list, though he knows that trying to use it to keep those who voted him off would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

Also, no one’s told him about Megatron coming along on the trip. As captain.

Or you could, I dunno, lock him up from the start. Or, if you want to give him a chance to prove himself, slap him into a bottom-rung role, like bilge cleaner, or sewage mucker, or whatever the equivalent would be on a spaceship full of giant gay robots. We don’t have to give the guy any power to hold him to scrutiny— any minimum wage worker will tell you that scrutiny comes far harsher for those who actually carry out orders than those who give them.

But what do I know? I’ve never fought in a several million year war, and I don’t plan to.

Getting back to the list, it seems as if Ratchet and Rodimus are on the same wavelength, in that both agree it’s only going to cause trouble and hurt feelings to keep the thing around. Rodimus destroys it with his usual flare, only to be blindsided by the fact that it was fake this entire time. How does Ratchet know this?

Because his name wasn’t on it.

...Man, that’s gotta sting. No wonder Rodimus was upset enough to not take his calls.

In the present, everyone’s in a panic, as they all bolt for the shuttle bay and start pouring into shuttles. The Lost Light is disintegrating around them, which is sort of a problem. Despite this nightmare scenario happening, Rodimus and Megatron still find the time to be assholes to each other. That’s dedication right there.

As the two bicker, multiple shuttles zip away from the rapidly disappearing ship, including the Rod Pod.

Man, now it really is the Lost Light.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 2 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer and Reader spend their first night together at the Mayflower. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warnings: Adults w/ Age Difference (10yrs), penetrative sex, fingering Word Count: 4.5k

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

————————————————— 

When the Uber finally came, Spencer opened the door for me to remind me that, despite his awkwardness, he really was a gentleman. I slid through the backseat, grateful the car didn't smell like vomit or cigarettes to completely ruin the mood.

"You just going up a couple blocks, huh?" the driver asked, to which I gave an enthusiastic, "Yep!"

Thankfully, he didn't try to make any conversation beyond that. I was honestly a bit worried Spencer might start on a tangent that would take longer than the trip, but he was surprisingly quiet.

He opted to watch the buildings pass. He stared out the window, and I stared at him.

"I just realized," I thought out loud, "I'm still not sure what you do."

Pulled from his thoughts, he turned to look at me with a troubled look.

"I uh..."

The secrecy was a bit concerning, but it wasn't like he could do anything that scary. He had said that he worked for the FBI, after all.

"I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I'm a profiler. I... read people."

My heart both sunk and leapt into my throat at yet another reminder that he was remarkably, uncomfortably exceptional. He was even trying to dumb it down for me, and I still couldn't comprehend exactly what he did. Just the title sounded terrifying.

My hands moved between my legs, crafting a fortress of my arms around me and shutting myself off to him any way I could. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't do anything to stop it.

"See, that's exactly why I didn't want to tell you," he explained, motioning to the way I crossed my arms and legs.

I laughed nervously, forcing myself to drop my arms if it meant it would comfort him. Once I did, both of his hands grasped one of mine like they would break. He opened his mouth to speak, his eyes sparkling with the things I wished he would say.

But I would never know what he would have told me in that moment, because the Uber came to a stop, and the driver announced, "Hate to break the mood, but you're gonna wanna get out here so you don't have to cross the street."

"Thanks," I tried not to lace it with sarcasm, slightly irritated but understanding it wasn't their fault.

As I gave the man an awkward nod and a wave, we both took a little too much enjoyment out of the way Spencer struggled to exit the car.

Thank god, he was still capable of looking like an absolute idiot.

Getting to the room was the easiest part of the night. We didn't say anything as he released my hand and I led him over to the elevator. Just one more awkward, sexual tension filled moment away from being alone with him. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how nervous I actually was.

It wasn't my first one night stand, but it was the first one I had actually enjoyed each second of so far. Once I had become aware of his job, it made more sense why he was able to recognize my spiking anxiety.

My attention was back on him again. It still felt like he was holding something back. I didn't ask. In a strange way, I was worried that if he told me what he was considering saying, I might not be able to let him go.

The doors slowly dragged open, and I almost waited for him to get off first before remembering that I was the one with the key. By the time we got to my room, I wasn't sure how to act. It felt overwhelming and terrifying, to know that his entire job was reading people.

Although, I was tempted to think he wasn't the best profiler if he hadn't realized I was 20. Then again, maybe it had been wishful thinking on his part. If so, I was a little flattered.

"If you've changed your mind, I just want you to know that's okay."

His voice broke through the nonstop frantic analysis. I turned to face him as he leaned against the doorframe. He still hadn't fully come into the room; he was offering me an out that I definitely didn't want to take.

"I haven't... Have you?"

"No."

A short yet sweet reply that calmed some parts of me and terrified another. He took a meaningful step forward and shut the door quietly behind him.

"Although, now that we're in better lighting and a quieter atmosphere, I've got to ask you something."

The way he approached me was not apprehensive. Somehow, it calmed me.

"Go ahead," I whispered once he got close enough for me to hook my hands in his pant pockets.

"Do you have any other secrets to confess?" was the question he asked.

My throat tightened as I tried to swallow, and with a shaky voice I said, "Well, I don't actually have any handcuffs here."

Spencer laughed in that bashful way that exposed vulnerability for just a split second.

"I would be a little worried if you did," he said, our voices overlapping as I finished my thought aloud, "And I'm worried I'm not good enough for you."

Well, there it was. There was no going back.

The man in front of me furrowed his eyebrows with a genuine look of confusion and sympathy. It begged for further explanation, which I hesitantly gave with a wave of my hands.

"I feel like I tricked you into coming here. And now you're here and you're so impressive and I'm just... me."

One hand snaked around my waist, the other sliding behind my neck as he locked our gazes the same way he had back at the club, before he knew any of my secrets.

"You didn't trick me."

I tried to relax, but I couldn't with this proximity. I also really didn't want to pull away.

"You're beautiful."

He said it like it was the simplest fact in the world; so convincingly that I almost believed him.

"So are you," I answered with a laugh. The tension began to disappear, and I could feel the mood in the room shift back to what it was before in the club.

That was why I pressed on his arms to pulling them away from me. I caught a hand, motioning to him to sit on the edge of the bed. He happily complied. From there, he watched me with rapt fascination while removing his own shoes and socks. Waiting, unsure of what I would do next.

Once he had finished, I quickly climbed onto his lap and straddled him on my knees. Finally, I was seeing eye to eye with him again, literally. I wasn't going to kiss him that time, though. Instead, I opted to start disrobing him. My fingers worked each button on his shirt purposefully, enjoying each inch of skin that was revealed to me with each passing second.

He just watched me, I suspect he was gauging my response as I uncovered not only his body, but the scars that lined it. I didn't pay them much attention, continuing like they weren't there. I didn't want him to remember the past when he was with me. I wanted him to be in the present, fully and completely. I wanted him to be with me.

Once I finished the final button, he helped me by shrugging the shirt off his shoulders. He leaned back slightly, and I drank in the sight of him. I didn't have to be a profiler to understand the signals this man was giving me.

Seizing the moment, and driven by my own arousal, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head in one swift motion.

I was so grateful for the comfort of my bra still being in place, because no sooner had my shirt hit the floor than Spencer's mouth was on my chest. A heavy moan was ripped from the back of my throat as his tongue dragged across the top of my breast peeking over the bra.

"Shit," I muttered, raking my hands through his hair and holding him in place against my skin.

With his lips dragging behind that devilish tongue, he made his way up to my neck. I honestly thought I might scream, unable to handle how he seemed to be everywhere all at once. My toes curled as he suckled gently over my jugular, and my hips began to rock against the steadily growing bulge in his pants.

"If you leave any marks on me, I swear to god, I will return the favor," I growled, the words coming out laced with desire and promise.

The way he gently bit down in response gave me his answer. Gasps and moans were all I could make out as his lips continued their assault. At some point, I felt the strap of my bra snap open. He hadn't even stopped for a second. I caught the cups against me with my arms but allowed him to continue.

"What are you, a fucking magician?" I muttered.

He finally looked up, revealing the mark on my collarbone in his wake as he cheekily answered, "I am, actually."

"Of course you are," I whispered, shoving him away from me with both hands. He braced the fall with his elbows and a clever look on his face. "Well, magician or not, it's not fair if I'm the only one that's naked."

"You aren't naked yet," he corrected, motioning his hand to the space between us. "We're actually equally naked right now, so. If you want anything else off, you're going to have to reciprocate."

"Yes, sir."

The fire in his eyes at the title continued to tempt me. He acted like he was horrified that I was younger, but the authority and confidence he felt with me was obvious.

I climbed off his lap, dropping the bra and immediately leaning forward to unbuckle his belt. He didn't stop me. He didn't correct me to remove mine first. Perhaps, by the way his gaze fixated on me to the point he barely realized I had unzipped his pants already, he was a bit distracted by my bare chest peppered with the marks his mouth left.

"See something you like, Dr. Reid?"

I was expecting another taunt, but he didn't give one.

Instead, he directly answered, "Yes."

It wasn't the time for me to get bashful, though. Tucking my fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers, I began to pull them down.

"My turn now," I sang. 

Assisting me in removing the garments, he also shifted to lay his head on the pillows before turning on his side to face me in all his glory. His eyes reminded me of the way you feel when the spotlights in a crowd fall on you. I tried not to look as terribly self conscious as I felt. But of course, it didn't work.

He noticed.

He inched closer to me before sitting back up, and I subconsciously held my arms against my chest. I started to wonder how many women he had seen naked, how many women he had been with. I'd only just met him, but I found myself really caring how he felt about me.

Spencer didn't tell me to uncover myself. He didn't tell me that I was beautiful. I think he knew that those things, though they sounded nice, wouldn't change the overwhelming anxiety that I wasn't woman enough for him. Instead, he took my hand and pulled me onto the bed next to him.

I faced him, choosing to look into his eyes instead of his body. Wanting to feel that way I always felt when I saw him. That calmness and connection that seemed impossibly intimate.

That time, when his lips pressed against my neck, they ghosted along the skin. He traced the lines of my collarbone and down my arm, ending at my fingertips. With one glance up, he could see the change in my demeanor. I was smiling again. 

Using one hand, he encouraged me onto my back and climbed on top of me. I gave a small, relaxed laugh at his hair tickling my breasts as he passed them, kissing below my sternum instead. His hands finally grabbed the edges of my spandex shorts and underwear and he carefully pulled them down.

As he revealed the last piece of me, he watched my expression carefully. His hands danced along the curves of my legs to my back. His hands flat against my back, he didn't stare at the parts of me he knew would make me nervous as he pulled me onto the bed with him.

Together we moved up, and once we were finally settled, I straddled his lap similar to before, sitting just below his hips. With one finger he beckoned me closer to him, and I shyly crawled up to his face, going in for a kiss before I was surprised by one of his hands tightly gripping my inner thigh.

I closed my eyes, releasing a small, low moan as his hand trailed up and eventually separated my folds. His movements were unhurried, but I was becoming quickly desperate. He chuckled a bit at the way my hips followed his hands, silently begging him to finally do something.

"You are so impatient."

I bit my lip, not responding with words, and choosing instead to shift my weight to one side and free one hand. That hand immediately shot down to grip his erection with enough pressure to draw the same small, surprised groan from him.

"Bet I can last longer than you," I taunted before beginning a slow, steady pace with my hand.

I watched as Spencer quickly became undone at my hands. Clearly, it was not distracting enough, because as I continued to work him, he suddenly slipped two fingers into my heat, which caused me to almost fall on top of him.

"Yeah, I doubt that," he replied, his other hand cupping one of my breasts. "I have two hands, a mouth, and an entire lifetime of multitasking on my side. Ten years more than you."

I could barely follow his words, and my legs had already started to shake. And that was before his mouth ceased talking and turned to my breast, where his hand was diligently working the tender flesh. It was impossible to follow where his tongue was on me.

In the typical fashion of this man, he was everywhere, all at once.

My hand continued to pump, although my strokes became shorter and further between as the tension of my impending orgasm began to peak. Spencer must have been able to tell, because he quickly removed his hand and mouth from my chest and shifted up to pull me into a kiss.

I could barely give myself to the kiss as high pitched whimpers and quick pants rolled off my tongue into his mouth. His fingers began a new course as he began to gently stroke me from the inside while using his other thumb to circle my clit.

I released his dick, needing to brace myself with both arms as my upper half collapsed on his chest. The blinding pleasure of my orgasm caused my thighs to violently shake and my walls to close around his fingers, which didn't dissuade him from continuing throughout the entire duration.

Once it had finally finished, it took all the strength I had to pull myself back up and return to my sitting position. As I tried to refocus my vision from its hazy, half-lidded position, Spencer reached over the side of the bed to grab a condom from his pants pocket.

"Dr. Reid!" I gasped in feigned surprise, "Why on earth would an upstanding FBI Special Agent like yourself have such salacious things readily available?"

Snatching the package from him, I quickly tore the foil open, pinched the tip, and rolled the latex over him with a few small pumps.

"Better question is why a young girl like yourself is so good at that."

His eyes took on a distinctly predatory glint.

Assuming my previous position on all fours above him, I whispered with a simper, "Are you jealous, Dr. Reid?"

Spencer was not playing any games. As soon as the words left my mouth, he had lined himself up at my entrance and thrust into me in one swift motion. The satisfied smile on his face fired up my competitive side immediately. I sat up as I settled onto him, attempting to become accustomed to the feeling of him inside me as quickly as possible without cheapening the pleasure. 

Although his hands were fixed securely on my hips, he didn't try to move me. Instead, he granted me the power to move as I pleased. Any shyness or insecurity was quickly forgotten as my hips began rocking. Each time I shifted forward, I would lift my hips at an agonizingly slow pace. Truthfully, I couldn't help it. I wasn't used to someone of his size, and I wanted to remember each second of this experience.

The look on his face was also a treat; the mysterious stranger below me shifting back and forth between frustrated and completely lost in the drunkenness of lust. When his eyes met mine, I picked up my pace, leaning forward as I placed my hands on either side of his head.

Exasperated and defenseless to my ministrations, he roughly groaned, "Fuck."

"Language, Dr. Reid."

My hips began to slow again, lifting almost completely off him and leisurely lowering back down to take him in completely.

"Don't tease me."

It was a simple instruction, but I wasn't exactly a model student.

"Hmmm," I hummed, shifting back and forth as I lifted once more as I stubbornly muttered, "No."

I had to admit the way the fire brewed in his face in response was what I was after. As much as I loved being on top and being in control, I wanted to see what this man was truly capable of.

"No?" he asked, giving me one more chance to listen to him.

I laughed weakly between moans, the feeling of his hands tightening their grip on my ass sparking arousal through me like lightning.

"You heard me."

"You're going to regret that," he warned.

Spencer didn't protest again. He took matters into his own hands the next time I had completed my ascent. He thrust up into me at the same time he used all his strength to fully pull me down onto him. The mangled cry of pleasure I let out was by far the loudest noise I'd made tonight, which only served to stroke his ego.

His pace increased as he wrapped an arm around my lower back. Our chests were pressed firmly against each other, and I could feel his heart pounding wildly against me. I knew I couldn't last much longer, and the heady, uninhibited atmosphere of the room overtook me. My knuckles blanched as I gripped his biceps, sure to leave 10 crescent shaped indents as evidence.

"S-Spencer," I choked out as he continued his punishing pace. I hadn't even meant to use his name, but from the growl in my ear, I think he liked it.

He threw his head back, and closed his eyes while I continued to mewl helplessly. It didn't take much longer until I felt my legs shaking once more. As I rode the brink of my second orgasm, I opened my eyes to prove to myself that he was enjoying it as much as I was.

Sure enough, Spencer Reid looked absolutely frantic in the unmuted pleasure. That stare he gave as he drove into me was what finally made me come fully undone, one last silent scream as my velvety slickness throbbed around his cock, begging him to follow me into the glorious abyss.

And with a few more staggered thrusts, he did. His hand scratched across my lower back as he released himself. I arched at the sensation once more before collapsing entirely onto his chest.

I wasn't sure which one of us was more exhausted in the sweaty, gasping aftermath. We just laid there together, neither of us wanting to move yet. He had an arm laid over his face and tried to catch his breath.

"Hey, Spencer?"

My voice was the first to break the silence, and he moved his arm to look down at me.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I don't regret it."

His big, goofy grin made me laugh as I finally had the capacity to lift myself enough to flop unceremoniously off of him.

"Hey (y/n)," he started, turning his head to the side to take one last glance at my naked form before we had to figure out the logistics of everything else. The smile on my face was just as obvious in my voice.

"Yeah?"

"Me neither."

—————————————————

Waking up next to Spencer was like waking up to find that your dream was reality. The way the sunbeam peeked through the curtain just to shine light on his peacefully sleeping face was criminal. I couldn't stop myself from hesitantly reaching out and moving the hair from his face. I wanted nothing to get in the way of my ogling.

But then his eyes fluttered open and a large grin formed on his face as he mumbled, "G'morning."

I could tell from his slight wince that he must have had a little bit of a hangover, which I did not envy.

"Ah, the joys of being 20 and not getting hungover from one night out," I joked. "Old man."

Spencer rolled his eyes, running both hands over his face as he turned onto his back.

"Shut up. Don't brag. And don't remind me."

"Of last night? How rude. I thought we had a wonderful time." I sat up, letting the covers fall off and expose my bare chest to him. Unable to suppress his desire, he peeked from behind his hands.

"It's downright criminal that you look like that right now," he mumbled.

I could hear a bit of a tease in his choice of words, a sense of humor I wasn't expecting this early in the morning. Leaning over, I laid a cheeky kiss on his lips.

"I aim to misbehave."

"Don't quote Serenity at me," he lightheartedly warned. "It's already going to be hard to leave."

I slid my hand over his bare chest and let it rest over his heart. I wanted to see the effect I had on it when I said, "Then don't."

His heart didn't skip a beat, but it certainly got faster. It was like I'd knocked the air out of his lungs.

"Seize the time. Live now," I said, my voice gravelly as I mimicked Captain Picard. "Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again."

"You did not just quote Star Trek," he groaned with a visibly pained expression that he covered with his hands. "Were you even born yet in 1992?"

"Does it matter?" I asked with a laugh, and he sighed.

"I have to get up before you do something else to try and make me fall in love with you."

The words were music to my ears, and I felt my cheeks burn at the thought. It was enough of a surprise that I didn't protest. I let him slip out of the bed and trudge over to the bathroom. I watched the way his hips moved and ogled him from behind at least one more time.

After all, it might be the last.

Just as the sink began running, I heard an unfamiliar, muffled ringtone from the other side of the bed. I crawled over to locate the sound shoved between the pillows.

It was his phone, with the name "Hotchner" across the front.

I can't explain what came over me, but for some reason I just had to mess with him. I heard the water shut off. I heard as he called "Is that my phone?"

But he was too late, because my answer to his question was said to the party on the other side of the call.

"Hello, you've reached Special Agent Dr. Reid's phone."

A chaotic silence ensued on the other side of the phone, complete with someone snickering in what sounded like the backseat of a car. 

"Hello, this is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, may I speak with Dr. Reid?"

I could barely hear him over my own laughter as Spencer ran into every object between the bathroom and the bed.

"Oh, you son of a—" he was also laughing, despite his absolute lunacy in this moment. He swiped the phone away from me, but I grabbed onto him to pull him onto the bed with me. He gladly sat down, finally clearing his throat and saying, "Hey, uh, hello. You've got Reid."

"And someone else, it seems," the man named Hotchner said.

I covered my mouth and bit down on my tongue as Reid shot me the most adorable death glare.  I spread out my legs to take my seat behind him, draping my arms around him before I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Listen, Reid, there seems to be some problem back at Quantico. We have to head back now. We have your things but we need to get you. Where are you?"

I could see the wheels in his head turning as he glanced around the room, clearly trying to figure out which hotel we were in. I knew he was bright enough to figure it out, but I wasn't done building up a case to tease him with.

"The Mayflower Hotel," I said sweetly into the phone over his shoulder.

Spencer glanced over at me again, but this time he wasn't annoyed. He seemed... happy. My hands dangled over his chest, and I began to trace small patterns over him.

"Okay. We'll be there in 20 minutes. Be ready."

"Got it," Spencer replied before the man named Hotchner continued.

"And Reid?"

I noticed him holding his breath as he waited for the rest of the sentence.

"Go easy on her."

The line cut out before Spencer could protest.

"Ooo, your boss man is on my side," I teased.

Spencer reached a hand up, grabbing hold of one of mine and seemingly enjoying the warmth I provided in the chilly hotel room. I placed gentle kisses against his neck and softly exhaled against the goosebumps that formed.

"You know..." I whispered, "I still haven't delivered on my promise to give you some marks of your own... And there's a lot that can happen in 20 minutes."

Anyone could guess what happened next, but I'll leave you with this:

He was definitely late for his ride.

—————————————————  

| Part 3 |

[ymiwritesstuff]

Hi hi! How are you? Hope you're doing okie dokie! Could I request some angst where the reader is a vampire and will testimony DIO's death by Jotaro's hand and tries to avenge him but cannot and the crusaders are forced to do something since they cannot let anyone off the hook?

Hello there! I’m doing alright thank you! This request was really really fun and painful to work on and I really hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for requesting!

Fruitless Vengeance

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 3: Stardust Crusaders

Dio Brando x Fem!Vampire!Reader

Summary: A certain vampire had a special effect on you but when your cherished relationship faces a horrifying threat, a thirst for revenge consumes you.

Notes: Angst, SPOILERS FOR PART 3

Having lived for literal centuries, blessed by the gift of eternal life you had come across many kinds of people as well as other ethereal beings of the dark. As the long years went by and events occurred, you witnessed the changes in how people acted, how inventions were invented, and how your kind slowly vanished from the face of the Earth, either by a misplaced step into the deadly sunlight or by those pathetic humans who feared vampires.

When you encountered him after wandering around in the streets of Egypt, the moment stuck to you and remained within you even months after it had occurred. It was clear to you from the moment you set your (E/C) eyes on Dio’s resplendent form that he was something special. He only had to look at you with those piercing amber eyes to make you realize just how much power he possessed. Yet at the same time, that fierce gaze had a strange alluring effect on you as it pulled you in and made his presence that much more captivating.

You had met many others of your kind but something about him radiated a totally foreign type of energy, something you had never experienced before. Dio was special, one of his kind, unlike any other vampire you had ever faced. And the reason for that strange power was revealed to you when the Lord told you about Stands, the powerful energy that manifested into a spirit, you finally understood what made him emit such strength. The concept fascinated you, to the point where Dio was willing to assist you in awakening your own fighting spirit. And thus, with the help of a certain arrow, your stand awakened.

The admiration you held for him was genuine, and you soon found yourself willing to do anything for him. A part of this was due to his natural charm that had completely taken over you, but in the end, it all came down to the fact that he was the only other vampire you had encountered in years, and as you spent more time with him, and he told his story, you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. Even though his exterior was as tough as a mountain, you could see cracks in it, and it made you appreciate him even more.

~

Your heavy panting and your fast heartbeat were the only things audible to you as you ran towards the direction you had seen the two fighting figures head to. For the first time in the centuries of being alive, you were afraid. It felt as though even with the superior speed of a vampire, you weren’t fast enough, and the rare fear that plagued your heart made you doubt. Doubt everything. Every time stop his stand produced, you felt them. And they were strangely growing weaker. And that made your core tremble with anxiety.

Another one. You weren’t certain how you were able to sense the times he used his stand’s overwhelming power, but it was clear as day that what you felt was indeed The World’s time stop. As you ran towards him, you focused on the sensation, counting the seconds that had become significantly longer. Dio had moved at such a fast speed as he was battling Jotaro you couldn't keep track of him. You weren’t even sure the direction you were heading was the correct one but that underlying fear poisoning you was fueling your being and demanding you to find him. Because something inside you told you that everything wasn’t alright.

Suddenly, a sound that could only be described as something massive hitting the asphalt surface of the road pierced through the air. This immediately caused you to pick up speed and head towards the sound even quicker than before, still feeling like it wasn’t enough. Whatever had just happened, you were certain it had something to do with the ongoing battle of the stand users, and it worried you.

As you ran, every possible worst-case scenario entered your mind. Despite knowing just how powerful Dio was, you couldn’t help but think of the possibility of him losing this fateful battle. No, he had to win. He was the strongest being you had ever met, surely, he would be able to best this human teenager that had caused him so much trouble. Your panting increased the more you ran but your eyes quickly notice two figures. One is standing while the other... Is on the ground. No. 

They’re too far away for you to identify them but you pray for whatever higher power there was that the one on the ground wasn’t him. Your growing exhaustion plants itself onto you and your whole body succumbs to it, feeling as if it’s on fire. However, you kept on running, desiring but also dreading to get a better view of the possibly alarming situation.

As you got closer, however, something happened. A set of quick movements by the two figures caught your attention and you could finally tell that the person on the ground was indeed the Lord and the other person, Jotaro, was standing in front of him awaiting his next move. Everything seemed to happen in an instant, and before you even knew it, Dio had gotten up and aimed a powerful kick at the now vulnerable teen. This gave you hope. Finally, after all the struggle and trials, he was about to put an end to the petty group that so foolishly tried to oppose him.

But he didn’t.

All your movements and seemingly the entire world came to a halt. The World’s leg came in contact with Star Platinum’s fist and for a moment, it looked like the battle would end in the blonde vampire’s victory. However, everything collapsed. The stand’s leg cracked, and that painful crack traveled all across the left side of the stand, but most horrifyingly, its user. Dio yelled in pain as his entire being began to disintegrate, his entire body being torn in half.

“NO!” A scream ripped out of your throat as your eyes helplessly watch the horrifying sight. His amber eyes lock onto you, a shine of desperation and fear shining in them as his body gets ripped apart in the most merciless way you could have ever imagined. Your body begins to tremble, your eyes fill with burning tears and another, gutwrenching screams escapes your mouth. It all happened so fast, and now, he was gone. And all that remained was his soulless body, brutally ripped in two.

Then, your eyes turn to Jotaro, whose own were on you, with no pity in them. Your grief quickly turns into rage, a spark of fury igniting within you. With one swift movement, you lunge at the black-haired teen, summoning your stand in the process in hopes of avenging the one you love.

In the heat of the moment, you fail to remember all the warnings you had received regarding Jotaro’s stand and receive a grim reminder as Star Platinum’s fist comes in contact with your body, knocking you on the ground. The impact most likely broke a couple of bones as a cry of pain leaves your mouth. You stay strong and lock your eyes on Jotaro again, unwilling to give up. “Y-you... You’ll pay for what you did!” The tears that form in your eyes feel like glass shards, the pain traveling to your entire being.

You attempt to get up, determined to kill this pathetic child, the sadness roaming inside mixing with undying hatred. The effort is in vain as you collapse on the ground again, your broken bones that would eventually regenerate screaming in pain. “Don’t try to get up. You’ll only end up on the ground again.” His voice was cold, unphased by what he had just done. And that only fueled your anger.

“I-I... Y-you... How could you..” A sob escapes your lips as your fury quickly gets overpowered by the sadness. How could he be so... So unaffected by this? Your entire world was crushed and he didn’t seem to care. You felt your injuries slowly healing, and Jotaro seemed to notice this.

“So you’re just like him. Fucking hell...” He sighed in frustration and for a moment the cold stare he gave you frightened you. But at the same time, he looked unsure. His turquoise eyes had a strange shine that seemed to be unsure about what to do next. Jotaro had never killed any of Dio’s minions, only injured them enough for them to retire, but with you, being a powerful vampire like Dio and trying to avenge your Lord, the teen wasn’t sure what to do.

“Good grief...” The uncertainty plastered across his face gave you the perfect opportunity to strike, but you couldn’t. In the end, no matter what you did, nothing would bring him back. Your hands clench into fists, your tears falling onto the hard ground as the sight of Dio being obliterated is still freshly planted within your mind. And that sight didn’t allow you to give up as the last of your injuries quickly healed.

You lift your head up to look at your loved one’s killer into those cursed eyes and wait for him to make his move.

“Whatever you decide do, Jotaro... Know, that I won’t give up...”

[moonlitwings1]

Pumpkin Patch

“That one’s too small, Billy,” Max huffs, turning her head back to focus on the pumpkin in front of her. “You can’t carve on that.”

“The fuck you know about pumpkin sizes?”

“Ms. Cris said it has to have a large enough surface so it’ll be easy to carve.”

“Then get that one,” Billy says, pointing to a large yellow pumpkin. He was getting impatient, it’s been ten minutes now, just waiting around for Max to choose a fucking pumpkin. They’ve been looking at row after row of pumpkins. Not to mention that he’s freezing his ass off. He’s wearing a button down with most of the buttons popped open, so that’s not helping his case, but if he’s going to freeze to death, might as well look hot while doing so. 

Max turns to look at the pumpkin he’s pointing at, and sighs like she’s tired of his shit, which pisses him off immediately. If anyone’s tired of anyone’s shit, it’s him. “That’s the ugliest color, Billy.” She’s not wrong. It was an pasty yellow color. 

“Don’t care. You’ve got 10 seconds to chose a pumpkin or we’re leaving without,” he says, already starting to push past her. 

“Wait! How about this one?” she asks, pointing at the one she was just examining. Without hesitation, he grabs the pumpkin and holds it under his arm like a football. 

“Great. Let’s go.” 

After paying for it, he takes Max by the arm and leads her to the car, hitting the gas before she even closes the door completely. 

“You’re going to help me carve it out, right?” 

His head snaps over to her. “What the fuck? No.”

“Mom said-”

“I don’t care what your mom said. I’m telling you no.”

From the corner of his eye, he sees her toss her head up in frustration, banging it against the headrest.

“I’m not allowed to carve it without an adult, Billy!”

“You’re 14. I’m sure you can handle a knife fine.” 

“Tell my mom that!”

He doesn’t bother to reply, choosing to focus on the icy roads ahead of him. Dangerous to speed on, but that’s not going to stop him. He hears her let out a high-pitched noise that sounds awfully like a whine. He can’t help the snort that comes out. This is a dumb thing for her to get frustrated about. 

“Please, Billy. I need it for school tomorrow. I promise it’ll be fun. We can decorate it and stuff. I’ll even give you part of the prize if I win.”

“Prize?”

“Yeah! They give a candy basket each year to the winners. I’ll give you all the chocolates if you help me.” She’s talking faster now that she realizes she’s gotten his attention, only a matter of time before he loses interest. 

“You’ll give me all the chocolates and I don’t have to drive you anywhere for a week if you win.” 

She hesitates at that, mulling it over. “Deal. But you actually have to help me, not just sit there.”

He snorts. “We’ll see.”

-----

They started with gutting the pumpkin first. Billy had pulled a large, white sheet over the table so Susan won’t blow a gasket when they inevitably spill pumpkin guts all over it. 

"Go grab a knife, Max,” he says, watching as she rushes to do what she’s told. It’s amusing watching her scramble for it. He’s pretty sure she’s scared that one wrong move will get him to ditch the project. She’s not wrong. 

He grabs the knife from her and starts carving out the top. Max stands there silently while watching, ready to do anything he says. His little apprentice. Ironic since this is supposed to her project. 

“You know what you’re going to carve this into?” 

Max shuffles her feet. “Um, I have a skull stencil we can use. I wanted to make one that looks like your tattoo.”

He grunts at that, too focused on cutting the top open.

“It doesn’t have a cigarette tho,” she presses on. “I was thinking we could stick one of yours in the middle of it.”

“So you want me to help you with this dumb shit and give you one my cigarettes that I paid for with my own goddamn money?” 

“...Yes?” 

“Not a chance in hell,” he smirks, pulling at the stem. 

“But-”

“Got it open,” he says triumphantly, holding the stem out in front of her. “Go get some ice scream scoops.”

She clambers away and comes back with two in hand along with a bowl. He takes the bowl from her and gets to work, nudging her to do the same. In 10 minutes, they’ve gotten the pumpkin pretty scraped down. 

“Ew. Look at all the guts,” she says, poking at the bowl. 

“Save them. Maybe Susan’ll want to make use of it.”

Max nods. “I’ll get the stencils.”

He’ll let Max do the tracing herself. If he’s being honest, his arm hurts from all that scooping. Getting the top off the pumpkin put strain on his arm. It's harder than it looks, ok? 

He hoists himself up from the rickety chair under him and pulls out a cigarette and his lighter. “I’m going out to smoke,” he mumbles as he passes Max in hallway. He doesn’t wait for her reply before pushing the door open and slipping outside. 

---

“Billy!” he hears Max shout from the inside. “I’m finished!”

Ten minutes pass too fast, he thinks. Sighing, he flicks the cigarette butt onto the driveway below him. He’ll probably get shit for that later. He walks back in to see Max focusing with her tongue sticking out from between her teeth, fixing the messy edges with a marker. He reaches out to ruffle her hair, chuckling when she tries to shove his hand off of her. 

“What’s next, shitbird?” 

“We have to carve it now, dumbass. What do you think?” 

He scowls at her for a long moment before flicking her nose. “Lose the attitude.”

“Ow, Billy!” she whines, rubbing her nose with one hand and pushing him with the other. “That hurt.” Whiney bitch. He didn’t even do it that hard. 

“Hand me the knife.” She gives him a glare before shoving the knife into his hand. He has zero experience in pumpkin carving so this won’t turn out well. Especially since Max didn’t want to help him by choosing an easy design. The skull she had drawn on seems simple enough, but it has way too many teeth to carve individually. He’s not too worried about it though; he’ll just make some adjustments. 

Max sits beside him and watches him, her chin resting on the table. "Do we have candles?” 

“Probably. Why? You can’t bring them to school unless you want to start a fire.”

“I know, but I want to put one inside the pumpkin when halloween actually comes,” she says. “It’ll look spooky to trick or treaters.”

Billy looks up at her. “You’re still allowed to go trick or treating?” Max got grounded a couple days ago for sneaking out when Neil was home. For all his talk about respect and responsibility, he can’t even watch his own step-daughter. 

“No,” she sighs. “I wish. That’s why I wanna win this. So I can still have more candy than all my friends without even going trick-or-treating.”

He stares at her for a moment. There’s no way she’s serious. When she just glares at him harder, eyes squinted, he laughs. “That’s why you want to win? So you can have more candy than all your little friends? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard today.” Sometimes he forgets that Max is just a kid that stresses about dumb kid stuff. 

“’s not stupid,” she mumbles, but it sounds weak. “I just want candy.”

“Couldn’t tell,” he chuckles, bringing his focus back to the task at hand. One wrong move, and it’ll turn into shit. 

----

...many wrong moves later...

“Maybe we could put a hat on to cover it up?”

The pumpkin looked horrifying and not in the intended way. The eyes and nose were ok, a little too boxy, but they weren’t terrible. But the teeth. Oh, the teeth. He could say it was  an artistic choice but even that wouldn’t be able to excuse it. 

“Hat’s not going to do shit to cover up the front, dumbass.”

“Well it’ll distract from...all that,” she says, hands motioning towards the pumpkin. 

“You know, this is your fault for making the stencil so detailed.”

She turns to look at him, mouth agape, indignant. He wishes he could take a picture of that face and frame it. “Wha--my fault?! It’s your fault for not being able to follow the stupid stencil!” 

“Who puts teeth on a jack o'lantern, Max? Jack o'lanterns don’t have teeth. They have fucking gaps in their mouth.” 

“Well, it wasn’t supposed to look like a jack o'lantern. It was supposed to be a skull but you botched it,” she huffs, crossing her arms across her body. “Now it looks like a skull that needs braces...or dentures. You made a grandma skull.”

Normally, he’d see red with an ungrateful, bratty attitude like that, but even he has to agree with her. Laughing, he replies, “True. Ya got me there, but why the fuck did you think I’d be able to carve tiny fucking teeth?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs, dropping her arms. “I guess I thought you had potential or whatever.”

“Now why the fuck would you think that?”

She laughs. A genuine one too, and try as he might, he can’t push aside the pride that fills his chest from making her laugh.

She shrugs, “Good question.” 

They sit there in silence for a minute, admiring their monstrosity. Billy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette. 

“Go get a piece of tape. If we’re going to have a grandma skull, might as well make it a badass one.”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to give me a cigarette that you paid for with your own ‘goddamn money,’” she snarks, putting words into air quotes. 

He scowls at her. “You better get that tape quickly before I change my mind.”

She rolls her eyes before leaving in search of tape. Ungrateful brat. She comes rushing back with a piece of tape on her finger that he snatches up. He sticks the cigarette on the lower part of the mouth and tapes it down. Still looks shitty. 

“Wait!” Max says, looking like she just had a lightbulb moment. “I could say this is what happens when you smoke.” 

“Maxine, what the fuck.”

“What? It’ll be a lesson to all the students, and my teachers’ll will be impressed. Isn’t teeth rotting a side affect of smoking? That would work for this. Also, just so you know, rotting teeth isn’t the only side affect. There’s also the risk of bad breath, lung damage, yellowing eyes...” she goes on, counting on her fucking fingers for God’s sake. 

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” 

She grins at it him. “What? I’m just saying how it is. You should quit. Maybe that’ll help your bad breath.” 

Billy scoffs. He does not have bad breath. That little bitch is making shit up, and she didn’t look a bit remorseful. That’ll change soon enough. “You gonna apologize for that?” 

She snorts, “No.”

Ok then. “You better start running, Max.”

“What?”

“Five, four...” Max looks at him in horror, eyes wide. 

“Billy, it was just a joke.”

“Three...”

“I’m sorry?” Well, too late for her apology now. 

He stands up, looking down at his watch for dramatic purposes. “Two...” The count down seems to be working because right as he was about to say one, she sprints off towards the direction of her room. He cackles before chasing after her, but it’s just for show. Her reaction made it worth it. Max is squealing like a little kid, reaching for her door and closing it right before letting out a final high-pitched scream. 

“ASSHOLE,” she yells. 

“SHITBIRD,” he yells back, holding back laughter.

---

The next day, he drives Max to school with the pumpkin held securely in her lap. 

“You think you’re gonna win?”

“No,” she laughs. “Have you seen it? It’s too ugly to win.”

“No candy for you then, huh?” 

He sees her shrug from the corner of his eye. “Probably not. But I don’t really care anymore. My friends’ll give me their shitty leftovers.”

“You’re still sharing with me, though. And I don’t have to drive you anywhere today.”

“Yeah, yeah. I remember.”

----

High school ends 30 minutes before the middle school so that leaves Billy sitting in the car, waiting for Max. He looks at his watch. If he leaves now, he’ll be able to make it to the convenience store and back in about 20 minutes. He wants to pick up some candy. Not for Max. No. Halloween’s tonight. It’s best to be prepared. Neil was probably going to go tell him to pick some up anyways. 

Mind set, he starts up the car and heads off to Melvald’s, grabbing two large packs of candy. The labels listed different types of chocolate. He thinks about Max always begging him to pick up a chocolate bar for her when he goes to get gas. Max likes chocolate...but he’s getting chocolate because it’s popular, not because of her. Everyone likes chocolate, right? He’s sure the trick-or-treaters will be incredibly delighted.  

He tosses the two bags of candy into the backseat before heading off to pick up Max. 

---

“Any luck?” he asks, pushing the passenger side door open from where he’s sitting since Max’s hands are full, holding the pumpkin in one hand and her skateboard in the other. 

“No,” she grumbles, getting into the car, and shutting the door. “Some prissy girl won first place for her stupid princess pumpkin.”

“Sounds lame.” He didn’t expect her to win. That grandma pumpkin was mediocre at best. 

“It was.” She lets out a sigh and tosses her skateboard in the back without looking, pausing when she hears the loud crinkle of plastic. Shit. 

“Is that for me?” she gasps, already turning her body around completely, reaching into the backseat. She’s kneeling on the seat, hunching over the shoulder of it.

Billy swipes at her hands and pushes her back into the seat before she can get her dirty hands on the bags. 

“No,” he says, starting up the car, and pulling away. “They’re for the trick or treaters tonight.”

There definitely weren’t going to be enough trick or treaters to actually take all two giant bags of candy. They don’t live in a very popular neighborhood. 

“Oh, but there’re two bags of candy,” she pouts. 

“So? Dad told me to get two.” Lies. 

“How come we didn’t give out candy last year? I thought Neil said it was the devil’s holiday.” 

Billy snorts. He forgot about that. “How the fuck am I supposed to know? Go ask him.” He prays to whatever God out there that she doesn’t actually go and bug Neil about it. That won’t end well. 

“There’s gonna be leftovers,” she muses. He can feel her staring at him with wide eyes. It’s making him uncomfortable, and he squirms in his seat a little before turning to glare at her.

“And? 

She’s pouting obnoxiously now, giving him a puppy dog look. That shit won’t work on him. “Can I have the leftovers? Please?”

“You still owe me candy,” he says. “I should be the one eating them.” 

“We can split it! 

He pretends to mull it over. “Fine.”

“Yes!” she squeals, triumphant, pumping her fist up in the air, but it hits the car ceiling.

“Watch it, you bitch,” he snaps, but he’s not really mad. He’s just trying to cover up the smile that’s tugging at his lips. This is stupid. He can’t believe he’s smiling over this shit. 

“Ooo, can we get dressed up?”

“Hell fucking no, Maxine. Don’t push it.” 

“But it’s Friday! Neil and Mom will be out on dinner and I have an extra eye-patch. We could be pirates!” 

Ok, being a pirate didn’t sound like the worst idea. It could give him an excuse to walk around shirtless. Plus, he could show off to all the mom’s taking their children trick-or-treating. Maybe Steve’ll come with his gaggle of kids...

“Fine, but I’m not driving you for two weeks now.” 

He laughs when Max lets out a dramatic sigh. Tonight’ll be fun. He expects stomach aches and candy wrappers everywhere. Maybe even smashed pumpkin bits, if she’ll let him. They have an axe in the shed. He could put on a horror show for her. The victim? A grandma pumpkin. 

[shslmahoushoujo]

Ok, let’s talk Eren. Because there’s certainly a lot to talk about, and I definitely think that Isayama’s still got a few tricks up his sleeve with him. I’ll definitely want to talk about Historia at some point in the future, too, but I need to get more pieces together there, so for now, let’s dive into a timeline of Eren’s mind. Let’s put the events between chapter 90 and the Marley arc in order, and see what we see. And pay close attention to what we don’t, because that’s every bit as important. And now, brace yourselves if you decide to read this, because boy is it a long one. So, time for a read more break!

So to make this easier, let’s start from the start. The moment the disconnect between Eren and the reader starts. (Side note, I can totally see why the anime made this chapter into a single episode more and more, it’s so important)

At this point, Eren gets all of those memories from the future. We definitely don’t know all he saw (”that scenery” and no doubt something related to why his dad still gave him the power) but we’ve got enough to understand his reaction, specially if we consider the shards from chapter 130 also being some of those memories he got. A horrified “I do all of this?” is probably the first thing that he thinks. And so a year passes. Memories from the past from what his father experienced, and memories from the future of things he’ll do that he just can’t believe he’d even do. At this point, his knowledge of the world is also limited to “Eldia good, Marley bad” which is reinforced by experiencing his father’s memories (as if he experienced them himself, as opposed to everyone else just reading the journals), and that certainly has an effect on him. And so we get to one year later, to the ocean scene, where he poses the question based on the future he’s seen. “Those enemies on the other side of here... If we kill them all... does that mean...”

“That’s what I’m doing in the future, right? That’s what this all leads up to?” is probably what’s going through his head as he poses that. He doesn’t quite understand how it makes sense. And then not long after, his negative biases start being reinforced. Marley comes in with their expeditionary forces and he worries about a full force attack. Then Yelena comes in with a plan from Zeke, which likely makes him start thinking that those memories make more sense.

“It’s gotta be something we must agree on in the future then. Our one option.” See how he immediately jumps to that conclusion. He’s still spending all that time thinking on how those memories make sense, and that seems to be the answer. And his us vs. them view is further built up on by the Survey Corps’ biggest mistake. Notice someone missing?

While the rest of the Levi Squad gets to open their minds about people on the other side of the walls and make connections with the volunteers and POWs, in their extreme wariness to keep Eren away from the potential of Zeke’s manipulations, they keep him from making a connection. Armin and Mikasa see progress, but Eren just sees the glares of POWs and a serious lack of time. He doesn’t get to experience a potential peaceful option that the rest get to. So at that point it is “we follow Zeke’s plan, we use a major show of force against the world, and we buy time”. Memories seem to make sense for the time being. And so another year passes, and things start looking a bit better. A port is built, and they get introduced to what seems like they may just be genuine allies from the outside world

Finally, right? There’s a chance for things to work out. Eren doesn’t get to interact with the volunteers or the POWs, but at least he can see they’ve upheld their side, the port works, and they have allies who’re following them due to a noble cause. We even see Eren smile, probably for the first time in two years! But then...

Suddenly, things get much messier. Kiyomi’s motivation for Azumabito support gets muddier which supports negative biases on his end towards the outside world, and the plan basically means a repeat of what the royal family did for years. The very thing he sees in his memories he’ll make his father put an end to, no less. “Surely I’m not bringing upon the rumbling to support this, right?” must be one of the things that comes up in his head. And so, he makes the push. All options should be checked out, there must be another way. Him using the rumbling could still be part of an alternative plan, after all. The Azumabito head out, and another year passes...

Boy, if you thought Eren’s biases towards the outside world were negative before, they’re hitting rock bottom right here. Everything here keeps supporting the idea that “the world is the enemy”.  And the time aspect comes up yet again. The 104th discuss passing down his titan, and it reminds him time is running out and if he wants to keep his friends safe and prevent the cycle of titans to continue, he needs to do something. And as if things weren’t bad enough yet, after the railway opening ceremony, Yelena comes over and...

Talk about the motherest of all fucks. He already disagreed with Zeke’s plan on the basis of Historia being used as a baby machine and THEN this comes up? And Zeke’s gonna come in one way or the other. The top brass of the military is compromised. Absolutely everything seems against the island at this point. Zeke just wants to euthanize every Subject of Ymir. The Azumabito are just hanging out like vultures waiting for the spoils from the island. Everyone else plain old wants them dead. He didn’t even get to hang out with the volunteers like Onyankopon to see that they genuinely care for the future of the island! It’s not surprising that at this point, this is the conclusion he comes to.

And that’s it, right? Eren just lost all faith in everything except Paradis (and not even all of it) and wants everything to burn, right? Well, it’s certainly what Isayama wants you to think at this point. See, I don’t doubt that, at this point in time, Eren did mean this. But here’s where the fun part comes: We’re still missing parts in the middle. But we have something starting to build up to that something else. We fast forward a month or so, to 123. The first time Eren experiences the outside world by himself.

I think this moment is pretty important. His perception of the world was mostly about his dad’s memories (which he brings up to Mikasa just before). But this is very different. For the first time, he gets to witness firsthand the scale of what he’s considering. And following that... Well, you already see him in this page, he stands out, but he comes into play. Fez kid.

That likely makes Eren think of other future memories that haven’t come to pass, but most important, it begins showing Eren another side of the outside world. See, so far his impressions are that it’s either people like the Azumabito who’re only interested due to having something to gain, or people like Sargent Gross or Zeke who outright want them dead, whether it’s out of hatred or genuinely thinking it’s the right thing. But Fez Kid and the people he’s with are different. They’re just like Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were after the fall of Wall Maria. I do think that this is the first time Eren truly questions going with the Rumbling

But they also do something that could be the key in preventing the potential destructive course Eren was in at the time:

I don’t think many people really consider how huge this is. Just a month or so before, Eren saw the whole outside world as the enemy. Yet here, in this one night, he sees more humanity to the outside world and something far more positive than he’d considered in YEARS. These people don’t even understand them, there’s a language barrier, and yet during that night a connection is built and for once, it’s just Eren actually sharing a good time with others. Sure, he may intend this as a goodbye considering he left the next day either way, but I genuinely think this is the point where he’d start having some hesitation about his plan.

The next day, he leaves, but then we enter ??? territory from the good few months he spent at Marley leading up to the Marley arc. His talk on the basement with Reiner is no doubt Eren at his most honest in quite some time, and based on all we have leading up to this, it’s clear it takes more than just Falco to make him change his views to these:

The story has made that much clear. He no doubt spent a long time on his own before even infiltrating at Fort Slava (the panel of Eren with his Marley arc look at the town near the fort is proof enough), and we also know Fez kid was a part of his life yet again. The fact we still have two unexplained panels of him tells us there’s more we’re missing.

And this is where I think Isayama’s leading the audience into a narrative trap. It reminds me of The Last of Us 2, in a way. Being vague here for people who haven’t watched and/or played the game, Ellie’s flashbacks seem to reinforce a certain perspective on why she’s gone on her quest, only for further ones down the line completely change what we thought she knew and recontextualizing her motivation. I think this is similar, it just happens to be a monthly manga that’s letting you sit on each assumption for months as opposed to it being a 20+ hour long game that you can get through in a few sittings.

But yeah, before I end up digressing even further, that’s what I think is happening. Isayama is reinforcing certain assumptions, and organizing the flashbacks in a way that obfuscates the full truth. At this point, I end up referring to @jaegerbroshoe​‘s theory on Eren finally making full sense of those memories during Willy’s speech in chapter 100. So summing up how I think it went, Eren did mean for the destruction of the world 9 months before current events, upon arriving at the mainland, interacting with Fez kid and haivng to live there for a few months he started questioning his plan and reconsidering what those memories meant (”Do I really do this despite what I’ve now learned?”), and finally, as Willy’s speech happens and he talks to Reiner, he gets some true clarity.

But then you ask, if his plan isn’t the destruction of the world, why would he still push his friends away? I think it’s a complicated situation. First off, he still does intend to make himself into a monster in the eyes of everyone else, and he’s not just gonna go “ha, just kidding!” last second. He needs to commit to the role. But also, because he already locked himself into it. Floch has already formed the Yeagerists. Zeke’s plan is in motion. The Liberio festival and raid is gonna happen either way. And there’s a whole other post I have to make on Historia’s pregnancy at some point, but I suspect it’s fake and that Historia herself isn’t even in Paradis anymore at this point. The memories now make sense, he understands his own plan, but it doesn’t mean he can just walk back on things and pretend there’ll be no consequences. All he has left is to keep moving forward and trust that this last interpretation of his future memories is right.

[hexalt]

Schitt’s Creek and the Transformative Power of Love

I first watched the pilot for Schitt’s Creek in the early part of 2019 and found it...eccentric. Not really funny, the characters weren’t speaking to me (except for Stevie (Emily Hampshire), whom I felt a kinship with), and the story seemed odd. I decided this show just wasn’t for me, and I had given it my best shot. Many months later, one of my best friends was posting about it frequently. Since we have the same taste, I thought maybe it was just the pilot. Maybe I should give it another shot. Maybe this time I’ll actually like it. So I started it from the pilot again, and I kept watching even if I wasn’t thoroughly entertained. I soon grew to love the two black sheep and having characters you understand always makes things easier.

What I didn’t realize when I started the show was that the characters were each more than they seem, they weren’t meant to be shallow jokes of themselves and their personas. The way they acted was often a façade hiding their insecurities of not being good enough in a variety of ways. The only other show that I’ve seen with a somewhat similar premise is Arrested Development, but there the characters are supposed to be absolutely ignorant, privileged assholes with no redeeming qualities.

I didn’t realize each season is better than the last, an astounding and rare feat in television. The quality of each season improves as the show quickly finds its footing by discarding early storylines that didn’t really work and letting the characters slowly becoming more grounded and open. This family that was once so distant that the parents didn’t even know their daughter’s middle name eventually develop genuine relationships for the first time with each other and other people.

Schitt’s Creek, co-created by father and son, Eugene (American Pie, Best in Show) and Dan Levy, wanted us to ultimately empathize with these characters, even if the remnants of their wealth can make them profoundly delusional and hilarious a lot of the time. Before writing the show, they created timelines going back to their characters’ elementary school years, detailing everything from where they worked to what they wore.

The fashion on the show is distinct and the best dressed I’ve seen in any show (and most films). Dan is huge into fashion and personally selects a lot of pieces worn in the show (some of David’s clothes are even from his own wardrobe). Instead of constantly telling the audience that this family used to be rich, we are reminded of it through Moira’s wall of wigs and couture black and white ensembles, David’s patterned black sweaters and low crotch pants, Alexis’s bohemian dresses and headbands, and Johnny’s array of business suits. When they enter any room in town, they are clearly fish out of water.

Schitt’s Creek centers on the Roses, a once-disgustingly wealthy family who lose their fortune and are forced to move to the only asset they have left: a small town named Schitt’s Creek that Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy) bought as a joke for his son, David (Dan Levy). So dilapidated is Schitt's Creek and so destitute are the Roses, they don't even have a house of their own; instead they are forced to live in a motel with two connecting rooms, forgoing all the luxury they had become accustomed to and, more terrifyingly, are now physically closer than ever.

While at first the family is horrified at the prospect of living in such a small town with townies, they eventually embrace the weirdness of the town, and it makes them grow in unexpected ways. Johnny was once the owner of the second-largest video rental store in the country and retains his businessman-like self through and through, but he also began the show more uppity. While he is often the most reasonable of the Roses, he often sees himself as above others in town and gets into awkward situations because of it. Over the course of the show he ends up developing a friendship with the town mayor to whom he initially had yelled “get the fuck out!” While he’s always devoted to his wife, he wasn’t so keen on his children, but being forced to live together makes him take a larger interest in their lives and become a better father.

Alexis (Annie Murphy) is the quintessential “dumb blonde” socialite who’s had a Schitt-ton of relationships with powerful men, making stories of her past highly entertaining, often illegal, and frequently frightening. She clearly grew up way too fast, never having had proper adult supervision. She’s reliant on men, and all she can think about in season one is trying to date cute guys. In the following seasons, she realizes it’s time to start growing up and gets her high school and Associate’s Degree to start her own PR business. She becomes a more enlightened version of herself, still deeply kind but also willing to put the happiness of others above her own. The Alexis who previously couldn’t see beyond her own nose becomes independent and more selfless.

David’s had hundreds of flings with people of all genders, but they seem to be replete with abuse, manipulation, and a lack of care for his being. This is unsurprising when we see how he hides his insecurity behind sarcasm and sometimes downplays things he doesn’t like to fit in. He fears showing kindness to anyone because others haven’t always been so kind to him. Early on, he has a panic attack and comes to the realization that he’s “really lonely here,” but he’s been lonely for a lot longer than that. What he doesn’t expect is to make his first best friend or find his soon-to-be husband in this backwater town. In the process, he learns to shed some of his armor.

Moira (Catherine O’Hara) was once on a soap opera, Sunrise Bay, and retains the melodrama in her day-to-day life and demeanor. She is constantly trying to become what she believes is a star: someone who acts in film, someone who everyone mourns when they die, someone who people will just pay one sliver of attention to. She’s desperately trying to cling to the spotlight, but in “Life is a Cabaret,” she finds what I believe will be her place come this final season. Rather than trying to constantly soak up attention, she gives Stevie the starring role in the town’s production of Cabaret (which Moira comes to direct) because getting that role was a “gift that once jolted [her] out of [her] little podunk routine.” From the wings of the stage, as Stevie slowly builds into “Maybe This Time” with such breathtaking passion and joy after starting off unsure and quiet, Moira is shocked at what she was able to bring out of Stevie. She’s finally realizing that her place isn’t center stage but in bringing out the best in others and helping them find their place in the world.

Stevie Budd begins as the desk clerk of the Schitt’s Creek motel until her great-aunt passes away, and she inherits the motel. From there she has to decide whether she’s ready to grow up and take over the family business, and she’s terrified. Johnny soon teams up with her in the business, renovating the motel and renaming it after both of them, so she sees the Roses aren’t going to abandon her. She is part of the Rose’s found family. Her and David are similar in their bluntness and sarcasm, but Stevie is insecure about never making it out of the town, never being more than a motel desk clerk, never having a long-term romantic relationship. She worries while everyone moves on with their lives, she’s “watching it all happen from behind the desk.”

Dan describes creating Schitt’s Creek as “writing a world that examines the transformational effects of love when the threat of hate and intolerance has been removed from the equation.” While homophobia is often front and center in any media depicting LGBT characters, Schitt��s Creek doesn’t give it as much thought. Where small towns are usually seen as ripe for homophobia, transphobia, and other discrimination, Schitt’s Creek doesn’t fall prey to this trope. Instead, this small town is bursting with love.

Dan purposely made David pansexual (it’s also the only show I’ve seen use the word) to challenge the viewer’s biases and push the boundaries of what it means to be masculine and feminine. David’s parents and others in the town never discuss it as anything strange or bad, it’s something he simply is and as common as the sky being blue. When David tells Stevie about his sexuality (“I like the wine, not the label”), she’s a bit surprised at first because she thought he was gay, but ultimately she doesn’t care.

This doesn’t mean the show never discusses what homophobia can be like, but it comes at it from a different lens.

For example, in “Meet the Parents,” David decides to throw a surprise birthday party for his boyfriend, Patrick Brewer (Noah Reid). What David doesn’t realize is Patrick hasn’t come out to his parents yet, they think David is solely his business partner. He tells David, “I know my parents are good people, I just...can’t shake this fear that there is a small chance that this could change everything.” David himself is prepared for homophobia from Patrick’s parents, but when they tell him they don’t care about that, just that he was hiding such an important part of himself from them, David who’s been trying to stay strong through it all wipes a tear.

“When I found myself in a position to tell stories on a global scale, I seized the opportunity to make a television show that might, in its own way, offer some support, encouragement and love to those who might not have it in their homes or in their schools or in their day to day lives. It’s a place where acceptance incubates joy and creates a clarity that allows people to see themselves and each other more deeply. It’s fiction, yes. But I’ve always been told to lead by example and this felt like a good place to start.”

— Dan Levy

I would be remiss to not touch on the comedic style of the show. This is a comedy that relies heavily on the physicality of its actors. Their facial expressions, accents and tonality, their limp wrists, each create uniquely funny characters with mannerisms unlike any I’ve seen. The cast brought nuance to the characters, when they could have easily fallen into vapid stereotypes.

As season 6 premiered on January 7, Schitt’s Creek is not done yet, and I can’t wait to see how its final season concludes. The characters are all happier now that they are achieving dreams they may not have known they had, they have fulfilling relationships with family and friends, and they all have grown into better people. Schitt’s Creek truly was their saving grace.

*

I’m in a TV group where we wrote essays on our favorite shows of the 2010s, so here is mine on Schitt’s Creek.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alright, so this is a bit later than I intended, but real life is a pain sometimes. And for those who missed the last post, that’s mostly on me for posting it at midnight, so you might want to go back and check for that - it covers the whole convo between Toshinori and Izuku on the rooftop!

But yeah, this is the final stretch, all the rest of chapter 1, so let’s hop right into it because it’s gonna be a ride.

[No. 1 - Midoriya Izuku: Origin]

Lookit that firebreath (I know it’s not shh). Also, again with the weird lack of crowds / people around in what should have at least a few stragglers. I get that drawing crowds / background masses is annoying, but in a wideview scene like this it’s unnerving. Japan is a high-population-density country, so… uh...

Izuku stares forlornly at his notebook, thinking about all the things people have told him over the past half chapter I mean day about being realistic and thinking seriously about his future. Izuku turns the book so the title faces away from him and starts tearing up, rubbing them away while he chastises himself for crying when he already knew he was being unrealistic, and that his knowing was what had driven him so hard to not see reality.

Overhead sign: 田 (den/ta) 等 (tou) 院 (in) 商店 (shouten) [business] 街 (machi) [boulevard, street]

Store sign: (コ)ネストアー (konesutoaa) [cornerstore]

Well, there’s the crowds, though still not able to account for all that empty street. We also see that Izuku has managed to wander his way to another hero fight despite not even really paying attention, and even though he tells himself he’s going to make himself feel bad for watching, he still heads over to join the crowds. 

He snaps out of his funk when he sees the villain, asking himself how they got away, then realizes he must have made All Might drop it, which means it’s his fault (which kid, honestly, considering he just left those bottles in open flap pockets instead of holding them firmly in his hands, you are not the one to blame.) Also, he utters the ‘this is my fault’ out loud, but the people in front of him obviously don’t hear, distracted as they are with the reason the heroes are just standing around - which is the middle schooler the villain has.

Izuku has a brief flashback to when he was being violated by the villain, and is horrified that someone else is going through the same pain. We get a brief panover of the crowd:

Izuku and Toshinori are like, only fifteen feet apart here, and have the same reaction to the crowd’s commentary. Incredible. We zoom back in to Izuku, who is blaming himself for All Might not being able to do anything. He mentally echoes the same words as the heroes, that someone with the right quirk needs to show up to help catch the guy. He internally tells the captured person to hang in and apologies, saying someone will save him soon.

God I love this spread. This is everything about Izuku right here. You can actually see where Izuku shoved himself through the crowd in order to sprint forward, and you can also see the genuine fear in Katsuki’s eyes in that moment where he and Izuku locked gazes. Also I checked, he sprinted right past three pro heroes, with none of them reacting in time. Incredible.

Toshinori and said heroes all freak out, and Izuku’s panicking right along with them but is still rushing forward despite that. Death Arms and the bird-helmet hero both yell at Izuku to get back, but don’t actually go after him. The sludge villain and Katsuki both react as well, recognizing Izuku.

Izuku’s notebook hits the ground spine first, and we flash over to Izuku wondering what the hell he’s doing. The sludge villain moves to try and hit Izuku when he gets close enough, while Izuku pulls off his backpack and continues to panic-think over what to do… with the book just so happening to open to the page he ends up thinking about, on Kamui Wood’s signature attack from the beginning of the chapter. 

He throws his backpack right at the sludge, all the stuff in it flying out as extra ammunition for the villain’s face to dodge, and while distracted, Izuku ducks underneath the strike and calls for Kacchan. Fortunately, the sludge has been forced to pull away from Katsuki’s mouth, allowing him to take a breath before demanding “You? Why?!” 

Remember this for (checks watch) 284 chapters from now. Also fuck, I just realized, remember this?

'a pro should always be ready to risk his life'

'the reason I smile is to stave off the overwhelming pressure and fear I feel'

'a symbol of peace who saves people with a smile must never be daunted by evil'

Izuku took those words to heart as well, and is already reflecting them only moments after his dreams were crushed. And you can tell in the next panel that Toshinori heard those words and was slammed right to the core because of it, because he knows that kind of drive, that sort of spirit.

We see the villain going back to suffocating Katsuki, while telling Izuku to stop it. Toshinori calls himself pathetic again while powering up, and the villain tells Izuku to stop getting in his way, that it’s only a bit longer, and moves to smash Izuku out of the way. Inside the sludge, we can see Katsuki close to passing out. The other heroes finally dash forward to try to get him out of there in time, only for someone else to latch onto the arms of both kids instead.

That someone, of course, being All Might, still steaming from going into his hero form. He tells Izuku that he (All Might) should ‘practice what he preaches’ and reiterates that a pro should always be ready to risk his life (while blood seeps from his teeth). 

I’m blown away by Horikoshi’s art in this, and this is where he started. God, just thinking of current manga events and the art there… this man needs to be stopped, he’s too powerful, I am going to cry doing comparisons and I don’t even have a clue about any fancy art terminology or the like, all I can do is stand back and be awed.

Izuku has had a rough day.

And here we see the force of the blow, which somehow didn’t blow away the crowds or damage the windows of all the buildings of the surrounding blocks. Jesus fucking christ. And then the remnants of the blow head upward, causing it to start raining because of the rising air current from that one punch. 

How was all that shit not blown away????? A mystery to everyone. Also, Katsuki and Izuku are both passed out on the ground while the crowd and media go fucking wild over what All Might just did. All Might turns to keep an eye on the two while also wobbling slightly, the pressure of holding this form past his limits.

After that, we go back to narration from Izuku, talking and showing the cleanup efforts and the villain in two garbage bags (as he deserves). The heroes chastise Izuku for putting himself in danger (I want to note that this has nothing to do with his quirklessness as far as the scene portrays), while Katsuki gets praised for being tough and having a good quirk, and gets an offer to sidekick. Katsuki isn’t listening or just plain doesn’t care, too busy glaring… or not really? At Izuku.

We get a short scenery panel, I guess to suggest the passage of time, and then we see Izuku putting his backpack back on, thinking moodily about wanting to apologize to All Might but not being able to, so he’s planning on leaving a message on the hero’s website. Katsuki calls Izuku out, and takes a shaky moment before snapping at him, saying he didn’t need Izuku to save him, that he could have handled it himself, that he doesn’t want a quirkless kid’s pity, and that he’s not gonna get won over just with this and to stop mocking him. He then spins on his heels and stomps off with a last ‘stupid nerd’, while Izuku thinks Katuski’s a tough guy. He still agrees with Katsuki, though - he didn’t do anything, he didn’t change anything, but he’s still happy, and now he can focus on a realistic future.

And then All Might zooms into view, scaring the hell out of Izuku. Izuku asks why he’s there when he was surrounded by reporters, and All Might says it wasn’t hard to shake them off, considering who he is- before he hacks up blood and deflates into Toshinori. Toshinori continues on more calmly, saying he’s there to thank Izuku and revise his earlier statement, as well as offer a proposal. 

He starts off on how, without Izuku’s story, he would have been nothing but ‘fake muscles and insincerity’, and thanks Izuku. (Izuku quietly muttering ‘fake muscles?’ here makes me cackle, because honestly, same.) Izuku tries to refute it, saying it was his fault from the beginning, getting in All Might’s way and daring to ask if he could be a hero despite his quirklessness- only for Toshinori to cut in and say that that was exactly it - out of everyone there, it was only the timid, quirkless kid who acted, and in so spurred him to action.

He goes on to talk about how the top heroes show signs of greatness as children, how many of them claim that their bodies moved before they could think. Izuku is shaking and clutching at his heart, hunching over and tearing up as he recalls his mother’s words, her apology to him. Toshinori continues, asking if that was what happened to Izuku, who replies with a yes while crying. He thinks about what he’d wanted his mom to say back then, and so we cut to the end of the chapter:

God, what a fucking great first chapter. I can’t think of another series I’ve read that hooks me in so well right from the start like this. 

Also wait, holy shit, the anime LIED to us.

‘The story of how I became a great hero’, not ‘how I became the greatest hero’. There’s a massive distinction in there between the two, and Izuku’s character leans WAY more towards the manga phrasing over the anime phasing. He’d never consider himself the greatest, those would always go to All Might and likely Katsuki first, and then probably his other classmates and friends as well. He’d be happy to be among the greats, but he’d never consider himself on top of them all. 

...huh, that’s the end, besides the one character panel that I’m gonna throw in a separate post. I fucking love this project so much, and I really wanna see what else the manga has to offer that the anime has lied to me about. This section went by a bit faster than expected, but I suppose that’s what comes from almost all of it being action, so. Thanks for sticking around so far, and let’s see what’s to come in chapter 2 together! :D

[prongsies]

Star-Crossed ⁕ Chapter Nine

←Chapter 8 | Master list

Thalia didn’t want to leave her bed, enjoying being buried under her thick covers too much – but her stomach had different plans, grumbling to stress her need to fill it with food. Groaning, she begrudgingly slipped out of bed and entered the shower, taking a quick bath before getting changed and leaving the Gryffindor Tower to enter the Great Hall.

Making her way towards the Gryffindor table, she was stopped by Draco calling her over loudly, waving for her to seat with them – so she did. She slipped in between Draco and Leo, the latter busily speaking with Viktor to notice her presence.

Her eyes drifted over towards her house table, locking eyes with George who gave her an apologetic smile before returning his attention to Fred, who was whispering something towards him.

“I heard about what happened between the two of you in the Hospital Wing” Draco mumbled, eyes glaring at Fred who wasn’t even paying any attention towards that.

“Who told you?”

“A Slytherin fifth year” He shrugged, “apparently he was there when you had a fight”

“I take it the news had spread to other houses then?” Thalia sighed. News does travel fast at Hogwarts – there was nothing she could do about that. With a not, the Slytherin’s eyes directed towards the opening of the great hall, where Owls started flooding one by one, all carrying packages and letters of different sizes.

Rolling her eyes at Draco’s lack of response, Thalia proceeded to scoop some food onto her plate, turning to Leo who had ceased his conversation with Viktor to greet her good morning. Soon, her owl Eros landed in front of her, dropping a small package and an envelope on the table, and happily receiving a small treat from Leo’s fingers before flying away.

She peered at her mail. The package, from Molly Weasley, accompanied by a note informing her of it’s contents - homemade cookies. She grinned, quickly reaching over to open it, her chest clenching at the familiarity of the smell it released, reminding her of her afternoons at the burrow. Helping herself to one, and offering some to Draco, Leo, and Viktor, she turned to the letter left on the table to see it addressed from her mother.

Thalia’s heart dropped to the pits of her stomach at the sight of her mother’s rushed writing, her usual neat penmanship now composing mostly of smudged ink and shaky letters. Worry was just starting to bubbling inside, when a when a loud ripping noise brought her attention towards the Gryffindor table.

There, floating in mid-air was a Howler – the flaps of its envelope seemingly glaring at the Weasley twins whose expressions were horrified. Suddenly, their mother’s voice echoed in the Great Hall, “FRED WEASLEY! I AM GREATLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! NEVER IN MY LIFETIME DID I EXPECT MY OWN SON TO BE DISRESPECTFUL TO A WOMAN – MORE SO TO DEGRADE HER”  

Simultaneous gasps were heard from the nosy spectators, their eyes darting towards Thalia who sat quietly at the Slytherin Table, head hung low. “AND FOR YOU TO MISTREAT OUR OWN THALIA? SHAME ON YOU, FRED WEASLEY. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE HERE AT THE BURROW UNTIL YOU’VE PROPERLY APOLOGIZED”

With that, the Howler ripped itself into pieces, disintegrating into a pile of ash on their table, which George easily vanished with his wand.

The Great Hall slowly returned to its busy state soon after, as more students started piling into the room. With everything that happened in the past few days, Thalia couldn’t help but feel a bit constricted. She didn’t even know it, but she had started taking deeper (and louder) breaths, which didn’t go unheard of by Leo.

“How about we get some fresh air?” Leo leaned down to whisper in her ear.

She turned to him, swallowing thickly, before nodding, “That’s be great, thanks”

Leo smiled and reached for a couple of pastries, piling it into the box Molly had packed the biscuits into, before bidding Viktor good bye, motioning for Thalia to stand so they could leave the Great Hall together.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

Fred watched as Thalia disappeared out the Great Hall with that Kurroff guy, his mother’s voice still ringing in his ear – her words repeating over and over again. His mother had never spoken so harshly towards him before – sure, she made sure the message stays in his brain, but she’s never been that furious. Maybe he had fucked everything up, especially between him and Thalia.

He tugged his ginger hair in frustration, not understanding what is happening to him. In such a short moment everything was falling apart between him and his best friend – and it was all his fault! He just- he just feels so angry all the time now, especially with Thalia spending less and less time with him.

He didn’t want to be that kind of overprotective friend that hinders the other from socializing, but the way he’s acting now made him so much worse – he's releasing his frustrations onto her.

“Fred, you alright?” George asked softly, leaning over the table to present himself in Fred’s line of vision. It took a while for Fred to focus his attention towards him, and when he did, he released a sigh.

“I’ve fucked everything up, haven’t I?”  

“Yes, you did” It was Ron who replied this time, eyebrows furrowed and cheeks reddened. “At least you haven’t got a liar as a friend, though”

“Is this about Harry?” Fred asked. “If this is, he did seem genuinely upset about having his name picked for the Tournament”  

“I reckon that with Quirrell in his first year, followed by the whole Tom Riddle and Sirius Black ordeal, intentionally joining something that’d kill him will be the last thing on his mind” George added, finishing his toast.

“So now you’re taking his side?” Ron slammed his napkin onto the table, standing up to leave. “Never mind you two – some brothers you are”

“What’s gotten everyone’s wands in a knot this year, I swear to Godric!” George exclaimed as he watched Ron leave, frustration evident in his face at his siblings that just can’t express themselves right.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

It took a few days for Thalia to get used to not having the twins around constantly. Sure, it took a big adjustment considering they had been attached to the hip ever since they were in their first years, but now, she’s gotten quite content roaming the halls alone – it gives her time to think. She’s acquired the habit of sitting with the Golden trio as well, sharing looks with Leo from the table across theirs and sending weird faces towards each other whenever their eyes met.

She knew she couldn’t avoid Fred and George for that long though, because alas, she found herself in their Potions class again, sharing a table with the two and Lee Jordan. She’s come to hate her assigned seat between Fred and George, mainly because it made her neck stiff having to face George the entire time.

“Good afternoon, class” Professor Snape drawled out as he entered the dungeons, holding onto his Advanced Potion Making book. “Today, I’ve decided not to let you perform the Volubilis Potion. Instead, I present a much more... enjoyable activity”

“Snape letting us do something enjoyable?” Thalia heard George mumble, smiling as she continued before he can.

“Must be the end of the world”  

George seemed surprise to have Thalia speak to him. Sure, she insisted she wasn’t mad at him, only at his brother – but from all the years the Weasley twins had been a package deal, he wasn’t quite used to getting away from the consequences of the other’s actions. He smiled down at Thalia, relieved they were in good terms even after everything.

“You will be brewing the Hair-Raising Potion for this period” Snape instructed, smirking at his students who started murmuring in excitement. “However, I will not be giving you the procedures. Books and notes are not allowed, as well as tutoring your classmates. Consider this as extra credit – you may begin”

Thalia groaned softly as she slid from her stool, walking to the cupboards to retrieve the ingredients she can remember. George, who seemed to remember some of them as well, went to fetch twice as much amount for him and his brother.  

Returning to their workstation, Thalia racked her brain for the procedures – what good are the ingredients anyway if she didn’t know what to do with them? With a sigh, she allowed her muscle memory to do all the work instead, adding powdered fairy wings into the mixture with a wince.  

“Hey, George” She mumbled, nudging George who was peering nervously into his cauldron. He turned to her in confusion, staring at the small tub of fairy wings she was presenting him. “I’m definitely just winging this assignment”

George was silent for a moment, before he released a chuckle, “That is rubbish, Lia – absolute rubbish”

“But it made you laugh”

“Mr. Weasley” Professor Snape interrupted their conversation. For a moment, they thought George was about to be told off for talking, but the professor directed his attention towards his brother as he approached their table. “I suppose you remember that the potion is to turn green, not red”

“Judging from the way it looks, you have created something along the likes of a Bloodroot Potion – a poison if you must”

Thalia shared a confused look with George, recalling how the two of them gathered the same ingredients, none taking bloodroot plant.

“It remains an inkling, however, if your finished product is actually a poison. I suggest we test out my hypothesis...” His eyes scanned the room, landing on Thalia, “Ms. Pallas, why don’t you confirm or deny it for us?”

He scooped an adequate amount of the blood red potion into a vial, handing it over to Thalia who took it from him hesitantly. By then, everyone in the room was watching them, horrified at the scene.

‘Thalia, gulping, made a move to place the vial to her lips, ready to down it when Fred’s hand stopped her.

“I’ll accept the failing mark, Professor” Fred said, hand still on Thalia’s as he stared at Professor Snape.

The professor seemed to consider this, eyes drifting between the two before a faint smirk made its way onto his face, “How about I give you an average mark...” He made a move to look into Thalia’s cauldron before turning back to Fred, “if you drink Ms. Pallas’ potion instead?”

“I’ll do it”

“But Professor, what If it’s incorrect-”

“Thalia” Fred interrupted her, offering her a kind smile as he dropped his hand from hers, “I trust you, yeah?”

Receiving the beaker Professor Snape had filled with Thalia’s concoction, he raised it to his lips, tilting his head back as he downed the entirety of it in one go. Silence passed in the classroom as they waited for something to happen. Thalia, holding her breath, while watching Fred blink a few times before- before his hair started rising, floating in the air as if he was underwater.  

Snape hummed satisfyingly, nodding his head towards Thalia before uttering, “Five points to Gryffindor”

He left their table, striding over towards a Slytherin student to berate him for how horrible his potion had turned out. Meanwhile, their table remained silent, Fred watching as Thalia helped George with his own potion, grinning to themselves in silence.

Master list | Chapter 10→

TAG LIST: @elf-punk @bloodorangemoonlight​​ @peachesandpinks​​ @levylovegood​​

[nobody-wants-ice-cream]

Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 2, Run Boy Run.

Link to the first episode!

Same disclaimer as last episode: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

Run Boy Run 

Grace started the Herr Carlson record before the kids even arrived. How are they supposed to learn if they miss the first few seconds of it?  What is the point of the record if they’re not even around to hear all of it?+1

The kids all have their hands on the chairs except for Five, showing that he will do something out of the ordinary. -1

Diego is causing property damage to Reggie’s chairs and Reggie allows this. Be consistent, show! Is Reggie lenient or strict? You could make the argument that Reggie doesn’t care about the chair because he’s rich. In that case, sinning for capitalism.+1

Klaus is already into drugs at the age of 13. We can see him rolling a blunt, and doing it quite well, presumably. +1

Ben is straight up allowed to read at the table. So then what is the point of the record if the kids don’t have to pay attention to it? +1

The kids expressions when Five stabs the table. The ones that we see are pure gold. Especially Klaus’s. Well done Dante Albidone. -1

Diego’s side eye when Five starts arguing with Reggie. This is the perfect expression for “my sibling is about to get in trouble”, so props to Blake Talabis. -1

Vanya’s side eye is also good. TJ McGibbon did well. -1

We see Five jump faster than a bullet, but he’s significantly slower when jumping across the table. +1

Reggie is a dick to Five, who just wants to explore his powers. We know that it’s dangerous because we see Five getting stuck, but Five doesn’t think that that is really a possibility. Reggie only talks in confusing ice and acorn metaphors. +1

Five’s face when Reggie presents the ice and acorn metaphor. -1

Vanya and Allison both give Five a look in this scene. This is what makes Five hesitate. Two of his siblings tell him it’s a bad idea, but he does it anyway because he’s a stubborn bastard. +1

Grace’s face drops when Five starts running out the door. Allison and Vanya also look absolutely horrified. -1

“Run Boy Run” is a little on the nose. Especially once you remember that The Boy is Five’s hero name in the comics. +1

No one cares that a 13 year old popped into existence out of nowhere when Five starts traveling into the future. +1

Easter egg! There is an ice cream cart outside the academy. If you’ve read Dallas, you know why I think that’s significant. Also, it happens to be my icon. -1

Five’s look of complete disbelief and horror when he is faced with the apocalypse for the first time. -1

“Vanya! Ben!” This has created a lot of curiosity in the fandom. In the comics he left before they were named, but in the show it looks like he chose to keep Number Five. Why? +1

The apocalypse looks very believable. -1

Title screen umbrella! -1

The awesome scene with Ellen Page and Aidan Gallagher continues in the next episode. -1

Where would Five have heard that rumor about Twinkies having an endless shelf life? It’s not like he was very exposed to pop culture as a kid. +1

Vanya doesn’t keep her Violin in the case. She leaves it proped on a chair, which is basically begging gravity to come and fuck up your instrument. +1

Five plays the pronoun game and doesn’t tell Vanya about Dolores. +1

The last thing Five heard for 40 years was Reggie’s stupid metaphor. That’s a sin for the metaphor and a sin for Five’s pain and suffering. +2

Vanya gives someone with a thirteen-year-old’s liver a few shots worth of hard liquor in a tall glass. +1

“You think I didn’t try everything to get back to my family?” This quote is Five at his core. It shows his exact motivation. Aidan Gallagher really could have screwed up with this line because it’s so raw, but the delivery doesn’t suck. Well done. -1

Is that liquor real? Aidan Gallagher’s face suggests that it is and he only takes two sips of it. Also, Five takes a sip when it’s just a bit, pours more, then takes another sip, and doesn’t drink any more of it. Sin for showmakers possibly giving a kid real alcohol and sin for Five only taking a sip after pouring a lot out. +1

However, if the alcohol is fake, which I really hope it is, sin off for Aidan Gallagher’s acting. -1

Five expects Vanya to believe his crazy apocalypse story. I had a hard time believing it when we were shown flashbacks as the audience. It wasn’t until they brought in the Commission that I actually believed it. If Five had explained the Commission, just like he did to Luther, then Vanya would have had an easier time believing him. +1

Vanya calls Five crazy and then expects him to not be hurt and want to stay in her apartment. +1

Vanya takes the pills after an emotionally charged scene. Pills-foreshadowing. -1

Five’s hands are shaking when he’s looking at the eyeball. This shows both his uncertainty, with this being his only clue, and shows that he is unwilling to leave his sister again even after she called him insane. -1

Mary J. Bilge. -1

The Lunar Motor Lodge has rates by the week, day, and hour. The Commission is super sleazy for putting Hazel and Cha Cha in a place that also rents by the hour. +1

Hazel and Cha Cha are an underrated duo. The “It smells like cat piss” dialogue is honestly really funny. -1

Obvious villains are obvious. I know they’re meant to be obvious, but it doesn’t change the fact that a show with a lot of subtlety just kind of thrust Hazel and Cha Cha in there with no subtlety at all. +1

Hazel stores the briefcase away and throws a screw, foreshadowing that this will be an important detail later. -1

No one, including police, notices the blinking and beeping, neon green tracker. +1

Patch is sort of right. Five made a jump in the middle of two of the local hires, which caused them to shoot each other. -1

“The guy had an eclair and the kid had coffee”. Patch’s side eye says that she thinks Agnes is getting her story mixed up. If we didn’t see what happened, then the audience wouldn’t believe Agnes either. Great acting Ashley Madekwe. -1

Agnes doesn’t stay in the back room. She crawls out so her head can dramatically pop up over the counter after Five leaves. This is a stupid decision on Agnes’s part.+1

Agnes is seen handling American money. Somehow we as a fandom didn’t notice this. Klaus also uses American money to buy drugs later in this episode. Sinning the showmakers not specifying which state at the very least, but reluctantly because I know that’s a reference to the comics. +1

“What other detective”. Camera cuts to Diego exiting Griddys. -1

Diego is a vigilante. What he is doing impedes the law. In this instance, we want him to stop Patch’s investigation because we know that the answer leads back to Five, which would be bad for the plot. However, Patch’s annoyance suggests Diego has done this to her before. How many murderers have gone free because Diego intervenes in Patch’s cases? +1

Diego did not consent to being searched and having his personal belongings taken. +1

Ebay exists but there is no internet or smartphones. What? +1

Diego thinks that this looks like a botched robbery. No way in hell does this look like a robbery of a doughnut shop in any universe. A bank robbery, yeah sure, but not a doughnut shop. What kind of doughnut shop has the kind of money that requires multiple guys with very large weapons, Diego? +1

The way Patch is described to Five by Diego in a later episode does not match the personality she actually has. +1

A whole crowd of people had nothing better to do than to watch the cops investigate a murder scene in a densely populated city. +1

Is Luther hitting his head after he wakes up a character choice? He does it again with the model airplane. After the low ceilings on the moon for four years, you would think that he would learn to duck. +1

Emmy Raver-Lampman gives an amazing performance when talking to Luther about Claire. -1

Allison has multiple posters of herself in her room. I am sinning for her younger self’s narcissism. +1

However, this narcissism goes hand in hand with Allison as a character. Props to the set designers for making these posters and hanging them up. It adds detail to Allison’s room and really shows who she was as a character. -1

“When Claire was little I used to read her books about the moon. I’d tell her her Uncle was living up there” Allison doesn’t remember that Luther was on the moon and therefore shouldn’t know about her divorce in the first episode, but says this in the second episode. +1

Luther looks so genuinely happy at being Claire’s personal superhero. -1

The ghosts torturing Klaus. +1

That fucking animal print thing Klaus is wearing. +1

Robert Sheehan is very, very attractive. This makes up for the monstrosity Klaus is wearing. -1

“You know you talk in your sleep.” “Oh there’s no point. You’re out of drugs” I love Ben as a character so much. -1

“Shut your piehole, Ben. Said with love” smooch. I love this line. -1

“I’ve got a crazy idea. Why not try starting your day with… a glass of orange juice or some eggs”. Justin Min’s delivery of this line kills me every time. -1

Pogo is really vague about why the papers in Reggie’s box are important. If he said something about the papers detailing the Academy’s powers in explicit detail, Klaus would have tried harder to get them back. +1

We don’t see Klaus pull out the Red Journal in episode one. +1

“Liar” “Drop dead” “Low blow”. This is an iconic interaction for a reason. -1

Pogo knows that Klaus can talk to ghosts, but remains offended when Klaus tells a ghost to shut up. +1

“Really awful, terrible, depressing times” Reggie is a dick to his children. +7

Vanya sleeps with the door to her bedroom open, even though we saw her close it. So she must have gotten up to open the door and didn’t notice Five was gone. +1

Where did Five go all night? Did he sleep back in the Academy? It couldn’t have taken him this long to get to the MeriTech building, so what happened to him? He changed to a clean uniform, so presumably he went to the Academy, but why did the show vague this? Did he walk into a department store and buy/steal a clean shirt?+1

Only the plot relevant person notices Five. The front desk girl doesn’t question why he’s there. And that is her literal job. I would know, I run the front desk at a medical office. If you don’t greet the patients then you’re not doing your job, front desk girl.+1

“Must have just [click] popped out.” iconic.-1

Five decides that violence is the best course of action to get the information he needs, directly contradicting “I know how to do everything” +1

The 1938 fingerprints may be Five’s. However, police usually discard this kind of evidence because there is a very reasonable doubt. Not to mention that anyone could have touched the knife. It’s a public place. Forensic evidence is not as reliable as it is portrayed in the media. +1

Diego is an asshole to everyone, but especially to Patch. She’s right, Diego is obstructing justice. How many murderers have gone free because Diego interfered in an investigation? +1

Diego’s boiler room is way too big to be a boiler room. +1

Luther’s reflection in Diego’s mask shows that Luther wants to know what it would be like to be number two instead of number one. Luther can’t lead for shit and subconsciously wishes that he didn’t have to. -1

With an aerial shot of the Academy from the outside, we can see that Reggie never bothered to take the laundromat sign off the mansion or that Reggie sold ad space on the mansion exterior. +1

Reggie is a dick to animals. See: the animal skeletons and the taxidermy. +1

Part of the mansion is painted an ugly neon green for no reason. +1

“Sorry I left without saying goodbye”. The “both times” is unspoken. -1

Vanya apologises for calling him crazy and being dismissive, but still suggests he needs mental help. He does, but maybe suggest it later when he isn’t convinced you think he’s insane? +1

Five lies to Vanya about something stupid. If he said that he was having Klaus help him with the apocalypse, I don’t think she would have minded. +1

Why does Five have so many toys in his room? Including a baseball? +1

Klaus comes out of the wardrobe as loudly as possible. The mansion does not have sound proofing (see: I Think We’re Alone Now dance party). There is no way in hell Vanya didn’t hear him. +1

This is the last time Vanya and Five interact. +1

Five’s room is more childish than a thirteen-year-old’s room should be. It honestly looks like he was the favorite because his room has so many toys in it. Like Reggie wanted to win his favor or something. Sinning for the weird set design choice and for Reggie being an asshole. +1 

The fake circumstances in which Five was born in their cover story gives me immense joy. -1

In one camera angle, if you look carefully they cut two takes of “what a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain”. In the one where we can’t see his face properly, Aidan Gallagher is openly smiling. Corpsing. +1

Robert Sheehan is funny. -1

Syd the tow truck guy doesn’t really look like Sean Sullivan (actor that plays adult Five) enough for Cha Cha, a trained assassin, to not see that he isn’t their mark. +1

Hazel eating a sandwich in this scene. Also the “Italian for dinner line”. -1

And Cha Cha sees the differences between Syd and Five later! +1

“Time travel’s a bitch” “Especially without a briefcase” There's other time travel methods than briefcase or being Five? Elaborate. +1

Patrick is a dick to Allison. We understand why later, but really Patrick, you’re going to be an asshole when her father just died? Don’t get me wrong, Reggie abused the hell out of her, but still! Patrick should have let Allison talk to Claire. +1

Vanya tries to comfort Allison even though she knows nothing about the situation other than that it happened. She’s never even met Patrick! +1

Allison is clearly trying to get away from this conversation with Vanya, but Vanya presses on. +1

“Well if I wanted advice, Vanya, no offence, it wouldn’t be from you”. This is why Vanya doesn’t take Allison’s advice about Leonard. Also, Allison is a dick to Vanya. +1

This scene with Allison and Vanya is interesting. Allison is projecting her pain and taking it out on Vanya, who really should have seen and heard what happened enough to leave her alone. Both of them are the bad guy here regardless of how you slice it. I am sinning the show for this moment because they really tried to villainize Allison for this scene, but she does have some well thought out points and is in an emotionally compromised state. Or in other words, the fight between Allison and Vanya is stupid. +1

Grant/Lance/whatever gave Klaus and Five valuable office time. Doctors do not have time for this sort of crap. Shouldn’t this guy have patients? +1

Aidan Gallagher looks to the actor playing Grant/Lance/whatever as if he’s waiting for him to say his line. I see this all the time with younger kids in theatre, but they can get away with it if their character has a reason to look at that character. That being said, Five would have no reason to do this.+1

The sound effect that plays when Klaus slaps Five is really out of place. +1

Seeing Robert Sheehan slap Aidan Gallagher. -1

Klaus pauses as if he’s listening to Ben before he picks up the snowglobe. -1

The snowglobe. Robert Sheehan pretending to be Klaus pretending to be Five’s crazy dad. Acting. -1

Five looks like a proud grandfather when Klaus gets Lance to show them the records. -1

Five doesn’t pay Klaus for that brilliant acting. Also, how was Five planning to give Klaus $20. He doesn’t have any money nor do we ever see him with money. Five is a cheapskate. +1

Klaus calls Five “old man”. I thought that was just a fandom thing lmao. -1

“You must be horny as hell”. Great Klaus line, but super weird that he’s saying it to someone that looks thirteen. +1

Klaus is wearing the shirt that goes with his nicest outfit underneath Reggie’s pinstripe suit. -1

“Goodbye Dolores”, a song from the soundtrack, starts playing when Five starts talking about Dolores. This is good placement of that song because we later learn that he left her in the apocalypse when he left to work for the Commission. -1

Five is a dick to Klaus. Klaus is really trying to connect with his long lost brother, but Five jumps away. +1

That taxi driver doesn’t freak out and cause a car accident when a random kid appears in his car. +1

Also, how did Five pay for that taxi? Did he jump out of the moving vehicle too? +1

Leonard is so obvious from the start. So charming that he’s slimy. +1

Vanya can’t see this and is actually attracted to him. This may go back to that conversation with Allison when she asks if Vanya has ever been in a relationship. For all we know, the answer is no. +1

Leonard took three years of German in prison. I don't think American jails are that nice. +1

Leonard picks up another person’s instrument without their consent. As a musician, this is very, very painful. +2

Diego is paranoid, but also observant as fuck. -1

But how did he get his weapons back from the police? Are knives open carry in whatever state this is in? There are some states where Diego’s harness would be legal so it’s possible. I’ll have to look into this. Sinning the show for being vauge as fuck. +1

Luther didn’t notice the boiler room door open. +1

Diego throws weapons on his siblings. +1

Reginald Hargreeves died March 21st. The funeral is on March 24th. This is way too soon. It should have been a week or two not two days between the date of death and the funeral. Especially considering Luther suspects Reggie was murdered. And if you say that Reggie, Pogo, or Grace bribed them, then I’m sinning for bribery.+1

Diego eats a raw egg. Salmonella headass. +2

David Castaneda eats a raw egg. Why did you make him do this? It adds nothing to the character other than making Diego look dumb as hell. +1

Vanya interrupts her student while he’s playing and doing well. Whenever my teacher does that I get a minor heart attack. +1

Leonard is already lying to Vanya. He manipulates her by saying his Dad was into music and that's why he’s taking violin lessons. +1

An actual place named “Bricktown” in a place called “The City.” Sigh. +1

It is four o’clock when Leonard takes his lesson, but then after the lesson we cut to night time. What happened in those couple hours, show? Are you really saying that these characters did nothing interesting for all that time? +1

Emmy Raver-Lampman clearly isn’t smoking. Which is fine because she’s a Broadway actress and needs her voice/lungs for that part of her career. It’s weird because it shows that Allison isn't smoking. +1

Pogo scolds Allison for her language. Allison is an adult, Pogo. +1

Klaus made a drink at a young age and Reggie didn’t stop him. Or talk to him. He recorded Klaus drinking, but didn’t care. +1

The showmakers show us Allison’s face for dramatic tension instead of showing us the tape. This was a good choice and I feel it helped the narative.-1

They show a sign “Gimbel Brothers Seniors Tuesdays 10% Off.” after Five walks by. -1

The most awkward and dopey smile in existence when Five finds Dolores. -1

They play “Goodbye Dolores” after he finds her. That could have worked if they transposed it to the major key. Hello Dolores. +1

“Goodbye Dolores” transitioning into “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. -1

This action sequence is great. -1

Hazel’s wrist splint. -1

Five cuts Cha Cha with a trowel. -1

The dual screen thing is cool. -1

Five literally jumps over a stand and somehow doesn’t get shot. Hazel and Cha Cha have Stormtrooper aim. +1

How did Hazel and Cha Cha leave? You would think the police would notice someone leaving through the back. +1

Similarly, how did Five and Dolores get out of this? Did he wait until he could jump and teleport outside the store? Can he teleport that far? +1

How did Diego get another police scanner so quickly? Unless that’s the scanner Patch confiscated? +1

“I gotta show you something” +1

Once again, Five should be a lot sweatier. What are these magic, sweat absorbing things you can buy in a department store and where can I buy them? +1

Five sees an eyeball and immediately picks it up for no reason. He doesn’t even know that’s Luther’s body yet. He just picked up an eye for no reason. +1

Five as a thirteen-year-old boy saw his siblings' dead bodies. Sinning for trauma. +1

Aidan Gallagher portrays this trauma well. -1

Overall Review: 

I love this episode and had a hard time finding things wrong with it. I genuinely like this episode and I think that it could have stood alone as the pilot. 

Some acting things I noticed, David Castaneda, John Magaro (Leonard), and Ashley Madekwe were the standouts this episode. All three brought something interesting to the table this episode and I look forward to re-watching their scenes. I wish Madekwe and Magaro all the best as I know that they probably won’t be returning for season two. 

The plot thickens! Hazel and Cha Cha were introduced in a very obvious way compared to the subtle way they introduced Leonard. There is a reason I adore this episode, and it’s not just for Klaus slapping Five (though that is part of it). 

Total: 52

Sentence: We saw Diego eat a raw egg. That’s punishment enough for this episode. 

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Welcome to the back (Part 9)

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

- - -

I know, I said the next Chapter would go up on Monday but it’s getting really long and I had to split it up. Also, I really wanted you to know how Sentiquill’s costume looks like, I spent hours mulling over that! (When I say he’s wearing tails, I mean the evening dress. Does the English language seriously not have a better word for that?!) So here’s the first part, three days earlier than planned:

- - -

Marinette had been witness to more Akuma’s than she could count. As Ladybug, she had a place in the first row guaranteed. She‘d never seen the transformation itself, but the outcome was always the same: disaster, and a villain she had to defeat. Akumas consisted of negative emotion blown to their extreme, concentrated until the person underneath all but vanished. They weren’t the people they had been anymore. These people were simply the host of what had possessed them. As far as she knew, there was no way to stop it once it had begun.

She clung to Felix anyway. Logic and reason didn’t matter anymore, only that this was her friend, her most trusted confidant, and she couldn’t lose him.

“Don’t listen to him!”, she begged and buried her face in the curve of his neck. He was trembling, his eyes unfocused. “Please, don’t listen to him!”

Her fault, this was her fault! He’d been fine just seconds ago, but she just couldn’t keep her mouth shut, could she?

“I’m fine, you see? We don’t need him, we can d-do this on our own!”

A sob escaped her and she tightened her grip, as if she could keep him here with sheer strength alone.

“Please, Felix, stay with me!”

His arms closed around her, and a quivering “Yes” tumbled from his lips. A cold feeling washed over her.

She pressed her eyes shut, imagining it had worked. She’d succeeded. The Akuma had given up, and when she opened her eyes, it would be Felix’ cool grey eyes she’d look into. It would be his voice that told her not to worry, it would be him.

“Marinette.”

She stiffened and took a shaky breath. He still smelled the same. Of ink and fresh paper and coffee. It was easy to pretend nothing had happened.

“Please, look at me.”

She shook her head and Felix sighed. His hands grasped her shoulders and he freed himself from her - supposedly - iron grip to stand up. Even though he made sure to be gentle, the superhuman strength in his arms was still palpable and only confirmed her fears. When she looked at him, she knew she had lost.

“Felix”, she breathed hopelessly.

But it wasn’t Felix, was it? His skin was even paler than before, almost paper white. An inky black mask covered the skin around his ruby red eyes, and his usually combed back hair framed his face freely. She’d never noticed how long it actually was.

A red beret sat on his head, it’s brim decorated with feathers. It was the same color as the uniform jacket that hugged his torso, reminiscent of the British Royal guards. On second look though, it looked like he was wearing tails.

The arms ended in white cuffs that looked more like the nibs of a fountain pen than uniform cuffs.

And in the hand that had held his pen - this goddamn pen - he held a huge... something. It’s hilt was formed like the nib of a quill, and it’s blade looked like a feather, complete with a hollow shaft, downy barbs... There was no use talking around it.

It was a sword. A giant sword. A very sharp looking sword as well.

Oh fuck.

“Sentiquill.”, he introduced himself. Or maybe he was correcting how she’d called him earlier. “Don’t be afraid.” Says the guy with the giant weapon! “It will be alright, now.”

The same words he had used to comfort her earlier now filled her with dread.

“I’m sorry!”, she blurted out. “I’m so sorry! Please, just turn... turn back. We can expose Lila on our own, I’ll think of something! A really good revenge plan, with all kinds of strategies a-and traps!”

Fe- Sentiquill smiled and shook his head.

“I’m not out for revenge. I couldn’t care less about Lila.”

Was that a good thing? Or something even worse?

“Marinette, you mean so much to me.”, he said softly and kneeled down in front of her, since she was still sitting on the ground. “More than you know. Why would I care about something as petty as revenge when I could use my power to protect you? To...”, he pulled a grimace at the pun, “...stand sentinel over you?”

That sounded too good to be true. Too pacifist. She knew Hawkmoth, and he would never create an Akuma with this mindset.

No.

He twisted his victims motivations until they fit his own goals. They were means to an end, and that end surely wasn’t Marinette’s safety.

“And how do you want to do that?”, she whispered, almost afraid to ask. The grimness in his face said everything.

“You’ll go after them.”, she derived. “You’re going to hurt my friends.”

“They’re not your friends!”, he spat and jumped up. “They failed you, betrayed you! But this was the last time they made that mistake, I’ll make sure of that.”

His face turned pleading.

“They have to be punished. For you! So you won’t be hurt anymore.”

His eyes were eerily red, but the look in his eyes was sincere. Genuine conviction that he was doing the right thing.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing, Marinette. Just... just stay here and let me take care of everything. And after that, we can do whatever we want! Wait here. Okay?”

No. I am Ladybug, and I have to stop you.

But first, she needed to transform, and that required solitude. So she nodded. As soon as he was gone, she’d run away and hide to change into her spotted costume.

But Felix knew her too well. And that meant, Sentiquill did too. The look on his face made clear that he saw right through her.

“Of course you won’t.”, he sighed. “You’re you, after all.”

He raised his sword and Marinette backed away. They were in the corner of the yard, behind the stairs. Right above them was the walkway to the classrooms on the second floor, if she managed to dodge the first blow, she could run up and-

Before she could fully form a plan, Sentiquill’s sword was between them. But... he didn’t strike her. Instead, he pointed the tip of the hilt - the one that was formed like a nib - at himself until it rested directly on his chest. Black swirls of color appeared on his body, spreading over his jacket as if they were being sucked into the sword.

“I’m scared of becoming like my father.”, he admitted out of the blue and the ink like darkness intensified as it filled the hollow shaft of his quill. “I hate loud voices because he used to yell so much. Being around people drains me and I’m more ashamed for that than I’d like to admit. I’m afraid you won’t want to be around me anymore if I tell you how I really feel.”

The ink only filled up a quarter of the length of his sword, but it seemed to be enough. He lowered the sword again and the black swirls vanished from his body like smoke.

“What... What are you doing?”, she asked and took another step back. Why had he told her this? And what was it about the ink that had appeared out of nowhere?

“Don’t worry, Marinette.”, he said gently as he raised the blade again. “I’ll come back for you as soon as I’m done. I promise.”

With that, the quill sliced through the air and released the ink it had gathered in a powerful torrent. She screamed, but the black fluid didn’t seem to be bound by any law of physics. It spread through the air weightlessly and formed an opaque barrier between her and Sentiquill; a wall that surrounded her like a prison. She jumped up and tried to escape, but as soon as the ink had reached its intended shape, it dried and solidified.

“It won’t be for long!”, Sentiquill’s voice promised from the other side of the wall. She couldn’t see him, couldn’t see anything. The only source of light was the opening of her cylindrical prison, at least three meters above her head.

“No, wait!”, she shouted back. “Don’t go! We can... We can find another way. Come on, don’t leave me here!”

There was only silence from the other side. Then:

“I’m sorry.”

His footsteps receded quickly, likely towards their classroom. Lessons must have begun at least fifteen minutes ago, everybody would be in there. She had to do something!

“I messed up, Tikki!”, she whispered horrified when her Kwami zoomed out of her purse. “It all happened so fast, I-I couldn’t react.”

“This is not your fault!”, Tikki hurried to assure her. “You’ve had enough troubles to begin with. Right now, we need to take care of this particular trouble.”

The tiny creature smiled and patted Marinette’s shoulder.

“We’ll talk about Adrien later. Let’s just hope Chat Noir arrives soon and get to work!”

She nodded. She’d get her best friend back, and if she had to claw him out of Hawkmoth’s cold, dead hands - then so be it!

“Tikki, Spots on!”

-

Alya yawned. She loved Madame Bustier’s lessons, she really did. And she wanted to pay attention. But she was simply so tired! Staying up late again probably hadn’t been a good idea, but if Lila needed her help... the poor girl had so many problems to deal with already, it was only right to do some of her homework for her. And it was not like Lila was simply foisting her work off on her, like Chloé used to do with Sabrina. Nah, Alya had offered it herself when Lila had told her how busy she was organizing the Journalism Junior contest. In return, she’d promised to talk to the hosts about Alya’s report, and she’d even given her another interview.

It was the right thing to help Lila out. But god, it sure got draining after a while.

She looked up when Nino elbowed her lightly.

“You okay?”, he mouthed quietly and she gave him a wobbly smile.

“Yeah, just tired.”

They’d barely had the time to talk, the past weeks. Not that Alya didn’t want to! But every time she tried, something got in the way. Either an Akuma, her blog, Lila’s stories or the ongoing drama between Felix and Lila... there just wasn’t a calm second anymore. And now...

She looked to the back, where Marinette and Felix usually sat. Felix had stormed off after he had yelled at Lila some more - this guy had nerves! - and she didn’t care whether he returned or not.

But where was Marinette?

Her girl had acted so weirdly since she sat in the back. No, ever since Lila had arrived! Alya just didn’t get it. Marinette was awesome, and so was Lila. If that girl would just get over her jealousy, she’d see that too. And damn, someone with Marinette’s talents combined with Lila’s contacts and experience... They’d be a power duo! And they could all hang out at once, which would make Alya’s time management a lot easier. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been alone with Marinette.

A groan formed in her throat. She was still mad Marinette would choose Felix over her, Alya, first with the seating and then this morning. But... god, she missed her.

Sure, Marinette’s chaotic, clumsy and bubbly personality were a handful from time to time. Lila was right about that. But it was also what made her so charming! She was always genuine, naturally positive and her dramatic humor was just endearing. Being around her always made Alya lighten up, stop her brain for a moment to just... be. Have fun a little. Get down from all her passions and work.

Yep. She really missed that. The more she thought about it, the more absurd Lila’s theory sounded. Marinette wasn’t turning into a bully. It just... wasn’t in her nature. And once everything had settled down a bit, Lila would see that too. Not that she was accusing Marinette of anything. She was just concerned.

“Adrien”, she hissed under her breath, not capable of staying quiet for any longer. The blonde turned around, careful that Mme Bustier didn’t notice. “Where’s Marinette?”

His face darkened all of a sudden, which was so unusual for sunshine boy that Alya had to take off her glasses to clean them for a second. Adrien merely shrugged and turned around, which Lila didn’t miss. She scribbled something on a note and gave it to Alya.

Marinette confessed and got rejected by Adrien, that’s why she’s not here. Poor girl!, it said. Alya gasped. Oh no! Why would Marinette confess all of a sudden when she hadn’t even been on a proper date with him yet? And why hadn’t she told her best friend? Jeez, she was probably heartbroken right now...

She sighed.

Alya might be biased in Marinette’s favor, but she knew that Adrien wasn’t obligated to return her feelings. Still. This sucked.

As soon as she saw her, Alya would tell Marinette to forget Adrien. Wait, no, that was probably too direct. Maybe... gently nudge her away from Adrien? Towards Nathaniel maybe, he was cute! Or that Luka she had told her about? She’d have to be discreet about it, so she wouldn’t upset her any further. Maybe-

A loud crash ripped her out of her thoughts. The door to the classroom was ripped out of its hinges and thrown at the opposite side of the room; her classmates screamed. Alya jumped and hurried out of her seat, pulling Nino and Lila with her to the back. It had been so many attacks the past year, at this point she knew exactly what to do.

“Akuma!”, she warned the class with a shout, just when a tall figure entered the room. Despite the mask, the strange color scheme and the guard-like evening dress it was absolutely clear who he was. Felix’ stern look was unmistakable.

“I apologize for the late arrival.”, he deadpanned and raised what looked like an oversized quill. “But Agreste caused a lot of trouble that I will have to correct.”

Adrien? Trouble? Was he referring to Marinette’s rejected confession? Her eyes widened. Marinette! Had she been with Felix when he was akumatized? Had he hurt her?!

She forced herself to breathe. No, she had to be safe. Felix might be a prick, but everyone could see he had a soft spot for the cheerful designer. She couldn’t exactly fault him for that.

His eery red gaze roamed over the students that had fled to the back and fixed on Lila, who swallowed hard. Alya paled when his face contorted into a malicious grin.

“I think I’ll start with you!”

He pounced and time seemed to slow down. Logic told her to stand back, to escape. What if Ladybug needed Rena Rouge? She couldn’t afford to get taken out of commission! But the emotional side of her mind screamed Lila and Friend and Protect. So she stepped forwards and gave Lila a shove out of the way. Felix’ sword hit Alya instead, directly in the chest. An icy sensation washed over her as the rest of the class watched in horror. But to her surprise, it wasn’t the blade that had stabbed her, but the nib-like hilt. She didn’t feel any pain. Just numbing, terrifying coldness.

“How sweet, a volunteer!”, he mocked her and she trembled. A vague, undirected fear rose in her chest and formed a lump in her throat.

“Felix”, she whimpered, surprised by her own, scared voice. He shook his head.

“It’s Sentiquill. Now how about you show your friends what dark places you hide from them?”

His face darkened.

“Not that you know much about friendship. Why would you abandon Marinette for someone like Rossi?”

She didn’t plan to answer, wanted to scream at him to buzz off, but her mouth didn’t comply her.

“I feel so boring next to Lila’s adventures, so small.”

What?! No, no, no! She didn’t mean to say that!

But she couldn’t stop, not even as black swirls of ink appeared around her, aiming for the sword. She felt as if her greatest fears and demons were sucked out into the open.

“I’m scared to be forgotten, to never reach my dreams. But Lila helps me with that.”

Lila hid behind Madame Bustier, eyeing the door. Was she searching for an escape? Wasn’t she interested in what Alya was forced to admit?

No, of course not. Alya wasn’t important, after all. Just some girl that clung to Lila. She was no one.

“Is that why you leave Marinette to herself?”, Sentiquill snarled gleefully. “Because you’re a pathetic nobody?”

“Marinette thinks Lila is lying. She’s acting so aggressive all the time.”, Alya was forced to say. Sentiquill leaned in, as if he planned to whisper. But when he spoke, it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Let me tell you a secret, Césaire. Lila is lying, and you are wrong.”

The darkness around her amplified as she looked at him in horror. If she’d been in her right mind, she could have denied his words easily. But whatever spell he had her under made her vulnerable to his influence, as if he were forcing the words directly into her brain, making her doubt herself.

“But she’s done so much for me and my blog.”, Alya whispered shakily, trying to fight his magic. “If she lied, all of that would be for nothing. She can’t be lying. She can’t.”

He lowered his sword and Alya broke down, feeling empty. She was no one, she was useless. She had given up everything for a lie. She was a monster to the people she cared about. What had she done?

Her muscles didn’t work, her body didn’t obey her as she fell to her knees, hugging herself. She couldn’t move. Guilt and terror weighing her down like chains.

The only thing she could do was watch as Sentiquill raised his sword, it’s hollow shaft filled halfway up with the ink he’d created from her confessions. A single strike released enough of it to block the door, trapping everyone inside. Everyone? No, Adrien wasn’t here anymore. Must have slipped out when the rest of the class had been frozen in terror. Maybe he’d get help.

Not that she deserved it.

With dull eyes she watched the Akuma walk towards Lila, raising his blade again. This time it was Mme Bustier that sacrificed herself.

“I don’t know how to handle conflict. I don’t care enough to learn.”, he dragged one secret after the other out of her. “I try to make my students clear trouble out themselves because I’m scared they won’t like me anymore if I get too strict.”

Alya heard her, but didn’t really understand her words. The pain in her head was too great, the hopelessness in her stomach too heavy. Only when Lila hid behind Nino - brave, kind Nino - as Sentiquill went after her again she managed to look up.

He’d attack her boyfriend next.

He’d make him just as miserable as her.

She couldn’t let that happen.

Her body slumped, ignoring her wishes. She couldn’t do anything. She was nothing.

The last thing she saw before breaking down for good was a red yo-yo breaking through the window, just in time to knock the quill away. She sighed as the world faded to black.

Nino would be save.

That was all that mattered.

-

Adrien had hid beneath his desk when the door had been kicked in, and slipped out of the room the second Sentiquill had spotted Lila.

Typical for Felix.

Once he had made an enemy, he couldn’t think of anything beyond petty revenge. And now this idiot had gotten himself akumatized.

“I hope Marinette’s alright.”, he told his Kwami as he hid behind a locker. “If she was with Felix when the Akuma possessed him, she was probably his first victim.”

Plagg raced around him before giving him the dirtiest glare Adrien had ever seen.

“If anything, she was your victim first!”, the tiny cat snarled. “What were you thinking?! You were acting like an ass!”

Adrien scowled.

“It’s not my fault she’s so obsessed with Felix that she can’t see reason anymore. If she’d listened to me in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“Gah!”, Plagg groaned. “You’re so incredibly dense, kiddo! Transform already, before I forget myself and claw your blind little eyes out!”

Adrien pouted.

“Hmph! You’re being ridiculous. Plagg, claws out!”

As soon as the transformation was complete, he went back to the classroom. The door was sealed shut by a solid black substance, but luckily for him, the classroom had windows to the yard he could see through. Ducking so he wouldn’t be noticed, he glanced inside. Alya was on the floor, holding herself as if she might fall apart. Lila was hiding behind Nino, and Sentiquill stood in front of Bustier, who said something he couldn’t hear. Black ink floated around her before streaming up the quill’s nib. When Sentiquill stepped back, Bustier fell to the ground and wrapped her arms around herself, mumbling incoherent words. So that was how Sentiquill’s power worked. He made inkwells out of people, turned their secrets into ink to fill up his sword, then used it to create barriers and walls or whatever. Kind of stupid, just like his costume design.

This would be too easy.

He froze, an idea creeping up on him. Sentiquill’s power wasn’t very challenging for him and Ladybug, that was true. But... Ladybug wasn’t here yet. And if he took out the Akuma on his own, his Lady would only be here to purify the Akuma and disappear again. He hadn’t spoken with her since their last disastrous patrol.

Slowly, he started to retreat, then broke out running and jumped on the roof. There was no need to rush things. He would wait for Ladybug and use the chance to be around her for as long as possible. There were still a lot of other people ready to sacrifice themselves for Lila, so revealing her lies was no immediate threat. A smile appeared on his face when he spotted something red, just before Ladybug’s yo-yo broke through the window.

He’d been right! Now they could talk about why she’d freaked out at him the last time.

Or... he could wait some more. To make his entrance as dramatic as possible, and to remind her how great he was as her partner.

Chat Noir sighed.

He truly was brilliant, from time to time.