#the first time I realized I do this was in middle school
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shadows of the dark
matt sturniolo x reader
1 2
summary : growing up in the ‘middle of nowhere’ small town in lochcliff, colorado, stories were heard of multiple strange disappearances, murders, animal attacks, and more. when you were younger, you never paid attention to that stuff. now at the age of 17 it’s all you ever hear about. what happens when you realize those ‘stories’ you heard growing up, may not just be scary fairytales people tell their kids.
warning ⚠️ : contains mature themes, smut, gore (nothing insane), angst, etc. this warning is for all chapters.
(this does take some inspiration from tvd!)
chapter 3 : attacks
the rest of the school day didn’t amount to much. every class just explaining what we were going to do and learn for the first semester. i would see matthew out of the corner of my eye, occasionally with christopher and the other one but other than that, nothing.
the second i got home, i decided to take a shower. so i grabbed whatever looked the most comfortable from my closet and made a b-line for the bathroom.
as soon as i stepped into the warm water, i felt my muscles relaxing almost instantly. as if every little droplet was its own pair of tiny hands messaging every crook and tense area in my body.
i did my whole shower routine and after almost an hour, i stepped out and got dressed in a pair of wide leg sweatpants and a grey hoodie.
“y/n! you out of the shower yet?” corbin’s voice calls out. he ended up having a ‘first of the year’ football meeting and practice after school, which ended up causing me having to walk home from school. although i didn’t mind it one bit. the cool air of the colorado afternoon working as the fresh air i’ve been in need of for a long time, the sun hiding behind the cover of clouds causing a scenic landscape with the yellow and red leaves overspreading the ground.
“yeah!” i shout back, exiting the bathroom before making way to my bedroom.
i shut my bedroom door, the click of it indicating to me that it fully shut. i walk to my dresser, pulling out a vanilla scented candle and lighting it, creating a cozy orange luminescence to coat my room. the sound of rain beginning to fall pattering against my window.
i then slide into my bed, covering myself with the white fluffy comforter my mom got me for christmas last year, instantly bringing me to a sense of comfort and relaxation. i pull out my laptop from my nightstand, turning on netfix. after scrolling through the endless options of the app, i decide on putting on a random movie as background noise as i opt on just scrolling through various social media platforms on my phone.
my mind starts to wonder back to matthew and the conversation i had with jayde earlier that day.
“don’t you think it’s a little strange that these two guys - whom have the same last name that no one has even heard of anyone having in years, just..come out of nowhere?” i question her.
“not really. probably just moved away forever ago and just decided not to tell anyone, then move back.”
“yeah maybe.”
it just doesn’t make any sense to me. the last name ‘sturniolo’ hasn’t been talked about in years. let alone someone with the last name living here again. in my whole seventeen years of living on earth, i’ve only ever heard of the name, just making me think that it was a fun little tale to tell everyone to give the boring city of lochcliff a little more character.
could someone just coincidentally have the same last name? sure. but someone with the same last name, living in the same town? it’s all just so strange and confusing.
maybe i’m thinking too much on it and it’s really just nothing and perhaps they’re descendants of their ancestors who once used to live and roam the streets of lochcliff. but, the sturniolo’s were known for never wanting to leave the city they helped found.
which is where my thinking leads to now, my fingers quickly typing ‘carmilla sturniolo and the sturniolo family of lochcliff, colorado.” i click on the search button, the screen instantly bringing me to a page of a newsletter written in 1877.
the lochcliff paddler
march 7, 1877
in the town of lochcliff, colorado, residents celebrate the 2-year anniversary of the founding of the city. james whitlock giving a speech
“yeah not interesting” i mumble to myself as i continue scrolling through the archives of the town.
i continue passing by multiple vintage newsletters, until one catches my eye. causing me to pause and read over it.
a death in lochcliff
october 21, 1898
police in the city of lochcliff warn locals to be aware of an ongoing investigation in the death of carmilla sturniolo. sturniolo was discovered in the home she shared with her husband, theodore, and her three sons. sturniolo was known as the first woman to be a member of the towns council, and her family’s help in founding the city. investigators haven’t shared any specific details with the public on how her death occurred. although, rumors speculate that the people whom stood outside the sturniolo residence as emergency personnel pulled her out of the home, say she looked as is if she had been “mauled by an enraged bear.” police suspect there may have been foul play that took place, their reasoning being the residence looking like, quote on quote : “a bomb went off. glass and bookshelves broken and shattered around the home. two windows completely destroyed.”
theodore hasn’t spoken out about his wife’s passing. the three sons they shared completely disappearing from the town. accusations of the three sons being the cause of death to carmilla sturniolo. others say that they think the sons were kidnapped.
i finish reading the newsletter and turn off my phone with a sigh after learning no new information i didn’t already know. i feel my stomach rumble with hunger, so i stand up and make my way downstairs to the kitchen.
“hi sweetie! how was your first day?” my moms voice chirps as i enter the kitchen. her already cooking as the aroma of spaghetti lingers in the air.
“same old same old. i only have a couple classes with jayde which is a bummer.” i say as i take a seat at at the kitchen island.
she hums as she nods understandingly. “i’m sorry kiddo. did you meet anyone new?”
“technically i didn’t meet him but there’s a new kid in my class. i think he’s a triplet.” i take a sip of my water.
“a triplet? how fun! what’s his or their names?”
“matthew and christopher sturniolo. i don’t know the other one’s name.” i respond, crossing my arms over the table as i watch her draining the water from the noodles.
“sturniolo? huh, haven’t heard that name in a while.” she says, mixing the sauce in with the droopy noodles.
“yeah, i thought it was weird too.”
“what’s weird?” corbin’s voice interrupting our conversation, sound of him now coming down the stairs into the kitchen.
“just this kid in my class. he’s new.” i sigh, as my mom hands me the plate of spaghetti she fixed for me.
he nods his head, taking his own plate of food and plopping down beside me. the next few minutes are filled with silence as corbin and i chow down on our dinner.
the sound of clicking of a remote cuts through the quietness as i see him turning the tv on, the local news being the first image to show up on the tv.
“breaking news, this just in. a teenage girl, seemed to be around the age of 16 to 18, found dead in the woods after a party thrown by high schoolers took place.” the tv anchor reports. “an animal attack being the reasoning of her death. more details will be shared shortly.”
a/n : the newsletter was so much fun to write tbh. anyways hello new part :) i have so many plans for ts im so excited
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#sturniolo x reader
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I subconsciously bite my hand n’ arm
#bearz rambling tag#I just snapped out of one#I dont know why#but it happens#if you ever see me irl#my arm and hand is covered by bite marks#and they’re all by me#I dont know man i really don’t know#the first time I realized I do this was in middle school#only because someone pointed it out#it gets worse when I’m nervous#also hey I brought my old sona back#because I needed a character that has more than a stick arm
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What does a fella do when you wanna talk with your moots, but you don't know HOW or WHAT to say? I wanna SOCIALIZE I wanna MAKE FRIENDS, but I also have a really big issue with not knowin what to say, so I accidentally leave people on read, and then I feel guilty. I swear I'm cool and fun to be around!! I just need to talk more
#dusty yaps#siggghh#i wish i was taught how to socialize when i was younger#then this wouldn't be a PROBLEM#but NOoOOOO#ma and da had to be like#“focus on school first. you shouldnt waste time on other people when you have so much to do.”#and then they wonder why i have no friends#and now theyre like “you need to get out of the house more! go make friends!”#I LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF BUMFUCK NOWHERE PENNSYLVANIA#theres nowhere to go and nobody to talk to!#guh i just realized im ventin i need to stop#ANYWAYYYY#i would like..friends. socialization#please
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rewatching black butler for the nostalgia in 2023
#black butler#madame red#greyart#rewatching it makes me realize how like...weird and gross it is at times#esp with these mfs constantly misgendering grell like 😔 god forbid women do anything#i get its an older anime but since when was p.dophilia ever okay bruh#i said madame red was pro life#black butler was one of the first few anime i watched in middle school
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i'm just traumatized by being given like the most popular name of the early 2000s and having 8 other Ashleys in every class growing up
#the trauma of being 6 and having to write my Full government First and Last name on everything#NOBODY ELSE HAD TO!!!! nobody else knew how to spell their last names!!!!!#only a few times i was lucky and could do Ashley (last initial). A FEW TIMES#bc so many Ashleys also had the SAME LAST INITIAL#one time i was the only Ashley in a class. until TWO MORE MOVED TO THE SCHOOL#the other kids called me the Original 😭😭😭😭#it hurts man..#also someone met me and changed their name to Ashley in 4th grade. i'm not joking. it felt like everyone was doing a Bit#like they were trying to BREAK ME#maddie if you're out there.. i still remember.#(i think it was her middle name or smth i have no idea)#i'm realizing a lot abt myself rn
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So I was supposed to be asleep three hours ago so take this with a grain of salt but. I think bdsm could have fixed Tyler durden.
#Was obsessed with both the movie and the book circa 13-14 years old and just rewatched it for the first time in years.#And totally missed last time how much of it is about sex#And like. Now that I'm older I understand where Palahniuk was coming from and what he was trying to do.#So I knew it had a certain element of queer manhood going on and all that goes with it.#But Jesus. Just rewatched and realized I forgot. Cannot believe I was allowed to watch that.#And my brother was ten/eleven! Good times.#Anyway. Now that I've watched it as a queer man instead of just a weird middle school girl that's my 2 am take.
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reading easier level books with the open dyslexic font is actually making reading fun again 2 me
#realizing things abt myself rn#have i always struggled this much to read 🪿#honestly actually yes because i remember struggling in middle school too even if it took me a few days to plow through pjo and hoo books#i’ve been trying to finish the atlas six for two years now but the writing is sooooooo. sometimes too#girl i really do think i’m dyslexic �� i’m like 90% sure my mom is in some way too#anyway fourth wing fun :) finally picked it back up again on libby!!! happy i bookmarked it because whew i had to check it out again#for the first time since august#anyway no one make fun of me . i know how weird ppl are about books other people read for some reason#also i have the autistic fear of being perceived#anyway <3
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Actually what do I study if I am kind of a little bit a stem-girlie but also really definitely not. And I like psychology, religion, languages and linguistics, cultural anthropology/ethnography. Like maths (algebraic, bad at numbers), abhor statistics, like physics (but really bad at a lot of it), dislike chemistry, is okay with biology but not extremely passionate about it quite lukewarm really though medicine is my favorite aspect of it and i kind of like it. Well?
#is good with words but bad at reading due to concentration issues and really really bad with numbers and a lot of abstract things also#not rly interested in political science or economics#history never grabbed my attention that much#in that case i am more interested in pre-historic times#or ancient times too#from prehistoric to the neolithic revolution and then onwards until a few hundred years A.D#but then my interest wanes#oh i know its when christianity enters the story lol#ruining everything interesting in history and the cultures#im intersted in scandinavian history pre-christianity#and like every countrys individual history#i guess i like philosophy too its kind of my natural state existential crisis is my middle and last name#first wrote that i am good at thermodynamics and electricity for physics then was like oh yes i am good with nuclear/atomic physics too#then i was like Girl what in the world are you talking about. you are not. good at those things#and then realized oh high school physics probably does count#and that atmoic physics had a lot of math and thats why i got it#basically like the physics was so simple that it was just mathematics#like putting the atoms into a formula or whatever we did#oh it was my favorite though#but yeah. i am not. like. who the fuck do i think i am#(went to swedish version of high school specialized in natural science to clarify so idk if its just regular hs physics but still girl no)
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i’ll have y’all know that i was ready to pass out before i saw this silly lil video which made me wanna make a silly lil guy and now we got a backstory and personality and brain rot over a new oc 💜
#i wanted an oc who is just always down to clown and will do some of the silliest things to make you smile#and now i got one 👁️👁️#for the first time in a while i started creating soley based on vibes so he has no name yet but!!#he’s connected to chiyo :) he was part of the group of kids who bullied her growing up :)#he wasn’t the one putting eggs in her hair but he sure did let it happen#AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD but he was scared and struggling and handled it poorly and then!! grew up and got better!!#he’s a character who definitely just did what he had to to fit in and make it through school bc his sister stood out#and he saw how that went for her at school and with their parents#as adults he and his older sister are very close 💜 but it’s a long road getting to that point#and actually!! i was debating whether i wanted him to be chiyo’s close friend or a coworker who realizes#who she was#bc his experience with her in middle school really impacted him and started his journey of growth#but pls know that he’s a big goofball who just wants to know who he is when there’s no one to copy#in my notes i wrote ‘does he like chocolate or does he like it bc it’s his sister’s favorite?’ and i’m sad :((((#get ready to ramble | ooc#alright i might actually pass out now asdfgh i’m eepy
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🎶
#ok super random rosie post#not gonna explain but I feel a lot more free to do what I wanna do now#and it’s fucking amazing#but but I’m thinking about starting a tik tok for like idk singing and cover videos#maybe art who knows#but I don’t even understand how to USE TikTok let alone how to make shit on it#(just realized the first time I used TikTok it was ‘tick tock’ and I find that super funny#but also shows that I’m really really not on it at alllllll)#I only use tumblr#for years now I guess?#I still have a fb but it just makes me sad going on there lol#never been into twitter or x or whatever the fuck and instagram never really stuck for me#so here I am#but I’ve been really wanting to make music videos and I feel like that might be the best way#fun rosie fact of the day#I used to really want to do covers and music on YouTube#like back in middle school#I even did a few videos and I’m terrified to look to see if they are still up#but most likely they are 😂😂😂#lil rosie at like idk how old are middle schoolers? 10?????#anyway getting super distracted#but I’ve been singing my musical theater songs and oooooofda I love it so so much#kinda wanna try and do like a duet with myself#like if I’m doing wicked#I’ll do half my face like elphaba and the other like Glinda#orrrrrr I’ll figure out how to edit videos and do different ones and idk the right word right now connect them hahahaha#yes I might be a littttttle high#but I’m doing goooooooood also running out of space so the main reason for this super long tag post if anyone cares or sees#if you know or use TikTok and wanna help an oldie (even tho I’m 25 I feel like I’m so old 😂😂)#shut up rosie
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💜😊
#last night i ended up having a slumber party with some friends and yoooo#i didnt realize how much i needed this#the girl talk need and just staying in watching movies and eating junk food#😂 deadass watching Barbie movies while doing hookah for the first time AND going on about our kinks was so unhinged and fun#we also filmed our own version of a taylor swift music video#i felt like i was in middle school hanging out on a weekend night again#borrowed my friends pjs and ended up drifting off to sleep to The Princess Diaries series#truly childhood coded in the best way#like there are some days i feel i dont fit in as much with girls bc i dont know how to do my makeup and have little exp with sex or dating#so being in an environment where i could talk about that without feeling like i was a joke was so important you have no jdea#my friend walked by at one point and i slightly woke up so she lightly touched my hand and asked if i needed anything#like water or more blankets or some food#and i instantly felt like a child again in the best possible way#inner child healing coded fr#personal
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So I was back to subbing at the elementary school today, which as I've mentioned is my favorite place to work. In some ways it's just the most comfortable to me; this is now my fourth year in a row I've had some kind of job associated with kids of that age group who attend that school, so I know a lot of the students and faculty. Actually, a lot of the faculty who work there today have been working there since I was a student.
Most of them recognized me immediately when I started showing my face there, like I didn't graduate from there over a decade ago, age 11. There was one para, who now works as a library assistant, but who used to monitor lunch and recess. I didn't remember her name but I knew her face. The first time she saw me subbing she was just like "oh, hi Diana."
I was talking to her this morning before school started because a first grade teacher unexpectedly called out, so I filled in for her for the first hour of the day before I started the job I clocked in for and a replacement could be found. But this library assistant usually leads the morning meetings with this first grade class and would help me with attendance and all those other beginning-of-the-day responsibilities.
She was saying to me "You know, why don't you work here full time? You're good with kids. You'd be good at it." In other small talk we'd had last year she had asked me similar things, like if I'd ever consider taking up a steady job at the elementary school, how my school was going, etc. I'm in between college right now but currently not taking classes. And I mentioned how I'm trying to take more sub jobs at the middle and high school so I get more well-rounded—that actually is the age group my education major is in. I've been working with the preschool-to-fifth-grade age range but my plan has always been middle-to-high school English.
And I was telling her about that, and I was like "You know what? When I tell people I want to teach older kids, some say to me stuff like 'oh you never know, you might change your mind'—and only recently I've been wondering if I really would. But I hate it when they're right!"
And that made her laugh. But it's true! I do really love working with the littles, as it turns out. Been doing it several years now. But in terms of anyone who's ever mentioned that to me unprompted, I wanna be like... hey, what do you know?!?!
#i have complicated feelings about it#my elementary school is a good place to work though. maybe i would be a para or smth full-time. id consider it#tales from diana#it's just. actually no one would ever say that to a man lol. that's probably why that bothers me#altho. i did actually get my one friend to start subbing in the district too.#male friend. my age. does other stuff for work so he doesn't sub as much as i do.#has the same level of education as me but has considered becoming a teacher someday and i was like 'why not try subbing?'#so i sent him the application and then that was that#and he. like a lot of men. doesnt primarily WANT to teach elementary or early childhood.#great news btw. a 5th grade teacher retired at the end of last year and one of the new hires is the first#male classroom teacher this school has had in YEARS. the only other male teacher is the gym teacher. thats SAD#but yeah so i was telling him 'i know u might be intimidated by working w kids but you should really try it'#'you might like it more than you think'#what's funny is tutoring and working in childcare didn't make me feel like i wanted to start teaching younger. at ALL#but subbing around has made me rethink it. but then again it also might just be#i get the most boring ass shit to do when i sub at the middle or high school.#subbing at an elementary school is so much more involved no matter what youre doing#with olders it's like. ok here's your assignment your teacher left you. sit at your desk and shut up#i realize the bias that is at play here making me reconsider my future path lol.
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fun story i got the dlc of 'a date with death' at school LMFAO ..... i have cash but not gcash (it's a filipino thing) so i was talking w my friend in class who also played the game (and she calls me a nerd /pos a lot lol) and i was like i want the dlc but i have no gcash... and she was like ok i'll give you gcash..... enabler ....... but also she wants me to tell her abt it so. ^_^ ecks dee
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#super duper fun day at school again! wow. idk. love my friends.#i am severely cramming on my yearbook stuff tho haha... oops.....#hope you all had a wonderful day too !!! :3 <3#currently insane btw uh sm is going on (/pos & /neg) but i am. calm rn i think. yeah.#also finally played omori again ^__^ and i've been playingg ddlc myself for the first time despite knowing it since middle school/release#and i had fun being silly w my classmates and friends who know me well by now for the little hyper 'tism thing i am#...and today my two friends in class have said i seem autistic. or maybe also adhd.#!!!!! which is a Lot coming from them like i've said b4 bcs one is literally going into psych and was tested as a young kid#and the other i learned today has been asked often by diagnosed friends if they have adhd#and my diagnosed friend (hi bestie if you see this) thinks i'm adhd w a bit of the tism. so...!!!!#actually the more i realize how diff i am from the normal person the more i start to truly wonder again. hm.#also i'm writing a ton... but like in my notebook :3 gna write in gdocs some more + for school & self-indulgent & content !!!!! yay#gna do more game dev and design too and read. aaahhh and exercise and take care of myself and sleep better.....#will take care of myself!!! will do my best!!! and make it a habit!!! i am happy rn can you tell
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Uh. Got a little carried away in the tags. But this is very interesting!
little joel on youtube got me wondering what the percentage is actually like. please reblog so i can get more responses and thus a more representative data pool for my demographic of "people who use tumblr in 2023"
#soooooo#i was put into gifted in first grade and it kinda sucked#because theyd pull me out of class and i missed fucking computer lab time!!!!!#but we did fun logic things so i couldn't be super mad.#then they started bussing us to a separate school during that time#wed do our logic puzzle stuff there#then play at their playground#then head back to my school where id get a second playground break and if i was lucky#id also get lunch. so id get two lunches. i was living big#then my parents sent me to a “gifted school”#which really was just all ND kids without appropriate teacher supervision and care.#and that was hell#for 3 years.#my parents said it was like lord of the flies but didnt take me out until i got bad grades (because thats how they are)#then i went to another nother school and was just in an advanced class. there wasnt a seperate gifted program. that school was wonderful#i did almost kill someone but i was young and really really really didn't understand consequences#then in middle school i went to another not gifted but effectively gifted school.#they split up students into two groups thst were basically seen as smart kids and average kids. but of course the average kids were treated#like they were all idiots#and i realized the gifted system just pits kids against each other and it would be better if we didnt have it#i excelled in school but thats it. I'm not socially adept.#my parents wouldn't let me do anything othwr than my absolute best at all times and were perpetually disappointed in me.#they said they were proud but i was always in trouble and never doing enough to keep them satisfied#they gave me extra summer work#by highschool they had completely stopped doing anything special if i got all As. thats just what was expected.#i remember in highschool i was taking a ton of advanced classes sophomore year#and i wanted to wait and do my college english later because i had such a heavy course load#and my mom flipped her shit and said i was slacking off and not living up to my potential#so i took it anyway#finished all my English classes forever before 11th grade
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but what if the torment will never be over and I just have to live in hell forever now.
#how is a teenager supposed to come to grips with everything#how am i supposed to do this#why didn't i get to have a life#why was i 11 when covid first happened#and why am i 16 now#and why has my life felt like some sick circle back to where i was at 12 sitting at home in my room at 3am#except now I'm in so much more pain and so much more traumatized and have so much more responsibilities#and no direction for my life anymore#and no hope that anything will get better again#I'm just stuck here. again.#and this time i don't think i can get out#i barely remember things from before middle school#and that's when everything started going to shit#and it won't stop#it just won't stop getting worse#i know it's gotten better but what am i supposed to do when i realize i am so much more unsafe than i have ever been before#and i fear it's going to go below rock bottom next year#how do i pull myself anymore#why do i keep going#i know why but looking future in the face i am so overwhelmed and terrified#and i don't want to go into that#i don't want to be in that future because i don't know who I'll be after that#i don't know how i am going to be#and how I'm still here#i feel like I'm falling apart a bit#but it's 3:22am#I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow#for now i should go to bed#tw vent
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my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness
#i refer to ages 12-16 as my ‘church girl era’ bc that’s when i got really deep into christianity#like i went to church twice a week (regular sessions on sundays small groups on tuesdays) and to church events trips camps etc all the time#i even got baptized when i was 13 bc my siblings and i weren’t baptized as babies#like church was such a huge part of my life but i think it only became that bc of the specific church i went to#it was a nondenominational church and the environment was very chill for lack of a better word#and the social aspect of it was really what got me into the actual religion#i HATED going there when we first moved here bc i didn’t know anyone and i was so painfully shy#then in middle school i made a bunch of friends who went to the same church and suddenly it was so fun#that’s when i started going on tuesdays bc we would play games and have contests and stuff like that before the actual small groups#so it felt more like a club my friends and i were in than a church#but once i had those friends and i was comfortable being there i genuinely started to get more invested in christianity#bc i was actually paying attention to the sermons instead of just thinking about how anxious i was the whole time#so by the time i started high school i was very actively christian for the first time in my life#but somehow i drifted away from it just as easily as i fell into it#i started playing lacrosse when i was 15 and we had practice most weeknights so i couldn’t go to small groups anymore#and then our church merged with a bigger church in the area so we became a new branch of that church instead of a little community church#and the merger changed so much about the way the church operated that a ton of people just stopped going entirely including me#and it only took a few months for me to realize that i just didn’t really believe any of it or feel connected to it anymore#and idk even years later i still have love for a lot of those people and that part of my life#but it’s interesting how as soon as i lost that social community the church gave me i was completely disconnected from the religion itself#and at this point in my life i can’t see myself ever identifying as a christian again partly bc i just can’t get myself to believe in god#and partly bc of all the awful christians out there although i firmly believe there are still so many christians who are good people#for example my church was always accepting of the lgbtq+ community which obviously was and is super important to me#but yeah i just can’t see myself ever being religious again but at the same time i still find myself missing it sometimes even now#the community was clearly a huge part of it for me but it was also such a nice feeling to be so into the faith or wtv you want to call it#like i’ve always known my own values/morals ofc and i also love other forms of spirituality but actual religion is such a unique thing to me#like i don’t want to be christian again but i do miss the feeling of being christian/religious in general if that makes sense#and at least for me there really isn’t any substitute that can give me that same specific feeling which is honestly really sad to me#anyway. idk where i was going with this but if any former christians (or other ex religious people) want to weigh in i’d love your thoughts#lj.txt
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