#the first of which had to fit in like a decade’s worth of context

[sodacowboy]

some of y’all don’t understand slowburn story telling and it shows

[sausage-rolll]

I'm genuinely shocked that so many people were blindsided by the reveal that Miquella was a bit fucked up to the point that some even think that it's a recon. Because honestly there were always signs that something was a bit off with him.

-

First of all, and most obvious is that he took part in the shattering. Having Malenia go on a war path across the entirety of the lands between in his name. Even without the context of why this was done, it's still a pretty dubious thing to do.

There's also the fact that him and Malenia were the aggressors in the battle of Aionia. The fight happened just outside of Selia. Right outside of Radahn's home. She rocked up to the town he was protecting looking for a fight. A fight that, may I remind you, devastated Selia and other surrounding locations.

Miquella had done a copious amount of research into Malenia's affliction in search of a cure, I refuse to believe that he didn't have at least some sort of idea as to what could happen if she was pushed far enough. And he still allowed her to enter a battle to the death with radahn that ended up not only ruining both of them, but the entirety of Caelid too. All while he watched on from the sidelines.

-

Moving on to a much shorter point, his power to compel affection. A power similar to the bewitching branches, an item that he may have also directly developed, which allows one to override the will of another person to such an extent that they'll turn on their allies and fight by your side.

-

This point's something that I brought up in the past, and something that borderlines on headcanon but I think it's worth mentioning.

So, you know castle Sol. The castle in which Miquella attempted a ritual to revive Godwyn. The castle in which half of the key to his haligtree is guarded. The castle that watches directly over said haligtree. The castle in which Miquella definitely has very close ties to.

That castle Sol.

Did you ever notice that it contains a pretty sizeable albernuric torture chamber? One fitted with tools and contraptions that'd make Rykard proud, including the black dumpling.

Now there's no way to prove that Miquella had anything to do with this. He's been absent from castle Sol for decades. I just think it's notable that a castle so synonymous with him has a torture chamber full of the very people he's vowed to fight for.

-

Now that's not quite everything. There's also a few more points, like how he's dubbed as the most fearsome empyrean and even some stuff with St. Trina like her cult that developed sleep inducing weaponry to forcibly spread her teachings (though there's no proof she endorsed this), but I think I've made my point. Miquella's always been kind of off. There was just enough ambiguity surrounding him to give his actions the benefit of the doubt. But those actions were still there.

[fatehbaz]

The [...] British quest for Tahitian breadfruit and the subsequent mutiny on the Bounty have produced a remarkable narrative legacy [...]. William Bligh’s first attempt to transport the Tahitian breadfruit [from the South Pacific] to the Caribbean slave colonies in 1789 resulted in a well-known mutiny orchestrated by his first mate [...]. [T]he British government [...] successfully transplanted the tree to their slave colonies four years later. [...] [There was a] colonial mania for [...] the breadfruit, [...] [marked by] the British determination to transplant over three thousand of these Tahitian food trees to the Caribbean plantations to "feed the slaves." [...]

Tracing the routes of the breadfruit from the Pacific to the Caribbean, [...] [shows] an effort initiated, coordinated, and financially compensated by Caribbean slave owners [...]. [During] decades worth of lobbying from the West Indian planters for this specific starchy fruit [...] planters [wanted] to avert a growing critique of slavery through a "benevolent" and "humanitarian" use of colonial science [...]. The era of the breadfruit’s transplantation was marked by a number of revolutions in agriculture (the sugar revolution), ideology (the humanitarian revolution), and anticolonialism (the [...] Haitian revolutions) [as well as the American and French revolutions]. [...] By the end of Joseph Banks’ tenure [as a botanist and de facto leader] at the Kew Botanical Gardens [royal gardens in London] (1821), he had personally supervised the introduction of over 7,000 new food and economic plants. [...] Banks produced an idyllic image of the breadfruit [...] [when he had personally visited Tahiti while part of Captain Cook's earlier voyage] in 1769 [...].

---

[I]n the wake of multiple revolutions [...], [breadfruit] was also seen as a panacea for a Caribbean plantation context in which slave, maroon, and indigenous insurrections and revolts in St Vincent and Jamaica were creating considerable anxiety for British planters. [...]

Interestingly, the two islands that were characterized by ongoing revolt were repeatedly solicited as the primary sites of the royal botanical gardens [...]. In 1772, when St Vincentian planters first started lobbying Joseph Banks for the breadfruit, the British militia was engaged in lengthy battle with the island’s Caribs. [...] By 1776, months after one of the largest slave revolts recorded in Jamaica, the Royal Society [administered by Joseph Banks, its president] offered a bounty of 50 pounds sterling to anyone who would transfer the breadfruit to the West Indies. [...] [A]nd planters wrote fearfully that if they were not able to supply food, the slaves would “cut their throats.” It’s widely documented that of all the plantation Americas, Jamaica experienced the most extensive slave revolts [...]. An extensive militia had to be imported and the ports were closed. [...]

By seeking to maintain the plantation hierarchy by importing one tree for the diet of slaves, Caribbean planters sought to delay the swelling tide of revolution that would transform Saint Domingue [Haiti] in the next few years. Like the Royal Society of Science and Arts of Cap François on the eve the Haitian revolution, colonists mistakenly felt they could solve the “political equation of the revolution […] with rational, scientific inquiry.” [...]

---

When the trees arrived in Jamaica in 1793, the local paper reported almost gleefully that “in less than 20 years, the chief article of sustenance for our negroes will be entirely changed.” […] One the one hand, the transplantation of breadfruit represented the planters’ attempt to adopt a “humanitarian” defense against the growing tide of abolitionist and slave revolt. In an age of revolution, [they wanted to appear] to provide bread (and “bread kind”) [...]. This was a point not to be missed by the coordinator of the transplantation, Sir Joseph Banks. In a letter written while the Bounty was being fitted for its initial journey, he summarized how the empire would benefit from new circuits of botanical exchange:

Ceres was deified for introducing wheat among a barbarous people. Surely, then, the natives of the two Great Continents, who, in the prosecution of this excellent work, will mutually receive from each other numerous products of the earth as valuable as wheat, will look up with veneration the monarch […] & the minister who carried into execution, a plan [of such] benefits.

Like giving bread to the poor, Banks articulated this intertropical trade in terms of “exalted benevolence,” an opportunity to facilitate exchange between the peoples of the global south that placed them in subservience to a deified colonial center of global power. […]

---

Bligh had no direct participation in the [slave] trade, but his uncle, Duncan Campbell (who helped commission the breadfruit journey), was a Jamaican plantation owner and had employed Bligh on multiple merchant ships in the Caribbean. Campbell was also deeply involved, with Joseph Banks, in transporting British convicts to the colonies of Australia. In fact Banks’ original plan for the breadfruit voyage was to drop off convicts in (the significantly named) Botany Bay, and then proceed to Tahiti for the breadfruit. Campbell owned a series of politically untenable prison hulks on the Thames which he emptied by shipping his human chattel to the Pacific. Banks helped coordinate these early settlements [...] to encourage white Australian domesticization.

The commodification and rationalist dispersal of plants and human convicts, slaves, the impoverished, women, and other unwilling participants in global transplantation is a rarely told narrative root of colonial “Bounty.”

---

All text above: Elizabeth DeLoughrey. “Globalizing the Routes of Breadfruit and Other Bounties”. Journal of Colonialism and Colonial History Volume 8, Number 3, Winter 2007. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Presented here for commentary, teaching, criticism purposes.]

[communistkenobi]

re: Trek: I was hit with a lot of the same feelings when I finally went and watched TOS a couple of years ago. There's a brand of Star Trek fan who really believe in what the show wants or at least claims it wants to be--a progressive vision of the future--but are incapable of seeing it for what it was lest they cede ground to the fans on the reactionary end of the spectrum who like it for pew pew guns and sexy green ladies. For what it's worth, the Federation isn't portrayed as a post-scarcity post-money society until TNG but it's not something they do more than pay lip service to

I think this gets into the limitations with individual character representation as a metric for “good” politics in a show. It has a comparatively diverse cast and that is historically significant, I understand that it’s groundbreaking, and I’m not downplaying that or saying those things don’t matter or had no impact culturally. but those individual representations are imbedded within the undergirding logic of the show, which is that the Enterprise is a ship meant to make contact with “new” “undiscovered” civilisations, measure their “development” on a singular scale that is premised on settler colonial ideas of land development & capitalist logics of expansion and growth, and then force those societies to fit into that particularly colonial mould. Multiple times the resolution to the plot of an episode is destroying any unique aspects of a culture that cannot be captured by those development metrics, and this is unambiguously presented as a good thing. This show is deeply invested in the maintenance of racial hierarchy and western hegemony, and its diversity and progressive elements must always be placed within that context. It’s racially progressive in some ways yes, but only narrowly, and in fact the necessity for good racial representation is the fault of those undergirding logics! We wouldn’t need good racial representation in the first place if those systems did not exist. “Good intentions” on the part of the writers do not negate the fact that the final product uncritically reproduces a western vision of culture, one that sees the west as manager, mother, teacher, and policeman to the rest of humanity.

I think Said’s discussion of Orientalism is once again very instructive: it’s not just that the show might be individually racist or sexist to particular characters or groups of people in a given episode. These things are bad yes, but they are surface level bad, and focusing only on them obscures the larger issue at hand. The deeper problem is that it operates on an orientalist epistemology, a way of knowing and seeing the world, one that necessarily excludes the basic conclusion that, like, the measure of a civilisation does not need to be premised on economic growth or European cultural modes, & in fact the idea that you can “measure” a culture unilaterally is itself a western construction. that scale is a tool of colonial development, one that is backed by a system of racial hierarchy that must be violently enforced to be realised in the world. Star Trek is by no means unique or special in this regard; this is the state of western media in total. I’m just uncomfortable with how uncritically fawning people are about it.

I’m also not privy to the discourse around this show, I’m an outsider encountering Star Trek for the first time as an adult and I’m largely ignorant of the 8-odd decades of discussion about it. But like, you don’t have to allow the reactionary crowd to control your understanding of the show! Saying it’s a fundamentally colonial narrative does not dismiss or diminish claims about racial diversity or representation in other areas, nor does it mean a reactionary interpretation of the show holds more weight. Those people are not worth considering, they have nothing of value to contribute to the discussion of the show’s politics. Like you can accuse me of having high standards or that my demands are ridiculous given the show is old, but I’m being bombarded (and have been bombarded) with claims that Star Trek is socialist, is progressive, is better than Star Wars politically, etc. and I don’t think those claims stand up to basic scrutiny unless you are willing to downplay or dismiss how deeply racist, ableist, misogynist, etc the show is, and further you have to ignore the basic fact that the show does not work if you reject or take umbridge with its imperial framework

[auspex]

VtM Fangfest 2024 Prompt 2: The Magician

Hello! Here is my second fic for Fangfest 2024 :)

All my fics will be about characters that are previously established, so you might not have context for everything mentioned or hinted at within :( Feel free to reach out to ask I love explaining!

I've never really posted my writing before so be kind!

my previous fic is here

This fic is about a Tremere from Mark's game named Gaius. This time I'll let the fic speak for itself.

Gaius forced his smile to come out as a scowl. Julius was getting a new childe? His arrogance never surprised him. Did he really think a fledgling would help him now? Whichever poor fool he selected would only be another weak point to exploit. 

The ghoul, whatever his name was, cringed at Gaius’s expression, but to his credit continued his message without hesitation. “As both primogen and regent of Detroit, in which this new fledgling is to be embraced, this is your official notice. As Julius’s statio-” 

Gaius cut him off. “Yes, yes, my permission is unneeded and not sought, he supersedes me, if I have concerns bring them up next I report, I know, I know.” He waved his hand, shooing the ghoul out. “I saw the email come through with the details as you were speaking. You are no longer needed. Begone.” 

“Yes, Regent.” Giving a salute, the ghoul was off, back to Elysium. 

Leaning back in his desk chair, Gaius scrolled through the email. The soon-to-be-fledgling was named Mark. This was one of the ones that Gaius already had been monitoring, as he knew Julius was considering him for the embrace, but he was still surprised. Based on his own intel, this one certainly wouldn’t have been his first choice for a new childe - he was likely chosen to be underestimated. Mark had a basic education - a PhD in Roman History, and was certainly prolific in his field, but no prodigy. He had studied the occult from a historical lens only, and had no strong connections in any mortal institutions. No martial skill to speak of. 

Gaius, alone now, truly smiled. There was no need to be concerned with over or under-estimating this one, for he would become his tool, in the end. 

The email indicated that Mark was to be temporarily placed under his care, along with some other new fledglings, in 5 nights time, as Julius was busy. Julius had also emailed him directly, ordering him to prepare Mark’s apartment for his return. 

Now he did scowl. This was a direct insult, showing off the power he had over Gaius. 

But such a petty request was not worth his energy to fight. Arrangements must be made. Besides, even cleaning an apartment could present opportunities.  

~

Directly outside the bars of Mark’s cell, Gaius sets his feet on a table, getting comfortable. Tonight, he’s not wearing Tremere robes, but tan clothes, with long black boots, somewhat reminiscent of a prison warden from decades ago. 

Other new kindred were to be shipped off to Elysium tonight after being held in the chantry. He figured Mark would fit right in with them - no reason to give him a warmer welcome than the others. If Julius wanted him to personally bring him in… fine. A prison suited him well. 

Gaius, a chronic user of rituals to give him more hours of consciousness, waited for Mark to leave daysleep. Finally seeing him stir, he leers at Mark. “Finally up? Have a nice nap?” Mark looked at him, surprised, and reached for glasses he surely didn’t need any longer. “You sure screwed that one up.” Gaius couldn’t believe this idiot had already broken the masquerade, in such a spectacular way that Julius hadn’t been able to hide it from him.

He couldn’t even consider Mark’s screwup a good thing; he needed Mark to stick around and do well. If Mark became too easy of a target, Gaius would be forced to take advantage, perhaps even punishing him with final death, to avoid making Julius suspicious. Or, Julius himself would tire of Mark and replace him. It wouldn’t do for him to be discarded for something as simple as a masquerade breach. 

Perhaps Mark thought himself untouchable. Gaius smirked to himself - he should be able to cure him of that tonight. 

Mark looked miserable already, and hesitated before replying. “Look, I, I don’t remember much of what happened. Do you know why I’m here?” 

Gaius continues staring at him, stroking his lower lip with his thumb, holding his beard. “You tell me!” he says, grinning. He knows damn well Mark remembers almost killing that college kid - this wasn’t his first frenzy. 

“I’m serious, I think I’m having a psychotic episode or something.” Mark holds his hand against his forehead, truly making a show of trying to remember.  

Oh please. Gaius leans his chair back as he replies “You’re either lying to me, or yourself, or both. Either way, you’re full of shit.”

Mark fidgets with his glasses. “Look, what happened to me wasn’t normal. But I… I get a phone call right? Can I please have my phone call?” 

Gaius laughs for a good five seconds, bitterly and caustic. “A phone call. Right. You’re definitely lying to yourself here. See, the thing with you new fledglings is, usually if you break the masquerade, you die. But you get to be special.” As he speaks, he slits his arm, down the vein. Blood drips onto the floor, and Mark can’t help but stare at it.

He continues. “Yes, it's blood. You can keep staring, that’s fine. So, the thing is, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to spend time on you tonight. Or any night. But you know how it is – I owe a guy, who owes a guy. So I’m going to…. help you out.” He lowers his gaze and smirks. 

Mark is hardly paying attention. The blood dripping down Gaius's arm is clearly occupying his focus. Gaius knows Mark must be hungry; to him, the blood should be hypnotic.

Gaius rolls his eyes and stares at the ceiling as he continues, knowing Mark is only half listening. “But the masquerade, it’s fundamental. If you wanna last at all, you better learn it. Doesn’t matter how hungry you get, don’t pull that again.”

Looking directly at Mark, staring with unblinking eyes, he speaks simply. “I don’t like you.” A pause. “See, if it was up to me, you’d be on a dinner plate.”

At that, Mark looks back at him instead of the pool of blood and shuffles uncomfortably. That did the trick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. H-how long have I been here?”

Too long.

Gaius decides it's time to stop taunting the fledgling. He contorts and lengthens his nail, dipping it in the blood he spilled. “Doesn’t matter, you won’t be here much longer.” Using the bloody nail, he signs a paper sitting on his desk; official release of Mark to the Keeper of Elysium tomorrow evening, passing responsibility along to him. Damn Camarilla paperwork.

“What was that?” 

“Your requisition order. Now, like I said, I have to help you out, but not for much longer, thank god. So… If you need anything, like… hmm, food, water, toilet paper…” He pauses after each item, enjoying his joke. “Go ahead and press that button in your cell. On the back wall there. I’ll have to come back; and if I do, it’d better be for a good reason. See you around.”

Before Mark can reply, he dissolves into shadow.

~

Back to his lab; time to finish his notes. 

Gaius, being not only an elder but one of the first mages of house Tremere to be embraced, had developed many thaumaturgical rituals and was privy to many secrets. Video Nefas was only one example; this now archaic and forbidden path of sorcery could rip memories from a victim's mind and peer into souls. 

However, Gaius mostly used it to keep track of his own progress and plans. 

Speaking aloud in his personal haven, he summarized what was left to do. 

 “December 30, 1999. There are approximately 9 lunar cycles remaining until the cosmos are in their proper alignments for the ritual. 

Lucius continues to grow in occult knowledge and takes well to his studies. Smart kiddo. Divination of his fate continues to be uncertain, but the timing of disturbances in the readings align with when the ritual should occur, which I take as a promising sign. I… I must continue to push him to be a suitable, erm, to be suitable, for Alexander.”

Gaius frowned in silence for a moment before continuing. 

“The text I arranged for him to read next should be available to me next week. He will have to learn Latin to read it, thus serving a dual purpose. 

Moving on. The collection of quintessence from Sparky continues at its slow rate. Current predictions indicate we will reach our goal with a month's time to spare. Bobbie, needy as ever, has said she needs more ghouls to assist in its protection, which I have assured her I will help provide. 

Julius has acquired a new childe that he clearly intends on being a spy. Based on previous intel, this selection is slightly ahead of schedule, I am unsure of why but it will likely play to my advantage. 

No idea why he picked this guy, but anyway. Personal effects of the fledgling were acquired for future scrying and rituals from his apartment. He will soon become directly under my influence once Kyle makes contact with him. Lucius may also meet him. Memory spheres have been arranged in my laboratory intended to make the fledgling open to allying with me against Julius, for when he inevitably attempts a break-in. In my assessment he is not a crucial asset, easily handled should he prove incompetent or overly loyal to Julius, but could regardless be useful.  

Moving on to more important matters, the coup is tomorrow.  I’ll finally be free of the fool Hookman. Soon-to-be-Prince Akikaos has committed to requiring half as many resources from me as Hookman did, allowing me to finish experiments and preparations in time for the ritual with plenty of time to spare. Assuming the coup is successful, I now should also be able to maintain my responsibilities as Regent until the time comes. If it is not, I shall submit my notice of resignation as soon as possible. 

Next week, again assuming the coup succeeds, I will be expected at the crowning of this new Prince, and I have also promised Lucius I would go to some sort of amusement park with him. A welcome break. For him and for me.”  

As he spoke, Gaius sketched out a complicated sigil outline on parchment. He paused his writing, reaching for a metallic sphere. 

There were hundreds of them in his haven, on shelves embedded into the walls. Gaius had even more in storage. Some glowed gently, others were dim like the one he had just selected. 

Doing nothing but focusing his vitae in the proper ways, Gaius replayed what he had just said in his mind, wrenching it forward, and outward, copying it into the sphere. 

It was automatic; a reflex. He had done it thousands of times before. 

Now, should he wish to remember, he merely had to retrieve this sphere. He placed it in its proper place on the shelf, joining hundreds of others. 

The records of the final stages of his plot, over a millennia in the making. 

Julius would die.

His son Alexander would return to the world of the living.

He could leave kindred society behind. 

Everything he had worked for would reach its conclusion. 

[thesinglesjukebox]

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT WE'RE BACK WE WEREN'T JOKING AROUND NOW GET IN THE CAR BEEP BEEP LET'S RIDE

CHARLI XCX - SPEED DRIVE [5.07]

Oliver Maier: A dark cloud seems to hang over Charli XCX as of late. Last year's perfectly passable Crash was touted by her as her "sellout" album, and while it charted impressively, it didn't demonstrate the effortless hitmaking that Charli sometimes implies she could pull off any time, if she only felt like it. That success instead has rather randomly gone to the risible "Speed Drive," her first UK top 10 since 2015 and first Billboard entry since a year prior. There's a lot I don't like about it, but enumerating its faults feels futile when it has the baked-in defense of just being a cute song for the Barbie movie!(!!!) Put simply, though, it's lazy to the point of feeling contemptuous. I have far fewer reservations about switching my brain off and having fun with pop when it feels like the artist is laughing with me, not at me. [2]

Alex Ostroff: On Crash, Charli started leaning into obvious interpolations to try to hit the charts. Hopefully, "Speed Drive" is the tail end of that tendency and not her new normal. The mashup of "Hey Mickey" and "Cobrastyle" works significantly better for me than the way she lifted from September and Robin S. for Crash singles, and there are a few excellent line deliveries, but this still feels like Charli on autopilot. The album's worth of unreleased songs with SOPHIE do more exciting and interesting things sonically than this PC-XCX retread, and if she isn't pushing the boundaries of pop music in weird and abrasive new directions, I'd much rather have the hooks and big choruses of "New Shapes" and "Lightning" than an under-two-minute sketch of an idea. The problem, of course, is that Charli on autopilot mashing up Robyn and Toni Basil, but fully committing to the performance and vocal delivery, still ends up giving us a: [6]

Alfred Soto: Charli XCX's reputation as a unsung pop master crumbles every time she releases another middling single. From the "Mickey" lift to the perfunctory rhythm track, "Speed Drive" is closer to assembly line than a Barbie factory. [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: The best Charli XCX songs in this lane are cleverly stupid ("Hot in It", "Yuck") or stupidly clever ("No Angel", "Vroom Vroom"), but this is just normal, garden-variety dumb -- less a song and more a collection of Pavlovian cues for stans to go wild over. All points here should be allocated to Easyfun, who at least does his job competently. [3]

Will Rivitz: Crash was Charli's worst release in nearly a decade for more reasons than I can fit in these few sentences, but most salient to "Speed Drive" was the record's uncharacteristically smooth polish. Her music achieves transcendence when it leans into its unsanded edges and hungover hedonism, channeling self-destruction and snottiness into bombast and excess. If it sounds like a first or second draft slapped onto Spotify before it's had the chance to hit a mastering studio, it's succeeded. Crash was too careful to hit those same highs, and as a result, its attempted mess felt lethargic and flat, indulgence as a single drunk cigarette instead of half an Adderall chased with absinthe. So, since "Speed Drive" sounds like it was mastered on a 2015 MacBook speaker and plays its two main interpolations as insouciantly straight as possible, it represents a return to form. Mess is more. [7]

Aaron Bergstrom: A perfectly acceptable Charli-by-numbers exercise: shiny, metallic PC Music production smeared over otherwise kitchy sonic references (and "Cobrastyle," which rules in any context); lyrics referencing cars, Japan, or cars in Japan; halfhearted attempt to tie it all back to Barbie somehow. [5]

Rachel Saywitz: Sonically, "Speed Drive" is one of the more interesting songs from this year's Barbie soundtrack -- unfortunately, that isn't saying much. A flurry of bubbling synth patterns echo the song's title, but what should be an exhilarating digital rush is overset by drab lyrics that sound like they came out of a Mattel exec's secret poetry diary (+ charm bracelet which unlocks the diary + a copy of the 2006 hit Barbie mocap film, The Barbie Diaries): "She my best friend in the whole world / On the mood board, she's the inspo / and she dressed in really cute clothes." Charli is in on the joke, but the joke isn't actually a joke -- it's a corporate branded major studio movie that was made to sell more toys, unable to subvert its maker no matter how many jokes it makes about male CEOs, discontinued toys, and "tax evasion issues." Can we just get Charli to soundtrack one of those poorly animated Barbie movies that know exactly what they are? Can we get a Barbie: The Princess and the Pauper remix album? Oh my god wait that would be incredible Mattel please call me I'll revoke my DSA membership please [5]

Hannah Jocelyn: I am a Barbie movie defender; you take your $100 million toy commercial and make the best possible trans allegory a cis woman can make, you have my respect. (Just as Little Women is the best queer movie a straight woman can make, love ya Greta!) I feel like mainstream feminism-attempting films, Barbie included, are so preoccupied with being Statements they'll sacrifice any momentum to get a message across. This is much less messy and complex than the movie it soundtracks, content to get in and out with its endearingly obvious samples. Charli's attitude makes the song sound more chaotic than it really is, but that effortlessness is a neat contrast to a movie that tries really fucking hard. Suddenly, I want to buy a 2024 Chevy Blazer EV. [7]

Brad Shoup: Like the vast majority of thinkpieces this movie elicited, this isn't really about Barbie, is it? It leaps into a gear and holds; there's nothing to distract you while the motor hums. It ends with Charli chanting "red lights," like she's desperate to pull over. [4]

Andrew Karpan: Perhaps the most important of the pop hits salvaged from an '80s nite at a club near you, "Speed Drive" is already a Greatest Hit among the stans, and justifiably so. Charli boils down what these nostalgia grabs are all about: misrememberences of a more understandable past, the fantasy of driving cars, the mood board stretched infinitely into the promise of a new century, the crux of Barbie itself. [10]

Jonathan Bradley: [A whiteboard with "Charli XCX Barbie soundtrack????" written on it and nothing else.] [3]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Even on this throwaway soundtrack cut where Charli sounds like she's putting in 25%, her pop flourishes and mannerisms are undeniably powerful. It's the way she rhymes "whole world" with "inspo", knowing it doesn't work; the way she races through the chorus like she's bored and speed-reading random words on a page; the way she robotically drones "Li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ghts," unbothered at the laziness of the hook. This can't even clock in at two minutes. Give us nothing, queen! [7]

Kayla Beardslee: Charli understands how to craft a hook better than 99.99% of all musicians that have ever existed. [7]

Dorian Sinclair: I would not have thought to combine "Hey Mickey" with Robyn's "Cobrastyle" at all, let alone as part of a massive Mattel movie. Perhaps this is why Charli XCX is a pop star and I decidedly am not. The result mostly works, though it feels a bit less than the sum of its parts. And while I don't entirely get the focus on the car, maybe it's so she can run it back for the Hot Wheels film? [6]

Peter Ryan: Pop's foremost interpolator doubles down for a truly inspired how-hasn't-this-been-done moment. As a chase scene backdrop it's an [8], but on its own it's not even her third-best car tune. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: Brainless, reckless fun utterly unfit for purpose. The song is called "Speed Drive" and is perfect in tempo and stupidity for racing down the highway faster than God intended. And Charli still interjects "hah!" like no one else. But when do you go on the highway? When you're planning on driving for more than 2 minutes! [6]

Jeffrey Brister: Sleekly built, moves quick without fuss, pushes up a bit, but never really crests into high gear. I'm not asking for transcendence, but maybe an acknowledgement of a higher power while you lightly tap the gas pedal? [5]

Edward Okulicz: Having stopped writing good Charli XCX songs years ago, Charli XCX has, with this, ceased to even sound like Charli XCX. The only good bit about this is the "Mickey" interpolation. Driving around with this would give me a headache within about two miles. [2]

Vikram Joseph: In which Charli decides to write an AI version of a Charli song before the machines get there first. [4]

Will Adams: I will own up to being one of those who were WRONG and DUMB about "Vroom Vroom" when it first came out; I still wouldn't rate it highly, but I recognize its importance and impact on pop music. Special thanks to "Speed Drive" for helping me through that process by demonstrating what "Vroom Vroom" would sound like if there were significantly less effort. [3]

Jibril Yassin: Sucker needed this more than we did, but I'll take any new Charli songs that use actual choruses again. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I applaud Charli for staying faithful to "Hey Mickey": the only good thing here is the hook. [3]

Crystal Leww: Funniest thing about this song is that one of my best friends in the whole world made an edit of it, and once we were out, the original played and I was like, "man this is so slow." And then she told me that the BPMs are actually exactly the same. Good song for Charli in her popstar elder era, but I'd always rather be listening to the edit. [5]

Michelle Myers: This would have been a fine addition to my 2009 pre-gaming playlist. I can taste the Smirnoff Ice and MAC Lip Gloss. [6]

Samson Savill de Jong: This is a banger that resists much discussion, just pounding you with being really really good and fun and HOT (but not, funnily, at all sexy). It needs a third verse, as it's over just as it really gets going, but ultimately probably better to leave you wanting more than wishing it was over -- though I find it hard to imagine this couldn't have stretched all the way to 3 minutes. [8]

Ian Mathers: It's good, but I've gotta knock it for three things (all possibly totally unfair, but that's the Jukebox babey!!!!!): 1. "Mickey" is a fine song but I am so sick of this kind of interpolation; 2. it reminds me at least by implication of "Vroom Vroom," and you, ma'am, are no "Vroom Vroom"; 3. it's only my second favourite 2023 soundtrack Charli XCX is featured on. [6]

Leah Isobel: Enough time has passed that we can admit Crash was mid, right? That in marking the moment in which Charli finally, actually committed to being a pop star, it also signaled her turn from real emotion to two-dimensional shtick? That her fanbase not only enabled this particular turn, but made it her only viable option? That her career is now defined by the need to please a group of people who treat her work as impersonal meme-bait instead of creative output from a real person? That, viewed in this light, the fact that "Speed Drive" has become her biggest hit in a decade makes perfect sense, even though it's the unsatisfying sonic equivalent of a single leftover french fry, drenched in grease? That pop stardom is, in itself, the reduction of a real personality and perspective into a flat and marketable image; that the aching, sincere heart of True Romance is actually dead and buried; that my youth is never coming back; that all I have left is this shitty, misogynistic world? And that, despite everything, I am physically and emotionally incapable of scoring a Charli XCX song that samples fucking "Cobrastyle" lower than this? [4]

Tara Hillegeist: It says a great deal about Charli's grasp on how to make hedonistic abandon actually catchy, even after the multiple ways that particular approach to imperial phases has shown their ass, that she can nearly faceplant on a still-mangled enunciation of "kawaii" and yet almost get away scot-free with her brazen interpolation of "Hey Mickey." I can yet imagine this scoring a campily villainous dance number in a Russel T. Davies SFnal dramedy on BBC Three and working. Sadly, Rusty's currently on contract to Disney instead, so an entirely different sort of Toymaker seems to have run off with the obvious bait for tiresome queens at present, and I'm not sure the vibe quite comes together as the prophecy was meant to foresee. Too bad. It'd be an [8] if it did, but only hypothetically. [3]

Nortey Dowuona: The problem with "Speed Drive" isn't the flat, pedestrian drum programming, even though that roots the song to the ground and never lets it become the exciting driving song it's meant to be. The problem is Charli constantly pushing forward in her music to embrace the more compelling and vivid music of the late '10s, only to be over-praised for a competent rehash of already marked territory by her elders. The same happened to Earl Sweatshirt, who doubled back to play in more conventional positions then, after the praise, re-doubled down on his direction. The way to engage with their music is to stop jumping up to beg them to pander to our changing taste and the industry's desire to cling to conventional wisdom. Let the Charli XCX of 2014 go -- she doesn't exist anymore, Charli's competent Toni Basil cover notwithstanding. Maybe actually trust them to chart their own paths -- you crafted your own, right? [6]

Frank Falisi: The streamlining of Charli's glitch-heat into soundtrack-ready radio-licking songs is good! PC Music was always a project about products, caring and careful as it was. Pop is a product about the project of being alive -- it's its own experimentation, it doesn't require archness. But to be alive is to seek out live wires and hearts to plug into, to give shape to. The pastiche that has haunted Charli's work in recent years takes as its engine dead objects: nostalgia (Crash), flippancy ("Hot Girl", Bottoms), and now, incorporation (Barbie). Can you feel a song begin to think of itself as servicing an occasion instead of a feeling? But you don't have to rope in career tea-leafing to know "Speed Drive" is plain boring. More like a treatment for a song than a composition moving through ideas, it cannibalizes the occasion of "Vroom Vroom" for a compensatory GM tie-in, settling for chorus as brand shoutout and production that's nearly apologizing for itself. Haters -- Lovers? Likers? I can't imagine a human being loving this song -- will tell me it's a fun, short song written for a fun movie that's been over-think-pieced and that doesn't deserve the hyper-scrutiny it received. I still think we deserve better than just "just" as far as the product-as-art future Barbie takes to be inevitable. I also think -- whatever their occasion -- all the song sequences in the film felt disposably-conceived, thinking a little of partnering with the image and thinking a lot about servicing the partner, which is the brand. Maybe pop music in cinematic space has always been product placement of a kind. Or worse, once it was a way to show love through intertextuality and now it's the moving image as Tumblr page, a cloud of association, a hungry rolodex of fits. And the suggestion of a pleasurable essence isn't the presence of pleasure. I know there's no purity, I don't want purity. But you have to let "want" in, have to want "want" to mean more than "get." Otherwise it's the experimental rendered in a language we already know. What I mean is: every day the inclusion of "Boom Clap" in The Fault in Our Stars feels surer. [2]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[rozadoesit]

"The Movie In Progress" — A Review of Volcano by Jungle

by La Roza Negra (They/She)

Having always been big on discovering new music for myself and sharing it with my friends and community accordingly because not only do I have a deep-seated love for music, I've always considered myself open to new possibilities. So color me surprised when a Band/Production duo that's been making music since 2013 barely finds my ears a decade later, with a sound that's still so striking and inventive that I'm able to feel genuine surprise?

Without too much knob-slobbing on the subject because I really had THAT much of a good time, I had the absolute privilege of exploring the mind of Jungle, with their August 2023 release of Volcano, a body of work I feel can only be described as a soundtrack to a contemporary love story, and I'd like to take you through the story I envisioned track by track. Let's get into it, shall we?

1.) Us Against The World

For starters, the choice to open a traditional album which is a rarity nowadays with not only a whole song but one that's three and a half minutes long at that is a very "hit the ground running approach that comes off as ballsy, but it definitely paid off.

The track rings so strange sonicaly from the quirky bassline that immediately calls you to attention, to the song itself and the instruments selected to accompany the track, and the choice of vocal effect's to play up the raspiness in the singer's voice juxtaposed with the clear/clean background vocals & overall vibe of the song. It feels like a moment of escape and playful liberation from reality, which is represented as well in the choice to go with jazz and modern/contemporary choreography as the dance styles of choice. As styles, both are very fluid, expressive, and improvisational in execution, the driving force being the song's overall theme versus the rhythm like most styles, often having to feel your way through. What's worth noting is that it requires immense control (and in some cases the yield of) to freely move your body in such manners, which adds a lot of context to the experience of the music.

This song is the beginning of a story where we meet a character and discover their personality but also establish that they're on what is to be a city escape of sorts, noting the importance and cultural context that disco was developed in spaces with predominantly people of color. We open with our players and Main Character (referred to as MC henceforth) and company embark on the beginning of their adventure, likely making their way through town, whether it be a shopping excursion, preparing for a big event, or just an excuse to be outside. There's wandering that happens in this song and uncertainty to where you'll land.

2.) Holding On

First and foremost, let me commend the seamless transition between the opening track and this one. It both fits the narrative (which we will get into later) and sonically raises the energy from the room, as this is a party song.

The tempo of the song, the pulsing kick drum and bassline, and the chant-like verses that consume your body and involuntarily cause you to shake, it invigorates the vessel and compels you to dance and not only dance, dare I say dance provocative because this song is notably very "cunty." I use that word specifically because, especially further made apparent in the video with a change in the focal dance style.

While the modern/contemporary elements are still present in the player's dancing, the characters in focus: the femme figures in the video, are dressed in absolutely stunning ensembles and have broken away from the theme of the company, focusing and leaning into the vogue dance style which is also indicative of the type of music in play. It's a Black Ball, with the various femmes representing different categories varying from Sex Siren to Soft & Cunty (hence the choice in verbiage earlier.) The nods to queer culture and incorporation of the impact in the storytelling isn't missed on me.

Speaking of the storytelling, because I'm invested in sharing my vision with y'all– picture this: Our MC has transitioned from their day/early night adventure with the company into the nightlife and the party is RAGING! They get into the space and the energy of the room washes over & consumes them, captivating them in a way they were unprepared for and taking them to the dancefloor to be absolutely carefree. MC and company are the moment and everyone is there to make their night.

3.) Candle Flame

Continuing the theme of transitioning from one track to another, we slow it down a bit with Candle Flame, however there are a few notable differences about this track compared to those prior.

I can't say definitively that there's light interpolation of the song, "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman, but I do feel as though there's inspiration guiding this notable poetic and romantic track. Carrying the poetic element of this song is what I can only describe as a Rap Ballad akin to that of "All I Need" by Method Man, with Erick the Architect narrating the nervous jitters of making way for a new opportunity at love on the horizon. It's a very adolescent energy carrying this song that I can only describe as your first College Spring Break. It's all new and different, there's permission to really come out of yourself and not only have a blast but steal a moment in time and lock it away to microdose on later once it all ends.

At this point in the story, in all the dancing and excitement, across the dancefloor, our MC encounters someone's spirit beckoning them and drawing them in closer and as they begin circling each other, falling deeper into the rapture of infatuation at first sight. There's no words being shared, there's only the rhythm, the lights, and the heat of passion setting the stage for body language to carry this conversation.

4.) Dominoes

This track, while definitely in-era, has to be my favorite thus far as it taps into the big-sister genre from the decade prior with a funky soulful Motown-esque groove that can only be described as whimsy and bliss. We've slowed away from the dance intensive tracks and gotten more into a cruising vibe. It also does wonders for expressing the new chapter in the narrative being conveyed. I think it needs to be studied how on instills so much character into a song with so few lyrics.

Romance has arrived in the story. The dancing was a thrill but the sparks between MC and their new Boo are definitely set ablaze. They decide to cut away from the party, MC likely shooting company a "Don't wait up" text and disappearing into the night to make their own fun, leading to wonder and discovery for them both. Maybe they went somewhere quieter like a late-night diner where they could talk & get to know each other better or maybe they're just out for a night drive/stroll while Boo shows MC the city life from a different perspective, as Boo is clearly a local in this story. It only makes sense. Either way, the flame is struck and we now get to watch the fire burn between them.

5.) I've Been In Love

There's a return of the Disco elements, but also a notable difference to the funk from the last song and this song's venturing more into Tropical Funk & Reggae themes in this rap track along with the casual narration stye rap from Channel Tres that successfully captures and emulates the slow free falling feeling that comes from falling in love with someone for the first time.

The story has made apparent at this point that there's an evident relationship now established between the both of them and they're not fighting what's there. Time, reality, and all sense has been thrown to the wind as they just let go and act on intuitions. Now, depending on what we've heard so far, it's up to the listener to determine the rating of the production, but in no uncertain words they've likely spent some time together and also *ahem* intermingling. With respect to the poetry aspect, I think it's safe to say our love birds have– as Shakespeare would say, "made the beast with two backs." They're in the throes of it now and I love it for them.

6.) Back on 74

The song that got me here in the first place because of the iconic choreography snippet that went crazy on TikTok. It definitely fits the trend, but also with regard to the video, the commitment to the 70's theme in every step of the way: the direction & filmography, production, costume, makeup, hair, and set design to compliment the song and choreography is just *chef's kiss*.

The song itself pivots into a kind of Doo-Wop style with the singer's light voice walking us through a funky groove that feels like a reflecting point as there's a lot of air and openness on the track that makes it feel like an internal thought or memory. I like the simplicity of the song too because it feels like a break from the intensity to really take in what the singer is saying as well. It's like taking small bites of food, you take it all in and unpack it better so it doesn't feel overwhelming all at once.

As for the story, we've reached the inevitable conflict/drama scene. It’s definitely nice to feel vindicated in my interpretation of this music watching this video all the way through as I’m reacting and writing this review. Our MC and Boo have reached a point of turmoil where something has soured in their new relationship. I suspect Boo’s life in the city is catching up with them because both the lyrics and the themes presented in the video don’t read like there was an outside force bearing on the two of them. I won't follow the video's direct storyline, but I’m definitely seated and roped in now mostly because I've watched this (imaginary) couple come to be.

7.) You Ain't No Celebrity

The whimsy has returned!! Though this feels like we've registered into a separate segment of the album entirely, arguably a B-Side. Sonically, this is the most distinct track on the entire album, as I'm not certain what genre this fits into.

From the lyrics and production, I would label this like Funky Alanis Morrissette EDM. Also that switch-up at the end of this song is too groovy, it feels like a reprise to the original, especially considering the chaos in the first section and yet it's a welcomed part of the track.

This is the part of the story where the MC is really tearing through the conflict that’s bubbling between them and Boo now & the tensions are high but the former feelings are what’s making the tensions so intense. There’s madness, hope, frustration, pretenses, and expectations that are all circulating at once. Are they gonna make it? I’m gripping my seat! This may not be the intended story but this is my story now. I’m too deeply rooted into it.

8.) Coming Back

We've began incorporation more of that Tropical Funk from the first half of the album, but I feel like there's a subtle African influence in there too. This feels like progress but also a callback to the first half. Is it a mirror or what's going on here...

There’s been some time and there’s an evident shift/change in both our players but they’re back now to the same forum and approaching the dance with a new style. What will come of it this time, who knows because there’s a touch of history now and still the unresolved tension from before but they’re at least back together in some capacity, whether it’s love or war. What will happen before the clock strikes?

9.) Don't Play

We've got back to the basics in the themes because we've approached the disco again. I feel like I called it, these songs are a different scope of the first set of songs that have a re-imagining of that sonic narrative.

Our lovers are figuring it out! Not exactly the same way as before as the previous rift was likely trauma or bad habits from one of their pasts that cause them to forsake or poorly navigate the new relationship developing before their eyes. Theres hesitation to fall back in but that spark never left, it just got a little to hot to handle at the time. I feel like there's an aspect of the story we're aware of with regard to the time that they're not either paying attention to or talking about and it's giving me a little anxiety.

10.) Every Night

We've got a modern take on what feels like quintessential Disco: the Bee Gees!! There's some latin elements still carrying the background that I think are providing a sense of modernness to the sound because it's not quite "traditional" latin sounds but it's still growing the intrigue.

MC and Boo have made a declaration of affection and desire alas! A new flame blossoming from the spark, or at least a carnal moment of comfort and warmth between them. Yet and still, not a certain resolution to the problems of yore, but at least vulnerability and space to open themselves up to what once was. Our MC and Boo have a road ahead still it seems even if they have reconnected to some degree.

11.) Problemz

Continuing in that modernized Bee Gees style arrangement, there's definitely more of that adventure from before but it's more relaxed now I imagine because we're familiar with and closing out the project. Smooth, clean resolutions make for happier endings.

Our players have found some legs to stand on in their mending relationship. There’s communication and honesty that’s happening now and at the very least enjoyment of each other’s company and an acknowledgement of the troubles that have plagued them, although they’re a work in progress. There’s hope in a future with them but for now they’re making arguably a friendship, which I think works because spring break does end after all.

12.) Good At Breaking Hearts

I love JNR WILLIAMS on here, as his tone expresses the depth of circumstance in the lyrics so beautifully. Like the voice has weight and twang to it that carries the track so far. Also the introduction of what sounds like Sunshine Pop or Beach Music is now a new element that wasn't there before but it still works and doesn't allow me to get comfortable in a nook while listening.

Within the world we've created, ya know, honesty sucks. It seems our MC and Boo are in a particularly precarious position: do they just cut ties now that things are smoothed over from before or just ride the wave out to the shore as they both fear repeating what happened once more. It’s indicative of their care for one another but the care may not carry them through. Plus there's an impending clock on all of this because there is an end in sight.

13.) Palm Trees

Definitely incorporated those Sunshine Pop/Beach Music elements and masterfully pivoted back to the Disco/Funk core of the album to tie it altogether and it felt somewhat seamless because of the environment and background sounds present in the track, especially at the end. Those waves were a great introduction to this song especially with the name and vibe of the song because this would be played on a beach. It set the scene for us so we didn't have to guess how it all fit either.

Fret not readers, the fears and insecurities they were having weren’t enough to cast it all aside. It sounds like they’ve chosen ride the wave, no pun intended, and just enjoy the time they have left together. Maybe even treat it as a new adventure before them with new eyes. The history is safely behind them at this point because enjoying the party before it's over is most important.

14.) Pretty Little Thing

A final funky rap ballad to close the album and wrap up the stories in love. The songs took us through a tale with the lyrics but this song specifically had some of the strongest lyrics which is why I feel like the track was stripped down to the simplest production so you can really hear Bas take us down a reflective recap of what all transpired in the narrative. There was intrigue, passion, turmoil, trepidation, communication, healing, and now calm departure into independence again.

To conclude, our MC's time with Boo is up and our lovers have ran their course. Their future isn’t together in this moment, and that’s okay for the both of them because they have two separate lives to lead for now. They loved and cared for each other & built a memory that will never be forgotten, and who knows— maybe there’s still room for them to come back again someday in the future because in the end it’s all love and it’s not about the destination but the journeys taken & the ride there. They'll always have Spring Break.

Final Thoughts

Actual album review, shenanigans aside: I have no words to describe how in love I am with this body of work. Much like the story I wrote out song to song because I didn’t want to be repetitive and spend each note just singing the praises of the track and losing sight of the actual narrative at play, the album takes you on a journey through love. I gave my own interpretation and visualized it through the lens of a romance novel/film’s plot, but in listening with that perspective, I was able to unveil so many smaller themes within the album.

I find it absolutely fascinating that the music, even when the words weren’t really clear— not talking about diction, referring to the full messaging of each song as they required multiple listens to digest, were still able to speak so declaratively about its basic message in tandem with the other tracks that preceded each song. And much like any good book or film, when it ends, you’re sad it’s over but glad you experienced it & are waiting for the next moment to start it all over to ride that ride once again.

Completely unrelated but um, Jungle if you’re reading this and you want to uh, work with (see: teach) an artist to do what you do, I’m RIGHT HERE!

[mikaelsrose]

ONE SHOT: Princeling

Pairing: Tyril x (MC) Selene AU

Word count: 2800

Warnings: It's a smut, ok? Minors pls dni

A/n: Kinda enemies to lovers to enemies, kinda the result of a kinky thought at 2am. Fantasy politics. Don't read too much into it. Embrace the horny.

Tag list: @cashweasel @brycesgirl @watatsumi-island @sophie-summer @lilyoffandoms (if I forgot about someone I'm really sorry, keeping my taglist up-to-date proved to be impossible with my goldfish memory and the belief that "I'LL REMEMBER I DON'T HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN) @choicesficwriterscreations

He tapped his fingers on the desk nervously, glancing at the clock every few seconds. She was running late. She was never late. His heart pounded at the very thought that the guards caught her, but he immediately reassured himself, thinking that she was a master charmer and a family member of the King's advisor—nobody should question her presence in the palace. Selene knew how to manipulate like nobody else.

Unable to stay in one place, Tyril opened the balcony door, trying to get as much fresh air into the room as possible despite the high humidity. The palace was located in the Valley of the Rhine, overgrown with ever blooming greenery, which only added to the feeble air circulation caused by the tropical climate of the kingdom. He ran a hand through his long hair, wet at the base, and took a deep breath. No use, the air outside was just as still as inside. 

Tyril, with his back against the balcony’s pillar, rubbed his tired eyes. He was being ridiculous. 

"Long day, Prince?"

His head perked up at the sound of her voice.

"Yes. However, we finally got to the pleasurable part," he responded, trying his best to contain the smile that tried to bloom on his face at her sight. “You’re late.”

Selene locked the door, taking her time with the answer, trying to determine the prince’s mood. Having grown up learning his behaviour, two words were enough to decipher what was happening in his mind. He was tired and perhaps still sore after the morning's sword fighting training which, according to a rumour, ended rather badly for the prince. 

She made her way towards him, slowly, gracefully, never breaking eye contact. It was a game, a contest with no particular goal, one that originated almost a decade earlier when she was first officially introduced at the palace as the daughter of Lord Vinsant, a respected and esteemed royal advisor who has been performing his duty for over thirty years. Selene vividly remembered the young prince, standing next to the King, as stiff as a board but smiling impudently, holding her gaze as if looking away equalled death. 

She wrapped her arms around his stomach, veiled by a silk robe. "Mal held me back."

Tyril nodded imperceptibly. 

"Did he ask you to hurry up and give him an answer already?"

"Don't spoil the mood."

The corner of his lips raised slightly, against his will and to hide his discomfort, his palm cupped Selene's face. "You look decent tonight."

She raised her eyebrows, surprised. "Decent? Decent is all I get for standing in the fitting room for three hours?"

"You know no humility."

"I know I deserve more than what you give me."

Tyril swallowed, his gaze slipping to her lips in a futile attempt to end the conversation. Although she meant it in a different context, she was right. She deserved more from him. 

Selene shook her head, changing the subject. 

"Let me take care of you, prince Tyril," she whispered, her lips brushing against his as she spoke. A barely audible "please" left his lips, just seconds before her tongue slid across his lower lip. 

Tyril would never admit what Selene's been aware of for years, the fact that she had him wrapped around her finger. She knew how to press his buttons, how to please him, how to make him believe her wishes and intentions were his own. The day he realised how she's played him, he gave her the best sex of her life. For the next week he was insufferable, bitter and twisted, making everyone's life unbearable, but it was worth it. 

"That must've been painful," mumbling into his lips, she outlined the black bruise on his hip when his pants fell to the ground. Tyril ignored the remark, focusing on undoing the most intricate clasp he'd ever seen. 

"You did that on purpose," he mumbled.

"I like to watch you struggle."

Exasperated, Tyril wasted no time once the dress pooled at their feet—holding her firmly, he lifted her up and slid inside her when her back touched the cold wall. She bit back a moan, and Tyril cursed under his breath. He's waited almost a month to hear a moan coming out of her mouth.

"I'm glad there's still a way to make you stop talking," he panted into her mouth, and his grip on her thighs tightened, making sure to leave a mark. "But that's the wrong moment."

"Let me be the judge of that."

"I won't move until those pretty lips make the sound I want to hear."

"Can you last that long?"

"Can you?"

His hand wandered around her stomach to finally land in the place she wanted him the most, pressing and stroking the swollen nub. Having lost her resolve within seconds, Selene moaned, ready to beg and promise sweet nothings just to make him move.

He smiled defiantly. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" 

His hand, the one that rested between her legs, moved to cup her chin, but she intercepted it, guiding it back there. "It's staying there."

Being a frequent presence at the royal court, Selene knew all the gossip and news, which was made her a dangerous enemy. There was one rumour going around, though, that she could confirm—the royal dick was exquisite, and she found herself lucky to be the only one to have tasted it. 

She felt him leaving a love mark on hear collarbone but at that moment she could not care less, not when his hips did its wonders. The worrying could come later.

"Imagine the scandal if we were spotted," he gasped into her mouth, holding her tight against the wall, buried deep inside her warm core. Despite her best efforts to snap back, tease, anything really, all that left her throat were quiet whimpers. "You're trouble, my darling."

"Even if the news of our affair had spread, you wouldn't have suffered any consequences, Princeling."

"It's a bad fame all the same," he rasped before a particularly deep thrust. "The monarchy cannot be perceived as weak," another thrust. A quiet moan escaped his lips, and his left hand clasped around the base of Selene's throat, applying some pressure. "Do you understand?"

In a pathetic act of desperation, she tightened the grip of her legs around the Prince's waist, forcing him to step even closer, get even deeper. Mewling and squirming, writhing in his embrace, she would agree to anything. He allowed her to try and regain control, with parted, swollen lips and a flush on his cheeks, graciously allowed her to think she had him in her grasp. Feeling the familiar clenching of her muscles around him, Tyril tightened the grasp on her throat, lifting her head with his index finger, forcing her to look him in the eye. 

"I said, do you understand?" 

She nodded profusely, wrapping a hand around his.

"You will not be the fall of me."

"What makes you think I'd do that?"

"I know you, Lady Vinsant, you and your vindictive nature. Don't you dare try to destroy my legacy," he snapped. He felt her nails dig so deep into the skin of his back to draw blood. 

"Your entire legacy is the foundation of an elite whorehouse, Prince Starfury. I'd be afraid to catch the clap by touching the door handle," she stuttered out, panting. "Rest assured, I won't come close."

"You're forgetting your place."

"You're talking too much."

Seizing the opportunity, Selene guided his hand from her throat to her chest, to the part of her that always made his anger evaporate, his favourite toys, or rather stress balls. Having spent so much time with them, he learned to treat them with expert care and what to do to make it the most pleasurable experience for the owner. 

She allowed herself to rest, to let him do all the work, as her head rested against the wall and her embrace weakened slightly. For Tyril it was a sign that she was close, and thank heavens, because he's been trying his best to get her to finish first which was a massive fucking undertaking after a three-week-long abstinence. 

He relished those sinful sounds she made. At that moment, he'd swear those were the best piece of music to have ever been produced. Sober, he'd admitted to himself that the best thing he's ever heard was "You make me feel funny things." She was drunk, and that sentence was the culmination of a long speech about her growing up thinking he was the enemy, in which she implied over and over that she had feelings for him. They never discussed it as she didn't remember, and he wouldn't dare bring it up, but it's been often on his mind.

He did love to make her look like utter mess. A panting, sweaty, flushed mess, begging him to do things no lady should ever say out loud. That he did admit to her. And she took his words to heart.

"That's new," Selene hummed, softly dragging her finger across a long, red scar on his abdomen. Tyril watched her with his head resting against the headboard, calmly taking in the sight of her pink cheeks and the slightly turned-up nose. Having reached over to the night stand, he handed her a glass jar with salve, which she took wordlessly. As she busied herself with applying the cold, sticky mixture on the angry looking skin, Tyril wrapped a streak of her blonde hair around his finger, the only curled one due to high humidity in the valley. 

"A close encounter with a harpy."

"Why do you do that? Why go out into the unknown when you have an army ready to grub up the entire greenery surrounding the castle?"

"For the thrill, I suppose. The castle becomes dull after a while, let alone after almost thirty years," he responded with a shrug, letting go of her hair and taking a look around the spacious chamber. 

Selene raised an eyebrow. "Is that why you let Círdan defeat you this morning?"

"Why do you find it so hard to believe I simply lost this time? Círdan is the teacher, after all—he is supposed to be better than me. Otherwise, he would have nothing to teach me."

Selene snorted. She leaned over him, placing the jar on the night stand, her knee accidentally touching his crotch. 

An innocent smiled stretched on her lips as she saw him clench his jaw. "A harpy wasn't able to defeat you, but Círdan was?"

"Stop talking," he growled. 

She knew. Perhaps she'd known for a long time, and it was him who was oblivious to the obvious. He put himself in dangerous positions just to get a boost of adrenaline, a dangerous tactic, especially practised by an overconfident and stuck up prince. 

"Make me."

There was no foreplay in their case ever. They kept teasing each other, yes, but simply because that's how they preferred to get the deed done. That's why Tyril pushed her legs apart and placed himself between them, almost without a word. "I can go all night, love, but by midnight you'd lose your voice."

"I'm glad you still know your place, prince."

The way this man knew exactly how to please her made question his truthfulness—he swore she was his first, but his skills made him seem to be very much experienced, thus, he was either lying or just that talented. Whichever option it was, Selene was just glad she got to experience that before she died—she doubted anyone would ever make her feel that good again. 

When his hands reached over towards her chest, she knew it was over for her, it always went down the exact same way. His tongue worked relentlessly and excellently, the affirmation of that could probably be heard even by the guards passing by that side of the palace. Infuriatingly enough, he made it a point of honour not to use his fingers, so Selene instructed him to at least be a bit rougher with her breasts. She held a spark of hope when suddenly her legs began to tremble and his hands went back to keep them from strangling him—yet the prince remained ignorant of her shameless pleas. 

The climax was much more intense than they'd both expected, but as Selene lied spent in utter bliss, Tyril couldn't help but feel proud of himself. He left several wet kisses on the inside of her thighs and lazily rolled out of the embrace of her warmest part to lie next to her.

"The match has been made," Tyril spoke up once his breath evened out. Selene hummed against his neck, encouraging him to elaborate, as she took deep breaths, trying to calm down her pounding heart. 

"It's your friend, Lady Ade—"

"Who made that call?"

He swallowed, rapidly thinking of all the possible outcomes of this conversation. Perhaps he made a mistake by bringing up that subject.

"The King."

She nodded. The most important task now was to convince herself it was better that way.

"What about you? Have you made the decision yet? You can't keep them waiting, Selene, unless your plan is for them to give you up," he murmured, tenderly stroking her back. "You have to accept a suitor."

"I'm good."

He sighed. Tyril knew she waited for him to take matters into his own hands and choose her, to stand up to his father, to rule the land in a way that would bring prosperity and calmness. Meanwhile, she was right, his only achievement was founding a high quality house of ill repute. 

"I can't give you what you desire, my darling."

She propped her head on one hand, the other she rested on his cheek, stroking it tenderly. A smile stretched on her lips at the similarity of his eyes to the ocean she's seen recently. Calm, peaceful, yet hiding unbounded amounts of power, rage, and destruction. Instead of saying, "I know," she licked her lower lip and kissed him, slowly and tenderly, relishing in the feeling of his tongue against hers. "Be good to her, Tyril," she whispered instead, and untangled herself from his embrace. 

Tyril suddenly felt overwhelmed by the spreading panic as he watched her dress herself and approach the door. 

"It pains me to think of you with someone else, but it has to be done. You were never mine, I don't have the right to ask you to stay."

"I was yours over and over again," she mumbled. "All you had to do was speak up–"

"It wouldn't have changed anything, Selene. Your knowledge of the power relations in the palace is faulty. As long as the King reigns, no one in his family has the right to decide for themselves."

"And Adeline, of all people," she continued, fighting with the zip of her dress. Murmuring to herself, she collected her belongings, careful not to forget anything since she was probably never coming back there. She halted her actions when she'd realised Tyril became quiet a while ago. Suspiciously quiet. She came closer to him, searching for an answer in his profile. For the first time, he didn't dare look her in the eye, and that very fact made her feel a pit in her stomach. Thinking of all their encounters, of her audiences with the Royal Family, balls and trainings, she couldn't come up with the reason for his behaviour. 

"Her father is a very influential man–"

"No," she snapped. "Don't you dare lie to me now. Look at me."

It was unusual to see the prince so uncomfortable. In a different situation, she'd gloat. Now she had to stop herself from clenching her hand on his jaw and crushing that spoilt pretty face. 

"It was a decade ago. It was her mother who spread the rumours about you," he said low, his gaze dropping to her clenched jaw. "You've been out of the competition since then. That was the cost of your father retaining his position. A marriage with you would weaken us."

His hand itched to wipe the tear that rolled down her rosy cheek. 

"You used me," she hissed through gritted teeth. "I've come here every week for a year. We've known each other since we were children," she blinked, trying to get rid of the tears gathering in her eyes. She felt her body shaking with rage and desperation. He betrayed her. "You've known and didn't think of telling me. Instead, you watched me abase myself before you and–"

"Don't pretend that you didn't come here out of your own volition to get properly fucked–”

Slap. Tyril snorted.

"I've never regretted not having a knife in my hand as much as I do right now."

"If you want to make me the villain, go ahead. You're in no position to actually hurt me."

Selene shook his head in disbelief. Was it a game for game since the very beginning? It certainly didn't feel so at the moment, but perhaps he was just that good of a manipulator. More than at him, she was angry with herself for actually believing he was different from what everyone around her said.

"Watch your back, Princeling."

[lyxthen]

Also extremely happy for Villanous like NATIONAL PRIDE BABY WE DID IT WE ARE PLAYING WITH THE BIG BOYS!!!

And honestly just the fact that Pixelatl is hosted in Mexico and that people like Alex Hirsch and Dana Terrace and of course our favorite uncle Memo Totoro (he's from here ofc but it's worth mentioning because dude has a TWO FUCKING OSCARS ARE YOU KIDDING) have been here and given talks and all that.

Also shoutout to Las Leyendas, incredibly underrated show, I think it is genuinely really good? It's not like, Adventure Time, or any of the big names you have probably heard of, but it *is* story driven, and the story is good, and I am angry it didn't get a second season because Netflix es un puto pedazo de mierda y merece arder en los mil infiernos But. That's a topic for another day.

I feel like a lot of Mexican animation is just not fit for a wider audience precisely because of how Mexican it is. Like, Una Película de Huevos would NOT make sense to an American, you'd have to perform some amazing translation gymnastics to even get the *title* right. And also because of some racially insensitive shit with Chocolate Egg (I love him so much and he's awesome and I know it wasn't created with ill intent but that is certainly A Design Choice and like can you judge them this started as an indie animation series in fucking newgrounds). BUT LIKE, IF YOU GET PAST THAT I SWEAR ITS GOOD. BUT YOU REALLY HAVE TO KNOW SPANISH.

I feel like Las Leyendas is a lot more approachable to a theoretical international audience, even if La Leyenda de la Nahuala has animation that has not aged good at all, the other ones are a bit more solid. Yes, it is based on Mexican myths and history, and specifically in the colonial era. But I wouldn't see it as a barrier.

My personal favourite from my childhood was Nixtlé. I don't think it's based in any particular myth, and since the movie is supposed to be taking place in olmec times I feel they had a lot more freedom in terms of making shit up (context: we don't know a lot about the olmecs because they are an actually dead civilization, and were so long before European arrival. We just know they were the first people to arrive to mesoamerica and are thus related to modern indigenous peoples and cultures).

Anyway the movie is OK like nothing out of this world but it bears a place in my heart, specially because of the "bussiness" scene which is just, the absolute ridicule reality bureaucracy. It's so funny. And at least the main recurring joke (la ramita de tenmiacá, or the holdon branch) is easy to translate.

Other movies off the top of my head include the Topcat movie because anima studios manage to get the rights to the Hanna Barbera cartoon somehow, Marcianos VS Mexicanos which I hear is just an avarage adult comedy (but yk, made for a Mexican audience) and Pinocchio (NOT a Mexican movie, but the director is Mexican and how can you not be proud). Honorable mentions to every anime ever made, the Shreck movies, The Simpsons, and all the cartoons made Certified Mexican by the efforts of the voice actors.

Also love how Puss in Boots has half the same actors in Spanish and English AND it includes a variety of Spanish accents like Argentinian fucking goldocks I love her she is everything to me.

I totally forgot Ana y Bruno. Traumacore. Silly child-friendly shenanigans in the psych ward. The tonal whiplash of this movie is insane. It spent decades in development and you can clearly see the issues but it was also made with so much love. It made no money at all and if no one archives it it's gonna become lost media.

Hmmmm mmmmm mmm shit I should go to sleep

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[posi-pan]

mspec people who “technically could identify as bi” but don’t and are shamed, guilted, and vilified for it: you are not biphobic for not identifying as bi, for not feeling that “this is me” feeling about bi, for liking other labels more than bi, for not choosing your label based on what others what you to use.

claiming we should identify as bi because we “fit” a definition is a fundamental misunderstanding of how identity labels work. labels are not determined and defined for us. we choose our own labels and we define our own labels. we use labels to express ourselves, which others don’t get a say in; start conversations with, based on our experiences; build communities with, with others like us. they are ever-growing and everchanging.

people who explain their attraction in the same way could use different labels, and vice versa. gay men have always had different terms based on parts of their identity that they felt were important enough to need its own term. there was never a time when bi was an automatic, mandatory label for being mspec.

because identity labels are personal and self-identification is more important than shoving everyone into boxes based on definitions other people determined.

something that’s worth remembering is the bisexual community has been accepting and welcoming other mspec labels for decades:

Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual Speak Out: “Pansexual people have been actively involved in the bisexual community since the 1970s.”

Bi Women Quarterly, 1984: “Some felt that labels were restrictive, that they lived a bisexual lifestyle but did not refer to themselves as bisexuals.”

Bisexuality: a reader and sourcebook by Thomas Geller, 1990: “Personally, I believe first and foremost in the right to claim one’s own identity and be recognized in terms of that identity: the right of each creature to name itself.”

Bisexual Manifesto, Anything That Moves #1, 1991: “Many of us choose not to label ourselves anything at all, and find the word ‘bisexual’ to be inadequate and too limiting.”

Closer to Home: Bisexuality & Feminism, 1992: “Rather than try to define each other out of existence, we need to accept that we aren’t all the same.”

Closer To Home by Elizabeth Reba Weise, Anything That Moves #4, 1992: “As Margaret Mihee Chloe points out in her essay, ‘identity is that which makes one recognizable to self and other.’ The plurality of names, and the combinations used, are all attempts in our clumsy and woman-wordless language, to create this identity, to make ourselves recognizable.”

A Bisexual Feminist Perspective by Liz Highleyman, 1993: “When I think of queer anarchism, I think of breaking down the strict boundaries constructed between the categories of sexuality. So, I guess I think of bisexuality, omnisexuality, pansexuality as being more ‘anarchist’ that strict homosexuality or heterosexuality.”

Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions by Naomi S. Tucker, 1995: “how we make sense of the world and live our lives as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, multisexual, 'just sexual,’ androgynous, genderfucked, bi-gendered, non-gendered, gender-indifferent, or 'don’t label me’ human beings seeking to create communities with those with whom we find common cause, even (or maybe especially!) if our labels don’t happen to coincide.”

Anything That Moves #11, 1996: “Call For Submissions: ATM is particularly interested in work by bi/pan/or-similar-sexuals.”

Labelous Statements by Anne Killpack, Anything That Moves #19, 1999: “Whether you call yourself bisexual, polysexual, multisexual, pansexual, me-sexual or refuse to be labeled altogether, if you are like me and find people attractive regardless of their sex or gender, then we need you.”

Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World edited by Robyn Ochs, 2005: “Some identify as queer, pansexual, or omnisexual. Some deliberately use labels strategically, identifying differently in different social contexts. And some eschew labels altogether. We considered subtitling this book Voices of Bisexuals and Other Folks Along the Sexuality Spectrum, recognizing that the word bisexual cannot possibly encompass all whose identities challenge the binaries of gay and straight.”

Not Bisexual Enough? by Tracy, Bi Women Quarterly, 2009: “The following people, while one could technically label them as ‘bisexual,’ have vastly diverse experiences that need to be acknowledged: ‘lesbians’ who have sex with men, ‘straight women’ who are turned on by girl-on-girl porn, people who are mostly attracted to the same sex, people who are mostly attracted to the opposite sex, those who are attracted to people ‘regardless of gender,’ and so many more. Clearly, there is a demand for many more labels."

“What’s in a Name: Call Me Bisexual or Call Me..” by Ellyn Ruthstrom, Bi Women Quarterly, 2009: “Whether we call ourselves bisexual or queer or omnisexual or any other word, we hope to keep our community strong and vibrant for many years to come. I was very cheered by the discussion in the workshop and the way that people expressed feeling a connection to each other, despite the different terms.”

and lastly, a quote from The Bisexual Index: “We don't think everyone who is sexually attracted to more than one gender needs to identify as bisexual. Why think outside the gay/straight box only to insist there has to be a limit on how many more boxes there is?”

so if people ever (try to) make you feel down or bad about being mspec and not identifying as bi, please remember that the history of not only the bisexual community, but the overall queer community as well, is on your side.

[vvivacious101]

Peace was never an option.

I’m so fucking blind.

So, on a random day, I was sitting in the mess waiting to have lunch and the TV was turned on to a movie and the movie was X-men Apocalypse and I think we started a little before the scene wherein Charles finds Erik telepathically.

So, I was sitting there and I wasn’t really invested because I had already seen the movie and if I remember correctly I watched it in theatre with my friend while I was in college and since, the movie was released in May of 2016 it fits chronologically. Anyhow, I am in the mess sitting, half-watching when the scene that comes on just completely captures my attention. It’s weird for me to be so invested when I am sitting so far back in a room with spectators but even though things were far from favourable the scene hit me hard and completely captured my imagination.

It’s Charles and he’s talking to Erik and this is just before Apocalypse realises that Charles is exactly who he needs to rule the world. So, it’s basically Charles talking about Erik’s pain and loss and how sorry he is for him and how he wants him to come to him so that he can help him and the thing is Charles is crying. And that tear is an enigma all on its own because since I hadn’t seen the scene in which Erik’s family dies, I just had to assume that whatever Charles saw was traumatic as hell but the fact remains that when Charles is looking into Erik’s head, Erik isn’t crying but Charles is. So, it’s his love and empathy that is reflected in his tears and it’s literally a manifestation of how much he feels for Erik that he feels his pain this intimately and you could hear the glass shatter in my head. Because, this scene was so powerful even out of context and it’s literally so symbolic of what their relationship is like and just how intimate it is. I also love the fact that Erik just knows it’s Charles, it’s ostentatiously been a decade since Charles last entered Erik’s head but Erik still knows.

Anyhow, the moral of that story was that ever since then I fell down the Cherik rabbit hole and I have now made it my home.

I am obsessed with these two and their relationship, it’s so complicated but so powerful. These two couldn’t be more different ideologically yet they just fit, they are an amazing team and when they work together they can do anything.

All these feelings prompted a re-watch of the movies starting with Days of Future Past, Apocalypse, Dark Phoenix and ending with First Class. First Class is an amazing movie and I learned quite a lot on this re-watch. I feel like if the only thing I got out of this obsession was learning about “their beach divorce” then it was worth it but there are also two scenes from the movie that really stand out to me. One is the “Peace was never an option.” scene and the other is the scene on the beach just before the divorce which is the “I have been at the mercy of men just following orders. Never again.” Simply Iconic.

The beach divorce is everything, it’s also accurate. But, I keep going back to Shaw’s death that scene is picturised so well, you can feel Charles’ pain and I always wonder if Erik realises what he did, if he ever gave a thought to just what he put Charles through. Erik is in the throes of vengeance and now that he’s picked up the helmet he’s cut off from Charles and I think he actually doesn’t realise what is happening on Charles’ end and it would be something if he ever realises that he made Charles suffer a death fitting for his worst enemy. God! The implications!!

The other scenes I really like feat. Cherik is the ending of Dark Phoenix and that scene in Days of Future Past (a movie that made considerably less sense on the re-watch) wherein Charles goes like, I’m not very good with violence only to come face to face with Erik and punch the living daylights out of him. Despite the obvious humour of it, it’s amazing to see how much emotion Charles has managed to hold on to when it comes to Erik, someone who has been locked up for a decade.

These two just might be the death of me!

So, just to give you an idea of how far I have fallen I wrote this on July 15 when I was on the so called peak of my obsession and it’s Aug 6 as I post this and I’m still obsessed this might just end up being a lifelong thing.

[books-letstalkaboutem]

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue Quotes that I Loved

This is just a list of quotes or excerpts that I highlighted while reading the book- literally all of them and there are a lot. I’m going to go ahead and say spoilers below just because there are so many quotes and while I don’t think the quotes actually spoil anything, I don’t want to accidentally spoil something for someone.

Some of the quotes might seem a little weird out of context but these are quotes that hit close to home, made me say “Hell, yeah, Addie!!!", quotes that made me laugh, and then basically all of the other quotes that I loved while reading.

I know that I didn't completely fall in love with this book like so many other people did, but it was still so beautifully written and there were so many amazing quotes in this book.

And just a heads up, I read this on my kindle, just in case the page numbers I list don’t match with your copy of the book.

Spoilers Below:

Quotes that Hit Close to Home

“Three and twenty, a third of a life already buried.” Page 39

“The day passes like a sentence. The sun falls like a scythe.” Page 41

“[...] and when she dies it will be as though she never lived.” Page 42

“I am so tired of not having choices, so scared of the years rushing past beneath my feet. I do not want to die as I’ve lived, which is no life at all. I—” Page 46

“[...] she swears sometimes her memory runs forward as well as back, unspooling to show the roads she’ll never get to travel. But that way lies madness, and she has learned not to follow.” Page 61

“His parents meant well, of course, but they always told him things like Cheer up, or It will get better, or worse, It’s not that bad, which is easy to say when you’ve never had a day of rain.” Page 97

“But then a night would go long, and a day would start late, and now he feels like there’s no time at all. Like he is always late for something.” Page 119

““I see someone who cares,” she says slowly. “Perhaps too much. Who feels too much. I see someone lost, and hungry. The kind of person who feels like they’re wasting away in a world full of food, because they can’t decide what they want.”” Page 140

““Life is so brief, and every night in Rennes I’d go to bed, and lie awake, and think, there is another day behind me, and who knows how few ahead.”” Page 167

““I mean feeling like it’s surging by so fast, and you try to reach out and grab it, you try to hold on, but it just keeps rushing away. And every second, there’s a little less time, and a little less air, and sometimes when I’m sitting still, I start to think about it, and when I think about it, I can’t breathe. I have to get up. I have to move.”” Page 177

““Small places make for small lives. And some people are fine with that. They like knowing where to put their feet. But if you only walk in other people’s steps, you cannot make your own way. You cannot leave a mark.”” Page 179

“It was such a lovely jar she had kept them in. But the glass is cracking now. The water leaking through.” Page 215

“Moments of joy register as brief, but ecstatic. Moments of pain stretch long and unbearably loud.” Page 225

“[...] you’ve never felt called to any one thing. There is no violent push in one direction, but a softer nudge a hundred different ways, and now all of them feel out of reach. Page 226

“[...] in wanting to live, to learn, to find yourself, you’ve gotten lost.” Page 226

“He lets it ring, holds his breath until it stops. He tells himself that if they call again, he’ll answer. If they call again, he’ll tell them he is not okay. But the phone doesn’t ring a second time.” Page 229

“He misses the structure, misses the path, misses the purpose. And maybe it wasn’t a perfect fit, but nothing is.” Page 257

“That he’d blinked and somehow years had gone by, and everyone else had carved their trenches, paved their paths, and he was still standing in a field, uncertain where to dig.” Page 283

“And those first two years, he was happy. He had Bea, and Robbie, and all he had to do was learn. Build a foundation. It was the house, the one that he was supposed to build on top of that smooth surface, that was the problem. It was just so … permanent.” 283

“Choosing a class became choosing a discipline, and choosing a discipline became choosing a career, and choosing a career became choosing a life, and how was anyone supposed to do that, when you only had one?” Page 283

““The vexing thing about time,” he says, “is that it’s never enough. Perhaps a decade too short, perhaps a moment. But a life always ends too soon.”” Page 333

“He is all restless energy, and urgent need, and there isn’t enough time, and he knows of course that there will never be. That time always ends a second before you’re ready. That life is the minutes you want minus one.” Page 421

“The world is wide, and he’s seen so little of it with his own eyes. He wants to travel, to take photos, listen to other people’s stories, maybe make some of his own. After all, life seems very long sometimes, but he knows it will go so fast, and he doesn’t want to miss a moment.” Page 438

Quotes that Made Me Laugh

“Henry loves his sister, he does. But Muriel’s always been like strong perfume. Better in small doses. And at a distance.” Page 120

““Sorry, Book,” she mutters, lifting the cat gingerly onto the back of the old chair, where he does his best impression of an inconvenienced bread loaf.” Page 248

““It’s Halloween!” defends Robbie. “It’s the twenty-third,” says Henry, but Robbie treats holidays the way he treats birthdays, stretching them from days into weeks, and sometimes into seasons.” Page 274

Quotes that made me say “Hell, yeah, Addie!!!”

“If she must grow roots, she would rather be left to flourish wild instead of pruned, would rather stand alone, allowed to grow beneath the open sky. Better that than firewood, cut down just to burn in someone else’s hearth.” Page 31

“[...]from this moment forward, her life will be her own.” Page 48

“There is a defiance in being a dreamer.” Page 117

““It has only been two years,” she says. “Think of all the time I have, and all the things I’ll see.”” Page 132

“It will take time, but time is the one thing Addie has plenty of. So she opens her eyes, and starts again.” Page 192

“But then Addie straightens, lifts her chin, smiles with an almost defiant kind of joy. “But isn’t it wonderful,” she says, “to be an idea?”” Page 261

Quotes that I Love

“[...] never pray to the gods that answer after dark.” Page 7

“What is a person, if not the marks they leave behind?” Page 15

“The things that last, even when memories don’t.” Page 16

“As if you couldn’t like one place and want to see another.” Page 23

“Books, she has found, are a way to live a thousand lives—or to find strength in a very long one.” Page 35

“The kind of place where time slips and blurs, where a month, a year, a life can go missing.” Page 39

“[...] attraction can look an awful lot like recognition in the wrong light.” Page 56

“The rise isn’t worth the fall.” Page 56

“Being trapped, buried alive, these are the things that scare you when you cannot die.” Page 57

“Funny, how some people take an age to warm, and others simply walk into every room as if it’s home.” Page 58

“Déjà vu. Déjà su. Déjà vécu. Already seen. Already known. Already lived.” Page 66

“[...]a lifetime of knowing brushed away like a tear.” Page 73

“[...] and it is sad, of course, to forget. But it is a lonely thing, to be forgotten. To remember when no one else does.” Page 77

“[...] ideas are so much wilder than memories, that they long and look for ways of taking root.” Page 77

““These days, everyone’s looking down,” muses Sam. “It’s nice to see someone looking up.”” Page 101

“Being forgotten, she thinks, is a bit like going mad. You begin to wonder what is real, if you are real. After all, how can a thing be real if it cannot be remembered?” Page 103

“If a person cannot leave a mark, do they exist?” Page 103

“Dreamer is too soft a word. It conjures thoughts of silken sleep, of lazy days in fields of tall grass, of charcoal smudges on soft parchment.” Page 11

“She considers the cut of their clothes, the absence of bone stays or bustled skirts, and thinks, not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, how much simpler it would be to be a man, how easily they move through the world, and at such little cost.” Page 129

““I remember you.”” Page 135

“The darkness claimed he’d given her freedom, but really, there is no such thing for a woman, not in a world where they are bound up inside their clothes, and sealed inside their homes, a world where only men are given leave to roam.” Page 163

“She watches these men and wonders anew at how open the world is to them, how easy the thresholds.” Page 165

““I think there are many ways to matter.”” Page 179

“But ideas are so much wilder than memories, so much faster to take root.”” Page 210

“He is full of roots, while she has only branches.” Page 212

“Easy to stay on the path when the road is straight and the steps are numbered.” Page 229

“Outside the window, the day just carries on as if nothing’s changed, but it feels like everything has, because Addie LaRue is immortal, and Henry Strauss is damned.” Page 235

“[...]I didn’t want to live forever. I just wanted to live.”” Page 236

““There’s this family photo,” he says, “not the one in the hall, this other one, from back when I was six or seven. That day was awful. Muriel put gum in David’s book and I had a cold, and my parents were fighting right up until the flash went off. And in the photo, we all look so … happy. I remember seeing that picture and realizing that photographs weren’t real. There’s no context, just the illusion that you’re showing a snapshot of a life, but life isn’t snapshots, it’s fluid. So photos are like fictions. I loved that about them. Everyone thinks photography is truth, but it’s just a very convincing lie.”” Page 239

“God, it feels good to be wanted.” Page 256

“[...] And ideas are wilder than memories. They’re like weeds, always finding their way up.”” Page 261

“Homesick—Henry knows that one is supposed to mean sick for home, not from it, but it still feels right.” Page 262

“Dressing up, he thinks, is just like watching cartoons, something you enjoyed as a kid, before it passes through the no man’s land of teen angst, the ironic age of early twenties. And then somehow, miraculously, it crosses back into the realm of the genuine, the nostalgic. A place reserved for wonder.” Page 274

“Bea always says returning to campus is like coming home. But it doesn’t feel that way to Henry. Then again, he never felt at home at home, only a vague sense of dread, the eggshell-laden walk of someone constantly in danger of disappointing.” 282

“He doesn’t know what he believes, hasn’t for a long time, but it’s hard to entirely discount the presence of a higher power when he recently sold his soul to a lower one.” Page 284

““You can’t make people love you, Hen. If it’s not a choice, it isn’t real.”” Page 290

“He has asked the wrong god for the wrong thing, and now he is enough because he is nothing. He is perfect, because he isn’t there.” Page 290

“A life reduced to a block of stone, a patch of grass.” Page 299

“The present folding on top of the past instead of erasing it, replacing it.” Page 306

“She knows the paint will fade, rinsed off by a puddle, or simply wiped away by time, but that’s how memories are supposed to work. There—and then, little by little, gone.” Page 307

“Without the bells, the organ, the bodies crowding in for services, the church feels abandoned. Less a house of worship and more a tomb.” Page 311

“God is so large, why build walls to hold Him in?” Page 311

“Once you know about a thing, you start to see it everywhere. Someone says the words purple elephant, and all of a sudden, you catch sight of them in shop windows and on T-shirts, stuffed animals and billboards, and you wonder how you never noticed.” Page 314

“There is a freedom, after all, in being forgotten.” 325

“Memories are stiff, but thoughts are freer things. They throw out roots, they spread and tangle, and come untethered from their source. They are clever, and stubborn, and perhaps—perhaps—they are in reach.” Page 327

“They’ve been lucky, so lucky, but the trouble with luck is that it always ends.” 329

““You said it yourself, Luc. Ideas are wilder than memories. And I can be wild. I can be stubborn as the weeds, and you will not root me out. And I think you are glad of it. I think that’s why you’ve come, because you are lonely, too.”” Page 332

“She closes her eyes, reminds herself there are many ways to leave a mark, reminds herself that pictures lie.” Page 337

“She may not feel the years weakening her bones, her body going brittle with age, but the weariness is a physical thing, like rot, inside her soul. There are days when she mourns the prospect of another year, another decade, another century. There are nights when she cannot sleep, moments when she lies awake and dreams of dying. But then she wakes, and sees the pink and orange dawn against the clouds, or hears the lament of a lone fiddle, the music and the melody, and remembers there is such beauty in the world. And she does not want to miss it— any of it.” Page 342

“Luc’s smile darkens. “Because time is cruel to all, and crueler still to artists. Because vision weakens, and voices wither, and talent fades.” He leans close, twists a lock of her hair around one finger. “Because happiness is brief, and history is lasting, and in the end,” he says, “everyone wants to be remembered.”” Page 351

“It is a sign, when even gods and devils dread a fight.” Page 367

“And this, he decides, is what a good-bye should be. Not a period, but an ellipsis, a statement trailing off, until someone is there to pick it up. It is a door left open. It is drifting off to sleep.” Page 419

[soranis-sunshadow]

Why Hordak and all of his brothers are cult victims suffering from Religious Trauma Syndrome

A detailed (and very, very, veeeeryy long) explanation on why I take issue with dismissing Hordak’s trauma as “daddy issues” that is frequently done as a way to hand wave his background and the context for his actions all while attributing said cultic abuse and indoctrination narrative to a character that, though has a tragic, abuse-laden past has never actually been part of a cult. *cough* Catra *cough*

Lets see how deep the rabit hole goes shall we?

First off: The Galactic Horde is based on a suicide cult, with Horde Prime as its leader.  

That is irrefutable fact. It has been stated by the show runner and there are plenty of in-show examples of religious speak, religious themes pertaining to Horde Prime and his acolytes and even the interior design of Horde Prime’s ship is that of a grandiose Cathedral.

The source of this is an article by Polygon where the show runner breaks down what went into creating Horde Prime. (link in the notes)

Onto The Etherian Horde – though totalitarian in nature, it is not a religious institution – merely a military operation. Though the argument could be made that propaganda is used to instill an anti-princess agenda, no horde members are ever seen spouting doctrine or discrimination against their very own Princess in the ranks – Scorpia. Not only is she not discriminated against, she holds the rank of Force Captain. She also has the respect of her peers.

The only person that seemed to have taken it seriously is Adora, who - due to Shadow Weaver’s personal attention – has been raised with the specific mindset of a self-sacrificing martyr. After learning of the fact that Shadow Weaver has always known about the Heart of Etheria, it is not a huge leap to assume that in her bid for more power, her plan had always been to have Adora unleash the planet’s magic, possibly sacrificing herself in the process. Shadow Weaver had groomed her for this specific purpose.  (It’s one of the reasons for which the subject of Adora’s martyrdom hurts Catra so deeply –she had been witness to the manipulation taking place but was powerless to do anything about it for most of her life)

The other cadets are more well-adjusted and don’t seem to care much about the horde’s ideology or goals, not even Catra who has suffered the brunt of Shadow Weaver’s psychological and physical abuse and has been subjected to her manipulation too.  

The above exchange proves that even if there had been any indoctrination in The Etherian Horde, it has failed in affecting Catra’s judgment. I am legitimately surprised on how little credit her own fans give her and on how her perceptiveness and intellect is dismissed to have her fit into this “brainwashed victim“ agenda for more “sympathy points”.

With that having been said I’ll start this off with a bit of a definition: Religious Trauma Syndrome is a common experience shared among many who have escaped cults, fundamentalist religious groups, abusive religious settings, or other painful experiences with religion.

The symptoms of Religious Trauma Syndrome are comparable to the symptoms of complex PTSD. The symptoms are as follows.

(link in the notes)

I will discuss all of the symptoms and causes by turn and expand upon them.

1)      Cognitive: Confusion, poor critical thinking ability, difficulty with decision-making,

negative beliefs about self-ability & self-worth, black & white thinking, perfectionism,

Hordak’s whole misguided crusade on Etheria is an act of confusion. What on green Earth had ever convinced him that it would work in proving his worth to Prime? Hordak had been confused on the reason of his rejection, self-delusional even.  Hear me out:

Despite what Hordak himself believes, he wasn’t excommunicated because he was useless, he was abandoned for being born defective, aka for existing as he was created.

His inborn defect, by nature of being an unchangeable fact was not something that he could overcome in order to earn back the acceptance of his Maker. To a certain degree, he was aware of this but had refused to acknowledge it and as such, he has framed it to himself as “his defect makes him worthless”.

By overcoming uselessness and proving his competence in furthering Prime’s goals, he had convinced himself that he would be welcome back into his brother’s flock.

He had convinced himself that by proving his usefulness, it would erase his defect. He had given himself a reason for rejection that, unlike an inborn one, could be overcome - worthlessness.  His logic being that Worthless=Defective, if he were useful, he wouldn’t be defective anymore.

He has framed his accidental stranding on Etheria as a trial of faith, not a chance at freedom or bid for power and self-actualization.

In his confused reasoning, he had not realized that by attempting to prove his worth to Horde Prime, he would be in essence, proving that Prime had been mistaken about his deficiency. This was anathema to Horde Prime’s own doctrine – that Prime is all knowing, all powerful and Horde Prime is Never Wrong. His attempts were always destined to fail from the start, the premise was flawed at the core but Hordak’s own wishful thinking prevented him from seeing the fault in his mission.

This is how Hordak sees himself:

This defect => useless => worthless mentality can be observed when he projects onto Catra. I swear, everyone projects onto everyone else in this series.

This is an example of him emulating the only leadership he’s ever known  - that of Horde Prime and exerting Prime’s judgment over a supplicant or Prime – In this case Catra (what Prime would have done to him in the same situation). He imitates Prime’s way of speaking and even his facial expression during Prime’s “speeches” (look at position of his ears in this scene and that little dimple damnit!!!)

(yes, *sigh* I did a spacebat ear position diagram)

Horde Prime has that ear position even when possessing his little brothers to give his grandiose speeches:

Hordak’s and other little brother’s “default” ear position:

It’s worth adding that perfectionism is not only part of a symptom of his cult trauma but also a tenant of Prime’s doctrine making it a double whammy.

2). Emotional: Depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loneliness, difficulty with pleasure, loss of meaning

As they say, a picture says a thousand words…

To call Hordak depressed is like calling the ocean mildly humid.

He is alone, on a planet of primitive aliens (from his perspective) surrounded by potential enemies and in an incredibly vulnerable position due to his illness with no clear end to any of it in sight. He feels nothing for this world other than irritation at his inability to leave it. His only meaning and purpose is returning to his congregation, a purpose he is no closer to fulfilling than he was when he had started a few decades ago. The only open displays of emotion he manifests are that of anger, self-loathing., frustration, fear – in the blanket scene before he comes to his senses completely and starts masking the fear with anger… at the blanket… there was nothing else in the room to be angry at… ridiculous spacebat.

After Catra deceives him about Entrapta, he openly manifests grief and apathy as well.

3).   Social: Loss of social network, family rupture, social awkwardness, behind schedule on developmental tasks, sexual difficulty (no snu snu for religiously repressed spacebats... yet  *wink wink*)  

This one is self-explanatory.  He is in essence an exile on Etheria, away from all he has ever known. He is the only one of his kind on the planet, even Imp - his attempt at replication is not a proper replacement for the community provided by the Hive mind.

From a social perspective- he is a recluse and is not seen interacting with anyone in anything but a “professional “ manner.  The only exception to this is Entrapta’s interaction to him. Due to her indifference to his posturing, she is immune to his attempts at self-isolation. “Get out!” and vague threats of reprimands don’t work on her. Their shared interest in science allows Entrapta to force the interaction on him. (At least in the beginning of their collaboration)

Later, after having become accustomed to Entrapta’s companionship and having that ripped away, he tries to form a connection – at least of commiseration – with Catra:

 Even after she did this to him:

he still tried to form a connection through their shared need to prove their own worth.  

Did you catch that little detail? : “Victory is ours” not “mine”.

4.) Cultural: Unfamiliarity with secular world; “fish out of water” feelings, difficulty belonging, information gaps (e.g. evolution, modern art, music)

…                                

Do I really need to expand on this one? *Sigh* … he is literally an alien to this world, “fish out of water” would be an understatement.

 As we have established, he fits the bill of Religious Trauma Syndrome to a T. He presents all of the symptoms.

Now let’s move onto the causes of it:

 1). Suppression of normal child development – cognitive, social, emotional, moral stages are arrested

This one is self-explanatory. The horde clones and by extension Hordak are severely stunted in their psychological development and that is by design. They are deliberately kept from developing an adult mentality so as to never become a threat to Horde Prime or ever be able to break away from his control. Prime keeps them in a child-like dependency on him as a way to exert his power over them.  Should they ever develop even a budding sense of self, their indoctrination compels them to submit to correction and erasure ensuring that they never surpass this state of learned helplessness. Horde Prime encourages this self-flagellating behavior, deeming it a mercy, even a favor to be granted – to suffer in His Name.

Hordak shows almost no emotional coping mechanisms and manifests child-like tantrums of frustration as an only outlet for his emotions throughout the show. He attempts to hide any other attempt at emotion, with differing degrees of success.

Wrong Hordak is emotionally unstable and is prone to fits of crying. (However, due to the comedic fashion in which his arc is written, I suppose that this could be taken with a grain of salt)

The clones are not only prevented from growing and maturing mentally, they are also robbed of childhoods –having been born in adult bodies and with the necessary knowledge to serve Prime literally programmed into them so as to make them able to serve efficiently from their first breath. As such, they are robbed of their formative years where one individual grows and develops naturally. Those precious experiences are replaced by Horde Prime’s literal programming through the hardware they have installed in their bodies to facilitate Horde Prime’s control over them (without their consent).  In essence, they are a people born pre-”chipped”

Regardless of their actual age, and despite the fact that they are intelligent, capable and responsible individuals, I see the clones as having the emotional maturity of toddlers.

They never had the chance to develop any emotional coping skills, they were never allowed to have emotions to begin with.

2). Damage to normal thinking and feeling abilities -information is limited and controlled; dysfunctional beliefs taught; independent thinking condemned; feelings condemned

This is The Galactic Horde’s core belief:

Along with:

Incidentally, Hordak does his version of this speech trying to puff himself up in front of his soldiers… buuut Catra pushes the Failure button and that snaps him out of his little Prime impersonation moment.  

More dysfunctional beliefs:

Condemnation of independent thinking:

Results in this:

No further explanations are necessary…

3). External locus of control – knowledge is revealed, not discovered; hierarchy of authority enforced; self not a reliable or good source

Prime exerts his dominance throughout S5 by force,

and coercion:    

He is even petty and vindictive enough to force himself into Hordak immediately after his speech and to kill Entrapta with Hordak’s own body.

As for the self not being a reliable narrator… Hordak believed this about his former position.

He is not prone to exaggeration or deception being woefully incompetent in the latter – both perpetrating and spotting it.  We have to assume that this is the way he saw his position in the Galactic Horde.

Season 5 revealed that all of the clones are equally disposable and interchangeable, there are no ranks. They are all equal tools whose sole purpose is furthering Horde Prime’s agenda. Horde Prime has no need for generals or delegating since he is able to inhabit his little brothers and be in more than one place at the same time. Hordak’s job in S5 was that of hall monitor and planetary acquisitions guy…

@cruelfeline​ goes into detail about the dissonance between what Hordak believes and what is actually his position in The Galactic Horde. A link to it is in the notes because Tumblr is being fussy. 

4.) Physical and sexual abuse – patriarchal power; unhealthy sexual views; punishment used as for discipline

Some people have seen this, ugh… form of penetration… ugh again… as rape allegory.

Not a hard thing to do since Prime himself is rape personified and he consistently forces himself onto and into his little brothers, Catra and later, the chipped Etherians.  Prime does nothing but "bad touch" people all of S5 and is particularly enjoying his disciplining of his "wayward little brother", the most unworthy and unlovable amongst his brothers. (According to the extended scene)

Here’s some more of Prime’s touching with rape subtext:

Here’s more of Prime forcing himself into his little brothers – they all seem to fight it and find it painful to some degree despite the fact that they have been conditioned to accept it and welcome it. Prime’s touch is a good thing, even when it hurts them.

Ironically, the one who fights this violation the least is Hordak himself. (this could be either because he’s extra repentant and wished not to further draw Prime’s ire or that his condition of chronic illness has raised his pain threshold)

The process of possession is not seamless and some of the clones appear to be unsettled by it after prime retreats from their bodies.

As much as this Utter Disaster of a clone wanted to finish his little speech about dirt and as much as he was gleefully enjoying it, after Prime was done with him… he just wanted his task over with…

            The very nature of their indoctrination makes them unable to escape what has been done to them nor change their whole world view without outside intervention – which is exactly the help that Wrong Hordak received immediately after being abducted from the collective by people who slowly de-indoctrinated him and offered him a supportive environment for all of that growth and healing to happen.

When the Best Friend Squad kidnapped him, he was ardent about his service to Prime and he only followed them because they deceived him in believing they were servants of Horde Prime.

By providing clear irrefutable evidence of Prime’s fallibility, deceit and the squad’s (mostly Entrapta and Glimmer)  moral support throughout this moral crisis, they (just Entrapta here *coughs* ) were able to wean him off of his programmed behavior and offer him an informed choice.

This is information none of the other clones, not even Hordak were privy to.

Even with this information, Wrong Hordak is still in emotional turmoil (though the show plays it for laughs – yuck)

The closest Hordak ever gets to walking away from Prime’s doctrine is this moment:

He was considering indefinitely putting it off to stay here, with her, and her worldview that he could be worth something, imperfect as he is. He is offered her emotional support and guidance.

Unfortunately... Catra nipped that in the bud before it could lead anywhere.

 After convincing Hordak that Entrapta betrayed him, her message of inherent worth was rendered null, to him - her unconditional affection and the notion that he could to live apart from Prime were a manipulation. This further radicalized him in his faith and need to prove his worthiness.

Not only did Catra remove Entrapta’s influence over him, she goaded him even further with this cursed little speech and her whole “yass queen moment!”. you know the one...

“Get.Over.IT! You don’t need Entrapta. You never did. You don’t need a Princess in your life telling you what to do. Look at what you’ve done without her. You’ve build an army. An empire! You and me, we don’t need anyone. Forget them all. No one matters, nothing matters but this mission. You want to prove yourself, prove your worth? Then do it! You and I are going to conquer Etheria. And then, they’ll all see!”

Both of them were in clear downfall in S4 and they amplified each other’s most negative tendencies. I will not hold this against her. 

             The last thing I want to mention is that for cult victims, it is incredibly hard, if not, almost impossible to leave their cults by themselves. The first step for leaving a cult in the real world is looking for outside assistance.

It takes enormous amounts of strength – an almost imaginable degree of resolve – to leave a cult, particularly when you may have been born into one and have no friends or connections on the outside world. Cult survivors are often ostracized by everyone they have ever known who remain within the organization. To a cultist, the world outside the cult is a hostile, sinful and dangerous place. The assistance of someone from the outside is crucial.

Only with the assistance of a “friendly outsider” or a support group can the former cultist change the world view with which they had been indoctrinated with (sometime since early childhood).

A cult and set of beliefs warps your whole world view to the point of delusion. Faith in the cultic creeds is more important than factual evidence. As  a matter of fact, the evidence in itself is evil, a contradiction to the creeds of faith and successfully denying it is an act of faith fulfilled. This mentality is encouraged in cults.

Many people in this fandom have claimed that Hordak, once pulled through the portal was free to do as he pleases. (he didn’t chose to come to Etheria – his arrival on the planet was accidental)

This is not really the case. Hordak never decided to leave the cult. He was still part of the cult when he was sent to his death on the battlefield for his defect and he was still a believer when the portal delivered him to Etheria.

In essence, Hordak didn’t leave his cult so much as he was forced apart from it, physically. In spirit, he still believed in Horde Prime’s dogma.  His experience is the equivalent of a religious man getting stranded on an island in the middle of the ocean. He is apart from his church, but his faith is still with him. Hordak’s faith hadn’t waned in the decades of separation. His purpose had always been returning to Horde Prime –hence the focus on building a portal and not on levelling towns with an arm laser cannons. He has proven in S4 that, had his main mission actually been conquest, he could have done it with not much difficulty – He wasn’t half bad at it actually. Instead, he delegated the conquest to his underlings and focused most of his attention on attempts at reuniting with Horde Prime via investigating rogue portals and trying to build one of his own.

Due to the nature of his “upbringing”, Hordak’s whole world view is warped. He has not had the benefits of a “moral” education from a human’s standpoint. Why would training cadets to become soldiers in your army be morally reprehensible when you, yourself, had been bred for war and have served your God with your first breath?

This was Hordak’s idea of a “normal” childhood:

What could he possibly know about the healthy raising of children?

Why would conquering a planet be a morally reprehensible thing when his God did this to places?

And this:

Before one ascribes evil motivation, for the sake of evil – one should bear in mind that these creeds were literally programmed into him. This is not a life he has chosen for himself– this is something he was born into, literally manufactured for, this is something that was done to him.

And for those that would have wanted him to regret his actions on screen, keep in mind that it will likely  take a lot of therapy and reeducation before he even comprehends the nature and magnitude of his crimes on Etheria.

(besides the fact that he had spent 99% of season 5 in an amnesiac daze doesn’t help with the whole remembering his crimes bit either)

The show runner has declared in one of her post show interview that he will make reparations for the damage he’s caused.

What more do people want from a person born and flung into an impossible situation besides his head on a plate?

Phew!

Long post was long

[alloftheblackwidowfeelings]

Almost every reviewer on YouTube wasn’t satisfied with this movie IMO they said it was just Marvel combined some elements from other marvel movies so they could throw fans a BW movie so we could stfu, it didn’t do justice to the the character ,what do you think, is it really that bad.

To be honest, I've been working on this one for a while but I keep writing and deleting my response. Because all the things I want to say sound gatekeeper-y, in one of several ways.

I think you can be a Nat fan and not read the comics. I think you can be a Nat fan and never talk about her. I don't think you need to know everything about canon and be an "expert" to be a fan. I'm not interested in a locked-gate version of fandom. I don't think this movie should just be for die-hard Nat fans. And I don't think that all Nat fans will like this movie, for a variety of reasons.

Despite all of that, a lot of the comic book/movie expert reviews I've seen feel, to me, like they were evaluating a movie that isn't the one this movie was ever trying to be, and missing some of what the movie explicitly says it is because that doesn't fit what they want from it.

A bit more spoilery and a lot longer under the cut. I am so sorry I'm like this.

This movie felt tailor-made for me. Not because I loved every answer they gave, but because the questions they asked are ones I've been waiting to hear since 2012, when I first saw Avengers and then immediately went back to see the rest of phase 1. I think people disliking the answers is a legitimate opinion, and I'm looking forward to detangling that with people. What surprised me in reviews was not reviewers disliking the answers, which is legit, but not even seeming to realize the questions had been asked.

Most prominently, what felt like the huge thematic arc of the movie to me has been nonexistent in so many reviews that I've started to feel like I made it up, even though I took notes of exact quotes so I could reference them. The movie isn't a Nat origin story, and it's not about her as a cool edgy villain, so not seeing either of those didn't bother me. It's a movie about Natasha's trauma and how that manifests, and how her attempts to break free of it have harmed others in the past, and how she can move forward from that. We never get the key that unlocks the history of Natasha's past, so if you approach this as a puzzle box, it's going to fail.

THIS INDENTED PARAGRAPH IS THE CLOSEST I GET TO DIRECT PLOT POINTS, FEEL FREE TO SKIP

Specifically most of the reviews seem to view Nat's motivating guilt as over how she escaped the Red Room, particularly one casualty she deemed an acceptable sacrifice. But as I interpreted it, Nat's guilt in this movie came from a much closer place: the other Widows were all she'd had, and Nat being able to escape the Red Room made the Red Room hold on to the other Widows that much tighter. She thought she'd taken it down, but she was wrong. So her freedom, essentially, came at their expense. Natasha working to take down the Red Room this time is personal both to avenge her own trauma and to make up for her guilt in the Red Room still existing and creating more trauma for her peers. Without this context (and to be clear, I have gone back over the quotes several times to see if I'm misinterpreting and I really don't think I am), the idea that all of her guilt is over what she did to a single person makes more sense, but it also makes the movie a lot less interesting. If Natasha is justified in blaming Alexei and Melina for condemning her back to the Red Room, how could the other Widows not blame Nat? To me the entire story swings from that, and by not acknowledging Nat's (inadvertent but still very real) responsibility for continuing the cycle, the movie would feel hollow.

PLOT POINTS OVER.

Many critics they seem to feel like the potential this movie introduced was wasted because Nat's dead, so what's the point. First of all, the point is she's Nat and we care. It's not like we went in to Iron Man expecting that we'd have a decade of a franchise; we cared in the moment, and this movie is asking for the same thing. It delivers for over two hours of NOT murdering Natasha, which is more than I can say for Endgame.

To be clear, BW does set up other things for the MCU, and it's but if you're only watching it for what it's going to tell you about the future of the MCU (and I get it, because that's how I'm watching Loki, and it's a very different type of watching than I did for FATWS), this probably IS going to be a disappointment, because this isn't a big crossover event movie; I mean, none of Sam's "Big Three" show up at all. But again, that's about the movie someone wanted it to be, not the movie this was aiming to be.

Is this like a lot of other Marvel movies? Kinda. It's definitely taking a lot from Civil War for its set-up. Its arc felt like a close mirror of to Winter Soldier to me, to the extent that I'm planning to rewatch that on Thursday so I can see how much that's just me projecting my fave onto it. The third act is very Marvel-third-act-y, as adapted to Nat's character; the adapting to Nat's character are the parts I like and the rest is kind of what I consider the MCU price of admission.

I also kind of hate that it feels like the last few movies- Black Panther, Captain Marvel, now this and some rumblings about Shang-Chi- have all been kind of dismissed with "it's just the Marvel formula." It is, but that doesn't change the fact that different protagonists make it different. Dr Strange is pretty much just "Iron Man 1 with cool magic" and people didn't mind, but "how does this formula change when the protagonist is fundamentally different than the archetype to this point?" is apparently not different enough. I get Marvel fatigue, I really do, but for me it's tempered by how, in this case, Nat doesn't have the moral clarity Steve or Thor or even Tony or Scott has. No one in this movie lets her forget that she's a trained killer who little kids look up to.

Again: there are parts of this movie that don't work. I also don't ever ever EVER want to seem like I'm saying that if someone didn't like this movie they're not a real Nat fan or they're wrong. I know there are reasons to not love this movie, and I'm sure I'll figure out more the more I watch- it may not make me not love it, but it will at least complicate it for me, and i think we all know I live for that shit. Moreover, I intimately know how much it sucks when something you've been enthusiastic about and anticipating for ages doesn't pay off and everyone else seems to like it- it's isolating and upsetting and you just sit there wondering why no one else understands, and that's bullshit and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. People who don't like this movie are valid!

But if someone has a history of seeing Nat as just background, or considering her as a T&A deliver system more than as a character, or caring about hot women with guns but not care about the trauma that turned them into that, or saying they like movies about women but just not THIS woman for every comic book movie about a woman not there for them to ogle, or claiming to be experts in all things comics while doubling down on their theory that Yelena wouldn't appear because she was in Agent Carter (YES THAT HAPPENED, MORE THAN ONCE, THE NORTH. FUCKING. REMEMBERS. AND WISHES THEY KNEW WHERE THEY SAVED THOSE SCREENSHOTS), I don't need to weight their reviews heavier than the adrenaline rush I felt watching this movie.

So in answer to your question, I don't think the movie was really "that bad." I think this movie delivers in very specific ways, which definitely are not the flashy ones or the "every Marvel movie builds to the next great EVENT" ones or the male power fantasy ones, and if those ways aren't the ways you care about, it's going to be a disappointment. Even if those AREN'T the ones you care about, it could be a disappointment for any number of reasons, some of which I noticed during the movie and some of which I'm sure I'll be surprised to read about Friday morning.

But it wasn't one to me. For whatever it's worth, despite the movie's flaws, I loved it, I haven't stopped thinking about it in five days, I can't wait to see it again, and I hope that whether other people do or don't like it, they want to roll around in it as much as I do to pick out every single shred of canon worth overanalyzing.

If this is all we ever get for Natasha- and it is a CRIME if this is all we ever get for Natasha but that doesn't mean it's not so- I am grateful that this is what we got.

[flying-elliska]

one of the most impactful things I have read lately are two of French author Edouard Louis' books, Pour en finir avec Eddy Bellegueule and Qui a tué mon père (translated into English as The End of Eddy and Who Killed my Father). It's been two months and I'm still thinking about it.

The first book is an 'autobiographical novel' about the author's childhood growing up as an obviously gay boy in one of the poorest areas of France, until he leaves and reinvents himself as a writer. It's fraught with bigotry, abuse, bullying, violence, deprivation and social despair, and it's one of the most harrowing things I have ever read. It reads as many things as once : a recognition of trauma, an angry exorcism, a cry for society at large to pay attention, and to be honest, as a horror story.

It was criticized by some in France as portraying the working class in a manner that was too negative, which tells me they missed the point entirely...ironic for a book by someone who actually grew up poor - one of my least favorite things ever is progressives telling a marginalized person they can't talk about their own experiences because they don't fit the desired mold. (The French love to romanticize the working class and I'm pretty sure it's often an avoidance mechanism.)

The point of the book is so obviously not about 'look at how terrible and bigoted those poor people are'. Little Eddy spends a big part of the narrative trying to escape - himself at first, then his family/circumstances and the persistent homophobia everywhere. In the end of the book, he finally manages to get accepted into a fancy high school in the city on a scholarship and tries really hard to fit in. The last scene of the book is a bunch of his - educated, upper/middle class - classmates throwing homophobic taunts at him, starting the cycle anew. I can't think of a clearer way to say 'this is not a story about a sad gay boy escaping the evil bigoted countryside for the city and then everything was wonderful!!!! this is a story about a systemic, pervasive problem.'

One of the key arguments of the book, to me, is how homophobia, sexism and bigotry in general are both a product and a reproduction mechanism of social and economic exclusion. For instance, he describes how the norms around what it means to be a man in his village (being tough, disobeying authority, quitting school early to go work at the factory, drinking alcohol, neglecting your own health, fighting over women, repressing your feelings, etc) perpetuates the cycle of poverty ; but again this isn't 'oh these people are so stupid' and more 'these people are trapped'. Because he makes it evident how degrading and dehumanizing poverty can be, this masculinity reads as a desperate attempt to cling to a certain amount of dignity - it's an extremely dysfunctional coping mechanism. At the same time, anyone falling outside of the mold is violently ostracized (like Eddy, who tries and fails to fit in). So the system keeps reproducing itself.

In Who Killed my Father, the author makes his political argument clearer. This is more of an essay, centering on his father, arguably the most complex figure in the first novel. The man is an angry, bigoted alcoholic who makes his family miserable ; at the same time he is the son of an abusive father who makes a point of honor to never hit his kids or wife even though it's very normalized in this context. In this essay the author keeps talking about the moments of almost tenderness with his father that haunt him, the picture he has of him doing drag in his youth, the fact that the father tried to leave the village when he was young to find a better life for himself with a close friend but failed and had to come back - the moments of what-ifs, of trying to struggle free from the cycle, when the system appears almost fragile and not so unbreakable after all, that the son kept holding close like a sort of talisman.

The narrative is structured around the fact that his father injured his back working in a factory and that he had to keep doing physical labor afterwards for money, instead of resting to recover, until it completely destroyed his body. Now he finds himself bed-bound at 53. Louis inquires into who is responsible for this premature 'death'. After considering individual choices, he turns towards political decisions - the successive governments, left and right, who have been destroying the French welfare system for decades and accelerating inequality. The point is to step out of the neoliberal obsession with personal responsibility and who is guilty and who is a bad or good person, and look at systems.

An element that isn't focused on but hovers over the story constantly is that this village is one where the majority of the population consistently votes for the extreme right National Front party in most elections. The book is too angry and nuanced to be some stupid "it's not their fault that they're racist because they're poor!" argument. It doesn't make any excuses for how awful this is but instead illustrates how dehumanization replicates itself, how people being denied basic dignity leads to them wanting to deny it to others. If you want to really understand the rise of the far right you have to look at where the inequality comes from in the first place, and how easy it is for people in power to wash their hands of it by blaming the bigoted masses. (Just like you can blame societal ills on minorities ! Two for one strategy.)

Towards the end of the essay, the author talks about how proud his father is of his son's literary success - for a book who clearly depicts him as a horrible person ! And this is a man who has spent his life openly despising anything cultural, because it never showed him a life like his own. But maybe now he feels seen, now he knows people want to read about these things. Maybe there is a reclamation of dignity through looking at the horror head on. Maybe his son somehow slipping through the cracks of the cycle gives him more room. The man stops making racist comments, and instead asks his son about his boyfriend. Most importantly, he asks his son about the leftist politics he's engaged in. They talk about the need for a revolution.

I think what strikes me the most is this attitude of "wounded compassion" that permeates the book. What do you do when your parents are abusive but even after you grow up, you can't help but still love them, and you know they've been shaped by the system that surrounds them ? Recognizing, speaking the harm is essential. You need to find your own freedom, sense of worth, and safety. You need to dissect the mechanisms at hand so they lose at least some of their power over you. You need to find people who love and believe you. But then what? Do you dismiss your persistent feelings of affection and care for those who hurt you as a sign you're just fucked up in the head ? You could just decide to never speak to them again, and it would be justified, but is that really what is going to heal you the most? It's important to realize you have the choice. But there are no easy conclusions.

This makes me think of a passage I have just read in Aversive Democracy by Aletta Norval. The essential ethos of radical democracy, she says, is about taking responsibility for your society, even the bad parts, instead of seeing them as a foreign element you have to cleanse yourself of. It's too fucking easy for queer progressives, especially the middle class urban kind, to talk about dumb evil hicks, to turn pride into a simple morality tale, and forget that any politics that don't center the basic dignity and needs of people are just shit. The injury is to you and by you and you have a duty of care just as much as a duty of criticism. (And this is obviously not only applicable to class matters.) You can't just walk away and save your sense of moral purity. (This is not an argument that the oppressed are responsible for educating the oppressors ; it's about how privilege is not an easy simple ranking and it is too damn easy to only focus on the ways in which you are oppressed and forget the ways in which you may have more leeway.)

There is no absolute equivalence between political and family dynamics but the parallel feel very relevant somehow. Several truths can coexist at once : you needed help and it was not given. You were let down. It's important to recognize that people are responsible of how they treat each other. You need to call out what isn't ok and stand up for yourself. At the same time, there is a reason why things are like this. Making people into villains is often bad strategy (within reason!), and in the end, easy dichotomies are often an instrument of power. The horrors you have been through might have given you a very specific wisdom and grace you do not have to be afraid of ; you are not tainted by your compassion (it is very much the opposite of forced forgiveness ; it has walked through the fire of truth.)

To me these books fit into what French literature does best, sociological storytelling a la Zola or Victor Hugo - the arguments aren't new and they can come across as heavy handed, even melodramatic. But I'll argue that the viscerality is the point, how the raw experience of misery punches through any clever arguments about how exploitation persists for the greater good of society. Really worth reading if you can do so with nuance.