#the first 3 lines of google images did not tell me if it existed or not so.

[arvoze]

ROTOM BALL

ROTOM BALL

[voxmortuus]

Baby! I may I have a Jason Dean fic, something along the lines of choas and public sex? Pretty please? I have another request too, but I will submit that one later.

PAIRING: Jason Dean x Fem!Reader

UNIVERSE: Heathers

WORDS: 936

SUMMARY/PROMPT: See above <3

Trigger Warning(s): OPRA SINGING SMMMMUUUUUUUUUT!!! | Public Sex | Fingering | Handjob | Cockwarming | Creampie | Unprotected Vaginal Penetration | Talk of Shooting | PLEASE TELL ME IF I FORGOT ANYTHING!!! I want to make sure readers are fully aware of what they are getting themselves into when they read this…

NOTE: Sorry if this isn't what you expected, I'm hoping this finds you well love!

IMAGE CREDIT: Google I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF THESE IMAGES. If these are yours or you know who the creator(s) is please INBOX me and let me know. Thank you.

My Master Masterlist | Taglist

REQUESTS: 500 FOLLOWER EVENT REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN UNTIL AUGUST 15TH!

Chaos, everywhere you look, there is chaos. Your existence, your entire life, is chaos, from the cigarettes you smoke to the boys you date. It's all chaos. Jason Fuckin' Dean, that boy was nothing but chaos, and you thrived on it. You fed on it. It was the only thing you had in life that kept you on your toes. He was this beacon of blackness that swallowed you whole and devoured your entire life, but you know what, you don't mind it. You love it just as much as you love him.

"Did you see the look on their faces?!" He laughs this manic laugh as he finds his way to the back of the subway.

"They nearly shit themselves!" You laugh.

"They thought the bullets were loaded!"

"That man called the police, you know! They'll be looking for us!"

"Good! They won't find us!" Jason laughs another manic laugh.

He pulls you into his lap, and he lights himself a cigarette. People give him a stare, but he pays them no mind. You take the cigarette from him, taking a drag and placing it back between his lips. Your hand cradles the nape of his neck, your fingernails grazing his skin under his hairline.

Before long, he tossed the cigarette to the floor, stomping it out with his foot. He rests his hands on your thighs and runs his hand up your leg, stopping and nudges your legs apart. You giggle a bit and shake your head at first before he forces them apart and slides his fingers between your thighs, and slips his fingers between your lower lips, and you gasp, gripping at his hair. He gives a chuckle and moves his fingers around your sweet spot, and you let off another moan.

You try so hard to be quiet, but it's so difficult. You bury your face into his neck as he keeps going. Looking over you, he kisses you softly and nips at your lip- taking your moans into his mouth, he moves his fingers rougher. You let out a squeak and press yourself into him. You move a bit, noticing his rather large excitement.

Biting your lip, you move a little bit more, and he smirks and reaches down and unzips his pants and unbuttons his boxers and looks over you, and smiles.

"Play with it, Princess." He smirks.

You nod your head and take the warm flesh in your hand, stroking his cock in such an almost hidden way. He wasn't caring who was paying attention. The subway, mostly empty, and most of them had headphones on. He groaned as you stroked him. Pressing your forehead against his, you let out a shaky breath, and he moves his fingers a little faster, rubbing your clit with his thumb, he smirks.

"Fuck baby, how about you get on it. Just hold it there." He smirked.

The idea of cock-warming was appealing to you. You nod softly and straddle him, facing him, you lower yourself on his hard cock and wrap your arms around him, trying hard not to move, letting the motion of the subway work for you. You let out a shaky breath and bite your lip as you grip the back of his head, his hair in your grasp.

"What are you thinking?"

"Are you seriously asking me that in a moment like this?" You give a breathy chuckle.

"Uhh, yeah, I am. Thoughts?"

"You feel so good."

"Puzzle piece?"

"My missing piece."

"Perfect fit huh Princess?" He grunts a bit.

"Of course." You whimper.

The subway rocked and jolted, people getting off and on gave a slight stare, but your skirt was just long enough to cover what needed to be hidden.

Your fingers play with his hair, and he attaches his lips to your neck, sucking on it, drawing blood to the surface from the force of the suction, leaving a mark on your neck. You let out a soft moan. The more the subway moved, the heavier your breath got. You let out a shaky breath as he adjusts you slightly. Gripping at his hair, the subway makes you bounce slightly, causing you to grip his cock with your walls, letting you massage him, in turn causing him to growl.

Feeling the slight rub against your sweet spot and the friction against your bud nearly causing you to finish with such subtle moments of motion. You press your forehead against his.

"I'm so close." You let out breathily.

"I want to feel you finish." He growls, gripping your ass tightly.

"Yeah?" You ask him.

"Make a mess on my cock." He tells you.

"Who do I belong to?"

"Me baby, your pussy belongs to me, your ass belongs to me, your mouth belongs to me, your hands belong to me, your mind belongs to me."

"Is your cock mine?"

"All your's baby. Cum for me."

With a shake, you bite your lip and bury your face into his shoulder and try to not let out a scream as your body shakes and quakes. Feeling your juices ooze. He gives a slight thrust and finishes deep inside you.

You sit there a bit and let out a slow breath as you move back, watching as he puts himself away. Your legs spread causes his and your juices to drip onto the floor of the subway. An onlooker licks his lips and shakes his head adjusting, in his seat.

You sit next to him, your hands in your lap, your legs pressed tightly together giggling a bit. You look at him and he smirks.

"Slushie?" He offers.

[crippleprophet]

Hi there! I found your google doc about AS and found I relate to a lot of the symptoms. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year ago (after 3+ years of backpain and over a year of fatigue and widespread pain amongst a whole list of other symptoms). This diagnosis never sat right with me. All the reumatologist did was order some basic blood tests (all came back negative) and poke at my body for twenty minutes before going "you have fibromyalgia, here's a pamphlet, try reducing stress". I'm currently on the waiting list for a rehab center to "learn to live with it". I have pain all over, but it's always concentrated along my spine and in my hips. Especially the 'alternating buttocks pain' feels very specific to my experience. I guess I'm not quite qure why I'm writing this. Mostly to say thank you for making that Google doc. I'm gonna scrape together the courage to go back to my doctor. I'm also just really curious if it's weird that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia without ever having any scans done? I don't even know if you would have an answer to this, but I saw fibro mentioned in the doc so I thought maybe you'd know. I've tried googling it, but I can't find anything. It just has always seemed really weird to me. Shouldn't doctors have ruled out more things before jumping to fibromyalgia? You don't have to reply to this, mostly just wanted to thank you for the Google doc and your blog in general <3

omg thank you so much, genuinely when people tell me my posts (especially long info ones i put a lot of work into like that) were helpful for them it makes me feel like my life has meaning, there’s a lot i can’t do because of illness but this shit is my passion & even if it’s slow going, responses like this make it so worth it <33

with the usual disclaimer that i’m just Some Guy on the internet who reads a lot and has experienced a lot of medical neglect, my understanding of fibromyalgia is:

people diagnosed with fibro are definitely experiencing real, serious symptoms

many people get misdiagnosed with fibro when doctors discriminate against them (treating it as a modern equivalent of hysteria) and/or do not perform proper testing or data interpretation to reach the real diagnosis (often, but obviously not always, small fiber neuropathy)

some people diagnosed with fibro probably do have the same condition, separate from other existing diagnoses, but the data about what’s going on is 1) very limited to begin with, 2) inaccurate due to widespread misdiagnosis, & 3) often centered on patient psychology in really ableist ways, so it’s basically useless

any doctor whose first-line response to illness, even those genuinely exacerbated by stress like most chronic illnesses, is to reduce stress is an unrealistic, unhelpful asshole who i will one day run over with my mobility scooter on a tour of fury

i think it’s ludicrous that your rheumatologist ruled out AS, especially considering AS (especially nonradiographic AS) often involves neuropathic pain and enthesitis (inflammation of the entheses, where tendons or ligaments connect to bone) sites often overlap with fibromyalgia tender points.

it is unfortunately really hard to find a rheumatologist who will diagnose a condition that is both seronegative (doesn’t show up on bloodwork) and nonradiographic (doesn’t show up on imaging), but depending on what blood tests were done you might not even know if you’re seronegative, and you don’t know if you’re nonradiographic because you haven’t had imaging. for an idea of the standard of care, after my first rheumatology appointment with similar symptoms to those you listed, i was tested for:

complete blood count (CBC) with differential/platelet

comprehensive metabolic panel

routine urinalysis

antibodies SS-A and SS-B for sjögren’s syndrome

rheumatoid factor (RF) for rheumatoid arthritis

IgG/IgA antibodies for rheumatoid arthritis

vitamin D

thyroid secreting hormone (TSH) for hypothyroidism

Smith/RNP antibodies

anti-dsDNA antibodies

antinuclear antibodies (ANA) for lupus

C-reactive protein (CRP) which can indicate inflammation

Westergren erythrocyte sedimentation rate (ESR) which can indicate inflammation

HLA-B27

those were probably like… 6 or 7? vials of blood and a urine sample, and i had an x-ray and MRI. given that there are no disease-modifying drugs for fibromyalgia, i think it’s absolutely neglectful to diagnose anyone with fibromyalgia without ruling out all other possible options, and i think it is definitely medical neglect that you received no scans after discussing disabling back pain.

i totally understand that this may not be possible depending on your circumstances, but if it’s an option i think it could be a good idea for you to get a second opinion rather than revisit the first doctor. but that’s your call and i hope it goes well for you no matter what you end up pursuing! i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, please let me know if there’s anything i can do to help 🖤🖤

[from-the-dark-past]

Interview with Anders Ohlin in The Black Metal Murders: English translation

Translator’s note: Black metal-morden (English: The Black Metal Murders) is a radio documentary from 2017 produced by Radio Sweden (download). It’s about Mayhem and the Norwegian black metal scene in the ‘90s and contains interviews with Jørn “Necrobutcher” Stubberud, Kjetil Manheim, Eirik “Messiah” Norheim and Anders Ohlin (Pelle Ohlin’s younger brother). 

Here, I’ve translated the parts where Anders Ohlin speaks into English (from Swedish). I’ve added time-stamps and short descriptions for the different sections of the interview. 

I am working on translating the interviews with Necrobutcher, Manheim and Messiah and will post them soon. 

1:51 - 6:35 [Talking about him and Pelle getting into extreme metal]

Anders: We’d started listening to hard rock and it was… We’d, like, worked through all of those… Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. 

Narrator: It’s the mid-1980s in Västerhaninge, a suburb of Stockholm. Pelle Ohlin lives here. He plays in the extreme metal band Morbid and his stage name is Dead. Pelle has introduced his five-years-younger brother to hard rock. Together, they’ve worked through all of the main bands. 

Anders: And you, like, hungered for this… This Other. 

Narrator: The ‘Other’ that younger brother Anders is talking about is extreme metal; music that is faster, darker and harder. A progression of hard rock. Music that isn’t easy to get your hands on at this time. Anders is in his early teens and has gotten his first girlfriend. 

Anders: It was my first relationship and it was super-exciting, and I was at her house, she lived in Jordbro, which is, like, the neighbouring suburb. 

Narrator: Anders’ girlfriend’s older sister has an LP that Anders simply must show his older brother Pelle. 

Anders: It was, like, you knew it was good music, and it was that Destruction record. 

Narrator: Anders sees the German death metal band Destruction’s cover and it’s enough for him to understand that this must be good music. [...] 

Anders: This. This here isn’t Judas Priest and it isn’t Iron Maiden; it’s something else. I’ve got show this fucking record to Pelle. 

Narrator: Anders nags [his girlfriend’s older sister] to borrow the LP. He’s allowed to, but only for the day, so he bikes home in the rain from Jordbro to Västerhaninge as quickly as he can. 

Anders: And it was like [excited noise], like a cartoon; the evil wolf, their eyes bulge out and we both ran -- because we hadn’t heard the LP, only seen the cover -- ran to the record player och then Mom walks up and is like: ‘Stop! You’re forbidden from using the gramophone.’ And it was like, fucking hell, is it going to die here and then we explained to Mom -- ‘This is an extreme record and we’ve borrowed it for the day and it’s going back tomorrow,’ -- and Mom was super-harsh and was like: ‘It doesn’t matter. [...]’ And then we started negotiating and agreed that we could record the LP onto cassette [because you don’t need volume for that]. So, it was on full-blast the entire night and we recorded it and stood bent over the record scratches and were like,‘Shit, this is good stuff’. 

Narrator: Pelles hard rock style stands out against the usual sweatpant-Bagheera-jacket [style], not least the music. 

Anders: The ideals that existed at that time were that you were supposed to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, which neither he nor I did [laughs]. You were supposed to be handsome and cool and have some fucking helipad on your head. 

Translator’s note: Anders is talking about a flat-top haircut commonly referred to as a ‘helikopterplattafrisyr’ -- helipad haircut -- in Sweden. Think H.R. Haldeman. I’m not sure what the English term for this haircut is. 

Narrator: Anders and Pelle are apart of a small subculture; extreme metal, with subgenres such as trash metal, death metal and black metal, which provokes with its satanic and morbid symbols. Pelle’s band Morbid pushes the limits of what music can sound like. With his stage-name Dead, Pelle sings on the demo December Moon. The new subculture is not embraced by the adult world. 

Anders: Like, we faced this fucking cultural oppression as hardrockers. It was that time-period… And especially if you wanted to do something that was worse than hard rock; it was completely judged. 

14:52 - 15:53 [Talking about Pelle being bullied] 

Anders: He was beaten at school and to such an extent that he actually died for a while, or however you put it. 

Narrator: There’s an explanation to Pelle’s obsession with death. At 13, he was bullied at school and once, he was beaten so badly that his spleen burst. Pelle’s brother Anders Ohlin tells the story.

Anders: He was beaten to death and had some near-death experience as he was laying in the hospital and he kept coming back to that all the time, and I think you can see that as some sort of theme in his songs too. Like, it’s always about the fact that he was actually there and touched something that he doesn’t know what it is, and that was the engine in all that. He was definitely [at the bottom of the pecking order] at school, precisely because he was a bit… He had his special... his special style and was, like, uncompromising, and that was what singled him out, I’d say, markedly from other teenagers. 

18:07 - 18:30 [Talking about Pelle’s depression]

Anders: He would neglect to eat, just to get a cassette tape out or arrange a gig somewhere. 

Narrator: Anders Ohlin, Pelle’s brother. 

Anders: To be a bit harsh, I think that the others gave up at some point. And that’s my personal interpretation. That he suddenly turns around and notices that he hasn’t got the gang with him. And I think that destroyed him. 

21:50 - 22:30 [Talking about Pelle’s suicide] 

Anders: At first, I was actually really pissed at him… Or, like, angry, enraged. I thought that he’d abandoned us -- which he has. That it was so shitty of him; to just take off and leave this big fucking abscess to the rest of us that just kept growing and growing as the years passed. 

Narrator: Christmases become especially painful for the Ohlin family, because that was the time Pelle usually came home. 

Anders: No one felt good on Christmas Eve. It was like a fucking ghost all Christmas. Brutal. So, I remember that I couldn’t celebrate Christmas at all for a very long time. 

1:06:39 - 1:09:31 [Talking about how he and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him and his life today]

Anders: All of his Swedish friends see him as this exuberantly happy guy that spews ideas and is funny and has a sense of humor and stuff. Then, it’s like a line is drawn when he goes to Norway and they see him as introverted and mysterious and, like, difficult. And that’s two opposite images. 

Narrator: The Pelle Myth is associated with a lot of darkness and death but that’s not how his brother Anders and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him.  

Anders: I think that’s been the devastating part, but it, like, helped him build… strengthen that myth. It’s hard being that funny dude and saying that you’re, like, Satan. It’s hard, it becomes, like, silly. 

Narrator: Anders is often reminded of Pelle. Usually because of happy memories but also because of that image that he is fighting to remove; the image that Øystein took of Pelle’s corpse which spread because it became the album cover of a Mayhem bootleg, Dawn of the Black Hearts. The image lives its own life on the internet. 

Anders: It’s difficult. It’s very difficult. 

Narrator: Pelle’s fans often want to become Facebook friends with Anders; he receives 3-5 friend requests per day. Sometimes, the people sending the friend requests have themselves shared the image on their social channels. 

Anders: You say you want to be my friend yet you have an image of my brother from when he’s just killed himself and like… body parts all over the wall. Would you think it was okay if I had an image of your brother like that? ‘What,’ they excuse themselves. ‘Oh, fuck, I’d forgotten that I had that image, that’s… Of course, I’ll remove it and I’m ashamed.’ 

Narrator: When Anders asks people to remove the image, most do. 

Anders: I’m terrified for when my children will start to Google those images… Øystein’s parents inherited the rights after Øystein died and [Øystein’s dad] has destroyed the images and I’ve received the rights, gotten to take over the rights from Øystein’s dad, so if anyone uses them in any form is printed media, I can sue the shit out of them. 

Narrator: It’s a small comfort every time one of Pelle’s fans tells Anders how much Pelle means. 

Anders: Most often, they have some story. They tell me how they’ve had a tough period in life and how they’ve, like, really been at a crossroads or something and feel that they received guidance from Pelle’s music. That warms -- That makes you happy. That really warms your heart. 

Narrator: Pelle’s grave is well-visited and every now and then, there’s a handwritten letter or a box of snus by it. 

[not-xpr-art]

Art Advice #7 - How to draw a face (the basics)

Hi all! 

This week, as part of my Art Advice Tag, I’ll be giving some advice on how to draw faces!

A note is that this is not going to be a tutorial, but instead a guide on how to learn how to draw a face! I personally find that tutorials aren’t super useful, not to mention that there are thousands of tutorials on drawing already out there. So whether you want to be able to design your own characters, ... or just want to give your stick figures faces, I’m hoping this blog post can help you get on your way to drawing faces!

How to draw a face (the basics) ~

Part 1 - Dreaded Proportions 

I think most artists will tell you that proportions are the banes of their existence.

And although I don’t think you necessarily need to stick to them religiously (and it’s important to note that real faces rarely stick to proportions religiously either), I think it is important to have an understanding of them if you want to start drawing faces! 

(this is a very basic sketch I did by the way, a quick google will give you versions of this diagram that are a lot more detailed & accurate lol!)

This image shows the general places on a face where features normally sit. So, eyes halfway down the head, corners of the mouth match up with the pupils when staring straight ahead, five eyes can fit between each side of the head, bottom of the nose lies halfway between the eyes and chin, etc. 

Top tip! Try not to confuse the top of the head to the hairline, as this can often make a face look too long! 

Of course, this becomes more complicated when you want to draw a face from another angle (which I won’t go into for this post). 

Face shape, eye size, nose size, etc, can also affect how you approach these rules. So use these proportions more as a guide than anything to follow religiously!

Part 2 - Face Shape

A lot of artists, myself included, gets caught in the ‘same face’ syndrome. Which is basically when all your characters and people you draw end up looking suspiciously alike. (Don’t feel too bad about this, by the way, since even big companies like Disney suffer from this lol!)

A way to prevent this is to diversify your face shapes. 

These are a few quick examples, and my biggest piece of advice for this is to practise drawing as wide a range of faces as you can! Pick people of various races, sizes, genders, etc! 

This can be as simple as drawing people around you too, friends, family, colleagues, even yourself! 

Part 3 - Eyes

Similar to the last point, practising drawing a wide variety of eyes (differing in shape, colour, size, etc) will help you get a better grasp on how to draw them. 

Some more specific advise for this would be to map out where the actual eyeball is. This way, you’ll be able to figure out more effectively where to put things like the tear duct! 

Another thing to remember is the position of the pupil and iris, which can greatly impact the expression you’re going for. So, exposing more of the whites of the eye will make someone look scared/shocked, whereas less of the iris & pupil visible will look suspicious/shifty.

The image above is a few examples of how to sketch eyes & what to look out for when you’re doing your own drawings!

A final few things I want to comment on here is the position of eyelids, which can also greatly change the overall expression of a character. Eyelids differ from person to person, and can range from double, mono, hooded, deepset, etc. And as with all I’m talking about here, how the eyelid crease looks will change depending on the angle of the face. 

Part 4 - Nose

Noses are pretty confusing, if I’m being honest. 

One thing I remember learning from school was to use three circles to make up a forward facing nose. A bigger circle for the tip of the nose, and the a smaller one either side for the nostrils. This can help you to get an idea of how big you want your nose to be (and to check it fits with the proportions of the rest of the face). 

This method can also help to figure out the specific shape of the nose you want to draw. Placing the central circle lower than the other 2 will give the illusion of a bigger nose, whereas if it’s higher then it would look more like an upturned nose. Just have fun and play around with giving your noses interesting bridges and various sized nostrils, etc!

These are a few examples, but there are honestly endless combinations of noses you can experiment with!

Part 5 - Mouth

The first piece of advice I’d give you for drawing mouths, is to draw them in conjunction with the nose. Use the bit between the nose and mouth (which I just found out is called the philtrum lol) as a guide on how big or what shape to do the cupids bow as. 

I’d also recommend starting with the corners of the mouth, and then connecting them to for the middle of the mouth. This can help you get an understanding of what kind of expression you want (it often only takes a slight curl of the corner of the mouth in order to create some subtle change in feeling of the character). 

And something that I often do, is creating a subtle almost M shape for the centre of the mouth (think almost of a turtles mouth, but less extreme). This can give the lips more of a sense of 3 dimensionality than a simple line. 

These are just some examples of how I draw lips with no references as a guide. Another point I would suggest is to include the shadow of the lips on the chin, which can also help you to map out the size and shape of the chin itself. 

I feel it’s important to note that I’ve only including hints for closed, mostly neutral, expressions. So if you want me to do another blog post talking about expressions (like how to draw smiles, or other open-mouthed expressions) then let me know!

Part 6 - Ears 

I’ll admit that ears are not my strong suit, so there isn’t a tonne of advice I can offer here. (I once had an hour long breakdown over how bad my paintings and drawings of ears are lol... I wish I was kidding but I’m not pfft)...

This is a very... unhelpful image lol...

My main advice is to just... look at ears lol... Hopefully you’ll have better luck with them then me!

~

These were all very basic tips for drawing faces, and there were a lot of things that I wasn’t able to go into here, so if anyone wants me to do a more in-depth look into certain aspects (for example, specific features) then just let me know! 

As always, I really appreciate everyone who reblogs/likes these posts! <3

[tinyboxxtink]

“The Man Of Your Dreams”

Y’all. Y’ALL. 

I was gonna make this a series but then I was like “Aw nah I can wrap it up neatly in one go”.

And that “one go” took 3 and 1/2 hours and 10 pages!!!!!!!! (on GoogleDocs anyway...) 

I went with my “keep dreaming about a man and then you go off to find him” idea.

The dating app one might be for a longer series, idk yet.

But this, this is my baby.

Like I said, I had this dream. Specifically the first and last scene. And ya’ll while I wrote the crescendo, I played Tyler Blackburn’s “Can’t Love Me.” Specifically starting at 2:11. I highly recommend playing it as you read from:

“Until out of nowhere--“Y/N???””

But that’s just me. I replayed that scene with the music about a thousand times in my head, I won’t lie to you.

I hope you love this as much as I do!!

Tag List

@wanniiieeee

@dumauier

@word-scribbless

@objection-argumentative

@chasingeverybreakingwave

------

“Oh no it’s happening again.”

“What?! No not now,”

“Yeah I feel it, the pulling,”

“Dammit! No no no…” He grabbed you on both of your sides and pulled you into his chest as tightly as he could, but you knew it wouldn’t help; You were fading, and the last words you hear were:

“I will find you!!” 

----------------

Suddenly, you woke up in your bed in a cold sweat. 

“Dammit...not again,” You shook your head. “No, no no no NO!!!!” You let yourself have a moment of breakdown, before immediately grabbing the pencil and giant pad of paper from under your bed. You had to get it down before it faded, again. The face, HIS face. You furiously filled in the lines on his face you had missed before, and you finally got the dimples on his mouth right. However, it was the eyes that drove you most insane.

Half filled in while the rest of his face was taking shape, his eyes were the one thing you could never quite get. Not that you hadn’t seen them enough, you had been having dreams about this man for over a month straight now. Every night, the same man. But it didn’t feel like dreaming, not in the slightest. It felt very much like being awake in this world, everything was so real.

He was so real.

And so, after a week of these “episodes”, you decided to yourself that this couldn’t be a coincidence, that it was NOT a mix of your subconscious making up scenarios in your head, it was real. This man existed somewhere, and you were going to find him. 

However the question of “How” was still very annoyingly present. Sure you and this man had talked about everything, seriously EVERYTHING. Likes, dislikes, career, life stories--- well, at least you were pretty sure you had.

 Some conversations in your dream world were completely crystal clear in your mind-- 

When he was six and all he wanted was a red bike, and come Christmas morning it wasn’t there. He had stormed around his mom’s apartment having a total temper tantrum until his abuelita asked him to check if she had left her keys out in the hall from last minute shopping. He opened the door to reveal a brand new, shiny red 10 speed bike propped against their doorway.

“We lived on the 10th floor, with no elevator. My mom and abuelita carried that thing up 10 flights of stairs just so I’d have a happy Christmas morning,” He had told you with tears in his eyes.

And then others, containing any real information about where to find him, were a blur. Specific details like his name, his job, even where he currently lived-- they sounded like garbled nonsense when you tried to recall them.

The Universe is a sadistic bastard.

But that conversation about the bike-- it was so specific and so detailed that there was no way your mind could have made it up. No way. But all you knew was that at some point in his childhood he lived with his mom and abuela in a 10th story apartment somewhere in New York City. That’s it. 

And one more thing that you couldn’t shake-- his touch. 

There had been a dream where he had asked to kiss you, to which you happily agreed. He had pulled you close into his arms, his hands ran through your hair as he pressed his lips against yours. And every dream since then, you two were always either holding hands or holding each other, or touching in any capacity-- as if you were both trying to memorize what it felt like.

Of course this still being “a dream”, a lot of the times your “dates” with this man were just playing out themselves, and you were blissfully unaware that they were even dreams. So you’d never think of asking “real” questions like where to meet or something. Only those few moments before you would wake would you realize “Oh that’s right, this isn’t real.” And by then it was too late.

But today was the day. You were sure of it. You had finally finished your drawing of your “dream man”, apart from the filled in eyes. Only an eyeline shaped hole rested in the middle of his perfect face. 

“Okay, that is just horrifying” You heard your roommate’s voice behind you.

“What? It’s perfect, Shi!” You defended your drawing. 

Sure you had hesitated telling your best friend of 10 years about your “situation”, but once you decided that you were going to find him, you knew you’d need her help. And so, after a very long conversation over a LOT of drinks, you had convinced her to help you. Well, reluctantly help you. 

“Well it’ll be no problem trying to find a guy with NO EYES,” She giggled.

“Shut up, I just...I can’t get them right,” 

“Can’t get them right? Girl have you or have you not told me that you have studied that man’s face EVERY night for the past 6 weeks?” 

“Yeah but….they’re so...perfect,” You sighed-- the gaping eye hole was mocking you. It was like the Universe saying “Good luck finding him without THESE!!!!” 

But you knew, you just knew in your heart of hearts that if you saw his eyes in real life, you’d know. You’d know instantly. You had this-- look, between you. The way he looked at you, the love and passion in his beautiful green eyes.

You couldn’t draw that on paper.

“Well just how do you expect us to make a “missed connection” flier with a demon looking guy like that?” 

“Look Shiloh, it’s a start ok?” 

“It’s not! You need those eyes, eyes are the most distinguishing trait on a person’s face!” She shook the paper at you.

“I know that!!!” you scoffed.

“Alright well...just, try again tonight yeah?” She put a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah alright,”

----

The next night you did all the nightly rituals you had read and researched up on how to “lucid dream”. Eating certain foods, meditating before bed, repeating mantras as you fell asleep-- sometimes they helped you take control of the dreams, sometimes not.

But this has never happened.

-----------

You were suddenly “awake”, in a park. Wait, this wasn’t just some generic “Dream” park. You knew this park. You immediately started scanning the sights around you-- kids playing and running around, people talking on a fountain-- The fountain. You knew that fountain. Your eyes darted quicker around the scenic picture for a statute, and there it was.

This was Central Park. And not just Central Park, a very specific part of Central Park that you passed most days on your way to work. Could this just be the “coincidence” normal dream stuff seeping in? Just images of your day being played out in your REM cycle? I mean he wasn’t even--

“Dream girl,” His voice came from behind you. 

You spun to face the fountain and saw him in an off white cream colored suit, with a pink tie. His hair was in a coif, and for the first time maybe ever, you noticed him carrying a briefcase. 

“Hey you,” You smiled, pulling him into a long, deep kiss. 

“So, Central Park today huh? You know you could’ve told me that beforehand I wouldn’t have paid an Uber to drive --- blocks.” You noticed the blurb in his number. Wait, wait this wasn’t happening.

“Wait, what?” You were suddenly “awake” .

“My office? It’s just about ---- blocks that way,” He pointed forward-- South. 

His office was south from Central Park, only a few blocks away. Within walking distance.

“What else?” You grabbed him.

“What else? Baby are you ok…?” He backed up one step in concern.

“Dammit, snap out of it abogado!!!” You snapped at him, leaving you both in shock-- but for two different reasons. 

He was suddenly “awake” in this world too, but you had just called him a name in spanish that you did not know the meaning of.

“Since when do you know spanish?” He asked.

“It’s spanish? QUICK tell me what it means!!!” You shook him.

“Abogado means--” 

-----------

And he was gone. It was gone. You had been pulled suddenly from your dream world, something that had never happened before. It wasn’t even morning yet, the sun was barely peeking out from the skyline. You had never gotten that close to getting details from him, NEVER.

Maybe the Universe was catching on. 

You grabbed your phone from the charger beside you and furiously typed “Abogado” into google translate. And there it was, in black and white:

Lawyer.

This guy was a lawyer, who worked a few blocks south of Central Park. If he was real. You sighed to yourself as you put your phone down and went back to sleep.

-----------------------------

And you were in the park again. 

“Hey, there you are! Where’d you go?” the “abogado” asked you with his dreamy smile. Wait, was he “asleep” again? And why did you pick up here? He knew you were gone? WAS THIS PLACE REAL?

“ABOGADO,” You shouted at him like a crazy person.

“...You don’t know spanish, why do you know-- Oh my god,” The man was suddenly cognizant of everything.

“Baby! Aw, baby girl I’ve missed you..” He pulled you into a kiss. You let him for a second, then pulled away quickly.

“Look, I don’t know what’s happening but this--” You gestured around the park. “This is near where I live. In reality,” 

His eyes widened as he recognized where you were. “This is a few blocks from my office-- in reality,” 

“Really? Really.” You were becoming frantic.

“I mean, if this is at all real, and you’re real--” He began looking around the park.

“I’M real, are YOU real?” You couldn’t believe he was questioning YOUR existence.

“I think the fact that we’re both questioning each other’s existence, might be either brain death or some kind of reality where we both do indeed exist,” He smirked.

“God you’re smart, why did I not know this before?”

“...I don’t know, we don’t really get into details usually, do we?” 

“No but now-- oh my god, NOW,” You grabbed him again excitedly.

“Now what? Oh, I love that guy’s suit…” He peered over your shoulder.

“Rafael will you FOCUS?” You both stopped and stared at each other as soon as the name left your lips.

“...I-I’m sorry, what?” He was turning pale

“Rafael...w-why did I just call you Rafael?”

“....Rafael’s my name,” He stared at you in disbelief. He actually looked shocked that you knew his name. 

“Y/N,” He finally spoke.

“Y/N is my name!!!!” You squealed. “This is happening, this is happening Rafael!!!!” You grabbed him in a hug but he still stood there in a daze.

“Oh god are you fading?” 

“N-No, I just...you have a name,” 

“...I..yeah?” You scrunch your nose. “Did...do...do you not think I’m real?” 

“No!” He shook his head. “I mean I do think you’re real, I just...this...this hasn’t happened before,” He stroked your cheek with his thumb, staring at it while he did it. Like he was memorizing the feeling of his skin on yours.

“I know, this is the most detailed “episode” we’ve ever had,” You pressed his hand harder against your cheek, memorizing the feeling of his hands over yours. 

“Tomorrow,” He stopped stroking your face and looked at you very seriously. 

“What?” 

“I-I feel it, I’m waking up-- damn early court time,” He grumbled. “But tomorrow-- er, today,” He grabbed both of your hands and squeezed them as hard as he could.

“If we are both real, we’ll meet here at this exact spot at 3:30 today, yeah?” You could see his body slowly disintegrating in front of you like Peter Parker at the end of Infinity War.

All you could do was nod as you felt yourself waking up, but you gave everything you had to grab him in one last kiss….

-------------

BEEP BEEP BEEEP!!!!!!

Your alarm was yelling at you, but you were already wide awake. Today was the day. Today at 3:30, in Central Park, you were going to meet your dream man.

If he was real. 

-------

The minutes passed by like hours, he would pick the day you have off so you could just sit there and stare at your phone obsessively all day. Of course after you had taken at least 2 hours to make sure you looked absolutely perfect for your man. 

You wanted to look like his dream girl. 

Finally, it was 3:20. Shiloh had come home early to walk with you to the park, there was no way she was missing this. You wanted enough time to make sure you’d be there exactly at 3:30, not a minute after. You held hands with Shi as you entered the park’s gates and just a few yards away was the fountain area you had been in last night. 

“So...this is it,” Shiloh dropped your hands.

“I know....What time is it?” You shuddered with excitement.

“3:29-- you know maybe he’s not a stickler for time like you and needs to be obsessively early everywhere babe,” 

“He’s a lawyer, they’re usually pretty punctual,” You raised an eyebrow. “Plus, if he’s as excited as I am he will be here on time,” You were bouncing on your heels like a little girl.

“Well, it’s 3:30 now…” You both began to look around the area. You had brought the drawing so Shiloh had an idea of who she was looking for, although she still deemed it impossible without his eyes.

“Y’know he said he had court today, maybe it’s further away from here,” You spoke out loud, still scanning every inch of the park. You didn’t know who you were trying to convince more, Shiloh or yourself.

Every second that passed by, your heart broke into teenier tinier pieces. You felt sick to your stomach, you were shaking-- you needed to sit. 

Shiloh came and joined you on the side of the fountain and held you in her arms as the park suddenly began filling very quickly. There was some sort of event happening soon, and people were getting “good seats”.

“Wh-What? No, no you guys can’t be here!” You frantically began circling people. “How is he supposed to find me if you’re all surrounding this damn fountain? HOW?!”

“Y/N….Honey, chill…” Shiloh tried to pull you away, but you jumped onto the fountain to get away from her as the area continued to fill with people, even police began to survey the area-- they stared at you, whispering things into their walkies. They were going to ask you to get down. They were going to ask you to leave. They were going to make you lose your chance forever--- and you couldn’t have that.

“RAFAEL!!!!!!” You started screaming into the crowd. Several members of the crowd began turning and staring at you as you repeated the name over and over again, walking around on top of the fountain as you did. 

“Are you nuts you’re going to get us arrested!!”  Shiloh hissed, pulling on your arm.

“I don’t care--- RAFAEL!!!!!” You knocked her hand away and started screaming again.

“Ma’am, you’re going to need to come with us,” A Park Ranger started for your hand but you evaded it as you continued circling and screaming like an insane person.

“NO!!! I CAN’T!!!!! HE’LL BE HERE!!!! RAFAEL!!!!!!”

-------

“I mean, are you SURE it was this end of the park, Rafa?” Olivia Benson circled the same spot her and Rafael had been walking around for several minutes now. 

“Yeah, I’m sure! There was a statue--”

“There are a LOT of statues in here, Rafa. Did you see anything else in this ‘dream’?” 

“Look Liv, I appreciate you coming with me even though you don’t believe in this at all, but the snarkiness is not helping,” He folded his arms with a scowl.

“I’m sorry, I’ll--” Olivia was cut off mid-sentence by her walkie going off. “Benson.”

“Yeah hi, this is the CP patrol-- We heard you were around here, and I think we’ve got a-- what do you call it, special victim? This girl’s running around crazy yelling for some dude, I think she might be a few circuits short of a circuit board,” 

“Where are you?”

“The South Entrance by Lootney Fountain,” As those words rang out through her walkie, Rafael’s eyes widened. 

“The fountain…” He muttered, beginning to sprint across the park. “I forgot about the fountain!!!!!!”

-------

The CP Patrol had gotten you off the fountain and were trying to calm you down, but you wouldn’t stop yelling Rafael’s name. Until out of nowhere--

“Y/N???”

You’d know that voice anywhere. You jumped out of the cop’s reach and back onto the fountain where you could see over the crowd. Your eyes frantically searched when you saw a man running towards the fountain; from across the park, and then you saw his face.

It was Rafael.

The second you locked eyes, you both just stopped moving entirely. You were pretty sure you had stopped breathing. You could see everything in those big beautiful green eyes you had the hardest time putting down on paper. You saw the same thoughts running through his head as yours:

He was real. You were real.

“Y/N!!!!!!” He finally yelled, making the crowd turn to face him. He disappeared into the sea of people as you jumped down and began tearing through them like mad. 

“RAFAEL!!!!” You screamed, knocking people over left and right. He was sprinting across the lawn, more desperate to get to you than anything in his entire life.

“Y/N!!!!!!” You heard his voice again, and this time it was so much closer. So crisp and clear, just like it was in your dreams-- But this was real. It was really happening. You gave one last push through a group of stragglers to come upon a man huffing and puffing in a cream colored suit, with a pink tie. But he seemed to lose all signs of fatigue as you hurled yourself into his arms-- his real, open arms. He spun you around and kissed you deeper and harder than he ever had in any of your encounters. 

And it was real.

You felt it even more than the most detailed of dreams, his taste, the feel of his touch, his smell. You stood there locked in a kiss for several seconds, while Olivia waved off the coppers and Shiloh had broken through the crowd to see your very real dream man.

Finally, after convincing yourself to pull away from him, you looked into his eyes. His real, green eyes. You stroked his cheek while he kept the tightest grip around your waist, as if you were going to float away if he let up one second. 

“You’re real,” You blinked back tears.

“So are you,” He held back his own tears, stroking yours away from your cheeks. 

“I love you, Rafael,” You whispered, still scared to death you’d wake up at any moment.

“I love you, YN-- my dream girl,” He smiled back, pulling you into another long kiss.

That night you had normal dreams, which you didn’t mind in the slightest; because you slept in the arms of the man of your dreams.

[straighttohellbuddy]

📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

[writerwrites]

Yuánfèn | 03

Ch. 3: Saudade: “The feeling of longing for an absent something or someone that you love but might never return.”

Summary: When you’ve lost everything and try to run away from your problems, you keep finding a way back to the one person who completely understands. Can you make another person happy with a broken heart?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader Chapter Word Count: 4.2k Chapter Warnings: Slow burn, grief, fluff, domestic fluff is strong in this chapter... ALL THE FLUFF

Series Masterlist | Series Playlist | Complete Masterlist

You hadn’t been sleeping, not really. Between bouts of crying over the piles of pictures and old love letters from the war, you were at a loss for words. A part of you was so mad at yourself for never getting to know your grandparents, not really, not on a level that truly meant something. You loved them and by the prideful placement of your graduation pictures on the coffee table by your grandmother’s reading nook there was no doubt they had loved you too or at least been proud of your accomplishments. You were no one to the world. No one thought about the person that patched up heroes and now the one person left with whom you may have been their world was also gone. You could only describe the feeling as being left adrift.

Adrift, what an odd, dark place to be. You mused in silence as you thought about life, time, and death. None of it seemed black and white to you. No one was wholly good or bad and even the flawed souls had people that cared about them at some point, conflicting as that may have been. You’d turn that thought over in your head, night after night, wine in one hand and pictures or letters in the other. It made you wonder how long it would be until you’d find a soul to remember you when you were gone, the act of having to replant yourself one that felt more like a chore than your tired body seemed to have energy for. The only person that seemingly connected to your entire existence now was a hundred-and-something year old patient that was adored by every person that knew even a fraction of his story. Every night, with that reminder in mind, you’d polish off your glass and curl up into a ball on the couch and wait for a couple hours of reprieve from the horrors of your solitary reality.

At odd hours, you and Steve would check in with each other. For the most part the pair of you had stuck to texting, you with your proof that you were eating and Steve with some balm that the team was still in one piece without you. To your surprise, he managed at least one short FaceTime every few days. This was a new and pleasant escape from your solitude that happened to include little introductions to food he’d never had and meaningless promises that you’d cook more in your tiny kitchen and bring him your leftovers to try. Maybe it was the way his face lit up when you managed to peak your head up from your bundle of hoodie and blankets, but it really felt like he understood and never judged you for how miserable you looked or for those moments where you’d simply fall silent mid-sentence. In fact, he never commented on your appearance at all. Two weeks and it felt like you learned more about him than you had in all the years as a doctor at Stark Industries.

You missed your job, kept telling him as much but Tony insisted you stay and get what you had to get done over with to prevent you from having to make multiple trips away. Stark may have claimed one thing, but your conversations with Steve made you suspicious of what he was getting into and how he was coping with Wanda’s vision. As if you were on some sort of mental health retreat. Steve wouldn’t say anything particular about it, but you noticed that his jaw went tight before commenting that there were no medical emergencies waiting for you and he’d tell you if there were. It was one of the least reassuring statements the soldier had ever given you and he seemed to notice the way your expression fell, getting off the phone awkwardly with an excuse that he remembered he had somewhere he needed to be.

Something told you that it would be the last time he would FaceTime you on your trip to Mallorca. Rather than let yourself get upset by that or hyper analyze the giddy feeling that settled in the pit of your stomach every time your phone lit up with his name, you busied yourself with all the things you should’ve been working on in the first place. It was the most productive day you’d had since getting there, but you managed to forget to both eat or slow down and rest. With little interest in laying down on the couch, still incapable of sleeping in your grandmother’s room, you decided to shower and head out to find something to eat at one of the dozens of little shops. The noise in your head was already wondering what Steve would say when you sent a picture of whatever you were eating and he realized you’d actually left the house for more than groceries or a meeting with the lawyer.

The late April air was warm and dry, a light breeze blew in the sweet scent of the Valencia red roses and lemon scented geraniums that lined the large balcony. As you towel dried your hair with a yawn, half tempted to collapse onto the couch as your stomach groaned with hunger, the doorbell chimed through the house. You looked down at the maxi dress you’d put on, a little wrinkled from being in the small suitcase, as your heart raced. You hadn’t been expecting anyone and no one had swung by to check on your grandmother, but you figured it was only a matter of time. This is fine, I’m glad she wasn’t alone, you chanted whispered over and over as you went to the door and pulled it open.

Steve rocked on his heels, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a small box wrapped in parchment paper and tied with a simple blue silk ribbon. He could hear footsteps inside and his gaze moved over the place. It wasn’t like any place he’d ever been before, more like something from a postcard, and he found himself eager to explore the streets he could hear voices coming from. Then he heard the rapid pulse and little pep talk on the other side of the door, causing the corners of his lips to turn up in a small smile. In possibly the worst attempt at a Spanish accent you’d ever heard, he managed a bashful, “Buenas tardes.”

With a gentle nudge to his shoulder, mostly to make sure you weren’t hallucinating, you managed to pick up your jaw and ask, “Tony finally send you out here to drag me back?”

“Nah, team had a lead and I want them to practice a little recon without me. I’m not too far from them and, I think, my friend needs me a little more than they need me.” He swallowed down his nerves and you tried not to stare at his Adam’s apple or the fresh stubble along his jaw. Instead you looked at the box in his hand. “Sam said this might help with the pictures and things.”

Slowly backing up you nodded for him to come in, watching him duck through the doorway that he easily filled, as you took the gift from his hand. Moving the blanket and pillow from the couch so you both could fit, you carefully opened what was a portable image scanner that would plug right into your computer. You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath, though he’d been watching you the whole time despite wanting to look around the place and he put a hand on your back, thumb rubbing across your spine as you let out a shaky breath. “It’s perfect.”

Nice things, little things, every little opportunity of letting yourself feel even a fraction of emotions seemed to make you fall apart. Steve noticed and took the gift from your hands, setting it gently on the coffee table next to your discarded laptop. “I didn’t get a breakfast or a lunch picture from you. Why don’t we go grab something to eat?”

For some reason you felt the immediate need to protest, but his hands were gently pulling you up from the couch and leading you back to the door. The sun stung your eyes when the door opened and there wasn’t a super soldier to block out the light, making you pull back into the house. Steve didn’t let go of your hand, waiting and trying to encourage you by brushing his thumb across your knuckles. “Okay.” You reassured yourself more than him, taking each step slowly as you let yourself be anchored by the man walking with casual purpose as if he knew where he was going. “Are we wandering or did you really memorize a map when you Googled the place?”

Steve smiled at you, a real smile that reached his eyes and you did your best to not cringe at how much your body naturally reacting with your own smile wracked you with guilt or how obvious it was that he knew by his fingers lacing through yours as he held on just a little tighter. Even when you turned down a little street you hadn’t explored and he pulled out a chair for you at a quaint little bistro you were still smiling. “So, I know what tapas are and with some googling this is supposed to be one of the best places for them.”

Time and again, something normal slipping from this man’s mouth couldn’t help but make you stare at him in awe. “Well, do you like spicy food? Tapas are great and patatas bravas are spicy. You can’t go wrong with the classic tortilla de patata though.” A waitress passed you both a menu and you ordered a café con leche and Steve politely nodded to have the same. “You know you just asked for espresso with milk, right?”

His face went a little pink as he admitted, “I thought café was coffee?” Attempting to hold in your laughter, the small sound that did escape you was muffled by the sound of melodic guitar pouring through the open doors and windows of the restaurant. “If I would’ve known that you were all alone in a postcard I would’ve asked Sam to check on Benton sooner.”

“Benton?” Your head tilted to the side as the waitress set your espressos between you and you processed, while asking her for a coffee with cream and sugar on the side.

“I told you that I’d end up naming your fish if you didn’t. Thomas Hart Benton is an American painter… pretty famous, but probably not an everyday kind of name if you aren’t really into the Regionalist art movement.” Steve waited until the waitress walked away before trying the espresso, his nose scrunching like a kid trying a sip of beer and finding out it tasted nothing like juice.

“You are full of surprises, aren’t you?” Hiding your smile behind your own espresso, you stole another glance at him, catching his bright blue eyes on you for just a moment before pulling away to the colorful scenery. “You’re  lucky you showed up when you did. I was torn between a nap and finding something to eat.”

“Is the espresso so you don’t fall asleep on the table?”

Burying your face in your hands you tried to hide your embarrassment. “It’s not that I’m not ecstatic to see you or that you’re not amazing company.”

Your hands muffled your words and Steve reached over and pulled them down. “It’s fine. I understand. You can get your nap in after you eat something.”

To your surprise, he kept reaching out for your hand between bites and light conversation. By the time you were done eating the waitress was hovering, now seemingly aware of who he was. Despite the looks and flirting on her end, he kept his attention on you, insisted on paying, and walked you back to the house. A part of you thought you’d wake up from the dream when you walked through the door but he followed you, only letting your hand go to close the door. “There’s a lot of books to read. I’ll probably only sleep for like an hour.”

“Sleep as long as you need to, Darling. I can sit out here and read or if you’d like me to help scan things onto your computer, I could do that too.” Steve’s smile fell as you buried your face in your hands and started to cry. “Hey, I don’t have to touch a thing. Whatever you need.”

His arms wrapped around you when his attempts to gently pull your hands from your face failed. Just as he’d done before, one hand caressed your back and the other stroked your hair until you settled into the hug. “I’m sorry, you’re just being nice and I’m exhausted.” Craning your neck to look up at him, you caught the glimmer of tears in his own eyes. You didn’t have to wonder who he missed, knowing that probably every person he’d cared about was gone or moved on in the time he was frozen. “I’ve been sleeping on the couch.”

Steve took in a breath, trying to steady himself as he looked over at the couch, remembering the pillow and blanket you’d moved for you two to sit earlier. “This whole time? Is there not a bed?”

Swallowing you hid your face, “There’s a bed, but it smells like her.”

“C’mon.” Steve cautiously pulled you out of the hug, “Show me where it is. I’ll be your pillow and you can get some proper sleep.”

You were in shock; confused, physically and emotionally exhausted, and then he was taking your hand and pulling you toward his best guess at the direction of the bedroom. After opening the door to the bathroom and office, Steve pushed open the door to the bedroom. Reluctantly and barely over a whisper, you muttered a quiet, “Okay.”

He stepped out of his boots and climbed onto the bed, taking up nearly the whole thing, before he reached out for you. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Nodding you climbed in next to him and he pulled you right into his chest. His thumb and palms wiped the damp from your cheeks before brushing your hair from your face. Steve waited, holding your face, gently brushing your jaw as you settled in at his side, your head far away from anything that could shock your senses with nostalgia and grief. “Comfy?”

It didn’t seem to matter that you had to hike your dress up to your knees or that ‘comfy’ meant your legs were tangled up in his. The blankets being under the pair of you didn’t seem to matter either, when you were warm against his abnormally warm chest that, despite being solid muscle, still felt more comfortable than the pillow you’d been resting your head on every night. Steve’s long broad frame dwarfed you, giving you the sense of safety you hadn’t felt since before you’d lost your family. His fingertips drew an invisible map across your bare arms and you hummed a nearly inaudible ‘mmhm’ as your eyes fluttered closed. There were a million things you wanted to tell him, but as he took you in his arms and seemingly unleashed the jar of butterflies in your stomach, you almost instantly fell asleep to the sound of his steady pulse under your ear while he engulfed you in the scent of clean laundry and bar soap.

Steve stayed by your side, as promised, and despite the time difference and the Quinjet negating typical travel time from the States to Europe, he found himself comfortable and exhausted. Maybe it was seeing how broken you were to be sitting in a space of memories, displaced by the absence of everything you held dear, something he knew too well; but he found himself incapable of slipping out of the bed or even moving to reposition you so that he could give you some blankets. Until this moment he’d chalked up all of his thoughts of you to Natasha’s pestering to ask someone, anyone, on a date. As his blue eyes closed, he replayed your smile in the sunlight at the table, the breeze blowing the scent of your shampoo and espresso at him. God, he thought as he drifted to sleep, he should’ve asked you to dance.

When you woke up, disoriented by the darkness and a soft blue-white glow over your head, you found Steve staring at his phone, free hand absentmindedly stroking your hair. Your arm was wrapped tightly around his and the sudden realization that you were clinging to him for dear life made you relax. He looked down at you surprised. “I really thought you’d sleep through the night. Are you hungry again? It’s only eight.”

It was painfully domestic and you hated yourself for not wanting to get out of bed. It felt too much like borrowed time and you nodded, hiding your face in his side as you tried not to think about the reality outside of these four walls where you both would eventually leave back to your respective jobs. The certainty that things would go back to how they were the moment you were back in Stark Tower felt like a new pain you weren’t ready to confront. “I can make-”

“We are both hungry.” He’d interrupted you with a sleep-laced haze to his quiet voice. “We’ll cook together.”

Propping yourself up on your elbow, you gave him a studied look. “Full of surprises.” Reluctantly climbing out of bed, you stretched, feeling his eyes on you as the dress fell down your thighs back to your feet. Steve slipped into the bathroom and you heard him immediately turn the water on. Trying not to think too much into it, you put on some music and started pulling out the fresh feta, garlic, basil, and tomatoes you’d picked out at the store.

When he was done, Steve leaned against the wall of the hallway, listening to you singing along to the song, the corner of his mouth turned up as he tried to not interrupt what looked like a little moment of happiness. He could hear Sam’s laugh when he walked into your apartment to pick up the key and see where everything was. It was a laugh he’d given Bucky when he tried to play off asking the prettiest girl in school was a bet and not because he really liked her; the laugh of a friend that knew the truth but was willing to let you feign ignorance a little longer.

When you turned around, you nearly dropped the pot of water and at least half of it splashed onto you. Steve waved his hands in an apology. “I can boil water. I’ll clean this up.” His hand brushed over the soft curves of your hips as he apologized and shooed you out of the kitchen.

The person that looked back at you in the bathroom mirror wasn’t the one you’d seen every day since your arrival- or even in the last three years. You looked rested, despite your hair being a bit of a mess, and the small smile that no longer made your face ache wouldn’t seem to subside. The voice in your head tried to scold you back to reality telling you that this was the most loyal and old fashioned man on earth and that if you hadn’t sent him your location and seemed like a mess for weeks he wouldn’t have shown up. Swapping one dress for another, trying to make your hair sit right, and putting on some tinted chapstick and mascara, you came out looking like a new person and found the kitchen deserted. “Steve?”

For a moment you felt like an idiot, thinking you may have literally dreamt up his presence out of boredom and loneliness. Then he stuck his head in through the balcony door, already talking. “It’s too nice to eat inside.” You watched him visibly pick up his mouth. “You look… I feel underdressed.” You wrapped your hands around yourself about to apologize and offer to change before he said, “No, no. You look beautiful. I’m just… I’ve never really seen you not in scrubs, y’know.” He scratched at his blonde hair and nodded to the balcony.

When you stepped out you found the pasta plated, wine poured, and silverware set neatly on napkins. He’d even picked a few of the roses and placed them in a small glass of water. “How long was I in there?”

With a shrug, Steve pulled the chair out for you and when you sat down and looked up at him, waiting for an answer that he didn’t give, you watched him hesitate before going to sit opposite you. Your tongue ran across your lips, more out of the butterflies wishing you had kissed him than the smell of the food making your mouth water. “So, what do Spaniards say instead of ‘bon appétit’?”

“I think, qué aproveche, but I grew up saying buen provecho.” Steve picked up his glass and you did the same. “Salud!” You cheersed, tapping your glass against his. At first you kept quiet, the pair of you digging in with hums of satisfaction, but as your leg started to bounce under the table you found the question you didn’t want to know the answer to pour past your lips, “Are you just waiting for the team to send the extraction message?”

Steve’s fork hung from his mouth a little and he swallowed. “Yes and no? I have the Quinjet, so I’ll have to get them when they’re ready, but it could be days or longer. It could mean that I need to grab the shield and get to work.” The reality of the danger the team was in with the Maximoff twins working for HYDRA wasn’t lost on him, but two things currently felt more important. First, he needed to find Bucky and do whatever he could to save him. Second, he couldn’t leave you to cope with your grief alone. He’d seen so many people lose someone they loved and though he’d initially told himself that this was his way of doing the same thing Tony had done to help a co-worker through an unbearable situation, Steve was slowly settling into the reality that he looked forward to any time of day you gave him. “But I wanted to be here for you and I know the team can handle following a few leads without me. However long you need me and the rest of the world doesn’t, you’ve got me.”

You bit your lip, eyebrows drawing together, still telling yourself this was Steve doing a favor for a friend and to not read into what he was saying. It hurt, but you felt yourself trying to put up a wall to stop yourself from seeing the kindness of someone you happened to find attractive as more than just kindness. For a moment, you stopped to sip the wine, take a few more bites, and calm down your nerves. Just as he’d done at the bistro, he reached his hand across the table, waiting for you to take it. “I still think that I need you.” Whatever this was, you knew he had given you the first manageable day since you went adrift with fresh grief.

He watched you take his hand, studying your small fingers and how they wrapped around three of his, clinging to him like you had in your sleep. “I still think you need me, too.” But he held it in, trying to focus on you and not confess that he thought maybe, for the first time since he woke up from the ice, he felt like someone really saw him.

The conversation was lighter from there and the two of you decided to walk the cobbled streets to where he’d left the Quinjet so that he could get his bag and gear. As you walked back, hand in hand, you slowed down as a young musician plucked out a beautiful and intricate song on his Spanish guitar. “Can we just… just for a moment. My grandparents would’ve never walked away from this.”

Setting his shield, conveniently hidden in a leather case, and his duffel bag next to the musician, Steve came back to you and held out his hand. “I have no idea how to dance to this, but I’d love to learn if you’ll give me a chance.”

It took every ounce of self-control to not bypass his hands and place yours on either side of his neck so that you could pull his mouth down to yours. A soft, nervous laugh passed your lips, “Full of surprises.” A boyish smile spread across his lips as he did his best to learn and three songs later, the two of you settled into the easy slow dancing that disregarded everything else around you, including time and the small crowd that had joined what, to all others, appeared to be two young lovers lost in their own world.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I’m still shooting for posting a new chapter every Sunday. I would love feedback from you. Do you think they’ll put up a wall before admitting they have feelings? Is someone going to crack first? What’s going to happen when they’re back at the little villa or Stark Tower? I’d love to know where you think this is going.

I mentioned this last time, but while I do keep Reader vague, I’m a Latina. If you know the history of Venezuela, then you also know its political climate in the last 30+ years has led to a mass diaspora, which is why Reader (who like me was raised in the U.S. with family abroad) has some different phrases than typical Spaniards for things. I hope that my Latinx readers don’t mind and that my non-Latinx readers will stick around.

Divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics​​​

I will be reblogging with tags, send an ask if you’d like to be added either to the series or to my overall tag list.

[foodbytesback]

The Life and Times of That Wine Guy

I’ve spent enough time on the Internet to think that I can tell a shitposter from a genuinely weird person.  But recently, an account has been plaguing my timeline that has been blurring that line: @thatwineguy68 

His first tweet was on January 25th, and since then he has posted multiple times a day (he tweeted 10 times in the first day alone), all usually following the same format.  A short, vague comment about how much he loves wine that reads similarly to something your grandma would put on Facebook, rife with unnecessary hashtags.  Then, two images: one, a simple stock photo of wine.  The other? His ghastly visage.  A smile composed of teeth that are just slightly too big, in a mouth just slightly off-center from where the outline of his goatee would suggest the mouth should be.  Eyes with pupils so dilated that the whites are barely even visible, outlined by eyebrows that form perfect semicircles.  Perfectly featureless skin like a porcelain doll. A shirt so crumpled you could have told me he did a magic wine spell to take the wrinkles off his face and put them in his shirt, and I’d believe you.  Ears that seem to be getting sucked into a black hole.  Nose that has been airbrushed out of existence.  The fact that it’s a car selfie.  (EDIT: I have since been informed that the picture is a heavily edited version of someone else entirely’s profile picture, which has been used with permission.)

Some of the tweets were blatantly not true.

On January 28th he made an obligatory Stonks reference.

As the tweets went on, he eventually began developing a bit of lore.  On February 3rd, he first mentioned his now ex-wife, Melissa.

Eventually someone began roleplaying as Melissa.  A quick scroll through her account reveals that That Wine Guy’s full name is Chandler Johnston, however it’s impossible to tell if the person running this account is officially in on the bit or not so I have no choice but to deem this as non-canonical.  

As he dwelled on his failed marriage, he had… an epiphany.

He would officially come out two days later

Overall this had little to do with anything.

What would end up changing the direction of the account, however, was his contemplation of the ultimate taboo: can a man… become wine?

Much as he had consumed the wine, he now was consumed by the idea of being wine.

On February 9th, he announced that finally, the time had come.  He sealed himself away in a wine barrel to become one with the life-giving elixir he had so dearly cherished.  His pinned tweet is now a simple gif of said wine barrel, dimly lit by flickering candlelight.

Some would say that this is the end of That Wine Guy’s story.  However, a quick google search says that wine fermentation takes about 2-3 weeks, so something tells me we’ll be seeing, or perhaps… drinking? more of him soon.  And some might say that to have him come out, only to disappear two days later counts as the “bury your gays” trope, but again, this isn’t death we’re talking about here, this is a rebirth.

So here we are, raising a glass of that red stuff (yup, that means #wine) to you, That Wine Guy.  We wish you the best of luck in your transfiguration.

[vtmb2s]

I had this from an ask meme from like 2 months ago or so and deleted the og post, I dunno why -_-  anyway it was in my google docs so I’m reposting it

🔥

How did they first meet? What was their first impression of each other?

You know… fun Zion Canyon trip!! (credit for this one goes to Dany cause I don’t have good ideas but the whole ordeal would actually happen pre-game, because that’s when the courier would most likely sign up for a caravan I think) 

Audrey thought Follows-Chalk was just messing with her when he said who they were gonna meet, no way this guy is still alive. Needless to say she hates him, she’s heard enough horrendous things about him in her NCR days to form her opinion. He didn’t like her much either aaaghhh how can you see through my fake atonement thing where I’m basically doing the same as before. (she doesn’t really see through it initially, she’s just too stubborn to buy the whole redemption arc thing from the beginning and ends up realizing that she just happened to be right). Understanding why she doesn’t trust him but also resenting that. 

Who felt romantic feelings first?

fjjhdsjhd he does probably, vaguely. She has a much harder time accepting it considering his background and all that, so that came later.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

YEAH! Both actually, enemies to vaguely friends to lovers and all that but like I said, Audrey has a much harder time coming to terms with this, she feels a little stupid about it because she knows what this guy has done!!! ( and he knows that, hence why he’s pushing it all down in favor of his stupid little revenge thing) He’s so weird and just looks like a mummy, what is there to like objectively. But she does. What thematic parallels do to a mfer 😔

Who initiated the relationship?

She did… Canyon visit nr 2, she technically fucking hates it there but for some reason she wants to go back (well. you know why), perhaps just a little vacation. And well there was clearly something there so why act on it. The most embarrassing moment of her life but it’s worth it I suppose. 

Who said “I love you” first?

Also her… Sorry queen you have to do all the work

Who gets jealous easily?

I think him but not in a way where he’d say anything, he’s just like 😐 but you can’t see it because. bandages. And Audrey has no competition lol so. 

Who is more protective?

Also him, she gets into more stupid shit and isn’t as crazy. 

Who remembers the little things?

She does :)

Who uses the cheesier pickup lines?

God neither. They’re too weird for pickup lines. If anything Audrey would list a few bad ones she overheard on the strip as a joke.

What does a first date look like for them?

They don’t go on dates lmao. What is there to do in a canyon, they’d just go to some random place where there are no other people and talk about whatever.

What do they like to do together?

Just mundane things, doing random shit while one is talking about whatever. A lot of times it’s just Audrey chatting about something funny or weird that happened to her on her travels while she puts on one of her favorite holotapes and does something, her stories are more light-hearted after all :/

Other than that… nothing too insane, they’re too weird to have proper hobbies. Her making him read his stupid mormon bible out loud so she can hear his sexy grandpa voice 😍

Do they like PDA?

No -_- maybe hand holding when no one’s looking, if anything. 

What are their big spoon / little spoon arrangements?

God he’s probably gonna die if she tries to spoon.

Does one like the cuddle more than the other?

She does but it’s not really possible sometimes. Leans against him until he's like aha. okay that’s enough :/

Who hogs the blankets?

Audrey does. She never sleeps much when she’s travelling so when she finally does get a proper night’s rest it’s limbs thrown around. Taking the entire blanket for herself. Sleeping for 20 years.

Do either of them like to cook?

I can’t imagine either, she just does it out of necessity. She can’t cook though, it’s blamco mac and cheese every mf day.

If they get married, who proposes first?

Godddd realistically he would at least think about it but they don’t get married lol. The mental image of it makes me cringe too much.

What kind of wedding do they have?

:/

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Does anyone object to their relationship? 

NO LMAOOOOO no one wanted them to get together and pretty much everyone would object to it if they knew. She probably doesn’t tell her family but if they knew they’d be against it, for obvious reasons. She doesn’t tell her friends either except Callisto lol, who thinks it’s epic somehow. Great Khan past and all that, not that she agrees with the legion in any way but 🤷‍♀️

Do they have any kids?

Maybe they do… maybe not. Who knows, I don’t control them.

(I made up two but Idek if they exist. a son named Ben and a daughter, Rachel. they’re weird and that’s all you need to know)

Do they have any pets?

I was gonna say no but she still has Rex who she forgot to return to the King 💔

DIANA/KING

How did they first meet? What was their first impression of each other?

In the followers' camp, not long after she moved to Freeside :) iirc the King tells a story about how he went to the Followers Camp to seek help regarding Rex and ended up yelling at them and even knocking out a few doctors.. something similar, one of his guys got their ass beat and the King got impatient and asked why tf this is taking so long. And Diana told him to sit his ass down and wait, which resulted in an argument 🙄 As for the first impression. Diana thought he was just your typical annoying man, maybe sexy and in a cooler suit than the guys on the strip, but annoying nonetheless. And the King thought she was being rude and had a big mouth. But again, kind of in a sexy way.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

THE KING… pretty quickly actually. A few months after the argument they had at the old mormon fort. For Diana on the hand it took a little bit longer :/

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Hm not really, but like I said Diana didn’t really fall that fast for him. She met him shortly after she left the Gomorrah (she was a dancer, not a prostitute but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t seen and experienced some shit) so she’s not really thinking about men and pretty much ignores him flirting with her (also he stops once he finds out about her past lol). She figures she likes him because they do have the same principles and something about being good people in a shitty world and all that so there’s a lot of admiration there, also their shared love for music and stuff. Elvis things. But she’s trying to heal from the shit she witnessed at the strip so no thanks!! Until… until...

Who initiated the relationship?

Well… technically him, he was the first one to flirt with her probably but she never really paid any attention to it. The actual relationship though.. her.

Who said “I love you” first?

Diana but I think he would have said it too… she was just faster 😌

Who gets jealous easily?

Both do. She’s sexy so nasty old men will flirt with her while she’s doing her job but the King doesn’t have to know that because he would be MAD. Diana on the hand will act like she’s mad at him when random people are being a little too friendly with him -_-

Who is more protective?

HE IS… that one text post about saying “that’s my wife” and punching someone. Yeah.

Who remembers the little things?

He does :) Little things she likes, her favorite song or stupid little things she finds funny… sigh

Who uses the cheesier pickup lines?

THE KING but unironically. Some Elvis shit, telling her she got him “all shook up” or something and she’s into it!!!

What does a first date look like for them?

He wouldn’t say this counts (she would) but technically that one time she was doing some random music thing with her freeside kids for fun and he showed up to talk to her and Diana was like. Hey wait, why don’t you stay and sing something for these kids :-) it was stupid but fun I guess and they hung out after, her saying how impressed she was because her kids were having a good time and so was she :)

What do they like to do together?

Like on the (unofficial) first date, doing random performances together. I guess he can sing (I think?? all Elvis impersonators can sing in my mind) and she’s a dancer so.. fun!! Other than that, watching random Kings member #58 perform on their little stage, going to ugly Freeside Casinos and leaving immediately after they lose 3 caps, just fun things!! Also he likes to listen to her talking about random stuff she read in her magazines. 

Do they like PDA?

Fuck yeah… Diana constantly having her legs in his lap whenever possible, him having his arm around her shoulders or on her waist all the time. Physical contact but in a cool way. 

What are their big spoon / little spoon arrangements?

They wouldn’t spoon I think but she’d sleep on his arm :) wakes up and it’s numb but that’s okay

Does one like the cuddle more than the other?

Like I said. constant physical contact (but in a cool way) but actual cuddling WOULD be a thing in private.

Who hogs the blankets?

Diana -_-

Do either of them like to cook?

l can’t imagine him being able to cook but she can. Yes I do the cooking yes I do the cleaning. 

If they get married, who proposes first?

There’s no real proposal probably, It would just come up in a conversation and they’d decide to have one of these quick Las Vegas weddings.

What kind of wedding do they have?

Again. One of these quick Las Vegas weddings… people get married by the King but who marries HIM 😔 (probably one of the other kings). It’s not much but it fits them, I don’t think huge wasteland weddings are much of a thing anyway (or weddings in general) sooo...

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Does anyone object to their relationship? 

No one objected, except maybe annoying ass Pacer for literally no reason and some random followers :/ As for Pippa and Isabel (Diana’s besties), they didn’t meet before she started dating the king so they obviously weren’t rooting for them to get together but they wouldn’t object to it either, I think. Isabel certainly doesn’t, she likes the King and thinks they fit. Idk what Pippa thinks she’s not my oc, but I don’t think she’d object to it either.

Do they have any kids?

NO lmao. No biological ones at least, Diana has her Freeside orphans though that she takes care of (kinda), they’re basically her kids. She even refers to them as such :-)

Do they have any pets?

Heh… Rex :-)

GEORGIE/C*RVO

How did they first meet? What was their first impression of each other?

In the distillery district 😳 On the first mission, Georgie prob caught him sneaking around her clinic (by accident) and was like. WTF get out with your creepy mask… wait ACTUALLY since you’re good at sneaking can you get me [random thing for her medical research that she has tried to get her hands on for ages] and i can give you a discount on health potions and free leeches 😏 NPC behavior… 

Georgie thought the mask looked fucked up and he seemed mysterious but well. She meets strange people every day so 🤷‍♀️ Also she thinks it’s kind of sexy. He thought she was a bit strange, but ig he liked her. She’s funny. 

Who felt romantic feelings first?

GEORGIE. relatively quickly actually, she really likes him early on but she doesn’t really say anything with Jess’ death being so recent :/ He does… later on, about two or three years after dh1, probably when she’s on official business in dunwall tower (YES underqualified royal physician Georgie is a thing now 💕) and she remarks a random cut he has on his cheek & turns his face to get a closer look and he’s like 😳😳😳😳 why do I like that she just did that. Love Wins.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Her kind of, again with the whole Jessamine thing because it was so recent and she’s like aaagh i'm not gonna hit on a guy in mourning so she tries to ignore it 😐 

Who initiated the relationship?

GOD technically Georgie, she didn’t say anything of course because she’s too weird but she does kiss him first... and makes him leave right after :/

Who said “I love you” first?

He does… Georgie would NEVER say it first and doesn’t say it right back immediately but. He knows she’s weird about things so it’s okay.

Who gets jealous easily?

Her. That is a thing. 

Who is more protective?

Both :-) 

Who remembers the little things?

Also both but mostly him. Remembering the weird little things she offhandedly mentioned she likes. Or her little plague research things. 

Who uses the cheesier pickup lines?

Both but they’d just whisper them to each other for funsies when they’re somewhere. In public.

What does a first date look like for them?

They wouldn’t have a proper official first date but it’d likely be some random event they’d both be at when she’s the royal physician (I don’t think she’d get invited to anything but well. Maybe the Boyles run out of crazy things to do at their parties and invite her) Or taking a walk at Dunwall’s somewhat nicer-looking docks. Something boring. 

What do they like to do together?

Also boring things. They’re old, nothing too crazy. Chatting about random stuff whenever she’s over at Dunwall tower, taking walks in the gardens together and watching ships or something, talking shit about aristocrats that they find annoying or just about weird hobbies, maybe she can bring him along to meet her friends (who he already knows) to look at rats in alleyways but he eats them idk. Summons a whole swarm of rats but they end up trying to kill them 

Do they like PDA?

NO. I don’t think she’d be too much into the whole ~aristocrat life~ after becoming the royal physician and just does business-related things but neither would want people talking about this. Semi-secret relationship for no reason and they’re both more private sooo

What are their big spoon / little spoon arrangements?

She’s the little spoon.. likes being held :)

Who hogs the blankets?

He does -_-

Do either of them like to cook?

No lol

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Does anyone object to their relationship? 

I think the only person really knowing of this is Marzanna (AGAIN. by dany… Georgie is also besties with Slackjaw… the Rat Smackers. but she wouldn’t tell him about this lol), who would probably not object to it?? but I don’t think anyone else would be rooting for them. I guess Emily likes her as her cool doctor but NO WAY that’s gonna be her stepmom :/

Do they have any kids?

No :/

Do they have any pets?

Georgie has a cat. Not together though, Pluto is hers.

[otogetranslations]

Announcing of Dropping DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE;BLOOD

To sum things up:

Someone leaked the Diabolik Lovers Limited V Edition patch, posting it publicly despite all our warnings and requests. Thus we are following through with our original policy.

We’re stopping every projects related to Diabolik Lovers, including further support for Limited V Edition, and there won’t be a patch for More;Blood.

Collar x Malice Unlimited will still be released, but privately. After all, you guys will get the English version of it from Aksys for the switch next year!

I (the leader of otogetranslations) will still be helping other translators with their projects: Brothers Conflict, Hakuoki SSL. How the patch is gonna be distributed is up to their respective leaders (coquettishcat for Hakuoki SSL, and PassionandBrilliance for Brothers Conflict).

No more Black Wolves Saga. This project I (Reishiki) started by asking permission to use existing translation from orlandoblue @tumblr, Siberia (twitter.com/bakemeatz). The patch of Black Wolves Saga Bloody Nightmare is to be completed soon. But it’s no more.

Read on if you wanted to know what really happened:

As you all know, we released DIABOLIK LOVERS LIMITED V EDITION fan translation patch this August 16th, 2019 for homebrew enabled/hacked Playstation vita, and only for people that have proof or purchasing the game.

There are over 50 people who showed us the proof of purchasing the game and they received the patch for free. All we asked was for you to actually buy the game before you can play it with a hacked playstation vita.

Our 30-people team worked on the patch for 10 months. We only used outsource translation for 8/277 total scripts. Our in-house hacker did the romhacking process, our in-house proofreaders proofed the translation, our recruited translators worked on the translation. Everything was done by us and it’s our team effort. So we have the right to decide how we’re gonna distribute it.

However, on August 20th, 2019. Rojaaalice on reddit r/vitapiracy posted a thread, asking the patch to be given to them for free (without purchasing the game). A lot of people who frequent this subreddit accused us of being Gatekeepers, while all we’re doing is asking for proof of purchasing the game (not the patch, the patch is 100% free). Is buying the game you play wrong? Is asking for a proof of purchasing something you play gatekeeping, when we could have chosen to not share the patch at all in the first place?

I don’t think so.

But, this person, SilicaAndPina (https://twitter.com/SiliCart) is not happy with how we distribute our patch. He said that we should keep the vita hacking scene free, we can’t ask for people to buy anything to be able to get the PATCH that we worked on. He doesn’t play otome games in general, and he doesn’t even know what otome games is.

He started to trick me into giving the patch to him, by making a fake proof of purchase with a cloned gmail account. I noticed the proof was fake and didn’t give it to him. Then he got mad and sent this (WARNING: GORE IMAGE) to me. He stated that he will leak the patch eventually.

He attempted to acquire the patch once again with a different fake proof this time. I also noticed this and we trolled him by sending him a FAKE patch. We left the prologue in English and put ridiculous/crack fanfiction in other parts. He thought it was real and distributed it, declared he has won over us.

He thought he tricked us but no, we weren’t being tricked by his half-assed effort. 

Today, August 22nd, there is someone from the DiaLover Fandom that received the real patch sent it over to him. I’m sorry to say that the patch would be leaked eventually, one way or another, because if someone really wants to leak it, they could buy the physical copy, take a photo with it and send it to us. Then they can sell the game to get the money back. 

So, we lost.

But to the one that sent the patch to him, lost to the malice of this world, and not to him. 

I had envisioned this would happen when I first started the project. So I’m not surprised. I had a small ray of hope this wouldn’t happen so soon, but I was wrong. 

As we’ve stated before, we will cease every project translation related to DIABOLIK LOVERS.

No more patches of DIABOLIK LOVERS will be made from us, at least when I’m the leader of that project (as well as the leader of otogetranslations): Reishiki.

I’m proud to say our patch was enjoyed and praised by people that bought the game and received the patch.

I (Reishiki) will still be supporting other translators if they need it, but I won’t start any new project from now on (in which could be AMNESIA LATER/CROWD/WORLD, VARIABLE BARRICADE - these games I completed extracting the texts with our inhouse hacker’s help, and I planned to announce we would start one of these projects soon. But… I’m sorry to say that it’s no more. At least it won’t be made available to the public.)

Thank you everyone for your support.

These are our team members opinions:

JokerTrap-Ran: I think I just lost faith in the community as a whole again, coming back after 4 years. I hope you’re happy! This was really demoralising and I hope ya’ll had fun putting us down like that. I’m not one for drama and honestly I’d very much like to stay out of it considering the bad medicine bashing that happened on otome reddit about 3 years ago. I’ll continue releasing translations for blog’s followers but that’s it. I’m whimsical, and most of my followers know it. I pick things and I drop it all the same. 

Khikari: For those who thinks that what we have committed is blasphemy and should be shut down for this, great, please take the time to learn Japanese yourself. Or learn to care about other people with emotions for once in you life. Demoralising people who were willing to work endless hours for free with just one condition sure is satisfying, isn’t it? It really hurt all of us. For those who genuinely cared and are saddened by this post, I am sorry and I wish the best for you all. I know that the few doesn’t represent all but this is a massive motivation killer, and I don’t need this drama in my life. From now on, private translations all the way! Also, Silica, attacking an idea is fine, but attacking people with malicious intent is stepping out of line. Enjoy being a rock specimen.

LoliChan195: I hope you are happy with what you have done! We only wanted to bring this out for people that had difficulties playing the game, and also help support Rejet by having more people buy their games. Its people like you that cause all these game companies to go bankrupt! (Also SiliCar, you sick fuck. Who sends pictures like that!? XD you’re probably just some edgy 12yr old XD Besides, who says WE WILL NOT FORGIVE XD what a dumbass! And is it that hard to search on google about the game? Why would we make it so it specifically needs to be the limited edition?!?! ) Seriously, the people who attacked us for putting the rule out are just as bad, like can’t you just wait and buy the game? Or even if u just pirate it, read online translations. Its not that hard! 

Hermy: Nothing much to say, except, ya’ll could have totes pirated the game and played it along the translations available on the net. Welp, I hope you don’t dislike that idea too much because that’s what ya’ll gonna need to do if ya’ll wanna play the sequels.

PS: the MB translations available on the net are riddled with errors, but by all means have fun with them :)

Anon: Oh yes, silica? Perhaps you should just lead on with your true intentions next time instead of trying to honey your words and do some "re-con"  for dots, yeah? 

Marzi: I'm a bit numb to this situation at this point, but it is disheartening to know Silica was so intent on distributing our translations that he didn't stop even when we threatened to cease all translations. It wasn't like he was ever going to play the game - he just felt so personally offended by the fact that we were "gatekeeping" for some reason - which, in my opinion, is a bit of an immature reason to ruin a translation group. You can't argue that we're "unrightfully holding something when we don't have the intellectual rights," when you're bypassing all copyright laws as well in wanting to post it PUBLICALLY. But what's done is done - whoever manages to get a copy of this, I hope you enjoy it. Please know so much effort and passion went into these translations, and that we loved working on this project every bit of the way. If the game leaves you antsy for More Blood well LOL you know who prevented that from happening.

Sonic-nancy-fan: I never knew someone could have such an illogical mindset. Silica/PSSDude made the original base repatch program, and we used one that someone had edited and added to (which Silica was fine with). But, because he made the original one, that means he feels like HE can getekeep all uses of variations of it. This would be like saying people can’t use paper to make a paper airplane because the original creator of paper said no, or you can’t print manga because Gutenberg said no. Also, who in the world thinks they can take a moral high-ground by telling us to promote piracy? Patches are already a sort of grey area, so we were trying to take the most legal method available while still making a patch. I know in modern society, piracy is very common, but I can’t imagine your average person would call us in the wrong for trying to hinder piracy. God forbid we try to get people to buy Diabolik Lovers. I can’t say I’m shocked as I expected it to get leaked sometime. I’m just saddened at certain people’s general hate and unyielding desire to leak it. So, I don’t blame the community as a whole, nor do I feel any malice toward the community (we had a lot of people buy the game and get excited). I’m just mad at very specific spiteful people. Also, if I ever hear someone say “the scene” as much as Silica, I’m going to go nuts. It sounds like something the “cool guy” in an 80’s show would say.

[onisiondrama]

“Onision's Dad: Randy Daniel (Pathological Liar & Child Abuser)” SUMMARY PART 2

(Note 1: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those. Note 2: This is just a summary of Onision / James’ video plus screen shots from his video. I’m not accusing anyone or defending anyone. These are James’ accusations.)

- James says he never beat his mom. “That should tell you something, Randy.” - He reads a quote from Randy that said James was just starting the Onision thing when he was living with them. James says that’s a lie. He reads that Randy offered to send him to LA film school. James asks, “When the hell did that happen?” He says this is the first of him hearing of this. He points out he was only 15. “You tried to send a 15-year-old to film school?” He says he registered his website as soon as he started it. He goes to the Wayback machine to show it was around from 2005 to the present day. He goes through the first version of the site and points out he never mentioned Randy. - (Beat up his dad story) James reads Randy’s version of events and counters with his own. We’ve head it 1,000 times so I’m not going to type it. He points out parts of Randy’s story that does not make sense. He draws pictures:

Randy (left) is choking James. The lines on his face is supposed to be the blood dripping from his face after James beat him. Deborah (left) is trying to pull off James’ boots.

The next few images don’t really translate well to screen shots because he draws a lot of arrows while he speaks, so I’m not going to post them. They just look like circles with a bunch of arrows. He goes through his version of events while drawing, then he goes through Randy and Deborah’s to show it does not make sense. His main point is they’re too fat to fit through the center of the car at the same time.

- The article says Randy and Deborah hired an attorney to try to work out a settlement to only get James probation. James asks if they would have had to press charges in the first place in order for him to be charged. - He Googles about memory loss as a defense mechanism from trauma to explain why he wasn’t able to articulate what had happened when the police came to get him after the incident. He says he was able to remember what happened later on. - Deborah says James never took responsibility until he was in juvie. She says they sat with him at a table with guards watching and he was acting like a normal, scared kid. James says Randy was the one who was scared. He says Randy had a bloody eye and Randy told James he almost broke his collarbone. He says they were the upset ones. He was upset when he had to leave juvie because he’d rather live with his mom than them. - The article says James accused Randy of looking through his journal and computer. Randy admitted to looking through his journal. James laughs and says, “he finally admits it!” He says Randy lied about it then. Randy said they were trying to figure out what was wrong with him and they thought he was on drugs. James laughs and says he’s straight edge. Randy denied looking though the computer files and says James did not have a computer. James says Randy just erased the computer from existence. He points out Randy said James invented Onision while living there, but now he says he didn’t have a computer. James says he had a computer back home and he had a computer when he lived with Randy. He says he’s obsessed with computers. He says pathological liars lie about things that don’t make sense. - Randy says he was not invited to James and Skye’s wedding, but they spent time in Washington state after. James says they didn’t and Skye could confirm this. He says the only time Skye met his dad was in Oklahoma City. - Randy says the last time they spoke, James was military police in Korea, but wanted to change to non-combatant with only three months left. James says Randy is just making stuff up. Randy says he told James that was a horrible idea and to hang in there and let the military pay your way back. James says the military pays your way back regardless. James shows his discharge papers to prove he did not have 3 months left. He joined April 2005. He shows he designed the SERE website in 2005. He was discharged October 2008. He was supposed to be there until April 2009. He says that was 6 months, not 3 months. He says he started thinking about leaving after he admitted he was suicidal in early 2008. He was in the relieve of duty squad to for about 9 months until they processed his papers and let him out. - Deborah says all the calls stopped after the military and they couldn’t get a hold of him anymore. She says they were ghosted. James says when he was 19 he left them a message saying he didn’t want to talk to them anymore because his dad is not a good person. He says Skye witnessed this. - They say the legal advise they got when James started talking about Randy in videos was they could not do anything because he never used their names. James says they used their own names (first and last) in the article, so now they are public figures. He says they know if they brought him to court, he could bring Randy’s victims to testify and that would ruin their life more. - Randy says he doesn’t remember the last time he talked to James. James says they just said they did and he points to when Deborah said the calls stopped. - The article says Randy still wants to have a relationship with James. James says that’s a lie, they went to Newsweek and Discover+ instead of talking to him. He asks why would they want a relationship if he threatened to burn down their house according to them. - James points out his sisters don’t talk to Randy. He says his oldest sister hasn’t talked to him since the divorce. He asked why his oldest sister didn’t have to talk to him on the phone when they were children, but him and his other sister had to? He says Randy’s “bastard child” talks to him because she never had to live with him. He tells Randy to pay for the child support he owes his mother.

[thenugking]

Grand Academy For Future Villains II: Attack of the Sequel, Chapter 5: Bride of Chapter Five. A commentary for Three.

General CW for the whole thing: parental abuse, internalised dehumanisation as a trauma response. Three’s not doing well.

No specific warnings for this chapter except for a typo my friends have been teasing me about for weeks.

Game 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

Game 2

Chapter 0 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

Alternatively, read on Google Docs here

***

"Well obviously," says Professor Ulik, faintly irritated. "I thought you were a bit cleverer than that,Three, I really did. Yes, but specifically I need you to make sure that one of my classes is on the auditor's schedule. You may use whatever methods you please to get it there. The less I know, the better."

Her message communicated, Professor Ulik returns to her papers. You begin to consider your situation. This would be an unparalleled opportunity to ensure Professor Ulik's selection for a tenured position and what else are you here for, anyway?

But how to get an audience with the newly-arrived auditor?

#Val's on the Board of Visitors and Overlords. I'm going to consult zir about this situation.

This isn’t particularly helpful to Three’s intention to stay as far away from the auditors as  possible. Their first plan is still to ask DarkBoard if they’re able to alter Goul’s schedule, but when DarkBoard gives a foreboding speech about how they shouldn’t meddle in forces far beyond their control,  (Three is pretty sure DarkBoard’s scared of the auditors but don’t want to admit it,) they realise they’re going to have to talk to these people. This hopefully won’t be overly dangerous, after all, they are excellent at being helpful to important people, and tend to be good at quickly working out the level of grovelling important people prefer, so they’re unlikely to annoy the auditors. The danger that comes with just being around important, powerful people is inevitable, but they hope they can avoid the worst by appearing as a mere supporting character in Ulik’s narrative, unnoticeable to the auditors underneath all her achievements.

The best place to start with this is Val. Scorpius told Three ze was on the Board of Overseers and, while Three has been trying to interact with Val as little as possible, ze’s at least someone they’re able to get an audience with. And--despite a slight annoyance about Scorpius spilling zir secrets--Val apparently either likes them enough, or thinks they’re plot relevant enough, to help.

Ze is, however, going to point out that meeting with the Auditors isn’t the kind of thing people with no narrative weight do. It doesn’t matter what reason Three gives--do they think there isn’t a story in an underdog brave enough to put themself in the firing line of powerful villains they’re frightened of, just out of loyalty to their wise and supportive mentor? And Val has a feeling this isn’t the first time Three’s done this. Three informs them that they are not a hero, or an underdog, or special in any way whatsoever. Val tells them that ze knows better than most how Narrative Weight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, so ze’s really, genuinely sorry to say this, but that’s not true, Three. Three decides they’d better get over to that meeting before they’re late, so doesn’t have time to listen to Val try and tell them they’re more than just a tool.

The minutes Val showed you indicated that a team of no less than three auditors would be arriving from the Board of Visitors and Overlords. And you're fairly certain you know who this one is.

The falling pieces of the dome leave trails of fire in the air all around you. The air of the artificial atmosphere is rushing upward; the weather programs that the dome once produced are sputtering fitfully. Fish, frogs, bolts of lightning, hailstones and drops of blood tumble at random from the shattering sky.

"Lord X!" you call, as the figure lightly touches down to the earth. "Welcome to the Grand Academy for Future Villains!"

The figure turns towards you, and you see that the upper half of his face is concealed by a black mask like a frozen lava flow. His clothes are rich and close-fitting, his black shirt with silver buttons reaching to the neck, his hands concealed by silver gloves, and a belt around his waist supports a really alarming arsenal of weapons. You spot what looks like an oversized silver revolver, a long sword, a short sword, and a gun that looks strangely familiar. There's also a trowel tucked into a beautifully tooled black leather sheath; there's probably some explanation for this besides being for some sort of demonic gardener. 

"Well done…student," says Lord X.

Val, watching from under the shelter of a black umbrella, gives the slightest of nods to the auditor.

Again, not something Three would have done if Ulik hadn’t wanted them to talk to the auditors, they’d much rather be running to hide right now, or else checking the sudden environmental changes of the world falling apart aren’t adversely affecting DarkBoard. But they do like important people being impressed with them.

As if it overheard your unspoken question—which you suppose it did—the nearest DarkBoard portal begins scrolling through something you recognize as the fine print of your application paperwork. You look at the scrolling text:

…WITHOUT REFUND. THE APPLICANT CONSENTS TO MANDATORY BINDING ARBITRATION IN THE CASE OF ACCIDENTAL OR PURPOSEFUL DISMEMBERMENT, IMPERFECT RESURRECTION, AND OTHER PHYSICAL OR PSYCHIC MODIFICATION UNDERTAKEN VOLUNTARILY OR INVOLUNTARILY IN THE COURSE OF ACADEMIC DUTIES. THE APPLICANT CONSENTS TO THE ACADEMY'S USE OF THEIR IMAGE, DNA, BIOLOGICAL MATERIALS, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, OFFSPRING IF ANY, WITH OR WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN NOTIFICATION. SURVEILLANCE DEVICES MAY BE INSTALLED IN PHYSICAL AND INTELLECTUAL LOCATIONS THROUGHOUT THE ACADEMY INCLUDING BEDROOMS, HEARTS, DREAMS, AND NARRATIVES. THE ACADEMY RESERVES THE RIGHT…

Okay, okay.

It may not be immediately relevant to the current scene, but I think it’s worth noting that students “consent” to the Academy’s use of their offspring. Being the child of an alumnus, Three was a little concerned, if resigned, about that when reading their own application paperwork. Those feelings haven’t completely gone away, but they also realise this could be an excellent excuse if Maedryn ever discovers their loyalty to DarkBoard. She herself signed them away to the Academy before they even existed, and if necessary, Three will remind her that neither of them can complain if DarkBoard wishes to collect on that.

Three has never wanted children themself, but the Academy’s application paperwork just makes them more sure of that.

#Come observe Professor Ulik’s class.

You've kept your bargain with Professor Ulik. Whatever the auditor says, the fact that you faced one of the most powerful beings on the Academy grounds has to count for something.

It's a simple request—so simple the auditor seems taken by surprise. You hold your breath, waiting for an answer. "Of course," says the auditor. "Next week. Of course, we make no promises as to the nature of our judgment. Only of its inevitability."

"Fifteen seconds," pipes the assistant.

Variyah Goul stands up. She does not offer you her hand. "Your career, of course, will be of interest to us, whatever becomes of the school."

"Ten."

"If at the end of the year we find you an individual of sufficient narrative weight…there are certain provisions made for individuals who are fit for a great destiny. I am impressed by hedonism and competence, and the portfolio of destinies I manage are those of grandeur and glory."

"And zero." The assistant escorts you out of the room.

That went… surprisingly well. Three’s alive. They’ve at least slightly impressed two auditors. Goul’s agreed to observe Ulik’s class. Three wasn’t given time to have to pretend to be interested in a destiny.

They are growing increasingly concerned that the Academy’s accreditation may not, in fact, be renewed, but all they have to do is show that a place with teachers as good as Professor Ulik is worthwhile, make sure Maedryn isn’t too stressed by her various responsibilities that the clones stop working, help Sona keep Sci-Fi looking respectable and genre savvy, and do whatever DarkBoard requests to help the Academy run smoothly.

((Side note: I did originally accidentally replace a bit too much of the “insert your professor here” text with “professor ulik” when I originally typed this up, with the result that Three very unfortunately invited one of the most powerful villains in the universe to come observe Professor Ulik’s ass. They don’t want to talk about it.))

The senior students that approach you after your Evil Planning class are well known to you. They're a group of Thriller and Science Fiction students that even in these polarized times of inter-genre competition, have remained friends and close collaborators. 

"Three!" one of them calls to you. "Do you have a second? We want you to try this!"

This is rarely the prelude to something good, but often the prelude to something interesting. You pause. 

"This is our capstone project for our Cyberpunk Dystopia class," explains another, proffering his personal DarkBoard portal, its screen glowing. "A dating app for the Academy! We need beta testers! And, well, a lot of people have been requesting you."

"It's right here in the early feedback," confirms the third. "Let's see…'If it doesn't have Three I'm not joining'…'Where's Three I mean the real one not the clone'…'Please add an option to romance Three.'"

You look warily at the colorful images on the DarkBoard portal. What's so dystopian about a dating app?

"Well, it's powered by DarkBoard, for one thing," says the first student, "so it can be kind of unpredictable. And wildly intrusive. But the administration is interested in monitoring the personal lives of its students."

"Personally I think DarkBoard's getting a bit lonely," adds the second, behind his hand, as if that could conceal his comment from the security system.

I mean, there might be a couple of students wanting to find out what’s underneath Three’s aloof emotionless exterior, but I really doubt there’s anyone specifically asking for them. In any case, they have far more important things to do than trying to find another relationship at the moment, and even if they wanted one, they wouldn’t be looking for it on an intrusive dating app made by a bunch of students they have no reason to trust. 

But, well, they don’t exactly completely object to submitting information about certain preferences they may have to a system powered by DarkBoard. It’s a villainous action to sign up to a dating site and then ruthlessly reject every classmate who appears on there, isn’t it?

Besides the grinning face of Science Fiction's figurehead, a long list of diagrams and spec charts appears. Sona, or DarkBoard on Sona's behalf, is listing out all her weapons and modifications. You're fascinated—there are some extraordinarily personal items here. You would never have guessed about the navel turret, for instance.

All right, getting lists of people’s hidden abilities is also a very useful feature of this app. Three just hopes their own profile isn’t going to start listing out the dozens of weapons they have hidden on their person at all times.

The portal clouds over again, but this time, when it clears, no face is visible at all. Slowly words form on the portal's surface.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT THE WORLD LOOKS LIKE WHEN SEEN THROUGH A THOUSAND EYES?

"Uh-oh." One of the Cyberpunk Dystopia students tries to snatch the portal out of your hands. "It's doing it again. Close! Close! Administrator override!"

SHED YOUR FLESH, continues DarkBoard, AND JOIN US IN THE TIMELESS VOID BETWEEN ELECTRONS.

"Yeah, this is a known issue," explains the leader. "Every so often DarkBoard will decide that it wants to get in on some of the action. Sorry about that."

He hands you back your portal, now quiet and docile. Is that Xi's lingering influence? Does something about DarkBoard remember you as an object of romance?

"You know where to find us! Thanks for trying it out!"

And they're gone.

Well, even if Three’s list of concealed weapons are on view to everyone on the dating app now, the student trying to snatch the portal away from Three is not prepared for a kick in the groin and a gun pointed at him before he has a chance to react, as Three calmly explains that they want to be aware of all known issues before deciding whether to continue using the app or not. After taking a few moments to closely examine this one, they tell the cyberpunk students that they can live with it. They spend a fair amount of their free time (limited though that is) on the app over the next few months, while making sure to reject every student profile they find.

The app does cause another slight issue, however, given that the rejection messages it sends are calibrated to, “cause greatest emotional impact to the target!” Three and Aurion awkwardly avoid each other for the next few weeks, after they each receive a horrifying rejection message about how the other loves them far too much like a sibling, and is so grateful for the bond they already have.

And then this final scene doesn’t actually take place, because Three doesn’t have a nemesis or a pet, so doesn’t need help dealing with them, but:

Professor Ulik thinks so highly of you that she leaves the class that she was in the middle of teaching to rush to the ${temphousing}.

I love Three’s new mum a lot.

[bakagamieru]

Gami I have been MIA for literal YEARS. How are you?? Have there been any major developments in ot5 land?? Any reason to be optimistic for the boys?? Or is stuntmaggedon still in full effect? Basically google search indicates there is still f**kery afoot

I’m doing ok.  I’m glad you’re checking in after so long XD

There hasn’t been anything major in OT5 land unfortunately.  With the last round of promo, the talk about Zayn has gotten unnecessarily negative… again.  It tends to happen with every round of promo, but it was even worse this time with Liam saying things like “I can tell you the truth now about what happened” (then going on to imply things were bad and that One Direction will never return as OT5) and Louis saying “Zayn and I are too immature to ever make up”.  

These things, of course, make no sense since no matter what Liam is made to say, it will never match up to what we actually saw happening at the time: 

Zayn was trying to get better at making speeches to the crowd during OTRA (with the other boys’ help)

Zayn was just as affectionate with the other boys as he’s ever been during OTRA and them with him

Zayn only said nice things about the boys and vice versa until the stupid obviously-staged promo-related Twitter fights

Zayn never said things that were more negative than neutral about the boys in his in-person interviews despite the discrepancy with his print interviews, etc.

Not to mention all the logical inconsistencies with Zayn leaving and all the shade the boys threw at the stunt of Zayn leaving and the hints at Zayn’s return.  

It’s just frustrating for Liam to say what he did because it feeds directly into the mindset of the people who never questioned Zayn’s leaving - “clearly everyone was being polite in previous interviews, but now the juicy sordid truth is being revealed”.  That sort of thing.  I’m sure that was calculated because it’s a smart move for anyone trying to control the narrative.  It plays to the possibility of Zayn actually being estranged from the other boys no matter how unlikely that actually is given the evidence.  I don’t blame Liam, but it’s sure disheartening to hear it come from his mouth.

Then there’s Louis.  What exactly does it mean that he and Zayn are “too immature” to make up?  Zayn has always been relatively mature (see how respectful his diss songs about 1DHQ “Truth” and Perrie “Lucozade” are), Louis has had to grow up and be responsible an unfortunate amount since his mother died, and both Louis and Zayn always tried to look out for each other and the rest of the band in their self-proclaimed position as the “big brothers”.  Also… see the fact that Louis and Zayn have made up publicly at least 3 times since 2015.  This continuing “we’ve made up”, “no, we never made up” narrative is just plain idiotic.

Then there’s the happy stuff: 

Louis included OT5 in his Walls music video.  There’s a scene where 4 figures (plus Louis) are silhouetted on a stage and then Louis goes to fill the empty space left for him and there are 5.  He didn’t have to do that and he in fact didn’t have to include One Direction in that song at all.  The lyrics are pretty clearly about a single relationship and closeting and the rest of the images in the music video align with that.  To me, the inclusion of One Direction is an outlier in the video and that means that he damn well just wanted to include OT5.  Don’t believe some people if they try to tell you that “Zayn disappears in smoke” from the line-up.  He doesn’t.  The figure closest to the smoke machine gets engulfed by the smoke when it turns on, but that’s just because that’s how smoke machines work (Louis, too, would have soon been enveloped had the scene gone on for a few more seconds) and you can still see the outline of the person through the smoke anyway, so they definitely didn’t disappear.  There’s no guarantee that particular figure was the Zayn look-alike anyway (although I do kind of think it was based on the front picture all the look-alikes posted together).

Oh yeah, and Louis said at his recent signing that Bus 1 is his favorite tattoo because it brings up memories from the tours.  Bus 1 clearly being a Zouis tattoo referring to him and Zayn being the two who hung out on the same bus during that tour reinforces my belief that Louis was deliberately trying to be OT5-positive during his Walls video.

Ooh, I was looking through my “OT5-is-everything” tag and I forgot that Liam also included Zayn in his thank you note to the 1D boys on his first album LP1.  If you want to look for other little things, that’s probably the best tag to search on my blog: bakagamieru.tumblr.com/tagged/ot5-is-everything 

Anyway, there really hasn’t been much going on otherwise.  Zayn barely exists as far as fans are concerned most of the time because he barely posts on social media and he just isn’t seen all that much.  There was a period when he and Gigi were supposed to be done, but unfortunately she’s back again.  But the upside to Zayn barely existing is that at least that means he barely has to be seen with Gigi.

Overall, I would say stuntmageddon is still very much in effect.  It’s the same-old same-old as far as the narrative goes.  The soonest I can see the band getting back together is 2021 at this point just because of all the scheduled tours, but maybe late 2020 would work too.  That’s not to say that I expect it to happen that soon though.  There haven’t been any particular hints that we’re headed that way yet.

[kayascodelorio]

"palette” gif tutorial

hi everyone!!! so i’ve gotten countless requests to make a tutorial for my lara jean gifset, more specifically this gif:

so today i’ll be showing you how i make this gif right here:

as mentioned in the original post, this whole gifset was inspired by one of my favorite mvs of all time: palette (hence the creative name lmao). i essentially used screenshots of the mv to make my own similar template to work off!

disclaimer: i suck at explaining things, so you’re all gonna have to bear with me and my 100000 screenshots and poor attempts at explaining wtf i’m doing. hopefully you can manage to understand what i’m on about!!

if you’ve never made a gif, check out this detailed tutorial i made some time ago:

how to make gifs + color gifs (this tutorial includes links to download ps)

tutorial under the cut (i’m sorry for how long this is rip)

first, screenshot the mv. (timestamp 0:38)

here is my screenshot:

now, we’re gonna open ps and go to file > open to open the screenshot on there. this is my screen rn:

notice how my timeline is there (little box on the right side of the screenshot). we’re going to need the timeline for the gif later. if u don’t see the timeline, go to window > timeline and it should show up!!

time to crop the screenshot. using the crop tool, (left sidebar, 5th icon from the top) remove the black parts of the image (top and bottom) until all you’re left w is the white area. final product:

now it’s time to change the size of the canvas we’re working it so it can be the dimensions we want it to be! go to image > canvas size

a window like this should pop up:

we want our gif to b 540px by 400px, so just fill that out and press ok:

this is what your screen should look like after (aka super zoomed in):

we’re gonna fix that rn!!! making sure the layer (right sidebar) is selected (you can tell it’s selected when it’s in blue), press command + t, which will leave you with this:

okay, so i’ve covered this before in my previous basic gif making tutorial and not much has changed since then aka i’m still shit at attempting to explain wtf i’m doing. BUT basically this part involves using the top bar (pictured below) and changing the % of the W and the H to make the image the amount of zoomed in i want it to b (if that makes sense)

again, i usually just play around w the %s, depending on how zoomed in i want my image or gif to be, its dimensions, etc. the higher the %, the more zoomed in it is. basically, putting in 50% would make it way more zoomed in than 20% and so on. for this, i’ve tried out several % and decided to use 39%, but of course you can pick the % you prefer. so write in your chosen % in these two boxes in the top bar like this:

click the checkmark at the right of the top box and voilà! this is what you should have rn:

see how all the 9 squares fit perfectly inside? wow, powerful. anyway, let’s keep going djfhdkfd. now we’re going to make our own squares aka the squares in which the gif is going to be. start by creating a new layer (at the bottom of the right sidebar, the second to last icon before the trash icon). give it a name so it’s easier to keep track of: i picked s1, since this is going to be the layer where the first square is going to be (and so on). also make sure the new layer is above your image like this:

time to actually make the first square!! select the rectangular marquee tool (left sidebar, 2nd icon from the top) and select one of the squares in the image (113px by 113px) like this:

select the paint bucket tool (left sidebar, under the eraser tool) and make sure the color is set to black (#000000) before you click on the square you just selected. very important: don’t forget to have the s1 layer selected (should be in blue) when you do this or else it will fuck up.

this is what your screen should look like after:

as you can see, we have one square done, but there are 8 more left. right click on your s1 layer in the right sidebar and click on duplicate layer. name that layer s2. making sure the s2 layer is selected, drag it to the place of the second square:

keep doing the same thing until all the squares are covered with black ones like this:

now i’m going to hide the black square layers by clicking on the little eye icon (left of layer) for each of them bc i want to include the little dark pink doodles on my gif as well, but you don’t have to, so if you don’t wanna include it in your gif, you can skip over this part!!

there are technically 3 ways you could do that (well maybe more lol but these 3 are the ones who came to mind:

method #1: use the brush tool to draw your own doodle (or trace over the existing one with a new brush)

method #2: use the magic wand tool to select the doodle and use the brush tool over your selection

or method #3: look up doodles on google and drag them onto your image

i don’t have an ounce of patience rn, so i will b using method #2. select the magic wand tool (left sidebar, 4th icon) and make sure you select the first doodle the best you can. don’t forget to make sure your screenshot (image with the doodle on it) is selected while you select the doodle or it won’t select anything!!! like this:

create a new layer (bottom of the right sidebar, the second to last icon before the trash icon) and again, make sure it’s above all the other layers. with your new layer selected (in blue), select the paint bucket tool (left sidebar, under the eraser tool) and pick a color (i used #e1b5c4). click on your selected doodle. this is what you should have:

repeat for the other doodle with another layer.

final product:

it looks a bit Rough, but hopefully you get the idea?

now we’re going to merge all the little squares into one layer of little squares. if you have doodles, remove the eye icon (left of layers) for both of them to hide them and make sure all of your eyes are there for the square layers. select the s1 layer and then the other layers up to s9 while keeping one finger on the shift button until all the square layers are selected (in blue) like this:

right click on the s1 layer > merge layers. all you should be left with is:

now that this is done, we need to fix the background.

create a new layer that you will drag above the screenshot (layer 0) but under the s9 layer. i named mine bg (background). i want to keep the barcode in the original screenshot, so i won’t select that part. using the rectangular marquee tool (left sidebar, 2nd icon from the top) and with the bg layer selected, draw a square at the right of the bar code so you have this:

with the paint bucket tool (left sidebar, under the eraser tool) and the color set to white (#ffffff), click on the selection.

and that’s your template!!!

with doodles:

now onto making sure the gif is going to actually move properly.

click on the little arrows at the right side of the timeline to expand it until you have this:

and then click on create frame animation. your screen should look like this:

notice how it says once at the bottom of the timeline? make sure to change that to forever, or it will not play:

click on the convert to video timeline icon (the one on the left of the forever). this is what you should be left with:

now, time to make the gif that is going to go there*

*if you have no idea how to make gif and are lost af, i suggest you check out my previous tutorial where i explained this part with more screenshots and more specifically bc i will be more vague here regarding this

also i’ve said this again and again, but remember to ALWAYS USE 720P OR 1080P FOOTAGE WHENEVER POSSIBLE FOR YOUR GIFS or else they will be grainy and extremely unpleasant to work with.

i’ll be using a video from youtube for this. i suggest converto as a converter, it works really well and allows you to download youtube videos in 720p and 1080p!! once you have your footage ready, go to file > import > video frames to layers. use the markers to select the part you wish to gif, and, once you’re happy with your selection, click ok.

to select all the frames, click on the icon on the right of the timeline (4 lines with an arrow) and click on select all frames. then, go to select > all layers in the top bar. everything should be selected (in blue) like this:

now, fixing the speed of the gif. 

super helpful post explaining gif speed right here

i’ll personally be using 0.06 here.

click on one of the frames in the timeline > other. write in the speed you chose and then press ok. go to convert to video timeline icon (the one on the left of the forever).

you should have something like this:

go to filter > convert for smart filters:

the time has come to drag your gif to the canvas:

make sure the gif is above the s9 layer (layer with the black squares) like this:

to make our gif fit inside the squares, we’re going to make sure the gif layer is selected. then, press the option (alt) button and click between the gif layer and the s9 layer to create a clipping mask (like this). this is what it does:

this is where i usually play around trying to find a size for my gif that looks nice. press command + t and, like we did earlier, find a % you’re happy with. i’m going to go with 20%. after moving my gif around and making it less zoomed in, it now looks like this:

this is usually where i would sharpen my gif, so, with your gif layer still selected, go to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen, and then ok.

these are my settings:

we have to fix the length of the gif, since there’s a lovely limit on this amazing site. i suggest you pick something to gif with not much movement, or you’ll have to make it even shorter. there’s no magic formula, just try not to make it too long, especially since the gif is large in size, so the smaller the better in this situation. this is what i have:

notice how the layers in the timeline are all of different lengths, so make sure you make them all the same like this:

once you have a psd ready, go to file > open and when it loads, drag it onto the canvas, above the gif. i added one of my psd on mine.

for the text on the top right, i can’t remember the exact font i used, so i picked another font different from the original.

these are my settings:

what it looks like with the psd + doodles + text:

and we are DONE!!! all that’s left is to save our gif!! go to file > save for web

these are my settings:

SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT: make sure your gif is set to forever in the looping options at the bottom right of the window or else your gif will absolutely not play properly!!

also, CHECK YOUR GIF SIZE (bottom left). with this website changing its gif limit every 2 seconds, better safe than sorry!!

here’s the final product:

thanks for sticking around and reading all of this!!! i hope it was somewhat helpful even though i suck at explaining how i do stuff! :)

[arrowpusher]

Breaking my silence

After a week straight of insomnia keeping myself awake reflecting on current events, I think I need to write something to collect my thoughts.

Yes, I chose Tumblr because I am not brave enough to display my unpopular opinion on Facebook or Twitter where a lot of my friends and family will disagree, and I don’t want to cause any hard feelings. (It’s like whenever I post about Apple, my older cousin who works at Apple always write lengthy replies, and then I do not elaborate on my beliefs with counter-arguments because I respect my cousin too much.) I just value relationships far above than my political viewpoints, so here I hide.

First of all: I support Black Lives Matter. I am saddened by the tragedies. I believe systemic racism urgently needs to be addressed.

However, there are aspects of recent events that make me uncomfortable and conflicted.

1. “It is wrong to condemn the violence and the looting. This takes away from the BLM Movement. Property can be replaced.” I remember my college professor on Cal tuition protests explaining that if you don’t throw a temper tantrum, people won’t listen to you. But so much looting has absolutely nothing to do with protests, it creates mixed images of the cause locally and worldwide, and the extent of destruction makes me lose faith in humanity. I heard about a local privately owned pharmacy not only suffering significant losses; they run a mental health clinic and because long-acting injectables got stolen, patients are unable to receive their treatment. I saw on the news people stealing cars, women walking out of Victoria’s Secret with designer lingerie, teenagers hysterical getting their hands on “free” stuff... tell me how this helps address racism. Businesses are already suffering huge losses in these uncertain times, and people are just getting back on their feet and likely running on a deficit. Even when property can be replaced, what do we gain from the destruction that cannot be accomplished through constructive means? Do people's livelihoods have to be destroyed overnight to make a statement? I saw a video explaining the looting of a low-income neighborhood, that people are profiting off of the pain (and I noticed someone posted this video on social media and got significant backlash for condemning violence.)

2. “Police are bad. Hence, they need to be de-funded.” While systems-wide changes need to be made to eliminate police brutality, I also find myself feeling bad for the the part of the police workforce who actually are kind-hearted individuals who are doing their job to protect society and putting their life on the line while at it. Policemen went from being first responder heroes to national villains overnight. I do not find it acceptable that policemen have lost their lives amidst the chaos of the lootings (like the retired officer checking on his friend’s store... I saw a poster “You killed him because ‘they’ killed someone?” It reminds me all too much of the primitive eye-for-an-eye argument). Also, I have not seen any mention of 2A. Despite all the recent shootings and massacres, relatively little change has happened on gun control. Until then, there is significant risk to both police officers and the general public. I recall reading that the Gilroy Garlic Festival shooting was not catastrophic because the police were able to control the situation quite quickly. I don’t expect gun control and crime to dissipate by itself (especially during economic and political instability) and I actually fear for public safety in the future. Who would want to be a policeman if you get so much hate, have limited resources, yet are still forced at times to make split-second decisions that could cause your life. This spirals further into me being annoyed at how little is said about decisions on the military and warfare, which not only consumes so much funding, but directly causes blatant harm and civilian lives. When I have to Google “current wars in 2020″ as a refresher, I begin to question why the same momentum of the anti-police movement in the US is not given to international conflicts with oppression at much greater magnitudes. 

3. “Speaking up about other minority issues takes away from the cause.” I don’t know, maybe I have a conflict of interest as a minority living in America... but I really would like to see this blossom into a larger civil rights movement. I did not see as much outcry, as much action, as many donations by individuals and large corporations, when ICE was hunting down and deporting immigrants, when children were separated from families and detained, when the oil pipeline was planned to invade Native American territory, or when all of the tax changes were made under the Trump administration which perpetuates and accentuates socioeconomic inequalities. There was news coverage, but for the most part, we sat on our couches. I also should not have to worry about my parents being the victim of hate crimes when they go on a walk outside. I know we still need to maintain focus (like when I start to think about the inertia in dealing with climate change... but I’m not going to say wildlife matters because then any movement is a moot point if you try to change everything about the world in one go). I think we still can maintain focus and expand the scope: systemic racism and implicit bias apply broadly. Just because an inequality isn’t trending, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and does not deserve attention. 

I try to convince myself to try not to lose more sleep over this (hint: it’s been pretty unsuccessful) because at the end of the day, I’m not going to change anything. This is a sad reality I have felt about current events and the workings of social media--constructive discussion is important, yet it gets stifled in the cyberspace and you get personally attacked. I’ve commented on a few posts on Facebook with a relatively moderate viewpoint, and I got replies that essentially made me wonder if I was unknowingly alt-right. (Then, I had the same discussions with co-workers who agreed with me and brought up other valid points, and I felt less like a bad person). I know I contribute to the problem and I have my own implicit biases, but I don’t think my opinions are really as malicious as some Facebook friends of friends have made me feel. My endurance has dwindled and my mental strength has already grown fragile during these difficult times... I think I need to give myself a little more self care than staying up every night thinking I’m racist because I agree 100%, but not 1000%, with the current movement. 

Anyways, I don’t care whether or not I get hateful comments on this post. I wrote this largely for myself, so one day as I revisit my previous blog posts, I can see how I used to think about the world, and inspire myself to make change if I’m jaded. 

“You, I, and we all have the right to be respected.”