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starwalker42 · 1 year ago

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human credentials

A realisation, a car ride, and a question.

“Scully… do you think there’s a chance you might be autistic?”

Autistic!Scully fic, because my brain wouldn't shut up until I wrote it. I've pictured it taking place in season 2, but it could probably fit anywhere between season 1-6. Many thanks to @i-want-those-files for the autistic Scully meta that started this whole thing, and for the Discord loaves who have put up with me talking about this for weeks <3

Read on AO3 | @today-in-fic

It's been a long morning.

A phone call at 3am; Skinner’s voice, still thick with sleep, apologising for the early hour. Some weapons bust at a warehouse in northern Virginia – intel was fresh, perps were in place, and all hands were needed on deck for go time in two hours. A car would be outside his apartment in ten minutes. Mulder had rolled off his couch, turned off Space Odyssey, and was waiting by the kerb within two.

Scully was already in the back of the sedan, but they’d maybe exchanged ten words on the way – she’d dozed as Mulder had watched the pitch-black countryside roll past the window, feeling a familiar itch buzz through him. If he was back at his apartment, he’d be heading out for a run to shake it off. He guessed an armed raid would be a suitable replacement.

They got to the rendezvous late, barely twenty minutes before it was time to go – just enough time to get kitted out and receive a rundown on the plan. He sat next to Scully in the SWAT van, elbows bumping in the close quarters, and waited for the signal to go.

It was loud, messy, but over in less than ten minutes – the gang had been caught unaware, with barely a chance to react. All the same, there were casualties: two agents and four suspects wounded in the crossfire, and one suspect dead from a hand grenade he’d detonated accidentally. Mulder’s ears were still ringing, four hours later.

Four hours later, when he’s still at the warehouse, because a big raid like this means one thing: paperwork.

His rifle has been checked three separate times, and he’s been asked the same questions twice, by separate senior officers: How many times did you fire your weapon? Do you feel you reacted with proportionate force? Who provided your orders? Did you voice any concerns prior to engagement? Were these listened to by your task force leader?

And he’s answered the questions as they want him to, playing the good little FBI agent and biting back any sarcastic response that threatens to raise its head. They’ve shut the X-Files before. He doesn’t need to give them encouragement to do it again.

Once the seniors are satisfied, he’s allowed to go, so long as he promises to keep his cell phone close by and not to speak to any press until the official statement is released. They give him permission to turn in his vest and helmet, and after leaving the debrief area he’s finally allowed to talk to the other agents milling around the scene, looking just as drained and bored as he feels.

There’s only one agent he wants to talk to, but she’s nowhere to be found.

He feels his heart twist in something that feels like disappointment as he realises she’s probably long gone, on her way back home after her own debrief. There’s an understanding that they won’t be in the office until later, now, but part of him had been hoping they’d drive back to Washington together, sharing common grievances and singing to the radio. He swallows the familiar feeling of abandonment and asks another agent how to get out of here.

“There are cars out the back.” Mulder nods and turns to leave, until the agent adds, “Good luck out there.”

He doesn’t bother asking why, but the comment is explained soon enough.

Someone must have tipped off the press, because the moment he steps out of the warehouse he’s blinded by camera flashes. There are microphones being thrust towards him, and he can’t respond even if he’d wanted to, because all the questions are flowing together, too loud for him to hear. For a long moment he just stands there, blinking away the sunspots in his vision.

Then he remembers – he’s got to be a good little FBI agent, and standing mute and dumb in front of the press is not a good look.

“Excuse me.” He squeezes past the cameras, keeping his head down.

He isn’t wearing his windbreaker, and he hopes that with nothing to formally identify him as FBI the journalists will soon lose interest. A few keep trying as he edges through the crowd, but after a few ‘no comment’s they leave him alone.

As he leaves them behind, the first drops of rain start to fall. He hurries around the side of the warehouse to the cars, flashing his ID to the agent monitoring them as he ducks under the ticker tape.

It’s a standard fleet, government-issue black sedans, and Mulder knows each one has the keys waiting for him in the ignition, ready for him to head back to Alexandria with the understanding that he’ll return it to the Hoover Building at his convenience.

He doesn’t like being a good little FBI agent, but it does have its perks.

He’s surveying the cars, reading to take his pick, when he sees a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye.

It’s Scully. She’s sat in a car – in the passenger seat, he realises with a grin.

She waited. Of course she did.

He practically bounds over, throwing open the driver’s door, and leans in. “To Georgetown, ma’am?”

She doesn’t acknowledge him. At first, he thinks nothing of it, just climbs into the seat and starts to buckle his seatbelt, but then he notices her hands. She’s got both of them resting on her thighs, and she’s clenching and releasing her fists, over and over, so fast it seems an almost unintentional movement, a spasm of muscles.

He looks up at her face, and realises her eyes are squeezed shut. Her shoulders are tight, pulled up towards her ears, and her hands keep going. In, out, in, out.

He’s never seen her like this. He’s not sure what to make of it.

“Scully?”

There’s a noise, then, a whine almost, quiet but continuous, and it takes him a moment to realise that it’s coming from his partner.

“Scully?”

It doesn’t stop. To his distress, her movements start to get more frantic, her fists clenching faster and faster, until suddenly something changes. Before he can stop her, her hands have come up and she’s hitting herself, slapping her open palms against the side of her head hard enough that it must be hurting, but she doesn’t stop.

Mulder doesn’t think, just moves – he gets out of the car, indifferent to the steady downpour that’s now started, and heads to her side, opening the passenger door. He reaches in and grabs her wrists, so tight he can see the skin there turning red as he pulls her arms away, back into her lap.

“Scully, stop.”

His touch seems to freeze her, and she stops, not fighting him – but as soon as her hands still, her feet start to move, her knees bouncing up and down, and she’s still making that noise, a soft keening in the back of her throat. Frantic, he runs his eyes over her, searching for an injury, blood, anything that would explain… oh.

Some part of his brain finally kicks into gear, and as he watches her, watches the tension in her body and the need to move, it all slowly starts to make sense in a way he hadn’t been expecting but now seems entirely logical.

“Scully,” he says quietly, kneeling down next to the car. “Scully, I think I know what’s going on. I know you need to help yourself calm down, but I can’t let you do something that’ll hurt you. Okay?”

She doesn’t stop moving, doesn’t open her eyes or relax, but she acknowledges him, gives him a quick, jerky nod of the head.

“So if I let go of you, I need you to do something that won’t hurt. Promise me?”

Scully nods again, and he releases her wrists.

As he’s expected, her legs slow their bouncing as she laces her fingers together, squeezing them against each other. Little by little, her shoulders start to relax.

Mulder stays kneeling by her side, and keeps his voice quiet, his tone even.

“Can you tell me what happened back there?”

For a long moment, Scully doesn’t reply, just sits there, clenching her hands. Then, just as quietly as he had, she speaks. “It was too much. It was just… too loud, and too bright, and there were too many people, and it wouldn’t stop.”

Her hands start to move faster, and he fights the urge to grab onto her again. Instead, he exaggerates his breathing, gently prompting Scully to do the same, helping her breaths come slow and deep. He waits until her hands slow down, and then asks her another question.

“How can I help?”

“Uh…” She gives a shaky smile at that. “Honestly, just keep doing what you’re doing.”

That eases the grip of fear from around his heart, just a little. He’s doing something right, at least. Realising he’s still crouched next to her open door, he starts to straighten, giving her space.

“Should I get back in the car?”

For the first time, Scully’s eyes open, seeking his.

“No,” she pleas. “Stay there?”

Her desperation makes him pause; he relaxes back onto his haunches as her eyes slide shut again, and stays in place by her side, feeling the rain drip off his hair. “Okay. I’m here for as long as you need me.”

Gradually, her hands start to slow, moving from a regular rhythm of clenching and releasing to an occasional squeeze together, until they’re resting on her lap, entwined but still. Her breathing has steadied, too, and with a final deep inhale Scully lifts her head and opens her eyes again to look at him.

“Okay. I think I’m okay.”

There's a moment where he wants to say something, wants to take her hand and squeeze it, but he stops himself, aware they’re not completely alone.

Instead, he suggests the only thing that he can. "Do you want to get out of here?"

She breaks eye contact, something under the surface that he can’t quite place. "Yeah. Let's do that."

He gets back in the car and they drive.

xXx

It’s been almost an hour of driving before Scully speaks.

“I’m sorry about that.”

They’ve made good progress through the near-empty roads on the way to DC, but now, as they near the capital, the traffic has started to pile up; Mulder watches the rain bounce off the trunk of the car ahead as he tries to think of a way to reply.

Finally, he settles for an easy response, a non-answer, really. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better. Calmer. I think it was bad because I hadn’t slept - my nerves were a little frayed.”

“Has it happened before?”

“A few times. I normally deal with it before it gets that bad.”

What she doesn’t say doesn’t escape his attention. This has happened before. Multiple times.

He tries not to think about that – about her struggling, panicking, feeling overwhelmed and not feeling able to tell anyone. Has it happened when he’s been close by? After she’s left the office, or in the adjoining motel room? Have there been times where he’s missed it, or mistaken it for tiredness or irritation, when actually it was something deeper, something far more difficult for her to explain?

He remembers what crossed his mind, standing in the rain next to the car.

“Scully…” He starts, immediately trailing off as the words escape him.

How do you ask something like this? And not just to a stranger, but to a friend, his partner, who knows him better than anyone? Who he knows better than anyone?

Someone he should know better than anyone. There’s a voice at the back of his head asking why it took him so long to notice, why he never asked the right questions or picked up on certain things, why it took him until now to join the dots together. He can’t indulge that voice right now - there’ll be time for blame and rumination later. He needs to finish his question, get it out before he loses the confidence to do so. So, before he can overthink it any further, he sets his jaw and bites the bullet.

“Do you think there’s a chance you might be autistic?”

He can’t look at her as he says it, but there’s a pause, and he feels her eyes on him. He keeps his fixed on the headlights of the car in front, giving her time. She can shout at him if she wants to – he thinks he might deserve it.

She doesn’t shout. After a moment, she asks him a question in response. “You’re the psychologist, right?”

He knows what she’s asking, and he doesn’t want to lie to her.

“I think… I think what happened earlier, what you described, was sensory overload. And what you were doing with your hands looked a lot like stimming.”

“And that’s related to autism?”

“It can be.” She’s not going to let him drop it, not that easily, so he fishes for the right words for a moment. “Scully, I can’t diagnose you, and even if I could I wouldn’t want to. A diagnostic label is so definite, and people can find it so harmful if they’re not ready, and the last thing I want to do is to make you feel uncomfortable - I know it’s not easy to hear, not if you’re still processing the idea.”

He stops himself, aware the words are coming out faster than he can control them.

“I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want to upset you.”

“You’re not.” He turns to look at her. She’s looking right back, endless blue shining with a resolute certainty. “Mulder, back there… that’s the first time anyone has ever understood what’s going on, or said something helpful. When I used to – what did you call it?”

“Stimming. Self-stimulating.”

“I used to do it sometimes, in grade school, when it got loud, or everything was too much. I’d just… click my fingers, or clench my fist over and over. But then the teachers told me off for fidgeting, and the other kids laughed at me, so I forced myself to stop.”

He forces himself to wait, to let her fill the silence.

She takes a long, deep breath.

“I remember thinking ‘what’s wrong with me?’. It felt like there was some big joke, something everyone else was in on, but that I couldn’t work out.

“I still feel it now, sometimes, this sense of…” she gestures vaguely. “Of something being wrong. Something’s wrong with me, and everyone else knows, but I can never pinpoint what it is.”

She runs her tongue over her lip, and her next words shake a little. "Mulder, are there… are there other things? About me?"

He knows what she means. And she wants it from him straight, so that's how he gives it to her.

"I know that when people make small talk with you, you get uncomfortable. You prefer it when people say and act how they think, and you find fitting in with people, especially other women, difficult. You don't like change. You have a very rigid belief system, and you don't like anything challenging that. Expressing emotion doesn't come easily to you, but when you feel you feel a lot. You like numbers and science and the certainty of the laws of nature."

And there's nothing wrong with you, he thinks, but doesn't say. There's nothing wrong with you at all.

Scully's quiet for a long moment. He knows her well enough to know that this means she's thinking, probably too much.

“Okay. I probably, to some degree, fit the profile. But I can do all those things. I can make small talk and act interested in those conversations, and I can tolerate uncertainty and change. And I can deal with too much noise and movement, most of the time.”

“Isn’t that the problem?”

She looks at him.

“The words you’re using, Scully. ‘Act’, and ‘tolerate’ and ‘deal with’. You don’t do those things because you find them easy, or because you enjoy them. It’s because you have to.

"A lot of autistic people - autistic women, especially - talk about pretending. Masking how they actually are or feel, because they want to blend in. It's like… like constantly wearing a disguise you don't feel safe enough to take off."

She falls silent again. The cars ahead start to move, and he puts the car into drive, almost missing her next words under the noise of the engine.

“I thought that was how everyone felt.”

Mulder doesn’t know how to respond to that, or if she even needs a response, so he just waits.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know myself. So much of who I am is for other people, to fit in, and I don’t even know why I bother because it doesn’t make me feel better. Instead I feel like I’m hiding, and I’m terrified of being found out. I’m waiting for someone to realise I’m not who I pretend to be.

“You know, I get so excited about science. About the beauty and the mystery of it, and its absurdity and incredibility, about how I’ll never know everything about how the world works, and how the laws of nature and physics are older than the Earth, and will keep the universe moving even after I’m gone. But I can’t explain that to anyone in a way that makes sense, so I pretend I’m interested in science and medicine in the same way everyone else is.

“But it’s not just that, it’s everything else. I mean, at work I wear certain clothes and style my hair in a certain way, not because I want to but because that’s how I’m expected to, and I look in the mirror and don’t recognise myself because that’s not me. I feel like you’re one of the only people who’s ever seen past that, who even gets close to knowing who I actually am. To everyone else, I’m completely different. I’m some person who doesn’t even exist, it’s just a lie.”

She pauses.

"It's… it’s exhausting.” Saying that seems to help some of the tension leave her body.

“That’s how I feel. I don’t know if I can explain how… how tiring it is, having to be normal, for other people.”

“What if you didn’t have to be?”

She gives him a look. "Mulder."

"No, just bear with me for a minute. I know you won't be able to with everyone, but with me, at least. What if you could completely let go of that need to be normal?"

Another pause. Then, so quiet he almost doesn’t hear: "I'm afraid."

He's only heard her say that once before, sat at his bedside discussing belief and life after death, and her father who passed away only a few short days before.

"I think I'm afraid of what happens if I let go of the mask."

Something twinges in his chest at the idea that Scully – Scully, who can stand in front of a team of seasoned agents and give orders with the best of them, who will stare death in the face without blinking, who is the kindest, most compassionate, most amazing person he’s ever known, is scared of the judgement of other people.

The words come to the front of his mind again, and this time he feels them almost slip from his lips: There is nothing wrong with you. Everything you think is weird, or wrong, or unacceptable, makes you perfect. You’re incredible, Scully.

But he can’t say that. Can’t allow himself to say it, not like this, because he’s a little bit scared of what it signifies. So instead, he says something that he hopes is close enough to what he means, what he wishes he could say.

"Scully, I am the last person on earth who would judge you." It comes out softer than he'd intended it to.

Slowly, they edge forward with the traffic, the rain starting to slow. He doesn’t take his eyes of the car ahead, but he can feel her thinking all the same. This time he finds himself filling the silence.

“I want you to know that if the office is ever too loud, or we’ve just come out of a busy meeting, and you need time to yourself or you need to stim, you can do. I know it might be hard if you’re used to hiding it, but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t.”

“I wouldn’t want to distract you.”

He glances across at her. “Scully, I do it around you all the time. It doesn’t bother me.”

They stop again. There’s a moment of silence, and when he turns to face her, Scully’s looking at him, forehead creasing in confusion. Mulder suddenly realises that he’s always just assumed Scully knew.

“I stim.” He answers her unasked question. “When I tap pencils, or chew seeds? It’s different to you, I do it to concentrate, but it’s the same thing.”

“But you’re not…”

“Autistic? No, I’m not.” Now he has to explain, he’s not actually sure how to. He’s never said the words out loud before. “In 1983, ten years after Samantha went missing, there was a police inquiry into her disappearance. I had to have a psychiatrist assess me, to check how reliable my testimony was, and if there was a chance I had a psychotic disorder that would explain what I saw.

“When he finished the assessment, he asked why no one had ever assessed me for attention deficit disorder before.”

Scully smiles at that, her lips twisting into a half-grin.

“I know,” Mulder jokes. “You’d think I would have worked that out sooner, given the 21 years I’d spent with my brain and the three-year psychology degree.”

The traffic starts to move again – the roads are clearing now as rush hour comes to an end and they move further towards the centre of the city. They both fall quiet once more, Mulder’s attention on the roads ahead and Scully back to gazing out of the window. It’s a peaceful silence, though, one that Mulder hopes is a good sign rather than an indicator that Scully’s lost in her own thoughts again. Neither talk until he pulls up outside of her apartment building, which is when Scully turns to look at him, one hand on the door handle.

“Mulder?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you.”

He hears the gratitude in her voice, deeper than he’d expected. He can’t quite acknowledge it; he wants to tell her she has nothing to thank him for - that all he’s done, really, is the bare minimum, and probably far too late, at that.

He doesn’t say any of that – just nods a little, in understanding, and offers her a small smile.

“Any time.”

She opens the door, saying over her shoulder almost as a second thought, “I’ll see you later?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Scully glances back at him properly, and he gives her a full-blown grin. “I’ve got a case about hydrokinesis that’s got your name on it.”

She rolls her eyes at him as she gets out of the car, and he laughs.

#xf fanfic #txf fic #msr #my writing #please someone validate my headcanons lol

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reviiely · 1 month ago

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Good morning!! Don’t mind me giving an ask literally less than ten min after you posted lmao—

Very intrigued by your post-tahiti cal & daisy dynamic, I like that he’s still in her life even after all… that that was s2.

I’m more curious about why daisy decided to run away after the whole hive debacle? Was it for the same reasons as in canon?

Also, the last dot point also rose a mental flag in my angst-infested brain — does daisy ever mistake cal for coulson when she’s sick?

First of all, as always, hi Anon! I do not mind you asking me so soon— I love it when people talk to me so this is awesome.

YES SOMEONE ASKED ME ABOUT WHY SHE RAN AWAY FINALLY HAHA!!! I have dialogue written. It wouldn’t have seen the light of day if not for you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

As for your last question, Daisy never mistakes Cal for Coulson. She drew a line between them a long time ago, and she never crosses it, not even by mistake. The reason she rambles is that her brain knows that she trusts Cal. She just… doesn’t remember why she didn’t tell him before. So she then tells him everything that she can think of. She also has a habit of calling him ‘Doc’ and he finds it very endearing.

ONTO THE MAIN EVENT!!!! ITS SUPER DIALOGUE HEAVY IM SORRY BUT VOILA HAVE IT. IT ALSO HAS SOME CONSISTENCY MISTAKES BUT. IGNORE THAT. ILL FIX IT IN A LATER POST.

—

(Post season 3 finale.)

(In Daisy’s room.)

The room felt empty. Her mother and she were inside, but it felt empty. Since Daisy got her powers, everywhere had this sort of buzz, with the volume of it increasing with the number of people around her. The room was quiet. Lincoln’s absence haunted it.

“I think…” Daisy’s voice sounded foreign to herself. “I think it hurts more because I thought we could’ve had something.”

May understood. She always did. “Like what?” her mother asked gently.

“I don’t know,” Daisy admitted. “A future, maybe. I had this thought that maybe after all this was over, we would come home and have a drink and laugh about that time we almost died. Maybe even a life outside of SHIELD. But I…”

“Mm.”

“Last night, I had this dream.”

A beat.

“What did you dream?”

“It was just a regular day. A chill one. No ops, no paperwork, just the kind of day that we could do regular things. Me and him, we had lunch and we sparred and just… spent the day together. We went to sleep and he was next to me, but when I woke up, he wasn’t. For a minute, I let myself think that he just got up early and went to the bathroom or to get us breakfast. I laid there for an hour, pretending that he wasn’t really gone, that he’d be back any minute with a smile or food or anything. I just wanted…”

“Him.”

“Yeah.” Daisy stared at her hands. They blurred as her eyes welled. She didn’t like that. “I don’t think I can stay here anymore. Everything reminds me of him and it hurts. So much. Every hallway, every room, even the cells, they… I just can’t be here anymore.”

“So don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t be here. Take a little time to yourself. No one’s going to blame you. Not even if you never come back.”

“But…”

“We’ll survive without you. We’ll miss you, but we’ll survive.” May squeezed Daisy’s hands gently. “Phil’s going to relegitimize the agency. He’s handing over the reigns to the government.”

That got her attention. “What?”

“He’s stepping down as a director. This time next month, he’ll be a field agent just like you and me. We’ll get to pick our own assignments. The three of us, we can stick together. Just like old days.”

As much as she wanted to… “I can’t.”

“I understand. We’ll keep your room locked.”

“I might not come back.”

“I know. But just in case. You never know.”

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“It’s okay. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself out there.”

“Promise.”

Daisy lied as easily as breathing, these days.

#marvel #marvel mcu #marvel fanfics #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#aos #daisy johnson #philinda #mayson #philindaisy #melinda may #agents of shield #mcu #MayDaisy #Phil Coulson #AOS season 3 #anon ask

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heartfucksmouth · 9 months ago

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just crying silently while holding a finally-sleeping baby (20 lbs and 2.5 feet tall baby) who refused to nap longer than 30 mins today and has emotional tantrums like a 2 yr old, complete with throwing their bodies backwards and biting lolol this poor kiddo just wants to be a big people

I think I'm just crying bc I'm so tired and feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about literally everything in life. like why does the world continue to spiral out in flames and I feel like I'm in survival mode when all I've wanted to do for 4 years is actually LIVE and THRIVE and, now, raise my child to be a good human but everything is isolating and a fucking battle to get done and I feel lonely and I can't even spend time with my partner or focus on myself I feel like time is constantly running out, money is running out, kindness is running out, and my brain cells can't even function anymore.

like. being a mom and being ill is really fucking hard. as if that's a surprise, but I'm so overwhelmed anticipating the next 3 months bc I've got 10 more appointments this month alone, plus an endoscopy and my pre-op is in MAY and I'm gonna have fucking hip surgery while I have a 1 year old who will probably definitely be walking lmao

also the world is on fire, did I say that? myles hours got cut at ups bc they're greedy fucks and we simultaneously lost our food stamps bc he made too much money during holiday season and I've been waiting over a month for my new application to get filed and I'm basically living on coffee smoothies electrolytes and whatever his mom cooks for dinner. at least I can kind of feed my kid tho even tho he wants solid food already bc on the inside he's a 30 yr old and WIC only pays for formula + purees.

day by day. hour by hour. it's all I can do. I'm so. fuvking. sick of burning out 2 days after I finally recover. I have so much more to say but no energy to form words anymore.

parenting is so fucking triggering it's wild. today wasn't even all that bad, either, but everything reminds me of my past right now. and I continue having to mask and play nice with a literal energy vampire that we live with sooooo

editing to add that I am still extremely obsessed with my son , he's beautiful and his laughter is like a drug I've never experienced and he looks like a literal cherub when he sleeps but holy shit let's start being honest about parenting too. this world doesn't make ANYTHING easy for most people...

#personal #also NOW IM SUPPOSED TO PLAN AIDANS FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY?? good god everything is triggering my childhood bullshi

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malevolententity · 1 year ago

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WELCOME TO THE ANTI PROJECT UPDATE

decided on giving myself a little treat these past few days and watched episode 9 while frogging this blanket i was fortunate enough to be gifted like fourth hand! i have some ideas on what i may do with this yarn but nothing is set in stone. the colors are lovely but hated the blanket so. harvest. its was for harvesting.

also i hate frogging other peoples work. i hate how other people weave in their ends it is bad and awful and means i have to cut their work atleast twice per color to reball it and join it. the first few colors i did i had to cut like 5 times? and by the time i got to the final 3 i figured out how to only cut it twice and the last color i only had to cut once. but my god. hated unraveling and m so glad i gave myself the treat of episode 9 while doing this because it did take like 4 hours. especially with how much pausing i had to do to look at Just the work trying to frog it backwards at some points i just. i only got to watch 3 hours of aop since thats all i had left of the episode. HOWEVER! the timing worked out that when i was at the end of the last color it was the end of the episode as most of my pausing was in the very beginning.

be hold. a very angry photo at the blanket when i stopped the other day from frogging to give myself a rest. other crocheters should not be allowed to knot all their ends into normal stitches making it seemingly impossible to unravel their work. it is not a crime to have ur work be recycled by someone else >:I

SEASON THOUGHTS SO FAR

dudes what a fucking episode. i love getting to see more of the town and trying to figure out what the fuck is up. i am with the cast atm that the crystals healing you IS probably like the goo in the haunteds place that "heals" you but actually drains sanity. i am genuinely curious to see what happens to thaigo once they leave the town if his hearing goes away or if he stays repaired. m genuinely so curious to see how thats handled. i also. can not fucking believe. they were all told that fire bad. and thaigo then went 'cool so heres fire' bestie. what did you think was gonna happen? what the fuck was going thru ur brain.

ALSO HELLO DID THE MIST AND THE MAZE KILL THE HELPER??? HOW THE FUCK??? WAS HE WITH THEM AT THE FARM DURING COMBAT. WALK TO THE BLACKSMITHS. AND THEN WHEN THE DOOR OPENED HE WAS FOUND DEAD INSIDE. I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE MAZE WHISPER WAS SOOOO BAD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE HELPER AND FELPS. WHAT DID HE DO TO MY LIL GUY HE WAS SO CUTE. justice for the helper. i got him for an episode and i want him back. if he doesnt come back ill be so sad even tho i knoooow he was clearly an npc that cell went "hey felps youd have fun as this limited time guy. come be a little guy for 3 hours" but like. i want justice for him he was so cute. bring him back to me.

NEXT PROJECT

i think i have my next project picked this blanket actually had all the yarn i needed sans 1 color! but m planning on this being a mock of the pattern to see if i can actually make it before going and buying the actual colors and weight that i want to do it in. so i might start that project sometime this week! m v v excited to see how much of the mock i can get done with this recycled yarn since i have No Idea how much of it i have. as i am. too lazy to figure out aprox how much yarn i have with math. i could figure out the grams/ounces and do worsted oz into yards but. no<3 self care<3 fuck it we ball<3 i have as much as i have and hope its enough<3 and if not oh well<3 its a mock so it Can get weird with the color switching if i need too<3

it also just. simply would not matter if i figured it out because my pattern doesnt tell me ANYTHING about how much yarn is needed for any colors it literally just says "lot of X colors and small amount of X colors" which is infuriating but. i guess thats just 2009 amigurumi blogspot patterns for ya

#a ordem crochet

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toosicktoocare · 4 years ago

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Going to Master List my 911/911 Lone Star fics because I think I have enough to accumulate a decent list!

911

- this one here has good, ole Buck cutting his arm on a call and not realizing until he’s half naked and Eddie looks like he’s about to have a heart attack

- this one has Buck coming down with a cold after a water rescue, and whOOPS the cold gets worse because he doesn’t know how to pace himself ever and winds up with pneumonia

- this one takes place after that damn well/Eddie almost drowning episode that was dangerously close to ruining me and has Eddie ending up sick because bro’s been through a lot okay?

- this one happens after we learn Eddie’s been fighting for sport because his boyfriend Buck hurt him realy badly. Basically, Buck finds out and he’s nOt happy about it

- this one has Buck meeting Eddie at a hospital bc Christopher’s been sick, but he finds out that Eddie’s also sick and has to take care of both his boys

- this one has Buck feeling anxious, sad, and insecure and just overall not having a great day and boyfriend Eddie’s the only one who really picks up on it and goes to help

- this one is a little Valentine’s Day fic where Eddie and Buck have dinner plans but dinner plans end up not being dinner plans because Buck’s sick and tries to ignore it bc [cue heart eyes] Eddie

- this one has Buck getting stuck in a burning building a little too long and he gave his oxygen mask to someone else bc of cOURSE he did and he’s a little woozy and Eddie’s a lot not happy and gets him out despite his shoulder being a little not great at the moment (dislocated; his shoulder’s dislocated bc the two can’t just keep themselves together)

- this one has some Buck and Eddie sleeping quarantining together and just being too cute and it’s really not allowed

- here’s just a little, domestic Buddie where Buck’s retelling a riVETING story about his call today to Christopher, and Eddie didn’t sign up to have two children in his house tonight

- here’s a little one where Buck’s a little sick (he’s a lot sick bc he doesn’t do things halfway literally every) and he spirals a little, so he drives to Eddie’s house and Eddie looks after him bc we stan soft in this household

- (crying) this was my first 911 fic wowowow so this one has Buck throwing himself back into work once he’s back (and we just don’t fucking discuss the lawsuit bullshit okay?) and he’s pushing himself way too hard and ends up being really not okay at Eddie’s house while he’s playing games with Christopher

- this is a sequel to the fic above so my second first 911 fic lmao it’s a continuation. Eddie’s worried. Bobby’s worried. Buck’s “fine,” grown men watch cartoons-- it’s really a whole thing lmao

- this is my most recent 3-chapter child that i spent an embarrasing amount of time on and it’s set after the crossover episode and has Buck driving to Texas right after a 24-hour shift to confide in TK about his feelings he’s having (feelings of the sexual preference nature) bc as said above he really doesn’t do things halfway and of course Eddie gets involved, proving Buck’s not the only one who’s overdramatic

911 Lone Star

- here we have a little drabble of how I imagined TK would react finding out about Owen’s diagnosis in Season 1 bc I was having feelings, okay?

- this is just a little Valentine’s Fic in season 1 setting where TK and Carlos are striclty NOT on a date (are they doing date things? Yes, but for TK purposes, it’s not a date)

- this one is a little drabble where TK’s v upset and might be having a break down, and Carlos is there (too soft, very sharp on the cheese in this one)

- this one’s a little drabble where someone spray paints something not nice at all on TK’s locker, and TK’s all whatever shit happens about it and his Team + Carlos is NOT HAPPY (as they should be)

- this one is a little deep dive into that whole comment TK made in season 1 where everything’s gray and he just wants to feel so, in the tornado episode, he goes toward the tornado and Carlos takes care of him after

- this one has TK getting trapped on a call and Carlos pANICS bc of feeLINGS and goes in to save him and there’s some after hopsital revelations to be made

- this one’s a little role reversal where Carlos gets hurt on the job, and TK seems like he’s the last person to find out and he’s 100% not happy and is 100% going to take care of Carlos

- this one has TK thinking he picked up a small cold from Carlos so he goes about his business but gets worse and passes out while on a call bc his single brain cell is stretched a little thin

- this one is season 1 setting (catching a trend here? lmao) that has TK kind of running himself into the ground trying to be the perfect son after he learns about Owen’s diagnosis but he disregards it bc Owen is more improtant and ends up at Carlos’s house later in the night, where Carlos very quickly learns he’s not here to vibe with fever sex

- this one has Carlos working too hard to catch a dangerous man and he ends up collapsing after they finally catch him so Michelle brings him to TK, and TK’s left to deal with a feverish, tired, yet still very much on edge Carlos

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i-came-from-the-rift · 3 years ago

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The Turf war, which was taken place in season 7 of Hermitcraft, is a big part of Scar and Grians history in my main au.

Most people would see the turf war as a war that wasn’t taken as serious, they ended it using mini games, it was a war about dirt, and it seemed like a joke. In my au, the turf war was a serious event that honestly hurt people for a while. And I’m back on my turf war brain rot, so headcanon time!

1 - Grian wasn’t too upset about Scar winning the mayoral election, he saw it as an opportunity for one of his closest friends to get a higher rank in power. This meant Grian would be a higher rank of the mayors close friend. When the mycelium in the shopping district was taken away, this changed his mindset, and his whole out look on Scars decisions.

2 - When Grian started the war, he honestly never meant too. When it did start on accident, he rolled with it and took it as a sign for revenge. Grian set up a way to find recruits for the resistance.

3 - Scar took the war seriously. After a couple days of segueing with his new crew (HEP), he eventually decided that any MCR members caught in the shopping district would be hurt with no mercy. Grian and Scars friendship turned to both hating each other.

4 - Once a few HEP members fell for the fake base trick, Scar finally decided it was time to track them down for good. He hired Mumbo, Grians best friend. The mustached man was sure to know where the base was, and was certainly good with redstone. They did find the base together, and when Grian saw that Mumbo had helped him, he was furious. Grian and Mumbo didn’t speak until the war was fully over after that, once they spoke, it wasn’t pretty. “Mumbo you don’t get it. Scar may have been an asshole throughout this war, but he never stabbed anyone in the back!”

5 - Once the MCR relocated their base and set up the emergency table, they were caught again. The ender Pearl trap that Cub set up had brought them into a jail cell. Nobody was watching them other than Scar, who pulled a lever releasing lava into the cell whenever Grian disagreed with something. They begged for mercy as the lava did certainly hurt. Groan eventually grabbed onto the bars, crying and panting and said, “Can we speak somewhere else? To find a solution to this? Please Scar…I can’t do this anymore!” Maybe the jail cell and physical torture was a bit much, but once he let Grian out and watched him topple to the ground, Scar was happy.

6 - The two leaders argued for hours in front of HEP, who didn’t say a word and simply watched. The fight eventually switched from war solutions, to friendship problems, and how Grian was a mistake to the server, which caught everyone off guard. Grian stayed more quiet and finally suggested the mini game idea, not wanting to look at Scar any longer.

7 - Once the mini games were over, Grian didn’t celebrate as much as the other members, he only looked at Scar dead in the eyes, a hint of sadness in his face. Third life was taken place not too long after the war, Grian and Scar almost forgetting the whole mycelium situation and became friends again. One night in the desert, they looked at each other and Scar muttered, “Your not a mistake Grian, it may be hard to forgive me for that insult, but just know I didn’t mean it…” Since third life, the two of them were stronger together than ever. Ask any member of Hermitcraft, and they’ll tell you their friendship was aced and enchanted with a miracle.

#hermitcraft au #hermitshipping?#HC season 7 #Hermitcraft season 7 #Hermitcraft turf war #turf war #mycelium resistance #gtws #third life #grian

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emeraldbabygirl · 2 years ago

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I looked in the reflection of my computer screen too fast and thought I looked like Taehoon from t.a.n like bruh please I am not that hot and now my brain has convinced me I am the female version of taehoon wtf

#hot being an overstatement #i look like if plank from ed edd & eddy fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down #and fell into a wood chipper and was attempted to be glued back together #like ma'am flex tape cant fix THIS #t.a.n #taehoon #t.a.n taehoon #i’m a clown and you’re watching the circus mfer #🤡🎪#the final season of 3 brain cell hour

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rosiehunterwolf · 3 years ago

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Face the Music

Prompts: Karaoke

Word Count: 5,572

Characters: Cole, Kai, and Jay

Timeline: Between seasons 9 and 10

Trigger Warnings: Brief Mentions of Toxic Parent and Eating Disorder

Summary: If you ask Cole, there are some things in life better left forgotten. Especially embarrassing experiences that you would prefer not to talk about. They certainly shouldn’t be used as blackmail or as entertainment for others, and everyone should just learn to move on. Although maybe his friends aren’t the only ones that need to move on.

Link to read on Fanfiction.Net:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13904278/1/Face-the-Music

Cole burst onto the deck of the Bounty, swinging the door shut behind him. Zane looked up from the control panel, looking startled. “Cole?”

“Zane!” Cole ran over to him, gasping for breath. “Quick, what’s Kai’s cell phone password?”

Zane pulled back, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

“Don’t play coy with me, I know you have the passwords for everything programmed into your database! Now hurry, what is it!”

“I never denied that I did, but why would I tell you? That’s confidential information.” Glancing down at the cell phone, he asked, “Does Kai know you have his phone, Cole?”

“Uh… yeah, if it helps you sleep at night.”

Zane crossed his arms. “Cole…”

“Come on, Zane, help a friend out! It’s important!” “Cole, that is not my secret to tell. Unless it is an emergency, you don’t need to know.”

“But it is an emergency!”

“Oh really? Who’s in danger?”

“My pride,” he snapped. “C’mon, Zane, please, what do you want? I’ll do your dishes for a month! Or- or, uh, take patrol duties for the next three weeks. Hey, hey, what about cooking, you like that, right? I’ll buy you some new appliances!”

“Cole, you cannot bribe me-”

“Hey guuuuys,” Kai larked, popping his head through the door and sliding over to Cole. Before he could even react, the master of fire was plucking the phone out of his hands. “I’ll take that, thanks.”

“Give it back!”

“It’s my phone!”

“I didn’t give you permission to take that video!”

Kai batted his eyes innocently. “What video?”

Cole lunged for him. “I will kill you, spike head-”

“Gotta catch me first,” Kai shrilled, neatly ducking his arm and dashing back belowdeck, laughing maniacally.

“Thanks a lot, Zane. Who knows what he’ll do with that now?”

“I don’t understand. What is going on?”

Cole sighed slowly. “He’s got… a video. I need it to be deleted.”

“What kind of video?”

“Seriously Zane? Can’t you take a hint? I obviously don’t want to tell you.”

Zane just stared at him expectantly.

Cole rubbed his face in his hands. I can’t believe I’m doing this. “He still has the video from… from Laughy’s. With the Sons of Garmadon.”

Zane is smiling now, crossing his arms. “I don’t know why you are embarrassed to tell me, Cole. I was there, remember? I saw you sing-”

“Okay, okay, Zane, I get it! Just stop talking about it!”

“I don’t see why talking about it would be an issue-”

Cole lunged forward, pressing a hand over his mouth. “You don’t understand,” he hissed under his breath. “They’re everywhere. They’re obsessed with that video, and they’ve been dangling it over my head ever since we returned from the First Realm. They’re trying to blackmail me!”

“They?”

“Oh yeah, it’s not just Kai- Jay’s in on it too, the jerk. You think you know who your best friend is.”

“Cole, I think you’re overreacting, what could they possibly do with it? Everyone here already saw you sing, it’s fine.”

“You really think Lloyd, Nya and Pix have spared a second thought to think about me after everything they had going on here? I was hoping they had forgotten about it by now, but if Jay and Kai have their way-”

“I’m not going to help you steal Kai’s phone, Cole. If you need me for anything actually important, let me know.”

“This is important,” Cole yelled after him, but Zane was already gone.

Fine, he huffed. If no one is going to help me, I’ll do it myself.

---

“Hey Cole? Kai and Lloyd want me to play Fist-to-Face 3 with them, will you take patrol duty for me tonight?”

“Yeah?” Cole reclined in the kitchen chair, stretching his arms behind his head. “And why would I do that?”

“Oh, I dunno… perhaps because you wouldn’t want a certain… video to accidentally leak…” Jay waggled his phone teasingly in the air.

Cole stood up sharply. “You wouldn’t.”

“I dunno… would I? I guess we’ll find out.”

“Fine, fine, I’m going, I’m going,” Cole grumbled. “Want anything while I’m out?” “We’re almost out of Doritos. And can you get the strawberry Fanta?”

“Are you a heathen? Who drinks the strawberry?”

“It’s not for you,” Jay snapped. “And for your information, it tastes very nice.”

“Whatever. You at least gonna pay me for this, bozo?”

Jay slapped a twenty into his hand. “This is all I got on me. Buy yourself a little somethin’ with the change.”

Cole mock bowed. “Whatever you say, master.”

“Ah, come on, I’m not cruel, come join us when you get back.” As Cole walked out the door, he called after him, “I’ll save you some Bagel Bites!”

Cole rolled his eyes. He didn’t know how he got into situations like this.

He was really starting to hate that stupid video.

---

By the end of the week, which had been filled with similar scenarios, Cole had had it. I’m not going to take this slander anymore! They can’t just push me around like this, I’m the master of earth!

The monastery was buzzing with the chatter of his friends on the hot afternoon. They were all wearing swimsuits, and Lloyd opened the door, leaning out lazily as a wave of hot air wafted into the cool monastery.

“Stop standing there with the door open, nitwit, you’re letting all the hot air in,” Kai snapped, shoving him out the door, nearly sending him to the floor, before Zane caught him by the wrist with his usual lightning reflexes.

“Kai, there is no need to get physical.”

“Can it, Zane, I’m just playing around, right bud?” Kai slung his arm around Lloyd’s shoulder, ruffling his hair.

Lloyd shot him a glare. “Get off of me, you lump, I’m melting here. Are we going swimming or not?”

“Ouch, looks like someone skipped his coffee today. What’s wrong, baby boy, did I hurt your feewings?”

“You wanna get punched? ‘Cause I will not hesitate to punch you.”

“You wanna throw hands with me, bro? I’d prefer not to have a squished pancake as a brother, but if you say so.”

“As soon as I cool down a bit, you are toast.”

“You cool it, mister. Are you forgetting everything amazing I’ve ever done for you?”

“Don’t mind him,” Nya called to Kai, coming over to elbow Lloyd from the other side. “He gets grumpy when he’s hot.”

“I hate you both.”

Zane sighed. “I swear, it’s like the heat is melting their brains.”

Nya shrugged. “They must have like, low heat tolerance or something. Don’t ask me why they always get so loopy like this.”

“Hey, it’s like 100 degrees, don’t blame me if I’m a little uncomfortable!” Lloyd snapped, his words slurring slightly.

“Yeah, bud, even I think you’re starting to get to be a little much now. Come on, let’s get you in the water.”

As the team shuffled out the door, Jay turned back to face him. “Hey, Cole, aren’t you coming swimming with us?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute, just give me a sec.”

Jay shrugged, and Cole waited for a moment, until he heard the door click.

Finally! I thought they’d never leave.

Hurrying down the hallway, he popped his head into the bathroom, where Kai and Jay had just thrown their clothes into a pile on the floor when they had changed. Getting on his knees, he dug through it and pulled out Jay’s shorts, extracting his cell from it. Pulling a slip of paper out from his pocket, he quickly typed the numbers in, and…

The phone unlocked.

Cole broke into a grin, praising Jay’s inability to remember passwords and always writing them down somewhere where a very desperate earth ninja could find them.

He opened the camera app and deleted the video.

There. Halfway done.

Kai’s phone wasn’t in his pocket, so he snuck over to his room and found it charging on the nightstand. Biting his lip, he pulled out his phone and glanced at the camera footage he had captured the previous night.

It showed a bird’s eye view of the living room, and Kai was sitting on the couch, watching TV. As he reached for his phone, Cole zoomed in on the device and watched carefully as he typed in the code.

Okay. Cole repeated the same code on Kai’s phone.

Incorrect Passcode.

Cole felt panic flare inside him. What were the chances that Kai had changed his password in the one night since he’d filmed this?

“It didn’t work because I have one of those fingerprint ones, too.”

Cole whips around to see Kai standing in the doorway, Jay hovering behind him. “Jay told me you were lingering, and I just got a feeling, y’know? That you were up to something.”

Cole huffed, tossing him the phone. “Why won’t you just delete it, Kai? This has gone on for long enough.”

“I like the video, Cole. It puts a smile on my face on the… hard days.”

“Oh, spare me the pity card. I know plenty well that you have more than enough other ways to keep yourself entertained.”

“What about Jay?” Kai grabbed the lightning ninja by the shoulders, shaking him gently. “Think of your friend, Cole. He has no sense of entertainment, he needs something to keep him going.”

“Excuse me-”

“Oh please,” Cole snorted. “Stick Jay on Youtube and he’ll be entertained for hours. He gets distracted way too easily.”

“Oh come on, Cole, this is way better than Jay’s stupid cat videos-”

“I do not watch cat videos!”

“Don’t lie to me, zaptrap, you’re lame.”

“Dude, who’s side are you on?”

“Look guys, I don’t have time for this. Just delete the video, and we can be done with this whole thing.”

“No, that’s not how this is going to work. You’re going to go outside with the others, and forget this whole thing ever happened. Otherwise, this little video might end up on the internet.”

“What?” Cole shrieked. “You can’t do that, dude, it’s an invasion of my privacy!”

“Last time I checked, this was a video of Rocky Dangerbuff, not you. Is it you in this video, Cole?”

Cole felt his face heat as he scowled at them, and Kai and Jay burst into laughter.

Kai slapped a hand on his back. “If it makes you feel any better, it wouldn’t have worked anyway. You really think we’re dumb enough to keep the only copies of the video on our phones? You’d be searching for hours to delete all traces of it.”

Cole balked at him. “Seriously? How many copies did you make?”

Jay grinned. “You forgot this wasn’t a solo operation, dirtclod. I’m the tech guy around here. There’s no way you’ll be able to override my programming.”

Cole groaned, putting his face in his hands. “I hate you guys.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?” Kai laughed. “C’mon, dude, it’s hot, let’s go swim.” Cole reluctantly followed them out the door, grumbling.

“This won’t go on forever, you guys. Sooner or later, I’m gonna find a way to stop you.”

Kai laughed. “We’ll see about that, Cole, we’ll see.”

---

“Are you sure this is really something I wanna be getting involved in?” The nindroid asked, her glowing green eyes scanning the monitor screen.

“It’ll be fine, Pix, I promise. They might be a little annoyed at first, but within a couple days, they’ll have completely moved on to something else to make fun of. All you have to do is get rid of one measly video for me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it that, exactly. Jay went pretty deep with this program. But I think I’ve located the source material.”

“And?” Cole asked, placing his hands on the table and leaning forward. “Does that mean you can delete all the data?”

“Yes. Every known record of it developed into the Bounty’s database will be erased.”

“Do it, quick!”

Pixal turned to the computer again, and Cole held his breath as her fingers flew over the keys for a moment. Then, she pulled back.

“Is it done? Did you do it?”

“Yes. It’s gone.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Cole sighed, slouching against the wall. “I’m so glad that’s finally over. Pix, you’re a lifesaver.”

A small smile played on her lips. “I do what I can.”

“Well, you’ve just saved me a lot of trouble. I owe ya one.”

“We’ll see. Anyways, if we’re done here, I’m going to go help Zane work on those hull repairs to the Bounty.”

“Thanks, Pix.”

When he walked down to the kitchen for dinner that night, for the first time in weeks he didn’t feel a constant dread hanging over his head.

---

The relief didn’t last long.

It was only the evening of the next day when Kai came marching into his room, Jay on his heels. Cole glanced over at them nonchalantly from where he was laying across his bed, reading a Starfarer comic. “Can I help you?”

“You know what you did, stop acting so innocent.”

Cole grinned, stretching. “What can I say, bro, I outplayed you.”

“You could never,” Jay snorted. “You had help!”

“Hey, two against one was never a fair game. Let’s just say I was evening the odds a little bit.”

“Who helped you?” Kai hissed, pointing at him. “Spill, now!” “Sorry fellas, but I’ve sworn to secrecy. You’ll have to find your information elsewhere.”

“It has to be either Nya, Pixal, or Zane,” Jay insisted. “Nya’s the only one with the advanced enough technical skills to be able to override me, and Zane and Pixal are attached to the system, so they can get pretty much anything they want with enough computer skills.”

Kai rolled his eyes. “Great job, sparky, now we've eliminated it down to three out of the four possible suspects. What amazing deduction skills.”

“Hey, I don’t see you doing any better! And it’s actually three out of five. We know it’s not Master Wu, either.”

Both Kai and Cole raised an eyebrow at that.

“Jay, you’re joking. Master Wu. Helped Cole. Delete a blackmail video?”

Cole snorted. “Zaptrap, if Wu ever found out about what was going on, he’d give us a stern lecture, make us meditate for a few hours, then, probably like, stick us on patrol duty for the rest of the night or something.”

“Shut up! Look, it doesn’t matter, alright? If you just tell us who it is, we’ll leave you alone.”

“Fat chance.” Cole got up out of bed and strolled past them, towards the door. “You don’t have anything against me anymore. That blackmail’s not gonna work anymore.”

“Who told you that?”

Cole stopped, turning towards Kai slowly. “What?”

“Who told you we didn’t have access to the video anymore?”

Cole gaped, glancing back and forth between Kai and Jay. “What!? That’s impossible, she-” he bit his lip sharply, cursing himself. “I mean… we deleted all copies of the video. How could you still have it?”

“Aha!” Jay gasped, pointing at him. “Did you hear that? He said she! Which means we’ve narrowed it down to Pixal or Nya!”

Cole ignored him, narrowing his eyes at Kai. “You’re bluffing. You don’t have the video.”

“Oh yeah? Jay, you still have it?”

The blue ninja stuck a hand into his pocket, and, pulling it out, flashed a small blue object between his fingers. Cole looked closer, and felt his stomach drop as he recognized what it was- a flash drive.

“Yep, it’s all in here! Even the most advanced computer codes will do nothing to reach our backup. Looks like you’ve run out of luck again, Cole.”

“Are you kidding me? This is impossible!”

“Come on, Cole- all we want to do is have a little fun with it. Let us keep the video, and we’ll leave you alone.”

“And if I try to get rid of it again?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe it could find its way… onto social media.”

Cole nearly choked. “Kai! You wouldn’t!”

“Keep your nose out of it, and I won’t! C’mon, Jay, we’re done here.”

Cole flopped back down onto his bed. Social media. Kai couldn’t put the video on the internet. It would be all over the city by morning.

He had said he wouldn’t do it if Cole stopped trying to get rid of the video, but Cole didn’t trust that one bit. Now that the idea was planted in his head, Cole was afraid he could do it at any time.

There was no question about it. He had to destroy that flash drive.

---

Kai and Jay were out on the last evening patrol.

This was the time.

Glancing down the hallway to make sure no one was there, he eased open the door to Kai’s room and slipped inside.

He was fairly certain they would’ve kept the flash drive in Kai’s room, specifically to throw him off after he had seen Jay holding it earlier. Also, Kai’s room, while still a mess, wasn’t as bad as Jay’s, so Cole much preferred to search his, anyways.

But it was still going to be more difficult than he had hoped, he realized with a groan as he glanced around the room.

Kai’s bed had a small stack of comic books and magazines strewn across it, with more on the nightstand and even a few on the floor. His laundry had been mostly shoved into a corner, but a few lone shirts and socks had been left randomly. Most of his stuff appeared to be in bins that had been stuffed under the bed and in the corners, but there appeared to be no order to what was in them, just a hag-tag of random junk, save for one crate in the corner which was full to the brim with various weapons, leaving several of them spilling out just asking for a sliced toe in the morning.

The worst was the dresser, though- there were several hair products lined up, even though Cole knew he already had more than enough in the bathroom, a handful of letters, only a couple of them opened, some more comics, a couple empty cups, and enough earrings and other jewelry to last him a lifetime. Cole never understood why he needed so many. Sure, Kai had a ton of piercings, more than the rest of them combined, but Cole swore he had never seen him even wear half of these. Kai had almost as much jewelry, (or, as he liked to call it, “bling”) as he did hair products, which was really saying something.

Sighing, Cole walked over to search through one of the bins that looked like it may have had the techy stuff in it- or at least, the somewhat mechanical stuff- maybe- or, actually, not really, he had absolutely no idea what kind of system Kai had going on here.

Reaching in, he pulled out a tablet, a flashlight, a spare video game controller, a baseball cap, a worn stuffed dragon, a barrette that he was pretty sure belonged to Skylor- Cole blushed at that one, shoving the box away. These things were Kai’s. There could likely be things in here he didn’t want Cole to see.

He wasn’t trying to snoop, though- all he wanted to do was find the flash drive, and leave.

Turning away, Cole began to sift through another bin. A sword- small and uneven, but fairly solid- this one wrapped away with much more care than the others- had a label scribbled on that read “Kai’s first sword.” A photograph, ripped down the middle, the remaining side with a very young Kai hugging an even younger Nya, and a ripped shawl stained with blood that had never come out-

Cole jumped back. Okay, so maybe there was some sort of order to these boxes. And that one was none of his business. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to look any further, anyway. He didn’t doubt that Kai and Nya had been reserved about their lives before meeting them for a reason.

Cole was beginning to feel guilt weight down on his chest already, cold and heavy. He shouldn’t have seen that. He shouldn’t have seen any of this. He was blatantly disrespecting one of his closest friend’s privacy just to delete some stupid video he was embarrassed about.

I should go.

As he sped towards the door, he tripped over something and fell to the ground with a thump. Turning back, he saw it was a book that he had set aside while pulling things out of the bin, having spilled open after he tripped on it, allowing him to see that it wasn’t a book at all, but a photo album.

It was open to a page where Cole had his arm slung around a very grumpy-looking Kai, ruffling his hair, with Jay and Lloyd bent over laughing in the background. It was followed by a bunch of pictures of Kai with the worst bed hair Cole had ever seen- desperately reaching towards the camera, presumably to strangle whoever was snapping photos. Occasionally, one of the other ninja would pop in, holding him back for the photographer, or posing goofily next to the groggy fire ninja.

Cole felt a grin spread over his face. He remembered that day, when Kai had stayed up so late playing video games that he had forgotten about his hair in the morning- and the whole team had been more than eager to take advantage of the one time the fire ninja wasn’t looking so attractive. Kai had threatened to murder them in their sleep, but he had been laughing through it all, too.

That’s the same thing happening here, Cole realized. I’m being a baby about this. They’re just playing around with me. Like I haven’t done the same to them a thousand times.

Cole neatly closed the book and slid it back into a bin, leaving the room with his heart feeling significantly lighter.

It hadn’t been a moment too soon, either, as when he was walking down the hallway, he passed Kai and Jay returning from patrol.

“Everything okay, Cole?” “I’m fine,” he said quickly, too quickly. Luckily, Jay didn’t seem to notice. Kai raised his eyebrow slightly but didn’t press the issue. “Whatcha’ up to?”

“Just heading to bed.”

“Sweet dreams, little glow worm.”

Jay burst into snickers, and Kai grinned wickedly. Cole put his face in his hands, and brushed past them. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t quite as over this as he thought.

---

The next morning, he was awoken by a knock on his bedroom door. Pulling on a tank top, he opened the door to find Zane standing there.

“What’s up?”

The nindroid had an apologetic look on his face, holding up his cell phone. “Have you checked social media yet?”

“No, why?”

“Kai posted your karaoke video.”

“He what?!” Cole shrieked, ripping the phone out of his hand. There, right under Kai’s grinning profile picture, was the video of him singing at Laughy’s.

“That dumbass,” Cole cried, flopping back onto his bed. “Do you know how bad this is? And it’s not just any old social media account, it’s Kai’s. The guy has like, seven million followers on Ninjagram, and almost as many on Chirp and ChatSnap. This will ruin me.”

“I’m sorry, Cole. I didn’t think he would do this.”

“I didn’t either. He promised he wouldn’t, as long as I didn’t try to delete the data!”

“...Didn’t you, though?”

Cole glowered at him. “Well, maybe, technically, I did, but he didn’t catch me! How would he know?”

“Cole, what kind of ninja headquarters would this be if we didn’t have security cameras?”

“Shit! Why would he be checking that? Oh, I’m never going to forgive him for this.”

“Cole, forgive me, but I think you’re overreacting a little. Sure, it’ll probably get a few laughs, but in a couple hours, everyone will have moved onto the next thing. You’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that! I’m not just like some random cat video, I’m a famous ninja! Pretty much everyone knows about me, they’re going to linger on this for a while, trust me.”

“Cole,” Zane said patiently, amusement sparkling in his voice. “I think you’ll survive. Come have some breakfast, that always makes you feel a little better.”

Cole opened his mouth to argue, but Zane was already walking out of the room, so Cole reluctantly followed.

Cole sat down at the table, glaring down into his lap, as Zane slipped him a plate of waffles. He couldn’t even make it all the way through his meal before Kai and Jay inevitably showed up.

“Hey Cole,” Kai smiled, “wonderful morning, isn’t it?”

“You shut your dumb mouth,” Cole snapped. “I don’t even want to look at you.”

“Woah, someone’s feisty.”

“I saw what you did! I can’t believe you did that.”

“I can’t believe you went through my stuff,” Kai barked back, and, despite himself, Cole felt himself flinch. “I was just upholding my side of the agreement.”

“Hey, Cole,” Jay interjected. “Look on the bright side. You’re practically famous! The video already has five million views!”

“I’m already famous, you moron, which, in this situation, makes it even worse.”

Jay blinked, obviously not expecting the hostility of his response. “Cole, chill, it’s just a-”

“Hey guys!” Cole looked up to see Lloyd, Nya, and Pixal walking in. Lloyd grinned as he caught sight of Cole’s plate. “Aww, Zane, you made waffles? Did you buy-”

“Yes, Lloyd, there is plenty of whip cream.”

“I’m just checking! It wouldn’t be the first time I was a few minutes late and some hogs ate all the whip cream.” He shot a glare at Jay, who shrugged nonchalantly.

“Ya snooze, ya lose, green machine. It’s not my fault you have no sense of timing.”

“I have plenty of sense of timing! I’m just…”

“Easily distracted,” Nya chimed in.

“Am not! You were just as distracted as I was!” “You’re the one who showed it to me just as we were trying to go to breakfast!” “Well, you didn’t have to watch it, you could’ve just walked away!”

“How could I not? That one’s a keeper-”

“What are you two on about?” Kai laughed.

“There’s this video blowing up on the internet-” Pixal began.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Cole groaned. He glared at Kai. “Now look what you’ve done. You’ve gotten them-” he pointed an accusatory finger at Lloyd and Nya- “laughing at it too.”

“More like them and the rest of Ninjago-”

“Seriously? I can’t with you,” Cole fumed, then promptly spun around and stormed off to his bedroom, locking the door. He flopped onto his bed face first and yelled into his pillow.

He had wanted to laugh this whole thing off. He really had. But how was he expected to be chill when it was all over the internet?

Part of him was just angry with himself, though. Why did he let this rile him up so much? Why was he so upset? Zane was right, it was just another random video, wasn’t it?

Why was it the end of the world if people saw him sing?

---

“Back straighter, Cole.”

Cole flinched at the hit before it came, and the man rolled his eyes. “How do you expect to ever perform well if you can’t even have good posture?”

“I’m trying dad, but I’m tired. We’ve been doing this for hours. Can I go have lunch now?”

“It’s not time for that yet, Cole. First, we need to work on this piece more. Now, start again, from measure twenty-one.

He shuffled through the pages of music, and as he began to sing, all he could imagine was that stern face peering down at him, and all of a sudden his voice was coming out wobbly.

“Tone shape, Cole! You need to keep a consistent tone. Don’t let it sound wavery and messy.”

Cole’s stomach growled loudly, and he flinched at the look on his father’s face. “Please, dad, I’ll be able to concentrate more if I’ve eaten.”

“Fifteen minutes,” his father snapped. “Then right back to work.”

Cole remembered running to the kitchen, worried there wouldn’t be enough time, and eating as much food as he could manage. But it had been too much, his father would be angry with him, what was he going to do-

He had thrown most of it up in the bathroom later that night.

“Cole, you need to try harder. Singing and dancing of just “average” quality aren’t going to cut it when you become part of the next generation of the Royal Blacksmiths.”

“But dad, I don’t want to be a Royal Blacksmith. I don’t even like to sing.”

“Nonsense! This is a family legacy, boy! Do you wish to break such noble tradition just because you weren’t willing to work hard enough?”

“...No, dad.”

“That’s what I thought. Now, back to work.”

---

A knock. “Hey, Cole, can I come in?”

Cole pulled his face out of the pillow, frantic to find it wet. He quickly wiped at his eyes before getting to his feet and trodding to the door, unlocking it and opening it slowly. Kai stood there.

Great.

“What do you want?”

To his surprise, the red ninja flinched. “Can we talk?”

Cole turned and laid across his bed. “What’s there to talk about?”

Kai took a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance from Cole. “Are you… are you actually angry about this? Like, for real? I thought we were joking around.”

Cole didn’t answer, merely grunting into his pillow.

Kai hesitantly scooted a little closer. “I’m sorry. I would’ve stopped if I knew it was making you so uncomfortable. I really wish you had said something about it.”

Cole shrugged. “Well, I didn’t.”

“I’ll take it down, if you want.”

“What?”

“Like, I know it’s too late now,” he said hurriedly, “and that a bunch of people have already seen it, that I’m not fixing my mistake by doing this, but- I can take the video offline now, so at least no one else sees it.”

Cole was about to thank him, when a sudden urge flowed over him. “Y’know what,” he said, sitting up, “No.”

“Huh?” “Don’t bother,” Cole told him. “It’s no big deal. It’s just some stupid video.”

“I thought you were upset.”

“I was. And still am, a little, if I’m being honest. But I’m tired of spending so much time worrying about what others think of me. It’s exhausting, and no fun. It’s time I started thinking about how I view myself.”

“Are you sure? Because I know you hate singing-”

“I don’t, though. I used to like it.”

“What happened?”

Cole shrugged halfheartedly. “Let’s just say… my dad didn’t make the right decisions. Pushed me too hard to be something I wasn’t. Kind of hard to enjoy singing with him barking over my shoulder about it every spare second. Basically sucked all the joy out of it.”

Kai swung his feet back and forth. “That sounds rough. I wonder if my dad would’ve been anything like that, if he… if he’d stayed.”

“You were forced, in a way, too. Forced to grow up too quickly, to raise your sister on your own.”

“Yeah, I guess I was.” He shot him a small grin, although Cole could tell it was forced. “We’re alike in that way.”

“I wish we weren't,” Cole sighed. “No one deserves to go through that.”

Kai laughed dryly. “I learned a long time ago that life’s never been fair.”

“Have you talked to your dad at all, recently?”

“...Not really. I mean, apart from letting him know we were alive and stuff… after the First Realm.”

“Maybe you should reach out to him. Before it’s too late.”

“I know, I know… but I’m not really sure if I want to. I don’t know if that makes me sound like an awful person, but… he was never there for me. They were never there. I know it wasn’t their fault, but… it still stings. Those years, before I came here, were some of the hardest of my life. And I was just a kid! How was I… how was I supposed to…”

“It’s okay,” Cole put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. “I’m not sure if I want to forgive my father, either.”

“I wouldn’t blame you. What kind of person treats their kid like that? Judges them so harshly? Oh gosh, why didn’t you say something, Cole, I’m really sorry about that video.”

“I told you, it’s fine. You guys aren’t my father. I know you won’t judge me for my quirks. And, if you want to laugh at me, if the people of Ninjago want to laugh at me, that’s fine. So I’m weird. So I sing stupid songs about glow worms and sing out of key and put on really, really bad disguises. You can tease me all you want, but really, you love me for it, and I’m done doubting that. That’s what true family does.”

Kai smiled sadly at him. “I’m sorry that you didn’t find that out sooner, Cole. You’re an amazing person, and you deserve a family who will treat you like one.”

Cole smiled, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “I already have one.”

#ninjago #ninbingo #my fic #ninjago cole #ninjago kai #not 100% sure how I feel about this one...#it didn't turn out exactly how I planned but that's writing for ya #but while working on another project I accidentally discovered how much I like writing Cole and Kai interactions #so i had to do it at least once for the bingo #hope you enjoyed!#rosie writes

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softyoongiionly · 5 years ago

Text

Can I Make a Mess Now?

Jungkook’s never had sex before but, after realizing that he’s falling in love with you, he thinks he wants that to change.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Virgin! Jungkook, established relationship au, college au, smut, fluff.

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: This is a part 2 to Will You Make a Mess Now? Please please please let me know what you think! Love you

Warnings: smut, language, 18+ only please.

Winter break never lasts long enough does it?

A few short weeks of bliss and then-

BOOM.

You’re forced out of the warm and lazy cocoon of holiday spirit and, back into the rigidity of modern education.

It’s not that you don’t enjoy your studies, it’s just that after nearly four years of exams and, group projects that never go exactly as planned; you are starting to feel burnt out.

It also doesn’t help that you spent the majority of your winter break sleeping over at your boyfriends house.

You got used to the weight of his head on your chest.

You got used to running your fingers through his hair; an act that lulled both of you to sleep.

You got used to waking up beside him every morning.

When the semester started once again, the two of you agreed that you’d reserve overnight stays to weekends only.

As encouraging as you were of each other’s success, copious amounts of alone time is a (delightful) distraction.

Especially since the two of you began exploring the boundaries of your relationship.

At the beginning of winter break, Jungkook had revealed to you that not only was he a virgin but, he’s never been touched before.

After a bit of discussion, he decided that he wanted you to change that.

And boy did you…

You still can’t get the images of him falling apart beneath the firm grasp of your hand out of your head.

It’s arguably one of the best things you’ve ever seen.

Jungkook’s room became the safe haven for exploration.

Many cold nights were spent underneath his duvet, touching on each other until things eventually got heated enough for you to take turns making eachother cum.

Happy Holidays indeed.

There was one night in particular that things got a little out of hand.

In the heat of the moment, Jungkook had torn off your t-shirt, leaving the two of you to make out in your underwear.

He positioned you on his lap with a low whine in his throat and, at the feeling of your heat pressing directly into his dick; he almost lost it right then and there.

It took everything in him to keep his hands steady.

To keep them from ripping your panties off…

However, he succeeded and although, it was painful to slow things down, he knew it was the right thing to do.

The only problem is, that night increased his desire to a level he’s never felt before.

He knows he wants you to be his first but; he’s so particular and, so sensitive to his surroundings that he wants to make sure everything is perfect.

Perfection is a concept he frequently struggles with and, although he’s lessened his standards over the years, he still finds himself reverting back to his old habits.

Losing his virginity is a big deal for him.

He can’t help that.

And because it carries so much weight, he feels the need to hold off until the moment is 100% right.

But, how does he define such a thing?

He knows he wants you.

He knows you want him.

He knows he’s falling in love with you…

So, how is a perfect moment established?

Can you plan it?

Jungkook doesn’t know but, he’s starting to believe that he can’t.

His brothers don’t understand his issues.

Seokjin’s been with his girlfriend for two years and, every time she comes to visit, he can hear her moaning through his bedroom door.

An event that continuously scars him.

Namjoon is engrossed in his studies so, he doesn’t make time for relationships.

But one time, when he was looking for his laptop, Jungkook walked in on him getting his dick sucked.

He’s still never gotten that image out of his head.

Hoseok literally attended an orgy two months ago.

Jimin’s dating his childhood sweetheart.

Taehyung stays over at the sorority house at least twice a week.

And, last but not least, Yoongi frequently walks around sporting various love bites and scratch marks after a night with his girlfriend.

Jungkook’s spoken with his hyungs’ regarding sex a few times but, it’s never a conversation he initiates.

He’s far too shy to openly speak about these things.

But from what he’s gathered, sex is top notch.

None of his brothers could think of anything that feels as good, although Yoongi did cite sleeping as a close second.

After a long week of lectures and tedious lab work, Jungkook has finally decided that he wants to lose his virginity.

Or at least…he’s ready to talk about it…

He starts off guns a blazing: he sends you a text trying to appear nonchalant despite the fact that his heart is currently pounding in his chest.

Jungkook: do you want to come over tonight?

Jungkook: there’s a new season of that anime we started watching :)

His message does the same bit of damage on your heart because, although you two have been dating for quite some time, you still get excited at the thought of seeing him.

You: plzzz

You: this first week has killed me

You: I need to relax so bad

You: my brain cell count has dropped to dangerously low amount.

Jungkook chuckles to himself, shaking his head at your response.

Jungkook: wow

Jungkook: lower than normal???

Jungkook: that’s pretty bad jagi :/

You giggle, already gathering your toothbrush and, various other items needed for an overnight stay.

You: I know

You: it’s a tragedy : (

Despite the playful banter between the two of you, Jungkook is furiously moving around his room, cleaning every inch of it.

He’s dusting the shelves, vacuuming his floor, rearranging his figurines on his desk.

He feels like a mad man…

Jungkook: lol you’re ridiculous

Jungkook: you can come over around 7 if you’re ready; I’m just finishing up an assignment.

Jungkook: miss you <3

Your boyfriend is literally sour patch kid.

You: miss you too

You: falling asleep without you sucks

You: 10/10 would not recommend

Jungkook smiles, gripping his phone in his hand, a flurry of emotions stirring in his stomach.

Jesus, he really likes you…

Jungkook: stay the night then

Jungkook: I’ll make sure you sleep better tonight

He feels proud of himself.

He initiated you coming over, he’s holding a playful/flirty conversation with you, and he’s totally not freaking out at the fact that he’s going to have to tell you he’s ready to have sex.

Right?

Okay, the last part is definitely a lie but he’s just gonna go with it.

You: on my way :)

Jungkook receives this text from you roughly two hours later when he’s getting out of the shower.

He deep cleaned his bedroom, put fresh bedding on his mattress, scrubbed every inch of his body and, now he was standing in front of the mirror with nothing but a towel on his hips.

He takes time slathering lotion all over his skin, hoping that you like the vanilla-honey scent before applying a copious amount of deodorant.

He shaved in the shower, taking his time to remove the bit of hair around his crotch because it makes him feel cleaner.

Jungkook’s hair is getting longer too so, he’s been putting leave in conditioner on his ends to keep them healthy and spritzing his hair with anti-frizz serum.

After roughly 20 minutes of primping, he gets another text from you as he’s pulling on his sweat pants.

You: Here <333

Jungkook feels his stomach twist whilst reading your message.

Here goes nothing…

You’re standing outside the door of Jungkook’s house, dressed in a hoodie and a pair of leggings.

Comfy works out for you because, it requires minimal effort and, it’s also your boyfriend’s favorite look on you.

So, it’s a win win.

Given the fact that you and Jungkook usually end up fooling around, you took the time to exfoliate and shave whilst you were in the shower.

You may have also worn a new lacy red bra that had arrived in the mail earlier that day…

But, who knows?

“Yahhh there she is…”

You instantly light up as Jungkook eagerly swings open his front door, quickly pulling you into his grasp.

He smells amazing but, he feels even better and, you waste no time in pulling him close to you.

“I missed you.” You mutter into his hair

He grins, hugging you a bit tighter and, ushering you inside, “Missed you too, are you cold at all?”

Stepping through the threshold of his door, you notice that he’s freshly showered himself, his hair is damp and stringy but, it frames his face perfectly

“A little bit but, I plan on using you for warmth really soon so, I’m good.”

His hand is intertwined with yours as he leads you up to his room and, his face lights up with a smile.

“I got a new duvet on Tuesday, it’s really warm but,” He places a hand on his chest. “,you can still use me though, I missed having you here.”

Jungkook mutters the last half of his sentence, his cheeks warming up at his confession before he pushes open the bedroom door.

You don’t comment on his shyness but, it makes you smile and lean into him a little more.

His room is always clean but, the fresh scent of his disinfectant spray is slightly more pungent than normal. It isn’t a harsh smell; it’s a soft lavender cleaner that he special orders from Korea.

He absolutely hates the scent of bleach.

“It’s a nice color huh?”

Jungkook gestures to the muted grey of his new bedding, which is carefully placed over his mattress.

“I love it, it’s very you.” You smile as your eyes scan the room, “it matches your furniture really well too.”

His eyes light up, “Yeah, yeah that’s why I got it. I knew it would look good with the- um the desk and the dresser and stuff. See, I knew you’d notice that…you always notice things like that.”

Before you can respond he’s speaking again, his tone slightly uneven, “Um do you want to lay down? I know you said you were cold. I can hold you if you want-“ He grimaces at his word choice, not fully understanding why his nerves are taking over already, “not that I don’t want to or anything. I do, I just…I know you’re cold.”

You touch your hand to his cheek, bringing his wandering eyes back to yours, “Are you ok?”

Jungkook swallows, his eyes locking with yours, “Y-Yeah, I just don’t want you to be cold…”

You’re not convinced.

Although the two of you have only been together for 6 months, you like to think you’ve gotten to know Jungkook really well. He isn’t exactly a closed book and, when he’s nervous about something, it’s fairly obvious.

“Are you suuuure?”

The question is paired with a soft kiss to his lips and, Jungkook can’t help but smile when you do, his posture relaxing slightly.

“I’m sure, I’m just happy you’re here. It was weird not seeing you all week.” He tucks a stray hair behind your ear before, pecking your lips.

Again, you’re not convinced but, you don’t want to pry.

He’ll tell you when he’s ready.

The matter of his worries is dropped and, Jungkook quickly (and neatly) pulls back the covers so, that the two of you can slip underneath them.

Moments later, you’re nestled against your boyfriend’s side, draping your arm over your stomach.

“You smell good…” You mutter against his sweater, nuzzling gently against the material.

Jungkook grins triumphantly, silently patting himself on the back for his choice of lotion.

“Thank you,” His chest vibrates with the sound of his voice, “so do you…”

With that, he tentatively raises a hand towards your hair, allowing his fingertips to brush over the top of your head.

The anime begins playing but, you’re more focused on the way his fingers feel, as you melt into the soft fabric of his sweatshirt.

And halfway through the first episode, Jungkook’s motions are beginning to take a toll on you.

But not in the way you’d normally expect…

He’s smiling softly, admiring the way you sigh at his touch, taking time to play with the ends of your hair before massaging gently at your scalp.

“You’re going to make me sleepy…” You mumble contently, a few minutes later and, Jungkook chuckles breathlessly beneath you.

“That’s ok; you can sleep if you need to.”

He means it.

Jungkook had other things on his agenda but, now that you’re here, all he cares about is your comfort.

“Don’t wanna sleep-“ You nudge your nose against his ribcage, “I missed you.”

With another chuckle, he traces his fingers over the edges of your hairline, brushing over the shell of your ear.

You can feel goosebumps rising on your skin but, it’s not intrusive or sudden, they come on slowly along with a type of comfort that only Jungkook can provide.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” He soothes, his motions continuing over the arches of your brows before, he traces back up the expanse of your forehead. “I promise.”

You can feel yourself smile as your blinking slows, taking another deep breath whilst your body seems to melt into him.

The heaviness in your eyelids is growing despite your best efforts to warrant off your exhaustion.

You didn’t want to nap, you wanted to spend time with your boyfriend but, when he tucks his fingers beneath your hair and, begins scratching gently on your scalp, the threat of sleep becomes more prominent.

“Sleepy girl…” He teases, a fond smile on his lips as he watches your eyes finally close. His thumb brushes over your cheek, gently pinching at the skin before, returning his hand to your hair.

This warms you from the inside out and, sooner or later you can’t help but, drift off into a light sleep.

Jungkook smile grows and, he slows his movements to a stop before tugging on the duvet until it covers your shoulders.

He decides in that moment that he really wouldn’t mind spending every night just like this; tucked under the covers, falling asleep in eachother’s arms.

He changes the show to something you’ve already seen; he doesn’t want to watch the anime without you.

After some time has passed, you slowly come out of your slumber, happy you’re still laying on your boyfriend’s chest.

You peer up at Jungkook to see his brow furrowed in concentration as his gaze is locked firmly on the screen.

A smile immediately finds it’s way onto your lips, your finger reaching out to bop him on the nose.

He jumps at first, not understanding the source of the interruption before he quickly matches your smile, ““Yah she’s awake. Did you have a good nap?” He thumbs over your cheek once more and, you’re overcome by the urge to press a kiss against his lips

He’s willing and able to accept it.

His hands come up to hold you against him and, he slowly begins to move his lips against yours

“Mhm...”

His nose wrinkles with the joy on his face as he presses more kisses to your lips.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep, I just haven’t been getting to bed on time this week...”

An adorable pout comes over his mouth, “Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you were able to get some rest. It’s not late or anything.”

It’s well past sunset but, Jungkook’s vanilla cake candle is providing enough light to illuminate the details of your boyfriends face.

You kiss him again, just because he’s cute and you can, “What did you do while I was out?”

His head reclines against his pillow again but, he tugs you closer, ensuring that you remain against him.

“I watched a few episodes of Naruto...” He admits, “I’ve seen it a million times but, I never get tired of it.”

Your arms drape over his shoulders as the upper half of your body rests over his chest. The wispy ends of his black hair are too cute to resist so you absentmindedly toy with them as you respond,

“I get it, I have a few different shows that I’m like that with; I swear I’ve seen The Office so many times I could quote it in my sleep.”

A half smirk curves on the end of his mouth, “Yeah that’s a good one too, Jin hyung watches that show all the time.”

You giggle, tucking a bit of hair behind his ear, “Ah that explains a lot actually, Jin and Michael Scott have a lot in common.”

He chuckles at that, nodding in agreement, leaning his head against your hand.

“Which character do you think you are?”

You purse your lips, mulling it over, your eyes narrowing in thought, “Hmmm that’s a tough one cause like- I wanna say Kelly because, she’s amazing but in reality, I’m probably more of a Kevin.”

Jungkook’s smirk grows, “Isn’t that the guy who dropped his chili all over the place?

With a dramatic sigh, you nod, “God, I’ve never related to anyone more in my entire life...”

A full belly laugh comes from your boyfriends pretty mouth, his body trembling beneath you as he shakes his head.

It’s one of your favorite sounds, especially when it gets all high pitched like it is now.

“Jagi you aren’t Kevin...” He insists, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, “You are cooler than him.”

“You’re just saying that because you see the best side of me; in reality I am 100% Kevin.” You giggle, tucking more hair behind his other ear.

He still chuckles, shaking his head before nodding to you, “Who do you think I am?”

This definitely gets your brain going.

“I’m leaning towards Jim, you guys have a lot in common.” You nod as you continue to think about their similarities, “Yeah, you both have the same sense of humor and, even though you’re more sexy in an obvious way, you both have the same kind of sexiness?? If that makes sense?? But, you’re definitely hotter than Jim.”

You force your train of thought away from the office- style fantasy that pops into your head as Jungkook feels something stir deep in his gut.

“You think I’m sexy?”

You can’t help but laugh at the surprised look on his face, you swear you’ll never understand how Jungkook doesn’t see how hot he is.

“Duh.” You seal your response with a kiss but, Jungkook surprises you by sitting up and tugging you onto his lap.

He chuckles at the squeal that leaves your lips but, he carries on kissing you, his hands sliding up your outer thighs.

You don’t know what prompts his motions but, you’re not really in the mood to ask.

You’d much rather sit on your boyfriend’s lap and, make out with him.

“Can you-” He whispers against your lips, slightly breathless, “Can you say it?”

Your eyes flutter open to catch the shyness in his, “Can I say what?”

Warmth floods the apples of his cheeks, “Can you say that you think I’m sexy?”

A smirk teases the corners of your mouth and, tentatively you roll your hips against his.

“Are you trying to get hard Jungkook?”

You can hear him gulp, his eyes widening a bit before he nods.

With a smirk still on your lips, you tilt his head back, moving your fingers through his hair as you slowly begin placing kisses up the side of his neck.

His breathing picks up and, god help him, he immediately feels his dick hardening in his sweats.

Jungkook’s neck is a sensitive area and, you know exactly where his weak spots are.

As you reach the lobe of his ear, you feel his grip tighten on your hips, his mouth parted slightly to make way for his shaky breath.

“Jungkook?” You whisper in his ear, biting your lip as you see him visibly shiver beneath you.

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re sexy.”

You nibble on his ear before quickly reuniting your lips, your hands sliding underneath his sweater.

His skin is so soft, so warm beneath your fingertips and, there is a large part of you that wishes you could spend hours just touching and kissing your boyfriend’s body.

Jungkook is eagerly reciprocating your kiss whilst his hands slowly move back up the outsides of your thighs.

His plan to get hard definitely worked because, you can feel him poking against your hips and, you’re already thinking of all the different ways you can make him cum.

“Did you get hard for me?” You whisper against his swollen lips, nudging his nose

Instantly he nods, his hands tugging the hem of your hoodie.

You take the hint, pulling back from him in order to remove it.

Your plan is to continue kissing him of course but, as Jungkook spots the fire-red lace cups supporting the swells of your breasts, he lets out a tortured sigh.

“Is that new?” He swallows thickly, biting his bottom lip, allowing his hands to trail up your hips before securing themselves against your waist.

All you do is nod, sticking your chest out a bit and, encouraging him to keep touching you.

Jungkook leans in, dragging the tip of his nose between your breasts, inhaling when he reaches the space between your color bones.

“Did you wear this for me?”

His voice is ragged but, it’s deeper than normal, due to the arousal coating his tone.

“I wanted to look pretty for you.” You whisper, running your fingers through his hair.

You can feel him smile against your chest, his wet lips trailing back to tops of the bra, “You’re always pretty but this-” He grows bolder, biting softly at your breast, “this is torture”

A giggle bubbles past your lips, as you roll down against him once more.

“Jagi I-” The sensation of pleasure that toys with his body acts like a truth serum and, in an act of desperation that he definitely didn’t plan, a confession tumbles from his mouth, “I want you.”

But you don’t quite catch his drift, still rocking slowly against him, arousal slowly beginning to unravel you, “I want you too.”

No like,” He pulls away, his eyes glazed over with desire as they lock onto yours, “I want to be inside of you...”

It’s like a punch to the gut really, the way your boyfriend’s voice seems to quake under the weight of his admission.

You cup his cheek, “Really? Are you sure?”

He nods eagerly, licking his lips before turning to press a kiss to the inside of your wrist, “I want you so bad...”

You’re quick to capture his lips then, kissing into him with more fervor than you ever have.

"Can you do it for us Noona?” He croons into your mouth, his eyes darkened with lust as they plead with yours.

A nod is all you can manage at his devasting way of asking you to ride him.

For the first time...

You’re pulling off his sweater, securing your lips to his once more, kissing on them as you lean him back against the pillows.

Your bottoms are removed, leaving you completely naked as you tug his sweats down his legs.

Jungkook’s erection looks painful and, you feel yourself ache at the thought of finally being able to sit on it.

As you sit astride him once more, you lean down to press a kiss between his eyes before trailing your lips down the bridge of his nose to hover over his mouth.

He looks a little emotional, staring up at you as if you hung the moon just for him.

And you would, you’d do anything for him.

“Are you ready baby?” You whisper

He takes a deep and unstable breath through his nose but, gives you a nod anyway as he exhales through his mouth.

Right as you start lining him up with your entrance, Jungkook cups your cheek, his hand clammed up due to his nerves.

“Jagi?” He croaks

You kiss his hand gently, reassurance in your eyes, “Yeah?”

“G-Go slow please...”

You nod, “Of course, tell me if you want to stop at any point ok?”

He returns your nod before, letting out another breath as his head returns to his pillows.

Slowly but surely, you begin sheathing him in your heat, going as slow as possible so he can feel everything.

His body seems to freeze as you sink down on him, his hands tightening on your hips before a gasp leaves his throat.

Jungkook is quite sure he’s in heaven.

That’s the only explanation for the intense feelings of pleasure swimming through his body. He’s never felt anything so hot, so tight-

So fucking good.

He’s going to lose his mind.

With wide eyes, he stares up at you in awe, his lips parted as the length of his dick is fully inside of you.

You’re not fairing too well either because, Jungkook fills you up perfectly, nudging against the spot within you that makes your head spin.

“Is that ok?”

“ ‘ss so good...” His voice is slurred as his hips jerk beneath you, sending a wave of pleasure through your core.

Biting your lip, you thumb his cheek, trying to hold it together, “Can I ride you now?”

You’re asking because, you want to make sure he’s prepared.

You know this isn’t going to last long but, you still want to blow his mind.

“I’m already so close jagi...I’m sorry...” He chokes on the end of his sentence when you start a pace on his dick, “Oh fu- oh my god...”

“Shh...don’t be sorry, you’re doing so good. You cum whenever you need to ok?”

“Ah- Y/N...”

His beautiful features are screwed up in pleasure, his hands falling off your hips because, he literally doesn’t have the strength to hold on at this point.

Jungkook’s breathing is growing rapid, as his eyes flit to where you’re connected, “Jagi I’m- I’m really inside...I’m really inside of you...” He marvels, his voice weak with emotion as his hips begin to meet yours.

“You feel so good inside of me.” You assure him, increasing your pace which prompts his eyes to roll back momentarily.

“Will you kiss me? Please? I wanna kiss you when I cum...and I’m-” His eyes re-focus but, it doesn’t last long as you lean forward to brace your hands on either side of his head, “Jagi I’m gonna cum already...I’m gonna cum so hard. Oh sh- shit...”

You want every wish of his to come true.

You lean down to connect your lips, your hips moving faster and faster, wanting him to cum harder than he ever has in his entire life.

He whimpers into your mouth as his sweaty hands hold you tightly against his body.

“It’s...fuck I’m sorry, I’m sor- I'm cumming.” He chokes out, his grip tightening intensely as his hips weakly jerk with the force of his release.

He says your name as he cums inside of you, trying his best to kiss you properly but, it’s wet and sloppy.

You don’t care though, you ride him through his orgasm, keeping your lips connected.

“There you go, cum for me baby...” You coo, kissing all over his face as the pleasure continues to wrack his senses.

Jungkook knows his never cum harder in his life and, by the time his orgasm settles down, he’s properly spent.

He doesn’t completely register the feeling of you sliding off of him as his whole body is alight with tingles.

You make sure to clean him up, pressing gentle kisses to his stomach as you do.

You didn’t cum this time and, to be honest, it doesn’t really matter.

What you’ve both just experienced was too intimate to measure and, orgasms weren’t really the point this time.

Tucking into your boyfriend’s body you bring him close, tugging the duvet over his shoulders this time...

“Hi” He whispers, tucking his face shyly into your neck, his breathing not fully recovered.

“Hi you...”

With a smile on your mouth, you press a kiss to his head, holding him tightly to you.

He kisses your chest, feeling ridiculous at how shy he suddenly feels, “I think-” He stops himself to peek up at you, a bit of moisture in his eyes, “I think I’m falling for you.”

Your heart throbs at his confession, kissing his lips once more before whispering, “I think I am too.”

Jungkook knows you didn’t finish and, he plans on addressing that when he settles down but right now, all he can do is hold you.

He thinks he’s finally figured it out:

You can’t plan a perfect moment because, perfection just doesn’t exist.

But as along as he’s with you, it doesn’t really matter.

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moderatelydelusional · 3 years ago

Note

Okay so everytime I’m watching a show I google what happens to make sure my fave doesn’t die or fave couple stays together. So I did this for criminal minds and it’s super unclear online whether Reid lives at the end of cm so I was unsure about it for a long time.

Why do you think he’s dead?

*stretches fingers* immy, my dear friend, buckle up

let’s take ourselves back to that dreaded night in the cemetery shed. after being dozed no less than five times with dilaudid and being thrown onto the floor, reid had an overdose induced seizure and coded. his heart stop. when your heart stops, the rest of your body quickly follows suit because no blood is circulating. ok we all know this so idk why im explaining it.

the important thing to note next is within 3 minutes of your heart stopping, your brain begins to shut down. within 5 minutes, brain cells begin to die and permanent brain damage begins. even if we believe reid was successfully revived by tobias, how long was tobias outside debating with his alters until he came back and started chest compressions? since there’s no timeline indicators during the episode for this moment, we can believe there was at least a few minutes between reid coding and being revived.

so. heres my theory. reid was never revived. he died. HOWEVER he hasn’t accepted it. he can’t accept it. so the next following seasons are reid thinking he’s living his life but actually it's a bunch of spirit guides trying to convince him to pass over.

emily is his main guide and her 'death' is one of the many, many extensive and elaborate ways they try and get reid to come to terms with death and accept his own.

he finally accepts his death in s15. he collapses when he gets home after that explosion and he hallucinates a bunch of dead characters as he's in a coma in hospital. in actual fact, his guides have just rly had it. they've been at this for so long. in real life his mum has also passed away so when reid wakes up in 'hospital' and asks 'is this heaven?' to his mum, that's him finally accepting it.

the party at rossi's at the end is his heaven. at first he's at the mansion and it's just him and gideon. then it's rossi. then hotch. then morgan and emily and jj and slowly everyone joins bc they die in real life. time doesn't move in the same way it does in life. it's all layered so it only feels like he's been at rossi's mansion for like an hour before the whole place is full of his friends and family.

reid is dead, have a nice day <3

#immypersonal #asks #spencer hc #matty g #loren writes #lorens dumb hc

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amphtaminedreams · 2 years ago

Text

Well it’s Far too Late to Call This “Winter Fits”: Lookbook No.19

Hellooo to anyone reading!

Happy end of seasonal depression hours! Supposedly! It’s only now that we’ve entered August that I’m finally no longer freezing my tits off but alas! It’s summer now, right?! Well into it! I’m trying for 5 minutes not to think about the role that climate change plays in the heat we’re experiencing right now to avoid the ever proliferating sense of impending doom and I’m about to (probably very poorly) help myself do that by throwing it back to winter, the end of which was supposed to be my personal deadline for this post. At this point, this is less a winter outfit diary and more Outfits of the Year Part 1. But let’s not call it that officially; it feels a little too close to the format of my fashion week recap posts and I don’t want to end up giving off the impression that I too am out here showcasing head to toe Balenciaga or something. Unfortunately, *manifesting* that I have the kind of money to afford that only goes so far. Oh, to be a nepotism baby and be free of the shackles of a life spent in retail until I get myself tens of thousands of grand in debt funding a degree which *may* then grant me access to a job where I can finally afford a can of chickpeas because the year is 2030 and they’ve now gone up to £5 per pea. No one has truly stared into the soul of the cost of living crisis like a retail worker who’s taken a 49p label off a shelf edge during an SEL audit to replace it with a 94p one. Let me say, they weren’t even good chickpeas. Took an hour to soften, FFS. Oh, the trials and tribulations of vegetarian cooking.

Back to the point before this turns into a chickpea brand tier ranking though-this year I have been making an EFFORT with my day to day outfits. I unintentionally played myself when I turned up with a full face of makeup and a cute outfit to my first seminar of the year because since then I’ve felt this self-imposed pressure to keep it up. This is even though actual term time finished back in March; it’s wild given I still associate breaking up for “summer” with sweaty classrooms and walking home in my secondary school blazer with a big time SULA giving off big Rihanna “shine bright like my forehead” meme energy. Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved the content of my course but a 5 month break is like…ahhh, chef’s kiss. Uni is so INTENSE. You can dedicate 90% of your free time to studying and still be ridiculously behind, and I genuinely wonder on the daily whether I have genuinely lost a significant number of brain cells over the last few years because to be real, I properly coasted through that year of history undergraduate and A-levels were probably the last time before this year I totally threw myself into something. Yeah, first year ended in weeks of all nighters but ya know, probs wouldn’t have found myself in that situation if I’d paid attention to the course or done any of the reading for the entirety of the rest of the year.

-23/01/22-

(blazer from Primark*, beret from Topshop*, argyle mesh socks from ASOS, turtleneck from charity shop, shirt from charity shop, boots from ASOS)

It is really daunting doing a degree you genuinely enjoy because when you flop, the imposter syndrome is veryyyy real. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t lack understanding or ideas, I’m just not used to writing in a formal, unbiased style which psychology as a discipline is utterly obsessed with given the whole inferiority complex surrounding its status as a “proper science”. PLEASEEE, not a statistics module making up a solid 50% of my course for the entire 3 years. STATISTICS. In the wise words of Katya Zamolodchikova:

I almost did a maths degree because as a subject it was pleasantly straightforward to me until I remembered oh my god, do you really want to spend 4 years learning about distributions and probability and yet…here I am, doing exactly that. Here’s to me spending a significant proportion of my summer doing an SPSS basics course in the face of the realisation that I cannot, in fact, get through this degree just trying random buttons. Maybe, possibly, my decision to see the tutorial workbook as optional in spite of all evidence saying otherwise was a mistake, tehe. I have many regrets xoxo

-14/01/22-

(blazer dress from Topshop, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear, body chain from _chain_mail on Depop)

So why is it that I’m out here posting this months after teaching finished? Well I have work work (the do it til you die literally just to survive type, love that for us) and until a few days ago had a piece of coursework due, originally with a MARCH deadline, that I requested enough extensions for that they ended up just deferring it to the end of the academic year. And then I missed that too-yesterday morning I finished up the coursework, and it took me half an hour to write what it had taken me 3 days to write in the 72 hours preceding that deadline. Stress really hinders your ability to string a sentence together so take that as my way of justifying my messy posts. Case in point: back to this post’s purpose. I wore some cracking stuff this year. Despite this self-imposed pressure, putting together an outfit and allowing myself a couple of hours to do my makeup to go onto campus has been so therapeutic for me, like genuinely one of the small pleasures in life. People look at me like I’m insane when I tell them I’m voluntarily getting up at 7 for a 9:30am so I have time to get ready, and yeah, I naturally only tend to sleep for a couple of hours anyway but I would likely still get an early start regardless as it truly is such a confidence boost and motivation to properly throw yourself into the experience when you make an effort and feel good about yourself, even if that is a bit superficial of me to say. Romanticise the fuck out of your life and all that, do what you need to do to motivate yourself! So based on that, I’ve been able to put together a little outfit diary of some of the the outfits I’ve been really feelin myself in over the past few months. As is tradition, there is of course the few outfits I planned in my head which never materialised because I am theoretically a lot more social than the reality which is to say that I cancel plans like nobody’s business. My social battery drains like my iPhone post introduction to a Primark portable charger . I think I convinced myself during the pandemic that I was much more of an ambivert than I actually am, lol.

Also, I know. Given I was blasting the heating in Valencia in April, that I would really be wearing any top with that much exposed flesh at any point before this July heatwave is sounding a lot like fiction. But that’s because once I knew the outfits these started as were never leaving my room, I spiced them up a little bit, okay!!! We’re in the realm of experimentation now anyway. It’s a sentiment that I’ve seen a lot of people echo lately but I’ve become so hyper aware lately of what is “on trend” and how quickly that passes because of this whole phenomena of micro trends which definitely isn’t caused by but has also def been exacerbated by TikTok and the need to brand fucking everythingggg as some kind of aesthetic. So, whilst it had the unintended consequence of me becoming some what of a clothes hoarder, I’ve definitely been trying to plan outfits over the last year that make use of clothes that I bought when they were in every high street store and trying to incorporate them into outfits differently.

Look 1

Making this Vanessa Mooney mini playsuit appropriate for colder weather was a little tricky and obviously I went too extra with it to actually wear it out but it has defo forced me to be more creative and made me think more creatively. Yes, that’s me framing outfit planning as some kind of brain workout, I said what I said. But it’s the closest thing I do to using actual brain cells lately so allow it. I have to really big up Steal the Spotlight for inspiring me to do this because she really makes the only YouTube fashion videos I still watch and I am constantly wowed by how creative her outfits are. I truly miss the days when I’d get excited to watch unsponsored lookbooks and fashion content wasn’t primarily accessible via the medium of a less than 30 second clip where a teenager talks about how ugly something everyone was wearing a couple of weeks ago now is. I feel like I am super out of the loop not having TikTok because people really do reference them like they’re common knowledge and I do want it SO BAD but I am determined to wear what the fuck I want and feel like I am serving without knowing that its apparently been done to death or is a “trend” we should forget from a few years ago. Steal the spotlight and Vogue Runway with a little fast fashion browse for styling ideas are really all the fashion content I’m consuming these days but you know what? Playing a little game of Cher’s closet from clueless in my head is a fun one.

-06/01/22-

(t-shirt from Topshop, jeans from YesStyle*, faux leather blazer from Nasty Gal*, corduroy jacket from freyax19 on Depop, beanie from Primark*, with Doc Marten Jadon platforms)

I’m not going to make up some story about where I planned on wearing this outfit but it took me a long ass time to work out how TF I could wear a turtleneck under this playsuit. In steps the Minga Venus top which I once made the mistake of wearing to a concert. It was November but concert venues seem to truly have their own microclimate and I was boiling hot. That taught me two things-one, that humans packed into a venue like excitable sardines in a tin definitely smell exactly like what a can of sardines if you left them in the sun for long enough would smell like, and two, that velvet turtlenecks do a marvellous job at conserving body heat. I loveee any piece of clothing that strays from your typical print, especially anything that incorporates art. I recently found another Alphonse Mucha print mesh piece from UO on Depop and my hand has never hit that add to basket button so hard. This one is in COLOUR!! But anyway, a white silk bodysuit with a velvet Venus print top felt like a very decadent combo so I took it all the way with the celestial print Koi boots that are still probs my fave piece of footwear of all time. The whole outfit suddenly became very 70s bohemian mystic and did I fulfil my brief of tilting the aesthetic balance more towards Mick than Bianca Jagger with the fur trim House of Sunny coat? Perhaps not. I wanted some darker, grungier details but somewhere between low-rent glam rock and Studio 64 inspired seems to be where the needle landed and you know what, I’ll take it. A rock and roll take on fairy core I hope (that’s a thing now too apparently, to what exactly it applies idk but if we’re talking TikTok aesthetics, it’s better than “clean girl”).

-02/01/22-

(argyle top from Urban Outfitters*, denim flares from sallllll on Depop, trench coat from charity shop, leather blazer as before, heels shown from Koi Vegan Footwear, with Docs as before)

Ngl, I’m still kinda on the fence about the vinyl jacket. It precluded the UO green fur trim jacket and it was from Depop, back when I was scouting it under the illusion the multiple fur trimmed jackets I already had were not enough. To give myself some credit here, I was deep into my end of year deadline crisis, or what I thought was my final deadline-related crisis, and given these jackets were all at home, I’d kinda forgotten they all existed in my temporary insanity. The issue with Depop is that you can’t see the quality, and when it turns up and it isn’t what you hoped, there’s not much you can do about it. The vinyl isn’t the best quality and though it’s probably fair for the £30 the seller charged me, I found it still retailing for £60 on H&M. Moral of the story is that if you’re looking for something quality, as I was with one of those decadent vintage looking fur trim coats, maybe go directly to one of the vintage Depop stores or go somewhere you can see the piece in person. When I put it with the Vanessa Mooney playsuit and the Venus print top it worked out okay but I rarely know what to wear it with on a day to day basis.

-01/01/21-

(dress from Topshop*, leather blazer as before, beanie as before, turtleneck as before)

-01/02/22-

(two piece from miajohnson26 on Depop, boots as before)

-20/01/22-

(blazer from Nasty Gal*, shirt from charity shop, coat from Collusion, argyle mesh socks as before, choker from Regal Rose, with Docs as before)

Look 2

I wish I could say I held out longer on buying this Ragged Priest cardi than I did. My friend messaged me they had a sale and I can’t lie..I ended up browsing. She is truly the main culprit in 75% of my shopping addiction relapses. Never use a new ragged priest drop to test your willpower-you will come away feeling like a giant, broke idiot. I know, I know, you can get granny cardigans second hand anywhere. Believe me, I scoured Depop. But it’s true what they say we always want what we can’t have. I thought I was getting what I couldn’t have, ya know, getting my cake and eating it, but joke was on me because turns out the thing that I actually wanted and can’t have is a decent balance in my savings account after also deciding to buy the jeans I told my friend I also liked and definitely WOULDN’T be buying. Such is life. Anyways, this is an outfit I DID genuinely plan to wear out during one of the by all other accounts “spring” months which are actually, in my mind, winter months. Idc, April is still winter to me.

The jeans are from Depop, previously Weekday, and I fucking loveee them. Plus, the seller was such a sweetheart they included the dark wash pair they were also selling in for me. Absolute babe behaviour. They’re absolutely hated by my parents and my sister, confusing to put on when drunk, and get me scowled at by old people. But hey, they’re cheaper than the similar pair I almost also brought from the ragged priest, so I count that as a personal win.

In terms of accessorising, I didn’t know whether to lean fully into the grungy element of things or to channel that 2013 Joanna Kutcha vibe. I think that’s the last time I had my finger on the pulse of anything culturally relevant and it’s clearly stuck. Technically though, I guess I did both by including the Fila Disruptors though I will always see them as the kind of shoes boys in my year at secondary school would call “gothy” on the same grounds they applied that label to wearing dark red lipstick. The shock. The horror. Basically, they make me feel like I can stomp on shit n that’s all in the nature of the rebellious spirit that drove a 90s girl band, right? Pls, I wish I could sing or play some kind of instrument so I could take part in a revival of that era because god knows we need it more than fucking ever.

-23/02/22-

(flares from Collusion, bucket hat from babbiebp on Depop, coat from charity shop with patches from PatchShopLtd, fairycakes & pastelriotshop on Etsy, red leather blazer from beawilson on Depop, Fila top from phoebemckk, and shirt worn underneath from Zara*, with Docs as before)

-06/03/22-

(coat from Urban Outfitters, top from Ebay, bodysuit from Gilly Hicks*, skirt from immysurridge on Depop, hairband from zenacowen, with Docs as before)

Look 3

For this look, we have another fur trim green coat. And yes, it’s under the leather blazer that I wear to death. I would call it my grinch era since I can’t seem to resist anything green and fluffy RN but I don’t think it’s so much an era as a frightening kindredness of spirit with that guy that runs kind of in reverse where Christmas is one of the few days of the year I’m actually in a BETTER mood. Now I can’t lie, these were a couple of my fast fashion purchases of the year-the coat was retailing for about £90 in UO when I first saw it and this, my friends, is where browsing is dangerous bc when I saw it reduced down to £40 like…my heart jumped out of my chest. I sound like a broke record at this point but completely ethical purchasing or just even LIVING in this world is a fucking task and a half. I consider myself someone who tries my best (god do I miss Milkybar and god does it hurt walking past a white chocolate and salted caramel Extreme cone on Clubcard offer, god damn you Nestle you morally corrupt evil incarnate company) but you don’t work in a shitty job just to wallow in self-loathing every time you buy yourself a new coat. I’ve never regretted spending money on outerwear and me and this baby were a love at first sight kinda pairing. The slip was a Topshop piece I got through ASOS (can we please talk about how much of an UPGRADE Topshop has been on the receiving end of since it went online? I hadn’t seen anything I liked in there for years beforehand, everything was bland af, I can only imagine cutting the costs of renting out premises has allowed them to become a little more experimental again) and the others are old pieces I know have been included in a few past look books. I’ve also worn the celestial print mesh top (originally UO), boots (Koi Vegan Footwear) and the velvet baker boy (from the Oxford St. Topshop, one of the few irl stores I still used to find gems in right up until the end, RIP my friend) to absolute death but I will never fall out of love with anything remotely 70s Bohemian luxe.

-31/01/22-

(dress from Urban Outfitters, beanie from ASOS, coat as before, top worn underneath from Urban Outfitters*, with Docs as before)

-15/03/22-

(coat as before, sweater vest from Daisy Street, cargo trousers from debbiec101 on Depop, bag from Urban Outfitters, with Fila Disruptor Ii Platform Wedge trainers in white*)

-27/03/22-

(coat from Topshop, shirt underneath as before, sweater vest from YesStyle*, bag as before, trousers from rachelgriffihs12 on Depop, sunglasses from Ebay, Docs as before)

Look 4

Honest answer? Of the following 3, is this jumper more Jennie from Gossip Girl, Effy Stonem in season 3 of skins, or Eugenia Cooney? I don’t know how I feel about any of these things. I cringe a little at the possibility any of those 3 may be perceived as my intention. But I think I watched the entirety of Gossip Girl too recently (don’t bother) to completely erase it from my brain and if my reaction to seeing Ollie Barbieri on the tube the other day is anything to go by, clearly the Skins influence remains strong despite the shivers of embarrassment my 2013 Tumblr presence still sends down my spine. It was definitely NOT supposed to be a “fuck u mum n dad U DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!!” moment. I’m not familiar with my k-pop references before but I’ve definitely subconsciously picked up on that punky, early 2000s Avril lavigne but make it spicy vibe and that, my friends, was the intention. Trust me, they’ll refer to this period of fashion as early 2020s does y2k MySpace girl and early 2020s does y2k bimbo like they do “y2k does 70s boho” in a few years time. And then give it a few more years and it’ll be “early 2020s does y2k does 70s boho and has a baby with 2020s does y2k bimbo too”. The more I make these predictions the more I am coming to the conclusion that the best way to sum up fast fashion trends atm is that they mutate and breed like viruses.

-09/02/22-

(dress from Motel Rocks*, top from kk0103 on Depop)

Anyways, the jumper is a lil Ebay number and true to trend mutating form, I brought the old y2k Avril style boyfriend jeans in too, which I had long lusted after since the whole Cargo trousers thang begun; pockets, flexibility and comfort are rarities when it comes to women’s clothing so these were a worthy investment. Following true early 2000s chick flick logic, you can’t go Goth and skater, right? Wrong. Is it just me or were they one and the same at secondary school? There was always a sickly looking quiet boy who you would’ve forgot was even in your year if it were not for the daily sighting of him sloping away from his group of Pierce the Vail groupie girlfriends with his skateboard at the end of the school day. Again, the filas are out n as if I didn’t need to draw from any other style, I bought a bucket hat in. IDK, I feel like they’re cuter than they are a street style staple when they’re fluffy lol. Fluffy makes anything cute (okay Rubeus Hagrid, I hear u say).

-10/02/22-

(leather blazer as before, argyle mesh socks as before, Doc Martens as before, bag from Primark*, corset from madeyoulooks on Depop, white shirt underneath as before, plaid skirt from YesStyle*)

-13/03/22-

(slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, corset from hanpiercey, white shirt and turtleneck as before, boots as before, with Crikey BB Poppy Lissiman bag )

-27/01/22-

(dress from glorres on Depop [altered], leather blazer as before, beret from ASOS, Docs as before, sherpa coat from Topshop*)

Look 5

I go through stages of being obsessed with this Fila top and the varsity thing when you toughen it up a little with the rest of your pieces. I don’t know if a trench coat fits the brief but I thought it worked as a whole with the platform FILAs to give a boarding school but like…make it a bit teenage angst kinda vibe. Kinda like Poppy Moore’s (if you weren’t obsessed with Wild Child in your adolescent years, what were you doing with your life?) L.A girl take on her boarding school’s uniform but less a necessary evil because I was sent there for a giant rager in a Malibu beach house and more because I like…set fire to the staff room at my private school or something. Anyways, a tennis skirt will never not be a staple for me. Their reach extends far beyond the gilded American Apparel obsession era. So j just went full school girl with it. If St.Trinidad’s didn’t further add to the overwhelming body of evidence that a collegiate influenced look didn’t slap with consistency I don’t know what will do it for you.

-14/02/22-

(coat from Out of the Ordinary Clothing, leather blazer as before, velvet bakerboy from Topshop*, flares from seren_richards on Depop, bodysuit from sashabill, Docs as before)

-16/02/22-

(mesh flares from Urban Outfitters, pleather waistcoat from ASOS, top underneath from Urban Outfitters, red leather blazer as before, Afghan coat from louisemarcella on Depop, beret from Ebay, Docs as before)

-18/01/22-

(beret from New Girl Order, skirt from Urban Outfitters, leather blazer as before, shirt from Ebay, Docs as before)

-20/02/22-

(beret as before, sweater vest from Juicy Couture, plaid skirt as before, shirt as before, coat as before, with Fila Disruptor Ii Platform Wedge trainers in black*)

So! That’s it for now! I doubt I will be doing a summer outfits post; we’re already well into the summer now and if British weather follows it’s usual pattern, I’m sure we’ll be back to the usual August school holiday showers soon enough. I do have a plan to make a sort-of outfit post from the holiday my sister and I went on to Disneyworld. Because yes, I literally took a ridiculous amount of photos, want to give my unsolicited opinion on every bit of food I ate (because being obsessive about food is one of my few remaining personalities traits at this point) and justify to myself why spending all that fuckin money was worth it, tehe! I’m already deluding myself into thinking I am capable of saving the 3 grand it’d take to go again this summer because I know it may be the capitalist Mecca of America but given all the childhood nostalgia it brings me I’m willing to overlook it. I would also love to do a proper lookbook again soon kinda along the lines of the Euphoria/Sitting Front Row at..etc. but I am stumped for ideas and I only treat myself to new clothes a few times a year now so I lack the materials. Creativity will strike at some point, I hope!

Anyways, thank you as always for reading if you did so! I’ll get back into it with another fashion week recap soon and am currently deciding whether to do a Haute Couture Week post after my F/W22 posts or just kinda do a brief interlude with it, mostly on the basis it could probably fit in one more compact post. I also do wanna get that Disney content in there bc…like I said, we’re all allowed just a *little* dip in the ocean of extreme capitalism now and again right? I got my karmic punishment when I paid $8 for a “Cheshire Cat” twist on my last day in Magic Kingdom and found that it tasted like an underwhelming version of the Costa Coffee one. I dropped this thing on the floor and ate it anyway because I will be DAMNED if I let that thing go to waste after realising only half way through the holiday that I could actually just fill up my water bottle at the water fountain near our hotel room and store it in the fridge to chill it overnight rather than spending $5 on ridiculously fucking tiny bottle of Dasani water every morning. If my delusional hope of a trip there next summer (doubtful based on my awful money management skills) comes to fruition I will most definitely be going with a much thriftier mindset and the staunch resolution NOT to feel morally obligated to tip. That moment when the girl at one of the EPCOT kiosks turned the card machine around after handing me a single bottle of overpriced water, which they took their sweet time retrieving anyway because there was a small bee in front of the fridge, should’ve been a turning point; you live in ALLIGATOR country, ffs. And I just paid you an extra $2 because I couldn’t look you in the eyes if I didn’t. I have cleaned up a person’s literal shit from the shopfloor at work and been threatened ad naseuam by every local crackhouse resident when I politely ask them not to steal 8 bottles of wine for the third time that day and yet half our customers don’t even say thank you when I step out the way to let them pass whilst trying to carry a 3 pack of 5 litre bottles of water one handed. So on that happy note, wishing ya all the best and again, thank you so much for reading if you got to this point! I’ll be back soon!

Lauren x

*old pieces (last stocked over a year ago) marked by asterisk

#ootd #outfitdiary #fashion #fashion inspo #fashion inspiration #personal style #style #style inspo #thrift #sustainable fashion #second hand #winter #winter fashion #styling #grunge #throwback #london #londonist #street style

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titilationexpress · 3 years ago

Text

Sweet Dreams are Made of Screams Ch.3

You awoke with a start, gasping as you found yourself back in your bed, heart racing and sweat beading down your forehead, yet you were clearly where you had last been when you fell asleep.

Rising from your mattress, you looked down at yourself, seeing that you were back to your human self. Or...were you your human self in that...dream?

You couldn’t really remember, suddenly feeling quite tense. “God, what WAS that?” you said aloud, rubbing your temple.

You checked your phone and saw yet more requests for Starscream popping into your messages. You flopped back on the bed with a groan. It seemed that you wouldn’t be getting away from him, whether it be your dreams OR wide awake!

Yet what you had experienced…

Throughout the day, you found yourself unable to focus on anything. Whether it be at school/college/work or in your free time, the Decepticon would not leave your brain. That wasn’t really new, the constant requests for him made his presence in your mind a regular, yet this was different. You didn’t know how to explain it, but Starscream seemed to make his presence known. As in, ridiculous as it sounds, like he’s always over your shoulder, watching you.

A fictional character was somehow transcending reality and subtly manipulating you into doing his bidding. Or was it yours, as, despite the feeling of eyes on the back of your head, you have been wanting to write about him for some time.

Yet unlike before, something had changed. True, that dream you had left you rather flustered (not to mention quite wet that morning), but also...inspired? Was that the word? Well, whatever it was, it eventually managed to get you going on churning out more reader insert entries. You went through your requests, going down the list of bots and scenarios when finally, one snags your attention.

Vampire!Starscream X Reader.

Well, that was quite the challenge, wasn’t it?

Sure, you had experimented with that in the past, yet once again, Starscream seemed to haunt you everywhere you went. Just what was it that...that made him so difficult for you? Why couldn’t you just write something?!

It was then though that your mind went back to the dream and your...intimate encounter with your favorite version of the character. His words regarding your doubts, your insecurities regarding your ability to write for him….how all of it was true. And how, to overcome it, you had to cast aside your inhibitions.

You just had to “do”.

It was an hour later or so that you were still at your computer/laptop, trying to figure out where to go from here. You had the scenario in mind, now to build a plot off of it. So far, all you had was that it was in G1 (or at least some version of it at least. Hey, headcanons and AUs were serious business, you had learned), and that you somehow became Starscream’s vampire bride in the end. It was kinda stupid, but hey, G1 was known for equally crazy shit.

The only problem was where to start.

True, you knew what the end result would be, but how to get there was the question. Better yet, how the hell do robots turn into vampires?! Ugh! You couldn’t do this! You just couldn’t! You were doomed for failure! You slapped your hand against your head, trying to keep yourself from getting too frazzled. But how were you going to do this?

It was then that you heard something. Or rather, thought something.

‘Shockwave this, Shockwave that. All I ever hear about is how great Shockwave is!’

You knew that quote! Starscream’s brigade! It grew to be one of your favorites of G1! But what did that have to do with…wait a minute. Shockwave...Shockwave was left on Cybertron but was also somewhat of a scientist. And there had been references to other planets and aliens in the series (hell, Season 3 had barely anything to do with Earth at that point), and there were such things as Petro Rabbits, so why couldn’t Shockwave have a collection of live specimens to study?

And you, the Reader, we’re going to be his assistant.

From there, more and more came to you, you typing like mad as you clicked and clacked the keyboard, everything just pouring out of you at once! You were doing this, you realized. Holy shit, you were doing this! On and on you wrote, getting the outline and first part done. Then came the second, third, and so on.

And when you finally gained the courage to post them (you had not submitted them quite yet, having held back), you saw that the reception was...good.

It was good.

Sure, the first part only had a few likes so far, but it seemed to be ok. Still, you didn’t get your hopes up too high. But it wasn’t long after that you found yourself aboard the abandoned ship again, only this time, there was no one in the cell. You knew well who should’ve been in there.

“S-Starscream?” You stammered, voice echoing off the walls. It was then that you felt a servo trail it’s way up your spine, causing you to nearly leap out of your skin. Turning, you saw the amused, chortling form of your favorite Starscream, clearly pleased with himself in having given you a fright. “Don’t do that to me!” you held your chest, feeling your heart beating.

“Welcome back.” The Seeker greeted. “It looks like we’re in for another eventful night.”

Your eyes widened. “We are?” You remembered last time well. How bizarre the whole situation was...but also how good it felt. How good he felt.

“Yes, you’ve been aching for another night with me, haven’t you?” He whispered in your ear, sending a chill down your back. “Don’t bother denying it. I can see into your thoughts, remember?” His eyes then began to glow red. “And I also know what you’ve written about me recently.”

“Oh, that.” Your cheeks grew red. “Yeah, well...it was my first time writing for you, and...well, I’ve never done anything with vampires before, so…” it was then that you noticed Starscream’s eyes seeming more...red than you remembered. And...and since when did he have fangs?! “The hell?!”

Starscream only chuckled. “Don’t you remember? This was from what you had written but a short time ago.”

Oh, right. “It’s…kinda stupid though, the story I mean,” you shifted nervously. “I mean, it’s not really meant to be taken seriously.”

“But,” Starscream approached you, holding your chin gently. “You DID finally face your fears, right?” You nodded. “But yet, you’re still unsure.” Sighing, you nodded. “Well,” his optics glimmered. “We’ll have to fix that, won’t we?”

You stiffened, knowing where this was going. The environment around you changed to that of the Nemesis’ brig, you in a cell with Starscream. The same position the Reader was in near the end of the story. You knew well what was about to happen, Starscream slowly backing you up against the wall. And yet not once did you tell him to back off. True, your heart was racing, yet it wasn’t entirely out of fear. No, you feared what would come next.

“Relax, my dear.” Starscream assured you. “I’ll be gentle.” He opened his mouth, revealing pronounced canines on his upper set of dentas.

You released a heavy sigh and let it happen. The Seeker bit down on your neck and into your flesh. There was slight pain, yes, yet you could stop this anytime you wanted. You let it continue. The sting from his fangs entering you lasted only a few seconds though, as there was a rushing warmth that overtook you.

“Ah, found your courage, have you?” Starscream questioned. “Well then,” he lowered his hand to your lower regions, lightly stroking it. “Shall we take things one step further?”

Honestly, you didn’t see why not.

That night, you two had another session, the Decepticon exploring and driving you crazy with his methods, you, in turn, responding in kind. Turns out a tongue savoring his spike was one of the things you did that could make him, fittingly enough, scream. And then, you woke up, a kiss bringing out of the dream once again. More requests, and yet...and yet, this time, you felt somewhat more...confident.

You decided to try out another scenario, taking your time with this one, yet not allowing anxiety to have as much of a hold over you. And, to your surprise, this Starscream x Reader fic got good reception too! True, you still wrote for all the other Autobots and Decepticons, yet the Seeker, whatever incarnation he was, proved to be some of your most popular.

Which, in turn, led to you getting more and more visits from him.

It wasn’t each night, yet sometimes, especially when you were either in the midst of writing one, or were struggling to come up with a scenario, he would appear. Luring you into the darkness to join him, allowing yourself to cast away the chains that once held you back.

And thus, you found yourself here again. The same ship, and same voice calling you. It seemed he wished to repeat how you two had met the first time.

“I know, I know...you belo-o-ng to so-omebody ne-e-w,” you heard his voice echoing all around, you recognized the song. It was an older one, one that your mother liked, remembering it from your grandmother’s vinyl collection. What was it called? Patience and Prudence’s…

“But toni-i-ght, you belong, to me…”

Ah, yes. How...oddly fitting. You followed the Seeker’s surprisingly bearable singing, listening and taking note of which direction it was coming from. What would it be tonight, you wondered. A dive into a new situation for the Reader, aka yourself, or something new? Sometimes Screamer himself came up with ideas, of which you would do, if not just to allow him to let you finish. Though you did get your revenge mostly, there were times where you were just wanting some smooth pillow talk. Starscream frankly made you exhausted. In a good way? Honestly, even now, you weren’t sure.

And yet, here you were, about to indulge him yet again.

“My honey I know, I know,” the source of the voice was close. “With the da-a-wn, that yo-o-u, will be go-o-ne,” you saw the cell, yet Starscream wasn’t confined. You couldn’t confine him now, even if you wanted to. “But tonight…” and, if you had to be honest, “You belong,” you didn’t want to. “To me.”

#starscream x reader #starscream #prime #g1 #animated #transformers animated #transformers #smut #first lemon

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