#the fic with too many footnotes

[indecisivemuch]

hii first of all luv the username cause as a libra rising, samedt ;-; i'd like to make a request for a luke x f!reader fic pls!! um, so they're best friends, and luke decides to confess to r by giving her gifts, letters, trinkets, etc. with hints about his identity, but she doesn't know who they're from. so she asks for luke's help to find out about the identity of her secret admirer. but what if there's like a mistaken identity and she thinks it's someone from the hermes cabin (maybe chris? or one of the stoll brothers idk) and luke's just all pouty but nonchalant or something, but deep down he's like 'how do i even make her see' or something (while also second guessing that maybe he shouldn't confess it's him) like fluff with tiny angst :>

Message in a Bottle

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Reader

Summary: You got a secret admirer and recruited Luke to help you find out who they are...ignoring the most obvious option (Fluff, angst, best friends to lovers, happy ending)

Note: I'm so sorry for the six month hiatus. It wasn't by choice, I swear 😭. So many bad things kept happening that prevented me from writing (is this the writers curse people kept talking about?). Also, the request wanted only a sprinkle of angst, but I kinda got out of hand with it I think 😭 (sorry).

Word count: 4.4k (whoops)

You’ve always thought that too much of something is bad. Yet, ever since the day your life intertwined with Luke Castellan’s, you weren’t very sure about that anymore. 

The two of you arrived at camp around the same time, entering a friendship that felt like hitting the jackpot. Your early days together were something that you both treasured dearly. Every time you thought a certain time period would someday be reminisced as the golden days of your friendships, new things would come, and top it off. 

However, golden skies were soon evaded by clouds of pink hues. You found yourself noticing and appreciating small details you haven’t noticed before about your best friend. Initially, you acknowledged the growing feeling but decided that they better remain as footnotes in chapters of your life. However, fate’s design was different to your plans, because two years later, here you were: you looked at him almost in the same way a fool would look at the world with rose-colored glasses (but then again, maybe it was because you have learned to embrace and adore his flaws).

“Luke!”

The Hermes cabin counselor snapped his head towards the sound of your voice, eyes straying from his duty of the hour. A smile began forming on his face as you came to view, almost like he has always been programmed to do so. There was a certain spring in your steps. Moments like these made Luke feel like he was a minimalist because your happiness was somehow enough to guarantee his own. 

You situated yourself next to Luke on the ground, not minding the dirt.

“Hey now, I’m meant to be watching these kids train, don’t come over and distract me,” the Hermes cabin counselor warned, though he didn’t move his eyes away from you. He simply couldn’t.

Everything about you served as a distraction to him. From the soft smirk gracing your lips to the innocent tilting of your head. Every little detail about you was captivating and was equally capable of drawing his attention away from wherever it was meant to be. 

In fact, his attention issue around you was getting rather shameless because his friends have begun picking up on it and started teasing him for it. Personally, Luke doesn’t think it was his fault. His eyes just happen to draw to you in every room like second nature, while his mind short-circuited every time you were near. 

Maybe, and just maybe being rational and able to function properly has stopped being his forte…at least whenever you were around.

Your eyes moved to the group of kids that were only going to be at camp for the summer. From the looks of it, Luke has just assigned them to practice sword fighting in pairs. You then glanced back at your best friend, discreetly drinking in the sight of him. 

No doubt he did his fair share of demonstration before letting these kids go off on their own, because right now, his face was slightly flushed, veins evident on his forearm while the familiar orange shirt clung onto his body with glistening sweat.

You shook away the non-platonic thoughts and teased him, “Oh, come on, you wouldn’t pass up on talking to me. You adore me too much.” 

Damn right, he does. Luke could feel his cheeks heat up again.

“Fine. What are you here for, firecracker?”

“I got another gift,” you informed, presenting the bracelet in your hand. 

For the past month, you have been receiving small letters and gifts. This time it was a handmade bracelet with beads of your favorite colors, as well as charms that represented some of your hobbies and favorite things. It was clear that your anonymous admirer had put a lot of thought into such a small item. However, as always, there were no identities attached to it, leaving you clueless about the person behind these gestures.

Luke took your hand in his, eying the accessory that perfectly fitted your wrist. He started toying with the beads around your wrist that were shining in your favorite color.

The boy’s gaze flicked from the object to you, catching your soft and warm look. Gods, if you kept looking at him like that, he might just actually stop thinking logically. He could practically feel a confession lingering behind his lips, threatening to spew the second his ropes of restraint died.

“Anyway, I came here with an idea,” you broke the silence. “What if I try to find out who this person is? I mean, some of these gifts are quite specific. They seem to know my favorite color, flowers, and things I like. Surely, it wouldn’t be that hard to narrow it down and figure it out?”

Something shifted in your best friend’s behavior and you could feel it. There was a slight flustering look on Luke’s face as he avoided eye contact with you. It was rather strange to see the Hermes cabin counselor so fidgety. Luke has always been confident and composed, and you’d often be the one to humble down his playful cocky remarks. Half-way through looking at his behavior, you began speaking:

“You…”

Luke could feel the blood draining from his face at your facial expression, his face paling despite how flushed he was seconds ago from demonstrating sword fighting. The boy tried to regain his composure, though his attempt at seeming nonchalant failed as you touched his arm. Did you—

“You can be my inside man, talk to these guys to see if they’d slip up or something like that.” 

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” Luke hastily replied, clearing his throat.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did that come across as a suggestion? I hate to break it to you but being best friends means you sorta have to participate in my schemes,” your lips curled as Luke grunted at your words. 

“Yeah, but—”

“Luke, please…it’ll be fun,” he almost scoffed at your words and unconvincing argument. Clearly, the two of you had different definitions of fun. Just as he opened his mouth to reject your idea again, his eyes caught yours. You were looking at him in such an eager and heart-warming gaze that it made him forget what he was intending to say.

Ah, there was no denying anymore. Being rational and able to function properly has truly stopped being his forte.

“Fine,” Luke uttered, the word pricking his tongue as regret started kicking in as he accepted being your accomplice. This decision could only come back to bite him in the ass. He watched as you quickly celebrated his lack of restraint.

“Ah, you gave in quite quickly,” you jabbed.

“Shut up.”

Oh, you were going to be the death of him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Two days have passed since you got Luke to agree to help you find your secret admirer. Though, the boy must say, the last forty eight hours have been slightly comedic for him, watching you trying to track down your secret admirer…

While the real sender of those gifts was right beside you, nodding along to your every word. 

Luke’s mind trailed to the origin of this “secret admirer” idea. He started it as a way to abate the urge of straight-up blurting out how love-struck he was with his own best friend, while also testing out the waters before finally confessing his feelings for you. 

Though it was slightly amusing how the idea led him to where he was right at that moment. The Hermes cabin counselor zoned out as he pretended to speak to another boy you thought was behind those sweet gifts and letters. 

Luke used to have those feelings under rein, but self-repression only caused it to grow exponentially. Initially, the Hermes cabin counselor dismissed those beyond friendly thoughts, thinking they would eventually fizzle away. However, against his predictions, this fondness towards you became a sort of companion to him for three long years. 

Not only that, years of excessively burying these feelings six feet underground also came back to bite him in the ass because instead of having his feelings under control, they now have the upper hand. 

Sometimes he felt like a puppet, while his feelings plucked the strings. His facial expressions were forever cursed to be sculpted in raw yearning whenever around you, having no choice over how he reacts to everything related to you.

But it didn’t matter, because he was going to finally confess soon.

Luke almost burst out laughing at the way you were standing in anticipation, waiting for his intel on the most recent candidate. It was entertaining, to say the least, pretending to engage in investigative conversation before heading back to you, shaking his head in feigned disappointment. 

However, it didn’t take long before the Hermes cabin counselor started feeling sour.

Just as he made it back to your side, he watched as you started talking again, already discussing the next guy you thought might have done these things that Luke himself came up with. He eyed your in sync footsteps with a heavy heart. Despite the matching movement, he somehow still felt eternally behind. Luke was so close, yet so far away, and never quite able to grasp onto your ever moving attention. 

Did you not consider him as an option at all? Did you truly not see him as anything other than a good friend? It started stinging him knowing you were considering all these other guys as potential candidates — the faces that now haunt him in his sleep, poisoning his mind with an acidic jealousy that was eating away his common senses and fueling immoral thoughts. 

Soon enough, that same jealousy seared his mind with this overwhelming self-doubt. Luke’s foot started feeling cold at the thought of confessing. Gods, he never thought the same security behind anonymity would now make him feel desperate to be seen by you. 

“Maybe I should give up,” you concluded, mindlessly staring ahead. Your attention elsewhere gave Clarisse and Chris an opportunity to send each other knowing looks. The two have been watching you run around in circles on a goose hunt, not knowing to look right behind at the sulking figure that was trailing after you. 

Your distracted state also meant you didn’t notice the moping human situated beside you. However, hearing your declaration of ending your chase, Luke saw a window of opportunity. Maybe now was finally the time to be truthful. After all, if he doesn’t tell you, then how will you know and see him? Luke’s momentary motivation carried him through waves of dejection.

“Y/N, I need to tell you something,” Luke blurted out without much more thought or preparation, and his tone made you fully turn to him. Just as words finally formed and the boy opened his mouth to tell you—

“Hey Y/N, can I talk to you privately?” Somebody interrupted. Your eyes didn’t leave Luke immediately, but when you saw your best friend’s momentum had faltered, you turned to the stranger. It was another Hermes boy, somebody who you’ve seen around. You politely agreed and left with him. 

“So, I heard you’ve been looking for the person who’s been giving you anonymous gifts. And well, it’s your lucky day, 'cause…” the boy stared you up and down while you subconsciously took a small step back when he leaned forward. “...I’ve decided to come forward and reveal myself.”

“Okay…well, prove it” you squinted. Though your skepticism didn’t make the Hermes boy in front of you falter. Clearly, he expected this.

“The first thing you were given was a note, and…the two most recent gifts were a cassette tape and a bracelet — which was made from beads of your favorite color and charms like…” you zoned out as the boy started listing out some of your favorite activities that were indeed the charms on your bracelet. You fiddled with the bracelet that you had purposefully hidden out of his view right behind your back.

There was a pinch in your heart that signaled the last bit of hope dying. 

Oh…so Luke really wasn’t your secret admirer.

You internally scoffed at yourself. You should have known right after he said yes to helping you out with finding your secret admirer — which was originally an idea used as bait to determine if Luke was the sender or not, because if it was really him then he wouldn’t have agreed to help you out with this. However, not only did your best friend agree without much convincing from you, but he had seemed so nonchalant and unaffected as you named all these boys you wanted him to talk to. 

Perhaps this secret admirer thing was something good. Somebody has shown interest and their actions have been nothing but sweet. Those letters contained words that were eternally bound to your memories, even altering the way you view yourself for the better. Maybe you could get to know this person and move on from hopelessly crushing on your best friend.  

Halfway through, you realize you were so engulfed in your thoughts that you have zoned out to half of the things the Hermes boy was saying, and merely caught onto the last bit of his speech:

“...thinking maybe we could go on a date and get to know each other more tonight?”

Your stomach churned again, yet you nodded your head.

Move on. Move on. Move on. Move on. 

Your friends gave you questioning looks when you got back to where they were, clearly curious about what you were pulled away for.

“So…that was my secret admirer, and I’m going on a date with him tonight,” you hoped you sounded more enthusiastic than you were feeling. You tried convincing yourself at least it was good knowing definitely how your best friend actually felt about you. Quickly sitting down, you kept your eyes on Clarisse, knowing if you even looked over at Luke, he’d be able to tell straight away that something was wrong.

Your lack of focus also meant you didn’t think much of the quiet murmur from your best friend: “Sorry, I just remember I need to do something.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time. It was now the afternoon and you just finished getting ready for your date. As you were leaving, you spotted a note at the foot of your cabin. Seeing your name written on the paper, you picked it up while eying it peculiarly.

“You could be the one that I love, 

I could be the one that you dream of,

Message in a bottle is all I can do, 

Standing here hoping it gets to you.”

Your gut feeling stirred, hitting you with waves of higher certainty over suspicions you have previously had and denied.

Those lyrics were directly associated with a memory from summer two years ago. 

Luke and you were sitting by the campfire when he asked what your favorite song was. You told him the name and mentioned you hadn’t listened to it in a while because using technology devices with signals were dangerous for Demigods. The conversation slipped your mind but clearly loitered in your best friend’s mind, because two months later while on your way back to camp from your quest together, he gifted you a tape player along with a cassette of said song along with others that you liked.

You blinked away the image of you leaning on Luke’s shoulder while the two of you listened to the song together on the train back to camp.

You re-read the note again while shaking your head. Perhaps it was a coincidence. Perhaps, that Hermes boy knew the song and it was also one of his favorites. Perhaps—

Your hand started trembling around the paper. Your eyes landed on one small detail in the note: a particular handwriting choice. The rest of it matched with previous notes, but there was one singular scribbling feature you’ve never seen used before. 

Everything came crashing down and your internal eternal cycle of excuses and denial shattered.

You ran. It didn’t matter that it was raining and your attire was getting soaked. It didn’t matter at all because you were frustrated and confused. In other instances, you would have been elated at the possibility of mutual affection, but in that moment, exasperation blinded you from sensibility. 

If what you have concluded was true, then why on Earth would he allow you to go on a date with a person who stole credit for things they didn’t do? This whole time, he made you feel like a fool — for waiting that long and having hope after all that time; for asking the person you were looking for to hunt them down with you; for sulking despite having what you thought was a good opportunity to come along; for borderline going on a date with an imposter; and for not seeing it all along that it was him. 

“It’s you, isn’t it?” you called out.

Despite the rain, you could see your best friend’s figure stiffened before turning around to face you. The boy stood with his hands behind his back, not yet daring to look at you. 

“The “th”. You connected the cross in the ‘t’ directly to the ‘h’,” you presented the note in your hand, pointing specifically at the slip up that Luke had made in the latest note, not caring of the raindrops that were hitting the paper. “It’s how I write it, and you started writing it the same way a year after we got to know each other because you liked the way it looked,” you pressed further.

The expression on Luke’s face painted your theory into the truth of the situation. You felt your hand slightly shaking at the revelation.

“Why? You left anonymous gifts and notes and watched me put on this hunt — which by the way, was for you. And didn’t even say anything when a guy lied and said he was my secret admirer? Is this one big cruel prank?”

“No—”

“Oh! Well then, surely at one point in this whole thing, you felt like you should just tell me?” 

“I was going to.”

“Then where were you when I was just about to head out with that fraud? Maybe if you really liked me and really cared for me, like all those damn notes say, you would have fought for m—”

“I did,” Luke finally raised his voice, his face briefly hardened in an attempt to convey his desperation. His chest heaved, and the way it did almost made you think the anger radiating off every inch of his skin right then was directed towards you. But it wasn’t, and he knew you knew. 

“I confronted him right after he claimed that he was the one who gave you all those things.” 

Invisible ivies rooted your foot to the ground. You gulped, trying to digest the information you were given. However, it finally sunk in when Luke’s hands appeared from behind his back. It was then that you could see the bandage wrapped around his knuckles. Your breath hiccuped in both flattery and worry at the implication of what he had done. The darkness behind those deep hazel-brown orbs reflected a certain side of your best friend that you hadn’t seen before. Although, part of you felt like you wouldn’t mind it.

It made Luke’s blood boil knowing what he dedicated to you from the bottom of his heart was spoiled by ill intentions. Luke should have known better than to carelessly write all the letters and craft those gifts right on his bunk bed, rather than discreetly. 

Once again, the Hermes cabin counselor was pulled back to memories from an hour ago. The way the other boy shot remarks at Luke’s lack of precautions, boasting his wrong-doings like someone incapable of having a guilty conscience. Luke's jaw tightened as the image of the sly smirk on the other Hermes boy's face flashed in his mind, but a wave of satisfaction ran through him as he recalled how quickly that smirk was wiped away by his own fist.

They might be brothers by a fraction, but blood or not, that boy was dead to Luke the second he tried tricking you.

“And no, I wouldn’t have let you go out with a fraudster. Never,” Luke’s eyes softened. “And in case it’s not implied enough: I like you…a lot. I was going to confess but then this guy came along lying,” Luke could feel that tremor returning once more to his fist. He hated that something he built, from scratch, on the foundation of sincerity was momentarily tainted by the hands of a spineless liar. Not only that, he hated witnessing somebody so dear to him getting deceived in such a tasteless manner.

“I also…didn’t want to get hurt. It was starting to seem like you would ever consider me as more than just a friend with the way you were listing out all these other guys. So for a bit there I was considering just keeping quiet…forever” he confessed, eyes now straying away from you and down to his shoes.

You observed your best friend through a new perspective. So your initial suspicions were true. You had thought it was him because all the things you have received hinted to somebody who knew you so well, and who else at camp but Luke knew this many things about you. But ultimately, another part of you — the proclaimed “logical” side — has hyper-analyzed every split second you two have shared and deemed that Luke has not given any true signs of interest in you beyond as a friend. Thus, you dismissed the thought of Luke being your secret admirer.

You know now to trust your gut feelings more.

“Oh, Luke Castellan, you dumb ass…” you spoke softly underneath your breath, but you knew he heard you perfectly clearly from the way he slightly peered up. Your heart almost shattered at the dejected look on your best friend’s face and the thought of him burying his feelings eternally. You sure as hell would not allow that to be this timeline.

“I’ve liked you ever since the day you went out of your way and gave me that first cassette tape,” the marveled look on Luke’s face over your confession made you continue, “I guess I should have known it was you…cause gift giving has always been your love language.” It seemed like the boy was too stunned and struck frozen. However, his shell-shock state didn’t last long, because soon, your best friend’s gaze reverted back to the way he has always looked at you, only slightly more intense.

Your eyes fluttered at the sight of Luke Castellan in front of you at that moment. You were finally able to see the effect you’ve always had on him. The way his lips hung slightly agape, eyes dilated in such a way you were no longer able to see their usual color anymore, chest slightly heaving despite lack of physical reasons for such a reaction. You almost wanted to hit yourself for being such a fool and not spotting these details sooner. 

“Now, Castellan…you have two options,” you stepped closer to him, leaving an appropriate amount of personal space in between. “You either kiss me or—”

Luke grabbed your wrist with his uninjured hand and pulled you in. The same hand-guided your arms around his neck while also effectively eliminating the remaining distance between you two. 

Without hesitation, he kissed you.

Likewise, you returned the action without a second thought. You frankly didn’t care about the rain that was soaking the both of you. Kissing Luke felt like such a natural act that it felt simply like diving home. The way he held you made you feel like you were a national treasure he was so afraid of losing. Gods, you don’t think you mind doing this ever so often.

Though, there was a certain urgency in the way Luke kissed you, as if afraid you’d either vanish or you’d change your mind. You pressed your lips harder against his, hoping he’d understand you didn’t intend on leaving or having a change of heart.

A grunt escaped his throat as you kissed him harder. Oh, Luke Castellan already knew he was in immense trouble. He knew almost immediately that the concerning number of thoughts he had about you each day would only increase tenfold from this day on. He wondered if you could taste all of his unspoken words. If kissing you felt like this, he might as well sign away his heart, body, and mind to you. In fact, he’d sign anything you put in front of him without even considering the fine prints. 

Luke slowly backed you against a tree, giving you a bit of support to lean against whilst shielding the both of you from the heavy rain. He smiled into the kiss as you hummed at his action, feeling it echo against his lips. His heart tugged, almost leaping out of his chest when your hands made their way to both sides of his face, cupping it intently like holding something yours. Yours. Fuck, he loved the sound of that. 

You were the first to break the kiss. The both of you gasped for air while maintaining eye contact. The close-up view of his intense gaze drove your cheeks rosy. You could not help but admire the way his locks of wet curly hair clung onto his forehead, while raindrops fell from his face, some following the length of his eyelashes before falling — Oh, the way he glanced down at your lips at that second made you feel almost like you had the power to convince him into anything at the moment. 

“You’re my best friend…” he broke the silence.

“Mhm.”

“...but what if I want you to be more than that?”

“I can be both,” Luke’s lips broke out into a smile, and you mirrored his facial expression. He leaned his forehead against yours whilst softly rubbing his thumb soothingly against your waist.

“I’m not against that.” 

As a larger grin broke out on your lips, Luke’s eyes further softened. He realized right there and then that anything you wanted, he would not be against it. A breath of relief quietly escaped beneath Luke’s breath. He could not wait for whatever was in store for the both of you in the future.

Good thing his messages in a bottle did get to you.

-------------------------

masterlist

join my Luke Castellan taglist (or to remove yourself from)

[kitcatia]

I really love how much consensus there is around these parts about Emma-may as a Character. Every version of her is technically an original character, and all we have to base ourselves on are context clues and one singular drawing of a picture of her in journal three (and we don't even see her eyes in that picture because of how ford/the irl artist shaded it). And yet I see so many people trying their own hand in drawing her and all her versions kind of share the same DNA and vibes.

Most people hc her being from the South too, from the same side of the countryside as Fiddleford, and some even have them being childhood friends. Some have her going to BMU with Fidd but others don't, but they always make her pretty smart regardless. I read a fic where she was a chemist, another where she was a botanist, and saw an artist in bluesky that made her a nurse. Im gonna say, i really cant pick a favorite headcanon, i love them all too much, but i'm incredibly fond of the general notion of emma may being wickedly smart, just like her husband. Specially because i also happen to ship fiddauthor so i like to imagine she'd have some traits in common with ford for obvious reasons (fidds has a type and that type is curly haired and smarter than him). but she's so much more put together than ford LMAO.

Some make her more fem and other make her more masc but she always has curly hair and basically always covers her eyes with bangs just like Tate does (which, sidenote, it's such an inspired design choice that I always love).

Of course, the divergence is more palpable when it comes to writing her into the story and seeing how the characters interact with her, but her general personality is also remarkably consistent? She's practical and honest and doesn't accept being treated badly for too long. She's a lovely and doting mother to tate most of the time as well, even though he chose to leave California and go live in Gravity Falls (we should talk more about this btw)

emma may is just... it's so silly for me to be so attached to such a non-character but we made her into a character! Into a kaleidoscope of characters! She's a footnote in the story of gravity falls that we chose to give importance to. Please let's continue choosing to give importance to her.

(i could also like. add a gigantic footnote about her family's relation to ciphertology but @pixeltwix already wrote about it here and here)

[mygnolia]

INCEPTIO DE AMORE : ENHYPEN MINISERIES

୨୧ -› the beginning of love: a wonderful thing, truly, to catch such fleeting, powerful, intoxicating feelings. hey, what type of magic did you cast that makes my heart only burn for you?

pair -› enhypen x reader | genre -› highschool crushes!

REN SAYS... inceptio concept tew good

orange creamsicle !

in which your school newspaper needs to be printed, someone's broken the same reliable printer you've been using all school year. who, if not to blame, than master procrastinator park sunghoon? [idiots/enemies to lovers]

'you're going to break the copier, sunghoon!' - coming soon!

be my slime !

your mom invites jake over to help take care of your cousins- and somehow ends up with hearts on his face and washing glue and borax out of your hair in the sink. [neighbors to lovers]

'i'm trying my best to get it out, okay?' - coming soon!

zoo animals !

during volunteer service you’re tasked to decorate a kindergarten room with animal stickers and trees, so how did they get on sunoo’s face? [friends/classmates to lovers]

'wait, let me add some too!' - coming soon!

word love search !

jay decides to be cryptic this valentine’s day, and promises he’ll reveal his plans, just over a couple hundred letters and lots of circling. [situationship/friends to lovers]

'so much work for you to ask me on a date!' - coming soon!

passing notes !

your new seatmate needs a bit of help, but the room is just so quiet- how else is heeseung supposed to answer question 7 and confess his feelings if not through doodles and paper from his notebook? [classmates to lovers]

'pst...help? please?' - coming soon!

card tricks !

pick a card, any card! and when you’re able to see how he pulls the red card from your hair, you snatch it, and not just the five of hearts was taken- his was too. [strangers/classmates to lovers]

'how did you even do that?' - coming soon!

stop snooping !

jungwon realizes you've forgotten your notebook at his house, and in desperate need of math answers, he thumbs through. what he doesn’t expect his hearts, his name, and your initials in the footnotes as well. [friends to lovers]

'hey, you weren't supposed to see that!' - coming soon!

send an ask to be on my perm taglist or this fic taglist specifically!

this will be updated when i have no writing juice :(( i am sorrey if ygs are looking forward to it i have too many wips rn

[youmarin]

If I Die Tomorrow I'll Love You Today | Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

Pairings: Megumi Fushiguro x reader (platonic/romantic. the love interest <3), Gojo Satoru x reader (platonic), Tsumiki Fushiguro x reader (platonic), Itadori Yūji x reader (platonic), Kugisaki Nobara x reader (platonic). Lots of friendship and Gojo being a dad of 1, 2, 3…

Tags: angst, would this be considered a whump fic?, fluffy and wholesome, slowburn (?) (she fell first, he fell harder hehe), friends to lovers/childhood friends to lovers.

Summary: You inherit an ability that most people don’t, which turns your life upside down. At your lowest, a very special person lifts you up and gives you a second chance. You meet more people like you and enter their world, you fall in love and you’re willing to die to protect those who stood by your side.

Word count: 21,161 oops! (+ like +1.5k of footnotes with further details/commentary. I know. I should shut tf up.)

See the end for A/N.

masterlist

Your grandmother was the first person to notice it. That there were dangerous things lurking unseen to many. And that you could see them too. It was equally reassuring as it was scary to hear that in fact, the creatures you saw at school, that one time at the hospital when you nearly broke your arm, or even clinging to a person on the street, were real and not something your brain had made up. But you always felt safe with your grandmother. She seemed able to tell how to keep you out of harm's way. 

You felt very lonely in the world when she died. Felt that the darkness was now unavoidable. And you couldn’t shake the feeling off that maybe her death was related to it. 

Her house. You found yourself still drawn to it. It wasn’t far from your own home so when your parents couldn’t find you anywhere else, they would know that’s where you had strayed to, sitting there quietly for hours. At first they’d pinned it to grief, that you missed your grandmother, which was also true. You’d been closer to her. But your behaviour started to worry them. Always fidgety and anxious, easily scared and startled, seemingly spaced out in your own world. That worry turned to frustration, which turned to annoyance, and finally, disappointment. Then one day, they decided they had enough of it.

“Mommy?” You called out for her once you stepped through your front door, sliding your shoes off and putting them to the side. It was late, school having been over a while ago. “Daddy?” You winced, taking a step back when a stranger man emerged from the living room instead. Eyeing behind him, you saw your parents standing up from the couch next to each other. Their eyes were stern.  

You knew they didn’t understand you. They didn’t understand your grandma either. She’d told you not to mention anything to them. But even though you didn’t, they still figured out something was different with you too. It was okay if they didn’t understand. The part that hurt and that you didn’t understand was them pushing you away.

There was one thing your grandmother once told you that struck you, the thing that kept you going on during the first weeks of your confinement. Still, after losing count of how many months you’d been in the facility, it was hard. You were tired, your little body stiff and mind exhausted after another session of therapy in which you did your best to play along but ended up breaking down and trying to run away again seeking out, out, out.

Maybe you were never getting out. Maybe you really needed fixing. 

_____

You woke up, hearing the commotion coming from the hallway. Then the place grew eerily quiet again, just like always. You didn’t bother to move from your position, lying on the small cot of the room, your knees pressed to your chest. Not even when your door opened suddenly with force did you stir, just lifted your weary gaze towards it. 

The people you saw clearly didn’t work here. What they were doing in your room was beyond you. Had they given up on you here too? Would they take you somewhere else now? 

Another figure appeared in the room, so fast you were barely able to see it. The others weren’t even able to touch him. Soon enough, the other people were beaten up on the floor, the later arrival barely breaking a sweat. He dusted off his hands and turned to you. 

“Seems like I got here just in time.”  with the dull lighting in your room for the night, you could make out a smile shining on his face. His hair was all white, and it seemed so bright even in the dim space. As if things weren’t strange enough, his eyes were covered too. “Sorry about that.” 

Your lack of reactions were no good. It made him wonder if he really had gotten his timing right at all. Even though you were staring at him, your eyes seemed lost. It actually felt like you were staring past him. 

What was he doing? 

He already had enough being the guardian of the Fushiguro kids. 

“You’re a special little girl, aren’t you?”  When he uncovered his eyes, you saw they were a striking blue. They were beautiful yet somewhat intimidating. “You see things most people don’t.” 

After months of hearing the opposite and trying to get you to believe that in fact, those things weren’t real, it felt bizarre to hear it from him. Was it a test? Would they punish you if you fell for it? 

Your eyes caught movement behind him, the woman on the floor stirring. She released one of those strange creatures to attack him and you couldn’t help the scared feeling that flooded you. 

But in swift movements, he’d gotten rid of it and knocked out the woman again. 

He smiled a little wider when he saw you’d finally moved to sit, your body stiff. Though you looked a little shaken, “You saw it, didn’t you?” 

You nodded, hesitantly. 

“I see them too. And there’s more people like us. Like those two weaklings on the floor, but they’re bad.” 

“Are you real?” your innocent, unsure tone made him chuckle a bit. 

“Of course I am real. Here.” He extended a hand for you to touch. You looked at it, standing up and tentatively reaching for it. In fact, he was very real. You closed your fingers between his as if for final confirmation and you looked up to meet his eyes. “Now, let’s get out of here. What do you say?” 

One day you might find a person with whom you won’t have to hide this side of you. They might be just like you. You, my little girl, were that person for me. 

Her words resonated in your head again, and overwhelmed, you felt your eyes sting with pooling tears, letting go of the young man’s hand and throwing yourself towards him in a hug, little arms wrapped tightly around his middle.

“Woah, okay.” It caught him a little off guard but a chuckle fell from between his lips and he patted your head softly. 

He couldn’t get you to let go of him, so he’d settled on carrying you on the way out until they reached the car. 

______

“Megumi-chan!”  Megumi looked up, silently indicating that he was paying attention to his guardian. “I have someone I want you to meet.” When Gojo looked down, he followed his gaze to finally notice the little girl he was pointing at, hiding behind his legs out of shyness. “This is y/n-chan.”

Your eyes locked with the deep dark blue ones of the little boy Gojo had called Megumi, and you tilted your head curiously. 

His hair was weird. 

One of your hands let go of the fabric of Gojo’s pants and went up to your head, where your own hair was styled in two ponytails, one sitting slightly lower than the other. 

You looked up to Gojo when he spoke again, putting a hand gently on your back to get you out of your hiding place, “Go on, you can bother him all you want. He won’t mind.” 

Who’s he to tell if something bothers me or not?, Megumi thought, watching the interaction. 

“But I don’t want to bother him.” was your sweet answer. 

That made the young man laugh. “Of course you don’t. But just know you can. If he bothers you then you tell me.” 

Megumi glared at him. How was that fair? 

“You don’t have to hide. Ever. I’m just kidding. He’s a good kid just like you.” 

With a last gentle push, Gojo let you two alone in the Jujutsu High garden, after telling Megumi that he’ll come fetch him later for a little training session. 

You walk over to where he’s sitting on a blanket under the shadow of a tree, taking a seat too, just not too close. Then you take your new little backpack off your shoulders and rest it on your lap. Your fingers tighten a little around the bag. This is the first time you meet someone your age that can see curses, like Gojo told you they were called. And you could be friends.

“What?” His voice has a rough edge to it. You’re not quite expecting him to talk so you jump in your seat a little. Embarrassed by having kept staring at him, you looked down. He probably found it rude. 

He returns to what he is doing in his notebook and after a while you open your bag and reveal your also new coloring book and crayons, both settling to quietly work away. 

After a while, Megumi risks a glance at you again. He thinks your ponytails look a little funny. And upon further inspection he notices you’re wearing boy's clothes that look all too familiar. The way you were looking at him earlier with bright, big curious eyes is gone and you look sad now. When he looks down at the page you’re coloring, he sees it’s the picture of a dog. He wonders what made you pick the color red for it. Megumi thinks you’re about to cry when the crayon slips from your grip a little and you end up  accidentally coloring out of the lines.

You hear him mutter something and see he’s frowning. You’re really about to cry now because you think he’s annoyed that you’re there when suddenly there’s a big ball of white fur in front of you (it’s really not that big yet, just bigger than you). You gasp in surprise and delight. 

You look at Megumi again now, and he reaches to pet the dog. You take his gesture as an okay and smile at him. His little face feels warm but you’re too happily entertained with Shiro to notice it. 

After that, you play with Shiro for a while before Megumi releases it, you share your coloring book and the snacks Gojo put on your backpack. When Gojo comes back to pick both of you up, he finds you both had fallen asleep. You’re facing each other, one your tiny hands had somehow tangled in Megumi’s unruly hair and the other under one of his.

Soon enough, you were starting training too. 

Megumi watched sitting close by when Gojo told him it was break time. He’d called you over. 

Gojo explained to you several different moves you could make with the aid of a dummy and you watched attentively, trying to copy them as accurately as you could. 

“Hit it as hard as you can.” 

He watched you grow tired after some time, small face flush and sweaty. 

The young man grinned.

“Okay, why don’t you try to land a hit on me before we wrap it up?” 

“You can’t do it. He’s lying.” Megumi frowned, guessing the man’s intentions.  

He’d already fallen for it. 

“Oh c’mon, you’re no fun, Megumi.” Yet, his argument had been vague. You wouldn’t get what the little boy meant, “And why are you telling her what she can and can’t do?” 

“That’s not what I mean.” His frown grew deeper while he shook his head vigorously. 

“C’mon y/n.” He encouraged, seeing you hesitantly looking between Megumi and him.

“But I don’t want to hurt you.” You said, settling to looking down at your fidgety fingers. You looked really upset about it.

Gojo’s eyes widened behind his glasses and he stalled for a moment, your words warming his heart but playing it down by clearing his throat. “It’s alright, darling. You won’t hurt me.” He meant it. He risked a glance at the now pretty beaten up dummy you’d been practicing with. You were a little violent though, he worried. Then he caught himself. You really couldn’t hurt him.

“Really?” 

“Really.” He said reassuringly. “Now give me your best shot.” 

“Okay.” you said, still a little hesitant but going for it. 

And Megumi couldn’t help but watch as another person fell victim to Gojo’s little amusement. The man did feel a tiny bit bad, but it was too fun to resist it. 

You totally crashed and fell back on your bum. You didn’t crash with Gojo though. It felt like hitting a very clean glass door. 

You brought a hand up to your forehead, looking so dumbfounded while Gojo stood there laughing until he was in tears. 

“I tried to warn you.” Megumi walked over, extending his hand to touch the invisible barrier you’d hit. “It’s his technique. You can’t touch him unless he turns it off and lets you.” 

Your little self felt very betrayed, and both Gojo and Megumi picked up on it. “That was mean!” You said, standing up to try again only for your little fist to hit nothing. 

“I’m sorry!” Gojo managed between laughs.

“No you’re not!” Now Megumi joined forces with you. But it was no use, neither of you would land a hit.

You stopped, huffing and puffing, and that’s when Gojo took his chance to swiftly pick you up, “Gotcha!” making you squeal and giggle as he tickled you. Before Megumi could get away, he was being picked up too, squirming to get down but failing, instead landing on the man’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. When he stopped resisting, he shifted to look at you, cheering as Gojo offered to get you ice cream as an apology. 

Your cursed technique then started to manifest itself. The most evident thing was that now when you looked at everyone, all your eyes would focus on was in this weird light flowing all over their bodies, twinkling brighter varying the person or how they seemed to feel. When you stared at Gojo, for example, it was almost blinding. 

And you felt exhausted. You wanted to say something about it but you couldn’t find the way to explain yourself. 

You were heading over to see Megumi and Tsumiki. Apparently, Megumi was sick. Nothing serious, just a common cold. 

“You okay over there?” Gojo asked, looking at you from the rear view mirror, you sitting on the back. He’d noticed your squinting for a while now. You avoided looking at him, choosing to look out the window as you nodded. “Is the sun bothering you? Here.” He handed you a strip of dark cloth, like the ones he used to tie over his eyes. He would give you his glasses but they were too big for you. He noted to buy you some. He chuckled as you put it over your eyes. “You look just like me now.” 

That made you laugh too. “I can’t see anything now.” But it brought you comfort, giving your straining eyes some rest. 

When you pulled over to a stop outside the apartment building, you forgot for a moment all about your own and got out of the car excited to see both of the Fushiguro kids. 

You hugged Tsumiki first before heading over towards Megumi. He’d been sleeping in his room until recently. You practically jumped over him. 

“I missed you!” you hugged him. “Are you okay?” 

Overall, he was. It only sounded like it wasn’t every time he coughed and Gojo worried his lungs would come out. He’d had a fever but it was better now, so he made Megumi take a nasty cough syrup after having dinner, considering that going to the hospital wasn’t necessary. 

“Get away from Megumi, y/n. You might get his germs.” Gojo joked. 

“Ew!” You giggled, watching Megumi’s sour face, the medicine taste in his mouth. Then you had an idea. “Oh, I know how you’d get better sooner, Megumi!” Your eyes shined. Forgetting all about the gross stuff Gojo said, you leaned over with your hands on his shoulders and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Now!” 

Megumi’s little round cheeks colored. “Um, thank you.” 

 He stared at you and also noticed your sort of unfocused stare. You were looking at him but at the same time it seemed like you weren’t. “Are you okay?” 

“Mhmm!” You nodded, still sitting on your knees in front of him on the bed. 

You settled in a comfortable silence. Megumi stared at you with tired eyes, as your own tired ones fixated on whatever you’d been staring at for a while. “You’re shining, Megumi.” you revealed, words a little slurred with what he figured was sleep. He chuckled at your odd comment.

When you place a hand over his arm, following the flow of light you saw, he feels something strange. It’s associated with you, it feels like you. For a moment he swears he sees something shining white from where your skin touches and thinks he might be getting a fever back and he’s hallucinating. But in a blink, it’s gone and he discarded calling for Gojo. 

Satoru doesn’t know when he dozed off on the couch. But it’s still too early in the morning when he’s startled awake by Megumi calling for him, his voice alarmed.

You had picked up Megumi’s cold. Since you were already exhausted it had gotten worse. You were shivering, hair sticking to your burning forehead with sweat and your cheeks red with a fever too high. Megumi’s terrified by your side, and Gojo’s not doing much better. When he gathers his bearings enough, he picks you up, your small body slumping against his and he’s rushing out of the room. There’s no time to argue with the other two for them to stay behind so they all get in the car and rush to the hospital. 

“She got sick because of me.” Megumi mumbles to him, eyes downcast. They’re sitting on the chairs outside your hospital room. Tsumiki’s sitting by his other side, fast asleep with her body leaning against his after he got her to calm down. 

“Don’t say it like it���s your fault. You couldn’t possibly know she’ll get like this.”

Maybe that kiss was a little too effective, Megumi thinks. He’s feeling much better now. But he’d rather you not giving it to him if it’d made you sick. “I think she has been feeling bad since last night.” 

“What makes you think so?” Gojo asks him. 

“She said something weird. That I was shining. And she sounded tired.” 

“Shining?” 

When the doctors got your fever under control and later in the day you woke up, they were all in your room. You’re a little scared until you see them come in. 

Gojo stares at you while you talk with the kids, studying you closer. He still sees you squinting from time to time, especially when you turn to look at him.

“Is there something you’re not telling me, little miss?” He finally speaks up. There’s a worried look on your face and you open your mouth, then close it. You shake your head. “Are you sure?” 

“I-I don’t know.” You settle with.

“You don’t know?” He quirks a brow. 

Tentatively, you reach for him, he’s sitting by your bedside. You blink a couple times, trying to get used to the “light”, your little finger tracing up his arm. “It’s too bright.” 

It clicks now. Gojo beats himself for not noticing it sooner. You’d been struggling with your technique this whole time. He sighs, expression softening.

“It’s okay. We’ll handle it.” He moves to sit beside you on the bed, then places his hands over your eyes. 

“What are you doing?”  Megumi asks, eyeing the man strangely. You chuckle, also wondering what Satoru’s doing. 

“Doesn’t it feel better?” 

You nod. 

“It was my bad, okay?” Gojo says, looking at Megumi. 

__________

School had been hard to adjust to, being at a new place and a little behind the others, adding all the new things you knew now. But it was okay. Just. Lonely. You didn’t call attention on yourself and spent most of your free time alone. You wondered how Megumi did in school. You only saw him on weekends when Gojo brought him to Jujutsu High for training or on other occasions when Gojo dropped at his place with you tagging along to check up on him and his sister. 

“Say, Megumi-chan,” Gojo started one evening while he finished folding his laundry. He wasn’t expecting the man to drop by today. “What would you say if y/n-chan started middle school in the same school as you guys the upcoming year?” At the mention of your name, Megumi perked up. Gojo knew he got along well with you and thought both you and the boy would do each other good company. 

He shrugged, seemingly uninterested, but it wasn’t an unpleasant idea. Quite the opposite. “I don’t mind. But you should ask her first.” 

“You think I wouldn’t ask her first?” 

He really has to ask when he does whatever he wants all the time?

Megumi raised a brow at him but Gojo continued as if he hadn’t said anything in the first place. 

“Great! So it’s settled. I’ll tell her to come.” 

“Tell her to…?-” The words died in his mouth as he followed Gojo into the hall and he opened the front door. 

Next thing he knew, you were crashing into him in a tight hug almost throwing you both onto the floor, saying his name in a cheery voice. Throughout the years, you’d grown more comfortable around those closer to you, which included him of course, a side only a few privileged could see. Megumi couldn’t deny that some of Gojo’s exuberant ways (to put it lightly) had rubbed off on you, thankfully not on the same level. He liked this side of you, even though he pretended not to as he pushed you off him (putting nearly no resistance, really) while he chuckled. More open and cheerful, probably more close to how you were supposed to be if what happened to you in the past before he met you hadn’t taken place at all. He still didn’t know much about it. You never mentioned it and he never asked. He thought about asking Gojo someday. 

Right now, he stares at your eyes shining with joy as you stare back at his deep blue ones and lets himself give you a soft smile. He hopes it doesn’t show on his face how warm his cheeks feel.

Life seemed more exciting then. Although you had Gojo around every other day when he wasn’t working, apart from him you were mostly on your own. Now you’d moved in with Megumi and Tsumiki and would go to school together. 

You’d see another side of Megumi you’d been wondering about for a while, how he was in the school environment. It wasn’t much different. You knew he was responsible with his assignments and lessons. When you visited him before, he’d be finishing doing them or reviewing, or he’d completely done them already. Very much like you in that matter; you tended to do schoolwork during free periods or lunch period so you didn’t have to bring it back home with you. You also expected him more to be on his own most of the time, and you weren’t wrong either. And even though you knew it would be like that, you didn’t think it would put a damper on the dynamic of your friendship. 

Somehow, you came up with the idea that he wouldn’t like to be seen around with you.  

And Megumi didn’t understand it. You seemed so excited to be attending school with him, but once you reached the school gates in the morning you’d go your own way and barely see each other for the rest of the day. That was, of course, until he’d end up in the principal’s office after beating up a guy for bothering another third guy that ended out of the skirmish after muttering a shuddering ‘thank you’ and scurrying away. You’ll head out of your classroom and meet with Tsumiki to see if he was okay. 

What surprised you the most was that. The fights. Somehow you’d never witnessed one. It’s not like you wanted to (maybe him neither and had been doing a great job at keeping you from doing so).

He’d managed to put in line every bully of the school or well, mostly all of them. Apparently, some were dumb enough to start picking on you. You seemed like the perfect target. Quiet, reserved, seemed to have a permanent look of worry etched on your face. There was no way you would tell on them. 

It had started subtle enough to not cause immediate worry, but they’d noticed the little details. Like how during dinner you sometimes seemed hungrier than usual. Which wasn’t bad, you were a growing girl after all, and they liked that you ate well. If it wasn’t for the fact that you’d had to skip lunch because some jerk took your money. 

Or when at some point it took you longer to finish with your assignments. Sure, you were middle schoolers and the lessons’ topics grew more complex by year but it usually never took you so long as to keep you closed up in your room for so much time. It was because they made you do their homework. 

At last, Megumi became wary one day when school was done and it was time to go home, but you never came out to meet them at the entrance. You’d skipped afternoon classes and ran home. Just before lunch period, someone had stuck a piece of chewing gum in your hair. When Megumi and Tsumiki got home, they’d froze upon seeing how your once long hair now reached just below your shoulders. Tsumiki had instantly lost it, asking what had made you do that to your beautiful hair but you just brushed her off with a smile that didn’t really reach your eyes. Megumi frowned at the scene.

Suspecting you wouldn’t tell if he asked you directly, he decided to wait a little longer for the cause of your behaviour to reveal itself.

It finally happened one day during free period, when one of your bullies noticed something that piqued their eye. It was a silly keychain Gojo had given you the last time you all went out together the previous weekend. When they asked to have it and you said no, things took a more physical turn.

“Did you say no?” they asked, as if they’d misheard you.

“I won’t give it to you.” You said firmly.

“Is that so? Then I’ll just have to take it.” 

Megumi had just stepped outside of his own classroom to walk over to the vending machines, when he’d spotted the three, two girls and a boy, and you, speaking near his destination. His expression softened without him picking on it. He’d never see you talk to anyone so it was nice to see you make friends. So was he thinking until he noticed how uncomfortable you really looked and he started to hurry over. He was just a tad bit late as they shoved you harshly and you stumbled back to the ground. 

“Give it back!” You’d hurried to stand back up and get your things back from the boy, the one that had pushed you and thrown your bag to the ground, having gotten what he wanted. He shoved you again, you hitting the wall and Megumi swore he was seeing red. 

How long had this been happening? 

When the two girls met Megumi’s death stare they froze in place. He grabbed the boy’s shoulder and spun him around before sending a punch square to his face.

“If you dare to touch her again I will break all of your fingers.” He threw another punch but didn’t connect, the boy moving and managing to land a punch around Megumi’s chin. 

Okay, now you were really angry. 

“Don’t touch him!” As Megumi stumbled slightly, you stood up and stepped in, taking the matter into your own hands (better late than never), throwing yourself at the boy to punch him.

Gojo wasn’t surprised to receive a call from the school every other day to hear about how Megumi had gotten into a fight again, but this time it did when he heard you’d been part of it. 

“Why didn’t you say anything? Hell, why didn’t you do anything sooner!” Back home after the incident, Gojo couldn’t barely get a word in as Megumi kept doing all the reprimanding. The boy would ask you something, but he didn’t even let you talk either.

“I didn’t want to worry anyone!” You managed to cut him off. 

“Do I seem less worried now?!” 

“Megumi, stop shouting!” Tsumiki chimed in. 

He took a deep breath. He really wasn’t one to shout but the whole ordeal had really gotten to his nerves. “I need out.” He parted from the living room and out the front door, closing it with a loud bang. 

You stood in your place on the couch, looking at your hands on your lap. 

“Megumi’s right in something.” Gojo finally was able to speak, “You could’ve said something. Or dealt with it. Megumi would’ve gladly punched the lights out of him for you, but you did it just fine yourself!” He wasn’t happy that such a thing had been happening for such a long time, but he did sound proud about you beating up the boy. “I thought you’d made me a promise.” 

You looked up at him with wide eyes. Gojo was staring right back at you. He was talking about the promise you made the day he took you in. 

“You’ll be safe here and will have everything you need.” Gojo had told you when you arrived at what would be your new home. “I’ll need you to do just a little thing for me, okay?”

You’d turn your attention away from the room to look back at him, still perched on his arms. Your tiny hands let go of his shoulders to pull up his blindfold and look him in the eyes. “What is it?” you tilted your head curiously. 

“I need you to be brave and strong.” 

“Like you?” 

The young man nodded. “Like me, or more if you can. Think you can do that for me?” 

Seeing the unsure look on your face, Gojo had to bite back a laugh. “I don't expect you to be able to be so by tomorrow morning. Little by little every day. Yeah?”

At his explanation, you nodded, raising your pinky. “Promise.”

“Promise.”

You felt your lower lip start to tremble and you had to bite on it and focus on the sting to stop yourself from crying.

“I’m sorry.” You said when you felt you were in the clear to speak again.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Gojo brushed you off. 

Gojo knew you weren’t a fan of confrontation when it came to only yourself. But when others were involved, that’s when you would step up. That’s why when you’ve accounted for the events of the day he immediately understood what made you finally take action. He just wanted you to learn to stand up for yourself. 

“Megumi’s been out for a while…” Tsumiki trailed off, a worried edge to her tone. 

“I’ll go look for him.” Gojo stood up and followed the way out.

When they were back, the boy went straight to his room. You went right after him, the small first aid kit you’d retrieved from the bathroom in your hands. 

He stared at you when you opened the door and stepped in, but looked away once you sat down next to him at the foot of his bed. He didn’t resist it when you brought a hand up to his face to tilt it in your direction. Still, his gaze was downcast and his expression serious.

“You’re still upset?” 

“What made you think so?” He answered, tone flat. He winced once you brought up a cotton ball to clean the cut on his lip. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Just stings a little.”  Normally, the bullies never stood a chance and Megumi would end unscathed besides the cuts in his knuckles.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing.” 

You stayed quiet as you finished up. Looking down at your arm, he brought a hand up gently brushing over the bruise forming there from when you hit the wall. He frowned but held back from ranting again. He said something else instead.

“You did get him good though.” 

A small smile started to break on your face at his comment. “I’m sure I could beat you too now.” you teased. 

“Say that again on Saturday.” there was a hint of a smile on his face then too, his hand coming up to brush over a strand of your hair. 

After the issue with those jerks was over, Megumi was rarely seen alone again at school, and so were you. Now you two were inseparable, always seen together outside of the classrooms. Like at that moment, you talking his ear off walking down the school hallways while he listened contentedly to your ramble. And now really no one was dumb enough to bother you again. 

______

Just having begun your last year of middle school, an event happened that shook your lives again. 

Tsumiki fell into a coma, under the effect of some curse.

Nobody had any answers as to how it happened, no trace, no clues. Just one day, she wouldn’t wake up. 

Megumi couldn’t explain it. She was just fine the days before. If he thought too much about it it’d send him spiraling, until he couldn’t think of anything else. He’d go around asking questions and returning home late. At first, you’d decided to give him space but were sure to let him know you were there for him given he needed anything. It got really bad for a while afterwards, shutting you and everyone off every time you offered him help, not letting anyone join him when he visited her. On the worst days, he’ll skip class, or return home to just lock himself in his room. You wouldn’t see him for hours.

“You’re home.” you brightened up one evening. He’d come back relatively earlier than other days. “You’re hungry? Let me heat up your food again.” 

He silently took off his shoes, then disappeared through the hallway. He came back after dropping his bag in his room and changing into more comfortable clothes. Wordlessly, he ate dinner. But it was something. You were fine with it. That was until he put the dishes away and headed out towards his room again.

Before you even caught up to what you were doing, you were following him, hurried footsteps thudding against the floor. You heard the lock clicking in place. You knocked the door, with a little more force than necessary. 

“Megumi? Megumi, could you please open the door?” 

No response. He’d just closed the door, you knew he could hear you. 

“You can’t keep doing this, Megumi.” 

“Is this how things are going to be now?” your voice ultimately broke. “What am I even doing here if I can’t help you?” 

“I miss her too. And no, I won’t say I get it because I’m sure I don’t feel remotely the same way you do.” 

“But I miss you too.” You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. 

He lay there on his bed facing away from the door while he heard your soft cries right on the other side. At some point you had given up on him opening the door because he couldn’t hear you anymore. It was better for you that way. 

He didn’t notice when he’d drifted off to sleep, but when he woke up it was past midnight. His mouth was dry, so he stood up to go get some water, his body aching from the curled up position he’d fallen asleep into. Then he noticed a light outside was still on, just a fine line visible from under his door. You were still up? 

Warily, he approached it and turned the knob. He felt a slight pressure on it as he swung it open slowly. And there you were sitting on the floor in front of his door. You weren’t awake though. 

Megumi hastily called your name and crouched down to get a hold of you before you fell over and could hurt yourself. He brought a hand up to your face, harmonious except for the red under your eyes, the streaks of dry tears on your cheeks, your lashes still moist.

He called your name again when you wouldn’t wake up. He could feel himself begin to tremble around you, one arm around your middle holding you in your sitting position while his other hand sustained your head up tilted in his direction.

Finally beginning to open your eyes after he called your name for the third time, he exhaled in relief. “Megumi? What? What is it?” you sat up almost instantly, sleep draining out at the sight of tears falling from his eyes, your hands finding his face to wipe them away.

A hiccup in his voice kept him from talking right away, “I’m sorry.” His arms wrapped around you and hugged you tightly to him. You didn’t miss a beat to do the same. “I’m right here.” 

“Yes, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here with you.” It was hard for the words to come out over the lump in your throat.

You were both a crumpled mess on the ground, holding on to each other while tears kept falling. But this was better. It was better to be broken together.

Come another day, you went to visit Tsumiki together. You insisted on talking to her, and told Megumi to talk to her too, that she’d like to hear his voice. Hesitantly, when he was alone, he would do so. And sometimes he felt he needed to, like this time, due to your choice in conversation.

“You’ll see, our Megumi has gotten so handsome!” 

His face burned, was it out of embarrassment or for the compliment he didn’t know. 

“Could you not say stuff like that?” 

“Oh that’s right. He was always handsome.”

“That’s not what I meant.”  It was useless to try to stop you though.

“A girl from his class confessed to him this week! She probably did because the year’s almost over and we’ll start high school soon too. But he rejected her though so he’s still single.” 

“So are you.” 

“And who’s fault is that? You and Gojo teamed up to scare all boys away!” 

“I’ve beaten up like half of the male student population of the school. They’re just a bunch of pricks.” 

You sighed, “I wish someone would confess to me before going onto Jujutsu High. Although I’ll get to see Inumaki senpai from time to time.” 

Megumi’s face scrunched up, “You have a crush on Inumaki senpai?” 

“What? He’s sweet. And cute.” 

How would I know? Megumi thought. 

Seeing his expression, you laughed, grabbing onto his hands for a moment too brief, reaching from your seat beside him, “Guess it’ll be just you and me in the end, Megumi.” You smiled brightly at him, then again you turned to Tsumiki, now continuing to speak about something else he wasn’t paying attention to as he was left to stare at you, your eyes sparkling with your excitement yet with a tenderness, always hopeful that one day she’d wake up, if only to tell you to shut up. 

He was doing better. He has you both. He’ll fix what happened to his sister, and he’ll always protect you too. 

For a moment, you looked at Megumi and found a soft smile on his lips as he stared at the scene in front of him. It didn’t leave as his eyes met yours. 

___________ 

This weekend, you didn’t visit Jujutsu High. Someone had gone to the school and declared war against the sorcerers. The day they planned to attack would be today. It was Christmas Eve, and while you were worried for everyone, you still were selfishly upset that Gojo had to leave.

“Shouldn’t we go help them then?” You said while working with the preparations for the evening. “We have training, and we’ll be official students at the school in a couple months.” But instead, you were stuck in the apartment. 

“He’ll be back tonight.” Megumi told you while he helped you. 

It was Gojo, he thought. He was the strongest so there was nothing to worry about. That’s what he told himself yet when evening rolled in and you sat at the table, two seats empty, he couldn’t deny the anxiety gnawing at his insides even though he didn’t voice it. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Megumi called out to you, standing out on the balcony in your pajamas, still waiting. “Get back inside. It’s cold.” 

“He said he’d be here.” He heard your voice waver. 

It was past midnight, and you still refused to go to bed. At some point, you’d started to silently cry, your head lying on Megumi’s shoulder as you sat closely on the living room sofa. He didn’t bring it up, letting you cry until eventually you fell asleep. 

Still early in the morning, Megumi stirred awake when he heard someone close the front door. He moved his neck from side to side with a grimace, having fallen asleep with his head on top of yours, the position a little uncomfortable and making it hurt. Footsteps got closer until Gojo was stopping in front of him. The man took the scene in front of him and scrambled for something to say, especially with Megumi squinting at him with sleepy eyes. 

“You’re late.” the boy spoke up first. 

“Were you worried about me?” He tried to make the mood lighthearted. 

The boy averted his gaze,“What if I was?” 

“So you were?” Said the man, actually a little surprised. Pleasantly surprised.

“You made her cry.” 

At that, Gojo glanced at your sleeping figure, still nuzzled into Megumi. Your cheeks were streaked with dry tears. your under eyes and cheeks slightly flushed. The man’s eyes softened, a pang of guilt to his chest.

Later, when you woke up, you found yourself lying on the couch, a warm blanket over you. Sitting across from you, you saw him. 

“Merry Christmas.” he smiled.

You squealed happily, then remembered you had just woken up and had terrible bed hair. You weren’t a fan of people seeing you like that, so next you left out another scream, mortified, making Gojo laugh. 

“The neighbors are going to put up a noise complaint, y/n.” Megumi said from the kitchen, finishing making breakfast. 

As soon as you were ready, you came back to the living room and tackled Gojo in a hug, a puff of air leaving him because of your rough affection.  

Before he could do anything, you rushed towards the small Christmas tree at the corner of the room. Under it, a few presents directed to Gojo, Tsumiki, Megumi and you. 

“Megumi! You were supposed to wait!” you scolded. 

You picked one up and walked back towards Gojo. 

“Merry Christmas, Satoru.” you smiled brightly at him. He brought up his hands to receive his present, a wobbly smile trying to break through as he looked away from your eyes. 

Your own smile faltered, concerned, “Are you okay?” 

“Oh, yeah. All good.” But his eyes look sad and distant, as if he was torn between this moment and elsewhere. “Thank you, kid.” 

“You’re welcome. I really hope you like it. I dragged Megumi around the mall looking for the per…” He stared at you with a soft expression as you kept talking, your under eyes still red and irritated but all lightened up now. 

Thank you for your tears. 

___________

“You already done? Gojo is coming to get us soon.” 

“C’mon, you know he’s rarely on time.” He heard you answer back.

Megumi opened the door to your room but stopped at the doorway when he saw you. You were already dressed in your new Jujutsu High uniform, the skirt flowing in the air as you turned around. 

“Whatcha think? Wouldn’t these in black suit me better?” Almost your entire closet consisted in black clothes but he had to agree that black really did suit you very well. Although he didn’t mind the rare times you wore another color. He’ll find he’d like it anyway.

“It looks good.” 

“You really think so?” You brightened up, finally taking a good look at him. “You look great though! It matches with your eyes” 

“It’s just a uniform.” He murmured, avoiding your eyes. He didn’t know why you always managed to get him flustered lately.

“We’re gonna be using these for a while.” 

Like you had predicted, Gojo was late, but once he arrived, you picked up your things with a sigh and filed out, throwing one last look at the apartment you’d called home for the last 3 years. It wasn’t a goodbye. Once Tsumiki woke up, she could return and you’ll come back any time you’d like. Megumi was the last to come out, taking in how much more empty the place ended up, then closed the door. 

“At school you have to show respect to your superiors.” Gojo started once you reached Jujutsu High. 

“Just like you do?” Megumi said sarcastically, raising a brow at him. 

“You mean we have to call you Gojo sensei?” 

“That’s right!” He pointed at you animatedly. “You always picked things up fast. Now,” He waited expectantly for you to fill the imaginary blank in the air. 

“Gojo sensei.” Gosh you were so cute. Both you and Megumi were so fun to mess with in such different ways, watching the grumpy boy start to mutter to himself in clear annoyance. 

Meanwhile, Megumi couldn’t believe how gullible you could be sometimes. 

“Y/n, you’re indulging him too much.” 

“C’mon Megumi-chan, try again.” Rang his now officially teacher’s sing song voice. 

“Just once and he’ll stop.” You told him, but clearly you were finding it fun. 

“You think?”

____________

Megumi arrived at Sendai at night. The time didn’t matter to him that much on that occasion because it was a simple mission. He was supposed to find the talisman, then he would go to the hotel and head back to Tokyo tomorrow.  

In front of the Stevenson screen, he stopped.

 Something was off. 

Where did he go? Before you could wonder anything else, you felt him grab hold of one of your arms, turning you around and out of your hiding place behind the underbrush. You made contact with the ground harshly while he pinned your hands above your head and the rest of your body with his on top.

You chuckled, a little out of breath from the impact. “You’re getting good, Megumi.” Sure he was. He only sensed you because you let him. And there you were, smiling up at him like you were having fun and nothing was up. How long had you been trailing him? 

Unable to ignore his presence lingering for maybe too long (not that you could with all of him practically holding you down), and his deep blue eyes like the ocean seemingly pinning you down on its own, you squirmed under him nervously. “Are we going to stay like this all night or are we getting the job done?” 

That seemed to snap him back, releasing you quickly and standing up, busying himself dusting off his uniform. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

You sat up, “I’m on the mission.” 

“Gojo didn’t appoint you for this one. If I remember correctly, he actually told you not to come. How did you even snuck out and travel here?” He sometimes found your stealth an equally good and bad point. That paired with your ability to practically reduce your cursed energy to nothing made it hard to notice you. He didn’t blame whoever you got to overlook you. 

“Gojo sensei.” He helped you up, dusting off your skirt, “I got my own money.” 

“We’re not at school. And he should cut down your allowance.” 

“It’s still school business. And if he wants to save money he should cut down yours.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense! I haven’t done anything!” 

“Exactly! It’s a simple mission and you’re here arguing with me!” You turned away from him and looked over to the screen, “It’s supposed to be right there, isn’t it? I don’t even feel anything.” Megumi frowned at your words, then went ahead to open the screen. You followed, standing on the tip of your toes to take a look over his shoulder. 

There was supposed to be a lock in it but it was gone, so without any obstacle, the door budged open easily to find- 

Nothing. 

His face scrunched up. 

He took out his phone. Gojo didn’t take long to pick up. “There’s nothing here.” He muttered out. When he turned slightly to look at you he opened his mouth again, and you feared he would rat you out. And you were right to do so because that’s what he planned to do. You shook your head and clasped your hands together pleading with him. 

You couldn’t hear what Gojo said but Megumi didn’t find it funny, repeating he was going to punch him. Then Gojo hung up. You smiled brightly at him for not telling on you and Megumi scolded himself for giving in to you. He sighed. 

“Can’t go home until I find it.” He turned to start to look around. 

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think?” 

“It’s dark. It could be anywhere around the school and I can’t exactly feel anything near us. Let’s head over to the hotel and come back early tomorrow.”

You were right. It was dark and if you couldn’t even sense it, it meant it would be more troublesome. He began to make his way back, bringing his phone up to call Ijichi-san this time. “Absolutely not. You’re staying back tomorrow.” 

“What? No! I thought we were good now! You know I’m helpful.” You protested. 

Sure, he knew you were more than helpful, but if Gojo had been opposed to you joining it was for a reason. “I didn’t tell on you, but Ijichi-san will unless you do as told.” 

“Fine.” Now you were frowning. Megumi didn’t like it when you got mad, much less if you got mad at him. But he was doing the right thing, right? Or the closest thing to it. 

When you got to the hotel, you both got ready for bed. Not a word was said. The bed in his room was spacious enough for two so you didn’t see a reason to ask for another room (plus you didn’t want Gojo on you if he happened to check your account, and you didn’t have enough cash). You laid down, facing away from him. 

“Good night.” He mumbled, staring at your back. No answer. He waited patiently.

You squirmed in bed for a few minutes, until you finally gave in. Turning around, you placed a kiss on his cheek, then mumbled, “Good night.” 

A smile broke on his face. He knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for long, and you didn’t like to go to bed while still being in a bad mood. You probably hated him sometimes for it. 

He should’ve known better. 

When he woke up, slowly opening his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the empty space beside him. That made him shoot up immediately. There was no way. No way did you sneak out while he was asleep. That was foul play. If there was a next time you acted this stubborn (unfortunately he was sure this wouldn’t be the last time), he would use Gama to restrain you the moment he saw you if necessary. He hurried to get ready and head out after you. 

It's not until the afternoon when Megumi finds you, coming to a stop behind a fence while it looks like some sort of competition’s about to start on the field. Just for a moment, he’s able to blend both of you in with your surroundings. He imagines he’s there to meet with you, you’re just like any other girl at this normal school on a normal day. It’s a little easier this time since you’re not wearing the Jujutsu High uniform, instead you don a simple, practical outfit (since you’re on a mission and practically trespassing. No need for extra attention.) but that nonetheless suits you very well. Your hair, now long again, flows softly behind you with the light breeze like a soft, dark veil. There’s a hair tie on your wrist for later when you start to feel like it gets on the way but for now he enjoys your serene look.

Of course, you notice him right away and smile innocently at him. He stares for a little longer, your smile drowning him down further but he forces himself out back to reality. “I thought I made myself clear.”

“I’m older than you. You can’t be ordering me around.” He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. You brought up that lame excuse any chance you got. It was just an eleven day difference. 

“It’s not too late to go back and avoid making this bigger than it is.” 

You brushed him off, “Focus.” 

Like that’s not what he’d been trying to do this whole time.

You looked ahead towards the field, “There’s cursed energy shooting from all directions. That thing’s sure around here.” 

“I can tell that much.” He stared at you, not being able to push down his worry. “How long have you been using your technique?” 

“Since I got here this morning.” You brought your index to your chin in thought, “Which makes it... Past 7 hours?” 

“Go back to the hotel and rest until I’m done here.” 

“Relax, I can hold it up for a little longer.” 

Before he could go on ranting about how this wasn’t necessary and how he’d have to deal with your headache too, or worse, your body could give up on you leaving you all crumpled on the floor, chants of someone’s name brought your attention back to the field. Just in time to see a pink haired boy send a heavy metal ball flying through the air as if pitching a baseball , caving the edge of the soccer goal and lodging there. 

“That was insane. He could kill someone with that.” You turned to Megumi, seeing him equally impressed. Then you gasped, swaying a little in place before Megumi brought his hands up to stabilize you. 

“What is it?” 

“I’m fine I just- I felt something stronger. Coming closer.” Your head began to hurt. 

“I told you to drop it.” He gruffed. Then he heard hurried steps behind you. Megumi turned just in time to see the boy from earlier zoom past him and he froze. An immense wave of curse energy stood out from the rest all of a sudden, there and then gone. 

The boy. 

“Go after him!” You closed your hands around the wire fence. 

“Stay here.” He said firmly before doing so, calling Ijichi-san so he could stay with you. 

You turned your attention back towards the building.

 What is it they had in this place? 

You had some time to rest as you waited for Megumi, but not a call came in. 

It’s been almost three hours since he left. 

Something was off. If that boy had anything to do with the cursed object they had to retrieve, Megumi would’ve been done with it soon enough. But the curse energy presence that irradiated from him was so strong. There was no way you were wrong. 

Unless you somehow were. 

“Do you feel that?” You said to Ijichi-san, pushing away from your leaning position against the side of the car. “There’s a curse-. No. More.” 

His worried look mirrored yours but you’d already ignored too many instructions. “You can’t go in there.” 

But what was it to ignore one more? 

“I’m sorry Ijichi-san.” You said before running towards the building. 

Megumi’s phone vibrated on his hand as he ran alongside Itadori towards the school. You both had only picked up a trace. The curse object was still at the school in the hands of a couple students that didn’t know what they were dealing with. If they had already broken its weakened seal, they were as good as dead.

“Ijichi-san.” He answered between hurried breaths. , “Is y/n okay?”

“I’m sorry, Fushiguro-kun.” He paused and Megumi felt fear start to bubble up inside him. “She went inside the school.”  

“We’re on our way.” With that the call ended, “We need to hurry.” He told the boy as he kept pushing his legs to go faster, “Fuck!” 

Inside the school, you managed to grab hold of a terrified girl and drag her away from a curse’s clutches. You’d lost sight of the boy that was with her amidst all the chaos. 

“Hey, hey, I’ll need you to breathe, okay? I’ll get us out of here alive but I need you to tell me where that thing you were keeping is.” You whispered to her, grabbing onto her shoulders. You could hear the curse spirit creeping and growling just on the other side of the wall that was hiding you from view. 

There was something behind you. You turn to see the boy, a curse trying to swallow him. Then something else just next to you, and next thing you knew it was grabbing you. The girl screamed as another took hold of her. There were too many. It seemed as if they were springing out of nowhere.  

Using your technique, you started to drain its cursed energy just until you were able to reach for your daggers. You stabbed it right in its middle and it let you go, enabling you to reach for the rest of your weapons and hit it until it was exorcised. You took down another using just the new boost of curse energy coursing through your body.

You looked for the curse at the end of the hall, the one that had grabbed hold of the boy and the girl. You couldn’t risk using your daggers, could you? If you did so and landed a hit, it would be a powerful one, but if you missed and hit one of the students… No way.

You felt something familiar then. 

Megumi.

“I know you’re mad but we have a bigger problem right now.” 

“You’re so hearing it later.” 

What could you do? Megumi was just as lost as you. That thing was trying to swallow those two along with the cursed object. If that happened they really were screwed. 

The sound of glass breaking made you both turn towards the window, the pink haired boy jumping in. 

“Itadori!” 

“What the hell is he doing here?!” 

Just like his strength demonstration earlier in the day, with a powerful punch, he got the cursed spirit to release the two students. 

That shut you up. “Well, that does it.” 

Megumi’s divine dogs took care of the rest. 

“Apparently there’s not enough stubborn people around.” He glared at you as he walked over to the boy named Itadori. “Good job.” 

“Good job to you too.” you cooed at the two doggies while they ate the curse and you retrieved your daggers.

You heard the boy laugh, “Who’s she? And what are those?” 

“Someone who's not supposed to be here.” you rolled your eyes. “Those are my shikigami. You can see them?” Itadori nodded. 

“The girl too.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh too then. Megumi had to bite back a smile at the sound. He was still mad at you. “Just so you know I’m entirely human.” 

“Oh.” 

Megumi proceeded to explain to a strangely calm Itadori a little about the curse spirits. You turned around having collected the last of your daggers, and just as Itadori was about to hand over the cursed object to Megumi, its unnerving pressure starting to make your head hurt and ears ring, you perceived another thing. 

“We have to get out of here fast!” You rushed over, all eyes on you and you barely had time to give Megumi a nudge before he looked up and decided what his next move would be. 

“Go!” His divine dogs were helping you and Itadori move the other two away in a beat, letting the curse crash down on him. 

“Fushiguro!” “Megumi!” Both of you cried out. You tried to stand up but stumbled. The constant turning on and off of your technique had worn you down, adding all the time you’d used it today. The couple of hours you took to rest weren’t nearly enough. 

That thing threw Megumi against the wall, the impact knocking the air out of him. You saw blood. The shikigami were released. This was bad. You couldn’t give in now.

“You okay?” Itadori eyed you worrily. 

“I’m fine, I need to help Megumi. Stay here.” 

“I’m helping t-” 

“Please. You’ve done enough. I’ll worry about you too.” You risked a smile, fighting over your agitation, as if to tell him, 

I’ll be fine.

“I’ll see you later. Stay back!” And you hurried after them. Jumping out of the hole that thing had made through the wall, you landed on top of it, one dagger in each hand digging into its body. It wailed and tried to shake you off. It succeeded, but you quickly released more of your daggers and landed a couple more hits before making contact with the ground.

No, no, no, no. Megumi’s head was throbbing and he couldn’t focus. His hopes of you finally listening to him vanished when he saw you jumping out at the cursed spirit. You did manage to hurt him before it sent you flying, rolling over the floor.

“Y/n!”

“I’m okay!” you choked out in pain. 

“Get away!” He knew there was panic in his voice. His throat hurt with it. He’s barely keeping it together now when Itadori follows through where you came from and attacks the cursed spirit. Why does no one listen to him? 

Megumi warns him but can’t keep him from doing the stupidest thing. He swallows the cursed object. 

Ew. 

You gag. 

He couldn’t be serious. 

You both stare in a mix of disbelief, anticipation and dread (and a little disgust to be honest). 

Either the boy dies from swallowing that poison, or- 

His mind stops racing with the possible outcomes and their consequences as he watches the curse get torn to pieces. 

Itadori’s body is now the vessel of the king of curses, Ryōmen Sukuna. 

He watches and listens in horror to its speech. Meanwhile, you were silently moving towards it. Its back is facing you, and like most seems totally unaware of your presence. The chances of dying have always been high, even more so today. So you’ll take one more chance. Your eyes meet his for just one second. You always loved his eyes. If this goes wrong and you really end up dying tonight, you hope to at least give Megumi an opening to escape and live.  

Megumi’s scream gets stuck in his throat and he can’t do anything as your hand makes contact with what once was Itadori’s body.

Your vision is filled by pure, unadulterated darkness. Screams in fear and laments fill your head. Your skin burns and your blood boils. It’s like a lightning strike, as bright as the white beam of cursed energy that crackles at the point of contact. The shock is so great it sends you out flying once again. But this time you don’t say anything, your body’s limp on the floor.

All there’s left is white noise. 

Sukuna turns towards you. It expects to be mad but instead finds itself perplexed that you even dared to touch it. Impressed, even. Though you barely made a mark on it, just a numb stinging where your hand had been. Before something else can happen, it finds itself stumbling backwards, the rightful owner of the body taking over.

“Huh? Fushiguro?”, Itadori brings a hand up to his head, “Where’s um-” He thinks of the name he’d heard Megumi say before, “Wh-Where’s y/n?” When he turns and spots you lying on the ground, unmoving, he’s scared. “Oh god-” He doesn’t get to take a step before Megumi’s yelling at him. 

“Don’t move!” His voice breaks at the end. His body is trembling out of anger, fear, he doesn’t know, but still takes his stance. “You’re no longer human. Under jujutsu regulation, Yūji Itadori, I will now exorcise you as a curse!” 

________

It had been 5 days since the incident at Yūji’s school, and Megumi found himself now at your bedside at the hospital.

You still hadn’t woken up.

That night while he was raking his scattered brain for what decision to make, Gojo had arrived. He’d run over to you then, dropping to his knees. He could barely see anything because of the tears blurring his vision. He tried to control his ragged breathing while he checked for your pulse. A heavy gasp of relief left him when he found it, a little weak but there nonetheless. His hands were on your face as his eyes tried to look everywhere at once to guess how bad you’d been hurt. There was a trickle of blood running down your nose, bruises at the side of your head, but the most noticeable injury was on your left arm, starting from your hand. There were open gashes on your palm as if it had been sliced with a knife, and from there up to your elbow, crooked lines that looked like burns. 

When Gojo had finished evaluating the situation with Itadori/Sukuna, Megumi turned to them to find his teacher holding onto the unconscious boy. Apparently Itadori could control Sukuna, so his teacher had asked him what they should do. Yūji seemed nice. Hell, he’d done such a stupid thing looking to save them. So he’d ask Gojo if he could save him. 

He’d broken down after. Repeating that it was his fault you’d been hurt, that he should’ve given you out the night before. He’d thought Gojo would be more upset. And he was very worried, but he’d told Megumi she’d made her choice, that while fighting curses they wouldn’t always be together and that he couldn’t protect her all the time. It’s not like she’d allow it either. And she was also very strong and could hold her own. If they were lucky you’ll push through one more time. 

He just couldn’t resist you, could he? 

So he’d tried to convince himself that it wasn’t his fault alone. It was yours for what you did to him. 

They’d tended to him quickly enough. He’d hit his head pretty hard, and had come out with several bruises and cuts all over his body and face. Rest was recommended but he would not stay away from you. 

On your second day at the hospital, you’d gotten a high fever. For a moment you’d gained a little consciousness but he wasn’t sure if that’d been for the better or worse. The scene of your sweaty body twisting in what seemed like agony, groaning and moaning in pain had only shook him more. That whole night you’d been restless with what seemed like nightmares. You’d scream, and he’d rush back into the room, having had to step out earlier. He’d clasped your hand, lost as to what else to do but repeating over and over that you were fine and he was right there with you. It lasted a little more until it was finally over. 

Suddenly he’d felt that tingly sensation from when your cursed technique was active. He recognized it. You’d explained it to him. You could activate it without means to “steal” the cursed energy, but to feel it, which took you little to no effort or strain, so it didn’t affect you or the other party at all. It felt like goosebumps all over his body. It wasn’t unpleasant. Just a little weird. You’d said to him that feeling his calmed you down. He stayed the entire night there with you, watching your now peaceful features, at your hand linked with his, the subtle white glow radiating from them giving him a little hope. 

Now, he thought about your visits to Tsumiki. 

“Tsumikiii! We’re here!”

“Keep it down!” He’d scold.

“C’mon, don’t be rude. Say hi.” 

If he talked to you like that, wouldn’t it make it more final? Was he accepting the idea of you staying like that for who knows how long?

He wasn’t sure if he could handle it. 

For a while he’d feared that maybe there was a curse lurking around him. It was starting to feel more real with each day it passed. 

Please not you too. 

“Hey,” his own voice caught him off guard. It sounded hoarse, his throat dry. “You can hear me, right?” 

“The other day, you knew it was me. You did that thing.” He rambled. “There’s no other reason. So you were right.” He let out a wet chuckle. “Maybe Tsumiki might be able to hear us. Well, mostly you. You’re the one that talks more.” 

“You’re going to wake up soon, right?” 

He waited for another sign. 

Sighing, he brushed the wetness from his eyes with the sleeve of his uniform after minutes passed without anything. He stood up. He had to go meet with Gojo and Yūji. 

Before stepping away, he leaned over to leave a kiss at the crown of your head. “I’ll be right back.” He whispered before breaking away. 

They got the call right before Yūji headed out to pack his stuff. 

“It’s y/n.” A smile like Gojo had ever seen took over Megumi’s face, “She’s awake.” 

“Really? That’s great!” The pink haired boy cheered. He’d also been worrying about what happened with you, feeling guilty for it. And you’d tried to protect him. The day he’d gone to see you at the hospital he’d seen how bad you’d gotten for a moment and the worry on Megumi’s face. You two seemed really close and it was clear you cared deeply for each other, recalling back seeing you while cursed spirit fighting.

Gojo’s soft smile was another sight. 

Yet he had to ruin it. 

“Did you kiss our little y/n-chan?” 

“What?!” The color coming up from Megumi’s neck up to his ears was a nice change to the ghostly pale of the last few days, alive with new light. So was the scandalous yet funny look on his face. “How did you-”

“You did?!” 

When you heard footsteps outside your door you turned towards it. 

The first to approach you was Gojo, ruffling your hair affectionately. “I’m glad you’re okay, kid.” 

What was he going to do with you?

You pulled his blindfold down. You were probably the only person able to get away with that. “Happy to see you too.” 

“You won’t be so happy soon.” At that you grimaced. You knew you wouldn’t get out of this unscathed. 

You then noticed Megumi standing near the doorway and your smile grew brighter if that was possible. Megumi was doing no better than you. In fact, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Should he hug you? Should he yell at you? 

Did you kiss her?

The teasing words from Gojo earlier got to him again somehow and he felt his face grow hot. You stared a little astounded at his blushing face. 

Damn. He must be really angry. 

“Hey.”  You settled with, suddenly shy.

Another voice called for you, getting you to look away, “Y/n!” 

“Itadori?” You stared at him, surprised, “How did you-?” You looked around for an explanation.

“Oh, that guy? It’s okay. I got it under control.” 

“So it’s still…?” 

“Yeah. It’s really annoying though. It just called me annoying. And said that it’s glad to see you again.” 

“Is it really?” You said with a grimace. That was… something. “How should I take that?” 

“I’d say it’s quite disconcerting.” Megumi muttered, finally speaking up.

“It says you have guts daring to touch it. It’s thinking whether to kill you or not the next time it gets a chance.” Yūji opened his eyes comically wide then frowned. “No you won’t. There will be no next time.” 

You scoffed, “I’m surprised it’s thinking about it.” 

“It says you’re funny.” 

“This is quite an unsettling conversation .” You chuckled, then continued, something else nagging at you,“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” you worried. 

“Not really. It felt funny where you touched me, and it was red for a while but now it’s gone.” He pushed down one sleeve of his t-shirt to reveal his shoulder. True to his word, there was no sign of injury. Then he turned to you again, his eyes downcast, looking at your arm, “I’m sorry about your arm though.” 

“Oh I’m fine.” You lifted your arm just a tad bit. You were still a little stiff and it hurt a little. It’ll probably scar but you were lucky it hadn’t been ripped off clean. 

“Okay, we should let the girl rest before we head off.”  Gojo dismissed the group. 

“Oh, that’s right! I’m coming with you guys!” Itadori told you before he waved goodbye and exited the room, Gojo following him but lagging seeing that Megumi didn’t move. 

“Don’t be too hard on her if you’re staying, Megumi.” And with that he was out too.

You looked down at your lap, entertaining yourself tracing a finger over the new scars on your left arm.

You felt his arms wrap around you delicately, afraid he might hurt you. He rested his head on top of yours. Your eyes widened, bringing a hand up tentatively to hold onto him. “Welcome back.” 

He could wait a little longer to scold you. 

You laughed, and pulled away. Lifting both your hands to cup his cheeks, your soft gaze met his eyes. You got to see them again after all.

 “I love your eyes.” 

He pouted. “I know. You’ve told me like, a thousand times.” Although it wasn’t the first time you did that, he had to break eye contact for a moment, entertaining himself looking at the monitor beside your bed. Your heartbeat was a little fast. That was good, he thought. Nothing like that night on the rooftop.

____________

Around eleven in the a.m., Megumi was on his way to the medical wing of Jujutsu High to go see you. He’d fallen asleep heavy as a rock for once in his own bedroom. He was dressed in the school’s uniform. Soon, Itadori, Gojo and him would head out to pick up the new, fourth first year student. 

He knocked on the door. 

“Just a minute!” you answered, and he heard you groan. 

“What are you doing?”  His voice sounded muffled from the other side of the door. 

At your lack of answer, he pushed open the door. There you were, up in the middle of the room with your back towards him. And struggling to put on your tee shirt. He stopped. 

“Megumi what the hell?!” 

“I’m-I’m sorry!” Not that you could see, but his eyes grew wider. Stuttering in place, he still laughed nervously, watching how your head was stuck inside the shirt. For one point it was good, for your face was burning in embarrassment .“Do you need help?” 

“No! Just wait outside or-or turn around!” Finally, your face was out through the hole of the shirt, yet you held back another groan trying to lift your arm.

“I really can’t see anything. Let me help you.” It was true. You had bandages around your middle, your chest almost entirely covered.  He walked the short distance between you and stepped right behind you. Megumi couldn’t help but stare at the red, purples and blues on your skin, some of the bruises peeking out of the bandages. Delicately, he brought his hand up to help put your arms through your shirt. You made a little noise of complaint as he lifted your left arm. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” You sighed. His fingers hovered over your skin as he gently pulled the fabric in place and then when he brought his hands up again to untuck your damp hair out of it. “Thank you.” 

He nodded when you turned around to face him. “Does it hurt a lot?” He worried.

You shook your head “Only bothers me when I try to raise it up.” 

“Why didn’t you have someone help you out?” 

“I just wanted to shower.”  You countered. “Was five days out. I totally needed one.” You added with a grimace. 

At that Megumi chuckled. You smiled at him, then noticed his attire, “Do you have something to do today? I thought you still had to rest.” 

“We’re just picking up the other first year.” 

“That was today? Why didn’t you say so? Now I have to get out of this thing and put on the uniform.” 

“You’re staying here.” Megumi stated. 

“What? But I want to greet her! And-And walking would do me good.” 

“You’ll greet her once we get here. You can walk around campus. Either that or I’ll lock you up, and you’ll have to settle on going around in circles in this room.” He threatened. 

“Are you still mad? It’s not even cursed fighting this time. We’re just picking her up.”  

“Yeah, like with the talisman.” He said sarcastically, then sighed. “I’m not mad just- Would you listen to me this time?” He practically pleaded, looking you in the eye. 

You wondered if he looked at you like that on purpose. “Fine.” you gave in. “Guess you’re right this time.” 

“You really mean it? You’re not sneaking out of here?”

You chuckled, “Fine, fine! I’m really staying.” You held your pinky up, and he linked his with yours. “Promise.” 

Megumi smiled wide this time, eyes crinkling at the corners. You sat on the bed for a little while longer and Megumi helped you brush your hair. 

The time to go came soon enough with Itadori looking for him, waving at you from the doorway. 

“And by the way, I was right both times.” He said to you before turning to leave.

 

Kugisaki Nobara had a strong personality, unafraid of giving a piece of her mind. Both Yūji and Megumi found out fairly soon, falling under her judgment. But she was good and handled herself well while curse fighting. Just the right amount of crazy. Maybe a little more too. 

When they were done with her test, and she and Yūji argued over where to go for dinner, Megumi got back to thinking about you and wondered what you were doing. 

“Fushiguro!”  He was snapped back to the present by her. “What do you think?”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear what you were saying.” 

“He’s probably thinking about y/n.” Yūji didn’t really mean for it to sound like teasing but it was done. Fushiguro glared at him. 

“Oh. Who’s that?” Nobara asked curiously, turning to look at Megumi now. 

“She’s a first year too.” 

 “There’s another one? And she’s a girl? Oh thank God!” 

“That sounded a little too happy.” Yūji muttered. 

“Why did she leave me here with just you two?” 

“You’re being really mean, you know?” 

“She stayed back resting. Got injured on a mission.” Megumi explained. 

“But she’s alright now. She’s pretty great.” Yūji chimed in excitedly. 

“And she’s your girlfriend?” 

“What? No!” Megumi denied shaking his head. The color on his cheeks didn’t help him much though.

“But you said you kissed her yesterday?” Itadori asked more than stated, confused. “Isn’t that right, Gojo sensei?” He turned towards the man, walking a little ahead to give the kids space but still at earshot.

“Just like Sleeping Beauty.” 

“It really was! She finally woke up after it!” Itadori chuckled. 

Megumi tried to get a word in. Those two really were blowing things out of proportion.

“You kissed her while she was unconscious? You perv!” The girl right about smacked him. 

“I didn’t!” The poor boy rubbed his upset cheek. He ducked his head. Thanks to those guys, they’d called the attention of a few passersby. “I just kissed her head! I told you that!” He hissed. 

“Oh. Right.” 

When they finally got back to campus, they spotted you in the school garden, sitting under the same tree where you met Megumi for the first time. You heard Itadori’s cheery voice call you and turned to see him coming with Nobara by his side, following Gojo. Then your eyes met Megumi’s, who kept walking away. He looked upset. You stood up, brushing the dirt off your clothes.

“Kugisaki Nobara, this is y/l/n y/n. Y/l/n y/n, this is Kugisaki Nobara.” Gojo went ahead with his flashy introduction, making you giggle. “I’ll let you kids get to know each other.” He ruffled your hair playfully before waving to the other two and leaving. 

“It’s so nice to meet you.” You smiled at her. 

“I so wanted to meet you too.” She returned the smile. You already liked her. And she was pretty too, you noticed looking at her pale skin, light brown eyes and her brown hair styled in a bob. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t go pick you up.” You said, not being able to help feeling self conscious under her stare, that went up and down and back up to your arm. You tucked your arms behind you. 

“It’s okay. The boys told me about what happened.”  She brushed you off understandingly. “They actually talked a lot about you.” 

“They did?” You looked at Yūji who immediately straightened up.

“Just nice things! It’s not like there are bad things, is it? Plus I just met you a few days ago.” Itadori said sheepishly. You smiled.

“And Fushiguro didn’t lie either. You’re so pretty! Your hair! Can I touch it?” 

“Megumi?” you felt your heartbeat take a quicker rhythm as your face started to warm up. “Oh, sure…”  You answered her question and she brushed her hands gently through it. “By the way, is Megumi okay?” 

Nobara halted.

“We probably teased him too much.” The boy grimaced, exchanging a look with Nobara.

“Is that it? Then he’ll be fine.” You tried to reassure them. “I do it all the time. And Gojo- Gojo sensei too. He’ll just need to get used to it. It’s sure gonna be even more lively around here.” You smiled. 

That evening, a furry visitor came into your room.

“Oh hello, you handsome.” You cooed at Kuro, crouching down to scratch the back of its ears as it wagged its tail happily. There was a small bag hanging from its collar. “Whatcha got there?” 

You took the bag and looked inside to find a small box. When you opened it, you saw they were sweets. You smiled, setting it aside to pet the dog, ruffling the hair around its head. “Well thank you. You know where Megumi is?” 

Megumi smiled before pushing himself from the wall and entering the room. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” you looked up, smiling back. 

“I thought I’d bring you something since you couldn’t come with us.” Megumi explained, bringing a hand up to his neck. He seemed suddenly nervous about something. 

“How’d it go with Yūji and Nobara?” 

“They’re fine. Gojo got their hopes up about going sightseeing and we ended up dealing with a cursed spirit.” You chuckled at that.

“They seem like they’re very good.” You agreed, nodding. “We chatted for a while…” You trailed off seeing he was still not looking at you. “Are you okay?” You stood up, Kuro looking to get back your attention.

That finally made him turn to look at you, worried gaze looking for his.

Megumi felt his skin get warmer, hands getting clammy. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he was able to start talking, “Listen, about the kiss-It wasn’t like that-”

“Kiss? Wh-What kiss?” 

Oh. 

He fucked up. 

Megumi was sure that those two would somehow bring it up to you too. He thought you were just going to pretend like you didn’t know. Turns out you didn’t know at all and he’d made it sound like there was something worth mentioning in the first place. 

“You kissed someone? Who?” You spoke up after minutes passed in silence. Saying that felt weird, but not good weird. It was only because Megumi had never mentioned anyone. That was the only reason. Or so you told yourself. 

“You. I mean I didn’t-  Gosh this is Gojo’s fault.” Frustratedly, Megumi brushed his hands over his face. 

A kiss, a kiss, a kiss. Since yesterday that’s all he’s been able to think about. 

Meanwhile you stared at him frozen and wide eyed, internally panicking. “You kissed me? When- What the fuck. Megumi, I need you to tell me what are you talking about.” 

“I didn’t kiss you like that. It was just a kiss to your head.” He breathed out a sigh.

“Oh.” 

Then to his surprise, you started laughing. “Is that why you were all moody earlier?” 

“I wasn’t moody.” He muttered, avoiding your gaze, cheeks burning. 

“You wanted to?” 

“What?” His voice came out a beat  late, weaker than intended. 

“To kiss me. Did you want to?” You asked again, taking advantage of whatever had possessed you at that moment, half teasing half serious. What were you even asking? And why? 

Megumi met your eyes again. He couldn’t tell if you were actually serious. Then he dared to look at your lips. 

He shook his head. “Not like that.” 

You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it wasn’t that. “What do you mean?” 

“If I wanted to kiss someone I wouldn’t do it while they’re unconscious. Especially if it were for the first time and we weren’t even together.”  

You smiled softly, nodding. 

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” You walked over to him. Cupping his face, he leaned down for you to place a kiss at the crown of his head just like he’d done so.  “There.” You looked at him, eyes shining. He was sure his eyes were looking at you in the same way. “Now let’s eat up those sweets.” 

________

For the next week, you’re not able to train with the other first years. Instead, you’re left to do exercises to help you recover. Megumi is there to help you when he’s done with his own training. But when you’re back, you’re able to see your classmates' abilities. As you already knew, Yuuji is stupidly, naturally strong. He’s not even using cursed energy yet. 

He’s your first opponent. 

“I’m not sure I want to hit you…”  Itadori says unsure as he comes to stand in front of you. “Are you sure you’re fine?” 

“You should worry about yourself, Itadori.” Megumi comments, a small smile threatening to take over his features when you turn to look at him with a playful grin of your own. 

“What?” That puts Itadori on alert. Next thing he knows is you’re going at him, and he manages to lift his arms just in time to cover his face. “Whoah!” 

Nobara explains to you her cursed technique since you weren’t there to watch her during her test. Since yours is trickier to show, you wait to show her until the end, when you’re all done sparring each other. 

Finally it’s your turn to face Megumi. The other two watch as you try to land a hit on each other. You look so comfortable, used to each other’s movements. It’s more like you’re dancing instead of trying to fight each other, so in sync. At last, you manage to swiftly swipe Megumi off his feet and he lands on his back. He lets out a groan as you get on top of him to pin him down, laughter bubbling up your throat. He looks up at you and grins before he frees himself and turns you both around. You let out a squeal now that your back hits the ground. It’s his turn to laugh, both of your chests heaving.

Megumi stares at your face, your eyes bright staring up at him, face flushed and slightly sweaty because of all the time you’ve been training, very much like he is (his hair’s falling down over his forehead at this point). You’re just strikingly beautiful to him. And he finds that he really wants to kiss you now. The thought paralyzes him. He knows his guard is down, and he’s begging inside for you to move before he’s overcome by whatever is shifting inside of him, gives and leans in. 

The other two share a look. 

It kinda feels wrong to be watching you two. 

But the thought comes and goes as they quickly turn again to the scene in front of them, not wanting to miss anything.  (They’re barely breathing in anticipation). 

Then you’re saying something. Megumi can’t hear anything though. His eyes trailed down to your lips the moment they moved and he can’t seem to stop from shamelessly staring. 

“Megumi?” you repeat. 

“Hmm?” Just a noise is all he’s able to let out to let you know he’s listening now. 

“I asked if it’s okay for you to help me show Kugisaki my technique.” 

He’s back in the gym where they’re practicing. 

“Yes.” He nods, staring back at your eyes. He doesn’t move.  

“Maybe let me go?” You chuckle nervously.

Megumi’s cheeks burn by having to be called out and he quickly nods, moving to help you into a sitting position and brushing any possible dirt off you before kneeling in front of you. 

You call Nobara and Itadori over. They’re sporting very disappointed expressions that you’re totally oblivious of. That’s until you mention what you’re about to do and they forget all about the scene they’d just witnessed, all excited. Yuji hadn’t gotten to see what your technique was yet. 

“It’s not really that exciting.” You tell them, suddenly bashful for the attention before turning to Megumi. 

He nods, letting you know he’s ready. You focus, the bright flow of cursed energy flowing through Megumi’s body coming to your vision. You avoid the points where it concentrates the most since it’s just for a quick demonstration. You settle on bringing a hand up to the right side of his chest, gently but firm. 

Megumi’s heart pounds on his chest as he watches you intently, just like the other two do as if he’s too witnessing it for the first time. There’s grey in your eyes now, the dark brown replaced briefly for silver, and white shiny light begins to glow from under your hand. He feels the fuzzy feeling again. You hear someone gasp besides yourself, and are reminded to stop before you overdo it. 

“Holy shit, y/n, you’re glowing!” The difference from this to someone who's using cursed energy defensively to protect their body, is that there’s no cursed energy surrounding you and the light’s coming from within you still. You don’t react, unable to concentrate on anything but Megumi and what you’re doing.

You smile at the boy before placing your hand to his chest again, reverting what you did. When you stop, the giddy sensation leaves him with your touch. Then you’re back to normal. 

“Are you okay?” You always make sure he is. He nods, not missing the touch of your fingertips for long as you bring your hand up to his cheek now. 

“That was so cool. Your eyes-!” Nobara starts but cuts herself off. 

“Me next! Me next!” Yuuji bounces excitedly. Megumi gets hold of your hands. You look at him and before you turn to Yuuji again to gently explain why you have to decline his wish, Megumi beats you to it. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

The pink haired boy pouts, “Why not?” 

“You don’t have control of your cursed energy yet. It might hurt you. And even then, y/n might get in touch with Sukuna’s again.” 

You can only nod, Megumi taking the words out of your mouth. Itadori stares down at your arm, and so do you before taking it out of Megumi’s hold and hiding it away. The boy frowns at your action. 

“Oh. right.” Yuji nods quickly in understanding. 

“Well,” you hurry to break away the uncomfortable atmosphere of being the center of attention for too long, “We’re done for today, right? Let’s go grab some drinks”.

__________

It was a free day, and you’d all made plans to go shopping. Well, Nobara wanted to go shopping, Itadori wanted to go to the movies and Megumi was just tagging along. You didn’t mind shopping and actually wanted to buy a couple things. Also you wanted to spend some time with your friends just hanging out for a change. 

“So, is Gojo sensei like your dad or something?”  Itadori asked. You didn’t know what brought this topic of conversation. 

“Please do not say that in front of him.” Somewhere in Japan, Gojo sneezed. 

“Why not? He’s awesome!” 

“Definitely don’t say that in front of him either.” 

“I mean, yeah. I guess.” you spoke fondly, “He’s been taking care of me- of us since we’re little.” But what would he think if he heard you say something like this? 

When you got to the shopping district, you were dragged from store to store, both boys following you and chatting between themselves. 

“What about this one?” Nobara showed you another outfit. You nodded. She had a keen fashion sense. And a lot of bags already, apart from the ones the boys were holding, seating at the front while they waited. “You’re not trying on anything?” She wondered. 

“Oh, no.” you dismissed her, “I already got some stuff.” 

You’d bought a couple of sunglasses and some arm sleeves. It was getting hot to keep wearing long sleeve shirts all the time to hide your scars. 

“But I’m talking about clothes.” Nobara whined. “If you don’t buy some I’ll have to give you some of what I got. And I don’t want to.” 

You snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think they’re my style either.” 

Then, she spotted something behind you. “That’s perfect!” 

“What is it?” you smiled at her eagerness, turning to follow her line of sight. It was a very pretty black midi dress. Sleeveless, heart shaped neckline, layered skirt that bunched up nicely. 

“You have to try it on!” She practically shoved the dress into your hands and pulled you along with her towards the fitting rooms. 

“What am I even gonna use it for? Curse fighting?” 

“Don’t be silly. You can use it whenever. Like, next time we hang out.”

You hadn’t worn a dress in so long, probably since you were little and Gojo bought you clothes after taking you in. You remembered that day. It was one of your favorites. He’d brought Megumi and Tsumiki too. 

As she shoved you inside the small room and was making her way to another herself, she stopped at the door. At that moment, the little devil on her shoulder popped up. 

Megumi’s phone vibrated. Kugisaki was calling.

He picked it up. 

“What is it?” 

“We need your opinion on something. Wait outside the fitting rooms.” 

“You need both of us…?” 

“Just you is okay.” 

She hung up. 

“Hold this.” He threw more bags Itadori’s way, the poor boy practically buried in his seat on them. 

“Where are you going!” 

You stared at your reflection in the mirror. It really was a perfect dress. Turning slightly from side to side, you watched the skirt move lightly. You opened the door to show Nobara but she didn’t seem to be done yet. 

“Nobara?” 

“Y/n?” you heard Megumi’s voice just outside. 

“Megumi? What is it?” You turned the corner that led to the front.

Even if Megumi wanted to tell you right away a list of compliments, he couldn’t. You looked breathtaking. You watched his eyes go wide as he stared at you up and down. You laughed, bashful, fidgeting with your hands behind your back and swaying a little in place to show off the dress. “I know, I told Nobara it was too much. You needed something?” 

“No- Kugisaki- I mean. It’s just right, you look-”  Nobara smiled from where she was eavesdropping, unable to witness the scene without being spotted by you but with a very clear picture of Megumi’s reaction in her head. 

“Whoah! You look beautiful, y/n!” Yuuji appeared, beaming at you and somehow lifting his very occupied hands to give you a thumbs up. Megumi mentally kicked himself for blundering, seeing you now blushing over Yuji’s compliment. If only he’d been able to speak, he would’ve earned that reaction from you. Nobara facepalmed. “You think so too, right, Fushiguro?” He added, flashing a knowing grin at his friend who was probably blushing harder than you. 

“Yeah.” 

“Thank you, boys.” 

Then tragedy happened. Yuji lost hold of one of the bags and as he fumbled to get hold of it again, he succeeded. Only that the bag opened and one shirt hit the ground. 

You all froze, then Megumi reacted, picking up the shirt. Nobara wasn’t there. She wouldn’t notice. 

You were wrong. 

Maybe it was a sixth, or seventh sense, she heard the ruffle of the bags or the silence that followed was too loud. You didn’t know. 

“You idiots!” 

________

“How long have you liked Fushiguro?” You nearly choke on your water at that. Nobara and you were sitting on a bench next to the field outside, having been done practicing. Yuuji and Megumi were still at it, only because Yuji wouldn’t stop. “I’ve been meaning to ask for the past week but can’t seem to get those two out of our hair.” 

You opened your mouth only for her to cut you off, “If you say you don’t like him I swear it’s bull.” 

You closed it again, unsure of what to say now. When you were little kids, sure. It was true you had a little crush on Megumi. But it was just an innocent thing from back then.  Right? 

Bullshit. 

Not so deep down you knew you’d fallen for him. You knew he loved you just like you loved him, but you didn’t think he’d want to change how things were between you. You were just a friend to him. 

“He doesn’t love me like that.”  you entertained yourself fiddling with your arm sleeve. 

“Are you kidding me?” 

“What?” 

“He totally adores you. He looks at you like you hold the stars and the moon and the whole solar system.” 

You chuckled. “Even if that were true, I don’t think he wants a girlfriend. Especially if it’s me. Not when we do what we do.” 

“It is true. So what, you’re going to hold back just because you’re afraid? That’s a waste of time and worrying a whole lot about nothing.” 

You looked over at Megumi, who, as if he could tell you were looking at him, turned and gave you a small smile. Yuji noticed him looking over at the two of you and waved animatedly.

Nobara’s eyes softened looking at you, “He’s right there right now, you know?” 

___________

Itadori Yūji was dead. 

There’d been a mission. The sudden apparition of a cursed womb above Eishu Detention Center gave you no option but for you four to go tend to it, no sorcerer on par with a possible special grade curse available. 

Another special grade in what? Three weeks? 

The goal of the mission was to rescue five inmates that were still inside the second building. After, you’d head out. One instruction was clear: 

Do not engage in a fight. 

Yet right now, Megumi and Yuji were arguing. You’ve come into the second building and noticed things were very wrong right away. For a moment you were also trapped, but thanks to Megumi’s divine dogs you could find your way out of what looked like an Innate Domain. The gruesome sight of three mutilated bodies on the floor as you stepped further in only increased the tension.

“I know you’re keen on this idea of saving lots of people and guiding them to proper deaths. But think, how are you going to feel when someone you save goes on to kill someone else later?” 

“So? Why’d you bother saving me then?” 

“Guys! There’s-” 

“You both need to cut it out!” Nobara lost it too, “Ugh! What the hell is wrong with the two of you?Are you both idiots?” 

“Where’s Shiro? Megumi-” 

“This is hardly the time and place to be acting like-”

“Nobara!” You tried to reach her just before a pool of darkness appeared and swallowed her up. 

“Kugi…saki?” Itadori looked in your direction, meeting your scared expression. Then you gasped, bringing your hands up to your face, catching on to what Megumi was looking at. His divine dog had been destroyed.

“We have to run!” 

It was too late. The cursed spirit appeared right between the two boys, and they froze in place. 

Itadori snapped back first. He tried to attack the cursed spirit with Slaughter Demon but he didn’t get to, his hand getting severed and the dagger breaking in half. 

“Yūji-!” You felt a sudden surge of cursed energy and your eyes widened. You created a shield with your own cursed energy just in time before the special grade sent a pure blast of it out, you being right in its line of shot. It sent you stumbling back, almost hitting the wall on the other side. 

Itadori shouts your name. Megumi yanked him by his sleeve, trying not to trip over his own feet by trying to get to you as quickly as possible. 

“You okay?” You nodded hastily as they helped you back to your feet, still checking if you weren’t hurt. 

“Yūji, your hand-”

“We need to split up.” Itadori says, daring a glance at the special grade. It seemed to be taunting you. “Give you guys time to find Nobara and get out of here.” 

“We can’t stay! We’re not supposed to fight it!” Megumi yelled.

“We don’t have too many options. It’s not like it’s going to let us run away.” You look at him. 

“I can fight. Sukuna can.” Itadori corrects himself. “If I die, you die, right? So you’re helping.” He addresses it. 

“You’re wrong, boy. I still have 18 other pieces of my soul out there.” Sukuna mocks. “Oh, well. I can’t control this body, so do whatever you want. Just know that I’ll kill the punk and his girl before that curse gets a chance, then find the other one and do the same to her.” 

“I won’t let you do that.” Itadori says angrily. 

“Keep focusing on me and you are all dying anyway.” Sukuna says before he falls silent. 

“We can’t trust that guy. Let’s go!” 

“You have to go.” Itadori insisted, looking at both of you. “I’ll keep it busy while you get Kugisaki and get out. Once you’re safe, give me some sort of signal.” 

“You don’t stand a chance! Fighting that thing with one hand?!” 

“I’ll stay back with him.” You spoke up and both turned to look at you.

“No way.” Megumi refused, shaking his head to emphasize his point. “You’re not staying here. None of you are.”

“You can’t stop me.” You said decidedly. “It’ll be fine. If he switches with Sukuna I’ll sit back. Find Kugisaki and we’ll meet you outside.” 

Megumi shook his head again while you nodded, a hand on his cheek. “You better.” 

But you didn’t. You tried to coordinate with Yūji, shielding him every time he’d go for a hit while you tried to get close to be able to touch it and steal its cursed energy. You managed to do so once, and that got you to hit it back with it while Yūji landed a good punch. It wasn’t nearly enough. After that, it was onto you, but you realized it too late. It seemed to have figured to get rid of you first, and deliberately left an opening. Just as you were about to touch it, it swiftly got out of range and brought down his claw-like hand slashing through your torso. The scream that left you felt like it cut your throat, piercing and filling Yūji with dread, before the curse let out another blast of cursed energy at him and he was shot backwards and away, you unable to protect him.

He didn’t hear you when you quickly called out his name. All Itadori could hear was a ringing in his ears that tried to muffle Megumi’s words. He was right. You should’ve left him. And now you might die because you wanted to protect him. And he was going to die too. He didn’t want to die. Not like this. He used to think he was strong. Strong enough to save himself, to save others. To choose how he was gonna go out. 

“Yūji!” In a gap of clarity, he hears you cry out his name. “It’s Megumi’s signal!” 

You’re still on the floor, dragging your body trying to hide out. There’s a hand holding your middle, you feel the blood trickle out in alarming amounts with every strained movement. Your breathing is heavy. You sense it before you turn towards it. You see the black marks on its skin and when he opens his eyes, they’re red. Yūji’s out. 

It’s Sukuna.

You stop. Partly hoping he won’t perceive you if you stay as still as possible, partly because you’re dizzy now, tired and losing a lot of blood. It seems to be reflecting about something. Then it turns to you suddenly. 

You’re pretty sure it’s pathetic, the way you drag yourself back and away from it. Then you reach the border, tiny pieces or rubble falling onto the abyss below. Yūji’s still there, you remember. If Sukuna tries something Yūji will switch back. So you turn from the void and hold its stare as firmly as you can with your swirling head.

“You’re pretty beaten up.” It leans down and brings a hand up to grab your chin. You flinch, holding back a whimper. “It’ll be no fun to kill you like this now. You might just die as it is.” It grins. Then an idea flashes through its mind. “Unless…”

“Hey, you.” He calls to the cursed spirit. Even it’d frozen. Now, scared, it launches an attack at Sukuna. “You’re not very smart, are you?” It harshly lets go of its hold on you, fully turning towards the curse, sneering. 

There’s nothing you can do but watch as Sukuna finally takes on the cursed spirit. Only until he deploys his Domain Expansion. That’s when everything goes black. 

Megumi succeeds in getting Nobara and himself out. When she’s safe with Ijichi, he stays behind. He’s just about to go back in there. What if Itadori can’t switch back? What happens to you? What if he took too long and you’re both dead? 

Then he knows. The special grade must be dead. The Domain closed off. He’s hopeful that you and Itadori will come back safely. That is, until he senses something else. His breath gets stuck on his throat. Behind him. He quickly turns and everything crumbles to the ground. 

Sukuna’s holding you in its arms. You’re unconscious, your head lulling uncomfortably down, a river of blood coming out from a wound on your torso. He can’t tear his eyes away from it.

“Relax, she’s still alive. Barely.” The curse speaks. “If it wasn’t for her, the brat would’ve died before he could’ve switched with me.” 

“Itadori-”

“Oh he’s not coming back.” It smiles maliciously. “Really, I’m in such a good mood right now. You should focus on what’s important.” It really was enjoying the look on Megumi’s face, savoring the fear in it. “I could heal her.” 

Megumi studied him. Itadori’s hand. He’d healed it and overall looked just fine. But you were different. Last time you’d gotten close to it you almost died. He looked at your pale face, the red pooling on the floor. You were dying right now. “Why would you do that?” 

“Just for the hell of it.” 

Sukuna laid you down on the floor with surprising gentleness for a curse. Ripping the already ruined side of your uniform, it placed a hand over your wound, and Megumi watched as it began to close. The action ripped a pained scream out of you, for a moment alarming the boy before you were out again. When he looked down, the wound was gone, only fine, faint scars as tell you were ever hurt. 

Sukuna straightened up and Megumi rushed to kneel by your side. You were better now. You probably still needed to go to the hospital for further treatment. He looked up, “Itadori, you can switch up now-.” 

So rude. “I told you, he’s not coming back. The brat had it coming for trying to use me without making some kind of deal. He’s having a little trouble taking control.” 

“What are you-?” 

 Sukuna lifted a hand to bring through his chest, ripping Itadori’s heart out. ““I’m taking your friend hostage.” Then, it revealed another one of his fingers, swallowing it. The cursed spirit from back there should’ve had it. “For good measure. But I really don’t think he wants to die. You should’ve seen him crying back there.” 

“Now that I’m free, and since I did you a favor, you get to entertain me for a while just until you die. Or I can kill her too. A pity, after all that. Then kill you.” 

Next day, you deal with the aftermath. 

You all try to take in that Yūji is really gone, that none of you were able to do something more to get him out too. You’re also upset about Shiro and Orochi, and even though Megumi grumbles that you know shikigami aren’t pets and not exactly dead, you know he’s upset about it too. 

There’s another thing bothering you that will have to wait. But right now, you’re going to train with the seconds years, having to deal with an Exchange Event on top of it all.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Nobara took a drink of her water bottle, pausing for a moment after being thrown around by Panda. You were also stopping your reign of terror against poor Inumaki. He’d never seen you so aggressive before, even considered using his cursed speech to slow you down. Way to go spooking cute boys. “One of you should stop this routine of trying to sacrifice your lives for each other and confess that you’re in love instead.” Nobara didn’t want to wait. 

You didn’t want to bring it up at the moment. You were busy, so you tried to brush her off. “How could we be thinking about that after what just happened?” 

“You’re going to curse Itadori if you try to put this on him now.” 

“Guess y/n’s been keeping you on your toes, Megumi.” You heard Maki talk to the boy as they sparred. “You’ve gotten better.” With a grin, she smoothly spun around, landing a hit with her spear square in Megumi’s chest, making him fall back onto the ground with force, “Still, I win.” 

“God she is amazing.” Nobara fangirled while you nodded. 

“Oi! You two come back here!” The second year called. 

“We’re going to get our asses whipped.” You muttered before making your way to them.

After Maki gave you a beating -thankfully not as bad and disgraceful as the last time-, you practiced three against three. Rules were clear enough, or so everyone thought at first. First years against second years. Everything was valid as long as it didn’t end in needless injuries/threatened your lives. 

That was, until Megumi had accidentally sent a punch your way, mistaking you for one of the second years. You’d managed to dodge it, but you’d snapped, and you were now aiming for him. 

He raised his hands to block your punches, surprised at the fury behind them, “Hey, I’m sorry! I thought you were-What are you doing-!” 

Everyone else stopped to watch, stunned by your not so sudden outrage. They’d noticed you’d been acting odd before but figured it had something to do with the outcome of yesterday’s mission. They weren’t entirely wrong. 

All Megumi could do was dodge and try to parry you, lost as to the reason for your hostility. He got a grip on both of your forearms, finally restraining you, “Y/n what the hell?!”

You swiftly lowered yourself, one of your legs sticking out as you spun and took Megumi down. 

Behind you, the others displayed a variety of reactions. 

Nobara had her arms crossed, chin up, frowning at Megumi even though the boy couldn’t see it. That’s what you get. She resisted the urge of shouting at you to beat him up further. 

Maki was grinning, someone might say a little wickedly, while inside she felt a little proud seeing the improvement of your movements. 

Toge whistled, impressed (and thankful this time around he was not your target).

And Panda stared, jaw slack and like the others -except Nobara-, with no idea of what was happening.

“I should ask you that!” You scoffed, unamused, staring down at him. “What were you thinking?! Following a curse’s whim letting it heal me and then in exchange you fight it?!” 

His eyes widened as he sat up, “You weren’t supposed to know that.”

“Yeah, because if it wasn’t bad enough already, you were also going to keep things from me.” 

“How did you-”

“That’s not important!” 

“I was thinking of saving you!” He shouted back, then his breath got caught when he noticed you were crying. He stood up, rushing over to you but you backed away. 

“And what? You die instead? What’d make you think I’d be okay with that?” 

“It could have killed me anyway.” 

“Then we both died!” You exclaimed, “What if Yūji didn’t switch back when he did? It wouldn’t have been just him that I couldn’t do anything for.” Your voice broke, “I could’ve lost you too. You’d think you’d saved me but I’d be just as gone.” 

You looked at him a moment longer, before you turned and hurried away. 

Frustrated, Megumi debated whether to follow you or not. Of course you would be upset for what he did, but he’d meant it and was not going to apologize for doing whatever it took at that moment to not lose you. When you didn’t show up for lunch, he decided to at least make sure you ate something. There was no answer when he knocked on the door to your room. He thought you were just ignoring him when he called, so he opened it to find that you weren’t there.

You’d shut yourself in one of the empty classrooms, figuring that no one would show up there. Your stomach growled and you sighed, looking out the window with your head resting on top of your arms that were on top of your knees. You really should go eat something after all that training. You were starving.

Scuffing noises against the door startled you on your seat. Pushing your legs away from your chest, you slowly stood up and walked over to find the source of it. 

The best delivery boy, Megumi’s divine dog, was at the other side of the door. You couldn’t help but chuckle as you crouched down to be at its level, a few stray tears falling. “This is so cheating, don’t you think?” 

Love brought conflicting feelings. Even though you were upset, it still warmed your chest that Megumi gave you space while still being caring. 

The students from Kyoto showed up, taking the opportunity of the principal coming over to go over the Exchange Event plans. It wouldn’t be a big deal, if it weren’t for their intentions of provoking them. 

Nobara instantly got roped with Mai, Maki’s twin sister. You stood up to your friend’s side, wary of the second year. You gritted your teeth when she started talking about Yūji. 

Then there was Aoi Todo. 

With a question very off topic. 

“What kind of woman’s your type?” 

Is he for real?

“Yeah, Fushiguro, why don’t you tell us your type?” Nobara decided to join in, fighting a knowing grin to try and sound innocent. You knew better than that. You elbowed her. 

Megumi, without really catching up to what he was doing, looked over at you. Your eyes widened for a second that you hope wasn’t enough for him to notice before he turned to the third year. Aoi had noticed this little interaction and was grinning, already expecting an answer.

“Why would I want to discuss my taste in women? Especially with you, a guy I just met?”  

Todo’s grin faltered, “C’mon. It’s clear you have your eye in one.”  

“What are you talking about?” 

“You haven’t acted on it?” 

Megumi stuttered, not sure what the deal was with the guy. It’s not like it was his business. Much less that he was going to confess anything right there like that.

Then this guy started tearing up. “I knew it. You’re boring, Fushiguro.” 

______________

Itadori Yūji  was not dead. 

He had just sprung up in front of everyone like a jack-in-the-box right before the Exchange Event started. 

You stood there petrified in place while the boy panicked by how your faces paled and fell. Not the reaction he was expecting apparently. As if coming back from the dead was the norm. 

Nobara was the first to snap back, seemingly ready to pounce on him and beat him up, but there were tears in her eyes, giving away that she was happy to see him. Megumi stared at her before you stared at each other. You could see he was happy too, and unlike Nobara, you did start crying, making Yūji jump out from the box frantically. But they were happy tears. Megumi smiled softly at you while you squeezed the air out of the pink haired boy in a hug. You could be tough but you were such a cry baby too.

Nobara did punch Itadori eventually (she couldn’t do much more. There was an Event they had to win so she couldn’t outshape him too badly). 

“So,” Itadori began, whispering loudly to Nobara, still holding up the memorial photo frame before his face, “How are those two doing?” Thank goodness you weren’t at earshot. 

“Terrible. And you dying didn’t help exactly.” The girl reproached. 

“Well, sorry for getting my heart ripped out.” 

The first competition: 

The Wacky Cursed Spirit Exorcism Race.

Megumi with his shikigami, and you, would be the best scouts. Thus, they’d split in groups to cover ground quicker, Maki with him, you with Nobara and Toge with Panda. Yūji was left to deal with Todo. Something about how the Kyoto students proceeded, though, told you something was off. All of them seemed to be targeting Itadori. 

Hunting the curse spirit be damned. Everyone then went after a different target. 

One thing about you was: 

Your sense of direction sucked. So when Nobara got blown away by a strong gust of wind product of the girl with the broom from Kyoto, and you ended up alone in the woods, you feared you might’ve been lost. That would be the case, if you didn’t have cursed energy to guide you. So following your senses, you went along like that as you’d been doing for the event. There were people everywhere using cursed energy so it was difficult to pick a direction. And there were still the curses you were supposed to be hunting. A certain wave of cursed energy stood out the strongest, so you followed it thinking it could possibly be the second grade cursed spirit. Still, if you couldn’t reach Itadori or fight any of the Kyoto students, winning this thing would be good for yourself and the others. Nobara wanted to help Maki, and so did you. 

“Run.” The voice echoed through. 

“Inumaki senpai?” Your eyes found the source of the voice before he was running in your direction, a startled look on his face as he pulled you along and your body finally followed his command. You dared a glance back to try and figure out what made Inumaki react this way, the source of the strong cursed energy you felt still overwhelmingly near. That’s when you saw it, what was for sure a special grade curse. Its body was white, a cloth over where its left arm should be, two black lines zigzagging its face vertically, with two small branches where eyes usually are. 

This battle was full of curveballs. 

Inumaki reached the buildings where Fushiguro and Kamo were fighting. They’d stopped as soon as they heard an explosion, big branches shooting up by work of the curse. He’d lost you at some point while dodging the curse’s attacks. When he joined the other two, they noticed he obviously was preoccupied by the situation, but there was something else by the way he kept looking around as if something else might pop out of nowhere. 

“Is there another one?” Megumi asked him. Toge shook his head. He didn’t know that. 

“Was there someone else with you?” Was Kamo’s guess. With wide worried eyes, he turned to Megumi. 

You’ve just reached the river when something comes crashing in your direction. It’s the curse. It’s attacking you the moment it spots you. You shield yourself with cursed energy before any of its projectiles hit you. Its body is too tough for your knives to hurt it, but Megumi’s shikigami comes to your help and then both him and Maki gang up on it. 

It happens too fast when Megumi’s hit, a curse bud growing from his stomach. Maki gets distracted and she’s hit too but still she goes to fight while you check up on Megumi. You’d kept your calm, and quickly had resolved what you had to do. 

“What are you doing?” Megumi winces when you place your hands near where the curse sprout is. 

“That thing said it feeds off cursed energy.” He has good control of his cursed energy output, but you use your ability to steal whatever much left you can to reduce its effect. 

“That’s enough- You need to stop. Y/n-”  you’re so focused, his voice becomes background noise when you turn to see how Maki is doing. She dropped Playful Cloud after one of the curses hits and now it has her caught on one of its branches.

You face them both fully, all of the cursed energy making your body buzz with euphoria. With a pure blast of it, you break the branch holding Maki and send the curse a few feet away. That’s enough time for backup to come. Soon, you spot Yūji and Todo.

You sigh before your legs give out. 

“Shit, shit, why the hell did you do that?” Megumi stumbles on his feet, falling to his knees again by your side before having to prop himself up on his elbow when he tumbles to the side. He hovers over you, the last flash of silver leaving your eyes, blood coming out of your nose. 

You laugh and he thinks you might be delirious. “Why do you do it, Megumi?” 

“Because I love you!” He’s crying, some of his tears falling on your cheeks. 

Your eyes are wide in surprise and wonder product of his words. You bring a hand up to brush the tears away and cup his face with a soft smile on your face. “Then you know why I do it.” 

His love for you had always been steady. With how your lives were, he’d kept holding back from his heart’s demand to try new ways of loving you. He couldn’t stand it anymore. Whether you were the one that saved him or killed him. 

Megumi leans down and presses his lips to yours, eyes shut tight while you melt onto him. Warmth spreads from your chest and you swear you feel it all in the space between you, under the palm of your hand that still caresses his face tenderly. 

He breaks away but stays close. You meet his eyes. 

“I love you, Megumi.”  

Your hand falls and it splashes on the water, your eyes fluttering close. 

“No.” He whimpers before he chokes on the sobs trying to shake out of his chest and falls into a coughing fit, blood trickling out of his mouth from the corner of his lips. He falls completely, laying by your side as he caresses your face. His vision goes blurry, lightheaded and teary eyed, before everything disappears.

You feel a weight on your hand. You squint your eyes open, and tilting your head you come face to face with a sleeping Megumi. His hand is clasped in yours between your bodies. You’re in your room. You bring your hands up to leave a kiss on his. The tiny action seems to be enough to wake him up, eyelids fluttering open slowly. He’s fully awake when he sees you are too.

“Hi.” 

A beat passes. His face scrunches up and you do your best to hold back a laugh. “ ‘Hi’?” 

“What is it?” 

“You think you can just say ‘hi’ after passing out right after you said you loved me?” 

“I was just tired.” you giggled and he stared at you incredulously.

Oh my God, he was sulking over that. 

“I tell you I love you all the time, Megumi.” 

“That- It was different.” You were getting to him but you couldn’t help but push further.

“Wanna hear it again?” 

He didn’t answer, but the pink hue of his cheeks was enough for you.

“I love you.” 

He hid his beautiful face on the crook of your neck, leaving a kiss, his spiky hair tickling your skin making you giggle again.

“Ah- They’re both awake!” Itadori shouted from the doorway, and Kugisaki peered from over his shoulder. The pink haired boy was holding two pizza boxes and the girl was carrying a bag with their drinks. 

You hadn’t had an easy life. But Megumi had you, and you had him. You would always fight for each other. And you had good friends, a family. You didn’t know what the future might bring you, but right now this was okay.

A/N: Hello first jjk fic I’m nervous. This is the longest fic I’ve ever written (if you take my hq!! inako series separately. Btw if you like hq!! you can check those out :D). I learned that a problem when fics start to get long it’s not that it’s long but not being sure where to stop. If you’re overdoing it or if you missed a chance to add a certain scene. Let’s see if this doesn’t flop. Not that it matters much if it does bc I just might still write more XD. The title of this fic came from a tweet that said that, that someone had quoted with pictures of Clancy and Torchbearer LMAO (yes I’m a tøp fan) and I thought oh shit that really fits this one. To everyone reading a big, big thank you!!

Notes:

I thought the first place they’d put you in if you said you were seeing such things as cursed spirits would be the loony bin 😭. So yeah, that first thought resulted in the birth of this fic. 

I kinda got a little inspired by Maggie Evans/Victoria Winters from “Dark Shadows” (2012) for reader’s backstory.

Your family had been on the sorcerers’ radar for a while. Once Gojo graduated he’d stumbled upon a file that mentioned the case and learned about your family. That led him to you.

Gojo takes you in months after becoming the Fushiguro’s guardian.

Gojo releases Infinity just a beat before you jump to hug him. He’d only released it so you could reach for his hand before (techniques are tricky for me either because I’m stupid or bc I really haven’t read the manga (I’ve been freely seeing spoilers tho lmao so I have an idea of what’s going on) and I take they’re better explained in it (?). I assume he can focus Infinity to certain parts of his body like I saw on Gojo's past arc episodes).  

You practically start living at Jujutsu High and get your own room there. When he’s out for missions there would be someone around to check up on you.

Yes, Gojo did your ponytails.

Since Gojo had taken in Megumi months prior, he’d already begun training. His technique had already begun manifesting too.

You’re wearing some of Megumi’s clothes that he’d left behind at Jujutsu High and are now too small for him until Gojo gets you clothes. 

That scene is so cute to me but my brain can’t help but go, “Can I pet that dawg?” every time and I end up laughing like an idiot.

You were confused and overwhelmed by the manifestation of your cursed technique, that’s why you didn’t mention anything because you really didn’t understand it. It was something new after all. That was also paired with your fear of losing them. You weren’t used to having people around that understood what you were going through. Last time you’d ended up in an institution. 💀

The permanent look of worry on your face that your bullies notice comes from you worrying about Megumi fighting, unlike the one that came from spotting curses when you were little and didn’t understand.

Stupid bullies hit the jackpot with you because Gojo gave you a generous allowance for the week.

 Nobody at school really knew you were close to Megumi because they hadn’t seen you two hang out together there.

Gojo being a proud dad about you beating up a boy. He’d probably have given you the okay earlier on. Something like, “If they start a fight you end it.” 

Megumi might’ve gotten punched due to the fact that you were involved. He got distracted by you getting hurt and threatening the guy (he wasn’t much of a talker while beating someone up usually).

Looking up facts about Tsumiki made me learn more things about what happened to her (more or less, just skimming through articles and spoiling myself about things beyond s2 lol) and damn isn’t it messed up.

Megumi got scared, thinking what happened to Tsumiki could’ve happened to you. That's why he freaked out when you wouldn’t respond. Just you being a heavy sleeper. Don’t hate meee.

It’s probably stupid but my birthday is in fact 11 days before Megumi’s and when I found out I thought it was cute yk, like Dec. 11 and 22 (do you see what I mean? probably not 😆) so I brought it up here. Also, that makes reader and Gojo (and me)  both sagittarius hehe. Father and daughter (just like, if it wasn’t funny enough, me and my dad (but he’s a Nov. sagi).

You dropped your technique right before Yūji ran past you both. The curse energy coming from him was alarmingly strong enough to be sensed purely without it like any other sorcerer (I mean that much is canon but I’m trying to emphasize my next point lol). If you hadn’t done so and had felt the curse energy coming from him using your technique you probably would’ve passed out right there from exhausting yourself.

I really don’t know if reader’s technique is making sense but imma try to explain what I came up with: First off, I kinda set my mind on Inej from Six of Crows and Noor from MPHFPC and thought about cursed energy like how they put chakra points on Naruto. Omg I know it’s a lot of different things I’m stupid but hear me out JAJA. Reader has a much more acute sense of cursed energy than others. She can actually see it coursing through people’s and curses’ bodies, also cursed tools. Basically anything that has it. Being so, she can see the strongest points where it flows and attack an opponent targeting those, hindering their curse energy flow and weakening them. She uses this in two ways: Weapons: daggers are her go to choice for long range battles (and if she doesn’t hit a particularly strong curse energy body region she still hurts them). For close combat she’d prefer to use a sword or the second way: her bare hands. She can just touch an opponent and extract their cursed energy for her own use. Since she has yet to master manipulating cursed energy that way, she doesn’t use it much. If she takes a little, she can control it better, reducing her own and adapting, or she can burn it off by attacking with it right away with a pure cursed energy hit. If she takes too much she gets like cursed energy “high”, wearing her off considerably afterwards. And if it is from a first grade or a special grade just a small intake could be too much she’ll most likely end up hurt. Other symptoms she may feel by using her technique for long periods are strong headaches, eye sensitivity, mental and physical weariness. Worse case scenario is her body giving out. Her technique is especially successful against opponents without exceptional physical strength cuz she’ll steal or hinder their cursed energy and they’re done for. Another thing she’s currently working on: “ storing”cursed energy (either some of her own or “stolen”): not having to burn it off right away and have like, a reserve. If she’s in battle with a partner and they’re running  low on curse energy, she could transfer some to them (reader being like miss cursed energy battery or smth like that lol). I haven’t thought about her domain expansion but I don’t think I’ll need it for this fic. 💀 I just put too much thought behind her technique probably, and idek if it would make sense in the jjk verse lol. Idk if it makes sense as it is in this fic. But just in case I expand the world of this fic and do more works using these traits I have all this and I’ll have to invent a DE pfff. Basically making an oc. Also there’s more details like what Megumi mentions about you being able to turn on your technique without actually “stealing” cursed energy but sensing its flow. To you it feels like you’re feeling the person’s or cursed spirit’ s essence/personality/conscience. You could say their core or soul but that’s not exactly it, that’s Mahito’s thing JAJA but you’re close enough. That’s why Megumi’s calms you down aaaand that’s why Sukuna fucked you up. 

Your cursed energy shines white. I made that up bc, yk, Megumi with his 10 shadows and reader looking like she’s casting “light”. Totally unimportant XD

There’s always a report after missions. Megumi had recounted what happened but asked if they could leave the details about what happened with Sukuna and him out when they briefed you on it. Gojo told on him when he went to check up on you. Nobara was there.

Reader is a hypocrite getting mad about Megumi risking his life for hers while she be around doing the same thing lololol. 

Anyways, I just wanted to write that scene of Megumi summoning Shiro to comfort reader while Gojo adopted another kid and ended up with a whole fic with no plans and no direction. Just typed awaaay jaja

Me and music go together as some may alr know so here’s a few songs I thought about while writing this: 

 . Peak of Despair by Jake Stark, MITTY

 . Numb to the Feeling by Chase Atlantic (how the fuck, you may ask. I took out the drugs and the horny out of it JAJA)

. DIE FOR ME by Chase Atlantic (pretty much the same case stated above)

. Saving Flowers by salute, Rina Sawayama

. Soft Spot by keshi 

(If there was something else not mentioned here that you’re curious about or stood out to you hit the ask button <3. Thank you for reading up to this point!) 

Until next time, 

Youmarin <3

[iamnmbr3]

Thoughts on Drarry and post war relationship?

Like, with canon in mind, do you think that Harry would fall first, Draco would or it'd be at the same time?

And who do you think would act on those feelings first and how would the Wizarding world react to the great Harry Potter being in love with a Death Eater?

Because I always viewed Harry as someone that knows what he wants and won't shy away from it, whereas Draco might have a harder time with all of it due to the fact he is a Death Eater, and while I don't think there's actual evidence of it, I always thought he'd feel unworthy of forgiveness and love after the war, so I think that if Harry fell for him Draco would try to push him away.

Sorry it these are two many questions for just one convo but I'm curious on your thoughts

What an absolutely delightful ask! I love getting things like this in my inbox. Definitely not too many questions. Thanks for waiting till I had a chance to sit down and write out a proper answer.

I think it's quite possible that by partway through 7th year Draco was forced to come to terms with the fact that he has feelings for Harry Potter. Strong feelings. Once in a lifetime love feelings in fact. He's tried to run from it and he just can't anymore. Oh he's not foolish enough to think anything will ever come of it. Even if by some miracle they both survive the war he knows he ruined any chance of that long ago. But he does have to face the fact (which he's been hiding from for so long) that the feelings are there. (Meanwhile Harry's too busy compartmentalizing as hard as he can because he's got a war to fight).

And then the war ends and he goes right back to denial - trying to insist to himself that he's over it, he's moved on, he has. Because the alternative is too painful to deal with. Though when he meets Harry again - whether in 8th year or after - he can't help caring more than ever what Harry thinks of him. If they meet again many years later maybe Draco's even given up on trying to convince himself he'll ever be over Harry. He's in unrequited love with Harry Potter. It's just a fact of life, a tragic and painful condition he lives with (though he'd just die if anyone found out). Of course Harry would never want him but it's terribly important to him that Harry at least not think that he is who he used to be. He goes to great lengths to show Harry that he's changed because he needs Harry to know that much at least. Even though he knows it probably hardly matters because ultimately he's just a footnote in Harry's life. It's not like Harry thinks about him.

Harry, of course, thinks about Draco. A lot. Somehow in the aftermath of it all his mind keeps going back to Draco (and also their lives somehow keep intersecting) - returning the wand, thinking about how Draco saved him, maybe inexplicably missing the hawthorn wand a bit, speaking at Draco's trial, perhaps exchanges of letters in the aftermath. And beyond that. Harry can't help notice Draco anytime he's in his vicinity. Can't help reading and remembering any article about him. Can't help wondering what he's up to and making it his business to find out. And when they finally do start interacting regularly he can't help being struck by how much Draco has changed and how enjoyable he actually is to be around in a strange way, and how Draco no longer treats him badly but does still treat him as a person and not a mythical, nearly godlike figure.

Of course, this is not to say that I think they would just immediately fall into each other's arms while Harry quotes the best drarry metas at any doubters. I personally find it jarring and ooc when fics have Harry suddenly hate Draco postwar and be mad that he didn't go to Azkaban and have to be talked around by his friends who are somehow all besties with Draco while Harry is the outlier, because Harry never hated Draco even when he had the most cause to and felt more sympathy for him than others and even lied to obfuscate his crimes. So I don't think that makes sense.

But I also don't think it makes sense for Harry to just immediately act like besties with Draco postwar and start talking about him like he's swallowed a dozen tumblr metas. Because that doesn't feel true to life either. Yes they're drawn to each other. Yes postwar a lot of the barriers keeping them apart are gone. But it would still take time to get over the past contentiousness between them. Harry would need to see that Draco had changed. Especially if we're talking 8th year when emotions are still running high and all their wounds are fresh.

Or even later. I can see Harry initially being suspicious of Draco. I can see Draco caring way too much what Harry thinks of him but that emotion translating into him lashing out when that's the last thing he actually wants to do. Because that's what he tends to do when he's feeling vulnerable. I can see Harry being way too upset and disappointed if he thinks Draco might not have changed, while his friends wonder why he's taking it so personally. And I can see Harry, who is way more introspective than he often gets credit for, starting to think hard about his relationship with Draco and why what Draco does post-war matters to him quite so much.

He might tell himself he's investigating Draco for the safety of others, or even for Draco's own good so he doesn't waste the chance Harry gave him. But it's more than that. And if Harry realizes that Draco's in trouble somehow he's resolved to help. He's tired of the fight. And Draco feels the need to thank Harry somehow, to show him he's changed. Though he's also mystified about why Harry would speak up for him yet again, when he's already done so much. Except of course Harry would do that. Because he's just a good person like that isn't he? Draco was just too busy being jealous and spiteful over something he could never have to notice wasn't he? (It's way more than that of course; Draco has never been just another person to Harry).

Anyway they are always drawn to each other and they always find each other. In 8th year if they go back to Hogwarts or through letters or some other way otherwise. And however many years pass before it happens they both live rent free in each other's heads. Awkward and stilted conversations become less awkward over time and leads to joking that each finds surprisingly enjoyable and then more conversations and confidences and each finding it increasingly difficult to not notice how handsome the other is. And well, one thing leads to another. Harry's the first one to make a move because Draco would never. Even if he thinks the feeling is reciprocated he assumes it's just too impossible given who he is. It would ruin Harry's life.

Even once they get together Draco assumes this will have to be no more than a fling, a dirty shameful secret that Harry will probably regret someday. Harry's not buying that. He doesn't care what the public thinks and never has. And he tells Draco so.

When it inevitably eventually hits the press obviously a lot of the coverage is not kind. Eventually Harry starts to wonder if maybe Draco cares. And he actually pulls a Quibbler 2.0 and gives an interview and by the end of the week the public is obsessed with the epic story of 2 star crossed lovers. Of course, for some Draco's past can never be forgiven and Harry can never be forgiven for associating with him. But Harry doesn't care. He never asked people to look up to him in the first place.

Other people though are thrilled by the story of their epic romance. It's got rivals to lovers caught on the opposite sides of a war, it's got redemption, it's got drama, it's got heartbreak. What's not to like? Sure a lot of the details get mangled. But it works out alright in the end. And eventually as the years and decades go by it's just another story that was big in the day but is now just a fact of life.

[gingiekittycat]

I miss the narrator

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I miss the narrator from Good Omens season 1.

I will admit, when I first watched the show it threw me a bit. Sure, the narrator's jokes were funny, but I thought that as a story-telling device it was distracting. There was just so much of it all the time, and it often felt out of place. And when I went to look up reviews online, it seemed a lot of people agreed: if there ever was a season 2, the narrator had to go.

But THEN.

THEN.

Then I read the book.

And I realized: the narrator is the footnotes. It's the little jokes in between the plot. In descriptions, in metaphors, in transitions. The narrator is what makes the magic of the novel.

The narrator is the authors.

More specifically, the narrator is Terry.

Terry's influence on the novel, on the story; Terry's influence in the way he and Neil wrote the book. Neil has said before somewhere (I will find the source eventually and add it) that he was writing in Terry's style when he co-wrote the novel. And it shows; to me, when I read Good Omens, I was reading a Terry Pratchett novel. At the time, I had no previous experience with reading Terry's work, and the only novel I'd read of Neil's was American Gods. And in my opinion, Good Omens reads nothing like American Gods.

In subsequently reading more of Terry's work, it became even clearer to me that the narrator in the show was Neil's way of keeping Terry in the story. And maybe it WAS clunky in a visual medium, maybe it WAS distracting, jarring. But it was also hilarious, and whimsical, and playful, and fun. And I don't see how Neil could have done without it and still stayed so true to the novel. The jokes, the metaphors, the descriptions, the footnotes; this is what makes Good Omens what it is.

There was no narrator in season 2.

I will say up front that, overall, I enjoyed season 2. It had so many funny moments, and so many thought-provoking, poignant moments too. It used some dialog from the first book (looking at you Resurrectionists minisode) to remind us why Good Omens is not just a romp between an angel and demon, but also a philosophical, thought-provoking piece of media. It had a lot of Pratchett-esque moments; the Job minisode stood out to me here. The end was, of course, emotional and gutting, but I like emotional and gutting (anyone who has read my fics knows this). But... I found myself missing the narrator. 

I missed Terry.

And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was even on purpose. Maybe the lack of narrator really is illustrating the fact that, when Terry died, he left a hole in the world that can never be filled. You can't make the same show you would have made had Terry been alive. You can't even try. You can make your own thing, you can make it amazing in its own right, but you can't make it the same. And, all said and done, I think that's a very important commentary on grief. When you lose something, or someone, you're not the same as you were before; and it hurts, but you change, you adapt, you grow. Eventually, you make something new.

So... do I want there to be a narrator in season 3?

That's a good question. I think I would accept both outcomes. However, knowing that season 3 is supposed to be the sequel Neil and Terry plotted, I think it would be appropriate to have a narrator this time around. True, we have no novel to base it off of; we don't have any of Terry's footnotes, his metaphors, his jokes. But we have Neil, whom Terry influenced while writing the original novel; we have Neil writing in Terry's style, putting himself in Terry's shoes for a moment (his hat, his scarf). We have Neil, who loved Terry, who has in part made this show as a labor of love, because he promised Terry he would, and he's going to keep that promise. We have Neil to remind us why we love Good Omens in the first place.

And I think having a narrator in season 3 would be a wonderful way to illustrate that. 

[aziraphales-library]

are there any WIP or long post s2 fics you guys are keeping an eye on? I want to get into something for the long haul! love you guys, thank you!!

I don't read WIPs myself, though I have a couple bookmarked for once they're complete. Here are some long ones for you, which may or may not be completed by the time this posts...

Flaws by indigo (E) (WIP) (now complete)

Aziraphale cannot just sit back and hope any longer; Crowley is too precious to him to allow any risk at all to his continued existence. The Metatron's offer was far too good to pass by, and even if Crowley refuses to see it, Aziraphale needs to take this chance to make Heaven into the place of light and good that it should be. Crowley will come around eventually, the angel knows that impetuosity was always one of his flaws. But what of Aziraphale's flaws? Naivety, perhaps? I am jumping into the post S2 whirlpool with my own thoughts on What Happened Next. Whilst I have every confidence that NG will FIX THIS, I have some fears that Amazon will leave us hanging... and anyway, I want my happiness for them NOW, not in another four years... Angst in places, but they will end up on the same page, eventually! At least one update a week for now, settling into weekly updates by September.

how do we turn on the light? by moonyinpisces (M) (WIP)

Aziraphale ascends to the highest level of the Archangels. And he remembers—well. It’s not important what he remembers.

The End of My World Is You by T_O_S_T_E, WeepingintheTARDIS (G) (WIP)

If finding the Truth means the end of the Universe… would you still proceed? Something’s Up, and that something is the Second Coming. Although many people - sorry, angels - seem to be involved, there’s only one among them who knows what’s really cooking in the hot oven called ‘the Great Plan’. Although — only one?

Don't Fall Away From Me by PhoenixRose314 (M) (WIP)

if i fall, on that day, i only pray don't fall away from me. What if there was much more to Aziraphale and Crowley's history than Crowley remembers? What if there had been an "our side" even before the Fall? What if Aziraphale's guilt was the only thing keeping them apart for the last six thousand years? And what if the only thing that could pull them back together again was the firm belief of a plucky little angel-turned-human-bookseller that love really does conquer all? Don't Fall Away From Me is a post Season-2 Good Omens fic that rotates perspectives between Muriel, Crowley and Aziraphale.

Are We Meant to Read the Footnotes? by RiaTheDreamer (T) (WIP)

After Aziraphale’s decision, Crowley chooses coffee, not death. Life goes, painfully, on, and Crowley does his best to adapt to his new lonely existence. It hurts. Until it suddenly doesn’t. Someone has opened the Book of Life and erased Aziraphale’s name. Old habits kick in, but how can Crowley save someone whose existence has been destroyed and forgotten?

- Mod D

[polutrope]

The Third Kinslaying

A Silmarillion question that never ceases to trouble me, and for which I am not sure I will ever come up with an answer that satisfies me: What were Maedhros and Maglor’s justifications for taking Elrond and Elros after the sack of Sirion? 

I know many people are satisfied with emotion-based reasoning, but that alone just doesn’t work for me personally. I read Maedhros and Maglor at this point in the narrative as very tormented, yes, but still capable of weighing logic and emotion at the same time. I also don't think the tone of the text supports outright villainy and ruthlessness (though that's a valid hc, especially from a non-Feanorian pov).

I’m not going to dive into my interpretation (I’m writing a fic for that), but I wanted to share the evidence and highlight what I think is the (Doylist) explanation for why the question is such a tough one to crack: None of Tolkien’s drafts covering this event* took the character of Gil-galad (or Círdan, though he was a character and not ret con'd like G-g) into consideration. He was simply not a factor in any of the versions published in HoMe. 

If you’re like me and love the ‘textual archaeology’ of figuring out how the published text was derived (and since I bothered to type them all up) here are all the drafts of the third kinslaying alongside the published Silm. (There's good stuff in here for enjoyers of Elwing, Maedhros, and Maglor, too -- and haters of Amrod and Amras lol.)

*unless there are unpublished notes or notes that have evaded me somewhere

Book of Lost Tales (late 1910s/early 1920s)

In BoLT, the Havens are sacked by Melko. 

Sketch of the Mythology (1926-30)

The sons of Fëanor learning of the dwelling of Elwing and the Nauglafring [=Nauglamir] had come down on the people of Gondolin. In a battle all the sons of Fëanor save Maidros [footnote: > Maidros and Maglor] were slain, but the last folk of Gondolin destroyed or forced to go away and join the people of Maidros [footnote: Written in the margin: Maglor sat and sang by the sea in repentance]. Elwing cast the Nauglafring into the sea and leapt after it [footnote: My father first wrote Elwing cast herself into the sea with the Nauglafring, but changed it to Elwing cast the Nauglafring into the sea and leapt after it in the act of writing], but was changed into a white sea-bird by Ylmir [=Ulmo], and flew to seek Eärendel, seeking about the shores of the world. Their son (Elrond) who is half-mortal and half-elfin [footnote: This sentence was changed to read: Their son (Elrond) who is part mortal and part elfin and part of the race of the Valar], a child, was saved however by Maidros.”

The Quenta Noldorinwa (1930)

I

The dwelling of Elwing at Sirion’s mouth, where still she possessed the Nauglafring and the glorious SIlmaril, became known to the sons of Fëanor; and they gathered together from their wandering hunting-paths. But the folk of Sirion would not yield that jewel which Beren had won and Lúthien had worn, and for which fair Dior had been slain. And so befell the last and cruellest slaying of Elf by Elf, the third woe achieved by the accursed oath; for the sons of Fëanor came down upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath, and though some of their folk stood aside and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords, yet they won the day. Damrod [=Amrod] was slain and Díriel [=Amras], and Maidros and Maglor alone now remained of the Seven; but the last of the folk of Gondolin were destroyed or forced to depart and join them to the people of Maidros. And yet the sons of Fëanor gained not the Silmaril; for Elwing cast the Nauglafring into the sea, whence it shall not return until the End; and she leapt herself into the waves, and took the form of a white sea-bird, and flew away lamenting and seeking for Eärendel about all the shores of the world. But Maidros took pity upon her child Elrond, and took him with him, and harboured and nurtured him, for his heart was sick and weary with the burden of the dreadful oath.”

II

Upon the havens of Sirion new woe had fallen. The dwelling of Elwing there, where still she possessed the Nauglafring [footnote: > Nauglamir at both occurrences] and the glorious SIlmaril, became known to the remaining sons of Fëanor, Maidros and Maglor and Damrod and Díriel; and the gathered from their wandering hunting-paths, and messages of friendship and yet stern demand they sent unto Sirion. But Elwing and the folk of Sirion would not yield that jewel which Beren had won and Lúthien had worn, and for which Dior the Fair was slain; and least of all while Eärendel their lord was in the sea, for them seemed that in that jewel lay the gift of bliss and healing that had come upon their houses and their ships. And so came in the end to pass the last and cruellest of the slayings of Elf by Elf; and that was the third of the great wrongs achieved by the accursed oath. For the sons of Fëanor came down upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath and destroyed them. Though some of their folk stood aside, and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords (for such was the sorrow and confusion in the hearts of Elfinesse in those days), yet Maidros and Maglor won the day. Alone they now remained of the sons of Fëanor, for in that battle Damrod and Díriel were slain; but the folk of Sirion perished of fled away, or departed of need to join the people of Maidros, who claimed now the lordship of all the Elves of the Outer Lands. And yet Maidros gained not the Silmaril, for Elwing seeing that all was lost and her child Elrond [footnote: > her children Elros and Elrond] taken captive, eluded the host of Maidros, and with the Nauglafring upon her breast she cast herself into the sea, and perished as folk thought. [...] But great was the sorrow of Eärendel and Elwing for the ruin of the havens of Sirion, and the captivity of their sons, for whom they feared death, and yet it was not so. For Maidros took pity upon Elrond, and he cherished him, and love grew after between them, as little might be thought; but Maidros’ heart was sick and weary [footnote: This passage was rewritten thus: But great was the sorrow of Eärendel and Elwing for the ruin of the havens of Sirion, and the captivity of their sons; and they feared that they would be slain. But it was not so. For Maglor took pity upon Elros and Elrond, and he cherished them, and love grew after between them, as little might be thought; but Maglor’s heart was sick and weary &c.] with the burden of the dreadful oath.

Earliest Annals of Beleriand (AB 1) (1930-37, prior to AB 2)

AB I

225 Torment of Maidros and his brothers because of their oath. Damrod and Díriel resolve to win the Silmaril if Eärendel will not yield it up. [...] The folk of Sirion refused to give up the Silmaril in Eärendel’s absence, and they thought their joy and prosperity came of it. 229 Here Damrod and Díriel ravaged Sirion, and were slain. Maidros and Maglor gave reluctant aid. Sirion’s folk were slain or taken into the company of Maidros. Elrond was taken to nurture by Maglor. Elwing cast herself into the sea, but by Ulmo’s aid in the shape of a bird flew to Eärendel and found him returning.

AB II does not go this far.

The Later Annals of Beleriand (AB 2) (1930-37, after AB 1)

325 [525] Torment fell upon Maidros and his brethren, because of their unfulfilled oath. Damrod and Díriel resolved to win the Silmaril, if Eärendel would not give it up willingly. [...] The folk of Sirion refused to surrender the Silmaril, both because Eärendel was not there, and because they thought their bliss and prosperity came from the possession of the gem. 329 [529] Here Damrod and Díriel ravaged Sirion, and were slain. Maidros and Maglor were there, but they were sick at heart. This was the third kinslaying. The folk of Sirion were taken into the people of Maidros, such as yet remained; and Elrond was taken to nurture by Maglor. But Elwing cast herself with the Silmaril into the sea, and Ulmo bore her up, and in the shape of a bird she flew seeking Eärendel, and found him returning. 

Quenta Silmarillion (1937) and The Later Quenta Silmarillion (1950s). These drafts were left incomplete and do not cover the events of the third kinslaying.

The Tale of Years (1950s)

Texts A, B

529 Third and Last Kin-slaying

Text C

532 [> 534 > 538] The Third and Last Kinslaying. The Havens of Sirion destroyed and Elros and Elrond sons of Eärendel taken captive, but are fostered with care by Maidros. 

Text D2 (ends at 527)

512 Sons of Fëanor learn of the uprising of the New Havens, and that the Silmaril is there, but Maidros forswears his oath.  [...] 527 Torment fell upon Maidros and his brethren (Maglor, Damrod and Díriel) because of their unfulfilled oath. 

Letter 211 (1958)

Elrond, Elros. *rondō was a prim[itive] Elvish word for 'cavern'. Cf. Nargothrond (fortified cavern by the R. Narog), Aglarond, etc. *rossē meant 'dew, spray (of fall or fountain)'. Elrond and Elros, children of Eärendil (sea-lover) and Elwing (Elf-foam), were so called, because they were carried off by the sons of Fëanor, in the last act of the feud between the high-elven houses of the Noldorin princes concerning the Silmarils; the Silmaril rescued from Morgoth by Beren and Lúthien, and given to King Thingol Lúthien's father, had descended to Elwing dtr. of Dior, son of Lúthien. The infants were not slain, but left like 'babes in the wood', in a cave with a fall of water over the entrance. There they were found: Elrond within the cave, and Elros dabbling in the water. 

The Silmarillion

Now when first the tidings came to Maedhros that Elwing yet lived, and dwelt in possession of the Silmaril by the mouths of Sirion, he repenting of the deeds in Doriath withheld his hand. But in time the knowledge of their oath unfulfilled returned to torment him and his brothers, and gathering from their wandering hunting-paths they sent messages to the Havens of friendship and yet of stern demand. Then Elwing and the people of Sirion would not yield the jewel which Beren had won and Luthien had worn, and for which Dior the fair was slain; and least of all while Earendil their lord was on the sea, for it seemed to them that in the Silmaril lay the healing and the blessing that had come upon their houses and their ships. And so there came to pass the last and cruellest of the slayings of Elf by Elf; and that was the third of the great wrongs achieved by the accursed oath.  For the sons of Feanor that yet lived came down suddenly upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath, and destroyed them. In that battle some of their people stood aside, and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords (for such was the sorrow and confusion in the hearts of the Eldar in those days); but Maedhros and Maglor won the day, though they alone remained thereafter of the sons of Feanor, for both Amrod and Amras were slain. Too late the ships of Cirdan and Gil-galad the High King came hasting to the aid of the Elves of Sirion; and Elwing was gone, and her sons. Then such few of that people as did not perish in the assault joined themselves to Gil-galad, and went with him to Balar; and they told that Elros and Elrond were taken captive, but Elwing with the Silmaril upon her breast had cast herself into the sea.  Thus Maedhros and Maglor gained not the jewel; but it was not lost. For Ulmo bore up Elwing out of the waves, and he gave her the likeness of a great white bird, and upon her breast there shone as a star the Silmaril, as she flew over the water to seek Earendil her beloved. [...] Great was the sorrow of Earendil and Elwing for the ruin of the havens of Sirion, and the captivity of their sons, and they feared that they would be slain; but it was not so. For Maglor took pity upon Elros and Elrond, and he cherished them, and love grew after between them, as little might be thought; but Maglor’s heart was sick and weary with the burden of the dreadful oath. 

[preet-01]

*in Oliver Twist voice* may I please have more of the maxiel political au?

You have me obsessed bestie

Of course you can bestie!!! Here is some married Maxiel discussing why Daniel agreed to the arranged marriage set in early 2026. This specific scene won't be in the fic because there's a different version of it with Daniel and Joe that explores their relationship and the weight of the family name.

First Meeting and Iowa Campaign Trail

Max doesn’t dare to say he fully understands Daniel. He understands bits and pieces of him, but not the entirety of him.

It is, of course, very annoying. He likes to know everything.

But he deals with it. Slowly learning about the new parts of Daniel and burrowing it deep in his mind where all of his Daniel facts live.

Like Daniel loves his career, lives for it, but yet he’s willing to give it up and marry Max just when talks of Daniel being a future Attorney General start.

“Why marry me?” Max asks one night. It’s much too late to change anything, they’ve been married for over a year now and everything is gearing up for his presidential run announcement. But Max remains curious about Daniel tying himself to Max and not continuing down the career path that his mother had expected of him.

Grace Ricciardo had been utterly shocked, but still supportive when Daniel introduced Max to them as his fiancé. Joe Ricciardo hadn’t been shocked, no the former governor had almost seemed apologetic to Daniel. So Max really did not understand the Ricciardos as a whole. At least Daniel's sister had just been very straightforward in her threats. Michelle Ricciardo, Max thinks, is the scariest of the four Ricciardos he'd met.

“A little late for that now, Maxy,” Daniel says. His brown eyes are focused on some case file that he’ll probably argue in front of the Supreme Court. Max doesn't understand why Daniel would be willing to leave something he loves so much to be the First Man. He doesn't understand how Daniel would be willing to leave behind arguing constitutional rights and wording at the highest court to just pick china patterns or Christmas decorations. He doesn't understand why Daniel would want to leave a challenging career where he can make a mark on history to just be a footnote in Max's career, a pretty bauble that the American public will look at.

Max’s own work is long forgotten as he takes in Daniel. So focused on what he needs to do despite it being the first day of a long weekend.

"You could be Attorney General," Max continues on. He'd read Sebastian's file on Daniel and done his own research. Daniel was more than qualified, certainly more qualified than the previous five Attorney Generals.

"You're a Senator, Max. Don't be so naive," Daniel retorts.

"How does my job-"

"Have you ever wondered why Seb manages campaigns instead of running his own?" Daniel cuts him off. The file is on the table and forgotten as Daniel turns to look at Max. "Or why Fernando Alonso-Webber has never become President despite his many, many attempts and strong qualifications?"

Max hadn't ever thought of that. He didn't need to...

"The Senate will never approve me for the Attorney General position. Doesn't matter how many cases I argue in front of the Supreme Court or how widely renowned I become as a lawyer," Daniel sighs. "We're not as progressive in this country as you may want. The Senate is not going to elect a male carrier as the Attorney General. And the majority of the country is not going to elect a carrier as President. Hell, only three carriers, male and female, have gotten the party nom. Just because I can birth a baby, they'll say that I'm not competent enough. That I won't be able to focus on the job, that I won't be tough when needed."

"Things aren't like they used to be," Max tries to argue, but he knows the numbers of carriers are low in both chambers of Congress, even fewer in the Cabinet despite President Hamilton's many attempts at changing it.

"I came to terms with it a long time ago, Maxy, just like Seb did. And there's more to being the First Man than just china patterns and looking pretty. Though I will excel at those," Daniel tells him.

"It shouldn't be like that," he states. It's wrong how in the past the country remains. His chances of winning were low due to being unmarried, and Daniel's chances of going further in his career were even lower due to being a carrier. His ability to birth children shouldn't impact his career.

"It won't be like this forever, eventually things will change. And I hope that it happens during your presidency," Daniel says. There's a sparkle in his brown eyes that hadn't been there before.

"I'm not elected yet, and might not ever be." Max knows that so far they've gone about things with the assumption that come November 2028, Max would be President-Elect. But things don't always pan out and there is a good chance that Max won't win.

"I wouldn't have married you, Maxy, if I had any doubts about your chances at the Presidency."

He doesn't understand all of Daniel, but he does understand bits and pieces and he's willing to learn every little idiosyncrasy that makes up Daniel.

___

I am loving all the discussion about this au and writing this has been so much fun!!!!

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

i love thinking about apollos anatolian origins 😵‍💫

It stews in the back of my head too :3

There was this really good podcast on Spotify I found about Ancient Greece, and I listened to his Apollo episode first (because I honestly can't stomach the ones who paint him as 'terrible assaulter'/'epitome of the patriarchy'. Can't stand it. Seriously, there was this so-called 'feminist' mythology podcast i found and I Noped out of there as fast as I could - she didn't even mention Eros's involvement in the Daphne myth! She immediately went 'Apollo: the man who doesn't know the meaning of No' and I was like I'M OUTTA HERE.)

(It's very hard to find good Apollo content out there when you have educated yourself on what he's actually like :( )

(At least you immediately know those people didn't do their research shrug)

Thankfully, this one had a really good, really in-depth discussion about Apollo; his origins, his domains, his myths, ect!

COMPLETELY FREE OF BIAS TOO! HE JUST GIVES YOU THE FACTS, THE SYMBOLISM OF THE MYTHS, HOW THE CULTURE INFLUENCED THEM, ECT!

On my first (and only rn) listen I was like "damn i need to take notes on this sometime" that's how in-depth it is!

Here's the episode link if anybody is interested, btw!

What's cool is that he said that before Apollo came along, oracles and the like weren't as common in Greece - they existed, because Gaea was a thing - however, when he was imported in (possibly also with Leto! She has Anatolian origins too!), oracles became more of a thing as Apollo's popularity skyrocketed!

If you look at the number of Oracles Apollo had, you'd also notice that a lot of them are in Anatolia (Turkey today)!. Didyma, Miletus, Claros, ect ect! I think this just adds to the theory that Apollo's main origins come from Anatolia! When he moved to Greece, oracles came with him!

Which is so cool because in my drafts I currently have a picture of a webchart I made of Apollo's (many) domains, and I narrowed down the ones I think are his Big Ones - and Prophecy is one of them.

Very cool that Prophecy has always been part of him <3

Also, Apollo has many cities he is the patron of in Anatolia - Troy is obvious, but the island of Tenedos was his too (his son Tenes founded the city there), and he was the patron of Miletus (the city where he met Branchus btw for my Branchus fans out there)!

And going to Leto real quick, her migration from Anatolia religion to Greece's is probably represented in the Hymn to Apollo! Sometimes myths about wandering from place to place were meant to symbolize the importation of a god (Aphrodite floating ashore of Cythera, for example), and Leto...well, she was doing a lot more than the typical wandering in the hymn, but it still fits!

Some versions say she was guided to Delos by wolves from Hyperborea, others say Boreas helped her escape Python, still others claim a rooster was present when she finally was able to give birth and thus became her sacred animal (also she apparently gave birth to Apollo as a wolf? I don't quite remember which version says that but it's something I've heard XD).

Also Delos was very self-conscious about Apollo being born on it because it was afraid he would judge it for not being up to typical island standards XD

Moving to Apaliunas now! He's a Hittite god, but I haven't been able to find out of what :( The main piece of evidence we have of his relation with Apollo is Troy - Apaliunas was the god of Wilusa, who has been found out to be another name for Troy! There was a treaty signed between Wilusa and another city, and the representative of Wilusa's name was commonly translated to "Of Ilios" - and Ilios was another name for Illium, aka Troy.

(Fun fact: The son Apollo had with Ourea was named Ileus, after Troy! They are but a footnote in mythology but I made them Important in my Troy fic XD)

Plus, Apaliunas's name was connected to the Hittite reflex of Apeljōn, which scholars have theorized to be an early form of Apollo's name - remember Apollon? :D

Apollo also has connections to various other deities - the Italian Etruscan god Apulu (Aplu), the Celtic god Grannus, his Egyptian equivalent is Horus and his Phoenician one is Resheph! He's also been identified with Baldur from Norse mythology.

Apollo be wearing that trenchcoat, and he is wearing it well XD

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Ah i LOVE your blog! I know you only review finished works, but do yuo have any works in progress fanfics you're enjoying?

Thank you!!!! There’s not tooo many right now, I don’t tend to read a lot of WIPs because I can forget details in between and the amount I read makes it sometimes hard remember what’s in what fic but here’s a couple! Bad formatting because I’m not breaking out the laptop

Poetry carved in flesh by @fellandcrow is my most anticipated one everytime it drops. Tattoo omens!!! my favorite!!

For Loving One by TheScholarlyStrumpet an excellent priest au that only has 2 more chapters left!

Still We Know Each Other So Well by PaperclipNinja. I haven’t gotten far yet but I’m very intrigued and am saving my catch up for a little bit

You’ve Got Mail by SouthDrarryReturned a remake of the movie You’ve Got Mail which I’ve never actually seen! but I was having so much fun. I’m really behind rn but it’s only got one more chapter!!! I’m going to catch up asap!

long time listener, first time caller by @ineffabildaddy which just started and I’m so excited to see where it leads!! It’s a very intriguing concept

Wild Hearts by @foolishlovers which is another I haven’t gotten too far in because I want to do a full in depth binge read when it gets closer to the end but what I have read so far is excellent

Are We Meant to Read the Footnotes? by RiaTheDreamer I actually stopped reading because I need to binge read it once it’s closer to finishing!!! I was getting antsy at the end of chapters

probably a couple more i forgot about but if you have any suggestions to add to my ever growing pile I’ll happily add them!!

[empress-violetlight]

I did this with Cherith Fel. She was only mentioned once in Legends, by her brother Jagged, who just said she was younger than him and had died in the line of duty, to illustrate just how dangerous the Unknown Regions are.

I gave her a personality, interests of her own, a career that differentiated her from her fighter pilot father and brothers, and she ended up being the love interest of one my my main OCs, Shran (Grand Admiral Thrawn's son).

It's nice to pull a character out of the fridge. :D

If I had a nickel for every time I made up an entire personality for a fridged woman and got so deep into it I forget that this is technically an OC in borrowed clothes I would have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

[callipraxia]

I was just asked to share a favorite writing tip, and as I wrote, it sort of organically expanded from the realm of writing tips I have received and into the realm of writing tips I’ve worked out for myself. I cut most of that from the original response because it wasn’t really what was being asked, but for anyone who might find it helpful - here are six notes on writing from someone who’s been doing it for twenty-something years and has no Agenda, financial or academic, to steer me much astray from confession of my actual practices:

Tip #1: my favorite writing tip I ever got from an outside source is (paraphrasing) “if you want to write like Tolkien, the key isn’t to stick a bunch of dwarves and elves in a low-medieval setting. The key is to write about subjects that you love as much as Professor Tolkien loved Northern European languages and mythology and the pre-Industrial English countryside and Catholic theology and etc.” It isn’t the details of what creatures you have in there that gives something that particular engaging quality that will carry it through and overrule a lot of its inevitable flaws - it is, instead, a subtle, difficult-to-define sort of energy the work will have that, as far as I can tell (and I’ve tried, many times, with concepts and projects that just didn’t work out), cannot be faked.

Tip #2: Based on my own experience as it applies to Tip #1, start trying to figure out what your interests are as early as possible and never stop looking even once you think you’ve found them. There’s a plethora of low-to-no-cost, low-to-no-commitment ways to pick up at least the basics of topics you know nothing about***, so give something a try every now and then, you might surprise yourself. For another personal anecdote, I grew up with the firm belief that physics was something I would a) find really boring and b) not be smart enough to get even the vaguest grasp on no matter how hard I worked, and that even trying was therefore probably a waste of time. I still can’t do the math and would probably flunk any real exams, but physics writing, obtained from the public library’s New Arrivals section, has ended up being one of the richest sources for my writing that I’ve ever encountered.

Tip #3: if you truly can’t find a subject in the world you find yourself especially interested in, that’s probably either the depression or the after effects of bad educational experiences talking. Or both - both is always an option. Start addressing that stuff and the world will most likely become a much more interesting place and you will most likely become a much more interesting writer.

Tip #4: if you find yourself with a sort of author crush, with someone (including other fan authors!) whose work you really, really admire, and you desperately want to be like them when you grow up - find out what they read and read it, too. This doesn’t work 100% of the time, but it is often a productive exercise; the reason I tend to include so many footnotes in my fics is because I’ve benefited so much from other people who left footnotes with reading recommendations or trivia explanations on their fics.

Tip #5, the Big One: Combine multiple things you are geeking out about into one story. The best writing I probably ever did began with how certain characters were represented in three different fanfics in two different fandoms. The presentation of Character A from Franchise 1 in two fics reminded me, in ways she normally wouldn’t, of the presentation of Character B from one fic from Franchise 2. I also just really liked Character C and thought it might be fun to introduce some elements of Character D to him and then see what happened, so I isolated some of the things I liked about those characterizations and combined a character trait or two from each in order to form two ‘new’ basic characters who would form the ‘center’ of the story. I then ran them both through additional filters: the first filter was some specific other interests (ornithology and tea culture) I happened to have, and then the second was the general impressions I’d gotten of family lives and dynamics from reading a couple of blogs for several years****. And then I topped this concoction off by dusting it lightly with references to and elements from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and an old Cage the Elephant song. Yeah. Other sources of musical inspiration have included, but are far, far from limited to, songs from Breaking Benjamin, Foster the People, Hozier, Lana del Rey, The Mountain Goats, The Offspring, and The Smashing Pumpkins. Even I kind of roll my eyes at that list, but hey, if it works, it works.

Tip #6: Don’t get the wrong idea from Tip #5 - I don’t recommend approaching stories or subjects with the aim of finding something to combine with something else in mind. The example I gave coalesced in my head over the course of several years before I ever put any of it into writing. The ideas will form in their own time, and I think the best thing to do is to just absorb as much enjoyable media and neat information as you can and then let your brain gradually do its own thing in its own time. It’s frustrating, but trying to think of things to jam together for a story or character idea on purpose doesn’t work nearly as well in my experience - maybe it can be pulled off for a one-off, preferably one that is a direct homage to or parody of the original, but when it comes to longer-term and more nuanced stuff, it’s rare for a deliberately sought out mash-up to ever quite get that Certain Something that I talked about back in Tip #1.

*** I can only really speak for the U.S. here, but with that caveat - I cannot overstate the utility of public library resources like inter-library loan and Friends of the Library bag sales, along with the contents of the library itself and particularly the New Arrivals sections if one is fortunate enough to be within reasonable driving distance of an even moderately well-stocked public library. If they’ve got a subscription to something like JSTOR or another academic database, so much the better, though you can find a surprising amount of information just through free articles and excerpts on JSTOR at least. The website and app Coursera also has a modest but useful collection of free courses, some of which are designed to be completed in as little as two days, and the similar website/app edX has quite a few classes where you can access the materials freely enough and just won’t get credit toward any professional certificates unless you pay them. I’ve done some studies also through Modern States, which is completely free as far as I remember and aimed at preparing people for exams that could, in theory, allow someone to test out of their freshman year of college or university. I have the very vague impression that Khan Academy sometimes gets mixed reviews, but I’ve found it a useful resource before. I’m sure this list also only just scratches the surface of what’s out there, too, since these are just resources I’ve personally used.

**** One of these was a LiveJournal, to give you some idea of how long ago this was…The other, in the category of “less obvious places to look,” was a collection of tea-tasting logs from a website called steepster; some users use/at least used to use their logs as a sort of journal/social media as well as a place to review teas, and some of those people are really good writers. Haven’t been to steepster in a while, though, should probably peek in sometime to see if it and/or any of my favorite loggers are still around….

[thedrarrylibrarian]

I cannot tell you how excited I've been to have this lovely writer on to rec - I fell in love with the fic she recced and I think it's a great pick for the holiday season. If you haven't read it before, I think it'll be the perfect read to get you into the Christmas spirit. Without further ado, here's the lovely @skeptiquewrites!

I was delighted to be asked to write a Happy Hour for December by the Drarry Librarian. I still consider myself more of a reader than anything.

This time of year represents a lot of contradictions for me: the joyfulness of gathering with my loved ones, the loneliness that springs up as I revisit old places and things. I love all the lights and candles, and bundling up against the cold. I can’t stand the disappearing sun, and the long hours of darkness in my part of the hemisphere. It’s sweet, but sorrowful too.

So back in July, I knew I had to pick @sweet-s0rr0w’s Waking Up Slow with all of @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm’s beautiful illustrations. Wireless has always been one of my favourite fests in current fandom, and 2023 was no exception.

Waking Up Slow by @sweet-s0rr0w (24,941 words, rated E)

'Twas the night before Christmas, although it’s July Draco’s a shopkeeper, no-one knows why There’s hiking and witch caves, freak snowfalls and more Bad Christmas jumpers, nosy neighbours galore Narcissa’s here too, but… something’s amiss And what’s in those chocolates that’s making them kiss?

From the first paragraph, I was in love with Pickerings Christmas Shop and Cheddar, Somerset. It came to life with careful, beautiful writing of Harry’s curiosity and Draco’s initial sharpness, and Joy’s saturated, poignant use of colour.

Besides the writing, I love how many direct references to other fanfics that Sweet has with the footnotes. It always reminds me how key intertextuality is to fandom. We’re all in conversation and all participating in a gift exchange of sorts.

Waking Up Slow is just as wonderful in December for a read (or re-read in my case) as it was in July. Scorching, weighty, interesting, and I can recommend it for a slow morning, lazy afternoon or under the covers late night fic reading.

After all, ‘tis the season.

Thank you so much, @skeptiquewrites for joining me for Happy Hour with Friends of the Library! And seriously, check this fic out!

[bluedalahorse]

Hi! I hope everyone is doing well. I am popping up to let you know that I’m alive, that there’s a lot going on, that I still love YR, and that I’m thinking about boundaries and priorities.

I loved Young Royals season three. I especially love how it engaged with the legacy of Erik and the systems of Hillerska. I love that it took the idea of the legal system providing catharsis and that it threw that out the window. I love the way characters got words for what they were going through, how Felice got to name the racism happening to her and August got words to name his disordered eating. Most of all I loved the way Lisa wrote Sara’s relationship with her father and her reconciliation with Simon. That meant so much to me, and I can’t wait to imagine a future for the Eriksson siblings.

Here is a brief list of things I loved about the finale. They were all written in the afterglow of seeing the episode. I stand by them. Especially how much I loved Wille’s ending, and what happened there.

In the coming weeks, I’m sure there’ll be stuff I’m more critical of or don’t feel as strongly about. I especially have mixed feelings about the way Lisa seemed to structure 3.5 in a way that mimics the emotional roller coaster of trauma. I’m not really focusing on that stuff here or now, because I don’t want to. But it’s on my mind, and I don’t know if I’ll end up posting about it here and elsewhere.

At present this post isn’t rebloggable or tagged with much of anything. That’s because I’m trying to figure out the best way moving forward with tumblr. I don’t know if I want to delete this blog and abandon it entirely, but the pressure to present a curated version of myself is too much, and is a pretty big trigger for things like rejection sensitivity and anxiety. The pace here is also too fast and there is no way to keep up with everything, and (forgive me for this cardinal sin in tumblr-land) I wish I had some easier way to not see the same sets of gifs a hundred times with the same commentary. I’m experimenting with slower ways of doing fandom, where I can enjoy myself more.

I do, however, want a way to get the cultural footnotes for Young Royals, especially when they help me write better fic and create better fanworks. I know there’s some pretty darn useful posts about how lines get translated and various holidays and traditions (and looking forward I would like to know more about universities in Sweden, and how the monarchy works and such.) So I want to be able to find the stuff I need without having to spend as much time on what I don’t need. The resource posts people make are truly helpful.

And I also have some other fannish things I want to see here, like Les Mis and Interview with the Vampire. And the memes are nice. I miss the memes.

Before I make the decision about how I engage, I think it will be useful for me to know my priorities. So I’ve thought about them a bit, and I want to make the decisions that align with my priorities. Here’s what I want to focus on moving forward:

I want to spend more time creating. The thing that has always brought me the most genuine joy in this fandom is writing fic. YRS3 ended in a place of possibility for so many characters, and I want to keep writing about them and learning about them that way. (I won’t even lie, of course most of my ideas are about August—August and Kristina working on their intergenerational cousin relationship, August getting pulled into weekly DND sessions with Wille and Simon so they can all get better at being human together while pretending to be elves or something, August doing the personal and liberatory work that allows him and Sara to one day have a Second Chance Romance with they’re older, even August/Nils because oh boy did that season give me ideas about them I never knew I had.) One of my goals is to cut down on browsing time significantly so that I spend more time writing, especially so I can finish Heart and Homeland. I think it’ll make me happier.

I want to spend more time helping others create. Some of the most meaningful experiences I had in this fandom involved being a beta reader or hearing out another person’s fic ideas, and getting to live in that space of creation and collaboration. For that reason, I’d like to still make new YR connections on occasion, especially with people who wanna share their writing process with me. Tumblr may or may not be a place to do that. I’m still figuring out where stuff should happen.

I want analysis to be something I do as part of my creative process, and that’s it. I don’t know if this is fully true, but it felt like ten years ago there was more fandom meta focused on what fans wanted to write in their fanfics, and how their interpretations of canon led to them creating cool art. There was some meta that was about how to interpret canon “correctly” but that wasn’t the priority. Now, it feels like—and this is true even outside of YR fandom, so this is no reflection on YR specifically—there is more emphasis on having the “correct” interpretation of canon. About getting it right, and having the right predictions and interpretations. It feels competitive in a way that wears me down. From this point forward, when posting analysis, I’m going to ask myself, is this furthering my creative pursuits and my understanding of the writing process more generally, or am I just trying to win an argument? If the answer is just to win, then I’m not going to post my argument. That runs counter to my goals.

I don’t want to engage in any space where anonymous discourse flourishes. Even when well-intentioned. Being away for a while was clarifying for me on that point. Turns out one of the biggest triggers for my anxiety and shame are extensive, heated conversations where I don’t know who is saying what and who I can trust. Spaces where there’s a lot of anon conversation are probably going to be ones I block and unfollow first moving forward. It just seems like a good baseline for how I engage.

So this is where I am as of now. I’ll probably continue to hold off on doing much posting in the coming days, but I did want to poke my head up for air for a second to let people know what the state of everything is.

Here’s one picture of the plushes for the road:

And here’s a picture of the waffles I ate on finale day:

Oh, to have cloudberry jam and time spent with friends. These things are truly joyous.

[lostintheuniverseslies]

My Reflections on the BuckTommy Breakup:

I’ve been a long time viewer of this show. Honestly from the first episode of the first season, I was loving it and the characters they created. With Buck being my favorite one. Especially after they delved deeper into his character in season 4. 

“I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you” is a quote I have memorized by heart and one I sympathize with greatly. 

So over the years, as each season passed, and each failed relationship, I wondered, when was Buck going to get his happiness? 

I stumbled into the world of “shipping” and fanfics too late in my adult life. Growing up, my main interest was K-Pop, so I didn’t get into fandoms beyond watching or listening. But after discovering a book series, I finally dipped my toes into fanfiction and eventually reached Buddie fics, which opened up a whole new level of love for the show. 

I, like many who have been in the fandom for a while, have loved the idea of these two being together. I remember vividly watching 4x13 and yelling at Buck to “go get your boy!”. 

But as the seasons progressed, I figured there was no hope for Buddie. They had them strictly as straight best friends. So I enjoyed reading Buddie in fanfiction and made my peace with it. 

Then season 7 came, and that kiss with Tommy upturned everything. I thought, holy shit, they made him bi. They actually did it. And I, like many others, wondered if Buddie could actually happen? But then we saw more of Buck and Tommy together and Tommy treated him with a sweetness I don’t feel like we really got much of from other partners. 

Abby showed it until things burned there. Ali feels like a footnote to be honest. Taylor - god I wish they remained friends. They were better as friends than a couple. Then Natalia felt like another footnote. 

But with Tommy, Buck seemed genuinely happy especially with all those heart eyes, and I thought, Finally, my comfort character is going to get his happiness. 

I tried not to hope for too much. Especially with what little we got in season 7 (understandably so). But then they gave us that scene in 8x01, then so much more in 8x05. I thought, holy shit, they’ve included him in so much, perhaps it's okay to hope. 

Then came episode 8x06. And my heart broke. 

I know it’s “just a show”, but I rarely love anything in the media as much as I have loved 9-1-1 and that book series. 

I thought maybe the breakup would just be a hurdle but then I went to Instagram and saw Lou’s post about “what’s next” and it confirmed it - BuckTommy was over. And that hit me hard. 

I think what stings the most is how they’d built Buck up, saying last season how they’ve finally taken him “off the hamster wheel,” only to put him back on it in season 8. What was the point of involving Tommy so much this season just to end it like that? 

Now, people are talking about Buck “finally experimenting” then he can be with Eddie, but will he? And what message does that send? That you need to “experiment” to be fully bi or gay or whatever? 

How many times have they shoved down our throats that Eddie is straight? And then what, they’re going to make him gay just to appease some fans? It will feel forced and lackluster. Not to mention if they went that route, that Buck would be Eddie’s (assumingly) first queer relationship with the reminder of Tommy saying the first is never typically the last.

Everything up to this point has felt very disingenuous. It doesn’t respect Buck’s character, the BuckTommy fans, or the queer fans in the fandom. I understand if they wanted Buck and Tommy to break up, but the way they did it felt like a gut punch. Buck was the happiest we’d ever seen him, and then they tore that away, abruptly and harshly. 

It’s painful to admit, but I think my love for 9-1-1 might have faded. They’ve shown that Buck’s happiness is something they’ll keep pulling out of reach, and who knows how many seasons are left? They could have let him find happiness now, leaving room for Eddie’s journey. But instead, they ripped it all away. 

I still hope Buck finds his happiness, even if I’m no longer watching. I’ll keep an eye on the rest of the season, but honestly, my interest has waned. 

Anyway, I know these thoughts might not be of great importance, but I needed to get it off my chest. If you read this and feel the same, let’s talk. My heart is with anyone who may be feeling the same. 💕