#the fall out boy song on the soundtrack too like are we joking

[blossoms-phan]

as a nerdy little emo teenager NOTHING rocked my world more than dan and phil my favourite internet people having a cameo in big hero 6

[the-sinful-voice-witch]

The Time has come, I shall speak now about my one true pairing, the couple I love the most in Sonic's universe: Knuckles×Rouge

Knouge is a relationship trope that simply works sooooo fucking well!!😖😖 It's fresh juice of the finest quality👌👌, I have seen this kind of relationship a lot: Scrooge x Goldie, Carmelita x Sly, Puss x kitty and of course Batman x Catwoman... 😏😏 (by the way all this couples already kissed, what the fuck are you waiting for SEGA? 😒😒) Is basically the kind of relationship that has losts of banter and tension and honestly they give a lot of material for good juicy stories.

This was the first relationship that could be considered canon in the games regarding having mutual feelings for each other (because at that time Sonic didn't have the relationship with Amy that he has now). When Rouge was introduced in Sonic Adventure 2, she was created to be Knuckles' rival in skills but not only that, she was intended to be also his love interest in a more specific way but in the end they decided to keep things more subtle and not as completely obvious as Amy's display of feelings for Sonic, also she was going to be named Nails the bat, so Nails 💅 and Knuckles 👊 rhymes with Tails but they named her ROUGE which means RED in French a ROMANCE language, red like Knuckles I'm just saying.

SA2 in fact has the very first "romantic" scene between two sonic characters, because absolutely no one will convince me ever that the moment when he saves her and they look into each other's eyes holding hands wasn't a romantic scene, like seriously 😤😏👇

and look what I found, this is an official sonic book from SEGA:

Do we need more proof than this? Ok 👌 let's continue then:

So the best words to describe them are: "Polar opposites attraction" "Pure vs flirtatious" "Honor vs dirty play" "Guardian vs Thief" "Endless banter" "Arguing married couple" And of course: "SEXUAL TENSION" 😂😂 even in the damn soundtrack!! Have you listened to Knuckles theme? "Kick the rock (Wild Canyon)" SEGA approved that song! 😂 Here let me show the best part of the lyrics:

"I gotta chase a bat, uh" "Yeah Rouge she is sexy and smooth, a double cross spy thief that's out for my jewels, uh! I'm feeling her in mysterious ways" Boy... Knuckles suddenly got hit by puberty or something 😂😂 he was unknowingly horny for her already...

"Who could'a did this? That snitch named Rouge! When I catch her I'm gonna get her with these tools" There you are, come here little thief! Think you going to fly and get away quick? Uh, uh! Give up the Emerald or die! I don't love you!! " And now he becomes a tsundere denying feelings nobody asked him if he has 😂 and we all know he wouldn't let her die.

Also the most important thing that makes them absolutely canon is that Sonic ships them, Sonic's shipping mind is indisputable, he did it a few times already: in Sonic Rivals he asks them if they are on a date, in one of Sonic's phone games they start arguing because Knuckles was salty that Rouge was so nice wishing Sonic happy birthday and that she wasn't that nice to him in HIS birthday (jealous much?) and Sonic says to tails that that is true love and then Rouge goes full tsundere denying it 😂😂😂, precious 👌👌.

Let's also mention what happened in sonic X specifically with the original Japanese dub, Rouge just wouldn't stop flirting (+backstabbing let's be honest😛) and knuckles wouldn't stop reacting to it 😂

In this scene ☝ in Japanese she purposely asked him if he was "active" At night too 🤣🤣🤣 she just meant she is active at night because she is a bat... But the way she said that 😆, she was known for making lots of dirty jokes in the Japanese version... Ok but leaving that aside I want to mention only one specific moment because in general the dynamic was the same: she flirts and jokes, he falls for it ect... But this scene was my favorite because this was literally a date.

Don't fight me. THIS WAS A DATE.👇👇

So many things to say about this scene, first the romantic full moon night background, in Japan when someone says the "moon is beautiful tonight" Means "I like/love you", unfortunately none of them said anything like that but with all this is just plain obvious this was a romantic setting, Rouge was trying to get Knuckles to be emotional because she knows he misses Sonic and wanted him to think she is so caring and compassionate and give her jewels 😂 but he ends up being stubborn breaking the mood and accuses her to be the one who misses him making her angry and start a fight but after a while they see Sonic in the sky and Rouge says they look dumb and wonders why were they fighting for in the first place, Knuckles laughs at her messy face and THEN she playfully jumps on him and he says she is tickling him??????? Of course this part is conveniently out of camera and we can only hear whatever the hell they are doing 😂😏 but now think about it... What were they doing? She was on top of him on the floor under the moonlight tickling him.... AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED?? Yeah come on! I don't believe that 😏, we know Rouge doesn't waste time:

Boy that's an ugly ugly comic and speaking of comics, remembering the old Archie comics too... After that dark era where Rouge was a unfairly represented as a villainous cruel bitch 😤🤬 there was a reboot before the IDW reboot and finally my waifu got at least some justice! I just love this particular comic where she shows how she actually respects Knuckles and cares about him, she is someone who never gets attached too much to big responsibilities if that cuts her freedom, she values her freedom (something in common with Sonic) and she wanted Knuckles to have that kind of freedom too:

Look at her being a peacemaker between her boyfriend and brother 😆. Well anyway I hope Ian Flynn gets more freedom eventually because it's clear he is holding back in the current Sonic comics😭😭😭 (even made a joke with the love triangle 😂😂)

Let's give it time... They managed to put some furry lesbians in the comic so anything is possible... I'll just wait forever 🥲🥲🥲🥲

And well we also got some good stuff in Sonic Prime!! 😍😍😍 we finally saw him carrying her bridal style in a angst situation 🤩🤩🤩 for a brief moment and from long distance camera shot but is still something 🥲🥲 just zoom it.

Well, that's it. Enough evidence IT'S CANON. Caso Cerrado😂😂😂

[goldenlouxo]

It’s a Thursday night, I’m 19 almost 20, at the store I work at. I pull out my phone to check the time and see I have a text message, “Did you hear about liam?” and a screenshot of a google search. Liam Payne, Dead at 31. My immediate thought is, this is some cruel joke, there is no way that an artist so close to me is gone. I message another friend to confirm and she does. He’s gone. Suddenly I’m not 20 anymore, I’m 9 years old sitting on my friend's bed watching One Direction music videos on her tv, claiming that Harry is the love of my life. I’m 10, receiving a one direction poster with my name on it as a birthday gift. It’s my most precious possession. I’m 11 and getting their perfume as a gift, it's the best smelling thing in the world. I spray it on me everyday even though everyone tells me it smells too strong. I’m 12, ‘falling in love’ and playing One Direction, dedicating every song to the boy I believed I was in love with. I’m 13 and the boy broke up with me and I’m heartbroken, thinking I’ll never feel better, though One Direction’s music does make me feel like I’m being hugged. At 14 I started reading fanfictions because I am sure that the only way I would ever feel loved is by one of these boys and I want to immerse myself in that feeling. I’m 16 and the world is on lockdown and my depression is getting worse, but watching the video diaries from when the band was on The X-Factor and Liam’s Quarantine Updates makes me feel a little less lonely. I loop my best friend in on listening to One Direction and we experience their 10 year anniversary together. I'm 17 and I’m in love again, One Direction and all of their solo music is constantly played because I am head over heels for this girl. I’m witnessing Louis and Liam go back and forth on twitter, enjoying the banter. I’m 18, I finally have my driver’s license and One Direction is the soundtrack to all of my drives.This girl broke my heart and I’m preparing for college and I’m resorting to One Direction’s music again for comfort. And now I’m 20 and I’m told Liam has passed and my entire world comes crashing down around me. I have relieved my pre-teen- years up to now and wonder what I’m going to do, how I’m going to move on past this. It’s now Sunday and I’m still grieving. I feel silly for grieving this death as though it is one of my own family. However, this does feel like family passing. These celebrities bare the most vulnerable parts of themselves to us with their music and I’ve come to know Liam so well over 12 years and I feel he has taken a part of me with him. From his blatant love for music that inspired my own to his protective, rule following persona to the band inspiring my own personality to this day, he has taken some part of me with him to the afterlife. My thoughts are with his family and friends and especially his fans, who have lost someone who has always been there for them when he needed them and will forever continue to be there in spirit. I hope that he is resting peacefully and knows that we all miss him dearly.

[obsidiancreates]

My Spotify Wrapped (Kinda)

My family all share the Spotify account, but I'm for sure the one who uses it the most. Mainly because I tend to stay up until sunrise writing fanfic or scrolling Tumblr or reading fanfic while letting my playlist run in the background. ADHD babeyyyyyyyyy

But yeah so there's some of my family members mixed in here and I'll be doing the fun game of identifying where their influences show up in the wrapped!

Oh the scorecore is my brother. He made a whole playlist of Movie and Video Game scores he loves and he listens to it all the time. I know the Kung Fu Panda and Godzilla: King of the Monsters soundtracks so well (not complaining they slap).

Sorry for them all being different sizes. Anyway the middle orange one is for sure my brother's tastes mainly and the morning yellow one is probably largely him as well (though I do enjoy a good Energetic song that makes me writhe while grinning so it's not purely him). The last one is all me though and yeah mostly at night.

Goh fucking hell- I mean like I said my family of 4 all share this one account but still. I know a huge chunk of that was me, I-I'm looping Playing with Bad Luck by Set It Off right now and the other night I just sat there listening to Tainted Love for literal hours.

Oh this is for sure because the song is so fucking short. No way in hell this'd be winning if it was for the fact it's like 1 minute long and worked great for a couple night as Writing Background Music while I wrote Hobbit fics. If I had to guess my most looped after this I'd bet on an AJR song or a Set It Off or MCR one.

... Okay so I was almost right- I really listened to Lift Me Up that much? It is a fantastic Bagginshield song, granted, and just a fantastic song in general. I fucking love OneRepublic.

Cut Off is because of OFMD. I'm sorry that is exactly the song playing in Ed's head at the end of the finale.

This isn't a surprise except for the 0.1% TOP LISTENER HOLY FUCK UM YOU'RE WELCOME BOYS I GUESS HOLY- WHAT

I say as I loop one of their songs making this post.

Yeah this one is all me, except Imagine Dragons is probably a combo me and my dad, he also loves them.

WHAT THE- MY BROTHER AND I HAVE LIKE 3 PODCASTS WE LISTEN TO AND ONE OF THOSE ONLY UPLOADS A SINGLE EPISODE A YEAR

I KNOW THEY'RE ALL 1 HOUR+ BUT STILL

I cannot stress enough that these are the only 5 podcasts we have ever listened to on Spotify and that I've only listened to like 5 episodes maximum from G!MFST and The Cryptid Factor.

This is the one that only uploads a single episode a year by the way. And between my brother and I we spent over half our entire podcast time on it. Granted, I did use it to fall asleep to for a couple of months there. After a few gos around learning the jokes in and out, it was a very reliable Background Noise to lull me to sleep and make sure my dreams didn't get too anxiety-inducing. Highly recommend it!

I can't tell if this is because my brother loves a lot of music from past decades or if it's because I almost exclusively listen to songs form the early 2000's or 2010's with the exception of a few select bands and songs. ... It's probably both, neither of us keep up with current music trends.

SHOCKED that no Goo Goo Dolls made it onto this!

[kpopshows]

at the same time i'm nostalgic for the past emo bands, im also keenly aware of how much i hated being a teenager. it was awkward and angry and depressing and confusing and it felt so cloudy and awful and fast but too slow at the same time. while i can appreciate the way those bands and music and my ipod saved my life due to distraction, I would never wish that on anyone.

it's interesting how I've come full circle in music taste. I loved mcr in 2008, and then I was getting a little tired of waiting for the next album. I saw Gerard Tweet about how he likes Jrock and suggested some Japanese Rock like Kyosuke Himura... so I got into L'Arc en Ciel, Dir en Grey, X Japan, and the like. It changed my life and I loved it.

I joined JpopAsia (website, is it still around?) and played those social tag games like "last song you listened to is the soundtrack to a movie about your life" or "last letter song game" etc... and had fun there. The fans there I made friends with suggested I listen to kpop so I shifted around 2010 to Kpop and by then I wasn't keeping up with MCR at all. I was in high school. I was influenced by fashion and culture to go gay and tell my school i was genderfluid. I shaved my head and stretched my earlobes. I wanted to be unlike anyone else. I wanted to be counter-culture and non-conformist. I wanted to be stinky and friendless so no one could steal my homework or trick me...

In 2014, a close friend did get the best of me. I always felt like I was so gullible, I could never see it coming. It made me feel like a joke, like a clown. But I was raped. I spent 2 years struggling with my identity and working after high school. I saw an old lady start at my workplace and she complained everyday that it hurt her back. I decided I better chase some dreams or I'll be stuck in an entry-level job until I'm 60 and my back hurts.

I went to college for 2 years and got my associates. I made friends and lost them. I tried different hair colors. I tried different clothes. I dressed like a hoe. I went to parties. I started drinking every weekend. I wanted attention. I wanted people to listen to me. I just wanted to be heard and seen. I was so tired of feeling ignored. I was so tired of feeling like even my closest family members don't hear me or understand me. Too busy with work. Too busy being older and more adult than me. And I felt like, since my virginity was already taken, that my relationship with God had been broken and now it didn't matter how much I did it. I was already dirty and I could never be made clean. 2022, I finally escaped a roller coaster ride of meeting up and falling out with my rapist from high school. I said I really wanted to change my life. I wanted to run far far away and never come back. I wanted to get away from alcohol and sex and expectations. I ran back to God and I wanted to make amends. I wanted His protection for my life to be safe again. I wanted to be free from the chains of drugs and pretending to be happy with my rapist. I only thought I had to end up marrying him so I could say I lost my virginity to the one I married. But he didn't want to commit. I should have known. I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I got married to a boy who was a member all his life. I had a baby. I started a family. We have a house and a car. We created security for ourselves and our family. I finally felt like I could breathe. Like I wasn't running from danger. Like I was finally okay. Like I could finally break down and process all those horrible things that happened to me throughout childhood. And as the hubbub of celebrity fashion and kpop became less and less appealing, I turned again to rock music. I found out that all the while I had been running, finding my own place in this world, discovering my hobbies and interests for myself instead of having them shoved on me, the emo bands I used to love... were right there the whole time.

they were preparing albums. writing music. pondering a come back. and out of the woodwork, they are back. they've come back to save my mortal life for the second time. MCR is back. Pierce the Veil is back. All the groups I've looked up so far are still active and making some kind of comeback. My daughter is dancing and listening to the music with me. My marriage is flourishing because I'm excited and happy about the news. This is so so awesome. I want to bring out my black clothes and tripp pants and express myself through makeup again. I want to go goth and feel the way my heart used to pound when I was young and awkward and I loved skateboarding to school. Only now I'm smarter and safer.

the looming drop-off of graduation is behind me. I'm certain of the future now, and I'm able to celebrate and enjoy it. I never want to let go of emo music. <3 forever an emo kid xXXxxXXx

[bluewinnerangel]

do you have any theories or know any theories for TBSL? because the line “Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?” always reminds me of fetus larry :(

Hi! SoooOoooo this has been in my drafts for like a year? I just reread it and I'm just gonna post is as it is.. whatever 2021 me didn't like about it can cringe in a corner I want this out of my drafts asfsddsf I mean with As It Was coming soon it won't be leaving it after so here it is, everything To Be So Lonely:

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Diving into TBSL because needs a The Notebook rewatch and now I did and bawled my eyes out thanks anon.

My theory about TBSL is pretty much like FTDT and Brokeback Mountain, and that it's not autobiographical in its core, but he took massive inspiration from The Notebook. But to get back to the mentioned line anon, yeah I do think the being of the jealous kind fits his character, fits what we think is the true him, how we've seen him behave indeed especially in early years. Plus lyrics, especially Harry's, are layered af and can both be about fictional characters as well as his personal life and whatever else all at once easily. So that I think it's not autobiographical doesn't mean it can't be applied to him personally, if I'm making any sense here. Anyway this is what makes me think it's about The Notebook more than just that one line:

!THIS POST IS ONE BIG THE NOTEBOOK SPOILER!

So if you haven't watched the movie but want to, maybe save this analysis for after. K warned you. For one, he's obsessed with that movie. He's mentioned it in interviews a bunch of times over the years, not gonna find em all right now but maybe the most detailed conversation about this was during HS1 promo with Nick:

With the segment starting around 8 mins in. I like how Nick is just dropping that Harry just knows all the lines like that "And you do that things where you repeat... you say all the lines.. as if you're Ryan Gosling" and then Harry goes "nooo noo that's not true. I play Rachel McAdams" (and we've seen a lot of examples of him indeed knowing all the lines through the years, even recently yelling TRASH TRASH TRASH on tour, and the soundtrack was part of on his 2020 playlists) The talk with Nick is in reference to watching it a lot while writing HS1 but I obviously think that extends to his later work. It's funny, Woman starts off with "should we just search for romantic comedies on netflix and see what we find?" and that's pretty in line with the point I'm trying to make here, that you might just find the sentiment of a whole bunch of Harry's songs if you do exactly that. You might just stumble upon another piece of work (movie in this case) and be like oh shit that one Harry song actually fits perfectly in here, matches up with this character's POV that well you gotta wonder whether that's... actually where that song came from in the first place. That some mermaid's just been busy being a hopeless romantic sappy lil shit binging his comfort movies and getting lost in them to the point where they turn into songs. And Nick is kidding about this too: "It's actually what the album's about". To which Harry goes "Yeah", Nick: "Yeah.", which, yeah, joke, OOORRR IISSS ITTTT :") Harry: "And a lot of that... ehm.... always circles back to The Notebook.."

So that's exactly what I'm gonna do here, we're gonna be always circling back to The Notebook with this theory, maybe to an extreme, because we can:

Harry Styles - To Be So Lonely lyric analysis (in relation to The Notebook) under the cut:

Don't blame me for falling

I was just a little boy

Ok two non-notebook big points: 1) Keyword: Falling when we got the song Falling on the same album (in which there's no-one to blame)? Clever shit. 2) Just a little boy? Ok sure kick the Hamille narrative in the butt I guess. Clever shit.

Of course, "don't blame me for falling I was just a little boy", that falling refers to falling in love, but with the way he reuses words so cleverly here I wanna call it definitely deliberate. That weaving his own (and sometimes others') songs together with these little nods/links I absolutely adore.

But this is very easy to relate to The Notebook. They first meet and fall in love when they're young, I don't think Noah's age is mentioned but Allie is 17, and they have a summer romance. And it's emphasized a lot as well, that they were just kids:

Allie: It was real, wasn't it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn't we?

Harry: Don't blame me for falling I was just a little boy. Spot the difference.

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Quick big spoiler recap on the plot of The Notebook: Noah and Allie fall in love at 17 over the summer, he's poor, she's rich, Allie's parents think he's not good enough for her. He promises to build her a home, she gives details of what she wants in it, all that. When the summer ends, she moved away (involuntarily) and he starts writing her. He writes a letter every day for 365 days but her mother never gave her the letters. Many years pass and eventually he buys that home and he builds it including the stuff she mentioned... he built them a home, basically, without every knowing if she'd come back. Then they find each other again, she sees the home all that, she gets the letters from her mom all that, but she's engaged to someone else and they scream and fight and yell in the name of love and all that and she's gotta choose and with some romantic movie trope difficulties she ends up choosing him. Throughout all that their story is being told from an elderly man to an elderly woman with dementia, SPOILER is them, they already had that life together, and he's sticking by her in their last moments, and she's there sometimes recalling what he's teling her, sometimes heartwrenchingly not at all, not sure if this does the movie justice but that's that.

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Don't blame the drunk calling

Wasn't ready for it all

I don't think I can turn this into a convincing Notebook reference. I mean, I can try, they call each other bad names when they fight, if that's the calling here, and seeing they let each other go for many years while they're crazy about each other... so I guess you could say they weren't ready for it all, they weren't ready to own up to it and just say fuck it I want you all of you forever I want this life it's gonna be hard but I want that and let's do it, I'm ready, because, maybe they weren't.

(sorry I'm just gonna rambley use too many words to explain this ok just let it happen) But I think, Fine Line is giving us a story, a beautiful narrative. I think the writers, Harry, really tried to grab all these individual songs and just create an amazing whole (and amazingly successfully i must add), and with these lines I just see a great nod to Falling and Cherry really. (as I do with most of these lines in TBSL) And maybe a bit of HS1 as well. And I'm not saying Falling, TBSL, and Cherry are all the same thing and should be viewed as all stunt or real or fake or whatever, I think they all originate from different places, one perhaps more raw true feels than the other, one perhaps more... eh... giving the fans what they want... than the other, etc. I just think they were eventually placed into the context of one another deliberately, slightly reshaped to all fit together.

For instance, we know Mitch played that never-ending phone ringing guitar coolness realness that became TBSL which just ties in all too well with the sadness of Cherry and Falling and that being alone and drunk after a break up and everything on like.. casual listeners take home message level, you know? I don't know what's the order of events here, but I can imagine those amazing little guitar rif sounds inspiring drunk calling lyrics.

"don't blame the drunk calling, wasn't ready for it all" I feel reflects on Falling, the song, paired with the first line, "don't blame me for Falling"... IT JUST ALL FITS AS A PERFECT LITTLE BLUE AND PINK PUZZLE OK. He's shaping this whole scene... I kinda tried to make this clear by highlighting matchy matchy lines across Cherry, Falling, and TBSL, in that order:

(this really just is rambling:) and in my view you can't really make them make sense because it's fiction as a coherent whole unless you just headcanon plomp a whole chronological storyline on top of it, which I can definitely do: It looks like him changing his mind/growing all that in between writing these songs. Basically, Cherry is the fresh breakup wound, the pure pettiness, kinda the anger stage, and gets followed up by depression with Falling. (again, I don't think this is what Falling is about, I think it's just placed conveniently so the conclusion you draw from Falling casually listening to his album is... this feeling being a result of a breakup) the fuck, you really don't need me ever again do you this really is over isn't it, and then 3rd in this triptych we got TBSL, which is some mirroring mash of both. At first he just didn't want her to call a new guy baby, then he did a bunch of sad depressed drunk calling and introspection, some time passed, realised more of his own flaws, says sorry for his own behavior there too, and doesn't really want those new dynamics of not being together anymore but still having her in his life, still calling him baby somewhat casually I guess, still trying to be friends, because it looks like he ruined what they had, and she seems to be at her best, seems to be fine, seems to move on and can be casual around him while he... writes TBSL. And the similar wording of it all helps this along as well.

You can't blame me, darling

Not even a little bit

I was away

Notebook thoughts here that even when TBSL is actually about The Notebook then still it's probably not meaning the following but we're going everywhere with this: there is a moment near the end where Allie, suffering from dementia, remembers their story, and then doesn't. In the time she does, Noah calls her darling a bunch of times, and as soon as she gets lost, goes away again, she says "why did you call me darling? I don't know you." ... Don't you call me darling. Anyway.

The Still Making Everything About The Notebook but more sensible link is that they missed out on being/staying together. They go away, they both go away, for years, and through miscommunication / misfortune they don't find their way back to each other until many years later, but neither of them is to blame. If you view the I was away as a I wasn't there because I didn't know I could have been there all this time kinda thing, Allie cannot blame Noah, not even a little bit, for not having done everything he could to be with and stay with her from the start, because he didn't know she loved him and wanted to be with him as much as he wanted her. I'm having a hard time choosing the best quotes, because it's a longass talk (and more), but we can keep it simple lol:

"you're going away! You're leaving. And I'm staying here."

and them talking about it when they're older in retrospect:

"Gone.

Well, she must have been devastated.

She was. He was only trying to do the right thing.

Yeah. But what he really should have done is just told those parents to go to hell."

Allie also throughout the whole movie just keeps going away, there's a pretty not sure if intentional parallel throughout the movie between young Noah and Allie and old Noah and Allie where Noah just... stays rooted in place and Allie just comes flying in and out, first when they're young she just goes "I have to go" a bunch of times and leaves, while when they're older she does as well, but, due to dementia.

This whole falling hard in love romance to losing each other for years to getting back together and building a strong foundation and being in it for life despite it being hard af... I mean you could use the tracklist of Fine Line in its entirety as the soundtrack for even.

Okay but now Notebook-free interpretations... I can just accept he was an arrogant son of a bitch who was away, perhaps simply avoidant and emotionally unavailable, that he just drops that little bit of info and then dips I mean sure fine why not, but also I don't think it fits the rest of the album? Maybe I'm missing something, but he's pretty consistently the most uninterrupted clingy little koala otherwise. I don't really feel like it fits the overal sentiment?

Next if we're going by Harry being a genius with keywords and concepts and saying the same/opposite thing across works we can look at where else people are away within his songwriting, and that might help:

We haven't spoke since you went away - FTDT

It's interesting to my FTDT+TBSL-aren't-biographical-ass that these are the only two songs blatantly saying that someone went away, while none of his other songs are really implying people left other people. FTDT and TBSL aren't so different. Actually, you can look at Cherry+TBSL+Falling as some ripped apart FTDT:

It's... a lot. Really just. Take your time to see the similarities. This almost looks like it's still the same story (again LOL @ His public narrative being him going through a relationship start to finish that leads him to feel and use the near exact same sentiment and details as he was already putting into a song years prior to that relationship blooming and dying I mean same goes for Sunflower vol 6, it's kinda funny): I'm alone now, someone went away, there's a piece of each others clothing, there's getting drunk, there's a lot of calling, that sad, lonely, depressed, somewhat spiteful, definitely pathetic person that is FTDT threw its where are you and why are you doing well right now into Cherry, its never felt less cool into Falling, and its lonely man I keep being this shit person and drunk calling you into TBSL there.

Again, is this because this is his life and it makes sense for him to write and keep writing in a similar way about his life and he just wasn't over whatever fueled FTDT to a point he had to turn it to 3 whole songs on his next album, or there's a lack of creativity (nope), or he's still searching for romantic comedies on netflix and seeing what he'll find and we just keep looking at songs based on hopeless romantics in movies, his weakness.

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

This is just, literally, from The Notebook. Here's the whole transcript of that scene:

Noah: I see you got my letters. Finally. What are you gonna do Al?

Allie: I don't know

Noah: Are we back to that? Are we back there? What about the past couple of days? they happened, you know?

Allie: I know that they happened and they were wonderful, but they were also very irresponsible. I have a fiancé waiting for me at a hotel, who's going to be crushed when he finds out.

Noah: so you make love to me and then you go back to your husband? Was that your plan? was that a test that I didn't pass?

Allie: no! I made a promise to a man, he gave me a ring and I gave him my word

Noah: and your word is shut to hell now, don't you think?

Allie: I don't... I don't know, I'll find out when I talk to him

Noah: this is not about keeping your promise, and it's not about following your heart. It's about security

Allie: what is that supposed to mean?

Noah: MONEY!

Allie: what did you..

Noah: HE'S GOT A LOT OF MONEY!

Allie: now I hate you, you smug bastard!

Noah: and I hate you. If you leave here I hate you.

Allie: haven't you been paying attention to anything that's happening?

Noah: I guess not. I think I must have misread all of those signals

Allie: I guess you did.

Noah: you're bored! you're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

Allie: you arrogant son of a bitch!

Noah: would you just stay with me?

Allie: Stay with you? what for? look at us, we're already fighting.

Noah: well, that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. They have like a two second rebound rate and you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing.

Allie: So what?

Noah: so it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this every day but I wan to do that, because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

Noah: would you do something for me, please. Just picture your life for me. 30 years from now, 40 years from now, what does it look like? If it's with that guy go, go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again, if I thought it's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

Allie: what easy way? There is no easy way. No matter what I do, somebody gets hurt!

Noah: would you stop thinking about what everyone wants! stop thinking about what i want, what he wants, what your parent want. What do you want? What do you want?

Allie: it's not that simple

Noah: what do you want? damn it, what do you want?

Allie: I have to go

May I also note here the "does he take you walking round his parents gallery" pettiness of Cherry fitting really well with Noah's behavior towards Allie's engagement to someone with money that her parents approve of rather than himself.

Who can't admit when he's sorry

Here again it could be anything if referring to something specific, in the Notebook they just fight a lot, and absolutely do not admit they're the one in the wrong, untill they do... as does Harry here at the end of the song, where he flops to "this is it, so I'm sorry".

If we're gonna do the keyword thing again and look elsewhere, we find FTDT again:

Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry, too. - FTDT

So in FTDT there's.. the one that's not being the first one to break, the one that's not admitting he's sorry as well, we're going in circles.

And Lights Up that just goes "I'm sorry by the way" whatever that's for.

Don't call me baby again

flip flop keyword drop from Cherry:

Don't you call him baby, don't you call him what you used to call me. - Cherry

Which one came first hmm.

I'm also still stuck on that breaking my heart into pieces old Noah and Allie scene at the end of the movie, where Noah continuing to call Allie pet names such as darling, sweetheart, and baby, is causing her to freak out more and more once she stops remembering who he is. Doesn't make much sense with the whole sentiment and the context tho, but it's just there, and I hate it.

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Okay so this is again saying Notebook rights here, as Allie does try to be friends and Noah knows she doesn't have a bad bone in her body there, he knows she's got her reasons for choosing to go down the path she seems to be choosing.

Here, where they meet up again after all these years, she's engaged, they're being all adult about it:

Well, your parents must love him.

He's a really good man, Noah. You'd really like him.

You love him?

Yeah, I do. I love him very much.

Well, that's that. You marry Lon and we can be friends... right? Right.

Also a lot of assumptions can be made between Cherry and TBSL (and FTDT), in Cherry he wonders if she still knows that he talks to her friends, and he misses them. Then ~assumed time passes~ and they try to be friends, they try to hang out both love and hate it here.

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

HOME HOME HOME BABABLALA HOME THIS HOME THAT.

Notebook interpretation: they're so fking lonely without each other. Especially Noah. And he built her a home??? He. Built. Her. A. HOME. Old Noah and Allie version: he doesn't wanna come home. His kids ask him to come home and not stay with Allie in the nursing home, but he wants to be with Allie instead.

This is bad guy what's coming up it's bad, but yeah this seems to be Harry's favorite movie, and this is really right in there:

Noah's kids: come home. Mama doesn't know us. She doesn't recognize you. She'll never understand. We miss you. This is crazy, you living here. Yeah, you know we'll all help with Mom. We can take shifts visiting.

Noah: Look, guys, that's my sweetheart in there. I'm not leaving her. This is my home now. Your mother is my home.

Can I scream???

I just hope you see me in a little better light

I think this is a reference to The Notebooks themesong I'll Be Seeing You by Billie Holiday, that goes:

Let the light be happily gay too for that matter

Easy. Easy Easy easy. As mentioned above, yeah Noah was being jealous af and yeah he did this whole speech about DO YOU THINK ITS GONNA BE EASY NO.

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

You'll win, it's just a trick

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips

And this is it, so I'm sorry

This could be a lot of things, there isn't some yo Allie I specifically love the shape of your lips moment in the movie if you were wondering, and to be really honest I'm not sure how to interpret these. I keep having old Noah and Allie in the back of my mind and how (having a loved one with) dementia plays tricks on you and how that's just it then and blugh.

But also from Harry to listeners this is interesting, like I always felt like this song was a trick? Like he's saying this is it, I did it I wrote a song that is not what you think it is, it's just a trick I'm sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hope that was a fun read it was meant to be just an entertaining the thought kinda thing.

See more interpretations over at @larrylyrics

[starlitink]

Some modern Race headcanons

Race has definitely cursed in front of small children before. Davey smacked him upside the head with his book when he screamed “FUCK” in front of Les after dropping something heavy on his foot.

He is a solitaire GOD. Davey taught him to play so he would quit pestering everyone to play poker with him. Now he can win a game in less than two minutes.

He snorted sugar once. Like straight granulated sugar. Not even joking. He snorted the sugar and then cried for half an hour because that shit hurt like a bitch.

He chews pens. All the time. And they always end up exploding in his mouth. Jack and Davey won’t let him have any red pens now because a red pen exploded in his mouth once and he looked like a vampire or something and scared Crutchie.

He is severely ADHD and has an oral fixation (he puts things in his mouth to help him focus). He always has one of those chewy necklaces on hand and chews it when he needs to focus (because he can’t bring a cigar to school without being suspended).

For some reason, I feel like Race would be O B S E S S E D with Disney. His favorites are the classic Disney films like Snow White and The Great Mouse Detective (which was one of my favorites when I was little), but he’ll gladly watch anything as long as it’s Disney.

Obviously this boy is a theater kid. His favorite musical is Mean Girls (his favorite character is that one kid who says “x is greater than the value of y” (iykyk)). He says it’s a PG version of Heathers, and therefore it’s okay to play the soundtrack in front of Les.

I also feel like he makes a playlist for every occasion. Romeo finally got a second date? Race has a playlist specially made for the occasion. Davey’s car broke down? Race has a playlist. Les tripped and skinned his knee? Race has a playlist.

He wants to be on Broadway (obviously), but if that doesn’t work out, he wants to work at Ellen’s Stardust Diner when he graduates. He would get to interact with a lot of cool people (including (hopefully) Broadway stars), and he’d get to sing and dance on the job.

He has an aversion to loud noises. If it’s too loud in a room, he’ll shut down and cover his ears until someone gets him out of the situation.

He and Albert have a tradition where they get together every Friday night and watch shows like The Owl House (they both freaked out when Luz x Amity was confirmed to be canon because HELL YEAH WE HAVE GAY REPRESENTATION) and Gravity Falls.

He has everyone’s ringtones set as various songs from Broadway musicals (ex. Crutchie’s is “Top Of The World” from Tuck Everlasting, Katherine’s is “Non-Stop” from Hamilton, etc.).

His name is Edward. (This isn’t a headcanon, the real Race was named Ed Higgins and he was the leader of Brooklyn.)

He wore a bright pink ballgown to prom. The other newsies laughed, and he got upset until Davey was like “Race you put the dress on backwards”.

[wizkiddx]

I would for sure read a continuation of the birth photographer fic if you feel comfortable writing it/have time! Xx

a/n sorry I kinda combined these two together, I hope this is okay!! sorry ive taken so long too!! my requests are still open, just going a bit slowly :)

summary: literally just birth + harry

dad!tom x reader

warnings: childbirth, mentions of fainting, squint for suggestiveness too

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Your doing so good darling, just keep breathin’ like that for me, in-out-in-out”

That had pretty much been the soundtrack to your last 3 hours. And yes it was MORE annoying than it sounds. Of course, that’s also ignoring the insane amount of pain your uterus was putting you through - as it spasmed while the little bug in there was wriggling away. Giving birth was not easy but giving birth with a husband-turned-midwife wittering away in your ear? Un-fucking-bearable. 

“Tom…. I love you but..” Everything had really been starting to ramp up in the last half an hour, you were a panting sweaty mess now. “Please… SHUT THE FUCK UP” Tom would’ve recoiled completely away from the bed because of your tone, if it wasn’t for the absolute death grip you had his right hand in. Instead,  Tom settled for straightening straight up and staring helplessly and dejectedly across the room at his brother - who of course was trying to hold back laughter, knowing it would be very easy for you to switch your target to him. 

Clearly it wasn’t a social call to the hospital, Harry was here under the premise of taking photos when the baby arrives for Tom;  but really to stop his brother from having his own breakdown - as commissioned by you. Lets just say, however scared and mortified Harry was of this ‘event’ he was taking a lot of enjoyment from how his brother was acting currently. 

“It’s okay sir, if you were pushing a watermelon out of hole that normally was the size of a whiteboard marker, I’m sure you’d be a bit tetchy too.” That lady was your favourite midwife and in a lull between the sets of contractions, you actually managed a laugh. Wide-eyed, Tom just nodded jerkily, murmuring some sort of agreement. It was at this point a flash of light reverberated around the whole room, causing you to breathlessly laugh, Harry’s face informing you the picture he just got of Tom was priceless. 

The laughter didn’t last long though, the next contraction had you bearing down on the bed, face contorted in pain as you sucked desperately on the gas and air tube. 

“Okay Y/n I think we might be getting there, let me call the senior midwifes in okay?” The midwife had your legs hiked apart, a blanket attempting to cover your modesty - but at this point she was basically sticking her face in your noon. Modesty was out the window. 

“Already?” Tom was shocked to say the least, from all his reading and research he’d learnt that the average labour time was more like 5 hours. Lets just say, Tom never exceled in school, never much enjoyed reading - which made the hours of highlighting baby books and pregnancy leaflets all the more extraordinary. 

“Babies don’t stick to the script sir.” You could tell she was proud of the pun there, because you know, Tom’s a moviestar. “Professional improvisers, the lot of them.” 

The cream walls of the hospital room very quickly filled with more and more people - Harry staying like a fly on the wall, now nervously biting his nails as he watched an obscene amount of medical people all take their turn oggling his sister-in-law’s bits. This was a weird ass situation. 

Almost immediately it was at the point the midwifes were telling you to push, which after 9 months of holding a baby in (as well as your ill functioning bladder) sounded like an absolute dream. But it was also absolutely terrifying and exciting and horrifying all wrapped in one. Naturally then, after nodding hesitantly at the midwife between your legs, you’d craned your neck across to tom .You might’ve just told him off, for trying to encourage you, but now? You needed his encouragement. 

What met you though, was his face completely drained of colour, mouth hanging slightly open as he hadn’t moved - still staring intently at the midwife. She followed your gaze, only taking half a second to survey the situation before knowingly smiling. 

“Can we get a bit of help for dad please?” Immediately one of the more junior looking midwives was directing (pushing) Tom into the chair next to the floor. Suddenly actually concerned, you looked with wide eyes to the lady between your legs, who you felt bad for not remembering her name. With a comforting squeeze of your ankle she reassured you he’d be right as rain after a few moments of having his head between his knees. Also sensing you needed your support, she arched up, beckoning over to Harry who had an equally bemused look on his face. 

“No - I-um I’m not.” His squeaking protests were interrupted by a large scream on your part, as another contraction tore through your body. Helplessly Harry glanced between Tom, who was still hunched over on a chair with a nurse squatted infront of him; and you, writhing around on the mechanical bed. He didn’t hesitate then, in jumping right to your side, allowing you to start crushing all the bones in his hand too. 

And then it was all happening, a blur of activity and screams. It didnt take long for Tom to pull himself together and then you were flanked on both sides by Holland boys - both giving cheesy encouraging words (which you would’ve again told them to shut the fuck up for, if you’d been able to), Tom also stroking the top of your head. He found it pretty impossible, watching the woman that he loved go through such immense pain - especially when he was technically half the cause. Well… actually more that that, it had been him who had been… well shall we say *needy* those nine months ago. 

“Okay Y/n the heads crowning, I know you’re tired but we need a few more big pushes, can you do that for me?” 

Merely 5 minutes later and the most beautiful sound in the world echoed through the 4 creams walls. You were absolutely spent, eyes closed as you panted, knowing tears were flooding down your face too. Immediately though, familiar hands cupped both sides of your face, a forehead resting on yours. 

“You did it Y/n/n.” His eyes were glassy, watering and red and the way he scoffed a smile in disbelief had you mirroring him exactly.

“We did it.” Your voice was hoarse and scratchy from all the yells of pain but it didnt matter. The midwife calling you by the name ‘mum and dad’ got both of your attention, a title you’d no doubt start getting used to. 

“Meet your beautiful baby girl.” Another choked sob escaped your throat, as  this little roughly wrapped up pink alien looking thing was placed onto your chest. Both you and Tom just gazed at her, completely transfixed at the way she wriggled her head slightly, nuzzling into your chest. Tom gently hovered his palm against her little head, while you pressed down the blanket gently, just so you could see all her features. 

Then a flash echoed around the otherwise silent room, making you all look up to Harry who was gritting his teeth in apology. “Do mum and dad want to smile for the camera?” The question was posed so hesitantly and quietly, really it wasn’t funny either. That didn’t stop you and Tom both pulling out the biggest grins and chuckling away, allowing Harry to capture the perfect moment. Being referred to as mum and dad - it was bloody comical. 

“You gonna tell me her name now?”  You looked from Harry to Tom, nodding in approval for him to spill the beans. 

“Amber. She’s Amber.”

You’d squabbled for months before ending on Amber. It had been a long relentless process, Tom claiming that your baby might just have ended up as ‘as yet untitled’ which you and your hormonal state had stormed out at. It hadn’t taken much to forgive it though, Tom had long since worked out that Ben and Jerrys was the way to your heart. 

The nurses took Amber back to do some tests, properly cleaning both you and her up and after that everything was weirdly calm. Harry had left to give the twothree of you a moment alone and Tom was about to do his turn of skin to skin. 

“This really is it isn’t it?” He murmured, whilst carefully scooping Amber from your arms. 

“Mhmmm… your stuck with two girls who’ll go psycho on you without a moments notice.” He seemed to accept it though, just nodding in response. 

“And I still can’t bloody wait.” His eyes penetrating deep into you, had you blushing like a nervous teenage girl. “ ‘m still so proud of you, you grew this little human.”

“Your not allowed to call her little because you didnt have the ‘little’ thing rip your insides apart.”

“Hey! I’m upset about it too! Was like I had to watch my favourite pub being burnt down.” Of course, trust Tom to make a dirty joke at a time like this.

“Don’t kid yourself, you weren’t watching, too busy fainting.”

“I didn’t actually faint!” This time he protested a bit too loudly, causing Amber to mewl a little and bury her head into the crook of her Dads arm. “I think Ambers just told you to shut it too.”

“You annoy the hell out of…” Your grumbling was interrupted by an impressive, ear-splitting yawn. “ You annoy the hell out of me.”

“But you love me?” He sing-songed, now back to a hushed tone. 

“I hope so, otherwise we’re in a bit of trouble.” He scoffed, but nodded his head, taking the hand that wasn’t cradling Amber to tuck some sweaty, knotted strands of hair behind your ear. 

“I do owe Harry though, he was at least able to stay on his feet.”

“He was a better birthing partner than you too, much much less condescending and annoying.” You sniggered, making Tom pout once again, only wiping the look off his face when you yawned again, rubbing an your eye like a toddler would. 

“If your done insulting me… get some rest love, I got you.” All you did was nod, with a small groan (because below your waist still hurt like a bitch) rolled over so you could fall asleep to sight of the two of them. 

“Got you both, my two beautiful girls.”

hope you enjoyed, would love to hear any thoughts <3

taglist: @hollandfanficlove @hallecarey1

[kakiwrites]

lover boy

Genre: fluff

A Kenma kozume x reader

a/n: hey guys! @booksandhoneymilktea I kinda mixed your request with a brainrot I've been experiencing with this specific queen song! Hope you enjoy this! Let's get started.

 Your relationship with kenma was… complicated, to say the least.

 You transferred in to his second-year class in the middle of the year. You expected that people already had their cliques so you just took out your DS and started playing some good old pokemon to pass the time in between classes.

 After a few days of being alone in your own little bubble, a boy with blonde hair with black roots approached you, in his hand was his blue PSP. "can I sit next to you?" he asked, his voice soft and quiet. You nodded and you watched as he dragged a nearby chair to sit beside you and played his game, glancing over your shoulder to see what you were up to from time to time.

 This was the start of your relationship.

 Kenma invited you to his volleyball practices everyday and told you that you can sit in the corner and watch his console for him while he trained. He would always join you in that corner so you could game in silence. He would glare at the tall, half-Russian boy, Lev, when he got too noisy and broke your train of thought.

 Soon, his childhood friend, Kuroo, caught Kenma's interest in you. Every time the captain sees you with his pudding head friend, you would hear him humming and dancing to himself. "Ooh~ love, ooh~ loverboy." Kuroo sang out loud for the tenth time that week, nudging kenma and working him up. Kenma only rolled his eyes before taking your hand and pulling you out of his vicinity.

 That only proved Kuroo's suspicions.

 You really didn't mind. Kuroo and kenma were just joking around. They weren't serious, Right?

 Right?

 The very same day, kenma invited you to a sleepover at his place. You didn't really have anything else planned so you said yes. You've been there a lot of times already so you didn't feel any different when Kenma's mom opened the door for you, hugged you then told you that you head up to his room.

 You knocked then opened the door to see Kenma on his pc with his video cam on, skyping with Kuroo and Lev. "hey kenma." you whispered, dropping your bag on his bed then approaching his set up to wave at the camera.

 You both watched as Kuroo scrambled on his screen and played something that made Kenma groan and take off his headphones. "what is it?" you asked as you strained your ears from where you stood to hear the same song he kept dubbing as your 'theme song', playing on blast.

 Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy

 What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy?

 Set my alarm, turn on my charm

 That's because I'm a good old-fashioned loverboy

 You giggled at kenma's pout before you jumped onto his bed and got comfortable, taking out your own console and continued with your game.

 After all, Just being in his presence was enough for you.

  You both sat in silence for a few hours. the only sounds interrupting the ambiance were Kenma's incoherent grumbling into his mic and the soundtrack of the current pokemon town you were in.

 "for the last time, Kuroo, I am not confessing to her." Kenma slightly raised his voice, you perked up. Does he like someone? Who could it be? You told him that you would support him through anything.

 So you didn't get why your heartfelt heavy when kenma revealed that he liked someone.

 After a few minutes, kenma said a slurred and sleepy farewell before he left the call and turned his setup off. He looked back to see you still playing your game. His eyes then moved to glance at the clock. 1 am it read. The boy plopped down beside you, watching your screen sleepily.

 "so…" you blurted out after a few minutes. Kenma hummed in acknowledgment, telling you that he was listening even though he was already half-asleep. "who was the lucky girl Kuroo was bugging you to confess to?" you asked, trying to make it sound casual as if you weren't feeling your heart clench at the thought of him falling for someone else then drifting away from you.

 Kenma just sighed before he shifted. "you. He was bugging me to tell you what I feel. I'm not ready yet." he thought aloud before his eyes closed completely and his breathing evened out.

 What did he just say?

 You felt your face heat up, burying your head into your console. He was just sleepy. no way in hell he liked you, you thought. You turned your game off and laid down next to him.

 The last thing you saw was his neutral face turning up into a smile, you felt warmth envelop your figure, drifting you off to sleep.

  Kenma woke up, the pillow he rested on felt softer than usual. He took a deep breath, your scent wafting around him. His eyes confusedly fluttered opened to see you. His head on your chest as you played your game, your hand running through his hair. You were singing a familiar song under your breath. It made him smile and his cheeks glow a dark red.

 "Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy

 What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy?

 Write my letter

 Feel much better

 And use my fancy patter on the telephone"

 He sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to hide the big grin on his face. That didn't go unnoticed with you. You were about to play it off when you realized what you've been doing ever since you woke up. You blushed darkly, "i-I'm sorry! I was stunned with what you said last night and then you cuddled into me and-" you rambled but kenma cut you off by placing his finger on your lips.

 What the hell did he say before he went to bed last night?

 All he remembered was watching you play then he heard your inquisitive tone that drifted him off to sleep. He dug deeper into his mind when he finally remembered.

  "who was the lucky girl Kuroo was bugging you to confess to?"

 "you. He was bugging me to tell you what I feel. I'm not ready yet."

 Fuck.

 He knew that his face looked like a tomato. He buried his face into his hands. He confessed to you in one of the worst possible times. You scrambled to sit next to him. Patting his back sympathetically. "it's fine, kenma. I know you didn't mean it. You were half asleep and-" you tried to say only to get cut off when he grabbed onto you by the arms and pulled you to look straight into his golden eyes.

 "I wasn't delusional. I know what I said." he said, unable to keep it in any longer. "it was all true. I wanted to confess to you. I just wasn't ready because I didn't know if you even liked me back at all so pushed that thought away. Then I ratted myself out. I didn't want to confess and overwhelm you like that and I'm-" he continued to confess but you stopped him by pressing your lips onto his. When you felt him stiffen up, you got terrified that he didn’t like it so you were about to pull away when he kissed you back, keeping his lips there until you both needed air.

 "i-I don't-"

 "I like you a lot, kenma. I have for a long time and your words made me realize that. Thank you." you smiled at him, pulling him into a kiss one more time.

 "I guess that means I'm your lover boy now?"

 "That was so cheesy, kenken~"

 Kenma has never felt more embarrassed.

 And there we go! Hope you guys enjoyed this one, especially so you, @booksandhoneymilktea! Requests are open so please don't be shy to leave anything in my inbox! Love you guys 💖💕❤️

General taglist (don’t be shy to comment your tumblr @ below): @tokyoghoose @macaronnv @reogou @midnightangelfox @wumboho @seiijixcia

[persephone-plasmids]

Deacon X Sole

The Deathclaw Incident

[AO3]

Sole stood in front of Deacon with her eyes narrowed. A large glob of green slime dripped from the ends of her hair onto the ground with a dull splat. Deacon’s mouth twitched in the corner but he didn’t let himself smile.

“Don’t. Say. Anything.” Sole warned, her already narrowed eyes getting even smaller.

Deacon raised both of his hands up in front of him, the perfect picture of innocence. “I didn’t, Charmer.”

“And don’t call me that,” Sole said with a groan of frustration.

“Why not? I thought you loved the code name?”

“You only call me that when you want me to smile. And I don’t feel like smiling right now,” Sole said, green slime still dripping from her.

“What’s not to smile about? You just killed a Deathclaw while I stood by with a busted gun,” Deacon said, the corner of his mouth now twitching up into a ghost of a smile. “That’s awesome.”

Sole allowed her eyes to lose some of their suspicion as she nodded slowly. “I guess that’s true. I am pretty amazing.”

“And who knows, maybe Deathclaw innard chic will become the new style,” Deacon said, now letting a full-blown grin spread over his face. “Maybe that Deathclaw exploding when you used the alien blaster was the best thing to ever happen to you.”

“There it is,” Sole said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I knew you couldn’t actually be trying to cheer me up right now.”

Sole stomped away towards the nearby sinkhole, careful to avoid the torrential water that would try to pull her into the underground cave if she wasn’t careful.

“Wait, where are you going? I was totally trying to cheer you up!” Deacon said, trotting to catch up to Sole.

He thought it was cute the way she huffed under her breath when she was mad. And he couldn’t ignore the adorable little line that formed between her eyebrows when her face got all scrunched up in anger.

Deacon wanted to take Sole seriously, but these little characteristics that he’d grown used to over the past months were so distracting. He tried to ignore the way his chest tightened when he thought about this.

“Come on. A little slime actually looks kinda cute on you,” Deacon tried.

“I’m going to rinse off in this waterfall, and then we’re never going to talk about this again,” Sole said, pointing an accusing finger at Deacon.

“Scouts honor, boss,” Deacon said, holding up two fingers.

“You were never a scout,” Sole scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

“I totally was. I was the leader of my bear pack… or... whatever they call it,” Deacon said.

Sole shook her head, her face still a perfect mask of annoyance. But when Deacon watched her carefully, he could see the small ghost of a smile that threatened to give her away.

He was getting to her. He was cheering her up.

The thought made his heart leap in his chest and suddenly, the only thing that mattered to him was making that familiar smile appear on Sole’s face.

“We roasted radroach meat and sang songs to get badges on those little sash things. It was adorable,” Deacon said, his easy smile returning to his face.

“Deacon, boy scouts weren’t even a thing in your lifetime. The only reason you know about them is because you’re such a book nerd,” Sole said, her voice significantly softer now.

“You say ‘book nerd’ like it’s a bad thing.”

Sole let a soft small smile pass over her face, another emotion there that Deacon couldn’t quite decipher. Fondness? He hoped that was it.

“It’s definitely not a bad thing,” Sole said. She looked at the ground for a moment, not wanting to meet his eyes. “I actually really love that about you.”

Deacon worked hard to keep his face carefully neutral at her words.

He had never been so grateful for the sunglasses he constantly wore.

“So, are you going to wash that Deathclaw slime off you or what?” Deacon asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence. His tone was light and teasing. He’d mastered the art of appearing calm and collected when he felt anything but.

“Good point.”

“We don’t want you sending off some weird Deathclaw mating pheromones or something. A bunch of Deathclaws looking for a good time is the last thing we need.”

Sole pulled a face of disgust at this. “Yeah, let's avoid that.”

Without another word, Sole turned her back on Deacon and carefully picked her way across the slippery wet rocks to where the waterfall crashed into the sinkhole.

Deacon told himself that he watched Sole to make sure she didn’t lose her footing and get sucked into the underground cave, but he knew that was a lie. Of course, being the incredible liar he was, it only took a moment for him to actually believe that that was what he was doing.

His ability to lie to himself was unmatched.

Deacon watched as the water crashed around Sole, washing off the slime from the Deathclaw fight and the muck from their travel across the Commonwealth that day. Her skin was shiny under the waterfall and her clothes clung to her in a way that made Deacon think he should look away. But he didn’t.

When she finished, Deacon quickly turned away, hoping she wouldn’t be able to see the blush in his cheeks.

Blushing? Really? He was a highly trained Railroad agent who had worked hard to remove any attachments from his life. The fact that he was blushing over a fully-clothed woman was just embarrassing. This was hardly the most compromising position he’d ever been in with someone of the opposite sex.

“I feel so much better.”

Deacon jumped at the sound of Sole’s voice beside him. He had been so focused on appearing uninterested in her little impromptu shower that he’d actually lost track of her for a moment.

“You smell a lot better now too,” Deacon joked, trying to keep his voice light and disinterested.

“Maybe I should have just stayed disgusting. It would be some nice payback for all the showtunes,” Sole said, giving Deacon a sideways smile that made him feel warm all over.

“You should feel privileged that I give our missions their own soundtrack,” Deacon answered. “Besides, I have the voice of an angel and you know it.”

Sole’s sideways smile morphed into a full grin as she watched him. “You do have the voice of an angel.”

Again, the sunglasses were proving to be extremely helpful today in a way Deacon had never anticipated.

“Glad you think so, Charmer.” Deacon let his own smile grow in the quickly fading light. “Wait, am I allowed to call you that again or are you still anti-smiling?”

Sole took a step closer to Deacon with an amused look. “You’re allowed to make me smile again. Now that I’m all clean.”

“Glad to hear it. If I can’t make you smile, what am I even doing here?”

His question was rhetorical but he felt it to his core.

Deacon had been excited for a new person to joke around with when he and Sole had been assigned to start doing missions together, but he knew something had changed. He craved the satisfaction of her smile. Every time it ghosted across her face, he felt like he’d accomplished something incredible. And in those rare instances when he actually managed to make her laugh, it was like he finally knew why he was still wandering across this barren wasteland. Why he hadn’t given up all those years ago after losing Barbara.

Because now, for the first time in years, there was a glimmer of hope. A hint that he could actually be genuinely happy again.

Sole shivered in the dying light, her clothes still wet and clinging to her.

“You’re going to catch a cold if we don’t get you warm,” Deacon said, taking off his leather jacket and wrapping it around Sole’s shoulders.

“Well look at you, Deacon. Who knew you could be such a gentleman,” Sole said, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

Deacon was positive that Sole didn’t know what she was doing to him right now. She was being playfully flirtatious, the way they always were with each other. But for him, it felt like she had his heart in a vice. Every smile only tightened the grip she had on it.

Deacon swallowed hard, desperately trying to hold onto his lighthearted facade that was one smile away from shattering into a million pieces.

“You’re not the only one who can be a charmer,” Deacon said, but his voice sounded all wrong. He hoped Sole wouldn’t notice.

Without thinking, Deacon put his arm around Sole’s shoulders protectively. “Let’s head back to Goodneighbor and get you warmed up.”

Deacon tried to take a step forward, but Sole didn’t budge. When he looked down at her, Sole was watching him, her eyes serious. It was an expression he didn’t see her wear often.

“Something wrong?” Deacon asked, his voice still giving away just how keyed up he was.

Sole swallowed hard and Deacon couldn’t help but notice the rise and fall of her chest. Her breathing was shallow. “I just… thank you for always having my back.”

Deacon shrugged nonchalantly. “You’ve got my back too. It’s just what we do in the Railroad.”

“Just one big dysfunctional family with guns?” Sole asked, repeating Deacon’s words back to him. It had been one of the first things he’d said to her that had made her smile all those months ago.

“Exactly.” His words came out soft. Softer than he’d meant for them to. But their close proximity made him feel like he needed to whisper.

Sole’s eyes darted down to Deacon’s lips for only a split second, but it was enough time for him to suddenly feel self-conscious. Involuntarily, his eyes also trailed down to Sole’s full lips, but he had the added benefit of hiding behind his sunglasses.

“Deacon… all joking aside, I really appreciate you watching out for me.”

“There’s no such thing as ‘all joking aside’,” Deacon said, his eyes still transfixed on the way Sole took her bottom lip between her teeth when she was nervous.

“Maybe just for a second?” Sole asked, turning her body so that she was now facing Deacon head on. She shifted her weight, bringing them even closer together.

He could feel the heat coming off of her body in waves, even as she shivered.

Sole took Deacon’s hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. Deacon’s breath caught in his throat at the unexpected closeness, making him feel ridiculous all over again.

“I guess I can be serious for one second,” Deacon answered. “But it might actually kill me.”

Sole leaned into him, her body now touching his. “It’ll be worth it,” she said, her voice low in a way that gave Deacon chills of his own.

The fabric of Deacon’s white shirt instantly dampened from the water still dripping off of Sole, but he hardly noticed, instead focusing on just how close they now were.

Sole leaned up and touched her nose to Deacon’s lightly, closing her eyes. Deacon seldom saw Sole in such a vulnerable position and the amount of trust it showed shook Deacon to his core.

He tried to be professional; at least, as professional as he ever was. He tried to tell Sole this was a bad idea, that it would make things complicated going forward. But he didn’t do any of that. Instead, he closed the last few inches between them, pressing his lips gently against hers.

Even though Sole had been sending him some obvious signals, Deacon still worried he’d misread the situation and she’d pull away from him. He was surprised when, instead, he felt Sole’s hands press against his stomach, slowly running up his body to his chest and finally behind his neck to pull him firmly against her.

Deacon let his hands rest on Sole’s waist, drawing her to him in the now dark wasteland. With the sound of the rushing waterfall beside them and the occasional distant gunfire that was all-too-common in the Commonwealth, Deacon revelled in this rare stolen moment.

His lips moved over Sole’s slowly and deliberately, wanting to take his time with the kiss. She felt soft and perfect. The way her fingers tangled in his dark hair and her shirt soaked his own grounded him in the moment.

The kiss lasted only a moment, but when Sole pulled away, Deacon felt the inevitable shift in energy between them. He already missed the feeling of Sole’s lips on his own.

“So, did it kill you?” Sole asked, her eyes searching Deacon’s face.

“It did,” he confirmed, still breathless from the kiss. “But you were right. It was worth it.”

Sole placed her hand gently against Deacon’s face, her thumb running along his cheekbone. Every time she touched him, it sparked something inside of him that he hadn’t felt in years.

It was dangerous but thrilling at the same time. Part of him wanted to give into it, but the other part was far too scared to explore those feelings.

“Consider it payment for the jacket,” Sole said, her grin returning before stepping away from Deacon’s embrace.

He instantly missed the warmth from her body, instead left with a dampened shirt and empty arms.

“That jacket is only on loan, you know. I expect it back,” Deacon said, impressed by his own ability to sound nonchalant when, inside, he was dying to be close to Sole again.

“Fine. I’ll give it back one day,” Sole said. “But it looks much better on me.”

“That’s obvious,” Deacon answered. “And if this is the way you pay me back for loaning you a jacket, remind me to give you any article of clothing you ever ask for.”

Deacon raised his eyebrows suggestively at Sole, making her laugh. The sound was soft and musical.

“Now we’re even Sneakin Deacon,” sole called over her shoulder as she sauntered away into the darkness.

Her tone was joking, but before she turned away, he saw the look in her eyes. It was the same one that hid in his own behind his trademark shades.

The kiss had devastated her and much as it had him. It had meant more to her than she was letting on and he knew it.

They were so screwed.

(Part 2)

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I Ever (mildly critical lens)

1. BIG THING. NHIE is not a show that was made directed at me. Yes it has similarities with my heritage as Indian but I am not American. Not born there nor raised. I am a diaspora Tamilian though, and my schools throughout most of my life have had very little Indians and even fewer Tamilians in them. Usually its just me.  So while there is overlap, Devi and I would have innately different experiences and worldviews.

2. Why is her last name Vishwakumar and her Dad’s name Mohan? Where that coming from. Correct me if I’m wrong, but most to all Tamil people use patronymic's right? Like am I right or am I tripping? Someone correct me. I checked Mindy Kaling’s bio and she took her father’s last name so I might be tripping? 

3. Okay straight off the bat, Devi annoyed the hell outta me. Like no joke...I really dislked Devi. But she’s a traumatized teenager who has no common sense and too much hormones. I’ve seen ppl like her so I’m fairly happy we have a flawed and messed up portrayal of a POC and doesn’t feed into the idea of perfection. But also Devi’s mom is suprisingly lenient to Devi’s disrespect man. like I see why but woowowowowo....she’s uncharacteristically tolerant sometimes. 

Now even though I get that Devi is supposed to be flawed and unlikeable. Because she is immensely selfish and bitchy with shitty communication skills. Devi’s friends forgive her waaay to fast. Like ladies, what are you aiming for? SAINTHOOD? Like at least let her grovel a little bit for being such a bitch. 

4. Love interest. Y’all heard me. WHY THE FUCK IS BOTH OF HER INTERESTS WHITE or at least definitely white passing. Like they did Paxton dirty man. Like was it too much? Was it too much to wish for Devi to have more Indian friends or like an Indian/POC love interest? I feel personally that it is such a weird precedent that has been set with POC centric love stories. And this definitely should be a critic that has come up before. 

You know which love stories resonated with me? Nalini and Mohan. Because it represented the possibility of like marrying someone (going off the assumption they were arranged to be married) and falling in love after marriage. A very real scenario for many many couples. Kamala’s entire shenanigan with Steve and Prasanth and having to choose between the uncertain boyfriend situation but losing family but keeping family and going with an arranged marriage. Also props to Kaling for not demonizing arranged marriages. Please please let season 2 explore Kamala’s struggle more. Hell even that one off thing with Eleanor and the tech crew boy was funny. 

5. Kamala’s whole character was many vibes. Because counting down and stressing about marriage is such a goddamn relatable feeling. I ain’t that much younger than Kamala and let me tell you the anticipation/fear is REAL. And like her talking in Ganesh puja and like weighting the options of being a social outcast or going with the arranged marriage and with the hope that like you’ll find someone cool.

6. I don’t like how Devi tries to reject her Indian culture and I really really hope they develop that next season or something and get her to find a balance. Because at the end of that season she did get a good talking to about trying to be Indian enough or too Indian and finding that balance but it doesn’t feel like she’s finding that balance and her being jealous of the other Indian girl does not bode well for me. 

ALSO THEY FUCKING MISSED OUT SO BAD. You make a series about a Tamil American girl and you don’t name drop any famous stars. Thala Thalapathy, Superstar??? VJS?? Surya? Dhanush? Nobody? Why? Like Devi doesn’t know them...makes sense. But like Kamala is from town right? She has to have carried some of that. Like that scene when she called them for a movie right? Why not name drop some famous ass classic like Baasha or Sachein or Roja? Like a cool nod to the Tamil kids out there watching this series to see parts of their culture and language included. Like even the soundtrack and songs have no Tamil songs? Like not even one for the heck of it?? WHY? IS THAT NOT SO SO MUCH MISSED REPRESENTATION? Like typical Tamil things like making a beat out of random shit, Tamil kuthu songs, Typical Tamil mega serials, food and enjoying food together. Like why wasn’t the food stated or name dropped. 

Personally, NHIE was really really really white palatable and it didn’t really get it into any roots of our culture especially for a girl struggling to find roots as in where she fits. Like you gotta show both cultures and let the audience and Devi figure out where she fits. If you show long Netflix shows like Pretty little liars, show alternatives like mega serials such as Chitti or Mudiyaathu Karuppu or Mettioli? Or if you wanna be more modern name drop Tamil webseries’s? If you wanna show English pop hits, show Tamil album songs and kuthu beats. IF YOU WANNA REPRESENT, THEN ACTUALLY REPRESENT. Don’t pull this generic ass BS on me!

5. I hope the lack of tamil culture in the series gets corrected next season somehow. I don’t have ANY ANY faith that it will. But I can be hopeful. Also I lowkey like that Devi has like a “rival” of another Indian girl. I don’t like that is is rivalry cause brown sisters gotta support each other and that’s sort of been the general motto from where I’m from. But like I get why and it would make complete sense. 

I really really hope that Aneesha is like super super Indian. Proud of her culture and brings a lot of her culture and its facets to discussions and not afraid to make her culture a focal point of herself.  It would be a really good foil to Devi and it might spark some thought into her and accepting or at least recognizing the cool shit about being Tamil. I wanna see that mainly cause I used to be lowkey ashamed for having a strong accent when I speak cause I was made fun of and I didn’t like having different lunches or listening to different music and not being part of the more Western culture. But I learnt to ignore that and became like 3000 times more proud of being Tamil and wore like traditional clothes to school, ranging from kurti tops over jeans at first and eventually wearing full on chudidaars and saris (saris to proms at least, I couldn’t wear a sari on a daily, half sari probably, sari would be hard). Bringing traditional sweets and food and distributing them to anyone who would ask and trading lunches.  Please let me see a brown kid who is proud to be brown and straight up in your face about it at times. 

(Unrelated but to Tamil/Indian ppl who had other Indian/Tamil kids in your school like was trading lunches or like sharing lunches common? Like its a pretty common Tamil thing to do and I brought that culture of taking some of everybody’s lunch and giving everybody a part of mine everywhere I went. But like was that a thing? )

[biaswreckme]

looking for something right | jjk/knj

Summary: When Jungkook needs to find a new apartment with a roommate to share expenses, he thinks that the universe must be either laughing at him or conspiring in his favor. Because when he finally finds an ad that fits his budget, his roommate is the tall and handsome man from the coffee shop.

Pairing: Namjoon/Jungkook

Member: Namjoon, Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi

Length: 3568 words

Genre: smut, fluff

Type of AU: roommates au, university au, coffee shop au (kinda) (yes i used all my favorite tropes and aus in one fic)

Rating: 18+

Triggers/Warnings: heavy pining, slightly dom!Namjoon, slightly sub!JK, dry humping, handjob, dirty talking

Project: @thebtswritersclub​ April project with the theme Bloom 🌸

A/N: A huge thanks to my lobely beta-readers @taegularities​​ AND @voiceswithoutlips for help in revising and editing ♥ and also @voiceswithoutlips for the conversation that inspired the smutty scene :3

cross-posted on AO3 too!

Jungkook had seen him around campus before, more specifically in his favorite small coffee shop just outside the university that was much cheaper and actually catered to students’ financial range when it came to prices. He always had a book with him - usually a tome so big Jungkook thought he could do some real damage to someone with it -, reading and taking notes in the margins, which Jungkook thought was an atrocity, but the other boy didn’t seem bothered or apologetic.

He must be an early riser, because he was always there before he arrived, a steaming cup of hot coffee on the table and a bottle of water next to a small open pencil case and sticky notes. He looked too well-put together to be an undergrad, so he assumed he was a grad student. Philosophy maybe? Or something that demanded a constant consumption of large books. And maybe - just maybe - Jungkook shouldn’t have been spending so much on coffee when he could be brewing it at his apartment, but his apartment didn’t have the tall boy - man? - to discreetly look at while having his morning drink.

What his apartment did have was Jimin, his close friend and dance major that moved from Busan at the same time as him. They’d been sharing a place for some time now, but things were about to change. Jungkook knew this had been coming, but the day Jimin came home announcing that he’d been accepted for a scholarship abroad and that he would need to move soon came as a shock. He was extremely happy for him, but they would need to rush the process of moving out and Jungkook finding a new place or roommate.

They opted to let the apartment go, and so Jungkook began his search for a new place to share. He’d looked at listings, visited some places that were out of his budget, and then he found it. It was a small poster at the coffee shop’s cork board from a guy named Namjoon; the place was a block away and it fit perfectly into his budget and what he wanted for the location. It seemed too perfect; there had to be a catch, right? He texted the number - who calls anyone these days anyways? - and arranged to meet him at the coffee shop the next day before classes.

The catch. Oh, there was a catch.

He entered the place as usual, and the only person there was the tall man with a book on the table, steaming drink in his hand. He looked up at Jungkook who froze for a second, nodding his head and going to the counter quickly, barely mumbling his order to the barista trying to not freak out at the eye contact. So he avoided it for the next few minutes, until he heard his name being called out. What? How did he know his name?

“Jungkook?” the man repeated.

“Yes?” he took a deep breath and turned around at the sound of the deep voice.

“I’m Namjoon,” he introduced himself, standing up and motioning for Jungkook to join him at the table. No, no, no. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be him. The universe had to be joking. “Nice to meet you.” He reached out to shake Jungkook’s hand.

He was touching him. And he smelled so good. And his voice was so deep. Jungkook felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush, sighing at the very sight of Namjoon, whose name he now knew. He nodded in response and looked at the counter, trying to take a break from that smile, pretending he was checking if his order was ready. It was not.

“So, you’re interested in the apartment, right?”

“Ah, yeah… my friend and roommate right now, Jimin, you might have seen him around campus? He’s an amazing contemporary dancer, so he got this incredible and super rare scholarship to go study at this academy... I forgot the name,” he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and stop his rambling - to no avail, “anyway he’s moving too soon and I need to find a new place but everything’s so expensive. Yours fits the budget and is so close to uni and I couldn’t help but check you out, I mean, check it out…” He closed his eyes in embarrassment at the slip up, hearing Namjoon’s soft chuckle.

“Alright. What are you studying? Undergrad or grad school?”

“Media. Photography, film making, this stuff. I’m into it. I mean. Excuse me,” he was saved by the barista calling him, and as soon as he got back to the table, he took a sip, burning his tongue - but at least it stopped him from babbling for a second. “Undergrad still,” he complemented.

“Cool. I’m in grad school for social studies, so I’m a TA, but I also work with music production,” Namjoon began, but upon Jungkook’s raised eyebrows and brown eyes rounding up, he continued. “I wanted to get a better grasp on understanding society, so I can write better lyrics and try to integrate that into the music writing itself, you know?”

Jungkook nodded, fascinated. So he was cute and smart. And captivating. The interview didn’t really seem like one; it was so easy to fall into conversation with Namjoon that he did not notice time passing, and soon enough they were cut short, remembering they still had classes to attend.

“Alright, Jungkook. You don’t seem like a serial killer, so how about you visit the apartment to see if you like it?”

Jungkook choked on the last sip of his drink, and he really wanted to answer that he did not need to see the apartment to know he liked him, but he managed to catch himself before letting it out. He knew what Namjoon was seeing right now: his eyes wide open in shock, maybe even a light blush on his cheeks? His ears certainly felt hot. Dear lord, he needed to get a grip on himself.

“I’m not a serial killer, I promise. I’m a law abiding citizen. When are you free? I have classes the whole day today, but I’m free around lunchtime.” Jungkook wanted to dig a hole and hide right in there. Did he sound too eager?

“The sooner the better, but wait,” Namjoon stopped midway while getting up, looking very serious all of a sudden, “I forgot a very important question that might change my mind.”

Jungkook inhaled deeply, dreading the question that was about to come. Did he seem too forward and let the other man know he was into him? Would that be a deal breaker?

“Can you cook?”

“Ah… yes?” Jungkook was caught by surprise, confusion stamped on his face again. “Yes, I can. The basics at least.”

“Oh great! I can’t cook to save my life and I can’t really afford to live on take out anymore, so… we can work something out with that for sure!” He laughed, those dimples adorning his cheeks appearing again.

Soon Jungkook would learn that not only could Namjoon not cook, but he was actually a disaster and walking hazard in the kitchen. The man didn’t even know to properly hold a cutting knife to chop some vegetables or kimchi for a simple plate of fried rice. They attempted cooking together one time and that was enough for Jungkook. That was his kitchen from now on, Namjoon would be responsible for other chores but he himself would do all the cooking in the kitchen. Namjoon was even forbidden from boiling water on an electric kettle; that was the level of disaster-waiting-to-happen that he was.

The apartment was cozy and filled with books and musical equipment, and soon enough Jungkook’s filming materials were sharing the same space. It warmed his heart to come home in the evenings after class and see how his camera bag would be sitting beside Namjoon’s headphones, or how his black chunky sneakers rested beside the other man’s boots at the entrance. Whenever he put on or took off his shoes - which was almost every single day of the week, mind you - he would get a fuzzy feeling in his stomach. He would tilt his head quickly to try and shake the thoughts away, not letting himself hope too much. He had no idea or indication if Namjoon even liked men, and he had no idea why he was even wishing for something more.

He was not exactly sure if he could pinpoint the precise moment in time when his adoration had turned into real infatuation with Namjoon. Maybe it was the fact that the older one was a disaster in the kitchen and always thanked Jungkook, each and every single meal the younger one cooked. Maybe it was the look he sported whenever he was engrossed in a book, glasses almost falling off his nose before a finger would softly push it back up (and Jungkook had found out that he only used his glasses comfortably at home, preferring contacts whenever he was out).

Maybe it was the way he always listened to Jungkook’s ramblings, no matter the topic of interest, from deep art films he had to watch (and Namjoon would actually sit down and watch with him) to the new game he’d been playing. Maybe it was the way he would always wish him a good morning and a good night with that dimpled smile. Maybe it was the way he offered to produce a freaking song to be used as a soundtrack to one of Jungkook’s short films. Maybe it was the way they ended up watching the first snowfall of the season together, side by side, looking out of the living room window. Maybe it was the way Namjoon’s left arm enveloped Jungkook’s shoulders in a soft side hug while they watched the snowflakes drift down and when Jungkook didn’t move, those dimples appeared on his cheeks.

But that was the only physical proximity for a while. The next day Jungkook could barely look at Namjoon and spent the day over at Yoongi’s place. He arrived just in time when Jimin was video calling his boyfriend, and proceeded to freak out about watching the first snow of the season together and it had to mean something, right? He put his arm around him while they stood in front of the window, Jimin, what the hell did it mean?

All the while Yoongi watched him with a cocked head, as if he was thinking hard about something, and then an amused smile shaped his lips. Jungkook thought it must have been because he had never had such a strong reaction for a boy - a man - before, especially one who was his roommate. Was it a brotherly hug? Namjoon hadn’t said anything or done anything else, did it mean he was interested in him or did he see Jungkook as a little brother? He was full of questions and asking them to the wrong people for sure, but he did not want to risk the little he had with Namjoon.

It was winter. The small affectionate moments he had with Namjoon were keeping him going, fueling and warming his heart enough to get through the coldest season. They watched movies together on the couch, huddled up under a blanket with cups of tea warming their hands. Going to the coffee shop in the morning for a cup of coffee before classes. Namjoon waiting for him outside the media building with a cup of hot chocolate in the evenings when he had classes later, walking back to the apartment together. Watching Namjoon work, focused on creating the loop he had been struggling with for a while, nothing seemed to fulfill what he wanted. Namjoon watching him work, editing an experimental short film he filmed for a class group project.

The freezing weeks passed like that, with Jungkook cooking different types of jjigae for them, Namjoon being allowed back in the kitchen mostly to keep him company, telling Jungkook he was hungry and will it take much longer?

He visited Yoongi once a week, calling Jimin together so he could freely talk about his growing fondness for Namjoon and get some advice he was keeping for when he thought the timing was right. Yoongi told him he had to create the right timing and he would actually probably be surprised if he acted on his desires. But Yoongi couldn’t know. He still had no clue about the mystery that was Namjoon’s love life, only that he had never taken anyone to the apartment.

Whether he was even interested in that, Jungkook had no idea, but he also had no courage to ask. Jimin suggested he did what he knew best: work with images. So he had been filming small snippets of their lives, their walks to their coffee shop, comfortable scenes at the apartment when no one else was looking but Jungkook through the camera lenses. Sometimes Namjoon asked to film Jungkook too, or positioned the camera so both of them were caught in the recording.

Winter went and spring came. Just as the flowers were starting to blossom on the street outside their windows, Jungkook was getting ready to show Namjoon the film. As he edited throughout the weeks, he noticed more than once how fondly he would look at the older man, and he could almost swear the gaze was reciprocated when he was not looking, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He made Yoongi promise he could crash at his place for a while in case things got weird and Namjoon kicked him out, to which Yoongi had let out a full laugh, something the boy had never heard before, and merely gave him a Sure, almost as if he was mocking Jungkook.

And so the day came. He chose the perfect song, adjusting his editing to fit the rhythm and lyrics, hoping it would express his love. Yes, he would call it love. He fell in love with the good person that the man was, with all the small quirks and imperfections.

He told Namjoon he had something to show, that he had finally finished his project and wanted to him to see. He waited for Namjoon to come back from his day out nervously, heart racing as he made them some tea while the man showered and got into more comfortable clothes. The video was ready to be played and Jungkook almost gave up, but decided this was the time.

He could not hide his feelings anymore.

And so he pressed play and closed his eyes. He had heard that song over and over again while editing, perfecting each millisecond of the final product. His heart was beating almost as loudly as the song, the sound filling his ears, his fingers clenching the fabric of his oversized black t-shirt, a shaky breath leaving his nose when he heard the final notes.

“Jungkook?”

He took a deep breath before opening his eyes, suddenly finding Namjoon’s face much closer than he was expecting, the man’s eyes staring into his own.

“I love you, too.”

The words had barely registered in his brain - although they had been imprinted on his heart - when Namjoon’s pillowy lips pressed softly against his, one of the man’s hands caressing his cheek, wiping at a tear he did not notice had fallen. He sighed into the kiss, relief perpassing his entire body. He loved him. When it finally clicked for him, his brain finally sent the necessary signals that made his arms go around Namjoon’s neck, his fingers entangling in the man’s hair and pulling him even closer. They moaned almost in synchrony when their tongues touched for the first time, Jungkook’s body almost undulating in a way that made Namjoon tug his hips towards himself, making the younger man sit on his lap.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” the older broke the kiss, staring into Jungkook’s eyes, “been waiting for you,” he murmured against the younger’s lips. As their mouths clashed in an open-mouthed kiss, Namjoon pulled Jungkook’s longer hair, making him bend back so he could have access to the expanse of his neck.

Jungkook moaned when Namjoon’s lips pressed onto his skin, licking and biting and sucking and definitely leaving some marks, and all he could do was clutch the older’s biceps, shifting his hips to try and alleviate some of the pressure that was making his pants tighter. The hand that was not entangled in Jungkook’s dark strands made its way down his body, grabbing a firm buttcheek first, then going to the younger’s hip.

“Wanna ride me?” Namjoon asked low on Jungkook’s ear, biting his lobe after.

“Yes, hyung” the word came out as a whine from Jungkook’s lips, his hips starting to move aided by Namjoon’s firm grip. “Your thighs…” he started, but couldn’t continue when he adjusted his hips just right and his hard erection pressed against one of Namjoon’s thighs.

“Yeah? I’ve seen you looking at them, Kook. So go on, ride my thigh, come on,” he said as he flexed his muscles, his other hand joining the one at Jungkook’s hip, one on each side now to help him move, to watch him fall apart.

Jungkook just closed his eyes and surrendered, his hips moving on their own accord, pressing his cock closer and closer to Namjoon’s, soft whines and pleas tumbling out of his mouth as he lost himself in the movements. It was too much and not enough, his erection pressing just right so his skin glided back and forth on the fabric of his underwear stimulated by the older’s thigh, the couch too small for this - yet he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else at the moment. He needed it, and the sense of urgency overtook his body, his movements more frantic as he gripped the older’s hair and kissed him sloppily, letting out his breathy whimper against Namjoon’s lips. He wanted it.

“I’m… I’m close, hyung,” he had to pause to whimper again, a shiver going through his body from how close he was. “I want to touch you, hyung.”

“Touch me, Kook, make me cum with you, hold on just a bit,” Namjoon all but moaned into his lips when one of the younger’s hands reached into his pants.

Namjoon’s cock was heavy and hard and big, yet the skin was so soft in his hand, and Jungkook immediately closed his fist around it, his palm wet from the precum that had already gathered on the bulbous head, aiding his movement. And if Jungkook thought Namjoon’s speaking voice was deep, his mind and ears were certainly not prepared for the low guttural moan leaving those swollen lips, his own hips stuttering, pleasure coursing through his entire body, from the tip of his toes to the ends of his hair, his cock pulsating with release inside his pants as he pressed it against the strong thigh beneath him. He took a second to breathe and enjoy the tingling in his body, but soon noticed his hand had stopped. His gaze met Namjoon’s, his hand moving up and down inside the man’s pants.

“Cum for me, hyung, please,” he begged, wanting to pay attention to that moment of euphoria when it crossed his hyung’s face. And so it did; he watched as Namjoon threw his head back on headrest of the couch, hips raising and fucking into the tight grip around his cock, that heavy moan escaping his lips again as Jungkook felt the thickness of the release coating his hand. But he kept moving, prolonging Namjoon’s pleasure until it became too much and his hand was stopped, a smile stamped on the older man’s face.

There were no words needed for a while, until it seemed to finally click for Jungkook.

“Wait, you said you love me too.”

“I’ve been trying to express it for a while... And your eyes do this cute thing where they widen whenever you think you are caught and should change your gaze, so I noticed you were interested too. Plus Yoongi told me.”

“Wait, what?” He turned his head fast to look at Namjoon again, “You know Yoongi-hyung?”

And so he explained how they’ve known each other for years and how they’ve collaborated in music production before, under the names of RM and Agust D. He’d heard of RM, even heard Yoongi mentioning it more than once, and thinking back, he kept talking about RM more and more after he moved in with Namjoon. Oh. And then he remembered Yoongi’s smirks and head shakes, his certainty that Jungkook would not be turned down.

“You still haven’t said it.”

“I love you, Namjoon-hyung.”

And as Jungkook woke up the next morning, warm and cozy under Namjoon’s blankets, legs entangled and bodies pressed together, he breathed easier, lighter, happier. And he made a mental note to thank Jimin for applying for that scholarship and being so good that he’d gotten it. Maybe he would have met RM at some point, but he didn’t want to think of other possibilities. Living together and falling in love, getting to know each other was perfect for now.

They met in autumn, got closer through the cold days in winter, and their love bloomed in spring.

He could barely wait to see what summer had in storage for them.

[varric-tethras-editor]

URL Music Meme

A gigantically HUGE shout out to @blueheaded (also @the-dreadful-canine and @little-lightning-lavellan) for tagging me in this. I have been really inactive but this will be a nice post for the end of a very very long day/week/month/summer/life

I decided for a twist I would include my favorite lyrics from each song and of course each are linked for your listening pleasure!

(Asterisk songs/lyrics are all time favs)

***

V - Victoria by Jukebox the Ghost And now you've given me a mission to do, I've got to rearrange the stars so that they're not as far from you. A - Apartment by Young The Giant Cause sooner or later this is bound to stop Come on, let's savor what we're falling over R - Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen Hold on to me I never want to let you go Over the weekend we could turn the world to gold* R - Ribs by Lorde This dream isn't feeling sweet, we're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone, it feels so scary getting old I - Ivy by Taylor Swift How's one to know? I'd live and die for moments that we stole On begged and borrowed time C - Chasing A Feeling by LÉON* We used to stay up forever Just to make every moment last T - Time Turned Fragile by Motion City Soundtrack I know I say that, I'm just fine But I hope you wonder from time to time E - Enough For You by Olivia Rodrigo Don't you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? T - Traveling Song by Ryn Weaver Half a heart is aching to grow Soulmates aren't just lovers, you know H - Honey by Halsey She was sweet like honey But all I can taste is the blood in my mouth And the bitterness in goodbye R - Recovery by Frank Turner Because I know you are a cynic but I think I can convince you, yeah, 'cause broken people Can get better if they really want to Or at least that's what I have to tell myself If I am hoping to survive*** A - All Too Well by Taylor Swift* And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest* S - Serotonin by girl in red Oh, been breaking daily, but only me can save me So I'm capitulating, crying like a fucking baby E - Evergreen Cassette by Goldspot If time, time could be bent with the drop of a tear You'd see it rain in our house for a year D - Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine What a match, I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet I - If Work Permits by The Format Love is speaking in code It's an inside joke Love is coming home*** T - This Must Be The Place by Iron & Wine and Ben Bridwell Home, is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home she lifted up her wings Guess that this must be the place O - Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish I've been walkin' through a world gone blind Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind R - Rivers and Roads by The Head and The Heart A year from now we'll all be gone All our friends will move away And they're goin' to better places But our friends will be gone away

Tags under the cut 💖💖💖

@kantrips @ellenembee @purahs @a11sha11fade @a-shakespearean-in-paris @oxygenforthewicked @emerald-amidst-gold @fernaee @maferaths-balls @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold @malewifezevran @cciarants

[ordinaryschmuck]

Starkid Musicals Ranked from Worst to Best

Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Welp. I finally did it. I've watched the entire Starkid musical library, and I must say, most of these plays fit my writing style perfectly:

Humor that is cynical yet random

Leaning in with comedy while sprinkling in some well-executed drama

An understanding that any type of story works as long as the cast of varying personalities of characters is dynamic enough to result in some phenomenal chemistry.

This is in almost all of their plays, excelled through fantastic writing and stellar performances driving the overall quality. And it inspired me not only to review each musical, but also ranking them all from worst to best. Or, more accurately, least good to most good. Because even at their "worst," Starkid still provides a funny, enjoyable experience that will keep you laughing with its comedy and your toes tapping with its catchy music. So strap in as I go in-depth into how Starkid proves how they are the masters of humor and melody.

(I'll also provide links to each musical, which is all for free on YouTube, so you can check them out yourselves. Just know that their early work is impossible to enjoy without subtitles, so you might want to have Closed Captions on when watching.)

#12-Holy Musical B@man-Everything about this play makes it seem like it's the weakest to me. The jokes, songs, and characters in Holy Musical B@tman just don't hit as hard as Starkid's other plays. It's still good, but compared to their best, the cracks show a lot more. That is, except for the ending. Not only is there a great speech that shows what makes superheroes so beloved, but "Super Friends" might just be my favorite finale song Starkid has ever put out. Holy Musical B@tman may not be the best, but it's at least worth the time.

#11-Firebringer-This was stupid. Really stupid. Funny as f**k, but still pretty stupid. Although I will give credit to one of the central pairings being LGBTQA+...Even though it makes little to no sense based on the characters' previous interactions. But in fairness, Starkid really sucks at writing good romantic relationships, so at least Firebringer has the benefit of being gay. And as we all know: The gayer, the better. The play is still stupid, though.

#10-Me and My Dick-The world in this musical makes little to no sense. Penises and vaginas are sentient and can communicate with their humans. And yet the penises and vaginas can also talk with each other, form relationships, leave their humans, and reinsert themselves into others--Yeah, it makes no sense...But, DAMN, is it funny! Every joke and innuendo Me and My Dick has about human anatomy works, and I could not stop laughing at each of them. Especially the names that were given to the vaginas, which are just...I mean, I'm laughing just by thinking about them. That should tell you how funny they are. This play might be illogical in every way, but if you turn your brain off and watch it for the humor, you'll definitely be in for something fun.

#9-ANI: A Parody-What's weird about ANI is that its best qualities are also weaknesses. A good chunk of the jokes are hilarious and expertly delivered. The issue is that most of them are about taking potshots at the Star Wars prequels, which might be the laziest jokes to make in a Star Wars parody. Then there's the soundtrack, having several songs that are a bop to listen to. The problem is that ANI suffers from the same issues as Tarzan and Brother Bear: Yes, technically, it is a musical, but it's one where none of the characters sing, and some people in the background do all the singing instead. It's all an odd balancing act of quality content made through questionable choices. ANI is still an entertaining play, but the force isn't as strong with this one.

#8-Black Friday-This might be the least funny play that Starkid has ever put out. Not just because it leans extra hard into drama, which was pretty effective during certain scenes. It's just when there are jokes in Black Friday, they tend to fall flatter more here than they did in other plays. Also, the plot of Black Friday might not be the best one to play straight. The serious moments work best when focusing on the characters and their personal struggles, but through the big bad that's supposed to be threatening? Not so much. Even if it was meant to be funny, well, I wasn't laughing. And believe it or not, I consider that to be the best judge of whether or not something is funny. That being said, while Black Friday isn't the most humorous Starkid musical, it's still pretty good. The characters are excellent, the songs are awesome, and the story is somewhat easy to follow. I would have appreciated a few more laughs, but I can respect these talented people wanting to challenge their strengths.

#7-Starship-This play feels very...Disney. It follows a familiar formula we've seen several times: The main character wants more than what he has in his crappy life, miraculously gets the exact thing he wants, falls in love with a girl in a short amount of time, faces off against a campy/over the top villain, realizes the hand he's been dealt isn't so bad, and in the end, gets what he wants anyway. Starship is still pretty entertaining through its jokes, characters, and songs, but it also feels weird that Starkid leans into these tropes when they would eventually make a much better play by making fun of them. The end result is not bad in the slightest, but it's also nowhere near their best.

#6-A Very Potter Musical-Starkid's first production, and boy, what a start to something wonderful. Every one of their gimmicks and motifs is present in A Very Potter Musical. The use of parody to playfully mock characters and stories they love, making songs that are as funny as they are emotional, and creating characters that work because of their lines and the actors' performances. Oh, and also, it's funny. And it’s not just through a parody angle, like making Cedric be a perfect boy who's always smiling. It's also funny through its jokes that work, even if you ignore the fact that it’s a parody altogether. Case in point, there are these two bits, one involving Voldemort and Beatrix with the other involving Ron and Hermoine, that are written and delivered so well that I was in tears much more than with any other Starkid play. When watching A Very Potter Musical, you'll not only understand how parody works, but you'll also gain an understanding of why Starkid turned out as successful as they did.

#5-The Trail to Oregon-What can I say? I'm a sucker for comedic dysfunctional families. And seeing a family of idiots make their way to Oregon via The Oregon Trail parody? Yeah, that's a win for me. The play may be another family road trip narrative, which some people might get sick of at this point. But because the dynamics and comedic chemistry everyone has with each other are on point, the end result proves that you don't need an original story to tell an entertaining one. Although I will say that out of all of Starkid's productions, The Trail to Oregon has by far the worst ending. Without giving anything away, the play spends way too much time on this one stupid joke that any of the characters could make. Comedy is defined by personalities, as are most things, so making the joke work for anyone is a bad move when this one, in particular, doesn't fit as well for some characters as it would for others. Plus, the finale song "Naked in a Lake" is a really poor choice to cap off this musical. It's catchy, but to me, a finale song should encapsulate everything about the story, characters, and themes. Not paying off a joke that I honestly wouldn't want the payoff for. So while the ending could have used a lot more polish, that doesn't change how The Trail to Oregon is a pretty funny play that I won't mind revisiting when I have the chance.

#4-A Very Potter Sequel-Hey, sometimes a sequel is better than the original. Sure some jokes don't land, and some story beats aren't as impactful as they thought they were (Serious Black's introduction, for example), but there are far more improvements to this play than the last one. The performances are stronger, the jokes are funnier, the music is catchier, and the characters are much more entertaining in this play than in A Very Potter Musical. Especially new additions like Lupin and Lucious Malfoy, who provide great comedy and sublime drama at times. And Umbridge. Sweet Mother of all that is holy, Umbridge. While A Very Potter Sequel never made me laugh to tears as the first play did, twice, Professor Umbridge carries the comedy so well that she surpasses all of that. Plus, on top of it all, this play nails its ending through a bittersweet note that really captures what makes Hogwarts so special to these characters. I always feel like Starkid's plays tend to lose steam during the last few minutes, but A Very Potter Sequel is one of the few instances that it just builds and builds to a perfect ending. A Very Potter Sequel might not always hit the right marks, but the results are just magical when it does get it right.

#3-The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals-This one is pretty clever. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is one of those stories that manages to be explicitly hilarious yet implicitly disturbing. For instance, people suddenly bursting into perfectly choreographed musical numbers in a world where songs are exclusively diegetic is pretty funny (especially through the characters' reactions to it). However, knowing what happens to these people and why they sing and dance so expertly helps make the whole situation pretty dire. It's an excellent balancing act that not many stories can accomplish. And while The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals leans one way or the other at times, it's still all handled really well. Oh, and also, you know how most people say the villain song is the best one in any musical? Well, technically speaking, nearly every song in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is the villain song. Including the finale, which is just too brilliant for me not to give a round of applause. If you're a person who unfortunately doesn't like musicals either, I'd say be more than willing to give this one a chance. It's funny, catchy, and if you think of the implications, pretty damn disturbing.

#2-A Very Potter Senior Year-...You know how Avengers: Endgame is a bit of a mess, yet people still love it for how much of a perfect (sort of) finale it is? It's the same regard with A Very Potter Senior Year in my eyes. It's far from a masterpiece, but the many, many solid scenes that cap off this series help make me willing to overlook the mistakes. The characters, callbacks, and overall message about how things end was done so expertly well that I physically can’t hate this one. I can understand how it's more of an ok play when compared to the rest of Starkid's productions, but sometimes, ok is wonderful.

#1-Twisted: An Untold Story of a Royal Vizier-...It's Twisted. Everyone loves Twisted! And how could they not? Everything about this play just screams Starkid at their best. The comedy is uproarious, added with the fantastic delivery of the actors and the characters' personalities. Everyone feels as though they have one step in reality and the other in insanity. This, to me, seems like the best type of character work when going for the parody angle. Parody is about giving slight yet snide remarks toward the work you're mocking, which I feel works best when characters drop the suspension of disbelief audiences have when enjoying such a story. And Twisted definitely nails its satire in not only poking fun at Aladdin but also making jokes towards Disney as a brand. From their movies to their inside jokes to their formulas to even their corporate dealings with Pixar, nothing about Disney is sacred in Twisted. But on top of being funny, Twisted might just be the most successful Starkid has been with telling some really compelling drama. The jokes allow themselves to take a back seat to let serious moments play out, and even comedy is added, it provides more for the experience rather than taking anything away. You see this not only through the actors giving it their all but even through some really gorgeous and heart wrenching musical numbers. Oh, and also, Twisted has the best Starkid soundtrack, featuring songs that are epic, funny, and, as I said, heartbreaking. You cannot get better than this and, if you want to get a friend interested in Starkid as a whole, this might be the play for them. Scheherazade may have a thousand tales, but his one is a tale I wouldn't mind hearing for a thousand nights.

And that's about how I feel about Starkid and each and every one of their plays. Odds are your ranking would be much different from mine, and I'm all for that differing opinions. Feel free to make your own ranking if you want because I'm honestly curious where fans would place these plays above or below others. I'm relatively new to enjoying their work, so I have no idea what the consensus is. I do know one thing, though: If Starkid can still be incredibly entertaining through over ten years of content, then I am excited to see what they can accomplish next in another ten years.

[blouisparadise]

Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics posted or completed during the month of August. We really hope you enjoy this list and that you give these fics a lot of love.

Happy reading!

1) Move Out | Explicit | 1525 words

Harry and Louis are moving in together, so they might as well make the most of Harry's apartment.

2) Take Off Your Business Suit | Explicit | 3082 words

“Yes, let me get another chair.” Louis said, leaning up off of the desk. He stood up but before he could leave the office to get another chair, Harry was grabbing his hand.

The words that came out of Harry’s mouth made Louis’ knees weak and heart beat quicken. “Just sit on my lap.” Harry said. Whatever he said afterwards didn’t make it into Louis’ ears as he was moving quickly over to Harry and placing himself on Harry’s lap.Louis would take anything Harry wanted to give him; hand touching, lap sitting, all of it.

Louis hadn't realized he was holding his breath until it came out in a quiet sigh. “Okay so th-this one will be slightly different right?” He asked as he pointed at the sheet of paper in front of him.

3) So Good, It's Making Me Drool | Explicit | 3364 words

He kept his back turned to Harry, whispering the few words he knew that would make Harry go absolutely wild. “If I’m only yours, maybe you should take me to bed and teach me who I belong to.”

4) What I Like | Explicit | 4245 words

Note: This fic has mentions of BH.

Harry gets tired of the "older women" jokes and the incessant teasing from Louis.

5) ll Belong To Your Creation | General Audiences | 4349words

Louis had always thought it was impossible to do so. Thankfully, upon doing research he learned that he still can as long as there are no complications throughout the whole pregnancy. He also stumble upon a birth vlog where a mum was able to give birth naturally even after going through c-section with her first and second pregnancy.

6) An Axolotl and the Fake Date | Explicit | 5976 words

Harry runs a stall at a farmers market every weekend and Louis comes by one day with an odd request.

7) Feels So Right | Explicit | 8804 words

The one where Louis is Troy, Harry is Gabriella, and we find out what really happened after karaoke at that ski resort...

8) Giallo! | Mature | 9776 words

Louis was a mess. A stuttery mess of weak knees and grass stains on his fresh linen clothes, his cheeks blooming a natural pink that matched his sunburnt nose. Upon his return from University, his family abandon the bustling city of London to bask in the comfort of their summer villa. With such a property came maintenance, Louis' father hired a strapping young fellow with tanned skin littered with ink and a charming smile aided by dimples in both his cheeks. Between reading, baking and painting, Louis stares at Harry, he couldn't help it. They grow close under the sun of Greece in 1989.

9) Interlude: One Night in March | Explicit | 10671 words

Note: This is a sequel to this fic.

“Said I would, didn’t I?” Harry let his hands roam over Louis’s bare back, his muscles rippling with that same frenetic energy he always had, swirling just beneath the skin, just beneath Harry’s fingers. “May come a time I’ll have to carry you again.”

Cupping the back of his head and burying his fingers in Louis’s hair, he pulled Louis back into another deep kiss, moaned a bit when Louis squeezed his chest again, harder this time, like he wanted the shirt off. But instead he drew his hand down Harry’s side and tugged at the hem, as though to say best keep this on, before he licked into Harry’s mouth, drew Harry’s tongue out to play only to pull back enough to speak.

“May come a time I’ll actually fucking let you.”

10) Hate To Smoke (Without Me) | Mature | 12164 words

Sleep. Harry just wants one good night of sleep. However, his neighbour has a thing for headboard-banging-against-the-wall-sex every night. After a secret set-up and a bet, Harry may finally get the sleep he so much desires.

11) Call You Mine | Explicit | 12755 words

“I have a request.”

That’s what Louis Tomlinson says to Harry when he opens the front door a bit too aggressively. The latter feels justified after a round of annoyingly incessant knocking that was much too loud in the drowsy sludge of early Saturday morning.

“Zayn’s asleep,” is Harry’s tired, hoarse reply, irritation prickling at his skin. Less than a minute ago he was in bed, feeling perfectly content sprawled out on the mattress with the chilled air from the fan cool against his bare skin. And now he’s leaning up against the wooden door frame in nothing but his briefs because Zayn’s best mate decided that showing up unannounced at seven in the fucking morning was a brilliant idea.

“I’m not here for him,” says Louis curtly.

12) A Vivid And Wistful Melody | Explicit | 13128 words

"Slowly, he takes his violin out of its case, listens for a few more minutes to Louis’ flute, before joining him as best as he could. The flute stops for a few seconds, and Harry imagines Louis blinking cutely, taken aback, before huffing with a smile, and starting to play again, on a suddenly far happier tune. Harry closes his eyes as he twirls around the living room, violin in hand and music filling the air. He pictures Louis doing the same in his own flat while being careful as to not step on his cat.

Somehow, even with heavy eyes and tired limbs, this is the happiest Harry has ever felt in years."

In which they are neighbours stuck at home and they happen to start talking through a wall with a piano, a violin, and a flute. They end up writing the soundtrack of their own love story.

13) Until This Blood Runs Cold | Explicit | 13685 words

In a town as small as Louis’, everybody knows everybody and gossip spreads faster than the wildfires that rage on just outside their backdoors in the sweltering heat of summer. When something happens here everyone knows about it within seconds. Neighbors call neighbors and notes are left on doorsteps, old telephone lines ringing until there isn’t a single person who is left in the unknown.

So it’s definitely hot gossip when a vampire moves in across the street from him, the very same one who’s just become Louis’ boss.

14) A Road To Hope | Explicit | 18280 words

Note: There is no explicit smut but its implied BL.

“We’re far from the people and their issues, don’t hold back. Please.”

It’s true. They are far away from anything that could stop them, the middle of nowhere being the safest place on Earth for them to fall in love. The sacred land where sacred love is created. However, Louis is certain that even if they weren’t safe, he wouldn’t resist the sight of Harry, his pleading eyes, his warm skin beneath his touch.

15) Your Eyes Of Blue, Your Kisses Too | Explicit | 21785 words

When they get out onto the streets away from the crowds Niall turns to walk backwards, “So did you get any leads?”

“Well- uh.”

Niall shakes his head, “Too busy kissing that pretty boy onstage, I see. Gonna blow the whole case for a piece of ass?”

16) Thinking About Peaches | Explicit | 23724 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic, which is #18 on this list.

Eight smutty drabbles following the events of bruise you like a peach.

17) Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds | Mature | 38065 words

Broadway shows were one of the few things that could keep Louis’ attention for a full two hours without needing to move about. But not tonight.

The alpha next to him was both infuriating him and practically turning him on at the same time. He needed to leave. The alpha, that is. Louis was staying.

18) Bruise You Like A Peach | Explicit | 40694 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #16 on this list. 

There’s two reasons Harry despises Econ.

The first is that it’s boring as fuck. The second reason is a bit more personal, a bit more focused in a way. As in it’s focused on one specific thing, or in his case, person.

His name is Louis Tomlinson.

19) Falling Out Of Fashion | Explicit | 42123 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Harry Styles has been the established face of the Grimshaw House of Design for two years. It’s a prestigious and coveted modeling contract Harry took away from once-famed supermodel Zayn Malik. With the model transition Grimshaw’s designs went from a more urban, Zayn-forward aesthetic, to a Harry-favoring flowery, flowing femininity in the Grimshaw designs for men.

So when Harry sees a dress Grimshaw made for a famous Marvel actress, “only a tease”, Nick says, of the evolving look, Harry knows Grimshaw is shifting his aesthetic.

Harry wonders if he can pull off the look.

Or could Grimshaw be looking for a new face?

20) Secretly Dating | Mature | 43615 words

Lottie groaned, looming over Louis with a glare. “If we’re late, Mum and Dad will never let Harry see me – ie. see you.”

It was the first time they openly addressed the fact that Harry saw more of Louis than Lottie on their supposed ‘dates.’ He supposed he knew as much, but it still startled him. “You’ve been setting us up!”

Lottie snorted, cocking out her hip and brushing her blonde hair over her shoulder. “Honestly, Harry. You’re so dense. To be fair, it was at Louis’ request.”

Louis’ mouth gaped like a fish as he jumped to standing position, wobbling only slightly. “Don’t sell me out!”

Lottie rolled her eyes. “Come on lovebirds.”

21) You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) | Mature | 95417 words

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

22) The Healing Song | Mature | 111851 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis was carrying the large stuffed elephant like it was a baby, it’s trunk hanging over his shoulder and down his back and it’s front legs were resting around his neck, like it was hugging him. Said elephant was a present from Louis’ close friend Steve, who had thought Louis needed something to hug on bad days and had gifted him with a stuffed elephant the size of a one year old.

Steve had been right. Some days Louis did need something to hug, and this elephant was as good as anything.

Louis was having one of the rougher days. The harmonious state of the anxiety free life of a fearless Louis had ended the week after he met with Harry. It ended as abruptly as it had started. It was like pushing a button. Lights out. Almost as if the universe said “You’ve had your fun, crazy one, now go be sick” and slammed the door in his face.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Teenage Dream

CW: Pet whump/dehumanization/whump of a minor in 2nd section, some brief noncon references in 2nd and 3rd sections, gratuitous Katy Perry in every section because Chris wouldn’t fucking shut up until I wrote this.

---

“Come on, Aki, please? Please?” Tristan’s pleading is married to his big green eyes and his coppery hair shifting across his forehead. The perfect sincerity of his request would crack any facade of ironic detachment. And Akio is trying to look detached.

“Tris, nobody likes that fucking song.”

“That’s, that’s not true, ev-everyone does, it’s on on on the radio all the, the, the, um, the time,” Tristan counters easily, and Akio can’t exactly argue that. And he can’t say well nobody cool likes it, because of course Tristan wouldn’t know he was joking and not being mean. He can’t always tell what’s a joke and what isn’t, and Akio heaves the most dramatic sigh he can manage and allows the younger boy to pull him onto his feet, making a big show of dramatic reluctance as he goes stumbling forwards onto the practice mat. 

“Just because it’s on the radio doesn’t make it good, Tris.”

“But, but, but I like it, and-... and I had some, um… some ideas. Please, Akio?” 

There’s the big green eyes again.

Akio sighs, rakes a hand back through his hair only to have it flop back over his forehead, and smiles. “Yeah, fine. Okay, Tris, show me.”

“Yes! Awesome. Thank-... thank, thank you, Aki.” Tris pulls him in for a hug, crushing tight like nearly all of Tristan Higgs’ hugs are, and Akio tries to look aloof and above it all. Someone nearby wolf-whistles and Akio throws a middle finger in no particular direction in response. 

“Get a fucking room, Nakamura,” Lisa Huang calls out, stretching her legs off to the side. Akio changes the direction of his middle finger to aim directly at her.

“Yeah, but then you’d miss the show, Huang, and what would you do then?”

“Oh, oh, oh my God,” Tris mutters, his face bright red, but he’s bouncing on his toes and his fingers are tapping on Akio, so he knows it’s okay. “This, this, it’s not-”

“Hey, she’s just being a shit because she’s jealous I get the Tris hugs. Aren’t you, Huang?”

“Literally, I am going to melt into the floor from envy any minute now,” Lisa replies, sitting back on her hands. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to hug the Tristan Higgs and Akio Nakamura, huh? And yet-” She throws her hand over her forehead dramatically. “Neither of you ever notice me.”

“Sorry, Huang, my heart belongs to Tris.” 

“What?” Tristan’s eyes are wider than ever, not following the joke, it’s all so sincere to Tristan unless he’s mad, and then he seems to get sarcasm well enough. 

Akio just grins. “Kidding, Tris. Come on, show me the idea you had. I want to see, even if it means… listening to… that.”

“No, you’ll like it, Aki, I-I-I promise. Can, can, can you hit, um, um… play, Lisa?” Tris yells over the sound of the others talking, working out, practicing on the bars or the beams, the low-level noise the gym is always filled with. Akio and Tristan are officially not practicing today, but they’d both wanted to come here and Akio’s mom had been okay with driving them on her way to take Akio’s little sister to kiddie soccer, and Tris’s mom is going to pick them up later to take them home.

So here they are.

And here Tris is, convinced Akio should help him build a routine to Katy fucking Perry.

“Okay, Tris,” Akio says, and sits himself down at the edge of the mat next to Lisa Huang, legs crossed, elbows on his knees. “Here we go.”

“You know which song it’s gonna be, right?” Lisa says under her breath, finger hovering over the button on the ancient CD player that their coach lugs around. “You know it’s gonna be-”

“Yeah,” Akio breathes. “I know. Just hit the fucking button.”

Lisa laughs, presses play, and they watch Tris take a breath, shake out his shoulders as guitar starts up first. He flashes a smile at Akio over his shoulder.

You think I’m pretty, without any makeup on…

Akio manages to suppress a groan and watches Tris dance, the dancing is always effortless to him, natural rhythm running through him. 

“God, I wish men did music with their routines,” Lisa mutters. “He’d nail every single one.”

“He nails it anyway.”

“Yeah, but with a soundtrack.”

He takes position, runs, hits his mark, and flips three times, spins, and lands right as the voice sings, you make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream, slowly turning, dropping into splits and back up again. Akio feels his own legs tighten in sympathy. 

I can’t sleep, let’s run away and don’t ever look back

“I hate this fucking song so much,” Akio says, and watches Tris line up for his next run. 

“Yeah, but you like him,” Lisa points out.

Akio rolls his eyes. “Everyone likes Tris. He’s my best friend.”

Don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back-

Tris misses the landing this time and goes down hard, rolling across the mat. Akio’s on his feet before a second has passed, and by the time he makes it to Tris, the other boy is already laughing, shaking it off, ready to start again.

Akio helps him up to his feet, and fuck it, he’ll listen to the song again if he has to. He sits down next to Lisa again, but he can already see how it would work - he’ll move around Tris fluidly, they’ll match movements here and here and here, and then they can run past each other at just the right time…

Lisa looks at him sidelong. “Now, see, you’re getting into it.”

��He is.” Akio shrugs. “I just like seeing him all excited.”

“What would you do without Tristan Higgs, huh?”

Akio watches, carefully, as Tris nails the spin this time, watches him drop into the splits and back up, rock his hips. “I don’t know,” He says, finally. “Probably waste the fuck away, Huang.”

“Damn straight. Five bucks says you guys end up with one of those ‘if we’re not married by 30, we’ll marry each other and get eleven cats’ deals.”

Akio snorts. “I’m allergic to cats.”

There’s a silence. “What, is that your only problem with that plan?”

“I don’t see any downsides to the rest of it. Do you?”

---

Nancy clears off the breakfast table. Mr. Branch is long gone, up to his office for a meeting with a few state senators on a piece of legislation, something about changing a holiday over to another holiday or something. She isn’t all that interested, really, but Mr. Branch likes to talk through things with her or the little pet before he gives interviews or has meetings. Likes a sounding board.

She’s paid well enough to listen, now and then, to something she doesn’t much care about.

Still, it means she’s late getting the table cleared. 

She’s got her little radio set up in the corner, playing a soft rock station, just something to fill the silence broken otherwise only by the soft clinking of spoons on bowls. Mr. Branch had had oatmeal this morning, with fresh fruit and a drizzle of syrup on top, a scattering of almonds. Watching his figure, he says, with a smile, and Nancy always smiles back.

The coffee cup is going to have a ring, she’ll have to scrub that out, won’t she? Well, that’s not so bad. 

You make me feel like I’m livin’ a teenage dream, the way you turn me on, a woman’s voice blares out from the radio. 

Nancy wrinkles her nose. 

Teenagers, in her experience, are entirely too much trouble and don’t know a damn thing. A song glorifying that whole lack of self-control doesn’t exactly seem like a good idea to her. Teenagers are a hassle, messy and a struggle to care for, and she can’t figure out why Mr. Branch wanted to bring one into the house so badly.

Well, no.

She knows why.

She tries very hard not to think about it, but she knows.

Honestly, Baldur is probably the most well-behaved teenager she’s ever met. The poor thing doesn’t have enough memory to be ungrateful, and he’s not going to roll his eyes or talk back any time soon, is it? They train all those impulses out of them, in that WRU facility.

He wouldn’t dare.

She hears a soft scrape, the unmistakable shuffling footsteps of Baldur himself, and glances up at the door.

He’s peeking in, Mr. Branch’s skinny pet, hair hanging over his hazy green eyes, slightly narrowed in an attempt to see her in focus through the drugs he is fed each morning like clockwork, keeping him slow, docile, easy to control.

Maybe he doesn’t roll his eyes because he’d fall over if he had to do more than one thing at once, including simply standing up.

“Can I help you?” Nancy asks, adding a sharp edge to the question. Her stomach flips, as always uneasy when she’s alone with the pet. 

Baldur licks at his lips, carefully nudging the doorway open just a little more, his eyes shifting away from her and down to the floor. He’s barefoot and wearing a tailored sweater and slacks, like any high-class boy. What gives him away of course is the barefeet, and the collar at his throat, soft green leather that probably doesn’t feel any different than skin to him.

After all, he never takes them off.

Is he even fully aware he has one on?

“I… I like the song,” He says, slurring his words with difficulty. He sways a little, catches himself, sways again. Leaning against the doorframe for support. His eyes are so very wide, so deeply green. His narrow face is pinched with the effort it’s taking him to pull his thoughts together enough to speak. “On th’... the radio, Miss Nancy. Like th’ song.”

Nancy turns to glance at it, as though the radio had just appeared when he spoke about it.

Let’s run away and don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back

He likes the song? He isn’t supposed to like anything.

She steps over to the radio and briskly changes to a different station. A warbling country song is halfway through, something about lights and a woman who left. Every light in the house is on…

Baldur flinches back.

He looks like a sad sort of kitten, and it makes Nancy feel angry and guilty in equal measures. She leans into the anger to avoid the hint of thought inside of her that makes her think perhaps she should push the damn thing out the front door, put him on a school bus with the field trip children, and pretend she has no idea how he got there.

Make him someone else’s problem.

But then she’d have to explain how she knew he was here in the first place for this long, wouldn’t she?

 “You know you’re not allowed music,” She chides him, and watches him sink back into himself. She swallows back the guilt. She’s not the one who signed up to spread his legs for Mr. Branch, now is she? No, the boy made a choice, and it’s none of her concern what led to it or that he regrets it now.  “What would your Sir say if he caught you skulking around eavesdropping on hardworking employees instead of taking a nap, hm? Or doing your exercises?”

“He would… be upset,” Baldur says, softly. “I’m sorry, Miss Nancy. I didn’t…” He swallows, again and again, as though there’s something in his throat. His head drops against the doorframe and she wonders if Oliver gave him too much this morning, if the poor boy is going to collapse into unconsciousness right here. “Please… please don’t tell him, Miss Nancy.”

Well, he better not collapse, because she sure won’t be picking him up if he does. He can lay right there and wait for Oliver to handle his disobedience. “I won’t, if you’re a good boy now. Go back to bed, Baldur,” She says, a little more gently this time. “Your Sir will want you well-rested this afternoon, his schedule is cleared then.”

He looks up at her, and for a second he looks incredibly young, and terribly frightened.

Her heart twists, before she can stop it.

I didn’t make him this. He chose it.

She hardens her expression against his fear. He’s afraid of Mr. Branch, she knows it well enough. He’s afraid, and he’s bruised at the wrists and ankles most of the time. Last week there were red marks around his neck at breakfast, and Mr. Branch would only mention a game, the poor love couldn’t stand forever, I suppose. 

And he’d laughed.

She turns away from the pet’s terror, rattles the plates together to make a point that he is dismissed. She won’t look at those wide green eyes again. He signed a contract, after all. What is it to her if he doesn’t like the fine print? 

“Yes, Miss Nancy,” He says softly, and in a second he’s gone. She listens to the fading shuffle of his footsteps along the hallway, the sound of Oliver’s bedroom door opening and closing. He’ll be out before ten minutes has passed, she has no doubt. He’ll sleep away the morning like he sleeps away so much of his life. 

She makes a note to herself to be out of the residence before Mr. Branch comes back after lunch, ignoring the needling stab of something in the back of her mind, something very like guilt.

He’s a boy.

No, she reminds herself firmly. He’s a pet. And he chose to be one.

She turns the radio back to the soft rock station and tells herself she won’t think about him again.

---

“You think I’m pretty, without any makeup on,” Chris sings along with the mp3 player in the kitchen, dancing around with a wooden spoon up to his mouth like a microphone. “You think I’m funny when I tell the punchline wrong, I know you get me, so I let my walls come down… do-oh-own…”

His voice cracks on the high note, but Jake holds back any reaction, scrubbing at a stubborn spot on the countertop that he’s beginning to think is just part of the stupid house now. When does a stain stop being a stain and become a fixture?

And here you’ll see the sign of where I spilled pasta sauce and didn’t notice until the next day and what the fuck is the countertop even made of…

Not that Nat will sell this house, she’ll probably stay here until she’s a decrepit old woman surrounded by rescues taking care of her. The house is Nat, in a way that Jake can’t define and doesn’t really try. She’ll be telling people an epic story about it being a bloodstain or something one day, all wrinkled and gray-haired.

“My heart stops when you look at me,” Chris sings, and Jake watches his hair fly around as he spins, the copper catching yellowed morning sun through the kitchen window. 

Should he tell Chris that he doesn’t stammer when he sings?

The barcode on the inside of his left wrist is the black blot marring the moment, the numbers etched in ink, an instant giveaway if he stepped one foot out the door around the wrong people. Here, he’s safe to show it. Here, he’s safe.

Mostly.

As safe as Jake can make him. 

Jake’s rib still aches, off and on, but his black eye is gone and he’s back at school. It’s all back to normal, now, and Chris is right here where he belongs, where people love him, where Jake would take a bullet for him.

He can’t get the image of the shivering, shaking, terrified boy in the video he was shown out of his head. The way they laughed at his fear, the way he’d already learned to put out his hands to be hit when he was caught tapping to soothe himself. 

He can’t stop seeing that boy and his fear layered over Chris’s easy joy now. 

“This is real, so take a chance and don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back,” Chris winks at him, or tries to - really he just sort of closes one eye horribly slow - and then goes back to humming along with the music. He dances effortlessly, and Jake wonders if he danced, before he was frightened in a white t-shirt and black shorts, before he had a barcode on his wrist, before they stuck a needle in his arm and took out everything that made him whoever he’d once been.

What did Chris do, before he was Chris, before he was the pet, before whatever went wrong for him? Did he take dancing lessons? Did he get good grades in school? He kind of acts like maybe he did, doesn’t he? He seems like he wants to try so hard for anyone who believes he can do something... 

He can do backflips and cartwheels and climb trees, plays basketball with Miss Ruth’s grandson and his friends while Jake watches through a window, worried that he’ll be taken the next time, but not willing to lay that fear on Chris.

He’s scared of so much. Jake doesn’t want to add more terrors to the boy’s nightmares.

“I’m-a get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans, be your teenage dream tonight,” Chris sings, wearing a baggy t-shirt of Jake’s and baggier basketball shorts. Chris, who crawls into Jake’s bed more nights than not, ever since the raid, who sleeps curled up against him for warmth and safety.

Chris, who doesn’t test him anymore, but admitted that he’s scared that it will happen again. Who told Kauri, in whispers in the dark, that he’s never wanted to be with anyone, that it was always fear and pain and holding screams back behind his teeth while forcing himself to make the sounds they trained into him.

Jake’s stomach flips with nausea, guilt for something he couldn’t possibly have prevented. It’s not his fault, but it feels like it is, he feels like he should have psychically known the kid was out there and gone to find him.

He would have.

If anything ever happens to him again, Jake won’t stop until he finds him. He knows that. He understands that, with perfect certainty.

They’ll never take Chris, they could raid the house a hundred times, and Jake would make sure Chris never went back into that hell, no matter what. No, Chris gets to be safe, here, singing and dancing around the kitchen, like any teenager enjoying a moment where he wants to be a dork, and doesn’t care who sees it.

Jake smiles a little, giving up and sitting back in a chair at the table, watching Chris dance while he dries off a dish, goes up on tiptoe to put it in the cabinet, turns back, warbles, “My heart stops when you look at me…”

Did Chris have a girlfriend, or boyfriend? A partner? Just, like, a best friend even? Someone he cared about like this? Does this song tap on some buried memory or impulse towards loving someone? Jake just watches him dance, and sing, and smiles.

He doesn’t even protest when Chris starts the song over as soon as it stops.

I came back for you, he thinks. Just like I promised. Do whatever you want, I’ll be right here. I’m right here. You’re safe.

Jake hears a slight sound and turns to see Nat in the doorway watching as well, in her housecoat but with her braid done carefully up, arms crossed in front of her. Chris doesn’t pause, if he even notices her, just keeps dancing as he empties the dishwasher piece by piece with his back to the door, signing in a soft, slight, cracking voice along with the higher voice coming from the speakers.

Nat looks less shadowed, now, and her bruises have faded away.

Still.

WRU came to round up a pet, and Nat and Jake protected him, and fuck it-

If he wants to listen to music Jake hates, let him. He’s a kid. Let him be a kid.

Chris has lost enough.

Let him have joy.

---

“Do you remember this?” Akio can’t stop himself from asking, even though it’s a total crapshoot as to what Tris’s answer will be.

Not Tris. Chris.

The knowledge hurts, it’s a knife in Akio’s stomach every single time, that Tristan was lost so thoroughly that the man who showed up with his face and his blood and his bones didn’t remember his own name until he saw the video with Akio and had… some kind of breakdown or something. 

But Chris is so close, and Akio uses that to remind him that it means Tris is close, that he was never fully gone. He’s still here. He just looks a little different, now, he’s quieter, but it’s all still there, bubbling up and sinking beneath the surface again, leaving imprints of memories that make it easier for Chris to grab onto them and hold tight the next time. 

The way he smiles, the way he taps and rocks and sways and stammers, it’s all still there. It’s all still Tristan Higgs, in the end, and Chris Stanton and Tristan Higgs are the same fucking guy. The teenager in Akio’s memories and stored in old photos and videos on his computer and his phone is the same person as the man sitting next to him. 

One just… lived through some stuff the other one hadn’t yet, and has the scars - inside and out - to show it.

“I, I, I don’t know,” Chis says, leaning forward, looking at the video Akio’s pulled up on his laptop. They’re at an outdoor café, with the sun shining warm on their backs. Chris’s hair is starting to grow back in, the occasional blue tip fading back to new-penny copper, and the bandages are off of his face and neck. His forehead’s going to have a wicked fucking scar, though.

Chris says he doesn’t care, that it shows that he could change himself, when he needs to. That he isn’t just here to be changed by other people. His shoulder brushes Akio’s as he cocks his head. “Sorry, stuff… um, comes and, and, and goes.”

“That’s okay. Here, I’ll press play. We had this one finished, more or less, but we never recorded the full bit.” Chris nods, holding his coffee up to his mouth to sip at it. 

Akio hits play, and the guitar starts up.

Chris laughs, and it’s Tristan’s laugh - bright and unselfconscious, loud enough to get a glance from someone nearby reading a book, before they look back down again. “I love, I, I, I love this this this song!”

“Oh, Christ.” Akio laughs, too, he can’t stop himself. “Of course you’d still like that song. Of all the things you lost, you kept Katy Perry?”

You think I’m pretty, without any makeup on…

The routine starts with Tris and Akio together in the middle of the mat, watching each other, hands linked. As she starts to sing, they shift apart, and Chris watches, enraptured, so close to the screen that Akio almost can’t see it anymore himself, not that he’s watching the screen.

He’s watching Chris, instead.

Chris’s foot taps to the beat and he starts to rock a little, forward and back, biting down on his lower lip with his teeth as the Akio and Tristan on the screen separate enough to hit their separate corners. Tris runs forward - then Akio does, a half-beat later.

You make me feel like I’m livin’ a teenage dream

They match flips and spins. Tristan lands and then Akio does, spinning to look at each other, laughing as Tris drops into a split and then up again and Akio… definitely doesn’t do that. Akio can do a lot of things, but he is not risking that particular move, not the way Tristan does it-

Or… did it.

Let’s go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love…

“I, I, I remember doing this,” Chris whispers. “I, I made my mom pretend to to to, to, to, to-to be you in the backyard when I made, made it up. She was a really, really bad dancer.” He winces, rubbing at the side of his head.

Akio nods, slowly, leaning in, looking at Chris as he watches himself dance on the screen. He’s squinting against the ache, but still watching. “Yeah, but she would do anything you wanted her to. I can see her trying to keep up.” He pauses, lets the tinny music play from his laptop speakers along with the noise of the gym around them as Akio and Tristan do another run. Akio doesn’t quite hit his landing on that one, but they don’t stop, dancing towards and around each other with easy, effortless understanding of each other’s space. 

“You, you, you hated Katy Perry,” Chris says, softly. His fingers twitch, holding tightly to his coffee cup. “But, but-”

“But you fucking loved that shit,” Akio says, with a grin. 

“I, I, I still do. Laken hates it, too.”

“See, I knew I liked them for a reason. You and my sister used to sing ‘Firework’ at me until I thought I was going to lose my fucking mind.”

“I, I, I still sing it to Laken. They, they throw pillows at me.” Chris hits the space button, pausing the video, and turns to look at Akio. His eyes are still so wide, in his narrow face, and so earnest and uncertain. Akio swallows. It feels like stepping sideways through time, every time Tristan’s eyes look at him in Chris Stanton’s face. “Were you, you, you good… without me? Did you, um, do okay?”

Akio’s smile softens into something sadder. “After a while. I got back on track, but for a year or so… I guess I just wasted away without you. You want to hear something stupid?”

“Al, always.”

Akio huffs out laughter, and digs his phone out of his pocket. He taps a few times and then lays it on the table between them. “Look at this.”

Chris looks down, fingertips just grazing the phone case, and his lips press together into a line as his eyes glimmer, shimmering with tears that don’t quite fall. “Wh-what-”

“It’s all the music you like that I hated,” Akio says, voice hoarse and rough. “I made this playlist a month after your aunt said-... you know.”

“It’s, it’s, it’s called ‘I Miss Tris’,” Chris says, softly. His voice sounds awed. Like he’s looking at something sacred and not Akio’s stupid ‘having a bad night’ playlist. “And the, the, the first song-”

“Fucking Teenage Dream.” Akio watches Chris scroll down the list, pretends he doesn’t see the droplet of saltwater that lands there, that Chris quickly wipes away with his sleeve, rubbing at his eye with the back of his hand. “It’s been, what, six or seven years since, you know, your parents, and… god, I’ve gotten a new phone every couple years and I still have this fucking playlist. Still listen to it, too. Whenever I want to mope around being sad about you.”

“In… in there… they, they, they tell us no one misses us.” Chris’s voice is low. He doesn’t look up. “That, that, that our lives were so so so-so bad that this was better. That no one… no, no, no one missed us being gone, no one wants us, that we-we-we weren’t… worth loving. I believed it. And my-... um.” Chris flushes, just a little. “He told me I, I, I, I wasn’t something you could-could love.” Chris’s eyes go distant, and he seems to sink back into himself a little, hunching his shoulders. “P-pretty, but, but, but not… worth being more than I was.”

Akio’s jaw works, fighting a mix of grief and rage that threatens to knock him to the floor, drown him in the intensity of it. He’s been hearing bits and pieces, whenever Chris feels safe enough to let one more bit of the horror that made up his past few years slip out.

Akio wonders what it’s going to do to his career if he goes public as a lib activist, and if he even gives a fuck about that anymore.

If Vincent Shield can do it, he can too, right?

Then again, Vincent Shield wasn’t about to be publicly not straight for the first time and also a pet lib activist. Akio’s mom and dad are going to be so pissed when he tells them his idea-

He doesn’t care.

His parents aren’t going anywhere. Neither is Ben, whatever he and Ben are, neither is Tristan Higgs.

Not this time.

Nobody else should have to listen to someone they loved come back from the dead and hear them say they told me no one loved me, they told me no one missed me, they told me no one cared. 

So... maybe Akio can go up on the fucking pedestal, medal around his neck, and tell WRU to go fuck themselves. Maybe he can tell Chris’s Aunt Jo to go fuck herself specifically.

You told us he was dead, and you gave him to people who made him believe he was nothing, and you thought we’d never find him. And we didn’t.

God, he had to find us. 

His career’s going to go down in flames if he does what he’s planning, and Akio Nakamura is rapidly discovering he no longer cares. 

“Loved. You were-... loved.” His voice is tight and strained, cracking on the edges of his words. His hand curls into a fist on his thigh where it’s resting, digging his nails into his palms. “And missed. We would have-... we would have wanted you, Chris. My mom and I, my little sister won’t admit it, hell my dad… we missed you. Those assholes just wanted you to lose hope. And I’m glad the fucker who hurt you is dead.”

“They, they, they take everything. Aki,” Chris pushes Akio’s phone back to him, and looks back at the laptop screen, an image of himself, years ago, flashing a brilliant smile, with Akio rolling his eyes in return as they pressed their hands palm-to-palm, frozen mid-move. “But, but, but it’s not really gone. I remember how, how, how much you hate this song. And, and, and I remember that you still danced it with me. So, so, so that’s a start, right?”

“It’s a start.” Akio presses the button to start the video again. “And we’ve got plenty of time.”

---

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