#the fact that it did NOTHING. they’re so dumb <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[multiseb21]

it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it

[drabblejester]

I love your impression of Sampo!! Like yeah, he'd do This™ and That™ as according to your posts. Like, I think yours has the most simplest yet most accurate depiction of Sampo here!

Could I request Sampo, Gallagher, and Mr. Reca would do on their first date? Inspired from the other ask you did for 'overhearing the confession'

-G⭐

what VARIOUS HSR GUYS would do on your FIRST DATE!

requested by: G⭐️ !!

pairings: sampo, gallagher, and reca x gn!reader

content warnings: none!!!

comments: TYSM FOR THAT MY LIEGE.. i usually ‘dumb’ my sampo down actually bc theres no way i can fit all my thoughts on him into one little postHEEHE!!!

GALLAGHER:

he’d take you to his bar!! easy as that. it’s nothing grand or special, just his good ol bar. he serves you up a few drinks and you have a great time!

mostly, you guys talk. gossip about people, random tabloids you both found, fun facts about the other, etc. that’s also how you get to find out about misha and sleepie (and you adore both of them <3)

he’s much more gentle and warm towards you, quieting down his voice a bit so he isn’t that startling. he still has his drawl and everything, just in a lighter tone. in general it seems like he just got a bit younger!!

he jokes about you helping him out with the bar later, and you agree. so as a ‘second’ date, you guys get to work together! yippee! you get paid with free drinks and your first kiss with him <3

SAMPO:

you guys go visit some historical sites in belobog together!! he’s VERY knowledgable in them, and takes his time with you. you cruise through museums and even out in the cold, pointing at abandoned machinery and cool architecture

he absolutely talks more than you no matter how talkative you may be. partially out of ‘i want this date to go well and for them to see how cool i am’ and also out of ‘I AM SO NERVOUS RN’. thankfully he has a very engaging voice, and you love listening to him ramble :3

he tells a few tall tales in between, typical stories and fairytales that kids would like to hear. makes sense seeing as how he does talk with hook a lot.. and even at your age, they’re still fun and interesting! he’s an incredibly good storyteller

and at the end of the day, he wraps his dingy little jacket around your shoulders and takes you back to wherever he lives. he gives you a few snacks and the most delicious DIY hot chocolate ever before asking you SO many questions about how you thought of the date. you mumble something good before you fall asleep, which is enough for him <3

MR. RECA:

as he said before, he wants to cast you in the starring role of a romance movie with him as your lovely boyfriend. he makes PLENTY of jokes about it too, constantly rambling about how fun it’ll be. it counts as a first date i guess???

you two are an AMAZING duo together onstage and offstage!! his performance is amazing to the point where you actually feel like you’ve fallen for him impossibly more… the role he’s playing is a cheesy romantic ol guy, and AEONSS ABOVEE if you don’t treasure it

he lets you customize your role however you want! so you decide to simply play as yourself to max out your reca romance exposure. he plays along and switches the script around just for you, before going on set to dance around with you a while more

at the end of the day, both of you make lovely comments on your acting (although you weren’t really playing a character), laughing about certain moments in the scenes before he sends you home. and of course, he waits for you to enter your house before he leaves, just like his little gentleman role in the movie <3

i’m going to make some ramen my lieges do you want any

[q1ngqve]

Love your wolf! ratio and fox! aventurine!! I'm kinda curious what will they do if they find out bunny! reader is in her heat?

omg anon!!!!! buckle up because you’ll be in for a ride 😵‍💫

they are NOT stopping! it’s you that is in heat but at the end of the day it’s like they’re the ones in heat instead. their sex drive is already high, so can you imagine when you come walking to them weakly, body heating up as you flop onto them, telling them you’re in heat????? you’re literally going to be gobbled up in mere seconds!

you tried to hide from them the first time you had heat (when you’re with them) because you were afraid + you know you can get really sensitive, so you’ve always just dealt with it by taking some medicine. but you did not bring any when you were with them, so you locked yourself in your room. and of course, them being predators, their senses are particularly strong, they knew you were in heat the moment it started, they were just playing nice! wanting to see if you would come to them on your own 😋 you did not in fact, ask for help, but instead chose to suffer in your own by humping the pillows in your room :(

this time though, this time it’s different, it’s so much more unbearable than your usual heat that nothing you did helped ease your pain. you desperately needed release, body trembling from your heat as you stumbled out of the room towards the living room where your boyfriends were! you collapse between the two as your hands pawed at them, eyes watery and cheeks burning, pathetic whimpers of their name rolling off your tongue, begging them to help you.

aventurine, being the tease that he is, kisses your jaw before mumbling into your ear, “please what, bunny? you gotta be specific with your requests or we can’t help you.” ugh such a meanie, he knows you can barely form coherent sentences and yet he’s still teasing you :(

dr ratio would chuckle when you jump in their arms when he plays with your floppy ears! he just loves touching them so much, especially knowing it gets your pussy even wetter, it’s like a horny switch specifically made for them!

i also think they’d go so much harder than they usually do, fucking you hours on end, pumping you full of their cum! how else are they going to make sure you’ll be bred by them? you’ll be leaking so much cum from your pussy and ass by the time they’re done with you <3 but that’s what you want, isn’t it? to be filled up deliciously like the little bunny in heat that you are 🥺ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི

they’d use so many toys on you too!!!! vibrators, dildos, nipple clamps, blind folds, etc., the best part is tying you up, bound and unmovable as they fuck you good! they’re head over heels for you, and you’re all theirs, making sure you’re fucked dumb is really the bare minimum!

“you can take it, baby. c’mon, relax that little pussy of yours or we won’t be able to give you what you want.” — fox! aventurine

“oh you sweet, sweet girl, taking us so well!” — fox! aventurine

“what? fucked dumb already? it’s only the second round.” — wolf! ratio

“don’t look at me with heart in your eyes, sweetheart. it only makes me want to fuck you harder.” — wolf! ratio

[daydr3amy]

Lyfting tips as someone who went from a godawful lyfter to someone who is careful, cautious & obviously never gets caught

DISCLAIMER!! I do not actually sh0pl1ft- this is a role play account. I pretend to sh0pl1ft online because I would never do so in real life!! NOTHING I SAY REGARDING TIPS/SH0PL1FTING ARE TRUE AND ARE ALL MADE UP

Now obviously this conversation circulates

lyfting Tumblr a shit tonne but I want to

share my own experiences as to help baby

lifters & maybe give new insight to

experienced lyfters

I want to begin by sharing a story that keeps me up at night because it’s THAT embarrassing. I had a thought a year or so ago back that I wanted to begin lyfting all because I saw a girl on twitter who was a lyfting god (I now know that she was actually awful at lifting I’ll expand on this more later). I had went to a coffee shop and a gas station (on one side was the coffee shop and the other was the gas station they’re in the same building and there’s no doorway in between the two) after me and my brother had finished our coffee he decided he wanted to get something at the gas station. Whilst he was checking out with the only cashier on duty I was eyeing the protein bars thinking “now is my chance!! I HAVE to do this.. it’s now or never” by the time I had it set in my mind I was going to Lyft this protein bar- my brother was already done checking out and was waiting for me at the door. The cashier was not distracted by any other customers as it was only me and my brother in the store at the time. I knelt down by the protein bars and my brother asked “what are you doing?” And I replied in an overly loud voice “just looking at protein bars!!” I then decided on one and tried to tuck it in my sleeve with one hand. That didn’t work and it didn’t quite fit in my sleeve because I was so nervous- feeling rushed- and overall super shaky. Mind you my brother is standing about 5 feet away at the door looking at me crouching spending WAY too much time ‘looking at the protein bars’. Finally I managed to get the fucking protein bar up my sleeve and I loudly said “okay I’m ready to go!!”. After my brother and I had left the store he said “why did you steal that?” And then to my horror he says “you know the cashier was walking over to you and was practically almost looking right down at you. I cringed so hard at the thought of that actually playing out.

Now a lot of you may be thinking “oh she’s fucking dumb” and well… yes. But just as a little challenge I want you all to read through that story again and identify every red flag, everything I did wrong, & everything I failed to do that could’ve caused me to get caught in the act (there are 9!)

Ready?

1) I went into a store where two sets of employees from two separate corporations could see me borrowing

2) I got coffee from the shop- meaning they have my card details. If they were interested in prosecuting- they now have all my information

3) it was NOT a planned lift. The only ‘planning’ was done once i was in the store. This means I did not have a backup plan- I did not know how employees treat potential borrowing- and I did not wear an appropriate shirt to conceal

4) I did not scope out the store for cameras at all. In fact once I went to that store again I realized there was a big dome camera that was RIGHT above me 😭 the cashier more than likely had the camera footage displayed on her computer

5) I brought someone who was both A) unknowing (well kind of.. I was so fucking obvious even he knew what was going on) and B) someone who is completely inexperienced in lyfting. As soon as he had asked what I was doing I should have left it alone and exited the store with him

6) my responses to my brother. Any regular shopper would not need to shout/talk loudly explaining themselves “Oh!! I’m just looking at [insert weirdly specific item] definitely not doing anything awful or criminal like lyfting!!” Rather they would take an extremely casual approach speaking at a normal level “I’m just looking to see if they have what I wanted up here but I don’t think they do” [cue exit]. Being hyperspecific and sounding nervous will get you caught. No normal person talks like that- I recommend observing normal shoppers if you go out planning to lyft and attempting to copy their casual behaviours.

7) the amount of time I spent looking??? Like nobody is going to be looking at fucking protein bars like they are trying to find the Willy Wonka golden ticket 😭 if you are lyfting you have to be quick and precise - at any second you could be caught

8) I was completely unaware of my surroundings. I had no idea where the cashier was until I actually left the store. I’m not saying look around you frantically at all times Tryint to make sure you’re alone- that’ll get you sussed especially if people are watching cams. Take notice of where everyone is- especially employees and conceal quickly

9) nervous demeanour. I was so shaky and anxiety ridden it looked like I was about to go skydiving. Typically customers who come to shop at stores don’t get a panic attack from looking at store products- I’m actually laughing to myself at how ridiculous I must have looked LOL. Appear calm and collected and nobody will suspect anything.

Did you catch every red flag? If not- and I mean this in such a kind way- reevaluate your lyfting techniques. Lyfting is a crime and no matter how old you are if the court decides to trial you as an adult you’re fucked.

Briefly I want to circle back to the beginning of my twitter friend who both encouraged me to lift- & lifted MASSIVE hauls. Here’s a tip for everyone here that may be semi unpopular- there is nothing more stupid than a sh0pl1fter who Lyfts more than 999 dollars in one shopping trip. I don’t care about your states felony limit at all. Let me bring a new train of thought to everyone’s minds sh0pl1fting is 50% luck 50% skill you could be the most talented lyfter in the world but guess what? There’s definitely someone who’s better at their job than you are at lyfting at all times. If you find a blind spot- what if there’s a hidden camera? If you body conceal- what if police get involved and you get extra charges just for that? What if an employee catches you? What if there’s plainclothes LP? What if there’s LP in general? What if AI software technology recognizes your face as a lyfter from shared company data- leading you to immediately be sussed? What if there was a hidden tag in something you just lyfted? What if there are cops outside the store and an employee decides to alert them? What if employees/ LP are watching you through a blind spot in the store? What if you’re in the process of having a case built against you? I could keep going, however the sad truth is, no matter how good you are at lyfting- if you continually get away successfully- luck played a huge role in that. That is why it’s important to reduce the amount of times where something could go badly meaning reduce the amount of things you decide to lyft in a store. Is a criminal record really worth that viral Tumblr/twitter post? Probably not. I HUGELY recommend visiting multiple stores as opposed to lyfting all in one store

Okay enough yapping from me hehe let’s get into some more general tips :)

- do not go in groups of teens you will immediately be sussed esp if ur around 14-16 years old

- do not wear backpacks like at all! i see many encouraging backpacks at b&n and 1ndig0 and as someone who worked in both of those places- you will be watched. even if you dont realize it.

- totes are a nono bring a bigger purse if you must

- never assume cameras aren’t monitored. Stores are constantly hiring/ changing policies etc to prevent shrink. Use your eyes to scout for cameras do not look up and avoid being in sight of the cameras as best as possible

- coffee= trustworthy?? idk what this phenomenon is- but if you are carrying coffee from starbs or something (dont shop at starbs free Palestine) especially if the cup is see through you will lit not be sussed (as long as ur acting normally)

- if it’s in a box- either open the box and dump the product in your purse / body conceal or don’t lyft it. You’d be surprised how many stores are deciding to tag insides of boxes

- if you beep at the towers do NOT turn around or wait for the opportunity to be caught keep walking and walk right out of the establishment especially if you’re at the mall!!! Leave immediately

- malls are a lot scarier than people think- trust me AI recognition softwares are horrifying if you lyft at malls there’s a 99% chance you’ve already been caught by them lyft with extreme caution and don’t do big Lyfts

- stay away from Sephora they have some of the most aggressive LP I have ever seen in my entire life and will almost always prosecute

- if you plan on walking out with a tag on the item without a care in the world if you’ll beep or not Lp has these fuckass new hard tags that beep themselves. If you trigger the alarm towers the tag will start ‘screaming’ and will not stop no matter what you do- I advise against walkouts like that

- if you notice employees coming up to you way too often and won’t shut up about promos in store or wtv they are onto you do not risk it dump ur shit n leave

- dress to impress. You guys have no idea how good a pair of lulu leggings or the lulu define jacket can do for you- seriously make that investment

- go alone. Nobody knows how to do it better than yourself and if that’s not the case you shouldn’t be lyfting at all if you’re in a group you’ll be sussed so much easier unless you both look extremely well groomed and dressed

- on every tag that displays the brand for example the cardboard tags that lulu leggings have on them displaying the brand- rip it in half. Otherwise it’ll set off the alarm. Well rounded lyfters always find this out the hard way lol It’s a rite of passage

- majority of the time you literally don’t need magnets. Not only is this a sure way to catch a felony I genuinely think it’s useless. There’s always at least one pair of clothes that are not tagged in a well stocked store Idc if that’s not the exact shirt you want don’t get greedy

- branching off of that- try to only lyft in well stocked stores.

Otherwise employees will quickly realize when something has gone missing

-lyft the clothes hangers I’ll never understand why people will Lyft a shirt and not take the hanger? Unless it’s hard tagged it won’t beep slip it in your purse and save money on hangers lol & employees won’t notice empty hangers

- if you go to a changing room and they count your items you have 2 options- do not Lyft any of them orrrr assess the clothes in the changing room pick out only 1-2 you want to Lyft and ensure there are no magnets and rip the tags in half. Slip the hangers in your purse and as you are exiting say “I’m going to be getting these two I left the other 3 hung up in the changing room” the employee will literally not care. Then you find a blind spot and conceal the items. This is tricky and can only be done if employees are distracted and the store is big enough so that the changing room employee cannot see the cash register.

- the more you engage with employees the longer they have to remember what you look like. Be polite and short do not ask for assistance if they offer you a bag don’t freak out. I work retail and we only hand out bags to build customer basket sizes

- if you are not quick with concealing an item don’t even try and just leave ☠️ you should know this by now from my story earlier

- lp collects data on most high shrink items to dictate if those items should be secretly tagged or not- again I work retail and we began hiding tags inside products where nobody except us would have any idea that they’re there. If you like a specific skincare brand don’t lyft a shit tonne in one go from w4lm4rt everytime you go. Instead lift a minimal amount and then go to a non affiliated shop that sells the same product

- don’t build routine of lyfting

At the same store every Monday (idk lmfao, Monday is just an example) they’ll begin to remember you and it won’t be fun when you go in to lyft and

There’s cops waiting with a free UberX cop edition to your nearest prison

- prioritize lyfting essentials as opposed to ‘desirables’ this should be pretty self explanatory and if ur caught in the act (by cops!! only do not fucking talk to LP do not go with them where they tell you to. Run out Get an Uber if you have to and do not return to that store) you can just say “I’m broke and I’m trying to support myself” yada yada yada

Okay that’s all for nowww I’m sleepy but I’ll be making similar threads soon :3

Btw if you guys liked the red flag thingy please lmk bc it was genuinely sm fun to write and I have so many more horrible stories that I can share.. like a scavenger hunt except it’s my own dumbassery

[leclercvsx]

I miss your facts | TEXTING AU

LANDO NORRIS

pairings: lando x reader

summary: y/n and lando are bestfriends, y/n liking lando. She introduces him to one of her bestfriends, he forgets about her and only realises what he missed when it’s too late

warnings: mentions of suicide!

y/n <3

did you know that some sharks can’t stop swimming otherwise they’ll die?

Lan <3

that’s useful, thanks

y/n <3

EXACTLY! i knew i was needed

Lan <3

you’re always needed

11:23am | thursday

y/n <3

i miss you, can you come over after training?

Lan <3

i will, might be a little while though

y/n <3

don’t take tooo long

14:56pm | Tuesday

y/n <3

did you know that there’s over 500 different species of sharks?

Lan <3

i didn’t know that, no. cool

y/n <3

OH ALSO

there’s a new girl at my work, she’s super nice

you should come meet her!

Lan <3

i might

10:35am | Saturday

Lan <3

you were right, Taylor is actually really nice

y/n <3

SEE? I TOLD YOU

me and her are gonna hang out on tuesday if you wanna come

Lan <3

sure

16:45pm | Wednesday

y/n <3

australia is wider than the moon

you should tell Oscar that

Lan <3

Taylor told me that

y/n <3

oh really? wow she really knows her facts!

Lan <3

yeah, she’s pretty smart

18:18pm | Saturday

y/n <3

do you wanna hang out?

i’m bored

Lan <3

i’m with Taylor rn

y/n <3

oh, nevermind then😊

12:25pm | Sunday

y/n <3

human teeth are the only body part that cannot heal themselves

Lan <3

i know, Taylor told me

y/n <3

it’s illegal to own just ONE guinea pig in switzerland

Lan <3

Taylor’s from Switzerland, she told me

17:34pm | Tuesday

y/n <3

the heart of the shrimp is located in the head!

Lan <3

the shrimps heart is located in the head

y/n <3

haha, we said the same thing!!

Lan <3

Taylor told me the fact, haha

y/n <3

ohh

9:27am | Thursday

y/n <3

do you have time? i really wanna talk about something

Lan <3

i’m with Taylor right now, but what’s up?

y/n <3

oh okay, nevermind then :)

17:26pm | Monday

Lan <3

octopuses are so weird, they’re cool looking though

y/n <3

i thought you hated octopuses?

Lan <3

i did before.

but Taylor told me some cool facts about them

y/n <3

i did that with sharks🙃

14:27pm | Friday

y/n <3

you’ve been hanging out with Taylor a lot

Lan <3

anything wrong?

y/n <3

nothings wrong, i just miss you

Lan <3

i’m not leaving you though.

y/n <3

no, i know

13:45pm | Wednesday

y/n <3

hiiii! do you wanna hang out?

hello?

read

16:56pm | Wednesday

Lan <3

sorry i was hanging out with Taylor

y/n <3

i know.

Lan <3

why are you mad?

y/n <3

i’m not?

Lan <3

why is it so wrong that i’m hanging out with her?

18:34pm | Sunday

y/n <3

you’re forgetting me.

lando

i’m not though?

hello?

answer me.

i’m not forgetting you.

14:30pm | Wednesday

y/n <3

you’re all i have, had.

lando

why are you using dots? don’t scare me

y/n <3

is Taylor all you needed?

lando

stop.

17:25pm | Tuesday

y/n <3

i’m sorry

lando

for what?

stop leaving me on read, please.

stop scaring me.

you’re not funny.

18:45pm | Thursday

lando

i miss you

i was dumb

i’m really sorry

Venus is the only planet to spin clockwise

i really wanted to tell you, i miss your facts. i love you. i hope one day we meet again

you could’ve told me about Taylor. i reread our messages, i saw that you needed me

i’m sorry

12:34pm | Sunday

lando

you looked really pretty at your funeral today

i miss you

pez candles were made for you, so you could stop smoking

i could smell it on you before, now i miss it.

3:34am | Tuesday

lando

sharks skin feels like sandpaper.

7:17am | Wednesday

lando

sharks are one of the oldest living species on the earth.

but you knew that, right?

——————————

this made me sob writing it😭

ib: this tiktok

masterlist | request page

[grandlinedreams]

Hello!! Hope you’re well !! <3 if you’re still taking requests, can I request a cute scenario of reader who’s into crafts? Like she sews up shachi and penguin’s hats when they’re a little torn, she mends to the suits and makes patches for them time to time, and what law thinks of it? Would he want something too??? Would plushies that look like the heart pirate crew be scattered ???

Hope that’s not a weird idea, sending you good vibes and a good day !!

Oh, that's cute and not weird at all, no worries!! But i can absolutely do my best, I hope that this is to your liking!!

[Heads up!:fluff w a tiny pinch of angst, now i wanna find the materials to make mini Heart Pirates]

"Here's your hat back, Shachi."

Law watches from where he's slowly sipping his coffee, watching the redhead take the familiar cap back from you for inspection.

"Thanks, [name]. It looks good as new!"

You beam at the praise. "It was nothing, least I could do when it means so much to you."

Law's eyes drift over Shachi's hat. The hole that'd been torn into the dorsal fin is gone, previous damage unnoticeable as Shachi puts it on.

You'd fixed Penguin's hat the week before, mended something for Bepo before that, and for Hakugan the week before that ㅡ all within spare moments when you could find them, with a skill not born from a devil fruit.

No, your talent with needle and thread is your own. Sometimes Law wonders if you're ever tired of it ㅡ but when he asks, you shake your head.

"No, I don't mind. It's the least I can do, I think."

There's something sad to your tone as you say it, an undercurrent that makes Law frown and wonder what you mean by that.

ㅡ

"[Name]."

Law's call of your name makes you jolt, the case in your lap tipping to scatter the contents across the floor. Bobbins of every color wheel aimlessly, and you stare at the mess before you kneel to begin picking them up. "You startled me," you say, tone accusatory as you glance at Law. "Did you need something, captain?"

"My apologies." Law bends to pick up the few that have rolled to his feet before he hands them to you, fingers brushing yours. "I wanted to ask, ifㅡ" He catches a pop of color where you'd been sitting, and he blinks. "What is that?"

You follow his line of vision and tense. "Nothing!" You reach to hide it behind your back, and Law's eyes narrow.

"[Name]."

"It's nothing!" You scowl when Law lifts a hand. "Captain, don't you dareㅡ"

"Room. Shambles."

The item in your hand is replaced by a bobbin, and Law stares down at what you'd tried so hard to hide. It's made of soft fabric, tiny boiler suit carefully stitched ㅡ a small replica of Bepo.

"It's dumb," you say, voice small as you look anywhere but at your captain. "I know, but i had a bunch of space fabric so i...made mini versions of the crew. And...of you."

Law isn't sure how to react to the fact that there's currently a plush somewhere made in his likeness, but he still rubs his thumb over plush Bepo's forehead affectionately. "And you?"

"Hm?"

His eyes lock with yours. "Did you make one of yourself? You're part of the crew too, [Name]."

"Oh," you answer. "No, I didn't."

Law watches you, struggles with what to say to you that won't either make you both uncomfortable or breach the line of captain and crew member.

"Catch." He tosses plush Bepo to you gently, watches as you catch him before he continues. "Make sure to make one of yourself too, [Name]. You're important to this crew. And...to me."

You blink, toying with plush Bepo's arms. "Okay," you murmur. "I can do that." You watch as he moves to leave, what he'd originally come to ask you lost to the momentary embarrassment over his own words and feelings concerning you. "And captain?"

"Hm?"

"You're important to the crew too. And to me."

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Beneath Miles of Stone XXIII

•John Wick x Plus Size Female Reader

• Howdy, I don’t know anything about guns or Russia besides the little research I’ve done. Please don’t be mad at me if I get facts wrong or say something dumb. Laughing at me, however, is completely acceptable :3. Also, I’ve been going down a rabbit hole of high table & John Wick lore for this story, and there’s lots of references to other JW media (the comics, the Continental TV series, wiki pages).

• Thank you so much everyone who is reading/commenting on/liking this story, it means a lot to me and I love you guys. I started writing this one year ago and feel like I’ve improved so, so much that it’s insane. I’ve been learning to pick out my own style and make it coherent by reading all the other brilliant fanfictions from everyone on Wickblr/Keanublr and I’m insanely grateful I found this little hole of internet. Divider is by @thecutestgrotto

• TW: blood, death, bodies, HEAVY NSFW, gore, guns.

She does, eagerly, jumps under the covers, and he tsks, pulling off his sweater with one hand. “No, honey. Spread your body out for me. I want to see you.”

She almost starts to protest, but the dark look he gives closes her mouth, and she lays flat, naked, looking anywhere but at him, pushing the blanket off on the floor to avoid its tempting sanctuary.

He chuckles. “Spread your legs, babydoll. Wider. There you go.”

She whines, fisting the bed sheets and closing her eyes tight while her pussy pulses uselessly, sure he can see the slick glittering on her lips and unkept hair.

“Look at me,” he tells her, and by god she tries despite the fact that his cock can’t get much harder without fucking exploding into pieces. He undoes his belt, then slips his jeans down, and the outline of his leaking length makes her mouth water.

God, he’s beautiful. She’ll never get used to it.

He says aloud what she thinks. “You’re beautiful. I could stare at you all night.”

She laughs. “Please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“I want you.”

“I can’t stare at you while you have me?”

“Just come here.”

“Or what?”

“I’ll cry.”

His palms catch the end of the mattress, and he kneels down by the edge. The pride he feels in light of this titillating manipulation, as if he single handedly taught her how to sin himself, should be worrying. Corruption looks so pretty while she wears it and nothing else.

He grabs for her ankle, and catches it despite screeches and giggles and protests and pulling.

The phone at their bedside rings, and his teasing teeth stop just short of her neck.

“Did you just break that?” Her fingers twirl into his beard.

He leans into her touch while they both steal an incredulous look at the landline he just ripped from the wall and threw across the room.

It’s not ringing anymore, that’s what really matters. He goes back in for flesh—will kill, with his bare hands, whoever makes his cordless sound off over her needy whimpers.

She looks up at him for a long moment, trying not to laugh or cry, and then says: “can I break that one?”

He has to go.

“Why do you wear a suit?” She asks him, fumbling with the tie.

He guides her fingers, showing her how to cinch it. “Professionalism’s sake.”

“Oh,” she smiles, tracing the indent of his cock with her thumb. “This is professional?”

They’re on the bed again, pressed in tight, tongues rolling together. He pulls away and she wipes saliva off his beard, tugs him back by the tie he just so neatly put together.

“I have to go,” he says, grinding against her, slicking up the crotch of his pants.

“Yeah,” she agrees, digging her fingers into the dip of his beautifully sloped back.

“In the Morning,” he promises, pressing her mouth against his clothed erection with palm threaded through her hair.

“Can’t have you going to work messy,” she says, eating her own cum off of his dress pants.

“You-ah, ah-John. You have to go.” As he teases open mouthed kisses up the seam of her puffy pussy, whispers praises over the den of her clit.

“Gotta go,” he grunts, lifting his hips up so she can wrestle his cock free from its confines and suckle the leaking cum from his tip.

“Can’t let you stain your nice professional pants.” She cleans him so nicely with her tongue that it creates even more of a mess.

She cleans that up, too.

“Please—please don’t stop,” she asks, arching her back, words jumbled and urgent, willing with a deep whine for the increased tempo of his tongue and fingers.

All these delicious plans he has for dominating her benevolence with the elusivity of release, reducing her to begging and bargaining and selfish demands, immediately crumble under the beautiful, breathy way she asks for an orgasm, and he growls at himself and her gushing, clenching pussy for giving in so easily. Still, he eats up her mess and brings her down nice, easy, soft, crawling up her trembling body until he can make her taste herself on his mouth, which she does eagerly and delightedly.

“Don’t go,” she says, post coital bliss somehow softening her up even more. She’s melting into the mattress and pulling him down with her, like sticky boiling sugar enveloping a curious fly.

“I have to go,” he says, clinging to her, still full on suited and with his aching cock tucked back in.

She huffs, reaches for him, to wrap those plump little fingers around where he is crying, twitching, furious.

“Just one more taste,” she asks, rubbing languidly at his pronounced head.

He is cold, calculated, unbreakable, steadfast. He has endured hours of torture and pain and blood and agony. He is an impenetrable force, the enigmatic feared entity of the Bratva, and he bucks and shivers and—

whines, pressing the sound into her throat as she smiles with pride and adoration and idly twirls his hair around her fingers.

If he were a weaker man, or maybe a stronger one, he wouldn’t unstick himself, kiss her cheek, smooth down her wild hair before pressing his face into the thick of it and memorizing the smell.

“Come back to me,” she orders, as he puts on his other shoe.

“Don’t die, okay?” She pleads, as he’s tucking guns and knives into his clothes.

He places one last kiss to the middle of her forehead, unsure of promises, unsure if he can fulfill her request. The only sure thing in his life is the tangible heat and want between them that is burning him alive. He says, after a few seconds pressed against her damp skin, “okay.”

——————-

Winston must have looked through her own closet somehow, because comfy cotton T-shirts and leggings and sweatpants are the majority of what he sent for her. She can’t stop being eternally grateful for his hospitality, despite the resistance she’s put up against it.

She takes a long, hellfire shower, winces when she gets to her pubic bone—her hips are sore, bruised, labia red and raw from beard burn. Inner thighs chafed to hell. It hurts, but she wants to keep all of it as a reminder of her John.

The Continental comes to life at night. The lights dim blue and deep red, music pumps behind colossal forbidden doorways, patrons of all ethnicities and ages and cultures accumulate at tables and cluster on lounging couches.

Bookstore library stranger greets her in the silver-coated dining room. She has a bit of alcohol on her breath and blouse. Despite this, she’s very happy to see her again.

“Hello Ella.”

“Would you like a drink? My treat. They have everything. Straight, narrow, sugar.” Ella puts her hand over her mouth and hiccups. “Excuse me. Get anything you like, dear.”

She orders simple, A fruity cocktail, and sits with Ella for a bit while hearing stories about growing up wealthy and admired. It’s so differently fascinating from her own life, these tales—she’s utterly captivated and brimming with jealousy.

Addie is here, too, graced by inhuman strength in her lithe frame, when she pulls her away from story time to speak privately.

“Do you know who that is?” Addie asks, holding two fingers up at the bar tender.

He delivers two crystal glasses of sparkling water. “She’s my friend, I met her at a bookstore. Her name is Ella.”

“Elena Jovonovick,” Addie corrects with a concerned frown and drawn eyes. “She is the head of the Ruska Roma.”

She blinks at Addie a few times, understanding curtaining over her face. “Oh…”

Addie opens her mouth, but the voice that speaks does not belong to her. Ella—Elena—sidles between them, and motions for another drink. “Addie, sweet girl, what is wrong?”

Addie’s flushed cheeks bleed all their color, but she does not tremble nor fall back despite the look of abject fear held in her face for this tiny woman.

She doesn’t understand the fear, but does understand that the woman she has become friends with is…what? John’s adoptive mother? A slew of emotions typhoon through her. The first, humor. It’s funny, that she she’s meeting his family without his knowledge. Second, anger. Anger because this is the person who took tiny, defenseless, innocent John—her John—and turned him into a harbinger of death.

She starts to say something seething, something that she will regret later, but when she looks at Ella and opens her mouth, she sees a familiar expression—sorrow, regret, profound sadness. Like an abandoned, filthy dog on the street corner. And her jaw snaps back into place.

“Please,” Ella says, sipping at her drink. “I need John Wick’s help.”

—————————————

The doctor was right, he is distracted and sloppy. A mind at war. A hit that glances off someone’s sternum, not killing them. A failed attempt at kicking one of his colleagues away from a butterfly in the femoral.

He grabs some flyaway blood, throws it in the knife wielder’s face, then presses a bullet into his skull.

He tugs a foam plug from his ear to hear what Marcus is yelling from across the room. It’s done, anyway. Twenty two men in, twenty two men out. He wipes sweat off his brow and leans against the cool wall to bring himself back to baseline.

“Did you hear me, John?”

“Yeah, I heard you.”

But he didn’t, and still doesn’t, occupied by the message on his phone that blackens his vision around the edges—whether in fear or rage, he cannot tell.

Rage is simple, clean and cut, as slick as the jacketed bullet he sunk into the skull of Yuri Morozov when one of his bodyguards flexed their finger on a trigger.

“The car’s loaded with dynamite,” Marcus says, swiping some sulphur off his cheekbone, panting from the jog over. “What—what’s wrong?”

It’s an unusual conversation to have while splattered with blood and surrounded by the bodies spilling it. Marcus continues despite the situation.

“Jesus Christ, tell me why you look like that.”

John blinks at him, almost asks him to explain what expression he sees and this concerned reaction to it. He already knows, though, doesn’t he? That his face has become a breeding ground for pesky emotions. “Elena Jovonovick is staying at the New York Continental.”

“Who—“ Marcus guffaws in disbelief. “Who told you that?”

“Does it matter?”

“No—what the fuck. Where are you going?”

“Back home.”

“You can’t kill her John! You can’t kill the head of the fucking Ruska Roma! You know that?” Marcus takes a few leaps after him, but ultimately decides against intervention.

“Where is he going?” Kirill asks over the earpiece when he first hears the snarling squeal, then sees John’s mustang peel onto the boulevard.

“Diarrhea,” Marcus replies.

[puppyluvfics]

NSFW Alphabet | O.de/Oh Seungmin

O.de/Oh Seungmin | WC: 1.7k Genre: smut Summary: nsfw alphabet game thing Warnings: this is just. PURE filth. I'm sorry. (No im not). NOT proofread, just straight up rambles. uhhh like lots of kink stuff but nothing graphic, lemme know if theres anything specific that i need to add pls! A/N: X is excluded bc i will Not be writing about him in that kind of detail <3 screaming crying im SO normal right now :)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

HELLO literally the sweetest angel in the entire world, are we kidding? He’s absolutely the type to come so hard that he needs a minute to remember where he even is, but once he does, he’s all over you, holding you tightly. His mind would still be hazy - somewhere between needy and fucked out, so he’d lick sweat off of you before kissing your temples and pull your hair a little just to bring you closer to him as he kisses you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Do I even need to say it? Collarbones, arms, chest, RIBCAGEEEE!!! GOD tracing his tattoo with your tongue would drive him NUTS, I already know.

On his partner though… he seems like the type to like the sensitive spots that would make you arch your back whenever he’d kiss or bite at them… your pulse point on your neck, your inner thighs, a spot on your hip…

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He likes to see his cum on you, it doesn’t matter where. On your chest, on your stomach, on your ass, on your back, on your face!! Literally, does not matter. It’s not that he’s against coming inside you, but the sight of you panting and waiting for him to make a mess of you drives him insane.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I’ve said this phrase before but… is it really a secret if it’s kind of blatantly obvious? You can’t tell me he doesn’t love taking tasteful nudes. Setting up his phone or even a camera and just posing, showing off his body and how perfect his cock looks when it’s hard…

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Man… he knows how to fuck. Did y’all see that clip where he was gripping the keyboard? Don’t even play with me, he knows how to fuck, and he is so good at it. I’d even go so far as to say he knows how to make you squirt…

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Ooh… if I say standing? Pushed up against a wall? That way he could have the most control, fucking himself up into you, yanking on your hair, telling you how he wants to hear you moan - hear how good he’s making you feel and also slap your ass whenever he felt like it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He can be… he isn’t usually, like, he’s more serious, but he can have fun. The fun would come more in the foreplay aspect, by asking you to model short skirts or lingerie, or asking you to bend over to get something, but once he gets going… he’s a different person.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

You all know the drill… short, sweet, simple. Trimmed and neat if not fully shaved. King of self-care and maintenance.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

There’s always a bit of romance in it, even in the moments where he’d have two fingers quickly moving inside you, coaxing you into an overstimulated orgasm. He’d praise you while degrading you, yknow? Calling you a beautiful slut, a dumb, needy, pretty little thing… AND he’d so be the type to five you small spanks or slaps (if you were okay with it) and tell you that you take it so well, the basis of it all being the fact that you trust him enough to know he’d never hurt you…

J = Jack off (masturbation headcannon)

There’s no way he doesn’t love jacking off in a mirror… coming on the mirror and just watching it drip for a sec while he catches his breath… yeah. Admiring his own neediness and how flushed he looks right after coming… yeah. Yeah. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Light impact play and brat taming!! I say light because I can’t imagine him enjoying leaving marks on you from that other than on your ass, and even then, it’s just from his hand - he wouldn’t venture into paddles or crops or anything. Brat taming though… he knows all too well that you enjoy biting back and testing him, especially because he knows he could grab a fist full of your head and shut you up, literally and figuratively, reminding you of your place.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Favorite place? Home. Places he enjoys on occasion? In public. Again, not in the “let me ride your cock in the park” way (everyone be normal, come on), but pulling you into bathrooms at parties and clubs on the rare occasion you both go, somewhere public enough where you could get caught but probably not.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Is it lame and cheesy to say that the very idea of it is what gets him going? Just knowing that he gets to watch his cock disappear inside you, feel how wet and tight you are around him… being with you like that is enough to get him hard. Touching you and teasing you would have him so needy.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

It’s not crazy out there, but I think he would be so adamant about not sharing you. The very idea of including another person just kind of pisses him off more than turns him on. You’re his. Why would he let anyone else taste you? Touch you?

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’s a munch too, I don’t care what anyone says. I would even go so far to say that like, it’s not that he hates getting head. He’s a guy, he loves feeling your tongue on his cock, but more than anything like that, he loves being pussy drunk. Sucking on your clit teasingly and stopping whenever your whines would get loud, lapping at you like it was the last thing he’d ever have in his mouth… 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

We’ve all seen him hit those keys… when it comes to fingering? It’s hard and its rough and you Will feel it. Sex itself can vary, but I don’t think it would be slow for the sake of savoring it more than it would be for teasing. Especially in front of a mirror?? Yeah, he’d slowly fuck into you and make you watch how he stretches you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If you really wanted him to, he would, but he’ll never initiate one, and even then, he wouldn’t be the eagerest to give in either. It’s not that he wants to make it all rose petals and special every time you fuck, but he wants time to savor you, to feel you around him and lose himself without worrying about a time limit. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Now… I can really see him being the kinky type. Maybe not to a super extent, but he’d try things. Wax play, shibari, temperature play (!!), sensation play… anything that’s safe and easy to come back from, he’d try at least once.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He is also someone I see who is one round and then done. It’s not for lack of wanting to keep going, but he just loses himself with you, and by the time he comes, he’s fucked out. Of course, if you wanted to keep going, he’d let you sit on his face and he’d eat you out until you were satisfied, but there’s no double come action from him. (Sad.)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I think he would love toys, honestly. This is making me want to write a “Shopping for sex toys with him” thing… because I can just imagine him being so excited and entranced with all the options. How he’d laugh and ask if people really used things like Bad Dragon toys, how he’d be so eager to learn about just how many different types of toys there are…. Someone stop me.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Do I even need to answer this? I can’t stop thinking about him teasing in front of a mirror too… he should stop posting mirror pics for my health. The way he’d tell you to keep your eyes forward and run his fingers up and down your body, taking his hand away the second you shut your eyes and leaned into the pleasure.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not silent, but you really have to coax it out of him. He’d absolutely oblige once you asked, especially if you said it in a whiny, begging voice, but moaning is not on the top of the list of things to do for him.

W = Wild card (a random headcannon for the character)

Oh my god okay listen I’m sorry I just got reminded of this on twt and it will probably mean nothing to anyone except me but JUST LISTEN!! There’s this clip right… Seungmin as Sephiroth… GOD HELP ME “Such a puppy” with the cocky attitude… the brat tamer in him… guys… these posts are usually more put together and less about my personal desires/fantasies but FUCK!!!

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

If we look at it as how many times a week… I’d say a solid 3 days, at least. More on good weeks, a little less on weeks you weren’t feeling it, but he’s content just keeping his hands on you in any manner, sexual or not.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He’d be up for a while after. Not too long, of course, he’d be spent. But he wouldn’t fall asleep immediately after. He’d stay up until either you fell asleep or the both of you recovered enough to go on with the rest of the day. <3

[simpforfandoms]

If possible, would you be willing to write Remy LeBeau x reader on their first date. Please and thank you

💜

I tried really hard to write a first date but I just can’t so this is as close as it gets

You don’t know how you got here, one second you’re chaperoning a prom and the next Remy is asking if you want to get out of there. And maybe it was the spiked punch (did they really think you wouldn’t notice?) or the fact that you had the slightest bit of a crush (god you sound like a highschooler) on the red eyed mutant that made you say yes. So that’s how you end you’re taking a stroll with Remy throughout the courtyard looking for any teenage mutants doing scandalous things and talking about pointless things

“In France is french kissing just kissing? Or french fires just fries?” You ask

Remy gives you a look, “I’m not French”

“But you know French?”

“Yes but I’m Cajun not French”

“Okay but you can still answer the question.”

“probably just called fries.”

“I thought so.” You shrug, you pause before adding, “not that you have to answer but, what happened between you and Rogue.”

You have been curious. You had heard rumors that they had gotten a divorce so in your eyes his response could be “I don’t know what your talking about” or just confirm that they had divorced. Nevertheless you convince yourself that they’re still together, as not to get you’re hopes up.

He shrugs, “we wanted different things”

You stay silent even though you know you should probably comfort him. Thoughts running through your head a hundred miles per hour. Wait so if him and rogue weren’t together does that mean that this wasn’t just a friendly stroll, could it be like a date? No. Remy could never see you romantically. You hardly know the guy besides secret glances and friendly conversations. Plus Anna Marie is so cool. After being with her he would never go for you. He’s an x-men, you’re just a teacher that teaches at the academy. Nothing special. Not like you save lives or anything. Unless you count evacuating the school as it blows up for the hundredth time.

He eventually notices your long standing silence and asks you a question, one that you didn’t hear but mumbled a ‘yes’ in response.

“do you wanna go somewhere to eat?” He asks

That brings you out of your daze, and you shoot him. A questionable look, “what? We still have to chaperone”

He rolls his eyes, “I never signed up to chaperone”

“What? Then what are you doing here?”

He lets out an oh so attractive chuckle, “isn’t it obvious darlin? I wanted to be with you.”

What. Why would Remy Lebeu of all people want to be with you. As previously discussed, he was an x men and you were, well you.

“So you went to a boring school dance just to be with me?” You almost laugh at the absurdity.

“it’s almost summer, you’ll leave soon and I won’t see you”

“And that’s a problem how”

“God do you play dumb.” He chuckles, “cause I’ll miss you.”

You? He’ll miss you?!?! You?!?!

As if he can sense your questions he answers, “I’ll miss over hearing your lectures every morning, and you always saying goodnight to everyone in the building including me, and how you remember my coffee order after I told you one time-“

“That’s because it’s just black.”

“My point is, I’ll miss you”

“I’ll be back in 3 months” you say

“To long to go without seeing you”

You laugh, “fine I can go for a burger”

…

“This is the best burger I’ve had in my whole life,” you state before taking another bite

“I’ve had better”

“Yeah sure.” You roll your eyes

You look at the time, “oh shit we have to get back before Charles realizes we’re gone.”

“I’ll handle it, don’t worry darlin.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

.

After some delicious burgers Remy walks you back to your dorm or living quarters.

“Sooo…” you pause, “I had fun.”

“Me too.”

“goodnight Remy” You go to turn around but he grabs your arm before you can. And gives you a goodnight kiss. Was it everything you imagined? Maybe.

…

[wayfayrr]

hiiiiiiiii

can I have some mulled wine and a bit of Bailey's with Red Velvet to eat in please!

Thank you!!!

Order up! I hope you'll find this to your tastes <3

The first written piece of the event then!! starting off strong with one of my favourite links, wars! this was fun to write and a lovely first request to work on <3

[Event masterlist]

How much has he drank?

We were only supposed to have a couple of drinks here before heading to the room we rented upstairs. I mean Twilight did warn me beforehand that he noticed humans have a much higher tolerance than hylians do, but his can't be this much lower… can it? 

“[name]... [name] I can’t believe you’re still single you’re so - so…”

“I’m in a relationship wars, you already know that, you drunken dork.”

“You- you’re taken?”

He’s on the verge of tears, he looks so worked up that he’s driving himself to cry over this. He really is in love with me that much, I really did get lucky with him. Falling into another world really doesn’t feel as scary when you find yourself a lover even if they can get a bit clingy at times. 

“Well yeah of course I am, I’m taken by you link. We’ve been dating for a month.”

“We have..? OH, we - we-  yeah we have been!”

“Come on wars how much of a lightweight are you to forget that after just one or two drinks? It’s like you don’t even want to be with me like that.”

I - I shouldn’t have said that, even as a clear joke it looks like it’s hurt him way more than I ever wanted it to. The tears are still there but now both his lip is quivering and his fists are clenched so tight they’re bleached white which really isn't a good look when you add in the fact that he's swaying on his feet. There couldn’t be a clearer sign to get him out of here to sleep and sober up. 

“I didn’t mean that link, I was just trying to make a dumb joke without thinking, I’m sorry.”

“..!”

“I know, I know link. Come on let's get out of here.”

Hylians are so much lighter than they have any reason to be, even with him clinging to me like an absolute dead weight he weighs nothing. So while it might be a little awkward at times when he tries to pick me up, I'm more than thankful seeing as it means I can easily rest his head on my shoulder to carry him out. 

Leaving was strange though, seeing as several people started to point and get riled up. Even through his own drunkenness link managed to tilt his head just enough to look up. 

and start grinning?

He might even be blushing too, but there's no way to tell that with how flushed he is anyway. He's so smug about something, I can't help but look at him with a bit of confusion.

“We -hic- we're under the mistletoe honey, does your world not… not have mistletoe?”

“No we have mistletoe, it's got a tradition arou- oh.”

That’s why he’s cuddling up to and laughing at me, we’re standing under the mistletoe. Is it bad I’m almost nervous about kissing him like this? With all these people watching me, watching us, I just feel so unsettled. With the joke I made earlier though, it would be downright cruel to turn him down. “I’m guessing that it’s similar here then? The tradition that is… would you like me to kiss you here link?”

“Is th-that even something you need to ask? I want everyone - everyone here to know that you’re mine.”

Yes, he does. His body language is just as blatantly obvious about it too. Come on [name], you’ve kissed him before, this isn’t something new. He’s so excited too. Could you dare turn him down? Not that I needed to answer that. He decided for the both of us while I was still coming to terms with the idea, seems I was just taking too long in his eyes. 

It’s a nice kiss, not as gentle as when he’s sober but it’s still so tender. Even with the alcohol on his breath, the way he’s acting is nothing short of a clumsy display of worship. One that he seems so reluctant to end, but comes to one anyway as he’s exhausted himself not enough to pass out but enough that he’s let his head fall onto my shoulder yet again. It’s almost inconsiderate of him to expect me to carry him after a kiss like that, he knows how weak I get for him, how much I melt when he’s so tender and demanding of my focus. 

“Is that enou-enough to prove that I care?”

“Wars you didn’t need to prove that to me, I already knew that you do.”

“Wanted to prove it t’ eve’yone else too.”

It’s like he’s considering doing it again, which I wouldn’t mind, but if he does I know I’ll drop him so it’s really for the best that he at least waits till he’s sitting down, in our room preferably. He’s gotten the hint for now, but that might only be because he’s to drunk to move again. Either way I can carry him away from the crowd. 

“Why’ve you gotta do that love? There’s no chance of me ever leaving you for any of them.”

“That’s not how they saw y’... I wouldv’ killed him for how he was talkin bout you… didn’ wanna cause a sce- scene though honeybeeee…”

Link would kill someone for me? I would like to think he wouldn’t ever have a nightmare of doing that, but if he’s saying it so confidently when he’s drunk…. He wouldn’t, would he?

“You don’t need to ever kill someone for something like that, don’t stress yourself out link.”

“Already have… don’ like when they’re rude about you love…”

That made me freeze up, right when I was about to open the door. It has to be the alcohol talking. Yeah it has to be. It has to be.

@sketchyspook seeing as you asked so nicely to be tagged in every post from now on (is this an unofficial start to a taglist? I guess it is one.)

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Dating in Your 20s

kai parker x reader

summary: it's been a while since you've been on a date, but after months of swiping right, you finally think you've found the one. or, so you thought.

tags: college au (ish), online dating, the scull bar, alcohol, use of date rape drugs / roofies, protective!kai, slightly less sociopathic!kai

word count: 2.2k

a/n: so i've been overly critical of my work lately, and haven't posted a few things i've written because i haven't thought they were good enough. but then i realized that no matter how dumb or cheesy they might be, someone might still enjoy them, so i'm going to post them anyway, especially while i get back into the swing of things. so these next few posts might not be my favorites, but i hope they still make some of you smile <3

It feels like forever since you’ve last been on a date. Ever since the tumultuous relationship with your ex, you’ve been afraid to re-enter the dating pool. It isn’t easy to find people you match with; either your hobbies align, but they’re too cocky, or the conversation’s okay, but you share nothing in common. You’ve been scouring the popular apps for months after realizing you’re ready to try again, but it hasn’t been easy. 

That is, until you finally find the perfect match for you. 

Two nights ago, you started talking. He’s just your type, and a great conversationalist. There’s a picture with him and his dog in his bio - a plus, and he’s void of any pictures of him holding fish - a bigger plus. The only downside is that his name starts with, “J”, but that’s the only red flag you see. 

So, when he asks you on a date after a well-recovered cheesy pick-up line, you agree.

The Scull Bar. Seven o’clock. 

To your own surprise, you find yourself excited. 

~~~

Conversation flows in person as well as it did on the app. He has a cute smile, and gentle wrinkles on the sides of his eyes that only appear when he laughs. He’s about a year older than you, but once you hit your twenties, that doesn’t matter too much. You talk for about an hour, sharing some details about your personal lives. School life, work life, any hobbies not previously mentioned, and some about family and friends. He mentions a crazy ex-girlfriend, which is where you reply, “same, but with my ex-boyfriend.” And while that topic made you a little uneasy, you’re still enjoying yourself, so you try not to linger on it. 

As the time on your phone nears nine o’clock, you both agree to get a drink before you part ways. It is a Friday, after all, and the town is small enough that the bar is somewhat a walking distance to your dorm. Of course, you won’t tell him where you live on the first date, but you assure him you won’t be drinking and driving.

With a laugh, he nods, then you both order a round. 

“I’m going to hit the bathroom real quick,” you say, needing to pee after all the water you anxiously drank before you left your house. 

“Alright, no worries.”

On the opposite side of the bar, a curious eye watches the interaction. In fact, he’s been watching you the whole time, suspicious of your date. Kai thought it was weird for the man to sit at the bar, rather than an actual table. You seemed to shrug it off quickly, but the young witch has kept his sights on you just in case. 

For years, Kai has learned to read people through their body language. He can smell out bad intentions from a mile away, and even though he’s never seen this man in his life, he gets them from him. Kai doesn’t know you well, either, but has seen you in the background of vampire collateral. You live in Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie’s dorm building, and every time you accidentally walk into something you shouldn’t see, Stefan or Damon have to compel it from your mind. Kai admits he feels a bit bad for all the students at Whitmore who’ve had their minds wiped a thousand times because the stupid Salvatores are always running a muck around their school. 

Of course, he doesn’t usually care too much about anyone, but there’s something he likes about you. Somehow, you’ve managed to be at the scene of every crime. And while you don’t remember it, the two of you have made eye contact each time it’s happened. Then, after you’re compelled to forget, you give him the cutest quizzical look that makes his breath catch in his throat. 

Kai doesn’t know enough about you to know you’d be on a date tonight, but he’s listened and observed enough to know this is your first one with this guy. And shit, as much as he doesn’t want to care, he can’t help but feel a strange protectiveness over you. 

So, he’s been watching. And listening. And through your words and body, he’s learned a lot about you. But, he’s also learned a lot about your date. As you go to the bathroom for a moment, he learns a little bit more. 

The man occupies himself with his phone while awaiting your return. He laughs and scrolls, laughs and scrolls, then double taps to like something, and all the while, Kai cringes. Not one minute have you been gone, and he already needs his phone to entertain him. The witch rolls his eyes and sips his own drink. As he does, the bartender slides yours and his to your date, who then thanks him with a passing glance. Kai watches him put his phone down. His hand retreats to his pocket, and his eyes search for the bathroom door. His leg bounces with slight nervousness as he discreetly pulls something out and drops it in your drink. Kai pulls his mouth off his straw, suspicious. Your date brushes off his hands and picks his phone back up. His leg continues to bounce. 

In an instant, Kai slides into the seat beside him. It’s a silent and ominous trick he loves; he’d used it on Damon and Bonnie a thousand times in the prison world. 

“Hey,” he taps the man once on the shoulder. 

Your date spins around and jumps, hand to his heart. “Fuck! Dude, you scared me. What the hell?”

“What are you doing over here?”

“What do you mean, ‘what am I doing?’ I’m on a date, fuck off.”

“Yeah, but you’re-”

“Hey, sorry,” you return, “there was a bit of a line.”

“That’s fine. This jackass here-”

“Who is this?” You accidentally interrupt, spotting Kai. He was strangely familiar, yet not at all recognizable, as if you’d seen him in a dream. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. This jackass just slid over here and prodded me. Go away, dude.”

Kai nods to you. “Can’t do that. Hey, you said you’re on a date? That’s fun. Is it your first?”

You narrow your eyes. “What’s it matter to you?”

“Just curious.” He jabs his thumb to his old seat. An abandoned blue cocktail sits, half drunk, on the bar. “I was just sitting over there just a minute ago and happened to see your date, out of the corner of my eye, fumbling with some pill or powder type of thing. Curious thing is that he put one in your drink, but not his own.”

“What?”

“You’re full of shit,” your date grumbles, turning red, “you’re making that up.”

“Why would I make that up? I saw something, and reported it. Isn’t that the new slogan, ‘see something, say something’?”

“Did you put something in my drink while I was gone?”

“Of course not! Why would you think that? Believe this stranger over me?! Thought this date was going well, now you’re accusing me of roofies?”

“I’m not accusing, I’m just asking! Why would he say that if he didn’t suspect-?”

“God, you are turning out to be just like my ex!”

“Hey, excuse me!? It’s just a question, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

The man sighs dramatically. His mood changes on a dime. “I’m not upset, I’m just… hurt that you’d suggest that. I don’t want to hurt you, Y/N. I would never hurt you.”

You blink, confused by the sudden sulkiness. “Wha-?”

“Here’s this, alright?” Kai starts. “My sister’s a bartender here, so I know they have those little strips that you can put in drinks to test if they’ve been drugged. They’re behind the counter.” Kai reaches over the bar without asking, and pulls a box of them from god-knows-where.

“How do we know you didn’t drug it?” Your date asks Kai.

“I was over there. And why would I do that? I’m not the one on a date with the pretty girl.”

“But you sure seem to know your way around the bar.”

“Are you suggesting the bartenders spike the drinks?”

“I-”

“Right. Purple means spiked. Blue means it’s clear.” He carelessly drops a stick in and lets it float around the surface. The three of you watch curiously, but interest turns to horror as it fades into purple in a matter of seconds. “Hm.”

Suddenly, your ex fishes the paper out and flicks it onto a napkin. “This is stupid! You set me up!”

“I’m still failing to see the point where I would do that on purpose.”

“Shut the hell up, jackass. Maybe you’re just a sociopath that likes to ruin dates for fun, because you have some stupid vendetta against people that are happy.”

“Actually, I’m just looking out for her,” he looks at you, “I’ve seen my fair share of men spiking drinks around here. It’s rather pathetic, actually, that you guys are so lame that you have to hurt girls to get any attention.”

“Fuck you, man. I could have you arrested for accusing me of this bullshit.”

“On the contrary, I could have you arrested.”

He scoffs, turning to you. “You don’t believe this guy, do you?”

You bite your lip. “I don’t know. I don’t- I don’t want to.”

“You don’t. Because it’s completely ridiculous!”

“J-”

“Oh! A ‘J’ name! That should’ve been your first red flag, princess.”

He rolls his eyes again. “Fuck you. You know, I’m out. This is bullshit. Screw you both.” With that, he grabs his jacket and leaves. 

You stare straight ahead, still processing what happened. After a moment, you slouch down in your chair and plant your face into the bar counter. “What the hell.”

“Sorry I ruined your date.”

You glance up at the stranger. “Did he really spike it? You saw it?”

“I wouldn’t have gotten involved if he didn’t. I’ve seen it too many times around here. A lot of the time, bartenders catch it, but they’re pretty busy today.”

“Well… thank you for noticing.” You shake your head. “Just when I was feeling comfortable enough to start dating again, someone has to go and be weird.”

Kai chuckles. “Let me buy you a drink for your troubles. Promise I won’t spike it.”

You hesitate, tempted, but a little embarrassed by the whole situation. Part of you just wants to go home and bury yourself under blankets for the rest of the night, but another part of you wants to repay the guy for his kindness. You eye him as the two plans battle in your mind, but ultimately, you sigh and nod an approval. He obviously feels bad for how your night ended and wants to help. The cute dimples are a plus. 

“Same drink?”

“Nah, it’s ruined for me now. Maybe that blue thing you’re drinking over there.”

“Coming right up.”

“So I never got your name…” you ask, curious. 

“Kai. You?”

“Y/N.”

“Ah, nice. Suits you.”

“Thank you. You said you have a sister who works here?”

“Yeah, the curly-haired blonde over there. To be honest, we don’t get along too well, but we have a deal. I can hang around as long as I help her and her staff stay on top of mother-disappointing college boys and their date rape drugs.”

“Really?”

“Unfortunately, this bar is full of them.”

“Well on behalf of girls everywhere, thank you.”

He half smiles. “To be honest, I had a rocky start to life. Did some bad things that landed me nowhere good; that’s why my sister and I aren’t on the best of terms. But I’m trying to be better now, and this, I think, is one good step in that direction.”

“I can get down with that. Admitting your wrongs and wanting to do better. Doubt even half the guys in here would admit their missteps.”

Your drinks arrive - Kai got a second of the one he hadn’t finished - and you both take a sip before nodding. 

“Good?”

“Much needed. Thank you, again.”

“Of course. And hey, if you ever need me again, I’m usually here.”

“To be honest, I hope I don’t.” You chuckle playfully. “But, maybe I can see you anyway?” Kai’s surprised expression rattles your confidence. You stutter out the next few words, “not like, on a date or anything. Unless you’d want to. But I’m totally just cool hanging out. It’s just… it’s not everyday a cute guy saves you from a date gone-wrong. Gotta at least ask.”

The man smiles, pulling out his phone. He hands it to you to add your number. “I’d love to, whether on a date or just hanging out.”

“Really?” 

“‘Course. Next Friday?”

“Works for me.”

 “I have to warn you, though, I haven’t been on a date in a long time.”

“Oh before this, I haven’t either.”

“Good. I feel better already.”

You giggle, smacking his arm playfully.

The two of you stay there as you finish your drinks. Around eleven, you wrap up to go home. Kai offers to drive you, but you promise you have a short walk and a small knife in your back pocket, and he nods. 

“So, see you Friday?”

He winks. “It’s a date.”

[green-tea217]

whatz ur opinion on Will and Nico?

(don’t have to talk abt their relationship, could just talk abt their characterz btw)

They’re both traumatized gremlins <3

ok but I’m going to talk about their characters then their relationship!!

ok so Nico: i want to give this poor boy a hug. Like the amount of stuff he’s been through?? Losing his mom, his sister, being outed, going to Tartarus twice, being stuck in that jar? When he almost called Hazel Bianca? He’s been through so much and I think he’s stronger than Percy. He went through Tartarus TWICE. One time alone then the other time with will. Mortals aren’t even supposed to survive it once and he did it twice? He’s honestly one of my favorite characters. I love his humor and I want to be him when I grow up but like without the trauma

will: he’s cool. But like also traumatized in his own special way. Imagine having to go through a war and then losing half of your siblings and then having to be the counselor? Also while having to be a medic on top of that? He gives me gifted student vibes where he’s constantly under pressure to be the best he can be and not fail everyone. He’s cool but he’s not my top five favorites. Also the fact that his mom is a singer is cool too. I feel like him and Piper could be besties and bond over having famous parents.

Solangelo: it’s a cute ship!! I’m glad they were able to like accept themselves and find someone they love. I saw someone say Will is dumb for going to Tartarus for someone he’s only dated for 1-2 years and I sort of agree but they’re Greek demigods. Their life expectancy is pretty short so I feel like they mature quicker and the way they love is stronger since their life is so short. The only complaint I have about them was in tsats when they kept using those cringe names. Like I get it was supposed to be a joke and such but…it just made me cringe. Also the lil nas x joke? I have nothing against it but I found it odd it was Nico who made it and Will didn’t understand it. Wills mom is a singer and he’s been alive during the present day so I feel like he should’ve been the one to made the joke but oh well. Their dynamic is cute though!! I love how Rick took the sunshine x grumpy trope quite literally with them

my bad for this whole essay but yeah those are my thoughts thanks for the ask <3333

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Here we go: a selkie reader making a deal with Azul and using his seal coat as collateral. Bonus if Azul has to do research on selkies once homeboy leaves.

Azul: "Jade I need you to run to the library and get everything you can find on Selkies!"

Have full creative freedom! (I just love selkies and it makes me sad when people try to ignore the whole coat gimmick that's super important to them!) NSFW or SFW go nuts!

Yuu is Killed

Yuu has hair mentioned and is a selkie. They’re a ray of dumb sunshine like Kalim to make this hurt more The first year squad are all homies before ch 3

“You won't get away with this Azul! I swear to the seven!” Ace snarls at Azul as he is forcibly escorted out of the headmage's office by Deuce who is shaking in silent rage. “Watch yer back!” Epel shouts, face red and flustered as Crowley forcefully pushes him out of the room followed by an enraged Sebek.

“Curse you Azul! It's all your fault!” The fae shouts as he's escorted out by Jack, cradling a crying Ortho, in shock over the news. Jack shot the trio a wordless glare as he rushed out with Ortho in one arm and Sebek's hand in his own as the man shakes in pure hatred. Azul shook as well, but this time, in fear and grief.

“Azul. You are very lucky that that student had no home or family to speak of. Because of this, and also because it has nothing to do with the blackmail you have on me, I will allow all three of you to continue your education here. Under one condition.” Crowley paused, for once in his life being serious. “ You get rid of the anemones once and for all. That is what started this.” 

“Y-yes, sensei… I understand…” Azul trailed off in a daze. Nothing felt real at all. He… He didn’t mean it! He truly didn’t! Yuu had to be alive! he couldn't imagine it any other way! H-he was just talking to them yesterday! They couldn’t be dead! His little ‘gang’ was just that: A few young adults causing some mischief! Nothing more! It wasn’t ever supposed to go as far as it did. Never as far as this! 

The tear-stained and solemn look on the usually cheerful Floyd’s face cemented reality. Jade’s genuine frown and glossy eyes showed that even he was shaken up. Yuu was dead. And it was all. Their. Fault. Crowley dismissed them hastily, and the group took their leave.

Azul was going to rip up every single one of the contracts to get rid of the guilt as he mulls over what happened. He remembers their conversation just the other day as well. Such a bright, young student. Gone.

***

“Ah, evening there Yuu…”

“Hmm?” The prefect tilted their head as they turned around to face the trio where they stood in the hallway. Floyd to the left and Jade to right with Azul standing in the center. An obvious attempt at intimidation that went over the ‘magicless’ students head as they brush down the oversized fur coat they wear. 

“Oh, it’s you three!” Yuu says cheerfully, pulling out a thermos from their bag, before turning their full attention to Azul. And yet, at the time he only smirked at them, seeing them as nothing more than easy prey. What a fool he was to not recognize the gem of a person that stood in front of him. Jade and Floyd stole a few glances at each other.

“As you are aware, finals are tomorrow.” Yuu nodded. “Yup I’m quite nervous since I’m not from this realm, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. Oh! And you all as well!” Oh, what a bright smile they had…

“What if I can guarantee you a good score, Yuu? In fact—“ “Oh sorry! I can't study with you guys.” Floyd snorted. “Huh?” Yuu frowned slightly. “I'm much too busy with my study session with Deuce, and then there’s Grim, so yeah, sorry.” How hardworking they were…

Azul was taken aback for a moment before clearing his throat before the other two could interject. “No you misunderstand, I was going to make a deal with you and offer you a study guide.” “For the test?” Yuu asked just to be interrupted by Floyd with a ‘duh.’

Yuu just chuckles. “Seems the rumors are true. You’re a hard worker Azul.” Azuls expression turned to disbelief before he preened himself, “That I am.” “However, I am afraid I cannot accept this study guide. You have put a lot of work into it, I cannot imagine using it without having earned it. ‘Sides I do better studying on my own.” Yuu put their hands in their large, oversized coat pockets, messy hair adding to their charm of them. If it was real fur, Azul notes, it must have been really expensive.

“No, no, you will pay me back in time-“ “Sorry Azul, I don't have much money since this world has different currency.” Jade and Floyd were now snickering at Azul’s failed attempts to hook this student into a contract. “Plus I would forget to go over it. Anyways…” Yuu said, shaking their thermos in their hand before pulling something out from their bag., “Want some hot cocoa? I would have offered coffee, but the juniors were just lining up for it since it's the night before exams, I guess they’re gonna cram tonight.”

“Oh! Oh!” I want some!” Floyd shouted. “You’re… giving out hot cocoa?” Jade asked, amusedly. Yuu just nodded. “Made some cocoa and some coffee for my class but still have a lot of cocoa leftover. Want a cup?” “Sure.” Jade replied. “And you Azul?” 

Azul crossed his arms, “No thank you.” Yuu nodded and pulled out a few containers, looking closely, Azul can see that the cups were made of plants— leaves to be specfic. As Yuu poured out some cocoa into the strange containers, Azul interrogated them. “You’re giving out free drinks?” “Of course?” “Youre not charging for it all?” “Nope!” Yuus sincere smile made him sick, “I know not everyone can afford it and I made a lot anyways, so I'm giving it away.”

Yuu handed over the first cup to Floyd who squealed before taking a sip. “Those cups…” “I made them out of a type of non-toxic leaf that doesn't affect the flavor at all!” Yuu poured another glass for Jade who nodded and took it from them politely.”I’m so used to seeing plastic on the ocean floor, I was sick of it, so I made a few biodegradable alternatives… The ocean is my love after all, it hurts to see it polluted.” They frown.

Before Azul could even ask, Yuu cut him off for the final time that night. “In any case, get some rest tonight you three. Your mind needs to rest if you want to do your best, after all! Especially you Azul.” “Me?” Azul asked, as Yuu leaned in close to his face. “Yup! You work too hard sometimes, you know? We all see it…” 

They tucked a strand of hair behind his ear before letting go.“anyways… Bye guys!” Yuu waved, walking off into the hallway, leaving Azul confused as ever…

***

Then came the day. The day before it all went to shit. The last day he would see Yuus bright face. A bright, hopeful face so full of love and knowledge. A true sweetheart much like Kalim. 

As expected of Azul’s plan, Crowley sent Yuu after him with his most recent exploits. Now it was up to Yuu to stop his plan, unaware how they fell right into his trap. A simple deal was all it was supposed to be, Yet Yuu was determined as ever to barter. Azul always admired their fiery attitude.

“I agree to your terms on one condition!” He smirked so cruelly at them, who didn't deserve it. “Oh?” “I will give you my pelt instead, and you are only allowed to take my dorm after three days if I fail! Got it?” “And remind me, why would I want your pelt?” Yuu just tilted their head at him.

“Because it has all my magic in it…” Yuu stated. “I am a selkie. Our power is in our pelts! Without it, well, it's just important to us.” Yuu trailed off, taking off their fluffy coat, shaking the whole way, yet brave as ever they held it out to him. “Do we have a deal?” They ask.

***

Selkie pelts… selkie pelts… It only took a few quick searches on his phone to understand the significance of them. Without their pelt, a selkie is never allowed in the sea again. Oh this was rich. Utterly perfect. 

They would not be able to even go anywhere near the ocean to fill out their part of the deal! Azul wore a wicked smirk as he gave the order to the twins. He was winning this contract easily.

 “Jade, Floyd? Go keep an eye on Yuu. You know the drill…”

The two eels gave a slimy smile. “Yes boss…”

***

Azul was none the wiser of what was happening underwater. As far as he was concerned, it was an easy win. He wasn't aware of the fight Yuu had to put up the second they stepped into the coral sea. As they waded through the ocean depths with their friends. 

The sea was suffocating even with the potion, as the waves and riptides tried to tear Yuu to shreds for even entering the water they were now exiled from without their pelt. All they had to do was to hang on a bit longer… Push a little harder. WIth their friends by their side that would be no problem. Jack and Ace helped to support the, as Deuce made sure their breathing was normal.

All they had to do was hang in a little longer and grab that photo. From there all will be well and they can head back and get their pelt again! It was going well until a certain pair of eels came around.

With a blast of magic, the eels stopped the group where they stood, with the only way to continue being to fight. They ruined everything. As the battle dragged out, the ocean’s water became even more suffocating to Yuu as they fought to even stand without keeling over in pain, the water practically crushing them.

With a final blow from the wand, Floyd sent out a weak water spell… that ricocheted off of Jacks spell and aimed directly at Yuu. At most all the spell could do was knock them out, however Yuu was a selkie in forbidden territory. Water was deadly to them. The instant the spell made contact with their skin, they crumpled. 

For a minute they held their throat in pain, crying out. Air bubbles escaped their throat. Were they drowning? “Yuu!” Ace shrieked rushing to them, battle forgotten. The eels tensed up before diving down to check on Yuu. Despite their fight, they didn't want to truly hurt anyone.

Yuu’s tears merged with the ocean around them. As Jade went to grab them to take them up to the surface it was too late. The second Jade went to touch Yuu they dissolved right in his hands. All that remained was sea foam.

Yuu was gone. Forever. And it would haunt the trio for the rest of their lives. They killed someone. A genuine and kind someone. Someone who made the world a better place, now snuffed out, forever. And they would have to live with the guilt and the looks of absolute hatred from Jack and the rest of their friends, forever.

As seafoam washed against the island shore. They hoped that could see Yuu once more.

[strawberry-milkbunny]

I have no one to talk to about Tokyo Rev so here r my random hot takes that I need to say:

- Emma and Hina r boring and used as romance plot devices it’s okay to admit that Wakui can’t write women idk I don’t expect shounen/men to be able to write girls well (still cried when Emma died tho bc she didn’t deserve it!!!)

- lol I LOVE Yuzuha and Senju tho

- I actually do like Emma and Draken together but I also firmly believe Draken is in love w/Mikey and was just projecting onto Emma LMAO

- Yuzuha is a lesbian

- Controversial: I don’t think Shinchiro was THAT great of an older brother. Like he was cool but he still introduced Mikey and Izana into the world of gang life/normalizing violence and yeah OG Black Dragons isn’t like that but….what do u expect when u form a gang??? .obviously there’s a high chance that it’s gonna develop into LEGIT gang activity

- As an adult and someone who was basically raised by an older sibling w/a big age gap (my sis is 7 years older) I kinda don’t blame Takeomi for being a bad older brother??? Realistically he’s a 17 yr old in charge of raising 2 toddlers like NO SHIT he did a bad job. At least Shin had his grandfather to help out but Takeomi actually had no one. Doesn’t explain y he’s a brokey LOL buttttt again I don’t FULLY blame him for being a bad sibling still hurt my boi Sanzu 😤😤

- I HC that Mikey is used to having a caretaker (Draken and later Sanzu) bc when Shin died he was so depressed and genuinely couldn’t get out of bed

- Takemitchy is also lowkey boring/typical shounen protagonist and canonically stinky like Hina could do sm better. This is personal preference so I find myself wanting more chaotic/dumb protagonists who are slightly morally ambiguous like Denji, Gintoki, hell even Naruto at times. Takemitchy didn’t get character development until BD arc and that’s just a bit too long for me….

- Koko and Inui r gay and dating 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

- the Haitani brothers r the kardashians of the TR universe they’re so embarrassing Deadass show up and pose/do absolutely nothing I LOVE THEM SHKSKSKSK

- I love how it’s universally agreed that Mitsuya and Chifuyu r the best bois

- I have mixed feelings about Izana. I genuinely do like him and DESPISE how he’s whitewashed by fanart

- I get it u genuinely just wanted to not be alone and found out ur adopted in the worst way possible but…..idk how that justifies killing ur own sister but u do u ig 🤷‍♀️ and u have KAKUCHO AS UR FAMILY WTH

- don’t listen to me tho I’m a Mikey and Sanzu stan LMAOO 🤭🤭🤭

- Izana is the definition of mommy issues and 100% had crunchy hair lik mans was homeless

- if I saw Izana IRL I would RUN 🏃‍♀️idk he looks a lil crazy

- also this man does not know Tagalog he didn’t even know he was Filipino until he was lik 12

- idk the Tenjiku arc is so funny to me bc Izana is deadass: imma kill everyone in Mikey’s life for revenge and Mikey is lik: bruh I didn’t even kno u existed until last week and now ur killing our sister UNPROVOKED ???

- Bonten!Mikey is a virgin/no libido mans is DEPRESSED

- wished the Bonten arc was longer simply for the outfits bc Wakui KNOWS FASHION but that shit was DEPRESSION

- 3 Deities Arc was amazing and also funny/serious at the same time. It literally was an all out brawl in an AMUSEMENT PARK

- fr tho wtf was Benkei, Wakasa and Takeomi doing there??? Like they’re canonically 27 GO GET A JOB STOP FIGHTING 15 YEAR OLDS SHKSKSKS

- U cannot tell me that Sanzu WASNT sad when Baji and Mucho died.

- Baji was straight up his childhood friend and the only one other than Senju who knows about the plane incident/Mikey’s possessive side. And In the OG!timeline I’m pretty sure Baji was the only friend Sanzu DIDNT attack. While with Mucho he was pretty much his older brother, Sanzu just decided Mikey was better

- Tbh if the dark impulses/Shin thing wasn’t real I would’ve firmly believed Mikey had DID or something. Which again made only worse by the fact that violence and death is such a regular thing in his life (GET THIS MAN THERAPY LIK WTF IS SHIN AND GRANDPA SANO DOING???)

- Kazutora going a lil crazy is lowkey expected and I hate how we only find out about his home life in the character books. This kid grew up in a physically and mentally abusive household (gaslight to pick between parents and as s/o who has experienced that shit it’s fucked up) and I rlly don’t think prison helped out his mental stability either no shit he tried to kill Mikey

- I don’t ship Mikey and Takemichy (despite the IMMENSE gay ness btwn them) firmly bc I think everyone can see how much power Takemitchy has over Mikey idk it has a weird power dynamic like if Takemitchy tried he could 100% control Mikey (platonically or romantically)

- Baji, Chifuyu and Kazutora r a throuple

- I HATE how Sanzu is reduced to this crazy drug addict. Sanzu is canonically smart, manipulative, and formally trained fighter. He also REMEMBERS the OG timeline, he had to experience Shin dying twice and everyone else die no shit he’s a little bonkers/needs drugs to take everything away. Plus his relationship to Mikey which tbh is a whole separate post

- controversial !!!: I ship Mikey and Sanzu or Mikey and Draken. Sanzu only bc this man has a big ass crush and deserves some niceness for once

- ppl write Kakucho as this shy, nice guy like ur not wrong but mans is also running UNPROVOKED into Yakuza offices like it’s the gym while dragging Rindou wit him 😭😭😭

- the haitanis r the best sibling duo

- It lowkey makes me mad in fanfics where Ran is depicted as cheating w/Rin’s gf like??? This man raised his younger brother himself u cannot tell me he doesn’t love his brother and would actually do that to him

- Ran would 1000% do anything for Rin and i firmly believe he kinda regrets not saying anything in court to prevent Rindou frm joining him in jail. Like saying he forced Rindou to kill someone w/him, abusing his brother at home, etc especially in the Bonten! tl he def thinks about wtf he dragged his brother into

- I also don’t think they’ve slept w/ the same person before. Idk I feel like they have diff types like Ran goes for more motherly/mature types while Rindou goes for sweeter/shy types

- Draken has road rage

- Yuzuha should’ve been taller like AT LEAST 5’7 bitch is related to Hakkai and Taiju for gods sake

- OG BD 100% thought Wakasa was a girl for at least a month. He’s canonically 5’3 and pretty.

- Characters who r 100% bisexual: WAKASA, Senju,maybe Hina, Draken (def in denial), Rindou, Ran (he’s a whore as long as ur pretty he’s down), Sanzu, Koko, Kazutora, Chifuyu

- Mitsuya had a crush on Draken

[zylian]

—— Many quotes from devotion talk

“Who’s there”

“We had good intentions, they do not care- that’s kab, she’s helping, come here”

“Okay”

——

“So basically, right, they’re just gonna keep blowing up spawn until they get they’re silly little 1v10, right, that’s their idea”

“Yeah so fuck them, we’re never gonna give it to them”

“EXACTLY! I have a skematic of spawn- *laughing* the entire thing from before it got blown up”

*laughs*

——

“If they make an obi farm to like try medusa-ing it, we just kill them, we just stop them, we just get them while they’re afk-ing or blow up every end portal or something- it doesn’t matter”

“It’s so easy to counter them, none of them have the drive or motivation that we do- I feel like together we could totally kick their asses”

“Yeaaaaah, I’m not gonna lie, wemmbu kinda pissed me off-“

“I KNOW RIGHT!”

——

“…Spawn repairing, fighting them back with literally no violence- I mean, you can fight them if you want, I lowkey don’t care but don’t show up to flames stupid 1v10 yknow”

——

“So zam, your not gonna fight flame ever, no matter what he does”

“No, nah”

——

“What’s up with the eyeball, I don’t remember that”

“He beat the shit out of me, it was not good, not pretty”

“aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

——

“They’re never gonna get me below 7, so I don’t care”

“You- you died 3 times?”

“Yeah”

“That sucks, he basically scammed your ass”

“Yeah I don’t care bro, he said ‘3 more if the volcano ever gets touched’ like okay buddy okay”

*laughs*

——

“At least they didn’t touch my castle”

“OH he says it’s his castle now by the way”

“Does he really”

“Fuck him, yeah I’m not letting that happen, I put too much time into that, that’s not his”

——

“I was talking so much shit in chat bro”

“Really?”

“Like the worst I’ve ever have, maybe-“

“Damnnn”

“Maybe the worst I’ve ever had”

——

“We just have to make him sit down, but than again, I don’t wanna do anything violent, I can’t”

“Yeah you do, yeah you do”

“Nahhhh”

“Well”

“It’s better if I don’t

“Yeah but”

“…It’ll send the message better”

——

“Do you have a full inventory? Do you need stuff?”

“I’ve a full inventory of dirt bro, if he comes here and kills me, he comes here and kills me, I don’t care”

“No stop giving him hearts”

“I’ll keep respawning till I’m at 7, so it doesn’t matter”

“Use the fu- No, he fuels his ego every time he kills you, so you gotta start making escape tunnels and getting out casually, that’s what pisses him off the most”

“That’s okay, he’ll realize that it means nothing, cause spawn will keep getting repaired-”

“No he won’t bro”

“If he wants to farm hearts… he’ll farm hearts off me, ugh your right, okay”

“Have you met this dude, no he won’t bro, he will not- he will get the exact same ego boost he gets every single time”

“Really?! I don’t even fight back???”

——

“Next time they chase you, splash turtle on both of them and keep running with speed”

*laughs* “that’s lowkey a strat”

“Yeah it gets you out for free, yeah I’m not even playing, used that shit in mane pear”

——

“They were yelling the entire time, ‘no more honour bro, none of this dumb shi’, they sounded exactly like us last season exactly the same

“That’s funny”

——

“And the fact he tried to take my fucking castle like I wasn’t the number one advocator for that fight”

“Exactlyyy I was an advocator for that fight too”

“Like he just lost a supporter bruh”

——

“He’s dumb as fuck why did he blow up all your shit”

“I don’t know”

“You were about to break your morals for him”

“Exactly! Exactly!!! I have done nothing but be there for him…”

——

“It’s dumb”

“It’s okay, none of this matters to me”

——

“Let me know if you want me and spoke to constantly harass him, we can beat him in a 2v1”

“Oh please do, actually please do, unironically”

——

“..like I kinda realized that wait I lowkey could get everyone’s support, like if your on board with this like I can get anyone”

“Yeah ata a certain point you realize sucking up to flame frags is pointless and lame”

“It’s so pointless yeah cause he has no value for loyalty whatsoever which is like damn”

——

“He was saying some crazy shit, like ‘everyone’s gonna start calling me immortal demon again’ while blowing up all of spawn, thats crazy bro

“Are you serious?!”

“Yeah”

“Damnnnnn Leo killed his ass”

“We broke him bro… the tier list was his lowest point”

——

“I’m just gonna say it, I think we should lay our lives down to the flame frags allegiance”

*laughs a lot*

“I’m just gonna say it! Guys! Guys- he could burn down trees like I don’t know…”

“He could burn down trees while no one’s around except prince zam, sb 737 and terrain”

——

“I survived all 64 golden apples, went through most my turtles um my xp ran out though so that was it”

“Nice, did you chorus?”

“Yeah I was chorusing, I was wind charging bro, I was the runner bro”

“Yeah ngl you need to start making pre-made shit, make a couple of escape routes”

—— bonus w/ woogie

“I am sorry about your tree zam, if there’s anything I can do to help”

“Ehh don’t worry about it, it’s fine……..It’s fine”

“ok”

“I don’t think it’s fine”

“It’s fine- no it is, seriously”

“Bros lying about it”

——

“He’s giving me 2 hearts for 10 god apples”

“You should not supply him I think”

“2 hearts is crazy, supply him”

“Yeah whatever”

“Big fucking deal, I’ll smack the god apples out of his mouth”

“Good work”

[crowsandturtlesandbatsohmy]

Okay I know I said I wanted to finish Haikyu before watching Kimi Ni Todoke Season 3 but listen, time got away from me, okay, and I wasn’t gonna wait any longer than I absolutely had to once those episodes dropped.

That said:

AJDBEKEONJWJFBEBWUXOWNQDJFOWNS

I FREAKING LOVE KIMI NI TODOKE SO MUCH.

AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

(Spoilers below)

THE WAY KAZEHAYA AND SAWAKO ARE SO SWEET!?!? And also the way I was left frustrated with them at times XD BUT MOSTLY THE FACT THAT THEY HAD ME ALL SMILEY AND GIDDY AND…. AAAH They did frustrate me a bit this time, but it’s because I’ve read the manga and I know everything will work out and they’ll be fine and JUST STOP BEING DUMB-DUMBS AND KISS ALREADY. But seriously, the extent of my frustration was largely “Kazehaya. Dude. Just talk to your girlfriend instead of making assumptions.”

ALSO RYU AND CHIZU!? HECK YES!!! WE’RE FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE!!!! Ugh, I love their dynamic. Listen, Sawako and Kazehaya are adorable and I love them and their relationship SO. MUCH. But Ryu and Chizu is where it’s at. There’s just something extra special about them, and I think it’s probably the fact that Ryu has loved her all along and has been so incredibly patient and not said anything and not pressured her and just quietly supported her and was there for her when she needed him. AGH. WHERE CAN I GET A RYU??? Listen. My first watch I absolutely adored Ryu and he’s probably my favorite character. I read the manga and I loved him even more. This whole time I subconsciously knew I kinda had a crush on him but I was pretending I didn’t and… yeah Season 3 left me completely unable to deny it. ALSO, I love Chizu. She’s such a softie and so sweet and protective and so so dense, c’mon you idiot HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE YOUR OWN FEELINGS FOR RYU??? And I love how hard she loves Ayane and Sawako and Ryu (even just as friends). She’s got such a big heart and I’d love to be her friend! I’m seriously hoping we get a season 4 because I *need* to see them get together in the anime. It would be so satisfying!

Unpopular opinion time: I love Ayane x Kento. I think they’re super cute, and I think they’re good for each other. They’re going to help each other grow, and AYANE LITERALLY ADMITTED THAT BEING AROUND KENTO RELAXES HER. I THINK I HEAR WEDDING BELLS. Manga readers *stares at you*

I binged all five episodes in one day and I regret nothing. I’m so glad we got season 3 and I’m amazed at how it didn’t feel like it came out 13 years after the original! This was amazing. 10/10, will watch again and would highly recommend.

For those of you who have been seeing my Haikyu rambles, you might be surprised to learn that this, in fact, is my favorite anime of all time and not Haikyu (although it’s a close second!). I’m a shojo girlie at heart :)

Final Fun Fact: Kimi Ni Todoke was both my first anime and my first manga, two years apart!